#oofspring

[gojirahkiin]

By Our Bleak & Apathetic Powers Combined!

So... I’m gonna tag @tyrantisterror while simultaneously apologizing to him for this, because while this is a fanfic idea I had independently a long time ago the recent prevalence of Anime-zilla and Snyder-man on his blog and consequently my dash have prompted me to flesh it out.

Basically, both are awful for different reasons, so what if you cross them over? Will it be like multiplying negatives and getting a positive? Or will the awfulness compound and combine?

Snyder-man’s pod crash lands on Animezilla’s Earth. The moth-people find it and raise Kal-El. As a tribe that has had to survive in an incredibly hostile world for thousands of years, you have a built-in explanation for why Snyder-man is willing to kill, even if you can argue that that (initially) only applies to Animezilla’s various spawn.

Now, everything about Snyder-man’s movie and Animezilla’s trilogy was awful, but the whole point of this crossover is double-down on both and see what happens, so that means embracing the garbage lore of both.

The moth-people are apparently psychic while in the Egg Room, so you could have them figure out that Kal-El’s an alien by having them psychically look at his baby memories and seeing his mom sending him off to safety. You now have a hook for the classic Superman reveal of “you’re our adopted alien child.”

Fast-forward however many years you feel is appropriate. Kal-El has been told his origins and goes to Find Himself... and also his baby capsule. Like in Snyder-man’s movie he presses a button he shouldn’t and a distress signal goes out to General Zod’s ship and he immediately sets course for Animezilla’s Earth because screw anything resembling sense or decency, he’s gonna murder Jor-El’s son and colonize his adopted planet as a matter of principle!

Now, I made myself do research since I haven’t watched Snyder-man and noped out of Animezilla’s trilogy before the 3rd movie because I said, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me - you will get no third chance!” What I found is that Zod’s ship was once his prison, and his crew is his merry band of war criminals. Excellent, I don’t have to feel bad for any of what’s about to happen.

Zod arrives on this backwater world and finds that the whole thing is a monster-infested jungle. Hardly any technology at all (Nanometal City may or may not ping depending on how good you feel it’s anti-Animezilla stealth is). Oh well, no need to bother announcing what’s about to happen, and nothing to stop him from using the weirdest ever terraforming machine to make New Krypton.

Zod sends his troops planetside to hunt down Kal-El, also probably to kill his loved ones because war criminal, and activates the World Engine.

Now, this fanfic is accidentally a case of East meets/vs. West, which means that I have accidentally made Zod a representation of Imperialist America, so you can have all sorts of destruction porn of the Zod Squad killing Animezilla’s oofspring, aka all animals and plants. You may think that’s a typo and it is, but oofspring fits because they were a mistake.

But crossovers work best when all franchises are treated equally, and this noise wakes up Baby Animezilla and Daddy Animezilla. Snyder-man’s movie shows that Krypton’s soldiers have good armor, but the Animezilla’s have stupid firepower, and Snyder-man also revealed that Kryptonians were haven’t lived under a yellow sun have power-incontinence in the form of sensory overload, so maybe the Zod-Squad doesn’t die, but now they are naked and suffering.

The Snyder-man movie made a big deal of two of the Zod Squad’s members: Faora-Ul and Namek, so they avoid the undignified fate of their fellows so that they can find Kal-El.

We could talk all day about how the Jor-El AI might have reacted to tribal Kal-El, but that would probably be a heartwarming father-son moment and this fanfic is about embracing awfulness so we ain’t got time for that, so I’ll just assume that AI-El info-dumped about Kal-El’s powers and he uses them in combination with the traditional weapons of the moth-people: nanometal spears.

Kal-El must fight Faora-Ul and Namek to protect the moth-people... and maybe the egg too, because remember, these are war criminals so what’s a bit of deicidal abortion before genocide?

Meanwhile Baby Animezilla may or may not have been killed by... something at this point, I don’t know and don’t actually care, I just feel like he should be dead at this point for some reason. Anyway, the real show at this point is Daddy Animezilla vs. the World Engine because the WE warps gravity to screw with projectiles and defends itself with tentacles, so DA has to haul his barky butt into melee range to destroy it.

Maybe these scenes are cool. Maybe they’re awful. I guess it depends on how the writer would handle this fanfic. Either way, Kal-El has killed Faora-Ul and Namek (and with the nanometal spears, so they get assimilated) and Animezilla has destroyed the World Engine.

That last part is really important, we’ll come back to it in a bit.

Anyway, at this point Zod comes down and does his movie monologue about how everything he did was for Krypton and without the chance to restore it all he has left is murder, because that’s what Snyder-Zod do.

Zod and Kal-El start fighting, and like in the Snyder-man movie it’s in the wreckage of the World Engine... which because this is a crossover is also where Daddy Animezilla is standing. DA is very passive, but the fact that he wrecked the World Engine in melee is really important.

See, because Kryptonian scientists are incomprehensibly stupid, despite knowing that yellow and blue stars give them superpowers in the absence of Kryptonite, the World Engine terraforms worlds by turning the ground into more Kryptonite. Since Daddy Animezilla had to smash the World Engine at close range, he got affected by it and is now part Kryptonite now.

Zod and Kal-El start wrecking each other and occasionally colliding with DA, hard enough for him to notice and so he starts a-firin’ his laser - which is now part Kryptonite because Kryptonians are dumb.

Zod and Kal-El are both fried in an instant.

There is no hope. No Kryptonians. There is only Animezilla.

There is also no Mothra, Mechagodzilla, or Ghidorah, just like in Anime canon.

So, it turned out that everything about this was awful and pointless, but  because of that I can at least say that I was loyal to the source material, quite unlike the sources I drew from.

[mellon-collie-scorpio]

DID YOU SAY THE OFFSPRING CAUSE I THINK YOU MEAN THE OOFSPRING

[eda11y]

The offspring a by diatom