#aka 3 am i guess
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Scared o'clock
#aka 3 am i guess#why am i scared#i dont thjnk im scared actually i think i am just having the autism freak out bc i feel the particles and atoms
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first dada class😳✨
#FINALLY FINISHED THIS ILLUSTRATION😇🙏#for chapter 3🫶#Eloise actually isn’t so good at dueling but I used fencing videos as reference#I just wanted to do a dramatic picture ok😆#she wins the duel in the way I probably would have chosen if the game didn’t just give us the illusion of choice#(aka underhanded Slytherin 😭😭😭)#fun fact or sad fact bc I’m revealing my evil nature#but every time I take the tests I am 0% hufflepuff and 0% Gryffindor#almost forgot Sebastian’s freckles again…#im actually going to reupload the sketch I did yesterday BECAUSE I FORGOT THEM !!!!!#like on top of remembering every little detail and fold and shadow in thst sketch#I have to remember the FRECKLES TOO??!!??????🥲#im not actually 100% happy with this one but I kind of just wanted to finish it and move on bahahahahahah#WAIT…😳#I NEED TO DRAW THE TROLL IN HOGSMEADE SCENE😭😭😭😭😫😫😫😫😫😫#well more dramatic paintings from me in the near future I guess rip#I’ll get better at them anyways#hogwarts legacy#hogwarts legacy fanart#hphl#hogwarts legacy oc#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts oc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#sebastian sallow fanart
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#wailord#the ultimate Biggun. you can't even see their eyes. this is just a blue and white sphere. couldn't even tell what this is#there's no face to be found. the prey eyes are in full swing. this is just. chef's kiss. it's beautiful#everyone was talking about how it's a travesty that they made wailord small in newer pokémon games whereas it was big on the spinoffs#aka. y'know. games that were on home consoles and therefore powerful enough to handle bigass wailord#as opposed to tiny screens that would make it a little bit difficult to perceive an entire wailord. but we got it back in swsh (which was on#switch‚ aka half of a home console‚ even though i guess nintendo kinda still sees it as a handheld)#i dunno i'm posting this at 8 AM the morning of the june 21st direct. planning on catching that later. we'll see what they announce#nothing pokémon related obviously bc it's not a pokémon presents but pikmin 4 will be there. i didn't play 2 or 3 but i played 1 so. i care
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Hhhungryyyyyyyyyyy
#i want burger#and garlic mayo#you’re telling me a gar licked this mayo?#can you tell I just remembered that this is a personal blog#I can post whatever i want#I’m treating it like a private twitter account but just with art posting#but like seriously I’m so fucking hungry rn it’s literally 3 am#I genuinely just want a burger#for my American audience i want a chicken sandwich#chicken sandwiches and burgers are just kinda considered the same here#what fucking audience you loser it’s 3 am and you’re burger posting in tags#chat can you believe this?#chat is this real#also I’m fucking COOLLLDDDDE#who’s been reading all of this#if you have leave a comment down below 😎#if you’ve been reading this long you deserve some personal information#I’m so mad I won’t get a burger on Friday and probably also Saturday#since I’m going to the shit doctors#and they’re shoving a camera up my asshole (colonoscopy)#what’s that one saying#hot people have stomach issues#anyway#I can’t eat for a FULL DAY before it#aka Friday#and then it says on the prep document that your first meal shouldn’t be super greasy#which makes me pissed like#dude let me eat my shitty burger and poutine#ohhhh my god I want an osmows poutine#guys I ran out of tags so I guess you’re not gonna hear the story about how we had 3 university students all hunched over food CHARACTER LIM
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do u ever think to yourself Man i kinda miss this previous fixation i had and was so incredibly insane about. i miss the attachment. But the current fixation i'm incredibly insane about is preventing me from like. Doing anything . that isnt related to the current fixation .
like.. i miss my older attachments. but damn my current hyperfixation has me in a goddamn chokehold. and even if i try to consume content of said previous attachment it just DOes not work and i move right back to my current fixation
#mewith magolor rn. and hollow knight. and like any of my other previous hyperfixations.#this also goes for new games i try to play#ive tried to play 3 games i havent played before when my lethal company fixation was still going strong#aka Ultrakill and Rain World and The Upturned#needless to say. while i did hyperfixate on those for a short while. it did not last long 😭#i still like those games a lot dont get me wrong . my brain was just like NUH THE FUCK UH!! CURRENT MAIN HYPERFIXATION SHANT BE REPLACED#like help?? fixations usually dont last this long and the LC rot has lasted for almost half a year now what the actual fuck#wow its almost 1 am errrmmm i guess i should stop rambling and go to bed#firn's texts
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Brimstone and Emerald Dreams
Relationship: Midoriya Izuku & Sensei | All for One
Rating: T
Sensei | All for One is Midoriya Hisashi, Bad ending, Possessive Sensei | All for One, Izuku in Tartarus
Oneshot | 1.6k words
But he did make it to his destination, eventually, and with the right combination of Quirks the locks on the door broke away and let him pass through.
And there he was.
If All for One had been anyone else, he might have paused to check if he was really asleep. On his cot, Izuku sat, chained from head to toe, slumped over, his back to the wall. Search told him he was asleep, and even without the Quirk, All for One would know. All for One had seen Izuku fall asleep sitting before.
-
[Or, with his victory assured, All for One traveled to Tartarus to collect his prize.]
ao3 link: here
This was written for the bad ending event hosted by @mamashenanigans and @possiblycringe
Tonight, Tartarus was quiet.
It was not unusual for Tartarus, be it the old or new building, to be silent. The prison was rigid in how both its guards and prisoners were meant to act, each step and breath to match another tick of a clock on a never changing schedule. Sound inevitably became a forgotten thing when it fell into the background, not even worth acknowledging.
What made this silence different, however, was how it felt more like All for One was walking into a freshly abandoned ruin than a high security prison. It was only obvious to someone like him who was coming from the outside in, for it let him see the pitiful attempt to mask the silence. Janitors dressed as guards wandered the halls, but cowered at any shadow that crossed their path; blinking cameras moved at regular intervals, recording every act like a reprimand was imminent, even though it no longer was.
All for One knew that, for the first few hours, this illusion of that well maintained routine would hold out. All who dared hope for goodness and justice could pretend to breathe easy, that Tartarus would stay in its timeless bubble, ignorant to the reality just a few miles away, where all members of law enforcement were drafted into the climax of the war, to deal with the unquenchable chaos that had been plaguing the streets for hours now, and still had no end in sight.
Truly, all this was for a futile yet desperate effort to keep the worst of the villains they’ve managed to catch out of the field for as long as possible. The destruction All for One and his minions had brought to Japan alone already sent the country to its knees, begging for reprieve, and once the prisoners here began their unnecessary riot and realized they could make another escape, Japan would truly know no salvation.
Not that they stood a chance before that fatal moment, but dreams were always best crushed slowly yet thoroughly.
That is all to say, this was the bare minimum, and if the old Tartarus was not enough to keep him in, it was no wonder this one fell to his whims so easily, now that the world was setting itself firmly in his grasp.
How far hell had fallen, but even hell must bow before its king.
Even the halls attempted to delude his path, a futile resistance to the last, all long and winding, containing hundreds of matching doors unable to act as a guide to his destination. Not like All for One needed one, not with Search. He knew exactly where to go, could see the bright glow a few levels down even with his eyes closed.
He could travel down there faster if he really wanted to. Taking his time through the hallways left him impatient, but the child he wished to visit was asleep, just as All for One hoped he would be. An explosive entrance would put the boy on guard, and that would make the night far more difficult than it needed to be.
But he did make it to his destination, eventually, and with the right combination of Quirks the locks on the door broke away and let him pass through.
And there he was.
If All for One had been anyone else, he might have paused to check if he was really asleep. On his cot, Izuku sat, chained from head to toe, slumped over, his back to the wall. Search told him he was asleep, and even without the Quirk, All for One would know. All for One had seen Izuku fall asleep sitting before.
Most often, it would have been at the boy’s desk, drool spilling out from his lips and falling onto his sleeves, barely missing the analysis journal he’d likely have beneath his pillowed arms. He could tell at a glance the boy's dreams were more pleasant than his school days, dreaming up Quirks and heroes. Sometimes, when Inko had been there to catch the end of Izuku’s late night research sessions, she’d quietly fret about, worried about waking him up, but also wanting to make sure he slept comfortably in his bed. As the ever reliable Hisashi, he would offer her reassurance, slip next to Izuku, and a hand on his shoulder was all that was needed to make sure Izuku stayed asleep as he pulled him into his arms and tucked him into bed.
Many times, All for One had considered keeping Izuku asleep for eternity. As a boy, he’d always found more peace in dreams and delusion. Being trapped in his dreams meant his son couldn’t pursue a reckless dream and die a martyr like his brother had done. But keeping his son asleep meant Izuku’s happiness would not be dependent on All for One, but instead on whatever paradise he found in unconsciousness. He would never see his son’s smile, or hear his voice or his laugh—dreams would reduce them all to useless mush. The boy would not be his if dreams kept him away.
In hindsight, maybe letting him sleep for a few years would’ve been the better alternative, if it meant the boy would not obtain One for All. That Quirk made those childhood dreams obtainable, or it had, until the moment they had been snatched away and brought him to this defenseless place. The almost achievement meant that one false step and the boy would’ve been lost again, and just like his brother, it would be to somewhere he could not yet reach him. The only worth in his son obtaining that Quirk was letting his son learn his lessons the hard way.
Tonight, the boy’s dreams were quiet, but not pleasant. Nightmares likely caused by those very delusions he’d long since harbored, All for One’s certain, with the way his brow scrunched and sweat slowly built on his forehead, likely only moments before the nightmare’s climax. In the past, All for One would have waited it out to see if the boy would run into his arms and cling to his father, afraid that if he let go the nightmares would drag him back.
This time, however, like he had done on those nights he slept away from his bed, he reached out and cast Izuku into a deeper slumber. Dreamless or not, it didn’t matter, if it meant the two of them could have a moment of peace. The only sign there had been a change at all was the way the boy’s shoulders relaxed.
He did not pull away his hand. Instead, he ran his fingers through Izuku’s hair, longer and more tangled than it had been when All for One last saw him. He would have to change that later. In the meantime, All for One sat next to the boy and gently brought the boy’s head down onto his lap.
“Now isn’t this familiar?” All for One mused, no longer concerned he’d accidentally wake the child. Inko hadn’t realized it when he was around, but Izuku was a lighter sleeper than she gave him credit for. It’d been convenient to figure that out when the boy was five rather than fifteen. The boy’s breath evened out. “Did you truly think you’d ever know peace without me?”
As if in response, his facial muscles scrunched, then relaxed.
“Your father’s back to chase all the nightmares away.” Another stroke through his curls, a tangle caught and smoothed away. “No thanks to that man you call a mentor, we’ve been kept apart for far too long. But that changes tonight. I believe you and I will both agree that’s for the best. I know you’ve hated your time here. It’s a shame I couldn’t come sooner, but I had something to finish first. You understand, don’t you, Izuku?”
The boy’s nose wrinkled.
Truly, All for One would not mind staying here a while. Even though his memories of this place were not fond, there was a charm in the creation of such a warm memory in a place that had tormented both him and his son. An irony in how these walls were meant to bind and separate them, but instead brought them together again. If society had not betrayed his son as it had he didn’t think such a task would have been as easy. Izuku was far too much like his brother, always willing to fight for others, even those who hurt him. Had that society not clipped the boy’s wings, even with the ongoing chaos, taking his son back would have taken more effort, nor would it have been a guarantee.
Yet here, the boy slept on, oblivious to the distant smell of smoke and iron. Sleep would keep him away, and when All for One let him wake, he would make sure the boy only found the ashes. Maneuvering those who had no hope had always been easier. He’s certain his son would be the same.
All for One did not entirely care how much time had passed, content with the sight of his son in his arms after years of distance. Yet, when he heard something rattle in discontent with his enhanced hearing, the earliest sign of the inevitable riot, All for One knew it had been long enough.
“It’s time to go home, Izuku.” He lifted Izuku up, arm under knees and Izuku’s head fell against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the boy’s forehead. “We’ve kept your mother waiting long enough.”
And as he came, so too, did All for One leave unimpeded, but with the very prize he came to collect.
Outside, the world burned as its king ordained, and in the king’s arms, his child slept on in peace.
#mha#bnha#AFO bad ending event#dad for one#fic#my fic#i never write proper bad endings this seemed like a fun chance to try it#hope i did this right xD#astersatdawnfics#can't believe i'm posting 3 fics this week tho lol#the timing just worked out this way#i'd say watch as i don't post for a year now#but i am actually planning to semi-regularly update my long fic#aka it's getting an update next week so#i guess the weird reality is i'm posting 4 times in one month? lol#dreams that are(n't) mine au
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Where in the world were Mulder and Scully?
I'm sure someone else has already made this list, but I've decided to keep track of how many U.S. states (and DC) (and Puerto Rico) Mulder and Scully investigate an incident in. Not counting other locations where part of the incident happens but Mulder and Scully never go to (like England in 1:12). (edited 3/27/24 after watching 2:19) This started as a list of US states and I continue to be interested in counting US states and territories, but the time has come to set up the list for other locations as well. This list includes places that Mulder and/or Scully go to during the episode to investigate a case. Action in DC that is not related to a case in DC does not count. If the action is in DC and spills over to Maryland and/or Virginia, I just count DC, but if the thing starts in VA and then things also happen in DC, I count both. I don't know, it's not an exact science, and the DC area is fluid to me. So far we have...
US States & Territories:
Oregon (1:1)
Idaho (1:2, 2:18)
Maryland (1:3, 1:15, 1:21, 1:24, 2:16, 2:17, 3:7, 3:16, 3:23, 4:8, 4:9, 4:16, 4:21, 5:3, FtF, 6:6, 6:12)
Iowa (1:4)
New Jersey (1:5, 2:2)
Pennsylvania (1:6, 2:3, 2:16, 3:9, 4:2, 4:3, 4:12, 4:13, 4:14, 5:13, 5:14, 5:18)
Virginia (1:7, 2:5, 2:6, 2:21, 2:22, 2:23, 3:7, 3:17, 3:24, 4:8, 4:10, 4:16, 4:21, 4:24, 5:1, 5:11, 5:13, 5:17, FtF, 6:7, 6:11)
Alaska (1:8, 2:17)
Texas (1:9, 5:12, FtF)
Wisconsin (1:10, 2:10)
Connecticut (1:11, 2:4)
California (1:11, 2:7, 3:15, 3:19, 4:11, 5:6, 5:7, 6:2)
Massachusetts (1:12, 1:14, 2:11, 2:16, 3:12, 3:18, 4:10, 4:19)
North Carolina (1:13, 2:15)
Washington, DC (1:16, 2:8, 2:21, 3:14, 3:16, 3:21, 4:16, 4:22, 4:24, 5:1, 5:2, 5:11, 5:18)
Tennessee (1:17, 1:18, 4:5)
Washington State (1:17, 1:20, 1:23, 2:9, 3:8, 3:20)
Montana (1:19)
New York (1:22, 2:4, 2:16, 3:16, 4:3, 4:8, 4:9, 4:15, 4:17, 4:18, 6:10)
Puerto Rico (2:1)
Missouri (2:12)
Nebraska (2:12)
Minnesota (2:13, 3:4)
New Hampshire (2:14, 3:13)
Florida (2:20, 3:5, 4:9, 5:4, 6:13)
Arkansas (2:24)
New Mexico (2:25, 3:1)
West Virginia (3:2, 3:9, 3:10, 4:20)
Oklahoma (3:3)
Ohio (3:6, 3:11, 5:18)
North Dakota (3:16)
Georgia (3:22)
Rhode Island (3:24, 4:1, 4:23)
Michigan (4:4, 5:9)
Illinois (4:6, 4:19)
South Carolina (only Skinner 4:21)
Indiana (5:5)
Maine (5:10)
Delaware (5:16, 5:18)
Arizona (6:1)
Nevada (6:2, 6:4, 6:5)
Kansas (6:8)
Places Outside the US:
Norway (2:19)
Hong Kong (3:15)
Canada (Alberta - 4:1, 4:9; Yukon - 4:24)
Russia (4:8; 4:9)
Antarctica (FtF)
Sargasso Sea (6:3)
#beesarthur hasn't watched the x-files#some of these that are in the DC area i am trying to not overthink and just assign the state or DC that they seem to most take place#cause for exampel 1:15 i think parts of it might technically be in VA or DC but the action starts in maryland#and of course DC sort of doesn't count not because it's not a state but because it's the home base#i write those tags after 1:15 and then of course in 1:16 the action really is mostly in DC so now we've got DC properly on the list#scully WAS the case in 2:8 and it appears to take place in DC or at least in the DMV so I'm calling it DC#2:16 was a doozy but i included everywhere that mulder and scully physically were except for DC because the case wasn't happening in DC#(probably)#so massachussetts ny pennsylvania and maryland#2:25 went everywhere man but i counted it as New Mexico#also considering how many times Mulder has talked about Roswell 1947 it's wild it took this long to get to New Mexico#i certainly haven't counted new York everything the 46th street group shows up but i counted it this time because Mulder went there#this time being 3:16#in 3:18 again we only count massachusetts and not ecuador because mulder and scully didn't go to ecuador#4:7 isn't on this list because mulder and scully don't go anywhere!!#4:9 is a doozy#4:16 is another DoD episode and another True DMV episode - we get the District Maryland and Virginia!!#i didn't want to count south carolina for 4:21 since Mulder and Scully don't go there but i've marked it since Skinner went there#and this case is clearly happening anywhere the bees can be sent through the mail#5:3 counts because it meets my threshold of either mulder or scully being there#undecided about how to count 5:15#I DO NOT think it is a coincidence that they go to 'Arizona' for the first time in 6:1 aka the first regular episode that was filmed in LA#instead of Vancouver!!#and in another shocker the second episode they filmed in California is the first time an episode is set in Nevada!#maryland in 6:12 according to the idea that 'fort marlene' is fictional fort dietrick#el rico air force base could be anywhere in the dmv and honestly i'm not going to make a guess
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Something that I have been secretly obsessing over for forever is the idea of a Ben 10 (or general Omnitrix wielder) that goes full superhero and goes and designs secret identities for EVERY transformation, seeing as how though perhaps the wielder themself is from a human perspective disguised behind the face of an alien, well- fairly certain that transformations have their own degree of recognisability themselves-
Find out more in the cut below-
I mean, from the perspective of a human Omnitrix wielder like Ben or many other characters from canon to original may focus on the visual aspect of recognition, so maybe species with more than one recognisable feature or a completely different set of recognition (vulpimancers may recognise scent and perhaps sound, pyronites may recognise - among sight - heat signature or temperature) are kinda looked over without actually putting their all into studying ‘what makes me recognisable’, but like- in all honesty this is just me rambling about what human masks would fit the Omnitrix translation to certain alien transformations without proving detrimental to any of their abilities.
What kind of mask would a lepidopterran wear, one that conserves confidentiality without detracting from mouth-based protectiles, what about piscciss volann with their biting? What about a mask with a beaded mouth covering, perhaps one with antennae (or lures) of it’s own? What kind of mask that a human can wear be safely used on a pyronite? Give em a flame retardant gas mask, one maybe with an open back just to maintain the flame headed aesthetic.
Can you even mask every transformation? Beyond the Omnitrix sample of arburian pelarota being the very few examples of the newly practically if not extinct species, can you mask a face that rests on the main body? Is recognition of Arburia dictacted in fact by the face of a pelarota or is it determined by shell and (apparently they have hair) fur patterns?
Well, perhaps in that case a superhero outfit is best for the situation!
What superhero mask doesn’t come it with it’s own superhero costume? Well perhaps you could outfit your arburian pelarota transformation with a cloth ‘mask’ that physically acts as the shirt, they do after all have ‘eyeless vision’, all in due part according to their sensory fur (how do you think they see when rolling rolling?). Why not pair our pyronite mask with a firefighter coat, make them seem like a heroic rescuer rather than a TF2 Pyro main, the chunkier and more Fire Force it looks the better. And what about another member or a near extinct species petrosapiens sporting layers of sound absorbing clothing, worn with perhaps a full head mask that also helps insulate from sound as a defense whilst keeping up an optimal level of anonymity.
Masks with bells, give them to aliens that recognise with sound. Masks with real flowers, give them to aliens that recognise with scent. Put a mask in the fridge or let it sit in the sun, give it to an alien that recognises temperature.
What degree does body shape affect alien recognition, how different do you want to make the body look, how does your superhero outfit work to perhaps benefit your transformation.
How do you mask an opticoid? Give them a lacy mask/shirt, they don’t give a shit about chest nudity! How do you costume a gourmand? Give them a jacket they can zip right open, maybe just straight up sleeves with extra material that MIMICS a jacket! How about a loboan? Give them a long-nosed eye mask, it doesn’t need to cover the mouth so long as it covers the top of the snout!
Ough I love masks so much-
#ben 10#what do i even tag this as...#eh *shrugs* this is just complete#rambling#honestly i was gonna use this post as an excuse to take a picture of all my non-covid masks#which is about *does a kinda literal head check* about 21 unique masks#which includes one of those dollar store masks who's only feature is the fake flower i decorate it with#but excludes the two masks that i painted for an art protect which- while functionally wearable- are a bit too precious to consider doing so#says me who owns amongst the 21 masks 3 genuine venetian masks one of which is the most elaborate mask i own#but anyway i found an old omnitrix wielder oc that had gone with the whole superhero id thing#but it was clearly when i was a fan of tokyo ghoul (aka one mask across all forms regardless of if it worked + casual outfit)#somewhat related i wonder what other alien cultures have as superhero designs because i guess that informs what 'disguised' means#does one who recognise scent used a perfume instead of a mask? does one cover themselves in icepacks to look colder?#and keep in mind- why the omnitrix wielder may be so attached to masks (aside from me being obsessed with them)#is that before and after transformation they gotta also protect themselves too#i guess this is like super reliant on picking the right outfit or getting the right transformation#but like if you can access the clothing programming of the omnitrix (which it clearly would have if ben gets unique clothes)#then you can have your very own human superhero outfit that only uses it's base component materials to act as source for alien outfits haha#ough i am thinking of firefighter hero heatblast (aka the theme and design that really inspired me to ramble)
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.
#i am just so fucking tired#of everything#one more week#i guess#that's what I keep telling myself#the stress won't be over#but at lease one stress factor wil be gone#we go from there I suppose#babysteps#aka puschel needs a 3 year long nap
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I have made. Many mistakes,,,
I've gone from 'eh i never do anything dont worry we can play videogames!' To 'Sorry cant talk i have the next 3 weeks scheduled to the second and am actively having a panic attack. Bye!'
How did this happen? Christmas. And divorce, but that's less impactful.
I will now proceed to rant in the tags gootbye forever.
#ghosti talks#OKAY.#I HAVE A MILLION AND ONE PROJECTS AND HAVE CHOSEN THE WORST TIME TO RANT ABOUT THEM.#HERE WE GO#first off i decided a month ago that christmas holidays was art study time!! all two weeks just hand studies and chill#then my dad moved out and my dumbass said 'oh heck yea i need a project ill come help with literally everything!'#then forgetting i already had a project went and told some other people 'oh you wanna fix the jrwi wiki? i am so down fuck fandom! i need a-#project anyways!#boom. millions dead.#i also decided hey why not do a bunch of art before christmas for all my online friends i only have *checks discord* 30..?#boom. trillions dead#wait theres only 7billion people uhm#whatever im fucming dying#AND GUESS WHO JUST TOOK A SHOWER#all the thoughts and ideas are rushing into my brain all at once and i cannot afford to fail even one of these tasks ive given myself#because im me.#dear god save my soul i will get no sleep tonight. pain pain pain..........#oh yea these are the main 3 projects btw im also having too deal with my trillion hyperfixations and the fact that my notifs are constantly#full and i have to completly tidy my old room at my mothers and the whole house cause hey why not its productiv month#aka. burnout month!!#so yeag#sorry for spilling literally all my personal life stuff on this public site whoopsie#is ok no one gives a shit *gets shot in the head with a sniper*#*is bleeding out on the floor*#okay goobye :3
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do i let feminism lose and spend all of my savings on a rhinoplasty or do i continue to just. live Like That lol
#kms idk what to do#it's doing research on best surgeons in your country hours while your friends with normal noses are sleeping#anyway it's been a great little vacation and i had a lot of fun but the absolute fucking dread whenever someone is taking a picture#and i cant control how it looks. is ruining all the fun.#i said fuck it once today and then saw that picture my friend took of me and wanted to yeet myself into traffic straight away#the worst thing is im obsessed with big unusual conventionally unattractive noses. i love them.#but mine is not this hot sexy aquiline kind. its just a huge round bulbous fucking potato in the middle of my face#its the kind of nose no one will ever find pretty or hot or even interesting. its just comical. it looks like a fake clown nose.#and while it is indeed very in character of me to have a fucking clown nose attached to my face 24/7 forever#its literally making me wanna wear a paper bag over my head#goddd idk. cause like. what if something goes wrong lol knowing my luck it definitely could#and then uhhhh idk i guess i really would just kms lol#funny thing - didn't even really notice it before uni. like i always knew there was something seriously fucking wrong with my face#but could never put a finger on what it is exactly#and then this uni friend made that one comment about my nose and suddenly everything clicked into place#you're absolutely right queen the fucking nose aka the CENTRAL thing on my face is the main culprit here lol#anyway not a day has gone by since then that i wouldnt look into the mirror and felt awful and pathetic about it <3#i am ready to go against all of my ideals and just do it. ill have no money left but maybe its worth it. to get a little peace of mind. idk.
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hrm I'm probably just faking this long covid thing 😐
*on the verge of tears from walking up and downstairs a few times*
NEVERMIND
#doddie redet#Schulfest at my old school today & i acted like I'm perfectly fine aka walked around a bunch#and um. that was a bad idea I guess <3 am the first one of my lil group to leave due to. the tired hurty.
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"if i finish this i will watch a horror movie" thing kinda backfired it's 9pm lmao
#will i still do it. yes. probably.#it would probably be more fun in the night too so yeah#but god fucking damn it can i please just finish this thing#i cant even be properly mad at myself because ive been Actually Working in these last days lol#at last!!!#it feels like i can actually finish the whole thing next week :')#i started this at the beginning of September goddddddddd 😭😭#if i took it more seriously from the start it would've been done by now lol#but i guess at least im making progress#i am kinda getting nervous thinking abt deadlines and actually applying even tho i still have like a month for one school#and 2+ months for others lol#there's one in italy that's earlier than that but not sure if i wanna go for that one tbh so........ idk#but since it's wayy cheaper and i dont have many cheap options and i fear the same thing (aka not being able to go bc#of money) will happen again this year lol#so yeah just. not sure in general.#if i think too much about any of this i start to question everything anyway lmao so i shouldnt <3#i gotta visit my old uni to talk abt some letters too which i Know for a fact they would write#but it's so nerve wracking to think about butttt i gotta do it this week/early next week so.....#(this week means actually the next week in this case i guess lmao since it's friday rn)#bc they said 2 weeks notice sooooo im guessing that would be okay but u knowwwwwww ugh#okay. my goal is to just do this thing today#then finish the whole project tomorrow#then do the other readjustments for the other projects in a few days hopefully#then go to school#yeah. doable. perfectly doable#i gotta arrange the (redacted) and (redacted) meetings too lol buttttt yeah#🗒#wow i didnt intend to write this much tbh anyway
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It's hard loving my current self.
but its easy to love my past me. or my future me. I look back and forward to them with comfort and warmth. pure and utter love. and I know they look the same way to me.
I know the most important person in the world looks at me with love and care. They will both anticipate being me and reminisce my glory. They love me. I'll go back to loving me again.
#its disrespectful to disgrace the person they love so dearly. I'll try my best not to hurt the person they love. for them.#if i cant love current me at least past & future me will have my back.#its a loving hug from either side. forever being hugged by an even lovelier version of myself.#=w=b#heheh guess who started school again AKA who's 'fun' feelings are coming back lol <3#this feels soft though. soft & good.#today i had to look at some way old pictures (alr maybe 1-2 years ago >:P) and i love the me i saw. more than anything ive ever loved.#genuinely.#and i know future me will look at me the same way.#just like i look forward to them rn.#sillyposting#positivity#poetry#whatever ;P#i just know that no matter what current me does. future me will love me. they will treat me with respect and care.#just like me with my past.#bad things will happen but that will never turn future me against me. i'll have to trust them. i have to get to them.#i have to get to them. to give current me more love. i know i deserve it and im the only one capable to give it. i have to survive. for me.#the world is good. i am good.#im making myself cry. enough of that :(
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it’s always fun being creative until you work on like 5 things at once so none of them get finished but you have made like half a step of progress on all of them in the past few days
#txts#at least i am not bored?#but also dear god my poor brain juggling all this#and sadly work returns tomorrow#late short shift aka 6hours but STILL#its work so ew#anyhow i have created like 3 characters#fleshed out 4 (side)plots-part of it involved more in the main one so yeah#blocked out an entire relevant location which is 3 levels of inside and 1 of outside...which still needs details but STILL#and have now done flat colours for 1 fandom piece (hi kiyan....help me...pls)#rn it is 1am and i wanna go draw my ocs#it'd be much more helpful if i were to model them or decide on a style bc i would like to actually fuck around with them in game-relevant#thingies and learn that#BUT i guess not....def not at 1am to be fair#not during work week#BUT!!! this means basically everyone of the main cast with the exception of 2 relevant antagonist is done at least style wise#needs refinement etc etc but at least we are getting places#slowly.....but surely......#look i always wanted to throw my ocs and stories or whatnot out in the world somehow#and i am so not there to comit to comics-especially not atm#so....i am going back to 'lets see how hard it is to make game' idea and see if i give up on that#if i do-well....wouldnt be surprised but it is fun to fuck around in game engines so at least there is that#what is life for if not to fuck around a bunch#its also always a fun time of having to take 500steps back bc brain is like#oooooh what if we add all these cool action super amazing thingies everywhere and put all this in#like bitch what if we learn how to make our own shit AND have it work in engine first?#lets start by having a character and walking animation-like...pls#it'll stay small bc...i am me...i am not gonna make a AAA 70hour game lol#i will make smth neat and small that I'll enjoy playing through and thats basically my philosophy w/ all my art#its for me first and everyone else 2nd-but i do love it a lot when others enjoy it
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THE ZERO THEME OMG DARLING HFJSBFJD ITS SO PRETYYY >//<
THANK YOU SO MUCH BAE
#where do ya get those pics i want em ...#and tysm again MWA MWA MWA i really lov my zero theme. esp bcs i wanted to do this many months ago yet never did it properly#but also it led to this one thing happening which i'm very glad about so i'm happy about that very short era LMAO and it is returning now#and actually properly done this time <3 gif and all !! i still wna make it more fancy tho . i think i have an idea how to now (aka photopea)#also hi. we should fill up gdocs and stuff for ocs and all CMON YOU KNOW YOU WANT IT <- song lyrics ref from your favorite song#can you guess which it is or are the hints too ... blurry. haha#WHAHAHAHAHAHAH i am so funny goodbye#⋯ ꒰ა my galaxy ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა letters of stardust ໒꒱ *·˚#tag later
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