#ago. i remember you telling me abt it
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lamp has a case of tumblrina by proxy where they have never been on tumblr except they made a blog like once 7 years ago or smth and never touched it again. But because of me i think they could pass as a tumblrina
#bc im the yapper so i talk abt everything w lamp#so they pick up on a lot of the tumblr specific phrases and such.... and also know abt random niche tumblr drama i ranted to them abt like 3#years ago#they honestly sometimes remember more abt it than i do due to you know. so ill forget things and lamps like No you told me abt this 3 years#ago. i remember you telling me abt it#sidenote. genuinely life ending that ive been on tumblr for almost 8 years. i always forget if my og blog was 2016 or 2018#no. 2017. 16 or 17#bc i thinkk it was 16? ik i was Posting by march of 18 bc thats when Ughhhh#and ik i had a tumblr i lurked on for a year before i actually started being more active#by my quotev oomfie told me to get one. So i did and then i just followed like. an undertale blog and a. throws up a little bit in my mouth.#hetalia blog...#but i didnt post or anything for like a year so that would be most of 2016 some of 2017 and then by 2018 i had been posting. this is far as#i can reckon anyway. and then in february 2018 i met UGHHHHH AND UGHHHHHH AND UGHHHH AND JOINED UGHHHHHH AND UGHHHH and then my baby brother#was born :]#and then UGHHH AND UGHHH AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AND UGHHHHH AND UGHHHHH#its so funny to think abt how many things happened in 2018. i was under attack on all sides for reallll. but its okay that connor is so gone#anyways this isnt meant to be a whiny post just funny. local lamp SHOCKS waiter by ordering in perfect tumblrina
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🐓 bok bok!
#asougi kazuma#kazuma asougi#dai gyakuten saiban#the great ace attorney#dgs#tgaa#artists on tumblr#doodles#2023#i remember a looong time ago there was an artist on here that had a hc that#asougi didn’t like eating chicken bc there would be a chicken that scared the shit outta him#so i was talking w my friend abt it offhandedly and they were like. what why didn’t you ever tell me this!!!#LIKE SORRY i forgot my brain genuinely tucked this into the folds of my brain!!!#but they were right. the chicken gets out of the bag#so meet this chicken… it’s name is touhei and since moving to the mikotoba family#this chicken has been the bane of asougi’s existance#does he refuse to eat chicken out of respect for touhei? or out of fear of what may happen if he ever does?#anyways touhei is just a google translation for artillery#my friend and i just hc that yuujin named the chicken that#shoutout to the artist… if i find you i must thank you if youre still here after all these years
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So my mom knows a lot of (kinda random) stuff and sometimes she'll share it with me. And the other day she talked about the Ying and Yang thingy and it got me thinking
This thing
Is about order and chaos. It's about what you know and what you don't; the day and the night. It's not meant to represent evil vs good
Now why am I bringing this up? Because MK is supposed to be the Harbinger of Chaos. See where I'm going?
Chaos is not seen as an evil thing; or not always, at least. Chaos is just... the lack of order. What the Ying and Yang is supposed to represent is balance. There can't be too much chaos, yes, but there also can't be too much order
Qi Xiaotian may be the Harbinger of Chaos, but this only means that he plays a greater part on keeping the balance, well, balanced. He isn't order, and that's good
This can also be seen in his chaotic personality. He's loud and has a hard time listening to other people; he has broken stuff multiple times and pranked people with Mei. Her and MK have always been described as a 'chaotic duo'. Chaos is just part of who MK is! And that's not a bad thing!!
Now that just leaves the question: who is order? Who represents it? Who is the Yang to his Yin?
The main villain we've had so far (LBD, Azure) could be representing order. The Lady Bone Demon wanted a perfect world, a world where there was no chaos; the world she wanted, one she could rule. Azure Lion wanted to overthrow the Jade Emperor to become emperor himself (also, wow, parallels) and keep the peace while also being just and fair to everyone. But I don't really feel like that's enough, y'know?
None of the characters we've seen so far represent order the way MK represents chaos. My first thought was "Mei could be order!" to have some kind of "sun and moon" tragic duo, but it's not very good because Mei is also very chaotic (order is not what you think when you first look at her. Chaos, or chaotic, is what MK reminds people of)
Maybe Bai He? But we haven't seen much of her yet. I would like to have her and MK as a fun duo though. And with the order comparisons w LBD and Bai He having been possessed by her... yeah I think that'd be some good material for a very angsty episode/season
So! The conclusion! MK being the Harbinger of Chaos is not a bad thing and he is literally just helping keep the balance
#i think someone has talked abt this b4???#i can't remember ;(((#i saw a post similar to this one a while ago. idk who made it and i didn't reblog it bc i'm stupid#i'm pretty sure i unconsciously borrowed some stuff from there so. if you're the op then sorry for copying(? your idea!!#plssss if someone finds it tell me i need to see it again it was so good#also yin is femininity. do what you want with that info#lmk#lego monkie kid#qi xiaotian#mk#mei#long xiaojiao#lady bone demon#lbd#azure lion#ying and yang#the jade Emperor#only mentioned but eh#bai he#avis' post
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ehehe i had this saved as 'you tellin me theres blood in this bayou??' anyway WOW i drew this (FOREVER AGO) with only pen (ONLY PEN) and fixed mistakes by gluing paper over them. fuckinnnn WITNESS MY PEN SKILLS LOSEERRRR!! also i loooove blood in the bayou guys i miss these characters so much.... i looooved watching them all get just so so scared and clinging to eachother for dear life while crying and crying and bleeding and crying
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi bitb#jrwi bitb spoilers#cw blood#cw gore#BAUAHABAHUH OKAY NOW UHH I TALK ABT MY FEELINGS#DREWthis forever ago and also its been forever ago since i watched bitb. still listen to the soundtrack tho. shit bAAANNGSSS#nathan hanover you beaufifully talented mother FUCKER the bitb soundtrack is the PERFECT music to get high+scared to#THE SOUNDTRACK MAKES IT. TRACKS LIKE forgotten promise INSTILL SUCH A FEELING OF A HOOOTTT SUMMER DAY.. ESPECIALLY IN THE GODDAMN BAYOU#THE AIR is so thick with moisture and so so so hot but so much more than normal#it chokes ur senses if u focus on it too long and the heat is so so so OPPRESSIVE and heavy#i rly like the way i drew rands face here. i normally have a bit o trouble finding a consistent Look for it but#fuck it im ballin#i also like the bit i drew here with kian n rand tending to an unconscious rolan#do you remember that scene? right after the carcrash? rand was so rattled and so scared of rolan being fuckin Dead#shaking him awake and saying his name#n then as soon as rolan wakes up rand goes back to being a lil jacket#like yeahahh fuck you nerrd fuckin laywer loser anyway heres my jacket to stop the bleeding on ur arm. i love you#IT MAKES ME RLY HAPPY TOO THAT THE BOYS WILL ACTUALLY TELL EACHOTHER THEY LOVE THEM#LIKE SURE ITS RIGHT WHEN THEIR LIFE IS IN THE GREATEST PERIL BUT... THE LOVE EACHOTHER GUYS....#also ALSO DRAWING SCRATCHES N GORE N BLOOD N PAAAIIIN IS SO FUN!! YIPPE!!!!#I THINK thats the last o my thoughts so uhh take this and eat. remember to get scared today. i love you
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i think fandoms can be soooo ridiculous a lot of the time (see: all the nonsensical fan wars, discourse, etc) but i cannot understate how much i actually love fandoms.
like yeah it may be super nerdy and even cringe and outsiders look at it like "why tf do you care about these fictional characters so much?"
but 1) my field is literally..... literary studies..... in which all i do is study fiction and analyse it like an insane person, and 2) even if that WASN'T my field, thinking about the stories we consume is important even for any person to do, because thinking about stories exercises our brain to think critically!! why do you think our ancestors used stories as a medium to share knowledge, to propagate moral values and lessons? stories—telling them, thinking about what they're saying, and caring about the characters within them—are all inherent to the human experience!!!
so that brings me to fandom. because we are literally just making these little communities with each other based on our shared love for a particular story, and for a particular character or theme within them that resonated with us, or whatever. we're all here because we loved a thing so much that we built connections from it!!!
like yeah my irl friends laugh at me when i tell them i write fanfic, cuz ha ha what a nerd what a loser etc, but dude. i made genuine real friendships from fandom alone. from just obsessing over two characters we thought were cute together, we've gone to sending each other gifts and postcards and having voice calls and confiding in each other and sharing parts of us and our personal lives and our cultures (cuz we're all from different countries) with each other! like now i don't even share a fandom with most of my old fandom friends anymore but we still stick by each other and that's amazing???
also like, i cannot emphasise enough how amazing and encouraging it is to share your craft (art/writing/etc) with others in fandom. because for example if i make my own personal art or write my own original work, i'd have no one to share it to, no one interested to see it, and thus no one will be there to provide feedback or encouragement.
but if i post a piece of fan art or fanfic, people actually do see the work i post and care about the craft and the content it's depicting and even share their thoughts on it and that ??? is so motivating and lovely ??? because even though i make art for myself, art is still meant to be shared and seen at the end of the day—even if only with one person. so to be given the means of sharing our art in such a way, to have such a community that fosters so much creativity, it's amazing. i don't really get that anywhere else.
and especially to have this in like, a casual setting, you know, where you can just be yourself and do things according to your own time and energy without the pretenses of professionalism and a perfectly curated resume or portfolio, and all the confines of a rigid work schedule, which would all make the process of creation less fun and less genuine, and instead just more taxing and chore-like.
because fandom is essentially meant to be about doing what's fun for you! it's about sharing your creations and enjoying what others share with you. you make friends and you go ham with it.
and also it's why it's more frustrating when people take things too seriously and legitimately get upset over assumptions of other people's beliefs and hold the most minor grievances that could only be felt if you're like, chronically online.
but on that note, there are definitely still honest-to-god bad people in fandom spaces too (see: racists, TERFS, homophobes, groomers, harassers, etc). but that's the case with all communities, because bad people are always going to exist, and thus statistically speaking, the bigger a group or community is, higher chances are there's gonna be some awful people in there. but honestly that is its own can of worms and also that's not what this post is about, but i felt it necessary to address because i don't want to paint fandom as like, the best thing ever in the world, because fandom spaces are incredibly flawed, as everything is.
but i've always been one to appreciate things despite its flaws. and though this may be very personal to me, when i love things so much, i am still willing to stick around and try to change the culture around it in the ways that i can (like promoting internet safety measures, creating safe spaces for thoughtful and polite discussion, raising awareness on harmful stereotypes and fandom depictions or opinions, etc).
so regardless of the bullshit that online fandom spaces tend to perpetuate, i do very much still love the way that fandom allows me to connect with folks over something as silly as our little blorbos, and from there end up making life-long friends, or at the very least new acquaintances. insert reinforcement of my thesis statement about stories fostering human connection here. the end. send post.
#fandom#inspired by me feeling lots of love for my long-time fandom friends and enjoying making new ones since joining the BES fandom#like i still remember comments i got on my fanfic from years ago. telling me how much my work resonated with them?#talking about how much they cried reading my work? how much it touched them?#like to me that's insane. like i'm thrilled to even have one (1) person care about my work ykwim#bcs irl it's hard to find that kind of recognition? ppl hear like. “oh you write/draw? cool” and it's p much whatever#so yeah. fandom has always been v important to me like i met so many cool and awesome and nice ppl bcs of it#and though I've lost touch with a lot of the friends i've made i still think abt them a lot. they all mean smth to me still#lol joining a new fandom community is makin me feel nostalgic dont mind me!#shut up haydar#scribblings.txt
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yknow i love transmasc/tboy dirk always and forever but the way some ppl treat transmascness vs transfemmeness in HS's narrative........kinda sucks. like the whole thing about how being transfeminine is a literal transient experience and lets the character in question (any character) truly escape the oppression of HS's narrative-as-a-character which is patriarchal and toxic (lord english, hussie-the-character to an extent. i guess. idk ive seen a lotta ppl lump SI-hussie in w/ this), which is great and does hold weight as an analytical lens esp with how hussie irl is nonbinary. but where does this leave transmasc characters. why are we treating (headcanoned) transfemme HS characters like this and then tbh gleefully dooming (headcanoned) transmasc characters to eternal narrative suffering brought by LE and then mocking them for being ''gross tboys'' full of ''icky testorerone'' so its their fault theyre in this perpetual torment really? because they ''''chose to be a man''''? dunno man its starting to feel bad. especially since some bnf's who are really into this fan theory do actually kinda treat the general idea of transmasculinity like somthing to hold with tongs at arms length away from them. as if its alien or infectous or something and then get really mad when equally dysphoric transmascs do the same with feminity. why are we dooming dirk strider to eternal toxic-masculine suffering and what does that say about how we treat real life transmasc folks both in and outside of the fandom
#my t#basically you arent more or less special or deserving of celebration or joy depending on what pronouns you use#and idk yall gender is such a personal thing and your trans experience def does colour the way you look at the world. it def does mine/ours#and i wish ppl on this site would be more honest about that cause holy hell do some of yall treat eachother like dogshit#PURELY on the basis of identity. you are no better than a TERF if you do this. you ARE a TERF if you do this#but like...........can we all at least TRY not to demonize '''the other side''' here#in quotations because theres no '''other side''' in the trans community we're all just trans in different ways#theres just like. yknow#theres a reason why so many tboys and transmasc folks identify with the striders and dirk especially#and theres a reason why *so many* transmascs felt so much joy abt tboy roxy#so many of our lives pre-transition looked and felt like roxy lalondes. so many of us legit forcefully feminized ourselves#bc the alternative was so fucking scary. as you can probably imagine regardless of what flavour of trans you are#theres also a reason why there are so many transmasc fictives named dirk and dave and idk what to tell these ppl abt that#i remember rlly clearly this affectionate joke like a literal decade ago on this site that was like#daves intro dropped and 1mil tboys named dave materialized into existence#dirks intro dropped and 1mil MORE tboys named dirk materialized into existence#i try rlly rlly hard not to get sour at wlw/nblw focused memes that are like#''i made pepsicola better!!! theyre she/theys now :)'' for example#but its getting increasingly harder to ignore when the same ppl who make these memes treat#fans who prefer m/m *bc they themselves are gay* like shit#or like enjoying m/m because theyre mlm is mysogynistic. which it isnt ffs#that shit gives i am uncomfortable when is not about me and i aint here for that#if i were like these ppl maybe id turn all their fave girls into tboys just to spite them#but it wont be just to spite them bc 1) i aint abt that actually. im too fuckin grown for it and 2)#i genuinely just enjoy exploring m/m and masculinity more because i am a trans mlm. its very simple math
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loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again
#THERAPEUTIC. incredible things happening.#this person. me and this guy both love this person. but Oh my God.#he called to tell me abt something that kind of pissed him off last night and i started talking about a month and a half ago#why are we handholding this grown ass person thru fomo and massive control issues. well. it's not a dealbreaker but i might blow up one day#oscillating between 'yes i love them' and 'i've been pissed for a month and a half'#the horrors of having a interconnected friend group? it's really just two people i would really really hate to lose. others wouldn't be as#affected but those two. i love them. and AGAIN it's not a dealbreaker it's just kind of a buildup of behaviors. anyone remember my bitchy#post about the fomo/anxiety essay#also smaller things like Why are you trying to micromanage two disc servers that you dont have to lift a fucking finger in#um. my beloved irl if you see this. you didn't. i do love her to death. you know i do#the issue is if i put out all my issues they would take it really badly like they would act like it's the end of the fucking world#when i'm just like hey i am not your mother or your therapist and also stop trying to tell me what to fucking do#they would. um. lose it.#and some people are gonna get hit in the crossfire and i don't want to cause that. even tho it. wouldnt really be me.
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starting to let myself truly believe he wants me for real and is truly having the same revelation i did a month ago
#🗞️#a month ago TOMORROW. 21st of october.#aka i went on a date for the first time since meeting him and all i could think about was our makeout sesh from 2 nights ago and how much#id rather be spending time with him .#and yet i still went on to date 3 other people? 4???? i dont remember#and yep. the feeling is still the same.#and im letting myself believe he feels the same bc when we kiss he stops for a sec and says to me 'stop...you cant..' but he doesnt mean#kissing bc he leans for it after saying that and i asked him wtf he means by that and he said that i just cant . ?#also last time we saw each other he complimented my looks like 3 times. hes never done that before?#not in that way at least#and just. we catch ourselves randomly staring at each other okay whatever#and also. he keeps dodging my questions abt his date yesterday?#like the guy was very into him and asked him on another date and i was like yay so happy for you!! and hes like ehhh#and im like. ???what is it like you said hes very cool and your date was very nice so is it that hes moving too fast or did you end up not#vibing with him. AND HE KEEPS DODGING THE QUESTIONS#so. im letting myself believe. everything was fine but it just wasnt me. esp how he keeps texting me that we need to go to the same bars he#went to yesterday. ❤️#we need to talk fr. im even considering just flat out telling him hey i have a crush on you just tell me to fuck off so i dont break my own#heart and we can keep queening out forever.#but. theres a possibility. that he wants me for real.
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I've straight up had the most bizarre morning @.@
#had a dream abt my abusive ex#then remembered im going to a bday party for his nephew today bc they want me there really badly (they are a child) and idk if ill see him#and then spent all morning transcribing the 6 songs from my ~abuse recovery~ album into a new notebook#plus went to therapy two days ago to deal w his bullshit so im in a weird place mentally#also some personal stuff w a friend and its just#idkkkkkkkk#and im really stuck on 'let your friends decide if they're in a place to help you' bc like. how? how can i do that?#what if they feel obligated to listen to me but are tired/done/sick of my shit? or it makes them worse?#and even then its terrifying to admit bc honestly the last time i really opened up to someone it was MY FUCKING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX#and its like. i KNOW thats the ~trauma~ speaking but um. what if its not? what if i let myself break down in front of someone and they do#the same shit? or tell me that i misread the room or misinterpreted what they said as an okay and it wasnt? what if i fuck it up?#goddamnit i hate being aware of whats going on in my brain this would be easier if i wasnt aware of the source of this shit#UGH#I NEED TRANSMOGRIFIED TO BE OUT SO I CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC ABOUT THIS
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it makes me so🥺🥺🥺that when i was little we had new neighbors in the village and they were from romania, and the girl was younger than i was and didnt speak catalan or spanish, so we became friends and since i called my grandparents padrí and padrina, she called them that too😭🥺
#a few weeks ago we saw each other after like 5 yrs and she was like 'com està la padrina?' and the other day she messaged me w condolences#bc of my grandma. and she said 'em sap molt greu lo de la padrina'#like AGH stop youre making me cry😭😭😭🥺🥺🥺#also important context is that i am an only granddaughter lol#and i think it was also a plus for my grandparents bc i wasnt always there. meanwhile she lived there always#actually i think she started living in the village when i was still in the US bc i remember my grandma telling me#abt how there was a new girl living next to us etc etc. and i couldnt wait to meet her bc it was like.#finally!!!!!!!!! kids my age in the village that arent my cousins!!!!!!!!!!!#n the other day the village doctor asked me abt her as well. he was like 'are you still friends w [redacted]? you were inseparable as kids'#z xarre
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i love how when i got the ask from eizen suddenly i had a notif of 7 on my inbox and was all "????" only to be reminded of all my 3+ year old asks sitting in there unanswered bc i forgot all abt them
#🃏 ℳᵃᵍᶤᵏᵃᶻᵃᵐ ━ ( ooc )#// i just lol bc it reminds me this is an old blog#// but omfg the one i'm saddest abt not answering and not remembering having was one from a velvet#// like nooooo how could i have missed a velvet ask???#// and i loved that velvet too#// part of me is like 'should i reply to this specific one even if it's from 2020?'#// but wheeze that'd be weird#// i also lol @ one anon telling me 'hey message that friend of yours you miss' and yknow what?#// i actually did and like i'm just happy we keep in contact bc i love them v much#// ignore me i'm dumb and laughing at all my old asks i should clear my askbox out#// esp of the few anons being creepy to my muse ew that was why i left magilou ages ago#🃏 ℳᵃᵍᶤᵏᵃᶻᵃᵐ ━ ( tbd )
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misery despair suffering etc etc
#purrs#delete later#two thoughts about separate things both causing the despair. thought / thing number 1 which i think ive talked abt on here many times before#but im saying it again: i am not good at being a friend in the ways my friends need me to be a friend. and in the ways friendship is thought#of societally i guess. i isolate myself constantly. i pull away from the opportunity to get closer with people i don’t know as well. i don’t#text back and then when im finally ready it’s been so egregiously long since it was appropriate for me to respond or reciprocate or#whatever it is i am so crushed by guilt and shame and embarrassment that i can’t bring myself to do it. i have so many unread messages and i#wont even let myself open them. and ive been like this for years. and i hurt someone very badly many years ago by being that way. and it was#more complicated than that but sometimes i remember it and how i acted and how i treated them. and i wonder sometimes if they check up on me#and i don’t want to be immature or weird or whatever for talking about it or wondering that openly. but if you do read this and you know who#you are: i am so sorry. i meant whst i said that i would never stop wishing you well and hoping the very best for you. and i hope you have#all of that and more. and im so sorry for not being brave enough to communicate with you or stick around. i really really am. and im sorry#to all the other people i have hurt by pulling away and shutting down and shrinking inside myself and not talking. ik it’s weird to post#that instead of just telling people directly but it’s the guilt. i am fully aware of how many people / groups of people i owe things to /#for but also just… miss. a lot. and want to talk to even though i won’t let myself. i don’t know why im like this and i don’t know how to#stop. but im sorry im not a good friend or even acquaintance or community member. and im talking to everyone now i guess including anyone#reading this bc god knows how many asks and messages i have on here. im sorry. i want to be a better friend. but i also never have spoons. a#and i also want to stay spoonless and cocooned on myself forever and never come out. and i hate that. i want to be a friend. i want to be#kind and giving and loving and generous in the ways you all have been with me. i want to hang out with people and send messages and be there#to lift people up and celebrate with them. but all i can muster is tapping like on social media and it’s horrific. i have gifts to make and#hello / checking in messages to reply to and roleplay starters to post and i just can’t do it right now and im scared i’ll never be able to#again. but it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. if i say i can’t do it then iwont. it’s not enougu to just be aware of it i have to act on it#and change it. but im exhausted and hurting right now and i have been for years and i need to heal first but what if this is healing.#idk. i rambled on that for much longer than i thought i would so nowim gonna say the second thing in a separate post. and it’ll be weird to#post about that in light of this and it’ll be weird to post this at all. but its been weighing on me so heavily today and i don’t want#anyone to think im ignoring them or not aware of being like this or whatever. and posting into the void is easier than telling individual#people to your faces even though i know it’s cowardly. im really truly sorry. i will try to get better once i have the strength to try.#actually yeah no not gonna say the second thing yet. it would be weird to say it now. this needs to sit a little first
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if tumblrs looking for things to develop more specifically, the badges could be 1000 times more interesting
#i remember natter went fuckin ham on those and it was . so much fun#the day mariah found out there was a badge you could get for finding i think 500 different ways to censor fuck. what a day#i think there was one for the just bought this new lamborghini here guy cause that meme was big then#like ppl were joking a while ago abt a badge for if u get blocked by a certain amount of people but look me in the#eyes and tell me if you got one of those it wouldnt be the funniest day of your life
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I've realized the mutual love between humans and dragons showing itself as mimicry of each other and I want to cry
#smudgy.txt#etherlan#IM FEELING EMOTIONAL ABOUT HUMANS AND THEIR RELATIONSHIPS W OTHER CREATURES RN OK#the dragon mage insitute exists to be a love letter to dragons#its believed that humans and dragons were very close at creation but gradually grew apart over time#(bc of human error is the common belief but its different depending on who youre talking to)#anyway the institute was created as a 'we havent forgotten you'#which reminds me of this village i thought of a while ago#they have an annual celebration where the whole village will head to their nearby mountain#to set up camp and cook lots of food and sing and dance and make lamps to light up the mountainside#the mountain is believed to be a dragon who fell asleep waiting for her human companion she separated w long ago to come back#long story short they never returned but shes still waiting believing they will#and when a person from the village found out she was there all alone they started bringing their family to visit#to talk abt the years events and cook and tell stories sing and dance etc#to keep her company#& over the years the group of visitors just continued to grow until it became a whole celebration#anyway while most ppl fear the dragons bc uhh theyre Scary there is still many who wish to say 'we remember you'. yknow
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Ok guys but cmon…. Reality shifting.
#reality shifting#shifting#literally want to shift so bad#almost embarrassed abt it LMAOOO#like I’m sure it’s possible#if aliens and lucid dreaming are real then shifting should be valid too imo#I remember making a full ass script n shit a few years ago#n I kinda gave up after that but a few days ago I tried and GUYS.#when I tell you I felt the weirdest shit ever#felt like I was going through one of those wormholes u see on tt 🤪#no but I’m being fr bro#why would I lie abt it too like that’s embarrassing ngl 💀#anyways I’ve been trying for past coupl of days cos I thought I would get closer#but NUH UH!#so I’m gonna take a break n maybe try next week#(watch me try shift again tonight)#anyways ya
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AUGHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#waiting for smn is soooo#idk#idk how to feel what to think#anyway asked my friends for advice on it#they were all like u should have a convo abt it. bc like#emotional support is important in a relationship and receiving none of it is bad#like how come we r both having a tough time and yet so far i was like aw theyre having a horrible time theyre dealing w#depression thats why they cant support me :(( like.#im also having a tough time dealing w depression and ive been there 4 them consistently !!! and im sorry but like when i was horribly#depressed like 10x worse than this yrs ago i remember i still did my best to be there for whoever i was dating at the time#but rn its so one sided like im excusing a complete lack of emotional support under the category of mental health stuff#and even tho i told myself it was an explanation not an excuse it was in fact both. it was def an excuse#depression can make it hard for u to be there for others but when theyre ur partner and ur best friend and u cant even respond#to them stating how they feel properly that is bad !! viewing them telling u their current emotion or feeling bc thats what the topic is#as ~putting stuff on you randomly~ is bad!!#like fr whenever i feel sad i have to eat up my feelings and cry on my.own bc im afraid theyre not going to respond well to me telling them#that. its not like i vent or anything either (w/o asking. but i dont even do that) its just#UGHHH IDK#anyway ive been avoiding this convo w them for a while bc i have been trying to be patient and just. wait for them to get better#and maybe someday they would be there for me!! maybe my friends r all the emotional support i need if i feel so bad that i cant keep it in!#but its just not fair on me i think. ive been feeling shit too!!! i forgot that i existed#until i finally told my friends abt it and they were like. relationships r a two way street etc etc#anyway yh#idk how this will go x#taking some time away to collect my thoughts n so are they so
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