#and then spent all morning transcribing the 6 songs from my ~abuse recovery~ album into a new notebook
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I've straight up had the most bizarre morning @.@
#had a dream abt my abusive ex#then remembered im going to a bday party for his nephew today bc they want me there really badly (they are a child) and idk if ill see him#and then spent all morning transcribing the 6 songs from my ~abuse recovery~ album into a new notebook#plus went to therapy two days ago to deal w his bullshit so im in a weird place mentally#also some personal stuff w a friend and its just#idkkkkkkkk#and im really stuck on 'let your friends decide if they're in a place to help you' bc like. how? how can i do that?#what if they feel obligated to listen to me but are tired/done/sick of my shit? or it makes them worse?#and even then its terrifying to admit bc honestly the last time i really opened up to someone it was MY FUCKING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX#and its like. i KNOW thats the ~trauma~ speaking but um. what if its not? what if i let myself break down in front of someone and they do#the same shit? or tell me that i misread the room or misinterpreted what they said as an okay and it wasnt? what if i fuck it up?#goddamnit i hate being aware of whats going on in my brain this would be easier if i wasnt aware of the source of this shit#UGH#I NEED TRANSMOGRIFIED TO BE OUT SO I CAN LISTEN TO MUSIC ABOUT THIS
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