#and even then its terrifying to admit bc honestly the last time i really opened up to someone it was MY FUCKING EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE EX

[transmogrified-in-the-void]

I've straight up had the most bizarre morning @.@

[amethystfairy1]

hi I'm back again already lol, bc u really ought to know all the great things about ttsbc that I was too lazy to write out last time lmao.

Also! totally fine that ur not doing skizzpulse, you should write what inspires/motivates you (personally very motivated by them xD I've written ~90k words of skizzpulse myself rip)

Anyways, good things! You! you're the good things! I honestly can't remember when I last sent an ask in for the lil guys, so I'm just gonna say something I loved about each of their recent arcs.

First, Treebark. There's been so many identity reveals but I think this has been my favorite thus far. Ren going all protective boyfriend and fighting over Martyn was SO GOOD, plus soft kisses and they can just hold hands now without Ren being afraid he'll figure it out. Also loved Martyn seducing his entire family while being terrified out of his mind by big dog people with knives, like, I'd be a little out of it too. but the fam doesn't even notice but Ren did and is all supportive and comforts him, offers to take him home. I love how well they can read each other, like they're just in tune. they're soulmates, your honor. and, AND this means we can have double dates where they all know now! so excited :)))))

Zedango. this is what started me reading your stuff (the first fic I ever wrote was actually my own tt zedango ficlet, btw. that feels like an eternity ago now) I love how they've simultaneously progressed and devolved into slightly unhealthy relationship territory. something about not everything being perfect all the time just adds so much depth and realism to their relationship, as well as keeping the plot tense without feeling like you're making up problems just to have something to write about. AND THEN Tango doing the blazeborn courtship rituals was just so aaaaaaaa (THEY"RE SO ADORBSABLEEE) Tango setting aside his disgust with his claws to take care of Zed even tho its uncomfortable for him, and then Zed recognizing that and having all the warm fuzzy fondness for his bf was so sweet. Doc's notes about the rituals were on point, with how he reassures Tango that they're normal, healthy things and saying he's always open to having a conversation about it. (tho, i doubt Tango's ever taken him up on that offer lmao)

The other fic that's been in my head is ur most recent one, Handshakes and Headaches. I highly doubt we'll get a cub reveal in this next chapter, but ig we'll see soon enough. I loved how Cub just knew instantly that Grian was a hybrid and was just going in spirals putting it together that he was cuteguy, then him coming to the wrong conclusion about whether Scar knew, too, was just perfect. Tho, if he did think Scar knew and was cool with it, I wonder what he'd do first? Tell Scar his own secret, guess Grian's secret in front of them? I feel like he would think the safe thing would be to confront Scar about Grian being Cuteguy, and then if/when Scar admits it and says he's cool with it, Cub would feel safe(r) revealing his own identity. Maybe not right away, but sometime. Also, that would mean everyone in Hot Cave knows about hybrids and undercity, so he wouldn't have to glamor while he works (tho, that would also require revealing to Zed... they don't seem super close, but it's kinda obvious that Zed's chill w/ the undercity people, considering he's dating Tango and Cub knows that).

Also! now that Hypno knows G and Scar are safe, I really wanna see him revealing to Scar and Scar being all supportive and stuff :)))) Hypno wasn't someone I knew I needed in this world, but I'd die for him now. (ALSO the casual mention that his scales are dry and flaky rather than smooth and taken care of??? Hello?????? Someone get him some proper self-care ASAP, maybe take him swimming at a private pool or something idk. I feel like the moment Scar knows, he's going to be on it with the cookies and love and support. so excited hehehe)

anyways, I'm probably forgetting something, but whatever. I'll be back with more art soon (maybe I draw Hypno, since I've never done that before and electric eel hybrid sounds cool. Actually, I've decided, I'm gonna do it now. remind me what that looks like pls? or I go reread, whichever happens faster lol)

Ok that's all, have a good day!

I LOVE THE RAMBLESSSSS

Petition to get Hypno a private pool 😆

I'm so glad you love the slightly unhealthy but also very loving Zedango situation we have going on!

I LOVED YOUR TT ZEDANGO FIC! I'M STILL WAITING FOR THE SEQUEL!!!! 😭 /j you don't have to write one if you don't wanna BUT KNOW THAT I LOVED IT!

Ren being a protective boyfriend is all I need sometimes! It's just good fun! Thank you so much for telling all about everything!!!

I would actually LOVE to see how you would design Hypno if you do feel like drawing him! That sounds amazing! Electric Eel hybrid time!!!! 💖

[slickchickchocolatier]

HHP Chapter 18 - MDNI18+

READ NOTES!

Okay so i know i say this all the time...but truly, this one is my favorite chapter....you'll see why. please excuse it not being proofread, we're visiting some family and friends so that's my excuse this time lol....

Text in purple are song lyrics. IDK why but every time i highlight song lyrics sometimes the color doesn't highlight the entire verbiage, just ignore that.

Warnings: Sensual smut, descriptive, unprotected sex, angst, fighting, arguing, controlling behavior, imbalance of power in a relationship, restricting freedom (towards reader), obsessive/controlling/possessive behavior (very yandere...ofc it's heethan).

So it is a REQUIREMENT that you read the smau "Netflix and Chill" (all three parts) before reading this. It will be better if you read the entire MGR arc, but if you dont feel like reading the whole thing, at least read the smau and the last few chapters of MGR (Chapter 9-12) bc this is heavily referenced with a timeline of events that occurred in those chapters...otherwise it's going to just confuse you. I'm linking the smau and the masterlist for MGR below, i would suggest reading the chapters first and then reading the smau.

MGR MASTERLIST <- Click

“Why can’t you just see from my perspective once in a while??”

“Don’t I?...why can’t you see mine? I care and love you too much…I’m the only one that loves you, and I’m the only one that will protect and take care of you.”

“But I’ll be with the others-“

“That’s enough.”

“No!”

Back and forth, you both had bickered nonstop. An argument caused by the event of you informing Heeseung that you wanted to join the girls on a road trip, but Heeseung’s schedule was too booked for him to attend, therefore, you weren’t able to go…at least he wouldn’t allow you to.

“You do realize that this is not typical human behavior in a relationship right?” you snarked out with your arms crossed, glaring at him with slightly glossed eyes as you reached a level of frustration from feeling restricted…like a child.

“I never said it was.” He responded back calmly….to calm.

“You can’t treat me this way! Its not fair Heeseung.”

“I never said I played fair either…” standing before you, he tilts his head back just slightly to peek his eyes from the shadow of his cap, opening them wide as he glares down at you from a staggering height. His iris shrinks up the wider he opens them. You couldn’t deny it, it terrified you, especially seeing that his Ethan side wasn’t present at all, yet he was already so mad….how would it have been if his aggressive side did come through?

Shaking your head in defeat, you turn around and walk over to the window and tried to compose yourself as you took deep breaths. Placing your hands on your waist, you tilt your head back to look up at the ceiling as you count silent numbers in your head.

‘1…..2…..3……4…..’

Feeling his hands reach around your waist, cupping your ribcage, he leans into your ear to gently whisper and kiss it. But you were far from wanting to feel him let alone seeing him.

“Stop!” you snapped as you peel his hands off.

“Don’t touch me right now, I want to be left alone.”

Snarking out a smirk out of amusement and irritation, he looks at the doorway before looking at you.

“You really don’t get it, do you? after all this time you treat the love I have for you as some sort of joke…” he responds.

“I do not! I just think you go overboard. It isn’t normal!” you spoke out, and in all honestly, you spoke out of anger. Generally, you didn’t mind Heeseung’s mannerism when it came to his level of obsession and possession over you, in fact, a lot of the time, you loved it. But at this moment, you were too angry to remind yourself of how much you deeply craved his unhealthy level of possessiveness over you.

“That’s what I mean…..i never said it was normal…in fact….it’s insane…I’M….insane….i’m insanely in love with you and I never claimed to be a man who loves you in any other aspect…yet you keep comparing my love for you to other people’s definition of love….it pisses me off.” His voice remained calm, yet you could tell by the influctuation of his tone, that he was getting quite mad towards your disregard of his love for you.

“I’ve loved other women in that normal aspect…..I’ve loved them in the way that you’re comparing me to right now…..and honestly, they deserved it. Because the type of love I have for you is unlike anything I’ve felt or displayed towards anyone….and here you are wanting something different. Why can’t you be more considerate and just accept it? Why can’t you maybe fucking return it back once in a while or show some type of love that goes beyond ‘normal’?”

His words hit you deeply. Snapping your frame around to face him, you glared at him as you spoke out in high tempo, with a level of anger that you hadn’t felt in a very long time.

“What are you talking about? I love you! I’ve always loved you!” you lashed out, restricting the volume of your voice from getting too loud, yet it was indeed rising.

“Nah y/n…..you only love when I was there for you…when I was there holding your hand and comforting you because of Samuel and that stupid email he sent. I’m talking about real love…something you don’t know nothing about…you have any idea how it feels to look at something and get a feeling that they are beyond your reach? Yet you know that they are yours…that they belong to you? You have any idea what it feels like to love someone from a distance and watch them love someone else? Hmm? Do you?...I’m willing to bet you don’t…”

He spoke out with a slight side smirk….acting as if he knew the answers in regards to love. Your heart sank….you knew it wasn’t entirely his fault..yet….

“Are you kidding me? Heeseung, you obviously have no idea what you’re talking about.” You flared your hands as they dropped back down in minor defeat as you nearly began to sob in full.

“How could he say that to me?.....Does he truly not know?.....”

Smirking at you once more, all at the sight of you with the tears beginning to stream down your face, his cold and heartless words came out once more.

“You don’t…..you don’t know what it was like to watch you….dedicate yourself to someone else…being committed…loving them and cherishing them….even though they didn’t return any of it…..yet you still were so tenacious with your love for them….and I had to watch it all…..” shifting his gaze to the window behind you, then right back into your eyes, he chuckles with a closed mouth.

“Maybe you do know of the love I’m talking about….now that I just broke it down….you displayed that love towards Samuel…..didn’t you?”

Your mouth slowly gasps open in despair.

“But you never did it for me…..only until he came out with the truth and betrayed you…..and when I took the opportunity to get you for myself…that’s when you decided to return the love I have for you. I’m happy….but I’ll never forget that pain of wondering how to get you……coming up with ways and thoughts to sabatoge your relationship with him…..coming up with ways to get you for myself….i planned…I coordinated….fortunately I didn’t have to do any of that….because it all worked out….yet you’re going to sit there and just think I’m crazy and not think about the fact that it’s all because of my desire to be with you that drives me crazy….y/n…”

You shook your head slightly out of anger….you didn’t prolong the conversation any further as you felt like nothing you could say or do would make a difference.

Turning away for the last time, you leaned against the window and stared outside, by now, the girls would have already packed and left for their trip…. without you. Even h/n was joining them.

“why…just why?.....”

Seeing that you were no longer going to lash out or come up with any other response, Heeseung merely turns and heads for the door. Softly, without turning, he starts off speaking by facing the door, before turning his head to face his side profile in your direction as he finishes his words.

“I’m going to be downstairs….so we can both cool off. Think about what I said…in the meantime, stay here.”

With that, he leaves and shuts the door behind, leaving you in the room to remain as he demanded. You knew better than to try and break his command, especially with him downstairs, but more so because in the past, every single time you had tried to walk out during a heated argument, he always caught you…sometimes even before you could reach for the door.

At least he was understanding to give you some space, yet it was always in a guarded room…his room. He never let you go out…not for a walk…not for some air….not for anything. He was too controlling and restricting….all because of his ‘love’ for you.

“Fucking bullshit…”

…………………………….

Arriving downstairs and into the kitchen, Heeseung was glad that the rest of his housemates all went out for the weekend. He hated arguing, yet hated it even more if others were overhearing it.

Pouring himself a small drink of a gentleman’s liquor, he walks back over to the living room. Staring up at the open railed corridor that led to his room, he stares at the door as he takes a sip out of his glass. Licking his lips and poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, a calm yet pissed off expression on his face, he sits the drink down on the coffee table before laying on the sofa.

“Fucking Hell….I’ll fix her after we cool down for a bit….”

Laying down and shifting his frame to sink into the cushions, he pulls down his cap slightly and forces himself to nap.

Upstairs, you decided to do the same, seeing as there was absolutely nothing for you to really do, since your phone and his laptop were both downstairs. Taking advantage of everyone being gone since yesterday, you and Heeseung had the entire frat home to yourselves. Earlier when he was studying, you had made breakfast for you both. It was shortly after breakfast ended that the argument began, where you started to feel fed up and, mistakenly leaving your phone on the kitchen island, you walked upstairs out of haste. A moment later, he came up and found you sulking in the room as you sat on the edge of the bed with your arms crossed, your head turned away, and trying to avoid speaking to him at all costs since you were already reaching an anger pitch that was bringing the worst out of you. It all went downhill from that point on.

Laying on his bed, you shift over to your side as pieces of your hair drapes over your shoulder and cheek, while the rest grazes over the pillow in a waterfall effect. With the tear streams dried, yet still evident as they left their mark on your face, you drift off, subtly sobbing once more out of frustration, feeling hopeless and defeated.

The evening shadows of night arrived as the sky turned pitch dark. Waking up in the dark atmosphere of the living room, Heeseung gets up and stretches. Taking his glass over to the kitchen to wash it out, he sees the screen of your phone brightening up from notifications of a study group you have set for next week.

“We already spend so much time apart due to classes….how could she want to go away for the weekend….away from me? She knows better than to ask that.”

Taking your phone, he views the texts of the study group. Some of the peers were female…some were male.

“I hate that…”

Still feeling a bit distasteful from the heated argument earlier, and noticing how familiar the boys in the group text were addressing and directing their messages to you, Heeseung proceeds to go into your contacts and begins to erase all the male contacts off your phone….again.

It took you nearly two days to place all those numbers back in, thank God you have a recall roster saved in your notepad, otherwise it would have been painful to go up to everyone in class asking for their numbers. Last time, he even erased the female contacts, including H/N and the girls, all due to getting mad over the April Fools prank that they encouraged you to do.

Setting your phone back down on the countertop, he was about to walk away when another notification came in. It was from h/n sending a picture of her and the girls all arriving at the hotel.

“Wish you were here with us! Miss you!”  the text read.

Scoffing, he slightly rolls his eyes.

“What the fuck-ever.”

He doesn’t deny that your friends care for you, but no one truly loves or misses you like he does. He knows that…if only you knew…if only you knew what it was like to yearn for someone so much.

Pouring himself another drink in a clean glass, he takes a sip as he browses through your phone, particularly the message between you and him. He needed to get into a better mood before confronting you again, so why not look at all the loving messages that transpired between you two?

It started to work, yet each time when he thought he was feeling better, the words he issued to you echoed in his brain. It made him think back to the moments where you weren’t his…back when you were in love with Samuel and Heesueng was continuing on his relationship with Vicky, all for the sake of using her as a means in getting closer to you.

“If only she knew…”

Perhaps it was a good idea just to leave you alone for the rest of the night, he was nowhere near a good or decent mood to talk with you. He was still so angry, and now that he was recalling his emotions before he had you, he was feeling a little emotionally frustrated. Exiting out of the chat between you and him, reaching up to click the phone screen off, something caught his eye. It was a recent text message that you had sent to yourself.

“Y/N ###”

“Huh….interesting.”

He scoffs internally as he clicked on the chat.

“Probably sent some mental notes or reminders to herself.”

He was right. All the recent and collection of texts to yourself were of reminders, notes, and scheduled group study dates that you had sent to yourself. Days, weeks, and months’ worth of them. He continues to scroll all the way up, until he reached the timeline before you two started dating, where he saw messages you sent reminding yourself to send Samuel some gifts or a text message wishing him luck on a scheduled football game at his college.

Regardless that these messages were sent way before you and he became an official pair, a couple and now, engaged, seeing the messages you sent yourself in regard to Samuel didn’t sit right with him. One by one, he begins to erase the reminders….when a particular series of messages caught his eye….noting the date and the time of each message, he pulls his own phone out and scrolls through the messages he had with you, back to the timeline that matched your self texts….. and there it was, with the date and time matching exactly with the texts you sent yourself, he finds out that the messages, were all submitted right after the discussion he had with you.

Viewing the messages all in order, he begins reading the conversation from start to finish.

It was all coming back to him...how Vicky was expressing her pity for you....because at the time, not that you weren't aware, but everyone had assumed that you were blind....they all felt sorry for you...thinking that you were in denial...that you were blindly loving a man that didn't love you back.

Not wanting you to be left alone, Vicky asked for Heeseung to check in on you. Reading the contents of her requesting message, he stumbled across a moment in time, where he had saw something within you that he has now completely forgotten, all since he had you in his life permanently....

………………….

"She did...she always had....somehow back then...I knew she was alot like me....she yearned for love...."

Continuing on, he reads the contents of the messages you and he both shared the next night...

His chest heaves, his breathing deepens when he lowers his phone and raises yours in his other hand, reading what you wrote….

“Sweet pea…tell me….what’s on your mind? “

“Hmm?”

“I know my girl, something is on our mind. Even though your mother and I just drove down here yesterday to see you for the weekend, I know when something is bothering my girl, come here, tell papa what you’re thinking about….is it about Samuel?”

“…..no…actually….Samuel and I…..I don’t know….I’ve reached out and have done all I can…but I think I lost him…..”

“And you still love him? Are you saddened by losing him?”

“No…..no not really….even though I’m still trying…I’m not in denial…I just….”

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying? What’s wrong y/n?”

“……I don’t even care if I lose Samuel…I just …I don’t know why I keep trying with him….i think it’s because…..there is a man…who I really…..i think….”

“……..do you love this man?...the one you’re talking about?”

“……………….yes………but I can’t have him….”

“why is that?”

“Because he’s my roommates boyfriend……and he’s a good man…..so he loves her dearly….although I’m not sure if she loves him back…..”

“…So you keep trying with Samuel to fill the emptiness of not having the love of the one you truly want?”

“………yes….”

“…..I see…….it’s alright y/n……everything happens for a reason…..”

“But…..does it have to hurt this bad?.....”

“It does……because it’s true love….”

“so just this once….would it be bad….would it be considered weak if I cried?......I don’t like it but…..would it be okay….to cry this one time……that wouldn’t change the fact that I’m trying to be strong?”

“no….it’s okay to cry….it’s always okay to cry……come here, come hug good ol’ pappy.”

“……I don’t want to hurt anymore…how do I make it stop?”

“You can’t…..when you truly love and yearn for someone….sometimes the only way we can relay or show them that we love them….sometimes the only way to truly love them….is from afar and through our tears……”

The weekend ended, and your parents made the 5 hour drive back to their home, leaving you to prepare for class the next morning. Doing your homework inside your room, Vicky walks in and catches your attention.

“Oh! Y/N! hey, in three weeks from now, don’t make any plans! We’re going to go to a party!”

“What party?”

“There is a newly formed frat that is throwing their welcoming party in three weeks, we’re all going, so make sure you don’t make any plans.” She smiles as she plops herself on your bed.

Chuckling, you nod.

“Okay…I’ll go.”

“Oh my gosh Y/n! You look so chic!”

“maaaaaan you are going to get some looks at this party.”

Walking with your arms looped with a fellow classmate, you and the girls all arrive at the party.

Settling in towards the back of the kitchen where the open bar was stationed, you stood off to the side as you engaged subtly in minor conversation with the girls. Vicky disappeared, and you’re certain she was with him.

Yet for a moment, you could have sworn your eyes deceived you when you saw him walking into the kitchen area, dressed casually yet somewhat fancier than his usual choice, however, his black cap remains as usual. Spotting you, he walks up and greets you as you wave and smile at him.

“Hi Ethan.”

“Y/n…..how have you been?”

“I’ve been good, how have you been doing? It’s been a while.”

Admiring you, you couldn’t see his eyes, yet he was grateful for he didn’t want you to notice how deeply he was studying your features. Reaching up with his hand, he makes a delicate closed fist and softly rests it against your cheek, using the extension of his thumb, he strokes a piece of hair that was subtly connected to the corner of your mouth. Tucking it behind another strand, he makes sure it stays in place so that he could keep admiring that face of yours….

The events of the night transpired and escalated the moment that Gabe and his friend displayed an assortment of verbal harassment towards you. Yet he was there to protect you…to save you…..to stand in between you and those terrible men…like always. The feeling rose back up again.

“……he does this…he always does this….but I can’t have him….i don’t belong to him…..”

Feeling a sense of hopelessness and the sadness of an unrequited love, you rush out. He takes notice, though him and everyone else assumed it was all due to being flushed from what you had just experienced with Gabe and his friend.

Walking back to your dorm, you received the notification that, for a moment in time, left a dent in your heart……Samuel’s email.

Making it back to your dorm, you held your sobs in until you reached your bed. Leaving your phone screen on, you fell into a symbolic state as you matched the room to reflect your emotions….all dark…with only just that little bit of light remaining…though it was barely there…..normally it was the other way around….yet….now you found yourself enveloped in the darkness that was eating you inside.

“……I want what she has so badly….but I can’t have him…..so I was willing to make it work with Samuel….i’ve tried….I’ve tried all this time…and I’ve tried so hard…..yet it was all for nothing…should I be surprised? When was the last time he contacted me? Aside from tonight with that email?.....God…I’m so desperate for the love and affection of him…that I put myself through pain and wasted affection for a man that had been lying and unfair to me for the last six months…….so now what?.....If I can’t even keep the love of someone who is unworthy……and I can’t have the love of someone who I’m more than willing to love in her place…….then who is there for me to love?.....”

Slowly, you hear the door open. Closing your eyes, you knew it was Vicky, yet you didn’t want to be approached, so you pretended to sleep. You hear her footsteps coming in closer to your bed.

“Please…Vicky…not now…..I can’t talk….just let me be alone for now….please.”

The footsteps stop right at the side of your bed. You hear her reach and grab your phone….

“Oh God…the email…..she’s going to read it….”

Seconds later, you hear the phone being placed back on your nightstand. Sitting on the edge of your bed, right beside you, you felt her hand……you smelled her scent…….you heard her breathing……

But it wasn’t her……

Opening your eyes upon recognizing the scent, the feel of his touch, and the steady faint tone in his breath, you look up and saw him…..looking at you compassionately. With a soft tone in his voice, he speaks…starting off the conversation in the night that led to the events that forever changed your life…..

“Who made you cry?”………

Placing the phones down, he leaves them in place as he starts to walk towards the stairway….

I fell by the way The reason you haven't heard from me

Just didn't want to tell you Or see me this way

Having fun with someone

With a soft hand on the rail, he trails up each step, calmly.

Circumstance, who would've guessed

Force my hand when I was homeless He just, he wouldn't understand

If you saw me Holding his hand

Breaching the door, he pauses as he stands on the other side.

I fell from your grace The reason you haven't seen me here

I just, I didn't want to tell you to your face But I left clues you couldn't refuse

Knob in his hand, he freezes for a second, before gently and quietly entering, noting the lack of sound and lighting.

Obvious, you're friends would see I knew you'd get the word eventually

There you were, soundly asleep on his bed…..and as always, you looked so damn beautiful….

I'd rather have them tell you It's just as well

The picture's gone

Walking over….stealth with soundless motion, he approaches the edge of the bed. Extending his hand out, he softly grazes his fingertips over the soft skin of your cheek. Coiling your hair around his fingers, he sits by your lying side, taking a moment to admire the face of the woman he loves….the one who unknowingly stole his heart…without even trying…

Hovering atop of you, he places his forearms on the bed, off to each side of your shifted face as he admires your side profile directly above. Resting a bit of his weight on your body, he feels you move from the sudden density that was placed on your body. Raising his hand, he moves the hair away from your cheek to full expose your profile, admiring it, he smiles softly.

Leaning in, he places a gentle and tender kiss against your cheek, trailing off to the side towards your ear before he softly breathes over your canal.

Reaching over to your breast, he pulls down the spaghetti straps of your form fitted summer dress. Placing a hand over one of your busty mounds, he caresses it while stroking his thumb over your nipple, all the while he softly licks and kisses your helix.

You moan out as you start to wake up from the slight pressure of his weight on your body, and the application of his affection on your skin.

“…hmm?...heeseung?” you softly speak out in a tiring voice.

“Shhh…come here….come here my pretty baby….”

His voice was just as soft, despite him being awake for a while now. Gently stroking his nose up and down your cheek, you shift your head to face forward towards his. You were tired and groggy, yet you were still slightly upset over the argument....until….

Propping up on his knees, he was still wearing his punk-rock attire, a zip up black hoodie that remained partially opened, paired with sporting wristbands, a pair of straight blue jeans, worn and slightly torn, a black tee displaying a rock band logo, with his black cap.

Grouping your legs together, he reaches under the hem of your mini dress and hooks his fingers under your panties, slowly and delicately sliding them off. The room was terribly dimmed with the lights being off and being nighttime, yet the glimpse of the glaring street light from across the street provided a delicate hue of illumination through the window, allowing you both to subtly make out the features of each other’s bodies and faces.

Looking up from your lying state, you watch as he gleams his eyesight from above, not at all smirking, yet he didn’t at all look angry either. He looked bewildered….as if it was the first time he saw you. With a look of extreme love and admiration, he makes direct eye contact with you with slightly wide eyes, his mouth just faintly parted open as he gulps a breath.

“Why is he looking at me that way?....Why is he doing this? Is he not mad anymore?.....”

I fell while you were away You leave a woman at home Anyone will tell you

She's gonna stray

Unsure of what was happening or why he was displaying himself as such, you gently placed your hands on his forearms, gently pushing them aside…or you tried to. He wouldn’t remove them, despite you trying to move them away. It wasn’t that you were still angry, but you weren’t in the mood to do what he was aiming to accomplish, considering that you felt he needed to….

“I’m sorry…..pretty baby……I’m sorry my girl…”

Shocked, you raised a brow and slightly widened your eyes as he softly spoke out his words. With your underwear completely off, the skirt of your dress rolled up while the neckline and straps are pulled down. The flimsy material grouped around your waist, he remains on propped knees as he unzips and feeds out his length. He felt too overwhelmed to even worry about undressing himself.

Tightening his grip on your waist, he takes his other hand and strokes his lengthy muscle, before pressing the tip up against the subtle slit in between your folds.

“Wh-Heeseung wait…” your chest raises as you were experiencing further shock from the sudden contact of him beginning to enter inside you, all the while you were still trying to process the surprising avenue of him apologizing.

He never apologizes…not for something so serious. Usually if it was something minor he would, or if it was something he sincerely felt at fault for, but when it came to his hold and possession over you, he never felt wrong for the way he displayed his love for you…unless he was apologizing for something else. The thought of him finding out your messages never crossed your mind, how would it?

With him slowly pressing in, you began to feel the pressure of the sting and the pain that transitioned beautifully into that pleasurable tingle, that knot that build’s up in your lower gut as it drives you to crave more.

Uncontrollably, your hands drop their grip on his forearms, yet remained resting on top of them.

“Ah! Oh my God….” You gasped out. The way he moved as he slid in, it was so passionate and deep. Rotating his hips, twisting, and turning with a harsh yet slow gyrating motion, he buries himself deeper as he bellows out inside you.

Once he felt that he broke through your walls perfectly, he begins to thrust…starting off slow….working his way up to a pace that caused you to, despite being in a lying state, bounce up and down against the mattress.

“I’m sorry baby…..i’m sorry…please forgive me….” He breathes out deeply in between each word, as they all came dragging out of his pursed lips in a slight moaning tone as he felt the intense pleasure of thrusting in and out of you.

“Oh! Oh God! He-Heeseung!” your body starts to shift as the pleasure was too much for you to take in at a standstill, yet he held your steady with one hand on your waist, the other looped around your thigh.

“I shouldn’t have said those things to you….”

He speeds up the pace of his thrusts.

“Please ignore everything I said to you earlier….”

With the tip hitting that spot, your eyes roll to the back of your head as your body begins to tremble.

“Ugh!......uuuuuuugh! He-Heeseung pl-please!”

“Forgive me for everything I said….I should have known better than to say those things to you.”

“Heeseung!”

“I’m so sorry……tell me you’ll forgive me.”

Increasing the pace once more, his movements become jolting as he breaches his own orgasm, all the while he keeps gasping out his words of apology while you suffer the intense pleasure of being fucked with such deep and wounding passion.

Your body vibrates as you feel the knot tightening to the point where it was going to snap itself undone.

“Hee-Heeseung! Ugh!” you gasp as you arch your back, choking out gasping moans as your hands fling and slap on the sides of the bed, you lost all control of yourself as your body reacts and does whatever it wants to on its own accord.

“Yeah baby….I’m sorry…..” with the last bit of his words, he tucks his chin in as he leans down, nearly falling on top of you, yet he catches himself so as to not place all of his weight on you so suddenly while you vibrate violently from the intense orgasm that he just gave you. He too, felt the intensity of pleasure as he cums inside you.

You scream out as you fling your hands around, your body twitching uncontrollably. Taking both your hands, he pins them above your head and keeps them there as he leans in and kisses you. You weren’t able to kiss him back as your body was issuing gasping moans from the effects of the sexual high, yet it didn’t’ matter, he continued massaging your mouth as you gasped out your screams, his grip on our wrists tightens as he maintains them to be pinned above your head.

At that moment, you didn’t care about the argument nor your feelings on the matter. He softly tells you that while he wasn’t sorry about restricting you from going, you weren’t surprised. You knew that he was never going to be sorry or change his perspective over having a hold on you. You knew the very moment he said he was sorry, that it wasn’t for not allowing you to leave….but then what was it for?

“You loved me….even before we came together….didn’t you?” he softly speaks into your mouth as each word comes in during his passionate kiss.

“What?....”

Propping his head up as he rests against his forearms, still pinning our wrists down, he looks down at you with a wide eye look of amusement and love…it was almost terrifying. Never have you seen anyone look at you the way he does….even without his Ethan side, when Heeseung felt the passion of your love and consideration returned, he developed a wide stare that displayed a hungry look of desire, lust, and love that made you question how anyone could look so…..

“Insane….”

Leaning in after he gives a soft closed smile, he whispers in our ear….

“Those messages you sent to yourself….nine months ago…” reaching up with his hand, he keeps his face still and remains in place next to your ear, while his fingers strokes your opposite cheek.

“When you were still with him….and I was still with her…..”

Your eyes widened as you immediately recall the messages he spoke of. Your breath released a deep and slow gasp.

“…..How?......How did you see those?”

“On your phone…..while I was downstairs…..”

With the tears building up in your eyes, you recall the pain you felt back then…back when you thought that you would never have the chance to belong to him...that his heart would forever be out of your reach....and you felt lost....the pain he spoke of earlier, that he experienced while loving you from afar.... yet had no idea.... that you were feeling it as well….

Yet....as fate would have it.....he came to you....

I confessed You know the rest Promises you never kept Where were you baby You overslept When you hear that prison bell, think of me You're not the only one

Your life forever changed.....and it all started with.....

"Who made you cry?"

Authors note: This song was playing when i drafted the scene where you got the email. The lyrics pretty much represent your heart and feelings towards Samuel. The beat of it and the melody fit well with the love scene, it's melodic and sensual, so i thought it was perfect for you and Heethan. <3

[golbrocklovely]

Hey! Sorry, sam person from last ask lol.

But I am with the age group of 10-13, therapy is not a option and I'm terrified of becoming a teenager. I'm already experiencing body image issues and such, and ALOT of other stuff.

Somthing that my parents do is since everyone in this house has known from a

VERY

Young age, they are very open abt sëx and talk abt it alot, especially abt what they do to each other and it makes me very uncomfortable, I've told them but then they make fun of me for being sensitive, and yeah I am.

I want to have a serious convo with my dad abt putting me in school. But I'm terrified of actually doing it. I feel like I'll be reprimanded and made fun of, cause they've put alot into homeschooled and such. But I feel like it's my best bet. My literal best friend is my sister. Ik your best friend's are family but yk. Its not the same.

omg respectfully you are SO YOUNG. holy crap.

okay, let me give you some big sister advice.

i remember being your age range, and puberty did suck at first and was very jarring to go thru. so i get the whole "being terrified" aspect. also, who wants to grow up? no one.

so the body imagine issues, i 1000% understand and know where you are coming from. i started puberty at 10 and it was a wild ride for me to start almost immediately developing. the good thing to know that while your body is changing, so is your mind. and while you might not like what your body looks like right now, just know that it's gonna keep changing. and that can be a good thing. there might be parts of yourself that you hate rn that you're gonna love when you get older. i think your best bet, and something i wasn't really ever taught, is to be kind to yourself. you are not the first person ever experience what you're going thru. and even tho change can be scary, it's not something to fear itself. change is necessary too. but one day, the change you are experiencing now will feel normal, and you won't even remember what you currently feel like. it might take a while to get to that point, but suddenly you'll feel settled, and you won't even noticed when that shift occurred.

also, as someone who is significantly older than you, i can confidently say that being a teenager was a lot of fun. hindsight is 20/20, so part of that does come into play. but seriously, growing up can be fun, even if it's a bit scary. being a teenager was dramatic and dumb and silly, and honestly there has been no other time in my life like that. i can look back fondly on that time now, and also admit there were moments that sucked. but that is life. don't be afraid of getting older - you can't stop it even if you wanted to. plus, there are so many good things that come with getting older. knowledge being the most important one. hindsight is another.

i would like to also add, just bc you are getting older, doesn't mean you have to let go of "childish" things. at 13 years old, i liked twilight, the jonas brothers, and bratz dolls. and wouldn't you believe it, at 28 years old i also still love all of those things loudly lol you don't have to let go of the things you love just bc you're getting older. things that bring you joy and comfort are few and far between in life, so if you enjoy something now, hold onto it as long as you need to. as long as it's not holding you back from achieving things or living your best life, there's no reason to stop loving what you love.

as for your parents, i do find that quite odd that they would do that in front of you. i'm sorry that that is something that happens. it also seems as if your parents are a bit dismissive about your feelings, and as someone who was also called "sensitive" and "a cry baby" (not directly from my parents… but also directly from my parents)- i get it. i'll tell you, i still deal with stuff like that to this day, so honestly the best thing you can do is try not to let it get under your skin. i know that's such a cliche thing to say, since it's not really an answer, but whatever way you gotta do that - do it. if you can, walk out of the room when they start talking about it. zone out, go to your happy place. find a spot on the wall and stare at it until their voices get drowned out. honestly, when ppl like that exist in your life, aka ppl that find enjoyment out of teasing you bc they know how to piss you off, don't let them enjoy it. don't let them see your reaction. if you stop giving them what they want (most likely a reaction of some type), they'll stop. or eventually, you'll learn not to let it effect you.

as for the conversation to have with your dad, i'm not sure what the best course of action is for you. i definitely think you should have it, especially if that is something you really want. maybe lay out why it would be such a positive for you to go to public school. talk about how socializing is something you need. talk about wanting to make friends that aren't just immediate family. talk about maybe wanting to do extracurriculars which your parents can't really give you at home. obviously, you know your dad better than i do, so work within the confines of what you know is safe and appropriate.

and if he does make fun of you and reprimands you, i'm sorry. but don't get knocked down if he does. there is plenty of time for things to change, so hold onto that.

also, i have to tell you since you are so young, please consider not being online. i know, the world kinda revolves around being online. but genuinely one of the things i regret doing as a young kid was being online bc i saw things i couldn't unsee. i read a lot of inappropriate fan fiction at that age that i shouldn't of bc i thought "oh who cares i'm basically an adult". keep your innocence as long as you can. you will be better for it in the long run.

and also please be careful of who you talk to online! if anyone ever tells you 'you're mature for your age', run for the hills. block, report, delete them. i'm so serious. if an adult WANTS to talk to you and reaches out to you first, they are weird and are most likely not looking to keep the conversations age appropriate. also don't tell ppl too much online. i know rn you're anonymous, but like.... please keep any and all interactions with adults online to a minimum. and don't tell them important things about yourself, like your name or age or where you live.

it's unsafe out there, so stay guarded. and please use that block button generously if you do plan to stay online.

[red-writes]

Career oriented 

Escort! Bakugou x Reader

Your entire life you've been focused solely on your career, you've sacrificed a lot      of things, people and time to get where you are and it’s paid off, now you're a millionaire who is also a virgin and never had a boyfriend in their life. Your friend recommends you a male escort service. At first you hire him to go on dates and do other things couples do but the relationship develops far beyond what you could've imagined, now you're laying under him begging him to be your first. 

cw: smut, fluff, unprotected sex, reader is a capitalist lmao, I mean reader is a virgin but its not rlly virginity loss bc its not focused around that but reader does lose her virginity, unedited (but what's new)

a/n: I mean we always hear abt sugar daddies, I need rich reader pls also- monoma is a rich bitch y'all can't fight me on this he got that rich bitch mentality.

The words ‘hard worker’ were understatements when it came to describing you. Pretty much all of your life was spent working, growing your small business with your own two hands. Now money was never an issue. A huge house with several bathrooms, fancy bags and cars, all the things you've ever wanted were now in your possession except maybe one thing. Seeing happy couples holding hands as they walked around in the park, kissing and calling each other pet names, seeing them stirred a feeling of longing inside of you. 

While it’s true that now you'd never want for anything else in your life, you still wanted something money couldn't buy you, love.

 A small tap to your shoulder brought you out of your daze.

“Your eggs are going to get cold..” Todoroki mentioned and you gave him a small smile before prodding your fork in the perfectly scrambled egg. 

“Hey, don't tell me you're thinking about that shareholders meeting this week” Monoma groans and you shake your head.

“Then what is it?” Momo wondered as she wiped her mouth with her napkin. 

“It’s just- you guys all have someone you know romantically” you say as you rest your fork on the plate, deciding that you weren't really in the mood to eat anymore. 

Monoma scoffs, “Yeah barely...I almost broke up with shinso after that last stunt he pulled in the club” 

Momo giggles, “You're still with him?” 

His face dusts pink in embarrassment as he looks away, “A-anyway, why don't you try getting an escort” Monoma recommends and it was your turn for your face to warm. 

“An e-escort?! You do realize who we are right? If someone in here were to hear us talk about such a thing..” Momo whisper-yells and Todoroki’s eyebrow quirks up

“We all know I met Izuku through a sugar daddy website though-”

You clear your throat, “I’m not necessarily looking for you know..sex...just maybe someone to spend time with Monoma” You clarify and he's rummaging through his pockets to find his phone, he fiddles with it before showing you what the site looks like.

“Duh, escorts just get paid for their time not necessarily sex, I’ll send you the link to the website” He tells you and you sigh thoughtfully, if that was really the case then it wouldn't be so wrong to hire some cute eye candy right? 

Momo waves over the waiter, “We’ll have the check please”

“Certainly ma'am” 

+

You sat at your office’s desk with the website pulled up. You'd triple checked to make sure your door was locked, you still had a reputation to uphold as the CEO of your company, you'd be traumatized if one of your employees saw you hiring an escort. 

You scrolled through the many many options of guys. Each profile consisted of a headshot of the escort along with a bio that consisted of maybe a paragraph and . You really couldn't find anyone that suited your tastes personally, until your mouse hovered over a blonde guy. 

His bio was notably shorter than everyone else’s and in his picture he looked mean, eyebrows furrowed and red eyes staring menacingly at you and yet you found yourself clicking the ‘hire!’ button next to his name. Even though he looked like his favorite hobby was stealing candy from a baby, but his looks (as shallow as that may seem) were really speaking to you and the you between your legs if you were honest.

Bakugou Katsuki huh..well he seemed worth a try. 

+

You had been through countless scenarios were you were rightfully terrified. 

Being on a date had to be the scariest out of all of them.

Bakugou was sitting in front of you, he stirred his straw around in his coffee and looked at you while you struggled to contain the rabid beating of your heart in your chest. 

“S-So..What- um..-”

“Just relax” He interrupts, his voice sounded so nice, deep and smooth like a rich dark chocolate. It only manages to make you more nervous. 

“I’m sorry- I haven't actually done this before” you confess with a nervous chuckle, hands gripping your tea cup brutally. 

He gives you this half smile and you're unsure of wether he's actually human or a demi-god at this point. “I can tell, but don't worry there's no reason to be” 

You feel slightly comforted by his words and feel yourself let loose a little, “Okay, Bakugou, what do you like to do?” you ask.

“I like going to the gym” he shrugs, “I’m not really Interesting, I’m more curious about you” he says, he places his elbow on the table and rests his chin in the palm of his hand and leans in to you. His skin is so clear- not a blemish in sight and his eyes are practically burning a hole into your soul.

“M-me? I do nothing too important..I like to sew” you respond, taking a sip of your jasmine tea. You didn't necessarily want to tell him about who you were or what you did just yet, money and status only complicate things. For now, you just wanted to be a normal young woman going out on a date. 

“Come on, don't be shy, I know there's more to you than sewing” He says, removing the straw from his coffee and placing it on a neighboring napkin. 

You bite into your bottom lip, “Well, I honestly don't do much besides work, it’s taken up so much time in my life I can't say I do much else” you admit and Bakugou hums thoughtfully. He doesn't respond for a bit, the sounds of the coffee shop fill the silence instead. 

“Okay, I have an idea” 

You cock your head to the side curiously.

“Let’s ditch the formalities and go have some real fun, I think its about time you lived your life” he proposes and your mouth hands open. Was he serious? He looked it. You couldn't help the giddy feeling that bubbled up within you, a feeling you hadn't felt in a long time, excitement. It made you feel young again. 

“What do you say?”

“Alright!” 

+

The two of you spent all day together, visiting various hidden places around the city, you did shopping and even some sightseeing. For the first time in a while you felt alive, like you were actually a person and not just a unfeeling robot who simply lived to work. 

Your last stop was a park. With a large lake in the center Bakugou suggested you guys feed the birds before heading home. With a handful of birdseed you gently sprinkled some into the water and watched the geese gobble it up.

“When I was five, I had a huge fear of geese..” Bakugou admits and you're chuckling.

“No way, really?” you turned to face him and when you do he’s already looking at you, smiling fondly, eyes filled with an emotion that you really couldn't seem to put your finger on.

“What? Do I have something on my face that you're not telling me about?” You pout and he shakes his head before turning his attention back to the birds as he sprinkles more of the food into the lake. 

“No, just realized somethin’” 

The sun’s beginning to set now, the sky is illuminated by hues of orange and pink. You nudge him with your arm, “Realized what?” 

He turns back to face you, there's an adoring look on his face. 

“You look pretty when you're having fun” 

A look of surprise crosses your features before your ears burn in embarrassment at the sudden compliment, the butterflies in your stomach flutter around more and more the longer you two stare at each other. 

“Thanks” You mumble before looking down at your palm full of birdseed. 

+

Dates with Bakugou become more and more frequent after that. The two of you often meeting up more than you meet up with your regular friends. Bakugou doesn't even charge you anymore, even though you've tried to tell him it was fine he still insisted otherwise. The two of you even exchanged numbers and spoke quite often on the phone. Texts like,

‘this song reminded me of you’ and ‘don't work too hard, idiot’ were often exchanged. 

After maybe a month of this happening you realized that the warm feeling you got in your chest whenever Bakugou brushed your hair into place or stopped to tie your shoe for you or even when he texted you good morning wasn't because you appreciated him being a good friend, you liked him. It took a month to finally decipher your feelings for him but once you did..what the heck were you supposed to do now?

Never once in your life had you confessed to someone let alone dated them, what would happen to your friendship with Bakugou if things didn't work out? You didn't want to stop being friends with him, you loved being with him, he was the reason you finally started taking breaks and learned to relax. 

You had a ton of questions to answer for yourself but you couldn't do it right now, you had a date with Bakugou. He told you to dress up and you weren't sure where you were going but you trusted him to take you somewhere you'd enjoy. Around 8pm like promised, he was there to pick you up. His car was fairly nice, you assumed his high pay rates were being used for something but now you know what. He was wearing a black three piece suit, it was crisp and you could clearly tell it was expensive, his hair was slicked back and he had a single diamond stud in his left ear. He looked damn good. It was making you a little nervous about how fancy this place actually was. 

The drive to dinner was unusually quiet. Bakugou typically did most of the conversations with you seeing as you were mostly an awkward sausage but tonight was different, he had a stern look on his face and you felt a little worried. Bakugou noticed your nervous look in the rearview mirror and without skipping a beat placed his hand gently upon your thigh and gave it a small squeeze, this thumb moved back and forth in a soothing manner. All without taking his eyes off the road. 

You felt a shiver run up your spine and you bit your lip from potentially making any noise, you turned your head to face the window to prevent him from seeing the look on your face. 

+

Bakugou was right about the restaurant being fancy. The place was full of people you could recognize, everyone from business moguls to celebrities, it was almost a little intimidating but you knew probably how tough it was for Bakugou to even get a table reserved at this place so you decided to instead choke down any kindlings of anxiety and replace it with a gratefulness for his hard work.

You swirled the champagne around in your glass while Bakugou took a bite out of his steak, the atmosphere between you two was a little awkward and it hadn't been like this since the two of you met it was a little alarming. 

“Is something wrong..?” you ask after gently resting the glass back on the table, he wipes his mouth with his napkin and sighs.

“I’m sorry that- I seem so weird tonight” he apologizes and you shake your head.

“No no don't worry about it, I’m just worried something bad happened” you tell him, you lean forward and place your hand on his. His fingers lace themselves with yours and for a moment it feels like its just the two of you in the restaurant together. 

“Nothing bad, actually something good” he explains and you're giving him a small smile

“Something good?” you question and he leans in even closer to you.

“I mean, ever since I started hanging out with you I feel like my life's changed, I’m not one to be super cheesy but I just- fuck..I like you” his face is turning a light pink and in a moment of courage you close the small distance between the two of you and press your lips against his. He immediately reciprocates the kiss, his hand sneaks up your forearm and settles on your elbow using it to pull you in closer. 

When the kiss finally breaks the two of you are a panting mess, then you hear the waiter clear his throat and Bakugou uses his thumb to wipe the lipstick from the corner of his lips.

“Check, please”

+

Upon entering your home, there wasn't much speaking. Your arms were wrapped around his neck as his hands fumbled with the zipper on the back of your dress. The two of you blindly walked backwards until you tripped backwards onto the couch. Bakugou completely stripped you of your dress and  laid it across the back of the couch, your hands made quick work of his pants unbuttoning and unzipping them, he kicked them off eagerly uncaring of where the fabric was strewn. He cupped your cheek and continued to kiss you as he helped you wiggle out of your underwear. He sucked in a breath at feeling how wet you already were.  He ran a finger up and down your slit before gently nudging a finger inside. 

The sensation was foreign, it felt odd at first but the more he kept twisting and thrusting the finger inside of you the better it began to feel. He slid in another one and began making a scissor motion inside of you. Your hips raised off the cushions of the couch, you moaned into the kiss and eventually he pulled away from it, instead opting to kiss the skin of your neck. Your moans along with the wet sounds of his fingers fingering you open filled the space. It felt good, you could feel the knots in your stomach threaten to untangle the harder his fingers fucked themselves into you. 

His movements slowly came to a halt and he slid his fingers out. Your eyes clouded with tears and your legs were shaking, disappointed that he stopped when you were so close. He pulled his cock from his underwear and began stroking it over you.

“Ready?” He asks as he grinds his cock against your twitching entrance and you're gripping his shoulder before he makes another move. 

“A-actually..please just be gentle its-i’ve never done this before” you confess and his eyes widen for once, taken aback by your sudden profession. He gives you a small nod, “Promise.”

With one smooth stroke he bottoms out within you. Your back is arching off the couch as your mouth hangs open in a silent cry. The feeling is an addicting mix of pain and pleasure that has the tears you were holding in begin to roll down your cheeks, Bakugou gently kisses them away and uses his fingers to wipe away the stray tears. For a while, you're simply holding each other, bakugou whispers words of comfort in your ears while you slowly familiarize yourself with having him inside of you. 

When Bakugou feels your hips begin to move against his, he takes that as his sign to begin moving. His thrusts start shallow, hips just barely touching yours as he doesn't want to hurt you and you quickly become frustrated with his kindness. Your legs wrap around his waist and pull him closer to you, forcing him to bottom out inside you again. You whine his name and he shakes his head. 

“And here I was trying to be considerate” he huffs out, you grip his tie and pull him down and press a gentle kiss against his lips. 

“I didn't ask you to take it easy on me” you remind him and he scoffs

“You asked for this”

You're suddenly flipped onto your stomach and he raises your hips in the air, he pulls himself all the way out of you until the head of his cock is the only thing you can still feel inside of you, he rams his cock back into you and you're gripping the couch for dear life. His hips are ruthless, lewd slapping noises fill the room as the head of his cock kisses your cervix with every thrust. His heavy balls  greet your clit with an unceremonious slap. Your eyes roll into the back of your head, you can't think of anything else except Bakugou. You'd been completely fucked dumb on your first time. 

You feel Bakugou’s fingers lace into your hair and grip the roots before pulling at them and forcing your head back. A jolt of pleasure flows through your body as his cock pushes up against your g-spot, your legs and kicking around behind you.

“No! cum-cumming kats I-” you can hardly finish your own sentence due to how hard your orgasm hits you, your body his shaking as bakugou releases your hair and uses his free hand to grip your waist as he desperately humps you, chasing his own release. Your cunt spasms around him in overstimulation, Katsuki only curses under his breath as you squeeze down on him, your cunt clamps down on his cock as you're brought to your second orgasm and his movements finally begin to slow and an unfamiliar warm fills your tummy. 

He doesn't pull out right away. Instead he gently lays you backwards onto his chest and you snuggle into his chest. 

He whistles, “Nice place”

“Pfft- don't try to make small talk with me after you just finished banging me” you giggle sleepily.

“Fair enough, still, I’m curious about how you can even afford this place” he wonders, hand rubbing up and down your back, only easing you closer to falling asleep.

“Hard work” you reply he takes your hand in his and kisses the back of it. 

“That’s my hard working girl” 

you feel the butterflies swarm around your stomach all over again at his small comment. 

“Does this mean we're dating now?” you ask and he gives you a little chuckle.

“Yes, if you want” 

“Good then you're my boyfriend” your eyes are fluttering closed at this point, you merely nuzzle into his chest and he plants a gentle kiss on your forehead. 

“Goodnight love” 

“Night Kats..”

[drarryruinedme7]

For Harry’s birthday prompt :) Him forgetting his own birthday because he’s in a middle of a case at work and coming home super late to find Draco asleep on the couch with a puppy (Harry’s birthday gift) sleeping on his chest. Draco cooked the dinner (under stasis) himself even if he’s pants at it and Harry usually does the cooking. And harry proposes to him right on the spot bc ‘that’s the man i want to spend my whole life with’ I got a bit carried away, do what you want with it

Here you go, darlings, I put together your prompts, I hope that’s alright! @iamactuallya-cat @caroll-in

Drarry | 1.3k | G | pure fluff, established relationship, Harry Potter’s birthday | beta: my beauty, one and only @rockmarina  ❤️

Surprise! (...or is it?)

Walking into the Ministry, Harry counted the people who shot him weird glances. Five. In the span of ten minutes. 

There was something wrong. 

The walk towards the lifts earned him another set of giggling glances and fingers pointed to him. In the lift, someone actually smiled at him, waving a hand. 

Harry brought a self-conscious hand to his face, trying subtly to touch his beard, his cheekbones, the angles of his lips. Did he forget to cast a cleaning charm that morning? Did he fail at casting the shaving charm and ended up with only half his face shaved and tidy? Harry wasn’t proud to admit it, but that had happened before.

The moment he stepped through the doors of the Auror Department, however, everything became clear. A banner with capital letters was hanging from the ceiling: “Happy 31st Birthday, Head Auror Potter!” 

Shit. 

Right.

It was his birthday. 

Harry stopped, trying to plaster a smile on his face. It wasn’t that he didn’t like his birthday, he simply didn’t give it any importance.

After all, he had more important things to think about, like their last case of illegal potions ring which had kept him awake at nights during the last month. That was probably the main reason he completely blacked out and forgot about his birthday that year.

As he laughed and shook hands with his colleagues and reached his office, a thought started nibbling at him. Sure, it wasn’t a surprise Harry had forgotten about his birthday: for three years after the War, if it weren’t for Hermione and Ron, Harry would have never even celebrated. 

But in the last two years Harry had never forgotten, and had actually, for the first times in his life, really enjoyed it. Draco —dear lord, would he ever get used to thinking about Malfoy as Draco?— was apparently obsessed with birthdays and took them as a serious matter.

“It’s your day,” Draco would always say. “You should consider it as a day where you can do and ask for whatever you want to: people will care for you and give you all their attention, because it’s your birthday! And if they don’t, then you have the right excuse to ask for it!”

The first time Draco said it, Harry snorted. That was a very Slytherin view of birthdays. But Harry quickly discovered he quite liked it: Draco developed the habit of bringing him breakfast in bed for his birthday, followed by morning sex, and usually dinner out to some fancy place around the world only Draco knew how the hell to reach. Harry still remembered their impromptu trip to Bangladesh and the absurd amount of curry they’d eaten.

Alright, Harry thought by himself. Time to work. The thing was that: Draco forgot about Harry’s birthday that morning too, apparently. He hadn’t woken Harry up with a blow job, nor had he brought breakfast to bed. Hell, he hadn’t even woken up when Harry called from downstairs, “See you later, love!” 

The only sound Draco made was a grunted scoff. 

Harry had only a couple of minutes more to spare thinking about what could have happened to make Draco forget about his birthday; soon enough, work swallowed him and took all his attention. Apparently, that night his teams had found some smugglers who were presumably linked to the major potions master behind the entire business.

“Are you still here? How come Draco didn’t come fetching you yet?” 

Harry raised his head at the sound of Ron’s voice. He stretched his legs under the desk, yawning profusely. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Harry saw it was eleven p.m. already.

“What the…” Harry muttered, now starting to properly panic. He threw a worried look at Ron, who shrugged. 

“He usually drags you out of here for dinner, that’s why I…” Ron coughed, lightly scratching the back of his neck. “Is everything alright?”

Harry’s heart was thumping painfully against his ribcage. “I… I…” He was at a loss for words. Was everything alright? Ron was right, Draco always came looking for him if he was late at work. 

“I don’t know,” he replied sincerely. “I just… yes, of course, why wouldn’t it?” 

Ron threw his hands up. “Right, maybe he’s just busy as well, don’t worry.” He smiled at Harry, properly. “Do you want to come to our place?”

Harry shook his head. “No, thanks, Ron, we’ll see you tomorrow night. I’m sure everything’s just fine, he’s probably waiting for me at home.”

Ron smiled, waving a hand at him.

Right. Harry was being unreasonable: the stress from work was having the best of him. After all, Draco didn’t have to surprise Harry every single birthday for the rest of their lives and—

Harry stood abruptly, his breathing only quickening more. Did he just think of Draco as someone he’d share the rest of his life with? When did it happen?! 

With shaky steps, Harry reached the Apparition point, unable to wait until he got to the Floo channels to be back home. He needed to see Draco, to check everything was alright, to hug him, anything!

“Draco! I’m home!” Harry called as soon as he Apparated in the middle of their living room. They’d bought the house together a year ago, after only a year together— it felt crazy, honestly, but Harry had no words to describe how right it felt to be with Draco. 

Suddenly, a strong scent of lasagne hit Harry and he realised he was keeping his eyes shut, terrified he’d discover Draco had inexplicably left him. At the languor the scent induced him, Harry finally opened his eyes, only to gasp audibly, his hands flying to cover his mouth.

“Oh, Draco…” he whispered as the image in front of his eyes filled his chest with love and lust at the same time, leaving him short of air.

Draco was splayed inelegantly on their sofa, snorting gently, a small black puppy resting on top of his chest.

Harry reached him, kneeling right next to his face, landing a soft kiss on Draco’s lips.

“Wha…” Draco scrunched his face, cranking one eye open. “Fuck!” He jumped on the couch, effectively waking the puppy who jumped down the couch, woofing and wagging his tails happily, and tried to call Harry’s attention munching on the sleeve of his uniform.

“Harry, I’m sorry! Oh no, what time is…” Draco glanced at the alarm on the coffee table, his eyes widening comically. “Eleven thirty! Oh, no, no, no! Harry, love, I wanted to… it was a surprise! I cooked for you, or at least, I tried, and then, the… the puppy, it’s your birthday gift, I thought, you know, I thought… I—”

Harry laughed, cupping Draco’s face with his hands, resting their foreheads together. The puppy finally found its way to Harry’s lap, sitting on it and starting to lap up his collarbones. 

Harry couldn’t remember a happiest moment in his life. He kissed Draco, finally shutting him up. When he pulled off, he looked right in his eyes and felt a warmth he had never experienced before spreading in his belly.

Right this: this man, this house, this life. This was what he had craved for as long as he could remember.

“Marry me,” Harry whispered, still laughing, rubbing circles on Draco’s cheeks with this thumbs.

Draco’s eyebrows shot upwards and he sucked in a breath, freezing under Harry’s hands. Before Harry could worry he’d ruined everything, however, Draco’s lips widened in a bright grin.

“You… I can’t believe you just…” He laughed, lacing his fingers with Harry’s. “Yes, dammit, Potter, you’ll be the ruin of me, but yes, yes, yes!” 

The puppy barked in time with their laughter. Harry looked at it with a crooked grin: he knew he would never forget his birthday again. 

[hongism]

Hyello, okay so. I don't have the emotional energy to take in and discuss everything in that chapter so imma just gush over the info cause I am a ✨whore✨ for world building.

So obviously MOC SPOILER

hi bestie HELLO guess WHO!!! finally ANSWering!!! altho im gonna answer separately and space everything out all Neatly bc im all over the place so strap IN we’re going on an moc RIDE!

THERE'S A WHOLE SIREN COMMUNITY?! AND YN AND IT MUST BE WOOYOUNG WERE FRIENDS? SIRENS HAVE A FULLY FLEDGE COMMUNITY WITH PRIESTS AND SCHOOLS AND MULTUOLE CITIES TO SOME EXTEND??? MAYBE EVEN AN ENTIRE PLANET WITH SIRENS MAYBE THEIR ORIGIN PLANET? HOW MANY TYPES OF SIRENS ARE THERE AND IN THE COMMUNITY HOW DTRICT ARE THE DIFFERENT ROLES?!?! ALSO DOES THE SIREN COMMUNITY ALLOW FOR DIFFERENT TYPES OF SIRENS TO BE TOGETHER? OBVIOUSLY THEY SHOULD BUT ARE THE CHILDREN THEN HYBRID TYPES, LIKE WHEN WE GET BLUED DARK SKIND BABIES OR CAN A SKREN ONLY BE ONE TYPE. WHAT POWERS DO SIRENS HAVE AND DOES THE POWERS REFLECT THEIR PERSONALITY AND DO THE DIFFERENT TYOES LEAN TOWARDS CERTAIN JOBS. LIKE WE JUST LESRNED THE OCEAN GOTTA BE PRIESTS BUT MOON ISNT STRICT WHAT ABOUT FIRE. AND IS YN INSTIC TO PULL OUT A HEART CAUDE HER PERSONALITT, TRSUMA OR IS IT RELATED TO THE MOON. ALSO CAUSE ITS A RED MOON WHICH IS COMMONLY A BLOOD MOON, IS YN THEN A SPECIAL MOON SIREN AND THATS WHY HER POWERS ARE STEONGER OR HER INSTICTS TO USE THEM ARE STORNGER BUT THEN THE MILITARY FUCKED HER UP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

now this is the thing im biting my tongue on SO HARD bc it’s my favorite aspect of the world building and the universe and everything involved in it bUTIHDFKJG THERS SO MUCH I WANNA SAYYYYYYYYYY in short that one dream sequence holds more hints and information than ANYTHING from previous chapters, i think that it’s probably the MOST IMPORTANT dream to date. while we’ve seen some crazy ones in the past, this one is both the biggest hint and the biggest window into y/n’s past by FARRRR. even tho that whole scene was dialogue i think there’s so much to pick up on from it and so much to see and learn from it and it’s one of my faves bc there’s so much to unpack from it !!

Like yes the story and the development is freaking ✨yes✨ I love it. Genuinely think moc should be released as books. But I just cannot deal with the emotions rn.

But also now all I'm going to be thinking about how many sirens are actually out there. And if yn knew her parents and wasn't just an orphan the military found in the streets... How the fuck did she end up in the military grasps. What happened to her parents what happened to the community, is it still out there? Guess I gotta go back and reread the galaxies and the backstories, obviously I must have missed or have forgotten something. Ugh how the puzzle pieces are puzzling (or something). Moc is a drug and I'm not going sober anytime soon

(obviously you don't have to respond to my questions, this is more just an insight into the spiralling of theories going on in my mind)

releasing moc as books? a dream and a half, i can say that much slkjdlgkjlkf but back to the sirens... how many are out there? we heard early on that hongjoong was looking for ‘the last five’ but then seonghwa debunked that and said that was a mistranslation over time that was passed down and such, but beyond that, we don’t really know much about sirens as a whole? there are some hints in the galaxies and planet descriptions but if that dream sequence is a puzzle, i would say we have a handful of pieces that can be put into place based on what we’ve learned so far!!!!

Okay I lied, I am ready to unpack a little of the ✨emotions✨

When hongjoong explained that hwa tried to stop San only for San to detain him and in a sense make him watch the scene unfold. And then realising hwa had to go through that again, only being even more helpless. I don't doubt hwa loves San, but to see the events happening again, with someone he clearly loves as much as he does yn even if he also loves joong, and to see the desperation and determination must have been just. Horrible. Just absolutely soul breaking horrible. I can imagine him vowing to himself after San that he would never let something like that happen again. That of any of the crew got out of control like that, that he would fight harder to stop them. That he would would do absolutely everything in his power to stop it. And then being helpless as he watched yn do it. Just pure heart wrenching pain. And it must have been beyond terrifying to see someone you love ready and determined to kill themselves partly from rage and partly from desperation. With the backstory, that scene becomes almost as cruel as the warehouse scene with San. The only redeeming quality is no one needing life saving surgery in a time crunch, otherwise they would be the same level of ✨never again✨

honestly i think the two crew members i torture the most are san and hwa bc i just keep putting them thru all this shit and hurting them so much but really this was the defining point of why seonghwa was so afraid. before we kinda just knew he was afraid of yn and hongjoong was mad about it. in this revelation we get to see the source of the trauma and how it was amplified by it being someone he loves as dearly as he loves yn. and for sure when first reading that scene of yn and jisung in the brig, it’s meant to evoke a sense of anger and rage like yn is so angry to a point where she would do this sort of thing, but my hope with that scene was also to show that desperation. that when looking back at it after having already seen the rage and the aftermath, that reading it again shows how desperate and hopeless she was in that moment. which is exactly the same emotion that was evoked back in that warehouse scene with san, except it was relayed differently because the warehouse was a more immediate sense of desperation. this brig scene was meant to emulate that but in a slow burn kinda way where the veil of realization is pulled off after the fact and not in the moment!!!

Just to make sure you don't misunderstand. Those asks were compliments. You are an absolutely incredible writer. And the fact that you aren’t afraid of hurting your characters *cough cough* SHOOTING SAN?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? *CLEARS THROAT AGRESSIVELY* just makes the story much better. No one gets plot armour, making it more realistic (?) and really draws in the writer and sorta imitates the fear and desperation the characters feel

PLS don’t worry, i live for every moment and i live for these open and raw and genuine conversations i didn’t take any as an insult i PROMISE!! i think part of the nature of this whole trope of space pirates and criminals is that hter is no guarantee of safety! i don’t wanna have to cut corners to make sure everyone stays unharmed and undamaged throughout the story when the nature of the world i’ve built thus far is a wildly dangerous one!!! i always say that i try to be as realistic as i can, all things considered, and i think that’s the biggest thing that adds to the ‘realism’ in my mind so im so happy to hear that you see it and appreciate it and enjoy it!!!

OHOHOHOHOHOH ALSO

YN GRIPPING SOMEONES HEART??? YOU WRITE THAT SO FUCKING WELL. LIKE ENIGUH DETAILS THAT WE KNOW WHATS GOING ON, BUT ALSO NOT SO MANY DETAILS SO IT GETS DETACHWD FROM THE STORY. LIKE THE LACK OF CLEAR SUPER MANY DETAILS REALLY MADE IT THAT *YOU ARE EXPERIENCING THIS, NOT JUST READING IT* LIKE IT MADE IT WAY MORE EMOTIONAL AND OERSONAL AND THE READER REALLY GOT IMMERSED IN THE MOST HORRIBLE WAY THAT KUST MADE IT ALL RHE MORE BETTER. ALSO JOONG AFRAID????? JOONG REALISING HE GOT A FULLY FLEDGED HEART RIPPER SIREN WHO CANT CONTROL HER BODY TO MOVE THROUGH A HARMLESS DOOR BUT CAN DEFINITELY KILL IN A HEARTBEAT (OR TWO 👀) ALSO THE CONTRAST OF REMOVING RHE BLOOD COLOURED WHITE OLASTIC AND HAVING A CLEAN HAND UNDERNWATH. THE SYMBOL OF IT ALSO BEKNG A TRASH CLEANERS SUIT. LIKE SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY USE THE TRASH PROTECTION DUIT FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE. ALSO THE OART WHERE SHE SAYS SHES FINE EVEN TJO SHE ISNT. AT FIRST I READ IT AS HER TELLING HERSELF TO LIE BUT THEN I REALISED ITS HER ADMITTING SHE VERY MUCH ISNT. AND SAN NOT KNOWING???? AND KISSING HER HAND AND UGH AND SEONGHWA KNOWING. I BET HE'S LOWKEY GETTING MORE AND MORE AFRAID OF HER. LIKE YN IS READY TO KILL HERSELF AND ANYONE AROUND HER TO KEEP SAN SAFE. AND SHE INSTICTUALLY GOES FOR THE MODT AGRESSIVE METHOD POSSIBLE. IHHHHHHHHHHHHH I FUCKING LOVE YOU AND YOUR WONDERFUL WTITING AND YOUR TWISTED MIND THAT CAN CREATE ALL THESE FUCKING SCENES THAT GOT ME THUNKING AND FEELING ✨EMOTIONS✨

truly one of the HIGHLIGHTS of the chapter simply bc of how shocking and sudden it is!! for me, that was one of the easiest scenes to write in the chapter, oddly enough? it was something that when it came time to write it, i knew how i wanted it to be and was able to just sit down and write it out the way its written in the final draft of the chapter. i really love playing with those aspects of fiction and storytelling. tangible to a point, without spelling it out. i think it’s obvious that i really love delayed realization in writing, but i really like playing with how the brain processes information and for me personally, i don’t pick up on things right away! i can realize them in a snap or it can take me a bit to go ‘oh god that’s what happened’, and i like playing with that in y/n’s character a LOT.

and in that same vein of thought, there are some layers to that scene as well when compared to the door scene. in the door scene we saw hongjoong clearly tell y/n ‘you need to do this to save san’ yet she wasn’t able to do it despite trying and believing hongjoong. then in the heart scene we saw y/n clearly tell herself ‘you need to do this to save san’ and she did it then. so there’s a lot at play in that parallel alone too. and with that internal monologue she has of im fine vs not fine, then san kissing the hand that touched a literal real actual beating heart for me that was a sort of self indulgent scene and i was really worried about it coming across as too cheesy or something like that, but that is something that’s gonna impact y/n as a character and her relationship with san when they have the conversation of ‘oh hey i put my hand through a man’s chest for you’

i think part of why this chapter was so difficult to construct and write as a whole definitely is because of all the undertones and nuances throughout, and in a lot of ways it’s so so much to even think about that it’s almost too much packed into one chapter alone, but even if you don’t pick up on all the nuances throughout, i’m hoping to revisit them and bring them back around in that delayed realization style again bc that’s one of my favorite things to do ofc :3

[lizacstuff]

SCK / Edser Asks - mostly 31

(Asks under the cut, there are some spoilers and speculation in there so tread carefully if you don’t want to read that)

Anonymous said: Based on the photos of epi 31 that were released, I saw a theory online that said maybe Deniz bought Eda a star (picture she's holding a certificate paper). Gosh I hope not. That's an Eda and Serkan thing.

It seems to me that buying a star is so specific to Serkan and Eda it either can't be it, OR if is it then they (Eda and Deniz) are doing it to purposely troll Serkan and push at his jealousy buttons, since even if he doesn't remember it, he knows he bought her a star.  I can't imagine Deniz sincerely buying her a star and surprising her with it, because there is no way that goes over well with her, but who knows. I'm done pretending I know the limits of what this show will do, lmao.

Anonymous said: A lot of fans think that Deniz is proposing to Eda but that's one huge box for a ring! I feel like maybe he's been keeping things that are from their friendship over the years and is gifting her that. But I hope not, because I like to think of Serkan being the sentimental one over things related to Eda. Thoughts?

This scene may have to do with Deniz letting Eda know his real feelings, maybe, but why would he propose so soon, in public when they're already fake engaged, and when he knows Eda is still in love with Serkan?  And you're right, it's way too big for that, perhaps it's something from their childhood? idk. I'm having trouble working up any interest in what Deniz might put in a box, because zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.  He's boring.

Anonymous said: Although I have no context for the situation that leads to Serkan asking if Eda is happy in the next episode, I still need her to answer honestly. Now that they both have calmed down, had time to adjust to the current situation and he is clearly interested in getting to know her, she needs to tell him exactly how she feels about everything. Heck, totally okay with a comment that “she would have fought for him and their relationship if he had ever given her a chance.” He remembers their kiss, he is having flashes of her and wants to spend time with her, her expressing interest & opening up has to hit differently this time. And if he still says he is going to be with Selin then I do not even what the point of this storyline was 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Yeah, I'm pretty in line with you on this. I would love it if Eda was completely, emotionally honest with him in a moment like that. But my fear is that Eda's pride, understandably wounded by his engagement to the psycho, will get in the way. Our girl doesn't like to appear vulnerable, we've seen it too many times. And being honest about their feelings is NOT how they fell in love the first time around, is it? Nope they were both too terrified to admit it, until push came to shove. 

As far as the point of the storyline, its to show us that Serkan will fall in love with Eda even when the circumstances are completely stacked against them. To that end they have STACKED everything they could against them. So I think the only thing we can do is have patience. There’s no doubt what the endgame plan is, in show time it’s only been a few days, we need to give Serkan a minute to let the war between his heart and brain play out.  I think this episode is going to show us a Serkan who is drawn to her and SHOOK by her. And Selin seeing all of that.

Anonymous said: yeah, i think the amnesia plotline is especially hard to watch rn because of selin's presence and her and serkan's "relationship" and that's where most of the frustration around current eps stem from. altho, i have seen ppl get mad that he's not remembering from "key moments" in their story and somehow it ruins a part of their story and idk.. i just disagree bc clearly there's a plan there for what triggers his memory and when it happens.. and i feel like something has to be coming soon there

Oh, yes, I completely disagree with anyone who thinks that he needs to be remembering moments to prove his love. What bullshit. HE HAS A BRAIN INJURY. It’s AMNESIA. It’s not a choice. It’s not a diss on their love. I’ve noticee that there are legions of fans out there who don’t get the, “If I lived 100 lives, I’d fall in love with you 100 times,” and keep thinking that him recovering his memories is going to be the silver bullet that fixes thing. I don’t think so. I do think he’ll get them back eventually, but seems to me he’s going to need to fall in love first.  Which hopefully will become more fun to watch, because that’s pretty damn powerful. 

Anonymous said: I was just thinking, it kinda sucks we never got to see what Serkan's other two wishes were. Obviously that's all gone and forgotten and the way the story is going now, Serkan may have to offer Eda 3 wishes for hurting her after the memory loss. It would be interesting to see how that would go (it could be for humor purpose or could actually be meaningful for their relationship). Your thoughts?

Oh, yes, I wish we could have seen what the rest of the wishes were. It was a really fun construct that they didn’t play out. Probably a victim of the change in writers around that time.  Since none of the wishes could violate the contract, I really don’t know what Serkan was going to ask for. I think when all of this is said and done, Serkan’s going to have to grant more than 3 wishes for Eda...

Anonymous said: Think I will take my lead from you and stay positive about SCK. And I am going to believe the next episodes is full of great moments between Eda & Serkan that are actual steps back towards each other. Totally get that it has only been 3 days in the show but the weakest part for me has been how tightly Serkan is holding onto his relationship/engagement to Selin...yikes! It makes me cringe seeing his arm around her. I get that was his defense mechanism but it left Eda heartbroken with nothing to work with. Now he has softened, acknowledged her talent and his interest in her and after realizing he is totally jealous about her being with someone else then he needs to put an end to his engagement with Selin.

Oh yes, CRINGE CITY. I can barely look at her. Ugh. The arm around the waist is the worst! But I think you’re right, it’s his defense mechanism. He’s using it to keep distance with Eda who scares the CRAP out of him. Poor dummy. 

Anonymous said: “the barnacle on the ass of this show” 😂😂😂😂 Thank you, I needed that laugh, and never has Selin been better described. Those spoilers I’m reading better not be right 😤

Okay, I'm loath to get into spoilers, but are you talking about the Selin fake pregnancy rumors? I think those are more speculation than spoilers (however the last two weeks the end of the ep hasn't been in the spoiler drops, but then leaked out as prevalent rumors, so.... maybe happening again?)

Anyway @echoapothecary and I talked this through with the spoilers yesterday and I think this rumor does work with the spoilers and it might not be so bad if it happens the way we speculated. Of course all of this is predicated on these spoilers being correct, and who the eFF knows. Spoilers:

The end of the episode is not in the fragman

The end is a bomb

The final scene is bad but it will come in handy because it will serve to unmask Selin (the start of her downfall)

So with those spoilers... I do think the cliffhanger bomb could be Selin telling Eda she's pregnant. But notice that key point... telling Eda.  

Selin is going to be freaked out after seeing Serkan's interest in Eda grow all episode, and she’s supposedly going to witness something that happens between Edser on the boat. So by the end of the episode she probably feels him slipping away and will be beyond desperate. So I could see her dropping one big bomb, a hail Mary pass, that she thinks might drive Eda away and even out of town.

So if she did that would definitely be a “bomb” and it would also be “bad” from the audience perspective.  Now to it “coming in handy because it will serve to unmask her.” I’m pretty sure she and Serkan have not had sex since the accident. The show went out of their way three times to show us they aren’t sleeping in the same bed. So once Serkan finds out what Selin said, he’s going to instantly realize she told one whopper of a manipulative lie to Eda.  And if that happens it suddenly calls into question every single thing she’s told him since he called her after the accident. Hence, unmasking begins. 

So if that happens, and Selin tries to manipulate Eda into giving up, I could see Eda deciding to leave town. Selin might even tell her Serkan doesn’t know because its too much right now on top of the amnesia, so it’s up to Eda to step back and so Eda won’t mention it to him and expose her lie. Who knows. If it happens I expect it would be resolved in 32 after some angst and some dramatic Serkan and Eda moments (imagine him going after her if she’s trying to leave and he finds out why from someone like Melo or Deniz). 

Anyway, is this what’s going to happen? WTF knows. Speculation is never correct, it could be anything, but it seems right in line with the melodramatics this show has been going for since the plane crash.  Selin is rumored to be leaving soon, so if this is how we get rid of her soon, fine by me. I just want her off this show BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY.  

[babysizedfics]

Poor roman :( but that being said I am heka interested in 5

remus humiliates roman in front of jamal (but jamal is a sweetheart)

vote from this concept voting post!

TWs: swearing, emotional humiliation, arguing, remus is generally pretty mean in this - not "unsympathetic" but his behaviour is not ok, brief alcohol mention but it isnt a main feature

first some background info on remus and ro:

roman and remus' friend groups actually run parallel to each other by pure councidence in that theyre the same age and are both in the local queer scene

usually they only run into each other on nights out and avoid each other like the plague... until one of romans friends and one of remus' friends become a very serious couple and the friendship groups merge

remus tends to hang it over romans head whenever they argue or remus just feels like teasing him that he could so so easily spill romans secret littlespace to all his friends

and while roman claims to not care he also really doesnt want that to happen, especially the specific things remus threatens to reveal (namely him calling his cgs mommy and daddy, and his fear of the dark - which remus knows are romans biggest embarrassments)

and remus never USUALLY actually follows through on his threats, he loves to freak roman out but he doesnt mean to be intentionslly cruel.

but one night theyve had an argument recently and remus is out to hurt roman and finally follows through on his threat to reveal romans secrets. in front of jamal

((the actual incident below the cut))

all the friends are walking back from a night out, and remus hangs back from the group to talk to jamal. roman is just glaring at remus and not saying anything and holding jamals hand tightly. remus hasnt embarrassed him too bad so far, just asking jamal questions and referring to roman as his "baby brother" which is so annoying, but the thing is roman can tell hes building up to something

then suddenly remus smirks when he sees a completely pitch black side street thats theyre about to pass by, and he calls out to everyone "hey guys, there's a 24/7 mcdonalds through here and its a shortcut to the bus stop" and everyones like WOO mcdonalds and redirects to go down the side street

and romans heart pounds watching the friends all filter down the street without a second thought, theres no streetlights down there, theres light on the other side quite far away, but before that its SO DARK. and he freezes in place and jamal is tugged back by it and looks back at him. "babe, come on"

romans starting to feel shaky and he literally cant move his feet. his eyes flick between the street and remus' sadistic cocky smirk.

"whats wrong baby bro? you stuck or something?" remus leers with that stupid stupid smirk

and roman HATES him so so much

"ro, what's the matter?" jamal asks

"i- um," roman stutters, trying to keep his voice from shaking too much at the sight of his friends just having DISAPPEARED into the darkness - how are they okay with that?? "i- im not hungry"

"okay well i am, and remus said it was a shortcut anyway so-"

"i-i -- no i can't"

seraphina, romans best friend, looks back and notices whats happening and quickly jogs over (knowing roman is scared of the dark) "hey roma, it's okay we dont have to go down there" she soothes

jamal is supportive but he doesnt get it. he thinks roman is scared of criminals or smth. "i promise theres no one bad down there, hun. and i'll be right next to you the whole time, i'll protect you" and he smiles and tugs romans hand to pull him towards the side street

romans eyes quickly tear up and he panics and rambles "nononono dont please please i cant i cant" in a broken voice and plants his feet firmly on the ground, paralysed with fear

remus starts cackling "ohhhhh thats right~" as if he just remembered. "my baby brother's terrified of the dark, isn't he?"

"f*ck off, re" sera barks, standing between the twins, protective of roman

"wait, are you?" jamal asks sounding surprised. roman doesnt let himself look at him, too busy watching remus warily and knowing thats not all he has planned to embarrass roman

remus goes on, shouting out to jamal over sera's head "he's petrified!" he confirms sounding delighted. "yknow that massive blackout last summer? he cried like a baby. literally sobbing for his daddy patton to make it go away"

theres a brief silence because no, sera and jamal didnt expect remus to refer to patton as romans daddy - they both know roman calls him dad but this is a surprise.

and that one second of silence drags on for ages for roman, all he can hear is his heart pounding in his ears and remus' obnoxious laughter

he is shaking, frozen in shock rather than fear now. for all of remus' teasing threats at home, he didnt expect remus to actually do it. hes devastated and humiliated that remus told to his best friend and especially his BOYFRIEND of all ppl

and honestly he's not even thinking about the pitch black side street right now because the streetlights on the main road are blurred by tears welling in his eyes anyway

"why dont you just leave him alone!" sera hisses furiously after her mild shock

then jamal bounces back rlly stern to remus "yeah i already know about that! roman told me and it was HIS choice to tell me"

roman stares at him in disbelief but jamal is too busy staring daggers at remus to notice

remus looks suddenly offended and frowns. hes clearly hurt that the others dont think its funny "jeez youre both such bores. im just having some fun"

"youre demented if you think thats fun" seraphina growls and shoves remus away towards the sidestreet. remus rolls his eyes and runs ahead to join the others who are all oblivious to that coversation, howling with drunken laughter in the pitch black and jumping out and scaring each other

"f*cking prick" jamal calls after remus, seething

sera quickly throws a concerned look to roman "you okay?"

roman just swallows thickly and looks between seraphina and where he saw remus join the others in the pitch black. his stomach churns at the idea of remus telling more people. "i-is he gonna--"

"im on it" sera nods and starts turning around "i wont let him tell anyone else, roma, promise" then she runs ahead to keep an eye on remus and to give him and jamal some privacy

after a moment jamal turns back to roman looking so worried and holds his hands and asks very gently "babe, can you tell me how youre feeling?"

and roman is teary but he whispers "i - you stuck up for me"

jamal looks suddenly sad and cups romans cheek "of course i did"

"but you said i told you about it. i- i didnt tell you that i-" roman gulps after his voice wobbles "i didnt tell you about it"

and jamal smiles sadly and goes "i know babe... im sorry, i just didnt wanna give him any more power. it seemed like he's held that over you for a while"

suddenly the tears in romans eyes overspill and he doesnt really know why but he can't stop them

jama gasps a little "oh roman, its ok" and just pulls him into a tight hug

roman clings and sniffles, glad that he can hide his tears from his boyfriend even if it is in his neck.

and jamal just strokes his back and whispers "its ok baby, its ok" **

they talk about it quietly as they take the longer, well-lit route instead. roman admits he would never have told jamal abt his fear on his own - and the reason he's been avoiding staying overnight at jamals apartment is bc the one time he did he got so scared of the dark that he couldnt sleep and was just anxious all night but wouldnt wake jamal to tell him

after jamal finds out hes like baby why didnt u tell me its okay and comforts him about it not being embarrassing or childish. then:

"so you do actually want to stay at mine, its just because its so dark that you didnt?"

roman nods shyly "yeah... im sorry i know its a dumb fear i just-"

"its not dumb ro. i meant to say if it works for you, we could leave the hall light on and the door open. its not like i live with anyone who can walk in."

roman blinks "wait you - really? it wont make it hard for you to sleep?"

jamal smiles softly "no hun, honestly i could sleep anywhere. i fell asleep in the middle of the day in the staffroom just last month"

roman laughs, so so so relieved

"so... maybe next time you come over for dinner you could stay the night, yeah?" jamal says with a smile and a blush. he wraps his arm around romans waist and pulls him in, hip to hip

roman bites his lip and blushes. after a moment he suggests shyly "im free tonight..."

and jamal smiles so big, stops walking and puts his arm up to romans chest to stop him too then angles romans jaw down to kiss him

in the near future jamal promises to buy a plain nightlight and always leaves it on for roman when he stays overnight from then on

**side note: roman could never stand anyone calling him baby before because he felt infantilised at school becaus of his undiagnosed adhd. so he sees it as a derogatory name more than anything. but when jamal says it roman feels so warm and respected because he knows jamal would never mean it in that way. so jamal has "baby" rights basically

[matchasprouts]

The Walls - Chapter 4

[ holy SHIT it took forever for me to finish this chapter but here it is! sorry for the wait y'all, i just moved into my dorm and my brain has been scrampled egg bc of it. anyway!!!! enjoy some more Felix brain <3 ]

First || Next || Previous || Last

Felix stayed in his room until he heard the shower turn on, followed by the attic door opening and the ladder coming down. The attic was never unlocked, not in all the time he had been there. So he opened his door and peeked out, unsurprised to find the hall empty but worried about the open attic.

Until he realized that this would be Greta’s punishment, and there was no way in hell he was going to hurt in trying to stop it.

He considered just closing his door and ignoring it, but he was too close to the attic. So, he instead went downstairs to the parlour and sat down at the piano. He wouldn’t play it- he didn’t want Greta to hear and come down, or for Malcolm to hear him when he got here- instead just waiting.

At some point, he became vaguely aware of the shuffling in the wall nearest to him, before it stopped relatively close to him. The thing probably wanted reassurance that he wouldn’t try to stop it. To some extent, this was a threat.

“I won’t do anything,” he promised, voice loud enough for it to hear but still soft enough that Greta couldn’t. The shower turned off as he turned his head to the wall. “You know me better than that. I don’t want to be punished alongside her.”

It seemed satisfied with that, giving him three gentle knocks on the wall and a boyish giggle. He hated the child voice it used, like it was mocking him. It sent uncomfortable shivers down his spine- he loathed being scared.

But he kept his promise. When he heard Greta call out for him upstairs, he stayed put. The closing of the attic wasn’t very loud, but he could faintly hear it, and Greta’s scream from fright. He still stayed put.

Six years. Six years without him breaking a rule or personally facing the thing’s wrath. There was no way in hell he would change that now, no matter how nice Greta seemed.

He turned to the covered window when he heard Malcolm’s car pull up. So, the thing locked her in the attic so she couldn’t go with him? That was the most extreme he’d seen from it thus far, the worst he’d seen it do was lock him in his own bedroom once when he’d talked about meeting a friend in town.

He’d honestly just thought it was a fright tactic at first, but this made sense. It would probably let her out in the morning.

…. He decided to sleep downstairs that night, only staying in the house because someone would need to wake up Brahms.

---

Felix ended up falling asleep on the couch that night, after listening for hours to Greta banging around in the attic and Malcolm continuously ringing the doorbell for a good fifteen to twenty minutes before finally leaving.

He was surprised enough when he woke up to the doll sitting right in front of him that he jolted up into a sitting position and grabbed the nearest weapon- a book. It took only half a second for him to realize it was just Brahms and let out a heavy sigh.

“Suppose you didn’t want to wait until I came and woke you up, huh?” he asked the doll, surprised to see that it was about an hour before he was supposed to be woken up. Whatever. He was probably just impatient.

Felix could accept that a little boy wouldn’t want to wait for his nanny to be let out of the attic, or for the groundskeeper to come wake him up, so he didn’t question it. Instead, he just picked the doll up and moved over into the kitchen to make breakfast.

He glanced at the door when Greta appeared downstairs, looking frazzled and panicked with her clothes messy and looking like they were thrown on in two seconds flat.

It locked her in still in the towel? He felt a little bad now, giving Greta a sympathetic look that immediately outed him as “in on” the plan.

“You knew!?” she snapped at him, and he was lucky he didn’t flinch. “And- and you just let it happen!? What’s wrong with you! I thought I was going to be stuck in there forever!! A whole fucking night, locked in that awful attic!”

Felix had tuned her out at that point, watching as she went off on him in a frenzied state. When she finally calmed down enough to fall quiet, he spoke up.

“You broke the rules, Greta,” he said, his voice much softer than it had been last night when he snapped at her. “I warned you. I told you that you would be punished. You were the one who chose not to listen.

Greta stared at him for a few moments, before replying in a shaky voice. “So you did nothing? You could have helped me, at least a little bit.”

Felix shook his head. As much as he loathed admitting it, he was terrified of the thing in the walls. He’d seen it leave an entire room trashed in two minutes flat, once found a dead rat hanging from the ceiling as a warning, and knew that it watched him at night while he slept.

It reminded him of his mother.

So, he stayed out of its way. And he would continue to do so. “You don’t understand. That thing… it’s not human, Greta. If it wanted me dead it could make that wish come true in an instant. I wouldn’t even see it coming.”

After standing there for a long, silent moment, Greta sat down at the dining room table, in front of the plate Felix had made for her. “So there’s nothing we can do…?” she asked, sounding broken and tired.

“Unfortunately,” Felix replied, deciding to forgo breakfast when Greta began to softly cry. “Just follow the rules, and you’ll be alright. It likes when you’re nice to Brahms- I would suggest treating him like a real child from now on. Like I do.”

He gave her one last look over before heading outside to get to work. As he grabbed his gloves, he really wished he hadn’t glanced at the hole in the wall.

Because he did not like the eye staring back at him.

---

After his encounter with the all-too human eye of the thing that lived in the Heelshire’s walls, Felix spent the whole rest of his day outside, even when there was no longer any gardening to be done.

When he was close enough to windows, he could see Greta carrying the doll around, taking care of him as she was supposed to. He supposed he was grateful for that, no longer having to take care of Brahms himself, but a little sad that she only stepped up out of fear.

He also, at some point, saw Malcolm pull up. He was likely here to check on Greta and see why she never showed up last night and, when he was in there for much longer than expected, he knew that Greta was telling him everything that happened.

And then the car left, and it was just the three of them again. He stayed out until the sun went down, only going inside the mansion when Greta called him for dinner. Even then, he still considered staying out for the rest of the night. Hell, he thought about going back to his cabin.

But then he remembered that Greta’s sudden change may not last, and he needed to be there if it didn’t. The Heelshire’s relied on him for that, and he couldn’t just let them down.

So he came inside and ate dinner with her, allowing silence to reign over them. They weren’t friends, they were never going to be friends, and while he was perfectly fine with it, he would admit that it was making things a little awkward.

He let her shower first, promising to “stand guard” outside of the bathroom when she practically begged him to, just to put her mind at ease. Apparently, she’d lost a dress and a necklace to the thing while she’d been showering the night before, and she didn’t want it coming in again.

When she was done, she thanked him for standing there, and he took his quick, scalding shower. He stayed in a little longer than usual, turning his skin a bit more red than he was used to.

Normally, Felix didn’t feel guilt. But Greta was nice enough, and Brahms liked her, so he genuinely felt bad for just letting her punishment happen. So, he stood there, under the water, burning.

Burning.

When he closed his eyes under the heated water, he saw flames in the darkness against his eyelids. Literal, red hot flames. Engulfing the building in front of him, killing any all living things that dared to be inside of it, screaming for the pain to stop-

He opened his eyes and shut off the water without a second thought. He stood there for a long few minutes, breathing heavily and trying to pull himself together.

Sights like that weren’t uncommon to Felix. He saw the burning house every time he closed his eyes. It haunted his nightmares, even his waking hours. It was an accident.

The other five were not.

Finally, he stepped out of the shower, dried off, and got dressed. Without realizing it, he went through his entire routine on autopilot, only snapping out of it when he was laying down in bed, and only because there was a note on his pillow.

An apology, from the thing it seemed. Telling him that it was sorry for scaring him earlier when he had seen it in the wall.

The gesture was sweet, and something Felix was used to, but now it made him uncomfortable. Still, not wanting to anger it, he added it to the drawer where he kept all the notes he received from it.

And then he went to bed, passing out from the sheer exhaustion he’d gained from working all day without a break. And since he was out so fast, he didn’t see it.

He didn’t see the tall, muscular figure that slowly and quietly came out of his closet, from the opening in the wall inside of it. It made its way over to him, the light just barely illuminating it’s porcelain white mask.

It tilted its head at the sight of him, sprawled out on his back. He didn’t usually sleep this way, but it chalked it up to exhaustion.

Most nights, it would spend about twenty minutes to an hour watching Felix as he slept. It was when he looked the most peaceful, and it liked to see him when he wasn’t all tense. Sure, it was fun to watch his muscles bunch up in anger, or fear, but this was unparalleled.

Slowly it reached out to him, brushing a strand of short hair out of his face. He didn’t react much, other than his face scrunching up for a second and relaxing again. It made it smile under the mask.

Felix was a very dear friend to the thing in the walls, having watched him work for the Heelshires day in and day out for six years, never once breaking a single rule. It sometimes wondered if he had any friends outside of the Heelshire family, due to the lack of visits, and felt rather… special that he didn’t.

It was his only friend, and it was the only friend he would ever need.

It watched him for a little while longer, entranced by the serene look on his face, before hearing Greta outside the door telling Brahms that it was time for bed. Before leaving, it leaned down and pressed a gentle, masked kiss to Felix’s forehead.

And then it was gone, leaving no trace of its presence, as if it never existed, leaving his dear friend to his fiery nightmares.

[sebastien-le-booker]

I just finished reading six of crows, for the second time and despite the fact that i knew what was gonna happen, it still was a rollercoaster and my heart was broken and i cried and uuuuuuuuuuuurrrgrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgqhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

so, i decided to make a post with my favorite quotes and parts. again, english is not my first language, the book is not in english, so some of the quotes will be translated by me and google translate.

Also, i decided to post this again bc it doesn’t show up in the tags anymore and it kinda took me a while to edit this because of how “amazing” tumblr works...

"We'll be kings and queens Inej. Kings and queens"

“I’m going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And I’m going to get my girl” 

Those 2 are probably my favorite and idk why but they are. the one with kings and queens just feels so full of hope and i loved how kaz said those words, i just absolutely love it.

and what got me at the second one, was the “I’m going to get my girl” Despite how difficult it is for him to admit his feelings for Inej, even to himself tbh, right now, nothing else matters but “his girl”. The money might matter, but i think that is more about the fact that he got screwed over and you don’t screw over Kaz, but it’s his girl that matters the most.

-

“Scheming face. Jesper whispered to Inej.  

She nodded. ‘Definitely”

From the same category “Kaz and his scheming face”

“Kaz looked south toward Ketterdam’s harbors. The beginnings of an idea scratched at the back of his skull, an itch, the barest inkling. It wasn’t a plan, but it might be the start of one. He could see the shape it would take—impossible, absurd, and requiring a serious chunk of cash.

‘Scheming face,’ murmured Jesper.

‘Definitely,’ agreed Wylan.”

  I love Jesper and Inej and now Wylan being familiar with Kaz scheming face, for me this is sort of like they paid enough attention to Kaz to know what some of his expressions mean and i love the part where it is described how an idea is starting to crawl inside Kaz head. I love it because it was mentioned a lot of the times how smart kaz is, and we see him talk about how he learnt all those tricks from the magicians and set up the plan for breaking into the ice court but now, it’s like we’re inside his brain and we slightly see how it works.

-

“Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.”

“I’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.”

“My ghost won’t associate with your ghost. Matthias said primply, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain”

-

“’When we get our money, you can burn kruge to keep you warm.’

‘I'm going to pay someone to burn my kruge for me.’

‘Why don't you pay someone else to pay someone to burn your kruge for you? That's what the big players do.’

‘Want me to tell you what real players do?’ Jesper said. ‘The pay someone to pay someone else to…’”

I love these scenes because they’re just sweet, casual moments between them and I’m wondering how many conversations like these did they have and how does a conversation like this sounds for an outsider dhsjldfjs

“’I’ll get us out. You know that.’

Tell me you know that. He needed her to say it. (...) He needed to know that she believed he could do this (...) He needed to know she believed in him.”

-

“He turned his head. They were sitting close together, their shoulders nearly touching. (...) he thought, What happens if i move closer?

‘I don’t want your prayers’ he said

‘What do you want, then?’

(...) a different reply roared to life inside him, loud, insistent, unwelcomed. You, Inej. You“

-

“Because I’ve been looking for an excuse to talk to you for two days”

-

“You okay? Inej asked and Kaz felt himself drawn toward her voice like water rolling down hill.”

-

“Kaz took her hand.

‘Inej, he said, his finger stroking her wrist. ‘If we don’t get out alive tonight, I want you to know that…’

Inej was waiting. She felt hope opening its wings inside of her, ready to fly if Kaz would push it with the right words (…). She lifted her hand and touched Kaz cheek. (…) Inej cupped his cheek in her palm.

‘If we don’t get out of here alive, I’ll die with no regrets, Kaz. Can you say the same thing?’

She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain still beneath her touch. And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer”

-

"He had felt horror and compulsion, but in spite of the chaos that had taken over them, he had also felt a desire that had remained imprinted in his soul, the hope that it would touch him again."

-

“’You shouldn’t make friends with crows.’

‘Why not?’

He’d looked up from his desk to answer, but whatever he’d been about to say had vanished on his tongue.

The sun was out for once, and Inej had turned her face to it. Her eyes were shut, her oil-black lashes fanned over her cheeks. The harbor wind had lifted her dark hair, and for a moment Kaz was a boy again, sure that there was magic in this world.

‘Why not?’ she’d repeated, eyes still closed.

He said the first thing that popped into his head. ‘They don’t have any manners.’

‘Neither do you, Kaz.’ She’d laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and got drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him.”

-

“Kaz seized her hand, keeping it on the railing. He didn’t look at her. ‘Stay,’ he said, his voice rough stone. ‘Stay in Ketterdam. Stay with me.’

He took a breath. ‘I want you to stay. I want you to … I want you.’

‘You want me.’ She turned the words over. Gently, she squeezed his hand. ‘And how will you have me, Kaz?’

‘How will you have me?’ she repeated. ‘Fully clothed, gloves on, your head turned away so our lips can never touch?’

Speak, she begged silently. Give me a reason to stay. For all his selfishness and cruelty, Kaz was still the boy who had saved her. She wanted to believe he was worth saving, too.”

-

“But he could think only about Inej. Inej had to live. She must’ve escaped the Ice Court. And if she hadn’t, Kaz had to survive to save her”

  All of these are all the moments they could have confessed their feelings for each other and some of the moments Kaz thought that Inej is the reason for which the sun still rises and there’s still some good left in the world. Poor boy is trying really hard sometimes but considering the things he’s been through it’s understandable that he doesn’t know how to say how he feels and that he’s probably afraid. But I also understand Inej and why she said “and how will you have me kaz? Fully clothed with your gloves on?” she wants more than what kaz can offer her at the moment but at the same time she also doesn’t exactly blame him and understands that it’s what he can right now.

Honestly, Kaz is “an idiot sandwich”, unable of showing appreciation like a functional person, but I think, the fact that he lets Inej into her office to feed the crows, or takes off his gloves and shirt when she’s around, it shows how much trust there is between them and understanding. I know they’re not perfect, but I love them both as individual characters and how they are together.

-

I love the hints to shadow and bone trilogy like:

“I could read to you if i had anything to read. There’s a Heartrender at the Little Palace who can recite epic poetry for hours. Then you’d wish you had died.”

We all know this is about Tolya, who I love very much and I love how everyone seems to be annoyed by his poems and makes them wanna die just so they won’t have to hear them, but that doesn’t stop him.

Or, how Nina says that people in Ravka are starting to question the existence of the saints and that maybe they were just some powerful Grisha bc look at Sankta Alina… she was no saint and she had the same thought about the saints after finding out that Sankt Ilya was just a Grisha.

-

“Toffee?

Her eyes slid away guilty. ‘Kaz said to pack what we needed for the journey. ‘A girl has to eat”

My girl considers toffee as being essentials and I couldn’t agree more with her. I’ll forever be grateful for having a character like Nina.

-

“I can tell you’ve never picked a pocket.’

‘And i can tell you’ve never given enough thought to your haircut. Kaz frowned and ran a self-conscious hand along the side of his head ‘There’s nothing wrong with my haircut that can’t be fixed by four million kruge”

Idk what I think it’s funnier, Nina picking up on Kaz hair or him being embarrassed by it. She knew how her words would affect kaz and she went for it

-

“Inej heard a grunt and then a loud whump as Nina hit the bottom of the shaft like a sack of laundry. Inej winced”

“ Jesper like a limber insect, Wylan in stops and starts, wiggling like a caterpillar trying to make its way out of a cocoon.”

Yeah, ok Inej, sorry not all of us are as good as you at landings and jumping from buildings and all of that… I love that both of these are from Inej pov because this is her thing and she notices

-

“We'll see what's in store for us tonight, Matthias thought. It's true that tricks are not my language, but I might learn them in the end. "

Uhm… is this the moment this boy started to accept that the Dregs are not That bad and being anything other than a Fjerdan and living your life slightly differently isn’t a crime? *growth*

.-

“’And you're right. I have no right to judge you.’

‘Don't start doing this.’

‘What?’

‘Agree with me. It's a sure way to dying.’

‘I don't like the idea of killing people, either. I don't even like chemistry.’

‘What do you like?’

‘Music. Numbers. Equations. They're not like words. They ... they don't get mixed up.’

‘If only you could talk to girls in equations.’

There was a long silence, and then, eyes trained on the notch they'd created in the link, Wylan said, ‘Just girls?’

Jesper restrained a grin. ‘No. Not just girls.’ It really was a shame they were all probably going to die tonight.”

Two things, Jepser, honey, Wylan will start agreeing with you and it will not lead to anything bad but actually something beautiful called love and you will spend the rest of your lives together and will be happy and in love for the rest of time.

Second thing, I love the “what a shame we could die tonight cause you and I could have so much fun together, oh boy, you’ve got no idea, the things we could do”

-

“Had he just killed two of his kind? Jesper had only wanted to survive. He thought of tthe banner on the wall, all those strips of red, blue and purple. He felt dizzy and confused. He knew the others were counting on him. He had to move on. But he felt that he had left a part of him in the yard, something he had not even known was important to him, something impalpable like fog. "

This made me cry so hard because, yes, Jesper has problems, it’s obvious from the first moment he’s introduced, but I don’t think he’s entirely aware of his problems and if he is, he is avoiding them and I don’t think he actually tries to understand why he enjoys the things that he does. In this scene, tho he is actually affected by what’s happening, he is visibly shaken up. He is a lot of things and I think this is the moment that he actually understands what his power means, why the other Grisha are choosing to use their powers and fight against the people that want to hurt them for their powers and that simply choosing not to use his powers, deny that he’s a Grisha, maybe is not an option anymore.

[withallthingslove]

avengers endgame spoiler-filled review

below the cut bc spoilers obviously

even after two viewings this movie is super overwhelming so I’m just gonna jump right in

- clint’s family disappearing was so haunting and traumatic omg

- i didn’t like the music choice over the marvel opening crawl

- nebula was so adorably intense when tony playing footbal with her

- carol is such a bad bitch she just carried an entire fucking ship through space

- steve running up to tony and holding on to him... that was content I didn’t know I needed

- the pepperony hug ughhh I’m not a huge gwenyth paltrow fan but she was so good as pepper in this

- honestly I get tony has been through a lot but he was such a dick back at the avengers compound. I’ve always preferred steve to tony and that scene really displayed why. Yes tony was right something bigger was coming, but his way of going about preventing it was proven wrong both times. I don’t consider ultron to be super canon because joss whedon sucks but tony’s first idea to try and solve it failed, and then the accords also failed and even rhodey regretted it. Infinity war was basically “hey yeah the accords was dumb af and steve was right and now the avengers are scattered.” Both tony and steve were selfish and made mistakes in civil war but the fact that it had been over three years and tony was still soooo angry with steve and holding a grudge just rubbed me the wrong way.

- I really felt for thor when they went to get thanos. Chris hemsworth’s acting in that scene was so good when he realized they had failed

- again who on earth put steve in charge of a support group. And while yes its nice to have some lgbtq representation marvel is way behind on that so to me it did not feel like enough

- paul rudd did so well in this movie and scott is such a good dad ugh

- 10/10 would die for morgan stark. She is soooo cute and it was hilarious when she was like “mom told me to come rescue you”

- i know a lot of people are mad at tony dying bc he could have “retired” but that scene with his daughter before steve, nat, and scott show up shows he could not. He still had a garage where he built iron man suits and suits for pepper. That’s not what someone does when they are out of a fight. That’s why he fell back into it so fast because he never left it. He was still tinkering and preparing and even when he retired he was still fully ready to go back

- i like professor hulk but at the same time i miss bruce

- tony and steve love each other so much it made me so happy when tony showed up at the compound. they’ve had their differences but there is real love there

- speaking of real love I will still never forgive joss whedon for taking clintasha away from us like yes their platonic friendship is great but UGH. They love each other SOOOOOOO much 

- tom hiddleston as loki always steals the show and i miss him so much. I was convinced he wasnt dead so I’m sad that he was still dead in the current timeline. But maybe since there is now an alternate dimension with loki and the tesseract he will show up again

- him impersonating steve, his side eye, just... *chefs kiss*

- the america’s ass comment... amazing, iconic, beautiful. And then steve’s “yeah I know” comment to his 2012 self. I’m so glad the russos let steve be funny

- I love how much winter soldier played into this one especially since it was the russo’s first mcu movie. The elevator scene... steve outsmarting the hydra agents. Secretary pierce showing up... and then steve fighting his past self was just *chefs kiss* again. The fact that he knows his own weakness is bucky and uses it against himself 

- not excited to see tilda swinton’s character because its just a reminder of marvel’s whitewashing but I appreciated it trying to explain the timeline/dimension stuff

- i also loved that at the army compound tony was able to get closure with his dad, something he deserved for a long time. I think that was another hint he was going to die because his arc was completing while steve’s.... the look on steve’s face when he saw peggy just broke me. absolutely broke me. Steggy was my first ship in the mcu and so steve and peggy hold a special place in my heart. The fact she still keeps the picture of tiny steve after all these years (a reference to agent carter)... they both moved on enough to enjoy life but never truly moved on enough to leave the other behind. And so while tony was getting closure, steve was being reminded of what he wanted most and couldn’t have. I also loved the tie in with agent carter and showing Jarvis this movie was truly a fan service to us all

- okay so rhodey/nebula: so ive never been a huge nebula person but i really liked her in this movie. I loved rhodey’s line about “you work with what you got” as far as their disabilities. I felt so bad for new nebula because old nebula SUCKKSSS and I hate she had to face her. I loved that in this movie thanos was wearing his armor because 2014 thanos was not as strong or secure with himself. His energy was SO different compared to the thanos we saw in infinity war so props to josh brolin

- natasha/clint: Well go ahead and rip my heart out. The audience knows only one of them is coming back but they have no idea. And they love each other SO FUCKING MUCH they both tried to sacrifice themselves to save the other person. That is true love. Jeremy renner is such an underrated actor and his reaction to natasha dying just killed me. But so did scarlett johansson’s acting as much as I hate to admit it because I’ve really stopped liking her as much due to her recent acting choices but she played that scene so well. And I will miss natasha romanoff forever. She deserved so much more and paved the way for all the other female superheroes in the mcu

- everyone crying over nat and especially steve broke me. They had such a special friendship, almost as strong as her and clint and I feel so many people forget that because of how natural they were together. And her last words to him were that she would see him in a minute and then she didn’t come back..

- i just realized i havent talked about thor and thats honestly because my brain blocked it out. I like that they explored his depression but dont like that he was made the joke of the avengers and I don’t think it was handled well. I did enjoy his conversation with frigga and by that I mean it made me cry. (also loki deserves a conversation like that too don’t @ me)

- STEVE WIELDS MJOLNIR!!! IT WAS SO BADASS AND MY DREAM COME TRUE I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE EXCITED IN A MOVIE. To me that was the absolute highlight of the movie

- And then sam says “on your left” and all the characters come and the music... poetic cinema

- thanos is a weak little bitch and as soon as wanda was beating him he was fine with his own troops dying just so he could get away

- TONY AND PETER REUNITING CURED MY DEPRESSION AND THEN GAVE IT RIGHT BACK

- CAROL IS SO POWERFUL MY LESBIAN QUEEN

- sebastian stan has no business looking this good my god

- I forgot how much I missed peter parker

- I didn’t notice mbaku until my second viewing and honestly the wakandan characters were shafted like poor shuri we didn’t even know she was dusted until a few weeks before the movie

- I know everyone loves the scene of all the women characters carrying the gauntlet but honestly marvel has a long way to go before they reach equality and it honestly wasn’t enough for me

- side note pepper fighting back to back with tony was awesome

- ugh tony’s face when he realizes what he has to do and he looks at strange for confirmation... give rdj an oscar like my god. He knows that the past few years have led up to this moment and he is absolutely terrified and determined and I am tearing up while writing this because I am remembering it so vividly

- peter parkers goodbye had me crying why is tom holland such a good actor

- pepper’s goodbye BROKE ME... “you can rest now” I think that is the epitome of tony’s arc. For his entire storyline he has been trying to right his wrongs and save his friends and the world and that is so much for one man to carry on his shoulders and everyone knew it would be the death of him. I know tony stans are pissed off that he died, but I don’t see him just being able to retire. Obviously I didn’t want him to die, but his whole storyline has been leading up to this. He truly got a hero’s sendoff and was solidified as THE hero of the mcu. This era started with him and it ended with him. It was a beautiful sendoff for the character that started it all. And I don’t think rdj would go along with it if he didn’t approve

- Steve’s ending.... so I knew from spoilers what would happen and while it was something I wanted in theory I was pissed when I first found out. But it somehow worked. If you look at steve’s arc, he has always been a man out of time. For everyone getting mad he was hung up on a girl he kissed once, it’s pretty much confirmed in agent carter that he and peggy were on the DL for 3 years. she wasnt just a crush he knew for a few months. They loved each other and fought side by side for three years and time took him too soon. In age of ultron the only part I liked was steve’s vision where he gets a dance with peggy. As much as he moved on in the present, the possibility he missed with her always haunted him. You can tell in peggy’s video in the winter solider that even though she married and had kids, the thought of steve still gets her choked up. When she sees him as an old woman she immediately crumbles. They both have referred to each other as the loves of their lives. 

- So with that said, I don’t think it’s weird or out of the blue that he would suddenly decide to try and go back to peggy. They won, bucky is back and safe, sam is back and safe, he can finally rest, and he has the tools to go back in time. The way I interpreted it, Bucky 100% knew what he was going to do. The look on his face, the tone of his voice. He knew Steve was not coming back, and he also knew he deserved to have that happy ending. So while sam and bruce thought it would only be 5 seconds, bucky turned away from the machine, knowing steve wouldn’t show up there. I ship stucky too because I just want steve happy so while at first I was like “how could he leave bucky??” watching it on screen it made sense. Bucky approved of his choice, and while he was saddened by it, he understood it. 

- In my interpretation, I don’t think steve stayed in the main timeline. I think him going back created an alternate timeline where he married peggy, dissolved hydra earlier, and freed bucky earlier. At some point, those two timelines merged, and he wandered over to where he knew they would be. OR after peggy died, he used the technology to travel back to that timeline when he was old. Or my friend suggested he could have met tony stark in his alternate timeline and asked for his help. Who knows. He literally came back with a shield, meaning he was at one point captain america again in that timeline. I don’t think there is anyway he could just stay quiet for 70 years about bucky being tortured and peggy running shield that was secretly hydra. I refuse to believe that. If the russos come out and say that’s what he did, then I’ll backtrack and say I don’t approve of steve’s ending. But as of right now I’m okay with it. 

[anxietywontmakethewordsgo]

Okay, SOMEBODY HAS TO DISCUSS THIS

....so I will be the first to brave it.

Okay, so I’m tagging this as spoilers but just in case; DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED EPISODE 21.

So lemme just say, this episode pissed me off for a number of reasons, and i’m probably going to make individual posts for all of said annoyances;

FUCKING GABRIEL AND ROWENA TAKING THE TRAIN TO POUND TOWN

The COMPLETELY erratic characterization changes (especially for Lucifer) in this episode ALONE

The low-key incest crotch face plant (the incest isn’t what bothered me; its that it just wasn’t necessary)

The inconsistencies of how weak Gabriel is portrayed as (not having enough juice to open the rift, but having enough to change his form and make Lucifer walk right back into the bar)

THEM FUCKING LEAVING SAM BEHIND

there are most definitely more that I’m missing, but aren’t in the forefront of my mind right now. The one that REALLY pissed me off is the first one.

Just to be clear before I start my rant; I AM NOT TRYING TO BASH ROWENA/GABRIEL SHIPPERS. If that’s what makes you happy, then you do you, boo. Same goes for the Cas/Gabriel shippers; despite my dislike of that particular scene, I am not alluding to the actual ship - I am alluding to how the characterization reactions are wrong.

ONE LAST TIME NOW; this is going to be a rant, meaning that if your little heart cant handle criticism of episodes and their plot lines, then you should skip out now.

Okay, so this is the specific thing that pissed me off and kept me up last night;

(idk if the gif is froze up for you guys too, but you get my point)

so I originally wasn’t going to post a rant about this; i didn’t want to be “that person” that immediately went on and bashed someone else’s ship just because I didn’t like it and wanted this ~other ship~ to become canon instead (*cough* Sabriel *cough cough*). I honestly thought at first that that is all it was - shipper disappointment.

so I dealt with said disappointment and kept it to myself.

but then I realized the actual reason WHY it bothered me so much.

Now, Gabriel/Rich has only been in 10 episodes COLLECTIVELY. He has always been portrayed as a sexual, deviant being, and you know what? That’s okay. It fit his character, and it became a trademark thing for him.

HOWEVER, it does NOT fit the path they had created for him this season.

I actually made two posts about this, here and here. Between the relationship Lucifer and Anael had with sexual undertones related to sharing grace, and the utterly ridiculous amount of subtext and sexual innuendos in this episode, we can definitely concur that the sharing of or taking of grace this season is seen as very *private*, very personal. It is essentially part of every angels very BEING, and the way they portrayed it this episode makes me think it is the closest thing angels have to DNA. this completely negates what we were shown in season 9 and 10, but whatevs, right? (sighs)

So, who the FUCK thought it would be a good idea to add this scene???? JUST FOR COMEDIC RELIEF?!?!?!?

I will admit that they are alike in some ways, but that’s for another post. I did originally believe they could be good friends, and i still do, but THIS SCENE WAS NOT NECESSARY OR FITTING.

Lets start with Gabriel, shall we? In my two original posts on the topic of sexual undertones this season, I pointed out that based on this subplot, Gabriel’s situation with Asmodeus appeared to be almost rape-like, having something very personal taken from him forcibly (and, as we learned in ep. 20, this happened for YEARS, tortured every day). He was violated to his very core, for YEARS. Even for an archangel, that is not something you just GET OVER (see; my lil bean’s face at the end of ep 20).

So why the FUCK would they ruin his trauma subplot with this?!?! Between the fear of being touched in episode 17, his dissociative state in ep. 18, his outburst in episode 20, and his overall characterization change BECAUSE OF his trauma, who felt it would be a good idea to just toss all that out the window for some comedic relief? You can do better writers, I know you can!

Now, I did consider the fact that MAYBE all the sexual innuendos about him not being ready (Rowena saying “premature”, the angel blade going limp, the rift closing, only a tiny amount of grace, and wanting to extract it himself, yada yada) would lead to him refusing, or stopping in the middle. But, THAT ISN’T WHAT HAPPENED. Sooo uh? I’m not really sure what was going through the writers minds when they did that. I do have to admit though, the amount of subtext was funny as shit; it just didn’t fit with the character’s current mindsets.

speaking of which, let’s move onto Rowena now. She is also seen as fairly sexual, between her general personality and her little orgy that resulted in Crowley (I cannot believe I just typed that out). However, keep in mind that despite being weakened, Gabriel is, as he argued this ep, STILL AN ARCHANGEL. He is still inhuman, still has a most likely terrifying true form. Now, what was Rowena so scared of in regards to finding Lucifer? HIS TRUE FACE, the fact that he is an ARCHANGEL. So tell me, why the HELL would she be sleeping with one and then getting choked by the other in the same episode? Gabriel may not have been the one to kill her, and he definitely has not shown her his true face, but that doesn’t negate the fact that he and Lucifer are on the same league, in terms of both power and true forms.

Based on these insights, these two should at the very least be WARY of each other; Gabriel having low-key sexual trauma, Rowena having been killed by Gabriel’s brother.

Maybe the writers were thinking of their similarities in both personalities  and how they died, rather than this season’s subplots? I don’t know, you guys. All I’ve got to say is; there will be more posts like this coming, and while I want to discuss them all, I am almost certain that NONE of them will piss me off as much as this scene did.

If there are any grammatical/punctuation errors in this, blame my night of shitty sleep.

@roleplauuniverse @altyex @flamerush101 and I’m not sure who else to tag bc I’m wading through a minefield of Rowiel/Gabrowena shippers. Thoughts?

[savetimeless]

Lucy is hurt by Noah who is part of Rittenhouse and is hospitalized Wyatt goes into her hospital room while she is resting and confesses his feelings for her little did her know she heard him, she wakes up and asks how he could love her, Wyatt then tells her all the reasons he loves her and then they kiss

Umokay I’m really sorry a) that this is so late, if you all haven’t noticed I’man inconsistent bitch and b) I tweaked it a little bit! Eep, I didn’t mean to,I was just like spitablling ideas as I went and suddenly I’d written all thisand it didn’t really conform to what you asked.

Thetimeline is a bit muddled but go with it? Also the end is a bit rushed bc Iwrote 2.5k and was like … lol they haven’t even confessed yet. And then Istill somehow wrote 1.5k on top of that. But I hope you enjoy anyway! 

i found a home for my heart - read on ao3

 Wyatt feels like he can’t breathe as he runs through thehospital. People stare at him as he goes by, but all he can think is her name,like a mantra. Or like a prayer, his need for her to be okay almost bringinghim to his knees.

He reaches her room, using the doorframe to swing in to a stop.There are two doctors in there, as well as Noah and who he assumes is Lucy’smom. The scene is – confusing. Last he heard, she’d gotten rid of Noah. And howshe’d even ended up in hospital isbeyond him, honestly, because she was supposed to be at Mason within an hour oftalking with her mom. He hasn’t seen her for a day, and he only knew she washere because he’d gotten a vague yet terrifying text from her demanding he comesave her from the hospital.

She hadn’t responded to any of his replying texts.

“Wyatt!” Lucy’s voice is panicked, and she’s sending terrifiedlooks over to her mom and Noah.

There’s a large bruise blossomed on one side of her face, theeye black and swollen shut. Her lip is cut, as well, and from the way she’sclutching her stomach he’s guessing she’s been injured there as well.

He can’t help the, “What the fuck?” that bursts from his lips ashe rushes towards her.

He cups her face gently, his thumb running over her cheekbone onher uninjured side.

“Noah,” she whispers urgently, bringing her hand up to grip hiswrist. “They’re Rittenhouse.”

Instantly, Wyatt goes for his gun. By the time he gets ittrained on him, Noah also has a gun out and pointed at Wyatt too. The doctorsscramble away and press their backs against the door.

“Lucy, get behind me,” Wyatt says tensely.

She slips from the bed, gracelessly like always, but it’s worse,because she can hardly move. She grips the bed frame and the back of his shirtas she stands behind him, leaning against him and using his body to stand. Hewants to check on her, but he’ll take his eyes off of Noah when there’s abullet in his head.

“Leave,” Wyatt barks at the doctors. They don’t move. “Leave!”

As they scurry out, Wyatt takes a step towards the door. Hewonders on Noah’s background; how has he been trained? Has he been told toavoid conflict, like Wyatt? Has he been told that if it looks like you can winyou should take out the enemy, like Wyatt? Is he seriously considering takingthe shot, like Wyatt?

Wyatt hears Noah cock his gun, and he does the same.

Takethe shot.

Before this ordeal started, Wyatt knows he would have done italready. This isn’t like Jesse James, he thinks, this is life or death.

If Noah doesn’t kill them now, he will do it eventually. By hisown hand or no, Rittenhouse will bring death down on them if they don’t killthem first. An alarm sounds on the floor, obviously in response to thesituation.

Killthem first.

With the thought in his mind, Wyatt shoots Noah between theeyes. Lucy yelps behind him, and Carolyn steps back in shock, her eyes wide.

Wyatt immediately trains the gun on her.

“Mom,” Lucy says warningly, stepping out from behind Wyatt,though keeping her hands clutched on his shirt. “Just let us leave.”

“Don’t do this, Lucy.” Carolyn’s tone is stern, obviously tryingto get back some semblance of control. “You were born to –“

“I don’t care,” Lucy snaps harshly. “You don’t get to decide whoI’ll fight for, mom. They’re killing people!Innocent people! They’re changinghistory and I’m not – I won’t let it happen.”

Killing Lucy’s mom isa whole other board game to killing Noah, so Wyatt takes a hand off his gun –still keeping it trained on Carolyn – and starts to push Lucy towards the door.

Wyatt doesn’t take his gun from Carolyn until she’s out ofsight, but even then he keeps it cocked. Lucy can hardly walk behind him,probably can hardly see either, so he slips his arm under around her waist tohelp her along.

“Wyatt,” she mumbles, “stop. Wait. Wyatt.”

He looks down to her and realizes his hand is wet. Blood.

Fuck.He should have asked whatwas actually wrong with her. She probably has stitches for some reason, and nowthey’ve likely pulled open. She’s obviously waited until she physicallycouldn’t move anymore to tell him to stop, because she’s weighing on himheavily and her gown is dripping with blood.

“Fuck, Lucy.”

He sweeps her up into his arms and her head lolls backwards.

“Lucy, listen to my voice,” he commands. She’s pale and there’ssweat beading on her face, and Wyatt knows she’s in trouble. But he can’t gether help here – he’s threatened some doctors – and Carolyn has probably alreadytold Rittenhouse he’s here and taking Lucy.

They need to get the fuck out, now.

Lucy’s eyes slip closed.

“Hey, hey, now,” he chastises, as he runs towards the fire exit.“Don’t close your eyes. Come on Luce, just look at me, okay?”

“’Kay,” she mumbles, but still, her eyes are dangerously closed.

He tries desperately to think of something to say to her to keepher engaged.

“Remember the night we met?” he asks, pushing open the door tothe fire escape with his back. She lets out a large breath that he takes tomean as a yes. “I remember thinking that you were gonna be the biggest pain inthe ass. Who gets defensive over being called ma’am?”

Her eyes are closed but she chuckles lightly, as much as shecan.

“But, hey, you know what?” He says, keeping his tone light andteasing as he goes down the stairs as fast as he can.

“Wha’?”

“You’ve turned out to be one of the best things that’s everhappened to me.”

The smile that curls up her face makes Wyatt’s heart beatfaster. Slowly, she opens her uninjured eye.

“You’re one of the best  .. . too …�� Her sentence trails off and her body goes completely limp in hisarms.

But he’s outside now and he can practically see his car; he justneeds to get her there and then he can fix her up and it will be fine.

He keeps talking to her as he goes, reassuring her thateverything is fine, he has it under control, she just needs to hold on a littlebit longer.

He manages to open the door to his jeep, and puts her in thepassenger side. He declines the chair until its as far horizontal as it willgo, then he pulls one of her arms from the sleeve and pull the gown down so hecan see her stomach.

There’s a bandage wrapped around her torso that’s seepedthrough, red and ugly. He rummages through his glove compartment and gets hisfirst aid kit and sets it on the armrest, then hoists himself up into the caras well.

He kneels on her chair, one knee between her thighs and theother standing on the foot rail.

Lucy jolts awake as he’s cutting the bandages off of her.

“Wyatt?” she slurs. “What’s going on?”

“Hey, hey, just be calm,” he says reassuringly, glancing up toher face. She looks confused and scared, but not in too much pain. He knows itwon’t last once he takes the bandage off. “It’s okay, we’re in my car. I justneed to fix this up, alright?”

She brings a hand to her face, wiping away the sweat, thenpresses the heel of her palm to her eye.

Slowly, he peels the bandage from the wound, and Lucy’s breathhitches on a gasp.

The wound is long, but only one half of it has split open. It’snot deep, but it is jagged now the stitches have pulled.

He see’s her try to look, and pushes back on her shoulder. “Justlay back, alright, let me do my work. You’re so bossy.”

He grins at her and she smiles weakly back.

Wyatt switches his focus back to the task, looking through hismilitary grade first aid kit for a needle and thread. He finds it quickly, andturns around to get the lighter from the glove compartment. The needle glowsred as he holds the lighter underneath it, and Lucy looks on nervously.

“Um, I’ve had a lot of stitches in my life,” she starts lowly,nervousness making her voice quiver.

“Not surprised.” Wyatt tried for a smile, but it feels weak andfake and so focuses back on the task.

“But I’ve never had any without pain meds. Is it gonna hurt?”

Yes.

“Uh, you’ll be fine.”

“Not reassuring.”

He purses his lips. “Look, if you don’t think you can do it, I–“ He was going to say he’ll find an alternative, but the look on her facemakes him stop short.

He realizes too late he probably should have worded thatdifferently.

“Never mind, then,” he mutters.

He slips the thread through easily, then braces a hand at theopen end of the wound.

“You ever see the new James Bond?” Wyatt asks easily, makingLucy look up to him, startled.

“No.”

“It was kind of shit,” he admits.

Lucy laughs once. “Oh, yeah? Why?”

With her slightly distracted, he pulls the needle through.

Lucy tenses up, pressing her head back harshly, a groan fillingthe car.

“Relax,” he soothes, though he knows it’s a hopeless cause.“Bond got the girl in the end.”

“That’s no different –“ she grits her teeth, “to what usuallyhappens.”

“True,” he agrees, working quickly and efficiently. The stitcheswill have to be replaced, but he’s not been taught how to do perfect stitches;he knows how to save someone’s life in the field so he can get them back tosomeone who can properly save them. He’s not entirely sure who that’ll be rightnow, but he’ll worry about that soon. “But I know how it actually happened, so it was kind of a disappointment.”

She purses her lips in a tight smile, face pale and sweatbeading.

“Plus,” he says easily, “she wasn’t as beautiful as you.”

He doesn’t look up to her face, worried its too forward. Onlyyesterday he thought it would be the last of their missions together, and nowhere they are; she’s certainly far from dying in his arms, but it sure feelslike she is.

She doesn’t say anything, and he wonders that perhaps heshouldn’t have said it. His curiosity gets the best of him, though, and helooks up. Her eyes are screwed shut and her face is tightened in pain, so hefigures she probably just doesn’t have anything to say to him right now.

He finishes up quickly, and she breathes in relief when hequietly tells her he’s done.

“I just need to wrap you up.”

He moves back as far as he can as she sits up, the gown fallingto her hips. They’re close – so close –as he passes the bandage around her body, and he thinks he should have juststepped out to do this.

But her hands are braced on his shoulders, her fingers clutchinghis shirt, and he can’t really bring himself to regret it.

He helps her lay back down, then extricates himself from theseat and jumps out. His hands are covered in blood and he leans back over herto get the half-empty water bottle in the cup holder and then rinses his handsas best he can.

Lucy’s eye is starting to close again, but her head follows hismovements sluggishly. He seems relatively clean, so he goes around to his sideof the car and jumps in. She’s looking at him, a small smile on her lips.

“Wyatt,” she sighs, “thanks.”

He smiles a little, a slight pull of his lips, as much as he canmuster.

“You can go to sleep now,” he tells her. He reaches over to cupher face, then sweeps her hair behind her ear.

Her eye closes immediately, and her breathing even outs not evenhalf a minute later.

Wyatt breathes heavily then rests his head against the steeringwheel, squeezing his eyes shut.

He’d wanted this to be over.There wasn’t supposed to be any more Rittenhouse, no more fucking withtime, no more endangering everyone’s lives. And yet here he was, close tolosing one of the two most important people in his life.

The most important person.

He loves Rufus, he does, he’s come to view the man as a brotherin the few weeks he’s known him.

But Lucy. Lucy is something else. She’d shifted his whole worldso suddenly and so completely in what he knows is a very short amount of time.Just her presence had lifted him from black and white into a world of grey,which is practically a fucking rainbow compared to what it had been.

He can’t lose Lucy.

“Fuck,” he breathes, banging his head against the wheel, eyesstill closed. “It’s fucking hard loving you.”

 Things happen in a blur when they get back to Mason. Lucy isstill sleeping so he leaves her in the car with the windows down while he goesin to get some help, maybe a wheelchair.

But there are bodies everywhere and he can’t find AgentChristopher or Connor Mason or anyone, really. The Mothership is gone and so isEmma and Wyatt is just so mad that helet himself believe this was all over.

When he gets back to his car, Lucy is awake and laying quietlyin the front seat. She looks at him as he gets into the car, and doesn’t sayinganything when he shouts in anger and slams his hands against the steeringwheel.

“Wyatt?” she whispers. “What happened?”

He’s so angry that he can’t speak.

Lucy bites her lip and holds her hand out, palm upturned. Heinhales sharply, and holds his breath. Slowly, he touches his fingers to herpalm, and it’s like salvation. Their hands close around one another, fingersentwined, and it breathes calm into his system.

Wyatt takes a deep breath.

“Are you okay?”

The question is loaded. Is her wound okay? Is she okay about hermother, Noah?

She doesn’t reply, but Wyatt didn’t really need an answer. Of courseshe isn’t. Nothing about this is okay. She should never have been involved withthis in the first place, let alone be in as deep as she is now.

It’s irrational, of course; her mother and father practicallyrun Rittenhouse. She was always going to be involved.

But he wants to protect her, wants to shield her from this worldthat he is trained to fight in, that civilians should never have to see.

“Lucy, I –“

“Let’s get Rufus and Jiya and meet up with Agent Christopher,”Lucy says. “I have a lot to tell them.”

Wyatt doesn’t say anything else as he powers up the car again. Lucycalls the other three as they drive, and Wyatt gives Lucy the address of amilitary dive bar on the far side of town that they’ll be safe at.

Wyatt hooks his arm around Lucy’s waist to help her walk in,trying to keep her torso as still as possible, painfully aware that she stillhas a wound that needs to be treated properly.

Rufus, Jiya and Denise are already there, huddled in a cornerbooth as far from the main door but as close to another exit as possible.

Jiya looks almost as bad as Lucy, and Rufus and Denise look likethey haven’t slept in days.

Wyatt helps Lucy down, then settles in beside her. They mustwear grave expressions, because Denise says, “Looks like we need some drinks,”and slips out of the booth to, presumably, get some drinks.

Lucy is slightly out of breath, with a sheen of perspiration onher forehead, and Wyatt is again struck by the desperation of needing to gether seen to.

“Luce, what happened?” Rufus asks, obviously aghast.

“Rittenhouse,” she scowls. “My mom and Noah are in on it. Triedto get me to join them.”

Rufus gestures in her general direction. “And they did that toyou?”

Wyatt’s scowl matches Lucy’s. “I dealt with it,” he saysshortly. “Jiya, how are you?”

Jiya hesitates, then says, “Weird.”

Wyatt doesn’t exactly know how to respond to that, and no oneelaborates on it, so he just sits quietly.

Denise comes back with a tray of drinks for them, and if itweren’t her who got them, he’d make sure it was paid for with cash and themoney was taken out no one where near here, but it’s her, so he doesn’t, justtakes sip and lets himself wallow in how shit this situation is.

Lucy spills all the sordid details of what she’d learnt sinceshe’d left Mason Industries, and the expressions on the other threes’ facescontinue to darken.

Jiya and Rufus leave almost as soon as Lucy’s finished her tale,agreeing to meet in the morning to plan their next move.

Lucy leans against the wall and closes her eyes, and herbreathing evens out only a minute later, and Wyatt keeps a close eye on her.

“Noah stabbed her,” Wyatt informs Denise lowly. “The woundreopened on our escape. I stitched it up, but - …”

“I know a guy,” Denise says just as quietly. “Bring her to myhouse tonight. But we’ll need cash. I have three thousand, but it’s not enough.We’ll need to double that.”

It’s a lot of money. He doesn’t exactly have it lying aroundlike Christopher seems to (he doesn’t want to know why she has that much in cash),but he can get it. He doesn’t have an account with a different name, so he’llhave to take it out legitimately; he’ll take as much out as he can now, so thatit’s a one and done, and then he won’t have to worry about Rittenhouse trackinghim. They might have to go the run soon, and he doesn’t want them to be able tofollow after them.

“I’ll get it.” Wyatt looks over to Lucy, who’s sleeping, palefaced and with a cold sweat. “The sooner the better.”

“It’d cost extra to get her tonight. Not as much for in themorning.”

Wyatt purses his lips, looks back over to Lucy. Honestly, herwound isn’t particularly life threating. Painful, probably, and at a highchance of infection, but he’s seen soldiers survive longer with a lot worse.

“I’ll get the extra. Tonight.”

But he loves her.

Wyatt wakes Lucy up, then takes her to his car.

“You sure you don’t want me to take her?” Denise asks as heshuts the door. “You need to get the money. She’ll be safe with me.”

That’s probably true. He doesn’t want to leave her, but shedoesn’t need to be moved around unnecessarily. She needs to rest.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Take my car, don’t move her again. I’ll beback at yours in two hours.”

They switch keys, and Wyatt looks at her pointedly. Christopherpauses, then backs away to give them a second alone.

Wyatt pulls the door open, and leans against the frame to standclose to her.

“Christopher is going to take you to her house,” he tells herlowly. “I need to get a couple things, then I’ll come straight there, alright?”

Lucy stares at him. “To get money, you mean?”

He should have known better than to try and keep it from her.

“Yeah. We’re gonna get you fixed up.”

She frowns at him. “How much?”

Wyatt shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll be back with yousoon.”

Lucy grabs his wrist before he can move away. There’s not muchstrength to it, but he doesn’t try to pull out of her grip.

“Wyatt.” Her voice is quiet, but serious. “When we were in thecar, earlier today …”

He smirks. “When I saved you, you mean?” He’s trying to make ajoke, and she smiles a bit, but then goes back to looking at him intently withher big brown eyes.

“You said –“ She pauses, searching his face.

He knows what he said.

“I said that I love you.”

She inhales sharply, relief painted clearly over her bruised features.He’s vaguely worried that it’s too much too soon, that maybe that wasn’t whatshe was referring to, but - …

Her face has the most peaceful expression.

“Wyatt.”

He loves the way his name sounds on her lips. Her fingers tightenon his wrist.

“Kiss me?”

His mouth curls up into a small smile. He doesn’t need to betold twice.

Slowly, so slowly, he wants to savor this moment like hecouldn’t with Bonnie and Clyde, he leans forward. Her eyes flutter closed, buthe keeps his on her face as he brings up the hand she’s not holding to her face,careful to not touch the swollen side.

His fingers touch her cheekbone, and his eyes follow the touch,completely enamored with the feel of her skin under his fingertips.

The second their lips brush Lucy leans in deeper, opening hermouth, even though it must hurt the cut. She tastes so sweet, with thesharpness of the prosecco cutting through. He can’t help but groan at hereagerness, his hand losing its gentle touch to thread through her hair.

He just can’t help himself; he bites her upper lip between his,avoiding the split, laving his tongue over it to sooth the mark.

She lets out a beautiful whimper, then grunts painfully andpulls back, bringing a hand up to her ribs.

“Sorry,” he breaths. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she replies, though she settles back in her seatand away from his reach. “Just hurts.”

“I’ll get the money and be back to you soon.”

She squeezes his wrist, then drops her hand. Wyatt tucks herhair behind her ear, then steps away from the car.

He goes to close the door.

She catches the door before it closes. “I love you, too.”

[chibinekochan]

Psst I have an idea if you're taking reqs now, but if not its okie~ ❤ hbout zen x mc's story when Zen's still in the gang and happened to meet mc in some occasion (mc's not gang member, just a normie girl) and zen happened to like mc and start to asking date such? Mc didn't like zen at first bcs she didnt like gang stuffs, but slowly likes him as well and they go out at the end? ❤ from there mc start to advicing him to get better life~ *sorry its long* ty! ❤😄 ily~

I ever take requests and I really love this one.

Sorry this took me way too long, this is such an awesome idea I made a playlist as soon as I got this request but somehow I was not able to come up with anything. Till last night *when I coulnd´t sleep*.

I can understand it if you got someone else in between to write this for you ^^*

Notes :

I refer to Zen as Hyun because it’s before his career even started, just in case anyone gets confused.

Haejung *aka @lame* is only the gang members name I remember from canon.

Words : ~2k

You work in a supermarket after school, the job isn’t that bad. The only thing that is bothering you, is this gang that tends to hang around near the store. The owner tried to chase them of, but they keep coming back.

They seem to enjoy hanging around on the parking lot, where they sit near their motorcycles and drink or just talk.

You generally avoid them as much as it goes. They are mostly harmless, but they are loud and rude and sometimes they steal alcohol from the store.

You work mostly just a few hours at the store, and never been in trouble with the guys. They only seem to bother people who annoyed them before. You never go over the parking lot, and ever taking the long way home.

One day you have to take a Saturday evening shift, from a coworker. You are forced to stay after it got already dark. It makes you feel a bit uneasy when you are on the way home.

Your bad feeling seems to come true, when you run into a few of the gang members on the way home.

They seem drunk and you try to avoid them, but one of them spots you anyways. He comes closer with a smile on his face.

“Hey it’s pretty late, want me to bring you home ?”

He sounds really unpleasant, and you rather not want him anywhere near you.

“No, I am good.”

You try to sound confident, but he and his 4 friends look quite scary to you.

“It is dark here though, who knows what could happen on your way home.”

His statement, and the terrifying grin on their faces making you feel really uneasy.

You are not sure what to say to not make them angry.

“Thanks, but I’ll be okay.”

You try to be polite, and pray that he will just go away.

“Ah come on, I don’t bite.”

He smiles kind of unpleasant.

You are not so sure about that, he reminds you of a bulldog.

You step back trying to keep your distance from him and his friends, who are just laughing.

“There you are, what are you doing here ?”

Another guy joins in, and you really don’t think you will be able to escape all of them.

Even when you have to admit, that this one looks more handsome than the others.

“We just saw this cutie here, and thought we could bring them home.”

The guy in front of you looks to the newly arrived member.

He just sighs. “You really think that’s the right way to hit on someone ? You really have to learn a lot Haejung. Look, they are scared of you.”

You had seen this gang member a few times before, his white hair and his eyes made him really stand out.

You think that he is maybe their boss or something.

“I thought I am doing good here, right guys ?”

Suddenly the guy looks like a wet puppy, and his other friends are laughing even more.

You are not really sure what to say to this. Did the guy really just hit on you ?

“He is really not a bad guy, but he is an idiot.”

The white haired guy looks to you and then looks angry towards his friend.

“You are too hard on me, Hyun.”

The guys start laughing again.

“Let´s just go, and you get safely back home alright ?”

Hyun smiles at you and the guys make space for you to pass thru.

You just nod a bit unsure, and go carefully home.

This event really confused you, but you decide to not think too much on it.

These guys are nothing but trouble after all.

The next time you work you really not expect anything, till you see a familiar white haired guy.

“Hey did you get home safely ?”

You are about to call your boss but Hyun sounds serious.

“Yeah of course, and you are not allowed in here.”

You know your boss kicked them all out more than once.

“I know, I just wanted to make sure that they were not bothering you.”

Hyun seems honestly worried about you, but you are not sure if he really is honest.

“I am fine, as you can see.”

You try to ignore the guy as much as you can.

“Haejung is a good guy, he just looks scary. I must give him kudos to talk to you.”

Hyun sounds honest, but you are not convinced, and why should Hyun give Haejung kudos for talking with you.

You doubtfully look to Hyun.

“I actually wanted to ask you out, but he was faster.”

Hyun looks straight into your eyes, this is really effective on you. But you refuse to be flustered.

“I have no interest in your friend, or you.”

You look with a serious face to Hyun.

He not really seems to be surprised by your refusal.

“That is really sad I know a really nice place close by. I’d pay for everything you want.”

Hyun gives you his best smile, and it softens you up but still this guy is obliviously nothing but trouble.

“I have no interest in gang members, and now I have to keep working.”

You not let Hyun say anything more and go to the back of the store.

You look again and he is gone. You are kind of relieved that he just left.

Just a few days later when you are on the way home from your school you see Hyun again, in front of a theater. You wonder what he is doing at a place like this, and when he goes in you think he might want to steal something.

You get curious, and follow him quietly.

If he is really up to no good then you are ready to call the police.

Somehow you lose sight of Hyun and find yourself lost. You want to leave, since you know that you could get in trouble by being here.

“Hey kiddo, what are you doing here ? It´s way too early for the show to start.”

And old man approaches you, he looks like the janitor.

“I am sorry sir. I just saw this guy entering, and I thought he is up to no good.”

You know that it looks really bad for you.

“What guy do you mean ?”

“He is tall, and he has white hair and red eyes.”

“AH you mean Hyun, no need to worry about that him.”

The guy nods and seems not worried at all.

You find it strange to image that Hyun has business at a place like this.

“Okay. I am sorry for entering without permission.”

You feel a bit ashamed of yourself.

“You had no bad intentions, so I will let you off the hook.”

“That is really kind of you Sir.”

You bow, and you feel a bit stupid.

“What is Hyun doing here ?”

You more asking yourself than the janitor, but he answers you.

“That is a good question, you can see for yourself if you dare to.”

The janitor shrugs his shoulders, and is kind of smirking.

“What do you mean with that ?”

You get only more confused.

“Just go in, and see for yourself.”

The janitor points towards the auditorium.

You follow his invite and open the door.

The small auditorium is dark, but there is light on the stage.

You see someone on the stage, performing for an imaginary audience.

It takes you a bit to notice but then you see it’s Zen. He seems to be a completely different guy on stage.

It leaves you quite speechless. You feel completely captured by his performance. Yes he is very over the top, even hilarious, but you feel his soul and passion in every line.

When he is done with his performance and bows down, you clap for him. Before you realize that you are alone here, and just run of in embarrassment.

You run till you are out of the theater, and out of breath. You feel very embraced. Seems like you really had a wrong impression from Hyun all this time. But then again he is in a motorcycle gang.

You ask yourself why he does this. You know that he stole alcohol from the store before, and he always hangs around with these scary guys.

Still, his performance felt real. You really can’t understand why Hyun is doing such things, when he obviously has so much talent.

You make your way back home, but you can’t stop thinking about Hyun. Maybe you really misjudged him after all.

You are so lost in thought that you almost jump, when someone calls out to you.

You turn around you see it’s Hyun. He is breathless.

Did he run after you ?

“I am sorry, but could you keep this a secret ?”

Hyun is barely catching his breath, and you wonder how he knew it was you.

“Keep what from whom ?”

You are a bit confused, you are not even sure what exactly you just witnessed.

“The guys just really can’t know that I am working here.”

“Why would I tell them ? It’s not like I ever talk to them… And there is no need to be ashamed of your performance.”

Hyun looks like just realized that this is true, and then he realizes that you really saw him perform.

“You really saw that, that’s quite embarrassing…”

Suddenly he looks extremely shy, you never thought you would see that day.

“It was really good, I really wonder why you are wasting your time with this gang…”

You know it’s not really your place to lecture him, but it really seems strange.

“You really think it was good…” Hyun sounds doubtful.

“And those guys are the only place I have, they are not that bad, really.”

You see that Hyun looks very sad all of a sudden. You are not sure why but you think that you just cracked his shell.

“It was really something, and I won’t tell them don’t worry.”

You talk much softer to him now and you smile at him.

You think this was all and are about to say goodbye to him.

“That is really nice of you. I know you really not like gang members, but how about having a meal to thank you for keeping my secret.”

Hyun seems to be serious and now were you seen some more of him you feel more curious.

“Okay, but it’s not a date.”

You are still not a hundred percent sure about trusting him, but you are willing to give him a chance at least.

“That is fine with me.”

Hyun shrugs but he seems overly happy still.

During your meal Hyun tells you a bit over his past, how he left his home, but this is all really hurtful to him so you not dig deeper.

You understand him much better after that, and then he tells you about his dream to get on stage and perform. Like he did today, but in front of a huge crowd. He seems to fully of life when he tells you about this that you can’t help but picture it too.

You feel like he really could do it and you tell him that, what really flusters Hyun.

You spend the rest of the day with him without even noticing it, you talk about your dreams, and he encourages you to go for it as well. He really is nothing but sweet to you.

In the end you let him bring you home, and you kiss him on the cheek.

Despite him being still in the gang you start to date Hyun.

Your feelings only getting stronger, while he still hides the fact that he wants to be an actor in front of the other members.

You really not like to see how he is wasting his time, and his talent.

Slowly you help him find a better place to live and you help him to talk to the boss of the gang.

Who turns out to be Haejung.

Haejung really is not as bad as he seems, he understands Hyun´s dreams to get out of this kind of live.

He even supports Hyun to get out. He seems quite disappointed, that you choose Hyun over him, but he gets´s over it.

You help Hyun to find a full time job behind stage, so he can afford his own place to life.

When he finally has his first official performance you are there and cheer for him the loudest.

Even when you move away to Study and break up with Hyun, to support his dreams and you figured it is best for both of you.

You keep up with his success, and years later when you meet again it is like nothing changed and you fall in love all over with him.

Take a look at my Masterlist my requests are open so drop by !

[leaughrilke]

parents supercorp hc: lena is enamored by her child like it takes up so much of her time when she really lets herself think about how there is so much love she can feel for someone and so much love she receives back

HONESTLY THO 

with the first pregnancy, with finn, lena’s happy, she is but she’s kind of terrified??  bc kara’s so excited and she has fears too, but she’s so ready for this baby?? ?  so ready, she’s got lists of names and has been spending a lot of time poring over every detail she remembers from krypton, asking alura’s hologram question after question in order to make sure she has all the customs right, that remembers everything correctly in order to welcome their child into the world they way any child of krypton would be.  but lena doesn’t—its not that she doesnt want the baby??  its not that at all.  she cant think of anything better than another piece of kara out in the world, can’t think of anything better than the painfully bright smile kara had when the test came back positive, so bright it felt like it was tearing lena apart

the root of the problem is this: lena wouldnt know a healthy family dynamic if it hit her in the face.  like she sees the danvers, she sees kara’s little ragtag family of superfriends, but when you’re not raised in an environment like that???  its hard to think that you can ever create an environment like that for your own kid, god knows i struggle with that.  she knows kara’s going to be operating at like a fifteen.  she’s pretty sure she’ll be lucky if she can manage a seven, maybe.  she keeps thinking about how her therapist characterized her childhood as one of disorganized attachment, that she never had any one nanny very long bc lillian would see them beginning to bond and would fire them, that her only real connection was lex, lionel sometimes, and they both left her too.  god, how is she going to do this?

kara says the pregnancy drags on, that she can’t wait until their little person is here but lena thinks it goes by so fast, her body changing faster than she can track, their apartment filling with cribs and toys and little onesies and sleepsacks quickly, so quickly and then she’s about two days overdue and she wakes up with twinges but refuses to admit it, tells kara it’s braxton hicks again, she’s sure

she’s been working from home for the last several weeks and kara’s been keeping closer, been using her stacked vacation days before her maternity leave goes into effect (bc catco sure as shit offers paid leave to both parents!!!!  u think cat grant wouldnt do that shit?????) 

lena cries when her water breaks.  full on tears.  kara thought for a second that its because its a big thing, you know??  she’s a little close to tears too, but lena keeps crying after the initial shock should have worn off and she’s like lena??  honey??

and lena isnt making a lot of sense but the biggest thing kara gets is its too early, we’re not ready, it’s too early

sweetheart, the nursery is completely set up, we have clothes and toys and that nursing pillow, we’re ready, you’re overdue!

i’m not ready

and oh, kara’s not sure what to do with that bc this is something that needs to be talked about but lena’s also contracting everything three minutes and kara’s not sure she can drive her fast enough 

lena’s screaming through the whole thing, screaming and crying and begging for this baby to stay, don’t move, i’m not ready for you and kara’s heart is breaking and she wants to help her, wants to make this better for her but there’s no stopping this and lena knows it too, bears down with all the strength she has and kara thinks that if her hand could break, her wife would have broken it by now but then

well.  then their son is crying too

kara cuts the cord, looks up at lena with wide wet eyes and breathes lee, he’s beautiful and lena’s still crying, but when the doctor lifts up their son she reaches for him and it is immediate, no stopping it, she takes one look at his little face and she’s done, she in this, and there isn’t a single doubt in lena’s mind that she would rather watch the entire world burn than ever let him down, ever let him doubt her love

kara’s afraid to hold finn for a while (that’s a story for a different post tho) and while lena’s hurting for her, wishes she wasn’t as afraid, she’s selfishly so pleased bc it means she gets to hold finn all the time.  she gets to just???  be with her son?????  she didn’t think her heart could get any bigger, thought that kara had expanded it as much as it could grow but then finn stretches or grabs hold of lena’s finger or necklace or makes those soft sleepy little baby noises and she’s p sure her heart doubles in size again and again.  she can’t put it into words???  she’s not even sure if she wants to, bc it feels too much, too big for words.  she feels so warm and full and finn falls asleep nursing sometimes, falls asleep with his eyes trained on lena and her heart shatters in the best way, bursts open and reforms again and again

she brings him to work with her a lot bc while she’s itching to go back to her office, she also feels a lil sick at the thought of not being right there with him.  investors and board members sort of have to just learn to expect the ceo of a fortune 500 company to come to meetings with her baby strapped to her chest, learn to speak quietly bc she has no qualms abt shutting a meeting down if finn gets woken

ultimate mama bear mode activated

gOD she spends like A Lot of time just......marveling at their son??  in awe of how full her heart feels, how quickly her entire world has rearranged around this little thing (not that little tbh......finn is a Hearty baby, all roly poly double chin)  like.  it’s wild.  she can’t believe it, cant believe that she once was so certain she would be alone forever, that the luthor name would hold her down, press her into the river bottom until she drowned.  but now???  now she’s lena luthor only professionally, now she signs her legal documents lena danvers, now her entire world has narrowed to two wonderful, golden beings, to kara’s smile and finn’s laugh, to the family that welcomed her and embraced her

AND THEN MAIA COMES ALONG and its the same but its so different bc lena sort of knows what to expect????  but it hits her a little differently, no baby is the same, and its not lost on her that now she has a daughter and with the relationship she had with lillian, it’s a Big Thing.  she’s relaxed into motherhood with finn, gotten into a rhythm and somewhat managed to reign in her constant world stopping awe at how much she loves her kid, but maia is so different, has a completely different personality and she never falls asleep nursing, isn’t as mesmerized by lena’s necklaces, but she falls asleep tucked into the crook of lena’s arm and likes to play with lena’s fingers and she makes it so easy for lena to feel confident, so easy for her to feel like she’s doing well.  

maia smiles early, freely, laughs often and likes it when lena dances around the kitchen with her so she does it nearly every day, finds it so easy to split her time between maia and finn, finds her love growing every day and sometimes??  she just has to call out for the day bc she just wants to spend the day with her family????  wild right/????

she and kara turn into Those Moms that always have at least two hundred photos of their kids on their phones at any given moment.  somehow they are always photos none of the superfriends have seen before

alex isnt sure how they manage it like there is only so much time in the day

AND THEN LITTLE STELLA??  she’s so wildly different from her siblings, so so tiny and lena thought it would be different because of how stella came to them, that maybe lena would have more issues to work through bc stella was orphaned and that, in of itself, makes her confront her own issues but nope, not at all

kara flies into her office, still dressed as supergirl even though her cape is a little bundle in her arms, and she’s got a look on her face that makes lena put down the contract she was looking over and get up, go to meet her halfway and when lena looks down, she gets the look on kara’s face, knows then that kara’s already just as in love with this little thing as she is with finn and maia, and she looks down and falls just as in love as well.  the little baby in kara’s arms is so tiny compared to finn, compared to maia, tiny and delicate and she’s sleeping until lena steps closer, little eyes blinking open and lena knows the facts, knows that babies this young can’t focus their eyes (and god she’s young, kara tells lena she’s only a few hours old, at most), but this little baby is looking up at her and lena knows that this baby is her baby, as much as finn or maia are hers

god lena didnt know her heart could grow any more.  she thought she’d have burned out by now???  she didn’t think anything could be this renewable, this expandable, but her heart is overflowing and lena knows she’d bring her children the stars if they asked.  stella stays much smaller, worries her mothers for months until she finally starts putting on weight, and the worry never goes away but it fades bc lena gets to see her children together, gets to discover this new level of pride and love when she sees maia helping stella turn on the faucet when they’re told to wash their hands before dinner, when she catches stella slipping into finn’s room when lena’s just left after he’s had a nightmare, when she watches finn tuck a blanket around his sisters when they fall asleep during family movie night

AND THEY LOVE HER SO FREELY lena can’t believe it, can hardly stand it.  they love her so so much, lena doesnt think she deserves it.  like???  she still fucks up, she’s not the perfect mother by any means, but they all know she’s the perfect mother for them.  what other human could love them so fully?  what other person could so easily adapt to their unique challenges and needs?  what other mother (besides kara, obviously) could handle their temper tantrums and shitty behavior with so much patience and calm?  

god the kiddos love lena.  they rlly rlly do.  she is so so careful with each of them, careful in different ways, the best ways.  like???  they all know they won the parental lottery, her and kara bring their a game each and every day and sometimes the kids get bratty, bc theyre kids u know??  but they never forget that their mothers are the best

and they know a little bit about lena’s childhood, know that lillian was never loving, kind, patient.  that she never sat up with lena when she had a nightmare or put her hair in plaits with gentle hands.  that she never tucked her in at night or came to every recital or play or game, or sat on the bathroom floor when they were sick or helped pack their bag for a sleepover.  that she never cared for lena the way lena cares for them

they’re all p good abt being vocal with their love for lena, but stella is the best at it (solely bc she can tell when lena’s having a Bad Day, knows when she needs to be a little louder).  she usually catches maia and finn up to speed, usually ropes them into helping her make a card or pool their money to get her one of those cheesy #1 Mom mugs from hallmark (kara has several variations of SuperMom) or sometimes they rope kara into helping them cook dinner for lena

THIS WAS A V LONG WAY OF SAYING THAT LENA IS SO SOFT WHEN IT COMES TO HER FAMILY, SO SOFT WHEN IT COMES TO HER CHILDREN.  GOD SHE WOULD DIE FOR THEM IN A HEARTBEAT.  SHE WOULD BURN THE WORLD FOR THEM BUT GOOD GOD THEY FEEL THE SAME WAY ABOUT HER