#again; I planned nothing for today | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thatonecrookedsmile · 2 years ago

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You know,i’m something of a “Sonic fan” myself

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ef-1 · 3 months ago

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🍷<3

#when i got hashtag sick i was in hospital and i was doing my regularly scheduled call with my dad #and i really had no plans of telling him bc ive done that before and its not like he can scare the MS away or anything #i dont know what happened. maybe because it was such a fucking bad episode. maybe because i was so tired. maybe it was a secret 3rd thing #but one minute was like fine then i just burst into tears and i was crying so hard which is MEGA EW BC IM NOT A CRIER LIKE THAT #and my dad freaked out and he was like whats wrong and i didnt wanna tell him but I also sounded insane bc i spontaneously started sobbing #and he was getting more alarmed and i was upset that id upset him and so i just spat it out i was like 'listen king'#'its no biggie but my body is trying to kill me again and im just a little sad atm' and he replied 'baba why wouldnt you tell me?'#and this man who has a very big serious job literally dropped everything and took a 20 hr flight over #and he genuinely just grabbed one of his work suitcase because he showed up with nothing but dress shirts and his laptop #and i think maybe it healed me a little. i mean it def also made me sad too but mostly healed me #and he'd been here for a couple of weeks and he left today and i feel shit about being sad about it #again because he has a very big and very serious job and i genuinely dont understand how he even just showed up like that #so I felt guilty throughout #anyway i dont think he drinks anymore but i was like king have a sip of wine with me and he did and it was lovely #and I hope I become my fathers daughter and not my mother's child. praying to both our gods #heres to healing ❤️‍🩹

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wibblyv · 1 year ago

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They were planning their future together and then somebody just took that away from them. IT HURTS SO BAD

#f*ucking hell i should've not read this #nothing but tears again today #they were planning their future #they were going to be future fishwives!!!#i’m gonna [redacted] myself!!#siuan sanche #moiraine damodred #the whee of time #wot #rosamund pike #sophie okonedo #siuaraine #moiraine x siuan

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outlying-hyppocrate · 4 months ago

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well. did you fucking miss me.

#random thoughts #apologies for sounding in such a sour mood. life is fucked as of late.#scheduled post. i made this on 10.08.2024.#everything has just gone to shit. so far i've been eating less than ever. feels like my stomach is eating itself augh (':#(technically the so-called relapse started on 24.12.2023. but we are not unpacking that today or ever.)#and i am filled with this desperate urge to cut myself. really really deep. not sure how to cope with it #i also?? hate how i look??#and yet i spend all my time?? in this dark dark room?? taking pictures of my face?????#i'm not killing myself off just yet don't worry. i considered it but it won't be happening any time soon.#i originally planned on disappearing for twelve days. partly to make my friends feel bad because i'm awful #which. obviously didn't work. as i don't think anyone noticed or cared particularly.#but mostly because i can't fucking handle it. it being everything. my future feels so uncertain #i am barely alive. i love all the people in my life. but they're too far away physically and emotionally.#but yeah. back finally. although ciel disappears for a lot longer than me and if you know hym my absence would be a small stint.#ciel if you're here when i post this i love you please come back. ):#this place is so scary to come back to. i'm not sure why. i'm just. scared.#i'm not even sure if i want to return really. i'm having second thoughts now. i haven't gotten worse enough #and i can't say what that means. because in theory there's nothing wrong with me that's been speculated upon. so.#i don't think anyone would care if i disappeared for longer than this.#but being away is torture. and then again being here also sort of is. it's scary #fuck.#i can't get out of bed without feeling like shit. i don't know if i can come back. i'm so sick of everything.#if you're seeing this i'm so sorry.#I NEED TO CUT MYSELF I NEED TO CUT MYSELF NOW. I NEED TO. I MADE SO MANY PROMISES BUT I NEED TO DO IT NOW #I'VE GOT THE SCISSORS I NEED TO DO IT #I NEED TO DO IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW #(<- tags canceled for now)

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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simgerale · 9 months ago

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me after attempting to get back into sims and realizing i had a lot more to do than play the game

#hi everyone #I’m going around hugging you all #okay now that we are gathered here today #i will simply acknowledge that i have been gone for a very long time and then also acknowledge that maybe it was for the best #i relied on sims to be my only creative activity even if i tried to write a book at the same time #and also. i prioritized sims over real life responsibilities. that’s just a deadly combination lol #but I recently noticed I just replaced sims with Netflix. with YouTube. with anything that gave me quick dopamine #literally became addicted in a sense. still am but I’ve been cut cold turkey from most everything #I get off work and go. okay I’ve done the dishes and the laundry……..I could read or write or bake….#I try to write and sometimes i get a good hour #then I read for a few hours and then get tired of it #and I made cookies Tuesday so I’m waiting for those to be gone before baking again #I’m just so pitiful that I feel BORED and don’t know what to do #so I said….. okay what if I do sims for an hour.#I downloaded some new cc Tuesday and tried to play yesterday #y’all ……………….. I can’t find the energy anymore to set up elaborate scenes and pose my sims and plan posts #I said wow… this is boring without my intervention and fake story #I said wow…….. all this for what? for tumblr? yes I created cool things and provided joy. but is that inherintly important compared to my #own joy? my own everyday activities I should be doing?#y’all I do not leave the house unless we got out to eat or shop or travel to our parents #.. I have little desire to. I’m trying to find that desire #but my husband is busy with grad school and work and I don’t want to do anything by myself #I’ve found myself in one heck of a slump #I didn’t want to be human for awhile. just had no desires no interests no ambitions #I was slacking off SO HARD at work. I just had no drive to do well #I’m still working on it. I’m still trying to get caught up. I’m still trying to force myself to move every day.#but I am struggling y’all. and I can tell you that sims… sims isn’t helping rn but I want it to so bad. I want to get back into it #I didn’t mean to disappear on everyone. I got married and then life got busy and then I fell into this hole of nothing #I didn’t even WANT to crawl my way out. but my husband has helped a lot. I feel like such a child!!!!#I reached max tags. 🙃 bye love you all. till next time

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starbuck · 1 month ago

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me: hey, so i feel like you maybe disregarded my saying that caretaking on top of work and school and pre-planned travel is a lot for me right now and i’m not comfortable with all of that pressure being on me alone when i wanna make sure you guys have everything you need when i’m not around…

my family: of COURSE we heard you, that’s why we started doing a bunch of things by ourselves at great cost to our physical well-being instead of asking you for help!!!!!!

me:

#my number one emotion right now is wanting to move across the country out of spite as soon as my mom is fully mobile again #i am sooooooooo done #i had recommended looking into options for home care and my mom supposedly did #but then today she was like ‘idk… there’s just nothing that isn’t medical… there’s no options’#so i googled ‘caretaker help [name of our city]’ and found dozens of people IMMEDIATELY #sent her several links #idk i’m just really pissed off #all i’m suggesting that they do is make a plan in case something like this happens again #and they seem FLABBERGASTED #my mom-mom literally said to me multiple times ‘people don’t usually plan for bad things happening to them’#and it’s like. dude. your daughter is literally lying there in a cast right now bc she fell down the goddamn stairs #the bad thing DID happen!!!!!!!#so now that you’re THINKING ABOUT IT maybe make a plan for next time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i was VERY nice about it #no bad words… no insults… measured and calm tone…#but they were treating me like i was being crazy and unreasonable and i just don’t GET it…#i know it can be hard to ask for help but this is honestly delusional #my mom hasn’t taken a vacation in over three years because she’s NEVER looked into home care before #and neither she nor my mom-mom are happy about that… they’re always venting to me about it #my mom about how she wants to get out more and my mom-mom about how she feels like a burden #and it’s like. my dudes…#just hire someone!!!!!#like. three hours a day tops… just to check in!!!!!#it wouldn’t be that hard!!!!!!!#am i nuts?????? someone reality check me please #i need something firm to grasp onto

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backfliips · 1 year ago

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In a perfect world I'd sit down and make art all day long but unfortunately I am afflicted with executive functioning issues and many mental illnesses which prevent me from using my leisure time productively

#i wasted basically my whole day today #i got a little done but nothing for ME #and then this week im BUSY doing shit i dont WANT to do #monday i stay an hour late at work and then have class an hour after that #and once im done class im so pissed off and theres no time to do anything worthwhile #then tuesday i have plans with my aunt that i cant miss bc its instructions for future pet sitting plans #wednesday i have free time but im going to spend it on commissions and then i have a yoga class in the evening #then thursday i have class again #RAAAHHH #friday i have plans too #and saturday #and sunday #i just want to draw #screaming and crying i have so many ideas but no drive or time to complete then

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lorelune · 8 months ago

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seriously debating a home rn …

#i THINK i have the app in the bag #my only qualms are 1) unit old and has not been updated much. this means drafty and just like… a bit rough around the edges #however. building has character which i do like!#2) laundry requires u to physically leave the building to access the basement where it’s located #and it’s coin operated which is annoying #however i’ve been loosely planning to get a like… tiny in unit one anyways? so like. this would just speed up that #3) money. it is SLIGHTLY above my budget but nothing egregious or undoable. just slightly more than i was originally planning for #i’ve been back and forth on it … i have time. however there’s lots i DO like abt the unit #location is IDEAL #balcony #dishwasher and big tub #once again its a very unique building too bc its old!#grocery store very close #good square footage #a balcony 🫣#i’m WEIGHING IT #ill poke at the landlord today

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thatpurpledudetrey · 3 months ago

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acotar modern au but feysand and nessian relationship got ruined ever since rhysand and cassian started to binge watching skibidi toilet and scrolling through yt shorts

#acotar #neutral feyre #anti rhysand #nesta archeron #anti cassian #nothing too anti today #nyx was watching a skibidi toilet video on his greasy ipad while eating breakfast #and rhys just happen to see him watching it #“son what are u watching?”#and ever since then he's been like so mesmerized over skibidi toilet #this shithead decides to introduce to his incels fratboys #cassian who is obviously a dumb bitch is also stupidly invensted in skibidi toilet bcs hes stupid #azriel doesnt care bcs he has a chronic p*rn addiction so the only type of content he consumes is p*rn and absoulety nothing else #the archeron sisters are absoulety MORTIFIED #because obviously in the modern au the sisters would be gen z and everyone else would prolly be millennials or gen x(not emerie or gwyn)#so obvi they know what skibidi toilet just scrolling a bit on tiktok #feyre didnt care that nyx was watching toilet humor bcs hes a kid but the fact her shitty husband is into this makes her tremble in fear #“rhysand what are r u watchin- is that SKIBIDI TOILET ON UR SCREEN???”#nesta is probably used to cassian pure idiocy that she doesnt even seem suprised that cass is watching skibidi toilet just disgusted #she's more terrified at the fact cass is going to have shorter attention span and would probably pay less attention to her than he is now #like she could be laying at bed trying to sleep but cASSian watching skibidi toilet on FULL volume bcs hes just that ignorant #“cassian can u like lower the volume im trying to sleep”#“oh ok”#then few mins later hes playing it on full volume again bcs ïts to low that he cant hear"#nesta ask him the same thing a few times until she just gave up #oops i was planning this post to be neutral to the batboys but unfortunely the tags are very anti :P #meaning i have to put neutral feyre instead so i wont get harassed 😓

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welshattack · 1 year ago

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RIP to the 67 pikmin i accidentally blew up with a bomb 😭

#in other news i rewound time for the first time today #i didnt WANT to i feel like a bastard bc of it but. man.#i wouldnt have been USING bombs if my original boss fight plan - which was actually the correct solution! - had WORKEDD #i ran too close to it while trying to retrieve one (1) pikmin that got caught behind it. ough #i will. try to never rewind time again bc i dont like it. i dont like having the power of god where i shouldnt #shepherd and collin repeating dialogue like nothing happened... im sorry you guys dont realize youre in a time loop #pikmin #pikmin 4

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burger-goblin · 9 days ago

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#started my new job today and the first day went really well!!#i said a few weeks ago that i was done 'trying' to do stuff and that i was just going to DO IT #i'm holding myself to it and i WILL make a better life for myself regardless of what my damaged walnut brain tries to tell me #'you're gonna continue to fail so why try' 'nothing will go the way you plan for it to and you'll end up alone again'#'you don't deserve good things'#LIKE GIRL SHUT UP!!! WORK HARDER SWEAT MORE DO BETTER FOR YOURSELF #I CAN DO IT RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #'I *WILL* DO IT' I SCREAM AS A NEW VERSION OF ME BURSTS FORTH FROM MY CHEST

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madaraservingcunt · 2 years ago

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#this month has been so so so endless with the tasks #i have been slacking on putting out Madara content...i prommy it is still in my brain somewhere he is no longer frontal lobe worm #i have all these plans to do stuff but my new job is so MUCH and plus i have shit to do every weekend. all i can do is rb stuff currently.#i have been on a Creation Kick and im drawing again #its nothing id post but im feeling artsy and have been putting money aside to get a tablet #bills have been stacking though...so its gonna be a bit #thank u to my new friends who i chat with and my old ones who stick throufh my events #im trying rly hard to keep afloat...but i folded laundry today so im pretty much in recovery #i also gave up alcohol and im kinda going through a recovery moment forreal #whatever #thanks for reading this far #my madara conent will return

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disdaidal · 1 year ago

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So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

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moe-broey · 2 months ago

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Would I be proving my therapist (who has been voicing some concerns about my depression maybe getting worse but like I feel like it's fine) right by cancelling my appointment tomorrow cause I just don't wanna. Like all I have to report is that I'm tired and I wanna rest and I just don't really feel like it y'know

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 months ago

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#'well you cant win em all.' okay but i would like to win at least one!! (not my quote i swear ive seen it on tumblr just cant find it)#like i would kill for just one win. i would pay a crisp $10 to anyone that could provide a single win for me #today was yet another fucking loss and that was all i had lined up. like theres nothing set up to possibly be a win in the future #ive got nothing there. so weve ended on a loss and thats all i have for the foreseeable future #i counted all the wins and losses in recent memory. ive got like 13+ losses and about 1 win #i tried to count up all of my wins but truly i managed like. one.#even some things that i didnt know could become losses! like did you know you can just be refused an adhd reassessment?#like you can say 'id like to pay $160 for you to fuck up a diagnosis again' and they can actually say #'youre not even worth the trouble to misdiagnose so go fuck yourself'#but they can! i didnt know that #and then you can have the audacity to tey to hope for something and think youll get it. like hope a little too hard #truly shouldve lesrned my lesson after twelve losses in a row not to get my hopes up #but i did! i made plans! i was gonna buy a cute water bottle specifically for that job. snd take myself out to dinner if i got it #can you guess what happened? when i had the audacity to hope and plan for a job that i was so passionate about and wanted so much?#(i didnt get it. the job ive been posting about. didnt get it)#didnt get the apartment in the city i love and miss either. didnt get an adhd reassessment (which is still wild to me)#and i tried to frame them as better in my head. 'this is a chance to tey a different job youd be better at! this is a chance to save money!'#nope its just another shitty thing in a long line of shitty things and im just getting tired of it. im so fucking tired of it #i am back where i vowed id never come back to and i cant escape in any way shape or fucking form #just needed to vent because saying all this in my head wasnt helping. saying it here doesnt help either but whatever

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