#i’m gonna [redacted] myself!!
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‘i’ll say fuck as much as i fucking want too, thank you very fucking much, fuck you how’s that?’
HELP ??????
#ok milo#i’m gonna make a list of things from this audio that made me start pissing myself at 2am#redacted audio#redactedverse#redacted asmr#redacted milo#redacted fooliverse
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porter: you will find moonlit nights strangely empty because— when you call my name through them, there will be no answer.
treasure: rather melodramatic, aren’t you?
#ARRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH#redacted audio#redacted fandom#redactedverse#redacted asmr#redacted porter#redacted treasure#jax’s musings#i’m gonna kill myself
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They were planning their future together and then somebody just took that away from them. IT HURTS SO BAD
#f*ucking hell i should've not read this#nothing but tears again today#they were planning their future#they were going to be future fishwives!!!#i’m gonna [redacted] myself!!#siuan sanche#moiraine damodred#the whee of time#wot#rosamund pike#sophie okonedo#siuaraine#moiraine x siuan
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y’all pray for me tomorrow
#was going to try to buy a couple small kitchen appliances#but wanted one of my siblings to go along with me because while i /can/ do multi hour drives on my own#i don’t necessarily like it#well found out the family’s going to (redacted) this weekend anyway to visit grandma#great i think! i’ll just swing by and grab one of them early to take along#(since mom said they were going to church tonight)#but dad has once again screwed me by having something to do at mass tomorrow#so i gotta go by myself to pick up the blender#i’m waiting to hear if the person with the food processor will be available for me to pick it up tomorrow#at least grandma’s okay with me coming by the retirement home early#but zach will not be happy i’m going by myself#if i tell him#which i’m gonna try to avoid doing lmao.
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i’m scared
#i’m gonna watch s4 anyway but 😭#[redacted] and [redacted]?! that’s a joke right ??#i’m so tempted to spoil myself further but i cant and it’s hard :((#sam says stuff
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I GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL Y’ALL
#time to brag about myself for just one second#this program has been my literal dream for years i’m actually super proud of myself#and i’m moving back to [REDACTED] yaaaaaaaay#I’M GONNA HAVE A MASTERS#add it up baby#wfr bachelor’s cdl masters i’m hella certified#academic toady 2.0 incoming
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I’m gonna explode and kill everyone forever
#cicada screams#I hate myselfffff why can I not have normal emotions#im so frustrated I feel like I’m actually gonna explode here soon and I can’t!! do anything about it!!!!!!#normally I would go lay down but my stupid ass parents decided today was a Grocery Day despite the fact we do it on sunday normally#and they’re out shopping and will be home soon so I can’t sleep#which is a stupid thing to be upset about and is making me even more frustrated with myself for being a stupid baby#I can’t keep doing this man I gotta [redacted] at this point
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Saw a major spoiler for The Magnus Protocol cause it wasn’t correctly tagged. I’m gonna scream.
#i wanted to give myself a bit of a break between tma and tmp (tmagp?)#but i’m gonna start the podcast as soon as i finish malevolent#except now i know that [REDACTED] in the s1 finale /:#original post
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sometimes all it takes is noticing one interesting narrative construction to take a film from “it was fine i guess” to “i feel like these guys having terrible, fucked up sex would compliment the themes really well”
#these characters are a sandwich and i am EATING THEM#i was literally just explaining the order of the deaths to my mom and i was like WAIT!!!!!!#i was so excited and have not stopped thinking about it since#honestly? if i love something the first time i watch it i may very well love it forever#BUT if i start out disliking something or finding it underwhelming and then GROW to love it… we are brothers in arms#i feel like i’m never gonna be REALLY crazy about this - but i am enjoying myself#like. they’re already all fundamentally about [redacted] since he killed them all in [redacted]#and someone could write a very fine Master’s thesis about that#but personally i am going to write [redacted] fic about it in my head#thank you and Goodnight!
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SHE WAS DEAD THE WHOLE TIME?!?!?!?!?!
#OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM GONNA KILL THIS BITCH MYSELF#IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS FUCKING GUY MAN I NEED HIM GONE#quinn’s bastard bitchass is lucky i’m not there bc when i tell you i’d kick his ass into the next millennium#I BETTER GET THE AUDIO OF DARLIN FUCKING QUINN UP IDC IDC I NEED IT FOR ME#THERAPY IS EXPENSIVE THE POTENTIAL AUDIO OF DARLIN FUCKING UP QUINN IS FUCKING FREE & I NEED IT ASAP#redacted asmr
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oh my goddddd tv show can you not have an episode about seeing the future i’m sad enough as it fucking is about this stupid ass plot you’ve set up that i knowwwww goes to SHIT. you can’t be bbc merlining me already i trusted you
#post that probably does not obviously give away what show i’m watching but i feel like it does. ok#well i have to post my little posts or i’ll die so. if the show is obvious to you it just means YOURE also a freak who watched it so i don’t#wanna hear any judgement rn.#and don’t try to guess oh my god i’ll kill myself if you tell me you’re detectiving and compiling all the crap i’m saying and you’re gonna#figure it out or whatever this isn’t redacted era this is for real redacted….
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So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.
#ra speaks#personal#watched the most recent quintin reviews vid which like yeah I went in with expectations of the content#and it’s not like I actively avoid stuff that depicts/discusses abuse I’ve been going to therapy long enough to know my most sensitive#triggers and stuff. but…idk something abt when he got to the drake bell section just set me off something fierce.#I’m all nerves and stress and self loathing/misplaced guilt from my own past bullshit#like brain can we please cool it we’ve been over this for years why you freaking the fuck out now? (I mean. logically. I know why#and how trauma works and that I’m just having emotional flashbacks but still. ugh.)#brain please be real niceys to me I have a meeting in an hour we cannot be having a panic attack.#you’re safe you’re good it wasn’t your fault etc etc can we please go back to being an adult more than a decade past all that? please???#survived my meeting so I’m gonna vent abt this a bit more bc. let’s be real.#I don’t rememember a solid 3 years of my adolescence and it fucks w me sometimes.#I remember things before 4th grade. I remember 4th grade. then bam I’m in 8th going to high school. and like#I know logistically what happened. I know emotionally I hated/was so fucking scared of [redacted] until I finally left that fucking school.#it’s just. frustrating bc if I remembered maybe I’d feel more justified letting myself get upset abt it. but I don’t so suck it up buttercup#it probably wasn’t even that bad if you don’t actually remember it so pull it together.#hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life#after meeting [redacted] <- I am not convincing myself unfortunately.
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ran into my ex best friend today. so that sucked.
#like thank god we didn’t actually interact#i was at my college’s scene shop meeting with its head abt a project#and he just happened to be there#but he kept fucking looking at me#fucking infuriating#at least my friend [redacted] was there#even tho we’re at a weird place rn. some of you may have seen. the posts abt that. el oh el.#at the very least she and I aren’t fighting it’s just tense bc she’s dealing with shit and needs space#whatever I’m getting off topic#almost cried in the car on the way home but like. im fucking done crying over that friendship#even though I have to remind myself that every time I think about it I am literally done#it just sucks cause it would be so much easier if he’d been a really shitty friend. but he was BOTH a shitty friend and a really good one#and I didn’t want that friendship to end. even though looking back I think it’s probably for the best that it did#but yeah. felt like a low blow from the universe to be reminded of losing him at the same time im temporarily losing ms redacted#which is a whole other vent post that im not actually gonna make bc I talked it through pretty well with my best-best friend#honestly it was a little poetic#whatever#personal
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Hi love! Backslide is my favorite fic. These two's sexual chemistry is unbelievable! Forgive me for sounding like a middle schooler right now, but do you see Backslide having a happy ending?
Your favorite?! Wow, thank you so much. 😭 I already have a planned ending and it’s really up to you if it’s a happy ending or not. I wanna be more direct about it but then it’d be a spoiler (kind of). <3
#ask emo#backslidefic#i promise i’m still writing the new chapter#i wish i was one of the quick update girlies but i’m not built like that :(#i hate myself so much#truly gonna research how helpful [redacted] hotlines are
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my mother telling me that she wishes i wore more clothes that “fit my body type” and that everything else looks bad on me because i’m fat
#and then she’s like ‘i’m not trying to hurt your feelings i’m just trying to tell you the truth’#but it’s not! because i feel confident in clothes while not necessarily tight fit to my body#and i hate i HATE baggy clothes on myself i feel so unbelievably ugly and huge in them it’s not even funny#so no i’m not gonna wear baggy clothes just cause society says that’s what looks best on bigger people cause for me it’s not true#and stuff that flares out is different because at least there’s structure but a loose dress with no belt#or an oversized shirt that’s not tucked in or twisted on me makes my skin crawl#but apparently i am embarrassing and ugly to my siblings when i where stuff that makes me comfortable :(#eris: text#[redacted]
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