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willowser · 2 years ago

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what do you think would make bakugou's feelings change from a stranger to a lover, if their interactions were small and few in between? what do you think would make bakugou sad?

oh, wow — what questions !! thank you for asking, and buckle up LOL

i want to, of course, preface this all by saying these are my own interpretations and opinions based on how i choose to view bakugou's character:

personally, i have a really difficult time writing strangers to lovers for bkg (personally; i've read certain fics before and had no issues accepting the course of the relationship !) bc i think — and i'm assuming we're talking about adult man bkg, considering this is a romantic situation — at some point in time, he is going to completely understand how others see him, why they see him the way they do. a very large portion of his personality stems from how he was raised, the way he was treated as a child, and even if he eventually knows he's a little obtuse, i think that by then that's just bakugou. it's not going anywhere. it might soften and grow, but he'll never have a different baseline.

and so i view katsuki, in that regard, to be very careful about who he reveals himself to. he knows how he is, how people see him, and he's been met with either hesitation or fear or fury from, like, everyone, and so i find it difficult to imagine him going from strangers to lovers with someone in that regard, because i think he would need trust more than anything in order to feel comfortable exploring any romantic aspect of himself. i view bakugou as someone very nervous and unsure about affection, and so in order to allow himself to show that and receive that from someone, it would take time with him. i think bakugou is a quiet, slooooow burn kind of guy, who would move on from friends to lovers ultimately.

!! BUT !!

i also think it can heavily depend on where bakugou is at in his life at the time this meeting and such interactions take place. again, bc i think bakugou would have to feel comfortable enough to try to engage in a more-than-friendly relationship, it would have to be entirely something he is choosing willingly. he would have to go in eyes wide open and say, this is something that i want to pursue, this is something i am choosing to trust and let myself fall into, and i think it's entirely possible that he could have that desire as an adult.

i actually have a little drabble thing stored away in my drafts that's like, bakugou as someone that actively tries to date and find a partner, and it's the funniest thing to me LOL bc the first image that comes to mind is him in a tie at some speed dating thing and he's just — so uncomfortable lmao and i do not think he would ever do something like that, it's just funny to picture. but — on that note — i don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that one day katsuki decides that he wants to find someone, and so i think if he walked into it willingly, and found someone that seemed trustworthy and understanding, he could definitely tell himself, i don't care, i'm not afraid to do this shit, even if he very much is so.

of course, i also think that certain circumstances can always bring strangers together and i think there's something beautiful in even like the little things; the person who always sits across from you on the bus or is always walking their dog on sunday mornings or who lives in your apartment complex and always comments about the weather whenever you meet in the mail room. i could just be clingy LOL but i like the familiarity of a consistent stranger, if that makes sense, and moving out of that bubble to expand that relationship is like a choice you can't take back. and you have your life or death situations, as well. again, maybe i'm clingy, but — assuming we're talking about pro-hero bakugou here — i would never be able to look at the man that saved my life the same again. i would see him on tv and just associate safety with him, or something. section him off into a different category of stranger that i would trust with my life, bc he's saved it already.

anyway. back to bakugou LOL all this to say: i think it depends on what bakugou wants and what he'll allow in a short amount of time, first and foremost, and i think it depends on the weight given to those small interactions. say, katsuki is checked over by the same paramedic after every fight, and he finds comfort in the fact that this person cares about his well-being, or he runs into the same person at the meat market when he's preparing to cook a large meal, and they can always discuss different marinades or choice cuts. i think he would have to see something in them that would make him want to trust that person, in those far and few interactions, before offering himself up for the taking.

and — whew boy, sad bakugou ? i'll admit, it's a little hard for me to imagine things that might make him sad and sad alone bc, obviously, i imagine bakugou runs everything through an angry blender before he can swallow it down to process any other way.

i think there are very simple things that make him sad, like his heroes aging and getting old — all might, aizawa, his dad, jeanist — losing his friends or the few people he's ever felt close to. people in his life as a pro-hero that he couldn't save. i think he'll always hold guilt about what happened at kamino with all might, how he treated people when he was younger, how he treated izuku; i think reflecting on all these things would make him sad because they are almost all things out of his control. he can't go back and be a nicer kid, he can't go back and not get dynamight-napped by the league, he can't make his heroes any younger, and someone like katsuki is always making the things he wants a reality, that's just what he does, and this isn't something he can attain. so i think that would upset him. consistently. every time he thinks about it, even.

idk if you were going this route at all, but from a romantic perspective — oh, lord, i will sit on this hill until i die: not having a partner would slowly break his heart. every night he'll come home to his nice house and his material things and maybe even his number one ranking and the lights will be off and it will be empty, and as someone that strives to be the best in everything, he would see his lack of a love life as a giant failure. he's not good enough, not patient enough, not kind enough. i have a lot of opinions about katsuki being insecure in this particular regard; not about — again — things he can physically attain or work towards or hold in his hands, no, he's sure of himself there, completely confident, but these softer things. he can't make someone love him, no matter how strong or fast or good he is, that's something they have to choose to do (which reroutes back to my earlier point, about him needing to have that trust that they will choose him again and again), and i think the longer he goes without someone or the more he tries and it doesn't work out, it would really weigh on him as a person.

this is another twisted kind of road, but i think he would obviously have a lot of trauma about all that he's had to go through in his life. let's just — ignore the manga right now LOL bc that's a whole different can of worms — but i think, you know, again, kamino, getting kidnapped, even the sludge villain in the beginning, and just everything else that he has to endure as a child fucking soldier. it's more fear than just explicit sadness, but obviously these things can lead towards depression and the like, so i include those things as well.

gosh, i said so much and feel like i said nothing at all LOL i hope this was somewhat coherent bc i am so tired and it's 1 am anfbska and i hope this was helpful or insightful or whatever you were looking for !! thank you so much for asking, i enjoyed blabbing my mouth like usual 🤗💕🌿 would love to hear your thoughts as well, friend !!

#i hope any of this makes sense #i cannot words #🙃#i really thought i would come back and come back and come back to this in my drafts for days #thinking on it #but i just sat here and couldnt shut up so #have whatever mush this is from inside my brain #edit to say: i have no idea if this is relevant to the question or not but — i love brainstorming and thinking of fun ideas !#so if anyone ever wants to do that i am more than happy to offer outside perspective !#✿ ask willow

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t-lostinworlds · 3 years ago

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helloooo T <333 i wanna make a series and am wondering if you have any tips?? I have like a vague idea of what I'm doing and have the title and a synopsis but not... much. secondly, (😭) I also wanna do what you've done where you write all of it down? like all the chapters? then post ! or maybe write half, then post probably weekly whilst I'm writing the rest kinda thing. much love if you help <333 wondering how you've gone about with your series too 💞💕💗

hello love! <3 and gosh i'll try to be as thorough as possible but my goodness series are a curse of mine bc 98% of the series i've done is either collecting dust in the my WIPs (ahem mob!tom i'm sorry i'll get back to you soon bby i promise laklkas) unfinished, not updated in years, or full stop discontinued so asdfghjkl anyhow i'm gonna put a cut bc i talk a lot and also! i'm gonna put Revenge Is Sweet as an example even though technically that was a bit easier bc its an smau but i basically planned them the same way so spoilers ahead if you haven't read the series asdfghjkl:

so first off, when it comes to series each writer is definitely different but me, i heavily. plan. everything. so i say get a scope of where you want the characters to go and what journey you want to take them. whether it's a start and a very rough middle and end. so long as you know where you're going even if it's not final yet. it's a rough draft. changes will be made in the process but at least you have an idea of the direction you're going so you don't get lost down the line.

most of the time i try and see roughly how many parts i want to make it into. and then as you go through and write, if you feel like you need more parts or need to add something in between some parts then add more parts. that's why for me, i can not do the write as we go thing where i post the first part here and then see where it will take me. bc i want to make each part as cohesive as possible so i need to have at least the basics written down, places, dates, years, events and i can only do that if i have most of the series already planned out from prologue to epilogue.

here's an example on how i basically roughly planned Revenge Is Sweet--

i'll start with the characters where i basically wrote down some personalities to make them different from each other:

p.s. i didn't include oliver bc it basicaly says *asshole* alskaslk i'm kidding but not really. also ignore the asher name lmao that was suppose to be ashton's name but

and as for the parts, when i say vaguely write stuff down, i really mean vaguely write stuff down:

so that's basically what i mean when i say at least get a scope of where you want to go. doesn’t matter if it’s vague, simple or not groundbreaking at all. because then you can come back to it later and tweak some stuff, change some scenes, add more scenes and even some dialogue and such.

as for posting, that really depend on what you’re most comfortable with. if you’re comfortable with posting one part and then writing the next one after then go for it. bc at least now you have an idea on where you’re going so it wouldn’t be too hard as you write.

but for me personally:

i’d rather have at least 80% or like you said, half of the series written down. and by written down i really mean like it needs at least one or two more proof reads simply to polish things up. like Prologue to Part 6 of my mob!tom series are each at least 10k words already and ready to go. because sometimes when i write a series, some parts inspire ideas that are great for another part. for example, i’ll be well underway writing Part 6 but then i get an idea that would improve Part 2 or i’ll add a certain character tick which wouldn’t make sense if they only did it on one part but not at the start. but when i have that part already up and posted then...i can’t do anything to change it anymore.

me as a writer, i am constantly changing and improving and tweaking so if i can hold onto all the parts to improve them as much as i can until i’m happy with it then i will. and i also want to add hints and foreshadowing and all little easter eggs may it be a little dialogue etc.

but also, as i’ve said at the beginning i haven’t finished a series ever. from way back when i was writing for one direction. yes, i’m that much of a fossil with writing alskalk. so for me, having at least most of the series done would guarantee that i have a consistent posting schedule. and i do agree with what you said, posting weekly while you write the other parts so the pressure wouldn’t be too hard on missing updates.

but gosh, i just gave you a full blown essay anon lakslaks but yeah! that’s much of all the tips i can give to you. but also, enjoy it really as cheesy as the sounds. write the series because you want to get lost in it first and foremost. like be in your own world and don’t think about outer circumstances. and then once you’ve had that journey relieve it again when you start posting.

and please! ask any questions you want, my inbox is always open. and i’ll answer them to the best of my abilities.

hope this helped!! <3

#i copy and pasted this on word and bruh how have i managed to babble on for almost 1k words asdfghjkl #anyways! i hope you're series does well love!#much love and good luck!!#**your #see i can't make fun of tom bc i too am illiterate asdfghjkl #answered: anon #answered asks #writing #writing help

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joeys-piano · 4 years ago

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Top 5 Fics of 2020

As 2020 closes and as I’m looking back on what I’ve done this year, there were five stories that stood out to me because of how I felt, what I’ve experienced, and because of what came over me as I was working on the pieces. I picked stories that many of you enjoyed, stories that I think you could discover, and stories that challenge you to think a little differently on what you already know. I felt that was a good balance for what I had in store~

Savor The Moment | 12.4k | Teen

I can say without a doubt that is the best fanfic I’ve written this year: not only is it the longest by far, not only did I draft and revise and edit and rewrite this behemoth during the entire month of August and pretty much babied this thing into the first week of my Fall Semester, not only was I focusing and fleshing out the relationships one of my favorite BSD characters, but I remember how much I struggled with this work and how much I grew after finishing it. If y’all have to know one thing about me, it’s that dialogue and writing children characters are very difficult for me. So to tackle a project that encompasses both and much more -- that’s terrific!

I love how I wrote for Oda in this and how I explored his relationship with the children, with the curry shop owner, and with Dazai. I love how I approached his backstory and bled in some of the elements I enjoyed from the Dark Era light novel into this work. I love the atmosphere, the vibes, the metaphors and all the food descriptions -- there are gorgeous quotes throughout the work and to this day, I still can’t believe that they all came from my head. This was such a good story for me: both in that it helped me grow as a writer and challenged me in my weaker areas and that it was fun to try something new and to expand on the little details I adored from the source material.

If there’s any work of mine that I think best summarizes who I am as a writer, it would have to be this one.

We Only See Each Other at Weddings & Funerals | 5.7k | Teen

There was a time in my life when angst was my bread and butter. However, as I grew older and more cynical towards life in general, I saw myself leaning towards softer and happier ideas. Mostly because they were an escape and a distraction from what was happening to me at the time, and partially because angst isn’t all that great for my heart. But during the beginning of November, something possessed me. I didn’t set out to write a character death or a heavy story; but instead, it just came out of me. And with BEAST as my backdrop and with funerals in my head, it took me about a week to finish this story from draft to end.

In terms of technicalities and skills, this work best represents much of my experience as a writer. You can see it through my syntax and flow, through the concepts and metaphors I was weaving through the plot, through how I handled the head hopping and transitions between Oda and Dazai’s POVs (making sure that they were as smooth as silk for y’all’s reading experience), through how I handled the emotional stakes and the soulmate-ish vibes going on, and through how I described the grief and mourning for what could’ve been and for what came to be.

I’m not that surprised that the response for this fic has been on the lower side compared to my other works, especially since it revolves around character death and heavy themes. But if you really enjoy BEAST and would like an in-depth scene expansion between Oda and Dazai when they met for the last at Bar Lupin, I would definitely recommend this to you.

Tender is the Light | 1.5k | General

Christmas is a polarizing holiday, depending on who you ask, because we’re celebrating the humble birth of a man and are partnering it with consumerism. So already, this day is pretty sus and I couldn’t imagine a better way to spend it this year than to write and gift myself a very cuddly, drarry fanfic. As I mentioned in the author’s notes, I don’t normally write for myself and I especially don’t gift myself a fanfic for holiday purposes. But considering how this year went and how stressed I was and the epiphany I had during this month, the old constraints I had for myself didn’t matter and I just wanted to create something that I knew I would enjoy. That probably sounds selfish and a part of me thinks it is; but honestly, it isn’t because if I wanted to work and create something, it’s got to give me joy too -- I feel.

So you could almost say I was working out some internal things while writing this and was just having fun and didn’t care that there wasn’t really a plot to this entire thing. Since it was a fic for me, I just focused on what made me feel good and happy. And as it turns out, fluffy banters of humor and cuddly introspective smacked a nerve in my heart and I felt renewed every time I came to work on this. This was such a cathartic fic for me to work, and I just had the time of my life focusing on the small things that are like nuggets of gold for me.

Hold Me A Little Closer | 2.6k | Mature

2020 was a year of many things, much of which I won’t mention and much of which we’re still living through. It was also the year I wrote my first, full-fledged smut. Or more accurately, my first genuine attempt at writing smut through my perspective as a biromantic asexual. Since 2018, I’ve been experimenting with how I wanted to portray physical intimacy and every time I scrolled through the Internet or read how others have done it, what I found was that there weren’t many resources or approaches that I felt comfortable with or with writing. Most of what you find out there is pretty much you figure it out on your own, or just looking at what others have done and copying it. Which that in itself comes with its own difficulties, depending on the approach you want to take with your own smut.

So being a discovery writer with my headlights down the path, I decided to write my first smut with an introspective approach + a tad of ace perspective because that’s who I am. I love the concept of emotional intimacy and that was the forefront for this story, accompanying the physical details. Because I knew for myself that odazai was more than just the physical aspect of it, and that both characters enjoy each other in an emotional or thoughtful setting where they can be vulnerable and be themselves and all the juicy bits about that whenever they’re together. And that might be the ace in me talking, but that’s the kind of intimacy I love between characters and the physical aspect is just one medium out of many in how they can convey that.

Personally, I would say this is the story that got me more comfortable writing for odazai. I’ve written for them beforehand in a few other fics, but this is definitely the one where I grew to know and care for them more and it comes through with the writing.

If My Eyes Were to Linger | 1.5k | General

With me talking about the top best fics that I’ve written this year, there’s no way I could conclude this without talking about the first fic I wrote for a new fandom. This story is my first foray into drarry and it comes after weeks of reading all sorts of content from them writers and I wanted to try it too. This harkens back to nine years ago when I wrote my first fanfic: I saw that others were writing stories and I wanted to do it, too. That brief childhood spark was the catalyst I needed when I considered and began jotting out this piece. You can tell through my writing that I’m figuring things out and figuring how I want to approach the individual voices of Draco and Harry.

I should also add that I was nervous as shit while writing this because I was embarking into a fandom where I knew no one in the community and I knew that no one I knew would even follow or read what I was writing. It’s been a long time since I’ve splashed into waters like that and through the help of my friends and talking with them, they helped me carry through and finish writing this piece. That meant a lot to me because for the first time in a long time, I was finally writing for me. I was finally writing a story where I didn’t care so much about how the engagement would be because I already knew there wouldn’t be much because of the circumstances I was in. So without hits or kudoses or really any expectations, I just wrote what I wanted to write and I had a damn good time with reading as I went.

And with the past few drarry fics I’ve written this month, you can feel that the adrenaline and childlike glee that came back to me is still with me. I don’t know how long this energy will last or if it’ll go away and I’ll transition into something else. But what I do know is that there are certain freedoms that come with going into the unknown and rediscovering myself again. And to know that this is for me: more than anything, that means so much.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #oda sakunosuke #dazai osamu #odazai #draco malfoy #harry potter #drarry #fanfic writing #fanfic writer

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captainscanadian · 5 years ago

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Better | Bucky Barnes x Reader (Part 7)

My Masterlist

Summary: You finally decide to open up to your friends, realizing that opening up your heart would definitely make everything better. You knew exactly what you needed to be better.

Word Count: 7170

Pairing: Doctor!Bucky x Doctor!Reader, Doctor!Natasha x Platonic!Reader, Lawyer!Peggy x Platonic!Reader, Doctor!Tony

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Abuse & Alcoholism, Surgery, Organ Donation, IV & Needles, Emotional Distress, Physical Pain, Drugs, Hospital Stay, Homelessness, Anxiety, Betrayal

A/N: After the last few updates, some of you have been very upset with me and I know that. I hope this make all of you happy. <3 Gif is not mine, credits to the respective owner!

Primum non nocere // “First, do no harm”

Though some may say that Latin was a dead language, it was that single Latin phrase which you had always lived by. No one really knew the origins of that phrase. Whether this exact phrase was even mentioned in the original Hippocratic Oath was debatable, but it is commonly believed that the promise “to abstain from doing harm” in the modern version oath itself came from this particular Latin phrase.

As a doctor, you had sworn to uphold the Hippocratic Oath in order to be able to practice medicine. But upholding the oath did not just apply to you practicing medicine alone. It was certainly binding; it was a sacred piece of text to all doctors, nurses and other medical professionals in the world for generations. It applied to the way you lived your life, just as much as it applied to the way you practiced medicine. Perhaps the Hippocratic Oath had been the reason why you were currently in this situation. After all, being a better person had been just as important to you as being a better doctor.

“I will apply, for the benefit of the sick, all measures that are required, avoiding those twin traps of overtreatment and therapeutic nihilism.”

You had firmly believed that it was your duty to apply all measures that are required for the benefit of the sick. That was why you had even volunteered to donate your liver in the first place. Even if he was your abusive father, he was still a patient. This was a measure that only you could have taken, for you were your father’s only offspring. Anyone else may have had a choice in whether they must come forward to donate a piece of their liver to save another life, but as a doctor who had sworn to the Hippocratic Oath, you had been left with no choice. You had to do what you had to do. There was no other option for you than cutting out a piece of your own flesh.

“If it is given me to save a life, all thanks. But it may also be within my power to take a life; this awesome responsibility must be faced with great humbleness and awareness of my own frailty. Above all, I must not play at God.”

It was true. You as a doctor, with your knowledge and the skills that you had acquired from the professors and surgeons before you, did have the power to take a life as much as you had the power to save a life. All it took was one wrong cut, one wrong dosage and one wrong judgement to take a life on your table. But as a physician, you could certainly not do that. You had to uphold the Hippocratic Oath. Did this certain promise to not use your power to take a life or play at God not apply to every other decision you made in your life? You did have the power to take your father’s life had you chosen not to move forward with the transplant. With his position on the list and the wait time for a liver transplant, he certainly would not have made it. But you knew that it was not the right thing to do. You could not violate your oath nor play at God like that. You had to do what was within your power to save his life, not take it.

“I will remember that I remain a member of society, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings, those sound of mind and body as well as the infirm.”

This was your obligation as member of society to your fellow human beings. Your father, regardless of who he was and whatever the issues you had with him, was a fellow human being who deserved to be treated as such.

You had thought that you did the right thing by donating your liver. You had saved his life and it had brought you a sense of relief. You had not brought him harm. You had often wondered if you leaving behind your parents had brought them more harm than good. Had you intentionally did them harm? While you wished that the answer was no, you knew that was certainly not the truth. After all, you had done them harm... though not physically, you had put them in harm’s way by worsening their financial situation. It was only a matter of time before they end up on the streets of Buck’s County, and as someone who’s had to live through that, even if it was for one night, you would not even wish that upon your worst enemy let alone your own parents.

You could not deny that a part of you wanted to fix this for them. You wanted nothing more than to make their lives easy. After all, you had made their lives harder as they had made your life harder as well. Sure, they had abused you. But you could not blame them for their behavior. Losing their business had put a strain on their whole being. While being a child who needed to be provided with food, clothing and shelter was certainly not your fault, you blamed the added stress of providing for a child along with the emotional distress that came with being bankrupt for being their reasons to take it all out on you. Had they been right about doing what they did? No, certainly not. But should you wish that they must continue to be punished for their wrong-doings? Had they not had enough, being hated by an entire town while their own child had fled them? Had they not had enough, with your father drinking away his health and your mother being burdened to be the sole breadwinner of the family? They had had enough. You could not let things get worse for them.

You certainly did have the money. But you also knew that paying off their medical bills would mean that you could no longer afford to keep your make shift clinic running at the local homeless shelter. You had been put in a position where you had to choose between the countless of homeless people who depended on that shelter and your clinic and your own biological family. And what kind of a daughter, let alone human being could you be, if you chose to help those unknown people while your own family might even end up in the streets at this point. This choice was certainly not as easy as the first one.

It had taken a few days for the hospital’s in-house attorney to draft a proper contract upon the request of Dr. James Barnes. But she had done it to the best of her ability, ensuring that by accepting his payment, your parents did agree to never contact you ever again. She had triple-checked that this contract had no loopholes and that you were protected from them, as you should have always been.

She had even informed Dr. Romanoff, Dr. Wilson and Dr. Parker of the situation, for they had been the doctors on your case and needed to know of the current circumstances between you and the recipient of your liver. However, she had only shared the financial aspects and not the emotional ones. After all, she still respected your privacy and decision not to over-share the issues your personal life with anyone else, even if they were your friends.

For the sake of protecting you and this hospital, though she knew that your parents were certainly not smart enough to come after the hospital anyways, she had also informed Dr. Stark of what Dr. Barnes was about to do. There was no reason for the hospital to be involved in this transaction, unless there was an eventual lawsuit, which there would not be. As long as the hospitals bills were paid off, Tony did not object to it. In a way, even he had cared about ensuring that your abusive parents were out of your life. He had even mentioned to Peggy about him paying off the bills out of his own pocket; all it took was a little nudge from the attorney for the Chief of Surgery to understand that this was Bucky’s burden to bear.

“No, he pays them off. She finds out, even though he doesn’t want her to. Then she’ll finally realize that he’s been in love with her all along. She’ll ask him about it. He’ll have no choice but to fess up and they’ll both live happily ever after. Is that not what you want, Tony?” Peggy Carter had asked him, a hint of frustration evident in her voice. As a mother herself, she was disappointed extremely disappointed at what your own parents had done. If she could have done more than just draft a contract in this situation, she would have done it all. Hell, she would have taken their asses to court and ripped them to shreds if you did have a strong case. But you did not and this was the next best thing she could do for you. “Because that’s literally what every single person in this entire fucking hospital wants at this point.”

“Do you really think he’ll fess up though? I made a bet with Pep. She says he will but... I wouldn’t put all of my faith in him.” Tony had remarked with a chuckle.

“This thing’s been going on and on forever. It’s about time it all came to an end.”

“But he doesn’t even want her to know that he’s paying them off. How is she going to find out about it?” He had asked the lawyer, his eyebrow raised at her.

“Do you think I’m an idiot, Tony?” She asked the man as she crossed her arms against her chest. “He can be this selfless, righteous... ‘I just want to protect her even though she doesn’t love me back and I don’t want to put my money down because of my own personal gains’ ... all he wants, but I’m not going to let him do whatever he pleases by now. The bloke’s the godfather of my child and she’s the closest thing Steve’s had to a sister. Those two are going to get together by the end of this thing and I’ll make sure of it.”

“Sounds like you’re meddling, Peggy. Are you a meddler though?” He asked as he feigned a dramatic gasp. “Is this what my father taught you? Meddling? Really? Is that what Howard taught you to do in court? How often do you do this in court anyways? How much have you meddled in the past?”

“Oh get over yourself...” She rolled her eyes at him. “As a matter of fact, your father did... teach me what it means to meddle in certain cases, not that I agreed with him or anything like that. There is a reason why I left his firm all those years ago but that’s not the point. This isn’t a court case, its Bucky and Y/N’s life and I’m going to meddle... the living shit out of it if it means that we’ll get a happy ending. Steve agrees that someone’s got to do something and he knows he’s not the right one to do it either. So, I’m going to meddle and get those two together, even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“I guess I better get ready to lose my bet with Pepper then.”

While Peggy did not completely agree with Bucky’s decision to pay off your parents himself, she knew that this was the only plausible solution to your dilemma. Though there were certain legal actions that could have been taken against your parents, she knew that you would not want to go forward with that. And even if you did make that call and had approached her for legal advice yourself, she would have told you not to do it. After all, the court would have suggested settlement anyways. A case of emotional extortion would not stand in court and knowing of your past, the last thing Peggy would have wanted was for you to relive that trauma in a court room. The court room was a brutal place just as it was and you had suffered enough.

“Are you alright, love?” She asked you as she sat down at the edge of your bed, her hand reaching over to grab yours. “I know you’ve had a rough couple of days but is there anything... anything we could do for you?”

Your eyes glazed over as you shook your head. “No... no, I... I’ll be fine, Peg.” You croaked out. You were still in and out of consciousness, thanks to the pain medications that continued to be pumped into your system. The dosage was controlled, but it made no difference. Even when you were completely knocked out, a part of you still felt the pain. But you could not tell for sure if the pain you had been feeling was physical or emotional. It was blurry...

“Sweetheart, you know you can talk to us about anything... right?” Natasha asked you as she stood by your bedside. To say that a part of her felt slightly frustrated that you had not opened up to her over the years would be an understatement. But she understood that you must have had a valid reason for trusting only a few people. Though she could not deny that she had grown to despise your parents a lot more now that she had found out about their attempt at extorting money from you, she had tried her hardest not to show it when she had to face them. After all, she was still in a conflicted position being your father’s doctor and your friend. She wanted nothing more than for all of this to be done for good. After hearing from Peggy about Bucky’s decision, all she could do was hope that the man would finally come forward and confess his feelings to you. She knew that he did not want to do that but she also knew him. She had known him for years, ever since they were residents. If anything, Dr. James Barnes was good and fixing broken hearts and your broken heart was indeed his to fix. “We’re your friends, Y/N. We’re here for you because we care about you. You know that, right?”

You sniffled as you turned over to look at your general surgeon, though you tried to ignore her words. A part of you wondered if your request might offend her, but it was for the best. You did not want to hurt her as much as you did not want to get yourself hurt again as well. You had a reason to want what you had wanted, so you might as well just ask her already. “Actually... Nat, there is something you could do for me.” You told her with a nervous smile, a sigh escaping your chapped lips as you looked over at her..

The red-headed surgeon perked up at your response. “Sure, what is it? What can I do for you?” Ever since you had first started working it this hospital, Natasha Romanoff had been the one who had constantly approached you in hopes of befriending you. Though her attempts had often failed, she took no offense to that. She had heard from Steve that you were not the kind of person who liked to hang out in a large group of people so she had let it slide until you were ready to accept her friendship.

You could not deny that this woman was extremely forward and perky, much to your dismay at first. It may have taken you a few weeks to warm up to her, thanks to a heart-liver transplant that the two of you had first worked together on. But eventually, you had managed to hang out with her outside of work. You were not one to go out a lot, but when you did, it had always been because you had accepted Natasha’s invite.

Even when it came to her being your father’s doctor, you had requested for her to be yours too. In most transplant cases, the donor and the recipient had different doctors and a whole separate team dedicated to them, working on them separately. But Natasha had been the one you had trusted with your own life. You had asked her to be the one to cut you open and remove your liver and she had made the arrangements to do so. You had trusted her to be your doctor and she was your doctor, a good one at that.

“Can you... can you refer me to... psych?” You asked her as you looked down at your lap. “Preferably with Dr. Rhodes, he already has a file on me and he’s familiar with me... I think I have a lot to talk to him about.”

Dr. Romanoff frowned at your request as she walked up to you, sitting down across from Peggy and taking your other hand in hers. “Y/N, honey...” She let out a sigh and you could have sworn that you saw her eyes glaze over with tears. “I’m not going to pressure you to open up to us. None of what’s been happening to you lately is any of our business. But it breaks my heart that you... that you’d rather share what’s going on with you to a psychiatrist than your own friends. I don’t know what it would take for you to trust us... but we’re all here for you and we’re all worried about you. I just want you to know that we’re not going to leave you hanging. And as your doctor, I’m telling you... you don’t need a psychiatrist. You need a friend. You need a family and you have a god damn family. You have all of us.”

You wanted to believe it. You really did. But you did not know if you should. Someone else had said these exact words to you all those years ago and you had believed her, only to realize how wrong you had been about putting all of your trust in her. She had also said the opposite of these exact words to you to and you had still believed her. For all these years, you had held back from making close friends because you had been terrified to get hurt again, the same way she had hurt you.

Peggy reached over to place her free hand on Nat’s shoulder and turned over to look at you with a frown that matched hers. “Sweetheart, come on... we’re not going to let you go through this alone. Steve’s not going to let you go through this alone. Tony’s not going to let you go through this alone. Barnes... is not going to let you go through this alone.”

You could not deny that your heart skipped a beat when the woman had mentioned his name. Dr. James Barnes had always had a special place in your heart. You knew that you shared a very special bond with him, a bond that was just not the same as what you had or did not have with anyone else at this Brooklyn Hospital. You had met him that night when you had been at one of your lowest points in life; you had been ready to give up on your entire career that night, which had been the one thing that had kept you going up until that point. You would have given up on your whole life had you not met him, for he had told you to aim to be a better surgeon and you had strived to be just that over the years. In a way, he was the reason why you were still alive today.

You remembered the first time you had become acquainted with his name though. It was not when you had first arrived at Brooklyn Hospital. No, it was years before that. You had been a fourth year medical student at NYU Med at that time, meeting with one of your former undergraduate professors for coffee. Though the woman had only taught you in your freshman year, you had kept in touch with her throughout the years of your undergrad and medical school. She had always appreciated having her former students come back to visit her, though you knew that you weren’t the only one who had kept in touch with her over the years.

When you had mentioned that you were planning on becoming a cardiothoracic surgeon following your graduation from NYU Med, she had recalled to you that two of her former students had went on to become successful cardiothoracic surgeons in Brooklyn. All it took was a Google search for you to find out who they were, Dr. Steven Rogers and Dr James Barnes. In a matter of hours, you knew exactly why the two of them were the best heart surgeons in all of New York. You had read every article they had published on the medical journal and watched every video of their surgeries that had been recorded and published for teaching purposes. They really were the best at what they did and you knew that training under one of them was the only way to succeed in your own career.

You had become determined to land a fellowship at Brooklyn Hospital and had worked your butt off during residency to get there. You had made it where you wanted to be. But even then, things did not seem like they were going to get better for you, at least not until you had met Dr. Barnes. He made you want to be better. He made you better.

Over the years, you had gotten to know Bucky as much as you had gotten to know Steve. Aside from having to work closely together, he had been one of the few people whom you had gotten to know outside of work as well. Although that had not been your intention, you could not deny that he had gotten to know you a little more than you would have allowed him to.

Perhaps the turn of recent events had been you realize just how oblivious you had been to your own emotions. But you felt something for that man. You knew you did, even though a part of you knew that he may just be way out of your league and he may not feel the same way about you. You did not have the courage to act on these feelings but you knew that you felt something for him, you had been feeling something for him the moment he had walked into your make shift clinic at the homeless shelter that night.

It may have been his dark jeans and leather jacket that he had been wearing that night. They did make him look extremely attractive. It may have been the way he had come all the way to the shelter after not finding you at home and apologized for the way he had treated you in the OR. He sure had been persistent that night. He had respected you enough to give you a personal apology and no one had ever treated you with such courtesy. It may have been the way he had walked you back home or told you that you were capable of doing better than what life had to offer you. He was a true gentleman though. There was no denying that. But that snowy night in New York, when you had ditched the formalities and gathered the courage to address him by his first name, you had fallen for him. And unbeknownst to you, that same night when you had called him by his first name, your James had fallen for you too.

“Peggy, where’s Barnes?” You asked her as you turned over to look at her, biting down on your chapped bottom lip as you let the tears stream down your face. “He hasn’t come by to see me in the last couple of days. I haven’t seen him since... before my mother... came to see me.” The James Barnes you knew had not dared to leave your bedside since the moment you had first woken up from your surgery. But when you needed him the most, he was nowhere to be found. “I know he was mad at me for... not listening to him and going forward with this transplant. But is... is he...” You could not find the words to say that all you wanted at that moment was his presence, the glint of his bright blue eyes and his genuine smile that always calmed you down. You wanted his hands on top of yours or your head to rest on his shoulders like that day in the supply room almost two weeks ago. All you wanted was James, even if he did not want you. You wanted that clarity that he always brought to you.

“Well... I’m glad you asked about him because I didn’t know how to start that conversation.” The British woman let out a sigh of relief as she gave your hand a squeeze. “He’s... not mad at you, darling. I can tell you that for sure. He’ll never be mad at you. He respects you and your bodily autonomy above anything else. He’s... just been a bit busy with patients, you know... you know how it is. He’s also been... um...” If the woman could just spit out Bucky’s plan and did her meddling as she should, she knew that all would be well. But she was hesitant about sharing this with you, for a part of her was worried about your reaction while another part of her was not willing to break Bucky’s trust. She felt conflicted, even though she knew exactly what she had to do.

“I miss him...” You admitted, a small smile creeping upon your lips. “I miss... him sitting on that chair with a book in his hand and pretending to read it even though he knows I’m awake and watching him. He’ll keep reading until he gets to the end of the page before he turns over to look at me... I miss his smile, the way he always calls me ‘doll’ and... I miss him... scolding me for not wanting anymore pain meds... and grabbing my PCA remote and pushing the button himself because he can’t stand to see me in pain. I miss him watching me doze off. I miss him... placing a kiss on my forehead... when I fall asleep. I was pretty sure I was hallucinating when I first felt him do that but... he did it more that once so I know that actually happened... more than once. I miss... waking up to him... and... he was always there and I felt safe, like I could get through this with him at my bedside. But ever since he left me... things haven’t been getting better and... I don’t know. I miss him.”

Natasha and Peggy looked at each other with wide eyes before quickly looking back to you. “What?” They both said, in unison. They both knew what this meant. You must not have been as oblivious to Bucky’s feelings as they had thought you were. Not to mention that it seemed as though you had felt the same way about them. If they only knew for sure, they would know just how to meddle with things.

You leaned back your head against your pillow as you close your eyes, thinking about everything that had happened to you that had led up to this moment. “Margaret...” You whispered, as though her name had imprinted itself as a curse word in your mind. Saying the name of the woman who had somehow instilled some sort of fear in your heart had been terrifying itself to say the least. But you knew that you had to let her go. It was the only way you could finally allow yourself to open up to anyone. To Natasha and to James.

“What?” Peggy perked up at the sound of her name. You did know that it was her name. Perhaps, she may have been the reason why you believed that not all Margaret’s could be so cruel.

You opened your eyes to look at the woman and shook your head, letting out a sigh. “Margaret. She was my... roommate... at NYU. The first real friend I had... or so I thought. It was strange to me, you know... to find a friend in someone that the housing department had assigned to live with me. But I... I was young, just turned eighteen, finally out of the system, on my own and starting college... I was so excited to have a friend after being alone for... my whole life. I had a whole life ahead of me and... Here was... someone who... who actually gave a shit about me and I was grateful that... I had someone to call my friend, maybe even my found-family.” You could not help the tears that continued to stream down your face, the ping at your heart as you had just opened up the baggage you had been unnecessarily holding onto for years. “You know that feeling that you get when you... think that this person would be there for you throughout your whole life when no one else would? That was her. I thought she would be my best friend for life but... I was wrong about that.”

Natasha was still holding onto your hand as you continued to speak. The thought of you having had a best friend in the past did not surprise her to the slightest. After all, she firmly believed that anyone who met you would genuinely want to be your friend, as she had done so when she had first met you. But she could not help but wonder how this friendship had ended for you, since it had certainly left such a lasting impact on your social life, even after all of these years. Whatever happened between you and this Margaret, it must have caused you a lot of pain. Because if there was one thing that she had just realized, it was that this person was the reason why you had been so closed off; the reason why you had been hesitant to accept her friendship at first. There was one thing that she knew for sure though. Whatever may have happened with you and your former friend, it must not have been your fault. She knew you well enough to know that you would never intentionally even hurt a fly, let alone another human being.

“I mean, we were best friends. We... spent a lot of time together, did things that friends in college... did. She was the one who took me to my first college party, bought me my first drink when I turned twenty-one... she really got me to come out of my shell. And I was willing to do that for her. I was willing to put myself out there for her; I never did that for anyone. I went above and beyond for her... you know... I valued her friendship so much that I was willing to sacrifice... anything for her. No one wanted to be my friend through high school because everyone hated my parents. No one knew my parents in New York, no one cared who they were or what they did... or who I was, really. So, her wanting to be a close friend of mine... I was grateful. I gave up a campus job once in first year because she needed a job; I had two other jobs already so it was fine. I... uh... always did things when she asked me to... like... things that she did around campus. She... had joined a sorority and when she... did these events for them, I would buy myself a ticket and show up because I wanted to support her. Charity fundraisers... I was the first one to donate. I... couldn’t afford it but... being a good friend was more important to me and I would have expected her to do the same for me. I guess... we were close friends, but maybe it was just... me... maybe I was the only one who thought that when she didn’t...? I don’t know how things... even happened. I mean, after a while... she started hanging out with all of her sorority sisters a lot more... ditched me but... I didn’t think much of it at first. You know, I... I’m not an idiot. I did notice that she was spending a lot less time at home, but I really didn’t think much of it. I thought I was overreacting... and I let it slide.” You paused to take a breath. “I didn’t think she was... deliberately trying to distance herself from me. I mean... it was my fault.”

Peggy was listening intently as you spoke, for you had not even told her or Steve about this certain Margaret. But there must have been a reason why you had kept this from them. If you had kept it from them for as long as you had done, it made her wonder why you had chosen to share this with her and Natasha rather than her and Steve. Why now? The problem was your parents, right? So, why were you bringing up your former friend? She wanted to put the puzzle pieces together but she was unable to figure it out on her own.

“I... I always told her everything... everything about me and... What I’d been through, what was going on with me. I mean, she had to live with me... right, so... I know I had a lot of emotional baggage then, still do now but... back then, I was younger and a lot more... vulnerable. The wounds were still fresh. I just needed someone to lean on and she was always there... she didn’t mind it. She always told me that she didn’t... until one night. I remember being in my room, studying for a Biology exam. It was... December... and it was snowing really badly. I could see the snow falling from my bedroom window and... The next thing I knew, I felt like... I don’t know, I had an anxiety attack. I felt like the room was closing in on me and it just... I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking, I was cold... I remember putting a sweater on and just... hiding under my blanket. The heater was on. I tried to warm myself up but... I felt cold, my feet were numb. I panicked and I didn’t know what to do. My first instinct was to grab my phone and call her. She didn’t pick up and... I was... my hands were shaking so much when I texted her. I asked her where she was, she said that she was just leaving class and that she wasn’t coming home that night. I told her that I was... having a panic attack and that I needed help... that it felt like the night... that night in the snow storm... she knew what it meant. I had told her about what happened that night with my mother... so she knew why I was feeling... the way I did. But... just when I needed her the most... just when I thought that... she would... at least try to get me some help...” You felt a sob before wincing in pain and you could have sworn that you had felt a tug at your heartstrings. Margaret was not an easy subject to talk about but she was necessarily. She was the reason why you had given up on finding any sort of companionship in anyone, whether it was a genuine friendship or a romantic relationship.

Dr. Romanoff immediately sprung to her feet, moving over to gently pull you into a side-hug, careful not to mess with the wires and tubes that were still attached to you. Honestly, at this point she could care less about them though. If she did mess them up, she could just put them back in you herself. She knew that you needed a hug and she was going to give you a damn hug.

“The next thing she said to me... the last thing she ever said to me before she moved into her sorority house... she said and I quote, ‘Fuck off, I’m not a qualified therapist,’ and... I kid you not... it hurt like a bitch when she said that. I was shocked... I was... I didn’t know what to do, I... I knew that I’d just lost the one friend I had, I wasn’t sure if... she was the one real friend anymore but... I thought it was my fault. I blamed myself. I had ruined something for myself, I felt like I could never do anything right. Things were finally starting to get better and I had... just fucked it up with her. I just cried myself to sleep that night.” You admitted as you let out another sob, leaning your head gently against the red-headed surgeon’s shoulder as you sobbed.

“Holy shit, what a bitch!” Peggy exclaimed as she stood up to hug you from the other sweetheart. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry... you had to deal with her. You know, none of that is true. You’re...” Even she was at a loss for words as she turned over to look at Natasha and gave her a nod. If was not the right time for you to know just how unconditionally loved really were, she did not know when it would be. You needed to know what Bucky was about to do and she was going to tell you either way.

“I thought she was my friend but... she had hurt me. I never saw her again but... after what happened with her, I just... couldn’t get myself to become friends with anyone. I couldn’t let myself trust someone and... Give my all in a friendship and get nothing in return. To have my feelings be hurt like that... Nat, I didn’t mean to push you away for all these years. I was just terrified... terrified to get close to anyone because... you become close to someone, you tell them everything, do everything for them... one day, they’ll be your best friend and the next day, they’ll tell you to get a therapist.”

“Oh Y/N...” Natasha Romanoff did not utter a she word as she held onto you, her arms wrapped tightly over your shoulder as she gently held you against her body. Her hand stroked through your hair as you continued to sob, and you had felt the weight that you had been holding onto for years start to fade away. “I’m so sorry you had such a terrible friend. I can understand why you would have had such a hard time trusting anyone after what she did, after what your own mother did. People suck, Y/N... I know that for sure. But not all of us can be so terrible. We’re not like that; we won’t ever... judge you or throw you away like that. We are actually in it for life.”

“I’ve been... I’ve been holding myself back from trusting people, from having relationships. I kept believing that I wasn’t worthy of being loved because... I thought no one could love me.”

“Oh honey, you know that’s not true...”

Peggy looked over at Natasha and bit her lip. “No, it’s not... Y/N, I can’t speak for all Margaret’s but I’m sure that not all of us are such devils. I mean, at least I’m not like that and you know that. I would be honored to be your replacement Margaret if you would let me. I... I hope you would let me.”

You gave her a weak smile through the tears. “Yeah, well... you’re a much better Margaret than her, Peggy. But... um... I’m still scared... I.. I want to tell him everything, everything since the very beginning... the night I left Buck’s County, the day I got to New York, Margaret... my parents... the loss of a sense of belonging... a sense of being loved... that I lost years ago... the sense of belonging that I lost when I left home... that I didn’t get back until that night... when I was crying in an on call room and he made me realize... that I did belong in this hospital. He made me better... he makes me better, and I need him right now. I want to be better. I want him. Buck’s County is not my home... it never was, that’s where I left. But Bucky Barnes... James... he wouldn’t tell me to fuck off and get a therapist if I opened up to him and... told him how I really feel about... everything, would he?”

Natasha was in tears when she realized what all of this meant. Things were finally starting to be better for both of her friends and all she could do was hope that they ended well. She pulled back from the hug before wiping away her tears, her hands on his hips as she looked down at you and shook her head. “Fuck, no... of course, not!” She told you as she let out a chuckled. “If he dares to do such a thing, I’ll pull him by his hair and drag his ass through hell myself.”

Peggy Carter let out a sigh of relief as she wiped away her tears, hugging you for a moment longer before she pulled back. “As a matter of fact, he... he’s been thinking about making things better for you long before any one of us did. He... uh... he’s decided to take care of your dad’s medical bills himself. Of course, he didn’t want you to find out what he was going to do because you would have said no. But um... he said he’ll take care of it. He’ll make sure that your parents are well taken care of... financially speaking.”

You reached your hand up to wipe away your tears, a small chuckle escaping your lips. “James was always quite philanthropic. But it makes sense because... he... my clinic received a cheque from an anonymous donor a few years ago. I knew it was him because he... he has a big heart, even though he says he doesn’t. He’s always had a big heart.”

“You knew...? You knew it was him?”

You nodded. “I’ve known all along, Nat. I’ve known everything. I was just dumb enough to believe that I didn’t deserve any of it. But I’ll be doing much better once I see him. I need to see him.”

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #doctor!bucky #marvel x reader #marvel au #tw abuse #tw alchoholism #tw surgery #tw needles #tw pain #tw anxiety #aj writes #better

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captain-of-the-historicfuture · 4 years ago

Note

~hello~ !! For the meta asks!: 3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, and 25 :))

Hello!! Thank you for sending these; I was really excited to see that ask game and I was hoping somebody would send some in. It still took me a while to actually answer them though, and for that I apologise. But without further ado! Some meta answers (under the cut because they ended up being fairly long, whoops):

3. What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (Consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway.)

I thought of a few examples, but they could basically be grouped together under a common theme: whumpy/angsty scenes that were self-indulgent as all heck. The whole self-indulgent aspect often required the characters to be just the teeniest, tiniest bit OOC and/or necessitated rather unrealistic plot circumstances. So it was simply easier to keep such scenes as maladaptive daydreams, rather than trying to think of explanations for the character/plot issues…or exposing myself to judgement for them LOL.

Receiving permission to write/share one such scene anyway is an opportunity I can’t let slip by though. It might be because I’m writing this while running on zero (0) hours of sleep—let’s hear it for insomnia, y’all!—but I suddenly couldn’t remember any of my newer ideas under this category. However, I did recall a one-shot I had started writing a couple of months ago that sort of counts? “Sort of” because I could actually be arsed to write it since I was, ya know, writing it. Only got about six hundred words down though.

…should I share those six hundred words…?

………nahhh. I don’t think I’m quite ready for that yet.

But here’s the gist of it: Coulson and May (because of course it’s Philinda) were married for quite some time before the Attack on New York. But then Coulson DiedTM and then got ResurrectedTM. But gasp of horror, he had to lose his memories of his romantic relationship with May because reasons. (I actually did have some ideas for those reasons but sshhhh this is about me yeeting context and setup.)

The first half of S1 still happens as normal (except MayWard doesn’t happen because??? Vows) and it’s now post-E20 “Nothing Personal”. The morning after (or a morning soon after, whatever) the T.A.H.I.T.I. reveal! May’s mom—who doesn’t know about GH.325 and whom May fed a cover story about Coulson divorcing her or something equally as oof, IDK—shows up at the hotel and starts ripping into Coulson for breaking her daughter’s heart, then dragging her back into the field with her ex-husband (him), then accusing her of terrible things and forcing her away again.

Poor guy’s confused as heck, and so is the team, and soon enough so is Lian. The only one who understands what’s going on is May, and she’s freaking dying off to the side like why is this happening to me and eventually everybody’s like! Explain??? (Was thinking about including something from Coulson like, “Are you still keeping things from me?” Just for that extra smidge of angst, yay!)

So yeah then May gives a, like, two-sentence debriefing that elicits more questions than answers. Coulson decides to take May aside and they have a heart-to-heart. Lots of feelings and angst and hurt/comfort and at some point plenty of kissing too. Just! May hiding her feelings for Coulson’s sake but really magnified, plus some actual apologies and consideration of the grief May’s been through on Coulson’s part.

And uhh yeah that’s basically it I dunno hdsjncjshd. I warned y’all it’s OOC, plot-bendy, and very self-indulgent!

6. What character do you have the most fun writing?

I don’t think I could name a single character for this. I get different things out of taking on different voices, you know? I guess recently I’ve found myself gravitating towards more taciturn and introspective points of view, like JQ from my original novel Rosewood or M. Yisbon from my…other original novel Temple.

Generally, however, I like tackling stories from an outsider’s perspective. That’s why I so rarely write my more “substantial” (serious? demanding? for lack of better words?) projects from the PoV of my “preferred” character. This usually means writing from their love interest’s perspective, but not always. With shorter fanfic, using a more removed/unconventional/niche PoV can be really fun. Like, I once wrote a canon compliant ficlet purely(-ish) about Philinda from Tony Stark’s perspective. That isn’t always sustainable with stories that demand more character development or closer character studies, however, which is why it’s a good thing I like writing drabbles!

9. Are you more of a drabble or a longfic kind of writer? Pantser or plotter? Do you wish you were the other?

My word counts tend to run long, but I usually only write one-shots for fanfic. If I’m even inspired with a novella- or novel-length story idea for a fandom, you already know I’m in deep with them. And if I actually find the motivation to plan and execute that idea? Dangg. That’s only ever happened…twice, maybe thrice, and I’m in a lot of fandoms.

At times, I wish I could go for more of a middle ground ’cause, like, you know what I love to see? An AO3 dashboard with several completed novellas for my ship/character of choice. I mean yes, I hecking love >90k fics, but sometimes I’m in the mood for quick reads…and what am I supposed to do when I burn through all the drabbles and 2k one-shots? (Besides despair and/or reread my faves desperately.) Novellas are basically always safe for me LOL, and I’d hope to be able to give as much as I take.

Ultimately though, I think I’m okay with where I am with regards to that. I wish I could write more in general, but I’d be okay with “writing more” just meaning “writing more one-shots”, ya know? More than okay, really. I have mad respect for fic writers who have, like, a hundred or more one-shots under their belt for this one ship. The fandom ecosystem would be incomplete without them (as well as every other type of writer, but sshhh that’s the type of writer I’m closest to being right now).

I’m definitely a plotter, and I definitely prefer it that way. It’s cool having such a detailed record of my process. I like feeling like a frazzled genius on the brink of a major discovery with all of my different outlines and colour coding and many drafts and various websites.

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

Not exactly. It might be cool if my original works were recognisable in the world, but I don’t think I’d want to be recognisable. As for fanfic, I’d low-key enjoy gaining a place in that fandom’s community as a fic writer. Like someone who gave and got fic gifts from fic writer friends, who participated in challenges and GCs, who received writing prompts on Tumblr, whose name was known for doing a certain trope/genre a bunch of times… Ya know what I mean?

Unlikely to happen when I’m so hecking hesitant to publicly (i.e., outside of AO3) claim credit for my writing, but fjnskfsjhfjs. A writer can dream, right?

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Of those three, tags are the easiest for me, for I have a reliable system for figuring out those.

Next easiest would probably be titles. For fanfiction, I like to use titles that are a quote from the source material. You should have seen all of my old Hamilton fanfic… I was really proud of some of those titles. And I don’t mean, like, whole lines—usually only two to five words. It’s a unique type of wordplay that I just love dabbling in.

And lastly, summaries. Sometimes inspiration strikes me and a snappy and intriguing synopsis just jumps out—one that I’m quietly pleased with—but most of the time I’ll spend way too long trying to think of such a synopsis and eventually just go with whatever I’d come up with so far. And live with my quiet dissatisfaction for the rest of time.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (Plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations...?) Tell us about them!

Typically, no. If I have deleted scenes, I save and publish them separately, but that’s about it. I sometimes think of AUs for my own work and might talk about them in my author’s notes—might even talk about writing them—but I never really do anything with them.

Although…

It’s not uncommon for me to decide a plotline isn’t working for a certain story or to think of an interesting but undoable arc for a certain character, but what I’ll do is make a whole new story for those ideas. Once I’m done developing the original idea and the branched-off one, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell they grew from the same roots. Does that count?

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well as (film, webcomic, animated series, etc.)?

That depends on the story. I’ve actually written stories in other mediums—movie screenplay, musical stageplay, poetry, TV show scripts, play scripts, roleplay—but the novel does tend to be my comfort zone. Sometimes, if I have an idea that I think could work, or would even work better, as another medium, I’ll label it as such in my folder of ideas and decide not to write it as a novel.

Most of the time, my non-book projects are collaborations. I’m working with five different people on six different story ideas: two webcomics, one stage musical, one anime, and two animated TV shows. Little concrete progress has been made in any of those, mind you, but they’re still fun to discuss!

24. Would you say your writing has changed over time?

Absolutely. But I’ve been writing stories since I was five years old, so we would hope so, huh?

I wouldn’t say my writing’s changed completely, though maybe that’s just my insider’s perspective.

25. What part of writing is the most fun?

Oh gosh, I can’t believe you’d make me choose. Writing is just such a wonderful experience for me; I love just about everything to do with it. Admittedly, not all the time, but. Since that barely qualifies as an answer, however, I’ll give you this—

The endings. Not only that intense feeling of rightness when you wrap up that last sentence, but also the moments before. The adrenaline of knowing you’re almost there but you gotta push just a bit more to actually get there. And also the part right after—the real wrap-up, honestly: the revision and the editing. Heavens, I love revising and editing my work.

Which is not to say I don’t like writing it out for the first time, too—there’s nothing quite like seeing your cursor scroll to the next page, like going from a blank expanse to a Oh man, how many more lines are even going to fit on this page?, like watching that page counter tick up another number. However, there’s something cathartic about finally ironing out those problems I had to force myself to stop worrying about earlier because “just finish the first draft dangit”.

I guess that’s not really the end of the writing process, but whatever. Close enough (as fic writers are wont to say).

Another thank-you for these asks, and feel free to come back with more at any time! ;P

Send in fun meta asks for your friendly neighbourhood writer!

#thou canst not then be false to any man #ask game #invictusmaneo #to write and read comes by nature

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onf-headcanons · 4 years ago

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ONF in Demon AU

A/N : Is clearing idea dumps from drafts, this would be the second version of modern AU

Hi, does anyone remember the idea of illegitimate child of Satan from here and a random Lucifer!Hyojin moodboard here?

ALSO YOU TOTALLY CAN IMAGINE THIS IN A REVERSE WAY, ANGEL AU (where reader is a reincarnation version fragment of Archangel but this one idea dump/establishment will be done for another day)

ALSO you can totally imagine it as deity AU, example that you are Zeus reincarnation but you awaken late and you need to stop Kronos for his rampage. Or even you are Odin and you need to stop Modern version Ragnarok this time. And ONF members could be tie with other Greek/Roman gods. This one will be fun should OH MY GIRL and B1A4 are tied in too. Its just idea I am not sure if I will expand this. But discussions are welcome

(There is no harm to think it as late Victorian or any other era you like, it is just I felt it is better to write in a familiar timeline as I dont want to do something wrong)

So below are just a few establishment for the AU, I am not gonna divide this into 2 scenarios so warning this is going to be long post.

Ok even though I did mentioned illegitimate or forgotten child. This is plausible for your family comes from bloodline that related to demonXhuman ancestors.

Also it truly depends on you. Making into a throne inheritance war or

Reader come of age and their soul are reincarnated royal demon (not neccesary Satan) so there are some demons/demoness guarding you from you are still a child (kinda like those 2 characters from Good omens or Maleficent)

for the above idea, readers magical heritage only awaken once they pass a certain birthday 16, 18 or 20 or 21, up to you. So you suddenly can see mythical creatures.

It could be your bloodline awakened but you are not that qualified to ascend throne or because of your human blood you cannot hide yourself from angel/demon hunter so you have your own demon guardians

Lets say you are imagining on something big world building, again derived from the establishment for familiar au, it is definitely plausible for you to have other "candidates" and they have their demonic godparents/guardians as well

Example, should you go for inheritance war type, maybe you have a distant related sibling(s). It will be fun if you, have ONF members as your guardians while your sibling(s) have other kpop groups. Presumably to name, Dreamcatcher, ONEUS, ATEEZ, PENTAGON or ASTRO... in short its totally flexible.

To add, (and this is an idea i use to draft for fake pilot episode for a homework I worked), you could tally idols and number of idols you wanna integrate into the story to "Lesser Ley of Solomon", linking your bloodline towith King Solomon (*disclaimer, loosely based mythically). 72 demons, how many demons for 1 person is totally depend on you. Whether number of demons/demoness one have on their side equals to their power/ability (or even how many support they obtain) is up to you.

(and disclaimer I am not Christian this is just an idea dump so dont start cultural bashing. again this ia just an idea dump and I am not planning to touch sensitive issues yet.)

Ok enough world building, lets move to story wise.

You could be growing in orphanage it adds more mystery of your bloodline/heritage or similar to the familiar au, living with your family but your family later died on accident. Your parents bloodline combine making you are the perfect vessel for the reincarnation or maybe its a tradition like every 100 hundred years you will reincarnate or something. Again its flexible.

The moment you realize you are seeing things was you noticed similar aura of each person appeared on similar day. You might not get to see who is watching before you actually confronted to the air that you will contact the police

You might really go file a report but after several times the police be like dear there is no a single soul stalking you tho

then out of depressed, you accidentally get yourself into accident and your demon guardian shows up.

Or, because you started to able to see mythical creatures. Mythical creatures starts to notice your existence as well. And that somewhat gives off your location to other candidates through gossiping (should this is inheritance war type of story). Then your guardian show up to protect you when you are attacked by rival sibling’s demons.

Could be you visited some witch to get your ability to see mythical creatures covered up? Recommended by a friendly non related sibling or a friend you made/could be angel?

You thought you only got one but it surprised you that you actually got 7 (later 6)

As this was different from summoning because they are guardians either assigned or volunteered. There is no need for you to provide them anything. And different from familiar au, there is no need to leave them in your home. To ensure your safety they must follow you 247

For now I would be thinking our boys actually guards you in a daily shift. Example, Hyojin on Monday, Changyoon on Tuesday, Seungjun on Wednesday, Jaeyoung on Thursday, Minkyun on Friday, Yuto on Saturday, Minseok on Sunday. (after Minseok departs, the other members rotate themselves to do the Sunday shift)

Since their shift are like that, you sometimes take chance to hangout with them. Eating out with Hyojin, Arcades with Yuto. mostly happens Sunday.

I am thinking it might be fun which your predecessors of the throne are very eager to get the throne, you are just trying to keep out of trouble. So in another way, demon ONFs get to experience the modern human world in a more chill way, it was not just guarding you, but also trying to experience human world. You could like summon them?/keep them by your side just like a normal sibling (Especially if you are the type that grow up alone without any siblings)'

Cues in ONF members actually understand your preference and remembers them very well. So you could not help relying on them as days pass by.

You are defo gonna get an ultimate rival and a friend that shares the same circumstances as you. Maybe the first rival sibling ends up being your friend after they know you are not intending to compete. But there are some rivals are more aggressive out there.

Could be you knew a few demon hunters but they know you meant no harm and then they just let you go

It will be more fun if existences of your kind triggers inner civil war between demon hunters/angels. Because there is also some distant “siblings” of yours wish to live their live quietly but some parties does not agree of letting your kind roaming free and feeling the bloodline must end.

Should you are the type to compete for your birthright (because you are too irritated of people keep coming to kill you non stop). They are happy to serve you till the end as you embracing your darker side. (Well I am not sure to give ONF members and reader loveline here so I will not talk about it for now)For this version, to explain Minseok’s departure , I would prefer that Minseok is back at hell to be your team’s spy, monitoring all political moves and changes.There are still bottom line morality, you are not really slaughtering your way through. But you do make sure the other party wont come to look for trouble anymore.They are going to train you to make sure you are ready. Fighting in physical and magic.That friendly sibling joins on training you too.

You are definitely getting strict critiques from Hyojin and Seungjun during the beginning of your training.

My preferences, you get a friendly sibling(s) where their demon guardians end up being BFF with yours. (RTK and MIXNINE side effect, sorry)

Characterization should be the same as those I have established from the familiar au. Just the world building and some settings that are slightly different.

Hyojin is to keep the trait of his preference on human food

Changyoon is to keep his nagging trait

Seungjun might help you with studies (not solidify him as a nerd but there is tendency that he will)

Jaeyoung is more to the body guard type

Minkyun defo gonna make friends with stray animals (either you house ends up becoming pet shelter, you becoming a foster mom for animals or you cannot keep any because you are allergic but mental supporting Minkyun is up to you)

Yuto definitely is the quiet but alert type same goes with Minseok

My preference stereotype for them would be the cinnamon rolls that would kill

Sometimes they might go.. “ I am a known demon back in hell but why I am doing this babysitting shit?”

But then ends up enjoying stuffs human does lol

Changyoon enjoying TikTok lol, they got famous because of their contents.

Defo gonna have movie night.

It will be funny if ONFs as demons themselves, got scared at the monsters/ghosts seen in horror movies. Bonus if you actually not scared of horror movies. And they are gonna question you out of disbelief like why the hell are you not scared? How can you not even flinch a single bit?

Reason : monsters and ghosts imagined by human beings do not look the same based on their knowledge.

They sometimes show themselves to other humans but rarely. Mostly just being the unseen follower behind you.

Cues in sometimes they forgot they are invisible, and picks up something from the mart and it gave people a fright. Example, Changyoon or Minkyun passes through a nice outfit and just took the hanged outfit out to place in front of himself, only to realise what he did after looking into a mirror nearby

Hmm my thoughts, Jaeyoung and Minseok would be the ones who would always their visiblity when you are out with them.

Hyojin and Changyoon would be the ones who prefer to keep their invisibility

Copying from familiar au, should you attend college or university, people might thought some members of demon!ONF are your boyfriend.

At first when they changed pattern starts to live close to you, they could not get the concepts of moral of human being well. You will be guiding them.

Could happen that you are so pissed off by someone at work and you could not help but ranting when you are at home.

(Of course the demon!ONF on that day saw what happened but you did insist on them to not do anything)

They might go like : “ Should I kill them for you?”

You : “What?”

Random ONF member : “I can do it to make look like an accident you know.”

You : “OMG NO”

You : “You know maybe you can try to mend things when they are trying to frame me on purpose.”

Random ONF member : “Gotcha”

For the you are not competing scenario, they would be always keeping you safe from harm until you died. Should you get married, you let them participated as relatives/friends. Cues in they even help you take care of your child later on. It could be even fun if you child does not inherit bloodline but they can see ONF members

I will stop here will write another post should i have more ideas to add.

Welp of course for a third option scenario, would be you being a supporter the friendly sibling of yours. You just wanna stay safe so you acted like an advisor role for that candidate, helping them to gain power but not participating directly. Like I said its flexible

For this one I would like to write it as you are just trying to chill with your quiet life but demon hunter, angels and aggressive candidates keeping coming at you.

Also for this one I would link to the point of unfavorable and forgotten child part.

Less favourable child gets assigned with less powerful or less aggressive demons

So for this story ONF aren't high class fighter demons at all. But they do excel in magics.

In opposite, you could the one who knows how to fight maybe because you are quite rebellious in personality.

The moment you found out there 3 parties wanna kill you and innocent less aggressive candidates, you snapped.

Maybe some candidates heard of your friendly sibling name and they rushed over to seek help. End up bump into you instead.

You : what kind of dad is *your biological demon dad name*?"

Cues in Demon ONF keep calming you down because they are afraid that rumours of you belittling your demon father might make their king angry

But you have your attitude and no shit is given. Because you understand that your life your destiny is in your own hands.

You : I wanted a peaceful life alone but now I have to deal with Angels, hunters and a bunch of siblings that I never met , never knew about each other, who all wants me dead.

You : its not fair.

To end it once and for all, you suggested to the friendly sibling to find other candidates that do not have any intentions to compete for throne. Form allies with them so that later own they could get votes for the throne and the rest of the gang could get a decorative chill title while living a peaceful life

Also suggested to the sibling of yours make use of the allies to protect less aggressive candidates

It worked politically. As most of the candidates work on slaughtering others to cut secure birthright, your ideal and policy of strengthen inner then tackle threat gain more favour. Finally your sibling gets the throne.

And you and your other members of allies might get duke duchess or something

This version of story would have and need slot of mind games. Political games as well. (Will be interesting to write but there will waaaaaay too much characters to take note.)

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kabane52 · 4 years ago

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An Introduction to Christian Faith: God’s Existence and Identity

This is a draft of something which may or may not, after many revisions, become part of a full-length apologetic introduction to Christianity. I’ve written it at my leisure in bursts. I figured it was probably worth it to upload it here. My intention is to unfold the central concepts in the Christian interpretation of the world while making a positive case for thinking that it is indeed the most plausible interpretation of Reality.

God’s Existence

How many numbers are there? You know the answer: there are an infinite number of numbers. No matter how high you count, you can always add one. Very well- perhaps you can tell me where in space I can find this infinite set and how I might see and hear it. Immediately one recognizes the folly of such a request: no number can be seen or described in spatial terms. And what would a world with different mathematical rules look like? What if two plus two came to five? Again, one almost instantly perceives the impossibility of the proposed circumstance. Numbers aren’t the sort of thing which could be other than they are. So we have on our hands a sort of thing which cannot be seen, heard, or felt. It cannot be located in space or remembered in time. They cannot be limited or changed, but are what they are by utter necessity and with perfect certainty- to prove a numerical proposition is not a game of probabilities.

At this point, I hope you have begun to see what many philosophers, theologians, and even scientists have seen. We are not simply considering numbers – we are describing the classical attributes of God- One who is infinite, incorporeal, timeless, and is who He is by necessity- that is to say, He does not change. The similarities don’t end here. Without numbers, one could not live one’s life- nearly everything one does presupposes them in one way or another. One’s day is measured in discrete units of time. One eats a certain number of meals and walks a certain number of steps. One has a certain amount of money, and that money can purchase a certain number of goods. The moon is a particular number of miles away, and its position relative to the earth correlates with the oceanic tides in a mathematically regular way. In other words, nothing makes sense without numbers.

This is the classical conception of the divine nature as well.

Among orthodox Christians, Jews, and Muslims, God is not best understood as a discrete being which is just one of many things on our list of “things that exist.” It is not that we all agree that people, plants, and planets exist, but theists add another being on top of them. What theists believe everything else is, at its most basic level, is a derivative of God. People, plants, and planets only exist within God and depend in their natures and relationships on those qualities which exist infinitely and perfectly in the mind of God. God’s existence is like the existence of numbers: they are present in all things and are presupposed in every word spoken about anything. This is why it is false to say that believers have a burden of proof from which the unbeliever is free. Both the believer and unbeliever make a positive claim. The unbeliever sees the cosmos as self-perpetuating and existing in and of itself. The believer sees the cosmos as perpetuated and sustained at every moment by the infinite God, existing not of itself but contingently- it doesn’t have to exist. It is not a matter of one person making a positive claim for which another sees no evidence. Either option demands a positive claim about reality.

The connection between numbers and God runs deeper. Indeed, it should be obvious that my description of God does not allow numbers to simply exist alongside Him. God is infinite and suffuses all things. Numbers exist because of that infinity- they exist as ideas perfectly and timelessly present in the mind of God. And it is with this recognition that the mathematical structure of the world begins to make intuitive sense. Everything we know about the universe indicates that it does not have to exist. It’s perfectly conceivable to imagine a situation where nothing existed at all. After all, if the universe needed to exist, everything about it would need to exist. Otherwise, we have only pushed the question one step backwards- if there is anything in the world that doesn’t need to be the way it is, one must explain how it came to be the way that it is. But the fact that things change proves this idea to be false. If the universe must exist and must exist in the exact way it exists, then nothing about it could change- that would be as ludicrous as saying that two plus two might as well be seventy-three. This possibility presses the question upon every thinking person: why is there a world which might not be or which might exist differently?

So we have a world- a world which is only intelligible through timeless, spaceless, infinite numbers- which does not have to exist. Obviously, these numbers cannot cause it to be the way it is- or else it would exist just as necessarily as the numbers themselves do, since numbers cannot change. This is why philosophers of the great monotheistic traditions have always held God to be the only conceivable explanation for the world’s existence. Unlike numbers (when considered in themselves), God is personal. It is only a personal being who could make choices one way or another. If the world does not need to exist, why does it? The natural answer is that its existence was chosen by One who had the capacity to choose- and that demands that the One be personal, for only persons can make choices. Numbers are ideas, and ideas exist only in minds. Since there is an infinity of numbers, the only mind “large enough” to hold them is an infinite Mind.

What all of this adds up to is the reality that basic, simple truths which we assume in our day to day lives end up demanding- when their proper meaning is reflected upon carefully- that God in the classical sense is a real being. Or, put more precisely, He is Being itself, the Existent One in whom all other existent things find their source and continued reality.

That is God in the classical sense.

What Hath Abraham’s God to do with Aristotle’s?

“But why”, some ask, “should I think that this ‘God of the philosophers’ has anything at all to do with religious conceptions of God?” After all, there were and are believers in God who are entirely nonreligious- not by an inconsistency, but by their system of thought. Even if one takes the infinite God described above as the ground of all being, what possible reason would we have to expect that he has any interest in a creature like man? Next to Infinity, it is sometimes suggested, we are essentially nothing at all- and it is foolish to expect an infinite being to have any concern for us. To provide a sound answer to this argument, one must first recognize that it is less an argument and more an intuition. An argument is predicated upon a logically valid inference, whether that inference is deductively certain or inductively probable. But what is the inference being suggested above, and how does it follow? The key premises of this implied argument are left unstated. For example, there is the unstated assumption that the kind of interest one being is expected to show to another is proportional to their relative size, strength, or intelligence. Yet, upon what basis do we make this assumption? When the strong disregard or bully the weak, we do not regard this as praiseworthy. Man nearly always takes such a tendency as a defect. By the same token, the wiser and more intelligent are almost always expected to use their gifts for the good of all, whether intelligent or not.

Christians hold this outlook to have its basis in what is really good and right. And since perfect goodness and justice is an essential component of nearly all religious conceptions of God, it would be circular to argue against this concept by assuming what it denies. That the God of Christianity is intimately concerned with those who before Him are as nothing is not an argument against Christian theism, but one of its great emphases.

I believe, however, we can go even further than this. Not only is the philosophical concept of God compatible with the Christian notion of God, we have excellent grounds to expect that this God has something to say to mankind. The real surprise, I suggest, would not be if the Infinite spoke to the human creature, but if He did not. Consider what we have just done. We have surveyed a series of logical deductions which ought to tell us something about the nature of Reality. Human beings have been doing this kind of thing for millennia. When the physicist wishes to express precisely the relationships that stars have with each other, he does so with a series of mathematical equations. If he wants to express the behavior of subatomic particles, he again does so with a series of mathematical equations. It is true that man is very small in spatial terms when considered relative to the universe as a whole- and contrary to the popular myth, so did the ancient Greeks. But in another sense, the mind of man expands to the size of the whole cosmos. Try to teach a fish cosmology or the laws of logic. The task wouldn’t be hard- it would be impossible. You could take the smartest fish to have ever lived and give him the best lessons anyone had ever taught. You could give him these lessons every day for one-hundred thousand years. On the last day, the fish would be no closer to understanding differential equations on the day you started.

Why is this? It’s because the difference between the human mind and that of a fish isn’t about degrees of competence. It would be a category error to say that we are “one-hundred” times smarter than a fish and “thirty times” as smart as a dog. The kinds of intelligence are as different from one another as seeing is different from hearing. Trying to teach the fish cosmology is like trying to train the human eye to hear birdsong. It cannot be done because the capacity to reason is not reducible to brainpower or practice. To reason is not to have a cleverer mind than a fish, but a different sort of mind. Think about it this way. When we spoke about numbers above, you understood that I wasn’t talking about a number of something. I wasn’t talking about an infinite number of stars, or five-thousand chairs, or two arms. We experience numbers in a concrete way when they describe particular things. But to say I own two television sets is not to say that I own the number two. You understood what I meant when I spoke of the number itself as an abstract category of being with its own qualities, a being which creates the possibility for its concrete realization in particular things without creating the necessity of it.

The same principle applies to countless other subjects. When you look into heaven after dawn, what do you see? A blue sky, a golden sun, and red birds. We experience sensibly blue, gold, and red as they exist as properties of beings which exist concretely. But we all know that isn’t the end of the story- to see a red cardinal is not to see redness itself. Having experienced something which is red, we can contemplate the idea of red in itself. Red in itself is an idea – it is something which exists as a concept in the mind. Or, as Plato would say, it is a form. This distinction is why there are pure mathematicians and not just mathematical physicists. Pure mathematicians study numbers solely according to their properties as ideas. There are more numbers than there are particles in the universe. Numbers make things what they are, but before they describe anything in particular, they exist formally, in mind. Pure mathematics comes before mathematical physics and is- by its very nature- infinitely more vast than mathematical physics.

Mathematics describes the qualities which make countless things what they are. We can only make sense of the world because we have the capacity to assess and understand things not merely as expressed to our senses but also in themselves as ideal forms or abstractions. So far as we know, human beings are the only beings in the universe who can do this. And this has everything to do with how we might expect God to relate to humankind. You see, the “God of the philosophers” described above is the One who contemplates all truths- every number, being what it is, has always existed in His Mind- that’s why there are numbers in the first place. All colors we can see- and countless colors we have never seen and lack words for- are subjects of His divine thought, known completely and wholly according to their particular set of qualities. According to what we’ve argued above, He made the universe by making something which did not have to exist and which exists with a sophisticated set of qualities, mathematical relationships, and behaviors drawn from the infinite wellspring of qualities that could be made into specific stuff.

And among all the creatures that we know anything about, we’re the only one who can make sense of those mathematical relationships. We can write out beautiful mathematics that not only describes the way the world is, but the way the world could have been. Our senses perceive ten chairs and two tables: our reason draws from this the idea of the numbers ten and two. Wholly apart from the chairs and tables, we reason that ten is the result of adding two and eight.

In other words- and this is of immense importance- humankind has capacities and qualities which make it – relatively or absolutely- unique among the countless physical beings- animal, plant, star, moon- that we have studied.[1] But we do share this unique set of qualities with one more Being- the very God whose existence and properties were deduced above by philosophical reasoning.

The God of the philosophers, therefore, shares a great deal with man that He does not share with any other physical being of which we are aware. We exist in a peculiar likeness to God. The Bible describes this peculiar relationship as man’s being fashioned in the “Image of God.” But I emphasize here that the fact of this likeness requires no special appeal to scripture. It can be known simply by reflection on certain aspects of philosophy. Does this prove that God has communicated with man (in a way other than man experiencing the existence of things)? Does it prove He has anything special to say to man? No, it doesn’t prove it in the sense of making it a perfect, logically necessary inference. But it does give us very good reason to expect that the God about whose existence we have learned from philosophy is and has been interested in a special relationship with the human family. The universe which He thought up and knows perfectly- the universe which He is even now holding in existence- contains a very unique creature who can think God’s thoughts after Him and, like God, fashion things into new sorts of existence.

If one had learned of this sort of God for the first time, the most reasonable question he would immediately turn to is whether this God with whom we share so much has ever talked to us. It’s possible that He never has, but it would certainly be a great surprise given the special status we have in relation to Him. Now let us say that this person had never learned about the traditions and thought-systems of the human race, and was considering these questions for the first time. Having asked = whether God had communicated with the human race, and having some reason to expect that He had, he discovers that more than half of the human population declares that an infinite and all-sovereign being who both made and sustains the world had spoken to human beings and made Himself known. When the inquirer finds that such an enormous portion of the human population speaks of this God, he will have very strong reasons to give the memory of that revelation the most serious consideration. After all, if God wished to communicate with the human race and did so, one might expect such revelation to have had some success. That the God of Abraham is the subject of devotion for half the human race – in light of the expectations of God derived from philosophical reasoning- makes Him the likeliest candidate (all things being equal) for that God as He has been made known by direct commerce with the human race.

None of this proves that God talked to the human race. Nor does it prove that if God did talk to man, He did so as the God of Abraham. But if God exists and has made Himself known to the human race, we would very much expect something like the situation in which we find ourselves- with the real revelation being the most famous of all stories told of His self-disclosure.[2]

God in Christianity

But Christians say a great deal more about God. Religious monotheists say that God is all-good. Most say- when the word is properly defined- that God is all-loving. But thinking through these attributes reveals that we really aren’t saying anything very distinct from what has already been said about the infinity of God’s existence. To say that a thing is “good” is to say that it is how it ought to be. And a thing has be-ing because it has been given it from God. Naturally, then, God is all-good, for the way in which we use the word “goodness” refers to its being what it is supposed to be- being which it has at every moment from God. To say that God is all-loving is to take us into the next major point: the cardinal emphasis of Christian theism. God is Trinity, One as well as Three.

Christianity has always been recognized as a bit odd for its profession of God in Trinity. Many critics have summarily dismissed it as an obvious contradiction. Even ancient Greek “pagans” such as Porphyry criticized its apparent waffling on monotheism. At face value, these arguments seem extremely plausible - I just made the claim above that two plus two must always be four, and could never be any different. How then can I make the claim that one plus one plus one equals One? The answer is simple: I would never think of making such a ridiculous claim, and nor would theologically educated Christians. The theology of the Trinity has never entailed anything like this. To say that God exists in Trinity is indeed to say that He is both One and Three, but His Oneness and Threeness are not meant in the same sense. God is One as well as Three, but He is Three in a different way than He is One.

Recall that everything which exists does so by participation- in one mode or another – in God. The cosmos does not exist alongside God, but “in God” insofar as it is perpetually sustained by the free activity of its Creator. The redness of the finest ruby and the green of the most precious emerald exists in these particular things because these qualities have existed in the mind of God from all time- He who contemplates all perfections and has in Himself all possibilities. In other words, He could have created any world that He wanted. Moreover, since we see that the world does not have to exist, but is in a state of flux and development[3]. Putting these realities together leads us to the obvious conclusion that God did not need to make a world, but is fully and perfectly Himself even apart from any possible world He fashions. No quality in creation can have its ultimate source in the creature.

But here we come to a serious difficulty. For the very feature which permits there to be a world in the first place is the fundamental relation between things. God is not identical to the cosmos, but is constantly in creative dialogue with the cosmos. When we look at the structure of the world, we find that mutuality and complementarity is arguably its most pervasive feature. A galaxy finds its proper context in the larger galactic cluster, but the galactic cluster depends on that galaxy in granting it its unique qualities. I, as a distinct subject, am in the world- the world is my home, my dwelling place, the necessary context for my life as a distinct human creature. And yet the world is also in me- I am made up of “world-stuff” which I take in and process from foods. I live in a water-drenched world just as water makes up a large part of my body. My relationship with the cosmos around me is one of constant mutuality, exchange, and dialogue. I make the world what it is, the world makes me what I am. Examples could easily be multiplied: it is only in light of the past that the present is the present. And it is only in light of the present that the future is the future. Each aspect of time makes the other two aspects what they are, and each is made what it is by the other two aspects of time.

This structure- mutuality, dialogue, interplay, and relation – lies near the heart of what it means for anything to exist. And yet, for the simple monotheist, it is relation which is precisely what does not exist prior to the creation of the world. God, being God, is only One, and lacks another subject with whom He is related. This leads to the conclusion that God and cosmos mutually necessitate each other- and there were indeed many in the classical metaphysical tradition who took that path. But this path is, in the end, just as dead as naturalism. The change and flux and development which defines our world is exactly what cannot exist if it is in a mutually necessary relationship with God. For God’s existence is as necessary as that of numbers- He can no more not exist than can two equal three. And if God, being what He is, produces the creation as a necessary result, then the cosmos is equally necessary- and thus equally changeless. Perhaps one might counter that the existence of the cosmos is necessary but its particular qualities fluctuate. This simply will not do- necessity is not something which can merely be predicated of a thing without reason. If the cosmos is necessary, it is only because qualities internal to the definition of “cosmos” render its existence intrinsically necessary. Any contingent quality is as good, philosophically speaking, as a contingent cosmos.

This question- that of the relationship of One to Many, of unity to plenitude, of identity to diversity- has been the subject of philosophical reflection at least since the period of classical antiquity. Conventional approaches can usually be classified as reductionist or nominalist. Reductionists emphasize the unity inherent in the world, interpreting distinctions in things as variant manifestations of what is really a single primordial element. This was a popular approach among the pre-Socratics, though different philosophers argued for different “primordial elements”- some thought all things were ultimately a variation on fire, others thought all things were reducible to water, and so on. The other approach, that of nominalism, tends to emphasize distinction and diversity as the ultimate principle of being. In this approach, different things are different from each other on an ultimate level, without being qualified by an underlying unity. If one sees two yellow flowers, the nominalist would argue that there is no single quality known as “yellowness” really manifest in two different flowers. Instead, the two objects are irreducibly different in each of their particulars. The yellowness of one is utterly different than the yellowness of the other.

It is not my intention to explore the history of this question in great detail, and the positions I have summarized above have been articulated with far more precision and subtlety than can be done justice to in a few paragraphs. My intent is rather to call your attention to the existence of the question. Surely, a cogent interpretation of the world demands that we do justice both to unity and distinction without abandoning either. And if it is true, as argued above, that God is the ultimate source and ground of all being, all creatures having their source in ideas in the divine Intellect, then the one and the many must have some basis in the life of God Himself.

This is the philosophical backdrop for the Christian doctrine of the Trinity. Far from reflecting the incoherence and triviality that some think characteristic of theology (i.e. “how many angels can dance on the head of a pin”), the theology of the Trinity turns out to have deep relevance to the most ancient metaphysical conundrums and ubiquitous features of the world and daily existence.

[1] How do we distinguish a creature with these capacities from one without them? How do we know, in other words, that this isn’t true for a bumblebee or rosebush? Well, there are two answers. First, the capacity to apprehend qualities in themselves and not merely particular things having those qualities is expressed in complex language. Take the word “blue.” The formation of the linguistic sign (or token) is made out of four letters in the English alphabet, one syllable when said aloud. But this is not at all the same thing as giving the meaning of the word. There is a quality, visual sensation which we experience when looking at the sky on a cloudless day or on certain sorts of flowers- and it is that quality which is the meaning of the word. The word itself is a symbol pointing to that which is symbolized, and the capacity to make that distinction between the nature of the word’s formation and the actual meaning of the word constitutes the essential character of rationality and language . Language separates the rational and the irrational because it requires on the part of both speaker and hearer a capacity to see the universal concepts being pointed to by the form of a word. If I write the same word twice on a piece of paper, those two instances are in one sense utterly different from each other: they are separated in space, they were written at different moments in time, and the material which makes up the physical markings is not the same. If all we knew were particulars and not universals, there would be no way that one could begin to understand the reality that two instances of one symbol point towards an identical concept.

But there’s a second aspect to this answer. Perhaps, one might argue, the bumblebee and rosebush do have this very linguistic and communicative capacity, but the mode in which it is realized is so profoundly different than ours that we do not recognize it as such. Even if this is not likely, I confess that it is possible. What are we left with? Well, since we are dealing with the claim of a likeness between the God of the philosophers and the rational, speaking creature, it is important to notice the kind of likeness that it is. The likeness is precisely the capacity to be communicative, to engage in mutual understanding through the contemplation of identical forms. And so even if we hold that all creatures embody a kind of rational will and capacity to reason, this would lead us all the more to expect a divine initiative in facilitating the dialogue which, after all, is the purpose of communication. It would merely be that the audience of prophetic revelation would include, in its own way, the bumblebee and rosebush. In the end, then I think we find ourselves in the same place.

[2] Some might think that this is sleight of hand- surely it’s not sensible to lump Christianity, Judaism, and Islam together in this context when the very same author is about to insist that Christianity alone provides the proper description of divine realities. Here is why I disagree- countless naturalists speak as if they hold about Christianity only what the Christian holds about other religious traditions. That is, the Christian holds that all religious traditions besides his own are without rational grounds, and the naturalist merely adds the Christian tradition to the list of those without basis. This is a profound mis-statement of the actual point of contrast. The Christian does not hold that Islam and Judaism are without basis in the way the naturalist means.

Both Judaism and Islam exist because of their concrete, historical relationship to what orthodox Christians believe is an authentic and historical revelation of the one true God. The Jewish tradition would not exist were it not for God’s call of Abraham, His revelation on Sinai, and His prophetic messengers. Islam would never have existed without all of these events and the ministry of the historical Jesus of Nazareth. In different ways, Islam and Judaism have transmitted certain misinterpretations of these revelations. But if we are speaking of how to explain the religious landscape, the naturalist and Christian share almost nothing in common. For the naturalist, the Abrahamic traditions are the result of chance historical circumstances and human self-delusion. For the Christian, the Abrahamic traditions are the result of a lengthy sequence of self-disclosures by the true God- to which was added on the tail end certain traditions of misinterpretation and/or rejection.

I hasten to add that this is also true by a different historical medium for the non-Abrahamic traditions. Even the crudest paganism cannot be explained except with reference to circumstances involving the activity of God, and it is a rare thing indeed to discover some tribe who has no trace of belief in One being, standing above the other divinities of the celestial commonwealth, set apart by its unique sovereignty and principal or sole role in creating the world. Indeed, the belief in a Creator God set apart sui generis from all other beings called “gods” is a very common feature of religious traditions all over the world, and such is the expectation on a Christian description of Reality where the forefathers of the entire human race had commerce with the God of Heaven. See Winfried Corduan, In the Beginning God, Concepts of God in Africa etc.

[3] As we discussed above, a thing which has to exist cannot change- or else the qualities making it what it is are passing in and out of existence, intensifying or fading, and so on.

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sharp-teeth-and-archived · 4 years ago

Text

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐀 𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐋𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐓 / 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄.

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we all had witnessed some plotting once which did not went too well, be it because of us or our partner. So here have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot! Yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat. Long post!

MUN NAME: Bambi / Eden AGE: 18 CONTACT: IM, Ask, Discord (search discord up on my blog)

CHARACTER(S): a shit ton

CURRENT FANDOM(S): Dragon Age, rdr2, assassin’s creed, star wars (sorta??)

FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: Modern verse, r.dr2, da, skyrim (haven’t touched my bio for it for a while so I may have to touch it up a bit) and that’s pretty much it for any au verse. They’re just crossover verses.

MY LANGUAGE(S): English.

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN ( my brand ) / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY (my 2nd brand) / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA / ETC. ( I’m open to most things, it just depends on plot & muse )

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER (it happens but I tend to not favor it) / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ PARA / NOVELLA. / ALL

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO / OCCASIONALLY - only by Mutuals?: YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK. / ALL

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT.

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ WEEKS / MONTHS / YEARS. / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY INTERACTING WITH: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM (really depends on if you have oen in mind and we discussed it, it’s just not posted) / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS.

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC. ( varies, but overall I tend to post more ooc? )

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: im me or talk to me over discord

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Not too much? I’d like for there to be a plot in mind, but I can understand if that’s not the case. I’ve had instances where I want to interact with a character, but have absolutely no idea in mind. Usually sendign in an ask meme can help in that regard.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I strive to not be one-sided myself, but I do have instances where I can’t think of anything. I’m not sure? Maybe ask the other person if they’re into it or if something else is at play (dealign with real life problems and it just affects their mood voerall).

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I always try to give ideas of my own if I have any. Coming to a equally agreed, general idea is fine. I’ve had instances where I was on both sides of this, but I always try to add input and be equal with the other person.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - AND WHY?: Sometimes I don’t notice it, but sometimes I do. Generally, I like to know, but I understand if someone doesn’t wan tto reach out. Just at least try to let me know and we’re fine.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: It depends really. Sometimes I just don’t have muse for a thread, or an instance where I have dropped a muse entirely. Sometimes it can be timing, but that’s rarely the issue. Most of the time it’s just I can’t think of anything and I feel like it hasn’t really gone anywhere? I have stuff in my queue for a while, so soemtimes it appears that way until it’s posted and I’m sorry about that.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. ( I do have instances where I was forgetful and I haven’t told my partner int he apst adn I’m sorry about that. )

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO. - AND WHY?: I don’t need to be tlaked every day, but stronger friendships ( ooc & ic ) are formed when I talk to a person. It doesn’t need to be often, but it helps me understand your chaarcter and your approach. With that, I can come up with ideas and understand you rmuse more. I understand if people aren’t fond of ooc chatting, that’s completely understandable to me.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: Criticsm is a good way to grow. Criticsm is different from completely bashing a perosn’s portrayal and not giving any pointers (ex: “your portrayal sucks.”). Or even for a person. If you feel like I am portraying something wrong, like depression or something similar, let me know. If you feel like Lydia’s adhd isn’t properly portrayed, let me know.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: All of my muses are written and taken an interest in for different reasons, sometimes I don’t even know why I decided to write them. I roleplay because I love exploring different characters and dyanamics and it’s easier for me to write like this than forming my own story. But a goal in mind? Be a good rp partner I guess? Or at least try to make things interesting and try my best to portray my characters correctly or in an intruiging manner.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: Varies on muse. I have different plots in my wishlist tag: ( wishlist ).

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: Potential triggering content ahead. Rape, noncon, abuse, incest, drug use -not alcohol- ( lyrium I can write fine, it’s just the realistic stuff I can’t do. ), inappropiate under age stuff. Themes where I write a stalker. Sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and racism will never be mentioned by any of my characters. I won’t write smut probably ever, so themes with that I tend to not write. Very likely more, I just can’t think of anything. Within dragon age, I do have a characetr ( Sera ) who will refer to elves as elfy-elves and be pretty anti-elf, which can be triggering to others. Also, animal abuse or gore of any kind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: I can’t work with starters that don’t really have any dialogue (handing something over with nothing vocally said is fine, but when someone is just sitting there, that’s harder to work with unless somethign is plotted). Generally, I like outside circumstances to be explained (locaiton, where in a game/setting this might be occuring, etc), I really like when dialogue is added and body landguage is explained/noted.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: Honestly? it varies. I tend to really be into deep, complex characters or characters that appear can be sterred in that direction with more added. Bubbly, energetic characters, fighters (typically female). Quick witted or flirty characters & mysterious types.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: I hate using the term but mary-sue/gary-sue. I hate saying that, but if a character has no flaws, I won’t be interested. Or characters that seem to just be placed there with no development.

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I try to add as much effort, or at least a lot of effort, in replies & interaction. I am very open-minded and when I get passionate about soemthing, you can really tell. I am easy-going, so feel free to tell me if you want to drop a thread or have a concern. I tend to work well of other’s people’s ideas, usually able to add my own.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I am slow and my queue tends to be slow since I try not to overhwelm myself and stress myself out to the heavens. I try to reach out, but sometimes I just can’t think of anything to say. My muse can be very flickle at times, so replies to stuff can vary. My msue tends to be more for ask memes than replies at times.

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN, FADE TO BLACK?: YES / NO.

WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?:

ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: all of it

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. ( I love ships, but I am selective with it and require chemistry -unless I know your muse and you occ super, super well-. It’s nice but it isn’t he full focus of this blog. I want to explore my characters and witness other people’s characters and their development. )

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP ( Jacob ) / DUAL-SHIP — MULTIVERSE / SINGLEVERSE.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: Varies on muse, but for my rdr2 characters I’ve been really wanting a sorta of “outside” character where they aren’t directly involved in the gang, but they are in a relationship with oen of their members. Where my muse,w hose in the gang, will tell you rmuse about it and the whole aftermath of everything. Where their partner will understand to an extent, but try to undestand? if that makes sense? I also want enemies to work on a job/project together and deal with that. But this all also varies on muse.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. ( I find it easier to write to assume people knwo each other, but an immediate friendship isn’t required. Like my muse may know yours or hear about yours, but they haven’t directly met you before ).

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: I have a large amount of different muses, but all of my muses all bring something new to the table. Want a guy who seems nice, but can be an asshole with a flick of a dime, who has a secret betrayal plot hidden behind his back? Pick Robert. Want a guy who’s humurous but seems to be hiding under a fake persona? Pick Charley. Want a female assassin who’s very talented anr professional in her work to a fault with her work-alcoholic ways? Pick Evie. Want a sweet and caring character with a heart of gold and will give you advice and comfort? Pick Cassie It depends on the plot, too, but I try my best to add as much to reply to to another. If you ever want more added, tell me! I could give multiple plots, so it’s really hard to put something down.

WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: If someone isn’t interested or outwardly hateful of my muse without a valid reason when starting to interact. Beign enemies is fine, but maybe we could write how it became that way? This really varies, so don’t let this steer you away. Just give me something to work with, brign soemthing to the tbale, and I’m usually fine.

WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, WHAT IS THEIR GOAL?: Varies on muse. Robert: fame/recognition, a legend made out of him. Charley: just to live life happy? He wants to be okay money-wise. Evie: to take down the Templars & help the people of London, not fail and always be successful and outwit her foes. Cassie: everyone around her happy. Sean: His gang to be successful, btu also be sucessful himself, he wants to be admired as well.

WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: Just using the same muses lmao. Robert: Someone who just listens to him and isn’t quick to make fun of him. Charley: If they have a sense of humor and someone he can stand, he’s pretty much fine tbh. Evie: If they can give her any information or aid with her cause. Cassie: How they are feeling. If they let her just listen and seem more open than closed off. Very personality-based. Sean: soemtimes looks, but mostly if they have a similar personality as him.

WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Evie: devotion, kind spriit, efficiency, loyalty. Robert: willingness and empathy despite having little himself. Charley: Honesty. Cassie: Consistency. Sean: reliability.

WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: generally all of them like books (except Sean), events around them, their interests.

WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: For half of them, anything mundane or boring. Anything that isn’t relating to anything that’s spoken around / surrounds them.

DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: Robert & Charley (more Robert) witnessed a murder, Robert actually doing that act. Cassie: hearing about the violent nature of her father’s death. Sean: the things he went through with the bounty hunters.

WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: A gunshot or anything that could overpower them.

IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Sean: rich people, Scots for some reason, English people sometimes. When someone disagrees with him on soemthing he is passionate about. Pronouncing and Irish word wrong. O’Driscolls & anyone that’s an enemy of the gang. Evie: Templars, Starrick & Lucy Thorne. People who lie or misled her or others. Injustice. Robert: Someone makign fun of him tbh. Charley: People who don’t plan out anything or are really reckless.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - BEST WAY TO APPROACH THEM?: Talk to them. Initiate a conversation. Pretty much that across the board.

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: None of my muses are perfect. Some are worse than others, but generally msot of my muses will listen to you and usually be nice to you if you appraoch them well. All my muses are different from one another, so expect different results / reactions

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED: stole it

TAGGING: steal it and pelase tag me ! I want to see your results

#( ooc )#( psa )#// long post #( this was really fun tbh )

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prtgniiist · 4 years ago

Note

all the numbers 👀👀

⤿ roleplay habits | not accepting

i’m grateful but jESUS that’s a lot

what’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

answered x

are there any languages besides english in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

nope. i know filipino and japanese too but i don’t think i can fully write using those languages roleplaying as i’m not fluent anymore

how often do you reach for a synonym dictionary when writing? how about mentally?

oh lol i have the thesaurus.com opened on a separate tab while writing. though i find myself not using it as much, only occasionally.

how often do you need to translate your own or the other’s writing with a dictionary or google when writing and reading replies?

uh not a lot? not anymore. sometimes though i have to double-check if i spelled certain words correctly but other than that, i don’t really check. i get too distracted if i look through a different site/page while writing, i have to continuously write otherwise i’m gonna lose my train of thought

do you listen to music while your write?

answered x

do you have ideal writing circumstances when you can do a lot of drafts or tackle really long ones very easily?

its not very specific but i feel like writing more early in the day ( though unfortunately since i work a 9-5 job i don’t get enough time being on here ). i also get into the right mood writing long ones after reading something ( i usually read some novels but lately, i just read some fanfictions )

are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

morning

how does tiredness affect your writing?

it affects me a lot. being in a good mindset helps me write so when i’m feeling meh because i’m exhausted i just don’t feel like doing anything/write anything

have you ever written a serious reply intoxicated?

nah, i only drink when i’m with friends or when i’m at a party. and i usually just pass out in bed as soon as i get home

how much do you proof-read as you are writing vs. proof-read at the end?

hahahaha none at all. after i write it, i just always go “FUCK IT” and hit reblog/publish and then after maybe an hour i reread what i wrote and then cry internally when i find any typos/grammatical errors

when you are writing a reply, how much ahead in the thread do you plan?

it depends on the plot of the thread + the overall mood. when its more on the fluffy, lighter side i just go with the flow. sometimes its fun to see how a thread progresses as i write it on a whim. but if the thread is more plot-based ( something that i have already plotted out with a partner ) i try to implement everything that was talked about in order to go specifically to where we want it. one time i wrote ( physically write with a pen and paper !!! ) all the bullet points that i have to hit in my reply

is there ever been a time when you’ve had to drop a roleplaying partner because you’ve found their writing style exhausting?

yeah, once. not on this blog though, it was a while ago so i don’t remember much. i just remember that they wrote in this specific dickens-esque purple prose style that was just super exhausting because haha wow what are you even saying

does writing roleplay things in public spaces make you uncomfortable?

not really. i used to write replies while i was in a lecture in uni lol as long as its not nsfw then i’m completely fine with it

what do you do after you see a person has replied? do you read it immediately, or do you wait for it to show up on the dash? do you like it, draft it immediately, etc?

i read it first and then draft it ( unless i’m already on the computer when i see the reply )

how often do you need to change the icon in your reply while or after writing the reply?

actually not that often. what icon i’m gonna use is usually the first thing i know before writing the reply. i internalize the emotions first before replying and since i sort my icons/graphics in order of emotions ( like one would be named smile1 or sad2 etc ) i know exactly what to use

do you first get in the “zone” when writing, or do you start writing and “enter” it that way?

i get in the zone first! by reading something ( these days, its fanfiction ) just to get in the mood. otherwise i just stare at my drafts for an hour and then i just go play minecraft

what is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

laziness. depression. minecraft. but mostly its time... my work takes so much of my time, especially considering i don’t drive so i commute everyday and that takes most of my day

what’s your inbox count currently? what did you do to get it so high/low?

atm there are 2 i haven’t replied to

how many drafts is a paralysing amount?

more than 30! especially if its for different partners. i just feel really bad

if you are writing a wrong reply that’s not working out, do you save what you have to be continued at another date, or do you scrap it and rewrite?

i save what i have written and then try to continue it when i’m in a better mindset/when i can better write what i want to. but now after the tumblr update, for some reason, if the thread is already in drafts then i write my reply but i want to save it as draft again, it publishes it? idk why that happens. has that happened to you?

does making icons give or take away energy to write? what about other graphics?

it makes me feel calmer so it gives me energy? but it also enables me to procrastinate because after spending hours capping episodes + make icons, i just think to myself “okay at least i was productive its fine” i don’t actually make my own graphics. i commission graphics mostly ( like my theme background right now! )

longest reply you’ve ever writen on mobile?

i used to roleplay on kik ( ahaha ah the good ol days ) so that’s the only time i roleplayed on mobile. i don’t write replies for threads on here while on mobile because for some reason, i don’t really know why.

does the total amount of threads you have going on matter to you, or just how many you owe?

uh yeah it makes me really anxious

what’s your thought process when you format? any unspoken rules you follow?

i just really do CAPS + bold for emphasis and that’s pretty much my “aesthetic formatting” i used to do this whole i write in small line like its a poem because i used to be a p r e t e n t i o u s dude

how does your follower count affect your mood?

doesn’t affect me at all i think? i don’t really look at my follower count it does affect me though when i see a partner/or someone i wanted to interact with deactivate

#/ ICANT BELIEVE #/ thank you though you're the best #creturae #《 — 𝑶𝑶𝑪. ⤿ chris chris fall in love 》#《 — ⤿ ask answered. 》

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diepower · 5 years ago

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME.

MUN NAME: Kaiman AGE: 27 CONTACT: IM, ask, discord

CHARACTER(S): Meninas McAllon, Orihime Inoue, Retsu Unohana, Mashiro Kuna, Tier Harribel, Charlotte Chuuhlhourne

CURRENT FANDOM(S): That I write in? It’s gonna be Bleach, OVW (super selectively im just here for one person), ASOIAF (barely- literally when the mood strikes and that one is private also). I have a lot of current interests in general though.

BLEACH FANDOM(S) YOU HAVE AN AU FOR: While I don’t have anything fully established... I’ve been working with an ASOIAF au (for Harribel & Unohana specifically, though I’m considering it with other characters too), A Dorohedoro AU (for Unohana and Orihime), as well as a Persona AU (more specifically 2&3) for Orihime. I’ve also got a number of post-canon AUs or continuities for all my characters as well!

MY LANGUAGE(S): English, super basic Spanish, barest ASL, fairly good French

THEMES I’M INTERESTED IN FOR RP: FANTASY / SCIENCE FICTION / HORROR / WESTERN / ROMANCE / THRILLER / MYSTERY / DYSTOPIA / ADVENTURE / MODERN / EROTIC / CRIME / MYTHOLOGY / CLASSIC / HISTORY / RENAISSANCE / MEDIEVAL / ANCIENT / WAR / FAMILY / POLITICS / RELIGION / SCHOOL / ADULTHOOD / CHILDHOOD / APOCALYPTIC / GODS / SPORT / MUSIC / SCIENCE / FIGHTS / ANGST / SMUT / DRAMA

PREFERRED THREAD LENGTH: ONE-LINER / 1 PARA / 2 PARA / 3+ / NOVELLA (2para is a sweet spot but it really doesn’t matter to me)

ASKS CAN BE SEND BY: MUTUALS / NON-MUTUALS / PERSONALS / ANONS.

CAN ASKS BE CONTINUED?: YES / NO ONLY BY MUTUALS?: YES / NO

PREFERRED THREAD TYPE: CRACK / CASUAL NOTHING TOO DEEP / SERIOUS / DEEP AS HECK.

IS REALISM / RESEARCH IMPORTANT FOR YOU IN CERTAIN THEMES?: YES / NO.

ARE YOU ATM OPEN FOR NEW PLOTS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU HANDLE YOUR DRAFT / ASK - COUNT WELL?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. (i let them build up too often but some of yall are too quick to reply jkglfjdgsd)

HOW LONG DO YOU USUALLY TAKE TO REPLY?: 24H / 1 WEEK / 2 WEEKS / 3+ / MONTHS / YEARS / DEPENDS ON MOOD AND INSPIRATION, AND IF I’M BUSY

I’M OKAY WITH INTERACTING: ORIGINAL CHARACTERS / A RELATIVE OF MY CHARACTER (AN OC) / DUPLICATES / MY FANDOM / CROSSOVERS / MULTI-MUSES / SELF-INSERTS / PEOPLE WITH NO AU VERSE FOR MY FANDOM / CANON-DIVERGENT PORTRAYALS / AU-VERSIONS (italicized are okay, but under really specific circumstances)

DO YOU POST MORE IC OR OOC?: IC / OOC.

ARE YOU SELECTIVE WITH FOLLOWING OTHERS?: YES / NO / DEPENDS

BEST WAYS TO APPROACH YOU FOR RP/PLOTTING: I’m pretty anal about plotting in that I often refuse to RP unless it’s been plotted or I liked a starter call. And in the case of the latter, I’ll still hop into DMs to plot further depending on where the thread takes us. That said, the best way to reach me is through IMs or Discord (available on request). The only time I turn down plots is if I feel like it would put my character in an OOC situation, and I especially dislike my character being one-sidedly used as a tool to further another character’s development without anything being reciprocated (this happens often especially wrt my healer characters)

WHAT EXPECTATIONS DO YOU HOLD TOWARDS YOUR PLOTTING PARTNER: Communication is really important to me, especially with regards to comfort regarding certain plot elements, and approaching other in-character situations that might have multiple different solutions. I think it’s important that both characters involved get the same amount of development out of writing a thread, and I really hate the idea of being imbalanced as far as that goes (more on that below). That said, I’m always perfectly down to spitball plot ideas and tweak/refine other concepts because I really do enjoy plotting, it’s just super important to me that things are communicated clearly. I get extremely distressed and frustrated IRL if people just kinda throw stuff at me, and it often kills my muse.

WHEN YOU NOTICE THE PLOTTING IS RATHER ONE-SIDED, WHAT DO YOU DO?: I make an active effort to come up with plots that are engaging and beneficial fairly equally to both parties. I mentioned this above, but especially in the case of writing my healer characters, I have a huge disdain for characters being used as tools to further development while getting nothing substantial in return. That said, I try to be very aware of this in terms of a potential writing partner being on the receiving end. IMO it feels like shit, but I definitely don’t want to make someone else feel that way either. That said, so long as stuff is plotted out clearly and me and the writer are both okay with it, then it’s fine. COMMUNICATION IS KEY, BASICALLY.

HOW DO YOU USUALLY PLOT WITH OTHERS, DO YOU GIVE INPUT OR LEAVE MOST WORK TOWARDS YOUR PARTNER?: I kinda just like to throw spaghetti at the wall and whatever sticks, I’m down to fly with. I have a lot of ideas, but again, I like to give my partners the option of doing whatever they’re comfortable with, and h aving equal contribution opportunities.

WHEN A PARTNER DROPS THE THREAD, DO YOU WISH TO KNOW?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

- AND WHY?: Everyone has their own circumstances, I really don’t mind. If it’s one I’ve been especially looking forward to, I might be bummed, but it’s no skin off my nose really.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY LEAD YOU TO DROP A THREAD?: I don’t typically drop threads or abandon them during their writing. The only thing that would make me do so is offensive content, or huge plot elements being introduced that makes my character ooc and wasn’t previously discussed during plotting.

WILL YOU TELL YOUR PARTNER?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

IS COMMUNICATION IN THE RPC IMPORTANT TO YOU? YES / NO.

-AND WHY?: I already feel like I need to take a lot of extra steps to understand others and be understood, and that isn’t something often reciprocated. In my experience, just honest communication is the quickest solution to issues that crop up during writing. For those who HAVE actually had me reach out to them in this way, I really do try to be polite and respectful while being straightforward so the situation can be resolved without any hurt feelings.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH ABSOLUTE HONESTY, EVEN IF IT MAY MEANS HEARING SOMETHING NEGATIVE ABOUT YOU AND/OR PORTRAYAL?: As long as it’s constructive, and not merely negativity, I welcome it. After all, I can’t fix a huge flaw in my writing without having an alternative solution. I’m open to accepting feedback and critique, especially wrt Meninas since my portrayal is quite a large departure from popular fanon perception (from those who choose to pay attention to her, lol), but I also thrive on suggested remedies and solutions to issues in my writing.

DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE SUCH SITUATION IN A MATURE WAY? YES / NO.

WHY DO YOU RP AGAIN, IS THERE A GOAL?: I like to tell stories, and I like to tell narratives that take root in emotional expression and how those feelings can act as a vehicle to the storytelling. I want to move people through feeling, because it can be a powerful experience. I use a lot of inspiration from themes in my other favorite series, as well as inspiration from my own personal experiences as well. I tend to pick characters who have one or two traits in common with myself, whether those be negative or positive. I’m very excited to share all the things I have planned for Meninas, as she’s certainly my most ambitious project to date.

WISHLIST, BE IT PLOTS OR SCENARIOS: For Meninas specifically, I want to interact with Squad 11 and Squad 9 during the CFYOW verse I have planned. Hisagi specifically would be interesting because of the clash of ideals, in addition to being the only other living person to be able to relate to the horror of being under Pepe’s thrall. I’d also like to steal Ikkaku’s bankai, and have more fight scenes. Lastly, Meninas doesn’t do much of anything in CFYOW, so more interactions with Mayuri and Squad 12 would be cool.

THEMES I WON’T EVER RP / EXPLORE: I don’t mind briefly referencing darker themes in my writing, especially wrt my own personal experiences, but I want to be very clear that I refuse to write at length or romanticize these themes. I refuse to write anything involving rape, homophobia, transphobia, racism, pedophilia, etc, with this in mind.

WHAT TYPE OF STARTERS DO YOU PREFER / DISLIKE, CAN’T WORK WITH?: Unless previously discussed, I struggle with starters that have a character pushing mine away. If the situation is super OOC for my character to be in, or frankly too mundane. In Meninas’ case, most domestic stuff is a snoozefest for me (but I LOVE this for other characters).

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE MOST?: *saoirse ronan voice* Women. UHHH but no, for real... I like fleshing out female characters quite a bit. Personality types are varied, but I like characters who have some level of nuance to their emotional expression whether it’s an internal or external struggle. I like powerful women too, and the exploration of “strength” as a theme (esp at the intersection of the theme of “femininity” and its expressions) whether this is external strength or internal fortitude. I think I play a wide variety of characters who have vastly different thoughts, beliefs, and forms of expression, but I try to find something in common with who I portray to act as a touch stone. I also like characters who have themes of “justice” and nuanced morality.

WHAT TYPE OF CHARACTERS CATCH YOUR INTEREST THE LEAST?: 99% of male characters. And I also hate tsunderes gjklsdjfd

WHAT ARE YOUR STRONG ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: I really like my writing style especially wrt using emotion to set a cinematic scene and overall tone. I think I’m really strong with conveying emotion, especially with things that are often unspoken. I try to communicate with partners clearly and establish rapports. I love writing headcanons and have a TON of plot ideas as well.

WHAT ARE YOUR WEAK ASPECTS AS RP PARTNER?: Oh I’m the slowest replier on the planet and I’m apparently intimidating lol

DO YOU RP SMUT?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

DO YOU PREFER TO GO INTO DETAIL?: YES / NO / DEPENDS (i prefer to go into detail about sensations, rather than the actual acts as it comes off stifled and weirdly technical)

ARE YOU OKAY WITH BLACK CURTAIN?: YES / NO

- WHEN DO YOU RP SMUT? MORE OUT OF FUN OR CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?: Honestly I just do what Meninas tells me.

- ANYTHING YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO RP THERE?: Kink stuff is weird territory for me, absolutely gotta be discussed in private and comfort levels clearly established.

ARE SHIPS IMPORTANT TO YOU?: YES / NO. Relationships in general rule, and while I do have a romantic ship that plays a large part in Meninas’ plot, the romance comes secondary to the plot itself. I really enjoy writing and developing romances, but more than that I like establishing connections. I love the relationships I’ve got planned with Giselle, Candice, Liltotto, and Bambietta because there are going to be a LOT of drastically different things that inform my portrayal of Meninas coming from these relationships (both positive and negative, but ultimately places of growth).

WOULD YOU SAY YOUR BLOG IS SHIP-FOCUSED?: YES / NO. Like I said, plot comes first. And especially in the case of Meninas, she has a lot of self exploration and reflection to do before she can engage in a healthy relationship or address any feelings of romance. I do place a large focus on the formation of her relationships and how they shape the way she relates to other people and grows as a person, but I am extremely sensitive to making sure I’m not writing a female character who’s entire development is dependent on a romance with a male character- perish the thought lol.

DO YOU USE READ MORE?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES WHEN I WRITE LONG STUFF.

ARE YOU: MULTI-SHIP / SINGLE-SHIP / DUAL-SHIP — MULTIVERSE / Singleverse.

WHAT DO YOU LOVE TO EXPLORE THE MOST IN YOUR SHIPS?: For Meninas, it’s a matter of her acknowledging, understanding, and accepting that she can be worth more than how useful she is to others. She had a series of traumatizing and character defining experiences regarding love, romance, and personal worth that strongly shaped the way she perceives her relationships to others and her emotional expression. Trust is another huge factor for me, Meninas needs to be around someone she believes in. Strength is another aspect. She likes someone who challenges her, keeps her on her toes, and is sturdy like physically. Because she’ll break you. THAT SAID- Meninas tends to be open wrt her body, but closed off when it comes to her heart. Hate to see it, love to write it.

ARE YOU OKAY WITH PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIPS?: YES / NO. As long as the premise makes sense. I like relationships to have some matter of significance and planning, especially because of how I’ve written the way Meninas picks and chooses who to get close to in Silbern depending on what suits her interests. Genuine friendship is a weird thing for Meninas, as most of her relationships are formed out of convenience. If you aren’t useful to Meninas’ schemeing, then she has no interest in dealing with you beyond platitudes and keeping up appearances and will interact with you as such.

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- WHAT COULD POSSIBLY MAKE YOUR MUSE INTERESTING TOWARDS OTHERS, WHY SHOULD THEY RP WITH THIS PARTICULAR CHARACTER OF YOURS NOW, WHAT POSSIBLE PLOTS DO THEY OFFER?: WE LOVE DUPLICITOUS WOMEN! No, but at the core of my Meninas characterization, the sentiment is “Everything is not as it appears” even down to the relationships she has with others. Meninas’ entire personality is constructed as a survival tactic from an early age (in addition to being a way to make herself more useful as a tool to others, and thus seen as having more worth in general), and as a result, she hasn’t really allowed herself to live life as a fully realized person. Her plots generally offer silent rebellion, playing a role in regards to her self presentation, chaotic mean girl level bullshit, and cool fights/training. Also you get to interact with a big buff lady. That said about her personality, it depends on the verse. CFYOW Meninas will be more unhinged, while post-CFYOW Meninas will be more honest and rowdy.

- WITH WHAT TYPE OF MUSES DO YOU USUALLY STRUGGLE TO RP WITH?: Muses who are standoffish or disengage right at the start. Meninas doesn’t interact with people without a certain purpose, so if they aren’t interested, she’s not going to be either.

- WHAT DO THEY DESIRE, IS THEIR GOAL?: Revenge, strength, redefining what “power” means in terms of how the world works. She wants to see the Shinigami dead for their role in her parents deaths, and feels the same about Yhwach.

- WHAT CATCHES THEIR INTEREST FIRST WHEN MEETING SOMEONE NEW?: Ability, potential threat, perceived strength, where loyalty lies; how potentially useful you can be to her.

- WHAT DO THEY VALUE IN A PERSON?: Strength both in a physical sense, but also in belief and convictions. Honesty, and understanding the flaws of the world they live in.

- WHAT THEMES DO THEY LIKE TALKING ABOUT?: Fighting, beauty, freedom, abolishing Quincy classism based on blood purity, music, fashion, blacksmithing.

- WHICH THEMES BORE THEM?: Blind loyalty to Yhwach, talking about the horrors of war as if it doesn’t concern them, Bambietta, Quincy supremacy,

- DID THEY EVER WENT THROUGH SOMETHING TRAUMATIC?: Her parents were killed in the first Quincy war and she was left abandoned and grew up literally fighting for her life and living on the streets. She often likens fighting pits to the bowels of Hell (and I often play with the ironic theme of crawling out of hell to appear as an angel or something divine). She is consumed by a quest for revenge, and strongly believes her ends will justify the means taken to fulfill her ideal. As a direct result of these experiences, her emotional health and maturity is severely affected, and she doesn’t view herself as a person worthy or capable of feeling as much as a tool who, in the right hands, can be utilized to bring about the revenge she craves.

- WHAT COULD LEAD TO AN INSTANT KILL?: (1) Men who feel non-consensually entitled to her body. That said, she’s done a fairly excellent job at maintaining control and an unassuming threatening nature despite the widely known understanding of her Schrift ability and how it augments. (2) Someone touching her Quincy cross, as it’s her most precious and private item. (3) Anyone who dares get in the way of her plans that can’t be manipulated in some other useful aspect.

- IS THERE SOMEONE /-THING THEY HATE?: Meninas hates Yhwach, and the Shinigami most predominately, but she also harbors disgust for Hollows as an instinct. That said, her young life was spent detached from Quincy culture (in addition to being a Gemischt and the inherent isolation that comes with that status), so despite her early induction into the Wandenreich ranks, Meninas does not harbor the same Quincy nationalism and loyalty that others of her race do. They’re a means to an end, and just happen to help her become stronger.

IS YOUR MUSE EASY TO APPROACH?: YES / NO. - Best ways to approach them?: She comes off as easy to approach, but if you want genuine Meninas I’m sorry the number you’re trying to reach has been disconnected. Goodbye!

SOMETHING YOU MAY STILL WANT TO POINT OUT ABOUT YOUR MUSE?: Everything I’ve written about her is based in headcanon! I’ve got both a lengthy biography as well as headcanons gathered in the sidebar links on my blog.

CONGRATS!!! You managed it, now tag your mutuals! ♥

TAGGED BY: @bazzardburner TAGGING: i think this has made its rounds so steal it!

#MEME / ANSWERED #HANDS OF THE DIVINE ; A SELF MADE CREATION / HEADCANON #ok take 2 dont delete all my bolded shit pls

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soul-heart-and-beyond · 5 years ago

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Negaduck Headcanons! (Pt.1)

This is probably the most ambitious that I will get with exploring a character like this. Not only because I really like Negaduck (More than I talk about him. I generally do this with a lot of characters because you guys got your thing, and I don’t want to damage that character for you because of my portrayal or showing you all with my love for them. Yeah, I hold my feelings back, but I have good reason for that.), but because with all of the weird fluidity his story and character has backing it up.

This isn’t going to be like the definitive version of him, I’m not sure if there will ever be one, but this is just how I see him and want to explore some of the less thought about concepts with him. There’s been stuff about him doing things because of NegaGosalyn or NegaMorgana, but this one’s going to be different. Consider this just a rework to make him more... realistic? (Sounds like a terrible idea since he doesn’t seem to work well with that, but just give me a moment.) At this point, I just want to share or project some things that could work once given good thought and consistency to his background.

I might have to split this into parts like the others since this one’s gonna be preeety long.

The best place to start off is with the concept of the Negaverse in general, which is supposedly everything nearly turned upside down compared to the common universe (I guess Primeverse but it’s hard to say honestly?) we see, the Disney Afternoon universe. Given that, heroes are villains, villains are heroes, ordinary people are grunts or the street trash would actually be good people, or dead, that too. It’s a place where evil or bad prevails over good, and while the good does stay strong, so does the evil that maintains the universe. Maybe it’s a boring concept, but to me at least (Though that doesn’t instantly make it good because I like it.), it allows for more interesting debates on morality, what doing the right thing is, and how should consequences work. It’s a glimpse into a world dominated by bad and the good thing there is to be bad, do bad, instead of being good and to do good like it is over in the regular DA (Disney Afternoon) universe. I wanted to touch upon this with Nega Fenton and eventually other counterparts of the muses I have, but since this whole guy is that concept personified, might as well do it with the one that started the whole mess.

Granted, Negaduck’s first appearance in the show is Just Us Justice Ducks, it kind of just skimmed over who he was an just got to the point of him being a villain, something that can really confuse others as most villains usually have an origin story to them or are already pre-established in the world before the hero does. It does give some mystery as to who he was, but since his origin of becoming Negaduck, of even finding the cake that had a dimensional rift inside of it and allowing for him to traverse from dimension to dimension. However, since there never was an episode to explore that and the comics were close to getting to his origin, it seems like he does have some potential to explore several avenues depending on circumstances.

It could be like a situation where he lost NegaGosalyn (And while that seems more likely for Darkwarrior Duck to happen and we see she’s alive in Life, The Negaverse, and Everything, you can chalk it up to this being the mallard that was in the Negaverse, not the common verse, he could turn this way, so that’s an option.), or where he loses NegaMorgana like it was going to be seen before the comic got cut (Similar circumstance to NegaGosalyn, but it also wouldn’t feel right given that he doesn’t seem to have an attachment to common universe’s Morgana, while Darkwing felt empathy to NegaGosalyn. Sure, you can say that when Negaduck was trying to get Gosalyn to be his little partner during the latest comic run of Darkwing Duck, the Jailbreak one [Orange is the New Purple?], but that could have been some remnant of Paddywhack, you know, that interdimensional demon that did show interest in her in the show?)

Anyway, it just doesn’t seem likely for him to lash out at everyone when NegaMorgana dies or disappears, and the same for Gosalyn since in the show he knows she’s alive, and just doesn’t seem to bother with her much anymore. She’s like a gem that’s lost it’s luster, a used up toy, something that he barely comes back to anymore. And if it’s because he lost her due to a custody battle, it wouldn’t make sense since the Friendly Four explain it upfront that he is Gosalyn’s carefaker, her parental figure, her father. Not only that, but he had to have been doing this this for a while since Darkwing Duck was Darkwing for some time before he met Gosalyn. Of course, he was a minor vigilante, but after meeting Gosalyn, Launchpad, Taurus Bulba and his henchmen, he did get more recognition from there on. Given the idea of somewhat polar opposite universes, it would mean that Negaduck was Negaduck before meeting NegaLaunchpad and NegaGosalyn and ultimately his first encounter with NegaTaurus Bulba.

Another point to address is Negaduck’s real name. You can think of his name as just Negaduck or Jim Starling, Jim Sterling, but for me and this rp blog, the OG Negaduck is Drake Mallard. For everyone else in the Negaverse to go by the same name and respond to that name like their common universe counterpart, and for Negaduck to be the exception? Doesn’t really make sense, and given how he is an evil Darkwing Duck, it only makes sense for him to be Drake Mallard. There have been other series and franchises to do this sort of thing where the character would actually be different like Owlman to Batman from DC Comics. Owlman from Earth 3 isn’t Bruce Wayne, and some characters like Superwoman of Earth 3 is actually Lois Lane. It works there but that’s because it fits that franchise. To fit Disney’s, Negaduck would most likely be Drake Mallard.

Given that, it is safe to say that his life obviously is not like Darkwing Duck Drake’s as his whole universe is built around the concept of being bad is actually good. So his experiences with his childhood of him being bullied, clowned on, getting wrecked in high school for the first half of it were out of him just being overall bad at being bad. He did some nice things here and there, got punished or bullied for it, and still somewhat had want to do it again. Though over time, and especially around his junior year of high school, the general consensus or the norm of being bad finally clicked. He’d done it before several times, yes. It was what he was being taught at school, besides other useful things that would be needed later on in life. Pretty much, he snapped after being ridiculed for his soft personality, and out of defiance, was willing to kill everyone there. He didn’t get to take out everyone, but he did for the first time fully embrace how good it was to be terrible, to kill, the satisfaction of getting what he wanted or most of it. That day, he was forever changed, and ready to create some mass carnage and despair for his own personal enjoyment.

Knowing that his little prototype outfit for the event where he was ridiculed from wasn’t exactly going to make him look menacing, he sketched up some drafts as to what he would really want for himself to be seen as. Some had overly large fedoras, others had torn clothing, and some had on so much black, belts, and zippers that it just seemed too silly. Eventually, he would come out with his well known attire, and also acquired some orange-scarlet contact lenses to complete his change from Drake Mallard, the one cerulean-eyed wimp that couldn’t do much and was seen as a nobody by society. Instead, he was going to be remembered, he was going to feared, and he was going to be the one thing people worry about most. After all, being remembered was the only thing of value in life, and those that were remembered were the nasty, vile, ruthless, terrible, and just plain malevolent people. They were great because they brought forth a force of fear and anxiety with them, and he was going to be the next one.

After that, Negaduck would out in the streets of St. Canard, terrorizing the people, stealing money and valuables away from banks, stores, and factories, all of the while trying not to get on the radar of some of the superheroes that would clearly want to stop a low level villain like him. After all, he had no powers, was considered barely above a common grunt, but that was to give them a false sense of security. Whenever he wasn’t constantly planning his heists, having “fun” with the civilians, or just doing evil, despicable stuff just for the fun of it, the thrill it gave him, he was furthering him study of different martial arts, techniques, and overall strategies. Sure, the opponents he managed to rack in against their own free will weren’t nothing much but living body bags for him to test out his moves on and not much else, but whatever he could memorize, the real test would come when he was out in the field. With that, he gained some more firepower and artillery so he could slowly increase his status to the well known criminal overworld.

It wasn’t too long that his face became somewhat well know around St. Canard, and by this point, he was bathing in that recognition, that glory, of being noticed as a menace to society. Of course, he’d have to scram whenever some of the hero chumps like Megawatt (Mega Megavolt) and Harlequin ( Nega Quackerjack), but he was doing better, getting better at being such a blight on the planet. Though his feats before meeting a certain girl and guy on a fated day were small, they were elevated to new heights afterwards. On another casual routine of giving the police a hard time, he saw some goons trying to take some sweet looking young duckling. She just looked so perfect in the sense of the ways on how he could ruin her day, make her cry, the works, and with that in mind, he went and fetched her from those men, but not before dusting off his knuckles on them. Yet he could feel something unusual about this girl as she seemed to appreciate him “saving” her from the strangers. Whatever they planned to do with her wasn’t going ot be nearly as bad as what he had, but she seemed to be somewhat thrilled at how cool and badass he was taking those guys out. It was... kind of charming to see someone actually compliment him out of genuine interest instead of fear.

While driving the young girl back to his home on his customized motorcycle, he wondered if he should indulge himself by keeping this little one around, to show them the ropes, and eventually see them become about as bad as he was? No one was going to be worse than him, but he was fine with them being second place onward. He was only worthy of number one. But as he continued to think about it, it started to seem like he was getting soft. Some of those small traces of Drake Mallard were trying to crawl their way out of what he was, and he couldn’t let that happen. He was no longer that person and definitely didn’t want to be associated with that name. It was by now the girl had asked him his name, and he responded with only, “Negaduck.”. After all, she didn’t need to know much else about him, and certainly nothing of his past life. Once arriving at his home, he let her off of his vehicle and they entered the house and took a break from all of the action that waited outside. Negaduck then decided to ask this girl for her name in return, and learning that it was Gosalyn, he kept that in mind so he could call her by that name.

For a while they talked about different subjects, like what the other was going to do, and for Negaduck his case was simple, just continue destroying and tearing stuff up, while Gosalyn, she seemed to not really have a set goal in life or after their meeting. This came as a good opportunity for him to propose making her his protege so she could actually get on by in the world, though she’d probably have to ditch the cutesy looking garments she had on. He was astounded to see how quickly she accepted, though it seemed to have been influenced by her not having any parents or adult figures to take care of her. It did tick him off with the potential idea that she might be just putting up with what she could get at the moment, but given how her innocence seemed, it could be that she was just relieved to have someone to take care of her. He’d file in some adoption papers in the morning, but he’d have to know what orphanage she was from. With some more talk to continue on that note, he got the answer he was looking for, and a little more, some information about someone trying to take her, but for what reason? She thought the guys that he knocked out earlier had something to do with this person, and it seemed like a time slot just opened up on his schedule to go ruin this person’s day, or perhaps their life.

Now that he had some time to relax and get a better understanding of what happened to Gosalyn, Negaduck took her along with him since she would know who he was talking about. Zooming through the streets and past the other vehicles that were in the way, the villain was still assessing himself. Why was he doing all of this besides pleasure? It’s not like the guy Gosalyn knew was going to get him any more famous, but he was wrong, as there were some of the same guys he let live and more on motorcycles with guns, ready to fire and probably willing to kill too. Now this was some action he’d been waiting for, the cops wouldn’t give him this type of attention. Drifting a bit and holding his fedora with one hand to make sure it wouldn’t blow off of his head, Drake grinned out of excitement as he continued to drive, but now he could get some better information out of these goons. Pulling off some close quarters saves and near fatal stunts, the two were able to make it out of the chase with one or two fellas still in pursuit. That was good. It meant his competition would be rough.

(End of Part 1!)

#(I think I've been working on these paragraphs for a few hours now so it's about time I resume with rps.)#(To be honest these for Negaduck are going to be like explanations for how he came to be and what got him to the common or Primeverse.)#(And like some of the other casual stuff will come later. Really I kind of wanted to make his tale one based on the effects of society.)#(And how it can affect certain individuals as it seems that would be how the Negaverse works.)#(Some of this might seem familiar and it is but other stuff probably isn't. Overall I feel like I'm going to have a blast with him.)#(Once I fully finish all of this to explain my version of him. Yeah; he's fun and pretty cool as a bad guy; but he also needs a reason.)#(At least for me. I like some villains and love them sometimes if they have no backstory but a great one always has one.)#(Unless they are a god or something and then that's fine but Negaduck isn't one so....)#(Also warning you all right now; this thing is beyond ten paragraphs and some are big ones.)#Out Of Soul (ooc)#There's a Reason why Positives and Negatives Don't Mix... (Negaduck)#Guard Impact! (Headcanons)

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intrvso-archived11821 · 5 years ago

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THE MEGA RP PLOTTING SHEET / MEME

First and foremost, recall that no one is perfect, we’ve all witnessed some plotting once which didn’t go too well, be it because of ourselves or our partner. So here, have this, which may help for future plotting. It’s a lot, yes, but perhaps give your partners some insight? Anyway BOLD what fully applies, italicize if only somewhat

tagged by @deivorous tagging: Everyone

Mun Name: Onyx Age: 25 Contact: Discord

Character(s) I rp: Kaien Shiba, Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez, Meranni Mahariel, Drea Hawke, River Hawke, Caius Cousland, Dane Trevelyan, Castille Lavellan, Taeros Lavellan, Akio Matsuda, Misty Shephard, Cameron Shephard, Keith Kogane, Kuron, Matt Holt, Garrus Vakarian Which muse(s) inspires you the most atm?(At the moment): the Shephards Current Fandom(s): Bleach, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Voltron Fandom(s) you have an AU for: Not many My language(s): English Themes I’m interested in for rp: Fantasy / Science fiction / Horror / Western / Romance / Thriller / Mystery / Dystopia / Adventure / Modern / Erotic / Crime / Mythology / Classic / History / Renaissance / Medieval / Ancient / War / Family / Politics / Religion / School / Adulthood / Childhood / Apocalyptic / Gods / Sport / Music / Science / Fights / Angst / Smut / Drama / etc. Themes/Genres you have an AU for: Not all of them need aus

Preferred Thread length: one-liner / 1 para / 2 para / 3+ / novella. Asks can be sent by: Mutuals / Non-Mutuals / Personals / Anons. Can Asks be continued?: YES / NO only by Mutuals?: YES / NO. Preferred thread type: crack / casual nothing too deep / serious / deep as heck.

Is realism / research important for you in certain themes?: YES / NO. Are you atm open for new plots?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Do you handle your draft / ask - count well?: YES / NO / SOMEWHAT. How long do you usually take to reply?: 24h / 1 week / 2 weeks / 3+ / months / years. I’m okay with interacting: original characters / a relative of my character (an oc) / duplicates (haven’t tried, no opinion yet) / my fandom / crossovers / multi-muses / self-inserts / people with no AU verse for my fandom / canon-divergent portrayals / AU-versions (as main or only verse). Do you post more ic or ooc?: IC / OOC. Are you selective with following others?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Best ways to approach you for rp/plotting: Literally like a starter call, jump into my askbox, I’m not a scary person.

What expectations do you hold towards your plotting partner: Legit follow my rules and be nice to each other, I’m not a hard person to get along with.

How do you usually plot with others, do you give input or leave most work towards your partner?: Throw stuff at each other until we find an idea we can both agree on.

When a partner drops the thread, do you wish to know?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. - And why?: Because I track threads through rpthreadtracker and I gotta know when to remove threads from the tracker. - Will you tell your partner?: YES / NO / DEPENDS.

Is communication in the rpc important to you? YES / NO. - And why?: Because it’s important to get to know rp partners and feel comfortable going to them about anything. Whether it’s wanting to ship with them or even just wanting to let them know that there’s a problem in threads or anything. Avoiding problems is the start of issues with rpers and can lead to unnecessary drama.

- Are you okay with absolute honesty, even if it may means hearing something negative about you and/or portrayal?: I prefer it.

- Do you think you can handle such a situation in a mature way? YES / NO.

Why do you rp again, is there a goal?: This is a hobby, I like getting to know my partners and my muses. I learn new things about them in new and different situations.

Wishlist, be it plots or scenarios: I don’t really do wishlists of my own? If someone has an au idea they want to thread with me it’s as easy as saying “Hey I have an idea I want to see about threading with you.”

Some specific characters I really want to develop relationships with include:

All of them

What Type of Starters do you prefer?: Set everything up so that I am able to respond.

What Type of Starters do dislike, can’t work with?:Don’t give me something like “___ Was a bitch. She was such a bitch that no one liked her.” I once got a reply like that but it was a full ass paragraph of sentences like that. I won’t respond to anything like that at all.

What type of characters catch your interest the most?: Soft bois.. sometimes the rough guys with soft hearts. Really it depends on muses. I don’t care about the muses personality as long as I’m cmomfortable with the mun.

What type of characters catch your interest the least?: uhh honestly it depends if I can connect or the mun and I don’t talk, I can’t really write with others that well.

What are your strong aspects as rp partner?: Angst, I can do that asleep. I am also decent at fluff.

What are your weak aspects as rp partner?: I don’t know? I haven’t really been told anything I need to work on?

Do you rp smut?: YES / NO / UNKNOWN. Do you prefer to go into detail?: YES / NO / DEPENDS. Are you okay with black curtain?: YES / NO. - When do you rp smut? More out of fun or character development?: I don’t.

- Anything you would not want to rp there?: I keep it light on triggers. IF I have anything even remotely triggering come up on an rp it’s usually tagged immediately. Are ships important to you?: YES / NO. ( I don’t know what this question means?) I don’t need to ship, but I have fun with it!

Would you say your blog is ship-focused?: YES / NO

.Do you use read-mores?: YES / NO / SOMETIMES... Only if things get suggestive. Which is Incredibly rare with me.

Are you: Multi-Ship / exclusive multi ship / Single-Ship / Dual-Ship — Multiverse / Singleverse

- What do you love to explore the most in your ships?: the dynamics of the ship? Watching the muses grow?

- What is your smut tag?: I use EC // more than anything

Are you okay with pre-established relationships?: YES / NO. - And what kind of ones?: Acquaintances of circumstance, Rivals, Enemies, Allies, Sibling like, Fracción, Parental, Ex, Employee/Employer, Significant Other (tentatively)

► SECTION ABOUT YOUR MUSE.

- What could possibly make your Muse interesting towards others, why should they rp with this particular character of yours now, what possible plots do they offer?:

Because they want to? Not because of anything I say?

- What interests your Muse(s) in general: Depends on the muse

- What do they desire, is their goal?: Depends on the muse

- What catches their interest first when meeting someone new?: Depends on the muse

- What do they value in a person?: Depends on the muse

- What themes do they like talking about?: Depends on the muse

- Which themes bore them?: Depends on the muse

- Did they ever go through something traumatic?: Depends on the muse

- What could possibly trigger them?: Depends on the muse

- What could set them off, enrage them?: Depends on the muse

- Is there someone /-thing they hate?: Depends on the muse

- Is there someone /-thing they love?: Depends on the muse

Is your Muse easy to approach?: YES / NO (???) - Best ways to approach them?: Depends on the muse - Where are they usually to be found?: Depends on the muse

Something you may still want to point out about your muse?: Depends on the muse

#ooc :|| ᵐʸ ᶰᵃᵐᵉ ᶤˢ ʲᵉᵗ ᵃᶰᵈ ᵗʰᶤˢ ᶤˢ ʲᵃᶜᵏᵃˢˢ #[ Sorry there are too many muses I have to write stuff like this for ]#[ unless one was picked ]#Long Post //

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ridiculousn3sswrites · 6 years ago

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The Weekend - Student Council Pt. 2

*Lafayette x Reader

*Summary: The weekend approaches and Reader needs to actually see what Alexander’s budget has. A social life is getting in the way of that.

*Warnings: None, I think. Let me know if I missed anything.

*A/N: So, I’m done with my first year of undergrad! I officially declared my major and so much shit has gone on, y’all.

Part One || Part Two || Part Three || Part Four || Part Five || Part Six || Part Seven

**********

You had just finished working on your homework and finally got the chance to pull up Alexander’s budget proposal. As you started reading the first sentence of the introduction to the proposal - which was long winded, in typical Alexander Hamilton fashion - when your phone lit up with a message from Lafayette. You groaned at your boyfriend’s terrible timing, knowing he was there to pick you up. You sincerely hoped that Alexander wouldn’t bug you about reading his proposal or else you just might vote against him in spite. Voting out of spite really just depended on who annoyed you at the time, and in student council that could be anyone.

“You know, I was just about to read Alex’s proposal,” you said as soon as you opened Lafayette’s car door.

“I thought I told you that it could wait for the night, mon amour,” he replied, a brow raised.

“Yeah, yeah, but I don’t know if he’s gonna bring it up or not and I really don’t want him trying to convince me,” you told him.

“I talked to him after school, he promised not to talk about it,” Lafayette reassured you.

“And how often does Alexander actually stick to his promises when it’s against something he wants?” You asked pointedly. Lafayette sat in silence for a second, knowing you were right, before he put the car into reverse and backed out of the driveway. You smirked a little in victory.

“We should go before the others start calling,” Lafayette deflected instead. You had to keep yourself from laughing at the obvious attempt to avoid your question.

“Yeah, that’s what you’re worried about,” you said, still fighting your laughter. Lafayette shot you a warning glance before focusing on the road once again. You placed your hand on top of his, looking at him with a small smile just to make sure he knew you were just teasing. When he responding with a small smile of his own, you took your hand back and decided to check the group chat to see where the others were.

By the time you and Laf got to the movie theater, everyone else was already there, waiting on the two of you. As you walked up to the group, Eliza held out two tickets to you. “Alright, who do I owe money to?” you asked, looking at each person. When you looked at Alexander, it was obvious that he was holding his tongue for once in his life. It looked like he was actually taking his promise to Lafayette seriously, and you appreciated that.

“Don’t worry about it, Laf already Venmoed me. Also, I promise I won’t say anything about the budget proposal, but if you look at it then it really is-”

“Alexander, enough,” Eliza cut him off with a stern look. You and Lafayette exchanged a look - an annoyed Eliza was definitely not one to try even the slightest bit. Alexander immediately put his hands up in surrender, coming to the exact same conclusion you and Laf already had. “Now, we’re going to watch this movie and ignore everything having to do with ASB for the night.”

“I think you spoke too soon, looks like ASB’s coming to us,” Hercules muttered, just barely loud enough for you to catch. You followed his gaze across the lobby and internally groaned at the sight of Burr, Jefferson, and Madison walking towards your group.

“(y/n), what a pleasant coincidence,” Jefferson said as soon as they were within earshot.

“It really isn’t, though,” Alexander decided to speak up. You held up a hand to silence them both before it escalated any more.

“Jefferson, I’m not talking business with anyone tonight if I’m hanging out with my friends. Just like you can act out of pure spite, I can as well,” you told him, the threat clear in your tone. Lafayette wrapped his arm around you then, bringing you back down to a point of near calm.

“Mon ami, she already told you she will have her decision by next week. ASB doesn’t have to take up every waking moment, you know,” Lafayette backed you up.

“Maybe it’s a bit unfair to expect you to have an answer already, but it would do you good to remember our offer,” Jefferson replied, ignoring Laf’s comment. You just rolled your eyes, not in the mood to deal with him. Then again, you were never in the mood to deal with Jefferson.

“Thomas, we need to go. My mom’s gonna be back soon and you know I have to be back before she is,” Madison decided to speak up. You were a little taken aback by that; you didn’t know Madison’s parents were that strict. “(Y/n), sorry to bother you. I hope you all have a good rest of your night.” With that, Madison directed their small group out of the theatre.

“I guess Burr made up his mind,” John said as soon as they were gone. “If he was voting for the budget then he’d be hanging out with us.”

“Do you guys even invite him anywhere these days?” Peggy asked, only to be met with silence.

“Don’t come at us with logic like that,” Angelica replied. “C’mon, let’s go grab our seats.”

**********

After the movie, your group decided to get some food. By the time you got home, it was past midnight and you were exhausted. You were tempted to just pass out and read the proposal in the morning, but you knew that Alexander’s vow of silence ended in the morning. Despite your better judgement, you decided to print out Alexander’s budget proposal and start reading it.

Whenever you read proposals that had to be voted on, you went all out. You read it multiple times, highlighted, took notes, asked questions when you needed clarification, everything that you should do for actual assignments but never did. If you were being honest, so much of your energy went into ASB to the point that you had very little energy to deal with anything outside of it. You looked over to your bedroom door, wondering if you should grab the energy drink you knew was sitting in your fridge. Before you could convince yourself to, you opened your highlighter and started reading Alexander’s budget.

You read it carefully, willing your tired mind to understand his long-winded way of saying things. You made notes in the margins, trying to explain what Alexander meant in your own words for when you reread the proposal. “Why did he write so much? Budgets should just be the numbers, he doesn’t need to explain his reasoning for everything,” you muttered, letting your head fall on your desk with a solid thud. You could feel the exhaustion overtake your body, so you closed your eyes, telling yourself you would take a quick five minute break before going back to reading the proposal.

When you actually woke up, sunlight was starting to stream through your window. You immediately cursed, checking your open highlighter beside you to see if it had dried out overnight. When you saw it hadn’t, you decided to check your notes. The second you turned to the last page you’d worked on, you saw the sloppy, nonsensical handwriting that you knew you had when you were half-asleep. You groaned, knowing that you needed to go through and redo your notes where they stopped making sense. “Okay, let’s do this right,” you said, getting up to get some snacks and water to sustain yourself while you worked.

Even though your mind wasn’t foggy with exhaustion now, Alexander’s verbose way of writing was still one that made you a little annoyed. Sure it sounded nice in the right circumstances, but when you were just trying to read a budget proposal it could get irritating. You had half a mind to just text him and tell him off for having paragraphs of writing for each aspect of the budget instead of the overview for the sections as a whole. As you flipped to the events section of the budget, you found that the budget allotted was a little bit more than in previous years and actually allowed for more wriggle room than the other sections. He was really fighting to get your vote here, and you were slightly surprised about that. Normally Alexander just let his work speak for itself.

By the time you were done going through Alexander’s proposal, it was already beginning to get dark again. You drafted a few questions you still needed to ask about certain aspects before getting ready to text them to Alex, making sure that you understood everything you could about the budget. As you were comparing the questions with your notes to make sure you didn’t miss anything, there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” you called out, not looking up from your work.

“(Y/n), my love, I bring food and my company,” your boyfriend announced himself as he entered your room. “Have you been working on the proposal all day?”

“Hey, Laf. Yeah, I’ve got a few questions I need to ask Alex about some things but I think I’m almost done here,” you told him, spinning in your chair to face him. He was already sprawled out on your bed, a bag of takeout next to him as he looked at you.

“And, what do you think of Alexander’s proposal?” Lafayette asked, sitting up properly.

“It’s all sound, it makes sense, but I still need a little to think about it. That’s kinda why I gotta ask Alex some questions about it,” you replied.

“You can ask Alex whenever, you have his phone number for a reason. Come on and eat with me before the food gets cold.” Laf told you, already taking the containers out of the bag. You knew that you couldn’t argue against his logic, and your current sustenance of pure junk food and water wasn’t enough for you to actually function properly.

“I’ll take thirty minutes and that’s it; I really gotta finish this and make my decision before I have both Jefferson and Alex jumping down my throat about it,” you said, only half-serious as you took the container Laf handed you. You knew you needed to make your decision this weekend, but what was the harm in waiting one more day? You still had Sunday, and it wasn’t like you’d be doing anything else that was important. You could take a break and enjoy dinner with your boyfriend, maybe even watch a movie or something else to relax for a bit. Lafayette seemed to sense your decision to relax, smiling brightly as you sat on the bed beside him.

**********

After you’d eaten, Laf suggested putting on a movie just so he’d have an excuse to hang out with you for a little while longer until he needed to go home. You only made it halfway through the movie before you began fighting to keep your eyes open. You’d been reading Alex’s proposal for hours, working on making sure you’d make the best decision you could, and you didn’t realize just how exhausted you were.

The next thing you knew, Lafayette was gently shaking you awake as the credits rolled on your laptop screen. You weren’t ready to wake up just yet, and made it known as you closed your eyes again and snuggled closer to Laf’s side. “Mon amour, as adorable as you are, I need to go soon,” Lafayette laughed, even though he put his arm around you and just held you there for a few seconds.

“Babe, why does Alex need to write so much? If we had anyone else as Treasurer it wouldn’t take nearly as long for me to do this,” you mumbled, finally opening your eyes and looking up at your boyfriend. You were still exhausted even after your impromptu nap, so you knew you would have to pick up your work again in the morning. On the other hand, you were pretty confident that even if you texted Alex your questions at three in the morning, he would respond, so you were considering just taking another nap.

“You know how Alexander is, he needs to use as many words as possible,” Lafayette replied, holding back another laugh. You couldn’t help the warmth that spread through you at the sight of Lafayette’s small smile. You found him so utterly adorable, and you couldn’t really believe that he cared for you just as much as you cared for him. When he caught you staring, he pressed a quick kiss to your lips. As much as you’d love to properly kiss him, you knew one of your parents would probably be coming in soon to ask when Laf would be going home.

“Do you have to go?” You asked, pressing another kiss to his lips.

“You know your parents would kick me out if I didn’t,” Laf joked. You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help the smile that graced your features. You looked at the time on your laptop, seeing that it was already approaching midnight. “It’s getting pretty late.”

“Yeah, are you gonna head out?” You asked, already untangling yourself from Laf’s embrace.

“I probably should,” Laf told you, getting off of your bed in search of his shoes. Once he found them, you walked him out to his car, Laf and your parents exchanging pleasantries as you passed by them. When you got to his car, Laf immediately took you into his arms, holding you as he leaned against the car. “Tonight was nice, even if I had to convince you to take a break.”

“It was. I didn’t even realize I needed it,” you admitted as you savored the feeling of being in Lafayette’s arms. “I still need to-”

“Get some rest,” Lafayette interrupted you. “I say this in the nicest way possible, but you looked like death. Sleep and send Alex your questions in the morning. You have until Friday to make your decision.”

“I know, I just want to get it over with already,” you said with a sigh. “You’ve already made your decision.”

“I have, but I also know you like making your own decisions,” he replied, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I should probably head home.”

“Yeah, I guess you should,” you told him, neither of you quite ready for the night to end. He released you from his embrace, kissing you quickly before unlocking his car.

“Je t’aime, chéri,” he said, opening his door.

“I love you too.” You smiled as you watched him get in his car and pull out of your driveway, waving at you one last time before making his way home. Turning back to walk into your house, you couldn’t help but think that maybe Laf was right about you getting some rest. After all, you did still have until Friday.

**********

Tag List: @snazzydoesthings

Permanent Tag List: @spidey-pal

#lafayette x reader #lafayette imagine #hamilton imagine #reader insert

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