#again I don’t understand why the Jedi didn’t expect Anakin to be/become a dark side user?

[badolmen]

Hate scifi-fantasy magic/energy dichotomies where they talk all about balance but use genocide one side or the other to achieve it. Buddy breaking the scale doesn’t make it balanced. What the fuck do you mean the dark ones are all evil? They have an evil ideology? Okay yeah I see where that can be taken as evil but - NO it’s not balance if the only thing left is the light! You’re telling me there’s never been an evil light user? Oh there has? Then why the fuck has there never been good dark users??? (Answer: author doesn’t care about representing balance they just want easily coded good guys and bad guys).

[ninjigma]

Track: ‘Obi-Wan’ - John Williams

“Even your own master stands against the Republic, against peace, against you.”

“Anakin, surely you know otherwise. My allegiance has always been to the Republic, to democracy!”

Anakin himself felt frozen. He had a hand on his lightsaber, prepared to draw it at a moment's notice. The city of Coruscant moved around them unaware of the precipice it hung upon. The balance relying on who Anakin would believe.

Who he could trust.

Obi-Wan already had his saber drawn, the blue bright as nearby citizens began scattering. The Chancellor remained next to Anakin, stance welcoming and unwavering.

“The… the Republic is weak Master. We see it every day.”

Palpatine's even voice joined his. “Together, we can form a new Empire. One of freedom, justice, and security. You would stand against that, Master Jedi?”

Obi-Wan’s stance wavered for but a moment as he looked at Anakin. “Anakin, surely you don’t believe this.”

“Do you not Master?”

Obi-Wan was still staring at him. And Anakin was trying to understand why Obi-Wan couldn’t see what had happened, how the Jedi had been deceived into serving a corrupt senate. The chancellor has seen it, and he can fix it. Together they could save everyone, and finish this war. They could stop fighting, Ahsoka could come back, Padme would be safe, and Obi-Wan could finally be happy.

“What about those who have been strong?”

Anakin shifted slightly in confusion. Palpatine never faltered, but Anakin found his attention drawn to Obi-Wan again. The two never moved, and Anakin tried desperately to both understand what his former Master was saying and convey his own thoughts.

But Obi-Wan knew the words better than him. “Everyone we have fought beside, every being we have seen stand up, why do you think they do it?”

“To stop the separatists. They are destroying their homes, killing them. Why wouldn’t they fight that?”

“Then why do you fight Anakin?”

“To-to stop them. Just like everyone else.”

Obi-Wan looked so sad. Why was he sad? Anakin had to do this, couldn’t Obi-Wan understand?

“I don't.”

Anakin blinked. He expected to be told he was wrong, blind, that he was lost on his path again. He had become too attached or was too weak not to fall to the dark side. But instead, he watched as Obi-Wan lowered his saber, switching his form to Ataru. He simply breathed, meditating as he moved.

He didn’t understand. Did he understand?

Palpatine's patience seemed to be growing thin. He stepped toward Obi-Wan, chin held high. “If he is not with us, then he is the enemy.”

Obi-Wan’s voice turned to steel, fact. “I stand with peace, I stand for hope, I stand here against you for everyone that can not stand here for themselves. But most importantly, I do not fight the things I hate.” His gaze returned to Anakin, softer, but no less true. “I fight to save what I love.”

Anakin’s breath caught. Padme. Ahsoka, Rex, Obi-Wan, everyone. Was Anakin not fighting for them? But surely stopping this war would save them. And Palpatine had the solution. He could be stronger. He can do it.

“I am the chosen one. I have to bring balance.”

For all his conviction, Anakin's voice had wavered. And finally, Obi-Wan smiled. “You are so much more than any of that. And you will never convince me otherwise.”

Anakin's eyes stung. The terrace became blurry, and the hand on his saber fell away.

Palpatine finally began to sneer. “You are throwing aside his purpose. Do the Jedi think so little of their own beliefs? That you would abandon him like you did his mother? Even ignoring his pleas for help now? The Jedi are weakening and destroying this Republic.”

Obi-Wan seemed unfazed, full attention on Anakin. “The Republic should not rely solely on the Jedi for strength. The Jedi do not need allegiance to bring peace. And Padme does not need the chosen one, she only needs you.”

Anakin was so focused on the swell of hope within him that he never saw Palpatine draw the saber.

But as always, Obi-Wan was there.

The exchange was rapid. Anakin was force-shoved across the terrace, sounds of distance speeders mingling with the rapid exchange of lightsabers. Palpatine was practically spitting, and Obi-Wan was moving with more grace than Anakin could even imagine. The lights were brilliant, red and blue clashing in broad purple. But from this new point he could make out clone troopers approaching from the senate building, and could almost feel the presence of other Jedi no doubt alerted the second Obi-Wan had drawn his saber. What would happen when the two groups met? There was more to this plan, the troopers were loyal to the chancellor, and the Jedi would attack the Sith. He saw now how the conflict would occur. He had to protect them. But how? He wasn’t strong enough yet, how could he save everyone?

Obi-wan was relentless and quick, keeping Palpatine constantly changing his footing to keep up. With a frustrated yell, Palpatine withdrew from the exchange and in an instance retaliated with bolts of electricity, the lighting striking true against Obi-Wan's saber. Obi-Wan grunted and fell to a knee, face twisted in determination. Palpatine showed no restraint though, pushing for the advantage.

“They stand no chance without you Anakin. Your own Master does not even trust you to make your own choices, to fulfill your destiny. The Jedi are scared of your potential Anakin. How will you save anyone if you are not even allowed to become strong enough to do so? They think nothing of you!”

Anakin's breathing was ragged, the force humming all around him. It was loud, so loud.

“Anakin.”

Obi-Wan.

“You are my brother Anakin.”

Anakin looked up, watching as Obi-Wan managed to force the bolts away for a moment just long enough to give Anakin his full attention.

“I love you.”

Protect what you love.

It was a blink. Palpatine saw the opportunity with Obi-Wan’s lowered guard and leapt forward. Obi-Wan did not even attempt to protect himself; he knew his path, knew it was too tempting a distraction for the Sith Lord. And Anakin finally understood the why to it all as his lightsaber ignited right through Palpatine's heart.

And there was Obi-Wan, smiling at Anakin as his own lightsaber winked out.

“You are my brother Anakin. I love you.”

Just like that, it was all over.

Everything stopped.

It was silent. Silent like the heartbeat of fallen brothers, like the room Ahsoka had moved out of, like that time of blank memory when Anakin lost himself at the hands of a force wielder he could never understand.

Anakin stood here, in the heart of Coruscant with thousands of people living their lives, bracketed by dozens of clones halted by what had just played out, and surrounded by Jedi frozen as the force shuddered in a horrible type of relief. Yet Anakin stood alone, saber to his right and the chancellor dead to his left.

And Obi-Wan laying crumbled before him.

It was only two steps. One to think of how Obi-Wan had defended Anakin through it all, and another to recall how he had finally been able to hear everything Obi-Wan had been trying to teach him. Finally, he understood. Now one sharp drop to the ground to recall that no one had been right, and one shaky inhale to recognize that Obi-Wan stayed true despite it. 

Anakin finally understood that Obi-Wan had been teaching him the same lesson over and over from the start. How every chiding remark had been guidance, how every punishment had been a moment to grow, how becoming brothers was more than just a title. Every fight started with hope, every battle ended amongst family, and every quiet moment was shared in peace. No, brother was no formality, ask any clone. And Jedi was no mystical label for some elite being. Even the name Sith was no more than the power they gave it. Not one step of this war or leg of this journey together had it ever been about being the perfect Jedi, the chosen one.

Obi-Wan had trusted that Anakin was enough just as he was. How he cared was a strength. How Anakin’s past didn’t matter, only his future choices. How his Master would always be the family he needed, even when Anakin had been too caught up in his feelings to recognize it. Obi-Wan had always believed in him, even without Obi-Wan believing in himself.

So now, as his hand slowly covered Obi-Wan's lifeless eyes, he understood. The lesson was to love fairly, love truly, and let that love guide you forward just as the force does, always. For what is the force, if not simply the feelings found in all living things? Without acknowledging that, then it is no more than blood in your veins. Something meaningless to the child asking you to check for monsters under the bed.

Because the monsters are not out there, they are within you.

“I a-am one with the force…”

“And the force is with me.”

Blue and white montrals, a smaller but steadier hand over Anakin's own. He need never look up to know Ahsoka was with him, and yet how blind had he been to not recognize that sooner? Forced into a war when being trained to “keep the peace”, framed by the people she was to protect and cast out of the only family she had ever known. She had been so right to leave. How could he have let his own feelings cloud the love he had for his padawan, for his little sister?

Anakin never said a word, but he felt Ahsoka gently squeeze his hand anyhow.

“It was the only way Anakin.”

“Always has t-to be right doesn’t he?”

“Was he ever really wrong.” Rex, because of course it was. Where there is Ahsoka there was bound to be Rex. Bound to be all of them, together. As long as they stayed together.

Saving what we love.

Though the sun had set, the force remained steady on the precipice of something important, something Anakin could feel stinging at his heart. And in the darkness he reached out slowly, using the force to try and call Obi-Wan’s fallen saber to him. It rattled gently, then rolled in the opposite direction and Anakin attempted not to choke as he couldn’t bring himself to try again to retrieve it.

But the saber always knew how to get back to Obi-Wan on its own anyhow.

“Gen-Ah… An-Anakin.”

Cody. Anakin looked up through watery eyes to meet the gaze of the helmetless commander. The one Palpatine had threatened to turn against Obi-Wan and every other Jedi. Cody, who had laughed with them, bled with them, and loved with them. Who Obi-Wan loved. And with a new breath, Anakin was carefully taking one of Obi-Wans cooling hands as Ahsoka took the other; and, despite not a lick of force sensitivity to know what to do, Cody dropped to his knees with them, and gently placed the saber on Obi-Wan’s chest for Anakin and Ahsoka to place his hands over.

And then there was a sound. A lightsaber igniting. Anakin looked up in a bit of shock to find Quinlan Vos with his lightsaber on and raised toward the sky. The gentle green on Obi-Wans skin looked so right compared to the shadows trying to engulf them all. And everyone else seemed to realize it too, as more Jedi began raising their sabers. In a few otherwise silent moments, dozens of lightsabers were raised to light the platform, and dozens of helmets were dropped to the ground. Blue, green, yellow, white, purple. There was no more darkness here. Only light, only love.

And Anakin reached out again, his own saber snapping to his outstretched palm in a blink. And with a breath, he raised it to the sky and let go, so that it may float above them all. Piece by piece the saber came apart under his guidance, to reveal the kyber within. It shone less than the saber but was purer than any Jedi. And with all eyes watching, Anakin took his first steady breath and flicked his wrist.

The kyber shattered into fine dust, bright and singing as it slowly drifted back down to mist them all in light.

And when Anakin's now reformed lightsaber reached his hand again, he promptly tucked it next to Obi-Wan’s and made his peace.

“Trust only in love.”

(This was some sort of fan service for myself, but I am pretty unhinged and happy with how it turned out. Wanna keep up with my progress on pieces like this, or see them early? Check out my Patron!)

[phoenixyfriend]

soulmate au: 2 or 27 for rexwalker? (or rexanidala)

soulmate au prompts

2. the one where you have your soulmate’s name written on your body.

27. the one where you can transfer any injuries/pain your soulmate has onto yourself.

Once again featuring Marginally Less Terrible Jango, Hopeless Romantic Anakin, and Significantly More Awkward Rex.

Word Count: 5.9k

-----

Anakin doesn’t have a soulmate until he’s ten years old.

He’s already been at the Temple for half a year by then, and heard enough about how not having a soul mark is a good thing, for a Jedi. It means fewer temptations away from the duties they’ve all agreed to take on. There are people with names on their bodies, including Obi-Wan, who has two, but everyone agrees that while friendship with one’s soulmate is fine, especially if that soulmate is a fellow Jedi, it cannot be allowed to become too deep.

“I don’t understand,” Anakin admits to Obi-Wan, one night when he finds Obi-Wan looking at the name that wraps around his upper thigh, the one in the unfamiliar alphabet and cultured, perfect strokes. It’s a few months after he arrives, long enough to think they won’t kick him out just for asking questions, but not quite long enough to know what’s normal yet. His own soul mark is several months away, not that he knows it. “Soulmates were one of the few things a mas--an owner couldn’t take away from a slave. They could get rid of the mark, but we still knew. They were important, something the universe gave us that we could keep, even if it was only in our memories. Why do Jedi try to make it not count?”

Obi-Wan gets a look on his face, the one he gets whenever Anakin has a question that’s more complicated and philosophical than what Obi-Wan was ready for, the questions about why that he has to think about because it’s all normal for Obi-Wan, who grew up here, in ways that it isn’t (and will never be) for Anakin with his Tatoo heart and slaveborn mind.

“It’s not about the depth of the relationship in and of itself,” Obi-Wan finally says. “It’s about how you go about it, how you let it affect you, and if you let it get in the way of your duties as a Jedi, or put yourself at risk of a fall. It’s... it’s not banned, exactly, to love someone the way one would expect to love a soulmate, but it’s discouraged for our own safety and health. Losing someone you love hurts everyone, but for a Force-user to lose someone they consider so dear to their heart, there’s always a risk of losing one’s stability and going Dark.”

Anakin doesn’t entirely understand, but he pretends he does.

Obi-Wan scratches at the stubble he’s trying to turn into a beard, and says, “Okay, let me finish getting dressed, and then I’m going to tell you a few stories. You said you like learning through stories, right?”

Anakin nods.

“Okay, so... Bandomeer, I think. Melida/Daan and Mandalore, definitely. And we can round it out with what happened a few days ago,” Obi-Wan mutters. “I--most of those are planets.”

“I’ve heard of Mandalore,” Anakin volunteers.

“Yes, most have,” Obi-Wan indulges him, but he looks a little nervous. “Anakin, I... these stories all have to do with some very painful times in my life, times when I almost left, or did leave, the Jedi Order. I think--”

“You left the Jedi?”

“For a year, when I was a little older than you, but I came back,” Obi-Wan says. “I’m... can you put on some tea? It’ll make this conversation easier.”

“Is it about your soulmates?” Anakin asks, clinging to the doorframe just before he exits.

“...one of them,” Obi-Wan says, passing a hand over the mark on his thigh. “It’s... she’s why Mandalore is on this list, but that story won’t make as much sense unless I tell you about Bandomeer and Melida/Daan first.”

“Because you left?”

“Because I already knew what leaving could cost me,” Obi-Wan corrects, gentle but oddly stern. “Go put on the tea, Anakin. I’ll only be a few minutes.”

-----

Three months after Anakin hears about the times Obi-Wan was forced to leave, did leave, almost left, and threatened to leave (for Anakin’s sake!), the name of his soulmate comes in.

“That’s not a name,” Anakin says.

“Anakin--”

“That’s not a name,” Anakin says, more upset than he’d like to admit. The soul mark sits neatly on one side of his lower abdomen, warm and precisely lettered and absolutely terrifying.

CT-7567, in a dark, desaturated blue.

“I don’t think your soulmate is a droid,” Obi-Wan tries to joke. It falls flat.

“They’re a born slave,” Anakin says, and watches Obi-Wan stiffen. “Droids don’t get soulmates. Slaves do, but sometimes ma--owners don’t let slaves have names. They just give ‘em a number and that’s it. Supposed to make us more pliant and keeps us from having thoughts of individuality.”

“Them, Anakin, not us. You’re free.”

Anakin looks up at him, lip wobbling, and he knows a Jedi shouldn’t cry, not when he’s already ten, but he wants to any way. “My soulmate isn’t.”

“O-oh, okay, we’re crying now,” Obi-Wan mutters, clearly overwhelmed, and pulls Anakin to his chest. “It’ll be alright, dear one. Your mark means you will meet one day, and when you do, you can free them. Alright?”

“Okay.”

-----

“Skywalker? Sounds like a slave name.”

It’s a refrain that CT-7567 hears almost every time one of the adults sees his mark. They mention Tatooine sometimes. One of the bounty hunters that covers their weapons training gets angry if people point out the slave thing, and CT-7567 isn’t the only person to get a slave for a soulmate. She doesn’t explain it often, but there’s an incident when Rex is three that gives him a little more information.

“That one’ll be angry,“ the bounty hunter mutters, her lip curling when she hears the cadets gossiping about their marks again, sees CT-7567 pulling up his shirt to show off his own. She’s always like that, about the clones who have slave soulmates. CC-1010, who knows everything about everyone, says that she used to be a slave before she killed her way out. She’s definitely scary enough. “Name like that... Tatooine, human, might be a slave or might be freeborn from a line of slaves. Either way, that one’s going to be angry about it.”

“How do you mean, sir?”

Her eyes flick to his, and then back to the slugthrower she’s cleaning. “Tatooine slave culture knows things. Your mark on this “Anakin” is going to be your number until you get a name, and they’re not going to make the mistake of thinking their soulmate is a droid. They’ll know you were born to a purpose.”

It takes another year for CT-7567 to learn that she means ‘you were born a slave.’

(It takes two more for him to pick a name.)

-----

Anakin is not the only one in the Temple to have this kind of soul mark popping up. He is not even the first. The Council is investigating it, apparently, but they don’t have much to go off of. It didn’t start until a year or two before Anakin came to Coruscant, but enough Jedi are affected by the CC and CT soul marks for it to be concerning. Anakin gets called in to provide some information on what he knows about slave-designations in these circumstances, which isn’t much, and is barely more than what they already know, but they assure him it’s helpful. Something about corroborating the information a raised slave is taught culturally with the information a Shadow can collect from a community that doesn’t trust them. Obi-Wan explains that it’s about how Anakin knows information that was collected and taught, instead of information that has to be gathered, bit by bit, and analyzed.

It’s a long way of saying that Anakin knows things that other people don’t, because he wasn’t raised in the safety of the Temple.

Anakin doesn’t know many of the others, but he does know one even before his soul mark comes in, because their Masters are friends. They talk about it, and three years after they first connect over this, something happens.

“It changed! Anakin, Ani, it changed!”

Anakin drops the datapad he’s been doing history homework on, and looks up as Aayla, already in the suite, grabs his shoulders and shakes him a little.

“Aayla?” Obi-Wan calls, coming out of the kitchen with a rag in one hand and a wet plate in the other. “What in the--what are you shouting about?”

Knight Vos follows Aayla in--it’s a bit early to call him a Master, given that Aayla’s still not knighted, but it’s getting close--and leans against the door, arms crossed. “Kid was right. The mark changes when the soulmate picks a name.”

Aayla pulls down the shoulder of one sleeve, and Anakin sees that the designation number has changed. It’s not a regimented CC-5052 anymore, but a short, sweet Bly, with a flourish at the end that probably means this person is always going to be excited to sign their name.

“We already knew that,” Obi-Wan says. “When people transition, their name changes on their soulmate as well. This is the same thing.”

“We didn’t know that it applied to born slaves the same way,” Knight Vos says. “All we had was anecdotal evidence from the kid. Trustworthy, yes, but no data to back it up. And now we know.”

“I wonder how it’s meant to be pronounced,” Aayla says, and obligingly lets Anakin poke at the name that swirls on her shoulder in a vivid yellow against the blue. It’s pretty, he thinks. The handwriting and the color and what it means that the soulmates they’ve all gotten are finding ways to be people.

“How long until mine changes?” Anakin asks, even though he knows that nobody here has that answer. “Do you think all of them are going to find names? Or...”

“If they don’t by the time we find them,” Aayla assures him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, “they will once they’re free.”

(In one life, the Jedi would have held their tongues and ducked their heads, hidden in denial and ‘we are their only option’ and ‘the Senate will use them regardless; we are a kinder fate than men like Tarkin’ and would never use the words ‘slave army’ to describe their men.)

(In this life, they are primed, from the moment a little freed boy explains exactly what a soul mark like this means to people like his, to see their army and say ‘we will free you.’)

-----

Rex

Anakin has his eyes fixed on the name from the moment his mark burns and twists and changes. He’s sixteen by then, and on a mission with Obi-Wan that prevents him from running to break into Knight Aayla’s room and show off to her the way she had to him. He’s not even on planet, but at least it’s not the middle of a fight. That could have been bad.

“Hey, Obi-Wan?”

“Hm?”

“I got a name.”

“For the assassin?” Obi-Wan asks, raising his head hopefully. “Did you get through to the guild?”

“...no, I meant, uh, my soulmate.” Anakin lifts his shirt, waits on that unfortunate dash of disappointment, and then Obi-Wan’s face lights up and the man practically scrambles over to get a better look. Anakin tries not to let himself read too much into it. It’s... nice, he thinks. That Obi-Wan is excited for him.

“I feel like half these individuals are picking names of exactly three letters,” Obi-Wan says, but he’s smiling as he almost touches the mark. He doesn’t, in the end, but Anakin wants to laugh at it anyway. “Rex, then. I look forward to meeting your young man.”

Anakin feels his face flare. “We don’t know that it’s a boy. I mean, there might be places where that’s a girl’s name. Or a species that doesn’t have our genders. Or--”

“I have a feeling,” Obi-Wan says, and laughs when Anakin pouts at him. “Oh, I wouldn’t bet my saber on it, but a few credits, at least. Nothing solid, but I was prone to visions as a youngling. Qui-Gon was never very good at dealing with the peculiarities of such a connection to the Unifying Force. He tried, admittedly, but he was very much a man of the present.”

Anakin spends the rest of the mission silently cheering on his soulmate for picking a name.

For taking that step to saying “I’m a person.”

-----

Someone tries to assassinate Senator Amidala. Anakin and Obi-Wan are assigned to protect her. There’s an incident with a robot, and Obi-Wan is... pulled aside.

(Anakin finds himself thinking, more than once, that he could have fallen in love with this woman if he wasn’t so attached to the idea inked into his skin.)

(Senator Amidala doesn’t have a soulmate. She’s free to choose, she claims. He doesn’t envy her, but he does respect this.)

(Anakin likes the security of the universe telling him that there’s someone he’s meant for.)

Obi-Wan disappears to investigate something, and returns just before Anakin and Padme are set to leave. He looks... grim.

“The assassination is more complicated than we thought,” Obi-Wan says. “As in, the main assassin was expecting this to fail, so we’d come find him after he killed the subcontractor.”

“So...”

“He wants to talk to us,” Obi-Wan says. “But, specifically, to the two of you.”

-----

“So, you’re Anakin Skywalker.”

Jango Fett is a shorter man than Anakin, shorter even than Obi-Wan, but he’s not small. The armor bulks him out further. There’s faint scars on his face, here and there, and he seems more amused than anything when Anakin slips in front of Padme to actually be the bodyguard he’s supposed to play.

“What’s it to you?” Anakin challenges, and pretends he doesn’t see the way Obi-Wan pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

Fett smirks. “One of my boys has your name on him.”

Anakin stops breathing for a moment.

“One of your boys?” Padme prompts, and Anakin tries to remember his job.

Fett’s smirk falls away and he palms his face. “Three million of them, and counting. I’ve had people cross-referencing soul marks as they pop up, in case anyone’s connected to someone... important. Special attention on the confirmed Jedi.”

“Three mill--you’re behind the ident number marks,” Anakin realizes. “The slave-born.”

Obi-Wan’s face looks carved from stone, and Anakin realizes that the mood he’s been in since he called Anakin and Padme was because he’d figured it out before he called.

“Yeah, Umiett said you’d be the one to make that connection,” Fett mutters. He shakes his head. “Listen, I’ve got three million clones that are more sentient than anyone told me they’d be, and I’ve spent the last few years trying to decide how to get myself out of this contract without abandoning them in the process. Tyranus gave me the job to assassinate Amidala, but I’d already had her shortlisted as one of the Republic members most like to help me get these boys citizenship and legal rights. Once I heard Skywalker and Kenobi were involved, turning this into a discreet way to get your attention seemed like the obvious solution.”

“You tried to kill me... to get my attention... so I’d help you.”

“I didn’t try to kill you. I subcontracted to a former acquaintance that I knew wasn’t good enough to get past two Jedi.”

“Right,” Padme says, seeming unimpressed. Anakin agrees. “Okay, three million sentients, all your children--”

“Clones.”

“--yes, something that’s very illegal in the Republic at that scale,” she says. “Unless--”

“Kamino’s in the Rishi maze. Dwarf galaxy, not actually part of the Republic. Isolated.”

“Okay, that’s... going to make this more difficult,” Padme says. “Where does your citizenship lie? Are you still Mandalorian? I’m not as familiar with your role in recent politics as I could be. I know there’s something about all violent dissenters being sent to Concordia, but you--”

“If I thought that hut’uunla Duchess would listen to me, I’d have already reached out,” Fett dismisses. “That’s part of why I focused on Kenobi and Skywalker when doing the research. Skywalker’s got the background to argue slavery, and Kenobi’s got connections in Mandalorian politics.”

“And I’m to be your voice in the Senate.”

“Not mine. The clones’.”

Anakin looks to Obi-Wan for guidance, because this man was involved with the attempted assassination, but...

“Who is Tyranus?” Obi-Wan asks.

“Oh, you’re going to enjoy this. The man calling himself Darth Tyranus is Count Dooku of Serreno.”

Anakin hasn’t heard Obi-Wan swear that colorfully since the last time he got stabbed.

-----

Things... progress. Quietly. Fett mentions there being a Sith in the Senate, something he picked up from a particularly ugly visit from the Count to Kamino, the kind of visit that involved veiled conversations intended as mocking, bragging monologues.

“He really is a villain,” Obi-Wan mutters, as if Anakin hasn’t seen him monologue to captured criminals on occasion, or get so caught up in The Banter that he lets something slip that he shouldn’t have.

Anakin and Padme go to Naboo to ‘keep her safe,’ and Obi-Wan hares off on a falsified investigation, keeping the Council updated the entire time. Anakin doesn’t like splitting up, not when so much is happening, but they have no idea who the Sith in the senate might be, if they even exist. Anakin doesn’t even have time to say goodbye to the Chancellor.

All this contributes, for Anakin is already stressed, and excited, anticipatory and afraid, and then the nightmares come. Padme’s more aware of his fears than she might have been, as much as they talk about slaves and freedom and how she makes things happen with words and legislation. Anakin’s a little in love with the idea of this woman, though he won’t act on anything until he meets his soulmate and figures out what they’re meant to be for each other, but... friends, at least. Padme is going to be a friend, possibly for life, and Anakin’s going to love her no matter what.

She coaxes out the truth, and then tells him, ‘well, your mother would know more about this than you, since you left at nine; it would be entirely reasonable to ask her for advice,’ and then smiles like they’re sharing a secret crush instead of plotting the violation of his orders.

They save Shmi.

(Barely.)

Padme doesn’t get the advice she was using an excuse from Shmi, but from a long, tired conversation with Beru Whitesun. As it turns out, when a family’s been freeing slaves for generations, they know what they’re talking about. Even Anakin remembers the Whitesun reputation. Padme’s notes are copious.

Anakin cares for his mother, and talks to his stepbrother, and gets an idea of who these people in his life are. He can’t imagine they’ll make contact often, but he’s glad to meet them. Cliegg--his stepfather, and isn’t that a thought--isn’t a particularly soft man, or a smooth one, but his gruffness has a different energy on Tatooine than it would on Coruscant. Anakin approves.

Obi-Wan calls. Padme explains. Anakin is shamed by his Master and then has to defend that particular title when Owen and Beru stare at him and the comm in matching horror.

“Master-Apprentice,” Anakin says, just a little panicked. “Not Master-Slave. He’s my teacher, practically family, not... you don’t need to worry. I promise.”

“I’ve seen them interact,” Padme says, and then shoots a small, smug smile at Beru. “Obi-Wan’s somewhere between father and brother to Anakin. It’s very sweet, when they’re together, and very entertaining.”

Beru, who’s had three days to get used to Padme, smiles and nods. “Alright then. I’ll take your words for it.”

Obi-Wan sputters a bit at the claim, in the background, and Anakin is... just a little upset by that.

“I think your mother would want to speak with him,” Cliegg claims, and Anakin hesitates, because this is a mission call, for all that gossip is happening, and he really shouldn’t break more rules after the big one he’s clearly, blatantly completely ignored to come to Tatooine in the first place. Cliegg holds out a hand, eyes on Obi-Wan. “As would I.”

“Well,” Obi-Wan says. “I suppose I do have a moment.”

-----

Anakin and Padme arrive on Kamino.

“Your mother,” Obi-Wan says, in lieu of a greeting, “is oddly terrifying, did you know?”

“She’s... still recovering,” Anakin says, brow furrowing. “She can’t leave the bed for anything other than the ‘fresher for weeks, probably. And she’s nice, how is any of that terrifying?”

“It’s her energy,” Obi-Wan notes. “Quietly intimidating, I’d say. Very odd, really.”

“What did you even talk about?” Anakin asks, and then blushes as Padme giggles at him, like she knows things that he doesn’t. She probably does. She’s older than him. Still.

“Ah, that,” Obi-Wan says, looking away for a moment and--blushing? Obi-Wan’s blushing? “She rather aggressively informed me of what is considered normal on Tatooine for a relationship that is, as Padme put it, ill-defined but close and familial.”

“Master, you--what?”

Obi-Wan rolls his eyes and steps forward, pulling Anakin into a hug. Oh. “I’ve been informed that the manner in which I show affection to you is rather understated and ambiguous, by Tatoo standards, and that leaving things unsaid isn’t enough.”

“...Obi-Wan?”

“I consider you my brother,” Obi-Wan says, into this hug that is stiff and uncomfortable, but sincere and full of effort. “And I do love you very much, dear one, even if I’m rather unpracticed in showing it in ways that would... translate, shall we say.”

“Oh,” Anakin says, because he can’t think of anything else. He hugs back.

There’s a moment there, where Obi-Wan relaxes and Anakin shifts, and everything feels just a tiny bit more right, and then someone coughs.

“If you two are done?” Fett drawls, and Anakin mourns as Obi-Wan huffs and pulls away, hands back to being tucked into his sleeves in front of him.

“Quite,” Obi-Wan says back, with the strained smirk of someone who’s been dealing with the same frustrating sentient for a solid week without the option of just bashing their face in.

Fett rolls his eyes, and gestures for them to follow him. “I’ve got a bunch of the Alphas and CCs waiting on you, along with anyone we know for sure has a Jedi soulmate. Kenobi’s already spoken with them all, got confirmation that we probably haven’t missed any connections.”

“I know the list of everyone who reported a CC or CT soul mark to the Council,” Obi-Wan huffs. “I have it memorized.”

“Because of Anakin?” Padme asks.

“His mark came in when he was ten,” Obi-Wan says. “I was his legal guardian until very recently. Given the circumstances, it was reasonable that most of the information on the ident-code marking situation be shared with me in the same way that his school reports and medical records were. He was a minor until a year ago, Senator, and as you so rightly pointed out, my role in his life is certainly that of the family member who raised him for the past decade.

“Master,” Anakin hisses, well aware of his blush. “You’re embarrassing me.”

Obi-Wan looks at him, amused. “I’m told that’s rather the point, dear one.”

Padme looks away, clearly fighting back a grin, and Fett’s expression is mocking, at best.

They enter the section of the facility where other people are a moment later, and Anakin is... not quite as ready for the sea of identical faces as he thought he’d be. One small boy in different tunics from the rest runs up to Fett with a call of ‘Buir!’ and falls into step with them, grabbing Fett’s hand and peering curiously at the rest of them.

“This is Boba,” Fett tells them. “He’s the only unaltered one.”

“The one you claimed at birth,” Padme clarifies.

“Decanting!” Boba pipes up, and then smiles winningly at Padme. “I wasn’t born. I was decanted. He claimed me at decanting.”

Fett looks like he wants to run a hand down his face. “Yes, Boba’s the clone that was provided to me as part of the payment I demanded when I first signed on to the project. He’s the only one I technically have legal claim to.”

“All the others are Kaminoan property until claimed by the Senate or Jedi,” Obi-Wan adds, and Fett nods in his direction. “Preferably the Jedi, of course.”

“The Nulls are with Kal Skirata,” Boba pipes up. “He adopted all of them and Kaminiise didn’t care that much because they thought the Nulls were all failed experiments anyway.”

Fett grimaces at the look that gets him from Padme. “They’re not mine. None of them would have wanted to be, anyway, but it stands that I haven’t spoken with them in years.”

“They’re precedent,” Padme corrects. “One I should have been made of aware of if you want this to work. Can you put me in contact with this Skirata individual? What’s his, and their, citizenship status?”

Anakin steps back to Obi-Wan as Padme drills Fett for information, and keeps his eyes wandering for threats--unlikely, if Fett is genuine, and Obi-Wan says he is--and trying to figure out the best way to keep track of which clone is which. They do feel different in the Force, but Anakin’s not as used to using that sense for identification as most Jedi. He sees a few scars and tattoos, but he thinks he’s going to have to--

Oh.

“Anakin? Why did you stop?”

Anakin ignores his master, because one of the clones, one he can’t even see, is glowing so strong and right and calling to him...

“Anakin, please answer me.”

“I can feel him,” Anakin breathes out. “My soulmate. I think I can feel him, in the Force.”

“Ah,” Obi-Wan says, relaxing. “Yes, that tends to happen, when we look. Fett assured us that he’d be at the meeting, dear. Just a few more hallways to go.”

Those hallways pass in a blur, because he’s there his soulmate is there and--

A room, full of clones that look older than Anakin, for all that they can’t be, and more clones that don’t.

There’s a clone in full kit, helmet included, but Anakin knows, just knows, that this one is his.

“Troopers!” Fett barks. “Kenobi’s brought some friends in. Senator Amidala’s going to be working on the citizenship bill with us. The other Jedi is Anakin Skywalker. You can guess why he’s--”

The fully-armored soldier takes a half-step forward.

Fett sighs. “By the ka’ra, Rex, you’re going to embarrass yourself and me. Take your bucket off, kid, let him see you.”

“Some tact, Fett,” Obi-Wan snaps, and for all that it’s quiet and intended to be subtle, the clones absolutely hear him.

They also seem amused. Apparently Obi-Wan’s been hanging about for long enough that he and Fett have a dynamic, one the clones have gotten used to and find hilarious.

Anakin only sort of notices this, because the clone in armor, still unpainted, pulls off his helmet and for all that it’s the exact same face as Anakin’s seen a thousand times over in the last fifteen minutes, there’s something uniquely beautiful that has nothing to do with the blonde hair or the nervous smile.

“You’re Rex?” Anakin asks, even though he’s sure, he’s absolutely convinced, that this young man is his soulmate.

“Yes,” the young clone says. He looks about Anakin’s age, and Fett’s told them time and again that the clones are basically the age they look, for the most part. Anakin’s going to take it slow anyway.

“Obi-Wan already said it, but, um, I’m Anakin,” he says, and tries to find something to do with his hands that isn’t just taking his soulmate and hugging him ‘til all the suns set. He looks down, and settles for mimicking Obi-Wan and just tucking them into his sleeves. He looks up at Rex, and tries to smile, but he’s so nervous about all of this that it probably doesn’t look like much. He thinks he hears someone snickering.

“Oh good,” someone mumbles. “They’re both hopeless.”

Anakin snaps his head around and glowers at the little group the comment came from, but he has no idea which one said it. All four look amused, and have varying degrees of shit-eating grin in place.

“If you didn’t outrank him, Rex would totally be shooting you right now,” little Boba says. “I think he’d deserve to do that.”

Anakin doesn’t have to strain at all to hear Fett’s groan.

“Alright,” one of the older clones says, and everyone stands a little straighter. An authority among the clones? Official, or more of an informal primus inter pares situation? “Rex’ika and his Jedi can go get to know one another, and none of us are going to make fun of them for it, because I know damn well how many of you have been mooning over the idea of your soulmates despite knowing literally nothing about them.”

“So’ve you, Alpha!”

“You want a boot up your ass, Wolffe? Because if you keep talking, that’s what you’re getting.”

“Boys,” Fett says, and they settle down. “Now, the Senator has some questions for you, and you’re going to comply when she asks, because it’s going to keep your little brothers alive. You understand?”

One clone raises a hand, and Fett sighs.

“Yes, and little sisters, Valierra,” he adds. He mutters something under his breath that sounds like “kriffing Basic.”

(Anakin later learns that Mando’a is not a gendered language, and Fett’s frustration is entirely about the fact that ‘brothers’ isn’t gender neutral. Anakin tries to ask why he doesn’t just say ‘sibling’ or use the Mando’a word, and there’s apparently a whole thing with some instructors wanting to encourage the clones to learn to be Mandalorian, and others wanting to cut them off from anything to do with the planet.)

(Anakin... tries to understand. He’s still confused about why ‘siblings’ isn’t on the table.)

“Go on, Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, looking somewhere between amused and exasperated. “We can catch you up later.”

“I got enough from Beru,” Padme assures him. “You can pop in to help us fine-tune later.”

Anakin nods, just a short jerk of his head, and then looks to Rex. The man is glaring at a little at a little group of other clones, but when Anakin reaches out and takes his hand--takes his hand--Rex turns and stares at him with wide eyes and a flush that Anakin’s sure he’s mirroring.

“We should talk,“ he blurts out, and he can feel Obi-Wan’s despair at how completely inept Anakin is at this whole ‘personal interactions’ thing, but that’s fine, because Obi-Wan’s a bit of a slut, and Anakin doesn’t flirt with everyone he meets, and he’s been waiting for his soulmate like a sensible person.

(“Or a romantic,” Vos had pointed out, once. “Most people date at least a little if they don’t meet their soulmate by, like, fifteen. I mean, culturally I understand why you want to wait until you meet your soulmate, but it’s not really a matter of sensibility, just personal preference. Obi-Wan’s not less sensible for sleeping around.”)

(Anakin does not like this argument, and so he ignores it.)

(Well, no, he agrees that people should be allowed to flirt if they want, but he doesn’t like the implication he’s gotten from a few other padawans about how he’s ‘awkward’ for not knowing how to talk to people that he wants to impress somehow.)

(So, he’s going to claim it’s sensibility.)

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“Kriff off, Ponds!” Rex barks out, immediately pinging on the exact clone that said the words, and Anakin bites a lip to keep from laughing at them both.

“Out,” Fett orders. “We’ve got shit to do, stop being a distraction.”

“Being a distraction, my dear, is a skill that Anakin’s put far too much effort into developing just to drop it on your command,” Obi-Wan says, light and airy and not at all like he just dragged Anakin and Fett for no Force-damned reason.

“Come on,” Rex mutters, tugging Anakin to the door with a blush that only grows as the other clones catcall them on the way out of the room. Anakin hears at least one particularly dirty comment get cut off by a smacking noise and a reprimand from a clone he thinks is probably Alpha.

The second they’re out of sight, Rex slows down, and glances back at Anakin.

Anakin tries to smile in encouragement. He’s not sure it works, really, but Rex smiles back, so it can’t be that bad.

“Here, Alpha told me to use the mini conference room,” Rex tells him, when the get to a nondescript door with a number on it. “It’s not completely secure, but we can lock the door so it’s mostly private.”

“Can I kiss you?” Anakin asks, and then has to fight to not clap a hand over his mouth.

He was going to go slow. He was a moron who’d promised himself to go slow. Rex is mostly an adult but there are ways in which he isn’t, and Anakin might not be fully an adult either, but that’s not really an excuse, and--

“Yes, please,” Rex says, and oh Anakin really likes the shy grin on him. It’s pretty.

(This man, he thinks, could easily bench press Anakin a few times over, but he’s blushing like a storybook maiden, and he’s doing it for Anakin.)

Anakin moves slowly, because this isn’t something he has much practice with either, but he takes Rex’s face in his hands and leans in, pressing their lips together with only the slightest tilt of his head, just barely less than chaste, and a firework goes off inside his ribcage.

His soulmate! He’s kissing his soulmate!

There’s a ‘stop projecting’ nudge from Obi-Wan in the Force. Anakin tosses up a shield and focuses back on the kissing. He pulls away, and the goes to just... peck a bit. Just small, chaste, tiny kisses because he doesn’t want to stop. Because for all that they just met a few minutes ago, this feels right.

Warm hands, larger than his own and steady in a way he thinks he really likes, settle on his hips.

“We--mm--really should talk,” Rex manages, and Anakin... well, Anakin stops kissing him.

Rex apparently likes it as much as Anakin does, because he lifts up onto his toes to kiss Anakin again before fully breaking off. He grins, clearly sheepish, and shrugs. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Anakin says, and then Rex pulls him down to press their foreheads together, radiating warmth and hope and affection that Anakin hasn’t earned yet, but is definitely going to.

“This is a Keldabe kiss,” Rex says, and his nose brushes against Anakin’s as he shifts. His hands are still on Anakin’s waist, and Anakin decides to wrap his arms around Rex’s shoulders. It’s nice. “I like, um, I like the other kind of kissing too, but this means a lot to me, and it’s one of those Mandalorian things they actually let us pick up.”

“Fine by me,” Anakin says, and he, hells, he hasn’t even asked for proof of the soul marks, but he doesn’t need to, really, with the Force as insistent as it is. “So. Talk?”

“Yeah. Let’s talk.”

[coexiising]

Fade Into You - Chapter Six

SUMMARY ✦ Anger is a heavy subject.

WARNING(S) ✦ fluff

MASTERLIST ✦ Here.

NOTE ✦ I will now be updating weekly on Mondays.

“Why do you stay with the Jedi?”

Vader’s softer tone brought you back to the present, where you were once again sitting at the opposite side of the table, your fork poking into some type of fruit and bringing it up to your mouth. After the rather, how would you put it, lustful, encounter that you had with Anakin, you tried to keep your distance in fear that he could feel your emotions raging like fire throughout your body. That had been two days ago, but living in a building with one person proved harder than not to avoid them. There was truly no way that you could avoid him for too long. It was better to just act like nothing was wrong.

“What do you mean, stay with them? They’re my family,” You said, setting your fork down onto the table near your plate.

Vader shook his head. “You had family before then, you know.”

“Yes, but they gave me away for the good of the Galaxy. The Force gave me a higher purpose to protect.”

“And you truly believe that the Jedi taking you away from your mother and father was the best way to do so? Do you even know who they are?”

You shook your head. You didn’t. As far as you knew, they could still be alive today and maybe you have even been in their presence before, or on the same planet as them due to the many missions you were given by the Order. You never thought about that before, you never gave much thought to the family or the life you had before you became a Jedi. Almost your entire life had been dedicated to the Order and in some ways, Vader was right, they never gave you the choice to leave or not. You knew that you could leave if you really, truly wanted to, but they wouldn’t help you secure a home or a job. Your life was dedicated to the Order. “No, I guess I’ve never really cared who they were enough to go looking for them.”

“I don’t believe that,” Vader stated. “You do care. The Jedi simply tried to tell you to stop caring about those attachments.”

“Attachments lead-”

“-To the Dark Side, I know. You’ve only said it about a million times. It sounds like you’re reciting a drill manual sometimes.”

Rolling your eyes, you grabbed your dishes and brought them to the sink, dropping them in and giving him one more glance, turning on your heel to storm out of the room. He always knew how to get under your skin, making you fume with anger that you hated to feel, because you knew that it was what he wanted. Vader wanted to make you emotional and angry and sometimes he would win. You could feel a difference in the type of Force coursing through your veins when you were angry, a more powerful type that scared as well as intrigued you.

Vader stood up from his seat as well. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Not sure, wherever you won’t be I suppose,” You shrugged your shoulders, stepping out into the hallway, hearing him trail behind you. You spared him no chance and continued to walk to Maker knows where. “Stop following me. I’m not trying to escape, you’ve ruined all chances at that anyways. You keep me here like I’m some kind of pet and aggravate me.”

Vader caught up to you and the moment his hand came in contact with your left shoulder, you spun around and caught him by the wrist, looking up into his eyes. Instead of fear that you typically felt whenever he would look down at you like this, you felt an unusual amount of anger. You wanted to kill him. You wanted to dispose of him so that you could leave and you wouldn’t be trapped here anymore. You had been stuck in this place and the two of you were making little to no progress on assessing the connection that you had with one another. Your other hand came and harshly hit into his abdomen, cutting him off guard and sending him flying towards the other side of the hallway. Once his back hit the end wall and he fell to the ground with a small humph, you gathered your thoughts and attempted to calm yourself down, realizing that you were never able to wield such power before with just one hand. Being here was changing you, and it wasn’t for the better.

Although at first you thought that Vader would become angry that his prisoner was fighting him back, he only stood up and held his hands up in surrender. “Now, I was not expecting that from you,” He stated, a chuckle running past his lips. When he made his way forward, you started to walk backwards, scared of what you would do next with all this power. It was as though your senses came back to you and you didn’t want to hurt him, or kill him like you previously thought you did. Where did all of that come from?

“Stop. Don’t come any closer,” You told him, balling your hands into fists. “I don’t know where that came from and I don’t know if it’s . . . Gone. What are you doing to me?”

“That’s what true power feels like. Isn’t it exhilarating?” Anakin asked you, continuing to take steps towards you despite your pleas to go away. All this emotion, you’ve never felt it this intense before. Instead of the level head that the Order had filled you with, you were left with only your bare mind, neurotransmitters working overtime to compensate for the complete lack of emotional security you felt in the moment. Is this what it felt like to succumb to the Dark Side? No, you couldn’t be, you had tried your hardest to remember the ideals you learned as a Padawan and later as a Jedi Knight. “It’s alright.”

You shook your head. “It’s not alright, you’re turning me into a monster! Someone who has a complete lack of sympathy for hurting others. I was just about to kill you just then, don’t you understand? Being here is changing me for the worse and we’re achieving nothing!”

Vader was standing in front of you now, a calm demeanor that was a direct opposite from what you were feeling in the moment. It was as if he was assessing you, like he wanted this to happen. Was this his plan all along? To turn you to the Dark Side so that they would win the Clone Wars and the Galaxy would succumb to darkness? That dark, brooding stare looked down at you as he said, “There was no way that you would gain that type of power here in the small amount of time that you’ve resided in the castle.”

“What do you mean?” You asked.

“That’s been in you this entire time, trying to unleash itself but the Order never let you do so. That’s your true potential, and there is probably more if you were to master it.”

“As I’ve said before, I am not succumbing to the Dark Side no matter how much you try to get me to.”

“This doesn’t seem like the Dark Side, for your Force signature hasn’t changed, can’t you feel it?” Anakin asked. His hand raised and grabbed onto your fist, placing it near your heart. From there you could feel your heart rate, grounding you back to reality and making you able to feel the buzzing of the Force that constantly surrounded you. He was right, it was the same as it always had been, the soft, inaudible whispers of the Force filling your ears. “And I feel more connected to you now, unlike before where there felt as though there was a barrier. And look,” He released your hand and you saw that there was no burn on either of your skins. “It doesn’t want us away from each other anymore.”

The closer Anakin was to you, the more the Force seemed to pull you towards him. It made you want to wrap your arms around him, but instead you grabbed onto his wrist, feeling the harmony surrounding you both. The moment your eyes gazed into his, you could’ve sworn that under those golden eyes you saw a swift sea of blue tint, drawing you closer to Anakin. Your eyes closed and you leaned closer, lips pressing onto his own.

And it felt like nothing you had ever felt before. His lips were soft and plush, inviting you in for more whilst they worked with your own. Your hand stayed gripping his wrist and behind your eyes, a burst of light appeared and you felt something burst within your veins and travel through every single millimeter of your body. You felt like you were on fire, but in the best way that made you want more.

When Anakin finally pulled away from you he only pulled a few centimeters away. Now his eyes were completely blue, a beautiful blue that reminded you of the sky on Coruscant or the diamond jewels that you have seen many Senators wear before. You only looked into them for a moment more before he was kissing you again.

[padawanlost]

Hey there! First of all I wanna say that I love your blog 😊

If I may, I wanted to ask you something regarding the Jedi Code. What did it say exactly about love and family? From my understanding, they were forbidden to form attachments, yet one Jedi (can't remember the name) married and had several kids. So, as long as there was no love or risk of attachment, they could marry and/or have kids?

I'm so confused

Before anything else is said, we need some context. The Jedi Order is over 25000 years old, which means a lot of things changed over the years. what’s really important to keep in mind is that theirs rules were no set in stone. There’re multiple variations of the “Jedi Code”. Also, not every rule the Jedi had to live by were part of the Jedi Code. Some rules were more about tradition than the code itself. Because of that every generation of the Order has its own particularities. That’s why the Prequels Order was different from the Old Republic’s Order and that was different from New Republic’s Order.

With that out of the way, let’s talk about the prequel era Jedi.

1 – Jedi were NOT allowed to marry or reproduce (without the Council’s authorization):

“If anyone finds out that I’m expecting a child, I’ll be thrown out of the Jedi Order and I won’t be able to serve. I have to carry on. I can’t let the men down.” Skirata was furious. She felt it. She could see it, too. And if she thought that was bad, it would be nothing compared with how the Jedi Council would react. She’d be kicked out of the Order. She’d no longer be a general, no longer able to play her part in the war. [Karen Traviss’s Triple Zero]

2 – Jedi were allowed to have sex, but they were not allowed to have romantic relationships or to have any kind of emotional attachments to their sexual partners.

“Jedi Knights aren’t celibate. The thing that is forbidden is attachments and possessive relationships.” George Lucas.

“But ol’ Pellaeon’s just having a spot of romance, if you know what I mean. It’s not like he gets attached to any of them, is it? Is romance allowed? Can you have a spot of romance if you don’t get attached?” Ahsoka’s stripes became more vividly colored, embarrassed. Yes, she obviously did know what Coric meant by romance. It wasn’t the word he usually used for it, but Ahsoka was only a kid, and Rex had decided from the start that talking about that sort of thing was something best left to her Jedi Masters. Yes, General Skywalker, I think that’s a job for you, sir. It wasn’t a clone’s duty at all. “Romance,” Ahsoka said stiffly, “is acceptable. Jedi are not … celibate. Just … no attachment.” [No prisoners. Karen Traviss]

He felt his fingers fist. Don’t you lie. Not about this. Don’t you dare.  “You love her.” Monotonous blasterfire filled the silence between them. Then Obi-Wan nodded. “Yes, Anakin, I love her. But I was never in love. For a short while Taria and I needed each other. And when we no longer needed each other, we parted—and remained friends.” So that was how it worked, was it? Stay aloof, stay detached, never let yourself feel too much, too deeply, and the Order didn’t care? So if Padmé and I pretended we weren’t in love … [Karen Miller’s Star Wars: Clone Wars Gambit: Siege]

3 – Jedi were not allowed to have contact with their biological families;

“After the Jedi Masters decided that it was too dangerous to train anyone familiar with fear, anger, and any other emotion that might lead to the dark side, it was agreed that Force-sensitive juveniles, adolescents, and adults would no longer be eligible for enlistment or conscription. Instead, they sought out and adopted Force-sensitive infants who would be raised and trained at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant; to prevent any emotional attachments that might cloud judgment, most recruits would never have any subsequent contact with their families.” [ Ryder’s Windham’s Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]

The entire baby Ludi case

Still no word from the Jedi Council about what happened at the Battle of Naboo. Watto is beside himself with fury, complaining that if I can spend a hundred credits to send a message, then the Jedi can spend a hundred credits to answer. It worries me that it’s taking them so long. Three days should be long enough to figure out whether you were at Naboo, and whether you’re still alive. […] Shmi seemed to believe that Watto genuinely missed the boy. Leia had trouble accepting this, but was forced to at least allow for the possibility when Shmi reported that Watto had actually made a gift to her of the ten credits she had borrowed to help pay for her message to the Jedi Council. […] An administrator on Coruscant had finally replied to Shmi’s ’Net message: Anakin was well, but the Jedi did not discuss the activities of their Padawans even with parents. Even that was enough to elate Shmi. [ Tatooine Ghost by Troy Denning]

4 - The love they were allowed to experience was nothing like how we experience love in real life:

Who wept their tears on the inside, where they would not be seen. To weep for a fallen comrade was to display unseemly attachment. A Jedi did not become attached to people, to things, to places, to any world or its inhabitants. A Jedi’s strength was fed by serenity. By distance. By loving impersonally. [Karen Miller. Wild Space]

It was impersonal. It wasn’t like loving your family or your friends. It was more compassion, than love (the kind of love that connects you to someone on a emotional level).

Instead, they sought out and adopted Force-sensitive infants who would be raised and trained at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant; to prevent any emotional attachments that might cloud judgment, most recruits would never have any subsequent contact with their families. [Ryder’s Windham’s Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]

“Not that Luminara is indifferent, but that Luminara is detached. It’s not that she doesn’t care, but she’s not attached to her emotionally. And at the end of the day, one of the questions that I guess I pose is, is that really a good thing? Is Anakin’s way of being so compassionate wrong? Because on a certain level, you have to accept that the Jedi lose the Clone War. So there is something that they’re doing that’s wrong.” Dave Filoni

Nobody asked the obvious—whether clone troopers were everyone else or not. Joc looked from Ahsoka to Rex and back again. “What’s wrong with attachment?” he asked. “Why can’t you have attachments? You mean love, right?” Ahsoka looked at the clones wide-eyed but in slight defocus, as if she was trying to recall something. “Love is acceptable,” she said at last. “But not attachment.” “What’s love if it isn’t attachment?” “Attachment is … putting personal relationships first, caring about the people you love so that it influences how you act.” Ahsoka seemed to be picking her words carefully. Coric stared back at her. “You know, it affects your judgment.” [ No prisoners by Karen Traviss]

5 - The exceptions:

There were some exception to these rules, most of them happening during a different time (Old and New Republic Eras). However, there’s one notable exception all the rules above during the prequels: Ki-Adi-Mundi. Unlike most Jedi he was allowed to marry multiple wives and have multiple children and still remain a jedi. They allowed it because he belonged to an endangered species, so him being in a polygamous relationship was part of the greater good. Fun fact, he was emotionally attachment to some members of his biological family.

[spacegirlinorbit]

Help Me Understand

Part 2

Obi wan x reader

Angst, fluff

Takes place during ROTS. Y/n there to be by Obi wan side as he discovers the truth behind the abrupt turn of events in the war, Anakin becoming darth vadar, and eventually how he will come to fight him.

Angst prompts :“I don’t want space. I want you. ...I need you, please stay with me.” “You don’t have to face him alone, you’re not alone.” 

SIDENOTE: ‘//’ when its one parenthesis's they are talking through the force and when its double ‘’ like normal its being said aloud 

Help me understand part 1

“Well it looks like you took all the fun.” I say more to Obi than Yoda.

“Master y/n.” Yoda responds and I give him a bow. “Master Yoda.”

“Y/n.” Obi wan looks at me with wide eyes and rushes over to pull into a tight hug. I return his hug gratefully. Anyone could see it and anyone could feel it. We have an unformidable bond. That’s all that mattered. We are safe and we have each other.

We part and I give him a somber smile, “I heard Anakin was here.”

Obi wan sighs and looks to Master Yoda whose head goes down casted. We make our way into the temple. I can feel intensely the echoes of screams and blasters and lightsabers going off all around. A massacre.

The masters talk amongst themselves as I bend down and reach out to the force and see the events play out. It’s like a rock in the pit of my stomach. I fear I already know. As I see him come into view cloaked and feeling possessed. This is no Anakin. He has a new awakening inside giving his entity a new identity. Darth Vadar.

“Who could have done this?” Obi questions. I look to Master Yoda and then back to Obi keeping it impassive. Doesn’t he feel it? Doesn’t he know? Is he trying to be ignorantly blind? No. Not Obi wan Kenobi. He knows deep down. He’s just not ready to face it.

Me and Obi work on reversing the code but as Master Yoda claims ‘a long time it will take’ to recalibrate the clones.

‘Cody was with you wasn't he?” I ask quietly not sure if I should bring it up.

“Yes.”

“I made contact with Ashoka. She’s managed to help Rex through the force. I fear for what might become of her if she sees Anakin.”

“Do you think...do you really think he is our enemy?”

“No.” I can’t hesitate. I do my best not to lie either. I need to have hope. You can win wars built on hope.

“How did it come to this? I don’t understand.”

“I can only think of one person. Palpatine.”

“I must know the truth.” He walks out of the room and I quickly follow.

“Master. There is something I must know.” He says and walks over to the channel recording tables.

Yoda warns him, but knowing Obi this is the only way he can bring himself to do it. The recording plays out. It confirms everything and breaks everything as well. Obi is conflicted once again and in pain that is hard to keep under control on the inside as I reach out to blanket him.

Master Yoda says the words no one wants to hear now. “Destroy the sith we must.”

Obi wan claims he can kill the emperor but not Anakin and I can’t help as my heart yearns at the sentiment. Anakin has turned to the dark side. He is sith. He is Darth vader. He is no longer Anakin and it pains me to even think about it. It pains me to see Obi-wan in turmoil about it.

“I don’t know where to look. Do you know?” He turns to me now. I sadly put my head down and shake my head no.

“I didn’t hear that part of the conversation. You will have to go to Padme. She will probably have an easier time telling you.” I say trying to hide my discomfort. I wasn’t jealous of Padme but I didn’t understand how Obi wan was more compelling to be more open with her than with me. Someone who has been by his side more often than not. We did our first mission together. One of many. We have a force connection only we share more powerful than most. I was there when Quin Gon died and he was crying in his room all night. Then he took on the responsibility of Anakin Skywalker.

“You’re right as ever.” He says and gives me a small smile and a squeeze on my shoulder.

“I’ll continue to figure out the code. You go speak with Padme.” I say trying not to grind my teeth with every word that comes out of my mouth. The last thing I want is to be alone. Not when he has finally come home.

“I’ll fetch you when I’m done.” He replies before he leaves with one last stare that could say a million things.

It feels like an eternity since he left but I reach out slightly on the parameters of his force line. Padme is in shock and disbelief. She doesn’t end up telling him where despite how much he pushes in her head but he does sense the child she carries is Anakin’s. Thank the stars I don’t have to keep that a secret anymore. Padme didn’t tell me, but it was easy prying into Anakin’s mind when he asked me to watch over her. That and how she was eating more and the belly was starting to show.

I sense his presence coming closer to me and I meet him out on a small landing dock where no one would detect us.

“You’re just going to have to sit sideways in my lap.” He explains with a bit of cough and the tips of his ears tinge pink. He’s embarrassed. My heart is pounding but I do it anyway.

We go to the senate building and disguise ourselves to a hanger where Padme's ship is being ready for take off. Obi grabs my hand and we sneak onto the ship undetected by Padme and C3PO. Obi wan informed on the way here that she didn’t tell him where Anakin is but has been sensing she is going after him. We hide in a compartment together on the ship. I settle for sitting down and hugging my legs to my chest. Obi takes a Jedi kneeling stance across from me.

‘Did you know about the baby?’ He projects into my mind.

‘Yes. I knew.’ I begrudgingly say.

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ He questions.

‘It wasn’t my place to tell. I read Anakin’s mind and found out my suspicions were true.’

‘Ah.’

‘Why did you say that when the war broke out?’ I ask timidly. I wish there was a wall between us. I don’t dare look at him when I ask this question.

‘What do you mean?’ I can feel him start to close off.

‘You called me, “my love”. What did you mean?’

‘...’ he is silent at first but then sighs and rubs his hand down his face. ‘I suppose I can’t hide it any longer. I don’t need to. I meant I love you. Because I do. I have loved you for a long time now. I just knew we couldn’t give in. We were always passing each other too. The missions together became less and communicating became more silent. It wasn’t the Jedi way. Now there is no Jedi.’

‘Oh Obi there is Jedi. There’s you, me, Yoda, and hopefully we can save Anakin.’

‘Yes.’ I can feel the hesitation. He’s on edge but blurts it out bluntly through the force. ‘Do you love me?’

I try not to smile big seeing as my heart will burst but all I feel right now for Obi Wan is love. We are about to enter a battlefield with a friend turned foe and yet none of that matters as much as I feel for Obi Wan Kenobi.

‘Yes.’ I say this time meaning it with my entire heart. Probably the first real truthful yes I’ve said all day. I can feel the love he has kept hidden, flow through me and it’s bliss and would leave me in daze if I didn’t know what we were about to do.

Landing in disguise was probably the hardest and easiest part. Padme didn’t know we were there and anakin’s energy was too high off the charts to focus on multiple things at once. His sole focus was Padme that much we could feel. We waited until she made it off the ship and then as we snuck out of our little compartment I looked to see 3CPO spot us and I gave him a signal of silence and for once he didn't make a sound. I hear Anakin’s voice and look back at obi wan at the entrance exposing his presence.

Everything after that happened so quickly. Padme being choked and falling unconscious. Anakin and Obi Wan start to negotiate but no real negotiation takes place. Obi wan in his mind tells me stay on board, Padme is still breathing, and Anakin could hurt me if i expose myself now. I stay back until I hear them start to duel and leave the scene. I run out to Padme whose unconscious but through the force I can feel she's under a lot of stress she can’t handle and I fear the baby-no babies it seems: twins, will be coming sooner than expected. I get 3CPO’s help to load Padme back into the ship and let her rest. I want to call out to Obi wan but I fear it would distract him.

I reach out to have my force barely touch Obi wan’s as I feel a sudden anguish overwhelm me in my meditation in the force. Obi wan felt nothing but pain as he had to leave his brother, someone who was the closest thing he had to family being left to die. He wasn't looking to make Anakin suffer but as we all know that wasn’t Anakin anymore but Darth Vadar. I send 3CPO to inform Obi wan as he makes his way back to the ship. I can feel he is miserable and tired. 3CPO sets the coordinates as I make the call for a medic droid to be ready once we arrive. Obi Wan pays Padme a visit to Padme. I hear her ask about Anakin as she did when I helped her lay down for rest. She will never be the same again, but at least she has her children.

Obi wan makes his way to the front of the ship, silent. I can feel the indifference of pain within him. I think to myself he must need space right now and make my way back towards Padme. If only I could help relieve some of the pain he’s feeling.

“Come back…” I hear softly called out. I’m almost at Padme’s door when I faintly hear the voice. I turn around and see Obi wan looking at the ground and running his hand down his face as he does when in hard times.

“Did you say something?” I ask, wondering if I heard wrong.

“I don’t want space.”

“Oh.” Was he mind reading me earlier?

“I don’t want space. I want you. ...I need you, please stay with me.”

I feel my heartbreak a little at the crack of his voice. He is doing his best to stay strong, but he just did the impossible and shouldered the weight of the galaxy on his shoulders. No one will understand, but I’ll be damned if I don’t at least try or help him one way or another.

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thAT WAS THERAPY FOR ME LMAO i hope u enjoyed reading this late night and perhaps forgotten story i wrote. 

[damn-stark]

The Jedi Master

Chapter 2 of Unfrozen

Summary: You once were a General and Jedi Master fighting against separatists alongside the clones, the next, darkness clouded over and life passed in flash, and before you knew it you’re waking up with no memory running for your life.

A/N- next part, I hope you all like it!!

Warning- Angst, SLOWBURN.

Pairing- Since Poe and Rey were tied, what I’m going to do is let you all choose which you like more as the story continues and chemistry’s unfold!!!

————

“So this is our key? A Jedi Master?” Finn asks Rey in a horrible whisper. Your drift your gaze up to the trio and pull your hands from your head, looking to Commander Dameron as his gaze remains on you.

“Do you have a starfighter?”

Commander Dameron blinks in surprise, not expecting you to speak, he shifts in his seat and shakes his head. “Have you seen the ship we’re on? Doesn’t really fit a starfighter now does it? Plus it seems like you may have some type of amnesia, you can’t fly.”

You sit up straight to stand to your feet, looking to the end of the hall and feeling the strong urge to not do as he says and attempt your sudden made up plan. “I can fly, I need to go save my Commander. You heard what they said, they have him.”

Rey stands up and gets in your way as you attempt going out to search for some sort of escape pod. “I can’t let you do that. You can’t, you don’t know if they’re lying—”

“I do,” you remark with a cold gaze. Even if you didn’t have an idea how, you knew. “Search your feelings, citizen.”

Finn beside her looks between the both of you with his eyes peeled and Commander Dameron steps in. “We can’t go back on just a hunch.”

“And he’s my Commander, I leave no man behind.” You interject sharply. “And it’s no hunch, they said it, aren’t you paying attention?”

The Commander sighs and nods, grabbing your shoulder to attempt and assure you. “I understand that, trust me, but getting you back to our base alive is our priority. If you go back there's a possibility that you’ll get killed.”

You step back away from him and begin to pace as you think of a plan.

“Plus, if it’s you they want, they won’t kill your Commander,” Rey continues, “they’ll use him as bait. Besides don’t you want to remember your past first?”

You stop your pacing and lift your head to look at her, frowning and letting out a deep sigh. “I do.”

“Well I can help, but only if we go back to base.”

You hum and sit back down to put your head in your hands again. “At least please tell me what year it is? I,” you pause and swallow thickly at the feeling of a sharp pounding pain in your head, more memories flash, but they’re like if you were looking at someone else’s memories. It was all surreal. “I can’t remember.”

The three of them look at one another and commander Dameron answers for all of them with a sympathetic look featured on his face. “It’s thirty-four ABY. It’s been fifty four years since the fall of the Republic and jedi order.”

Your frown deepens and it seems that at the mention, at the knowledge of how many years have passed your headache heightens. You cover your whole face with your hands and tilt your head down, part of you wants to cry, but the other part doesn’t know why exactly. Your head was in thousands of pieces with only small fragments of it pieced together.

“General….Heart, is it?” You hear Finn's voice ask. You proceed to look up and meet his dark gaze, at that moment seeing another vivid flash of someone else.

“Y/N!”

You whirl around and a smile instantly widens on your face at the sight of Anakin Skywalker, your best friend; you see he mirrors your gesture and you both rush towards one another to meet each other halfway with a big, warm bear hug. “Ani! Haha. It’s so good to see you!”

Anakin pulls away and his grin widens as you two begin to pace around each other in a circle, as if it was the most unbelievable thing in the whole universe. “And it’s so good to see you! Damn, it’s been so long! Wow! Look at you! Jedi Master and all!”

You grin and just shrug, “what can I say? But look at you! Look at your hair!” Your eyes scan his shoulder length light hair and you can’t help but giggle at the memory of his previous cut. “It suits you.”

“What can I say?” He mocks you, both of you finally coming to a complete stop in front of each other, still sharing the same gleeful look. “But you, wow, I’m so proud. Turned Jedi Master at nineteen. You’re the youngest Jedi master, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there.”

“It’s no problem, it was a year ago, I’m over it.” You assure him.

Anakin rests his hands on his hips and his grin falls a bit, but not completely, his childlike joy still remains. “What is it your clones call you, General Heart is it?”

Your smile turns shy, and you nod, “yep, it’s silly, but they insist on it, so I’m letting it slide.”

“Well, General Heart not to brag, or anything, but I was the youngest Jedi knight to become a general.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Definitely,” Anakin says smugly as he crosses his arms over his chest. “So I guess we’re both making history.” He begins to approach you and wraps his arm around your shoulders to walk you to the briefing room. “We’ve definitely come far, I never imagined becoming war Generals so young.”

You wrap your arm around his shoulders and agree with his statement. “Nor I.”

Your eyes widen and tears sting your eyes, you look away from Finn and grab onto your chest as this sudden heart aching pain starts within you. Hundreds of memories flash through your mind, all having to do with that same young blue-eyed, brunette that just suddenly appeared in your mind. You suddenly remember his name and what he meant to you, you acknowledge your name from that memory but even that seemed insignificant at the time. You hear the three people before you begin to worry over your current state, but you block them out as the memories of Anakin Skywalker just resurface.

Just the memories that had to with him and nothing else.

“Anakin….” you mouth, feeling the subtle taste of salt in the corner of your lips.

“Did you just remember something?” You hear Rey ask in a concerned tone.

When you look up to her, you make sure to wipe away your tear before speaking. “Uh, yes, my name and a friend.”

“Oh...what is your name?”

“It’d be pretty ridiculous to ask if either of you had knowledge of my friend, would it not?” You ask desperately avoiding her question.

“Uh, depends what friend.” Commander Dameron answers.

“Anakin Skywalker.”

Again they look at one another and share a look you couldn’t understand, when they turn back to you, Rey suddenly has this assuring look on her face that is basked by the yellow light from the hall beyond the cockpit door. “We’re almost at base, it’s best if General Organa helps you with your questions, she’s much more reliable than any of us could be.”

You nod slowly and grip onto your knees as you reveal your name. “My name is Master Y/N L/N.” You offer them a kind smile.

“Oh well it’s very nice to meet you, Master y/n l/n,” Rey formally greets you with her hand extended out towards you.

You look at it and wrap your hand around her forearm. Which confuses her slightly, leaving her a little stunned and unable to think of what to do until a couple minutes later where she does the same. You pull away after a few seconds and stand up to take Finns arm and then Commander Dameron’s; who seems a little starstruck now. He has his lips parted and keeps his hand on your forearm longer than the rest had.

“I, I just want to say that I’m a big fan,”

“Huh?” You quirk your brow and look at him nervously.

He draws in a deep breath and then swallows thickly before releasing his breath and explaining. “You may not remember, but you’re actually a very amazing pilot, my mother used to look up to you, she would tell me so many stories of you and Anakin Skywalker.”

“Oh,” you grin, feeling a warmth begin to burn under your cheeks, “well I’m very flattered.” You use your other hand to grab his forearm with both hands and just suddenly become very flustered. “Thank you,” you pull your hands away and rest them on your hips, “I’m very honored, as well as proud and upset because I can’t rub it in my friends face.” You smirk, “regardless, thank you.”

“No wonder you seemed so familiar,” Commander Dameron added with a more confident smile.

You look to the other two who just look at the commander with a teasing look, and before they could say a thing, the same blue and white droid as before rolls before you and beeps before showing a hologram screen of a scoreboard that read, “Skywalker v L/N.”, and had a line in the middle that each side kept a score of ten tally marks. You narrow your gaze on it and can’t help but grin brightly at the memory. “Ah, yes I remember now, Ani and I had a racing competition going on, we restarted every couple of months because he couldn’t handle not being the best pilot in the galaxy or whatever he called himself.”

The droid remarks your comment and you laugh for the first time before glaring at him. “Don't make me throw you out of this ship you old fried machine, because I will. Anakin isn’t here to stop me.”

The droid goes on a burning ramble and you recall your relationship with this droid and just ignore him and sit back down to look at the three people just watching your interaction. Rey chuckles, but still looks at the droid with concern. “Wow, I’ve never heard him swear, it’s new.”

You scoff, “new is understatement.”

“Well,” Commander Dameron sighs as he turns to the control board, “enough of that, the ship should jump out of hyperspace in three, two and one.” He jumps on the pilot seat and maneuvers the ship down to a beautiful, green jungle planet that soon showed a small hidden base on the ground, hidden amongst all of the greenery. When the ship lands you can’t help but feel a tight stomach churning feeling, or as if something was going to happen. You walk out as normal as possible, you disguise your nerves and walk through the tiny base, seeing the stares and hearing the murmurs. It’s not until you walk inside a building does your gaze focus on one person, on the General they were speaking of.

Upon sight of you she dropped what she was doing and approached you and the four walking beside you. You studied her and noticed she was very small, old and pretty, yet her determination was unmistakably reconzible. Her brown eyes locked on your eyes and her eyes widened a bit as her face turned paler, as if she was seeing a ghost. Once you all finally came to a stop in front of one another, she managed a warm assuring smile that matched her greeting. “Master y/n l/n, welcome.” She grabs your hands and her gaze turns more sympathetic, “everything must be so confusing at the moment, I’m sorry, but I can assure you that we can help with any of your concerns.”

You tugs your lips into an understanding smile and nod. “Thank you, General. And as far concerns, I have plenty,” you swallow thickly and sigh, “I can’t seem to remember a lot of my past, I’ve been getting some memories back. Piece by piece, but there's still a lot I’m missing.”

The General nods and walks you further into the base. “Well to ease some confusion, I’m General Leia Organa Skywalker.”

You drop your smile and a new wave of confusion spills all over you. You blink and freeze in your spot. “Skywalker?”

“Yes,” she confirms, turning to face you as the others watched curiously, “you may have known my father, Anakin Skywalker.”

A faint smile tugs on your lips and you nod, “yes, he was my best friend, he was like my brother, and,” you suddenly cut yourself off and stare blankly at the ground as the memory slams into you. “And I knew your mother too. She was a good friend too,” tears well in your eyes and your voice sounds shaky, “you-you’re their child. I knew of you, of course you were only a fetus before, but I knew of their secret. It’s such an honor to meet you.”

The general's face expresses different emotions, but she ends up smiling softly. “And it's an honor meeting you. I’m sorry for what happened, to be thrusted into such a new place, a new year, everything must feel like a crazy dream.”

“Yeah, just about,” you nod, clasping your hands behind your back.

“And I’m sorry to put you in distress, but it seems the force has brought you here for a reason. The galaxy is yet in another war and we need your help.”

You frown and keep your gaze downcasted. “Hmm.”

“And before I go into much more grave detail, I think it’s better if we ease your mind and help recover what you've lost.” Her gaze drifts to Rey beside you and she gives her a small nod, “Rey if you could, please.”

“Of course.” Said girl responds kindly, turning to you and offering a warm smile, “we’ll find more peace outside, I can take you somewhere.”

With no choice in the matter you follow after her, leaving the two men and the General behind; walking back out to the blazing sun and the humid jungle air. Even if you knew it was impossible, part of you searched for something slightly familiar, a face mainly. But nothing, you were surrounded by new unfamiliar people. All from a different generation apparently, all just purely new.

“We can stop here,” Rey spoke up, breaking you from your train of thought and stopping in a clear spot. Proceeding to turn to you with a sweet and assuring smile, “I’m just going to need you to clear your mind and meditate. I’m going to just help you remember, heal you in a way.”

“Okay,” you nod, looking down at the new change of clothes she had let you borrow before straightening your shoulders and closing your eyes to take in deep breath, breathing them out and clearing your mind, falling into a deep state of meditation. Not feeling as her fingers gently touch the side of your temple and she slowly begins to use the force to ease your confused state; to heal what was damaged and reel back everything that had been lost in the inner corner of your brain, bringing back a huge wave of emotions that used to be well put away. Causing a pain and disturbance within you.

“Something doesn’t feel right, I sense a disturbance in the force.” A new pain shoots through your head and you fall to your knees, screaming and hearing voices and other shouts, feeling a heartbreaking pain and a breakaway.

“Execute order 66.”

The order passes over your head as you’re on your knees in pain, all you could say was just. “No...Anakin.”

The heartbreaking pain finds its source and the face of your longtime friend fades through your mind and displays an unfamiliarity in his now yellow sith eyes. As hard as you try to hold on and just confuse it as some trick, the blue eyes that belonged to Anakin were gone. You were left suffering until it was too late to notice what was actually happening around you.

“General General run! Get out of here!”

“Ahhhh!” You scream out and fall to your knees, grabbing onto your chest and crying out in pain and heartbreak as everything resurfaces and you remember yourself, remember your time before it froze. Literally.

“Y/N! I’m so sorry!” Rey exclaims as she falls on her knees before you, grabbing your hands and trying to help ease your situation.

You fall on your hands and knees and cry out to the ground. You punch it and punch it as if that was going to do anything. You last in your own little secluded, painful and heartbreaking world for a while, until you could grasp what was currently happening, where you were, what time you were in. You speak up hoarsely and unintinally startle Rey. “I remember, everything,” you croak out, slowly picking up your head to look at her with your bloodshot eyes. “The force, it kept me alive when I fell in the ice,” you sniffle, “my commander pushed me to save me and I pulled him down with me. The force kept us alive.”

Rey’s eyebrows knit together and her light eyes search you for her response. She’s caught lost, unable to find the exact wording to help you. She can only seem to cup your shoulder and try to share an assuring look. “I’m sorry. I really am. I wish I could say something to ease your pain, but I feel like there's nothing I can say.”

“Don’t worry,” you assure her before you clear your throat and push yourself to your feet, “I understand. Thank you for helping me,” you express kindly, grabbing her hand and failing to smile, “I appreciate it.”

You drop her hands and then begin your mission and walk past her, hearing her quickly catch up. “Wait, Master, don’t you want to know more? I know a way you can talk to your previous master, talk to any master and...Anakin Skywalker—”

“Don’t,” you cut her off sharply, “don’t say that traitors name again.” You whirl around and glare at her, “don’t you dare.”

Rey stops in her tracks and looks at you stunned and mouth agape, gasping at the new sudden change at the mention of his name. She wants to apologize, but you walk off towards General Organa before she could.

“General.”

“Yes, Master?”

“I need a ship.”

“Wait,” she blinks, “what?”

Your gaze drifts to Commander Dameron and Finn behind her and then slides back to her. “Rey helped me remember what I had forgotten and now I need a ship to rescue my friend. My commander.”

“But, we—”

“And I understand you need me help,” you cut her off in a cold tone, “but I need to save my friend before I can help. Your fellow soldiers promised and I promised my friend I would help him. What kind of General would I be if I can’t keep my promises?”

“Master, l/n, I know you’re desperate, but there's still much you have to learn, to know before you go running off.” General Organa tries to calm you down, “I can help, you’re struggling, you’re confused and hurting. Please wait until everything makes sense.”

You fist your hands and shake your head, “no, I can’t, but I'll hear you out after.”

“You’ll hear me out?” She questioned with a pointed gaze.

“Hmm.”

General Organa looks at Rey behind you and then at the two behind her before looking back at you with a sigh. “Fine, but I can’t let you go alone.” She turns to Commander Dameron and her face softens, “Poe, I know I may be asking a lot, but I trust you to fly her to her location and bring her and her Commander back. All of you.” She turns to Finn and Rey with the same look.

“I don’t need help,” you interject, “I can fly myself.”

“You could,” General Organa says as she turns back to you, “but I need reassurance that you’ll return, I need you.”

You look to a ship parked a few feet behind you and then return your gaze to her, adding a feigned smile and a lie. “I will.”

.

.

.

.

A/N- again depending on the interactions with Rey and Poe you guys can choose which ship you like better :) Rey and him tied so I feel like choosing as the story proceeds would be fun.

[imaginationoverspill]

Long time no see

Summary : Two years into an undercover mission, you find yourself meeting the very man you had to leave behind.

Obi-Wan Kenodi x Genderneutral!reader

The low boom of the bass permeated through the sweaty bar as Master Kenobi and his padawan moved through the crowd.

“Master are you sure this the right place ?”, Anakin mumbled to his master, uncomfortable in the civilian clothes that many of the regulars wore. His status as a padawan hidden as his braid was tucked under the shoulder-length wig.

“Yes Anakin, I’m sure and please stop fidgeting, you’re drawing attention”, he replied as he glanced around the crowd inconspicuously.

“Yes Master”.

Eventually, the pair found an empty booth in a more secluded part of the club, but also a lot closer to one of the many circular platforms dotted around that were mainly used by scantily-clad dancers of varying species and gender. One of the platforms was directly in front of Obi-Wan’s line of sight and was a lot larger than the other platforms, probably used as the main stage. At the moment it was empty as the generic low-bass music continued to play.

“So this informant, any idea how we’re supposed to find them ?”

“Patience, young one”, replied Obi-Wan.

The music suddenly changed and the lights dimmed so that the main stage was lit up. Both men looked at the stage as two twi’leks, one male and one female, start dancing along to the beat.

Here we go again. Just like every other night for the past two years, you sat in the dressing room getting ready for your performance. At least this time, you know two Jedi will be waiting for you for information. They should be easy enough to spot, even if they think they’re amazing at being disguised. Most of the time ordinary people don’t notice them when they’re not in their robes, you, however, could spot them a mile away so it didn’t really matter that you had no idea who the Jedi you were supposed to meet was. Hopefully, after you’ve dropped the info, your undercover mission will be over and you can get back to what you’re fantastic at : bounty hunting.

“Come on honey! We’re up!”, shouted Iyal’, a young yellow twi’lek that was your only friend among the dancers.

You took your robe off, revealing the provocative outfit and sauntered on stage as your back-up dancers, Iyal’ and another twi’lek, began dancing to the beat of the song. They separated to reveal you to the audience and you began singing.

As you sing and dance sensually to the song, you check out the crowd entranced by your performance in search of the two Jedi. Your gaze lands on the two men sat in a booth near one of the smaller dance platforms and you falter slightly as you recognise him.

“Kriff”

Anakin glances confusingly at his master’s swearing. The usually calm and composed Jedi master was visible flustered at the sight of the beautiful singer on the main stage.

“Master, are you alright ?”

Obi-Wan cleared his throat and readjusted himself so as not to seem affected by the performance. When he was told to meet up with an undercover agent, you were the last person that he had expected to see.

You gave it your all on the final note, the club whistles and applauses your performance. The twi’leks move off-stage as the generic low-bass music returns. You walk off-stage in the direction of the booth.

Nervous butterflies were fluttering around in your stomach despite your confident strut towards the two Jedi. Holy Sith! Why does he have to be so hot? He was already attractive when he was a padawan but the long hair and beard just make him ten times hotter.

As you reach them, you coyly sit next to the older one.

“Of all the places I thought I would see you again Kenobi, this is certainly not one of them”

“Likewise my dear”, he responded coldly.

Anakin furrowed his eyebrows at his master’s cold greeting before introducing himself.

“Pleasure to meet you”, you reply smirking and coyly extending your hand for him to shake. Despite the coldness from Obi-Wan, you still had an act to maintain.

“Anakin, why don’t you go get us both drinks whilst I discuss matters with our informant”, Obi-Wan ordered.

“But-”.

“Now, Anakin.”

He nodded his head towards you both before getting up, slightly concerned at his master’s strange behaviour.

“ Master”, you say as if testing the way it sounded. “It suits you.”

“Yes well ... thank you”, he coughs. You smile slightly, glad you could break his impassiveness, even if only for a moment.“From what I understand, you have some information on a potential terrorist attack”

“It’s always straight to business with you, even when we were younglings”

“I hardly see why that’s a bad thing”

You smirk at him before gently removing a disc hidden in your bra.

“This disc has everything I could gather without being caught”

Obi-Wan briefly glanced down but quickly looked away before you noticed where he was looking.

“Your effort is greatly appreciated by the council”, he curtly replied as he took the disc from you.

You felt disappointed at the lack of reaction. You always knew that if you did ever see him again, the encounter would be at the least awkward, but you still hoped that somewhere deep down, he was happy to see you.

The sound of shouting above the music catches your attention. Anakin was stood with his fists clenched and struggling to stay calm as a Rodian screeched at him. The second you look at the scene, you notice a determined group walk in your direction. You recognise them immediately as henchmen from the separatist group that run the club as cover.

“Fuck, we’ve got to get out of here. Grab Anakin and meet me at the back”. If they figure out that you’re with a Jedi, your cover will be blown. You get up to meet the group of intimidating aliens, still maintaining your flirty persona.

"Hi fellas, what can a gal get ya’ ?" You flirtatiously greet.

" How about two Jedi scum.", growled the big Trandoshan. You try to hide your nervous giggle.

" Oh sugar, if that's what you want, you ain't gonna find any here"

"Really", he stepped closer to you, "then why did we catch you chatting them up." Crap.

"Oh, don't be silly. Those two fellas were just here for a good time. Here, let me grab you fellas some drinks, on the house"

You quickly turn away to escape but the Trandoshan roughly grips onto your arm. You slam your heel into his foot, causing him to yell in pain and let your arm go. Time to get out of here. You start running and pushing through the crowd of semi-drunk club-goers.

"GET AFTER THEM !"

The group draw their blasters and run after you.

You manage to run out into a dark and dirty alleyway with a dead-end.“Not so fast”, two Devaronians block both sides of the alleyway, cutting off your escape route. Oh, crap.

Suddenly the sounds of lightsabers and blaster fire catch your attention. Upon the rooftop, you spot the two Jedi deflecting blasts close to the edge. They make quick work of the thugs attacking before Obi-wan notices the trouble you’re in the alleyway below as the two Devaronians trapping you rush at you.

Without much thought -and to Anakin’s confusion- he calls your name and throws his deactivated lightsaber to you. You catch the lightsaber and ignite, smirking at the two thugs who suddenly stopped at the sight of the blue blade. They start firing their blasters but you gracefully deflect the bolts back to them before swiftly cutting one of the Devaronian’s arm off and roundhouse kick him in the face, incapacitating him. You promptly twist to face the other thug who had stepped back slightly in fear. Swinging the sabre skilfully, you use the force to pull the blaster out of his hand before slamming the hilt into his face, effectively knocking him out.

Both Jedi smoothly leap down from the roof to join you.

“You’re a Jedi ?!”, exclaimed Anakin incredulously.

“Was. I’m not any more.”, you admitted.

“Yes well, let’s get out of here”, said Obi-Wan, quickly cutting off whatever Anakin was about to say to your reply.

The three of you headed out of the alleyway and headed to the parked speeder hidden in the shadows. Upon approaching the speeder, you noticed that only seated two people and stood awkwardly looking at the men, wondering how we were going to get around the problem. Obi-Wan noticed the same issue as you. As Anakin sat in the driver’s seat, he took his place in the passenger’s side and simply patted his lap. You flushed at the action. When you didn’t immediately move, he looked at you with a slight smirk and raised an eyebrow.

Over the past two years, you became used to the flirtatious smirks and sexual remarks from both attractive and unattractive customers whilst working in the seedy club in the lower decks of Coruscant. You were used to dancing provocatively in front of an enraptured audience. But one simple hand gesture from him and suddenly you were blushing mess. You also realised this is the first time that he’s somewhat smiled since seeing him again. This only made you blush more. In an attempt to mask how flustered he made you, you moved to gently sit in his lap. He wrapped his arms around your waist to secure you, making you blush even harder and making the resurfaced butterflies flutter crazily in your stomach but thankfully he couldn’t see your face. Anakin, however, saw the entire exchange but decided not to say anything. He’ll have to question his master later.

Anakin flew the speeder to the Jedi temple, much to your reluctance. After the feeling of disappointing your master by leaving the order, the thought of ever returning made you feel queasy and the warmth of his arms wrapped around you didn’t help. As Anakin landed the speeder, Master Yoda, a blue and white astromech droid and a gold protocol droid greeted you. You stood behind the two Jedi, hoping to be ignored by your former master. No such look as he greeted you :

“Good to see you, it is, my former padawan”

“Master Yoda”, you greeted, bowing in respect, “it has been a long time.”

“Have become a fine Jedi, you would, but become an invaluable ally, instead you have. If correct, your information is, prevent losses, it may. Hmm. Been prepared for your arrival, a room has. Show you the way, C3PO will. Discuss further action with the council, we must. Talk later, we will.”

During the walk to your new room, you ignored the ramblings of the protocol droid as the familiar corridors of the Jedi Temple made you feel nostalgic. You remember the times you and Obi-wan would get in trouble as children. You shared everything with each other. But as you got older, you developed a crush that no amount of meditating would get rid of it. You had to hide your feelings as it was against the code to form attachments. However, it was far too late. You thought by distancing yourself more would make a difference but no matter what you did, his smile, his laughter, everything about him would make your heart flutter. Dismissing the droid once when you reached the room, you decided that a shower was in order.

The sound of the door knocking pulled you from the meditative state you had been in. After your shower, you started your bedtime ritual which included a small meditation session. Since leaving the order, you were no longer obligated to follow their rules and rituals but nothing helped calm you down better than meditating. It was currently three o’clock in the morning and so you definitely were not expecting anyone to come knocking. You opened the door :

“Obi-Wan ?”

“I realise it is far too late and I should be leaving you to rest but I can’t sleep.”

You silently gesture for him to come in before closing the door. As padawans, it wasn’t unusual for one of you to go see the other when we had difficulty sleeping. Nothing had to be said. You started making two cups of tea as he sat on the small couch near the window of your room. He wasn’t wearing his robes but a thin cotton shirt and trousers. For a brief moment, you both felt like padawans again.

As you handed him his tea, he shifted and the moment of nostalgia was over :

“I’ve come to apologise”, he started, “I was unfairly rude to you and I would also like to apologise for blowing your cover”.

“I somehow don’t think it was your fault. Something tells me that they had known about me long before you even turned up”

“You suspect they knew you were a spy ?”

“Yeah, call it a gut feeling”

He nodded in agreement, stroking his beard. You didn’t think he could be any more attractive but the sight of him sat on your couch in his casual clothes made everything seem intimate. You had to tear your gaze away from the hand near his mouth, hoping he didn’t sense what you were feeling.

“I hated being there anyway, so I’m definitely not upset over never having to go back there ever again”

His brows furrowed at your statement :

“More so than here ?”

“What ?”, you reply in confusion.

“I - Did you hate it there more than being at the Temple ?”

You looked at him, wondering why he would ask such a question. Normally, you would just ignore such a question and try to change the subject, but had been a very tiring day and something about the moment just made you want to give in.

“I never hated being at the Temple.”

A heavy silence followed your answer. When you left the order, you promised you would never tell anyone your reasons, afraid of rumours would spread and Obi-Wan’s devotion to the order and the code would be put into question.

“Why did you leave ?”

“Obi-Wan, I-”

“No please. I never understood why you left. I thought you were happy at the Temple. I remember the fun we had as children.”

“Obi-Wan please -”

He gently picked your hands up and held them, gently rubbing the back of your hands with his thumbs. The rough but soft caress of his thumbs made you feel weak and you felt resolve crumble.

“I loved you”, you quietly whispered. Hoping maybe he hadn’t heard you, but the sudden freezing of his thumbs confirmed that he had.“ I tried not to”, you quickly added. “ I tried so hard to be a good Jedi but it didn’t work. If anything it made me love you more. So I left. I didn’t want to ‘corrupt’ you. I knew how much becoming a Jedi Knight meant to you.”

You couldn’t look him in the eye, afraid of what you’ll see. Afraid that he would turn cold again and that it would truly be last time you ever see him again. Instead, you heard him move closer and felt his forehead gently rest against the side of your face. Confused, you gently turn your face to him so both of your foreheads rested against each other. He had his eyes closed and you closed your own. You could feel his warm breath softly flow over your face he slowly leaned in more. His nose brushed softly against yours as his lips pressed to yours. Your lips touched for a few seconds before he leaned in more, deepening the kiss. One of his hands moved up to gently cup your jaw.

After what felt like hours, but probably was only a few minutes, you both separated. You were in a daze and felt on top of the world.

AN : I had to repost this because Tumblr glitched, but anyways here it is. I spent way to much time on this and I’m still not entirely happy with it but I hope you enjoy it !

PS : Please tell me I’m not alone in struggling to find titles for their fanfictions.

[thicctails]

Summer of Whump Day 12 [Death/Rebirth]

A direct continuation of the last one!

Ω

 The room was quiet when Tech entered, the only sound being his and Omega’s breathing. He slowly inched forward, trying his best not to look at the glaringly obvious wound on Omega’s back. He took a seat, folding his arms and resting his head on them. Today had been a complete mess, and he was still processing it. Their chips weren’t supposed to activate! Crosshair was suppose to be the exception, not just a warning of what was to come! Thank the Maker for Rex, he wasn’t sure what they would have done without his help.

 A shudder runs through him at the thought of Wrecker’s chip activating while they were on the ship or on a mission. Hell, he could have easily ended their lives in their sleep at any point. Apparently, they had all been one blow to the head away from becoming killing machines. Today had proved that the chips truly took away any semblance of control, because Wrecker would never have hurt Omega if he could have helped it.

 ‘But,’ Tech thought sadly, ‘he still did.’

 Wrecker had hurt Omega, and it wasn’t just a little injury. Her neck was purple with bruises, and he could still couldn’t bring himself to look at her back. He knew he’d have to, she’d need to have bandages applied soon, if the bacta did its job, but he wanted to avoid it for as long as possible. He’d hurt her, and Tech wasn’t sure how to feel. He wanted to feel angry at Wrecker, wanted to have someone close by who he could take his anger out on, but he knew it wasn’t his brother’s fault. It was the Empire who had put those chips in their heads, in all of their brothers’ heads.

 He settled on feeling mad at everything.

 Omega shifted slightly, her face scrunching up in disgruntlement. Tech frowned, unsure of how to help. Was she having a nightmare? Was she in pain? He couldn’t tell.

 “What’s going on in your head, little one?” He asked softly, taking one of Omega’s hands. Her hands were so small compared to his own, and he was once again reminded of how young she really was.

   Omega blinked, finding herself in familiar darkness. Waves of purple and blue rippled around her, ebbing through the void. She tries to move, and discovers that, unlike before, when she had felt grounded and normal, she now feels much lighter.

 ‘I wonder if this is how clouds feel.’ She thought, smiling as she floated around.

 “That’s an interesting thought, young one.”

 The voice surprises Omega, and she spins around to see a man standing before her. He was dressed in long, brown robes that hung loosely off of him. He had long hair that flowed over his shoulders and his eyes were a kind blue. An aura of blue light seemed to emanate from him.

 “Who are you?” Omega asked.

 “A friend. Would you like some company?” The man asked, not quite answering her question.

 Omega shrugs. “Sure. Not like there’s much to do here.”

 The man chuckles a bit and sits down, crossing his legs. “Yes, I suppose this place isn’t the most entertaining for a child.”

 Omega sat down as well. “Yeah, you’d think a dream would be more interesting.” She frowns. “Wait, if I’m dreaming, why are you here? I don’t know you.”

 The man’s smile turns a bit sad. “This is no dream, young one. You are in the Between.”

 “The… what?” Omega was confused.

 “The Between is the place that exists on the line between life and death. You haven’t passed on yet, but you are close enough to that point that you can exist here.” The man explained, gesturing to the void around them.

 Omega looked at her hands, then back up at the man. “So, I’m dying? Isn’t there anything I can do? Are you dying?”

 The man shook his head. “I passed on years ago. The best thing you can do is find peace and wait to see what the Force wills.”

 “Peace? How can you tell me to find peace?! I’m dying!” Omega yelped. “That’s not something you feel peaceful about!’

 “You are strong in the Force. Your body might be gone, but your soul will remain. There is nothing to fear.” The man said, trying to calm her down.

 “Easy for you to say, you’re dead! Look, maybe you were okay with dying, but I’m not.” She huffed, getting to her feet.

 “Where are you going?” The man asked, sounding somewhat amused.

 “I’m gonna find a way out of here. I need to tell Wrecker that what happened wasn’t his fault!” Omega said, looking back over her shoulder as she picked a direction and started walking.

    She did not find a way out.

 Omega groaned and flopped down when, for the third time, she ended up back where she started. The man was still there, looking over at her as she visibly deflated.

 “This sucks.” She muttered.

 “Giving up?” The man asked.

 “Well I don’t really have a choice. There’s no way out, so I guess I just have to wait and see if I die.” Omega sighed, tears starting to form as she felt frustration build in her chest.

 “If you give up, you almost certainly will. You must have faith in yourself and in the Force.” The man said, patting the space beside him. “Come, I’ll show you how to meditate. Connecting with the Force isn’t a bad way to pass some time.”

Omega looked uncertain, but moved to sit next to the man.

 “So, are you going to tell me your name, or am I going to have to call you “dead bearded dude” forever?” Omega asked, not afraid to sass a ghost.

 The man actually laughed at that. “You remind me a great deal of my padawan. He always had a quick remark ready on his tongue. My name is Qui-Gon Jinn, but you may call me Jinn.”

 “Your padawan? You’re a Jedi?” Omega questioned.

 “I was. I died before… well, before everything went wrong. I wish I had been able to stay around longer. I had never wanted to leave my padawan alone like I did. I’m not sure he ever found peace after my passing.” Jinn said, sounding remorseful.

 “I’m sure he misses you. I don’t think I would get over the death of someone I cared about very easily, if at all.” Omega said, staring out into the shifting darkness.

 “Jedi aren’t supposed to mourn. We believe that there is no real death, just your life returning to the Force.” Jinn responded.

 “Wow. That sounds…” Omega frowned, her brow wrinkling, “really awful. No wonder the Force is mad at you guys.”

 “What?” Jinn reeled back a bit, not at all expecting Omega’s statement.

 “Yeah. It said that the Jedi ruined someone named Anakin. I think he was the Force’s favourite.” She said.

 Jinn blinked. “How do you know about my grandpadawan?”

 “The Force told me. I was created to be Force-Sensitive, so I have an unnaturally strong connection.” Omega explained.

 The ghost’s eyes widened.

 “Oh Maker, that- that is not good.” He whispered. “How the hell did they manage to piss of the Force?!”

 “Maybe by teaching this Anakin guy your terrible ideas on life?” She deadpanned. “Did you tell him to not mourn and also to just be at peace with dying?”

 “Something like that…” Jinn said, putting a hand on his face.

 “Jedi suck.” Omega said simply.

 “They can.” Jinn agreed. “But not all of them are bad. My padawan tried to help Anakin, but he didn’t understand how bad things were until it was too late. The guilt he feels from his failure is so great, I feel it even as we speak.”

 “What happened to them?” Omega asked. “Your padawan and Anakin?”

 “Anakin has fallen to the Dark side, and he now acts as the Empire’s attack dog. My padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, now resides on Tatooine. He watches over Anakin’s son.” Jinn said. “If you would like, I could ask him to train you. I could tell right away that you were strong in the Force, even before you told me to what extent. I’m sure you and him would get along extremely well.”

 “I don’t think I’ll be doing any training for a while.” Omega said. “I- I got really hurt today.”

 “I know. The Force felt your pain, and we could feel its alarm.” Jinn said sympathetically. “What happened?”

 “I’ve been travelling around with a group of clones who’s chips didn’t activate right away. Today, one of theirs did, and he ended up chasing me down into the bottom of a Jedi cruiser. There was lots of steam and really hot metal, and, and…” Omega shuddered at the memory, phantom pain rippling through her.

 Wait, was that phantom pain?

 “It seems as though the Force doesn’t wish for you to join us yet.” Jinn said, pointing to Omega’s hands. They were becoming more and more transparent as the seconds passed.

 “What’s happening?” Omega cringed as she felt another wave of pain hit her, a couple of tears dripping down her cheeks.

 “Don’t be afraid. You’re waking up.” Jinn said quickly. “Consider my offer, little one. Reach out to me when you have healed.”

 Omega tried to respond, but found herself unable to. She felt heavy, and she started to fall into the void. She blinked, and the world went white.

    Wrecker hovered by the doorway, unwilling to go in. When he’d woken up, his memory had been fuzzy for a moment. His head had ached a bit, but nothing like it had before. He’d been shocked to see the muzzle of a blaster pointed at his face, and even more surprised to see that it was Rex who was holding it. He’d held up his hands instinctively, shrinking back in shock. He must have done the right thing, because Rex’s face had softened and he had moved the blaster away. Once he’d gotten over his surprise, he’d asked why Rex had been pointing a blaster at him.

 His stomach had dropped when he got his answer.

 He’d been standing just outside the door for a while now, needing to see for himself that Omega was alive, but also not being able to bring himself to face her after what he had done.

 He’d been assured that no one blamed him for what had happened, that it was the chip’s fault. But it hadn’t been a piece of metal in his brain that had grabbed Omega by her little throat and slammed her against that burning hot steel. That had been him. How did you even begin to apologize for something like that? Could you even apologize for that? Or had he just irreversibly shattered his relationship with Omega?

 “Wrecker.”

 Rex’s voice brought him out of his own head. The blonde was standing on the opposite side of the doorway, looking at Wrecker expectantly.

 “Aren’t you going to go in?” He knew that Echo was sleeping in the room, so he kept his voice low.

 “No, uh, I don’t think so.” Wrecker murmured. “I think I’ll stay out here.”

 “For how long?”

 “Forever.”

 Rex sighed. “Wrecker, you can’t keep avoiding them.”

 “But what if they all hate me? I wouldn’t even want to be around me after what I did.” He said, crossing his arms as he looked away.

 “No one hates you, Wrecker. You were a victim, too.” Rex said.

 Wrecker didn’t respond, still looking down at the floor as Rex laid a comforting hand on his arm.

 “Just remember, Omega is going to need all of her buirs while she recovers.” Rex said, smiling as Wrecker startled at the title.

 The burly man turned the word over in his head. He’d only ever been a vod before, and he’d never even once consider that he might someday be something more. The idea wasn’t an unpleasant one; he actually liked the idea of being seen as a parental figure, but how could Rex even think that Omega would still think of him as such, if she ever had before.

 Suddenly, he heard a familiar yelp, followed by a thud. Instinctively, he jolted into the room, eyes wide with fear when he saw Omega on the ground. Tech, who seemed to have been dozing off, had startled awake, knocking over the chair with how fast he stood up.

 “Omega!” He gasped, stepping forward to help her up.

 Tech beat him to it, the younger clone easing Omega into his arms with extreme care. Omega instantly buried her face in his chest, shivering as she whined in pain.

 Hunter and Echo practically materialized beside Tech at the sound, and Wrecker didn’t miss the way Hunter’s hands twitched upwards, like he wanted to take Omega from Tech and hold her himself.

 Perhaps Rex hadn’t been too far off when he’d called them her buirs.

 “What happened?” He asked, shuffling a bit closer.

 Tech’s eyes flickered up towards him, and he silent exhaled in relief when he saw no traces of the hatred he had been expecting to see.

 “I don’t know. She was sleeping just fine, and then she suddenly woke up and fell off the cot. I think she’s feeling her injuries.” He said, quickly looking towards Rex. “Where is the sedatives? We need to give her a low dose so we can reapply the bacta.”

 “It’s in the cabinets. Wrecker, grab a sedative from that cabinet there!” Rex barked, rushing over to a different cabinet. Wrecker obeyed without question, retrieving a pack of needles with a green liquid within them.

 He gives the sedatives to Tech as he set Omega down. The girl wasn’t too happy about having to release Tech, and she clung to him as she cried. Tech looked at Hunter for help, needing to administer the sedative but not wanting to make Omega even more upset. The man instantly brought Omega into a hug, holding her while Tech opened a needle. He whispered reassurances as Omega tucked her face into his neck, shivering all the while.

 Finally, Tech managed to get the sedative ready and he stuck it into Omega’s neck, grimacing when she squeaked in pain. After a few tense minutes had passed, Omega relaxed, still breathing hard as the sedative kicked in. Rex came over soon after with some more bacta, and they quickly applied the healing substance. Omega pulled her face away from Hunter’s neck and looked around the room, her eyes wet and still a bit wild looking. Her eyes met Wrecker’s, and the enhanced clone realized that he was now in the very room he had just been trying to avoid.

 “Hey Wr-wrecker,” She said, her voice still shaky, “how’s y-y-your head?”

 To his complete and utter surprise, she smiled at him as best she could. It was a little bit wobbly, and it looked like it was hard to keep it there, but he could tell she wasn’t forcing it.

 “It’s- it’s good. I’m okay now.” He said, rubbing the back of his head.

 “Oh, g-good! I was w-worried ‘bout you.” Omega said, leaning against Hunter’s chest as she shakes.

 “Me? You shouldn’t worry about me, Omega. I’m not worth worrying over.” He said, shaking his head. Omega frowned, her eyes becoming misty.

 “N-no! It’s not your fault! You weren’t in control!” She argued, trying to sit up. She hissed when her back muscles were moved, and she was quickly eased back down as Echo gently pushed on her arm. “Please don’t blame yourself.”

 She sniffed, and Wrecker quickly put his hands up. “Okay, okay you’re right! I won’t blame myself! Please don’t cry…”

 He moved closer to her, kneeling down in front of the cot. She reached a hand out, and Wrecker slowly took it gently. She squeezed his hand, blinking away tears. She breathed, struggling a bit from her throat muscles being deeply bruised.

 “I-I,” He started, looking down as he tried to think about what to say, “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am, Omega. I tried to control it, tried to stop, but I just-”

 “Couldn’t.” Omega finished. “I know Wrecker. It’s okay, I forgive you.”

 “Don’t.” He said instantly. “Don’t forgive me, at least not yet. I gotta earn that.”

 Omega huffed but nodded. “Okay Wrecker, if you say so.”

 Wrecker nodded, more to himself than to Omega. He kept holding her hand as Echo applied bandaged, the clone trying to avoid touching Omega’s skin as much as possible. After around half an hour had passed, Omega’s eyes began to droop. She yawned and, upon deciding that Hunter would make a good pillow, leaned into him and settled down to sleep. Hunter didn’t dare move, lest he disturb Omega. Even when she fell into a far more peaceful sleep, she kept a sturdy hold on Wrecker’s hand.

     Pillow sniffed the air, trying to figure out where Warm One had gone. Blue Stripes, a new human that had apparently joined their group, had led Warm One’s pack into this large, broken metal den, and they had yet to come back out. He’d brought her doll, just in case they were staying here for a while. Pillow hauled his way up into a vent, wiggling through the cold metal space. He could hear something moving around up ahead, so he followed it, eventually ending up above an open room. He poked his head down, cocking his head in confusion.

 There was a human standing in the room, staring at something in his hand. He wore the same colours as the other members of Warm One’s pack, and he smelled extremely similar to them, but he didn’t recognize him.

 ‘Must be a lost clutchmate.’ He thought sadly. ‘Poor human. Don’t worry, I’ll bring you back to your pack!’

 He dropped down, sitting on his haunches. He honked a greeting as the human whirled around, his weapon raised. Ah, he must not understand that he was here to help. Humans had practically useless noses, after all. They needed to use their eyes to identify each other.

 Pillow dropped the doll, nudging it towards the human. He pauses, then picks up the doll, turning it over and examining it.

 ‘See? I know where your family is!’ He thought.

The human stares at the doll, then at Pillow.

 “Where did you get this?” He asked, and Pillow thinks that his voice is a bit… cold.

 Ignoring that, he sniffs the air again. It takes a moment, but he eventually picks up the scent of blood and tears and familiarity. He honked, now worried. Was Warm One hurt? Was that why she hadn’t come back?

 ‘Hold on, Warm One. I’m coming!’ He thought, taking off down the hallway. The new human was quick to follow.

[cloudyskywars]

Back to December is about Anakin and Obi-Wan and here’s 2,000 words why

So there I was, listening to Back to December, you know, as one does. And then I nearly started crying because this is without a doubt an Anakin and Obi-Wan song. I roped my friend @renegadeontherunn into doing a full song analysis with me. The whole analysis is based from Anakin singing this to Obi-Wan immediately after the events of Return of the Jedi. So everyone’s a Force Ghost, and feelings ensue. Enjoy the angst! 

The analysis will be below the cut, because as I said, it’s approximately 2,000 words. 

I'm so glad you made time to see me/ How's life? Tell me, how's your family?/ I haven't seen them in a while - Obi-Wan’s family was the Jedi. And Anakin has spent the past twenty five years hunting down the Jedi, eliminating them one by one. And now that he’s one with the Force, he’s gotta be wondering, “Are the other Jedi here too?” because he may not have realized it, but they were his family as well. I’m just imagining Anakin asking Obi-Wan where everyone else is, and Obi-Wan having to tell him that not everyone stayed with the Force the way that he and Yoda did.  

Your guard is up and I know why- Obi-Wan’s guard probably wasn’t up, but Anakin would expect it to be. He rightfully feels guilty, and probably expects Obi-Wan to hate him and not trust him anymore. 

Because the last time you saw me/ Is still burned in the back of your mind - on Mustafar, Anakin literally burning, the image no doubt haunting Obi-Wan ever since. In Obi-Wan’s 20 years on Tatooine, how many times do you think he replayed that memory in his mind? You were my brother Anakin, I loved you/I hate you. (grouped with previous two lines)

So this is me swallowin' my pride- Anakin as a Force Ghost, standing in front of Obi-Wan. He’s asking, begging for forgiveness, even though he knows he doesn’t deserve it. Anakin was always prideful for a Jedi, and this is him humbling himself and asking for Obi-Wan’s forgiveness (for so many things; Order 66, turning to the dark side, killing the Jedi, killing him)

Standin' in front of you sayin' I'm sorry for that night - the night Anakin fell to the Dark Side, their fight on Mustafar, and also probably the last 20+ years of him as a Sith and causing so much death and destruction. He’s sorry for so much, but especially that night when everything went wrong. 

And I go back to December all the time - he revisits that battle in his mind constantly, still hating Obi-Wan as Vader, but feeling deep (deep deep) down, an enormous sense of regret and guilt, and especially at the end when he reunites with Obi-Wan

It turns out freedom ain't nothin' but missin' you - We see in Episode 2 that Anakin feels that Obi-Wan is constantly holding him back, preventing him from reaching his full potential (feelings no doubt put there by Palpatine) Once he turns to the Dark Side, he believes he is stronger than ever, (“I’m stronger than the Emperor, I can overthrow him.”)and so most likely feels “free” from Obi-Wan and the duty of being a Jedi. But we know that he learned, eventually, that all the Dark Side brings is loneliness and despair. “It is in this blazing moment that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the Sith — because now yourself is all you will ever have.” 

Wishin' I'd realized what I had when you were mine - Anakin spent much of his time as Obi-Wan’s Padawan feeling less than and like he was never good enough for Obi-Wan. Then, when he finally became a Knight, he still felt held back by the Jedi. In reality, he had a substantial support system there waiting for him, ready to help him, that he never realized existed. He had the tools and the people he needed to be a successful Jedi and to have a happy life and to stay in the Light, but he didn’t use them. And now he’s wishing he had. That he’d recognized his and Obi-Wan’s friendship when he’d had it.

I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright- Can you IMAGINE the regret Anakin is feeling right now? After 25 years of being the terror of the galaxy, Darth Vader, he has finally returned from the dark and knows all the bad things he’s done, and now recognizes that they were bad things. He slaughtered younglings, helped strike down the remaining Jedi, even took away the clones’ free will. Just imagining the pure regret that he must be feeling at this moment. 

These days, I haven't been sleepin' - REVENGE OF THE SITH ANYONE??? We know for a fact due to the Matthew Stover novelization of ROTS that Anakin was getting almost no sleep during the events of the movie. I believe when he Fell he had been without sleep for,,,, at least three days? (I think it was five but I’m not sure)  Anakin please take a nap. Nightmares!!! But also, as Vader, I’m pretty sure Anakin doesn’t actually need to sleep or at least doesn’t need a ton of it, so again he’s literally not sleeping and only sustaining himself on the Dark Side.

Stayin' up playin' back myself leavin'- Do you think- do you ever think that during his time as Darth Vader, he would constantly replay those days when everything fell apart in his head? I’m specifically thinking about the scene where he marches on the Jedi Temple. Granted, in that scene, he isn’t leaving, per say. He’s returning home, but it is no longer the place he calls home. I imagine that scene playing on repeat in his mind, because that’s the moment that he passed the point of no return. Before that, yes, he had already screwed up, big time. But he hadn’t crossed the line yet, I don't think. 

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times- At this moment I’m sure he’s feeling loads and loads of guilt and regret, as discussed above. But I can’t help but think he’s also thinking about the good times he shared with Obi-Wan and Padme. (Padme specifically because of summer and Naboo for that one good week, where they fell in love and it was beautiful.) And although his relationship with Obi-Wan was strained near the end (and eventually fell apart) there were good times, times that they both cherished. During his time as Darth Vader, he probably looked back on those memories with hate. But now that he’s Anakin again, he is probably remembering those times fondly.

I watched you laughin' from the passenger's side- [insert gif of Obi-Wan smiling in the speeder] 

And realized I loved you in the fall - in the Fall. This could be for either Anakin or Obi-Wan. There must’ve been a part of Anakin that knew he was lying when he shouted “I hate you!” and felt happy when Obi-Wan said he loved him. And for Obi-Wan, he knew he loved Anakin, he had just never said it to him before. The only time he did was when Anakin had Fallen and was dying. And he probably regretted that with every piece of himself during his exile on Tatooine. 

And then the cold came, the dark days - There are so many instances where Palpatine is connected with the cold, with darkness, with everything that is the opposite of the Jedi and, more importantly, of Obi-Wan. The darkness referred to here is the Dark Side, when it became overwhelming and Anakin fell.

When fear crept into my mind - Anakin’s already-intense fears of never being good enough or Obi-Wan not reciprocating Anakin’s love were intensified and heightened by Palpatine’s influence and him planting even more fear and doubt into Anakin’s head. This fear and this doubt in his friendship with Obi-Wan was ultimately one of the reasons he fell. Yes, it was his fear for Padme’s life that really did him in. Anakin was known as “The Hero With No Fear.” But there at the end, he became a person full of fear, and as we know: “Fear is the path to the dark side … fear leads to anger … anger leads to hate … hate leads to suffering.”

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye -Again, this is Anakin finally realizing that Obi-Wan did love him, that he was a good Master for him, and it was Anakin who hadn’t seen it, who had betrayed him. There is a quote from the book Lords of the Sith in which Vader acknowledges his betrayal of everyone he loved. Palpatine: “‘You were a traitor, were you not, Lord Vader?... To the Jedi. To Padme. To Obi-Wan. To all those you loved.’ Vader: Vader did not know the answer his Master wanted to hear, so he simply answered with the truth. ‘Yes.”’

I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind- Talking about guilt, again. Without a doubt, Anakin would go back to where it all went wrong if he could. He wouldn’t turn, he’d save Padme, he’d do everything differently if he could.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile/ So good to me, so right- Obi-Wan was so good to him. Obviously in a platonic sense. But Obi-Wan was the best Master for Anakin, and you can’t change my mind. Even if they had a rough start and maybe Obi-Wan should have had some time to recover from his Master dying before he took on his Padawan of his own, but I digress. He did the best he could with Anakin, and was most likely far more patient and understanding than other Jedi Masters would have been. Of course at the time, Anakin did realize this and only resented Obi-Wan. Hindsight is 2020, and Anakin would have only realized after everything went down how good Obi-Wan was to him. 

And how you held me in your arms that September night/ The first time you ever saw me cry - This one doesn’t exactly fit because apparently Anakin and Obi-Wan never hug in canon and that is a crime (Filoni and Lucas I’m coming for you). But I am pointedly ignoring canon and choosing to believe that when things got really hard or bad, (after Satine died, maybe even after Ahsoka left the Order) they hugged. Maybe it was a sad hug, the kind where one of them breaks down in tears and the other just holds them as they cry. But I am confident that they have hugged, so this line applies to them. Fight me on it, I dare you. (I’m kidding but only partially) 

But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right - After realizing how wrong he was in becoming Vader and how his relationship with Obi-Wan wasn’t one-sided, and especially after seeing the pure, selfless love of Luke, which ultimately brings him back to the Light, Anakin is no doubt thinking of the millions of ways he could’ve done better. He wants Obi-Wan to know how sorry he is and that, yes it took him all these years, but he’s learned his lesson. If he could do it all again, which he probably wants to, he would do it right this time. He swears to himself (and to Obi-Wan) that if he just gets this second chance, he’ll do everything right. 

I'd go back in time and change it, but I can't- Anakin knows he can’t go back and fix everything, no matter how much he may want to. All he can do is ask, beg, even, for Obi-Wan’s forgiveness

So if the chain is on your door, I understand - the metaphorical chain isn’t on Obi-Wan’s door, of course, he’d always welcome Anakin back. He wanted nothing more than to see Anakin succeed as a Jedi and be happy, and so of course he’s ready to see Anakin again, to forgive him. But still, Anakin doubts Obi-Wan’s love and his own worth and braces himself to be rejected, even though Obi-Wan’s arms are open. (this might be niche but think: doctor who, “You betrayed my trust, you betrayed our friendship, you betrayed everything I ever stood for. Do you think I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?”)

And, that’s it! If you read this entire thing, Fiona and I love you from the bottom of our hearts. As you can tell, we feel a lot of things about this song, and hope you enjoyed our analysis! 

[ironmandeficiency]

our love will (never) end

pairing: dogma / reader

word count: 3414

summary: all you wanted was for dogma to come back home but you don’t recognize the broken man that comes off the ship coming straight from umbara.the next time he sees you, he doesn’t recognize you either.

warnings: implied canon typical violence, angst af, umbara happened, lemme know if smth was missed

a/n: don’t say i didn’t warn y’all. no beta just me drinkin’ my dumb bitch juice

you’d spent more than half your life around the clones, had become used to their presence since your mother was recruited to train them in combat. had even helped with the youngest ones when they were fresh from their tubes, washing the fluids from them before wrapping them in their first set of clothes. the clones had become your brothers and friends, and they were much better company than the longnecks that occupied tipoca city.

once you were old enough, you joined them in their training. you learned their battle techniques, the subtle languages they spoke without uttering a word, you were one of them.

that’s why the losses sustained at the battle of geonosis, the first true test on the training they spent their lives surrounded by, wounded you so deeply.

days after the battle you were able to weasel your way into the records kept by the longnecks. it took you nearly hours to finish scanning the holo list of numbers, and only seconds for the grief to thrum through your veins, to settle into your bones. so many of your friends were lost that day, many that you had given names to, and your shoulders were aching under the weight of a loss that substantial.

then they were assigned to generals, jedi that probably wouldn’t care about who they were as men, as living beings with hearts and minds and souls that were far more different than the origins of their creation led people to believe. kamino had never been so empty as it had been once battalions were formed and assignments given, thousands of soldiers being sent to war.

the solemn emptiness took some getting used to, as did the togruta jedi sent to kamino to oversee the functioning of the cloning facility. she was kind though, and none of the clones appeared afraid of her so she was okay in your book. the one thing that you had yet to get used to was the fear you’d see in the eyes of a clone before their first assignment.

even though this is what they were raised to do, was what they were told by the longnecks was their only purpose (it was banthashit and you never hesitated to express as much), there was still a residual fear because they had seen brothers come back from the battlefield. they also knew that not all of them returned to their battalions once they left the front lines.

this knowledge was common, and there were many secrets told to you by long dead men about things that would have gotten them into trouble with immeasurable consequences. things they did to pass the time, things that made them happy like singing or writing poetry. it didn’t take you long after bonding with the clones as a young child that you realized that you were different than them, that you were lucky to be able to play and smile and be a child.

you lamented this discovery to your mother once. all she said was that the soldiers were dealt a shit hand by the galaxy and that they were lucky to have you to make it better for them. then she would tell you bedtime stories and fairy tales she knew good and well that you would relay to your identical brothers young and old.

but these days, you weren’t allowed to show the clones that kindness, that silliness that you were able to have with your brothers all those years ago. you were an adult now, and as such you would soon be expected to aid in the training of the republic’s soldiers despite a lack of actual outside world experience. you hadn’t left kamino since you arrived here as a child and had never used your training in a real-life situation.

what if you failed them? what if you taught something wrong and it resulted in their CT number being the next to show up on the lists of casualties? you were quaking with fear at the trust being placed in you.

which is why you were sitting outside during the kind of downpour kamino was known for, each raindrop heavier than your heart. no bother was given to your sopping wet state nor to the fact you’d get sick from this.

then you were joined in the rain by a familiar form.

“your immune system isn’t made to withstand this weather for very long.” some would have thought him to be uncaring, even callous and dickish with his words, but not you. this was the way he showed he cared about you — very seldom with those exact words, and never in a way where someone he didn’t want to know could see that he cared.

your eyes flitted up to his before returning their focus on the crashing waves around you. “my heart wasn’t made to withstand you leaving me.”

he sank to the ground beside you, the sound of his breathing being heard once he removes his helmet and lays it down beside his sitting form. an arm finds itself around your shoulders, pulling you into his side, a gentle kiss being placed against your rain-slick temple.

his touch warms you from your nose to the tips of your toes in spite of the cold rain pouring down. it was something he was able to do effortlessly and it never failed to bring a smile to your face. “i’m never truly gone, cyare. you’ll always be able to find me no matter where i am in the galaxy.”

a gloved hand found your shaking ones, his thumb smoothing over the top of your hand in an attempt to quell the shaking. you squeeze it in thanks and let yourself be pulled into his lap by it, your face quick to nuzzle into his neck.

“promise me you’ll be safe, dogma.”

“of course, my love.”

when he joined the five-oh-first comms were as frequent as possible, and when you weren’t able to talk to him, your eyes would be glued to the casualty reports that made their way to kamino. his number was never among the most of the dead, thank the stars, and that knowledge would sustain you until he would finally have the chance to talk to you again.

it was late into the night cycle when your private channel beeped, signifying an incoming call from dogma.

“that last mission… it was rough, cyare. i’m sorry i couldn’t comm you sooner.”

“never apologize, i know it’s not easy out there.”

dogma could never grow tired of the way you were so patient for him, for the things he did day in and day out. it made what he was about to say even harder for him.

“this next mission isn’t going to have any free time, we’re being sent planetside on umbara within two rotations. i don’t know how long the planetary takeover will last, but there won’t be a moment where we’re not unconscious or fighting. i won’t be able to talk for a while, my light. please understand.” he sounded almost in tears, like there was a lump in his throat trying to keep the words from escaping, to keep from hurting you.

you didn’t like to hear him like that. your strong and brave dogma crippled by emotion was never a comforting experience, especially when you couldn’t hold him and guide him out of the dark spaces his mind crawled into.

“never feel guilty for doing your duty, for keeping your brothers safe. just be sure you come home to me when your duty is done.”

“i’ll always come home to you, i swear it.”

the longnecks were in a tizzy three days later, rambling about a defect on the front lines. the sounds of a panicked kaminiise was not a sound you thought you’d ever hear again after what happened on christophsis. you eavesdropped plenty but you could never catch a CT number or a planet or a battalion name which infuriated you to no end. it was time to check the most recent records to see if you could find something there.

the morning cycle was minutes from beginning when you made your way to an unrestricted holoscreen where several reports were pulled up. your eyes scanned the writing; there was the familiar list of the dead, several more numbers sending waves of grief to crash against your soul.

information about how three members of the five-oh-first defied orders and flew umbaran ships in a successful attempt to destroy the separatist ship giving supplies to the enemy, and the death of one of the troopers involved in the unsanctioned air raid, one ct-6969 — hardcase. another wave crashed against your weary heart and was beginning to turn your insides into a hurricane that kamino’s oceans could only dream of rivaling.

there were details about the botched execution of two clones who defied the aforementioned direct orders from a general pong krell, ct-27-5555 and ct-5597 — fives and jesse.

pong krell wasn’t dogma’s general, wasn’t the general of the boys in blue. that was anakin skywalker and dogma spoke highly of his jedi general the few times he was brought up in conversations. pong krell, even though you’d never had the displeasure of meeting the besalisk in person, knew of his reputation.

he was cruel and vicious, using the lives of those under his command as rungs on his own ladder of wartime success. many of the brothers you loved perished under his commands and his name was an eyesore.

most jarring was the depiction of how a clone shot general pong krell in the back, and how the clone’s sentence was to be decided upon once they arrived on kamino.

that meant one of three things: euthanization, reconditioning, and experimentation followed by one of the former options. none of them are by any means pleasant, but you hoped for that trooper’s sake that they were allowed peace no matter their offenses.

but now one question remained: who killed the jedi general? why was his CT number not mentioned in the files? you had to talk to dogma, to make sure he was safe, that he was finding healthy ways to grieve the loss of hardcase, to cope with everything this report says occurred on the shadow planet.

“i know you said you wouldn’t be able to talk while on umbara but i just read the reports sent to the longnecks. i’m scared and i need to hear your voice for a second, just a second, please.”

“i heard about hardcase,” you sniffled and swallowed your grief for one of your dearest friends in the name of supporting your beloved. “what him and jesse and fives did… the death of the jedi. please answer me, i need to know you’re okay.”

“you know i wouldn’t ask this of you any other time, but please give me something, tell me you’re alive! tell me you survived the carnage of pong krell!”

“dogma, answer me please! you’re scaring me!”

“ner kar’ta, please don’t make me add you to my remembrances. please, dogma, don’t make me do it…”

“dogma… ni kart’ayl darasuum.”

fitful sleep came with you clutching your commlink against your heart, tears falling like rain. there was a good chance that maybe he was mangled beyond recognition, or maybe they haven’t noticed he was missing yet. there had to be a reason dogma wasn’t on the list of the lost and why he hadn’t answered you.

then your commlink crackled you life. “who is this and how do you know dogma?”

did fate exist only to torment you? that’s what it felt like in this moment.

“i’m not answering any questions until you tell me where he is and how you found that commlink.”

logic told you that the person on the other end was indeed a clone, but your mind was too jumbled for you to recognize who it was. you had to clean up the mess your love left behind you and dogma, anything to keep him from punishment.

“the name’s fives, the comm was confiscated when we… when we had to court martial him for disobedience.”

disobedience? dogma? those words may start with the same letter but they couldn’t be more juxtaposed if the words themselves put effort into it. then your mind reminds you of details from that karking report and you suddenly feel like you had been tossed into the roaring waves below you.

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?!”

the arc trooper grew enraged in his grief, in the horrors of what he saw on umbara and the audacity you had to accuse him of hurting his brother. “he did it to himself! he did it to protect us all from that demagolka even though no one ordered him to! when no one had the courage to do it, not even rex!”

what did your cyare do? your heart was in denial of the ideas your brain supplied because now they were leading to the same place.

“was he the one that killed krell?”

silence.

“fives! was he the one to-“

“yes! kriff, it was him! he’s the one who did it!”

dogma remembers the besalik’s traitorous admission and the way he manipulated dogma for his own benefit, to divide his brothers enough to keep them from revealing his plan. the way he and the five-oh-first fired on their own brothers, how their own brothers fired on them. naive death caused by what dogma discovered was the blind loyalty he heard others talk about when it came to following orders.

he remembers the feeling of the bracers around his wrist as he was escorted to the laat, the nods from his brothers as they give him respect he isn’t sure he earned for killing the man who caused them so much suffering.

the only thing that his mind doesn’t bring to his attention is the commlink that was stripped from him when taken into the umbaran cell, the only means of communicating with you without taking immeasurable risk.

he’s halfway to kamino by the time his mind registers that it isn’t with him and it’s the first true fear he’s felt since he was led into the cell by his own brothers and krell revealing how he manipulated every last one of them.

his thoughts drifted to what would become of him once he returned to the planet he was born on, the planet where he met the only sunshine he had to speak of on the shadow planet that sealed his fate. he hopes to see you before he’s punished for his actions but that’s uncertain. there’s no guarantee that you’re going to know he was returning, even more so under the circumstances that he’s coming back under.

there’s one certainty dogma has through all of this: he’s going to die on kamino. but if he’s able to see you in person and hold you in his arms one last time, then he’d accept death with open arms.

the last thoughts that run through his head as he’s being pulled from the ship and into longneck custody are of talking to you only days before, when things were still okay, when there wasn’t friendly fire instigated by a traitor, when dogma hadn’t killed a jedi.

his duty was in fact done, and he was coming home, but there was no guarantee that you would be part of that home, not after what he’s done.

you fail. despite the strength of your love and determination to find him, you don’t.

in all your years of finding longneck secrets and reading their reports, there was nothing on dogma. there was no record of his presence here and it was chilling. you knew the sorts of things that could be found in reports (and they were by no means pleasant), but if even these assholes weren’t going to keep digital record of it, it must be bad.

no one even saw the arrival of the ship dogma was carried in and there was no footage from any of the docks’ security cameras. your lover was a ghost, a wisp, a memory. even the cadets that dogma had known before he deployed (slightly older now, almost ready to be sent to the front lines) seemed to forget about their ori’vod.

it was as if dogma didn’t exist outside of your own head. like he was a figment of your imagination that you would conjure when the nights got lonely. you frequently drew his v tattoo in hopes of you keeping its pattern fresh in your mind because dogma deserved to be remembered. for his sacrifice, for his loyalty, for how deep his love ran not just for his brothers and the republic, but for you.

months flew by with endless searching, digging through files and scouring the base when no one was around. it was all in vain. dogma was no more; at least, not the dogma you knew.

you had found a new normal in your life on kamino. taking up the torch of training young cadets that your mother carried before you, doing your best to ensure their survival in a war built to destroy. dogma was carried with you always, but you stopped asking others about him, resigned to keeping him in your heart like a deep secret. what little hobbies one could find on the rainy planet were indulged as you tried to refill the time you allotted to talk to your cyare before he faded from the memories of his brothers.

since obtaining your new training role, many of the clones looked to you as an authority figure and not an equal. you were a superior now, and they treated you as such. there were no words in any language that you could find that could convey how uncomfortable you were with that, not when you had grown up with so many of them, had swaddled them when they emerged from their growth tanks.

although, there was one clone whom you called a friend these days that didn’t treat you with the same rigid respect his batchmates treated you with. his name was novak; he was kind and loyal and attentive, and if you squinted under the bright fluorescent lights you could see the faintest outline of a geometric v on his face.

that had to be your imagination playing tricks, you reasoned. you’re mostly sure you had seen that same shadow on the face of every clone in the days after dogma’s supposed return to kamino. then again, nowadays you only had this thought around him and no one else.

“got my assignment,” he told you one day over breakfast. “the 327th, under general secura and commander bly.”

“i hear she’s a great jedi, novak. you’ll be in good hands.”

he nods and hums in acknowledgement around a bite of food. there’s a look on his face that tells you he’s deep in thought and for a moment you think you’re looking at a ghost, but then his eyebrow ticks up and the illusion fades.

“my squad and i, we’ll be headed to felucia. and i, uh, wanted to ask you something before you left.” his demeanor changes. before he was casual, relaxed, and you had no idea what switch flipped that now had him fidgety and with the beginnings of a stutter. “could i… could i possibly comm you while i’m there? my batchmates are gone, and i don’t really have anyone else i want to talk to. but if that’s something you’re not comfortable with then you don’t have to do anything i wouldn’t want to cross any bound-”

a finger pressed to his lips ends his rambling. “novak, i would like that a lot.”

it took two weeks.

novak spent two weeks on felucia before he and most of his squad were either killed by droids or devoured by the various flora and fauna of the jungle planet.

the trooper’s last thoughts were of you.

he had been having dreams about you for months. they were of late night conversations through holo about things he had no memory of. time spent in the kamino rains holding each other tight as if letting go would be the end of life as you knew it. the love for you that seemed to have appeared overnight. you would never know these things, and novak regretted that until his last breath.

[labyrinth-runner]

This Isn’t Love

I basically took the Mustafar scene to the end of Revenge of the Sith from Padmé’s POV

Word Count: ~2k

Warnings: Well. If you’ve seen RotS then you know what's coming.

Her heart was thudding in her chest with anxiety. What Obi-Wan had said couldn’t be true. He would never have done that. Not her Anakin. Not her sweet, loving Anakin who’s love was the only thing that kept her warm at night in a cold galaxy that set her stomach in knots of dread. But... Obi-Wan wasn’t a liar. Obi-Wan was the only Jedi she trusted. Yet, her heart and her hope were telling her two different things as she piloted her cruiser towards Mustafar. She didn’t know which emotion to give into, so instead she just cried, resting her head on her hands. This day had not gone as planned. This wasn’t the life she wanted for her children.

The red ball of fire came into view and she took the ship down for a landing. She saw a figure standing there, a shadow amongst the bright backdrop. Rushing down the ramp to the hot planet below, she saw that the shadowy specter was her husband. 

“Padmé, I saw your ship-” Anakin started to say when she crashed into his arms. 

“Oh, Anakin,” she murmured. She needed reassurance. She needed him to tell her it wasn’t true. If he did, then they could go back to being a happy family. She could return to being his happy wife.

“It’s alright, you’re safe now,” he murmured, “What are you doing out here?”

What was she doing out here? She trusted her husband. A man who held her like this surely couldn’t have done anything like what Obi-Wan had told her. “I was so worried about you,” she said quickly, “Obi-Wan told me terrible things.”

“What things?” Anakin asked cautiously.

Padmé swallowed the lump in her throat, “He said that you had turned to the dark side.” She trailed off before adding the impossible truth, “That you had killed younglings.”

The father of her child could never do that. 

“Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me,” Anakin seethed.

Padmé blinked. That wasn’t a denial. That wasn’t reassurance. That was a ‘it’s me against him’ mentality. That didn’t make sense. Not when Obi-Wan had been his best friend and a friend to her for so many years. Surely Anakin knew that wasn’t true. “He cares about us.”

“Us?” Anakin asked incredulously.

 Padmé blushed, “He knows.” She looked into his eyes. They were such a strange color. Not the familiar blue that she was used to drowning in. “He wants to help you.”

 Anakin shook his head, “Is Obi-Wan going to protect you? He can't ... he can't help you. He's not strong enough. “

That dream again. She wished he didn’t put so much stock in it. It wasn’t what really mattered, “Anakin, all I want is your love.”

“Love won't save you, Padmé. Only my new powers can do that,” Anakin said like it was obvious.

He needed to see reason. She had to make him see reason. “At what cost? You are a good person. Don't do this,” she pleaded. 

“I won't lose you the way I lost my mother! I've become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of and I've done it for you. To protect you,” he said emphatically.

Padmé took his hands in hers to plead her case. If he loved her, truly, then he would listen. She took a deep breath, searching his eyes for some flicker of familiarity. A drop of rain that could douse the inferno. “Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can.”

Anakin grinned, “Don't you see? We don't have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic. I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I can overthrow him, and together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be.”

A feeling of dread made her blood turn cold. All these years since she’d fallen in love with Anakin on Naboo, she had been waiting for that other shoe to drop. She knew their love would be difficult, but she had never expected this. A man who thought like this... with ambitions like these... was dangerous. She thought she knew him, but how could she know someone like this? The man before him was not the man she thought she married. It felt like a rug was ripped out from beneath her.

“I don't believe what I'm hearing,” she said, shaking her head, “Obi-Wan was right. You've changed.”

“I don't want to hear any more about Obi-Wan,” he said dismissively, “The Jedi turned against me. Don't you turn against me.”

Turn against him? How could he say that? It was he who had turned against her, against democracy and the Republic. Against reason. Against morality. “I don't know you anymore. Anakin, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you-” Or the man I thought you were, she wanted to add- “but you are going down a path I can't follow,” she said with tears in her eyes. 

“Because of Obi-Wan?” he asked.

She wanted to laugh. How could he still think that it was about Obi-Wan? After all he had done, how could the deciding factor in this be another man and not his own actions? “Because of what you've done,” she sighed in frustration, “what you plan to do.” 

She couldn’t just give up, could she? That would mean throwing away years of a relationship without a fight, and if Padmé was anything, it was a fighter. She tried to plead with him once more, “Stop. Stop now. Come back!" she begged. Softly, she murmured, “I love you.”

At one time, that would have been enough.

“Liar!” Anakin yelled.

Padmé turned to see Obi-Wan stepping out of her ship. With horror, she realized what would happen next. She knew the man behind her, and she knew what he was capable of and what he stood for. 

“No!” she yelled, as much for her husband to understand that this wasn’t what she wanted as well as to stop the Jedi Master walking towards them.

Anakin’s face twisted into one of hurt and betrayal, mirroring her own, no doubt. “You're with him. You've betrayed me! You brought him here to kill me!”

“No!” she said emphatically, “Anakin, I didn’t! I swear-” her eyes burned with tears as she felt her air supply be cut off. She clawed for her throat to relieve the pressure that wasn’t physically there, trying in vain to alleviate her suffering. Her vision started to fade like she was drowning in the dark depths of the ocean. The world was dark and a coldness seeped in as she faintly heard Obi-Wan yelling for her husband to let her go, to stop hurting her.

Isn’t it funny? Having to ask someone who loves you to stop causing you pain. In the back of her mind, she registered how ridiculous that was. If love was true, that wouldn’t be something that would ever have to be asked. No, she thought sadly, Begged.

A faint hand touched her with kindness as the reality of her situation came crashing down around her. The man she loved was gone. Memories flashed through her mind. Her and Anakin in the meadow on Naboo. The two of them bonding on Tatooine as he started to let her in. The fear of almost losing him on Geonosis. Their wedding, holding his hand by the lake and knowing they would build a new future together, and feeling like all her dreams were coming true. The fear of being pregnant, but the joy at how happy they were about it. The love she had was endless. She thought it was enough to sustain them across the stars. But it wasn’t. She should have known it would never been enough. The Order hadn’t been enough. Why would she be? Not for Anakin. 

She remembered every time he came back to Coruscant. All those times she’d reassured him that they’d be okay. She had failed, unable to break through the walls he had put up around his furnace heart. The walls kept the flame lit, but did little for their relationship. People who loved each other didn’t keep secrets from each other. People who loved each other didn’t hide their thoughts and feelings. People who loved each other could trust each other.

Padmé felt like she was sinking, suspended in an ocean of her tears. How could someone who said he loved her hurt her like this? This isn’t love, she realized with a trembling lip.

Had it ever been?

Love was supposed to bring out the best in both people. Being with Anakin hadn’t done that. She had changed who she was for Anakin. With a swallow, she realized she’d sacrificed her good judgment and level head just to be with him, breaking the standards she held for herself, in spite of herself. Gently, she crossed her hands over her belly, wanting the comfort of the life inside her, the harsh reminder of all she had just lost, of the dream that came to an end.

A sad smile flitted across her face as she thought on the last few nights on Coruscant. He had been there, but not really, always darting off here and there without real explanation. Loneliness wasn’t new to her, having become accustomed to it during the war, but she had felt lonely when he was home. He was there, but he wasn’t her’s when he was, regardless of what he told her. 

She thought of his nightmares, feeling tears slip down her cheeks. “I couldn’t reach you.”

Folding in on herself, she started to sob. Watching how he defended Palpatine in spite of all the evidence against him, watching how he had turned against her, the one he promised to always love, for the sake of Palpatine... She knew she could never have told him about the group she had formed with Bail. She had distanced herself from him, withdrawing without even realizing it. Had this been her fault? She had reached out to Obi-Wan because she thought he could make a difference where she hadn’t. It had all been futile, hadn’t it? 

Love was supposed to be powerful, but in the end it wasn’t. Because this isn’t love, she sniffed as she straightened, how could a great love be built on so many lies and secrets? I was right. It would destroy us, and it did. The light above the surface was streaming down on her face. She started to kick towards it, propelling herself forward with tired resolve. 

She had been cold to him in the end, telling him she wouldn’t follow him, but it was the right thing to do. She knew that in her bones, because before she had been a Skywalker, she had been Amidala. Regardless of her marital status, she was, and would still always be Padmé Amidala.

Padmé Amidala was a fierce champion of others. She was a Senator, a former Queen, and a soon-to-be mother. Any power she ever sought was for the sake of love. Love for her people, love for the galaxy and democracy. It was that love for her people that made it impossible for her to follow her husband. It was that love for her people that was well known, which made the fact that he would even ask her to turn her back on them sting all the more. 

Someone who loved her would never ask her to do that.

He said this was all for her, but she wasn’t the one grabbing for power. He was. This wasn’t done out of love. It was done out of jealousy and greed, and he was too blind to even realize it. Padmé shut her eyes tight as she was about to break through the surface. Was love even real?

Padmé opened her eyes to gaze upon Obi-Wan Kenobi. In his arms were two precious bundles that she had named. They were hers. They were his. She swallowed. Could she even do this without Anakin? Would they even be safe with her? Or would they be better off without her? There were so many questions that she didn’t have the answer to, and she probably never would. Her head was spinning and her focus was gone.

She was so incredibly tired. Every breath was difficult. Her heart felt tight with the knowledge that everything she’d stood for was gone. Everything she dreamed was gone. Her hope was slowly fading. Although those two children were beautiful, they were also reminders that hurt so much to look at. 

Obi-Wan was pleading with her, but she barely heard him, eyes trailing him slowly. Yes, he will take care of them for me. She trusted him. With her life, and with theirs. Her eyes fluttered closed as she only felt her heartbeat resonating in her chest.

Good god, I’m done, she thought weakly. 

She thought of amber-eyed Anakin on Mustafar.

Her heart clenched in her chest.

Love wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Padmé’s breathing slowed to almost a halt.

How can you call this love when it hurts so much? she thought sadly.

She exhaled for the last time.

A small, quiet voice whispered, “This isn’t love.”

[incorrectclonewars]

jealously thy name

inspired by the add on to this post by @hannagoldworthy! (thank you!!) as soon as i read it i laughed because what barriss says is true, but then my mind took a turn of the aftermath of these three together and i made myself sad, but it’s got a good ending :) 

also, i’m terrible at writing.

characters: ahsoka tano, darth maul, barriss offee, anakin skywalker (mentioned) palpatine (mentioned).

relationships: darth maul/ahsoka tano (maulsoka), ahsoka tano & barriss offee, barriss offee & darth maul.

genre: angst & fluff

word count: 4133

It was a surprise when Maul asked her if it was Life Day, due to his upbringing he shouldn’t know such holidays existed, but if he did then he would find it silly and a waste of time. But then he got her a present, and said he travelled to many moons and planets to obtain it. Ahsoka was touched, she didn’t expect Maul to get her something and go to such great lengths to get it. By the size of the covered object besides him, she had no clue what he had got her.

Then he took the cover off to reveal a familiar Mirialan, and Ahsoka couldn’t hide the shock at the sight of her former friend Barriss Offee. The last time she had seen her was when Anakin brought her in to reveal that she was the true culprit behind the bombing and death of the Clones. Ahsoka was heartbroken, the one true friend besides Anakin had betrayed her - framed and left for dead. 

She didn’t understand how Barriss was alive, she herself was going to be excused by the crimes she didn’t commit, yet Barriss still lived. She shouldn’t feel angry, but she did - why was she going to die yet Barriss wasn’t? Perhaps she was but then escaped.

Whatever, it didn’t matter now. There was another problem that Ahsoka had to deal with.

At first, she didn’t expect Maul and Barriss to get along, given that the Zabrak had hunted Barriss down just for her, and she could feel the killing instinct in him when he revealed Barriss to her. Ahsoka wondered if he wanted her to kill the Mirialan - it wouldn’t surprise her.

Would she have done it? No. Despite the things Barriss had done, Ahsoka didn’t want to take her life. Perhaps she’ll have a change of heart, but hearing of her plans for Palpatine didn’t support the thought  - then again, they were all out to kill the old man, so Barriss couldn’t be blamed for that.

It was Ahsoka that managed to persuade Maul to release Barriss from her binders, and with the three of them wanting the same goal, they decided to work together. Ahsoka had given Barriss a stern look when she said those words, they were together and so no one got left behind, and there were to be no betrayals. Barriss did look guilty, and a part of Ahsoka took pleasure in that. They needed to work on their relationships to be able to work together again, perhaps not as close as they were during the Clone Wars, but somewhere similar would be fine.

Ahsoka expected some awkwardness between herself and Barriss, tense situations and bickering. What she didn’t expect however was Barriss and Maul getting along - well at that as well.

In the back of her mind, it did make some sense, but she refused to listen to it. 

She watched as they made decisions, agreed on almost everything and bicker when they didn’t. They joked around and had long talks about the Jedi - how much they were corrupted, failed at being keepers of the peace and were their own downfall. Ahsoka couldn’t join in on it, even when she left the Jedi Order, she still held some of them in high regard and carried on some of their teachings. It took her a while to see what Maul said back in the throne room was true - the subject about Anakin was avoided, she wasn’t ready for that one yet.

Yet, watching them get along so well, it hurt her. Barriss had betrayed her, Maul knew this and was angry for what her former friend had done to her, yet there he is, laughing with her. 

I thought you understood me Maul. He had told her about the betrayal of Sidious, how he left him to die on Naboo, killed his brother and mother - how the man took everything away from him. In some ways Barriss had done that to her, the Jedi Council who she once believed supported her had thrown her away, the only one to truly stick by her side was Anakin, but she still didn’t feel safe within the Order and left. Barriss made her leave her only home, a place where she felt safe with the people she loved. But that was all gone.

Hurt, betrayal and anger weren’t the only things that coursed through her veins, there was another, and Ahsoka hated feeling it. She shouldn’t be, but every time she watched them she couldn’t help but feel jealous. It was an ugly feeling that made her feel so angry at herself, yet she couldn’t help it.

In her room alone at night, she hated herself even more as tears ran down her cheeks. Unimaginable thoughts of leaving Maul and letting him and Barriss be together ran through her mind, making it all harder. 

She loved Maul - oh so dearly she did, she didn’t want to lose him or ever be apart from him, but she couldn’t help but think that maybe - just maybe - that he would be better with Barriss then herself.

It made her cry harder. 

I can’t believe I’m this weak to feel and think such things. I’m such a terrible person, maybe I don’t deserve Maul after all.

“Lady Tano?” Speak of the devil.

Ahsoka froze, her sobbing stopped at the sound of his voice. How didn’t she not notice him come in? Was she too deep in crying to notice? Using one arm she wiped her eyes and cheeks, Ahsoka cleared her throat before replying. “Yes Maul?” It came out hoarse, and she cursed herself.

The metal of his feet was loud, and Ahsoka sunk further into herself as he got closer. A small flinch when he sat down on the bed behind her, she managed to take two deep breaths before he asked.

“What is wrong?”

“Wrong? Nothing’s wrong?” An obvious lie, but she didn’t want Maul to know why she was crying her eyes out.

“Forgive my my Lady, but your tears and strong feelings of sadness and guilt in the Force says otherwise.”

She bit her lip, but a small gasp left them as she felt one of Maul’s hands on her own, his thumb softly brushed over her knuckles and his fingers curled over hers. Like always it made her relax, but not as much as all the previous times. 

“I do not know why you feel such ways. But if I am the cause I profoundly apologise. Please, tell me what I have done to make you cry and feel this way?”

He spoke with such guilt that it made her own increase, Ahsoka turned back to look at him and -

Oh - Oh no. He looked guilty, the corner of his lips down and his eyes holding so much sadness. No, no this isn’t your fault Maul. 

“Please, don’t feel that way Maul.” Ahsoka begged. “This isn’t your fault, it’s mine.”

He looked at her confused, his eyes glowed in the darkness that made him even more beautiful. “What do you mean?”

She didn’t want to tell him before, but hearing him blame himself was out of the option. Ahsoka took a deep breath before she explained. “When we decided to work with Barriss to take down Palpatine, I wanted all of us to trust each other so we are able to work together. I still have ways to go with Barriss, but you and her get along so well. I was happy - well, I am happy! But....” She clicked her tongue, finding trouble to speak the next words. “Every time I see you two together and getting along so well, I can’t help but feel....jealous.”

“Jealous?” Maul’s eyes widened as he looked at her with shock. Ahsoka slowly nodded, her cheeks a darker hue from embarrassment.

“I don’t mean to feel this way. I’m really happy that you two can get along well! I hate that I feel jealous and have these thoughts of you being better with her then me. I don’t want to lose you Maul yet I keep feeling this way.” Tears gathered at her eyes again as she broke down. “I’m such a terrible person. 

“Ahsoka.” Maul’s hold on her hand tightened and his other hand gently on her cheek, her heart leaped at the sound of her name from his lips. “You’re not a terrible person for feeling this way, I -” His hands held her flesh tighter, the sadness back in his eyes. “It is my fault for making you feel this way.”

“No.” Ahsoka shook her head and placed her hand on his cheek, pulling herself closer to him. “No, you are not at fault - this isn’t your fault.”

“But I have made you feel this way -”

“It is my own.” Ahsoka interrupted him. “I trust you Maul, yet I feel jealous when you two are together. It makes me think if I don’t trust you enough.”

“Do you trust me with your life?” He asked. 

Ahsoka nodded. “I do.”

“Do you trust me to not go with another woman?”

“I do.”

“If you were to die in my arms, would you trust me with your life to finish off Palpatine and not take the power for myself?”

“Yes.”

Of course she trusted him with all these things, after spending so many months and years with each other, how could she not?

But then he asked her something different. “Do you trust Barriss with your life?”

Her body froze once again, if she was asked this back when she was in the Jedi Order she wouldn’t hesitate to say yes. But now...

Ahsoka swallowed. “No.”

Maul hummed, and brushed over her knuckles again. “I think, that you and Offee need to have a talk.”

Ahsoka nodded, her mind becoming clear. “Do I feel this way because I don’t trust her?”

“I think so.” Maul nodded. “I do not blame you however, she was part of the reason you left the Jedi Order.”

Ah, there was the other thing that made her feel this way. “There’s something else.”

Maul looked at her and gave a tilt of his head, waiting. This was the hardest one for Ahsoka to admit, but if they were to work it out, then she needed to tell him.

“When you started to get along with Barriss, a part of me felt hurt because of what she did to me, and you knew that.”

Surprisingly, Maul didn’t look guilty as she thought he would. Why was that?

“Offee has told me how much guilt she feels for what she has done to you.” Oh, so Barriss had opened up to Maul about it, that must be why he reacted that way to her words. “I have encouraged her to talk about it with you, but she feels that you do not want to speak to her at this time.”

Ahsoka bit her lip, truth be told, she also wanted to talk to Barriss about it, and she too never felt the right time to do so. However, the time looked closer now. Ahsoka did want to talk to Barriss about it, she doesn’t think she can forgive Barriss just yet, but the talk would certainly help put parts of their trust back together.

“Ok.” Ahsoka nodded. “I’ll talk to her about it.” She then looked at Maul, and gave a small smile. “Can I stay here for a bit?”

Maul smiled at her, her heart thumped like crazy and he pulled her closer so she rested against his chest, his arms wrapped around her protectively. “Of course my Dear, for as long as you need, you can stay in my arms forever if you would like.”

She giggled and snuggled up to him with her arms around his torso, leaning up on her knees, she placed a kiss on his cheek and smiled wider. “Thank you.”

His lips pressed against her forehead and rested his cheek between her montrals. “Any time, my Love.”

Snuggled up in Maul’s arms, Ahsoka felt immensely better after telling Maul her feelings. She was happy they talked it out without any screaming, she had heard many couples breaking up after this sort of thing and feared the worst. But she and Maul were unlike other couples, the things they have gone through allowed them to trust the other differently then regular couples, perhaps that’s why they are still together, wrapped up in each other's arms.

She only hoped her talk with Barriss would go down a similar route.

 --------------------------------------------------------

It was raining the next day, the shuttle that offered them more then enough shelter had never come in more handy; keeping the rain and cold out and letting it’s occupants stay dry and warm.

Maul however, could not stay like that for very long, he was meeting up with someone who works under his Shadow Collective in the small town. The shuttle was away and hidden in the rocks, so Maul would have to walk a fair distance and will no doubt be soaked when he reached both destinations of his meeting, and back at the shuttle.

“I’ll be fine.” He said to a fussing Ahsoka, she had always taken care of them both when they had to do things like this. Maul didn’t really understand it until it was him who had to be left behind while she met up with someone. 

Also - he liked the attention and care he got, the only person who had come close to care about him this way was Savage and Mother Talzin. 

“Just be safe ok.” She said with worry. “Palpatine still has eyes out even without the stormtroopers. I don’t want you to get hurt or captured.”

“Understating me, aren’t we my Dear?”

“No, I’m caring about you.”

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her body as he kissed her temple. “And I appreciate it. I’ll only be gone for an hour or so, I have my commlink if I need your help.”

Ahsoka smiled, “Good.” and kissed him sweetly. Maul couldn’t help but melt, everything she did to him made him feel like falling to his knees and swearing an oath to her alone. 

Whispering against her lips, he reminded her. “Will you have your talk with Offee today?”

Ahsoka nodded. “Yes, and I hope to be done when you get back.”

“Take as long as you need.” He said, and kissed her once more before pulling away.

“Good luck.” She said as he walked out, Maul gave her a nod before the door slid shut, and proceeded with his journey.

 --------------------------------------------------------

Ok Ahsoka, you said you would have this talk with Barriss and promised Maul it would be done by the time he arrives back.

She rubbed her hands together nervously, her back against the wall near the door Maul walked out of seconds ago. You can do this - it needs to be done.

With determination, Ahsoka straightened her shoulders and walked into the cockpit where the Mirialan was already seated, her body jumped when Ahsoka walked in, her eyes looking at her in the corner before retreating. 

Ahsoka took another deep breath, “We need to talk.”

Blunt and straight to the point, this was the best way to go. 

Barriss actually looked at her, her face in shock, and then understanding. She must know what Ahsoka meant - she had talked to Maul about it, and now that Ahsoka knew that Barriss did want to talk to her about what she caused all those years ago, it gave Ahsoka more of a stepping stone to finally get it started.

“Of course.” She gestured at the space next to her for Ahsoka to sit, Ahsoka followed but sat a bit further away, there was a bit of hurt in Barriss’s eyes, but it quickly went away as she talked. “I’ve wanted to talk to you for a while, but I didn’t know if you were ready.”

“I know. Maul told me about it, and I think it’s time we finally had it.” 

Barriss nodded and took a deep breath, it looked like she was just as nervous as Ahsoka was.

“Can I start?” She asked, Barriss looked taken back but nodded. “Thank you.” She fiddled with her fingers and tried to calm her nervousness with a few more deep breaths. “When we met in the Clone Wars we quickly became friends, despite our differences. We got closer over a short time and I started to see you more then as a friend, like a best friend. And when the bombing happened and I saw you so upset, I wanted nothing more then to hug and comfort you, but I got called away to find the culprit.”

Steady breaths Ahsoka. She could already feel the tears gathering. “I never thought it was you of all people, and you framed me for it all.”

“Ahsoka -”

“The Clones arrested me, the Jedi Council exiled me, and the Republic was going to have me killed because of the things you did. What I want to know is why?” Ahsoka looked at her former best friend, her voice in a desperate tone. “Why did you do it Barriss? Why did you do all those horrible things and frame me for them?”

Barriss looked guilty, and rightfully so. Her signature reeked of it as well as sadness, but Ahsoka wasn’t going to let it all go just because she could feel all of that. Barriss needed to talk - to explain the things she had done.

“I explained why I did all those things when Master Skywalker dragged me there to confess.” Well, she wasn’t wrong there. “And for why I framed it on you, I wanted you to see what I saw and what everyone else didn’t. The Jedi were supposed to be keepers of the peace, but ever since we had joined the Clone Wars, it all stopped. We didn’t save the slaves from Jabba the Hutt but helped him with his problems. We couldn’t save the people in poverty but could help their leaders, we couldn’t even go back and save one of our own as the Jedi saw the missions were too important.” 

With every sentence the anger filled in Barriss but Ahsoka made no move to stop her, she wanted to know Barriss's reasons and these were what they were. “We kept ignoring those in need in favour of the Republic, the Jedi were too focused on the Republic’s opinion then those who needed help. I came to see that but no one else did.” Barriss then looked at Ahsoka, a new set of determination in her eyes. “I thought you of all people would see some of it, you and Master Skywalker were different from other Jedi, you openly cared about each other and disobeyed orders. But I could see that you couldn’t truly see the problem and I needed you too.”

Ahsoka couldn’t help herself “Why?”

Barriss gave her a sad smile. “Like you said, we were friends, and I too came to see you as a best friend as well. I couldn’t leave you in such a place like that. I thought after everything that you would finally see what I did, and we would leave the Jedi Order together.”

The Togruta looked at the other woman in shock. Barriss wanted me to leave with her. She didn’t want to be alone, she wanted me to stay with her. “Did you plan on the execution?”

“Truthfully I didn’t know they would go so far.” Barriss admitted. “If Master Skywalker hadn’t found me then I would have freed you.”

“Were you really?” Ahsoka cocked a brow, she couldn’t help but really ask Barriss this.

Barriss nodded. “Yes, I would.”

Ahsoka hummed, neither agreeing or disagreeing. Silence followed, both of them taking in what had been said and revealed. It gave Ahsoka a new perspective on what Barriss had done, her actions were still awful and horrid, but they had more of a deeper and personal level then Ahsoka was expecting. 

“I’m so sorry Ahsoka.” Barriss broke it silence. Ahsoka looked to see her beginning to cry. “I didn’t mean for all of this to happen to you. I know my reasons don’t excuse my actions, they were wrong, but I needed to prove a point.”

“Why didn’t you just come to me and tell me about it all?” Ahsoka asked. “I might not have been in the same mindset back then as I am now, but I would have taken all the time to understand and help you.”

“I didn’t think you would, but I wish I did.” Barriss admitted, the tears now falling down her cheeks. “I really am sorry Ahsoka. I know there’s a very slim chance that you’ll forgive me and I don’t blame you, I just want to know that I hated how much I hurt you.”

Ahsoka’s heart broke to see Barriss in such a state, she had seen the woman sad, but she had never seen her cry. She moved forward to sit closer, and gently brushed the tears away. Barriss's eyes widen as she watched Ahsoka, her own hands shaking at her lap.

“It’s ok. I know by all that you’ve said and your feelings through the Force that your word is true. It still hurts and I can’t forgive, not yet, but I think I can in some time.”

“You can?” Barriss’s voice quivered as she spoke, still shocked by Ahsoka’s words. 

Ahsoka nodded. “Yes. It will take time, but I’ll get there.”

“Take as long as you need.” Barriss said, and helped wipe away her tears. “Do...Do you think that we can be friends again?”

“I do.” Ahsoka spoke truly, her anger had increased greatly, the betrayal was still there, decreasing - but still there. “Maybe not as close as we were before, not right now as least, but we can start now.”

Barriss sniffed and nodded. “I’ll like that, very much.”

Oh Force, now there were tears in Ahsoka's eyes. 

The Togruta did the unthinkable and pulled Barriss in a hug, the Mirialan froze on the sudden action but quickly melted and wrapped her arms around Ahsoka, tears freely falling down of their cheeks as they embraced.

Ahsoka had hoped that their talk would be similar to her own with Maul’s, and she couldn’t be happier that it was, and turned out to strengthen their trust and bond with each other. 

Not as close as they were before, but they’ll get there. Ahsoka could see it.

 --------------------------------------------------------

Maul was more then happy to rid himself of the soaked black cloak that stuck to his skin, placing it on a hook to let it dry and let the water drip onto one spot. His gloves laid on the side to achieve the same thing as his cloak.

He noticed there was no noise except the humming of the heating, which he was glad he got installed and was on this very moment. Ahsoka said she was going to talk to Barriss when he departed and from the silence, he wondered if it ended badly. 

He searched for her signature in the Force and was surprised to feel it so relaxed, the same was for Offee, and he was more surprised to find the signatures very close together. Maul followed them both and entered the cockpit and stopped dead on his tracks.

Ahsoka and Barriss were seated at the round couch, a table in the middle which mostly held drinks and food, but it became a spot for papers of information. They were leaning against each other, their shoulders touched as did the sides of their heads, eyes closed and breathing relaxed like their bodies.

They were sleeping, and Maul made careful movements to grab a blanket and put it over them. Standing back, he couldn’t help but smile. They had talked it out and from the looks of it it went well, hopefully this would help them trust each other once again, and help Ahsoka’s worries of her jealousy.

His hearts still clenched from last night, he didn’t want her to be jealous of him and Barriss, he loved Ahsoka dearly with both of his hearts and she assured him that it wasn’t his fault. Though her lack of trust in Barriss was a part of it, Maul still couldn’t help but think that he was involved more then Ahsoka thought.

He should do something about it. 

Scratch that - he will do something about it.

Maul would show Ahsoka that she was the only one for him and rest her worries.

For now, he’ll let them rest, change into a clean set of clothes and set the shuttle up for it’s new course. They still had a Sith Lord to destroy. 

[hellowkatey]

Febuwhump Day 14

Prompt: “I didn’t mean it”

Part 2 of Hell in Hoth

Read Part 1 here

Read on AO3

The Ground is My Halt

The Force feels wrong. Obi-Wan wrong. Without explaining himself, Anakin breaks out into a run and Rex reacts instantly. The mouth of the tunnel is just ahead, and as they run the figure of Obi-Wan comes into view. His saber is drawn, arms pulled back in the classic opening position of Ataru, which is the first clue that something is wrong.

The second is their old training bond tightening with such force it nearly makes Anakin trip over himself. Master? He says through the bond, and Anakin's chest tightens.

"Obi-Wan?" he yells, trying to get his attention, but his former master's eyes just widen, and his arms go limp. His lightsaber clatters to the ground, and Obi-Wan follows soon after, his lips moving but nothing that Anakin can make out. "Obi-Wan!"

He grabs Obi-Wan by the shoulders and turns him over so he's lying on his back. "I'm fine," Obi-Wan gasps, his pupils blown and glassy. "I'm okay."

Anakin looks up as Cody comes running. "What happened?"

"I was gonna ask you the same thing!" Anakin gripes. Obi-Wan's chest is rising and falling shallowly, wheezing with every breath. "It sounds like his lung collapsed." Anakin slips his hand from behind Obi-Wan's back to get a better grip but the dark red that now stains his glove catches him off-guard.

"Turn him," Rex says, also seeing the blood. They carefully flip a half-unconscious Obi-Wan onto his side, and Anakin draws in a breath at the sight of a quickly spreading stain of blood soaking through his parka. He curses under his breath, grabbing his saber and cutting through the material of the coat. What it reveals makes a new rush of anger slip through.

Pieces of fabric-- pieces of his tunic, it appears, though they are bright red instead of beige now-- hang sloppily off a wound in the center of the right side of his back.

"Why didn't you know about this?" Anakin asks Cody, not bothering to filter his annoyance. It's not the commander he's mad at-- it's his dumbass master who definitely tried to hide this without telling his companion.

"I don't... I don't know, sir," Cody says, muted. Anakin immediately regrets his tone, but he has no time to deal with that. From the blue tinge of his lips, Obi-Wan may not have time.

"We need to get him back to the ship!" He grabs Rex's busted commlink and pulls his own off his wrist. It was also broken in their fall, but Anakin assumes there are enough parts between the four of them to do a quick fix. It takes him only a few minutes to rewire the comlink, using the intact speaker of his and the localizer of Rex's. He hands it back to Rex. "Call for evac."

__________

It doesn't take long for the med unit to reach them in the ice lab. Cody stands out of the way, watching a Kix and Helix carefully load General Kenobi onto a stretcher and strap an oxygen mask across his pale face. Skywalker is pacing, and Rex is running alongside Kix, probably explaining the situation.

That should be me giving the brief, Cody muses, following behind them. I was with him.

Skywalker's harsh tone hit Cody harder than he expected it to. Usually, he is immune to the curt words of the temperamental Jedi, but the intensity he looked at him is what seems to be weighing on him. The slanted stare that is usually directed at their enemies suddenly aimed at him.

He's scared, Cody reminds himself. It's quite obvious that the Jedi aren't always good at practicing what they preach, and the Hero-Without-Fear or whatever the holonet likes to call Skywalker have obviously never met the kid. When it comes to Kenobi or Tano, there is only fear. Understandably so. Even Cody was thrust into a panic when he saw his general crumble. He didn't know if there were enemies hiding somewhere and managed to snipe him, or if the lab had been rigged. But now, the wound was already scantily dressed, and now Cody just keeps racking his brain as to what could have happened.

Why didn't you know about this?

They were falling. The ship became unbalanced and they fell from what felt like one end to the other. Cody knows Kenobi managed to use the Force to cushion his fall, but maybe... maybe he didn't use it for himself?

It sounds preposterous, but a part of him isn't surprised. General Kenobi is well known for having more regard for others than himself. Even when it comes to the clones. No matter how dispensable they are by principle, he never cared. It's why he's so respected, so fiercely beheld by his men.

Cody wonders how they would react if he didn't come back. They're in the evac ship, crowded around the stretcher while Kix and Helix try their best to stuff sterile bandages into the wound. Skywalker stands in the corner, arms crossed and face hardened, but his eyes are unfocused. He is somewhere else entirely right now. Rex puts a hand on Cody's shoulder but says nothing. Cody prefers it that way. If General Kenobi doesn't come back, it would be his fault. He knows that.

Everything happens in a blur. They get back on the ship and General Kenobi is whisked away before the gunship even has a chance to fully land. The urgency of their actions doesn't escape Cody. He watches them solemnly as they disappear in the direction of the medbay.

Focus, he shakes away the thoughts of Kenobi on the operating table. The mission. The lab. A science lab in the middle of Hoth is not something they see every day, and he suspects it can't be for a good reason. The blood was proof enough of that.

Distracting himself will do him some good, The least he can do is his duty. He heads to the bridge to deliver the scan of the lab to report to the Jedi council.

"Commander," a voice rings out hesitantly. Cody stops and turns to see General Skywalker standing a few meters away. He salutes.

"General, what can I do for you?"

Skywalker walks up to him, his eyes seeming to attempt to gauge his emotions, but buckets don't show emotions and Cody is thankful for that.

"What did you find in that tunnel? What was all that?" His tone is more sedate now. More normal but still obviously filled with worry.

"A lab, I believe sir. I'm about to take our findings up for briefing if you would like to join me."

Skywalker nods, and they start walking to the bridge. Cody can feel the strange tension around them-- he doesn't have to be Force-sensitive to pick up on that fact. Maybe Skywalker is still cross with him. Blames him for what happened. Cody looks down at his comm, expecting a blinking light containing an update on Kenobi's condition. His commlink remains stagnant.

"I uh," the general says, quietly at first. "I'm sorry, Cody. I was worried about Obi-Wan and... I didn't mean it."

An apology is not what he expected. Cody looks at him, not exactly sure what to say here. "No apologies, sir, I should have been more vigilant."

Skywalker scoffs. "Now you sound like him. Really, though. It wasn't your fault. He's pulled that stunt on me more than once. I don't know where he got so good at hiding stuff like this."

"I hear it's the secret to becoming a master," Cody says without really thinking about who he is talking to. It's a joke he has with the med crew because of the Jedi's propensity for recklessness-- and now he's just said it to Skywalker. I've been spending too much time around General Kenobi... Cody stiffens, looking at the Jedi Knight expecting a new reason for anger, but instead, he's smiling.

"Didn't realize you had jokes, Commander," he laughs.

"Senses of humor are part of our programming, sir."

It's a pleasant diversion as they reach the bridge. The Jedi council is already on the holo, and Cody's moment of relief is renewed by the many pairs of eyes that now watch him and Skywalker carefully. Cody sets the holoscan into the projector and begins his impromptu presentation of their findings.

__________

When Obi-Wan awakes, there is a tube in his chest and a mask over his face. His body is sore and still feels like it's defrosting. He reaches up to take off the mask, but his goal is stopped by the hand of his former padawan obstructing his pathing.

"Not yet," he says, and Obi-Wan begrudgingly lets his hand fall back to his side. "You are on O2 therapy for another ten minutes."

"What happened?" he asks, his words muffled significantly by the oxygen mask but Anakin seems to pick it up well enough.

"Oh I don't know, why don't you tell me? And while we're at it, we can discuss your field-medic abilities because honestly, Obi-Wan, they're horrendous." Anakin sighs, his emotion deflating. "You had a puncture wound that shattered one of your ribs. It was fine until you irritated it and a piece of your rib punctured your lung and caused some internal bleeding."

"Oh," is all he can say in response. That all sounds about right.

"That's not all," Anakin says. "The lab. We tested the blood on the floor and..." he lets out a deep breath. "It had a midi-chlorian count, Master."

Now Obi-Wan is determined. He reaches up, ignoring Anakin's pleas to leave the mask alone. He needs him to hear this clearly. "We must find Jenna Zan Arbor."

Anakin winces at the name. Rightfully so, she captured and poisoned him with a horrible drug that basically entrapped him within his own mind.

"How do you know?"

He slips the mask down to his chin. There's no point now. "I don't know if it's her or a copycat, but she's done this before," he swallows hard. "On Qui-Gon. Bloodlet him so he would have to use the Force to preserve himself."

Anakin takes a deep, labored breath at that information, sitting back in the chair beside Obi-Wan's bed. His gaze is far away, no doubt in the remembrance of his experience under her spell. Zan Arbor tends to have that effect on them-- suddenly they are padawans once again, trying hard to defeat an enemy that is not so easily beat with the blade of a lightsaber. The worst part of the delusional scientist is that she is cunning. She escaped the prison Obi-Wan helped put her in and has proceeded to evade them ever since.

Obi-Wan puts the mask over his mouth and nose once again, taking a moment to replenish himself.

"So we find her?"

"Yes, I believe that is our next step."

Though neither of them says it, they both know the thoughts of the other: this is not going to be an easy reunion.

[padawanlost]

I still, up until this day, have no idea why the council held such a personal dislike towards anakin. Aside from the “he’s too young” or “he feels too deeply.” Didn’t anakin try to follow the rules? Unpopular opinion, but the fandom tends to drag how Anakin was the embodiment of rebellious and recklessness at every turn but... he’s really not?

The Council’s behavior around Anakin had NOTHING to do with who he was as a person. Just like Obi-wan’s ‘pathetic life-form’ dismiss, the Council’s rejection of Anakin happened before they even knew what he was. People use Yoda’s ‘fear is the path to dark side’ speech to validate de Council’s decision but the truth is that they had already dismissed Anakin before that. and even if they hadn’t, it baffles me how some people have no trouble with how a 9 years old child was treated. Anyone who looks at 9 years old and gives up on them because ‘they don’t like a good person’ or that they are ‘beyond helping’ is an asshole. The audience may know, but at that point not a single character knew what would become of Anakin. 

Like Anakin, I was well past infancy when I began my training at the Jedi Temple. There was much concern about whether I was too old to learn the ways of the Force, that my Cerean childhood might cloud my judgments, but … I am not certain of how to express myself. My mind tells me I should feel empathy for Anakin, but my instinct tells me something else. [Ki-Adi-Mundi in Ryder’s Windham’s Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]

What disturbs me most of all is Anakin Skywalker himself. It is not in my nature to make assumptions about anyone based on appearance, and yet I find it almost alarming that the boy looks so entirely unremarkable. If I didn’t know better, I would have dismissed him as a harmless raga-muffin. [Ki-Adi-Mundi in Ryder’s Windham’s Jedi vs. Sith: The Essential Guide to the Force]

This is cruel. A raga-muffin is defined as ‘a poorly clothed often dirty child’. They recognize Anakin’s extreme situation, they know he was a former slavery who had just been separated from his mother but their reaction is: ‘I don’t trust him’. a bunch of grown men treat a poor, traumatized child coldly because they don’t trust HIM. Is that the wisdom I am supposed to blindly admire and defend? The one that dismiss everyone who doesn’t fit in? No, thanks.

There was no sympathy for Anakin.

Inside, Anakin Skywalker faced the Jedi Council, standing in the same place Qui-Gon Jinn had stood some hours earlier. He was nervous at first, brought into the chamber by Qui-Gon, then left alone with the twelve members of the Council. Standing in the mosaic circle and ringed by the silent assemblage, awestruck and uncertain of what was expected of him, he felt vulnerable and exposed. The eyes of the Jedi were distant as they viewed him, but he sensed they were looking not past him, but inside. They began to question him then, without preliminary introductions or explanations, without expending any effort at all to make him feel comfortable or welcome. He knew some of them by name, for Qui-Gon had described a few, and he was quick to put faces to names. They questioned him at great length, testing memory and knowledge, seeking insights at which he could only guess. They knew of his existence as a slave. They knew of his background on Tatooine, of his mother and his friends, of his Podracing, of Watto, of everything factual and past, of the order of his life.  [Terry Brooks. The Phantom Menace]

And yet, Anakin tried so hard to fit in. This super rebellious, ‘fuck you, council’ Anakin the fandom uses to justify the Council’s behavior only exists in the clones wars (2008). Yes, Anakin have always broken rules and had difficulties acting as the perfect Jedi but he never openly defied the Council. If you watch the movies it becomes obvious that Anakin always submitted to them (even when he didn’t like). His greatest defiance (his marriage to Padmé) shouldn’t count as justification for the Council’s behavior because they found out the truth. 

Anakin was submissive. The only time openly challenged the Council to the their face was when they denied the rank of Master and we we all know how that short-lived:

Most of the time, Anakin was really insecure. When he was growing up he desperately needed Obi-wan’s approval. Later he needed Padmé’s support to go after Shmi and later Obi-wan. 

[Padmé] put the cup down on the small table beside her. “Even though you’re concerned for Anakin—and I know you are, so don’t bother with the stoic-Jedi act—I imagine you’re not very pleased with him right now. But you should know, Obi-Wan, he did not disobey his orders lightly.” Startled, he stared at her. Then he pulled a wry face. “Which time do you mean? When he left Naboo for Tatooine, or Tatooine for Geonosis?” “Both times. Obi-Wan, no matter what you might think, he takes being a Jedi very seriously. It’s all he talks about. Being a Jedi, and not disappointing you. He—” [Karen Miller. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space]

He was the Chosen One, they told him. He was supposed to bring balance to the Force. Anakin thought that some little extra support might go with being the Chosen One, a helping hand or at least some understanding from the Jedi Council, but instead he was passed around like an unwelcome burden, ending up with Qui-Gon Jinn and then Kenobi because nobody else would have him. His chosen status meant less than nothing; it felt more like a stigma. And they wondered why he was difficult at times. Maybe they didn’t want balance, whatever that was. Maybe nobody liked a Jedi who was that different. He felt like an embarrassment to them. I do everything you ask of me. I try so hard. When is it going to be enough? When are you going to say, “Okay, Anakin Skywalker, you’re good enough”? Karen Traviss’s The Clone Wars

And even if he hadn’t been, NOTHING justifies the treatment he got as a little child because you cannot use something that didn’t happen as a reason. In real life, if someone mistreats a kid because they fear the kid might grow up to be a criminal it would be considered abuse. But because it’s Anakin – the butt of every joke – the cold treatment Anakin receives as child is somehow a beautiful example of the Council’s compassion and forethought. 

It’s kind of funny. I mean, if the Council was right to treat a 9 years with disdain because the kid was going to grow up to be evil I wonder how fans justify Yoda admiring Papatine – an actual Sith Lord – for years?

The Jedi were sworn to uphold the Republic and protect its ideals, not entangle themselves in the fortunes of any one Chancellor. Political careers were not their affair. Personalities were supposed to be irrelevant. But somehow Palpatine was changing that. Not by being a bully or imposing his will. Quite the opposite: he was constantly resisting the Senate’s eagerness for him to assume more and more executive powers. He resisted, the Senate insisted, so reluctantly Palpatine agreed. And every time he acquiesced to its requests, he turned once more to the Jedi for advice. It was hardly an ideal situation. The Jedi Council was not just another branch of the executive office. But how, in good conscience, could it refuse to aid a man who so humbly petitioned for their assistance? A man who championed them in the Senate at every opportunity? Who had worked tirelessly for peace since assuming the highest political office in the galaxy and was now faced with the daunting, terrifying task of keeping their vast Republic intact? How could the Jedi Council turn its back on such a man? Clearly, it couldn’t. Clearly, in the face of these extraordinary times, the Jedi must set aside their traditions and come to the aid of the man a galaxy looked to as its savior. [Karen Miller. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Wild Space]

Somehow, I guess it’s okay to treat 9 years old Anakin poorly because he *might* be evil at the same it’s also okay to treat a sith lord with the uttermost respect and bending the rules to accommodate him because he *is* evil but they don’t know it yet ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

So, this is not just about Anakin and how the fandom has a lot of trouble sympathizing with him. This is also about how the fandom fails to recognize the Council’s shortcomings.

Not to quote Filoni again but...”I’ve always felt that one of Anakin’s downfalls, like it’s never that Anakin was innately going to be evil, but the people around him, the Jedi, in their lack of compassion, in being so selfless that they almost forgot to care.” 

[alright-anakin]

Spotify Wrapped 2020 Writing Prompts

8: Epiphany - Taylor Swift

Just One Single Glimpse of Relief

So… The apprentice lives…

The chilling words had taken root in Ahsoka’s mind as soon as she heard them. She couldn’t forget them, nor could she fully shake their implication. That had been about a week ago. Ezra and Kanan would occasionally ask her if she had gotten any intel on who the Sith that they encountered was, and each time, she told them she hadn’t. But dread sat heavy in her stomach, and she couldn’t quite say with a clear conscious that she didn’t know, or at least suspect, the identity of the dark presence. Meditation brought no relief. Sleeping brought nightmares. There was no escape.

When they visited the Temple on Lothal, she knew. In her mind, she knew. But the heart was not so easily changed. Perhaps there was a part of her that would never fully lose hope. That’s what she wanted to believe anyway. When Rex was talking about him to Ezra, though, she couldn’t handle it. She left, knowing that if she stayed, she wouldn’t have been able to keep her composure

…

“But we have little time. The one they call Vader will be here soon.” The way Maul looked at her brought her back to the last days of the Clone Wars. For a moment, she was seventeen again, facing him down as he told her things she had dismissed at the time.

“There is no law, no order, except for the one that will replace it! The time for the Jedi has passed!” He had been right about that, hadn’t he? What else was he right about? “He has long been groomed for his role, as my master’s new apprentice.”

“You lie!”

He hadn’t lied, had he?

...

“I don’t fear you!”

“Then you will die braver than most.” Ezra was unarmed now, and Ahsoka could sense his fear. “Perhaps I was wrong.” Something snapped in Ahsoka and she knew she had to make her presence known.

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” The black-clad man turned to face her. She couldn’t quite understand why the harsh breathing made her own chest burn.

“It was foretold that you would be here. Our long-awaited meeting has come at last.”

“I’m glad I gave you something to look forward to,” she snipped.

“We need not be adversaries,” the mechanical voice continued. “The Emperor will show you mercy if you tell me where the remaining Jedi can be found.”

“There are no Jedi. You and your Inquisitors have seen to that.”

“Perhaps this child will confess what you will not.” Something in her chest ached more at his words.

“I was beginning to think I knew who you were behind that mask, but it’s impossible.” More fissures cracked down her heart as she stared at the cold black mask that mirrored the heart within his chest. It took everything in her to keep her voice steady. “My master could never be as vile as you.”

“Anakin Skywalker was weak.” No, he was strong, her heart screamed. “I destroyed him.” Her throat closed and her eyes burned. She spoke past the lump in her throat, her voice coming out quiet.

“Then I will avenge his death.”

“Revenge is not the Jedi way.”

“Revenge is not the Jedi way, Ahsoka.” His voice, unmarred by mechanics, echoed in her mind.

“I am no Jedi.” She registered the sound of sabers activating, and realized belatedly that they were her own. Crimson rose to meet her white. She was suddenly angry. She was absolutely furious. How dare he become this… this monster. She had trusted him! She had loved him. Hadn’t he known that? Hadn’t he known how many he had hurt by his actions? Did he not care? Couldn’t he feel their pain?

Couldn’t he feel his own pain?

She could, and it fueled her fury. She didn’t even register her blows until she was falling. He’d flung her off the ledge. That only made her angrier. She climbed back up the stairs, ignoring the pain. She reached the top and saw him about to take the holocron from Ezra and Kanan. She ran. She registered herself moving upwards and she swung, hoping she hit something vital.

They both sprawled onto the floor. She took a moment to get her bearings, and she heard Ezra call for her to come, to follow them. She got to her hands and knees and prepared to get up, to make her escape—

“Ahsoka” She froze. Ice ran through her veins. She turned, almost hesitantly, to look back at him. His breathing was labored. She had probably damaged the respirator when she swung. He turned to look at her head on. Her heart shattered. A singular golden eye stared back at her. “Ahsoka,” he said again. His voice sounded much more like Anakin this time.

“Anakin,” she breathed. They stared at one another, not speaking. Her chest ached and her soul screamed in agony. He was beyond her reach, she knew. Her mind knew, at least. Her heart, though, was stubborn. Her heart was a fool. Because even now, standing before this monstrous version of him, she loved him. “I won’t leave you,” the words left on their own accord, spoken from her bleeding soul. “Not this time.” There was a long silence. She though his gaze softened. But just as hope bloomed, it died. His eye hardened again.

“Then you will die.”

There was nothing but the echo of his words. She could see the intent in the one golden eye. He activated the saber again and she found her gaze drawn to it. She didn’t know what she expected to see when she looked at the hilt, but it was very similar to his old saber. Her stomach clenched at the familiarity.

Ezra was calling to her again. She knew he was running towards her. The door to the Temple was closing as the foundation crumbled around them. She lifted a hand and pushed him back. He would leave. He and Kanan would return to the Rebellion. They would live to fight another day. One day, the light would triumph over the dark. One day, there would be peace.

But she would not be there to see it. Strangely she was alright with that. She had fought hard for so long. She was fourteen when she walked off that ship and met her Master for the first time and ever since then, she did not know a day of true peace. But Ezra would. The Rebels would. A flicker of warning was all she received before the red saber was coming down towards her. She flung her sabers up to block, then turned to fully engage her brother once again.

He was aiming to kill and she was simply biding time. She was mildly surprised that she was able to hold her own against him. She didn’t doubt her abilities, but he was brutal, and his fighting style had changed. Most likely to accommodate the limitations of his prosthetics. He was taller than her by a lot. As he swung from above and she blocked his blow yet again, she laughed. It was a hollow sound. She felt his anger and confusion at her laughter, so after he struck only for her to block again, she decided to explain.

“Have you really forgotten, Anakin?”

“That name holds no meaning for me,” he said. To hear his own familiar voice denounce his very self was just… depressing.

“You taught me how to duel, Anakin,” she chuckled sadly. “Don’t you remember what you told me?” He did not answer. Instead, he struck again. His blows were heavy, and though she was tiring, she still managed to block them. “You taught me how to defeat someone like you. Someone taller and stronger than myself. Someone ruthless.” She could feel his frustration. “And I took those lessons to heart and strengthened my defenses. But I never thought I would have to use your own teaching against you. I never imagined a day where we would be fighting one another, rather than fight side by side.” He stilled, his gaze turning sad for a fraction of a second before hardening again.

“Those days are gone. They ceased to be as soon as you left.” She heard what he did not say. As soon as you left me. Perhaps he was right. More right than she ever wanted to think. Maybe, if she had stayed, he would have never strayed so far.

“I should have never left the Order. I should have never left you alone—” she cut off when her voice broke. He said nothing. She knew her words were too little too late. She could see it in his cold gaze. For a moment, all that could be heard was the horrible wheezing of his damaged respirator. She wondered what had happened to him to land him in that suit, then quickly decided she didn’t want to know. She could feel the burning in his ruined lungs as if it were her own pain, rather than his. “I’m sorry.” For a moment, she didn’t realize she had spoken out loud. There was a new pain she felt from him, a deep ache in his chest that mirrored her own heartache, but after a moment it was gone. Stamped down. Buried beneath rage.

She raised her sabers against his. His blows were faster and stronger despite his pain. He was being driven by hatred and fury. He was gaining on her now. After all, hate and anger served as a great source of stamina. Heartache and regret, unfortunately, did not. She was losing ground and she knew she was not going to last long. But it was alright. She had known the second she heard Anakin’s voice she was not going to leave this place. She had known she wouldn’t be able to kill him as soon as she had looked upon his face.

When he raised his saber again, she saw his intent to kill. His saber would slice her neck if she let it. He was gone. Beyond her reach. He had Fallen too far to pull back to the surface. She needed to do what he never could.

She needed to let go.

She deactivated her sabers. With you I served. He didn’t even pause, though she saw his gaze flicker to her hilts. She did not recognize the monster before her. But as she closed her eyes, every memory she had of him danced across her mind. She let each memory pass, and with them, her grief.

In her final moment, she wondered if this was what it felt like to lose a brother.

With you I fall down.