#after like literal yrs of being in a fandom

[banhtet]

HAYAMI RAMBLE POST

hii. been busy here and there so all ive done is rewatching unfinished anime series and dealing w both asthma and acute laryngitis and depression 🤡🤡

but ive been thinking abt hayami whenever i listen to mitski so. I Have To make a post abf her

this will be hcs mostly.............. 💀 some hcs/interpretation will be ooc as i need to rewatch the anime + reread the manga and the korotan series. but it physically hurts me sometimes bc i get too excited, then ill spiral into hatred for the series. ALSO MY INTEREST IN IT HAS BEEN DILUTING? THATS NOT GOOD!

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- i think hayami straightens her hair for the majority of her middle school final yr. bc in the manga, its shown in the manga that she still has curly frilly hair but to separate herself from Irina, its tied up and straightened

- which leaves me to think shes those cases of blonde suddenly turn brunette as they grow older but in her case its like hella obvious. I dont think her mom would let her dye her hair so the dying hair thing is out of the question for me

- this mostly stems from the ova where she has blonde hair + some ppls interpretation of hayami in which she has brown hair and i think thats so swag

- i think hayami has hazel eyes.. just bc it just seems fitting that she does yk. and also brown hair + hazel eyes combo hayami ? God Bless

- how others see hayamis eyes can depend on the lighting.. like when its sunset it appears more brown to others or when its morning, it appears more green. could even be gold in a very specific moment

- its mentioned that hayami is more expressive in the beginning of assclass and gets more stoic later on.

- And then i think abt how matsui tried to box hayami into the tsundere stereotype even tho it just makes me see her more as a person w communication problems and issues handling her facial expressions

- i think hayami naturally just has like an angry face (furrowed brows and all that)..

- combined w her communication problems, hayami is pretty much just misunderstood by her classmates as someone whos difficult and irritable (one example is the boys group chat thing where okajima expresses that he likes hayami and in turns maehara is like "eeeehh... uhhhhh.. dunno dude shes kinda scary")

- its also Very Important to me that hayami has said tsundere-esque lines.. Like the infamous "Dont get the wrong idea" when saving itona and also her line in the popularity ranking ("Its not like im happy or anything" or smth of that nature)

- Ik why she said those but Why is she saying them specifically? like whys she trying to Stay Neutral/not opinionated abt her ranking in particular.

- shes so catcore. Hayami was a latchkey child from a very young age. we dont rlly have any info on hayamis life from her graduation forward aside from some in the korotan, the epilogue and like some meta info,,

hayami was relied on a lot and had to do others dirty bidding. i imagine her believing that it was some form of friendship, some way of maintaining their relationship (considering the absence of her father and mother and her chasing for validations)

i think her previous classmates were afraid of her at the beginning, but when realized that hayami had good intentions, they used her loneliness to benefit themselves

(UTTER OVERTHINKING) do you think that her being "sassy" or smth of that nature is to barricade others from getting too close in hopes of not being fooled/used for dirty works again, its also her nature in general But like at the same time, its prob one of the only approach of communication shes used to (knowing what happens after and all that). Do you think she has disorganized (leaning a bit more on anxious) attachment. Do you think that her communication problems already make her appear to be cold but her interpersonal difficulties drive it further . Why does she have such little connections to the girls despite being seen w them often. do you think abt yada, whos multitalented, jealous of hayami ,whos noted by others for mostly her sniping talent and the rest is ignored. do y

its so weird to me that hayami stagnated in her development? (her being a receptionist, the whole "she strives to be a coworker everyone can rely on" and also singlehandedly fishing chiba out of unemployment)

its great that shes honed her receptionist skills but in the end, its mostly just for helping someone else. and the fact that chiba isnt depicted as like being against it is kinda off.. hayamis known for her stretching thin of herself and chiba, being arguably hayamis closest friend, would. at least realize that she has a self-sacrificing tendency (seeing how observant he is yk)

?? apparently she singlehandledly handles every business and sales matters. insane. also,, ig its fitting that hayami chose a fast-paced position for her job but idk man. Idk its still insane to me that hayami is chibas receptionist..

on a lighter note she cut her hair at some point in the future so thats cool

demi hayami forever. shes 100% demi. i also think shes unlabeled, like she doesnt rlly care what she is tbh. others ask her abt it and shes like "idk up to interpretation" (ooc)

its so funny to me. that in korotan c, apparently she showed up to watch asano having a lil date w princess lea? bc it mentioned her name later on helping lea from the "bodyguards" (along w chiba too.. this makes their viewing their classmates from afar in the animated koro q funnier tbh)

hayami in the skiing club.....

i think her interest/reason for joining is mostly that she wanna try it and also bc i think she saw it on tv a few times and got fascinated by the ppl skiing/snowboarding

dunno where the clubs got the budget to apparently Go Fucking Skiing frequently,, or how the club would even operate (in Middle School no less). but i think itd be pretty funny if the club disbanded some time later and hayami joined a dance club instead (which would make more sense)

i think hayami had done ballet before. as a kid. Just a hc but she wanted smth to do rather than. Sitting watching tv bc no ones home

horrible horrible thought but hayami seems semi like those kids whose parents are on the verge of a divorce (projection) 💀

i think one of the reasons why i tend to read hayami as having avpd is. just the fact that she pays attention to 'the class dynamic and harmony and such'? im not 100% sure on the meaning of that sentence but that just reminds me of my experience w avpd and i Have To hc her as having it

as a final thing :

[always-a-joyful-note]

Tatsumi in !! Music: Aww, look at these kids. Oh, to be young again Me: My brother in Christ, you are 18

Nagisa and Sakuma in Road to Show: Gotta be adults and let the kids enjoy themselves while we grown ups take care of the work Me: Guys, you haven't even graduated from university

Keito to Kiryu: Gotta take care of our child Souma Me: ????? He's just a grade younger than you both???

Knights seniors: Must protect our adorable king from the horrors of the world Me: HE'S LIKE 3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN THE OLDEST OF YOU AND HIS FAMILY HAS ASSASSINS

Kiryu @ Kanata in the anime: As Ryuseitai's mom, you should help out its dad with the kids Me: "Mom" and "Dad" are still HIGH SCHOOLERS

[shiiro-arts]

Hi I'm new to your account and I'm very new to fairy tail. I like basically just finished binging the anime and watching what's out of the 100 yr quest anime and reading the released 100 yr quest manga chapters.

So yeah I'm new

And so far something I've seen in the fandom makes me think I have more understanding of the characters than some people lol.

Like I've already seen a bunch of natsu x Lucy vs natsu x Lisanna. But the way I see it is that Lisanna is prob one of the big natsu x Lucy shippers

SPOILERS AHEAD (Nothing big don't worry)

Ship wars are in every fandom, I'm surprised people are surprised that FT has them too, they are bored and want conflict, that's all.

And as you said, yes, Lisanna is a NaLu shipper, AND LET ME TELL YOU WHY

Because Lisanna doesn't feel anything for Natsu, AT ALL

I've said this before, if Lisanna had never died NaLi would have made sense, but she died and Natsu can't date a damn corpse (I know she comes backs later). What I'm surprised of is that people shipped NaLi even before of bringing her back(free my girl). She was "dead", the ship made no sense at all...

Lisanna was never supposed to come back, she was supposed to stay dead, That's one of the reasons NaLi will never happen, mashima never had anything planned for her, so it doesn't make sense if she ends up with Natsu.

Not only do they hardly interact anymore, it just wouldn't work. Imagine if your boyfriend spent all his time (literally ALL HIS TIME) with another girl (Lucy), slept in her house, went on adventures with her and was hyperfixated on her in general, yeah no thanks.

Mashima confirmed in an interview that after bringing her back he thought about making the love triangle, but felt bad about Lisanna because she would NOT win.

This is not me being a hater of Lisanna or NaLi, I love Lisanna and I don't give a single f about NaLi to be honest, people can ship whoever they want as long as it's not problematic and NaLi is one of the most normal ships in the fandom, people just like to hate

You tell'em Lisanna

[wayward-coffee-raccoon]

Rhaelya shippers always piss me off so much because no one in this entire fandom mischaracterizes Lyanna more than them. Like wtf do you mean a 14-15 yr old girl deciding to leave home to run away with a 20 yr old man is in any way "romantic" or "giving female characters agency". Its literally grooming.

Do yall really think Lyanna Stark, Knight of the Laughing tree would want to be locked away in a tower somewhere far away from the North , bearing the child of some man she barely knows just because she is "madly in love with him'?? Why would she stay even after hearing of the deaths of her father and brother??? Do you really think she would have wanted to die on the child bed at age 16 without any of her family???

Lyanna herself comments about love not being able to change someone's nature but she really changed entirely once she meet Rhaegar???

I need yall creeps to stay the fuck away from her

[rosaemoux]

The reason why ppl don't like the tim&cass twin hcs is bc typically the hc of tim being "Asian coded" is just stereotyping East Asians as rich and smart with overbearing parents. (Esp when done by ppl who aren't EA themselves.) The reason why I don't like it is bc its often just another way for fanon fans to erase Cass's actual personality and use her as a silent prop next to a man. Also, Cass is canonically older than Tim.

Honestly that's fair. The fandom has a tendency to be... weird about Cassandra, making her out be a therapist 24/7 for the boys, or flattening out much of her personality to just be a docile older sister to everyone (the whole "everyone's favourite sister is cass" or "cass is exempt from all the family problems because she's cool) while ignoring Cass's problems and making her 1 dimentional.

And yea, the stereotyping the fandom does can be very annoying. I enjoy some of Tim's asian headcanons but sometimes people do stories without actually researching the culture they're making about and falling into classical stereotypes of asian people.

Also, yes she's 2 yrs older than him. To me that's part of the fun of the headcanon, them just meeting eachother and gradually deciding to be "twins of choice", while everyone else is like: you're literally not the same age ??? Idk it feels silly, but I like it.

My favourite thing about their dynamics is how they compensate what each other is missing and how much they canonically disagree about stuff (like how after Wargames they're both grieving Steph and think Batman did something wrong, but while Cass thinks Batman should have worked less with the police, Tim thinks he should have worked more, and they just decide to agree to disagree because they're stubborn people and would be arguing all day).

So yea, I really like making them hang out together, because it can create very interesting disagreements and stuff (In my reverse robins au, Cass and Tim are respectively The Bat and The Joker because of that).

Thank you so much for answering anon !

[bananaactivity]

Kickin It AU + Evie sketch

So if you’ve been following me on tumblr you know I have an in depth Descendents AU and a MBAV AU that I love… And I just rewatched a fav show of mine and instantly had a new AU crafted from thin air AGAIN! Third time this year bro…

A Kickin it AU…. Yeah I went crazy with this one. I literally dug up the most obscure one off characters to make this new AU. I’m so sad that this fandom is basically dead but tumblr is the place to do bullshit for fun so I will be doing that.

The guy above is Kai Brewer and if my AU inspires you to rewatch Kickin it I’m just going to warn you that Kai is only in two episodes of four seasons. In fact the main villains of my AU are made up of one off guest stars. Just like the fandoms of olden days…

Here are some sketches I WILL be reworking of Jack Brewer and Milton Krupnick respectively:

My AU is aged up to 18 because I relate to that age group. Kickin it is a show about a friend group doin karate and that’s it. If you know about the fandom you’re probably thinking “what about the will they won’t they between Jack and Kim?? 🥺” Honestly that plot line is the same as the will they won’t they for Sam and Freddie. That is to say it’s clear that nobody except the fandom cares about that. The writers add tidbits during some episodes and backtrack to keep the fandom watching and then they break up kinda.

Honestly I just see them as freinds and I almost think of Jake as aromatic but I literally head cannon everybody that way probably because I’m projecting so I dunno fam.

As for the AU I find that the Black Dragons were underutilized as direct parreles to the Wasabi Warriors. So I seek to rectify that. The only reoccurring black dragons throughout the first three seasons are Ty the Sensei and Rudy’s past best friend and Frank. A pedophile. Yeah that bitch is 19 and he’s obsessed with 14 yr old Kim. For no reason… he didn’t have to be 19. So obviously I fixed that bullshit.

The BDs are in universe considered the more prestigious Dojo as well as the most evil. They fight dirty in every competition shown in the show which parrales the Wasabi code which is all about honesty and fairness. ( even tho half the plots are about the WWs doing the opposite of that sometimes with no consequences lmao)

Kai is Jacks cousin and the only guy who was able to beat him. That’s significant as Jack is literally the most op guy in the whole show. Bro can take out 10 grown men by himself at the age of 15 in five minutes at most. So in my AU those two are parreles to each other. Cousins who trained together and who fell out long ago over different views on what martial arts is for. Both student leaders of their Dojos while also being mirrors of their senseis relationship. Their Sensies Rudy (Jack) and Ty (Kai) which also trained together but fell out because of a fart. (Fr bro and I will not be changing that cse it’s hilarious)

The rest of the Evil team are banded together after Jack beats their asses in the cannon of the show and they all mysteriously get envites to join the Black Dragon Dojo. Brody Carlson ( played by Billy Unger) gets a major change to the og. He got redeemed cause he was a guest star from Lab Rats but in my AU he stays bad because now he’s reoccurring. Jack hands his ass to him and he’s mad. He’s a parallel to Jerry as the third best in the dojo. Carson Hunter ( played by Boo Boo Stewart ) was originally a parallel to Jack as the liar reveal plot line. He was also a special guest star like Unger. Here he’s Kim’s parrallel as second best of his Dojo and due to the fact that he was Kim’s Jack before Jack who turned out to be a cheater. The reason I made him 2nd instead of first is because Kai is way more evil then him and had a bigger impact on Jacks life. Hes the reason Jack stoped doing Martial Arts for two years. And after that he tried to kill his cousin twice just so he couldnt get a trophy. Once with gang activity actually. All Carson does is like take Jacks place in one competition and use a tiny sand bag in his hand wraps that Jack exploded instantly with a single punch. Frank Bickle is a parallel to Milton Krupnick more like a smart guy verses dumbass type thing. Frank was portrayed often in the og show so I don’t have to explain him. He’s a dumb ass bully brute who Jack manhandles every chance he gets. Arther Turner (played by Sterling Beaurmon) is a parallel to Eddy. Arther was a rich, rude, and petty guy and I think that Eddy is a pretty down to earth and sweet person. Both of them are shit at karate though and it would be brutally unfair to pit them against all the other more capable characters. Arther definitely throws money at his problems lowkey.

At first all the villain characters don’t get along together so they can’t beat the WW who have the power of friendship and Jack on their side but as they slowly become freinds they get more dangerous. Like most of these characters were black belts or on par with Jack and their position as one offs led to them being shafted for how they could challenge the Wasabi crew. Here I can write fun dynamics for them and give Jack a massive run for his money which I believe he really needed. Like bro was INVINCIBLE there are no stakes, if someone goes against Jack it doesn’t matter. If you’re young, old, or what Jack will handle your ass quickly and will not break a sweat. Like don’t cross him or your ass is DONE.

Imagining an equally powerful group with a close bond who directly oppose and parallel them is really intriguing. It’s also more down to earth then my Descendants AU. I don’t have to deal with a massive magical world with magical powers. It’s a small town called Seabrooke with some rival Dojos engaging in classic teen rivalry shenanigans. There is no massive goal here except proving who’s better by the end of senior year’s competition season.

Imma do more of this AU cause I love it and I can’t let it go.

Also here’s Evie in da dress.

DAMNNNNN 👅

Ask questions about any AUs if you’d like. I love questions 😝!

[wildpeachfarm]

I feel like as a fandom we don't talk about snf enough. Like ppl always talk about how pretty George is and they're right but he's also like insanely smart?? like he's the only member of the dteam with a degree(not that that's necessarily indictive of anything but u get my point) and it's in fucking computer science??? he's also insanely well spoken when he needs to be . I also appreciate how timely he is when faced with serious accusations (the gituation but also the racism accusations from I think last yr) and they're really well written. he's also has proven himself to be incredibly empathetic and caring. Listening to him talk about reaching out to technodad after that stream because he's the one who's opinion really mattered to him had me just ☹️☹️☹️.

And sapnap!!! I love sapnap sm. he's so fucking funny it's insane. and he's so so so very loyal. Dream has said before that Sapnap is a ride or die type friend and it shows. he loves his friends so much. Like him hearing that George was depressed and lonely and IMMEDIATELY renewing his passport and going to see him??? I also feel like we just don't appreciate his beauty enough. Like he's insanely attractive and I refuse to be told differently. He is just so lovely and sweet and funny and just skdktk

And when they're together?? They're so funny that they've literally almost made me piss my pants. The two of them love each other sm even if it is different than the way they both love dream. imo them making a conscious effort to change the way they treat each other and their friendship as a whole proves that more than anything.

The dteam as a whole love each other so much its honestly disgusting and it's probably really parasocial but it bothers me sm when ppl try to say otherwise. Especially when it comes to George. Like saying otherwise about Dream or sapnap is gen fucking stupid. (Dream has literally gone on and on about how much he loved them both and said that they're a package deal. And sapnap has repeatedly refered to them as his brothers) but ppl love to say George doesn't love them because he doesn't say it publicly. But like??? He literally moved continents to be with them??? He put his whole life on pause and uprooted himself because he wanted to live with them that fucking badly. Personally I wouldn't do that for anyone I didn't at least care very deeply for. And dream made it a point to bring up George's soft and loving and serious side when everyone else was just talking about him being funny and goofy. Also the Dteam is just so Boy™. idek how to explain it. they're all goofy and love dick jokes and ur mom jokes but are also so loving and well spoken and sweet.

sorry for the parasocial rant I'm just feeling very loving and mushy and I love them sm. ima channel this into the fic

-baby fever anon

YES MORE LOVEPOSTING ABOUT SAPNAP AND GEORGE!!!

They are both so special and dear and I love george's brain and I love sapnaps loyalty and aaa 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

[just-antithings]

I wanted to piggy-back off the Harry Potter ask regarding performance activism specifically regarding Harry Potter fandom.

I'm a little woozy after a medical emergency I had this week but I'm scared ill forget this, so bare with me, please.

JK Rowling coming out as a TERF was absolutely heartbreaking especially as a queer person who grew up on the series. The series was a life-line in a time where I was being drowned in loneliness. I literally grew up with the books. I started when I was eleven and read the final books ad an 18 yr old.

And when she first came out, I was one of the many who wanted to walk away and no longer wanted to associate with it, but felt so wrong.

It felt wrong on many levels. On the most noticeable, it made me incredibly sad that I felt I was no longer allowed to read the books, enjoy the movies with my family, got to some of the Harry Potter exhibits with my family. A huge part of my adolescence was suddenly forbidden.

Abstaining from the series was hurting me more than it was impacting her.

Then, from a more social justice perspective, what does us abstaining actually do? I mean really, it's like the trnasphobes dumbing their beer over Dylan. Or burning merch over finding out someone is gay or whatever. We make fun of people destroying their merch because the corporations already have their money.

It's the same thing with JKR. She already made her money. She doesn't care what her fans think because she doesn't have to.

Refusing to engage with a piece of media to feel morally superior just makes the individual feel better and I think we do it because people feel powerless and like they have no other way to advocate and fight against transphobia.

It also feels like a way to feel morally superior and as an opportunity to punch down.

So, I, a queer person, let myself enjoy a piece of media creates by a transphobe, because that piece of fiction has grown to be so much more than its creator.

For advocacy?

I donate. I engage with the community. I'm mindful of the conversations I engage in. I speak when needed and listen when needed. I donate when I can. I support trans creators when I can. I vote. I learn our queer history and understand where we've come from and what has allowed us to grow into the community we are now.

Personally, I find it more satisfying and more rewarding, and more impactful than ignoring a fandom and piece of literature that has brought myself and my family joy.

Anywho, hope this makes sense. Thanks for your time!

.

[crushedsweets]

I am so curious as to what you'd think about Nina and Hoodie as a duo. They've been two of my absolute favorites (even if Brian technically isn't even a creepypasta) since I was younger and I've always loved them as a sort of big brother/little sister pairing. They are so siblings to me I adore them. What are your thoughts on the sillies..

OHHH this is actually super interesting... but also im worried i do not have a lot to say because they won't mesh very well/very much. but i will try. not super realistic headcanons i think but what do i know... <3

brian isnt very present in my story, partially bc ik some mh fans dont like the crossover very much. and by time ninas in the story, i want him+tim to kinda separate from slenderman as toby and kate take over. he's still involved and coming around since he gets horrible slender sickness(but its from the operator) if he's away too long, but he doesn't live near or befriend most of the main cast..

nina is very present in my story because i love her and she is such a good and fun representation of the fandom yk. but brian is much more realistic and late 30s man, while nina is a very cartoonish early 20s girl. theyre on very different fields character and life wise...

BUUUUUUUUUT they would still meet of course.

she'd be bubbling around the entire cast, meeting people through jeff. people initially think she's in the same vein as jeff, natalie, and toby, with a LONG list of blood on their hands influenced by the operator, so they just don't think much about it. theyre mostly surprised by how cheery she is, but the proxies are the first to find out she's just... obsessed with jeff..... so thats very off putting. brian isn't fond of it.

nina would develop some light slender sickness(again, from the operator) just by being around jeff all the time, but the operator never infected her because he didn't see her as a worthy vessel. so, she would have to come to the proxies about it. if toby isnt in the mood or busy, she'd just have to hope brian/tim are around with some pills that'll soothe the pain

brian is more likely to help. with nina, he'd be quick to take on a more protective role, trying to console her as she cries on the couch holding her head whining about static.

initial convos would go smth along the lines of "do you want some coffee ? or uh kids like hot chocolate huh... maybe tea" "i'm literally in my 20s please tell me toby has weed somewhere" "that does not help with this pain i promise" "how would you know" "haha. water it is."

brian was a major stoner back in his early 20s and nina thinks its fucking hilarious. . . she'll try to get him to smoke with her but he's rlly not interested LOLLLL.... hes like 15 yrs older than her he thinks its weird .

again, he's not around a lot, but she's always happy to bump into him. she'd be squealing n shit 'HIII BRIANNNN how r u :3' and he'd just be like :) hey nina. and then never answer the 'how r u' bc he doesnt actually wanna sit and talk .

its a good change of pace. he's been through hell and back for well over a decade by this point, everyone around him is a sad sack of shit, and he spent a long time just. fighting to be an optimistic, cool guy to hang around . . but .... like.... um..... its hard to be that kind of person after all he's been thru. something about nina just forces that sort of like..... glee out of him . its not a huge difference where he's suddenly bouncing and giggling and whatever, he's still just Some Guy. but he'll be like :) lol .

mayhaps he'd catch her trying on toby's goggles and he'd offer to let her try on his mask. but nina would fake gag and be like 'no i dont want that dirty musty nasty sack on my head' and he'd be like ?????. then he'd say she can wash it and then try it on. which.. as an older sibling.... is the type of shit i'd do just to get my sister to do smth for me that i dont wanna do LMFAOOO. she might fall for it just cuz my dear nina is the ultimate fangirl

i dunno i kinda struggled with this one just cuz in my au, they wouldnt be all that close and the Type of characters they are don't mesh very well, but i am super fond of the concept and would love to try expanding on it more

[mimikoolover]

https://www.tumblr.com/mimikoolover/753926264796119040/ive-never-seen-one-jikooker-ever-defend-jungkook?source=share

u asked for a link to the tweet so i went to check on twitter but the acct is currently private as they do it often but the@ is @/seatotterskm13 now idk when she'll go off private cause sometimes she goes off private immediately sometimes after days but I'll see if i can get it when they're off private. I'm already preety inactive on twitter but I'll see and get it.

Even in the ppl in the gc i don't remember the names properly but like nochujimi, night2712 smtg, Keira, kookmoons etc these accts are in the video too and even i have seen them defending jk. The tweets must be up there acct. Can scroll and see. I don't follow all of them i know only nochujimi and you can literally scroll through her twitter and see her defending jk multiple times. She's pro Palestine so she has called out scooter Barun but never once has she dragged golden or anything. Same with other accts. Anyways some of them accts in the video has requested for the archived which shows deleted data which might come off. Idt ppl has time to listen to jk's album and show literal receipts of that while also hating on him in some GCS like pretending on twitter is one thing but pretending to like jk's music in ur private is another. Kookmoons has showed receipts of her recent streamings too.

https://x.com/kookmoons/status/1804238913382293599

Like i very well know how ppl can frame you i have been through that so when I see someone exposing another human my first thought is always how much truth it holds. Ppl on this damn app accuse you of based off of their assumptions and bs so i will always question how much truth it holds no matter what. I won't if it's coming from jk anti but when i know atleast one acct from it why should i belive that gc? That too from jjks? The closeted tkkrs? And this ain't coming from manipulation this is coming from experience who's been on that app and in the fandom for yrs now.

https://curiouscat.live/hoetolegy/post/1356358130

This is supposed to be a jm biased jkkr yet she always defends jk, golden on tl in her cc. This one is just recent but there's tens of her doing so during all these months. she always said that jk deserves all that promo and so does jm but dragging jk ain't it. her frnd circle is also jkkr and all of them have defended jk. That's why i said you're on wrong side of twitter idk.

granted most of them are ot2 but you saying "i have never seen jkkrs defend jk" is something else. Hope you don't expect us to keep links to all the tweets of jkkrs defending jk cause you'd ask me them defending jm and i still won't be able to bring many cause i don't keep tab but i see it when it happens.

I looked back on nochujimin's tweets and I could not see one where they defend Jungkook against jimin solos.

this person in particular appeared in the video saying that they agree with jimin solos.

that's where this originated from in my brain. they have pretty much admitted to being a jimin solo.

idc if they claim to love jungkook. I don't care if they seemingly defend him from tkkers because they're just playing their shitty war with tkkers, it's not about jungkook.

until I see these people denouncing jimin solos and talk about tkkers, jjks and pjms in the same breath, including pjms in their rants, then I will believe they are not jungkook antis.

they never need to mention pjms because pjms don't hate on jimin and they only care about the hate jimin gets. aka they are jungkook antis.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

Round 1

Propaganda Under Cut

Mai

she’s constantly pushed aside for the zuko/sokka ship :/ like i’m not a fan of mai/zuko but they always forget her or make her a wingwoman or make her a villain. 

She's a very interesting character who had the misfortune of being the love interest of the series' most popular character, Zuko, which immediately made her public enemy No. 1 in certain parts of the fandom. Tbh I think she's more a victim of zutara (an m/f ship) than zukka (m/m) but zukka also screwed her over so it counts. She's at best sidelined and at worst demonized. There's a whole section of the fandom who'll swear up and down she's abusive for telling Zuko to deal with his mental health issues himself. There's whole essays on it and I'm not exaggerating.

tell me WHY people think she's abusive just because she?? got mad at zuko?? when zuko was being a horrible boyfriend to begin with?? because theyre both teenagers and they were literally Acting Like Teenagers?? anyway no more mai hate the world has moved past the need for mai hate

Elizabeth Midford

She started as just a cutie fiancée trying her best, turns out she's also a swordfighting genius, very under pressure to perform feminity in the Victorian Rose type of way. Fandom crucifies her bc she's Ciel's fiancée and they want him to be with his butler, Sebastian, the demon he sold his soul to for revenge

anime was a shitty canon divergent adaptation that butchered her character down to her "cutesy silly girly" persona, which obviously made the 2008 anime fans hate her with a passion (nothing wrong w being girly I'm just saying the adaptation made her super one dimensional) anyways fujoshis used to treat her as a villain because she's the fiance of Ciel,, who as u might know already was HEAVILY shipped with his butler, Sebastian back then (now it's kinda looked badly upon, nice tbh that ship sucks ass xD) She's a bit similar to Misa Amane from death note in the way she was treated. (Like an obstacle the yaoi ship must overcome rather than a person)

she's my silly little rabbit! i could gush about her character but i'll keep it short and just say that she's really well written and one of the best characters in the series. anyways she's ciel's fiance and she's like, rightfully annoying as any other 13 yr old girl would be but the fanbase fucking crucified her for even existing. she gets demonized for being 'annoying', but then ciel gets yaoishipped with an even more annoying guy. there is 100% an argument that lizzie/ciel is weird bc they're cousins (i personally don't ship it) but that falls flat when her detractors then ship the 13 yr old ciel with an eons old demon who Canonically looks like his father. the anime also never reached her main character development until years after its peak and that was only in a movie, so she really got the bad end of the stick here. not me though i had a giant crush on her when i was 12

[splashstar01]

Love letter to Merthur (11 year anniversary🎉💐) TW: suicide, spoilers for end of the show

Okay so it's been 11 years since Merthur has been my OTP. Since they've entered my life I've literally felt like I've been in a relationship with their relationship if that makes sense. For a little while until I met my spouse, I even identified as aegosexual, which for me meant being asexual except for attraction to other people's relationships such as my OTPs. 

I came into the fandom end of 2013 and became interested because they were all over my tumblr dash. I know, the show ended at the end of 2012.. I'm not sure why Tumblr had a sudden influx of merthur content. Maybe due to the slash tourney?

But I kept seeing the final end scene all over my dash and I kept seeing a ton of articles celebrating that merthur was now canon (imagine my surprise when i found so many in the fandom don't see it that way even tho it was literally confirmed……………………..). 

I knew literally nothing about the show and assumed it was a serious adult show about the Arthurian legends. But I shipped them anyway due to the ending, particularly with Merlin waiting 1500 years (I didn't even realize Arthur was also waiting)!

At the time I had just got into shipping for half a year, so I was super new to all this slash stuff. My slash OTP at the time was very quickly replaced by merthur after I began watching the series bc merthur was just way more touchy-feely and had actual boyish fun around one another, not to mention waiting 1500 years for ea other! That is EPIC LOVE!!!! Their dynamic was the opposite of my previous OTP. 

With merthur I got really, really into my feelings. I've literally bled for them. Rest assured, I have never cut in my entire life. it's only due to me becoming so emotional and hyperventilating in joy that I bit my fingers and bled a little bit. Like, the amount of blood i lost was akin to literally a paper cut from my teeth lol. Because I cover my mouth when I hyperventilate… I think most people cover their mouths when they do this. Lol.

But when I hyperventilate over Merthur, it is EXTREME. like, i have almost out-of-body experiences. i’ve literally cried from being so happy thinking of them having sex. One time in the shower I was thinking about them and I was so happy I nearly blacked out and fell into the shower curtains. 😂 But even when I cry over Merthur/Arthur, im still having fun. Because I know it's not real, so it’s only a pseudo-grief but its NOT psuedo-joy!!! LOL. It's kinda like going on a roller coaster. You’re screaming but you dont actually fear for your life. It’s psuedo-fear. 

At the time, I was severely depressed in my non-fandom life, but Merthur never actually contributed to that hurt, because i could see the lines of reality vs real shit i had to be upset over. Merthur gave me an outlet. With merthur I felt free to cry and fall apart whilst at the same time, as I always tell my ppl, "they're not real, THANK GOODNESS!!" so I can grieve bc I'm not really crying for anyone!

At the time, I wasn’t seeing anyone for my severe depression/anxiety because I thought I could handle it and i was self-medicating with psychedelics since they've been proven to be able to heal mental health issues. LSD at parties healed my c-ptsd, since I had gone to see someone for my ADHD & ended up being diagnosed w c-ptsd! I thought it could heal my other issues too.

But then I took a 7-year break from merthur due to my attempted suicide.

My life was going so well too. I literally seemed like i had the perfect life while in college. Just landed a good-paying 1-yr temp job, I was majorly popular and partying every weekend, I had a long-term partner (we’re now married), I had a 4.7 GPA, was in 9 different school clubs. I seemed to be thriving. But I’d been battling severe anxiety/depression since I was 12.

How the fandom saved my life….. Literally. 

Before I was going to do it, I had to say goodbye to the fandom bc I always felt like the merthur fandom was like my family.

I wrote a goodbye post on Tumblr that I set to queue and I had assumed it would post much later. But ig i somehow miscalculated and it posted too early. So someone managed to find my Facebook which is just insane bc blogs are essentially anonymous. I didn't post any personal info on Tumblr. It should have been impossible but they alerted my sister and I was found 45 min away.

The doctors declared me brain dead and it was this huge thing. I had to relearn to feed myself, walk, etc. It took me 6 months just to have the strength to use a walker because my leg muscles had atrophied so much. 9 months later and I was able to walk again on my own. Now it's been 7 years and I'm still physically disabled but in a much better place emotionally. After my attempt, a limelight was cast on my mental health and all a sudden i was seeing all sorts of therapists. I was medicated for the very first time, and i felt so much better. I’m no longer actively suicidal.

So….. enough about my sob story. 

Merthur will most likely always be my OTP!! I did find book!Drarry 8 months ago, and boy did i go wild for them too. (Like, i stayed up 36 hours straight because i couldnt stop thinking about them and i’m the author of the Drarry Bible, a 98k doc of all the drarry book moments along with meta proving that in their universe, they are in love and soulmates lol. Drarry is such a huge ship that I was honestly so surprised that there wasnt already something similar to it!!)

But even with Drarry, I always knew Merthur was OTP!! I never once questioned that I loved Merthur more even during my Merthur hiatus. ^-^ I’m not sure why i took such a long hiatus after my suicide attempt. But I recently got back into Merthur just 6 months ago due to this video by imaginedragonlords: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4zDknYGf0s. The video reminded me of why Merthur was so amazingggggg. Like i always knew they were but ig the passion was gone after the suicide attempt. (Gone but not forgotten lol! :D)

I wont promise the passion will always be here. Like in any relationship, passion sometimes ebbs and flows (happening rn w my irl partner lol i mean, they’re great n all but they like to interrupt me when i write fanfic 😂), but I’ll always know that Merthur will never be replaced. Because at the end of the day, there will never be another love as epic and with as much chemistry as these two gayssssssss<33333 i did find another ship I love that i feel has a more healthy love for ea other than merthur and also waited a whole lifetime for one another, but they dont have AS much chemistry……………)

I love Merthur SO DAMN MUCH!!!!!! And i love my Merthur fandom. <3 I can always rely on fandom to give me my drug of choice: that MERTHUR DOPAMINE HIT!!! I’ve grieved Arthur’s death way longer & more intensely than any irl person/pet’s, & I blame the fandom for that! Each gifset or post will bring all the feelings of pseudo-grief back in full force, plus I cry EASY when it comes to fandom. I can smile a genuine smile after my grieving session is done, because thank SOURCE THEY’RE FICTIONAL! 

And anyway, they’re so obviously going to end up married with so much sex once Arthur finally returns from training with the Sidhe and being granted immortality so that Albion (Merlin) won’t ever be in such crisis (losing his mind from grief) ever again.

I’ve also cried from looking at a gifset of Leon just being Leon (this one literally tagged ‘literally crying’ & i only use that tag for stuff that has me actually crying with real tears).

And he’s not even one of my fave knights!! This gifset wasn't meant to be sad either. lol. I dont know why i cried. It just be like that on Tumblr.

Back before my hiatus, I literally had a Kleeenix box next to me whenever i went on tumblr bc I’d cry over every little thing. This was bc i was bound to see some sad merthur gifset/post/etc, cry, and after i cried once, anything else made me cry……..

Even gifsets of Leon just being Leon lool. x’D I would get soooooo overly emotional. 

My spouse once said, “All you ever talk about with ur fandoms is ‘they’re so gay.’” YES. THAT IS THE MAIN POINT, WHAT ABOUT IT 😂 like im now in the Harry Potter book fandom & i literally dont give a shit about the book plotlines [I barely remember them], but i can write up a whole Bible about Drarry……. It’s PRIORITIES! I have a very 1-track mind with my ships lol.

Ok this was way longer than intended. 

Tldr;

merthur (fandom) literally saved my life during my suicide attempt by alerting my family,

grieving Arthur’s death is a safe outlet bc i know he’s not real so none of my grief is real.

I dont cut, never have, never will—I just hyperventilate way too hard in fits of joy, usually crying “they’re SO GAY!!!” & bite my fingers a tad too hard on accident at times..... i get really super emotional and i love it becos that free dopamine hit is on another lvl fr lol def up there w real drugs, like my out-of-body experience sometimes xD

I feel like im dating them due to being partly aegosexual. and i love them <3 :D So my 11 yr anniversary fr feels like my 11 yr anniversary w an IRL lover lol XD

[purpleyoonn]

Stop encouraging hara&ment against other people, every day someone extermine themselves due to waves of virtual hara&ment. What she did was wrong, OBVIOUS, but you yk how the fandom are

Isn't it enough that there are countless wars happening around the world and innocent people dy!ng for nothing??

I'm tired of being part of a fandom that spreads hate normally and then continues the day like "now it'ts ok, one less here". I'm telling you, If another person d!e& again because of something futile, her bl00d will also be in your hands Mari

Never forget that.

okay wow you took that to the extreme.

no where in that post did i actively encourage harassment to the girl who sexually assaulted jin. i said that i wasn't surprised she was getting any form of harassment and shouldn't be surprised or upset about it. if it was any other person would you also defend them in the name of someone having it worse in the world?

yes, i did write "count your days" in that post. but if you follow me and actually read any of my posts, i was being dramatically sarcastic as is normal with my posts. i do have some problems with tone as i am autistic so i can see where i might have problems with that or come across to new followers as being serious.

but also, to equate this situation with the war in palestine and the current genocide occurring against palestinian people is in no way related to this situation and completely invalidates so many peoples experiences with assault on all forms. any negative experience anyone could have is instantly invalidated by the bringing up of current wars or innocent people dying.

i was sexually assaulted the first time at 12 yrs old and literally thought my entire world was over. i spent almost a week in a psychiatric unit because i tried committing suicide.

yes, my experience is more that just getting an unexpected and unwarranted kiss on the neck, but for you to say what you did is taking my post to the extreme.

invalidating anyone's experiences is wrong just because "someone has it worse".

i don't condone assault in any form and while i wish this incident didn't happen in the first place, especially at an event jin fought so hard to have, actions like this have consequences (pls don't send any hate to the girl) and i don't know the girl but if this was planned or even if this wasn't planned, she should have known the reaction army would have when kissing his neck at an event that jin did to be able to see army again after 18 months.

[adotmbrosia]

season 7-9 spoilers, particularly abt kevin tran

thinking abt kevin tran and how FUCKED everything was for him.

sam winchester is doomed by the narrative because he is the main character and he always got to go through shit but i’ve never seen anyone talk about how kevin tran was also doomed by the narrative due to being a prophet. maybe it’s bc of his actor and his horrible actions — which i do not condone and i feel so horrible for all the victims. but kevin tran as the character is so pitiful and sad yet i see nobody in the spn fandom talk abt it.

jst bc he’s the prophet he is ripped away from his normal life at like fucking 17/18 yrs old ffs his main concern was abt his ap classes 😭😭😭 imagine living almost two decades of normalcy and you’re thrown into this world where you’re being goddamn hunted down by everybody, especially these two scary ass 6 feet middle aged men who knows too much about everything spouting shit about “responsibility.” girl i havent even paid taxes yet!! idk shit abt responsibility!

after being forced into this role of the prophet, kevin literally worked — which is grueling btw transcribing is not easy and we can see it take a toll on him as he continues to work throughout the seasons — himself to the point where the winchesters bought him fucking xanax (i may be wrong here but it was some sort of medication) to calm his anxiety 😭 like ts is NOT okay to give to an undiagnosed teenager. not to mention crowley always looking for him.

the winchester brothers say kevin is family and how much the winchester brothers cared for kevin but they never rlly show it. kevin figured out he was kidnapped by crowley bc fake sam and dean winchester were too nice to him. they were willing to go through some trouble to get him food he wanted despite there being leftovers in the fridge. if i was depending on this poor kid to save the fucking world i’d buy him some barbecue.

i mostly have a gripe with dean’s “pep-talks” he has with kevin too. kevin is rightfully unhappy about these circumstances. he’s allowed to feel fucked and scared and all of these emotions but dean pushes his agenda in kevin’s face. he doesn’t consider the nuances of the situation because dean has never lived a life where he had a choice (which is another conversation) but it’s not okay to make kevin feel like that as well. dean says shit like “oh i expected this wimp to choose the cowards way out” when kevin was literally KIDNAPPED😭 (unbeknownst to dean and sam but i digress it’s understandable he would run away from all of this) after kevin finds out that his mother is alive from crowley, he wants to go out and find her yet dean makes kevin stay once again to serve his agenda of saving the world and shit veiled by claiming kevin was family and crowley has reasons to lie. but after kevin’s death we find out that she was, in fact, alive!!!

kevin could’ve saved his mother from months(?) of torture by a demon yet dean stopped him because of what??

speaking of deans treatment we go over to sam’s treatment of kevin how he jst went AWOL on the poor kid leaving him to hide and live alone for a year despite kevin calling him Numerous times to tell sam that he was alive and Needed help

and i’m not saying that dean and sam doesn’t care abt kevin bc they have said so in many instances and have saved him many times. i jst feel like they weren’t perfectly great to him (honestly i can’t really blame them either) and the narrative has truly fucked kevin over many times.

ESPEICALLY kevin’s death which could’ve been so easily prevented, but it happened because he no longer served a purpose to the narrative. like kevin only got a few episodes where he didn’t serve as a prophet and was allowed to help the winchester brothers in his own way— which he COULD btw. he hacked into the military wifi to help them convince this lady to allow them to investigate the bus.

i also think abt how the show presents kevin. in the beginning it’s the overdone and stereotypical joke of “oh look at the asian kid who wants to go into an ivy and is in a million ap classes” and they never elevate themselves out of that box kevin is put into. not to mention his mother who when introduced the episode name is literally “tiger mommy” which is another asian stereotype that they are pushed into. which is frankly racist and jst not good writing which IK the writers are capable of bc look at sam and dean winchester at certain instances bc sometimes they fuck that up too.

[mysteriousboo]

(SPOILERS FOR THE SHOW)

im genuinely surprised when i found out that people in the yr fandom give simon so much shit and for what? trying to protect himself from getting hurt when wilhelm denied that it was him in the video after he PROMISED simon that he wouldn’t do that? or trying to move on from wilhelm? when simon got into dealing booze or stealing drugs from his dads, he suffered because of his actions! his friends(rosh and ayub) stopped talking to him, he couldn’t pay for the personal tuition and his mom and sara found out about it and were obviously very mad at him! sara got into manor house, made friends and mostly had a good time in the majority of the second season while she was basically betraying simon’s trust by not telling him who leaked the video and using that fact to get into manor house plus sleeping with the person who recorded and released the video! personally, i don’t think her character can be redeemed in s3! but i see people trying to defend her more than they will with simon and that’s very sad!

or the fact that even wilhelm didn’t have to suffer at the aftermath of the video cause he denied that it was him in the video! i mean, we all know that the internet sucks! imagine, the things simon had to read! and people want him to forgive wilhelm just cause he said he loves him?? i mean how can he trust him? does he not have self-respect? my poor boy prolly thought that he would only be hurt more cause if wilhelm can deny his existence now, why won’t he do it in the future? or how serious is wilhelm’s love for him if he can deny their relationship so easily after he PROMISED that he would do no such thing! or the fact that wilhelm’s doesn’t even apologize to him properly, clearly not realizing how much he hurt simon! i mean the guy keeps asking simon to be his secret? how can simon agree to that? notice how in the first half s2 it’s not that simon denies that he loves wilhelm, it’s more like how can i trust you? and he was right wasn’t he? wilhelm knew that august released the video but proceeds to once again make the choice for simon and keep him in the dark! i’m not saying that he didn’t redeem himself in the latter half of the season! but it definetely felt like only simon felt the repercussions of his actions! both Sara and Wille just got away! and august the guy who should have gone to jail was being rewarded by being the backup or getting the girl! simon definetely sufffered more than august and the fact that some people in the fandom still are annoyed by him is just really disappointing! atleast have a reasonable explanation for finding simon annoying or not a fun character! I mean if you can understand Sara’s action then simon deserves the same! i am not trying to say that simon isn’t at fault, im just saying that why are you harsher towards his character not towards sara, wille, or august!

also, can we not forget that marcus literally gaslights simon into not breaking up with him! like my guy can’t catch a break! i hope that simon gets to be happy in s3! even though he has to deal with his sister basically lying to him the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME!!!! my god, i just want both my boys to be happy!

[bluedalahorse]

So is now the time to post the opening of my unfinished YR abortion road trip fic?

Maybe. Maybe today is the day! This isn’t on AO3 because I haven’t finished it, but @heliza24 really wants me to finish it and would be glad that I posted even this part to fandom.

There’s more written than just this excerpt, so I could always post more if people are curious.

No title yet, because this is untitled.

Summary: Shortly after season 2, Felice wanders off campus to process a high-profile arrest and other recent shakeups at Hillerska. She doesn’t expect to meet Sara Eriksson, who is in the process of running away.

—

Felice’s Phone

Group chat: MANOR HOUSE GIRLZ (Fredrika, Maddie, Stella)

Maddie: yooooo Felice

Maddie: tell us you missed Swedish class for something epic

Stella: we took notes for you

Stella: mine are better than Fredrika’s

Fredrika: LIES mine are better than Stella’s

Maddie: you’re not in your room

Maddie: girl are you even at school?

Fredrika: just tell us where you are and we won’t snitch

Stella: Felice?

Stella: please check in

Stella: and maybe flirt with one of the local boys so he buys you booze

Fredrika: and then share?

Maddie: don’t listen to them

Maddie: only flirt with someone hot

Stella: yeah he’s got to be at least as hot as Fredrika

Stella: lol j/k ahahaha what

Fredrika: heeeyyyyyyy Feliiiiiice where are youuuuu

Fredrika: we’re a little worried, just let us know

Fredrika: tho at least you didn’t get sick and disappear into the bathroom like SOMEONE we could mention

Stella: but we’re not mentioning her

Stella: bc we don’t mention traitors

—

Felice sits at the edge of a convenience store parking lot in Bjärstad, counting all the scars in her nail polish. It’s supposed to be a fresh coat. Stella brushed the ballet slipper pink onto Felice’s nails on Tuesday, and right now it’s only—Thursday afternoon? Felice is drunk on leftover vodka she stashed in her closet behind her Prada handbag, but not so drunk she’s forgotten that it’s Thursday. A Thursday full of literal dark clouds, at that. 

Tuesday was sunny, and it was also the day that police arrived at Hillerska and escorted that guy away. That one, the ex. Wednesday, Felice’s ex-best friend, her real ex in any kind of emotional attachment sense, came back to school for half a day, but couldn’t make it past lunch. Now people are spreading rumors about Sara Eriksson puking in the bathroom. So maybe it’s been a weird enough forty-eight hours that Felice hasn’t noticed herself scarring up her nail polish.

And maybe, now that today is Thursday, Felice needed to skip classes and get drunk and go for a walk off campus, and buy a bag of chips from a nothing convenience store in this nowhere town. There are things getting drunk won’t solve. But it’s not like being sober is going to solve things for Felice right now, either.

Felice’s phone vibrates against her thigh. She pulls it out of the pocket of her sweatpants and notes the texts from Fredrika and Stella and Maddie in her (recently purged) group chat. They’re asking her where she is, and is she coming to dinner. Please check in, fuck. How performatively worried. Felice unlocks her phone and almost fumbles her way through a typo-soaked message before deciding she’ll do this psychically. I am walking back to Hillerska now, she thinks in the general direction of school, slow and deliberate. She leaves the rest up to Maddie’s alleged witch powers and pulls herself to her feet.

Felice’s ankles ache the way they do when she’s walked on her Jimmy Choo heels for too long. She’s not wearing heels, though, only slides. Her legs wobble. Her thoughts swirl in slow, doomed circles, like dirty water circling a drain, as thunder rumbles overhead and a cool breeze rustles nearby trees. The rain is imminent, and Felice contemplates how much worse it will be when she shows back up on campus not only drunk, but drunk and completely soaked through, her carefully styled curls a wreck.

(Stella, Fredrika, and Maddie could get away with a stunt like that. A teacher might ignore their obvious alcohol breath and just tell them to put on dry pajamas and go to bed. But for Felice, they notice everything. Because Felice sticks out to begin with.)

Felice is caught in a vision of the headmistress, hissing the word inebriated on a phone call to parents, when a van pulls into the parking lot. She’s not as up on cars as the Forest Ridge boys, but this van definitely belongs to a Bjärstad local. She braces herself for an awful catcall as the window rolls down halfway, certain she’s about to get leered at by some guy in a permanently affixed football beanie.

Instead, it’s a girl. No football beanie, only football confidence. Felice recognizes the girl from Simon’s instagram—she’s come up a few times. Felice hasn’t been counting, but she’s noticed.

“You’re in choir with Simon,” says the girl. “Felice, right? I’m Rosh. Need a ride back to school?”

“I can walk. I think,” Felice says. And then, so she can own her story, she adds, “I might be a little drunk?”

Felice adjusts her posture, straightening her spine and setting her hand on her hip as she makes eye contact with Rosh. Immediately a sense of embarrassment twinges in her chest at her pose. What the—was she modeling? She’s not making a case for relative sobriety, whatever she’s doing.

Rosh turns to consult with someone next to her, then turns back to Felice.

“Come on,” she says. “Get in the car. Back seat.”

“Um. Thanks.”

The back door of the van slides open. Felice doesn’t have time to question who Rosh has next to her in the passenger seat. She receives an answer soon enough anyway. The back of Sara Eriksson’s head is so familiar—defeated brown waves that haven’t seen a wash day in too long. Sara’s shoulders are hunched over; her neck is bent. She does not turn around.

Two weeks ago, if Felice saw Sara looking like that, she would have pulled Sara close and rubbed her back until they talked through what was wrong.

(Part of her still wants to. But she doesn’t like the idea of Sara mentally comparing her hugs to someone else’s, and she’s allowed to be petty about that.)

“You don’t have to talk to me,” Sara says, tapping away on her phone. She sounds exhausted. “I’m busy anyway.”

“If you hydrate, we won’t ask about the drinking,” says Rosh to Felice. “There’s sports drink behind the passenger seat. Take one.”

Right. Sports drink. Because Rosh does sports, Felice has noticed. It sounds like an order more than an offer. Felice ducks down and liberates one of the bottles from its six-pack. The liquid inside is neon-bright and tastes of soft metal and fake citrus. Rain splatters on the van’s windows—the first sparse and irregular drops, followed by the entire pounding ensemble of water. For the next few minutes, Felice focuses on the horizon, where blurred trees meet the mirror-gray sky, and sips her post-football-run drink. Sara takes care of the directions to her old dorm, uttering an occasional “right” or “left” or “go straight here” to Rosh. Felice can’t tell why she’s doing it. Why she didn’t just insist on leaving Felice behind.

Then, the conversation shifts. Or at least, the conversation that Felice isn’t a part of shifts.

“Rosh?” Sara whispers. “I can’t find anywhere cheap enough for us to stay.”

“Even on the apps?” Rosh replies. “Look, I told you, I have some money—”

“I can’t take your money.”

“It’s money I owe Simon anyway.”

“That’s even worse. He already hates me. You should hate me more.” 

Sara breathes in, then out, audibly. She does it a few more times. Felice’s own lungs strain in sympathy.

“We have to find a place for the weekend,” says Sara. “Or we can’t do it.”

“What are you talking about?” Felice finally asks. She presses a hand to her thigh to keep her leg from jiggling. Since she was seven years old and started her first etiquette classes, she’s always been able to sit still. Always.

“We’re going on a weekend trip,” Rosh answers, too brightly. “To Stockholm—”

“—to an island,” Sara says at the same time.

“Stockholm has lots of islands,” Rosh improvises. “Sara just needs to be away for a weekend. That’s all.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re going on a normal trip,” says Felice, hearing the suspicion in her voice, and how it sounds like her father.

“We told Mamma we were traveling,” says Sara. “My period’s late. I don’t––I don’t think it’s coming. I know it isn’t coming, because—”

“Don’t tell me that.”

“—I did a pregnancy test.”

Felice digs her chipped nails into her knee. She knew how Sara’s sentence was going to end. Not the way she knows people’s names or the answers on a test she studied for, but the way she knows to pull her hand away when she touches a hot stove. Swift and unthinking. She even gasps the same way she does when she’s burned. Not out of surprise but out of pain.

“Fuck, Sara,” says Rosh. “You don’t have to tell her. She could tell the media.”

“Sorry,” says Sara. “It just came out. I’m scared, okay?” At last she turns around and looks toward Felice, her fingers curled around the back of the passenger seat. Her face is red and purple-tinged in all the places that indicate crying and sleepless nights. “Look, you can’t tell anyone. Rosh and I are going to deal with it. We already got the pills. I can’t deal with it at home because of Simon and Mamma. I don’t know what they’d say.”

“We wanted to use my apartment,” Rosh adds. “We thought my mother was going to visit one of my aunties this weekend. But auntie came to visit us instead at the last minute.”

“Please don’t tell anyone at school, Felice.” Sara turns away again. “Or Simon. Don’t tell him either.”

“People are already talking about how you threw up in the bathroom,” says Felice. “And if you’re absent from school again, they’re going to wonder.”

“Please don’t tell,” Sara repeats, voice muffled as she pushes her face into her coat sleeves.

As much as the infusion of electrolytes, courtesy of Rosh, has helped Felice to steady her head, she’s still too drunk for this. Or maybe, again, she isn’t drunk enough. She tries to imagine her math class tomorrow, working trigonometry problems with an empty chair beside her and actually knowing why the chair is empty. She can’t. Felice can’t even imagine faking sick and staying home from class, because then Stella and Fredrika would come visit her with buns and coffee, and then they’d want to gossip.

At first, being able to gossip felt good. But ever since the arrest—since the security from the palace arriving to keep out news cameras—gossip is more like gangrene eating at an already wounded limb. Felice needs amputation, or at least closure. Until then, she’s just going to keep asking herself questions about what part of the catastrophe she made happen. Why didn’t she ask Sara who she had a crush on, like best friends always do? Why hadn’t she been more concerned that Sara was gone all the time and came back late to their room? Why hadn’t she told Sara how bad things got with him last term, to warn her?

Felice doesn’t want to keep asking herself the questions, because this isn’t her fault. Maybe Sara isn’t the only one who needs an emergency abortion. Maybe Felice needs to abort Sara from her life, so she can move on.

But if she’s going to do this, she has to make it her choice.

“My family has a vacation cabin,” Felice says. “We can go there to do what you need to do. But after that, we will never speak to one another ever again. Alright?”

Sara’s shrunk down in her seat so much that Felice can’t see her anymore, but Felice is pretty sure from the rustling of her coat sleeves that she’s nodding.

Five minutes later, Felice is on the phone with her mother, feeding her excuses and exaggerations until she gets the approval to leave school for the weekend. At the same time, Rosh turns the van around and drives away from Hillerska.