#ignoring the fact that i do literally the same except im mostly joking and i think theyre all dead serious
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Tatsumi in !! Music: Aww, look at these kids. Oh, to be young again Me: My brother in Christ, you are 18
Nagisa and Sakuma in Road to Show: Gotta be adults and let the kids enjoy themselves while we grown ups take care of the work Me: Guys, you haven't even graduated from university
Keito to Kiryu: Gotta take care of our child Souma Me: ????? He's just a grade younger than you both???
Knights seniors: Must protect our adorable king from the horrors of the world Me: HE'S LIKE 3 YEARS YOUNGER THAN THE OLDEST OF YOU AND HIS FAMILY HAS ASSASSINS
Kiryu @ Kanata in the anime: As Ryuseitai's mom, you should help out its dad with the kids Me: "Mom" and "Dad" are still HIGH SCHOOLERS
#the enstars experience is being reminded that everyone but 2.5 people are currently under 20#and then reading about them Experiencing the horrors of the entertainment industry#which granted...probably would make up kids grow up faster. especially with all the traumatic things they went through BEFORE school#but also like. the biggest age gap is probably between aira (15/16) and himeru (???)#or with the current knowledge aira and rinne (20/21 <-literally the only over 20 yr old after 19/20 rei)#and thats like 6 years which IS pretty big so he does get rights to call them all children#but i stand by me having a crisis over high school students saying theyre adults compared to guys 1 or 2 years younger#ignoring the fact that i do literally the same except im mostly joking and i think theyre all dead serious#enstars#ensemble stars#stuff i say#fandom spamdom#actually to be fair being a teen in high school IS thinking that this guy a grade younger than you is basically a fresh-faced child#its more when they talk about it as if their youth is fading when 94% of the cast are still in their teen years#like boys i know youre in the idol industry but come on
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user lqfiles i have no idea what to call you.
see saying "hello tumblr user lqfiles" sounds ominous and it's giving sigma... god i hate that word. i have beef with the gen alpha slang, everytime i hear a reel with "what the sigma" i grow a little closer to throwing that toaster right into the bathtub. ANYWAYS, my point is that i'm going to figure out how to come up with a nickname for you. it'll come, eventually trust. i'll think of one okay. something to do with l & q idk. unless there's something else you want me to call you? ALSO NOOO IM NOT RICH. 😭😭 as i mentioned before i bought like... 3x the amount of pcs i OWNED BEFORE i went on a buying spree. so all i had was just the pcs i collected from albums that were gifts from friends... (i never thought it a good idea to spend money on this stuff for myself.) I was actually traveling abroad which was why i hadn't checked in for a bit, and the prices... were just so much cheaper!! So I decided, why not? fuck it we ball! (my life motto to everything at this point...) and i'm in a decent financially stable point in my life where i can indulge in this stuff, so i bought quite a bit... i tried to focus on buying pcs... cause storing albums in my suitcase makes it a lot heavier.
i definitely have a hand kink its not a joke anymore. IT REMINDED ME OF THIS IMAGE (idk if it's going to work if it doesn't uh.... ignore! cause i've never sent links on anon and tumblr hates making things easier for us.) https://postimg.cc/1gWC0B48 AND IDK IF YOU CAN SEE IT BUT ITS SO FUNNY I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING. they're both me
i also have no idea who louis partridge is BUT HOLY FUCKING SHIT I JUST LOOKED HIM UP AND GOD DAMN. like my taste in men is obviously questionable, and like most people i did have a thing for andrew garfield and theo james... but i think i often find myself crushing on east asians half of the time, mostly because i am eastern asian myself, and it's not like on purpose cause i do find other races hot, it's just the way i grew up finding famiiarity in those faces? does that make sense idk im yapping at this point.
ALSO THE SMAU IS SO FUNNY IM CAUGHT UP NOW.... HAECHAN LITERALLY GOING THROUGH ALL STAGES OF GRIEF. HE WANTS HER SO BAD BUT ALSO THE COMPLAIN ABOUT THE WHOLE PINTREST BROWSING.... LIKE HES SO REAL AND CUTE AT THE SAME TIME I LOVE HIM. (chatgpt is too real AND THE FACT THAT y/n IS EATING IT UP IS SO FUNNY LIKE I WOULD'VE ALREADY BEEN LIKE.... why does this sound like it's written by ai...) holy fuck that's a lot i ranted a lot anyways hello, look forward to the next chapter. love you and hope u have a great day TUMBLR USER LQFILES - 🤠
hejdhskdj sometimes i’m tempted to put my name back in my about me so you guys can put a name to my account but then i remember how don’t wanna be perceived THAT much and rethink #SOZZZZ idk maybe i’ll come up with a new alias that you can start addressing me by, tho if you’re curious you can figure my name out if you find my main blog and check my tags 😭
you’re gonna hate me omgg bc except for the word sigma (cos that cringe) i unfortunately love brainrot content atm… like yess give me the skibidi toilet rizz party, give me the ohio fanum tax, GIVE ME RHE MAXIMUM AURA 😅😂 the effect of living with little boys..
FUXK IF WE BALL IS SUCH AN AMAZING LIFE MOTTO like exactly.. we are ballin.. anyways you not spending any money yourself on albums is sending me lmaooo but at least you were able to use the money you had saved to buy yourself some cheeky pcs. tbh i think pcs are the only appealing part for most part when buying an album anyways so it’s a good thing that you didn’t buy albums lmaooo
THE IMAGE IS SHOWING LMAOOOO i love this pic so bad ughhh he has such nice hands i wish i could hold his hands and play with them.. the perfect mix between girly dainty hands and manly veiny like I WANXTHU SO BAD HAECHAN
MOST PEOPLE MUST NOT INLCUDE ME… but tbh i don’t think i have a specific race i like in men, THO IM IN MY ARABIC BOYS ERA RN… idk if anyone knows slushynoobz but hamza.. i wantchu saaaur bad like GIVE ME THE YEMENI BOY.. also i don’t think it’s weird to prefer your own people!!! its something a lot of cultures have too so don’t worry about it you’re not yapping, my mum is the same 😭
LOLLLL HAECHAN EXPERIENCES THE LOSS OF HIS UNOFFICIAL GF he was probably with his head in his hands when she didn’t respond to his apex request. and ntm he tweaked the letter a bit to make it more personalised!!! a bit of ai here and there but still personal!!!!
I LOVE YOU TOOO COWBOY ANON!!!
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a little tipsy | T.S
summary; the reader always gets in trouble when she gets tipsy but this time , she was lucky.
warning; its a fluff, maybe tommy is out of character ? idk and maybe some grammar mistakes , I literally wrote this while i was in class so there is that
word count; 1507
author’s note; nursing school is sort of stressful and I seem to only write when im stressed so.. ,btw I wrote this for @captivatedbycillianmurphy i feel like i owe them, I hope you guys like it! please tell me what you think of it.
she sat at the bar , watching her friends sing and dance while she drank her regular drink, these nights out were not her favorite but seeing her friends laugh made her feel happy. but the moment she saw him entering ,she lowered her gaze and faced forward.
she knew him , like everyone did , she works at a nearby bookstore and when she's done she comes here to help harry , her dad's friend. she would see him everyday but she never talked to him , she would try to pretend like he didn't exist, why? she doesn't even know.
the moment she's done , she'll just hurry to get out but today seemed like she is stuck ,its still early so her friends will refuse to go home and she has to stay and make sure they won't get in trouble.
"it's okay , he is just a guy." she whispered to her self , or so she thought
"yeah , I'm just a guy relax." he smirked and she felt as if her soul left her body.
he is way closer than she thought he was , she peaked slowly to find him still looking at her .
"I'm actually not that bad once you forget the whole gangster thing." he joked
"yeah, I bet." she said meekly, the words of her friend keeps echoing in her head.
"you have a crush on tommy !! aww , thats so cute.!"
"no , I don't " she said as she was organizing the books.
"you do , it's fine , it's natural" she sighed "he is very dreamy so no one blames you"
"no one will blame me because I have no feelings towards that man whatsoever."
"you said 'whatsoever' ,thats you shoving your tongue down his throat in your language"
"what's your name?" he asked
"y/n" she answered , she doesn't know why would he want to know , because honestly she isn't that interesting compared to , well , anyone.
she downed her third glass , she isn't drunk but she is more confident now, she thinks.
"your friends seem to be having fun, why aren't you with them?."
"your brothers are having fun too and I don't see you there."
he was somehow shocked but mostly amused
"you really don't want me around you."
she faced him "my mom really doesn't approve the fact that you exist but I don't mind"
"you work at the bookstore ,don't you?"
"I do"
"why?"
"not a lot of people go there."
"you work in a bookstore to avoid people?"
she nodded and downed her fourth glass , she is a bit tipsy.
"I wish it was this easy for me"
"with a face like yours ? I don't people would leave you alone"
he smiled " I hope that's a compliment "
"It is , your face is like drugs to women"
"your very honest"
"I'm tipsy"
"I like you better when you actually talk"
"I would've never talked to you without a bit of alcohol in my system"
"why is that?"
“take a wild guess” she says as she nods at the group of giggling girls that were obviously talking about him.
he chuckled at her , his smile growing “ I don’t see how that would be relevant”
“um , I feel like I might get stabbed if I talked to you” she glanced at the group of girls once more “ oh , if looks could kill”
he was laughing now , she watched and giggled to herself.
“I made him laugh!” she thought to herself and was feeling a ridiculous sense of pride .
she turned to look at her friends that she forgot about and she was shocked to see them gone except one who was about to leave
“pardon me , I need to do something” she walked away before he could even answer.
“sara , where are the rest ?” she said as she cursed herself for forgetting about them.
“oh , don’t worry! laura’s brother drove them home and I will be walking home” she patted y/n shoulder gently “ I am sober and my house is 5 minutes away , you can stay with your date” she said and wiggled her brows.
“fuck off” she smiled as she hugged her friend goodbye.
“you are an amazing friend , my own brothers wouldn’t be worried about me like that” he was standing behind her now.
she jumped at the wound of his voice “it seems to me as if your brothers are done with your shit”.
“they are” he smiled at her
“I am tipsy and my friends left so I should get going too” she said as she looked at her feet
“ can I walk you home?” he asked as he held the door open for her.
“I didn’t peg you as a gentleman , no offense”
“what? offense taken very personally”
“ I didn’t peg you as a dramatic person either” she giggled as he scoffed
he offered his arm as they walked , she gladly accepted.
“you are not as rude and cold as I thought you would be.” she admitted
“I am, you just are not someone I want to be rude and cold with” his voice was soft and warm , almost out of character.
“so , you are a bitch but not to me?”
“what can I say, it is a piety thing really , you break my heart.”
he threw his head back , laughing when she shoved him, he was back at her side in a few seconds , gently taking her hand in his. she felt as if god finally wanted her to be happy but then she looked up to see her house
“well , this is it,” she said , voice laced with disappointment
“goodnight,”
“you know , I do feel like I want to sober up a bit,” she was already walking past her house,
he smiled and just walked by her, a few minutes later they were back at her doorstep
“goodnight , thomas,”
“goodnight ,” he kissed the back of her hand, she just stared at his eyes for a few seconds smiling and then entering the house.
,in the following morning , y\n was regretting every decision she ever made , she didn’t even drink that much but her body hated her nonetheless .
she laid in her bed , holding the hand the tommy held yesterday and thinking of ways to keep her hands dry and how to never wash them again.
“good morning!” laura barged in y\n room as if it was her own, jumping on the bed beside her friend, y\n just groaned and tried to ignore laura’s existence.
“ I half expected to see a naked tommy deity in your bed.” she giggled
“keep praying , god might listen to you.”she was half asleep.
her moms yelling woke her up “darling! get up! there is a....guest waiting for you.”
the pausing made y\n open an eye and look at her friend , they both seemed to think the same thing
laura pulled y\n and pushed her into the bathroom
“change and freshen up , your mom never pauses so its either our sex deity or satan” she closed the door on her friend.
laura stood by the door and then helped her half asleep friend change and look somewhat alive.
“I swear if it isn’t him , I will murder you.”
“just thank me when he’ll get you a nice diamond ring” she told her friend as they walked down the stairs and into the living room. y/n was scoffing when the sight of tommy awkwardly sipping tea as your mom stared at him,
“oh, wonderful ! just make yourself at home dear , y/n be polite with your guest” her mom got up the moment that she walked in and just left the room with laura
“your mom doesn’t like me at all”
y\n smiled “why are you here ? not that I mind” she sat beside him on the sofa
“I wanted to check on you” he sipped the tea almost shyly.
“I am good , my head feels like it might explode but other than that I am peachy” she sighed
“ you weren’t even drunk” he looked at her ,
“I was drunk enough to get you to like me” she winked at him and he laughed
“are you still drunk?”
“I might be” she shrugged and he smiled , again.
“I will take you out on a date tonight” he demanded
“you know , gentlemen ask for things like dates” she raised a brow
“fine” he cleared his throat “would you like to go on a date with me?”
“I would love to go out with you , thomas” she smiled , then she leaned and gave him a very gentle kiss on his cheek
thomas is not a soft person, but the moment that her lips touched his cheek , he felt himself melt and he doesn’t mind that at all.
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I didn't expect to get tagged but here we are. As you all will be able to tell in a bit, I am a massive Quackity fan
Thank you for tagging me @skeetlehands!
who is your favourite member on the smp?
Look, I love them all but these have a special place in my heart.
Quackity, Slimecicle (I am fully aware he just joined but I still love him), Schlatt, Tubbo, Eret, AweSamdude, and Ponk.
They're just great in and out of character and just have comforting vibes.
when did you first start watching the smp and what made you get into it?
I gotten in during the Pogtopia era since it took me a while to get access to the streams.
I mainly gotten in with the Sad-ist War animatics along with me trying to catch up on Quackity's VODS. Just someone that I was already familiar with being an easier shift into story and learning others through him
what is your favourite part about watching the smp?
Just watching everyone interact with other and just seeing the plot progress in real time. Its literally just dnd but with extra steps but I enjoy it so much
The improv that they all do is amazing and how everyone have different approaches to their characters makes my writer's side so happy with dissecting everything.
What piece of cursed lore is your favourite
That Wilbur canonically fucked a fish and Philza canonically fucked a Samasung fridge and just seeing the fanbase try to change into something that will at least make a bit more sense.
Im included in this, I basically joined the side that has Sally being a mermaid shapeshifting pirate. Mainly because of pirate Fundy
Who is your favorite duo on the smp
Slimecicle and Ranboo: They're the same person but in different fonts, you can convince me otherwise
Schlatt and Quackity: They managed to be super funny together with all of the jokes and balanced with making a very realistic abusive relationship work. It was always fun seeing them flirt with each other for a joke then get hit with whiplash when canon comes in to remind me that this isnt healthy
Tubbo and Tommy: They're two dumbasses who share the same braincell but then they constantly lose it and Tubbo mainly has custody of it
Wilbur and Schlatt: I just enjoy seeing Schlatt messing with Wilbur and occasionally flirts with him to get Wilbur more pissed off
Who are your comfort streamers
Quackity and Slimecicle are comfort streamers
Eret, Fundy, and AweSamdude are my comfort people (meaning I dont watch them as much but I find comfort in their presence. And the other two are also under this category)
Who is your favorite character
Quackity due to how complex his character is and yet how it looks so simple
Schlatt because is just a villian who knows how to play the game without getting caught
Tubbo, watching him trying to be hopeful with everything destroy around him and he just slowly become used to everything going wrong
AweSamdude because he is just trying his best to be a father figure others and I just got family issues
Who do you think the best actor(s) on the smp
Imma skip over the ones that we all already said and get into the ones that dont get enough praise
Quackity: Just how he managed to make his character seem so basic but in reality its really complex. And just seeing the shift from him being a chaotic force of nature to being a serious character that is trying his best to reach something that has been hanging over his head is just *chefs kiss* and he always delivers amazing lines on the spot.
BadBoyHalo: He is doing great right now, even though he is a bit rusty with starting he still manages to get into character and stay in character the entire time. When slowly easing in, you can tell its a bit forced but once he finds his footing, he knows how to deliver his lines.
AweSamdude: His entire bit where he was getting rescued from the egg fucking hurt. How he sounded weak from the entire thing and tired to where he just wanted to rest was so well. And I know he can act more energetic when he was accidentally dragged into playing a cop during Quackity's and Bad's date
Fundy: You guys need to give him more praise for his acting because he is fucking amazing at it. The little touches to how he voice when speaks is so good along with his body language in game. He knows what he's fucking doing and I love him for that. And when he snapped, it made complete sense if you payed attention to his character
I didnt add Ranboo because he's automatically at the top section due to him being a dnd player. Same goes to Slimecicle even though he hasnt acted yet. I dont make the rules. You play dnd, you know how to act
What are your favorite quotes
I dont have favorite quotes, just dialog heavy scenes.
Before Doomsday, Quackity going to take his horse far away from L'Manberg, it being the one thing he cares about. It was just so good
The entire Schlatt and Quackity argument in front of the white house
The meeting between Schlatt and Quackity with Schlatt yelling out to him in a taunting way to where Tommy and Quackity are trying to figure out what happened to the tnt. I constantly rewatch it to feel the adrinaline pumping to feel something
Wilbur's slow descend into insanity and talking to Tommy. Just showing his paranoia and fears consuming him, him projecting his fears into Tommy as an attempt of manipulation, and his hero complex shift into villian one
Schlatt's winning speech of him projecting it as something that was bound to happen no matter what. The amount of charisma and confidence that was in his voice as I was watching Tommy hiding underground in fear was just a perfect scene
Tommy's argument with Dream when everyone is protecting Tommy. Its the small details of Tommy taunting Dream to kill him, knowing he wont no matter what. Him telling everyone to protect Tubbo and everyone listening without hesitation.
The debate that Quackity and Dream had for like 11 or 14 minutes. All of that was completely unprompted unscripted, it was just so satisfying seeing someone stand up against Dream for the first time and actually beating him. Sure it was in a verble conflict but it still counts as a defeat
Be honest, who do you simp for? (Ayo if anyone says Tommy or Tubbo I will🗡)
Schlatt, Quackity, and Slimecicle
Its pretty obvious, I dont really try to hide it
Whats your favorite stream
Uhhhh I dont exactly have one so none I guess
Whats your least favorite streams
Im sorry, but all of the Jackbox stream. You need a specific group of people to play together in order to actually make it funny and keeping the energy throughout the entire thing.
After a bit later, everyone has a tendency of pandering to the audience and repeat jokes. They managed to beat jokes to the ground faster than Tiktok AND Twitter.
Dont get me started with DreamTeam being in there. They're funny in thier own rights but the shipping jokes get so unfunny so quick and they dont know how bounce off of others well. The only exception to this is when Quackity, Velvet, and Ant were playing with Sapnap and Dream. And thats because they decided to mess with the straight white guys into accidently saying offensive shit and seeing those two suffer with trying tiptoe around was so amusing
Whats something about the smp fandom thay makes you sad
This doesnt get me sad, just frustrated and its mostly towards dsmptok and dsmptwt but sometimes this fandom doesnt fucking know how to analyze characters. Like when everyone jumped on Tubbo on being the bad guy when he was a kid trying to use old tatics that knows that worked before and stand up for himself
How when one person decides to do something that they believe is right, everyone just throws the term villian arc around
When one person does one good thing the suddenly everyone accepts into them being good and not ever looking into it.
For fucks sakes, I saw people keep saying that Quackity was turning into Dream or Wilbur and I just sat there being confused on how they conntected those dots that were in different books.
Its so frustrating to read through. But here on dsmpblr, you guys actually understand character analysis, are able to critique them and able to love whoever you enjoy.
Another thing is how this fanbase really puts everyone on a pedestal or objectify them. Just completely forgetting that they're human and treat the streamer as a character. Like, yeah they're playing up a persona whenever they're making content but theres a difference and you shouldn't hold them up like that.
You cant use the argument of "They're young, they dont know any better", when I first entered my first fandom (I was like 11/12), I fully understood that theres a boundary between me and the creator. What they are on screen is a persona but they're still human and I should treat them as such. Its just something that bugs me and its unnerving to see whenever people start getting wierd about it
Final bit is just how the twitch chat acts. They all force the streamer to follow the 'main' plot of it being Tommy or Techno or whoever the fandom chooses to have a favorite, completely ignoring the fact that they are their own character. No one wants to meta game because where is the fun in that but the fucking chat gets so annoying when the streamer goes against fanfavorite of the week. It drains the fun of it being multiple pov's and different characters.
When Slimecicle was barely starting stream I saw so many people spam "Go with Ranboo" and not let him even get into lore first. I hated that I knew it was coming but it was still so fucking frustrating seeing them try to boss him around. Please just let people live outside of the 'main' plot, not everything revolves around your favorites. Now shut the fuck up and let them play
What about the smp fandom that makes you happy?
The people that create art, animatics, theories, playlist, or write oneshots
All of you creators are great and deserve so much more respect then what the fandom gives you because jesus fucking christ they're all so fucking rude. You guys are the ones that are carrying this fandom on your backs and I fucking respect yall for that
________________
Time for da spead: @nixavia @dambette404 and @mocha-is-lost yall dont need to join.....unless😳😳😳
#this is long as hell#sorry#ALSO THANK YOU SKETTLE FOR TAGGING ME#I THOUGHT I WAS MOSTLY AN ANNOYANCE TO YOU FOR CONSTANTLY SENDING IN SOME LONG ASS ASK#dream smp#mcyt
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fuck im gonna watch the film theory on Ratatouille even though it’ll make me mad
part 1.
preface: It’ll probably look like im taking this way more seriously then I actually am ( I mean I love the movie so on some level yes I am ) but I tend to come across way more aggressive then I mean too in my writing oops. Like I don’t mind people having different takes on a piece of media, you can respect and authors intent while still having your own thoughts about a work even if they don’t line up because sometimes what a creator tries to convey and what they really do aren’t exactly the same. But if you’re gonna have such a wild take you better be able to back it up with some real good evidence. Overall tho I’m mostly just doing this cuz im bored lol ( also I haven’t seen the movie in awhile so my memory is a little foggy )
So going in I already know what the argument is gonna be “ good guy bad, bad guy good” whatever, so I’m just gonna comment on the argument and presentation itself as I watch the video
Ah I see we’re going with the good ol’ “ not technically lying but intentionally omitting and/or wording things in a manner that benefits my argument “ technique, I’ve used that before.
Nitpick: As someone on twitter brought up: Protagonist doesn’t mean “good guy” it’s the leading character that the story if focused on, so even if Remy is a bad guy he’s still the protagonist.
I get it’s probably a joke but Remy’s whole deal isn’t that he wants to be famous. He just genuinely loves cooking but can’t do with without fear of being murdered since he’s y’know a rat.
He doesn’t willingly leave his colony, he’s separated from them after he blew their cover by getting caught while cooking and for prioritizing taking the cookbook over escaping.
I’ll just say it now since i’m sure it’ll be brought up later, yeah Remy is kind of selfish, and thats actually a good thing. Him being a flawed character makes him more interesting and this also swiftly sets up his character arc early into the film.
“ If this sounds like an inspirational story about overcoming obstacles and achieving your destiny... you missed the point.” bruh the arc words of the film are literally “Anyone can cook”, it’s about overcoming prejudice to achieve your dreams in spite of everyone telling you not to because of the identity you are born with ( this is not just seen with Remy but also Colette, a female chef )
“Narcissist” As I said before yes Remy is selfish and at times this makes him unlikable but he genuinely cares about his family but he struggles to connect with them since they can’t understand why he’s so passionate about cooking.
Calling it now, the crux of this argument is going to be the scene where Remy gets mad about Linguini taking all the credit for Remy’s work during an interview. Which yeah I’ll agree that Remy was being unrealistic but Linguini had been ignoring Remy’s advice and had grown a bit of an ego which of course eventually leading to Remy having a heated gamer moment and doing abusing Linguini’s trust which the story punishes him for. It’s not a simple right or wrong situation but more of a two wrongs don’t make a right type.
“Jerk of a creature” Newsflash! Not all protagonists are nice, even the ones that aren’t villain protagonists!
First point: Remy is a thief and a hypocrite. I’ll admit I was agreeing that Remy is a hypocrite until he gets to the point of Remy letting his family steal from the kitchen. 1.) This was when him and Linguini were starting to have a falling out, he was angry at him and starting letting that affect his judgement. Was this wrong of him? Yes and he regrets his actions. 2.) Remy cares for his family even if they don’t always get along and his anger at Linguini makes it easier for them to pressure him into letting them steal.
“Remy never learns his lesson” maybe not explicitly but he does face punishment throughout the story. Stealing the book and food from the old lady costs his family their home and gets him separated from them. Allowing his family to steal from the kitchen leads to Linguini calling off their partnership. I don’t remember him stealing again after that.
Also is he implying that Remy is bad for stealing the will that proves that Linguini is the rightful heir to the Gustaeu that Skinner was trying to hide so he could keep profiting off of a dead mans work?
Remy is aware that what he’s doing is wrong, we are shown this through the figment of Gustaeu which represents his conscience reprimanding it but Remy continues to justify himself until it’s too late. He is a flawed character.
“In a realistic context.” Good thing this is a Disney kids film
Fraud!? You’re gonna grill Remy for fraud when Skinner is the one intentionally keeping Linguini from learning about his birth right?!?!?
“Poor Linguini. The sap that Remy controls like a puppet.” here we go again with the manipulative wording hooray
I see where he’s going with this one and it’s really funny to me that’s interpreting Gustaeu’s “Anyone can cook” line the same way Ego does for most of the film. Ego takes the opposite stance MatPat does by mocking the line because to the critic not everyone has what it takes to be a great chef. It’s by the end of the film he changes his perspective on the line to the idea that a great cook can come from anywhere even in the most unexpected of forms like Remy.
Gotta love the clip he added of pre-character development Remy being a jerk to Linguini before to two even met. It really ads to the manipulative wording he uses to make Remy look underhanded and shifty.
Is he really gonna gloss over Remy attempting and failing to teach Linguini how to cook? Remy is a fucking rat who can’t talk directly to Linguini attempting so teaching him would be really damn hard. Not only that but they are on a time crunch and don’t have the time necessary to teach Linguini how to cook like Remy can.
Also whose to say that by watching what Remy is making him do Linguini hasn’t picked up any cooking techniques by the end of the film.
It’s not like Remy freaking forced Linguini into being his man-puppet. Remy is a small animal who can’t talk to people so honestly Linguini has most of the power in their dynamic. Linguini can call of their partnership anytime he wants and even does so after Remy is caught letting his family steal.
“And whats it for? Just so Remy can cook! Just for his own benefit!” BRUH, DID HE NOT SEE THE PART WHERE SKINNER THREATENS LINGUINI’S JOB IF HE CAN’T RECREATE THE SOUP!??!? (Also skinner only wants to keep Linguini around if he can make money off of him )
God damn he really is taking advantage over the fact that most of his viewers either have never seen the film or only watched it when they were young to straight up ignore elements of the fucking plot lmao
“Who hasn’t forced un-consenting adults to kiss “ I can’t believe MatPat is trying to #cancel Remy for being #problematic, #remyisoverparty. The stretch is real my dudes.
LMAO HE LITERALLY MAKES A CANCELLE ON TWITTER JOKE BRUH FUCK OFF
Jesus I feel most of what I have to say will just be me restating what I already said. Ugh lemme just summarize it: Remy is a flawed and selfish rat who often prioritizes following his dreams over his responsibilities putting not just himself but his family at risk. But guess what? He faces consequences for that! His actions get him separated from his family and lost in a giant city, the only reason he doesn’t die is because he got lucky and found Linguini ( also because it’s a film and it ending at the start would be lame )
Also so is he arguing that Remy should just accept his lot in life and give up on his dreams because he can’t change the fact that he’s a rat ( which MatPat often reminds us by calling him unhygienic a lot so far ) as if that’s not the crux of his character dilemma.
I agree it’s wrong of him to put his family at risk but that only applies to the opening of the movie. How is he the only one in the wrong later in the film when both him and Linguini acknowledge to risk of their teamwork?
Here we go with the disease thing again. This is anti-rodent propaganda and I will not stand for it! >:(
Also bruh it’s a fucking kids movie.
??? how the fuck would Remy be aware of rats carrying diseases??? does he work for the fucking CDC????????
“Remy is bad because he kidnaps the pest inspector” Because it would get the restraunt shut down if word got out about the rats!!! And the only reason there are so many rats in the kitchen during this part is because the staff except for Colette all walked out!!!!!!!!! Which, guess what MatPat, wouldn’t just fuck over Remy but Linguini too!
“Oh sure they wash themselves but only after they walked into the kitchen!!!!” and I thought I was bad with nitpicking!
No need to bring up that The Jungle is a fictional story, nope! I guess it’s only fitting to use a fictional book as evidence for an argument covering the logistics of a fictional movie!!!!!!
Remy didn’t fucking “quit” his “job” as a rat poison sniffer, he still does it but he also cooks in secret. When he’s caught he’s separated from his colony ( which MatPat still hasn’t brought up ) so of fucking course he can’t keep sniffing for a clan when he is literally not there!!!!
Also if he’s talking about later in the film when Remy refuses to rejoin the colony when he reunites with Emile then we get the moral dilemma of Remy rejoining his family while fucking over Linguini who can’t cook because Remy is a small rodent and can’t adequately teach him do to a language barrier.
lmao this dramatic emotional music he’s playing bruh
He really is taking the kiss thing that seriously
“I’m not saying Remy shouldn’t follow his dreams” Thats literally what you are saying
“Chef Skinner does nothing wrong��� Okay you law-loving bootlicker lol
I’m not ready for the second half of this so im gonna take a break and make a part 2 later
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Star vs. The Forces of Evil: Thoughts on the Series Finale
SvtFoE just concluded a few days ago, and to be perfectly honest, Im incredibly conflicted.
I've been putting this off for a little while now, since I've needed to time to gather all my thoughts and criticisms of everything that happened in the finale.
Firstly, I don't think they needed a full hour or so to properly wrap things up, like other people have stated.
Instead, more time should have been devoted to the plot and Star in general.
The very strange thing is, despite how much of a threat Mina is, and clearly was in the past few episodes, the writers decided to severely downplay her in favor of revolving mostly around Star and Marco's relationship.
I'm sorry, but in a show as engaging as SvtFoE, romance shouldn't really be the priority in the FINALE, the SERIES finale mind you.
Alot of time gets wasted on the two obsessing over being with each other and it's honestly sickening.
Like, I never cared for Starco, but I really feel like they shouldn't have wasted time with Marco/Jackie Tom/Star, if these two were obviously gonna be endgame.
Had they gotten together waaaay earlier, as they should've, let's say, Season 2, I probably would've felt more about them supposedly being forcibly separated after just getting together.
Another thing that really bothered me was that Star literally just broke up with Tom a few episodes ago, so basically, the relationship was entirely one-sided, and Star was forcing herself to cry during the breakup, and forcing herself to simply be in the relationship with Tom, since she was absolutely, head-over-heels for Marco at that point.
Just feels so rushed and forced, but whatever.
Something that really urked me, was the fact that there was no final battle between Star and Mina, y'know, one last confrontation between Star and the primary antagonist of the season.
No, she just, convienetly is out of the picture thanks to one of the stupid corrupted milhorses, and that's it. She can't even postpone the destruction of Magic or anything.
In my opinion, two, actually cool situations could have played out here.
So, y'know being in the Realm of Magic and all, this should've powered up Mina even further, and Star as well, they're surrounded by pure Magic, so, why shouldn't it empower them?
And then there's some epic final battle between them, maybe Moon and Eclipsa fight alongside Star, Hell, maybe even Tom and Marco get in on the action, and maybe Mina's so powerful here, that they just barely stop her, and while she's temporarily incapacitated, bam, they destroy magic, y'know? Something cool like that.
The other scenario that could play out, is the one that would've been FIRE.
So, the show established a Multiverse exists within the show's universe.
This is seen in Mathmagic, where we get a glimpse of various versions of Star in different universes and timelines.
Now, IMAGINE, if in the Realm of Magic when Mina shows up, Star tries to fight her, but she's too strong or whatever, so she opens up several portals to enlist the help of herselves to help her battle Mina, that would've been so cool, and would have killed two birds with one stone.
1. A proper final confrontation that is epic and different from all the other battles in the show.
2. The show has it's first and only "Multiverse Episode"
Just feels like a missed opportunity to me.
But what do we get?
Oh boy! More Starco drama!
Well, not before they successfully destroy Magic.
I did think it was really nice to see Solaria's spirit, or whatever it was, finally accept Meteora, she just kind of touches her cheek and smiles, it's a pretty sweet moment.
And Glossaryck's last (actual) line is kind of sad to be honest.
Something that really freaking bothered me was the fact that both Star and Marco chose each other over their friends, FAMILY, and HOMES.
Sorry, but I'm just not buying into this whole
"uwu we belong together forever uwu" crap
Like, they should've been together ALOT longer than a few episodes if dialogue like that was to be warranted and for non-Starco viewers to even care about them being separated.
Wait, there was one thing I forgot to mention that happens during this RoM part.
Marco literally is impaled around his stomach by Tom's corrupted Milhorse, and the crazy thing is, he just WALKS it off.
Like, I understand that after Magic is destroyed, the wound disappears, since that's obviously a magical wound, but, he walked around for a good long while BEFORE Star successfully destroyed Magic, so... He just, walks it off???
There's no logical reason for Marco to be able to endure a wound like this, he's fifteen, he's a CHILD for crying out loud.
So, that was shown in the trailer specifically to clickbait everyone, but there's actual pay-off at all.
Marco is able to literally flip one of these horses by the freaking horn, AFTER HE IS WOUNDED.
I feel like, obviously Marco shouldn't just fall over and die after being impaled, but I feel like he should've had to lean on Tom for the rest of the time here, like, there's no plausible explanation as to why he is able to walk this off like nothing happened.
But that isn't the only thing that has no logical explanation.
I know I'm covering most of the negatives so far, but just so you know, I actually was digging this episode for the most part, up until the last two minutes.
Moon and Eclipsa helping Star destroy the Magic was nice and dandy, and finally seeing Eclipsa's and even Meteora's Butterfly forms was pretty sweet.
Finally discovering why Glossaryck loves pudding was actually kinda funny, and served for the plot.
I've hated Ponyhead for a really long time, but she actually made me smile for the first time when she was comforting Star, telling all these stories to assure her, her friends were all well.
And Janna had a similar moment with Marco, where the two, for what seems like the first time, genuinely acknowledge eachother as friends, which was actually really nice.
But then, something has to happen to ruin EVERYTHING.
For a literally entirely unexplained reason, a portal opens between Mewni and Earth, then it explodes, and then Mewni and Earth have merged...?
Oh HEY, Star and Marco can be together at last!
Oh wait, none of this makes any fucking sense.
Is this show honestly trying to tell me, that a MAGICAL PORTAL opened up, despite the fact that Magic was literally destroyed five minutes ago???
There's no logical, rationale, reasonable REASON for this to have happened.
It's all just deus ex machina bullshit Daron came up with just so Star and Marco could be together, great.
Aside from that, there's some very concerning implications as a result of Star's actions that doesn't seem to be acknowledged at all by the characters.
The first thing being, the destruction of Magic means that all magically-based entities will be wiped from existence.
Meaning that entire species have just been wiped off the face of the Multiverse.
Meaning that Star has committed mass-genocide on a Multiversal scale.
And yet no one in the show seems to acknowledge that.
What they should have done, in my opinion, was simply depower all magically-based entities, leaving them to learn how to live without utilizing Magic on a day-to-day basis, that would have been interesting, and far-less scary.
The only one who would justifiably be gone is Glossaryck, who clearly has strong ties to Magic.
I'm surprised a show that is marketed towards children includes a protagonist who commits mass-genocide, and still gets smoochies from her boyfriend.
Woooow.
Another thing is, the Cleaving of Earth and Mewni, isn't exactly beneficial to ANYONE except Star and Marco.
Are humans, mewmans, and monsters, etc going to be able to live together in harmony?
I mean, I highly doubt everything is gonna be all peaches and cream, especially at first.
This probably is going to result in a whole slew of problems, but remember, it was worth it, so Star and Marco could be uwu'ing.
Props to a friend of mine for bringing this to my attention, but Star destroying Magic should've technically erased Meteora as well.
Think about it, Meteora was pretty much reborn through Magic, which would probably make her fall under that magically-based area.
Same thing with Star to be perfectly honest, her original body was destroyed during The Battle for Mewni, and her new body was entirely reconstructed from Magic, meaning that she should've been erased as well.
Which would have made for a hell of an interesting conflict in the finale, but oh well.
Seems like the rules are being ignored if you ask me.
The show unfortunately follows in the footsteps of the Legend of Korra, in which it's final shot and lines are dedicated to shipping, and not the series as a whole.
Which is incredibly disappointing, but oh well.
And then Mina, man oh man...
So Mina is depowered, and Moon offers to rehabilitate her, truly pitying her, and apologizing for using her, (although technically Mina was using her but, whatever)
And instead of Mina finally regaining a bit of her sanity, instead of finally showing some kind of development, instead of finally ending her conquest against monsters, instead of accepting that offer.
Mina just, basically says her racist ideas will always linger in the minds of others, and she walks off into the woods.
Her dialogue and the way she does this is just an absolute joke, like, the writers just downplay her at every possible moment.
The dialogue is clearly supposed to be funny, despite how mentally fractured this woman is, and it just feels disrespectful to the character in general.
Do you want her to be a psychotic, deranged soldier, stuck in her ways, who knows nothing but war and bigotry?
Or do you want her to be a clown, which is it, Daron?
I can't really say I'm satisfied with this ending.
There's too scary and/or concerning implications, unsatisfying resolutions, and questions for this to be a truly good finale.
I think more time should've been dedicated Mina, considering she's the main antagonist of the season, and it's the series finale, and the merging of Mewni and Earth should have never have been a thing.
Star and Marco should've went on with their lives.
The last we see of Marco should have been him going back to school.
And the last we see of Star should have been her giving a speech to the people of Mewni.
I don't know, I was just hoping for alot more, but the end result was just kind of rushed and unfulfilling.
However, when all is set and done,
Star vs. The Forces of Evil was a hell of a four-year ride, I had a blast watching it for all it's 4 seasons, and I'm really gonna miss it.
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Got7 Dating A-Z ⇴ Im Jaebum
Mark Version | Jackson Version | Jinyoung Version | Bambam Version | Yugyeom Version
A ⇴ AFFECTION
if y’all are alone he is a whole different person than he usually pretends to be. very affectionate and always all over you. i feel like he would be more into cuddling and skinship than into showing you affection through words. for example when y’all were eating on the couch watching a show he’d take your legs and put them over your lap just because he likes having his s/o near him.
B ⇴ BEFORE DATING
jaebum was kind of always really into you. when y’all first met he was so interested in you already and it never really went away. at first he wasn’t really flirting with you, he tried to get to know you a bit more first. but as soon as he knew he likes you he never stopped flirting. it didn’t matter if you two were alone or with the rest of the group, he always was very obvious.
C ⇴ CONFESSION
he kind of confessed awkwardly while the two of you made out for the first time leaving you in shock. of course you liked him too but you wouldn’t have imagined him just confessing to you with his hand under your shirt. he then added he just had to say it to you and you should know before you continued this make out session. soon after that you started dating.
D ⇴ DATES
he does take you out every now and then but he mostly enjoys staying home with you. it’s just that he’d like to have every moment with you for himself. when he took you out it was always wonderful, he thought of every little thing and always made it special. but you were also a big fan of your stay-at-home dates.
E ⇴ EXPERIENCE
jaebum and you never really talked about the past relationships y’all had and sometimes you got curious. you know if you’d ask he’d tell you all about it but in the end you didn’t really care. you think he must’ve had a serious relationship before because he really knows how to treat you well and also how to handle you.
F ⇴ FIGHTING
you hated fighting with jaebum. he has a temper and his voice can get loud when things get out off hand. usually fights would be short and extreme. they come without a warning but also always leave really fast usually. even though he needs to learn to control his temper a bit more he knows what to say and what not to say. even though you wouldn’t have thought when you started dating he knows exactly what words would hurt you and makes sure never to hurt you on accident.
G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY
you got to know his family pretty early. since he has a smaller family it was really sweet and his parents loved meeting you. they gave you a welcoming feeling since the first minute and you are always happy to see them. jaebum was more than relieved when he realized that there is nothing to worry about and that his parents actually really like you.
H ⇴ HOME (living together)
he had mixed feelings when he moved into your apartment. of course he was super excited and really wanted this, he was sure about your relationship and couldn’t see why you shouldn’t live together but in the back of his head he was a bit worried that things might change when the two of you actually moved together. these doubts were gone soon though, things worked out really fine and in no time he knew that this was the right decision.
I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”
he would never ever say i love you in front of the members but as soon as you were alone he’d tell you. especially when you were out drinking he’d get so clingy and always needed to tell you. he sometimes was embarrassed himself of his urge to tell you over and over again but he soon stopped fighting it.
J ⇴ JEALOUSY
a jealous man. doesn’t like seeing other guys he doesn’t know close to you at all. he’s the type of guy who’d see a picture of you with a group of friends and would send it to you asking who the guy behind you was. but with close friends of the two of you he never was jealous. jackson could literally sleep in the same bed as you and he wouldn’t have one jealous thought. he just didn’t like the thought of any guy he doesn’t know thinking he might stand a chance with you.
K ⇴ KISSING
even though i do believe jaebum is really cuddly and soft i don’t believe he’s a really big fan of kissing. of course he kisses you quite often, he kisses you goodbye and good morning. sometimes he kisses you when he thinks you are really cute. but in general i feel like when things get heated he wouldn’t be into kissing too much, he’s more focused on touching you.
L ⇴ LAUGHING TOGETHER
about literally everything. mostly about jokes only the two of you would get, a lot of inside jokes. the boys often think y’all joke about them because they never really get what you are talking about. i feel like you often would f.e. watch a show and when there would be a joke y’all think is really bad you’d make jokes about how bad the joke actually was.
M ⇴ MISSING
even though he does miss you when he’s on tour he mostly tries to distract himself with other things so he won’t think about it too much. he’d write you cute little status updates a few times a day and you did the same. y’all just kinda tried to ignore the times when you couldn’t see each other, not talking about how much you actually miss each other because it would make everything even harder.
N ⇴ NICKNAMES
he would give you a nickname based on his name. he’s not the type of guy who’d call you honey, love or anything like that, baby was an exception sometimes. someday he’d come up with a really cute nickname for you and would always call you this name.
O ⇴ OBSESSION
he loves seeing you in his clothes. he would never admit it because it’s just too cheesy but his shirts are always so oversized and you’d just look too cute in them for him to resist.
P ⇴ PUBLIC
jaebum is a serious man in public. it would take him some time to go public but when he decided to do so he just felt so much stress falling from his shoulders because he could finally take you out without being afraid someone would take pics of you. there would be a lot of cute pictures of the two of you out at night, him holding onto your hand and looking at you, all smiling.
R ⇴ RANDOM FACTS
jaebum sometimes just has the urge to pick you up and even though he knows you hate it he never stops. he often just picks you up bridal style and carries you to bed, smirking. it always lifts up his ego somehow and he thinks it’s just really cute how much you hate it. he always adds a flirty comment while smirking. “oh we’re just practicing for the big day baby.”
S ⇴ SEX
dom :) we all know this. he has a vanilla side to him though, sometimes when he is just too tired he’d let you take control and would just enjoy every little thing you did to him. but most of the time he’d take control and as long as he knew he wasn’t hurting you he’d get rough. aftercare is really sweet though. lots of cuddles and kisses.
T ⇴ TEXTING
V ⇴ VACATION
he would prefer making going on vacation something special. he would want to take you somewhere special and do a lot of special shit so you wouldn’t go on vacation often but he made sure that when you did it was always unforgetable.
W ⇴ WHINING
he’s not really whiny. he usually is more the type of guy who get’s annoyed when he doesn’t get what he wants and always finds a way to convince you to give him whatever he wants. if you were giving him a silence treatment he might get a bit whiny after some time because it just was frustrating to him.
Z ⇴ ZZZ (Sleeping)
he’d hold you so close to his body all the time that you seriously had a hard time breathing sometimes. when you woke him up and told him he just would smirk and say something like “you’re just weak” and fall right asleep again. all in all sleepy jaebum really just wants you near him, when he sleeps he can finally relax and he wouldn’t want to miss you while relaxing.
#im jaebum#jaebum imagine#jaebum scenario#jaebum a-z#jaebum imagines#jaebum scenarios#jaebum au#im jaebum imagine#im jaebum scenario#jaebum bf#jaebum boyfriend#boyfriend jaebum#got7#got7 au#got7 scenario#got7 imagine#got7 scenarios#got7 imagines#got7 boyfriend#got7 jb#jb
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Give Me A Try (New Chapter)
Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 3
(Part One)
(Part Two)
(Read on Ao3!)
Dan’s in the middle of his break, scrolling through his phone, when a text notification appears at the top of his screen. He drops his bagel into his lap, cursing.
The text is from Phil. He doesn’t know any other Phil’s, so it has to be AmazingPhil, texting him, inexplicably.
He clicks the notification, eyes wide, simultaneously scooping up the bagel bits that have fallen onto his knees.
From: Phil To: Dan im in makeup for a weird photoshoot for some korean clothing brand and they just put loads of silver goo in my hair to make it chromey
As Dan is reading the message, searching between the lines for a reason Phil might be telling him this information, another text pings through.
From: Phil To: Dan whoops, i kinda meant to send that to PJ. but hey, if you’re interested, here’s a pic of me with ‘Kpop Idol Silver Hair Paste’ in lol xx
From: Phil To: Dan [image]
The phone slips from Dan’s fingers, clattering through his legs to the floor of the staff room. Phil has sent him a selfie. An un-edited, un-Instagrammed photo of his breathtaking face, up close. Sure, there’s a weird silvery goop in his usually raven hair, but still. Gingerly, Dan retrieves the phone, a small, strangled sound escaping from his throat as he surveys the image in front of him.
It makes a little more sense now that Phil has informed him that he had actually mistakenly texted the original message, but did the guy really have to follow up with a photo? He must, surely, be aware of Dan’s crush. He witnessed the brunt of Dan’s obsessive stalking in person on his phone, after all.
Bagel entirely forgotten, Dan just stares down into the pixelated blue of Phil Lester’s eyes, wondering how to respond, and if he even should. Deciding eventually that it would be rude not to, Dan shakily types out something he hopes is vaguely witty.
From: Dan To: Phil hahaha wow :’) kpop? more like kpoop. (it looks like bird poop, sorry dude.) x
From: Phil To: Dan hahaha it does ur so right. and if you think thats bad you should see the outfits… xx
Settling back into his chair, Dan bites his lip. As he thinks of a potential response, his eyes wander over to the spot, just to the right of him, where he and Phil had stood not long ago, when it had seemed like maybe, possibly, Phil might’ve…
But obviously that’s absurd.
Dan’s wishful thinking had clearly driven him to the point of hallucination, because the very notion that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the famous Instagram model, would ever have looked at Dan as anything more than a random bartender, is laughable.
Dan sighs to himself, then smirks. Well, just because he has no chance, doesn’t mean he can’t utilise his semi-connection to the celebrity to get some behind-the-scenes footage of his fave.
From: Dan To: Phil well now i have to see x
There’s a noticeable pause, and Dan wonders, panicking vaguely, if he may have pushed too far. Is it a little much to ask this of Phil? Maybe he just won’t respond, and Dan will have to quit his job forever, or maybe just spend his shifts on red alert that Phil will wander into the bar, and hide from him if he does-
He texts back.
From: Phil To: Dan [image]
From: Phil To: Dan hot, right? xx
For two long, uninterrupted minutes, Dan is frozen. Then, he lets out a muffled groan of frustration. The photo Phil sent is a full body shot taken by someone else; he’s dressed in an asymmetrical long white t-shirt with several long rips through the chest, some bright pink camouflage trousers, and a shiny silver puffer jacket with a black fur-lined hood. The outfit is a complete disaster, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. His chest is visible through the slits in the tee; having seen it twice now IRL, Dan is drawn to the slivers he can see. The trousers make his eyes pop, and the jacket matches the silver streaked through his hair.
His pose is casual, feet apart, smirking at the camera, with his hands gesturing to his body as if to say ‘see what i mean?’. If he’d posted this on his Instagram, Dan gets the feeling he’d have saved it to his camera roll anyway, maybe even made it his phone background.
Dan’s done that with a few of his favourite photos of Phil in the past. He won’t even dwell on the time when Phil posted a photo of himself in the bath and Dan, in a semi-sleep-deprived fit of insanity, printed the photo out and stuck it on his wall.
Tyler came over once, weeks later, saw the photo taped above Dan’s bed, and tore the thing down. He’d told Dan, quite rightly, to stop being such a creep and keep his crazed obsessive behaviour to social media like everyone else.
“Who even has physical photos these days?? You’re like a fucking serial killer!”
Dan chuckles at this memory. He’s glad for Tyler, sometimes, even if he’s only good for keeping Dan’s stalkerish behaviour within the realms of normalcy.
Belatedly, he realises it’s been over five minutes and he still hasn’t responded to Phil. Also, his break is close to being over.
From: Dan To: Phil woww. please, phil of the future, tell me what life is like in 2087 x
From: Phil To: Dan stawwp. i keep laughing out loud at what ur saying and now the designer is sending me death glares :’’’D xx
Trying hard to ignore the fact that his dorky jokes are apparently literally making Phil ‘lol’, Dan checks the time, and sighs, typing out another message.
From: Dan To: Phil is the designer a martian? or maybe secretly one of those reptile-people? maybe skin him just to be safe. also my break is over so i gtg. have fun on set of NASA’s moonlanding recreation x
From: Phil To: Dan aww ur at work too? that sux. i forgot that u work at night lol. hope u stay dry this evening ;) xx
From: Dan To: Phil speaking of… why are u at work? isnt it kind of late for a photoshoot? x
From: Phil To: Dan well its 8am here so no haha xx
From: Dan To: Phil where are you? x
From: Phil To: Dan seoul :) hence the… unusual fashion lol xx
Dan’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He stands from his chair, throws his half eaten bagel in the trash, and looks around himself. He’s in the staff room - a small, dusty space with a row of falling apart lockers, a couple of chairs and a small table. There’s a hook on the wall which holds a load of unused aprons, and a rusty heater for when it’s especially cold.
He’s about to go back out to serve a load of rowdy customers some overpriced cocktails, then mop a dancefloor sticky with sweat, alcohol, and whatever other liquids might have found their way there. Then, he’s going to go back to his crummy flat way across in Kemptown, unfold his sofabed, and fall asleep to Netflix.
Phil, on the other side of the world in Korea, is having his hair, makeup and wardrobe done by professionals. He’s being treated like a celebrity, no doubt, and pampered excessively. Later, he’ll receive high-definition, professional photographs of himself looking gorgeous, and post them to his Instagram, where millions of people will tell him how stunning he looks.
Dan sighs to himself. How the other half lives.
*
The following day, Dan wakes up to find that Phil has updated his Instagram story, and posted the photo with the silver goo in his hair. The same one he’d sent to Dan. The caption reads:
Not sure silver hair was a good idea! The designer was going for Kpop, but ended up with Kpoop… can’t wait to show you guys the photos from this shoot! xx
Two things cross Dan’s mind.
First, Dan can now officially state that he had a sneak-peek at an official AmazingPhil photo before it was posted.
Second, the bitch totally stole his joke.
He smiles to himself ruefully, then decides to leave a comment. There’s no way that Phil will even see it - he’s never seen any of Dan’s others, or at least Dan sincerely hopes he hasn’t, as they’re mostly things like ‘choke me’ or ‘slap me round the face with your yaoi hands dad’.
Okay, maybe he tends to leave those sorts of comments when he’s less than sober.
This time, Dan just taps out a simple:
danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)
Still smiling to himself, Dan rolls over onto his side, and settles in to watch Phil’s story. The stories are usually long, silly, and full of adorable clips of Phil being clumsy and cute. As expected, this one is no exception. It’s a tour of Phil’s hotel room in Seoul, which is very posh.
Phil exclaims over the origami hand towels on his bed, the robe provided for him in the wardrobe, and the multiple options on the ‘disco shower’ as he calls it. Just as Dan is marvelling at the panoramic shot Phil has filmed of his view from the balcony, a notification pings at the top of his screen.
amazingphil replied to your comment: joke stealing is…
Dan sits bolt upright in bed, the sheets falling off him. He runs a hand through his messy hair, eyes wide. He clicks the notification before it disappears, heart pounding.
Oh no, oh no, oh no. Dan hadn’t intended for him to actually see. What if Phil thinks he’s being rude? He doesn’t actually mind Phil stealing his stupid joke about the hair goo. It’s an honour, if anything, that Phil finds his dumb joke good enough to post as a caption millions of people will read.
Heart thrumming, Dan finds the response Phil left.
danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)
amazingphil: @danisnotonfire aha i was kinda hoping you wouldn’t see ;D
Another notification pings at the top of his screen.
amazingphil started following you
“Holy shit,” Dan says to nobody.
amazingphil liked your photo
“Fuck,” Dan squeaks, clutching his pillow for support. “Stop it Phil, I’m gonna have a heart attack.”
Curious, Dan clicks the last notification, wondering which photo it was that Phil pressed the little heart for. To his surprise, it’s a selfie, one he took at work around a month ago. He took it during a lull between serving, if he remembers correctly. The lighting hadn’t been awful when he was doing his hourly fringe check in his phone camera, so he’d snapped a pic. It’s nothing special, just a moody expression and a wash of pink lighting across one half of his face.
amazingphil commented on your photo
amazingphil: nice pout ;) xx
Dan falls back into the pillows, mind obliterating itself into a thousand, tiny pieces.
*
Over the next few weeks, Dan has several text conversations with Phil. They’re usually started by Phil himself, who will - out of what Dan assumes is boredom - sometimes send him a random meme, a musing about his surroundings, or a selfie. For obvious reasons, Dan prefers the latter.
No matter how many times Phil reaches out via text, the surreality of it never fails to send Dan’s mind freewheeling. It always knocks the wind out of his lungs, it always makes him stop dead in his tracks, and it always leaves him struggling to recover for the next few hours. Whenever this happens at work, Tyler never fails to tease him mercilessly.
“Whoops! Please excuse him, sir, his mind has been blended by a single text from his crush,” Tyler tells a customer the fifth time Dan drops a glass behind the bar.
Dan scowls at his friend, but doesn’t try to defend himself. It’s true, after all. One text from Phil has him behaving like a moron. He becomes physically inept, unable to make the simplest drink.
One night, after the bar has closed, Dan and Tyler are cleaning up.
“So when’s he gonna stop torturing you over text and come sweep you off your beer-drenched tootsies?”
Dan rolls his eyes at this. “He’s not, Ty. He’s a rich and famous superstar, and I’m clearing up puke for the third day in a row.”
Dan wrinkles his nose as he continues mopping up the patch of vomit. He’s suspicious at this point; three days in a row is unusual. Is the same person coming in each night and spewing their guts all over the dance floor out of spite? Perhaps it’s some sort of hate crime.
“It’s like a Cinderella story!” Ty exclaims, pirouetting around his broom. “Except it’s gay, which makes it even better.”
Dan scoffs at him. “I’m pretty sure fairytales don’t involve stalking someone over social media and having them find out. He’s just taking pity on me because he saw that first night that I’m a fan.” Dan dunks the mop back in the bucket, turning to Tyler. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he has a boyfriend.”
Tyler sucks in a scandalised breath. “What! Who?”
Dragging the mop back to the supply closet, Dan laughs. “Remember the drunk guy he came with? The one who gave me a lovely Rainforest shower?”
“Him?”
Dan sighs, locks the cupboard, and nods. He digs into his pocket for his phone, and brings it over to show Tyler the photo of Phil and Charlie kissing. Matt, the security guard wanders over to see as well, letting out a low whistle.
“He’s a nonce if he thinks that guy’s behaviour was attractive,” Matt says. “He puked ‘soon as I got him out the door that night. All over the pavement.”
Dan looks at Matt, tilting his head in interest. “He did?”
Tyler plucks the phone out of Dan’s hand, zooming into the photo to have a better look, a frown on his face.
“Yep, your friend there came out, called him an Uber and sent him off,” Matt says. “Doubt pukey there would’ve made it home without him.”
“Nice guy,” Dan mutters, cheeks warm.
“This is staged,” Tyler announces abruptly.
“What?”
“Look,” he says, bringing the phone back over for Dan to see.
He zooms in on the crux of the kiss, right onto Phil’s face. Dan grimaces.
“Ty, I don’t want to see-”
“Shut up and look at his face,” Tyler interrupts, grabbing Dan’s chin and angling it towards the phone. “See how his lips are puckered? All stiff and pointed, like he’s kissing his grandma. And his eyes are open.”
“He’s looking at the camera!”
“Nah, Tyler’s right mate,” Matt says. The gum he’s chewing is making gross squishy sounds right in Dan’s ear as he leans over to look. “He looks awkward as hell.”
Dan narrows his eyes at the photo, trying to see what the others see.
“Besides, didn’t you say he hated that guy?” Tyler asks, clicking off the photo.
Dan tuts, snatching his phone back. “Well, apparently he was just being nice to compensate for the fact his kissing buddy covered me in sugary cocktail.”
He makes the smart decision to step away from this preposterous conversation before he does something stupid. Like allow either of these morons to give him hope that Phil is actually single.
Not that Phil being single would even matter.
“Or he was making it clear that he’s available!” Tyler calls after him as Dan stalks over to the staff room. “He whipped his shirt off for you twice and gave you his number. Do you think he’d do that if he had a boyfriend?”
“Drop it, Ty!” Dan calls back, shutting the staff room door behind him.
He will not let himself fall into the trap of daring to believe he could get someone as gorgeous, as hilarious, as pure and… amazing, as Phil Lester.
He won’t.
*
This is a good philosophy, in theory.
In practise, it turns out to be a lot more difficult. Dan finds this out to his cost when Phil strolls into Habenero the following Friday with Charlie Hickory at his side. Dan’s stomach sinks as soon as he sees the pair, the butterflies that appear each time Phil so much as acknowledges exploding into dust the moment he registers who Phil is here with.
Phil makes a beeline for the bar, a big smile on his face as he sees Dan. Warily, Dan smiles back, very aware that he is not exactly Charlie’s biggest fan.
“Dan!” Phil sings, chipper as ever.
Blushing already, Dan waves an awkward hand. He will never, he’s sure, get used to hearing his name on Phil Lester’s lips. “Hi. You’re back.”
“Of course! This is my local hangout now,” Phil says, winking. “Great cocktails, cute bar staff, crazy Bingo nights… this place has got it all.”
“Some people might not agree with you about the cocktails,” Dan can’t help himself saying, glancing at Charlie.
Charlie shuffles awkwardly on the spot. “Right,” he says, casting a look at Phil. They share a look that seems loaded with something Dan is not privy to, and then Charlie sighs, turning to Dan. “I wanted to, uh, apologise. About last time. Totally not cool of me to… tell you off like that. I was wasted.”
For an awkward moment, Dan waits for the actual word ‘sorry’ to leave Charlie’s mouth. It becomes obvious fairly swiftly that the dude feels he’s already said enough, so Dan just gives him a tight smile, and clears his throat.
“Oh, yeah man,” he says. “Let’s just… move on, I guess.”
If Charlie won’t say sorry, then Dan’s sure as hell not going to say he forgives him.
“So, drinks?” Phil asks, seeming to sense the taut atmosphere. “Maybe not cocktails?”
Dan can’t help the splutter of laughter, but Charlie shoots a dagger-like glare Phil’s way. It makes Dan’s lip curl; how could anyone be angry with Phil, of all people?
“Maybe some beers?” Dan suggests, teeth clenched. “We have a load of craft beers, or if you’re more into spirits I could make you guys a-”
“I’ll have a vodka and light tonic, no ice,” Charlie interrupts. “A double. If you use regular tonic, I will know.”
“Charlie,” Phil hisses under his breath.
They exchange another loaded look, and again Charlie sighs, turning to Dan with a fake smile. “Please.”
Swallowing the urge to roll his eyes, Dan nods, then gladly turns his attention to Phil. “And for you?”
“Oh,” Phil says, like it’s only just occurred to him that he needs to order as well. “God, I’m so bad at deciding, err…”
As he’s dithering, Charlie sighs. “Are you cool to get these, Phil? I’m gonna go find us a table.”
“You don’t wanna dance?”
“Not in the mood.”
Phil nods, obviously disappointed. “Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you in the back.”
With that, Charlie is gone, slipping into the crowd. The look of distaste must be more evident on Dan’s face than he thinks, because Phil laughs at it.
“I know,” Phil says. “But he does have a few… marginally amiable qualities.”
‘Why have you chosen to be with someone that’s marginally amiable when you’re so great,’ is what Dan wants to ask. Instead, he simply shrugs, deciding to change the subject.
“Have you decided on a drink yet? I’d better get on with making his low-cal dishwater.”
Phil laughs a little, then leans forwards, his smile deepening as he leans across the bar. “Surprise me.”
Something sparks a roman candle in Dan’s stomach, and his skin prickles with the heat it creates. He drags his eyes free of Phil’s with some difficulty, nodding, and turns to make the drinks.
He prepares Phil a ‘PopQueen’ cocktail, which is one of their most popular. It’s inspired by popcorn, along with the trio of Pop Queens that rule the gay music scene: Gaga, RiRi, and Bey. The moscato vodka base is made from Italian grapes to represent Gaga’s heritage, the spiced rum is a shoutout to Bey’s favourite drink, and Riri comes in in the form of a smoky splash of passion fruit bitter. The rest is topped up with popcorn syrup, lemonade, a sprinkle of caramel popcorn kernels, and as many sparkly cocktail sticks as Dan can fit in.
He explains the whole concoction to Phil as he presents it, a little smug because he knows this is an impressive looking cocktail. It’s probably his favourite one to make; the Viniq shimmery moscato vodka makes the drink swirl and shimmer - always exceptionally pretty.
Sure enough, Phil’s mouth drops open at the sight of it. “Okay wow,” Phil says, chuckling. “I’m gonna get drunk tonight, aren’t I?”
“If that’s your plan, this should definitely help you on your way,” Dan says, laughing too. “I wouldn’t recommend having a second if you want to remember your evening.”
Phil leans forwards to take a sip of the PopQueen, moaning around the straw, much to Dan’s dismay. He plucks one of the popcorn pieces off and eats it, eyes closed. In related news, Dan struggles not to fall to the floor. “Dan, you are an artiste,” Phil says. “Popcorn is my all time favourite food.”
“Oh, wow, that’s... lucky, I guess,” Dan stammers, a swell of pride surging up into his chest. “Glad you like it.”
“So, how much?”
“Oh, on the house.” Dan smiles, sliding the cocktail across the bar along with Charlie’s vodka tonic. “I feel bad for not letting you in on the forfeit for Bingo last time.”
The look on Phil’s face softens into something so sweet Dan can taste sugar on his tongue.
“You don’t have to do that,” Phil says softly.
“It’s fine, really,” Dan assures him, all but sliding his elbows across the bar towards him. “I insist.”
A twitch in the corner of Phil’s mouth, and then he’s leaning across the bar. It happens slowly, but Dan still manages to be caught off guard. One moment, he’s watching, bemused, as Phil inches towards him, and the next there’s a light press of paper-soft lips to his cheek. A scratch of stubble grazes over Dan’s skin as Phil leans away.
“Thanks,” Phil tells him, smiling. “You’re sweet, Dan.”
And then he’s turning away, drinks in hand, slipping into the mass of people.
*
For the next few hours, Dan hopes for Phil to return to the bar for another round. He waits, eagerly, for this moment to come. Instead, Charlie is the one who brings his and Phil’s glasses back over, and waves to flag down Dan’s attention.
He nods in acknowledgement, finishing up the drinks order he’s in the middle of, and sidling over to Charlie. He forces a strained smile.
“Same again?”
“Yeah,” Charlie says, digging out his phone. “And a couple of vodka shots.”
He says nothing else, eyes glued to his phone screen. Dan waits for a moment before moving off, eyes stuck to Charlie’s face. He’s the kind of gorgeous that shouldn’t exist in real life. Unblemished, tanned skin. Clean, dark stubble, lacing his perfect, razorblade jawline. His hair is a swoop of glossy mahogany; even the cut of it looks expensive.
Charlie’s eyes flick up to Dan’s, obviously questioning why he’s staring, so Dan nods, embarrassed, and hurries to make the drinks. From a superficial standpoint, it’s obvious why Phil is with Charlie. Obviously, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is the most attractive man on the planet, but that’s just because he’s Dan’s type. Even he can tell that Charlie is objectively a beautiful human being.
It’s just a shame about everything below the surface level.
Dan pours the two shots Charlie ordered. “All together it’s twenty pounds, please.”
Charlie snorts, then pockets his phone at last. “Figures you’d give Phil the discount.”
He pulls out a twenty and slaps it on the counter.
“Sorry, I can’t give you guys free drinks all night.”
Charlie just stares back at him, a faint, knowing smile caught on his dusty pink lips. One of this thick eyebrows is slightly quirked, sliding an irritation under Dan’s skin. “Listen, Danny, is it?”
“Dan,” he grits.
“Dan,” Charlie says, leaning across the bar. “A little advice, yeah? Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.”
He downs both the shots in quick succession, baffling Dan, who is frozen, mortified, to the spot. Before his brain can thaw enough to stammer out some witty rebuttal, Charlie has swept the drinks off the counter, and is moving away.
Cheeks burning, Dan turns around, trying to calm his boiling blood. He squeezes his fists together, counting to ten, the way he makes himself after all encounters with dickhead customers.
“Hey, sweetcheeks, can we get some drinks over here, please?”
With a deep sigh, Dan unclenches his fists, and turns to the next customer.
*
At around one in the morning, Dan runs to the bathroom for a minute, and on his way, he sees Charlie. He’s against the wall of the club, near the DJ booth. There’s a muscular, dark-skinned man pressing him there; their faces are close. Dan can’t stop, he’s left Tyler and Dodie to the mercy of the drunks in their worst state - things get rowdy an hour before closing - and he needs to get back there. So, instead, he simply tucks the image away in his mind, to think about later on.
That man, leant against Charlie in a less-than-innocent seeming stance, was certainly not Phil, after all. As he exits the bathroom, he notices that Charlie is gone, as is whoever was with him.
*
At 1:55am, the lights come on. As usual, an enormous groan chants out of the crowd of patrons on the dance floor, followed by a few pairs awkwardly stepping out of the shadows, some squinting and eye-covering, and the slow, jelly-legged walk to the coat-check area.
“I think I just saw some guy getting up off his knees in the corner,” Tyler says despondently. “Shotgun not mopping the floor tonight.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “On the dance floor? Really? Why can’t they suck each other off in the bathroom like normal people?”
“Oh, there were definitely people doing that in one of the stalls about an hour ago,” someone says to Dan’s right. The voice, for some reason, sends the hairs up on the back of Dan’s neck.
He turns, wondering when Matt’s voice got so low, only to find that Phil has perched himself on one of the bar stools, the dregs of his cocktail still in a glass in front of him. For a moment, Dan is too stunned at the sight of him to reply. Then, he registers that the lights are on, and cringes, knowing he likely looks frightful. Phil, of course, looks radiant as ever even under the harsh fluorescents, apart from a faint tiredness, visible in the dark circles underneath his eyes.
“You’re still here,” Dan comments. “I thought you guys had gone.”
“Charlie left,” Phil says, looking away from Dan. “Or I assume he did.”
Out of sight, Tyler catches Dan’s eye, making an obscene gesture with his hands before snickering and running off in the direction of the supply closet. Dan just glares after him, pink-cheeked, and turns back to Phil.
“Wait, he left without telling you?”
One of Phil’s shoulders moves towards his neck, then falls. “He does that.”
“Wow that’s… kind of shitty.”
As soon as the words are out, Dan regrets them. He can’t help but think of Charlie’s comment from earlier; it rings in his ears as if the guy had screamed it at him.
Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.
He was right, probably, though Dan had hated hearing it. He should stop being such a suck-up. It must be awkward and cringey for Phil to see Dan so obviously smitten.
Still, Phil throws him a faint smile. “It’s cool. He’s just a flaky guy. A bit of a princess. He grew up rich, so he’s always been a bit superficial. I’m trying to wring the bourgeoisie out of his blue blood.”
Dan snorts with laughter. “In my experience, you can’t filter the dickishness out of people very easily.”
There’s a silence, then. Phil regards him with a faintly curious expression.
“Maybe I’m wrong,” Dan says once the silence gets too uncomfortable. He shrugs, grabbing the rag from his back pocket and starting to wipe down the bar. “I don’t know the guy, really. I’ve just had a couple of unfortunate experiences with him.”
“Oh no,” Phil says, face falling. “What did he do this time?”
Dan laughs, bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. He’s just a little mouthy, is all.”
“Ugh, I’m sorry.”
“Nothing I can’t handle.”
“So, when do you get to leave this place?” Phil asks, playing with his glass. He still hasn’t drunk the remainder of his cocktail. “Or do you sleep here?”
“On weekdays, the bar closes at two, so I get out of here at around two-thirty.”
“Christ,” Phil mutters. “And I thought my job was long hours.”
A laugh bursts out of Dan’s throat, but he covers it as best he can with a cough, turning away. Busying himself with ‘dusting’ some liquor bottles, Dan tries to compose a straight face. Is Phil honestly going to try and argue that his job is difficult? When was the last time that guy ever grabbed a broom, or handled someone’s sticky change?
In a minute, Dan is going to go into the corner of the dance floor, get down on his knees, and clean up some randomer’s come. A few weeks ago he saw Phil swanning about a five-star hotel in Korea. If AmazingPhil’s worst complaint is that he had to have a few questionable outfit choices put on him, and some silvery goo in his hair, then he needs a reality check.
Nevertheless, Dan knows that he can’t say any of this. Not only would he never dream of insulting Phil Lester, but it’s pointless to try and explain the differences between classes to someone in a privileged position. They’ve usually forgotten how to understand.
“Are you close by, at least?” Phil asks, interrupting Dan’s thoughts.
Dan turns back to him. “Kemptown. It’s half an hour’s walk, more or less.”
“You walk?” Phil asks, eyebrows skyrocketing towards his quiff. “At two in the morning?”
“Five in the morning on weekends,” Dan confirms, hiding a smile at Phil’s surprise. “It’s okay, you get used to it. Besides, it’s mostly just drunk idiots chugging cans of cider and threatening to run into the sea. Not too scary.”
Despite Dan’s reassurance, the look of pity and concern on Phil’s face doesn’t subside. After a while, Dan turns from it, feeling awkward. He busies himself with clearing away the last of the empty glasses, yawning into the crook of his elbow. Tonight was rough.
“You should crash at mine,” Phil blurts.
Sure he must have misheard, Dan faces Phil slowly. “Um, what?”
“If you’re exhausted, I mean.” Phil fidgets, fingers tapping against his glass. “Like, on the nights you can’t face walking all the way home, you can totally just sleep on my sofa.”
Speechless, Dan simply stares.
“The couch is pretty comfy,” Phil continues in a ramble, not meeting Dan’s eye. “And my flat is just up the road, literally like a minute away. I’m not saying, y’know, come over every night, ‘cause obviously… that might be an issue, but you can absolutely stay round on, say, Saturday nights when you finish later. That wouldn’t be a problem.”
He’s just being nice. That’s Dan’s only explanation. Phil Lester is a sweetheart of a person, and he got so worried about the hypothetical danger involved in Dan’s walks home, that he offered something big, even though he didn’t really mean it.
Dan is a stranger to him. He needs to decline the polite offer, and let Phil off the hook he accidentally created to string himself up on.
So, Dan forces out a small chuckle, and says: “Oh, no, it’s really fine. Thanks for the offer, that’s really good of you, but I quite like the walk. It’s a nice come down after a busy night.”
Phil nods, chewing his lip. He looks unconvinced. “I’m not just saying it, though.” His voice has dropped to a lower tone. “Like tonight… you’re so tired, I can see it. Just grab some sleep at mine before you head back across town.”
As soon as Phil mentions it, the quilt of his own exhaustion flops around his shoulders, dragging Dan’s bones towards the floor. He tries to picture the stumble back to his crummy flat in Kemptown, loathing each imaginary step.
“You barely know me,” Dan says - one last attempt at refusal.
Sensing he’s won, Phil smiles very slightly, then downs the rest of his cocktail at last. “I don’t know if it’s just me, Dan, but I have this feeling that we’re going to be good friends.”
(Part 4!)
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he’s all that: chapter two
fandom: it
pairing: reddie (richie tozier/eddie kaspbrak)
word count: 5k
one | on ao3
summary:
Richie smiled smugly, “You’ve got spunk Kaspbrak. I like that.”
“Why don’t you try shutting the fuck up Tozier,” Eddie retorted as the line moved forward, “So what is this, if not some ploy to get me to tutor you? Some sort of dork outreach program? Because I’m not interested.”
—
Or: The one where Richie Tozier has six weeks to get into a relationship and make someone fall for him. Only problem? That someone is the anxiety ridden, goody two shoes Eddie Kaspbrak, and he can’t even stand to be in the same room as Richie.
warnings: there is drug use in that bev/mike/richie are HUGE stoners. also this chapter there is mentions to maggie being an alcoholic.
a/n: hey! decided to post two weeks in a row just to get the ball rolling (which is why i still dont have all the chapters figured out as promised, my apologies). i'll probably start the every other week thing for next update (so chapter three should be up by march 4th). i would try to do every week but im a college student who has Stuff to do and also makes gifs and im horrible at finishing my writing so, giving myself a realistic deadline that will still hopefully produce quality work. anyways, richie and eddie finally interact this chapter! it's....................... a bit messy though. and we get to see the rest of the losers club in this one too.
tag list: @richietoaster, @wintersember, @howellhxlic, @ed-txzier, @clara-farl3y
After standing in the hallway arguing with Bev for ten minutes, (“I mean really Bevs, fuck!” “You said anyone.” “How do we even know he’s gay?!” “Richie, please.”) Richie resigned himself to the fact that he was going to find some way to charm Eddie. Maybe Beverly would let him borrow that spellbook she bought junior year when she had become obsessed with witchcraft and hexing the patriarchy.
Once school was finally over, Richie dropped off Mike at his farm per usual, ranting about the bet the whole ride over. The farm boy nodded along, but he knew the words ‘told you so’ sat on the tip of his tongue.
They pulled up to his house, the engine idling so he wouldn’t have to spend time getting it to start again, “Don’t wait up for me tonight if you wanna smoke. Got lotsa research in store,” Richie said as Mike grabbed his backpack and got out of the car.
Mike raised a brow, leaning into the passenger window (which in its broken state always stayed down), “I’m surprised Rich. You never do your homework.”
“Homework shmomwork,” he tapped the end of his cigarette out the window before taking another drag, “Gotta figure out what little ol’ Edward likes. Time for some deep dark internet exploration.”
“Ah, you’re gonna stalk him. Wasting time on social media does sound much more in character,” Mike smiled.
“It’s not a waste Mikey darlin’, a shit ton of preemo dank is on the line.”
The other boy laughed and shook his head, “Godspeed Tozier.”
Richie saluted Mike as he reversed out back to the main road, Bigmouth Strikes Again blasting on the old car radio.
He weaved through the streets filled with kids walking home or trying to find something to do in this shit-hole town. Long afternoons spent at The Aladdin watching the newest releases or aggressively slamming his fingers down on his favorite game at the arcade came to mind; along with going out of his way to bother just about everyone in his path. Richie never really had many friends when he was younger, spending most of his time alone. He was grateful he crossed paths with Bev and Mike, to fate, luck, God if it existed. The universe was rarely kind to him, but finding them was the best thing that ever happened to him.
Plus, the first time he had smoked weed, but that was with them too.
Turning onto his street, Richie pulled up to the unsuspecting two-story white house. It was straight out of a handbook on the American Dream; but the closer one looked, the imperfections started to appear.
The box overflowing with bottles once filled with alcohol next to the recycling bin, which was already too full with more empty bottles. A crooked ‘Home Sweet Home’ sign by the front door. Dying grass, overgrown and conquered with the little weeds Richie used to make wishes on before blowing the seeds into the summer air (I wish for friends. I wish for better parents. I wish to be loved).
He parked the station wagon on the curb, saving the space next to his Mom’s car for his father.
Maggie’s car hadn’t been driven in months (years?), and Richie absently wondered if it would even work anymore. It was nice, a decent heater and it drove well, at least it did when she had bothered to drop him off at school as a kid. Despite her general lack of care for the wellbeing of others, Mrs. Tozier did not drink and drive. Meaning, she didn’t drive at all, as she was drunk off her ass most of the time.
Richie grabbed his books from the backseat and clambered out, fumbling to find his house key among the mess of weird keychains he bought while high.
He didn’t bother stating his presence, even as a pretense, giving up the habit long ago.
Maggie Tozier sat outside, her back facing the screen door in the kitchen. A cigarette rested from her fingertips, and Richie wasn’t sure if she was actually smoking it or just watching it burn. Of course, her other hand gripped a bottle of beer, and a wine cooler sat at her feet.
Richie scoffed and bounded up the stairs to his room, a ‘KEEP OUT’ sign and band posters adorning the door.
It was often said that one’s room reflected who they were as a person, and Richie was no exception. That is, to say, his room was an absolute fucking mess. His bed was never made, and clothes and knick knacks littered the floor (he had already tripped over some beat up sneakers as he walked in). Old mugs, comics, a lava lamp, lotion, and an ashtray Bev had made him in ceramics sat on his bedside table (read: an old wooden apple carton). The only thing that he kept clear was his record player and vinyls at the edge of the bed, which were meticulously organized.
He tossed his notebooks on his desk, alongside stolen pens, his laptop, and his bong. If his parents actually fucking talked to him he would bother to hide his shit, but it didn’t really matter.
Picking up his laptop and its charger, Richie was on his way out again. He could stay home to conduct his research, but he hated the stuffiness and how lifeless the house felt. It wasn’t really even a home, at least not his. Plus, coffee. It was a necessity, especially for the amount of bullshit he’d have to go through just for the tiny brat.
Richie drove to the Starbucks on Main and Belmont, strolling up to barista and ordering his usual: venti quadruple-shot, black. While he often gorged himself on sweets, his need for caffeine could only be sated by the purest form the coffeeshop could offer.
Per usual, the barista gave him a look, “You sure?”
“Listen, I’ve already made a shit ton of horrible decisions today. Trust me, this is not the worst of them,” Richie answered, sliding the cash across the counter
She raised her brows but said nothing else, handing him the change.
He set up shop at a table by the window in the back, away enough from the other patrons. Most of the time Richie threw caution to the wind, but he figured it would suspicious if someone saw him furiously stalking someone who looked like they hadn’t even graduated from middle school.
After retrieving his coffee, opening his MacBook, and plugging his headphones in, Richie scoured Instagram first. ‘Eddie.k’ didn’t post much, mostly some artsy photos, including ones of Bill and Stanley Uris (their other best friend). There were only one or two selfies, much to Richie’s disappointment. Eddie wasn’t actually too bad looking if you ignored his clothes, his hair, his… everything. Freckles dusted his face, concentrated around his little nose, a few on his lips. Cute lips. Cute cheeks. He had the urge to pinch them. But Jesus, that combover. What was he, a balding man in the 80’s?
Other than those pictures, Eddie hadn’t really posted to Instagram in months. He moved onto his tagged photos. They had some more substance, although Eddie had pretty much only been tagged in pictures by Bill and Stan. It wasn’t like Richie wasn’t in the same boat of having only a few close friends, but at least he hung out with other people.
For the most part, the pictures were pretty normal, the three of them hanging out. Richie couldn’t help but snort at a picture of the three, presumably after a sleepover. They looked exhausted, hair messy, and were brushing their teeth. Pretty mundane, but Eddie had pulled a ridiculous face in the mirror. It was silly, but Richie hadn’t even thought Eddie was capable of making jokes or doing weird shit. The fucker was always uptight, serious even when they had a substitute. Unsurprisingly, Eddie did not appreciate the post.
eddie.k: literally stan delete this!!!!!!
stantheman: @eddie.k, sorry sweatie (:
Richie grinned and continued to scroll, stopping at a picture of Eddie lying down on the grass, laughing. He wore a red tracksuit, the one students wore to P.E. when the bitter chill of autumn came to Derry. His hair must’ve been a little sweaty, because it was curling up into a messy halo around his grinning face. Richie wanted to know this Eddie, see him curl up laughing, but he knew that would never happen.
He perused their profiles for a while before growing bored, downing a third of his coffee before moving on. Except Eddie didn’t seem to have a Twitter, or a Snapchat. A quick google search of his name only came up with a few images and… a Facebook profile?
Richie prayed that it was an old one Eddie had never deleted, but after the page loaded he saw that the most recent status was made last night.
“Oh my fucking god,” he whispered to himself.
Eddie’s profile picture made him look particularly child-like, a weird picture of him pointing to the camera like he was cool, even though the same hand had a clunky old watch wrapped around it. His header picture displayed the quote ‘there is bravery in being soft’.
Richie snorted, “Yeah, a soft fucking dick!”
Another patron scoffed at his fowl mouth, and he shot her a smug grin.
Eddie only had 40 friends on the site, which consisted of Bill, Stan, some of the other nerds at Derry High, and his mother and her friends. It wasn’t like someone’s Facebook friends actually mattered, especially because only middle aged mothers who posted minion memes about their alcoholism used it anymore, but it was still kinda pitiful.
His posts were generally uninteresting, stuff like ‘super nervous for the math test’, or ‘soooooooooooo bored ://///’. Otherwise, he mostly just shared pictures of cute dogs and DIY videos.
It was hard to find any useful information on Eddie, since he obviously lied a lot. Not in the way of bragging, or saying that he did things he didn’t (like Richie did). But there were comments from Mrs. Kaspbrak’s friends calling him a lady killer, or a few posts calling Carly Rae Jepsen cute (please, Run Away With Me is the one of gayest songs of all time). Eddie was closeted, and Richie knew from experience that someone could never really be themselves around others if they weren’t out.
What his profile lacked in useable information, it more than made up with blackmail material.
Take, for instance, little Eddie in possibly the gayest fucking hat imaginable.
He screeched as he saw the picture of the eleven year old, a white fedora-bucket hat hybrid sitting atop his tiny head, before breaking out into a full on wheeze. Richie was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe, and then he thought about Eddie using his inhaler in that gay ass hat and laughed even harder.
The other customers began to stare, some concerned, and others pissed off at the disturbance.
Once he had collected himself somewhat, Richie sent a screenshot to the group chat.
the losers
bev: oh my fucking G O D
richie: I CANT FUCKIN BREATHE ELRNKKLNERG
richie: LIKE F U C K !!! KLJKLGRJKLLEJK
richie: LOOK AT HIS GAY HAT
richie: LIKE, IT’S GAYER THAN WEARING NOTHING BUT A PRIDE FLAG AND GLITTER
richie: HE LOOKS LIKE A TWINKY SKIPPER
richie: HOW IS THAT HAT MORE GAY THAN EVERY SINGLE ONE RYAN EVANS WORE IN THE ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL FRANCHISE COMBINED
bev: i’m muting you
mike: me too
mike: also that hat isn’t that bad
“‘Not that bad?!’” Richie squawked, not that he’d be able to hear him.
(Really, Richie had no authority on the subject. He still donned the occasional Hawaiian shirt over his tees).
He refreshed Eddie’s profile, seeing that he had made a new status.
Eddie Kaspbrak: big night friday, nervous but excited !!!!
Richie raised his brows in intrigue, seeing that Bill and a handful of other people liked the status. What was going on Friday?
He checked to see if Bill had posted anything, if Eddie was going somewhere, chances were Bill was too.
Bill Denbrough: almost the weekend, finally ready to let loose
Seriously, it would’ve been so much easier if Bill was the guy Richie had to woo. Kid was probably fucking nervous for a party, a place where you threw caution to the wind and had a good time. Still, he made a mental note about finding out what their Friday plans were.
Richie sighed, taking another swig of his coffee, “God, what a fucking loser.”
Suddenly, his headphones were being tugged out of his ear by an angry middle-aged woman with short-layered hair and eye bags.
“Hey, what the fuck?” Richie glared, snatching back his headphones.
The woman returned the look, putting her hands on her hips, “Don’t you have respect for the other customers?!”
“Sweetheart, I don’t have respect for myself, let alone some PTA moms-- like the post-divorce haircut by the way.”
Apparently, his finger guns did not soften the blow, because the lady started to scream at him.
And, apparently, this lady was also the manager, and was pushing him out the door.
So great, Eddie and his dumb gay hat got him banned from Starbucks.
Even though he was wounded from Eddie’s betrayal, (because Richie getting kicked out was definitely not his fault-- it was Eddie’s homosexual headwear. An anthropomorphic device of chaos, that Eddie owned, so, yeah, it was Kaspbrak’s fucking fault.) Richie still skipped smoking on Thursday to spend his lunch with the tiny fuck.
Obviously, they hadn’t made plans to do so, but Richie had, and he really couldn’t delay starting the bet. There was a lot on the line.
So, after getting out of econ (turning in an unstudied for but probably aced quiz), and throwing his shit in his locker, Richie detoured to the cafeteria.
The place was a fucking mess, and it reminded Richie just why he avoided the place. It was pure chaos, loud and overwhelming, a million things to get distracted by. Freshman with their stupid rolling backpacks kept whizzing by, making Richie trip or get his feet ran over. The tables were already filled, the honor roll kids, the partiers, Gretta and her gang. Fucking cliches.
He got in line, picking up a tray and proceeding to fiddle with the buttons at the cuff of his black and white flannel; trying to tune out the buzz of conversation. It was weird, at parties he thrived on the noise and disorder, but here all it was doing was fucking with his ADHD.
Richie drummed a beat onto his tray as the line moved forward and picked the most edible looking slop from the menu. The lunch lady glowered at him as he reached for his money only to realize he had put it in the other pocket, fumbling to put the bills and coins on the counter.
As she put the money in the register, Richie looked around the room, checking to see where Eddie was sitting. He was sat near one of the exits, carefully taking out his lunch and swinging his legs. And he was alone. Perfect.
“Kid, do you want a receipt or not?” the lunch lady snapped from across from him.
Richie blinked back into focus, “Uh, sure, sorry.”
She sighed and printed out the receipt, slamming it down on the tray, “Next!”
Grabbing his tray, Richie plucked up some plastic cutlery and made his way through the sea of students to Eddie Kaspbrak. He had to twist and lift his tray a bit, but eventually the crowds started to part a bit. A chorus of whispers started to erupt. Stupid small town.
“Is that Richie Tozier?”
“I think, but doesn’t he always get high with his stoner friends?”
“What is he doing here?”
“God, he’s so hot.”
Richie smirked, sending a wink at the girl’s praise before sitting across from Eddie. He watched for a moment as the boy continued to focus on on unpacking his utensils and napkins before clearing his throat.
Eddie’s eyes snapped up from his lunchbox, widening when he saw Richie.
“What the fuck?” It was meant to be a whisper to himself, but Eddie’s voice was louder than expected.
Richie grinned at the blushing boy, “Well, hello to you to Eds.”
“Don’t call me that,” Eddie snapped, returning to his food.
Richie waited for him to say something else, at least fucking look at him, but the little fuck kept his eyes glued to his grapes, nails aggressively ripping the fruit from their stems.
“Okay,” he started, taking a sip of his apple juice, “So, you may be wondering why I’m sitting with you—“
Eddie interrupted, annoyance apparent in every fiber of his being, “Is this gonna be quick or not?”
“I’m hoping it’s not quick, although given how hot I am it’s difficult for people to control themselves.”
A long, deep sigh came from Eddie’s (cute, soft) lips. Eddie grabbed at Richie’s hands, flipping them over so that the palms faced upwards.
“Wow, a bit forward, but I’m liking your style Kaspbrak,” Richie winked.
Eddie rolled his eyes and proceed to take out hand sanitizer from his fanny pack, squirting the floral scented product into Richie’s hands.
Honestly, what the fuck?
He must’ve sent the same message to Eddie with his face, because Eddie said, “You obviously aren’t gonna leave me the fuck alone, and if you’re gonna be in my space, you need to be clean.”
Richie raised a brow at this but rubbed the hand sanitizer into his hands anyways.
Jesus Christ, what a weird, defensive little bitch.
Eddie watched with focused eyes, and only spoke when Richie was finished.
“Continue.”
It took a moment for Richie to gain his bearings once more. This mission seemed dead on arrival, but he had to keep trying anyways.
“So, Eddie…” Richie trailed off, twirling the pasta on his plate before his eyes lit up, “Eddie Spaghetti, Eduardo, what’s up?”
Eddie scowled, “That’s not my fucking name!” he squeaked, “And ‘what’s up?’ I mean, we’ve barely even talked before. You think I’m just gonna put up with this because you’re Richie Tozier? I swear to god, if this is some fucking bullying thing...”
Around them, people began to stare and eavesdrop at the sound of Eddie yelling. Fucking perfect.
Richie blinked back at the boy across from him, now red in the face for a different reason, “Calm down, I’m just trying to get to know you.”
“Fat fucking chance.”
Okay, wow. Richie had more work cut out for him than expected. He thought of what to say next as he watched Eddie finish his grapes.
“This isn’t, like, a joke,” (it wasn’t real either), “I just wanna hang out.”
“Hang out?” Eddie’s chocolate brown eyes met Richie’s, his tone mocking.
Richie nodded, “Yeah, ya know, kick it with the homies. Make out a little if you’re down. Friend stuff.”
Eddie’s jaw clenched, “You’re unbelievable. Just fucking unbe— you know, how can you even say any of that shit? How can we be ‘homies’ if we’ve never ‘hung out’ before? And don’t want to-- I’m not-- you don’t know me!”
There was something underlying in Eddie’s voice as he snapped, wavering at the end. Richie, like most things in life, was completely and utterly fucking up.
“Well then, how about we fix that?” Richie leaned forward, “I was wondering if maybe you’d wanna—“
Abruptly, Eddie stood up, grabbing his food and walked off, making his way towards the cafeteria line where Bill and Stan were paying for their lunch.
Richie looked around at all the watching faces, some snickering and others as shocked as he was.
“...Embarrass me horribly in front of all these people.”
He took a deep breath, and shoved some spaghetti in his mouth, his frown growing larger at the disgusting taste. Richie was often considered a wild card, but this was when routine was a good thing. He should’ve just avoided this and sparked up with Bev and Mike.
Actually, he was going to do just that. There was still some left in lunch, and no reason for him to stay in the cafeteria if Eddie was giving him the cold shoulder. More like a giant fucking iceberg but still, pointless. Besides, he really needed to get high now. Eddie ruined his whole mood and pissed him the fuck off.
Richie got up and tossed out the inedible garbage before going to the usual spot, finger itching for a joint.
He used his foot to push open the door, which would’ve been cool, except with his clumsiness and horrible luck he tripped forward, narrowly avoiding falling down the steps and face planting by grabbing the railing.
As Richie caught his breath and stabilized himself, he could hear his friends laughing.
“Back so soon?” Bev smirked knowingly, taking a drag.
Richie huffed, “Ha ha. Let’s yuck it up for my misfortune,” he grabbed her joint and took a long hit, “This fucking kid, Bev. I don’t think I can do this!”
“As in, you’re morally incapable of leading him on?” Mike asked hopefully.
“Please, let’s be realistic here Mikey. No, that kid is like, the fuckin devil incarnate. Shithead is fucking crazy!” Richie paced, smoking from the joint.
Bev laughed, “What makes you say that?”
“Why don’t ya ask the whole fucking school?” Richie snapped, though the anger wasn’t directed at her, “They were watching it all go down. If that wheezy asshole ruins my reputation—“
“What reputation?” Mike interjected.
Richie rolled his eyes and flipped him off.
Another voice spoke up, “I dunno, Richie’s pretty well known. I like him well enough.”
Richie whirled around, just noticing a new face among the usual group, Ben Hanscom.
The eternal new kid, since no one ever moved to ass backwards Derry, was not someone he’d expect to be behind the art building. Maybe reciting poetry or some shit, but not blazing. Ben was sweet and genuine, albeit a little shy. He was no longer the chubby kid he once was, more stocky and muscular now. They weren’t too close, as the tawny haired boy spent more time with Mike and Bev, and if not them, the other dorks (like Eddie and his friends). But either way, dude was pretty chill. Richie just didn’t really want him there mid-meltdown.
“Haystack?! You smoke?!” he whistled, “Ho-ly shit, who woulda thought!”
Ben shook his head, “Uh, no I don’t. Mike and I just had to study for history next block.”
His deep brown eyes flitted to Beverly, who had now stolen back her joint and was playing with the key that hung from her neck. Yeah, studying was the only reason. Not Ben’s excruciatingly obvious crush on the red head.
“We would’ve just gone to the library, but Bev and I made a bet about if you’d be successful or not today,” Mike said.
Richie gasped, “Betting on my failure? Fuck you guys, Benny Boy is my new best friend.”
“I didn’t sign up for that.”
“Hey, I bet on you succeeding,” Mike put his hands up in surrender, “She’s the one who thought you’d screw it up.”
“And I was right. Pay up,” Bev smiled, holding out her palm.
Mike dropped a candy bar in it with a deep sigh. She tore open the wrapping, taking a savage bite of the chocolatey sweet.
“I think you have a gambling problem,” Mike quipped.
Bev shrugged, “Not a problem if I keep winning.”
She grinned, her teeth covered in chocolate and spit. Gross. Ben still looked enraptured. Double gross.
“Anyways, can we focus on the important bet, and the fact that this fuck is impossible! Seriously, Bev, babygirl, pick anyone else!” Richie whined, plopping his bony ass on the cement.
“First off, don’t call me ‘babygirl’,” she flicked the ash off the end of the joint at him, “Second, the deal was anyone. You either woo him or you don’t.”
Richie opened his mouth to complain again but Ben beat him to it.
“I’m sorry, but what are we talking about?”
The other three looked at each other in panic. Ben was friends with Eddie, there was no way he could find out what was going on. The whole thing would be ruined before it started.
“Nothin!” Richie squeaked, “Just uh… bet that I couldn’t ace a group project. I usually just bullshit a lot of that stuff and leave it up to the others if I can. Partner’s just a little… high strung.”
Bev groaned and Mike sighed. A horrible fucking lie. Richie was already trying to formulate a better one in his head.
Ben smiled, “That’s nice, a wholesome, supportive bet. But you really should just communicate with your partner. They might be nervous because of your history is all.”
Richie let out a sound of relief before realizing Ben’s advice could actually be helpful.
“Sure, but I already tried to talk to him and it didn’t go well,” he explained.
Bev and Mike raised their brows, catching on.
“Well, how did you talk to him?” Ben asked, “Was it an ambush or a friendly conversation?
Bev snorted, “Ambush, knowing Richie. He doesn’t do friendly conversations.”
“Maybe with you, because you’re on my ass all the time,” Richie shot back, “But uh, she’s right. Shouldn’t matter though, everyone knows that’s how Tough Guy Tozier does his business.”
Mike groaned, “Please don’t call yourself that ever again.”
“You’re just coming on too strong. You have to consider what he likes, what he wants. A good partnership comes with compromise and communication,” Ben nodded sagely.
Richie ruffled his hair, putting on his trusty British voice, “Thank you Advisor Hanscom. Your wisdom is greatly appreciated.”
Ben smiled awkwardly, his eyes going to Bev once again, “Course.”
He took the joint from Bev, inhaling the musty smoke and blowing it out his nostrils, the burning sensation familiar and welcome.
“And maybe, you should talk to him sober next time,” Mike suggested.
Richie laughed, “Don’t be ridiculous.”
By the time the final bell rang, he was still feeling defeated and unsure of his next move. Sure, he’d have to dial back his trashmouth charm, try to seem actually invested in Eddie but… that wasn’t going to happen if the brat never talked to him again. Richie had to find a way to break the tension between them, start fresh.
He sulked to his locker, pulling out his shit from the looming mess. Loose binder paper and pencils fell onto the ground, and Richie just wanted to bang his head against the wall of metal. Also, go home and smoke while playing video games but, mostly, hit his head repeatedly. Maybe he’d lose enough brain cells to forget the entire day.
After a few moments of excessive cursing, Richie grabbed what he needed and got everything that fell back into the locker. He noticed a new post it on the door just before he closed it.
Don’t give up :) <3 - mike
Richie smiled, and slammed the locker shut with a resounding clang. With a little stretch and a fix of his glasses, he strolled through the halls, making his way to the parking lot to wait for Mike.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Bill and Stan loitering around the halls as well, engaged in (an undoubtedly boring) conversation.
He remembered Bill and Eddie’s facebook status’ about exciting plans for tomorrow night and decided he should investigate.
“Billiam! Staniel!” Richie called as he approached them, “What’s up?”
The two stopped talking and looked up, Bill smiling while Stan rolled his eyes.
“H-hey, Richie,” Bill waved. Richie noted that his stutter had gotten a lot better just over the past year. The two of them had shared a few classes when they were juniors and were pretty friendly with one another. At least compared to his relationship with Eddie and Stan, who also seemed to hate him for no reason.
Speaking of, the prim and proper boy was glaring at him, “Didn’t get enough of being a nuisance at lunch?”
Richie raised a brow, “Whatever do you mean?”
Stan scoffed, and opened his mouth to respond, but Bill put a hand on his shoulder, “N-nothing. Stan’s just… on edge. What’s up w-with you?”
“Not much, just trying to figure out what my plans are for tomorrow,” Richie shrugged, “Got any suggestions?”
“The only thing on your mind is where to party? Not surprised,” Stan quipped.
Richie shoved his hands in his pockets, biting his tongue. Snapping at Eddie was what caused his whole operation to go south, and he couldn’t mess up this second chance.
Bill ignored the tension between them, “Well, usually w-we don’t do t-t-too m-much, but it’s s-senior year. Probably going to Peter Gordon's party.”
“That kid’s an ass.”
“Coming from you, that’s rich,” Stan commented, his arms crossed.
His grinned, “Well, yeah, I am Rich.”
Stan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah, he is, but he’s also s-super wealthy,” Bill avoided another ‘rich’ pun, “Meaning he’ll h-h-ave q-q-quality shit.”
Richie beamed, “Ah, I get it. You’re Robin Hood-ing that fuck. I like your style Billy Boy.”
He clapped Bill on the shoulder, and the other boy blushed slightly, “W-well, it wasn’t j-just my idea. Eddie and Stan helped.”
“Eddie? He’s coming with you guys?”
Bill shook his head, “N-no. He was supposed to, b-b-but that art thing came up so he h-had to cancel.”
“Art thing?” Richie asked, suddenly intrigued. This was the information he wanted.
“Yeah,” Bill nodded, “It’s this show that happens every month. At Jester Theatre. He always goes.”
Stan not so subtly elbowed Bill in the ribs, hissing at him to shut up.
“W-what?!”
“Yeah, what’s got your steamed panties in a twist Uris?” Richie smirked.
Stan sent him a scowl, “You know very well Tozier. Eddie told us all about what you did at lunch. Back the fuck off.”
“S-stan, I don’t think he meant--”
“No, Bill, he did,” Stan interrupted, “I don’t know what your game is, but if you hurt him…”
Richie put his hands up in surrender, “Hey, I’m not going to hurt him. He seems pretty strong anyways. I mean no harm.”
Stan didn’t look convinced at all. Fair enough.
The air between the two was tense, but Bill broke it by clearing his throat, “So, uh, will w-we see you at the p-p-party?”
Richie shook his head ‘no’, “Probably not. I have some more sophisticated plans lined up.”
a/n: hope you liked it! next chapter is p much all richie and eddie so get excited. if you enjoyed i would love hearing your feedback
oh and this is eddie’s gay hat if you were curious
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(I'm not even sure if this is the place to ask, sorry if this is a weird question haha) I'm a fanfiction writer and now that angus has been confirmed jewish I don't want to ignore that part of him in my future works. But I know literally nothing about what it means to be jewish. As a jewish fanfiction writer yourself, do you have any advice about how I could respectfully write a jewish angus?
no its a great question!!!! dont worry about asking - if anything, im super glad you’re looking to create good representation!! (and humbled that you’re here asking me? fuck)
tl;dr: being respectful really just means putting thought into your character, and treating judaism like you would any other facet of someone’s personality. most of the time, it won’t be that prominent! but if you don’t think about it, you’re going to end up writing it badly.
under the readmore, however: how to approach thinking about judaism and working it into a character.
ok first of all, if you’re not jewish and know nothing about judaism, there’s a couple of things you should get.
first: ethnicity is key.i’ll leave you to do the googling on the terms - the key to all good representation is research - but if youre european/american, you most likely adhere to a denomination (which, for the numerical majority of jews, is either orthodox, conservative, or reform), if you’re from the middle east/north africa/actual real africa/far east, or live in israel now, you’re likely not to.
second: surprisingly, politics dont matter. tradition, however, does.you can be liberal and orthodox and conservative and reform, even though orthodox judaism is the more traditional/patriarchal in nature of the two denominations. but you’ve probably heard of if not seen fiddler on the roof - its incredibly hard to stray against what you’ve been raised when youre jewish, mostly because most of your jewish identity comes from your parents and your history! a lot of people do, especially on the political front. but even if people differ from their parents politically, they might not do so jewishly.
third: jews are a nation as well as a religion.jewish culture exists (though it’s different for people of different ethnicities), a jewish language exists, a jewish history exists (even though schools suck at teaching all of it), and jewish national sovereignty also exists and is important - hence, israel. at the same time, a jewish biblical canon exists, and jewish books of law exist, and those two have to coexist together. for some jews, both are equally important. some prioritize one over the other, and do so in different ways.
last: stereotypes are…. actually kind of important.jews love to argue. true. jewish overbearing moms exist. also true. jews control all the money in the world? actually, we joke about that a lot, but sadly that isn’t true. however, for a nation with only ~15 million people, you’ll find us in a lot of high places; we’ll attribute that mostly to our brains, though.when you’re writing stereotypes, think about them. every jewish person thinks about them differently and treats them differently. people who grew up in more of a jewish bubble tend to be more comfortable with them than those who arent.whatever you do, though, dont avoid them like the plague. a lot of them are true, and cute, and a lot of them are something id love to see in fic! as an example, take a line from one of my wips: “So, deep down, Davenport knew it wasn’t a coincidence that when he collected the seven, they all turned out to be Jewish. It’s the Jew-dar, Merle jokes sometimes, or the “you were looking for smart people, what’d you expect?” that Taako said once, but their captain’s more serious than that. He thinks it’s destiny.”
there’s two different stereotypes in there: jews are smart, and the jew-dar, which is more a pun off of the gay-dar than anything. and yet, they’re used light-heartedly, for a laugh that doesn’t poke fun! kind of in the same way angus was confirmed to be jewish.
ok, now that that’s done with, a disclaimer that i implied heavily in the last bit but is very worthy to say outright:
every jew is different!
when you’re writing a jewish character, this is the most important thing to keep in mind. a person can’t be just jewish, they’re jewish and [insert race/ethnicity] and [insert gender] and [insert age] and [insert socio-economic status] and [insert sexuality] and i can just go on and on and on, because even the men in black hats in nyc’s diamond district have a story and other facets of their personality.
so the key to write a jewish character is not to throw everything else in the garbage - in fact do exactly the opposite. decide everything else first, and then use that to reverse-engineer their judaism.now, this is true even for people who see judaism as their salient identity, like me! even if judaism is the most important thing in their lives, it’s that along with everything else that builds character.
let’s try it with angus, shall we?
okay, so who is angus?
-he’s a boy-he’s 11-he is, for whatever reason, mostly disconnected from his birth family-he loves to learn - an academic at heart-he’s fancy - his birth family was probably rich, or at least he knows his manners.
and if you wanna do some world-building you can - how do jews in faerun deal with magic/other gods/the astral plane/etc? thats a whole other post, but it’s interesting to think about in regards to angus’s psyche.
okay, let’s do this:
we don’t know angus’s race. if he’s white, what denomination does he slide into, if any? if he’s black, he’s either ethiopian or his family converted at some point in his history or he’s an extremely rare character. either way, his generation is probably like. one of the first to integrate into modern judaism. what’s that like?
he’s a kid. his judaism is going to change over time! how serious is he about it now? is it a source of fun for him, a source of serious learning, or a mix of both? does he make sure to follow the laws, clearing his dorm of bread on passover or fasting on yom kippur or keeping shabbat/kosher, or does he just light candles for hanukkah and eat dairy on midsummer?
where is his family, and why would they have left him? the days of ditching your kid in fear of him growing up bad have been behind us for millennia. if his family is shitty or dead, where’s the extensive community that usually backs up kids of his character? does he still have a network? does he go back and visit?
he found a new family in the bureau and the ipre - are they jewish? do they support him or just leave him be?
he is a boy genius, in most understandings of the term. does he speak hebrew? know torah trope or prayer or jewish law? or is he more of a jewish history buff? or does he like secular subjects better, struggling over yet appreciating the old text yet turning his attention to something else? judaism seriously endorses academia - is that where he got his love for it from?
if he’s fancy, is he traditional? does he wear tzizit under his clothes or was his family not that jewish when they got rich?
the answers to all of these questions are going to create the kind of jew you want angus to be!
and yet -
you can incorporate all of this character-building into angus and end up writing him the same way as you have this whole time - it all depends on the scene you’re writing him in.
your angus could be the same except he interrupts to ask a question about a religion/custom that’s different than his own. he could be the same except fixing the tzizit under his clothes is a fidget of his. you know what? his judaism is probably only going to come up in little snippets anyway - he could be asking taako which ones are the meat forks and which are the dairy ones, or magnus could play keep-away with his kippah, or lucretia could find him in his room studying torah. or maybe it comes up in conversation? maybe someone calls him a genius and he blushes and says he kinda struggles with his hebrew homework sometimes, and then the conversation moves on as if he hadn’t mentioned judaism at all.
so what do these questions answer, exactly? whether those snippets, those pieces of judaism that work his way into his daily life, are even there to begin with.
does it come up in conversation? does he spend his free time studying torah? does he wear a kippah or tzizit? does he care about meat and dairy forks? does he end up going on an extreme teen adventure and ask a bunch of questions or is he worried about merle preaching?
those are up to you, and those decisions are what im working to educate on in this post.
anyways, that’s about all i got! if you wanna find out more about judaism, feel free to ask - i was trying to avoid giving you a crash course on my religion and more focusing on how to incorporate it into a character, but if the former was what you were looking for, hit me up and ill write another 1500 words for you!
hope i could help, and happy writing!
#eden talks#Anonymous#the adventure zone#taz#angus mcdonald#judaism#this is important guys#fuck thanks so much for the question anon!#im honored you thought me important enough to answer#and tried my best
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allow me to discourse for a moment: The addition of Chevalier D'eon is actually fairly disrespectful in of itself because her whole servant-power gimmick is "She is a man dressed as a woman who passes as a woman dressed as a man, etc. etc. Gender, which is it, ooooooh!!". which, that's sums up the circumstances of her life, but ignores a really massive part of it, which is the fact that she openly embraced her gender identity as a woman for the rest of her life. And mostly the fact that her political power game was fucking INTENSE at the time since she fought during the Seven Years War. She was a spy for the French Court and went from Russia (as a woman) to France to England (sometimes as a woman?) and stayed in England a long time and was absolutely not doing her job as a spy in England (she was using military money to buy expensive wine. im ... same?). So King Louis XV at the time said "k, d'eon, you don't need to be in England anymore, you weren't really spying either...? get back here you're fired" and she said "No I like being a woman in England. Everyone treats me nice. Britain says I can be a private citizen. And also you fired me? Fuck you, test me and I'll expose your political secrets." And Louis XV was like "don't do it" and She Did It. And everyone was like "FUCK FUCK FUCK D'EON REALLY DID THAT." So then she became an INTERNATIONAL POLITICAL FIGURE and of course, people mocked her, and her gender became an international question & subject of ridicule for years. Her petition was granted, but she still had quite a few disgusting political cartoons drawn about her that you can still find today. Eventually Louis XV died and his son XVI was like "Uh, we don't need this shit going around a-about French secrets or whatever, you can come back" and she said "I want legal status as a woman. I am a woman. I want to fight as a woman and live as a woman". And eventually, that was granted, except every SINGLE time something was happening and the newly christened Lia Beaumont wanted to fight in a war or be political, everyone was like "Shut up Lia" and at one point they even locked her in a tower for 19 days on the condition that she stop asking to be a soldier and she'd be let out. Then she spent the rest of her life as a woman, insisting she was a woman, was born AFAB, and also going bankrupt because her pension ran out on account of all these damn French wars. Basically, she's one of the first trans women to have been given legal status as a woman in her country. And she had written her own philosophical writings about how gender is fluid etc. and that's huge! But! Given how we approach gender now, it's exceedingly clear that she was a transgender woman who wanted to be referred to as such and had her name changed to Lia Beaumont. She had her gender questioned for her for decades even until after she died. As a matter of fact, the autopsy genitalia drawing is literally accesible via the British Museum's online collection. I don't recommend going and looking up pictures of her junk because it's disrespectful. But is this respectful to her wishes? As a human being who actually lived through all this and was posthumously exposed? She did not spend an insignificant amount of time addressing herself, living as, and demanding respect as a woman. We already know that Nasu likes to screw around with gender in depictions of mythological characters (otherwise he wouldn't be famous) but he never specifically will state if anyone is any gender. The most we have in definitive terms is Astolfo, Enkidu, Da Vinci (which is ANOTHER can of discourse), and his interpretation of Chevaliere Lia Beaumont. To trans women today it's important to find representation when it's there. I find the treatment of Chevaliere Lia to be disrespectful to her wishes as a human being and especially posthumously. The jokes written about her gender in-game are reminders of both past and present doubts people have about transgender women and I get dysphoric-sick when I read about them. I'm nonbinary and a gender-mess but I would prefer people to respect D'eon as a trans woman specifically rather than as nonbinary because the circumstances of her life are too close to the struggles that modern trans women face in their lives than that of what I feel a lot of nonbinary experience can sum up to (a lot of it, I might add, has to do with the binary being a factor to begin with - Lia believed gender was fluid but also identified herself as a woman consistently rather than "both" or "neither"). Basically, if you wouldn't treat a trans woman in the news this way now-- why would you do it to one from the 19th century? ...aaaand that's why I only call her Chevaliére Lia/D'eon with that fun 'e' at the end to indicate her chosen gender. Main Sources: •https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-incredible-chevalier-deon-who-left-france-as-a-male-spy-and-returned-as-a-christian-woman.amp •Wikipedia, of course, unfortunately, •The British Museum's Online Gallery
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