#after cameron awkward-rich

[asoftepiloguemylove]

Could I please request a webweave about complex feelings on being an only child?

unfortunately i couldn't find anything specifically related to being an only child but i am also an only child and i interpreted this as being really lonely so a lot of these are related to that. i hope this is what you were looking for <33

Amy Dunne / CJ Hauser The Crane Wife / Dante Émile After Cameron Awkward-Rich / Richard Siken Litany in Which Certain Things Are Crossed Out / pinterest / Sally Rooney Conversations With Friends

[alanisinstone]

okay bluecollar!rafe but yall. can we make it MARINE!RAFE?? or more specifically MARSOC!rafe* who works for ward at cameron construction co. on leave?? like hello i need him bad guys.

cw: MDNI smut, cursing, stuff in public, food play, cum eating, military stuff, ass play, manhandling, 1 mention of fighting, recording

*marsoc: Marine Forces Special Operations Command - basically what COD men do

like he starts off as a standard private officer after enlisting when you guys graduate high school. he works his way up from private to corporal to sergeant major, and then eventually to captain, colonel, then general. i mean hes fucking unstoppable, hes blowing thru these ranks like nobodys fuckin business, and he not stopping anytime soon baby he in his primeeee.

he moves on to MARSOC and leads a small team on SPEC-OP missions in like borneo. hes literally the best of the best. his full file is like 4 pounds, full of successful recon missions, confirmed kills, successful captures of enemy targets, accurate tracking efforts, successful counterterrorism efforts, successful hostage rescue and successful direct action raids. when theres a REAL threat? they call LT Cameron. callsign? RAIDER

NOW. when baby comes home on leave he works at the family construction company ward owns, building giant beach houses for rich kooks. he eventually inherits cameron construction when ward gets too old to work and he helps ward retire bcs of the cash from being the most elite soldier in the US military. bae is tannnn bcs of construction work ofc, but also since being in the military he likes to go on runs and be in nature to clear his head. and yall alr know hes yatteddddd, both sleeves done by his boy at home on the cut, who happens to be a very talented tattoo artist (barry...)

strictly keeps a buzz for deployment but will grow out a mullet when hes home. signature gold chain is always on, and has a tat on his ring finger for you and maybe one on his forearm. does he have both ears pierced with fake diamond studs in? yes.

is currently in the blueprint stage for a beach house he wants to build you on figure 8 (and one in florida... and will probably start planning another one if he ends up having a long ship-out next deployment) even tho he despises rich fucks and is suchhhh a country boy. i mean hes like pogue!rafe but hes more of a mudding, dirt biking, bonfire, shotgunning beer, lifted truck, bar hop, football game kind of guy. and the most elite soldier in the US military ofc.

takes you on stargazing dates and fucks you in the truck bed, a big beach towel set down and his head in your neck while he ruts into you short and fast. occasionally gets into bar fights when some dick is tryna say sum to u. is such an ass man and will smack and grope that shit wheneverrrr whereverrrr - has zoned out of convos with people while feelin HIS booty up + loves to grip your pussy with his big ass paw when no one is looking.

has a super firm grip due to years of being a marine and WILL manhandle ur ass around - into various positions, onto the bed or couch or counter or etc., up over his shoulder when you gettin on his nerves. gets actually animalistic when yall fuckin, and yk that boy a munch. growls and grunts sooo loud the whole time.

will take you to the dock and fuck you on the family fishing boat. will christen any new bar yall go to by fucking you in the gross bathroom and carving both your initials in the wall with his pocket knife that ward gave him when he was 15. is kinky af but lets u bring it up bcs he feels awkward talking about it. is sooooo nasty - will eat his cum out of you with his whole mouth, eyes locked on yours, sucking your lips into his mouth. then, when it’s not enough, he drags you up to sit on his face and rubs your clit, watching you clench and letting his cum drip from you right onto his tongue.

will stick a thumb in your ass during doggy, while reaching for his phone bcs the way u throwin that ass back on him? yall bout to make another movie. loves watching you clean him up after round 5, when his dick is covered in his and your cum - will not let you miss a spot, even where it dripped down over his hefty balls to his ass. and he rarely shaves - uncut.

if it’s a hot day, he’ll turn the ac off and find you so he can lick the sweat off every crevice of your beautiful body while he’s fucking you over the counter. both of you completely butt naked bcs it’s hot. has a sweet tooth - will interrupt you while you’re baking and strip you, laying you on the counter like the dessert you are and eating the frosting off his favorite parts. get especially excited when it comes to sweets on your nipples.

honestly if that aint a FEASTTTT i dont know what issss

[scuderiaspringsteen]

monza is for dreamers

meditations in an emergency by cameron awkward-rich // charles leclerc after winning the italian grand prix, monza 2019 // bryan bozzi to charles leclerc, monza 2024

[inkskinned]

i know some of the poets outside of their books, like cameron awkward-rich; who was my seminar teacher for a semester in grad school. you know him, he wrote about keeping his hand on the walls of his stupid heart. he gave us a journal without lines in it, so the pages were all blank and naked. we had to write down 3 words every day, ruminations on our own lives.

in pink glitter pen, i watched my handwriting cramp and spill from pristine and well-meaning to the slant of someone deeply suffering. the words stopped being lyrical over the course of february. bad, it said. bad and bad and bad. each day carving out a little bit of marrow, the sparrow of my heart acting as roadkill. that winter i was only allowed to eat apples, like a horse. my ocd had decided i could only touch food if it was red. i was sleeping on the floor and a spider bit me.

i wanted him to be my thesis advisor, but it was covid the next year, and we never spoke again, and i'm worried that i embarrassed myself by asking him repeatedly. for my final project in his class, i wrote about my disability. i called myself a rat, fondly.

his most famous poem is titled Meditations in an Emergency. i didn't know it until three weeks after i had graduated from that university.

at one point, he sat me down after class just to discuss some of my work. it was a night class, and we were all a little drowsy. he blinked up at me. i think sometimes the way you see the world is a little bit alarming. i wonder about that, in hindsight. i wonder if all of us who are walking on thumbtacks always recognize when someone else's spine is the undulating form of a siren. i could see it in him and you can see it in me, if you're looking.

yesterday nat said some of this is worrying.

i told cameron i was fine and i told nat i was fine, but i think maybe all of us had learned a long time ago how to be fine the way a poem is fine - because it happens outside of you. it can be honest, the confession, but it cannot be spelled out across your ribs. we make our art so that the sorrow can hang, limbless, trembling on the fetid walls beside us.

you learn to turn the ugliness into some kind of work, because you must smash the entire human experience of your stupid bones and teeth and tongue into something, so that you have anything to show for it. otherwise, what is the fucking point. why were you suffering, if not to polish the runoff and say - the melancholy is the signature of my art. i took the splinters out of my gums and filed them down into a thesis. the thesis has been turned into a book which is getting published.

cameron, to my knowledge, still has not read it.

i hope he has found his way out of the maze. i hope you and i one day write our own lanterns. i hope we are able to find some kind of peace without viscera. without having to fight for it. i hope we are able to stumble without falling. i hope one day the sky is empty of vultures and we can cross the desert of our memories without starving.

in the meantime we get up and leave the circled shadow in the writing.

[lessthanpog]

lucille clifton, climbing / richard siken, birds hover the trampled field / emily palermo, what i could never confess without some bravado / cj hauser, the crane wife / halsey, forever ... (is a long time) / @love-letters-i-never-sent / halsey, I HATE EVERYBODY / @tullipsink / dante émile, after cameron awkward-rich / chen chen, when i grow up i want to be a list of further possibilities

[poetrysmackdown]

welcome to the 2023 tumblr poetry smackdown

tumblr has developed something of a canon of poetry over the past couple years, and i figured others might enjoy getting a chance to voice their opinions on a few of those poems! poems i chose for the poetry smackdown had to be more or less widely read on tumblr (generally 10k+ notes, most with more or spread across compilations), and relatively short so as to make voting easier. they also had to be complete—there are a lot of popular lines floating around on tumblr that are excerpted from very long poems and/or poems that are inaccessible via internet, and those aren't included here. a handful of poets are represented here twice reflecting my sense of their popularity, but i arranged the bracket in such a way that it won't be able to stay that way past round 2 at the latest. if i missed a poem that is super popular i'm sorry, that said the bracket is staying as is because this was a shit ton of work to put together and i don't want to. ty.

you can get to the polls by following the links below or going to the #round1 tag on my blog. you can also send me propaganda if you want via ask and i'll post it/add it to the next round's post if the poem wins.

happy voting!

sincerely amelia @poetriarchy :)

ROUND 1: ENDS JULY 17 at 6pm EDT

"The Two-Headed Calf" by Laura Gilpin vs. "Butter Dish" by Leonard Cohen (cow poems)

"Poem" by Langston Hughes vs. "A Meeting" by Wendell Berry

"Miss you. Would like to grab that chilled tofu we love." by Gabrielle Calvocoressi vs. "My Sister, Who Died Young, Takes Up The Task" by Jon Pineda

"Hammond B3 Organ Cistern" by Gabrielle Calvocoressi vs. "Hong Kong" by Sue Zhao

"someone will remember us" (fragment by Sappho trans. Anne Carson) vs. "Wait" by Faraj Bou al-Isha trans. Khaled Mattawa

"The Quiet World" by Jeffrey McDaniel vs "Invisible Fish" by Joy Harjo

"Want" by Joan Larkin vs. "Come, and Be My Baby" by Maya Angelou

"Swan" by Mary Oliver vs. "How I Go to the Woods" by Mary Oliver

"The Orange" by Wendy Cope vs. "The Tenor of Your Yes" by Mary Ruefle

"Here There Are Blueberries" by Mary Syzbist vs. "Instructions on Not Giving Up" by Ada Limón

"To The Young Who Want to Die" by Gwendolyn Brooks vs. "A Litany for Survival" by Audre Lorde

"Night Walk" by Franz Wright vs. "Meditations in an Emergency" by Cameron Awkward-Rich

"Summer Was Forever" by Chen Chen vs. "I'm not a religious person but" by Chen Chen

"How to Be a Dog" by Andrew Kane vs. "Scheherazade" by Richard Siken

"I'm going to Minnesota where sadness makes sense" by Danez Smith vs. "Dream Song 29" by John Berryman

"Having a Coke with You" by Frank O'Hara vs. "Having 'Having a Coke with You' with You" by Mark Leidner

ADDENDUM: at 6pm on July 17th (or possibly a day earlier if there's already a clear sweep), I will be releasing a one-day poll that will give voters the option to sub in "Wild Geese" by Mary Oliver for the winner of matchup #8: "Swan" vs. "How I Go to the Woods". this is to help correct my significant oversight when I was remembering which two Oliver poems I've seen most on tumblr, and it's the only time I'm doing this kind of thing, so don't suggest it for any other poems after this please. that said, a sincere ty to @darkcomedies for first bringing its absence to my attention! and keep an eye out for this extra poll which i am calling ROUND 1.5: A HAIL MARY (OLIVER)

[dreamgirljune]

beautiful beautiful by judas h. (after cameron awkward-rich's meditations in an emergency) image ID in alt

[crushing-on-nico-di-angelo]

"i long and seek after"

heather havrilesky // robert desnos // anne carson // benjamin alire saenz // trista mateer // dorianne laux // @ojibwa // cameron awkward-rich // n.m. sanchez // @tullipsink // eduardo c. corral // sappho (tr. anne carson)

[cameronspecial]

Before The Last Petal Falls (Part 3)

Pairing: Rafe Cameron x Reader

Warnings: Drinking and use of drugs.

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 2.5K

Summary: Moving on is hard but it helps to have the input of the people you love and a new prospect on the horizon.

Masterlist

Y/N would never pass up on an opportunity to babysit her two favourite cousins, so when Aunt Millie asked her to watch them, she was quick to say yes. She decided to take them to the one place that England could never really beat—the beach. Y/N is relaxing on her beach chair, while Bella and Franklin are building a sandcastle. The beach isn’t too busy with only a few parents taking the day off of work to take their young children out. She takes out her book to read while they aren’t in the water and she makes sure to check on them every few pages. Her escape into a fictional world is interrupted by the yells of the children. “Rafe!” They run over to the tall figure and jump to give him a hug. Even with their break up, Rafe didn’t stop being in her cousins' lives. How could he when he meant so much to them? “Can we please bury you in the sand?” Bella begs with puppy dog eyes. Frankie is already tugging Rafe towards their sand toys. Rafe wants to say no when he spots who is babysitting them, but the children aren’t really giving him a choice.

They mindlessly place him beside Y/N without another thought and get to work on the hole. It makes her heart flutter when Rafe tries to help them out with it to avoid having to be near Y/N alone, but he keeps getting shooed away. “You’re just going to ignore me,” she whispers to him, putting her book back in her bag. He looks at her with an annoyed look, “What do you want me to say? We stopped talking to each other a long time ago.” 

“I know. You could’ve just told them no, so we didn’t have to do this awkward thing.”

“Well, you didn’t need to start talking to me. We could’ve just sat in silence or you could’ve just kept reading. Plus, when has anyone ever been able to say no to them? They could ask you to murder someone and you’d help them.”

“We don’t have to be strangers anymore.” 

“That’s rich coming from the person who avoided the whole country for years just because it’s where I was.”

“Yeah. Well, it’s not like you made any effort to contact me.”

“Don’t try to bla-“

“Rafe, get in the hole, please,” Franklin orders. Rafe turns away from her and does as the boy instructs. She pretends not to watch as Rafe happily plays with her cousins. Even after their little argument, he wouldn’t dare to take it out on them. He brings some more sand onto his legs, “How about we make me into a mermaid? I think I’d make a beautiful mermaid.” Bella beams at that idea, pilling more sand onto him to make him a coconut bra while Franklin goes to make the tail. “That’s the best idea ever! You’ll be the prettiest mermaid ever!” Bella screams. 

Y/N gives Rafe a warm smile, discretely she believes, turning back to the book she is reading. Little does she know that he caught her looking and he can’t explain the little flip his heart does when he does. For a brief second, he let himself believe that this is what the future could hold for them. They could have beach days in the summer where Y/N reads while Rafe plays with their children. For that brief second, everything felt right for him. He quickly brings himself back down to reality and he remembers he is engaged to Blythe. His smile falls for a split second, but he puts it back on and goes back to playing with the kids. 

——

Lacey and Y/N sip some wine while they paint their nails. “So… you’ve been on the same island as Rafe for two weeks. How are we feeling?” Lacey checks in, not pausing to look up from her nails. Y/N pauses her movement for a second, “Honestly, I don’t know. One minute I’m adamant that I did the right thing with the break up and the next minute I’m literally crying on the floor.” 

“It makes sense. Y/N/N, he was a big part of your life and you just left him behind without giving yourself actual time to grieve your relationship. You kept forcing yourself to move on which made it so you didn’t get to process your emotions properly, so now your body is trying to catch up with feeling like you are moved on and actually moving on. It’s like cognitive dissonance. You believe you moved on but the action of your crying says otherwise.”

“Okay, Miss. Psychologist. I get what you are saying. Maybe, seeing him will actually help me move on. Who knows, maybe, I’ll even find someone to spend my life with.” 

“It would be good for you to go out with someone else. Not because you need a man in your life, but because it might help you move on. You’ll realize all of Rafe’s faults by being put in front of someone who could be a little more perfect.” 

“Yeah, yeah. How come we always talk about my relationships? What about you? The last time you dated anyone was Jordan in your first year of culinary school.” 

Now, it is Lacey’s turn to pause what she is doing and look up at Y/N. “I just don’t think a relationship is what I want for my life right now. Or ever. Sure, I’ve been on dates and had sex and that’s fun. But when I think about having to stay with someone for more than one night. I feel all cooped up. Right now, I’m fine with it just being me, you and our businesses.” Y/N nods at her friend’s statement and goes to hold her hand, “I know society makes it seem like you have to have a steady relationship to be happy in life, but don’t listen to it. I personally think you’d be an awesome wine aunt to my kids.” “Yes, I’d be such a cool wine aunt. I’m gonna spoil your children rotten,” Lacey exclaims with a laugh. Both girls giggle at the statement and continue to do their nails. 

——

It’s rare to find Y/N Y/L/N at the island club. She isn’t a fan of golf, she has her own pool and she much prefers eating at The Wreck. However, for some reason, the universe told her that she needed to be there. She sits at the poolside, listening to music and people-watching. She is deep in her own thoughts when a feminine voice pulls her out of it. “Y/N! It’s so good to see you. We didn’t get a chance to say goodbye at my engagement party.” Y/N looks up to see who it is, “Hi Blythe, it’s good to see you again too! I’m sorry about leaving in such a rush at the party. I wasn’t feeling well.” Blythe nods and takes a seat on the pool chair beside her. She sits up so the both of them are facing each other. 

“Yeah, I know. Rafe told me that he saw you talking with his dad. I’m sorry that that happened. If I had known that you and Ward had such a rocky relationship, then I wouldn’t have asked Mason to bring you. I was just hoping to help fix your and his relationship. I know how much you mean to him as an ex and a childhood friend.”

“Does he talk about me a lot?”

“Yes, well, actually no. Not as much as he used to before we started dating. Most of the time it was about how angry he was with you and how he thinks you were a coward, but I think he is getting over his anger about your break up.” 

“Oh, he’s really been so angry about it all this time?” Y/N asks with guilt in her voice. 

“Of course, he’s been. Based on how much it seems he loved you, he wouldn’t just be okay with a sudden break-up. I mean aren’t you still grieving your relationship a tiny bit?”

“I guess I have, but I think it’s only because I’m back home. And he must’ve moved on before you guys dated, you guys are getting married for heaven's sake.”

“I know. But I honestly think he needed me to help him move on. Before we started dating, it always felt like he was mad at the world for something and he would never let any girl in like he was scared. It took him a while to open up to me.”

“Not that long if you guys started dating five months into knowing each other.”

“Most people open up to me immediately. It’s my personality. You are literally doing it right now,” Blythe points out with a serious face. 

“Yeah, I guess. Still not very long for normal standards.”

“True, but enough about Rafe. How about you? You said it was hard to see Rafe since coming back. Are you okay?” 

From the look on Blythe’s face, the question is laced with genuine concern and not jealousy or anything else. “Yeah, I am. I’ve had my time to process everything. I think I finally am ready to go out on a date and try to move on,” she says with a hint of untruthfulness. Blythe smiles at her, “That’s great! I know a few great guys if you are ever looking for someone on this side of the pond.” At that moment, something unexpected happens. “I don’t believe my luck. Is that Miss. Y/N Y/L/N that I see?” The face of the towering figure is blocked by the shadows created because his back is facing the sun. The British accent clues Y/N in as to where she might have met this person. As if on cue, the person moves out of the way of the sun and she can finally see who it is. His medium-length curly brown hair and dark brown eyes start to become in focus. The only thing that has really changed since she last saw him is that his diamond face shape now has a little stubble on his jawline. 

Cole Weisner stands before her in all of his glory. “Cole, hi. What are you doing here?” she questions as she gets up to give him a hug. He returns the hug with a smile, “I was wondering if I might bump into you eventually but I didn’t think that you were here. I’m here for work. The company is looking into opening an office here.” 

“Really? Are you still working in publishing? Why would they want an office here?” 

“I am. And they seem to have noticed a pattern with popular authors cropping up in this area.”

Y/N’s cheeks heat up at his flirtatious words, “I wouldn’t consider myself popular per se.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Y/N/N. You sold around a million copies of your debut book in the first year of its release. That is no small feat.”

“Okay, I believe you. So how are you enjoying the OBX experience?”

“It just got better, to be honest with you. It’s been great though. A little hot but from what you told me it is expected. Although, I can’t seem to find any good food places. Maybe you could show me some places.”

Y/N and Cole had done this dance before a long time ago. In her first year of university, she had gone out on a date with the boy and even though he said he felt sparks, he noticed she didn’t have her heart open yet to a new relationship. They had remained friends up until they graduated which is when they fell out of touch because of how busy they were with work. However, with her newfound belief that she is ready to move on with her life, she feels as though fate is trying to tell her something by bringing her here at the same time as Cole. “Yeah, I think I can do that. Are you free tomorrow night?”

——

Rafe is working on some files in the kitchen when Blythe gets back home from dinner with her friends. She gives him a kiss on the cheek before going to sit down, “Hey baby. Finishing up your work for the day.” “Yeah, Dad needed me to look over some paperwork before I went to bed. How was your day?” he asks, briefly looking up at the girl before going back to work. 

“It was good. You’ll never guess who I ran into at the country club this afternoon.”

“Really? Who, babe? 

“Y/N. We had such a nice talk. And she has a date tomorrow night with what sounds like an old flame? Isn’t that wonderful? Maybe when I get you guys talking again, we can go on a triple date with Mason and whoever I can find for him. He can’t live the bachelor life forever.”

The news just shared with Rafe causes him to stop working and look at Blythe completely. “She’s going on a date? What was his name? Wilson? Lewis?” Blythe shakes her head, “No, none of those. He said his name was Cole. I think maybe they know each other from publishing. At least, that’s where he says he works for anyways.” Rafe’s mind races at what she says and he starts to overthink everything. Without saying anything, he gets up from his chair and gets on his dirtbike. 

He, once again, makes the trip back to Barry’s house to help his brain turn off from the spiral he is about to experience. “Got through what you bought already, country club? That was fast,” Barry comments, walking out of his trailer. Rafe shakes his head and holds up his own baggie, “Nope, just need a place to do this shit.” He doesn’t say anything, walking into the house and getting his lines ready. If she didn’t meet Cole in high school, then she must have met him in university, which means she dated after they broke up. How could she do that to him? She broke his heart and was okay with moving on like it was nothing. Now, she’s trying again. To forget about them. To forget about the pain she caused. That’s all he wants to do too.

He forms the final line of powder and brings his nose down to snort each line he prepares. He slowly starts to feel himself forget about her. Just when he thought he was in the clear, a new image of her with his so-called Cole permeates his thoughts. Does she laugh at Cole’s jokes in the same way she did his? Does she let him pull her by the waist to place a kiss on her lips? Does she let him do all the things she used to let Rafe to her? His normal amount of cocaine doesn’t help him forget, so he needed more. “I want more,” Rafe orders to Barry. Barry shakes his head, “You know I love the business, man, but I don’t think you should be doing anymore. You did a lot already.” Rafe gets up and punches the wall near Barry’s head. “I said get me more. So do it. I don’t need your opinion,” Rafe growls close to Barry’s face. Barry has no other choice but to obey the intoxicated man. 

Taglist: @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @gillybear17 @f4ll-for-you @winterrrnight @maggiecc @magicwithaknife @loves0phelia @jiarapamuk

[riordanness]

breathe - [r.cameron]

requested: no

warnings: panic attack

wordcount: 0.8K

Rafe Cameron has never been the most likeable guy in the Outer Banks. He’s the son of Ward Cameron, one of the wealthiest guys on the island, as well as the cruellest and most manipulative. If you knew what was best for you, you stayed well away from anyone in the Cameron family.

I personally had never had any real interactions with Rafe or his family, my opinions on him based almost entirely on the words of my friends. The other teens, mostly the Pogues I hung around with, would whisper behind his back about how he was a 'spoiled rich brat' and 'arrogant' – something that only pushed him further away from any kind of meaningful social interaction.

I wouldn’t say I’m the nicest person ever, but I try my best to act friendly towards everyone I can, as you never know what someone is going through behind the scenes. I try to treat everyone with kindness, except for Rafe, who she intensely disliked. I know all too well about his 'bad boy' reputation and that makes me want to steer as far away in the opposite direction as I can.

One day, a few weeks into the first term of my senior year, I’m sitting in history class when I suddenly begin to feel faint and lightheaded. I start struggling to breathe, and my chest pulls tight, painfully even. I hastily stand, not bothering to ask to be excused, and rush from the room.

Mr Sunn calls after me, but doesn't seem too bothered by my disappearance. He definitely has worse things to worry about than a girl leaving his classroom.

I crumple to the floor in the empty hallway, leaning my back against the wall for support. My head drops to my knees, drawn up to my chest, and I cry, my throat constricting, my breathing shallow.

I’m no stranger to panic attacks, growing up in a home that resulted in many an attack, usually late at night, alone under my covers. You’d think I’d be better at dealing with them by now, but I still have no idea how to help myself through them. Waiting it out is my best and only strategy at the moment.

I become vaguely aware of someone sliding down the wall to sit beside me, their hand on my shoulder. I lift my head, vision blurry with hot tears, only to find Rafe Cameron sitting next to me.

“It's okay,” he softly mutters, his deep-set voice oddly soothing in the moment. He runs a hand through my hair, gently trying to direct my gaze to his.

I cry harder, not wanting his presence, but being unable to even communicate with anything but more tears.

“Just try to breathe, y/n. I'm here. I'll help you calm down.”

I’m honestly kind of surprised he knows my name, as I never speak to him and try to generally avoid all contact with the blond boy.

My initial reaction is to push him away, my intense dislike for him still a presence in the room. But as I look into his pretty, concerned blue eyes, I begin to realise that at this moment, Rafe isn't trying to prove a point or show off his wealth. Instead, he is trying to genuinely help me in a moment of need.

With shaky breaths, I continue to focus on him, as if the words coming out of his mouth are an anchor. Rafe continues to talk, describing his family’s boat, and how pretty the waves look in the morning sunrise. I don’t know how he knows me well enough to know that the water is my favourite thing in the world, but each sentence carries a tone of assurance that things will, indeed, get better in time.

It wasn't long until I feel my heart rate slowing down and my breathing grow more consistent. I shakily stand up, still processing the fact that it is Rafe Cameron who was the one to bring her back to reality.

We simply stand there in silence for a minute, the atmosphere filled with a strange awkwardness. I’m not quite sure how to react – I had gone from intensely disliking this boy to having feelings of admiration and gratitude towards him.

“Thank you, Rafe,” I say, my voice a mixture of surprise and appreciation. “You… you didn't have to do that for me, you know.”

At that, he smirks, a faint look of satisfaction in his expression. “I know I didn't,” he says. “It just seemed like the right thing to do.”

I smile hesitantly, my heart suddenly warming up to this boy I thought I’d known all too well. It was at that moment that I realise that maybe even the mean, rich, arrogant Rafe Cameron has a heart after all.

taglist: @drewstarkeysbae <33

[a-aexotic]

half & half. part 004. previous

warnings: unedited LOL, getting drugged (not reader), alcohol, fighting (when is there not), party things, rafe being out of character, lmk if i missed anything

main masterlist. obx masterlist.

After you and JJ’s fight, you both ignored each other’s existence. The last time you guys had gotten into a fight this bad was right after you moved to Figure 8. The only person who was there to witness it was John B, so he had some experience it.

The only advice he told them was to never get involved. And what did they do? The exact opposite.

Kie drove her and Pope over to your house and decided the best way to get the Pogues back together was to talk to the most reasonable of the pair; you.

Kie parked her car and her and Pope got out of the house. Pope gaped at the big house, his mouth open. "I never realized how rich Y/N was."

"The L/N's are like the second richest family because of her dad's business. They might be equally as rich as the Cameron's and that's saying a lot." Kie explained as they walked to your door. She rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer.

Y/N's mom opened the door, a surprised look on her face quickly morphing into a delighted one once she realized it was Kie. "Good afternoon, Kiara. Wonderful to see you." She turned to Pope. "And you, too."

They both smiled. "Good to see you too, Mrs. L/N. Um, we were wondering where Y/N was?"

"She's in the back with Sarah." Your mom grinned, opening the door. Kie almost rolled her eyes but Pope made sure to give her a warning look. Kie almost just walked out right then and there but she remembered what was on the line here.

She loved Y/N and JJ and she knew that she'd have to choose if they didn't make up - they were both extremely stubborn (not to mention petty) so they would make the Pogues choose. Kie took a deep breathe, getting herself ready to see her ex-best friend.

Pope and Kie walked into the backyard, hearing laughter before turning to see the pair. Kie resisted an eye roll. You turned to them and grinned before getting up. Sarah's smile faded, opting to stare out to the pool instead of them.

"Kie! Pope!" You went up to them, giving them each a huge.

Kie smiled, "Hey Y/N! Um, how have you been?"

"Great, you?"

"We've been, um. Pretty good." Pope answered before getting a subtle nudge from Kie. "Uh! Actually, we've been sad. Cus of you and JJ."

You looked really confused before Kie decided to take over.

"What Pope means is," she gave him a glare. "Is that it hasn't been the same without you. More quiet, you know?"

"Uh, yeah. I understand." You said, nodding. Sarah was suddenly interested. You had never mentioned a fight with JJ, or a big one for that matter. And she was your best friend, how could she not tell you?

Kie smiled, giving you an awkward pat. "Have you talked to JJ?"

"No." You shook your head.

"Maybe you should apologize?" Pope finally spoke, making you furrow your brows. Kie glared at him for what seems like the millionth time that day.

"Me? Why should I apologize, I didn't even do anything wrong."

Sarah got up and stood next to Y/N, making Kie roll her eyes. "What happened?"

"Nothing that has anything do with you," Kie quickly responded, earning a bitter frown from you.

"Kie, don't talk to her like that, okay? Not in front of me." You spoke as Kie let out a scoff.

"Y/N-"

Pope quickly grabbed Kie, making her stay quiet before she said anything she regretted. "Maybe we should come back. Y/N, think about what we said, okay?"

You took a deep breathe, relaxing a bit and nodding. "Yeah, we'll talk later."

They walked away and you heard Kie mumble something under her breathe. You gave Sarah a reassuring smile as you guys sat down. She slowly returned it, sighing.

"Did you get into a fight with JJ and not tell me?"

You instantly tensed back up again. You didn't purposely not tell Sarah, it just hadn't come up. Well, it sort of was intentional. You knew that Rafe and Sarah had a rocky relationship and you didn't want to be in the middle of it.

You also didn't tell her about the night you helped him and honestly, you didn't want to explain everything right now. It was hard enough for you to understand, imagine how Sarah would react.

"Yeah, but I..." You paused. "I just don't want to talk about it, I haven't even processed it myself."

Sarah nodded. She was obviously curious and she wanted to know how bad it was. The last bad fight you'd gotten in with JJ, you went to her house crying. She has an idea on how to help you but she will wait til you asked.

She took your hand and smiled, squeezing it. "Whenever you're ready, Y/N/N."

The music could be heard from a block away as Y/N drove towards it. Sarah's friend had invited you two to her big birthday party and since you hadn't had a drink since the summer had begun, you decided this was the best time to get sloppy drunk because you don't have work for the next two days.

You both walked in the party, Drake booming from the speakers. You led Sarah hand-in-hand to the drink's table. "What do you want drink?"

You looked at Sarah, eyebrows furrowed. "What?"

"What do you want to drink?!" She screamed and you finally nodded in understanding. You then walked so that you were right to next her.

"I don't care as long as I get blackout drunk." You stated, earning a laugh and nod from Sarah. She then handed you a mystery drink and you immediately took a taste. You scrunched your nose and shook your head in disgust at the bitter taste. "Put some more punch."

After you guys got your drinks, you went into the backyard because the house was humid and warm from the amount of people in the house.

As you went outside, you saw the group of boys you had seen at the club. Kelce, Topper and Rafe. You hadn't seen him since the fight before and you were anxious to see him again. Your heart started to beat faster and Sarah noticed.

"You okay?"

You nodded, "Yeah, uh the alcohol is starting to work." You laughed nervously. She nodded, unconvinced. But she wasn't really focused on you right now, she added this to things to tomorrow morning's debrief.

She noticed Topper and she rolled her eyes. "Guess what I found out."

You guys started walking towards the pool chairs, sitting. "What?"

"Topper took another girl on a date a few days ago." Sarah next to you.

You gasped and shook your head, taking a drink. "What a bitch! Who?"

"Maya Cafincy or something weird like that." Sarah rolled her eyes as you nodded.

"Oh yeah, her. She was in my AP Stats class, she was smart."

Sarah glared at you.

"Not as smart as you, though." You added. "I don't why Topper would do that."

"Yeah, me neither." Sarah frowned.

"You know what you should do?"

"What?"

"Find a really cute boy," you put your hands on hers, "and make him jealous."

Sarah looked shocked but then she started to nod, getting up. "Yeah, you're right! If he can go flirt with other girls after our date then I can too!"

You nodded, "Yes! Good idea, Sarah." You got up, clasping your hand in hers. "Let's go find you a loyal man!"

After a few glances at the boys, she find a cute boy. You recognized him and realized he was a really smart sophomore boy from last year who was in your chemistry class. You immediately approved because you remember he was a nice boy.

He and Sarah hit it off quickly, they sat at a table and started talking, making you third wheel. You decided to give them some alone time and started to get some drinks.

You walked to the drink table to refill your cup. You felt someone tap on your shoulder and you turned to see Rafe. Your eyes winded before you swallowed.

He smiled, "Hey, uh. Haven't seen you in a while!"

He looked a little too optimistic, you guessed it was just the alcohol. "Hey, yeah."

He pulled you in by the arm, closer. "I wanted to thank you for the other night." Your heart sped up at the proximity. You felt your cheeks at the warmth.

You shook your head, "no need to thank me."

"No, no. I do, not everyone would've done what you did especially for me."

You scoffed, "Of course everyone has a little human decency. And you aren't that bad, Rafe. Promise."

He was looking so deeply in your eyes, you swore that you were going to pass out. Then you heard some whooping behind you and you both turned around, seeing Rafe's friends laughing at him.

He rolled his eyes in annoyance, before sighing and grabbing your hand. "Let's go somewhere else, okay?"

You nodded, butterflies erupting in your stomach in nervousness. You hadn't felt this nervous since opening your acceptance letter. He walked you both out to the pool.

He took a seat in the pool chairs and you sat in front of him. There weren't a lot of people outside, opting to be inside where the drinks are.

You both sat in silence before he spoke again, looking away from you and at the pool. "I'm sorry if I caused anything with you and JJ."

You shook your head, "it's fine. He gets sensitive when it comes to the Kooks, he thinks that I chose you over him."

Rafe nodded, "Yeah. I don't why he hates us."

You almost laughed at his comment, knowing that the Kooks (and Rafe, at times) treat the Pogues like shit. "I mean, you guys tend to be... you know, asshole-ish."

He turned back to you, his lips tightened in annoyance. "Well-"

"You guys are assholes to Pogues, I've seen it, Rafe."

He sighed and shrugged, "I guess."

You laughed, "Guess?"

He turned back, "Fine, we can be assholes sometimes."

You laughed at his words and Rafe felt his heart jump at the sound. The more he listened, the more his lips quirked up. He looked at down at his lap, trying to avoid your gaze.

You turned your gaze back to Rafe, suddenly feeling a ounce of dread. You felt like you were betraying Sarah by just being there, not to mention JJ.

"I really didn't mean to like, cause anything-"

"Rafe, you didn't. You just helped me and that was a kind thing to do, not everyone would've done that. Don't apologize, okay?" You said rapidly, making him look up to you.

"Kind? You think I'm kind?"

Your face felt warm and suddenly you were stuttering trying to say something, looking away from his piercing gaze. You exhaled before continuing, "Yeah, Rafe. I mean, it was brave what you did. I know everyone thinks that you're some big old scary guy but I know you have a kind heart. I mean the way you treat Wheezie, or even Sarah sometimes, proves it. And especially what you did for me."

Rafe smiled and he didn't even know he was doing it. His heart felt warm at the way you described him. It sure as hell wasn't like the way anyone else has ever done before.

The silence made you anxious but as soon as you saw that big smile, you felt your heart do a little cartwheel at the sight. You made Rafe smile, now that's definitely a skill.

"Thank you, Y/N. I mean it, I would've died-"

He was instantly cut off the sound of glass breaking, making you guys both jump. You had a really bad feeling and you hastily got up and ran into the house, Rafe following you.

Your heart dropped once you realized it was where you left Sarah and that boy alone.

"I saw you put something in her drink!" A girl shouted and you quickly walked over, seeing some glass broken on the ground and Sarah laying down on the couch, seemingly unconscious. Your head starting racing as you saw her and you pushed people to get to her spot.

"What the fuck happened?" You heard Rafe yell but you were only focused on Sarah. She looked conscious but she wasn't responding to anything you were saying.

"Hey!" You got up from your seat and found the guy you were with. "What the fuck did you do?"

"Nothing!"

"Nothing?" You screamed, grabbing his shirt and then pushing him backwards into the chairs. "Then why is she unconscious on the fucking couch? What did you put in her drink?"

"I'm going to call the police..." The girl who was with them previously said, grabbing her phone, causing the boy to jump and grab it out of her hand.

"No one is calling anyone-"

"Hey, didn't I ask you a fucking question?"

He slammed the phone into the ground before grabbing your arm, twisting it as you yelped in pain. "Why are you acting like such a fucking bitch? My god, it's like you people haven't seen a roofie before!"

Before you can get out of his grasp you heard someone come up behind you, "Don't touch her, you fucking asshole."

Rafe grabbed your arm out of his grasp, making you back up into the crowd before Rafe goes for a loud punch. The guy went flying back into the chairs, causing them to fall down with him in them. "You roofie my fucking sister and you have the nerve to fucking defend yourself?"

Rafe went over to the boy and took his collar into his hands, giving him another strong punch after another. You almost wanted to stop him until you saw Sarah again on the couch. You can't believe you left her all alone and she got roofied. You can't help but feel responsible.

You heard some shouting and you looked up to see Topper and Kelce trying to break up Rafe from the boy. You went over to Sarah as you saw some people leaving and you realized that someone had called the cops.

You grabbed Sarah and tried to get her up on her feet.

"Lay off, Topper!" You heard Rafe shout and you looked back to see him approaching you and Sarah. Without saying a word, he took Sarah from you and carried her in his arms. You noticed his bloody knuckles but chose to say nothing. You wanted to smile at such a warm gesture from Rafe but you didn't think that would be the best idea under the circumstances.

"Let's get her home."

Even though it wasn't the best idea, you decided to drive home. Out of all you three, you were conscious and not completely drunk.

As you arrived at the Cameron's, you got out of the car to help them into the house but it seemed like Rafe had it handled. You walked into the quiet house and realized Ward and Rose were asleep. You were grateful that you didn't have to explain this sticky situation to them.

Rafe went up the stairs as quietly as he could and you were close behind. You opened the door and you both walked in and he slowly dropped her on the bed. You knelt down and took off her shoes and socks and then you went up.

Rafe was about to walk out before you whispered, "Wait."

He instantly turned back, his heart racing as he looked at you.

"Let me help you... um, with your knuckles. Just wait here with Sarah."

He nodded as you got up and walked out into the big house, trying to find the bandage kit. You found it in the bathroom and you went back into Sarah's room, seeing that Rafe had tucked in Sarah. You smiled at the sight. He looked back to see you and you turned away awkwardly, clearing your throat before walking in.

You sat at the edge of bed next to Rafe. You both stared at each other before he slowly gave you his hand. You absentmindedly caressed it before getting some alcohol on a cotton round and rubbing it on the wound.

Rafe slightly winced at the pain, "Sorry."

He shook his head, "All good." He watched you focus on cleaning the wound and he felt his cheeks turn red at proximity. He saw your a piece of your hair fall and he took his other hand, brushing it out of your face. You looked up, seeing Rafe's lips move into a smile.

You smiled back before turning your gaze back to his hand, finally putting his bandage back on.

Then you felt Sarah move and let out a small whimper, causing you both to whip your heads towards her. You went over to Sarah, "Hey, you feeling alright?"

"What happened?" Her voice was gruff and raspy and you felt your heart break. She doesn't even remember it. The guilt of not being with her to protect her came back and you sat down on the bed next to her, taking her hand.

"Uh, that guy. Do you remember him putting anything in your drink?"

She shook her head, instantly sitting up in alarm. "No... Did he put anything in my drink?"

"Yes, and I'm so sorry for not being there. I should've been there-"

"Y/N," Rafe said, making Sarah look back at him in confusion. "It wasn't your fault."

You wanted to cry right there. "Sarah, I-"

"I love you, Y/N." Sarah managed to choke out. She was the verge of tears too. "Did he do anything or..."

"No, no. We got there before he did anything. Me and Rafe got you home safe, alright?"

She smiled at that. You could sense her restless and you got up, "Go to bed, Sarah, okay? We'll talk about this tomorrow."

"Wait, can you..." She paused. "Can you stay in here?"

You looked over at Rafe and he nodded. You sat back down, taking your shoes off. "Yeah, of course."

She scooched over and you opened the sheets and went in, laying down next to her.

"I love you, too, Sarah. I will never let anything like that ever happen again." You whispered and she grabbed your hand and held it.

[april-is]

April 24, 2024: How Can Black People Write About Flowers at a Time Like This, Hanif Abdurraqib

How Can Black People Write About Flowers at a Time Like This Hanif Abdurraqib

dear reader, with our heels digging into the good mud at a swamp’s edge, you might tell me something about the dandelion & how it is not a flower itself but a plant made up of several small flowers at its crown & lord knows I have been called by what I look like more than I have been called by what I actually am & I wish to return the favor for the purpose of this exercise. which, too, is an attempt at fashioning something pretty out of seeds refusing to make anything worthwhile of their burial. size me up & skip whatever semantics arrive to the tongue first. say: that boy he look like a hollowed-out grandfather clock. he look like a million-dollar god with a two-cent heaven. like all it takes is one kiss & before morning, you could scatter his whole mind across a field.

--

From the poet:

“I was at a reading shortly after the [2016] election, and the poet (who was black) was reading gorgeous poems, which had some consistent and exciting flower imagery. A woman (who was white) behind me—who thought she was whispering to her neighbor—said ‘How can black people write about flowers at a time like this?’ I thought it was so absurd in a way that didn’t make me angry but made me curious. What is the black poet to be writing about ‘at a time like this’ if not to dissect the attractiveness of a flower—that which can arrive beautiful and then slowly die right before our eyes? I thought flowers were the exact thing to write about at a time like this, so I began this series of poems, all with the same title. I thought it was much better to grasp a handful of different flowers, put them in a glass box, and see how many angles I could find in our shared eventual demise.” —Hanif Abdurraqib

Today in:

2023: Lit, Andrea Cohen 2022: Meditations in an Emergency, Cameron Awkward-Rich 2021: How the Trees on Summer Nights Turn into a Dark River, Barbara Crooker 2020: Ash, Tracy K. Smith 2019: Under Stars, Dorianne Laux 2018: Afterlife, Natalie Eilbert 2017: There Are Birds Here, Jamaal May 2016: Poetry, Richard Kenney 2015: Dreaming at the Ballet, Jack Gilbert 2014: Vocation, Sandra Beasley 2013: Near the Race Track, Brigit Pegeen Kelly 2012: from Ask Him, Raymond Carver 2011: Sweet Star Chisel, Dearest Flaming Crumbs in Your Beard Lord, John Rybicki 2010: Rain Travel, W.S. Merwin 2009: Goodnight, Li-Young Lee 2008: Bearhug, Michael Ondaatje 2007: Meditation at Lagunitas, Robert Hass 2006: Autumn, Rainer Maria Rilke 2005: On Turning Ten, Billy Collins

[mireya-the-awkward-extrovert]

♪Mireya

My main acc: @mireyaaaaaa

☆Name: Mireya

☆Age: 14

₊·*◟Birthday on 23rd January ◜‧*･

☆Resides at cabin7 ₊·*◟Apollo◜‧*･

☆Hobbies: Reading, writing, singing, playing instruments, gardening, photography and filmmaking, making jewelerry, talking~ oh and some other stuff I can't remember

☆Personality: awkward but loves to talk and make new friends, golden retriever, kinda sensitive... Okay maybe a lot.. And is also kind of embarrased to approach new people because of her awkward personality even though she wants to

☆Loves her plushie bunny a lot (her now deceased brother gave it to her)

**about her mortal family

Mother- Cassandra suncrest

Step father- Maverick Suncrest

Older brother- Phoenix Suncrest @phoenix-isnt-dead

☆Heterosexual

《I'm open to keep my ocs in a realtionship》

｡ﾟooc: I'm a minor so no nsfw intercations pleaseﾟ｡

☆MBTI: ENFPﾟ｡✧°ﾟ｡

☆Height: 5'4

☆Years at camp: 0 (just arrived)

☆She hasn't decided yet but is probably going to be an all year round camper since her brother was killed in a car crash (ooc: currently writing lore for Mireya, everything will be explained... I'm sorry I procastinate)

☆weapon of choice: an amethyst dagger flaked with gold, can switch into a bow too

☆Appearance: wavy, long blonde hair, almost always smiling, has heterochromia but got bullied for it so wears eye contacts

☆Bestieees:

Irene♡ @iwillsarcasmthemonstersaway

Ivory♡ @when-stupid-meets-chaos

Penelope♡ @archery-and-musicals

Cam♡ @one-of-apollos

Lara♡ @oh-to-be-a-robot

☆New friends who I want to be closer to:

Serene @arisdaughter

Naomi @random-daughter-of-hades

Alp and Nuray @best-siblings-ever

Cameron Gwen Grace @gwengracecameron

Lucas @if-chaos-was-a-boy

♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*

☆Tag I use: #₊·*◟mireya speaking◜‧*･

And

₊·*◟mireya reblogs◜‧*･

And

#₊·*◟mireya speaking ooc◜‧*･

And

₊·*◟open starters☆◜‧*･

When I start posting more of her backstory and lore I'll use ₊·*◟Mireya loreee☆◜‧*･

♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*♡o｡+..:*

ⁱ ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʷᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵇᵉ ᶠʳⁱᵉⁿᵈˢ ^^

People I know>>

(ʷʰᵒ ᵏⁿᵒʷ ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒᵒ)

@will-solace-aaaaa

@cabinseventheaterchick

@one-of-apollos

@apollos-favorite-child

@iwillsarcasmthemonstersaway

@apollos-only-sane-child

@arisdaughter

@the-forgotten-apollo-kid

@the-forgotten-son-of-aphrodite

@when-stupid-meets-chaos

@never-too-much-kool-aid

@archery-and-musicals

@thatonebitheaterkid

@if-chaos-was-a-boy

@random-daughter-of-hades

@evie-the-hecate-goth

@best-siblings-ever

@cabin7-bookworm

@your-lucky-lady

@gwengracecameron

@oh-to-be-a-robot

Dad(dads...?)who probably don't know I exist>> (hii!)

@thatoneprophecyguy @the-god-of-sun @apollo-god-of-prophecy

(sᴏʀʀʏ ғᴏʀ ɴᴏᴛɪғs-)

If anyone wants to rp as besties with me, lmk<33 I'm okay with keeping my character in a relationship too so js send an ask or dm :)

✽・:..｡o￠o｡..:・✽・:..｡o￠o｡..:・✽・:..｡o￠o｡..:・

I have a post with pictures of her, her weapon and few other pictures for her hobbies i couldn't add on this post

back story under the cut

Born in Manhattan, her mother Cassandra decided to shift back to Thailand, her hometown, with her boyfriend Maverick and get married when she was age 3. Her parents never really cared for her, it was her brother Phoenix, who raised her. He left for New York for college though.

At age 13, she finally decided to run away and traveled all by herself to find her brother.

She was made the heiress to her family riches after Phoenix fled away, her going missing was manipulated into kidnapping. She came from one of the most powerful bloodlines in Thailand, the one closest to the royals since the very beginning.

He's supposedly dead according to Mireya because they were ambushed and he seemed to have died. (He isn't actually dead, it'll be explained as the lore goes on i guess)

[monstrous-femme]

“There’s a dream I have in which I love the world. I run from end to end like fingers through her hair. There are no borders, only wind. Like you, I was born. Like you, I was raised in the institution of dreaming. Hand on my heart. Hand on my stupid heart.”

-Cameron Awkward-Rich, Meditations in an Emergecny

*

This time, Nancy doesn’t bother trying to explain things over the phone.

“You’re a bard and I’m coming to meet you. Outside the Met. Four hours from now,” she says, and hangs up before Eddie can say he has work, or that he’s too busy, or anything else that hasn’t happened yet but easily could this time.

It’s a Tuesday in the middle of summer, the summer right after she graduated and hasn’t found a job yet. She leaves the city, then drives like a bat out of hell for as long as she can before finally hitting the New York traffic. She’s tail-gaiting like hell, but the one time she lets up, a red BMW cuts in front of her. Her fingers tap against the steering wheel every time she’s stopped for over three seconds.

She’s trying not to think about it until Eddie is there, until there’s someone she can explain it to so that she doesn’t feel crazy.

Blue scarf. Soft lips against her own. Robin, away in another country. Blue scarf soft lips bluescarfsoftlipsblue—

And it’s not just the kiss, either, because there’s this thing, whatever plan it is that Steve once had, and if she can just find it out, there might be a chance in hell of fixing everything. Of getting back to her own time, if that’s still something that she wants to do. (Of course it’s what I want to do, she tells herself, but it’s so fucking hard to know what she believes anymore.)

[fromjannah]

hiii jannah. any poems been on your mind recently

Hi lucy my dear i am SO glad you asked. prepare for rambles

i am constantly stupefied and outraged at frank o'hara who was of course one of the best to ever do it!!!!!!! his style is something that i personally struggle with -- the easy personal nature, how he weaves his friends By Name so effortlessly and beautifully into his work, how he captures new york and art and love and everything so well. fuck!!!!! it's really hard for me to do that because i always feel kitschy and cringey but like. save me frank save me. "for grace, after a party" is one of my favorites of his for various reasons but i think "and when someone you love enters the room and says wouldn't / you like the eggs just a little different today? / and when they arrive they are just plain scrambled eggs and the warm weather is holding" is just. the absolute perfect pair of last lines. they make me cry every fucking time for reasons i can't even put into words. it's just love distilled. it's pure love in the plainest scrambled eggs. i'm crying again

hanif abdurraqib's "dudes, we did not go through the hassle of getting these fake IDs for this jukebox to not have any springsteen" is my poem of the Year actually. i read it right before midnight on new year's and my birthday and just oh god. i carry it in my heart forever and ever and ever. i tried reading it aloud recently and jesus fuck that enjambment is hard but it's so so good. what would i do without you hanif!!! he was actually inspired by frank o'hara's style particularly how he uses the names of his friends, which i find fairly evident in this poem!!!

my memorized poem for the month was cameron awkward-rich's transcendent "meditations in an emergency" (which is, perhaps not so coincidentally, after frank o'hara's poem by the same name -- i also own the collection with the same name, it was gifted to me by my beloved :]]) it's such a beautiful little poem, the movement of it reminds me so starkly of the wind that cameron evokes in the end. and like. hand on my stupid heart. forever and ever and ever.

anis mojgani's "to the sea". i am a terrible horrible american from a sea of parking lots and i have fallen in love dozens of times in my car! enough said.

honorary last line mentions go to alex dimitrov's "today i love being alive" ("call me old-fashioned really. / but when i cut myself shaving above the lip / i lick up the blood. i don't wince."), mary karr's "diogenes tries to forget" ("and i love you / with one hemisphere of my brain, / the dumb one, which forgets"), and as always & forever, kaveh akbar's "forfeiting my mystique" ("to the extent i am necessary at all, i am necessary like a roadside deer  -- / a thing to drive past, to catch / the white of, something / to make a person pause, / say, look, a deer.").

i love last lines of poems so very much!!!!!!!! they stick with me they loop in my head i reblog so many poems because i fear i'll remember last lines and not know which poems they're from and never find them ever again!!!! fuck wouldn't that be awful!!!!! anyway i love poetry so much. and i love love. and i love you lucy!!!! thank you so much for the ask and the opportunity to ramble :]] <333

[luvskyxx]

WORTH IT

Part 3

Summary: the start of Rafe and y/n's affair. (this part takes place before parts 1 and 2. This can also be read alone)

Warning: smut, drinking, and swearing

“You are going to have so much fun.” Sarah smiled as you both walked into mid-summers. It was more of a reminder than a promise. You hated places like these. How awkward they are. It was always a day you dreaded. How your parents would do all out for you. Buying you a nice dress and shoes. Bragging to all their rich friends about the scholarships they got.

It wasn't like anyone truly cared about you. It was more of a competition. Who was the better family? Who looked like they had it all together. The truth was everyone was a little fucked up.

Topper's parents were neglectful, and hateful forward their son. Kelce's parents were more focused on the business trips. More like vacations they went without him. They regretted having a son. It drained them. It wasn't like kelce was a bad kid they just were not ready to raise one. Your parents only spent their time with your siblings. How cute and young they were. The potential they have. How you wasted yours trying to find yourself. And the Cameron's pretending they had all this money when they were so far in debt they couldn't even see how far of a hole they were digging.

That all changes on the night of mid-summer though. All the problems were saved for another day. Parents bragging to one another about their families. Hoping the lies they told would start to come true. Hoping they would believe it as well.

“These places are nothing but a social event.” Rafe murmurs. You turn your head to Rafe as he sips some alcohol he stole on his way into the room. Rafe was the only other person who hated these things as much as you. There wasn't enough alcohol to drown out the nonsense each one feeds the other.

“Do you see Topper anywhere?” Sarah whispers to you completely oblivious to anything else in the room. “Ohh I see him come on” her arm caught in the grasp of yours as she drags you to the other end of the party.

“Sarah hey” Topper spoke with the biggest smile on his face. You stood next to Sarah as they both flirted with each other for the next hour. Going on and on about stupid shit. It didn’t take long before you started sneaking drinks from the counters. One after another. It was easy as most people were already drunk or too busy talking to care.

It only took so long before the table of drinks where gone. Not a waiter in sight to refill the table. The more you waited the more antsy you got.

Your legs shook the table as you tried to resist getting up to get another.

“You got any plans tomorrow?” Topper's voice started to become more prominent in your head as the drinks started to wear down. Your eyes rolled in the back of your head as you finally got up.

Looking for the nearest table with a set of drinks. You quickly marched over to a table swiping a glass.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You felt an arm grab you spilling your drink a little.

“Jesus Christ!” You yelled as you almost choked on your straw. You looked up to see Rafe looking around to see if anyone was watching. “Scared the shit out of me” You looked down to see your hands stacked in alcohol. As if you didn’t read enough of it. Your hands became sticky as the liquid dried on you.

“I’m sure I did” Rafe spoke finally pulling his attention back to you.

“Got my dress all dirty too” you spoke trying to wipe off the red substance on your white dress.

“You’ll live” he spoke looking down at your dress. How he admired you in white. How your tan glowed through it. And your eyes seemed to be so visible to the sun. “Real question is how many have you had?” He pointed to the half-empty cup you were still holding.

“Like five…. teen” you shrugged.

“Yeah that’s enough” he spoke taking your drink as he sets it down. Your hands follow his in hopes to hold that cup at least one more time. The comfort you felt while holding it.

“And how many have you had?” You huffed crossing your arms.

“Not important” he spoke pushing his hair back with his hand.

“Not important my ass” You rolled your eyes looking around the room. The sun finally setting making everything glow just slightly. All the glasses shone off rainbows across the dance floor.

“Y/n! Y/n sweetie!” Your mom flagged you down as she and a group of people made their way over o you.

“Shit” you softly spoke as Rafe have you a glance before looking at the group of people heading over.

“Here she is.” Your mom spoke with a smile.

“You have gotten so big y/n. I swear it was just yesterday you were a little girl running around here with your pink flowered dress. Ohh you remember that one she use to wear all the time” One of your mom's friends went on and on about memories you don’t seem to recall. Wasn't so much of the alcohol than the fact that it was so long ago. “And Rafe Cameron I didn't know you too were going out” A smile on the girl's faces as they looked at you both in awe.

“No-” you tried to speak before Rafe cut you off.

“We wanted to wait before we announced anything” his hand wrapping around your waist as he pulls you closer to him. A smile grew on his face as he enjoyed every minute of torching you.

“Well might I say you two are very cute together”

“I think so too” Rafe smiled looking down at you in his arms before looking back at the group of older women.

“Well let's go find our seats” your mom changing the subject as she was tired of the game you two were playing. And quite frankly she could smell the liquor off you both not to mention the stain now on ur dress. She gave you a glance back before following the group of girls over to a table. A look of disappointment as if you just made a fool of her.

“Well, I think that went well” Rafe broke the silence still being you close.

“Ohh fuck off” you spoke pushing him away as you turned around finding the drink Rafe put on the table earlier. You quickly grab it slugging down whatever was left.

“You think I made a good impression?” he turns around putting his hands on the table as if he was concerned about the approval. “You know like it being our first outing and everything” You gave Rafe a look like how dare he drag this longer than it needed to be. It wasn't till you saw a smile leave his face before a laugh to tell you he was done joking around.

“I can't be around you anymore” you spoke walking away before he grabs your arm again.

“Hey hey hey wait” he spoke pulling you back around to face him. “This isn't good for our relationship.” he stood there trying to find whatever smile he was hoping to appear on your face.

“You're an idiot” you spoke pushing his arms off of you before you walked away. His laugh filled your ears even as you left.

He loved watching you get all flustered. How you fell into his traps so easily. You were like another sister of his. Someone he could mess with over and over again and still fall for it every time. And how he enjoyed every minute of it.

If only he thought of you as a sister maybe he could have convinced himself to not think about you.

Yet he did.

He watched you throughout the party. Wishing you didn't end your interaction with him. You were the only person he really wanted to talk to. You're the reason he even put on a happy face tonight. How he doesn't complain about the suit he had to wear. Or the people that came up to him asking him questions as if they cared. He did it all for you.

You grew up knowing the Camerons. Rafe being the older brother you never had wasn't always something you wanted. Deep down you had a crush on him but as he continued to pick on you growing up. You knew the member felt the same.

So once Rafe finally reached the age where he found interest in girls he somehow was interested in you. And you only. It didn’t matter how many girls he brought over to make you Jealous as you and Sarah sat by the pool playing mermaids because it wasn’t you.

He knew you. Like really knew you. He didn’t want to know anyone else. The way girls would explain their interests to him made him realize he doesn’t want to start over and know someone else. Not when you were back at his house watching your favorite movie with Sarah for the 100th time.

“Hey Sarah” you spoke sitting down at the table. Sarah not even paying attention as she continues to talk to Topper. You knew you didn’t miss much of their conversation as they continued flirting with one another.

It took another second before Sarah and Topper left the table leaving you all alone. A sigh leaving your lips as you hated this feeling.

“Hey y/n we are going home are you spending the night at Sarah’s again?” You felt your mom tap you on the shoulder. You lift your head slightly to look up at her as you nod with a smile. You were too out of it to understand why she said till she was gone.

It took you a second before you desired to search for Sarah. Wobbling every step you take till you get inside. As much as you wanted to yell for her your voice wouldn’t let you. At this point, you would just walk home.

“Shhh” a hand came across your face covering your mouth as you were dragged into the long hallway.

“God damn it Rafe” you yelled pushing him away. A laugh filled the room. His laugh the laugh you loved so much it killed you.

“Come on you liked it” he Leander back on the other wall pushing his hair out of his face.

��No god your gonna give me a heart attack”

“Mhmm, your age? Definitely” his smile appeared on his face. How contagious it was it was now on yours. “What are you even still doing here?” He questioned as his shoe played with your leg. Both of your bodies are leaning on different sides of the hallway.

Everyone had left the party considering how late it was now. The sun went down an hour ago and so did the music for that matter.

“Waiting for your sister” you smiled playing with his foot.

“Yeah?” He smiles as both of your attention is on each other's feet. Tapping each other's shoes back and forth. You were too drunk to see how stupid this was but it was amusing. “Well I wouldn’t count on her for a ride” he paused for a minute. “She left with topper a while ago”

“Fuck” you yelled collapsing down the wall.

“You want me to take you home?” A smile on his face as he looked down at you on the floor.

Home! Like it was yours and his. How he loved when he said that. It only made him love it more when you didn’t correct him.

“Please” you beg.

“Come on” he pushes off the wall before grabbing your hands to lift you up. Following him to his truck.

Most of the cars had already left. The only people left were the employees or the drunk idiots whose ride left them. You were one of those drunken idiots.

Luckily Rafe stayed behind just for you. He told Topper to go for it with Sarah tonight hoping he would take his advices. Once he saw Topper and Sarah walking along the beach he knew he should stay a bit longer for you. And there you were in the hallway eating to be taken home.

“God damn Rafe” you yell squirming in your seat. “It’s so fucking hot in hear” you yell turning the heat down as it blew in your face. “It’s the middle of summer” you explain. Lifting your hair up to get some cold air on your neck.

“Sorry,” he said softly turning the heat down more. His eyes switched back and forth from you to the road. Eying your dress that had slid up your legs a little too much.

It was way too hot for you to care though much less notice. But Rafe noticed his eyes were on you the whole night why would he stop now.

“Fuck” he softly mumbled shifting in his seat as his pants grow tighter thinking about all the things he wanted to do to you right now.

How he wanted to fuck you right here in his dad's truck.

“What?” You questioned as he continued to shift in his seat. It wasn’t till he glanced down at his pants that your eyes followed his. He only looked for a second but you quickly caught on. He looked over at you as you just stared at him. You both kept quiet not saying anything.

It wasn’t till you leaned back letting your dress ride up your legs even more that Rafe broke.

“Fuck you need to stop doing that” Rafe leaned back in his seat as he gripes the steering wheel harder. You ignored him leaning back even more. “I swear to fucking god y/n I will fuck you right here if you don’t stop” he griped the steering wheel with his life trying so hard not to look over at you.

It wasn’t till Rafe had enough. You didn’t even move this time. Yet he was throbbing in his pants.

“Fuck this” he pulled over as you look at him confused.

“I didn’t even-“

“Shut up right now,” he said climbing into your seat. He leaned over the top of you fiddling with his pants before pulling them down. “God you make me so angry sometimes” he mutters to himself.

“Rafe” you look up at him.

“I said shut up” You let his hand feel up your thigh sliding your dress up more and more. “You’ve been teasing me all day baby” he breaths onto your neck leaving kisses all down. He pulls your underwear to the side enough for his index finger to slide down your folds slowly, collecting your arousal, “All needy for my cock, huh sweetheart?” He whispered against your ear, your hands gripping onto his bicep as he finger-teased

“God you're soaked”

“Mhmm... Rafe, we can't do this” You pull away.

“Please, baby... I'm hurting so bad right now. I need you.” he begs as his hands toy with your clit. He takes your silence as an answer as he moves his throbbing cock to your entrances.

“Rafe” you beg.

“Just the tip baby I won't go anymore I promise” he reasons with you as you nod in agreement.

He lines up his cock again slowly sliding in just the tip. It was killing him not to push into you. “Fuck baby” he begs. It doesn't take long before he pushes always into you bottoming out.

“Rafe stop!” you plead with him as your hands push his cheat away.

“I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry” he breathes out before pushing deeper into you. Your moans fill the truck. As your hands slowly lose power fall.

He thought about this moment forever. Having you all to himself. How he could use you however he wanted. He loves it. He loved you in every way.

“God I can't hold it anymore baby” he thrust harder into you as your hands grasp onto his back for support.

He needed you right now. He didn't care that he was in his dad's truck or the fact that he planned this all out. It was the only way he was going to keep you. And once he had you he wasn't going to let you go. Ever!