#adultery is cool when she does it actually

[mistninja]

Starling is so funny shes always either:

Causing problems on purpose

Cheating

Being homophobic

[aggravatetheaxe]

Hi hello tell me about Caesar's dead wife

ty my beautiful friends :)

here is caesar's dead wife

-Legion name Drusilla Minerva; original name translates roughly to "Red-Eyed Sparrowhawk Woman"

-tan skin, auburn hair, eyes same color as hair. styled as the Daughter of Minerva much how Caesar is styled the Son of Mars

-came from a matriarchal tribe who, upon seeing what the Legion wrought, decided to join willingly despite, well, everything. their thought process was that there is a dignity in Choice, even if it is one of limited Choices, and assimilation was preferable to losing all their knowledge (i know that canonically caesar's legion is one homogeneous culture and erases all other identities but realistically this isn't how empires work so. wiggle room)

-youngest daughter of an elder and medicine woman, possesses knowledge of loads of ancient practices including blood transfusion and c-section

-despite the Legion going on and on about how you have to have a young, fertile bride, Drusilla is neither young (objective - she's caesar's same age, so like 30) nor fertile

-it was Joshua's idea for caesar to get married - citing a bunch of different reasons, not the least of which was "hey you should probably have an heir so that if you die this empire doesn't devolve into immediate chaos." caesar was like "ok but......" and never finished the sentence ("but i'm gay josh"). joshua was like don't worry king i'll handle it

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-selects a woman for him to court, and hey, it turns out she's actually bad as hell? she's collected, sharp, insanely intelligent (as in wisdom and learned), fanatically spiritual, with a will of iron and a withering stare that could strike any legionary down. caesar is like "she rocks actually, let's do this." but first he has to tell her he and joshua have been, like, A Thing for a long time and he's not going to stop on her account. she's like I Literally Could Not Care Less, the Business of Men Does Not Concern Me. that seals the deal

-ok ok turns out she's actually super cool and they're bffs. yeah they have sex and whatever but when they hold court? definition of a power couple. every fag must have his hag

-joshua is invited into their bed whenever he wants but he's like no :prayer_emoji: adultery is a sin :prayer_emoji: .. Dru and Caesar are like have it your way you fuckin square!!

-she and caesar and josh are the pillars upon which the legion is built. although as a woman she knows her fate is always to be overshadowed, this is something she accepts, like thousands of queens and empresses before her. she's all about protecting her own peace. she's got all the power, comfort, and privilege she could ever want, so like, whatever.

-can frequently be seen spitting venom across the dining table at officers + reminding them of the Mission of the Legion. simply does not tolerate deviation.

-for fertility reasons, she and caesar only ever have one daughter before Drusilla determined another pregnancy would kill her. she's like go ahead and get a concubine who'll give you more children, idc. caesar is like but ... then i'd have to have sex with a . with a w. with a woman. and she's like jesus christ don't be a pussy

-serving cunt at all times. jewel-tone-pilled queens only

-lives at Caesar's palace (not that one- the one in arizona lol) but frequently makes trips out to war camps, sometimes with caesar, sometimes in his stead, sometimes before or after him. she's got a sharp eye and WILL let you know if anything is out of place or if something is not being done right. she's sweeping into camp with fanfare like a goddess, walking down that line of soldiers, and telling at least one to sashay away

-she may be a Woman but the legionaries are so scared of her. and they should be

-Breasts

-enjoys long walks with her entourage, or just her with a companion (usually joshua or a handmaid)

-took a shine to Vulpes, encouraged caesar's choice not to punish him. vulpes is like *points* that's my Evil Mother

-unfortunately took ill with a respiratory illness a decade (give or take) before the game takes place and, despite her best efforts and the efforts of many other healers, was not able to recover

-when it was clear that she was on her deathbed and that the illness would be drawn out, she and caesar agreed that she should commit suicide in the Roman tradition by poisoning. compared to her illness, it was a painless and peaceful death

-caesar's still not over it. yeah he's gay, but that was his best friend in the whole world. and not long after that he lost joshua too. so as you can imagine, he is going through it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bonus about their child, Julia:

[pretend i drew a busty athletic blond babe here]

-Julia is in her late 20s when the game takes place

-tan, dark blond, brown eyes, very obviously caesar's child in her expressions, anchoring facial features, and even her voice. so basically, sexy as hell

-lives in Arizona at the palace, takes care of her half-brothers and -sisters (with the massive help of a bunch of servants and slaves and nurses of course - but she's who they're closest to)

-yeah she's not a man, but she's honestly probably caesar's favorite kid anyway. he's very proud of her beauty and intelligence and is almost (almost) tempted to name her his heir.

-in her ample free time, she's read all the same literature her father has, though she's come up with...slightly different interpretations of the texts. she's like hmm... the legion is kind of not doing the right thing i think? but it's hard to have views that conflict with your culture when you're literally a princess/demigoddess

-would totally vibe with Arcade i think. he'd be like finally someone half sane

-Vulpes has a big fat lesbian crush on her. thank you and goodnight

[ryujnn]

► akuma ﾟ｡ ⋆ is there any room for me?

► chapter summary ﾟ｡ ⋆ the past few days of your life we’re unexpected, yet so much fun. people seem to come a lot in your life… and also leave.

► chapter warnings ﾟ｡ ⋆ nsfw. growing sexual tension. cunnilingus (oral — fem receiving). violence. use of weapons. mentions of blood and wounds. mention of murder.

► note ﾟ｡ ⋆ woah… i realized how much potential this story had and just whipped this up and rereading the whole thing. i missed akuma dearly,,

Dear Mom,

Checking out on the party before it had even started — you’d be shocked with the most recent news. You’re missing out on the fun, you know? All the plans we set out are now in motion. And you’re missing it.

But I’m missing you much more.

So much more.

I have so many questions for you. So many I wished I had asked, but I spent that time crying next to your cooling body. Now I’m left questioning myself.

Mommy, am I strong?

Am I still the strongest?

Even if I don’t feel it?

“R…” You opened your mouth, all of the saliva completely dispersing and leaving you stuck with cotton. The smallest step forward and your husband was grabbing your arm, stopping you. You on the other hand was just too shocked to even care. “Rika? Wh… How’d you know where I lived?”

“I followed you.”

Weird. “Um…” You’re trying to mentally piece together how you were gonna crack this one. “How are you alive? I— They captured you, right? That’s what they said.”

“They didn’t catch me.” Her voice is silky and posh. She’s holding herself with such good demeanor, you wouldn’t be able to tell she struggled half her life. “The woman they captured and killed was not me, yet another one of your father’s previous affairs. She threatened to tell the rest of your family members about his adultery and she was hunted down around the time I fled. They just covered my story up with the poor woman who lost her life.”

That’s absolutely heartbreaking. Not necessarily surprising, though. Your family is sick and twisted.

The metaphorical armor wrapped around you dissolved into the air, brushing past the skin on people’s faces. You felt empathetic towards her now.

“I’m not here to hurt you.” She continues, wary of her surroundings. And your husband. “I’m still alive because of my appearance change. They can’t remember what I look like, at least I pray not. I — I returned this morning. Heard your father’s big fight is soon… he had his beloved batch of boys, huh?”

You shook your head slowly, “Nope. Ryou and I will be fighting.”

It was then when you had actually noticed Rika. She was absolutely alluring. The silence was definitely inviting for you to look at her — to examine her. She had her hair cut to her shoulders, a few strands covering her forehead and bringing attention to her doe eyes. The longer she stood there, it was like watching a child. As if she was caught staying up too late when her parents came home.

She wasn’t threatening at all.

“Oh… congratulations,” Rika responds with a small smile, picking nervously at her fingers. She’s clearly spewing thoughts but there’s no way she could get them out of her mouth. “I’m sure you’ve learned a lot from Himari. You will win and change the trajectory of the clan — I know you can. It’s pretty bad, I don’t want another woman to experience what I… we did.”

All that time she’d been standing in front of you, you had forgotten who Rika actually was. What she had been through — and once it all clicked, you couldn’t stop your feet from moving.

You weren’t staring at a threat, you were staring at a survivor.

Escaping the Shio clan, just the hospital alone at that, with a new born baby and taking care of her all on her own with no experience. Starting fresh with no money, nowhere to live and not knowing anyone — yet managing to be alive and well, with a daughter who is in perfect shape.

The power of women.

“I’m sorry.” Are the only words that left your mouth, kicking your heels off in the midst of your walk before stopping in front of Rika, raising your arms to her shoulders and resting on your chin on her bone. “My mother thought you were a trooper. She loved telling me stories about you. You’re like a folklore.”

She returns the hug, giving you a small squeeze. “Am I?” There’s a slight shake in her voice, but she quickly covered it up with a laugh. “I’d rather the attention be on my princess. She’s what kept me going.” She hasn’t hugged anyone other than her daughter, nor has anyone felt sympathetic enough to acknowledge what she had been through. All of this hits Rika like a truck and she’s fighting back the urge to scream up the past twenty something years.

“Thank you.” Rika whispers.

She knows her daughter is good hands — protected by many people now. She knows she’s protected, too. She’s happy now.

The door clicks as it closes, resting backwards against the wood. You sighed softly, bending down to place your heels next to the door, hearing the bathroom door in front of you open.

“How’d it go?” Gojo asks from inside the bathroom, tossing his towel out and onto the floor.

The towel lands slightly ahead of you, rolling your eyes and walking forward to grab it. “Went okay. We had some wine and talked for a bit, she got tired and I let her sleep in my room.”

“I would be too if I were her,” His voice grows closer, alerting you that he’d be in front of you once you stood up. “I mean, it’s weird, right? I wonder why she came back.”

After folding the towel, you held it to your chest and looked ahead of you. All the breath in your lungs halted, stopping you from answering his questions or even responding.

There Gojo Satoru stood — in almost all of his glory. You’d never seen him like this… this close up. The black muscle shirts he wore around the house definitely didn’t give him this much justice; you can see every ripple, scar and crease on his body and it’s absolutely fantasizing. Natural contour and highlight on his skin — you’re almost folding at the sight.

“Uh…” Your voice is a little shaky, you’re so caught up in trying to pretend you’re not warming up from seeing his bare chest. “Yeah. Me too. It’s… weird.”

Gojo looks up from his hands, catching the stutter and sudden shift in your demeanor. He’s got an eyebrow cocked in confusion until it drops and he’s smirking right down at you. This is cute. He’s never seen you like this and now he’s addicted to it.

Speechless, timid and borderline submissive.

“Got somethin’ on your chin there,” His abrupt words cause you to blink hard, forcing your eyes back up go his face. You’re hot — you’re sure that you’re visibly burning up as well. Gojo takes a step forward, causing you to shuffle in spot and he’s enjoying it. “It’s not polite to stare, you know that.”

You’re trying your damn hardest to think of something witty, but your brain isn’t working. If anything, it’s clouded, and you’re not sure what to say without stuttering.

“I just… I noticed some of those scars on your chest and I wanted t-to, uh… just look at them.”

Verrrry convincing.

“You can touch ‘em, sweetheart.”

And so you obliged, reluctantly. Hesitant movements until your bare palm was against your husband’s skin, raising and lowering the stroke to feel every inch of him. There’s a soft shudder under his breath, specifically whenever your fingers brush against newer marks.

All in all, it’s intimate. He’s biting back the urge to grab you by the shoulders and you’re not too far off from begging for it.

Plus, you’ve only got a week. Right?

“Mark your calendars, request time off, set a reminder, and grab your popcorn — watch the Shio Clan’s Generational fight next week, here in this very room.”

Did you want to die being a virgin? Getting married and completing staying celibate, never being able to tell stories to the Shio women up in… whatever heaven was real. They’d talk your head off and call you a disgrace for not trying something so… sexy.

You can just see it now…

(“We saw you down there, married to that hunk of man. Gojo Satoru, right? How was the sex? Oh.. you didn’t have sex? Kiss him at all? No?! What—”)

The thought of going out without at least knowing if he’s a good kisser is making the hair on your arms stand. Maybe it was the wine? You felt like some horny teenager from the movies you watched.

“Would you touch me like this?” You transitioned to dragging a finger down his chest, digging your nail gently over his belly button and following his happy trail.

Right above his boxers.

Gojo pulls his eyebrows together. Is he dreaming? Is his ears playing tricks on him because he’s been wishing to touch you — praying for a moment like this with you? It’s gotta be a dream.

“You want me to touch you?”

Without thinking twice, your hands reached to the zipper behind you. The noise of it unzipping completely catches Gojo’s attention.

Now it’s Gojo’s turn to goggle. He’s gazing at every inch of your body being exposed as the dress fell further and further, and all of a sudden — it’s harder for him to breathe in. Until the fabric pooled at your feet, he’s blinking a lot slower, not wanting to miss a single second.

Normally you’d be extremely self conscious, bare as a stripper for a man you just previously despised. But something about your husband drinking you in like a bottle on the rocks is making your stomach do flips.

And it’s cartwheeling down to your core.

“It’s…” You began, taking a small step forward. “Not polite to stare, Satoru.”

Your husband chuckles, though his voice sounds a bit lower. Even once his eyes raised from your figure to your very own irises, they were way more hooded than before. He’s drinking you up and not missing a damn drop.

One deep breath, Gojo takes the advantage to close the gap between you both. He leans down just slightly, hovering over your height. He’s looking at you like you’re vulnerable, like he’s got the upmost control of you. And at this moment… you swear he does.

The tension is cutting the air with a butcher knife, absolutely murdering it to the point you both don’t know how to breathe anymore. Basic human actions have become tantalizing and you’d both rather drink each other up.

“I can have this thing off in seconds,” Gojo hooks his finger under your bra, tugging you forward by just the slightest. Watching you trip forward, following his moves, even the bounce of your breasts almost had him rolling his eyes back. “Just need to hear you say it, pretty.”

You don’t realize how pathetic or how fast you nodded your head, practically pleading with your eyes, but once Gojo heard those four words leave your tainted lips, he couldn’t help but oblige.

“Please, take it off,” You whisper, batting your mascara coated eyelashes up to the man before you. “Take it all off.”

And what man would Gojo Satoru be if he didn’t keep his word, especially when you asked so politely. Within those last few seconds, your husband closes the gap between you both by pressing his lips against yours. It wasn’t rough, wasn’t forced or rushed — nothing like the kiss you both shared at your wedding.

It wasn’t a goodbye kiss, it was a welcoming kiss. He wasn’t kissing you as if this was your last week on earth, he kissed you as if this was the first day of the rest of your life.

It was intoxicating and addictive, something you never wanted to end.

Once you wrapped your arms around the nape of Gojo’s neck, he reaches down to grab the back of your thighs, lifting you up to his height. Your legs wrapped around his abdomen, securing you around him.

He’s got one hand propped under your ass, holding you up while his other closes the bathroom door behind him, locking it right after.

Whaaaats goin on?

Times moving faster now that you’re having fun, that’s always been something you noticed as a child. Even in this moment, when your husband has you sat on the marble of his bathroom’s countertop, popping your bra off with just one hand, exposing your perky nipples to the brisk air around you, time is moving fast.

His soft, pink lips wrapped around your nipple, sucking and gently tugging at it with the sloppiest and nastiest ‘pop!’ you’ve ever heard — time is moving fast.

Gojo settling onto his knees, two skilled and slender fingers pulling your panties down your thighs, your calves, and then unhooking them from your feet. He’s pushing your legs apart, visibly and audibly falling apart at the sight alone of your glistening, pretty pussy. He swears he saw the light shine off of just how wet you were.

“Fuck..” He whispers, hooking one of your legs over his shoulder. “This okay? I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

You nod,. You’d be damn to admit it, but something about this approval for consent was… sexy. As if he wants you as bad as you want him. Gojo’s asking you for permission.

“Please do something.” Being so bare and vulnerable, all for the man you hated just months ago, had your back arching in attempts to feel something. Anything.

Now you’re begging? Anything else and he might as well bust in his fresh pair of underwear. Gojo promises he’d be gentle… but all he wants to do is shove his face right between your legs and eat you out like it’s the last thing he’d ever do.

Like it’s the last thing he’d ever taste.

He starts slow, licking from your entrance to that little bud that has you twitching, giving it special attention with extra kisses and tugs from his lips. You’re moaning softly, weary of the guest that had been on the other side of the house — nonetheless — you wanted to prevent waking her up and facing your trenched reality.

Your head tilts back, pooring your posture with the slightest buck of your hips. The way your lips press together, fighting back all the noise that threatened to spill from them, it told your husband everything he needed to know.

He was making you feel good.

His tongue flicked at your sensitive bud faster, and his two skillful fingers plunged in and out of your soaking sex, causing wet noises to echo in the halls of Gojo’s bathroom. It sounded absolutely pornogrophic, something straight off the web. This is every man’s dream.

“Taste amazing, baby.” Gojo mumbles under you, tongue out and flat on your pussy. He’s curling his tongue ever so often, catching your eyes and simply grinning at that expression you have.

The look and the smile was just too much for you. He’s clear of the affect he has on you, he’s bathing in it.

Gojo’s forgotten to control himself and now he’s slurping and sucking, licking and lapping up everything you have to offer. Like he’s a dog. The warm feeling between your legs began to grow out to your thighs and your lower stomach, and the better it felt, the more you wanted to push your husband from between your legs.

Gojo doesn’t seem to let up soon. He’s blowing bubbles with his spit on your clit and using his tongue to spread it around. How slutty would it be to cum for the first time … ever … on your husbands face?

“Mmmf — Satoru…” It was a warning call. Your significantly smaller hand reached forward to grab at his soft, milky white and wet hair. The smallest tug got a noise out of him, snapping him out of his completely pussy drunken state of mind and back up to you. “Think ‘m…,” You chuckle breathlessly. “think I’m about to...”

He chuckles between your legs, pulling away for the slightest second and smiling his pearlies right up at you — with a wet smile. “Give it t’me,” Dipping his head between your legs again, aiming straight for your clit. “Make a fucking mess, sweetheart.”

And like the perfect wife that you are, or tend to be, you give his roots one more tug before using your other to grip beside you, mumbling out a string of praises to the God’s above you, before you, and even the one between your legs. Spasming with Gojo’s head between your legs, that warm feeling snapping out of your stomach and crashing over you like a category four hurricane.

Satoru assists you, rubbing your clit with the fat of his tongue all the while fucking his fingers in and out of you, bettering your high. Slowing his movements once your body began to come down; making it all more pleasurable for you.

There’s no way that just happened.

“Fuck…”

“Damn right.” Gojo chuckles, blowing soft air against your swollen and sensitive pussy. He used his thumb to clean his mouth, popping it in and licking the etcetera from the pad of his finger.

He’s up on his feet, still watching you recover from the only yet best orgasm you’ve ever had in your life. Another quick laugh before he steps forward and cups your soft jaw into his hands.

“That feel good?” He asks, more out of curiosity rather than a boost to his ego.

It was nice seeing him like that. Domestic. Vulnerable. He’s always on his toes and doesn’t ever let anyone in — so this… this was nice.

All you do in return was nod and smile, tossing your arms over his shoulders once more and burying your head into his chest. “Mhm.”

“Let’s go shower then.”

“Up and atom!”

A bold voice, one that wasn’t your husbands, woke you up from your sleep. You stirred lightly, peeking one of your eyes open to not only see one person — but several people standing in your husband’s bedroom.

You remember falling asleep with Gojo resting on your back and your head under the pillow, and now that you’ve reached your arm to locate him; he’s not next to you anymore.

“Where…”

“Mornin’ angel.” There’s that familiar voice. That voice that’s given you comfort and a sense of safety.

Oddly enough, you were okay with it.

You huffed, pushing up from the bed to turn and identify whoever had been in this bedroom so early. It was half the damn school, you could say.

“Time to get up, Y/N!” Panda smiles, two fists sturdy on his hips. “We heard you have a week to experience some fun, so we’re gonna spend the next seven days together!”

Seven days?!

You jump up, completely facing the people in the room. Nanami and Gojo are in the corner, small smiles on their face — this is obviously something they planned… while the students were standing around your bed.

Megumi, Panda, Inumaki and Maki — even the two new students that’s working with Gojo; Itadori and Nobara.

You rub your eyes, brushing your hair behind your ears. “Thanks, guys, but you don’t have to waste a week on me.”

Maki gasp, Inumaki also adding a head shake at your response.

“We’re not wasting a week, Shio—sensei,” Megumi sits on the foot of the bed, sending you a soft look. “Everyone cares about you. We want to make sure you have a nice week.”

Nobara and Itadori share a look. They’ve never seen Megumi act so caring, even if he expressed it with a straight face.

You only had small interactions with Megumi, but considering he didn’t have much family left, everything you did within the span of knowing him meant a lot.

Even if it was bringing him lunch, scolding Gojo for him, helping him inside or outside of school. The small things built up and he can’t imagine seeing anything happen to you.

“Yeah,” Maki is trying to contain her excitement. She’s got her hands behind her back, fighting a smile. “Plus, we’re gonna incorporate fighting into the stuff we’re doing! Building muscles while creating memories.”

This is odd to you, foreign even. You’ve never had someone care about you, cared if you lived or died — and now these people want to give you a week to remember, encouraging you to spend your possibly last week alive wisely, with them, while having as much fun as possible.

You look over to Gojo, who’s got this smile on his face, one that hasn’t budged since he’s seen you wake up in his shirt; and then back to the kids. This is what it feels like to be wanted. Not just by your mother, but by everyone.

Now you’ve got to fight back tears. You haven’t cried since the death of your mother, and the overwhelming feeling of actively being appreciated by people is starting to jab at you.

No crying. Not yet.

You answered all the kids questions, settled all their anxiety and calmed their nerves with a smile. That bright, beaming smile that your mother loved and the one your husband is falling in love with. The smile everyone recognizes; the smile that pops into people’s head when your name is mentioned.

“Thank you guys,” You sit straight up on the bed. “I appreciate it. Let’s have the best week ever, okay?”

All the students smiled and nodded in unison.

“So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

Itadori smiles and throws a fist into the air, “Baseball!” He’s ecstatic, and you could make a wild guess that this was his idea. “That’s okay, right?”

You laugh, reinsuring Itadori once more. “I love baseball, and I’m kinda good at it,” You share a smile with the boy, hearing different reactions at the new information about the sport. “How about after, we come back and have a sleepover?”

That gets another rise. Everyone looks excited, partially for Megumi (he hates sleeping around Itadori) but aside from his little pout, the rest of the students agree to having a night over their teachers house.

Nanami pushes off the wall, clapping his hands together to gather the kids attention. “Okay, let’s give Shio some time to get ready. You all can help me load the bus back up.”

Following instructions, everyone except Gojo trotted out of the room, shutting the door behind them. Now it was silent and homey, resulting in your husband walking over to you with a small grin.

He crawls onto the end of the bed, sitting back on his legs in front of you. “Hi.” One word with his gentle smile and you’re grinning back.

“Hi.” You respond, reaching forward to grab his hands. You fiddled with them nervously, twirling his wedding ring around his finger. “Did you do all of this?”

“Not all. I told them your big fight was next week and they came up with all the ideas, I just found a way to make it all happen.”

You pushed your bottom lip out, climbing up from the duvet to his height, tossing your arms around his neck. This was a feeling Gojo could get used to, one he wanted to feel every moment and every second of his life. He wraps his arms around your waist and snuggles you back.

“Thank you, ‘Toru.”

He grins once more, giving your body a small squeeze. “Don’t thank me yet.”

A baseball game without your brother intervening? Sounds like a plan to you.

There were two separate teams; Your team and Gojo’s. A friendly fire between the couple who had an arranged marriage but is now starting to fall for one another — doesn’t sound scary at all.

You’d assume they’d take baseball seriously, like there was a grand prize at the end, but they weren’t. Everyone was having a good time, playing for experience and to grow, and thankfully there was no jujutsu power allowed.

The entirety of this game you’d been… laughing.

Smiling and laughing at the antics of the children you were working with. Giggling with the other teachers when Gojo grew red over the fact that his team was losing. Even moments like this where a fight needed to be broken up.

“Hold on!” Nobara shoves her hat onto the ground, pointing to the girl in front of her as she made her way over.

Nobara likes a fair game, what she didn’t like was Mai bringing a pitch machine to protect her fresh manicure. Itadori and Panda are the first to get up, walking over to catch Nobara before she gets to Mai. “Kugisaki’s snapped!” They warned. “It’s a free-for-all!”

Considering she was on your team, you followed behind the other students to calm the issue as the adult that you were.

“Alright,” You walk between both girls, facing Nobara to quickly calm her. “You’re a good batter. You can hit these even without machine, let’s just try it, okay?”

Nobara sends another threatening look to Mai before huffing and turning around to walk away. You chase after her, bending down to whisper one more thing into her ear.

“Bet she sucks anyway.” You cup your hands around your mouth so no one else hears what you said but Nobara.

And the game continued peacefully. The pitching machine was ditched after being beaten up by someone (Nobara ‘accidentally’ hit the ball into) and everything was now going fairly.

The energy overall felt like a highschool game, it was fun, quick and a bunch of dirty talk had been spit from one team to the other. Granted, it wasn’t anything harmful. Aside from another student getting swatted upside the head with a ball, the experience was great to you!

And once the sun began to set, everyone declared the game over.

All except one.

“Last bat,” Gojo walks up to you, flipping the bat so that the handle faced you. “I’ll pitch.”

You perused your lips, accepting the bat from him. You’ve never batted in front of anyone, only your mother, considering your brother would always swoop in and take the attention.

It was like you were a child again.

“Okay!” You smile, jumping up once before making your way over to the correct base.

“You got this, Shio-sensei!”

“Beat Gojo-sensei!”

You chuckled under your breath, spreading both legs and tapping the bat onto the home plate. Gojo sends you a look, asking if you’re ready, and you respond with a nod and the prettiest smile he’s ever seen.

The dim of the sky kissing your skin, the smile he’s seen all day is becoming a drug to him and as each second passed, he watched you grow more and more happy. More excited.

That’s until he raises his arm and leg, ready to pitch, and he see’s your face drop. A mix of fear, shock and confusion decorates your face and he no longer sees his happy wife, he doesn’t see a carefree woman bandaging her inner child anymore —

he sees twelve year old you.

He sees the child who’s spotlight got taken from her.

By her bastard of a brother.

Gojo drops the ball and quickly flips his infinity back on. He doesn’t turn around, he knows he’s safe, and he keeps his eyes on you and the students to assure your safety as well.

“Ryou.” Is all your husband says, crossing his arms over his chest. He won’t give him the satisfaction of a look, he’s got more important things on his mind right now.

Your brother laughs behind him, taking a small step beside him. He’s only got his eye on the prize; you. “Hey there, brother-in-law,” Ryou shoves his hands into his pockets. “Think I got her good, huh? Did’ya see her face? She went all…” He mimics your reaction, dramatically frowning and pretending to claw his eyes out.

“Who is that?” You hear one of the students whisper, and then you’re suddenly snapped back into reality.

You sniffle, wiping your sweaty palms on your jeans. You’d be stupid to turn your back, but your brother would be much more of an idiot to try to attack you when you’re not looking and your husband’s right beside him.

You turn to face the students, squatting down to catch their attention and block your brother from their view. “He’s not important, okay?” You ask, which they all nodded in return. “He’s a dangerous guy, so Gojo’s going to take you all back inside and then we can get home in time for the sleepover, right?”

You asked Rika to set up the sleepover and pick out some snacks for everyone. You even offered her to invite her daughter since she and the students were around the same age — that way if they decide to stay, she’d have a few friends.

Now, the only plan was to make it home.

Once you pushed up from your feet, you began to make way to your husband. What a fearful sight to see and an awful predicament to be in. You could be killed at any second if it was up to Ryou.

“Go.”

One word that held so much power. You stood just a few steps from your husband, you knew if you got too close that he’d be a superhero.

But this isn’t his battle to fight.

He doesn’t budge whatsoever, he looks at you like you’re playing a joke and even dazzles a smile at you, proving his point further.

He’s not going anywhere without you.

“I mean it, Satoru,” You couldn’t say too much, not without giving away too much information and endangering multiple lives. “Please… let me handle this.”

Now he’s reading you. Gojo frowns his eyebrows before beginning his path to the students. He stops besides you, making sure too keep his eyes on the kids in front of him while you kept track of your brother.

“You don’t die today.”

You couldn’t help but smile slowly, “Yes sir.”

The crucial next seconds of silence could’ve been your cause of death, but once the gate to the kids shut closed and you knew the people you loved and cared for were behind protection.

You didn’t hesitate.

You reached your arm back, looking over to the gate once more and starting a fire at it. It wasn’t too big that they couldn’t see, but it was big enough to risk a good third degree burn if they’d try to escape.

“Oo, where’d you learn that?”

Now your eyes are on your brothers, orbs battling for dominance. “Easy,” You’re stalling for the right moment, now starting to pace around your brother, keeping a large distance between you two. “But, I’m sure it comes naturally to you. You don’t even need to try, huh?”

Ryou chuckles. “You’ve gotten smarter too.” He’s starting to pick up on the pacing, and part of him is nervous. He’s never seen such a side from you, you’ve always been obedient, never one to pick a fight.

What was going on today?

Ryou meets you half way and bumps into you, ruining your pattern of a circle, grabbing your shirt to keep you still.

“What’s this?” He asks, practically snarling at you. That cocky, annoying smile never dropping from his lips. “Trying to show off for your husband and a few amateur sorcerers? You can do better.”

You’re way to nervous to physically harm this man, that could go left and you’d be injured before the big fight. Possibly killed. So you opt for your power, pushing a hand forward, manipulating the air around you to ball up and shove into his stomach, sending him tumbling.

You took a few steps back, enough space to look up and check the moon shining down at you. You’re not mentally ready to brawl with your brother. You’re not ready to die yet.

“Ryou…” You began. Instant regret.

He straightens himself back up before making his way over to you, a grin on his lips. “Shouldn’t have done that, cheeky.”

And before you know it, the same method is returned to you, except the pain is tripled and you’re being sent back flying, your back slamming against the gravel on the ground.

You could feel each piece of gravel, rock and grain of sand pierce your skin. The wind was knocked from your lungs to your head, blacking your vision for a second.

“Shio-Sensei!” You hear one of the students cry out.

Something about hearing someone call for you… strangely made you want to get back up. When your brothers around, no one roots for you. No one cares about you — or even notices you. Not when the Star of Africa is near.

But right now… at this moment… they’re rooting for you. Everyone behind that stray of fire, blocked by a gate, watching two siblings fight one another.

They’re calling for you. They’re supporting you.

“Shio-Sensei, please!”

The sound of cracking fire protecting those innocent kids — along with the calls for your name. You’re up. You’re on your feet. This adrenaline was perfect.

“That…” You began, brushing your hands on your clothes and cleaning yourself from the dust. “Was weak.”

Another boost: the face your brother makes when he’s bitched at for the first time. He realizes that no one’s on his side here… his daddy isn’t here to boost him either… he’s alone now.

He’s in your shoes.

“What did you say to me?” Ryou’s fuming, you can smell it. From the smoke coming out of his ears to the ground he’s shaking under him. Pure, firey, rage.

In return, all you can do is smile endearingly and stretch your arm out beside you, hands empty. “I said that was,” For a split second, you only had one chance to prove yourself. You ignored your consciousness and the energy around you. Within seconds, your mind flatlines and there’s a ringing in your ear for a millisecond.

For just a quick second, earth around you had disappeared.

Then reappeared.

After the quick moment of focus, you look over to your stretched out arm — and in your hand is a sword. Hah, take that Nanami. Manipulating space isn’t as hard as it sounds.

Not giving a moment for Ryou to blink, your swinging your armed hand towards your brother — tossing the sword over to catch in your other hand and switch positions before he could retaliate.

“Weak.” You finish, huffing a breath.

Your students are behind the cage jumping and clapping, watching their teacher in action — amazed at what they see. Your husband on the other hand is trembling in his shoes.

He could easily get past the fire, and his plan was to intervene when need be. He knows you can handle your own and defend yourself — but he also knows that you’re fighting off of rage right now, and your movements and thinking process is sloppy and clouded.

He doesn’t want to step in too late, but he also doesn’t want to jump to the rescue and portray you as weak.

Ryou on the other hand takes a small step back. His phone begins ringing in his basketball shorts, and he’s quick to grab the device and answer it.

And as he listens to the recipient speak, he looks down at his chest. He couldn’t ignore the oozing feeling in his chest. His skin grew hotter by the second, and the dust particles kissed his wounds as the wind blew them around.

One massive slash across his chest. The blade was so sharp that it cut past his clothes and skin, resulting in a pretty bad leak. He’s shocked with himself for missing such a lousy attack — more so, his sister was the one to do it.

No words were exchanged for the twelve second call. Ryou simply ends the call and returns his phone into his pocket. Raises his gaze from the gash to your eyes and lets out a chuckle. A bitter yet cocky laugh. As if he was still laughing at you.

“You know,” Your brother looks up to the sky, the waning gibbous shining above. “I think we’ll plan your funeral a little more organized than mom’s.”

Weak. It doesn’t really affect you, Ryou’s never been ‘momma’s boy’. More of a spoiled brat. The anger he wanted out of you wasn’t granted, it made you yawn. You just insulted your brother, twice, and gave him a remarkable wound on his chest… and he’s not fighting back.

He’s stalling.

“Not on your game today?” You’re focusing your energy into your arm, manipulating the air around you to forcefully stick your sword onto the ground. “It’s mediocre, everything you’re saying. How’s that gash, though?”

“I can barely feel it.” Ryou’s quick to respond, “Just thought you’d want to know. You’d have the best funeral out of the three, I’m sure of it.”

Three? You try your hardest not to visibly be confused, but your brother already see’s you doing the math in your head. One, your mother. Metaphorically, two would be you.

There wouldn’t be a third.

Maybe your brothers sick. He’s been talking out of the ass for the past few minuets and keeping up with him is slightly throwing you off your game. He’s absolutely stalling.

“Three? Can you even co—” Oh. “Count…” All of the green of envy and revenge on your face had melted, returning you back to your normal state. Afraid and scared.

“G—…” You’re stumbling backwards, still keeping an eye on your brother. “Gojo!!”

As soon as he saw your state change, he was itching to get across the gate. All he needed to hear was your voice. Your plea. In seconds he’s by your side, turning you to face him. You’re not afraid of Ryou sneaking up, you’re not afraid of anyone’s safety with your husband being here.

Except Rika.

“I need… we need to go home, now.” Your panicking, your hands have began trembling and the nerves in your body are shot.

Gojo’s looking at you, trying to read whatever you’re trying to get at, but he’s just as confused as you were earlier. Without even moving his head, your husband can just feel the devious smile on Ryou’s face. This is the reaction he wanted out of you, it’s what he wanted to see with his own eyes — live!

“What’s going on?” Gojo asks.

“…Rika.”

💭:  @96jnie  @creolequeen11210  @patchi-chi @chieeeeeee @shadowarchon @willowsversion  @regalillegal @rahhhhhrs @luckimoon @chuurroo @xiaosie @gh0stwish @ayatoru @zohraaa123 @dazailover1900 @catoru-gojo @justwinterlights  @lightblueexorcist t  @nakachuchu @96jnie @emissaire @vernasce-blogs @oi-loverboy oy @holeyahsama  @vynlover27 @mnoaeiu @ginger0322 2 @prettyroxy @softiebadbitch @planetmarz @sugurugetosbitch @reiners-milkbiddies @bebetiny @tojisprincess @coquettemaiden @lovemarvel16 @shuxjodie @sssatorus @chosos-mascara @purpleguk @jeneate101

[grae-98]

Treatment

Chapter 7

Set between 1880-1890, You have been feeling and acting off. After visiting the doctor's he sends you off to stay in Pelican Town where you are set to receive treatment for your condition. Upon arrival you learn the doctor administering these treatments is better than you think.

Harvey/ unnamed afab!reader

2nd pov

about 3.5k

trigger warnings: reader is diagnosed with hysteria, mentions of depression, cheating/ adultery, doctor/ patient relationship, mentions of infertility

smut tags: Again no smut

notes: i do have this posted on ao3 if you'd prefer to read it there.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Hours after returning to your home you are left with your thoughts. Lying in the once truly comforting sheets your mind felt fridged. The evening felt as though it had lasted a lifetime, causing you to retire early to your bed. Haley gave you a look of knowing as if she felt your pain and sadness, but you would think that it may be concerning the variety of information presented before you just today. Before she had left for the night to return to her own home, she asked you once again if you would be truly okay once she had left.

 You look through the darkness to find the swirling grey fuzz filling your vision. You consider every option. There is to go home and act as though nothing has changed. Yes, you knew of the adultery of your husband; however, that was your husband, and you were obligated to do everything in your power to make things right with him. A second option is to stay here. Be here in Pelican Town. Be happy for a time. Feel completely happy for once since you were a child. Apologize to Harvey and admit that you were acting irrationally and beseech his forgiveness.

‘Why on this Earth would I beg him for forgiveness? He has done wrong to me, and I should feel no way indebted to him.’  

Raging thoughts attempting to be shifted to the sides you lift your hand from beneath your comforter. Tracing shapes within the muddled haze as though it might help you fill out an answer. Suddenly an idea comes upon you however you must rest now and dwell on it come tomorrow.

Forcing your thoughts to rest along with you proved to be more evil than anticipated. Crusted eyes pulled open suddenly as Haley pulled open your curtains. Groaning you motion to her to close them ever so slightly.

“What time is it?” You shift so you’re sitting up un the bed.

“8 o’clock ma’am. Usual time I wake you upon request.” Haley turns her body as to face you.

“Yes, Haley, good. I have not slept this poorly in many months.”

“Does it have anything to do with that has happened yesterday?”

“It has most everything to do with yesterday.”

“Yes, but I am to understand that you asked Robin to arrive early today to join you for a luncheon. Do you still want that?”

Groaning once more, “Yes, I suppose I did ask Robin for lunch, didn’t I?”

“No, actually you hadn’t. I just know you well enough that you would prefer Robin’s company for a lunch rather than dinner.”

“How could you have possibly guessed that?”

“I have been working for you for nearly a year now ma’am. I would like to believe that we know each other well by now.”

“Very good Haley, I am impressed. I like that you will think of me in such a sense as to know the best times to invite my guests. You have truly proven yourself as a lady’s maid. I thought I it was going to be a risk taking you on, but you have proved me very wrong and I am pleased to say that I am delighted for it.”

“Oh. Please do not believe that I have taken it upon myself to know when you should like to receive your visitors.” You laugh as she’s seemed to miss the compliment entirely.

“Haley it is not so deep as to be worried. I was making a point that sometimes you seem to know me better than I seem to know myself.” You stand from the bed and shiver from the coolness of your room. “Shall you get me dressed? I am in no mood for breakfast this morning.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

_

By 1 o’clock the day had pushed itself far enough to see a visit from Robin. She looks pleased to see you as she enters. Her red hair tied simply above her head shows that she had her daughter help her with her hair. The dress she wore looked as though she had only worn it to come here and impress you. As you scan the length of her dress, she seems anxious.

“Robin, how wonderful is it to finally see you and looking so wonderful at that!”

“Thank you, it has been too long since we have spent any time together. How have you been?” You smile as you walk her towards the drawing room with you. She leans in closer to speak in a hushed voice.

“How is your relationship with our fair doctor?” Robin asks as she removes her gloves to seat herself on the all too familiar couch.

You can hardly mask the look on your face as it twists with disgust before settling into a plain face. Taking the seat across from her, your mouth opens and closes twice before finally gritting the words through partially angered teeth.

“Robin, I do not wish to speak about him at this very moment. He and I are no longer.”

She looks at you tentatively before asking her question. “Do you mean to say that you are no longer receiving the treatments then?”

Giving a long sigh before looking down to your hands and then back to Robin. You look to her face and see that there is mild fascination twinged with worry. Her eyebrows partially pushed together while she waits for your response.

“That is correct. I am not and I will tell you about it soon. I need your advice on something else.” After you speak this one of the men you hear approach the room. Holding your hand up to Robin to signal a pause. You watch as the man comes and sets down the try before you thank him and resume the conversation.

“And what might that be?” She asks after settling back on the back rest.

Taking a longer pause you stare empty minded to the window. Eyes looking between the snow-covered pine to the colorless skies. “I am going to leave Pelican Town.”

“Ah…” She looks down to her cup sadly. “I see.”

“It is not a decision I have made lightly. After the knowledge that I have come to know I feel that it may be my only option. Part of the reason I have asked for you to see me today is that I seek your advice on bringing Haley along with me.”

“You wish to bring Haley?”

“Yes. I would like to think of us as nearly friends. She has more than proven herself quite the ladies’ maid.”

“Then I should congratulate you on finding such a person. What of her beau she had found herself?”

“I was hoping you could answer that for me. She had told me some time ago that she heard word that he was to propose to her ‘soon’, but that time has come and gone by weeks. You are far more in the know of what happens in the town itself.”

“Well…” She pauses and leans herself in to allow for a sense of secrecy, “I had heard that he might have thrown her over.”

“He hadn’t surely! When I went to town the day before yesterday she said that she was to visit him!”

“That is why I asked you. Thinking that she would have mentioned something to you, with you keeping her in your employ.”

“I should have like to think so but perhaps you and I have been deceived in her willingness to share her details, especially when it is in regard to this sort of matter.”

“I should say then for you to speak with her on this before you decide that you are to take her away to the city. Where are you set to go?”

“Another topic you have broached much too early into your visit. I was going to have us dine before getting to that.”

“Please, you must allow us to put this business first so we may dine in peace and minor contemplation.”

You laugh, “Yes, I suppose we must. I was to ask you to send a telegram to Mister Acunin for me. I do not wish to go into town, lest I run into Doctor Sullivan.”

“My, his title now. Things really must have taken a turn. I can make a trip out to town after I am completed with my duties tomorrow. What is it that you would like me to send?”

“I wish to ask for some sort of refuge. I must leave this town and I will not let myself go back to my husband.”

“Why? What has happened with your husband and the doctor that you must refuse the both of them?”

“I will make a terribly complicated matter as simple as I can.” Robin leans forward again as you speak much more hushed than previously.

“My husband has known that my treatment is completed and has found himself in business with a whorehouse. The doctor was complicit in my husbands’ doings and refused to me access to my medical information. To put it plainly.”

“I don’t even know what to say to that. Goodness, I couldn’t even imagine what you might be going through. Who else knows of this?”

“Aside from you?” You heave another sigh after taking a drink from your cup. “Doctor Sullivan, clearly, and Haley. Haley is the one who found the telegrams from the doctor to my husband that detailed my course of treatment. I would imagine that the Western Union operator knows just from the telegrams alone. Is that Pam who is employed there?”

“Yes, Pam is the one who works the telegraph in town. I will talk to her tomorrow to see what she may know if you would like for me to?”

“I would be grateful if you had. Robin, you are truly sent from the stars. I could never thank you enough for all that you have done for me since I’ve come to stay here. I should really ask for your servicing to this cottage for more additions. As a thank you I mean.”

Robin laughs. Reaching her arm across the table to settle her hand on yours. The warmth from her palm sinks into the top your hand. Looking to her face once more you look for any easily read emotion only to find she looks serious.

“You are my friend, and I am happy to help you in any way that you may need. No thanks nor are you at all inclined to feel indebted to me.”

“You are far too kind to me.”

“And at this very moment you are deserving of it.”

_

The lunch with Robin ends quicker than you would have liked. She links her now gloved hand in yours before she bids you farewell. Watching as she leaps onto her horse with such ease before setting off. You watch Robin through the window until you can no longer see her and all are left are fresh horse tracks in the snow. As you turn from the window you see the tea platter still set on the table. Letting out a defeated sigh you make your way to bring it to the kitchen yourself.

 The afternoon sets smoothly as usual. After the minor cleaning from the drawing room, you find yourself in your room to write in your diary. Usually, an evening activity but the thoughts racing through your mind warrant an entry. After speaking with Robin, you must find a way to get to Boston without your husband knowing you are back in the city. Scanning the script from last night’s entry and feeling the same fresh wound stab once more. The feeling of betrayal sits heavily on your stomach causing more bile to sit in your throat. Choking in a sharp breath you think of the possibilities.

Leaving the men here is optimally the best you can think of. They can’t go back to the big house because that will be a give-away that you are no longer in Pelican Town. Letting them leave could cause them trouble in one way or another and you don’t feel right to just fire them because you had decided to leave. Getting the train ticket will prove easy enough seeing as there is not really any reason for the purchase to get back to your husband. You worry the possibility of him keeping his eye on your from afar. That he has sent word for the ticket master to keep a watchful eye for you and send him word should you leave the town.

Being in Boston will be a whole separate issue once you arrive. Praying that the lawyer will aid you in your struggle is the main thing you are focused on. The voice in your mind speaks to itself as you worry.

But once arriving in the city what will I do? I have money, yes. I have forced this issue faster than Mr. Acunin or his associate might have planned for. I don’t even know how long divorce proceedings take! For god’s sake, get your act together before you give yourself an ulcer!

“Ma’am?” Haleys voice breaks you from your thoughts with a start. Gasping in shock and sitting straight against your writing desk, pen falling to the pages below.

“Yes? What is it? You frightened me terribly!”

“Apologies. I have no other way to say this but Doctor-�� You cut her off by standing suddenly. Chair scraping against the wooden floor.

“Send the doctor away I have no wish to speak to him.” Your tone turns from startled to irritated and angry in the fraction of a second. Haley wishing to be spared from your ire speaks with her hands in front of her.

“I tried that ma’am. He said that he knows that you are in and that he must speak with you.”

“Then tell him that I am sick or asleep or anything else that you can think of to keep him from my sight.”

“I said that you were asleep already.”

“And?”

“He said that he will wait and sat himself in the drawing room.”

“Surely he did.” Spitting your reply as you make haste towards the drawing room. Heavy footsteps clobber against the floorboards as you make your way down the stairs. Feet falling hard against the floor of the hall. As you approach the threshold your furious march ceases. You watch as the back of his head as he registers that it is you before making a sudden standing to whip in your direction.

You thought in this moment that you would be ferociously angry, bordering on violent. He pushed his way into your home after all that has happened. And yet when you look at him you see him. He is as miserable as you in this moment, his face shows it more than your own. His eyes were dark, and his hair messy as though he tried to piece himself together. Your anger melted into sadness upon seeing him. You felt as though the wooden floor you were standing upon was going to swallow you whole.

“Darling.” He speaks softly. Like his voice was trying to climb its way out of his throat but he forced it down.

You can hear Haley catch up behind you looking to her quickly as she gives you a tight-lipped smile. You willed your legs to move anywhere but where you were currently. The soles of your feet felt glued to the ground making you unable to move as you watch him take his first step towards you.

“Doctor Sullivan I am not receiving visitors at the moment. I am going to ask you to leave please.” You force your voice to be as even as possible. You had hoped it sounded harsh against his ears and prompted him to leave you.

“Please, I just need to explain to you what I was saying yesterday.” Harvey pleads to you as he walks closer to where you are standing. You watch each of his feet fall against the floor in a light pat as steps closer to you. Small steps as to not push any boarders.

“Will you let me speak with you? Privately.” Harvey continues his movement until he reaches only an arms distance, his eyes flicking to Haley then back to you. As you stare up at him chest heaving from the tightness of your dress mixed with the pace of which you arrived. You stopped breathing as he takes a final step forward. Harvey’s eyes meeting your own as he beseeches you.

“Please, my love, let me speak to you.” Haley gasps behind you and tugs the back of your dress. You pay her no mind as you continue to make eye contact with the doctor who now stands nearly brushing against you.

_

“My love? What does he mean by ‘my love’?” Haley rushes you into your room. Your shaking hands grip the post of your bed. You lungs are tight as you try to breathe.

“Get this thing off of me!” You yell as you begin to claw your dress in attempt to free you from the heavy winter wool. Haley comes to your aid attempting to loosen the ties of your bodice.

“Do not dodge me! What changed that he calls you my love?” Haley sounds angry as she speaks to you in a harsh voice.

“We both have our secrets Haley. Do not start with this. My heart is broken at the moment, and I do not wish for you to make it worse.” Your own voice come through as though it may as well been shaking with you.

“May I speak frankly, ma’am?” She stops tugging on you to let her hands fall to her side.

“For God’s sake I wish you would. Hurry and get this thing off of me!” She lifts her hands to your back once more.

“I’m trying, you need to stop moving!” She tugs at the ties a little more aggressively and pulls the last of the lacing free. “I need you to breathe!” She spins you towards her.

“Look at me.” Turning your head to meet her eye with her hand. “Did you fall in love with Harvey?”

You choke a sob upon seeing her face, “Yes.”

“Fool.”

“I beg your pardon?” The tears that were threating to fall dry within a single second.

“Tell me what happened.”

“I will tell me as soon as you tell me what happened with your gentleman.” Haley looks shocked as she falls silent.

“He said he doesn’t love me.”

“Oh Haley. I’m sorry.”

“No, do not apologize. I am 23 years old and I can handle myself with ease. I will be alright.”

“I do not apologize for that. I say sorry because I fear I have forced it from you when you were not ready to tell me.”

“I wasn’t. It happened the night we were in town. He said he was glad I was there and that he has something most important to tell me. So I came into his home and he informed me that our relationship could not continue. That is all I have to say about it as of now.”

“Haley.”

“Please. I do not want to hear you speak another apology.”

“That wasn’t what I was to say.”

“Then continue.”

“I want you to come with me to leave Pelican Town and go back to Boston.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Yes, and I want you by my side.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you will.”

“But my sister.”

“Emily is 30 years old. There should be no reason for you to stay here. She has a job just as you do and is fully capable.”

“I don’t think we’ve ever left each other before.”

“Go home and talk to your sister. Let me know your answer come tomorrow.”

“But what of the evening?”

“I think I can dress myself for one evening. Go, and I will see you in the morning.”

[lit-crits]

(1990) Good Omens, Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman. 06/06/2024 - 07/06/2024

First time reading? Yes

Rating: 7.5/10

Favourite quote: "if Bruce Springsteen had ever recorded Born To Lurk, these two would have been on the album cover"

Watched the TV show before I read the book so had images of the characters already in my head and couldn't imagine for myself how they looked, which was interesting. I think I would have thought of Crowley as similar to David Tennant anyway though, I wouldn't have imagined Aziraphale as similar to Michael Sheen but he does a great job in the show. Makes a LOT of sense to me that Crowley made Glasgow and Aziraphale Edinburgh, scruffy tough boyfriend vs posh pansy boyfriend - just feels right in my bones. I started counting the amount of times Aziraphale's 'manicured hands' were mentioned, hoping it would be a funny reoccurring thing throughout the book, but it only happened twice :( BUT the gay comments/jokes towards Aziraphale was actually a funny reoccurring thing, a few of my favourites are: Aziraphale having a "penchant for Wilde first editions", being described as "gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide", and the fact he is called a fucking FAGGOT and poofter. Crowley is obviously implied to be bi/gay when Anathema basically thinks "oh these two men are...yknow... and in love so I'm safe" when she gets in his car but it is nothing like Aziraphale's descriptions. The book had a lot of silly little things that I really enjoyed: Aziraphale eating a devilled egg made me chuckle, the biker guy with fish tattoo'd on one hand and chip on the other, Thou-Shalt-Not-Commit-Adultery Pulsifer - like just stupid things that are absolutely brilliant. I have mixed thoughts on the depictions of the Four Horsemen, War was kinda lame and I didn't think she was as cool a concept as the others, Famine was probably my favourite in terms of the concept, Pollution replacing Pestilence is so clever, and then Death was just an edgelord but I'm not sure how else you could write that kind of character. Pepper (aka Pippin Galadriel Moonchild) was one of my favourite characters, which is weird since she is supposed to be a sort of parallel to War who I didn't like. I really was not a fan of Newton Pulsifer and his whole thing with Anathema, he is definitely my least favourite character and it annoys me that she had to put up with his annoying ass. Also, the air base guard thinking that England had gone soft and smiling at the idea of Newton burning faggots was actually wild. Overall, very silly book that I enjoyed very much!

[transdimensional-void]

Who The Heck is Morgause?

i often wonder whether the “merlin (bbc)” writers ever actually had a fully fleshed-out back story for what happened 20 years ago or if they were just making it up as they went along.

one particular thing that really always confused me is WHO THE HECK IS MORGAUSE??? if we accept at face value her claim to be morgana’s half-sister, that raises so many more questions than it answers. 

we know morgana’s biological father was uther, but she grew up believing her father was gorlois. that implies that morgana’s mother was gorlois’s wife--otherwise, how would she end up believing he was her father? if morgause is morgana’s half-sister, the most logical assumption would be that she is the actual daughter of gorlois and his wife, i.e. that she and morgana share a mother but have different (biological) fathers.

except, if that’s the case then how does morgana not know who she is? morgana hasn’t been uther’s ward her entire life. she seems to have memories of her father, so she surely would have known if she had a sister?? and no one else in camelot seems to know who she is either, so it’s not likely she’s a high-ranking nobleman’s legitimate daughter.

so, it seems like there’s no way morgause could be the actual daughter of gorlois and his wife. so...is she gorlois’s bastard daughter? but in that case, she wouldn’t share either parent with morgana. which only leaves the option that she is the daughter of gorlois’s wife...but not gorlois himself. which means gorlois’s wife got pregnant with YET ANOTHER MAN who wasn’t her husband. and if morgause wasn’t raised as gorlois’s daughter, then either morgause was a secret love child his wife managed to hide from him somehow (from before they were married maybe?) or he was fully aware his wife had given birth to someone else’s kid and didn’t divorce said wife but simply shipped the kid off somewhere else. which would heavily imply that gorlois never knew morgana wasn’t his...which also makes you wonder how uther can be so sure that morgana IS his daughter...

the most plausible possibilities for morgause and morgana actually being biological half-sisters are:

1. gorlois took in uther’s bastard daughter and knowingly raised her as his own legitimate daughter without her being either his or his wife’s child (aka, gorlois was uther’s bro-est of bros). maybe in this scenario gorlois and his wife couldn’t have kids, so he was glad to have an heir however he could get one. thus, morgause is the daughter of morgana’s birth mother...whoever that was.

OR

2. gorlois’s wife REALLY got around for a medieval noblewoman, and maybe she didn’t die of natural causes but uhhhh was executed for adultery or something because otherwise???? her husband was just reaaaaaal cool about her infidelity? i guess? 

OR

3. morgause actually is gorlois and his wife’s daughter, but they hid her existence from the world for some reason. maybe they were super into the old religion and sent her off to the isle of the blessed to be raised as a priestess before morgana was born and then, like, disowned her when uther turned against magic???

i dunno, man. all of these possibilities seem to be a bit of a stretch, but what other conclusions can we draw?

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: The Counterfeit Scoundrel by Lorraine Heath

4/5. Releases 2/21/2023.

For when you're vibing with... Cat and mouse, historical romance with a feminist streak, heroes who deeply appreciate women, and a bit of food... play?

Here's where we get a fake rake. But like, it's all for a good cause. David Blackwood, AKA Bishop (because the guys in this series call themselves THE CHESSMEN, which I find DELIGHTFUL) is called upon by women of high society--not for real affairs, but for fake ones. A woman simply has to be seen giving him some well-timed visits, and his reputation (and ability to seem like the rogue) will do the rest. Accused of adultery by their husbands--with Bishop named in the divorce cases--these women are able to end their marriages as they like. He doesn't ask why, he doesn't charge a fee, he just does it because it's fucking hard to get a divorce in the Victorian era, and Bishop LIVES on Respect Women Juice. Also, tragic past. Naturally.

One of the supposed cucks has actually taken the initiative to hire a detective--and who is it, but Daisy, Bishop's apparent new maid. Bishop knows something is up with Daisy right off the bat, but he is somewhat distracted by how much he wants to fuck her (a strange thing for a man who is so in control, you know the type). And Daisy, while a very good detective, is somewhat distracted by how much she wants to fuck Bishop. So, a cat and mouse between two people who really wanna bone ensues, and don't we love that? We do.

Something about this book was really cozy and comforting to me, and I have no idea why. But that bodes well for a February release, and I'm glad I waited for it to cool down before I read it. Honestly, the comfort may just be in the fact that I love Lorraine Heath's writing, and her prose is so lovely, and it's just like... nice to read something by someone who clearly knows exactly what she's doing every step of the way. There was even a point where I kind of worried that Lorraine was going to do something that would come off as bad, but then nope, she addressed that shit.

I don't know if this is my favorite book of hers, but it's very good, and it's just a well done romance novel about two people who have their flaws but are fundamentally decent. And as someone who often likes to read about the trash-est of trash men, that can be a bit of challenge. But somehow, she just sells it. Lorraine can take fundamentally good people and put them in a situation where no one is really a true bad guy, and sell how much it sucks that circumstances are like this without making them come off as victims. That's talent.

Standout Points:

--Bishop really is a very feminist hero without the concept of "feminist hero" beating anyone over the head. He just likes women, wants to protect them, and has some good, old-fashioned mommy issues in the back of his head. He just seems like a really chill guy who can fuck hard, without necessarily losing his edge or his ability to do a Dumb Thing due to trauma.

--Daisy's journey with her family was really lovely. I think you'll see one plot point coming pretty much as soon as it's introduced, but that really isn't like... why it's there.

--Lorraine Heath keeps highlighting independence and why marriage isn't something you should need but something you should want, and she also keeps giving late in life love stories their due. I love it.

--The grovel in this book (there is a grovel) isn't dramatic, per se, but it was very emotionally authentic to Bishop and Daisy and their story, and I loved that.

--There's a subplot for one of Bishop's lady friends that I loved.

--Daisy being a lady detective was super fun, but wasn't overdone, when it so often is in lady detective books.

--We love the seeds being planted with chocolate and the harvest being collected in turn.

The Sex Stuff:

Lorraine Heath books are never the most explicit--but she builds the sexual tension so well, and writes the sex scenes so beautifully that it's always great. And they're still hot, and in some ways have been getting hotter. This one, I would say, scales back from The Return of the Duke (which was probably the most explicit Heath book I've read). There's sex, it's good, the heroine is a virgin and understandably isn't doing acrobatic moves, and I think this book has one of the most refined and classy and romantic descriptions of cunnilingus I've ever read. Also, there is some fun usage of melted chocolate.

This is just a really solid Lorraine Heath, and I had fun with it. I love seeing old characters show up (King and Penelope, James Swindler: detective of dubious renown, among others), and I love getting hints at the next Chessmen stories. I am so excited to start a new series by Lorraine, and I can't wait for the next book.

Thanks to Netgalley and Avon for providing me with a free copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[televinita]

La Brea thoughts, 2x01-05

Twenty months after I binged season 1 -- so long ago that I had to watch the entire "previously on" recap just to remember half of what happened, because my general impression of this show is that visually it's great and the ideas are cool, but its cast is lackluster and its dialogue often cringe, so it doesn't stay with me -- after five episodes in a week I have had basically four pressing thoughts:

(you get zero context for this because I don't think I have written about this show before even to myself, let alone Tumblr. oops.)

1. I keep forgetting the 1988 story exists so every time we switch over, I feel like I've been smacked in the face by how beautiful and vibrant Riley is (with really great hair). Veronica St. Clair is one of the few true standouts in this cast.

2. Speaking of, Scowling Head of the Mine/Guard Dude is the first character EVER to make me sit straight up and go "hell-o" on sight. Extremely excellent Dark and Brooding face, and also great hair.

3. With the simple addition of slightly growing out his already good hair, I have gone from being meh about Gavin (which always frustrated me because objectively? good looking man. i just felt no screen presence), to being full steam ahead OTP: MARRIED PARENTS; I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL; EVE FORGIVE HIM AND STOP BREAKING IZZY'S HEART ABOUT HER BROKEN HOME OR SO HELP ME... Just full swoon up in this joint now. Man loves his wife, has gone to extreme lengths to reunite, is willing to forgive a whole lot without judgment if she'll do the same; end of story!

3.5. This is a carry-over from me hating Levi's face since it first appeared as THE WORST DUDE in Off the Map. In 2011. This man still has not earned out his badwill from that character, even as the most upstanding military hero character one could imagine. No hope for him!

4. BUT. Here is the thing -- I actually think this is the most interesting love triangle/adultery story I have ever seen on television, because I get it. I understand how it is actually a difficult choice for Eve, because for all my shipping I don't actually know who is the better choice for her right now. I understand how and why the cheating happened and I don't even judge it, which I have literally never felt in the history of ever, ESPECIALLY when a cheater has kids. I understand how you could love both of these men at the same time, and why both of them have valid claims to her heart.

All of this is beautifully complicated by Gavin and Levi being close friends, and my FAVORITE part of it all is Izzy standing in for me and being my sounding board and saying everything I would say and feel in this situation regardless of my age.

I am going to need it to resolve with Levi dying, because this is fully a "I am not sorry you lost them but I'm sorry you're hurt" type of comfort situation in the making, but I think I could actually handle up to an entire season of UST and/or Eve officially choosing wrong for a while, if i could retain some hope.

I will abso-LUTELY riot in an Eve/Levi endgame situation, though. You know how I am about marriage.

Update, BONUS/LEFTOVER THOUGHTS:

Lucas's interactions with Veronica lately: *Dean Pelton voice* what is this? what is this creepy business?

(no seriously why does this feel like UST even though she definitely looks like a teenage child and he is definitely a grown-ass adult. i have never been so viscerally reviled by age difference in my life)

Para has been one of my favorites almost since her introduction and that love has only gotten stronger

Still want the pothead dope to bite it

Less Sam is always better too

MOAR CGI CREATURES. I loved the rhinos, in particular, so g.d. much.

One more thought about the Harrises: despite Gavin and Izzy having spent a whole season sequestered together already, this is really the first time I have gone feral about the father/daughter bond -- I assume this is related to the former becoming Gavin With The Good Hair -- so when the love triangle breaks my heart too much, at least I have this. Honestly, it's really nice seeing her back with her mom too, and any scenes that involve the parents working together to protect/comfort her? Special favorites.

(the son they're all risking life and limb to reunite with? still relegated to Season 1 Gavin status; change my mind)

[tinycatslay]

#1 My twenties (unromanticised)

In your early twenties, you read "Everything I Know about Love" by Dolly Alderton - actually, you are still reading it - and, after a much-needed dose of overly sweet caffeine that gives you jitters so bad you don't need to move your hand that much when chopping up garlic for dinner, you decided that everything seems actually okay (in perspective).

This is how things are supposed to go I guess. I guess but I never really know if people are not just lying for the sake of shutting me up - a possible consequence of being perceived as "too young" to understand that there will eventually come bigger problems that will make this moment seem insignificant.

Torn friendships, plans for the future, lack of plans, graduating from having university breaks to just having an adult life. Small hauntings on my planners and calendars. Desperate for a job and to live a life I am unsure I want. Because I know the worth of having fun and exciting memories that one day I will remember on a hospital bed, telling my granddaughter that she should go out and enjoy her time - these fun and exciting memories that I do not have.

I am really not sure if I have them or not. I think it would be nice to try and write down some of them because in the future they could seem big, nice, or relevant.

Comparison is my biggest struggle. Nothing about myself is enough compared to the amazing, incredible, worth-telling-stories-about people I come across in my life. When I am alone I think I am okay but when I step out of my room I throw all of my accomplishments in the nearest bin along with a tissue where I dabbed out most of the blush I applied that morning because I don't want people to think I am trying too hard. There's always so much going on and actually nothing at the same time - does everyone feel this way or am I the 3% of people that gets the depressive side effects that are listed on the side of my medication's box?

Maybe this is all just a big venting session because my cousin didn't reply to my messages earlier, or maybe this will amount to some interesting thoughts (and even stories) I will, hopefully fondly, look back on.

If anyone ever reads this: keep it to yourself; don't mention it to me (if you know me personally) unless we're dying of old age and we're actually still friends; and for the love of god (or any other entities really) do not drink an oat vanilla iced latte on an empty stomach - unless you are looking to start spilling what goes in your head online for a lack of a better judgment while crashing on the sofa waiting for your boyfriend to finish showering.

Brainstorming entries to come:

The incredible boobs that surround me

The drafts I swore to never look at again, let alone publish

Older sister: sagas of generational trauma

Passing bi: weird dreams and shower monologues

Friendly reminders about my findings on friendship

Everything I wasn't told about sex

Scripting my future crazy nights out

Unethical therapists and friends

Boys I've clearly traumatised: recounting the good, the bad, and the worse in my previous relationships

Doing pres with chronic pain and making it out alive

Adulting and adultery (yes, I love alliteration)

The cool girl monologue from Gone Girl effect

[scarletarosa]

Anubis

Egyptian god of death, mummification, embalming, tombs, and burial grounds

Anubis (Egyptian: Anup, Yinepu, or Anpu) was the original King of the Dead until he changed roles and Osiris became King of the Underworld in his place. Because  of him being born by Nephthys, Anubis was raised by Isis in order for him and his mother to be protected from Set, who was enraged by Nephthys’ act of adultery against him. When Osiris became the new King of the Underworld, Anubis evolved to be more of a guardian and a psychopomp (one who guides spirits to the Underworld). Anubis is said to have fathered the goddess Qebhet with his wife Anput (Anubis’ feminine counterpart). He is most often depicted as a man with the head of a black Egyptian hound, holding an ankh and a flail (an agricultural tool of a shepherd), or in the complete form of an Egyptian hound. The colour black is significant due to it being associated with rebirth in Ancient Egypt.

The Journey through Duat: Anubis is the god who guards the gateway to Duat (the Underworld) and is one of the deities to assist in judging souls in the Hall of Ma’at, making certain that no one wicked can pass on. It is said that once a mummy was sealed up, Anubis would come with the god Wepwawet and the two of them would guide the soul of the deceased towards the Hall of Ma’at, where they would be judged. While the soul waits for their turn, Qebhet, goddess of cool waters and the daughter of Anubis, is said to come and attend to them. She would be joined by other goddesses such as Nephthys and Serqet, who all comfort and provide for the deceased person. 

Once it is their turn, the soul then comes before the fourty-two judges and has to recite the Negative Confessions, claiming to be free or guilty of certain sins (which would change depending on the person). The spirit’s heart would then be placed upon the golden Scales of Truth to be weighed against a feather of Ma’at, the goddess of truth and justice. If the heart was heavier than the feather, the spirit would be given the chance to justify any of their misdeeds, then the judges would deem whether the spirit should be allowed to move on. Anubis is then the one to guide the pure towards the paradise of The Field of Reeds, while the souls of the wicked would have their heart devoured by the goddess Ammit, causing them to be unable to move on and would then be subject to severe punishments.

Other roles: Anubis was also thought to be the inventor and guardian of mummification; watching over the embalming process of every mummy and granting permission to the priests who cut open the bodies. In the myth of Osiris’ death and resurrection, he can be seen assisting Isis and Nephthys in rebuilding and preserving the corpse of Osiris until he could be revived. He is also seen as the god of lost souls, including orphans, and is the one to help guide them towards peace since he is the “shepherd of the dead”. Another role of this god is to watch over the resting places of the dead, punishing anyone who would dare desecrate the area. Thus, Anubis earned the epithet “He Who is Upon the Mountain”, as he was believed to protect the graves and tombs from high above where he could see all. Images of Anubis would be stamped on many of the seals to tombs in the Valley of the Kings, symbolizing the protection of Anubis against raiders and ill-wishers upon the dead. He was even known as the god who had knowledge of the mysteries of the afterlife, including the secrets of magic.  

Personal experiences: Anubis is one of the most noble gods I have ever had the honour to meet. He is deeply compassionate, just, diligent, protective, and patient; among the finest of the Netjeru. He is also quite serious and withdrawn, and does not like stupidity or most jokes. Despite what Egyptologists have assumed, Anubis states that he does not actually take the form of a jackal, but of a black Egyptian hound. This is because he guards the dead with stern protection, whereas jackals eat the dead (and he doesn’t look like a jackal at all either). Anubis is also one of the deities who strongly values their own evolution, so he travels through the dark in order to seek the light, and gradually changes for betterment. For this reason, he had stepped down from being the king of the Egyptian Underworld in order to evolve under a different role. It is true that he is the son of Osiris and Nephthys when these two gods had an affair; though despite this, Isis adores Anubis and does not hold anything negative towards him. The goddess Ma’at also claims Anubis to be one of the most wonderful souls in existence due to his noble and generous nature. In addition, Anubis is to be treated with great respect (as all deities should) so do not call him anything insulting or refer to him as a dog, as this can invoke his wrath. 

Some of his Epithets:

Guardian of the Scales

Chief Physician

Counter of Hearts

Beautiful Guardian

Chief Healer

Guardian of Souls

Guide of the Two Lands

He Who Checks the Scales

He Who Makes the Corpses

He Who is Hidden

High and Mighty One

Immense Strength

Keeper of the Keys to the Underworld

Lord of the Coffin

Lord of the Underworld

Lord of Purification

Master of the Secrets of the Underworld

He Who is Upon the Mountain

Pharaoh of the Underworld

Ruler of Eternity

Lord of the Sacred Land

Offerings: red dry wine, rum, apple juice, coffee (mochas, Ethiopian), hot chocolate, rye bread, rhubarb, red grapes, figs, lemons, limes, parsley, cooked chicken, curry, hummus, olive oil, dark chocolate, almonds, pinecones, beetroots, eggplants, ivy, chrysanthemum, amaranth, henbane, obsidian, black onyx, smoky quartz, tigers eye, jet, cat skulls, wild dog skulls, bones, fossils, papyrus, linen, leather-bound books, balancing scales, cedar essential oil, bronze incense burners, smyrna resin, black olibanum incense, oud incense, statues of Anubis

[lonepiper5758]

Royai Week 2021 - Day 5

Illicit Affairs

[Song prompt] illicit affairs, taylor swift

An essay exploring the ways in which Royai is not described by this song.

AN - I completely respect both the inclusion of 'Illicit Affairs' as the song prompt for Royai Week 2021, and the method in which it was selected by the Mods. When I first listened to it, and then listened to it again, I wanted to write something inspired by it. However it failed to give me any inspiration to write creatively about Royai. Instead what it inspired was the urge to write a critique of why this song is not reflective of Royai.

Please don't think that I am having a go at anyone who likes this song or feels that it gives off a good Royai vibe. I'm just responding to the prompt in the way that it prompted me to do so.

That 'Illicit Affairs' by Taylor Swift is a good song is not being disputed, as reviewed by Angie Martoccio in a Rolling Stone article -

"And on “Illicit Affairs,” she (Taylor Swift) expertly packs a tale of infidelity into just a few short verses, complete with abandoned perfume, secret language, and the lies that seamlessly stitch it all together."

Any song that includes the lyric 'A dwindling, mercurial high' has got to be given credit. It's musically beautiful and lyrically powerful. But is it Royai?

One of the intriguing things about Royai is that it's such a subtly expressed relationship within canon. We know for sure that Mustang and Hawkeye have known each other for a long time, and have a profound understanding of each other communicating at times with a mere glance. They share a deep trust of, and commitment to each other to the extent of risking great physical harm and personal hardship for each other. And they know each other well enough, despite their relative rankings within the military, to blow up at each other occasionally. Their deep care and love for each other is evident.

Extrapolating beyond what is explicitly expressed in canon is what fandom exists for, and many within the fan community see Mustang and Hawkeye’s relationship as also being a sexual one. Whether you see their relationship as expressing itself sexually or not does not change the premise that this song isn’t truly Royai.

'Illicit Affairs' contains some images which are no doubt reflective of Royai, a shared secret code language, and a relationship that has many details which are kept hidden. This gives the song a nice Royai vibe. However that vibe is superficial, and whether you hold to the more canon defensible position that Royai is a profoundly loving and loyal relationship with no sex, or that it is full of lustful moaning and sweaty bonking, either way the overarching sentiment of this song is far from expressing the nature of our beautiful ship.

There are three significant points at which this song not only fails to express Royai, it actually expresses the antithesis of Royai.

Firstly, Royai is not an illicit affair.

‘Illicit’ in this sense can have two meanings, illegal and relating to infidelity.

As for Royai being illegal, we all know, Arakawa cites the pesky ‘fraternization laws’ of the Amestrian Military as the reason why Mustang and Hawkeye can't be together in a physical relationship. If you take the view that Royai is a non-physical relationship, then there is no illegality and the song misses the mark.

The only place the song lands is if you hold to the idea of a sexual relationship, in which case Royai would transgress the ethics and rules of the military. It could also be argued that Mustang and Hawkeye have broken faith with their own morals as they would have sworn to be bound by those rules, and have broken that oath.

This is a pretty technical application of the term 'illicit affair’ and not really in keeping with the feel of the song, which is far more about interpersonal relationships than the keeping of rules and institutional ethics.

To quote the Rolling Stone article again 'Illicit Affair' is a 'tale of infidelity', and that's the meaning the word 'affair' evokes; infidelity, betrayal, adultery. An ‘illicit affair’ is most readily going to be understood as a relationship in which the participants are being unfaithful to an existing partner, in order to secretly be with a new partner.

This is the first point at which this song expresses a relationship that is the antithesis of Royai. There is absolutely no infidelity in the relationship between Mustang and Hawkeye. Neither of them has a significant other who’s trust they are betraying in order to be together. Rather, Royai is all about fidelity. The loyalty and trust these two show towards each other is the absolute bedrock of their relationship. If you take the view that their relationship is non-physical then it is their fidelity to each other that both defines and expresses their relationship. So to say that Royai is an ‘illicit affair’ is to completely mischaracterize their relationship.

Secondly, the relationship in this song is dying, as illustrated in the lines -

It's born from just one single glance

But it dies, and it dies, and it dies

A million little times

This is the constant theme of the lyrics from the outset, that what started as a wonderful thing is corrupting and dying.

Again this is the complete opposite of Royai. Exactly when the ship started is a subject for debate. Whether you hold that Royai started pre-canon, during Ishval or sometime soon after, there is no time at which we see it diminishing in its strength, let alone dying. Far from Royai diminishing over the course of canon, their relationship just gets stronger and closer. To illustrate two images from the Manga.

Chp 58

Above is the earliest point in the narrative that we see Hawkeye and Mustang together. Following is one of the last times. These two images indicate a relationship that is coming together and becoming stronger and more dynamic. Not one that is dying a million little times.

Chp 108

Thirdly, the last lines of the song pose some difficulty in accepting this as a Royai song.

And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

If you interpret ‘ruin myself’ as to risk physical injury or endure a harmful situation for the other, then this is a plausible Royai sentiment. However times such as Hawkeye’s preparedness to shoot Mustang if he destroyed Envy, or Mustang’s acceptance of Hawkeye’s death in refusing to perform human transmutation, show both understand that holding to their shared sense of the right thing to do is paramount. If they betray those truths they hold most deeply, or ‘ruin’ themselves, then they will have ultimately betrayed each other and their relationship. So in that sense they would not ‘ruin’ themselves for the other because to do so would be the end of themselves and their relationship.

So while this is a really cool song, Royai’s qualities of steadfast loyalty, longevity and the character of the relationship being intrinsically tied to the characters of Mustang and Hawkeye mean that Royai is far from being an ‘Illicit Affair’

____________________________________

Resources

1. “The Godforsaken Mess of Taylor Swift’s ‘Illicit Affairs’”

By Angie Martoccio

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-features/taylor-swift-illicit-affairs-1033805/

2. Song Lyrics via LyricFind

Make sure nobody sees you leave Hood over your head Keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms Ends with meetings in parking lots

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And longing stares It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

Leave the perfume on the shelf That you picked out just for him So you leave no trace behind Like you don't even exist Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings And stolen stares They show their truth one single time But they lie, and they lie, and they lie A billion little times

And you wanna scream Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else

Don't call me kid Don't call me baby Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else And you know damn well For you I would ruin myself A million little times

Songwriters: Jack Michael Antonoff / Taylor A. Swift

illicit affairs lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

3. Fullmetal Alchemist Manga - Images from Chp 58 and Chp 108

[earth-electric]

Killing Eve: A Theory of Family Ties

How complex are these web of lies? That's what the show is basically a huge spider web, everyone is connected by secrets and lies but by what placements? This is a complex question in of itself, which will be answered later in the season(s). But we'll theorize on one small portion, family ties.

Villanelle may have been born into the arms of the 12,her entire life could have been in their shadow. This is not a new theory, but it's still a juicy one to consider as Dasha claims at knowing Villanelle since she was a prepubescent. Villanelle's father Anatoliy Astankov was probably apart of the 12, albeit not high up (many speculated he was or is high up but I disagree), most likely low level (as in a runner, regular crook, handler...assassin? well that's a stretch), and most likely knew Konstantin. There is a possibility that Villanelle's father saw potential in Villanelle to be an assassin or he was told she had potential. That meant being very involved in her upbringing, something Tatianna, Villanelle's mother did not like; not because she cared for her daughters future. She hated Villanelle, she felt her husband loved their daughter more than he loved her. We don't know for sure what happened to Anatoliy, Tatianna and Villanelle blame each other. Most likely got killed by the 12's assassin's, and went 'missing' or Tatianna did kill him, who knows fact is once Anatoliy was gone Tatianna dumped Villanelle.

I do believe Konstantin knew Tatianna intimately, as in had an affair with his friend/co-workers wife. I don't believe Konstantin to be Villanelle's father but Pyotr's father. One thing to consider is Carolyn's children, Geraldine being the oldest and the biological child of her husband and Kenny being the product of an affair and the child of Konstantin. Reflects Villanelle being the biological child of Anatoliy and Pyotr being the child of Konstantin and Tatianna's adultery. I'm not the only one who thought Pyotr was Kenny in a blonde wig and beard...

It does make sense, as Konstantin did 'see a photo' of Villanelle as a baby, more like he saw her with his on eyes as in he knew her family and he looked real guarded when Villanelle asked how he knew what she looked like as a baby. Also knew Tatianna was 'insane' and an unfit mother. I know this might be a lot and many have guessed that the 12 didn't know about Oksana - we don't know that, it's possible they lost track of her, child welfare lose track of a bunch of kids in the US i'm sure it's the same in Russia. The 12 most likely have a whole file of potential assassins and are monitoring from afar these children to see if they can be killers, you can't have a subject too impulsive or too hesitant.

What's the best way to train a killer? You can train them to shot and fight and manipulate, but will they be able to kill efficiently, I mean look at Nadia and Diago they were horrible. To kill, it's all psychological, trauma that life provides is the best teacher. It's a plus when a subject already has a violent instinct.

Maybe that's why Konstantin was frightened when Irina killed, he thought about what happened when Anatoliy encouraged Villanelle's violent urges and didn't want that for his daughter. To add maybe that's why Konstantin loves Villanelle so much is because she reminds him of his old friend Anatoliy, plus she has the beauty of her mother to top it all off.

Yes, another layered theory from my obsessive brain, cool beans. Also if Konstantin is revealed to actually be Villanelle's father I will flip my shit. Want more of my bullshit, go here.

[caiuscassiuss]

Homecoming (M)

Pairing: NCT Johnny ♡ Female!Reader

Description: When a high school reunion drags you back from the bustling city to your hometown, you can’t help but feel inadequate compared your friends’ settled lives, who have thing you want most— kids. You may get your most desperate wish when your long-lost best friend sweeps into town, not quite the introverted nerd he was from 10 years ago.

Genre: high school reunion au smut | romance  WC: 16k Warnings: graphic smut (Dom! Johnny + Sub! Reader, dirty talk, !!!pregnancy kink!!!, unprotected sex, oral sex, rough sex, bulge kink, slight exhibitionism, footsie, slight cum eating, overstimulation), mentions of adultery

(A/N: I’m dedicating this fic to my bestie, my Ten to my Taeyong, my vanilla bean to my weird kinky shit: @kookyong. Thank you so much for supporting me through the creation of this fic and cheering me on when I felt down. Also, fuck you, you stole my idea of dedication before I even told you. Also, a huge thanks to @lovingyong for beta-ing a part of this story and providing such great feedback! I’d also like to thank @galaxybeeji and @aveluant1a for helping me translate some Korean.)

Also, please don’t have unprotected sex and stay safe.

A sigh leaves your lips as you sip at your beer, basking in the electronic light of your phone in the dim, crowded bar. You started reaching over for another fry in the basket, but as you looked up from your phone you noticed there was less than a fourth of the fries remaining.

Apparently, you were steadily but surely devouring the fry basket no one had touched. 

Truly, you had no idea why you were here, sitting alone in a dark booth, watching your co-workers slowly lose their inhibitions as the night went on. The little get together your coworkers made took over the whole bar, filling it with laughter and yells all around.

You scrolled through more pictures of your friends’ perfect family lives, each photo of a white-picket house they were moving into or the welcoming their new child slowly piled weight onto your chest. While you have never been claustrophobic, you felt the walls and the people of this little dingy bar on 43rd street close in on you like a vice.

Scooting out of the booth, you stayed to the sides of the crowded room while attempting to navigate groups of tipsy adults. You inwardly cringed of how much you stood out, a dark spot staining the convivial atmosphere.

“Y/N?”

You whipped around wide-eyed to see Sara standing behind you, a slight sloppy smile plastered to her face as your middle-aged co-workers stared at her unabashedly. Young, beautiful, vivacious— Sara was the office catch, in her red slip and heels. She was dressed to kill.

“Hey! Sara,” you said awkwardly, twiddling with the flap of your purse. Even standing in your best slinky dress in front of her, you felt like a washed out, pale imitation of her.

“Where are you off to? The party just started!” she giggled, the shimmery sequins of her dress sparkling along with her smile.

You quickly tried to formulate a valid excuse. “I actually—”

A loud ring came from your cell phone, vibrating against your thigh.

“I just need to step out real quick to answer this call,” you smiled softly, hoping to convey you needed to take this urgent call as quickly as possible.

“Well, okay,” she pouted. You motioned to step out but a soft hand on your arm stopped you.

Turning back to Sara, she looked unusually serious as she gripped your arm slightly.

“Y/N, have some fun here, alright? You work so hard, you deserve a night out. Especially since you’re all alone-”

What you hoped was a smile was plastered to your face as you shook yourself out of her grip, your small “thanks” murmured into a loud bar unheard as you stepped out.

“Cynthia?” you asked into the phone, sitting on a chair on the terrace.

“Y/N! Oh my god, girl, how are you?” your high school friend squealed into the phone.

Wondering how she could be awake at this time as a new mom, you quickly realized she was a few hours behind New York time.

“Hey yourself, I’m doing well. How about you?” you asked softly.

“I’m doing well! I just had to tell you about Ryland! Our new son, remember? So-”

As she gushed over the first words of her newborn baby, you hummed and agreed at the appropriate moments. You marveled at how much she had changed since your high school days. This was a big difference from the wild girl from high school you knew, the girl with sharp cheekbones with an even sharper wit. Now, in her profile pictures she was rounded and aglow from the joys of motherhood. Your hand slowly rose to meet where your eye and cheekbone met, feeling the flesh that lay there. You had no laugh lines.

“-invitation?”

“Huh?” you asked, shaking out of your stupor.

Cynthia huffed. “Sily, I said did you get my invite on Facebook?”

“No,” you said plainly. You were lying, of course. You had seen the invite, but you scrolled past without even looking at the title.

A groan resounded from the phone. “Y/N, what am I supposed to do with you? God, it’s an invite to our high school reunion!”

Immediately, you wanted to say no. Like, hell no, but you thankfully held your tongue.

“Oh, really? That’s great, Cynthia, but I’m afraid I can’t go—”

“Wait! I haven’t even mentioned the date! It’s a few weeks from now, and you just have to go! Everyone does!”

Truthfully, you had no desire to go back to your old town and see your friends’ perfect families and their perfect kids, their perfect domestic lives. Your high school reunion was always popular with alumni as an event to flaunt how much they were making, how gorgeous their significant other was, how adorable their kids were. It was all one big clusterfuck of gossip and arrogance— not endearing at the slightest.

“Everyone misses you, Y/N. I know I do.”

“I miss you too but I don’t know, I’m really busy with work—”

“Shut up, Y/N. You’re just using that as an excuse since you’re too scared to face everyone.”

Ah, there’s her sharp riposte. Her wit had not dulled with her age, it seems.

“Cynthia—” you stuttered, unable to reply to her retort.

“You bet your ass I will fly out to New York, find you in that concrete jungle then drag you back to attend this goddamn reunion.”

“...I’ll see,” you relented.

“Great! So—” a baby’s cry resounded in the background. “Oh my gosh, I have to go to Ryland now! I’ll text you the details later, bye bye!”

The dark screen of your phone stared back at you as she hung up on you. You could only pray to some higher being this reunion wouldn’t turn out badly.

The skyline of your hometown was unfamiliar to you.

There were a few shadows added, maybe some missing, maybe not. It is not the familiar curves and dips you always used to see when you glanced out your bedroom window.

Even passing through the main part of the town itself, it was so surreal. There were so many new buildings of glass and concrete that juxtaposed the old timey feel of the main street. New signs, new roads, new people passed by you in your Lyft ride.

You had to stop yourself from wondering over the town when you saw your breath fog up the windshield and you hastily jerked back. You hoped the driver didn’t see you looking like an excited 8 year old.

As the car slowly turned into your parent’s neighborhood, a wave of pure nostalgia hit you like a truck. As your eyes traced over the familiar houses on your street, a whole flood of innocent, child-like memories came back to you. All the times playing ball in the street with your neighbor, or even waiting nervously at the bus stop for the first day of school— long forgotten things from your past rose up.

Memories of tanned skin and wide smiles filled your memory, and you felt a pang with in your heart.

Johnny Suh.

“Uhm, ma’am? We’re here?”

You were shaken out of your memories but the sound of the Lyft driver looking at you nervously through his rearview window. 

“Oh, sorry sir! Thank you for the ride.”

Your two heavy suitcases rolled behind you as you strolled through your parents’ large driveway, and your heart started to beat nervously as you saw the front door slowly getting larger.

Hands trembling, you rung the doorbell and stared into the cloudy glass.

You heard flurry of footsteps pitter patter to the front, and you thought you were prepared when your mother opened front door, but turns out you weren’t.

“Y/N?”

Your mother looked as beautiful as ever, the crow lines underneath her eyes and the wisps of grey in her hair looking gorgeous. You haven’t seen her in years, and you could feel a gathering of tears in your waterline.

“Mommy,” you said, choking up a bit towards the end.

“My darling girl? My sweetheart? You’re here?”

“Yes, mom.”

“Y/D/N, come! Y/N is back!”

As your dad came tearing down the hall and his eyes focused on you, you saw his old eyes brighten and fill up with tears.

“My little turtle?”

“Hi daddy!” you smile weakly, giving a little wave.

“Come and give your dad a hug! I haven’t seen you in so long!”

As you rested in the embrace of your mother and father, you thought that maybe coming home wasn’t so bad at all.

The afternoon sun beat down upon your bare shoulders, your wide-brimmed boater hat offering no respite.

You could only drink your ice-cold lemonade in hopes of cooling down and not feeling like a sweaty rat, fanning yourself with a menu and looking over the balcony.

“—and Ryland goes “I wanna pear, mommy!” and then Callie says ,”Ryland, that’s a potato.” It was a mango!”

Cynthia cracked up laughing, and you let out a few peals of laughter so as to not seem awkward. Every time Cynthia mentioned her darling kids, a burning jealousy gripped your heart until you could only see green. You truly wish you could enjoy your friends’ stories about how her kids could say the darndest things, but it only increased your yearning for kids tenfold.

“Well, enough about my life. How’s your job in the Big Apple? You’re one of those white collar types now, aren’t you?”

You sipped at the lemonade, wishing it was something much stronger. Your eyes swept over her appearance; the Facebook pictures were wrong, she was much more radiant in person. “You could say that, I guess. I travel a lot, though I’m only in New York half of the year. Usually I end up in the UK or Beijing. My work is very good to me.”

Cynthia sighed in faux envy, her hand resting over her swollen breasts from pregnancy. “You’re so cool, Y/N. It must be so fun traveling all over the world and seeing all these new things, tasting all the great food!”

You thought back to your large, empty apartment overlooking the Greenway that felt more like a showroom.The film of dust your housekeeper had to clean. The vacant adjacent plane seats. The uncomfortable fact you never had someone to go home to.

“Yeah, you could say that.”

After a few minutes of light hearted chat, your straw was sucking at your almost empty glass. God, you needed to pee.

“Sorry, Cy. I gotta go to the restroom for a minute, un momento!”

After relieving yourself, you stepped out of the restroom only to walk face first into a well-built chest. As much as you wanted to press your whole body onto his delicious one, it wasn’t exactly societally acceptable to be seen rubbing yourself against a stranger like a dog in the heat.

You (unfortunately) moved back, apologizing profusely. “I am so sorry, are you alrig...”

The last syllables left your mouth at the pace of molasses at your shock of seeing this god of a man in front of you. Tall, broad shouldered, with hidden muscles flexing under his casual white oxford shirt with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his veiny forearms.

And his face. His face was like sin, chiseled as hell with pouty lips and sharp eyes. But as your gaze roamed over his features, you saw the scar near his lips that was barely visible. Only one person you knew had that unique scar, in its unique placement. He got it from accidentally knocking his trumpet too hard into his lips in sophomore year.

“Johnny?!” you gasped.

His face brightened up for a second, a brilliant gleam to his eyes until it went away in a flash.

“Y/N.”

His dark, tenor tone raised gooseflesh along your bare arms and shoulders. This was definitely not the Johnny you knew so well from high school.

After a moment of awkward silence (he didn’t look inclined to embrace you in a hug or even speak), and you spoke up. “Um, it’s great to see you. You look good.”

“Thanks, you too,” he said shortly.

A slight crease formed on your brow as you frowned lightly, not used to his coldness. If this were the Johnny you knew in high school, he would’ve wrapped you in a big bear hug with his long, lanky limbs flailing. He looked like he grew into those limbs.

“Well, do you have time to catch up? I haven’t seen you in a decade,” you breathed out.

He pursed his lips for a moment. “Sorry, I’m afraid I can’t. I’m only here because I’m meeting an old investor.”

It was only then you noticed his fancy watch and his shined Weston shoes, along with the dark leather briefcase he had in his hand. He looked like a Wall Street shark.

You were sure your face fell for a second, since he frowned minutely, until you felt a mask of pity snap into place. “That’s a shame. Well, have fun with your investor. See you… sometime.”

You bravely moved to pat his arm, and his face did not change even when you passed by him. You felt his intense gaze upon your retreating figure and until you were sure he couldn’t see you, sprinted through the crowded cafe to your balcony table with Cynthia.

“God, what took you so long?” she complained. “Our food already arrived.”

“Did you know Johnny Suh was in town?! I just ran into him!” you fake whispered.

Her brows lifted in surprise. “No? I didn’t see him on the Facebook guest list—”

You quickly pulled out your phone and opened the invite list. There, in dark navy font, was Johnny Suh.

“He was your best friend, right? The nerdy band kid you was always with?”

You felt the edges of your mouth pull down. “Hey, he’s not like that. He was a great and friendly guy! But I haven’t seen him in forever.”

“Well, how is he?”

“I-He looked like a damn god, Cynthia. He’s so different from high school. I couldn’t even recognize him,” you breathed out.

Her eyebrows only climbed higher in surprise. “Well, I’ll be. Was not expecting that.”

You snorted. “No one was, even his fucking best friend of 4 years didn’t.”

Cynthia took a bite of her salad, a look of contemplation upon her rounded features.

“Something wrong, Y/N?”

You hugged yourself and looked away. “Well, when I say he’s not like from before, he really isn’t. I wasn’t expecting him to be this cold.”

This really wasn’t a situation you wanted to be in. At all. 

Sitting here in a pretty, floral sundress, sitting on a park bench in the midst of all your former classmates chatting with decked out strollers parked beside them.

You tried your best to not feel uncomfortable, as Cynthia looked like she was enjoying herself, but this was simply not your speed. You’d never expected Cynthia to be friends with the popular kids at school in the future, but look where she was now. Chattering and giggling with the rest of them.

Your discomfort was only enforced by how different you looked from everybody, how Cynthia’s PTA mom friends were dressed like they were about to go to play tennis. They knew each other well and could giggle and gossip, but you were in your own isolated world.

Last, but not least:

They all had children.

You stared enviously at the little angels ran around the playground, screaming and cavorting about. Some stumbled on their legs, new to the concept to walking, but some sat quite passively staring out in space. Reluctantly, a smile crept upon your face as a group of little ones played tag. They ran, weaving in and out between children and playground equipment. Your eyes followed a darling girl dressed in red, with her cheeks flushed in excitement as she zoomed around but then--wham!-- slammed into a playground pole.

A gasp escaped your mouth and you almost stood up to go to her, until a tired groan resounded from across from you as a tanned blonde lazily got up to attend to her child. Then, you were bitterly reminded that, no, that was not your beautiful child.

“Oh my, poor Kayla, that little darling is always getting hurt! Bless her poor heart!” a woman (Kendall, maybe?) dressed in neon pink cooed her concern.

You could only sulk in pathetic silence as you deliberately excluded yourself from the conversation, too uncomfortable and upset to truly feel at place. Hell, it wasn’t just because you were clearly an outsider, it was the way this group of women treated people they thought lower them. Sudden memories came to you of Johnny’s crooked smile fading as he realized they never thought of him as a friend. How his friendly, warm personality was used against him as he helped them with their homework but was never truly thought as “in”.  He cried so much that night.

“-you nowadays, Y/N?”

You whipped your head back around to see one of the nicer women, Katie, smiling at you as the whole group focused on your angered face.

“I’m sorry, come again? I’m afraid I was distracted.”

She laughed. “No problemo, sweetie. I just said ‘How are you?’ What’s going on in your life?”

A tight smile spread across your mouth. “I’m doing well right now. I work in New York as a private manager for J.P. Morgan,” you said politely, steeling yourself for the onslaught of questions.

“Ooh, so do you get paid well? Do you travel a lot?” someone butt in. You turned to see it was that one noisy theater kid (Anna?) and you decided to answer politely.

You tittered out a delicate laugh, the type you emit when you have to play nice with a client. You turn a modest smile Anna’s way. “I get by comfortably, and yes, I’m usually out of the country until someone here,” you side-eyed Cynthia, who waved cheerfully, “convinced me to come back for the reunion.”

Noises of approval came from the group, and they continued to ask polite questions until one sugary sweet drawl slithered in.

“Well, you sound so accomplished! This is all so amazing,” the tanned, voluptuous brunette 2 seats down from you piped up. “But, do you have anyone to share it with? Any hotshot hubby? Darling kids?”

You gritted your teeth, “No, unfortunately my job hasn’t allowed me to have much personal time.”

The other part of group turned away, wandering into other conversations and leaving the two of you relatively alone. She gasped dramatically, showing her immaculate gel manicure. “Are you even of the female kind?!” she playfully joked, but you could hear the undertone of smugness beneath.

Oh. Now you remember.

Victoria Edwards, that little bitch from the church group that always seemed to hate you. You had no idea what was her problem, especially since your parents had long been friendly with hers. Perhaps it was the fact you were amiable with everyone while many were tired of her spoiled attitude. Nevertheless, every chance she had to spite you or make things uncomfortable, she took it. Victoria did it with such calculated anger, you wondered what you ever did wrong to her. You never found out; she just had it out for you.

You shrugged modestly, careful to hide your trembling fingers in the folds of your dress lest you reach out a put her in a chokehold.

“But don’t you want kids? Who’s going to take care of you when you get older?” she continued, a look of faux pity on her heart-shaped face.

She just can’t stop, huh?

“Perhaps if everything slows down,” you replied carefully.

“Your eggs are going to get cold if you wait too long! I’ve heard those new fangled procedures for older women are very risky with a low chance of—”

“Thank you for the advice, Victoria. You seem very well-read on it— since your husband is always busy, you know— and you sound like you have some good experience under your belt. I’ll come to you for any help.”

You send a charming smile her way, and slowly rise up from your comfortable perch. Waving a goodbye Cynthia’s way, you continue to depart.

You refrain from sashaying away.

Wandering through the paths of your town’s best park, you reveled in the feeling of truly being in nature for the first time in over a decade. New York had Central, sure, but your town’s really immersed you in the outdoors without sky-scraping structures looming threateningly over you.

Closing your eyes to feel the radiant sunshine on your skin, you were startled when a little girl’s cry broke the peaceful silence of the area. It sounded muffled, but not too far away from where you were from.

“Hello? Sweetie, where are you?”

The cries only grew louder, and your footsteps only grew more frantic as you searched through the undergrowth.

“Hold, I’m coming to get you—”

You burst into a secluded part of the path and see a familiar little girl in a yellow jumpsuit bawling her eyes. You spotted a blotch of red and brown on her pale elbow and you practically ran to her shaking figure.

“Oh, poor sweetie, are you okay?”

She pulled her head out from her knees and cautiously stared at you, her cries dying down. You recognize her immediately. She was Cynthia’s snarky little 5 years old, Callie.

“I want M-mommy,” she pouted, rubbing her eyes so adorably you couldn’t help but melt.

“Hey, hey, don’t worry it’s Aunt Y/N,” you smiled kindly at her.

“A-Auntie?” she sniffled.

“Yes, sweetheart.”

She put her arms up and you obliged, careful not to jostle her wound too badly.

“Let’s go to Mommy, alright? It’s gonna be A-Okay.”

She buried your face in your neck, her soft puffs of hair brushing your cheek and you almost melted right there on the spot.

“You wanna tell me what happened, baby?” you asked, taking a fast past towards the trail path.

“I twipped on somethin’,” she mumbled.

“I’m so sorry sweet girl, how much does it hurt?”

“Vewy bad.”

“Oh dear,” you whispered.

As soon as you saw a small shed that had a red cross over it, you quickly made your way on over. Sitting her on the counter gently, you smiled your best smile.

“Auntie’s gonna get you all cleaned up, okay?”

She nodded, and you took that as consent when you reached for a first aid kit. You immediately cringed, knowing the first step was going to be painful for both of you.

“Baby, to get rid of the red and black, I’m gonna have to clean it. It might sting a bit so can you a strong girl for me?”

You saw her stubbornness Cynthia frequently complained about, as she jutted out her lip and nodded resolutely.

Getting out the alcohol and pads, you gave her a warning as you lightly pressed, She made a noise of discomfort, and your head snapped up to see if she was any pain.

“Callie?”

“I-I’m fine, Auntie,” she mumbled firmly. 

Pinching her cheek playfully, you continued to disinfect the wound to reveal a light scrape on the skin of her elbow. Wrapping it up nice and tight, you patted her thigh.

“All done, baby,” you smiled. “Good job,” you pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Is she yours?”

You let out a little scream as you dropped the cotton pads. You snapped your head to see Johnny Suh in a sleeveless tank and jogging shorts, a light sheen to his muscles from his work out.

He has one fit bod, a part of you whispered. The veins in his toned forearms, his fit calves, the hint of his strong chest in his tank— 

There was a child next to you, for god’s sake!

Callie was laughing next to you, all her pain forgotten. Recovering from your shock, you rolled your eyes and playfully booped her on the nose, causing her to swat at it playfully.

“You silly little goose,” you chastized. She giggled even more, a beautiful smile split on her face.

A cough resounded from behind you and you remembered Johnny fucking Suh was behind you in the hottest workout gear you’ve ever seen and you blanched.

“So?” he raised an eyebrow, nodding towards Callie.

“Nope, this little sweetheart is Cynthia’s,” you said, squeezing Callie closer.

“Oh,” he merely said. You thought you detected a glimpse of relief on his face, before he moved it to that impassive mask.

His sharp eyes zoomed in on the bandage at her elbow and he frowned. “What happened? Is everything alright?”

“Everything’s fine, just a minor trip,” you soothed, picking up Callie from the counter.

“Auntie, who is that?” she inconspicuously whispered, causing you to muffle your laughter against her head. Johnny had a slightly amused grin on his face.

“That’s Mr. Johnny. He’s an old… friend of mine,” you informed her, shifting her on your hip.

“Hi Mr. Johnny! I’m Callie and I’m 6 years old!” Callie brightly smiled, holding up 5 fingers.

“Sweetie, you need one more finger to make six,” you giggled, as you uncurled another finger on her other palm to make six.

Johnny let out a chuckle and bent down to eye level with the child in your arms. “Hiya kid. You can call me Johnny.”

“How old are you Mister Johnny? You look… like… very old!,” Callie flails her arms, unable to properly express the number.

A small smile graced his face, a glow in his eyes as he looked at the small child in your arms. His face wasn’t the one you saw in the cafe. “Not quite, baby. I’m the same age as your mommy.”

Callie continued to entertain Johnny as the three of you walked down the path, towards where her mom was sitting. Eventually, the adrenaline of the whole experience of getting hurt and meeting someone new wore off, and she slept soundly on your shoulder.

An awkward silence permeated between you and Johnny, as you busied yourself with the scenery you had seen hundreds of times while he regressed to his cold persona. His presence next to you was too close yet too far, and you could feel how tense you were walking next to him. Sometimes, his arm would brush against your shoulder and it ignited a series of nerves you haven’t felt in years. It was like there was a furnace flowing underneath your skin. You curled Callie in your arms a bit tighter to stave off whatever he was doing to you.

You felt Callie rustle a bit and you knew that if she woke up, she would be extremely grumpy so you hummed lightly, bouncing her up and down in your arms while patting her back lightly. So focused you were in your task, the undecipherable look in Johnny’s eyes went unnoticed.

“How have you been?,” Johnny spoke, his low voice still so unfamiliar to your ears.

Your head snapped up toward his, him now towering over you when you had once been his height. His black hair lay across his eyes, his amber eyes intensely focused at you.

“I’ve been alright. Good,” you mumbled.

Another lengthy period of silence stretched between you.

“...I heard you were snatched up by J.P. Morgan when you graduated. That’s a good company,” Johnny said.

“Yeah, I’m now a private manager there. They’ve— the company—has been very good to me over these years,” you smiled slightly. It was true, the company had treated you well and given you a career, but you were still so...lonely.

“You look like you’re doing well for yourself.”

“....yes.” Silence. “You too— you look like you’re doing well.”

“I’d like to think so. I-, uhm, I’m the CEO of an online banking company— Banksy, have you heard of it?”

You were embarrassed to admit you gaped at him for a solid minute. Banksy? It was one of the trendiest e-businesses that had grown exponentially when the tech boom hit the market. The small start-up crested the wave until it had become a blue-chip name on the stock exchange. You even had an account with them!

“I-I have. I even have an account with them— you. Wow, Johnny, congratulations, that’s honestly amazing,” you smiled brightly at him, really and truly proud of your high school best friend doing so well for himself— no matter how cold he was to you.

A reluctant smile crawled over his plump lips, and you realize how much you had missed him. Yes, he was your best friend in every sense the word meant. He had been there and celebrated when you made it onto the softball team, offered you his hoodie when your period had come out of nowhere, even been there when you had gotten into an accident, senior year.

He had gotten there first. Not the police, not your parents— him, in his stupid Naruto pajamas, pulling up in his shitty 2001 Honda Accord and bawling his eyes out.

You hadn’t realized how much you relied upon him until you moved to college in another state, totally lost and confused without your best friend. Regret had always been an emotion associated with his name. You wished you had kept in contact with him, and even more so regretted you hadn’t ever truly revealed your...

“Thank you, Y/N.”

He opened up his mouth to say something, then immediately opened it again, but then paused. He looked like he was having a conflict within himself, but he shook his head and stared directly at you.

“Y/N, I’m sorry I couldn’t really talk to you that day with met at the cafe. It was a bit… rude in hindsight.”

You blinked in shock, mouth slightly ajar as you stumbled on the path.

“O-Oh, that? Don’t worry about it— I get it, we’re all so busy nowadays,” you offered a weak smile.

“No, I’m in the wrong here. We were… we were best friends for years, I shouldn’t have treated you like that.”

His brows furrowed, you notice how much he has matured. Not just in his looks and the way he presented himself, it was the way he treated you. Don’t get it wrong (he was a sweetheart during high school), but he seemed more sure of himself, more able to take responsibility and address conflict. He had always had kind of avoided confrontation, the one part you hated of him you hated during high school, and would always just kind of awkwardly wait for any conflict to pass by and ignore it. He was so much Johnny, but so much less.

“Hey, it’s alright. We were both just not used to each other, y’know? You were probably stressed out at the time and took it out on me. There’s no need to get in a tizzy over that.”

“It’s just I haven’t seen you in years and I treated you like that—”

“Youngho.”

His Korean name sort of forced itself out of your mouth, hiding in the back of your throat all these years and finally popping back up when the man himself did. No one really knew of his other name other than his sweet mother and you, since your white-ass town would’ve butchered it until the point of disfiguration. Hearing you say it had always calmed him down.

“...fine,” he pouted. Maybe, just maybe, you saw bits of the old Johnny peek through the new mask, new body of his. “Man, I just feel terrible about it, though. It hasn’t left my mind in days.”

“Why don’t you make it up to me by getting a coffee with me sometime? I.. I’d love to catch up, Johnny. I’d really, really like to.”

His dark eyes met yours and yours widened.

“I’d love to.”

By the time your unlikely trio reached the PTA moms plus Cynthia, it was already late afternoon. The sun had turned golden, the kids were getting tired, and the music from your town’s main street could be faintly heard.

“Y/N? Y/N?! Have you seen—” Cynthia called out frantically, waving her cell phone around but paused when she saw her child in your arms.

“Oh my god, Callie! Sweetheart!”

She sprinted across the sidewalk to immediately take the sleepy child from your tired arms. You could see the sunlight glint off her sweaty face, her unkempt hair frizzing out of her bun while she rocked Callie in her arms.

A slight grin graced your face as you tilted your head and took in the sweet mother-daughter moment. Unbeknownst to you, the man beside you had the same expression on as well, his hands itching to pull you closer.

“Cynthia? Sweetheart, did you find Callie?” someone shouted from the side.

A flock of moms headed towards your general direction, all carrying their kids with them and hoisting their heavy bags. As soon as they reached you, their eyes had wandered from Cynthia and zoomed in on the delectable piece of man next to you. You remembered how he looked with his toned and veiny arms on display in his loose tank, how good he looked with his hair windblown and disheveled and you inwardly smacked your head. He was basically bait for middle-aged women.

“Y/N, who is this? Would you care to introduce us?” the woman you thought was Kendall cocked out her hip, her eyes still fixated on Johnny.

“This is—”

“Am I late to the party? Well, thank god we found Ca— oh, who is this?”

Everyone’s favorite girl Victoria sauntered into your midst, her rambunctious kids following behind her.

You gave a tight smile. “Ladies, do you remember Johnny Suh from high school? This is him.”

The women present smiled brightly but did not seem to remember his name.

“I’m so sorry, I can’t seem to recall you from back then,” Victoria smiled apologetically. Your eyes zoomed in on the subtle movements she displayed— the slight stroking of her bare arms, the hooded lids— and you rolled your eyes.

“Hold on, weren’t you a trumpet in marching band? Vice president of the Anime Club?” Anne popped out, the glint of recognition in her eyes,

Johnny chuckles and shifted his weight. “Yeah, that was me,” he said, with a sort of secretive smile on his lips.

You watched with smug satisfaction as the ladies’ eyes collectively widened in disbelief, Victoria even going stiff for a moment before recovering. The boy they had excluded, used, looked down on, had grown into this man next to you.

“W-well, I’ll be! You’ve changed so much from back then,” Kendall (still unsure who the hell she is) grinned.

“You could say that,” Johnny smirked before pushing his hair out of his face, everyone’s eyes following his toned arms flexing.

Karma is so sweet.

“Y/N, mom threatened to decapitate me if I didn’t invite you to dinner. Could you come over?”

Always the momma’s boy.

“You want to save this sexy face, right?”

There he was. That was the Johnny you knew.

“Mm, I don’t know. You could use a little ego beat down,” you laughed, bending down to open your suitcase.

“Don’t lie, love, you find me attractive,” he breathed, his voice rough. You bit your lip at the noise, gripping your shirt tight enough to create wrinkles.

A beat of silence passed before you moved to speak. “Dress code, Johnny?”

He snorted. “You could show up in pajamas and mom and dad would still be glad to see you.”

“Even in those silly Naruto pajamas you wore?” you teased.

“Hey! They were not silly-”

“- sure, anime club VP-”

“- and shut up, you stole them anyways.”

You sighed, remembering the orange pajama top stuffed in the back of a cabinet. “I mean, I could just show up naked if you’re not going to give me some kind of dress code.”

A muffled grunt met your ears as it sounded like he quickly moved the phone away from his mouth and your eyes widened.

“Ugh, sorry about that I...dropped something. But fine, woman, dressy casual. Mom just came back from church and she wants to see dad and I look at least somewhat presentable.”

“How is your mom, by the way? The church?”

“Both doing fine. Mom is running the back to school drive again. Remember Mark Lee? That kid in our youth group? He’s actually the Faith Formation leader now.”

“Markie? Oh my god, I missed him!” you smiled widely as you remembered the hyper boy 4 years younger than you, who was too kind and too pure for his own good.

“I’m starting to feel offended, what about me?”

“No, ‘cause he’s cute and you’re not, Johnny.”

“That right, ‘cause I’m sexy.”

“Oh my god.”

You both burst out laughing, the moment feeling so right it warmed your chest. You laid your floral dress on your bed and flopped down next to it.

“Well, if you’re done inflating your ego, I gotta get ready. Bye bye.”

“Bye, love.”

You sighed for the umpteenth time today and your eyes were drawn around your room. Colorful pictures, awards, and random stuff covered the walls and surfaces of your room. It looked so lived in, so alive and loved it hurt to think about going back home to your starkly empty bedroom. 

To be honest, you had no idea what happened. Cynthia liked to call you the ultimate girl next door, and while you vehemently protested it at the time, now you couldn’t help but feel she was right. Back then you thought you were antisocial as hell, but as opposed to the present, you were the life of the party. Clubs, church group, Johnny— you were so bright and bubbly back then, so many people surrounding you in your small hometown.

Now, as opposed to then, you lived life like clockwork. It wasn’t surprising, since after college you threw yourself into studying to be successful, forgetting everything and everyone that made you feel alive. Now, it was robotic, tiring, and lonely.

The picture at the very center of your room caught your attention. It was a lovely one, set during the late afternoon at your town’s park. You and Johnny stood close together, arm in arm, smiling brightly at the camera dressed to the nines.

Prom.

Picking up the frame, you brushed a reverent hand across the picture of the two of you. You both had no one to go with, and decided to go together since everyone else you knew paired off. You remember him awkwardly sliding the white corsage onto your wrist, you having to tip-toe to pin his to the lapel of his blazer. In hindsight, Johnny in senior year was starting to look like the Johnny of today.

That night was so fun. Dancing ‘til you had to take off your heels, Johnny pretending to spike the punch, stuffing your face with the fancy sandwiches provided— the classical prom experience. 

The highlight was when Johnny pulled you into dancing the last song of the night. The pair of you couldn’t look each other in the eye as you slowly swayed to the music, breaths hitching at the slight distance between each other. But at the end, when you two finally caught each other’s gazes, was exhilarating. He opened his mouth, his eyes shifting back and forth in nervousness.

You thought he was going to confess.

Instead, he seemed to stop himself and smiled weakly at you. That moment of what could have been, what you could’ve done, haunted you forever until you threw yourself into studying.

What would’ve happened if you had spoken up?

“Y/N-ah!!! My love, come here!”

Heat diffused into your cheeks as you crossed the yard to the tiny woman under the patio bouncing with energy.

You struggled not to run and leap into Mrs. Suh’s arms while carrying a small roll cake from Tous Les Jours. But when you saw her wide smile and eyes folded up like crescents in happiness, you dropped your stuff on the ground and ran into her arms.

“Hi Auntie!” you murmured into her shoulder as you embraced her, tears coming into your eyes as you settled into her warm embrace.

“Oh, Y/N! I haven’t seen you for 10 years, don’t cry!” Mrs. Suh laughed as she held you at arm's length, eyes roving over your face. She wiped a tear off your cheek with her thumb and patted your neck.

“You’ve always been pretty, but now you’ve grown to be so beautiful.” She pinched your arm. “But why aren’t you eating more? Come, auntie will get you some good food.”

“I brought a roll cake, Auntie. I hope you like it,” you said, wiping tears off your face as she led you down the hall.

“Thank you, sweetheart. 여보 (Husband)! Y/N is here! Come out, come out!” she yelled down into the home office.

“Eh? Y/N?” Mr. Suh’s thin voice echoed from the office as a new wave of tears threatened to rise up.

Mr. Suh, a bit older and thinner than when you last saw him, opened the door to his office and a wide smile lit up his face.

“Give your uncle a hug!” 

As you gave your best friend’s dad a hug, more tears spilled onto your cheeks. “Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry!” Mrs. Suh said as she grabbed you into a side-hug, wiping off your tears.

“I just missed you guys so much,” you blubbered, struggling to compose yourself. Tears started to come to Mrs. Suh’s eyes and Mr. Suh laughed. These two had been more than your best friend’s parents, they had raised both of you through thick and thin. You were closer to them than most of your family when you were in high school, and they had never failed to welcome you into their home with open arms.

“Y/N, my wife has been missing her church helper. Bake sales don’t make themselves and she’s getting so old these days, you know?” he said, teasing his wife. 

She released you as she slapped his arm. “Yah! You know what, you can set up the table by yourself.. Go!”

You smiled at the utter love and admiration in their eyes as they teased each other. You had always hoped that one day, you could stare into your significant other’s eyes with an ounce of the love they have.

“Ah, Johnny’s probably still fussing with his hair upstairs. He’s missed you so much these days,” she smiled up at you.

“Moooommmm,” Johnny whined, coming down the stairs. “내 비밀 드러내지 마세요! (Don’t reveal my secrets)!”

“What? It’s true, John-ah,” she smiled at him she hugged his torso.

He turned to you, and you looked down, blushing. Johnny looked extra good today, in a casual Oxford and jeans combo that emphasized his proportions.

“Hi there,” he said, leaning on the railing. He gave you a discreet wink from above his mother’s head and affixed an intense stare on your person, his eyes roving up and down your body.

“H-Hey John,” you mumbled, your body curling on itself from his gaze.

“Well, I’m going to leave you two kids alone before my husband breaks something,” she said with a mysterious sparkle in her eye. As if on cue, silverware clattered onto a plate. “Oh dear,” she muttered as she sped down to the kitchen.

The two of you were left in silence.

“You look great today, Y/N.” Johnny smirking as he tilted his head towards you. Where did this confident Johnny come from?

“You too. Since when did you learn such good Korean?” you grinned, trying to lighten the mood. To be fair, Johnny only knew really basic phrases in high school and you were surprised to see unaccented Korean flow fluently from his mouth.

“Oh, I was kinda dropped into the Korea and told to swim, ha.”

“Cool.”

Another awkward silence.

“I missed you a lot, Johnny,” you whispered, foot tracing patterns into the floor.

“Me too, Y/N. I… I missed my best friend.”

You bit your lip as you opened your arms for him and he quickly wrapped his arms around your torso. Even with you standing on your toes, with his tall height he had to bend down slightly. So familiar, yet so different. Breathing in the scent of cologne and the clean linen of his shirt, you hoped he would not hear the pounding of your heart through the thin fabric of your dress.

The two of you stood there in the hallway, basking in the warmth of each other’s bodies until the noise of an iPhone shutter sounded.

Johnny lifted his head from your hair and you looked to see Mrs. Suh standing in the doorway, grinning at the screen of her iPhone which was directed at you.

“엄마 (Mom)!” he groaned, not letting go of you yet.

“I wanted to capture my two loves together, okay? Now give Y/N a pair of slippers, please,” she said, bustling off the kitchen once again.

You let go of him slowly, leaning back down onto the floor.

“You know, you look so different Johnny. I didn’t recognize you at first,” you said quietly, raising a hand to caress his jaw.

“I’ve changed a lot,” he responded, equally as soft. A grin split his face as he grabbed your hand. “You can ogle me later, let’s go before mom smacks me for not helping.”

His hand wrapped around your smaller one as he led you to the dining room table. You tried to go to the kitchen and help but used his grip to force you into a seat, citing you were a guest. You weren’t sure if he did it intentionally, but his hand stroked your arm as he let go of your hand to help in the kitchen, a caress so soft it sent shivers down your spine.

When dinner was served and everyone sat down, you could not resist hungrily scooping large portions of Mrs. Suh’s homemade kimchi-jjigae and Mr. Suh’s galbi onto your plate.

“Eat up, eat up, my love. I cooked your favorites.” Mrs. Suh smiled beside you.

You savored in the taste of her cooking as conversation languidly started, regular family chat you remembered from your many dinners here in high school. As you uncrossed your legs, you accidentally kicked Johnny’s long legs under the table. I’m so sorry, you mouthed silently. Turning back to Mrs. Suh, you couldn’t see the devious smirk crawl upon his plump lips.

You found out Mr. and Mrs. Suh were now fully retired. Mr. Suh spent his days at the Korean Golf Association, playing there and running the tournaments they hosted. Mrs. Suh was now fully committed to the church, taking on a busy schedule of events that was getting hard to manage.

Mrs. Suh was complaining about the new church moms when you quietly asked Johnny to pass the radish over, and he complied. Instead of just handing you the dish, he forked over some slices and dipped them in vinegar, just the way you like it. You grinned at him and he leaned over, then his leg brushed the smooth skin of your bare calves. Your eyes widened.

“...you would not believe how many mothers tried to get me to introduce their daughters to John-ah after I showed them a photo…”

You almost choked as his pant clad leg inserted itself between yours, the fabric of his pants tickling various spots on your legs causing every sense to be heightened. Feeling the goosebumps on your arms, you turned an accusing gaze to him but he looked nonplussed, eating his cabbage.

“...but I’ve met them already, and they’re not for Johnny, you know? They never liked Johnny in high school, so why should…”

You frantically grabbed for a glass of water as his knee brushed the inside of your thigh. A small whine left your lips as your pussy tightened, gripping the glass very tight. A drop of moisture collected in your panties, and quickly created a pool as his legs trapped yours.

“... Oh I love Mark-ah and Hyerim, but you were so good with the kids, Y/N-ah!...”

You let a curtain of hair cover your face to hide your reddening expression, breasts heaving as your breathing start to pick up. When his knee started move along the inside of your thigh, your teeth dug into your bottom lip hard enough to bleed, your remaining hand bunching up in your dress. You could see a small smirk form on Johnny’s face while he was eating and you scowled in his direction, squirming from the added moisture in your panties.

“...kids, Y/N-ah?”

You were shaken out of your daze when Mr. and Mrs. Suh looked expectantly at you.

“Sorry, auntie?”

“Do you have a husband? Or wife? How about kids— you are a born mother!”

Johnny’s foot slid to meet your ankle, forcing you to swallow hard. You hoped like hell your nipples wouldn’t peak through your dress. You already knew there was no saving your panties, shifting so your arousal wouldn’t stain your dress or the chair beneath you. You laughed awkwardly. “Ah, no, not quite. My job keeps me traveling around so much and I haven’t had time to start a family.”

“You still want one?”

Images of kids with hair like yours running around sunlit fields, a big house and a big belly, swollen with your baby flashed quickly in your head. Your smile turned sad.

“I’d love nothing more than one.”

Mrs. Suh smiled proudly, and turned to Johnny to nag him about her lack of grandkids or a daughter in law. Johnny had stopped playing footsie with you and was trying to avoid his mom’s hands grabbing at his face, but your breath still ran ragged when something occurred to you about your vision.

Those kids had the same eyes as Johnny.

(So caught up in your thoughts, you didn’t notice Mr. Suh nudge Johnny in the arm, silently telling him to “hurry up”.)

“Y/N, I ban you from the kitchen! You are the guest,” Mrs. Suh stressed, waving you out of the question with a soapy glove.

“Absolutely not. I want to help you clean. Besides, you’re getting old, y’know?” you ribbed, pulling back your hair and grabbing a clean towel. As soon as dinner ended, you bolted out of the room into the kitchen, ignoring the stickiness between your legs.

“Aigoo! Fine, fine,” she relented, rinsing a dirty bowl.

Toweling off the glasses Mrs. Suh had recently cleaned, your gaze had wandered to Johnny’s tall figure in the dining room. As he moved about, Johnny seemed so much more comfortable in his lanky limbs, no longer the awkward kid you knew. His actions were done with surety of someone who knew of his own self-worth, sure of his abilities and flaws. Regret washed over you, mixed in with pride. You were so, so proud of the man you see before your eyes, but you desperately wished you could have been part of it.

Mrs. Suh watched you with a secret smile as your toweling slowed down.

“I know I said it before, but Johnny really missed you.”

“Huh?” you asked dumbly, taken out of your stupor.

“During the first few years after high school, I was so sure Johnny was going to break down. You two had become so busy and slowly lost contact— he didn’t know how to function without you! John-ah was like a blind man, stumbling around, aimless. But one day... it somehow all changed.”

“How?” you asked quietly.

“I found him in his room one day, one of the times he came back home. He was reading some of the Post-It notes he would randomly stick around his room, and it looked faded. I couldn’t see it, of course, but I saw John-ah slip into his pocket. The night I saw him, his eyes were bright, his shoulders, determined. His company took off right after he visited.”

Mrs. Suh stopped cleaning as she gazed at her boy, a small smile playing at her lips.

“I’m so proud of the man he has become. Yet… yet he’s told me he doesn’t feel satisfied, you know? Like there’s something empty in his chest. Like he’s looking for something but he doesn’t know what.”

Your breath caught in your throat and your heartbeat started to pound in your ears. How… how could it be so similar? How could he feel the exact same as what you do?

“Personally, I...I think he needs a family. He wants a girl he can love, and, dear god, you don’t know how much he wants kids.”

If you bit any harder, your lip would bleed onto your pretty dress.

“John-ah… you don’t see the look in his eyes when we pass by a child. He just completely stops listening to the conversation, and it’s like he can’t look away. He told me about your friend’s daughter— Callie, yes?— and then he finally realized how much he wanted kids. So, so much.”

A fine tremor wracked your hand as you put away the plates, lost in your thoughts. It wasn’t as if you were shocked, oh no. It was more the fact that you could finally see it: you and Johnny, looking into each other’s eyes, in each other’s loving embrace as your children with your hair and his eyes slept in the crib in front of you.

Distractedly, you toweled the rest of the dishes and kissed her cheek as you shuffled off to the living room.

“Y/N, dear,” she called out after you.

“Yes, Auntie?”

Her eyes suddenly seemed so old.

“You don’t know how scared he was when he thought Callie was yours.”

As promised, the next day Johnny took you out to the best coffee place in your hometown. Broken Egg Cafe was a small place squeezed in between a boutique and an alcohol store on main street, and it was as shabby as it looked on its facade. Mix and match furniture dotted the rustic food place, dim lighting providing an ambient atmosphere. The cafe was the usual haunt of the local community college kids who liked the hipster atmosphere and comfy spots. That, and it was the place where everyone knew that if you went on a date, you were seriously committed to each other.

Trying not to dwell on it, you sat patiently while scrolling through your phone. A grin lit up your face as you saw the series of photos Mrs. Suh had posted on Facebook, all of the Suh family dinner you partook in. You clicked the heart and saved all the photos, and, embarrassingly, the one where Johnny had led you to the table. You were grinning at each other, his hand resting on your shoulder, as Mr. Suh was reached for something out of frame. Quickly, a few taps had replaced the generic background of your phone with the picture.

Funnily enough, all the photos posted had included you in it. Call yourself crazy, but you expected Mrs. Suh to post a few of her and her husband, or her and her son— but no. You could even see the ones where visible sweat gleaned from your brow, shakily smiling after Johnny had played footsie under the table.

“Y/N!”

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. You gave him a quick glance over and, wow, he looked devilishly handsome today. An old Ramones shirt half-tucked into skinny jeans was an interesting contrast to his usual business attire, his ratty converse slapping on the wood beams as he strode towards you.

He evidently saw your glance-over as a shit-eating grin graced his lips, and you could only ignore the heat in your cheeks then bury your head into his chest.

“Hey sweet girl, how are you?” he whispered into your ear, your shoulders tensing as a breath of hot air hit your sensitive neck.

“Well, you?” you murmured near his neck.

“Great as you can be waiting for the reunion tonight,” he snickered.

A snort passed your lips as you flopped down onto the couch, tucking your feet under you and propping your head on your palm. His lanky figure settled into the couch, limbs comfortably positioned to face you.

“I ordered your ridiculous drink, you know. Grande Chai Tea Latte, 3 Pumps, Skim Milk, Lite Water—”

“—no foam, extra hot?” you asked disbelievingly.

“Yes, your frou-frou white girl drink that’ll cause cavities,” he grumbled.

“I could kiss you, you know that?” you blurted, eyes glued to the server bringing you your drink.

He murmured something as you said your thanks to the server, grasping the cup with 2 hands.

“Huh?”

“Nothing, nothing.”

You rolled your eyes and knocked your knee against his. “Didn’t Auntie tell you to stop doing that?”

Soon, a light hearted conversation reminiscing about the past started up. You could both of you slip back into that easy rhythm that was your dynamic back in high school, joking and ranting to each other. You laughed about everything from the time he took up skateboarding and briefly became emo, the antics the band kids had gotten up to, and even your horrible experience with AP Calculus.

“And, oh my god, remember what Jake did at senior prom? I can’t believe he wasn’t expelled,” you said, eyes wide.

“Jake? My lord and savior, Jake?” Johnny asked, his grin widening. “Man, that was my bro. Swag brothers forever.”

“Johnny, he put smuggled in a chicken. To this day I don’t how he did that!”

“Secret.” He put a finger over his lips. “But, I will tell you I had to distract to Prom Committee by B-Boying.”

You shook your head, hiding a smile. “Prom was so fun, wasn’t it? The theme was great that year, they ordered great food—”

“—You went with me, duh—”

“—and I didn’t trip over my dress! You were an okay date for prom.”

Johnny gasped loudly, and laid a hand over his hard, clearly offended. “Excuse me? I clearly remember you made me trip during the last dance! Here I was, being a great date, leading us through the dance, and you placed a wrong foot forward. You!”

You scoffed, crossing your arms. “That was only because you–” you pressed a finger into his hard chest “–were too close.”

“Can you blame me?” he breathed.

It was in that moment you realized how close you were to him. Somehow, throughout the course of the conversation, you both had scooted closer to each other on the couch and ended up with both your legs tangled together.

“W-what are you talking about, Youngho?”

He sighed, his hands unconsciously seeking out yours. “Y/N, can I be honest?”

“Of course you can, you can always be with me,” you reassured, still confused as hell.

A soft smile came to his face. “I...  the day at the cafe. I was never in town to meet with my old investor. I came here, back to town and this reunion, in hopes of seeing my beautiful best friend.”

“I–”

“Hold on, let me… let me tell you what’s been on my mind.”

His thumb started stroking hands, your mind briefly registering the large difference in size before freaking out at how close he was to you.

“In high school, you were my only good friend. My pillar, my rock, the only one who held my hand before I became...me. From freshman to senior year, you enchanted me and I could only helplessly fall into you, like a singularity Mrs. Kee harped on about in Physics,” he chuckled.

“Sometimes, I would look at you and think, why me? You could have befriended every other boy, but no. It was me. Even when everyone made fun of me and rejected me, it was always me. And god, prom.”

“I was so damn close to telling you how I felt that night, dancing with you for the last song. I mentally prepared myself and everything, I needed to tell you before we graduated, and I opened my mouth and then it hit me: you deserve someone so much better. You had your whole life in front of you, and why should dorky ol’ me hold you back? I didn’t tell you, and I...I don’t regret it.”

Pain rippled over his face then he composed himself, his stare burning into yours.

“I was so lost without you for years. How could I be with you when I didn’t even know where I was going? But that one day… I decided I was going to find myself. Moved to Korea, started a company… you know the rest. I became the best I could be.”

Tears started to well up at the edges of your eyes, and as your lips quivered you brought a soft hand to cheek. You didn’t know his insecurity ran that deep; you thought those little self-deprecating jokes were just that–jokes. What kind of best friend were you that you let him think so badly of himself, from high school and the years that followed?

He leaned into your touch, and the tension evaporated from his broad shoulders.

“10 years later, and I think that maybe, maybe I’m good enough for myself– good enough for you. So I sign myself up for this stupid little reunion, fly back home, yet in that little cafe I was so unprepared to see you.”

His lips brushed over your palm, like the brush of silk, and then he leaned back.

“When I saw you that day, it felt like a dream. I wasn’t sure if I was seeing you for real and when I knew, I was so fucking happy. And, like a cruel imitation of prom, something held me back.”

“I didn’t realize that maybe you moved on without me, maybe you had a family and a new best friend. I felt so stupid at the time, seeing you look so beautiful, thinking I could just waltz back in we could pick up where we left off. It’s no excuse, but it’s why I lied and was a complete asshole towards you. I was so disappointed in myself.”

You couldn’t hear anything around you, see anything around you, and was engulfed by the vision of your best friend looking at you like a prayer.

“What do you feel now, Youngho?” you whispered.

“I will always see you as my everything.”

His lips brushed against your forehead and he walked out before you could process anything.

“Thanks!” Cynthia calls out as she exits the Uber Black XL. You give a wan smile to the driver as you carefully step out onto the pavement.

The golden sign of the Langham shone bright against the rapidly darkening Chicago skyline, reflecting off the mirror-like glass. Perhaps it was the fact that you were a New Yorker, or the fact you were shivering and it wasn’t because of the cold, but you could not concentrate on the sight at all.

“Isn’t this place gorgeous? The girls and I worked hard to get a banquet hall here, like, hard. Who cares about the thirty minute drive when you can get a place like this?” your friend calls out excitedly, sweeping an arm to emphasize to view.

“You did well for yourselves this time. I bet the committee for the class before ours is steaming,” you shakily joked. Well, not quite. As said before, school reunions were huge for your school, each class trying to outdo each other at every turn, from the venue to the catering and more. Your class must be feeling quite proud right now.

“I bet this is so-so for you, city girl,” she ribbed. A yelp escaped your lips, accusingly looking towards her as you rubbed the spot where she elbowed you. “Oh shut up, PTA mom.”

No matter how much you liked to tease her, Cynthia looked the opposite of a PTA mom tonight. Her cocktail attire hugged her post-pregnancy curves, but, looking at her now, she looked like a mix of her youthful party persona with worldly maturity. She definitely would be turning a few heads tonight.

“C’mon, city girl, let’s go. I need to see if everything is perfect!” 

Your 10-year high school reunion was held in a ballroom 2 stories above the street, sumptuous in its decoration and looking more like a corporate dinner than anything else. Dozens of circular tables dotted the floor of the room, each set in the green and gold of your high school colors. A particularly large “Go Spartans! Class of 2XXX” sign was posted right outside the door, attracting people to sign their names onto the banner with a flourish. While you and Cynthia were on time, many people had shown up and milled about the room.

“Oh my god, there’s our val! Let’s see if she’s something cool or just peaked in high school,” Cynthia whispered conspiratorially, dragging your unsure figure towards the crowd.

You tried your best to greet everybody in the large ballroom, but a certain man was still lingering at the forefront of your mind. Every few seconds, you would catch yourself glancing around nervously, especially towards the large double doors that heralded anyone’s arrival. Eventually, when you caught yourself gravitating closer to the entrance, you knew you were being ridiculous.

An expensive-sounding roar sounded outside the building, and a collective head turn had the crowd’s eyes riveted on a white car in the valet lane of the hotel. You didn’t know much about cars, but even looking at it 2 stories up, it looked like something out of a movie. Male murmurs of appreciation were heard as the butterfly doors of the car opened up, even bystanders stopping and staring. You felt a sinking feeling at the bottom of your stomach as a good-looking man in a grey suit stepped out, his black wavy hair visible from a distance.

God, how were you even supposed to talk to Johnny? Somehow, telling him “I’ve secretly pined over you for years and would like to have your babies” didn’t quite do it for you.

“Y/N? Oh my gosh!”

Not this shit again.

Repressing an oncoming headache, you plastered your best fake smile that you put on especially for disagreeable clients and turned towards the snooty, entitled voice that was so familiar.

“Victoria! Wonderful to see you again,” you simpered. Goodness, you could see her fake tan glowing radioactively in the dim light.

“Oh, come here! It’s great to see you here, don’t you look just fab.” Victoria threw her arms out, as if you two were the best of friends, and you stepped into a polite embrace. Granted, now you could see her typical Brooks Brother dress was well-fitted, but screamed “country-club mom!” in your face.

“You’ve got to meet my husband. James, come here!”

A well-built man in a tailored navy suit lumbered towards her, two champagne flutes in his hands. Gazing at his chiseled features and neat blond hair, you could admit Victoria had caught quite the catch.

“Victoria,” he murmured, handing a glass to her. He caught sight of you, his eyes roving predatorily over your body that made you shiver in a not-so-nice way. 

“Sweetheart, would you care to introduce me to your friend?” he said, not taking his eyes off of you.

She clearly noticed the way he was speaking to you, her lined eyes narrowing and her lips curling into a snarl.

“Husband, this is Y/N, an acquaintance of mine. We didn’t hang out with the same crowd, she preferred those geeky types,” Victoria emphasized, making it clear that you were undesirable.

He hummed while still looking at your legs and you could spot the signs of a dysfunctional marriage right away. You saw it in the men you worked with, obviously bored with a taste for female coworkers, even though his wedding band shone bright on his left hand. You sort of felt bad for her, no matter how much of a bitch she was to you.

“Anyways, I saw you were looking for someone. Did you bring any hot hubby?” she giggled a bit too brightly.

You smiled tightly. She was clearly trying to humiliate you, but once her dear husband found out you were single, you wouldn’t be surprised if you found yourself cornered in a hallway. “Not today, Vicky,” you said, knowing it would irritate the hell out of her. Victoria hated the nickname ‘Vicky’, claiming it sounded too country-bumpkin for her tastes.

“That’s right! You’re single, with your fancy office job and all–”

“Y/N, I was looking for you.”

It felt like your senses were on superdrive, hyper-alert of the man standing behind you.

You really weren’t prepared for this. You really, really weren’t. You hadn’t had any time to mentally or emotionally prepare for when you spoke to Johnny the next time you saw him, cowardly languishing in a pool of anxiety and insecurity.

Well, you were L/N Y/N. Hired straight out of college for J.P. Morgan. You were promoted and trusted because you could handle high pressure situations like this. So, you put on your big girl face and turned to see Johnny.

His smirking lips were the first thing you saw, and then his eyes, wolfish and sharp. Johnny was indeed the man in the grey suit with the fancy car, and you could see the way this particular get-up highlighted his lean figure.

“Johnny, hey,” you smiled softly, though you were sure there was a nervous lilt to your voice. Evidently, he caught on as his smirk widened and he stepped closer to you. The whiplash was real. One moment he was a lovestruck boy confessing to you in a coffee shop and the next he was a smooth-tongued man that made your knees weak.

“Johnny Suh? Mister Johnny Suh?”

The pair of you looked towards Victoria’s husband, whom looked awe-struck.

“Yes?” Johnny asked, eyes settling on the man in front of him.

There was no masculine size-up moment you’ve always seen in Wall street meetings, but James postured and simpered his way to Johnny.

“It’s great to meet you! I’m James Bouchard, a financial analyst. I worked with Banksy’s finance department before on the 2015 Orchard project.”

A charming smile made its way onto Johnny’s face, the perfect picture of a suave businessman. As great as it was looking at Johnny in his natural element, it was infinitely more amusing to watch the changing moods on Victoria’s countenance. Currently, she was stuck on shock as she learned more about the boy she shunned.

“Is Ms. Y/N your lovely wife? My wife just introduced me to her, you caught a great one,” he winked, trying to flatter Johnny’s ego. 

Your best friend (crush? Classmate? Acquaintance?) merely chuckled and snaked an arm around your waist. He looked down at you with undisguised admiration, making you blush and look away. “I’d say she was the one that caught me, since we’ve been best friends since high school. Although, your wife didn’t quite seem to like me in high school. Pity.” Unable to resist, you looked sharply up at him. Since when were you his wife? Well, not that you’d protest, but these kinds of decisions require two consenting adults!

James looked down on his wife with malice in his eyes for potentially ruining a lucrative connection that she didn’t even know would exist. Victoria looked deeply embarrassed.

“Well, it was great seeing both of you! C’mon, James, dear, the food looks lovely,” she said brightly, beating out a hasty retreat with James angrily striding behind.

Sitting in silence for a few moments, you finally raised an eyebrow, a common signal that you used to ask him to ‘explain’. He opened his mouth, but a shout of his name had both of you turning towards the origin. Johnny rolled his eyes, and went to speak to you again but louder, greater shouts interrupted him.

“Look, baby, I’ll talk to you later, okay?” he ran a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated at the interruption.

“Go to your swag bros, Johnny. I think they miss you,” you said drily as they began clanging glasses.

“You’re the best,” he kissed your forehead hurriedly. 

“Ooh-la-la, what was that about?” Cynthia sauntered up beside you, looking in the direction of the tall man.

“It was nothing, Cynthia.”

“Nothing? Johnny-with-the-great-biceps called you ‘baby’ and kissed you on the forehead, I don’t think that’s nothing.”

“Cynthia, I…” you bit your lip, discomfited.

Her eyes softened, seeing the deeply troubled set to your face.

“Let’s go to somewhere else.”

“—and now I don’t know what to do!”

Cynthia nodded mutely after hearing you explain the past days’ goings on, from the cafe to the walk and even to the dinner. She was uncharacteristically staying silent, soaking in the information as you recounted the tale.

She looked contemplative for a few moments, before her eyes sought yours. “You want to know what I think?”

“Aren’t you here for that?” you snapped.

She looked you dead in the eye. “You’re being an absolute idiot right now.”

You spluttered for a few seconds. “Uh- what? Hold on, Cynthia—”

“He’s deeply in love with you, and from what I’ve heard you sound like you feel the same. It’s that simple.”

“I-I—”

“Tell me right now, what would happen if he got married right now to someone that wasn’t you?”

“I would die before that would happen!” you snarled. Going back, you realized what you said and quickly deflated. “Well, I… I would be deeply devastated. God, Cynthia, from the time in school to now, I realized I love him. He’s my best friend, my pillar, my rock. He’s been there for me so many times I can’t even count it all.”

“And then it gets even worse knowing that he wants a family too. I don’t know if you know Cynthia, but I’m so lonely up in the big bright lights of New York. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve considered adopting and artificial insemination, even gone to an IVF clinic. But it won’t be the same, because I want a family and my belly round and my kids playing in the backyard, and it scares me that I can see it all with him.”

You sighed glumly. “I should’ve just confessed to him at prom.”

Cynthia smiled sympathetically. “Why don’t you just tell him what you told me?”

“She just did.”

You both started violently, and saw a large shadow blocking the doorway.

Johnny.

Your girl best friend snorted and quickly exited, patting Johnny’s back on her way out.

“Johnny! You scared the hell out of me!” you scolded, your hand on your rapidly rising chest.

A deep laugh rumbled from his chest as he took a seat next to you.

“Do you have something to tell me, baby?”

Heat rose to your cheeks. “Yes.”

“Go on, sweet cheeks. I won’t judge.”

However, his smug grin of a man knowing what’s about to come told you otherwise.

“Johnny!” you whined, flinging a throw pillow at him.

He ducked and snickered. “Fine, fine, I’ll stop.”

You settled down and hugged yourself. “This may not be as long as what you said in the coffee shop, but Johnny… I’ve loved you since freshman year. I’ve loved you in every year after that, even when we got separated for almost a decade. I didn’t realize what I was missing in my life was you, that my life wasn’t right without my best friend by my side. When I came back home I wasn’t expecting anything, but I think an unconscious part of me hoped to see you. Everything I said with Cynthia is true and I—stop staring at me!’’

“I can’t, you’re too beautiful,” he deadpanned, but you saw the mischievous sparkle in his eyes.

“Just kiss me you– you tub of lard!” 

Johnny effortlessly pulled you into his lap to straddle, arms snaking around your hips as he placed his lips onto yours.

All the tension immediately evaporated from your body, as your limbs felt like liquid in his arms. His tongue swiped against the bottom of your lips, and you found a shred of will inside of you and playfully resisted. He squeezed your side, the sensitive bit right under your breasts, and your lips parted automatically as you moaned.

You felt shivers wherever he touched you, but felt it was unfair he was giving and not receiving. Your nails combed through his hair, found a section of hair, tugged sharply.

He growled into the kiss and you felt his hard erection through his dress pants, poking at your inner thigh.

“Still think I’m a tub of lard?” he whispered at the corner of your mouth, flexing his thick thighs underneath you and pulling you closer to his rock-hard chest.

“Mmph, no, Johnny.”

His smoky eyes looked into yours. “Also, don’t, Y/N.”

“...what?” you said confusedly as you calmed down. Did you do something wrong?

“Don’t try to have kids through those… those methods.”

“Do you mean IVF? Artificial insemination?”

A nod.

A frown pulled at your lips and you leaned back unconsciously. “Johnny, don’t you understand? I want my own children so badly I can barely think, okay? I never thought I’d want to have one a few years ago, but call it mother’s instincts— “

“When you have a child, it’s going to be mine. You’re gonna have one the proper way—by me throughly fucking a baby into your cunt,” he hissed through his teeth, right into your ear.

Goosebumps rose along your skin and you clenched his shoulders harder as he suckled kisses along the side of your neck. With some, he even added little presses of the tongue, making you clench your legs around his torso tighter.

“My baby likes dirty talk, doesn’t she? Just like she liked my little game of footsie,” he laughed, puffs of air blooming on your sensitive skin.

“Johnny,” you weakly reprimanded. You then noticed the hands that were clasped at your knees, rubbing the sweet spot underneath, and felt a moisture pool in your lacy thong.

“So, whaddya say? You say yes and I drive to my apartment and fuck you until your stomach swells with my children, or I do it regardless of where we are.”

You finally realize you are heavily making out in a side hallway where someone could see you easily. While the idea was tempting, if not a bit hot, you visualize your naked bodies writhing as he slides in and out of you—

“Yes, please, Johnny, please.”

The ride to his apartment was surprisingly comfortable. After hastily leaving the party, you two hopped into his butterfly sports car and roared down the avenue.

Don’t get it wrong, the sexual tension was there and as present as ever, but it wasn’t awkward in the slightest. You folded your legs up to the side and leaned towards him, his right hand softly stroking your knee while he zoomed down the streets of Chicago.

An elevator ride later, you were admiring the night Chicago skyline from Johnny’s bedroom window as he pressed kisses onto your shoulders.

“Youngho,” you sighed, leaning into him.

He hummed and nipped lightly at your neck.

“C’mon babe, undress for me.”

He sauntered back to the bed as you fumbled with the pins in your hair, shaking your hair loose of the tight up-do it had been in.

You looked back to see Johnny at the edge of the bed, his legs spread wide and leaning back with an arm.

“I haven’t done this in a long time, so I’m probably going to disappoint you,” you warned as you set down the pins with a clink.

“Indulge me. I’ve been fantasizing about this moment since Junior year,” he smirked lazily.

You cast a doubtful look towards him, but obliged nonetheless.

Starting with your jewelry, you unclasped your necklace, earrings, and watch and carefully set them on the counter. Your heels were kicked off to the side, and that was left was your dress. You breathed in deeply and released, methodically unbuttoning your dress until it fell with a soft whisper on the floor.

You looked through your curtain of hair to gauge his reaction and Johnny looked dazed, his eyes slightly glassy with his mouth slightly parted.

“Youngho?”

“C’mere.”

You was sure your gait resembled a newborn foal rather than some sultry vixen, but Johnny did not seem to care. He pulled you into his lap once again, but this time sideways.

His kisses trailed innocently at the top of your bra and you find yourself impatient. “I thought you were going to fuck my cunt?” you pronounced succinctly.

Johnny’s teeth bit harshly at the tops of your breasts, eliciting a harsh hiss from you. “Now you’ve done it, baby.”

You giggled as he practically threw you onto the bed, a male moan of appreciation slipping from his lips when he saw you splayed out for him. He ducked in to steal a kiss, supporting himself with his toned arms and you grasped the back of his head.

Johnny licked a long stripe on your clavicle as you gave a sharp tug on the knot of his tie. Removing the black tie, your fingers quickly got to work unbuttoning his shirt. He got on his knees to tug it off in one glorious motion, exposing his well-built chest to your hungry eyes.

It was surreal to see this Johnny kneeling before you, topless and licking his lips, and it was hard to find any trace of the boy in Naruto pajamas everywhere.

“Get up for me baby, scoot up a bit,” he urged.

As you obeyed, you took the chance to slip off your bra. Heat rose to stay permanently on your cheeks as you unclasped it and shrugged it off. You nipples quickly stiffened to the air and Johnny looked absolutely delighted.

Your eyes tracked him as he leaned forward and carefully weighed one in his large hands. His thumb brushed the soft underside of your breast and your shoulders quivered like a leaf in the wind.

“All for me to play with?” he said under his breath, looking entranced by the pliant flesh in his hands.

Getting between your legs, his tongue laved at the skin of your breasts, “accidental” licks getting you to squirm. Johnny’s plump lips continued their trail to your stomach and finally kissed the edges of your thong.

“May I?” he asked formally, raising his gleaming eyes to yours.

You nodded and his nimble fingers dragged your panties down, forcing you to brace your calves against his shoulders. He tossed them carefully to the vanity before lowering himself to eye level with your pussy.

“My pretty baby has such a pretty pussy, doesn’t she?” he cooed, thumbs rubbing the crux of your thighs.

Whining in agreement, you opened your legs wider for his perusal and looked away in embarrassment.

Johnny tsked and forced your chin to look at down at him. “Look at me.”

He wouldn’t let go until you leaned your head into his palm. He held eye contact with you as he slowly pressed his lips against your labia, your eyes widening and mewl escaping your lips.

You slammed your hand against your mouth as he began exploring, curling into the pillow and looking heavenward. His tongue peaked out and caressed the hood of your clit, beckoning for it to come. You muffled a scream when he used his tongue more liberally, reaching deeper and curling into the walls of your pussy. Your hips lifted off the mattress as you writhed underneath his torturous tongue until Johnny’s hands clamped down and forced your limbs onto the bed.

He was truly gifted at this, easily finding the spots that made you squirm. It felt like hours passed as he used his flexible tongue on you, playing you easily, and you slipped in and out of reality. But then he suckled, and you lost it.

Your limbs flailed as you wailed, suffocated with a blanket of pleasure. You had no idea what to do with your hands, switching places from tugging at your hair to squeezing your arms and even grasping Johnny’s thick locks until you settled for grasped the edges of the pillow next to you.

“No! Johnny, I- I can’t— oh my god—Agh!”

He shushed you quickly, murmuring “you can take it” against your thighs. You felt the pressure inside your stomach build, holding your breath as it inched closer and closer to that edge. Johnny finally pressed his thumb against your clit and you let out a full-throated scream, succumbing to the wave of pleasure dragging you under. Your knees knocked together painfully and you slid further down the mattress, pussy gushing out underneath you.

But no; he cruelly drew it out, kept on rubbing circles into your sensitive flesh until your eyes rolled to the back of your head and were unable to speak.

A few breathless moments passed and he broke the silence. “Not only are my oral skills great, but my oral skills are too” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you rolled your eyes, before yelping as one of the aftershocks wracked your limbs.

Johnny merely chuckled before flipping you onto your stomach, face down on the mattress. Peeking over your shoulder, you glimpsed Johnny tugging off his pants and boxers until his hard erection stood proud, springing back and forth in the air. You gulped; it was a beautiful pink, veiny as hell, topped with a mushroom tip oozing out pre cum. Most importantly, it was huge —you had no idea he was packing that underneath his gym shorts— and looked to be the girth of your wrist.

“Johnny, i-is it gonna fit?” you stuttered nervously.

He smiled proudly at you, his hand stroking his cock up and down. “You have one tight pussy, love, but I’ve prepped you a lot and we’ll make it work. Don’t worry, okay?”

With that he forced your head against the sheets, taking away your vision completely. You felt extremely vulnerable with your butt raised high up in the air, but Johnny quickly grasped your hips and rubbed his cock against the seam of your pussy lips, lathering it in your cum.

“Tell me, baby, how much do you want this?”

“So much!” you murmured into the mattress.

He thrust his hips just a bit and his tip quickly slid in and out of you. “What was that?”

“Johnny, please! I want it so much!” you moaned into the mattress.

“Say it. I want to hear filth from your pretty lips,” he hissed, sounding impatient. He certainly felt impatient, his hands gripping your hips so hard they would surely bruise and his erection throbbing against your quim.

“I want you to fuck me raw with your huge cock! I want your cum leaking from my pussy—please, Johnny, please! Fuck me!” you cried.

“My dirty girl,” he purred. HIs lined his cock up with your entrance and slowly sank in, both of you groaning reactively. His dick stretched you and it toed the line between pain and pleasure but, nevertheless, you sunk your hips into his.

“Not— not too fast, Youngho. You’re really, really big,” you whimpered. He waited for a while before leisurely thrusting in and then picking up pace.

“Oh fuck, Youngho, just like that,” you moaned. He also let out strangled groans of pleasure, echoing in his large bedroom. Crude slaps of flesh against flesh reverberated in your ears, puncturing the sound of blood roaring in your veins. His testes smacked periodically against your clit and you could not stop the indecent noises coming from your mouth.

“Good?” he grunted, his sweaty black bangs sticking to his forehead as he thrust. You could imagine his chest gleaming with sweat from the city lights and the image made you wetter, if possible.

A particularly sharp thrust jolted your hips, and kept his hips flush against yours with his cock in you. “I said, good?”

“Fuck, I like it—it’s so good— and, oh my gosh, I love it, I love it, I love it—” you rambled incoherently.

He snorted and pulled out.

“Youngho, don’t stop—”

“Get on your back, baby. Let me see you.”

With great effort, you rolled over and your vision of him did no justice. He looked ethereal, gleaming in his sweat. Shadows played across his body as his muscles flexed and contracted and you were breathless.

“I’m gonna fuck a baby into you, Y/N.”

A terrible mixture of excitement and arousal arose from you. The idea of him fucking you full of his come and looking down at your round belly was almost too much. You whined up at him, wiggling your hips.

He tsked in disapproval. “Nuh-uh, legs up, sweetheart. Missionary is the best way to get you pregnant.”

You truly were worried that your arousal would leak down your legs as you lifted your limbs up to his broad shoulders. He firmly grasped the sides of your stomach and pulled you closer to him.

As you were watching him with a sort of breathless excitement, he was glued to the sight of his cock sinking into your pussy, bewitched by the way your folds parted for his cock like the blooming of a flower. Johnny quickly put a hand over the lower half of your stomach, thrusting robustly upwards and while you screamed, he wore a shit-eating grin on his face.

“W-What is it, Johnny?” you breathed harshly.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” he groaned loudly as he thrust once more. “F-feel this, baby.”

He put your hand where his had previously been and thrust upwards. Your lips parted in wonder when you felt a small bulge form underneath your hand. His cock was that big?

“Holy—Agh!— shit,” you pant.

His eyes flared with lust as he rammed his cock in again, just to see that little bump appear, and did so again and again until you heard his fancy bed frame start to creak.

This position was by far the best, even if it was good ol’ missionary. The slight curve to his cock caused the head to press deliciously into the walls of your pussy, and you felt him much closer than ever before.

You could spot his thick, muscled thighs ripple with the effort he was putting into fucking you and gripped the sheets much harder. Noises of content, ‘yes’s’ and ‘fuck’s!’ spat out with increasing frequency, permeated the air thick of the scent of sex and sweat.

He slipped your legs off his shoulders and around his waist before supporting himself above you with his veiny forearms. “Homestretch, baby.”

You were cut off from snorting as you screamed, his cock ramming into your hips. In-and-out, the delicious stretch repeating over and over again until you felt a familiar haze spread over you.

“I’m going to stuff you full of cum, Y/N. I’m going to knock you up with the baby you so desperately want, right? A baby with my eyes and your hair?” he growled.

You heart skipped a beat. How did he know what you saw?

“Mmm! Yes, yes! I’ll be barefoot and pregnant for you!”

“Your pussy takes my cock so well, baby, so well, you don’t even know. Fuck, I’m just imagining my cum on your pretty pink pussy lips.”

He went in so deep, until you felt his balls pressing into your ass and the tip of his cock pressing into your womb.You felt so filled, physically and emotionally, as you basked in the man thrusting into you like a piston.

The same in-and-out of reality experience occurred and you found your eyes rolling back into your head, not registering anything else. You felt like you were sinking in molasses, pleasure and bliss cocooning you tight and secure. The familiar wave was starting to build up again.

You came back to your senses as his hand drifted in between you and hovered near the crux of your thighs. In concurrence with his solid thrusting, his thumb began harshly rubbing circles into your clit, zings of delight firing over your whole body.

“Cum, baby, I know you want to. I can feel your tight pussy fluttering all over my cock,” he grunted.

His cock hit your cervix and your hands made vicious marks against his back as you wailed loudly in pleasure. The wave had crested but Johnny had not stopped whatsoever. Your best friend was still in desperate search for his peak that he thrust even faster, overstimulating you so much you inadvertently thrashed to get away from him.

A choked cry left your lips as he ruthlessly pulled your hips back and inserted his cock again, this time slamming into you with a force caused loud creaks from the bed frame.

“You don’t get to stop until there’s a goddamn baby in you. God, I’m going to cum so fucking hard.”

“Fill me up, Johnny.” you goaded. “Make me yours forever. Put a fucking baby in my belly.”

“Shit!” he hissed out.

You felt the spurts of his come from the tip and you wrapped yourself around him tighter as he let out a strangled moan, burying his face into the crook of your neck. Biting the spot between your collarbone and your neck, Johnny added to the collection of red and purple you were sure was already there. He gave little staccato thrusts as you felt more and more cum fill up your pussy, until an obscene squelching sound was heard as he was moving in and out of you.

He panted for a few moments, kneeling back onto the bed and spreading your legs wide. You attempted to cover your seeping pussy but he brushed your hand aside and focused on the small stream of white leaking.

“You look gorgeous like that, Y/N. Tired and sated with my cum leaking out of you.”

You scooped up some of the excess and brought it to your lips, sucking his salty cum off of your fingers one by one. You raised an eyebrow.

He groaned and wrapped you into his side, as if asking the universe “What am I going to do with her?”. You smiled snuggled into his side, happy that you finally weren’t alone anymore.

“Johnny... I’m ovulating today. There is a huge, huge chance of me getting pregnant. D-do you really, really want to this baby? Do you really… do you really want a family? With me?” you whispered.

“Let me show you something.” He climbed out of bed, naked as the day he was born, and returned to the room a navy suit jacket when you saw him at the cafe. He pulled out one of the heart-shaped pink Post-It notes you gave to him ironically during sophomore year and handed it to you.

On the paper, it had a date and some scribbled words.

11/4/2XXX

I’m going to marry Y/N.

“I wrote that in 10th grade,” he murmured beside you. “I’m more confident in myself that I can owe up to those words. I feel like… like I’m worthy of you now.”

“Oh, Youngho,” you sighed, thumb stroking his plump lips. You kissed them and smiled up at the man who was your best friend, your lover—the man you wanted to marry and have kids with. How could you ever repay him for making you feel whole again?  “I accept the you from then and the you now. Whatever you are and wherever you are, you are always worthy of love.”

Please don’t forget to like, comment and reblog! I would also really appreciate that if you liked my work enough, that you would consider supporting me by buying me a kofi at ko-fi.com/caiuscassiuss. Thank you so much for reading!

[thebirdandhersong]

Fairy tale retellings! because I couldn’t help myself (under the cut because I got carried away and remembered my fairy tale retelling phase from middle school........ oh boy)

Cinderella 

Cinderella (2015 Disney live action): beautiful beautiful BEAUTIFUL (the music! the script!! the Hope! the costumes! the dress! the gentleness at its heart! the overall design and the colours!) (I still believe it’s the best live action re-adaptation they’ve come up with so far) (then again they DID have one of the Rogue One writers and Kenneth Branagh--both of whom understand story AND fairy tales--on the team, and possibly the best combination of actors and costume designers)

Cinderella (Disney animated movie): like a dream. Can’t remember it that well because I haven’t watched it in over ten years, but I remember that I loved it

Cinderella, the Rodgers & Hammerstein musical featuring Laura Osnes and Santino Fontana: Laura’s Cinderella is so lively and hopeful and bright and affectionate and I Love Her!!! The script is also surprisingly funny, and the little changes they made (like the fairy godmother being an old beggar woman in the village, the subplot with her stepsister, the scene at the ball where she suggests that they should all be kind to one another, the fact that the prince is called His Royal Highness Christopher Rupert Windemere Vladimir Karl Alexander Francois Reginald Lancelot Herman (HERMAN!) Gregory James....... iconic) added rather than detracted from the themes they chose to emphasize

A Cinderella Story: possibly one of my favourite films. I loved the fact that they knew each other before the ‘ball’. Loved the way the fairy tale was ‘translated’ into the 2000s. The friendship was strong with this one. I had the best time watching this movie. (Dress-wise, Hilary Duff’s dress is my least favourite, but that’s a minor quibble, and is also due to the fact that it has Lily and Laura’s gorgeous fluffy ballgowns to contend with, and that’s not fair competition)

Persuasion, by Jane Austen: does it count?? The way I see it, Persuasion is like Cinderella gone wrong (we discussed this in class, and my prof called Lady Russell a fairy godmother who means well but fails her protege before the story even begins. We talked about Anne’s ‘Cinderella’/makeover moment taking place over a longer period of time, about the ‘evil’ stepsisters, etc. etc. I’m not entirely sure I agree with every single comparison he made, but he made some Very interesting points).... at least the first time :)

Cinder, by Marissa Meyer. Oh, the images!!!!! Marissa Meyer is WONDERFUL at them. You wouldn’t think they’d translate well into a futuristic sci-fi (almost steampunk) world, but she did it SO brilliantly (the slipper! the ‘dress’! the whole family situation!)

Rapunzel

Tangled (Disney animated movie): an absolute joy. Rapunzel is an Ariel-like character who has hopes and dreams of her own, and I love how warm and vivacious and endearingly transparent she is. The dance scene is so, so lovely. (I stand by my opinion that very few little went right with Disney’s fairy tale retellings after Tangled.)

Cress, by Marissa Meyer: once again. Images. I can’t believe she managed to pull Rapunzel-in-space off so well. (Plus she’s a hacker, and such a sweetheart!!)

Beauty and the Beast

Beauty and the Beast (Disney animated movie): Amazing. Gorgeous. Brilliant. The buildings and the music and Belle (Belle, my darling!!) and the darker, more Gothic feel to the art and the design...... Yes

Beauty, by Robin McKinley: knocked it right out of the ball park, right through the atmosphere, right into outer space... The language is so lush and atmospheric, and even though I knew roughly what was going to happen, I loved every moment of it. She puts a special emphasis on family and on human connection and I Loved that so much.

Rose Daughter, by Robin McKinley: also gorgeous!!!!! Beauty is still my favourite of the two, but this one was also a gem. (Again: the emphasis on family and sisterhood!!!)

Beauty and the Beast (the Broadway musical): Susan Egan’s voice is SO lovely. And Home deserved more than just an instrumental reference in the 2017 version.

The Twelve Dancing Princesses

Princess of the Midnight Ball, by Jessica Day George: the Best. The sisters are easier to distinguish, the changes/things she added (the war, the queen’s past, etc.) make the story even more interesting, and Galen is fantastic (courteous, kind, brave, AND likes to knit?? NICE)

The Barbie movie: I loved it when I was a little girl (it is also Muffin-approved!)

The Princess and the Pea

@fictionadventurer​‘s Wodehousian one :) which is an absolute delight. Every once in a while I remember it and then can’t stop smiling

The Goose Girl

The Goose Girl, by Shannon Hale: the Best. And by the Best, I mean the absolute Best. Her writing is so beautiful and her characters are so real and distinctive. The worldbuilding is fascinating. It’s so simple and so beautiful, and is near-perfect as a retelling and as a novel. The rest of the Bayern series is also wonderful!!

The Little Mermaid

The Little Mermaid (Disney movie): can’t remember it very well, except for the chef who wanted to cook Sebastian and also Ariel’s very cool sisters.... the music and Ariel’s character are lovely :)

The Little Android, by Marissa Meyer: genius. The first time I read it, I cried furiously. What does it mean to be human?? Marissa Meyer loves to talk about this in her other books (through malfunctioning robots, androids, werewolves, etc.). And the conclusion she comes to is always the same (and always done so beautifully): it’s about love and sacrifice (and tbh even though she’s talking about this through robots and werewolves, she’s got a point!!! When you act with love and self-sacrifice, you reflect the character of the Maker and His love and self-sacrifice, which is what makes us in that moment the most human--or at least human in the sense that that’s what we were made to be and to do towards our neighbours and enemies)

Ponyo (Studio Ghibli movie): this counts, doesn’t it?? A film that is an absolute joy through and through. It doesn’t completely stick to the original fairy tale but it also talks about compassion, kindness, and love as a choice

The Princess and the Frog

The Princess and the Frog (Disney animated movie): can’t remember it very well, but Anika Noni Rose has a fantastic voice, and I loved Tiana’s practicality, optimism, and kindness

The Prince of the Pond, by Donna Jo Napoli: can’t remember it either (read it in third grade) but basically it’s about how the prince turns into a frog and starts a family with another frog (the story is told from her perspective). I do remember that the ending made me so sad, though

Sleeping Beauty

Sleeping Beauty (Disney movie): can’t remember it at all either, except for: 1) Once Upon a Dream (a brilliant song) and 2) forget pink or blue. I liked her grey dress the most

Spindle’s End, by Robin McKinley: the story was told in such an interesting way (the animals! the way she wrote about love and protecting the people you love and self-sacrifice in familial and platonic relationships!) with Robin McKinley’s beautiful style

East of the Sun, West of the Moon

East, by Edith Pattou: I was obsessed with this book in elementary school. Obsessed. I kept rereading it over and over again because I just loved it so much. It’s been a few years since I’ve read it, but I can remember certain scenes (Rose entering the ballroom for the first time, the white bear’s hulking figure in the doorway, the architecture of the hall where she washes the shirt, her fingers running over the wax, the reunion scene) so vividly as if it had been a movie instead of a book, or if I’d actually been there, experiencing what Rose was experiencing

Orpheus and Eurydice (which kind of counts)

Hadestown (the Broadway musical, the original cast, AND Anais Mitchell’s original concept album): I’ve talked about it so much I probably shouldn’t even start slkfjsdl;kfjlk; I just wanted an excuse to mention it again

Tam Lin

Fire and Hemlock, by Diana Wynne Jones: I loved it when I first read it but I was so confused and so fascinated by it.

The Snow Queen

Frozen (Disney animated movie): no (insert heart emoji)

And contemporary(?) books that are considered modern classics, if not modern fairy tales (depends on how you look at it, really):

Peter Pan

Peter Pan (Disney animated movie): a childhood favourite!!!

Peter and the Starcatchers, by Dave Barry: the whole series is so much fun (and they’re among some of the funniest books I’ve read). This one serves as a sort of prequel to Peter Pan, but it’s safer to say that Dave Barry reimagined the whole story.

Peter and the Starcatcher (Broadway play adaptation of the book, which is a reimagining of the original Peter Pan..... yeah): the source material is incredibly funny, so naturally the play adaptation makes you laugh until your sides feel ready to split (I mean!! You have Christian Borle as Black Stache, Adam Chanler Berat as Peter, Celia Keenan-Bolger as Molly..... they’re all brilliant) The script, the way the cast makes use of the set and props, the perfect comic delivery....... love it

Finding Neverland, a musical adaptation of the movie (the A.R.T. production with Jeremy Jordan as James Barrie): the music is so good, and the way they write about the value of looking at the world through the eyes of a child?? of seeing the beauty in everything?? of hope and imagination and wonder?? If it weren’t for the way it handles adultery (even emotionally cheating!) and divorce :( but Laura Michelle Kelly is absolutely enchanting, and the script is also incredibly funny and heartwarming

Tiger Lily, by Jodi Lynn Anderson: a twisted fairy tale... it was quite disturbing at times, but it was also beautiful and heartbreaking. It’s a darker take on the story, which I tend not to like (at all), but the way it explored Tiger Lily and Peter was quite interestng

The Wizard of Oz

WIcked, the Stephen Schwartz musical--I haven’t read the book: as far as retellings-about-the-villain-of-the-original-story goes this one is my favourite. It is another twisted fairy tale, though, and there’s a constant undercurrent of doom and dread, even in the motifs Stephen Schwartz uses... the ending is not completely happy, but the music is FANTASTIC (Mr. Schwartz also did The Hunchback of Notre Dame and Prince of Egypt!!)

Alice in Wonderland

Alice in Wonderland (Disney movie): another childhood favourite... I also haven’t seen this one in over ten years, but I can still remember specific scenes very clearly in my head

Alice by Heart: a musical about a girl called Alice Spencer whose coping mechanism (quite literally) is Alice in Wonderland. She knows it by heart (again. Literally) and she dives into the world as a form of escapism (LITERALLY. There’s even a song at the end where the characters acknowledge how unhealthy this is). There’s a lot about growing up, losing a loved one, learning to let go... about self-deception and grief and the control one has over one’s life (unfortunately it IS subtly antagonistic towards Christianity at times)..... i do wish that writers didn’t have to treat sexual maturity as the most prominent/interesting part of coming-of-age stories, though. The characters, the set and lighting and costume design (BRILLIANT, by the way!!!!)... all wonderful. But the strangely sexual references can be a bit uncomfortable. (Really!! You can tell a coming-of-age story WITHOUT that stuff, you know!!!!!)

That Disney Movie directed by Tim Burton: wouldn’t recommend. Alice doesn’t need to be a warrior. (At ALL.)

Would also like to mention: Princess Tutu :)

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part eighty one/

Word Count: 8.1k

A/N: To the anon that said Vanity is a sloppy, one dimensional character in my inbox the other day, you can eat a bag of dicks and choke :) Enjoy!

Warnings: language, dash of angst

Taglist:   @aryssav , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, @fandomshit6000, @anntheboneless,  @justjodeye, @supernaturalvikingwhore, @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent,  , @tashy-bear, @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls, @rockersbox, @brooklyn-antiques-deactivated20, @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, @lilytalebi, @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream, @lunamadhatter99, @broke-n-bitchy @thanks2pete,  @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @motherloovebone, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001,  @waywardprincess666, @malibubarbievince, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @zoenicoles, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina​, @primal-screamer @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults​, @cruebaby​, @ggorehorror​, @valentines-in-london​, @miss2001babe​, @nassauartist​  @cmft-jr-winchester​, @bokkie92​, @notworthyofyou1120​ @xrosegoldwolfx​, @lauravic​, @mgkobsessed​, @chaoticvybe​,  @kellysimagines​ @thoughtsoftheantagonist​ @marvelismylifffe​, @sleepyjunhong​  @meetthesixxter​ @sparxx27​ @gingerspicetalks​ @kaitieskidmore1​ @unknownoblivion​ @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy​ @sublimeprincesswasteland​ @kylieinwonderland​ @haileynicoleseavey17​ @lavendersoundbarrier​ @youretheonlyonewhomakesme​, @xxisxxisxxis​, @dogmom2014​, @cruesixxlover1991​, @xpoisonousrosesx​, @cranberrirolls​, @m0rnlngstar​, @love-struck-aries​, @findingmyths​, @i-want-to-shoot-myself​, @arianareirg​, @fentitrbl​, @dogmom2014​ @motleycrueprincess​, @redlipscrystalskies14​, @samanthadegaro​, @oskea93​, @idkmanhereisshitilike​, @idumpyourgrass​, @makaelahdelvalle​, @brideofdraculana​, @patheticgay69​

~January 26th, 1996~

Our heads turned when the door opened up and in cane our new therapist, "Someone move over to the chair please." She stated as I got up, Nikki's hand falling off my lap. I sat in the deep blue chair adjacent to the couch Nikki was on.

"I am Dr. Crystal Peterson." She smiled, pearly white teeth showing through a plum red shade of lipstick as she stuck out her hand for me to shake.

"Vanity."

"Nikki."

She nodded as she put a notepad and a folder down on the table. She put on a pair of glasses that were connected to a beaded necklace, "So, tell me a little about yourself Nikki."

He glanced at me for a second before turning back to Crystal, "Uh...okay-" he cleared his throat with a cough, "Um, I'm in a band. I'm from San Jose but I moved around a lot before I ended up here in San Jose. I play bass in my band and write songs. I like photography um....yeah. That's it." Nikki scratched the top of his head awkwardly.

"Vanity?"

I rolled my eyes, "I was born and raised in Texas to a wealthy family. Moved to LA when I was in my twenties. I work at a diner as hostess. I like shopping and traveling. I have a daughter-"

"We, we have a daughter." Nikki butted in.

"Sorry, we have a daughter. She'll be six in May and her name is Arianna."

Crystal nodded, "Vanity, can you tell me something about Nikki? Anything."

"Um...I don't know-"

"You don't know anything about him?" She cut me off as I stared at her.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. Um, Nikki he uh...he collects knifes and guns?"

"Interesting hobby."

Nikki shrugged, "They're cool."

"Nikki? Can you tell me something about Vanity? Anything you want as well."

Nikki chuckled to himself, "She has my bands name tattooed on her ass cheek."

I glared and rolled my eyes, "Nikki, that's private."

"We're in therapy Van. Relax. Have some fun." Nikki retorted as he reached for his water to take a sip.

"Your paperwork says that you two are not married, but we're engaged and the span of you relationship has lasted ten years give or take? That correct?"

"Off and on." I shrugged, "But really, our relationship didn't start until he got sober. And we were only together for a year and engaged for like eight months."

"But have known each other for around ten? Yes?" We nodded.

"Okay, well let's get to work. "So I see on the checklist uh.....there's quite a few checked off: improving communication, resolving conflicts and disagreements, overcoming adultery, to understand one another better, reducing tension, learning "good" ways to fight, and to stop hurting each other. That's half the list and more than what I've seen in a while."

Awesome.

"Vanity, can you describe your fights with Nikki? Give me all the gory details, it's okay."

I nodded, "Um, it just depends what we're fighting about. Sometimes we just bicker all day over nothing. Other times we are in each other's faces screaming and yelling. Just depends."

"Can you give me an example of bickering and then the latter?"

"Okay, like for example we'll go back and forth about who has to pick up Arianna after school. We'll use snarky comments, uh poke fun at one another. I don't really count our bickering as fighting. I think it's fun."

I knew that was the wrong thing to say by the way Crystal tilted her head, "I mean-I mean it's entertaining. I know it shouldn't be but it is. It's just us."

Crystal looked over at Nikki who sat up a bit taller, "Do you count the bickering as fighting?"

Nikki shook his head, "No, no I don't. I think uh it's normal for us? Like Van said, it's entertaining. Yeah, she's annoying when she does it but it's whatever. It's kinda like our way of communicating.."

"You're annoying too." I blurted out as she put her hand up to silence us.

"Back to you Vanity, describe the actual fighting then."

I chuckled, "Yeah, it's bad. Really bad. Screaming, yelling, name calling. We're both red in the face. It usually takes one of us leaving for a little bit to simmer down."

"Does it get violent?"

I looked at Nikki, "Um...we don't hit each other. Well, I- describe violent please."

"If I have to describe it that lets me believe yes, your fights do get violent." Crystal pointed out as I sighed.

"Sometimes we shove one another. Or I um slap him across the face but he never hits me. Nikki wouldn't ever do that to me. Um...I suffer from severe anger issues and sometimes I throw things. Sometimes at him, sometimes at the wall behind him. He has punched walls and doors before. We sometimes also have to be pulled apart physically." I explained, shifting uncomfortably in the chair.

"Nikki, do you agree with what Vanity's saying?"

Nikki nodded, rolling his neck "Yeah. I agree. We do get bad at times. Sometimes our fights just get so out of hand neither of us know how to bring it back down to a good level. Like uh, sometimes she'll try to get the last word in but when I'm worked up like that I just can't let her have it. So when she tries to walk away from me, I grab her and pull her back in."

It was quiet for a second, the only sound being the pen Crystal was writing with on the notepad. Nikki and I looked at everything but each other.

"Would you say Vanity listens to you Nikki?"

He laughs, "Fuck no she doesn't." I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head, "I ask her to do something and she doesn't do it. I ask her not to do something and she keeps doing it."

"That is not true at all!" I laughed at him, "I do too listen to you!"

"Well Vanity, you have to understand this how Nikki feels. You have to consider his feelings as well. Nikki, can you please explain to Vanity how you think she doesn't listen?"

"Gladly-" Nikki glared proudly, "For example, shopping. I ask you not to spend a lot of money-"

"Oh for fucks sake. It's my money. My families money. It's my bank account and your name is nowhere on it so fuck off. And If I want to rack up a three thousand dollar shopping bill then I gladly will." I quickly interrupted, jumping down his throat as he glared at me.

"Anyways, shopping. She spends an outrageous amount of money all the time and never thinks responsibly with her money. That's what it really boils down too. She doesn't think about the future or plan for a rainy day. Granted, she thinks she doesn't need to plan because she has money and that it's always going to be there because it won't. You never know Vanity, the company can go belly up one day and bye bye trust funds."

"And that's my problem to worry about not yours-"

"...and who do you think will be taking care of you?"

I scoffed, "I do not need you to take care of me! I'm not some fucking child, Nikki! You always treat me like I'm clueless and so naive and I'm not! I have a brain and I can think for myself! And figure things out! I have never needed you to take care of me!"

Dr. Crystal cleared her throat to speak up, "I think Nikki might feel pressure due to society to take care of you. Let's strip away everything and get down to the core of it. He is a man and a man provides for everything-"

"Oh cut the sexist crap. It's not about that. It's about him wanting to control what I do! He never lets me do anything!"

"Never let you do anything? Jesus fucking Christ V. You act like I'm some fucking dictator and I'm not. When I got sober, you still drank. I never threw a fit. Hell, I encouraged it because I didn't want to be that guy. You go to work and have a job. If I wanted to be an asshole I would tell you 'No, You're gonna stay home and raise Arianna.' You go out with Clementine and go to the bar and get drinks wearing a skirt that when you bend over, your ass shows. If I wanted to be a controlling piece of shit I wouldn't let you step foot out of the house like that. The clothes you wear, the things you like to do, the way you do your make up, dyeing your hair. If I had a problem with it I would tell you, but I don't V. I want you to be your own person. I don't give a fuck what you do as long as you stay safe and come back to Arianna."

I stared at Nikki, sighing. I was starting to feel like I was the fucking psycho. Not because he was making it seem that way, but because he made everything make sense to me. Nikki, truly does let me do whatever the fuck I want and never throws a fit unless it is harmful to me.

"Any words on what he just said, Vanity?" Crystal questioned as I shook my head and looked down at the carpet.

"So, I see money is a stressful discussion for you two?"

I felt Nikki look at me, waiting for me to speak up but I didn't, "I-I don't know. We do argue about it sometimes. Not because we don't have it, but because we do. We have an abundance of money we don't know what to do with. From the band, from her families oil company. We're privileged to have it."

"Do you two have a joint checking account?" Crystal questioned and we both shook our heads telling her no, "So why are you worried about money you don't even get to touch, Nikki?"

"Cause Vanity doesn't recognize the value of a dollar."

"Sorry I wasn't fucking poor as a kid." I rolled my eyes, "It's not my fault I was born into the family I have. I know how lucky I am to have it and I do recognize the value of a dollar, ten dollars, hundred dollars, thousand, million, billion. You should be happy we can give Arianna this life Nikki! Instead of struggling like the rest of the world."

Nikki laughed, "Oh yeah, cause having a self centered, snobby, silver spooned brat is so much better."

"Can we take a break please?" I looked at Crystal and she nodded. I quickly got up and left the therapy room. I headed down the hallway to the bathroom to take a breather. I closed the door, locking it as I stepped up to the mirror.

"Pull it together, Vanity." I mumbled to myself, clutching my chest as I felt a heavy feeling in it. It was crushing. I splashed some water on my face and took a few deep breaths. I was starting to get worked up, and if I could and I wouldn't get in trouble id probably jump on Nikki and strangle him. I sighed when someone knocked on the door, "Just a minute!"

"It's me, V..."

I sighed and went over to the door, unlocking it and opening it up just a tad, "What?" I looked at him, the same tired expression mirroring on his face.

"Are you okay?"

"No Nikki! I am not okay." I shouted quietly, opening the door more so I could get out, "Let's just hurry up and get this over for today."

We were back in the office, sitting in our seats. I had a handful of M&Ms and cup of water to calm me down.

"So, can we talk about your twos sex life?"

I guess calm wasn't in the cards today. I felt my face heat up as I took a sip of water, "I don't mind."

"I'm fine with it." Nikki shrugged and got up to get a cup of water, chugging it down before filling it up again.

"I know it might sound like a strange question, but it helps figure out the tension and how your relationship works. That is all. How is the sex life?"

"Good..."

"Just good?" Nikki looked at me with a smirk as I rolled my eyes at him.

Crystal chuckled, "Is it a monogamous relationship? Or do you allow outsiders in?"

"It's just us."

We both watched as she flipped through our papers we filled out before the session, "It says adultery was committed?

"You make it sound like a crime." Nikki chuckled.

"I don't find it fucking funny, Nikki." I glared, a hurt expression on my face as he quickly stopped laughing and looked away from me.

"I cheated years ago and I married my mistress while Van was in New York, giving birth to our daughter who I didn't know existed until last year. We went to a therapist there and we worked it out. It's fine. It's history and doesn't matter anymore." Nikki expresses, lounging back onto the couch like a lazy teenager.

"Vanity?" I looked at Dr. Crystal when she said my name softly, "Does it not matter anymore?"

Of course it fucking mattered.

"It hurts still..." I muttered, looking down at my shoes, "Like a lot.."

It was quiet for a moment between the three of us, feeling both sets of eyes on me. I shook my head and pushed hair out of my face and looked at Crystal, "I-I don't want it to hurt. I don't want to feel any hatred towards Nikki because I know how sorry he is for it, but it's just so damn hard still. I can't set foot in his bedroom, our old bedroom, without my skin crawling. I can't look in his bathroom because all I see is him and Brandi. I can't even sit on his bed because I feel so disgusting knowing she use to sleep in it too. It makes my stomach wrench and twist knowing they attempted to have a life together in a house that was suppose to be for me and him."

"Vanity-" Nikki mumbled my name attention to move closer to me.

"I want to forgive you Nikki, I really fucking do-" I spoke to him through tears in my eyes, "But I can't and that isn't your fault, it's mine. I wish I could let it go and move on so we can be good for the sake of our relationship and for Arianna, but Sixx, I can't trust you."

Nikki was taken back as he slumped down into the couch. He looked away from me and pulled strings off his jeans as he remained quiet.

"I know everyone hates this question, but how does that make you feel Nikki? Granted by your body language and expression, this is the first time you heard it?"

Nikki shrugged, "It makes me feel like shit." He mumbled, "I wish I could take it all back, I really do. It was mistake and I don't know why I did it..."

"Sure you do." Crystal spoke, "Was it because Vanity doesn't listen to you so maybe you'd find someone that would? Was it to prove a point? I think you do know why you did it Nikki." I watched as they remained eye contact, his chest rising with a deep intake of air as he exhaled.

"It's okay, Nik.." I whispered, "I want to know."

"We-" He exhaled a quiet fuck, "We were getting married soon. I-I wasn't getting cold feet! I wasn't. I wanted to marry you. I still do. But I, I Uh, I just had to prove to myself that I was still that guy."

"Getting sober is the best thing I have ever done for myself, but I just needed to know if I was still that Nikki. If I was still that rockstar that could get with any woman I wanted."

My lips parted as my heart sunk to my stomach. I realized right then and there what Brandi was all about: Ego.

"I needed to know, Vanity. And it had nothing to do with you or our relationship. It was me. I just-I just wanted to know if I was still that fucking asshole sober like I was jacked up on heroin and the snap of my fingers I could get someone on their knees for me and I did."

I wiped my eyes, reaching for a tissue from the box on the table, "So what would you have done if Vanity never found out? Would you have continued your affair?"

Nikki shook his head, "No, no I wouldn't have continued-"

"But you married her Nikki." I croaked through a pathetic sob, "You had such an extravagant wedding with her and you even told me you and her were trying to have a baby before you came to New York."

"If you didn't come home that day, I would have never continued my affair. That would have been it. Would I have told you? I don't know, probably not because I know regardless of how it would have turned out you still would have left me." Nikki spoke softly as he wiped his face with the back of his hand, "I cheated on you Vanity and I should have never done that. I shouldn't have jeopardized our life together like that. After everything you and I have been through. I shouldn't have done that, to hurt you like that."

Crystal put her items on the table, "May I ask a question?" We both nodded, "Do you two love each other?"

I nodded, "Yes, I love him with everything I have."

"Yeah, of course. I love her to fucking death."

Crystal nodded, glancing between the both of us, "Now do you really love each other or are you just pretending for the sake of your daughter? I ask that because from an outsider looking in, it seems like that spark, light, connection, whatever it is you want to call it has went out."

"Of course. I still love her. We're still in love like we were back then. We just have to work through it, right Van?" Nikki looked at me, his small grin slowly leaving his face as he studied mine, "Right?"

My mouth opened to say something but nothing came out. It was as if someone had a grip around my voice box. Nikki's soft expression quickly turned into confusion and anger.

"I-I love you. But I just don't know if I'm in love with you. I want to be with you because I can't picture myself with anyone else but you and I know it doesn't make sense but I can't see us together right now in my head. I look at you and I just feel hurt and guilt and pain. But I also feel all the love I've had before with you and happiness. And I want that back Nikki." More tears started coming as he stared, his head shaking as he listened to me, "..and I want to be like that with you again but just not right now."

"Okay..." Crystal cleared her throat, "To help with that, I suggest maybe finding some hobbies to do together outside of the house and without Arianna so you two can focus on each other. Do you think that could be something the each of you can do? Maybe you pick something for you and her to do Nikki, and Vanity you do the same."

Nikki nodded, "Yeah, I don't mind doing that." He looked at me and I nodded, "We can do that."

"Great. How about you come back in two weeks and we can talk some more. I look forward to working with you two."

After we made our next appointment, Nikki walked ahead of me, taking long strides to the car. I frowned and held my purse as he got in the car and waited for me. I slid in and buckled up as I watched him dig a cigarette out of the glove compartment, "Can I have one?" I asked quietly. He took the one he had lit between his teeth and handed it to me before grabbing another.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked, inhaling as I looked out the window.

"No, I'm not mad. I'm just...I don't know. But I'm not mad or angry or upset with you." Nikki stated as he reached over to give my thigh a light squeeze before he turned up the volume of the radio.

*A few days later*

I was finishing up my shift at the diner, splitting tips I had received today so I can give them to the girls so they can have. I grabbed my notepad when the door chimed, a smile on my face but it went away when I saw Clementine, "Booth?" She nodded and I lead the way. I put a menu down on the table as she sat down.

"Can I have some hot water and tea bags, please?" She asked, smiling as I nodded. I went to retrieve some for her as I brought a carafe of water back. I poured some into her cup before placing it on the table.

"Can I get you anything else?" I held the notepad and pen in my hand as she shook her head, "Okay, then I'll have Annabelle ring you up when you're done. There is no rush at all-"

"Actually, can I get some time with my favorite waitress here." She leaned towards me, "And the prettiest too."

I chuckled at Clementine and slid into the booth with her, "You really think I'm the prettiest waitress here?"

"Of course princess vain." She teases and glanced at me, "I want you to listen to me because I am only saying it once and I really don't want to repeat myself."

I shifted in the seat, crossing my knee over the other, "O-okay.." I cleared my throat and stared at her.

"I am sorry for being a cunt. You were right, Van. I should have moved out sooner. I was barely home and Arianna didn't need me anymore, with her being at school and you and Nikki doing a wonderful job with her. So I am sorry for how I was acting."

I shook my head, "No, no. You weren't being a cunt. I was being one, I should have tried harder to defend you and actually listen to what you had to say. But I just didn't know what to say, Clemmy. I-I was just in shock or denial about the check and everything else."

"No, I should have just left without showing you the check." She sighed, "I should have at least told you sooner and not hide it. But Van, you were so happy with Nikki being in New York. I've never seen you that happy before so I just decided to keep my mouth shut." Clementine expressed as she held the cup of tea in her hands.

I shook my head in frustration, "I'm sorry he even did that to you Clementine. I know you want an apology from Nikki but I don't know if you'll ever get it." I frowned, tapping my nails on the table as I rested my chin in my other palm, "I'm just put in a really weird spot when you two fight. I want to defend you and I want to defend him and I don't ever know what to do so I get upset because I have no control over the situation and that's when I lash out."

Clementine raised an eyebrow, "Are you going to therapy again? Because that's a very therapeutic thing to say." She chuckled as I smiled at her.

"Well, Nikki and I are trying our relationship counseling to see if it helps us. It was his idea, he thinks I don't love him anymore." I rolled my eyes and chuckled, "But I've missed you so much and the day at the studio when you were so standoffish hurt so bad. But I know how you are when you get upset so I should have expected it."

Clementine laughed, "Yeah, I don't know why you thought talking to me would have worked."

"I don't know, maybe you would have ate enough of Tommy's edibles and forgot about it." I chuckled a bit and glanced over when the door chime went off, seeing Nikki take off his sunglasses as he scoured the place for me.

"Well maybe next time I'll consider it-" Clementine grinned, "How about a girls trip this weekend? Maybe rent a hotel room and have a spa day. Arianna can come too. I know she likes to eat the cucumber slices."

I got out of the booth as Nikki sauntered over to us, "Maybe. I'll let you know. Nikki wants to do the bonding activities our therapist suggested we do. I love you." I bent over and gave her a tight hug.

"I love you too, just let me know." She pulled away from me when she saw Nikki.

*Nikki's POV*

I walked through the doors of the diner, glancing around for Vanity. I groaned when I saw she was sitting with Clementine and laughing. I forced a smile as I walked up to them, "Sorry to interrupt....can I talk to you for a minute?"

Vanity nodded and gave Clem as smile as I walked over to the cash register with her, "Is everything okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah I just wanted to see you." I smiled as she did the same.

"Sorry I left in such a rush this morning. I slept through my alarm. Was Arianna easy to get up?" Van asked as she leaned against the counter in front of me.

"Oh yeah she was good. She hated how I did her ponytail but it went okay. Are you almost off?" I looked at her and scooted over when someone needed to get past.

"Um in about thirty minutes I will be. Why? What are you up too?" She chuckled and sat down on the leather barstool.

"I thought maybe we could go to the beach.." I had thought about what our therapist had said about hanging out together and having fun.

"Oh. Okay! Yeah, Arianna would love that. It's kinda gloomy today but that's okay." She smiled, "Just let me finish up and if you wanna pick her up from school and wait for me at home?"

"No, I Uh...I wanted it to just be us..."

She stared at me for a moment before the lightbulb turned on, "I see, from what the therapist said. Um...."

"I was going to pick her up and I asked Jessie if she could come over for a few hours to watch her. Only if you want too though. I'm sure you're tired from working all day. But there's this nice little path that drops down onto a beach I know of. It's not a hard hike at all." I suggested, becoming nervous as she looked around at customers leaving.

"Okay. That sounds good to me, Nik. I just want to change when I get home and we can go." Vanity smiled at me, reaching for my hand and squeezing it a bit. It made me feel better, but also this is the first time she's physically touched me since we went to therapy.

After I left the diner with a free milkshake, I was standing outside my car waiting for Arianna. I heard the school bell ring and out came a whole bunch of kids running to their parents. I smiled when I saw Arianna dragging her backpack on the concrete behind her, Must have been a rough day. I chuckled to myself and reached into the car and grabbed a milkshake for her, "Hi daddy."

"Hey angel! How was school?" I picked her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek "I stopped and saw Mommy at work and she made this for you."

"Somebody took my dolly." She frowned and laid her head on my shoulder and sipped on the milkshake.

"Your dolly? Baby, you know you can't bring your toys to school." I sighed as I put her down on the ground "Let's go get it-oh Miss. Martinez, hi. Arianna was just telling me someone took her doll?"

Her teacher chuckled and held out her toy to me, "I told Arianna she could get it back at the end of the day. She had a really rough day. Her toy was preventing her from paying attention in class.

Arianna glared, "You're being mean poopy head."

I crouched down, "Look at me, Arianna." I spoke sternly as she kicked rocks on the ground and tried going to open the car door until I blocked her, "Arianna Lynn Blackwood, look at me."

She finally made eye contact, "You do not talk to your teacher like that and you do not bring toys to school. Do you understand me? I will wash your mouth out with soap. Got it?"

She nodded, bottom lip quivering as she gave me her signature puppy dog eyes whenever she was in trouble. I stood up and opened the door for her, "Sorry about that. We'll make sure she won't bring anymore toys to school."

"It's okay Nikki. She did have a minor outburst when we took the toy away so she did have to sit out in the hall, but after that she was a peach as usual. Everyone has their good days and bad days. Have a good weekend and tell Vanity I say hello." Her teacher reassured as I nodded.

"Of course. See ya Monday." I waved to her before getting into the car, "You buckled up?" I spoke, looking at Arianna through the mirror as she nodded, pouting and giving me the silent treatment.

Like mother like daughter.

We got home, seeing Van had already made it before us. I opened up the door for Ari and watched as she got out of the car, letting her backpack swing and hit me in the knees, "Loose the 'tude, dude." I ruffled her hair as she pushed her hand off of me.

Vanity was inside sitting in the living room chatting with Jessie, "Hi baby!" She yelled opening up her arms for Arianna.

"Arianna had a bad day at school." I told her as Van quirked an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? Can I see your folder?" Van asked holding her hand out but Arianna shook her head , "One...two...thank you." Vanity grabbed the backpack when Arianna handed it out to her.

"She has a folder that gets sent home with paperwork and news from the school...and her behavior for the week." She explained, showing me as I looked at it. I didn't know about this:

‘Monday, great day today. Very helpful with cleanup and sharing markers with the other kids. 

Tuesday, Got frustrated over some counting cards and threw them on floor, but picked them up when I asked the first time. Other than that it was a good day.

Wednesday, wonderful today! Got two gold stars on the chart, three more and she can get a prize from the treasure chest! Her handwriting is improving!

Thursday, she read 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' during reading time to the class. No problems at all. Very impressed with how much she likes to read!

 Friday, came in this morning with a very poor attitude. Didn't want to hang up her backpack and jacket after dad left, wouldn't share paint during activities. I had to ask her three times to put her doll away before I held onto it the rest of class time. Had to take away one of her gold stars. Please leave toys at home. Was very uncooperative today and only ate half of her lunch. -Miss M.’

"Arianna..."

"Mommy, I'm sorry." Arianna frowned as she climbed up on the couch and sat next to Jessie.

Van sighed as she looked at me, "I don't think we should go today, maybe tomorrow..."

I shook my head, "What? No, no. Just cause she had a bad day doesn't mean anything. Arianna, no TV tonight."

"Daddy! No!!" Arianna yelled at me, her face getting red as she got off the couch and marched over to me, "I want to watch TV!" She shoved my legs as I stared down at her, shocked over her outburst.

"Okay...Jessie, thank you but you don't need to watch her tonight." Van says apologetically as she went over to her purse and handed Jessie a twenty, "Maybe we can try again tomorrow. It's your deposit." Van cracked a smile as Jessie laughed and took it.

"Thank you. I'll see you later Ari."

Ari pouted even more as Jessie left, "You're being mean!" She shoved my legs again as I quickly picked her up and brought her over to her little pink chair in the corner.

"You're going in time out, Arianna." I retorted and placed her down on her butt, "You're going to sit here and think about how you're acting-Arianna!" I shouted when she quickly got off the chair and started running up the stairs.

"Arianna! What is the matter!" Van quickly grabbed her and brought her back over to the seat, "You do not talk to daddy like that! And you don't push him either!"

"But you do it!" She yelled in Vans face, tears streaming down her cheeks, "You push daddy all the time!"

Fuck!

Van stared at her, "Five minutes Arianna. Then you're going to your room. I mean it. Do not move from this chair or you'll get your butt spanked, got it?"

That sent Arianna over the edge as she started crying uncontrollably. Vanity backed away from her and stepped out into the backyard, "No! Go away Anna!" Ari kicked her legs out when Anarchy got close to her.

"Come on girl." I muttered as we both went into the backyard, "Van?" I noticed that she was sitting on the outdoor couch crying, "Shit, doll. It's okay." I sat down next to her and wrapped my arms around her, her head leaning against my chest.

"We-we can't fight in front of her Nikki." She sobbed to me as I kissed the top of her head, "Shes at an age where she just absorbs everything now! Damnit." I rubbed her back as she shook in my arms, her tears bleeding through my shirt.

"We'll get better Van. I promise." I took my arms away when she sat up and wiped her face, "No more fighting in front of Arianna. She doesn't need to hear or see our death matches."

Van nodded, "I really wanted to go to the beach with you." She sniffled, looking in through the glass doors to see Arianna was still sitting.

I smiled a bit and rubbed the back of her neck, "It's okay. Just like you said, we can go tomorrow." I kissed the top of her head as she relaxed back into the cushion, "Just let her get her tantrum out for now and we can explain to her later how mommy and daddy sometimes don't get along."

"Because daddy's mean." Van chuckled a bit and looked up at me and gave my cheek a quick peck.

"Hmm, call me daddy again." I laughed as Van swatted my chest and shook her head.

We went back inside seeing that Arianna had calmed down, "Go get a juice box and go to your room for a little bit." I told Arianna as she went to the kitchen before going up the stairs sulking as Anarchy followed after her.

I groaned and laid down on the couch, kicking off my boots, "She's literally the mini version of you."

Vanity chuckled and hanged Arianna's backpack up on the hook, "I can only imagine how she's gonna be when she's older."

"A fuckin demon. We'll probably need to call a priest." I grinned as I sat up and patted the spot next to me, "So the beach tomorrow?"

"Maybe if she has a better attitude. I don't want to leave her alone with Jessie if she's still acting like that. But maybe I can call Clementine, I also know Arianna has been asking to see her and Tommy." Van explained to me as she grabbed the remote and turned on the TV.

"So are you two good now?" I asked, rubbing the back of my neck, "Best friends again?"

Van nodded as she glanced at me for a split second before putting on MTV, "Yeah, we're okay now. We talked about it. She said she was sorry for being so distant and I apologized as well. Just no more being mean to Clementine, okay?"

My jaw clenched as I nodded, "Yeah. Of course."

*Next Morning*

~Vanity's POV~

"Nikki, you dyed all your undershirts pink!" I groaned as I pulled them out of the washer, seeing the red and black checkered boxers lying at the bottom.

Nikki came into the laundry room and looked at all of his wet clothes, "Eh, not a big deal. Plus, I was tired last night and just threw it all in."

"Don't ever do my laundry." I chuckled as I started the dryer just to put more clothes into the washer. I left the laundry room, smelling the sweetness of French toast cooking.

"Arianna! Breakfast is ready!" Nikki yelled for her as she came from the living room, blanket wrapped around her body as she climbed up into her spot at the table.

"Tank you." She spoke quietly as Nikki put a plate down in front of her and a small bowl of orange slices on the side, "Mommy, can we go to the park today. The one with the really big slide?"

I smiled at her and then Nikki when he put a plate and a cup of coffee before me, "Actually baby, you're gonna go hang out with Auntie and uncle Tommy while me and daddy go do some things."

"I get to see auntie!?!" She exclaimed as her smile was wide and her giggle was contagious.

"Yes Ari. She's gonna come get you in a hour and you'll hang out with her and T for the day. So eat your breakfast so you can get ready." I watched as she started to scarf down her breakfast.

"Where's she taking her?" Nikki asked as he sat across from me.

"I think her and Tommy want to take Ari to this interactive exploratorium downtown? She gets to learn things plus it's hands on and then probably get something for lunch." I looked at him, pointing to the syrup dripping onto his goatee.

He wiped it away and then rubbed the remnants on his pajama pants, "Is it that new one? I wanted to take her there. It looks like a lot of fun. You can even walk through space and you can dig up dinosaur bones."

I chuckled, "Yes the new one. We can always take her there some other time. It's not a big deal."

"Mom I'm done."

"Eat your fruit."

"You're right. It gives us enough time to spend together anyways. We can bring Anarchy too." I looked at him for a moment before I continued eating my breakfast.

Nikki's been saying I'm right to a lot of things lately. I don't know if he actually means that or if he's just saying it instead of starting an argument.

After Arianna was done eating I helped her get ready for the day. She sat on the floor between my legs as I french braided her hair, "You need to behave today, you hear me? If auntie calls and me and daddy have to come get you, there will be no TV for the rest of the weekend."

Arianna nodded as I tied the braids with yellow rubber bands. I kissed the back of her head as she leaned into my chest and stared up at me.

"Brat." I chuckled and tickled her stomach as she started giggling.

"Nuh uh!" She pressed my arms to my side as she stood up to grab her shoes. I watched as she put them on and tried to tie them herself. I grabbed a backpack and put an extra set of clothes in it just in case.

I looked behind me when there was a loud bang. I chuckled seeing Arianna rip off her shoes and throw them back in the closet before crawling around for her slip on light up tennis shoes.

"We'll practice tying them later." I handed over her backpack as she took it. I reached for a jacket behind her door and followed her down the stairs.

"Tommy's here!" Nikki shouted as I heard boisterous laughter coming from the front door.

"What's up munchkin?! You ready?" Tommy crouches down as Arianna ran to him and he picked her up, "Me and auntie have such a fun day planned for you. You get to hang with the cool kids today."

Arianna smirked at me and stuck her tongue out at Nikki. I chuckled and gave Ari a kiss on the cheek, "Where's Clem?"

"Ah...she was finishing up some commission and she'll be ready when we get back. I don't know how she got this job, but she's making a piece for Bon Jovi." Tommy grinned smirking at Nikki, "Your best friend."

Hm.

"The dudes a fucking flake man." Nikki rolled his eyes, "Sorry, freaking flake. But yeah, good for her for making her own money."

Tommy rolled his eyes, "Shut up. Uh...anytime you want her back by?"

I shrugged, "Whenever you guys are done. Him and I are gonna go to the beach and whatever else he has planned."

Tommy nodded and put Arianna down on the floor, "Alright little sixxter lets go. Bye guys!" Arianna bolted out the door as she waved to us before Tommy helped her into the backseat.

"You ready?" I looked at Nikki when he asked and nodded, "I made some sandwiches for us and grabbed some drinks too."

"Okay." I chuckled as I grabbed Anarchy's leash off the hook. Her tail started wagging instantly as well as her barking excitedly, "I know I know you're ready to go too."

*An hour later*

I glanced out the window as we were on the outskirts of Malibu and past all the fancy houses were surrounded by already in Hidden Hills. Nikki pulled off onto a winding dirt road with green hills on each side, "Are you actually going to kill me out here?"

His lips pulled into a smirk but he remained quiet and came to a stop where a yellow dead end sign was posted on a old chain link fence. He then locked the doors, "Nikki! Stop!"

He started laughing and took the keys out of the ignition before unlocking the doors and getting out, "It was too good to pass up. I knew you'd freak out."

I rolled my eyes and looked around, smelling the salt in the air and hearing the waves crashing on the shoreline, "That wasn't funny." I mumbled as he handed me a backpack before putting the camera strap around his neck.

"Till death do us part, Princess." He grinned before grabbing a hold of Anarchy's leash, "Come on. We gotta go through the fence."

I followed him as there was an opening with the chain link rolled back but long wispy branches from the tree blocking it, "Are you sure this isn't like trespassing?" I asked Nikki as I went through and watched him help Anarchy through it next.

"You know, I'm actually not that sure. I found this one night a few years ago when I was just riding on the Harley." He explained to me as we started walking down the trail. He unhooked Anarchy's leash and she started running ahead of us.

I looked around at the grassy hills with a light mist resting on top of them. There was fields of California peonies that ran along the man made path down to the beach. I heard the shutter of a camera and turned around when Nikki was taking a picture of the coastline.

"So why'd you wanna take me here?" I asked him, bending down when Anarchy dropped a stick in front of me and I chucked it for her.

"I've read that nature is relaxing and soothing. Plus I thought maybe we could use the peace and quiet since it's been kinda hectic lately..." he trailed off as he snapped another picture of Anarchy running up to me.

"Yeah, it has been.." I grabbed the stick and threw it for her again, "So how's the album? Do you know when you guys will be done?"

Nikki caught you and walked beside me, "Uh...actually I have a demo cassette in the car if you wanted to listen to it. It's real fucking good, Van. It's hard, it's rough. It's perfect."

I smiled at him, "I'd love to listen to it. I'm sure I'd like it Nikki. I know all of you have been working hard on it."

"You know, John is so talented. Like he's helped write the lyrics and come up with the sound. Hell, he can even play guitar and cover things that Mick normally wouldn't be able to. It's great."

The trail lead us over a small hill as we dropped down onto old wooden stairs that led down to the beach, "So if you have the demo that means you'll be ready to release the album soon, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I wanna say maybe by March the album will be ready. We're just self titling so we don't gotta get clever with it."

I chuckled, "Mötley Crüe by Mötley Crüe?" He grinned and nodded, "I like it."

"Okay next question, album comes so does the tour....what are we doing? Because I know you want us to come but I'm not sure how i feel about bringing Arianna."

Nikki exhaled deeply, "I would like both of you to be with me. I don't want to leave you two at home by yourselves for that long. I could make sure we have our own space so she isn't around anything bad, not that they're would be anything bad! Except for the booze and culture of touring with a rock band."

I grinned at Nikki and nudged his side with my elbow, "That is pretty bad. I'm just concerned of her falling behind in school and she would be so overwhelmed with everything going on she wouldn't focus on any school work I'd help her with. Her sleep schedule would be completely off, and plus Anarchy, I don't want to board her for months. Plus with us and how we've been fighting whose to say we wouldn't on tour? I don't want to go on tour Nikki."

I knew he was getting frustrated with my by the way he shook his head and rolled his neck from side to side, "Okay well what if we work it out with the people that book the shows and venues and we could stop in Dallas and maybe your mom can keep her for a bit?"

I laughed, "Oh my god. You're actually serious? Leaving Arianna with my mother would be such a horrible idea. No we aren't doing that either."

"Van come on. Why not? Why can't we just agree on something for once? Arianna would probably love to go on tour and see me on stage and go to a bunch of cool places too. We could go somewhere neat in every city and whose to say we can't bring Anarchy with us? It's my band." He laughs and wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me to him when we get on the beach.

I rest my cheek on his chest, "If, and I'm saying if. If my mom does hypothetically say yes how long would we leave her for her. I'm not to thrilled about leaving her anywhere. Not after New York."

I never wanted Arianna to think I abandoned her ever again.

"A month? Gives us a break and time to be adults. Plus we both know she'd have the time of her life being spoiled down there on the family farm with Theo and Betty." Nikki laughed as Anarchy came up and dropped seaweed on his shoes, "Nice, thanks girl." Nikki rolled his eyes and picked it off before throwing her stick far across the shore, "So is that a yes?"

I glanced at Nikki, "It's a maybe and let me think about it."

Nikki nodded and gave my ass a light smack before pulling away from me, "Can I take some pictures of you? You are my favorite model after all."

[kaitycole]

Tiptoeing with Temptation

Summary: Jackson is still reminiscing; Constantine goes to Portavira, Bianca heads back to Texas while Jackson and Eleanor find themselves alone at Valtoria.

Word Count: 3216

Pairings: Constantine x Eleanor, Eleanor x Jackson, Jackson x Bianca

Warnings: Mentions of divorce, mentions of s*x, mention of adultery

A/N: i just want to thank everyone who reads this series and any of my writings. You guys bring such joy into my life and I can never fully repay that. Sorry for the sappiness, I’m a tad emotional right now. 

Song Choice: Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Part 14 of WP. To catch up, read here.

Tag List: @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @kingliam2019  @texaskitten30 @glaimtruelovealways @bobasheebaby  @bascmve01  @burnsoslow  @the-everlasting-dream  @ao719  @sirbeepsalot  @janezillow  @i-bloody-love-drake-walker  @kimmiedoo5  @choices97 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @lodberg  @edgiestwinter  @marshmallowsandfire @hopefulmoonobject @iaminlovewithtrr  @cordonianroyalty  @rafasgirl23415  

The thing about summer is it’s full of heat and passion, but fall always follows and brings cooler weather. And just as sudden as the heat of the royal couple appeared, the coolness fall brings crept in almost as fast.

It had begun as a tiny misunderstanding. Wires got crossed and Constantine misheard Eleanor’s request. The small incident was amplified when Constantine made plans to break the peace treaty between Cordonia and Auvernal due to talks of a coup. While it had been years since she has even stepped foot on Auvernese soil, it was still her home country. A place she assumed he knew was off-limits. She took it personally and decided to hit back.

When Constantine asked for support of a new trade route, which excluded Auvernal, she blocked it. The same when he tried to entertain political engagements for both of the Rys princes. Up until now, the couple had been able to separate business from pleasure, but as the days progressed it started seeping into their personal lives.

“I’m planning on taking the boys with me for the trade summit in Portavira, okay?”

“Are you asking or telling?” She refuses to look at him, keeping her focus on removing her jewelry. The two have been at somewhat of a stalemate for the last three days. He didn’t talk much about his political dealings with her anymore and she found no reason to involve him in hers. Constantine continues to try to mend things, but Eleanor refuses to hear it.

He pinches the bridge of his nose as he tries to calm down, she really knew exactly how to get on his last nerve. “I’m trying to see if you would like to join us.”

“No.” She gets up and brushes passed him, walking into the bathroom.

“It would look extremely rude for most of the royal family to go and the queen remains at home. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“But I’m not staying at the palace, so it will simply look as though our plans overlapped. You will send my regards, won’t you?”

Constantine stares at the wall in front of him, truly contemplating bashing his head into it. Or at least finishing the conversation with it, since it just be more talkative than his wife. He hears her turn the shower on and leans against the door frame. “And where pray tell are you going to be?”

Eleanor finishes undressing before she slides the glass door open. She steps in and before sliding it closed answers him, “Valtoria.”

Taking yet another deep breath, he wonders if his father Edgar or his grandfather Augustus ever had moments like this. Arguing with their wives in the bathroom instead of any other room in the whole damn palace. “And why are you going there, my love?”

“I can’t hear you. You’ll have to get in if you wanna talk or you can wait until I’m done.”

Shaking his head, he walks away from the bathroom door and sits on their bed. He couldn’t believe this, he was king of an entire damn country yet he couldn’t get his own wife to just hear him out. He knew that she knew exactly what she was doing, that he’d cave. He always caved for her which was why when she got upset over talk of breaking their peace treaty with Auvernal, he ended the discussion. He did all that for her, but she refused to even hear him out anymore.

Several moments pass before Constantine pushes himself off the bed and storms into the bathroom.

“Why are you going to Valtoria?”

“I told you join me or wait.”

He slams his hand on the sink counter. Losing his cool for the first time in months. He hates that he’s like this again, his anger getting the best of him, “Dammit, Eleanor, could you act like an adult!”

The water immediately cuts off, she opens the door wide enough to pull in her towel before she walks out, fully wrapped in the towel. “Happy?”

“Overjoyed. Please answer my question.”

She sighs as if he’s the one that’s being stubborn, “I’m looking into the budgets of surrounding duchies, seeing if and where I can make cuts.”

“You can’t just reschedule that? Or ask the maids?”

“That’s the cop out way. As queen, I should go.” She brushes out her hair before walking out into their room. “I have already made arrangements, it’d be rude to cancel.”

He knows he isn’t going to win. Her mind is already made up and all he can do is go along with it. “Okay. Have you decided on the guards that will accompany you?”

Her head snaps over to him. That had been the last thing on her mind, typically she always went places with Constantine so she didn’t have to plan such things. She plunks a night gown from her dresser and gets dressed ignoring her husband.

“I’ll take that as a no. I’ll assign a few to your trip.” He walks by her, stopping to kiss her on the cheek. Eleanor watches as he leaves, knowing he’ll just end up sleeping on the couch in his study.

*          *

“Are you sure about this?” Jackson looks at Bianca with an uneasy feeling.

“Yes. Tonya needs me, she’s going through a divorce.”

He runs his hand through his hair and down his neck before sighing, “I understand that, but taking the kids?”

“I think they will be good for her. She’s never even met Savannah, so she’d love to spoil them.” She stops packing and looks at him, “Plus, it’d be good for kids to get away from here for a bit.” Bianca has never told him outright, but he knew that she’d been uneasy about his position since the ball and the rumor. She felt that their children would be better away from court life and rumors, no matter how much Drake and Liam enjoyed being friends.

“At least let me go with you. Both kids on a plane won’t be easy.”

“You just took two weeks off not too long ago. We will be fine; I’m used to handling them alone anyways.” She shrugs, Jackson picks up on her subtle jab.

Before he could protest any further, his phone starts ringing. It was a private number, so he knew it was coming from a secured line at the palace.

“I have to take this.” Bianca makes a face before shaking her head, “It’s work.”

“Officer Walker speaking.”

“Could you come in? You have a new assignment.” Bastien asks.

“On my way.” He walks over to his wife and kisses her on the forehead, “I shouldn’t be long.”

*          *

“I apologize for the late-night call.” Constantine says as Jackson walks into the study. Bastien and Timothy are already there.

“It’s no trouble at all, sir.” He looks at Timothy who gives him a quick shrug, clearly no one knew why they were called in.

“It appears the queen has decided not to travel to the Portavira summit and instead traveling to Valtoria.”

The three guards share a brief look, it was extremely rare for the royal family to make different trips at the same time. Typically, at least one monarch would stay at the palace to protect the throne; leaving it open was a risk.

“I know it’s untraditional, but the trip is important to her and I was hoping that since Officer Lykel will be accompanying me and the princes, that either Officer Walker or Officer Monroe would travel with Queen Eleanor?”

Neither say anything, the whole situation feels off. Neither wants to get in the middle of whatever was going on between the king and queen.

“I’ll go.” Jackson finally speaks up.    

“What about Bianca and the kids?” Timothy says, side eying Jackson.

“She’s taking the children to Texas for a while, so the timing all works out.”

“Would you like a guard sent with them? I don’t mind sending someone.” Constantine asks.

“Thank you for the offer, but I have to decline. Bianca would lose her mind having someone following her.” Jackson gives the king a small smile.

“Officer Lykel. Officer Monroe, you are both dismissed. I need to discuss details with Officer Walker.”

Bastien and Timothy bow and take their leave. Constantine motions for Jackson to take a seat.

“Scotch?” Jackson nods, accepting the second glass that the king pours before Constantine takes his seat again. “I’m actually glad you offered, I know my wife’s safety is important to you.”

For a minute Jackson starts to panic, wondering if the king ended up hearing about Barthelemy’s actual rumor. However, he was quickly reminded of the ‘story’ they told Constantine about why they were alone in her study.

“Of course, your majesty.”

“Let’s talk shop, shall we?”

*          *

After talking with Eleanor, Constantine made sure the trip to Valtoria would begin once Bianca got in touch with Jackson saying she made it safely. The entire ride was awkward for both Jackson and Eleanor, the pair hasn’t spoken to each other in weeks.

Typically, whichever guard was on duty would drive, however Constantine assigned a driver as well which meant Eleanor and Jackson sat one seat apart in the back of the town car. Eleanor flips through her planner, making notes while Jackson scrolls on his phone. The silence is broken when it begins to ring, his face turning red.

“It’s Bianca.”

Eleanor looks up and nods before he answers it.

“Hello? Oh, hey Drake, how are you buddy?”

Eleanor’s attention drifts from her planner to Jackson’s conversation. She smiles listening to how he speaks to Drake and how happy he sounds talking to him.

“I know Aunt Tonya can be a lot, but she means well.” Jackson laughs, “Yes, she does talk very loud.”

Jackson turns to Eleanor and mouths ‘I’m sorry’ but she waves him off. She really didn’t mind; she enjoys seeing this side of Jackson, she’s missed it.

“I know you like Bear, but we aren’t getting a dog. When you turn eighteen I’ll get you one. I love you too. Tell your Mom I’ll call back later.”

Eleanor is looking at him when he hangs up, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Bianca’s friend is getting a divorce from my friend. She went there to be supportive.”

Eleanor simply raises her eyebrows before engulfing herself back into her planner. Jackson leans his head back and tries to ignore the weird tension filling the car as they get closer and closer to their destination.

*          *

Their first day in Valtoria is awkward. Neither of them speaks to the other, Jackson remains posted outside of whichever room she’s in which was mostly the study where she was reviewing the books. Even though Valtoria didn’t have a duke or duchess in charge, the royal counsel still kept tabs on it. Meaning tomorrow the member of counsel in charge of it would arrive and that was none other than Barthelemy Beaumont.

The second day was more eventful, but still awkward. Jackson stood posted outside the grand hall which was were Eleanor and Barthelemy were chatting about the books. To his and Eleanor’s surprise, he was extremely civil, only making one snide comment: “I should’ve guessed he’d be the guard to accompany you.” Other than that, when he first arrived, he was on his best behavior and while Eleanor didn’t like most of the choices he made with the budget, his reasoning behind them were justified in her eyes. Though he wasn’t pleased when she told him that the Crown would be taking over Valtoria, so he would no longer have access to the duchy.

The next day started off just as icy as the last two, but by dinner warmth crept in. They both ate their meals alone: he ate breakfast before her since he woke first, lunch came after her and dinner wasn’t eaten until she retired for the night. But that night, she grew lonesome and told him that if he was already there, he could just eat with her now. She apologized for her cold shoulder and he acted as though it didn’t bother him. By the end of the meal, the two were buddy buddy again, just as they were during the time they spent each Friday night together.

But on the fourth day, something happened that changes everything. Eleanor is standing on the balcony, looking at the waterfall in the distance when she hears footsteps behind her. A smile spreads across her face as she looks to her side and sees Jackson standing there.

Her chest begins to flutter, feeling something, she hasn’t felt before. When it came to Constantine, she did love him, but she wasn’t in love with him. Even though they had been on better terms lately, she could never see him more than someone she married to have an heir. Constantine gave her the feeling of security, but with Jackson there was more of an adventurous feeling.

Jackson takes Eleanor in, she’s not in her traditional attire. She didn’t have any meetings or any visitors today, so she was wearing straight legged jeans with an oversized V-neck sweater, truly channeling her inner Princess Diana. He likes this version of Eleanor, this laid back and comfortable side of her that he’d give anything to see more of. Tomorrow the two of them will be heading back to the palace, back to queen and guardsman and back to pretending they didn’t feel anything when they looked at each other.

“I’m not ready for tomorrow to come. To go back to our assigned roles.” She says, breaking the silence and turning to look at him. Since they didn’t have anything formal at the duchy, she practically demanded he dressed down for the day. So here he was in a plain white tee, slim-fitting jeans with cowboy boots: a look she didn’t think she’d be into, but couldn’t look away from.

Jackson places a hand on her cheek, caressing it with a callused thumb. He has no comforting words for her, nothing to say to sooth the pain of what tomorrow will bring. Hell, he isn’t sure how he’s going to be able to go back, how he’s supposed to let the woman he loves go.

“If we had somehow met in a different way…a different place. Do you think all of this…could’ve been different…between us?”

Tears begin to form, she tries looking anywhere but at him, “Everything would’ve been different.”

With his hand still on her cheek, he steps closer to her, filling the gap between them. He tilts her head upwards as she leans in, her baby blues pleading with him. Their lips meet instantly, the space between them vanishes as his hand slides to her neck, pulling her completely into him.

Lips part, tongues dance and twirl together as the kiss deepens. It’s not their first kiss, that was back in her boutique and had a sense of urgency to it. That kiss was the first time they made it a point to stand so close to the line that divided them. This kiss is a plea trying to hold on to something that feels fleeting. Breathlessly they part, long enough for her to jump into him; arms and legs wrapping around him as he staggers back against the wall.

His hands tightly grip the bottoms of her thighs, supporting her weight as her lips trail down his neck. A small groan leaves his lips as she softly bites up his neck. He can feel the smile on her lips as he walks them both towards her bed before she untangles herself from him. Piece by piece, clothing is shed, hands fumble together as they eagerly drop the fabric to the floor. She slides herself to the middle of the bed, Jackson lays beside her; their lips meeting once more. Goosebumps cover her skin as Jackson’s fingers lightly trail up and down her side, stopping only briefly to rake his nails against her hip bone. His lips and tongue leave a fiery trail as they explore down her body, exploring every inch of her. A gasp leaves her lips as he kisses the inside of her thigh before he tastes her. His tongue gently explores her folds each flick of his tongue teasing her more.

He takes his time as he slowly works his way back up her body, his fingers gently tease her wet core as he pushes a finger into her before adding a second. Her back slightly arches off the bed and his lips crash into hers. She drags her hand down his torso until her hand is wrapped around his length; her thumb pressing against its head, pulling a moan from his lips. They share a look, one mixed with longing and consent before Jackson roughly grabs her hips. He sinks into her. A mixture of moans and expletives fill the room as they start to move together. Her nails dig into his back, trying to ground herself as his thrusts increase. She buries her face into the curve of his neck as her body trembles beneath him.

Jackson feels Eleanor begin to tighten around him. He pulls her up, wrapping his arms around her to hold her up as he sinks deeper into her. Her head falls backwards as his name leaves her lips over and over, getting closer to the edge. He pushes into her once more before he feels her fall over the edge, her body constricting against his as her body is flooded by pleasure. Watching her come undone brings Jackson to his own orgasm, spilling his seed into her before they both fall back onto the bed. He lays on his back, chest caving in as he breathes heavily while she weakly drapes her arm over his chest; laying close to his side. There are no words spoken between them, there’s no need for them. Steady breaths and heavy eyes take over and they both fall asleep.

*          *

Eleanor wakes up, the clock next to her bed tells her it’s around 2AM. She smiles as she sees Jackson sleeping, the two still intertwined together covered by just the thin top sheet. Carefully she slips out of his arms; she walks back out onto the balcony wrapped in her robe. Leaning against the railing, she lets herself get lost in thought.

Not too much time passes before Jackson wakes, feeling the emptiness beside him. He looks around before seeing her standing outside, deep in thought. Quietly, he steps into his boxers before leaning against the doorframe watching her. He’s truly in awe of the woman in front of him, no one has captivated his heart as she has. She smiles when she feels his arms wrap around her, his chin resting on her shoulder. She doesn’t want to leave; her life could be perfect just staying here with Jackson.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

She lets out a soft sigh, “Just thinking about tomorrow and how I’m not going to be able to act like that didn’t happen.”

“Then don’t,” she turns around, his arms still around her. “I don’t want to pretend. I don’t want to go back to our stations.”

“Jackson…”

“I mean it, I love you, El.”