#actually though to me this is kind of a silly thing to say
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Hi! I wanted to say I love this fic so much. I've read it several times over and I love seeing all your art for it as well. Thank you and aquaquadrant for bringing us this beautiful work! Tango is one of my fav Lifers and I adore Bravo and Atlas too. The characterizations are so fun. The angst is right up my alley and the soft moments balance it out beautifully. I loved reading the Hels bits and trying to figure out who each character was connected to on the overworld and the way you decided their differing traits was so interesting. The designs are also very cool. I adore Grian's jacket and glasses, Lizzie and Joel are gorgeous, Pearl is terrifyingly beautiful with all the bug traits, and Ren being a massive wolf is so fun! Tango being a blaze hybrid imprinted on my brain so hard I forgot it wasn't actually canon to his YT character's lore. It's true in my heart now. And Dbubs and Patho? Delicious. Good soup. I can't wait to see all the incredible stuff you guys put out in the future! I'm sure it'll all be great and I'll love every bit of it All that being said, I've had a bit of a day (/silly), so here's me projecting my period cramps onto Bravo <3 Have a lovely day/night!
Thank you SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KIND WORDS!!! I loooove that you’ve read it over and over, Aqua’s writing is SO CHOICE so I’m always happy when people read it more than once~~
And yesss she’s also the mastermind for all the heavy thinking about traits and details, her world building is BONKERS!! It honestly does the same thing to me where I sometimes can’t remember what was our au and what’s like actually happened in the VODs HAHA
And thanks for all the love of the designs!! It takes me a while to design anyone because I have to have the right spark and inspiration or it’ll feel too much like a chore?? So even though it took me a while (and there’s still more designs to do!!), it means a lot that you enjoy them so much!!
THE PERIOD CRAMP BEAM IS SO GOOD I looooove ittt YES GIVE BRAVO SOME AGONY!!!!!
Here’s a doodle back of him doing his favorite thing: placing blame on Tango!!!
#bravo#HTP ask#HTP gift art#HTP art#hels to pay au#my art#THIS LITERALLY HAD ME CRACKING UP AND IMMEDIATELY SENDING TO AQUA WHEN I SAW IT#it’s SO GOOD THANK U AGAIN SO MUCH!!!!
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[ ꜰᴏᴏᴛʙᴀʟʟ ᴘᴜʙ ɢᴏʟꜰ : ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ ]
Chris plants his forehead on the table, taking a deep breath as he watches the astro turf. He’s well gone, but Lucy and Arthur, who is now just drawing shapes on the inside of her forearm, aren’t much better off. “You two are going to bankrupt me.”
“We’ll put the fund towards a muzzle.” Lucy says off handedly, swiping the marker, and Arthur’s hand to draw a three-by-three grid on his skin.
in which: Chris attempts to not have another life crisis during a pub golf video and is failing miserably.
3.7k words [ part one ] [ masterlist ] [ part three, coming soon... ]
[oc x arthurtv x chrismd]
[warnings: Excessive drinking, sexual innuendos and light sexual content]
Chris is torn.
Logically, he knows football pub golf is a content gold mine. It could easily be one of the best videos of the year, especially with the team line ups. On the other hand, the last time Chris filmed a pub golf for Chip's channel some eight months ago, it ended with him so fucked he'd uprooted his entire life twenty four hours later.
Mid to late twenties was not a good time to have a sexuality crisis - and Chris speaks from experience. Why it took 11 drinks and joking that he'd shag his best mate for space hopper-ing over a bollard to realise he genuinely wanted to snog him silly, Chris isn't sure.
In retrospect, he'd probably fancied Arthur way back in sixth form, sitting with him in every class, dragging the poor bloke to join his football team. The biting should have been a hint. 'Cuteness aggression', as a session of hungover googling informed him, is horribly common. Chris was so torn up about it all that he talks it over with Shannon the night after, when he's not sure if the urge to vomit is from nerves, guilt or the hangover.
He tries to tell her that it doesn't have to change things, that he still loves her. But she still calls it off.
He can't really be mad at her for that, so it's amicable. The two of them weren't built to last much longer anyway; if marriage was in the cards, Shannon wouldn't get snippy anytime her mother brought it up and Chris wouldn't feel nauseous every time he saw an advert for rings. If they were destined for 'forever', talk of marriage wouldn't sound like an expiration date.
Chris spends a couple of months sorting out all his shit and takes a long hard look at his own feelings.
Everyone is sort of weird about the break-up. For a while they all sort of act like it's temporary. Once he puts out a statement though, his friends take that as confirmation that it's actually over. Arthur -Hill not TV- and George take him out drinking a few times as self declared experts in heartbreak and the single life. Their ventures have the three of them planning to move in together when their leases expire in October. Harry corrals him onto a few dating apps and Chris humours him because how is he supposed to tell the guy that women are the last thing on his mind and that he's head over heels (and possibly in love with) one of their mates, who is noticeably a bloke.
At least this time the pub golf is for his channel, so if there's another earth-shattering life crisis, he can edit it out at the least. Save himself the embarrassment of seeing the clip every few weeks on TikTok. Luckily, Chris is not the kind of man who loses all impulse control when faced with a couple of pints.
He is admittedly two shots up already and they've only just settled at hole four. If anything's going to set their team back, it's this. Chris knows the moment he sees Jamie, his production assistant, walk out with a tray of wine-glasses all of which were bordering on over-filled with rosé.
"Oh god," Lucy groans, her head pitching forwards to thud onto the table. Jamie just smiles as he places the three glasses around the halo of blonde hair. Her next complaint comes out muffled. "Why wine? I can't do wine."
"Come on, Luce." Chris grabs her shoulders to drag her back up straight, shaking them a few times for good measure. "Where's all that team spirit gone?"
"Come on En-ga-land, Score some fucking goals." She quotes, putting on the thick northern accent for it.
Seeing as Chris is a little too far gone to keep explaining the rules at each pub without hurling insults at his friends, Jamie's the one who does it this round, citing that each drink must be fed by a teammate.
"I got a great trick for this one," There's a bit of a slur to Arthur's words, but that could just be him and not the alcohol. Then again, he did do a shot when they got to the pub ‘for fun’ which will most definitely bite them in the arse. "We hold hands and squeeze depending on ho-"
Arthur hiccups halfway through his sentence and it's enough to get a snort out of Chris and devolve Lucy into giggles as he continues. " -how, how much you want."
Chris goes first, and Arthur’s hand is warm in his own as he pours the wine into his mouth.
Although, when it’s Arthur’s turn and Lucy grabs the wine glass off the table, she frowns. “You’re too tall for this.”
There's not that much of a gap between them with her heels factored in but it's enough that to get her arm up and angle the glass right, it would certainly be uncomfortable for Lucy.
“Come on, tip toes surely.” Arthur says, but she’s already got a hand on his shoulder.
“On your knees, Television.” She says it so calmly, pressing lightly on his shoulder- not enough to push Arthur down, Chris knows he’s stronger than he looks, but he goes anyway.
Something that’s horribly aroused stirs in Chris’s stomach, watching Arthur drop to his knees in front of Lucy, mouth open as she leans down just slightly to press the glass against his lips. He grips her wrist instead of her hand and swallows every mouthful of pretty pink rosé so eagerly that there’s evidence of it left on her skin, little crescent indented where his nails had dug in.
It’s awfully sobering to realise that Chris might actually have to fight a semi while filming.
There’s been jokes about it, in the past few years as his content has matured along with his audience and those sorts of comments were left in the final cut. But Christ, watching Arthur lick his lips clean of wine, not even moving to stand until Lucy pulls him to his feet by the hand, that’s enough to make anyone sexually attracted to men a little off kilter.
He’s never really had the ‘awkward boners’ at least not since his teenage years. Chris is pretty sure it’s something to do with the messy ball of crossed wires that is his sexuality, the fact he never really gets a hard on for someone he’s not head over heels for but he’s not really put much time into untangling that.
Although, he might need to do that soon.
Something about the way Arthur looks at her, as if from the moment she put her hand on him, she was everything- the centre of his universe.
Not that Chris can really blame him. Lucy’s always been captivating like that. He’s not a moron, Lucy’s attractive, objectively. She’s cute, green eyes, light tan to her skin that’s more from sunshine than genetics, and blonde hair that's half pulled back with a white ribbon, a couple strands falling in front of her face. Round cheeks that push up towards her eyes when she smiles, a little tip up to the end of her nose. She’s got the kind of features that would make Chris pause on those stupid dating apps he only swipes though when Harry’s looking over his shoulder.
Arthur yields so easily for her, blinking at her with those brown eyes and chewing his bottom lip a little, hands still messily entwined together as Harry makes a poor sex joke.
It’s an orbit that Chris has watched many men tumble into before, the gravitational pull of Lucy Bell. There’s something about the way she carries herself, a confidence that makes eyes drawn to her. On night outs, there’s mixed reactions. George and Arthur Hill love it, girls are more than happy to chat and linger at their table, eased in the risk of approaching a bunch of men in a club by the presence of a woman like Lucy.
He thinks about all the dickheads he’s seen try and fail to make a pass on her, as Chris picks up the final glass of rosé.
Lucy has, and will continue to, drink Chris under the table, but she is under or just about five foot six. And There's only so many miracles a liver that size can facilitate. Maybe she’s a little further finished than he thought, because when he holds the wine glass up to her, and clasps their palms together, she just isn’t taking it like she was earlier.
“Come on Luce, down in one.” He murmurs, “You got it.”
A little dribble of it runs down her chin and into the curve of her throat, but no one calls her on it and Lucy is left gagging on the taste of rosé that she’d downed. She’s squeezing his hands tight as she recoils and pulls a face. Chris rubs her back and gives it a couple of pats as she leans into his side. “I hate rosé.”
Arthur reappears with three glasses of water, precariously balanced in his hands and he deposits one in front of each of them. It’s the best drink Chris has been given all day and he can’t help the words that slip out. “Oh my god I love you.”
No one blinks at it though, not Arthur, not Chris. He’s said it before, there’s no reason for anyone to think it means anything more than it used to.
Lucy doesn’t bat an eye, just gives Arthur this awfully soft look before guzzling down half the glass in one go. Until Stephen drops a balled up napkin on the floor and kicks it between her feet, nutmegging her.
Honestly, Chris had sort of forgotten about writing that rule into the video and he sort of feels bad now. Lucy’s probably going to be the only victim of it for the afternoon, because everyone else is far enough gone that they’re a little fuzzy on the rules too.
She and Stephen do shots of baby guinness together (because apparently he just wanted to?) and Chris has to stare into his water glass, tracing patterns on the condensation with his thumb so he doesn’t stare at Arthur and imagine him at the foot of his bed, on his knees for Chris. Complacent and content.
Chris kind of wants to curl in on himself.
Beside him, Arthur’s hand slips down from Chris’ shoulder and along his back, stepping around both him and Lucy, hand slipping to her waist and along the curve of it as he ducks back inside the pub.
There’s jeers from the German team and Cal follows Arthur inside to make sure he’s not chundering in the bathroom.
“Chris, I’m not gonna lie,” Lucy leans into whisper, “I don’t think I’ll be standing by the end of this video.”
She looks utterly gone. Her eyes are wide, and there’s a little sheen to the column of her neck, maybe from the wine she’d dribbled or the haste to skull the water she was handed. This close, he can see the lines of her makeup, where the eyeliner is a little shaky right at her lash line and the few eyelashes that are clumpy with mascara.
It’s the drunkest he’s seen her in a while, and she’s probably only one drink off of ‘cartwheel Lucy’- the stage of intoxication where she feels the urge to display her impressive coordination that she, annoyingly, never loses no matter how much alcohol she’s ingested.
Chris tips his head forwards and bites her deltoid. Teeth sinking softly into the fabric of her jersey until he can just feel the solidness of her shoulder underneath. Lucy startels, a little, whines then swats at Chris until he retreats half a step.
She looks at the bite mark on her pristine England Jersey, wiping at Chris’ spit as she scoffs and scrunches her nose up a little. "I’m going to catch diseases off you at this rate.”
There’s about half a second where he considers making an STD joke, but there’s a camera sitting on them and it feels a little disrespectful to suggest something like that.
Lucy frowns down at the black line on the inside of her wrist. “Where’s Arthur, I need a tally mark.”
And the man of the hour is dragged from the Pub’s entrance, clinging to Cal, looking significantly more gone than he had five minutes ago. The wine must have been hitting hard.
Supposedly, there was no puke, but for the antics Arthur received a red card, putting the English team even further down the hole they’re stuck in. It doesn’t help that the other team all get their drinks down in one.
Not that Chris was really paying attention, he was too busy watching Arthur poke at Cal, enjoying pressing his buttons.
“How many holes do we have left?” He asks once he’s settled back into his stool.
Chris snorts. “Me after five drinks on a saturday night, am I right?”
Arthur holds his hand up for a high five, but Chris has his arms crossed and his brain is working a little slow to catch it before the palm is descending into a playful smack on his face. He grabs Arthur's hand with both of his and licks a fat stripe up his palm, tongue feeling the roughness of calluses from the gym and the faint taste of beer.
The reaction is immediate. “Noooo!”
Arthur recoils and wipes his hand of spit on Chris’ jersey.
Lord, Chris must be so much further gone than he thought, because he just devolves into giggles, even after fully licking his best mate’s hand. It’s only when Jess, his production manager, starts herding them down the footpath to the next pub that Chris finally gets a handle on his giggles.
Somehow, when they make it to Pub number five, everyone- including his own employees- goads Chris into climbing the tree opposite it. Which earns them two points deducted, so they’ve almost worked off the red card from Arthur’s endeavours with a toilet bowl at the second pub.
The Vodka Oranges are, mercifully, only one standard drink. Although, Lucy’s still looking a little queasy at the prospect of downing it. “I hope this doesn’t have pulp.”
Arthur frowns and holds his drink up in the light to get a better look. “I don’t think so.”
“If there’s pulp I might actually throw up. I can’t do the texture.”
“Can’t say I’m a big fan either.” The downwards tilt of Arthur’s lips is painfully cute and Chris kind of wants to lean over and bite at him, but he’s not supposed to be doing that today. Instead he huddles them closer together, like was in the plan for pub five and they have their half-time strategy meeting.
“If either of you puke, I swear to god I will never forgive you.” Chris says, focusing very hard on not slurring his words. “We can’t lose to Stephen Tries. He already carries this channel enough.”
“Come on- I’ve done plenty.” Arthur complains. “I got Harry three shots deeper.”
Admittedly, an impressive feat, but it’s still about thirty less shots than Harry WroeToShaw needs to start feeling the effects of Alcohol and far from enough to recover from all the penalty points he’s been earning. Chris tuts “Only one of us has climbed a tree so I really think that you guys need to step up to the plate at this point.”
The pair just stare at him, and for a moment, Chris sort of loses the plot in Arthur’s eyes. “You’ve got very nice eyes.”
They are. A nice dark brown that sort of looks like pots of honey, mesmerising while Chris blinks into them, with a sort of depth that makes it impossibly easy to sink into them. He’s better at it now, remembering to look away, but the alcohol’s got him a little slower to catch it.
“Christ, they are nice eyes.” Lucy agrees leaning in to get a better look at Arthur, who’s blushing a little from the attention, then towards Chris. “You’ve got good eyes too.”
Arthur nods eagerly. “He does have lovely eyes.”
“Lucy, your eyes are great.” Chris pivots, hoping to save his brain from malfunctioning, onto Lucy, planting a hand on her shoulder to lean in close and study her eyes.
They’re more green than blue, wide as she processes how close he’s gotten to her. He’s heard people say the grass is greener on the other side, but looking at Lucy’s eyes, it might just be true. It’s almost like staring at the overgrown grass of his childhood football pitch, some streaks a little darker than others, and the underlying feeling that there’s something to be found there, if one cared to look a little deeper than surface level.
“Oh, they are.” Arthur agrees, squinting a little as he peers at her.
All three of them have completely lost the whole ‘strategy meeting’ plot that was supposed to be their halftime regroup and by the time Chris untangles himself from their eyes, it’s time to down the vodka oranges that have been sweating condensation down their wrists.
Cal corrals both teams into a cheers and miraculously, everyone manages to get it down in one.
Thankfully, they’d figured people would be a bit gone by pub five, so a nice lengthy walk proceeds pub six.
Chris just about hangs off Arthur the whole time, who at first is a little distracted by texting George Clarkey in an attempt to convey how ‘sober’ he is, but eventually slings his arm over Chris’ shoulder and lets him stay there. He tries to not stir things, lest he be shoved away, instead basking in the bloody amazing smell of Arthur cologne as it mixes with his deodorant. Chris couldn’t name what either of them smell like, but it’s a scent that’s so uniquely Arthur he wouldn’t be able to associate it with anything else.
“George says he’s gonna come pick me up from the last pub.” He declares, shoving his phone into Chris’ face. It’s a little too close to read, but he squints and tries anyway. Arthur only gives him a few seconds before pulling the screen back and pocketing it.
At one point in their walk, Chris bites at his wrist where it hangs next to his face but it’s not enough to chase him off.
“Next pub golf, it’s twenty quid per bite.” Arthur grimaces, whipping the back of his hand of spit down the front of Chris’ jersey. “Lucy had the right idea.”
“I think you owe her a tally mark. Maybe.” Chris frowns, trying to recall if they’d added the last nip.
“Luce!” He calls. “Did we add the last tally? From Pub four with the rosé?”
She’s about ten meters ahead, tangled up with Stephen as he tries to wrangle her into some kind of hug or headlock, it’s a little unclear which. For a moment the pair of them freeze, and Lucy does that little frown and nose scrunch she does whenever she thinks particularly hard on something. “No!”
Then she kicks Stephen’s sneaker and he bowles over, caught off guard.
“Yellow card! Yellow card!” Arthur shouts, pointing so obnoxiously that Chris almost wants to tell him it’s rude. “Ref, that’s diving!”
Cal dishes out a Yellow card and Stephen goes back to trying to deck Lucy, via bowling her knees out from under her. But by the time they make it to pub six, he’s managed to weasel a piggy back out of her and the two of them pause by the gate to point out where ‘live music: ChrisMD Diss-Track cover band’ is written in neat print of the blackboard.
The two of them are gone, and it’s probably lucky that Lucy isn’t the kind of drunk that gets clumsy, otherwise the two of them would never have managed to make it through the beer garden benches without knocking into one. Arthur isn’t as lucky, knocking his shin against one on his way over to the tables his production team has claimed.
“Ow.” He whines as Chris gets his hands on Arthur’s shoulders, shaking him until they’re at the seats and he’s shoving him off in fake annoyance. “Get off you leach.”
He digs the pen out of his shorts pocket, and bites the cap off, keeping it wedged between his teeth as he calls out to Lucy. Her name comes out muffled around the cap but she deposits Stephen and collapses next to Arthur, who grabs her wrist. There’s an awful lot of concentration on his face for something as simple as drawing a line.
Chris plants his forehead on the table, taking a deep breath as he watches the astro turf. He’s well gone, but Lucy and Arthur, who is now just drawing shapes on the inside of her forearm, aren’t much better off. “You two are going to bankrupt me.”
“We’ll put the fund towards a muzzle.” Lucy says off handedly, swiping the marker, and Arthur’s hand to draw a three-by-three grid on his skin.
They fall into their own little bubble as they start up a series of naughts and crosses games. Chris has to kick them under the table to gain their attention when Cal starts explaining the pub-quiz rules. The aim was to guess the cocktail themed pun based on the footballer’s name.
Chris wasn’t expecting greatness to begin with. He knows his footballers, but Arthur and Lucy don’t really know them by name and face- unless they play for the teams they support. There’s a much higher chance of a Man United player showing up than a Brighton player, so Lucy might be completely out of her depth.
They manage to break even only because the German team are shouting out the footballer’s names and failing to relate it back to a cocktail, so the three of them can steal the point out from under them By the end of it, they’re left with a martini, a strawberry daiquiri and a rum punch.
Chris gets the easy way out and is handed the martini, Lucy recoils once she finishes her rum punch, a shiver racking her spine and Arthur struggles to drink his daiquiri that is filled with ice, though a piss-weak paper straw.
But it’s down in one for all of them, even the other team.
As he hauls himself to his feet, the gin hits him like a truck. Enough that he stumbles half a step back. Chris knows, as he catches the worried look his production team are giving him, that his hope of ending the afternoon without puking, was a lost cause.
[ part one ] [ masterlist ] [ part three, coming soon... ]
ink note: part two! poor christopher's got it bad. this is our last chris chapter for a while, so pray for the poor lad.
[ if you would like to be added to the fic's tag list, let me know in an ask and you'll be tagged when each chapter goes up :) ]
#arthurtv#arthurtv fics#arthurtv x oc#arthurtv x chrismd#arthur frederick#arthur frederick x oc#arthur frederick fics#chrismd#chrismd x oc#chrismd fics#chrismd x arthurtv x oc#chris dixon#chris dixon fics#chris dixon x oc
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my thoughts on the whole cyanide situation
hi as cyanides 1# fan i am required by law to make a post about this/HEVJ also like half of this is copied and pasted from discord because i am NOT rewriting all that/SILLY also sorry for any spelling mistakes:(
SPOILERS AHEAD
anyways, if ill be 100% honest, i kind of dont like the fact that cyanide was purifed/uncorrupted. it was one of her most unique traits and i hate how that was just, boom, taken away from her just like that
they also didnt really have to uncorrupt her, she isnt hostile and pretty much harmless as long as she dosent touch the chest shape doohickey whatever those are things, as seen in episode 9, where she sat on the couch and did not corrupt it at all, and when tsavorite held her along with the other heroes who were quite literally squished together and nobody got hurt
as seen here, cyanides ONLY time corrupting something which in this case is circusic, by just touching his chest thingy
and as i mentioned, tsavorite held cyanide on the way to the poly forest, along with cyan and gold who were squished against her, and not getting hurt at all, which quick recap for a sec heroes cannot get corrupted, whenever the corruption/anything corrupted touches them they get hurt, which in this case nobody is
and i have a bit more examples but i think these are enough unless yall want more
ANYWAYS, onto the purification and maturing, THE DISAPPOINTMENT I FELT. THE DISAPPOINTMENT. i cannot stress enough how much i PRAYED this wouldnt happen, but brittany always proves us wrong and gets our hopes up one way or another
but dont get me wrong, i adore her design! its cute, sure, but it was WAAAYYYY too early to pull the purification card on cyanide, it couldve waited a few more episodes, or seasons... or just never (this could be biased but STILL) cyanide had SO MUCH potential as a character but just POOF!!! GONE!! BUUUUUUT i absaloutely loved the bossfight tho, absaloute banger 10/10
and as for the name, i dont really know how i feel about it. its supposed to be similar to cyan, sure, but it just... dosent really fit her if ill be honest. ive seen some cool alternitives like Skye and Nithiodote (which honestly i might start using whoever thought of that you deserve a gold star), and also the one i came up with, Cyanogen. (which im really proud of myself for that:3) but overall its a pretty nice name for her, she chose it herself so at least shes happy
and now the actual design, its adorable, ill agree on that one, but its kinda... too much for a hero?? it dosent really scream "hero" to me, and i dont know if im the only one who thinks this though, like.. its kind off tacky and makes her look out of place in a way and im really sad about that
ALSO ONE MORE THING, can i say she was SSUUCCHH good angst material?? we never really got to actually get to know her better, all we know shes a naive, (used to be) corrupt that wants to be a hero and also is a robot, we dont really get to dive into her actual personality and thats what i was hoping this episode will be if ill be honest
anyways i ran out of things to write so yap over everyone go home/SILLY feel free to correct me im open to criticism:)
#the pink corruption#cyanidetpc#i eat kids#hi#tpc#pink corruption#brittcorruption#jsab tpc#skibidi toilet rizz
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sometimes i hear people say "if you you are criticizing [whatever actor] in [whatever role] then i'd like to see you try to do it better"
to which i say, no. no you would not like to see that. trust me
#actually though to me this is kind of a silly thing to say#like the audience is there to be moved and transported by the actors#theyre paying for it#they're going to have a reaction to it and they're going to discern it and have judgements#this is kind of like saying#oh you have problems with the tumblr app?#you can't criticize unless you can fully make another#better app
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Remember: The burning sensation is part of the process.
#Mouthwashing#blood#body horror#Emphasizing here that this is in reference to a media and character and not a cry for help on my end.#Mouthwashing is one of those games that tickles my brain and checks all the boxes for my niche interests -#-but it wasn't something that got the silly comic part in my cortex firing up. My analysis brain is eating well though!#What said...It is impossible for me to see this scene and not say out loud: “Me in the middle of my work day".#While there is a lot more going on with curly I personally resonated a lot with his struggles with burnout.#Burnout feels like mouthwash to me. That you keep rinsing out your mouth trying to get rid of the rotting smell#but it's just surface level solutions. The real cure requires something far more significant to actually make a difference.#The job 'is hard' and 'everyone struggles'. It's part of the process right? You're tired? Anxious? Depressed? Us too! Chin up!#Actually I resonated with a lot of things within Curly (this is a curly positive space - he's not perfect. He's just human).#One thing being his desire to see the good in people and believe in their potential.#Because here's the thing. Some people truly do just need someone in their corner who stands by them so they can grow and improve.#And some people will take advantage of your kindness. You focus so much on their humanity while you stop being a person to them.#The horrifically toxic relationship persists because Curly tries to see the bigger picture and believes in the good within.#Anyone who has lived through constantly trying to reframe the hurt as something else knows-#-just how many excuses your brain will make to avoid cognitive dissonance. It's human psychology.#Jimmy sucks so bad. But we the audience have the privilege of not having years of baggage associating him in our minds as 'friend'.
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Luzu: Yeah, you know, I told people that I would happily make some dictionaries so that you guys have expressions to use, like you can have a book in your inventory that you open to have like basic Spanish stuff, I'm gonna mess his one, like his -
Phil: Oh yes, please.
Luzu: - book up, and I'm gonna make all like, have no meaning.
Phil: Please give him like, a - a silly book, a - give him a silly one.
Luzu: Yeah. How do I pronounce his name, Wilbur, or Wilb? Or Wil?
Phil: You got it right the first time! Yup, it's Wilbur.
Luzu: Oh yeah? Alright.
Phil: Yup yup! Or just Wil. Either - either works.
Luzu: I wanna have to find a way to, yeah, have a cold revenge. Like, he - he may be laughing today, and, "heehee, haha!" we did like this small joke, and in 20 days I'm gonna destroy everything that he loves in this server.
#Luzu#Philza#QSMP#Wilbur#Wilbur Soot#Phil#Everyone: Omg Luzu and Wilbur are gonna get along so well!#Me: Nah Wilbur's gonna assume Luzu's a nice harmless guy and he won't realize Luzu's actuall a Chaotic Bastard#Everyone: No that wont happen!#Today: *this happens*#Me: *stares directly at the camera*#There's a reason Luzu and Quackity are such good friends they're both the same flavor of kind but chaotic bastards#though Quackity is an UNHINGED chaotic bastard#Luzu and Phil's conversation was the best thing that happened today IMO#<-- is incredibly biased#FOR REAL THOUGH IF YOU DONT KNOW LUZU ALREADY YOU'LL LOVE HIM YOU'LL LOVE HIM SO MUCH#His lore is frickin INCREDIBLE and he's also just a sweet dude#and a bastard but a fun one#anyways for context: Wilbur told Luzu to teach his friends a ''silly British saying'' that was basically gloop gloop or whatever#(OK LAST CLIP FOR REAL more tomorrow)
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I think some folks MAY have gotten the wrong idea about how I feel about Circe with some of my posts. So, to clear the air...
Homies, I love that fucked up sorceress.
I love how we're never given a reason why she turns people into animals. That's so funny and so awful. And another potion-making magic gal?!?! I love that she's just basically vibing on an island doing whatever she wants. I even love the fact that she scares Odysseus shitless! She's morally gray and that's why she's FUN.
I just sincerely hate when people try to girlboss her or have her be a victim of SA when she never was Looking at you, Miller. Especially when she was actually the one who coerced Odysseus in exchange for his men being transformed back into humans. And even then, while he was clearly afraid of her, (it's in the language of the Odyssey) she likely meant him no harm after a certain point. He just didn't know that.
Why does she need a reason to do awful things? Why can't she just be a goddess who does whatever she wants? That's the reason why I love her!!! She's fucked up!!! :D
I hate what the Telegony did to her as well! >:( You're telling me, this sorceress goddess, who makes potions (!!!) wouldn't have magic contraceptives??? Would WANT CHILDREN?!?! WITH THE PATHETIC WIFEMAN?! No. Fuck no. Eugammon of Cyrene, I have beef with you 🤬
Anyways!!! Understand all the "#anti circe" I have is simply Anti "Girlboss Circe" or the book. I genuinely think she's neat af as her morally gray, fucked up sorceress self and just get frustrated with...everything :'D
#I have these same feelings with Medea and Medusa and so many others. Penelope too. Let them do something fucked up just to be fucked up#I'm a “god forbid women do anything” in the sense of 'she did a fucked up thing. That's why she's fascinating. Don't take her awfulness#away from her!!! please! I wanna study her under a microscope!'😭#PLEASE#...I actually kind of don't like the idea of her actually caring about her nymphs :P maybe she “protects them” but like...#I see her as a “Why are all of you dancing? Oh. it's a birthday? hm okay. Just make sure your duties are done.” while not caring#whose birthday it is. She's not really shown to be close to them during the Odyssey and idk just seems in character for her to not give af#save me morally gray circe#<-making that a tag now because...yeah. She absolutely wouldn't save me though.#Mad rambles#shot by odysseus#anti madeline miller#anti circe#<-THE BOOK! I HATE THE BOOK! LET HER BE AWFUL YOU COWARDS#Why do women need to be SA'ed to be strong Miller?! >:(#...Ima say it. The pathetic wifeman is more relatable to me than Hot Snake Monster Lady when it comes to this stuff.😤#I just sincerely hate the fact that people erase what happened to him you know? It's silly but it means a lot to me.#Also I think she got bored of him immediately and simply let him chill at her place.#She's a goddess. She's got better things to do and she absolutely doesn't love him and he absolutely doesn't want her.#I don't have with Eugammon btw. He's dead and I'm exaggerating but I STILL hate the Telegony >:(#tw sa#kind of??? idk#barely mentioned but yeah#Calypso though?? Yeah. I hate her in practically everything except Pirates of the Caribbean because that's not Odyssey Calypso
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I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...
Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner
*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)
And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -
TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows
This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).
So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.
Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.
Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.
Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).
But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).
In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.
Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.
Now, doing the same thing for movies-
Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)
That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).
116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.
So, a for broader summary stuff..
I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.
If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.
ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.
I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0
#maybe this is my version of spotify wrapped lol.. Lifetime Media Google Doc Wrapped.. kind of.. except I'm not going over specific titles.#I can't do this with music since I rarely EVER look for new music or add to my Youtube To MP3 folder library as I just don't really#listen to music that often. When I'm working (the majority of when I seek background noise) I need like.. people's talking voices#for some reason. Just instruments and singing are not distracting enough to me to work as background noise because theyre#almost TOO in the background if that makes sense? like if I put music on then I just tune it out and it's virtually no different#than if I were daydreaming stream of consciousness thoughts in an entirely quiet room lol. And I can't really do it with books since#essentially 100% of what I read is non-fiction. usually about some specific subject or academic topic OR stuff like#1800s magazines or cookbooks or historical people's diaries. Which is not really.. the type of thing I would#rank as easily I guess? like 'ooh yeah putting the sociology textbook in my top 5 hee hee right next to the 1920s radio recipes book' lol.#Then for games... I just sadly dont play enough of them. I've been banned from new games as I've told myself I cant play anyting#long form (no rpgs or etc) until I actually finish MY OWN game first - to keep me from wasting time. so on average#I play... 0 new games a year. ToT... I do play the sims sometimes but that's really all (which is not a new game at all since#I've been playing it on and off for years). Thus I guess movies/TV are really the only things that make sense#to collect this sort of information on. I could do youtube videos I guess also but that seems kind of strange like...#giving a rating to every single video I watch in a ranked list lol.. Especially since I would say a good 85% of the time#they are exclusively background noise whilst I'm working on something or cleaning the house or etc. and not things I pay serious attention#to. There are only a few specific topics/types/creators of videos I watch where I'm ACTUALLY sitting in front of a screen paying#direct attention to the content (usually when it's educational or political things). Everything else is too mindless to even rank.#ANYWAY... ever analyzing my little hermit Weird Relationship To Media (in the sense of seemingly not processing or getting the same#things out of it as many other seem to). I think that can contribute sometimes to the whole difficulty socializing and stuff#since our culture is very centered around media consumption generally speaking. People want to talk about The New Movie that came#out or The Big TV Show Of The Year. and for me it's like.. highly likely I just plain have NOT seen it. Or if i have. statistically#I most likely was entirely ambivalent if not slightly negative towards it lol. Which just kind of takes the steam out of a 'fun' 'casual'#conversation and you seem like a bit of a bummer if most of your only feedback is either 'idk what that is' or 'oh yea... i did#see that one.... i didnt like it all that much though... I think it'd be better with elves in it.. and 7 hours longer..'' lol..#Which I am not disliking things in a 'grr i hate it bc its popular'/just to be contrarian way. I actually dislike that mindset/find it#silly (by striving so hard to be counterculture you are thus still defining yourself by the whims of external culture - just in the#opposite direction. but are still just as preoccupied with the mainstream (going against it) as everyone else. etc. lol..)) In my#case I think it IS just having niche hyperspecific tastes.. for example- it peeves me when cell phones are in media bc I dont want to be#reminded at ALL of the real world. so.. cross off anything set in modern times. so on & etc. Judging all things by these weird criteria lol
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oh so alisaie’s exaggerated bully behavior is 80% fanon. saying this she casually picks up a large rock
#say one thing wrong to me and you will have a wonderful few days with the rock#if angry silly girls have 100 fans etc if they have 0 fans i have died#sorry i saw a YouTube meme i vehemently disliked on principle and got mad at the only child behavior-#kipspeak#she is just short tempered and uses anger to mask other more ‘shameful’ emotions!!! alphy did the same thing with just deciding not#to express them. which is still not good and I think why he breaks and ends up teary so often now#this shortness does not translate to actually being mean to people. she only uses being mean as a shield for herself and being snarky#Is just fun for her. it’s fun for Me. you have to inconsequentually tease people or they’ll never learn to laugh at themselves#the twins and thancred 🫵 do this thing where they have big emotions but they don’t want anyone to SEE they have big weird emotions#so alphy pretends he doesn’t have them under a veneer of dignity and alisaie pretends the emotions are Something Else. thancred is#just so emotionally constipated he has trouble expressing anything. he’s got enough baggage for a flatbed#anyways. alisaie is such a compassionate and kind girl and she learned how to make snarky jokes and went ham. and she hates appearing sad o#weak or vulnerable so she blocks it off with an unapproachable emotion so no one pities her and they maybe get on with the plot#it is in fact also great at getting ppl to move away from the sad or embarrassing topic. even if the tradeoff is being more offputting#she would never (grabs youtube meme) she would never seriously bully her brother. this is sibling ribbing only. Cain instinct#just leave her be she is learning how to snark humor and she loves it she loves being sharp. alphy has wit he just keeps it close#my brother didn’t learn how to tell or receive a joke until he was 14 he took everything so seriously. he can do it now though and he’s#HILARIOUS. Don’t tell him I said that. my man knows exactly where the funny points are even if he hasn’t learned when to stop yet#too many tags. Whatever. jokey snark alisaie who sometimes compliments is happy alisaie grouchy snappy angry alisaie is way too stressed#very easy way to tell between the two. even alphy can tell between the two I believe! He tends to rib back in protest if they’re having fun#and try to stop her if they’re not having fun. case in point ‘what is that supposed to mean?!’ vs ‘alisaie ryne was only trying to help.’#I know they’re twins but that’s such an intensely older sibling thing to do that it reels me#LONG TAGS AND THREE EDITS TO ADD ON SHORT I resent this stereotype taken too far into ooc behavior. it happened with nya#It will happen again and as a postscript let me regale you with Things U Can Notice About Character Motivation and Actions—#I’m not done let me s#she and raha are friends now I decree. ‘haha you like me’ SPUTTERING PROTEST FROM BOTH
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chapters 51 and 58 of bloodmarked are absolutely CARRYING bree/nick/selwyn polyamory truthers
#selwyn is kind of a stupid name I realized as I was typing this. like I've gotten used to it over 2 books but it's so silly. selwyn#anyway. me disappearing for days and only showing up for like 30 minutes to reblog 3 things#and make a nigh incomprehensible post letting you guys know what book I'm reading now (read. I finished it yesterday actually.#now I'm rereading legendborn bc I'm apparently not ready to move on to a new book and also I forgot most of the shit from that book)#anyway I've been on the polyamory train for these 3 since I read legendborn in 2020 but I swear it's only gotten stronger#like what do you MEAN selwyn (magically oathed to protect nick) FEELS SAFER with nick around#THE SAME WAY BREE DOES. AND BOTH SELWYN AND NICK LIKE. AGREE ON HOW MUCH THEY LOVE BREE. AND THERE'S NO WEIRD JEALOUSY ABOUT IT#AND SELWYN CANONICALLY WAS AT ONE POINT IN LOVE WITH NICK????#AND NICK LITERALLY SAYS TO SEL “I CAN'T LOSE YOU AND I WON'T LOSE HER”????#LIKE?????#THERE IS NO WAY THIS IS YOUR STANDARD ASS LOVE TRIANGLE IT'S GOTTA BE AT LEAST A LITTLE POLYAMORUS#IF NOT A FULL TRIANGLE BREE SHOULD AT *LEAST* GET 2 BOYFRIENDS. SHE DESERVES IT#even if it does end up a standard love triangle though this is honestly a genuinely good one#like I genuinely like both love interests neither of them are weird or annoying or creepy about her#anyway. need book 3 out as soon as possible I swear to god I almost can't see how this ends in monogamy#I'm talking about the legendborn series by tracy deonn btw everyone#another arthurian inspired book series which if you saw my other post the other day I swear this isn't intentional#legendborn#bloodmarked#the legendborn cycle#tracy deonn#bree matthews#nick davis#selwyn kane
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Hey. I don't know anything about comics and I've only ever read random sporadic issues/storylines, so don't listen to anything that I have to say. But I think there was a Joker storyline recently in which there were two Jokers and one of them killed the other, bringing into question whether the current Joker is the original or someone else, and whether or not that distinction even matters when the Joker still exists.
The funniest thing to do at this point (not that I would want to happen or think would or could happen, but what I think would be FUNNY,) is if the Joker got redeemed. A gradual 100% face turn, just changes his mind and becomes a generally nice and helpful dude. And only THEN reveals that he is definitely a different guy from the original Joker.
What I enjoy about this is that it means that Jason and Bruce are simultaneously both right. Was the Joker an irredeemable monster who deserved to die? Yup! The guy who killed Jason was absolutely that and it's a good thing this other guy killed him. Can even the worst person imaginable change their ways, meaning that empathy and life are always the moral choice? Yes! Even the Joker can realize how wrong he was and recover. Both perspectives get irrefutable proof of their legitimacy. Bruce and Jason's relationship has never been worse.
#jason's relationship to redeemed joker who isn't actually the guy who killed him and also who DID kill his murderer but he's still the joker#is such an insane and wonderful thing for me to imagine#i was thinking about this because of the gotham war event#which i read because it had red hood issues#which i enjoyed very much even though I think they were basically isolated from the rest of the crossover and had severe writing problems#the art was very good and there were some charming ideas#(i tried reading some of the batman issues that followed all that and dropped it pretty quick. simply not my cup of tea)#anyways not important#the joker was specifically in the red hood issues and he was kind of a silly little guy in those?#and also SAVED JASON'S LIFE which is HILARIOUS#apparently because red hood was going to be involved in some big master plan that we was cooking up#i didn't read enough batman to find out if that was going anywhere#okay i was saying it shouldn't happen but you could do an elseworlds story about it#the joker being silly and chaotically helpful and the batfam being like ????????#but I guess that's also basically what harley quinn already did so. whatever.#my rambles#dc#batfam
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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Also hoping things at work pan out the way they're looking bc it's so surreal to know I'll be in a position where people are gonna be looking up to me
#much is brewing.. also recently got a pay raise so that's pretty nice#my old manager got to see me have a rough time starting out and is now seeing the staff say that they really want me to work#with them and they'd love to see me in a leadership position bc they said they can see it in me#and when they said all that i actually felt like i could believe it! they said good things and i was actually taking it in#anyways pray for me bc i wanna get certified to give vaccines and we're gonna be approaching the holiday season#when all my certifications are complete l m a o; you're supposed to get over the whole poking ppl with needles thing pretty quickly#iirc i have to practice by injecting saline into a pharmacist or smthn so there's that too#the pay raises from all this will be great bc lemme tell you. gabriel cosplay process is not gonna come cheap 😭#i still have to plan out how I'm doing this 😭 planning to make the spear as well; the swords are cooler and more important#but this outfit is gonna be a lot of firsts and the swords might just be a little too much next to the full body armour djfjkf#I'm gonna leave the helmet alone for a while and I'll probably regret it but I'm not strong enough to deal with that yet lmao#though. i could do the helmet and then take silly full body pics in cute outfits with it bc that's funny#i need at least one pic in full armour while holding the body pillow. debating bringing the pillow to the con I'm doing this for#bc that would also be really funny; would be kind of a pain to carry around with me but hear me out: it would be really funny#i have digressed wildly from the point of this post#shai speaks
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standing here in my star-patterned bathrobe holding a stylus while inscribing something onto my computer. it's wizard time baby
#just me hi#my mom came into the room n saw me doing all that + starting laughing and saying 'you look like a wizard' so i have achieved the Pinnacle#of my existence hhvsbhhfsv#my n my starry bathrobe on our way to cast spells (writing in a language no one can understand (regular handwriting) and portraying strange#otherworldly begins (drawing wet cat OCs))#/i should draw this though because it Is kind of silly now that i think about it#i'm a wizard >:3 my potions are store-bought and taste like cherry dr perpper and my spells are free from my brain#my runes? uhhh have you ever heard of drawing warmups ??#i lay out simple curses and it's words that make no sense and characters i actually talk about in secret like a little troll forgetting#other people can hear it Hfbhsv#my tower is whatever i'm standing on at the moment. which is a kneeling pad rn Lol :3#//which btw kneeling pads are Awesome for nearly everything#Except for sitting because everything will still hurt and maybe More than it did before Lmaooo#but like after a bit of standing it Sucks standing up and the kneeling pad is really good at helping me redistribute the weight doing that#ik it's better to stand than to sit but dude it blows so much harder hfhsbvhf#i am taking damage on all sides and with nearly every method but oh!! i will find a proper system well enough !!!#//anyway i think i want to get a wizard hat now lol :3#maybe a blue one!! i like blue :>>#//yea though i'm almost done with this ref!! !!!!#love it when things go smoothly. wheeee :D#i gotta add a couple things and then colour + shade + effects cuz i'll Die without my effects hfvbsh#really i learned how to do that little glitch thing and now i just can't go back lol :>#trying out new ways + new layer settings all the time so ~!~#//but YEA gonna get to that and then other things and stuffs!! you know :3#so tooooodles ~+~ !!
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you don't get how crazy i'm going over this
#like....LIKE?????#not even talking about the lisbon of it all (we have to though these things are intrinsically connected but we're holding off for now)#i'm so....proud? of this little fictional man?#was the setup a little silly? maybe (but i loved every SECOND of it i can't BELIEVE i actually got a big blowout and a lowest point-#realization AND a rush to the airport confession that's SO)#this payoff was so SO worth it for me#and honestly i don't think the setup was even THAT silly -- what did lisbon say in 4.24? he had to hit rock bottom and know it or something#that's this. hurting her like this is his rock bottom (see you can't ignore the lisbon of it all - which i LOVE)#even with all the crazy shitty things he's done up until now; especially to HER; it was to get red john; he had that to fall back on#(not that he really saw it as a fallback but it gave him something else to focus on/something to justify his methods)#but after red john (episode not person) he doesn't have that anymore and he's been floundering ESPECIALLY when it comes to her#this wasn't a con (*not an official con) this was him doing something shitty and her finally having had enough#and him realizing just how right she's been; she was right on the first plane this season and she was right at the blue bird#and he's finally able to admit to himself just how much of a shit he's been...and then he's able to admit a lot of other things too#that little bit of honestly led to so much more and it let him FINALLY say out loud what they both knew (as much as they ignored it#or talked around it or pushed it down) and it let him say it without pretenses or expectations; just because#he 'needed to get to this' and she 'deserved to hear it' and i'm usually kind of meh on 'i needed to say it/you needed to hear it'#but this one; this one i GET#and i'm not explaining myself well at all i'm delirious but the point is this is SO well done and it feels DESERVED for me i love it#tm
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