#actually they probably don't just think i'm lazy they probably think i'm too mentally ill and overly sensitive to be believed also. whatever

[skyler1290]

(Beast Ancients AU belongs to @cuppajj )

(Also, if you're reading this, I love your AU so much. You're an amazing person, and I hope you feel good today /gen! If you don't like the AU or feel uncomfortable with it, just comment it. I'll take it down immediately.)

So... a fun fact about me is that I make up way too many ideas for my own good. A bit too many. And I happened to imagine an AU of the Beast Ancients AU, which is basically fanfiction, once you think about it.

So, I remember the creator of the AU stating that there probably wouldn't be any heroes to come after the beasts, so I imagined up an AU of my own where that does happen.

And the heroes are their own children.

Boom boom bam, plot twist /j.

None of them are OCs, by the way. Instead, they're canon cookies I've chosen that would be their children in this AU, but aren't their children in the actual storyline (except Dark Choco).

Yea... I'm making it work. Basically, here's the parents and children:

Frigid Cacao = Dark Choco

Saint Vanilla = Kouign-Amann

Celestial Cheese = Stormbringer (she's a demigoddess in this AU. I'll explain it all if this AU gets @cuppajj 's approval)

Dragonberry = Raspberry

Midnight Lily = Mercurial Knight

So, basically, the witches are basically done with the cookies. They're like: "Oh my gosh. Why is this happening again? We're way too lazy to trap them into a tree like what we did with the last beasts. So instead, let's recruit their mentally ill teenage children to defeat them for us! Let's give them souljams and make them immortal. Seems like a good idea!"

Also, the children will be in their late teens in this AU (they're chronologically adults, but mentally and physically they are teens), it's a long story.

Here are the souljams (by the way, they'd all be two colors, just to press on the fact that these are new souljams and not fragments of old ones anymore. Though, they do connect to the past ones in concept):

Dark Choco = Balance (connects to Truth)

Kouign-Amann = Ambition (connects to Passion)

Stormbringer = Will (connects to Resolution)

Raspberry = Loyalty (connects to Freedom in an opposite like way)

Mercurial Knight = Detachment (connects to Abundance in an opposite like way)

Yes. My brain's a bit crazy. I don't know how I got these ideas, either. I can't tell if they're genuinely good or horrid.

If this AU gets the green light, unfortunately you aren't going to get any art or drawings. This is because I can't draw to save my life. So this AU will have to drive off of pure writing. 😭

But I'm not diving too deep into the AU for now since I want to make sure the creator is ok with this stuff.

P.S. = The old beasts are already defeated, but their powers and souljams are locked away, so the ancients beasts can't use them.

[weabooweedwitch]

Most women your age are getting married and starting their families and you've never even had a bf 🤡 it's so over for you better get used to coping with ur crippling loneliness with maladaptive daydreaming, yandere asmr videos, drugs and self-insert fanfic because that's all you'll ever have now. Your youth is gone and you're still fat af even after you lost weight (probably gained it all back by now lmao). You could have made something of urself whem you were 20 by losing weight and going to college but instead you laid around and wasted all of your youth and now it's too late. No man will ever want to deal with your baggage of being poor, old, unwanted, uneducated (lmao how do I have more education than you and I'm 10 years younger? dumbass doesnt even have her GED), cringey age-inappropriate hobbies, mentally ill and not even having the decency to go to therapy and take meds, fat, ugly face, loser and loner with no irl friends, crazy family, looking old for your age, whored yourself out on a sugar daddy website, rotten teeth due to your own laziness, thinning frizzy hair and gross bulky glasses, drug addicted alcoholic who's probably going to be homeless for the majority of her life, mean person attacking minor aged rape victims like jesus christ you're so fucking worthless SO many red flags so much baggage no-one will ever want to deal with that. You don't even know how worthless you are

You know, every time you send me a message like this, I think of the person from your friend group who came forward a while back. You know, the one you don't like to acknowledge tried to apologize on your behalf. Anyways, every time you insult my appearance I just think of what your friend said

So i get it sweetie, youre mad at mommy and daddy and you're lashing out. That's why half the time you're repeating things i previously said back to me and parroting shallow insults with a very small vocabulary. The second i call you fatherless, you call me fatherless. I use thw word maladaptive and, suddenly you know that word too and juat HAVE to use it as well. I get it. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

You're honestly just making yourself look so pitiable. You realize you've already painted yourself as such a dumb jackass that every single time you do this I basically just laugh and ignore you, and then people who know me and are friends or WANT TO be friends with me see how you treat me publicly and they all say "yeah wow who's this absolutely demonic little cunt acting like this without any reason". Like. What is the end goal here. Making yourself look as petty and stupid as possible. Meanwhile, what did someone else in your friend group say? The ones you lied to? Including Callie, the actual victim whose trauma you're basically trying to appropriate for yourself

Anyways yeah I just wanted to like show you the actual screenshots of the conversation I had with your friend back in June, which also to everyone else, yeah June, that's when she lied to her own friends and said she would stop doing this. She lied to her friends because all of them told her this was making them massively uncomfortable, so now she's. Being an internet troll in secret behind their backs 😂 they were going to tattle on you to your mom so you lied so they wouldn't check tumblr anymore because you're such a weird angry little freak that this has become a hobby for you

I'm sad? I'M sad? I don't even know your fucking name meanwhile you've scrolled through all of my blogs repeatedly for months cataloging details about me for the sheer purpose of trying to poorly insult me.

Like genuinely 90% of the reason I'm answering this is to basically wave a flag saying "hey everyone if you've ever seen or received weird asks of photoshopped porn of me or pictures of my actual family taken from their facebooks or saw the transphobic racist fake dating profile she made with one of my selfies or you ever received a bitch lasagna or Zalgo text, it was this cringey little lolcow right here"

But I also wanted to show you screenshot proof that you make your own friends super uncomfortable and that they started talking about your personal business to defend me over you. So. Yeah I guess that stings huh?

[camprell-art]

Does shadoo remember dimentio?

I thought about this for some time now.

So welcome to the "Camprell being mentally ill about his own fanlore" show!

I'm gonna put a read more here because it got soooooooo long.

1st option!

I can do it the extra painful way, that would be if they don't remember but still meet each other, and there is a probability that the whole ordeal with the Pixl Queen happens again, Shadoo is a living killing machine, she's locked behind all those walls and doors for a reason. But I don't like this one very much because it's too bland, and not just bland but a bit out of the plot, like, why would they even meet if nobody remembers anything?

2nd option!

This one can go in two ways, it could be like this story here, I would change some parts of it today, but essentially it's this, Dimentio goes there, says her name, she gets curious and then maybe they would talk... Buuut, this one would not make so much sense in the new characterization, my Dimentio was much more sensitive, more sad than insane? More depressed than psychotic or neurotic? I'll do better research about this, so you can correct me if I'm wrong.

3rd option!

This one is more tricky, because I would have to figure out what to do with the Dark Prognosticus, where the hell did the book go? Did it disappear? Was the Chaos Heart the ultimate point of it? Because I do believe that the DP, contrary to its Light counterpart, wasn't written by anyone, maybe created by something, however, considering that the thing can't keep its records forever (or else the book would be enormous), the only scenario that makes sense is that it is erased and written by itself, making the book more of an entity than an object.

If the DP is gone, then Dimentio can have other thoughts in his head that aren't obscured by the thing talking in it, so maybe some of his memories could slowly start to make sense, his dreams would come back to the "traumatic state", rather than blurry visions of a future that is near.

When I say traumatic state, I mean those memories that are very deep in his mind, the ones that actually explain all the actions and decisions he made in the past. Even the curse would have a meaning, he always thought it was some magic corruption because he kept coming back, but then, after a lot of dreams, he would discover that it wasn't entirely that.

Shadoo is literally what would happen to him if the curse was complete, in her case it was way faster, since the only reason she is alive was because she became a Pixl with the help of the Prognosticus. When Pixl Queen Shadoo dies again, all that is left is a shadow of herself, the thing in the end of the Pits is just her soul. If someone killed her for real, she would just turn into a glittery dust and fade from reality, no Underwhere, no Overthere. But I believe that for this immortal "creature" this is the best ending she could have.

So Dimentio would probably kill her just to end her suffering, and I think that Shadoo wouldn't even be scared if this does happen, all that she wanted was revenge, but there's no reason to do that when your brother came back and you finally can rest after so many years of isolation and loneliness.

Sorry for possible redundancies and grammatical errors + typos + wrong words, I'm so sleepy and I'm lazy to correct and read my own text. X)

[markersmadness]

OTP PROMPTS ೄྀ

If you're brainrotting, here are some situations & scenarios that can help with writer's block, or just are fun to imagine!

A = Typically the character struggling in angsty prompts, perhaps the stubborn person in the relationship. Usually the main focus in a 3rd person POV!

B = Typically a stoic character. May be better at hiding their feelings, or have a complex psyche especially. Usually the perspective in a 1st person POV!

[ Whatever characters you envision never have to fit these tropes, they're just a general outline as to what these prompts work best for! The roles reverse occasionally for ships with other dynamics or dynamics where both characters share the descriptors listed. You're more than welcome to use a prompt here without credit, but I'd love to see anything made based off these prompts! ]

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A comes out as [identity/sexuality]. This idea can be elaborated upon in many ways! Perhaps it makes B realize they actually have a chance, or that they don't know A as well as A knows them. Did A not have a choice? Perhaps B could be comforting A after being distraught that they had been outed. Was it a drunk confession? One that only happened after a series of very 🌈 things, and/or is very overdue? The possibilities are endless! If you're more of a hurt/no comfort person, consider if B didn't like them that way or was discriminative. Or A was murdered or hate crimed for it, bullied, etc. Think about how A would handle it, and how would B react to A's reaction?

The gold ol' sickfic in which A falls ill. A great fluff, angst, hurt/comfort or even a hurt/no comfort. Fuck it, a smut fic in some cases! Consider what reasons your character probably got sick; Overworking, laziness (not being hygienic), staying out in the rain too long, just getting sick during that time of the year, having a weak immune system, mental problems that had/have physical symptoms, was unlucky and got a chronic illness, eating habits, family genetics, perhaps even faking being sick for B's attention! Consider how B would react to this information- or if they'd even know this information about the other, and if A would tell them. Would B pick up on the clues, or be oblivious to the other's sickness? How would B care for them? Would B be more soft, or be angry with them for getting sick? What stage of their relationship are they in? If you struggle to write a sick character, I suggest scrolling through the sickfic tag!

Note: While most sickfics show a dynamic where B is a caretaker and only listening and tending to A, there are lots of other possibilities! B could get into an argument with A because A refuses to rest, or argue because B doesn't know how to explain that they're in love with A and that's why it's important to them that A is happy and healthy without confessing. A could feel burdensome and force themself to get better (which could backfire), or B could be absolute dogshit at caretaking (babe I made you soup but I burnt the everything) (shit this ice pack is warm as fuck) (I'm sorry dude I fucked up your assignments while you were resting), etc.

Jealousy. While it's a overused trope, it is still a good one! Typically portrayed as B being protective over A, I find it is more fun to write when both are jealous for each other. Or when the jealous character hasn't come to terms with their feelings ("I'm not in love but when my "friend" flirts with someone else I feel really mad for no reason at all hahaha what"). Did A make B jealous on purpose, or by mistake? Maybe A is the emotional hotheaded one, or the jokester, whilst B is more reclusive and gentle, making their uncharacteristic anger (read; jealous) that much more evident. Or it could be A whose jealous, as B is simply chilling and talking to someone, and now it isn't a joke when A comments that "don't get too friendly I might get jealous!" They could also be rivals if you like ETL, making their jealousy even more confusing for them because why would I ever feel jealous about them..?! That's so weird whattt...

Jealousy is used a lot in every aspect of fanfiction. I find it best enjoyed as angst, but wholesome reassurance fluff is also a huge fan favorite of a lot of people I know- ("I only like you, so don't worry", etc.) Smut, of course, plays on jealousy as well. But make sure to keep in mind jealousy isn't the same as possessiveness! Protective characters can be more prone to jealousy, using B as an example, who wants to protect their loved ones, but then why does it hurt when someone is protecting A, and it isn't them? Humor is also used in jealousy, as watching a character slowly get hotheaded or act stupidly or comedically from their jealousy is also fun to read. Do consider when writing (if you want to!) if B comes off as overbearing or jealous, or both? Write them the way you want them to come off, as readers can feel uncomfortable if possessiveness or other toxic traits are passed off as jealousy. And it's also interesting to read about a character who thinks it's just jealousy! However, make sure to properly tag your works if on ao3, or add TWs on other platforms so they know what they're reading :)

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That's all I have right now! If this gets a lot of likes or if anyone wants more tropes / ideas like this I'd be happy to make a part 2. I've been brainrotting so much I've run through these scenarios like 30 times over, so I'm making this guide for myself as well so I can stop repeating the same fanfic in my head (>_<)

[jimmyandthegiraffes]

Fic Writing Review 2023 🌈

Thank you sm @itwoodbeprefect for the tag!!!

I hardly published anything this year so if u wanna skip to 'projects for 2024' that's gonna be the most interesting bit >.<

Words and Fics (on ao3) 📚

words posted: 714 💀 but many more words were written, just not posted lol fics posted: 1 first fic/last fic 😅: King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963)

Ships and Fandoms ⚓

Doctor Who - no ships really but KotE is Mike Yates-centric.

Top 5 Fics by Kudos 🏆

It's KotE again lol which is at 6 kudos. Of all time, tho:

After the Hour(glass) - Night at the Museum (Jedtavius)

Less Than Ideal Circumstances - The Man from UNCLE (TV) (Napollya)

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV)

Dismiss Your Fears - Back to the Future

After All, I'm Only Sleeping - Doctor Who (1963)

Top 5 Favorite Fics 💖

KotE......... I do actually rly enjoy KotE I think it has potential in terms of where it's going. But since I only posted one fic in 2023, I'll do my top 5 of fics I've ever posted. Apart from the first one this is in no particular order

tickertape - The A-Team (TV) it's my baby it's all I thought about for months of my life, it's like an iceberg (i.e. most of it is in my WIP doc, and only a tiny fraction is published so far), it got me thru a difficult time, it's an exploration of mental illness and complicated messy relationships expressed in epic format (i.e. it's probably gonna be novel length when it's done)

Bullet Number Six - Starsky & Hutch (TV) it received criticism for being obscure and hard to follow bc it switches pov briefly halfway thru but idc i love it anyway

I Gotta Right to Sing the Blues - The A-Team (TV) it was my first A-Team fic and I still think for a beginner it nailed some p realistic in-character dialogue and addressed an undertone I wished I'd seen addressed in the ep it's a coda to.

When They Sleep - The Man from UNCLE (TV) it's kind of riddled with certain mannerisms of my slightly older writing which I personally find a bit annoying and have worked to iron out for the sake of elegance over the years. but I still think it's a cool little exploration of all my sleep headcanons for the pair of them in one place

King of the Eyesores - Doctor Who (1963) see it made it to the list after all! I kinda like it more for its potential than for what it is right now butttttt who cares.

special mention to Unbereft (Starsky & Hutch) which I really really like but I wrote it in one frenzied sitting and only remembered after I'd posted it that it was very like someone else's fic I'd read several years previously. I don't think it's too much like to be taken down and I've since mentioned the writer of the other fic (it was dawnwind, hello!) in the notes. that's the only reason unbereft isn't in my top 5 because I'm otherwise really proud of how well it's written. Not to tootle on my own trumpet.

Fandom fic events

none RIP but maybe this year!!

Projects for 2024

Okay here we goooooooooooo

priority 1 is to finish the unfinished works that I've already half posted: King of the Eyesores, Every Line A Comedy, OUTATIME, The Windhover, tickertape, The Hanoi Bank Job and Other Misadventures, 38 Hours. Bolded are my top priorities.

other works that I'm writing but which haven't seen the light of day at all yet:

Dear Mike - an epistolary between Jo Grant and Mike Yates following her marriage to Cliff Jones.

The Lark/Behind That Locked Door (working titles) - a 30-chapter 2/Jamie fic about season 6B in which Jamie suffers permanent memory problems after the War Games. It explores grief, social ostracism, feeling abandoned, undirected anger, guilt, and acceptance that healing sometimes is a process that is never complete. I've been working on it since about 2016 lol but I'm lazy I just need to press on.

hell valley au - as yet untitled lol. In which the Hell Valley!Marty (who is never seen in BTTF2 as he is in Switzerland) and Hell Valley!Doc (who has been institutionalized) break out of their respective situations and go on the run together. But there's a problem - they had to leave Einstein behind, and when they get information that Einie is to be used for a dogfight, they make the risky decision to go back to Hill Valley to rescue him. However, going back to the place they just escaped by the skin of their teeth also brings them face to face with the last person they expect to meet.

a changed man (working title) - a Randall & Hopkirk (Deceased) fic from Jeannie's pov. mostly it's about their picnic excursions but it's also about Jeannie wishing Marty wasn't such an elephant in the room

mfu/rahd xover (untitled) - the first chapter of this is almost ready to go tbh. it's what it says on the tin lol, Napoleon and Illya go to London and get help from a rather eccentric private detective who has uncanny powers of solving impossible cases but also they think is probably clinically insane

to see him happy - VERY weird rahd fic. it's smut but its also about grief. might never post it because several of my family members have access to my tumblr and therefore my ao3 lol they dont need to see that

the winter of '62 - a study of jeff and marty's life when they lived together in a grotty bedsit and couldnt afford to put the heating on

star wars (untitled) - set during ROTJ, han pov. han's lost a lot of time and now everyone is one step ahead of him which isn't a sensation he's used to

skyrissian - what it says on the tin lol

the older gen (untitled) - jeeves fic about bertie's aunts and uncles and parents as they were as they variously grew up, got married, had children, died (or didn't), fell prey to alcoholism or insanity or petty crime, went to war, prospered (or didn't)... This is pretty unlikely to be finished this year tbh as it's very detailed but I can dream

a couple of long form fics about starsky & hutch and mfu respectively (the s&h one is set post sweet revenge, the mfu one takes place at various moments throughout the show)

x-files series - canon compliant until paperclip and then gradually diverges into how i think the show should have gone lol. another biggie

and a handful of tintin fics that im protective of and might never post but we'll see - one where tintin and chang go on holiday in london after picaros, one where the gang encounters rajaijah one last time (featuring a letter from didi, chang making a very daring crossing at the songolese border, and tintin taking about ten years to chop up a clove of garlic), and one where tintin gets shitfaced at an embassy ball and accidentally starts an Incident. haddock looks on, appalled.

i knoooooooooooooooowww this is a lot but i'm not realistically hoping to finish it all this year but it's nice to have lots of things to play around with lol.

unfortunately i have the eternal problem of not ever knowing which of my mutuals write fic and which of those havent already been tagged but imma tag @theteaisaddictive and genuinely if u see this and u write fic ur tagged i want to knowwwwwwwwwwwww <333

[blu-lewd]

1,2,3, 21, 34, 42, 44, 47 :3

-🐇

What is your most tame kink, and why do you like it?

I think breeding is probably pretty tame? Maybe biting?

For breeding: I'm infertile. So this has developed into a "kink for something I can never have" kinda scenario. I really wanna have kids, I love kids, I wanna be a dad really badly. But I'm infertile. The idea of someone having my children fills me with so much euphoria that it's just developed into a kink over time I guess. Also just... Iunno, someone looking at me and thinking "I want this man to father my children" does it too. That someone looks at me and thinks I'm good enough to have that honour, I guess. That they'd look at me and think I'd be a good father fit to raise their kids. The thought makes me happy.

As for biting, uh... feels good, reckon? I'm very hands-on (reckon "primal" is the term) so I use my hands and mouth a lot for sex. I'm bitey.

2. What is your most extreme kink, and why do you like it?

Homicide. I'm mentally ill. Amusingly I'm not a necrophile (I have no interest in fucking corpses) but the idea of fucking someone to death gives me a bit of a thrill, yeah. Unfortunately this is a kink looked down upon even in kink-positive spaces 😅

3. What kink are you most embarrassed by, and why?

I don't reckon I'm embarrassed by any of my kinks...? Though I guess the one with most capacity to ruin my life if anyone found out would be the homicide one, so reckon that.

21. What was the best orgasm you've had recently? Why was it so good?

Uhh... Iunno I got short-term memory loss (ADHD). I let my sub take the reins a few nights ago cuz I wasn't feeling it and reckon it'd be that? Or the one I had a few days ago early in the morning... I like early-morning lazy roots like that.

34. Describe your ideal sexual evening.

No preference. Like the idea of heading out on a picnic and rooting under the stars with some music playing on the radio, though.

42. Describe your most recent sex dream.

Ate out my sub while she was sleeping. That was fun. Wish the dream lasted longer.

44. Describe your orgasms.

Uhhh... Well that's hard. They're never really that intense (yay nerve damage). I've never had an earth-shattering one like you hear people talking about. It's a whole lotta nothing for about 20 minutes and then the last three minutes or so is when I can actually feel it build fast and hard. Then it hits like a brick and I'm left sucking wind for a minute or two. If it's the last round of the night I usually pass out right after for 2-5 minutes and then wake back up and resume whatever I was doing. If it's not the last round I stay aware and just gotta catch my breath. Usually takes three for me to reach the sleepy stage but that really depends on how much I'm physically exerting myself.

Also I usually come dry, so. At least I don't really have to worry about cleanup.

47. Where on your body do you enjoy being stimulated, that is not typically used for sexual stimulation? Have you ever had an orgasm from it?

Uh... nipples? And my hair. I like my hair being petted/pulled a lot. And my arms. When I'm rooting someone and they grab my bicep? It's great. Also like people touching my beard. My girlfriend hooked me onto that—she liked my beard and used to pet it relentlessly. After sex that shit'd put me to sleep immediately.

I've never come from anything except persistent attention to my cock (see the above—it takes a good 15 minutes at least, but usually at least twenty).

[Link to ask game.]

[cryptidsurveys]

Friday, July 26th, 2024.

Do you ever worry about your future? (i.e.: college, marriage, kids, etc) I try not to dwell on it too much because it feels so daunting and hopeless, but yes, I do have a lot of fears about my future (finances, independence, living situation, deaths of loved ones, general survival…). I lost most of my teens and 20s to what I guess could be considered pretty severe mental illness, so I'm waaay behind where I should be for someone my age. It's only been over the past year or so that I feel like I've made real progress toward getting it together.

Does your family use coasters? Is anyone in your family excessively tidy? I use folded paper towels for drinks at my computer desk, but otherwise, no. Also, no one is excessively tidy, but I do try to keep things reasonably neat.

What’s your least favorite chore to do around the house? Do you have to do this often? Probably anything involving dusting. Idk why. It's not like I don't do the same damn thing at the animal shelter, and a whole heck of a lot more of it.

If you went to your mom/dad or whoever you live with and said “hey, I’ll clean the whole house if you give me 20 bucks” would they go for it? Would you raise the price? My dad and I share our incomes and expenses, so there wouldn't really be any point to that.

Are you usually late, early or right on time? Early.

If you wrote a journal entry about your last date, what would it say? Hmm.

On a scale of 1 to 5 how organized are you? Maybe 2-3.

Name a movie you can watch over and over again and not be bored with? I'm actually not the type of person to repeatedly rewatch movies. Once I know what's going to happen, no matter how much I might love a film, it just makes me feel somewhat bored and restless.

Do you wear pajamas to places other than at your house? Sometimes shopping. They aren't like pajama pajamas, though; it's usually something like sweatpants and a hoodie.

Do you take showers in the morning or at night more? I take them in the mornings, then again when I get home from the shelter.

What is the wallpaper on your cellphone? It's a photo of a dark and cloudy sunrise from yeeears ago.

Do you still have your tonsils? I do.

What is the worst thing someone has ever done to you? Idk.

Have you ever gone nude/streaked in public? No.

Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? I've never been told that I snore. Idk if I steal the covers. And my sleep style could be compared to a rotisserie chicken.

Why aren’t you with the person you love? I'm not in love with anyone.

Could you go out in public looking like you do now? Aside from the hoodie, which I put on when I got home, I just returned from a fundraising event for the shelter. You know how I was saying I was socially/emotionally worn out in the last survey? Well, I feel rather rejuvenated now. It was a really nice time. :') Also, maybe I'm too hard on myself when it comes to feeling like I don't belong. Like, there was a speech honoring staff, volunteers, sponsors, etc, and when it got to the staff part, I was clapping for some workers nearby and Marissa was like, "don't clap for me like you don't work here too!" ;D I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow. I'm too tired/lazy to bother with that now.

Do you like the rain? Yesss.

What is your mom listed under in your phone? Mom.

Do you like going to the dentist? No.

Are you afraid of speaking to large audiences? Yeah.

Are you afraid to tell the truth sometimes? Yeah, or to say what I really think/feel. It'd be honest, but probably not productive.

What’s one quality about yourself that you feel sets you back but also helps you? People-pleasing. I feel like it leads to people really liking me in a superficial way, but never really knowing me because I'm just sort of one-dimensional in that regard. I'm always happy/trying to make others happy, refraining from saying anything too real, deep, or controversial, etc. I'm starting to see how it keeps people at a distance and how it's probably part of the reason I have trouble truly connecting with others, but then I'm afraid that if I let my real personality show through, people wouldn't like that either. At least if I remain a people-pleaser, I can blame my defense mechanism. But if I let my guard down and people don't like me, well then what do I do…?!

Was anyone who had been in your company today in a bad mood? Maybe slightly.

The last time you felt sick what exactly was wrong? Migraine.

What did you do today? I was at the animal shelter from around 7am-12pm. Got home, showered, had lunch, took a survey, passed the time with some trash YouTube, had a snack at some point, and went to the event mentioned above.

[alliumbunny]

Ended season 2!!! lessss gggoo!!!

Good season! lots of funny moments, has many bad parts but hey, we got ice cream kitty out of it so I'm happy(I'm secretly seething half the time but it doesn't matter rn ;3 )

I looked up where to watch the last three seasons of 2012 and turns out it's on paramount+!! Which my sister has so now all my worries of not being able to watch the last three seasons ever are gone Yippeee!!!

but uh, season 3! uh, I've gotten to I think ep9? or 10? i don't remember

I'm at the episode right after they get back to new york city, yee.

So hmm, Idk how to feel about the season currently, lots of good moments but uh, lots of bad ones too, at least to me.

i don't like how many times i've seen april kiss donnie at this point, I was fine with it beforehand because I don't see cheek kisses as romantic unless the relationship is already romantic(dating or something idk) so I was completely fine with it but then I think she kissed him on the lips in the bigfoot episode and like, hahahahahahah please stop <3 I'm very uncomfortable with that so yee.

I also don't like the Bigfoot liking donnie thing, these turtles are 15 and Bigfoot is deffo older then that and It makes me feel weird and shit :/

THAT FUCKING SPIRITUAL EPISODE SUCKS! like I love it, the outfits are!! To die for <3 <3 but omg Leo's arc in that episode fucking sucks, Don't fuckin tell me that "the pain is all in my mind" and that "It's just an excuse" DUDE!!!!!!! FUCK U!! FUCK YOU WRITERS OF THE SHOW!! I wish that episode was!! idk!! Leo learning that maybe he shouldn't FUCKING TRAIN until his knee is IDK AT LEAST 99% HEALED!! That MAYBE he shouldn't be aggravating his knee INJURY! I think that it's in character to make him want to start training before he's even 80% healed, to have him accidentally hurt his own healing process, in fact, I THINK IT'S A REALLY GOOD IDEA!! for an episode!! that episode!! it reminds me of those people who think essential oils actually fuckin work to heal all injurys, oh my stars aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. absolutely none of that makes sense probably but I needed to rant about it or i'd explode hbfudkbgjf

I hate how they did mikey in this show, I understand the focus thing but i feel like they never actually do anything about it he just "focuses" for a little bit and then doesn't have ANY character growth because of it, HE IS THE SAME, at least in the focusing. I hate how the writers said he has ADHD and then never put any effort into showing it OTHER then the focusing thing(and hyperactivity but I'm not focusing(heh) on that rn yee), at least to me. I relate to mikey alot but not in the ADHD category(Despite me having adhd) I understand that he has it, but i personally(as one person with adhd, not the entire mental illness lol) don't like how it's portrayed, it feels, idk lazy? i guess. yes he has adhd, no i don't think it's handled well by the writers. I'm just rambling the same things over and over at this point.

I don't really have any complaints with Raph... anymore. His anger issues aren't really.. an issue.. at this point. not to say he doesn't have them, I just think at this point they've done a good job at portraying him being able to control it better, It reminds me Alot of, well, me. I have anger issues and they used to be extremely bad, but I've mellowed out as i've grown up. I like that about raph, it feels like he's personally getting better, y'know... I mean, I don't think they wanted that, but y'know. I'm pretty sure they're gonna butcher that part of him in the future, but Idk rn y'know :3

I don't like him in that one episode, y'know, with the frogs. but that's mostly cause he's a fuckin jerk tbh.

Mikey gets done dirty alot in these few episode it seems, mostly... by his brothers? not to say he doesn't do anything wrong, but i don't really like how his brothers treat him in the.. uh aprils mom, episode. I think they should've trusted him more, I think the show has a big problem with not SHOWING us that Mikey has done like, dumb or annoying things, until it's a point about how 'mikey has done and said annoying and dumb things but he's right so liikkeee' LIKE His brothers don't trust him AT ALL, show writers!! i haven't been givin the impression that mikey is at all really annoying or really stupid but his brothers are playing it up like he's the dumbest mother fucker they've ever met, like bruuh

that's how I see it at the least. Alot of this is just me rambling about my thoughts on the show, alot of it is negative but I do genuinely enjoy the show, I'm just extremely critical of the things I watch. Sometimes a show that's normally pretty good, is gonna do something pretty weird or bad and i like talking about that so ya :]

either way, season three is at the least, okay, and at the best, good, i think, ya :3

[vulpine111]

(For context, this was months ago. My brain likes to recycle crap to get mad about.)

Martie insulted me and then dropped me as a friend when I tried to reach out for help a while back. All I did was ask if she knows any good crisis lines and she essentially told me I have no work ethic. Apparently I "expect" my friends to "have all the answers," too.

I was upset that I can't afford music equipment to make soundtracks for movies, games, etc. and all I've got is a guitar. I feel like my calling in life is to work with layers of sound.

This dream still feels really out of reach.

I wish I could go to school for music and such but I have to pick something more lucrative if I want to get off SSI, then slowly save for items. I am probably going to be a teacher or something in the medical field. Anaesthesia is highly competitive. I may have to settle for radiology.

I don't understand why she has to be so rude to me. I wasn't asking her to talk me out of anything. I just wanted a crisis resource because in the past, Trans Lifeline isn't always open and Trevor Project didn't understand why I was so upset about not having the tools to work on stuff and succeed in ways that matter to me.

It seems like she only respects other folks who are in positions of privilege over me.

She has a car, a partner, a great job, and gets to go hiking constantly. She has a very nice life and she had to rub in my face she has no time for me. I wish I had a car, a spouse, a career, and could hike and travel as much as she does. :/

I'm not lazy.

I'm disabled.

I have therapy today but the session is going to be centered around how to keep my job.

In the future, I'd like some resources how to grieve friends I lose over issues caused by my brain injury, mental illness, chronic pain and such. I've had more people than just Martie drop me because they don't have patience for someone like me.

I am actually a highly intelligent, creative, resilient and hard working person. It's a shame there are people like Martie who think my life and feelings are less important because I wasn't dealt as great of a hand in life as she was. lol

[an-arch11]

I haven't been doing well at all and so I'm gonna ramble a bit and probably delete this in a few hours, let's fucking go.

I hate hate hatehatehate it when people talk\joke about how I'm very obvoiuslt gay or mentally ill and it's like yeah I fucking know and I lowkey hate myself for it can you please shut the hell up. "Omg, you radiate gay\He's a guy\have you seen yourself? you're a fucking twink" actually, I'm still in the fucking closet so if you cold please stop talking about this very loudly and in public, it'd be very appeiviated. Like, seriously if I have to here you mention my queerness to someone IM NOT OUT TO AND DON"T FUCKING KNOW I"M GONNA LOSE MY DANE MIND OMG PLEASE JUST STOP!!!! Also, people talk about my mental health pisses me off too cause if it's so fucking obvious why isn't anyone at all concerned??? Since I was 11, people have constantly joked about how I'm clearly depressed (Which I hadn't even realized at the time and wouldn't until this year. Still can't fully accept it) and it's like if my issues are so fucking obvious why does noboyd care????? I've wanted to die since I was 11 and it's a fucking joke. I've hated my body since I was 12. I've hated my neurodivergence since I was 7. I've hated myself for so fucking long, I've been ignored and belittled, but it's no fucking deal when it's Tim. "Oh, Tim's angry for no reason? He's quiet, fidgety, and has fallen asleep in 4-5 different classes already? Well, he said he's fine so he must be because clearly lying isn't a thing at all." And then I play the role to cheer peopple up when I don't even know how because it's my fucking job and I have no purpose if I can't help people. My defining trait since as long as I can remember was how "nice" and "uplifting" and "generous" I was to those around me. My whole life, I have built upon what I can do for others but now people don't need me and I'm falling apart cause I never learned how to take care on myself emotionally.In middle school, my friends used to d whatever they could to make me angry cause it was super easy back thin and I kindoa miss it cause at least it gave me something to do withh all my negative energy rather than bottle it up like I do now cause I had to stop wone I relaized it was just pushing poeple away more than my natural RBF and unsettling behaviours already do and with all the high levels of energy I've aways fucing had, it all just stays hin my head and It's been fucking up everything cause my brain own't shut the heell up every anf i hate t so much cause my brain hates me and I just can't stop thinking bad things and it hurts and I don't even now what I'vm doing with my life anymore. My math teacher talked to me yesterday. She said I was really good at math, I just didn't do my mhome work, so L2 is the best spot for me, which is the request I'd put in so all was good. And then she asked what I might want to do in colllega. ANd the answer was, "I don't know. I mean, I've got a few ideas and possibilities, but now much beyond that." Which was a fukcing lie case I have no idea what I'm doingwith my life. I barely find it feasable the I amke it past this school year. I don't think I'm gonna be able to graduate. I'm to much of a fuck up, no matter what anyne says. My grandma says she thinks I have a higher IQ than my dad. That I'm smart. My dad thinks I'm smart, my mum thinks I'm smart, even my teachers think so. I feel like a liar. Cause I'm so fucking stupid, it's unbelieveable. Grammarly is yelling at me as I type this but I'm too fucking lazy to log it, so I won't fix anything. I'm not smart. I'm not kind. I'm not pleasent to be around. I'm hideous. My voice is terrible, speaking and signing. I take up too much space. I can't do fucking anything any more. I can't remember to brush my own fucking teeth more than once a week. I used to not brush my hair. I barely sleep. I nearly cry if I eat more than 700 - 800 caloeies. I'm boring. God, I'm a fucking mess and I don't even have reason to be. Nothing fucking happened to me. I'm surrounded by people who have had and continue to have it so much fucking worse and I still have the fuckinng ego to feel bad for mysef and for what? Absolutely nothing.

That felt really good, actually. Well, not really good, but kinda nice, idk.

[hopesofawallflower]

November 12, 2024

Hey... It has been a long while. There is so much to share, but so little at the same time. I just... don't really know where to start.

The past two years of my life was...hell. I completed my military service and had pretty much stayed at home for the past two years playing video games. The first year was recovering from the leg surgery I had, and... the second year was just... I don't even know. My family labels it as 'laziness', while I call it 'depression'.

There were multiple fights, big ones, with my brother. He seems to struggle to understand my emotions. When I refuse to open up to him about anything going on in my life, he assumes the worst, then calls me a liar for actually trying what little I can put an effort in. When I do open up to him in the heat of an argument, he then claims I'm using my mental illness as an excuse to be lazy since I don't physically display the tell tale signs of someone going through depression. It was exhausting. Between the big fights, small fights, the gossiping with my parents behind my back... it really felt like my life was not worth living for. Family? What family? Family don't call each other names. They don't say you're a good-for-nothing. They don't shout at you, while talking politely with my brother even though he's in the wrong in certain situations. These two to three years made me realize that I'm done with my family. I'm absolutely done.

My brother got his own place and moved out in October. We kept things cordial until he moved out which meant we're still roughly on talking terms... and I guess without the constant close proximity in the same living quarters, it's just a little more tolerable.

My relationship with my parents is the same old off and on bullshit. We get into huge verbal fights from time to time... but my mental state is so messed up I'm actively trying to not speak with them. I don't think they noticed, but soon they might, which will probably spark up another argument. It does not matter though. I'm done. No conversations means there's nothing they can find to spark up any further arguments.

In lieu of my brother moving out, I get a larger living space. It's not huge by any means, and I'm still sleeping in the living room which meant my privacy is almost non-existent since my parents can just walk out of their bedroom and get a view of everything. Not to mention the noise and light they produce when I'm planning to have an early night. It's much less of a nightmare after my brother moved out, but still a nightmare nonetheless. I'm trying to transform this living room into a more conducive environment for myself. I'm planning to get some new furniture, maybe some table potted plants to spruce up the space. I need this. I need this badly.

I have also gotten a job. I started 4 months ago in June. I work at the backend of a Bank, just simple stuff, not too complicated, but doesn't mean that it isn't tedious. The sheer volume of work makes me question life sometimes. Getting a job means i have much lesser time to play video games, but have money to do things I want to do. Like get a professional camera, and travel the world. The latter will have to wait though.... I also built a new PC. Costs a bomb, but I'm pretty satisfied with it.

Work has been... all right so far. I am currently 'on loan' to another department and that department has been working me to my bones. I have started to overtime and I just can't get a breather during work. Paperwork just keeps piling up, the colleagues in that department seems extremely judgmental and just yesterday, I stopped myself from lashing out at something ridiculous that was said to me by a colleague there. I just need to be cool and ignore the people there until the end of the year since that's when I am scheduled to go back to my original department. The colleagues there are much nicer.

Sorry if it seems I'm rushing through everything. My mental state isn't the best right now.... and there's just so much I want to share, but there's this massive mental block so I'm just speeding through whatever comes into my mind.

So right now... I just spend majority of my time at work on weekdays and after getting home from work, I will be on my PC until it's my bed time. The weekends are pretty similar... I just spend the entire day on my PC and then go to bed.

There's not much going on in my life.... I just feel really... lonely, unsatisfied and it seems like every little thing triggers this gnawing and insatiable rage in me. Nothing makes me happy and there are some afternoons I just stare at the wall, thinking about everything, yet nothing at all.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what I can do. I just... feel so lost.

Good night, world.

[drinkjanola]

yeah so basically i'm gonna lose it soon probably. i think i'm finally ready to give up on my current "successes", like having a job and semi-functioning. i'm ready to get in contact with the crisis line, possibly end up in a mental health facility, and get better. i was diagnosed as autistic at 10. i've received little to no support over the years. the most support i have is through funding, which has given me an iphone, an ipad, an apple watch, and a pair of galaxy buds when i still had a samsung. it'll allow me to claim back certain travel expenses, and go to things like concerts to improve my quality of life. but i never received support in my education. support in learning how to unmask. i even went to a private special education school because it was the only place i could cope with. guess what? i masked the whole time. i didn't learn shit because my teacher didn't want to acknowledge that i finally understood my sensory needs a little more. she thought i was lazy but i couldn't do my school work in the classroom i was shoved into. that school, by the way, is shutting down soon because they were doing so rough financially. they may have failed me but they didn't fail a lot of their higher needs students.

so, as us autistics know, when left undiagnosed and untreated/neglected for too long, no accommodations in sight, what happens? that's right! other shit develops! i have symptoms that align with bpd now. it could just be the autistic burnout doing abnormal shit, but it's definitely in-line with how bpd can appear, and i even have childhood trauma to accompany that. there's other folks out there who end up with other cluster-b disorders, other various mental illnesses, but the fact that i was diagnosed at an early enough age to actually prevent this... and i'm ending up like everyone else that had a late diagnosis? it's so depressing. it makes me so upset. they caught it early. and i knew i had autism from the age of ten. but since i was "smart" and "performed well at school" and i was "well behaved", i never got assistance because it made me not eligible for anything like a teacher aide, like the non-verbal and high support needs student just across the class from me had all day. he got all the support he needed, which he should've, just because his disability was visible. i got ignored because i had "aspergers" and "was high functioning".

i don't remember ever having a good enough break from school, or more recently work, to where i could rest. where i could recover from my burnout. i got maybe a month and a half during summer school holidays as a kid during school. and two weeks between terms. but now that i'm working, even if it's only part time, i never take that two weeks off because i can't afford to. i don't get that month and a half off because i can't afford to. my old workplace was accommodating, but my fixed term ended at the end of february. my current workplace, with all its confusing and overwhelming bullshit, also required me to explain to my manager what autism is. she didn't even bother to google it between our first and second interview.

i'm going to work tomorrow, to cover a shift. then thursday, i'll be gathering all my necessary shit together to hopefully apply for a benefit. then, after my work week is finished, i'll have my mum call the crisis line for me, to see if i can organize going to a mental health facility before i lose my mind entirely. i can feel it getting worse, the autistic burnout i never got a chance to recover from. i've probably been experiencing the same burnout that i've never recovered from for, i'd like to say at least seven or eight years? since i was a child? it'd always just come back and bite me in the ass again after a while. summer holidays were never really enough, i need a year or two off. and i need my mental health back in order.

[ai-the-broccoli]

like I really hate the days when my mood, executive dysfunction, depression, anxiety and crap are noticeably worse than usual because my parents sure always just make it worse when it happens. (those happens like. usually around twice a month? and go on for a few days. think it's got something to do with brain chemicals etc, idk). because when this happens my motivation & executive dysfunction reach rock bottom* (for usual/general days; it's probably not as bad as like when there's a big unusual trigger for it I guess) for a few days and I feel exceptionally empty (today is the worst this month so far I think), so like my productivity or like my ability to do literally anything also gets even worse than usual.

[cw: vent, uhhh idk this probably qualifies as parental abuse?]

and when that happens (tbh this happens both with that and when my issues are physical pain etc), well. my parents don't offer the smallest amount of sympathy and they just get especially... critical? idk, at me and are really fucking good at making me out to be the one at fault 100%, the one somehow oppressing them and infringing on their basic human survival rights (???? my mom likes to use that word without considering what it actually means) (I mean it does trouble them when my doing things late causes them to not be able to sleep early as they need to, but the way she always talks about it even when I'm just a bit late, it sounds like I am literally in some sort of oppressor class to her which is. lol. lmao even.), no matter what, while they're sooooooo good and tolerant of me and provide everything for me even though I'm done nothing to deserve it! and I'm an adult already so why can't I fulfill my responsibilities like they do. and I should be so grateful. and they can do so much on their bad days too, physically or mentally, while I am always just lazy and making excuses. urgh. and they want to complain at me ceaselessly but that's entirely my fault, and also if I respond to even one sentence of it then I'm horrible for it. and I can't even really tell them it is really indeed because of specific mental health issues that I have because they'll just accuse of making excuses, and telling me while I do have them my neurodivergences and mental illnesses aren't on the bad/severe level unlike some other kids they've seen out there, which means I can actually do this, that I do have it easy-ish compared to them even though I have those, and if I ever just reveal a little more than usual, like if I just actually drop the roundabout polite covert ass way of bringing up mental illness, and actually tell them about like, suicide ideations or shit, or I openly display strong emotions, they immediately accuse me of being dramatic/exaggerating/faking/impolite/bad for doing that, and accuse me of trying to manipulate them and being soooo ungrateful for it despite all they do for me. fucking hell. and this isn't even to mention how they literally caused it so that I kinda have trauma with having to wash dishes after dinner. urgh whatever

augh. if only i could find a way to live away from my parents

[cuntess-carmilla]

I'm thinking too that if able-bodied people would just... Get acquainted with like a physical disability glossary you all would hijack content and posts that are VERY EXPLICITLY about physical disability a lot less, and a good portion of you would probably realize you actually aren't as able-bodied as you thought.

The way you all read the term "chronic illness" and don't immediately associate it with physical disability is worrying.

The way how even when my reblogs begging you all to stop treating my posts about chronic illness as if they were about mental illness get traction you all start tagging them as #health instead of as #mental illness, but not as #chronic illness or #physical disability. EVEN THOUGH THE TWO TERMS WERE USED ALL OVER THE POST, unlike all the psychiatry related terms that were either not used or outright denounced as inappropriate in the given context.

I wish you all would like... Just talk to cripples? Make friends with some of us? Form meaningful bonds with some physically unwell bitches? You most likely know some but you either ghosted them (because they were "too much" or they freaked you out) or you don't recognize them as disabled, just as lazy or fragile.

But it's just, fucking insane and alarming how low you people's literacy is regarding physical disability.

[sayitaliano]

what’s the culture around disabilities and mental illnesses or disorders like in Italy? Like, socially is it acceptable or is it still taboo to talk about?

Let's say that the intentions are there, especially for physical disabilities, but we tend to hinder ourselves when it comes to put them into practice. The many architectural barriers we find around (eg. the lack in some train stations/public offices/sidewalks of working elevators and ramps) are a symbol to this, as the fact that many tend to not think about others' possible problems that much, unless you make them notice or it touches them in first person (not sure this is just our problem though).

Anyway... we lack the knowledge and understanding about mental issues, and often those suffering them are stigmatized or made neglecting their needs (it was/is uncommon, sadly, to hear people telling to someone suffering from depression, for example, to just get up and move on, cause "it's nothing/it will pass" or anything similar, as if it was laziness. We lack the knowledge that makes you go "Oh wait, maybe there's an hidden/mental/emotional important reason for this behaviour in that person, and it'd be good and right to help them find it out").

I think this partially originates from the fact that what were commonly called "manicomi" (or ospedali psichiatrici = psychiatric hospitals) in which people with different degrees of mental problems were cured or interned, were actually publicy/commonly seen as places for only crazy and dangerous people. In fact, especially many elders, cannot see (=don't really know there's) a difference between a psychiatrist, a psychologist or a therapist: generally if you need any of them, you are crazy (and even possibly dangerous) or you just have a not well-working mind and "it's scary". Again, this is because we lack the correct knowledge about mental issues and what they are about and how many different shades of them there are. And our Sanitary System doesn't help very much in this either (despite I think they were discussing a bonus for mental health not long ago? But it was just a random news, I have personally heard anything new on that).

Many schools and workplaces as well, do not even consider offering a psychological support for students and workers. You need to pay for it yourself (many renounce cause of the costs too ofc). Workers that give signs of huge distress are left at home (as far as I know, I might be wrong on this), not sure if all the companies or company's doctors may send you to a psychologist or something (again I'm not well aware of how things are now). As for schools... actually in my high school there was a small box in which to leave a letter for a psychologist but it didn't last much. I think either cause students feared being seen and judged while leaving their letter (so they rarely did that) or because it mostly felt like writing to Santa in wait for an help that we all doubted it could actually arrive (note: I'm old, so it probably was only one of the first tries ever). On the other hand, teachers and professors, even kindergarten ones that should help parents in discovering possible problems in kids, aren't formed well enough when it comes to deal with students' mental problems of every type. They have to rely on their empathy, but at times even those who may realize something tend to pretend they don't because they may fear overreactions (even abuse or more dangerous ones) from students: again something they're not prepared to deal with. One of my friends does service in a school (before/after). She followed a course on mental health but still she often messages me about not being really sure on how to deal with certain guys (and I'd say ofc, as everyone acts and reacts differently according on many different variables and those courses are not enough imo to prepare people for any type of situations... they just give you general rules, but general doesn't work for personal).

So in conclusion, there are basically no funds and even less preparation (and a little doctors/professional figures). I don't think it's taboo to talk about it, but it's just that... it's not a real problem, unless it's evident in the eyes of everyone, unless the person does somethinig "crazy" compared to society's norms (when it's indeed society the one making you develop problems in first place and stigmatizing you and isolating you -so yeah, many don't talk about it in fear of being judged as crazy and isolated maybe... so yeah in this sense it's a taboo especially for some people/in some areas, true-). And people that have mental issues are hardly helped, also cause doctors as well often do not have the correct support to do their job properly. After the pandemic I have notice people starting to talk about mental health much more often even on TV, trying to bring more awarness also about the different professional figures; I also noticed a bit more opennes in its regard, but it's again what I mentioned before: we're good or trying in theory, but when it comes to practice...

I'm leaving you a couple of articles. The first one (2020) is not for free, except for a couple of lines. The second (2019) is for free, and I think you can get the most of it despite the level of knowledge you have of Italian language (just ask if you want me to translate something)

[maryellencarter]

it is well past midnight here so i should probably not be Trusting Feelings About Things, but i was pondering why i get a major anxiety attack every time i consider commenting on a fanfic (even leia's solo fics), and i think it really boils down to the number of different fanfic interaction behaviors i've repeatedly seen viciously attacked on the tunglrs. even if a particular author explicitly tells me they'd love to get x or y type of comment/interaction, i can't seem to get past the "but it is Badwrong and makes me a toxic person" :P

like, a brief noncomprehensive list:

* "kudos without a comment means you actually hated the fic and didn't finish" -- ??? if i got to the bottom where the kudos button is, i have read what's above it and probably did not wander off looking for the brain bleach. i really can't comprehend this mindset. who goes around leaving kudos on fics they're backbuttoning out of unfinished? do i need to make a tumblr poll and find out i'm in the Incredible minority here?

* "commenting just an emoji is lazy and not a Real Comment and means you actually hated the fic and couldn't come up with anything nice to say"

* "keysmashes are offensive and babyish, Use Your Words"

* "a one-word or one-sentence comment means you're only commenting because you think you have to and you don't think the story is worth any more than that"

The only comment/interaction type I haven't seen multiple authors say they hate is the long essay comment with lots of quotes and excerpts saying exactly what I liked. And I don't have the fucking spoons to leave those on every fic, even if I had all the time in the world and it was remotely feasible on mobile.

So I don't comment.

I wouldn't be surprised if a lot of the other people who are targeted by the increasing number of "you have to comment, preferably on every chapter, or it's your fault authors stop writing" posts have the same... I'm going to call it trauma. It's fucking trauma. If you've been in fandom long enough, you've been in range of so many contradictory "all comments are good! except for Those Losers" posts that you're all too aware you may be upsetting your favorite author more by interacting Wrong than if you just read and lurk and never interact at all.

(I've literally seen people I respected complaining about how hurtful some logged-out interactions were that they didn't know were from me, because they interpreted my best low-spoons efforts as meaning I hated their work. I know we're all on the mental illness website here, but if you're going around rejecting anonymous attempts at positive interaction because you default to assuming they're insincere... well, you sure aren't encouraging people to talk to you logged-in.)

Maybe I will make a poll. Not in the middle of the night. But sometime.