#actually playing this. why didnt you just write this. its like if a choose your own adventure book said to go left turn to page 19. to go

[silverislander]

have discovered a new enemy while doing research for the honours essay. why are you pretending to understand psychology and BLATANTLY misinterpreting actual terms and concepts in order to tear down a movie aimed at teenage girls, my good bitch. i'm going to start biting

[yelloworangesoda]

maybe its bc my intro to the genre was hiveswap friendsim but i dont get the point of having options in visual novels if they do almost nothing or literally nothing. especially if almost nothing is one option adds 3 or 4 lines of dialogue and the other. just doesnt have those. what. why would i want to pick the other one

[abbysbug]

streamer!ellie x reader pt3

cw: zoophile joke, loser ellie, use of f slur, threats to touch someone, use of the word sigma (soz guys).

a/n; soz for making these so short guys :(( im struggling to write these cuz theyre not like normal fics but i love my streamer!ellie

pt1 pt2

• she loves singing to her chat whilst playing.

"meow meow meow meowww. meow meow meow meow meowww. meow meow meow meoww. meow meow meow meow meoww. meow meow meow meoww meoww." (sung in the tune of 'what was i made for').

@dogsniffer888 yo ellie who sings this

"bilie eilish."

@dogsniffer888 yeah...lets keep it that way :skull:

"wHAT THE FUCK! ban this weird dog-sniffing zoophile right now."

• she's started her 2 week minecraft phase with you and its been great. you've built the most beautiful houses, whilst she's been in the mines and has built a duck statue.

"i have a gift for you. come to the mine exit."

• you meet ellie at the mine exit and shes created a trap. you step on a pressure plate and fucking fall into lava.

"oh bitch."

• she's giggling like its the funniest thing shes ever seen.

"i had your flower in my inventory btw."

"WHAT, OH MY GOD NO! WHY WOULD YOU HAVE THAT."

"maybe dont fucking kill me in lava, dumbass."

• for your anniversary, you host a minecraft server and have a wedding.

• almost 2k people join and the server crashes multiple times. you're forced to choose 30 people to join the wedding which causes a riot in ellie's chat.

@happyfeetfart hope u f4ggots burn and die because i didnt get to be there for u wedding.

@rabbitgiraffemeow hey stfu happyfeetfart. i know where u live and u will be touched. spread them cheeks lil boy

"guys what the sigma..."

• this is the stuff ellie posts on twitter.

@carpetmuncherwilliams

"you make 12yr old boy posts, ellie."

"idgaf."

"did you for real just say the letters instead of the actual word."

"haters gonna hate."

"i need to take away your ipad privileges, jesus christ."

"kill yourself."

[itgomyway]

being present and living it to the fullest

as consciousness, the only existing thing is you. you are all that will ever actually exist and you are always existing right now. as you know, the concept of time like the past and future do not exist. the moment you are aware of something its yours.

so my advice to you is to be present in the real moment. stop thinking about the past that isnt actually the past. what you believe is the past is actually the present being played out again because its on your awareness right now. same goes for the future.

why waste your time with unreal forms of consciousness? why not just ground yourself and be present? “but my circumstances 😔-“ are not real and do not matter. you are interpreting them based on your own perceptions. stop giving them an unbearable context and change it.

these circumstances are inherently neutral and its up to you as the observer to decide the outcome. nothing happens until you decide. whether or not you want to consciously decide, it is still your choice. you are choosing to identify with these and repeat toxic patterns

you are choosing to fall victim to them by personifying them. these circumstances only have the hold on you you believe it has. you do not have to remain caught up in them. you don’t have to identify as them. you don’t have to deny youre aware of them (that isn’t how it works.) just change the story.

here comes terminology people in the loa community like using! the “old story” or the 3d they call it sometimes, is dead. its dead in the sense that it has no actual affect on the present moment unless you allow it. 9/10 a lot of you are allowing your old story to remain. i had been for awhile without even realizing it. living in the present but also looking forward to a future. and while manifestation was possible it was just a LOT harder. so heres what you do. anything you observe, before you react, accept it for what it is. a neutral circumstance. then write the story

that is all the human condition or “life” is. “you” reacting to your own perceptions. ill use the same example as last time: my bf left me on opened so i observed it. before i reacted (reactions arent limited to interactions with the physical world) i wrote the story hes busy and he didnt have time to respond. 5 mins later he messaged me back and responded repeating the story back to me. notice how i didnt really wait or take ages to change my self concept? i accepted my role as the observer and did just that in the present existing moment.

awareness is instantaneous. the moment youre aware of something is the moment it exist. and since the present moment is the only notch of “time” that exist, by being present and observing your surroundings are you not living the human condition without attachment?

theres no desire to manifest if youre in the moment. because its just there. the moment youre aware its there so what is there to desire? what is there to manifest? stop and be silent for a second. observe the present moment with your “new” story. take responsibility and be present

© itgomyway

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hey I was just wondering if you could do a tadc x reader who dies their hair very often? like every month or so they dye it a different color and no one knows what color it'll be next

TADC cast x reader who dyes their hair a lot!

UEUEUEUUEU hope this is okay! i must admit i was a little uwuwuawua on ideas for a lot of the characters </3 grr finding new songs to play on loop to get me into writing is hard; though currently antonymph by vylet pony is doing things to my brain

CAINE:

makes a huge deal of things whenever you dye your hair simply because he thinks what you do with yourself is cool; and since its the digital world you can get away with dying your hair as often as you want! cant damage what technically isnt real! probably makes hair color suggestions and is absolutely thrilled when you actually follow through within the coming days. prepare to have some weird combos, though... probably changes the color of his suit to match your hair... even adds stripes if your hair has stripes, or any other pattern dyed into it

POMNI:

honestly? more power to you, thats her reaction mostly. would pomni dye her own hair, or otherwise get anything to modify her appearance? probably not... but she thinks you look great with it... probably asks why you chose the current color you went with, as well as asking whenever you change. nothing like "oh WHY? why THAT color?" but like genuine non-rude curiosity... doesnt like outwardly betting or wondering what color youre going to pick outloud since she doesnt want you to think shes rude or something

RAGATHA:

has probably made multiple color variations of accessories she has made for you so you can wear anything without having the colors clash... thinks your hair is pretty, me thinks! doesnt matter what color it is, could literally be the unpleasant green-pink-brown color gradient meme and she would still find something nice to say about it... does sometimes wonder what color youre going to choose next... probably has a hush hush bet going on between her jax and zooble on what color youre going to choose next... huh what no jax didnt just get all moody because you walked in with aqua blue hair- no hes not passing something to ragatha, what are you talking about?

JAX:

as mentioned above he makes bets with some of the other circus members on what color youre going to rock next... if you ask him for any suggestions on what color you should change to next, dont expect any serious answers. even if he is being serious, jax doesnt strike me as the type to care much about colors and shades so hes probably going to drop the most basic colors. ..

"purple."

"what KIND of purple? light? dark? pastel? reddish or bluish?

"purple."

stuff like that, i think! probably fiddles with your hair, especially if you dye your tips a different color... jax fidget headcannon strikes again

KINGER:

on a bad day he might just not recognize you for a short moment... i originally said that as a joke but considering he sometimes forgets gangle is literally standing right next to him, i dont... think thats much of a joke... but after the initial confusion, i think he would really like whatever color you choose! likes playing with your hair, if you let him! he finds it soothing in its own way, and now he just has pretty colors to look at! cant explain why but i feel like he would be very good at identifying colors, so if you come in rocking some new color hes going to ask if its (insert specific shade of red that no one knows the name of. like. amaranth red.. or something..)

ZOOBLE:

honestly, they get it! i like to think that they swap out their pieces in order to fit whatever look or vibe they want for the day; aaaand i personally hc that in the real world they would dye their hair and get a bunch of piercings! though, they dont really remember much stuff from the real world, at least not clearly... but the point still stands, you guys probably get together to make a new look together! though, on days where they dont give any input on what hair color you choose next, theyre making bets with jax and ragatha... dont know why but i think zooble wins the most in the bets... shrugs

GANGLE:

oh she thinks its so pretty! has probably always loved things like that, since its a form of self expression! and she can kind of relate to that since shes an artist, albeit her medium is paper rather than her body... thinks... probably gives shy recommendations for colors if you ask her, is also bad at masking (lol) her surprise when you actually take her idea into consideration and follow through with it... makes her feel some type of way that someone cares enough about her ideas that they literally apply it to their appearance, you know?

[the-owl-tree]

its SO obvious that they wanted nightcloud to be some evil harpy so we’d feel bad for crowfeather and want him to be with leafpool (who he also mistreats because she had the audacity to choose her friends and family over him. crowfeather would have emotionally abused leafpool truther). crowfeathers trial feels like it wants nightcloud to also fess up to being bad. its so obvious when you read any author statements like from the field guides or websites

I'd say CT is pretty good towards Nightcloud (with my only non-issue criticism being that it does unintentionally and obviously not endorsed by the narrative sort of reaffirm the idea that it was her presence that was stopping them from bonding. obviously this is not the takeaway from the text, but eh, past decisions will always haunt the writing team). Breezepelt loving his mom sooooo so much makes me happy.

Po3 is really kind to her....because she's barely in it LMAO, she doesn't have much character outside of "Breezepelt's mom". She also doesn't really appear in OotS besides background appearances and that One Scene which people will unquestioningly cling onto, remove any context of, and not do any reflection on why they do that in the first place. Because when Nightcloud grabs Crowfeather (yes, she just grabs him), everyone is acting like a drama queen. Lionblaze and Breezepelt are FIGHTING and LEAFPOOL JUST PROFESSED HER LOVE TO CROWFEATHER AGAIN.

No mention of blood, she just fuckijng. grabbed him. if there was blood, we would have known it because breezepelt and lionblaze are beating the shit out of each other on the side lol

So even at her worst, she's still nowhere Crowfeather's level (seriously, if you can't think of the difference between hitting your kid for mouthing off vs. grabbing you partner during a brawl while his ex is going on about he loves her.....come the fuck on. this in no way puts these two on equal levels not at anon just a nebulous 'you'). Even then, this can be explained by everything that happened! That her aggression and unhappiness is from the whole reveal and the crumbling marriage. But this isn't a Nightcloud analysis, my point is that any and all of Nightcloud's actual behavior isn't nearly as focused on as Crowfeather's by the narrative and I don't think Po3 or OotS was trying to convince you otherwise, however, I do think Nightcloud being written more aggressive and "clingy" should be taken into account that the finale of this trio's arc is Crowfeather putting the blame on his wife and then subsequent field guides painting him as correct. The main arc books are fine, you can glean why Nightcloud behaves the way she does but the field guides paint her as a whole other character that we DID NOT SEE!!!! Po3 had plenty of opportunities to show this but they didnt, and instead the field guides invested themselves on a narrative that DID NOT HAPPEN.

The books have a trend of abuse apologia for their father characters, and I think that should be remembered when discussing how the authors and the books chose to handle these three. I know the field guides aren't considered heavy canon, but they're well worth considering to better understand how the writing team understands these characters and "the blame".

Also god yeah, the way Crowfeather treats Leafpool whenever she stopped playing into his fantasy...gross. Very glad more people know he said that shit about "mixed blood" JUST to hurt her, definitely not any red flags here!

[ranposgirlboss]

~bsd comfort hcs~

this came about while i was cleaning dishes and scanning my check in from work LMAOAKSIUJSAHb (this is pretty much just a more elaborate ver of my other one)

can also be seen as romantic or platonic!!

charas: sigma, ranpo, poe, chuuya, and nikolai

genre: FLUFF!!!!!!! some mild hurt comfort <3

I ALSO STARTED THIS AFTER WORK SO IT MIGHT KINDA SUCK SINCE IM SO TIRED OMFG 😭 IM SORRY IF IT DOES ILL GIVE U A KISS IN RETURN

(it slowly goes more and more downhill)

LESSGOOO ₍₍ ◝(　^∀ ^ )◟ ⁾⁾

---------------------------------------

SIGMA

-SIGMAA (my crush on this man grows bigger by the day), so as i mentioned last time he would know when there's something wrong pretty quickly!!

-sigma would probably play a game of cards with you to distract you for a bit tbh (he will hesitantly agree to play uno AJHNMAKBHJS HIM PKAYING UNO WOULD BE SO FUNNY but anyways.)

-may or may not try to lose on purpose in an attempt to make you happier

-seems like a speed typa guy (that card game is so fun its the best one)

-after a bit and once youve calmed down, he'll ask what happened to you

-if you to choose to explain, he would probably gossip about it with you, or tell you its ok and you're doing great <33

-if you choose not to, he totally understands! he'll just keep on playing the card game with you, or yall could go do something else!!

-VERY GOOD COMFORT!!

RANPO

-lets all be honest with ourselves

-he isnt the BEST at comfort

-however, that doesnt necessarily mean that hes BAD at it

-he will take a bit to notice, as he is pretty absorbed in cases, eating snacks, and being a dense genius that cant tell peoples emotions that well!!

-but, you can always ask him to distract you for a bit if your emotions are very big

-hes very good at distracting you

-probably will say "stop staying cooped up inside!! >:(" and just grab you and take you to some bakery to eat sweets with him, to play video games with you!!

-since he gets that youre not in the best mood, hell try his best not to steal your food. keyword: best.

-playing games with ranpo is so fun don't even

-he probably wouldnt be the best at responding well if you ranted to him, would probably say that he's sorry but that's kinda the best he can do

-if you dont wanna talk about it, perfect!! ranpo is internally scared you might lash out at him due to his lack of actual response ಥ‿ಥ

-pretty good at comfort, mostly just turns to yall hanging out tho!!

POE

-im never gonna stop writing for him be prepared to see him in every hcs <33

-at first he wouldnt know what to do

-i mean, hes barely even had any FRIENDS to comfort.....sooooooooooooooo

-his version of comfort is like buying a mansion if you feel sad

-i mean thats somehow the ONLY conclusion

-"you dont feel sad anymore right y/n ( ꈍᴗꈍ)"

-I MEAN YOU CANT FEEL SAD WHEN YOURE SUPER SHOCKED SO IT KIND OF WORKS JUST....NOT THE WAY YOU EXPECTED

NIKOLAI

-THE SILLY.

-HE IS THE PRIME JOKESTER. HE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.

-he just doesnt wanna see you sad, BUT HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO ACTUALLY COMFORT PEOPLE

-so, he will make you laugh. to distract you from the problem.

-he very well knows that this wont help in the long run, but i mean, what is he gonna do?? learn how to ACTUALLY comfort you?? why would he do that when he can be silly instead????? (same)

-if you didnt laugh at his jokes, well, then he'll shock you out of sadness.

-will literally fucking teleport your whole body some place random. (use his silly ability, idfk what its called 😭)

-like im not fucking joking

-so laugh for your own sake

-OR YOURE GOING TO THE VOID!!!

CHUUYA

-i eat my manga chuuya'os everyday (get it??? because cheerios and chuuya, so if you combine the names you get chuuyios/chuuya'os. laugh.)

-hot take, I THINK HE WOULD BE REALLY GOOD AT COMFORT

-LIKE NO CAP

-he would probably just bluntly ask you what was wrong, and if you don't want to explain, that's alright.

-im not gonna shut up about him taking you on motorcycle rides.

-i never WILL >:(

[noobsomeexagerjunk]

pentiment review & thoughts

so. i played pentiment. writing this while at my 4th play (with my first and third as same stats, different accusations). bookworm, hedonist, bookworm again, and now businessman. having a lot of fun so far.

was prompted bc 1) this game is a common rec for disco elysium players, 2) i got andreas maler in a blorbo uquiz, so of course i had to see what the fuss was about

spoilers, obviously:

prefacing first that. uh, i got into this game with relatively surface-level understanding of the late middle ages/early renaissance, and like very little of how this impacted germany. god bless the glossary. the only thing really guiding me was being catholic + my familiarity with benedictines (the people who ran the all-girls catholic school i studied in) so uh

given that, my 1st andreas had his wanderjahre in Italy, is a bookworm with skills towards Oratory and Logic, possessing a Master's in Theology. this will be about the first play

act i

what an introduction. i played off my andreas as an intellectual with a love for God but also a concern for people regardless of class, and i just went around being as respectful as possible. emphasis on "as possible," bc i can refuse to be a Lutheran and still criticize the abbey actually <- pissed off both gernot and rothvogel

the DRUCKERS! my best friends :)

spent much of my dinners with the farmer-peasants. had a meal with sebhat as well. tassing is so alive!!!

the implication that andreas fell asleep if you choose to watch matthieu and rüdeger go at it is very funny to me. monk sex is boring ig. also sorry zdena, im too worried about piero to fuck you right now

why did i think the baron was just an intellectual outcast. of course he's an asshole who abuses his power

THE KIDS! THEY ARE SO LOVELY!

none of these suspects feel like the murderers. tbh i probably should've settled on lucky bc he had the most damning evidence in retrospect. but ferenc just had more, and i was able to push him to the archdeacon

i am a coward and did not look at the execution

act ii

this Andreas just came from France!

"you are banned from the abbey, but i need you to come join me for dinner" okay father gernot???

the golden hand inn looks sooo pretty. surprised i could only make conversation with samuel until the troops were like, really close/the drinking quest

things got worse, a revolt is in formation. this was apparently a trend all over germany at the time, and not limited to tassing. weirdly familiar huh

when you want to escape from your problems via involving yourself from the problems others instead

caspar my boy! im glad to have known you

the Sommerfelds are so lovely

these aqueducts are so cool

it was so much easier to pick Guy, as far as the evidence i got on him is concerned. your embezzlement had an effect on the abbey's management of tassing, which is now biting all of you in the ass

i knew Lenhardt was an ass but i didnt think he'd go as far as to protect the accused

that ending holy shit

act iii

haha i opened tumblr before getting here and got spoiled about the mysterious guy following magdalene

my magdalene bg is Vitae Sanctorum, Bookkeeping, Haggle, & Volksbücher

Ötz you are adorable but you do not suit Magda at all

it does not help that the town ships the two

every single theme is coming together. the question... of history!

the letter writing being so prominent here is very felt

the familiar and unfamiliar are so clouded as time progresses, its insane

apparently ill peter can live *that* long

i learned the hard way after my first run that werner will be an outright asshole in act iii if andreas doesnt speak with him well via my second run; see, my major and only interaction with the guy in run 1 is during the drinks quest in act ii. the difference is stark

martha pfieffer i wish i got more time with you <- got her contemplating the monastic life in the 1st run only? i wonder what triggers this

fucked up that i couldnt send sister susanne out. i think i played my magda too nice with the nuns

snitched on the twins immediately whoops. this is fine, i can go down the mines myself

haha i thought baltas was an act iii-only character, i straight up didnt interact with him during act ii and probably forgot he spoke during the discovery of otto's body

the readying for christmas was sooo brain-sctatchy. seeing the direct effects of our choices in the previous acts, it's so!!!

gotta be real, i thought the discussions on historiography and historical revisionism were like, just there? i didn't think it would be the core of the problem but. of course it is. it makes me feel very stupid for not pointing at father thomas sooner

like, if you spend significant amounts of time with the guy enough, his distrust of collective lay men and assertion towards the authority of the church is like, very very obvious. you see it during the dinner with the baron. when he says the words that triggers peter into burning the abbey. when you talk about claus publishing the 12 articles and agreeing upon the suggestion of banning book reading. the story of how he and sister amalie escaped the fire from their old abbey. in my 3rd run, i got strong hints when i (andreas) decided to eat with the albans (fr. thomas is present in the meal), particularly when discussing the strictness of the abbot

also, notably, in my 3rd run, during the conversation with father thomas for the christian tassing quest, a Vitae Sanctorum Magdalene can ask about the veracity of the story regarding the marian apparition, our lady of the labyrinth. when father thomas asks why she's pondering on it, if Magda is also of Volksbücher bg, she can bring up comparisons to a story she read about a man who tricked a town into believing a head he possessed was a relic from a saint. Father Thomas will then outright ask whether Magdalene thinks that it is valid of the guy to lie about that. Whatever you make Magda respond, he clearly values it. that fucked me up upon discovery, especially since i chose not to question the story of the church in my first run. that's outright foreshadowing, especially since that conversation literally takes place inside said church

anyways, i considered for a moment as to how conscious Sister Amalie was about the notes she wrote. to my fury (against thomas) and relief (for her), she was very unaware. fucking hell, i love christian mystics, and i outright ignored the implications of father thomas as her interpreter

like, i knew such interpreters would twist the testimonies of mystics to assert the church's authority, but. i assumed that this, like the obvious real-time historical revisionism in-game, was just shit that happens. not the core. another blow to my observation skills, but what matters to me is that i figured it out eventually

i had an inkling claus would die but not like that D":

like. magda on christmas eve. dad's friend is back from the dead. the town priest has been responsible for the deaths of people who risked the secrets of the town. dad is dead. idk if the devs over there are interested in spin-offs, but the time between christmas 1543 and when magda leaves for prague should be known

the müller kids really take after their parents, and seeing them interact with old man maler really warmed my heart

ugh, what a lovely game. it deserves its praises

[gold-rhine]

Out of curiosity, how would you go about writing a neuvi/furina fic? I agree that there is a lot of potential for really good fics but for some reason the fandom waters it down (pun not intended but cyno would be proud). However, I've noticed that with other ships in the fandom too. They have interesting potential but then I'll look for good food and get morsels 😭 of what I'm looking for. Like I have had to comb through some alhaitham/kaveh fics that were uh very different from canon characterization. And it's like I JUST WANT GOOD FOOD PLS.

hmm. i personally would be really interested not in shipping them, but in like. snippets of interactions throughout the ages, from establishing roles to settling in a routine to then how these respective roles are getting in a way of genuine contact. bc like there are points where they try to reach out, but it fails in a mundanely tragic way. like. in furina's note, she says she told him thousand times to go out and interact with "our" ppl. like she clearly was well intentioned and tried to be nice. but like. it didnt work! he never did go out and interact with humans until post AQ, when in lantern rite he says he was just indifferent before. bc like, from his perspective its not "his" people, and also its his boss, whose also his colonizer, being like "haha you should get out more lol!" ofc he was like "idk what she's even thinking about", which is what he says about her note. but furina both didn't know the vishap context and was kept in constraints of self-absorbed goddess role, so the way she tried to be nice would never work like that.

i think ppl focus too much on how furina suffered more than jesus and forget why, which is bc she had to play the role of an entitled asshole and she had to interact with others thru that role, despite being mortified at how horrible she sounds. this is why she now thinks he hates her and all her coworkers too. she never had luxury of being kind or nice to ppl before, and if you take that away, her character loses a lot of complexity.

i think itd be interesting to explore her trying to be good to ppl while trapped in an asshole attitude, and sadly fail.

if i was paid like 100 bucks to write them romantically, i think id write the retrospective i was talking before for early chapters, but then take one of two options:

either keep canon story and explore them interacting thru excrutiating awkwardness post AQ

or as more interesting option, id re-write AQ a bit to add their interactions and let some of these interactions actually connect. i'd also let furina find out the truth about sovereign and what it means in relation to archons stealing his power. also, i'd restructure canon confrontation so that neuvi takes focal point instead of traveler. and then i'd go ham with drama on that archon trial, but also re-do meeting with focalors bc gurl. talk to your humansona pls.

btw i strongly dislike fandom being like oh, furina\rizzley was the reason neuvi saved humanity, like nooo its missing entire point. he saved humans without any selfish reason to do so, in fact, against his motivation for revenge, making that decision about a single human ruins neuvi's character. so in this furina\neuvi case i'd make conflict like. they don't know if she's gonna survive is focalors dies, bc then choosing to save fontain becomes the-nonselfish choice for him again and she gets to be the one with agency to decide to risk it

[garyroachsanderson]

Will never not get over the bestfriend hcs pls bless us with more🛐 Also love your writing!!

hi thank you!! here’s more

141 - best friend hcs

(requested)

GHOST:

long periods of silence where neither of you say anything, but its comfortable. you’re both doing completely different things but it qualifies as hanging out

if you have a personality similar to him: you didn’t approach him at first, you both kind of orbited around each other. he eventually just started hanging out more, being closer to you in battle, until you both decided to hang around each other. you have his back, he has yours.

if you dont: you probably approached him at first. his personality off out you, but you continued your kindness until he saved you during a mission. from that point on, you became inseparable. he has a soft spot for you and you only.

soap probably tried to befriend you at some point, to which ghost scared him off. its not that he’s obsessive or anything, he just wants soap to piss off and find his own friend, because he knows if you were friends with him he’d get you mindlessly injured at some point.

you passed out during a mission after being shot, and it was the only time the team had ever seen ghost cry. you were fine of course—he just thought you were dead because he didn’t know if you could take a bullet.

awful jokes. terrible jokes, even.

one day, you decided to retaliate.

“ay, l.t.?”

“what?”

“what do you call a soldier who shits himself often?”

“…”

“a LOOtenant.”

“go right to hell.”

SOAP:

blood brothers (siblings?). there has definitely been a point where you shook hands and shared blood

you’re the one who gave him his haircut. he trusted you with a razor, and you buzzed it into a terrible mohawk. he thinks it suits him, and tried playing it off by saying he loves it. now, he chooses to cut it like that

many “why are you buying clothes at the soup store” incidents

as the only one who can understand his accent, you often have to translate for him. though, if you have an accent, it has the same effect as putting two phones with ‘talking tom’ installed on them next to each other.

“i dare you to shout that over comms”

“you always fucking win at uno” (he doesnt know how to play and gets angry)

you unintentionally learned scottish

he definitely wanted to be bffs the second he saw you. he simply thinks you are cool

PRICE:

you are a literal teachers pet

you consistently stand up for him when the conversation turns

def a niece/nephew and crazy uncle type relationship. “(reader) gets to hold the guns because i said so”

you two play so many card games you dream of aces and spades

“and why does (reader) get shotgun? i called it first”

“because they’re better than all of you combined”

terrible old man jokes but kind of funny. you know a lot of like 1960s lingo

if you were to ever be injured it would definitely be a NO NO NO SOAP NO NO NO moment

the reason hes taken such a shining to you is because he thought you were stupid when you joined the ranks. when you saved his ass from SEVERAL attacks, his opinion changed.

ROACH:

:)

rock, paper scissors is your favorite game to play together. he cant often beat you, and spends a lot of time trying to get better, which is why when he hits his head he plays rock paper scissors with himself

you helped him instead of crack jokes when he was a newbie, which is why you’re each other’s favorite. he reminded you of yourself when you were younger

alternatively, you were the newbie after roach. he didnt want you to feel the same shame that he did when he joined, so he protected you from the higher-ups jokes, and you never drifted apart

you’re the only one hes ever actually gotten to tell he was transgender. price saw it in his file, and wanted to name him ‘cockroach’.. but he didnt have one. hes kept it a secret from everyone else, though.

on the day of shepherds betrayal, it was you in ghosts shoes. you actually managed to get a bullet in shepherds heart, but he got you as well. you managed to drag him away into the treeline, and you somehow managed to fucking live.

once again, same room! price thought it was only fair.

he has a sewn on patch of whatever your callname is, and you have a sewn on patch of a roach on your shoulder.

[the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see]

drop the lore for your song !

(insert "sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it" cake here. sorry i put this in drafts and immediately forgot about it!!!)

okay so first i guess we should probably drop the lyrics, theyre on bandlab but also who give a shit. here you go:

-and you sit there like youre some starry-eyed god

asking for sacrifice, knowing what i lost

and what can i do but follow you?

i made you my temple, just follow through

and your honor, you sit and stare as i stand witness

to this man burning everything i love down with this building

and from the ashes his eyelash comes falling, i make a wish

it wont ever come true but ill make him pray it did

and god, my god i would follow you to death

you know this so you hold a blunt knife to my neck

i am more than just your satisfactions and regrets

but you are less than i thought, you are less and you're not even worth it

i am breathing just a little and calling it a life

you are walking in the wild with a mass market knife

and it feels so juvenile to talk it all through

we are teenagers at battle, we are always coming true

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW YOU COULD NOT HAVE SAVED ME?

AND DO YOU BELIEVE IN EVERYTHING YOU SEE ON THE NEWS

CAUSE YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT ALL KIDS DO IS LOSE EVENTUALLY.

I HATE THAT YOU COULDNT SAVE ME.

that must mean im stronger.

you said you would protect me.

but im like ocean water.

and youre like twenty three!

so i choose now between honesty and dignity

and i cannot worship a god i cant believe

yeah i tore my palms down your altar

for war, blood must taste sweet

i dont know what to do to make you believe that im insane

you made me, made me you, made me who i am

no you didnt make me, i made me, you were just a tool

ill say anything so ill sleep the whole night through

first piece of lore: i did in fact write this in tumblr drafts. people tend to not believe me when i tell them but notes app is far too open. tumblr drafts is for the arteries. also the sense of danger from my drafts being cleared or my account being deleted (which happened) keeps me on my toes.

second piece of lore: this is less of a song and more of a conglomeration of words i thought go together good. i didnt really have a plan for this as i was writing it, it sort of formed the image and story it has as i wrote and only when i was "done" (the song isnt complete but im done writing it for now) did i have it completely. my sister said the phrase "starry-eyed god" and i ran from there! i was kind of toying with the idea of being hurt by someone who doesnt really believe they are harming you, and sort of falling across that line all the time of are they really innocent or are they playing innocent.

i also liked the idea of being so in love with someone that you'd worship them, not understanding that that isnt love, its obsession. lots of misunderstandings and insanity in this bad boy.

this is also definitely the ending half of the song. in my recording the end is a little fucked because, third piece of lore, i accidentally slammed my hand on the table out of passion and spent the rest of the song trying not to cry in pain. why did i push through, you may ask. why didnt i just stop and rerecord in a minute. well im something of an artiste (idiot)

that bit on "what can i do but follow you/i made you my temple just follow through" where im high and singing almost reverently is what i want more of the beginning to sound like. for this section we have more of those divine chorus vibes peeking through every once in a while, so the beginning will have this almost spoken desperate vibe peeking through, but majority of that high angel voice for most of it.

okay this is already long so im gonna stop here with general lore -- if you want me to go through the lyrics as well and talk about that, i am more than happy to!! lyrics are my favorite parts of a song, especially writing-wise, so i would love that actually. some of the lyrics in this are inspired by poetry so its pretty fun to look back and see.

thank you for asking!! i love you sm <33

[horrorknife]

why do you like jake so much?

because i love it when characters are difficult and complicated and their characterization escapes the vast majority of a fanbase. there is SO MUCH to jakes character and a lot of it gets misconstrued/misunderstood or straight up just blown past. also jake has a lot of "required reading" as i like to call it irt movies, many of the movies and medias he enjoys can be looped back around into the reader's understanding of him; big examples here are princess bride (which i actually havent seen yet but i Understand how it impacts him), avatar, and i would say even his interest in comics! Everything is Something with jake.

if were gonna use avatar for example. You might think Oh jonah. This is just his silly joke interest! which yeah thats true but it absolutely can be both and i choose to interpret it as such. but if youve seen avatar then youve seen the way neytiri and jakes relationship operates. Its literally dirkjake in a different font you guys. an important sentiment i always come back to with avatar is "i see you". jake wants to be Seen and Understood and Known but he is also very scared of being Seen and Understood and Known because he is, more than anything, a Faker. he hides the truth and even squirrels it away from himself and this is the thing that causes a lot of his internal strife and etc. in avatar jake sully at the end of the movie makes the choice to become a na'vi and be with neytiri. he literally changes himself to be with her (and ironically turns himself into a Blue Guy to be with the Blue Girl) and i think this is probably a really easy and quick way to explain the Jake Camouflage. jake Pretends and Fakes because he wants people to like him. he is desperate for validation and approval from other people to the point where it wears heavily on his wellbeing. this is one of my favorite things to play around with.

jakes relationship with gender and sexuality is also a really heavy hitter for me, i love gender and exploring gender and talking about gender because it is the Core of me as a Person. i <3 being nonbinary i will never shut up about it. Anyway. the way jake haphazardly traipses through all of his interactions with women he is "supposed to" be attracted to just screams closeted gay guy to me. like. Check this out.

here jake is having an argument with 'himself' (bgd) about his attraction to aranea and how hes having intrusive sexual thoughts about her but "theyre just thoughts they dont mean anything im not trying to have them!" comes off to me like "Please Someone Fucking Save Me From Forcing Myself To Like Girls To Fill The Part Of A Macho Man Which I Know I Am Not". jakes relationship with jane is a fucking disaster because theyre both trying to appeal to a cishetnormative read of themselves (and for jane she pastes that onto both of them) and play the part of their agabs (tmasc nonbinary butch lesbian jane and tfem nonbinary gay jake household sorry if you came here for something different) while failing spectacularly.

when it comes to gender jake really enjoys his extremes--he loves peak masculinity and he loves peak femininity but he HATES the idea of being a man (his own words!) cue: the excerpt everyone sources.

i have a Lot that i could say about this exchange but this is already a really long post so im gonna try and wrap shit up here.

i could honestly talk about this All Day and write several thousand words about jake alone (notice how i didnt touch on dirkjake at all here. Yeah thats because it would be the worlds longest post ever if i did. We can save that for a rainy day LOL) but for your own sanity anon i will abstain. Um yeah but this is just a quick snippet of my Thoughts. i have a lot more and i definitely left a lot of things out here but im always happy to infodump like this if i get prompted :-)

[chaosmushroomsushi]

I hate myself

someone help lol

I wish I could stop doing this shit to myself

I know this sounds more human than most my posts

maybe I should do this more often

just speak to the void like I'd speak to myself

I do think in the poetic lines I write

but it's not every thought

obviously

no one thinks purely in poetry

and my god dude. I am so fucking lonely

and I'm so tired of my trauma

and my chronic pain, can my bones just fucking stop?

I need a break

I need to be loved

unrequited love is the worst

dont ask why this is more tagged than normal when out of everything this is one of the last things I'd want to actually be seen a lot

I'm just talking because I have no one else to talk to

I have two friends I really talk to

and one I've been in love with since I was fucking 12

typing while dyslexic sucks. I've broken auto correct some

I wish I had a partner

but even if I did it wouldn't matter

I'd still torture myself endlessly

because I've never been good enough and I never will be

no one will ever actually choose me

no matter what I do or how hard I try

I will never be what someone wants

or if I am it's just using me until I'm no longer useful

I hate that this might be my most relatable post

and at the same time appreciate that the realness is what will make it that

but I hate we're all so traumatized that we feel people are incapable of loving us

I hate that others understand

but dude seriously how do you learn that you are capable of being loved

that you're actually not worthless and your only point is being used by people for so many different reasons

my content is so fucking inconsistent

is this what it feels like to unmask? even a little?

I feel like it should involve less joint pain lmfao

all I'm doing is laying in bed cuddling a frog stuffed animal with anime playing in the background typing out a shitty post on tumblr

just writing out my thoughts

I miss being held

I say that but I've never actually been held

I've never had someone to lay with and cuddle

I have to slow down my typing so tumblr doesnt lag which is stupid

stupid adhd

the mlm flag is so fucking pretty

I'm supposed to be asleep

I changed what anime was on so I didnt miss stuff so I could sleep

I need so much help

I have so much I need to talk to my therapist about already, it's been two days since my last session

how do I have more in 2 days than in the 2 weeks we couldn't meet

I mean its good but also what the fuck?

I miss him

I miss affection

fuck

I just

need to be held and loved

I hate life

if you read all this

why what mental illness do you have

dont forget food water and meds

any food counts even if you dont keep it down, protein shakes also count for either food or water but you can only choose one

ur still alive and that counts ❤ you did good kid

[mister-misogynybot]

Ive been playing COD since day 1. (yes im old) so it is painful to walk away now. i uninstalled the game today. no your kd wont go up..i sucked.

After what happened to Nick Mercs, i can't continue to support the game. Now that we all know ACTIVISION is part of an agenda that validates child mental and sexual abuse, how can i bring their product into my house?

If you believe children shouldnt be taught about or deal with social pressure over their biological gender, then you shouldnt play COD. not until they apologize at minimum to Nick Mercs and write a retraction. im not holding my breath. im just going back to PUB G. its just as much fun for me. i know its not nearly as polished as COD but i dont care. and yea i know COD isnt sweating the fact that i uninstalled, doesnt matter. im hoping theres another bud lite level boycott but i dont think so. the gamer demographic is probably 75% Gen-Zers and 10% Gen-Alpha's..i dont think they care. but their parents might.

if you disagree with this of course thats ok. but maybe you dont see whats happening to kids, you probably are a kid. if you are, COD just told you that your health and your life have less value than the feelings of a group of people (LGBTQCFP)

Think about it, all he did was voice his opinion ..but his opinion hurt their feelings. what was his opinion? glad you asked! "leave the little children alone, thats the issue" thats it...thats the opinion he shared and got canceled. If his tweet was a lie that could hurt people then sure punish him, if thats your thing. But he didnt lie, or push anti gay propaganda.. he referred to actual documented abuse happening everywhere. We live in a sick country.

There was a kerfuffle over the alleged plan of the LGBTQ community to include pedophiles in the group and add the letter P at the end of the LGBTQ acronym. That is false, it was a troll or a psyop meant to de-legitamize the lgbtq community. So they are on alert for people who try to correlate pedos and lgbtq. Thats why when someone like Nick Mercs says "leave the children alone" they lose their shit and immediately call it "debunked rhetoric, or anti-gay propaganda. The problem is very few think that lgbqt are child predators (at least i dont) but they are something just as bad or maybe worse.

first, todays gay community is coercing, applying social pressure and facilitating gender denying (its not gender affirming, but what a lovely distortion..nice try) care to children. they tell them they can choose to be a boy or girl, have a gender reveal party yayyy! even if the child can look down and see their genitals. Mommy why am i having a party? i can see my wee wee, im a boy...right?" His mom, horrified that everthing is falling apart answers "Now Now dear, dont jump to conclusions, all the invitations have been sent, you have until the weekend to decide if you want to keep your disgusting penis...and heaven forbid, live your entire life as a straight white man. And honey? when you refer to you your penis, say my "filthy meat"...dont say wee wee, that implies you take pride in it. ugh, that kind of toxic masculinity reminds me of Donald Trump. you dont want to be ANYTHING like him ok sweetie? Hes super rich, has a gorgeous wife, beautiful family and he's a former US president.. ugh! he's bad, orange man bad!"

"um mom? he sounds awesome" mom replies "youre not my son!!! Topple the patriarchy!!"

"mom, are you ok?

telling a kid with a penis hes not a boy, hes neither gender or both...is confusing and downright insane. and if the child chooses to be the opposite sex theyre immediately put on the path to denying their gender and they made their psycho left wing parents very happy. how often do the "gender affirmimg pediatricians" recommend therapy before the child is treated? id love to know, if its not 100% of the time then we have an issue. which reminds me, if we catch a doc who mutilates children without requiring a year of therapy as the first stage of treatment, they should bury him under the jail.

Second they are pushing sexually explicit and adult themed materials in grade schools all over the country to children who might not be fully potty trained yet. yea its sick

if youre part of the lgbtq community and youre angry about my "hateful rhetoric" then youre part of the problem. if you think its wrong to pressure children into changing their gender and/ or showing them how to suck dick in 1st or 2nd grade, then speak out against the people in your community that do. POLICE yourselves. If i met ONE person from that community who opposed some of the things going on, i'd have hope that we could come to an agreement and peacefully cohabitate. but as long as lgbqt takes the position that they do no wrong, do no harm, make no mistakes..ever...(and if you suggest anything negative about them, theyll have you canceled, punch you in the face or scream like a lunatic.) then ill be on the right calling them pedos. lastly, im in my 40's and i was never interested in politics in my life...not until i met a woke leftist.

my god, this is an epic rant. sorry about that. thanks for skimming.

[rqlaji2]

Hey I know ive been dead but I went to 2 more they might be giants shows

15th i went to first avenue the first time. I havent even seen purple rain. I went on a walk every other day for the past month but it was surprisingly (sarcasm) not enough to prepare me for standing up for two hours straight. I saw the first first ave show was apollo 18 and while narrow your eyes is the best song ever and the guitar wouldve been astronomically fun i thought about it and if I actually got to choose which two i saw it wouldve been these. Now that I write that though my flood show was about a quarter mink car. But did your flood show have wicked little critta. No.

And so im up on the balcony i am directly outside the owners box, I have to get out of the way a fair amount which maybe helped a little with the pain that comes from standing in one place for two hours. But im wondering which one will be the comfortable show and they come out and i don’t even cry or anything like the first time im just like hey its those guys i know. Im a little far away and i need an eye exam yesterday though so maybe thats why. Anyway they come out and they play subliminal and im like AHHH cause its the best song ever. Actually im with a guy I do like a lot and I havent gone to too many shows, but I am so shy at the beginning a lot of the time..so maybe not AHHH but okayyy!!! And inside im like AHHH yknow? I wish snail shell was later in the set/i was less really fucking shy because I dont remember going crazy for it and I shouldve. SNAIL SHEEELLLLL. I listened to the venue song like two days before, it is so funny and great. More like mid james ensor. Its ok though cause it segues into the famous polka which is the best song ever. HEY! Im legitimately getting chills thinking about the famous polka, its so good. I always love slightly country tmbg and i have all of one single out of jail scrobble i didnt even recognize it 😭 in my fake fan era. Ah this was my first mesopotamians, so classic. More else pleaseee. Oh god spider was so good, so much more cacophonous than the recorded one. First flans doing a silly voice moment i can remember seeing, i love it when they do silly voices. Dirt bike might be my favorite tmbg song ever. You may have already noticed a theme with this post where i call every song the best song ever but I am not joking here, it might just be my favorite ever. I clap for all but I never cheer for the horns, and I wonder if that makes me a bad person, especially when dirt bike without horns would be shit. That intro is sooo perfect . A self called nowhere kicks total ass. Spy literally gets better every time I see it oml, I could not stop laughing at the back in black bit. SPY x16. The end of the tour is the best song ever, just so so lovely.

Man its so loud in here is really another contender for genuine serious most favorite tmbg song, I love it so so so so so much. Theyve played it at all my shows except the bowl, it wouldve been too powerful. I am so grateful for all the actual shows having it though, actual best song ever even if they play it a little different! Please compare my all time top played song man its so loud in here with all time 1 scrobble out of jail. (I really do not dislike out of jail, I dont know why I havent listened to it. I dont remember how it goes. John henry is my second favorite tmbg album. I dont know whats wrong with me.) When will you die just makes me think about how nothing will ever top the hollywood bowl when will you die, what a surprise and also great song. Doing the working undercover for the man sha la las in a crowd is so fucking cool!!! OH IVE HEARD ALL OF FINGERTIPS LIVE TWICE NOW, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW WHOVE HEARD FINGERTIPS LIVE NOT ONCE BUT TWICE. I have to mention cloisonne, idk what to say about it but I heard cloisonne live, lmfao <3. Where your eyes dont go is so spooky and awesome. Brontosaurus is so great. Doctor worm is the best song ever. Letterbox is the best song ever. Last song of the night was no one knows my plan and they did not even make us conga. You may be thinking, no particle man? No istanbul? Well this ran long so im making a part 2 LOL

Also during the course of this show I sweated fucking tons, I was like legally an ocean. Anyways

[foxoftheninetails]

Okay.

I dont really want to post depressing shit anymore. Every interaction from it feels forced, and its just a strain for me.

But I need to vent. I need to pretend that people read the words and care. I need to pretend that this is a safe place to word vomit without judgement. If I dont, I'm going to have to make an anonymous alt.

So if thats not your thing, just go. I'm not saying it to be hurtful, I'm saying it to spare you the frustration. I'm hard for me to deal with, frankly I dont understand why anyone who has a choice chooses to deal with me.

Kenna calls it white knight syndrome. Sometimes it feels like I'm playing the martyr. I want to help people, I want them to be happy. Even at my own expense. Maybe if I make enough people happy, I can be happy. I will give my everything to my friends, and I will do it happily. And I will never take from you. Be it your time or your care. Because I am fragile. And I have been rejected too many times.

I have had people tell me I am too whiney, too needy, too much. People I had considered a friend for years. I have had people invite me along to events, again thinking they were my friend, only to doscover after the fact that I was invited because they felt obligated.

I was the kid no one wanted at their birthday party. I was the teenager surrounded by people at school, but my entire personality was surface and I would go home and be alone for hours and days. I was the young adult who never develops friendships because I had been so cold for so long, it was easier for me to pretend I didnt care about other peoples lives. I am the mid 30s stunted adult who is so desperate for friendship, companionship, an actual best friend who will come to me and I can go to them, that I overcompensate and put more stock into friendships than I should.

I have this. To a degree. Its hard at this stage of our lives, given we have significant others, to rely on someone who isnt your partner. It doesnt help that I spent so many years hungry for friendship outside of romance (pretty sure I'm at least a little aro) that I'm trying to speed run it. I know these things take time.

This is my rant, deal with the inconsistencies.

I didnt have a final summary point. I didnt have a plan for where this is going. I am simply writing what my heart says.

I love my friends, they mean more to me than anything. I would do anything for them, and I dont think they believe me. Fuck around and find out. I will continue to sacrifice everything about myself to support you, to boost you, to make your life better. But once in a while, push a little harder to remind me you care about me. Because lately, I feel like I'm losing everyone who is most important to me. I dont think I can handle that again.