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traumatizedjaguar · 10 months ago

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MASTER-POST: Psychological Abuse Terminology

Parentification: A form of role reversal, in which a child is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the family’s other children. There is emotional parentification and instrumental parentification.

Intrude and Interrupt or Enmeshment: The manipulator has no respect for another person's boundaries, they will say and do whatever they please in front of, behind the back of, or towards their victims, regardless of objections or morals. If done covertly the victim will have no idea what damage has been done until it’s too late. The goal is to cut the victim off from speaking up, gaining support, or making positive changes, either for themselves or the people around them.

Infantilize: The manipulator does not acknowledge their victims maturity either emotionally or psychologically. The victim is treated as if they have no knowledge of life or experience dealing with life's challenges. The goal is to reduce a person to that of an infant or child, lowering their status in the social order, and stripping them of the ability to make choices, both in the victim's mind and the manipulator's. Abusers who successfully infantalized you and kept you behind your peers in life will then use your trauma symptoms as an excuse to say, “see you are childish and can’t do this in your own, here let me do it for you” thus continuing to treat you younger than you are and keeping you in this cycle. This keeps you in a childish state against your will, sometimes living under a rock, or not knowing things people your age should know - but this goes for all complex trauma survivors as well.

Dog whistling or Double Entendres: It can be used to set the victim up to look hysterical, it is a coded and suggestive language that only the victim will understand the true meaning of. Used to abuse the victim in a covert manner. It is a statement your abuser uses with double meaning to be able to abuse you in front of others or just play mind games with you to make you lose your mind. Abusers tend to use “double entendres” to secretly cover abusive language. (Google the definition of double entendres).

For example: with the dog whistle tactic my abuser used on me, that my abuser would tell me and other people, “I fucked a girl so hard she had an asthma attack!” My abuser gloated to everyone she knew about how she hooked up with some chick and fucked her so hard that the girl ended up having an asthma attack my abuser thought this was cool to gloat about - this didn’t actually happen; The true hidden meaning behind that statement was that she and her friends gang raped me and I woke up (from being drugged) having a panic attack and hyperventilating that someone handed me an asthma inhaler and it worked and stopped the panic attack. My abuser told me in private she was telling everyone she knew and gloating about raping me with that double entendre.

DARVO: Deny abuse allegations, Attack the victim, Reverse Victim and Offender role. The abuser pretends to be the victim of abuse while vilifying the real victim, and making them out to be the abuser.

Projection, Deflection, Denial: Projection is when the abuser accuses the victim of what they’re actually doing, this is chronically used as a part of the personality pattern of psychological abusers. If the abuser is cheating, they will accuse the victim of cheating. Deflection is when the abuser brings up things the victim “did wrong” when the victim rightfully confronts the abuser about their abusive actions or brings up something the victim supposedly did to take the blame or eyes off the abuser. Denial speaks for itself, when the abuser denies things when the victim confronts them, even when the victim has irrefutable proof.

Insinuating Comments: The manipulator knows the victim's weaknesses and buttons. They purposely push and pull on these to get a reaction. Often they will speak with double entendres or innuendos to confuse and hurt the victim simultaneously while maintaining plausible deniability of any hurtful intention. The goal is to drain the victim emotionally, wear them down, and to feed the manipulator’s ego or sense of power/control.

Feigning Innocence or Confusion: The manipulator tries to suggest that any harm done was unintentional or that they did not do something that they were accused of. The manipulator may put on a look of surprise or indignation. The manipulator may also try to play dumb by pretending he or she doesn't know what the victim is talking about or is confused about an important issue brought to their attention. The abuser may pretend to not know certain people they’re using to help abuse their victim, this is why the abuser has public friends and private contacts. The goal is to make the victim question his or her own judgment and possibly their own sanity. When others are deceived by a manipulator this way the victim feels powerless.

Triangulation

There are 4 main types of triangulation recognized. It is a situation in which one family member or friend will not communicate with the victim, or will be friendly with the victim, while turning other family members or friends against them. This can take many forms and usually incorporates gaslighting. There is always a covert element which leads to pitting the victim against others without the victim being fully aware of what is taking place. The goal is to isolate (divide), and conquer the victim while controlling their support system.

Killing Two Birds With One Stone:

To obtain control, attention or adulation, abusers will often inform their partner about a third-party such as a mutual friend or co-worker, etc., who has been flirtatious with them. This third-party person is brought into the relationship to kill two birds with one stone! First, it stirs up feelings of jealousy and insecurity in their partner and subtlety warns the partner that they’re replaceable. Instinctively the partner tries harder to please the abuser so as to not be replaced. Second, it creates an illusion of desirability and encourages rivalry, both of which fill the abuser with abuser-supply, adulation and control. So not only does the abuser get their dose of supply, they also increase the amount of power they have over their partner. Psychological abusers are obsessed with jealousy and envy to feed their insecurities and lift their self-esteem. Power is the way they go instead of looking for healthier alternatives to make themselves feel better; it’s just how they are wired. They’re wired for drama, power, control, and chaos.

Recruiting Reinforcements:

One of the ways abusers use triangulation to manipulate their partners into siding with their point of view or acquiesce to their wants and needs is by using third-party reinforcements to substantiate their opinions. This is a form of recruiting allies when taken to the extreme is a form of bullying. The abuser tries to manipulate anyone who may hold a different opinion or belief by using the help of a usually innocent third party, which of course, has only heard the abuser’s rendition of the truth.

The third-party is usually oblivious to the abuser’s ploy and believes they’re only trying to help the abuser. Usually, their party is a relative or one of the members of the abuser’s supporters that the abuser uses as a tool to help settle differences and coerce their partner or anyone else into accepting their viewpoint through the use of persuasion, embarrassment, majority rules or guilt.

Splitting:

This method of triangulation involves pitting two people against each other. The abuser does this by smearing the character of one or both of the people behind their backs. This enables the abuser to preserve their false image and ensures they’re viewed positively among the triangle. In many instances, the abuser will portray themselves as the victim, especially if they feel their partner is growing tired or aware of their manipulation, hypocrisy, and abuse. The abuser will react by planning their partner’s discard by starting a full-fledged smear campaign behind their back. So by the time they dump their partner, the abuser already has a circle of blind supporters.

The abuser will usually seek supporters that he/she knows will always agree with them no matter what. This is how they set up their partner to look like the abuser in the relationship long before the relationship is over. For this to work, the abuser must keep the supporter(s) and partner from sharing information, so the abuser will usually share mean comments each has said about the other.

The abuser uses this triangulation tactic to control the information shared between the parties providing the abuser with the power of being the primary contact person and transferer of information. Since everyone is communicating through the abuser and not with each other, the abuser can further their agenda by relaying their spin on the information between the parties.

The Pre-Discard and Dump:

When the abuser is about to break up the relationship they will confide in people who they know will agree with them and believe their rendition of the truth. Sometimes they will confide in people who hardly even know their partner, if at all. The abuser will make sure to let their partner know that they have been confiding in other people, and every single one of them agrees with the abuser. Most likely, one of the abuser’s confidants will assume the role of the replacement partner.

After the break-up, the abuser will openly brag about how happy they are with their new partner or make social media posts about it. And if their ex-partner acts jealous or tries to beg them back, the abuser will enjoy the new bonus love-triangle of their own creation. Abuser’s do this to always look good, happy, or like they’re doing their best while trying to tear you down.

Enticing the victim back or Hoovering: Is trying to use any means to get the victim to come back to the relationship. Threats, intimidation, guilt-tripping, love-bombing, enticing, making false promises of change, anything.

Blame-shifting: The victim is held responsible for the harm they suffered. The victim brought it all upon themselves and the manipulator is in no way responsible for their actions. The victim made all the choices which brought them trouble or pain regardless of how much they were manipulated into doing so. The goal is to put the victim on the defense which makes them look and feel guilty while simultaneously masking the manipulator's malicious intentions.

An abuser will blame-shift everything, even the littlest mistakes they’ve made, making themselves out to be perfect beings with no faults or flaws - obviously this disrupts the relationship and causes fights when there’s no accountability on the abusers end whatsoever.

Abuse by Proxy (or Flying Monkeys): This is when the abuser will enlist their friends or people to come after the victim and attack the victim, abuse the victim, or intimidate the victim. Abusers befriend abusers, abusers support abusers. This stage is usually after the break-up when the abuser is trying to get their “revenge” on you.

Love Bombing: Is an attempt by the manipulator to influence a person by lavish demonstrations of attention and affection. The manipulator appeals to the target’s vanity and insecurity. Their interest in the victim will be extreme once they have found their target and their “love” for the victim will be incredibly intense. Its purpose is to override the target’s critical thinking skills so that the abuser can control and manipulate. Essentially they will gain control over their victim by making their emotional state dependent on the manipulator. The abuser will act closer to you than they are given they only just met you, bomb you with loving gestures and affection which gets you easily attached (not real love).

Devaluing: This is the part of the cycle where the abuser does the complete opposite of love-bombing, they may rage, put down the victim or use any means to make the victim feel unloved. Relationships with psychological abusers are very black and white, it goes from love to hate in an instant and back again. Mental whiplash some people call it.

Gaslighting

Is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. Typically this undermines the victims support group carried out by a combination of other tactics synthesized into a large scale attack on said victim. Making the victim deny the reality they know to be true. Often the abuser is sure of themselves and the victim since the beginning of the relationship has been in a constant state of confusion and questioning themselves. There are many types of gaslighting and ways to gaslight.

Physical Gaslighting. You see this in the 1944 movie Gaslight. The gaslighter will physically, and ever so slightly, distort your surroundings repeatedly and deny repeatedly that anything has changed. In the movie the man is slightly turning down the gas-light in their bedroom a bit dimmer and when his wife asks if the lighting has changed, he denies it and calls her crazy. He does this constantly to get the outcome he wants from his victim.

Emotional Gaslighting. This obviously uses non-physical means to gaslight the victim. Ofen making the victim believe things about themselves that aren't true, like making them out to be the abuser for example. Denying events from the past (days, weeks, years) happened a certain way that the victim remembers it happening and calling the victim crazy, delusional, mentally ill, or telling the victim they are dreaming, manipulative and making stuff up. The abuser then asserts their rendition of the truth and a lot of the time adding details that never happened and asserting that they happened.

Minimization: This is denial coupled with gaslighting. The manipulator asserts that their behavior isn't really as harmful or irresponsible as someone else may be claiming. Often times down playing the behavior by comparing it to others, "He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone," or such logic may be present. The goal is to make a molehill out of a mountain, thus letting the manipulator continue the abusive behavior, or at least escape much of the guilt. They act like they don’t see the impact their actions have on others, sometimes they really don’t see it because they’re not reflecting on things they don’t care about.

Amplification: The manipulator will shout out your failures and whisper your successes. Any limelight the victim deserves will be diminished. Their accomplishments will go unnoticed and their shortcomings will be broadcast far and wide. The goal is to drain the victim of the energy to be successful, to make them doubt themselves, so that the manipulator can be the center of attention at all times while belittling the victim.

Emotional Blackmail: Knowing that someone close to them wants love, approval or confirmation of identity, and self-esteem, manipulators will threaten to withhold the emotional support the victim desires or needs, or even take it away altogether, making the person feel that he or she must meet the demands of the manipulator. The goal is to ensure that the victim feels afraid to cross them, obligated to give them their way, or guilty if they resist.

I’ve also seen this in terms of witchcraft/black magick in which the abuser will insist demons or gods have been used to help get revenge on the victim as a kind of deluded “divine retribution” against the victim. I’ve surprisingly heard a lot of stories of people’s abusers using black magic as a threat to their victims. This is blackmailing. All in all, wanting to do vengeful or abusive things using magic to make oneself feel more powerful is a huge red flag.

Monitor and Stalk: The manipulator is always present, lurking behind the victim's back, or from a good safe distance, keeping an eye on him or her. It is common for them to monitor the victim's computer or phone, and even use surveillance equipment in order to follow the person's every move. The goal here is simple: maintain knowledge of everything the victim says and does, their coming and going, and who they know. Check your vehicles for tracking devices, they can be under the car, behind a license plate, in the engine blending in, in the wheel well, or behind one of the tires, in the trunk, or even inside the car under the seats or under the dashboard area.

Personality Traits/Patterns

Vindictiveness: This is a disturbed personality trait that all psychological abusers possess. They are extremely revenge-prone, incredibly abusive with their revenge, and often entitled and self-righteous with their revenge. They believe they have a right to abuse the victim that they perceive as deserving of abuse. Often perceiving things in a cognitively distorted manner (research terms: cognitive distortions, distorted object relations).

Deceitfulness:

Public and Private Personas: Psychological abusers are notoriously known for having a public personality that they may show around school, their unaware friends and family, and a private personality that they unleash who they really are around other abusers or victims of theirs. Victims and other abusers are the only ones that see their private personas.

Tracfones and aliases: An alias is a fake name and identity they go by to get away with their abusive behaviors. Tracfones are also known to be used to get away with crime.

Charm: Charming behavior is used obviously to charm people and get people to like the abuser. Abusers are typically good at charming anybody they come across because it also helps hide their abusive personality.

Cognitive Distortions. A cognitive distortion is an exaggerated or irrational thought pattern. Cognitive distortions are thoughts that cause individuals to perceive reality inaccurately. Abusers rely on cognitive distortions to justify bad or aggressive behavior. One example of how they distort reality is mislabeling a person as stupid or useless because they don’t know what the abuser knows; this is a pathetic attempt for the abuser to lift their self-esteem by feeling superior to others. Another example of a cognitive distortion is mislabeling a person's identity we see this with:

Distorted Object Relations. The abuser tends to relate to others primarily as objects to satisfy their own needs and desires, rather than seeing them as unique individuals with their own feelings and perspectives.

Victim Complex. The abuser is a perpetual victim and sees themselves as victimized when they often are not being victimized. They enjoy taking on a masochistic role where they perceive themselves as being attacked or offended where there is no offense in reality, giving them ample opportunity to perceive the real victim as the bad guy so they can cause chaos and drama to fuel their abuser-supply. The cycle of abuse is called the cycle of abuse for a reason; they cannot get out of the victim role.

Pompous, Pretentious, Posers and Fake. They cannot be anything but arrogant, liars, exaggerators, making up almost everything about their character to portray themselves as a certain person, or with a certain job or degree or having certain relationships or status that they don’t actually have. We see this in a lot of famous DV cases such as “Dirty John” on Netflix which is a true story of a woman and her daughter’s DV case. We also see this with murderer, Brian Blackwell, who tried to keep his facade of a character he wasn’t up to the point where he snapped and murdered his parents, all over the fact that he was fake and needed to upkeep his perfect image to his girlfriend. Lies are a red flag. Slight exaggerations are a red flag.

Foreshadowing. This is when the abuser plays mind games or drops hints that they’re abusive (it is also a way to shift blame onto you for accepting the abuse and to gaslight you or intimidate you because they “warned you about how they are” when the relationship started.)

Crisis situations. If they have an addiction for example, which is the common one I always hear about, they’ll constantly use it to keep you smothered in their presence, there for them, ect. they will “accidentally” leave pills or a needle where they know you’ll find them so you freak out/stress and so you can be there for them. This is also a part of smothering/enmeshment. Abusers don’t know the difference between their responsibility and yours. If you’re going away on vacation, if you’re going out with friends, if you’re doing anything by yourself or with loved ones and the abuser will immediately have a crisis situation for you to come back running to them or else “you don’t care about them” because you aren’t taking care of their responsibilities.

Framing. They will frame the perfect story over the course of years or decades depending on how long you knew the abuser for. I call this simply “framing”. It’s when the abuser frames you for specific problems or for abuse from the very beginning of when the relationship first started.

Double Bind: In the manipulator's eyes the victim is damned if they do and damned if they don't. Regardless of which choice is picked the manipulator will always point out that the person should have picked the other. This may be accompanied by remarks such as "Well if you had done this I would have done something great for you, but forget about it now." The goal here is to beat the victim down psychologically and emotionally, in order to make him or her question and doubt their own intuition and judgment.

Double-Mindedness: The manipulator seeks the double advantage of being able to do wrong, of being able to have their will, of letting their passions rage, and the hypocritical advantage of seeming to be good, helpful, or supportive. In short, double-mindedness is to say one thing and do another, to do unto others what they are not willing to be done unto them. The manipulator can only accomplish said task by engaging in the self deception of doublethink.

Doublethink: To know and not to know, to be conscious of complete truthfulness while telling carefully constructed lies, to hold simultaneously two opinions which canceled out, knowing them to be contradictory and believing in both of them, to use logic against logic, to repudiate morality while laying claim to it, to forget whatever it was necessary to forget, then to draw it back into memory again at the moment when it is needed, and then promptly to forget it again, and above all, to apply the same process to the process itself.

Hurt and Rescue: A drowning person will clutch at a straw, so push them in the water, then throw them a rope. Hurting the other person does not necessarily mean physical harm and it may not even mean making them feel bad, but it does mean creating a situation that they want to resolve. The goal is to get the victim to play into the manipulator's hands so they can rush to their “rescue” only to trick the victim into trusting, believing, or becoming dependent upon them. The abuser sets up a problem, the victim is hurt, then the abuser rushes to their rescue as the hero.

Covert Aggressive Abuse: Insults are disguised as teachings, helping, giving advice, and offering solutions. The manipulator makes them appear as a sincere attempt to help, especially to others. This can also be followed by put-downs, and disappointment from the manipulator and anyone else who they have convinced of the victim's inferiority. The goal is to belittle, control, and demean the victim while covering up the appearance of wrongdoing on the manipulators behalf.

Setting up to Fail: The manipulator puts their victim in such a state of stress, or stressful situation, that failure is almost certain, wherein the outcome can be used as ammunition to discredit and blame the victim. This can be done covertly as well, using sabotage or undermining an objective that may otherwise have been achievable. This type of manipulation may be the projection of the bully's own feelings of inadequacy onto the victim.

Moving the Goalpost: When the manipulator has control of the situation they will redefine the victim's goals, in reality, to intentionally devise a way so as to assure that an athlete, for example, will ultimately never be able to finally achieve the ever shifting goals. Depending on how this is done the goal may be to humiliate the victim, keep them preoccupied so as to accomplish nothing else with their time, or to simply wear them out.

Brandishing Anger: The manipulator puts on an act of furious explosive anger, verbal abuse, or physical threats. If the victim is in a trance or has previously been manipulated by the abuser, with just one incident of such behavior the victim can become conditioned and trained to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator ever again. The goal is to establish dominance or superiority, and complete and unquestionable compliance, over victims through fear.

Brainwashing: Also referred to as heart washing, is the act of changing a person's mind or heart by using extreme mental or emotional pressure or abuse. This is typically done when the victim is extremely outmatched by their manipulator either mentally, physically, economically, or socially. This can be achieved a number of ways but usually the victim is in a situation they feel they can’t escape, and will involve several tactics simultaneously. The goal is to convince the victim into believing their viewpoints about life, believing their view of certain people or a specific person, or something else and that the victim needs to be realigned to the viewpoint of the manipulator.

Silent Treatment: The manipulator refuses to communicate and uses emotional and/or physical withdrawal as punishment. This is to convey contempt and communicate that the person is not worthy of the manipulator's acknowledgement. The goal is to render the victim powerless to change the current situation and induce feelings of abandonment or rejection. If the manipulator withdraws emotionally the victim can become love starved for their affection/attention.

This is different from Gray Rock which is a technique victims in abusive relationships can use to not engage with the manipulative person in their life. You’re doing it to avoid gaslighting, fights and the feeling like you’re going off your marbles, whereas the abuser uses the silent treatment as a way to gain power and control over you, usually because they’re pissed you’re not doing what they want.

Roles in a household

Scapegoating. Manipulators subject the "whipping boy" to constant negative treatment and blame they don't deserve. Manipulators unconsciously project their own unwanted feelings and problems onto the victim. The punishment which the scapegoat has to endure is a direct projection of the manipulator's own insecurities. Scapegoating is a deliberate act of torment against another person for the cathartic pleasure of the manipulator and their cohorts. The scapegoat is often blamed for all the problems that arise, they are most likely to have DARVO used against them (they are blamed to be the abuser by one or multiple abusive family members). A lot of the times when abusive parents (or even other family members) don’t want to take accountability for their mistakes they regret or don’t want people to know about, everybody can dump their projections and insecurities onto the scapegoat.

Golden Child. This is the kid who is looked at as the perfect extension of the manipulative parent(s). They fit the role of being perfectly exploited by a parent that seeks attention, adulation, and success. This child is used for the parents' need for a perfect image. This is usually the sibling that becomes the most successful but not always. They are typically the favorite kid.

Invisible Child. Usually completely ignored. The parents (and sometimes siblings are manipulated to do the same) never speak to this kid, and may genuinely completely ignore their existence. If there are 5 members of the immediate family and it is dinner time, the parents might put down 4 plates at the table, not call them to dinner and have dinner with everybody else, just to further control and ignore the invisible child. A lot of people's situations will be different in how they experience the role. This is one example.

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androgymagnus · 13 days ago

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ohhh my god speaking of house md and brilliant minds comparisons. yikes. like. okay. i understand why people try to start with this. i truly do. i think if you're trying to communicate something you like about the show to someone who hasn't seen it, and you do that by relating it to a very popular medical drama, that's like. i get why you're doing that. but while there's a pretty good common thread here (ie, medical drama starring disabled doctor who will do anything to help his patients and his gaggle of diverse interns) it's.... largely surface level and reductive, because these are two very different shows other than that little logline.

like, their disabilities and how they're handled and what they mean to their characters and how they handle them are very different. (SO different i'm not even gonna get into it. but they serve different purposes you know?) the tone of the whole show is different--my god is the tone different. the shows are actively trying to do different things.

and like (this one deserves its own line) while i personally believe house is very empathetic and cares about his patients under All That, uh, All That still exists, and does not excuse any kindness he might have under All That, and All That is still a problem (ie yes he will go to any lengths to cure his patient but he will also call them and their whole family slurs. blah blah blah complex character motivations and trauma the effect is still bad no matter the cause) and anyway, that's just what i think from his characterization, generally, he is still incredibly rude and caustic and you could certainly argue for the reading that he actually cares about the puzzle, not the patient. and even if you, like me, believe he deeply cares about his patients even when he doesn't want to, he still largely focuses far more on their literal health than their feelings or lived experience in the hospital. he'll save your life but he'll be a dick the whole time. he'll make patients cry and not really care. meanwhile dr wolf cares about his patient's lived experiences, how they feel, not just their literal physical health. that is literally his entire approach: getting to know them as people, treating them with kindness and understanding when other doctors have brushed over them or signed them off as a lost cause. rather than any kindness/empathy being subtext or shown through certain actions, it's the text.

now, i'm not saying this makes dr wolf a better character than house (a better person, perhaps!) or even a more complex character, since again. they are very different characters serving very different purposes. house is a deeply fucked up little man dealing with very bad chronic pain, childhood trauma, probably repressed bisexuality but let's not go there, etc., and he lashes out. he's a complex character, he's sympathetic but not a victim, he's an asshole but often you like him anyway. wolf is serving a different purpose as a character--i'd say his speech about harold in the first episode really speaks to it. like. he cares, about things other doctors don't, that even house probably wouldn't (depending on the episode and season probably). he's got his own backstory, albeit one we don't know all of yet, that plays into how he interacts with people now and why he is the way he is.

like. agh. gestures frusturatedly. there are interesting contrasts one could make here between these two characters (for example: if we buy that house is deeply empathetic, he deals with this by not wanting to get attached to patients at all, refusing to see them directly, and treating them like puzzles, because when he does see them as a person it hurts more when they die; meanwhile dr wolf does the exact opposite and loathes the idea of seeing patients as their diseases, as a puzzle, but as a consequence gets maybe even too attached every single time, which, while admirable, can lead to burnout or just, you know, getting fired or being a bit single-minded with blinders on trying to save them), but ultimately, it's kind of apples and oranges (that previous parenthetical is fun and all but they have very different backstories and motivations and context and that's kind of just isolating one thing, you know?) and seeing people uncritically compare the two is at least mildly irksome. they have, again, wildly different backstories and motivations.

these shows are trying to do different things! neither one of them is better than the other (i think i'm enjoying brilliant minds more personally, although with only seven episodes out to house's eight seasons i think it's a bit of an unfair judgment to try and make objectively as of yet) because they are trying to do different things. they just happen to be medical dramas about a doctor who will do anything to cure their patient, which is, when you think about it, a very broad category. you could throw in 'and he's disabled!' but let's be real, their disabilities (and how they're handled and interact with the plot) are very different.

the point is, i understand why people make this comparison but i think it's a little reductive and misguided. but at the same time like, i get it, trying to get across something in an easy to understand way when you're trying to convince someone to watch the show, just--don't go giving them the wrong impression! if someone goes into brilliant minds expecting house md, and they like different things about that show than you did, they're gonna end up being disappointed

anyway, disorganized ramble: end. hope it somewhat made sense

#it's not that i think people are too stupid to get this i'm definitely not even the first person to point this out #it's just frustrating and i wanted to attempt to put into words. badly.#grembospeak #brilliant minds #long post

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fraternum-momentum · 2 months ago

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i always wonder whether kylar would try to support/encourage a depressed pc (because the town and life they deal with is hell) or not, especially because hes kinda delusional/blind to some of pcs flaws. like yes, kylar recognizes outward threats (i.e. stalking pc and preventing encounters with npcs, jealousy when with other characters) but idk what they would do when faced with a chronically depressed pc.

I feel like it would take post-kidnapping (+Stockholm syndrome or just willing pc) for kylar to REALLY notice. like... you should be happy now! you're gonna start a family together! you dont have to worry about money, or bailey, or anything else, kylar is taking care of it.

Kylar helping pc would be a balance of genuine care & a sick satisfaction of having pc rely on them so heavily.

auu that's super interesting actually,, but like with how much Kylar watches pc closely wouldn't they notice it sooner? like, oh pc seems down, pc seems to be bothered by something, etc. and they would grow extremely concerned. or maybe its just as you said, they would probably be so blinded with obsession that they wouldn't even notice it? ahuu questions,,,

i feel like they would trauma bond in some way. the relationship would absolutely not be healthy, they would be too dependent on each other, but its all they have, and theyre happy with it.

uuuu maybe kylar would develop a savior complex along the line because they would start thinking 'pc needs ME, only I know how to make them happy. no one else could take care of them like I do.'

but i agree !!! its from a place of genuine concern for pc's wellbeing but also a degree of selfishness(?), thats what makes Kylar, them after all.

#super cool dynamic to think about #very fun to brainstorm about it too ! maybe i can think about it some more later on..#franswers

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bunnidid-reviews · 1 year ago

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is it frowned upon to wish that one could dissociate or have an alter take over in moments that are awful and stressful? genuine question

Hmmm, this blog is really more intended on reviewing and sharing media about complex dissociative disorders, or could easily be related to CDDs. Certainly not an advice blog for this or anything else > < I think any more general questions about DID can be forwarded to @sundropglass (main blog) if at all, just to stay on topic here.

But since you asked, I may as well share my perspective a little bit. I urge you to read it all.

Of course it's something anyone would want. Shut off and let the stress be taken care of for someone else? go off to fairyland a bit? It's actually an extremely sophisticated way of functioning in the midst of trauma; tuck it away, get through the thing that you might otherwise feel like you're dying from.

But where does that stress go?

Say that you had a very stressful day. Maybe one thing after another kept going wrong. And all day, there was absolutely nothing you could do because you had to carry on with a smile on your face and act like everything's fine, while more dismays pile on top of you. Maybe on top of that, you end up having an argument with a loved one and now you have social anxiety and no sense of safety or relief.

This is not out of the norm. People live very stressful lives all the time. It builds up though, all that stress is piled into your immune system if you don't have any release.(Expressing emotions in a healthy manner) It comes out in the ways that maybe you get ill, or spend all day in the bathroom, or get a migraine. This is what we call the body keeping the score (a book I should read tbh). What the mind doesnt handle(dissociates from), the body will.

This is what people with CDDs regularly go through. Trauma = stress that's beyond your range of coping. Chronic trauma means chronic stress, just stored away in pockets upon pockets where its never dealt with until much later in life. This is why I don't think I know a single system who doesn't have some sort of chronic health issues. The initial trauma may not have killed them, but maybe the health issues that come from all this chronic stress might just finish the job.

This isn't even addressing what the disorder implies mentally.

Look up the symptoms of PTSD, look into personality disorders, attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation. Any trauma-based symptoms could come with a CDD, because there's nearly nothing special at all about DID or OSDD. They're not sectioned off 'incredible' disorders as much as media or people on the internet will imply. We are normal people who have been hurt. A lot.

We have this disorder because no one came to save us, so we had to turn to ourselves, sometimes at an extremely young age. There's no measuring the amount of hurt it takes for a young child to feel this alone.

Going off this ask alone, but because you wish you could dissociate to such the intensity as you're suggesting, tells me that you haven't actually. Daydreaming or spacing out is a very minor case of dissociation, but the level at which you're having alters would imply that you're hoping to dissociate much further than you actually think you want. Do you not want to recognize your own spouse, or be completely unable to be present in the best moments of your life? This doesn't shut off when you're happy again.

Say fine fine fine, yes yes yes to all of this, you could deal, because at least you'd be another person who would bear the responsibility for you.

I hate to tell you this, but that's not how alters work. They are, at the end of the day, still part of you. They don't magically whisk away all this stress they face, they'd still hold onto it, be strongly effected by it, and you're a lot more likely to have the same stress come back over and over again and go unprocessed because of the fragmentation involved.

If it's to ease off some of the responsibility of being yourself, then.. Well that's not what happens with DID either. Those of us with a CDD tend to feel overly responsible for everything around us, actually. It's not the escape you're hoping for.

In a short answer: Yes it is very believable to want this disorder, to want alters. That's understandable even!

But I'm also going to say this is frowned upon. There is a LOT more to these disorders than some spacing out and some cool characters. I hope you can understand a little more why this mentality is frowned upon; no one who has it actually wants it when it comes down to it

BUT i HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU ANON!! Please listen

It's okay to want to be someone else to get through the stress. It's even okay to turn off your brain and space out. These are natural human things. Just.. They don't have to be a disorder. There are some recommendations for coping that aren't hoping to have a CDD, but might suit you if you struggle with this:

Try to analyze your life and see what it is that's causing you so much stress that it makes you want to not exist in such a way. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, there are still little things you can do to make it better for yourself

Are there things you CAN change? Maybe you can look into getting professional help or finding a new job, or even so much as regularly tidying up the space you're in

Look up coping mechinisms and grounding techniques

Take breaks and let yourself really unwind. Read a book or go outside and look at clouds or something until you feel calm. I promise this feels way better than dissociation

Fun Coping Tools That Feel Like What You Want Out Of Dee Eye Dee:

create a story in your head. If you come up with a world all your own to explore, it feels like having an inner world

Create original characters you can "be". By this I mean be imaginative like when we were all kids. >>Here's a really cool version of what adults can do if 'playing pretend' seems too childish for you<<

Have some staring out a window time. Just let your mind go for a bit

None of this has to be disordered to be helpful, and have nearly the same effect that you're hoping for.

If you are at a point where you want to not exist for suicidal reasons, I really urge you to get some help. There's always someone who wants you to be around, even if thats some time in the future.

#askies #dissociative identity disorder #why yes I did word vomit on this sorry! I have some feelings about it #I think my blog does a not so great job at showing the harder parts of DID becauseeeee Iiiii am reviewing media thats not always accurate #I want people with CDDs to feel less alone in representation but it is far from wanting others to have the disorder bc its fun #actuallydid

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septembersghost · 1 year ago

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Sorry to send this random message, but since you like both elvis and taylor I was curious for your opinion. I've seen people comparing would've could've should've to elvis and priscilla's relationship and that they can't wait for videos set to that when the priscilla movies comes out... saying elvis is like the subject of that song stuns me and breaks my heart, but what do you think?

don't be sorry honey! <3 it's such a complex topic and is often misjudged/weaponized with the worst intent, which tends to be unfair to both of them.

prefacing this with priscilla herself saying, “It’s hurtful, for a man who has given so much, to have others pick him apart. I’ll die defending him and his legacy. Because he deserves it.”

also going to refer to this ask from a few months ago.

okay, to be more blunt than i typically am, their relationship overall should not have happened, for a lot of reasons and both their sakes, but i don't like saying that because it erases the love they shared, cilla's agency, lisa marie's existence (and her children's), and the entirety of the life they shared, and i don't think that's right to do. should elvis have turned her down gently and guided her away when they first met? probably! should her parents have put their foot down and told her absolutely not, in no uncertain terms, were they sending her to memphis, and insisted she move on and continue her normal life? yes. she was an emotional young woman who was head over heels in love with one of the biggest stars in the world, and who can blame her, but she would've gotten over it. but that's not what happened. so we have to contend with what did.

elvis was a complicated, sometimes mercurial, often wonderful, man. he had come through extraordinary and extreme events literally from birth, and certainly in the rise of his star, experienced a certain degree of...i don't want to use this phrase, but arrested development?...because of his unusual circumstances. (no judgment on that, i have talked many times about being frozen at 19 because of what's happened in my life, i really empathize with why certain things were difficult and disorienting for him in my own tiny way, just like i, as someone chronically ill, hold empathy for his health too). he was dealing with what i'd categorize not only as profound grief and loneliness following his mother's death, but also compounded trauma for a number of reasons.

i think about the quote from his costar in follow that dream, anne helm, saying he was still such an innocent, "He was surrounded by a lot of people that took advantage of his generosity. It was a more innocent time. I mean, Elvis was -- how old was he? 24, 25? [Actually, Elvis was 26 when the film was shot in the summer of 1961.] He was a baby, and I was, too. We were very young. As much as Elvis was a celebrity, he was a big kid, he was a lot of fun." he had an inherent earnestness and compassion that was guileless.

one of his contradictions here is that, with priscilla, he also had a paternalistic quality where he was looking after her and doing what he thought was best for her. the people who try to frame this as predatory claim he was abusing her, even though that is not how priscilla characterizes it. he had this need to nurture and be nurtured, and he tried to look after her, but he was far from perfect in doing so since his lifestyle wasn't conducive to some of what she needed. that said, he set definitive boundaries with her for a reason. had he been preying on her maliciously, the end goal would've always been exploiting her in some way (namely for sex), but we know he decidedly didn't do that, that in fact she was very frustrated with him because he refused to sleep with her for multiple reasons, and wouldn't until they were married. by which point she was very much a consenting adult.

guiding her look the way he did i don't think he meant to be controlling or harmful, his approach wasn't inherently abusive, it came from genuine care. everyone knew he was pushing it, but they were in love and sometimes no amount of arguing will defy that. he had conflicted feelings about marriage, but i think he really did desire that security of family and love and home, even though he struggled with the commitment of that, and he also never felt wholly seen, safe, or secure in any of his romantic relationships. (this wasn't unique to priscilla, it's a recurring theme). and tbh a lot of that was also likely rooted in trauma, because that has effects on a person.

it's also relevant to note that it was an entirely different time. outrage on the internet prefers to ignore this, but it's vital for context. it may not excuse their initial connection, but by the time she went to memphis, and certainly by the time they got married, their romance and marriage wouldn't have been that unusual. the age gap discourse has gotten REALLY BAD and utterly flattened in a way that ignores all nuance and all particulars of the human beings involved. it doesn't always equate to abuse. it's unkind at the least and dehumanizing at the most to categorize every dynamic that way, and when priscilla herself refutes it and has never called herself a victim, i am not going to categorize him that way. relationships are vast and unique and imperfect, and sometimes people just fall in love! it's not intended for mass consumption or approval by total strangers, especially decades later.

priscilla herself discusses her girlhood and her growth into womanhood, and how much a part of it he was, how he was often many different roles to her. she mentions her naivete, her feelings of unsophistication, and how she grew into herself.

they both grew and changed. and some of that led them in distinctly different directions. she also mentions how they shared a connection and warmth, that in many ways they found more kindnesses and understanding for one another after they divorced. she, and we, will never know how their dynamic might have continued because his death closed that door forever, but she has grieved and loved him. she's not perfect either, and certainly i don't agree with everything she's done, but i cannot abide vilifying elvis and victimizing priscilla when that wasn't their story. they both deserve better and more understanding than that.

how dare people decide for her that she was deceived or that her girlhood was stolen? how dare people disregard her own words and experience and the love she has for him in such a puerile and vicious way?

taylor's story is HER STORY. she didn't intend for it to be applied to others without their consent, or copy/pasted over other dynamics. what she experienced with john was wholly different. he did take advantage of her in a calculated sense. he did use her youthful worship of him and how enamored she was to manipulate her, and then turned it against her. it wasn't a loving dynamic between them at all - she was in love and he got an ego boost and thought he could also make a conquest. it damaged some of her sense of herself, her approach to sex, love, and relationships, and permanently impacted her in some ways - even if she's healed, she shared that the scars still exist and haunt her. it's nowhere near the same tone that priscilla (nor any woman) uses about elvis. i think it's awfully presumptuous and cruel to decide to boil them down to 30 second fan edits using an extremely raw and personal song written generations later about an entirely different experience.

it's...gross and exploitative, not supportive or sympathetic to cilla. the agenda of it to cut down elvis is transparent. lisa would hate it. i really, really disagree with it and it's just a way to outrage bait. and it breaks my heart too. i know it's going to happen, i'm sure those little tiktoks will be prevalent, but i will not be giving them any credence or attention. i respect them both too much for that, and understand their mistakes and imperfections, and tbh cherish him more as a human, a sensitive and generous soul, and an artist than anyone can ever understand when they try to tear him down.

#sorry this got away from me #anonymous #letterbox #elvis presley #priscilla 2023 #i was a dreamer

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autistic-sidestep · 2 years ago

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questions about suranga ! why did they pick their name / do you think it fits them ? what is their gender & sexuality ? what are their (romantic) relationships like ? what is their motivation, either in general and/or to pursue villainy ?

alright let's go!

The name ‘Suranga’ when i originally looked it up while trying to name him meant something like divine? It apparently also means orange, which is funny cos of his arrogance and daring stats lol, though he was more of a bluestep when i first made him, so yeah, oddly fitting. As for why he picked his name, I think I decided it was a name someone he almost came to see as a parental figure in his pre-vigilante days would’ve given their kid, if they’d been able to have one. In some ways, that was his way of honoring them and it was the first thing that could be his (if also something residual from farm training and people-pleasing to need someone else to pick).

he could’ve gone for something more common but then again, it wasn’t a name he was intending to share with anyone else until ortega, otherwise, he was always giving fake names. whether suranga actually believes he still deserves his name, though, honestly varies with his self-loathing levels. this guy has so many complexes lmao.

Genderwise, it’s kinda a mess? At first seeing ricardo on the news gave him some gender revelations, starting to id as a binary trans guy and staying stealth with the rangers (and it was def comforting to know there was a fellow trans man on the team, even if he and sentinel were never close) but it didn’t fully feel right? Then post second escape and through puppeting yasmin he gradually realizes oh, the whole girl thing isn’t so bad when it’s on his terms (or close enough), yoink, my gender now. As yasmin he’s a lot more confident, so he basically trials things he’d never be able to do as himself through her and post-debut, he gets a little bit bolder with his own body.

i’m ultimately imagining whatever mess in books 3 or 4 happens if ace gets their body back like this:

suranga: sorry abt the whole bodystealing thing thanks for the gender tho

ace: ???

Obv with the whole maintaining two different identities thing (without even factoring in argos post-debut), the Autism™, and never really having a stable sense of self thanks to cuckoo training (plus SO MUCH TRAUMA), it’s hard to actually pinpoint what his gender is, at best i’d say something like uh, genderqueer/genderfluid?

Sexuality is similarly a very big mess. He’s definitely aspec/some kind of aroflux, and his ongoing secret crush on ricardo is a jumble of ortega being his first real friend (and not letting anyone else close enough to have other points of reference), and being a simultaneously touch averse AND touch starved mf, and also the gender confusion triggered by ric before even meeting him (‘do i want to be him or be friends with him??’) so suranga’s whole ability to determine if it’s romantic/sexual attraction or platonic feelings is very very fucked. With ortega specifically they used to be very close (he thought the world of him tbh), but with ricardo hovering since their reunion he’s trying to keep him at arms length, because he’s very aware how well ortega can read him. He can’t help but go back to ortega in spite of his efforts to stay away, partly because he wants ortega to stop and/or help him but doesn’t know how to ask, or if he can.

He’s honestly very clueless on the chen attraction thing. There’s the baggage from having known eachother back before, but also post-heartbreak he can better relate to chen (which includes a mutual hatred of stairs!) because of the chronic pain/fatigue problems he’s had to deal with, and spoon is also a big factor - he does prefer cats, and his own cat Fred in particular that stayed with elena after HB,, but getting to hang out with spoon is pretty good too.

As yasmin, he becomes very fond of mortum, but he’s not sure he’d call it romantic attraction, though they might’ve flirted a bit at the start. Suranga really enjoys the doctor’s company and respects her a lot, in part cos it’s so fun to nerd out over tech stuff, and there’s none of the baggage that comes with ortega. he’d rather not compromise that friendship by stringing her along, so I think he makes it clear at the gala on the feelings? i’m still working out his canon route, but for sure he tells mortum the truth in retri.

Also his flirting as yasmin bleeds over into his argos persona when he fights with argent. he def likes playing with fire lol. Romantic relationships are a big ????

However, in general relationship terms, he’s pretty familial with rosie and his crew, in part cos the dynamic reminds him a lot of the rangers in his sidestep days, and old habits are hard to shake.

Motivation tends to vary, but the underlying principles are that he’s very very tired and bitter and just wants to feel like he’s in some control of his life again/not powerless - the argos suit is in part a mobility aid, because it lets him do what he could as sidestep, and more. argos gives him a lot of freedom and at times euphoria, but also huge guilt, just as he does with yasmin. he's following the path of least resistance (fate motive), even if that’s driving himself (further) into a self-destructive spiral. at least it’s by his hand instead of someone else’s?

Basically he’s swinging between these two modes:

He also does a lot of joking to deflect from when he accidentally lets slip he’s not doing well (which is. all the time) which is probably best summarized by an excerpt from the Hoots scene:

Faulty logic aside, there’s a lot of anger at himself, especially his past self for his naivety and getting careless (as much as he tries to bury it, he’s still a hero at heart), but also at the Farm, but it’s not like he can really touch them. I have a soft spot for the outsider scar cos that’s the first one i ever got, and the whole disconnect from the rest of the world feels very very fitting, and coupling that with the suicidal scar (so suicidal from rebirth → outsider into retri), though I have tried him out with puppetmaster too, and maybe some parts from the hunger scar can work too?

idk if he'll actually remain driven enough to stick to being argos, but it sure is fun watching him be a trainwreck about it

this has been a (semi-coherent) ramble about suranga thanks for indulging me <3

#ramblings #oc: suranga fernando

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paradoxesofgalaxies · 2 years ago

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Therapy recap

I'm getting the feeling my therapist is a bit out of his depth with me. I know he has other patients with DID but I seem to be more complex than he's used to dealing with. Like, he's clearly trying but he seems at a bit of a loss for how to help me (he even said as much regarding a specific issue we were talking about)

So yeah started off talking about how my week had been which was a lot about my fall and the recovery which led into talking about some chronic illness stuff but I diverted before too long by talking about a instance earlier in the week when we'd been worried about having read too much into a friendship but recognized that this was coming from trauma and broke the pattern by reaching out to talk with that friend and check in which was a big moment for us.

Then I talked about my miserable attempt at communication last night and the chaos that entailed. Which is when I started getting the sense again that he's a bit out of his depth. We were talking about one of the antagonistic parts who had been yelling at me last night and I was explaining that this part seems to not want me to look inwards ("You push this over and over. Why can't you just accept you're not supposed to know these things?") which is when he admitted he didn't know how to help with something like this, though I had already gathered that with all the pauses and stumbling.

We spent the rest of the session going over some DBT skills (specifically emotional regulation/changing emotional responses)

But yeah, today's session wasn't the first time I've gotten the sense he's a bit out of his depth with me. I think part of the difficulty is that I have a lot of knowledge about various DBT skills and other treatment methodologies and some are things I already use but a lot are things I know about but haven't figured out how to actually use them. But I also think he's not sure how to work with my DID. He's made comments before that I'm more complex than his other patients and he often seems at a loss for how to help with the things I'm actually struggling with.

#galactic gab #therapy logs

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dissociativediscourse · 2 years ago

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Hello! This is a question regarding complex childhood trauma and how it could lead to CDDs-

So, background info, I’ve been questioning whether or not I’m a system for a while. Other people have also basically gone ‘🤨’ at me and have told me that my experiences seem rather similar to OSDD. I may quote someone as saying ‘yeah that’s some OSDD shit’. Includinggg one Dxed DID system. Which is. Hm!

It’s gotten to where the woman doing my intake appointment for my college counseling sessions has suspected me of it. (Though I wouldn’t call them… the MOST ah, experienced institution for it considering a lot of their knowledge is from one 1-week seminar that was done last year)

One thing that I tend to get hung up on is what exactly my trauma was to cause this, or at least a level of dissociation to resemble a CDD at all.

Now, I know that it’s not the best idea to go digging for trauma, but I’m a very curious person at heart, and it’s less digging up memories and more ‘which already known memory or events could have caused this?’

One of my leading hypotheses is: literally just having untreated generalized anxiety disorder through my WHOLE childhood. It’s genetic so it was there biting my ass the whole time.

This does beg the question; CAN such a thing cause a CDD or CDD-presenting symptoms?

I’ve heard that it’s chronic trauma, or repeat chronic stressors that lead to the development of CDDs. A sort of constant fight or flight mode.

What’s fucky about GAD is that it can give ya that shit for free! No outside stressors needed!

Note that, like disorders do, my GAD is far greater in severity now than it was in my childhood, but my example still stands…

TLDR: could someone develop a CDD from untreated childhood generalized anxiety disorder while having a pretty good life otherwise, because generalized anxiety can mayhaps ‘substitute’ for a stressful environment in childhood with its own, shall I say, ‘home-grown’ stress? Could just having a genetic anxiety disorder throughout childhood lead to such stress as to cause dissociation to cope with it?

Are there any studies on this? If not, anybody wanna do a study? I think people should do studies more, they can be fun to do. But not tumblr poll studies, like, actual research paper studies. With annotated bibliographies and statistical significance and all that fancy stuff.

(Additional thing: I really feel people underestimate how Fucked GAD can be as a disorder. It can fuck up your cardiovascular system! It can give you HEART PROBLEMS just because heehoo adrenaline glands go brr! No major panic attacks needed, even! Just chronic stress alone!)

I’m going to first link you to my most recent ask so that I don’t have to repeat the same things over and over. https://www.tumblr.com/dissociativediscourse/715062976412073984/hello-i-made-a-post-reaching-out-to-the-plural

And then, I’m going to restate something: I can’t diagnose you. I don’t diagnose people, and neither should anyone else on Tumblr or IRL (that isn’t a licensed professional). The words of others that say you have Vibes really don’t matter that much in the big picture because whether they have it or not or have been through a one week seminar or not, they aren’t professionals and have not been trained to spot it and diagnose it and treat it, and that’s kind of the deal with that.

Secondly, I want you to know that I’m not trying to invalidate you or say that you’re wrong or anything like that… But there are a few things I have to point out.

One of those is that a huge part of DID is disorganized attachment/lack of a trustworthy caregiver/inability to receive comfort from trauma/lack of a safe place. As well, your brain can’t traumatize itself to the point of developing a CDD. This is an immutable fact, no matter what disorder is involved. GAD alone cannot and will not ever be able to cause DID, nor will any other disorder. The question isn’t “was this traumatic”. It is “Did this disrupt this child’s brain development repeatedly in a way that would result in a CDD?”.

GAD is stressful, but it would need a few extra steps from the outside to cause a CDD to form.

Now, I don’t know whether or not those happened. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t go digging at this point. You should honestly take the advice that I linked to in the last ask. Get help, and start working on symptom management. Because it doesn’t matter whether or not you have a dissociative disorder as much as it matters that you’re okay. If you need help, you deserve it. And you deserve help that works for you. The whole point of a diagnosis is to allow you get the right help and be as safe and happy as possible.

I don’t know anything about your childhood besides what you’ve told me, so that’s about as far as my advice goes. But if you do one thing, please, *please* read the post I linked, because that’s the best starting point I can offer.

#dissociative identity disorder #asks #osddid #did advice #osdd #advice asks #dissociative identity disorder advice #did osdd

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scrapperjoe · 2 years ago

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Doesn't making keichos character disabled defeat the original purpose of him?

Yeah this ones a tricky one that's been on my mind. Huge spoilers for talks of abuse and ableism. Keep in mind this likely will not be the best written since its before work and stuff.

Yeah its no doubt that keichos introduction shows him to be verbally abusive towards okuyasu, and holding ableist beliefs at that, which is... Hm, not the best choice for making a disabled character, especially if you consider okuyasu autistic like i do. So why make him disabled?

The original theme of the au was to heal from trauma and abuse, a theme very much in my own life. Id also forgotten "wait cant josuke just heal him" before id put medical research into this so, yeah. Anyways... I thought, "hey, if he wasnt dead, him and okuyasu could willingly work on their relationship together!" Emphasis on willingly. Because keicho has minimal use of his legs and such, in the early days of his recovery he'd have to rely on okuyasu to help take care of him. (By the time keichos finally discharged okuyasus near graduation, don't worry.) The time apart with keicho in the hospital allowed them to rework their relationship in a less heated setting, and having to rely on okuyasu more, someone he once looked down upon, really shifted the dynamic and you can see things are working out more healthily between them while the both of them also seek counselling and had jotaro act as a middle man in the early days of the au. Even when okuyasu becomes a parent, keichos past abuse is NOT swept under the rug because okuyasu has several boundaries set in place such as keicho not being allowed to punish or yell at the kids no matter how fatherly he mat feel towards them. He is still just the uncle, and okuyasu doesn't want them to go through what he did.

And now for what this post is actually supposed to be about! As i mentioned, the aus core theme was different at the very beginning, but does try to tackle many complex themes because i can. And you guessed it, ableism is a hot topic! Ill admit it, i hadnt originally thought of it cause my autism brain thought, "wow, nijimura bros alive!" But as ive done research ive really been cracking down on how to handle this. Ive put in much medical research and what its like to live with what disabilities and conditions he has such as being an amputee, nerve connection issues, chronic pain (i actually live with chronic migraines myself), brain damage, organ transplants, etc...

Making keicho disabled and having josuke heal him was NOT to punish him for his abuse. Not in any way. If anything, it more so puts him in a state where he quite literally cannot run away from his issues and has to actually face them with CHOICE. The spwf faced the nijimuras with whether or not they wanted to stay together or split apart because of their complcated relationship, and they both chose to stay. Anyways... With keichos character who was depicted with low-key ableist veiws, hes undoubtedly going to deal with internalized ableism up the wazu. Im not going to go into way too much detail with that because if you're disabled you know what it's like. But there's a LOT of him trying to overcome it with the years. When they were finally home together for the first time in years keicho finally got to see okuyasus survivors guilt for himself and that was one big hurdle. Keichos self hatred at that time was adding to it and once he saw just how badly it was affecting okuyasu without realizing it, boy that had to freaking change. But every hurdle after that wasn't a hurdle, it was more like climbing steps of a stair.

As we all know, recovery is no straight line. A lot of times people will wish theyll be their former selves, but a lot of times that's an unreasonable desire. Keicho has a hard freaking time accepting that. He keeps pushing himself, wishing his recovery was faster, in turn actually pushing himself back. Over time keicho has to learn his limits which is a very bitter battle. You make advancements but then you go back a bit. With josuke and okuyasu doing so much for the family keicho often feels less than, and like he should be doing more. He pushes himself to do all the chores in the house even if it means puking from his migraines or wearing his stumps to the point the friction in his prosthetics start to bleed. Because we all know keichos as stubborn as a mule. The family is very adamant about getting him to rest, and i know i joke about them having to tape him down to the couch, but this feeling is a very real part of us who live with internalized ableism. Our society is so rooted in production and everything, that it can just be so hard to accept that our brains and bodies are simply incapable of doing certain things... What's more is that with keichos fluctuating condition its hard for him to keep a job. But even when he feels like crap, the family reassures him. Cause when your body won't let you do much more than bring up laundry without being in immense pain, or can hardly let you read for fun because of brain fog, it can be hard.

And because i worked it for josuke only to partially heal keicho because keicho told him specifically not to heal him, keicho obviously has disfiguring burn scars. And with his prosthetics and mobility aids, it goes without saying that he gets nasty looks and people staring at him. Those whispers around him when he goes into public. Those that lead him to often cover up even during summer time, that have the kids have to stand up for themselves and their own family at school because they get picked on because they have a VERY non traditional family. Those stares and comments can make him feel sub human, doctors constantly offering facial reconstruction surgery, and the way people can treat others is just... Appalling. Its taken keicho YEARS to feel comfortable in his own skin. From not getting that jarring feeling every time he looks in the mirror, not having to shower with a shirt on, not wanting to peel his skin off, etc... It was a bitter battle of self love. A bitter battle that sometimes he loses. But when that little hyakuko would play with his missing finger, boy did he feel less like a monster and more like the human that he is... Not to mention body positive josuke always being there to help him out. Since crazy diamond cant heal himself, josuke has lots of scars and stitches on his body from old stand battles and the sutch, and even if his scars arent disfiguring like keichos, they at least make him feel less alone, and okuyasu just being happy he's alive is always something that makes him feel better.

Overall, the au is centered around the theme of overcoming trauma and abuse much like my other works. In this case keicho is overcoming his old self and the abuse hed once done. And as time goes on, he does grow and evolve, becoming at least a somewhat better person and more understanding of others. Himself? Come on, its keicho. But no matter the hardships, when he sees how okuyasu has grown up and the happy family hes been able to have, and let alone keicho be part of it, its made all the hardships worth it. Disabled people are not a tragedy. Stop treating us like it.

#jjba #jojos bizarre adventure #diamond is unbreakable #jojo no kimyou na bouken #jojo part 4 #josuke higashitaka #jjbaau #nijimurarecovery!#keicho nijimura #okuyasu nijimura

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jenna-of-eluria · 2 months ago

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Speaking of Jude St. Francis and A Little Life:

All the people who hate this book for being incorrectly marketed as a 'gay love story'? Justified. Bury your gays got y'all again, I'm so sorry.

People not expecting or prepared to deal with the level of trauma in Jude's story and DNFing the book and hating it because of that? Sure, you do you babe. Sorry you had to read that, I know it was bad.

People who rail against this book because it's 'trauma porn'/they have a problem with Yanigahara as a person or an author: Ok sweetie, some books are not for you. How'd you even pick this book up in the first place? You simply cannot have run out of Colleen Hoover books yet.

People who hate this book because it's 'unrealistic': Are you alright? First of all I'm pretty sure this book was shelved in 'fiction,' and really that should tell you everything you need to know. I genuinely cannot comprehend this argument at all. It's a novel for crying out loud, not a biography.

This last group of people tend to also say they don't believe that people who are victimized the way Jude was in early childhood would continue to be victimized through adulthood, or that the trauma they've carried with them could significantly effect their personality the way Jude's has been. 'Why isn't he institutionalized?' 'He's a hotshot lawyer who makes zero mistakes, yet his whole life is just one traumatizing event after another, how is that realistic?'

First of all..it's not real life, as I said above - it's a work of fiction. Fantasy, even. Hell these four characters are rich in New York and do whatever they want to. What part of that doesn't absolutely reek of fantasy?

Secondly...do you know how ridiculous you sound asking why someone with severe complex PTSD and other mental health concerns, not to mention chronic illness and disabilities, is not being treated in a long term care facility in the united states??? This is actually a laughable criticism.

I have to think that people are so critical of these things because the book makes them so uncomfortable they just don't really know what to think of it.

As someone who has suffered traumatic experiences throughout my childhood at the hands of friends and family, in early adulthood at the hands of someone I thought was my friend, and as an adult by someone I thought I could trust 100%, Jude's trauma reads to me as only slightly unbelievable/over the top.

I can understand how people who haven't experienced that kind of trauma or even multiple incidents in their lifetime of the same kind of trauma might think it's just 'trauma porn,' or 'unrealistic' and 'impossible,' but really it's not that out there (at least not to me).

Even the fact that Jude is not safe with the one person he thought he would be safe with, and his feelings and actions close to the end of the book, are relatable in the extreme to me.

It's a book, it's a very dark fairy tale. It's not meant to be realistic. And if you don't feel a strong connection to this book I genuinely envy you. It does really fucking trigger me when people shit on it for being 'unrealistic' though.

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vrspecialityclinic · 4 months ago

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What Does an Orthopedist Do? A Guide to Orthopedic Care

Introduction

Have you ever wondered what an orthopedic doctor actually does? Maybe you’ve experienced back pain, joint issues, or a sports injury and thought, “Do I need a specialist?” Orthopedics might sound like a complex field, but at its core, it’s all about keeping you moving comfortably. In this guide, we’ll dive into the purposes of orthopedic care, what an orthopedic doctor does, and how they can help you stay pain-free and active.

Understanding Orthopedic Care: What Are the Purposes?

Orthopedics is the branch of medicine that deals with the musculoskeletal system—the complex network of bones, joints, muscles, tendons, and ligaments that keeps us upright and moving. The main goals of orthopedic care include:

Diagnosis and Treatment: Identifying musculoskeletal problems and determining the most effective treatment.

Pain Relief: Reducing discomfort through various methods, from medication to physical therapy.

Restoration of Function: Helping patients regain their ability to perform daily activities.

Prevention: Offering advice and treatment to prevent future injuries or worsening of conditions.

Whether you're dealing with chronic back pain, a sports-related injury, or joint issues, understanding these purposes can help you appreciate the value of orthopedic care.

Book Your Appointment Now!

What is an Orthopedic Doctor and How Can They Help You?

An orthopedic doctor, or orthopedist, is a medical specialist trained to address issues with the musculoskeletal system. Here’s how they can make a difference in your health:

Diagnosis and Treatment of Musculoskeletal Conditions

Orthopedists use advanced diagnostic tools such as X-rays, MRIs, and CT scans to get a detailed view of your condition. For instance, if you’re experiencing persistent pain, your orthopedist will conduct a thorough examination to identify the underlying issue. They’ll then develop a personalized treatment plan tailored to your needs.

Surgical and Non-Surgical Treatments

Orthopedic treatment often involves a combination of surgical and non-surgical methods. For less severe conditions, non-surgical treatments may include:

Physical Therapy: Designed to improve strength and flexibility.

Medications: To reduce pain and inflammation.

Lifestyle Changes: Such as weight management and exercise adjustments.

For more complex cases, surgical options may be necessary. Some common orthopedic surgeries include:

Arthroscopy: A minimally invasive procedure used to diagnose and treat joint issues.

Arthroplasty: Often referred to as joint replacement surgery, this procedure is used to replace damaged joints with artificial ones.

Orthopedic surgeons, including those specializing in arthroscopic and arthroplasty procedures, can provide significant relief and improvement in quality of life.

Specializations Within Orthopedics

Orthopedists often focus on specific areas, allowing them to provide specialized care. Key specializations include:

Spine and Orthopedic Specialists: These experts focus on issues related to the spine, including chronic back pain and spinal injuries.

Arthroscopic Surgeons: They perform minimally invasive surgeries to treat joint problems with smaller incisions and faster recovery times.

Arthroplasty Surgeons: Specialists in joint replacement surgeries, offering solutions for severe joint damage.

When Should You Consult an Orthopedic Specialist?

Knowing when to seek help from an orthopedic specialist can make a big difference in your recovery. Consider consulting an orthopedist if you experience:

Persistent Pain: Chronic pain that doesn’t improve with rest or medication.

Swelling or Stiffness: Persistent swelling or stiffness in your joints.

Movement Issues: Difficulty moving a limb or joint.

Recent Injury: Any recent injury or trauma to the bones or joints.

If any of these issues sound familiar, it might be time to reach out to a specialist for an evaluation and personalized treatment plan.

Choosing the Right Orthopedic Specialist for Your Needs

Selecting the right orthopedist is crucial for effective treatment. Here’s how to choose:

Research Credentials: Look for an orthopedist with the necessary qualifications and experience. For instance, those recognized as some of the best spine doctors in Chennai can offer specialized care.

Evaluate Specializations: Ensure the specialist’s expertise aligns with your specific condition.

Seek Recommendations: Ask your primary care physician or trusted sources for referrals to reputable orthopedic specialists.

How VR Speciality Clinic Can Help

At VR Speciality Clinic, we pride ourselves on offering exceptional orthopedic care. Our team includes some of the leading spine and orthopedic specialists in Chennai, ready to address your needs with personalized treatment plans.

Whether you need an arthroscopic surgeon for minimally invasive procedures or an arthroplasty surgeon for joint replacement, we have the expertise to help you.

Orthopedic care plays a vital role in maintaining and improving your musculoskeletal health. By understanding what an orthopedist does and when to seek their help, you can take proactive steps toward better health and comfort. If you’re dealing with joint pain, back issues, or other musculoskeletal concerns, VR Speciality Clinic is here to provide expert care tailored to your needs.

Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one of our top specialists and start your journey towards a healthier, pain-free life.

#hospital #orthopedics #spinesurgery #jointreplacement

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chasing-rabbits · 1 year ago

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Long post putting under read more I’m actually doing good and my therapy session was good. But I still sometimes have a lot of thoughts about my trauma and trying to deal with conflicting emotions but I’m hopeful and that’s a beautiful thing when you’ve not seen the light of day in well ever really. There was never a ‘before’ that’s what CPTSD is though, right? Never a before because it starts in childhood that’s what distinguishes it from PTSD & why its considered ‘complex’ anyways I’ll get my after, I feel confident about that now or for at least today those bpd feels right chronically unstable I’ll take this for now at least.

Recovery is an odd thing sometimes it seems better not to because confronting the shit that you tried so hard to bury seems so much more scary and painful and honestly it fucking is. Ever since starting EMDR therapy I have had more intrusive thoughts more panic attacks my CPTSD has been markedly worse and is triggered so much easier but IF I can make it through this there’s a good chance it’ll improve my quality of life so I’ve gotta hurt so much more and purposely put myself back into things so bad that little me locked them away because otherwise it’ll always have control over me and I can’t have a good life living that way. EMDR is so different to any other therapy it’s very different and very odd at first but the more I do it the more I think I’m getting it. A lot of the time I feel like I just want to stop that I’ve got too much else going on too much stress that doing the EMDR is too much to add on top of it. I think I would always feel that way though because half the shit stressing me out is caused by my trauma its circular really. It’s taken a lot for me to realise I’m not the problem that was the hardest thing I think recognising that no matter how I change and contort myself I’ll never do anything ‘right’ because when he gets angry there is no right he just wants to take it out on someone anyone in his sight and for whatever reason he loves to pick me I’m an ‘easy’ target I guess. It’s hard to reconcile that because a parent’s meant to love and it’s hard to not be angry once you have this clarity because now it’s so much simpler I was a verbal punching bag and I have crippling mental health issues because of it. It’s hard not to be angry about that you know. Knowing you’ll have lifelong struggles with mental health because your own father couldn’t just love you and to this day still sometimes will treat me like absolute shit and it’s not just that easy to cut him out for a variety of reasons. You know when I started this post it wasn’t going to be a sad one thinking about my trauma. I was feeling positive about therapy and where it’s going, I’m not sad though just got a lot on my mind like usual after sessions.

Me and my therapist talked about that today about the two good weeks I had before it dipped again and what it’s like to be hopeful. It’s nice that’s what it is. Nice to imagine a life where my CPTSD & BPD could improve where I could feel in control of my life again oh and she says the anger is a positive thing in the sense of the CPTSD like I guess there’s stages you move through when dealing with trauma & being angry is a good thing like not a ‘good’ thing but it’s a good sign I guess with regards to getting better. Anyways Idk what the point of this was mixed feelings I guess?

#erin talks #erin rambles #long post #prsnl #trauma mention #trauma recovery #bpd #cptsd #had a therapy appointment today and had thoughts I needed to get out so idk #mental health #mentally ill #bipolar #eupd #trauma tw

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isthe-protag-cluelesstho · 4 months ago

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Made it back home to my Victorian Fainting Couch and thus am ready to Continue The Ramble:

In this essay I will discuss how Han Yoojin's leg is still fucked up,

Now, I'm only like 200 ish chapters in so please know this is just me vibing at the beginning of The Madness.

But like, Han Yoojin was injured to the point where YEARS later, he still requires a mobility device to move. His leg was FUCKED. Hip/leg/ankle injuries are notorious for complex healing, even when it's a "simple" fracture or strain. Han Yoojin is clearly dealing with a Major Leg Injury in all of the flashbacks (the whole thing is bandaged/relying on crutches/etc)

One of the critical things about leg injuries is you must stay off the leg!!! My dad had a pressure fracture and a double break on one ankle. He was literally not allowed to move/put ANY weight on it for a full 6 weeks. They literally were like "ok only move your toes with your hands, don't even flex your actual foot"

Luckily he listened and is mostly on his way to being healed.

Do you think Han Yoojin was that smart???

Or do you think he decided to blow off any intervention from Han Yoohyun and walked back to his apartment? How soon do you think he ended up back in a dungeon??? Also, he's using a hospital crutch with is NOT suited towards long term use!!! (I know it was likely just cause a hospital crutch is easy to recognize, but from my research there is a risk of further injury if they are used incorrectly. Long term crutches tend to be forearm canes/crutches in either a single or a pair. They have a cuff which helps put the weight onto the arm instead of potentially putting pressure into the armpit which can fuck with blood flow)

SO; we have a character who is using an ill suited mobility aid, who's physical condition is still clearly impacted despite multiple years and likely has multiple other conditions as a result of the Major Incident that caused his injury. Cause once you have one major condition, you usually get at least 2 free! [Muted screaming]

One of the things about a major traumatic injury is that it always takes longer than people realize to fully heal. Oftentimes there's a period post injury where you are Majorly At Risk for reinjury cause the muscle/bone/underlying system is still cleaning up/resettling things. It's genuinely easy to end up with an injury that takes YEARS to heal, and often, even if your recovery goes super well, it's never going to be exactly the same. In response, your body fundementally changes some of the ways it moves/operates/responds. Did you know that in addition to Chronic Pain, PTSD ALSO often can trigger latent autoimmune illnesses? CBT peeps often have to cope with their body's hyper immune system on top of whatever their injuries are AND whatever fuckery their actual minds are doing to cope.

Han Yoojin is a person living through the apocalypse. He has witnessed likely dozens of traumatic deaths, and then had the additional burden of Literally Experiencing Some Of Those Deaths. He works in a job so dangerous, people genuinely get conscripted into slave contracts in order to deal with the "small fry" dungeons. This is just the shit he dealt with as an adult, I'm not even going into His Hellish Childhood.

So, Han Yoojin is a deeply injured man. He is coping with his trauma through his passively suicidal dungeon missions. He has a leg so injured his brother thinks he will be completely unable to manage a dungeon, and then he does it anyway

Walking up and down the stairs is painful for me and both of my legs work. I have an autoimmune illness that says my energy to the point that it often takes me multiple days to recover from a grocery run. And Han Yoojin is fucking clearing dungeons that often kill every single party member he has. He is likely in extreme pain 100% of the time. He likely spends the majority of his Not Dungeon Time fucking flat on the floor of his shitty little apartment. He probably can only eat very basic food, cause another fun part of Constant Pain is the persistent nausea soooooo many people have as a result of 1) the pain itself 2) the meds that are supposed to help the pain 3) both comboing into Super Nausea where you get to try and keep yourself hydrated enough for the meds to work.

So when he comes back, is suddenly 25 again, has his soul shoved back into a body that technically only has experienced 3 years post apocalypse instead of 11, how does he react physically?

That type of injury fully changes a person. It's not something your body can forget. I genuinely feel like people deeply underestimate the physical memory of so much constant chronic pain. I never stop doing my PT exercises. Even on "good days" it's an unconscious action. I have started realizing that I am always massaging my head and neck, if my hands are busy they are attempting to press some of the pressure out of my skull. When I stand in the kitchen, I am always leaning, on my side or my forearms, so I can distribute some of the effort my body expends to be Upright and Moving.

Han Yoojin has had his injury for a significant period of time. Even if it was as brief as a year, Han Yoojin's physical behavior absolutely changed. When he stands on both of his feet, I cannot believe that he expects them to hold his weight. I bet that he has a hand on the table or the wall, constantly. I bet half the reason he is carrying peace all the time is 1) to keep his hands from doing something weird (massaging his leg) 2) keep himself grounded in the "present" 3) because Peace's warmth soothes/distracts him from the "phantom" pain from injuries he got in another timeline. Phantoms limb syndrome is explained by the brain essentially "filling in the blanks", it expects sensation and thus provides it, despite there no longer being nerves to send it. I cannot imagine a man who still carries all the knowledge and pain from a decade of active persistent dungeoneering would be able to forget how that feels, even in a younger, less wounded body.

Han Yoojin lays on the floor all the time. In a number of chapters it's shown he's been there for at least multiple hours, if not an entire day. I know it's something a lot of us relate to. Floor Time is Required for many of us. However, given my head canon, I feel like there's an additional reason. I lay on the floor cause it's an easy gentle way to stretch. It's much easier to rest on the floor sometimes than even flat in bed (at least for me), I don't feel trapped by the soft mattress and I can rest my back. So when I see Han Yoojin on the floor, I see someone who's overdone it, who's back is locked tight from all the carrying and the remembered ache of too many missions. I see someone who is used to being entirely alone coping as best he can with the wear and tear of his life.

Tens unit? Never met her, Physical Therapy Massage? That's overkill, I'll be better tomorrow. What do you mean brace? I can handle the weight. You've got too much other stuff to do, I don't need a sling for my Monster Child to ride to distribute the weight. I may be an F Tanker but I can handle it!

I think Han Yoojin's leg gives out on him first when he's exhausted. I bet when he stands up to go to bed, his knee buckles and Peace has to catch him. I think he absentmindedly stretches his wrists every day and sometimes he'll start looking for his crutch before he remembers he "doesn't need it" any more.

I bet the reason he is always looking for rank increase gear is because it's the only thing that gives him actual relief from the aches and pains. That the addition of even 3 points of strength makes him feel invincible compared to life without it. I bet when he can't sleep, he wears the endurance gear and just goes for a goddamn walk.

I think Han Yoojin's leg is fucked up. It maybe in some small way psychosomatic, but the thing about a psychosomatic symptoms? They show up when you have suppressed your body's warning light for so long, it resorts to breaking shit that isn't the issue, just to maybe get enough attention to solve something it's why "high functioning" depression often comes with physical pain

Hence the enduring need to kidnap and Vault Han Yoojin. Sure, he'll break out, raccoonlike, in 2-3 business days, but it will at minimum reduce his stress SOME amount and he might sleep for longer than 3 hours at a time. Personally, I think Sun Hyunjae should tranq Han Yoojin, then do a whole bunch of exams/MRIs/blood draws while he's under like a visibly injured feral cat. Then The Fam can hide meds in his food and he might actually get better enough to ask for help once in his goddamn life

I swear all of these men are so fucking stupid, I just want them to get realistic medical care THEN get fucked stupid, I'm not even joking

Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,

I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.

Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,

It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more

And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)

So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"

And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,

I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.

And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"

Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?

Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical

#s classes that i raised #tsctir #han yoojin #needs to get put in a medicial coma then a (physical) rehab facility like fucking yesterday #i bet you dollars to donuts he's hiding at least 3 injuries/strains at all times #not even gonna touch those Parental Trauma Issues with a fully grown Blue sized pole #Peace and Chirpie are unironically YJ's therapy & emotional support animals; 1000000% the only critters keeping his mind from shattering #again i ask Where Are My Disabled Protags?Give Me! LET ME HAVE MY VICTORIAN WASTING DISEASE OF A TWINK #... i am going to get my hearing pad now and think about a world where i could wear a magic rock and no longer feel like im being Crushed #till next time - __ -

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