#I think my blog does a not so great job at showing the harder parts of DID becauseeeee Iiiii am reviewing media thats not always accurate

[bunnidid-reviews]

is it frowned upon to wish that one could dissociate or have an alter take over in moments that are awful and stressful? genuine question

Hmmm, this blog is really more intended on reviewing and sharing media about complex dissociative disorders, or could easily be related to CDDs. Certainly not an advice blog for this or anything else > < I think any more general questions about DID can be forwarded to @sundropglass (main blog) if at all, just to stay on topic here.

But since you asked, I may as well share my perspective a little bit. I urge you to read it all.

Of course it's something anyone would want. Shut off and let the stress be taken care of for someone else? go off to fairyland a bit? It's actually an extremely sophisticated way of functioning in the midst of trauma; tuck it away, get through the thing that you might otherwise feel like you're dying from.

But where does that stress go?

Say that you had a very stressful day. Maybe one thing after another kept going wrong. And all day, there was absolutely nothing you could do because you had to carry on with a smile on your face and act like everything's fine, while more dismays pile on top of you. Maybe on top of that, you end up having an argument with a loved one and now you have social anxiety and no sense of safety or relief.

This is not out of the norm. People live very stressful lives all the time. It builds up though, all that stress is piled into your immune system if you don't have any release.(Expressing emotions in a healthy manner) It comes out in the ways that maybe you get ill, or spend all day in the bathroom, or get a migraine. This is what we call the body keeping the score (a book I should read tbh). What the mind doesnt handle(dissociates from), the body will.

This is what people with CDDs regularly go through. Trauma = stress that's beyond your range of coping. Chronic trauma means chronic stress, just stored away in pockets upon pockets where its never dealt with until much later in life. This is why I don't think I know a single system who doesn't have some sort of chronic health issues. The initial trauma may not have killed them, but maybe the health issues that come from all this chronic stress might just finish the job.

This isn't even addressing what the disorder implies mentally.

Look up the symptoms of PTSD, look into personality disorders, attachment disorders, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation. Any trauma-based symptoms could come with a CDD, because there's nearly nothing special at all about DID or OSDD. They're not sectioned off 'incredible' disorders as much as media or people on the internet will imply. We are normal people who have been hurt. A lot.

We have this disorder because no one came to save us, so we had to turn to ourselves, sometimes at an extremely young age. There's no measuring the amount of hurt it takes for a young child to feel this alone.

Going off this ask alone, but because you wish you could dissociate to such the intensity as you're suggesting, tells me that you haven't actually. Daydreaming or spacing out is a very minor case of dissociation, but the level at which you're having alters would imply that you're hoping to dissociate much further than you actually think you want. Do you not want to recognize your own spouse, or be completely unable to be present in the best moments of your life? This doesn't shut off when you're happy again.

Say fine fine fine, yes yes yes to all of this, you could deal, because at least you'd be another person who would bear the responsibility for you.

I hate to tell you this, but that's not how alters work. They are, at the end of the day, still part of you. They don't magically whisk away all this stress they face, they'd still hold onto it, be strongly effected by it, and you're a lot more likely to have the same stress come back over and over again and go unprocessed because of the fragmentation involved.

If it's to ease off some of the responsibility of being yourself, then.. Well that's not what happens with DID either. Those of us with a CDD tend to feel overly responsible for everything around us, actually. It's not the escape you're hoping for.

In a short answer: Yes it is very believable to want this disorder, to want alters. That's understandable even!

But I'm also going to say this is frowned upon. There is a LOT more to these disorders than some spacing out and some cool characters. I hope you can understand a little more why this mentality is frowned upon; no one who has it actually wants it when it comes down to it

BUT i HAVE GOOD NEWS FOR YOU ANON!! Please listen

It's okay to want to be someone else to get through the stress. It's even okay to turn off your brain and space out. These are natural human things. Just.. They don't have to be a disorder. There are some recommendations for coping that aren't hoping to have a CDD, but might suit you if you struggle with this:

Try to analyze your life and see what it is that's causing you so much stress that it makes you want to not exist in such a way. If you're in a bad environment that you can't change, there are still little things you can do to make it better for yourself

Are there things you CAN change? Maybe you can look into getting professional help or finding a new job, or even so much as regularly tidying up the space you're in

Look up coping mechinisms and grounding techniques

Take breaks and let yourself really unwind. Read a book or go outside and look at clouds or something until you feel calm. I promise this feels way better than dissociation

Fun Coping Tools That Feel Like What You Want Out Of Dee Eye Dee:

create a story in your head. If you come up with a world all your own to explore, it feels like having an inner world

Create original characters you can "be". By this I mean be imaginative like when we were all kids. >>Here's a really cool version of what adults can do if 'playing pretend' seems too childish for you<<

Have some staring out a window time. Just let your mind go for a bit

None of this has to be disordered to be helpful, and have nearly the same effect that you're hoping for.

If you are at a point where you want to not exist for suicidal reasons, I really urge you to get some help. There's always someone who wants you to be around, even if thats some time in the future.

[sukirichi]

Hi! I hope you're doing okay. So I just had a thot. And idk what to do with it. So Imma just put it here cause your blog is my new favourite. I'm not even joking. I literally devoured everything related to Tokyo Rev on your blog. So here's my theory. Do correct me if you think I'm wrong Sensei!

Bouten husbands and where they liked to be kissed the most/ or is their weakness. (Ps: it's just my opinion. I mean no offense to anyone.)

Mikey~ Kiss him on his shoulders and he'll cry. Cause he's been bearing all the burden of his dark and decaying world for so long that he doesn't even know that he needs to take a minute for himself and rely on others around him. Especially since most ppl around him are willing to give their life and limbs for Mikey. He just can't seem to keep that in mind. So you've taken it upon yourself to remind him frm time to time. Just a little peck on his strong and broad-ish shoulders to remind him that he's not alone. That if nothing, he has you. He always will.

Rindou~ Something about being kissed on his cheeks, especially by his lover, does things to him. Like his cardiovascular muscles do a little somersault in his chest or something. Because yes, it doesn't matter if he's one of the big, scary and irreplaceable executive of Bouten, he still has an unconscious inferiority complex. Sometimes it just skips his mind that despite everything, he too deserves the world. And every once in a while you need to remind him about it. That he doesn't have to be flashy and snarky like his brother. He just needs to be himself and that he is undeniably worthy of love.

Ran~ Not many people are taller than him, you are no exception. So it makes sense that in order to kiss him you need to be on your tippy toes. And still you're only able to reach his neck. So yeah, just kiss him there. Right on his Adam's apple and he's a goner. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Ran is always the one to take charge. It's kind of in his nature and you happily oblige him. But every now and then, you also need to remind him to take a breather That he can just let go and get dotted over for a change. You're more than happy to take care of him, that he needs to be taken care off.

Koko~ This man not only, brings in the big dough for Bouten, but also beats up people while at it. To say that he's always overworked is an understatement. His hands are always doing something, illegal things most of the time. He knows he's no saint. That there's no coming back into the light. He's painfully aware. But once e intertwine your hands together and kiss him on top of his knuckles, he swears that it's his redemption. You're the only light in his dark and dangerous world.

Kaku-chan~ Please. Just kiss this man on his forehead. Please. He's literally out there, ready to give his life for the things he wants to protect. He's always doing that. Protecting the people that have gone astray, who have no more hope left. He's ready to die for them, if it means they'll keep going. So please, just once, just protect him instead. Protect him from the demons he skillfully hided in his head. Protect him from the nightmares that torment him every night. Just protect him for a change. He needs it more than he's willing to admit.

Sanzu~ Okay. Hear me out. He's deranged and he knows it. He knows he's won't bat an eye before painfully torturing someone to death. Heck he'll even do it with a smile plastered on his face. He knows that he's stained in blood almost all the time.(sometimes his own, most of the other times, not his own). He'll even relish it. He knows that he's been tainted with burden of death. He knows that he lives in the shadows. He's not sane. He's not good. He's bad. He's ugly. You can tell that these awful thoughts keep him awake at night. So when they do and he has this almost painful look on his face. Just pull him close and kiss him on his face, over and over. Kiss his scars, kiss his lips, kiss his nose, his eyes. Just don't stop until he's got your point across. That yes, it's true that he's despicable. But you still love him nonetheless.

Ps: Sorry that was too long and kinds got out of hand. But these are just my "thots". Thank you for hearing me out!~ Thot anon

hi i’m doing okay, thanks for asking n i hope you are too !! also aaah i’m glad to know my blog is your new fave, i hope you enjoy more of my future tokrev content 🥺 ALSO YES ITS HEADCANON TIME LETS GO LETS GO

mikey n shoulder kisses 🥺 i hc that mikey is stiff and rigid all the time without knowing. like you said, he has a lot on his mind and draken even said mikey had a heavy ass cross to bear, so imagine the weight and burdens he has to shoulder 🥺 so if you lean into him for a hug then kiss his shoulders, mikey deflates. to him, its like a reminder he doesn’t have to carry it all by himself all the time and poor bb forgets that often

cheek kisses for rindou 🥺 the idea of this big, bad executive infamous for breaking limbs but is actually a sucker for cheek kisses and turns into a soft lil bean when you cup his face and just smother him with love n affection? bless. rindou probably unknowingly exerts too much effort sometimes to prove something - may it be his strength, his power, or how he’s perfectly capable of fighting by himself - he’ll have that voice at the back of his head that he needs to do something. giving him cheek kisses grounds him and elicits butterflies in his stomach bcos he realizes that, “oh, i don’t have to try so hard. silly me...now more cheek kisses, please.”

ran and neck kisses !! ON THE FLOOR RN, TELL ME MORE. but yes omg i also hc that ran is such a giver and grown up to look for others the way he does for rindou, so in his head, he’s kind of drilled it into himself that he has to be the one in the lead - not necessarily in a mikey way - but in a “he needs to take charge and take his responsibilities seriously” kind of thing. like mikey, ran is probably often deep in thought as well despite his teasing mannerisms, that when you kiss his neck he can’t help but soften. he enjoys being doted on. loves to be the one on the receiving side. has the sweetest smile on his face when he gets a lil ticklish and he just feels like he’s on cloud nine <33

knuckle kisses for koko 😫 everything you said was on point !! his hands are probably so tired from fighting and counting bills all day, not to mention the amount of paperwork he has to do bcos who else will do them ?? no one knows the inner system of koko and how it works as well as koko does, and he wants to do his job right. he gets a little too absorbed in his work, however, that koko gets a little confused when you take his hands away from whatever he’s working on to leave little kisses at the pads of his knuckles, maybe even massaging his hands or playing with his fingers to help him relax a bit. and you know how koko is so good at what he does bcos its all he knows, but at the same he probably hates how he treads on this dark path ?? so when you kiss his knuckles, he feels relieved. like everything will be okay and second chances are real n something he’s worthy of

omg now this is my favorite - kakucho + foreahead kisses. forehead kisses are always so intimate and soothing in a sense. like come here so you can kiss him on the forehead, watch the way his eyes flutter close and a smile tugs at his lips when your lips trail down to his scar, all the while your hands are cupping his face with such tenderness he never really knew of. kakucho is so used to being the tough guy with his rough childhood that it almost feels surreal. surreal that he’s in bed, with you, safe and sound and you’re kissing his forehead so comfortingly he doesn’t have to worry about putting his walls down for a second. he feels safe. he feels at home. but most of all, he knows he’s not alone and he has you - his family

kissing sanzu’s scars 🥺 everything you said was beautiful n i can totally see it happening !! as much as we all know sanzu takes great pleasure and finds entertainment in what he does, it sinks down a little too late. when he’s not high, that’s when he feels the lows. when the blood on his hands are dried, that’s when he realizes it gets harder to wash them off until it stains deep all the way into his soul. then his scars. he sees his scars and remembers how he has to hide them at some point. he stays awake at night and oddly enough, silent and unmoving. and what better way to ease his worries than to pull him close and just to kiss his scars that he thinks are only one of the ways the darkness - the ugliness - of his soul shows through. keep him close and kiss his scars. sanzu may not always be in the right mind to understand your words, but the simple gesture of showing love and acceptance to a part of him that makes him a whole will engrave deep into his heart. leave him butterfly kisses. kiss him from everywhere to his eyes until they flutter close to sleep. kiss his nose adoringly until they scrunch so cutely. kiss his lips until its your taste that overwhelms him. and kiss his scars to remind him his imperfections are accepted and loved

[hamliet]

happy july kate 💖 hope you're doing well. as a long time lurker of your blog, you and your work has slowly highlighted my need to create and work on my creativity, especially when it comes to things i loved to do before such as drawing and writing. ngl it's been hard because ive been comparing myself to other artists and writers. for example i saw someone write this beautiful dragon-pheonix reincarnation fic for their ship. the plot, prose and the way everything intertwined was beautiful (1/?)

(2/?) but i look at myself and can barely muster up the courage to write vecause how could i when there's already people who write and draw that well. a lot of my perfectionism comes from past abuse but the way it's manifesting here is such a pain. therapy has helped in healing but god, im so scared to start. have you ever caught yourself in a similar dilemma?

(3/?) another thing i wanted to ask about is how do you approach incorporating other people's analysis and stuff into your own work? obviously give credit where it's due but im always wondering whether it's worth it to be reiterating the same stuff when someone has already done a comprehensive job of it. i guess an example could be lore related to some kind of show or game.

(4/?) last question but do you ever catch yourself justifying your ship? there's like 50 different reasons you can ship characters,,,, maybe I spend too much on twitter but I feel like I have to justify a lot or at least there's an expectation to do that. it makes it harder for me to enjoy other ships (even the ones i dont care for) because now im expecting others to justify for all the same reasons. perhaps i need a fandom break or need to set better boundaries

lmaosorry for the word vomit in your ask box. it's been bugging me a lot and i didn't know who else to ask this since my friends don't really participate in fandom spaces 😶😶 hope this isn't too much of a bother but thank you for even entertaining my chaotic rambling. have a great weekend 💝

Hi Lurker! Oh, I can relate for sure. I think most writers/artists can.

I'm not sure my advice will be anything you haven't already heard, but I can tell you that by living it I know it's true: write it/draw it anyways. Imperfect, sure. Nothing is perfect, and art is subjective. There are so many needs, and no artpiece can satisfy every soul on this planet.

Do it anyways. Even if it's not perfect. You'll get better and better without even realizing it. You'll have moments where you're like I'M REGRESSING *cries* and then someone will tell you this was their favorite thing ever. Art isn't a static thing you just create and leave alone; it's more like an interactive thing, a living thing even at the risk of sounding super fucking cheesy--because it impacts people in different ways, ways we can't predict when creating it. And the act of creating it will impact you, too.

As for the analysis part, give credit and write it on your own. You learn by writing--sometimes it's fun and you'll realize oh hey, I just uncovered something new as I was writing that I hadn't even thought of!

As for justifying, sometimes? And sometimes not. Less so the older I get, lol, and I don't think it's a great thing ever to feel like you have to morally justify everything from each and every potential dislike. Just accept that other people have different tastes, limits, and preferences--which of course is way easier said than done! Give yourself grace and allow yourself to rant from time to time (privately). Art does affect our emotions, and it's good to express those (just not good to be an asshat about it or judge people for it, but expressing "I don't like this opinion" privately to a friend isn't that).

Twitter is the worst for that, though. Everyone's jockeying to be the Most Moral and Change the World Through Yelling At Others You Don't Even Know on there, and I hate it so much. Even as I, y'know, go on pretty much every day and therefore have no right to complain. I do this to myself. Sue me. I'm human too and def a hypocrite for participating in the Bird Site Madness but oh well.

Wow, that's a tangent. Anyways. We're all just doing the best we can, Lurker. Even if you can't quite bring yourself to start art yet, or to stop comparing, give yourself some grace for that. It doesn't make you a loser and it doesn't mean you never will start. All of us have those moments--moments that seem way longer than they should, I'm afraid.

But you know you want to make something. That's good. You deserve to have your voice heard, to follow what you want. The abilities you want to cultivate deserve time and space to grow. You deserve to make imperfect art because you deserve to be here, because you're alive and life is growing and all people should have their voices heard. <3

[byuntrash101]

PARAPHILIA - Part 3

Pairing: sub!Baekhyun x CEO!Reader

Genre: EstablishedRelationship!AU, slice of life, fluff (a tiny bit), smut

Tags: gentle dom/sub dynamics, sub!Baekhyun, apron, footjob, feet in mouth, praising, cum play

Raiting: +18 (you know me 🤪)

Word count: 3k

Summary: when you come back home from a very tiring day of work, your boyfriend Baekhyun knows exactly how to calm your nerves: with a foot massage.

A/N: This one has a different kind of dynamic since it’s gentle femdom. You see, the girl behing this blog is a switch so I hope you can enjoy this content too. Anyways don’t hesitate to comment or slide into my asks💖💖. - Cat 😽

Tag list:  @lovebuginlove @calamell @bobohumyonlyboo @smolbeanmika @making-me-blush @wooya1224 @yixing-jaehyun @f4ncyvelvet @lalalala-lav @deligxt @xofanfics @byunsugar @dixnysustae @to-all-the-stories-i-love @artisticcgroove @myexoobsession  @geniusloey @blahblahblah-boo

Tell me if you want to be added/removed

PARAPHILIA masterlist | General masterlist 

Paraphilia #3: Podophilia, sexual attraction to feet

W O R S H I P

You massage your temple in small circles as you try your hardest to concentrate on the road, driving your black Mercedes SUV. Today was a really rough day at work.

You were CEO of a startup company that designs programmes protecting video games and preventing hackers to illegally distribute the games. The company is ever growing as the hackers become more and more inventive.

Today you met with Kazuo 'Kaz' Hirai, CEO of the Playstation branch of the Sony Interactive Entertainment group. You had to negotiate a contract to be the company to protect every playstation exclusive game that was to be released in the next five years. Needless to say, a huge deal for you and your company.

"Aishh..." you scoffed as you recalled the cold expression of the japanese middle aged man. That old fart was really stubborn and strong headed. But so were you which made the negotiations rather difficult. After hours and hours of negotiating you finally came to an agreement interesting enough to the both of you, your firm but also Sony.

So yes it was a really rough day. And you were tired... and hungry. Very hungry you thought as you pulled over in the drive away of the modern residence.

Once in the entry you were instantly greeted by the smell of delicious food coming from the kitchen. You didn't even bother taking off your high heeled black pumps and simply directly walked to the dining room.

There you find the table neatly arranged for two. Your boyfriend Baekhyun comes in from the kitchen and instantly jumps when he sees you.

"You scared me! I didn't hear you coming!" he says holding his chest. You puff out a laugh.

He still has the oven mits on, he's wearing a casual pastel green shirt with comfy jeans, topped with a cute blue apron. He's just adorable.

"Sorry I'm so tired I just didn't feel like yelling "i'm home" when I came in"

"I knew it was going to be a tiring day for you so I made you dinner" he came over to you and took off the oven mits then your coat and purse which he placed on the coffee table. He pulled the chair for you.

"That's so gentlemanly of you thank you" you said as you were getting seated. He bowed his head returning your smile before disappearing into the kitchen.

Soon he came back holding the food. Your eyes lit up at the delicious sight and you sat up on your chair. Baekhyun served you and himself then sat just right in front of you.

"Thank you for the food" you said as you leaned in and extended your arm to gently squeeze his hand over the table. He lightly blushes.

"You're welcome" he said before looking down on his chest. "Oops I forgot to take the apron off." he stood up again but you stopped him.

"No keep it on... I think it suits you! It's cute" you smiled at him, he smiled and sat back down.

You proceeded to eat, during the meal Baekhyun kept quiet about your work. He knew it was better to let you eat and enjoy a peaceful evening before actually starting to ask questions. Even though it killed him not to know and he just wanted to bombard you with a thousand questions.

"Aaah... I'm so full" you said rubbing your stomach. Baekhyun cutely smiled at you, his eyes forming crescents that complimented nicely his constellation moles.

"I'm glad you liked it"

"Of course I loved it you're the best cook ever" he was embarrassed at the compliment but flattered anyway.

"Thank you" he then marked a silence and hesitantly asked. "Hmmm... y/n... so how were the negotiations?" finally he asked the question that was burning his lips. You sighed. You would have liked it if he had waited until tomorrow to ask you but on the other hand you understood his curiosity. This contract was a turning point for the company.

"Well... it was... difficult" you said simply. Baekhyun stayed silent only waiting for more details. "Yes... basically I had to cut back on a lot of things I asked... I mean they were the bigger company at the table so I didn't have much negotiation power..." Baekhyun creased his eyebrows, worried. "But I still managed to secure a good deal. So, yes, next week we will officially sign the papers" you said finally. Baekhyun bursted in a loud celebration, which took you by surprise.

"Honey! that's great! you worked so hard for this!"

"Yeah" you said unconvinced... Honestly to you it somehow felt like a small defeat since you had to cut back on so many things but at the same time you had no other choice... "I think I'm just frustrated about how it actually went down, you know?" Baekhyun took your hand in his.

"Honey... the most important thing is that even if the deal isn't the absolute best it's still good for the company and if you do a good job in the course of the next 5 years they will want to work with you again and maybe other big companies will also want to... Next target Nintendo!" He said with a huge smile, gently rubbing your hand with his thumb.

That is something you always loved about Baekhyun. After dating for so long people complain about your significant other not being surprising anymore. When truly it's the best thing about having a relationship. The person staring back at you knows you like you two share the same heart. When your mind is full and you can't seem to put your thoughts into words… you don't have to because they know you. Baekhyun knows you. 

He cheers you on when you're down. Sees the positive when you are tired of restlessly hoping. He's your light. He lights up your path everywhere you go.

He was adorable, staring back at you with dark brown eyes and the cute blue apron. So so cute... that unholy ideas started to form inside your dirty mind.

"You're right" you said looking back at him. Under the table you extended your leg and started to rub your foot on his pants. Baekhyun instantly stiffened, his smile dropped. "If only there was a way that I could relax..." you smirked at him with suggestive eyes.

"M-maybe a f-foot massage?" Baekhyun asked hesitantly, he was such a cutie stuttering like this. It made your heart melt.

"Why not?" you said shrugging, acting casual.

Baekhyun took a step in your direction but you stopped him.

"No!" he stopped in his tracks. Looked him up and down, licking your lips, anticipating what was to come. "Crawl to me" you said, smirking again. Baekhyun's warm smile was nowhere to be seen. Instead, it was replaced by that soft submissive expression that you loved so much.

Without a word he got on all fours and slowly approached you, not breaking the eye contact you had. His face was slightly blushed, mixed with embarrassment and anticipation.

Once he reached you, you gently cupped his cheeks.

"Good boy" you praised him. Then you pushed back your chair and rotated on your butt to face him. You crossed your leg and presented him the foot that was hanging in the air. "Now do your thing"

Baekhyun looked up at you then he placed one hand over the heel of your shoe to support your leg the other hand behind your calf. He laid a soft kiss on your ankle and trailed his way down to stop where the shoe went over your toes. He looked up at you for further instructions.

"Lick it" you said. He didn't hesitate to stick his tongue out and lightly flick it against the shiny leather. A satisfied smile spread on your lips. He kissed the shoe again and you felt him lightly pull on the heel to take it off. You quickly lifted his chin with the pointy tip of the shoe.

"No.. Not yet" he whimpered cutely. He's so impatient. "Stand" you command. He does as he's told. "Now strip but keep the apron" he nods

He slips his hands underneath the blue apron and starts to unbutton his shirt. He then takes off one sleeve then the other one. He drops the pastel shirt to the ground. His toned arms move to mesmerize you. You bite on your bottom lip as he continues the show.

He moves on to unbuckle his belt and peels the denim off his skin. Finally he removes his boxers which he throws to the side.

He's left completely naked apart from the apron, which is tightly hugging him. The thin fabric is letting little to the imagination. You can clearly see his broad shoulders and arms who rest at his side and Baekhyun's pretty pink nipples. You let your eyes go down where you can see your boyfriend's bulge pitching a slightly twitchy tent underneath. You lick your lips thinking he's already so excited for you.

"Kiss me" you said lifting your head up slightly. Baekhyun bent down and linked his lips with yours in a heated and passionate kiss. 

You untangled your fingers in his hairs, lightly pulling on it, which made him cutely whimper into your mouth. You took the opportunity to push your tongue inside his mouth and deepen the kiss, pulling harder on his hair. He let out cute muffled moans. Then finally you let go of him. He was panting, face flushed red and his hair was messy.

"Now you may remove my shoes" you uncrossed your legs and laid both your feet flat on the ground. Baekhyun hurriedly kneeled down and removed both your shoes, setting them neatly on the side. Your feet made contact with the cold tiles of the dining room. But you didn't mind at all.

"Now lick them" you commanded. Baekhyun was ready to lift your feet to his mouth but you stopped him. "No get down there and lick them from the ground" you said sternly.

Baekhyun placed both his palms on the floor and bent his arms until his cheek touched the tiles. His ass was up in the air when he started to lick your toes. The tickling sensation sent goosebumps on your body and you sighed in satisfaction, fully enjoying the power you held over him.

You then slowly lifted your foot to give him access to your soles. He never broke contact with your foot and his face followed as you lifted it, bringing him back in his initial kneeling position. When he could finally lick your sole he didn't wait for a second. He licked your foot from the heel up to the toes. Your soles were his favourite part and you knew it. You smirked when you saw him indulge himself in the moment.

"Suck my toes" you commanded again. He nodded vigorously, tightly grabbing your foot and as he opened his mouth to bring your big toe inside it. He looked back at you and a soft moan escaped your lips feeling his wet mouth around your foot. "Such a good boy" you moaned softly, your breathing getting ever so slightly quicker.

"Enough!" You say before abruptly taking back your foot. You push him on his chest which causes him to fall back on his butt and his palms flat on the tiles. In this position the tent he's pitching is very visible. And you can't wait to finally see it.

You bring your toes underneath the apron around his crotch area and with a flick of the ankle you push back the fabric over the belt.

Finally you lay eyes on his twitching and aching cock. Precum is already seeping from the slit and you can't help but to smile from ear to ear when you finally uncover it.

"Look at this... Aren't we excited?" you asked, bringing your toes to his balls. Baekhyun stiffens.

"Y-yes" he whispers, unable to take off his eyes from your feet. You lightly lift your foot to the base of his shaft and he buckles up his hips, impatient.

"No no... you have to be good, okay? Are you gonna be a good boy for me?" you coo.

"Yes!" he says excitedly, his eyes still on your foot, nearly popping out of their sockets.

"Good boy" you say before wrapping his cock with both feet and starting to pump his swollen dick. Immediately his eyes roll back as he bites his bottom lip. You pick up the pace and Baekhyun looks back at you. You normally don't go this hard right away but he's not complaining. He feels so good from the footjob.

Baekhyun's saliva really lubed up your feet and they glide easily on his precum oozing dick. You continue to harshly jerk his cock with your feet.

"Fuck... Honey... This is... Aaah... so gooddd!!" he says moaning shamelessly in between each word. He sounds so needy and whiny and most of all he looks absolutely delighted with his eyebrows deeply furrowed and his mouth hanging open.

You felt him twitch around your toes and withdraw them immediately before he can spill his juice. Baekhyun let out a disappointed whimper as the pleasure fades away. You can't help but to smirk when you see him squirm.

"Get up" you command him.

You stand up from the chair and flip the table cloth over the dirty dishes, making way for you to sit.

You take your time, taking every single piece of clothing off you, striping sensually for your boyfrined who thickly swallows as you're removing the last piece of fabric.

You set your bottom on the dark wood of the dining table and lean back over on your elbow, your knees together bent back on your chest. Baekhyun stands in front of you, his dark red cock seeping precum and twitching.

You then part your knees slowly, uncovering your glistening pink folds absolutely drenched in your juices. You're feeling incredibly aroused. Baekhyun is in awe in front of such a view. No matter how many times he's seen you, every time he still is breathless.

"Come here baby" you say as you gesture to him to come close. "Now fuck me baby" you murmur in a sultry tone.

Baekhyun can't believe his ears. Rare are the occasions when you let him fuck you. Most of the time you are on top and in control. But today he's been such a good boy you exceptionally let him be on top.

He doesn't take one more second to align himself with your lonely and aching center. Slowly he pushes himself inside you. The slip is easy as your juices coat even your inner thighs. You gasp delightfully at the sensation of him gently stretching you open.

"Fuck... Y/n...Aaaah" Baekhyun lets out a high pitched moan that wakes up the butterflies in your stomach. You love to hear his struggling moans.

"Fuck me faster" you command your boyfriend who has his eyes tight shut, trying his hardest not to bust right away.

He takes a bruising grip on your fleshy thighs and gradually he picks up the pace, waves of heat and pleasure wash over your entire body as you shamelessly moan while Baekhyun makes your breasts jump with each thrust.

"Tell me how good this feels baby" you tell him, craving more of his high pitched and needy voice. Baekhyun whimpers before answering.

"Aaah... Your pussy feels so good" he says before letting go of one of your thighs to bring your foot to his face. He buried his nose in your sole. "Fuck... aaaah... Honey" he sounds pleading, so submissive despite the fact that he's the one over you roughly pounding into you.

He gasps when he feels your walls tightening around him. He takes one of your toes in his mouth. He makes you feel so good, the way he doesn't restrain his thrusts has you gasping each time his tip kisses your cervix. Your moans and his mix in a beautiful symphony that resonates in the empty dining room.

"Baekhyun don't stop I'm gonna cum" You moan as you extend your hand to bring a little attention to your clit. With two fingers your circle your swollen and needy bud. The pleasure rises again and beads of sweat roll in between your bouncing tits.

"Fuckk... I'm cumming too" he says in one breathy moan, your toes hanging on his lips.

"Aaaah yes baby" you moan finally letting go of the knot in your stomach. Your pussy tightly clenching around Baekhyun's cock, milking it to the last drop of cum.

Baekhyun then pulls out to spread the last streams of cum on your feet, which you bring in front of his pulsing cock and point out. You feel the hot liquid coat your toes and your ankles as Baekhyun cusses and moans loudly.

He then staggers to one of the chairs and crashes on it. His cock still pulsing in his fist, chest heaving and glistening with sweat.

You look at him straight in the eyes when you bring your feet to your mouth and lick them clean. The bitter and sweet taste of Baekhyun's cum fills your mouth. You close your eyes fully enjoying it, moaning against your toes on your lips. Baekhyun looks at you being this naughty with an evil glint in the eye.

"Baby you taste so good" you whisper. Baekhyun smiles, still panting and exhausted.

"Does that mean I'll get to be on top more often?" he asks.

"Hmmm..." you bring your finger to scratch your chin, fainting to think deeply.

"No" you say with a smile. You're already off in the staircase laughing when Baekhyun grumbles and pouts cutely protesting.

PARAPHILIA masterlist | General masterlist  

[mxvladdy]

I can't stress enough 'wows' in tve way you write along with the fact that it's you first few posts (i think? Pls correct me) can you do luci mammon and satan with a reader who takes naps bc of overthinking? They just tug their sleeves and shot them a tired look, while looking down shying away. Also, have a nice day and take the time to be yourself!

Aw thanks fam! I am fairly new to posting my works, I tried twice before this with two different writing blogs but I deleted them both bc I felt discouraged. I’m older now and I feel a lot better about my writing, so third time the charm and all that lol! I’m so glad you like my writing! I know I need some work on grammar and expanding my vocabulary.  

This was a super cute prompt ;.; I hope I did it justice!

Lucifer

He is a mix of jealous and pissed. He wishes he could fall asleep so easily when he gets inundated with too many things at once. But also- just don’t do that? Where were your manners?

He starts noticing your little peculiarity in class. Specifically that you tend to nod off in advance alchemy and rune scripting. You were being so studious, jotting down notes, ask great questions. Next thing he knows you're out like a light.

He is shocked for a moment before he will wake you up. Your wide doe-eyed frown does nothing to him. JK his hearts clench at your wounded look.

He makes the other brothers report to him about your behavior and odd sleep habit. Were you ill? Was this just something humans did? Devils, was Belphie rubbing off on you?

They all say the same thing. One moment you are working hard or talking to them about a topic you are passionate about, and the next you are yawning hard enough to pop your jaw and shyly asking to lay down.

Well-he can’t have that.

If you are going to fall asleep around anyone it’s going to be him.

He sets up remedial lessons with you after dinner to make up for the work slept through. You sit by him at his long ornate desk while he tutors you on what you missed.

You weren't having any problems,  you even finished a few pages. He is proud and then-

“I can almost hear those gears slowing my dear.” Lucifer interrupts himself mid-explanation of Zosimos of Panopolis and Maria the Prophetess's theories of alchemy in human medicine.

You jerk awake and turn to him blinking owlishly. "Yeah, I just need to lay down." You admit.

Lucifer eyes you critically. This was sudden, were you ill? You had been fine moments ago, bright-eyed and enthusiastic. He cups your face, turning it from side to side. "So suddenly? We haven't even discussed the properties of mercury yet." You hum letting your eyes droop. He was always so warm.

"Hour nap break? Please?" His stern gaze softens at how your nose scrunches up cutely as you yawn.

“Very well.” He relents letting you slick over to his couch. You flop over face first with a grunt of satisfaction. You toss and turn for a while, moving his pillows around unsatisfied.

“Luci-” You call in defeat. He ignores you at first. If you wanted to nap fine, he would get some work done in the meantime. “Luci~” You say again. You could see his brow twitching. “Lu-”

“My dear,” He shoots you a withering look. “You are treading a thin line. If you have the energy to call for me you have the energy to study.” You say nothing at his brisk tone, instead of opening your arms to him to join you. “You tempt me.” He purrs hiding his smile behind his paperwork.

“Learned from the best.” Lucifer shakes his head laughing at your smug reply. He glances over you to his grandfather clock. Hmmm-perhaps he could spare a few minutes. He rises elegantly discarding his tie and waistcoat to his abandoned chair. Running a hand through his hair he snorts at your little whistle.

“Move.” He commands. You shake your head patting your belly. “I will crush you.” He laughs but lays over you regardless.

“Good-you’re warm.” You say muffled in his shirt. Wrapping your arms around his middle you drift off. Lucifer holds you close, running a still gloved hand up and down your side. Perhaps he should bring out some more complex topics next time. If this was the outcome-

Mammon

He noticed you get drowsy before in class. Your cute little head jerks as you nod off, hands rubbing at your face as you fight to stay awake before giving in to the need to sleep. It was adorable- not that he was watching you because of that! He was just doing his job of looking out for you

Ye-that was all.

Honestly, he thought you were just like him. He never cared for the books being forced on him in class. Boring useless crap in his opinion. He much rather sleep through a lecture on stats too.

Now books on photography? That's where it's at. He has a legitimate passion for it.

He likes being behind the camera just as much as he likes being in front of it. Though he doesn't snap photos often.

He doesn't need more beratement from his brothers than he already gets. Sides, he just feels like they would look down at this like everything else he does.

He'll share his hobby with you though. You at least seem interested in it. He'll show you his collection of vintage to high-tech cameras and talk your ear off about the makes, models, and features.

You nod along and ask questions from time to time, smiling along with Mammon while he prattles on about color theory next to you on the floor.

He was just getting to Auguste Lumiére when he feels a gentle bump on his shoulder.

"O-oi!" Mammon starts, shaking his shoulder to rouse you. You look up at him, blinking the sleep from your eyes. "Was...was I that boring?" He deflates a little, all previous excitement gone in a flash. You had seemed so interested...

"What? Oh, no. No Mammon I'm sorry. It's really all fascinating," You grab for his sleeve so he couldn't run away. "It was just a lot of information all at once. I just got a bit overwhelmed."

"So you fall asleep?" He raises a brow not believing you for a second. Who falls asleep when something is interesting? He'll admit he's fallen asleep while listening to Levi talk about a new anime or Asmo with a make-up release.  But that's because it had been boring. "Is that like a human thing?"

You shrug snuggling closer. "I don't know- but it's a me thing. Give me five? I'd love to hear you talk more about your collection, promise."

Mammon glows scarlet at your words. "Of course you do!" He puffs out his chest excitedly. “I got great taste.” You nod into his shirt before drifting off again. He tilts his head slightly to look at you chuckling internally when your breathing and heartbeat slow down. Damn, out in seconds. Well, better get comfortable.

Uncrossing his long legs he picks up the camera he had been showing you. The old Polaroid lens reflects his face back at him. He remembered the day Land had debuted this marvel of engineering. He just had had to get his hands on one. It was useless now, he had much better quality cameras than this old thing, but he remembered you reminiscing about your human friends and their portable camera. Would you take some pictures with him too? He would take one now, but the sound of the flash would definitely wake you up.

He fiddles with it for a few more minutes, opening and closing the film canister and checking for any parts that needed fixing as he waits. You stir at his side a few minutes later with a little mew of satisfaction. Mammon hears your joints creak and pop as you stretch. "Morning." He says sarcastically, earning himself a light punch to his shoulder. "Ready to continue?"

You nod eagerly, perky and aware. At least for the moment.

Satan

He didn't really notice at first the pattern of your behavior.

You would come over for book club. Which was really just him reading his current novel and you picking something at random to gain a little random knowledge.

You would find a comfortable position on his bed, curl up nice and small and read. Then after a bit yawn and start to snooze.

He first thought it was the atmosphere of his room. It was quiet, warm, and the sound of flickering candles and the rustle of paper sometimes caused him to doze too.

But when it starts happening outside of class he notices.

Hmmm….this is new.

He looks it up in his human anatomy books and finds nothing.

He's not particularly worried about you per se. You always bounce back quickly after a quick snooze.

Then you start dozing when he is talking… >:(

Like his brother/dad he is a little miffed at first but then your behavior reminds him a cat and he loves you 10x harder now

Satan stops in his pacing of the back gardens. His book of poetry hanging limply in his hand. He had been reciting some of the most fascinating lines of work from Lord Byron's later works and wanted a human's perspective. He had thought you were interested. You never complained before when he asked you out here. Perhaps you were just being polite all those times before. Anything to soothe wrath. He snaps his book shut sharply, take some perverse satisfaction in the way you start out of your light sleep at the noise.

"Why'd you stop?" You ask wiping at your face.

"No point talking to someone that doesn't wish to listen." He snaps tersely.

"Oh-Satan, no I was listening. It...it just got to be so much so fast." You flush. “You had some great points going, I just needed a minute.” He watches your eyes grow heavy again, and it dawns on him.

"Do you just sleep when overwhelmed?" He asks incredulously. In all his years with humans, this was new. You shrug making grabby hands for him to move closer. He scoffs but moves into your space. You grab at the hem of his shirt and pull him down to sit next to you. He goes willingly getting comfortable by your side. You eye his lap longingly, hands clutching around his coat sleeve. “Fine-” He rolls his eyes. “Come here you odd thing.” You smile in triumph and crawl into his lap. Once settled you nuzzle into his warm chest.

“Wake me up in ten? I want to hear more about your conversations with Byron.”

“I’ll hold you to it.” He kisses the top of your forehead, opening his book to read again with one hand. You hum at his soft kiss, returning it sleepily with one of your own before passing out again. Ten minutes go by in an instant and Satan looks down at your peaceful face. He smiles to himself, perhaps he’ll let you sleep for a little while longer. You’d need it for his next point.  

[atalana]

[copied over from my cr blog, also this is gonna get long, i’d apologise but im not sorry]

okay, so

this is a rant probably about 7 years in the making, bc when i first watched lok i had not done any music study, i had not done any composing of my own, my knowledge of music theory was at a primary school level and i still thought tv soundtracks were just made by one person composing a whole cache of music and then the audio editors pick and choose what track to place where

(spoiler alert that’s not how film and tv scoring works, i have now done a music composition course where we had to score a short film, among other things, and i have so much more respect for tv composers jesus christ)

but this one stuck out to me even way back then, bc me barely knowing what a leitmotif was was like “hey this one little refrain keeps popping up whenever bolin does lavabending, and i like it, i’m gonna see if it’s on the soundtrack”

it was not, and that’s sort of where i left it back in 2014, but i actually did a rewatch of lok pretty recently out of nostalgia, and then noticed it even more

and to explain why (and this is also a little bit why five’s stuck out to me in tua, i’ll get to that in another ask), let’s cover, leitmotifs, and tv scoring in general

so a leitmotif is basically just a short musical idea that represents something in a piece of music. when i studied motivic development we were encouraged to make that motif four notes or less, and then develop it into something longer (aka a theme), because if you can constantly come back to a really short idea while keeping the piece moving, that’s what makes a piece of music memorable

(you can ignore those rules on purpose but that’s a different essay)

so the most common way that a leitmotif shows up in soundtracks is to represent a character or a location - you play the motif when that character shows up or when you’re in that location and boom, the audience associates that motif with that person place or thing, and you can then use this to tell the audience things without actually telling them. for example, star wars playing the imperial march whenever someone does something darth vader related - darth vader isn’t on screen, but you can feel his presence, because his music is playing

and if we were a film score, where we have two hours to show one particular character’s development, great! we give them a simple motif, and then as they grow as a person we change their motif to reflect what is happening to them, until we end up with something that communicates on a subconscious level how much they’ve grown. we toss in as much symbolism as we can, and we have a really great soundtrack that’s instantly memorable

tv scoring, is harder. partially because of time constraints (have you ever composed half an hour of original music a week, and had to make sure it fits perfectly with every beat of what’s happening on screen? these guys have), partially because there’s a much larger focus on ensemble casts

so what atla and lok do, for the most part, is not score individual character motifs for everyone. this is fairly common in tv soundtracks, instead we score ideas, concepts, and feelings - these’ll come up a lot more and give you more information than just “oh hey this character’s on screen”

the avatar state, for example, has the strongest and most recognisable theme across both shows. i’m linking an atla track in here because it has the best example but you’ll know this shows up with korra too - and with particularly important moments for wan, for kyoshi, etc. they also appear in the opening of both shows, four strong notes that start and end on the same note (in the case of what i’m linking, it’s an F#)

the first part of this track is the more uncertain, pensive theme that comes up when both avatars are feeling doubt/worry/sadness, but then it transitions into the more recognisable four. worth noting though, those are both basically the same motif. if i write them out back to back, you’ll notice they both have four notes and start and end on F#. if i had to guess, four notes four elements, and it comes back to the start because the avatar is a cycle.

korra has a theme for when she’s fighting, but not an individual character theme. the airbenders as a concept have a theme, republic city has thematic instruments, as do some big name characters, like iroh and his tsungi horn (this is also a cross-series thing, he’s always playing it in atla, it shows up when zuko has to make big moral decisions, and when we first meet iroh in the spirit world in lok, it shows up there too, to let the audience know who this is before we properly see him)

so, if korra doesn’t get a single theme and instead has several for different aspects of her life, and mako and asami follow along with the mood of the story like all the other characters, the fact that bolin has a personal leitmotif at all, let alone a solid, developing one, is pretty remarkable!

now, granted, it mostly starts with book 3, before then he was like every other character, but it has clear symbolism through those last two books! and, initially i thought it was related only to his lavabending, since that’s most of when it shows up, but since my rewatch, i’ve started calling it his hero theme

see, when people wanna criticise mako and bolin, usually the comments they get are that bolin’s too immature and mako’s too serious/uptight. but like, that’s how they work, you can’t analyse either of them without the context of the other. since they were little kids on the streets, bolin chases his heart and mako makes sure they don’t die from it, that is their entire childhood. and neither would have got here on their own because mako wouldn’t take the necessary risks and bolin wouldn’t take the necessary precautions. (like. remove either one from the equation and they’d still be working for the triple threats bc s1 and their flashback miniseries make pretty clear that bolin got them out and mako kept them out)

and then book 2 proves it! because it splits team avatar up, and what happens? bolin is totally taken advantage of by varrick and used as a pawn in his evil plan and mako ends up in jail

so what’s book 3, to them? it’s, being able to find themselves without having that codependency. mako no longer has someone to protect, which is what he’s based his whole life around so far - bolin’s doing fine and he’s no longer dating either korra or asami. and bolin’s trying his hand at some of that responsibility (look at how he immediately adopts kai who is explicitly them but younger because he wants to be the older brother for once). most importantly, they find the rest of their family, and stop being defined by being orphans. they don’t have to be that singular piece of a puzzle, they can just be themselves. and that’s where bolin’s character really starts to shine, because that’s when they bring in the bending plot, and bending, perhaps more than any other character, really gets to the heart of who bolin is

if you want more of my thoughts on that i have an essay here, but tl;dr: bolin’s an extremely powerful earthbender, but he’s not a metalbender because metalbending requires you to double down on the earth characteristics and think like an earthbender, and bolin doesn’t, he’s too fluid for that, which is one of his major strengths, so of course he can lavabend

and finally - to his motif itself! (as a note, i’ve put all of these in the same key to show where it repeats, but there’s a variety of keys used in the show)

as far as i can find, it first shows up in s3e8, when bolin stuns p���li with this well placed shot

[Edit: it first showed up in the s2 finale, but again in a simplified version and again with him doing something heroic with earthbending, so we can still start the analysis here]

mako volunteers bolin for that job, because he knew bolin was capable of it. why? because bolin landed an identical shot earlier in the episode, after trying to metalbend, getting frustrated he can’t, and cheating with some extremely well aimed earthbending. it’s just a short refrain and you barely notice it, but it’s the first connection of this motif with the theme of bolin’s bending

it looks like this, and it’s always played on a trumpet, which is part of why i call it the hero theme, because, if you’re looking at music from a western perspective, trumpets were used to herald kings, and then used to represent military glory, and then when superhero themes started happening, they used trumpets too - it’s basically western music shorthand for hero these days

(it’s also symmetrical so that helps with the good vibes)

and he’s saving everyone here, so it’s linked to his bending, but it’s also linked to his heroism

it ties the two together, and they are tied together.

when’s the next time it shows up? episode 10, when the brothers are in prison in ba sing se, and bolin tries to metalbend them out. again, he’s doing this to save people, and this motif gets a few notes added on to the end in a raising pattern - they’re inspiring, but they don’t go anywhere. which is exactly what happens in the scene, because he’s trying to go about this in the wrong way. mako believes in him, but it won’t (and doesn’t) work

it appears in episode 12 when bolin saves everyone from ghazan destroying the temple, in a more fancy orchestral remake of the first version - it’s impressive, but it hasn’t actually developed yet, it’s just his discovery of it

the book 3 finale already has its own fucking amazing soundtrack, i love that entire episode’s score, but it gets its own moment there too, and the first real development!

because what we hear is not what we’ve heard before. we know it’s the same theme, because it’s using those signature trumpets, but it’s the second part of this phrase, the answer to the question supplied by the first one. why? because bolin’s figured out who he is and he’s starting to use it. it still hasn’t settled yet though, it’s early days and he’s still just turning ghazan’s lava back on him, so again, it raises, leaving it on a question mark

it doesn’t appear in s4e7 when he lavabends as a warning against the escaped prisoners, because he’s using it as a threat, not to help people. but it does later in the episode when he uses lavabending to save them from kuvira. and that’s when we get the first full phrase, question and answer

it keeps the first motif identical, takes out the first note of the second, and ties them together - except now it’s not open ended, now it knows where it’s going - it’s been three years, at this point bolin is confident in both himself and his bending

and then that phrase appears all over the place in the finale, because all bolin does is save people - everyone from the exploding building, he slows the giant mecha with lavabending, he saves opal, he slows the giant mecha again by collapsing a building on it, and most importantly, he’s the one rescuing his brother this time, instead of the other way around (though that one doesn’t get a motif appearance bc admittedly a fuck ton of other things are happening in the soundtrack at the time)

so to that question asked in book three - who is bolin when not next to someone else? well, funnily enough, we saw it in book two as well, just in a warped way, playing nuktuk. it just wasn’t truly him because it was created by varrick, and he needed to get away from varrick too. the question put forward by the narrative is who is bolin, and the answer given by the music is, he is a hero. and i don’t know why bolin is the only one to get a theme like this, but i think it may have something to do with the fact that, while everyone in team avatar has been a hero and saved people, he is the only one who has, from the start, solely been motivated by wanting to help people. he follows his heart, and his heart cares, about everyone. it’s been the driving force behind almost everything he’s ever done. and i love him so much

[obeiii-mee]

Hello! I love your blog! If requests are still open, can you do HCs for the brothers reacting to an MC who views the brothers as their family, and so does a lot of affectionate touches(random headpats and hugs) and do random kind thibgs for all the brothers? Like how jealous they would be and how they would learn to cope with it because MC cares about their family as much as they do?

Hi! Sorry I took so long to make this. I haven’t checked my inbox in a while so apologies! Just to make it clear, you wanted some HCs with MC treating the brothers as family? If this is not what you asked for, feel free to request it again and I’ll make another one. I hope you don’t mind I made MC gender neutral!

I think I got a bit carried away by this, made it a bit angsty but in the end, the brothers all consider their favourite human as part of their family.

Thanks for the request! I love writing soft HCs for the brothers~~ Also this is pretty much platonic because I just needed to write something sweet.

————————————-

The Brothers with an MC who treats them like family:

Lucifer:

-The eldest brother certainly didn’t expect this

-He was pretty sure you would have a hard time adjusting in DevilDom, the place not a really fit place for humans

-But apparently, this little exchange student fitted in his family like a missing puzzle piece

-His pride took some damage because you were doing a much better job at taming his brothers than he could apparently

-In less than a week, you had Mammon waiting at your beck and call (without even having to use your pact with him)

-Levi quickly got attached to you when he realised you were interested in his hobbies (even after the whole quiz attack incident) and he required your presence pretty often

-You started bringing Beel snacks whenever you guys went somewhere and now he refuses to leave your side

-Asmo fucking adored you from the beginning and appreciated how sweet you were to him despite his flirty nature, generally happy you would go shopping with him and all that

-Satan and Belphie took a while to warm up to you, but Satan would now come talk to you as often as possible and recommend you books, help you study etc..

-As for Belphie, he tried distancing himself after the whole ‘choking you to death’ incident a while back. But he couldn’t resist how nice you were to him and how you would sing him to sleep whenever he had his nightmares

-You’ve made your way into his brothers’ hearts, somehow.

-And, though he wouldn’t like to admit it, maybe in his too

-You’ve been very affectionate toward all the brothers, giving them head pats and words of encouragement

-You were the one always telling Lucifer to go to bed already because he was working himself too much

-A fragile human scolding an over 1000 year old demon was quite amusing to him but he was also very touched

-He often insisted you wouldn’t baby him, his pride kicking in, but you’d always laugh and patted his hair in a tender manner

-It took a while for him to come to terms with the fact that a human of all things, actually cared about his family as much as he did

-He even admired you for a while, such a breakable creature giving away gifts and hugs to demons that could kill them in seconds

-You has brightened up their day more than they had ever imagined you would and in a way he was grateful

-He was grateful to you for not getting intimidated by him and for standing your ground

-He was so relieved to finally have someone who wanted to listen to him and show him the care he’s been longing for

-You could always tell when he needed something, whether it’d be affection or just some words of encouragement

-His already big ass family just obtained another member and he wasn’t exactly complaining, since his fondness for you just increased with each passing day

-Just know that doesn’t mean he will tolerate you and his brothers teaming up to do something stupid

Mammon:

-It’s like his brain short circuited or something

-Why are you patting his head???

-WHY ARE YOU HUGGING THE GREAT MAMMON?? YOU CAN’T DO THAT-

-“I heard Levi calling you a scum earlier and I thought I would give you a hug to make you feel better.”

-......

-He’s so damn confused. And flustered. But mostly confused

-I mean, he’s a demon for the love of Lord Diavolo, he doesn’t need some human to comfort him

-But at the same time he can’t refuse you, like at all

-Who are we kidding, he really loves how you cheer him up whenever he’s sad or how you randomly start giving him gifts

-At first, he really thought you were messing with him, playing some sick prank on him or being fake with him

-But after a while, he realises that everything you do for him and his brothers is genuine

-Even if you just like him platonically, he will want your focus to be on him all they time

-He notices how you give his brothers the same kind of attention and he’s very slightly jealous

-He really loves his siblings but why should you be so kind to them?

-He doesn’t understand how you can treat everyone so nicely or why

-I mean, do any of them (him included) really deserve all the hugs and head pats you give them? What about the gifts you go to the trouble of buying?

-Mammon really wishes you were part of his family. He really wishes he had someone like you to counter all the aggressive remarks he gets from his brothers every day

-He figures you’re naive at first, the way you care for his brothers and him almost blindly. It reassured him because he wants the best for them too but you don’t need to be the one making sure they are happy

-You’re always insisting to help them whenever you can and he never once heard you say a bad word directed at any of them, even if you had the right to for all the shit they put you through

-You were precious to his family

-Ironically, an angel in that house of demons

-He’s forever going to be in your debt for everything you’ve done for his family and for all the support you’ve offered him when he had nonde

-He’s never trusted someone as much as he trusts you

Levi:

-Stupid normie, trying to trick him with their obvious traps. Do they really think he’s that gullible?

-For a good few weeks, he’s completely determined to believe that you are annoying and invading his privacy and not actually interested in what he likes because why would you want to spend time with him??

-That sentiment becomes harder and harder to hold as time flies by

-You’re the only person he knows willing to listen attentively to him whenever he starts ranting about his video games/anime

-Even if you’re not the most cultured about his hobbies, you are always willing to learn for his sake

-You’ve looked after him during your stay in DevilDom, made sure he took breaks from his computer and insisted he ate

-You began hugging him and patting his head whenever he started talking badly about himself

-He didn’t realise how much he needed someone to do all this for him, how much he yearned for this kind of affection

-The few times he left his room, he became aware of how much you cared for his brothers as well

-Hey you can’t just do that! They are his brothers y’know, he should be the one looking out for them!

-Except, he knows he never really did. Which is understandable, they’re all very powerful demons, they don’t need anyone looking out for them

-It made him feel weird, the way you showed your affection for them

-Maybe you really are just a nice person in general

-Maybe you really want the best for him and his brothers

-Damn it, join his family already! Life would be a hell of a lot more tolerable if you were nearby more often

-He often feels bad, with how much you run around for them

-You really are his Henry to his Lord of Shadows

-He’s a bit envious of how you manage to get along with all of his brothers when he struggles to do so but he’s in so much awe of you

-You were the only reason he came out of his room at times, just to make sure you were safe and alright

-He shouldn’t worry about you, but he does

-He worries about you the same way he does about losing his anymore of his siblings

-Please show him that you really care about his opinions and interests, he needs someone to validate his feelings

Satan:

-You really are something else, aren’t you?

-He’s met a lot of humans over the years, learned how sociable and affectionate their kind can be but none of them could compare with you

-Your whole existence could be wiped away in the blink of an eye and yet you’re completely unaffected by this

-You prance around the House of Lamentation as if it isn’t inhabited by seven deadly demons, showing your kindness in the oddest way possible

-Head pats? Why? What’s the point of them?

-You do realise you’re hugging a demon now right? Are all humans this courageous or is it just you?

-Satan really tried not to think much of you at first

-I mean, you were just a lowly human

-Someone he could theoretically use to annoy Lucifer but that’s it

-The more time passes, the more he became aware of how intrigued he is by you

-He’s watched you talk down Mammon from doing his stupid schemes more than once, for example

-He’s seen you offer to go with Asmo shopping several times even if he was being a drama queen, like usual, just for the sake of hanging out

-And then, he noticed that you were treating him with the same caring nature

-Coming to him for book recommendations and giving some back, spending time in his room just to have a cosy chat with him about anything that came to mind

-You went along with his plans to irritate Lucifer and though you often protested, he could sense it was out of concern for both him and his brother

-He’s never had someone treat him so genuinely before, his brothers and everyone else basically walking on eggshells around him as if he were a ticking bomb

-You were just a human, but his family didn’t deserve you at all

-He envied how patient you were, even more than him at times, while still standing firm when you needed to be

-Not that he cares (he does he’s just being rebellious) but he knows even Lucifer has warmed up to you

-You always put yourself at risk by volunteering to calm him down whenever he had his fits of rage which he never understood

-He...he really needed someone like you by his side, huh?

-He likes talking to you, he likes it whenever you hug him and gift him your favourite books from the human world which he will definitely read, he loves how you stand up for any of his brothers when the need arises

-You really are something else, aren’t you?

Asmo:

-You’ve has him wrapped around your finger the moment you arrived

-He could tell from a mile away how pure and genuine you were

-He often wondered what sort of dirty secrets a person as angelic as you kept? He’s the Avatar of Lust, he can’t help it y’know

-But he’s kept most of his questions to himself, besides some much needed subtle flirting which is part of his character

-For some reason, he can’t bring himself to try and seduce you. He probably could but he never really tried

-Like Mammon, would probably want a lot of your attention too

-You can’t just give his brothers hugs and praises and ignore him! He’s the prettiest demon you will ever meet and you’re going to leave him unattended??

-Of course, he cherishes the moments where he does have you to himself, where he can talk to you and trade skin lotions and perfumes

-Solomon is special for sure, but you are very different in your own way too

-He was always so pleasantly surprised, the way you brought out the best out his brothers and himself

-You were willing to listen to him being melodramatic and never once lost interest

-I think he knew

-I think he knew you could see right through him when he talked about how he’s the most gorgeous being in all three realms

-I think he knew you could see his insecurities but you never brought it up, for his sake

-You were always there to give out hugs whenever he was upset and forever handing him gifts you just knew he’d like

-He flirted with you, but you never minded and never scoffed at him, instead giggling away and shooting some one liners back

-He wanted to get along with his brothers the same way you did

-Perhaps he’s more lucky than he originally thought, having someone like you live with him for the foreseeable future

-You treated him with respect and never ending kindness

-You treated him like family

-And you’ve shown how soft-hearted you are for his brothers too which he appreciates more than he lets on

-Yeah, he truly is lucky to have such a delightful human living with them

Beel:

-You are honestly a human right?

-You’re not angel in disguise are you?????

-You’re definitely a trustworthy and patient person aren’t you?

-Your tolerance for his brothers alone is proof of that

-You didn’t snap at him after he sneakily stole some food from your plate during dinner, chuckling his gluttony away and instead asking if he wanted more

-Whenever you were in charge of making food, he started realising that you were intentionally making more for him, knowing how hungry he gets

-You bring snacks whenever you hang out with him, patting his head and giving him hugs, something he doesn’t often receive, even from his brothers

-Words can’t even describe the amount of joy he feels whenever he sees you supporting his siblings and looking out for them during chaotic situations

-Like that time Belphie fell asleep on the couch and you carried him all the way upstairs to their room before tucking him in and letting him sleep

-He knows you’re just a human but he feels so reassured to know there’s someone there that cares about his family as much as he does

-His brothers have treated you awfully many times before but you never caved in, never once gave up on them and he had no choice but to think you’re divine

-He doesn’t get jealous of how easily you communicate with his brothers

-If anything, he’s glad to have you there whenever fights break out between them

-When you first came to DevilDom, he really just thought of eating you right there and then

-But now, he can’t even consider the idea

-He would never let anything happen to you, someone he and his brothers view you as part of their family

-You actually make him feel satisfied, in a weird way

-He’s never lonely anymore, because he’s got you and Belphie with him

-His brothers may believe he only thinks about food but he would be willing to go the Celestial Realm and back for his siblings and you

-Give him physical affection, assure him his choices have meaning to them and make sure he knows that his efforts are valuable.

-Talk him about his guilt, be the shoulder he can cry on whenever he talks about his sister and remind him that he still has his brothers and you

-But most importantly, give him some snacks to share with you and Belphie

Belphie:

-He wants to hate you, no, he needs to hate you

-All humans are worthless, heartless, stupid, naive creatures that deserved all the suffering and despair he could cast onto them

-He convinced himself of that, he convinced himself humans are more deranged than demons

-You were no exception

-It doesn’t matter what his siblings think of you, it doesn’t master what you tricked them into believing

-He wouldn’t be so easily fooled

-But, even after all the torture he’s put you through, he’s never seen you flinch around him

-After the incident, he distanced himself from you, ashamed he couldn’t even kill you, a mere human, guilt riddled with anger

-You stuck around, always giving him your smiles and persisted he spend time with you

-Humans really are stupid aren’t they? You’re just going to come back to him after he almost killed you? Have you learned nothing about the demons you now live with?

-He couldn’t deny you, no matter how hard his subconscious was telling him to

-In truth, he wanted you around, he wanted to make up for everything he’s done

-No matter how stubborn he got, no matter how many insults he threw at you, you came over to his room to kiss him goodnight (tbh you do this for all the brothers) even singing him to sleep at times

-You never got fed up with him, which was a miracle in itself

-He knew his brothers were fond of you too, the way they would follow you around like lost puppies, waiting for their favourite human to spend time with them

-His twin just as attached to you as his older brothers

-Why? How are you doing this?

-He’s so irritated by it, the way a mortal just comes along and magically gets along with everyone

-How are you doing that?

-Deep down, he knows you’re just that kind of person

-Someone who just deeply cares about their friends and loved ones

-After a few months, he starts craving your head pats too, the way you laugh at his snarky remarks, the way you insisted you,him and Beel all hung out together at once

-He started coming to you at night, whenever his nightmares began to prevent him from sleeping peacefully and you never got mad at him.

-He thinks about it, as he lays in your arms trying to fall asleep again and appreciating your warmth

-He thinks about how he wished you really were part of his family and how badly he’d want you to live with them for the rest of eternity

-He thinks about how sorry he is for everything and about how happy his family has become since you came along

-He thinks about how you must be Lilith’s decedent and how much he misses her

-He thinks about how glad he is that you care for his chaotic family

Al~

(Belphie’s is really long wtf is wrong with me. I probably deviated from the original ask a tiny bit I was in the mood to make it fluffy af)

[anamatics]

can you add anything about studying tiktok academically? That sounds v interesting. I just saw you post on a text post about it. apologies if you’ve mentioned it before; I just started following you.

the post in question 

To specifically address that post:

Firstly, I think we need to divorce ourselves from the idea that it is just “Zoomers” or “Children” on TikTok. I don’t have specific statistics on the demographics, but there there are certainly as many Millennial, Gen X and Boomer users of the platform as there are Gen Z and younger users. 

Secondly, let’s talk a little bit about the mirroring discourse between 2014 Tumblr and 2021 TikTok. The commentary on this particular post does a poor job at framing what the actual problem is on TikTok. So let’s start there. 

Tumblr was a website of networks. You follow people and you see what they share on their blogs on your dash and you can share your own content into that stream. It produces what are called information flows, where content flows across various nodes (blogs) through interconnected edges (the person to person connection made by act of you sharing something). Here’s a blog explaining how this works. Here’s a good book that discusses virality and  information flows. Tumblr is also a bit complicated, as people can add to posts. This is why there are like 5 versions of every great tumblr meme with different people riffing on the OP. As the post grew, as did the spread of the people who commented below it. But here’s the thing. You, as a user on Tumblr, a conscious choice whether or not to reblog a post and to your blog and therefore your followers. "Discourse"* on Tumblr was curated by social networks of individual users that individual users self-selected into by following various blogs.

TikTok, on the other hand, is curated by an algorithm. You, as a user of TikTok, can shape what you see on your For You Page (FYP). The whole purpose of the FYP is to show you what you want to see, to keep you on the platform. As per TikTok themselves, you are put into a specific space based on what you consciously or unconsciously directed TikTok to believe you fit into. This is done consciously by following people, liking/commenting on/sharing content. It’s done unconsciously too, by watching TikTok content. This is why sometimes you’ll see people complaining that all they’re getting is like, queer discourse. It’s because you watch it. Maybe multiple times to get everything that was said because the app has no built-in captioning feature.

What this means, in essence, is that unlike Tumblr, the user has no real and/or direct control over where, potentially, their content could flow to. In interview studies that I've done with TikTok users, I've found that many TikTok users are careful about the content they produce because they're afraid of it attracting "the wrong kind of attention" - this could be say, a BLM activist getting harassed by white supremacists, or a Native American creator getting harassed by WitchTok for discussing how using certain kinds of sage is appropriative**. The pile on can be aggressive, as that post says, but what that post is missing is that you, as user on TikTok have no control over where that information goes or flows to. This gets more complicated with stitching and dueting.

So, if Tumblr has a more linear flow of information from node to node, TikTok takes information apart, splices it together, and all of it is made more complicated by peoples' faces being attached to it. Then it essentially pingpongs around an essentially closed network determined by algorithmic identity derived from measurable types. This is the part that concerns me. That post is right, people's faces make it more complicated. It complicates privacy. It complicates repercussions for people because it doesn't allow people to learn and grow and change. With video evidence, however, these things get harder. Which the internet writ large needs to get fucking better about. 

However. I was on Tumblr in 2014. I essentially content moderated a fandom for three years as a side gig to my day job. The conversations that are being had on TikTok are the exact same ones that were being had on Tumblr half a decade ago because -- get this -- a whole new generation of young, emergent thinkers, are trying on theory. They're trying on identities, they're experimenting with who they are and they're trying to talk it out***.  It is as mean and as nasty and as unpleasant and we should sit with the fact that Tumblr was fucking toxic because we made it that way. The problem is that the kids have picked the world's shittiest platform to do it on. Like Twitter, TikTok is limited in what you can do/say. So nuance is lost. What this means is that pile-ons can spin out of control, because these are kids who've just discovered debate and theory and ugh, "discourse" and therefore wield it with gusto when they could be more humane, more gentle, and more understanding of the fact that no one's perfect. 

(*sidebar that I high-key hate how discourse has gained a negative connotation because of this hellsite.

**And it is appropriative so stop doing it if you are.

***Baby leftists plz stop being Tankies do you have any idea how many People Stalin/Lenin had killed.)

[secondhand-trash]

BNHA but it’s thebonappetittestkitchen

A/N: I watched one Test Kitchen Talks and now I’m obsessed. I’ve been binging BA vids and this is the end result lmao (might write a part 2 later if I can think of other characters to put in there)

Bakugou Katsuki

Gourmet Makes but angrier

very serious about everything

*tch* “The weight of this layer of the cookie is off.”

“...you said 14.9 grams.”

“Yes and this is 0.1 grams off, we have to do this again.”

constant swearing when he is by the stove

the staff might have give him constant new topics just to see him tick off

always bickering with the other chefs

“Hey, kacchan-”

“Do not fucking call me that on camera.”

the fan favorite meme

(Kaminari is bitter about that)

“Taste this.”

“I think-”

“Say anything and I’ll burn this place down.”

“...it is great.”

Midoriya Izuku

the helpful one

always wandering in the background of every single video

works under the editor

is not actually a professional chef but kinda learned enough by being around everyone 

the one that got sent to deliver bad news because he is less likely to be stabbed by a kitchen knife by annoyed chefs

“...they send you here to tell me things that will my job harder, aren’t they.”

“Yeah..”

the one who will drop his own things to help around the kitchen

doesn’t normally cooks, but when he does it is always for very homely recipes

“This is not the most common way but that’s what I grow up eating...”

“My mom taught me how to do this.”

“I found this recipe in my mom’s old cookbook.”

Kirishima Eijirou

the “big friendly dog in human form”

started out as a butcher

gets appointed to do all the heavy work

prime thumbnail material

(he still has no idea why the editors are always telling him to roll his sleeves all the way up or where a tank top whenever they are filming outdoors)

campfire specialist

“Bro, this is sick dude.”

“Eyyyyyyy Bakugou-” *hand in the air*

“(sighs)” *high five*

very popular among older viewers??? 

(grandson material???)

Aizawa Shouta

the “tired guardian”, as always

puts booze in e v e r y t h i n g

“Now add a splash of white wine.” *proceeds to pour out half the bottle*

it’s an inner joke among chefs and fans that he never sleeps 

showed up in a video in a crisp shirt with his hair up like, once, and the internet went into a frenzy

comments like “WHY IS THE HOBO SO HOT” flooded the comments 

compilation videos with titles like “Aizawa being done with everyone’s bullshit for 10 minutes straight”

(it’s basically him sighing and staring with dread in his eyes in someone else’s background throughout the entire video)

gets undermined a lot because of his demeanor, but will casually namedrop his credentials which shocks everyone

“When I was working at (insert famous prestigious restaurant)...”

“Wait hold up a second wHAT????”

Yaoyorozu Momo

the “properly trained in some renounced culinary school and probably comes from some impressive background but we don’t talk about that”

ridiculously accurate tastebuds

often act as the guinea pig for other chefs

recreating (blank) by taste videos

gets oddly specific realy quick

*munch munch* “Is that prosciutto that was made in winter by hand and dried for two years in Italy?”

“I’m sorry what now???”

gets cranky when people misplace things 

never raises her voice, never swears, but somehow intimidating as all hell

when Yaomomo tells you to put the flour on the forth shelf counting from the left, you do it

unintentionally expensive taste

“Wait, you’ve never tried European white truffle (which can sell up to thousands a pound btw) before?”

“No?????”

Kaminari Denki

the “how the hell does he even get in here anyways????”

blog editor, but people like him so much that he keeps showing up

always causing chaos

always butting in when the others are filming 

the prankster

“I hide tiny babies all over the test kitchen”

“I replace all the extra virgin olive oil in the test kitchen with virgin olive oil and see how long it will take for people to notice”

No one has ever seen him cook on camera but he still has a fuck ton of screen time

“Make Kaminari film a cooking video” is now the no. 1 requests among fans

Todoroki Touya Dabi

the “I need this job or else I’ll have to go home and inherit the 1 billion dollar net worth family business”

how the fuck does he make the chef uniform slutty???

(the trick is to unbutton enough until you can see the line of his chest)

does that thing where he looks into the camera while chopping every video

how the fuck does he make basic instructions sound suggestive???

(the trick is to lower his voice enough until it almost sounds gravel but you didn’t hear that from me)

“Can you pass me that salt, doll? Thank you.”

the only one who has his nickname in the credits

“So I learned how to cook this because my dad told me that it wouldn’t work and I want to piss him off.”

sleeves are always rolled up because “these tats are expensive, why not show them off?”

rumors are that he has beef with Shouto from the office, but it’s just a rumour though

Asui Tsuyu

the one who will actually teach you something

gives very clear instructions

back-to-back cooking 

“Why is this not working-”

“Have you tried adding more butter?”

“Oh.”

you can physically see her growing more and more concern by the second whenever she walks by someone messing up

she’s like your mom, somehow she’ll be able to find everything that you couldn’t even though you both look through the same places

her siblings showed up in the kitchen once and everyone was immediately smitten

[kamari3]

I have a question about Underlust(main story not fanart), and was redirected here by Alaina. What exactly sort of content does it contain that makes it 18+? Because even saying 'sexual stuff' or 'NSFW' covers a big range, I feel. I don't really like a lot of that sort of sex stuff but I have absolutely enjoyed stories containing it before, I know how to skim and self-moderate to some degree if the story is worth it to me. BUT, that's a lot harder for me with images than with just text. Thoughts?

hahaha oh gosh i usually get questions like this on my art/ask blog @kamari333 !! gonna feel weird seeing this level of undertale coming from me over here XD ok so lets look at underlust

please forgive the sloppy typing i'm on my phone (as per usual)

edited to add a readmore-

underlust was made by @nsfwshamecave years ago, back when they, Niel, was using that blog for the sake of freedom of sexual and self expression. that was their horny on main blog. so, reason #1 that underlust is NSFW is because the creator of it was primarily NSFW and asked us to treat it that way so kiddos didnt end up crawling all over her lewds

reason number two is that Niel made a lot of lewd content using Underlust. a lot. it was super great. just- just the absolute motherload of undertale themed smut. (god i miss them). they shipped sansby, they shipped papdyne, they ESPECIALLY SHIPPED PAPYTON and in my opinion underlust is the BEST papyton ever! they shipped OCs and they shipped papcest and sanscest and occasionally fontcest but not as much and it was just- All The Ship Must Sail ok? ships everywhere and ships shipped with a cargo full of 5-star lewds

now we get into the meat of Underlust: the story. Niel never managed to write the full thing before they quit the fandom for personal reasons, and what they did write was out of order and fragmented between asks and disorderly posts, so i'll do my best to kind of sum it all up chronologically... Please keep in mind there may be some stuff in here that could upset you so i'll try to put tags for trigger warnings i think of as i go

Toriel and Asgore are about to have a kid, but the moment they are born, the child dusts. its implied its a miscarriage. In one ask, where someone asked Toriel about Asriel, all Toriel could answer with was "Who?" because she never even had the kid long enough to give them a name. So Uh. That kind of heavy content isn't necessary safe for kids.

The kiddo's dust somehow gets onto a rose that grows underground and thats how Rosie the Rose comes into existence.

At some point, a fully adult Chara falls and shows off a lot of horny on main energy. they are a huge sadist. I will say I am uncertain about the specifics of their canonical relationship with the dreemurrs.

Gaster studied the traits in Chara's soul, trying to make something to help with all the not-making-baby syndrome going on among the monsters (which, my phrasing aside, was pretty serious for a population of creatures with dwindling numbers). He tested on himself and his two sons, but only ended up putting them in a constant state of heat. thats LUST. Niel never went too deep into the lore of what exactly LUST is, so I have my own personal headcanons quietly on my side of the fandom haha.

Eventually everyone of adult age got the LUST. So now just about everyone in the underground, save the few kids, have horny on main syndrome. it doesnt actually help with the baby making though.

So there is another reason underlust is NSFW: constant heat, and human experimentation.

Fast forward and then the most fleshed out part of Underlust happens: The Events of the Papyton comic. You can still find these floating around online, reposted on pillowfort and in my discord haha.

Prepare for spoilers.

Prologue: Papyrus is lonely and super super wants respect, recognition, and love. So he goes to Undyne to train to get into the Royal Harem. Its implied that the job of the Royal Harem isnt just to fuck Asgore (who lost his wife at some undisclosed point- Toriel is in the ruins now) but to fuck everyone in the underground who wants/needs the sex. So like, its a government funded brothel? Undyne does train Papyrus (which apparently includes endurance training and edging- the one picture we got was pretty hot ngl- for a lesbian undyne knows her way around a dong), but she sees right away that even though he is amazing at sex, he doesnt have the right mindset to be in the harem. Pap is too emotional, too clingie. so she isnt letting him in.

On Mettaton's Side: Alphys builds mettaton a body that he loves and syncs with instantly. He goes on his quiz show to debut his body and hes happy with the attention, but after the show, two guys from the audience corner him outside and... uh... rape him. No sugar coating that. It is very violent and noncon. Tonton is permanently scarred in body and soul after that.

So theres more content thats NSFW and probably doesnt need to be in kid safe spaces. The whole rape thing.

Alphys finds him and even though he cant just leave his body, she helps fix him up and modifies his look so he is more comfortable.

But, uh... He is Not Okay. That was seriously traumatic and even though he pushes through it for his quiz show he has a lot of issues since most of his audience isnt interested in the science or history or learning part, they just wanna catcall him.

But he gets this one Fan who calls in correct answers and sends him really sweet fanmail.

And its Papyrus. Papyrus is Tonton's number one fan.

And eventually Papyrus goes to the show live and asks Mettaton out on a date. Its cute as balls. Just. A montage of fluffy respectful date fun and just- SCREAM. its great!

And then Mettaton's rapists show up. And they make to do it again. Papyrus tries to stop it but he gets beat up. He does encourage Tonton to fight back. which he does. and almost murders them. He's super emotional and says some mean things to papyrus too.

But stuff happens. Forgiveness. Healing. A kiss. Listen it's a story about how your trauma doesnt have to define you and it's definitely not for kids but its a good fucking story ok?!

Theres also a sidestory about mutual pining sansby which is also cute as fuck.

The themes of Underlust are sexual expression, how appearances can be misleading, how trauma doesnt have to define your life and how you can heal, and most importantly, that Love is more important then Lust.

The story was never finished, but there was talk and visual hints of adding themes of like how asexuality is valid and you can love people without sex, and how having sex and being unashamed doesnt making you gross, and platonic love being just as good as romantic love, and all this great stuff, but at the time niel was having more fun making lewds and just living her best life, so a lot of story and thematic elements were left unfinished

So... yeah. That's Underlust.

The cliffnotes version anyway.

The designs are amazing and iconic af. I especially love Blooky being an angry stoner. Asexual Nonbinary (21yo) Frisk is great! Its a beautiful AU with a lot of love in it and it makes you feel like its safe to be as lewd or not lewd as you want to be. But it is NOT an AU for kiddos. Not at all.

[oumakokichi]

Hello!! Since I saw you were enjoying YTTD, what do you think about Sou and possible parallels to be drawn between him and Kokichi? Love your blog!

Oh boy, that’s a pretty great question. I had a feeling when I started YTTD that it was only a matter of time before Sou wound up being my favorite, and I wasn’t proven wrong over the course of the game. There are definitely some similarities between the two of them—and some differences too!

Spoilers for both games under the cut, so be careful when reading!

Well, to start with the similarities: they both lie. Uh, a lot. In fact, lying is sort of the most memorable thing about both of their characters.

Kodaka has stated that Ouma represents ndrv3’s entire theme of lying on multiple occasions, and I don’t think anyone needs any convincing that lying is Ouma’s entire schtick. With Sou, Nankidai has never (as far as I know) said anything about him representing the concept or idea of “lies,” but it’s still pretty evident nonetheless from the narrative.

Where Sara tries to keep the group united and cooperating with each other honestly, Sou undermines her attempts at nearly every opportunity and lies time and time again, both in and out of the main game. Even his theme song emphasizes how much he lies. Vgperson did a great job translating the title in my opinion by making it “Not So, Sou,” and in Japanese the title is “Sou no Uso”—a play on the fact that his name is a rearrangement of the Japanese word for “lie.”

They even have a few physical similarities as well: Sou is physically taller and older, but both of them are fairly scrawny, underweight (this is lampshaded with Sou in Your Turn to Shine by the fact that he can put off dying from starvation for at least one extra turn), and of course, they both wear scarves.

I have actually seen a few people in the DR fandom call Sou “green Komaeda” when playing YTTD for the first time, probably due to his role as the “trickster” character within the main game, but I honestly think it’s much fairer to say he’s similar to Ouma instead. If anything, it’s kind of hard to not see the similarities between the two when going from one game to the other.

Ouma does, after all, go out of his way to antagonize people within trials as well, and both he and Sou are considerably paranoid and mistrustful of others’ intentions. Both of them are all too happy to play the role of the villain even if it means being hated by everyone else, because they want to make it out of their respective killing games alive and they don’t trust anyone who talks openly about “cooperating” and “believing in each other.”

Of course, that’s not to say that the two of them are carbon copies of each other. Sou is similar to Ouma, but he’s definitely not identical. Their key differences are easier to see when you look past their surface-level personas, as well as their motivations for why they do the things they do.

To put it simply, both of them lie, but for almost completely different reasons. It’s true that Ouma in part does lie because of his own paranoia and lack of trust for the rest of the group—but also, Ouma just really, really loves lying. It’s a core part of his character; he states multiple times that he believes having the ability to lie is the same as having free will, and this shows how deeply he resents the idea of “having” to tell the truth, or well, being “forced” to do anything, really.

He also lies to entertain. He says so pretty explicitly in his salmon mode ending, and it’s absolutely not a lie: Ouma is someone who loves being dramatic, over-the-top, and entertaining. He hates being bored, and he hates the idea of boring other people even more.

After playing ndrv3 at least once, it’s really easy to see that deep down he’s just a clown with a love for funny wigs and really dumb pranks, so I wholeheartedly believe that even outside of a killing game, Ouma would still lie all the time (in fact he does, again, in his salmon mode route). It’s just that his lies would lack any malice or hostility to them.

The thing that sets Ouma apart from many other “bastard trickster” characters in fiction is that his love for lies isn’t some of act or façade that he’s putting on. He enjoys it in the same way that a kid enjoys making a prank phone call or putting a whoopee cushion on someone’s chair. Within the constraints of a killing game, it’s absolutely true that Ouma is cold, calculating, and manipulative—but he’s also genuinely childish, fun-loving, and silly. These traits are honestly the reason I love Ouma so much as a character and find him so interesting.

By contrast, Sou lies out of absolute necessity. Knowing that he has a 0% chance of survival only increases his desire to make it out of the game alive all the more, and solidifies his distrust in Sara with her high rate of survival. He lies out of sheer desperation, willing to talk and act like a completely different person from his true self if it means giving himself even the slightest sliver of an opportunity to stay alive.

Even his name (his real name, that is), reflects this. He took on both the name and, to some degree, the persona of the real Sou Hiyori: a first name that is, like I said, an anagram of the word “lie,” and a surname that means “sunny.” By contrast, his actual name, “Shin Tsukimi,” means “truth” and “moon-viewing.” Before the events of YTTD, Shin Tsukimi was an extremely gentle, timid person who was honest and trusting to a fault, further confirmed when we actually see an AI of him in chapter 3 who acts completely different from Sou as we know him.

Sou might put on an act and pretend that he enjoys lying and being a huge bastard in the middle of the main game, but he’s not nearly as good at keeping up the villain façade as Ouma, and his cracks show a lot easier. Multiple characters, particularly Sara, Kanna, and Keiji, call Sou out on his bad acting at various times, and insist that he isn’t nearly as evil or uncaring as he’d like to pretend. This is a sharp change from Ouma, who remained an enigma even after his death and played the part of the ringleader so well that nearly everyone still believed he was a Remnant of Despair until nearly halfway through the chapter 6 trial.

From what we can see of Sou’s personality, both in YTTD and YTTS, he’s not lying because he likes the fun of it all, or because he’s just a kid who loves pranking people deep down. He’s really, truly scared shitless and eaten alive by his own paranoia for pretty much the entirety of YTTD, and while he’s certainly not the trusting or naïve Shin Tsukimi anymore, he nonetheless tends to still show signs of being quiet, timid, and occasionally even grumpy and closed-off from other people.

For example, Sara has multiple opportunities to tease him or attempt to befriend him throughout the game. When you teasingly insist that you’ve “always been close friends” with him during the second half of chapter 2, he looks completely startled and taken aback, even a little horrified at her persistence in wanting to get to know him after all the stunts that he’s pulled. You can also have Sara bother him while he’s working on the laptop after they get rid of Mishima’s AI, to which he responds with more and more irritation. In my opinion, I get the sense that Sou is more used to being the butt of jokes rather than making them, and doesn’t enjoy feeling as though someone’s poking fun at him, even if people like Sara are doing it with good intentions.

While I called them both scrawny earlier, I do want to clarify that I absolutely, unironically think Sou is weaker than Ouma physically too. Ouma isn’t exactly super strong or anything; he complains when lifting the inugami statue with Saihara in chapter 3, and he doesn’t seem to like PE class from some of his dialogue in salmon mode. But it’s really clear that Ouma does hide some of his aces up his sleeve, and that he can punch a hell of a lot harder than he lets on, like in chapter 5 when he counters Momota’s second attempt to punch him.

Meanwhile Sou… Sou struggles to open cabinet doors and probably pickle jars too. He has weaker physical strength than both Kanna, a middle schooler, and Gin, an elementary schooler, in his YTTS stats. I love him to pieces, I think he’s a fantastic character, but it’s just too funny. Sou is not merely scrawny, he’s essentially the biggest, weakest pushover despite being around 20 years old or so and I think that’s great.

Anyway, these are just my thoughts on the similarities and differences between the two of them! Both of them are absolutely willing to go to extreme lengths in order to try and survive their respective killing games, and they’re both extremely paranoid and distrustful of others. But removed from the killing game, Ouma is pretty clearly someone who aspires to be a clown (both a class clown and a literal, pie-throwing, nose-honking party clown) and to entertain others, while Sou is honestly just an exhausted and extremely grumpy convenience store worker bordering on unemployment who has zero upper body strength and just wants to be left alone.

Thank you for the really fun question, anon! I really love both Sou and Ouma, so I had fun getting to write this meta for them!

[toria-lilith]

Smoke and Roses - A Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx fan fiction (chapter one)

A/N - Hi guys! So I made a post about this a few days ago but I decided, since I finally remembered the fucking password to this blog, that I’d rework some of the writing and plot points in Smoke and Roses, and republish it! I really hope you enjoy more this time round! 

Fic Summary: Holland Van-Ness is a PR manager. At only twenty three years old, she is smart, sharp and straight edge; and the best in the business at what she does. But when she gets involved with the reckless Motley Crue, her life changes forever.

DISCLAIMER:: I would like start by saying I do not condone any of the actions portrayed by any member of Motley Crue, any member of their crew, or any OC. This work is fictitious, and is in no way meant to glamorise drug or alcohol abuse. ‘Smoke and Roses’ is based on the events of Netflix’s ‘The Dirt’, and the autobiography of the same name, and follows the both of them closely, and will include details regarding the aforementioned abuse that may be triggering to some readers. The timeline in this fic also differs slightly from real life and The Dirt. With all that being said, proceed with caution, and enjoy!

It was the ringing of the phone that awoke Holland.

In her grogginess, she seriously considered rolling back over and ignoring it, but just when she thought it was done, it started to ring again; long, and loud, and tearing her back from the comfort of sleep.

Holland groaned. She rolled begrudgingly out of bed and made her way across her bedroom, where her phone was hung upon the wall opposite her bed by the window. Whoever was calling her better have had a damn good reason to be bothering her at nine AM, and on a Saturday of all days.

“Hello?” She said tiredly into the receiver, running a hand back through her dark blonde hair to push it back from her face, “Holland Van-Ness speaking.”

“Ahh, Holly,” a voice, irritatingly cheerful for the time of day, greeted her on the other end. “It’s Doc Mghee.”

Well, that certainly peaked her interest, and Holland was suddenly wide awake. Though she had known Doc for years, he rarely called for a chat, which could only mean one thing; he had a job for her. “Doc, good to hear from you,” she responded warmly, “to what do I owe the pleasure?”

It had been a year or so since Holland had last spoken to the infamous manager. He had been a close friend of her Father’s before he passed away, and had been the one to help her break into the music industry when she was a mere eighteen years old. That had been five years ago; and Holland was eternally grateful. She owed a massive amount of her success to Doc. “Tell me,” he said, “how soon are you able to get to LA?”

Holland raised an eyebrow at the question even though Doc couldn’t see her. “Doc, if I’m going to make a trip to LA, I should know what it’s about.”

Doc chuckled. “I’m getting to it. I’ve found you a band.”

“Oh yeah?” Holland had expected that, of course. She balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder and reached over to her dresser to fish for a notebook and pen. “And… what band might this be?”

“You’re not going to like it,” Doc chuckled again, and Holland didn’t like the way he seemed to be deliberately avoiding answering her question. “But just hear me out, alright? I think this might be just the challenge you’ve been looking for.”

Holland felt a sinking feeling in her stomach. Part of her thought she knew exactly who had had in mind, and he was right; she didn’t like it. “...Go on,” she pressed him after a moment.

Doc chuckled for a third time. He sounded unmistakably nervous. “Motley Crue.”

For a moment, Holland was silent as she digested this information, and then she laughed. “No. Absolutely not.”

“Holly-”

“Are you crazy? Doc, you seriously want me to fly all the way out to LA to be their PR manager? That’s career suicide!” 

“Holly,” he went on pleadingly, “these boys need help. If anyone can sort out their shit-show of a public image, it’s you. They’re on the verge of real success here, but my God, their image has got to be fixed. They need you, Holly. Just come to one show. If you think they’re beyond help, I’ll pay for your flight back. But just give them a chance. These kids need some sense talking into them and they don’t listen to me.”

“Kids?” Holland scoffed. “They’re not kids, they’re grown ass men!”

“Look, the choice is yours,” Doc sighed heavily, “can I expect to meet you at the airport or not?”

“Dammit Doc…” she groaned loudly, making it very clear to him exactly how she felt. “Fine. I’ll catch the next flight out.”

Holland heard Doc cheer. “Holland Van-Ness, you are a star!”

The line went dead as Doc hung up. That time, it was Holland’s turn to sigh. She’d heard stories about Motley Crue that were rivalled only by her nightmares. In the six months since they’d debuted, they’d singlehandedly caused more problems than any other band Holland had managed, and she had had to put up with some serious shit. From their very first gig, Holland had decided they were trouble, and she had sworn to herself that she was not going to get involved with them or any other band like them. Apparently, that was not a promise she was going to be keeping.

Holland padded sleepily into the bathroom, where she lingered for a moment to brush her teeth and pull a comb through her hair. She paused by the sink to take a good luck at her reflection. She looked a damn sight better than she had done five minutes ago, but there was an emotion in her eyes that Holland didn’t immediately recognize. She realised after a moment, that it was fear. 

She drew in a shaky breath. When she told Doc working with Motley was career suicide, she hadn’t been joking, and that thought scared her more than anything. If she didn’t have her job, what did she have?

She rushed back into her bedroom where she dressed quickly and threw a few essentials into a small suitcase. Anything else she needed, or had forgotten, she supposed she could buy once she landed in LA. Holland had worked with a menagerie of bands; from small, local acts to headlining musicians. She had helped all of them maintain a fairly respectable public image. But now, in the cab on her way to the airport to meet Motley freakin’ Crue, she couldn’t help but feel as though she was completely out of her depth.

She made her way through customs fairly quickly and within the hour, found herself in a less than comfortable aisle seat on a four hour flight from Miami to LA. That sinking feeling remade its home in her stomach as the plane started its ascension, and Holland found herself gripping the arm rest, so tightly her knuckles strained white against her skin. She was at least comforted by the thought that when she inevitably wanted to return home, she wouldn’t have to pay for the flight.

As the plane made its way through the sky towards LA, Holland tried to catch up on the sleep that Doc had so cruelly taken from her but it was nearly impossible over the roar of the engines and her own feelings of anxiety, and so eventually, she gave up and resigned herself to watching the clouds whizz by the window. Before she knew it, LA was upon her, and she found Doc waiting for her by the luggage claim.

When she saw her old family friend, all her frustration momentarily drained away and she embraced him in a tight, if not brief, hug. “It’s good to see you, Holly,” he told her with a smile.

“And you!” She said. She looked anxiously over his shoulder, expecting to see the band stroll through the duty free stores towards them. “They’re not joining us?” She asked him.

“Relax,” Doc assured her quickly, “they’re not here. I thought you’d want to get some brunch and get settled in first.”

Holland smiled weakly, reassured. “That sounds great.”

She collected her suitcase and allowed Doc to carry it out to the cab for her. She could have carried it herself given that it wasn’t too heavy, but she was exhausted after her busy morning, and was secretly grateful for his help. When they got into the back of the cab, Doc looked as though he was going to start with some pleasantries, but when he turned to Holland and saw the look on her face, he knew she was ready to talk business. He could tell she had a lot of questions, and motioned for her to start.

“Alright,” she said, folding her hands casually on her lap, “first and foremost, where am I going to be staying? You didn’t mention a hotel or anything in your phone call.”

Doc grimaced and didn’t say anything for what felt like an eternity. “Once again,” he said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat, “you’re not going to like it.”

Holland’s face fell a mile. “Doc…” she deadpanned, “tell me I’m not going to be staying with them.” She looked at him intently but Doc said nothing, which only confirmed her fears. “Are you serious, Doc?” She asked him furiously, “working with them is going to be bad enough!”

“The money’s not bad,” he reminded her, hoping to diffuse the situation but she only scoffed.

“Yet clearly not good enough to buy me a hotel room,” she scowled. “Why the hell do I have to stay with them?”

“Holly, these boys aren’t like anyone you’ve ever worked with before,” Doc told her. “You’re going to have to work a lot harder with them than you have with any other band. You’re going to need them to trust you, Holly. And this is the way to do that.” He gave her a look that Holly recognized and understood almost instantly. It was the same pleading look her Father used when he wanted her to cooperate.

Even so, she groaned loudly. “Alright, fine,” she relented. “I’ll stay with them.” She sighed, turning to look out of the window to avoid seeing the triumphant grin on Doc’s face. “So, what are they like?”

“They’re…” Doc trailed off. He glanced out of his own window, as though the street passing by would inspire him. “They’re a handful,” he settled on eventually, “self centered. Arrogant. But, they’re talented as Hell, and I think they’ve got it in them to be good kids. They just need a little push in the right direction.”

Holland hummed in acknowledgement. She didn’t say anything else, but she didn’t need to. A beeping sound came from Doc’s pocket. He sighed, pulling out the small pager. A scowl passed over his face.

“Aw, crap,” he mumbled, “sorry, Holly. We might have to put that brunch on hold.” He slipped the pager back into his pocket and fed another address to the cab driver, different to the one he had initially given.

“Why?” Holland frowned, “what’s happened?”

“What’s happened is you’re about to start your job a couple hours early,” he said grimly, “there’s been a fight.”

Holland found herself rolling her eyes. “Of course there has,” she grumbled, though she didn’t know why she was surprised. When working with Motley Crue, she should have expected nothing less.

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

[hoekaashi]

HQ Skincare hcs

a/n: i had too much fun with these hehe, hope you enjoy! onto my next series which will be longer than the skincare ones characters: kageyama, kenma, kuroo, oikawa, iwachan, atsumu, osamu warnings: none other than my language lol taglist: @babydabi @suckersuki @bakugoustanaccount @animoozies @haiikyuuns @depths-of-your-soul @differentballooncollection @waitforitillwritemywayout​

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

⇾ growing up as in going to middle school with oikawa, he picked up some stuff ⇾ small things, like which cleanser is better for his skin, what type of skin he has, the difference between toner and essence, what daytime moisturizer he should use and what nighttime one ⇾ things like that ⇾ and even once he was no longer around oikawa, skincare became something that he enjoyed doing ⇾ he would look up new products on his own and he was always willing to try new products too ⇾ his teammates are always so awestruck by his dedication just to his skin ⇾ wouldn’t mind splurging every once in a while on a holy grail product, but everything else is pretty much drugstore stuff ⇾ until he started getting products sent to him in pr packages once bokuto and atsumu let it slip in an interview that kags has a dedicated routine ⇾ his 4 step routine turned into 12 very fast and unfortunately for him, half the time he doesn’t know what he’s doing and ends up bothering oikawa about it

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

⇾ he’s a rich bitch and it shows ⇾ he gets a facial two to three times a month, doesn’t care that he shouldn’t get them too frequently ⇾ his mentality is that if he’s not washing his face every day, it’s okay for him to get facials more frequently ⇾ he just really enjoys the massages they give him, but after learning that he doesn’t do anything at home to take care of his skin, they make him a list of products to use and create an entire daytime and nighttime routine for him ⇾ and because he can, he buys the fancy shmancy products that are overpriced ⇾ his favorite part of the routine is putting a cold sheet mask on his face and letting it marinate on his skin ⇾ he ends up buying a beauty fridge and stocking it up with mostly sheet masks ⇾ but because he doesn’t want to be wasteful, he ends up learning how to recycle them properly along with how to make his own sheet masks ⇾ his facialist starts crying when she finds out that he’s actually taking care of his skin now

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

⇾ literally didn’t do shit for his face ⇾ but as he got older, he would look into ingredients more - not only with what he was putting in his body, but also on it ⇾ around his last year of high school, he decided to start a routine but it wasn’t anything too fancy ⇾ proper face wash and a moisturizer ⇾ slowly he started to build it more looking into the benefits of using toners and the difference between fermented products and regular ones ⇾ you can pry nerdy science kuroo from my cold dead hands but rigor mortis will make that even harder for you to do haha ⇾ once he got his fancy schmancy job, he had the money to splurge on skincare so not only did he get products that were good for him, he also got the expensive ass ones that typical people would save up for and make it last way past the expiration date ⇾ kenma got him hooked on sheet masks ⇾ he has a mini fridge in his office and whenever he’s stressed or just super tired, he’ll pop one on with some eye patches and just take a 10-20 minute nap in his chair ⇾ even though he’s not very active on social media (most of his followers are people who found him through kenma), he will still email companies and ask them to add him to his pr list ⇾ will bug kenma whenever he isn’t added to the pr list

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

⇾ this bitch has a full 12 step routine that he perfected at a young age because he wanted to preserve his youth ⇾ ”why do you wait until you start aging to use anti-aging products? if i start at a young age, i’ll never get wrinkles and people will forever think i’m 20 years old” ⇾ rotates out one product whenever it finishes so his skin doesn’t get used to it ⇾ takes pride in his looks so he would never hesitate to drop money on a product that he knows works ⇾ but on the other side, he also doesn’t mind drugstore products if they do a bomb ass job too ⇾ tried to change the other seijoh third years to have better routines and they all either ignored him or assaulted him with body wash bottles or anything else laying around ⇾ everything is displayed in his bathroom in an aesthetic way ⇾ easily notices if even one product is off ⇾ has a travel sized version of his entire routine and it doesn’t matter if he’s away from his place for even one day/night, he will take the entire thing with him wherever he’s going ⇾ has never missed a single day of his routine which is why iwa went through his acne phase through puberty and oikawa didn’t he still holds it against him to this day

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

⇾ literally uses bar soap to wash his face and moisturizes with coco butter BODY LOTION ⇾ oikawa has a heart attack whenever he sees him do this and proceeds with his cardiac arrest when iwa tells him to fuck off ⇾ wanted to punch oikawa in the face whenever he teased him about not having breakouts since he took care of his skin while they were growing up, but once puberty was done and his hormones were balanced, he never saw another pimple on his face again ⇾ will go to grave without a soul knowing, but his acne pissed him off so much he actually bought products to treat it ⇾ advocate for Proactiv MD ⇾ eventually grew out of his bad habits with skincare but still doesn’t do anything more than face wash, toner, and moisturizer ⇾ will never spend more than 25 bucks on a single product. ever. ⇾ enjoys how oikawa gets jealous knowing that he does the bare minimum and his skin looks as great as it does ⇾ quietly thanks his parents for their good genes

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

⇾ aha ha ha he’s awful ⇾ rinses his face with water after practice, and if he’s showering, he’ll use his 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner to wash his face ⇾ complains about the weird coating it leaves on his face and when osamu tells him it’s because hair products aren’t for his face, he just says it’s extra moisturizing and walks away ⇾ wanna know why he copied osamu’s hairstyle in high school? it’s because his greasy ass forehead was covered in acne from the sweat, clogged pores, and lack of proper hygiene ⇾ in desperation, he stole osamu’s skincare products and used it to clear up his forehead their last year of high school ⇾ for once in his life, osamu let him get away with it because he was tired of hearing his brother complain about his skin ⇾ his patience ran out when he saw his brother using coconut oil on his skin - the kind you use for cooking ⇾ atsumu sat through three hours of his brother telling him what was good for his skin and what was bad - coconut oil was bad especially for his oily face ⇾ as an adult though, he has the money to spare to get facials and visit a dermatologist regularly ⇾ ironically became the face of a new skincare line and osamu never laughed harder when he saw the ads

*+:｡.｡　　｡.｡:+*

⇾ not super involved as a teenager but knows what products work for him and what don’t ⇾ definitely reads the ingredients and knows the good stuff from the bad stuff ⇾ doesn’t mind splurging on a product or two in high school, but nothing more than that he’d rather spend his money on food ⇾ as an adult it’s up to his mood on whether he would drop money for skincare or not ⇾ he enjoys getting microdermabrasion facials and gets one every 6-8 weeks to help his skin cell turnover rate ⇾ never misses his nighttime routine but not because he’s dedicated to his skin, but because he uses the time to relax before bed and just unwind ⇾ will have either relaxing music playing or complete silence as he does his routine - do NOT talk to him while he’s doing this though it’s his ‘me’ time just like when he works in the kitchen but that’s neither here nor there he needs a lot of ‘me’ time ⇾ if he can’t go to his facial, he will be working in the kitchen with a headband pushing his hair back and sheet mask on ⇾ has an anonymous blog where he rates and reviews new skincare products that’s pretty popular

[lesbian-ed]

hello! i hope i am not bothering you guys. thank you so much for running this blog! so, i am a 16 year old lesbian. i was raised in a extremely conservative house and my parents over-protected me a lot - even worse regarding relationships in general. i have an extreme fear of intimacy that mixed up with a lot of internalized shit - i am deeply scared of dating or kissing a girl, even though i really want it. it's easier to forget about my fear when i have a crush, but most of the time i feel terrified. so thanks to that, i am considerably "behind" my straight/bi friends in the relationship aspect. i know that it's just me being a dumb teen, but it feels so... alienating. so lonely. i feel like i will never be able to date another girl. people in my family often try to push me to date guys because they never saw me actually with a girlfriend - it's so horrible sometimes i just want to cry. in your teenage years, have you guys ever had experiences like this? thank you so much for your time. i hope this wasn't too much. thank you

Hi Anon,  The hardest part of being a teenager, is that no matter what is going on in your life it feels like you are ‘behind’ everyone else. This is because we cram teens together for 8 hours a day where you all can compare yourselves to each other. I’m not so much older that I can’t remember high school. But 16 isn’t ‘behind’ on anything. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 21 and I wasn’t behind. I had sex for the first time at 22 and wasn’t behind. Because unlike milestones like babies being able to hold their own heads up, kisses/sex/intimacy doesn’t have a timeline. And, in my opinion, a significant number of teenagers have experiences before they are ready for them, whether that means that they are peer pressured, coerced, feel like they ‘should’ have something like a first kiss or sex, or because they aren’t ready to manage the consequences and effects of various intimacies.  When I was in college, many of the conversations I had with my female friends as we approached graduation had to do with how our lives had been up to that point. And a topic that got talked about a lot was about how many relationships, how much sex, my friends wished they hadn’t sought out or agreed to. Especially for sex and relationships from high school. It is not a bad thing to be more grown up and sure of yourself - your interests, your likes, your desires, your comfort levels, your dislikes, your fears - before pursuing a relationship. It isn’t ‘dumb’ to feel worried or concerned or ‘behind’ because it’s an unfortunate side effect of being a teenager (truly the worst years btw, everything is uphill after high school). I don’t want this to come across as condescending or like it’s blowing you off, but you are perfect as you are and there is nothing wrong. You aren’t ‘behind,’ you will have a girlfriend some day and I promise it won’t matter that you didn’t have your first kiss at 14 or 15. The fear about kissing or dating or sex does diminish because it becomes less of an unknown. I would HIGHLY recommend that you read some lesbian romances because they do demystify lesbian relationships, both on an emotional level and sexual level. If you’d like some specific recommendations, message the blog and I will personally help you out.  As for your family, when you are able to leave them - either to go to college or by moving out - their hold on you will diminish. Even just having a job will introduce you to other people and it will diminish the influence of your parents. The side-effect of being over-protected is that it does make the world seem far scarier than it is, and it makes the world seem harder to navigate than it is. I didn’t personally grow up with over-protective parents so I can’t speak about it from a personal standpoint, but I have had friends and girlfriends from over protective families and the way to deal with this I’ve seen from them is to slowly introduce yourself to the world. Go new places, try new things, seek out new reading material and tv shows that would introduce you to new ideas, try to meet new types of people (be open to friendships to people you might not have sought out before). This doesn’t mean start taking huge risks. Don’t start smoking to see if you like it for example, or start walking downtown at night alone in the dark alleys. But as you get older, try to find different events and groups and interests and try them out. Maybe your town has a huge quilting community. Go hang with the women at the quilting meetup and see if you like to sew! Maybe see what events a local bookstore is putting on - maybe a poetry reading by a local author or a book club in a genre you haven’t yet explored. If you have a car, get in it and just drive all over where you live for an hour or two in places you haven’t been and look around. Anything interesting you would have otherwise missed? Take note! This is how I find restaurants when I move to a new place. If you go to college, try to say yes to as many things as possible from the start. I went to a concert three hours away with three people I’d only known a week but who I had already started bonding with a little. The concert was great and I made some acquaintances that were good to know through college. Study abroad! Etc etc etc I think you’ve got the point. Doing this will make the world less scary, more easy to navigate, and introduce you to all sorts of people you otherwise would have missed. As you do this, the side-effects of having been raised by strict conservative parents will lessen and you’ll be much freer, more confident, and more sure of yourself as a person.  Mod S

[archivedatl]

Old Blogs

Howdy. I’ve noticed some concern over the loss of my old blogs here n’ there so I decided to post all of them in one large, comprehensive blog-a-verse. Hope this brings a smile to a few faces. Our Street Corners Keep Secrets This is me asking for a brick to be thrown through my window,
a message attached that reads, "Why can’t you just wake up?"
I am not a star,
don’t look up to me in hopes of finding something more.
That which is out of reach does not promise anyone a goddamn thing.
Hope arises in possibility,
but possiblity is fragmented and selfish,
so don’t think for a second that I am safe ground to walk on.
I will sink beneath the feet of a thousand travelling companions,
and make ruin of any city’s foundations,
because concrete and steel can never tell a soul how it feels.
Our street corners keep secrets, and our road signs only suggest,
never deciding for us,
never knowing if the destination to which they lead,
is where we truely belong.
Life’s greatest tragedy is not that it will some day end,
but that most of us just live to follow directions,
and many times we end up totally lost. I am a landmine. Sometimes I break down so hard you can hear it, and when I can stand to come near it with means to repair, the chances of walking out unscathed are slim to none.
I know because I’m one; a victim of second-hand breakdowns and bad impressions, made under intoxicated conditions with poorly lit expressions. And I regret not going back, I regret not missing flights, I regret not asking for more and taking chances that I can only hope will not be forgotten. My fingers are crossed.

I-O-U.

Now my telephone’s dead and I can’t stand to hold out like this, but I’m constantly checking myself so as not to be a burden. Anything too heavy eventually gets dropped, no matter the cost. Let me be light as a feather, but valued enough so as to remain in a back pocket, until those jeans need washing and I find my place on a bedside table, to be read aloud on nights when memories and prying needs return to haunt the foundations of this room.

Pick me up,
Read me every now and then,
I won’t disappoint.
*I am* witty and engaging so bless me with attention, because I’m *dying* for attention *without* any means of telling *you*. I’ll talk the talk, you take care of the rest. What up thugs?

I’m alive and well, realizing how eternally grateful I am for everything going on in my life day by day... Its a lot like learning to walk - at least, that’s how I’d like to think of it. We’ve all been there, so I won’t waste your time painting a pretty picture of how it all goes down...
I want to talk about other things...
First and foremost, I’ve come to understand that as of late there have been a lot of people finding this little piece of my life tucked away on the web; moreso than usual, and for that reason, I’d like to extend my proverbial hand to anyone and everyone who may have something - anything to say to me. Thank you for taking an interest in who I am and what I’m attempting to do with my life. I am opening myself up, as much as possible, to anyone who may be interested. All I ask is that whoever you may be, wherever you may be, understand that I am only human - two hands, ten fingers, and a life... I’ve received a few messages from people, upset that I haven’t been able to respond to their previous comments or private messages, and who now probably think less of me for it. I hope this isn’t the case, but its bound to happen. What I’m saying is that I don’t live my life on the internet... I’m sorry if there’s a message I never got around to responding to... I’m just not that good at keeping up with reality, let alone a virtual one. I will, however, try harder from now on... And understand that even if I don’t respond, I probably have read your message. I don’t just clear my inbox and move on. Thats plain rude. :)

To all my good friends,
the ones I should talk to more often,
the ones I left back home,
the ones I will never stop loving,
thank you for still hugging me when I come home...
I know I don’t always show it,
but I’m forever indebted to you all for everything you’ve ever done for me...

That brings me to my second point.
The closest friends you’ll ever have are the ones you’d take a bullet for,
but they’re the ones you constantly feel you could put a bullet in as well. ;)

Think about that one.

That’s it for now. I can’t believe I’m up at 5:14am. Touring has made me an insomniac, but I feel fucking great.

Have a good one y’all,

Me Lawyers and Liars I am a liar.
I am self absorbed.
I am in this for me.
I am seeking recognition.
I am not concerned with politics.
I am attempting to rise to the top.
I am never going to forget my intentions.
I am allowed to worry about my own life above the lives of others.

-------AFTER ALL---------

I am human. Part Deux: Colors, Sounds and Feather-Downs 
Current mood: happy I had a long, goofy conversation several weeks ago with an interesting girl who I haven’t seen since, in a diner I have yet to revisit, but it stirred up some thoughts that I found pretty interesting. Maybe I’m just nuts. Anyhow, the discussion began on a simple basis; I inquired as to what her favorite color might be. She said she didn’t know. I replied, "How can you not know? Its a simple question." -- She paused, looking sort of surprised, as if someone had never pressed her for an answer before, and then replied, "Well... It changes... Today its yellow."

I didn’t know what to say...
I didn’t understand.

How can your favorite color just change?
What happened to yesterday’s favorite color?
If, on a whim, something of such esteem and value can be replaced with another, then on what grounds was it ever of any more value to begin with?
When I was little, my favorite color was green. It stayed that way, no matter what I said to be trendy at the time (IE. 8th grade was my "black is such a raw and expressive pigment" phase, but everyone goes through that shit.) As of late, I’ve become more partial to blue - Light blue in particular, but that’s not that important. My point is that something happened that caused me to send green packing, and to fall absolutely head-over-heels for blue.
(Stay with me on this...)
Now, such a dramatic change in attraction doesn’t just happen - I mean shit, I know we’re only talking about colors here, but this kind of switch-a-roo has only happened ONCE in my entire life. Green ---> Blue. Just like that. Must mean somthing, right?
Pablo Picasso went through a "blue period", at which time he was broke and mourning the loss of a dear friend. There’s a similarity there somewhere.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am by no means depressed, nor do I have any reason to be, but perhaps color - every, individual hue, represents to each of us a state of being, and in turn, helps us to deal with whatever it is we may be going through. I’m not talking mood-ring shit here. What I mean is that there are things - simple things - that without our knowing, mean the world to us and when they change, they change for our own good, because whether we like it or not, we are looking out for ourselves. We do it unconsciously - But we do it. We do it to stay happy and to stay alive... And above all else, that’s what matters.
On this note, I’d like to attempt to make my point - Don’t throw yourself out on another’s whim. People change, as do intentions and as a result, consequences. Live for yourself - love those around you, but realize that they’ve got their own agendas. People will screw you - You will screw people... Green ---> Blue. Get it? I’m not sure I do... Always consider that your life will venture in new directions, but be aware that other’s will do the same, and in accordance, understand that to be happy, people must exist in their own light, cast in and of themselves, not by the light of their peers. Conflict will arise because of this. Conflict is to be expected; conflict is a part of life. Find ways to work through conflict, even if it means picking a new favorite color...


I hope this makes a little sense.


I’m tired and rambling, and perhaps just a misguided fool, but I think there’s something in this - something that I am learning and accepting as my fingers punch these keys to an inviting, hypnotic rhythm. I feel like they’re leading me somewhere, and I’ve decided to follow.

____I’m going to bed. Take from this what you will.

Love,

Alexander William Gaskarth

*I feel fine* The first of many, I hope. 
Current mood: happy So I’ve decided to spill it; the beans, the juice, my guts... Whatever you want to call it, consider it spilled. Up to this point, I feel like I’ve done an excellent job of keeping just about everything true about myself, to myself... and for good reason - what people don’t know, people can’t use against you. I guess that’s my first confession. I fucking despise the way people operate. The way people go out of their way to find things out, only to throw them senselessly (BLINDLY) into conversation later. I don’t know if its intentional, (I guess that sometimes it is and sometimes it isn’t,) but frankly, it gets to me. Its the same kind of prying aggravation I feel when someone starts moving shit around in my car, or on my computer table. Stop putting hills in my rugs! Please. Call me OCD but if I put something somewhere, chances are, I wanted it there and it should remain that way. Its the same for anyone else. Let one’s own business remain that way. Anyway. I’ve fallen into a depression lately - not emotionally per say, but I feel like my ability to open up to people has peaked over the past two years. I used to be so ready to say anything, without caring how it affected me, but recently I’ve become so protective of myself, not because I’m afraid of getting hurt by others, but because I might make myself look bad. It’s disgusting. I never used to be so self-absorbed. Its like in every situation, I’m wearing a mask... Not just one mask, in fact, but many masks; Masks to hide masks between people - to hide certain sides of myself from those who disapprove where others don’t. I try so hard to win the approval of everyone. Why? Fucked if I know. I just love being the center of attention I guess. And all this time I thought myself to be humble. No sir. But then, who really is humble? Everyone wants to be loved, right? So am I wrong in looking out for my own well being? Who knows? It makes me sick to my stomach, regardless. I’ve unknowingly stumbled across so many insecurities lately that I feel like a different person at times. It’s like I’ve been born all over again, to a world where I have to carry myself differently. I’m still opinionated, I’m still eagerly in search of answers, but my motives have changed. I do it for myself now; for the praise and admiration I earn as a result of my actions, not for the simple pleasure found in just "doing it". Maybe its all just part of growing up, as they say. Maturing... You know? But does it continue to change? Will I stop acting like such an asshole? Who knows. It worries me. I don’t want to be like this, but its who I’ve become... What’s worse is that I don’t know who or what to blame for the transformation. That would be too easy, right? I digress. I’ve got a lot of things on my plate. My dreams are coming true right before my very eyes - I have a band - We’re going somewhere - This time next year I hope I’m far, far away from this place. I want to see Japan. I’ve wanted to see Japan for a while now; call it a calling. Haha. I don’t know what I want when I get there - I don’t even like the hustle of big cities for too long. Gives me a headache. But there’s something about it. I’ll see it soon enough. The repetition of every day life kills. It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t. It would be a waste of freedom. Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine. I feel pale, and sick, and run down... For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I love my life. But between Monday and Thursday I feel so transient... My head isn’t in the clouds - My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I? I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks. I have some good friends. We get hammered sometimes and forget about everything. The occasional dramatic scene is worth it. People naturally don’t get along with one another. It’s all a matter of how tolerant people are. I have some tolerant friends. In turn, I think I put up with my share of bullshit. It’s like a cycle of tough loving. But it works. It keeps me sane. In the end I think we really do love each other. Awww. I also like to kiss people. It gets me into trouble sometimes. Whatever. Certain individuals need to stop looking for love in the wrong places. --I can’t talk. --I’ve found love in the worst places. --Its not an easy thing to deal with. --Doesn’t change the way I feel about them. --Its ok. --As long as I’m happy. There I go being selfish again. ___I’m done confessing for now. Take from this what you will. Love, Alexander William Gaskarth *I feel better.*