#actual angel of the zombie apocalypse

[luveline]

hello lovely angel!! humbly requesting zombie!steve au, perhaps more of jealous steve? i love their dynamic so much💗 maybe someone is flirting with reader, and enter protective steve:)

thanks for requesting! fem, 2k

You tend to think of it in two weird halves. You love Steve, and you never would’ve known that without the end of the world, so things are okay. Sometimes you wonder if he ever could’ve loved you if he hadn’t been so close to you for so long, but he loves you in this insane capacity of softness that says otherwise. Like, soulmate style. 

It didn’t begin that way. Steve your reluctant guide, and you his unlikely saviour. You’d stopped him from dying at the very start of it all and he couldn’t leave you behind. And Steve, he’d been mean to you. He didn’t want to take care of you initially, but you’d grown to get along. You’d argue black and blue and he’d still rub your back at night. 

There are so many moments you’ve shared that make what you have all the more special. A hundred different memories from before you’d ever kissed. You think about it now, watching him across the firepit as he shows a young girl, Cassandra, how to braid her hair. 

The one that’s sticking today is when Steve got really bad food poisoning for the first time. When you’d known you were in love with him for a while, and when he’d stopped pretending he didn’t know. He’d been sick everywhere, on both your shoes, and you’d rubbed his back through everything.  

It was nice to take care of him. Nicer that night when you’d shared a bed and he’d hugged you half to death. 

He has no idea how much he means to you, or how much those moments with him kept you going when you were all alone. You’re lucky now to have found community, but those stolen hours in bed with him hugging him and getting to be his support, you wouldn’t have made it here without them. 

“Hey.” 

You look up as a man sits down. A boy, a man —what do you call twenty somethings? You don’t feel like a woman most of the time, but you are. 

“Hi,” you say. 

“I’m Jamison.” 

“You’re Eddie’s friend, right?” 

“Who, Munson?” Jamison makes a kidding face, a disgusted scrunch of his eyebrows that falls away to more friendly fondness. “Yeah, we go back. You’re Eddie’s friend too, right? I saw you guys taking out some laundry a few days ago.” 

Jamison is handsome. He has tan skin, short hair, and a crooked nose. His smile is disarming. If you hadn’t fallen in love with the handsomest guy around, you might feel nervous under his gaze. 

Time spent ugly under Steve’s reverent handling makes you confident. You genuinely feel prettier knowing Steve loves you, and it makes it easier to be yourself with strangers. 

“Eddie’s awesome,” you say easily. “I thought he was gonna kill me when we first met, but he’s too nice.” 

“Nice, really?” 

Jamison is casual, as people go. You wonder what his motivations are for talking to you at first, but as conversation stretches, littered with the cracking pops of the fireplace and brief pauses of surprisingly comfortable silence, you realise he’s just talking. Maybe he’s lonely. You know how that feels. 

He tells you that he and Eddie had been in a rock band together before the apocalypse. You’d known to some extent that Eddie was in a band, but Jamison tells you all the details you’d been missing. They were called Corroded Coffin, four members, Eddie played guitar and Jamison thought he was pretty fucking good at it, actually. 

“I don’t think we would’ve been, like, Metallica. But we could’ve been good. We were gonna make a record.” 

You smoke sympathetically. “I bet you could’ve been.” 

“What were you doing? Before all this?” 

“I honestly barely remember,” you say quietly. Your life before Steve is a blur, and it’s painful, too. “Things are harder now, I know that. I wish every day that we could go back to how things were, you know, I miss TV and grocery stores and my family.” You lick your lips. “I wish things were different, but somehow, I think I like my life now. I have stuff to do. Is that crazy?” 

“It’s not crazy. Everything fucking sucks,” —you both laugh— “but that’s not crazy. I’m lucky, I still have my dad, and my friends. There’s purpose in being here.” 

You nod emphatically, just once. “Exactly.” 

You have purpose, now. You get to be a friend, a girlfriend, a confidente. You take care of people. 

It all comes back to Steve, at the end of the day. Would you change the world if it meant never having met him? 

Nope. 

You glance across the fire for him, but he’s not there. 

You put your arm behind your back and bend, looking for him. 

“Looking for someone?” Jamison asks. 

You deflate with relief when you spot him standing near the gaggle of tents about fifty feet away. He’s looking at you from over Robin’s shoulder. You wave, and he waves back with a big smile. 

Something seems a little wrong. 

“Steve,” you explain. 

“He’s your boyfriend, yeah? Eddie told me you’ve been together since the start.” 

You don’t bother correcting him. He might not mean together as how you’re thinking it. “Yeah, that’s him. Have you met him?” 

“Kind of. We all thought he was a huge dick, back then.” 

“He sort of was,” you say. “I mean, we all had our own stuff going on. I get that I’m biased, but he’s my favourite person I’ve ever met. He’s so kind, I don’t think I could describe it to you or anyone just how much he cares about people. I wouldn’t be here without him, and… I don’t know, I’m not saying you’re wrong, but if you ever wanted to meet him again, he’s amazing. He’s a great friend. He’s so fucking funny, he makes me laugh every day.” 

“He’s sort of giving me the stink eye,” Jamison says. 

You wave your hand weakly. “He has raging jealousy issues.” 

“Shit, am I getting you in trouble?” 

“No, never!” you say, tempted to laugh. “He doesn’t get mad at me for stuff like that. He’s normal, I promise. Just sensitive.”

You tell Jamison that it was nice talking to him because it really was, but you’ve been missing Steve for hours already and you need to get back to him before you go totally bonkers. 

He’s sitting on the floor in the tent. The weather has been beautiful lately, you could sleep under the stars if you weren’t scared of being zombie charcuterie. Steve has stripped down to just his jeans and socks, no t-shirt or shoes to be seen. He has his sketchbook splayed open on his thigh, but he abandons it the moment you kneel down. 

“Hey,” you say. 

Steve folds his book closed, pencil between its pages. “Hi. Have I told you lately how beautiful you are?” 

You shuffle in to take his hand. Clumsy touches, his fingers warm and a tad clammy between yours. “You told me yesterday that I have a smile like an angel. I know you were kidding, but I still felt it.” 

“I wasn’t kidding,” he says, wrinkling his nose with a smile. “You think every compliment is a joke.” 

“Don’t make me laugh so much, then.” 

He squeezes your fingers gently. “Sorry I didn’t introduce myself to Jamison. Just, I knew him already from school. And he did not like me.” 

“That’s okay. He seemed nice, I think you’d get along if you met now.” You kick your shoes off and crawl as close to him as you can get. He looks up at you, but you look down at his lap. “What are you drawing?” 

“I was just trying to touch up that landscape I did of the river,” he says, a sheepishness to him as he opens his sketchbook. 

You read it with affection, trace lines and hatchings in awe. “Steve, I really wish you had time and space to do this stuff properly. Not that you aren’t doing it properly, just, I know you could make something just as beautiful as this with paint.” You slide to be sitting properly, putting you both at the same height, so you can meet his eyes as you continue. “Did you know what you wanted to do, when you were finishing school? Did you ever think about art?” 

“I thought about it.” His lips quirk. “Mostly about how my dad would’ve kicked me out if I said something that stupid.” 

“It’s not stupid.” 

“I know.” 

That would’ve been a nice life. You and Steve living together, with a basement for his paintings, or a garage turned studio. You’d read books together every night like you do now, and you’d scrub paint smudges off of his cheek. 

You love him so much it must give you an aura. 

“I’ve got nothing to worry about, huh?” he asks softly. 

You drift in, tipping your head back for a kiss you don’t take. “I don’t know, Steve, Jamison used to be in a rock band.” 

He scoffs in disgust. You think it might be a mixture of anger at Jamison and himself. “Who wants to date a rockstar?” 

“I might’ve.” 

You’re teasing, of course, smiling as your kiss draws nearer, and nearer. 

“Well, I can be a rockstar,” he says quietly, warmth of his breath on your lips. “Just give me a chance to get there.” 

You brush the tip of your nose against his and hold your breath. “That’s okay,” you say, letting it rush out of you in a huff, your excitement to be kissed too much to bear, “I like my guys all mixed up. Preferably good at track, and swimming, but with a soft side. Kind of guy who fills a sketchbook up with my face.” 

Steve lists to the side. Your lips are so close, you can feel the phantom of them against yours as he moves in. “It’s not just your face… it’s your hands, your arms… your everything–”

He cuts his own explanation off with a soft kiss. That softness swiftly hardens, turns rough, ten long seconds of sweetness before his hands coming up behind your head and he’s pressing inward, deepening the kiss, and giving you little room to breathe. 

You have no intention of dating any rockstars, but his jealous streak has nothing but upsides for you. Steve knows that his jealousy over the innocuous is his own problem, his own insecurity that he’s working on, and while you sympathise with him (after all, haven’t you yourself worried he’d find someone else he liked more?), you have to confess to enjoying the edge to his kissing. 

You make a pleased, humoured sound as he breathes you in like you’re a drug he’s been waiting for. He gets sloppier, and you can’t help pulling away to laugh. 

“What?” he asks, thumbing at your cheek in a soft juxtaposition. “Sorry, am I being a dick?” 

“No, it’s fine. Kiss me how you want to.” 

Steve kisses your cheek softly. “He knows you have a boyfriend, right?” 

“He knows.” 

Steve hums like he’s smiling and nudges your nose with his, until you part your lips, and he wades in for another dose. 

[innuendostudios]

new video about Edgar Wright's Cornetto Trilogy, and how everyone* keeps getting them wrong! this video is sponsored by Nebula, a place where you can watch the original version of this video before I had to tweak it for YouTube's copyright bots. (by clicking that link, you can get an annual subscription for 40% off.) or you can just back me on Patreon, which is also cool and good.

transcript below the cut.

I adore Edgar Wright’s Cornetto Trilogy. I flirted with making a video about it ages ago, had a draft of a script, but ultimately decided it wasn’t about anything except “here’s a thing I like, and here are its (I thought) very obvious themes.” So I shelved it. But, in the years since, I have seen multiple video essayists on this here website claim that these movies are about growing up and taking responsibility. (I say “multiple.” It’s not a lot. But it’s more than one! And that’s enough.)

These people are 100% wrong.

Lemme lay it out: the Cornetto Trilogy is not about growing up. It is not about taking responsibility. It is the exact opposite, and that’s not subtext. It is three movies about stunted manchildren thrust into extraordinary circumstances, and each, in the end, is saved - is redeemed - by abandoning his character arc and failing to grow or change. It is a three-part love letter to immaturity.

And I guess I have to set the record straight.

Sometimes making a video about a thing you love is an act of appreciation. And sometimes it’s out of spite.

The Cornetto Trilogy is three movies: Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and The World’s End. All three are written by Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright; Pegg stars, and Wright directs; all three center on a relationship between Pegg and real-life best friend Nick Frost, which makes each film a reunion of the core team behind Spaced (excepting, but for a small role in Shaun of the Dead, Jessica Hynes). The three films span three genres: zombie apocalypse, buddy cop, alien invasion; each features a Cornetto ice cream cone: strawberry to represent blood, original blue to represent the police, and mint to represent little green men; this is a joking nod to Krzysztof Kieślowski’s Trois Couleur films, Bleu, Blanc, and Rouge, which were based on the colors and themes of the French flag (I don’t care what you say, Emily: #TeamRouge); that nod is funny because Trois Couleur is high-art drama and these are comedies. All three are parodies of, tributes to, and actually surprisingly good executions of their respective genres. And the hook, the gag at the center of all these movies, is that Simon Pegg plays a character wholly unsuited to be starring in this kind of film.

Shaun, the burnout, is the wrong person to survive the zombie apocalypse; by-the-book British bobby Nicholas is the wrong person to lead an American-style bombastic actioner; and alcoholic asshole Gary is the last person to save the world from aliens.

And I think that’s where people get stuck. Because “schlub finds himself protagonist of a genre film” is the elevator pitch for like a dozen Adam Sandler movies. The genre trappings may be as mundane as parenthood or mandated anger management classes, or as high-concept as action movie, whodunnit, or time travel It’s a Wonderful Life if Clarence were Christopher Walken as the angel of death (that… that makes it sound good, it’s not, don’t see Click; leave Frank Capra alone, Adam). But all these movies have the same basic shape: an extraordinary situation forces a guy to confront his shortcomings, which always stem from having never grown up. And you probably haven’t seen all of these movies, but if you’ve seen any, I bet you have assumptions about how the rest end: even though “Adam Sandler acts like a child” is generally the selling point of an Adam Sandler movie, they all end with some lip service toward becoming an adult: hey man, grow up a bit; appreciate your family a little more; square your shoulders; clean your room. This is so standard, it was parodied mercilessly in Funny People.

And this was a formative microgenre for my generation! Whole universe turns itself upside down to teach some shitty dude to, like, do the dishes and pay his wife a compliment now and then - Liar Liar, Bruce and Evan Almighty (all directed by the same guy, by the way). So I don’t blame people of a certain age for seeing the first act of Shaun of the Dead and thinking “I know where this is going.” And when, at the last minute, it swerves and goes someplace else, you could read that as a gag, a final subversion of expectation, still the same basic shape. But no! No! Once is a gag - thrice??? Thrice is a thematic statement!

So lemme make my case. I’ma take you through these movies one by one - we’ll talk about the manchildren and the expectations set by the genre, and then we’ll talk about that last-minute swerve and what it means. And then you’ll tell me I’m right and apologize!

Shaun of the Dead:

Shaun is a man in his twenties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the slacker.

What is his problem? He needs to sort his life out. Shaun doesn’t know how to take action. He hasn’t advanced since college - he’s been working the kind of job a teen takes over the summer for like a decade, lives with the same best friend, has the same petty fights with his stepdad, goes to the same pub every week with the same group of people. He can’t make a reservation, he can’t manage a calendar, he’s a washup. This makes his girlfriend, Liz, feel stifled, trapped; he is a weight around her ankle, taking her on the same date week after week, keeping her from living her own dreams, having her own adventures. She gives him one last chance to prove he can sort his life out, and he blows it, and she dumps him.

And then: a zombie movie happens.

The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: to survive, and save his loved ones, he’ll have to take action, make plans, be decisive. This is a common fantasy: when you feel ground down by the mundanity of life, you might imagine, oh, if only a crisis would happen, like a zombie virus outbreak, where my normal-life problems like “am I gonna make rent,” “is my girl gonna take me back,” “is my roommate gonna kick out my stoner buddy who’s crashing on the couch” become meaningless, and it’s immediately clear what’s really important, what matters. Then I’d know exactly what to do. It’s why disaster movies work as escapism: a necromantic plague - or at least the fantasy of one - is sometime preferable to normal life.

Hot Fuzz:

Nicholas is a man in his thirties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the hall monitor.

What is his problem? He can’t switch off. He is a hypercompetant police officer with a rulebook where his brain should be. He’s so good at being a cop that he’s spotting and unraveling crimes even on his day off. He can’t maintain a relationship, has no friends, all his coworkers hate him because he keeps finishing their work for them, and his stats show up the rest of the force so badly that they scuttle him out to the country.

Now you might be thinking, “Mmm. A fastidious police officer who can’t have fun? How is that a manchild? Sounds pretty grown-up to me. You’re reaching, bud.” Ohhhh ho ho, smartass, do you remember this scene? [bar scene] Yeah! Nicholas Angel has a five-year-old’s notion of law and order. He’s still playing cops and robbers.

And that’s a problem, because then: an action movie happens.

It doesn’t happen all at once: he goes out to the country and finds they do things a bit differently there. They are (ostensibly) less concerned with rules than what than the rules are for: if the purpose of drinking laws is to keep the streets safe and orderly, and letting some people off with a warning or allowing kids drink so long as they do it inside achieves that end, the rule can be bent. That’s a judgment grown-ups can make; I mean, they’re the ones who wrote the rules in the first place. So be lenient with shoplifters, don’t hassle people for speeding; this isn’t the Big City, you can use your better judgment. But Nicholas never got past doing whatever Mom & Dad said; obedience, and trusting whoever’s up the chain, is his entire moral framework. He can’t accept that bending the law could be more righteous than following it.

But also maybe there’s a criminal conspiracy murdering people and writing it off as accidents and the police chief might be in on it. Or maybe Nicholas is so desperate for a big case with no moral ambiguity that he’s seeing things where they aren’t. 

The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: either there’s nothing going on and he needs to chill out about procedure, or the department is corrupt and he’ll have to go rogue like it’s Point Break - and this is how he experiences Point Break. [“paperwork”]

No matter what, he’ll have to bend the rules, which he constitutionally cannot do.

The World’s End:

Gary is a man in his forties. What kind of manchild is he? He’s the delinquent.

What’s his problem? Pfffft. What isn’t his problem? Gary is a manipulative, narcissistic, lying, self-destructive, ignorant, violent, thieving, shit-talking, unapologetic asshole who peaked in high school when being all those things was still kind of badass. The greatest night of his life was the drunken pub crawl after graduation he and his friends didn’t even finish, and he’s been tumbling downhill ever since. He’s spent his life ruining everyone who knows him until there’s no one left to ruin but Gary King. So now it’s time to bully the old gang into going back home with him to relive that night by finishing the pub crawl, because, in his own words, it’s all he’s got. And he and his friends have to confront how home has changed since they left - the bars have gentrified, not everyone recognizes them; the defining, epic deeds of Gary’s youth have been forgotten. You can’t actually go back because that place doesn’t exist anymore.

And then: a sci-fi movie happens.

Turns out the town’s been taken over by aliens, and all the people who couldn’t conform to their new order have been replaced with robots! That’s why no one recognizes them! And that’s why the pubs all look the same: the aliens are homogenizing everything! And it’s clear, if they can’t get Gary and his friends to play ball, they’ll roboticize them as well! The obvious move is to get the hell out of town, but Gary keeps inventing excuses to stay and finish the pub crawl, and they sound pretty sensible because the group’s already five pints in. The genre forces him to confront his shortcomings: sooner or later he’s gonna have to give up on recapturing his youth and do what’s best for him and his friends now, even if it means running back to the city where all his problems live.

So there we have it: the characters cross the threshold into an unfamiliar world where an external conflict cannot be addressed without resolving the tension within. The slacker will have to get his shit sorted, the hall monitor will have to break the rules, and the delinquent will have to do what’s good for him. And, to an extent, all three know this! The movies Wright and Pegg pay homage to exist in these stories - Shaun knows what a zombie is, Danny keeps Nicholas up watching Point Break and Bad Boys II, and Gary and friends know bodysnatcher movies so well they have philosophical debates with the robots about whether “robot” is the PC term.

So, yeah, if you turned the movies off there, I could forgive you for thinking that’s where they’re headed. But you goofballs watched them to the end and then made content about them, what is wrong with you???

What actually happens in the second halves of these movies?

Shaun twigs that he’s in a zombie movie and, at first, tries to play the part - his survival plans are miniature hero’s journeys with him as protagonist, wherein he’ll save the day by neatly confronting all his flaws. He’ll resolve parental conflict by saving his mom from his zombified stepdad, resolve romantic conflict by showing his girl he can come through when it counts, and resolve internal conflict by being a man who saves the day. And all his plans suck! It’s just the same plan he always comes up with! Dragging around the same useless liability of a bestie, collecting the same group of people, and holing up in the same pub! He doesn’t save his mom: his stepdad apologizes, resolving their conflict for him, and then survives in zombie form but Shaun’s mom gets killed; most of the friend group gets killed because the crisis does not actually suspend but in fact amplifies their personal grievances; and he doesn’t save the day, just manages not to die long enough for the military to show up.

But… well, Liz wanted adventure and now she’s had enough for a lifetime, so… she’s down to just be boring with him for a while - sit on the couch, watch TV, hit the pub. Beats running for your life. Tensions with the roommate are gone cuz roommate died, but rent is covered cuz Liz moved in. Zombies don’t get eradicated, just folded into normal life, so Shaun can mindlessly play video games with his bestie forever, and it’s not a problem that bestie doesn’t have an income cuz he doesn’t need food or shelter.

The zombie apocalypse doesn’t make Shaun sort his life out, it changes the world til he doesn’t have to.

When Nicholas discovers that, yes, there is definitely a murderous criminal conspiracy inside the police department, he recognizes the only way to bring about justice is to become what Danny has always wanted and go Dirty Harry on the town. It’s either that or just swallow the crimes. But he does neither. He and Danny go on an epic shooting spree, recreating famous movie scenes, taking out the entire criminal organization against all odds, and spouting badass one-liners… but everyone who helps them is a cop, they don’t actually kill anyone, all perps are formally arrested, and they fill out all the paperwork. I think he even properly signs out the weapons. He never switches off, never breaks a rule, does absolutely everything by the book, only… louder. And this violent showdown saves him from the chill town with lax rules he thought he’d moved to. Now he, with his five-year-old notion of right and wrong, is in charge of the police department.

The buddy cop actioner doesn’t make Nicholas bend the rules, it changes the world til he doesn’t have to.

Gary knows exactly how a movie of this sort is supposed to go and spends the whole movie running from it. Friends and secondary characters keep sharing these poignant moments with him, because they know this story, too: yeah, he’s gonna reject help at first, but sooner or later he’ll hit rock bottom and then someone will get through to him. And, as the night goes on, and the characters get drunker and drunker, and Gary passes up more and more opportunities to abandon the pub crawl and go home, these moments take a tone of desperation. They start to sound more like interventions; like, Gary, we all know you’re going to come to your senses but could you hurry up with it??? How many of your friends need to literally die for you to shape up? Are you gonna get them all killed?

And the answer is: Gary will never shape up! To Gary the Human Dril Tweet, his friends trying to save him, psychiatrists trying to treat him, and aliens trying to assimilate him are all the same thing. He doggedly makes it to the end of the pub crawl and confronts the alien overlord who tells him all the technological advancements of the past few decades - all the efficiency and homogenization that’ve changed the face of his home town - are their doing. The Information Age is an intervention on behalf of Earth, a pan-galactic effort to save humanity from itself. And the reason they’ve been replacing people with robots is some people are too fucked up to go along with it.

And here’s Gary, King of the Fuckups, brashly declaring that fucking up is what makes us human. There is no freedom without the freedom to ruin your life. We are endowed by our creator with the right to be drunken, ornery pieces of shit.

He tells the aliens to piss off and he’s so fucking annoying that they do, and they take the Information Age with them.

Now… I know… ugh… I know a lot of people love this movie, say it’s the best of the three. Some friends who’ve struggled with mental health or just being an adult under late capitalism really identify with Gary, and the valorization of being a mess. I see you, you’re not wrong, I get it, I really do. But can we just… not “but” but “also” can we… can we also admit that this ending is… this is Space Brexit.

Like, literally it’s an alien invasion but symbolically this is Gary rejecting the adult world of rules and authority and doing what’s best for the community and that’s how Brexiters view the EU. And people keep telling him “Gary, this is in your best interest” and Gary says, I don’t want my best interest! I am registered in the anti-Gary’s Face Party and I will cast my vote by cutting my nose! I choose to do what’s bad for me.

And, like a true Brexiter, he chooses for everybody.

Now tell me that’s a movie about growing up. Gary collapses human civilization in its entirety rather than change, and in the world that follows, he thrives… by being an immature, irresponsible bag of garbage.

To Wright and Pegg, growing up is death, and these are movies about being alive. These characters don’t cross the threshold back into the ordinary world with the ultimate boon of character growth; all three stay in the extraordinary world. The zombies remain, the robots remain, Nicholas is offered his London job back and chooses to stay in the country. These are stories about normal life spontaneously turning into a genre film, and they are made with deep love for those genres; why would they end with leaving those genres behind? Because it’s what Adam Sandler would do?

So there you have it. I rest my case.

“Okay Ian. Why does this matter?”

…what was that?

“You’ve made your point: these movies aren’t about growing up or taking responsibility. So what?”

Uhhhh.

“Bring it home for us.”

…

“Why do you care so much?

[breath]

I wrote the first draft of this script when I was around Shaun and Nicholas’ age, and “so what?” is why I shelved it. Now I’m Gary’s age, this video’s been in the back of my brain the whole time, but I got this far and “so what” is where I got stuck, again. This is why the CO-VIDs came out quicker, cuz I let myself end with “so that’s interesting!” and got on with my life. But there’s clearly something sticky here, more than “someone is wrong on the internet.” (Also, to the YouTubers I’m vaguebooking, who said these were movies about growing up - I’m way more annoyed at the folks I’ve argued with on Twitter about this, you just made a better rhetorical device; you do not owe me an apology!) (Also, to the commentariat: I am not extrapolating this from like two data points, this is chronic and recurring and has been bothering me for years.)

There are a few directions I could take this to give it some “cultural weight.” I could put on my social justice hat and talk about how the “crisis of adulthood” doesn’t play as broad comedy unless you look like Adam Sandler or Simon Pegg, or put on my class analysis hat and talk about how signifiers of adulthood are, traditionally, ways of spending and accruing capital which are, today, often inaccessible to people under 40.

And that’s all legit, but here’s the real deal: I’m just mad at Gary. The world changed around Shaun such that he could stay a child. And Nicholas ended up somewhere he could stay a child. If you missed that, you’re wrong, but whatever. But to say that Gary grew up grinds me, because Gary chose this. The whole movie is people telling him to grow up, and he says no! He says it out loud! He says it to the literal end of the world. To walk out of the theater and say “that’s a movie about growing up” is more than a mistake, it’s a refusal. It’s trying to “fix” the movie by fitting it into a more familiar shape, so it doesn’t say what it says, so Gary isn’t who he is, who he chooses to be.

I’m being cheeky when I say this because he’s a fictional character, but saying Gary grew up is enabling.

Gary says there’s no freedom without the freedom to ruin your life, which is the problem with alcoholics and libertarians: it’s not just your life, Gary! You live in a community, a culture, and an ecosystem! Your actions - everybody’s actions - impact other people! That’s just the way the world is! You can’t shit yourself at the bar without other people having to smell it. We’re all fuckin’ connected, man! You don’t want anyone’s will imposed on you; you spend the whole movie imposing your will on everyone else! You say humans don’t wanna be told what to do, and then you decide humanity’s future by yourself with no input or consent from anyone!

People point to Gary ordering water in the last scene instead of beer as evidence that he got sober, like that’s proof that he did grow up in the end, which are you fucking joking??? Getting sober is a shorthand for maturity the way buying a house is, it doesn’t signify anything in and of itself! Gary drank to escape the adult world of rules and responsibilities! So, yeah, under normal circumstances getting sober would mean he’s made peace with that world and is ready to integrate. But that’s not what happened! The thing he was escaping doesn’t exist anymore! He literally destroyed it!! People died! Probably millions! Now he lives a happy life LARPing as Omega Doom - no I don’t expect you to catch that reference! He doesn’t need to drink! He is literally reliving the best day of his life forever. And even if it did mean personal growth, the idea that a person could make what would be, unequivocally, the most selfish decision in human history, and then spend his life celebrating the outcome, oh but if he overcame a personal demon in the process then on balance that’s maturity? That is lightspeed solipsism! Who are you if you think that way? Are you all Adam Sandler???

And none of that makes this a bad ending, or Gary a bad character. I mean, he is the reason The World’s End is my least favorite, and I don’t like the ending, but I don’t think it’s bad that I don’t like the ending. Rather than watch another addict pull his life together or destroy himself, we watch a downward spiral with so much gravity the whole world self-destructs alongside him. And that’s why The World’s End is the most interesting of the three: it is a bold choice, and I think we are free to feel however we want about the conclusion Gary engineered for himself. I don’t think it’s valid to pretend it didn’t happen.

In the context of the trilogy, we see that Shaun’s immaturity is mostly a problem for Shaun: he would be, at worst, a footnote in the lives of the people who love him; “yeah, I liked Shaun a lot, but I couldn’t carry him through life anymore.” Nicholas is the kind of overachiever that is useful if pointed in the right direction; juvenile code of ethics aside, he is, empirically, helping the community (within the entirely fictional framework where that’s a thing police do). If the world hadn’t changed to turn their flaws into strengths, they would still be relatively harmless. Gary is what happens when immaturity isn’t harmless, and shows us how a world built by that immaturity would look.

There is an appeal to Gary King, a wish fulfillment. Letting your id fully off the leash because you no longer care what anybody thinks - it’s why some people drink, and it’s why some people would like to drink with Gary. But if that’s not just your Friday night, not just your twenties, but that’s your life? There is a destination at the end of that road, and it’s Gary doing something truly ugly. And we see that ugly thing the way Gary sees it: as awesome. But then you see the reality: the Monday morning after the Friday night. We went out with Gary and he did something terrible.

And I’m not telling you to hate Gary for it; I’m not saying Gary can’t be forgiven. In fact, seeing it for what it is is the only way Gary could be forgiven, because, if he “grew up and took responsibility,” there’s nothing to forgive.

I think this is the only way the trilogy could have ended. I mean, you make stories about boys who get older and older and don’t grow up, it eventually becomes a problem. There’s only two ways to resolve it: you either end with a guy actually sorting his shit out, or you go for broke and show what happens if he doesn’t. And I think some of us boys saw that and said, “no, noooo, they did grow up! all three of them!” rather than say, “haha! hahaaa! ……………shit.”

[psychedelic-ink]

hello everyone! here you'll find all the fics I've written for the haunted hoedown! like I said before I won't be doing kinktober this year so this is my mini kinktober for the year 2023 🎃 i tried to add more characters from my other fandoms but once again i ended up using mostly pedro characters lol whoops

hope y'all enjoy the hoedown and keep it spooky everyone! 🦇

find all fics on AO3

♡ DAY ONE ➡ 𝐒𝐖𝐄𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆. stepbrother!frankie x santi's gf!reader

taboo au + "i'll be your dirty little secret, if that's what you're into."

♡ DAY TWO ➡ 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄. dave york x f!reader

murder plot au (lets kill this person together) + "crawl to me"

♡ DAY THREE ➡ 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐒 𝐆𝐎 𝐓𝐎 𝐇𝐄𝐋𝐋. priest!ezra x f!reader

priest au + “worship me. until i tell you to stop.”

♡ DAY FOUR ➡ 𝐂𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐍. ai-enhanced!miguel o’hara x f!reader

artificial intelligence au + "here, you are. you tiny thing."

♡ DAY FIVE ➡ 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐔𝐄𝐓. animal shapeshifter!pero tovar x f!reader

animal shapeshifter au + "you're not actually scared are you? of me?"

♡ DAY SIX ➡ 𝐂𝐑𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘. joel miller x f!reader

slasher / summer camp au + sex in the woods or somewhere public (added bonus if it includes knife, blood, hunter x prey kink)

♡ DAY SEVEN ➡ 𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐑𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒. jack daniels x f!reader

cosmic horror au + "you're a fucking nightmare. kiss me."

♡ DAY EIGHT ➡ 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐘𝐒𝐒. cult leader!din djarin x f!reader

cult au + “do you like it when i bleed for you?”

♡ DAY NINE ➡ 𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐆𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖. tasm!peter parker x f!reader

zombie apocalypse au + "every moment might be our last, let's make the most of it."

♡ DAY TEN ➡ 𝐁𝐋𝐔𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐓. marcus pike x f!reader

inspired by your favorite lana del rey song + “don't you know how sick with love i am for you?”

♡ DAY ELEVEN ➡ 𝐎𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐊. fallen angel!joel miller x f!reader

cyberpunk au + fallen angel au + “i will keep hurting. i will keep killing. anything to protect you.”

♡ DAY TWELVE ➡ 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐗𝐆𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐒. oberyn martell x f!reader x max phillips

vampire court au + "forever isn't long enough for me to forgive you."

some of the works above will contain dark themes and situations. if that is not your thing please just skip them. every fic will have additional warnings. minors please dni.

if you like what you see please reblog and comment to show support 🖤

[r0-boat]

Almost forgot about the zombie apocalypse one

Whb angelfication infection AU

Based off of my zombie apocalypse poll

Lore:

Angelification has gotten far worse than anyone would have anticipated. Even the angels themselves trembled in fear when they realized that it was much more than a way to convert and kill devils as they saw what their own eyes, one of their own kind, becoming infected. Not even humans are safe as the barriers between humans hell and angels have fully broken. As numbers of demon and Angel and human alike begin to dwindle.

there was still hope since All Seven Kings were still alive. However negotiation with humans are very difficult... Most angels went into hiding drowning and guilt of what they've done

The seraphim realizing that this must be a punishment from God team up with the devil's helping to push back against the infection....

Many devils still stayed loyal to their kings, Though others became more and more dangerous seeking power, as all that's left is their will to survive.

You are somewhere in either the human world or hell they can still feel that you're alive. So they are racing to find you before something else does.

Satan

Gehenna is full of nasty demons twisted by the will to survive. Many demons that are doing okay are ones you shouldn't get your self involved with.

The Gehenna faction is still strong, their castle is turned into a makeshift stronghold. And it is considered the safest protected by bloodthirsty devil's wanting nothing more than to protect their last piece of home. Is also the biggest home to many survivors demons angels and humans alike. However tensions always arise.

Satan is actually scavenging in the human world and trying to find You; with their king gone the two devils in second command are Amy and Sitri. Gehenna is honestly your safest bet But it's not perfect. Everyone from the fraction are most helpful and sometimes even go out to help other groups or factions. And they are encouraged to do so.

Mammon

With their currency now useless you would think Tartaros would fall in an instant. But are also wealthy and resources being a gold mine of food, water and other supplies. However their trades always come at a cost since they too are also surviving on these very same supplies.

Money does very little for them at the moment But if there's anything else that catch their eye They will let you know. Devils from Tartaros are mostly merchants trying to trade.

Mammon has ways to find you without him lifting a finger, like using drones or paying people with the finest treasures to bring you. Right now they need to focus on more automation So they could grow more food in the long run They are practically reliant on machines since none of the survivors in Tartaros want to actually do physical labor.

Leviathan

Foras' invisibility ability comes in great handy since he is able to sneak past most if not all attention he could go and find you while Levi deals with Hades.

Hades is actually doing quite well with a strict regimen of fighters and devil so loyal to Levi it's practically brainwashing. Hades is usually self-reliant not relying on other countries or whatnot. No one can get in but no one can get out.

Leviathan however isn't doing so good. His psychee on the verge of a breakdown as he thinks about you every night His breath shaking after waking up from nightmares upon nightmares upon night terrors. He promised to keep you safe. This isn't safe. You are not safe. He will not rest He will not sleep until you're found and once you are found he will never let you go. His subordinates are also well aware of leviathan's mental decay.

Beelzebub Bael

He has no idea where Beel is He's worried sick He doesn't even know if his king is still alive. He hasn't stepped foot in abyssos since the outbreak. Hell he doesn't even know how to contact him anymore. Before he leave all he said was "I'm going to find them." And left.

Much of Abyssos had also taken the same idea as their king as they found that scavenging for more supplies as far easier than relying on wherever the fuck Tartaros is doing and they're acting king is sure to keep this place safe for when the people return with more supply.

Abyssos is a labyrinth of secret tunnels in passageways and passwords. But for good reason since they scavenge the most they tend to have the rarest items that even Mammons would love to get his hands on.

Lucifer

Lucifer is worried about you He is worried sick but he has far more pressing matters to tend to. His new rule in Paradise lost that Only doctors and the sick can reside here. Nothing else can get in so Paradise loss is the safest place if you can manage to make it there and even then if you're healthy they'll either put you to work or turn you away.

Lucifer himself is not tending anyone He's actually studying the process of angelification and the infection and trying to reverse it. His work is far more important since he could save many many lies He just... He just needs more time.

When Lucifer isn't researching He leaves with his two brothers trying to find either samples or trying to look for any leads to where you might be. In exchange for this information they will give their services.

Belphegor

He can't sleep, how can he in the same boat as Leviathan he experiences those same nightmares and night terrors and the only thing more hassle than being awake is having a nightmare. His body is not used to This little amount of sleep. If his narcolepsy isn't taking effect then he has not sleeping plain and simple.

Human world energy drinks are a lifesaver. So he would be awake for a week pass out and fall asleep for another week. With days of night terrors. He could just use his powers to find you but with so little energy he can't even control it at the moment. But Harumon So heartbroken and on the verge of tears at his friends takes up the mental to go find you himself. Thinking that if he did everything will go back to normal.

Niffleheim being the strict regimen is a very safe place if you're willing to put in a lot of work as soon as they let you in you are trained to fight in combat and either sent to protect niffleheim or sent out to kill as many of those motherfuckers as possible. If you're lucky you might also be sent to other countries in the human world or hell to help.

Asmodeus

These devils may serve asmodeus. But they also think that Asmodeus should be king of all hell... Asmodeus does not mind their way of thinking but does not make an effort to change So with a boiling over pressure cooker it just takes the right moment... The red prison has been destroyed...

Things are not always bad in Abaddon however. Asmodeus has a cult now. They're loyalty two asmodeus is terrifying as his subordinates and members of the red prison go far and wide to recruit more members or just you know having fun with their freedom....

Asmodeus... Doesn't give two shits. I mean technically he is helping... All he has to do is tell them what to do and they'll do it. He seems to be enjoying his life as the god of his new cult... Yes he could be actually helping, but he has greater plans. He might use threats and his cult as a bargaining chip to have you completely, But those are only his thoughts.

Asmodeus potential good guy or villain: Yes???

[autisticandroids]

au fics part one: true aus

alright i'm a little late to the current round of @spnficrecfest. on account of I Hauve Covid. that's also why i missed the long fic / short fic round, and i will go back and do that at some point, but not yet. anyway. two fic rec lists for this round. one for true aus, and one for canon-a-little-to-the-left aus.

i'm actually not a huge fan of true aus, especially not for spn, but there are a few really fabulous ones out there. these are some of those.

in order of wordcount.

sparks fly by anandroidinatutu, 1k

cas and meg as teenagers in court ordered group therapy >:3.

it's a wonderful life by ghostyouknow, 3k, chose not to warn

weird and amazing megstiel fic. a pwp with worldbuilding, somehow. the omegaverse zombie apocalypse. this is a serious favorite for me, i've read it many times. just top tier megstiel fic.

25¢ pocket guardian angels by hopelessheathen, 13k

oh my god, this fic. this fic. this is a VERY weird one in the best ways. like it's just a traditional destiel romance but also it's like. wondrous. fantastical. a joyous read. i would also personally recommend the podfic by gravelly, it's lovely.

with sure certainty by andimeantittosting, 16k

extremely cute destiel regency au. that's it.

embryonic diapause anthology by wayward_demonbard, 30k

a series of four distinct destiel aus centered around the concept of embryonic diapause. all of them are weird, creative, and angsty. some of the more unique fics i've come across.

issues by everandanon, 63k

the thing about me is i love mess and i love drama. and that means i love issues. it's just a plain old mundane au, but it's all miscommunication and character drama in the most fun ways. and i love cas.

a beginner's guide to communing with the dead by suspiciousflashlight, 77k, chose not to warn

i know i've been trying not to rec fics that are too popular, but there comes a point where you've reread a fic twice to remind yourself that you like fanfiction where you have to be honest and rec it. dean is a magic cop and cas is a creature he summons, illegally. they fight crime.

the dean winchester beat sheet by saltyfeathers, 144k

hey man, it's beat sheet. you didn't think i was gonna not recommend beat sheet, did you? if you haven't read beat sheet, you should read beat sheet. come on now.

[noneorother]

By far the dumbest movie reference no one caught in Good Omens is : The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse

I'm working on a theory that requires many hours of movie watching, so here we are. Many people have already mentioned that the nazi zombies/Furfur is a The League of Gentlemen comedy troupe shoutout. But I'm taking it one step crazier. Remember the opening scene from the 1941 minisode of S2E4, the one with the london bombing and the Angel statue in the bottom right corner ?

Haha sorry my bad. That's the climax intro scene of the movie The League of Gentlemen's Apocalypse. Here's the opening scene of the 1941 minisode:

You can excuse the confusion after seeing both, with how they look pretty much identical (yes this is giving me The Tales of Hoffmann PTSD, thanks for asking) And it's not very coincidental when you know who helped write the minisode.

You know, just the fourth member of The League of Gentlemen and writer of the movie LG Apocalypse. So shall we tease out all the (I'm warning you) EXTREMELY dumb quotes and story beats this terrible movie has lent to the 1941 episode? There are quite a few. But there's also a potential story arc that isn't so dumb... (TW offensive comedy, including mild gore)

In order to understand this you probably have to know a bit of background on British show The League of Gentlemen. "[A] surreal British comedy horror sitcom... follows the lives of bizarre characters, most of whom are played by three of the show's four writers – Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton, and Reece Shearsmith – who, along with Jeremy Dyson, formed the League of Gentlemen comedy troupe in 1995." You don't need to know all of the characters or backstory of the show, just that it's a fictional town with many fictional characters played by the same three writers (and an invisible fourth).

(Also known as all these people right here) Want to know who they plays a stand-in for Jeremy Dyson in LG Apocalypse and gets murdered first with black marker on his face?

Say hello, baby Sheen!

So we've seen the bombing scene, what about the car driving through fire and Aziraphale's suggestive line at the beginning?

Yup.

Do the characters make a deal with a Reece Shearsmith character to enter the real world through a church?

HECK YEAH. Bonus points for the green background.

A gag about fake lips with Steve? Sure.

Steve Pemberton seen here as a nazi zombie, and also here playing "Herr Lipp" (also known in the actual script as "the worst pun in the world" in the movie. Groan). What about Mark Gatiss Stealing binoculars from Steve to spy on two important characters? But of course.

Surely not the arm falling off too?

Oh dang. It's a big plot point in LG Apocalypse you say? Then, in the climax, does someone in dark sunglasses who doesn't know how a rifle works fire it at a main character, and the other character who he misses says fuck? Now you're pulling off my arm..

Well I'll be damned. The only difference here being Steve's head exploding, naturally.

I'll admit, I have trouble seeing where a giant 3 headed chimera beast that destroys a bunch of characters fits in at the end of the 1941 miniode, but I don't think 1941 is meant to be a stand in for the whole movie, because at that point in the movie the role of the main characters shifts to become the real versions of Shearsmith and Gatiss, not the characters. But even though the end of the movie doesn't track with 1941, I think the moral at the end is interesting : "In the church, Lipp says he will kill Gatiss. The other characters try to dissuade him, saying that once all the writers are dead, Royston Vasey will cease to exist and they will die. Lipp claims that they will in fact be better off, because as long as they're controlled by someone else they have no free will and can never change for the better. Tipps tells Lipp that because he saved the day and can therefore change, Lipp need not kill Gatiss. He persuades Lipp to hand him the gun, only for Tipps to accidentally fire it and kill Gatiss.

With all the writers now apparently dead, the residents of Royston Vasey prepare for the worst. Instead, everything calms down and The Apocalypse is averted. The characters realise they now have free will. Herr Lipp adopts some orphaned children, the vet, Mr Chinnery, finds a rabbit and is able to take care of it without killing it, and Bernice and Pauline become romantically involved. Tipps leaves the church, waving goodbye to Edward, Tubbs and Papa Lazarou. It appears that Royston Vasey can continue to exist independently of its dead creators." This struggle for free will outside of the plan originally set out by their creators, especially in the context of said creators not really caring about them anymore, really starts sending red flags up for me. Crowley's existential crisis at the beginning of S2E1 seems to be mulling over similar themes. The lack of any God narrator as in season 1 might be a change in storytelling technique, but might also point the the creator being absent, or having moved on without really letting her original creation know it gets to exist on it's own now. Funnily enough, this is the second movie with shot for shot quotes throughout, that places a specific set of characters at the center of their own deeper plot that has a meta level to the storytelling. I'm starting to think there's a pattern here...

_______________________________________ Here's my series on the Tales of Hoffmann, another movie hidden within the series.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi there! First off, thank you so much for y’all’s work here on Tumblr, def one of my main sources of fic recs.

I read Summer’s End by FeralTuxedo a while ago (lovely rec) and am definitely back in my TLOU-apocalyptic-setting-with-a-moody-but-calm/nature-esk-atmosphere-and-character-centred-plot era again. I just genuinely enjoyed the specific atmosphere that the apocalyptic setting gives works. Anyway, that being said, I would love any recs that would fit that kind of vibe (I would prefer less smut since I skip over it but honestly as long as it isn’t specifically plot-relevant its fine lol also not TOO much angst please, I cant deal with Az or Crow actually dying or something like that unless it is done in a comforting way).

ps: on a more specific request, if y’all know of any GO fics inspired by TLOU I would greatly appreciate recs (look, Bill and Frank’s episode in the tv adaptation is screaming to be written as a fic with Az and Crow instead- Bill and Frank’s deaths are wht I mean by deaths done in a comforting way I suppose, haha).

Wow, this is a long request, so sorry. Thank you so much for reading, have a great day and happy new year!

Hello! Pretty sure we've recommended almost all of these before, but there aren't loads of this kind of fic (and I could find no The Last of Us specific fics)...

Dead Genres by A_plus_platypus (T)

The end is nigh when a zombie virus ravages the world. Luckily, there is hope yet in the form of pharmaceutical scientist Anthony "Just Crowley" Crowley. With his adopted younger brother Adam, his other three kids The Them, and English teacher Aziraphale Fell, he searches for the fated military base in Tadfield. There, they — along with the rest of the world — have a chance at survival. And also Crowley is a disaster, and Aziraphale is a disaster, and everyone needs a hot cup of tea.

what's to come by PepperPrints, restlesslikeme (M)

Post-Apocalyptic AU. Even without the Antichrist, both Heaven and Hell insist on Armageddon. Aziraphale is missing and Crowley sets out to find him, driving through a scorched Earth with a witch in his passenger seat.

is there anybody out there? by theycallmeDernhelm (E)

Welcome to the zombie apocalypse. England has been overrun by walking corpses, everything's gone to hell, and the few survivors are scattered- among them, Crowley and his 11-year-old son Warlock. When Crowley's radio signal is unexpectedly picked up by another group of survivors, he finds himself falling, in a way he never thought he'd fall again, for the charming and kindly Aziraphale. Over three seasons and a tenuous radio connection, a romance develops between them, while a friendship grows between Warlock and Aziraphale's nephew Adam. Love isn't dead (or undead) after all.

Ouroboros Forever and One by iblankedonmyname (T)

An AU where the Apocalypse-Definitely-Did, Aziraphale is a cowboy and Crowley is on a mission from God to reboot the universe. “God gave you, a demon, a mission?” Aziraphale snaps his glass onto the table. “Millions of angels at Her disposal, and yet…” His eyes are sparkling again. It’s more refreshing than a glass of tequila in a waterless land. “You?” His eyes slip from Crowley’s toes up to the top of his head. “Well, I am certainly surprised.”

Zombie Apocalypse by AppleSeeds (T)

When a meteor strikes Earth carrying a virus that can 'turn people into zombies', Aziraphale finds himself responsible for a group of frightened teenagers at an airbase-turned-hospital in Tadfield. Aziraphale is terrified, but experiences some relief when the teens introduce him to Crowley, who has a plan to get them all to safety. When things don't exactly go according to plan and with the zombies closing in, Aziraphale must face his fears in order to protect the children from becoming infected.

My Favorite Ghost by cassieoh_draws, DiminishingReturns (T)

Decades after the world didn’t end, Heaven and Hell got their war — and nearly destroyed everything in the process. When Aziraphale finally manages to reacquire a corporation and return to Earth, he discovers he was gone longer than he thought and the planet has become unrecognizable. As he searches for Crowley and tries to figure out how he fits in a world that Heaven, Hell, and God have all wiped their hands of, nature works around him to reclaim the bones of an old civilization as the scraps of humanity build a new one. A lush and optimistic post-apocalypse story, told from the POV of an immortal who can't let go of the past.

And the one you mentioned...

Summer's End by FeralTuxedo (E)

2095. Britain is a post-apocalyptic wasteland ravaged by droughts, the collapse of civilisation, and hordes of the undead. Despite that, Aziraphale’s life is actually pretty good. He has his caravan, his books, and his work, offering his services to the men who stop by Tadfield on their arduous journey north. One day, a mysterious stranger knocks on his door. Crowley is charming and handsome and he appears to know his way around a vegetable garden. He comes with the tempting offer of a mutually beneficial arrangement. But it’s in Aziraphale’s best interest not to get too attached. A dystopian cottagecore sex worker AU.

- Mod D

[jacks347]

Would the listeners survive a zombie apocalypse? (In my slightly sarcastic, completely subjective opinion)

Idk man, I'm bored and got time to kill in church so here we are

(Tagging this is going to be a nightmare-)

(Edit from the future: It was. It really was.)

Redacted:

For sake of my sanity this isn't all the listeners, just the ones I'm still actively keeping up with (I'll get to the others...eventually)

Angel - Solid maybe. Out of all the unempowereds, definitely has one of the highest chances. But it would take an extreme streak of luck.

Babe - No...I'm sorry but no. Would be like one of those extras that you see eaten in the first minute of a horror movie.

Sweetheart - Probably. Can a zombie detect someone invisible? Sweetheart is smart enough to survive, they'll be fine.

Darlin - Yes if they have Sam to hold them back from sacrificing themself for the "greater good". No if they're left completely to their own devices.

Lovely - Depends on the version. Pre Adam, no. Pre Inversion, maybe? Post Inversion, definitely. Hard to die to a zombie apocalypse when you're a) already dead and b) literally immortal.

Treasure - Okay, I know Treasure is the newest addition to the roster and we haven't had a lot of time to see their personality develop but as of now? Yeah...no.

Freelancer - They'll do it on -3 hours of sleep simply out of spite. Freelancer has been through enough, they're just tired. They'd survive but begrudgingly.

Honey - Honey would survive out of spite and spite alone. Would definitely have that baseball bat from The Walking Dead.

GBA:

Guardian - ...you're kidding, right?

Darling - Yeah...no. Soft bby would never.

Faithful - Possibly? That stubborn attitude and medical abilities would help but has absolutely no combat training so ehhhhh, it depends.

Paradise - If she can break a pirate crew out of space Fort Knox and wrangle Yargwynn, a zombie apocalypse is pocket change. Paradise would own an apocalypse.

Partner - I swear I'll stop bullying the new additions. Once they're worth not bullying. The man made the zombie apocalypse, I guess we're gonna find out if he survives won't we? I'm not hopeful though.

Escaped:

Asset - No one in ATW even knows how to do basic math, the only way any of them survive is through sheer force of which they might actually be successful. So maybe.

Raven - Yes but she would have a mental breakdown about it so she would not be the same on the other side.

Slash - ...seriously?

Guest - Hm, a trained vampire slayer in a zombie apocalypse, I wonder what would happen! Obviously she'd be fine.

Intern - Entirely dependent on who they're trying to keep alive. If it's just them, probably. If it's them and the rest of their merry band of misfits, no.

Future Wife - You're funny. RIP my girl, no one will know her husband broke the fuckin timeline for some pancakes.

Agent Schäfer - Once the shock and panic wore off, yeah she'd be fine. Hope she doesn't get eaten during that freeze.

("Where's Lass?" When Desmond returns for more than five minutes, come talk to me about listening to Blue Infinity)

Nomad:

Pack Mom - Definitely. We already know she's a deadly shot and wasn't afraid to shoot a living person, a dead one would be fine. She will be perfectly fine.

Lass - Yes. Not with as much overwhelming power as Pack Mom but she'd get through it. I mean...she has formal sword training, I think she'd do okay.

Little One - Probably not. Out of the original Frosthaven romances, they are the least likely to survive. They'd put up a good fight though.

Lamb - Yes and no. Physically, she'd be just fine. Mentally, I don't know if she could do it. Slipping back into that killer mindset might just drag her under.

Chester's mate - Probably not. Out of all the new Frosthaven romances, they're the most average. They'd try though.

Harlow's roommate - No. I love them but no. Not our slightly stupid boat captain.

Caltraxus' TA - Yes and they'd hate it every step of the way. Would survive completely hungover if that was an option.

The Doctor - Probably? If not by her own merit then definitely through someone else cause everyone needs a doctor in the apocalypse.

Beau's mate - Yes. Literally fought a bear once. She will be just fine.

(The lack of fandom names for Nomad's listeners saddens me greatly. And also makes my work so much harder)

This was so dumb but I had fun so :P

[daddy-dins-girl]

Pedro Boys - "Zombie Apocalypse Team"

this might be my favourite one yet... keep reading for headcanons!

related posts: Pedro Boys "During a Fire Emergency" Pedro Boys "Nice Argument. Unfortunately," Pedro Boys "Don't Fuck This Up" Pedro Boys "Dad(dy) Matrix" Pedro Boys & Stabbing Pedro Boys "Lawful/Neutral/Chaotic" Pedro Boys "Feral/Sad/Angelic" Pedro Boys Respond to "I love you." Pedro Boys "Character Tropes" Pedro Boys "Gay/Depressed/Horny on Main" Pedro Boys "Dad/THOT/Bastard" Pedro Boys "bring some Coke to the party" Pedro Boys "I Want a Baby" Pedro Boys "As Babysitters" Pedro Boys "As McDonald's Dads" Pedro Boys "in a horror movie" Pedro Boys "Cinnamon Rolls" Pedro Boys "5 Kids, 3 Chairs" Pedro Boys "Playing Monopoly"

Headcanons under the cut!

Leader - Dave York. Simply put, Dave wouldn’t allow anyone else to be in charge of him, regardless if they’d be better suited for it. Some of the others follow him out of fear, others simply because they'd just prefer not to be in charge.

Brawler - Joel Miller. The muscle. Not so great with his words, much better with his fists.

Weapons Expert - Din Djarin. A bonafide space cowboy, this man has it all. Blasters, rifles, flamethrower, jet pack. Evaporating infected before they even see him coming.

Brains - Marcus Moreno. Truly the Team Leader, but he lets Dave hold the title. He has the mutual respect of everyone, is level headed and the glue that holds the whole group together. He advises Dave, but in a way that makes Dave think they’re his own ideas. Marcus doesn't need to take any credit, he just wants everyone to be safe.

Medic - Frankie "Catfish" Morales. He’s no doctor, but he's had enough basic field medical training in his military days to at least be able to patch everyone up better than anyone else on the team. He’d prefer to be the Vehicle Expert but sadly, modes of transportation in the apocalypse are hard to come by.

Moral Support - Marcus Pike. Always looking at the bright side of the apocalypse. He likes to joke “when life hands you cordyceps, make mushroom tetrazzini”.

Scientist - Ezra. Not exactly Einstein, but he knows what berries and plants are safe and which to avoid during long treks through the wilderness. He’s proven himself useful more so than not. Mostly he keeps Dieter from accidentally un-aliving himself.

Risk taker - Max Phillips. Loud and outspoken, Max's mouth is always getting the group into trouble. Good luck to any infected that tries to turn him though, his ego is so big its like a thick candy shell around the vulnerable parts of his brain.

Stealthy - Oberyn Martell. Forget sniping infected from 100 yards away, this man simply sneaks up behind them and with some flourishing footwork they're on the ground with any sharp object he could get his hands on slicing through the flesh of their throat. He's also stealthy in the way he manages to slip into the others' sleeping bags without them evening realizing at the time that they want him to, but that's a headcanon for another post...

Dumbass - Dieter Bravo. It's not that he wants to die, it's just that he seems to occasionally forget that he can't just eat the fungus as if it came in a Ziplock bag that he use to pay 40 bucks a pop for.

Badass - Javier Peña. This man just continuously takes down infected as if they might actually come to an end. He knows that as quickly as he takes down one colony, four more spring up, but he's stubborn and refuses to stop trying, regardless of how tired he is of it all.

Mascot - Javi Gutierrez. He is babygirl. To be protected at all costs.

Distraction - Jack "Whiskey" Daniels. A real root-tootin, gun-blazin cowboy. Jack never needs to be asked twice to go put on a spectacle in the middle of an open field, gathering all the attention so the rest of the group can flank all sides under brush cover. He seems to have nine lives too, narrowly escaping death more times than any other. And he can handle his own. He argued for the spot of Weapons Expert but ultimately was swayed when he realized being the distraction actually meant being the center of attention.

Stereotype - Pero Tovar. One look at this man screams "if anyone was going to survive a zombie apocalypse, it's him"

Sacrifice - Dio. Look, it was his idea. The weird part was that nobody even asked him to.

First Dead - Eddie. It's just facts. In a long line of Pedro Boys deaths, someone had to be first.

Reply or reblog with your own headcanons, I'd love to hear them :)

[vidavalor]

A little theory about "no nightingales" and how it's actually not too meta...

In S1, when Crowley is trying to get Aziraphale to help him stop the apocalypse, he lists everything he can think of that will no longer exist, right? In S2, the "no nightingales" moment refers to this but more directly relating it to their relationship which is, of course, what makes it heartbreaking *but* one of Good Omens' fun tricks is presenting flashbacks out of sequence that interconnect and layer, giving more meaning to the ones that came before. Think about how much more layered it is now when Aziraphale says he wants to restart his magic act in S1 now that we know about what happened in 1941... about how the Edinburgh flashback illuminated Holy Water era, etc.? S3 will do this, too, and I'd bet hard that it'll involve this song and The Blitz again. Why The Blitz again?

Well, it's the only era we've revisited twice already and it's the big book-saving moment and also someone has to kill the Zombie Nazis since they don't appear to be wandering around still lol. "A Nightingale Sings in Berkeley Square" was first performed just prior to The Blitz and would have been a popular song of the era. It also includes the line "angels were dining at the Ritz", as we know, which is not just something they finally did in S1 but was Aziraphale's idea of a date when he gave Crowley the holy water in the '60s, in the follow up (thematically) scene to The Blitz that we've had so far. So what *else* happened in 1941?

When Crowley says "no nightingales" in S2 is he actually referring to a night he and Aziraphale had after offing some Zombie Nazis during the war? Maybe they went to a jazz club. Maybe it was a date. Maybe they heard this song then and it became something of a code for them when talking about how they felt about one another and this thing they didn't quite think they could have but wanted and now they both knew the other wanted it, too.

So, in the '60's scene, Aziraphale isn't just randomly like maybe one day we could dine at the Ritz-- he'd love to, objectivity-speaking, sure-- but he's actually referring back to 1941 and "A Nightingale Sings in Berkeley Square". It was already a thing between them by this point. So when Crowley says "no nightingales" in the present, he's actually referring to their Blitz/Soho/S1 shorthand for their relationship and the romance it can and does have. He's not referring to the song or the bird that only we and God heard in S1. It's also why The Bentley plays the song when, to date, we've only ever heard it play *over* the show, not inside it. It's because we don't yet know the full history of it existing in their relationship yet.

[justwhisperingfantasies]

I Can't Let You Go Prt 2

Characters: Sam Winchester x Female Reader, Dean Winchester, Castiel. Bobby Singer. Crowley. Death. Lucifer. Adam. Michael. Mention of other SPN characters.

Warnings: Language, Fluff, Angst, Hurt Dean, Sam, Reader, Bobby, and Cas. Guns, Cannon violence. Cannon with a twist. Let me know if I forgot any.

Summary: You have known Sam Winchester most of your life. He was your best friend and you were completely in love with him. The day after he decides to take on Lucifer and put him back in the cage is the day he finally makes himself tell you how he truly feels about you.

Word count: 6,364 words

A/N: I know it's been a while, I had a hard time writing this because I knew where it was headed. Sorry for the wait. Hope ya'll enjoy it. 💗

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You woke in the familiar room alone. You looked around and saw your duffle in the corner. Sam must have brought it up for you. You walked over and opened it. You found a clean pair of jeans and a gray V-neck shirt. Eh, that will work you thought. 

“Rise and shine,” Sam said as he walked in the door holding a cup of coffee. 

“Mmmm Thank you,” you said then sipped. “Oh, Dean coffee.”

He chuckled as he sat down on the bed. “Actually I made Dean show me how to make the “world’s best coffee”. He playfully mocked you. 

You squinted your eyes at him” Watch it, Winchester.”

You closed the door and started changing. Sam let out a whistle and you rolled your eyes. He waited until you got dressed then grabbed you pulling you down to straddle him. You twisted your fingers in his hair as you kissed his lips. His arms wrapped tightly around you as he laid his head on your shoulder. Your arms hugged around his neck. 

“So what's on the agenda for today?” 

“Well, Dean and Crowley are going to confront death and the rest of us will stop this pharm company.” He explained the virus outbreak and the vaccines. 

“And we trust Crowley now?!”

“I don’t think we have a choice. Plus he seems to want Lucifer back in the cage as much as we do.”

. “I guess. So when are we leaving?”

“Tonight.”

“Alright. We should get everything ready.” 

“Yeah probably.” he agreed but neither of you let go. 

“Sam.” 

“Yeah, Yeah,” he sighed as he squeezed you and then loosened his arms. You stood up and bent back down giving him a quick kiss making him smile. 

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As you tossed the last bag in your truck Dean shut the Impala trunk. “Alright, well good luck stopping the zombie apocalypse,” he said 

“Yeah, Good luck killing death,” Sam replied. You could see the worry in their eyes. Sam chuckled. “Do you remember when we used to just hunt Wendigos? Back when everything was simple?”

“Ha. Not really.” Dean smiled. 

“Yeah, well you might need this,” Sam said holding out the demon blade to Dean. 

“Actually, Dean is covered,” Crowley said popping out of thin air. Holding out a scythe to Dean. “Deaths own, known to kill demons, angels, reapers, and rumored to kill the very thing itself. 

“Where did you get that?” Cas asked 

“I'm the king of the crossroads. Remember?” Crowley smiled.  “Bobby you just going to sit there?”

“No, I’m gonna river dance?!” Bobby sneered. 

“Oh, Bobby. You really wasted that deal. ” everyone looked at Crowley confused. “You get more if you phrase it properly,” he explained how he added a tiny sub-a clause for Bobby. “So, just gonna sit there?”

Bobby moved his feet. Everyone looked at him in disbelief. Then he stands up. “ Son of a bitch!” he remarks. Everyone smiled at him. 

“Yes, completely worth your soul. I know I’m a hell of a guy.” Crowley smiled.

“Thanks,” Bobby said truly meaning it. 

“Yes, can we go?” Crowley asked walking to the passenger side of the Impala.

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As Bobby drove, Sam sat next to you explaining his plan to Cas.

“That's an interesting plan,” Castiel said after thinking about it for a second. 

“That's a word for it.” Bobby scoffed. 

“Not the one I would use.” You said. Sam put his hand on your thigh for comfort.

“Go ahead Cas. Tell me it's the worst plan you've ever heard,” he said playfully squeezing your leg. 

“Well I could, but that’s not what I think,” Cas said. 

“Really?!” you and Sam said at the same time. 

“ You and Dean have exceeded my expectations time and time again, he resisted Michael maybe you could beat Lucifer,” Cas explained. “However since Adam said yes, if you say yes, then fail. The fight will happen, and the collateral will be immense.”

You felt Sam’s body stiffen beside you. You grabbed Sam’s hand and placed it in your lap lacing your fingers together. 

“And then there’s the demon blood,” Cas said.

“Wait what are you talking about?!” You asked

“ To take on Lucifer, Sam would have to consume more than he ever has. It strengthens the vessel. Keeps it from exploding.” Cas explained. 

“But the guy he's in now…” Sam started. 

“Is drinking gallons.” Castiel cut him off.

“No fucking way!” you said. 

“Yeah. How is this not the worst plan you've ever heard?” Bobby looked at Castiel. 

Sam’s jaw tightened and you could see in his face how difficult this was for him. Taking his hand out of yours he placed his face in his palms.  “Sam..”

“Let's just get this done and we can all argue when we get back to Bobby’s. Okay?” Sam cut you off in a harsh tone, you turned and looked out your window blinking back tears. 

The rest of the ride was complete silence. 

You guys finally reached Niveus Pharmaceuticals and staked out the place for a bit. 4 yellow semi trucks were being loaded on a truck dock. While observing  Bobby went over the plan. “ they are loading the hot shots now. The first truck doesn't leave for an hour. We get in plant the c-4 then pull the fire alarm.”

“Um, that truck is leaving.” Castiel points. 

“Balls! Ok, new plan.”

Cas runs to the escaping truck. As the driver tries to slide his key card to unlock the gate Castiel knocks him out causing his head to land on the horn. The demons on the dock all look up. 

“It’s the Winchesters.” one of them said as he started pulling down and locking the doors.

“Well then let’s cook up something for them,” the other demon said ripping into a box of vaccines.   You, Sam, and Bobby run to the dock doors, but you are too late.

“Side door!” Bobby yells. As you approach the side door you can hear people inside banging on the door and yelling for help. 

“Get Back” you yell and you shoot the lock on the door. The people ran out frightened. The 3 of you walk in guns drawn.  You hear grunting and some thumping. You and Sam look to Bobby. He slides the backpack of explosives off his shoulders and Sam does the same. Bobby signals you guys to follow him. You round a corner of shelves to find 6 humans infected with the Croatoan virus ripping a guy to shreds. 6 pairs of red eyes turn to you. You cock your cocks at the same time. You guys manage to take them all out before they reach you.

“HELP ME!!” a woman nearby screams. 

“There's still people in here,” Sam says as he starts to walk in the direction of the screams. 

“Sam wait,” you said 

“Take this and stay here.” He says handing you the demon blade. 

“Damnit,” you said as you took the blade.  Sam continues into the warehouse aiming his shotgun. 

Bobby turns to face you. “(y/n) behind you.”

You turn around and there’s a demon. You stab him in his side with the blade killing him. 

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“Hey, do you think we can stop for pizza?” Crowley asked Dean as they walked up to an abandoned building. 

“Are you kidding?!” 

“Just heard it was good.” He pointed at the barn ahead. “He’s in there.”

“How do you know?”

“Have you met me? I know. Plus the block is squirming with reapers.” Crowley said as he looked around. “I’ll be right back.” and Crowley disappeared.  

Two seconds later he reappeared. “Boy, is my face red. He's not in there.”

“You wana cut the bullshit and tell me where he is?” Dean snapped

“Sorry, I'm not sure. We can catch him in the next doomed city.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?! Bobby sold his soul for this?”

“Don't worry there’s a return policy.” Crowley ensured him. 

“Millions crowley! Millions of people are going to die any minute now.” Dean yelled.

“Yeah, so I suggest we get out of here!” Crowley said as he walked away. 

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Back at the pharm warehouse, you started to get anxious. You began to walk in the direction Sam went. 

“(y/n) He will be fine. “

“Bobby,” you were cut off by the sounds of gunshots. You took off  in his direction, but stopped when you saw Sam bringing  victims around the corner, 

“Help them,” Sam said to you. You drew your gun and escorted them to the door. 

“All clear” Sam concluded. 

You looked to the left and saw an infected worker charging for Sam.  “Sam watch out!” but you were too late. You started running toward them. The worker jumped on Sam causing him to fall on his back. The worker was on top of Sam choking him full force. Bobby raised his gun, but it was empty. You slid and put the end of your sawed-off shotgun barrel on the worker's forehead and pulled the trigger. Blood went everywhere. Sam started gasping for air.  You laid your arms and head down with a sigh.

“You good?” you asked Sam. 

“Yeah, “ He got out once he caught his breath.

“Good, Can we  commit our act of domestic terrorism now?” Bobby asked starting to walk toward the backpacks you laid down earlier. 

Sam got up and put his hand out offering to help you up. You took it, and you were on your feet so fast it made your head spin a little.  “Let's go,” he said. 

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Dean made his way back to the Impala. Crowley was already sitting in the passenger seat. Dean got in the driver's seat. “So what?” he said with a groan. “ Bomb threats? How the hell do I get 3 million people out of Chicago in the next 10 minutes?” He looked over to Crowley for advice, but he was gone.  Dean looked around. “Fuck!” Dean snapped then looked across the street.  Crowley was pointing in a pizzeria mouthing “I found him” 

“What? I can't hear you.” Dean said aloud and threw up his hands. 

“I said I found him,” Crowley said as he popped back into the passenger seat making Dean jump. “ He is in there.” Crowley pointed again.

Dean got out. “You coming..” he said as he turned around, Crowley was gone again, “ I guess not.”  He made his way over to the pizzeria. Cautiously and Quietly Dean walked through the front door.  There was a waitress behind the bar sitting on the floor, dead. Two men sitting at a table both of their faces in a half-eaten pizza, dead.  A younger waitress lying on the floor in the middle of the room, dead. Dean shook his head but kept going. He entered the next room. More Dead bodies sprawled out on the floor. He looked up to a man sitting at a table looking out the window. Sythe in hand Dean crept toward the man. The sythe got hotter the closer he got. As he dropped it on the floor he could feel the blister from the burn forming. There was a loud clanking sound as it hit the ground. 

“Thanks for returning that,” the man said.  Dean looked up at him. The man just stared out the window, Dean looked back down to find the Sythe had disappeared, “Join me, Dean.” Dean looked back up at the man. It was now sitting on the table beside the man’s plate. “The pizza is delicious!” Dean still cautious walked over. 

The man was cutting up a piece of pizza. Not looking up from his plate “ Sit down. I think we need to have a chat.”

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Somehow you got Bobby to let you drive back to his house. It was nice having to focus on the road rather than all the apocalypse shit that was going on. It was still too quiet though. You turned the radio on and popped in a mixed CD. Johnny Cash started playing. You turned the volume up a little. You peeked in the backseat to see if you woke Bobby or Cas.

“I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down. Down. Down. And the flames went higher.

You looked over at Sam. He was looking at you with wide eyes. “ Oh my god. I’m sorry, I didn't even think about it when it started playing. “ your cheeks got hot. 

“ I was wondering how long it was gonna take.” he chuckled.  

As you hit the next button on the CD player you hit a bump causing your finger to hit the button a couple of times. Highway to hell by AC/DC started playing. “Shit!” you quickly turned the radio off. “We don't need music.”

Sam chuckled and it made you smile.  “But you hate driving without music.” He turned the radio back on and skipped the song. Changes By Tupac started playing and your head started bobbing. He hit the skip button again. 

“Hey,” you said 

Misunderstanding by Genesis started to play.  “ You know your music taste is baffling,” he said smiling. 

“Not baffling. It’s diverse.”

He chuckled. “ Whatever you say, princess.” you smiled. 

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“He just gave it to you?!”  you yelled from under your truck as you put the oil drain plug back in its hole. You slid out from under the truck and stood up, wiping the oil off your hands with a rag.  You walked over to the table Dean was sitting at. All 4 rings were lying in front of him. 

Dean held a beer out for you. “ With one condition,” he said. You took the beer and opened it. He took a drink of his. 

“ Well spit it out.” you took a drink.

“ Sam says yes and puts Lucifer back in the cage.”

“Oh. Of course.” 

You guys turned as you heard something slide across the floor by the garage door.

“Bobby,” Dean said. “How’d it go at the Rockette’s audition?”

Bobby laughed. “Kicks were too low. Maybe next year.” You and Dean smiled. “I've been just walking up and down the stairs for no damn reason. I’m kinda sore.” he laughed and sat across the table from Dean. 

“Watch this,” Dean said as he put the rings in a particular order. 1 in the middle the other 3 circled it. He slid the one closest to him up toward the 1 in the middle and the other 2 rings moved automatically toward the center. 

“So, Death told you how to operate them? The whole deal?” Bobby asked. 

“Yeah. It’s freaking crazy.” Dean took a drink “ I have a bigger problem now though.”

“Like?” Bobby asked. You walked back over to your truck and started pouring oil into it. 

“What do you think would happen if someone lied To Death's face?”

“Probably nothing good. What did you tell him?”

“That I wouldn't stand in the way of Sam jumping in the pit.”

“So Death thinks Sam should say yes?”

“He said Sam was the only human that stood a chance against Lucifer.”

“Well you didn't tell me that part,” you said as you threw the empty oil jug in the trash can and walked back over to the table. 

“Of course, he would say that. He works for Lucifer.”

“Against his Will.” You shot back

“Well, we should probably take his word with a big fat grain of fucking salt. I mean he is Death.”

“Exactly he is death.” You said 

“Think of the bird's eye view” Bobby chimed in and you nodded. 

“Seriously?” Dean was getting irritated, 

“I'm just sayin,” Bobby said holding up his hand. 

“Well don’t!” 

“Look.  I know Sam has some flaws, but…” Bobby paused, 

“But?” Dean asked. 

“Back at Niveus. I watched that kid pull one civilian out after another, He must have saved over 10 people. With the help of (y/n),” Bobby nodded at you. “ He never stopped, never slowed down. We’re hard on him, Dean. We always have been. Meanwhile,  He’s been saving people since he was what 12?”

“Pretty much yea,” Dean confirmed.

“Sam has a darkness in him, yes. But he’s got a hell of a lot of good too.” 

“I know that!”

“Then you know Sam will beat the devil or die trying.” Bobby looked at you and then back at Dean. “ And that's the best we can ask for. So I gotta ask you two. What exactly are you guys afraid of? Losing? Or losing Sam?”

You walked out of the garage and looked up to find Sam sitting on the hood of the Impala. You started walking toward him. You knew everything Bobby said was true. You knew there was no going back or trying to talk Sam out of this. It was going to happen. All you could do was enjoy the time you had left. 

“Heeeeyy, You come here often big boy?” you said in a cheesy voice.

He smiled. “Only when you're here hot stuff.” you smiled “Want a beer?” you shook your head.

You took a deep breath. “Look I know I've been a pain in the ass about the whole Lucifer, Cage thing and I’m sorry. I know how hard this has been on you. My attitude and fighting haven't made it any better.”

“I get it. Trust me” He sighed “I let him out (y/n). All the shit that's happened, it’s on me. I have to make this right and put him back in the cage before more people die.”

“Ok.”

“OK?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah. I understand and I’m not gonna fight it anymore. Even though I fucking hate it with every ounce of my soul.”

“I know. I really am sorry I probably shouldn’t have called and let this all happen. I feel like I led you on in a way.”

“Well, you didn’t and I’m glad you called. I would of rather it have gone like this than never knowing how you felt,” you confessed.

He grabbed you and pulled you over to him. He wrapped his arms around your waist and kissed your lips. Your arms wrapped around his neck. He rested his forehead against yours.

“(y/n) can you promise me something?” he whispered. 

“Maybe.”

“If I do this. If I win and jump into the cage..” He paused “You and Dean can't try to bring me back.”

“Excuse me?”

“Seriously Babe. What if you start rattling the cage and you let him out again?”

“Sam, I can't just let you rot in a cage with the devil for eternity.”

“You can’t risk it.” your jaw tightened. Damn it, He was right. 

“Please?”

“Fine.”

You heard Dean clear his throat behind you” Get a room.”

Sam laughed. 

“Heya (y/n) can I get a minute with Sam?” 

“Yep.” you gave Sam a peck on the cheek then bent down grabbed a beer and walked away. 

“Hey!” both Winchesters said at the same time. You looked back and stuck your tongue out at them. 

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You pulled up to the abandoned warehouse and saw Bobby standing at the back of his van looking at newspapers. You parked your truck and walked over to him. 

“Hey kiddo, How you holdin' up?”

“Bout the same. Anything good?” 

“Couple things that stood out.” you both turned as you heard the warehouse doors open. Your stomach went queasy when you saw Sam and Castiel holding gallon jugs of blood. Sam’s eyes met yours and he hesitated at the steps. Dean walked up behind him. Sam lowered his head and continued to the Impala. You looked back at the papers Bobby was holding. Dean walked over to you and Bobby. 

“Bobby I just can’t get used to you at eye level.” Bobby gave him a smirk. “(y/n) how ya doin' sweetheart?”

“Just peachy,” you said in a sarcastic tone. 

Dean sighed, “Yeah. You don’t have…” 

“Save it, Dean. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.”

He nodded and then looked at Bobby. “Well, Yoda you were right. 2 stunt demons in there just like you said.”

“Did you get it?” Bobby asked. 

“Yeah. All the go juice Sammy can drink. “Dean replied. Your stomach turned again. 

“You ok?” you asked Dean. 

“Not really. Did you guys find anything?”

“Do these look like omens to you?” Bobby handed Dean the papers as he read the headlines out loud. “Cyclone in Florida, Temperature drop in Detriot, Wildfires in L.A…”

“Wait, Detriot?” you asked as Dean and you looked at each other and then back at Bobby. 

Bobby’s eyebrows furrowed. “ the temps dropped about 20 degrees, but only in a 5-block radius of downtown Motown.”

“That's the one.” Dean tossed the newspapers in the back of Bobby’s van. “He’s in Detriot.”

“You sure?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah. He’s sure.” you chimed in. You looked over at Sam. The sadness on his face made your stomach twist. You looked back at Bobby. “Van or truck?”

“You think your truck will be okay here?” 

“Should be. If not I know a guy that has a scrap yard. I’ll just fix another one up.” They both smiled. “ I just gotta grab my stuff.” and turned to walk back to your truck. 

You opened the back seat and leaned in to grab your duffle. You felt Sam behind you. “ you know you shouldn’t sneak up on a hunter.” he stayed silent. “Sammy, you ok?” you asked as you turned around and your heart broke. He stood there with his hands in his jacket pockets. Lips drawn in a tight line. His eyebrows pulled up and together. His eyes were so full tears were almost spilling out. You wrapped your arms around him as tight as you could. His arms wrapped around your shoulders.

“ you sure about this?” you asked.

“Yes. I have to.”

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The ride with Bobby was silent. Neither of you wanted to talk about what happened next. 

Both cars parked in an alley across the street from a building in the middle of the temperature-dropped zone. You and Bobby found Lucifer’s hiding place. A dingy dirt dirt-covered white two-story house. 

“We found it. At least 2 dozen demons on guard.” he pointed in the direction. “ Our guess is he’s in there. 

“Alright then, (y/n) Give me a hand would ya?” Dean said as he nodded to the back of the Impala. You followed Dean. He popped the trunk. Your stomach twisted again at the sight of the jugs.

“So on the way here, Sam made me promise something. “ Dean confessed so low you could barely hear him.

“I know he made me promise too.” 

“So you’re getting out?” He asked surprised. 

“ Uh no. I never agreed to that. I just promised I wouldn’t rattle the cage.” 

“Hmm, He told me to go find Lisa and settle down. Live an apple-pie life.” 

Dean was looking over the lifted drunk. He looked down blinking back tears. You peeked around Bobby and Sam were hugging. You felt a sting in your chest. You were not ready for this. 

“Dean, you deserve to be happy. If  Lisa and Ben are that for you then you should go. No one is going to judge you for getting out. And if they do fuck ‘em!” 

He smiled. “Thank you. And what about you?”

Sam walked over to Castiel with his hand out. 

“I don’t know,” you said blinking back tears. Happiness for you was out of the question and you knew it. Dean rubbed your shoulder. 

Sam looked over at you and started walking towards you. Dean patted your shoulder and then walked away. 

“Hey there hot stuff, you come here often?” He said as he approached you. 

You smiled “Only when you’re here, Big boy.” You said with tears sliding down your cheeks. 

He grabbed you and pulled you into his arms. Your arm wrapped around him as you laid your head against his head. You could feel his heart pounding. You inhaled his vanilla and cedar scent for the last time. He lifted your chin with his fingers and wiped away your tears. He brought his lips to your ear. “I love you, always have, always will.” He whispered. And then his lips were on yours, the kiss was quick and sweet, but you could feel through his soft lips meant every word. 

“I love you too Sam.”

He squeezed you one last time. “Do you mind not watching this, (y/n)?” He said as he loosened his hold and put his hands on your cheeks. You nodded as a few tears ran down your cheeks. Sam wiped them away and kissed your forehead. You turned and started walking over to where everyone else was. You wiped your eyes trying to stop crying. 

“You okay?” Dean Asked. 

“No. you?”

“No.” 

No one could say or do anything to make you feel better, the four of you just stood there in silence. Sam slammed the trunk when he finished. He was all jacked up.  “Let’s go!” The blood smeared on his lips brought your nausea back. You started to walk with Sam and Dean, all four men yelled “NO!” and Castiel grabbed your arm.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Please?” Sam pleaded. 

You nod and watch him walk away. Castiel wrapped his arm around you and you leaned your head on his shoulder. 

“Alright we’re here, you sons of bitches, come get it.” you heard Sam yell when they got to the sidewalk.  Two demons walked out the door and grabbed the boys shoving them through the door. You started to take a step.

“(y/n)” Castiel said. Tightening his arm. You didn’t fight him. 

After the longest 3 minutes of your life, you see a flash of bright light explode out of the second-story windows. Then all of a sudden the wind kicked up and you knew Dean had opened the cage. 

The wind stopped within 10 seconds. Was he gone? Like really gone? There was no breakdown into tears, no giant hole feeling in your chest like you thought there would be. Sure you were sad and you knew something had changed, but he didn't feel gone. 

A couple of minutes later Dean came walking out of the house. He kept his head down until he made it to your side of the street. When he looked you in the eyes you saw the extra wetness in his. 

“Well?” Bobby asked when Dean reached you guys.

Dean explained everything that happened. How Lucifer had already known about the rings, How Sam and Lucifer had a battle in Sam’s head, How Lucifer had taken over his body, took the rings, and disappeared. “ I tried to talk him out of it in the last few seconds.”

“Dean.” you tried to tell him it wasn't his fault. 

“I know” He cut you off.  Just then you heard a big commotion coming from down the street you four all looked at each other and headed in that direction.  There was an electronic store with T.V.s in the front window. The banner across the bottom of them said breaking news. 

Reporter: Reports are flooding in a 7.6 earthquake in Portland, 8.1 in Boston, and more in Hong Kong, Berlin, And Tehran. The U.S.G.S. has no explanation but says to expect a six-figure death toll. 

“It’s starting,” Castiel said. 

“You think Genuis?” Dean said sarcastically 

“Dean, you don't have to be an ass.” You chimed in. 

“Sorry,” he said to Cas. “So what do we do now?”

“I suggest we imbibe copious quantities of alcohol and wait for the inevitable blast wave.” 

“Well, thank you, Bukowski..” 

“Dean stop.” You were over his attitude. “How do we stop it Cas?”

“We can’t…” Castiel said with a grim look on his face. “Lucifer will meet Michael on the chosen field. And the battle of Armageddon will begin.” 

“Ok, Where’s this chosen field?” Dean asked in a nicer tone. 

“I don’t know” 

“There’s gotta be something we can do,” Dean argued. 

“I’m sorry, Dean, It's over,” Castiel said with glossy eyes. 

“Castiel, We are not giving up!” Bobby walked up beside Dean.”Right, Bobby?” Bobby stood there in a daze. “Bobby?” Dean raised his voice a little. 

“There wasn’t much hope to begin with,” Bobby said shaking his head. “ I don’t know what else to do.”

“Fucking ridiculous” Dean growled and started walking back to the car. The rest of you followed him.

“Hey Cas, Do you mind riding back with Bobby? I need to talk to Dean,” you asked when you got back to the alley.

“Sure,” he said and walked over to Bobby’s van.” 

“ So what do you need to talk about?” Dean asked when after you guys got in. 

“Do you still have Chuck’s number?” 

Dean’s face lit up as he smiled. “ I knew you wouldn’t give up.” He pulled out his phone and searched in his contacts. He hit the green button and put the phone up to his ear. 

“Um, no, Chuck?”  “Who’s Mistress Magda?”  “Yeah, I’ll bet real close. What happened to Becky?” “Boy, you got a whole virgin/hooker thing going on don’t you?” Oh come on Dean you thought. “Sam said yes.” “Did you see where the fight is going down?” Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, “Fuck.”  “Stull Cemtary, wait I know that, It's right outside of Lawrence. Why Lawrence?” “Alright, Do you know of any way to short-circuit this thing?” “Did you see what going to happen next?” “Alright, thanks, Chuck.” He hit the red button. 

“Tomorrow. Noon. You feel like a road trip to Kanas?”

“I'm in. Let me grab my guns.” you went to Bobby’s van to grab your things. You made it back over to the Impala before Bobby and Cas stopped you and Dean.

“You two going someplace?” Bobby yelled as he walked over. “ ya’ll are gonna do somethin’ stupid huh?”

“We are going to talk to Sam.”

“You just don’t give up.” Bobby looked at Dean then you. 

“Bobby, It’s Sam.” You said. 

“ If you couldn’t reach him here,” Castiel chimed in “you're certainly not gonna be able to on the battlefield.”

“Maybe not, But she might be able to. She and I together might do it. And if we have already lost, we don’t  have anything to lose right?”

“I just want both of you to understand. All you are going to see out there is Michael killing Sam.”

“Well then, we aren’t going to let him die alone,” Dean said as he looked at you. You nodded in agreement. You both got in the car and drove off. 

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Dean stopped the car right outside the entrance to the old run-down graveyard. You could see Sam and Adam talking ahead in the distance. 

“You ready?” Dean said pushing a tape in the cassette player. 

“As I’ll ever be.” 

He revved the engine a few times, hit play on the radio, and turned the volume up.

Gunter, Gliben, Glaunchen, Globen come through the speakers as he drives down to his brothers. You and Dean get out of the car. 

“Howdy boys, are we interrupting something?” He says as he closes the door. He motions for you to stay back and he walks closer to Sam. “We need to talk.”

“Dean, even for you this is a whole new level of stupid,” Lucifer said

“I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to Sam.”   “You’re no longer the vessel Dean, you got no right to be here.” Adam cut in

“Adam. If you're in there somewhere I am so sorry.” 

“Adam isn’t here right now.” 

“Well, then you’re next on my list buttercup. Right now I want 5 minutes with him.”

“You little maggot, you are no longer part of this story,” Adam said approaching Dean. You started walking in their direction. 

“Hey ass-but.” you heard Castiel. You looked up to see him and Bobby stand there. Just then Castiel threw a bottle at Adam. Adam caught on fire letting out an eye-piercing scream then vanished. 

“Ass-butt?” Dean asked Cas. 

“He’ll be back and angry, but you got your 5 minutes.”

“Castiel,” Sam said. “Did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?”

Cas raised his hands backing away “Uh no.” 

“No one dicks with Michael, but me!” He snapped his fingers and Castiel exploded spraying pink mist all over Bobby. 

“NO!” you yelled. And Lucifer spun in your direction. 

“Sammy, can you hear me?” Dean asked. 

Lucifer turned to him. “You know, I've tried to be nice.”He walked up to Dean. “For Sammy’s sake, but you are such a pain.” he grabbed Dean by the opening of his jacket. “In my ass.” Lucifer threw Dean into the windshield of the Impala and started back at him. You and Bobby both pulled your guns out and shot at the same time. Lucifer looked at you then turned halfway to Bobby. He looked back at you. He raised both hands and twisted them.  Breaking yours and Bobby’s neck at the same time. Dean looked back and forth between you two as your lifeless bodies dropped to the ground. 

“NOOO!!” Dean yelled. 

“Yes,” Lucifer said grabbing Dean’s ankle and pulling him off the Impala. Punching Dean so hard he busted his lip open. Dean fell onto the Impala. He stood back up, spitting the blood out of his mouth. 

“Sammy, are you in there?”

“Oh, he’s in here alright,” Lucifer said taking another swing at Dean’s face. He fell back down onto the Impala.” and he’s gonna feel me snap all of your bones.” Lucifer landed another punch. This time knocking Dean to the ground. “Every single one.” Lucifer picked Dean up and propped him up against the Impala. Punch, punch, punch punch. After about 12 blows Lucifer stopped. Dean’s face was swollen and bloody.

“Sammy. It’s ok. I'm here.” Dean managed to say. “I'm not going to leave you.” Lucifer punched again. And again. And again. “I'm not gonna leave you.” Dean's voice was muffled from all the swelling and a couple of busted teeth. 

As Lucifer drew his fist back the glare of the window caught his eye. Sam was fighting hard. And then looked down at the army man stuck in the back ashtray. This is what Sammy needed to fuel his fight. He thought of all the good memories he and his brother shared in this car. Shoving the army man in the ashtray while Dean shoved legos in the front vent, carving their initials by the speaker in the rear dash. He thought about all the pranks and road trip sing a longs they had. The time he scared the grab out of Dean who was sleeping in the passenger seat. Dean making him dinner when they were kids. Dean sacrificing his life for Sam’s. He lowered his fist and let go of Dean. Dean fell to the ground. One eye was swollen shut and a broken swollen jaw, and his face was covered in blood. He was almost unrecognizable.

“It’s ok, Dean.” Sam had taken over his body. “It's gonna be ok. I've got him.” he reached into his pocket, grabbed the rings, and tossed them on the ground. “ Bvtmon, Tabges, Babalon.” The ground rumbled and a sinkhole opened. The wind started whipping and the thunder roared loud. 

“Sam, It can’t end this way. I have to fight my brother. You need to step back.” Adam was back. 

“You're gonna have to make me,” Sam yelled He took one last look at Dean, put his arms out, and started to fall. Adam rushed over and grabbed him. But it was too late. They both fell into the pit. With a big flash, the pit closed. The rings lay on the ground where Sam had tossed them. Dean crawled over and just held them. As he started weeping he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and there stood Castiel. 

“Cas, you’re alive?” 

“I'm better than that.” He touched Dean’s forehead and healed him. 

“Cas, Are you god?” Deam asked getting to his feet. 

“That's a nice compliment.” Castiel smiled. “But no. although I believe he did bring me back, New and improved.” He walked over to Bobby and touched his temple. Bobby came back to life. Bobby sat up and Cas nodded at him. He looked back at Dean, who was pointing at you. “I know.” Dean got up and followed Cas over to your body. Castiel bent down and put his fingers on your temple. 

You woke. You sat up and looked around. Sam was gone, really gone. Your heartbeat started to race, your hands began to shake, and You started panting for air as your chest tightened. Dean plopped down beside you pulling you into a bear hug.

“Shhh. Deep Breath (y/n).” Dean said in a calming voice. But the tears were coming and you couldn't stop them. You started bawling into Dean’s Chest. 

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You were sort of relieved when you got back to your truck. The whole ride here with Dean had been silent. You grabbed your stuff out of his backseat and threw it in yours. Dean and Bobby were standing by the tailgate. 

“Well..” Dean said. 

“That’s a deep subject,” Bobby remarked. You shook your head and smiled.  “What’s next for you (y/n)?” Dean asked you.

“Not sure,” 

“What about you?” Bobby asked Dean.

“I made a promise,” Dean said walking over to hug you. “If you need anything, and I mean anything.”

“I know Dean,” you said as you hugged him back.

He walked over to Bobby. “You have my number too,” Dean said as he hugged Bobby. “ Keep her outta trouble, will ya?” 

“I do.” Bobby smiled. “I can try, but I'm only one man.” Dean chuckled. Bobby looked at you. “You coming back to the house?”

“Eventually.” you needed some space right now. 

“Just be careful,” Bobby said as he hugged you. 

“Always.” you squeezed back. 

Everyone walked to the driver doors of their vehicles. You waved at them then hopped in your truck. 

The three of you drove off in different directions.

[the-kr8tor]

Random question time

In a zombie apocalypse, if you get bitten and then immediately you chop of the part you have the bite you can kind-of stop it from spreading and taking over – of course, it's risky and a really bloody way to try and mot get infected, but alas!

How realistic this would be 🤔 because we don't really know much about zombies is more of a fiction thing (although there's zombie viruses that goes around taking small insects) but I'd like your opinion in this.

AND if this was the norm, thinking about zombie apocalypse Hobie AU 😁 I think they'd make a promise to try and save the other if they ever got bitten. One thing though, I think whoever got bit and managed to stop the spreading, even so, they'd get a little grayish skin and sunken eyes because there's virus on them but it's like, a really tiny amount.

IDK I'm still brimming this potion.

I think it really depends on what zombie media it's from? Like from the walking dead (the tv show) you can technically stop the spread if you're fast enough at cutting the limb but in some cases like in George Romero's zombies or the walking dead telltale game you can't stop the spread, only slow it down.

Hmmm for that au with Hobie I think it would stop it completely if they cut it off immediately after getting bit (bc i say so lol) and yes, hobie and r would absolutely have some sort of pact when/if it happens to one of them. Like they always have an ax or a machete with them just in case. That's actually cool tho! Since they were technically infected it would show up but not that much, like there's a sickly glow to their skin and their jaws and joints would sometimes clamp up suddenly as if they have rigor mortis

Brew away, angel! I need to hear more of your zombie hc

[child-of-the-sky-people]

hi Ali! im looking for a new narrative podcast to get into, what's your current rec list? :)

Oh god it’s so long 😂

Horror:

Human Error - this one is mine so of course I’m recommending it 😂 it’s about a found family of survivors going on a road trip during a zombie apocalypse 12 years after the world ended!

We’re Alive - also zombie horror and was the show that got me into audio dramas! It’s very long and looks overwhelming but I promise it’s good!

Darkest Night - anthology horror where you find out how people died but each case is actually related and there is a bigger mystery and this show lives in my head rent free lol

The Waystation - found footage style show about a group of people on a space station that all died (the story is trying to piece together what happened). It’s along the same lines as The White Vault

DERELICT - a research group are studying a door at the bottom of the ocean, and then shit goes sideways. I binged this series super fact and I need season 2 immediately lol

The Eleventh Hour episode called The City of Statues - I made this! It’s about a group of survivors trying to make it out of a city filled with statues trying to hunt them down 👀

Someone Dies in this Elevator - mix of horror and thriller I think. It’s an anthology series where every episode someone dies in an elevator 👀 I composed for a few episodes and it’s v fun 🤩

Thriller

The Liberty Podcast - made by the same folks behind The White Vault and VAST Horizon. It’s an anthology series of stories taking place within and surrounding a tower where a civilization lives. Some episodes might lean more towards horror but I personally consider it more thriller

The Walk - made by the same folks behind zombies run! In this show you the listener are the main character, an individual making their way across Scotland with a package they were mistakenly delivered. I love this show so much omg

Primordial Deep - scientists are finding extinct dinosaurs alive and well under the ocean and they’re trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. I fucking love this show omg

Spines - woman wakes up in the middle of a cult ritual with no memories and is trying to figure out who she is and where she came from. Also there are powers!

Mirrors - same person behind Spines! Three women from three different centuries (who are all related to each other) discover they can communicate with each other through ghost like figures. It has a bigger mystery and the ending made me cry it was so good

InCo - a woman finds a prince from a world that shouldn’t exist floating in space. This show is a delight and is a micro series and I love the humor within it so much omg

Where the Stars Fell - the Antichrist is roommates with their guardian angel and they’re trying to stop the rapture

DUST - anthology series about science fiction and technology! Season 3 is definitely my favorite as it is one story but the entire show as a whole is very good

Feel Good/Light Hearted Shows

Unseen - this show lives in my head rent free and I ache for it to be real. It’s about magic existing in the real world and is an anthology! It’s made by the same folks behind Wolf 359

Joy to the World - holiday series I helped produce! It’s about an astronaut named Joy talking with different people on Earth about the holidays! It’s an anthology and v warm and I highly recommend it as a holiday series

Sidequesting - a person who is totally not the hero is avoiding the main plot and going on a bunch of side quests! It’s charming and lovely and made by the wonderful Tal

Back Again, Back Again - a woman is retelling her stories of his magical world she was transported into and about the prophecy she became involved in

If none of these are your jam lmk and I can suggest some more! If you tell me what you like to listen to/what kinds of stories you enjoy I can make a more personalized list

[mistystarshine]

Okay. OKAY. O K A Y. Someday someone will try to insist that their preferred fanon is canon and I should include it in my fics without me flying into a frothing rage.

Today is not that day.

B U T. To cool myself down, I'm going to tell you a bit about the fic ideas that I'm contemplating for when Live Again is done and I have more time.

But.

Only the most cursed thing going on in each one. No summary. No context. Just something awful.

Hadestown AU - Lute has to play marriage councilor for Lucifer and Lilith. The narrative demands it. (Breaking my promise to say that this DOES still take place in the canon setting. All of them except for android AU do, actually. I'm not just slapping Hazbin characters in Hadestown roles and calling it a day. But that's all you get.)

Time Travel AU - After a thousand years and a lot of deaths, Charlie and Adam have effectively swapped philosophies.

Guardian Angel AU - Vaggie unwittingly buys Adam's soul at a thrift shop and gifts it to Charlie.

Android AU - Lute charges Adam next to her iphone. The software in his brain won't let him complain.

Zombie Apocalypse AU - Husk has to live with Adam and Alastor for three years.

Time Loop AU - The solution is right there. They can get out at any time. But it would mean giving up.

Waffle House 2 - There might be more Waffle House AU.

[normal-sea-urchin]

ok so i have 20 million ideas for casey centric tmnt fanfics so i want you dudes to vote on which one you like most (also all of these have more to them obviously, i just don't want to spoil too much)

casey jones twin au, casey has a twin sister named cassandra who he's very close with, he also has two other sibling: angel and hun, all four of them are being trained to become the next leader of the purple dragons and it eventually comes down to hun and casey, but the final test to see who becomes the leader results in cassandra dying, causing casey to turn his back on his older brother, his father, and the purple dragons forever

rottmnt x tmnt 2012 casey centric crossover, the technicalities of this au are still being worked out (how 2012 casey gets to the rottmnt dimension, when he joins the battle nexus, his motivations, etc.) but some constants are 2012 casey feels unappreciated and ends up joining the battle nexus, so the rottmnt and tmnt 2012 crews try to rescue him only to realize he doesn't want to be saved

slash and chompy team up, it's essentially slash and chompy playing matchmaker and trying to get raph and casey together, much whimsy

casey jones insane fucking family lore (for lack of a better name), i give casey jones the most insane family ever (witches, vampires, assassins, mutants, werewolves, other supernatural beings and generally bad morals) and they all have a family get together at the family castle in transylvania

yet another apocalyptic au, raph and casey find each other in mutant apocalypse and kind of fall back in love with each other ig (completely different timeline from casey jones: mutant apocalypse) (one-shot)

zombie apocalypse mix-up, normal canon raph falls through a portal into a twisted zombie infection au where casey leads a resistance against the infected zombies which include raph and his brothers (so they're zombies, for clarification) (this one is inspired by mlp infection aus)

fallout x tmnt 2012, a carefully hand crafted au that meshes together tmnt 2012 and fallout, this one actually follows april (saving my girl from her canon writing) who's a scientist whose forced to leave her vault, the turtles and splinter are mutants due to a vault-tech experiment, and casey is a wastelander

tank girl x tmnt 2012, this one is still under heavy construction as it's the most recent from a few days ago, i still don't know whether i want casey or april as tank girl but the turtles are gonna be the rippers, splinter is gonna be johnny prophet, and shredder is gonna be kesslee

and that should be all of them, at least the really important ones (also assume all of these are multi-chaptered unless stated otherwise)

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

180 for zombies! The chapter may end sooner than that tbh. We shall see:

---

Nothing happens for another day. Everyone needs time to rest. Maddie spends a good amount of it sleeping and eating and enjoying such luxuries as a shower. Eddie keeps to himself mostly. He spends time with his son, reading books and watching movies on the old DVD player they showed him how to use. Down time they haven’t got to have in a while, Buck imagines. Athena stays vigil at her daughter’s bedside. It takes another night before anyone makes any kind of headway. 

It’s Eddie who shakes things up. 

He does it in the early afternoon, when Buck is showing Maddie his fishing net set up on the beach. 

“I did all the research and I built them myself,” he tells her proudly. “I maintain them. I’m the protein guy!” 

“This is actually really impressive,” Maddie admits, looking out at what he’s done. “I knew you’d find a way to use that big brain of yours for good one day.”

He shrugs. “Bet you didn’t think it’d be for sourcing food in an apocalypse.”

Maddie emits a small huff of laughter. “You’ve got me there.”

Maddie is dipping her toes into the Pacific, looking more relaxed than he thinks he ever saw her in Hershey as an adult. Buck is happy to see her look at ease, after all he’s been through. He feels like he’s looking at a happy memory she never actually got to make. He only turns away because he hears someone walking down the wooden stairs from the road to the beach. 

He turns to see Eddie making his way towards them, looking somewhat sheepish. Like he knows he’s interrupting a nice moment. 

He looks pretty in the warm sunlight. 

Wait.

What?

Why did Buck think that? 

He looks fine. Better than average, even. That’s all.

“Eddie!” Buck calls out, simply to shut up his internal monologue. “What’s up, man?”

Maddie turns to look at him.

“Oh! Hi, Eddie!”

“Hey,” Eddie says, crossing the sand to get them. “Got a minute to talk?”

Oh. So here it comes then. He’s going to ask Maddie. 

“You need me to go?” Buck asks. 

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “Actually, I want to talk to both of you. If that’s okay.” 

“Oh,” Buck mumbles.

“Sure,” Maddie says. 

Buck doesn’t know what he has to do with it, but his curiosity is piqued. 

Eddie takes a deep breath. “I have to go. I can’t stay here much longer.”

“Looking for your wife?” Maddie guesses.

He nods. “I think I’ll hit the road tomorrow morning.”

“I understand,” Maddie says. “You have questions you need answered.”

“Right,” Eddie agrees. “Uh… But I’m going into the city. Los Angeles. And I don’t think it’s safe to bring my son.”

“Oh,” Maddie says. She must realize where this is going.

“I know we don’t know each other very well,” Eddie leads in. “But, Maddie, Christopher trusts you. He likes you. The two of you are, uh, obviously good people. I was hoping… Maybe you’d take care of him for me, until I get back?”

Maddie sucks in a sharp breath. Buck tries not to react at all. Eddie knows he knows already, knows what he thinks about it. 

“Wow,” she says. 

“I know it’s a lot to ask,” Eddie adds quickly. “Unfair of me, really. But I don’t know what else to do, Maddie. I can’t risk him.”

“Eddie, of course,” Maddie says. “I’m not going to ask you to risk him. If it’s allowed, here, of course I’ll do it.”

Eddie sighs, relieved. “Thank you, Maddie. Thank you so much.”

“I can’t imagine anyone will turn Christopher away,” Buck says, thinking of their conversation yesterday. “We’re not like that.”

Eddie nods. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Eddie,” Maddie says. “I’ll do what I can for him. And Los Angeles isn’t that far away. You’ll be back before too long, I’m sure.”

“That’s the plan,” Eddie agrees. “But…”

“But what?” Maddie asks. 

“I have to be realistic,” Eddie says. “Plan for the worst.”

“That you don’t find her?” Maddie guesses. 

“No,” Eddie shakes his head. “That I die.”

Buck feels nauseous all of a sudden. 

“Eddie…” Maddie trails off.

“Listen, obviously I’ll do everything I can…”

“I know,” Maddie mutters. “We both know what it’s like out there.”

Buck realizes he doesn’t. Not completely. He’s always been mostly safe. 

Eddie looks at Buck. “That’s where I need a favor.”

“Uh, from me?” Buck asks. 

Eddie nods. “You’re the guy with the radio, right?”

“I was,” Buck mumbles. 

“Are you able to switch your transmission?” Eddie asks. “If I die, if I don’t come back after a certain amount of time, maybe you could try to get a message to my sisters. His aunts.”

Buck makes an uncomfortable sound in his throat.

“Uh, the radio was confiscated. It… Well, it wasn’t allowed, per say. Advertising our position and all.”

“Oh,” Eddie deflates a little. 

“Yeah, I don’t have it anymore.” Buck admits. “And it’s only good for five hundred miles. You’re from Texas, right?”

Eddie nods. “My sisters went northeast. It wouldn’t reach them.”

“I’m sorry,” Buck says. 

Eddie looks a little crestfallen, but as though he’s trying to hide it. Buck feels a wave of guilt. Which is ridiculous. None of this is his fault. But… But he still doesn’t want this guy to die. He doesn’t want him to die and have no one know about it. He seems like a good man. A good father. Plus, he saved Maddie. Maddie might not think that means Buck owes him his life, but he’s wrong. Maddie raised him in all the ways that mattered. She gave him his freedom. She’s the reason he’s here, alive, when so many others are dead. And she’s his favorite person in the world. Buck does owe Eddie for saving her. 

“I’ll do you one better,” Buck says.

“Like what?” Eddie asks. 

“I’ll come with you.” 

“What?” Maddie and Eddie respond in unison. Though, Maddie’s is more of a yelp. 

“I’m a good shot. Healthy and fit. A good driver. I was a first responder, I can handle pressure.” Buck explains. “I can have your back out there. Maybe be the difference between needing to send that radio transmission or not.”

“You just got your sister back, man.” Eddie reminds him.

“And like you both said, Los Angeles isn’t very far away,” he replies. He looks at Maddie. “You’ll make sure Christopher is safe here, and I’ll help Eddie find his wife.”

“Evan…” Maddie winces. “I don’t know.”