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leading-manhattan · 8 months ago

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David is absolutely swamped with all the work he's piled on top of himself which leads to him blowing Jack off time and time again. David doesn't realize just how out of control it's all gotten until a few chance conversations with Katherine and Crutchie lead him to the horrifying conclusion that Jack might not be as okay as he's always assumed. Modern AU.

This is ridiculous. The dumbest fight David thinks he's ever had in a relationship. That was because he'd never been in a relationship with Jack Kelly before. Jack, who was apparently determined to start arguments over the most rudimentary things. David is busy and Jack's made it into this whole thing that it never had to be. David sighs, harsh and aggravated, and pinches the bridge of his nose. Even when he was trying to get his work done somehow Jack writhed his way to the front of David's mind.

"Trouble in paradise?" Katherine teases from the other end of the table they've commandeered at the library. Between classwork, his internship, and his job David doesn't have time for anything outside of work so he's grateful to have friends who consider studying together quality time. David heaves another sigh, glaring up at her through his bangs. She gazes back sympathetically, resting her elbows on the table and tucking her face into her hands. She waits patiently, knowing damn well that he was a talker and he was bound to spill if she just gave him enough opportunities to. Katherine was sweet but she was nothing if not nosey, a journalist through and through.

"Jack and I are fighting." David murmurs, turning his glare down to the textbook laid open before him. He's not really looking at the words but it feels rude to point his ire at Katherine. Katherine hums inquisitively and David groans, raking a hand through his hair, "It's just he won't leave me alone. I love him, so much, but I'm completely swamped right now with everything and he keeps trying to get me to go out or make plans and no matter how many times I tell him I can't he just won't take no for an answer and I just- It came to a head and things were said and now we aren't talking." David sags, hunching over the table and resting his forehead pitifully on the pages of his notebook. It sounds even more ridiculous out loud but it's driven David up the wall these past few weeks and now they've gone and made a mountain out of a molehill.

"Oh, pfft," David glances up to see Katherine waving a dismissive hand. "That's just Jack. He's dramatic sometimes."

David grunts, pulling himself back up, "That doesn't mean he gets to pester me when I'm trying to do something important. I have a lot to do, Kath. And now that he's finally leaving me alone he's still somehow managing to distract me." After weeks of nonstop texts and calls and showing up at David's door he finally has some peace and he can't even enjoy it because he's so frustrated with— and worried about— his relationship.

"Yeah, that's why we broke up." Katherine shrugs, a soft smile on her face that David can only read as pitying. "He's like a puppy, David. He needs a lot of attention."

David groans again and lets his head fall back to the table with a jarring thud.

At least the rest of the day passed with a modicum of productivity. He didn't get a lot of schoolwork done but he got pretty much all the housework around the apartment wrapped up before the night's end. Hopefully that would make getting his actual work done this weekend more manageable.

It's when he wakes up that morning and checks his phone to see no texts from Jack that he remembers the shit show he was currently in the middle of. He's half-tempted to text Jack himself but the last time he tried to address this whole thing it nearly ended in a screaming match. He was too worn down to have the conversation he needs to have so instead he just puts his phone back down and resigns himself to talk to Jack tomorrow after they both had a little more time to cool down and sort themselves out. There goes his plans for a productive weekend. He can't help the resentment that bubbles up in him. Jack's not even talking to him and somehow he's still throwing a wrench into David's plans. It's not Jack's fault that David can't stop thinking about their stupid fight, he knows that, but he can't help but be mad at him for it anyway. He's hoping that maybe he can get himself to calm down and regulate a bit before he gathers himself up to go talk to Jack later but as he goes through the morning he only grows increasingly irritated with the whole situation.

By the time noon comes around David is practically fuming. He's heading towards one of his favorite cafés near campus in hopes that maybe the soothing environment of the quaint little place with help soothe his anger. David likes to think that he's a fairly self-aware person and he knows that the burnout from his workload is contributing more to his fury than the actual argument itself. Being aware, unfortunately, does nothing to remedy anything.

When he spots the cafè just a little further down the street David picks up the pace, nearly knocking into someone as he rips open the door. Almost immediately after he enters a sense of peace blankets and he knows that he made the right choice. It's just a little coffeehouse, only about four tables to sit at crowded off to the side, with a bunch of little plants scattered around the counters. It's a homey place filled with the warm glow of the sun. David takes a deep breath and lets the tension bleed out of him as he exhales.

"Heya Dave," A familiar voice calls from behind the register. David glances over and offers a tired smile. "Long time no see." Crutchie's face is warm and welcoming but David can see some curiosity there that tells him that Jack got to him first. Damn it.

"Hey Crutchie. Sorry it's been a while, I've been so slammed." David runs a hand down his face as he steps up to the counter. He doesn't even need to look at the menu before Crutchie punches in his order and David is handing over his card. "You been okay?"

"Oh, yeah, fine! It's been a little busy here recently but I got it handled." Crutchie beams, grabbing one of his crutches as he goes about putting together David's usual. There's a long pause while Crutchie makes his coffee and he is painfully conscious of the the steady tension growing between them.

"You can ask." David sighs.

Crutchie's shoulders slump and he shoots David an unsure look, "You sure?" Which definitely makes it sound like it won't be a conversation in David's favor. He nods. Crutchie bites his lip and turns back to the coffee, "You and Jack haven't been spendin' a lotta time together lately, huh?" He presses tentatively.

David groans, his anger spiking, but he reels it back in quickly. He's not mad at Crutchie. He's not even as mad at Jack as he feels. "I don't have the time, Charlie."

Crutchie is silent for a few telling moments. "You have the time to come here." He says it softly. There's no bitterness in his tone but it still feels so accusatory.

"I'm here to get work done." David argues. He is. It's nice to see Crutchie but he's here to try and catch up on the studying he couldn't focus on yesterday. He thought the familiar environment and the welcome company would help keep him focused and accountable.

"You had time to study with Katherine yesterday." Crutchie says and, okay, how many people did Crutchie talk to before he finally got around to David? This was starting to feel like a very small intervention.

"I was working then, too, I have a lot I need to do, Crutch." David hates how pleading he sounds. His anger is flickering, struggling for air where it burns hot beneath his ribs. That's one of Crutchie's many superpowers. It's so hard to stay angry when Crutchie is there with a kind smile, a sunny disposition, and a kindness that rivaled any person David's ever known.

"So you can't work with Jack?" Crutchie pushes lightly, curiously, setting David's finished coffee to the side like the hostage it was.

"That's not what he wants. He keeps asking to go out, to get dinner, to do things. I just- I can't." He wants to. God, he wants to. He misses Jack, it's been so long since they've really seen each other outside of passing glances and they haven't had a full conversation outside of a screen in weeks if you don't count their recent fight.

Crutchie hums empathetically. David's always buried himself in his workload no matter how many times people tried to convince him to give himself a little more wiggle room. It's a prison made from his own ambition and restlessness he hasn't been able to escape from since High School. "Did you ever..." Crutchie pauses, gaze flitting away as he clearly deliberates with himself. "Did you ever offer an alternative?"

David blinks.

Crutchie looks at him suddenly, eyes shining with understanding, "You know. Like havin' dinner at your place so you can keep workin' after or let him tag along when you come out here to study." He explains and the anger snuffs out so suddenly it leaves David feeling almost hollow without it. Something cold and sad rushes in to take its place.

"I didn't even think about that." David admits sheepishly, cringing. Crutchie's advice is shifting his perspective and David isn't really happy with the picture that it's painting.

"Jack can be..." Crutchie trails off and David immediately fills in dramatic. That's what everyone says. Jack's just being dramatic, they'd laugh. "Overbearing. He's been through a lot, I just-" Crutchie sighs, frowning, the first sign of real turmoil shining through. David doesn't know much about Jack's childhood but he knows that it wasn't good. He knows that Crutchie, Racetrack, and Jack are adopted but he's never pushed. "He needs reassurance. And people. He won't admit it but he does. You don't gotta forgive 'im but he loves you a lot and I know you love him too. You don't need to go out and do things to spend time together, right?" Crutchie's right. He knows Crutchie's right. David will have to set some boundaries about inviting him out when he's so busy but he'd been so lost in himself that he hadn't even tried to consider why Jack has been so desperate to spend time together.

"Yeah. God, yeah, I haven't even thought about it like that." David frowns, glancing over at the table he was going to settle into for the foreseeable future. "Can I get that coffee to go?" When he looks back Crutchie is already holding out his cup with a lid snapped on top.

Walking up to Jack's door has never felt more daunting. His irrational fury spurred on by the pit of exhaustion he dug himself into is completely extinguished and now all he has to pull him forward is the guilt at having blown off Jack completely for three weeks straight. How Jack hasn't snapped at him is a mystery of its own but David sure feels absolutely dreadful for having snapped at Jack. He clutches his coffee like a lifeline and hopes the muffin Crutchie gifted him to offer as an olive branch is a decent way to start an apology. He sucks in a long, bracing breath and raises his fist to knock before he chickens out. He'd dig out his phone if his hands were free but part of him is worried that if Jack knew it was him he wouldn't even come to the door.

"Comin'!" David hears Jack's muffled voice and he's immediately blindsided by a wave of longing. He really has missed Jack these past few weeks and he wishes he was coming over under better circumstances. The door swings open and for a fleeting moment David catches a glimpse of Jack's smile, a flash of teeth and bright eyes, but the second they make eye contact Jack's face falls. Jack's eyes flick from David's face to the café bag held in David's hand and something like defeat settles heavy on his shoulders. "Ah, shit. Okay." He mutters, stepping back and holding the door open in silent invitation.

David slips easily into the familiar apartment but he's never felt so unwelcome. "Hey," David greets quietly, setting his coffee down on the table and holding out the muffin bag to Jack, "I brought a peace offering. It's blueberry." He tries to keep his tone lighthearted but the joke falls flat. Still, Jack accepts the gift and David forces himself to take that as a good sign. "We really need to talk, Jackie."

Jack flinches, the bag crinkling in his hands as his grip instinctively tightens. A breathy laugh tumbles from Jack's lips but it lacks any mirth, "Ha, yeah. I was waitin' for this." He sounds so utterly devastated and it stabs David right through the heart. Jack can't look at him, head ducked and wild strands of dark hair blocking his eyes from view. "I'm kind of a lot to handle, right? I know I'm pretty needy." Jack chuckles and it sounds strained and David doesn't understand.

"Jack," David swallows. Jack looks up and David is surprised to see the wetness in his eyes. He's trying to put up a front, laughing despite how obviously hurt he is. "What do you think is happening?"

Jack blinks and scoffs, all false humor falling away. "I mean, it sure sounds like you're breakin' up with me. No one really wants to hear the words we need to talk, you know."

Realization slams into David hard and he immediately backtracks, "No!" He shouts, quieting when Jack flinches, "No, Jack, no. That's not it at all. I meant that we actually, really need to talk. Crutchie kind of helped me realize a few things and I just… I missed you." He confesses, holding his hands out and allowing himself a moment of relief when Jack steps forward. He gently cups Jack's face in his hands and wipes his thumbs carefully over Jack's eyes to clear away the tears clinging to his lashes.

"You did?" Jack looks at him with so much uncertainty it nearly makes David sick. Did he really give off the impression that he hadn't wanted to see Jack at all during his workaholic frenzy?

"Of course I did, Jackie, I always miss you." David pleads for him to understand. The long nights yearning for the feeling of Jack's arms around him. The afternoons trapped at his job almost praying for Jack to appear at the door just to make him smile. David hadn't wanted to be apart but he hadn't realized how many opportunities they'd actually had to be together.

"Alright, alright," Jack huffs a laugh and bats David's hands away playfully. "You're so mushy, Jacobs." He rolls his eyes but a content smile is spreading across his face so David basks in the small victory.

"You're so much worse, don't even start." David throws back, grabbing his drink and taking a long sip for the first time since he got it. He has a feeling that he's going to want to be caffeinated for what's to come.

"Oh, shuddup," Jack huffs, peeling open the bag and reaching in to tear a piece of the muffin free. "So you talked to Charlie?" It's not so much a question as it is a confirmation. They both know that Crutchie worked today and the café's logo is printed on David's cup and the bag. Not to mention David's confession that it was Crutchie who knocked some sense into him. Jack's not asking if he saw Crutchie, he's asking about what Crutchie spilled while Jack wasn't around to swear him to silence. David doesn't really know where to start. Everything has been such a whirlwind for the past month and even now, while he's here with Jack, he's worried about falling behind somewhere. Despite that, he knows that this is the most important thing he could be doing right now and the last thing he wants to do is mess it up.

"I'm sorry," He starts because that feels like the right thing to say. He wants Jack to know first and foremost that he was so sorry for brushing him to the side. "I was so caught up in myself I totally dismissed you and that was horrible of me." He cradles his drink in his hands, holding it tightly and trying to steal its warmth like it could chase away the internal chill of regret.

Jack shrugs, nibbling distractedly on the chunk of muffin in his hand, "You were busy. 'M sorry I kept buggin' you, I just figured eventually you'd be free."

"I could've offered an alternative." David mournfully echos Crutchie's advice. Jack shrugs again and David wants to shake him. He yearns to know why Jack is so dismissive of his own feelings, why he's so forgiving, why it's so easy for him to accept being brushed aside. David wants to know but he won't push because he knows Jack will just close up if he tries to seek out the answers he so desperately craves. "I should've offered an alternative and I am so sorry that I didn't even think to until Crutchie had to shove the idea in my face."

Jack rolls his eyes, shoving the rest of the chunk into his mouth in a clear attempt to give himself more time to think before he speaks. Jack looks away, leaning back against the counter, and he would've succeeded in projecting this uncaring aura if David didn't know him so well. Jack's uncomfortable and David can see it clear as day.

"Don't listen to Crutch, alright?" Jack finally settles on, tearing off another piece of muffin, and David realizes that he's keeping his hands busy. Jack rolls his shoulders and looks over to meet David's eyes, his gaze is hard and his face is set in a firm mask to keep the more vulnerable emotions under wraps, "He's just tryin' to help but he don't know what he's talkin' about. I was just bein' dramatic is all."

There it is. That word. He needs reassurance. And people. That's what Crutchie said. Nausea churns in David's gut when he thinks back to his conversation with Katherine. How easily she'd waved David off when she heard about their argument. She'd been so quick to dismiss Jack as dramatic, ignoring the fact that both Jack and David were in genuine distress. To her, Jack was just like that. How many times has Jack sought comfort only to be met with rejection? Was it just Katherine who looked at Jack in need of reassurance and company and turned him away or have others disregarded him just because they didn't understand? How many times has Jack laughed away his own needs because others thought they were a joke? Sifting through group interactions in his mind David isn't liking the answers he's coming up with.

"Who told you that?" David implores despite knowing full well that at least two important people in Jack's life have said that very thing to Jack's face. A pit opens up in his stomach when Jack just stares at him in shock.

Jack is quick to shake himself out of his stupor, staring at David with suspicion. "What'd'ya mean? No one told me that, that's just how it is." Jack shakes his head like it's David who's the weird one and like he isn't breaking David's heart.

"You aren't being dramatic because you need something." David insists. He's desperate for Jack to understand. He hates this new side of Jack he's accidentally uncovered, it's small and resigned and nothing like the bright man that Jack's always been. David's chest constricts painfully knowing that people have taken Jack's innate desire to be around the people he loves and turned it into something to be ashamed of. He doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive himself for ever being a part of it even if he never intended to be.

"I don't just need somethin' Dave. I'm needy and demandin' and I get all whiny instead of takin' no for an answer like an adult. It's dramatic and stupid and I'm tryin' to break the habit." Jack disagrees curtly, nearly biting his fingers when he shoves another piece of muffin into his mouth. The resentment that's rolling off of Jack in waves is horrendous. Jack's so convinced that his need to be acknowledged is such a toxic trait that for a moment David swears he can feel bile crawling up his throat.

David's never found Jack whiny or demanding. Needy on occasions but he's always been more than happy to oblige when Jack was in need of a little more attention than usual. To watch Jack stand there and say so confidently that he was certain he was all sorts of things he's never been is gut-wrenching. To hear that he was trying to break the habit of reaching out was the final straw.

David makes a choked noise and frantically tries to blink away the tears that suddenly flood his vision as he hastily puts his drink down before it could tumble from shaking hands. Jack startles, worry suddenly replacing the self-loathing, and practically throws the muffin aside to free his hands. "Hey, woah, Davey," Jack coos, reaching out slowly to make sure David has time to back away if he wants and the easy care and devotion only makes the tears come faster. "What'd I say? I'm sorry, love."

"No," David sniffs, wiping his tears away and trying to compose himself. "Please don't apologize, it's not you." He promises, allowing Jack's hands to come up and rest comfortingly on his biceps.

Jack smiles, amused, "Also not somethin' a guy wants to hear from his distressed boyfriend." He teases. His eyes are still shining with worry, concern dripping off him, and David is overwhelmed with affection. David came here to apologize to Jack, to make sure that Jack felt loved, and to communicate his boundaries to avoid this all spiraling out of control again. Yet here Jack was, dropping everything because David is upset. It was cruel how terribly the world has treated Jack Kelly and just how long it's taken David to really notice.

"Don't make me laugh right now," David huffs, squashing the chuckle building in his chest. He gently smacks Jack's arm, "I'm serious. I just wish you believed me. I don't think you're being dramatic, Jack. I don't think you ever have been, not about stuff like this. I'm sorry people made you believe that but please, please listen to me when I tell you that if you need me I'll make the time. I can always make the time for you, I've just been so stressed I forgot that for a little bit."

Jack shifts and reaches up to try to smooth out the sorrowful crease in David's brow with the pad of his thumb. David can't help but giggle and waves Jack's arm away. Jack's smug little expression is enough to send warmth flooding through David's veins and he swears he's never been so in love. "It's alright—" Jack promises.

"It's not. It's not, but I want you to know that I never wanted to hurt you like that." David interrupted. The last thing he wants right now is for Jack to push aside his feelings to appease David.

"I already forgave you." Jack replies swiftly with such confidence and conviction that it feels like a blow to the sternum. David just laughs and finally gives in to the need to pull Jack close, wrapping his arms around Jack's shoulders and tugging him in for a clumsy embrace. Jack submits easily, arms slipping around David's waist before he nuzzles soothingly at David's shoulder. "I really am sorry too. I shouldn't have kept pushin'." He mutters into David's chest.

"It's alright." David echos fondly.

"Thank you." Jack whispers after a few beats of silence. David doesn't respond, not verbally, instead tightening his hold and pressing a firm kiss to the side of Jack's head. He doesn't need to ask for what, he knows what Jack meant, and while it hurts his heart to know that Jack thought it was something he needed to thank David for he's still so glad that Jack acknowledged it at all. They'd be okay.

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