#ace demi or gray-ace i don’t care

[local-redhead-bookworm]

All text-rooted interpretations of source material are valid, so I’m not here to bash anyone’s interpretation. That being said, y’all can pry my headcanon of asexual panromantic Astarion out of my cold dead hands

[tracey-cauchemar]

“You can’t headcanon that character as Ace! They LITERALLY express sexual attraction!!!”

(headcanons them as Ace even harder)

[the-eyes-of-andyserkis]

would u smash Andy serkis as Smeagol? (Bonus points if u answer for gollum too) I don’t think I could, but I was curious lol. Thanks!

Anon I need you to know how hard I laughed when I ready this, I mean one never knows what to expect when opening an ask but damn, you caught me off-guard! 😂

Ok, well, since you asked:

Andy as Sméagol:

You know what? Yes. Would smash. He's adventurous, cares about his family, he's got a cute style, knows how to fish so he can provide, and encouraging to his cousin! I mean, yes, he was immediately corrupted by the ring and then killed said cousin but it was The One Ring, it could have happened to anyone! And also those eyes, and forearms? Listen, I am a simple woman, and I cannot resist the allure of those forearms, even in hobbit form.

Also I'm 5'1", so practically a hobbit myself. 😌

On to Gollum:

I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass. While it certainly isn't his fault he was corrupted, it's just not going to work. I mean, toxic personality alone is off the charts! Listen, I'm demi/gray ace, I have to at least like the person if there's going to be any chance of attraction. Also, he eats almost exclusively fish, and who knows when the last time he bathed was?? Klaue gets a "pop 10 cranberry pills and hope for the best," but I'm afraid I just can't chance it with that 500 year situation. So there's my answer anon, I thought far too hard about this and now I need reevaluate my life choices.

P.S. This extra made me laugh, because one of my best friends once said that I wasn't attracted to Andy, I was actually in attracted to Gollum, who just happens to be played by Andy. 😂

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hey Cas, Leo Anon.

I have successfully blown up my life since the last ask I sent you, so before you read this entire thing and call me a dick, just know… I know. 

It turns out Leo does still have a crush on me. And I still have a crush on him (it’s one of those annoying crushes that hasn’t just gone away after a month. Or a year. Or two).

He told me he still had a crush to explain his reaction and apologised. I then admitted I still have a crush on him.

And that’s where it all went downhill.

Leo got accepted into his dream university, and told us a few months ago under no certain terms would he dream of delaying going.

So when he said “I could go with you and Benjamin in the gap year” I panicked. (Benny’s my best mate btw, he’s obsessed with the Harry Potter dudes and has been complaining non stop about not having the time to enter your conan fest? Which is true he’s super busy- but he’s excited to read the fics i think cause he’s loves conan gray. Ngl I know nothing abt the Harry Potter fandom, hope that’s chill. He’s how I found this blog actually- and you’re really kind to take the time to read about how i’ve ruined my life). 

Back to the plot. Leo said what he said and I freaked, I didn’t want him coming with us and then resenting me later for him missing uni. 

I told him that’d interfere with me and Benny’s plans to hook up with a bunch of people. 

He got really quiet and sounded really sad as he said he had to go. 

We didn’t have plans to hook up with people. I panicked and lied…

Oh and gets worse. Word got back to Benny’s girl (they’re not technically dating yet but they are) who’s going to a dif country after the summer for skl, and so we were gonna delay our trip where she is so Benny and her could hang.

But she heard what I told Leo abt hooking up and was mad. So I had to do some damage control.

I met up with her and told her only I was hooking up with people, I just didn’t want to hurt Leo’s feelings any more than I had.

She accepted that and her and Benny are chill but word got back to Leo and now he hates me. 

He thinks I lied and I wanted to spend the whole time hooking up with people and he’s never meant anything to me and I don’t care about people. 

If we’re being honest, I wasn’t going to hook up anyone on this trip. I hate hooking you with people. 

Benny said he thinks i’m on the ace spectrum (demi something he said, like the singer idk?) 

It was chill with my first gf, but my ex bf pressured me into it since i’d “already lost my virginity so what?” and then I hooked up with like one other person before deciding it wasn’t really for me.

But I had a rep by then somehow and everyone thought I was some play boy. 

I figured my mates knew that wasn’t true but turns out they all believed the rumours too. 

Point is, Leo thinks he’s “just another on of my hookups” when the most we’ve ever done is make out and I felt more then than anything else i’ve ever done. 

This is stupid. I shouldn’t bother you with my dumb problems. Sorry.

I know I ought to apologise and come clean and stuff but, maybe it’s better if I just leave the friendship fucked up, that way he won’t sacrifice anything for me and I can fuck around the world being cultural and shit. He can do better anyway. 

Hi!

Alright, you need to communicate with him!

You can't lie to make someone else's decisions for them! That's not cool! Look at where it's gotten you!

Please, sit Leo down and tell him everything- including that you don't want him to give up Uni for you. But remember that's his decision. If you like him and maybe want to be in a relationship with him, you need to respect his wants and needs, don't decide for him. Talk together about what's best <3

You're not a bad person, I know you were trying to help him. But the best thing to do is talk about it.

Tell Benny I say hi, and he should come try the fest!

[wordsgood]

doli lin is aro and allo, or maybe aro and demi, or maybe aro and gray-ace, or maybe aro and “doesn’t really think about sex that much but does like/want it sometimes, mostly with men whom he has come to trust and whose company he enjoyed already, there are probably exceptions but it’s not something he’s had to think about that often because he’s always either been with tomi (person he loves most in the world, would never sleep with) or grieving tomi (too distracted/depressed/self-medicated to think much about expressing any kind of outward sexuality in a healthy way) so who really cares about how/when his attraction works”

meanwhile, tomi is alloromantic but just. ace as hell. full stop no nuance asexual. sex repulsed, tries not to think about it, encourages his soulmate to do whatever he wants with whoever else he wants but has a hard boundary about Not Talking About It Afterwards, Please, My Heart, I Don’t Want To Know

[obsoleteozymandias]

Hi! I saw your requests are open so I was wondering if I could get a matchup for Resident Evil, any character if fine with me. Sorry if mines a bit long. Feel free to detail or take your time with it.

Nonbinary, She/They, Bi-oriented demi romantic gray ace

INFP 4w5

In short: A shy, informed of being too empathic, depressed, and autistic college student, studying at the moment radiology, but works as a freelance journalist and occasional host on different podcasts with a focus on bettering society through education. Has a record for chronically getting in over their head, but has emerged a jack of many trades due to that. Comically experienced best example was when I got onto a podcast hosted by experts in a bunch of fields and I just graduated hs but was able to discuss topics ranging from development of ai to causes of cultural polarization, with me and the psychologist bouncing off each other in discussion quite a bit, for a couple hours with them.

Personality: Quiet and shy, only really opening up as I work, see someone needing help, or notice a common interest. I have been called mom by many people due to how deep running my older sibling instincts are. I have a mask of confidence due to often working with people years older to hide a fear of rejection. My work as a journalist has led me to see some of the worst in people, so I can come off a bit tired but I try to use my experiences to help others. I tend to speak with a large degree of candor and I’ll spring off whenever I hear someone say to make a joke or affectionately poke fun at something. I’m also known as the cockroach because of my sheer tenacity to survive situations that would bring a lot of people down. While I don’t seem like the sort to take charge, I will if I see things go downhill with efficiency to make sure everything that needs to be done gets done.

Appearance: 5 foot 6 inches and gonna say this since I saw you know TWST is the fact I basically look like a shorter Malleus with brown eyes and glasses like Azul. I tend to dress in sweater vests, waistcoats, and button ups but I do love my leather jacket. Some days, I’ll look more feminine other days I’ll wear my binder. Additionally, I also sometimes wear a brace on my elbow due to an injury I got due to the amount of desk work I do.

Likes: Coffee, having time for a nap, going down random rabbit holes of research, media analysis, writing, working on my novel, making different drinks and food, punk, and rock.

Dislikes: Bigots, loud crowds, unrealistic expectations, conformity, people that have a simmering anger, and environments that leave people on the edge.

Me in a relationship: Very much more of an unspoken affection sort of person, I’ll make small changes to things or add steps in my daily routine to help my partner. I also am a bit cuddly, though only after people gain my trust, as I’m a tad touch starved. Cooking is another thing that I will do, especially with trying to figure out things that bring happy memories and such.

What I look for: Someone who can make me laugh and is willing to listen. Doesn’t cause feeling walking on eggshells constantly. People that care for others and are empathic. Able to deal with some distance at times due to needing time to mentally sort things. Acceptance of flaws and quirks but willing to help each other grow.

Have a good day, night, whichever is applicable to you, and thank you for your time.

Not that it matters because wikis exist, but I feel like I should mention that the last ResE game I played was the original 4 back when I was young. Everything else is just fandom osmosis if I’m being real, so if anyone reads this and is like “yeah Oz you dink it’s obvious” I apologize. 

Hope you enjoy!

== Resident Evil==>

I match you up with…

Rebecca Chambers 

Rebecca is the epitome of caring and empathetic, not to mention extremely intelligent and capable. She’ll keep up with you like few others can. 

As such, she’ll understand when you need space. And she’ll need it herself - she’s a busy gal. 

I imagine this is somewhat of an unspoken relationship - where the things you need to say are communicated with loving looks and gestures, and where it feels like you two may even be psychically connected. 

You also share a passion for activism. She’s been through hell, and so her dedication to making the world a better place is on par with yours. 

When you first meet, she’s the kind of person who you find yourself talking to for hours, completely out of nowhere. She’s easy to like, and what's more, she likes you, and likes hearing what you have to say. 

She’s also someone who you can feel comfortable around given her younger age. 

You both have the same way of behaving due to having to be around those who are alot older than you. 

She’ll be a stable figure in your life when you two start dating (which I imagine would be after a long few years of friendship under which romantic feelings simmer unsaid). She’s there when you need her, and even when you don’t, and she won’t hesitate to step in or help you. 

At the end of the day, it can sometimes feel like it’s you and her against the world. But maybe, together, you two can change that. 

[call-me-double-trouble]

Double Trouble Sexual Orientation Headcanons

I don’t know what inspired me to make this post, I just wanted to share my thoughts and the general vibes of various sexuality headcanons about our favorite enby lizard. Keep in mind, these are just my opinions, and they’re not backed up by evidence. This is all in good fun.

Under a cut because this might get long

Yes, I know that Jacob Tobia referred to them as gay in a tweet, and the SPOP Wiki lists them as Achillean based on this, but I’d argue this doesn’t technically count as canon, since it was never established in the show itself (the only possible mention being them calling Sea Hawk “Hot Stuff”), so I think people’s headcanons and non-achillean ships are perfectly valid. That said, I’m not against the idea of them being gay, and I can definitely see it.

Gay/Achillean: This definitely holds up. DT is a theatre kid, after all, and we all know theatre kids are gay (joking). They have big twink energy, and of course, the classic “That’s your cue, Hot Stuff.” Some of my favorite DT ships are with men (Bow, Wrong Hordak, Peekablue, and Sea Hawk). However, I still think they have good chemistry with Catra, and I personally like the headcanon that they had a crush on her and may have felt bitter at being second-best to Adora, thus fueling a bit of the meaner parts of their betrayal. I still imagine them with a preference for men, but I don’t think women are out of the running.

Lesbian/Sapphic: This one’s a lot less common. I’ve actually only seen one person headcanon this, though there may be a few more. They don’t quite give me lesbian vibes, but they do seem to have chemistry with Catra, and I like several ships involving DT with a woman (such as Catra, Adora, and Scorpia).

Bi/Pan/Omni/Poly: This is my personal headcanon and has been ever since I got to know the character. They just seem like the kind of person who has lots of affection to go around (whether this is romantic or sexual is up to you). I lean more towards bi or omni for them because, as I said, I feel like they have a preference for men, but I feel like they get crushes on women, too. Though, let’s be real, it’s more likely for people to crush on DT than the other way around. They KNOW they’re the hottest bitch on Etheria!

Aspec/Arospec: Another one of my personal favorites. Yes, I’m biased, since I’m ace, but COME ON, it’d be such a glorious defiance of expectations and stereotypes, and DT would live for the chaos they’d cause by oozing sexual energy and not being interested in doing a thing about it. They’d be this untouchable, irresistible them fatale and OWN IT. But I feel like they’d also be fun as an aroace because of their ability to read people. They’ve got it down to a science, and logically analyzing romance/sexual attraction in an attempt to understand it is SUCH an aroace mood. They also seem like the type who just wouldn’t be interested in dating, and as I said, it’d be great if this gorgeous, smooth-talking, flirtatious lizard in a skin-tight outfit wasn’t interested in sex. What a power move! Of course, you could also see them as ace and alloromantic, gray ace, demi, allosexual aro, etc. I like the idea of aroace DT as much as ace DT who DOES date. As for their intimate life, maybe they do, maybe they don’t, maybe they do and just don’t care much about it one way or the other, maybe they do only under specific circumstances—there’s a whole variety of ways an aspec and/or arospec DT can be written, and I think it’s one of the most interesting interpretations of this character!

Polyamorous: I mean. Obviously. DT is so easy to ship, so you might as well make them date everyone XD. But seriously, I love this headcanon and think it fits them very well, and it’s one that I include in daydreams and the few fanfic things I’ve written.

[pageofheartdj]

Hi! Autistic aroace anon from before! I saw your post abt ace Donnie and aro Leo (which btw, I LOVE how their colors are basically their flags? But in Leo’s case it’s his green tone)

And I totally agree!! Donnie seems to have somewhat interest in romance, like the innuendo at the Bearnardo “why I always like the cute and mean ones” and with Atomic Lass. But a teen flirty normal level (thank god, I also agree with you at the “pls they dont care yet, its hormones. Pls focus family and friends), than to actually have smth not rlly, and the arosexual part? I may be projecting a lil here. But he always seemed more interested in the flirt part than anything else.

With Leo, he liked to flirt, but more to charm the person to gain their favor than actually flirt, like in Donnie’s case. He always seemed averse, but not against it, just “yuck”. I felt that was also a normal teen reaction like “I don’t wanna get strings attached” but with smth more, a “yeah, rlly not for me” thing. I can totally see him being gray/demi aro (again projecting? I’m gray/demi aroace), since with some stuff he seems fine but with others, more exaggerated or “honeyed” ones, he gets uncomfortable. But I could understand if ppl put him on sex-repulsed full Aro in the spectrum.

It’s totally wild and funny to me how the fandom is rlly 8/80. The dynamics of both of them being switched in the fandom to fit the box idea that they created for these two is wild to me. “Oh, Donnie’s autistic and 10% of the time, specially in stressful situations, he doesn’t want to be touched? And also a genius nerd? Nah, he’s a goofy goober which the idea of relationships is totally alien and foreign to him, he totally runs from it and has 0 experience of it”. “Oh, Leo’s has narcissistic tendencies and flirted to gain favors before in specific and numbered occasions? He’s totally a flirt, believing everyone wants to date him and he’s a heartbreaker, he totally loves that attention, not uncomfortable at all”

So yeah, sorry for my lil rant, but I rlly do feel whatchu said in that post a whole lot!!

Speaking of colors, he is blue and wore that orange uniform in Air Turtles so yaknow XD

The thing is, the turtles are teens, PLUS they lived an isolated way of life. They had NO way of acting on their interests no matter if they had or didn't have any.

And also. Attraction and relationships are not connected whatsoever! They can. But they don't have to! So the allo person might not want any relationships and aspec person can want and be in one. The relationship status says NOTHING of their identity xD

And moving on to Donnie. He has crushes on fictional character and makes sense, again, no people around. But he also used this his type on Strawberry who are very real and in the moment and is very cute and is very mean to him xD Donnie has a type with real girls too. What he wants to do with this attraction and if he has any sexual attraction is unknown and obviously, it's a kid's cartoon and romance is basically a non-existant part of it(thank god xD). And anyone can hc almost any queer and not queer identity on him, because all of them can and will work xD

Same with Leo, we have some canon moments with him, but it can work for so many queer identities. He is aro as a very direct conclusion. He is grey or demi and his repulsiveness tones down if he falls for someone, etc xD He can also be just a teen who is not into romance but now it extra disgusts him. Anything can work and as long as we are not forcing our hcs on others, it's all good xD

I also hc Donnie a quick developer, he had his plastron developed first, he instalearned his mystics. He could get into the whole romance territory earlier than Leo too xD Leo might not be that enthusiastic the way Donnie is, but still!

Although Mikey doesn't seem to mind and Raph is a big supporter as a comparison xD

And yeeeeeeah I am not a fan(although I can VERY much understand) of latching on this one trait, no matter if it's a rare one or not, and making it the whole personality. Donnie is autistic and very rarely is not 100% excited for a touch? He is touch repulsed autistic. He has canon romantic interests? Nah he is aroace. (Which I LOVE aroace hcs. But I've noticed that in fandoms aroace hcs 99% mean NO romance and NO sex NEVER, even though aspec has SO much variation). With Leo he has these few sad moments and BOOM he is a 100% 24/7 sad boy that was born depressed and all that. Despite the fact that he is very joyful and very confident and very cocky most of the time. YES he copes with jokes, this doesn't mean ALL his jokes are just cover ups. Donnie's copes with collecting data, doesn't mean he doesn't do it on regular just cause he likes it. HECK both of them tend to cope with the thing they like, so they would feel better. Donnie likes data collecting so he copes with it. Leo likes joking so he copes with it.

I love your rants🤝

[henrysglock]

So, I have been thinking over your conversations about Ace Dustin and it made me rethink the reasons I carried that headcanon, it was always because I related to him the most. I'm ace and he was always my fav and I tend to project onto my fav character in a lot of media I enjoy.

I also headcanon Murray as ace, something about him resonated with me and I loved that headcanon.

I also thought about your words; "why not Nancy, Joyce, Jonathan, etc." and I agree, why not them? It's wise to think proactively about our headcanons and how it speaks to other people around us.

I would love to see more characters portrayed on the ace and/or aro spectrum because it's never the same from individual to individual. It would be nice to see diversity in this.

I apologize for this ramble, I don't often talk about "discourse", I'm afraid of wording my thoughts poorly.

Hey Nonnie!! At the risk of it coming off negatively…I want to start out by saying: thank you for being Normal about this all. Genuinely.

Ace Murry is an absolute favorite of mine!! He and Jonathan give off so many ace vibes (though I lean towards demi/gray for Jonathan but full on ace for Murray) Like…gough. Impeccable.

I personally have not seen ace headcanons for Nancy/Steve/Joyce/Hopper/etc. I’ve only seen Jon recently (as in I found out other people headcanoned him the way I do because of this big controversial post). It’s always Dustin or Will, who imho have a non-insignificant amount of allosexual coding.

Nonnie, I think you’re one of the few people talking to me about this topic that Gets It. It’s not about me disliking ace headcanons. It’s never been about that. The problem is the pattern of who is chosen and the implicit bias in those choices.

I’m not telling people the can’t hold those headcanons. Not once have I said that. All I said was that it has little canon basis, and that people should examine the other parts of the characters they choose, parts that might make an asexual headcanon harmful/might feed into stereotypes about other marginalized communities.

I would love to see more aroace Nancy, aspec/arospec Hopper, demi Joyce!! Hell, I’m on the aro spectrum. I don’t typically use microlabels (because to cishets, a queer is a queer), but for anyone who cares: I am cupioromantic. I would kill to see more diversity in the aroace headcanon territory.

(In fact…I have been warming up to cupioromantic Henry, which I was particularly resistant to because of his status as a mental/emotional and sexual abuse victim. However. I cannot escape the character projection death spiral.)

My issue is with people who refuse to see the bigger picture, how people outside the ace community and especially people from other marginalized communities (i.e. the disabled community, gay men, SA victims…of which I am 3 for 3) might perceive their representation always being assigned asexual in spite of that not-insignificant allo coding.

Again, I’m not saying people can’t hold those headcanons, I just need them to acknowledge the pattern of stereotypes and implicit bias.

[mikaharuka]

For the character asks... I pick Carlisle.

Heyo sliebman10! Thanks for the ask~

Since you didn't specify a stand-in question (I'm answering relative to the Winter Light verse, so I skipped questions 2-4), I decided to answer @tsunderewatermelon's question from his ask about Mina!

"What was [his] most character-defining moment in the series so far, in your opinion. Like, what really made the character pop for you?"

-

1: sexuality headcanon:

This is two-fold. First, I see him as either demi or gray, as far as the aro/ace spectrum goes - disinterested unless the conditions click. Second, he lived as long as he did without being involved with a woman along the way, but did end up involved with men (even if rare and not very deep). As a result, I'm fairly sure 'of the same gender' is a necessary condition for any attraction to click.

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

Oddly enough... similar to Mike, he keeps (or tries to keep) a calmer external demeanor but has an over-dramatic, loud inner monologue.

6: favorite line from this character

Honestly, his entire exchange with Mike in Midnight (Ch 14) was a strange blend of awkward, tense, and strangely hilarious in an absurdist way. I think it's because he himself is really sincere, despite the stiff awkwardness. There were two little bits that I loved - the first about Rosalie and the second about Beau/the hospital incident:

“Rose and I don’t interact too often outside of school-related matters.”

“Interesting. She regularly corresponds with you. Do you not consider her a friend?”

“A friend…”

<paragraph about Mike thinking over things>

Huh… maybe they were friends of a sort after all?

“You’ve come to a realization.”

<Mike considers Carlisle's clearly inhuman presentation>

“I didn’t think of it that way before, but I suppose we are. Friends, that is.”

“I would agree, based on what Rosalie has told me.”

“What makes you say I didn’t create the bond on purpose?”

This man was just as inquisitive as his brother. Mike could appreciate that, though, being of that sort himself.

“It seemed obvious to me. From what Beau told me of the… bond initiation, anyways. If you had intentionally created the bond, I think you would have been more careful or deliberate about it, or at least less visibly affected and more in control.”

“Ah, that…” The doctor looked away briefly before meeting Mike’s eyes again. “I was not feeling well at the time. That day was… not exactly my finest moment.”

Wow. Carlisle really did resemble his brother a lot, huh?

“You are right, of course. I do not know how or why that bond initiated, but I would have done something to stop it, had I known what would happen.”

7: one way in which I relate to this character

Trying to keep a stable exterior despite being a total mess on the inside? That's pretty much an average day in my life lol

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

Whenever Carlisle interacts with a human for the first time in a "more-than-professional/stranger" capacity (as he does with Mike in Midnight), seeing him try to socially match the other person in his stiff, awkwardly sincere way makes me feel a bit embarrassed for him. Being said... I think this is more of an 'ancient vampire' thing, because Carlisle can feel people out fairly quickly and match them much more easily (and much less awkwardly) after a few meetings.

(tl;dr: the next time he meets Beau, it'll be extremely awkward lol)

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

While I think both apply to him, he swings pretty wildly between the two ends... which by default puts him in the latter group, I think?

Stand-In Question:

Midnight (Ch 14) is a major turning point - it is the first time Carlisle is depicted from a POV that isn't Beau's extremely biased one.

Which is not to say that Mike is totally unbiased... but not only is he pretty neutral, relative to Beau, his thoughts and perceptions are also as objective as you can get from someone in his position. As a result, the audience finally gets a more true-to-life idea of what Carlisle is like - even considering the unusual circumstances in that chapter.

[check out my other answers for this ask in this post]

[oatmealpeople]

Non-Platonic Ships with AroAce Characters: An Entire Goddamn Guide of what not to say.

So,

you’re an allo fan(artist) who shipped an aroace character.

This is now especially relevant in the time of our lord and saviour, Yelena Belova. Many people have been creating ships without taking into account her queer identity. But no worries! Nothing a little bit of taking accountability and listening to the affected community can’t fix!

Just make sure you actually do that and don’t just say;

“Well Aro/acespec people can still be in relationships and have sex”

yes they can... with nuance. Was there a genuine care about the relationship between that person’s aroace identity and relationship to romance/sex? Did you do your research on sex/romance favourability? on gray/demi, etc. aro/ace experiences? Was their Aspec identity integral to how you depicted their character and interactions? There is perspective needed to portray aro/ace experience that is relevant to partnership/relationship narratives.

The majority of the time, this excuse of ace/aro people existing in relationships/partnerships is used as a convenient loophole. Escaping accountability for contributing to the erasure of an aro/ace character’s identity by a creating a romantic/sexual dynamic without considering it.

“Its only canon in the comics, not the MCU”

&

“Don’t get mad at other fans, get mad at the studio!”

By this logic, any blatant erasure/censorship of a queer character’s sexuality onscreen (e.g. Valkyrie and Ayo) shouldn’t bother you? Fanworks created that ignore a character’s queer identity are fine? Any report of a queer identity being stolen from an onscreen adaption of a character has been met with backlash. Of course there was! There are so many identities and experiences that intersect and represent all parts of a person. Someone’s sexuality isn’t only relevant for who they are attracted to, but all affects facets of who they are. It removes the intimacy in relatability you have to a character, they can become uncomfortable and unrecognisable.

There has been no statement from Marvel or any official source about the future of Yelena’s love-life. The only article issued is from ScreenRant and is an opinion piece about how they could hypothetically, produce a relationship for Bucky and Yelena. Saying they could use Yelena’s proximity and assassin experience in the red room to be Natasha’s replacement in a relationship based from Natasha and Bucky’s relationship in the comics. Hey Siri, play the second stanza of Washing Machine Heart by Mitski.

Basically, what I’m saying is that the studio hasn’t said anything and aro/ace people have the right to give a fuck about erasure and representation and not tolerate bullshit. Erasure and invalidation can come from anyone, people have a right to feel upset and receive empathy when they feel invisible.

“She’s only inferred to be ace in the comics, not aro”

There are two pieces of evidence that are frequently referenced when it comes to Yelena’s ace and aro identities. And yes, its indicative of the existence of both.

First of all the comic panel.

Nikki: Maybe it’s your kink, that’s why. Starkovsky always though you were a lesbian... So I thought I should ask.

Yelena: No I’m not a lesbian, I’m not... Anything.

I guess if you were to interpret talking about kink as inference of sex and sexual attraction, you would see this as only validation in her ace identity. But the way Yelena says that she isn’t “anything”, wouldn’t that stretch over both sexual and romantic facets of attraction? Regardless, it is ace affirming.

The next piece of evidence is an interview with writer Devin Grayson, “...and (Yelena) probably more likely to identify as asexual than to follow Nat’s romantic path...” This seems like a case of miscommunication/misunderstanding. A common misconception to people not familiar with aspec identities, is thinking asexuality is indicative of aromanticism. In case you are one of those people, no, it is not.

Asexual and Aromantic, as labels, are completely independent of each other. Asexuality regarding sexual attraction and Aromantic regarding romantic. It doesn’t make sense to be talking about Natasha’s “romantic paths” and then equate the inverse that is Yelena’s romantic path to asexuality. Ergo, Yelena is aromantic.

In conclusion,

I am tired, it is 3:30am and I ran out of my last fuck to give. Ace/Aro people are queer, Ace/Aro people are queer enough, we deserve representation too. Amen Hallelujah Yahtzee Goodnight.

[acespec-ed]

As a heteroromantic gray ace, I don’t care if people assume I’m straight. Every now and then, I think of myself as “half-straight.” When I’m filling out some form that lists sexual orientations on it, with no asexual option, I pick “straight” (while grumbling about ace erasure). Everyone irl assumes I’m 100% straight, and I’m fine with that. Because in many ways, I am straight.

What’s not cool though, is seeing people call heteroromantic gray aces (and, hell, gray aro heterosexuals while we’re at it) “straight.”

When people call hetero aspecs “straight,” they are erasing the acespec/arospec part of our identity. Usually it’s assholes doing this on purpose, knowing damn well why it’s wrong. But I’m sure there’s also people out there doing this who don’t know any better. And this post is mostly for them, because the ones doing it to be an asshole will continue doing it to be an asshole no matter what I say, so, fuck ‘em.

For me, the gray ace part of my orientation is more important than being heteroromantic. It’s more important than the few times I experienced sexual attraction. Even though I do get crushes on men, and have only experienced sexual attraction towards men, the fact that I’m gray ace is important to me. Many other aspecs feel the same about themselves. It’s affected the way we grew up. The way we relate to the world. The way we navigate dating if we want a relationship. The way those relationships would work. Then, there’s the assumptions people make about those of us who don’t want to date. About those of us who aren’t interested in relationships. About those of us who avoid sex and/or romance.

Referring to hetero aspecs as straight erases that. All of our life experiences affected by us being aspec are crossed out. Like none of that matters. Like our problems are meaningless. Like our identities are invalid. Reducing us down to “just straight” completely ignores the differences between our experiences and straight allos. Those differences are why we go by gray, or demi, or whatever other aspec label. That distinction matters to a lot of us. It’s important to a lot of us.

I am not “basically straight.” 

I am not “basically allo.” 

I am gray asexual. 

If there wasn’t a difference, the label wouldn’t exist.

[k-s-morgan]

This doesn't really have anything to do with your fics, but right now I'm questioning my sexuality, and I think I might be aro, but I'm not sure. I've never had a crush before, and I've never had any feelings towards anyone other than platonic and familial love. Could you maybe help me confirm it, because I've never met someone whose ace or aro in real life, and I just feel very confused. BTW, your fics are amazing, I love 'Those Gentle Slopes That Lead To Hell. Thanks a lot. 😄

I'm sorry, I didn't see your ask when it arrived! I usually try to address sexuality-related questions right away.

Of course, you're the only one who can confirm this for yourself, but yes, it definitely sounds like you might be aromantic! I had the exact same situation. I never had a crush on anyone; the one time I was interested in someone was because I felt flattered that the most popular and handsome boy around chose me. I was about 12 and it felt really exciting to me, but even then, I knew that something was wrong. He tried to make me jealous by talking about another girl he was dating and I was just sitting there, thinking, "Hmm, I couldn't care less. Why is that?" My friends told me they don't get how I can be so indifferent about it, but it just didn't matter to me. Later, I realized that I simply liked his attention, not him in particular.

Another funny story: when I was 4, some of my friends in the kindergarten developed crushes on different boys. I decided that I was going to develop one on my neighbour - my explanation was that when I grow up, I'll marry him so that I could stay next to my Mom in the same neighbourhood. I thought growing up = marriage = moving to your husband's place, so that was my plan. Surprisingly calculating and non-romantic even at that age :D

The biggest advice I can give from personal experience is that you should try to avoid obsessing over fitting yourself into a box. You might identify as aro now, but then you might meet someone and realize you're demi or gray-romantic or whatever. Just go with what you feel is comfortable right now. Sometimes I had moments when I felt compelled to try finding a partner, so I went to speed dating, spent time on dating sites, and I only ended up frustrated because it just felt boring to me. I physically couldn't imagine myself in love, the whole picture felt unnatural. I was relieved when I found a way to classify myself because it removed the occasional pressure I felt, but I was the only one creating it. So honestly, just let it flow how it does: identify as aro if this feels right to you; don't worry about it changing/not changing - your happiness with yourself is a priority here.

[fanficswithskylar]

Asexual MC HCs

MC comes out as asexual

im ace so why not do this. also wanna add not every ace person is the same its a spectrum and youre all valid so i kept this kindof vague i guess?

--------------------------------------------------------

Lucifer

Very good at being supportive

Offers to give you a hug

Let’s you explain your feelings to the extent you want

If you’re in a relationship his feelings don’t change at all

Extra careful about asking about boundaries

Mammon

When you explain it he’s really supportive

Telling you he’ll like you no matter what

When you mention there’s other labels under gray asexual like demi, he asks a lot about it

If you don’t know what your label specifically is he’s still very supportive of you

Really happy you trusted him enough to tell him

If you’re dating nothing changes he just makes sure to show his affection in other ways like cuddles, gifts, spending more time together

Leviathan

He’s also on the spectrum

When you try to describe your feelings without outright saying it he just blurts out “Same!” without thinking

You both went quiet for a second

Not the reaction you expected, but good nonetheless

You spend the night gaming and talking about your feelings together

Both leaving feeling validated and glad it went well

If you’re dating it was a great opportunity to figure out your relationship better

Satan

He’s heard of the ace spectrum before

He’s aware of how hard it can be to come out so he let’s you take your time explaining it

Let’s you know you’re still perfectly valid and he supports you

If you’re having trouble on a specific label he let’s you know you can take your time

If you’re dating he’ll keep in mind how to show you his affection better

Asmodeus

He catches on what you’re trying to say very fast

His feelings and emotions about you don’t change

Asks more about your feelings to know what would be crossing a barrier, like if he’s allowed to make suggestive jokes around you

Has a sixth sense for when someone’s being offensive over it to come stop them

If you’re dating it doesn’t effect him he still loves you

Beelzebub

Probably demi, not gonna lie

Gives you a hug while you’re talking

Relates to your feelings a lot, just didn’t notice

Gave you some of his favorite snacks to share

Belphegor

He was half asleep when you walked in

Once he realized how nervous you where he woke up all the way

Offered to cuddle if you want

Makes sure you know his feelings about you don’t change

If you’re dating it doesn’t change anything, he’s still very supportive of you

Diavolo

When he noticed how nervous you where he calmed down and let you take your time

He knows about how difficult it can be for humans to come out and told you it’s ok to be who you are

Made sure to show you a lot of support

If you’re dating he puts a lot more emphasis on spending time together how you want to

Barbatos

You told him you wanted to talk when you showed up at the palace

He made some tea for both of you

He gave you a warm smile while you where talking, in a way he rarely does

Let you talk through it and gave reassurance every time you looked to him for comfort

If you’re dating hes perfectly fine with following your boundaries

Simeon

He’s very supportive of you finding your label

Being the angel he is he knows just what to say when you start to doubt yourself

He sits with you for comfort and brings you some of Luke’s sweets

If you struggle with your label he’s there for support

If you’re dating he let’s you decide the boundaries and his feelings never falter

Solomon

He noticed the tenseness in the room

Let you say what you had to

Told you it’s okay and he’ll support you no matter what

Even if you’re unsure of your label he’s there for comfort and guidance if you want it

If you’re dating he makes sure to show his affection for you more obviously if you start to doubt

[gra-sonas]

I love you but please PLEASE stop shipping Tyler and Michael irl, whenever you say something people take it as godspeak and we all know Michael is straight and, last we knew Tyler was in a committed relationship. You stopped identifying as bisexual but you shouldn't throw us all under the bus

Okay, my first reaction upon reading your ask was IGNORE IT, my second was MOCK IT (at least the part about Vlamburn). But it's been a couple of hours since you sent it, and I'm going to answer in earnest bc it really irks and upsets me.

First of all: I couldn't possibly ship them any harder than they ship themselves. If asked, I'm sure they'd very much agree with me describing what they are doing as flirting (or something similar). And there's nothing wrong with that? It's all harmless fun and feeds into our excitement for Malex. Big fucking deal.

However, I'm under no illusion that they could possibly be a couple irl. Apart from identifying as straight, Vlamis is clearly very happy in his relationship with Aurora (and vice versa), and I have the utmost respect for that (they are cute af together, and I wish them nothing but eternal happiness, if anything, I'm shipping their love!).

Tyler's personal life/relationship status on the other hand is exactly that: personal. I appreciate everything he's sharing, but I'm not going to speculate about intimate details (I get tons of asks about that regularly, and they all remain unanswered bc it's none of my fucking business 🤷‍♀️).

So, am I going to stop doing what I do regarding Vlamburn on social media or the way I post about them? Hell no, why would I? It's all harmless fun and very much on par with what they are doing. There's nothing "inappropriate" or "disrespecting" about my posts, and honestly, if there are people who can't differentiate between the harmless flirty fun they are providing, and assuming they are fucking irl, that's on them, not me.

I'm not responsible for how people read their relationship - which imo is that of two colleagues (who also happen to be good friends) who are clearly very fond of each other, adore each other, and have zero issues with intimacy, innuendo, or riling each other up in the comment sections. Do I believe they are a couple or fuck irl? No, I don't. Do I imply any of that in my posts? Also no.

They are (willingly and fully aware) playing into a fantasy, where sometimes the lines between the fictional couple they play on screen, and their rl friendship can get a bit blurry, but never in a way that would make me think there's actually more.

If anyone else does that, that's their thing (and I'm not shaming here, just keep it away from the actors), but I'm certainly not running an RPF blog here, where I promote the illusion that they are secretly a couple.

whenever you say something people take it as godspeak

Uhm... WHAT??? I'm fairly certain that's not the case. I have zero authority (least of all any kind of godly authority) over anyone. We're all just fans here. I happen to have an active blog, yes, but I'm only stating my personal opinion here, and I'm trying to provide information and facts, and that's it.

I'm not here telling anyone what to ship, how to ship it, or what not to ship. And really, for all I care, as long as no harm is done to any real persons (especially the actors themselves), if people want to ship Vlamburn "for real", go forth and do whatever floats your boat. RPF is first and foremost a fantasy, a what-if. And lbr, these two make it REALLY easy to imagine things.

I understand that it's not for everyone, and the concept of RPF/RP shipping makes a lot of people feel uncomfortable. And that's perfectly valid. No one has to like it.

But again, unless the actors are being roped into anything, are made feeling uncomfortable, or people do shit like attack Aurora for being with Vlam (to my knowledge none of this has happened, and I hope to god that it never will!), and as long as it's strictly kept in fandom circles, I have no issues with it.

You stopped identifying as bisexual but you shouldn't throw us all under the bus

And this is the part of your ask where I got angry and irritated and then really upset. What the everloving fuck are you talking about???

Last time I checked (THIS VERY SECOND), I'm as bisexual as ever. I've fought fucking hard to claim that label for myself, and just bc I also happen to identify as demi/gray-A, that doesn't make me any less bisexual.

Demi for me is just an additional identifier that describes a little more closely how I feel. I don't identify as asexual tho. I love and cherish the ace community, and I feel very close to them, but I am 100% bisexual, and no one gets to tell me I'm not. Fucking hell. How dare you!

Srsly, I'm so pissed about this. Do you have any idea how hard it is to come to terms with how you feel, how fucking hard it is to find labels that might fit, and then claim any of them for yourself, always doubting, always worrying you're not "bi enough"?

And then some holier-than-thou queer police asshole on the internet comes along and tells you you're not what you know is your truth? Don't ever do that to anyone else, it fucking sucks.

Thanks for making me angry and upset, I really didn't need that today (or any other day).

And really, where and how am I "throwing anyone under the bus"??? The way I identify has nothing to do with this blog, the way I post, and least of all with whether anyone thinks Vlamburn are more than friends/colleagues.

Man, next time you consider sending an ask like this to someone you claim you "love", think again. And then don't type any of this BS into a tiny box and send it to a real person.

Thanks for making an otherwise happy day unnecessarily more shitty.

[videcoeur]

Talking with some people earlier and while I’m not too into putting labels on myself, I am coming out as

Asexual (sex positive) and demi-romantic.

My labels have changed a lot throughout the years, going from Heterosexual/heteroromantic to Pansexual/Bisexual/Panromantic to Gray-Ace/Panromantic and now this.

I really don’t care that much about labels but ayy I’m part of the ace gang and I think it was worth mentioning :)