#accomodate* whatever
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starter call 😇 pick an archangel, or both.
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the bite of gentle girls.
written with lines given to me by @quecksilvereyes/@glasswaters! full text under the cut, with larissa's words in purple
[oh, my love, don’t you know I was born sugarspun? it’s stuck to my fingertips, see, to the roof of my mouth. every sharp word drowns in syrup— palatable, fit for company.
like in all things, I dull my edges to hold the world, or what little of it I can gather. the greed is a hunger, gnawing down the marrow of each bone never the form it should be;
it was cast in shape before I took my first breath. a body, fit for consumption— just don’t look at my teeth.
when the nurse birthed me, she cut her hands on its sharp edges. with her blood on my skin, I took my first breath. look, now, how the hollow in me hungers. love, love, I cried endlessly, the plea that will go unanswered in every tomorrow.
what voice sings even now? breathe, love, fill the empty space in your lungs. swaddled in breaking strands, I gave my first wail. this, too, echoes through my life. cries are ignored until silence is my only comfort. carry me now soft and gentle as any other lie.
sugar, honey, sweet nothings are still nothing no matter what you dress them in. I am ever hiding the sharp of my canines.
had I been anyone else, I could have shaken loose the sugar to reveal steel. but I am only ever myself, so I swallow it down— smile, love, don’t you think I’m sweet?]
#poetry#spilled ink#spilled words#deadpoetsnet#inkstay#writerscreed#something something the socialization of girls to dull their teeth and be accomodating and never put themselves first etc etc#be sweet be good be kind be obedient be gentle be easy be whatever we say. girls should just start biting. we should aim for blood.
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the decision to make jane into what is essentially a cartoon character with the way he literally wears the same goddamn outfit every episode is so funny. the man gets his shoes resoled every year just so he can keep wearing them and wouldn't have to buy a new one. why does he do this? why is this never brought up? i don't know
#i figure it's something to do with the general idea of how he approaches money and material needs#he doesn't think he needs new clothes if the ones he has are still perfectly wearable#all the money he makes probably goes to food and whatever living accomodations he has currently#he used to live in a motel then he essentially moved to the attic in the cbi building#it's interesting tho#pine rambles#the mentalist
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you could make a new poll that says "i already voted for option 2 but now i want option 1 instead" kfjfjskjf please im gonna die if i dont see that result now
It IS an option, i also want to see how far i can go with some vote manipulation and electoral rigging,but for a good cause!!!.
I was so sure this one would go my way, but noooooo. I still want to draw a thing, it would make the entire comic one part longer and it means I would have to draw more, but I want to draw a thing.
We'll see what happens
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oh my fucking god i hateeeee being dissociated so bad. i haven’t been this heavily Not Present since i got sick and that was mostly blood loss. put me back in my body NOW
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- kinda#my body feels foreign and not my own and it makes me mad and i hate it#i’m not even feeling the anger strongly there’s this veil of ennui over Everything#and that just pisses me off more#i hate how buzzy i feel when i’ve been dissociated for too long#i feel detached from myself and it sucksssss#thinking is hard. i need to go to sleep but i’m not feeling tired despite Being Tired#gwuhh sorry i’ve been complaining so much tonite folks. it’s the mental illness#such a fucking bitch to deal with. can it leave me alone . i’d like to feel comfortable please#i think i introspected a little more than my brain could accompdate today#accomodate* whatever#and so now it’s responding to that by deciding i am no longer allowed to think deeply#which has the side effect of making me feel like i don’t exist. cool brain ! thanks !
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now that im talking guys. first day of college in a few days SHAKING IN MY BOOTS. TAQUICARDIA. so terrified is college scary gamers... so scared bye its so over for me (being overdramatic but i dont want this to be school 2.0 if it is IT IS SO OVER)
on the same note i'll probably post less frequently due to it soon. PROBABLY, because then again i was still posting like crazy a few months ago during school finals IN A SYSTEM WHERE I WAS DOING TWO SCHOOL YEARS AT ONCE WITH A LOT OF HOMEWORK so... it depends on the people ☺️🩷 (so, on luck!)... do wish me luck on having nice professors and nice fellow students 😭...
#not art#i talk!!!#(colapso)#i was fine with it for some months now that is a few days close i am going to have a stroke#dun want it to be school 2 i will cry#havent been to an educative stablishment for nearly more than a year and do not have good memories of it IM SCAREEEDDDD😭😭😭#im just really stressed that this factor i cannot name about me will cause me to have trouble#as ive grown older it seems something about my attitude is not socially common AND ITS BEEN GETTING AT ME IN RECENT YEARS IM SCARED#do my best to imitate others i still seem odd!!!!😭 what if it comes after me again!!! 😭😭😭#HAVENT HAD TO INTERACT WITH SO MANY PEOPLE REAL LIFE SINCE 15 GET ME OUTTA HEREEEE!!! SO SCARED!!!! 😭😭😭#is it the possibility of neurodivergence ive been getting yelled at by my friends i might have I DONT KNOW😭😭#whatever it is . i hope this year's good so very scared😞#will rip hair out if i need to be moved to online classes again to accomodate for mei just wanna make friends physically😞
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might work as a dishwasher if the position is still open in a couple days . which is funny because dishwashing is my least favourite chore by far and it makes me want to fucking Well i shant say . but its better than nothing at least i wouldnt be bored in my room alone. and id get free lunch. BUt i would have to email and say hi is this position suitable for someone whos like, near-comically short but not in a way protected by the ADA and such
#text#legally they would not habe to accomodate the fact that im 3 pixels tall and live in a cardboard box. which is pretty funny tbh#The thing im worried abt is like. putting dishes away bc if their storage is up high to save space i would be fucked LOL#i can barely do the dishes at my own fucking house bc the cabinets are too high its so embarassing#im 4'11 which REALLY ISNT THAT SHORT when u consider people with actual medical reasons to be short#its short enough to be super fucking inconvenient but not short enough to be like.. disabling or anything. just annoying#ANYWAY. i could probably listen to my Tunes andclean dishes#and it WOULD most likely make me want to Well i shant say. but itd be better bc its not my mother telling me to do it#and there probably would not be fruit flies and other such things to deal with. hopefully. so that would be nice#Man idek if im like eligible for work study or whatever -__-#need to get my fucking fafsa sorted
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practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable
#things im really grateful for: moved out and away! to the other side of the country! for a new job (first job!!!!!) which was terrifying but#it's been FIVE months and ive genuinely never felt prouder of myself for making it through!!!!!#and even though there HAS been some really really Bad Brain Days this job has allowed me to meet so many interesting people#and it also has allowed me to have a better view of my future; to understand what i really want to do; and given me the boost i needed to#work extra hard to get into my masters program (asylum and immigration law!!!)#ive also became less of a people pleaser and learned to stood up for myself more; get more accomodations and opportunities without stopping#myself to get them bc i didnt deserve them or whatever#i did SO many scary things that felt like pulling my own teeth out but 95% of these things worked out okay in the end#i even got a new job opportunity!!!! i was OFFERED a job????!?!?!?!???! can you believe it????!?!?#GOT MY AUTISM DIAGNOSIS#came out to my therapist! said a lot of scary things to scary people but i did it SCARED. AND IT WORKED OUT#ive accomplished so many things this year and grown up and healed a lot. sure there were bad days but - overall?#im so grateful im alive. im so grateful i got to meet so many wonderful & lovely people#(if youve read all of this please know that i love YOU and also i hope hope HOPE you had a wonderful year; or if you didnt then that the#upcoming year will be nothing but kind and supportive to you! 🌱🎀💫)
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man i am glad i didn't get the tumblr layout update
#not jojo related#i do not want tumblr to become like twitter... i was here instead for a reason tumblr#you know this reminds me of the whole coke vs. pepsi thing that happened a while ago in the 80s#pepsi did an experiment where they blindfolded people and gave them coke and pepsi to see which drink they preferred#and it turns out that people actually preferred pepsi by a large margin#so coke freaked out and decided that they would alter their recipe to taste more like pepsi#but it turned out that only resulted in a loss of sales#coke drinkers didn't like the recipe change and pepsi drinkers would just drink pepsi#that's what comes to mind every time these big social media websites further assimilate into one big sludge of the same thing#(personally i think coke and pepsi are both equally whatever-tasting but that's not the point)#like... the appeal of having more than 1 website is that they're different. there's a variety#yeah twitter is crashing and burning but that doesn't mean you should copy their layout...#the tumblr userbase chose tumblr because it was its own unique thing. trying to accomodate twitter users by making tumblr identical-#-to twitter is just going to alienate most of the userbase and probably won't do much for the twitter people either#and obviously every website adding a little shorts/tiktok copycat feature is just infuriating. nobody wants tumblr live#i have xkit though so if they do decide to make this layout permanent xkit will probably make a fix for it and i'll be fine lol#idk. just my thoughts
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im so exhausted and i barely even wrote anything on my gat
i love fucking up important exams lmao 0b
#/sarcasm or joking for last line#i dont rlly care that much abt messing it up#already knew it was going to happen since i couldnt get the accomodations/provisions i needed for it#but its still so exhausting :(#ive been half asleep all day#leaf's posts#also ok to interact/rb or whatever however you want#this is more just disclaimer for if i sound weird today#im half alseep#more than usual
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goin to registration to get myself out of this math class before i do something drastic
#id rather fuck up my graduation chances or whatever rather than stress myself over a course that's not fundamental to my program#i organized so many meetings with assistance coordinators and accomodations and said i cant handle the class#now i have done their suggestion of giving it a try and i feel like my heart is going to give out trying to keep up with this
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Wow...
#had a massive emotional drop and have been like this since i got to work#i think the gravity of my situation gss finally hit#i dont kniw what to do i need to be able to drive#but ypu know what else?#i wish my brother would fucking liaten to mw just ONCE#this would not be auch a fucking problem for me if wed move closer like i wanted to#but he didnt want to be jothered bc he felt like it was a downgrade#now were stuck and i have to figure out how to make a 30 min by car commute by bus bc i DO NOT want to srive the jeep#why am i always just ignored in these fucking situations?#why cant shit be made ro accomodate me for once?#like i know we had to make sacrifices bc i do not make a lot of money and he has to take the brunt of the bills but if we had moved to#someplace cheaper and CLOSER we wouldnt have so much of a burdern#we could have had a fucking trailer in GA but nooooo he didnt want that#we could have been stacking cash but hes so fucking concerned with appearances or whatever the fuxk it is that were stuxk in this situation#im so fuvking pissed off right now at so many things i feel sick#theres too many people im this fuvking store and it aggrivates me
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i think im going to keep doing languages and apply for counselling again and actually do it this time. >:( its too hard. but i think the thoguht of giving up french is making me sadder than the thought of continuing with it im in a toxic relationship with a language
#at leasttttt if im in counselling then there will be like official proof that i am socially stunted or whatever lol and i will be able to#get more accomodations from my department and maybe things will be less stressful :| or so i hope
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store manager somehow injured herself and is on crutches this week, so she took the week off. i do feel bad for her, i can imagine that sucks, but i will say it is so funny seeing my entire store hearing about it and being like "oh no! anyways" about it considering how hard she bullied one of the regular booksellers for needing to be on crutches just a few months back. nobody forgot about that.
#psy's no punctuation posts#work tag#if it was me i honestly would've quit#i felt so bad for my coworker bcs she's one of the ones my managers just decided she doesn't like for no reason#so the SM /really/ bullied her when she was injured#though she bullies anyone who needs medical accomodations rly it's obnoxious#her bullying in general has caused quite a few people to quit but whatever
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not even the meds can help with this one at this point it's becoming increasingly clear that the easiest path would be to just go ahead and ***♡
#j.txt#was just informed that I need to completely move out of current accomodations like by next week. I dont have housing secured lol👍#I had a feeling something like this was coming but the way it was dealt with I'm kind of actually furious lmao .whatever#i'll figure Something out im sure im just acutely disappointed and resentful over how it was handled#sick and fucking exhausted of living w ppl in relationships but ig at least that isnt going to last much longer
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maybe i'll make a long post abt my myoclonic epilepsy one day, i honestly do think its interesting! plus i REALLY need to rant abt it at some point- like PROPERLY rant abt it. to someone beyond my like 5 friends on my main discord server lmaooooo
#long story short my current accomodation has THIN FUCKIN WALLS#and nobody seems to give a shit! so yk other students just party all night while i suffer the consequences :|#i have had to sleep with earbuds in. for the past 2.5 months.#and have had at least 6 seizures during that time. 😁 im not mad! 🙂#RRARARAARRARARARRARAARAAARRRRAR#im so happy that im like. going home for the weekend. I AM GENUINELY SO EXCITED TO JUST. GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP.#anyway nevermind that#i rlly just need to move accomodation or do something like that#separate thought IM SO SICK OF NOT BEING ABLE TO USE COMMAS 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#whatever i'll continue at another time#otherthoughts💅#howdythoughts🌻
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