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#acceptance is the first step to recovery
leclercsbf · 1 year
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Oscar Piastri at the MotoGP via McLaren
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Admitting you're not normal about the CW's Supernatural is the first step
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fireheartwraith · 2 years
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It never ceases to amaze me how far people who ship adopted siblings together will go to justify their ship and not realize how crazy they sound. For exemple, I just read a pretty good batfam fic where Dick calls both Jason and Tim his younger brothers, and Jason and Tim both call Dick their brother and Bruce their dad, only to see that the next fic in the series is a Tim/Jason voyeur fic with Dick. Like. Are you for real.
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ashasdiary · 2 months
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Vitamins
Pairing: Nanami Kento x fem!reader
Synopsis: Husband!Nanami being super domestic, encouraging you to take vitamins, and taking care of you in all ways. 
CW: pet names, going to the doctors, established relationship, smut — dirty talking, cunnilingus, unprotected sex, creampie, brief edging, breeding kink if you squint, pregnancy (MDNI) WC: 4.6k A/N: I’m not religious but I need him biblically. 
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“You’re not anaemic, but your iron levels were shown to be at 4, where we would like to see them at 6, so they’re low,” the doctor informs you. 
You nod in acceptance and Nanami, sat beside you, leans in as he listens intently, elbows on his knees and hands joined together. He’d been the one who recommended you get your blood tested, so of course he was here to support. 
“I’ll be prescribing you some iron tablets for that and hopefully we can see some results after a couple of months. Further, it was found that you were deficient in vitamin A, B12, and D. Your vitamin K levels looked to be normal, however,” the doctor goes on and you nod again. 
“That’s good, honey. You were concerned about bruises and wound recovery but your vitamin K is fine. Right, doctor?” Nanami gazes at you before looking back to the doctor. You blush a little at the mention of bruises, a flashback of a couple nights ago popping up in your head. 
His big hands, roaming your body, coming to rest on your hips and squeezing them tightly as he pulled you onto his cock desperately. 
The doctor’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts immediately. 
“Correct, vitamin K deficiency does increase risk of bleeding and bruising but the levels were healthy so nothing of concern there. I would recommend taking supplements for the time being for your vitamin A, B12 and D as well as your prescribed iron tablets. Overall, everything else was at healthy levels.”
You nod once again, “Thank you, Doctor. I’ll be sure to stay on top of that.”
Nanami leans back and slides his arm around your shoulders before you both stand, taking the report and prescription note and leave the doctor’s office, bidding her goodbye. 
You slip your hand into your husband’s as you walk through the hallway towards the exit. “I have something else you can stay on top of,” he whispers and bumps his hips with yours. 
“Kento!” You whisper at him and lightly smack his firm bicep. 
He lets out a chuckle at your reaction, getting so flustered so easily, “On a serious note, I’m glad that we know now how everything’s going with your vitamin intake. It’s definitely peace of mind,” he says as he guides you outside and towards the pharmacy next door. 
“It is. I wouldn’t have really thought to pursue it myself but I’m grateful you suggested it,” you interlace your fingers through his as you feel gratitude for having him in your life. He’s so caring and also such an adult. Though you laugh about his seriousness sometimes, you’re also grateful that he’s so mindful of things like vitamin intake. 
He ushers you to step inside the pharmacy first — as he always does, ever the gentleman — and you lead the way to the vitamin aisle. Stopping at one section of the many shelves, you peruse the array of vitamins before you, and Nanami is quick to pick one of each that you needed, up. “These have the highest milligrams, so they’ll be the most effective.”
“You’re right,” you nod, and you spot a little pill box, segmented for each day of the week. “Would it make me a total grandma if I got one of these?” You ask your husband, looking to him attentively.  
“Not at all. They can certainly help with keeping a routine of…” a little smirk curls at the corner of his lips, lowering his voice to a hush, “staying on top of things.”
You try not to smile but you can’t help it so you pout instead to hide it, “You’re not going to let me live that down, are you?” You ask rhetorically and he laughs softly. You both grab the appropriate vitamin bottles and carry them to the counter where you also pick up your prescription iron tablets. 
When you get home, you both wash up and change into your comfy home clothes and get started on making lunch together. You sauté some onions as the base of the soup you were making while he chops up some fresh herbs for a tasty couscous salad. “Can you pass me the chilli flakes, my love?” 
He grabs the little spice container and steps over, holding it out for you. You try to take it but he holds onto it and dips his head to kiss your knuckles. It’s a small act but one that makes your heart flutter and your lips curl into a smile. 
Once lunch is had and you’re cleaning up together, he finishes washing up while you put away the leftovers, dancing to the soft music you had playing. 
“I could do with a nap right now,” you yawn, feeling full from lunch. 
He lets out a small laugh, “You definitely need to take those vitamins, darling.“
“I know, I know, doctor’s orders. I will. But I also want to have a little siesta,” you tell him while he dries off his hands, “come nap with me for like 20 minutes. You know how effective it is for our bodies to have a nap midday?”
“I’m well aware, yes,” he smiles and lets you drag him into the bedroom where you crawl into the bed and hold up the comforter. You climb in together and you burrow yourself against him, pushing your leg between his, eyes fluttering shut. 
He rubs your back gently as he settles down himself, fingers starting to trace lazy patterns across your back. “I love you so much, Ken,” you murmur, eyes still closed, “you’re so good to me. I’m so lucky to have you.”
“I love you more, honey. You deserve the world, so I’m going to do my best to give it to you,” his soft voice and kind words makes your bottom lip tremble a bit. 
“You do. I want to give you the world too,” you whisper. 
“You are my world,” he affirms. 
“Ugh, stop trying to out-romance me,” you whine quietly and you both laugh softly. 
Sleep overcomes you and you have what was probably one of the top 5 best naps of your life. You wake up to find the sun setting slowly, creating a beautiful orange hue through the room. You stretch like a cat and roll over, finding Nanami sat up and reading a book about Malaysia. 
“Hi, sleepyhead.”
“Hi, Mr. Redbull,” you quip and he chuckles. You tap the book, “You want to go back again?”
“Yes, at some point, I would love that,” he nods and smiles to himself as he reminisces about your honeymoon together there, from which you’d returned 6 months ago. It was incredible there, a truly dreamy place which couldn’t be described as you’d have to see it in person to grasp the beauty. 
“We’ll definitely visit again someday,” you promise and he hums in agreement. 
“Maybe next time, we’ll have children to take there. I bet they’d love the beach,” he says casually, setting the book aside. 
You’d talked about children plenty of times — the suggestion to get blood tests being a preparation for taking that step — but it was the softness of his suggestion, of taking your hypothetical children to one of his favourite places on the planet…it warmed your heart. 
“Definitely. When we have children, we will absolutely take them to Malaysia.”
Later that evening, you find Nanami stood at  the kitchen counter, carefully putting the vitamins into your new pill box. 
You walk over and lean your elbows onto the counter as you watch him. 
Once he’s satisfied that you have one of each vitamin in each segment, he closes it up. A thought clouds your mind and you bite your lip. “Baby, I think I need some more vitamin D,” you tell him with a serious face. 
His brows furrow a little as he looks to you, “I put one vitamin D in each day, honey, that should be more than enough.”
You shake your head. “No, I definitely need more vitamin D,” you sigh exasperatedly and he watches you carefully. 
“Sweetheart, you really don’t need more than one a day,” he explains gently. You almost break character to laugh but you manage to keep a straight face. 
“But what if I want it multiple times a day?” You ask him, eyes glinting with mischief. 
He catches on at this and his face relaxes, eyes becoming hooded, pulling you closer to him. “I see. You do know the risks of taking so much vitamin D, don’t you?” 
“Of course. I’ll turn into the sun,” you muse and he lets out a laugh, lips ghosting over yours. 
“You will certainly be glowing like the sun once I put a baby in you,” he murmurs and you feel a shiver go through your body, straight to your core. 
“Ken…” you sigh softly, hands trailing up his big arms and grasping his triceps as he closes the distance between you, pressing his lips to yours in a hungry kiss. You hum against him as he crowds you against the counter, one hand planted on it and the other coming up to cup your jaw while his lips are locked with yours. 
His thumb gently caresses your cheek, letting out a soft moan against you as you press your tongue against the seam of his lips and push your hips into his. “Hm…turn around, honey.”
Oh. 
You feel your clit throb at the lowness of his voice, his direct order, and how your wetness pools at your core. You break the kiss and he immediately grabs the hem of your shirt, pulling it up over your head, revealing your bare breasts. He connects your lips briefly again, not being able to help himself from cupping your breast in his hand and teasing your nipple. Reluctantly, he breaks away and guides your hips to turn you around. 
With you bent over the counter, he steps up behind you, his lips trailing over your cheek, down your jaw, and over your shoulder while his hands roam your body, thumbs hooking inside the waistband of your pants and underwear and slowly dragging them down, down, down.  
You feel the air hitting your bare ass and thighs as he pushes your clothing off, letting the bunched fabric fall down the rest of the way from your knees. 
He continues to kiss his way over your back, hands massaging your hips and up your sides to cup both your breasts. The feeling of his hot breath fanning over your skin, and his lips tenderly pressing kisses down your back makes your insides tingle with electricity. “My pretty wife,” he hums as he kisses your lower back and crouches down on the floor behind you, sliding his hands down your sides and hips, over your outer thighs and finally coming to rest on your ass.
He grasps the flesh with a grunt, the sound making you clench. You can’t help but let out soft mewls at the feeling of his large, strong hands groping your ass, his hot lips blazing a trail of fire all the way down. You push your hips back against his hands and he hums appreciatively, spreading your ass and groaning deeply at the sight of the wetness waiting for him. 
“S’this all for me, sweetheart?” He sighs, deciding not to waste another moment and plants his lips onto your lower ones. You let out a gasp at the suddenness of it, being thrown into the deep end, but this — his beautiful, skilled mouth on you — was absolutely not something you’d protest against. 
“O-Oh! Y…mmm…yes, all for you, Ken,” you mewl as you hold onto the counter, feeling his hot tongue lap at your puffy folds. He drags his tongue up and down, gathering your juices and teasing your clit with the tip of his tongue. 
He fucking loves this. Loves having his face buried against you, eating you out from behind. 
You find your hips rocking slowly on their own accord, back to meet his sinful tongue, when he sucks on your clit and pulls a lewd moan from you. “A-ah, mmh…” the sound of which makes his cock throb with need. 
The man is a multitasker, you know this. While he’s busy pushing his tongue into your entrance, making you grip the counter tighter, you hear him fumbling with opening his pants. You turn your head to look back and are met with the delicious sight of him fisting his thick cock. “Taste so fuckin’ sweet, honey,” he sighs before he’s pushing his tongue into you again. Your head falls forward as the pleasure takes over your body. He’s tongue fucking you like his life depends on it, groaning against you while he’s fucking his fist at the same time. 
He buries his face against you with a low groan, squeezing his dick, darting his tongue in and out of you before he drags it up over your clit and licks a thick stripe along the cut of you. 
Your legs quake a little at how he’s tending to your body so attentively, but you manage to keep yourself steady. He slides his free hand around you, his fingers locating your clit with expert precision within milliseconds. This action turns you on even more, the arousal rushing through your body and your pussy gushing with wetness because of how well he could map your body. 
He notes the extra wetness on his tongue and he lets out a low hum of approval, slowly circling your throbbing clit with the pads of his fingers. “Oh, you liked that, huh?” He croons against you, taking his fingers away to wrap his lips on your clit and suck attentively. Your gasp and your back arches, one hand automatically going back to thread into his hair. 
“Hhhh…mmph…” you keen, your ability to form proper sentences compromised from your husband’s ministrations on your body. 
“Use your words for me, honey,” he smirks against you as he continues to devour you, lapping, sucking, fucking, and enjoying the delicious taste of you, inching you closer to the edge. 
“Ken…” you whine, “I’m— I’m gonna cum...” You tug on his hair, mussing it up, pushing your hips against him desperately. He becomes sloppier then, and you pant, feeling the mess trickling down your inner thighs. 
He fucks his tongue into you a few more times, and then suddenly the waves of pleasure wash over your body, overwhelming your senses. Your inner walls clench, wetness leaking from you, as you let out dirty moans of Kento’s name. 
He jerks himself off at the sound of you, the feeling of you cumming, but he stops before he can reach his peak. His moans reverberate through you, the vibrations of them only adding to your pleasure; you lean over the counter, catching your breath as he laps your juices up eagerly, not sparing a drop. 
When he’s cleaned you up with his tongue, he kisses his way back up your body, hands roaming over your shorter frame, coming to rest on the softness of your breasts. It’s like he can’t touch you enough, like he wants to touch you everywhere, all at once. You stand back up and lean into him, head falling onto his shoulder so you can kiss him. The feeling of his lips and tongue on your neglected ones sparks the fire in you once again, the butterflies in your tummy stirring to life. 
He slowly turns you to face him while you share deep, long kisses. You grip the hem of his t-shirt and pull it up over his head, his arms lifting to accommodate the swift movement. Your arms slide around his waist and you cling to him as he holds you. “You’d better give me that vitamin D now,” you tell him with a warning tone. 
He releases a soft chuckle, breaking away from you to stretch over the counter and grab your pill box, “They’re right here, hon.”
You flick his nipple in response and he feigns being hurt before both of you laugh. Your joined laughter quietens down however when you wrap your hand around his thick, leaking cock, and pump him slowly while you gaze into his eyes. 
He’d been with you for years, married for half of one, but he knew that he’d never, ever, get tired of that salacious look that you gave him when you wanted him. 
He wets his lips as he returns your longing gaze, and he lets out a quiet, “Fuck, sweetheart…” while you thumb his slit and tease the sensitive underside of his tip. 
Your hand falls away when he crouches down a few inches and lifts you easily, placing you on the kitchen counter. You watch as his cock bobs up and down from this swift movement. Instantly, your legs fall open and you use the heels of your feet to pull him towards you; the need to have him inside you was becoming unbearable. 
You felt the emptiness within you, the deep, carnal desire to have him fill you and stretch you out. 
He crushes his lips against yours again, sighing, “You keep looking at me like that, baby, and I’ll cum too soon.”
You whimper against his lips, feeling him nudging the fat head of his cock along your folds, teasing your swollen bud before trailing down to your quivering entrance that was desperate to be filled. 
His tongue tangles with yours, your hands gripping onto his broad shoulders as he presses his tip into you and slowly pushes his hips forward. 
You bite on his lip, breath catching when he pushes past the ring of resistance. He doesn’t go far before he’s drawing his hips back and then thrusting into you again shallowly. A whine escapes you while he’s working you open on his delicious cock, taking his time to make sure you’re adjusted to his girth. 
He rolls his hips steadily, dipping his head and wrapping his lips around the taut peak of your nipple, sucking eagerly. At this, your cunt greedily sucks him in more and he moans to your skin, fucking into you more, and then he slides all the way home, bottoming out inside your snug walls. Your face twists in pleasure, eyes rolling back in your head. He stays there for a moment, his pubic bone flush against yours. 
“So damn perfect,” he murmurs, and your walls flutter around him in response. This earns a deep groan from him and he draws his hips back and starts to fuck into you harder.
You brows knit together and you inhale sharply as you feel the heavy drag of him inside you, how he pulls out so that only the fat head of him stays inside, and how he thrusts back into you completely, feeding you every inch of his delicious cock.
Your legs are locked around his hips but with each deep thrust from him, your mind becomes hazy and your legs loosen up a little. “Talk to me, sweetheart,” he noses your neck and keeps a steady pace, the wet thump, thump, thump of his hips hitting yours filling the kitchen. 
Your mouth falls open and your body becomes a little lax, your breaths coming out shakily as you focus on the pleasure coursing through your body while he impales you on his cock repeatedly. “Feels s-so…so good, baby…making me feel s-so good,” your voice comes out breathy and high pitched, to which his dick twitches while he’s fucking into you. 
He’s thorough in his approach while you hold onto his neck for balance, and he’s stimulating every part of your beautiful body: lips locked, tongues tangled, fingers rolling your hard nipple between them, his other fingers teasing circles on your throbbing clit, and his cock stretching you out so delightfully that you can only let out pornographic moans.
You’re both panting against each other’s lips as he picks up the pace and thrusts into you faster, with abandon. He rests his forehead against yours, cheeks flushed. “God— I fucking love you… n’ I love fucking you…” his low voice, his words, they go straight to your cunt. 
He takes his hands from your nipple and clit, sliding one arm under your waist as he bows over you more, the other hand gripping your hip in a bruising hold. “Ken…” you moan, “you’re gonna m…make me bruise…”
It’s not so much a protest but more a statement. “Damn right I am…you n’ I both know you love when I mark you up,” he husks, his lips connecting to your neck and sucking a dark mark onto your pulse point, bucking his hips into yours harder, eager to make you cum on his cock. 
Your tits bounce from the force of his thrusts, a sight which he goes crazy for. He’s getting closer to the edge, his mind hazy from how your pussy is greedily sucking him in, enveloping him in your tight warmth every time he slides home. 
You mewl, holding onto his shoulder as he ravages your cunt, letting out shaky breaths while you bring your gaze down to watch the  sensuous way his cock would sink into your wet cunt over and over again. You both love watching because it adds to the pleasure, and you can feel yourself teetering on the edge from it. 
“Ken…” you moan, bringing your gaze to his at the same time he looks up to meet yours. He almost cums from that so far gone, cockdrunk look in your eyes, but he manages to keep it at bay for a little longer. 
“Look so damn beautiful taking me like this, sweetheart,” he croons, “give it to me, baby. Cum for me.” A few more pounds of his hips and you’re pushed over the edge, like your body was waiting for his instruction. 
You cry out when your orgasm hits you, walls pulsing so tightly around him that he slows down to feel every clench properly. Your legs quake, and you lock them higher up his hips as your body convulses from the strength of your orgasm. 
Wetness coats his lower abdomen— he lives for getting messy with you like so— and he fucks you through your orgasm, chasing his own release while he guides you through yours. 
He grabs one of your legs and pushes it up, using it as leverage to fuck into your heat faster. “Cum in me, Ken…wanna make a baby with you,” you sigh, eyes hooded as he pounds into you. 
He felt like an animal in that moment but your breathy voice, your words, the tight grip of your cunt on him suddenly all overwhelms his senses and he falls into the throes of bliss with a loud groan, crashing his lips to yours as he releases his hot ropes inside you, painting your walls white. 
You cling to each other, sharing open mouthed, dirty kisses. Your plush walls milk him dry, and he stays inside you, your juices and his cum seeping out around him as you both catch your breaths. 
“Wanna make a baby, huh…” he pecks your lips a few more times before gazing down at you properly. 
“Mmhmm,” you hum and nod, kissing him again. 
“Hm…we better get more practice in, then.”
You squeal when he picks you up all of a sudden, still inside you, and carries you into your bathroom, quickly turning on the water in the shower and stepping inside with you.  
“Wh— Kent—oh!” You moan the second syllable of his name as he presses you up against the wall and starts to fuck into you again. 
There was something so dirty, so sinful about how he was fucking his cum into you, how insatiable he was from the mere mention of getting you pregnant. 
It’s like a switch had been flipped; you gasp when he takes your legs and pushes them up, pinning you by dangling your legs over the hinge of his arms and holding you in that bent position against the wall with his strong arms. 
The water runs over both of your sweaty bodies, the small enclosure of the shower only accentuating his low grunts and the loud smacks of your hips colliding. He is truly animalistic, rutting his hips into yours, pounding into your cunt desperately, because nothing made him harder, nothing made him more feral for you than the idea of making a family with you. 
You hadn’t had much time to come down from the high of your first orgasm — neither had he — so it’s not long again before another orgasm is creeping up on the both of you. 
“I’m close, Ken, mm…” you clutch onto his broad frame, bringing your lips to his in a needy kiss. 
“Me too, honey,” he pants against your lips, “cum with me.”
The base of his cock grazes your clit and his balls slap against your ass with each punishing thrust into you, and you let out a cry from the sudden intensity of the orgasm that overcomes you. 
“That’s it, baby, that’s it,” Kento’s voice is strained as he keeps fucking into you but his hips stutter because your pussy is gripping him so tightly he can’t even think straight. 
Tears sting at your eyes because you’ve cum so hard, and when he sees this, he feels himself start to cum again. This time, he slows down, a deep groan rumbling from his chest as he buries his face into your neck and releases his hot load into your waiting cunt. 
“Honey…” he breathes out, and you run your nails gently over his muscled back, kissing his temple. “I love you so much,” he mumbles tiredly, spent, but knowing he couldn’t put you down yet because you wouldn’t be able to stand. 
You cup his face in your hands as you sigh contently, and bring his face to yours to kiss him once again, “I love you more, you animal.”
He lets out a quiet laugh to your lips, “Can you blame me?”
*
It’s about 6 weeks later that you find yourself sat on the toilet, peeing on a couple of tests. There had been a noticeable change in your body, you felt with certainty that something was different. That and, of course, your period being late. 
You finish peeing and clean up after putting the tests on the counter. You dry your hands and inhale a deep breath while you wait, peeking but not expecting anything because the time hadn’t finished yet. 
But there it was. Two lines in BOLD, on the cheap one, and an affirmative ‘Pregnant’ on the other. You blink at the confirmation and let out a laugh; you’d heard about this before, how tests can show up quicker than expected if the pregnancy hormone is extremely high. He had knocked you up, alright. 
You’re elated. His dream, your dream, of having a family, it was becoming reality. You slip out of the bathroom and into the living room, where he was reading. 
 “I think I need to get some other vitamins, my love,” you tell him as you sit next to him and slide your arms around his neck, kissing his shoulder over his shirt. 
He brings his gaze to you. “But the doctor said that your levels for everything else were healthy, sweetheart…?”
He sees the way that your eyes sparkle and he relaxes a little. “Well…I think we need to revisit the doctor. I’m going to need some folic acid.”
He blinks at you; it clicks immediately. The joy that spreads across his expression is undeniable, “Honey…you’re…you’re pregnant?” 
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Do not copy or translate my work. © ashasdiary, all rights reserved.
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yuujispinkhair · 11 months
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Death's Bride
Death visits your village to reap the souls of the dying, and you end up making a deal with him. If he spares your sister's life, you will join him in his dark kingdom and become the woman by his side.
Halloween Masterlist 2023
Pairing: Sukuna x Reader (female) Genre: Dark Romance, fluff, smut Word Count: 14k Warnings: 18+, smut, dark content, mentions of death, gore + blood. Reader has to take her own life so she can join Sukuna in the afterlife. Sukuna is described as a fallen angel who became the God of Death. All characters are of age. This story is 18+. Minors don't interact.
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You know this is no mortal man who is walking towards you with his white cloak billowing behind him as he strides through your village, carrying himself like a king, while you lie on the threshold of your small house, breathing weakly, clutching the bag with herbs to your chest. You know this is no man. You know that this is Death coming to your village to collect what's rightfully his: The souls of the dying.
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It started two weeks ago. A strange sickness took root in your village and spread like wildfire. By now, almost everyone has been infected. For some, the sickness is easier to bear, and they are on the way to recovery by now. But others are at the end of their strength.
You are the only one out of your little family who is able to get up while your mother and younger sisters are still bedridden, trapped in fever dreams and violent shivers. You went out this morning to get more herbs, taking hours for the task because you were so shaky on your feet, weakened by almost two weeks of fever, your chest hurting from one coughing fit after the other. But you forced yourself to keep moving. You had to. Your family needed you. You had to prepare more tea to fight their fever.
You dragged yourself through the streets back to your small house, feeling dizzy and nauseous but driven by desperation. But you only came as far as the door before your legs finally gave out, and you broke down from exhaustion and ended up where you are now: Lying weakly on the threshold in the open doorway, staring in horror at the scene in front of you.
A tall, broad figure striding with large, strong steps through your village, dressed all in white with a long flowing cloak with a hood that covers the head of the man wearing it.
It sparks a memory inside you. Old tales whispered to you on long, cold winter nights when you huddled together with your little sisters to keep warm, and your grandmother, who was still alive then, told you those gruesome tales about him. The one who could walk freely between the realms of life and death. The Reaper of Souls. The Fallen. The merciless, cold-hearted God who ruled over the afterlife and held judgment over the souls of the dead.
Hysterical laughter bubbles out of your chest. You cannot look away as the huge man leans down over a crumbled body on the ground. The cobbler, who was always so nice as to accept homemade pie in exchange for a new pair of soles. He was one of the first who was infected. And now he broke down in front of his shop.
The white-cloaked figure extends a large hand and brushes over the head of the lifeless man on the ground. His touch has a frightening finality to it. As if you can see the life leaving the cobbler's body.
The figure in white straightens up again, and the wide hood of his cloak slips off and reveals reddish pink hair and a face more beautiful and otherwordly than anything you have ever seen.
You draw in a sharp breath as you stare at him. Now that you get a clear look, it is obvious that your mind wasn't playing tricks on you. This man really isn't human. You are looking at a creature beyond mortal limitations. You are looking at a God.
He turns his head at that moment, and a pair of glowing red eyes trap you in their intense gaze. Your eyes widen, and your breath comes out in short, panicky huffs. You know you wouldn't be able to move even if you tried as if his gaze alone holds enough power to shackle you to the ground.
He is here. The Fallen. The Grim Reaper. The God of Death.
And he starts walking in your direction with slow, sure steps. There is no hurry in his movements. He has all the time in the world because, after all, he is the end of all time for the ones he claims or a neverending cycle of the same suffering over and over again for the poor souls he decides to punish.
Behind him, bright red splotches appear, and you realize that those are flowers, blood-red spider lilies that grow out of the dirt, building a small path to mark where Death walked. It is a horrifyingly beautiful sight.
He carries himself like a King, walking through these dirty streets as if walking down a wide marble hallway in a castle. You suspect that even if you tried, you wouldn't be able to tear your gaze away from him.
His beautiful face is adorned with black lines. Intricate filigree patterns accentuate his angular features. The black symbols mark his otherwise flawless skin with a story of pain and sin. Your mind is suddenly flooded with the tales your grandmother told you on those winter nights long ago.
There once was a beautiful angel, the most powerful of them all. But he was too proud to abide by the rules, and so he was punished. His beautiful white wings got torn out of his flesh, and his skin was etched with the marks of the crimes he committed. He was cast out and cursed to become The Fallen. The one who claimed the throne of the afterlife, of the world beyond mortality. He took the reins, and from then on, his true name was forgotten, and everyone only called him by his new name, which was Death.
And now he is walking towards you. Strangely, you don't feel fear anymore, only fascination as you watch him approach.
He stops next to you, looking down at you with an unreadable expression. This close, you can see his face even more clearly, and your mouth opens in awe. He is devastatingly beautiful.
And so big. He is towering over you, tall and broad. From where you are lying on the floor, he looks like a mountain that is about to crush you.
"Are you here to collect souls?"
Your voice sounds weak and hoarse from coughing so much.
His glowing red eyes watch you intently for a long moment, and you think that he almost looks surprised for whatever reason. But then the moment is gone, and he nods. A slight smirk lifts one corner of his lips,
"Yes, but not yours, little one. It's not your time yet. Your body will heal again."
His voice is low and calm. He sounds soothing. Not at all how you imagined Death to sound. You were always scared of this mysterious figure you heard all those grim tales about. A terrifying, violent creature with blood-red eyes and monster-like fangs, a devil who brings pain and suffering.
But right now, you only feel calm. You feel strangely at peace with him here. His power emanates from him, so powerful that you can feel it on your skin and smell it in your nose. But it doesn't feel evil or threatening.
Instead, it feels comforting, like a warm bed with freshly washed sheets waiting for you to sink into and wrap yourself in its sweet comfort. Like the relief you feel after finally lying down after a hard day of physical labor, like the feeling of sinking into a hot bath that eases the tension in your limbs.
But that momentary feeling of peacefulness slips away again a second later when Death takes a large step past you. His feet stomp heavily on the wooden threshold next to your head, and with it, terror fills your senses.
"No!"
Your voice is a hoarse scream as you lunge forward despite your weakened state, your hand darting out to wrap around his ankle and cling desperately to it.
"Please don't go in there! Please don't!"
Your family is in there. Your younger sisters and your mother.
Your lips tremble, just like your hand, but you refuse to let go of the black leather boot that's slippery with mud. You cling to it, sobbing as you gaze up at Death through the hot tears clouding your vision.
He looks down at you, an elegant eyebrow lifted in a curious expression. He stares at your tiny hand wrapped around his ankle. You cannot tell if he is angry or amused about your pathetic attempt to stop him.
"Let go, little one. I told you, your time hasn't come yet. But I have to collect a soul from in there."
You are drowning in dread. And the words pour out of your lips, desperate and panicky,
"Please don't do it! Please take me instead! I am begging you, my Lord! Please spare them!"
Narrowed red eyes meet yours. He laughs softly and lifts his leg, effortlessly shaking your hand off. His low voice sounds amused as if you made a nice little joke.
"Look at you trying to negotiate with Death. You are a brave one. Foolish but brave."
Now you see how truly terrifying he is. Death knows no mercy. He doesn't just collect the souls of the old people who lived a long, fulfilled life. He claims anyone whose time has run out in the cruel hourglass that is life. He will go in there and take your mother or one of your sisters with him even though they still deserve so much more from life.
He looks at you with a cold, intimidating look in his red eyes. His mouth is set in a thin line, and his shoulders are pulled back, making him look even more massive. You cannot negotiate with Death. He is the God of the afterlife. There are forces at hand which every mortal is completely helpless against. Humans are all just little toy figures on the game board of the Gods. Or not even that. Just tiny, irrelevant grains of dust.
And yet, you cannot stop yourself from pleading with him.
"I don't care what you do to me! Take me with you! I am ready to die any death you see fit! Just please, please let my family live! My sisters are still so young. They deserve to see more of life! And they need my mother, she has to live too! But I am dispensable. Take me instead! Please! I will do anything you say!"
He watches you with amused eyes and a thoughtful expression.
"You're such an interesting one. You aren't dying, though. So I cannot take you to the other realm. But we could make a deal. I have to collect one soul from this house. I don't care whose it is. There is still time. I could still heal your sister. But only in exchange for another soul. You die, she lives. How does that sound to you? Are you still brave enough now?"
His red eyes watch you with an amused glint in them. Cruel excitement seems to fill him. You can't help but think that you are something like a strangely colored bug that he watches for his entertainment before he crushes it under the soles of his boots.
But you don't care. You refuse to avert your gaze, staring stubbornly into his otherwordly red eyes, your hands balled into fists as you nod.
"I agree. Please, my Lord. Please save her."
He chuckles softly, a low, amused sound, and his face lights up in a grin. He looks disgustingly delighted.
"I will, little one. But only if you seal a binding deal with me first. I spare your sister's life, and in exchange, you take your own life and let me take you with me. The moment you breathed your last breath, you belong to me, and I can decide what to do with your soul. I am in a good mood today, so I will be open about my plans for you. It would be a waste to send you back here as a curse that haunts your family. Instead, I want to keep you by my side. I could use someone who looks after my temple and warms my bed. I could use a bride. What do you say, little one?"
You can see that he is amused, that he expects you to decline after hearing his plan for you. But you don't. For a moment, you stare at him, horrified by what his words imply. But you shake yourself out of it, driven by a desperate conviction. You cannot let your little sister die today. You could never live with the guilt of knowing you had a chance to save her and let it pass. You will do what it takes. Even if it means following Death into his dark kingdom and giving your body to him. You swallow hard, lips trembling as you answer him,
"Alright. I will be your bride and look after your temple. I agree to your terms. Now, please hurry up and save her!"
More laughter falls from his lips. His red eyes glitter like two precious rubies. He sounds pleased when he says,
"You're a fearless one. I like that."
His red gaze never leaves yours as he reaches inside his cloak and pulls out a wicked-looking dagger.
"Here. Do it. End your life, and let me collect your soul. The moment your soul belongs to me, your sister will wake up from her fever dream and recover from the sickness that has befallen her."
You gulp hard, fear squeezing your heart tightly, as you stare at his large hand wrapped around the golden hilt of the dagger, his red eyes watching you challengingly, watching if you will really fulfill your part of the contract.
You are scared suddenly, your breath coming out in short huffs. You feel lightheaded, adrenaline pumping through your veins, making stars dance before your eyes.
Maybe this is how things are. No matter how prepared you are for Death, when he comes to really collect you, you feel fear after all. Fear of the finality of it all. There is no way back after you take this step.
But you don't hesitate. You press your lips together tightly and take the offered dagger out of Death's hand.
The moment you hold the heavy weapon in your grasp, Death's large hand wraps around your wrist, and he pulls you to your feet, making you stand before him.
He is so much taller than you, even now when you are standing. You have to tilt your head back to look into his eyes. He looks even more intimidating up close. Powerful, strong, unrelenting. A cunning business partner who is waiting for you to fulfill your side of the contract. A contract you pay for with your life.
You half expect him to taunt you, and it makes you clench your jaw and stare up at him defiantly. But to your surprise, there is no mockery in his low voice when he speaks up again.
"Have no fear. You won't feel any pain. I will make sure of that."
His words bring tears to your eyes, making them spill over with the hot salty liquid as your chest fills with comfort, finding solace in the fact that Death apparently knows mercy after all.
Your hand is trembling violently, but you bring the sharp blade of the dagger to your neck, gazing up at Death as you do so, looking deeply into his glowing red eyes as you slice your own throat.
The sharp metallic taste of blood fills your every sense. You taste it, you smell it, you feel it hot and wet running down your slit throat and your chest, you hear it gurgling in your mouth when you try to speak.
But Death leans down to take the bloodied dagger from your hand. His other hand cups your cheek. It's so large against your face. But his touch is gentle as if he is holding a thin, fragile porcelain cup,
"It's fine, little one. You did well. Brave until the end."
His voice is soothing. Low and calm, almost seductive. Like a lover luring you into his comforting embrace. You lean into his touch, smiling weakly when you feel his thumb caress your cheek soothingly.
Black spots dance before your eyes, and you feel so tired. You see his lips move, but you can't hear anymore. Your legs and hands feel numb. You fall forward, but strong arms catch you.
You feel yourself get swooped up into Death's strong arms and pressed safely against his broad chest. You feel him move as your head lols back weakly. The ghost of a smile tugs at your blood-stained lips. He carries you like a groom carrying his bride to the bedroom on their wedding night.
How fitting. After all, you are truly his bride now.
If you weren't so weak, you would laugh at the commentary your delirious mind provides.
By now, your vision has vanished completely. The only thing you are still aware of are his arms around you. It's peaceful and warm. As painless as he promised. You feel one last weak throb of your heart. And then it's only sweet, comforting darkness and the feeling of those strong arms carrying you safely across the border from mortal life into Death's dark kingdom.
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You wake up feeling rested and comfortable. Your eyes are still closed, and you sigh contentedly, snuggling deeper into the soft and warm sensation of a silky pillow and blanket.
In the back of your mind, some strange warning tugs, but you are too wrapped in the luxurious feeling of being well-rested after a good night's sleep to pay it much attention. You can't remember the last time you felt rested like this. It was hard since your father died. You are the oldest daughter and had to help your mother raise your younger sisters. You were the one who had to do most physical labor, working on one of the farms day in and day out. Your body constantly ached somewhere.
But not today.
You sigh happily, stretching your limbs and marveling at how soft the bedsheets and the blanket feel against your naked skin and how large the bed is.
That's when the little voice in your head becomes too loud to ignore. You blink in confusion and open your eyes.
You are in a large room with marble walls decorated opulently with red and gold murals. Red candles are flickering in large lanterns. A fire is crackling in a beautifully decorated hearth. The bed you are lying in is huge and definitely not made for only one person.
You gasp and sit up, looking around hastily.
There are two red pillows and two red blankets, and everything is made of the finest silk. As if you are in a King's bed chambers.
And, suddenly, you remember everything.
The sickness haunting your village. Your dying sister. Death walking towards you. The deal you made with him. The dagger in your hands. The blood. Strong arms carrying you. You remember him. Death himself. Your bridegroom.
Instinctively, you grab the blanket and wrap it tightly around your body, feeling exposed and vulnerable. Your heart is beating wildly, and it makes you feel nauseous. You still remember the feeling of your heartbeat becoming slower and slower before it finally faded away completely. You remember dying.
And yet you are here now, breathing, feeling the silk on your skin, feeling the thrumming of your heart. So very alive, even though you know you can't be.
And so very naked in a man's bed. Or not a man's bed. In a God's bed. In Death's bed.
At that moment, the large door opposite the bed opens, and you wince in fear. You clutch the blanket tightly against your body, staring at the door with wide eyes.
He stands in the doorway, his pink hair almost brushing against the doorframe. Tall and massive. He looks intimidating even without the white cloak he wore when reaping souls. Even the way he is dressed right now, as if he just woke up too, with only a pair of black pants on his muscular body. His feet and chest are bare.
There are more tattoos on his body, matching the ones on his face. Black lines decorate the defined muscles of his chest and stomach, as well as his strong arms.
He could almost be a human man. Almost. But those glowing red eyes tell you otherwise. Those are the eyes of a mythical creature. The eyes of a God.
And you feel like a small animal trapped in that gaze as you sit there on his large bed, naked except for the silk blanket wrapped protectively around yourself, unable to move as you watch him walk into the room.
He moves gracefully like a big cat, even though he is so tall and muscular. A slight smirk lifts his lips as he approaches the bed. His red eyes never leave your small figure huddled in his blanket.
"Ah, I see you are awake."
"What... what did you do to me?"
The words have left your mouth before you can stop yourself. Confusion and fear make you blurt out mindlessly. You are distraught by the memories of slitting your own throat, by the feeling of dying. And you are terrified by the knowledge that you are naked in Death's bed. Terrified by what he might have done to you in your sleep. On the other hand, maybe it would be better for you not to have been awake for what he did.
He falters for a moment, his beautiful face shadowed by a frown as his red gaze bores searchingly into yours.
"We made a deal. Can you not remember? Your life in exchange for your sisters? You agreed to follow me here."
You nod firmly,
"Yes, yes, of course I remember."
"When what..." he starts, but then comprehension seems to dawn on his features, and he laughs, sounding mocking, his eyes glittering amusedly when he continues,
"Don't worry. I didn't touch you while you were unconscious. Where would be the fun in that?"
Oh.
You feel some of the worst tension leave your body, a long breath you had been holding finally finding its way out of your lips.
"But why am I... naked?"
"You were dirty. Do you think I would let you sleep in my bed like that, full of dirt and blood? My servant undressed you and cleaned you and put you in my bed."
So you were right. This is his bed.
"Why am I in your bed?"
He huffs at your question as if you asked something utterly stupid.
"Because you are my bride. Of course, you sleep in my bed. We have a deal. So if I say you sleep in my bed, you will sleep here. Is that clear?"
You lick your lips nervously, feeling fear tingle under your skin at his imperious tone and the intense gaze out of those unnervingly red eyes.
You quickly avert your gaze, bowing your head obediently,
"Yes, my Lord."
"Sukuna."
You blink and lift your head again to look at him questioningly.
"What?"
"That was my name before I became Death. Sukuna. I want you to call me that from now on."
He sighs, and the stern expression on his face becomes softer when he adds,
"It would be uncalled for my bride to address me with my title. I am Sukuna for you. Your betrothed."
He says his own name with a slight tilt in his voice as if he isn't used to saying it. Maybe he isn't. It must have been a very long time since he told someone his name. Maybe eons.
You gulp hard.
How strange it is to be here with him. To talk to him as if he is a regular mortal when he is so much more than that. He has never even been human. He is a being so ancient and so powerful, so crucial to every mortal's existence, that your head spins just from trying to imagine it.
But you force yourself to be brave and look at him.
He is right. You agreed to his terms. And he did his part. He spared your sister. Now, it's your turn to fulfill the rest of your side of the contract.
You are still trembling and hugging the blanket tightly to your naked form, but you look bravely into his eyes and give him a polite nod,
"Of course, Sukuna. Thank you for saving my sister. I will be a good bride for you."
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A day ago, you were a mere mortal. One of millions who were caught in the hands of fate. Working day in and out to stay alive, always hoping, begging, praying to have more time and to see your loved ones live a long life too, while all of you were exposed to the threat of Death cutting your lifespan with his sword at any second.
Now, you are beyond that. You died, and you came back again. Brought back by Death himself, the Master over every soul who left the mortal world behind.
From this day on, you reside in the afterlife. From this day onwards, you will be Death's Bride and live your new life, or rather your afterlife, by Sukuna's side.
He tells you that you are free to move around in the temple. When you ask if you are also allowed to go outside, he lifts an elegant eyebrow and seems strangely amused, as if you asked something stupid.
"You can also go outside. But I don't think you will find anything interesting there, little one."
You don't know what he means, but accept it and take the fine clothes his loyal servant Uraume brings you. Everything is made out of the finest silk. A fabric so luxurious and soft that it feels like a caress when Uraume helps you get dressed. You gulp when the servant puts jewelry on your neck and wrists. Heavy gold and pretty jewels, red rubies that glitter in the same color as your groom's eyes.
Sukuna's temple is enormous and luxuriously furnished. Not at all like the tiny, shabby house you grew up in. But you cannot claim that this temple is better than your old home because, contrary to the vivacious atmosphere of your former home, Sukuna's house is eerily silent. A silence that feels haunting.
You don't dare walk too fast so as not to make any loud noise. You catch yourself whispering because your normal voice sounds too loud in these empty halls. It's a ghostly place. The silence feels too heavy, almost tangible. Something that can easily drive a person into madness.
You try to focus on the little noises that are there. The little signs of existence, like the sound of water flowing into the large bath. Or the sound of the doors sliding open and closed.
It takes a while to explore the whole place. To see all the large rooms with their rich tapestries and carpets. Gold and rubies shine and glitter everywhere. But a lot of the rooms look too clean, too perfect. There are no signs of someone actually living in them.
It is lonely here.
Maybe this is why Sukuna was willing to make a contract with you that would bind you to him and make you join him here. Maybe he was looking for a companion, or just a pet, to amuse him in this everlasting silence.
It is not like you are a servant here, as Sukuna made it sound at first. You assumed you would tend to him, clean his temple and clothes, wash and cook for him. But that isn't the case. His servant, Uraume, takes care of those tasks. They mostly remain invisible, like a ghost, taking care of everything for their Master, seemingly manifesting out of the shadows to bring you fresh clothes and oils and wine.
You ask them timidly what you are supposed to do, and they shake their head to inform you that you are just here for Master Sukuna's enjoyment.
A statement that makes a shudder run through you.
You have been here for three days, and so far, he hasn't laid a hand on you, maybe because he was away most of the time, apparently reaping souls on a battlefield.
But he demands your presence at dinner with him, where he sits across from you at a large table, and those gleaming red eyes never leave you. He is polite, asking questions about your day and how you like the jewelry.
And he joins you in the large bed every night, naked, with his tall and broad body full of solid muscles and black lines unashamedly on display for your terrified gaze.
You try to tell yourself it is the shock that makes you unable to look away from him when he undresses next to the bed and then slips in. But a little voice in the back of your mind whispers treacherously to you that maybe it is because Sukuna has an undeniably beautiful body.
"You're getting quite intimate with Death, my dear, aren't you?"
His amused low voice makes you hastily look away and hide your face in the silky pillow, heart racing nervously. His mocking laugh makes goosebumps creep over your skin. But he doesn't seem mad. He is just amused once again.
"Don't be shy, little one. Look all you want. You'll have all the time in the world to explore this body."
You bite your lip at his words, your body tensing up under the blanket when a large hand lands on the nape of your neck and slowly slides down your spine. Your heart is fluttering, and you don't dare breathe. But he pulls his hand away after a moment.
You slip to the edge of the bed, as far away from him as possible, your arms wrapped tightly around yourself, knees pulled up, curling into yourself, instinctively trying to protect yourself as if it would help anything against this God in your bed.
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The more time you spend in Sukuna's Kingdom, the more you realize that this is really death. It is the absence of life, the absence of sound, and plant- and animal life. You begin to understand that the once graceful angel Sukuna really got punished. This here is his suffering, his punishment. The loneliness, the absence of life that so suffocatingly surrounds him at all times.
But he was cunning enough to cheat and take his chance when you offered it so beautifully to him. Now, it is the two of you here in this dead place.
It's truly a lonely place. Maybe that's the definition of hell. To be trapped in a beautiful temple that holds all the riches the world could offer but lacks life, lacks the connection to other beings.
You try to befriend Uraume, but they seem to vanish when they aren't busy with some task. Your attempts at chatting with them get declined with a polite but stern bow and a "Please forgive me, my Lady, but I must ask you to refrain from distracting me from serving Master Sukuna."
You meet no other being aside from Uraume and Sukuna.
The worst thing is the eerie silence. It almost drives you crazy. It makes you stomp your feet loudly just so you can reassure yourself you are still able to hear. It makes you slowly push open the large gate that leads outside in a desperate attempt to find anything living.
The rich opulence inside Sukuna's home is a stark contrast to what greets you when you finally step outside the temple.
A seemingly endless wasteland stretches before your eyes. There is no sky above you. It feels like you are in an enormous cave with a ceiling so high your vision cannot reach it. Eternal darkness lives in this place. Cold with icy winds and a rotten stench of iron and decay.
It's gruesome. Hopeless.
You press a hand over your nose and mouth and stand there wide-eyed, staring at the endless darkness in the distance. But as frightening as it is, the complete darkness in the distance is a blessing compared to what you see in the strange, dim, reddish light surrounding Sukuna's temple.
A vast crimson-red sea surrounds the island upon which the temple is built. The color and the stench make you ask yourself a question to which you already know the answer. Yes, this sea must be a sea of blood.
You shudder as you take a tentative step closer to the crimson-red liquid at your feet. You gulp hard as you lift your head to look straight ahead. There is a narrow path leading through the sea of blood, a path that is made of stones and other shapes. Shapes that look too similar to bones to be a coincidence.
But at the end of that path is something even more horrible. A massive pile of bones. It is so high that it seems like a small hill. And on its top is a large throne made out of skulls.
This must be the place from the tales you heard whispered.
Death's throne.
This must be where Sukuna holds court and decides on the fate of the newly deceased. Some will move on to eternal peace. Some will suffer forever in the fires of the afterlife. Some will be forced to return to the mortal world. But not as humans but as empty shells. As curses that were laid upon them by others.
A heavy hand lands on your shoulder, and you scream.
You whirl around wide-eyed, only to stare into the smirking face of your soon-to-be husband.
Sukuna's red eyes wander slowly from your face to his throne in the midst of the sea of blood and back again to your face, looking deeply into your eyes as he says in his low, velvety voice,
"I see, you found my throne. You can sit next to me up there if you wish while I pass judgment on the newly reaped souls."
You shake your head frantically.
"No! No, there will be no need for that!"
He raises an elegant eyebrow and huffs softly.
"Such a pity."
But he leaves it at that. His white coak billows behind him majestically as he strides back into the temple, and his soft laugh carries over to your ears, amused, maybe a bit mocking.
You follow him hastily, not wanting to be out here any second longer.
You plan to never set foot outside again after that. It's easier to pretend when you are inside the temple. It's easier to pretend that you are not in the middle of literal hell.
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You aren't sure how many days or weeks have passed since you arrived in Sukuna's Kingdom. Time is nonexistent here. There are no seasons. There is no night and day. You have dinner at appointed times, and you go to bed where you still slide to the far end of the bed. But you have no idea if the days have the same hours as in the mortal world.
It might be a week, maybe since you were brought here when Uraume informs you while dressing you in the morning,
"Tonight, the wedding ceremony will be held. I will bathe you and dress you in your wedding dress later on."
And you feel like you are falling. Falling deeper and deeper into darkness so absolute it feels like velvet brushing over your skin as it swallows you wholly.
You knew this was coming. But it still shakes you to your deepest core. There is something so final about becoming Death's bride. You know you will be here forever. You will be Sukuna's forever. Bound to him by a promise, by a contract, by a union of bodies, maybe by blood too.
The wedding dress is the most beautiful dress you have ever seen. White silk, so delicate it looks like a mere spider's web. Your skin shimmers through it. The dress clings to your curves, showing your body almost as if you are naked. It looks like the dress of a Queen. Or a Goddess.
"Master Sukuna wanted the finest wedding dress ever made for his bride. You should be grateful and wear it with pride."
The disapproval in Uraume's voice is evident as they catch you crossing your arms timidly in front of your breasts, trying to hide your body.
When you walk towards your groom, you hold your head up high, clutching the wedding bouquet of spider lilies tightly in your hands, your gaze glued to Sukuna's glowing red eyes, trying your best to be brave.
You play along and do what Uraume instructed, extending a hand so Sukuna can take it and let him lead you to an altar. You are brave. You don't flinch when Sukuna takes the same dagger that you took your life with and touches it to your wrist, cutting your skin lightly.
No blood is welling up from the wound. Another mystery. What are you now? You feel a heart beating in your chest, but you don't bleed. Is anything you feel even real? Or is the beating of your heart just a phantom sensation you remember from being alive and refuse to let go of?
You feel lightheaded as you stare at the thin wound on your wrist, but only for a moment because then Uraume hands Sukuna a tray with a small pot with a black liquid in it.
You know what is to come. Your husband is marking you as his, filling your wound with the black liquid, giving you the same markings he bears.
He doesn't kiss you but stands in front of you, so close that you feel his warmth. One of his large hands cups your cheek, his thumb brushing slowly over your lower lip before it pushes into your mouth and feeds you some of the black liquid he marked you with.
"Take my sin into you and become mine for all eternity. Be my companion in this eternal darkness, like I will be yours."
There is something in his voice and about his choice of words that makes tears prick at your eyes, but you will them away and repeat his vow.
He takes you that night for the first time, consummating your marriage by pushing you onto the bed, one of his large hands pressing your face down into the silken pillow, as Sukuna settles over you.
You clutch the pillow tightly between your fingers when you feel his heavy weight pressing your body down. You tell yourself to be brave and obedient, but you cannot stop a muffled cry from falling from your lips when his huge cock splits you open and claims you for the first time.
He takes you with deep, thorough thrusts. The initial pain vanishes after the first few thrusts, and after that, your union isn't exactly painful anymore, but it feels frightening how full you feel, how stretched out. You have never lain with a man before, but even if you had, you know no mortal man would have been able to prepare you for your wedding night with a God like Sukuna.
He is so big, so strong, taking you unrelentingly while you tremble in his arms, knowing you could never run from him even if you chose to back out of your contract with him.
His large hands are placed on each side of your head, his lips trail over your neck, sharp teeth grazing over your skin, while he snaps his hips and makes you feel like you are getting crushed anytime his heavy weight presses you down onto the bed.
There is no love in this union of your bodies, but it's not like you were as naive as to ever imagine your wedding night to be filled with love or tenderness.
You always expected to marry out of convenience. A girl like you couldn't afford the luxury of love when picking a husband. You had a family to look after. Maybe it would have been one of the farmer's sons if you were lucky. You would have given birth to his children in exchange for a relatively comfortable life for yourself and your mother and sisters in one of the big farmhouses.
You never were so foolish as to believe you would have a loving marriage. So this wedding night with Sukuna isn't that much different from what you were expecting in your future anyway.
And so you grit your teeth and take his cock obediently, letting him use your body to satisfy his desire until you hear his low groans in your ear when he finds his release and fills you with his warm seed.
You are a good bride.
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You know you aren't expected to work, but you find your way into the large kitchen anyway, standing behind Uraume as they prepare a meal.
Sukuna has been gone the whole day, and there is only so much staring at the ceiling while lying in your bed that you can do before you inevitably go insane. So you went in search of the only other living being down here, hoping they wouldn't send you away.
"Do you need help with the cooking? Can I maybe chop some ingredients or something?"
Sukuna's servant sends you a cold gaze over their shoulder, looking at you as if you offended them by the suggestion alone.
"I have spent eons preparing Master Sukuna's meals, my Lady. I don't need any help. And you aren't a servant here. You should do other things."
"But... but that's not what I meant. I am sorry if I offended you. The food you cook is always perfect. I just...I am looking for something to do and for some company maybe. Can I please assist you? There is nothing else to do here."
Uraume sighs, but they nod slightly, and you feel relief wash over you. They wave you over, hand you a knife, and point to a cutting board where a small pile of vegetables is waiting to get sliced into little pieces. You smile at Uraume and murmur a soft thanks, going to work immediately.
"Uraume? Can I ask you something? Does Sukuna even need to eat?"
It's something you have been curious about since the first time you sat across from him at the large dining table. You don't feel any hunger since you woke up here in the afterlife. Why would someone who is already dead need food? But you eat because you feel like it is required of you in your role as Sukuna's bride. It made you wonder, though. Why would a powerful being like Sukuna need to eat? Or does he just do it because he likes the sensation of eating?
Uraume watches you warily for a long moment, probably contemplating whether they should chat with you about Sukuna. In the end, they sigh softly and answer you,
"Master Sukuna doesn't need any food. But he wants to eat."
Uraume hesitates for a moment, their hand with the knife hovering over the meat they are currently chopping, but then they add softly,
"In the heavenly realms, they have big feasts all the time with as much food and wine as one can imagine. Even after The Fall, Master Sukuna didn't want to give up on that. He was supposed to have a life void of all those joys, but he evades that form of punishment by consuming the food I prepare for him with ingredients I collect from the mortal world. Of course, it's not quite the same taste as the foods prepared in the celestial realm, but for the ingredients I can obtain, it is the best food he can get."
It makes sense.
You can't help but chuckle softly as you realize that eating a four-course meal every night is Sukuna's little ongoing rebellion against the ones who turned him into The Fallen.
It somehow makes you see your husband in a different light. It makes him seem a little more human. A little more relatable. You have been there, too, several times, feeling the desire to do something out of spite when someone tries to forbid you something.
That evening, you watch him closely while he eats the meal Uraume and you prepared for him. For the first time, you take in how much he seems to treasure the food served to him. He takes his time eating it, letting it melt slowly on his tongue, taking in all the different flavors, and his eyes close in pleasure when he savors the taste.
It almost makes you feel sorry for him and for what he lost when he got cast out of heaven.
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You never wanted to set foot outside the temple again after seeing the endless wasteland and the sea of blood. But your curiosity gets the better of you when Sukuna informs you he will be holding court today, and you watch him slip into his white cloak and walk through the huge doors of the temple towards the path that leads to his throne.
You follow him after a few minutes, unable to resist the lure his words have on you.
A horrifying sight greets you. The sea of blood is filled with a large crowd of shadowy figures. The bloody waters are shallow, only reaching up to the knees of those standing in it. But none of them look down. They all have their heads tilted back to look up at the imposing figure who thrones over them. Atop the gruesome pile of bones, sitting on his throne of skulls, is Death.
He looks bored. His long legs are crossed casually one over the other. His chin is resting on the back of one hand while his eyes trail slowly over the souls standing before him, awaiting his judgment.
Eyes that glow blood-red, vibrant like two lights in the dark, standing out frighteningly in the dim light of the afterlife.
He is beautiful and terrifying.
You can see the immeasurable extent of his power and can even feel it as if it is a physical thing that surrounds you, making the air thick and filling your senses with dread. A dread that comes with the absence of all hope.
Sukuna is the King of the Afterlife. The God of Death. There is no escape from him. Every living soul will one day end up here and stand before your husband.
A shiver runs down your spine at the thought. You instinctively hug yourself even as your gaze stays glued to the scene playing out in front of you.
As expected, Sukuna is unrelenting in his judgment. There is no mercy to be expected when he makes his decisions. He isn't swayed by the cruelty of the fates of the ones standing before him, no matter how tragic they are. His decisions are rational and brutal at times. And yet, after you stood there for several hours and watched him, you have to admit that his judgment is fair. Of course, he won't revive anyone. But he assigns an appropriate ending to their lives. He punishes the ones who did evil. He transforms the ones who got cursed. He leads the ones who are innocent to their eternal sleep.
When the last soul has vanished in a cloud of red smoke, Sukuna gets up from his throne and slowly walks back toward the temple. His movements are graceful, making you watch him with a feeling akin to admiration.
His red eyes land on you, and for a split second, a surprised expression crosses his beautiful features.
When he reaches you, he stops next to you with a content expression on his face and a small smirk lifting the corners of his lips,
"So my bride watched after all, hm? I am pleased."
You nod at him, and to your surprise, you see his smirk turn into a smile.
One of his large hands reaches out and lands on your head. Long fingers brush over your hair, petting you for a brief moment before he pulls away again and continues walking toward the temple.
You feel strangely light-hearted when you fall into step behind your husband.
When he takes you that night, he is gentler in the way he handles you. He doesn't press you face down into the pillow like he usually does, but instead rolls the two of you to the side, entering you from behind while you lay in his strong arms and his large hands trail down your body, cupping your breasts and rubbing circles over your belly.
His lips graze your earlobes while his low groans and murmurs fill the room,
"You're a good little bride."
You don't know whether it's his words or the way he snaps his hips that makes you clench around his thick cock and exhale a surprised moan, as for the first time, you feel thick syrupy pleasure explode inside you and spread through your whole body in warm crashing waves.
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Your husband is often away. In the mortal world, reaping souls. You know that anywhere he goes, he brings devastation and fear. But when he comes home to you, he brings a certain comfort with him, as strange as it sounds.
You are almost glad when Sukuna's tall, broad figure walks into the wide double doors. It is very lonely here and scary at times when you become too aware of where you are, and the silence becomes too suffocating. Sukuna's presence brings comfort. His low, calm voice helps you drift away from that brink of madness you sometimes feel yourself drifting towards when you are alone with your thoughts for too long.
Your husband is Death, but to you, he is the only sign of life you meet down here, and that is enough to make you drift towards him when he is at home.
He is terrifying because of his role in this cycle of life and death. He is terrifying because he symbolizes the end. His position is terrifying. But the man Sukuna doesn't seem so bad.
He treats you well. He is polite. And as long as he looks at you and talks to you, you feel real. You still exist. You aren't gone. You aren't a ghost or a curse. You are very real and corporal.
You catch yourself following Sukuna around, watching him while he polishes his sword and the various daggers he carries. Watching him when he sits comfortably on the bed with books spread around him, reading and making notes.
His red eyes find yours and narrow in a frown.
"You've been staring at me for half an hour. Do you have nothing to entertain yourself with? What are you usually doing while I am away?"
The question catches you off guard. Is he mad at you? Is he accusing you of being lazy?
You look nervously at him,
"There isn't a lot to do here... I mostly just... wait? I sleep a lot, I take baths, and I help Uraume in the kitchen. Is there anything you want me to do?"
He blinks at you and shrugs.
"Why don't you find a past time? I showed you my library. Why don't you spend your days there and read?"
You feel shame wash over you. You get treated like a noble woman here by the King's side. But you have always been just a poor peasant from a dirty little village where the only thing that mattered was physical labor.
"I never learned how to read."
Sukuna's red eyes widen, and he stares at you for a long moment before he finally says firmly,
"Follow me."
He gets up and walks toward the door without bothering to check if you follow him. A man who is used to everyone obeying his commands.
You quickly scramble to your feet, bunch up your dress, and do as he says. You have to walk fast to keep up with Sukuna's large steps, probably looking pathetic as you hurry after him. But he doesn't comment on it. There is an amused smirk on his beautiful face, though, when he waits for you at the door that leads to his personal library.
It's a vast room with large shelves filled with so many books that you suspect he must own every book that has ever been written.
"Sit."
Sukuna's low voice is demanding, but you can hear the tint of amusement in it as he points one long finger to one of the large armchairs.
You nod and sit down, watching Death stride through his collection of books and pull several books from the various shelves, which he then places on the small table next to your armchair.
"I will teach you how to read. These are all books that contain very little text. We will start with those."
Your head snaps up, and you stare at him, caught off guard and astonished by his offer. Why does he care whether you have something to do in your time here or not? Why does he take some of his precious time to teach his bride, who he claimed is only here to warm his bed, how to read?
At the same time, you feel a shudder run through your body, feeling flustered suddenly as you realize that this means you will spend a lot of time with him.
Holed up in Death's personal library, where he sits so close to you that his large hand brushes against yours anytime he turns a page. So close that his breath caresses the skin of your neck anytime he tells you something in his low, velvety voice. You find it hard to focus on his words, too distracted by the warmth emanating from his tall, muscular body.
He takes you almost every night, but somehow, those hours spent with him in the library where he teaches you how to read feel much more intimate than the nights spent under his heavy body.
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Sometimes, Sukuna returns home as immaculately looking as he left. His white cloak clean, his beautiful face flawless. But at other times, he comes home covered in dirt and blood from walking over a battlefield or through a slaughtered city.
On those days, you help him shrug out of his stained clothes and then lead him to the large bath, where you join him in the hot water to wash the blood and dirt off his muscles.
It is something he demanded from you.
"Why should I wash myself when I have a perfect little bride to do that. Isn't it your duty to serve me? Now take off your clothes and join me in the bath."
At first, it took all your bravery to slip out of your clothes in front of his wolfish gaze and smug grin. But now, it is no cause for shame or discomfort anymore. You are used to being naked in front of Sukuna. Used to getting claimed fully by him.
But it's not just that, you realize as you slip into the hot water and walk towards your husband.
By now, you feel a certain pride in this. Sukuna is Death. He is a God. A being that seems untouchable with all the power he holds. But you are allowed to touch him. You are allowed to invade his personal space.
There is something so intimate about straddling his lap here in the hot water, naked skin on skin, as you cup his beautiful face with one hand and use a washcloth to wipe the blood off his skin and wash his hair. A certain bond blossoms between the two of you when his muscular arms encircle you, and his red eyes watch you intently, glittering like two rubies in the flickering candlelight while he lets you take care of him. There is a certain softness in the way he thanks you for cleaning him despite his former claims that this was your duty to him.
It's during one of those shared baths when Sukuna kisses you for the first time.
He has claimed you almost every night, had you under him or in front of him, or made you be on top and sit on his large, heavy cock while he lifted you up and down and rolled his hips to thrust deeply into you. He made you bury your nose in his pink pubic hair while he used your mouth for his pleasure, made you choke on his copious amounts of seed, or sneered when he pulled out in time to shoot it all over your face and naked breasts.
He claimed you in every way a man can claim a woman. But he never kissed you.
In all the months you have been here by his side, Sukuna never kissed you until this afternoon here in the large bath where you sit on his lap and wash the blood off his face.
Your face is barely inches from his as you scrub at the dried blood on his right cheek when you feel one of his large hands trail up your back slowly. A caress that feels too gentle for a being like him. Your eyes flicker to his, and you see him watching you intently with an unreadable expression in those glowing red eyes.
Before you can go back to scrubbing at the blood on his cheeks, you feel his large hand cup the back of your head and pull you closer.
Your eyes widen when Sukuna's lips touch yours. They are surprisingly soft. His kiss is slow at first, lips barely moving against yours. But it grows more passionate quickly. His large hand tightens its hold on your hair, his mouth opens against yours, and his velvety tongue licks over your lips before pushing between them.
You shudder, not able to tell if it is from fear or pleasure. But your eyes fall shut, and your hand drops the washcloth. Your arms link behind Sukuna's broad neck. You open your mouth willingly for him, letting him in further, licking against his tongue experimentally, surprised at the heat that it makes throb in your core.
A soft growl is heard, and you can't tell if it's coming from you or Sukuna. But you know that his arms tighten around you and that you press your naked breasts against his muscular chest as you push your tongue eagerly against his, caressing it with a hunger that you didn't know you possessed.
You feel an all too familiar hardness growing beneath you, but instead of dreading it, you press against it eagerly, allowing yourself to fall into those hot, red feelings of desire and need. Allowing yourself to dive into those stormy waves of carnal pleasure, embracing the comfort and freedom it offers you.
This time you shudder in pleasure when Sukuna's thick cock pushes into you. This time, you gasp needily when his large hands knead your flesh, and his nails dig into your skin as he lifts you up and down on his throbbing hardness. This time, you meet the snaps of his hips eagerly, taking him deeper, making the act faster and more passionate as you ride him shamelessly until you are both grunting and gasping loudly, and the warm water splashes out of the large tub anytime your bodies connect in those passionate and frenzied moves. Both of you cry out loudly when your pleasure reaches its peak at the same time.
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When Sukuna is at home, you can almost believe you are living a normal life in the mortal world. Of course, a life very different from your former one. A life as a princess, maybe, or a queen, who is living in a castle, wrapped in luxuries, with nothing to do except improve your newly acquired reading skills and help your loyal servant prepare decadent meals that you eat with your husband before he leads you to your opulent bed chamber where you both read and share the occasional laugh about an amusing passage in a book until your low moans fill the room while your lips and bodies meet in a passionate union.
You almost succeed in pretending that you are still alive.
Almost.
But then Sukuna leaves the temple to fulfill his duty as Death, and you become too aware again that the windows are only enchanted to show day and night and a blurry landscape instead of the eternal night and the nothingness surrounding Sukuna's temple.
And that's when you feel the unsettling presence of the complete silence choking you again. That's when you feel the absolute absence of life closing in on you again as if the temple walls are moving closer and closer to you.
You can only escape for so long into the fantasy world of the books you are able to read now. And Uraume isn't very helpful with how they seem to avoid you except when dressing you or cooking with you.
You catch yourself humming under your breath to comfort yourself. The humming turns into soft singing. At first, you feel a bit weird about how loud your voice sounds, but soon, you become braver and sing at an average volume, unafraid of how your voice fills the marble rooms of the temple with its clear sound. You are surprised by how many songs you remember. Songs from your childhood, folk songs from your village, popular songs from the big cities you heard performed at the harvest festival every ear.
You get so comfortable with it that you don't think twice about singing, even when Sukuna is at home. You only realize what you are doing when you hear him chuckle softly behind you, and you gasp and stop singing and turn around to see him standing in the open doorway, leaning against the door frame with his muscular arms crossed in front of his broad chest, his white cloak painted with the scarlet pattern of a soul claimed.
He smirks at you,
"Don't let me interrupt you. I am just unfamiliar with such sounds here in my domain. But it sounds lovely. Keep singing for me, my little bird."
You feel intimidated all of a sudden now that his red eyes are watching you, but you swallow down the nervousness and continue singing the song you were in the middle of before Sukuna entered the room. A song as old as your village, kept alive from generation to generation, speaking of the human longing for company, a home, a fire to keep you warm, and a love to comfort you.
Sukuna's gaze is glued to you, a strange emotion flickering over his god-like features. Something akin to longing, you think. Something akin to sadness even. But before you can wonder too much about it, he turns away from you and leaves the room without any further word.
When you wake up the next morning, you can't move. Your eyes fly open in panic, only to realize you are lying draped over your husband's broad, muscular body, your naked skin pressing against his, one thigh thrown over his hip, your head resting on his buff chest. And what made you unable to move are his strong arms that are wrapped tightly around you, holding you in their firm embrace while he is still fast asleep.
Your breathing calms again, and a small smile lifts your lips as you relax against Sukuna's warm body, letting his strong embrace pull you back to sleep.
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"Sukuna, look!"
You are walking next to him on the path leading from his throne back to his temple when you spot it. A bright green patch of color in the otherwise dim and monotone landscape of greys and browns.
You hurriedly walk over to it, only to realize that, to your utter astonishment, it seems to be a cherry tree sprout growing bravely out of the seemingly dead ground of this Kingdom of Death.
You lift your head to look at Sukuna, only to find him staring at the tiny sprout bewilderedly.
Before you can ask him what's wrong, he stomps towards the small flower, yanks it out of the earth, and burns it with a swish of his hand, making you take a hurried step back and gasp,
"Why... why did you do this?"
His eyes glow viciously in the dim light when he turns to look at you.
"A flower like that doesn't belong here! This is the land of the dead!"
He stomps away, his white cloak billowing behind him as you can only stare after him with a confused frown.
Why does a little delicate flower bother him so much?
It is later during dinner when you dare ask him again. Sukuna's gaze is stern, his expression filled with a cold rage that makes you gulp fearfully.
"You don't know why I am upset? Then let me tell you, my little bride. Nothing grows here! No life exists here! That is how it always was! But now you are here with your singing and your liveliness, and suddenly, a symbol of renewal and hope grows in the middle of my kingdom! I disturbed the balance! By bringing you here, I disturbed it! You brought life into the realm of Death!"
"B... but that doesn't make sense. I died. I took my own life to follow you here!"
"And yet, you are still so ... so full of life. It's not right!"
You gulp hard, instinctively trying to hide the hurt you feel at his words. You bow to him, muttering,
"Forgive me, my Lord."
"I told you not to call me that."
You don't answer him but just get up from the table and hastily walk deeper inside the temple, fleeing from his words that cut deeper than the dagger that you used to slit your own throat with.
Tears are gathering in your eyes. You cannot bring yourself to care about whether you are allowed to leave the table before Sukuna or not. If he wants, he can punish you later, and you will endure whatever punishment he sees fit.
You wipe angrily at the tears that spill over as you stumble into the library and close the heavy door behind you. Why does it hurt so much? You came here because you agreed to his cruel conditions. You sacrificed yourself to save your sister. It was supposed to be a marriage of convenience. Come here, get wed to Death, and warm his bed. It was something you were supposed to hate. So why does it feel like you are being ripped apart upon feeling like your husband rejects your presence?
You huddle into one of the oversized armchairs, hiding your face behind a random book you grab from the table in a fruitless attempt to distract yourself.
That is where Sukuna finds you later that night.
You lift your head from the open book in your lap when you hear the door opening and see Sukuna's tall, broad figure looming in the open doorway. His red eyes glow devilishly in the dim light of the room.
"Don't run from me, brat."
A sad laugh escapes your lips, and you close the book you couldn't focus on anyway, lifting your head to glare at him.
"I thought you didn't want to have me around. So shouldn't you be glad if I run?"
"I never said that."
"But you think something is wrong with me and that it was a mistake to bring me here."
You hate the way your voice breaks at the end, turning into a teary sob as fresh tears spill over and slowly run down your cheeks. You don't understand yourself anymore. You don't understand why this bothers you so much, why you are so hurt by his words.
You should be glad if he doesn't want to spend time in your presence! You should be glad if he decides to let you go and fall into the nothingness of eternal sleep! You should even be glad if he decides to send you back to the mortal world as a curse that lives in your family's house!
Anything should be better than being forced to live here in his temple and be bound to him! But here you are with an aching heart and tears running down your cheeks because apparently, somehow, during the last months, you grew attached to Sukuna, and somehow, knowing he thinks you don't belong with him makes your heart break in ways you didn't know before.
Sukuna stares at you, a baffled expression on his beautiful face. The silence stretches on, deafening, suffocating, making you ball your hands helplessly into fists.
But then your husband moves. Sukuna marches towards you with large, sure steps, and before you know what is happening, he grabs you and pulls you up from your armchair and against his tall, broad body.
"That's not what I meant. I apologize for my careless words. There is nothing wrong with you. I am just... surprised by what you do to me."
His words make you lift your head to look up at him, blinking against the tears as his large hand cups your cheek.
"I don't understand, Sukuna. What do I do to you?"
His red eyes flicker with an array of emotions. Regret, pain, longing. He looks so strangely human right now. As if he isn't an almighty God who reigns over this Kingdom of Death and has the final say in the fate of every soul who comes here.
His voice is soft like a caress, low and velvety, but filled with a sadness that surprises you.
"Don't you see? You made a flower of life grow in the depths of the afterlife. When you sing and laugh and hug me with that warm, soft body, there is so much life everywhere around me. I am Death. I am used to being alone. I am used to numbness, to silence, to nothingness. It is part of my punishment. But now you are here, and you fill everything with colors and sounds and warmth. You are a source of light in this eternal darkness. And it... it unsettled me when I saw the extent of your power."
You blink at him in utter astonishment.
"But Sukuna... you are Death. How could you be unsettled by anything? What effect can someone like me even have on you? What power could I ever hold?"
He huffs softly, a sound that reverberates in his broad chest.
"I have existed as Death for eons. And it was always an existence in solitude. It's the irony of being me. Death belongs to life. It is inevitable. And yet, everyone who lives chooses to ignore it. They push it away, they demonize it, they make a taboo of it. I was always just a fearful whisper. I am something the mortals try to pretend doesn't exist until their last moments, when all hope is lost. Their delusion is so strong that I can walk through the middle of a crowded city filled with mortals, and no one will notice me. That's how much they banished me from their existence. I am invisible to them. They can see me only in the moments right before they die."
He stops momentarily as if to let his words sink in while his gleaming red eyes gaze deeply into yours. Something about what he said makes no sense. You frown.
"But... But I.."
"But you saw me. Yes, I know. You weren't supposed to be able to see me. But you did. Do you begin to see what I mean? You talked to me, and I was greatly amused by it but, at the same time, utterly fascinated. Do you think I go around randomly making deals with people? So many beg me in their last moments, but I always ignore their pleas. But you were different. You weren't standing on the threshold between life and death, but you still saw me. That's why I offered a deal to you. I was curious. But I wasn't prepared for what you would do to me. I wasn't prepared for what it would do with me when you talk to me and eat with me and bathe with me or when you kiss me and lay with me and find pleasure in it. I wasn't prepared for what it means to be seen by someone."
Sukuna's thumb brushes gently over your cheek, wiping your tears away while his red eyes gaze deeply into yours. He is a God, yet he is so human now. His words make your chest feel tight, and more tears well up in your eyes. But this time they aren't for you. Those tears are for him. 
You realize that you are pressing your body tightly against him, wrapping your arms around him, and holding him. Hugging Death and looking at him with a gaze full of compassion.
"And I will keep seeing you, Sukuna. You aren't just a shadow. You are very real, and you aren't unspeakable or evil."
This makes him raise an eyebrow, his red gaze burning into yours.
"You don't think Death is evil? If you could, wouldn't you bring an end to it? Isn't that the ultimate goal mortals want to achieve? To defeat Death?"
You gulp hard but shake your head, refusing to avert your gaze but instead looking deeply into Sukuna's gleaming red eyes.
"No. You have a right to exist. Death belongs to this world just like life does. Why would anyone value their life if they knew it was everlasting? Many things are so much more special because of their fleeting nature. Your position brings a certain beauty to the world, a certain urgency, that wouldn't be there otherwise. Death can be cruel and unfair. But it belongs to this world. There could be no real value of life without you."
Surprise flickers over his face before it gives way to a pleased expression.
"I knew from the start that you are brave. And maybe fate sent you here to conquer Death after all. You definitely have conquered me."
A smile lifts his lips, so beautiful and flawless that it's not hard to believe that he once was an angel. Red eyes as beautiful as jewels glitter in the soft glow of the candlelight, making your heart flutter.
You look up at Sukuna, reaching out to touch his cheek too. He is so much bigger than you. Tall and broad. Death is standing in front of you, powerful and merciless, and yet you feel no fear anymore. His red eyes are soft when they look at you. His large hand is gentle when it cups your cheek. His voice is full of tenderness when he asks,
"Will you sing for me again?"
You smile at him and nod gently.
He picks you up and carries you to the bedroom, his lips finding yours several times on the way while your small hands cup his beautiful face, and you kiss him back eagerly.
You sing for him again when you are in bed, and he lies beside you, his hand playing with your hair. You sing even while he undresses you, parting your robe and exposing your naked breasts to him. Your chest heaves, and your voice flutters, but you keep singing even while Sukuna cups one of your breasts with his large hand and squeezes it gently, his thumb brushing over your sensitive nipple.
You keep singing, only interrupted by short, breathy gasps when his hand travels down further and slips between your naked legs. He is so loving tonight. His touch is tender, his large hands surprisingly gentle. Long, strong fingers caress you in a way that makes your whole body fill with heat. He isn't taking from you tonight. He is giving to you.
And you fall apart under his tender touch, spreading your legs for him shamelessly, lifting your hips to press your naked cunt against his hand, letting him feel how wet you are for him and how much you long for his touch.
You only stop singing when you can't form coherent words anymore, and your song turns into needy sobs and loud moans. Your hips buck, and you whine when Sukuna's fingers spread your creamy wetness over your folds and over your pulsing nub that he caresses slowly.
He keeps touching you, keeps caressing that little bundle of nerves that sends shocks of desire through your body, almost overwhelming in its intensity. 
Loud gasps of Sukuna's name fall from your lips. The heat and pressure become so intense that you think you can't take it anymore. Your tiny hand's claw at his large one between your legs.
But Sukuna is unrelenting,
"No, let me. Let your husband take care of his beautiful bride."
A loud, raw scream falls from your lips as the pleasure crashes over you in hot, unrelenting waves, and your body arches up, thighs twitching as your swollen nub pulses hotly against Sukuna's large, firm fingers. He keeps rubbing it, slow but firm, and you feel hot wetness gush out of you and over his hand while you scream his name and twitch helplessly in his arms.
He is breathing heavily, his red eyes gleaming as he watches you intently. 
"So beautiful for me, my sweet bride."
He pulls his hand away, but only to push your thighs wide apart, exposing your naked, wet heat to his hungry gaze. And his face gets pressed against your soppy cunt, mouth licking up your wet mess. Your hands tangle in his pink hair, tugging on it, crying out as your head falls back on the pillow when your husband pushes his tongue into you and licks and kisses you.
You fall apart for Sukuna that night on his fingers and on his tongue. And when he finally takes you with his cock, it is slow and intense. He faces you this time, kneeling between your spread legs and capturing your lips in a kiss when he sinks down on you and claims you with his thick cock.
He is everything you see and feel, tall and big, a mountain of muscles, and a cock that fills you so completely. He takes you with slow, strong thrusts that make you clutch his muscular back and moan his name while you chase peak after peak of blinding pleasure until you are so exhausted that you fall asleep right there in Sukuna's strong arms while his low voice whispers to you,
"You sing the most beautiful songs for me, my little bird."
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"Mortals always say they will love each other until death do them part. What do you think that means for us?"
Sukuna's lips are lifted in an amused grin as he asks you the question.
He is lying next to you, his beautiful naked body laid out for your admiring gaze on top of the dark red silk sheets. His chin is probed up lazily on one large hand as he watches you, letting his gleaming red gaze trail slowly over your equally naked body.
You smile at him, reaching out to run a hand down his muscular arm, tracing his biceps and the black bands around them with your fingertips before they wander to his broad chest. You let your small hand rest there, fingers sprawling over his firm muscles, right where his heart would beat if he were a living being.
"I would say this means nothing and no one can do us part. It means our love will last until the end of time, just like Death will."
Sukuna's large hand lands on top of yours, covering your hand completely under his. He sounds pleased when he murmurs in his low voice,
"My bride is not only brave but also smart."
You laugh softly at his words before you lift your head to look deeply into his eyes.
"Sukuna?"
"Yes, my love?"
"You told me I could sit on a throne next to yours if I like."
His red eyes glitter in the firelight as he cocks his head curiously, a small smug grin lifting the corners of his mouth.
"Yes, I did."
"Is that what you want?"
"It is your choice, but yes, I would like it if you sat next to me."
"Then I will do so."
There is respect in Sukuna's gaze when he gives you a nod to signal that he will set things in motion.
You know this is where you belong. By Sukuna's side.
One day, you will see your mother and your sisters standing in front of your husband's throne of skulls, but you don't fear for their souls. You will sit next to Sukuna when it happens and guide them to eternal peace, where they can finally rest free of all pain and worries.
You are Death's Bride.
You kiss him gently farewell before he leaves for the mortal world to reap the souls of the dying. You greet him with a smile when he returns, hugging him tightly and helping him out of his coat. You wash the blood off him, you kiss him, you talk to him. You fill his dark kingdom with light, just like he said.
And he lets you.
He even laughs softly when another little green sprout fights its way through the rotten soil next to the sea of blood.
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THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING!!! I didn't think this story would get so long, but once I started working on it, I got dragged into Sukuna's world and didn't want to leave again. The power he has over me!!
I hope you enjoyed this story!! Please let me know what you think. Comments and reblogs would be very sweet!!
This is the last story for my Halloween Event 2023! I am so happy that I could write all the stories I wanted! Thank you so much to everyone who read a story (or maybe several) of this event!!
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fastandcarlos · 15 days
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Accept My Help, Love : ̗̀➛ Ollie Bearman
summary: the last thing your stubborn self needed was an injury, particularly when letting people in to help is a trickier job then it should've been
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Your soft eyes looked at Ollie, with your arm wrapped in cast the most mundane jobs were suddenly your biggest challenges. In the Haas hospitality you stood, your plate of food ready to be eaten, but your hands unable to carry. 
With Ollie talking to many of his future team members around him, you found yourself at a crossroads. The table you had wasn’t too far away, and with the strength in your arm getting better day after day, you were sure it was about time to challenge yourself a little more, placing your hands on the hot plate, making sure that your grip was nice and tight on it. 
Usually Ollie was there to help you with most things, but with his career skyrocketing you didn’t have the heart to disturb. As you lifted the plate up, you were feeling pretty confident, surprised by how easy the weight was to carry. However, as you took your first step, your confidence quickly plummeted. 
Before you knew it the plate slipped out of your hands and banged against the counter. The vibrations were loud across the hospitality lounge with several pairs of eyes darting in your direction. 
“Babe?” Ollie questioned, one of those to quickly spin around and see what was going on. 
You weakly smiled across at Ollie as his eyes looked around, piecing together what was going on. “Don’t say it,” you sighed, your shoulders dropping. 
Ollie was used to you pushing yourself, asking for help was a job that you found particularly difficult, especially now that you had your injury too. All Ollie wanted to do was help you with your recovery, and remind you of just how capable your body currently was. 
“Why didn’t you ask me to get it for you?” He asked, picking the plate up, leading you over to your table. 
You hung back behind him, your steps slow and lazy as people slowly started to look away from you too. With a huff you dropped down into your seat, allowing Ollie to place the food in front of you before sitting opposite you. 
“What were you thinking?” He questioned, keeping his eyes firmly on you. 
Your expression was blank, the frustration was clear. By now you had hoped that you would be back to your usual self, hating the fact that you had to constantly rely on other people to get you through day to day. 
“I just wanted to try,” you defended, “I should be able to carry my own plate by now, shouldn’t I? This is where you work, you shouldn’t be spending your day running around after me.” 
Ollie’s hand reached across the table, taking a hold of your own and squeezing it gently. If anyone knew how hard this was for you, it was him. Accepting help wasn’t easy at the best of times, but now it felt as if everyone offered their help out of pity rather than concern. 
“I’m fed-up Ollie, this is ridiculous.” 
Your eyes stared down at the cast around your left forearm, doodles up and down the plaster that some of your closest friends had added to it as reminders to cheer you up whenever you were feeling down. As always, they were particularly drawn to what Ollie had doodled, the biggest heart he could fit on it that he knew you’d adore. 
Your other hand brushed through your hair as you let go of a sigh, “I just want to be me again Ollie, I don’t recognise who I am right now.” 
Ollie nodded understandingly, brushing the pad of his thumb over the back of your hand. “I get it, I’ve had injuries too when I’ve had to count on other people to get me by. But people do genuinely want to help you love.” 
You slowly turned your head up, allowing yourself to see the concern in Ollie’s eyes. “I don’t like the fact that you’re constantly having to put yourself out for me, you can barely sit still because you’re looking around and worrying about me.” 
Ollie continued to hold tightly onto your hand reassuringly, “that’s because I choose to do that, because I care and want to be there for you, whether you’re injured or not.” 
You smiled weakly, feeling tears threaten to spill as a wave of emotion washed over you. “I just want this to end, to rip this stupid cast off now.” 
A faint chuckle came from Ollie, since the day of your incident he had seen firsthand how frustrated you were, particularly as your injury wasn’t your fault to begin with. His heart broke when the doctor told you how serious the fracture was, the recovery period longer than you could’ve ever imagined. 
It was never going to be easy but at the start, you were positive. However, the longer your arm took to fix, the less positive you were. Your negativity had taken Ollie by surprise, he’d never seen you so low, at times wondering if he was the right person to be able to pick you back up. 
He too wanted to rip your cast off, but only when your body was ready for it to be done. “You know, I’m worried about what you’re going to be like when your cast comes off, because you’re going to be so much stronger, and tougher, if people are scared of you now, they should see you with a freshly healed arm.” 
“Do you really not mind helping me out?” You asked Ollie. 
His head shook straight away, without even having to think. “I’m always going to be there for you, injured or not. There are people around you who really do care sweetheart, it’s not embarrassing to ask them for help.” 
“Thank you,” you smiled, watching as Ollie lifted your hand and pressed a kiss against the back of it. “I don’t know what I’d do without you sometimes.” 
“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Ollie smiled, “you forget how amazing you are sometimes.” 
“You think so?” 
“I know so.” 
˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗
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allev1ate · 5 months
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the first step to recovery is acceptance.
accepting that you are living with an illness, one that you did not ask for nor is it any fault of your own.
accepting that you are worthy of a healthy life fully of happiness, love and healing.
accepting that healing is NOT linear.
accepting that healing takes time, and to heal is to feel.
accepting that you can get better.
accepting yourself for who you are.
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bunny584 · 7 months
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OBSESSED: GETO (PT. II)
A/N: I…guys this one is…dirty. For so many reasons. I don’t. I can’t look myself in the eye. Suguru made me do it 😅
C/W: Voyeurism, Mature themes, 18+ (Part I here)
Music inspo: This is SO Chase Atlantic coded
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Acceptance.
They say the first step to recovery from addiction is acceptance.
Fine, then.
Suguru Geto’s addiction to you is absolute. And he has no interest in recovery.
He’s accepted it. You own him.
Granted, he didn’t realize just how tight your leash is. Not until last night.
Suguru is a logical, reasonable, creature of habit. He doesn’t need much. Really, he doesn’t.
But fucking you to sleep nightly is non-negotiable.
Or rather, fucking his hand. While watching you watch TV. And swirl a glass of Pinot noir in your gorgeous mouth. With your graceful fingers mindlessly swimming in a bowl of popcorn.
Extra butter. With tons and TONS of salt!
The first time you ordered your side snack at the movie theatre, Suguru almost keeled over.
But then he made the glorious mistake of flickering over to you, mid movie. Just as your index finger slid between those pillow soft lips. Pulling remnants of salt and butter away, leaving a trail of lip gloss behind.
He could’ve sucked it off your finger right there and then.
The way you pistoned in and out of your mouth. Doe-eyed and trained on the screen. Not a thought in your head. It was his gateway drug.
The butterfly effect.
A moment in time that rerouted fate.
His excruciatingly beautiful, platonic best friend, now a visceral need.
And just like any addiction. There were stages.
Denial: He doesn’t see you that way. No, of course not. His mind just got caught in a horny spiral. He’ll snap out of it. Things will go back to normal.
Anger: How could you do this to him? You know how disorienting you are. That smile. Always looking up at him with puppy eyes and parted lips. You’re a cocktease. Begging. Pleading. Needing him to debase you to nothing. Is that it? You want him to ruin you, don’t you? And he could. Fuck you into next week. Until you’re screaming and crying. He’d smear those tears all over his cock and fuck them back into your pouty mouth. It’s what you deserve.
Shame: It’s perverse. You call to vent about your day. He rubs himself raw while you talk. You kiss his cheek. His dick leaks. How could he do this to someone who trusts him like you do?
It was a vicious, muddled cycle. He could barely function around you.
Rushed greetings. Kurt words. Clipped responses. Avoidance.
He had to protect you from his depraved thoughts. Shield you from sordid actions taken in the dark — as if they would spontaneously materialize in the light to harm you.
And they did. But in the opposite way Suguru intended.
“Hey, HEY! Suguru, what the hell is up with you?”
You squeezed his wrist with all your might. It felt like nothing. But the weight in your tone hit him like a freight train.
“What are you talking about?”
“You’ve been distant."
“I’ve been right here.”
“You’ve been distant, Suguru.”
Quartz showers streamed down your beautiful face and his cock quivered. Drooling along his thigh. So. Fucking. Pretty when you cry.
Did you know?
How irresistible you looked?
Glassy eyes. Trembling lips. Vulnerable. Soft enough to hunt.
Did you know?
How he clawed his palm bloody to keep from gripping your neck. Shoving you to your knees. And giving you a reason to whine his name like that again.
“Why won’t you just talk to me?”
“I have to go—“
“I don’t care!”
“Wha—“
“I don’t care!! I don’t care what it is okay? I just…I miss..I miss my best friend.”
You elevated off your heels. No where near eye level, but enough to cradle his face in your dainty hands.
And God dammit. He might as well have been wearing a dog tag with your name on it.
If lost, return to Owner.
Between your misty eyes. Swollen lips. Face like a canvas to paint with his cum. He bit back a pathetic groan. And choked out an apology.
Most importantly, he made a promise to never hollow out your friendship like that again.
So, instead he fills it. With ropes of his arousal. And fuck, it’s rhapsody.
The stages. The anger, disbelief, shame…it was worth it. Because this ecstasy? It’s sublime.
Constant ascension. Never once reaching cruising altitude.
…which made the fall agonizing.
Last night, in a sick, twisted turn of fate - his camera feed cut off.
One minute Suguru is pumping into his abused rubber cocksleeve. Sliding his eyes up and down your hips until he was dizzy in the head. Pre cum squelching out of the little space between his cock and the ring of his 5th battered toy. Unintelligible praises leaking out of him, cementing his devotion. And just as the curtains began to fall on his vision. Balls heavy and hot with his seed—
Then he saw nothing.
Suguru couldn’t recognize the man in his room last night. Fingers aching. Mind racing. Dick red, angry, pulsating for its one and only vice.
Alarm bells rang between his ears. Crash landing into an abyss. Mayday.
Mayday.
In that moment. He knew he needed more. More skin. More angles. More you.
And so, he’s standing outside your Pilates studio @ 7:28 PM. Two minutes until you’re done.
A Dragonfruit smoothie rests in his hand.
And a new camera system rests in his back pocket.
———
“Ugh, I needed that.”
You sling a cold eucalyptus towel around your neck.
“And I need him.” The comment emanates from one of your girlfriends. Both of you rounding the corner out of the studio.
Suguru.
You don’t have to look out the glass windows to know exactly who she is referring to.
“I mean, seriously. How can you not climb him like a—“
“Stop it!!” Your protest made less believable because of your sheepish giggles.
“We’re just friends.” You mutter. Pulling your gym bag out of the front lockers.
Yeah, who are you trying to convince? Her? Or yourself?
Your eyes flicker to your platonic, gorgeous best friend. Raven mane in a glossy, high ponytail. Freely cascading down his back. Curly wisps framing his razor sharp angles.
He stands tall. So Muscular. Quietly masculine. Despite how dreamy his hair is.
“Omg! Your hair!! Whats your routine?” - every woman who meets him, ever.
“Genetics.”
Suguru responds the same way every time with a dimpled smile. The other party is always immediately caught in his web.
His eyes. They lure you in like quicksand. Onyx. Swarming with grey and violet specks. Stormy. Perpetually faraway.
He’s the perfect gentleman. But always a little bit above it all. Just out of reach.
It’s mesmerizing.
You can’t blame the women for trying any and everything for a tiny piece.
Suguru catches your gaze. Silky smile pulls across his lips. He beckons you with one swirl of the liquid gold in his hands.
“What are you doing here, pretty boy?”
“Happy to see you too.” He counters with a low chuckle.
You coax the sweet treat away from him. It’s precisely what you need.
Suguru always has his pulse on you. Somehow he knows where to be and when. Every time.
“Mmm” your eyes flutter shut. Savoring the sickly sweet, cold mush on your tongue.
“Exactly what you wanted?”
“Exactly. Have I told you I love you lately?”
“Not nearly enough.” His baritone hovers over you. Traveling down your spine at light speed.
Has he always sounded this sultry?
You lazily pull yourself out of the sugar-induced dopamine hit.
Suguru moves into you like a storm cloud. Accentuating the comical difference in stature. The world around you slowly dissipates.
Lost in the desert mirage of his gaze. Everything feels conscious.
Your shallow breathing. The thrum of blood surging through your vessels. Heart rattling against its bony cage.
Time stops.
Then it happens all at once.
Before you know what is happening, your best friend’s well built arm is around your waist. His large, veiny hand palming the nape of your neck.
His lips. His plump rosy lips are on yours. Sweet and warm. Pulling, pushing, melding with you into play dough.
He’s delicious.
More delectable than you knew possible.
“Mmmgh” You moan and Suguru takes the space to push his tongue into your mouth. He’s blinding. Expertly tickling the ridges and corners of your mouth. As if to show off just how skilled he is with his tongue.
“S-Suguru..”
He pulls away far before you’re ready. Shocking you out of your lusty daze. For a moment he just rests his moist lips on yours. Exchanging breaths between each other. As if only you two are the source of oxygen around you.
“Wha…what was..”
“There’s a guy burning a crater into your back.” He finally responds. Gruff. Strained. You’ve never seen him without a tight leash around his self-command.
“I didn’t want him thinking he has a chance.”
And just like that, the familiar tame control lines his velvet baritone.
Suguru places a chaste kiss on your cheek before starting to walk in the direction of your apartment. As if the world didn’t just tilt on its axis.
You’re able to maintain a fairly normal conversation with your best friend the entire walk back to your apartment. You both laugh and joke as if he didn’t just fuck your mouth with his tongue. And as if you didn’t feel drunk off of it.
You’re just friends.
…right?
You toss your keys somewhere to your left. In the periphery you see Suguru smile and shake his head. Well aware of your messy tendencies. He leans down to take your keys and place them on the door hook.
The devil on your shoulder is deafening.
Test it.
Test him.
Your hand moves before your mind.
Your fingers hook under your sports bra. Pulling it over your head in one smooth motion. Before your mounds bounce in full view, your arm cups them against your chest.
You turn to Suguru, now topless.
“Gonna hop in the shower for a little. Are you staying for dinner?” Willing your voice to be steady and light. A casual question amidst the mayhem in your mind.
And, as expected, Suguru is the perfect gentleman.
His olive tone is even. Hands slotting into his athletic pants. Faint smile tracing on his lips, dimple apparent in his left cheek.
His eyes don’t falter below your neckline. Not even for a moment.
“Not tonight, pretty. There’s a show I want to catch. Rain check?”
Of course, you’re just friends.
Best friends.
You flash him a genuine smile. Swallowing the nagging flecks of dissappointnent beginning to weave itself within you.
“Rain check!”
And maybe 10 or so minutes after soaking in your steamy shower. Trying to wash the remnants of his kiss out of your memory, you hear your door slamming shut.
You make a mental note to ask about what show he was referring to.
———
Whiskey glides hot and cold down Suguru’s throat.
Back flushed against his desk chair.
Patiently awaiting his 10:00 PM viewing.
His dick is a steel rod. Blushing and moist. Draped in a pair of your used panties. He swiped them on his way out of your apartment.
Suguru drags his palm lazily up and down his shaft. Soaking your lingerie in beads of pre cum. It’s like he’s feeling you rubbing your plush cunt up and down his rod.
Fog is settling opaque in his mind. While he pets the flame stirring between his legs.
You haven’t even come into frame yet. But Suguru admires the pristine view he has of your room. Porcelain duvet messily strewn about. Half open night stand. Magenta vibrator propped against the corner of your drawer.
How often do you touch yourself?
What do you think about?
How pretty do you sound? When you milk pleasure from your dewy core?
“Fuck,” Suguru hisses.
He brings the whiskey glass back to his parted lips. The thought of seeing you work yourself to a peak drove his hand up and down his cock too fast. If he’s not careful he’ll cum before he’s ready.
No.
Not tonight.
Tonight he wants to savor his relapse.
24 hours sober of you was unbearable. He deserves this indulgence.
Suguru tilts his chin up. Damp hair feathering his shoulders and back feels refreshingly cool against the lava circulating beneath his skin.
“You like teasing me don’t you?” He murmurs, slowly pumping his cock through his strained grip.
The way you pulled off your sports bra. Well before you reached your bathroom door. Pretty bedroom eyes raking his face. Testing him. You knew he would go home and feverishly fuck his fist for you. Didn’t you?
A siren’s melody pulls his hazy, dazed attention back to screen.
“There she is.”
Suguru leans closer to his screens. Giving himself kudos for choosing a camera system with audiovisual integration this time around.
You step in full view of his camera and his body stills. Completely statuesque. Mouth ajar. His cock drool dribbling down his stiff hand is the only source of movement in the room.
“Fuck…fucking hell.”
There you stood. Thong as richly colored as the wine in your glass. Accentuating the dramatic dip and swell of your pretty waist and hips. The wavy lines from your slender shoulders to your full tits are enough to make him seasick. Your nipples are so hard. Puffier than he imagined.
You are immaculate.
A divine being. Heaven’s incarnate.
And even if you weren’t. Even if you were the devil. He’d follow you to the depth of hell.
A thick surge of pre cum flicking back against his lower abs pulls him briefly out of his trance. Suguru didn’t realize how hard he was strangling his length. Which is violently jerking in haphazard directions.
Begging for its real owner.
Suguru drags in a deep breath. Reluctantly unraveling his needy hand away from his manhood. Another sip of icy brown liquor.
Savor this.
As if your souls are tied, you take a sip of red wine before settling in your bed. Back against your head board. Feet planted on your plush duvet. You let your knees fall to the side and Suguru nearly drools on himself.
A blooming rose.
Presenting your swollen, misty petals to him for worship. His eyes drop to your core. A thin line of fabric laid so perfectly between your folds.
Suguru has to remind himself that you aren’t in front of him.
And he can’t just dive into your dewy cunt. And nuzzle against your bud. And lap up the honey in between your folds.
You rest your head against the wall. Exposing the delicate lines of your neck. His left hand magnets back to his cock. His right hits the record function on the screen.
You are too special not to capture.
But, even if he couldn’t record you on this system, every moment right now is etched into his mind for an eternity.
Especially the way your dainty fingers travel down your chest, along your torso, beneath the hem of your panties and settle over your clit.
“That’s it, princess.” Suguru chants beneath his clipped breaths. Dragging your soaked underwear along his messy shaft.
He matches his pace to your tiny circles. Small, gorgeous pants tumble out of you.
Your other hand palms at your tits. Pinching and pulling at your pert nipples. Your hips buck at the sweet pleasure and pain.
“Good girl”
His arousal continues to collect at his base, trickling to his inner thighs. The sound of his hilt slamming into his hand fill the room.
“God. S..Suguru…”
His name thunders between his ears.
His name wrapped in that melodic, lusty falsetto of yours.
Suguru’s brain can barely register the way your tits bounce in rhythm with your hands. Pistoning your fingers in and out of your sweet cunt. Ascending to euphoria. He can barely register the way your lips are swollen and abused from your teeth. Or the light sheen of sweat along your collarbones.
“Fuck, Suguru please..” you moan. Both hands now working your flower.
Suguru is slack jawed. Completely short circuited. He cannot move.
Unblinking, he studies you. Hands at his side. Cock spearing high in the air, leaking.
His mind is flooded with the thin, featherlight moans and whines. Sticky arousal leaks from your needy opening around your fingers. Coating your inner thighs. How you twist and groan away from your own pleasure - so clearly overstimulated but not stopping your fingers, anyway.
“Say my name, pretty girl. Say my name.” Suguru rasps out. Sharp pain lightening through him from the dryness in his throat.
And you do. You moan his name when you reach nirvana. Heaving and whining and squirming in your mess. You called for him.
“God, I’m disgusting.”
You laugh through the remnants of your high and bury yourself under the duvet. Lazily tapping the bedside lamp. Bringing Suguru’s private viewing to an end.
And his smile is vulturous.
Suguru’s hand runs the length of his insatiable cock. Slow, lazy strokes. Haphazard twitches pushing out globs of cum. Begging for an encore.
You think you’re disgusting?
Ohhh, sweet girl.
You don’t know the half of it.
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agoddamnrayofsunshine · 4 months
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Hey just to ruin your day I want you guys to remember that before Drake in the second book Andrew had been making genuine steps towards recovery even if we didn’t get to see it very closely
Andrew being on his meds for the first and second book make it hard to see, especially since we didn’t meet him before he was on his meds but it can be inferred that he was making real progress on reclaiming his autonomy
He went to therapy regularly in which he actually talked to and got along with his therapist. He was able to have an ongoing relationship with Roland, and even though he insisted on using handcuffs that’s actually a healthy coping mechanism (he was able to recognise a problem which caused him distress aka people touching him without permission and applied a non-harmful solution which allowed him to continue without running away that’s the definition of learning to cope), he was not actively self-harming which we know by the fact that he has scars, not wounds, scratches or anything else, just healed scars. He was also able to accept and embrace his sexuality despite his history. He still has suicidal ideation but he is no longer practicing suicidal tendencies, which is genuinely huge progress
His biggest issues during the book are his meds (which seem to make it harder for him to regulate his emotions and his reactions and therefore causes him to the extreme measures which are familiar to him aka violence) and his relationship with Aaron/Kevin caused by an unhealthy desire to protect people. He was making an actual recovery, albeit a slow one, which just makes what happens to him all the more horrible
During the second book it had been seven years since he experienced that kind of abuse, seven years in which he clearly was slowly getting better only to be retraumatised again
Just
I think about this all the time I need to inflict this onto someone else
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hiitsm · 5 months
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Heartfelt Moments
Your girlfriend helps you completing a milestone in your heart operation recovery process
Pure Fluff
-
"Okay, mi vida, are you ready for this? It's totally fine if you're not; we can head back home," Alexia says, her brow furrowing with concern, which makes you chuckle softly.
You reach out, smoothing the worry lines on her forehead. "I am ready, amor, and I'm so glad to be doing this with you," you assure her, smiling softly. She responds by leaning in and gently pressing her lips to yours.
"Okay then, let's keep a slow pace. We'll start with a half-field run, okay?" Alexia suggests, her voice still tinged with a hint of worry.
"Yes, mi amor, that’s perfect," you agree. Although you received clearance to run a few weeks ago, you hadn't felt quite ready until today. Now, with Alexia by your side, you feel prepared to take this step.
Alexia had brought you to the FC Barcelona training grounds, not only because she knew the way there as the FC Barcelona Femení captain but also because she was aware of the abundance of sports physios available to assist you if needed.
Despite your assurance that you could manage a run in the park, your stubborn girlfriend wouldn't hear of it. And secretly, you loved her concern.
"Are you feeling okay, amor? Is your condition acting up? Do you need a break?" Alexia asks, her worry evident, as you reach the 100-meter mark.
You were born with dextrocardia, a condition where your heart is on the right side instead of the left. For years, it hadn't caused any complications beyond the unusual placement of your heart. Yes, maybe you are out of breath a little before other people would be, but you haven’t really had a negative experience with it. However, nearly a year ago, you began experiencing complications: cyanotic heart disease.
"Amor, please don’t worry too much. I'm feeling alright. This pace feels nice," you reassure her, offering a smile to ease her concerns. Alexia returns the smile softly, squeezing your hand lightly before resuming your usual running position.
"You know, running with you always brings back memories of the first time I saw you," Alexia says with a cheeky grin, causing you to playfully roll your eyes at her.
Alexia had been strolling around the park, a routine she followed most evenings, a ritual that helped her unwind before attempting to sleep—though sleep rarely came easily to her. Her mind buzzed with thoughts of upcoming football training sessions, matches, and how she could inspire young girls to pursue their dreams, regardless of their backgrounds.
As you round the corner into the park, your lungs tighten, and your breathing quickens—a familiar sensation that prompts you to slow down to a walking pace. Running has always been your escape, a way to quiet your mind, but your dextrocardia often leaves you breathless sooner than you'd like. Despite the warm Barcelona sun, you wear a running tank top and shorts, embracing the comfortable attire.
As you noticed a beautiful woman walking out of the park, you attempted to control your breathing. But before you could, she spoke up. "Are you alright? Do you need some water? The bottle is still unopened," Alexia offered kindly, her eyes flickering over your face and down your body, causing a blush to rise to your cheeks as you realized she was checking you out.
"That would be nice, thank you," you replied softly, accepting Alexia's bottle of water and taking a few sips.
"Do you come here often?" she asked curiously, her question more for her own benefit than anything else, as Alexia secretly hoped to see you again. But she kept that to herself, of course.
"Yes, this is my usual running route. Some days are better than others," you admitted, feeling your cheeks flush even redder as you noticed Alexia glancing at your sweaty shorts.
"That's fine, we all have those days," she replied with a cheeky grin, a stark contrast to her earlier shyness. Her playful response elicited a chuckle from you, and you found yourself drawn to her presence.
"You know, you were kind of stalking me a little," you teased Alexia as the two of you finished your first half-field run, now resting for a couple of minutes before tackling another round. Sitting on the grass, the warm embrace of the Barcelona sun kissed your skin, and Alexia rested her head on your shoulder.
"It wasn’t stalking, amor. I was just at the park when you happened to be there," she defended herself, determined to make her point. "Besides, I just liked seeing you," she quickly added, a hint of shyness in her voice that made you smile.
Tilting your head slightly to look at her, you echoed her words, "Do you still like seeing me?" You loved how Alexia wasn't the most eloquent with words, but her actions spoke volumes, and it was utterly adorable.
"Of course, mi vida. I always like seeing you... no, wait,.. love seeing you," she corrected herself with a soft kiss, her lips lingering against yours. Then, with a mischievous grin, she continued, "Especially when you’re beautifully lying on our bed, with your legs spread, while being naked." Her cheeky comment made your cheeks flush crimson, and you playfully swatted her hand away as she traced her finger across your shoulder, ending up over your right breast.
"That was awful," you laughed and Alexia joined in, her laughter infectious.
"Do you remember when I first saw you naked though?" Alexia raised her eyebrows teasingly.
"Of course, amor, how could I forget? I was in a rush," you replied with a chuckle, recalling the amusing yet memorable encounter.
"Bebita, I love what you're wearing, but maybe it's a bit too much?" your girlfriend sounded a little insecure as she voiced her concern. You sensed she was trying not to hurt your feelings, but her words only left you feeling confused.
"What, why? I'm meeting your mother and sister for the first time," you replied, gesturing for Alexia to enter your small apartment. It was compact, with the bed, kitchen, dining area, and living space all crammed into one room, along with a tiny bathroom. Alexia had been here before but still seemed bewildered by its size.
"It's just a home-cooked dinner at my mother's house, amor," Alexia said, pulling you close to her. "Even though I love this red cocktail dress you're wearing, you don't have to. It's just dinner. I bet Alba is even wearing her sweats, like usual, just like me," she added softly. "I'm sorry if it was my fault for this dress code you've got on."
"No, mi vida, it's all on me. I just want to make a good first impression," you sighed heavily.
"You'll make a great impression just by being you, amor," Alexia assured you, leaning in to kiss you, and soon the two of you were getting carried away. But reality quickly snapped back as you realized the time.
"Oh, we're going to be late," you exclaimed, feeling the stress mounting. "Amor, please pull the zipper down," you instructed, turning your back to Alexia. She did as you asked. Instead of heading to the bathroom to change, you surprised her by all but tearing your dress off, standing there fully naked. Alexia stood still, trying to process the sudden turn of events.
"I'm sorry, amor. I know this is chaotic, but this is as fast as I can go, and we'll do this properly another day," you half-yelled hinting to your nudeness, rifling through your closet for the right clothes for a simple home-cooked dinner. Comfy clothes were what you were after. Alexia chuckled, finding the situation so typical of you.
"Amor, you weren't wearing anything under your dress?" she asked, baffled yet smug, her eyes drinking in the sight of you completely nude for the first time. Your scar from a heart operation in your youth was visible on your right side, a few lines marking where your heart was misplaced, slightly blue due to the lack of oxygen. Alexia found it mesmerizing. You were so beautiful.
"Lines of bras and panties are ugly, Ale, you know that," you huffed, snapping her out of her trance, hastily putting on undergarments and slipping into pants and a sweater.
When you were finally ready and grabbed Alexia's hand to leave, she pulled you back, cupping your face gently in her hands and kissing you lovingly. "You are beautiful, amor," her gaze soft and full of love. You blushed, realizing her words weren't just about the clothes you wore now. "I'm sorry for the chaos," you apologized, a little embarrassed.
"I wouldn't have it any other way," she replied sofly, pulling you towards the door, ready to face the evening together. It made you smile brightly.
"Let's take it easier now, okay amor?" Alexia's voice was tinged with concern as she observed your labored breathing and slowing pace. She knew you well—knew that you were usually one to push your limits. But ever since your surgery for cyanotic heart disease six months ago, those limits had inevitably shifted. Since then, she'd taken it upon herself to care for you more attentively, watching over you as you both navigated this new chapter. She understood your eagerness to return to running, yet she also recognized the challenges it entailed.
You remembered how, when Alexia had torn her ACL during football training and underwent surgery, the road to recovery was arduous. Having you by her side had been her solace, her strength. She knew well that recovering from a heavy heart surgery wasn't comparable to an ACL repair, but the principle remained the same—a solid support system was invaluable, and that was what she intended to be for you.
"Let's sit down on the grass over there, under that shade?" you suggested, pointing towards a welcoming patch of coolness.
"Yes, amor, I'll be right there," Alexia replied, quickly sprinting towards the FC Barcelona facility to fetch a fresh, cold bottle of water for you. She returned in less than a minute, her efficiency bringing a smile to your face. "Here, please drink," she said, gently brushing a stray hair from your face and tucking it behind your ear. You took a sip, immediately tasting your favorite electrolyte flavor—a thoughtful touch that warmed your heart.
"Thank you, bebita," you murmured, taking her hand and pulling her down to lie beside you on the grass. "Thank you for being here," you added softly, your eyes closed in contentment as you spoke. Alexia squeezed your hand in response. "Of course, amor, I will always be by your side," she assured you, her words reinforcing the bond you shared and evoking a cherished memory, fresh yet profound.
You layed in the hospital bed, the sterile white of the room blurring into a haze of nerves as the time for your operation approached. This wasn't your first heart surgery; the last one had been years ago when you were still a teenager. Now, as an adult, the decision to undergo another procedure felt heavier, tinged with a fear you hadn't anticipated. Alexia had been your rock, discussing the pros and cons with you until you both agreed that the surgery was necessary for a better future together. Despite her own aversion to hospitals, a remnant of painful memories associated with her father, Alexia stood by your side, her presence a silent vow of unwavering support.
Noticing the nervous pacing beside your bed, you couldn’t help but feel moved by her loyalty. Your eyes welled up with tears, which Alexia caught instantly, rushing over. “Are you okay, bebita? Do you need anything?” she asked gently.
Shaking your head, you reached out and gently pulled her arm, a silent invitation. “Can you please lay your head on my shoulder, Ale?” you requested, your voice barely above a whisper.
“Of course, bebita,” Alexia responded without hesitation, knowing how much comfort her closeness brought you. She nestled beside you, her head resting on your shoulder, grounding you with the familiar warmth of her presence.
“Okay, I’m just going in the operation room, I will be put to sleep, I will wake up, and I will see you,” you whispered, repeating the mantra a few times to steel your nerves. Each repetition made you feel a tad more ready.
“I will be here, amor,” Alexia murmured back, her hand gripping yours, her thumb soothingly caressing the back of your hand. “Te amo mucho, mi vida” she whispered, sealing her words with a gentle kiss.
When the doctors arrived to take you to the operating room, a deep sense of gratitude towards Alexia filled you, easing the tendrils of fear as anesthesia drew you into darkness.
Hours later, you awakened to the sight of Alexia's concerned face. “Hola, mi vida. How are you feeling?” she asked, squeezing your hand with a loving gaze.
“Just a bit tired, but happy to see you,” you whispered back, relief flooding through you as she relayed the doctor's positive report on the surgery.
''I'm glad that you're here with me, my sweet bebita,'' your girlfriend said softly. Tears welled in her eyes, and you reached up to tenderly wipe them away. Waiting till you got back from your surgery must've taken a toll on your girlfriend.
“And I’m glad that you’re here with me, my sweet Ale,” you said, voice thick with emotion. Hearing your words, she smiled softly.
That smile reminded you of another, more mundane need.
“Ale, please, can you grab me my favorite food?” you asked with puppy dog eyes. Alexia’s laughter rang out warmly in the quiet room.
“Of course, bebita, but you can only eat after another three hours,” she said apologetically.
You grunted in mock frustration, your hangryness palpable, but the shared laughter was like another layer of medicine, healing in its own right.
As you walked through the door of your shared home, a surprising sight greeted you—fresh flowers beautifully arranged on the kitchen counter. Puzzlement crossed your mind. You and Alexia had left together this morning; when could she have...?
Before you could process any further, Alexia's voice chimed in, bubbling with excitement. "I brought you some flowers, bebita, because you just ran a full football field today, and that milestone should be celebrated!" Her words caught you off guard, turning you around to face her with a look of awe.
"I love you, Ale, so much," you managed, your voice thick with emotion. The words barely scratched the surface of your gratitude and affection. Over the past few months, Alexia's gestures of love had continuously touched your heart deeply.
Laughing softly, Alexia added, "I love you too. That’s why I've also ordered your favorite sushi. It’s on its way." Her grin was infectious, prompting a playful eye roll from you.
"It’s also your favorite sushi, Ale," you reminded her with a smile, feeling the shared joy of the moment.
"Your win is my win, bebita," Alexia teased, her eyes twinkling as she took your hand and led you toward the couch. With a gentle pull, she guided you to straddle her lap, enveloping you in the comfort of her embrace.
"Estic tan orgullós de tu," Alexia whispered in her mother tongue, her words sending a thrill through you. The intimacy of her voice and the warmth of her body drew a sigh of relief from you. In her arms, you felt an overwhelming sense of safety—a confirmation of all the reasons you loved her so deeply.
-
I hope you all liked this one.
I'm trying a few writing styles so this might not be perfect, but when will writing ever be perfect?
Have a nice evening x keep it kind :)
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lilacgaby · 10 days
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title: saved.
pairing: childhoodfriend!katsuki x reader
when all hope failed you two, a twist of fate saved your futures.
alt. ending to this imagine | standalone(?)
note: my sincerest apologies to everyone <3 please accept my heartfelt apology (if i @/ed you it's especially dedicated to you)
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katsuki held your hand taut in his, looking for a way, any way, to save you.
he couldn't find one, but he fought to. he was fighting the feeling of grotesque horror that came over him at the sight of your wound, your pain, the smell of your blood.
it was too much.
but he pushed through. he pushed through for you, he had to. he saw how your forced your eyes open, he felt the squeezing of your hand trying to keep yourself there with him.
upon inspection, the wound was piercing your lungs more towards the left-mid side of your body. his prayers now became answered, as a hero with a shattering quirk came running up to him.
they decided the best and quickest force of action would be to shatter the base of the beam, and fly you to urgent care where a team would be waiting.
he could do it, he had to. katsuki pondered, now moving over to address you, with slightly glazed over eyes. "babe, i- i have you. just hold on." you squeezed his hand in acknowledgment.
the plan was set into action, he tried to ignore the sounds of your guttural pain. the whimpers are sounds of choking are ones that'd haunt him for years, he was certain.
as he blasted over the city, little regard for his own injuries, he only had you on his mind.
he let out a sigh of relief as he saw the hospital come into view. the team waiting with a stretcher outside like he'd planned.
"we're here baby, you can rest now. i got you."
"you saved me." is all you said before finally letting your eyes shut. your body went limp with sleep and not death as he feared, the slightest rising of your chest comforting him as they got you on the table.
they immediately rushed you in and got to work, he wasn't able to see because a team was called out just for his wounds as well.
they treated him for a minor would on his arm, a pathetic excuse of an attack that only managed to land because you were on his mind. he laid in the bed, red eyes still alert and ready.
his exhaustion caught up to him, he fell asleep without knowing, only waking up to his mom shaking his shoulder. "hey kid, wife's asking for your dumbass. hurry it up." being the words that greeted him that day.
"whatever hag." he muttered under his breath as he jumped out of bed, directed to your room immediately.
you were still a bit out of it, drugged with pain relief medication. but still, with a dopey smile you greeted him. "kats' you're here."
he let out a smile for the first time in hours, he took your hand in his, his thumb over your heartbeat. "yeah, i am."
while your recovery wasn't fast, you were allowed home after three days. you'd likely never be the hero you once were, but the alternative was death so it's not what you were worried about.
the fight had left you with a hole in your body, your lungs now only at half capacity. katsuki was there every step of the way for you,
the entire ordeal even made him rise in the ranking, so his frequent absences were rewarding in multiple ways.
he'd take on most of the chores around your large home now, even hiring a maid for weekdays when he'd be gone. he was now clingier than ever, asking about you every hour, sending you texts and voicemails chatting about his day and asking of yours.
when you finally were well enough to make your redebut as a hero? he was ecstatic, though it was clear from the fact that he'd never let you patrol without him that he'd be stuck like glue to you for eternity.
he'd be proud of you for this, so eternally faithful to you that he asked to renew your vows for your anniversary this year, excited to gift you the new ring he had made for you.
everything you'd do in the day he'd find a way to be apart of. from laying his head in your lap as your watched shows, sitting by you as he paid for you nails, lugging behind you as you insisted on buying groceries even though the maids were on top of that, putting his arm around your neck whenever you stood by him.
but it's not like you minded,
after all, what's a princess without her knight in shining armor?
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(tags: @that-one-fangirl69 @boyfie-hater @miliswrld @pretty-sparkle-bomb @prettyinpikk @rengokuswife2 @unk0wn-us3rr @keylozinzazane @kanvis @rhas-writes @h3ll0-kitti @yuckiman @kovu-bunnbunn @teacakes06 )
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girlgenius1111 · 8 months
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shining just for you
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alexia + barça & putellas!reader
r only gets worse. alexia gets frustrated. a much needed conversation is attempted.
-----
Your meeting with the trainers at Barça the next day did not go at all how you hoped. They had squashed all of your attempts to suggest faster ways to move your recovery along. They kept saying that there was no way to heal broken bones faster, and when you asked if you had to wait until they were fully healed to get back on the pitch, they looked at you like you'd lost your mind. Maybe you had.
The part that really pissed you off was that they said you could absolutely not bear any weight on your ankle for at least the first month. That meant at least 1 month of crutches, and of staying at Alexia's because you couldn't climb the stairs to your apartment. It seemed ridiculous to you; you had the moon boot on, of course you could walk on it.
It was with this in mind that you exited the medical center, crutching back over to the main training building. You were supposed to go find your sister in the gym and update her on what the physios had said, but you found that you weren't really in the mood. You didn't need to hear her upbeat spin on this. You knew you would cry, and you didn't need to see the disappointed look on her face when she realized how truly weak you really were.
This was all so idiotic. Your ankle didn't even hurt that much. How bad could the break be, really? You'd seen the x-rays, sure, but it hadn't look that bad. It was a true testament to how little you cared for your body at this point, as you dropped your crutches inside the locker room, and began pacing the hallway just outside. No one was around to see, which you were glad for, because they'd stop you.
You had a point to prove, though. Even as each step was excruciating, you pushed on, pacing until you felt like you were going to throw up from the pain. It made you dizzy, and you leaned against the wall, sliding down it to sit. You were in the middle of the hall, your crutches 10 meters away. Your head spun, your ankle killed, and you felt a moment of clarity.
What were you doing? This, of all things, was not going to speed up the healing process. Were you really so unbelievably stupid to walk on a completely broken ankle, just because you weren't willing to accept 4 months off the pitch?
You felt completely worthless. You couldn't even be injured right. And now, you would have to wait here for your teammates to return from training, until they would find you, face pale and tearstained. You couldn't get up without help. You desperately tried to think of an excuse, some reason that you would be in the middle of the hall without your crutches.
Before one could come to you, though, you heard your name shouted from the direction of the gym. It was the last person you wanted to hear from, last person you wanted to see. At the same time, a part of you pleaded with yourself to allow you to fall into your sister's arms, let her hold you together when you couldn't do it yourself.
You'd done that last night. It hadn't made you feel better. So, instead, you looked up to meet the shocked face of your sister, a defiant look etching itself across your features. When in doubt, anger seemed to be the way you went.
"What the hell are you doing?" Alexia asked, crouching down in front of you. She reached a hand out, feeling your face, which you knew must be hot. Your whole body felt like it was on fire, your foot and ankle most of all.
"I was just walking." You said shortly.
Alexia's eyebrows raised. "Just walking? Without your crutches? Did the doctor tell you that was okay?"
You looked away from her, clenching your jaw tight.
"Hey! Did the doctor tell you that was okay?" Alexia repeated, forcing you to look back at her.
"No." You admitted, knowing Alexia would check either way.
Alexia' face grew very red, and she opened her mouth to start talking several times, before she shook her head, and stalked off to the locker room. She returned shortly after with your crutches, wordlessly handing them out to you.
"We're going home." She said. You allowed her to help you to your feet, waiting until you were standing to argue.
"No, Ale you have training, I can-"
"No. You can't just wait for me, clearly. You aren't responsible enough for me to leave you on your own while you have a broken ankle. I don't know what you're thinking, I don't know what is going on with you right now, but you need to cut it out and pull it together. This is not how I taught you to act. Acting like you know better than the doctors and the physios, doing whatever the hell you want."
Alexia was seething, clearly. Completely and totally furious with you. And even though you knew she was right, you couldn't help but feel a surge of anger inside of yourself. You were just trying to be what she asked of you, and now she was mad at you for it?
"Alexia, I don't need a fucking lecture from you right now. Just go back to training, I'll wait in the locker room."
"Do not walk away from me." Alexia scowled, grabbing your wrist to stop you. "Are you really so ungrateful of everything I've done for you, that you're willing to throw it all away by completely fucking your ankle? Because 4 months seems like a long time to be away from the pitch? It's time to grow up. An injury is not the end of the world, and you have to stop moping around and trying to find the easy way out of this."
"Oh right, because you didn't do any moping when you did your ACL. Yeah, Alexia, you were the picture of strength and stability then, weren't you?" You sneered, wrenching your hand out of her grip.
Alexia clenched her hands into fists, and released them, as if she was trying to calm herself down. "You are so immature," She started, taking a step closer to you.
"Hey!" Irene shouted from down the hall. The team was filtering in from training, and a bunch of the younger players had stopped dead in their tracks, watching the argument unfold. Irene and Marta pushed their way through, stepping in between the two of you.
"Alexia, walk away." Marta instructed.
"She was-"
"-Deal with it later. Walk away now, before you say something you regret." Marta interrupted, guiding Alexia back to the gym she'd come from.
It was too late. Both of you had already said things you now regretted. Alexia was angry, as she walked away. But you were devastated, beyond words. It was like Alexia had agreed with every awful thought you had about yourself. It wasn't intentional from her, she was just upset that you were so careless with yourself. She hadn't meant any of it, just like she knew you hadn't meant what you said to her.
Irene watched carefully as you leaned backwards against the wall, lip wobbling dangerously. "Come on, pequeña. Let's go somewhere else."
"I want to go home." You mumbled, shrugging out from under Irene's hand. You were practically shaking at the effort it was taking you not to fall apart completely.
"Your sister drove you?” Irene asked. You nodded, jaw tightening. "Okay, go wait in the car. Ale will come take you home when she's calmer."
You didn't have much choice, so you nodded, crutching down the hall, away from your onlooking teammates, past where Alexia stood, talking in hushed tones with Marta, out the door and into the car.
You didn't want to go home, not really. Not to your apartment, or to Alexia's. Not even to your mom's house. You didn't want to do anything, or be anywhere. You were so exhausted, so hurt. You just wanted it all to stop.
You were strong, you reminded yourself. You were strong enough not to break. You made it to the car, slumping into the passenger seat and allowing yourself to take a few ragged breaths. You were fine. Everything was fine. You just needed to get home, and into bed, where you could cry and no one would hear.
Alexia joined you in the car 10 minutes later, but the way she threw the car in reverse and backed out of the spot without so much as a glance towards you told you that she was still mad. Well, so were you.
-----
Alexia helped you in through the front door, holding tight to the back of your shirt as you crutched inside, like you were going to somehow run away from her.
"What happened?" Olga asked, taking in the stormy expressions on both you and your sister's faces.
"Pequeña thinks she knows better than the doctors, and decided to dump her crutches and walk without them." Alexia said shortly, all but shoving you down onto the couch. "Stay there." She directed, stomping off into the kitchen to get you some ice.
Olga watched her go, before slowly turning to you. She walked over to the couch, where you were sitting, glaring at the table in front of you. Inspecting you closely, Olga sighed deeply, before speaking.
"She said something, didn't she? Something she shouldn't have?" That was the only logical explanation Olga could reach; under Alexia's fury, her girlfriend knew she felt guilty. And the look on your face, one also of anger, was hiding how upset you really were.
You didn't answer her, but your arms crossed over your chest, and you blinked rapidly, clearly fighting off tears. Olga pulled out her phone, shooting off a text, before rising to intercept Alexia as she re entered the living room. Olga steered her into the chair opposite you, taking the ice pack and handing it to you.
"Your mom is going to call in a few minutes, alright? And whatever is going on here, you're going to figure it out."
"Alba's coming to get me. I'm going to stay with her." You said quietly, picking at your nails to avoid looking at your sister. She looked absolutely crestfallen. Then, her expression tightened, and her defensive exterior returned.
"You are not going anywhere. Tell Alba to turn around and go home."
"No. I can go where I want." You seethed, finally looking up at her. She was surprised by the fire in your eyes, the anger practically radiating off of you. Alexia opened her mouth, prepared to respond, but Olga stepped in between the two of you, once again cooling the incoming conflict.
"Alexia, go take a walk."
Alexia was really tired of people telling her to take a walk. She wanted to deal with this, now. She wanted to take you by the shoulders and shake you, beg you to tell her why you were so upset.
"No, I-"
"Go. While you're gone, your sister is going to talk to your mom, and then you two can sit down and have a conversation like adults. Nena, tell Alba not to come yet. If you still want to leave after dinner, fine, but don't make a rash decision when you're already upset."
You both respected Olga too much to really argue with her. Alexia marched out the door, barely stopping to get her keys, while you begrudgingly pulled your phone out, texting Alba. Once you'd done that, the phone rang in your hands, and you answered, the soothing, comforting voice of your mother filling your ears.
-----
When Alexia came back 20 minutes later, she was much calmer, and prepared to apologize to you, even if it felt like she was ripping one of her limbs off every time she had to tell you she was sorry about something.
You were calmer too, sitting on the couch and talking quietly with your mom. You didn't look at Alexia when she walked in, but you didn't tell her to go away, either, even when she came and sat on the couch next to you.
"Ale's here." You said, turning on speaker phone.
"Alexia Putellas Segura." Her mother's scolding made her flinch, even over the phone. "You be nice to your sister, and you stop pushing her so hard before she breaks."
The first part made sense to her. The second, not so much. She was TRYING to get you to slow down, and listen to the doctors. How was that pushing you? The way you flushed red, and looked away from her only confused Alexia more. She didn't quite feel like arguing with her mother, though, not after the day she'd had.
"Okay, mom." Alexia promised, looking pointedly at you.
"And y/n. You listen to your sister. And you start taking care of yourself. No one will love you any less if you heal in 4 months, or 6 months, or a year. Don't you make me fly back there."
The funny thing was, you hadn't even told your mom what was going on with you. She just knew, from only a few minutes talking to you, what was wrong, and exactly what you needed to hear. You didn't really need to hear it from her, though; you needed your sister to say it, more than anything. At the same time, you'd never admit that.
"Okay mom." You said, echoing your sister's previous words.
With that, she warned you both to behave, before hanging up.
Alexia poked you in the side, having grown very tired of fighting with you. "She's right. You should listen to me. You'll only need more than 4 months if I break your other ankle, though."
Her attempt at making a joke fell flat, and she watched you tense up next to her. Until that point, she thought that what her mother had said to you was common sense; of course they'd love you if you didn't heal fast. Why would you possibly think otherwise. Alexia was starting to notice, though, that whenever the time frame of your injury was brought up, you looked like you were going to be sick. She opened her mouth, prepared to call you on it, when Olga cleared her throat from the doorway.
"It's Alba, and it's for you." She said, holding the phone out towards Alexia. With one last look in your direction, the blonde rose, grabbing the phone out of her girlfriends hand, instructing her to keep an eye on you, and heading into the bedroom.
"Are you the biggest idiot in the world?" Alba chided, a rather unusual tone of voice for the normally very silly sister to be taking.
"Hi, Alba. I'm fine, thank you for asking."
"Cut the shit, Alexia, seriously. What were you thinking?"
"It would make this phone call so much more fun if you would explain what the hell you're talking about." Alexia threw back, flopping down onto her bed. Honestly, the pair of you. She wished her mother was in town so she didn't have to deal with you both every second of every day.
"Calling our sister irresponsible and ungrateful? Do you not see how much she's struggling?"
Alexia scowled, annoyed that you told on her. "She was being an idiot. And I am not blind, I know she's having a hard time. I'm trying to help, but she won't let me."
"How are you trying to help?" Alba asked, softening just slightly at the frustration in her older sister's tone.
"I keep telling her she'll be back in no time, that 4 months is not a concrete timeframe, and that she's strong. I know she can do it, and she knows too. I don't understand what's wrong with her."
"Alexia." Alba sighed. "Everything you just said is horrible. Not at all what she needs to hear from you right now."
"How?! I'm being encouraging."
"No, you're putting even more pressure on her."
"Why does everyone keep saying that? I don't put pressure on her, definitely not more than she can take."
"Ale, she's not taking it. She's falling apart."
"Oh, and that's my fault? If she has a problem, she should communicate it to me like an adult. I'm tired of her acting like a child." Alexia wasn't mad at you, not really. She was angry with herself, for not seeing whatever was going on sooner. For making you so upset with her. She used to fight the other kids when they made you cry, and now she was the reason you were valiantly fighting back tears, and she didn't even know why.
Alba spoke up then, after a moment of silence. "You need to talk to her. You're not going to listen to me. I hope you listen to her. And, Ale? She's only 20. She's doing her best, cut her some slack."
Alba hung up before Alexia could respond. She groaned, tossing her phone off the bed, before walking back out towards the living room. She froze, hearing you talking to her girlfriend through tears.
"I can't Olga, she'd be so disappointed in me."
"No, pequeña, she won't. I know you feel like she cares more about your football than you, but I promise, cariño, that is not true. She doesn't know you feel this way, and she needs to. So she can prove to you that you're wrong."
"What if I'm not wrong? What if she hates me?" You cried.
Alexia couldn't hold herself back any longer, practically falling into the room with how fast she moved to get to you. She didn't try to pretend she hadn't been eavesdropping. She simply took the seat Olga stood from, sitting down carefully next to you.
You looked up at her, a horrified look on your face at the realization that she'd heard everything you'd just said.
"Talk to me, nena. Please." Alexia was practically begging you.
The conflict was clear on your face; Alexia watched as you debated whether to shake her off and leave the room, or to finally tell her what was going on. It was breaking her heart, that you didn't immediately trust her. She knew she'd messed up today, but whatever was going on clearly ran so much deeper; she must have messed up a long, long time ago.
When you opened your mouth to answer her, Alexia wasn't sure if your words would fracture the relationship further, a relationship that was already sitting precariously, even if she hadn't noticed it, or if you were going to let her in. You weren't quite sure either.
-----
feeling CRUEL today. it is Friday though, so if everyone is extra nice to me, MAYBE you'll get part 3 later tonight. Maybe.
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spngi · 2 months
Text
My tears ricochet | mafia!carlos sainz jr x reader
Prologue | part 1
Part 2
summary: Mr. and Mrs. Sainz lived in a dream for many years, now everything is falling apart and they need to deal with their feelings
warnings: Grammar mistakes, mentions of violence, Carlos is an idiot, mentions of cheating
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My blood boils; Carlos’s words repeat in an infinite loop in my head. My hands tremble with rage, and I press them on the table to try to contain the impulse to simply rip that smile off Carlos’s face.
“You wouldn’t do that “ my words come out slowly, trying to maintain the little patience I have left. “You can’t do this.”
“Or what? Are you going to threaten me now too, dear?” Carlos asks, his relaxed figure at the table and his tone full of irony.
I stand up from the table, and the chair scrapes loudly as it moves away. I look through the glass door at the inevitable: that woman in my house, lying on one of the loungers, wearing a bikini, as if she already belonged to this house.
I feel even more irritated, or perhaps sad. I feel invaded by all of this. I turn back to Carlos; I have the urge to throw all the objects in that room at him, to hurt him the same way he’s hurting me.
“She must be low enough to accept the role of mistress” I insult her in the end.
“She knows it won’t be for long” he replies.
“Well, I can agree with you… she won’t stay for long” I approach Carlos and lean in until I’m at eye level with him. “Pay attention to what I’m going to say, Carlos. I will always be your wife, I will be by your side whether you want it or not… this girl might be getting a bit of your attention now, but she will never be anything more than a fling because, at the end of the day, the only one who has the privilege of wearing this ring is still me.”
Carlos’s brown eyes watch me as I speak. He doesn’t bother to respond but seems irritated nonetheless.
“She will never be welcome in this house, Carlos… so spare her the humiliation and get her out of here as soon as possible!” I add, and before stepping away, I kiss the corner of his lips.
I don’t wait to see his reaction to the gesture; I quickly leave to distance myself from that situation before I lose control and throw that cheap model out of our house. I lock myself in one of the farthest rooms of the house and fight the strong urge to go back and throw the crystal candelabrum at Carlos’s head.
I sit on the floor at the foot of the guest bed, a pillow in hand to muffle my screams and the occasional sobs of crying. I couldn’t take it anymore; I couldn’t understand why Carlos was doing this to me.
Before the accident happened a few months ago, we were talking about starting a family, about filling this house with children. But after that day, everything changed.
I still have nightmares about how it all happened, how my car flipped several times on the road, the pain I felt, and the terror I experienced seeing all the armed men approaching me. Carlos managed to find me quickly enough so that no further harm was done; he stayed by my side throughout my recovery and tripled the security. But when I got better and asked him for revenge on those who escaped, he changed.
My fear had turned into anger, and I needed to know that those animals would never come back to hurt me, I needed to know that I had killed them with my own hands. But he never agreed with that; it led to many discussions and arguments. He never wanted to give in, even with his father’s words supporting me, Charles’s, Lando’s, and some other allied family heads. He promised he would do the job himself, that he would never leave any of them alive, but he didn’t understand that wasn’t what I needed. And when I went against his will, when I got what I wanted, everything began to fall apart.
The door opens in front of me, bringing me back to reality. I see Lando enter the room; it’s not the first time he has found me here. This room had become a hiding place for me, so I could hide during crises or just cry without being heard.
Lando walks into the room. I point to the dresser near him, and he smiles slightly. He opens the last drawer, already knowing where I hide my things. He pulls out a bottle of bourbon and a glass.
“I’m giving you a break today. Drink with me” I try to smile at him “and grab one of those cigars too, I need my complete pity party.”
“How are you?” he asks in the end, sitting next to me and spreading the items on the floor.
“Terrible” I pour the drinks. “Is she still out by the pool?”
“Yes. If it’s any consolation, Charles and I asked the staff not to take any orders from her.” Norris says, and the gesture makes me a bit happy to know that I can still count on him.
“Thank you, Lando, you’re a good friend. And Charles too, is he upset about what I did yesterday?”
“He understands, Y/N.” Lando offers me the lighter so I can light the cigar.
“You know what annoys me?” I ask him between puffs. “If the situation were reversed, the man who dared to step into this house would already be dead. Carlos wouldn’t think twice about doing it. And I could never live with myself knowing I did that, even though now I can think of a thousand ways to do it to her.”
“You’re a good person, Y/N. You know that, and Mr. Sainz knows it too… he’s just trying to challenge you or whatever his game is.”
“I don’t know if I still have the strength to play, Lando” I murmur to him, the alcohol in my mouth calming me.
“You know I’ll be here by your side, whether you want to continue or if you want to give up… you’re my friend, Y/N, I will always support you”
“Thank you, I hope I can repay all your support someday” I smile at him and pass the cigar to him.
“Does Mr. Sainz know you stole these from his collection?” Norris asks and takes a drag on the cigar.
“He can go fuck himself” I murmur and take a sip of the drink.
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One more chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying it!
Leave your comments and opinions ❤️
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thewritetofreespeech · 3 months
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What the Future Holds
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Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Reader
Summary: Aemond & the Greens have returned victorious, but at what cost? [before all this: X XX XXXX]
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"Aemond, tell me true. Did you do this to Aegon on purpose?"
Aemond stared at you for a long moment. Seeming to debate lying, but you knew he would never truly lie to you. "...not entirely on purpose..."
"Oh Gods Aemond...." You felt the air sift out of your lungs. Thinking back to Aegon's burnt, mangled body in the bed. The maesters not confident in his recovery to the point that they had all but stepped aside to let the septons have him. You needed to sit down.
Aemond rushed to your side, kneeling in front of your seat, his hands on your knees. "You have to believe me. This wasn't my intention at the start."
"Aemond..." He was getting perilously close to his first lie ever towards you.
"I was being careful, like you told me." You scoff ruefully at his explanation. It sounded a lot like blaming. "But Rhaenys and Aegon were..." He paused then. Seeming to think back on that moment and he did not look happy on it. "I did what I had to. Aegon got caught in the crossfire."
"Literally?" You don't mean to be glib but Nine Hells this was a lot to process.
Aemond's expression looked worried. Fretful. He took your hands in his and held them tight. As if scared you would run away if he didn't hold them. "With Meleys and Rhaenys gone, the Blacks have lost one of their dragons and decidedly best council. Rhaenyra is not educated in war. Daemon is as brash and impulsive as my brother. They will never recover from this. Aegon was...a necessary sacrifice for the greater good."
"Aemond, this isn't like you push him off a bridge or cut his arm off in a duel. You set him on fire!"
"If he can't stand a little dragon fire, then he's no true Targaryen." He reasoned. Sitting back on his heels but still focused on you. "Don't you see? With Aegon out of the way we can end this war and be done with it. No more loss. No more bloodshed."
"No more King?"
You knew Aemond was being honest with you, but you also weren't stupid enough in love to not realize his intentions weren't all pure. "You said it yourself. We must think of the line. Of our future." He grasped your hand again, only this time one for one. Your binding hands. "Mine and yours."
You take a deep breath and look around. Trying to make sense of this, but Aemond rose up on his knees to take your face in his other hand and focus on him. "Westeros deserves a king who will lead it to glory. Who will appreciate it. Not a man, a child, who has squandered everything in his life. Who didn't even want it. And Westeros deserves a Queen who will guide them. Not a meek eyed doe like my sister. Not a zealot like my mother. You. Together we can make this kingdom better. Because we will be better. The Gods may not have chosen us first, but we are the right choice." Every word from Aemond rouses your heart. You knew of his passion, but who knew he was such a wonderful orator. "Tell me you feel the same. Tell me you believe in this."
You look upon Aemond and think on his words. "I'm not going to help you kill Aegon."
He sat back down on his heels and frowned at you. "I wouldn't ask you to."
"But I won't stand in your way." You finish.
If he dies, you will accept it. If he lives, Aemond would have to accept that too. This was the coin toss the Gods had offered all of you.
The prince thought on your answer, then nodded. It was the best you could offer and the best he could hope for. "Alright." He rose back up again, tentatively this time, and wrapped his arms around you. "You believe me, right? You do not hate me, do you?"
"Never." You might not agree with what Aemond was doing, but you could never hate him. It was done now anyway. "Promise me you will remain careful though."
"I will try." He had promised you that before, and here you were.
You held Aemond close, and he clung to you. You want to believe that this was all a mistake. An accident of zealousness born from wanting this war over and peace to come to the land. A necessary sacrifice, as Aemond had said. There was no denying he was right. The Blacks would never recover from a blow so hard, but what of the Greens?
There is a nagging feeling in your chest, however, that for the first time Aemond was lying to you. Or perhaps he was also lying to himself.
There was still much uncertainty on what the future holds for the two of you, but all you knew was that you held your future right here. With Aemond in your arms. Even if you didn't agree with his motives.
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highladyandromeda · 6 months
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Shadows of the Heart
Part 2
Azriel x Fem!Reader
Summary: After years apart, Y/n returns to Velaris, bearing the weight of sacrifice and secrets from her past. Reunited with Rhysand and his Inner Circle, she navigates the complexities of rekindled friendships and unresolved tensions. 
WC: 1.7k
Warnings: mentions of blood, but nothing particularly graphic
[Prologue], [Part 1]
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Another four days passed, a week having finished as Y/n continued to sleep. Madja checked in multiple times a day, but she didn’t find any other problems. 
“Apart from her loss of blood, her body’s naturally healing itself. And it even seems as though once Mor recovered, her magic was able to repair her wounds.”
Azriel observed how the deep cuts on her arm and leg closed to form thin raised scars, marveling at the process, and pushing back the discomfort of seeing her skin marred. 
“So why isn’t she awakening?” Rhys broached, having left his place by her bedside, only to convert the room next door into a temporary office, checking in every hour according to his shadows. 
“It’s most likely exhaustion.” Madja contemplated before continuing, “We’re still not sure of the magic she used to teleport herself and Morrigan here, but it was enough to take a toll on her body. Time is most likely what she required the most.”
Azriel nodded along, the images of the blood circle ingrained in his mind. The crimson runes were still left on the balcony, no one had the heart to ask the house or the stomach really, to wash them off. Rhys hadn’t said a word about it either, perhaps afraid that touching it could somehow affect Y/n’s recovery. 
On the dawn of the fifteenth day, as the first rays of sunlight spilled into the room, bathing it in a warm, golden hue, something shifted. Azriel, who had taken to keeping watch that morning, noticed the change first. The steady rhythm of Y/n's breathing altered and became deeper, more purposeful. Her fingers twitched and as Azriel crept closer, he could see her eyelashes flutter. 
Then, in a moment that seemed to suspend time itself, Y/n's eyes opened. The vividness of her gaze, a striking contrast to the pallor that had claimed her features for days, searched the room, disoriented yet aware.
As if sensing the shift in the air, Rhys appeared at the doorway, his presence commanding yet wreathed in silent anticipation. Feyre was close behind him, with Madja appearing along her side. Y/n’s gaze, clear yet clouded with confusion, swept across the room before settling on Rhys with a dawning recognition.
Rhys stepped forward, his voice a gentle anchor in the sea of confusion that likely swirled within her. "Y/n, you're safe. You're in the House of Wind, in Velaris."
"Rhys..." her voice was a whisper, fragile as the morning light, but it carried the weight of countless unspoken words. Azriel felt his shadows quiver at the sound of her voice, agitated that she said only that. 
Madja approached with a gentle smile, her presence a reassuring beacon. "You've had us all holding our breath," she chided softly, a twinkle of relief in her eyes. "How do you feel?"
Struggling to sit up, Y/n's arms trembled with the effort, unable to support her weight. Quickly, Madja and Rhys were at her side, gently guiding her back against a fortress of pillows arranged for her comfort.
"I—how long—" she began, her voice barely a whisper. Gesturing towards her mouth, she mimed the action of drinking. Rhys, understanding immediately, handed her a glass of water, which she accepted with a nod of thanks.
"Fifteen days," came the response, surprising even Azriel, who hadn't expected his voice to fill the silence.
Y/n's gaze snapped to Azriel, her crimson eyes locking with his in confusion. Then, turning back to Rhys, she sought confirmation, her eyes laden with unspoken questions.
"Yes," Rhys affirmed, his tone carrying a blend of seriousness and warmth. "As Azriel, my spymaster, mentioned, you've been asleep for fifteen days, Y/n."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise, prompting Rhys to add with a light-hearted chuckle, "You've never been one to enjoy your sleep, so, I must say, this time you've outdone yourself."
The room filled with soft laughter, which quickly turned into a series of coughs from Y/n.
With a firm command, Madja ushered everyone out, emphasizing the need for Y/n to rest and recuperate in solitude. Rhys, with a promise of returning bearing books and introductions, and Feyre, with an offer of her gentle company, reluctantly departed.
Azriel, ever the silent observer, melded back into the comforting embrace of the shadows. He lingered a moment longer, his gaze fixed on Y/n as she settled back, her magic, a soft luminescence against her skin, began to weave its way up her arms once more. And as he retreated into his room. It was the vivid scarlet of her eyes that imprinted itself on his mind, a beacon that refused to be extinguished even in the depth of shadows.
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Y/n paused at the top of the grand staircase, her hand resting lightly on the polished banister. Each step below seemed to stretch further away, a challenge laid out before her. She drew in a deep breath, bracing herself against the lingering weakness that clung to her limbs like the remnants of a bad dream. Halfway down, her breath came in shallow drafts and she leaned against the banister for a moment, closing her eyes. She wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at the state of her body, she couldn’t remember the last time such small movements pained her. 
Finally reaching the bottom, Y/n paused, gathering herself. The familiar scents of breakfast—a medley of sweetness and warmth—wafted through the air, grounding her. She stepped forward, each movement measured, as she refused to collapse here. Her pride could only take so much more of a beating, after sleeping for 16 days now. 
As her presence filled the doorway, a hush fell over the room, every eye turning towards her. It was Rhys and Mor who reacted first, their chairs scraping back against the polished floor as they sprang to their feet, propelled by a mix of concern and elation. Mor, having sat closer to the doorway on purpose, reached Y/n first, her arms enveloping Y/n in a hug that was nothing short of bone-crushing.
"Y/n!" Mor exclaimed, her voice thick with emotion, as she finally allowed her grip to loosen slightly, mindful of Y/n's recent ordeal. “What were you thinking?!” she yelled. Her eyes, bright with unshed tears, scanned Y/n's face as if to reassure herself that she was truly okay, that she was really there. 
Rhys, following closely behind, wore an expression of deep relief mingled with a hint of his usual charm. He extended his hand, but then, deciding against it, pulled Y/n into a gentle embrace, mindful of her recovery.
"You've been missed, Y/n. More than you know," Rhys murmured, before stepping back to give her some space, before ushering her into a seat. 
Y/n hesitated, her gaze sweeping across the familiar faces now turned towards her with varying expressions of curiosity and concern. "Actually," she began, a trace of her old confidence threading through her voice, "could I speak with you—just you and Mor...in private?" She added at their shared look of surprise, "It's urgent."
Before they could respond, Cassian tried to lighten the mood. "Sure, but not before you try some of this breakfast. We've all been waiting for you." His attempt to guide her towards the table was met with a small, knowing smile from Y/n.
"You must be Cassian," she remarked, “You’re just as I remember”, amusement lacing her tone, sparking a ripple of surprised laughter around the room. Deciding that she wouldn’t win this argument, Y/n gracefully conceded, taking the seat next to Azriel. As she settled into the chair, Azriel's shadow drifted towards her. They moved with an almost sentient awareness, coiling gently around her arms and weaving through her hair with the softness of a whispered secret.
Azriel caught between concern and embarrassment, hastily retracted them. "Sorry," he muttered, cheeks tinged with a rare blush.
Y/n shook her head, hiding her surprise with a gentle smile playing on her lips. "I don't mind. Really."
She turned straight to Rhys and tapped on his mental shields, watching his eyes unfocus as his talons gave way to the spirals of her crimson magic. 
How much do they know? She asked.
Just the basics. Rhys responded. I wanted you to decide on the rest.
And you still trust them?
With my life. Y/n, why don’t you stay–
Before Rhys could finish, Y/n closed their link, looking around the room before revealing, “As you know, my name is Y/n. I was raised alongside Rhys and his sister in Moonstone Palace.” 
She took a deep breath before continuing, “I left after her…after her death.” A pained glance shared between her and Rhys, with Mor resting her hand on her shoulder. 
"I’ve seen and heard of Cassian and Azriel during visits to the Illyrian mountains, but it was so long ago. I'm not surprised no one remembers."
Azriel felt his heart stutter, wanting to know more about this enchanting faerie. How could she remember him, but he didn’t recall her? Before he could muster the courage to turn to her, to ask her what she thought, no, what she remembered of him, Y/n didn’t let the revelation sink in.
With the weight of her next words pressing down upon her, she continued "I can't stay for long. I have to return to Vallahan."
She raised her hand in a stopping motion, insisting on continuing before Rhys grabbed her hand and pulled her up and into the house’s study. The slammed door echoed the shocked faces around the table. 
Finally, when it seemed as though they would continue past lunchtime, Y/n and Rhys emerged, both looking surprisingly frazzled as Y/n huffed up the stairs. Rhys announced to the room, now with the addition of Amren and Elain, that they would have renewed introductions during dinner.
Azriel tried to focus on the joy of seeing Y/n again for dinner, trying to swallow down the bit of jealousy he felt at her acknowledgment of Rhy and Cassian, and her subsequent engagement with the others. It wasn’t a new sensation, this feeling of being overshadowed by the more charismatic presence of his brothers. Historically, he had resigned himself to the background, comfortable in his silence, a watcher amidst the revelry. Yet, with Y/n, it felt different; though he had just met her, he wanted to be seen, to be the one she sought out, the one whose company she desired.
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A/N: Hi everyone!! Thank you so much for the support -- I wasn't expecting so much interest and joy when I first posted! I hope that I can write something that makes you all feel as entertained and encaptured as fanfic authors have made me feel!
I just created a tag list, I tagged everyone who asked and those who commented on the previous parts. If you'd like to be included, please just let me know. 💕
TAGLIST: @strangelygreat @enfppuff @trip-n-sal @inloveallthetime @annamariereads16 @mybestfriendmademe @mariahoedt @annblvd @ania-swissweet @yearninglustfully @sleepylunarwolf @quiettuba @gorlillaglue25 @lilah-asteria
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godspeedmajortom · 3 months
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I’m fascinated by how variations of Sea Power's “Want to Be Free (Remix)” provide a musical theme for death and endings that follows Harry and his foils throughout Disco Elysium.
The first place you hear it is as “The Field Autopsy” while inspecting the Hanged Man’s body. It's barely recognizable as the original song, though. It's sluggish and muddy and bilious. The piano melody has been lowered and sustained to an ominous funereal organ and combined with deep strings. A lilting viola line in the lush layers of the original "Want to Be Free" is isolated here and contrasts with the low organ, rising like the stench off a corpse. If you do the autopsy first thing as Kim suggests, Harry – freshly, grotesquely awakened from his apocalyptic bender – is not in a much better state than a corpse himself.
The music underscores a visceral scene of death and decay, our introduction to the Hanged Man, the first of Harry's foils. Both Harry and Lely are agents of state-sponsored violence as a cop and mercenary, respectively. They bear similar physical scars from the neglect of the systems they grew up in. They both desperately want to escape the horrorshow of their lives, using drugs and dark fantasies to cope with the terrible things they see and do but finding little more than self-destruction in the nihilism. The Bloated Corpse of a Drunk taking the Hanged Man's place in Harry's first night dream makes their connection explicit: you should be dead, Harry. This may as well have been you.
The next place you hear a variant of "Want to Be Free" is in the washerwoman's shack in the fishing village. “Live With Me” is wistful and melancholic. The gentle piano and cooing vocals evoke the wind and waves on the bay, an escape calling outside the salt-rimed shack. But this is a place of death, or at least its potential, as the return of the high viola from "The Field Autopsy" reminds us. This is where Ruby hid when Harry's arrival made her fear for her life, where she contemplated killing herself if things got even worse. This is where Harry can end up if no one vouches for him at the RCM tribunal finale, where his wounds will grow infected without medical care, where there is little left to do but return to drinking and wait to die.
But true to the song title, the shack also offers Harry the possibility of learning to with himself as he emerges from his bender. Here is a mirror free from the damage and trauma of attempting to destroy himself where he can reflect on who he was and who he wants to become. He can choose to keep or let go of his past coping/defense mechanisms like his facial hair and The Expression. He can choose to embrace or reject the self-defeating fantasy of fascism. The shack marks a midpoint of the game, when the hangover has worn off but before the case is closed. So "Live With Me" scores the balance between potential endings: abandonment or acceptance, relapse or recovery, death or life. Harry breathes in the sea air, breathes it back out, and takes another step.
I didn’t realize this until a recent replay, but “Live With Me” also plays when you visit the Working Class Woman to notify her of her husband’s death. Since this is an optional sidequest, I understand why they didn't create original music for it. But they didn't reuse "Rue de Saint-Gislaine", the song for the rest of the Capeside Apartments (including the Smoker on the Balcony's apartment when you talk to the Sunday Friend). The Working Class Husband is another mirror for Harry who has met his end, and "Live With Me" plays to mourn him.
Victor Méjean died from an accident while inebriated, a fate that also could have befallen Harry on a previous drinking binge. The striking thing about Victor's death is how easily he could have been overlooked and forgotten. He died at the end of a pier in a fenced off, abandoned part of town. His wife wasn't concerned about his days-long absence. It's only by virtue of Can Opening and Jamrock Shuffling that Harry will know about or find him. Victor literally and figuratively died slipping through the cracks – of the rotted boardwalk, yes, but also of any sort of social safety net. This is what happens to alcoholics in Revachol. This is what will happen to Harry if he continues drinking and hasn't built his own personal safety net with Kim or Cuno to prevent the RCM from abandoning him. As Harry informs Billie of her husband's death, it's only natural for him to think of his own possible endings, and the soundtrack reflects that.
The final version of the song you hear is “Burn, Baby, Burn” blasting from Sad FM on the boat ride to the Sea Fortress to find the Hanged Man's killer and Harry's last dark reflection: Dros, The Deserter. Dros shares Harry's penchant for clinging to political ideology to give meaning to his life and obsessing over women he can't be with. He lives in bitter isolation, refusing to move beyond the failures of the past, his personal shortcomings and the evils of the world alike. He's emblematic of yet another possible outcome for Harry: not literal death, but despair-induced stagnation that leaves one living like a ghost in the mortal realm.
By the time Harry gets in the boat to the island, his fate at the end of the game is set. The RCM (specifically Jean) has all they need to decide whether to accept or abandon their prodigal lieutenant-yefreitor. Should his former partners leave him, Harry can return to the shack and the circle of drunks who have also given up on life. Or he can return to the island, where he would take Dros' place as the creepy old man haunting the fortress, scaring children, and staring at the mainland with longing and resentment. But even if Harry returns with his unit to Jamrock, simply resuming his old life will not keep him from returning to the depths of despair. The RCM broke him; the RCM will not save him. Neither outcome helps Harry become a person he truly wants to live with.
"Want to be free/It will last forever/Eternally," croons the boombox on the boat. The lyrics echo the self destruction that Harry sought before the game's events: freedom forever from pain, the ultimate release of death. At least that's what the Ancient Reptilian Brain would see in those words. But there's tension in the lyrics as the desire for freedom and exhortations to "burn, baby, burn" repeat. The bridge offers an alternative vision of verdure not consumed by the disco inferno: "And the trees are green and overhanging/Feather-light, free, and everlasting." Perhaps a less moribund future exists for Harry, even if only in the next world, as a new person.
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