#abuser logic

[furiousgoldfish]

No matter how horrid and despicable the abuse is, the abusers will always insist it's all because of you. It's because you're doing something wrong, you're not doing good enough for them, you don't love them enough, you don't love them unconditionally, you're not showing that you love them through obedience enough, you're not considerate enough, and if only, if only you had more love for them, understanding and dedication and loyalty, then things would be fine and nothing bad would ever happen.

They convince you that this is the one ultimate truth and you almost can't escape it because their entire logic is warped around what YOU did to cause this, to cause them to snap and hurt you. They create this fictional world where potentially no abuse would happen if only you acted differently, almost as if it was under your control, whether they abuse you or not.

You can get lost in that world where your actions all have unpredictable, horrible and painful consequences, you can try to change your behaviour in a million ways to try and get different results, you can run yourself ragged trying to please the abuser to make them less hostile, and they still abuse you, and you still feel like nothing will ever be good enough, like you are not good enough.

And that's because their logic makes no sense. A person who loves you wouldn't do this to you. They wouldn't hurt you for anything. They wouldn't want you to suffer. They wouldn't consider themselves an authority over whether you've deserved pain or not, you would never deserve pain in their eyes.

A person who loves you and cares about you does not want you to run yourself ragged trying to please them. They don't want to train you into obedience, they don't find your worth equal to how much you're useful to them, they don't see you as a toy to manipulate into as much work as possible. The person who would do this to you hates you so intensely and so cruelly, you're not even real to them. They don't even see you as a person. And you know it, because after this type of treatment, you don't see yourself as a person either, you only see something to be used as a resource and discard at will, this is not who you are!

Compassion, humanizing, comfort, warmth, concern, care about your emotions, care about your experience of life, care for your well being, your happiness, your confidence, your quality of life, your dreams and goals, your happiness, your desires, freedom, passion, excitement, enjoyment, love can't exist without all that. That's what makes you feel like a person, that's what love is. Not being trained and dehumanized. Not being judged and punished because your best is not enough for someone. Not being blamed and scrutinized when you're in pain. That's the deepest hatred a person can hold for you, that's desire to torture you.

It doesn't matter if you're not good enough for this person because you were never meant to be a resource or a property. You were never meant to be used. You are good enough to laugh with, to spend time with, to adore, to comfort and to play with, to hold memories with someone, to be seen and heard and appreciated, to be held special in someone's heart. That's what you're meant for and this person is failing you. You don't have to be anything for them. They don't deserve to have anyone to use.

[odinsblog]

Remember, Megan Thee Stallion wasn’t the one who took sorry ass Tory Lanez to court - that was the state. It turns out that there are laws against shooting people. And Megan was a victim of domestic violence. It’s really sad seeing all the people victim blaming Megan for the “sin” of getting shot by Tory, and for not perjuring herself to protect her abuser.

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

Does anybody else have this very vivid memory of that thing that abusive parents/SOs do, where they assume carte blanche for themselves and have the right to say and do anything they g**d*** please, no matter how insensitive or unjust towards you, but the moment you say or do something even 1/5th as controversial as their own words/actions you're the scum of the earth and in their minds it gives them license to abuse you even more?

Just asking for a friend...

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

SJW: Hi! Welcome to my tolerant and inclusive space, where all are welcome and cherished. Oh, by the way! If you like Tolkien and DnD, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you don't support every neopronoun and xenogender under the sun, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you won't bake a cake for a same-sex wedding, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you smirk in a way I don't like, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you dislike postmodern architecture and prefer classicism, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you're Christian, and especially if you preach the gospel to Jewish people, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused -- but also, if you support Israel's right to exist, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you won't let your 8yo kid transition, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you think narcissistic abuse is real and speak out against it, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you love and teach classical music to students of colour, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you draw a bunch of fictional anthropomorphic minerals one micro-shade brighter or 10lb lighter than canon, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you voted for Trump, you're Hitler incarnate, you think women deserve no rights, and I wish you and your entire family would die in a fire. And most importantly, if you support JK Rowling, you're an Ultra-Nazi piece of excrement and I vow to find out where you live and come there and bash you over the head with a chair. XOXO ^_^

Rational people: Uhhh...maybe you could try calming down a bit? Maybe toning down the psychopathy would be good for you?

SJW: HELP! HEEELP!!! I'm being oppressed! They're condemning me just for existing as a queer neurodivergent person! They're denying my humanity!! PROJECT 2025!! HANDMAID'S TALE!! TEN STAGES OF GENOCIDE!!!

[rudolphsb9]

TODAY ON "JILTED LOVER OR ABUSIVE FATHER??"

Man asks woman actively not speaking to him why she is not speaking to him

[odinsblog]

T/W abuse

Conservative media host and commentator Steven Crowder can be seen on a Ring Camera video berating his wife Hilary, who was at the time nearly eight months pregnant, and demanding that she handle medicine for his dogs that she was concerned was toxic to pregnant women.

In the video, he snaps at her to put on her gloves to give his dogs medicine, walk the dogs, and otherwise "perform wifely duties," as she is clearly emotionally distressed.

Towards the end of the exchange, Hilary Crowder says to her husband, "Your abuse is sick," he snaps at her, saying, "Watch it. Fucking watch it."

Moments later, off camera, Steven Crowder, by his admission, would lose control and scream at his pregnant wife in a threatening tone, "I will fuck you up," which led his wife to flee their home.

(continue reading)

Just to recap: Crowder threatened to “fuck up” his 8 months pregnant wife, insisted that she handle toxic dog meds, and repeatedly demanded that she go walk the dog—whilst HE was sitting on his ass lazing around doing nothing but blowing smoke in his pregnant wife’s direction ……. the ick 🤮

Help is available

👉🏿 National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE

👉🏿 SMS: Text START to 88788

👉🏿 https://www.thehotline.org/

👉🏿 https://documenttheabuse.com/

[theconcealedweapon]

Sometimes, when you tell the truth, you'll offend people. Some people think this means that if they're offending people, they must be telling the truth.

Sometimes, when you do what's best for your children, they'll hate you for it. Some people think this means that if their children hate them, they must be doing what's best for their children.

Sometimes, in order to win a chess game, you have to sacrifice your queen. People following this logic would believe that if their queen gets captured, that means they're definitely going to win. They'll just put their queen where it can be captured as soon as possible and ignore anyone who tells them that it's the stupidest blunder they've ever seen.

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

Oh! So now, cancel culture is not a "right-wing conspiracy" anymore! Now it's happening, and it's a "GOOD THING ACKCHUALLY"!

Yeah, OP, go and spout your self-righteous balderdash to Zamii or to the Covingtongate kids if ya dare. Or any of the other cases you will find here.

Or better yet, how about I consider the fact that I found the original post reblogged, without any addition or nuance, from someone whom I consider a bible-believing sister in Christ. And this is already the second time that this sort of thing has happened within the past fortnight.

You know, by the way, fellas, that the Lord does not look favourably upon slander of the brethren? In other words, repent.

[furiousgoldfish]

In order to become stronger, my child shall have no human rights, no parental figures in their life, no warmth or approval, no rest, no point of view, no physical or emotional safety, no right to voice an opinion, no experiences of happiness or being loved. They will only do what they are told, and they shall be treated as shit for every moment of their life; this will make them better.

If someone asks, this kind of thing is what made me abusive! But it will make my child better. This is so smart and not at all evil and enabling me to abuse my child because I want to.

[momentomori24]

This may just be me, but I think if you ship a canonically very abusive, manipulative and toxic relationship, you don't get to judge or call anyone degenerates for their own fucked up ships, actually.

[sammygender]

not indirecting anyone but i keep seeing the take that sam has power over dean because dean is so attached to and dependent on him. like it’s everywhere. and its just soooo fundamentally flawed. that is not how anything works. not to sound like a broken record but that type of dynamic (where one partner, the aggressor, views themselves as in fact controlled/dictated by the whims of the other) is actually very standard in an abusive relationship…

whether or not sam has ‘power’ over dean in this way is functionally irrelevant because his ‘power’ extends to his ability to somehow, what, psychically manipulate dean into doing what he wants?? whereas dean’s ‘power’ over sam is making sure sam adheres to exactly what he’s decided sam should do and punishing him if he doesnt do that, and deciding he has ultimate control over sam’s own decisions about his life (see main plot events of s4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, so on and so forth…).

[terrific-togekiss]

I love how this goes hand in hand with another post I found.

Always doing anything BUT treating toxic women as abusers worth every callout and no defense.

Men who admit when they’re sad and let you hold them are so strong and absolute treasures.

[odinsblog]

Tankies be like: My frenemy 🇺🇦 was glowing up and posted some selfies, but then someone I hate 🇺🇸 talked to them and liked their selfies, so 🇷🇺 is totally justified in trying to murder 🇺🇦 and abducting their children, right?

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

"IT JUST MEANS EEKWAULEETEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!1!111!"

[messiahzzz]

this informational piece is directed to the gale fandom specifically:

grooming is a tactic where someone methodically builds a trusting relationship with a child or young adult, their family, and community to manipulate, coerce, or force the child or young adult to engage in sexual activities.

1. Choosing a victim - The predator often chooses a child who is obviously vulnerable. Children who are withdrawn, low on confidence, emotionally deprived and with less parental supervision are particularly at risk.

2. Building access & trust - Sexual abuse often begins with friendship. The abuser can also take on other roles such as a romantic partner, a mentor, a caregiver or an authority figure. The abuser spends time in getting to know the victim's likes, dislikes and habits and pretending to share common interests. The perpetrator establishes trust with the child by making them feel special, sometimes through gifts or excessive compliments and attention. This is especially dangerous for vulnerable children who do not experience attention in their daily lives. In the trust development stage, offenders aim to develop a trusting friendship or relationship with their victim. This can involve several tactics, including:

a) praising the child for their maturity and intelligence;

b) encouraging the child to disclose personal information;

c) syncing their language with that of the child;

d) highlighting mutuality (i.e., similar interests, attitudes and behaviors between the offender and child); and finally,

e) portraying themselves as being trustworthy and nice.

3. Filling a need with gifts & favors - Giving the victim small gifts and favours is a strategy used by perpetrators to make the child feel indebted. Trust is further built by sharing intimate life details, going on special outings and giving the child access to things they normally wouldn’t get. Once the offender has identified a child’s needs, they will try to be the “hero” to the child who gives them what they desire. Examples include gifts, extra attention, or affection. This causes the child to see them as highly important and even idolized. They won’t want to upset them in risk of not getting the void in their life fulfilled.

4. Isolating - The groomer actively tries to isolate the child from people who may be watchful or helpful. This kind of isolation creates deeper connection & dependency. The offender also exhibits exemplary behaviour before parents of the victim & manipulates them into trusting the relationship. They will use this trust to create situations in which they are alone with the child. Time spent alone also reinforces the “special connection” the child feels they have with the offender. This “special connection” is further reinforced when the offender convinces the child that they love and appreciate them more than anyone else.

5. Initiating sexual contact - With the power over the child victim established through emotional connection coercion or one of the other tactics, the perpetrator may eventually initiate physical contact with the victim. It may begin with touching that is not overtly sexual (though a predator may find it sexually gratifying) and that may appear to be casual (arm around the shoulder, pat on the knee, etc.). Gradually, the perpetrator may introduce more sexualized touching. By breaking down inhibitions and desensitizing the child, the perpetrator can begin overtly touching the child. At this stage, the offender will exploit a child’s natural curiosity through physical touch and excitement. They will begin to teach the child sexual preferences and manipulate what the child responds to. The child begins to see themselves as a sexual being prematurely and the relationship with the offender now takes on a sexual term.

6. Post-abuse maintenance - The goal of the final stage is to ensure the child remains trapped in the cycle of abuse and loyal to the abuser, by either reinforcing and maintaining trust in order to prevent disclosure, or by explicitly threatening or blackmailing the child or their loved ones. This can also be reinforced and maintained by, for instance, giving the child affection, praise or encouragement for one’s actions.

[deservedgrace]

The lack of understanding and empathy for cult survivors is really alienating. Because the same people that (rightfully) get upset hearing domestic violence jokes or rape jokes will make jokes about starting a cult.