#abuser logic

[furiousgoldfish]

No matter how horrid and despicable the abuse is, the abusers will always insist it's all because of you. It's because you're doing something wrong, you're not doing good enough for them, you don't love them enough, you don't love them unconditionally, you're not showing that you love them through obedience enough, you're not considerate enough, and if only, if only you had more love for them, understanding and dedication and loyalty, then things would be fine and nothing bad would ever happen.

They convince you that this is the one ultimate truth and you almost can't escape it because their entire logic is warped around what YOU did to cause this, to cause them to snap and hurt you. They create this fictional world where potentially no abuse would happen if only you acted differently, almost as if it was under your control, whether they abuse you or not.

You can get lost in that world where your actions all have unpredictable, horrible and painful consequences, you can try to change your behaviour in a million ways to try and get different results, you can run yourself ragged trying to please the abuser to make them less hostile, and they still abuse you, and you still feel like nothing will ever be good enough, like you are not good enough.

And that's because their logic makes no sense. A person who loves you wouldn't do this to you. They wouldn't hurt you for anything. They wouldn't want you to suffer. They wouldn't consider themselves an authority over whether you've deserved pain or not, you would never deserve pain in their eyes.

A person who loves you and cares about you does not want you to run yourself ragged trying to please them. They don't want to train you into obedience, they don't find your worth equal to how much you're useful to them, they don't see you as a toy to manipulate into as much work as possible. The person who would do this to you hates you so intensely and so cruelly, you're not even real to them. They don't even see you as a person. And you know it, because after this type of treatment, you don't see yourself as a person either, you only see something to be used as a resource and discard at will, this is not who you are!

Compassion, humanizing, comfort, warmth, concern, care about your emotions, care about your experience of life, care for your well being, your happiness, your confidence, your quality of life, your dreams and goals, your happiness, your desires, freedom, passion, excitement, enjoyment, love can't exist without all that. That's what makes you feel like a person, that's what love is. Not being trained and dehumanized. Not being judged and punished because your best is not enough for someone. Not being blamed and scrutinized when you're in pain. That's the deepest hatred a person can hold for you, that's desire to torture you.

It doesn't matter if you're not good enough for this person because you were never meant to be a resource or a property. You were never meant to be used. You are good enough to laugh with, to spend time with, to adore, to comfort and to play with, to hold memories with someone, to be seen and heard and appreciated, to be held special in someone's heart. That's what you're meant for and this person is failing you. You don't have to be anything for them. They don't deserve to have anyone to use.

[odinsblog]

T/W abuse

Conservative media host and commentator Steven Crowder can be seen on a Ring Camera video berating his wife Hilary, who was at the time nearly eight months pregnant, and demanding that she handle medicine for his dogs that she was concerned was toxic to pregnant women.

In the video, he snaps at her to put on her gloves to give his dogs medicine, walk the dogs, and otherwise "perform wifely duties," as she is clearly emotionally distressed.

Towards the end of the exchange, Hilary Crowder says to her husband, "Your abuse is sick," he snaps at her, saying, "Watch it. Fucking watch it."

Moments later, off camera, Steven Crowder, by his admission, would lose control and scream at his pregnant wife in a threatening tone, "I will fuck you up," which led his wife to flee their home.

(continue reading)

Just to recap: Crowder threatened to “fuck up” his 8 months pregnant wife, insisted that she handle toxic dog meds, and repeatedly demanded that she go walk the dog—whilst HE was sitting on his ass lazing around doing nothing but blowing smoke in his pregnant wife’s direction ……. the ick 🤮

Help is available

👉🏿 National Domestic Violence Hotline 1.800.799.SAFE

👉🏿 SMS: Text START to 88788

👉🏿 https://www.thehotline.org/

👉🏿 https://documenttheabuse.com/

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

Does anybody else have this very vivid memory of that thing that abusive parents/SOs do, where they assume carte blanche for themselves and have the right to say and do anything they g**d*** please, no matter how insensitive or unjust towards you, but the moment you say or do something even 1/5th as controversial as their own words/actions you're the scum of the earth and in their minds it gives them license to abuse you even more?

Just asking for a friend...

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

SJW: Hi! Welcome to my tolerant and inclusive space, where all are welcome and cherished. Oh, by the way! If you like Tolkien and DnD, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you don't support every neopronoun and xenogender under the sun, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you won't bake a cake for a same-sex wedding, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you smirk in a way I don't like, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you dislike postmodern architecture and prefer classicism, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you're Christian, and especially if you preach the gospel to Jewish people, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused -- but also, if you support Israel's right to exist, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you won't let your 8yo kid transition, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you think narcissistic abuse is real and speak out against it, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you love and teach classical music to students of colour, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you draw a bunch of fictional anthropomorphic minerals one micro-shade brighter or 10lb lighter than canon, you're a Nazi and you deserve to be hated and abused. If you voted for Trump, you're Hitler incarnate, you think women deserve no rights, and I wish you and your entire family would die in a fire. And most importantly, if you support JK Rowling, you're an Ultra-Nazi piece of excrement and I vow to find out where you live and come there and bash you over the head with a chair. XOXO ^_^

Rational people: Uhhh...maybe you could try calming down a bit? Maybe toning down the psychopathy would be good for you?

SJW: HELP! HEEELP!!! I'm being oppressed! They're condemning me just for existing as a queer neurodivergent person! They're denying my humanity!! PROJECT 2025!! HANDMAID'S TALE!! TEN STAGES OF GENOCIDE!!!

[rudolphsb9]

TODAY ON "JILTED LOVER OR ABUSIVE FATHER??"

Man asks woman actively not speaking to him why she is not speaking to him

[odinsblog]

Tankies be like: My frenemy 🇺🇦 was glowing up and posted some selfies, but then someone I hate 🇺🇸 talked to them and liked their selfies, so 🇷🇺 is totally justified in trying to murder 🇺🇦 and abducting their children, right?

[theconcealedweapon]

Sometimes, when you tell the truth, you'll offend people. Some people think this means that if they're offending people, they must be telling the truth.

Sometimes, when you do what's best for your children, they'll hate you for it. Some people think this means that if their children hate them, they must be doing what's best for their children.

Sometimes, in order to win a chess game, you have to sacrifice your queen. People following this logic would believe that if their queen gets captured, that means they're definitely going to win. They'll just put their queen where it can be captured as soon as possible and ignore anyone who tells them that it's the stupidest blunder they've ever seen.

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

Brazenautomaton wrote this (emphases mine) back in September 2020, and to the surprise of absolutely nobody, it still applies word for word because these people (who BTW have the balls to call Trump supporters cultists) have not changed ONE JOT OR TITTLE in their narrative, and they keep giving us ample demonstrations of the Definition Of Insanity again and again:

This isn’t a “purity test”. This is “you guys cannot stop betraying me, you are just as bad as your opponents despite claiming we need to vote for you to keep your opponents from getting power, you do not give a shit about any of the causes you claim to be for, you engage in shitty backroom deals to sabotage the primaries and make sure the one awful candidate you Anointed gets the nomination, you cannot stop betraying me, and I am not going to reward your bad behaviour any more. The only way you might possibly realize you have to stop being terrible and actually do something about the causes you claim to champion, is to stop rewarding you for betraying us. You need to be reminded that a vote is not something you are entitled to, it is something you have to earn. I will vote for the candidate who doesn’t make me want to put a gun in my mouth and if you can’t meet that standard you don’t get my vote.” [...] The party line is now “Okay, the party betrayed us and nominated awful people who won’t do anything we want them to do, but we still have the obligation to vote for them! After we elect these people, then we’ll really hold them accountable and make them do what we want!” And how do they propose to hold politicians accountable when they are committed to always voting for those politicians no matter what? It’s not like “well, okay, next election will be the time to address how they keep betraying us.” Every single election in my entire lifetime, the Democrats have said, whether about the Presidency or lower offices, “Okay, so we know we betrayed you and nominated people you hate and who won’t do the things you want. But you have to vote for them anyway! This particular election is just too important to hold us accountable for betraying you, so much is at stake in this particular election!” You cannot stop bad behaviour by rewarding it. If they don’t earn my vote they don’t get my vote.

Listen to me. Listen to me right now. Two years from now people are going to tell you to vote for Democrats in the midterms. And you're going to shut the fuck up and do it.

[furiousgoldfish]

In order to become stronger, my child shall have no human rights, no parental figures in their life, no warmth or approval, no rest, no point of view, no physical or emotional safety, no right to voice an opinion, no experiences of happiness or being loved. They will only do what they are told, and they shall be treated as shit for every moment of their life; this will make them better.

If someone asks, this kind of thing is what made me abusive! But it will make my child better. This is so smart and not at all evil and enabling me to abuse my child because I want to.

[slocumjoe]

Honestly, of all the companions, I think if you wanted to take your SS down a gritty, horror route in the sense that they're kind of an evil bastard, Danse is the easiest person to completely fuck up because his morals are entirely dependent on who he respects. Preston would never compromise his values. Nick wouldn't. All the other companions are so stalwart in their views that it would take some MEGA fucked shit to get them to change, and most of them, they wouldn't just roll over.

Danse absolutely would as long as you lined your goals close enough to his, earned his trust and admiration, got some authority or emotional leverage, and then started the veer-off slowly. If SS was a smooth talker who liked people insecure and codependent on them, Danse would be hanging off their leg. This is all post BB but even prior, he's not as rigid in his values as he wants to be. Danse seeks community and justice, he wants to be a good person and do right. If he's told that means eradicating mutants and that he'll have family while doing so—see what I mean? All it would take is one person who climbs farther than he ever could on that righteous ladder, who is then kind enough to spare him—and then icy enough to use that guilt and gratitude as bargaining, likely without Danse even realizing it.

What I'm saying is that Danse could easily be the victim of a psychological thriller and have his brain chopped and screwed in ways previously unknown to man

[siryouarebeingmocked]

SYABM comic 71 “Fist of Demands”.

[ Older comics | Chronological order | Subreddit ]

>All of this< >has happened before< >and will< >happen again<.* Archive, archive, archive, archive.

If you look at the first link, some Redditor dismisses women who disagree as "tokens".

Which, um, seems a bit misogynist.

Not the first time I've seen someone call people "tokens" as an excuse to ignore women or minorities who disagree with them.

I couldn't find the comment I saw (maybe it was another thread, or got deleted), but I did see multiple people who compared a man beating up a woman who attacks him to a man beating up a child.

Which is also sexist.

*And again.

[arcenciel-par-une-larme]

Oh! So now, cancel culture is not a "right-wing conspiracy" anymore! Now it's happening, and it's a "GOOD THING ACKCHUALLY"!

Yeah, OP, go and spout your self-righteous balderdash to Zamii or to the Covingtongate kids if ya dare. Or any of the other cases you will find here.

Or better yet, how about I consider the fact that I found the original post reblogged, without any addition or nuance, from someone whom I consider a bible-believing sister in Christ. And this is already the second time that this sort of thing has happened within the past fortnight.

You know, by the way, fellas, that the Lord does not look favourably upon slander of the brethren? In other words, repent.

[holdmymetaphor]

okay heres some things about houses childhood i think about

theres clearly a few dynamics here

-he hates his father, resents the abuse, recognizes that bad things were done to him

-probably when he was very young, he didnt understand why bad things happened to him, was not intentionally A Bad Kid

-because he surmised his dad was not his dad at 12 i assume the abuse started from a young age.

-house mentions ice baths and sleeping outside, but he also mentions his father not speaking to him for months at a time, which is interesting to me. when house tries to qualify the severity of abuse to eve he says "not as bad as your [trauma] if how your acting about it shows how bad it is." which to me is pretty noncommittal. was he doing that bc he was still kind of lying, trying to get info out of her? if not, it seems like house is actually unsure of how to qualify his own abuse, which would lead me to believe it was largely emotional and verbal. although i suspect that his father did physically abuse him at times, to me this exchange implies that house thinks the ice baths and sleeping outside were the worse of it (interestingly both acting on his whole body and ability to regulate temperature)

-at some point he acts out intentionally, instead of unintentionally, bc his father is Wrong and shouldnt be abusing house in these ways(the fact that the thing he wanted to hear from his father was "you were right, you did the right thing" 😭😭)

-this leads to worse and more cruel punishments, which house both detests and wants to avoid repeating. furthering his resentment, but reinforcing his fathers authority

- despite his knowledge that his father is wrong, his dad claims to do these acts out of love, to teach dicipline, to toughen him up. (in this way his struggle with god is really an allegory of his father: is it better he hates me (i deserve pain) or loves me (i dont deserve pain) when he does awful things to me? or is it better for him to not exist at all (things just happen, there is no deserving)?

-in my perspective, especially as house got older, into his teens, he was actually probably really "well behaved" finally smart enough to fake social cues and swallow his pride so that his father wouldnt hit him or what have you (which is why he regresses to a child often as an adult, because he was not allowed those things)

its interesting to me, to see how all of houses character is shaped around the shadow of his father. the parts where he is similar: rigid, principled, yell-y, and where he is intentionally different: encourages independent thinking, respects challenges to his authority (only when he has authority lmao that all falls apart when people take his power(read:agency) away, his biggest trigger)

and none of this even gets into his mother, blythe (a word which means both happiness and bland disintrest) which is a whole nother can of worms. the fact that at the funeral she said that "the war was over" (which implied that no matter how much house actually listened to his father, there was still a part of him that couldnt help but to point out the logical issues, and therefore continued abuse)

lastlly, she had said that john loved him. which i think house believes to be true. especially when he tries to talk to his dead father in season 6, he says "i think i focus on the wrong things," implying that he did want to find some peace with that relationship, and that he wanted his fathers love, despite it being illogical, painful and confusing.

that he was willing to look past the abuse was shocking to me, because house is right his father shouldnt of abused him. but it was coming from a place of love, however ill concieved.

this is as close as we get to house praying to god. to admit that the suffering of life cannot be defied or denied, and grasp for the love nestled in between all the pain, however flawed, wrong, or illogical.

in a lot of ways, his story is so much about houses struggle with the body, its agency, its disability, its doom. he literally becomes a doctor to grasp with this ideologically (at times paradoxically) instead of physics because his question isnt really about existance in general

its about why he exists in the broken, painful way he does. and at the end of it, he sets down his need for an answer, righteousness, and admits that despite it all, his body cant help but love. and that love is the death of him. the end of his suffering.

[momentomori24]

This may just be me, but I think if you ship a canonically very abusive, manipulative and toxic relationship, you don't get to judge or call anyone degenerates for their own fucked up ships, actually.

[sammygender]

not indirecting anyone but i keep seeing the take that sam has power over dean because dean is so attached to and dependent on him. like it’s everywhere. and its just soooo fundamentally flawed. that is not how anything works. not to sound like a broken record but that type of dynamic (where one partner, the aggressor, views themselves as in fact controlled/dictated by the whims of the other) is actually very standard in an abusive relationship…

whether or not sam has ‘power’ over dean in this way is functionally irrelevant because his ‘power’ extends to his ability to somehow, what, psychically manipulate dean into doing what he wants?? whereas dean’s ‘power’ over sam is making sure sam adheres to exactly what he’s decided sam should do and punishing him if he doesnt do that, and deciding he has ultimate control over sam’s own decisions about his life (see main plot events of s4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, so on and so forth…).

[terrific-togekiss]

I love how this goes hand in hand with another post I found.

Always doing anything BUT treating toxic women as abusers worth every callout and no defense.

Men who admit when they’re sad and let you hold them are so strong and absolute treasures.