#abt the whole thing of like. not knowing how others perceive you vs how you actually are

[hoofpeet]

The gender thing ever <3 she has so many complexes

[crossovershipstournament]

SIDE 1C: ROUND 1: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III (How To Train Your Dragon)/Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians) VS Jane Porter (Tarzan)/Captain Amelia (Treasure Planet)

Propaganda for Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Jack Frost:

i dont personally ship them but i know there are people who still do (and i found out abt rise of the brave tangled dragons stuff when i was young but i never got into it) so i'm just submitting this for fun and bc it's kinda cute lol

Worried and uptight x Laidback prankster. They compliment each other so well!!! Jack helps Hiccup relax and not die of a heart attack from worring too much, and Hiccup makes Jack take things seriously when needed. Prep x Jock!!!! Sun x moon!!!! Blessed be the ships from Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons (Rotbtd)

They're silly!! Hiccup's sarcasm and compassion pairs well with Jack's fun. That and Hiccup often tries to befriend everyone and Jack is incredibly lonely, they would be friends pretty quickly. Jack's whole origin involves the fact that nobody perceived or believed in him for a good 300 years before the events of the movie take place, but Hiccup if I remember correctly is pretty involved with folklore and legends and the like. He'd probably believe in Jack's existence which could lead to them meeting While Jack is kind of bitter in the beginning, we mostly just see him snarking the other spirits, since they're able to see him and just don't like him. The way he treats people and kids, however, is very different; he's all smiles and games even if they have no idea he's there! So I think Jack would be pretty friendly towards Hiccup, who had been previously bullied by literally everyone his age, which would be a VERY nice change of pace for him Idk. I think they would get along and maybe fall in love a little!!! They're just neat

Propaganda for Jane Porter/Captain Amelia:

An automatic-in; because these two videos [x] and [x] by @/TheNamelessDoll (both on here and Youtube) made me SO emotional for them.

Art Credit:

Hiccup/Jack art by @/kannra-orhara Jane/Amelia screencap by @/thenamelessdoll (video it's from in one of the links above!)

[lynn-tged-posting]

tged webtoon ep 160 spoilers and thoughts that i am a tad bit late on (sorry abt that) below the cut

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bugs when you lift a rock

I REALLY REALLY LIKED THIS EP IT WAS SUPER COOL AND THE BALANCE BETWEEN THE GAGS AND THE COOL PANELS WAS GREAT

i fucking love . javier being smug so so much THIS WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY HAHAAHAHHAA bud knows his worth fr he really looks like an angel

they're so stupid /aff what's wrong with them

AND RAPHAEL'S WEAPON REVEAL. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE GIGANTIC WEAPONRY. IT'S MY FAVORITE THING EVER WHEN WEAPONS OF CHOICE ARE ABSURDLY HUGE AND THIS REALLY REALLY WINS THAT. ALSO I AM TERRIFIED FOR THEM BECAUSE OH MY GOD THIS LOOKS SCARY but also it having a very normal Office Product Name is HILARIOUS LOL yes the multipurpose business hammer. for business. it's big but don't worry about it .

we also have a date for when the great war in the mythical age occurred! i haven't quite started a whole Lorasia Timeline thing yet but thisll be useful for future reference i think

plus plus, the way the jewel of truth tells the truth,,, is by bypassing the heavenly realms rules and accessing something beyond that. it could be related to the system that lloyd is using? or when javier became a grandmaster how his mana changed to something beyond the laws of causality , or whatever that was. might be related!!!

THE PRAYER GAG WAS FUNNY BUT ALSO MADE MY HEART ACHE BECAUSE- LIKE OKAY THE "also i want to live life selfishly and freely in retirement" IS SO REAL OF HIM BUT ALSO

i really truly believe that this second panel is how he really truly feels. living like a bum aside, lloyd has always put others first, he's always protected other people before himself. lloyd also tends to always try and take things into his own hands, taking the reins and pulling things into his control, so that he can achieve this unknowingly noble goal of protecting those close to him.

it makes the fact that the moment he heard about making a prayer he does it IMMEDIATELY, so so so heartache to me; maybe i'm overanalyzing/overthinking these things, but as someone who doesn't quite believe in higher power and also as someone with a lot of easily-hurtable pride:

do you realize what it takes to fall to your knees, to beg and to pray to be heard, to be at the mercy of someone else, for something you want?

that HURTS a LOT. seeing lloyd immediately bow his head and pray like this. he's desperate not to lose it all - he can't, not when the goal is so close - and fighting the angel really isnt smth they should do at all bc people would get hurt. and so he's on his knees for someone else to grant that privilege of building this jewel of truth... it could be my perspective / feelings influencing how i perceive this ofc, maybe it's really not that deep, but it Hurt me and i felt the need to explain why LMFAO

anyway, me inflicting psychic damage on myself aside, JAVIER VS RAPHAEL!!! THEIR WHOLE FIGHT IS SO SO COOL AND JAVIER LOOKS FUCKING INSANE /POS

the sheer power of their collisions/parrying sending REVERBERATIONS LIKE THAT is so fucking CRAZY javier has grown so so strong and the fact that he's sparring w an ANGEL is so fucking COOL GOD THIS IS SO COOL

AND THE CLOSEUPS ON JAVIERS FACE TOO THEY MAKE ME INSANE LIKE WHAT THE SHIT HE'S SO FUCKING COOL

LIKE NO FUCKING WONDER HE WAS THE MAIN CHARACTER OF TKOBAI HE LOOKS AND ACTS THE PART SO SO WELL HE'S SO MAIN CHARACTER SHAKES HIM AROUND HE'S SO COOL

poor lloyd tho the sounds of the fight fucking him up bc of the swordmaster syndrome RIP though it does look like he's handling it better than before!

there's still a lot of push and blur bc of the overwhelming sounds but it feels less chaotic and messy than the panels from last ep, like it looks more controlled i think? like the lineart looks much more stable here, so it seems like the meditation/training helped!!!

ALSO ALSO SOLITAS YAYAYAYAYAYY ITS MY BOY MY FAVORITE SIDE CHAR the mid-transformation panels are so so cool!!! so many awesome things this week heehee

AND VERKIS YAYYY YAYAYAYAYY honestly yeah it tracks that the three biggest powers on lorasia fighting at all would just. fuck up the world good thing he stopped solitas,,, even if solitas doesnt know who he is HAHAHA LMFAOOO "... who are you?" HAHAHA

OH AND BACK TO THE FIGHT RAPHAEL'S HALO THAT'S SUCH A COOL MECHANIC

that's so cool that the halo can be used defensively like this!!! and it stands just fine after one of javier's strikes too that's so crazy

it makes a lot of design sense too w the way he's dressed, and also with the sheer SIZE of his weapon; you'd think that he'd have like, armor or something if he was going somewhere expecting a fight, but all he's wearing is a nice clean white suit. but that's cause the halo does all the defense work for him!!! and with the weapon too like, if you need to suddenly defend but you're in the middle of an attack and unable to shift your momentum, the halo's got you covered! it'd be hellish trying to stop your trajectory with the swing of a hammer THAT large, it looks like its made of straight up metal/steel, so when you swing you HAVE to follow through. u wouldn't be able to really defend with it

im just saying all the same stuff at this point but GOD THIS IS COOL AND CLEAN HALO MECHANICS I LIKE IT A LOT

the effects in general are just SOOOO awesome in this episode im really happy about that heehee, the artist rlly popped off!!

AND FINALLY,,, LLOYD PREPARES TO SING,,,

THE FUCKING DEMON SHAPE IN THE SHADOW BEHIND HIM OH MY GODDD HAHAHAAA

see like. i'm genuinely wondering whether or not this'll work or if it'll like, cancel out like PEMDAS, cause like raphael would be considered a holy creature, right? and lloyd's singing is considered demonic, and so those two powers are opposites, so would it be like neutralized overall?? like would raphael just lose his power, or maybe lose control of his halo, or would he actually take damage from his singing?

sorry that's really silly HAHA but i thought it'd be funny to think about, im really excited to see where this fight goes!!!! i really hope we get more cool moments this is so sick i'm so excited!!!!

okay okay thats it hehe see y'all next week (as in later this week lmfao)

[corfisers]

Your post abt # instances of yashiro perceived rejection Vs # of times where yashiro says "don't look/stop looking at me/look elsewhere".

Which one is more recurring, in your opinion?

rejection, i think. that's the short and simple answer. i didn't go through the entirety of saezuru again to do the math, this is just based on what i remember and only counting rejection from doumeki, which i assume is what you are asking about

aaand under read more is the unreasonably long answer and tangential blabbering on the topic that nobody asked for

initially i was going to reply differently. the thing is, "don't look at me" moments jump out more because they are unique to his relationship with doumeki (which is what both the story and the readers tend to focus on the most) and it's yashiro actually having a reaction and vocalizing his feelings. an uncharacteristically strong and sincere reaction in some cases. there's irony to it too, because one of the first things yashiro notices about doumeki is that he has nice eyes. he likes how he "looks down on him", at least while he can still pretend that that's what's going on (we all know doumeki never actually had any contempt for him at the start, misumi notices how smitten he is back in the first chapter, everyone else quickly figures out what's up as well. yashiro just assumed the worst and tried to project kageyama onto doumeki, and he recognizes and admits it later). he's fine with doumeki watching him have sex with other men or masturbate, but the moment he's looking at him when he's vulnerable or can't keep up the facade, he can't handle it. he doesn't want to be perceived, it's scary and unfamiliar, nobody looked at him the same way doumeki does. the intensity of yashiro's reactions to it and how significant those moments are go hand in hand with the overall progression of their relationship, and it all eventually leads to the worst one out of all of them: yashiro crying and telling doumeki not to look, just like aoi did. that one hurts, that one sticks with you, that's the one doumeki thinks back on

rejection, on the other hand, is quiet. there's no strong reaction, all you get in most cases is a slight change in yashiro's facial expression and some internal monologue. some of those moments don't stick out as much, they aren't as memorable or noticeable (chapter 23 is an obvious exception, but that's a whole separate conversation and i'm not counting it here). rejection is something he's used to and has been dealing with since childhood. first his mother, then kageyama. repeatedly. and there's some comfort in being rejected and left behind, even relief. i'm projecting a bit and speaking from personal experience, but after a certain point it does feel easier to simply give up on things, assume the worst in every situation and just be alone. can't be disappointed if you didn't expect anything in the first place. yashiro liked the fact that doumeki was impotent for a reason

it's not just with doumeki either. yashiro often talks about how much people probably hate him or how disgusted they are. in some cases he's right, hirata exists after all. in others he's completely wrong, like with ryuzaki. not that the bastard made his feelings obvious at any point (the nicest thing that yashiro actually knows of was that damn washcloth), but both doumeki and nanahara managed to notice, so there's that. either way, there's some form of rejection, assumed or otherwise, throughout the entire story, from different characters, to varying degrees, but it's not as... loud, i guess? as "don't look at me" moments. it also often gets overshadowed by doumeki's feelings and how he deals with being rejected, at least to me, but again, that's a whole other conversation

all that to say, if you go through each chapter and actually count, i think you'd get more instances of rejection, they are just more subtle. it's the norm, it's the unfortunate reality that you get accustomed to, especially if you happen to be Not Straight and exist in a predominantly cishet space with a bunch of homophobic men in it. there's not much else you can do aside from learning to be hated and rejected and looked down upon and continuing living despite it. meeting someone who actually wants to be with you, who sees you as person and not an object, after all these years of suffering and resignation and plain surviving, is scary and disorienting. i think the ways yashiro deals with being perceived vs being rejected reflects this experience, but again, i might be projecting

anyways, if you somehow got through all this - thank you for coming to my ted talk, hopefully you found at least some of this interesting or entertaining and didn't just waste your time!

[ashtcnirwin]

Talk to me about 5sos ship dynamics please🥺

quick...uhhhh. disclaimer or something like that: these views are based on how each 5sos member appears to the public. it’s very possible that they’re very different people in their personal lives ofc but i wouldn’t know anything about that, so all my assumptions and statements here are based on how i perceive them based on their public personas

alright anon i love that you gave me a chance to talk about this in public cos i’ve talked abt it in the DMs plenty of times, so i have Thoughts Ready To Be Shared🧡

cake

they’re sweet. like, they’re just overall incredibly sweet. luke has an overall sweet demeanour, he’s very soft spoken and kind, very touchy-feely, very reliant on words of affirmation from his loved ones, a little naïve from time to time (thinking about the dream tweets-thing with the helicopter joke). calum on the other hand doesn’t necessarily give off typically sweet vibes to me on his own, he’s quite the temperamental, attitude-y bitch (affectionate) the way i see it, but he’s incredibly sweet and patient with luke in a very particular way that he isn’t with ashton or michael. they’re both very touchy feely as well, they enjoy casual touches and hugs a lot and seem to find comfort in it

cashton

if i had to summarise cashton with one word, it would be “balance”. lord knows i’ve made a lot of jokes about their whole soulmate-thing and what it actually references (hi maya), and while i’m too much of a cynic to believe in the idea of soulmates, i do like to think that if there was such a thing as soulmates, it would be based on balance between two individuals. ashton and calum aren’t opposites (that would be lashton) but their personalities compliment each other rather beautifully, and they seem to feed off each other in a way that benefits the both of them. they’ve been there for each other when things have gotten rough in their individual personal lives, and a part of me thinks that that’s due to balance; ashton’s extremely open persona complimenting calum’s more guarded one, ashton’s rather chaotic way of being complimenting calum’s very grounded energy, while i also think they’re extremely similar in a couple of other areas

lashton

they're classic in damn near every possible way; oldest and youngest, shortest and tallest, care giver vs care receiver, the typically loud and confident one vs the typically cautious and self-depracating one. so many jokes have been made over the years about ashton being the band dad, but in many ways he absolutely is, and i think it’s particularly apparent when it comes to how he interacts with luke. while ashton has always been very loud about how proud he is of luke, about how much he supports him, luke has been equally non-verbally loud about how much he admires and looks up to ashton in a very typical youngest brother vs oldest brother dynamic. the vibe is that if they were stuck in a zombie apocolyptic world, ashton would sacrifice himself for luke but luke wouldn’t let him

malum

i mean. childhood best friends. that’s the dynamic and it shows. they have so many things going for them at once; they look at each other with so much fondness, they appear to be the most comfortable with extended physical displays of affection (see the plane clip from the tmh europe tour diary), they’re so horribly kind to each other, but they also know each other so well it’s almost scary and they enjoy poking fun at each other when the chance presents itself. these two dudes have gone through life together, they’ve been friends since way before either of them had any inkling that they wanted to pursue a musical career, and now it’s been two decades and they’re still by each other’s sides

mashton

they’re an interesting one to me, because the way i see it, they’re very much a case of “had to learn how to love each other”. they’re not a natural fit, they’re two very opinionated, stubborn and strong-willed characters who had 5sos been a nature show would have engaged in a battle to murder each other at the first chance they got. i firmly believe it took them a while to understand each other, because i think they’re rather similar by nature in many ways but extremely different by nurture. and i think they’ve landed in a place of deeply rooted mutual respect now, i think they admire each other’s approach to music but also to life in general, in a vaguely mystified “i don’t and i never will understand you 100% but i love and respect you more than i could ever convey through words”-way 

muke

muke has such youngest sibling vs middle sibling vibes in the way that michael will bully the living shit out of luke at damn near every turn. it’s so incredibly easy to spot if you look at old footage but the thing is that it’s still there to this day, but in a more tempered and mature way. it’s that whole thing where michael has, since the very beginning, taken every chance to poke fun at luke in one way or another, but he’s simultaneously been his fiercest protector, while luke in turn remains incredibly gullible as far as michael’s antics go (like at the...i think it was the irvine-show, with the t-shirts and all that). they have that whole “will kill each other on the daily but will also arson anyone who even looks nastily at the other”-thing going on

[piskinkk]

tbh who tf cares about the score you get on ap art exam. one continuous stupid investigation that you might’ve already fallen out of love with should not define you nor your skills as an artist.

i decided to stick with an investigation topic and media that would be the quickest and easiest for me to draw in because the portfolio is extremely rushed to begin with. LET THAT SINK IN. i didn’t pick a media i ac cared abt or really wanted to explore. i had to pick one i already know cuz i’m initially scared to mess up.

and like who tf wants to draw 15 pieces of the same shit. and who especially wants to spend 1 and sometimes 2 weeks on one piece huh? like that isn’t enough to produce a good quality artwork.

and who tf are the ap judges anyway? do they know that not all art has to be broken down to its very bone? have they ever heard of expressive pieces? something that isn’t hyper realistic, yet still looks cool and got quite a meaning to it?

WHO TF SAID THAT ART HAS TO HAVE A MEANING ANYWAY???!!!

should’ve j kept going with my realism pieces bruh…i j know i would get a 5 if i did cuz these judges are biased af. every single tiktok i’ve seen of a person scoring a 5 was a portfolio consisting solely of realistic pieces.

but here i am with my stupid ass bugs and the way we perceive them as my fucking investigation topic. ig at least i didn’t go with some cliche ass topic like “what being gay feels like…” or “what it’s like to have an eating disorder…” or “pandemic and how it affected students..”

drawing 15 fucking pieces all related to one topic is so boring and plane like who tf cares…

15 meh pieces vs. 5 high quality art pieces?

i think five would be enough.

anyways, i know i deserve that 5. i work nonstop. art is all i care about. it’s the only thing i’m sure about. all the other ppl in my class blab and don’t do their work (hopefully they get the 3s and 2s that they deserve). i don’t talk to nobody. i plug in my headphones, transcend into a whole other fucking dimension and work my ass off to get a somewhat cool piece of art.

and i know i can do much better than 15 boring pieces that portray a bug at a human activity. i’m better than that. but stupid college board puts frames and limits on the initially free mindsets of artists that want to take the class. fuck college board, teaching how to produce mediocre, uninspiring art to please the stupid ass stereotypes abt what art should be.

stay woke and don’t listen to shit about your art. it’s your art. BUT also don’t be full of yourself. if all of your art seems mediocre - it prob is lol.

[elliscousland]

okay okay so enfp-t is pretty accurate for ellis. though how it applies definitely depends on where in his timeline you catch him. bcs before origins or bg3 yes! check, check, check!!! he is interested in keeping others' spirits up, he loves being the life of the party whether or not he's having a good time, he loves supporting the people around him in the only way he knows how.

but actually getting into it??? he's a bit more Spicy than that. he lashes out often bcs he doesn't always know how to handle things & makes that everyone else's problem. like in theory i think it fits pretty well but there are also a few things tht don't quite line up. i think it's also PARTIALLY bcs he is so self-contradictory a lot of the time. bcs again, in theory he likes supporting the people he cares about. in practice? it's hard for him to care enough to offer that support. i am just thinking, more on this later.

i think it makes sense for him to be considered an extrovert, though it's definitely the most turbulent part of this ( it was extrovert 56% vs. a 44% introvert ) which like,, makes sense to me bcs he bounces back & forth between wanting to be around people. he loves being around his people, the ones he trusts, but struggles really hard w being perceived by others??? which sort of makes sense as to why he would want to be like a social pillar bcs then he matters enough to stay relevant.

but also he often feels like the people he meets in super social settings don't get the whole him & it leaves him with an intense sense of imposter syndrome. this also has got to do w all the stories surrounding he & his sister but tht is a conversation for another day

the intuitive ( 93% ) bit makes total sense to me. ellis has always been creative. his whole schtick in any verse is that he grows up idolizing stories & the possibilities within them, fictional or not. he's always drawn & written & kept a journal. he does often need to talk out ideas for them to become real instead of like, looking at them objectively??? so that makes sense.

he is always bouncing possibilities around in his brain & can be intensely stubborn when he settles on one, whether or not said idea is rooted in logic. he's never been particularly practical & generally follows his heart

which leads me to feeling ( 82% ) again, ellis usually leads with his heart & with the people he cares about in mind. he doesn't always look at the larger picture when it comes to this & usually tunnels in on the people he Actually gives a fuck about instead of worrying abt juggling everyone's feelings ( in fact, he has a heavy track record OF hurting people's feelings bcs if you aren't an important person to him he doesn't feel that same drive to give a fuck & even if he DOES care he leads w his heart so if he PERCIEVES rejection / something tht hurts his feelings he will do the fucking same 2 u )

but like. man has always lead with his heart, he is a bleeding heart & can't hide it. which can be a very good thing or a very bad thing. even when he has good intentions sometimes hurt feelings overshadow that & it's probably too easy to hurt his feelings. he tends to take things super personally, whether or not they're meant to be & again will lash out about it. he acts on his impulses a lot of the time because of that & puts logic & morality aside in favor of following whatever path his heart tells him to follow.

as for the prospecting (64%) part of it??? i think uhhh. sort of makes sense. like he can be very stubborn when it comes to outside influences but internally, he's always playing with ideas. he absolutely can be enthusiastic when he has an idea he wants to pursue but it depends on the context.

but what makes me scratch my head here is that he also likes a bit of structure from internal & external sources. man is an emotion driven man & it can be exauhsting. so he likes things to be a certain way. i'm not saying this to be uwu quirky but he does deal with ocd & when there isn't a lot of structure it can drag him into very raw episodes in his mind. like there are certain aspects of his life that he likes to remain controlled & structured, but it's like. very complicated & probably deserves a post in itself

then the turbulent ( 100%) makes total sense. man is constantly stressed out & second guessing himself. man is driven by stress. he's never going to be good enough within his own mind & it's a huuuge part of why he's so hard on himself. it's this duality of knowing he used to want to be good & knowing tht he doesn't care anymore, knowing tht he is a hero but knowing he would end the world if it meant he could find peace, wanting to survive but thinking engaging in the Horrors are the only way to do that. like it makes sense for his turbulent be at 100% bcs he goes back & forth between going ' i hate myself ' & ' but you don't get to hate me motherfucker ' & ' but u probably do ' & ' i love myself & that's enough ' & ' i hate myself '... ect.

[dapper-nahrwhale]

ive been thinking abt It and dndads (and stranger things kinda) for hours now its like. the monster has always been here and has shaped your life in ways you cant even perceive and you want to outgrow it but you cant and you never will. and the monster is a living breathing creature but it's also your parents and grandparents and it's also You and youre just continuing to act it out. nick leaves taylor like glenn (kind of) left him like bill left him and so on. eddie and bev marry people just like their parents. lark and sparrow literally have the doodler in their bloodstreams. augh

LITERALLY. it refuses to leave my head. The paralleling in these stories ahhg! Dndads and it (two of my favorite things in the world) hit the same thing!

Gawd just. Everything about these makes me go insane. The way the cycle repeats. You cant stop the monster that ruined your childhood from ruining your adulthood too. You are that monster. You cant move on past what happened when you were a kid. You the exact same kid you were when it happened except you're nothing like that kid at all. You can never change from the shit you went through and you'll never be that kid again. You became your parents without even realizing it.

Its about the generational trauma!

Also. Grant parallels Darryl by talking about things too much instead of too little. When he said the "we'll talk about it later" in the recent ep I lost it. The fact that they were all so irreversibly changed by that happened to them as kids that they cant change back to who they once were. He is not the boy you knew. I'm never over how they dealt with the consequences of episode 1 by grant becoming a fundamentally different and unrecognizable person to avoid that curse thing. Like that fucked up his whole shit forever man.

Lark and Sparrow are SO like henry whether they realize it or not. The Lark and bill denbrough parallels <3. They both feel insurmountable crushing guilt over something they think was entirely their fault. They were just kids. They make amends for this in the worst way possible. By trying (and failing) to kill the creature they're guilty for (insert obligatory fma03 ed and sloth reference). They let their guilt consume them. If they cant kill the horror they made whays the point of them living though it

I'm not assigning rigid roles to each character, just noticing the parallels. But I'd say the potential for sparrow and stan to be similar is so interesting. They both try as hard as they can to lead a normal regular life in spite of everything that's happened and yet they fail on that.

I realized immediately ep 1 that nick was like glenn and bill and ect ect with the not being there. But not by choice! But the cycle continues none the less! (I dont know if we'll be able to find nick and have him be reunited with the others in s2 or not. I think they all need to be there and alive to defeat the doodler, to end the eldritch horror that took their world. But if hes not there how do they kill it?)

The concept of nick needing an inhaler but never using it because he doesnt want to be lame in front of his dad vs eddie not needing one but continuing to use it because his mom says he needs it! (Smth smth the unconscious and conscious power their parents have on them smth smth)

Terry holding everyone together like mike is so chefs kiss yes! Terry and (maybe) ben being the most well adjusted of the groups. And well adjusted is very loosely said here because are any of them really? Terry being the researcher and the one to find the spells and the one to try so hard to save everyone he can (like mike).

Instead of just them forgetting the events like in it, they remember it all but the rest of the world forgot. How fucking lonley that must be either way.

Off topic but. One thing about it I adore is the 90s tv miniseries, where out takes place in the 60s in flashbacks and 80s/90s in present time and then in the new movies it take splace in the 80s and the present is the present! The exact 27 year gap between them is insane when you see the production for it had been in production hell since the 2000s!

I'm going to be thinking about these stories for the rest of my life I think...

Feeling the shrimp emotions about this rn.

[ghostofadragon]

ok this is out of the blue but this fandom is super small so theres no one to talk to about it and also I just wanna know: do you have any thoughts on the knife scene in Batman Unburied? because I've been thinking about the podcast and that scene is one of the more stand out character moments imo because on the one hand you have Babs being noticeably scared and on edge during that part implying that despite how nonchalant she seems she (reasonably) must've been on edge like this the whole time she's been around Eddie and that her whole (more or less) cool and collected demeanor is at least in part just a brave face she puts on and on the other hand you have Eddie just straight up not getting that Babs is scared of him in that moment, instead thinking that she is worried he's contaminating evidence and only realizing she's threatened by him after being told to put down the knife thrice which implies he genuinely didn't even consider hurting Babs/Babs thinking he might hurt her an option and that's just kinda interesting imo considering he's a whole professional criminal and possibly even a murderer. aaand this implied difference in how they perceive the whole teamup situation (Babs being constantly on edge while Eddie's just having a relatively normal time mystery-solving) would also fit with how he keeps talking about them as a 'we' later while Barbara keeps telling him off that 'there is no we' (which we know can't quite be true cause earlier she kept referring to them as 'we' too as Bruce points out when they find him). But anyways...what's your thoughts on this scene or their 'team' dynamic?

hmmmm that's a good one! id have to relisten to the scene to really think about it comprehensively but from what i recall i didn't really personally interpret it as eddie straight up not realizing that barbara was afraid of him/concerned what he might do/or etc (like, after the initial misunderstanding anyway) but more that he was kind of in disbelief/maybe mildly amused and maybe also somewhat hurt by it & trying to hide it but like, in an expected way? like, 'oh yeah of course shes going to be weird about it she's A Cop and Has History With Me (Technically) why would she put any regular amount of trust in me to not be a risk with a bladed weapon and i shouldnt get my hopes up for her to not think of me that way' especially since barbara has spent like the past six(?) years basing pretty much her entire opinion of edward purely on his criminal record and specifically that he stabbed her dad With a bladed weapon so like i think its fair to say it was a little bit of a trauma moment on her part lol i definitely agree with you abt barbara being kind of obviously on edge the whole time, i can't really claim to know if this is accurate to canon or not but i like to believe that part of her unease directly stems from the fact that edward makes like, a lot more sense to her than she wants to think about. like she showed up determined to hate him and he does annoy her to some degree for sure but he is making it really hard for her to not sympathize with him and she doesnt really want to consciously confront that. i'm probably biased bc i love that kind of character dynamic but i really am a sucker for characters not wanting to confront that they are starting to enjoy being around someone who doesn't align with like, their personal image of who they are Supposed to like being around. idk i actually have quite a lot of thoughts about how barbara interacts with most of the other characters we see her with vs how she interacts with edward with respects to like, how people routinely worry about or judge the way barbara tends to do things when left to her own devices vs how (as far as i recall) most or all of edward's criticism of what shes doing comes from when shes thinking too far in the box as opposed to too far out of it. idk! they are interesting to me

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au pt 9

post directory

obsetress: ready ok ot4 hc incoming

em: ot4! ot4! ot4

obsetress: after dani breaks up with her viola cuts all her hair off n it's the first impulsive thing she's ever allowed herself to do in her whole life (which should also tell you exactly how fucked up she was by it) n so then we have

obsetress: short curly hair viola

em: what is wrong with you

em: oh i love a dramatic haircut as a motif

obsetress: by the time she and rebecca start hooking up it's grown into a long bob and she keeps that for a while tbh because like

obsetress: viola has impulses all the time but she either: suppresses them, or thinks about them and then does them to the point where they can no longer be considered impulsive

obsetress: vs um

obsetress: dani has impulses all the time and used to suppress them but then fully leaned into

obsetress: charging headfirst into whatever the fuck (vp speech ref sheds a tear)

em: OTP: dont you wanna go apeshitt

obsetress: and thinking about how people change u and rub off on u for the better even after they leave

obsetress: viola: wants to go apeshitt

obsetress: viola: thinks about going apeshitt, thinks about all the ways it would benefit her, thinks about how she would enjoy it even if it did not in any way benefit her

obsetress: viola: yes ok don't you wanna go apeshitt

em: no but i am i am thinking abt like. dani and viola as both sort of? dragged into being housewives and homemakers because Women n viola didn’t really have the power to change her situation (even if she got isabel out of it!) and dani actually managed to call it off

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: grits teeth

obsetress: once again crying over very intentional very deliberate danvi parallels that no one else wants to talk about and i think even in this au right

obsetress: viola is socialized in such a specific space that this can very much still be true

obsetress: and i think like part of what draws her to dani is exactly that––that dani had the freedom to do that much sooner––but also she resents dani for exactly that too

obsetress: even when they're together, and that's the possession piece too

obsetress: i think a part of her thinks if she can't do it for herself she can have it for herself and that's close enough

obsetress: like she v much covets dani

em: ah the unique way that lesbians fuck each other up bc of living in a homophobic and misogynistic society

em:i mean who doesn’t covet danis ass

obsetress: literally and metaphorically

obsetress: and part of dani definitely knows that but part of dani (at least until she doesn't) likes it

obsetress: (also this is kinda what i was getting at w my insane lil pwp alfjadslf but i think it tracks here too)

obsetress: because she's like "well this is what it's supposed to be but it didn't work with eddie because i don't like men but now i'm with a woman and this is how it's supposed to be"

obsetress: "and i like being wanted it's nice to be wanted by someone i want for once"

obsetress: but yeah thinking a lot about the danvi dynamic once again

obsetress: viola short curly hair to viola long bob

obsetress: YEAH I JSUT

obsetress: WENT TO HER INSTA TO FIND

obsetress: AND THEN GOT

obsetress: SO DISTRACTD

[em note: edited out a 30 minute tangent going through pictures from kates instagram]

obsetress: so anyway the whole point of this. long bob viola

obsetress: rebecca loves long bob viola she rly loves um. sitting on her lap and running her fingers back through her hair

obsetress: when she and dani see each other again for the first time dani's all "oh. you cut your... hair" and vi's like "i did" and dani's like "it, um. looks... it looks... good?"

em: i think it’s nice when viola does something for herself :)

obsetress: it's nice :)

obsetress: i'm happy for her :)

obsetress: wish she didn't have to look so much hotter though :)

obsetress: don't make that face, babe, it's fine :)

obsetress: you know i love you :)

em: WAIT

em: dani had a fucking moment. she’s like

obsetress: oh dani likes her girls w curly hair huh

em: counting on her fingers. how many ppl has she dated w

em: YEAH

obsetress: YEAHDLKFJSLDFDFJSLDFj

em: CURLY BROWN HAIR

obsetress: OH MGOD EDDIE TOO

obsetress: NOT JUST GIRLS

obsetress: aw baby has a type

em: so actually it is DANI who ends up w the strongest routine

em: just short bob hair viola sitting next to jamie and dani has a fuckjng. out of body experience. perceives herself a little too hard

obsetress: she's just. staring

obsetress: mouth def hanging open

obsetress: then someone's like "dani? dani?" and she's blinking like five times in a row and sitting up straight

obsetress: but she does def have that moment at brunch

em: jamie doesn’t twig it

em: violas like. violas got a keen eye for anyone ‘copying’ her style. raises one devastating eyebrow

obsetress: dani and vi devastating eyebrow partners n crime

obsetress: later that night, in bed: jamie?

jamie: wot?

dani: do i have a type?

obsetress: jamie immediately wants to jump to no because how could she have anything in common w––

obsetress: oh. oh

em: jamie’s lil wispy premature greys set her apart

em: ‘jamie HATES it when she has things in common w viola’ is my favourite bit sjddkhd

obsetress: jamie "not sure how viola has no greys n she's how much older than me again" taylor

em: dani realises she actually has. no idea how old viola is

em: barely even knows a birthday

em: maybe viola even has like. a decoy birthday

em: queen of being mysterious for the drama of it all

obsetress: "she's just too stubborn to grey is all" "i'm stubborn!" "mm" "wossat supposed to mean" "you're..." "i'm what" "you like to... pretend? you're stubborn" "pretend i'm–– i am!" "jamie, i asked you to repark the car because i didn't want to get out of bed and it's street cleaning day and you immediately jumped up to do it even though you can barely parallel park"

em: WHIPPED

obsetress: jamie's quiet for a long time then, softly: "can parallel park just fine"

obsetress: "mm"

obsetress: whipped as hell

obsetress: this led me to everyone making dani or viola parallel park all the time when they go anywhere

obsetress: hc dani is a Very Good driver. idk why but it tickles me

em: i think um. dani is v independent and wants to be able to do things herself

em: and i think she probably got her license before eddie, but as soon as eddie got his....

obsetress: and dani's better than him n got a better score than him, and yet

em: and yet!

em: they swap out being deso driver if they’re gonna be drinking. or jsut call a taxi lmao

em: i’m so endeared by Extremely Good Driver Dani

em: dani does a reverse park without thinking

obsetress: viola loves her martinis n dani is drunk off of half a glass of sangria

obsetress: same!!!!!!!

obsetress: also just like. imagining

obsetress: dani checking all her mirrors

em: no

em: HANNAH

obsetress: and adjusting everything so fastidious

obsetress: OH GOD

obsetress: i didn't––

em: i jumped

em: phew it’s actually cute

obsetress: yeah! dw i'm not sick

em: well

obsetress: she just goes through her whole lil checklist and is so meticulous and precise

em: jamies like ‘we’re the same height’ and danis like ‘well.’

obsetress: oh god the four of them driving to the seaside for a vacation together (lots of content to mine here, will have to put a pin in most of it because i am getting sleepy) but they end up taking the truck much to vi’s chagrin just because it can hold the most

obsetress: (like viola doesn’t have a range rover but listen it needs to be dani n jamie’s car for this to work)

obsetress: and vi and rebecca are sitting in the back and then rebecca’s frowning and blinking and digging a headband out of the seat between them and viola immediately just. knows

obsetress: she’s like “dani?” “mm?” “you and jamie... have cleaned your car recently, right?” (jamie’s chiming in: “i’m right here, vi, you can address me too,” viola pointedly ignores her) “um... maybe a couple months ago? why?” “well,” and vi pokes her disdainfully with the headband, “can you at least tell me you’ve had it cleaned between whenever this got stuck between the seats and rebecca and me sitting here now?”

obsetress: dani just GRINS sheepishly

obsetress: “i could tell you that, but...” “but?” dani mumbles “it would be a lie”

obsetress: anyway dunno why vi’s that upset about having to sit in the backseat where dani n jamie hooked up, like, last week when it’s not like she and rebecca haven’t been inside the two of them respectively but it’s absolutely the kind of contrarian shit she’d choose to be pressed about and it makes me laugh so

[seoafin]

BYE I WAS IMMERSED WITH GENSHIN’s STORY PLOT (AND THE FANARTS ON MY TL) WHICH WAS ALSO DROPPED EARLIER THIS MORNING AND FORGOT ABT JJK FOR A SPLIT SEVONDSJJSJEJ

but anyways ,, jjk 145// the more i write abt it, the more i’ll sound incoherent, this is ur last warning to ignore this 🧍‍♂️(1)

the one who is based on avalokitesvara (i’ll start calling it them as kannon from now) that i mentioned was actually brain (out of ppl) 😭😭

kenjaku (羂索) is shorten from "不空羂索観音 (fukukenjakukannon)" ,, they existed b4 the heian period... older then sukuna ?? suggested that brain is at least 1k years old... hsjsjjsjs

fukukenjakukannon, a manifestation of the buddhist god of mercy and compassion,, perhaps of some interest is that the fukukenjaku shares some kanji with gojou's infinite void followed by kanjis for trap & rope, with kannon directly referring to an all-knowing/overseeing divine existence. it rly does seem that kenjaku, tengen, and gojou's fates have all been strongly interwined throughout history,, kannon has been perceived as both male and female depending on the portrayal and the region, not unlike jjk's kenjaku switching bodies and genders over the course of time (kamo vs kaori vs getou)

some associations with kannon may be relevant to jjk. namely, as yuki mentions, salvation ,, kannon is a deity to serve his subjects, and resolve their suffering by eliminating its source,,, in which case, i think kenjaku's goal may possibly not be too far off from geto’s ,,,,, he may think that he is saving a group that is enduring greater suffering than any other. whether that is shamans, cursed spirits, or sth else entirely is up for debate. given his persistence over the millenia, and the likelihood of spreading suffering worldwide through a universal tengen merger, it's more than likely that he has a very personal motive. note that under his plan it is specifically the evil of a human that would spread and destroy all of humankind connected through tengen

this is an interesting contrast to sukuna, who is much more whimsical and far less calculated. i think the clash between these 2 in the past will have strong relevance for the future,,, on the other hand, since kannon has historically manifested in response to the suffering of various beings, it may be that the feelings of cursed spirits as a whole have led to kenjaku's existence. he could very well be a curse born from curses, instead of from humans.

okay now what i'm really excited abt: the relationship between kenjaku and the 6 eyes. 1 of the functions of kannon is to protect the 6 realms of rebirth/the 6 paths. u may already be familiar with this buddhist concept as it has been referenced in a variety of animanga (notably it is a major plot point of naruto, it's mukuro's ability in KHR, etc.). there's strong reason to believe this concept also has connections to the gojou 6 eyes ability. i think if we get to learn more abt the 6 eyes, i may be able to speak more on this point.

(as a side note here, i’ll mention that there’s an association between kannon and the protection of aborted children, perhaps relating to og kamo and the death paintings)

at the very least, we know that kenjaku and the 6 eyes are in opposition, and i'm speculating that the gojou bloodline is the true manifestation of a protective deity, at least for the humans, and kenjaku's goals are antithetical to that,,, perhaps, as yuki kind of suggested, taking the name kenjaku is a joke of sorts. if sukuna is malevolence incarnate, kenjaku is mercilesness,,

i think some of the core concepts being explored by the tengen storyline are that of form and existence. gojou satoru, tengen, kenjaku, and eventually the star plasma vessels are existences that transcend the norm,,, toji on the other hand, is the only example of the opposite. an existence that shouldn't have ever existed, in a sense. kenjaku seemed to have used that to his advantage in his manipulation of the events in hidden inventory,,, but it also leads me to believe that only a similar anomaly could undo the new destiny he's setting up for himself.

geto was the perfect piece to set kenjaku up for success in conducting a merger and putting this culling game into motion. geto's path has led to this outcome,,, in which case, an apt parallel as we have known all along is that gojou's path should lead to the counter-outcome: megumi, yuuta, and especially yuuji— these 3 will be the key to unravelling kenjaku's plan.

also tengen said that kenjaku’s objective is to send all the ppl in jpn to higan or turning all non shamans into one but he doesnt have enough cursed energy to do that,,, i did say that yuuji’s birthday took place in the 4th solar term where a part of a week long celebration haru no higan (higan 彼岸→other shore, buddhist pārāmitā), when ppl would honour the dead and sweep ancestral tombs took place,,,

so theres this buddhist mantra, called the “heart sutra” and the last verse of the sutra is,,

there are many sutras in buddhism, but the most well-known among them is probably the Heart Sutra,, altho it depends on the sect (of buddhism), the heart sutra is often read at funerals and memorial services, so even if,, and for some reason the sutra is often associated to kannon even in the utube thumbnail 👁👁 if u search up prajnaparamita sutra,,

heart sutra has the meaning of "an important teaching to reach the state of enlightenment by the power to see through the truth and essence." which is based on the idea of ​​"void" as this important teaching,, the sutra tells us what we shld do to be free from the suffering of this world and live in peace,, in the heart sutra, the idea of ​​"void" is especially important.

buddhism can be broadly divided into theravada and mahayana buddhism,,,,

theravada is a teaching that only some ppl (those who practice buddhism with strict lifestyle like the monks) reach the state of enlightenment, while mahayana is a teaching that all ppl (some who practice Buddhism) can reach enlightment even if u dont practice anything related to the religion,,, the idea of ​​the void has the idea of ​​not being caught up in individual things and not being obsessed with it, and the idea of ​​heart sutra belongs to the category of mahayana buddhism

"void" does not mean "empty" but "no substance (no fixed shape)". the sutra also states that "everything keeps changing" and "although it keeps changing, the essence (core) of things remains the same."

for eg, the idea is, "i am me, no matter how old i am,, my appearance and various abilities deteriorate, how I am evaluated by others, whether i feel good or bad."

in other words,,, it’s a teaching to be aware of the essence without being caught up in the phenomenon of change.

"void" means "no substance (no fixed shape)", which means that u don't have to be obsessed with things or get caught up in one value.

eg, the reason why diamonds are beautiful is that diamonds arent beautiful from the beginning, but that humans decide that they’re beautiful,,, and that each person has a fixed evaluation of the movement of their hearts that they feel is beautiful. but thats not always the case right?

the last verse goes like this :

“Therefore, Prajna Paramita is known as the most divine mantra,

the great enlightening mantra,

the utmost mantra,

the incomparable mantra,

destroyer of all suffering!

Since what is true is not in vain, listen to the mantra of the Prajna Paramita– it goes like this:

GATE GATE PARA GATE PARASAM GATE BODHI SVAHA!”

the translation of the last line is: “going, going, going on beyond, always going on beyond, always becoming buddha.”

quoted from a web here : “it suggests movement toward awakening. It expresses the enlightenment of a buddha as an unfolding process, rather than a steady state. It puts us in the hopeful position of one who may not have arrived, but who may be on the way. The destination may not be an end, but the journey itself.

As appealing as this translation is, it is by no means the only one. When you do an Internet search for the terms “Heart Sutra” or “Prajna Paramita” you get numerous references. At these various pages you will find several different translations of the mantra. These include:

* Gone, gone, gone beyond, gone altogether beyond. Oh what an awakening! All hail!

* Gone, gone, gone beyond altogether beyond, Awakening, fulfilled!

* Gone, gone, gone to the Other Shore, attained the Other Shore having never left.

* Gone, gone, totally gone, totally completely gone, enlightened, so be it.

* “Oh, you have done! You have done! You have completely crossed the margin. This is Enlightenment! Congratulations!” “

the irony though of toji dying thinking that he should've stuck his principles but actually having ridiculous impact on the world,, this also puts a new spin on the "look upon the flesh of one who is free" (afaik it was left untranslated on his cover page when he invade dagon’s domain) and the implication is imo,,, the more cursed energy, the more restrictions and so in a way humanity goes into a devolution the more cursed energy there is because they will be bound even more tightly to the cycle than before,, which is the irony of the kenjaku & bodhisattva linkage

toji had a heavenly restriction and has zero cursed energy, which is an anomaly that is his own, which makes me wonder what he would've been like if he had an expressed technique,,, but it's the zero cursed energy part, that uniqueness, that makes him powerful in canon

im rly curious how having cursed power automatically seems to lock u into a binding,,, which is seemingly fate. the shaman world rly operates entirely on rules,, where this is because of tengen's barriers or the origin of techniques being more commonplace im not sure

i used to think CTs came abt when individual sorcerers made pacts with supernatural beings etc but now im not sure,, despite leaning hard on shinto and buddhist frameworks there isnt much overt indication over what is and is not a real power in canon,,, like we have mahoraga but are bodhisattvas assumed to be real and exist? or as figures of belief, are they and other figures of shinto mythology, all just cursed spirits in the end?

but that tengen is linked with the proliferation of 6 eyes and star plasma vessel, makes me start wondering how and why tengen started this whole barrier thing,, like yes jpn has a ton of cursed spirits but was it before or after the barrier i can't remember now

maybe Kenjaku was messing around too much back then,, i like how sukuna also maybe had very lil to do with this and is possibly going to interfere as a wild card once more. is the idea to use him as a hail mary so u convey more ppl to the other side all at once? unless kenjaku thinks sukuna is the person who got closest to the next evolution of humankind and is actually a fan 🥴

but yeah if sukuna and megumi can remake the world together can they just hit the reset button so tengen isn't somehow this massive jungian collective unconscious? is sukuna going to accidentally save the world lol,,, i didn't care for fate themes before since it felt like akutami hadn't wholly committed to it as a theme,,, but fate and collective responsibility/influence on the individual just became a much bigger theme

also the mind/body/soul thing with tengen,,, when is that idea coming back

so tengen and sukuna are so far the only ppl who have said to have evolved into curses, whereas kenjaku still seems to be a shaman, as well as angel. what catalyzes that??

also how tf are the cursed weapons made i have questions,, just putting it out here but i actually thought that if toji, presumably, didnt rebel and defected from the clan,,, what are the chances of zenin thinking of turning him into a cursed weapon lol

,,, does being a cursed spirit mean u are bound even more tightly to fate? or do u escape because u are no longer a human bound by ur technique and u are instead just energy that keeps cycling over and over.....cursed energy rly just karma with strength mechanics???

why did gojou get rid of the black rope only for yuuta go to find more??? seems contradictory,, like...did he exorcise sth in that couple years gap?? or were there other reasons? or is HE the one scared since he also hid the inverted spear of heaven,,, makes me wonder how common knowledge all these mechanics actually are

trying to wrap my head around potential megumi learned helplessness or not being able to work through his own problems, or if it's this weird backward wishing that he didn't HAVE to deal with problems if he didn't HAVE to do these things and there were simple solutions,,, like i don't think he's exactly lazy bc he seems to do a lot of work behind the scenes, but there's a certain stasis to him, a wishing not to know. i wonder if he was ever given the "u are a child and I'm the adult" speech nanami gave yuuji

nanami, qifrey and maybe reigen are the adult/ mentor figures i wish was/ is in my life orz

i think it's kind of funny how 145 is like suddenly christianity! this manga is just abt the many ways people seek freedom and want to be delivered,,,

but im not going to talk abt it 😔 — i only have lil to no knowledge abt it other than the lil trivias my friends dropped time to time whenever we’re having a discourse abt religion suddenly lmao and im not a big fan of talking abt things idk abt bc i’ll just look stupid otherwise LMAO

its interesting to note that christian have this uh for a lack of better way to describe it, higher power which can grant u eternal salvation or damnation while buddhism is just fending for urself in pursuit of enlightment ,,, while buddhism also have beings like devas/ deities it just means that 1) if ur born as one, u must have done a good deed sometime in one of ur previous lives,, 2) u just have a ridiculous long life span but yes u’ll eventually die again and rebirth as sth depending on ur actions,,, that goes for living in gods, demi-gods, humans, animals, hungry ghosts or hells realms

this is completely unrelated but,, my mother used to blast the heart sutra frequently in my house back then and the only thing i catch is the “gate gate parasamgate bodhi svaha” which i used ,, whenever i see sth..that is supposed to be unseen

theres this time i stayed behind in cram school for an exam,, i purposely took a another path from my usual one to clear my head (but im still familiar) and i saw this guy standing on the side road and the only thing that went thru my mind back them was “why is he not moving? is he waiting for someone? is he lost or sth,, the main road is just 6 foot away tho lol”

it was until i keep looking at each house that i finally notice that the spot he stood on is not even a ground lvl asphalt,, it’s a fucking sewer which means that he’s actually floating 😭😭 i just jogged and say sth along the line “wow today, ma is cooking hotpot for dinner (i actually have no idea what she plans to cook everyday) i dont want to eat it cold,, so i better hurry up” out loud while chanting the verse in my head

theres also this time me and a friend were sitting on my motorcycle after getting our late night food run until a particular smell and when we stay silent, a woman is singing on the branch right above us that we dipped right away and i almost catch a ticket for speeding all the while thinking abt that verse💀

i dont mind seeing one of “them” but i do have a problem with them following me back home and end up haunting my house for some period of time,, that one or sth ghost who slam things around and giggle in the middle of the night is enough for me to deal with 😀

now im off crying abt genshin (again) now and i’ll go back to sleep afterwards,,, ALSO I LOVE WITCH HATE ATALIERJSJEJEJ- 🐱 (2)

you literally brought up THE SAME EXACT QUESTIONS I HAVE!!! like why would gojo send yuuta to find more of the rope if he destroyed it in the first place?? unless he destroyed it in the heat of the battle with miguel during the prequel but it didn’t look like that. also i saw on twitter kenjaku might not even be a male?? apparently when referring to kenjaku, tengen didn’t use gendered pronouns. im also super curious as to how the six eyes, star plasma vessel (riko...), tengen, and kenjaku are all entwined because kenjaku’s plan was a long time coming, even though he was foiled two times already.

this reminds me of the heavenly restrictions because im still so confused about what exactly it is!! is it something a person is born with or is it something that is placed on a baby by another person??

you brought up fate too and i think that’s such an interesting concept like with akutami making more and more references to the heian era and the “golden age of sorcery” in the end I feel like everything led up to this moment. the existence of cursed energy too just feels like this “endless cycle of fate” which makes sense considering this theme also kinda aligns with yuuji’s birth which was pre planned. idk...this whole thing is suddenly feeling so much more insidious than we may have originally thought.

the sudden christianity mention is a pretty odd choice on akutami’s part but a lot of ppl (including me) are speculating that hana is going to be a harbinger of doom or something. once again is she even japanese?? the western concept of angels have never been particularly altruistic either.

unfortunately gojo has always been treating megumi like an adult so i don’t think he was ever given the “you are a child” talk from gojo. we can see it in their first meeting too. when their conversation takes a turn to serious, it becomes a conversation is from one adult to another. gojo also seems like the type to pile even more responsibility onto megumi because gojo isn’t responsible, so megumi had to pick up that slack.

i agree with you. i think sukuna is literally a wild card LMAO he does what he wants when he wants and that’s in. i don’t even think you can have a contingency plan for sukuna because he’s just that unpredictable!!!

nanami, qifrey and MAYBE reigen LSDNFKJFKN....reigen beats gojo by far though so i’ll give reigen that (that's not saying much tho tbh 😭) reigen's still sexy as hell tho 😁

also you mentioned khr!! khr is one of my favorite mangas of all time....although amano akira cannot write women despite being one khr still holds a very special place in my heart. i had no idea mukuro was influenced by kannon (to be fair i was like 14) but then again...mukuro’s eyes....i can’t believe our tastes in animanga are the same....bestie our taste>>>

HELLO???? YOU’RE RUNNING INTO SUPERNATURAL CREATURES LIKE THAT??? also motorcycles!! now im like 80% sure you're in SEA somewhere, bc as someone who lived in a SEA country for 3 years and went to school in a haunted building I feel you LMAO

[crossovershipstournament]

SIDE 1B: ROUND 2: Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III (How To Train Your Dragon)/Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians) VS Dib Membrane (Invader Zim)/Dipper Pines (Gravity Falls)

Propaganda for Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Jack Frost:

i dont personally ship them but i know there are people who still do (and i found out abt rise of the brave tangled dragons stuff when i was young but i never got into it) so i'm just submitting this for fun and bc it's kinda cute lol

Worried and uptight x Laidback prankster. They compliment each other so well!!! Jack helps Hiccup relax and not die of a heart attack from worring too much, and Hiccup makes Jack take things seriously when needed. Prep x Jock!!!! Sun x moon!!!! Blessed be the ships from Rise of the Brave Tangled Dragons (Rotbtd)

They're silly!! Hiccup's sarcasm and compassion pairs well with Jack's fun. That and Hiccup often tries to befriend everyone and Jack is incredibly lonely, they would be friends pretty quickly. Jack's whole origin involves the fact that nobody perceived or believed in him for a good 300 years before the events of the movie take place, but Hiccup if I remember correctly is pretty involved with folklore and legends and the like. He'd probably believe in Jack's existence which could lead to them meeting While Jack is kind of bitter in the beginning, we mostly just see him snarking the other spirits, since they're able to see him and just don't like him. The way he treats people and kids, however, is very different; he's all smiles and games even if they have no idea he's there! So I think Jack would be pretty friendly towards Hiccup, who had been previously bullied by literally everyone his age, which would be a VERY nice change of pace for him Idk. I think they would get along and maybe fall in love a little!!! They're just neat

#HIJACK SWEEP #HIJACK SWEEP

A VOTE FOR HIJACK IS A VOTE FOR THE PEOPLE

#hijack #HIJACKSWEEP #We have to make those two win

#vote hijack if you care about me at all

#i call upon the power of hijackians

#HIJACKSWEEP #HIJACKTHEWORLD #OURSHININGHIJACK

Propaganda for Dib Membrane/Dipper Pines:

They're weird. They're on that transgender grind. They've been emotionally scarred by aliens. They both have sisters and two male guardians who has eerily similar names (Stanley and Stanford/Membrane and Clembrane). They both need therapy. They can both get a little silly with it. I just think they both feel gaslit by everyone around them except those they're closest to (although Dipper finds himself vindicated by the end) and they could bond over those experiences.

#yo guys pLEASE vote for dib and dipper :3 they're my besties they NEED your help

#MY PSIONIC WARRIORS!!!!!!! VOTE FOR DIB/DIPPER NOW!!!!!!!!

Art Credit: Both pics by @/kannra-orhara

[chainsawcorazon]

it is late enough so i shall write....... tis my opinion but i dont see yami bein anybody father in the black bulls, and it rubs me wrong when he’s perceived as such cuz it reminds me of how people parentify leorio (and to some extent, kakashi) when he’s just bein nice, vs gintoki who IS a parental figure, but i digress, onto the meta.

yami reminds me of telenovela heroines, and all the other emotionally tortured types where dude just radiates “i dont know how to make frens so imma befriend everyone” energy. i think asta, noelle, and magna have a relation closest to “rowdy lil siblings” with yami, but besides that, i think everyone else in the black bulls is in some shape or form someone yami really desired to become friends with. we still dont have his backstory, but i can only imagine how tragic it was. he landed in clover illiterate to the land’s language and isolated off in his beach hut. someone like that would obviously have socialization issues. lettuce also not forget how easily julius bribed him aka heady empty, no thoughts.

when i remember how he promised henry a new life, i feel like part of the promise was also his. every member of the black bulls is yami’s choice in making a friend. technically it’s favoritsm, but pre-asta, it was a poorly managed team on PURPOSE. yami’s decision to open a frathouse might have been approved by julius, but the bulls are, ultimately, yami’s found family, the family HE founded and got together and made a part of his heart.

however, in no way shape or form did he establish a parental bond with a majority of the folks his brought in. i think it also serves to remember that parental bonds often dictate a power dynamic as well. he’s barely 30, and he chainsmokes in his bathroom most of the time, and while the squad is definitely devoted to him, i dont think the bonds are represented as parental as much as they are loyality. he gave them a home, and for that, they love and respect him.

but is he their pappy? tbh it just dont sit right with me, especially when you consider the whole vanessa conundrum with her being in love with him, and henry hangin out in the back as the all-knowing protector who strategically stayed in the shadows on purpose. one thing abt yami is that he keeps a healthy emotional distance from EVERYONE. daft as he might be towards charlotte’s feelings, i cant imagine he hasnt noticed vanessa drunkenly hitting on him, and i cant imagine he thinks someone like henry needs hand-holding when mans is finally able to control his life after having almost starved to death.

for yami, i believe all the bulls are a part of his soul, his found family, but i dont think he sees himself as a father-figure to nobody, not even asta. at best, he’s a mentor, at worst a passing ship in the night. it also begs to question - why the only nice colored man gotta be everybody pappy? i get men of clover kingdom are garbage, but just cuz acier’s husband aint raise noelle dont mean yami her pappy now. if anything, she the lil brat sis who he’ll guard with his life, but at the end of the day, her life is her own.

i forgot the point of this post but tl;dr: yami is not nobody daddy, asta has a pappy and that mans name is padre orsi, vanessa being in love with yami is valid and henry by pattern should also be in love with yami, magna/asta/noelle can be his lil siblings, but gauche/gordon/charmy are ABSOLUTELY the assholes he hangs out with on the roughest nights, and luck is a crackhead and his sometimes fight therapist

[unproduciblesmackdown]

merkleymrack replied to your post “kinda a funny shtick of mine that i’m aro and have such strong takes...”

(1)i agree with u 100%, i think love is hyped up so much, partially because people looove the narrative that love can save you in some way. whether that's saving you from evil, from your shitty environment, from mental illness, from sadness, or from yourself. and that is basically bullshit. "love" as a mystical force and chemical attraction between 2 people doesn't and can't do any of that. real relationships forged over time, based on trust and compromise and a fundamen-

2) tally optimistic outlook on life can help you deal with life, but that's not as snappy. and i think this ties in nicely with what you pointed out about love being perceived as isolating (in a positive way almost) by lots of people: it is because they are co-dependent and attracted to this toxic relationship because it feeds the narrative that "love" is all they need to be happy or to be saved. thats my hot take of the day

talk series criticizing Romahnce, every thursday at 6

for real though let me accuse capitalism some more for Not Great Ideas About Romantic Love b/c like!! that’s basically all you’re allowed to look for in terms of reliable companionship and Any kind of close relationship from your peers. b/c the Nuclear Family is the imposed social unit of choice b/c extended families don’t allow for enough isolation / cut-off support networks......you Outgrow the nuclear family you were born into, and then you’d better find your romantic partner asap to start the next generation nuclear family, because you’re not gonna get other support / community anywhere else, better enjoy having friends before everyone righteously pairs off and sees each other way less, because it’s Totally Fine to have all of your time -> energy -> identity -> existence consumed by just your roles as Parent and Spouse

not to mention like, whenever people of any relationship status are super overworked and like, especially with having unreliable / inconsistent schedules that don’t line up and needing to work a thousand hours a week to scrape by, people have less time to spend with each other and to foster those connections when they’re like always At Work or exhausted and recovering from work or, when they Do have some free time, it doesn’t like up with the free time of their friends’..........like hmm too bad there’s not One Person who is super devoted to Just You and can always make time and prioritize You, Alone.......

Life Under Capitalism is dehumanizing and alienates everyone from each other and doesn’t value life and commodifies anything that people might find adds Value To Their Life and like, our grievances and suffering is just Personal Problems that need to be fixed through our Personal Choices, b/c community is strangled off, isolation is pushed, and you need to Have Money or Die, and there’s the idea that the Way Things Are is flawed but ultimately okay and works out for good people............and it all brings it around to like, the idea that actually Finding Romance is *all* that life is about and is the one route to happiness. like, this concept is just casually trotted out in whatever media as blatantly as that, that “what’s even the point of being alive if you don’t find that Special Someone” and everyone just kinda goes “huh, yeah, that’s true...” like, it’s just Fine to accept that life is a hellscape and you’d want to die if it wasn’t for this one nice magical thing (your true love(tm))......like, maybe there’s a problem with that? we shouldn’t all just accept that life is unbearable but romance is the sole cure? and it’s not even really Anti-Capitalist when a holiday movie / any romcom is all like “this career person thinks that Love is for suckers and only making money is good, but then eventually their romantic interest shows them otherwise and they realize that said romance / a dash of Family is actually what Really matters” b/c it’s just like.......hey don’t be upset that you can’t actually Get Ahead under capitalism!! the people who are making more money than you are unhappy, i promise! it’s fine that you aren’t really succeeding Financially, b/c you have Love, so be happy with that and don’t think that there’s any systemic issue here.

anyways and like yeah of course it does probably seem to people like Romance is the only thing that can improve [insert any bad situation about their lives] because what even else is offered to people, seemingly, right......it’s like, first of all i hope you have a good relationship with your Nuclear Family, b/c they’re the only ones who will be Unconditionally There For You......but even if you do, it’s not like those people can be Everything in your life........and re: friends it’s like, well, i hope you’ve made super lasting friendships in high school and/or college, cuz after you enter The Working World good luck making new friendships!!! even if you do you’ll drift apart b/c nobody has time to nurture the relationship!!!! meanwhile of course everyone should be looking for romance, and hey, that will transform your life and enable you to endure all the other miserable everyday shit you go through, b/c the one person who matters cares about you. and they’d better b/c that’s the only really strong mutually supportive “unconditional” relationship you’re guaranteed! clearly!!!

like of course positive relationships of any kind tend to Improve Someone’s Life......of course isolation makes everything worse for anyone......it’s not like a good romantic relationship SHOULDN’T improve stuff for people, but like, no way should it be the case that romance is the ONE THING available and it better fix fuckin Everything or else you’re on your own when it comes to dealing with those problems that Aren’t improved and if you can’t deal with it on your own you’re fucked, cuz it’s romance or nothing!!!! it would be totally convenient to like, be deeply in love asap and have that make everything amazing and hopefully it’s ur life partner so that you don’t have to worry about Struggling On Your Own like..........a romantic relationship is really all that looks to be on the table according to the Life Narrative that’s pushed really hard. and defining that romance as “this person will always be there for you for Anything and you’ll always be there for them and you’ll always be happy as long as you’re With Each Other” is really Something when life under capitalism guarantees no happiness nor for anyone to be there for you or care about you or help you otherwise

like yeah Friends are nice but they’re kind of sold as the nice optional bonus, or like, they’re there for you but you don’t have to be there for them, low maintenance ideally, and if they drift away when you don’t spend time on them or support them then that’s fine as long as you’ve got that romantic partner b/c that’s how romance is so often defined, as being More than any other relationship, like, hey i don’t Need anything else, i don’t Need anyone else, it’s fine if i only have you, for some reason we gotta view relationships as Tiered and know which one’s you’d consider disposable if you put them all through a winner-take-all tournament bracket.......brilliant approach which is totally fine if the agenda is “give people One Good Relationship with One person which must fulfill their existence and fix everything lacking” like ok

i mean there it alll comes back around to going “augh jesus christ” at Isolation packaged as romance where it’s like “[as long as Romance] it’s fine if i die, it’s fine if i don’t have anyone or anything else, it’s fine if we never engage with the world or talk to anyone else again”.......like fuck!!!! this is horrible!!!!!! god!!!!!! Isolation is Bad gang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and abuse overlaps sooooo hard with isolation, and you’ve got that deliberately isolating tactic that abusive partners pull that like, you can’t spend time with family and friends, it’s me vs. them, and you should always be prioritizing More Time With Me and be perfectly happy with *Only* our relationship or you don’t *really* love me..........but then this same sort of Concept will be just be touted as Ideal Romance as long as both people are cool with it lol!!! like, i don’t even Want to be around or think about anyone else, this one person is my whole Life And World, other loved ones who????? it’s Just Us now and hopefully forever, #sweet

like it’s pretty Effed Up that people have to feel like there’s only one way to expect someone to ever be at all devoted to them or really care about / understand / support them and that’s through having a Current Great Romantic Relationship, which must and should be *everything*..........like, everything i think abt “this idea about romance seems awful” is about like........romance shouldn’t be this way for even people who currently have that kind of relationship, and it should Always Be Fine to be single, even if you want / hope for a romantic relationship.........i’m keenly aware that snagging a Romantic Relationship seems like the only way to have someone committed to being On Your Side and paying attention to your existence every day. but really of course that shouldn’t be the case......and when a romance IS had, why is it worse to have a grounded view of it like, when people compare it moreso to friendships rather than to being some kind of magical bond which effortlessly yields Everything You Need In Life, so now you don’t have to care about anything or anybody else

sounds mean or Cold or whatever to be like well the way i see it is that “romance is unnecessary” but i mean, first off it is, you don’t Need it and some people don’t want it. but imo it’s not Bad to see it as just like, a sick bonus, a really awesome thing if you want it and it happens, but like, of course life isn’t Worthless or Ruined if someone who Wants a partner is single / becomes single. like, ideally Being Single regardless of whether you want that to be permanent or not should actually be enough on its own for anyone to be happy!! nobody should Need to have a partner to be happy / feel like their life is okay the way it is. like, is it not actually more ~romantic~ or whatever to feel like okay, i would be fine and happy with being single, but i would rather be with this other person because i Want to be, but i don’t Need this relationship to be okay. vs. the whole like i *need* this relationship type “that’s the puppetmaster who cursed my dick” approach where it’s like, god believe me this isn’t my idea but i MUST be with you, i’m miserable without you so i basically have no choice, this is like, the universe holding me at gunpoint. why not have choosing to be with someone just like “yeah i prefer this to Not being with you and i think it improves my life overall” without anyone having to feel like it’s their only option for happiness

anyways i really can’t imagine the concept of like, a Romance just absolutely cutting down all these other aspects of your life b/c you don’t care about / Need that shit anymore being an at-all pleasant or appealing concept versus like, it just being its own positive relationship that enhances everything and Doesn’t become your sole source for so much shit like validation and commitment and intimacy and support / help and companionship and etc etc etc etc etc etc

i’m sure this isn’t the only tangent i forgot to throw in somewhere else but everyone knows my “'teen angst’ is largely comprised of anticapitalist sentiment in the face of the hellscape and cognitive dissonance of adult life under capitalism and YA media deals with this and the struggle to find genuine connection and value in everyday existence" takes, well, it’s kinda wild how it’s basically a requirement for any YA work to have a thread of Romance running central to the whole thing. not like that doesn’t happen in other Genres, and not like some works don’t lean into that way harder than others, and not like every main char Ends Up with the/a love interest at the end, but it’s like, jeez. imo supports my idea that romance is Supposed to be *the* panacea for the ailments of capitalism

[imadethisatage11]

Live-blogging my reaction to Spiral: from the book of saw

Spoilers under the cut

TL;DR: my overall review is that it was good but I’m going to go watch DPS to cleanse me

- ok so that woman got robbed and for what

- I had to pause to find out who this detective’s actor was Bc it was driving me nuts and it’s MCMURRAY FROM LETTERKENNY???

- love that they’re gonna fuck up this train conductors day lmao

- LOVE genuinely that we’re back to looking gritty and having an old tv play the video and having some rapid cut camera work early 2000’s vibes I embrace you

- why does the voice sound like that,, I wasn’t expecting John but why is it so non threatening now it’s literally just Some Guy™️

- I am glad I paid $15 to listen to Chris Rock talk about Forrest Gump. Worth my money and I mean it genuinely I love Chris Rock he’s great. Stream Everybody Hates Chris on Hulu

- “Z?” Zeke who just had his cover blown: this MF

- “do I look like a fucking Jamaican nanny?!” I- 😀🤚🏽

- ayo Max Minghella

- Chris Rock falling just short of being convincingly aggressively cynical Bc he is Chris Rock with the voice of Chris Rock

- it sounds like he’s setting up jokes that don’t have punchlines and instead they’re just like,, mediocre cynic cop dialogue

- while looking at some pretty fucking intact teeth: this bum is gonna be pretty hard to ID

- I mean I guess the homeless don’t have dental records but were you not even gonna try?

- I’m very pleased Chris Rock put on gloves before handling the strange package I love actually smart character choices that would make sense for them to make

- I.e. the cop knows how to properly handle unexpected unmarked packages delivered to the precinct

- “I thought the jigsaw killer was dead” “well if it’s another copy cat…” another wait is that referring to Logan (which Logan pinned on the other coincidentally crooked cop whose name I’ve forgotten) does that imply Logan only did like? The one trap? And hasn’t been active? Just waited ten years after John died recreates the one trap he was in and then stops?? I mean don’t get me wrong if movie wants to ignore Jigsaw (2017)’s existence I’m game but like what

- also why do the packages look like they’re wrapped in Tiffany boxes lmao

- oh yay they did run dental

- Chris Rock is an asshole but they should go with protocol if that’s what they’re doing

- ordering a man mid piss out of the men’s room to yell at Zeke

- does conflict of interest matter when the whole precinct knows the victim?

- uncomfortable stand-offs with your ex while at the home of a grieving friend

- Samuel L Jackson!

- “I could’ve killed you!” “What are you talking about, I have the gun!” *SLJ pulls a gun out* “I could’ve killed you”

- daddy issues

- “you think this is linked to John Kramer?” Bruh you think it’s NOT??

- ik this is SO far fetched but I rlly hope this movie tells us wtf happened to Dr Gordon. I’m sure it won’t but a girl can dream

- “should we tell Zeke?” “Fuck him” I get you guys don’t like to work w him Bc he’s an ass but like. You’re just not doing your jobs now you’re just proving he’s right that you’re untrustworthy

- splitting up and not telling ppl where you’re going is the number one way to get kidnapped or murdered but way to go cop instincts

- what is this Chinese finger trap ass shit

- love the blue tones tho very Saw

- all it needs is to become uncomfortably green

- fun fact I actually watched the first saw w my friend who is red green color blind and he said it looked AWFUL and I was like oh yeah everything is blue tinted like twilight blue tint and later it’s green just FYI (he thought that made significantly more sense than whatever shit ass color palette he was perceiving)

- being mad at your son for turning in a dirty cop Bc now you’ll have to mess with internal affairs

- and then assaulting someone??? SLJ is an even worse asshole lmao

- another Tiffany box bound in twine maybe it’ll be one of those cheesy diamond heart necklaces

- HELLO what is that ugly ass pig puppet

- also the voice is so stilted did the killer use fuckin text to speech so they couldn’t unscramble the voice like they did to Hoffman?

- cops finding dead pigs, a little on the nose

- oh so this dude has a history of “fuck it” ok well screw that guy then

- SLJ deserves to be pissed at that cop for letting Zeke get shot but like what an unhinged man he threatened to kill him and then actually assaulted him HOW did he EVER get in charge to begin with

- ok wait is Zeke actually the only decent cop (inc his dad but maybe excluding the newbie)

- that is a truly gruesome way to lose fingers tho I must say but he deserves that shit

- wait did the trap not go fast enough or was there a way for him to do that faster and I missed it

- like should he not have hesitated Bc there was a time limit or was it just rigged

- cuz the machine had to pull them off he couldn’t just cut them quickly

- so are they just gonna leave broken leg Dude there or

- also just now I tried to talk abt this movie (so far) vs Jigsaw (2017) to my mom and I got too excited and referenced some character names she didn’t know and she shut me down and said she didn’t care 😀

- live-blogging to my, like, five followers that compromise one one (1) person that knows me IRL, one (1) Sawtual, and a handful of ppl only here for my main DPS content to fill the void of emotional parental neglect. What a great website

- oh no did the rookie die :( he was actually sweet

- I feel like he was too important to kill offscreen tho

- like they’re TELLING us he .. was skinned.. but was he REALLY

- Chris Rock having a revelation: AH FUCK

- everyone else at the crime scene: ….

- favorite thing abt movies that were already gonna be rated R is when they’re like “well if we’re already at R we might as well say fuck”

- she has to SEVER HER SPINAL CORD? Why was she deemed the biggest asshole

- also how on earth was this trap portable it IS in their basement right

- transporting the hot wax is just what gets me

- Chris Rock rn: are you tired of being nice? Don’t you just wanna go apeshit?

- was this abt his dad the whole time???

- does it count as live blogging when I do one big post instead of several small ones lol I just want it to be avoidable for ppl who are just here for Dead Poets Society

- man’s fully abt to cut his arm off like barely even hesitated long enough to notice the bobby pin he could pick the lock with

- there’s a body here suspended

- not hanging mind you

- but covered and suspended

- and I bet it’s the newbie

- ah damn it’s Pete that’s disappointing

- it’s possible the trailers just made him seem more important than he was

- why are they punishing Zeke for reporting a dirty cop and having his career accordingly ruined like he did the right thing and already suffered for it? This killer doesn’t like crooked cops?? Why does Zeke have to be tortured by hearing this dude die like that’s what they want isn’t it?

- I think it’s too late pal

- the glass trap was pretty fucking cool though

- I KNEW HE WAS ALIVE

- I didn’t think he was a MURDERER but I KNEW he was alive

- OH SHIT THE DIRTY COP ZEKE TURNED IN KILLED NEWBIE’S DAD??

- I’m terrible at guessing endings but it makes viewing more fun

- honestly,, do it Chris Rock ACAB

- “you want me to kill cops?” “No, fuck no, just the bad ones”

- what a fun villain though

- I have no idea what the Ultimate Game Plan™️ is here though is he gonna make him kill his dad? I mean his dad does suck but making a dude KILL his DAD? That is a tall order Max Minghella

- ok but literally why wouldn’t you listen to him here shoot the target??

- ANGIE! It WaS aNgIe

- killing this man is not correct justice anyway Zeke

- shot the target! Good man

- groovy of them to play the Hello Zepp soundtrack rn

- oh shit what’s going on SLJ knows what it is

- oh.. w o w. Brutal way to go. Very heavy handed imagery

- and that’s all I guess who the fuck knows what’s up w Doctor Gordon

- and I guess Max Minghella is just gonna get away now but tbh Chris Rock only seemed truly mad at him for involving his dad

- nice rap remix to the OG Hello Zepp score very cool credits music

[murderedfowl-blog]

ok y’all remember how like two days ago i was cryin in the Least Formal manner abt henry’s coping mechanisms & childish nature well here’s a proper(TM) hc post abt it strap in m’dudes here we go i don’t promise it’ll make sense but y’know i will Try

first  &  foremost , i wanna point out specific traits that henry possesses and then i’ll like... go into depth abt them or whatever but alrighty :

01.  finding jokes  /  amusement in everything , even if it is not appropriate to do so 02.  a desire to please   /  obey based on a perceived reward system ,        even if that reward is simply an absence of punishment  03.  a fear of pain despite desiring death  (  &  an exciting death at that  ) 04.  the idea of ‘ power ’ vs ‘ weakness ’  /  a closer look @ certain fears

k so here we go . . .   first off , if we look at henry’s childhood it was not a happy place.  the closest thing they had to positive companionship was animals , the love of other human beings a foreign affair from their earliest memories. even prior to the institution , things were not good  &  i imagine , that like most children , henry tried very hard  (  at first  )  to gain their parents’ love  &  affections  (  there’s some quote that goes like . . .  ‘ mother  /  parents are god in the eyes of a child ’  &  i think that held true for some length of time ??   they v much wanted to please these beings who brought them into the world bc they were , despite it all , very precious to henry  )  via being a ‘ good child ’ i.e. trying to do as told , regardless of what it was.  while i don’t believe their parents simply dumped them in the woods  (  the translations from jpn supports seem to suggest they did ‘ raise ’ them  )  i do believe they were heavily neglectful , most likely not people who wanted a child at all but got stuck with one nonetheless.  there was nothing henry could have done to make their parents fond of them , but ?? that is not a concept they will recognize until later. 

so with that said , from that henry started to learn this idea of ‘ people pleasing ’ that they address a few times  (  the most prominent ones that come to mind are their comment about ‘ if you don’t trust me , you can just kill me ’  &  some comment that is made to robin about how the only order they won’t obey is ‘ don’t fight ’ , but i’ll address that a bit later on  )  and the concept that they didn’t matter particularly , just the whims of those around them , something that was further expanded upon in the institution they were sent to.

from what henry says , we can assume it was not just an orphanage or place to house ‘ unruly ’ children.  they mention spikes being on the floor  &  in a conversation with olivia they state ‘ It was in this institution my parents put me in, right~ there were quite severe punishments for kids who didn't listen -- that kind of stuff happened~ Now that was painful~ ’ which i am positive instilled in them a sense of obedience , further than that which their parents began.  if you acted out , if you failed to do as told , if you fucked up in any capacity , you were subjected to extreme pain  &  near death experiences  (  & frankly , i’m sure henry did watch some kids die while they were there ; accidents happen  &  no one seemed to care very much for these kids  )  and henry has , without a doubt , been subjected to such pain themselves.  which is where this idea of pain = bad  , death = good likely begins to stem from as well ; pain is a prolonged thing , a very bad thing , a sign that you had done something wrong  &  it could hurt for very long periods of time , whereas death , they began to see , was instant release.  to some degree , they were likely jealous of the kids that died , because at least then those kids were no longer suffering , never having to feel pain again. from this whole experience a lot of shit stemmed , not just that.

beyond just this concept of pain is bad , death is good , & a need to do as told , they were forced to normalize certain things at a very young age , those things being death , murder , blood , violence , pain , punishment . . .  etc , etc. essentially , very bad things.  being a kid , ‘ normalizing ’ them meant . . .  not making them a ‘ comfort ’ per-se , but making them familiar in a way that wasn’t negative.  to fear or hate them would have been too much for them to handle , so it had to become a game or an ‘ okay thing ’  &  as such , henry’s fascination with war  /  blood  / death became a coping mechanism , finding familiarity in such things as it was all they ever really knew and were unable to think of it was ‘ bad ’  (  on some level they are , of course , aware that it is not.  a good thing.  but to face that prospect is to face a lot of other shit that a child simply wasn’t prepared to do  &  that now , as an adult , henry is somewhat incapable of doing at present time bc their mind sort of ... stuck ??? them ??? in a child - like state because maturing was too difficult in the given environment  )  and to a child if something isn’t bad then it must be good  ---  right ?  thus comes the commentary of ‘ i love war ’  &  a general chill attitude toward really morbid shit.  but , beyond that , i think what they really appreciate is that they have this very familiar situation and where they are currently , they are not a victim of it. which brings me to point 04. 

henry is not sadistic , in the sense that they do not find joy in the suffering of others  &  even go so far as to promise quick  &  painless deaths to people important to them b/c they understand that pain is a terrifying , awful thing.  however.  they do enjoy being in a position where they are ‘ powerful ’ i.e. in a position where they can inflict these situations vs. having to merely take them , though i think they vastly prefer like . . .  giving quick deaths vs. painful ones , when they are on the battle field.

essentially henry is a scared child  (  ‘ child ’ they’re an adult but y’know. childlike mentality.  )  who doesn’t want to be hurt anymore but only recognizes carnage as a ‘ norm ’  &  takes comfort in the fact that they now have a position in it wherein they may die , but they’re not a victim.  they feel safer in this familiar environment , the way things are now.  fear , i think , is a big motivator for them and they see a lot of things in a  . . .  not necessarily ‘ black and white ’ sort of sense , but a.  ‘ if this is a thing then x isn’t ’ sort of ?? way ??  and there are exceptions and henry is capable of having in depth conversations abt it but like . . .  they don’t want to lmao ?? not if ur gonna argue w/ them.  so there’s that.

but that also brings me back to the ‘ don’t tell me not to fight ’ point from earlier.  what i personally take that to mean is like . . .  ‘ dont tell me to sit back and be hurt  /  let someone be hurt ’  bc that is , in a way , playing the victim again.  being powerless in this sort of a situation.  while henry is a very submissive person , they desperately don’t want to be hurt or put a helpless situation ever again.  there’s a difference between people pleasing and letting yourself be put into a place where you’re actively suffering  &  can’t do anything about it.

oh yeah also henry is aware they’re coping lmao ,,, they know they use laughter and smiles and childlike behavior and the normalization of fucked up shit to get by , they know it’s not.  actually ok. as seen in one of the convos they have w/ ... owain or inigo idr which rn but it’s one of them.  so they’re capable of mature convos. abt this sort of shit but they : ) don’t like to have them : ) as much as they love oversharing that’s the sort of stuff u gotta like... fish out of them  &  they gotta be close to you before you get to the bottom of that can of worms so.

anyway i’m not sure this post had much of a point and it’s a bit all over the place and maybe unclear in some spots but this is how i chose 2 spend a solid hour of my life so here we are...