#about feelings

[romangoldendreams]

my only truth,that´s what nobody can see.

It's not a diary, it's…I don't know what to call it. In my profession, any note is nothing more than that, a reminder that you have to do something.

All those idiots out there who think they know my misery have no idea.

Yes, I will never walk with one arm tied behind my back. But they don't understand anything at all. They think they know me, and they take thousands of photos of me a day, but the more images of me they have, the more they lose their sense of reality.

Because reality wouldn't sell, because the bitter truth is that whoever they call my true love is not.

Because love is no more real than we would like to believe.

They just wonder if I sleep with men, or with women, that's the only thing they think about. At least they don't hide it…I hear them, and I don't answer them. why do it?

It doesn't make sense, because whatever I say will be what they believe.

They ask me about her , Pier… they call her the love of my life, I'm bitter without her.

According to them, my last name is not Dean but Montesco, and she is Anna Maria Pierangeli, but Pierangeli Capulet.

She only gives them the head for that… and nothing will change this fact, even if I die tomorrow.

Isa tells me to shut up, to let it happen. But damn! Even when?

I am nothing they say, I am just myself living my life.

I'm so drowning in pain because Pier abandoned me that I can't even breathe, I have Marlon Brando waiting for me in my bed every night, I watch the Vampyra show, that crazy girl whose name I don't even remember or when I met her… I even that I met Miss. Monroe, the most beautiful woman in America…they make up so many things that I don't even have time to laugh or cry.

When they send me those shitty magazines I just burn them.

Yes, with my cigarette, by myself, in my underwear.

I'm sorry, Marlon. Tonight it happened, you won´t be my lover anymore, gosh, this cup of milk is shit. again, i will come back.

My true love…that's what all teenage girls want to know.

Well, love is nothing more than friendship. It's being at home, it's feeling like someone is listening to you, without stopping to see if they have a vagina or penis.

I know lust, I know sex.

But that tickling that has entered me from my back to my heart, and that made me spend all day with my friend, and on occasions, embarrassing more than regrettable, sticking my body to hers so that it was more than a simple friendship …what is that? I only know that I felt it, and that I was happy with what she gave me.

They say I met true love with a girl who ran off with someone else. And that my heart cried tears of blood, that I was there on her wedding day with my motorcycle.

I have been?

Oh shit. Maybe yes.

But I only know that I suffered with her. My true love broke my heart they say, but more than anything my dignity, but not with my friend.

With my friend I was happy every moment of my life. Because for hours at work, and even outside of it, she was there for me. She never got tired of waiting for me.

She was more than just a friend, she was a mother…maybe she was a lover. I close my eyes and I can imagine it.

I only know that I look into her eyes and I drown, I drown… I have no desire to touch even a hair on her head, and I am already his.

My friend, shit. I love you because you love me, and not even I can write here what I feel about our friendship.

Only without her i would have been dead a long time ago.

Damn I'm not good with words, I never have been.

But you fill me with joy. It is the plenitude that you have given me. I don't care if it's love or friendship. I know what I need, and what you give me.

Jimmy….tells me oh, how she does it!

Jimmy boy tells me when we are… well when she has me naked next to her.

Everyone talks about me. But for once I do it.

When we left each other's cigarettes after filming today, I knew we were going to do it. The ballet.

That we would commit the madness of our exercises.

I've only seen her naked once. But I didn't need more.

Because I haven't had a happy moment with my friend, they all are, that's why I know they are golden. That all of the above is nothing more than a shadow or something like that. I don't know how to say it to make it elegant. I'm not a writer.

She gave me her words, her conversation, she listened to my confessions, she gave me all her support knowing that I am what I am. Just a miserable wretch who does what he really wants. A great painter, a frustated pianist.

Yes, I have a lot of money, I told her

"Oh Jimmy boy and I have more than you," she told me, "you're a bastard when you talk about money, but i love when you speak about your matador skills."

Together we laughed, all our conversations sounds like that. My friend lets me go back to childhood. She takes care of me and gives me ideas, she plays with me.

​she invites me to all the places where she´s with her husband and kids. she does not care if i bother them, and i don´t care at all neither, because i´m not there for her family, but for her.

If only they wanted to know everything about me…they would only have to see me with my friend.

And they look at us, over and over again but they don't realize anything.

Shit, being an actor is like stopping being you.

They know everything about your character in the movie and your supposed self, but not about yourself in truth.

My friend warned me. And I believed her.

I'm not talking about Brando anymore. I no longer compare myself to another.

"You're magnificent Jimmy," my friend tells me, "if you believed me, you wouldn't worry, it would just be you."

We talked about everything, the other day we talked about the universe.

I brought a telescope to the set and at night we saw the stars. Everything is so desert…and we gave them names, insults and demons.

We dedicate them to those scavengers who call me Romeo.

Blind, blind, blind.

My friend and I synchronized.

I wait for her in her sleep, and when I sleep, she waits for me.

I never had this with anyone. Not even with my parents. Only when my mother let me sleep in the tent, but she only looked out to see me in the garden, I, afraid, ran to the house.

My mother laughed, but not like my friend.

My friend tells me that I am everything to my father too, I believe her, because when I hear her voice I can't escape it, I can only say yes.

Before meeting her I didn't know what friendship really was, nor what true love meant.

Let those stupid people say, let them write.

Love is nothing more than being at home, with your only family, and your home can be where that person who has proven to give you everything you need is.

Mine was the set of "Giant" with our creepy director. Damned.

But I respect him because she asked me to.

I apologized, I would do anything for her.

My only consolation, I don't believe in God, but I would pray for her to always be there for me. And I know she will be.

That if something separated us we would see each other again. Because I was born to be her friend, I was born so that she loves me in the way she prefers, in the way she can…

Nothing can make me give my friendship again to another woman as I did with her, or to any man. Not even my love wrapped in that friendship, damn it, love is nothing more than a sick man wrapped in the blankets of her bed.

In the friendship.

i knew about human feeling with her. and when i say all, i mean ALL. NOT ONE left without be touched for us.

She´s inside me, she´s me. Damn, even i keep her things now, a lipstick, her cigarettes,and more, she will kill me.

Your company, your company…I fear death. I was once banned from having racing cars and motorcycles for fear of losing their fucking million dollars, but if she knew herself… that I'm more afraid of dying for losing her friendship than for money or going to hell. .

I love you, my friend. But you know it. You know everything about me. Inside and out.

Even if i am the Romeo of a bitch with no personality.

Your Jimmy Boy (1955)

[one-day-i-will-figure-it-out]

I just had a few people over. We had fun, it was nice, I didn’t feel ignored, they noticed when I tried to say something, they didn’t forget me even though some of them have just met me, they all talked with me and I was engaged in the conversation and playing games but somehow by the end of it I started dissociating and felt disconnected from all of it and empty and…

And I think there’s something wrong with me. Cause that’s what I wanted. To be part of the group and to be the hostess that people enjoy visiting and based on what they said they did enjoy being at my place so I got what I wanted so why am I not happy? Why do I feel like crying since the second they left? They welcomed me to their group even though they’ve known each other for a long time and I’ve known only a few of them before today but they didn’t exclude me and it was lovely and I really liked them all so why, why instead of being over the moon about this group and all the fun we had I feel like crying my eyes out and feel so awful and need to escape the reality? Why when the reality was so good?

[billskaarsgard]

Andrew Garfield talks to Elmo about grief and the passing of his mother

[wynsvre]

hi this is a comic about me please be nice

[fieldlands]

i feel like it's absolutely crucial in the social justice world to take "he a little confused but he got the spirit" and similar sentiments/situations as a Win. intent is so much more important than saying it right the first time! if someone is approaching with scuffed language and incorrect terms but they're visibly being as polite as they know how, that person is a friend and should be treated better than what their words might invite in someone else's mouth.

[dionysus-complex]

funniest Kamala Harris VP picks go

[shrubsparrow]

It's in the eye of the beholder

[robyn-i-guess]

liking someone platonically is so embarrassing like. yeah i admire you. yeah i think about you all the time. yeah i look forward to every time i see you even if it's only for a minute. yeah it's all platonic and yeah i couldn't explain this because it'd sound romantic. fucking hell

[vamprisms]

i feel like a lot of the 'i hate kids' crowd would be more tolerant if they understood that due to a kid's limited experience of the world that 4 hour flight might just be the longest they've ever had to sit still for or that trapped finger might literally be the most pain they've ever felt in their short life or they might not have ever seen a person with pink hair ever so of course they want to touch it or nobody's told them yet that they can't run around the museum and they only just learned cheetahs are the fastest animals so of course they want to put that to the test. how were they supposed to know etc etc.

[stimmingandstruggling]

more good news from tiktok: they’ve started blocking celebrities.

they’re calling it block party 2024. just blocking and ignoring countless celebrities who havent said shit about palestine. influencers, actors, anyone who went to the met gala, whatever, they’re getting blocked. and people keep talking about how cathartic it is, how good it feels, how they never realized they could DO that. there was some kind of subconscious law against blocking famous people, but it’s broken, and people are LOVING it. and it’s WORKING. a social media/digital advertising coordinator was talking about how ad companies are PANICKING, because they can’t accurately target anymore. so many big influencers, including fucking LIZZO started talking about palestine the MOMENT their follower counts started going down. and the best part? no one is forgiving them. lizzo posted a tiktok asking people to donate to palestinian families, and all the comments just said you’re a multimillionaire. put your money where your mouth is. blocked.

i feel like i’m witnessing the downfall of celebrity culture, right here right now. people are waking up.

[brawnie]

*grabbing mlm shippers by the shoulders* guys nobody needs to be the twink. nobody needs to be the sub. nobody needs to be the femboy. they can both be big fat hairy men who bask in each others masculinity or they can both be unspeakable monstrous creatures with inhuman genitalia it’s okay I’m holding your hand. Let me show you the way

[unsung-idiot]

don't show him modern technology; it won't end well

bonus under the cut:

[rafeandonlyrafe]

well 🧍‍♀️ as a reminder this blog is NOT a safe space for trump supporters but it IS a safe place for women, queers, trans ppl, people of color, undocumented people, and any marginalized group.

[goldensunset]

advice i think we should tell children is that when adults say stuff like ‘now that i’m an adult i get really excited about stuff like coffee tables and bathrooms and rugs etc’ they don’t mean ‘and now i don’t care about blorbo and squimbus from my childhood tv shows anymore’ bc your average adult still loves all the same pop culture stuff they always did; they just have a greater appreciation for the mundane as well. growing up just means you can enjoy life twice as much now. you can get really excited about a new stuffed animal AND about a new kitchen sponge. peace and love

[flame-shadow]

hey did you know??? that if you stop stretching and maintaining mobility in your body then it goes away?? things get tight and you can't move the way that you used to??? and when you decide to try getting a stretch routine going that the first week fucking sucks because you keep going 'damn i used to be able to do this no problem' and then you have to switch gears and be kind to yourself and just focus on getting better from here instead of berating yourself for dropping the good habits in the first place??? and your body never stops aging so you gotta keep taking care of it and sometimes you gotta take care of it extra in certain areas because of things that happened when you were younger and it's boring and sometimes hurts but it's so necessary???

i am yelling this at myself right now i am going through An Experience (trying to get into a routine of body maintenance again for my physical and mental health)