#a whole ass storyline that could. were it better thought and planned out... totally be some sorta episode HJFfkkd i could see it man...

[coeurify]

I have no idea how this would fit into an storyline but I am a hoe for fake dating. Imagine fake dating with abby and it slowly becoming too real

UGH YOU GET ME FAKE DATING IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE TROPES!!

⋆˚✿˖° now, abby anderson had a problem. specifically a blonde, brown eyed loud mouthed man of a problem. owen fucking moore. she had broken up with him in the summer time, little explanation given to the ass of a boyfriend other than that she needed to “find herself.” (not that she needed to give any.)

⋆˚✿˖° but owen? oh owen didn’t accept that. so from the very moment abby had broken it off, to when the air began to smell like fall.. he pestered abby. asked for a reason, begged for another chance (despite HIM going around with damn near every girl on the WLF compound.)

⋆˚✿˖° things came to a head at a get together in one of abby and owen’s mutual friend’s apartment style quarters. mutual friend who also happened to be your roommate.

⋆˚✿˖° abby and owen fought all night, abby’s cheeks red from embarrassment and anger, eyebrows furrowed together. “why can’t you just take no for an answer owen?“ the cup in her hand crackled a bit under the pressure when the man scoffed. “because you never give me a real answer!” abby’s arms crossed at that, searching around the room. quickly, and maybe a little impulsively, she shrugged. “i’m into someone else now.”

⋆˚✿˖° owen just couldn’t accept that, his arms thrown around dramatically. “so you like another guy? that’s why you wont give me another chance? you know i can treat you better.” that sentence alone reminded abby just why she hated being with him so much, but again that fast moving brain of hers spoke before the thought could finish, finger pointing in the direction of the first person she found.. you. “it’s not a guy. it’s a girl. im not.. into your..” abby made a motion, “species anymore.” sure, it was sort of true. abby recently realized she probably had a thing for girls, but you particularly? she couldn’t count on her fingers the amount of conversations she had with. “i like her.”

⋆˚✿˖° you, who’s head poked up, mouth full of slightly stale chips, having heard the whole conversation. abby anderson, beautiful, funny, madeyouweakintheknees, abby anderson was into you? and not straight? surely not. you swallowed harshly, deciding to play into whatever game abby seemed to have set on the floor. you made your way over, an award winning smile on your face as owen’s mouth dropped open further than a damn infected. “You like her? as in girls?”

⋆˚✿˖° honestly, you probably caused more trouble when you stood near the two, “abs!” you grinned, “you forgot your jacket here.. cmere ill grab it for you.” and then your hand is wrapped around her tensed bicep, the stiffness likely caused by her pure shock you even played along. still, she used it as an out from the devil with blonde locks, shrugging almost apologetically at owen before letting you whisk her away.

⋆˚✿˖° and that night, after everyone but you and abby had stumbled out of the cramped room, which was still humid and heavy, you made the plan. with a pen that had little ink left, scratching against the water damaged pages of the notebook you tucked under your pillow, you wrote the words “project get rid of owen moore.” which ok, in retrospect sounded really bad. but you were a little tipsy.

⋆˚✿˖° the plan was easy. play the role of abby’s first girlfriend, convince owen she was totally not into him or men anymore. what did you get out of it? a spot on the top dog abby anderson’s patrol team. something you had been vying for this year. abby agreed, although a little hesitantly. she promised she had picked you only because its who her pointed finger found first. not any actual attraction. you swallowed down the hit to your ego that brought.

⋆˚✿˖° and honestly? the plan went on pretty steadily. you were a damn good fake girlfriend if you had to admit it, and abby didn’t hate being around you. in fact, she really enjoyed being around you. she enjoyed how easily your fingers reached down, tapping on her palm to fing a way to hold her hand whenever one of owen’s posey was around. she enjoyed how you leaned in whenever owen passed by, your lips on her ear, whispering anything you knew would have her smiling. a fake smile of course.

⋆˚✿˖° you two had some pretty strict rules. no kissing, no extreme touchiness, absolutely no spilling to anyone this was fake, and the most important.. no real feelings. you had come up with a backstory, one you two had studied together. (you two met in the training room after your roommate introduced you two and totally hit it off. abby got you a spot on her team next to her and manny, and feeling bloomed from there.) abby added in a few details she knew would piss owen off.. and you sealed your lips shut to follow the rules.

⋆˚✿˖° the first few weeks were easy. you liked spending time around abby. you enjoyed how she smiled, you laughed at all the jokes she cracked (for the fake dating points of course..), and you loved training with her. you had to ignore the shiver her hands on your shoulders or waist gave, knowing it was just to help your position. “you have to fix your stance if you plan on fighting scars..” abby huffed.

⋆˚✿˖° the problem started in october. a month and a half into your fake dating plan. tens of lunches spent alone together, a handful of new hair styles you begged to try on abby, and around 5 missions out of the base, in. there was a party, one you demanded the two of you go to one day as you lounged on abby’s bunk— watching as she cleaned up manny’s mess across the room. “if we dress up together, owen will totally finally get off your case,” you assured, bringing a loud sigh from the blonde. “oh my god.. fine.”

⋆˚✿˖° you went as a angel and devil, simple enough to easy stitch together some devil horns for yourself and an angel halo you found in an old broken down store in the city for abby. no way did you admit the trouble you went for to find it to abs, especially not as she easily pulled her shirt off in front of you, totally clueing you in to where the nickname came from as she shoved on the white teeshirt.

⋆˚✿˖° see, the no kissing rule was an important one, but vodka made everything seem less important, and owen was awfully loud that night, scoffing any time you smiled and leaned into your angel, head band tilting off your head, which abby fixed with a grin. “you two act more like friends than people fucking each other,” owen scoffed as he pressed by you two, the words pounding in abby’s ears over the loud mingling voices.

⋆˚✿˖° “kiss me,” abby called over the old cd that played on the speakers, her cheeks red with anger— blue eyes flicking around. “what?” you laughed, thinking back to rule number 1. “i know we said no— no kissing but i just.. oh my god just kiss me,” abby muttered, her large hands gripping your cheeks and pulling you in for a kiss, one she was sure owen was watching on to. one you melted into, sucking her lip in between yours.

⋆˚✿˖° that had been a breaking point, ragged breaths and heated necks as you pulled away. it lead to more excuses with less validity being used when the two of you stared at each other’s lips. stepping down the stairs of the base, eyes catching on someone who just looked like owen. “kiss me,” abby muttered quickly, and you wasted no time to turn your head and fill your nose with the scent of pine as you leaned in.

⋆˚✿˖° the no kissing rule crossed off right before the no touchiness one did, that one had been scribbled off completely when abby began pulling you into her lap in group functions, one soft hand rubbing up against your side as she whispered in your ear, “jus’ for show.”

⋆˚✿˖° just for show of course, but you screamed into your pillow for so long that night you almost thought the walls of your room would crumble down along with the barrier you put between you and the blonde.

⋆˚✿˖° kisses and touchiness turned to nights spent in abby’s room, mornings waking up and having abby’s shirt thrown at your face. “wear that, owen got it for me when we were dating.” sure, you probably should be ashamed to be wearing the clothes of a girl who didn’t like you, but the frown on owen’s face made it worth it.

⋆˚✿˖° that last rule, the one that didn’t have pen strokes over the letters, the one locked behind awkward coughs and side glances, well you weren’t sure who broke it first. you dont know why feelings came into play, but you sure do know it happened.

⋆˚✿˖° you felt it first when abby didn’t talk to you for a few days. you saw her across the stadium with nora, her head tilted back lightly in a laugh at something the other girl said. that was the first time you felt the needle sized ache in your heart, one that only ripped further when owen shoulder checked you on his way by, “better get your girl. she slips away easily.”

⋆˚✿˖° maybe that rule had been broken when abby stormed into your room, met with the sight of you on the couch with some other blonde girl, an old tape of a southern movie mid way through when anderson scoffed and demanded the girl get out. she did so in a hurry, scrambling for her sweatshirt as a frown grew on your lips. “abby what the fuck?” you scoff, watching her eyebrows unfurrow lightly. “you can’t have other girls over! it fucks with our plan,” she accused, though she stumbled lightly over the words. “she’s just a friend, abby.”

⋆˚✿˖° however, the night you sat in your bed, breath heavy and eyes stinging as you broke through the paper with the pen, scratching over the words “no real feelings,” that came in the end of november.

⋆˚✿˖° your head was pressed into abby’s shoulder, yawning and closing your eyes as the movie played on a big sheet, a biweekly occurrence in the WLF base. abby had pressed to your cheek, placing a kiss to it that had some sort of butterfly attack take fruition in your stomach. you two didn’t even know if owen or his friends were around, and they for sure were not the reason of abby’s hand linking into yours as you two walked toward her room later that night. you both seemed to realize that when you reached her door and she leaned forward just lightly, as if to kiss you.

⋆˚✿˖° she cleared her throat, licking over the lips you wanted to capture again. “i think-” she said suddenly, squeezing her eyes closed. “i think owen really believes it now.” you could feel your heart sinking to the empty stomach that laid below your chest, knowing what came next. “i think we should break up.” abby finished, quick to add, “fake break up.”

⋆˚✿˖° you nodded along silently to the story she built still standing in her doorway. miscommunication, arguments, differing plans, the whole shebang— anything to make the breakup believable. you agreed, but the moment her door shut, a half smile and thank you sitting on her lips as the door locked, you felt the tears prick your eyes.

⋆˚✿˖° you wiped quickly at the tears, your hand slapped over the aching chest you swore betrayed you. you sucked in shallow breaths, shaky hands finding your own door as your vision went blurry.

⋆˚✿˖° as your pen broke through the white sheet of paper, you cursed your own heart. you cursed it for being so easy to rip from your chest, presented on a platter for a blonde who only saw it as a fake replica. you threw the notebook across the floor, hand slapping over your mouth so your roommate wouldn’t wake as you sobbed into it. surely you had been the only one to break that rule, but that didn’t matter now.

⋆˚✿˖° but you were wrong. not that you could know that. a five minute walk away, abby breathed out slowly as her fingers scraped though the braid she was undoing, an odd stinging pricked at the corner of her lashes. she knew she did the right thing. she knew it as soon as her lips searched for your own at her doorway tonight. so why did it feel so bad? why did her hands tremble as she pulled out her blanket and climbed under it, squeezing her eyes shut.

⋆˚✿˖° if this was all fake, why did the break up feel so real?

[thestobingirlie]

You put it perfectly into words why Stranger Things gets weaker per season. I wish we could get longer season with spaced out plots and more focus on characters.

Like you're so right about the Russian storyline, I'll never not be annoyed with it. It would have been more satisfying if the Hawkins lab was behind it, especially bc it wouldn't make sense for Russians to be present in the US, I wish they would have cut it by s4.

But also the Jancy plotline in s2 felt like you said disingenuous. Like, I kinda loved the justice for Barb thing, but it did nothing for the overall plot. Jancy had the easy way out, like if they raised the stakes with Nancy being caught with the recorder and Jancy having a genuine discussion about Barb and grief, it would be better. Also, what they did was so dangerous, and tbh the consequences could have influenced the other groups. It would have also validated Steve's fear of the government if suddenly the lab goes around threatening people because of Jancy. Plus, we knew El was alive, Jancy didn't, why would they still want to go through after seeing the gate and vines. They put the entire town in danger, and the show should have addressed that. I mean, because they had 4 groups/storyline to tell the Duffers were shit on focusing really on each. They saw the ending before, so some stuff was just glossed over for convenience. And honestly, that bled through the following seasons as well. They have the end goal, but they miss the little details. We need longer seasons with more character development and less plot.

i wish i could say that i think longer seasons would save stranger things, but i honestly think the duffers would just shove in more useless plots. someone actually needs to stop them lmao

if they wanted to involve russians, it should’ve just been a lone spy, or a few at most. a whole ass invasion is just ludicrous. like, they seriously built a shopping mall with an entire bunker underneath and no one caught them??? season one has the government listening in on everyone’s phone calls, they make a fake body within a day! and they didn’t catch this whole team of russians apparently controlling local politics? even if the lab has moved, surely they’re keeping an eye on things. the duffers tried to retcon this by having owens fired for negligence, but it’s still dumb.

with jancy’s s2 plotline, i think it’s just not at all thought out. the justice for barb thing was absolutely just because of the unexpected audience reaction. so they shoved that plotline in… carelessly, i guess? they wanted it there, so they did it, even if it didn’t actually fit. nancy somehow doesn’t get caught with the recorder, and the local news picks up the story and the lab doesn’t just kill them all? and like you said, nancy and jonathan see the gate, see the way it’s growing and expanding, and don’t stop to think what the hell is gonna happen once the lab is gone? and i think jonathan especially shouldn’t have gone along with the plan, or at least resisted a little, because his little brother is getting treated in that lab!

i totally understand nancy needing justice, and wanting barb’s parents to know what happened to her, but the way it was written just didn’t work.

and i think you’re so right about the duffers having an ending first, and then just needing to get people there. no matter if it doesn’t make sense, or it’s bad writing. so long as they get those hero moments.

i will forever wish stranger things was character driven instead of plot driven, but this is the life we live <\3

[gnarxta]

NOT ME thinking about writing .. not one... but TWO star trek fics JFJDJSA

[suitsusboth]

Season 2 simultaneously makes happy and sad. Happy because I think I over all enjoy it for what it is, but it could have been so much better.

Highlights of my favourite scenes:

— Anthony’s interviews in episode one (hysterical)

— their first meeting in the park (cute and fun)

— Kate overhearing Anthony with his ‘friends’ on the terrace and handing him his ass (amazing — perfectly set up their conflict) (side note I loved that she went looking for him 🥺)

— shutting the door on Anthony’s face and smirking (peak comedy)

— fencing (I love sibling scenes!)

— the whole races scene

— Pall Mall and the Bee Scene

— the flashbacks (heart wrenching and so well acted!)

— Pretty much all of Daphne at Aubrey Hall

— the harmony ball (pure Bridgerton family fun!)

— the gazebo (though, I think it was weirdly edited and I will never get over it being outside where they could have been easily caught)

— the Featherington ball dance (literally makes me wanna cry)

— Anthony’s speech (literal perfection, the best thing I’ve heard, no notes)

The bad:

I think the writing was very clunky and not cohesive throughout the entire season. I think episode six really highlights this, but it’s all over for a lot of characters. The Bridgertons themselves also felt very off to me as well. I didn’t feel the family love and playfulness as much as I did season one. At points they were literally downright mean to Anthony for no reason. I think they were going for teasing but really missed the mark. I hope that is improved for the next season. (They we’re also downright oblivious? Violet and Benedict especially?)

I know they’ve started to market this as an ensemble show, which sure okay I can see the thought process, however — you have to promote the main leads and storyline better!!! Also…maybe have better subplots? I can’t really say I found any of the other characters stories this season particularly interesting. Lady Featherington’s one especially, Colin’s and Eloise’s. I mean I sort of understand what they were doing - they were setting up season 3 just as they did season 1 for Anthony. But it didn’t interest me as much (note I went into season 1 knowing nothing and not particularly loving Anthony at first but he grew on me!)

Kate felt very sidelined to me at points throughout the season I would have loved to have seen her more fleshed out and I think this ultimately comes down to the lack of the Sharma family set up. The dynamic was odd. To me, I didn’t see a loving and caring family.

I think they tried to get Kate to mirror Anthony a little too much by her taking on the at the time traditional masculine role. Realistically for the time, Kate marrying would have been the best way to secure her family’s safety. I understand they wanted to close the age gap (totally fine with that, the age gap between E + A creeps me out, same with any other big age gaps in the show/books). The backstory just didn’t make sense. I would have loved to have seen Mary be more of an active character, she was completely sidelined and basically made out to be a absent parent? Like she didn’t care that much about Kate at all and arguably Edwina too. She just sort of let everyone else do everything. I think if Mary knew about the Sheffield plan along with Kate would have been interesting. I understand keeping it from Edwina so she could find a match without this overhead pressure.

Finally…the Edwina of it all. I think they focused so much on Edwina not being a plot device she kind of was anyways? They really dumbed her down and while she had some lovely moments (the Penelope at the party, when she spoke to Anthony about her love of literature etc). I really thought for a while she would cotton on to what was happening (Aubrey Hall, the lake scene etc) but nope. The wedding was painful to watch for a variety of reasons (I think it’s my least favourite episode and should never have happened but hey that’s television) but this really started the decline of the character and that’s just down to poor writing. It honestly felt like they wrote that episode first and then tried to work around it and it just didn’t work. (I also want to say I think the actress did an amazing job with what she was given, my complaints are in no way directed towards her). The immediate shift of blame to Kate as odd to me too. I’ve seen it been said that Edwina is more upset with Kate because she loves her more but to me at least it was obvious Kate had feeling for Anthony during the bangle bit but for sure that Anthony had a thing for Kate. I don’t know that’s just my interpretation. And I’m not saying the justification for Edwina’s anger wasn’t there, I understand the reaction. There’s just somethings you can’t forgive coughcoughHALFSISTERcoughcough. Her also taking forever to decide to go through with it was weird to me too (personally would have called it off immediately but hey that’s me) and really dragged the episode out. Finally I remember watching Edwina’s big speech in chapel with K + A and the whole “you have lost your power” but I got so confused I had to replay the scene I couple of times because none of it made any sense??? tldr: episode six was a mess.

What I would have found more interesting for Edwina would have been her not enjoying the Diamond title and the Ton as much as she thought she would and realising maybe this life wasn’t actually what she wanted (also befriending Eloise and having intellectual conversations would have been cool!). Also…meeting a cute scholar would have been nice (justice for mr bagwell)

[supernaturallyobsessedchic]

You’re Not a Monster

Dean x Reader

a/n: I’m putting an authors note here because I don’t know how to tag the reader. She’s a werewolf shapeshifter. She shifts into a wolf like in all of my A/B/O fictions I’ve written. Basically it’s Twilight shit that I write my werewolves. XD Don’t mind me.

Bingo Masterlist

Mobile Masterlist

Warnings: STRONG ANGST, Language, SPN level gore and blood, scary situations, Fluff end to the rescue.

Summary: Dean discovers something different with the reader and it changes their relationship. Is there anything worth saving after Dean learns the truth.

Word Count: 2,609

Square: Quote A (“How about we put the gun down and let’s talk about this?”) @supernatural-jackles​. SPN Tell me a Story Bingo.

a/n#2: This is not part of the Finding Him storyline.

a/n #3: My dumb ass forgot to credit the creator of this gif, I space out and forget, I’m not dumb...but credit for the gif goes to @supernaturalfreewill​

~

“Shit.” She muttered, as she morphed back into her human form to find a very furious looking Dean looking back at her.

They were on a wendigo hunt, when a wendigo almost had a upper hand on Dean, she had morphed into her white wolf form to get out of a tight situation with another wendigo.

Wendigos, though fearless of their prey. But when they are the prey, it’s a whole other ballgame. They began to back off of the hunters. But Dean fired off two flare guns to kill the two wendigos before they got away.

“Dean, I can explain.”

He grabs his colt, loaded with silver bullets. Aiming it at her.

“Dean.” She begged.

“We talked about everything.” He shouted. “Whatever happened to that? When were you gonna tell me about this?”

“Well, how about we put the gun down and let’s talk about this?” she suggested with a shaky voice.

“Talk, now.” He demanded. Ignoring her suggestion. Keeping his gun up and pointed at her.

“Well, my mom was human, and my dad was a werewolf. I don’t know what else to really say.”

“You fucking morphed into a giant ass wolf!”

“I’m not that big honestly.”

“Y/N!”

“Half Breads like me are smaller than the pure breeds. And a certain gene causes the morphing. Most werewolves don’t morph, you just see the fangs and the claws. My kind morph.”

“Now answer the second question.”

She swallowed thickly. Still nervous and scared of the man she’s trusted and loved for years.

“I was never going to mention it to you because I was scared of this. I’m still scared of you finding out somehow some way, and killing me in my sleep.”

For the first time in the night, she saw her flash across the older Winchester’s face.

Faint foot falls can be heard, Sam entered the cave room where they stood. Sam seeing Dean aiming a gun at Y/N.

“Dean, what are you doing?” Sam shouted at the scene.

“She’s a monster, Sam. And she’s lied to us, all this time, she’s lied to us!” he shouted.

“That’s not true, Y/N, tell him.”

“What can I tell him?”

“Dean, do you count how many times she’s had our backs?” Sam asked. “There was that werewolf case in Minnesota when the pack leader cut you up pretty badly. She murdered that son of a bitch and saved your ass. And then there was that witch in Mississippi, the witch turned you into wolf, we couldn’t move you around the city like a normal dog because people knew a wolf from a husky. She managed to find the counter spell, turn you back to human. Then there was that ---”

“I get it Sam, but she could have told me she was part fucking wolf!”

“She had all that time still, all that time to kill us and she didn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter Sammy.” He says, lowering his gun looking at her with disgust. “I can’t trust her.” He says to her.

“Dean please!” she begged tearfully.

“Don’t.” he snapped.

She snapped her jaw shut and she just let her tears fall freely.

“Find your own way back to the bunker, I expect you to be out before morning.”

They stood in the cave room in dead silence despite Y/N’s sniffles from her tears.

“Don’t ever come back.” He warns.

He holsters his gun, and turns to walk out of the cave. Sam couldn’t say anything to Y/N to make her feel better before she silently walked out not far behind his brother.

 One year turned into three, the Winchester’s and Y/N stayed apart but still kept up on hunting. That is until one hunt brought them together again.

It started with hearts being ripped out of college students in the Navajo desert.

Y/N was the first to investigate, one of the students place of death was just outside of an old reservation, a cave dwelling in northern Arizona.

Odd, I smell wolf, but I smell something else. She thought.

She heard a screech from a monster inside the cave dwelling.

Not wolf, wendigo. She panicked. Realizing she was unprepared.

The wendigo showed itself to her, being three times her size, head nearly reaching the caves ceiling.

“Oh, your one of the first wendigos…” she says to herself. Thinking out loud.

It let out another ear shattering screech. Y/N covered her ears desperately to save her hearing. But the wendigo drew its hand back, landing a hard swing of it’s claws. Knocking her across the cave dwelling, hitting the wall hard. Hearing a loud crack, she landed hard on the ground. She felt something warm and sticky ooze out of the back of her head.

She saw the wendigo crawl towards her before her world turned black.

 Weeks later, more bodies turn up, picking up the attention of the Winchester’s.

“If this is werewolves, why was the most recent death out in the desert?” Dean asked.

“Maybe their hold up in the old caves the Navajo natives stayed in? I don’t know Dean, but it was a little over two weeks ago. And their saying a person went missing last week, they were probably looking into the same thing we are.”

“Well, let’s go gank this son of a bitch, stop the bodies from dropping out here.”

With that, they loaded up the Impala for the 50 mile trek to the Navajo Cave Dwellings.

 “This looks so cool; I wonder how the Natives lived in these things.” Sam says fully mesmerized.

“Alright nerd, focus.”

Sam just rolls his eyes. As they searched higher along the cave dwellings.

“Oh my god no,” Sam breaths. His heart dropping to his stomach.

“What?” Dean asked, not far behind from Sam.

When Sam took off running, he managed to catch a good glimpse at what he was running to. More like who he was running to.

“Y/N!” Sam shouted.

Dean took off at his heel running to her side.

“Her wounds are weeks old; she may not make it Dean.”

“Don’t talk like that, she’ll make it.”

“Y/N, baby, can you hear me?” Dean asked, trying to cup her head, his fingers dragging across dried blood. Pulling away, Sam seeing the dried chips of blood on his hand.

“Can wolves like her heal?” Sam asked.

“I don’t know, I never looked into it.”

“Dean, what if she’s gonna die?”

“Sammy, listen to her heart, listen to her breathing, she’s still here with week old wounds. If she didn’t die yet, she’s not gonna.”

Sam began to investigate her wounds further. Seeing the infected gash on her stomach and chest.

“She’s running a bit of a fever Sammy; we need to get her out of here.” Dean says, after running a hand on her forehead.

“Dean, these are Wendigo wounds.” Sam says, pulling up her shirt. Causing the injured girl to groan.

“Easy, Y/N, you’re safe, we got you.” Dean soothed.

“Dean,” she groans. She seemed like she was awake, but her eyes weren’t opening.

“Hey sweetheart, it’s me. You’re okay.”

“Wendigo,” she whispers.

“I know baby, we know it’s a wendigo now.”

“Giant…Wendigo…” she mutters before her body goes limp in his arms.

“Giant wendigo?” Sam asked.

“Could be a hallucination?” Dean questioned.

There was a distant screech in the dwellings.

Sam looked on within the dwellings, and he caught first glimpses of the Wendigo.

“Um, Dean, we might have to abort this one.”

“Why---oh fucking shit.” Dean says following Sam’s gaze seeing the size of the Wendigo crawling out of the Dwellings.

“Sam, that death that was out here, was it even a werewolf?” Dean asked.

“Nope, they ranked it up to animal attack.”

“Then lets get Y/N, and lets get the hell out of here.” Dean says, scooping Y/N up with little to no effort. “Fuck this, lets get!” Dean shouts.

The Wendigo lets out a ear shattering screech. The boys didn’t stop, they hurried as fast as they could out of the cave.

A hand of the wendigo crashed near them, the impact causing them to fly out. Sam flying off left, rolling, and hitting a wall. Dean lost his footing, rolling down the walkway, loosing Y/N from his hold, his back hitting the wall of the pathway. And Y/N stopped halfway on the path.

The roll had dazed Dean a bit, before he noticed the Wendigo was moving to land his hand down to crush Y/N.

“Y/N! NO!” Dean shouted helplessly.

At the sound of Dean’s voice was enough for Y/N to find a small ounce of energy to wake and morph.

Her wolf form let out whine at the pain from the infected wounds. She stumbled to get her footing to jump towards Dean. The wendigo missing her just mere inches.

But the effort proved to be too much for her to handle. She collapsed onto Dean’s lap with a whine and huff. The wolf totally unconscious again.

Sam was first up rushing to his brother.

“Dean, we can’t fight this, it’s too big. And Y/N could be dying from those infections. Let’s get.”

“Help me carry her, she morphed.”

“I’ll grab her tail end; you grab her head.”

They did as planned, and they rushed back to the Impala. Laying the wolf in the back seat. Dean hurries to the driver seat, Sam already in the passenger seat. Dean turned the key in the ignition, roaring the engine to life. He puts it into gear, and he peels out of the canyon where the Cave Dwellings sat, driving full speed to the motel.

 Eventually she morphed back to her human form in her unconscious state as she laid healing in the older Winchester’s bed.

Dean was not letting up; he was going on two nights of no sleeps. He had not moved from his spot by her bedside.

“Dean.” Sam says entering his room.

“I’m not hungry Sammy.”

“Dean, you know when she wakes up and when she finds out you doing this to yourself she’s gonna kick your ass, you know that right.”

“Let her.”

“Dean.” Sam says with a sigh.

“I was so angry with her for her not telling me everything. But she did have a point, “hey guys I’m part monster, don’t kill me.””

Sam stayed silent. Letting Dean just talk it out.

“She would have a reaction to silver, I never looked into, I never asked her. And I pointed a gun at her. I was literally two seconds away from killing the one girl I loved. When there was nothing wrong with her.”

“Dean, your trust with her was broken. You took the time away to reflect, and you saw neither one of you were in the wrong.”

“I overreacted.” Dean says, rubbing his eyes to push the sleep away.

“You did, and there’s nothing wrong with it. She’s the most understanding girl I think, I’ve ever met. I’m sure she’ll forgive you Dean.”

“You remember that witch case?” Dean asked.

“The one where you were changed into a wolf?”

Dean nodded. “Remember you asked why a wolf?”

Sam nodded.

“It’s because of her. Somehow, some part of me knew she was a wolf. She’s my soulmate.”

“Your soulmate? So, changing what spell did that witch use on you anyway?”

“She kept saying something about me walking around this world lost and alone. She said the spell would turn me into the spirit of my soulmate.”

“Wolf, because she’s part wolf.”

Dean nods.

She stirs with a groan pulling the boys attention away from their story to her.

“Sam, did you ever look into her healing process, is it different to us?”

“It is, she heals faster. But her wounds were infected. I gave her, her a shot to help her body fight the infection. Her color is coming back, she’s looking better.”

“She does.” Dean agrees, letting out a yawn.

“Dude, get some sleep.”

“I’m fine Sammy.”

Sam rolls his eyes as he exited his brother’s room.

 She woke up to the familiar scent of the Winchester’s, but the scent of one of the brothers was stronger than the other.

Dean.

She woke up in his room. Feeling a weight on her hip, she sits up slightly seeing him use her hip as a pillow. And he was sound asleep.

His arms looked as if they were trying to hold her as best as he could from where he sat.

She tried to sit up more, but a sharp pain stopped her. She winces.

“You might want to stay in bed, you were banged up pretty bad.” She heard Sam say in Dean’s dark room.

“Wait, what? How?” she asked, trying to understand. Remember.

“We were hunting werewolves, when one death of a victim took us to where you were.”

“Did you guys?”

“Oh, hell no. That fucker was way too big. I don’t think one flare would kill it.”

“You didn’t try?” she asked.

“No, we were more worried about you. You were in pretty rough shape.”

Dean stirred, snuggling closer to her, rubbing his head into her hip.

She ran her hand through his short strands of his hair.

“He was really worried about you, believe it or not.”

“I could feel it.”

“I guess that’s the soulmate thing.”

“What?”

“You remember that witch case, when Dean was a wolf?”

She nods.

“The spell used; Dean says the witch used a spell to turn him into the spirit of his soulmate. And he turned into a wolf.”

“That’s a thing?”

“I guess.” Sam shrugs.

In his sleep, Dean let out a big yawn. Almost pulling him out of his deep slumber.

“Dean.” She says.

“hmm.” He says sleepily, not opening his eyes.

“Come to bed.”

With his eyes still closed, he works at pulling off his boots, taking off his flannel, shirt, and pants. Leaving his boxer briefs on. He pulls the covers off of her, and snuggles in close to her, wrapping an arm around her middle. And snuggling his head into the crook of her neck.

“At least he’s a sleep.”

“I know, like I said, I felt it. I could feel that he was going to wake up sore if he was gonna stay like that.”

“You two make thee most cutest couple, I’m just admitting that right now.”

“Did I just hear Sam Winchester refer to us as cute?” she smirked playfully.

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. It’s just good seeing him happy again.”

“I know, I—”

“I know you could feel it, I’m heading to bed now darlin’, good night.”

“Night Sammy.” She yawned, letting the older Winchester snuggle more into her. “Night Dean, I love you.”

She woke up feeling a hand play with her hair, petting through her long strands atop her head.

She hums, snuggling into the hand. Hearing him chuckle. And felt warm plump limps kiss her forehead briefly.

She opens her eyes to a pair of beautiful green ones. “Hi.” She says softly.

“Hi, sleep good?” Dean asked.

“Better than I had in years.”

“I bet,” he says, giving her another peck on her head. “I called Garth, I’m having him get your things and we’re moving you back in with us.”

“I take it I’m welcome back?” she asked carefully.

“You are welcome back, soulmate.” He says snuggling back into her making her giggle.

“Are all caught up now?”

“I think we are.” Dean admits. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“Never again, no more secrets, no more mistrust. Never leave me again.”

“I don’t plan on it Winchester.”

Their lips crash into one another in a passionate, much needed kiss.

~

Tags:

@pandazombie69​, @luci-in-trenchcoats​, @supernatural-jackles​, @becs-bunker​, @mlovesstories​, @winchesters-favorite-girl​, @jayankles​, @jeaniespiehs20​

~

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 3/8/2021

[koutone-moved]

Saeran/Ray After Ending: My Thoughts

Hey everyone! I’m not one to really go in-depth about stuff in here, but I really felt the urge to talk about this since Saeran is a character that is really dear to me and this After Ending was something that I and many, many other people had been looking forward to for a long time.

I’ll be talking spoilers about the entire AE below the cut, so please beware!

I wanted to start off with the things I really did enjoy. 

Cheritz trying new things with the AEs for both V and Saeran was really great, in my opinion. They could have stuck with the previous format of just giving us sneak peeks into the respective couple’s life after getting together but instead decided to turn them into complete story expansions that felt more like Secret Endings. The effort and care everyone at Cheritz has put into these storylines is incredible and they deserve all the kudos and praise. 

The chatroom format was a really cool idea and having the player influence the outcome was something I greatly enjoyed. Having the story be a romance/thriller combination was super fun and immersive, too. The prologue was a great hook in my opinion--it had my heart beating fast with anxiety from the very start lolol.

ALL THE SAERAN FLUFF AND CALLS, LORD ALMIGHTY. I ADORED EVERY SECOND OF IT! I totally picture Saeran being a really cheesy and adoring boyfriend, especially since MC is so precious to him. I think they hit the nail right in the head with this.

The CGs were BEAUTIFUL. I was shocked at how many we got for a 4-day story, and they all really brought the story to life. Huge props to Cheritz for the immense effort they put into them.

The first two days of the AE (though extremely anxiety-inducing and emotionally painful for most of their duration, lol) were super entertaining and how I had always envisioned the story going down. I think having the PM and the agency unite forces as the main antagonistic force was awesome, and I really wish the story had solely focused on them.

Now, the things I didn’t like.

The Rika drama. I totally understand why addressing and breaking down Rika’s terrible actions is important for Saeran’s story. But... why, why did we need to revisit the “actually Rika has always been a good person that did some bad things” plot point when it was already done to death in V’s AE and route? I’m sorry, but this makes my blood boil.

Rika abused Saeran so badly to the point that he had to split his personality into two different people to survive, drugged him into hating his own brother, constantly told him and made him believe he was worthless if he didn’t work his ass off 24/7, killed his fucking mother, etc. The list goes on. Not to mention: she broke and drugged the minds of many other people! Not just Saeran!

I understand that the story gives us options to call Rika and V out on this bs and it encourages us to do it, but... just the fact that we have to entertain the possibility of forgiving her and letting her get off scot-free truly, truly fucking floors me.

What really bothered me about this is that this subplot took an entire day out of the 4-day story. A whole ass day that could have been spent developing the PM-agency storyline (which, again, I truly wish they had focused on). It really sucked that we had to spend a day exclusively talking to Rika and V about the same thing over, over, and over again.

V. What in the hell did Cheritz do to his character, lmao? I don’t like V at all and the actions he’s chosen to take in regards to Rika and Saeran have always truly infuriated and baffled me. But, I’ve never thought of him as someone who would willingly hurt the RFA.

I was SHOCKED to see how selfish and twisted he was in this story, especially in Day 3. He said he would never try to change Rika again and hoped she would flourish as a result and become a better person. But. My good man, how in the hell did he ever think that kidnapping two grown ass adults and forcing them to be their children was a sane decision? 

I was truly convinced until the very last moment that V returning to Rika was a red herring and that he had a plan all along to keep her in check and protect the RFA. But nope. 

I may not be a V stan, but even I know that V would never act so selfishly.

The GE/NE resolution. It felt so rushed and is the main reason why I think Day 3 should have been handled differently. The truly bullshit thing that stood out to me about it was how a short confrontation with the illegitimate son he gives no shits about is enough for the PM to have a change of heart. LOL. The corrupt, greedy prime minister that has his entire life and career hanging on a line is suddenly enlightened on his evil ways and turns himself in. Am I too cynical for thinking this resolution is stupid and makes no sense? I know at this point it was basically impossible for him to not get arrested, but I really didn’t buy this and it felt like cop-out from Cheritz’s part, writing-wise.

How Saeran’s trauma was handled. I know I already expressed loving how Saeran was towards MC in this AE, but that does not include this part specifically, lol.

I understand a big part of Saeran’s story is learning to forgive and understand to find true happiness and freedom. And I love that, it truly is a beautiful direction for his character.

I know Cheritz is not great at writing realistic trauma recovery for his characters--that was already apparent in Saeran’s route. But, I never found it so unrealistic to the point of breaking immersion for me until this AE. It just felt so silly at some points that I couldn’t even convince myself that maybe it was possible.

It’s been two weeks since he escaped Mint Eye, and... he is completely fine with talking casually to Rika, trying to understand her, and being in the same room as her? He is fine with confronting the PM and telling him he forgives him because ‘he must have a tragic past’? Really? 

Maybe he is just a better person than I am lol, but this was too much. I completely understand how someone could reach this level of inner peace and choose to forgive their abusers in order to heal. But. Two weeks. Although the circumstances were different, I think the Secret Ending handled Saeran’s recovery a lot better in this sense.

In Summary: LOVED Day 1 and 2, hated Day 3 and 4

I’m sorry if I got a bit too rant-y on the reasons why I disliked the AE LOL. I just had many feelings about it and couldn’t stop myself. If anyone wants to send me or comment their own thoughts, please feel free to do so!! I would love to read some different perspectives. 

I don’t hate the AE as whole, but it really let me down in some big ways. I’ll probably try to replay it in the future and see if I change my mind about some aspects about it, though. It’s sad to say this, but V’s AE left me feeling more fulfilled in some regards than this lol. I really wish Saeyoung would have had more involvement in the story, too.

I did love the very final epilogue for both the GE and NE, which was the main thing I was hoping for--so there’s that, I guess.

Anyways, thank you so much for reading!

[coldshrugs]

thank you for this blessed template, @possumsunshine. this was so fun and cute, i couldn't resist after seeing it on my dash 💗

pulled a couple of answers from oc asks i've done recently because oof this got long.

QUICK READ OF YOUR DETECTIVE

Name: alma greene

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Love interest: mason

Best friend: felix but also nate

Main skill: science/tech

Secondary skill: people/psychology

Main personality trait: tied for impulsive and sarcastic

Secondary personality trait: stubborn

Why did they join the Wayhaven PD?: she’s not a detective, but science skills

Relationship with Rebecca: very close, even with absences, but waning

Relationship with Bobby: college friend, currently hates him

Verda or Tina?: both

Murphy bite?: wrist

Murphy’s fate?: at large, babyyy

Rescue LI or Rescue Sanja?: sanja

GENERAL

Name: alma eloise greene

Nickname: sweetheart/space girl by mason; sweetie by rebecca

Birthday: june 12th

Age: 29

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual (demiromantic??)

Hair color: dark brown

Eye color: dark brown, nearly black

Height: 5’1”

Piercings: ears, former nostril piercings

Tattoos: a small snail on her right arm, super cartoony spaceship and tractor beam over the words “i want to believe” on the back of her left calf

Clothing Style: “modern” i guess, according to the game. tbh i usually describe it as “too old to be an e-girl but too cute to care.” bleached denim, dark plaid, graphic crop tops, black vans or converse, thigh-high tights, etc etc

Apartment Style: cozy. did she find it on the side of the road or goodwill or an estate sale? if not, it’s probably not in her apartment.

STATS

Personality:

Charming | Intimidating

Impulsive | Cautious

Sarcastic | Genuine

Friendly | Stoic

Easygoing | Stubborn

Traits:

Heart | Mind

Optimist | Pessimist

Team Player | Independent

Skills:

Main Skill: science/tech

Second Skill: people/psychology

By the Book | Bend the Rules

KEY DECISIONS

Reason for joining the Wayhaven PD: alma is wayhaven’s only forensic analyst because i refuse to let my black oc be a cop

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ in-game, she’s 100% there for her scientific prowess.

Murphy bite: Wrist | Neck | None

Murphy’s Fate: Captured | Escaped

Rescued: Love Interest | Sanja

ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP

Love Interest: mason

Why them?: on a meta level: oh no he’s hot

but alma’s reasoning is that he’s very upfront about what he wants in the beginning and she’s never been pursued in such a way. It’s a bit of a rush and an ego boost for her at first. but mason’s loyalty very quickly becomes the steadiness alma’s been missing for most of her life and she latches on to that. she’s not had someone so dependable around in… well, ever. and her physical attraction becomes emotional VERY quickly.

Bold, shy, or mixed?: shy until they sleep together, then a mix of bold and genuine afterward.

What were their first impressions of each other?:

alma on mason: thought he was super attractive but that was quickly pushed aside by “holy shit, this guy’s an ass.” she thinks he’s an uncooperative jerk that only cares about himself for quite a while, honestly. she asks him along for things she wants to do alone precisely because she thinks he’ll be the most likely to just stay out of her way. she’s surprised by his attitudes and opinions, and her incorrect assumptions about them, during those times.

mason on alma: would never, ever, ever admit that his first thought upon meeting Alma was simply “cute.” he quickly found parts of her to assess individually. those first few days were mostly spent appraising her physical attributes and watching her back when she needed it. mason did find her funny right away, but he wasn’t willing to trust someone new, regardless of that person being their handler’s daughter or not.

What do they find attractive about each other, mentally or physically?:

alma on mason: his eyes, freckles, and every single version of his smile. his decisiveness, differentially, and willingness to stab as a warning.

mason on alma: her hair tbh, there’s just… a lot of it. her hips, her eyelashes. He also likes her adaptability, sense of humor, and the warmth she gives with no expectation of reciprocation.

What do they do to spend time together?: lots of stargazing, lots of watching tv very quietly and making fun of the storylines they don’t understand until they get bored and make out instead, walking around the quieter parts of wayhaven or taking late-night drives.

What is their favorite memory together?: i like to think mason finds the carnival photo of them after the place has been sacked and gives it to alma sometime later. both the taking of the photo and the giving of it are very fond memories for both of them.

What are their love languages?: touch, quality time.

How do they handle being apart from one another?: badly. mason absolutely hates it after a time. if alma’s out of town, he’s in her apartment with the excuse of feeding her cat, but it’s 100% just to sleep in her bed and be around all the things that make her, her. alma does a little better. she’s used to having folks sort of come and go and come again, but she gets almost hyper-insecure?? it’s nothing she’d admit openly, but she’s second-guessing herself in totally unrelated aspects of her life until they’re reunited.

Do they argue? How do they handle arguments and disagreements? How do they make up?: they don’t necessarily argue, but they disagree with the intent to problem solve. alma is pretty flexible and as long as she can understand why someone might feel the way they feel, she’s willing to hear them out or go along with their plan. if an argument does get out of hand, they need space from it for a while. they each have places to retreat for those times, and they wait for the “hey” text to come through to know it’s time to talk about it.

What does their future look like?: alma becomes a vampire two years into their relationship. they move into a quiet, old house on the edge of town until the whole team moves elsewhere. mason has to get used to having a cat because october has several years left in him. they don’t get married, but they’re inseparable.

Anything else you’d like to share: in the time before alma turns, mason learns to perfect making grilled cheese because it’s what alma craves when she’s not feeling well. He makes the grilled cheese then he immediately showers to get the smell off him but he makes it regardless.

BEST FRIEND RELATIONSHIP

Best friend: depending on the playthrough it swaps between felix and nate, but felix feels more in character

Why them?: alma loves felix’s sense of adventure and nosiness. Most of all she loves that he won’t judge her for pulling the same shit every now and then.

What were their first impressions of each other?: alma was super thrown off by that hand kiss. “who the fuck is this mischief-maker?” while nate was very kind and warm, felix (surprisingly) was the UB teammate that really humanized the rest of the team for alma. he’s fun and genuine and wants everyone else to be happy together. felix was incredibly interested to learn more about alma, as a human, as his boss’s daughter, and then as a friend when she readily accepted the supernatural and, by extension, him as a vampire. The fact that she’s easily flustered or surprised really works in his favor because he lives for being the most shocking person in the room.

What do they do to spend time together?: they share music, they dance, and they text A LOT. lots of memes, lots of “what does [x] mean?” “oh nice” “[proceeds to use the thing they just learned incorrectly]”. they also compare and share hair products.

Anything else you’d like to share: they each have a tamagotchi named after the other (baby felix and baby alma) and they compete to see who can keep theirs alive the longest. everyone loses.

OTHER RELATIONSHIPS (Feel free to go in-depth!)

Relationship with Rebecca: oof okay. alma seeks rebecca’s approval and depends on her for a sense of safety and “stability.” in some ways, she wants to be exactly like her mom: strong, independent, unbothered, worldly. but a lot of that shatters the longer alma works professionally with rebecca and with the revelations surrounding rook. alma sees how much rebecca uses her as a crutch, projects her perceived failures onto alma’s life, and over-shelters her.

Relationship with Rook: alma doesn’t remember him and tries not to think of him often or fondly or at all BUT she has so many of his things. his flannels, his detective badge, his ancient comic book collection (which is the only reason she has her own). she has his eyes and his impulsive streak, his care for people of all varieties. she IS rook’s daughter and she ignores that fact so it doesn’t hurt her.

Relationship with Bobby: they used to be very close, slightly flirty friends but there’s no way in hell alma can trust him now. (i originally had bobby as alma’s ex but it was all getting a little too Bella Swan for me. like bobby, douglas, the werewolves, falk, and mason like????? it was a bit much so bobby’s just an old ex-friend)

Relationship with Verda: alma fucking loves verda. that’s her mentor, that’s her dad friend. she feels a sense of Pride and Accomplishment when she can make verda laugh or impress him in the lab, or both. alma’s fond of spending evenings over his place with eric and the kids, making dinner, or just hanging out.

Relationship with Tina: tina was alma’s first friend as a kid. they lost touch in high school because tina was bubbly and cute and popular, while alma was… not. but the summer before they left for college they ran into each other at a house party and since that reconnection, they’ve been thick as thieves. it was like nothing had changed. tina is a light in alma’s life, and alma lets tina lean into the stranger parts of herself without judgment.

Relationship with the Mayor: thinks he’s a creep and a bad parent.

Relationship with Capt. Sung: appreciates how he prioritizes the town and its people, but thinks he could loosen up a bit.

Relationship with Haley: haley is a couple of years older than alma but they’ve known each other forever. alma admires haley’s work ethic and cheery attitude.

Relationship with Elidor: oh man, alma is absolutely stunned by elidor. he’s beautiful, kind, and knowledgeable. in those early days, elidor is responsible for quite a bit of her supernatural education. alma grills him while he nurses her back to health. her curiosity is refreshing to him.

Relationship with Tapeesa/Vieno: alma thinks vieno is cute and funny, says hi when she sees them around, but they’re not best friends or anything. she can’t shake the thought that they’re basically a fae version of danny devito.

Relationship with Unit Alpha: absolutely smitten with lesedi. she’s never seen a more beautiful woman. tamiko ends up being a pretty good friend. the twins are on her social periphery but alma’s not close with them.

Relationship with the Maa-alused: alma sincerely wants to help them adjust to life in this world and takes that goal very seriously. at the same time she really really wishes falk hadn’t developed this weird attachment to her.

Do they have any other important relationships, past or present? (Relatives, friends, etc.?): YES. i’ve thrown another oc in wayhaven for the express purpose of being The Detective. His name is javi. alma met him in college and they were fast friends. alma convinced him to try out wayhaven after graduation. They lived together for a while and now they, along with tina, can often be seen in the corner booth of chen’s pub.

she was also very close with her maternal grandmother before she died. she was raised by her while rebecca was absent, but i need to develop this more.

her cat, october, whom she’s had for five years. he’s a sweet, mostly black tortie that can hardly meow. alma adopted him as an adult when she got her own place.

PERSONAL BIO

Describe their personality: alma is so open and ready to accept new possibilities. she’s the sort of person that embraces what scares her, finds beauty in it, and loves it intensely. she’s sharp and resourceful. i wouldn’t exactly describe her as hard-working, but she’s knowledgeable about her field and tries to be helpful when she has a goal in mind.

she’s quite tactile. touchy with other people. likes to use her hands for work or hobbies. she doesn’t really mind being alone for long stretches of time but would prefer not to be. she wants others to want to be around her.

she’s also terrible at being honest about her trauma. everything is fine, she’s fine, she doesn’t need to talk about this :) :) :) she will handle the breakdown when it happens and not one second before. also, with quick wit comes uncontrollable sarcasm and it does not always hit well.

Strengths: the only person in unit bravo that knows how to use google

Weaknesses: squishy

Where in the world is their Wayhaven?: super torn here because wayhaven feels inland to me, but i think i’ve finally settled on the north carolina coast but not like the outer banks area. If not there, then maybe virginia, closer to the chesapeake bay.

What is their personal history?: alma is born to rook and rebecca in wayhaven. spends her childhood being raised mostly by her grandmother, idolizes rebecca. academic success comes easily for her; a heavy interest in science leads to a scholarship at a university just far away enough to feel like she’s Leaving The Nest. alma dates a bit in college but she’s the type to end up becoming friends with everyone she sleeps with and romance is difficult for her to cultivate. when she does date, the relationships are short-lived. she returns to wayhaven after school and puts her degree to work in wayhaven’s police department. she wishes she’d applied for a position in the city but craves the comfort (and tbh, the low stakes) of home.

If they weren’t a detective, what would their dream job be?: she’s a forensic analyst and honestly?? it’s a pretty dreamy job for her. she loves being a scientist, loves helping people, and isn’t easily grossed out.

Anything else you’d like to share: has tried to stay overnight in an ikea. did not succeed.

RANDOM FACTS

Zodiac sign: gemini

Hobbies: reading peer-reviewed journals, watching terrible sci-fi, collecting comic books and mugs, thrift shopping

Likes: good hair days, denim jackets, vanilla candles, halloween, unflavored lipbalm, driving at night, that warm “surrounded by love” feeling, snails, fuzzy socks

Dislikes: the lights while driving at night, winter, dry skin, minimalist decor, smudged glasses, being overwhelmed with choices

Drink of choice: white wine usually, white russians if she’s out at chen’s, or shots of jaeger if she’s feeling trashy

Starbucks order: grande flat white with 3 pumps of toffee nut syrup and a sprinkle of cinnamon

Favorite food: a simple, fresh spaghetti pomodoro OR lemon meringue pie

Favorite color: golden mustard yellow

Favorite music: she loves just about everything and it’s heavily dependant on her mood. (this is actually really difficult to think about without feeling like i'm giving her my exact taste in music but here's a little playlist that fits her vibe)

Favorite genre (and favorite movie/book/etc): science fiction or psychological thrillers, but her favorite movie is oliver and company.

Favorite season: fall

Anything else you’d like to share: has a stupid amount of blankets stashed around her apartment. she really does not like being cold.

[zeppelin-and-unicorns]

A Donna Pinciotti character study (and how I write her on my stories)

I'm apologizing in advance, this is too big, I talk a lot.

Someone sent me an ask a week ago asking why I write Donna as a nice character, and that inspired me to make a specific post about my thoughts on the characters and how I choose to write them on my published stories, more specifically, in Rock You Like a Hurricane and When The Levee Breaks. So here we go.

I love all the main 6 characters, not equally, everyone has a favorite, but in the end, they all have a very special place in my heart.

Out of the six characters, Jackie and Eric are my favorites. I have trouble writing Eric, but I really love him, I don’t get why he gets so much hate, he’s such a good person. They are followed very closely by Hyde, I relate to Hyde a lot, and honestly I love writing him. I think Hyde and Jackie are deep characters, with lots and lots of layers, and I love exploring them.

They are all complex characters with distinct personalities, each one has their specific storyline, and they all have their little quirks. They are not perfect, they have defects and qualities just like any other human being.

This post is about Donna, but I plan on making separate posts for each character later. I just wanted to share some of my thoughts.

Let's start off, shall we?

Donna was my favorite character, until I started season 4. One of the things that bothered me the most on the show was how much Donna's character regressed after her first break up with Eric.

Donna is a very likeable character in the earlier seasons, she's independent, determined, passionate about the things she loves, cares deeply about her friends, among other things. What I particularly loved the most about Donna, was how progressive she was for a teenage girl living in the 70s.

She and Eric were a sweet couple, and their love was pure. Their break up at the end of season 3 was heartbreaking, but it was very in character for me. Donna always wanted to be a strong, independent woman, and Eric was trying to tie her down. And while I could understand Eric's reasons, Donna also had a pretty strong point. I do believe things could have been solved with proper communication, but they were teenagers and these things happen.

After their breakup, both Donna and Eric acted immature, but after Donna's mom left, she... well, she's changed. And not for better. There's this one episode from season 4 that really upsets me. Right after Midge left, Donna slept with Eric, and Eric was really happy afterwards, he thought they were back together, but Donna had absolutely no intention of getting back together with him, in fact, she said "she would've done it with anyone". She used Eric in that episode, she should’ve been clear to him about her intentions, I get that her mom left and that she was sad, but that was kind of cruel of her and I felt really bad for Eric.

That's one of Donna's flaws: whenever she's going through something, she becomes this selfish person, too wrapped up in herself to focus on anyone else's problems. She refuses help and she acts up, showing really self-destructive behaviors (like purposely failing school, smoking cigarettes, dating Casey Kelso, etc). Donna’s kind of a hypocrite, she doesn’t like when people tell her she’s wrong about something. She also doesn't care about anyone other than herself when she's angry or sad, a clear example of that was running away to California with her best friend's boyfriend, because she was feeling humiliated about being rejected by Eric. That was a pretty shitty thing to do, Jackie did not deserve that.

In fact, Jackie did not deserve many of the things Donna did to her, but to me, Donna’s worst offence was to side up with Kelso during all the times he was an asshole to Jackie (yes, that includes when Jackie started to date Hyde).

As a self-proclaimed feminist, Donna should’ve been more empathetic towards Jackie. She should’ve told Jackie about Kelso and Laurie, she should have discouraged Jackie to get back together with Kelso on season 3 (everyone knew how toxic they were, even Hyde tried to stop them from getting together again in his own way - by breaking that egg - but Donna actually encouraged Kelso and seemed rather amused with the situation), she shouldn’t have shown her boobs to her best friend’s boyfriend on episode 4x20, she shouldn’t have ran away with her best friend’s boyfriend without even thinking about Jackie’s feelings, she should’ve supported Hyde and Jackie’s relationship from the beginning, she should’ve called Kelso out on his hypocrisy towards Jackie and Hyde on season 5, she should’ve been there for Jackie - without judging her - when her mother came back. She should have been a better friend to Jackie in general, Jackie was bitchy and kind of annoying, but she was a good person, and she was always there for Donna when she needed it.

Jackie was supposed to be the bitchy one with a huge ego, but Donna slowly took her crown. To me, in later seasons, Donna was worse than Jackie from season one - season one Jackie was a bitch, but she was also innocent, and she didn't know better, Donna did, and she loved calling Jackie out on her behavior. I'll elaborate more on that when I write Jackie’s essay. 

And (I’m afraid people are going to judge me for this one) Donna should’ve been a better girlfriend to Eric. People always say that Donna was too good for Eric, and well... I disagree.

In the first three seasons, Donna and Eric’s relationship was healthy, they were cute together, and you could see how much they loved each other. But they got back together in California and didn't even talk about why they broke up in the first place. They just ignored it and pretended it never happened. Like, wtf? And then out of nowhere Eric proposes and she says yes? She hadn't accepted his promise ring less than a year before, and now she accepted an engagement ring? I’m sorry, but that was very OOC to me. The reason why they broke up was that she didn’t want to make such a big promise because they were sill young, and then they just get engaged when they’re still in high school? That’s bad writing to me.

Their relationship in season 5 was okay, their engagement didn’t make any sense, but overall, they treated each other well and were in love.

Then Red had his heart attack and Donna decided to postpone college so she could be with Eric. Another thing that didn’t make sense to me. Donna basically threw away her whole future in order to be with Eric in season 6 and 7, and they broke up in season 3 because she didn't want that for herself. It’s just… well, shitty writing.

After she stayed for Eric, their relationship changed, at least from what I could tell. And then all the episodes had the same storyline for Eric and Donna: Eric does something stupid, Donna overreacts, Eric spends the day kissing her ass to make up for it, in the end she forgives him and it’s always the same thing “Donna, I’m a dumbass, you’re too good for me, I’m sorry” and bla bla bla. It’s a freaking cycle, and it only gets worse after Eric leaves her at the altar.

Eric was a good person and a good boyfriend, he had his flaws, but overall, he was a decent guy, he shouldn’t feel inferior to Donna. She mocked him for liking the things he did (Star Wars, Styx, roller disco), and often acted like she was too good for him, a good girlfriend is supposed to support her boyfriend in whatever makes him happy, not force him to quit something because she thought it was too girly.

(For example, when Hyde was going to work at the muffler shop with Red, Jackie didn’t like that idea, but she supported him anyways, she said “If it makes you happy then, I’m happy”. Donna wasn’t very supportive of Eric’s choices, the roller disco thing is a great example, I mean, yeah, it was girly, but he liked it, so she should’ve supported him).

In my opinion, Donna and Eric’s relationship on seasons 6 and 7 wasn’t a healthy one.

I’m not even going to mention Donna’s actions on season 8. To me, they were unforgivable, that’s why I totally understand why people write her like a bitch on post season 8 stories. But hey, everyone was acting OOC in season 8, that’s why I tend to ignore its existence most of the time.

In Donna’s defense though... That was mainly bad writing. I believe that the real Donna would’ve been more empathetic towards Jackie, she would’ve called Kelso on his crap, and she would’ve actually talked to Eric about their problems. She also would have gone to college, she and Eric could make distance work.

Up until season 4 we could see that the writers were actually developing a storyline for Donna. She was bitchy in season 4, but her parents had just got divorced, she and Eric had broken up, her mom left... Her life changed a lot, it’s understandable why she acted out, the writers knew what they were doing then, at least in the character development part, but then season 5 started and Donna was a whole different person.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense in this essay, I have trouble expressing myself sometimes because english is not my first language, but basically, to me, the writers stopped caring about Donna’s character development by season 5 and I’ll always be bitter about that. 

A clear example of character development is Jackie, Kelso and Hyde. They grew and matured over the seasons, Donna didn’t, not really, if compared to them. It's incredibly sad to see most of the characters growing and genuinely being better people, while Donna was just… being there.

Donna had her good moments, as I’ve mentioned before, Donna has qualities, plenty of them by the way. She’s passionate about the things she loves, she wants the best for her friends, she’s determined, she has a kind heart.

One of my favorite scenes from the show is when Jackie asked Donna to help her not to fall into Kelso’s “charm” again, when he was trying to grow a beard. Donna was an amazing friend in that episode, it really made me smile. Donna had some really good moments with Jackie. I wish she valued them more, but I blame that on the writers and their need to put women against each other for “comedy”.

The Donna I write on my stories is based on the Donna from the earlier seasons, it’s a Donna who still has her flaws, but she pushes her pride aside when she recognizes she's wrong and apologizes, she doesn't see Jackie as her competition, she sees her as a friend who she loves very much, and wants the best for her.

When The Levee Breaks Donna is the real Donna, at least how I think the real Donna actually is. After Eric sent her that letter, she recognized that she gave up too much for him during their relationship, and that she wasn't being herself by doing so, so she decided to no longer wait for him and be her own woman, that's why she moved to Chicago. No one is worth giving up her dreams for, not even the love of her life. 

She loves Jackie and wants the best for her, that's why she encourages Jackie to move to Chicago with her, and she also wants to make up for the times she wasn't the friend she deserved. Donna recognized how wrong she was by siding with Kelso, and admitted that she took Jackie's friendship for granted. 

This Donna lost all the respect she had for Hyde when he came back from Vegas, to her, that wasn't the same Hyde she grew up with (she wasn't wrong), and she wasn't going to stay quiet and let him destroy himself (and Jackie). She stepped up, and tried to shove some sense into Hyde's head before leaving with Jackie, but Hyde can really be an ass when he wants to, so she gave up and punched him, that was the last time she saw him until he got his head out of his ass and went to visit them at Chicago after New Years.

Donna was heartbroken, but she refused to dwell on it and tried her best to move on with her life. She's at the top of her class at college, she's trying to be there for Jackie (who wasn't doing so good when they first moved in) and she tried to date someone else. 

Turns out that you can't really date someone if you're still in love with your ex, so that didn't work out very well for her, but it helped her realize that what she felt for Eric was real, and that it wasn't going away anytime soon.

In Chicago, Donna and Jackie formed a strong bond, they were friends before, but Chicago kind of made them sisters. During those 6 months they've spent living together, Donna developed very strong protective instincts towards Jackie, especially after Jackie opened up about her childhood with her mother. She saw Jackie struggling every day, she saw how often Jackie cried over the things that happened in Point Place, and she started to understand her friend better.

Donna's protective instincts kicked in when Hyde and Eric showed up in Chicago, but they softened after she talked to Hyde and realized that he was being genuine. She was still pissed at him, but she could see that he was suffering a lot, so in the end, she just wanted to see Jackie and Hyde being happy again.

Her feelings with Eric were conflicting, she loved him very much, and she was aware of that, she got tired of denying to herself, but that didn't erase the hurt of their past. After a long talk, she and Eric agree to start things again, but she makes it very clear that she's not giving up her future for him anymore.

One of my favorite Donna quotes on my story is:

"Eric, I don't need you in my life. But I want you in my life, I really, really do."

So basically, that's how I write Donna in WTLB, she still has her flaws, but she's overall a good person and a good friend.

Rock You Like a Hurricane Donna is not so different from WTLB Donna, she's still protective of Jackie, but not for the reasons WTLB Donna is.

Donna and Jackie grew up together in RYLH, no Eric, no Hyde, no Kelso, just the two of them, and I believe that had a significant impact on both of their personalities.

Donna and Jackie first met in school, and became best friends after Donna beat up a kid who was trying to bully Jackie. Donna and Jackie both had no friends - Jackie was new in school, and Donna was new in town - so they started to play together and basically became glued by the hip.

The fact that she didn't grow up as "one of the boys'' changed Donna's personality a bit. Not too much, we still love a lumberjacky Donna thank you very much, but her behavior around Eric and the rest of the boys is sheepish if compared to her behavior around the entire gang on the show.

That changes after a while, she starts to get comfortable around everyone after a few months.

Growing up with Jackie had an impact on her, not a bad one. Donna's way less judgemental, and she's not a hypocrite, at least not like she was portrayed on the show. Jackie calls Donna out on her bullshit, and Donna does the same for her, they make each other better and they would kill for each other.

Donna's also not afraid of showing her girly side every once in a while, and she and Jackie support each other on their interests. As shown in some chapters, Donna sometimes even watches Jackie's cheerleading practices, and she's always there to support her in the games.

Jackie encourages Donna to write on a daily basis. She always loved reading Donna's short stories, she claims that if Donna ever writes a book, she has to write a character based on her, preferably, a princess.

They have a healthy friendship in both of my stories, it's how it should've been on the show.

That’s all, I guess. If you actually read this, please feel free to give me your opinion about Donna too, I would love to hear it!

I’m posting Jackie’s character study sometime soon. Thanks for reading my ramblings.

[that-bi-bitch-writes]

Dreams of Indigo (ch.5)

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinso x Non Binary Reader (can be read as Male Reader)

Word Count: 964

Warnings: Use of He/They pronouns, lots of swearing, mentions of past bullying, angst? transphobia mention cursing, arguments between friends NOT PROOFREAD SO LEMME KNOW ANY GLARING MISTAKES PLEASE

Storyline: Reader is a teenage vigilante basically. Unlike the main characters Y/N doesn’t attend UA and somehow seems to keep finding themself in the company of the LOV but they’re not a villain. Call him a vigilante or an anti-hero whatever, just don’t call them a villain.

A/N: I wrote this weeks ago believe me but I hadn’t thought of the OCs yet so everything was written except for names. Now that it’s flushed out I can finally release this chapter and the one coming about the OCs. I hope you enjoy. Comments and suggestions appreciated!!

Shoot me any questions, my inbox is open to anything but requests as of now. This is cross posted on wattpad (@that-bi-bitch-writes) and Quotev (@DumbEnbyJuice)

Last // Next

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Chapter Five: Back to the main story

Okay you definitely underestimated the amount of strength required to be the talk of the town despite feeling like no one wanted to talk to you. Funnily enough the solution kind of just fell into your lap. Well it wasn’t technically a solution but it did make life easier for you so who are you to argue. All you could do was brace yourself from inevitable rejection from the student body while clinging on to the small bit of hope that you wouldn’t have to spread a rumor to get some semblance of social life back. Chances are, that wouldn’t exactly end well

“Hello LGBTQ community” you teased 

 “Get fucked” Fumiko responded

“Are you offering sweetheart? I thought I was too masc for you, lady lover”

Somehow everyone in your friend group really had been a member of the LGBTQ+ community so you fit in well and very easily You’d hoped that since they knew what it was like to be outcasts or fear rejection that when it came down to it they’d be right there with you. And deep down you knew they would. Not just because they’d experienced it but also because you knew your friends and the type of people they really were. Though they know you often let your negative thoughts , if they stuck around, they’d probably give you hell for ever doubting them.

“So, what now” Akira asked

“That’s my question” you quipped

“Are you gonna use your little rumor power on us?”  Akihiro asked

“No, are you planning on doing something to make me use it?”

“Don’t be ridiculous-” Fumiko started

“Better question, have you used it on us?” Akihiro interrupted 

your breath hitched after that question. without thinking, without breathing, you opened your mouth and words flooded out

“What would I have used it for? Huh? I’ve given you guys just as much as I take. Unless you think I brainwashed you into being my friends. Is that who you think I am? Do you think that little of me that the only way we could’ve been friends is if I brainwashed you?

Taking a deep breath, fighting back tears of sadness, grief, frustration, rage. You continued

“If you said this to be funny, or even if you’re genuinely curious this was not the time to ask it. I know I made a mistake by not telling you guys exactly what my quirk was, but I did tell you the story of me enduring years of bullying for being quirkless. I told you how people turned on me and my family and you decided now was the time to joke about the terms of our friendship? That's really fucked up and low Fukuhara-kun. 

Appetite spoiled, you turned back to head to class. You were gonna be early, but your next class was music and the one class you didn’t share with any of them.

“ I came here to make sure you guys were still my friends after the whole assembly. I was nervous, and it was fucked up for me to take away someone’s autonomy but can you see why I felt like I had to protect myself against yet another reason someone would hate my mere existence? I’m not saying I’m a superhero for ending transphobia at the school but god I didn’t think I’d get treated like a villain by members of the LGBTQ+ community much less my own friends.

you paused, letting the hurt tone in your voice sink in.

“I gotta go”

As you fled the roof you kind of bumped into the cute purple haired kid who looked at you as if you shared a deep secret. There was a hint of nervousness in his eyes but a defeat you , recognized in yourself. It kind of made you feel vulnerable but acknowledged and the warm feeling his gaze sparked was what told you that you could make it through the day.

3rd POV

“That was a pretty low blow Akihiro” Akira said pointedly

“Why didn’t anybody say anything? You guys know I speak out of my ass when nervous and you know I didn’t mean any harm”

“Because he was right” Fumiko spoke up simultaneously surprising everyone and no one “you spoke out of your ass and it was insulting and he had every right to feel hurt. People aren’t obligated to open up and tell you everything about themselves because you ask. They told us why they were a little insecure about their quirk and their history with disastrous friendships. It wasn’t right of them to brainwash the entire school, but if you could ensure your safety and the safety of others with one simple phrase, would you not do it? Would you not fight to protect yourself?” 

“He totally overexaggerated though”  Akihiro spoke up

“Maybe. But anger and insecurities make a dangerous combo. I’m sure they’ll return to apologize but we need to make it clear we’re here for them. And probably apologize first. While we were in our rights to ask whether or not they’d used their quirk on us, we could’ve been more sensitive. Especially since this is our first time seeing them since they got detention. It should’ve been a celebration”

“And we made it into an interrogation” Akira finished

“ why do you always gotta be so smart with words?”

“Why do you always have to be so careless with them ass mouth”

“I really missed y/n” akihiro admitted

“Me too” the other two chorused

[unityghost]

Release

For the 27th installment of Post-Asmodeus Sabriel Feels, I'm fulfilling two requests from Twistedlove on Archive of Our Own: write something that takes place a little earlier in the series, and show Sam's response to one of the fainting spells to which past stories have alluded.

“You mentioned this chapter [’To Slip and Fall’] about him losing consciousness in the past. I wonder how Sam reacted to that.”

I envision this as taking place somewhere between the second and third entries ("Heavy" and "Midnight Blue"). I've said it before: continuity is a little out of my reach because this was never supposed to become a series (whoopsie), but I do what I can to keep things as smooth as possible.

Got me thinking about the time I fainted in front of a crowd while giving a poetry reading. Womp womp.

Thanks for reading!

On the seventh consecutive day of rain, time began to feel crooked. Gabriel fell asleep at lunchtime and woke two hours later to his door creaking open.

Sam smiled when Gabriel rolled over to look at him. “Hey, Gabriel.”

Gabriel groaned and pressed the heels of his hands over either temple to try and ease an oncoming headache. “Good to see you, Sam. My favorite part of the reunion was when you didn’t knock.”

“You must’ve slept through it. We haven’t seen you in a few hours. Everything okay on your end?”

“I’m fine. What do you need?”

“Just wanted to let you know we saved some casserole for you in case you were hungry. I mean, you haven’t eaten since …”

Gabriel shoved himself upright. “I don’t remember either.”

Sam frowned at him, then glanced over his shoulder into the hall. “Hey … is it all right if I step in for a second?”

Gabriel scanned Sam’s face, his hands, his body. “What for?”

Sam looked a little surprised by the shift in Gabriel’s tone. “You can say no.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“I’m not …” Sam offered an uncertain smile. “I’m not here to punish you or whatever, if that’s where your mind went.”

Gabriel cleared his throat and ran a hand through his hair. “No, that isn’t what I thought. Um, yeah, make yourself comfy, champ.”

Sam stepped inside and shut the door behind him. “I was only looking to check up on you. Figured maybe you wanted to talk to me.”

Gabriel almost asked, Why? What am I doing wrong? Instead he answered with, “About what?”

“Well,” said Sam, “For one, you look kind of … awful.”

“That’s according to plan. The last thing I’d want to do is make any one of you feel jealous.”

“And also, you - ”

“Wait.” Gabriel held up a hand. “Listen, Sam: I’m sorry, but at the moment I’m not sure I have the stamina to rifle through a scrapbook full of bad memories. You know better than anybody how much that kind of works takes out of the both of us.”

Sam shrugged. “We don’t have to do anything like that. We could just … hang out.” He waited for Gabriel to reply. When Gabriel said nothing, Sam declared, “No problem. In the meantime, I guess maybe I’ll go get some coffee and hang out in the library. Dean just now told me he thinks he might’ve found us a case to work on in Connecticut. Nothing’s for sure yet, but might as well use the time to dig up whatever info might end up being useful, right? So if you need me - ”

“Don’t know why I would.”

“ - I’ll be in the library.” Sam turned, and placed a hand on the doorknob.

“Hold on,” said Gabriel, and Sam turned back. “Don’t go all the way to Connecticut.”

“We don’t have plans yet. Plus, I don’t have to be the one to go if it makes you nervous.”

“No one’s nervous; I just … I … you know.”

Sam looked puzzled. “No. I don’t know.”

What was Gabriel doing? It was ridiculous - not to mention wildly imprudent - that he should try and dictate Sam’s actions. It was even more absurd that he should feel threatened by the prospect of Sam not being nearby.

“Ah, never mind,” said Gabriel. “You can totally go to Connecticut. Pennsylvania. Arkansas. Colorado. The Pyrenees. Anywhere that tickles your fancy, Sam.”

Sam let go of the doorknob. “Gabriel, don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’re spending too much time alone.”

Gabriel glanced at the floor, thinking of the nightmares and flashbacks to which Sam had been witness since Gabriel first arrived at the bunker several weeks earlier. He was afraid that, if he said anything now, he would be perpetuating a trend that he did not want to continue. “There’s some way to describe what’s up with me, but I’m not confident about getting it right.”

“Bad dreams?”

“Yeah. For sure. Always.” He continued to avoid Sam’s gaze. “They come at odd hours when I can’t keep track of day and night. The rain, you know? Not like we can see it from here. But I feel it. It’s weird, actually; it’s like I can sense it in a way I couldn’t before. Near-gracelessness and whatnot - makes me tired, causes pain … everything feels different now. But it’s not about the nightmares - that isn’t new.”

“So what else, then? Can you tell me?”

Gabriel remained silent.

“Gabriel,” Sam said, “You’re the only one who knows what you’re feeling.”

Gabriel shook his head. “I’m the only one who feels what I’m feeling. But I don’t know what it is, or how to give an accurate picture. Headachey, I guess. Exhausted.”

Sam waited for him to say more. When Gabriel didn’t go on, Sam took a few cautious steps toward the bed and sat beside him.

“I feel like you might be getting worse,” Sam said softly, “Not better.”

“Yeah, well ...”

“You’re spending a lot of time by yourself. And whenever any of us tries to get you to hang out, or eat, or go for a walk, or whatever, you just sort of … hide.”

“I don’t hide.”

“What would you call it?”

“Voluntary seclusion.”

“I’m not prosecuting you. You know that, right? It isn’t wrong if you need time to yourself. It’s just that I’ve never thought of you as a wallflower.”

“Excuse you. I’m the prettiest of all wallflowers; I’m a whole-ass bouquet.”

“You want to tell me what’s going on?” Sam’s tone was gentle. “As best you can?”

Gabriel fidgeted. “I mean … sure. I can give you what I know. But that’s all I’ve got.”

“Yeah, tell me.”

Gabriel took a deep breath, released it, and began: “You guys have a good, solid rhythm going. Your own thing. Your own little family. Who am I to look for a place in that, huh? Plus - and I know you won’t be happy about this, Sam, but it is what it is - sometimes I prefer not to be around the others. Dean is … intense, Cas is hard to read - especially when my grace is low and I can’t always communicate with him in ways I might have before - and Jack is … look, the fact of the matter is Jack is a stranger. I’m sorry, but you’re the only one I can trust even a little bit, and otherwise I’d rather be alone.

“There’s one more thing, and it doesn’t make a lick of sense: most of the time, I wish I wasn’t by myself - but I feel like I have no choice. Now, obviously, nobody’s depriving me of the option to saunter out there and say, ‘Screw it, I know not one of you is looking to throw me around like a bargain-bin Raggedy-Ann knockoff.’ But here I am, some castaway watching a cruise ship glide past on still waters, and I’m not doing a damn thing to get myself rescued.” Gabriel clenched his jaw. “So I go with plan B: lock myself in here like a sick kitten and cry.”

He heard Sam shift beside him.

“The point is,” Gabriel went on, “None of this makes sense. I don’t make sense.”

“I think it makes sense.” Gabriel tried to catch any revulsion or annoyance in Sam’s voice and couldn’t. “All of it makes sense to me.”

“Bully for you, Sam. I don’t know what metric you’re using, but something ain’t adding up.”

“I think you just need to let yourself adjust. Give yourself some space to heal. And time - you gotta give yourself time before you can expect to really feel better.”

Gabriel raised his eyes to meet Sam’s. “Time and space sound fantastic, but they’re not what I need. I need my grace. I need to forget about Asmodeus. And - ”

Sam furrowed his brow. “And?”

Gabriel swallowed. “And I need that now.”

Sam lifted a hand. “Can I - ”

“No,” said Gabriel, “Please don’t touch me.”

Sam lowered his hand. “Look ... Gabe … there’s no forgetting. That isn’t what you need. And you can’t hold yourself to that standard, because you’re setting yourself up for failure if you decide that the only way to improve is to forget.”

“Yeah, well, no one’s trying to make a case for its likelihood. All I’m saying is that’s the only thing that could ever make a difference. You asked me to talk, we can talk - but if you can’t handle the truth then maybe find another conversation partner. However, if you think you can metabolize it, you want to know what I’ve learned since coming here?”

“What’s that?”

“You really want to know?”

“Yeah, Gabe. I really do.”

“Dandy.” Gabriel made sure to hold Sam’s gaze this time. “Here’s your appetizer: on my first night here, I learned that sleep doesn’t have anything to do with rest, and that the unconscious brain can hold about ten different storylines at one time. A little meatier: after that I learned just how committed a graceless body can be to purging itself of phantom danger even when there’s nothing left to throw up. By now - and here’s your entree - I’ve learned that getting out of Hell doesn’t mean I’m not still there. How was I to know I’d be scared of my own brother? Scared of Dean? How was I supposed to plan for that? And how was I supposed to anticipate just how much help I was going to need when I ought to be damn well capable of helping myself?” Gabriel turned away. “Hope you enjoyed. Don’t forget to leave a tip.”

“Gabriel …” This time, Sam simply took Gabriel by the shoulder.

Gabriel jolted away. “Stop it, I told you not to!”

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” Sam softened his voice. “I really didn’t think. Listen, buddy, don’t be so hard on yourself about all this.”

Gabriel gave a cold smile. “Even when it’s happening all the time?”

“‘It?’ What’s happening all the time?”

“I see Asmodeus everywhere, Sam. Around every corner, behind me, next to me, in every one of you. Even you - sometimes. And I … that’s not all right, and I’m sorry.”

“You won’t get better by being sorry, Gabriel.”

“You worry about me holing myself up in here, away from the rest of you? You worry about not being able to monitor me all the time?”

“No. I get that there’s no reason to keep tabs on you twenty-four/seven. I worry because it’s nothing like you to pull yourself away from everyone around you and I feel like you might need … I don’t know. Something.”

“Yeah? And what do you think you’re gonna do when I finally agree to set the party ablaze with this killer personality Asmodeus cultivated for almost a millennium? You know, Sam, sometimes humans throw around this idea that it’s better to get it all out - to let yourself be messy, to break down freely. Because sure, all right: your kind aren’t built to house your pain in those bodies indefinitely. And then there’s me.” Gabriel laughed, harshly and quietly. “I can hold it. I can keep myself together. But, just like you, like any human being, I reach a tipping point. Fair enough; I can accept that. Except here’s one other fun tidbit I’ve learned: losing control doesn’t help. Sobbing myself into a coma never does a damn thing to make the pain anything but more real. Think twice about whether you’re prepared to see that for yourself, Sammy.”

There was a lengthy pause after he finished. Gabriel listened to the footsteps in the hall, the occasional click of a door, Dean shouting a question to Castiel.

When Sam didn’t speak, Gabriel kept on: “It’s easier, Sam. It’s just plain easier to hide. For me, and for you. For all of you. The truth is I’m - I mean - I’m scared out of my wits, and I don’t know how to change that.”

“That’s how you’re supposed to feel after somebody hurts you,” Sam replied before Gabriel could add I’m sorry. “And do you really think it’s easier to lock yourself up?”

“Why else would I be doing it? When have I ever done anything other than take the easy way out?”

“You don’t think maybe you’re making this harder for yourself on purpose?”

“I have no idea what I’m doing to myself!” Gabriel was beginning to feel sick. “I don’t know how much is me and how much is him.”

“You aren’t going to feel any better, any freer, if every time you feel like you’re back in Hell you reinforce it by holding yourself hostage. Gabriel - look - I won’t make you listen to me or talk to me, but I need you to know that I’m not as scared of seeing you in pain as you are. You don’t have to dedicate any amount of time to me or anybody else, but we’re here. I’m here. And I really don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of.”

Shut up, Gabriel wanted to say. I have everything to be ashamed of. But he couldn’t speak: his throat was locked tight, exactly the way he locked himself in the bedroom when he didn’t want the rest of them to see what was happening to him.

“You have the power to drown him out,” Sam continued. “He’s gone and you have the power to make sure he stays gone.”

Gabriel shook his head. He hadn’t had any kind of power for a long time now.

“And you’ve got more than that,” Sam reminded him. “You’ve got us. Me especially, if that’s all you want right now.”

“I don’t want anything,” Gabriel whispered.

If there could be no forgetting, he realized, then there had to be acceptance. Letting the others in - letting any of them, especially Sam, any nearer - would facilitate just the opposite by bringing the pain into the full sight of everyone, including Gabriel; allowing the others to see, to watch, would be to keep the pain alive.

Acceptance necessitated tolerance. Welcoming their gestures of goodwill not only showed intolerance for the memories that haunted him but signaled that he was prepared to fight what he knew would never, ever go away unless he could erase it from his mind completely.

He leaned forward, so that his forehead was close to his knees, and buried his fingers in his hair.

“Are you okay?” asked Sam.

“Yes.” But the truth was that Gabriel was struggling to breathe against the tightness in his throat. His headache had, within the last few minutes, grown exponentially stronger.

“Gabriel,” Sam murmured, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” His heartbeat increased as he struggled to draw breath. He knew that he was able to breathe, knew that this was simply an unwelcome byproduct of the battle, but he struggled nonetheless.

“Gabe, what’s the matter?” He felt Sam put a hand on his back, and this time Gabriel didn’t startle. “Can you sit up, maybe? Are you gonna be sick?”

He sounded worried. Gabriel wanted to tell him not to worry, that nothing was seriously wrong; that sometimes, this was what it looked like when he decided not to give in, not to let go.

It occurred to Gabriel then that Sam had seen him break down before, and perhaps there was little point in going to these lengths just to shield Sam from something he’d already witnessed.

Then he remembered that thinking in that direction - the direction of maybe just this once - would trick Gabriel into believing that it was all right to put himself on display, to showcase this obscenely vulnerable side of himself to anyone who might toy with it; or, worse, to someone like Sam, who would probably never do any such thing and allow Gabriel to take advantage of him.

Way to breathe, dumbass, Gabriel thought as he grew dizzy; and then he realized that somebody was calling his name and that he was on the floor with no recollection of having placed himself there.

He tried to piece together the last few seconds - moments? Minutes? - and found that he couldn’t. Then he realized what must have happened, but why was there another presence? Who was standing over him?

“No,” Gabriel groaned, and tried to sit up just as a pair of hands seized hold of him. “Don’t - ”

“It’s just me, Gabriel, just me.”

“Let go,” Gabriel ground out, and Sam did. Gabriel lay back down again.

“What the hell was that?” Sam demanded. “What happened? Gabriel, man - you wouldn’t wake up for about two minutes.”

“Oh.” Gabriel closed his eyes.

“No!” Sam commanded, and Gabriel’s eyes flew open. He stared up at the ceiling, not daring to move. Sometimes moving, trying to get away - that only made it worse.

“Just stay awake,” Sam said, softening his voice. “Just - I need to know you’re all right.”

Gabriel turned his head to get a better look at Sam, who was knelt on the floor beside him, pale and wide-eyed but apparently not as angry as Gabriel had believed.

“I was going to call someone else in,” Sam explained, “But I figured if you woke up and there was another person here you might get nervous.”

“Sometimes,” Gabriel slurred.

“What? Sometimes what?”

“Happens sometimes. Like oops.”

“Gabriel,” Sam said, “I need you to give me a single coherent sentence before I decide not to get help.”

“No. Not a big deal. I get a little upset. Tired. Whatever. And then this.”

“Do you know where you are? Who I am? What year it is?”

“Floor; Sam; post-moon landing, pre-teleportation.”

“How do you feel right now?”

“Floppy.”

“Why’d you pass out?”

“I don’t know.”

“Really?”

“I mean … it’s like when I get sick, sort of. Moderately less degrading.” Feeling a little more alert, Gabriel pushed himself upright. Sam looked tempted to assist, and Gabriel was grateful when he didn’t try.

“A stress response,” Sam said. “One you didn’t mention.”

“Never came up.”

“So right now, just now - you worked yourself up to the point that you couldn’t even stay conscious?”

“Good at it, aren’t I?” Gabriel leaned against the bedframe and pulled his knees to his chest. He couldn’t tell what Sam was feeling, but he sensed a certain level of frustration. Perhaps Gabriel was confusing desperation with anger; but whatever emotions were driving Sam’s reaction to this episode, there could be no mistaking what Gabriel himself was feeling. He told himself not to be afraid of Sam, and yet …

“I didn’t mean to,” he told Sam. “I really didn’t mean to. I didn’t - ”

“I know you didn’t mean to.” Sam sighed. “I’m not mad, all right? I’m sorry. I’m not. That was just really weird to watch. You went white and started falling off the bed. I grabbed you when half your body was already on the floor, so you didn’t hit your head or anything, but - ”

“Thank you, Prince Charming. My head already hurts like a bitch so I’m glad to be spared.”

“This happens a lot?”

Gabriel tethered his gaze to the floor. “No. It happens when I decide to fight.”

“Fight? Fight what?”

“My instincts. When I decide not to buy into what I said about letting yourself just lose control. There’s no reason to indulge in a breakdown if all it does is make me feel worse. Sometimes this is a … a, ah, side effect of that.”

“God, Gabriel. This is why you need to look for someone instead of running away from us.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. Of course. What?”

Gabriel peered up at him. “Can you look me dead in the eyes and tell me that you know from firsthand experience that giving yourself space to parade your emotions around for others to witness and potentially ransack has proven a helpful strategy?”

Sam blinked. “I … no. I can’t.”

“Then what the hell are we doing?”

“I never had a chance to find out for myself.” Sam gave a rueful smile. “But I know what I needed.”

“You’re not - oh.” Gabriel looked away again. “I didn’t mean to be an ass.”

“None of this is about me. I’m more interested in making sure you don’t collapse again.”

“I won’t. That only happens when I’m grossly inconvenienced by my own coping mechanisms.”

“Can I help you up?” Sam offered his hands, apparently to hold onto Gabriel; but Gabriel, who didn’t take well to the notion of being touched like that when he was too weak to retaliate, grabbed Sam’s hands instead and let him pull him up that way.

“Wanna lie down?” Sam asked as Gabriel retook his seat on the bed.

“No. No sleeping. No nightmares. Not right now. I just - I can’t.”

“Not even if I stay here with you?”

“You busted in here to talk, didn’t you? Not to watch me while I sleep. Don’t be weird.”

The mattress creaked as Sam sat back down.

“Oh, and for what it’s worth” Gabriel added, “I appreciate your discretion. Thanks for not bringing anyone else in.”

Sam smiled. “I’m glad you’re not too banged up.”

“Well, I’m sorry. For being such a diva. ‘Look at this, Sam; watch me swoon.’ Have you ever seen such melodrama in your life?”

“It’s not melodrama. If you’re struggling that bad - if you’re sick and tired and passing out and crying - that means something’s wrong. It means you need help. What good is there in bullying yourself just for needing help?”

Gabriel surveyed him. Sam looked alert, concerned - perhaps even a little frightened. “Sam … you know the feeling of when someone wants to hurt you and you’d do anything to escape? And the panic is so strong you forget how to put up a rational fight, and all you can do is throw yourself around like a trapped insect? Being kidnapped, or tortured, or held in place - you know that violent, helpless, hysterical feeling?”

Sam looked vaguely nauseated. “Yeah.”

“That’s what I feel whenever I know help is nearby. And if I give in to that feeling, I’ll scream myself raw and it won’t do any good. Losing control doesn’t make things better. It hurts. It hurts me, because I can never get it all out; I’m never empty, Sam, and that feeling is never gone.” His voice trembled. “Frankly, everything made way more sense in Hell. It all added up to an even integer. I was afraid because I was locked in a cell at the mercy of a narcissistic screwball who’d been handed complete power over me. But now? Now I have no reason to feel trapped and alone.”

“And you need one,” Sam said, “So you give yourself one.”

“No! I mean - do I? See, what does that tell you? I’m nuts. I’ve gone off the freakin’ rails. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I know is I need help and I’m not going to be okay no matter how much I get. So what’s the point in wringing myself out for something that’s not even going to make a difference in the end?”

Fragments of memory crept forward: Gabriel, screaming and sobbing through the stitches across his mouth, while Asmodeus laughed above him.

“I can plead until time flips itself inside-out,” Gabriel told Sam, “And nothing - nothing - is going to make all that fighting worth it.”

“Not with Asmodeus.” Sam offered his hand. After a moment’s deliberation, Gabriel accepted it. “He liked to waste your time. Here, with us, you don’t have to beg for anything. Food, water, help. Whatever. You don’t have to tear yourself apart just to get what you need.”

“It doesn’t do anything,” Gabriel pleaded. “Letting go, losing control - it just makes things worse. It makes the pain stronger, Sam. I can try and try and it’s still caught inside of me and it won’t come out no matter how hard I pull at it.”

“When you’re by yourself, sure. It’s not a one-man job.”

“I should be stronger than this. Stronger than any of this. Stronger than him, stronger than my own mind, stronger than this feeling. Sam - I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be whatever it is he turned me into.”

Sam squeezed his hand. “He didn’t turn you into anything. You’re still Gabriel.”

“But that’s not … I don’t …” Gabriel didn’t know how to explain that “Gabriel,” whomever that might be, had always been diseased, and that Asmodeus had simply hurt what needed to be hurt.

“I’m confused,” said Gabriel. “I don’t understand what’s happening to me.”

“You’re trying to heal. I think sometimes that can be as rough as whatever it is you’re trying to heal from.”

“I’m tired. Tired and terrified and - and I hate what I am, and how I see everything now; I hate that I don’t know how to keep myself under control. I hate that I come in here to cry. I don’t know; I don’t understand. I’m not - I don’t - ” Gabriel used his free hand to cover his face. “Everything is wrong with me.”

“But in what universe are you not supposed to be scared and upset and confused after everything that happened to you?”

Gabriel shook his head. His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper. “I don’t know.” He felt tears glide over his cheeks and kept his face hidden as best he could with the one hand.

“Well,” Sam said, “If anybody would know, don’t you think it’d be you?”

Gabriel didn’t reply.

“Look.” Sam’s voice was gentle. “I really think you should consider swallowing your pride once in a while and maybe pushing back against your own instincts. Don’t bury yourself in whatever it is Asmodeus put into your head.”

Gabriel gave a strangled laugh and slid his hand from his face, forgetting for a moment that Sam could see the tears. “Is that really what you think? That my instinct is to hide and not come running to you? Sam, the only instincts I ever have tell me to throw myself at your feet and grovel.”

“Grovel? For what?”

“For understanding. For affection. For touch. I don’t know; all I can tell you is I need something from you and I have to push myself in the opposite direction so that I don’t disgust you. And so that I don’t get cozy, because that could be taken from me so fast. The number of times he laughed at me, Sam, or kicked me in the face because I didn’t stop crying when he told me to …”

Sam looked repulsed. “Gabriel, I would never do that to you!”

“He used to say, ‘I wish you could get a glimpse of yourself; even you wouldn’t believe you were looking at an archangel. You know what you are, don’t you? You’re a roach with a busted leg and guts all over the floor. You’re lucky I don’t just squish the life out of you here and now.’”

“Yeah,” said Sam, “Okay. Stop. I don’t think that about you; none of us think that. Don’t trust anything he told you. The guy was a monster.”

“Well, so is this thing inside of me, Sam. This thing that tells me to go looking for help - this thing that makes me so afraid and panicked and desperate - it’s insatiable and trying to feed it just makes it hungrier.”

“With him it would have. Yes. Because you tried to get what you needed and he didn’t let you have anything. If you really wanna look at it like that, as something that needs to be fed - I mean, what are you supposed to think if it’s always been starved?”

Gabriel couldn’t think of a response.

“I’m tired,” he said at last. “I feel sick and exhausted. I’m not - ” He leaned against Sam, who released Gabriel’s hand to put an arm around him. “I just don’t feel well at all.” He turned to press his face into Sam’s shoulder.

“This has been a hard time,” Sam agreed. “I know that. Trust me, I know. And that isn’t your fault.”

“I should be - ”

“Who’s holding you to anything, huh? You’re not supposed to be any one way about this. Really.”

Gabriel almost asked, Then why isn’t it acceptable for me to lock myself away? Then he thought better of it, because Sam had been right: it wasn’t like Gabriel to make himself unknown. He had run away, certainly - but he had not remained in the shadows. Gabriel had never kept himself entirely hidden. Never.

He didn’t often think of who he had been before his imprisonment. For all he knew, that version of himself was the one Asmodeus hated most, the version that had deserved the most punishment.

But the thought that Gabriel might never get that part of himself back, the possibility that Asmodeus had forced him into wanting to stay hidden - somehow this notion flooded him with horrified grief that came on like a surge of nausea. He didn’t miss whatever it was he had been - at least, he didn’t think he missed it, although since he deliberately paid so little attention he couldn’t be sure - but the absence of something that had made him who he was suddenly felt unbearable.

The tears came silently, blurring his vision and stealing his voice. The knot in his throat stung like needles and tightened his chest, so that he had trouble breathing again.

I’ll never get that back, Gabriel thought. It belongs to Asmodeus now.

Sam pulled him in closer and Gabriel grabbed onto him, afraid that Sam would let go. He remembered moments like this with Asmodeus - clinging to him in exactly the same way. It was only when Sam muttered, “I know, I know it’s rough; I know,” did Gabriel realize that he could distinguish between the two experiences.

Gabriel heard himself make a horrible, choked groan into Sam’s shoulder. He gritted his teeth against the urge to scream - an urge that soon became too much and manifested not as a scream but as fractured moaning.

“I know,” Sam murmured again. “I know. But it’s gonna be all right. You’re doing just fine, I promise.”

Gabriel tried to speak, but the words slid into each other and ricocheted off of each breath so that nothing could be understood.

“What?” Sam asked.

“I - I can’t,” Gabriel sobbed. “I can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

“Stop. I can’t stop. I’m trying. I’m sorry.”

“Nobody’s telling you you have to stop. Especially not me. Take whatever time you need.”

“I don’t know.” Gabriel shuddered in Sam’s grasp. “I can’t - can’t stop.”

“Then don’t. Nothing wrong with that.”

“No, I want - I need - I can’t stop; I need it to - ” He was gasping, choking. “Because it won’t do - won’t change anything, and I need it to stop.”

“Don’t think about that. Just relax. I’m here. You’re safe.” Sam paused, then added, “I didn’t mean to make you so upset. I just wanted to check on you because - ”

“Because you knew I was already upset.” Gabriel gave a shaky laugh. “Because you knew that I - that this was - ”

Somehow Gabriel couldn’t say it, but perhaps Sam understood: Gabriel had needed this, or something like this, to remind him that he was no longer in Hell. That there was no pain, no punishment, no derision. There was no clawing at the bars of a filthy cell and howling into a damp chamber full of bloodthirsty phantoms. Certainly, there was self-disgust; there was shame just as powerful as any he had felt with Asmodeus - but there was no fear.

Did that mean he truly would never be able to stop?

Gabriel pressed his face deeper into Sam’s shoulder.

Even if I can -

“All right there?” Sam asked.

- this will still happen again.

“I’m so sorry,” Gabriel whimpered.

“No.”

“I am. I really am.”

“What for?”

“For all the times you might have to see this.”

“Hey, no, come on.”

Gabriel didn’t ask whether Sam meant Come on, it’s not gonna happen again or Come on, of course you don’t have to be sorry. He was afraid of the answer.

“Think about it this way,” Sam said after a while. “If it were one of us - ”

“I know, Sam.” Gabriel closed his eyes. “But it’s not.”

“Yes it is.”

There was a knock at the door. Gabriel wrenched himself away from Sam.

“No one else needs to see,” he explained.

“Okay.” Sam got to his feet. “Let me handle it, then.”

Whoever it was knocked a second time. “Gabriel?”

Dean.

Sam opened the door. “Can you give us a minute?”

“Nope. Because if he ain’t gonna take what’s left of the casserole then it belongs to me.”

Sam sighed. “Dean …”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules, Sammy. But I did make the casserole.”

“He hasn’t eaten; can’t you just - ”

“It’s perishable. It’s a delicate recipe. Gabe!”

“Don’t,” Sam said quickly. “He’s - let me ask him.”

“It’s fine,” Gabriel said. He tried to speak loudly enough for Dean to hear, but his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and repeated, “It’s fine, Dean. Take it. I don’t need your germs.”

He heard Dean shift - perhaps trying to step inside. “Sounding a little rough there, bud.”

“Dean,” said Sam, “Go away.”

A pause. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Sam told him. “Just …”

In the silence that followed, Gabriel had the sense that Dean was trying to read whatever signals Sam might be sending.

“You know what?” Dean said at last. “I’m suddenly in the mood for burgers. Gabe feels up to it, he can have the casserole. So I guess I’ll, uh … I’ll catch you two later.”

“Yeah.” Sam sounded relieved. “All right. Thanks.” He closed the door.

“Thanks yourself,” Gabriel said as Sam came to sit down again. “No need for him to see me like this. But hey, Sam - you know I’m not trying to monopolize your time, right? Because you have a lot of other jobs besides babysitting a whiny recluse.”

“Man, you have got to stop talking about yourself that way. Besides, I don’t have anything more important right now.”

“What about the case in Connecticut?”

“We don’t even know if we there is a case.”

“So go do a little digging, find what you can find; maybe it’ll help you decide what you’ve got on your hands here.”

“Really. There’s nowhere I need to be.”

“Sam, I’m gonna feel better if you move on from what just happened without any fanfare, all right? My energy is shot. I think it’d be good for me to take a hot second to breathe and you to get done whatever work might lower the odds of you getting yourself bloodied up in some elitist New England suburb.”

Sam looked both surprised and hesitant. “Do you wanna come with me?”

“No. Just give me a few minutes and then I’ll … if I need you, I’ll get you. How’s that sound?”

Cautiously, Sam stood up. “If that’s really what you think would be helpful.”

“Yeah. Go. And thank you.” Gabriel glanced away. “You had a point.”

“About what?”

“About - come on, don’t make me say it. You know what.”

Sam considered him. Then he nodded, and Gabriel hoped he remembered: It’s not a one-man job.

“I’ll be close by,” Sam told him. “And please - don’t try to pretend, okay?”

“Fine. But I’m good, Sam. For now, I’m good.”

Sam remained in place for a few more seconds, contemplating whether to heed Gabriel’s request. Then he smiled, tentatively, and moved toward the exit.

“But you can leave the door open,” Gabriel called, and Sam did.

Gabriel could hear Dean, Cas, and Jack somewhere in another room - although he couldn’t be sure which one. He slid off of the bed and moved toward the sound. They were in the kitchen.

The three of them, seated around the table with bottles of beer (When did those melonheads start giving Jack alcohol? Gabriel wondered), all fell silent when they saw him.

“Hey fellas,” said Gabriel. “Got room for one more?”

[voidendron]

V’ehsz Legacy (Part 1)

I’ve started getting a lot of characters to keep track of, and I want something for them with really brief info instead of full bios (plus. the last one of these I made was messy and a pain to read through). This’ll help me keep track of everything and off a look at what my OCs are like!

Starting off with my main eight who follow their class storylines

Terrin - Synnda - Qizulth - Liolana - Azan - Jen - Azuma - Varrich

Part 2

(only Terrin, Synnda, Qizulth, and Varrich’s outfits shown above are finalized - other four are not and I’ll try to update this when they are) 

For more in-depth information, there’s a link to my SWTOR characters in my bio. Going there will lead to a list, and the list contains links to their Toyhouse files (if they exist yet), and I’m slowly working on putting the detailed info there

This is subject to (likely minor) changes

Ar’eonis’terrinxx (“Terrin”) - She/her - Chiss - Bounty Hunter (Power Tech) & Outlander Random Pointless Fact: She has a headband that Blizz made her to help keep her hair out of her face when she has a helmet on. She always wears it if planning to wear her helmet, but sometimes she’ll wear it in her regular day-to-day to change things up a little. It’s very dear to her and she keeps it stored safely in a drawer when not wearing it.

Reckless, likes a challenge, temper laying at the end of a short fuse, and anyone who’s worked with or for her quickly discovers she isn’t one to sit still for long. She takes great pride in being Mandalorian, but her tendency to take challenges she probably shouldn’t makes her a handful and easily gets her into trouble. When sent on a mission with her, it’s wise to bring a fire extinguisher; she likes to set things ablaze. She’s the type who if told to use her head, would actually headbutt the thing before thinking of a better solution.

Rough around the edges and quick to speak her mind or blast a hole in something, she’s surprised people with how caring she can actually be. Family is extremely important to her, and when the galaxy comes under threat credits become the last thing on her mind. Terrifying Force shit she doesn’t understand threatens an entire planet or the whole damn galaxy? She’ll step between it and the innocent without second thought.

When Marr reached out from Wild Space, Terrin wasn’t the only one he contacted (Varrich and Azan were even en route!), but she was the only one to arrive in time to try and aid him when the Eternal Empire attacked his fleet--much to her frustration, that also meant she was the one to get Valkorian in her head. Upon becoming Alliance Commander, she made the difficult decision to leave behind bounty hunting for good so she could focus on what was really important, and has matured because of it.

...That doesn’t change the fact she’s still Mandalorian, though, and Lana has her work cut out keeping Terrin from trying to fight everything.

Synnda V’ehsz - He/him - Zabrak - Jedi Consular (Shadow) Random Pointless Fact: Broke two horns as a Padawan. His lightsaber had been knocked out of his hand and he was more or less pinned, so he tried to headbutt his opponent... Who was... Wearing armor... It wasn’t his brightest moment.

Always calm, keeping a level head regardless of the situation, able to diffuse even the tensest situations and often finding allies in unexpected places, Synnda could be considered the ideal Jedi and those who know him aren’t surprised he was named Barsen’thor. His seeming emotionless and flat voice can easily make him seem cold or distant or disinterested, however, and he has a hard time really connecting with people as a friend rather than a simple acquaintance. Upon being offered a Council position, he was hesitant to take it, though did accept.

He has great interest in other cultures and--especially--other languages and is always trying to learn what he can of them. So, while his tone may put someone off, his commonplace willingness to speak their language instead of Basic, and that he’ll show respect as is custom of their culture rather than of the Jedi, shows the type of person he really is when his voice has a hard time conveying it. He tries not to form too strong of attachments to others, even if those others happen to be friends, but has definitely become attached to his crew.

When Marr reached out from Wild Space, Synnda had been busy with the rebuilding efforts on Corellia and missed the call until it was already too late. When the Eternal Empire attacked, he helped a few small groups escape to Ossus before attacking the fleet himself. He ended up captured, and was kept in a prison on Zakuul, but broke out during the blackout caused by Terrin’s escape and later joined up with the Alliance.

Qizulth Verryn/Darth Nox - He/him - Twi’lek - Sith Inquisitor (Sorcerer) Random Pointless Fact: He and Talos will totally geek out over ancient temples together. He’d have a hard time admitting it aloud, but Talos is easily his closest/most trusted friend and Key is much more open with him than anyone else.

Impulsive, sarcastic and cocky, yet also always trying to prove himself and his abilities. He doesn’t let it show, but thanks to Harkun and growing up a slave, he feels the need to prove to others that he’s worth something and easily becomes frustrated with himself when he can’t. He has a habit of trying to be better than others, as well, so he makes a lot of enemies and isn’t exactly the best at making allies unless he does it through manipulation.

Before being taken to Korriban to become an acolyte, he’d always dreamed of the stars and exploring unknown places, enjoyed learning anything he could in what little free time he had. As Sith, he found excitement in ancient tombs and texts and artifacts, took great interest in learning about peoples and cultures from long before his time. It made him fitting to head the Sphere of Ancient Knowledge upon his defeat of Thanaton--and also brought him to have his strange little crew he actually cares a lot for but shh. He’s scared to admit it.

When Marr reached out, Key had been exploring a tomb on Hoth, so the message never came through due to atmospheric interference. Upon the Eternal Empire’s attack, he sneaked off to Belsavis without telling anyone, hoping to confide in Ashaa or find something that could help against Arcann’s empire. His wandering led him to accidentally trap himself in one of the many prison chambers deep within the planet, suspended in the air by a force field and more or less frozen in time. It’s not until years later that others find and free him after finding clues of his whereabouts, and he joins the Alliance.

Liolana “Leo” Vetiko - She/her - Cathar - Jedi Knight (Guardian) Random Pointless Fact: Most people don’t know it, but she’s actually pretty good with repairing machines and is even a decent slicer. If an actual mechanic isn’t available, she’s a good replacement.

While she does try to fit the card of the ideal Jedi, her emotions and attachments can get the better of her to make her impulsive - so much so that she risked the entire mission of confronting Vitiate to save Rusk when he’d ended up in trouble. She works hard to feel like she’s worthy of her position of Master, and has a bad habit of comparing her failures to the successes of others, so has been known to push herself too hard to the point she’s fallen ill for it on more than one occasion.

She’s still young and, while honored, didn’t feel like she was even remotely ready to be named Battlemaster and was nervous about it. While she didn’t outright say, she did wish Satele and the Council had reconsidered their choice. However, it didn’t take long for her to love the position, and she took pride in watching the lightsaber skills of those she trained grow with her lessons. 

When it came to Ziost, she ended up as one of Theron’s contacts and met with his other three (Havoc, Jen, and Synnda) planetside where they eventually paired up to work with Lana’s contacts. She ended up badly injured by a possessed Sixth Line Jedi, but in the end that’s what saved her life. Because of the severity of her injuries, she was taken off-world to be tended to, so ended up surviving the devastation Vitiate caused. She was still recovering when the Eternal Empire attacked, so had no choice but to follow others fleeing to Ossus, where she stayed until Jedi Under Siege. 

Azan Tarnak/Lord Wrath - She/her - Sith Pureblood - Sith Warrior (Juggernaut) Random Pointless Fact: She’s not exactly graceful in a duel. She’s large and incredibly strong, so tends to lean with brute force rather than acrobatics in a fight. She’s even been known to swing her lightsaber more like it’s a club than an elegant weapon. Her fights aren’t pretty and many an opponent have lost limbs to her.

A follower of the light, Azan has learned to be cunning and manipulative just to survive among other Sith. She’s incredibly good at lying and finding ways to cover up things she’s done that would otherwise seem very not-Sith-like. From claiming pragmatism, to simply turning around and threatening someone not to question her choices, rarely using the Force in the presence of others and able to prove she doesn’t have to rely on it to be formidable, or simply covering up her actions altogether, she’s gotten good at wearing her mask.

She wasn’t exactly thrilled to get her apprenticeship to Baras. He irritated her and she had a bad feeling about him from the start--she sassed and disobeyed him every chance she got. Even on the instances he grew tired of her attitude and threatened her, she was one to just cross her arms and wait for him to get to the point. To say she was surprised by his betrayal would be a lie, and she quite enjoyed finally kicking his ass. Becoming Wrath was a different matter, though. She wasn’t pleased and thought she was about the worst possible choice for the position--though having even (most of) the Dark Council itself scared of her was certainly interesting and made things easier for her when she’d no longer be questioned about her actions due to that fear.

When Marr reached out from Wild Space, Azan had been at Ziost. She was on the surface after the destruction, protecting teams from Monoliths while they tried to study what happened. She and Havoc Squad met on Ziost’s space station and opted for a temporary truce to go out to Marr’s location together. By the time they reached the coordinates, the Eternal Fleet had already come and gone, and all that was left was the remains of the fleet and a few escape pods that they rounded up. Azan ended up going into hiding once the Eternal Empire attacked so she could try and figure out what to do about it. She was separated from her team, but met up with an old ally--Master Timmns--and the two worked to survive together until the formation of the Alliance, which they were quick to join.

Jendrush “Jen” Sept - He/him - Cathar - Smuggler (Gunslinger) Random Pointless Fact: Want to lure him into a trap? Don’t bother with anything elaborate. Simple and easy are just fine, and he’s sure to walk right into it without thinking. It’s a wonder how he’s still alive.

Overconfident, aloof, a huge flirt, and boiling over with enough sarcasm he could share, Jen isn’t exactly “friend” material. He has a hard time connecting with people unless he’s flirting, and has an easier time making enemies than allies. He used to run smuggling jobs solely for the money. He didn’t care what the job was or if it harmed anyone, as long as he got paid in the end. Fortunately, he did start to make better decisions after he had to work with others to get his stolen ship back.

It wasn’t until he was hired by the Republic that he really started to change for the better, however. He found that he actually liked helping people and became easier to be around, though still wasn’t the most friendly if you weren’t part of his crew, and even then he could be testy at times. It wasn’t until he hired K’hedif (so his two kids wouldn’t be in the streets; he didn’t trust K’hedif himself at first) that Jen finally started to soften up. Jeva was too little and too much of a sweetheart to be rude to, while Jessi would snap at him to quit being an ass and kinda gave him the reality check he so badly needed. And...yeah, he might have eventually fallen for K’hedif once his heart was good an tenderized after knowing them quite a while. He and his kids were the best things that ever happened to Jen.

Jen wasn’t contacted by Marr, and had instead been running a job when the Eternal Empire struck. He took his crew and his ship and went underground (possibly literally) until he could find a way around the Coruscant blockade. Once he did, his priority became running supplies to worlds that needed it until Hylo Visz got in contact needing smugglers for the newly-formed Alliance.

“Azuma”/Cipher Nine - She/her - Zabrak - Imperial Agent (Operative) Random Pointless Fact: The jewelry attached to her horns are extremely durable. She can (and has) removed them to use to choke someone from behind, and they can also undo/short out handcuffs and shock collars. Just assume that if she looks like she’s wearing something just for looks, it’s there for a reason.

Doggedly loyal to the Empire and severely lacking any form of moral compass, “Azuma” does whatever it takes for the Empire to come out on top. She’s intelligent, cunning, manipulative, and a quick thinker - able to smoothly run with a last-minute plan or come up with one herself on-the-spot, she can prove effective in any situation. She took the “you no longer have a name” very seriously, and went on to only go by whatever her latest disguise was for what her team should call her (with Azuma Kathrak being her current one). Her original name has been purged from all records and no one speaks of it - not even her own husband knows what it was.

While not good in an actual fight, she has a stealth generator and is armed with a multitude of poisons that she can use to do her dirty work for her. From dusts that her target can inhale, to setting off poisonous clouds that affect only certain species, to a toxin hidden in her earrings she can pour into a drink, her collection could make any chemist or assassin jealous. When she joined Intelligence, she very quickly learned it was no place for a moral code and left hers far behind in her old life. Now, she becomes whoever she has to be to get the job done.

Marr didn’t have the time to track down Azuma when he was in Wild Space, as she’d gone under the radar again after Ziost to conduct her own search for the Emperor. As such, she didn’t hear about what was happening until it was far too late. From then on, she parted ways with her companions and went into deep cover on Zakuul to figure out what was going on and strike at Arcann’s empire from within. She joined the Alliance when she was discovered by it for mutual gain: She’d help it by providing information, and it would help the Sith Empire in return.

Varrich Tophrik - He/him - Mirialan - Republic Trooper (Vanguard) Random Pointless Fact: He always wears the same style of helmet, even in different colors to match different armor. It’s become a running joke that he must have a hoard of lookalikes hidden somewhere like they’re some grand treasure. He is not amused by said joke. Because it’s probably true.

Steadfast, loyal, and unflinching in the face of danger, Varrich tries to be the perfect soldier. A teenage resistance fighter on Balmorra who later joined the Academy in the hopes he could better help his planet that way, he never expected to graduate top of his class, nor to be recruited to Havoc because of it. Already having trust issues, his original team’s betrayal only ingrained distrust deeper into him. He doesn’t let himself get close to anyone, trusting only his team and the sister he so rarely gets to see. 

Trained in a multitude of weapons and fighting styles, he’s like a living arsenal. Missiles, blasters, grenades, knives, even a generator that lets him give his opponent a shock, he’s armed to the teeth and it’s not just for show. While he does have a strong moral code, he also knows that he can’t always follow it if he needs to get a job done and is willing to do some pretty messed up things in the name of the Republic. It can make him seem callous, and the fact he remains professional and even-toned even as bodies lay at his feet even more so.

When Marr called from Wild Space, Varrich and his team were on Ziost looking for signs of Vitiate. They dropped everything at the call, and when they’d head up to the orbital station, they encountered the Wrath who’d also gotten the call. Deciding it would be in their best interest, Varrich reluctantly agreed to head to his coordinates with her. They arrived too late, however, and Havoc eventually went to Zakuul’s surface to try and fight its empire. They were in over their heads, and Varrich was separated from the rest of his team in an explosion - he was captured by a black market group working out of Breaktown and used as a test subject for cybernetics they planned to sell in the streets. He was there about five years, but was able to escape thanks to Terrin having caused a blackout.

[multifandomaddictedfangirl]

The Vampire Diaries Thoughts & Opinions (rewatch)

S1 :

OMG I completely forgot how cheap was this show! The dialogues in s1 feels so forced and fake 🤮 Not to blame the actors, but sometimes it feels really unnatural, like you know you’re in a fantasy young adult tv show. It doesn’t feel like real life, like what real people would do/say. It’s too obnoxious and dramatic and... overly intense ?? 😕 Rewatching it, it might be the biggest flaw of the early seasons 🤷‍♀️

They all look SO YOUNG tough 😳

Mmmm... Stefan acts like a total creep in s1, it’s really giving me Twilight vibes 😅 like if I was Elena/Bella, I would be terrified of Stefan/Edward ! 😰 They’re creepy and stalky and weirdly intense / edgy about ordinary stuff... Their entire personality screams : “I AM A VAMPIRE AND I CANNOT CONTROL MYSELF AROUND YOU” which... #yikes 🤔

Caroline Forbes is my favorite character of the entire show, I love her SO much ❤️ “I’m never the one” is still one of the most powerful lines, for me, and I loved her characterisation throughout the show

Matt has been irrelevant since s1 🙄, honestly he was maybe funny/quirky in the double-date episode and regarding his relationship with Caroline (while not having moved on from Elena)...? But that was like a couple of episodes and apart from that he was just useless. I do not understand why he stayed alive that long

Jeremy.... oh Jeremy 😔 He was... such a cliché! He was what adults see as the “typical” rebellious edgy teenager who does nothing of his life except smoking weed. And no, I don’t like that caricature. His relationship with Vicky... 🤷‍♀️ I mean, sure, it was sweet that he cared for her that way and that he saw more in her than just the “stoned-ass trashy girl” 💁🏻‍♀️ that she was supposed to embody. But Jeremy really acted like “The Nice Guy”and it seemed like he was expecting something for being nice with Vicky. He acted like if Vicky owed him something, while she never asked for him to interfere in her problems 🙅‍♀️ I don’t know, I guess he was just supposed to be a lost teen, damaged by trauma, and I get that.

OK, so if I was Elena, seeing Katherine’s picture would FREAK. ME. OUT 😱 I would run away. So far away. I would tell everyone I love to run away 👀 I would just completely shut down. I would never want to see the guy ever again (who clearly has a fetish and an unhealthy obsession!!). I mean, talk about being clinched to your ex

Damon and Caroline’s relationship was SO TOXIC in s1 !! 💥 And the show never really acknowledged that!! I mean, sure, they did, but I don’t think Damon realised the pain he caused her: he manipulated her, fed on her, hurt her, compelled her, used her to get what he wanted, abused her, put her life in danger, over and over again 🤢🤬😡

LEXIIIIIIIIII 💖💖💖 Finally! I remember I liked her a lot, but she’s just one of the best, purest character! I’m so happy Stefan can AT LEAST count on her 💕

WHAT?! 😱 SHE DIED SO SOON IN THE SHOW??!?? 💔😭 I didn’t remember that at all! I think my mind erased that fact from my mind because it hurt too much!

Ugh, Logan 😑

I hate what they did with Bonnie 😡 In s1 she’s this incredibly judgy character who ruins every single plan by having ridiculously high moral standards (for this fictional universe, at least), ugh. I love her but they used her to create unnecessary conflict in the show and she didn’t deserve that. Also she didn’t deserve all the pain, the deaths & the misery. She’s one of the (many) characters who have suffered SO MUCH throughout the seasons and they really did her dirty and i’m so mad about that !!

The flashbacks from 1864 were quite well done. I always found it interesting to learn more about Katherine’s past and the Salvatore brothers’ tragic origin story.

*sighs* John Gilbert... urrffffgh 🙄

Isobel being Elena’s biological mother AND Alaric’s ex wife was... so weird 🤨

Overall, I don’t have a lot of opinions for that season because I was bored half of the time 🤷‍♀️ I just really wasn’t interested about the plot and/or the characters because it was all so cliché and cheap. This season was really bad. It’s not working at all, for me at least.

S2 :

Katherine is a GREAT character and you can’t fight me on that 💁🏻‍♀️👠👑

The addition of the werewolves was quite a good idea, though it was predictable so far. Werewolves and vampires often come together in fantasy 🤷‍♀️ Tyler’s storyline was interesting though 🤔 The whole idea of a curse that you activate when you become responsible for someone’s death, no matter your intentions, was good.

CAROLINE BECOMING A VAMPIRE WAS ONE OF THE BEST THING HAPPENING TO THIS SHOW : YES ! 👏 She was such a better person as a vampire. She was arguably the best vampire of them all, the one who truly succeeded the most at adapting at her new life 💕

I DO NOT understand WHY Damon would ask for troubles to Mason, a werewolf, whose bite is DEADLY to him 🙄

Elijah was so different in s2 than I remembered. So uptight, and yet so evil ?? I remembered him as the nice brother in the Michaelson family. But the way he relentlessly targets Rose and her family and friends... yikes 😣🥺

Klaus was so HYPED by the show. Even Katherine herself was terrified of him 😱 And when you think about it, he might be one of the most dangerous creature of TVD’s lore... 🧐 But compared to other vilains, he was quite friendly.

Bonnie and Jeremy... mmm.... sure. You know what, it doesn’t scream “soulmate” but it doesn’t have to be. It can be just a messy, complicated, unexplainable crush. It can just be two people liking each other and enjoying each other’s company without trying to look for a deeper thing. Plus the situation is so awkward, with Jeremy being Bonnie’s best friend’s little baby brother, that it was fun to watch! 😄

My heart still feels for Jenna 💔 She had just learnt the truth about vampires and she had JUST figured out why everyone in her life was acting so weird... and then she died. And idk she was a lovely, messy, funny, pure heartface, completely lost gardian... 💕 and I’m gonna miss her. I would have liked to see her react to what happened next on the show (and how she could have supported Elena & Jeremy through all of this, etc.) 🥺

OF COURSE STEFAN WOULD MAKE A DEAL WITH KLAUS TO GET A CURE FOR HIS BROTHER! Is this Supernatural?

So, yeah, same thing here: most of the storylines developed in this season didn’t interest me whatsoever. So I don’t have a lot of things to say about this season, but just bear with me pls 🐻

S3 :

I absolutely adore Stefan as a ripper in s3. Especially regarding his complicated relationship with Klaus... I think his dependency / addiction to blood is really interesting 🤔 Stefan can’t be a regular vampire, drinking blood from humans then erasing their memories / drinking from blood blags. He can’t because he feels so guilty for the lives he takes / the pain he inflicts on other. So he’s like all or nothing 🤷‍♀️ A human blood-free diet guy. Or a merciless killer.

Regarding of the whole delena / stelena ship war... *sighs* 😔 I honestly don’t know 🤷‍♀️ Both relationships seem hella toxic (for different reasons, but still). I do believe Elena loved them both (maybe not at the same time, though). So, I don’t know who she should have ended up with... I remember shipping her with Damon on my first watch, but now I realise that was purely for the bad boy vibes (i.e bad boy, who, deep down, isn’t so bad because turns out he can change and blah blah blah... ugh what a cliché i know 🙄). So anyway, I’m not gonna defend Delena, it’s as messed up as Stelena if you ask me. But that’s where my heart went on the first watch and that’s who she canonically ends up with, so I’m not gonna fight it and try to make a case of whether she should have ended up with another person (or alone?). In my head, she’s with Damon 🙃 Just cause’ it’s easier, more convinient, and I’m lazy that way 😅 But I understand people who ship/prefer Stelena over Delena. I’m just not THAT invested in this freaking love triangle anymore ✋

The show really took off when they introduced the original vampires if you ask me 🧛‍♂️ Their backstory is so tragic, and after that, it makes more sense why Elijah, Rebekah and Klaus are so close, trust each other so much and manage to forgive the worst of each other💖

Rebekah, that poor girl who only ever wanted to have a human normal life and to BOND with people (whether they were family, friends or more than friends...) 💕has been betrayed by EVERYONE 🔪She was daggered more times than I can even count, and I’m surprised she hasn’t killed everyone out of pure revenge yet!

Yeeeeep. Still ships Klaroline. ❤️

My God, what would I give to see Caroline explore this world and enjoy the perks of her vampire life with Klaus...🥰 She wanted that. She secretly dreamed of that. And frankly, she deserved that. She deserved to feel happy and fulfilled and excited about her future! She deserved more than the life she got in Mystic Falls ✨ More than Tyler! More than Jessy. More than Damon. And more than Stefan too, even if she did seem happy with him in the end. I think I liked Klaus as a romantic option for the same reasons I liked Damon back then. For the challenge. For the way they always push their girlfriends further, and make them want more of life than what they’ve got. For the way they make them ambitious.

I think the reason this season feels so useless is because they try to find a way to eliminate the Original family... only to find out that if they do that, EVERY VAMPIRE EVER WILL ALSO DIE 👏

I despised the whole evil alter ego trope that they did with Alaric 😪😴 I liked the idea of the ring having real bad consequences. But here, Alaric can’t take responsibility for wanting to cheat on death precisely because he has a second personality that he cannot control. The blame is just put on somebody else, an entire other person that just cohabits in Alaric’s body. I never really liked the whole Dr Jekill & Mr Hide trope 🤷‍♀️ And I don’t think it was bringing anything to the table, honestly. It’s boring (because SO obvious and predictable) and it takes forever to deal with (ugh) 😑

NOOOOOOOOOO RICK 😭💔 He was one of my favorite character. I really loved his relationship with Elena and Jeremy + his friendship with Damon. I’m gonna miss him really hard. The scene with Damon on his grave was really sweet 🥺

S4:

Elena being a vampire : YES! 👏 We’ve been waiting for this for so long, the show really needed this to go on (realistically the show would have had trouble to move on if Elena would have stayed human for a lot longer). So I’m really glad about that being the premise for s4 ☺️ Plus her transition is well handled, with her memories coming back + her emotions being heightened (the scene where she bursts into laugh and cannot stop was really funny and somehow relatable 😂).

The scene in the car with Stefan, Matt & Elena VS Stefan, Elena & her father was really well done! 👏 I loved the parallel where she wants Stefan to save Matt first, just like her father wanted him to save Elena first. So touching 💕 It’s a tough choice and Stefan will have to live with both consequences for the rest of his life, which will NOT be easy with Damon blaming him for Elena’s death. But, really, Damon kinda has a point : "in what world are you [Matt] the one that gets to live?”. Matt has been saved so many times on the show and it’s legit to ask yourself : WHY? Why him? 🤷‍♀️He’s so irrelevant and useless. But I get that’s the whole point. Human life is irrelevant and useless (in the great scheme of things). And yet, we fight for it ✊ Because somehow it matters.

S4 helped me remember what I didn’t like about Stefan, regarding his relationship with Elena. He really had a big problem with her being a vampire, and he spent half of his time trying to “control” / “fix” her 🙄 He’s got such high standards for Elena when she turns into a vampire. It’s like he expects her to not make the same mistakes as he - or any other vampire in the history of vampirism - did. He desperately wants her to be a “good” vampire right away and avoid the “killer without humanity” phase 🤔 Which is understandable. He doesn’t want her to become a bad vampire who doesn’t care about human life, as he was during his ripper phase (or like Damon).

Damon truly accepted her, the new her, vampire! Elena 👐 You can argue that it’s because he’s selfish and he wants people to act as bad and carelessly as him (that’s why he tried to manipulate Stefan into drinking human blood again in s1 : he doesn’t want to be alone and he needs someone else to party with)... But he isn’t selfish when it comes to Elena 🤷‍♀️ The show proved us that. He wanted her to have a human normal life, to be happy, to grow old and have children. He wanted to give her that, and that’s why he would have saved her over Matt on the bridge. He’s not happy that she is a vampire. That’s not what he wanted. Never. But now that she is, and that there’s nothing they can do about it (that they know of), Damon tries to make the best out of it

Anyway, Caroline is such a better teacher then Damon or Stefan 😅 Drop the Salvatore brothers and get educated on the vampire life with your bff, Elena !

Elena being sired by Damon, OMMGG! 😮😮😮 So much drama, I really loved it. It was smart to use that as a way to postpone Delena for a little bit - playing on the general doubt that Elena might not truly love Damon and she might just be under the influence of the sire bond. Which, let’s be honest, was a legit consideration to have. So, yeah... REALLY GLAD that, in the end, the sire bond didn’t create those feelings out of nowhere, it only heightened and amplified what was already there beforehand. Otherwise, it would have been really problematic, especially regarding consent issues 😕

I love that Damon makes the right choice again with Elena and “sets her free”. He doesn’t want their relationship to be fake. And so he uses the sire bond to send her away, to be herself, to live her life without worrying about what makes him happy. You can say everything you want about Damon, at least he gets it right by her ☝️Just like when he confessed his feelings to her, but compelled her to forget because she’s in love with Stefan and he doesn’t want to mess it up. He was not selfish when it came to her.

It was really heartbreaking to see Jeremy becoming a hunter and having the sudden urges to kill his own sister and basically everybody else in his life 😢

Poor Carol Lockwood! 💔 She didn’t deserve to die. She tried so hard to help for Tyler, even when she learnt he was a werewolf, she cared so much for him...😭

Their inability to communicate with each other is INSANE. At some point in s4, they all know Shane is practicing a magic called “Expression”. Damon and Stefan also know that kind of magic is incredibly dark and dangerous (from their little trip to New Orleans when they tried to find a way to deactivate the sire bond and the witch there told them she wasn’t practicing this kind of magic). But NO ONE has still put two and two together. And so, Bonnie keeps blindly trusting Shane and hanging out with him 🤦‍♀️

The whole search for the cure was quite interesting and entertaining to watch! Each one of them wanted it for a different reason : destroy it, use it, share it, give it away, save it for later... Which really well portrayed how people can react to the idea of mortality. The fact that there’s only one dose was really genius! That makes it even more interesting to see who’s gonna fight for it (i.e. Rebekah, Stefan), who’s gonna just drop it because turns out they didn’t really want it to begin with (i.e. Damon, Caroline), who’s gonna exchange/bargain it and for what (i.e Katherine, maybe), who’s gonna get it the end and what will they do with it. Will it all be worth it? 🧐

Jeremyyyyy 💔😭 R.I.P 💀

Honestly, even though I still think Matt is irrelevant to the show, let’s remember he also has lost every single person in his life (his dad and his mom are basically gone, Vicky is dead, Tyler left town again, his goddamn history teacher died too) - and now he can add Jeremy, his best friend, to the list 😭 He’s handling it all WAY better than anyone else. I mean you don’t see him burning down the house he grew up in for instance! However, I agree that Elena have lost more people in her family than him (her adoptive parents, Jenna, Alaric, Jeremy, even John... and Isobel is basically gone too). But it’s not like you can compare their lost, anyway. They boty suffered a lot, but I just wanted to say... I liked that the show acknowledged Matt lost someone important for him too 💕

No humanity! Elena, OOMMMGGG!! 🤯 I was so mad when it happened, because Damon could have just used the sire bond to make her deal with her brother’s death, he could have just helped through the grief and tell her it was going to be okay. He didn’t need to make her turn off her humanity 🙄 Real dumb move here!

I kinda liked the friendship between Elena without humanity and Rebecca! Their little trip starting off in NY was fun!

Katherine is, and will always be, the baddest bitch in town! ❤️ I was quite surprised to see her kill Jeremy so heartlessly, but I guess it fits the character. She’ll always be looking out for herself and the opportunity to take the cure and be one step ahead of everyone was obviously too good to leave out. She always had to fight for her own survival, in a world that’s always been dangerous and ruthless against her, so it makes sense she became who she is 🤷‍♀️

Of all the things that could have triggered Elena’s humanity flip switch, really? Matt Donovan? 🤨😑 I mean, it makes sense since Elena seems to value his life over everything else, including her own. But from what we’ve seen so far, she wasn’t really happy when she was dating Matt 😕 They used to fight a lot, they didn’t want the same thing out of life, they just were really different people. And that’s fine, they didn’t work out as a couple, but they can stay friend... Except you don’t really see them interract THAT much as friends. I mean it’s a lot of "say" and not enough "show", for me 🧐 You don’t feel the bond that two best friends should have... between them. You don’t see inside jokes, common interests, similar hobbies, laughters and tears, serious conversations that last for hours, or small talks over the phone... Anyway, from what we were shown so far, she shouldn’t feel that close to Matt. Not more than, idk, Bonnie, Caroline, Damon or Stefan for instance! So the fact that she cares SO MUCH about him is kinda strange 🤔

“He was your first love, I intend to be your last. However long that takes” LOOK WHO’S BAAAACK 👀 My favorite hybrid! Awww of course he was gonna come back for Caroline ❤️

Btw the ceremony was very cute 💕 It’s the end of high school! The end of an era! And they all graduated 🍾🎊🎉

Awwwwww, when Bonnie dropped the veil and everyone got to see their dead friends and family again! Stefan & Lexi, Damon and Alaric, Elena & Jeremy 💖

BONNIIIIIE, OH NOOOO, WHYYY 😭💔 oh no no no no no no no, she wants to keep her death a secret from everyone, that is such a bad idea!!! 😣

OMG SILAS IS A DOPPELGÄNGER OF STEFAN !!! 🤯 POOR STEFAN IS STUCK IN THE BOTTOM OF THE LAKE AND NO ONE KNOWS, NOOOOOO 💔😭

S5 :

The whole college experience with Caroline and Elena was so fun to rewatch😁 I wish Bonnie could have been there though, even if she kinda was.

It feels good to watch Elena and Damon being happily in love together and enjoying the summer ❤️☀️ But when you think about Stefan drowning over and over in that lake... it feels so bad :(

Katherine as a human is devastatingly entertaining! "I’m the freaking moonstone" 🤣 So iconic that she, of all people, took the cure! I loved that twist.

I loved the complicated and messy love triangle between Quetsiya, Amara and Silas. I want to empathise with Quetsiya and support her, because Silas screwed her over in such a supernatural, mystical way... he cheated on her and tricked her. He manipulated her to get what he wanted. So yeah, I’m all team Quetsiya ✊ but then again, she is sort of over-paranoid and obssesive? 🤷‍♀️ And being screwed over by a guy doesn’t exactly justify her quest for vengeance. So... I guess the only one who’s okay is Amara?? We don’t see a lot of her but I respect her wish to die after thousands of year in pain, as the anchor of the other side (which, btw, was BRILLIANT! 🤯 Quetsiya’s a genius! o.O)

"You are my life" ❤️ GOD, Damon always finding the right words!

I hate the travelers storyline 🙅‍♀️ I find it incredibly boring and I’m not that attached to Nadia. The only thing I liked about her was her relationship with her mom, Katherine. But apart from that, I don’t really like them as villains, nor as their storyline with Silas 😑😕

Stefan loosing his memory is okay-ish. It’s such a cliché as a trope, but it sort of works because Paul Wesley does such a great work at portraying different Stefans 👍 and it’s always entertaining to watch. And even though I usually ship Delena, I have to admit Elena recreating some moments with Stefan was very cute! 💕So it works but I’m not a big fan.

What I am a big fan of is the evolving relationship between Damon and Jeremy! 🥰 I mean, you can see that he didn’t really care about him, that he was mostly protecting him as a way to please Elena... But then, something changed 🤔He started caring for him for real, kinda like a big brother would:)

"You’re Katherine Pierce. Suck it up" hell yes 💪 keep fightingt, love !

Awwwwwww Bonnie 💔 Why do you always have to sacrifice yourself and put everyone else’s happiness before your own?? It’s really sad to see her becoming the anchor of the other side, feeling literally every single death of all the supernatural beings out there :’(

The Augustine vampire storyline!! 😮I’ve had completely forgotten about that! I love how they connected Damon with that institution, and how they introduced Enzo as Damon’s old mate. Well done👍

Katherine in Elena’s body: OMG! Love it! She’s such a survivor ❤️ That’s gonna mess things up so bad xD (btw the fact NO ONE notices anything is kinda weird and if I was Elena, I would be offended)

Nooooooo, don’t break up with Damon as Elena !!! 😱😱 Uuuughhh!!! Whyyy 😭

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG CAROLINE SLEPT WITH KLAUS !!! ❤️HELL YAS B**CH!!! SHE FINALLY ADMITTED HER FEELINGS FOR HIM !!! THEY KISSED !!! IT’S OFFICIAL !!! (i know klaus will never come back to TVD ever again buuuut... i’m still so so SO happy about that Klaroline reunion!)

Awwwww my baby Liv ❤️ I’ve missed her, she was so precious in season 5 !

Katherine AGRESSIVELY flirting with Stefan, while pretending to be Elena, was... both fun and hard to watch 😅Katherine was soooo pushy! And the fact that Stefan still doesn’t see she’s not Elena was infuriating! Like there’s just no way Elena would ever act like that!

"You’re never gonna as interesting as the next guy she wants to sleep with” poor Nadia 😭 that’s so true though :/ she didn’t deserve to die, I was really sad for her. She deserved a better life than the one she’s got 💔💔💔

FINALLY! 🙌 Finally they put two and two together and figured out Katherine is inside Elena’s body! Thank God 🙏 Caroline made me laugh so much with her "it’s Elena, we would have noticed something" speech. I was like YES. MY POINT EXACTLY 👏 I loved when they figured out all the little details that have been wrong ever since the beginning of this whole mess, like : Katherine was the reason that Tyler knew Caroline slept with Klaus. And Caroline’s like : oooohhh it all makes sense now. Wow. Congrats for figuring this out just now! 🙄

R.I.P Katherine ❤️ Weirdly, she will be missed. She did deserve better.

Jeremy was kind of a jerk with Bonnie in s5 ? I mean he was okay in the first few episodes i guess but then he completely ignored her... not cool bro, not cool 👎

The whole "Why do people seem to expect more of me?" speech of Caroline felt very relatable 👏 Just because she’s kind, because she’s trying to do good, doesn’t mean it’s easier for her! 😤 Plus, why do people keep slut-shaming her for having sex with Klaus when she’s not the first, nor the last, to have had one night stands with - arguably - bad people! ✋

Damon and Elena breaking up : lol 😆 As if. We know they’re endgame. Please. It’s only a matter of episodes until they find their way back to each other, which is why they are kinda cute as a couple.

Ugh 😑 Markos 🤦‍♀️ I just can’t ✋

Bonniiiiiiiiiiie !! Stop lying to everybody!! I hated how she was pretending she had a spell to escape the Other Side collapsing! Haven’t you learnt anything by now? Talk to your friend, figure out a plan together and if not, at leat say your goodbyes and enjoy your last moments with them!

Did I already say I hate the travelers storyline? Well, I do. I hate it 🤬

Season 5 finale was PEFRECT, I loved it. Bonnie resurrecting everyone, Liv doing the spell, Silas helping them just to be destroyed in the end (a fitting ending), Damon and Elena driving through the Grill to kill all the travelers, Alaric coming back, Markos dying... BUT. But, but, but, I was so upset about Damon!! It was just a matter of time and if they would have just kept going with the spell for a few seconds (damn you, Luke!), he would have been able to come through! And Lexi, omg 😭 at least she found peace❤️

Btw, that’s exactly what I meant about Bonnie’s character. Throughout the seasons she never stops sacrificing herself for other people (sometimes those people don’t even deserve it). She keeps lying to everyone. She lied when she died the day of graduation. She didn’t say how much it hurt her to be the anchor. She lied when she said they had a way to bring her back from the Other Side when it was collapsing. She kept minimising her (big-ass) problems. She kept putting other people before herself. And she’s one of the characters who suffered the most. Her storyline revolves around pain. The show doesn’t allow her to be fully happy. And btw, no one truly cares about her happiness (except maybe Jeremy and then Enzo), at least not when somebody else’s safety or comfort is at play. She’s never number 1 on the priority list. If somebody needs her to do a spell or whatever, they will use her. No matter how much danger she puts herself in 🤬

"Please don’t leave me” 😭😭😭 I felt that... It crushed my heart 💔

S6 :

I loved the way everybody coped with Bonnie and Damon’s deaths 💕 Elena got addicted to some magical herbs that made her hallucinate Damon again because she couldn’t deal with his death. Jeremy left a tone of angry voicemails to Bonnie’s old phone - which he paid for. Caroline got dragged into work and research in order to find a way to get back in Mystical Falls. Stefan moved on completely and started off a new life. It’s just... a nice way to show grief 😊

Ooohh I smell some Steroline moments!! Poor Caroline. To me, she deserved better than Stefan! He was such a jerk to her, especially in the beginning 😤😡

NOOOOOOOOOOOO 💔 ELENA DON’T ERASE YOUR MEMORIES! WHAT! WILL! YOU! DO! WHEN! DAMON! INEVITABLY! COMES! BACK! Elenaaaaa 😤 You have to learn how to deal with grief for real !

The fact she trusts Rick completely to do that was so beautiful though... They’re family and it was nice to see their bond.

Bonnie and Damon were kinda cute ! Like I don’t ship them, per say. But I get why some people do 🤷‍♀️ They had chemistry and they worked as an enemies to lovers trope. Anyway, I personally liked their friendship, how they both learnt how to support each other, how to function as a team, how they helped each other through the worst! In the end, Damon truly cared about her, and that’s why he was ready to do anything in order to save her 💪

Kaaaaaaiiiiii 🙈 i’m so conflicted about ya

I totally ship Jalaric ! ❤️ I loved how Elena tried to fix them up together! They’re really cute together. They both have complicated pasts and a messy family. They understand each other :) And Jo is such a confident woman! She knows what she wants, she’s not afraid of speaking her mind, she’s kinda fierce!

The fact that Elena wanted her memories back JUST when Alaric became human again was just... aaarrghh 🤬

"I think I deserve better than that” YES 👏 YOU 👏 DO 👏 CAROLINE! Stefan treated you like shit and you’re right to protect yourself, sweatheart 💕 I really didn’t like how he tried so hard to make amends... without acknowledging how much he hurt her, how he abandoned everyone, how he behaved like a jerk. I liked that Caroline took some distances for her own good 💖 #SelfRespectIsReal

The Gemini coven was really interesting. This idea of such a dysfunctional family, with a psychopath brother who killed half his siblings to merge with his twin sister in order to get leadership for the coven... it was all very compelling! Loved it ❤️

I think I have a thing for storylines about supernatural families in TVD : the Salvatores, the Mikealsons, the Parkers !

Liv and Tyler... mmm... don’t care 🤷‍♀️

You’re telling me that Damon got out of the prison world, even KAI got out, and BONNIE still gets stuck over there!! 🤬 Wtf ?? Why does this show hate this character so much? Why is she always the one who gets screwed in the end?? I just hate the way they treated her!! 😱

There was literally no good outcome to that whole twin-merging-together mess. If Liv merged with Luke, one of them would die and that’s not an option! If Kai merged with Jo, there was a huge chance he would win, which is simply not acceptable at all. Anyway, what a mess!

Kai literally sucking all the magic from the travelers’ spell, finally breaking it, allowing vampires to come back to Mystic Falls, was just... wOw! o.O

Luke merging with Kai 😭 R.I.P 💔

The ONLY good thing about that merge was watching Kai trying to deal with his feelings like ??? what’s going on??? 🧐🧐Why do i... feel??... stuff ?? 🤨🤨

"So I googled how to process emotional pain", i mean i hear you my boy, let’s not pretend that’s not my usual monday 👩🏻‍💻 "so i start writing and this water literally started pouring in my eyes ?? does that ever happen to you ??”, again same 😂

Jeremy going to art school... meh, it was okay. Clearly they didn’t know what to do with him anymore, so yeah, why not art school? 🤷‍♀️ The going-away party was nice :) Damon giving a joint to Jeremy was sort of sweet, Elena smoking it with him was also cool and quite funny!

Ugh 😑 Enzo & Sarah Salvatore... 🙄 this storyline was so boring, i just didn’t care

First Steroline kiss! 😳😮 Okay, that was kinda cute, I have to admit. But still, I don’t like the fondation of this ship, I think that Stefan hurt her too bad and, most importantly, didn’t respect her enough to get to come back and kiss her.

Sheriff Forbes being sick was KILLING me 😭😭😭 She didn’t deserve that at all, she was the sweatest, kindest, purest, most compassionate woman on this show... and she passed it on to Caroline...

The scene with the bike and little Caroline was so touching ❤️❤️😭 RIP Liz’!

OMGOMGOMG!!! Caroline flipped her humanity switch! 😱 "I just need the pain to be gone" 😭 I get why she did it, and I also thought Elena was being a little bit condescending with her. She had the right to turn it all out. Everyone else did. I get why she thought it was unfair :/

BONNIE’S BACK Y’ALL ❤️❤️❤️

I do not understand why people on this show just won’t accept people turning off their humanity switch 🤷‍♀️ I mean, Stefan, Damon, Elena,... they all did it! And every single time, the others tried really hard to fix that. And I’m like : why? I’m not sure it’s the smartest move here 🧐 Because they usually end up making things worse 😑 Look at Elena : she just wanted to not feel the pain of her brother’s death for a while. She even tried to make a deal with Stefan and Damon : leave me alone, let me do my things and I’ll behave. But of course, they refused 🙄🤦‍♀️ Because they couldn’t accept the fact that their precious Elena would ever be bad and do bad thing 😒🙄 And then Elena became ruthless! Who would have thought? 🙄 Same for Caroline! The poor girl lost her mother. She just wanted to get waisted, sing some karaoke songs, and live her vampire life without any care in the world. She even erased Liam’s memories when she fed on him. Her first instinct was to buy new clothes to start over and come back to her dorm to keep leaving her old college life! She kinda had it under control 🤷‍♀️ And then, she suggested a deal, kind of like the one Elena tried to make with Stefan and Damon :☝️ one year without humanity, and she behaves and doesn’t kill anyone. That’s a good deal if you ask me 🤷‍♀️ Why not let her have that? Why not agree with that deal? Caroline without humanity is still Caroline (sort of) : she’s functional, and to quote Caroline herself : she is not an idiot. She doesn’t want to feel so she’s ready to do anything to not be bothered. I think she would have respected her end of the deal. If you take a good look at it, in both cases, it’s when other people tried to bring them back, when they broke the deal, that Elena/Caroline became killers.

Stefan shutting off his humanity was so dumb 🤦‍♀️🙄 Elena was going to find Sarah, he still had time! And even if she didn’t, and Liam killed Sarah, it’d be one ☝️ dead body. But by turning off his humanity, Stefan practically ensured that there’d be more dead bodies after that!

Damon’s mom... urf, yeah? sure. I guess I should care? 🤷‍♀️ Honestly, even when I first watched the show, I found that storyline super boring. She didn’t inspire me anything whatsoever. Anyway, using her as Stefan’s emotional trigger was sort of smart, but kinda reckless. I mean, they had no idea if it was gonna work or not, and still they still risked it, I-... urf 🤦‍♀️

I liked Stefan’s little revenge 😈😈 He’s like : no, no, no, Caroline, you don’t get to have an elaborate system that protects you from feeling guilt whenever you’ll decide to turn your humanity back on. I’m gonna make your life a living-hell. I’m gonna break you. You don’t get to ruin MY life and keep being the same control-freak, organised, college girl 💁‍♀️

Alaric&Jo thinking about baby names 🥰

The cure is BACK??? Hell no 😤 I mean, sure, it was interesting the first time, don’t get me wrong. But we’ve already watched that storyline. So 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I hate how suddenly, everybody’s like "omg poor Elena will NEVER get the life that she truly wants, she’s condamned to an eternity as a vampire, without ever having the possibility of settling down and starting a family" 😱 like i don’t know Elena’s been FINE about her vampirism for like 4 seasons. She seems happy, she seems to have found a way to make the best out of it. But sure, NOW that the cure is back, she feels like her life is unbearable - how convenient🙄

"For the first time, I’m putting ME first" HELL YES, BONNIE ✊🏿 I wish she could do that more often though.

Awwww Caroline getting her humanity back was really sad and emotional 💕💕The LETTER 😭 The fucking letter 😭 "I’m sorry Stefan, I ruined everything" 😭

Are we gonna address Matt, Tyler and Alaric’s alcoholism or are we simply gonna pretend they don’t have a drinking problem and their behaviour is totally socially-acceptable ?? 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

I know it was her choice and it was probably for the best, but I think Elena taking the cure was a big mistake 😕 The show was way more entertaining when she was a vampire, and they basically erased every possibility of a "happy" ending for my favorite characters 💔 Elena will loose everyone she ever cared about, including Stefan and Caroline. She will have to move out of Mystic Falls and isolate herself from all her former friends. Damon is taking the cure with her so he will have to say goodbye to his own brother, the only family he has left. All of that... for a human life ?? A meaningless job?? Bills to pay?? School?? Money issues?? A house to maintain?? Misery and despair?? Children?? In that messed up world?? With that economy??? And the environment crisis we’re living?? Nope, I don’t get it 🤷‍♀️ I just don’t.

Secretly, I had always dreamed of Elena, Stefan, Damon and Caroline all being vampires and spending eternity together. And double date forever, I guess 😅

NOOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭 R.I.P Jo 💔

LIV !!!! 💔 NO, NO, NO, NO! Whyyyy 😭

AND THAT BASTARD GETS TO LIVE!!! What did do you do Lily? Oh my freaking God, why would you turn Kai into an heretic? He was already such a pain in the ass and now he’s even more powerful! Thanks to you, he has killed his entire family and he gets to live!! 🤬🤬

I ABSOLUTELY HATE WHAT THEY DID WITH BONNIE AND ELENA!! That whole "I linked your life with Elena’s" 😡 Cause it’s like : OF COURSE, we want to pick the main character. Of course we want Elena to come back to life. Of course we would be ready to sacrifice Bonnie if it means that Elena gets to live in the present with her friends and family. BUT BONNIE DOESN’T DESERVE THAT! She deserves to be the one, as Caroline used to say, to be picked upon everybody else. She deserves to live as much as Elena, even more (after everything she has done, everything she has sacrificed for her friends). She deserves to be happy! But now, everyone resents her for being alive, because if she’s alive then that means she is taking "Elena’s place". Now she feels guilty for being alive and breathing. For. Fucking. Being. Alive. Think about that. Again, I’m sorry if I repeat myself but : WHY THE HELL DID THIS SHOW HATE BONNIE’S CHARACTER SO MUCH?? 🤬🤬🤬

I’m just gonna say it once : The show is just not the same without Elena 🤷‍♀️

Btw, I KNOW Kai specifically said not to try anything to undo the spell he casted - otherwise Elena and Bonnie would BOTH die... But I’m surprised they didn’t even try to search for a loophole 🤔 I mean, let’s be real, when has Damon ever listened to anyone trying to reason with him? When did any of them? 🤷‍♀️ Bonnie would NEVER stop looking for a magical loophole to save her best friend. Caroline would read an entire library of mystical books to find a clue. Stefan and Damon would travelled the whole world to meet with different witches, trying to find some kind of magic that could undo the spell. No one would ever listen to Kai and just do nothing! I mean, he could be bluffing for all they know 😵 He could be saying that in order to mess with them. Were they really gonna take his word for granted? 🤔 I’m not saying "try the first anti-spell you find and roll the dices", but at least try and look for something!

S7 :

Anyway, AT LEAST, we get to see some good sweet Bamon scenes ! I love how Damon seemed to genuinely care about Bonnie. He didn’t want her to die, even if it meant he would see Elena again 💕

"You’re my best friend" awwwwww ❤️

I... liked the Heretics!😳 They were a fun new, even if they reminded me of Pearl and her vampire friends (in the "we are trying to coexist with humans but some of us don’t want to" trope). And again, I kinda have a thing for supernatural dysfunctional family, so... 🤷‍♀️ Valerie was very relatable as a depressed immortal being, Beau was so loyal it was really sweet, Malcom was boring but he died pretty quickly so he wasn’t in the show for long, Mary Louise and Nora were... the absolute cutest couple ❤️

How many times can they evacuate Mystic Falls without people realizing something’s wrong? 🤔 How many stories about gaz leak can they come up with?? 🤦‍♀️ Where are all the humans going? They’re moving away because they’re all compelled, sure, but to go where? like how can that many people find new homes in new cities, especially considering this crappy housing market? It just seems pretty unlikely that these people would just start over so easily, find new jobs, new homes for their families🧐

Stefan & Valerie was basically Steferine all over again 🤷‍♀️ I don’t have anything against Valerie herself. I think she’s probably the nicest one amongst the heretics. I even liked her chemistry with Stefan but it’s the same storyline recycled all over again, so I don’t really care much. Plus, I liked the idea that Katherine was Stefan’s first love (💕). First of all, Katherine being Stefan’s first love makes their story... EPIC. We, as an audience, care deeply about Katherine (whether we like her or not). She’s a regular and important character. We want her to have a compelling story, one that fits the legend that was Katherine Pierce. Valerie, as nice and interesting as she can be, only appears in the two last season. Plus, if Stefan had already been in love with Valerie and had already had his heart broken BEFORE knowing Katherine, then he should have acted differently when he met her 💡 He should have been way more suspiciously towards her 🧐 he wouldn’t have so easily trusted another woman, coming at his door with a pity story... if he had already been betrayed and abandoned by THE FIRST WOMAN he ever loved, the one who took his "v-card", his first love.

Hello Oscar... Goodbye Oscar 👋

Are you kidding me ? Bonnie is in pain yet again, because of some mystical element AGAIN, and nobody cares AGAIN. People keep using her, lying to her, manipulating her to get what they want and I- 🤬 Btw HOW is she okay with this? How would Bonnie ever agree to help raise people from the dead? What about her values and morals? What about everything she believes in??

These "Three Years from Now" scenes were just TERRIBLE 🤦‍♀️ Epic failure. I simply don’t care about whatever happens in the "future”. I’ll make my own headcanons, thank you ✋

JULIAN... UGH 🤢🤮 Could you be even more despicable?? Beating up a pregnant woman to the point of loosing her baby?? Poor Valerie, she didn’t feel like she could tell her own mother about that cause’ she knew Lily wouldn’t believe her 😢

Awwwwwww Ric bringing ""Jo"" back from the dead 😭💖 I felt bad for that poor vampire who just woke up in somebody else’s body, after years being trapped in some hell... And It was really heartbreaking to watch him get his hopes up and then realise she wasn’t his wife :’(

OMG CAROLINE’S PREGNANT??? 🤰WITH RIC’S BABIES??? 😱 I... I don’t even know what to think of that. I don’t really know how to react... Good for the twins? I guess? Yay, they’re alive? But... I don’t know, seems kinda rapy to put someone else’s babies inside a woman’s body without her consent ?? 🧐

The fact that Valerie HAD to confess her very traumatic story, to multiple people, MULTIPLE TIMES... because it was convenient to the plot was disgusting! 🤮🤬 She was merely used as a reason to try to kill Julian... Valerie was beaten by Julian to the point she lost her baby! She never said anything because she was afraid no one would believe her/people would judge her/people would hurt her - which is completely understandable considering how traumatic this must have been for her! But then she comes back to MF and Stefan keeps asking her to justify herself like she owes him a goddamn explanation for not having returned earlier as she had promised... um? I get that Stefan had his heart broken back then, but aren’t you mature enough NOW to understand something wrong must have happened?? And that maybe she just doesn’t want to talk about it because it still hurts?? It’s HER life and she is entitled to live it however the hell she wants?? EVEN if she just changed her mind and decided not to come back for an entirely different reason, it’s her choice! Having sex with someone ONCE doesn’t mean you OWE them anything! 🤦‍♀️🤬 Promises were made, sure, but they were both very young and things can change! ANYWAY... And when they need allies to kill Julian, she is almost forced to tell her story again, just to make people feel pity and sympathy... She’s not a damn tool, for God’s sake, respect the poor girl! 😤

While rewatching the show, I kind of like that they addressed Lily’s romantic patterns and how she had a tendency to chose violent, controlling, abusing husbands (first Giuseppe, and then Julian...) 🧐 It was touching to hear her story, and to understand that she only stayed with Giuseppe back then to protect her sons, Damon & Stefan. She had a plan to run away, she wanted to escape because she knew she was in danger with him, she was well aware he wasn’t treating her right. But sometimes you can’t just go away. Sometimes things are more complicated. ��‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ I liked that she realised her own pattern and that she tried to stand up for herself against Julian after that... even though it didn’t end well (which... seriously? 🤦‍♀️ She killed herself? Is that the message you wanna send to all the people stuck in abusive/violent relationship? 🤮)

Poor Lily 😭😭😭 R.I.P. 💔

Damon burning Elena’s coffin... 🔥🔥 Yeah. Sure. As if 🙄 Honestly, even on my first watch, I wasn’t believing it. The show without Elena is such a catastrophic mess! If she had died in her sleep, it would have been devastating. I don’t think the show would have survived that. I think it would have been cancelled before s8, or something like that.

Stefan was... surprisingly not reacting a lot to Caroline being PREGNANT🤰?? I mean... I don’t know... I was expecting some kind of big talk about it. Like "hey Caroline, how are you feeling about all this? What are your thoughts about having Ric’s babies? Do you even want to pursue the pregnancy (cause you DON’T have to carry someone else’s babies!)? What does this pregnancy mean to you? What will happen once the babies are born? Would you consider having shared custody with Ric? Or if you don’t want to be involved at all, would you like the twins not to know you were the one who carried them? Did you ever or would you ever want to be a mom? Would you want to have children of your own in the future? Do you ever think of that?” 🤷‍♀️ And those are just EXAMPLES. He didn’t have to ask all of these questions all at once! But you know, I wish they could have at least discussed some of these points together. Instead, he just let her "handle her things", because good old organised Caroline has every figured it out, of course! 🙄🙄 sure, she can take care of everything on her own 🤦‍♀️

I didn’t like the idea of putting Damon & Stefan in the Phoenix Stone... if it was all JUST to do THAT in the end. They tried to add some PTSD, pain and remorse but failed at making it compelling to the audience. Wooow, Stefan must let go of his toxic relationship with his brother in order to save himself... How obnoxious can you be, TVD? And oooohh, Damon must get rid off his toxic masculinity to face the fact that he loved and misses his mother... how original!! 🙄 I just feel like TVD was trying hard to be deeper than they were, and it didn’t work (for me)

FINALLY JULIAN IS DEAD 🙌🙏🎉

The Huntress was, like, a JOKE, okay? She’s supposed to have killed a thousands of vampires. Even heretics feared her. Stefan & Damon should already have been dead by now! What is she doing? How are we supposed to be afraid of her? She’s not doing anything, she is barely a threat 🤦‍♀️

Am I the only one who kinda saw great chemistry between Nora and Bonnie?💕

I LOVE how Klaus just IMMEDIATELY understood that Caroline was NEVER gonna let go of these kids 😍 I just love how he ultimately gets her, how he’s able to predict exactly what’s she’s going to do because he just knows her that well. Their phone talk was VERY cute ❤️ I love how he teased her with her own words : how she said she couldn’t possibly allow herself to be with him because she was "in college, building a life for herself” and he just wasn’t in the picture... and then turns out... she had kids! 😅 He sounded surprised but not completely shocked and I love how he was very understanding and sweet with her, she needed that 💕

Btw this season is just desperately LONG!

Awwww... Caroline... 😬 I understand why she wanted to stay in Dallas, and why she asked Stefan to consider moving here... but she should have been honest with him right away, the minute he picked up the phone. She should have told him she wanted to be involved in these kids’ life. I know that she was afraid Stefan wouldn’t want to “settle down" with her and take care of the twins... but she could have asked him. Directly. Clearly. Maybe he wouldn’t have minded living with her and raising the twins in some kind of shared custody 🤷‍♀️ Family comes in all shapes and sizes (💖), and as long as they told the truth to the twins, it wouldn’t have been a problem. And if Stefan didn’t want that at all, or wasn’t ready, or whatever, then they could have ended their relationship in a healthy way. By acknowledging they both wanted different things and that it just didn’t work out, as it often happens in life. But here, they’re just stuck in the middle... and it’s awkward 😳😐 Clearly, Caroline wants to live near the girls. She wants to be their mom, and clearly Stefan doesn’t seem THAT into it. But no one is saying anything and it’s just weird! 😤

I understand why Damon would make the choice of dessiccating in a coffin until Elena came back 🙂 He didn’t do it just for love. Not just because he missed her. Not because life was unbearable without her. That would have been really lame btw 😒 He did it because he didn’t want to directly or indirectly hurt people around him. And you know what, for once that was kind of the best, most reasonable - and most noble - decision to make. I was proud of him. The letter he gave Alaric was pretty sweet, but I’m glad Bonnie got to catch him before he left 💕

Bonnie saying "I’m not okay with that”😭 I was soooo glad that FOR ONCE she said what she was really thinking ! 👐Damon is her best friend, and I truly believe learning he left in a letter would have been devastating for her 😞 His choice means she will most likely NEVER see him again, ever, in her entire life 💔 I can totally understand her asking sincerly "are we friends?" cause if one my friends dared to do that, I would be pretty upset. I liked that she asked him to be honest. No joke. No deflecting mecanism. No sarcasm. No insults. Just the truth. ❤️

I REALLY REALLY don’t care about what happens "three years from now" 🤷‍♀️ Ugh I hate this season, things are so slow and boring, the storyline isn’t interesting at all, and frankly... i wanna die💀

NOOOOO MARY-LOUISE AND NORA DIDN’T DESERVE THAT 💔😭😭

Ugh 😑 The whole idea of the vampire souls trapped in the Phoenix’s stone being reunited with the wrong bodies was just lame and boring 😒

I genuinely felt bad for Valerie 😞 you can see she truly loved Stefan and it must have hurt to see he didn’t feel the same, despite having spent basically three years together :/ Again, that’s kind of my general problem with Stefan: he’s so afraid he’s gonna hurt people that he’s never fully honest with anyone! 🙄 Same shit with Caroline. He just abandoned her because he couldn’t deal with this situation. What Stefan fails to realise is that he does hurt people by keeping things from them, by always running away. I’m sorry but women around him deserve better 🤷‍♀️

Bonenzo... I remember shipping it back then, but now, I just don’t feel it 🤷‍♀️ i get why people do, sure they both care deeply about each other and you can clearly see that (the guitar scenes were very cute 💕)... but it’s mostly flashbacks and that doesn’t have the same effect on me. Because I wasn’t there to see them developing a special bond over time. I still think they’re cute and I’m happy to see Bonnie finally fall in love with someone who truly loves her back ❤️

OF COURSE BONNIE IS THREATENED BY SOME MAGICAL ELEMENT THAT IS SORT OF CONVENIENT FOR THE STORY. OF COURSE. 🤬😡 I’m so mad, I’m so fucking mad at the show for treating her this way. She’s always the one in danger. She can never be happy for more than two episodes!!

Ooooohhh nooooo Bonnie’s the new Huntress 😭😭😭 She’s gonna want to kill everyone: Damon, Stefan, Caroline, even Enzo!! Nooooo 💔

OH THANK GOD, SHE DIDN’T KILL ENZO 🙏🙏🙏 I was so afraid. For Enzo but most of all for Bonnie! She would have been devastated if she’d killed him!

“You changed my life” awwww I feel bad for Ric, the same way I felt really sad for Valerie... They both hoped the moments of pure happiness they shared with their partner would turn out to be something more. They both dreamed of starting new with their loved one, to have their own perfect little happy life... 💕 even though they knew deep down the other one didn’t love them back. Not the way they wanted to be loved. And that’s sad 😭

Damon & Enzo being manipulated and brainwashed by that thing in that vault, at the end of s7 🙄 seriously? Who would have seen that coming ? 🙋‍♀️

Ugh, s7 was PAINFUL to watch 😑

S8 :

Yiiiiikes 🤢🥴 whatever that thing is, it’s not friendly! That scene where Damon and Enzo feed it was kinda freaky!

Ric running the armory makes sense actually! I’m quite happy about that :) he’s been wanting real hard to get back to his Indiana-Jones type of life ✊ He would have never been happy with a perfect little family life... even with Jo, I believe 🤷‍♀️ He truly loved her but at the end of the day, he has just seen too much. He knows too much to just stop fighting at all. That’s what makes him Ric.

A SIREN !!!! Cool ! Now we’re talking 😎

I understand why Damon would submit completely to Sybil : he has always hated himself for all the terrible things he’d done, he has always thought he wasn’t worthy of redemption, and now Sybil provided him a proof of that, a vision of literal Hell, of eternal torture... 👺😈 plus she erased all memories of Elena 😭 he has no reason not to work for Sybil. She’s the only one who can provide a way out of Hell. Who wouldn’t take that deal? If I suddenly found out no matter what you do, you’re damned to an eternity of pain and misery and loneliness, and the only way to escape that is to work for Satan, aka Cade, I would probably do it too 🤷‍♀️

The way Enzo resisted Sybil’s mind control for Bonnie was really sweet 💕 I felt bad when he had to shut down his humanity to save her life 😭

Honestly, I know I should care about Tyler’s death but he was never my favorite character and he’s been so... in and out of the show that I kinda stopped caring about him at all (since he wasn’t exactly a regular character) 😕 But he surely didn’t deserve to be collateral damage in that mess :( Also, I thought Caroline would react a bit strongly. I mean, Tyler was important for her and she barely said something? Weird 🤷‍♀️

CAROLINE AND STEFAN ARE GONNA GET MARRIED !! 💍 She said YES! OMG! Tbh I might not ship them (because I think Stefan got away with the pain he caused her a little bit too fast) but I’m happy for Caroline: she finally got to have her June Wedding!! 💛🎉 (though I’d prefer she married Klaus of course!)

I really liked the whole mythology of the sirens 🧜‍♀️ the story about the village girl and the island girl becoming sisters, having to kill and eat people in order to survive, was heartbreaking! But I was so sure Sybil was the “nice” one 🥺 Poor girl

Noooooo, poor Georgie 😭💔 knowing she is going straight to Hell is horrible, considering she’s seen and experienced it before and she knows what awaits her :(

Sebine played her game very well, no one suspected her to be Sybil’s sister 🤔 she’s really creepy and I’m so so so afraid for the girls 😱 she clearly has an evil plan for them and I’m so anxious 😱

"I’m your brother and I love you. Please come home with me” awww Stefan ❤️

Awwwwww Enzo and Bonnie ❤️ “I’m never leaving you” okay now I remember why I shipped them! They’re adorable! She chose him over her own best friend. She picked Enzo because no one else did. Ever. And she thought he deserved a chance, because deep down he is such a sweet, loving, caring person. He might not look like it, but he’s maybe the one who cares the most and who’s actually ready to do anything for his loved ones. I think Enzo might be the big love of her life. And I’m so happy she got to have that. I’m so happy she got to meet him, to enjoy his company for a little while, to appreciate every happy moments ❤️

AAAAAH SELINE TOOK THE GIRLS!! 😱

Caroline finally doing the healthy thing and prioritising her daughters over everything else 💖💖💖 Take that ring back, Stefan. At least for now. Caroline took the right decision. She cannot make compromises when it comes to the girls. She cannot allow herself to add any more variables to this already messy situation. Yes, it’s selfish but she has to be.

WHAT? I seriously hope you’re kidding Ric! HOW DARE YOU telling Caroline she isn’t the girls’ mother? 🤬😡 She carried them, she agreed to pursue the pregnancy and give birth to kids who weren’t even “her own”, she raised them, she put food on their table, she tucked them in at night, she loved and cared for them more than anyone could have ever askef her, she basically had to let go of her entire life in order to live with them as a family... She IS their mother. She will ALWAYS be ❤️

Damon and Stefan’s deal with Cade to take the twins’ place !! 😱😱🔥 I really hope they find a way to get out of this one, but I don’t see how, right now... And Stefan is heading to a dark place :/ I hope Damon will be able to bring him back!✊

Speaking of Damon, I am SO glad he got to free himself from Sybil’s influence! 🙏 Stefan, on the other hand... meh? 😒 I’m not so sure I’m a fan of the old ripper storyline, I mean we already watched it once and we KNOW it’s not gonna last for long cause they have to wrap it up eventually, and I feel like this is just here as a cheap way to create drama between him and Caroline and idk that was kinda unnecessary 🤷‍♀️

ENZOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭💔 NONONONONONONONONOOOOOO!!!!! Poor Bonnie 😭 She was finally gonna get the happiness she deserved! RIP Enzo ☠️

OMGGG STEFAN’S HUMAN 🤯🤯🤯 Wow I wonder how he’s gonna take it, I mean on one hand being a vampire brought him a lot of pain, but on the other, it’s all he has known for centuries... rethinking your entire life, the basis of your existence, after all that time... ouch!

Kai is BACK ? Seriously ? Again ? I mean I like him, but let’s just say there are other people I would like to see again (#enzo❤️)

Btw I’m really conflicted about Bonnie trying to bring Enzo back : I want her to do it, of course, I want Enzo back, but I don’t want her to loose herself in the process 😱😭 I’m so scared for her :(

Stefan literally killing the Devil like 😎😎 “oh yeah bitch, bet you weren’t expecting that uh” ☝️ I am so so PROUD of my babyface :) also I’m really glad they got rid off Cade (ugh, I was so done with him)

Ahah, Kai’s in another prison world 🤣

OF 👏 COURSE 👏 KATHERINE 👏 IS 👏 THE 👏 QUEEN 👏 OF 👏 HELL 👏

Aaawwww I really really loved when Damon gave Elena’s necklace to Caroline 💕 their little chat was very cute: he knew she was quite sad because her wedding was being rushed and used as an excuse to drag out Katherine; she was going to walk down the aisle without her mother; Bonnie wasn’t gonna come; Elena wouldn’t be there; Alaric didn’t want to come... the MOST important day of her life was basically ruined 👰 and... idk he was being very sweet and compassionate with her :)

OOOOHH THEY’RE ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED FOR REAL THOUGH! And Bonnie’s here!! Soooo cute 💖 I love how Damon insisted on the “does anybody want to object against this wedding?” part, like “really? No one?”

NOOOOOOOO THE GIRLS 😱😱🔥🤬

Omg they’re fine, I’m so relieved 🙏

Awww Bonnie saying goodbye to Enzo for real... that was so... bittersweet 😭 But he’s right: she’s gotta live her life. She cannot spend her entire life thinking about the people she could have spent more time with: Enzo, Elena, for instance. She has to focus on herself. On being happy. And I’m really glad for her ❤️

Katherine is literally gonna blow up the WHOLE TOWN !! Seems a bit extreme but I’m really not surprised xD such a Katherin-y thing to do, if you think about it

OMG FINAL EPISODE 😱😱😱

Okay, first I was like “I don’t understand why is everybody so obsessed with the idea of saving Mystic Falls”. 🤷‍♀️ Sure it’s their home, their childhood town, full of memories and all... but since Matt helped evacuate the entire town, there was no immediate danger for the population of MF. And at the end of the day, it’s JUST a town 🏙 It’s just buildings and roads and objects that can be replaced. It can be rebuilt over time. So Bonnie, Caroline, Damon, Stefan... they could have all just run far way from MF and then everything would have been just FINE 👍

But THEN Katherine captured Elena and trapped her in the high school 😈 NO WAY the Salvatore brothers would have just sacrificed Elena in hellfire 🔥🙅‍♀️

NOOOOOO I don’t want Damon to die 😭 But I also don’t want Stefan to die! Why do their plans always include one of them dying? Sounds like Supernatural 😅

THANK GOD 🙏 Bonnie’s here to save the day 💖 Damn, what would they ever do without her?? I liked how she fought for herself till the very end :) “it’s not my time” YOU BET YOUR ASS IT’S NOT 👏

OOOOMMMMGGG STEFAN’S DEAD 💀😱🔥 HE CAME BACK!!! HE CAME BACK FOR HIS BROTHER!! HE SAVED DAMON!! HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF!!! HE LEGIT DESTROYED HELL!! AND HE KILLED KATHERINE WITH IT!! 🤯

AND DAMON IS HUMAN!!! 🤯🤯🤯

AWWWWW LEXI IS THERE!! 🥰 I’m so happy to see her! I’ve missed her! Awww he found peace with his best friend 💕 I’m so glad for him! He deserves that!

“I was feeling epic” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

Honestly, it felt kinda cheap and too easy that Bonnie would just suddenly realise she had enough power to do ANYTHING, including breaking the spell that she wasn’t supposed to interfere with in ANY way, because she would be risking Elena’s life (and probably her own). Like, ok, she destroyed hell and that boosted her confidence enough that she decided she would just try it ? 🤷‍♀️ mmm... seems too easy... like why didn’t she do that earlier then ? Why did this entire season even happen then ? What was the point? What was the point of Bonnie realising she was worth living her life and that she didn’t have to feel guilty about Elena? Why would the show erase that wonderful character growth??? I- 🤷‍♀️

“We’ll see him again” ❤️ awwww I really love how they decide to develop Damon and Caroline’s relationship in the end... They both really acted like brother / sister in law. And that was genuinely cute. They both lost someone they loved and cared about deeply. I like that they know they can count on each other.

Awwwww Stefan got Caroline’s message, that’s really cute :) I hope it will help her move on, knowing he heard her, and he will love her forever too 💕

BONNIE’S HAPPY!!! SHE’S ALONE BUT SHE IS FINE BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T NEED SOMEBODY ELSE TO BE HAPPY! SHE LOVES HERSELF AND SHE LOVES LIFE AND SHE’S GONNA ENJOY HER LIFE TO THE FULLEST AND TRAVEL THE WORLD!! YAY! 🌈🎊🎉

The Salvatore boarding school : so it’s basically Hogwarts? Okay why not 🤷‍♀️ It’s not the big ending I was expecting for Caroline and tbh I’m a bit disappointed (but I guess her story doesn’t stop there and it’s more of a To Be Continued kind of ending) but it makes perfect sense for Alaric 🤔 Jo seing her daughters 💖 And Jeremy is a teacher there LMAO 😆

Awwwwww my Klaroline feels ❤️❤️❤️ “however long it takes” I CANNOT BELIEVE THE SHOW GAVE US A “MAYBE” FOR THAT SHIP. Honestly it’s more than I ever wished I would get! I’ll make my own headcanons, it’s perfect!

“I owe it all to Stefan” awww, true :’)

So what I got from Elena’s monologue: she had a great life, she was happy, she became a doctor, she grew old in Mystic Falls, she married Damon (funny how she doesn’t mention having kids? It was one of her biggest dreams, so idk 🤷‍♀️), then I guess SHE died before Damon did (-> what makes me think that is the scene where she holds his hands and says something along the lines of “I know peace exists and I know he will find it someday even though he doubts it” and then he disappears and she finds herself in the after life), and then she found peace and got reunited with her family in death 🧐 So bittersweet, I liked it! 💕 Even if I think it would have deserved to be a bit longer, a bit more explained, a bit more developed than just a “here’s what happened” 🤷‍♀️ It did feel rushed :/

“Hello brother” WAS THE LAST LINE OF THE SHOW! HOW. EPIC. IS. THAT.

[ship-obsessions]

The 100 Season 6 Speculations

Okay, so first of all I want to say I’m loving season 6 so far. Give me all of the delinquent interactions. I’m also obsessed with the Bellarke crumbs they are ALREADY GIVING US and how their repressed feelings for each other were shown (although not directly) in 6x02. A while ago I saw on Twitter that a reviewer compared The 100′s 6x02 episode to Motel California in Teen Wolf and now I totally see it. The way the plant toxin affects the delinquents parallels the werewolves being affected by the wolf’s bane... and the focus on the main group of delinquents (specifically Clarke, Bellamy, and Murphy) parallels the focus on the original core 4 in TW (Scott, Stiles, Allison, Lydia). I absolutely LOVED the core 4 dynamic in TW and I’m already loving this trio dynamic between Clarke, Bellamy, and Murphy. Give me more episodes like this! (and maybe add Raven after her and Clarke make up).

That said, I watched the first two episodes when they were leaked, so I’ve been DYING for the next episode 6x03. (Note: I’ve also been streaming them again since they’ve officially aired, so I’ve watched each one like 4 times). Since new content is finally coming next week, I wanted to get out some of my random speculations for what’s coming up later this season even though we literally know so little about this new planet, these new people, the creepy children, etc.. Of course, being curious (like a psychopath), I went through all of the season 6 episodes on IMDb to see what (if anything) it could tell me. I’m sure someone else has probably already done this, but I found some interesting things I needed to put out there...

6x03 

We already have a name “The Children of Gabriel” as well as a description (Clarke tries to win over the leaders of Sanctum in order to let her people stay. Meanwhile, Bellamy, Octavia, and Echo discover a new threat while on a mission to retrieve the transport ship.), so we have somewhat of a gist of what is coming next week. I don’t think they will fully go into the backstory of these “children of Gabriel” but we obviously know the geneticist from the flashback was named Gabriel and the actor, Ian Pala, is only listed for 2 episodes on his personal page and one of those is Sanctum (uncredited). So I’d assume this means we won’t get another flashback of him specifically or the origins of his “children”. But I do think when Clarke meets Russell and the other people somehow this backstory/history (at least a shortened version) will be explained. We know that the episode titles are all explicitly mentioned or referred to in the episodes themselves somewhere, so that’s my reasoning there.

However, I noticed one other small thing in the cast list that stuck out as strange/interesting. Sarah-Jane Redmond’s character (aka the Sanctum hostage that tried to hijack the mothership) is named Taylee in 6x02 but Tilly in 6x03. At first I thought it could have been some kind of error (idk) but it’s listed the same way on her personal IMDb actor page. Is she playing twins?? Is there validity to this clone theory I saw floating around and read about in the Hypable review?? Either way, I’m definitely interested in whatever that’s about. 

Also, I’m excited to meet JR Bourne’s character this episode! We obviously know he is Russell Lightbourne but after all my research (lol I’m taking this WAY more serious than I ever took school), I’m wondering if he’s not just a descendant of the Lightbourne’s but is actually a clone or somehow has the same consciousness from Mr. Lightbourne (Josephine’s dad) in 6x02 (again saw this in the Hypable article around a similar flame storyline theory since Becca created Eligius tech as well). It’s worth noting that we don’t actually know the character’s real name and Sean Maguire is just credited as Mr. Lightbourne -- no first name. Hmmmmm

6x04

Again we have a name “The Face Behind the Glass” and a short description (Clarke embraces the traditions of Sanctum and tries to make amends for her past actions.), but not much else... (or do we??) This episode is probably where we will see Clarke dancing in the room painting and maybe even the lanterns floating in the sky (ie. Sanctum tradition?) -- I’m thinking several “happy” moments with her. I also have a theory -- going out on a limb here -- that it is where we could see the whole “flashback” scene of Clarke in Mount Weather from the trailer. It’s probably not an actual flashback but some kind of hallucination or psychosis thing again, (or maybe even a dream?) but maybe that is where the title comes from -- she’s literally looking at herself from behind the broken glass in MW’s contamination rooms. OR we’re not quite there yet and it’s referring to the stained glass-looking red window/door thing that Emori was trying to open before going crazy in 6x01. 

The kicker for me in this episode’s listing was Jordan Bolger’s credit as Shaw, who we all saw die in 6x01. In what capacity is he coming back? Maybe it’s Raven’s hallucination or even a dream? I could see them showing us her full reaction once she knows what really happened to him, but I’m not sure how or in what way he would come back at some point in the episode (I say “come back” because the actor will actually appear). It will be super interesting how the sci-fi elements work on this new planet. We’ve already seen the eclipse-induced psychosis but what other strange things will occur or happen to our characters? If they are all facing their demons (ie. Clarke with Mount Weather and Octavia with Blodreina) I wonder how those scenes will be played out.

6x05

Again Jordan Bolger is credited... is Miles Ezekiel Shaw back again??? What is going on? 

6x06 - 6x07

I didn’t really notice anything super strange in episode 6, but GUESS WHO IS CREDITED FOR EPISODE 7: none other than Chris Browning as Jake fucking Griffin. Maybe this is another flashback or memory or hallucination -- assuming by Clarke.

Note: Madi is not credited to appear in 6x06 or 6x08 so I’m thinking her “kidnapping” or whatever happens with the creepy person who is holding her captive in the woods happens in 6x07. Or maybe it’s even earlier in 6x05?

6x08

In episode 8, the cast list introduces 2 notable new characters: Josephine VII and Hope. Okay, so with Josephine VII it could be some descendant of the original Josephine Lightbourne in the 6x02 flashback, but it could ALSO be another hint at this clone and/or flame consciousness theory. But Hope... where have we heard that name before? Oh yeah, Diyoza’s unborn child. But Diyoza hasn’t even had her baby yet and in the promo trailers it looked like she was shot (and possibly killed?). Also, this actress who plays Hope is like 6 years old, not a newborn baby. It’s still weird to me though because what are the chances there is another character -- another child, no less -- with that same name Diyoza mentioned she was planning to give her baby. Just seems a little too coincidental to me.

6x09

Okay, I’m going out on a limb here, but THIS MIGHT BE THE ICONIC RAVE SCENE FROM THE TRAILER. Stay with me... I was originally thinking this would happen earlier in the series when I saw this in the trailer, probably like everyone else, but in the IMDb cast list there are 5 “dancers” credited. I mean it is more logical for a rave scene to happen early in the season (because usually all the good things or happy stuff comes in the first half of the season and NEVER this late), but what else would “dancers” be credited for??? The 100 doesn’t do dance numbers LOL. Anyway this idea has me shook because if it is this late in the season, there is a better chance that Bellamy and Echo have ended things by this point and that super short blurry speck in the bottom right corner of the rave dance scene could be Bellamy (you know what I’m talking about). Will they actually make my LIFE and have Bellamy and Clarke dancing at that rave together? Seems way too good to be true, but I had to throw the possibility out there. I mean who knows, my Bellarke-owned ass can always hope for the best. 

After the slim possibility of that amazing possibility, here’s a scary thought to consider (sounds kind of like the show itself), this is the last episode of the season that credits Lola Flanery as Madi... WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER. Does whatever experiment being done on her in the promo trailer kill her? Pls don’t hurt Clarke’s smol child.

6x10

So here is where I started low key freaking out because the cast list dwindles DRAMATICALLY for credits this episode. We only have Eliza as Clarke, Shannon as Jordan, and Luisa as Emori out of ALL of the main characters we know and love. Something major has to happen for everyone else to suddenly become absent from this episode. And I’m a little scared to know what that is.

6x11

Okay thank god, the main characters are all back on the credits list for this episode. ALSO there is a new actor credited as young Echo. OMG an Echo flashback?! Will we finally understand who she was and why she is the way she is? Will I even care to get invested in her this late in the game?

Also, IMDb lists that this is the episode Bob Morley directs!

6x12 - 6x13

Our other mains are gone AGAIN from the cast list. It’s back to only listing Clarke and Jordan among the characters we already know. WTF is going on. I need answers NOW. To reiterate, I’m saying that IMDb doesn’t list Abby, Bellamy, Octavia, Raven, Murphy, Echo, Kane, Madi, Miller, or Jackson in episode 10, 12, or 13 (+ Emori in 12 or 13).

I’m honest to god just hoping that IMDb isn’t fully updated with the entire cast list in these last episodes yet -- is that a thing? pls tell me it is -- because if we don’t have a finale that includes Murphy, Raven, or most of all, BELLAMY... I swear to God I will riot. Of course, I’m hoping no one dies (obvi), but now that we know there is a season 7, could J Roth be trying to kill us with some dramatic cliffhanger where Clarke and Jordan are separated from the rest of the group? (PSA: STOP SEPARATING CLARKE FROM EVERYONE). But if so, why would this absence of all of those other characters be TWO WHOLE EPISODES? And during the two part finale of all things. UGHHH my mind is spiraling, someone pls calm me down.

On the plus side, 6x12 lists Antonio Negret as the director for the episode and we all know he brought us the brilliant (yet angsty AF) episode 5x08 last season where Bellamy poisoned Octavia to save Clarke. But if Bellamy isn’t even in this episode WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER CARING.

What’s left that I missed? Probably a lot LOL. I tried going back to watch what I might have missed from the extended trailer but I couldn’t find the video ANYWHERE. It’s like disappeared from YouTube (says it is “unavailable”). What is that about?

Anyways, the scene with everyone together in the house (standing at the bar, shot looking at us) has to be in one of the episodes where all main cast members are credited -- I don’t think it will be the next one so maybe 6x04 or 6x05? Same thought for the Madi/Clarke reunion, I feel like that is in the same episode. I also have no idea when in the season Bellamy is going to strangle Russell with Clarke and Murphy in the room (again my favorite new trio!). And that being said I’m confused on JR Bourne because he was all hyped up as a new character this season but he’s only credited in the next episode 6x03. Does the strangling take place next week? It can’t right? Because Bellamy is off with Echo and Octavia on the other mission and Clarke is the only one in the castle. Also if 6x04 is Clarke trying to embrace the traditions of Sanctum and make amends, there is no way she could do that the episode after Russell (the leader of Sanctum) is killed. 

Sorry for the crazy rambling and this long AF post, but I have so much on my mind after this speculation deep dive. I need to just go to bed.

[jbuffyangel]

Blessed: Arrow 7x13 Review (Star City Slayer)

It may be difficult to form coherent thoughts right now because of all the screaming, but I shall do my level best fam because WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Warning: gif explosion ahead.

Let’s dig in...

Olicity and Mia Smoak

OLIVER AND FELICITY ARE HAVING A BABY 

AND IT’S A GIRL

AND SHE GROWS UP TO BE KAT MCNAMARA FROM SHADOWHUNTERS

I AM DYING Y’ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WE’VE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS DAY!!!!!!

WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EVERYTHING IS AMAZING!!!!

Of course, there are plenty of other things to discuss in the episode and we’ll get to it, but right now I want to bask. 

This reveal was EPIC. 

It actually exceeded my expectations because I didn’t think we’d get all the goodies all at once. “Star City Slayer” is basically my Christmas Wish List and Beth Schwartz just put delightful rainbow colored check marks after each request.  *falls to knees to worship Beth*

We knew Arrow was dropping a bomb because Kat McNamara gave us all a heads up in her promotional press tour for “Star City Slayer.” But it’s wasn’t just one bomb. It was several.

First, Felicity is alive which DUH. 

This reveal felt fairly perfunctory and it tells me the Arrow writers didn’t really expect us to believe Felicity was truly dead because, as I always say, they ain’t that crazy. You do not throw out the lightning in the bottle. You keep the lightning in the damn bottle for as long as you possibly can until she starts screaming to get out and you are absolutely forced to let her go otherwise you’ll be charged with kidnapping.

But was I laughing my ass off at all the antis who thought this was their year and Felicity was truly dead? You’re damn right I did. SUCK IT HATERS!!!!

Everything was revealed to us in the last three minutes of the show, which felt like the writers throwing a confetti and glitter bomb at us in a dark hole. 

AND I WILL TAKE IT. Please and thank you. 

We already had a mountain of evidence Mia is Olicity’s daughter, but there are extremely big hints throughout the episode telling us exactly where we are headed.

There is an absolutely beautiful transition from Felicity’s face in the darkness to Mia’s face.  In fact, Felicity’s face almost melts into the Mia’s, so it is pretty damn clear Gregory Smith (the director) is trying to draw a substantial connection. These kinds of shots are important guys. This is how Arrow Arrows. Transitions, cuts, focused shots – it’s all trying to tell the story visually. When Arrow cannot give us the answer directly then they will drop crumbs the size and weight of anvils.

Dinah and Zoe are using Felicity’s Archer program to find where she planted the bombs, but thus far haven’t been able to locate them. Roy believes Felicity could have hid the bombs in the old, but still secret, Team Arrow bunker. But of course we know two people who are already in the bunker!

Mia and JJ tranquilize everyone, tie them up, and begin the interrogations. I like these kids. They’re nifty.

Mia wants the codes to the Archer program from William so she can find Felicity. Nobody questions Mia’s ability to kick William’s ass, least of all William, so he doesn’t last long. He also wants Mia to stop hitting Zoe. Awww… this is the Arrow equivalent of these kids playing Legos together.

Mia tells William Felicity is alive. It’s unclear if Mia knows because she has actual proof or if this is more a gut feeling type of thing. Either way it’s significant. Felicity’s circle of trust is pretty limited in the future. If she trusts Mia then she is incredibly important to Felicity. The only other person Felicity has reached out to for help was William, her son, and she sent him to get Roy, the brother-in-law (I’m just calling it like I see it).  QUEEN FAMILY REUNION!!!!

This whole “Felicity is evil” angle is total crap too. Toss that nonsense out the window.

I think Felicity, Mia and JJ are trying to stop the destruction of Star City by infiltrating the Glade because Rene’s Chief of Staff is evil. Even if I’m wrong about plot points I am not wrong about Felicity being one of the good guys.

Mia can’t quite figure William out and the feeling is mutual. 

William not a vigilante like Zoe, but finds himself embroiled in this bomb plot.

The differences between the two aren’t difficult to see. Mia is street and William is luxury condos. William is tech and Mia is Krav Maga. William is gentle and Mia is punch first ask questions later. To say these two come from different worlds is an understatement and yet they find themselves circling around each other. 

She mistakes his interest in Felicity as romantic and we all gagged right along with William.

Mia’s reaction to Felicity being William’s step mother was a massive tell, which means Oliver isn’t the only one in the family with a terrible poker face.  

Source: plotbunnyshipper

It was similar to Mia’s reaction when William told her Felicity was dead. 

There is a person who cares under that hard exterior. There is someone who loves under all that pain. Sounds like someone else we know doesn’t it?

Oliver made his famous chili tonight, which is something the comic canon nuts have been after for years. But Arrow is going to put their spin on it. The comic canon folks will get their chili, but Oliver is making it for Felicity and William (and not LL like they want and ridiculously still believe they’ll get). It was two spicy for William, but Felicity was having seconds because SHE IS INCUBATING THEIR LOVE CHILD!!!!

Source:  lucyyh

Stan the Fan, who was fantastically creepy, put some kind of drug in the chili to paralyze Oliver, Felicity and William. They went to the hospital and Felicity commented on the “mountains of blood” staff took to confirm there were no lasting effect.

DID SHE SAY BLOOD TEST? 

I didn’t jump off the ground quite yet at this point. It was a fairly offhand remark from Felicity and I wasn’t sure if they’d reveal she was pregnant at the same time they confirmed Mia’s identity. I know I know. It makes complete sense to do it at the same time, but since when does Arrow ever make complete sense? I was being cautious.

And then all the bombs drop. 

Source:  oliverxfelicity

Felicity gets a call from the hospital regarding her blood test and SHE’S PREGNANT!  THIS IS WHEN THE SCREAMING STARTED!!!!

We immediately cut to the flash forwards.  Mia & JJ are fighting Dinah, Roy, Zoe and William. This is a fantastic fight sequence. It really feels like the old guard meeting the new. Roy gets the upper hand on JJ, but Mia gets the upper hand on Dinah. That’s my baby girl!!!!

William nervously holds a gun on Mia, but she’s cool as a cucumber. She knows he won’t shoot.  

And why? *saythewordssaythewordssaythewordssaythewords*

Source:  katie-mcgraths

BOOM!

BLACKSTAR IS MIA SMOAK!!!!!!

THAT’S DAMN RIGHT SHE IS!!!!!!!!!

My screaming went ultrasonic STG. 

It’s so much goodness all it once I almost hyperventilated. 

This reveal was like setting off fireworks in this dystopian nightmare world. 

I AM ALL IN ON THE FLASH FORWARDS.

Is it awful William and Mia don’t know each other? Of course it is. My heart is broken Oliver and Felicity didn’t get to live an idyllic life, raising their babies in peace, and the city is still a hot mess 20 years in the future. I wouldn’t have picked it as a storyline, but if I was writing this show then Olicity would’ve been married in Season 3 and we’d be on our second set of triplets by now.  

I don’t know how the family became splintered, but I am dying to find out. I want to see Felicity reunited with both her son and daughter. I want to know what the hell happened to Oliver. I absolutely want to see William and Mia’s relationship as brother and sister develop. It reminds me of the Season 1 between Oliver and Thea or more accurately Oliver and Emiko now. If everything is a mess in the future then at the very least I want to see the Queen family fighting to make it better. SIGN ME THE HELL UP!!!!!!

It’s not just about the Queen family either. Roy and Dinah officially confirm Connor Hawke is John Diggle’s boy JJ. Finally someone from present day recognizes these kids. 

It’s clearly been YEARS since Dinah or Roy have seen JJ. What the hell happened? Where is Diggle? (Thank you David Ramsey for confirming you’ll be in the flash forwards).  If JJ is working with Mia and Felicity then hopefully it means Diggle is as well.

“Star City Slayer’ felt like the birth of new OTA (William, Mia and JJ). Did you notice how JJ came running in as Mia interrogated William and Dinah, all protective and concerned for her? My ship is setting sail!

Kat McNamara said in her TVLine interview, “Beth has said they’re trying to combine the best qualities of Oliver and Felicity — his physical strength and her intellectual strength. “ 

And she is the best qualities.

Mia is the perfect blend of Oliver and Felicity. Everything we saw in the show was put there for a reason - the scotch,

the fight style, 

her reaction to Oliver’s documentary, 

her reaction to Felicity’s death, 

Mia’s intellectual smarts 

along with her street smarts. 

It was all to show Mia’s connection to her parents. We didn’t imagine anything family. This fandom called it right from the start.  

Let’s rewind a bit and go back to present day. I love how Felicity finds out she is pregnant. A blood test is irrefutable proof. Sure, pregnancy tests have come a long way, but you always get a blood test to confirm. I was happy to skip the whole “Is she sure?” trope.

It’s the perfect way for this child to happen.  I never thought this baby would be planned. Look at Oliver and Felicity’s lives! It’s going to be difficult to find “a good time” and Felicity is extremely pragmatic. I like how Mia’s arrival is unexpected. That’s life folks. If you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans.

If you are screaming “But birth control!!!” lemme tell ya I know plenty of folks who have gotten pregnant on birth control. It would be easy to miss a step here or there given the craziness of Oliver and Felicity’s lives.  I am also of the opinion Oliver “The Sex God” Queen has super sperm.

Felicity is understandably stunned, but she instinctively puts her hand on her belly as she watches William being ushered away to Central City with his grandparents for a “normal life.” 

This is the life Oliver and Felicity chose, but it’s not the life their children chose. Felicity’s desire to protect William and her unborn child is completely understandable and what any mother would do. This news is unexpected and life changing, but Felicity’s hand over her belly shows her instantaneous love. Even though this child was unplanned it is already adored.

Source: olicitygifs

I’m not sure if the costume department specifically chose red on purpose, but Felicity finding out she’s pregnant dressed in a red sweater is a beautiful visual call back to Arrow 3x01 “The Calm.” 

This is the episode where the seeds of this future were sewn. Their dinner at the Italian restaurant didn’t meet the qualifications of a first date, even though it came with all the nerves, because Oliver and Felicity already knew each other really well.  They were already in love.

This was never about one date, a one night stand or even a fling. Oliver put those days behind him the minute he realized he loved Felicity Smoak. 

It was always about forever for him.

Oliver is not a man of many words and it’s difficult for him to talk about emotions or the past. But Oliver owed Felicity the truth after their “ruse” to stop Slade. She needed to know there were no lies in that “I love you.” 

Oliver tells Felicity how much she means to him and the life he dreams of having with her.  

Felicity waited two long years to hear everything Oliver said.

This is why their breakup was so painful. 

Oliver wasn’t just saying no to a relationship with Felicity. He was saying no to everything he dreamed. He was walking away from lazy days in bed, 

failed omelets, 

love ferns, 

brown bag lunches,

soufflés, 

ying yang kisses,

Christmas trees, 

vows in the park,

homework help,

video game wars,

breakfast for dinner, 

Thanksgiving,

and experimental cookies.

Oliver said no to a home, children and a love strong enough to build it all around.

Oliver could picture that life any time he looked at Felicity. He saw their children in her eyes. He knew exactly what he was giving up.  Oliver gave himself one moment to live that dream 

and love the children who would never be.

Anytime you think Oliver only loses I want you to think back to “The Calm.”  You think back to the beginning of the series and remember how far Oliver Queen has come. Remember everything he has built with his blood, sweat and tears. We’ve gone from a man who was emotionally cut off, suffering under the weight of his pain, because of his self hatred and guilt, 

to one who believes he deserves to be loved, fights with everything he has to hold on to love, and shines his light for the world to see.

The fans didn’t introduce the Olicity baby into the story. 

The writers did and they did it for a very specific reason. 

This has always been what Oliver is fighting for. Arrow is not just about saving Star City. It’s about saving Oliver Queen too. Felicity’s love and the family they will build together is his salvation. 

This family is everything Oliver dreamed of. It’s everything he believed he didn’t deserve. It’s everything he’s fought to earn. Love, family and purpose. This is what it means to be alive. From the moment Oliver stopped surviving and truly started living again, this is the promise he’s always been headed towards.

Mia is the fulfillment of that promise. 

She is the final piece to the puzzle.

Mia closes the loop around the life Robert and Moira Queen wanted for Oliver.  The life they died to give him.

Maybe the Queen family is broken and splintered in the flash forward, but they will be put back together. Don’t doubt it for a second. Arrow is mass array of broken pieces which will ultimately fit together to unveil the final image. Salvation for Oliver, Star City, his family and the team is all the same thing. It’s all connected. You don’t get one without the other.  Oliver will save his family just like they saved him. 

It’s also important to remember how far we’ve come as fans who love this romance. We were told constantly Olicity would never happen. The NOlicity haters, L*urivers and antis from every nook and cranny said everything we saw on screen was our imagination. There was never a chance for Olicity. The writers would never abandon comic book canon for a love story of their own creation.

And yet… they did. Felicity became the female lead. Olicity became the central romance of Arrow.  We didn’t imagine anything. Everything we saw was intentional. It was real. The smile was magic. 

Her belief made him believe. 

The lie was the truth. 

The kiss led to 

the sunset drive. 

Everything broken 

would be repaired. 

Shame 

would bring forgiveness.  

The bouquet 

promised the wedding.

And the dream 

would become a reality.

Oliver and Felicity are blessed, and we as fans, are blessed to have them as our OTP.

Olicity and William Clayton

Oy. What a couple of weeks with William. He still hasn’t coughed up a reason for his expulsion, so Oliver and Felicity play good cop/bad cop with him over breakfast. 

Is anyone surprised Oliver is the good cop? No. 

He wouldn’t have been on the damn boat banging his girlfriend’s sister if Robert and Moira Queen said no when he was two. The fact Oliver continually found himself in trouble with his parents is a clear indication whatever discipline the Queen’s used didn’t work. 

In fact, I remember Oliver having this fight with Moira in Season 1 over Thea. It’s a different story when it’s your kid, you’ve been in prison for several months and you just want bond with “Buddy.” Well, hike up the big boy pants and strap on those green tights Oliver. You’re a father now which means NO PANCAKES.

Felicity is the most adorable bad cop to ever walk the face of the earth, but her husband knows better than to question her benevolent rule. 

Bae is still Queen.  Felicity says one word and it’s see ya pancakes. 

Oliver even takes William’s knife and fork away. I died. He’s like a light switch she can flip on and off. Let’s see what else Felicity can make Oliver do!  Sounds like a good use of 45 minutes to me!

Source:  myhauntedblacksoul

I have to be honest if I was expelled, refused to explain why, copped an attitude and stormed out on my parents I would not live to tell the tale. Instead, I would be buried in the backyard next to our pet bunny Petunia. I had no desire to piss my parents off. I valued my life thank you very much.

William does unload on Oliver and its pretty friggin great. The attitude needs to go, but William makes some valid points. 

There’s been a lot of discussion about the “mistakes” Oliver has made and what he needs to do to be a better leader. I’m drawing a blank whenever this topic comes up around the Newbies because they are all awful and Oliver should’ve let them rot in Slabside.

However, the next phase of the Oliver Queen evolution is listening and his teachers are his wife and son. Keep your expectations low fam. Oliver is still a heterosexual male. There’s only so much listening he’s physically capable of doing.

William is cheesed off Oliver went to prison without discussing it with either Felicity or him (FACTS KIDDO), because his father does whatever the hell he wants to do (TRUE STORY). Simply because Oliver was heroically falling on the sword doesn’t erase his inability to ask for opinions. 

Oliver feels this is an unfair characterization, but we only need to look at Felicity’s face and to know William’s remarks are on target.

Source: olicitygifs

Felicity changes into her good cop hat and approaches William with Oliver’s world famous chili and a Rubik cube lesson. 

(FLASH FORWARD CALL BACK!)

Source: ebett 

Oliver acknowledges William’s right to be angry and apologizes. The kid has been through a lot in the last couple years, which is why Oliver wants to bring him home. 

It is at this point Samantha Clayton’s parents show up on Oliver and Felicity’s doorstep.  

That’s right folks! A ticked off William called Grandpa and Grandma to complain. Jeez William. This is how those awful Lifetime movies about custody battles begin. Put down the phone dude.

I’m laughing right now because I’m imagining calling my grandfather to complain about my parents. He would have reached through the telephone to bop me on the head. Then he would’ve said my parents were amazing, I’m the luckiest girl on the planet and I should apologize right the hell now. Then he would’ve sent me fifty bucks. My Papa was the best.

Grandma and Grandpa Clayton have a different approach. They want custody of William. Sigh. I’m not saying they don’t have a point. They didn’t know Oliver was the Green Arrow and the dude is convicted murderer. He just did time in a maximum security prison! Also, he knocked up their daughter and his Green Arrow activities are pretty much the reason she’s dead. So Oliver isn’t going to win the Claytons over anytime soon.

They may think it is an open and shut custody case, but WHERE THE HELL WERE THEY? 

There were plenty of times the Claytons could have intervened, but it takes William calling and complaining for these two to get off their asses? The kid was put into Witness Protection for god sake. Open and shut I think not.

Obviously, Oliver goes growly papa bear and tells them nobody is taking his son. Damn right. He didn’t even get that mad at the Claytons until they insulted Felicity’s ability to parent. I thought Oliver was gonna put an arrow in them. DO NOT SPEAK ILL OF THE WIFEY. HE WILL COME FOR YOUR LIFE AND A LIFE IS WHAT HE WILL TAKE.

I know William is going through stuff, but this is a really dick move. He knows Oliver and Felicity adore him and threatening a grandparent custody battle simply because he’s mad at Dad is completely inappropriate. Anyone can discipline this child at any time. I’ll wait.

Oliver finally finds his angry voice! 

There ya go big fella. It’s the same one you use to interrogate suspects, but with less torture.  And they say the hood didn’t prepare him to be a family man. Pfft.

Oliver and William basically have it out. 

As parent versus child fights go this is a pretty good one. Obviously, Oliver wants to have his son home and give him a normal life, but there is no normal when you are running around in green leather pants shooting arrows every night. 

Am I saying Oliver and Felicity should immediately ship William off to his grandparents? No. There’s a way to build the Queen family version of normal. They’ll do breakfast for dinner, but will occasionally be held hostage. It’s a give and take.

Parents have jobs where their lives are at risk every night. Do police officers ship their kids off to the grandparents? No. Do John and Lyla, who work for the least secret spy agency in the world, ship JJ off to Lyla’s parents? No. Zoe isn’t going anywhere. So why is William flipping his shit?

Source:  olivergifs

Because William lived ten years with his version of normal and that life was with Samantha. It was a life with no masks, kidnappers blowing up islands or incredibly dull mob bosses. As wrong as it was to keep Oliver out of William’s life, Samantha did insulate their son from all the crazy.

William’s mother died pretty recently and this child has adjusted to a lot. He meets his father, but loses his mother. He gets to live with his father and gains a step mother, but he has to move away from his friends, school, grandparents and city. Then, just when he’s adjusted, everything is torn away again. His father is sent to prison and he’s put into Witness Protection with his stepmother. I understand why William is having difficulty adjusting to the Green Arrow life.

Felicity broaches the subject, but even discussing letting William go tears Oliver apart. 

Source:  olicitygifs

Felicity thinks William is old enough to decide for himself what kind of life he wants to live. And right now that life is with his grandparents.  So Oliver lets him go.

Source:  thegayfleet

This is why I’m still mad with writers for killing Samantha. 

If the intent was to protect William from all the insanity of Oliver’s life then why kill his mother? Why bring back Raisa? Why send him off with the grandparents when William simply could be splitting time 50/50 with his mother in Central City? 

Samantha’s existence didn’t preclude Felicity from having a relationship with him. It would have been interesting to see Oliver, Felicity and Samantha co parent.

The only reason Arrow killed off Samantha was to make Oliver a full time father and for the whole father/son sin cycle to continue. Eh. That was never a good enough reason for me, but especially now because they are looking for an escape hatch to throw William out of.  If the endgame was always to route William back to Central City then they should have left his mother alone.

The argument Oliver and Felicity can’t provide William protection or a normal life, when they achieved those things all last season while living a pretty idyllic life, is a lot of nonsense.  Yes, I know Oliver went through a time in Season 6 when he hung up the hood, but Felicity was still on the team. And Oliver suited back up eventually. William could adjust to the new normal just like JJ and Zoe have.  Are JJ and Zoe getting shipped off to their grandparents? No.

It’s difficult to believe Oliver and Felicity willingly letting William go, even though I understand the kid’s frustration and anger. 

Oliver is right. William can’t call his grandparents for back up anytime he’s mad at his parents. But by letting him move to his grandparents, Oliver and Felicity are just reinforcing this behavior! The Queen family needs to learn to fight without someone packing up and moving.  

Perhaps, if we didn’t have the flash forwards we would see Oliver, Felicity and William work through this, but the writers want some distance between the three to sell the future storyline. I’m still not even sure this is the “abandonment” William is still bitching about 20 years from now, because guess what son? You left Oliver and Felicity! Not the other way around. It still boggles my mind Oliver and Felicity would allow this given how hard they fought to reunite their family this season.  

It seems a little ridiculous to me William peaces out after his dad is released from prison or Felicity being so willing to let him go.  William’s present day storyline feels slapped together with tape and glue. It flies in the face of everything this family established in Season 6 for the sake of the flash forwards. I’m having a very difficult time buying any kind of separation between William, Oliver and Felicity no matter how ticked off this kid is.

Of course, as William is walking out the door Felicity finds out she’s pregnant with his sister. I have no idea why William doesn’t know about Mia. I don’t think Oliver and Felicity said goodbye to him forever in “Star City Slayer” so there’s a lot of plot holes needing to be filled. I can’t even venture a guess and I really don’t want to. There’s too much information we don’t have and it feels like a fruitless endeavor. My plan is to wait and watch.

Curtis Holt

The Olicity baby wasn’t the only thing on my Christmas Wish List! Beth booted Curtis Holt off my show too !!!!!!!! YAHOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Honestly, I felt a little bad for Echo because this was the least important development in the episode. The Olicity baby bomb blew him out of the water.

No, it doesn’t bother me he isn’t dead. I’m perfectly fine with Arrow shipping Curtis off to Washington D.C. for his dream job. I didn’t need him dead. I needed him GONE.

At first, I wasn’t quite sure what route Arrow was going. He tells Diggle about the job in DC but then John, who is determined to piss me off at every turn this season, offers Curtis a bigger job at ARGUS. 

He’ll be in charge of their science division because what would we do without Curtis! HE IS SO VITAL. 

Dammit Diggle! You had one job! JUST LET HIM GO.

Curtis goes out into the field with the team to hunt the Star City Slayer and I felt certain we were headed into L*urel L*nce territory. She decided to suit up “one last time” before taking her DA job and then BAM! Arrow right to the gut.

Amazingly, Curtis makes it out relatively unscathed and he even saves Dinah’s life with one of his T-spheres. I think. I didn’t really care other than he wasn’t dead. I was too busy thinking, “Shit he better not take John up on the ARGUS job.” 

But I was prepared folks. As long as I got an Olicity baby I was prepared to deal with whatever other disappointments came my way.

But NOPE! Beth decided to be Santa Claus and give me allllllllll my goodies.

Curtis decides to take the job in DC. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The minute Curtis said it I went online to buy him 15 plane tickets – one for him and his 14 PhDs.

Of course, he gives full ownership of Helix back to Felicity. 

See this is why he needs to go. He acted so magnanimous - like it was his to give. Curtis gives Felicity some pompous talk about finding her purpose. OMG THIS GUY IS TOO MUCH. IT WAS HER COMPANY AND YOU ROAD ON HER COATTAILS. MAYBE SHE WOULD HAVE HER “PURPOSE” BY NOW IF THE WRITERS WEREN’T CONSTANTLY SIDE LINING FELICITY TO GIVE YOUR USELESS ASS SOMETHING TO DO. Ugh. Is the plane here yet? I’m so done with this douche.

Anyways, what matters is Curtis Holt is GONE!!!!!!! 

And it looks like we’re full steam ahead on Smoak Technologies. 

Source:  felicitysmoakgifs

I don’t know why Arrow continually compartmentalizes Felicity. It seems to me she could be deputized and work with Team Arrow as Overwatch while creating Smoak Tech. Maybe that will happen, but for now it seems only one activity at the time. But at least her storyline won’t be stripped and ransacked to serve Curtis Fucking Holt anymore. WE CONTINUE TO BE BLESSED FANDOM. ALL MY PRAISE TO JESUS AND BETH SCHWARTZ.

Stan the Fan

Last, but certainly not least, “Star City Slayer” finally delivers a villain worth watching. Stan the Fan is back and is more creepy, diabolical and terrifying in one episode than Diaz was for a year and a half! 

Brendan Fletcher is a genius and the smartest move Arrow made was not killing him off at the end of the episode. WE WANT MORE STAN!

The back story even made sense. WILL WONDERS EVER CEASE? 

Stanley was abused and tortured by his parents until he finally killed them. Stanley’s older brother, who always tried to protect him, was horrified when he found out.  So, Stanley killed him too. Now he seeks out older brother types to look up to and endear himself to. Stanley tries to protect his new “big brother” just like his brother did for him. He kills anyone he believes are bad for the person he admires – friends and enemies alike.

Okaaaaay. My man Stan has some legit issues. 

Oliver: My teammates would never hurt you.

Stan: But they’re still bad for you!  Worse even because they don’t understand you.

Soooo… not for nothin’ but I found myself nodding along with Stan the Fan. 

He was making many of the same arguments many of us have made about the Newbies. 

Is Stanley wrong? Are we wrong? HELL NO THEY ARE THE WORST! Is it a little worrisome I’m agreeing with the psychopath? Well sure, but I think it’s find to agree with crazy people when they make sense.  Did Stan back into the right opinion via Insanity Street? Sure, but facts are facts no matter what route you choose.

I also completely understood his desire to hang out with the Queen family and make a new team just the four of them. I’ve had that dream myself. 

But let’s be clear - I’m not a crazy fan like Stan. I AM COMPLETELY RELAXED ABOUT OLIVER QUEEN!!!

Slicing Dinah’s throat was a step too far over the line though Stan my man. 

Source: arrowdaily

I just want her to take a job in Central City like Curtis moved to DC and bring Rene with her. Relocation would have been fine. You didn’t have to fricassee her vocal chords, bro.

I think the scariest movies are when you are physically restrained from defending yourself in any way. You can’t move or scream. The scariest Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode is “Hush” and it remains one of the most terrifying hours of television I’ve ever seen. I’m still traumatized.

Obviously, Oliver can take Stan the Fan in a blink of an eye so the paralyzing drug really shifted the power dynamic. It made Stan a real threat not only to Oliver, but his whole family. 

Source:  plotbunnyshipper

It’s completely unnerving to listen to a powerless Oliver Queen trying to reason with Froot Loops. Stephen Amell always does such a great job with making his voice melodic like Oliver is trying to lull Stanley into submission.

But you can’t fix crazy Oliver! I love how the Queen family worked together to stop him. William slides the bottle, 

Felicity pisses Stanley off to get him to attack her, 

and Oliver takes him out in one shot. BAM! 

That’s how we do! It’s gonna be so great when all four members of the Queen family are reunited, kicking ass, taking names and saving the city together.

Stray Thoughts

Wait. So Bl*ck S*ren isn’t even IN the episode where Mia’s parentage is revealed. HAHAHAHAHA. Obviously, KC was on her honeymoon and that’s lovely, but it never ceases to amaze me how wrong her fans are. Just when I think they’ve hit a new low they reset the whole scale by digging even deeper into the Pit of Wrongness. Am I being petty? YA DAMN RIGHT I AM.

Ben Lewis’ scream when Dinah shoves William off the platform made me laugh until I cried.

Roy’s parkour made its triumphant return!

When my parents asked me to unpack the groceries it wasn’t a request I could refuse. My parents are lovely people, but next to Oliver they look like the Gestapo! Someone in the Arrow writer’s room needs to take a parenting class.

Felicity’s apartment security system is great and everything, but can’t she install a camera or something so they can see who the unidentified persons are? It’s called The Ring. Quite handy.

Loved the pink. Felicity was checking off all her signature colors. Source:  lucyyh

Dinah lost her Canary Cry. Since she was having trouble dealing with being an outed meta it’ll be interesting to see what her reaction is. She doesn’t need to be a meta human to be part of Team Arrow. Although, I think this gives Team Arrow more of a reason to occasionally reach out to Bl*ck S*ren. 

This was such a mom moment. Source: EBETT

This was such a dad moment. Source:  olivergifs

Followed by another mom moment.  Source:  olivergifs

The woman loves her man and his chili. Source: feilcityqueen

This is the zenith of my shipper life. I have reached the top of Everest. Time to take stock of my OTP journey.

One taught me patience

One taught me pain

One taught me love

Thanks to @callistawolf for the review title!

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 7x13 gifs credited.

If you’d like to support the blog, please buy me a cup of tea!

[marshmallowgoop]

Goop Plays Kill la Kill the Game: IF (Satsuki Episodes 1-4)

For those playing Kill la Kill the Game: IF on the PlayStation 4 or Nintendo Switch, you might be blissfully unaware of the many numerous glitches and bugs present in the Steam port of the game.

Some folks certainly had it better than others, but I was definitely one of the unluckier ones. I bought and downloaded IF the moment I could, but it always ended up crashing before I could even play. There was a lot of uninstalling, reinstalling, program closing, and joking about how my not-even-a-year-old, $1,500 gaming laptop can’t handle even one game, but finally, I found my way! 

rhys000lightning, you are a lifesaver. The feeling that I could finally experience the story mode, for real, is just, like. Indescribable, y’all.

Things aren’t perfect, of course, which is why this post’ll have some pretty low-quality images. But simply being able to play is more than good enough for someone who’s been as hungry for new Kill la Kill content as I have.

Anyway, I plan on making a few of these posts as I play through! Major spoilers ahead!

Episode 1

I already wrote about my thoughts on episode 1 right over here!

Episode 2

From early reviews and comments about the story mode, I kinda got the impression that the game is mostly a rehash of the anime from Satsuki’s point of view and that there are minimal differences until the end.

But, um. Just seconds into episode 2, and there is already a huge change.

Ragyo: The naked fools never showed up. Pity.

Satsuki: We raided the areas we believed to be their bases, but they had already fled.

I mean. The whole purpose of Satsuki’s Raid Trip failed?? How did Nudist Beach anticipate the attack and flee?? Is this explained in Ryuko’s story?? We totally miss that big fight in episode 15 between Ryuko and Satsuki?? And Ryuko isn’t interrupting the raids to put Senketsu back together because he hasn’t been torn apart, right? Because she didn’t go berserk after the Naturals Election because she didn’t find out there that Nui killed her dad?

When I saw this, I was just, jeez! We are going fast through this story!

But also, I wondered what Satsuki’s reaction to the Raid Trip failure is, for real, when her mother’s not around. Since the game was promoted as Satsuki’s story, I really wanted to see more of her inner thoughts and what she doesn’t show the world. But I guess this is only episode 2.

I also have to say that I was a little disappointed at the lack of new world building information in this episode. Ever since the first trailer at Anime Expo last year, I’ve been so interested in possible Life Fiber and Kamui history because of Satsuki’s proclamation to Ryuko that she “hold[s] all the secrets, behind the Life Fibers and the Kamui legacy.” But... we just get stuff we already knew here.

Ragyo: That is where the Kiryuins come in. We are the spokespersons for the COVERS’ will.

Just. I’m really curious about how the Kiryuins found the Original Life Fiber and why they’re so down with the Life Fibers’ goal. C’mon, the glossary even teases about the history here....

But anyway, early disappointments aside, I couldn’t stop smiling while watching this story play out. Ragyo giving her speech here is just so over-the-top and ridiculous.

And my brother watched me play this episode, and now I can’t look at Rei’s reaction to Satsuki’s backstab without thinking about the Surprised Pikachu meme.

I do have to admit that the backstab isn’t nearly as shocking and powerful as it is in the anime, but it’s satisfying to actually fight Ragyo. I’ve seen some reviews say that they’d rather just watch the scenes and not interact, but I’m in complete disagreement. I love being able to engage in the story.

And, you know, I’ve only played Satsuki like once in the demo because I’ve been focusing on Ryuko, and I’d maybe played her a handful of times at conventions, so I think I did pretty hot on three-star difficulty, lol.

One thing that is really interesting about the episode, however, is what it implies about Satsuki’s past. How does she know what Mind Stitching is, for example?

Seriously, I’m scared for the poor girl. Ragyo and Nui both use Mind Stitching, after all....

On a lighter (?) note, though, Satsuki getting defensive about her Elite Four is really, really sweet.

Nui: Tee-hee! I’ve never seen you freak out before, Lady Satsuki! Were these kids really that important to you?

Yes they are Nui shut your face.

But I was kinda surprised at having to fight the Elite Four as Satsuki, which is maybe a bit silly in retrospect. It took me a sec to figure out exactly how the battle worked, but I think it says a lot that Satsuki can just take on all the Elite Four at once. Ryuko at least had breaks!

(Well, at once in theory, anyway. I wanted to fight them all at once!)

This was also the first time I looked at Satsuki’s command list, and I gotta say: I appreciate the justification behind Satsuki having the lowest HP in the game:

Episode 3

The Elite Four are really cute in how they hated that they were forced to hurt Satsuki. I kinda wish we got a similar reaction from Ryuko after she takes off Junketsu in the anime, but at the same time, I can’t complain that much about the most romantic moment in Kill la Kill.

But, um, my ridiculous biases aside, the Elites lost their uniforms? Do they get identical ones made, since they seem to be wearing the same uniforms later, or...?

Also, this line struck me as quite intriguing:

Houka: She can stitch Life Fibers into the brains of anyone wearing a Goku uniform. How terrifying.

So, people have to be wearing Goku uniforms to be Mind Stitched? And Satsuki knew this, which is why she knew to destroy their uniforms?

Hmmmmm.....

Speaking of “Hmmmmm,” Ryuko’s storyline with Nui in this game still makes no sense to me at all. As I’ve written in the past, “[W]hy would Ryuko be willing to trust Nui? She would have to know—or at least be able to easily find out—that Nui is the Grand Couturier of REVOCS. Will Nui disguise herself as she does in the anime? Is the possible training image simply an actual fight between Ryuko and Nui? Or is there some more severe trickery at foot?”

Here, it’s clear from Ryuko’s reaction that there ain’t disguises happening. Ryuko knows Nui on a personal level—personal enough to use her first name rather than the “Harime” that Ryuko tends to use in the anime.

Ryuko: What in the blue hell’s going on, Nui?!

I think Ryuko asks a good question, too. What in the blue hell is going on? Nudist Beach still wants to stop the Festival, right? So Ryuko would presumably be on their side, maybe? But then again, can we be sure that she got the info dump from Nudist Beach that would convince her to be on their side and storm the Festival? After all, Aikuro only spills the beans once he sees Ryuko “beat” Satsuki in battle, and that doesn’t seem to happen here....

Gosh, I’m sorry, but claims that this is just a simple rehash of the anime are totally unfounded.

I’m sure Ryuko’s story will get into everything I asked, but I’m just... wow, watching this. What in the blue hell’s going on?

I do feel really bad for Ryuko, though. Maybe she considered Nui a friend. And, just. Especially when Maiko and the Mankanshokus have already betrayed her, assuming episodes 4 and 7 still happen here, which I presume they do based on info in the glossary...

Ouch.

And speaking of “ouch”...

Nui: Your dad was way tougher than you.

OUCH!!!!!

Now, I did admittedly find Ryuko’s decision to fight both Nui and Satsuki kind of strange. Like, gurl, didn’t you just see Satsuki chop her mom’s head off? Didn’t you just see Satsuki about to kill the chick who killed your dad? What do you think you’ll accomplish by fighting Satsuki as well, exactly? Isn’t it kinda clear that she’s not really against you anymore? I know you want answers, but maybe you’ll have a better chance of getting answers if you don’t try to beat up the person who’s actually on your side?

I know you’re probably not gonna make the best decisions when you’re that upset, but my goodness. Senketsu, I hope you’re at least trying to talk some sense into this girl.

Ryuko: Nui Harime and Satsuki Kiryuin... I’m gonna take both your asses down!

And speaking of talking sense, I really liked Satsuki playing the Senketsu role here, telling Ryuko to calm down.

Satsuki: Calm down, or you’ll be possessed by the Life Fibers’ urge to destroy!

Sniff... they are so alike, y’all. Can they be friends? Can they please be friends?

More seriously, “the Life Fibers’ urge to destroy” is mentioned in the anime as well, I’m pretty sure, but I’d love some more exploration of that later in this game.

Episode 4

I’m a sap for my kids, so I gotta say it hurts to see them lose. 

I also main Ryuko, so in these battles, I keep looking to her as if I’m playing her. Whoops.

But it makes sense. Ryuko and Senketsu probably haven’t done a lot of bonding yet without the Raid Trip developments, and Ryuko’s obviously not in the best state of mind.

And while it was already implied in a screenshot on the game’s official website that Satsuki is the one who tears up Senketsu rather than Nui, seeing this actually happen opened up so many possibilities in my mind.

Senketsu still gets torn up due to a failing on Ryuko’s part, but it’s far from the same situation as the anime. There, Ryuko becomes afraid of her power after she loses control and hurts Senketsu, and so she struggles to fight again later, ultimately hurting him even more. Here, Ryuko also loses control and hurts Senketsu... but this hurt has the intensity of the second hurt in the anime. This time, Ryuko can’t mope about how she’s no good for Senketsu and how they shouldn’t be together. Senketsu probably can’t save himself, so if she wants to make it up to him, she has to act, not retreat. It’s a much different approach—and one that most folks will probably like better, given some reactions I’ve seen to episode 13 of the show.

I’m also (of course) curious about Senketsu and Satsuki’s relationship after this. If the two end up working together, will Senketsu still be sore about how she kinda, uh, tore him up?

And on that note...

What is Ragyo gonna do with Senketsu’s piece??? Use him to power up Shinra-Kouketsu??? Does Senketsu play a part in the final boss?! Is that why the final boss has been described as “cute and grotesque”?! 

What is this story.

Anyway, it’s kinda sloppy to me that it takes Ragyo forever to regenerate here when she’s very quick in the anime...

Ragyo: Finish what you start... for as long as a single strand of thread connects my head to my body, I can always regenerate.

I mean, obviously this is just for plot convenience. It’s not a big deal to me, but it definitely... yeah. 

But I was literally cracking up about how Ragyo seemed like she was just gonna walk away from Satsuki. Like Sats just a little kid throwing a tantrum.

Ragyo: I’m sorry, Satsuki. You were saying...?

...Actually, this is really horrible.

But what’s not horrible is that Satsuki gives a “My friends are my power!” speech. For real. Legitimately. I never thought I’d see such a thing. I am at a loss for words.

Satsuki: Junketsu and I did not defeat you with our power alone. Gamagoori, Sanageyama, Jakuzure, and Inumuta are in Junketsu. They are the reason I have the strength to beat you now!

I guess I just have to ask... are you speaking metaphorically or literally about other people being in Junketsu, Satsuki.

I really, honestly can’t tell with this series.

Like, I mean:

Ragyo: Actually, the Life Fibers can transcend space.

I always say, “Life Fibers: ain’t gotta explain shit!” as a joke, but it’s kinda totally true.

I dig it, though.

Glossary

This post is already long enough, but me being me, I of course couldn’t resist reading every dang entry in the gallery like as soon as I could. I have a lot I could say, but just some standouts:

✄ Senketsu is in both the “Characters” and “Clothes” sections!

✄ I don’t like that he’s referred to as an “it” in the “Clothes” section, though.

✄ The “Kinki King” trophy makes a lot more sense now.

✄ Dat last line.

✄ And this one...

✄ “He is one of only a few people that Satsuki opens her heart to.” My heart.

✄ Wait what. “He was in the process of inventing a weapon that could withstand the Life Fiber weapons like the Scissor Blades and Senketsu”???

✄ I think Mako has the longest entry LOL. Trigger, your favoritism is showing.

✄ WHAT TRAGIC WOUND WHAT.

✄ LOL. Does this actually come up in the plot.

✄ What the what when has Guts ever saved anyone. Citation needed.

✄ Tsumugu is definitely like the over-protective big brother who wants to “save” Ryuko from a “bad” boyfriend.

✄ It sounds mean, I know, but I really didn’t want Junketsu suddenly having a personality in this game. I’d love for that to happen in a reboot or something of that nature, but I just don’t think there’s time to pull that off well here. It doesn’t seem like Junketsu’s getting any of that, so I hope that development goes more towards our already established characters instead.

In Sum...

I’m not sure where things are going, but I’m enjoying it so far! All this new Kill la Kill content... I still can’t believe it....

[ikonislife]

Same Moon.

-Bobby x Reader

-Angst, fluff, rekindled relationship, ex to lovers, Bobby’s birthday scenario

-Life torn your love apart but when it once more brings you back to where it had all started, will you and him survive the tumultuous ride?

The soft rustling of leaves being shed into the slight chill of an autumn night paves the way for his lonely footstep pattering down the desolated street. Dirty yellow streetlamp frizzing scaring a few bugs looking for a bit of warmth, blind by their desire to sooth an addiction that no doubt drawing close their demise much faster than the natural cycle of life would. What if that’s all human is, just bugs flying in the night, drawn to things in life that bring pleasure but, in the end, spelling out certain pain. Yet there’s no helping this calling, this, this strange addiction to feel loved even if at the end of a cold lonely night, it brings nothing but searing pain for days to come… And certainly, aching memories for years. As Bobby gazes upon the full moon casting its wisps of silver down upon the city that long forgotten about its wondrous healing light, abandoned for temporary high in the explosion of colorful neon lights and the pollution it brings, he finds himself solemn. It’s the same beautiful bright orb that occupies the sky no matter inkiness or clear blue. No matter the existent of the clouds that shy its beauty away from the world that couldn’t much care less for it has not for its detrimental effects on the tides and, well, that’s a topic he could spend all night speaking on but alas, irrelevant. What is within the realm of all things matter dearly to his heart, this is the same moon as it always had been in his short time on Earth. The same one he first took a breath of that disinfectant filled fresh air of the hospital, of his first kiss, his first fuck… the first time he caught the glimmers in your eyes despite the ass hour of the night across the crowded platform of Shibuya station. 

It was unknown really, why he suddenly felt the need to abandon a game he nearly bested and instead looked up, staring straight ahead at the platform across the metal rails. Bobby didn’t know why this night he had chosen to care about the storyline of someone else. He had learned to be impervious of the strives in the life streams possessed by the thousands other souls existing at the same time in the same space. He had enough on his own plate, why on Earth would he be bother with someone else’s life. Yet that night, he couldn’t help but be curious, to look up, to take a small peek into what was going on across the track, letting himself immerse in this deep philosophical conscious that to every face he sees, a complicated lifetime is attached. Were they also going through the many debacles of life despite the smile on their lips or are they truly happy? He stared into your eyes and saw what he could only described as an out of body experience. Like a ghost floating alongside your small steps and soft hum (he assumed you like to hum in the slow of life, you just seemed like the kind of girl that could carry a tune), Bobby imagined your mundane life playing out, every decision, everything that consequently lead to you standing right within his view. Like morn to any dream, the clicking of the approaching train conceal you away in the rush of the world existing outside of his little bubble. You were gone. He regretted it, in the five minutes he had stared at you like the creep he was, his feet would’ve carried him over the small pass connection the two side and right by your side. Yet instead he stared, like a dumbass, probably scaring you off but that little pout on your lips was too mesmerizing for his logical side to break the spell. When, how, where would he even find you again in this city of millions, not even accounting for the tourists just like himself. Were you also a tourist? Looking for a little break in your daily routine? The image of your (hair color) locks flowing in the gust of wind intensified by the ghastly sound of wheels grinding against metal track haunted his daydream until he could no longer remained still. So, he wandered. Where? A real plan of action was only something of a myth at this point, but Bobby had to do something. He went back to the infamous sea of the Shibuya crossing… Thousands of people passed by nearly every hour, what better place to start. Then it was the station, dozen times it must’ve been that he just stood there in the same spot you had been, hoping to see the familiar pout. What kind of place would a girl like yourself frequent, clothing store? cafe? park? Bobby tried his best but, in the end, his short vacation ended much too quickly, and the thrashing wave of reality wasn’t one he could stop. Yet life has a strange way of sharing a bit of its kindness on those who persevered for exactly 2 months later on a night much like the fateful one, you were humming a strange tune unfamiliar to his ears not even a few feet away. He thought you looked familiar at first, those soft tousles curiously gave him the worst case of nostalgia despite bearing no resemblance at all to any name he had committed to memory. A hot summer night and the wait for the much needed relieved of a delectable ice cream cone lit a fire in his stomach, antsy and not much patient had. He tapped his foot in place, click his tongue, and must’ve sighed about 4 times before you turned his way, soft whispers filled the night. “Not a waiting kind of dude, are you?” “Normally, yes. Tonight, debatable.” He normally hated small talk. What’s the point of them really? Nonsense to fill the dead air and awkward space, no value to anything being said nor is it important enough to commit to memory. Yet whatever grandeur life had in store for him that night made Bobby answered, he felt compelled to reply then only to feel his tongue go numb from the sight of that little pout. “Well quit being a grump. If you were a kid, wouldn’t you want to carefully pick the best flavor of ice cream to enjoy? Let the boy have his moment.” Gesturing at the boy who couldn’t be more than 6, tiptoeing despite having full view of the giant display of colorful treats, you swung your body with all the oomph you could in the small space of the line. Then you paused… So did he. For a moment, he could hear the wheel churning in your brain, eyebrows raised so high as if your senses recognized him just the way he did you. “AAHHH!” You suddenly exclaimed, drawing ire from the few customers behind Bobby. Panic engulfed his body; did you think he was a creep? “You! weird dude stared at me for like a billion years in Japan. You’re even wearing the same outfit!” “oh. Well, it’s a different white shirt if that makes a different… Probably not…” Bobby sighed in defeat, of course, now he was just a creepy person in your eyes. No way in hell now would you give him a chance. “Of course, I saw. I feared for my life for a bit there.” Or maybe not, your smile, much cuter than the pout he had been hung up on for all this time. “I-I have no excuse. I’m sorry.” “Well, at first I thought I was gonna get kidnap and sold off… but then you looked a bit… how do I say this without making it weird.” You mused, and he thought of a puppy hearing the TV for the first time, head tilt, adorable gaze and all. “I’m sure whatever you got in mind will be fine, this whole situation is already weird.” “You looked sort of… like a kid staring at his favorite meal. Goofy, cute even but at the same time sort of desperate.” He stood there staring in awe at the way your laugher chasing away the stickiness of summer, washing the slick layer of sweat right of his smooth tan skin with its freshness. Yet with each passing second, the pout that had plagued his dream slowly flooding back onto the cherry red lips he so desperately trying to ogle at. “Do you just like to stare, or do I look … odd?” “Y-yes” “Yes? What?” The way your eyes widen in panic was too much for him to handle, and it nearly, nearly made him lost track of the fact that he had just accidentally insulted you. “NO! NO! I mean…Yes, but not like that.” “Huh? Wait so do I look weird or not?” A long-winded sigh ripping away from his chapped lips, bunny teeth mauling at the frayed skin with all the viciousness of frustration rising high. “I’m not very good at this if, if you haven’t figured it out by now.” “I kind of got the hint.” You spoke so gently, almost teasing, which under any other circumstances he’d have flipped. Yet at the moment he was glad it was amusing you in some way that Bobby was such a flustering mess. Just the fact that his total embarrassment of a creep could serve to lighten your mood in turn put him at ease. “You’re, you’re fine. I’m a mess.” Shuffling awkwardly, Bobby was now one person closer to the sweet taste of a refreshing cone of ice cream, but he no longer cared. “I’m Bobby. Can I buy your ice cream to apologize?” Who would think a piece of memory so fresh in his mind was one of nearly 10 years ago… 10 wonderful years of joy and heartbreak, of memories warming to the heart yet simultaneously searing every bit of his skin with hot pain. Time with you was truly a journey. You both grew so much and matured with each tick of the clock, carving out a little niche of your own in this busy world and although not big, it was nice enough to settled into, for him to see a future with you. He had thought this was it, the relationship to end his life as a bachelor, the one that will seal away his parents worry of him living much too far away for their love to reach, to banish the fear of just how lonely he might be despite that bunny smile and his strange endearing chuckle doing their best to convince them otherwise. In the end it was a fairytale that was too good to be true. He got a taste of heaven, a little piece of paradise and even if life wasn’t always peaches and cream, deep down he always knew it would all be alright for as long as you both got each other. Then the news of your promotion came crashing down like that first raindrop amidst a beautiful sunny day. It was small, unexpected of course, and neither of you really truly grasped the impact to follow that tiny raindrop just as anyone would brush off the chance of rain on a sunny clear day. No one was happier for your success than Bobby knowing just how hard you worked, how much hours you grinded out, and the toll all those late nights took. He too knew what a promotion meant but who was he to put a dampen towel on your joy of reaping the reward from a long awaited and well-deserved climb in the vicious ladder of business. So, he rewarded you the only way he knew how, pampering and spoiling you for days on end… Well, four days to be exact because that was about the only amount of time off either of you could get approved. You were very much happy, pure adrenaline coursing through your veins blinded you from truly understanding what this all meant but Bobby didn’t mind. In fact, he really loved how pure you are with your emotions and everything in life but deep down, just the tiniest part of himself wallows in sadness and resentment. How could you not see the suffering he was going through despite the bright smile plastered across his lips. In no way was his happiness insincere, but at the end of it all, “we” and “us” was soon to be just “you” and “I”. In the end, he just wanted a simple life without the deadline of an imminent ending hanging over his heart. Sneakers squeaking to a stop, the charming awn of the past remained unchanged, adorning still the deep purple petals of the freshly bloomed chocolate vine, rich floral scent teasing at his olfactory drawing out a nostalgic smile. The ice cream shop that hosted so many dates and so many apology incentives continues to flourish despite the wilted relationship you both had left behind. For so long Bobby couldn’t bear stepping foot in the place where every table, every corner prick at a wound in his heart… Now, the tick of the clock had reduced the pain down to a bare tickle, as if finger pressing on an old bruise.  The old bell ringing out and the cashier whom he does not recognize cheers out a greeting. The sweet scent of cold treats and warmth of waffle cones being freshly made wrapping his rough body in its comforting embrace, the feeling he once felt every night but now only on the rare Sunday when Bobby is much too exhausted to leave the bed; So he let himself curls up in the now unnecessary giant blanket, toasting away under the risen sun. Browsing back and forth, Bobby lets his eyes feast on the colorful array of sweet, noting the many addition of flavors and for reason unknown, he prays your favorite remained. Another good minute before his eyes settle on the gentle pink blush hiding away in the corner, no longer the center of the attention as it once was but same as always. “Could I get a medium half guava, half triple chocolate please.” He smiles at the very patient worker, thankful she let him have his time and very much missing her giddy, demure smile or the fact that she was piling on much more ice cream than Bobby had paid for. Seat chosen and ice cream snugly within his palm, Bobby settles by a corner with the full view of the entire shop (much to the disappointment of the cute worker once she realized the handsome, yet oblivious customer is completely out of her eyesight). Barely a touch of the ice-cold treat on his tongue and he was reminded of how much he despised this flavor, still despises the pink goop you seemed to never gotten enough of. Mixing in with the chocolate? Good God what had you done with your poor taste buds. However, in the midst of the protest his body was so keen to put up against the strange floral taste of the guava and the rich punches of the decadent chocolate, there you were. Hair just as soft and shiny as always but it had been the gorgeous shade of rose gold you sported after losing to a dare. That retro Star Wars tee, a bit faded, a bit stained, and definitely sporting a few holes but nevertheless a favorite of yours. He wouldn’t misplace it anywhere. Your eyes were kinder, smile a bit brighter, the most radiant he had seen in years. You were the you he had met, the girl he had fell so hard for despite not understanding what had gone off in your head to order such a horrendous combo of ice cream flavors. And perhaps has it not for the lingering after taste of your strange choice of ice cream, Bobby would’ve wave back at the figment of you lingering about the doorway, a grin truly from ear to ear as you wave at him at the speed of light. Bobby sighs a soft smile, dazzling the worker who was unnecessarily sweeping the same spot for the 3rd time. He couldn’t believe it had been a near 8 years since the real non-platonic first date. The nervousness, the butterfly, quite honestly just as rambunctious as ever… or it’s the 5th bite of the mess of brown and pink still chilling his hand with its coldness. No, it got to be you, still vivid in the movie playing for one as Bobby soaks in the comfort you brought to his life. He didn’t believe it, the whole deal of one person could alter his life, change his perspective of the world the way countless romantic movies so dramatically play out. Then you waltzed in and flipped his whole world upside down. From the first moment he laid eyes upon you in the busy station to the miraculous reunion just a few feet away from where he seats now, even till the end, you remained the unpredictable force to be reckon with. As with all things in life, the little movie reel of your very first official date was soon over as the chime of the old bell rings out once more forewarning the incoming of new customers. Bobby shakes his head in disbelief still, how could it have been a full 3 years since he had said his goodbye to your adorable face, watched helplessly as your cheeks rosy and nose flared with the strange sound of your sobbing. The disgusting pool of dusty pink ripples as the clear pearl of lost love disturbing its serene surface reminding Bobby of just where he is. Sniffling and a bit flush, he hopes no one had noticed as he gets up to toss his ticket to memory lane, debating whether or not it’s time for another cup of ice cream, one he will enjoy this time. Without even commanding them to, his feet once more carry him toward the colorful display of ice cream, eyes searching through for potential victims for his second round of self-pity. Yet just as he begins voicing his final choice of dark chocolate orange with extra whipped cream, another voice rings out mere seconds before his. Being the gentleman he is, and also not in much of a mood to argue over who was first, Bobby apologizes without sparing a glance, eyes still keeping a close watch on the pan of delicious dark brown ice cream dotted with a few orange zest as if any second now it could grow legs and run off. “Could I please get a medium half guava, half chocolate please!” Cold sweat breaking and heart feeling much like he had just done a marathon, Bobby paralyzes with hope and fear. That voice… That order… Couldn’t be. “Wow, I’ve never had anyone order this combination before but today, twice in only an hour!” The cheery tone of the worker reminds Bobby that he was very much still in the ice cream shop, and this very much still is reality. “What?” Even with all the confusion plaguing the soft voice, he couldn’t misplace it anywhere… It can’t be. Only then did his eyes abandon his prize of classically complementing flavors for a peek at the owner of the sweet voice that was bringing him back to the past. Has it not for the hand bracing against the cold glass surface, Bobby would’ve drop right onto the floor, right there in front of everyone because he has just seen a ghost. You’re definitely real because he had just heard your interaction with the worker just now yet for reason unknown, his mind couldn’t get itself to process the sight beholding. “Bobb? You alright?” “Y-Yea.” He stutters, feeling stupid for staring, and feeling stupid for his jaws that had just dropped onto the floor because by God, you’re stunning. “Hi.” Stupid, so stupid, after all this time, after all the things left unsaid, all he could mutter was a stupid “hi”. Then again, is there really any right thing to say to the subject of his unresolved love, the woman of his dream, the one that got away, the ending neither of you deserved. And so he did what he does best, stares. He stares at you for what seemed like eternity and the whole world simply melts away into a massive shapeless blob of stars and moons and that wondrous feeling of first love. For a moment it was Shibuya, it was the train station, it was being 18 and knowing nothing of love, it was this exact place 10 years ago once more. For a moment it was all the moments you both shared for the 5 wonderful years he got to be with you and every single second thereafter of lost love, every single second condensed into one big explosion of nostalgia, feeling unresolved, and words unspoken. “Did you order my usual?” Your voice seemingly playful after what felt to him like an eternity gone by twice and suddenly, he wonders, did you feel the same? “Yea… wanted to see if I still hate it.” “Well?” “I still hate it.” Laughter, it has always been one of those things that Bobby swears on his life he’d always remember. He might’ve forgotten that favorite dress of yours or the strange way you eat ssam but the way you laugh, how you seemingly looking as though your head had snapped right off your neck bending backward in laughter. Or how bright your eyes shine even though they crescent away when you heave out a hearty laugh. Well… Bobby was sure he remembers it clearly until now. The sound you make, the way your head tilt back, it was all the same yet so distant, so unfamiliar and that scares him. How could something so simple, as simple as laughter instills so much fear into his heart. You were once the person he could simply call up just because without any reason whatsoever or simply because he was bored and needing human interaction, affection. If anyone in this world had been so unfortunate to know what true loneliness is, they would understand just how significant that is as ridiculous as it sounds… The blessing of having someone at the receiving end of “I’m bored, can we do something” even if that only results limbs entangled on the couch staring at the ceiling. Popularity is a double edge blade, that was a fact Bobby never knew until he met you. Never was he unpopular, charming and in possession of a smile that could melt the roughest heart, he was never alone. Yet there was always something missing, in the blur amidst the high of a rager or that second of quietness after a big laugh was shared, an emptiness drowned his heart in inexplicable sadness. A sorrow he was never quite equipped enough to figure out on his own, one he wallowed in after the music faded and goodbye long said. Nights after restless nights, Bobby thought of the fun he had and just how much of a world different it made only a few hours had gone by as he laid all on his lonesome pondering what it was, he’s missing from his life. He ate dinner alone most night, wake up alone… Well, save for a few mornings he managed to land a quick “date”. As he swallowed hard a cold bite of leftover on a random Thursday night, suddenly, his endless contact list seemed meaningless. That all changed the moment your sunshine liked smile entered his life, shooing away the darkest of thought with its pure intensity. Suddenly there was someone on the other end of the line at 3AM when his mind needed a philosophical outlet, or even just an ice cream date. You were always there no matter how trivial his request might be, no question asked and never once expressing grievance. You were a shoulder to cry on, a partner in crime, a protector, and a therapist. You were all and so much more but most of all, you were acceptance. No longer did he has to question himself, to hold back, or to be embarrass because of the opinion of others, with you… He’s truly himself. As the sad reminders of a past no longer obtainable slowly breaking down every bit of his facade, there’s one little piece of information that’s undeniably true, unbearably certain and, had been once more reaffirmed in his bleeding heart.   He still loves you desperately. Despite everything that happened, there’s no one else but you. There was no helping the knotting of his stomach and the stuttering that’s unquestionably worse than ever as he stumbles his way through the whole conversation like a bumbling idiot. Although, that in itself isn’t anything strange for he had always been a bumbling idiot whenever you were near, a bumbling idiot mesmerized by your radiant. “Still doing nonsense things I see. When will you learn that guava is not your jam.” “Yea, well maybe your taste in ice cream is just that preposterous. After all this time, I still can’t wrap my head around it. Plus, someone gotta keep buy it or else they’d just get rid of the flavor.” He bites out shyly, only when you had reached for your own cup that he realized the worker had been staring at him for ages. “Oh, sorry, small dark chocolate orange please!” He gave her the brightest smile he could, incentive for wasting so much of her time in the short hour, still completely missing the fact that she would give her life for him to live in the shop. As he stood there rocking back and forth, Bobby glances perhaps not so inconspicuously at the delight spreading through your features as you took the first bite. Sighing contently no doubt in heaven of satisfying the craving of your weird ice cream combination. Although that didn’t stop him from secretly wishing, that contentment was because you were once more by his side. “Are you busy?” You ask casually, as if the both of you were friends, as if you just saw him the week before. “Nope, I’ve been here for like an hour.” He chuckles awkwardly and for a split second, he could see fireworks behind those beautiful eyes as your feature light up in nostalgia. Yet just as fast as it had appeared, the sparks vanish instantly, leaving behind a dark void of reservations. “Ah… Well, I was thinking, if you know, not doing anything…” You stammer on, hand digging a literal pit in your ice cream cup and Bobby thought it was the most adorable thing in the world. Somehow after all these years, after he had given his entire heart to you, you were still nervous around him. “Let’s grab dinner!” He said with utmost excitement before the vibrancy in his voice drones out to something timid, as if fearing crossing the line. “If you’re up for it, of course.”  Always your knight in shining armor, Bobby pulls you from the pit you’ve dug for yourself, leaving you nodding like an idiot. Much to the sadness of the worker, you both wave goodbye as he walks you into the night, leaving behind the ghosts of the past and the happiness of the old times he had held on for as long as he could, doing his best to engrains every little detail to memory. Yet with you right beside him, somehow that seems wrong… And truth be told, that hurts. Even though the walk back to your car a mere 30 seconds, Bobby couldn’t help but hate the silent that was shared between your awkward bodies, hoping that you hate it too. Not that either of you were stranger to silent. It was something inevitable, something of a companion for couples who are lucky enough to share as much time together as you two did. It was the comforting silent of Sunday morning spent cuddling under the blanket, eyes closed yet the both of you were fully aware of the warmth of bodies and soothing rhythm of the rain tickling the windows. It was the content silent shared when you dragged your pillow and blanket into his office, made yourself a bed out of his couch with your nose deep in your book because he had to work late. It was the bitter silent of staring at each other in anger, eyes redden and tears scorching your cheeks, but pride get in the way of giving in. Then it was the silent of regret, silent of wanting nothing more but to dive into each other arms as anger passed and all that was left was your hearts aching to be together once more. This silent, this ridiculously awkward silent of uncertainties, of fearing to cross boundaries, it was something he never felt around you and he hates every damn second of it. “Did you drive by any chance?” You ask and suddenly very aware of the scowl worn on his lips as he stares into the night. A twinge of sadness breaks your heart at the realization that you can no longer be the person to sooth his sadness, calm his anger… And he no longer yours. “No, uh, I took a long walk here.” He replies with a smile, but you know deep down, his soul suffering and regret fills your heart. “We can ride together…” You half suggest, half really just want to know where you stand in his heart or if you even still have a place in his heart. “I tried to go to dinner the other night and, did you know that bbq place we went to so much? It’s gone!” You exclaim in disappointment, flapping your arms about just to ease the tension, although you were sure nothing could. “I was so disappointed.” “They moved a couple months back, we can go if you still want it. I know where they move to.” “Please and thank you.” You put on the best smile for him, already handing over your keys and feel the wind of the past blowing over the empty lot. As you take in a big breath of the slightly cold breeze of the night, you recount the thousand times he had taken the driver seat. Bobby had always looked so good with one hand on the wheel and the other on you, holding your hand or gently placing upon your thigh, it didn’t matter. He’d bobbed his head slowly to the beat vibrating the speakers, looking enticingly handsome focusing on the road ahead. Sometimes there’d be laughter, other times just silent as you did your best to impress your musically inclined boyfriend with your new playlist. He always looks amazing. Not much had changed as you hop into the passenger seat, waiting as Bobby changes the driver seat position before the journey began. The first few minutes felt like hours. The silent between you both were deafening, drowns out even the heavy bass of the song thumping out from the radio. You saw it, the way his right hand near out of sheer instinct reaching toward you, svelte fingers inching closer before the weight of reality settles in. There was no denying that part of you had wished he had let his heart finish what it started, to grab your hand and hold it just as he had for so long. There was no denying also, the depth your heart had dropped realizing Bobby has switches to driving with his right hand, the left leaning against the windowsill, no doubt a precaution for any future accidental touches. Painfully, you reach toward the knob on the radio and turn it a bit louder, filling the confine space with pointless noises. Thankfully the rest of the drive, all 15 excruciating minutes of it went on without a hitch. You resorted to staring out the window and drinking in the familiar sights, Bobby focused on the road before him. Part of you were disappointed that the owners of the restaurant wasn’t there, you’d love to see them and how the time had changed. Yet another part of you, strangely delighted that the long-winded explanation of the who broke up and where things left off were avoided. God knows what kind of ugliness this dinner will dredge up between you and Bobby, no need for someone of your happier past to complicate things. By the way Bobby glances back and forth before settling in with a sigh of perhaps relief, you ponder a guess that he feels the same. “Wow, everything is strangely familiar but at the same time, so different.” You gasp out without much thinking, far too enthrall in the way the menu remained exactly the way you had remembered it. “Yea, strange.” Bobby sighs softly, there was no helping the bitterness pulling his lips into a forced smile. The way his voice echoes out so drab against the exhilaration of the busy restaurant full of smoke and clinking of shot glasses, it was like he had taken a knife to your heart. You lean backward to look for the waiter, purposely hiding the frown playing on your lips at the realization of how incredibly on the nose and insensitive your statement had been. “How’ve you been?” Bobby asked absentmindedly as he tosses a few pieces of meat onto the smoking grill. “As well as can be, I guess…” Your answer catches his attention as the man before you abandon his surveillance of the sizzling meat to steal a glance at your dull features. The way his eyes scrutinizing every bit of your face, no doubt thousands of follow-up questions threatening to spill but he keeps silent, returning his attention back to the seared meat. “You?” “Same old, you know.” “Yea.” The word tumbles from your lips like the worst lie ever told. You and him both know “same old” isn’t exactly the phrase to describe the current state of reality, yet neither really brave enough to open that can of worm. The silent to follow that little exchange was far worse than anything you’ve experienced in this world. Awkward was slowly losing meaning as it treads territory of unpleasantness. As you quietly stuff another wrap into your mouth, you wonder if Bobby regrets this, regrets inviting you to dinner because you sure aren’t. As painful as it was to sit silently beside the man your heart desire and soul craving companionship for years now, you love every second of it. Who knows when would be the next time you’ll have the pleasure of being so close, you could make up the soft scent of his cologne even over the overwhelming stench of alcohol and delectable wisps of grilled-meat. In the end, you found out he had since move from that old apartment you both shared for so long. Make sense honestly, for who could bear being in the place where happiness was slowly turning into ashes. Certainly not you. No longer was he the lowly cubicle dweller but now a supervisor with his own fancy office and fancy car. Talk of work seems to get Bobby going as the faintest trace of a genuine smile graces his lips. You miss this. Honestly couldn’t recall the last time you had a real, honest talk with anyone, let alone someone that could understand you so. You let him onto the big project that had brought you home, and even though it’s only for a few months, you want to make the best time of it. And as that sentence left your lips, you could see it, there just at the tip of his tongue the words Bobby was trying so hard to bite back. You knew he thought of it, thought of rekindling the connection that had been left in the dust between you and him… You knew because you thought of it too. How could this place be the best when he’s not in it and as much as you’d like to be the one to raise the topic, it was best left for him to decide. As the scent of smoke and alcohol engrained into every fiber of your clothes and hair slowly dissipate into the air of the cold night, you found yourself sauntering beside his tall stature. A few steps behind simply because you wanted a few seconds to yourself, a few seconds to really look at the man that was once yours even if it was only the back of his head and the span of his broad shoulders. You both had been walking down memory lanes, a careful dance about the best of memories and the people of the past, avoiding the sour topics of the last few months spent together. “My brother just had a baby!” Bobby exclaims, delight graces his features and you’re left completely mesmerize by the handsome smile, even if it wasn’t really because of you. “Oh, that’s so great! Tell him congratulation, and your parents too. They must be over the moon.” You miss them was what you wanted to end that sentence with but decided in the end it’s best not to. “I will. They are, I am too. Though, I’m still scare of dropping the little one.” He gushes, already pulling his phone out to show you the endless pictures of the little tyke. “So handsome.” You sigh gently, adoring the little baby even if it was just a picture. “Of course, he is! Have you seen his uncle?” a teasing smirk blossoms on those beautiful lips as Bobby wiggles his eyebrows, holding a picture of the little one far too zoom in right next to his own face and for a split second, you have your Bobby. Not the solemn, silent Bobby of the drive to the restaurant, not the shocked and speechless Bobby when he first laid eyes on you. For a split second, he was your Bobby. “Oh, is that so? I think his dad got more to do with him being handsome than his uncle, don’t you think?” You jest with a slap to his arm, something that was once so normal considering you and him, best friends turned lovers. Yet his smile drops, an awkward chuckle replaces the bright sunshine previously beaming from his feature. It hurts, it hurts so bad because this was a reality you thought you had dealt with. Yet nothing prepared you for the raw reaction, the raw pain of the quaint touches that was now anything but. Silent befell over the souls wandering the night under the bare bone of greenery in winter. You listen to the leaves crunching under your feet, pulling your jacket higher as the mischievous tickling of a breeze brushes against your hair. Bobby again a few steps ahead of yourself as he stares longingly at the bright moon above, the same one that had always been there through the thick and thin of your relationship. Still here to witness the strangers-again walking through the night. You wonder if it cried for you, and for your relationship. “Did you ever think about the what-ifs?” Bobby was first to succumb to the pain of silent, yet the perhaps the question he had just asked was far more painful than anything else this failed relationship had brought. “Of course, I have.” The answer rushes from your lips at light speed, nearly in disbelief that there was a part of him that thought you didn’t. “How could I not?” your steps halt as you watch on in incredulity, heart racing and a tear already pricking at the corners of your eyes recalling the days to follow and all the times you wanted to abandon it all to be with him. You know exactly where this was heading but at this point, was there any benefit to holding back the words, suppressing the anguish of love lost? “Hm… I think about it often, ‘bout you.” A solid minute of deafening silent went by before he finally speaks up, stopping on his track too before turning back to face you. He got his hands in his pockets, lips pursing under an undecipherable expression though the pain was far from well hidden. “I still think about everything… I mean, it’s been years but. I can’t help it.” The weight heavy on your heart the moment your eyes skimmed over the destination of your business trip finally exploded, etching and cutting into your scarred heart. The words you wanted to say to him, the words you had forced yourself to push aside in an attempt to live a normal life, it came rushing in the moment you read the name of the city that destiny would lead you back to. The person your heart both desires for and knows would only lead it down the path of relapsing into the mere shell of a person the days following the breakup… it had been heavy and now, it aches. “I thought that suppressing you from my memory would help but it was all the same. I was devastated every waking second, in all my dreams and nightmares.” Bobby muses but there was something far beyond the emptiness of his eyes, glossing over with an emotion you couldn’t decipher and that scares you. It rattles all your cages and there was no helping the ugly thoughts coming. “We both were, Bobby. I mean, you say it as if I wasn’t there… As if I wasn’t the other half of the relationship.” Beneath the sorrow, beneath the pain of the part of your heart you thought was dead resurrected by the man you love, anger simmering. His tone, the words he had chosen… how could he… “Were you?” There was nothing, nothing about the man looming before you that could mirror even a fraction of the emotion surging through your body… Well, nearly nothing. The way his jaws clenching so tightly and the kindness formerly tugging those beautiful eyes into crescents of laughter vanishing at a rate that left your heart dizzy… He’s angry. Anger wasn’t something you knew of Bobby. Frustration, maybe. After all, you weren’t a walk in the park to be with so there were times minor disagreements would surface. Yet anger wasn’t an emotion you knew he could possess, not toward you. He had gotten angry at the guy who was far too handsy with you at his high school reunion, and the time when you ran to him in panic at a club because some creep never learned the meaning of “no”… Never with you. “Are you seriously questioning my feeling right now?” You too were teetering on the blade of anger. “Have you forgotten those nights, those weeks before everything ended?” Your voice raising without needing for you to tell it to, the disbelief in your heart overdrive every other function in your shivering body. Had he in all the years of loneliness forgotten just how much you had loved him… still love him. You’ve considered all the options, not taking the job, passing up the promotion, quitting, switching career, all of it. You considered it all and there was always one ending, the enticing thought of a future with Bobby. You were ready to make peace with your decision but in the end, it was Bobby who had held your hand and told you it was okay. You cried and you fought but ultimately, he was your weakness. He ensured that no guilt would plague you as you made the final decision of leaving. “No, I remember it clearly.” That sentence, Bobby had dreamt about it endlessly, of finally confronting you of your lies… How satisfying it would be to finally have his last laugh… So why, why does it hurt so much now that it had finally took its first breath of reality… Why does it kill him so watching the tears streaming down the rosy skin of your cheeks, the way your features had contorted into anguish? “I remember it because I was the one who told you to leave. I was the one who had to packed up our home and all the memories it held.” The way he bites out “our”, love was definitely not the driving force behind it. “Have you gone mad?” Your words nearly as feeble as the breaths you’re heaving. Neither anger or guilt were present on your face but rather complete and utter disbelief “If you knew all that, then how could you question my pain. I ripped half of me, my entire heart out when I left this place.” And for a second it confuses him, the part, the largest part of him that had loved you so dearly begins to doubt the truth he had held on for so long. “No, not at all. I’m completely sane and sober” But hell hath no fury like a betrayed man. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. I can’t believe you’re making me spell out every. Single. Thing.” “Please, because I have no clue what you’re even going on about.” Exasperation and disappointment of being question, of having your heart on trial finally reaching an unprecedented height. Hands carding roughly through your wind-blown locks before harshly wiping away the tears falling uncontrollably. A part of Bobby cowers seeing the red rashes scratched onto the smooth skin of your cheeks from the sleeves of your sweater painfully soaking away your tears. He would never wish harm onto you, even if you were the one doing it, especially if you were the one doing it. Needless to say, the protective part of him wants so badly to pull your hand into his, to cradle your cheeks and press healing kisses onto them but this mess, he started this. Yet the irrational side of him have had enough, far past the emotional limit a person could handle. “I ran into your boyfriend. Yea, the guy you said was nothing more than a co-worker.” He sneers and you could feel your blood runs cold. The disdain, the disgust in the dagger like glare burning your skin left your knees weak in the worst way possible. “Can’t believe I bought it. You know, I was actually glad I ran into him at first. Hearing how happy you were with your new job and already, just few months in, you were already on the fast track to a big promotion.” “Bobby…” You whisper his name, hoping it still hold the magic it once did, but the meek reality is far from the distant vibrant memories. “No, no, no. You don’t get to be all puppy dog eyes and pretend like it never happened.” He scoffs at you and perhaps it hurts more than it should have. “And then, so casually, he told me that you two were together, living together in fact.” “No, Bobby. You don’t understand. It’s all a big misunders-“ “No! Big misunderstanding? Falling in love, moving in together, fucking someone else all in the short months span since our breakup. You call that a misunderstanding? Please, Y/n. Am I that much of a joke to you?” He grunted out the painful sentence and it left you breathless, your lungs could barely keep up with the tears let along the bombs he drops on you. There was no other reaction but silently cry as Bobby continues his tirade. “I gave up my happiness, my entire life so you wouldn’t have to. And the big thank I got was you fucking the guy you said was nothing more than a good friend. You must love me so much that you couldn’t wait to let the next guy you see fuck all the memories of me out of your goddamn brain… All the while I was living like a goddamn zombie. All alone, every waking minute, every second of sleep consumed by the thought of you.” Exasperation begins to wear down on Bobby as he pants heavily, eyes still tearing your body apart with years of anger all pent up in his feeble heart. “Was it all a lie? The last few months of our relationship, it was… Wasn’t it? Because if I were to believe, to hold on to the last shred of the you I fell in love with… You wouldn’t forget me in just a mere few months.” You contemplate the next few words very carefully, taking all the moments, all the deceits leading up to this point into consideration. Life had never been fair, but nothing could contest against the spitefulness of the grand scale of things this very second. It had dealt you a hand that you wish surprise was what you’re feeling, but alas, you’ve always knew this was a possibility the second you spun your web of lies. You understand full well the implication Bobby had just brought to light, but there was nothing left to say. “I don’t think my words matter much to you this second.” You breathe through your sob. “Maybe in a few weeks, a few months it will. Or it might never will be…” the thought of never being anything meaningful to Bobby ever again, that was a pain you thought never will you have to experience. But in the end, this big tumultuous ride of a relationship had already thrown everything else at you and the end is nigh. “So, I won’t stand here and make some big excuses because I think I’ve done enough.” That was all you could let out, all the though your brain could form before it shut down in a muddle mess. Your heart aches far worse than all the pain it had ever been through combine and you didn’t know what to do to soothe it. The small glimpses your vision clear enough to allow you to steal a glance at the man you love but just destroyed, Bobby isn’t doing much better. Body dropping onto the cold stone pavement of the path, he got his head cradling in between his arms and silently, his body shakes with tears and the reality that was settling in far too fast. The thought of you cheating on him wasn’t one he wanted to be acquaintance with or even one he had formulated before the run in with your boyfriend. Yet the happiness of knowing you had moved on diminished fast as the logical side of himself began calculating the time and the disbelief of his heart that you would forgotten about him already in the short time apart. Soon the sound of sniffles and painful sobs was nothing more but distant echo of the night as you both settle into the present. This is it for the wonderful friendship, the by-chance love that had bloomed between two young souls doing their best surviving the rush of life together. You stare at him with all the love you still have coursing through your blood and he, at you as if a distant memory he was ready to let go. Nothing was said but the drumming of your headache burst through, drowning out everything in front of you. “I’ll drive you home.” He whispers impassively, eyes blank as he scans the features of your face. Were you always so sad? Have your eyes always been so sunken with pain and your skin so pale? The Bobby of the past still clinging on, caring yet he knows his time was ending. So, for one last time, he’ll care, just for tonight. “You’re in no condition to drive.” “No, I’m okay.” “Y/n, just please. For once, don’t fight me. I don’t care how things ended up between us, I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you.” You silently shadow the footstep of the man you no longer have the right to smile at. After tonight, you and he will be nothing more but strangers again, just as you were that fateful night at the train station. After tonight, you’ll have to respect his wishes and pretend as if life hadn’t given you the best years anyone could ever hope for. Once more the same moon as all the days before watches over as your life stream splits into two. You wonder if it too, is sad for the tragic love story.

It has been a month since he last saw you, a month since he accused you of the worst things a man could accuse the woman he loves. He crossed all the lines and all the boundaries that night and it left him an empty shell of the man he once was. After all these years, after all the pain had been dealt with, there was still a bit of hope, the last thread of a beautiful relationship connecting his life to yours. Yet in one moment of delirium, he crumbled all the effort of all the years before because he was bitter. It broke his heart, the way pain washed over your beautiful features as the accusation that had torn so many relationships apart left his lips. He left you so speechless, you stood there and took his abuse silently, clutching your heart. In the moment when sleep evaded him, all he could think about was the horrible things he had said and your nearly lifeless body as he dropped you off that night… He has turned into the monster he promised himself to never be. Somehow all the pain seems so much worse tonight as he lays awake in bed, hours away from his birthday, another birthday alone… Truly alone for he had burned all the bridges that could potentially lead him back to you. Eyes studying the world just beyond his little window as his mind drifts to you, Bobby wonders if your project was going well and if you were leaving soon. He had thought of calling you, of course, but how could he after saying such horrendous things without even granting you the small wish of explaining everything. Did you realize that night that his phone’s background was still a picture of you? That thought warms his heart for a second before the logical side of himself butts in, reminding bobby once more that you probably don’t care, not anymore at least since he had taken all the precious time you’ve both had and ripped it all to unsalvageable shreds. Yet perhaps his heart knows best after all as that ringtone, the one he has always associated with sunshine and happiness, like an omen echoing through the darkness of his room. Bobby didn’t believe it at first, staring at it blankly before the third ring reminding him that you could hang up any second now. He scrambles to his feet, hastily picking up the phone and nearly dropping it. “Hello? Y/n?” Bobby huffs out impatiently, needing to hear your voice even if there was a slight chance you had called to yell at him. “Uhm, are you the boyfriend of the owner of this phone?” A gruff male voice spills from the speaker sending fear to his heart. Jaws tighten and fist clenches tightly, he grunts out a rough yes, nevermind the fact that it was a blatant lie. “Could you come pick up your girlfriend. She been here for hours and I don’t think she should drink anymore.” The voice speaks up hesitantly, growing distant as if the guy was glancing away to check something, someone. “I don’t understand, what happened?” Bobby questions, already grabbing his jacket and keys, on his way even though he has no clue where you were. “Your girlfriend, she came in, had a few too many drinks, and would not stop talking about her amazing boyfriend… Well, you, I guess. Then she cried for a bit and said she was going to call her boyfriend but passed out before the line even start ringing.” The bartender explains, sighing a bit, no doubt done with your antic. “If you don’t mind, please come pick her up. I don’t want to send her home on her own. Le Lune, do you need direction?” “No, I know exactly where. Thank you.” If his heart beats any faster, Bobby suspects that his blood vessels would burst. Worries and dreadfulness engulf his body as he speeds through the empty night, anxious to see you, anxious to know you’re okay. His fingers tap frantically as his car tears through the night toward the place that holds his entire life. As he bursts into the nearly empty bar, a few eyes glare his way vexingly, loud slam of the door had disrupted their night cap and meaningless conversations. Bobby glances about, looking for that familiar figure before a young man wave frantically, calling him over. “Bobby, I assume.” Holding up a phone in front of him, the bartender glances up then back at the screen with a satisfying nod of his head. “Picture checks out. Here you go.” He hands back the phone to Bobby, screen still illuminated, and the background, it sends a pang to his heart. It was him, smiling bright, exuding all the happiness of a man at the height of his love. And for a moment, time stood still. He thinks about you going about in your daily life… His face being the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see at night. He’s there when you check whether it was time for lunch or time for homecoming. You’ve managed to keep that part of the old life the same despite everything being torn apart and the foundation of your relationship crumbling into nothingness.  But now was no time to be sentimental for a much more pressing issue was at hands. “Yes, we spoke on the phone. Where is she?” His voice frantic, panic wrecking his entire being. He thought there was nothing worse than watching you walk away but this, knowing that you were all alone… There is nothing in his short life thus far that scare him so.   “I left her on the booth over there, didn’t want her to hurt herself falling over the stool.” Sighing a few thanks, Bobby closes up your tab and left a hefty tip to a very delighted bartender before making his way toward the booth in the far end corner where his sleeping beauty awaits. Leaning back against the red velvet plush of the back rest, your eyes tightly shut and hair a bit dishevel but he swears, you were still so beautiful. Blur streaks of mascara smearing down the soft skin of your cheeks, still so redden and hot, your chest rises and falls gently as a soft snore emanating through the near empty bar. The breath he had been holding ever since the voice of the bartender reached his ears finally dislodge itself from his throat at the sight of you so peacefully snoozing away. Bobby sighs heavily as his eyes scan to your bare shoulders, dress far too thin to shield you from the harshness of the world. “Sweetie, let’s go home.” He whispers softly against your temple where he had just placed a thankful kiss. Though he knew that kiss was crossing every lines and boundaries, there was no helping the natural reaction bursting out of the man who for the past hour had been so uncertain of the safety of his love. He’s thankful, so thankful that insomnia had been so gracefully blessing him with another restless night, thankful for the bartender, and thankful for you. In your most drunken stupor, he was still on your mind and that, just that small thought of you still valuing his pathetic self enough to call him up… Well, it eases his heart and soul in ways unimaginable. “Bobby…” You groan sleepily, despite the stench of alcohol seeping through your every pore, there was no denying how adorable the way you mew his name. Fingers rubbing at your drowsy eyes, you peers through the clumpy curtain of the mascara that was now mostly staining your cheeks than shielding your lashes. Blinking a few times, a smile blooms on your lips at the familiar face and endearing scent, your head instinctively nudges closer into the crook of his neck, stealing all the warmth the man got to offer. “Yea… Sweetheart?” He tests the water, considering holding back the pet name that was only ever meant for you. Yet just as everything else had when you’re around, it was near involuntary. “I love you.” You mewl out a softly amidst a small giggle before diving into his arms. “Can we go home?” Now, Bobby knows full well this was nothing but a drunken sleep talk but that sentence, home, it lights his heart on fire. He was always the one that’d get drunk, coming home laughing and diving into your arms. This was something new, something so different that despite everything else that was happening, deep down a blissfulness spreading through his body. Your head lulling gently, falling right into his chest as your soft snores continue to echo through the darken parking lot. He places you gently into the passenger seat, buckling you up before placing yet another kiss to your forehead. The steady pace his heart had regained finally seeing you safe and sound was once more beating erratically as the moonlight, dirtying by a bit of the neon sign of the bar seemingly adding to the ethereal glow of your beauty. Your lips so soft, cherry red and plump enticing his soul to its own perdition. Just as easily as breathing, he could effortlessly steal a kiss this very moment and you wouldn’t even care nor have any knowledge of it the next day. Yet as much as he wanted that, Bobby knows it means nothing and mess up beyond anything he had done up to this point if you don’t kiss him back, if you don’t want him. So, he brushes a bit of hair tickling your nose out of the way before shutting the door and begins the journey back home. So strange the way you feel so familiar, so right in his arms yet the world revolving around you, the very nature of your relationship is anything but that. No longer was he the companionship to your night out nor could he provide the care he once did on the rare occasion you’d drink past the point of clarity. As he gently places you into the comforting embrace of his bed, a twinge of pain thumps at his heart before electrifying through the entirety of his being. If this was the you and him of the past, Bobby would already be changing you into the comfort of your PJ, knowing just how much you despise bra and all that it stands for, nothing worse than sleeping in a bra, you used to say. Gently, though drunk you has the sleep capability of Snorlax, Bobby still took great care to not disturb your sleep as he delicately worked his way to wipe away your makeup, remembering how pimply you’d get after just one night of forgoing makeup removal. Although he never thought there was anything wrong with it, and that you were just as beautiful as ever even with a few new red friends on our cheeks, he hated seeing you pouting especially over something so trivial. But this is now, and this is the you and him of the present… There’s no “us” and there’s nothing to tie your life streams together other than a few good memories and a ocean of pain. As you roll to your side and snugging closer to the overwhelming scent of home and comfort, a tear burns down his cheek. Bobby watches on helpless because he had crossed far too many lines tonight… And no longer did he have the right. So, he did what little he could, brushing your hair gently away before placing a pillow under your head. He wraps you up in a big cocoon of blankets, situating himself beside your peaceful self just for a second, lingering. He wonders how much different life would be had you stay, had he gone after you… Maybe you’d be his wife, maybe you’d be the mother to his child, children even. Or maybe you both weren’t meant to be together and the tough time would tear you both apart regardless of who stayed and who went. There’s so much what-ifs, so many fantasies he wished you both could’ve see the ending of but alas this is the reality you’ve both chosen and there’s nothing else to do but to sleep in the bed you both have made. Pulling over the cold blanket he had just gotten out of the closet, Bobby settles himself into the couch, sleep was no more of a friend than it had been before the trek through the night toward you. Suddenly, even the distant siren beyond his living room window lost its spark as his eyes traverse toward the tightly shut bedroom door. He could see nothing beyond the white wooden door, silent and stoic in the night, hiding you away from his eyes. Yet his heart knows just beyond the threshold, warmth and comfort await, its owner awaits. Thirty minutes then come the full hour, Bobby was still staring at the cold barrier protecting his princess as his mind roams back to the wonderful days of sharing cover and warm breath tickling soft skin. The echo of each tick of the clock louder than the one before, reminding him once more of the present. His body exhausted yet his mind runs at thousand miles an hour, tracing over every single mistake he had made. The whirling of helicopter replaced by the chirping of the early birds, out and about ready for another day. He has been far too lost in the distant world his mind had made up for you and him when the loud honking of a car somewhere across the apartment complex finally break the trance your present had put Bobby in. He forces himself to turn the other way, blanket pulls over his head before his eyes forced shut hoping to find peace in the short rest till morning come. Surely the consequences of his words will greet him as the day break, so for now, he’ll take whatever sleep he can get. The very next moment consciousness graces his present, Bobby had long forgotten about your drunken confession and that he had very much braved the cold of December to rescue his princess from darkness and strangers’ gazes of the bar. Throwing the blanket that was already very much half pooling on the floor, Bobby mutters a cuss for being so careless, having once again falling asleep on the couch in the cold embrace of the mistress of winter. Drowsy and barely stable, he scratches at an invisible itch, carding his fingers through the soft brown locks before stumbling carelessly into the door of his own bedroom. The loud bang of his door swinging wildly into the wall was followed by a sound that sends shiver down his spine, far worse than the frigidity of morning cold air against his bare skin. The softest groan reaches his ears, delicate and cute as if a kitten awakening from her slumber yet instead of adoration, all he could feel was fear. The giant blanket burrito stirring on his bed drowns his being in panic, brain frantically searching for an answer, a clue as to what the hell had happened the night before. One foot than two, Bobby inches closer to the sleepy bundle, muscles flexing, ready to put up a fight to the drowsy bandit. The sight beholding the surprised man was beyond his imagination, far far beyond the fathomable realm of situations his sleepy mind was prepared for. The memories of the night before come flooding back like a broken dam after a long storm, waves thrashing his heart against the rocks of the past. The quaint touches, your love confession, everything rushes back in a matter of second and it left Bobby breathless in all the best way possible. Somehow in between the time he had left you safe and sound in the comfort of his bed and the moment he had clumsily burst through the threshold, you had managed to create a tiny nest for yourself. Bundling around your body is the hoodie he had carelessly tossed onto the ground the night before along, cradling between your cheek and your hand, the sweat-soaked fabric of his t-shirt. It brings peace to his heart knowing that after all this time, you still find comfort in clinging onto him in your drunken state. So many nights he’d toss and turn simply because you too were doing the same, stirring in your sleep, trying your best to maximize the amount of his body you could hoard for your own. He had forgotten how many nights he took for granted, tossing you a bundle of his clothes simply because he could take no longer the exhaustion, pushing you off to your side of the bed. What he’d give to get those nights back now, to cuddle up to your sleepy self and bask in the way you had taken on the scent of his cologne. He stares in awe for a moment, considering waking you yet in light of the alcohol vapor lingering about still, assaulting his nose, Bobby’s sure you’d love nothing more than a few more minutes of snoozing so he left you be. Bobby could count on one hand the amount of time he had braved the kitchen all on his own when you were still a constant in his life. 90% of those times turned out horribly and most definitely ended up with you cleaning up after his mess. Yet that was then, and this is the now of him spending most of his time alone, dining for one. Fast food and eating out sufficed for as long as it could for there’s no replacing the coziness of a homemade meal. So with burnt pots and scarred fingers, Bobby eventually learned to take care of himself even though there’s no comparison to you. A simple soup bubbling away on the stove, he debates with himself on whether or not you still like eggs. God, you must find him insane having a monologue about eggs while burning his fingers checking the sad state of his porridge pot. Deep down, a soft warmth settling in his chest thinking about the simple breakfast coming together… You, sitting beside him at the dining table. And although he knows for certain the conversation had won’t be a pleasant one, there’s no denying the little bit of joy, having a tiny bit of normalcy back into his sad daily life even if it’s just for a one morning. Far too lost amongst the cloud of steam shooing away the frost-bitten skin of his naked torso and the clanking of metal spoon against pan, Bobby misses completely the silent shuffling growing louder. “You really need to invest in a wooden spatula. Don’t you know you’re not supposed to use metal on nonstick surfaces?” Your words so gentle, all the pain of your last meeting evades. In its place nothing but the warmth he was used to, and perhaps a bit of gruff from a hangover. “Oh… Is that why half my pots and pans are useless now? Even butter sticks to it.” Your sudden entrance got the man hopping back out of shock, yet nevertheless, a shy smile already on his lips. “Yea, you should throw those out. Don’t eat the nonstick coating, it could make you sick.” Inching closer, you let the flame of the burners lulling you back to reality with its wonderful warmth, putting color back into your pale cold skin brushed with the cold of early morning. Eyes carefully going over the bubbling pot of hangover soup, sunny side up eggs, and porridge, a smile blooms on your tired lips at his effort. Good to know he was at the least taking care of himself with homemade meals. “that’s quite an impressive spread you got going there.” “I, uh, can’t take credit for the soup. I bought that.” Bobby shares a sheepish smile before rummaging to plate the egg borderlines on overcooked. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted to eat so I just kind of made both rice and porridge… Should be done soon. It’s not much but I figure it’ll be easy on your stomach. You should go wash up.” He beams at you, the brightest you’ve seen since the first time you laid eyes on the man at the ice cream shop just a month ago. “Why are you staring at me like that?” “uhm… I don’t exactly have anything here to, uh, wash up.” “Oh! Right. I’ll be back.” Tearing away from the pot one second from boiling over, Bobby nearly tumble over knocking into the couch before running back with a bundle in his arms. “Here, these are the smallest clothes I could find. I’m sure you’d be more comfortable in these than…” He eyes the small dress on your body, disheveled and stained from lord knows what yet the simple act of nodding toward your less than pristine choice of clothing soon turns into a walk down memory lane. He traces over every little mole on your skin, the soft curves of your body, down to your delicate fingers. He misses every single detail about you, your laugh, the little dance in the confinement of the passenger seat, your body. Tears brim his eyes as recent past come rushing in, giving him a dose of the lonely reality. “Uhm, here.” “Thank you.” You grab hastily the bundle thrusted into your embrace, not missing the reddening eyes and the silent sniffle. You say nothing more, knowing it’d only add to the sad reality that was you and him, making your way back to the bedroom you thought was only a dream. Any other day and the steaming water washing away the shame of the night before would be something divine, heaven sent. It would mean relief that you had survived another night spent pathetically living precariously through the illusion of the happier past that the bitterness of hard liquor had granted you access to. Yet today, it’s painful, burning every bit of your skin with the reality that you had very much damage the last bit of good remained of the girl he once loved, if there was any good left after the lies you’ve told. Mirror clouded with the lingering steam and vapor of your silent tears, you pull on the clothes barely fitting onto your body, twist and turn to view the outfit hanging loosely. The reflection of yourself in the mirror, blurred, barely visible through the cloud of your regrets. Even through the billows of water vapors and the surprisingly sparkling scent of neroli mingling with bergamot of his body wash, you couldn’t help but let your nose trail on the ghost of Bobby’s scent. You know it was crazy to even try for he had handed you clothes shrouded with the fresh scent of laundry detergent yet there was no helping your hands from bunching up the fabric of the ill-fitted shirt, bringing it close to your nose imagining it was just shed off of his body. Your mind went back to the late nights of digging your face as far into his body as you could, taking in the comforting warmth and soft scent of faint cologne and Bobby. Sorrow overtaking your senses because soon enough, you’d have to leave the safety of this hideout. So just for a few minutes, you let your heart has it moment. Table was set by the time you finished freshen up, Bobby graciously waiting by the table, scrolling through his phone to pass the time. Though the clothes might be small for him, the t-shirt he had given you near hitting knee length and the pair of short barely holding on. The smile he offers was far short of the one you were used to but nevertheless, better than the scowl and pain etching so deep on his features the night everything ended. The meal begins in complete silent despite the friendly small talk and although it was nothing surprising, there’s still a bit of pain lingering for tableside conversation wasn’t something scarce between you two. “I’m really sorry, for bothering you like this.” You say finally, noting the small glances he steals, unable to any longer swallow another bite with the air thicker than tar suffocating all your senses. “I- there’s not enough words to say sorry and thank you for going out of your way to pick me up. I know this wasn’t what you imagined starting your weekend with.” He was the drop of water to quench your thirst, yet you couldn’t imagine the same could be said about you, not after everything that happened. “Y/n, there’s no bother. This is the least I could do after all those years you took care of me.” Was this how it will be? Polite banter and careful dances about the rich history your souls shared for so long? Bobby watches carefully as your dainty fingers pushing your spoon about, rare bites taken he surmises could barely even be qualified as a bite but rather formality to reward his effort. So many question bubbling close, so close to the surface, he could feel them knotting in his throat. Why were you out so late, who were you drinking with, what was your intention behind calling him… He knew your actions were merely alcohol induced yet isn’t it also true that drunkenness only amplifies true intention? “Is something bothering you? Is the food that horrible?” He had to do it, unable to bear the desolation paints so clearly across your features. “Oh, no, not at all. I’m just…” You consider for a second to lie, blame it on the uneasiness of your stomach souring the morning after… But lie isn’t what either of you need, it’s not what Bobby deserve. “I’m so sorry. I really can’t do this.” “Do what?” Panic slowly engulfs his body watching the color leaving your skin, anguish slowly replacing the small smile you had watching him fumbling over the hot soup. “You’re scaring me, Y/n…” “I tried, I really tried to pretend as if this is normal… But I just, I can’t get over the fact that I intruded your life after you had so explicitly expressed your desire to never meet again. This must be so uncomfortable for you.  And I, there isn’t enough sorry I can give for last night, for all the nights before.” Your heart vomits out the guilt pent up and pushed away for a moment of joy pretending as if watching Bobby struggling over breakfast was something normal, just another typical morning in your household. You wanted so badly to hang on to this last piece of happiness with him, to have one last breakfast as a “couple” but alas, guilt was eating you alive even before you realize it was there. “I should go.” No sooner than the last syllable of the sentence left your lips, his hand was already on yours, cradling, squeezing so tightly you could feel the weight on your heart becoming undone. “Don’t… Please. I know I’m despicable, and I’ve accused you of the most horrendous thing… And I’m sorry for that.” His eyes calm, like the grey sky just before a big storm breaking but just beneath the roughness of his voice, panic. You could feel that guilt too was wrecking him apart and it kills you. You’d rather him hate you, never want to again see your face but guilt... Guilt is what keep people from moving on, and that’s not what you want for Bobby. “What you did after we parted, it was none of my business. I know too that heartbreak is much easier dealt with if you have someone to lean on. I crossed far beyond all the lines and I, I’m just so sorry.” “No, your anger was well deserved. I told you lies, that part was true. And I thought for the longest that if you hate me, it’ll be easier for you to move on and be happy. If I can’t provide you with the love and happiness you deserve, then at least someone else can.” How far will you be able to carry your truthfulness, only time can tell. But for now, you’ll do your best to close finally end this chapter of your life and give it the closure it deserved, one that should’ve been written years ago. “That was the sole reason behind everything I’ve done.” “I know you’re not so cruel, and I know in my heart that you wouldn’t forget about me so soon after, just as well as I know you’d never cheat on me… So please, Y/n, end my misery and tell me the truth. I know that night I let anger taken over, but your words matter to me more than you could ever know.” He begs, hands clutching onto yours so tightly, the last line of hope for the drowning man. “When I said it was a misunderstanding, that part was true. I would never cheat on you and rest assure the time we spent together, no matter how shitty, my heart only ever had you in it.” To finally clear up the unspoken thoughts of that night, you felt the weight of the world lifting from your shoulders. Bobby too, seems to have felt the same effect as his head hang low, long sigh release the breath he had been holding. “And the matter of whom my heart had belonged to following our breakup, it was you… Still to this day, only you. It was always you and I’m sorry if I’ve made you thought otherwise, for the pain I’ve caused.” “Why? Why would you- How, what about all the things your boyfriend had said?” “There was, still is no one else. It has always been you and I’ve only lied because I thought it’d protect you. Whatever he had told you, it was done under my instruction.” Tears were once more streaming down your cheeks, sullying the bowl of porridge he had worked so hard on. Bobby falls back into his chair, body limp, no strength for anything else for his brain had taken it all to process the revelation falling from your lips. For reason unknown, you thought it now is the best time for another bite of food only to find it choking with sadness, bitter the entire way down. “Why would you do that? Why would you let me believe in a lie that made me saw you in such a disgusting light? Y/n?” He repeated your name like a mantra, frustration, love, anger, nostalgia, it all mixed up in an undecipherable wave drowning Bobby in guilt. The things he said, oh the things he had accused you of, how could he ever repent for his sins. “I came to visit, a month after we ended things… I knew it was a bad idea, but I couldn’t bear not seeing you. It nearly drove me insane not being able to see you, to speak to you daily.” Your head now too hanging low, recalling the days when wounds were fresh and pain so excruciating, you’ve gone numb. You recall too the excitement of finally seeing that handsome smile and feel the familiarity of happiness. “I was stopping by our coffee shop, figured, if I was to show up and ruin your day, might as well bring some caffeine.” You chuckle bitterly at the past, thinking of how shock he would’ve looked if you just show up at his work with coffees in hand just as you used to. “That was when I realized, we needed to move on if we even hope to survive.” “What are you talking about?” Confusion plagues his features and it was rightfully so. This insane misunderstanding had been solely on you. “I saw you with that girl, seemed like a date. I was happy, honestly, seeing you smiling, going out, having fun. So, I left. I thought that was it, you were moving on and so should I. You could imagine how hurt I was, hearing from our friends that you were still so hung up on what happened to us that you were barely living.” Your eyes trail along the sharp lines of his jaws to the soft pout he has on his lips. Bobby got his gaze on you, watching intently with bated breaths and once more his hands found their way to yours. “It wasn’t your fault, Y/n. It wasn’t anyone’s fault.” The soft sniffles have grown, echoing, spreading through the dead air of the living room that was warming up by the soft sunlight peeking through the living room’s windows. So opposite of the harsh tone and chiding words of the night just mere month ago, his words ring with the dejection of a desperate man. A man that wants so badly for you to realize that the pain of breakup was no one’s fault. It was a part of life and however unpleasant it might be, it was simply inevitable. After all, there are always only two outcomes when hearts begin to beat as one… And neither of you were favored by the grand scale of life. When silent was what met his protest, Bobby finally gazes upon your frail face, glossy with tears and guilt. He wrapped your cheeks in the protective hold of his hands, thumbs gently ridding of the tear hiding away the rosy of your cheeks.  And as if it was his last lifeline out of the tumultuous sea of heartbreak, he places the most delicate kiss upon your forehead. Bobby wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do but it was what his heart told him to. “Hey, it wasn’t your fault. I just needed to deal with pain at my own speed.” “I was hanging on to the image of you, so happy even if it was with someone else and somehow it got me through. Day by day, some days hurt more than others but knowing you were happy, it made my heart content. When I found out you’ve isolated yourself from the rest of the world, I was eaten alive with guilt. Guilt that this all happened because I left… Guilt because I went on living while you were suffering… So, when my friend texted me that he ran into you, I decided to take things into my own hand.” Embolden by the leap he had just taken, you rest your forehead against his, wrapping your own hand around his wrists, fearful still that this is all just another reunion dream your tired mind had conjured up. But that thought was soon banish as Bobby pulls your hands up to his lips and the wings of hundred small kisses flutter against your soft skin, reminding you that he was very much right before you. There are few moments in life that can capture the fleeting nature of life and aside from the moment when you had bid goodbye to your entire life, the very second that text had flashed across your screen was the realest moment in your short days on this Earth. It was so simple, “Hey, I ran into Bobby. He asked about you!”. How could a few sentences, so straightforward, no underlying messages could mess with your heart so much that you felt all the progress you’ve made, all those day coping, surviving this new found loneliness reverting back to the beginning. You contemplated, telling him you were fine, telling him you were miserable, beg for him to take you back… In the end, you asked your dear friend a favor you knew you could never pay back for. A fabricated life in place of the pathetic one you’ve been living. You painted a home with two dogs, a loving business partner, best friend, and lover all in one. Mornings were filled with laughter as you both fought over coffee even though there was more than enough to go around. Nights echoed with the scent of sweat and lingering moans of pleasure as the delectable cloud of a homemade meal wasp around the kitchen, awaiting to be dine. You thought of the future that never was with Bobby as you begged your dear friend to lie for you. “God…” Hands still snuggling yours, Bobby let the weight of his head resting against your knuckles as he mutters soft cusses. He was so wrong, he made you out to be the villain, yet the truth was so far from all the fuck up scenarios he had conjured up in his mind. “I’m so fucking sorry, Y/n. I’m so sorry.” “Don’t be. I started this, none of this was your fault. At the time, I really thought it was the best way to get you to move on... I didn’t think about the consequences, that it would backfire. And I don’t think I can ever make up for it.” A heavy sigh left your lips and your heart wishes so desperately for Bobby to place another kiss upon your skin… Perhaps this time he’d settle for one on your quivering, chapped lips. “How about just start being honest with me? Hmm?” He leans in close, dragging your chair effortlessly right beside his. For the first time since the conversation start, you let yourself focus on the starlight sparkling in his eyes. You were so scare, deadly afraid that if you gaze into his eyes, all you could see was emptiness. Oh, how wrong you were because there’s so much light and warmth emanating from them, so beautiful and tender. “I don’t even know if I should be-“ “No, I know what you’re trying to say. Did you really think I’m letting you go a second time? I’ve got you here, even after the spite I’ve thrown at you, you’re still here with me. You must be insane if you think you’re walking away one more time.” Your self-pity drowns out with all the love his heart could give. Hands once more gently encasing your cheek as he shushes away the lingering tears. “There’s no other place you should be but here. Stay with me.” Your heart nearly explodes in light of the words you desperately hope to hear for the longest. You’ve always wonder what would have happened if you had just stay, screw career, screw the world. What would’ve happened if you had let your heart taken control of your body and soul, letting love win? Like the most wonderful Christmas miracle, life, Bobby had offered you a second chance at the life you wish you have, only this time you both have matured and learned so much from heartache. It wasn’t an easy road here, but it felt so much like the first time. You dive into his arms that was more than ready to welcome you back for they had gone on far too long without feeling the your curves under them. Tears was once more falling, but this time Bobby let them fall because he knows it was out of sheer bliss and happiness… Because he too is crying along with you. Neither of you dare move an inch even as awkward and aching as the position of your intertwining bodies currently in. Breakfast long forgotten and hangover was just something so an hour ago, you could only feel the warmth and solace. “I still love you so much.” It feels as though an eternity had passed since you crawled awkwardly into his arms. You shyly confess, ear pressing up against his chest as the sound of his heart vigorously beating calms yours. “I know, you told me last night.” “I did?” A smirk was already blooming on his lips when you found the strength to pull away from his hug. “I’ll be honest, if you hadn’t sleepily professed your love to me… I don’t know if I would’ve offered breakfast. Not because I don’t want you to stay but rather… After that night, I’m just so scare you’d never want to see me again and crossing more boundary was the last thing I ever want.” Gently brushing away a few locks of hair that was obstruction his view of you, Bobby confesses. “But now, I wouldn’t have this morning any other way, with anyone else. You don’t even know how long I’ve waited for this.” “Thank you, for waiting.” You nuzzle into the crook of his neck, taking in the soft sighs of satisfaction and the gentle sweet words being hum by your loving man. “Why were you out so late last night. I was so scare when I pick up the phone and it wasn’t you on the other end.” Pressing a kiss onto your cheek, Bobby once more has his hand grazing the skin of your face, taking in the way you glow softly under the morning sunlight. He was thanking God that you’re here, in his arm, letting the hotness of your skin under his fingertips shooing away the fear of the night before. “I was so worry, I’m sure I’ve broken every traffic law there is.” “It’s always a bit hard for me around time of our anniversary and, well, your birthday.” You lament the pain the comes twice a year, never fail like an ominous alarm reminding you of your loneliness. “I’ve learned that alcohol numbs the pain…” Your revelation seems to only worsen the concern plaguing the handsome man. “At the very least, it prevented my soul from wandering down the path of self-destruction, wallowing in guilt and the thought of who were celebrating with…” There was no missing the way his eyes dance about as if relearning all the curves of your features and committing to memories all the new freckles and mole you’ve acquired since. Bobby was never shy about eye contact, so it was nothing out of the ordinary for him to really just focus on the way your lashes flutter, still heavy with a bit of tear and sorrow recalling the bitter past. Though soon enough, the reality of just how close you were to him, so close that he could feel your breath hot against his skin, it sinks in fast and he couldn’t stop his eyes from falling onto your lips. He tries, really hard but in the end, no matter which route he took, in the end, his gaze returns to your lips. You too, couldn’t deny the calling for that long-awaited kiss to happen and finally let your heart takes control. You wish you could see his expression as your eyes flutter close, to witness the soft gasp leaving his soul but alas, the soft touches of his lips against yours exceed far beyond anything else. He leans down finally, lips so soft and gentle against the roughness of your own. The first few seconds, neither of you could bear parting way so you both still, taking in the saltiness of leftover tears and the familiar touch that had evaded your lives for so long. Fireworks blossom within your soul, louder and more vibrant with each passing second relishing in the taste of him. But soon that first spark was barely enough to sustain the insatiate hearts desperately trying to sync. Fingers trailing up against the tone muscle of his torso before you let your hand rest on the nape of his neck as his arms fasten around your waist. You’ve waited, wanted this for so long that time no longer a factor in this kiss you’re sharing, deepening so much further as he tilts his head to fully take you in. Pulling away slightly, you nibble on his lower lips lightly before letting the softness of your tongue to sooth the gentle pain. You both kiss for as long as your lungs would allow before parting way, heavy pants, resting in each other arms. “Happy birthday,” You whisper into the small kiss you’ve just placed, unwilling to be apart for so long. “I love you.” “I love you. You’re the best present I could ever hope for.” This was in no way the perfect reunion and quite frankly, there’s still so much more that need to be said, feelings long stored away that need to be dealt with. You’ve spent the first part of your relationship trying to be perfect, to be the couple goal, and to be envy by all your friends. But you know now, no couple is perfect, no love can be without its trials and tribulation. In the end, all you could hope for is to have done the love you have for each other the justice it deserves. You both know in your hearts that the safety and happiness of the other person are what worth the most and that’s all that matter. You have him, and he has you. Life have had its way for far too long and it was time you both, hand in hand, take it by the neck and make it your own. Surely there will be days when life once more gets rough but this time, this time you know with all the certainty in the world that you and he will survive anything. This time, no matter what life throws your way, you’re beyond prepared for all its trickery… Because this time, you have under your belt the experience of a life without each other to remind you both of how fragile this love is. The whisper of a promise to never again leave each other side mingles in the soft giggle of excitement and anticipation. So, as you both let yourselves get lost in the second kiss of your second chance, you hope that the same moon who had for so long watched over your relationship will be there to witness the beginning of your new life with him. You wonder if it is too, proud of the progress you both have made.