#a quick google search shows otherwise

[mithliya]

this is probably a fed or smth she cant be a real person oh my god

i think she wanted to lash out at a group and thought she had a good target for that

[sodafrog13]

honestly kinda fascinating i've never come across any art of hlm characters in the bojack style

[stovetoast]

pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)

ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)

and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy

and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(

anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.

for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.

i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).

that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.

i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.

and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.

when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.

or maybe shes just silly idk

[carlislewoods]

A message for the occult community, as it pertains to practitioners with conditions that can distort the perception of reality — from psychotic disorders, to personality disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders, dissociative disorders, trauma disorders, the autism spectrum, and so many others that can make trusting ourselves difficult at times.

There is a stigma everywhere, including in spiritual circles. There are also uneducated or malicious individuals that can exploit our conditions, or ostracize us.

These disorders do not discredit us. We are not subhuman. We are not unintelligent, weak, nor are we gifted, blessed, or touched by the divine — our conditions and divergencies do not determine our worth.

Our treatment plans, whatever they may be, enhance our spiritual experiences. Treatment does not harm our journey. Receiving help does not 'block our powers' or otherwise disturb the supernatural.

We deserve treatment and support that brings us clarity and allows us to discern between what is real and what is not.  We deserve to be believed and given equal consideration when we provide input. We deserve a good quality of life.

We deserve to be helped, rather than mocked, enabled, or aggravated, when our symptoms appear to mislead us. Those preaching love and light should not encourage the sick to become sicker.

Many disorders can discolor the perception of reality; this effect is not exclusive to disorders with psychotic features. Even healthy individuals can find themselves consumed by dangerous misconceptions.

Do not encourage someone to stop taking their medication, quit therapy, or trigger themselves.  Do not enable delusions or hallucinations. Do not prey on us, do not bully us, do not ignore us.

If you believe anyone is showing signs of psychosis, please do not barrage them. Help them. It may look stupid or bizarre to you, but for us, it is often humiliating and scary.

A quick google search will tell you how to approach someone who has warped perceptions. It can also illustrate the difference between a person experiencing psychosis versus a sane person that is just being very eccentric.

In conclusion. Please have compassion, and treat people as you would like to be treated.

[much-ado-about-whumping]

Help for when you’re having a rough time

(If you're looking for my old pinned post with my whump masterlists, you can find it here.)

In light of some deeply sad news in the whump community today, I’m thinking about how many of us here struggle with mental health, sometimes including physical or mental self-harm and suicidality. Since I know lots of folks might be having a hard time right now, I wanted to share some resources that have helped me in rough moments. Please feel free to add on to this post (or make your own, if you want!) with the resources that have worked for you. 

First, a note:

Trauma, shame, and suicidality all tend to isolate - they make us feel like we’re all alone in the world, like no one else would understand us, and like the only solutions we have available to us are ones we can think of all by ourselves. In my experience, the antidote to that is connection. If you’re feeling scared or alone, you can hop into my asks or DMs if you want. I’m sure there are other folks in this community who would offer that, too. Many of us have grappled with mental health struggles, including suicidal ideation, and sometimes we can offer each other the care that can be hard to offer ourselves. Don’t be afraid to reach out if you need support.

A quick note about location: I live in the US, but about half the resources in this post are written guides you can access from anywhere. The hotlines and warmlines linked below are US-based. One or two are accessible in Canada or have an online chat or moderated forum that could be accessed anywhere. If you have good local resources from another place, please reblog and add them! (Thank you, @straight-to-the-pain, for flagging this in the notes!)

That said, here��s my absolute first recommendation if you’re feeling generally awful and don’t know what to do:

1. You Feel Like Shit (also available at its original site here)

If you’ve read a lot of ~self care tips~ in your life (and if you’re a bit of a salty bitch like me), you might be sick of being told to eat something and take a nap. (I don’t think we can hydrate our way out of long-term trauma and late-stage capitalistic hell, but thanks.) That said, I’ve found this site REALLY helpful. Personally, I have ADHD and CPTSD, a combination that makes it ROUGH for me to know how to take care of myself sometimes. This site speaks to you calmly, like a non-judgemental friend, and walks you through steps that you might struggle with if you have a hard time with executive function in general, or if you’re ill, grieving, overwhelmed, or otherwise just off your game. I pretty much always walk away feeling at least a little better, even if I don’t complete every step.

There are more suggestions and resources below the cut. Wishing everyone in this community love and care. <3

2. The 15-Minute Rule (info available in many places; after a quick google, I really like this site as a place to start)

One key principle to understanding the resources I’ve put together here is the 15-minute rule. If you’re feeling an urge towards physical or mental self-harm or suicide, studies show that the urge is unlikely to last more than about 15 minutes at its peak intensity. (Sorry I don’t have data on this off the bat - anecdotally, I can tell you that this rule also tracks with my own personal experience.) This means that, if you’re presently feeling overwhelmed by grief or pain that’s turning inwards on you, if you can stay afloat through the next few minutes, the tide of it is likely to ebb. The site I linked above has information about this concept and some great harm-reduction ideas, too. (Another resource on this that I liked in my quick search is here.)

3. Read This First (a compassionate distraction from feelings of self-harm)

I’m gonna be honest; this resource is aimed at folks having urges towards physical self-harm, but it looks like something I would find helpful with urges towards emotional self-harm, too. (It also looks like it could be handy for body-focused repetitive behaviors - BFRBs - like dermatillomania/skin-picking or trichotillomania/hair-pulling).

4. Resources from Pete Walker, psychotherapist and author of Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving

Obviously not everyone reading this will have complex PTSD (also called C-PTSD), but if you’re a person who, in general, tends to beat yourself up a lot, I’d highly recommend checking Pete Walker’s work out. If some of it doesn’t apply to you, that’s okay - take what you need, and leave the rest. This site (and the book it references most heavily) assumes you may have had parents who were emotionally or physically abusive or neglectful. If that doesn’t ring true for you, but other parts of the resources seem helpful, use them anyway! A handy place to start maybe this page on Shrinking the Inner Critic in Complex PTSD (that is, reducing the volume of the voice that screeches unpleasantness at you when you feel ashamed or scared).

As a note: this website looks VERY mid-2000s (which I kind of love). Most of the resources you want will be in the right-hand column full of links. Some of those links will open new pages, and some will automatically try to download a PDF of the article you want to read. 

5. Warmlines:

This is something I just learned today - if you’re feeling really lonely and sad, but you’re not in immediate crisis, there are warmlines you can contact! These seem to be numbers where you can call (or sometimes text) to talk with a counselor or trained peer when you need support and connection. I can’t vouch for any of these numbers personally, but as someone who has definitely thought, “It’s not bad enough to REALLY need help,” I think this is a fabulous idea. Here’s a list of warmlines you can check out in the US.

6. Specialized hotlines: 

There are lots of good crisis hotlines out there, but some may be better for your needs than others. For one thing, if you’re feeling seriously suicidal, it’s good to know the policies of the hotline you’re calling. In my opinion, everyone deserves bodily autonomy and the right to refuse care; for that reason, I think it’s important to know the policy of the hotline you’re calling as to whether or not they’ll call emergency services without your consent. Everyone has to make their own judgment call on this one, and I’m a little too (lightly!) triggered to go deep into my analysis on this right now, but I wanted to flag that it’s something to be aware of - if you’re going to call a hotline, you can try to look up their policy on calling emergency services before you contact them. You could probably even ask them in the beginning of the call. (A script: “Before we start, can you tell me what your policy is about contacting emergency services on behalf of callers?” If this is true, you can add: “I’m having some feelings of [suicidality/self-harm], but I’m safe and am not in danger of hurting myself or others.”)

With that in mind, here are some hotlines that seem promising to me, in no particular order:

A. For queer and trans folks in general:

Trans LifeLine

Available in the US (1-877-565-8860) and Canada (1-877-330-6366)

Available in English and Spanish

Will NOT call emergency services without your consent (you can read more about this policy on their website, including here)

Peer to peer support for transgender and questioning folks; also, microgrants (small amounts of money) for trans-related needs!

Does not offer text/chat-based support

I’ve never used Trans LifeLine myself, but I’ve heard excellent things about it from peers who have.

The Trevor Project:

Support from trained counselors for queer, trans, and questioning folks

Definitely available in the US; I’m not sure where else.

Offers support via phone (1-866-488-7386), text message (678-678), and online chat (link here - scroll down to Start Chat)

Also offers an online peer support space, TrevorSpace, for folks ages 13-24

Their site says, “In very specific instances of abuse or a clear concern of an in-progress or imminent suicide, Trevor counselors may need to contact a child welfare agency or emergency service.” When you click Learn More, it takes you to their Terms of Service (informative, but in legalese that might be hard to parse if you’re in crisis).

Again, not a service I’ve used myself, but I’ve heard good things!

B. For BIPOC folks (Black folks, Indigenous folks, and people of color more broadly), especially those who also hold LQBTQI identities:

Call Blackline:

Available via phone or text (both at 1-800-604-5841)

Available for people in crisis. Call Blackline can also help connect you with local community organizers and officials if you need to report a negative, inappropriate, or physical interaction with police, other law enforcement, or vigilantes.

From their website:

Call BlackLine® provides a space for peer support, counseling, reporting of mistreatment, witnessing and affirming the lived experiences for folxs who are most impacted by systematic oppression with an LGBTQ+ Black Femme Lens.Call BlackLine® prioritizes BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, and People of Color). By us for us.

Here’s what I found regarding their policy on emergency services:

You do not have to provide any personal information to use the service. All calls remain private and will never be shared with law enforcement or state agencies of any kind.

Of course, a BIPOC person can contact any hotline for support, but for people dealing with racism, anti-Blackness, and other specific bigotries, I can very much see the importance of talking to someone who shares or understands that experience.

C. For folks processing bad psychedelic trips:

Fireside Project:

This one is something I didn’t even know existed! They do call- or text-based support (1-623-473-7433, or 1-62-FIRESIDE) for people processing psychedelic drug experiences, available 11am to 11pm Pacific time. I don’t have a ton more info, but their site seems really interesting and like they’re serving a unique need.

7. A soothing distraction:

One of the glories of the internet is the fact that it enables us to conjure up images of kittens at a moment’s notice. In that vein, I want to offer up a VERY cute distraction: Peptoc is a hotline (1-707-873-7862, or 1-707-8PEPTOC) where you can hear encouraging messages in English or Spanish from kindergarteners. How sweet is that? (Thanks to the wonderful @newbornwhumperfly for this suggestion!)

--------

Beloved whump community, I want to know about things that help you when you’re struggling. Please feel free to share them if you want.

And, Moya - we’ll miss you so, so much, even those of us (like me) who didn’t know you well. May your memory be an absolute blessing. <3

(I was going to put this in the tags, but oops, it’s going up here - I really hope this post will be helpful to someone, but it was also helpful to me to build. I feel better in a crisis when I can find a way to help - it’s how I soothe myself when I’m sad or scared. I really hope this doesn’t seem preachy or self-aggrandizing - it’s really just me processing-processing-processing. <3)

One more note: if this post makes you think you might want to follow my blog, you're totally welcome, but you should check out my note here first. This is not a DNI list; it's just a heads-up about my content, which could be inappropriate or triggering for some people.

[bezierballad]

IMPORTANT: If you either own or are in a Black Butler themed Discord server, PLEASE READ THIS

Please stay away from this user that goes by Winthlock (or Tsuki. They mostly go by Winthlock, but I'm assuming Tsuki is either one of their alts or a different username they go by)

They're not only a proshipper who raids Kuroshitsuji servers and posts disgusting images (specifically Sebaciel images) but also a hacker.

If they post a link, DO NOT CLICK IT otherwise they will receive your information.

I'm in a Black Butler roleplaying discord server and we just had one of our members hacked by this person

Said member also provided screenshots. (There's a LOOOOT of screenshots btw. Also TW for proshipping and some other gross stuff.)

Classic Sebaciel defender. Lovely. -_-

If you're wondering what Pink no Koneko is, a quick google search shows that it's one of those Sebaciel doujinshis. So now you have a good idea of what's probably behind that censor. 🤢🤮

And here is them posting the links that lead to accounts getting hacked. (In case you don't know, Grabify is what many hackers use to gain access to information such as a user's IP address)

One of the unfortunate victims is a friend of mine and in a mutual Black Butler server.

For those confused; the person who got hacked by Winthlock (I censored said person's name in blue) calling out Winthlock (who is both using the hacked account and trying to play innocent about the whole thing)

The "MA" user you're seeing in the above screenshot is the hacked account.

Please note the same profile picture.

Winthlock also goes by winthlock03 as you can see. (Either it's their alt username or one of their alt accs)

There's also been lots of speculation about Winthlock in general; another user (censored in pink) says that they also have some experience

Another user also states their experience (censored in green)

So if the information in the above screenshots is true, then there's a good chance that Winthlock is not only a proshipper, a hacker, but also a lowkey creep lusting for an underaged character and supporting their kid sister indulging in proshipping. (Again, this part is merely speculation, no screenshots of the comments, were provided unfortunately.)

But yeah, that's the basic gist of it.

I seriously cannot believe people are this petty. Proshipping is one thing: if you ship something disgusting like Sebaciel, fine. Whatever. No point in wasting time trying to change your mind. I'll just block you and move on with my day, simple.

But raiding servers and hacking people's accounts? That's honestly inexcusable. It's honestly abhorrent. And possibly convincing young individuals that proshipping is cool and something they should do and that there's nothing wrong with it? Absolutely degenerate behavior.

And I know there's gonna be someone saying shit among the lines of "Why are you aNTIS so worked up about a fictional ship"

This proshipper is raiding discord servers and hacking people, over a fictional ship. Just think about that for at least five seconds, please.

TL;DR if this person joins your server, please block them and ban them ASAP. Do NOT click the links they post.

[1moreff-creator]

Hello! Not sure if you share headcanons regarding ships, but if so, then do you have any in regard to Xanace? Feel free to discard this if otherwise ^^

Hello! You know, I don’t think I’ve ever really talked about ships outside of some jokes here and there, but I’ll see what I can do! No Killing Game AU because I don’t know what to do within the KG, and mostly fluff because I'm not an angsty kinda mood :v

Getting Together

-Xander and Ace disliked each other upon first meeting in Hope’s Peak, kinda like canon. You know, Ace’s rudeness annoyed Xander, who scared Ace in return.

-But… they shared classes with Mai, who was hellbent on everyone getting along. Somehow she manages to get them to talk in friendlier terms, and they actually find out they have quite a bit in common. I hope you know enough about Mai for that to make sense.

-They start acting a bit like each other’s impulse control, with Xander getting Ace to back down from meaningless fights and Ace rightfully calling out Xander whenever he gets in too deep in something revolution-related and doesn’t get the help he needs (“what? So you think you’re so much smarter than all of us that you’re the only one that can steal those documents? How about you go sleep for the first time this week and I show you how easy it is!”)

-Ace starts feeling safer around Xander because of his inhuman strength and general protectiveness, and Xander starts feeling like he can relax around Ace. Ace is actually pretty funny when he's not being mean, turns out.

-Ace is actually the one to confess first, and he did it by writing a love letter because he was too scared to say it out loud... prompting Xander to first ask Whit and Arei if they were pranking him, because "there's no way Ace writes in cursive." The misunderstanding got resolved quickly, and they got together.

Fluff

-Ace is uniquely capable of getting Xander our of the worst of moods. If Xander's feeling broody and doesn't wanna talk about it, all he has to do to cheer up is watch Ace's silly antics for a little bit, and he'll be fine.

-Whenever Xander gets pissed off at some form of corruption or another, Ace will join in on the hate, even if he has no idea what the situation is.

-Ace likes calling in Xander whenever he gets scared of something, which is pretty often. There are a few dents in Hope's Peak's walls where Xander threw something at a spider on Ace's behalf.

CW: Eating disorder

-Xander always makes sure Ace eats the right amount and healthily, he's inescapable in this aspect. Funnily enough, Ace actually really dislikes a lot of the food Xander makes (way too spicy for him, it's canon the Rebel eats with a lot of spice), which helps him find the motivation to make proper meals for himself as to avoid being forced to eat those monstrosities. Conversely, Xander actually likes Ace's food... provided he's allowed to add a few metric tons of condiments and spices to it.

CW Over

-Xander gets roped into the Halloween Trio (Veronika-Arturo-Ace) movie nights that Vero drags Ace into. He doesn't actually like horror movies (particularly gory ones), but he enjoys it because Ace consistently clings to him for comfort during the scary parts.

-Xander loves Ace's family, because it's so big. 9 siblings?! He knows it's a little weird, but a lot of them remind him of his own family before they, y'know... so he likes hanging out at Ace's house because it kinda fills that hole in his heart.

-A lot of Ace's siblings make fun of Xander's British accent. He's learnt to accept this. They also make fun of Ace a lot, but they do it less in Xander's presence because he scary.

-So much corruption in the horse racing industry gets exposed, courtesy of Xander. So much.

(I don't actually know how corrupt that industry is but based on a quick google search, and given there's money and gambling involved, I'm assuming "at least quite a bit")

-Arei: "How did Ace Markey get a boyfriend before you?"

Whit: "I guess he was done... horsing around xD" (<- Actually very depressed about this fact)

-David is very supportive, since he wants to support anything his idol friend wants to do. He also happens to be mostly exempt from Ace's insults, since Xander gets sad whenever Ace says something bad about him.

-Ace: "Basically you're stupid and Xander's right."

Min: "Do you have any idea of what we're actually discussing?"

Ace: "No, and I don't need to."

-Xander isn't scared of horses or horse-riding, so he asks Ace if he could take him on a ride some time. Ace finally does it one day, except he rides the horse at Ultimate Jockey speed to get it over with faster.

Xander still isn't scared of horse-riding, but he'll probably never ride behind Ace again.

---

I hope that's enough! Thanks for the ask!

[sketchy-the-changeling]

Hey hun I just had a thought but befor I follow through with it, alot of people have been criticizing the killmonger haircut being used too much, is there something deeper then that to it or is that the jist of it

Both? Like, that IS the gist of it but there is a broader conversation to be had.

So to start off so we’re all on the same page, the reason why combover dreads are called Killmonger Dreads is because Killmonger is the most prominent character in recent memory to have them and the amount of characters to have that cut increased a lot since Black Panther came out.

So the reason why black audiences have been criticizing character designers (primarily in video games) for defaulting to the combover dreads is intertwined with a critique we’ve been making for much longer: the lack of variety in hairstyles for black characters.

As the video showed, satirical though it may be, for a lot of black gamers, if we wanted to make a black-looking character, we would only get a buzzcut, an Afro, or MAYBE some cornrows. That was it, and some games didn’t even have that.

So at first when we saw video game characters rocking the combover dreads, we were cool with it. Dreadlocks were historically characterized as “dirty”, “unkempt” or otherwise unattractive hairstyles (three guesses as to why that is), so we were all for video games normalizing them.

But then they did literally nothing else.

Instead of this being a gateway to explore more hairstyles for black characters, we just went from having 3 default settings to 4.

It was even more annoying when characters that were ALREADY known for having dreads inexplicably get their perfectly fine locks changed to the combover style.

Do a quick google search and you’ll find a PLETHORA of styles you can put dreadlocks in.

To put it in perspective: the TERF wizard game has better options for black hair than most games that came out the same year. The TERF wizard game, y’all.

The bar was in hell.

And I say was, because, to end on an optimistic note, I do believe that we’re turning a corner. The Twitter account @/blackhairinvg makes posts showing off the different black hairstyles in various video games from indie to AAA. Dragon’s Dogma 2 gave us 7 (Capcom in general has been getting better and better tbh. Both Monster Hunter Rise and Street Fighter 6 had great options too), and Guild Wars 2 gave us over 20! I think we’re on the right track, and while we may get jumpsared with the combover dreads every now and then, I think video games are getting better with this.

I think the dark ages might be behind us. Cause we were down bad at one point.

[packet-of-staples]

I wanna talk about Elijah Walton and what he and his brother represent in the story because I think it's really interesting.

It's really interesting how Elijah and Don are pretty much an exact mirror of Walt and Roy Disney, even down to their roles in the company. Walt and Elijah were the creatives and Roy and Don were the finance and when Walt died, Roy took over. Atleast this is according to a quick google search. (Though I dont really like comparing Elijah to Walt to a tee just because he was a raging Racist, Sexist and overall bigot while also exploiting his workers and Elijah is propped up to very much be a good person by the narrative, so I'd like to think Elijah wasnt those things atleast for the purpose of this analysis)

Elijah represents those who want to tell stories. The artists, writers, creators etc. He represents the wonder and joy of creating things for others to see and the passion behind it. He is what Walt Disney presented himself as, a fatherly and whimsical story teller sharing art with the masses. His demeanor is warm, inviting and friendly.

Meanwhile Don represents the capital. He looks to what will be profitable, what will make the shareholders happy. He doesnt care about the creativity, evident by the fact their films take a bit of a back seat to American Arcadia and they are willing to let Kovacs go when he is no longer helpful to them. Hes cold, stilted and professional.

In equilibrium Creativity and Money can work, atleast in the society we live in now it does. You need money to create, and creativity makes money, so both are incredibly important. You cant focus too heavily on the creativity otherwise things get too ambitious, people get overworked, it will take too long to finish and you cant fund it. You cant focus too heavily on the money otherwise you will cut corners, exploit people and overall create uncreative pandering art in an effort to make as much money as possible. They need to work together.

And we see them working together with the rise of Walton Pictures.

But what we also see in AA and in our real lives too is the money taking over. We see it in the Arcadians, people who's lives are recorded without their consent, who are brainwashed to remain inside the dome to keep on making money for the company and when they are no longer useful they are basically thrown out. People who are used basically as toys to make Walton more money and for our entertainment. We see it in Disney now, in their under payed Writers, Actors and Animators who have to strike to be payed livable wages. You see it in the sweatshop workers making their merchandise, the exploitation of other people's cultures (see, Disney trying to Trademark fucking Dia De Los Muertos or just the movie Pocahontas) and much more.

The fact that Elijah's death was what caused the turning point for the company to go down into this hellish capitalistic spiral is very poignant. It shows that when Creativity dies and Money takes over, all you are left with greed and suffering.

[yourwakingnightmares]

Jason Todd: Origins, Background, and Childhood

Hi there, yes it's me, crawling out of the woodworks to rant again. Hi.

So, lately I've seen a huge group of people insisting that Jason Todd is...

A) Not Angry Ever

B) Grew up happy and normal, and really, it's classist to assume otherwise.

Now, we're gonna start with this 'classist' bullshit and get it right out of the way. Because it's infuriating, tbh. I spent most of my childhood growing up in a trailer that rarely had running water or electricity because my mother would spend any money she got her grubby hands on, on cigarettes, booze, and drugs.

And I'm not unique, or a special case. According to one Harvard study (1), the highest use of opioid abuse happens "...concentrated in more economically disadvantaged zip codes, indicated by higher rates of poverty and unemployment as well as lower education..."

According to another study by National Bureau of Economic Research, (2) "... Poverty is concentrated in inner-city neighborhoods that are also characterized by high rates of drug use."

This doesn't mean, of course, that every person who is poor, or grows up in generational poverty, is going to use drugs, and abuse their spouse or children, obviously. Many people grow up poor, or even as victims of domestic violence themselves, and don't go on to be abusive, alcoholics, or drug addicts. But denying that there is a huge correlation between poverty and drug use, and domestic violence, is burying our heads in the sand. (Side note: yeah, this is kind of my soap box too for we really need to start doing something about the children growing up in poverty, but I promise, we're getting to Jason Todd.)

Now, as has been established conclusively in canon, Jason Todd grew up in Park Row, also commonly referred to as 'Crime Alley'. This is undeniably, and widely accepted, as the poorest neighborhood in Gotham, with the highest amounts of crime, drug use, homelessness, and prostitution. Essentially, not matter which continuity you're talking about, Crime Alley is a cesspit. This is where Jason Todd grew up, first with his parents, and then with just his mom, then by himself, as a homeless child.

Now, several people I've... ahem... discussed things with lately, have insisted that Willis Todd was really a lovely, lovely person, and that we have no evidence or proof that he was abusive, or an alcoholic. Let me introduce you to a series of comic panels that pretty clearly make the case otherwise.

Or this one...

Or this one, where it says, Willis probably loved his son:

Even a quick google search of Willis Todd will show that the panel above? The one where it says he probably loved his son? That's about the best Jason had. Sure, pre-crisis, Willis was probably great; of course, pre-crisis, Willis and Catherine were also circus acrobats, and Jason was just a blond-haired version of Dick. So I think we can safely say that saying, "Well, PRE-CRISIS..." is kinda pointless and redundant here.

Now, further on, we have Catherine's drug use. While this was made clear in more recent comics...

We also have hints and heavily implied drug use from the 80s comics as well, including this one:

So after growing up with this lovely bunch of dysfunctionality, parentification, poverty, emotional/mental abuse, and most likely physical abuse (or, in a best case, neglect), Willis goes to jail, and Catherine eventually dies of an overdose. Now, canon does get a little hard to follow here, as several sources state she was self-medicating with heroin to deal with her 'illness' (which is usually described as cancer), with others just stating that she used heroin, without giving a reason as to why. But regardless of the 'why' of her drug use... she overdoses, and leaves Jason alone, homeless, in the most violent, crime infested streets of Gotham.

So we've clearly established that, in most continuities, Jason grew up with at best, neglectful parents, at worst, abusive parents (and yes, parentifying your child into having to take care of you is abuse, do not do), and was then homeless for (depending on the continuity) anywhere from 1-3 years (some variations have Bruce picking him up at 11, some at 13, and it's listed as Catherine dying variously when he was 9, 10, and 12).

Now, I want you to imagine all of that. Just for a moment. I want you to try and put yourself into a young Jason's shoes.

When your father is around, he's violent, he yells, he beats your mother, and sometimes he beats you. But when he's around, he brings in enough money to keep food on the table. You have a roof over your head, you have food... At the cost of your physical safety, sure, but you know... He's there, and things are somewhat better.

But he goes to jail, and your mother spirals out of control. You're taking care of her, and really... Either you're stealing to pay for her drug habit, or she's selling herself to pay for her drug habit, and either way, that's gonna traumatize you, while you're trying to take care of her, because she's barely functional, barely even a person anymore.

But then she dies. And now you're all alone. You are -at best -a twelve year old boy, with no skills, no family, and no legal way of making money. You've got limited options, stealing, begging, or selling yourself (and we'll discuss that more in another post).

You survive this, as a child, for anywhere from a year, to three years. Meaning anywhere from an eighth to a quarter of your life, you spend scrambling to find a meal, scrambling to find some place to sleep, trying desperately to survive just one more day, so you can wake up and do it all over again tomorrow.

Now, most of us know at least one small child, or we've seen them in the store. The average ten year old male is about 50 inches tall. That's 4'2". For context, that's about the height of a hockey net. The height of an adult bike. Slightly shorter than the length of an average park bench. Take a moment, and think about a ten year old in your life. Or look at a picture of yourself at ten.

Think about being that little, that small, and having to take care of yourself while living on the streets. Of surviving a New Jersey winter. Imagine what you have to do, on a daily basis, just to survive. Imagine knowing that one bad day could literally mean you starve to death, or freeze to death, or get beaten by someone you have no hope of stopping. Again, in a best case scenario... this is your life for a single year. If we split for the average, you survive two years of this.

What would it take to survive that? What would it do to a young mind, still developing, still learning and growing, not even a teenager yet?

Guess what? Growing up like this? It doesn't create smol cute adorable beans who are happiness and sunshine personified. It doesn't create kids who never get angry, who are just perpetually happy.

Jason Todd was angry, long before he died, probably long before he became Robin. Anger isn't violent. These two things are not mutually exclusive. I can be angry about people starving, I can be angry about people abusing or neglecting their children, I can be angry about a lot of things, without being violent.

I've noticed a disturbing trend of Red Hood fans, who conflate 'Anger' to 'Violence', and can't seem to separate the two. These are the fans who insist that Jason isn't angry, he was only angry after the Lazarus Pit. (In a probably unrelated note, I've noticed these are the same people who insist that Jason's library is full of nothing but classical era feminist literature).

By saying that Jason's not angry, these people are erasing a big part of his characterization, and his early development. They are, in their own way, just as bad as the people who insist that Jason's just a violent little sociopath who kills just because he can. Neither of these extremes take into account Jason's early home life, growing up with domestic violence, then spending a significant part of his formulative years homeless, struggling to survive, and what that would do to a young mind.

[dog-park-dissidents]

im sure youve seen this ask before but! i just got to college how do i find the local music scene? should i be nervous about going to events where 18+ are invited but people will be drinking?

Actually haven't seen this ask before, so here's how we find venues to play at and local openers to book, which is probably the same process that you can use to find your own local music scene

At the most basic, local music venues are probably under "music venues" on Google Maps or Yelp has as "punk rock venues" category, and they MIGHT have a calendar of shows you can look up online. Some smaller underground places might not be on map sites and you may have to just find them through word of mouth

Bandcamp lets you search for artists by location and filter them by genre. We have found many an opening act by trawling through a Bandcamp search of "gay" and [city name] and trying to figure out who is recently active and playing shows. We think this is also how Worriers books tours because Zac tweeted that at Lauren D once and she clicked Like so it was probably relatable

As for figuring out how to be around alcohol while underage, that's kinda something you have to figure out for yourself. Alcohol sales are how a lot of small venues make ends meet, for better or for worse, but if they allow people under 21 in then they've probably got a good handle on checking IDs, otherwise they'd get shut down real quick. Obviously your local venue might be sketchy, so use your judgement, but generally all ages or 18+ venues have figured out how to keep everything chill, so in general there's probably no need to be nervous.

[era404-skib]

(Somewhat silly) Idea on an Alliance & Toilets vs Mothership Battle

So, before I lay out the battle concept, I need to state one theory I believe:

The Mothership is incapable of directly harming others. I believe it serves as a massive power bank / core for the Astros, hence why it didn't teleport in instantaneously like every other Astro - the amount of energy it holds is so high that it takes a while to transport that. Ramming isn't an option either because of its long teleportation time, and even if it could ram, it would risk cracking its defenses, releasing its energy and nuking itself from the force of the impact. Biting is probably not an option either as (a) we've never seen an Astro extend its neck as far as I can remember and (b) it would risk someone like TTV slashing off the neck and killing it. It's able to defend itself by the soldiers it powers and the heavy armour it has.

Now, for the battle concept. Here's where the silly part comes in: I'd like to briefly recount the Milky Way Wishes segment of Kirby Super Star Ultra.

To summarise it very shortly, Kirby has to go through some different planets to reach NOVA, this big machine thingamajig that grants whoever activates it a wish. Right as Kirby is about to make his wish to resolve an ongoing issue, Kirby is knocked to the side by Marx (no, not Karl) and his wish is stolen and Marx becomes fucking God in an effort to try and destroy Kirby. Kirby destroys NOVA from the core out because jokes on Marx, KIRBY is God, and he launches Marx into NOVA and then both it and Marx explode.

Now where this relates back to skib:

I want to see a scenario where TTV teleports TSpeaker back and TCam either escapes or TTV comes back for him. All the non-titan Alliance and Toilet members call a truce - so basically every single standard soldier and toilet they can fit with the Matriarchs, Elites and mutants leading the way as they invade the mothership through an opened door. They KNOW there's some sort of trap inside, otherwise the surrounding Astro troops wouldn't have let them in so easily - but desperate times call for desperate measures. Episode ends on their entry, with the door dramatically shutting behind them, engulfing the army in darkness.

The next episode shows us a POV from TTV - a small camera was attached on each of his little spiky things at the top of his screen so the viewers can look around the streamed footage from all angles (think of it like the 360° view on Google Streetview and Google Earth). TTV is seen teleporting TSpeaker to the Speaker Base (finally showing us what it looks like too :D) and comes back for TCam but can't find him anywhere. Suddenly, GT flies in, followed shortly by the containers attached to the helicopter skibidis. GT was searching for the G-Squad (they went in the mothership alongside the Aliiance) and a confrontation nearly breaks out between the two when TTV receives a message from the TV Scientist telling him to ally up with GT. VERY begrudgingly, the two form a temporary truce, as TTV defends the containers whilst GT breaks them open and attaches his "arms" and "legs" (moreso claws but whatever).

The next episode opens back on the mothership door shutting and the combined army being engulfed in darkness. Suddenly, there's a jolt as Polycephalies rips open the door, chucks it away without a care and jumps in. In the quick upgrades and repairs he received he has a massive expansion of screens and speakers that can extend from his back. Polycephalies and every single camera and TV in the army shine their lights as bright as they can, revealing a very large inner system of the Mothership. They begin to journey through the darkness as they discover zones that vastly differ from eachother - some are rusted, scrappy and are full of spikes and other hazards whilst others are clean and well kept but have extremendefense systems in place. Gradually, the population of the army begins to whittle down.

The next episode cuts to TTV and GT once more (now from a POV cam, not a TTV spike cam), GT finally assembling his upgrades and leaping into battle. Suddenly, a large metal structure teleports in at TTV's feet. TTV gets the memo and picks it up. He is able to twist one of his arms and takes it off safely, attaching the new one in place while hanging the detached regular one on his back. The POV looks at his tablet and flickers onto a livestream from inside the arm - showing Scientist TV having the time of his life controlling it. The arm powers on and begins to revolve at extreme speed - just as a large astro comes rushing towards TTV at lightning speed, which is quickly matches by the built in reaction speed of the arm, which drills into the Astro, leaving a cloud of scrap metal and dust. The arm turns into a trident and curves at the edges slightly - before stabbing the Mothership's spinning ring at a perfect angle. The rapid spinning comes to a stop and the Mothership can no longer fly - so TTV sets her down on the ground, only because there's Alliance members in there, vice versa with GT. In the same moment, multiple bomber Astros try to rush into TTV at that same instant speed with acid - but the reaction speed of the arm is too fast for them. It turns into an Entrapper Astro arm and picks them up before hurling them at the Astros nearby. All the Astros in the region have been destroyed, so TTV and GT stand by, remaining vigilant.

The next episode cuts back to the army inside the bunker, its numbers slowly dwindling. Suddenly, dozens of tiny Astros appear - and start knocking out the army one by one at rapid speeds - too fast for anyone to kill. The G-Squad, Matriarchs, Polycephalies, Elite TV, all the other TV's and the most units and toilets each could carry are the only ones that manage to speed off and shut a large door. The army is now faced with a large core area - many astro troops and defense systems await them and guard the core. I couldn't be arsed to write a full fight scene so just pretend they managed to maneuver around the defense systems and killed the Astros (perhaps Elite TV controlled them and made them fight eachother). They make it to the core, which is completely unprotected, and turn off the armour on the control panel, making the mothership and easy kill. The army, who felt the shake of the mothership being set to the ground, know a titan is out there - and know its TTV as he's uninjured. The TV's send a signal to him to cut open a latch now that the armour is gone and TTV does so. The army scrambles out before TTV picks up the mothership in one hand. Suddenly, TSpeaker flys in - not upgraded, but quickly repaired with some backups the speaker faction made for him prior to the Astro fight - helping TCam, of whom he has finally located, to come over. TTV let's the other two know of the truce with GT, and the 4 focus on annihilating the Mothership. TTV loans some energy to all the others - TCam now has enough to keep going, GT's core now glows again, and TSpeaker is hypercharged.

In the last second, the Astro Emperor (or juggernaut as alot of people call him) tries to stop them, but little does he know, his panic to save the Mothership has cost him his life too. The Titans and GT release core beams in unison - GT spams orbs at inhuman rates, TTV uses the absolute fucking obliterator, TCam uses the flamethrower and TSpeaker uses the beam. They hit the Emperor in unison and its shield completely breaks - and once the combination of all the core attacks hit him, the Emperor crashes down directly onto the Mothership. The Mothership begins to encounter multiple fatal errors from the crash and is about to power off to enter recovery mode and signal for more Astros to come and save her - but TCam, hellbent on vengeance after his injuries, attaches his jetpack to the Mothership and sends it flying back to space where it came from. Unfortunately for it, it doesn't seem to make it as before it surpasses the Atmosphere it explodes like a firework with the power of a nuke. Episode ends.

[basiatlu]

Hey! came across your art through hp fandom, really love the character design. maybe u already said somewhere but I couldn’t find, maybe not - can u please tell more about tools u use, your process in creating, stuff like that. Thanks in advance❣️

Hi!! Thank you a bunch, I’m glad you love my work that warms my heart. I am a hot potato with your flattery 💖☺️

This is a little long so I’ll put it below the break:

I currently work entirely digital in the Procreate app using an iPad Pro (3rd Gen). I used to use photoshop but then Adobe got greedy and I refuse to pay a subscription service for a drawing program I had already paid hundreds out of pocket to use.

My go to brush is the “MaxU Ballpoint Pen” from the Max Comic brush pack. Easily searched on google, he’s very well known in the community for his brushes and offers free ones sometimes I think. Here’s a demo of the brush mentioned and some of my other favorites:

For my process of a full illustration:

I go Concept - Thumbnail Sketch - Reference (if needed) - Sketch Part 2 - CleanUp - Flat (Local) Colors - Shadow Overlay - Finish & Texturizing (the glamor) - Highlights

It seems sort of long and tedious looking at my list now, but I don’t always bring a drawing into Thunderdome Art Piece Territory. Often they stay as part of my digital sketchbook. So then I stop somewhere around ‘CleanUp’ and Flat Color.

Here’s a video time lapse of a recent drawing to show you a quick glance at me cleaning up a sketch from the initial gesture/thumbnail. I don’t usually draw over the sketch on a separate layer - just erase it out of existence and draw it over:

Otherwise everything stays pretty loosely-goosey! It’s takes me a long time to bring it to this stage bc my drawing involves lots of little lines and building up darker edges with that ballpoint pen brush. Lots of pushing and pulling until I get the shape and edge I want, like an oil painting (if you’re familiar sorry lol).

Thank you for your ask and I hope I answered it decently! Anyone out there please feel free to drop any other art process asks and I’ll do my best to respond 💖✨ This was fun!

[blueberry-lemon]

I really loved this show.

I did a quick Google + Tumblr search and found out there's a vocal group of people who hate this show? Which is a huge bummer, and now I guess I won't google around about it anymore lol, but…I wonder if it's partially because of the show not meeting what their expectation was going in.

Nagato was my favorite character from the Haruhi series when I watched the show and read the novels in ninth grade. She was also, if we're being blunt, my first anime crush. So this show basically had me right in its sniper crosshairs from the second I accidentally stumbled on it.

I'll organize these thoughts into three sections: Non-Spoilers, Spoilers for the Anime, and Spoilers for the End of the Manga.

Part 1:

The Disappearance of Nagato Yuki-chan is a slice-of-life romantic comedy about a shy high schooler named Yuki Nagato (first name, surname, whatever you know how it is, I watched the dub because I love the Haruhi dub cast lol)

It's a spin-off of the Haruhi Suzumiya series, and clearly takes inspiration from an alternate universe introduced in The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, which is the film that ended the anime.

The biggest difference between this show and the Haruhi Suzumiya series is that this show does not include aliens, time travelers, ESPers, or anything paranormal. It's just about the characters having silly fun time as high schoolers.

It's a weird vibe to jump into at first, but I really liked it overall. Possibly a hot take, but I love how Yuki is written in this show and I'm relieved that they didn't try to take the "blushing shy bookworm Yuki" version from The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya as a literal inspiration. The Yuki in this show is funny, full of interiority, relatable, and more talkative.

Character-wise I also love Asakura and Haruhi in this show. I was on-edge about Asakura's status as a main character but by the end of the anime (and the manga) she was one of my favorites in the whole cast. Also her dub actor absolutely kills it in every episode. Haruhi, for me, is a strong improvement here than in her own actual series. She's written with care, depth, and humanity while still keeping her personality recognizable. She's much more sympathetic (both our sympathy, and her sympathy too) and it makes it a much easier watch. One of my thorns about the original Haruhi Suzumiya series is how overly cruel she is in the original.

Mikuru and Koizumi get the short end of the stick in this one. Mikuru gets a few lovely character moments ("i'll close my eyes!" is my favorite Mikuru moment across any of these series) but otherwise, both of these characters are basically just one-dimensional gags.

The most tiring parts of this show are when they lean back onto the "kyaaa you fell into my chest" jokes and stuff like that, which were extremely present in Haruhi Suzumiya. It's dumb, and not super funny. Luckily they're not too frequent, and there are ways I can sort-of justify the reason that they're in there, but it'd be a stretch.

All-in-all, I recommend this show to anyone who has watched Haruhi Suzumiya or read the novels! Just make sure you know that it's a silly slice-of-life and not a sci-fi extravaganza. I would not recommend watching this if you haven't seen Haruhi first.

Part 2:

Spoilers for all episodes of the anime below.

I feel like there are two main ways that you can approach this show, and maybe it's part of the reason why it got some backlash.

Interpretation A would be like: this is just a wholly separate story that has absolutely no paranormal stuff and absolutely no connection to the Haruhi Suzumiya story. It's a completely standalone, mundane, romantic comedy about entirely new versions of the characters. Thus, it has the creative right to re-interpret these characters however they choose, and is not obligated to feel "in-character", or have a big "payoff" or "tie-in" back to the Haruhi Suzumiya story.

Interpretation B would be like: this is a loosely tied multiverse story that is actually connected to the Haruhi Suzumiya series. It's the story of some sort of bubble universe that Nagato (the alien from the "Haruhi" series) created so that she can be a normal girl and experience emotions and relationships. Or, at the very least, she can create a new version of herself and let that new version loose in the bubble universe to see "how things would have gone if I was born a different person" or something like that.

I went into the show with both of these interpretations kind of equally floating through my mind, and I think there can be a lot of fun to that! You can do whatever you want. In terms of the writers' intentions, I feel like Interpretation A is the reality. There is absolutely no textual evidence for a multiverse or paranormal connection, and there's a scene later where a character seems to debunk the theory out loud. I think the creators of this series really just wanted to have full reign on it, and not be shackled by a multiverse or a literal followup to the Disappearance film/book.

If you go into the show expecting a multiverse reveal, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. That said, I got some good emotional mileage out of the first half of the show by just muttering "This is what Nagato Prime must have wanted…" to myself at the end of every episode. Lol.

With that out of the way: again, this show really clicked with me. The gags are often pretty funny, the English dub cast is stellar, and the animation is great. There are a lot of things about this art style and character designs that I actually prefer over the original Haruhi Suzumiya by Kyoto Animation.

The show (and manga) are also really great at throwing in little blorbo chibis that I think are cute and funny.

Overall it's just a chill fun vibe. It's nice to "hang out" with these characters again, which is what I think has always been the crux of this whole multimedia franchise. As I mentioned, I think characters like Haruhi (and debatably Nagato) are even more fun to watch here than in the original.

Also, of course: the opening and ending are great and I've been listening to them on loop.

All this amounted to a fairly fun show that I was mostly enjoying (especially that Valentine's Day episode! My heart!!!) but everything really clicked with me once I hit Episode 10: Someday In The Rain.

(reminder, this is the anime spoiler section!)

The show immediately takes a SHARP turn in terms of tone in this episode. After being goofy rom-com silliness across most of the previous episodes, we are suddenly thrust into a sense of uneasiness. Yuki has a fall, having almost gotten hit by a car in the rain. From here, things become dead serious. She's acting strangely, and it's unclear what's going on.

For unexplained reasons related to her accident, her personality has completely shifted. Now, her demeanor is much closer to that of Nagato the alien from Haruhi Suzumiya. And it is not played off as a fun coincidence.

The show enters real drama territory as Yuki is acting strangely and her friends become really concerned for her. The music is completely different, the cinematography feels more unsettling. I was on the edge of my seat, and really appreciated that the show tackled this completely sincerely. Then they hit us with the whammy of Episode 11, where we jump back into Nagato's thoughts and see the day unfold from her perspective.

This turn throws us into a multi-episode arc that lasts pretty much the rest of the show (although is really only a "mid point" in the manga.) Nagato is a new person after the accident. Although she has access to all of Yuki's memories, they don't feel like her own. She has a completely new personality, and is having a conflicted out-of-body experience piloting Yuki's day-to-day life. She has new desires, new interests, new fears, and a new outlook. Now, she has to form new bonds with Kyon and Asakura.

I really like how this plays out dramatically, but it's also just fun in its own right. It's like the creators being like "look, we can write the old robotic Nagato too", and to great effect. It forces Asakura and Kyon to challenge their assumptions and make a new friend. It also, eventually, gets some pretty good gags.

It also gives us a short, emotions-packed, "fast-forwarded" version of the story's whole romance. The love that blossoms between Kyon and this new version of Nagato is, at least for me, really resonant and believable. It also forces this Nagato to be more introspective and brave than her romcom-Yuki counterpart, because this Nagato is reckoning with something that Yuki doesn't: the fear of having dwindling time.

I really adore this arc and it gets me choked up. I thought they nailed it, and honestly this version of "stoic Nagato" is still more interesting to me than any version of Nagato from the original Haruhi Suzumiya series. Blasphemous hot take, I know.

If you subscribe to Interpretation B how I mentioned above, there's some fun here to have if you want to headcanon that this accident is somehow the alien Nagato exerting control over this bubble universe. Maybe it's a thought experiment for Nagato the alien is find out if Kyon could ever truly fall with her monotone and stoic self. Again, I don't think that's at all what the writer intended, but it's a fun headcanon.

I think there's lots of other ways to connect with this arc. We all ask ourselves who we really are under the surface. Do your friends like the "real you"? Can someone fall in love with the "real you"? How do you even decide what side of your personality is more real?

I also think that living in a digital world of smartphones and social media does pretty much force us to have these out-of-body experiences. We are able to replay our own memories as outside observers, and wonder if that was really us who did all those things that are enshrined in digital evidence. I could relate to the things that the new Nagato was toiling over, even if nothing like this has ever happened to me.

I'm sure there are dozens of other connections and interpretations you can make with this arc, including neurodivergence and plural systems and recoveries from real-life brain injuries and accidents. It gave me a lot to think about.

On a bummer note, the anime basically wraps up here. I don't know if they were hoping to get another season or what, but this arc basically ends up having to serve as the culmination and ending of the anime. I don't love that, because it kind of ends the anime on a weird note.

Part 3:

Spoilers for volumes 6 through 10 of the manga below.

The anime ending felt so quick, it had me dying to check out the manga. I had to know how this all ended. What happens after this crazy experience? Do Kyon and Yuki fall in love for real???

The remaining manga volumes were a joy to read. We get even more blorbo chibis, and even more Asakura-being-a-self-conscious-mom. We got to see Kyon and Yuki, back to her normal self, bonding and growing together through the rest of their high school.

The final volume/arc in particular, centering on Asakura, I thought was great and really brought her character (and Yuki) to a satisfying conclusion.

I don't know how romcoms usually end, but I was happy to have this one give us a very corny and sweet "well here's them at graduation and afterward" fast-forward through time. I live for that stuff. Also the stuff at the end with the different haircuts and learning to cook, it was great and it felt like it really propelled Yuki forward in a way that characters from the original Haruhi Suzumiya don't really get to permanently change.

I think the manga really benefits from telling the entire story of their high school career and not ending at the conclusion of the personality change arc. With this more zoomed out view, that experience was almost like a traumatic event that they both went through, which helped solidify their feelings.

Anyway, all of that is to say…I think this is a really cute, special story and I'm glad I dipped a toe back into my Haruhi Suzumiya phase to check it out. I know it's not the surreal sci-fi story of the original, and it deals more in "mundane" than in "novelty." But I think that's more what I was looking for, these days.

At the very least, Nagato's status as "favorite anime character" has been re-earned, and can now be defended for years to come.

[facet-project]

september devblog!

this one's a littleeee quick and another one of those months where i can't like. show a chicken png and go "i did chickens :)" it's a lot of background processes and first steps to make things easier for me in the long run. 90% of this is me going "well i can't show you this. but know i'm doing it" and for that i am Sorry

this month was weird because i changed trajectories a few times. so i got a lot of Little Bits of random stuff done in lieu of doing anything Super Huge. i always feel weird on these months because it feels like i'm slacking but it's getting things set up to do big leaps later (and giving myself grace, one of the weekends i was supposed to work on this was the weekend the damn hurricane came in, ha....)

so remember when i said the prototype was slapped together with rubber bands and bubble gum? so whenever you entered a menu, i did an oopsie and had the player inputs Freeze instead of disabling movement. which resulted in a lot of softlocks where you couldn't get out of a menu without knowing the secret developer menu code that i made for debug. so now i'm working on a player state machine that knows what kind of movement the player is doing, which can turn off when you're menuing or when your movement is otherwise disabled! which makes the movement a lot more sophisticated (and a lot of work to set up and test). this is not finished yet but i've got the skeleton of it done, i just need to finish up the walking sprites and hook it up to the animation manager

some things i was working on was actual game Design: figuring out the nitty-gritty behind gifting and relationships, tying down what events and festivals happen at what parts of the year, writing down What Assets I'd Need For All Of This and paring down/throwing out old parts of the game document that don't apply anymore

and then story design stuff too! there are many story and plotlines running around town and i've started tying some of them down and seeing what can weave in with each other. i'm mostly focusing on nightshade mode, which is the shorter story mode i'm building before doing the custom character route.

and some of the character storylines requires me to do research on certain things i don't have firsthand experience with, so i'm getting that all squared away. don't look at my google search history. you'll think i'm a murderer trying to work through a bunch of different identity issues

next month is going to be Musical Lockdown. i have a week dogsitting for my parents with access to some of my dad's recording equipment and By God I'm Using That Time To Its Fullest. i have other things to do but that's the most important for october just because i don't get access to a quiet studio space too often. i hope these dogs don't mind it when i start shredding on the violin for like three hours at a time. i'm bringing extra strings i'm anticipating wearing my current ones out.

i know i said i wouldn't post music demos on here but like.. man i feel bad i don't have a lot to show off!! here's a shitty phone recording of my un-amped violin playing a teeny tiny melody i don't know what to do with yet

also, psst... no promises, but since next month is october... i may post a bunch of doodles of concept art of some of the townsfolk's scarecrow festival outfits. not doing a full inktober or anything but i think it would be fun!! it'll be the first time anyone outside my closest circle has seen most of these characters but p'shaww everyone loves halloween costumes

[didhewinkback]

OMFG I just read something old and MANNNN. You got me feeling all types of ways holy shit. The most I’ve ever felt reading a series holy cow. You are so fucking talented. Wowza. Please continue with the blurbs I feel like they are part of my life now.

Also does the fans know about Y/N and Harry’s current relationship? How did they feel when things were first announced after the wedding was called off and their relationship was exposed for the first time?

omg helllloooo you angel on earth !!! this message is soo lovely and kind and idk what i did to deserve it. i am so grateful that you took the time to write me and that you love the story so much!! i appreciate this message more than you knoow.

sorry this took me ages to answer as an apology i essentially wrote you a blurb pls see below

so per harry and erin's teams' agreement, the public never knew a wedding was supposed to take place. anyone who worked it had signed a pretty ironclad nda & all guests in attendance knew to stay silent about it, though some of erin's friends did try to go to deuxmoi at one point months later but that got shut down pretty quick. when the press release about the engagement ending came out, there was obviously endless speculation about it, discourse, tiktoks etc. people had a lot of feelings about harry and erin's relationship, they either absolutely loved the fashion power couple or they absolutely hated it and it was best to avoid any and all discussions on the matter, made easier by the break up being announced when you were on pause and doing your best to ignore any and all celeb news (though you did do some google searches at 3 am when you couldn't sleep but it immediately made you feel terrible so you avoided it like the plague, knowing if you needed to know something, harry would tell you)

as for your relationship, you both kept it realllly low key and private for the first year, wanting the broken off engagement to become old old news before anything got speculated about the two of you, harry was pretty adamant about ensuring no one connected you to the breakup. it was much easier than it sounds, he can really disappear when he needs to and it was important to both of you to protect what you had, shield it from prying eyes. his relationship with erin had been highly publicized and he had no interest in doing that again and you couldn't agree more, you've got no interest in that world or leaning into the public eye, so that first year was quite lovely, going on dates around london, moving in together around his birthday, 8 months into dating officially but conventional timelines never applied to you both. if you ever were spotted out together by fans, any speculation got shut down pretty quickly, people recognized you as his lifelong childhood friend and had no reason to assume otherwise, which worked in your favor when his tour started up again and there was tiktok upon tiktok about how "yes you've been to more shows than usual but jeff's at every show and no one thinks he's dating harry so why would they think it about you??" you avoided it all but roxy loved to take the piss, sending you screenshots every so often when you would show up on her for you page with a text "cannot seem to escape this bitch" to which you would reply "just how many videos of h's concert were you watching to get this on your algorithm?"

its in december 2021, the start of his few months off before the work craziness resumes, a lazy sunday morning. you're lounging on the couch, half heartedly clicking through netflix when you hear him come back into the house from his coffee run, hearing snippets of the phone call he's having getting louder after he kicks his shoes off and makes his way towards you.

"Yeah, I'll talk to her 'nd get back to you." he says, as he turns the corner, still bundled up with his beanie and hoodie pulled over his head, brow furrowed as he listens to the other end while still balancing the coffees and bag of pastries in his hand. "Yeah, for sure. Okay I'll call you back. Love you bro, bye."

He hangs up the phone, placing the treats on the coffee table before taking out his airpods and shuffling over to you. He hovers over where you lay, resting his hands on the back and arm of the couch before leaning in.

"Hi," he murmurs with a soft smile on his face, leaning in to kiss you.

You shudder when you pull away, the frost from outside having seeped into his face. "You're cold," you say with a small frown to which he immediately rolls his eyes and nudges his cold nose down the side of your face, pressing kisses all along your cheeks, forehead, jawline, until you push him away with a giggle. He smacks one final kiss to your head before pulling away, tugging his hoodie off his head and taking his beanie off to shake out his hair.

He leans back to grab the coffee off the table, handing you your cup while throwing the bag of pastries onto your lap before he grabs his own cup, lifting your legs temporarily before settling on the other side of the couch, placing your ankles over his lap. He leans back, resting his head against the back of the couch and closing his eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath. You assume you're the "her" he mentioned on the phone earlier but you opt to give him time, peeling open the pastry bag to see what he picked up.

"Got something weird to talk to y' about." he says, making you pause in your rifling efforts as you look over at him, finding him in the same position, his eyes still closed.

"Oookay."

He squeezes your ankle once, opening his eyes and rolling his head along the back of the couch to look at you.

"There was a pap yesterday. Last night. On our walk. Don't know how but - here." He pulls his phone out of his sweatshirt pocket, quickly unlocking it before handing it over to you.

You feel an uneasy pit in your stomach as you swipe through the photos, though there's nothing bad or damning or embarrassing about them. Objectively, they're quite lovely. The two of you bundled up through the blustery London night, his arm wrapped around your shoulders with yours around his waist, him pulling you into his chest as you laugh, his chin resting against your head, then pressing a kiss to your hair. You both look happy, really, really happy, completely unaware of any eyes on you. You keep scrolling through and - ah. There's the most revealing one, the two of you smiling up at each other before he pulls you into a kiss with his hands cradling your face.

You can feel his eyes on you, intently watching every emotion that passes over your face, thumb rubbing circles along your ankle. It's so weird, is the thing. To see this intimate moment between you two captured by a complete stranger who you had no idea was watching you. You've somehow managed to avoid this happening up until this point, the combination of lawsuits he has against paps in London and being able to blend in with the crowd having worked in your favor for the last year. It's a bizarre feeling, to feel like you got too complacent in your own life, should've been more aware of your surroundings. But also? Fuck that. You're not going to live your life differently because of what other people are doing or thinking. They're the ones with the issue, not you.

"'m so sorry," he says, 'Had no idea -"

"No no no," you say quickly cutting him off, as you hand him his phone back, sitting up and taking his hand when he offers it. "No need to apologize."

"Daily Mail and a few others got a hold of 'em, that was Jeff earlier. He and Sadie wanted to see if we wanted them to run any kind of interference." he says, small frown on his face as he plays with your palm, fingers drawing mindless patterns. "The photos are getting published regardless but like they could try to keep you as a mystery woman or summat -"

You snort, shaking your head as you rest your forehead on his shoulder, his arms wrapping around you and pulling you close. It takes a second of rearranging your legs before you're sat on his lap, his hand rubbing up and down your back. You pull back to look at him, hands coming up to cradle his face. He leans into the touch, turning to plant a kiss to your palm.

"You okay?" you ask quietly.

He nods. "Just don't like getting caught off guard like that. Don't like that people who don't know us will get to -"

"Yeah."

"And I don't want to fuck things up for you. Like your job or -"

"Everyone at work already knew. And those who didn't met you last week. Most people are barely on the internet there, I'm not stressed. " you say, sliding your hands to rest on his shoulders as he nods, brow furrowed in thought.

"'s gonna be intense for a bit. Might be good to hop on a call with Jeff and Sadie, see what boundaries we can set, control what we can control."

"Yeah, that'd be good," you say, your mind whirling as the reality of the situation sets in, photos of you kissing your boyfriend splashed all over the internet. Christ.

"Hey," he says gently. "Talk to me?"

"Sorry," you say, shaking your head. "I'm good. Just - it's a lot. It's definitely gonna be weird, nothing I can't adjust to but still just. Bizarre."

"Yeah." he says, his hand coming up rest at the back of your neck. "You look really fit in the photos if that helps."

You laugh, watching as the smile grows across his face, his thumb catching on your jawline.

"It does, thanks." you say, smiling back at him.

"'m really sorry this can't be easier. Being with me -"

"Shut up." you say, surprising a laugh out of him. "Please. This is nothing. Easy to ignore at the end of the day. All that matters to me is you."

"Same here," he says, taking a deep breath, lips twitching up. "All that matters to me is me."

"You're so stupid, I knew you were gonna say that -" you say, laughing as you slap him on the chest, trying to twist out of his hold but he pulls you back in.

"'s you, 's you. You know 's you darling, come here." he murmurs, smiling when you press your lips to his, gripping your neck a bit tighter as he kisses you back. You know you have to call back his team, figure out some logistics but that can wait. All you want is right here.

---

so yes, the photos get published, the fans freak out. lots claiming they always always knew, many spending their time trying to piece together the relationship timeline, no one connecting it back to erin thankfully. it helps that she is busy with her new billionaire boyfriend, (you almost clicked on their architectural digest tour the other day before deciding against it). but you both really ignore it all, keep going about your lives, nothing really changes because you don't let it. you both still want to keep your relationship out of the public eye as much as you can, it doesn't stop fans or paps from taking your picture when you're out together but its easy to ignore it, just focus on each other, ignore the noise and the crazy corners of the internet.

he rarely talks about you in interviews, confirming you're together, maybe a brief mention or two of his girlfriend but refusing to go beyond that. it's only in his zane lowe interview in late 2024 that he goes into a little more detail when describing his inspiration for his new album, but at that point he's calling you something entirely different :) :) :)

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