#a nerf gun. sorry bout that

[luxthestrange]

Incorrect quotes#749 Hell-a DogCop 4 High-five

Luke:Who is Shy Shen?!*Holding the Toy Gun to Beelz head*

Beel*With a cocky smirk,tells Nun Simeon something*

Luke: What did he say, Sister? *Looks at Simeon*

Sim:He said "shoot me"

Luke*Pulls the trigger but nothing happens,looks at cerberus*Cerb, there's no bullets in here!

Beel*Jumps in fear and curses*!?!

Cerb*Nudging with his nose,nerf bullets towards Luke*"Oof I'm sorry"

Luke: I am trying to kill somebody,Man!*Reloads the toy gun* Shucks!, OK You better tell me something right now. I'll send you right to heaven, man- I don't even care no more!

Cerb"Luke..."

Luke: I'm marked for death, I ain't got nothin' to lose!?!

Sim*Starts to pray for the soon to be "departed" Beelzebub*

Luke:That's right, Sister-Call the Lord and tell him he 'bout to have some company!

Cerb"Luke,Stop!"

Luke:Tell me something!

Cerb"Luke,Enough!?"

Luke: Oh~, he's almost done Forgive me!, Father, for I have sinned!?

Beel*Looks at Nun Simeon speaks in panic*!?!

Sim:He says wait!

Luke:What did he say?

Sim:50 Franklin D. Roosevelt. Geneviève

Cerb"Thank you"*Wagging tail as he knows they won*

Luke:Nice workin' with ya, Sister*Grin at Nun Simeon*

Sim:Anytime, brother*Gives Luke CRISP highfive*

...Luke really wants to act like Mammon as a cop...and simeon doesnt know how to feel about that internally but he cant say no when Luke and Cerberus are both matchin in those cop costumes!~

[somevillainfuckery]

Update!! (Crime happened, lucky me..)

Casually remembered I have Tumblr lol- Uh so like, I have a lot of overdue schoolwork, but I do plan on doing more drawings (with some actual effort)! I have a lot of doodles, random Baldi content (especially now with how much I love Dr. Reflex), and just random OCs n stuff, so expect a lot of that. Discord is being sucky tbh, so for the poor unfortunate souls that know me on Discord, sorry bout that ;--; As for the reason of my recent absence, my aunt (who shall no be named), and her ass of a boyfriend threw us out (yet held us hostage when we tried to leave???? Had to call the cops and hide upstairs earlier this week when this whole thing started, since they own a whole ass arsenal of weapons downstairs, they really are as dumb as I thought), so now we're living with my other aunt. We gotta pack a lot of our stuff still, we're getting in a new place which means my own private area, no more sharing a room, yippee! The ass aunt stole all my nerf guns, half my movies, and who the hell knows what else of mine and gave it to her brats, but at this point I literally couldn't care less. But luckily, I work fairly fast, we've already got a place we're looking at, and I never get to see the STD-making-machine I'm forced to call a family member ever again✨ I should be able to get back on track with my garbage content shortly

[containatrocity]

"Robin, don't you go runnin' off, like that again." Duck grunts, his son hoisted up and tossed over one shoulder, the eight year old giggling and squirming in place. "Yer sister's workin' today, and I don't know how yer gonna feel about it when you have a job, but I find bein' shot in the face while I'm on the clock to be a pretty substantial dampener to anything I'm up to, alright? so you stick close to me and-"

"Have you ever been shot in the face at work, daddy?"

"I spent enough years being shot at at work that I think I can soundly say being shot anywhere at work makes it a bad day, bud." He declares, reaching his free hand up to adjust the mask pulled down over his face- he's thankful, really, for the hood pulled over his hair, keeping the worst of the sun from beating away at him.

"What about that guy? I can shoot that guy from up here!" Robin declares- and before he can stop him, Robin's lined up a shot, and loosed a nerf dart at the face of whoever he'd been talking about- Duck turning around just in time to see it catch Jahi in the forehead. He's about to scold Robin before he snorts.

"Damn- solid shot, kiddo." He chuckles. "Sorry 'bout him, Joey." He sits Robin down by his feet, reaching one gloved hand down to set on his head and keep him nearby. "That's on me, I shoulda taken the gun before I picked up th' gradeschooler. Really I just gave him a better vantage point."

@crazedhatesoul

[barbaracleboy]

Bugtober Day 21: CD-i

Oh, I have been looking FORWARD to this day. Unfortunately I wasn't able to work on it as much as I'd like to over the past couple days, but I've been working on it since, like, the sixth. I really hope that you guys like it, even if it's weird on account of basically being a transcript of a YouTube Poop I came up with.

Long story short, I imagined a Zelda CD-i YTP but with Bug Fables characters representing the Zelda characters. Characters will refer to each other with the Zelda names in dialogue but the narration and whatnot will refer to them with BF names. (So, for example, something like:

"Bianca: Zelda, where are you?"

"Vi: Here.")

Hope that's not too confusing, ha. If you read I hope you enjoy it, either way have a great time!

In the Kingdom of Bugaria (and by Bugaria I mean Hyrule), Link (and by Link I mean Kabbu) was sleeping in his comfy little bed, wearing his Octorok-patterned nightcap and cuddling with his Dodongo plushy. Morning had arrived, however, and so Kabbu's alarm went off.

Kabbu's Alarm: (As painfully loud as you can comprehend) ualuealuealeuale ualuelaelaellalea, alsualsualualauusualulus ,,,alsualsualualauusualulus Chacarron, Chacarron,-

Kabbu (Link): (Sits up) aaaAaAAAAAAaaAAAAAaAAAAaaAAaAAaAAAaAAAAAAAaaAaaaaAAAAaAAAaaAAaa Good morning, Sun!

The Sun: GO FFFFFUCK YOURSELF!!!

Kabbu: Wah!

(Crashes into Vi (Zelda) )

Kabbu: Hi Zelda! (Runs off)

Zelda:...Hey.

Kabbu: Hey, The King!

Queen Bianca (King Harkinian): Not now, Link! I'm interrogating Duke Onkled on the whereabouts of my chalupa.

Hector (Duke Onkled): But I told you, I was gaming for fourteen days straight!

Zelda: Are you alright?

In Hector's Mind: (♩ We got a number one victory royale, yeah, Fortnite, we 'bout to get down-♩ )

Hector: no

Bianca: Enough! I can't rule without something to eat first, so Duke Onkled..

Bianca: (Mutates horrifically and looms over Duke Onkled) Where...is...my... D̶̲̘͖͓̥̼̺͚͍͚̫͖͛͆̓͂́͜͜͠͠I̵̧̧͖̪͔̯͔͑̅̋̒̄͛N̴̛̛̜̻̝̩̝̰͙̬̓̀̑̓͋͑́̍̓̚̕̕͝N̸̲̈E̸̛̘̮̘͖̙̻̺̥͎̮̻̎͋̌̏͛̓̒̔��͆̐͛̚͝R̷̛͇͎̞̞͕͚̹͚̤̰̀̆̐̀̿͊̎̋̔̀̐̐̕?̵̧̟̺̠̟̙̬̤͉̦͓̞̓̄̊̌̉̍͊̾͜?̸̗̱̪͕̻̣̦̙̫̣̖̹̭̓͆͝ͅ?̸̖̫̫͇̩͆͛͝

Hector: HAVE MERCY!!!

Suddenly Leif (Gwonam) flies in through a nearby window, getting covered in sharp glass.

Leif: Your-ow-majesty, Ganon and his minions have seized the food of Koridai.

Bianca twists her head to face behind her unnaturally.

Bianca:...What about Hyrule?

Leif: That too.

Bianca: Hmmm. (Twists the rest of her body to match her head) Link-

Leif: Also it's breakfast time.

Bianca:...Link, go to Koridai and take the dinner back from Ganon.

Kabbu: Oh BOY! (Jumps out a window.)

Link: (Flapping his arms like wings to fly) Woooooooooowwwwwwwww...

Bianca: Oh, alright.

Vi: (Sighs) Gwonam, can we go to Koridai to make sure Link doesn't-

Leif: Die, yes.

Leif and Vi jump onto Leif's magic carpet, which very quickly flies into a huge series of shuttle loops.

Leif: Squadaladaladaladaladaladaladaladaladaladaladaladaladaladalada-(zips off)-LAAAAAAAH!!

Leif: Hang on, Zelda!

Vi: (Vomits like Peter Griffin).

Meanwhile, Kabbu lands right in front of the shop of Morshu (Fry).

Kabbu: Before I kick Ganon's balls, I need some ♩ W-E-A-P-O-N-R-Y, WEAPONRY!!! (Crashes through Fry(Morshu)'s door to the music) ♩

Fry: FOCK! (Shuts his laptop closed) Link, don't pull that crap!

Kabbu: Hi, Morshu! What can I get for...

Link looks in his pocket and finds nothing but his Smart Sword (It won't hurt anyone friendly! In fact, it makes them talk!) and a fake wand made of plastic.

Kabbu: (Pulls out the plastic stick) This magic wand?

Fry:...(Puts down a balloon shaped like his head) Bolloon.

Kabbu: Oh boy! Anything else?

Fry: Fuck off.

Kabbu: :(

Fry: Mmm...sorry, Link. Have this. (Hands him a toy Nerf gun)

Kabbu: Wowww!...Got an uzi?

Fry: (In a voice that's clearly not his) It's Nerf, or nothing!

Link: Okay! (Grabs the stuff Morshu gave him) Lah lah lah lah lah! (Breaks out the wall)

Morshu: Ah...(Opens back up his laptop) Mmm...I can use lamp oil as l-

Five minutes later, back at the castle.

Bianca:...Dammit, I'm hungry and bored.

Hector: Wanna watch me game?

Bianca: Dude, no.

Bianca pulls out a phone and calls up her old ally Queen Elizant II (Lord Kiro), who on her phone is listed as "That guy". You know. That guy. Lord Kiro. The "Here's the traitor you're majesty!" guy. Anywho, she's in the gym lifting weights like a friggin' badass whilst listening to music on headphones.

Elizant's Headphones: ♩ It's Christmas at Ground Zero, and the missiles are on their way. What a crazy fluke, we're gonna get nuked-♩

The music is interrupted by a phone call from Bianca (Named "Sweet Cheeks" on Kiro's phone).

Elizant: (Answers the call) Yes, my liege?

Bianca: Kiro, can you come over?

Elizant: Sorry, but I'm getting gains.

Bianca: But I'm alone.

Suddenly Elizant jumps out of the gym roof and through Bianca's roof.

Elizant: Hey, what's...

Hector waves "hello" meekly.

Bianca:...With Duke Onkled.

Hector: Hello-

Elizant: Fuck you.

After flying for a while Leif stops his flying carpet, launching himself and Vi into a tavern in Koridai. Leif lands on his feet like it's nothing while Vi faceplants.

Leif: I've gAHt to sit and shit.

Vi: You'd better shit fast.

Tanjerin (Droolik the Drunk Guy): Where you headed, partner?

Zelda: We're trying to find Link.

Leif: And beat Ganon['s ç̴̡̹̳̣̲͇̝͚͌̔*̶͖͇̬͇̘̝̳͚̖̙̞̝̙̀̽͒̈̉̾̽͒̇̋̚c̶̹͓̳̔̉͊k̸̪̅̕]

Vi: What.

Tanjerin: Don't fuuuck him, feeeed him-*chomps something* mmmm-this!

Vi: What is it?

Tanjerin: Raw meat!

Vi:...

Tanjerin falls over and dies.

Vi:...

Leif: SalmonellAH! *Leaves for the bathroom.*

Vi: *Sighs*

As Leif takes a dump, Kabbu is exploring around Koridai.

Kabbu: Oh boy, I can't wait to find Ganon!...How am I gonna find Ganon?

Finds a pile of bombs

Kabbu: Oh boy! Free bombs!

Kabbu runs around Koridai throwing bombs everywhere as the sounds of screaming and also Soulja Boy's "I'm So Fresh You Can Suck My Nuts" play.

Five minutes later, back at the castle.

Bianca: Did you bring pizza?

Elizant: Nay.

Bianca: Corn?

Elizant: Nay.

Bianca: How about nougat?

a horse: Neigh.

Bianca: Dammit, do you have any food?

Elizant: At my house, yes.

Bianca: Can you bring some?

Elizant:...I live on a separate landmass.

Bianca: How'd you get here so fast then?

Elizant: Because I thought you wanted to h-ah, never mind.

Bianca: Well, I'm hungry and have nothing to do but sit and talk with Duke Onkled. And also Impa.

Chompy (Impa): (Is Asleep) HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK-SHWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-BLBLBLBLLBLBLBLBLBBLB-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK-HWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-SHAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW-BLBLBLLBLBLB-HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-MIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMIMI-SHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HOOOOONKKKKK-BIDIBIDIBIDIBIDIBIDI

Elizant: I'm sorry but I guess Duke Onkled-(Sees something behind Bianca) TRAITOR!

Bianca: (Turns around) What's-OAH!

They both see Hector scarfing down a Lean Pocket that was still in the freezer (which he left open), and just stand as he turns to look back at them. He swallows the last of the Lean Pocket worriedly before looking around for something to do or say.

Hector:...Lean Pockets♩!

Bianca: (Rage slowly boiling inside of her)...fffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!

Bianca's FUUCK echoes out so loudly it even reaches Koridai, catching Vi's attention as she and Leif walk around.

Vi:...Father?

Leif: Enough of that, Zelda. We have to focus on finding Ganon.

Bianca's cry causes a rockslide nearby, where one boulder lands on Leif and reveals a door with a sign above it saying "Front Entrance to Ganon's Lair".

Vi: Great! :D

Leif: My legs...

Vi: Walk it off.

Hoaxe (Ganon) holds up a chalupa whilst sitting on a massive pile of food.

Hoaxe: You are my dinner! (Bites the chalupa before spasming in disgust.)

Hoaxe: Chalupa! You must DIE!!!

Kabbu: Hey, Ganon!

Hoaxe: Hmm?

Hoaxe looks to his left to see Kabbu standing and smiling like a tool.

Hoaxe: Link??? How'd you find me?

70% of Koridai is a smoldering crater.

Kabbu: Oops! Got carried away!

Kabbu: Now! (Pulls out the Nerf gun) Give me back Koridai and Hyrule's food or else!

Hoaxe: Or else what, butt face?

Vi: Or else we'll join in!

Hoaxe looks to his right to see Vi and Leif, standing perhaps less goofily.

Hoaxe: Zelda?! (Sees Leif) No!!! Shriveled old turd!!!

Leif: You. Must. Die.

Kabbu: You can't win, Ganon! Not with my gun!

Hoaxe: (Pulls out a gun) GOOD OLD AMERICAN MMMMMMAGNUM!

Kabbu: Oh, shoot!

Hoaxe: Okie dokie! >:3

Vi: Hey, Ganon!

Hoaxe: What?

Vi: Go long! (Throws the raw meat at Ganon)

Hoaxe: Hah! (Eats the meat whole like a dog)...(His stomach growls)...Ohhh...More food poisoning...burrrrrrrrrnns...

Leif: (Punches Hoaxe in the balls.)

Hoaxe: AIEEE!

Vi: (Grabs Hoaxe's head and starts kneeing him in the face)

Hoaxe: OW!

Kabbu: (Holds up his Smart Sword) My Smart Sword! (Stabs Hoaxe with his Smart Sword)

Hoaxe: NO!

Then Vi, Kabbu, and Hoaxe just pummel Leif all together. Eventually he stops squirming, clearly dead. Vi, Kabbu, and Leif just stand there, looking at Hoaxe's lifeless body.

Then, the balloon shaped like Fry's head inflates to colossal size and carries Hoaxe's lair into the sky, causing the stolen food to start raining all over the land. Meanwhile, the Kirby's Dream Land credits theme but sung by Morshu starts playing.

As the group floats over, Crisbee (Harbanno the Baker) and the Mayor of Defiant Root (Mayor Kravendish) are standing together talking.

Crisbee: My cakes are gone...

Mayor: (To me, the writer) This is inaccurate, you know.

A giant cake lands on the Mayor.

Mayor: Dick.

The group also float over Fry and his shop, causing a pile of bananas to land in right by it.

Fry: (Pokes his head out of the shop) Ooh! Bananas! (Grabs the pile and brings it into his shop)

They also fly over the Mushroom Kingdom, A.K.A. Hallownest, as Tiso (Mario) and Quirrel (Luigi) look up at them.

Tiso: Luigi, look!

A bundle of spaghetti falls from the sky as Quirrel goes "Spaghetti!", landing onto Tiso's face.

Quirrel: For real this time!

Vi, Kabbu, and Leif laugh cheerily as they spread the food back to everywhere it belongs.

Kabbu: I'm so happy! No one will be hungry again!

Vi: Not quite but still! Only good things are happening!

Vi completely ignores how the food they're dropping includes gigantic bagels that fall onto and destroy buildings in New York.

Leif: I cannot wait to see His Majesty's smiling face whe-

Ganon's Lair crashes down onto Hyrule Castle, obliterating it.

Bianca: Oah! How are we okay?

Elizant: (In Mario's voice) Pizza da heck outta me!

Hector: (Raises his arm weakly while on the floor) Oooohhhh...

Vi, Kabbu, and Leif flop out of the lair onto what remains of the floor.

Bianca: You pieces of shit! I-(Sees the food) You saved my dinner!!!

King Harkinian kisses Zelda on the forehead.

Vi: *Laughs*

King Harkinian kisses Link on the forehead.

Kabbu: D'awww!

King Harkinian is about to kiss Gwonam on the forehead.

Leif: Gimme some sugar!

Bianca: Later.

Leif: ( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡° )

Elizant: HEY!

Bianca: Thank you so much! I was about to eat Duke Onkled!

Hector: (Gets up with an arm that was visibly chewed off) It's true! :3

Bianca: Now it's finally time for dinner.

Kabbu: Oh boy! I'm so hungry, I could eat Ganon's head!

Kabbu: (Takes out Ganon's decapitated head) OMNOMNOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMNOM OMNOM OMNOM OMNOMNOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM NOM NOM NOM OM OMNOMNOM NOM OMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMNOM NOMNOM NOM OMNOM OMNOM OMNOMNOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOM OMNOMNOMOMNOMNOM OMNOMNOM OMNOM OMNOM OMNOM OMNOM OMNOMNOMNOM

Bianca: Cool. (Grabs a burrito) Hmmm...I wonder where's the SuS?

Everybody Else: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Kabbu: Ha! Ha! Ha! (A bomb falls out of his pocket) Oops.

[grocerystoredean]

When i was a kid i was constantly doing weird subtle shit to prove my ‘toughness’ because i was transgender and didnt know and also it was really fucking fun. Like for YEARS i had a whole complex like ‘wearing shoes makes u weak’ and i just went barefoot everywhere. E v e r y w h e r e. I would constantly brag about how the skin on my feet was so thick i could stick pins in them and it wouldnt hurt or walk super slow over the blacktop when it was 90f or walk in snow (until it got up past an inch lol i was never able to tough it out that long). And all that was true btw!! It probably didnt help that my shoes were mostly my sisters and pink boots that i wouldnt touch with a ten foot pole. And like?? Now im pissed about that because they were nice ass boots and im very lucky i didnt ever get tetanus. But it was like this really stupid masculinity thing without knowing quite what it was. Every time i wore a dress id climb a tree in it. Like that was a conscious decision on my part. Tbf i was a rather advid tree climber anyway but it was like a Thing. I was scared of spiders, i always liked bugs but ladybugs and those kinds, a lot of em still freaked me out, but i forced myself to start interacting with them because?? Im glad i did tho <3 spiders r rad. My mother was like ‘one day youll find a nice boy like dad and youll marry him’ and i was like ‘hm i guess but i dont wanna wear a dress i want the boy to wear the dress’ ‘i dont think hell wanna do that’ so i asked my dad and he said he probably wouldnt have married my mom if she wanted him to wear the dress which i was very offended by at the time. The hoops id jump through so i could, without suggesting queerness, sort of represent myself??? ‘Guys im not gonna get pregnant ew thats gross. My best friend who im gonna live on a farm with and raise cattle is gonna get pregnant like the virgin mary and well take care of it together :)’ even when i eventually realized that a little girl wasnt ‘supposed to’ think like that i refused to let the two friends who i told call me a lesbian. Which, hey, turns out i was right about that. Anyway. Transgendered ism?? I feel weird thinking about it now. I DONT ACTUALLY HAVE A POINT WITH THIS ONE NOR DO I RLLY JUST?? Idk like. Helping clean chickens because it would make me tough. Keeping a pocket knife on me. So much stupid shit just to ‘prove’ myself even if there was noone else around. I say this like i dont still do it. Thinky thinkyy thinky. Idk bestie i feel like u have stuff to say on this sorta stuff.

Also i stand by the wedding dress thing

no u know what youre right make the boy wear the wedding dress. anyway i was also like that about everything. me and my brother used to hang out w the neighborhood kids who were all boys and i was obsessed with proving i was tougher than them i was so obsessed with being one of the boys i literally would hit them and be like cant call me a girl now you little bitch. i needed to be the most accomplished nerf gun shooter in the subdivision or i would die.

[caroldantops]

Watching CA:tws and thinking bout mommy!nat using her thigh holsters w nerf guns when her and the littles have battles around the house. Kate has her nerf bow and arrows and honey just runs around yelling and shooting wildly w their own lil gun.... Kate gets too excited and hits their forehead, leading to honey (fake) crying and shooting katenat when they go to comfort them. Triumphant smiles from honey who demands extra cookies bc they “beat mommy AND katie!! Deserves a extra treat!”

Anyway. Sorry for the lil rant. Goodnight and lub u silver

-🪶

aaaaAAAAAAA this is so 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

[imagine-darksiders]

I hope you feel better soon! When you're feeling better would you be able to write something about jealous Strife? That ask made me curious

“Do you really have to go?”

From your seat at the vanity, you heave an exasperated sigh and set down your lipstick, swivelling around in the chair to face the Horseman who stands sulking at your bedroom door.

“Strife,” you begin patiently, “I'm afraid my answer still hasn't changed since you asked me ten minutes ago.”

“Yeah, I know. It's just -” Averting his gaze, he crosses his arms and grumbles, “I thought we were gonna hang out tonight.”

“And I told you two weeks ago that I wouldn't be around tonight.”

You can't see his expression, hidden as it is behind the silver helm he wears, but you're fairly confident in guessing that there's a pout on his lips.

“And besides,” you add, “We hang out all the time. You practically live here. Hell, you've already turned my spare bedroom into your own personal den.”

'Den' is an understatement. Your spare room is now less of a bedroom more of an Earth museum, filled from floor to ceiling with all of the things that Strife has picked up simply because they took his fancy. For the most part, it's all junk. There's an obsolete gaming console that no longer works, a skateboard, a horse figurine made of glass, no less than three Nerf guns and not a foam dart between them...

Honestly, you're loathe to tell him to get rid of any of it, though you fear you might have to soon if you don't want the mess spilling out into the rest of your house.

Giving your head an exasperated shake, you check the time on your phone and stand up, throwing your bag over a shoulder. “Listen, it's just one evening with an old friend who I haven't seen since before the apocalypse. We can hang out tomorrow, I promise. But now, I really need to dash, he'll be here to pick me up any minute.”

Pausing to stuff your phone into the pocket of your trousers, you head towards the door, hardly noticing that the Horseman is still standing in front of it with his arms folded neatly across a broad, armoured chest. It's only because you glance up right at the last second that you manage to avoid a painful collision. “Um...Strife?” you ask, halting in your tracks, “... Move?”

In response, he simply leans back against your door and begins to inspect the claws on one of his gauntlets. “Nah... I'd rather hear about this friend of yours. You've never mentioned him.” Pausing, he shoots you a sly smirk that you can sense more than see, his golden eyes flashing, “You guys close?”

With a roll of your eyes, you mimic his posture, crossing your arms and giving him a glare that would make Death proud. “Strife, what's gotten into you? I just said I'm going to be late for my friend.”

“Yeah, I get that,” he returns coolly, “Just wanna know that my friend isn't walking into a trap.”

“Oh wow – a trap? Really? Of all the-” You cut yourself off and raise a hand, massaging at your temple. “Okay. Now you're just being ridiculous. It's not a trap.”

“Why don't you let me come with you, just in case?”

“Because!” you cry, throwing your arms up, “It'll be awkward! You remember what I taught you about third-wheeling?”

He remembers it well, in fact. Just like he remembers everything you teach him, committing the moments to memories that he'll carry with him until the day he snuffs it. He only has you for less than a hundred years, after all, and he's determined to remember every last bit of it. The Universe must have thought itself pretty hilarious when it placed you in his life. Of all the creatures in all the realms, the one he ends up caring about most just so happens to be the one with the shortest lifespan. It makes him want to hunt down the Creator and shoot a hole where a heart might be.

Shoving down his contempt for the omnipotent bastard, Strife returns his attention to you and lifts his shoulders in a shrug. “I don't mind tagging along. You know, just in case I have to watch your back.”

Your response hits him harder than a crack from Fury's whip. “I don't need you to watch my back every second of every day! Stop being so paranoid.”

The Horseman is too proud and obstinate to ever let the stab of hurt show in his eyes, but he can't ignore its presence in his chest.

He is not being paranoid... He's being a good friend - watching your back, looking out for you, all the things a friend is supposed to do. Not that he's had much experience being friends with a human. Or anyone, for that matter, who isn't a horse or his siblings. It's been a learning curve for both of you, though more-so for him, and so far, the most prominent challenge he's faced is balancing the line between being a friend and being an overprotective nuisance.

It perhaps hasn't helped that, ever since humanity was resurrected, the pair of you have been nigh inseparable. He's grown used to your presence – is dependant upon in, according to Death; a fact that Strife had vehemently tried to deny, at least until he learned that you'd made plans. Plans with someone else. Plans that didn't involve him.

It was only once he'd taken some time to reflect and found that he had indeed been glued to your side for months, that he realised the awful truth.

His older brother was right, after all. The smug ass.

A shudder rolls over the Horseman's body and he blinks, realising that in the few seconds he's been lost in thought, you've managed to reach around him to push open your bedroom door.

“Hey!” he complains as you all but shove past, and he – being the soft-touch that he is – simply allows himself to be moved aside. Grumbling, he follows you across the landing and down your sweeping staircase until you reach the front door and stop beside it.

From outside, the thunderous roar of an approaching, automobile's engine thrums in his ears.

“That's him!” you chirp, and Strife hates the way your face lights up at the mention of whoever 'he' is.

Throwing open your door, you head outside and try to pull it shut behind you, yet find your efforts abruptly halted by the Horseman sticking close to your heels. He ducks through the low doorframe and moves to stand beside you, his viciously keen gaze raking over the vehicle that idles at the end of your driveway.

By his own admission, Strife has always had a weakness for those 'motor bikes' the humans like to ride, with their shiny gaskets and noisy engines. But this one – the one upon whom sits a tall, lanky human – Strife does not care for.

“Anton!” you call out, flying down the driveway, splaying your arms out wide in anticipation of a hug.

'Anton' laughs brightly and kicks down the bike's stand as he leaps from the seat, his own arms only just opening in time to receive you when you crash into him with a whoop of delight.

As soon as those long, stringy arms wrap around your shoulders, the Horseman's hackles raise like a feral beast's and the sudden presence of Anarchy begins to claw at the confines of his ribcage. For a few moments, he wrestles with himself, weighing the pros and cons of letting his most primal form take over for a while, but after envisioning the disapproving frown that's sure to adorn your face should he pull such a stunt, he bitterly shoves a reluctant Anarchy back down and settles upon prowling down the gravel drive after you, glaring hard at the stranger the entire way. Admittedly, he is a little surprised at himself for the animosity. On the whole, he's always maintained a good rapport with other humans. He likes the species, a lot. So to suddenly be filled with such a strong disliking for this particular human strikes him as odd and out of character.

Then, Anton's hands slide down to your lower back and another bout of indignant fury flares up in the Horseman's belly. After what he thinks is, quite frankly, an obscene amount of time, the stranger releases you, holding onto your shoulders and leaning back to get a better look at your face.

“God, it's good to see you, Y/n,” he drawls, eyeing you from head to toe in a way that makes the Horseman's skin crawl, “I can't believe it! You've changed so much!”

Grinning shyly up at him, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and reply, “Hopefully for the better?”

His own smile widens. “You were always at your best, even before the apocalypse. Still, being Humanity's Hero seems to be really suiting you, huh?”

At once, your expression falls and you pull a face, extracting yourself from his grasp. “Oh god, don't call me that. I've told the media till I'm blue in the face - the Horsemen are the ones who deserve to be called heroes. Oh, speaking of whom...” You turn to face the looming presence at your side and gesture up to Strife. “I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine.”

Anton's gaze leaves you long enough to flick over towards the Horseman and you watch as he does a very comical double-take, his eyes bulging for a moment before he manages to compose himself again and lifts his hand in greeting. “Hey! You must be one of those Horseman guys. Death, right?”

Noticing that the Nephilim's hands curl suddenly into tight fists, you interject, “Uh, actually, this is Strife, Tones.”

“Tones?” He really does try to keep the disdain from his voice when he switches his burning, golden glare between you and the other human. “I thought you said his name was Anton?”

How many other friends do you have?

“It's a nickname, Strife,” you reassure him quickly, “This is Anton.”

A nickname... Of course. The Horseman's stomach twists itself into a knot and he can't stop himself from blurting out, “How come you've never given me a nickname?”

The human concept surrounding abbreviated names was a fairly easy one for him to grasp when he first learned of them. They're terms of endearment, meant to signify familiarity and friendship.

He's your friend. He's familiar. Why doesn't he have a nickname too?

"Ugh, I'm sorry. We'll brainstorm nicknames when I get back," you huff, "But the restaurant will give our table away if we don't hurry. So -"

Turning to usher Anton onto the bike, you hardly manage to take one step before a large, metal hand is sliding around your forearm and tugging you gently to a halt. Biting back a groan, you glance over your shoulder, ready to scold him, but one look at his slouched stance and averted gaze stops you in your tracks.

"Uh. Hey, Tones?" you call, never taking your eyes off the Horseman's mask, "Can you give us a sec?"

The human behind you is careful to check that Strife isn't looking when he rolls his eyes and grunts in acknowledgement before he turns and saunters over to his bike, leaning up against it and pulling out his phone.

Once Anton has turned his attention elsewhere, you raise a brow at the Horseman and wait, patient, expectant. After working his jaw for a moment or two, he finally looks at you properly and tightens his grip on your arm, not until it's painful, but enough that you understand what he's trying to convey in the gesture.

He really doesn't want you to go.

"Strife?" you prod.

Reluctantly, he lets out a rough exhale.

Although he's far better at it than his siblings, watching Strife try to openly express emotion isn't unlike watching someone pull their own teeth out with a pair of pliers. The process is slow, and it's best to sit back and listen to him rather than try to encourage him to speak. So, that's what you do, and eventually, your patience is rewarded when after another few seconds of silence, he offers a strained chuckle and says, "This guy isn't my replacement, is he? I know the bike is cool, and all, but..."

"Your replacement?" you laugh, incredulous, "Strife. I don't know how it worked with Nephilim, but for humans, having another friend doesn't cancel out any existing ones."

He knows that. He's not some whelp who never learned how to share. Frustrated with himself, the Horseman huffs and turns his head to the side, glaring hard at nothing in particular.

"Hey..." An old habit kicks in, and before you can stop yourself, you reach up to trace your fingertips along the underside of Strife's helm, tipping it back towards you and smiling at the bewildered look in his yellow eyes. Confident that he's paying proper attention, you pull your hand away again and state, "I could search the whole universe from top to bottom for the next hundred, thousand years, and I'd never find a friend who could replace you, okay? So stop worrying. Your ranking as 'my best friend' is not under threat."

"M'not worrying," he grumbles, but inside, his heart is aglow with the warmth of your words. At the back of his mind, Anarchy rumbles happily. You said best!... He's your best friend? He tries to recall you ever calling him that before. Then he realises that, no, you can't have done. He wouldn't forget a moment like that. Not in a million years. Just like he won't forget how he feels right now after hearing those two words.

Oblivious to the fate you've just sealed for yourself, you clap your hands together, bringing the conversation to what you hope is an easy conclusion. "Good. In that case, will you please let me go with Anton now?"

The Horseman's mood sours almost immediately, but at least he peels his fingers off your arm.

"Hey, kid?" he address Anton, packing his voice with all the menace and threat that he can muster, "If I find out she gets hurt on your watch, I'll introduce you to a couple'a friends of mine..." His hands fall less-than subtly to his holsters, where the silver handles of Mercy and Redemption glint in the sunlight.

Anton's face pales upon seeing the Horseman's legendary pistols.

"Stop that," you scold him, smacking the back of your hand against the armoured chest plate before turning to your other friend and calling, "Come on, Tones, let's go."

Anton all but throws himself onto his bike, kicking the stand back and jamming his keys into the ignition whilst you climb on behind him, albeit far more gracefully. The man tosses you a helmet and you shove it onto your head.

Strife's eyes remain settled upon your hands that wrap snugly around Anton's waist and it takes everything in him not to grab you, haul you off the bike, drag you back to your home and lock you inside.

“I'll be back late tonight,” you call over the roar of the engine as you begin to pull away, “There's food in the fridge if you want to eat! And my Netflix is still logged in! I'll see you later, okay!?”

Strife doesn't respond, not because he can't think of what to say, but because there would be no point. Anton has already peeled away and pushed the bike to a reckless speed. All the Horseman can do is stand there at the end of your driveway, his shoulders drooping dejectedly.

After you're nothing more than a dot on the far horizon, he tears his eyes off you and lets them fall to the tarmac near his boots.

He never notices you looking back.

[kodzuskook]

house | jeff wittek

description: jeff’s plans to buy a house for the two of you fall short and he gets stressed out and releases that pent up frustration on you.

requested?: yes [anonymous “could you write an angsty jeff imagine where he’s had a stressful day and he takes it out on you and makes you cry, love your writings 🥰🥰”]

the sound of keys rustling rang through the small apartment. you sighed as you leaned your head back against your chair, jeff was home. the door opened and jeff’s heavy footsteps soon replaced the sound of the keys. the door slammed shut causing your headache to heighten. you let out a light groan and rubbed your hands across your face as you sat up and made your way down the hall.

“hey, babe!” you smiled as you made your way down the stairs, “how was it with the boys?”

jeff let out a heavy breath, “shit.”

a frown made its way to your face at the sound of his voice. cold and blunt. the air seemed to get a little tense around the two of you as jeff turned and put his keys away.

you pulled a small smile onto your face as you tried to make a joke and lighten the mood, “what’s worse than getting shot near your dick three times in a row by a paintball gun?” you referenced the night before.

the two of you had decided to go to david’s house but what you hadn’t realized was that jeff and david had sealed another deal for jeff to get shot.

jeff threw his jacket to the side, his movements strict. he frowned, “goddamnit, y/n, a lot of fuckin’ things are worse than gettin’ shot by a paintball gun.“

your little grin quickly flipped back down to a frown as you took in his words. you tilted your head, “what the fuck?”

jeff said nothing, letting out a few incoherent mumbles under his breath.

your frown deepened, “jeff, what’s wrong?”

the tall man brought his hands to his face, letting out a deep sigh as he turned to face you, “jesus fuck, y/n! you gotta get your nosy ass out of my fuckin’ business for once.”

you took a step back, shocked at his words. jeff had never acted this way before.

jeff made his way to the couch and sat down, his shoes leaving behind slight dust marks on the dark rug that you two had laid out earlier in the year.

“no, please do make your way across our freshly cleaned dark carpet with your dirty shoes just after yelling at me. it doesn’t matter.” a snarky remark left your mouth.

jeff rolled his eyes, “then stop acting like a little bitch.”

you let out a slightly audible gasp, “what the fuck has gotten into you today, jeff?”

jeff was shaking his leg. up. down. up. down. up. down. a clear indication of built up stress.

you tried not to let his words affect you as you focused on his anxious ticks, “why are you so stressed out?”

jeff threw his hat to the side, his fingers instantly weaving through his hair, “don’t worry ‘bout it.”

you made your way closer to him, “no, jeff, tell me. what’s wrong?”

jeff’s eyes shot open, his posture suddenly becoming rigid, “jesus fuckin’ christ, y/n. can you not just mind your own business for one goddamn night? maybe i don’t wanna fuckin’ talk about it, did you think of that?”

your eyes became watery at the harsh tone, “i’m sorry for caring about my boyfriend’s wellbeing.”

jeff rolled his eyes, “suffocating, more like it. there’s a limit to caring.”

a tear involuntary slipped out of your eye. you let out a shaky breath, turning away from the man sitting on the couch. you made your way to the kitchen, closing your eyes as you gripped the cold counter.

jeff sat on the couch, staring blankly at the black screen of the tv in front of him. he felt detached from his surrounding as his mind swarmed with moments from the whole day.

jeff let out a deep breath, his ears catching the quiet sniffles coming from kitchen. the man felt his heart drop. he finally became fully aware of what had just happened moments ago. he yelled at you. he hurt you. he made you cry.

he let out a string of colourful words escape his mouth as he cursed his idiocy. jeff got up and made his way to the kitchen, where he found you sitting against a cabinet, silently crying. his heart broke at the sight.

jeff made his way to where you were sitting and slowly sat down. he stayed quiet for a minute, you felt his presence next to you.

“i’m sorry.” jeff’s voice was quiet and cracked halfway through his apology. you wiped your eyes and rested your cheek on your knee, facing jeff.

said man kept his eyes trained on the ground, “my day was really shitty and stressful and i guess i just took all that frustration and threw it at you. you didn’t deserve it. i’m sorry.”

you sniffled, looking away from the man, “what you said to me hurt, jeff. you called me a lot of things.”

jeff messed with his hair, tugging at the ends in slight frustration, “i know and i didn’t mean it. i was just angry at everything from earlier and i needed to let it out and in turn, i lashed out on you. i didn’t mean anythin’ that i called you.”

you fiddled with your fingers, “what happened earlier?”

jeff took a moment to think of his words, “i lied to you.”

you looked at the man in confusion and slight hurt, “what?”

“i lied. i told you i was going to david’s,” he shrugged, “i went to meet with a real estate agent at this new house.”

you furrowed your brows, “why?”

jeff let out a light chuckle, “i wanted to buy us a house.”

you looked at the man in awe, “what?” you repeated for a second time.

jeff shook his head, letting out another humourless laugh, “i was gonna buy us a house so we could finally move in together. the lady ended up fuckin’ me over though; callin’ me later and telling me the house had been sold even though i told her to keep it to the side.”

then he sighed, “that wasn’t even the worst thing.” he slumped in his seat, “some kid decided to key my car and then david decided to play a fuckin’ prank on me when i got to his house and then things kept pilin’ on ‘cause of the house that i didn’t end up buying.”

you shook your head, “enh, the house thing still sounds like the worst thing that happened today.”

jeff let out a light chuckle, “guess so.”

you sat up, turning to the man who you had been dating for two years now, “so, you had a bad day,” you shrugged, hoping jeff didn’t notice the song reference you accidentally made, “doesn’t give you the right to yell at me and make me feel like i did wrong.”

jeff sighed, “i know. i’m sorry.”

you reached over and pulled his chin up, “chin up, princess. your tiara is falling.”

he swatted your hands and you smiled, “it’s okay, jeff. just don’t do it again. or else i’m cutting your dick off and feeding it to nerf.”

as if he was waiting for that sentence, the french bulldog entered the kitchen, snuggling up against your body.

jeff watched as his dog made himself comfy against you, “i wouldn’t dream of it.”

you smiled, your hands petting the dog laying in your lap, “tell me about the house.”

[shhh-no-ones-home]

sharp shooter aj stortz x reader

+++++++++ Request from @ryansitkowskiswifey "the reader being depressed and AJ and the guys try to cheer them up?"

ive never written a full thing for aj before so i hope its actually good lol, enjoy none the less, and thanks for requesting

Song: who ya talking to man? By nostalghia

tag list: @thisplace-ishaunted @alilpunkrock @theoneandonlykymberlee @cynic-spirit @svintsandghosts +++++++++

I looked up from my phone when a random nerf dart came my way, hitting me square in the forehead. I was a little dazed at first, not quite sure what had happened. Then Ricky ran up and snatched it off the table in front of me.

"Sorry bout that y/n. Guess I need to work on my aim."

He sent me a smile before loading the dart back into the plastic gun and running off.

"Okay?"

I said quietly, looking back down at my phone.

"thanks for the cover."

i jolted upright, holding my chest in surprise as aj came out from around the wall behind me. i breathed heavily, looking up at him.

"what the hell aj!"

he looked around for a second before shrugging.

"what?"

i sent him a look.

"you scared the shit out of me."

he looked a little confused.

"what do you mean? i literally told you i was gonna hide there like five minutes ago."

now i was confused, i definitely didn't remember that.

"what are you talking about? i had no idea you were even in here."

he dropped the hand that was holding the toy gun and scratched his head.

"i could have swore i told you i was coming in here. why the hell else would ricky have been shooting in this direction?"

i shrugged and looked back down at my phone.

"beats me, but you did not tell me you were there."

"HA!"

chris yelled, pulling my attention back up long enough to see him nail aj square in the chest with one of the nerf darts, making his plastic chest plate light up. aj threw his hands in the air.

"aw man! come on!"

chris just laughed some more.

"i hit you, you have to go back to base for five minutes."

aj just rolled his eyes and trudged towards the bathroom, where they had established his teams base. chris smiled down at me.

"you sure you dont wanna play? youre an excellent shot."

I shook my head.

"No that's okay. I'm busy."

He frowned at me.

"Okay, but if you change your mind we have extra guns."

Then aj ran in and shot Chris.

"That was not five minutes!"

Aj stuck his tongue out.

"Was too!"

Chris sent him a glare before rolling his eyes and walking in the other direction towards his own base. Aj just laughed. He looked down at me.

"Was I hearing you agreeing to playing?"

He nudged my arm and I sent him a look.

"Why do you all want me to play so badly?"

He tried to sit, forcing me to scoot over on the bench.

"We just want to include you. It's kinda hard to have fun when you know there's someone sitting by themselves somewhere having a shitty time. Even if you do tell us you aren't."

I looked down at the table a little ashamed. He was right. I had been sort of a party pooper the whole time I had been with them. I just didn't feel good enough to play. Who the hell wants to play with a downer like me anyways? He nudged my arm again.

"It really would mean the world to us if you'd play. Like Chris said, you're an amazing shot and either team would be lucky to have you."

I looked up at him and offered him a small smile in exchange for his kind words. They really did want me join. I nodded.

"Fine. I'll play."

"Hell yeah!"

Ricky called, making me jump again. I sent him a look.

"Are you all trying to kill me?"

"Maybe."

Ryan said, walking in too. I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"Have you all just been waiting for me to play?"

Then Vinny came in with the extra target plate and another gun, setting them on the table.

"Maybe."

He said, winking at me. Then Chris came in, looking around a little confused.

"What's going on?"

"Y/n decided to play."

Justin said, coming out from behind the wall. I sent him a look too, being just as shocked as before.

"Jesus."

He smiled at me.

"No, Justin."

They all kind of laughed and I rolled my eyes at them.

"I'm glad you changed your mind. You can be on our team."

Chris said, nudging Ricky and pointing at vin. Then I looked over at aj who frowned.

"Hey no fair, why cant Ryan, Justin and I have them?"

I laughed a little bit.

"How about I be my own team? You said I was a great shot so clearly I wouldn't need the help."

They all looked around at each other like they definitely didn't want to do that. I sighed.

"Okay how about I throw a wrench in all of your guy's teams. Justin and Chris, me and aj, and then Ricky Ryan and Vinny."

They all looked around and shrugged.

"Okay."

They all agreed.

"Bases need to be reassigned. We'll take the back room."

Justin said, pointing at Chris. We all nodded.

"We can stick with the bathroom."

I said looking from aj to the rest of the guys. They all nodded.

"We'll take the front room."

Ricky said as aj let me up to put my chest plate on.

"Sounds like a plan."

We all stood in a circle with our hands in, breaking off to our bases after we did the hands in the air 'team' thing. I stood in the bathroom with AJ for a second to restart the game.

"How about this, we go off one at a time so we both don't get shot at the same time. Then we-"

Aj placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Y/n we just need to not get shot. Don't think about strategy think about having fun."

I blushed and let out a nervous laugh.

"Right, sorry."

He sent me a reassuring smile.

"It's alright, now let's go kick some nerf butt."

°°°°°°°°°

I laughed loudly as I ran from Ricky, turning to try to shoot him as he chased me.

"I'll get that plate I swear!"

He yelled laughing through heavy breaths. I turned to fall into the couch, gun pointed up at him.

"Never in a million years."

I shit him square in the chest as he for closer to me, him pausing and sighing in defeat as his chest plate lit up.

"Shit!"

He said, making me laugh as I laid on the couch out of breath. Then aj jogged towards us from the other room. When he saw Ricky standing there pouting he laughed a little bit, slapping his back.

"Aw don't be bitter Rick, my partners just better than yours."

Ricky sent him a glare before shaking his head and cracking a smile.

"Y'all have five minutes."

He pointed between us as a warning before going back to his base. Aj offered a hand to help me off the couch and nudged my arm once I was standing.

"That was a nice shot y/n. Who we getting next?"

I thought for a second before hearing the floor creak. My head snapped in that direction and i pointed my gun up.

"Chris evidently."

I said, pulling the trigger as he came around the corner. His dart hit aj right as mine hit him. I laughed at them as they both looked down at their chest plates.

"No fair."

They both said at the same time, looking back up. I just tried to cover my mouth to suppress my giggles.

"Sorry guys, guess it's bases for both of you."

Then Justin came around the corner.

"What happened? We were doing so good."

He pouted at Chris.

"You guys wanna play something else?"

Vinny said coming out from behind the couch. I sent him a look like he was crazy.

"Why the hell were you back there?"

He just shrugged.

"I was hiding. I heard you and Ricky coming and didn't wanna get shot."

I shook my head.

"So are we playing a different game or?"

They all looked around at each other and kind of shrugged.

"As long as you're up for it."

Aj said, looking back at me. I shrugged too.

"I guess."

He half smiled.

"So you're feeling better now?"

I smiled and nodded.

"Much, thanks guys."

They all smiled back at me.

"Glad we could help."

Aj said, giving me a side hug.

"I'll go get Ricky and Ryan and we can start something new."

Vin said. I watched him walk off as the other guys took off their chest plates.

"So, what are we playing?"

[incorrectsmashbrosquotes]

Bond Between People & Pokemon Pt.7

Ganondorf: Gah! Those two imbeciles could have ruined all my plans to defeat the heroes. It makes me so mad thinking about it! Gah! You know what Ganon? Calm down just sit back and listen to the most pleasant sounds of Bruno Mars.

Ganondorf put on 24K Magic and started singing along to the music.

Hades: Bro boss!

Ganondorf, hiding the speaker: Not now!

Hades: You listen to Bruno Mars to!? I knew it! Sephiroth owes me twenty pounds now, hehe.

Ganondorf: Hades what do you want!? Can’t you see I’m busy scheming!?

Hades: Well I mean nothing seems to be working that much but, just thought I’d let you know the prisoners have escaped.

Ganondorf: WHAT!?

Hades: Jeez. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Your breath is awful!

Ganondorf: You’re lucky I like you and that I can’t technically kill you.

Hades: And that we’re bros?

Ganondorf: (sighs)

Hades: You didn’t say no. Oh and also the heroes are coming.

Ganondorf: WHAT!? (Pushes Hades out the way)

Hades: Hey! You’re fricken lucky my powers have been nerfed so they are on par with yours. Feels boring being the same as you I preferred being the stronger one…Annnd he’s gone. Great….Wait for me!

Ganondorf was making his way to the window to see the heroes all marching towards the main entrance of the villains hideout.

Samus, on a megaphone: Give back what you stole from us you sissies!

Ganondorf: Sorry but they aren’t here goodbye.

Samus: Alright then fucker we’re sending in…Everyone…Everyone is Here right?

Doomguy: I think so.

Samus: Yeah we’re all coming in! (Sticks her middle finger up)

Ganondorf: Ok good luck. (Closes window) Idiots. As if they can break through these walls.

Doomguy: HOW DARE U KIDNAP MY KID!!! B.F.G.!

Ganondorf: Wait…Big…Friendly…Giant, since when was he in Smash!?

Hades shrugged.

Doomguy: No! BIG FUCKING GUN!!

Doomguy fired his B.F.G. through the entrance to the league’s hideout.

Ganondorf: Sweet Nayru! All villains guard the entrance immediately.

Nightmare: Finally time for some action!

Dark Link: Hell yeah!

Samus: Alright. Now…I guess we fight!

Doomguy: Fine by me!

_____

Ganondorf: All villains guard the entrance immediately!

Bonny Janet: Wonder wha’ tha’s all about.

Incineroar: Who cares!? We’ve been running through this dungeon for what seems like hours! Where’s the exit at!? Also, how the hell are you not tired from carrying me?

Bonny Janet: No idea. Huh? (She stopped)

Incineroar: Wait are you tired now! (Gets off her back)

Bonny Janet: No! Aye can hear somethin’. Sounds lake hummin’.

???: Huh? Hey I know that Scottish accent from anywhere.

King Dedede: Bonny!

Incineroar: Dedede!

King Dedede: And Tony the Tiger!

Incineroar: It’s Incineroar…

King Dedede: Oh, sorry bout dat pussy cat. What’re ya’ll even doin’ here?

Incineroar: That’s a very long story.

Bonny Janet: ‘E became a bad guy.

Incineroar: For like half a day thanks to you! And I thank you for that.

King Dedede: Since when are you two so nice?

Incineroar: Long story again.

King Dedede: Huh…Neat. Now do ya think that by any chance either o’ you could free me from here?

Incineroar: Sure thing. Kid hit me again.

Bonny Janet: Kay but no complainin’ a'ight.

Ridley, grabbing her arm: Not so fast kid!

Bonny Janet: What the!? 'Ow the hell’d yer sneak oop behind me ey?

King K.Rool: We’re masters of stealth. Now we can’t have you bustin’ out King Fatass over there but I know damn well we’re not gonna simply let you leave.

Ridley: Or live!

Incineroar: I’ve already beat both your asses once I’ll do it again.

Bonny Janet: Wait!? Wha’ tape are they?

Incineroar: They aren’t Pokémon that’s not gonna wo-

Pokédex: Ridley. The Space Dragon Pokémon.

Incineroar: Sorry what!?

Pokédex: Ridley is a ruthless killing machine it’s Dragon/Dark Typing surely is proven. He uses the barbed spike on his tail to pierce through his enemies. And shoots hot plasma from his mouth.

Ridley: …Since when am I a Pokémon?

Pokédex: King K.Rool.

King K.Rool: Now it’s my turn! I’m actually excited!

Pokédex: The Pirate Croc Pokémon. King K.Rool is a Ground/Steel type with his golden stomach he can block most attacks but too many will eventually cause it to break. He also uses an assortment of weapons and tools to aid him in battle.

King K.Rool: All of that is true.

Pokédex: King K.Rool is also a fat ass.

King K.Rool: What!?

King Dedede: Hah! Now it’s all correct!

King K.Rool: GRAH! You’ll pay for that you little ingrate!

K.Rool charged at Bonny Janet only to be faced Incineroar.

Incineroar: Cross Chop should be Super-Effective then. So I guess I’ll do THAT! (Attacks)

King K.Rool’s belly broke immediately knocking him unconscious immediately after.

Ridley: Really!? K.Rool get up now!

King K.Rool: One banana, two banana, three banana, ooh another banana.

King Dedede: How I wish I could record this.

Ridley: GAH! Enough games! Time to kill you all! I’ll make sure you never walk away from here! DIE!

Ridley stabbed his tail through Incineroar’s back whilst he was distracted from fighting K.Rool.

Incineroar, gasping for life: Ch-Cheap move. (Falls to the floor)

Bonny Janet: INCINEROAR!

King Dedede: Oh no!

Ridley: I did warn you!

Bonny Janet: … …Yer…YER DIRTY FOOKIN’ ASS BASSE! WHAY WOULD YA PULL SOME CHEAP CRAP LAKE THA’ AY?! ANSWER ME!

Ridley: Like your lousy device said.

Ridley wrapped his tail around her then pulled her close.

Ridley: I’m ruthless.

To Be Continued…

[thatssonanii]

Video

Family Ties

Carlito was spending a couple of days with Eli and Milo so Haleigh could do some work while Ardian had boot camp and to give them some relaxation time. The couple had decided to stay in for the night since Ardian was a little sore and tired.

Ardian sat on the sofa flipping through channels trying to find something to watch while Haleigh answered text messages.

"What time are we leaving in the morning, Ardi?" She asked ready to set her alarm.

Ardian scratched his head with his free hand, still flipping channels. "Like ten so we can get food, I don't have to be there till noon. The littles are doin boot camp before us tomorrow."

She nodded setting her alarm then put her phone on the coffee table. Ardian pulled her close to him and wrapped an arm around her.

"I wonder what Lito doin," Ardian mumbled.

Haleigh laughed. "Last I heard him and Eli were having a nerf gun fight. He'll probably be sleep in a lil while, Milo said he didn't take a nap today."

"He miss us?"

"Of course he does but it's like when he goes to our parents' houses, he doesn't have rules so he's enjoying everything."

Haleigh rolled her eyes watching Ardian flip through the same channels for the third time. She got up to her her laptop and hdmi cord from the bedroom then when back to the living room. Without saying a word to him, Haleigh connected her laptop to the television then sat on the floor with her laptop in her lap facing away from Ardian.

She looked up at him through her lashes, smiling. "You trust me, baby?"

"Of course," he answers without a thought.

"Good. Toss the remote then close your eyes. And no peeking."

Ardian did what she asked, leaning his head back on the sofa. A few moments later he felt Haleigh sit back down next to him. She sat her laptop beside her then turned to the input channel that showed the screen of her laptop.

"Okay," she giggled, "Open your eyes."

Slowly, Ardian sat up, he looked right at Haleigh then the television with his brows rose. A low chuckle escaped his lips.

"What is that, Haleigh?"

"You know exactly what it is," she laughed. "There's nothing on tv and Bug's not here so this is the perfect time."

Again, Ardian chuckled. He was slightly uncomfortable but because it was Haleigh he couldn't help but laugh.

"Watch it together?" He asked screwing his face up.

"I mean, yeah," she laughed. "I watch it and I know you watch it. I went through your history a few days ago and we seem to like the same things."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it'll be fun, Ardi."

Haleigh didn't give him time to respond before she started the flick. She moved closer to Ardian, cuddling into his side and put her legs in his lap. Immediately a curvy, ebony woman came into view walking through a house in tiny denim shorts, a thin, white, spaghetti strap shirt and pumps.

"She has nice legs," Haleigh said nodding.

Ardian looked down at his girlfriend and laughed. "Can I agree? Or is that gonna start a argument?"

She hit his chest playfully. "You can agree or disagree. It's just porn, Ardian."

"Right," he nodded, "Her legs are okay, I guess. She does have ass though."

"Yeah," Haleigh asked lifting up to look at him. "I wonder if its the shorts or if she actually has one."

The woman meets a mocha colored, built man in the bedroom. He's dressed in only basketball shorts. They exchange a few words before the woman is pulled into a kiss.

Haleigh wrapped her arms around Ardian, starting to focus mote on the flick.

"How is his dick already that hard?" She wondered out loud.

"You really askin that? You've seen how quickly it happens for me."

"Yeah but that's different. Anything I do makes your dick hard, Ardian. They don't know each other."

Ardian shrugged choosing not to answer. The woman was undressed and her knees as quick as she'd walled through the house making the couple laugh.

"Babygirl didn't waste time," Ardian laughed. "She got right to it."

Haleigh giggled, her eyes still on the screen. She could feel him starting to rise under her legs.

"She's not even gaggin. And I know if I gag, she should be."

"You don't gag much though."

She laughed and threw her hand up. "I know but still. I still can't swallow your dick in one go. She did that like she sipping juice or something."

The man pulled the woman up off her knees then threw her on the bed. Her breasts bounced along with her body.

Haleigh pouted a little. "Do my boobs do that?"

"Yeah, they do. I show you later."

Now on all fours, the woman arched her back with her face buried in the comforter. The man bent a bit to get behind her, eating her out from behind. Haleigh squeezed Ardian a little tighter making him look down at her.

"You like that?" He asked chuckling.

She shrugged, smiling. "How'd you know?"

"You're squeezin me and your squeezin your legs together."

He rubbed his hand up and down her thigh going back to focusing on the flick. The woman was moaning loudly and the man hadn't penetrated her yet. The man ate her until her body shook an she started to move away. He sat up so he could turn her over, grinning and talking shit to her as he lined himself up with her entrance.

"You know," Haleigh started, "I've watched a good bit of these and I've never seen them use condoms. They just go for it."

"That's they business, Hae. That's ain't the point of this."

"That Boston accent came out," Haleigh laughed.

Ardian laughed leaning his head back for a second. "Girl, be quiet and focus."

Haleigh started to squirm a bit in her seat as the flick progressed. Intentionally, she rubbed her leg against his dick. Ardian continued to rub her thighs.

"She is loud."

"You and her bout the same."

Haleigh sat up laughing, "I am not that loud, Ardi."

"Yeah, you are. Trust me."

"I'm quiet."

"Yeah, you're quiet," he agreed. "The first few minutes."

The couple laughed, going back to watching the screen one their laughter died down. The woman's ankles were close to her ears as the man pumped into her at a fast pace. The woman was clearly orgasming, they could tell from how her body shook and her screams.

Haleigh reached up to Ardian's face, turning it towards her. She stared at him for a second before kissing him hard. She pushed her tongue into his mouth as she moved herself into his lap, sitting on his thigh. They broke their kiss, Haleigh kissed the side of his face and down to his neck. His hands on her hips, he pulled her against him.

"Hae," he whispered. She hummed an answer, focused on leaving her mark. "Come. Lets go to the room."

"Baby," she whined into his neck.

Ardian chuckled and popped her butt. "Now," he demanded. "No whining, baby girl."

Haleigh got up, pouting. Her outing turned into a giggled when she looked at the wet spot on his shorts.

"Look at the mess you made," he smirked.

"Sorry, baby." She spoke softly.

"Go on to the room. I cut all this off and meet you there, Hae."

She leaned down to kiss him one more time. "Yes, sir."

Ardian swatted her butt as she passed him. "Be nekkid when I get there, too."

Haleigh giggled at him as she went to their bedroom and did as he said.

"Lord, please help us control ourselves," Ardian prayed quietly before entering their bedroom.

[eggs2bictches]

Headcannons

Bout time I do some of these Max- One of the few camps this Boi actually cared about was knitting camp, I mean you would want to know how to knit too if you had a bear to maintain. Nikki-I have a weird Headcannon that her name is like Nicole and she was the most bad ass girl at Flower scouts and she just got kicked out because Sasha wanted to be the most bad ass or something. David- When he's tired(I BELIVE HE HAS THE ABILITY TO BE TIRED NO ONE IS PERFECT NOT EVEN THIS BEAN) he acts almost as sarcastic as Max but he still won't cuss. He'll just stay stuff like Hooey(I love this word) Gwen- She has a Wattpad,Tumblr, Fanfiction.com and Ao3 account. Harrison-He practiced on a stuffed Rabbit named Trix (like The cereal and magic tricks) before using stuff like doves or life Ered- she shops in hot topic like allllll the time Nerris- Nerris freaking loves Adventure zone and dedicated as much time as possible to just listening to it. Dolph- He doesn't know who the fuck Hitler is. Preston- He only listens to Musicals.Fuck off with your normal music. Space kid- He will be like the best astronaut in all of existence Nurf-He owns every Nerf gun in existence even the Rebelle ones Neil-He is that one friend that you can't watch cartoons with he will rant about anything that breaks the laws of nature Jasper-He has used the word homeslice before Daniel-He now has a phobia of kool-aid it's the only thing that gives negative emotions that doesn't come from space. Jen- Shes like fucking dead or something idk Cameron Campbell- He has killed like atleast 3 people QM:He has killed alot more than. 3 People Erin- She likes the Heather's musical and hums shine a light alot...... Shine a light (reprise) that is. Sasha- She has thrown up from drinking to much Starbucks while trying to prove to Erin that there is no such thing as too much Starbucks Tabii:She has her parents legally change her name to Tabi. (Well that's all folks....Sorry about not doing the woodscouts I just don't have any for them)

[writing-in-riverdale]

dating archie andrews | would includes

headcanon

written by: rosie, gaby, kelly & maddy

anonymous said: dating archie would include!

- archie’s main thing to write music about is you

- he would teach you how to play guitar

-”babe, can i teach you guitar?”

- ”babyyy, my fingers hurt.”

- “well, i’m sorry your fingers are short.”

- he’s always is down for midnight trips to pops

- knowing each others orders off by heart

- fighting him to foot the bill

- “i can pay archibald!”

- “can’t i treat my princess?”

- going to the annual fair with him in town

- archie trying to impress you and the gang by attempting to go on the ferris wheel

- you all knew that he was petrified of heights, so as you were at the top the poor boy was about to pass out

- you slipped your hand into his and gave it a big squeeze for comfort

- jughead had teased him about that for weeks and weeks

-“do you remember that time archie went on the ferris wheel and-”

- “jug leave him be”

- you became closer with jughead

- he’d always keep an eye out for you when archie wasn’t around.

-babe im gonna be at practice tonight, can you take vegas for a walk?

sometimes you even went down and watch

- you and vegas would sit in the stand and cheer on the boys

- archie would jog over to his two girls and give you both kisses

- you’d be a river vixen of course

- piggyback rides after practice because your legs ache

- laughing at each others dumb jokes

- car rides with loud music

- purposely singly off key

- the windows were down the wind blowing in your hair

- him being very proud of you

- and spending every moment he could stealing glances at you

- archie being extremely protective of you

- he had reggie and moose look out for her whenever he couldn’t be around

- they were like brothers to you

- watching him work at the construction site

- “ damn archibald you really work that wheelbarrow”

- warm hugs

- you were just shorter than him so when you hugged you could feel his heart race whenever you hugged.

- soft kisses along the jaw line

- deep and intellectual conversations during the early hours of the morning

- archie talking constantly about marriage and children

- him constantly teasing you about knowing all of the songs to the movie grease

-it actually isn’t an insult, you found it more to be a compliment

- helpless without you, love has flown all alone.

- y/n, shut up

- you poking his cheeks when calling his attention

- because he was constantly on his guitar or on his playstation

- nibbling on his ears to finally gain his attention

- him playing with your hair while you lay on his chest 

- he’d sing you songs to put you to sleep when you stay at his house

- “have i ever told you that you have the voice of an angel”

- “no but you have told me i have a body of a god”

- his dad loving you 

- he’d always ask you over for dinner

- whether it was pizzas or take away you’d always help him out in the kitchen

- archie’s mum not liking you at all because she thinks that you’re using him

- getting super emotional over his mum and her opinion of you

-“babe, i love you but she doesn’t have to”

- “i want her to though, arch.”

- meeting his mum and making it your mission to prove her wrong

- because you love him

- surprise hugs from behind, side and running hugs

- let’s face it he was always hugging you

- when you sleep archie has to be touching a part f your body

- just so he knew that you were laying there safe next to him.

- he’d let you wear his clothes

- especially on game days

- you’d wear his jersey to school

- to show that you support archie

- plus he loved showing you off at school

- not to even mention the way he loved to see you in any of his clothes

- especially in nothing but one of his baggy t’s and a messy bun.

- running your fingers through his hair

- in return he’d do the same for you

- especially when you’re stressed

- you helped him study alot

- even when he didn’t think he needed it

- or didn’t want it

- “how ‘bout we put this calculus away and do something a little more fun-”

-trying to start a makeout session

- “ uh-huh andrews we need to get this done”

- you’d work at pops

- he’d bring you flowers

- and sit with you on your break and feed you french fries

- “okay my breaks up i gotta go”

- “baby pleaseeee stay”

- clingy archie

- whenever you weren’t together he’d always text you funny things or what he was doing at that exact second

- just took the trash out

- i just stubbed my toe SO bad

-we’re having chinese for dinner

-just finished eating and im still hungry

- dating archie meant the gang was all up in your business

- “so.. y/n is archie good in bed?”

- “kevin please”

- “sorry i was just asking.. but seriously-”

- “kevin!”

- compliment central

- breakfast at the andrews

- wearing his varsity jacket all the time

- “baby where’s my- .. is that my jacket”

- “maybe”

- smirks

- constant banter

- and pranks

- you practically lived at archie’s so that meant prank central

- he’d always hide and jump out and scare you

- “archie fucking andrews!!!”

- when jughead moves in they’d team up

-nerf gun fights

- and in the summer water gun fights

- ended up with you and archie making out

- “if you guys are going to have sex id rather not be in the room”

- double dates with betty and jughead

- since the drive in is closed the four of you would camp out in the coopers living room and watch movies all night

- cuddled up to eachother

- being super close with betty

- learning all the words to archie’s songs

- whenever he played them you’d dance around the room

- and you should see the smile on his face when you do

- you’d sit front row at the jubilee

- singing along and looking at him in admiration

- all the girls at school were jealous of you

- archie’s a hickie monster

- he was no match for your concealer

- constant pda

- especially over social media

- archie’s instagram would be dedicated to you

- filled with endless amount of photos of you posing against beautiful back drops

- “archieee.. stopppp”

- covering your face from his constant camera in your face

- but he’d shower you with compliments

- which would turn you into a blushing mess

- cute nicknames.

- always shows up at your door with flowers and chocolates

- and he’d always go to betty and veronica for advice

- singing to you in the pouring rain

- confessing his undying love for you

tag list: @hauntedcherryblossombanana-blog @sadbreakfastclb @jugandbettsdetectiveagency @kindfloweroflove @fragilefrances @mydelightfulcollectiontyphoon @onceuponagladerhead @natalieroseg @mhysaofdrxgons @hiimalyssawriter @riverdalemami

[thunder28]

annoying/ possibly an asshole?

Yeah- thats me.

STORY

Ok so i used to work in a shop that had a small toy/warehouse bit attached. And to gain browny shit points with the higher ups, staff would need to ask customers for feedback and if it was good, they got...insentives. A chocolate bar. and YES once, the boss of the shop said...good job.... :(((

So I finished my shift and i think- oh its my neices birthdays soon, best get them toys. I got 2 nerf guns. (these girls were 12-9 at the time :) )

(My bother did not appreciate the darts to the face that follow the nxt few days)

ANYWHO, to i goes to the till and gets the only person in the shop that I actually HATED. This girl was a pile of shit- aka like to stand in the back where i worked- pointing at disable customers, mimicking their stuttering or sounds and pissing herself laughing with another shit ass friend.

BUT the boss loved her. She was his favourite.

so she couldnt get fired for behaving like a big pile of steaming shit. (i did not get her fired or anything sadly)

So i orders my stuff, both of us acting civil enough and collected it and goes home.

BUT i then remembered the feedback. An no it is not the time to out her as shit or bring up all the other crap she’d done to make life working there a bit too stressful. No.

I left feedback saying the service was ok....from Daniel ( her name is Daniella)

I did not realise how this would affect her in the day to come.

So the next day- i goes into work....and everyone is gathered around this printout. I go over and ask about it and they say:

“Someone left feedback for Daniel? we dont have a daniel??”

Slowly, realisation started to sink in.

“Oh- yeah that might have been me. Sometimes i type too fast and...a..”

I look at her face and honest to god- she looked crestfallen- I didnt get it. UNTIL

“Do...you do know my name right. We’ve been working together for months?”

In the deadest tone possible i said, “Yeah- right....sorry bout that” and walked away.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE CALLING HER DANIEL FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!!!

AKA EVERYONE.

(the boss had to tell people to stop after 3 days!)

its only just popped into my head so i thought this gif was justice enough.