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writing-in-riverdale · 6 years ago

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everyone please read this angels work. you never ever fail to impress me pup. i love you so so so much, so proud of u

Zach x Reader: To The Stars Who Listen (1 of 2)

( A/N: All my love to @ashleyykabob (( who tumblr wont let me fucking tag )) the writers need someone like you! )

Plot: The one where you are Zach’s only friend who actually mattered – but nobody knows that.

Do you ever regret something you did?

Like eating that milkshake you know you are allergic too only because you are curious on how a strawberry tastes like?

Or when you sleep with a girl in hopes of having a one night relationship-free good sex only to realize she is an obsessive psycho that went around and screamed to the whole town how much of a cheat you are when she discovered you in bed with another girl? Completely blowing away about thirty percent of your chances with other girls?

Or like when you took the long way home when you were jogging thinking it would be a great day to test your stamina only to lose your breathe halfway downthe route and the sky decides it would be the perfect time to burst out of nowhere?So now, not only are you struggling for breath you are also soaked and shivering with the occasional sneeze that is a clear symptom of an impending cold.

Zach would know – as Zach is currently late to class with a red nose that he covered with a plain and dull looking blue medical face mask that his friends wasted no time to mock.

“Aren’t you looking pretty and dandy today,” Justin teased, the moment he sat next to him in their first class with a soft punch on the shoulders to let Zach know he is only fucking with him.

( Boy’s sure have a weird way of communicating. )

“Fuck you,” Zach shot back, a small grin on his face that Justin would’ve seen if it wasn’t for the damned face mask, so Zach could only hope he saw the smile on his eyes and not get offended.

Zach sneezed, cursing himself and the fucking rain for ruining what was supposed to be a mundane Friday morning. Groaning at the headache that is knocking at his doorstep, he threw his head on the back of his chair and closed his eyes, hoping to God his teacher will just ignore him for the rest of the hour.

Fuck, he shouldn’t have come to school.

Zach does a lot of things he regrets.

“Hey man,” Bryce greeted him with a ready fist to be bumped.

Bryce was on top of that list.

You see, Bryce was the root cause of at least sixty percent of Zach’s lament. Due to being stuck on a social necessity of participating in an educational journey in an outdated and vicious system the government has made Zach made use of his god-given physique and talent in any physical sports to gain the awe and interest of fellow ruffians that have made it at the top of the food pyramid.

Zach bumped his significantly bigger fist with Bryce’s.

They easily accepted him in the group – joining, however, was another mistake.

They were, what sane people would call, assholes. They were loud and obnoxious and could brag for two hours straight without losing their breath. Getting swayed was very easy as being in a big group you tend not to go against the tide and just do whatever everyone else is doing. It’s not about right or wrong anymore, it’s about the guts you have to do the things they can also do. Zach has never really been the confrontational type so he did what he did best and followed their lead.

He hated who they hated and chased after girls they deemed hot. He joined their stupid parties and got in pointless brawls every Friday night. It was so repetitive and pointless but Zach admits it was kinda fun – having so many people at the palm of your hands was a destructive but addicting power to have.

Now, he just doesn’t know how to stop.

“Wake up,”

Zach groaned, yup, definitely a headache, when he heard a small but familiar voice behind him. When he opened his eyes he was pretty sure he died and is currently looking up at an angel or a nymph of some sort.

In his haste to stand up he completely forgot about his cold that is now biting his ass and making the world turn.

“Z-Zach – Jesus!”

Despite his fuzzy vision Zach could feel his shoulders being wrapped around her as she tried to steady him back into the chair. Flinching at the cold palm that rested on his forehead and the hiss that went out of her mouth he knew his condition just got way worse.

“Why are you even here you are sick as a dog,” she muttered, biting her nails the way she usually do when she’s freaking out.

(Y/N) (Y/L/N) is another story. She’s one of those people that is different enough to be unpopular but has gained enough of a reputation that no one wants to fuck with her. Hell, even Bryce learned to back off considering (Y/N) doesn’t give much of a reaction to her teasing – only a cold and dead look in her eyes that could give chills to the worst of the worst.

( In her defense it was one of those bad days where she really didn’t have the energy to deal with Bryce’s shit. )

(( Zach stored Bryce’s humiliated reaction in the deepest part of his brain so that it could never be erased. ))

For the popular kids she was a nightmare that just harmlessly taunts them of her untouchable existence and to the unpopular ones she was just too intimidating to even try to converse with. She is a lot of things to a lot of people but she never quite belonged anywhere.

But despite that many reputations she have garnered over the years she too, however, was also Zach’s friend.

“Come on, let’s get you home”

He might even consider it as his only friend.

“Can you walk? Towards your car at least, I’ll drive.”

But it’s not like anybody knew that – or that it even matters that nobody knew about it, it is still one of the only genuine relationship Zach has with anybody in this campus and Zach wants to makes sure it will remain as such.

Zach has a certain reputation that would cause only harm to her if everybody knew she was his most precious friend and, honestly, the things Zach would do if it meant she will get to live the rest of her peaceful days in this nightmare of an establishment without a hitch surpasses the most. Hopefully then, the two of them can graduate and fuck off to faraway universities where they can live their lives in whatever direction they want it to be and have the freedom to be friends without any consequences being thrown in their way.

“… dun’ have to,” Zach coughed on his fist, and sniffed. “I’m fine.”

She pursed her lips, hands crossed in front of her before rolling her eyes and shaking her head. Before Zach could process what was happening she already removed his jacket that he placed behind his chair and placed it around him.

“Give me the key, I’ll meet you there.”

The rain still hasn’t stopped.

It taunts Zach as it pitter-patters on his window; each drop of water is a mini explosion in his head.

“Hey,” Zach slowly moved his eyes to the direction of her voice to see her gently balancing a bowl of warm soup in her hand and water in the other. “You’re spacing out again, are you sure you’re not dying?”

“You wish.”

“Hmm, a woman can dream, can she not?” Zach couldn’t help but snicker making her smile, relieved that he already have enough energy to joke around. She sat next to him, blowing on the spoon in an effort to make it cooler.

She took a small sip before nodding, offering it to Zach with a mocking ‘say aah’, making him roll his eyes. “’m not a kid,” he said as he opened his mouth.

“Shut up, you love this.”

Zach was at least glad he still had a sense of taste at the very least and consumed at least half off the bowl before deeming himself full.

Having enough of the soup, Zach moved his body so his head can be on her lap. Blocking out her reprimands about ‘eating more so he can take his medicine’ Zach mushed his face on her tummy that was currently covered in his sweatshirt that she stole to be more comfortable.

Heaving a sigh of submit, Zach hummed gleefully when he felt her long fingernails scratching softly on his hair.

“Come on, drink this and then you can nap.” She said but her hand still hasn’t stopped playing with his hair – it was an empty advise at most as she knows once Zach has settled in his favorite position it would take hail and high waters for him to even move.

“Uh-huh,”

“Y’know I have to go back to school, right?”

That caught Zach’s attention as he peaked an eye towards her. “But it’s raining, it’s not safe.”

She raised an eyebrow at his declaration, laughing, “There’s barely any rain outside, Zachy,” she giggled as Zach grumbled and placed her hand in between his warm cheeks and her leg. “I think you caught it all, you giant.”

Zach would’ve defended himself if his eyes weren’t getting so heavy and her cold palms and gentle fingers on his hair weren’t helping his case. “… ju’s stay. Let’s have a sleepover.”

“And you’re going to miss the party?”

The silence that followed was enough of an answer. (Y/N) hated the party. It was to be held at Bryce’s lake house where everyone gets wasted and do stupid shit just because they can. If you look at it another way the lake house is where all of them were really free from the judgment of the world and they can do what they want with no consequences in the near future.

And this time the party is to be held in Zach’s honor.

“It’s okay,” she comforted him making him hate himself even more. “We still have this Sunday, after all, birthday boy.”

Remembering their plans made him giddier. The both of them pulled every string they could possibly pull in hopes of spending a few days together on Zach’s birthday without everyone knowing. Zach already had a master plan months before but he needed her cooperation for it to work – which, thankfully, she gladly gave.

Zach smiled, ignoring the throbbing pain on his head “I can’t fucking wait.”

If Zach was given the chance he would’ve spent the entire weekend with her but the boys have started planning before he could even interject. So he decided to miss a few a school days and steal (Y/N) for a while to actually have a celebration he can enjoy without the overlying threat of a hangover.

If you told him a few years ago that he would spend the weeks before his grandeous 18th birthday planning a secret getaway with a girl with no drinking, loud music, and any hopes or wishes of getting laid he would’ve decked them in the face.

“Me too, Zachy.”

Yet here he is.

“This place is amazing!” She screamed joyfully, running towards the small cabin overseeing a small lake.

Laughing at her antics he quickly picked up her backpack she dropped on the damp ground in favor of running around the place, jogging towards her. “(Y/N), wait up!”

Zach knew she would freak if she ever saw their new cabin and that is why he never told anybody about their new family purchase as he wanted her to see it in its prime without the alcohol stains and lewd vandal his other friends might put in it.

“It’s beautiful in here, “she whispered, eyes not leaving the lake and the woods framing it.

The sun was now fully out but it was early enough that the warmth was comforting from the cold the surrounding woods gave. The breeze was refreshing and the silence a good change from their usually loud environment and as Zach stared at the place behind you he never really realized how peaceful it was when he first saw it – yet now with you in the picture he felt like never coming back home.

“Y’know sometimes I tend to forget how rich you are,”

Zach chuckled, putting an arm around her shoulders as she wrapped hers around her waist. “I thought that was the only reason we’re friends?”

She raised an eyebrow looking up at him before removing her arms around him. “Hmm, maybe so,” she said, walking away.

Zach’s jaw dropped, dropping his bag and hers as he ran towards her retreating figure. “What do you mean ‘maybe so’, you asshole!”

Both of your laughter’s echoed throughout the quiet haven – as the two of you reached a happiness so pure and carefree it felt just like home.

Or maybe something even better.

The crackling of the fire and the noises of unknown but familiar animals is nothing but soothing for Zach, casting a glance on his side he sees her looking up at the sky which was much clearer and brighter now that they are a bit farther from civilization.

“What’cha lookin at?” he spoke quietly, afraid of destroying the tranquility between them. She seemed to have been too into what she was doing as she jumped at his voice but despite that she still managed to give him a small smile.

“The stars,” she said, eyes twinkling. “The north star, to be specific.”

Zach’s brows furrowed looking up. “What’s so great about them? They don’t do anything.”

“Hey,” she giggled. “They do a lot of things, and for your information stars have, in fact, help created the modern civilization.”

Zach propped his head on his palm, moving sideways to look at her, already engrossed at their random topic. “Yeah, like what?”

“Well,” she paused, thinking about it. “In the past, farmers use to keep track of them to know what the next season will be so they can adjust when to plant or not to plant their crops. And lost sailors use them as a guide on where to go to y’know … help find the right direction, and come back home.”

Zach couldn’t help but stare as she moved to a sitting position, hands wrapped around her legs as she continued to look up above.

“So in a way, stars are what kept people sane, especially when there was too much mess and danger in the world full of unknown things.” She sighed dreamily. “It’s like a dear old friend you can always lean on since they’re always there no matter how much time passes. You may lose sight of them and even forget about them from time to time … but they’re always there. They’re always with you.”

Zach looked up too, eyeing the burning gases millions of miles away decorating the sky and having a newfound respect and appreciation for them. “Yeah, that’s pretty sick.”

Realizing she has said already too much she started to blush and laugh nervously – late night talks really removes the filter in her brain, sometimes.

“And it’s not like I tease you for staring at burning wood for the past hour,” she teased, giving him the side eye.

Zach laughed, eyes returning to the orange flame slowly burning the pre-cut wood he found at the back of the house. “I was not staring, I was feeling it,”

“Feeling?”

“Yeah … feeling,” Zach started to zone out, too immersed at the dance the fire seemed to do. “It’s warm … and comforting, and as stupid as it may sound it makes me feel safe and at ease.”

Zach looked back only to see her staring at the fire too. “Kind of like you then,” she commented off-handedly.

“What?”

“I-I mean,” Her eyes widened in surprise, not realizing she said that out loud. “Y-You’re warm too and you keep me safe – I always feel safe … with you, I mean.”

She smiled once again, looking down and hooking a loose hair on her ears.

Zach has been called a lot of names in his life. Yet, he was pretty sure he was never warm and comforting for other people – in fact, it would not be an exaggeration to say he was quite the opposite. The fact that she feels this way about him makes him want to burst out crying. He’s been so used to being the asshole all the time it was a nice change to become a source of safety for another person this time.

Especially a person as special as her.

Feeling his eyes water he quickly looked away, wiping any tears that might fall down.

She grinned, leaning her head on his shoulders but not before giving him a small peck on the side of his cheek, just before his ears, which he was thankful for. He knows that she knows emotions are something he’s not very good at and quickly gets uncomfortable with.

“You’re my fireplace.“ she added so softly that if it wasn’t so quiet Zach would’ve missed it. He was glad he didn’t as his heart ached from the amount of adoration and care he felt for such a small person.

Clearing his throat, Zach kissed the top of her forehead and hugged her tighter; pulling her so close to him not even a wisp of wind can move in between them. . “If that’s the case,” he looked down just as she looked up at him and has she really been that beautiful?

“Then, you’re my north star, pet.”

“Aye! Zachy’s here!” Zach nodded at his friends who screamed the moment they noticed Zach’s flashy ride. He eyed his rear view mirror to see you walking towards the entrance doors. He couldn’t help but smile as you gave a swift wave towards him. He gave you a ride this morning but dropped you off a block from the school grounds, behind the main road, to keep up the façade that the two of you built together.

Unbuckling his seat belt he prepared himself for the real world now that the bubble you created has now burst.

“Hey man,” he greeted Justin who was the first to reach him, giving him a high five and a half-hug.

“Dude, whatever kind of cold you got must be brutal – we missed you the past days!”

Zach could only laugh. “Well, you assholes did force-feed me tequila on my birthday.”

They’re gonna lose their fucking minds if they ever learned that he’s been spending the past three days, swimming, fishing, reading a damn book, and burning schmores by the fire with (Y/N). He bets one of them is gonna have a heart attack and just drop dead.

“Where’s Bryce?” he wondered, eyes instinctively looking for one of the pillars of their group.

Justin stopped mid-conversation with Scott,” Oh he’s with coach – think it’s about the game this weekend,” he shrugged and Zach nodded.

The rest of the day flowed like a breeze and Zach was still in such a good mood from the past few days he was actually able to brush off any jabs and teases that would’ve usually hit a mark.

It was all fun and games until lunch break came.

“Hey Zach.”

Everyone at the table looked up when they heard Bryce’s voice coming behind them. Zach had a sick feeling in his stomach when he saw that malicious smile growing on Bryce’s face with a glint in his eyes that means he knew something Zach didn’t.

“Sup,” he greeted, faking a smile in hopes he was just over thinking everything.

It wasn’t.

“Hey, look,” Bryce wrapped his arm around Zach’s shoulder and opened up his screen to show a photo of him and (Y/N) on their way to a convenience store hours before their getaway. He was turning his back on the camera but his physique was impossible to be mistaken while her face was clearly seen on the camera, beaming up at him. “I didn’t know you and her were close, man. I’m surprised – never thought you were into this kind of girl –“

“How did you get this?”

Zach could feel his body go cold in horror, he was confident – they were pretty far from their town and it was a pretty quiet and abandoned place so he never really thought that anybody would see them.

“Chloe sent it to me. They had a house out there and she visited her grandma – but anyway, look, I get the point, man. She is pretty cute but,” he snickered. “You gotta admit that girl is weird as hell.” He whispered like it was some sort of secret between him, emphasizing the word weird as if that was enough of a reason to degrade a woman. And the guys who have now leaned in closer to them to get a glimpse of the photo and his reactions was more than happy to give Bryce the laughter’s and validation he wants.

Justin took the phone and frowned. “I thought she was just helping you with your Algebra project?”

“Yeah –“

“That was months ago.” Bryce rolled his eyes, scoffing.

Zach could feel the eyes of the whole group on him – and even other students from another table who have opted to keep quiet and listen to their conversation. When he looked at Bryce he could see that his mind was set and Zach is gonna need a goddamn miracle to convince him otherwise.

“Is this one of your hit and run where you failed to run, Zachy?” he teased, earning a couple of snickers from the others.

“It’s nothing! Really …” when he looked up he could see the questioning eyes of his friends and even Justin who would usually help him find a way out on this kind of things was almost as lost as he was. “I just … she just helped me a lot. And I passed to so –“

“So this was a pity date?” Monty butted in, pointing at the screen that was on the table.

“Yeah,” he nodded almost forcibly, gulping. Already feeling the guilt seep in his bones. He felt bad even agreeing to it but right now he couldn’t find any other excuse. “, yeah, and she’s kinda a family friend so I would hate it if her dad starts calling my mom if I dumped her so suddenly.”

“You’re dating?” Bryce asked eyes wide in disbelief but his grin just got bigger and bigger as he started to create a story of his own.

“No! No, she thinks were dating I’m just …” Now he’s just digging himself a deeper hole to rot in.

“Just in it for the pussay!” Monty screamed, earning a lot of hollers and high-fives.

“No –“

“Yo, yo, look!” Monty suddenly started hitting Alex on the chest to get his attention and Zach could swear all of his blood left his body when he saw you walking towards the canteen with your lunch clearly aware of the sudden attention being directed towards you. “It’s the psycho.”

Zach wasn’t sure if you heard it but everyone sure did and started snickering and laughing quietly. Even from over there Zach could see the confusion and growing embarrassment going over your face as everyone started whispering, not even trying to be subtle as they talked about you.

“Hey girl,” Bryce teased as she walked away, wiggling his fingers as his voice echoed throughout the otherwise moderately quiet cafeteria.

“Come on, Bryce,” Justin tried to reason but Bryce just brushed him off.

“What?” he smiled and Zach wanted nothing more than to punch his pretty teeth out. “We gotta be nice to her or daddy might tell us off.”

“Okay, that’s enough. Don’t be a dick,” Justin caught his head on a lock, rubbing his fist on her hair successfully messing it up making all the others laugh and shift the tension growing on the table.

Zach could be thankful but he was too busy replaying the horror on your face from everything that just happened– and it was his fault.

“(Y/N), I’m so glad you’re here.”

He’s been waiting on the dock for four hours already and it was freezing cold. He was pretty sure she weren’t gonna show but now he’s just glad that he waited. Though by the blank look on her face and the tight hug she had on herself Zach knew he was in some deep shit.

There was a heavy silence around you and Zach doesn’t know how to remove it. He’s been thinking what he was gonna say and how he was gonna apologize for the better half of the day and now that she’s here, avoiding his eyes it seemed that nothing would be just good enough of an apology.

Zach could feel the seconds tick by and her patience thinking but for fucks’ sake he just doesn’t know what to say to you to make it right.

“This is familiar, huh,” Zach was surprised when she suddenly spoke. It actually took him a second too long to process what she just said and that she just walked past him on the end of the wooden dock. “Just like that day.”

Trying to catch her eyes Zach walked on the other side, using one of the wooden frames as a wall to lean in. “Yeah,” he agreed, looking at her as she stared at the starless night sky, forgetting about everything for a few moments. “It’s crazy how much time passes by.”

“You mean, back then we were strangers and now I’m your psycho family friend?”

This time she looked at him and Zach was surprised at the tears that were gathering at her eyes. He stepped forward, trying to do anything to comfort her, just for her to raise a palm towards him making him freeze.

“I’m sorry,” she muttered, wiping her eyes.

“No – no, I’m the one who should be sorry –“

“Sorry about what?” Zach’s mind halted as he tried to find the words of his apologies. They may have been friends for about just a year or two yet Zach was sure they had formed a friendship deep enough where he had seen everything she has to offer him. Yet he was pretty sure she has never been this mad before.

“Wha - ?”

“Are you sorry for telling your friends you’ve been fucking me behind their backs for good grades or that I am an obsessed slut who has put you on the chokehold?”

Zach was desperate. When he listens to the lies being listed down he now realizes how bad it sounds when he was just trying to protect her.

“Now listen –“

“Or – or are you sorry, that despite everything we’ve been through,” she gasped, breathing heavily, nearly hysterical. “, despite everything I’ve done for you, you’re still ashamed to call me your friend?”

Zach was frozen in shock. She was crying now, silent tears dropping of her face like a fountain. “… what?”

That was a lie. She knows it’s a lie. Zach’s not ashamed, he’s just protecting her!

“You could’ve stopped it, Zach.” She declared, scoffing, raising her hands only for it to slump back to her sides. “You could’ve stopped it but instead you not only started it – you added fuel to the fucking flame!”

The way she said it sounds like she actually believed it – as if she doesn’t know Zach would never do anything to harm her on purpose. This was an accident, something that he had no control over.

“Do you know how humiliating it was for me? To be called a fucking psycho by everyone everywhere I go just because you couldn’t man up and tell them that I was your fucking friend.” She poked him.

He however, took the chance, grasping her palm that was near him and using it to wrap her in a hug. She tried fighting him, fists readily punching his chest in an effort to get out of his grasp but he persisted until her sobs become too apparent and she opted to use her hands to cover her face.

“I’m sorry,” he gasped, forgetting to stop the tears on his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t – I swear to God I didn’t mean it. I was just –“

He let out a sudden ‘oof’ when she suddenly pushed him away with both of her arms, successfully creating a space between them.

“… didn’t mean it?”

Zach closed and opened his mouth, seemingly finding a hard time to explain himself without sounding like a dick.

“I was just trying to protect you.” He said, hands on either side of her waist, hoping it would calm her down. Zach hates it when she cries.

Zach could see her disassociating when her eyes suddenly started to become blank before she blinked fast a couple of times and nodded. “Well, you failed.”

“(Y/N) –“

“Y’know what,” she stepped back one more time, slapping Zach’s hand away from her. “Are you even really sorry?”

“Yes! That is exactly why we are having this conversation right now!” Zach screamed, nearly reaching desperation as he saw everything getting worse and worse right in front of his very eyes.

“So would you tell them?” Her eyes glared in challenge, arms wrapping around her as if to protect her from Zach.

“… what do you mean?”

“Tell them,” she dared, a slow fire burning in her eyes. “Call them. Post something – Hell, send a fucking raven and tell them that you lied. Tell them you screwed up and sprouted some bullshit without thinking about the consequences.”

Zach’s mouth remained open. “But that would only put more attention on you! I don’t want them to hurt you!

“That’s what you don’t fucking get, Zach!” Zach was suprised when she suddenly screamed, more tears flowing down her face. “I’m already hurt!” She pointed at herself. “I’m hurt and it’s not because of them!”

She was gasping and her hands were running through her hair just to have something to do and other things to pour all her anger and frustrations off. “Because I couldn’t care less if they called me a bitch or a weirdo or a fucking psycho! Or if they point out every single fucking thing wrong with me because they’ve been doing that my whole life what makes you think I would give a fuck now?! I – ”

“Sweetheart, calm down, you’re gonna –“

“I wouldn’t have cared if that was just the case because I don’t care about them!” She was sobbing so hard it was as if her whole body was shaking and Zach could only watch – could only curl his hands into fists, his nails digging so hard in his palms it was starting to drip with blood.

“But … but this is you Zach,” she whispered. “This is all about you.”

“This is… this is about you dropping me off on the streets because you don’t want anybody to see you’ve been driving me to school for a year now because God knows what they’ll think if they see their fucking superstar with some freak!”

Her hair was unruly and her face splotchy from rage but she couldn’t care less. Everything that built up inside her was now coming with a vengeance.“This is about the secret signals and letters and hideaways because you think you’re protecting me from the world when really you weren’t just brave enough to face it yourself.”

She was rambling but without ever realizing it every word was a sharp knife on Zach’s chest. “This is about you being desperate and cowardly enough to protect yourself from the criticisms that you didn’t hesitate to throw me under the bus.”

Zach tried to say something but she wasn’t finished. Too much pent up pain and anger that Zach had no idea was boiling up inside her. He hated that she can’t understand – doesn’t understand because she doesn’t know these people like he does, she doesn’t know cruel they can be and what they are capable of doing.

And she is hurt that he doesn’t realize that she can take it on – can take all the insults and rumors if it meant he was on her side. When she realized this was going nowhere she wiped her eyes, getting tired of all the hundred of emotions she felt in the past ten hours.

“You know,” she sniffed, this time no longer looking at Zach as he too was looking down on his feet, having no more strength to argue. The whole day has been draining for the both of them for reasons so similar yet also so different that it started to tear them apart. “When people say they’re sorry they mean that they would no longer do it again.”

Zach could do nothing but watch as the one treasured relationship he has in life starts to bend …

“But you would.”

And bend.

“Cause you think you’re protecting me when you’re just really protecting yourself.”

And bend.

“And what sucks is that I wouldn’t even think of doing this to you because …”

And break.

“Because, I loved you.”

Zach’s head shot up towards you but it was too late, you were barely holding on, eyes so watery he was pretty sure you couldn’t even see him anymore. He doesn’t know what to do with himself. He hasn’t felt this torn for a long time. He could feel tears on his face but didn’t have the strength to try and stop it.

It’s as if every problem he kept putting on hold suddenly started to come for him all at the same time and now he has to make a choice between the perfect, untouchable facade he has carefully crafted his whole life and the girl who has given him the new perspective of himself he didn’t know he was capable of becoming.

And his mind is running a thousand miles per second but somehow he still can’t come up with an answer. And she was no longer willing to wait.

“And I thought you loved me too.” She gasped, taking every deep breath she can. “I held on because I thought …”

Shaking her head, Zach watched as she took off and ran towards her car. And Zach wished he could scream her name and stop her. Just run towards her and hold her down until they had both calmed down enough to talk about it.

But he can’t.

Not because he doesn’t want to but because of all the shit and confusion that happened tonight the one thing he was sure of is that she deserves something better. She deserves something more than secrets and timed moments together. She deserved a friend who would always have her back even if the world turned theirs. She deserved a love so big and bright it would swallow her whole and make her shine brighter than she ever could.

She deserves something that Zach couldn’t give.

Not this time.

Zach thinks about her a lot. Hell, she barely really left his mind.

Some days he would wake up and forget for a few minutes – mind already thinking about picking a second jacket just in case she forgot hers only to reach out on his closet and freeze halfway as his memory start to kick in and everything to punch him in the gut at eight am in a Monday morning.

He thought about her confession and all the signs that she might have given him in the past and he realized she wasn’t alone. As Zach replayed every moment they spent together in the past he realized that he, too, was different when he was with her.

His eyes sees the world brighter than it should be, each color more vibrant and clear especially when she was part of it. How his smiles causes a pinch in his cheeks from being too wide whenever she makes a joke so bad it was funny. How he breathes easier as his walls and worries starts to disappear one by one whenever he spends the night in her room with his head in her lap over sharing secrets he knew would be safe no matter what because she was her and he would trust her with his life. How his world seems a better place because her small hands were clasped in his and she was dragging him towards a new adventure so poorly planned he was pretty sure it was illegal yet he still let her anyway because every dumb idea always lead to some crazy adventure he knew he can treasure.

When Zach was looking for the signs on why, how and when she loved him he only found out that he was in love with her too.

He loved her hair and how she always manages to put it in a bun everyday because it was annoying yet never seem to want to cut it short, how she makes Zach record her ramblings because she might sprout out a million dollar idea accidentally and make her rich enough to disappear from the world. He loved how she always make Zach check the plot of every film they watch because she can’t handle the stress of watching it if it has a sad ending. Or how she researched an alternative strawberry cake recipe on his birthday because she wanted him to know how it tastes like without palpitating.

Zach loves her.

But it wasn’t enough.

It never was and it never could be.

He could only watch as your mother kissed your cheeks while your dad removed your graduation cap and shuffled your hair a bit mumbling at how proud he was at the top of your head. You carried a flower that he knows you hate because it made you itchy but still cradled in your hand like a baby because you didn’t want to make anyone feel bad.

He didn’t realize how long he was looking at you until; finally, you looked at him as well.

He regrets that at that night by the fire he didn’t kiss you. He regrets that he didn’t punch Bryce and break his nose the moment your name went out of his disgusting mouth. Why didn’t he just scream to the fucking world how he would trade all of them in a heartbeat if it meant that you would stay by his side forever.

He regrets that the two of you returned back to what you once were before.

Strangers.

But now, with too many precious memories in between.

And Zach regrets a lot of things – may it be stupid pranks that turned dangerous, or not studying for exams that could dictate his future or maybe even not spending as much time with her sister as he would’ve liked.

But as he looked at you walking away, eyes sad but driven never moving from where he is, he knew no matter how bad it may have ended – and how he wished it didn’t – he would never, ever, regret you. He would never regret the memories and the lessons and the love that helped you mold each other into persons that you were meant to be.

( He had so many things he wanted to say to you – things he realized too late but he hopes you know. )

And the two of you might have grown into two different people going on different directions and into worlds so far apart it gave you little to no chances of ever brushing into each other again in your lives but what’s important is that you have served the purpose you both had into each other’s lives.

To set each other free – may it be from other people or from yourselves.

However, despite all of that, despite knowing that what you had was only meant to stop here, Zach still couldn’t help but look back – praying to anybody that was listening that in the future, if fates may will it to be, the two of you will once again find your way back to each other.

And find the home you left in the past.

COMMENTS ARE APPRECIATED!!!

THERE WILL BE A PART 2

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