#a messy run down of the fanfic that will never be written

[dearlyd3parted]

half agony, half smoke | k. jongseob x reader

syp☆彡: kim jongseob has a problem. well, lots of them actually. his lighters never last long, his friends keep pestering him, he’s recently discovered he’s a lot more of an outsider than he thought he was, and the librarian is doing something strange to his heart.

word count: 14.4k

warnings: delinquent!jongseob (as i have pegged it) x librarian!reader .. 18+, nsfw, does contain smut at the end, minors do not interact! light angst (gets resolved quick dw), mentions of smoking (devils lettuce), drinking, some profanity.

⛓️authors note : debut fic lol !! this is v self indulgent, i love jongseob killing it era and i love books how can you blame me(^_^) havent written fic in forever and used to be an ao3 author, only proofread once so pls be nice!! i hope to open requests in the future :3 hope u love!

🏷️: #p1harmony fanfic #p1harmony smut #kim jongseob #i love this one #pls love it too

“Out of all of us…I think Jongseob’s the worst.”

Is what came out in chuckles from Keeho’s mouth, followed by 4 other snickers and remarks of agreement. Jongseob, in question, was staring at the ceiling in a daze, when the statement made him bring his half lidded gaze back to his friends.

“The worst? How, hyung?” Jongseob said with a growing smirk, his body sunk into the couch as a familiar wave of relaxation took over him.

It was a typical weekday night, at least for Jongseob and his friends it was. They had just finished band practice, which usually consisted of running through a small setlist and messing around in the studio, which was just a small corner with all their necessary equipment in Theo’s basement. Oh, and of course the obligatory blunt (or two…or three) that they passed around after every practice like some sort of closing ritual.

Keeho was sprawled on the floor, joined by Shota, when he propped up on his elbow to stare at Jongseob with the same half lidded eyes. “You’re a total…delinquent.” He began, receiving nods from others. “I mean, we all are, I guess. But you’re like…especially worse.”

Following that statement came sounds of mmmm’s, indicating agreement from the other equally stoned guys in the room. And, well now Jongseob’s entire high was ruined.

He sat up to look around and couldn’t believe his barely opened eyes that these guys were mutually agreeing that he was the most misbehaved out of them all. Not when he’s seen Theo and Intak play a garage show for one of those stupidly large buzz balls. Now he was offended.

“Worse?” He spat with a puzzled look knitted in his eyebrows. “What do you mean? I’m not even in the top three in this room.”

Keeho snickered, joined by Intak who now took responsibility in explaining to Jongseob this twisted agenda that was being spread. “Dude, Come on. You’re the youngest, for starters.” He said as he took a drag, the neatly rolled blunt resting in his fingers. “So automatically you’ve got that edge to you…You were in the back of a cop car once. Theo had to call and pretend to be your dad, remember?”

Jongseob stared at him with thin, offended eyes as the blunt was passed down to soul, and apparently the shit-talk-jongseob baton to Keeho as he took over. “I definitely remember that. You're also addicted to those little pens, even though we tell you those things are bad for you. Let’s see…you fought throughout like all of your freshman and sophomore year. No idea how you graduated, by the way.”

Jongseob scoffed, running his hand through messy hair as he looked at the ceiling. “That was so long ago.”

“Whatever, you still did it.” Keeho retorted, giggling at soul puffing his cheeks with smoke. “What else……..oh! There was also your graffiti phase, too. Although we can’t get on you too much for that one. Sometimes you cuss like a sailor, You’re a little asshole to all of us. Aaaand…You’re failing community college. Even Jiung and Theo, and I have music degrees, man.”

Jongseob was passed the blunt from Shota (not so much passing as Jongseob snatching it) and took a long, hard drag before he shook his head and spoke. “Music degrees, wow. You’re gonna be baristas.”

Theo clicked his tongue and let out an annoyed sound as he looked over at an unbothered Jiung and very bothered Keeho. “See, little asshole.”

Shota, who out of he and Jiung would be most likely to defend Jongseob, finally sighed. “I don’t know Seob, that’s pretty bad.”

Jongseob was just irritated now. Cause honestly, if he began listing everything this bunch has done, himself excluded, they’d be there for an hour. Only because he was the youngest, and maybe a little snarkier, and maybe caring the least for any type of school or employment outside of music, was he named the biggest delinquent. What it was was, “Bullshit. You guys are all on your high horse but I’m really not bad.”

The next pillar who was meant to defend Jongseob came crumbling down, leaving his foundation crumbled and turned to dust as Jiung spoke up. “Jongseob…when was the last time you read a book?”

Jongseob stayed quiet, the question catching him off guard, and just as he was about to answer, Intak cut him off. “No comic books don’t count.”

He made a point to blow smoke in his face as he rebuttled, “Shota literally reads comic books, too.”

Keeho waved him off, a hand patting Shota’s head. “Shota’s just different. Whatever, the point remains. Not like you can help it though. You’re younger than all of us, so you’re going to be less mature. Now pass the blunt, it’s my turn.”

Jongseob shooed away the hand that was reaching for it, leaning back and looking at the ceiling, the blunt following his mouth. “Screw off, roll a new one.”

★彡

It had been maybe a day later when Jongseob found himself holding onto the rail of a train headed to an outer district of the city, known for housing one particular facility.

The library.

He had his headphones on, trying to bob his head to the song he was listening to, but he kept asking himself the same question. It was in only a few short minutes that he decided to grab his go-to dark wash jeans from the floor and any tank top that went with it, and make his way to the train station to go to the library.

But, the question was none other than why?

The truth is, every man has an insatiable ego, and Jongseob was not going to let it be bruised due to “being too much of a delinquent”, all at the fault of the epitome of rebellion themselves. (His dear, dear friends.)

So, he was going to read a book, damnit.

He didn’t care which, truly. Unfortunately, their statements had held true. Jongseob vaguely remembers reading a random chapter book back in his 6th year, but that was the last he had seen of that. Any book that he ever gave the light of day to were in fact comic books, and maybe he’d occasionally read a paragraph or two if one of his favorite artists had a written interview.

He didn’t care what book he read, he just needed to read something. As long as it was profound and complex and pretentious and educational or whatever, it would do the job of rubbing it in his friends face that he was more well rounded than they made him out to be.

That is the goal he was laser focused on as he stepped off the train, walking the short distance through the city and pushing through the heavy doors of the library, despite every bone in his body rejecting the idea.

He took a deep breath as he walked in, fumbling to turn off the music leaking from his headphones as it contradicted the quiet environment. Jongseob made his way to the front desk, suddenly conscious of every noise he made. Did the library require pin silence, or just no talking? Hell if he knew.

The front desk was empty. Momentarily, Jongseob searched for a bell, but realized that would be quite counter productive in this setting.

But, he didn’t have to search for long. He could hear shuffling behind the wall, coming from the room behind the front desk that said “archives” on the plaque. He looked down, and saw the belongings of someone who was there, surely someone was working.

Jongseob cleared his throat after a few seconds, deciding he had no choice but to call out, and so he did. “S’there someone back there?”

The shuffling stopped for a second, and continued, as a female voice could be heard. “Uh, yes! I’ll be out in a moment.”

Jongseob ran a hand over his neck before leaning on the counter. So, apparently it is okay to talk that loud in libraries. He struggled in stifling an annoyed groan as all that ran through his mind was that he didn’t want to be here longer than he needed to. But, alas, he had to see it through.

He lifted his head up from his shoes, staring at the wall that separated him and the librarian. “I just need to know…what uh…what books are the most important, you know? Like, what had the most impact or something.”

A sigh and continued shuffling could be heard as the librarian continued tending to what she was doing. “Oh, so…like the most influential? Um, I personally would say authors like Homer, Tolstoy, Voltaire, Plato, Dostoyevsky, they definitely have some of the most important books written. Something everyone should read.”

The librarian seemed to be fond of the question, but Jongseob wasn’t particularly fond of the answer, considering all of those names already sounded complicated.

A thud could be heard from the back, “But you also can’t forget the women authors that shaped literature. Toni Morrison, Jane Austen, the Brontë sisters…” The librarian rambled.

Jongseob was already discouraged, his head leaning on his hand. He was almost close to walking off, accepting his delinquent and classic stoner title, when the librarian stopped shuffling. Footsteps could be heard and out emerged you.

When Jongseob thought of a librarian, he thought of a middle aged lady, one who needed to desperately get laid and interact with someone other than her cats. Not a girl his age (who looked way too bright), with a sweet smile plastered on her face.

Jongseob stood up straight from where he was leaning, watching as you straightened out your clothes, and pushed up your glasses. You had a look of understanding, like you knew Jongseob was lost and clearly needed some elaboration on every word that had just come out of your mouth.

“Though, all those names can be a lot if you’ve never heard them before…” You said, your hands resting on the counter as Jongseob took in every aspect of you.

Your hair, braided to the side with strands sticking out in a perfect almost intentional way. Your eyes, doe-like and big, as if you could talk about this all day, even with someone like Jongseob. Your clothes, soft and delicate, nothing like Jongseob’s style, yet just so fitting on you. There seemed to be only one thought running rampant in his mind now as he processed all of these micro details.

Damnit, she is so cute.

Jongseob was interrupted from his thoughts as you spoke again. “I would recommend The great gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald to start off, and Animal Farm by George Orwell. Those are always the easiest to digest.”

Jongseob was too entranced to even care about the fact that you already knew he was too stupid to read any of the authors you had stated at first. He was almost too distracted to answer, but he managed to anyway as he swallowed the fluster in his throat. “Uh, okay, yeah. Great Gatsby…Animal Farm. Where can I find those?”

You pushed away from the counter, ducking down and leaving Jongseob’s sight. And strangely, it took everything in him to not lean over the counter to watch, but he didn’t have to as you popped shortly after, startling him into leaning back a little.

“Lucky for you, I haven’t put these back on the shelf. Here,” You said, pushing the books towards him, “You can read the backs!”

Jongseob reached out, picking up The Great Gatsby first, breathing in deeply before he started to read, already worried about seeming like a dumbass.

He began to skim through the paragraph in the back. A skim, because he would read a few words, think about it, and look up at you as sneakily as he could. By the time he remembered what he had to be doing, he had lost his place, and skipped a few words as he repeated this method.

Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald's third book…She’s pretty…Jazz Age…Generations of readers….She’s not doing anything, but she’s pretty…A Story of the fabulously wealthy Jay Gatsby and his love for the beautiful Daisy Buchanan…Can she see me looking?…Lavish parties…"gin was the national drink and sex the national obsession,"…God, I think she saw me stare…Exquisitely crafted tale…1920s….one of the great classics of twentieth-century literature.

As Jongseob started to lower the book from his line of view, you took note, stopping from scanning the barcodes of recently returned books to look at him. “What’d you think?” You asked him enthusiastically, genuinely curious to know.

Jongseob stayed quiet for a few seconds, partly because he was trying to process both what he just read, but also that you were standing in front of him again and he shouldn’t be this nervous. “Uh…so it’s, about parties? And some guy who’s in love with a girl?”

Hearing the extremely simplified yet somehow accurate summarization of the book from Jongseob, you giggled, the back of your hand coming to your mouth momentarily before looking back at him with a smile. Jongseob should NOT have felt so many emotions from a simple laugh. “Pretty much. But, like it said, super fancy parties. Not like the regular house parties we know.”

Jongseob pulled his gaze to the counter, placing it down as his rings made a noise grazing the wooden surface, still recovering from the sound of your laugh. “I don’t go to parties, so…don’t know what they’re like, but I’ll keep that in mind.” Jongseob said, before his eyes darted up to you. Why’d he say that? Was that rude, awkward, or worse, stupid? Why does he want you to know he doesn’t go to parties? I mean, he doesn’t, but is he already trying to convince you he’s not as much of a jackass as he looks?

Either way, you had definitely taken him as the type to go to parties, and that was evident by the way your eyes widened a little. Just subtly enough that if Jongseob wasn’t staring right at them, he might have not noticed. “Ah, I see,” you say through a smile, “I don’t either, but still, you’ll see the difference!”

You pushed the other book towards him, Jongseob watching your every movement. “Read the other! I think this one is the more interesting of the two!”

Jongseob nods, picking up the back of Animal Farm, prying his eyes off of you as he breathes and prepares himself for another synopsis with unnecessarily big words. With an internal sigh, he tries to shake off any surrounding thoughts to get a better grasp on this one.

A farm is taken over by its overworked, mistreated animals. With flaming idealism and stirring slogans, they set out to create a paradise of progress, justice, and equality. Thus the stage is set for one of the most telling satiric fables ever penned—a razor-edged fairy tale for grown-ups that records the evolution from revolution against tyranny to a totalitarianism just as terrible.

Jongseob can just tell his eyebrows are a little contorted. Despite not having an absolute grasp on what exactly tyranny and totalitarianism was, what he got from that was some poorly treated animals took over a farm, and somehow started to run it themselves? He wondered for a second if he was still high from yesterday, before you entered and cleared any confusion.

“Yeah, that one can seem a bit odd,” you said as you walked back over to him. “But, it is in fact about farm animals who take over their farm. Just with the added element of how power corrupts. I swear, it’s interesting once you start it up.”

Jongseob looks down at it, using every part of his brain that was tied to memory as he tried to pick apart the word totalitarianism. “So what, the animals turn into like, Stalin and all those other guys?”

You nod enthusiastically. “Yeah, just like that actually! George Orwell wanted the book to be an allegory, or a…hidden message, that represents the Russian revolution.”

Jongseob nods, a more smug look on his face knowing that he accidentally hit it on the dot. If only keeho could see him right now. It quickly turned into him looking like an idiot however, as not only could he simultaneously not stop looking at you but not holding eye contact, but he also wanted to hear you talk more, with no clue what to say. He was such a loser, why can’t he speak? You were just a girl, after all. What should he say? Does he even say anything? Can you tell that he’s nervous? And again, he shouldn’t be this nervous-

“So, you want to check them out? I can do that for you.” You said as his thoughts whirled, reminding him that he was standing in a public library.

Jongseob rubs the back of his neck and nods as he manages to slow his heart rate. “Yeah, I’ll take them.”

The next few minutes are spent with you and Jongseob going back and forth. Asking if he has a library card, Jongseob says yes, not wanting you to think this is the first time he’s ever been around a book, but he actually doesn’t know. You ask him for his number, put it in the system, and it turns out he doesn’t actually have a card.

Eventually, Jongseob ends up with a library card and Animal Farm and The Great Gatsby checked out under his name. As you slided the books back over to him, telling him he was all set with that stupidly sweet smile, he froze.

“So, how long do you think these will take me to read?”

He doesn’t know why he said anything, when he could’ve just bid you farewell and been on his merry way. Well, actually, he does know. He needed to talk to you more, and blurted the first question to come up in his mind. It’s just embarrassing to admit.

You tilted your head at him, thinking about it with inquisition, “Hm, well they’re both only a little over 100 pages…How long did it take you to read your last book?”

He really should’ve just walked away.

“Maybe…like a week.”

Lies. Such a lie. He could only pray the questions stopped there.

“And how long was it?”

Jongseob paused, pretending to think about it, but in his mind scrambling for any impressive number. Over 200 pages was good right? No, too little. 300? 500?

“Um…I think around, 620…?”

You didn’t have to know 6 represented the number of members in his band, and 20 derived from the number that represents his favorite substance.

But of course, you believed him. Having no reason to doubt, really. Looking pleasantly surprised, you nodded. “That’s pretty good! I think both should definitely take you no more than a week.”

If Jongseob already wasn’t feeling embarrassed, he was now also overwhelmed with annoyance. Less than a week implied a few days, and he had never spent more than 10 minutes reading. Still, he tried his best to feign indifference, nodding his head. “Alright, well, thank you.”

You waved at him as he pushed away from the counter. “Anytime! I look forward to hearing your thoughts!”

Jongseob smiled politely, and turned around to walk away, swearing that he let go of a breath he had been holding since he walked in.

His headphones slipped back on as he recalled everything that had just happened. Not only does he now have two books in his hand that are definitely biting off more than he can chew, he interacted with the prettiest girl who he has seen in a while, but likely made a fool of himself and lied straight to her face.

He shook his head, wishing he could slap himself as he clenched on the books and swearing he would take this to the grave. Only the lord knew if his friends found out it would never die down.

Yeah, he was never coming back. And he certainly wasn’t reading these snoozefests. Jongseob had accepted defeat.

★彡

It had only been four days since he came that the blonde boy was back.

You have always loved reading. For most people, reading was something that they just had to do throughout school. Ever since you remember though, reading was never just a chore.

Since you were old enough, you made it your life’s mission to read whatever you could get your hands on. Prose, Poems, Novels, Biographies, Memoirs, Trilogies, Nonfiction, Fiction, Plays, and everything and anything in between.

If that made you a goody-two-shoes or not, you didn’t care. You were simply too busy immersing yourself in everything the well educated in society had to say, whether it was recent or from 500 years ago.

You always knew you wanted to pursue a type of career where you would somehow be involved in written media, in any way, shape, or form. Therefore, when an internship for a weekday program as an assistant librarian presented itself, you were all over the opportunity.

The job was going well. Afterall, you were getting paid to be surrounded by what you loved most. Sure, there would always be the rather fascinating people that you had to handle, but that came along with any job.

Jongseob, as the name on his file states, was certainly one of them.

It was odd enough that someone was asking for book recommendations with the criteria of being ‘the most important, you know?,’ but to continue to have a roller coaster of a conversation, bouncing from parties to hearing he allegedly read over 600 pages in a week.

You like to believe that literature always found people in life when they needed it. And throughout the time you spent at the library, you had come across many different characters reaching that point of their lives.

But never someone like Jongseob. Someone who looked like he was out of a rock band, throwing or attending the heaviest ragers in town during the weekends, and overall being what society liked to call an outsider. Someone who was pushing through the wooden double doors of the library and making a b-line to the front desk with books in hand you thought you’d never see again.

You smiled up at him from your computer, surely he wouldn’t be here for long if he was back so soon.

“Hello again? Didn’t like the books?” You said, watching him as he leaned against the counter again, taking in his what seemed to be classic dazed appearance adorned with baggy all black and a chain or two. Yeah, surely he was just dropping them off.

“Nah, I finished them…I have…lots of questions, though.”

That, you certainly weren’t expecting.

Regardless of how shocking the news may be, you were ecstatic. Not only that you had helped encourage a new person to read, but this person now had questions. Even someone like him. You beamed as you stood up to stand in front of him eager for this. “I’m sure I have answers.”

Jongseob seemed to ground himself with a sigh as he grabbed ‘Animal Farm’ in his hands. “You were right, this one was interesting when I started. So…was that one pig Napoleon, he really trained those puppies just so he could gain power?”

You nodded as you looked down and back at him, finding the curiosity and questioning in his face pretty…..endearing. “Uh, yeah, seems like it. And also as a way of keeping the rest of the farm scared,” You explained with a smile.

Jongseob nodded in understanding, his eyes narrowing as he searched for his next words. “I don’t get why Boxer was so loyal…I mean, I get he was dumb and all…but even then he couldn’t see what was happening, you know?”

You hummed in understanding, noting the way he waited for your word. “Well…since the book is an allegory to the Russian revolution, Boxer is supposed to be the Russian working class. They weren’t dumb…just tricked into doing work, similar to Boxer.”

This time it was Jongseob’s turn to nod as he looked down at the book, and this time seeming to have a much better grasp on the conversation as the first time he came around. “It was…it was pretty alright. I think it’s cool he did that, the author.” Jongseob began as he looked up, his hands tapping on the counter as he spoke to you with intrigue.

“He made the revolution easy to understand through a story about…pigs. That’s pretty cool, honestly. Cause I definitely didn’t understand any of that in sch-…….” Jongseob was saying before he seemed to freeze, his expression going sheepish as he stopped himself from finishing his sentence. “Um, yeah. Good book.”

You couldn’t help but smile at the save. Clearly, before this book, he hadn’t had a clue what happened during any revolution for that matter. Yet he didn’t want to let you know that. Perhaps from embarrassment, or an attempt to impress you. For some very odd reason, you were hoping it was the latter. You motioned to the second book at the counter, “What about great gatsby?”

Jongseob blinked himself to his default before he put down Animal Farm, switching the subject to the second book he read. “That one was ... .it was…not complicated but…hard to sit though?” He said, looking up to meet your eyes to check if that hadn’t hopefully passed as a ‘it was majorly confusing.’ “It’s about…money, right? Or…how people obsess too much over it and stuff.”

You nodded eagerly in approval, happy that even if he could barely get through it, he at least took away the most important aspect of the book. “Yeah! It played with the ideas of old money and new money, but at the end of the day, money was a major theme.”

Jongseob’s shoulders relaxed as if he had passed a quiz, and he leaned against the counter with a less tense demeanor. “So the Gatsby guy, he threw all those parties for Daisy. But…I don’t know. How could he expect a girl he dated for a month to wait 5 years for him?”

You pondered the question. It typically wasn’t one people asked, but he had a point. “He thought their love was strong enough, I guess. Maybe it was at some point, but not when they met 5 years later.

His face contorted a bit, as his head tilted like a confused animal. “She clearly didn’t love Tom either.” He remarked, and it was amusing how the conversation could pass as two people discussing a cheesy romance novel.

You shrugged and hummed in agreement with him. “No, but, greater than the love she once had for Gatsby, she loved the wealth and status Tom could give her more.”

Jongseob scoffed standing straighter up as both his palms rested on the counter. It was nice to see someone feeling everything that Fitzgerald likely wanted the reader to feel from the book, but somehow comedic to see that Jongseob almost seemed to be taking it personally. “That’s fu-, I mean, that’s messed up. How weird do you have to be to choose that over love? Gatsby was loaded too. And then, letting Gatsby get killed for Myrtle's death, when she was driving? I don’t think she ever loved him, honestly.”

It wasn’t the first time you talked to someone about books like this, but maybe the first that it was to someone your age that looked like this and seemed to be just as into it as you are. That made it all the more exciting. “My favorite part of that book was the last chapter. I think it really ties it all together how Gatsby had all these socialites, luxury, material things around him, but no one came to his funeral. Really makes you think, right?”

Jongseob nodded, a small turn in the corner of his mouth as he looked at you. “Yeah, it really did.” Jongseob said as he slid the books across to you, “I guess I’ll…return these now.” He said with an expression you couldn’t quite place.

You took the books back with a smile, making quick work of scanning them as you spoke. “I hope my picks weren’t too boring, but…in terms of most ‘important’, those are definitely a must.”

He stood with a hand on his neck, staring at you with pursed lips as you finished scanning his books. “Is there…a section where I can find more…?”

Your eyes brightened as you looked up at him, processing his question before feeling a smile come across your face. “More? Ah…well, the classic literature shelf. That’s where these came from.”

If you weren’t reading him so intensely, you wouldn’t have noticed the red tinge of color on his complexion, as he ran a hand through his hair. “Could you show me where?”

It was such a simple request, but it made your body stutter, almost as if you were nervous. When really, this was simply another visitor of the public library who it was your job to help. There was really no need to be nervous. I mean, he was just a guy with a grunge look to him (and not importantly, a flustered mess) that came in looking like a problem, but turned out to be one of the most recipient and easiest people to converse with. Nothing special.

“Yeah! I can show you!” You said as you stood up, going around the counter to motion at Jongseob to follow you.

When he had reached you and you began to lead him, he was taller than you expected, reaching over you only a little, but enough for it to be noticed. But not important. Also unimportantly, he smelled clean with a certain musk to him, in a good way. Again, Unimportant.

Jongseob followed the few feet with his hands in his pockets, stopping abruptly just next to you as you stood in front of the beefy shelf with your hands spread out. “This is it! I can leave you to it.” You said, turning your head right to look at him, hitting ridiculously large brown eyes boring into you. “Or…help you, if you want…”

Jongseob looked at the shelf for a moment, without looking your way, speaking up. “I never got your name.”

That shouldn’t have made your heart momentarily race, but alas, it did. You kept your eyes on him as you answered, your hands hidden behind your back. “Oh…sorry! It’s y/n.”

He kept his eyes scanning over the many options, but it didn’t feel like he was looking at the books. More like he didn't yet want to look at you. He contemplated with himself for a moment, before quietly yet loud enough for you to hear, he spoke. “Y/n….”

“Show me your favorites.”

★彡

The weeks that followed were something of a blur. When Jongseob had returned home from his first visit to the library, he sprawled on the ground, just staring at his books. It was insane to him that he had walked in with the intention to boost his pride, but now that was the last thing on his mind.

All he could think about was a stupid side braid, glasses, and voice that shouldn’t have been running in his head that much.

Sometimes, you meet people who intrigue you so much that you want to talk to them endlessly, about anything and everything. But, that meant having the courage to engage in a conversation of that sort. Jongseob thought he was strong enough to fight past the initial nerves, but after his performance in the library, he clearly was not.

Besides, what would he talk to you about? He doubted you were interested in hearing about his douche band or the stupid thing he and his friends had done recently. Overall, he was certain it was a lost cause.

Jongseob sat up faster than ever when he realized something. Surely, a librarian would love to talk about books. And he had two in his possession that you had just recommended.

Suddenly, it seemed he had the motivation to sit himself down and force his eyes to take in every word of every page of the books you had recommended. And surprisingly, it was….not too bad? Animal Farm was a heck of an allegory (whatever that was) and The Great Gatsby used more big words than he thought was necessary, but managed to intrigue him nonetheless.

Jongseob made a point to b-line for the library as soon as he was finished to report back to you. After a conversation he’d never imagine he would have, he knew he was crazy. And not about the books.

It didn’t seem fair to him that someone could have such a comfortable voice when they spoke about something they liked, a perfect pink color when they seemed flustered, or an addictive crease of their eyes whenever they smiled.

He knew then he was going to be seeing much more of that library. (You.)

He took one recommendation after the next, to Of mice and men, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, The Metamorphosis, The Stranger, and whatever else he had read that he already lost track of.

With every book, he asked himself why he had always deemed he hated reading, when it’s actually not all that bad. The books were interesting, and even more so when he thought about the effort and creativity into writing one. He figured it wasn’t much different than music or performing (or graffiti art), someone has a vision and sees it through. Books were just an amped up version of that.

He was reading books front to back so often that he was seeing you frequently. So often you could tell it was him by the way the doors closed softer than usual, his clunky shoes and rattling chains echoing before you could even see him. So often he knew what your exact schedule was, when it was the best time to see you. So often that everytime he came, grinning with that snaggletooth, it made your whole face warm in a fuzzy feeling. So often that you’d recommend the shorter books you knew he would fly through easier, so he would come back sooner.

And when reading a whole book and returning it wasn’t frequent enough, he started to come in just to ask you about whatever part he’s read so far. He was hesitant at first, because surely you would know by that point that there was more to it than just expanding his literary knowledge. Yet, when he came in and asked you to explain a chapter of The Metamorphosis, catching you as you were busy stashing books back on their respective shelves, you stared at him blankly for a few seconds.

He was certain you were weirded out to your core, but then that candy pink glow was back, and you smiled down at the floor before looking at him with these stupidly big brown eyes.

“Do you actually have a question, or did you just want to talk to me?”

Jongseob’s breath hitched, and surely he looked pathetic as he clammily fumbled with the book in his hands, his entire body on fire.

“Can’t it be both?”

There was no library big enough to fit all the books he would read just to see your face light up as you talked about the things you loved, which he quickly came to know were more than just books. You also liked listening to music (not the kind his band makes, which totally didn’t hurt his feelings), taking strolls through the city while listening to said music, thrifting for clothes at second hand stores and loving finding pieces that remind you of ‘grandma clothing’, and stargazing. One of your favorite spots being the grassy hill in town that was barely tall enough that if you angled yourself in just the right position, you couldn’t see the bustling streets under it, just the stars that were bright enough to shine.

Although he was hesitant at first, Jongseob opened up to you as well. He told you about his band and their hip-hop/noise music/all-over-the-place style. His love for wearing dark, layered clothes and chains. He told you about how much he likes to rap and write his own, how it’s the way he met his friends in the first place. Speaking of his friends, he let you in on the delinquency that they’re often caught up in, that he claimed he wasn’t that proud of with a smirk on his face.

As he explained to you that being dubbed the “worst” in his friend group was the reason why he picked up reading, he was nervous that you would see him differently. Up until then, although you may have had your speculations, he was just a guy with a much different aesthetic compared to yours that happened to share the same interest in books. But, he felt he knew you well enough to know that you wouldn’t criticize him like that, and he was proven right when you only giggled at the thought.

“That’s impressive, though. Really, there aren’t many people who can recognize that they need to read a little more. I’m glad they teased you for it. After all, how would we have become friends?”

Jongseob needed a long breather after you said that one. For many reasons, the most pressing, the word friends.

It excited him, but discouraged him all the same. He was pleasantly surprised that someone like you would consider him a friend, even knowing everything you got to know about him the past two months or so. He was also discouraged, because it’s exactly what he was to you.

A friend doesn’t inch closer to you as you sit on the table, just so he could take in your warmth and scent a little better. A friend doesn’t have the image of you pushing up your glasses as you talk to him imprinted in his mind. A friend doesn’t find himself zoning out on a conversation about the book he just read, taking dangerously long glances at pink lips, wondering what it would feel like if he just-

No, a friend wouldn’t do any of this. Yet that’s all you were to him.

Jongseob knows he’s not exactly the best at NOT wearing his emotion on his sleeves. You were also the smartest person he had ever known, not an idiot that would miss the psychological clues he can’t hide about how he has the fattest crush on you.

It would be one thing if you made it clear that you weren’t interested, but…you never gave that impression in the slightest. If anything, sometimes he wondered if the way your cheeks would go from shades of red and pink was for everybody, or just him. He wondered if he wasn’t actually seeing things when he swore in the corner of his eye you would stare at him until he looked back up.

These were the thoughts that had been racking his mind, running every scenario, every glance, every desire in dizzying circles. Surely, you had to have at least thought about it before, right? He didn’t know, and he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself and ruin something so great by asking you. So, he decided he would wait for a signal— whatever that was—to let him know he was actually in. In the meantime, he’d have to settle with only being your friend.

Today, he found himself in the narrow space of two tall bookshelves. Jongseob sat against one side with his legs tucked, flicking his pen back and forth through his hands as a beat poured through his headphones. Of course, you sat on the opposite side, your book propped up against your knee with that look of focus that came up every time you read. He tried not to pay attention to the way both of your legs were centimeters from touching, or else probably explode.

The both of you were waiting for the library to clear out as it closed to the public, having made plans to go to a cafe downtown. It had become somewhat of a routine to leave the library and do something fun every week. He didn’t have to wait with you, but he found that you were the type of person that even comfortable silence was enjoyable. It even made him focus better.

So, Jongseob sat engrossed in the notebook in his lap, reading over lyrics that he had written down so far and bobbing his head along. He had made pretty good progress after he finally managed to stop himself from sneaking glances at you. He was too engrossed though, to the point where he hadn’t noticed the library go even more pin silent then it already was as you and him were the only ones left. Or the way you had put your book down and were staring at him after you had called his name twice with no answer.

He noticed when your hand reached out and pulled one of his earbuds out however, and his heart nearly stopped at how gently you did it, and how closely leaned in you were as you smiled at him. “Is the song that good?” You teased.

He held his breath until you backed away, letting out a shaky exhale as the distance he was accustomed to returned, and he could finally return the grin as he took out the other earbud. “Sorry, sorry. I don’t know how I missed you.” He said as he used his ring littered hands to roll up the earbuds and put them in his bag next to him. “It’s not a song…just a beat. We wanna play a new song for the gig I told you about in two weeks but...I’ve been stumped. Couldn’t write a single lyric until now.”

You hummed in understanding, pushing a strand of hair out of your face as you tried to peek at his notebook. “Did you get a lot done?”

Jongseob nodded with a proud grin, his lips slightly pursed, holding up his notebook to show you the lyrics he had written, only his beaming eyes visible behind it.

You nodded with slightly wide eyes leaning in to skim over some of the words, and an endeared smile on your face as you looked at the doodles littered around the writing. “That’s pretty good! 2 verses there at least.” You said with a small clap as Jongseob put his notebook away as well, returning his attention back to you.

“What about you? How was your book?” He asked, tilting his head to try and read the title, which you noted looked a lot like a cat.

You handed your book to him adorned with a black cat bookmark, so he could read it himself. You were reading A Midsummer’s Night Dream. “I like it so far! It’s actually a play, remember I told you William Shakspeare is most famous for those?”

Jongseob hummed, nodding his head as he looked at you intently as you began your rant, “Yeah, the guy who wrote Romeo and Juliet, right?”

You nod as he handed you the book back, flipping through the pages carelessly as you spoke. “That’s the one. One day, we have to work you up to read one of his plays. They really are amazing. If I ever write something, I want it to be so meaningful it’s still important hundreds of years later, you know? That’s always been the dream, to say something in my writing and have so many people listen.”

Jongseob watched as you trailed off into your own thoughts as you stared down at the book, that familiar twinkle in your eye as you thought about your future, your goals, how you knew exactly what you wanted. It was one of the many things he liked about you, and at that moment it brought a strange heart-sinking feeling. He sighed as he shook himself off. “What’s it about?”

You broke out of your trance as you heard the question, perking up as started another passionate conversation. “Well, it’s a comedic play, and it’s got a lot of different themes, like magic…dreams…jealousy…but the main one is love, or how it’s difficult.”

Jongseob is suddenly paying more attention now. “Difficult?”

You nod as you search for your next words. “Mhm! The plot of the story revolves around a love potion, where the characters fall for each other based on their looks and nothing else. A main point though is when love is…out of balance. So, like a romantic relationship that is interfered with by the differences or inequalities of two people.”

Jongseob was listening to what you were saying, but his brain was processing it differently. Dissecting each and every word, and this time his face of adoration and focus on you was laced with something else you were too busy to name.

“Like… these two characters,” you continue as you talk with your hands. “Bottom and Titania. Titania is beautiful and graceful and this enigma, while Bottom is clumsy and ugly, but she still falls in love with him. Well, because of the potion, but still goes to show that imbalance. Listen to this quote, I really liked it,”

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged cupid painted blind.”

Jongseob hates the way he felt, the way that he couldn’t look at you now, but there was a clear thought that invaded his mind and kept eating away at it. He stayed quiet and solemn long enough for you to notice, and as soon as you went to ask him if he was alright, he beat you to it.

“I’m…your friend, right? You like me?”

There was a pin drop silence added to the already dead silent library, but it was loud. All Jongseob could hear was the blood rushing through his head as he looked at your confused and wide eyes.

Your expression twisted slightly in confusion as you looked at him, swallowing before answering. “What? Of…of course I like you. You’re my friend.”

Jongseob’s knuckles went white as he gripped his bag tight. You had seen many emotions on his expressive face, but never this, never one that looked so defeated.

You could barely process what that meant as he stood up, throwing his bag on his back as he looked down at you. “I have to go. Sorry, Y/n.”

He started walking away before you could even register it, sliding your book off your lap as hurriedly stumbled to your feet, staring at his back with nothing but a sinister mixture of confusion and frustration. “Seob, wait! What happened?” You questioned, your voice raising the loudest it ever has in that room.

A part of you wanted to go after him, grill him and insist that he told you what was wrong, what made him feel that way. But Jongseob was already exiting the door, too fast to even consider it, and something told you he wouldn’t tell you anyway.

Since you met Jongseob, all you had been met with was a cheeky smile and a rosy fluster, all your favorite images of him. This time however, the only one that ran through your mind was the way he had just looked at you.

Like he had lost something.

★彡

monday, 8:34pm

y/n (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶): hi jongseob. i haven’t seen you since sunday. you left pretty upset. if you need to talk, you know you’re always welcome

wednesday, 10:09am

y/n (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶): good morning seob, please remember my last message. you know what times i’ll be here

friday, 11:08pm

y/n (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶): at least let me know that you’re alright.

It was a pretty standard Saturday night. Jongseob’s friends in the upstairs of Theo’s home, probably eating pizza or pregaming for a party, Jongseob and Shota sprawled on the bean bag chairs, blasting music.

The only difference might be the big fat book in Jongseob’s hands.

He doesn’t know why he’s still reading, when he had given up on ever having a chance with you. Yet here he was, Sense and Sensibility on its 162nd page, even rejecting Shota’s advances to play Mario Kart instead.

The last time he had seen you, something that he had been trying to avoid so long had dawned on him. He liked you. So much. To the point where sometimes it was debilitating. Likely chances were that you could possibly like him as well.

That wasn’t what he had been avoiding, however. Jongseob was very certain of that fact. He realized why he was only ever going to be your friend. You were just like Tatania—or whatever her name was—smart, goal oriented, knew what you wanted, and god. So, so beautiful.

Meanwhile, Jongseob was just that other guy. Sure, maybe he wasn’t the ugliest, he likes to think he does pretty well for himself. He also wasn’t terribly clumsy like the character from the play.

In real life however, he was a total failure in your light. Getting high on the weekends and drifting around with his friends for the hell of it. Holding onto this false idea of being able to make a band work as a career one day. And although it is a long, complicated, and layered story, he had in fact been in the back of a cop car once.

The both of you were a real life version of a love “out of balance.” Hearing those words verbalized by you without you even realizing it had shattered down all the walls he put up attempting to mask that very truth.

The way you had spoken about love being about the mind was another deafening blow. It would make sense that someone like you would want someone sophisticated, well spoken, mature. No, it was what you deserved.

It had dawned on him that he probably wasn’t any of these things to you.

He had to leave that day. Had he not, he would have broken down on the spot. So he did what he felt was right, and valiantly exited out.

Or at least, he thinks it’s right. He doesn’t know. He’s read your messages, wondered how you must be feeling, and he becomes conflicted all over again.

Like now, when the mere recollection of the events of the past week had caused him to groan and flop back, shutting his book as he looked over at Shota, eyes glued to the TV with a disposable weed pen and the switch controller in his hands.

He sighed as he sat back, staring at the book in his lap. The words were too big anyway, and there was a lot going on that he needed help dissecting. Knowing just the person who could help made it ten times worse

He didn’t know if he had made the right choice. The only thing certain is that he hardly deserved you as a friend. Let alone a lover.

Jongseob sighed before sitting up straighter, putting his book on the table next to him, his arms on his knees. “Shota, let me borrow your pen.”

Shota glanced over at Jongseob quickly, before turning back to the Mario Kart screen to pause it. Then, looking back at Jongseob again with an Incredulous look on his face. He put down his controls, before turning around and cupping his face, screaming, “Steph!!! Come down here!!”

As Shota turned back to Jongseob, Jongseob gave him a look of annoyance and confusion, to which the other boy only shrugged and continued his game.

Keeho came down the stairs mere moments later, scanning the basement until it landed on both boys. “What is it, Sho?”

“Jongseob’s trying to get high out of his mind again.” Shota said, not once taking his eyes off the screen.

Jongseob groaned as Keeho walked up to them, throwing his head back in annoyance. “All of a sudden everyone’s trying to be saints.”

Keeho sighed as he sat on a stool, shaking his head at him. “And you’re trying to be dead. Theo told me you’ve been loitering around down here getting high all damn week with that book.” He said, nodding to Jane Austen’s novel on the table. “Something’s up.”

Jongseob sighed, averting his gaze from Keeho to the Mario Kart screen. “Nothing is up. I just… wanna get high more. That’s all.”

Keeho rolled his eyes, boring them right back into Jongseob. “Last time you felt like that turns out you were sulking over that stupid game you play. Spill.”

Jongseob shook his head in a soft motion, looking down at the floor. “It’s nothing. It’s stupid.”

Keeho stayed quiet for a moment, before speaking up again. “So…it’s a girl.”

Jongseob buried his hands in his face, hearing the game of Mario Kart pause once again as four eyes bored into him now. “God…why do you always jump to the furthest conclusion?”

Keeho scoffed, shaking Jongseob by the shoulders a bit. “But I didn’t this time. It’s a girl. You think we don’t notice how you disappear for hours? Try to dress nicer, wear cologne? Read those books?”

Jongseob rubbed his eyes, looking at the ceiling, sighing in defeat. He had reached a point where he couldn’t deny it even if he tried with the way Shota and Keeho were burning holes into him. Even if he was able to, there was something strangely comforting about his cover being blown. Like he was given the chance to at least get a small weight off his chest.

“Maybe…there is a girl.” Jongseob murmured, his hand tracing down his eyes as they fluttered shut and all he could see was you.

“Don’t leave out anything.” Keeho said, leaning in closer to make sure he heard every word. It was rare that Jongseob was ever this distraught.

Jongseob didn’t even know where to begin, how to cover everything he had felt in the past few months. So, he simply decided to let his thoughts blurt out in whatever order they came in, and go from there. “She…She’s perfect.”

His breath went on shaky as his scramble of words continued. “She works at the library. I only met her because all of you made fun of me, saying I’m the biggest slack and idiot, I needed to prove that wrong. I was only supposed to read one or two books. But…she was there. So smart and nice and god–way too pretty. How could I not like her?”

Jongseob swallowed a lump in his throat as he sat up, his head dangled to the ground. “So I just kept reading so I could talk to her. And it wasn’t bad, I liked it. I liked her more. We became friends eventually, and I kept telling myself…maybe I had a chance. We spent so much time together, got along well, so maybe…she’d like me back one day.”

“I was with her last sunday and I just stormed out. I just…I realized that I can never be more than just her friend. I just can’t.”

Keeho and Shota exchanged glances as they processed his words, with the latter finally speaking as he cleared his throat. “So she rejected you?”

Jongseob shook his head with a frustrated sigh, his emotions whirling faster the more he had to relive this. “No, no. I haven’t even officially told her that I like her.”

The room was quiet a little longer, the silence heavy and brooding as the other two in the room were confused. Keeho breathed in and out before speaking. “So…why can you never be more than her friend?”

If Jongseob had 10% more of a problem with anger issues, or if it was in his nature, he’d get up and yell it in their faces. He didn’t though, and he didn’t have the energy to make it a grand thing either. So, his words could only be described as a pathetic, whiny, ramble.

“You won’t get it. Unless you know her like I do. She’s so kind…even to someone like me. The smartest person I’ve met. She’s got such a drive, determination, and knows what she wants in the future. The prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. She’s perfect. And me? I smoke and drink and I do stupid shit when I’m with you guys. I’m in a band thinking I’ll make it far in life that way. And even though it’s gotten better now, I must be the dumbest guy on earth. You guys were right, I really had never picked up a book. And as much as I try to match her, I won’t get there. She’s perfect, and I’m not even average. Not even good.”

If he could exit his body and slap himself for laying out all of his insecurities, he would. It was too late now, however. So it wouldn’t hurt anyone for Jongseob to say everything he had been wanting to.

“It’s not that we can’t be anything more than friends. Who knows, maybe we could. It’s just that I don’t deserve to be anything more with her.”

It was all embarrassing for Jongseob. The silence of Keeho and Shota, the way that whole monologue sounded somehow even more pathetic aloud than in his head, the way he couldn’t look anyone in the eye. He thought to himself this is why he didn’t say anything from the beginning.

“All that stuff I said about you being ‘the worst’ of us all, do you really believe it?”

Jongseob looked up from the floor, finding Shota had scooted closer, and Keeho was looking at him with a sincerity he rarely got from his friends as they had always been lighthearted with each other.

“I mean…it makes sense. I kind of am.”

Keeho sighed, rubbing the back of his neck with a shake of his head. “First of all, I was blasted out of my mind when I said that. You know we shouldn’t take any of each other’s words seriously by that point.” Keeho explained with a scolding look in his eye. “Second of all, you are not some lowlife drifter, Seob. Well…maybe on occasion, you are. But you know what you also are? The youngest.”

Jongseob was looking at him with questioning eyes, his lip caught in his teeth as he listened to his older friend speak.

“Jongseob, you’re only 19. I can assure you, Theo and I were doing much worse at that age. Sure, you get into some trouble, enjoy some things you shouldn’t enjoy,” Keeho said, as he looked over to grab the disposable in Shota’s hand and pocket it away. “But that doesn’t take away from the good qualities that landed you five friends that see you as family. You may be rough around the edges, but deep down you’re a good kid. You’re nice when it counts, passionate about the things you like. Total cutie, too. Right, Sho?”

Jongseob searched Keeho’s face for any deceit, finding none. He was only more reassured when he looked over to Shota, finding him nodding eagerly.

“And trust me, you have all the time in the world to grow into that identity and retire that delinquent title. And I know you will when you’re ready.” Keeho said, a small smile on the corner of his lips. “So don’t push what sounds like an amazing girl away because you’re still figuring your shit out. Who knows, she probably sees the same things in you that we do. If she’s as nice and smart as you say she is, she’ll hold her own against a jerk like you if that’s what she wants. You deserve it just as much as any other asshole.”

It was always strange how his friends had the power to turn Jongseob’s mood in a complete 180. Because now he was smiling, and suddenly the cloud of moodiness and a sour mix of emotions hovering over him the past few months had started to clear, and the words Keeho had said made much more sense than Jongseob’s little outburst.

“Shota…Hyung…Thank you. I needed someone to tell me that.” Jongseob said, taking a deep breath as he sat up straight.

Keeho smiled, reaching over to fluff up Jongseob’s blonde hair. “You still have a problem, though. Have you talked to her since sunday?”

The momentarily lifted weight off Jongseob’s shoulders returned once again, and he sighed as he rubbed his eyes. “Fuck. I haven’t. I doubt she wants anything to do with me at this point.”

Keeho shook his head as he stood up, grabbing Jongseob by his shoulders. “No, shut up. You can still fix it, it just has to be now.”

Jongseob looked up at him with his eyebrows in a furrow. “Now? As in…right now?”

Shota took the keys out of his pocket, throwing them over to Jongseob. “Take the car.”

Keeho dragged Jongseob to his feet, throwing a nearby hoodie at him as he grabbed him like a coach talking to his quarterback before the game. “Don’t think about it. Just go. Before it’s too late.”

Jongseob could barely process throwing the hoodie on, his blonde hair messy as he was pushed out of the house by Keeho and Shota, and suddenly he was driving.

Jongseob had a new mindset, but his palms were sweating, sliding around on the steering wheel. He knew he needed to see you, but he wasn’t sure what he would say. He told himself it had to be the truth, and only the truth. It was what you deserved. All he had to do was find you now.

He drove by the library, but as he glanced at the time, it was already 7:30. It had been closed for half an hour, and it looked completely locked up already.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel, asking himself where you could be. His eyes lit up as he remembered something, the car making a quick U-turn as he drove the direction he had just come from.

Mere minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of the local park, making swift work of stumbling out and locking the car behind him. Jongseob started walking towards the back of the park, his legs tiring out as he started slowly going uphill. The city’s best spot for stargazing, the one you loved.

Even though he wasn’t sure you’d be there, he kept going anyway. It was a pretty good guess, and it proved to be right as more stars and less city came into view, and you sat there with your legs close to your chest as you looked up.

As he reached the top, a foot came down too loud, loud enough for it startle you out of your thoughts. You turned around initially anxious, almost immediately standing up, but your face softened once you made it out to be him. “Jongseob? What are you doing here?”

He took a couple quick breaths as he stood in front of you, breathless for many different reasons and taking in the face he had missed seeing. “Looking for you.” He said quietly, his eyes starstruck.

“I haven’t heard from you in a while…what happened? Are you alright?”

Jongseob sighed, nodding his head as he pursed his lips. “I can’t believe I ghosted you for a week and you’re still worried about me. I’m fine, Y/n. I just had to sort through some things.”

“I’m just worried about what happened the last time we saw each other. You left pretty angry, I don’t know if I said or did something.” You said, your hands clammy as you played with them, looking up at him.

Jongseob was just frustrated now, his hands falling to his sides. “No, god, no. You could never do anything wrong.”

Your insistence continued. “It had to have been something. Was it the friend thing? Because I-..” is all you managed to get out, before suddenly a palm was pressed against your mouth.

Jongseob was only left with the option of looking into your eyes, the ones always so big and vibrant and currently weren’t helping the nerves coursing through his body. “You did nothing wrong. I’m the stupid one.”

He slowly pulled his hand back, looking for the courage within himself as he looked at you. Confused, Anxious, probably shivering a bit, wearing a jacket way too light for the time of night. So beautiful. As if you only got prettier the more he looked and if he kept looking he was bound to die a blissful death. He finally took a deep breath, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“You know, I like you, right? So much. As in way more than a friend?”

Your face flushed red, a tint seen even with how dark it was. You swallowed before answering. “Um…I had…an idea.”

He chuckled as he looked at his shoes quickly looking back up to make his eyes meet yours again. “I have ever since I first met you. I like you so much you made me finish a chapter book for the first time in years.”

“That day, when you were talking about that Shakespeare play, I couldn’t stop thinking about how it sounded just like us. Like we were that one out of balance couple. We’re so…different. It made me think, It could never work.

Jongseob was quiet for a moment, choosing his words carefully. “Compared to you, I’m a total doof. I’ve only barely started reading, I like to do dumb things with other dumb people. I skip college to write dumb songs with my friends, and I never figured out what I want to be when I grow up. And to me, you’re so perfect in every way imaginable. My complete polar opposite.”

Jongseob stepped closer, without even realizing it, his eyes big and pleading. “Maybe we are out of balance, maybe every norm or tradition or whatever isn’t in line with this. I realized now that I don’t mind. If you’d let me, I’d do everything to make it work. To show you that no matter how out of balance, it could work. I don’t care if it doesn’t make sense, all the best things never do.”

Your lips quivered a bit, looking at him with your whole body hot. Never in your life did you think you would be living out a love story that you could only fathom reading over and over. And not with the unruly grunge guy that had walked in the library months ago that you had pining for since.

You wiped your sweaty hands on your clothes, swallowing before you started talking. “A midsummer’s night dream was also about…how love looks with the mind, not the eyes.” You began, your voice a little shaky as you tried your best to look him in the eye. “Since I met you…I knew behind the exterior and the stuff you usually get into, you were a good person.”

You smiled as you recalled the first time he came in. “You’re always so expressive, I can read every emotion off your face. You’re curious, always asking questions. Patient, kind, passionate, charismatic. I could keep going, but all this to say,”

“I wouldn’t like you too if I didn’t think we went well together, despite all the differences.”

Jongseob took another step forward, and swears that even if you pinched him, he still wouldn’t believe any of this is real. The way that you looked at him with an adoration and warmth that had always been there. The way the wind slightly rustled your hair and his, proving that the both of you were here. Finally, he spoke softly. “You’re serious?”

You giggled a bit, nodding as you held both of your hands out. “I’m very serious. I like you a lot.”

He took your hands, looking down at them with incredulous brown eyes. They were softer than he could’ve made them out to be in any daydream. Gulping, he asked a question he had been dying to ask since that very first day.

“Y/n…please, can I kiss you?”

His lips were on yours before you knew it. And much to your surprise, it tasted a lot like a fruit punch.

☆彡

It had been a week since you and Jongseob had made up, and consequently a week since you started dating. After he had driven you home, he hurriedly popped the question as he hung out the passenger side window, like if he didn’t ask at that moment, there’d never be another chance. And of course, you agreed.

Today was your first date, which ended up being the show he and his band were playing. You stuck out like a sore thumb in a crowd of people dressed just like your boyfriend and his friends, the best outfit you could muster being a brown sweater and a denim skirt with doc martens.

You had never been to a small local show, but the energy from the crowd and the band, the setlist and the lights, everything tied together into being an enjoyable first experience.

You and Jongseob were now gathered around him and his rowdy friends at the back of the venue. You initially were only there to meet his friends, but it turned into a hangout of sorts. A few drinks and cigarettes caused a cheery conversation as they rode through an after show high.

You and Jongseob sat on a step with you watching as he and Shota played a game of cards. Shota kept beating him, even as you tried to whisper tips in his ear.

After a while, it was getting late, and after sitting for some time, you were a bit tired. Your head leaning on his shoulder as your energy started to dial down. On top of that, you also had to go to the bathroom.

You tapped Jongseob’s hand, whispering in his ear. “Can you come with me to the bathroom?”

Jongseob nodded, handing his cards to Shota as he shot up, giving you a hand. “Course. I’ll be back, guys.”

He took your hand, leading you through the empty venue, all the way to the bathroom, where he waited outside for you to be finished.

He smiled at you as you came out, noting the slightly more tired smile he got back from you. He put his hand out, wanting you to come closer. “I’m sorry. You’re tired. I’m the designated driver for some of these guys, though.”

You took his hands, pulled into a hug as his hands settled on your waist. “It’s okay,” you told him, your hand reaching up to pinch his cheek. “I get it.”

He chuckled at you, his eyes full of love and a completely smitten look. “I never got to tell you that you look really pretty today.”

His compliment sent a shiver down your spine, every word of endearment being so new still. “I didn’t get to tell you that you looked really good on stage tonight.”

It was Jongseob’s turn to be flustered as his cheeks washed pink, and like he had been doing since he first got a feel for them, he couldn’t stop looking at your lips. “Can I kiss you?”

You giggled, your hand already resting on his face in preparation. “I told you, you don’t have to ask.”

He titled his head, leaning closer as he smirked down at you. “Gotta be a gentleman, right?”

His lips came down on yours soft at first, softly molding them onto his as he got a feel for them. You swear he was trying to memorize every crevice and curve. But, as you put your hands over his own that laid on your waist, dragging them up and down in permission to let him feel, the air shifted.

He gasped shakily on your mouth, in such a needy way that shouldn’t have made your body go hot. He took the reigns of letting his hands run up from your sides all the way down to plump skin that drove him crazy being able to touch.

It wasn’t long before both of your tongues had made their way to each other, and suddenly it was evident to both of you there was something entirely different about this kiss. His hands were all over you, and yours tracing patterns on his chest and arms. There was a newfound lust in this one that both of you couldn’t deny

Yeah, this was different. If it wasn’t clear from the way you were pressing into him. And when you pressed too hard, he let out a soft moan in your mouth that shook you to your core.

He pulled away abruptly, his hands on your shoulders as he stared at you breathless, with new pink lips and a need in his eyes.

You wanted to complain about the distance, but before you could, he was fishing for his car keys in his pocket, his other hand intertwining with yours. “Let’s go to my house.”

Your eyebrows contorted, looking him up and down. “Why? You still have to drive your friends home.”

“They’ll figure it out.” He said, finally pulling out his keys and jangling them in front of you. “Besides…,I can’t fuck you here.”

Your heart skipped a beat as he started pulling you out, but you followed him wordlessly. His friends noticed quickly as you both walked out, Jongseob with a mission to get you to his house as soon as he could. One of them called out—Intak if you remember correctly—noting the way he didn’t stop. “Seob! Where are you going? How do we get home?”

“Get an Uber!” He yelled without looking back, as you turned around and mouthed a small ‘Sorry!’ with a wave.

Jongseob wasted no time in opening the door for you and driving off as soon as you were buckled in. The car pulled out of its parking spot and his hand almost instinctively found its way to your thigh, rubbing the exposed skin your skirt showed in a way that he had to know was making you squirm.

The drive was agonizingly slow, his hand kept running down and getting dangerously close to where you were starting to yearn for him. “Are we…almost there?” You asked a little breathless only a few minutes in, although it had felt like hours.

Jongseob glanced over at you quickly, swallowing thickly at the sight of you clearly impatient for what was to come. “Soon, Y/n. Just a little longer, angel.”

He made it a point to go faster, as fast as he could without it being borderline dangerous. When he finally reached his house, the tires quietly screeched with how fast he pulled in, and the car was off and in park before you could blink.

His hand disconnected from your thigh, and already his absence was felt. He barely made it around to open your door as you stumbled out as well.

“My parents are asleep.” Jongseob announced, as he led you to the doorstep. You kept a grab on his jacket as he fumbled with his house keys. The more desperate he got, the harder it was to get them to function.

Eventually, the door opened quietly, and he used the same quietness to lock it behind you. After you had both discarded your shoes, with a swift motion his hand was in yours again as he plopped his keys on the table, leading you to his room.

His room was so unbelievably him. Scattered with posters of his favorite rock and indie bands, the biggest being a ‘Plastic Beach’ by the Gorillaz in the dead center. Messy and dark bedding, his gaming consoled all over. What had caught your eyes first, was the book you had just checked out to him, neatly stacked on his nightstand.

His room—that smelled only a little like weed—was the least of your concern, however. Not when he plopped himself on his bed, immediately pulling you on his lap to straddle on top of him as his lips crashed onto yours.

His hands only had gotten more adventurous, his whines less and less contained as his tongue immediately found yours again.

You felt like you were heaving into the kiss, it was all too much. The way his mouth danced with yours, your hands grabbing onto his neck, his own gripping at your ass in a way that made you question if this was your boyfriend. Too much, yet you wanted so much more.

Jongseob had started tugging at the hem of your sweater, but before he did anything, he pulled away from the kiss, a string of saliva between you both. He looked up at you doe-eyed and out of breath, the sight ethereal. “Do you want this? I’ll stop right now if you don’t.”

You couldn’t have nodded faster, your hips starting to move on their own. “Yeah, of course I do. Please, Seob.”

Jongseob didn’t need to hear anything else as his hands started to get rid of your sweater, swiftly throwing off his own shirt afterwards. All you were left in was your bra, but he didn’t so much as glance, he couldn’t until he knew you were fine. “You need to tell me if you ever want to stop, Y/n.”

You nodded as his hands finally went to your back, fumbling with the clasps of your bra for a moment before you reached back, helping him get it off faster.

As it was thrown with the rest of the clothes, his eyes glazed over you, his face hot. Something in his expression that looked like he wanted to consume you. “Fuck…Y/n. You’re perfect. So, so perfect.” Jongseob said breathlessly as his lips found your neck.

Jongseob started peppering kisses wherever his heart desired, his hands reaching up to hesitantly cup your chest. “This okay?” He breathed against you, with you only giving him a shaky ‘yeah’ in response.

His touch felt like a trail of fire, and every kiss, every squeeze, brought a soft moan from your boyfriend, his thoughts spilling out in soft chants. “My Y/n…so perfect…so pretty.”

The kissing, the hickeys, the squeezing, it was all euphoric. But with every bit he gave you, you only needed more. Jongseob was too entranced in feeling your every curve to notice. It was only when your hips rolled into him on their lonesome that he was brought to life, a whine leaving his mouth.

You tried catching your breath before looking him in the eye, your heart beating out of its place. “Jongseob…please…I really…need you.”

If everything hadn’t driven him off the edge by now, your pleading did, and he nodded as he reached down for the zipper of your skirt, wasting no time in fulfilling your wish. “I’m taking these off, okay angel? Lift your hips for me.”

You listened to his requests, your lip caught in your teeth as the both of you worked on getting off your pants and the panties that you had soaked through long ago.

Jongseob looked at you as his hand reached down, placing a soft kiss on your lips as you finally felt his hand on your throbbing cunt. “Let me know if I need to stop. I need to prep you first.”

Your face was buried in the crook of his neck as his hand explored you, and despite not having the most experience, he learned quickly. His thumb found your bundle of nerves, tracing soft circles as he listened and studied your every reaction, his free hand roaming up and down your back. It was only a matter of seconds before he found your entrance, already slick with arousal as he inserted one finger in, pressing and running it against your walls.

“Does that feel good?” He asked softly.

You wondered why he even had to ask, especially when you were practically melting in his arms, your body shivering. “It does.” You said in a pant, your desperate voice going straight in his ear and down to his core.

“I’ll do another.” He announced, inserting a second finger.

He kept his thumb on your clit, continuing those small circles, as he moved his two fingers to press and pump them in and out of you, spreading them wider to loosen you up from time to time. As he did, he continued watching and listening to your quiet moans and sounds of pleasure, sounds that told him he was doing something right.

You were a mess at that point, your body even pressing down into him as he became more rigorous. “Seob…it feels good.”

Jongseob placed a kiss on your head, the sight of you falling apart over him driving him insane. “I know, Y/n. I know, angel. You’re doing good.”

It only took a little longer before your body started to tremble, your walls contracting over his fingers, and Jongseob knew you were close. He pulled his hand away, leaving you whining as you sighed. “Seob…” You begged, “Why’d you stop?”

He leaned in to kiss your forehead, his cheeks red with all the blood rushing through him. “Sorry, angel. I want us to cum together.”

That was a request you couldn’t deny him, and you held onto him tight as he leaned over to open his dresser, pulling out a condom Jiung had given him for ‘emergencies.’ He’d definitely have to explain that to you later.

He held the condom between his teeth as he reached for his belt buckle, pulling it off as you used your knees to hover above him, helping him pull them off. When his dick was finally out, it was leaking at the tip, painfully hard due to everything that had just happened.

Jongseob ripped the condom with his teeth, and you took the rubber to place it on yourself. He gulped at the sight, his breath growing shakier the more excited he got. “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Once it was on, you situated yourself just above him, his hands finding your hips. “I told you, Seob. I’m sure.” You said, leaning in to place a soft yet deep kiss on his lips.

You grabbed onto his shoulders as he smiled up at you. “We’ll go as slow as you need.”

You didn’t want to wait anymore, neither of you did. Slowly, you sank down onto him, Jongseob helping guide you all the way. Taking the tip and going further, his sounds growing more and more pathetic as he bottomed out, the both of you stifling moans.

He threw his head back in an overwhelmed state, his chest heaving. “Fuck…You okay?” He asked, noting the way the corner of your eyes pricked with tears.

“I’m okay, Seob. Just give me a minute, s’too much.” You breathed, your hands tugging a little at his hair.

Jongseob nodded, his body trembling for friction as he held you down on him. “God…it’s…you’re….so tight around me.”

A few moments later, the weird pressure had subsided, and all the both of you wanted was to move. Jongseob looked both as if he was nervous to hurt you and the feeling of you was too much. It didn’t stop you from rolling your hips, though, looking at him with a look that told him everything he wanted to know.

Jongseob shuddered at your sudden movement, taking the hint to start moving. He helped lift your hips up and down onto him, all while your body involuntarily rolled into him by itself.

The pace picked up, and so did the pleasure. In this position, every subtle movement had his dick reaching as deep as it could go, making your brain go foggy and your moans threaten to get louder. Jongseob wasn’t any better. Every time he dragged against your gummy walls, every roll of your hips, his mind would go blank, and all he could do was place small kisses on your neck. “Y/n…feels so good…way too good.”

You had to bite down on your lip. Not only was he fucking you right, he was whining all the way through it. Going crazy at the feeling, at the way you made him feel. And it only instilled a desire in you to go even harder as you started to bounce up and down on him.

Jongseob’s breath hitched, and he had to bite down on your neck at your sudden movements. “Sh…Shit. Y/n, you can’t do that.” He said through pants, the sound only fueling your fire.

“Can’t stop.” You moaned a little too loud in his ear.

All inhibitions in the both of you had snapped by then. You kept riding him like it was never enough, Jongseob’s hands and lips touching everywhere, all of you, and he could barely keep the both of you up.

It wasn’t long before that familiar pit bubbled in your stomach, and this time Jongseob felt your walls clench around him. You were close, your movements sloppier and your pants and moans erratic.

Jongseob wasn’t far off himself, and he held onto the smallest part of your back as he helped you get there. “Cum, Y/n, My perfect girl. Do it on me. Please.”

His words and the look of lust on his face was all that you needed to finally get there, stifling your sounds in his neck as your whole body reached an impossible high.

Jongseob reached his own climax as you rode out yours, his hips rolling into yours one last time as you had the pleasure of hearing all of his heightened whines and gasps right in your very ear.

His body gave out, and unable to hold up the both of you, falling onto his bed as he slipped out of you.

As you both came to your senses, catching your breaths and reliving everything that had just happened, you scooted off of him, only your head lying on his chest as you listened to his slowing heartbeat.

Jongseob was the first to break the silence with a giggle.

You sat up a bit, looking at the smirk on his face. “What?”

“Nothing, Y/n. It’s stupid.”

“Just really glad I finally started reading.”

[flower-boi16]

I think what's actually alarming about Helluva Boss and Vivziepop is that the shower suffers from heavy creator-fan enmeshment, and the writers/Vivziepop don't see themselves as the problem for it. It's like they see themselves as the victims, too, while encouraging their fandom's toxic mindset and behaviors.

The writers/Vivziepop are not only too entangled with their fans, but they're THINKING like fan artists/fanfic writers instead of actually making a show. There's a difference between writers of a show and fanfic writing. When you take up the mantel to create a show you have to carry yourself in a way and write your show with a point otherwise you end up with shows like Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel, Miraculous Lady Bug, SVFOE, SPOP, and other shows that fall into that category. Some of them focus more on the shipping than the point of their show to begin with.

What makes a good show is having that distinction or maintaining that professionalism. Creators of shows should NEVER let themselves sink into the cesspool of their Fandoms because they should be focused on their story/message instead of all this shipping/woobing bullshit.

TLDR: Helluva Boss never had potential with VivziePop holding the reigns to begin with. It's too disorganized and unfocused, and with the Fan Enmeshment, it was never going to grow or expand from its fanfic-y feeling. If the creator of the show never grew up, we should never expect the show to grow, too.

Though it is a shame since it could have been charming, had someone more professional taken the show.

Viv definitely was never cut out to handle a big project like this. I’ve said this many times before, but ya, Viv writes like a fanfic writer; everything with how messy the structuring of how her shows is and how poorly they are planned makes me think this.

It reminds me of when I tried to make my first fanfic and just went in without a plan with how to structure it which led to me just abandoning it early on. Viv writes like that.

She didn't listen to criticism of her Zoophobia comic and she still isn’t listing here. She shifted the focus of HB away from the premise to shipping nonsense and now we have this weird mess of a show that doesn’t even know what it wants to be anymore.

Season 2 seems to prioritize relationship drama over the actual premise which caused the show’s downfall. Hazbin feels a bit less fan-ficy but it’s still very messy.

Viv just crams too much shit into too little time which results in the pacing being awful. She paces her shows like a fan fic writer. It feels like she only came In with a small understanding of how show running works and jumped right into the industry because she was excited to show off her gizzalion OCs she had since high school.

Everything about HH/HB feels amateur. I really think that before you get into storytelling you need to actually study how to create good stories, like there are YouTube videos out there you could watch for free that give a run down of what is good or bad writing.

You don’t need to spend 20+ in school to be a good writer but you need to have a basic understanding of how to even write your ideas before you start making stories…which Viv clearly does not.

HB Season 2 in general doesn’t feel like a natural continuation of the first season. It feels like a fan-fic written by a fan after season 1 ended posted on wattpad that the show runners decided to animate and voice into a full season.

Viv should have learned how to run a show before jumping into something as ambitious as this, but she didn’t, and look at what we got.

[solarwoniii]

dirty - kim sunoo

THIS FANFIC CONTAINS SMUT !! PROCEED READING AT YOUR OWN RISK

contains - fem!sub!reader, dom!sunoo, established relationship, punishment sex, no written penetration, vibrator, overstimulation, edging, orgasm denial, (tell me if i missed any!)

word count - 454

sunoo wouldn't consider himself a dirty person. in fact, he would make the argument that he was quite the opposite. he never thought in such ways of anyone, he was the kind and gentlemanly boyfriend that anyone could easily swoon over.

but you awakened something in him.

a different side which he didn't even know existed.

so when he found himself pinning you against the bed, he really wasn't sure how he'd gotten there.

well. he did know how he got there.

you'd been testing him all day.

leaning close to whisper the most foul things in his ears.

purposely brushing yourself against him.

looking up at him with that look that you knew made him go crazy every single time you spoke to him.

wearing his fucking clothes while doing all of it.

when the both of you finally got home it was as if he had no control over himself. he immediately grabbed you the first chance he could and started kissing you.

even if it was so dirty of him, he couldn't help but admit how cute you looked under him like this.

so overstimulated from all the edging that you couldn't speak.

shaking and babbling his name.

tears running down your cheeks.

you gasped as he turned the vibrator up a little higher, grabbing his shirt.

"s-sunoo please i want you so bad." you whimpered.

"hmm, i don't think so. bad girls don't get cock, sweetheart."

a prolonged whine left your lips at his words, making him chuckle.

"maybe if you listened to me i would have rewarded you." he said teasingly, "but you chose to be a brat."

you felt the knot in your stomach start to tighten again for what felt like the millionth time, eyes welling up with tears as he rubbed the vibrator against your sensitive clit, cranking it up to the highest speed it got to. a broken moan escaped you at the sensation, grabbing onto his shirt.

"s-s-sun m' gonna cum-" you cried, half expecting him to stop when he heard that like he had all the other times you'd gotten close, but this time he seemed a little kinder, allowing it to happen.

"go on, cum for me sweetheart."

your body twitched as your climax crashed over you. sunoo turned off the vibrator, gently holding your squirming hips down on the mattress, landing a few soft slaps on your messy clit to help you ride it out, "that's it, good girl. you took it all so well."

he leaned down to kiss you messily as your breathing calmed down.

"are you ready for me?"

"h-huh? but you said..."

he let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head, "i was only playing with you." he whispered, "just don't pull shit like that again, or you really won't get it."

maybe this was dirty. but it felt amazing.

[nyctorune]

Izumi Sena & Leo Tsukinaga x a messy, messy gn!artistic reader

——————————————————————

Synopsis: How would Izumi and Leo act with a partner who’s a tragically messy artist with extra messy on the side.

Tw? Unless you find fluff and pretend constant disappointment absolutely mortifying, there’s none!

Author note: I’ve fallen down the bottomless pit of Knights yet again and now i’m writing x reader fanfic to quell my depressing thirst for fictional idols. I don’t think the bible approves of me guys-

—————————————————————

—————————————————————

- Izumi Sena -

- Oh great, ANOTHER Leo. At least you’re not running around at the dead of night getting lost and losing your phone…. Right? RIGHT?!?

- He loves you! He does! It’s just… When he sees the remains of your 3AM artist mayhem it just makes him question everything. Just a bit.

- The sketchbooks… The loose paper… The pens, pencils, and markers all over the place… God it haunts him in his dreams. I mean, how does a marker make it behind the GOD DAMNED PILLOWS?!? HELLO?!?!

- Has seriously considered buying restraints. Don’t test him… He will. (must we remember his Makoto moment…?)

- He thinks it’s stupid that you trash so much art. You’re going to suffocate your trashcan with all that beautiful messy art.

- And don’t think you can get away with digital art!! He’s seen your file names!!! Disgusting. How do you even manage to find anything? You don’t? Explains a lot.

- It doesn’t matter where you crash, as you’ll always find yourself back in bed with all your tasmanian devil destruction cleanly put away.

- He always makes sure you get enough sleep, enough to eat, and plenty to drink. And don’t go slouching around like an idiot! It’ll ruin that pretty pretty appearance of yours… Seriously, SOOOO annoying.

- When you show him your recent art piece that has survived Hurricane Y/N, he smiles, just a bit. Butttt like the tsundere he is he quickly covers it up and says your eyes are just playing tricks. You draw too much. Go to sleep before he has to go through the hassle of getting you glasses!!!

- What’s that? You want to know his opinion? Well, of course you do! He is the MOST qualified person for this. He is a model after all~~ He gives you a healthy balance of compliments and criticism. He knows what getting crappy criticism is like, and he never wants you to experience that too. Especially from him.

- Once you’ve left, he smiles and admires your work. He loves it! It doesn’t matter if it’s the next Picasso masterpiece or not, it was made by you and that’s special. He really wants to see where your art goes, and he will stop at nothing to make sure that becomes a reality.

- Leo Tsukinaga -

- Crazy artist two, electric boogaloo.

- The team rocket theme plays when the two of you are seen together.

- “PREPARE FOR TROUBLE! AND MAKE IT DOUBLE!”

- Leo is genuinely SO happy he’s with you. Seriously. He’s never letting you go. Forget Anzu when he has YOU! :D His best, most beautiful muse!

- Naru walks into your shared room with Leo, it’s literally all paper and various stationary. She can’t even see you two!! She sighs and closes the door, she can’t take this much longer….

- Leo sees your art, and he glows. Like, LITERALLY glows. (god applied glow ink to him for 1800 seconds.)

- Your art just makes him so happy and giggly. He’s already hugging you and bouncing up and down like no tomorrow.

- Sometimes, he sees music in your art. Like, both figuratively and literally. There are now at least 20 songs that have come from the back of your sketchbook and 20 more that was written i n your sketchbook.

- If you were to EVER degrade your art in any fashion, well, Leo will get very grumpy. And whiny. And clingy. He’s NOT leaving your side and he will NOT shut up until you agree that all your art is beautiful and you’re super talented and super attractive and amazing and funny and- it never ends…

- There have been multiple instances where all the idols in Ensemble Square have found washed up and stranded pages filled with doodles and music notes. They’re just… not even surprised. They’ve even made a competition from it!

- Whoever finds the most abandoned children of the artistic mayhems ™️ gets *idk insert something that sounds appealing i can’t think of anything.*

- Now, if you decide to come with Leo to Florence, well…. Hell hath no fury like an Izumi annoyed. Buttttt that’s another story for another time ;)

I hope yall enjoyed my little head cannons for my favorite two idiots. If any of you wanna request then please check my pinned post! Have a good rest of the next 12 hours :)

[mutival]

Okay so I wrote a Cassandra fanfic

Can’t believe I’m writing about a cannibal but here we are. Any constructive criticism is always appreciated! English isn’t my first language and this is like the third fanfic I’ve ever written. Idk if Cassandra is acting like she would canonically so PLEASE lecture me on that as well if need be

Thank you!

Fluff/Sleeping/Cassandra Dimitrescu x reader RL

Opening night is always messy backstage, I now know that better than anyone else.

After my Juliet, Cassandra Dimitrescu herself, and I managed to round the show up, we were far too busy to properly reflect and fraternize, much to her dismay. Bouquet after bouquet, fan after never-ending fan, there was no end to the amount of socializing

Cassandra had to do before we could properly discuss the play. However, I wasn’t let off scot-free either. The second the curtains dropped, I was whisked off to the side door by the producer, where I fell face-first onto my roommate, Daniela, in the cold night. The darling girl was holding flowers, of which now there were none left unscathed. She yelped when she fell backwards, softening my blow. ‘’MC, the flowers!’’ Daniela exclaimed, feeling the thorns of the roses puncture her perfect abs. I haphazardly shot up, nearly collapsing again from the strain. However, as fast as I rose to my feet, I was slammed down again by the weight of my lovely second roommate, Angie, flanking me from the left. I crashed into a piece of decor, promptly catching Angie but leaving nothing salvageable of the castle wall prop. The ruckus made me wonder if Cassandra would leave her socialite group to come check what all the noise was about. Angie practically squealed when she finally stabilized, straddling my hips. ‘’Roomie!’’ She yelped, I only noticed just now she had a celebratory wine bottle in her hands. ‘’Courtesy of the Dimitrescu winery!’’ She pressed it into my hands, a cute silver ribbon covering the neck. Daniela rubbed the back of her neck, seemingly looking uncomfortable. ‘’Don’t tell Cass or my mom. I kind of-’’ Angie cut her off. ‘’She stole it!’’ At that, I gasped. ‘’Dani?!’’ I scolded her, holding the evidence of a crime that could get me in some deep shit with the family I so desperately wanted to impress. Dani gave me an awkward grin. ‘’Only the best for our star!’’

Star.

‘’Star.. Yeah, damn right! I am a star now, am I not?’’ I plucked Angie off of me, striking a pose that could rival Cassandra’s. Angie cheered, grabbing me by the arm. She mumbled something about getting caught, and off we went to the dorms. I took Dani’s hand in mine with my free hand, forming a little almost duck-like train.

-

About 4 hours later, I'm laying in bed. Sleep doesn’t come easy after those 5 AM recitals. However, seeing Cassandra beaming on stage and.. oh, right. We kissed. Oh my god. We kissed. In front of HUNDREDS of people?! I groaned, my cheeks heating up when I remembered. Angie was drunkenly sleeping on the couch in a position her aunt would’ve definitely scolded her for. She was awfully strict on posture, after all. I’d run into her a few times before while unceremoniously getting locked in the auditorium. I still don’t know what possessed me to take Angie’s dare to stay in the auditorium to hunt for a phantom. ‘’Phantom my ass, if you believe in ghosts, you must be really stupid’’ I had declared. After wrecking another piece of decor in an attempt of getting away from the phantom I claimed wasn’t real, I got a brief introduction.

I yawned, grabbing my jacket. I was certain no shop would be open at this hour, but I felt compelled to take a walk to clear my head from all the fuss and chaos the show had caused. After pulling on my shoes, I snuck past the snoring Angie coddling a vodka bottle in her sleep, murmuring “I won’t let you get wasted” and “I’ll take care of you” and snuck out. I strolled towards the campus, staring up at the room where the student council resided during the day. How peculiar, someone had left the lights on. However, that isn’t my problem and I definitely won’t be making it my problem, I thought as I roamed around the center of the campus. I took a sharp left past the now calm auditorium towards the-

A faint rustling can be heard.

What the fuck?

I whipped my head around at near lightning speed. Another phantom?! It seemed to be following me. I struggled to grab my phone from my pocket, dropping it in the process of getting the flashlight on. I cursed to myself, bending down to grab my device as fast as humanly possible. Whatever was after me must have heard me, for footsteps rapidly came closer. This was it. I was gonna die. But there was so much I hadn't done, so many things I hadn’t said. Before I even registered the voice calling my name, I had chucked my phone in their direction. It flew through the air gracefully before colliding with my pursuer, who let out a sharp hiss. A… hiss? I looked up, barely making out their figure. The adrenaline started to wear off once I heard her voice. ‘’Fuck, ow! That might bruise!’’ She whined, almost stomping her feet like a little baby. I strutted towards the ‘’stranger danger’’. ‘’Cassandra?’’ I could finally make out her face, albeit her voice having been a better clue after having heard it day and night throughout the last couple of months. ‘’Call me Cass.’’ Even injured, she was smug as ever. ‘’I’m so sorry, Cass!’’ I gasped, seeing her covering her eye and huffing. However, I quickly changed my tone. ‘’But what the fuck were you doing, sneaking around in the dark?!’’ I knew the answer to that all too well, but I still couldn’t help but be worried I had seriously hurt her. She bent down, taking my phone and returning it to me before she spoke. ‘’The nightmares. I can’t… I don’t want to go to sleep, but I’m so tired. I thought a walk might help me.’’ She whined, almost like an upset puppy. ‘’I don’t want a full 8 hours of torture right after such a good performance.’’ she huffed. I felt bad for her, I really did. So, I asked the following; ‘’How about I come with you? I’ll be able to wake you if you start having nightmares.’’ She looked positively puzzled. ‘’Bold offer, because you do sleep like a normal human being. Who says you can stay awake longer than I can?’’ She grinned at me, teasing me, challenging me. I responded stoically. ‘’Your screaming will do the trick. Now come on.’’ I extended my hand to her. Oh god, what was I thinking?! Surely she wouldn’t-

But she did.

And now here I am. In Cassandra’s shirt, in her bedroom.

Believe me, I really tried this time to get my own clothes. However, my courage quickly parted from me once Angie stirred and murmured awful song lyrics in her sleep. Fearing I might wake her, I asked Cassandra for a shirt. She handed me one, making promises about not peeping. Looking in the mirror, however, I can confidently say she most definitely did not intend on keeping her promise, staring at my reflection through the window.

I laid down on the bed, waiting for her to come lay next to me. She did, eventually, but something about her demeanor changed. She wasn’t chatty or flirty anymore, her face only resembling flusteredness and.. fear. I can’t say I was any better, anxiously twiddling with my hair. Sharing a bed with THE Cassandra Dimitrescu was a big deal, after all. ‘’..Hey.’’ I whispered, looking at her. She could barely meet my gaze. ‘’It must be hard, letting people in.’’ I muttered, taking one of her hands in my own. She looked down at our hands, and then intertwined our fingers. I’ll forever be grateful for the lights being off, because I was redder than her mother’s lipstick. She murmured something under her breath, before speaking more clearly. ‘’It is. It’s just a struggle, you know?’’ She looked at me expectantly, her gaze piercing through my very soul. I nodded in response, yawning. She understood I was tired. I could swear she scooted closer, but at this point I was too dazed to care. ‘’Goodnight, Cass.’’ I spoke in muted tones. Before I drifted off, I heard her purr. ‘’Goodnight, my star.’’

Around 8 AM, it happened. I awoke to Cassandra stirring, she was definitely a lot closer to me than she was before we went to sleep. I contemplated waking her, but she really needed sleep. Instead, I went with an irrational solution. I gently started rubbing circles on her back in an attempt to soothe her, whispering sweet nothings to her. Seeing as she wrapped an arm around me and slowly came to a halt in her wrestling with the bedsheets, I deemed my mission successful. One of her arms snuck under my waist, pulling me even closer. She was tucked into the crook of my neck, her soft breath on my pulse point. After letting out a small yelp at the sudden contact, I eased into her. Her arms were brass, not as defined as Daniela’s but definitely rugged from all her work in the mechanic’s shop. There was no going back now, her grip was far too strong and comfortable, oh so very comfortable for me to attempt to wrestle out of. I didn’t want to either, continuing to gently draw shapes on her back. As I, once again, drifted off to sleep I heard it. I swear I heard it, albeit not even I could believe my own ears.

She whispered, ever so softly;

‘’You’re so adorable, my star.’’

The little kiss on my neck confirmed I wasn’t dreaming, for when I looked in the mirror the next morning, there it was.

Her lipstick.

So every time I convinced myself I was crazy..

I most definitely wasn’t. This was real.

[zombi3zammy]

Little doll.

((This is my very first fanfic so uh, yeah it’s bad. Anyway, GN reader! <3))

(CW - Jason being a toxic A-hole, main character death, horribly written and rushed story lol)

It started in elementary school. You where the shy and socially awkward child… the one all the children bullied and teased due to having dirty uniforms and messy, tangled hair… and you always seemed to have dirt on your face and knees.

you where best friends with Amelia, a sweet girl with black hair and Amber eyes, the only one who was nice to you. well, you to where close. Before Amelia have gotten a new friend.

his name was Jason… a little boy with maroon hair and yellow eyes, and he seemed to be on the colder side. He wasn’t necessarily shy, just…

off.

he always crafted and whittled small wooden dolls during playtime, and during lunch he constantly sat by himself, refusing to talk to anyone. But that was before he met Amelia.

it was in matter of time where Jason never left her side, and you could’ve sworn he glared at you when Amelia was busy with small tasks, his Honey yellow eyes burning holes into your skull, a scowl constantly on his face.. but every time Amelia where to look at you two, he would snap back into his cheery, loving tone. You tried to tell Amelia, but she never believed you.

“..maybe he was looking behind you!”

or

“..that doesn’t seem like Jason… he’s very sweet, he would never hurt you.”

You slowly begin to give up on letting her know… Jason had Amelia wrapped around his finger, she believed every little lie he said. And you where sick of it.

he was clingy and borderline obsessed with her, it was weird and kind of creepy. He followed her around in public but she never noticed, even as you two where in highschool.

Oh, Highschool got bad.

he memorized her entire route and schedule, and he would start to interrogate her if she was one minute late. He started to become more violent too. He would wrap his hands around peoples throats, glaring down at them if they even breathed near Amelia, but she still failed to notice.

It was a matter of time when he finally threatened you too.

you where pinned to the wall under the stairs, as he wrapped his strong hand around your throat and he held a box cutter in the other.

“I don’t want you around Amelia.”

He spoke lowly, brows furrowed and his grip around your neck tightened, digging his nails into the soft flesh.

“Tsk, like I would do that.” when you said that, he plunged the box cutter into your thigh, using his hand to cover your mouth, muffling any sound you where to make.

his eye flashed a bright green, and you could’ve sworn the tips of his maroon hair faded into a soft white.

“I won’t say it again.”

You felt the hot blood soak your pants, tears forming in your eyes.

“..f-fine.” you manage to wince out, before he ripped the blade out of your thigh and he handed you a small bandage.

like that’s gonna do something..

but you where smart enough to listen to Jason, and you avoided Amelia all day.

“(____)!” You heard a female voice spoke, before turning around to see Amelia, a look of confusion on her face.

“(____)! what’s wrong? Why are you ignoring me?”

she spoke sadly, and she put a hand on your shoulder, but when you looked around, you saw Jason peering over the corner, glaring at you.

shit.

“I uh.. I don’t want to be friends anymore!” You yelled, and you pushed her hand off of your shoulder.

In response to this.. Amelia’s eyes softened and small tears ran down her cheeks. “…what..?” She whispered, blinking slowly, and you noticed her lips quivering.

“I said I don’t want to be friends anymore! Now — now leave me alone!” You shouted, before turning on your heel and running in the opposite direction, and you wiped your own tears away…

God, this is so stupid. Jason was so clearly manipulating her, how is she not noticing that?! At this point, he’s using Amelia like a fucking puppet, and he’s the one pulling the strings. He’s corrupting her thoughts… controlling her every word and move! And it’s so frustrating to watch.

he wasn’t going to let you even look at Amelia at this point… what is happening.. why is this happening to you? To Amelia?

later on the bus ride home, you felt a hand on your shoulder and you looked up to see the black haired female, her Amber-brown eyes looking down at you as you sat.

she didn’t say anything at first, but she sat next to you, and her serious gaze softened into a sad one. “(____), what’s wrong..? Why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong..?” she whispered, nervous at making you snap again.

“Amelia.. it’s not you it’s Ja—”

you cut yourself off. Jason was in the next isle, but one seat up, and you can feel his glare from the corner of your eye.

“it’s what? (____)?? Are you okay??”

Amelia pestered, both of her hands on your shoulders.

“it’s Jason. He’s—” “Oh! Amelia!” Jason cut you off, and he placed his hand on her arm. “Come sit with me, please. I have something I want to show you.”

He smiled down at her, but you can feel the anger radiating off of his skin.

“…okay..” Amelia whispered, and gave you one last look before getting up and going to sit next to Jason.

There’s no point in trying to warn Amelia now… She was too far gone in whatever spell he has placed on her. Besides, Jason was always watching. Always by Amelia’s side, making sure you don’t make a peep about his dark actions…

it’s been years. You, now aged 24, haven’t spoken to Amelia since you two were 16. But you still pass by her, and of course, Jason was still protective of her as always. But… Amelia was different… she wasn’t as cheery anymore. And everyone in town avoided her… It has to be Jason.

no way it’s something else… Jason must be doing this to her. Being so selfish, he forces everyone away, not letting Amelia look at anyone.

but that was before you where walking through the town at night, and you felt yourself step on a wrinkled piece of paper.

It was a missing report… with a girl on it..?

it’s Amelia!! She’s gone missing? What happened?

Thoughts where running around in your head, but you stuffed the paper in your pocket, and you sprinted your way to a small shop.

Jason’s toy shop.

it has to be Jason… there’s no way that it wasn’t him! He’s been pushing everyone away from her… and now she’s missing? This isn’t a coincidence.

you pushed through the glass door and stormed up to Jason, slamming your hands on the front desk.

“where is she.”

you shouted, and thankfully no one else was in the shop..

Jason, however, was quiet. Not even flinch was ripped out of him, as he continued to stitch the clothing for the doll calmly.

“whatever do you mean, (____)?” He spoke, voice much deeper and.. attractive than what you remembered. But this isn’t your reason to be here.

“Amelia!! She’s missing!! I know you did it!” You shouted at him, and you fisted his white button up by the collar, tugging him closer to you.

Jason’s eyes where cold, the honey yellow staring deep into your own eyes, and his expression hasn’t shifted in the slightest. It was cold… and Dead.

“ANSWER ME GOD DAMNIT.” You shouted even louder, and Jason didn’t even blink.

He was quiet as he shoved your arms off of him, and his hands gripped your wrist, squeezing tightly, and you heard your bones pop and crack.

“it’s been a while, (____). I’m glad to see you again. But this isn’t a way to treat a friend, now is it?” He spoke, and he gave a small smile, though you knew something was off. Or was it the way he was quite literally breaking your wrist?

His grip never loosened, in fact, he was adding more and more pressure, and you saw your hand fade to a purple.

“you’re not my friend.” You spat, before trying to pull away from the Maroon haired man.

He let go, and stared at you as you went to close his shop. “Don’t ignore me you freak!” You screeched, looking down at your now broken wrist.

“fine… what is it you would like me to do, (____)?” He spoke coldly. How would he be allowed to have anything… this toy shop… being allowed to make contact with children???

“tell me where Amelia is!” You shouted again, gritting your teeth as you stared up at the taller man.

He let out a chuckle, God that chuckle… it was so alluring yet so disgusting, it showed his true colors, and his eyes flicked to a bright green.

He crouched down to be your height, and you watched as his smile slowly, yet surely, contorted into a scowl, his hair faded to a white and you saw cracks on his face, as if he’s made of porcelain…

Before you could speak again, his now blackened arm and hand snatched you by the arm, his claws digging into your flesh and you could feel the sharp pain, along with your hot blood flowing out of you… he was dragging you to the back of the shop, and he threw you on the floor, to where you were assaulted by the stench of something rotting…

the disgusting smell of rotting flesh and old blood filled your nostrils, coughing violently at the change of the atmosphere… and that’s when you saw her…

a rocking chair in front of you… and in it was the dead body of Amelia. She wasnt rotten, but she was very obviously dead…

the smell of wax radiated from her, and red thread was keeping her limbs together, as if she was dismembered then sewn back in place…

Like a doll…

you gagged at the sight and went to back away, your back bumping against Jason’s legs.

“…she tried to abandon me. She tried to leave me for YOU.”

he growled, his clawed hand grabbing a fist full of your hair, staring down at you with those green eyes. “Amelia wasn’t the perfect one… she didn’t deserve my affections… but then you walked in.” He continued.

“oh, you… you hate me, don’t you? But that’s okay…”

You flinched as he gripped your cheeks.

“I’ll teach you some manners… turn you into a toy! Then… I’ll go find a new chosen one.. and you won’t be able to stop me this time, darling.” you shuddered as his claws traced along your jaw, down your neck, and he stopped on your chest, where your heart is.

…

you felt your vision went black, and your body goes limp and hits the floor, as Jason gripped your hot heart in his hand, staring down at you.

“Let’s begin, little doll…”

[featherandferns]

okay, i’ve never written an ask here before. so that’s my first time. but i’m literally obsessed with you jj works, so i wanted to know about you more.

so, my question will be when did you start writing?

First of all, welcome to the world of inboxes! I'm so happy you decided to reach out and ask! You're always welcome to send anything in <3 Also, thank you for reading my works! I appreciate the support so much!

When did I start writing? I've always been a writer, as corny as that sounds. I have poems that I would write when I was seven and eight years old that still sit in my boxes. I also have short stories that I used to write on Disney themed notepaper when I was nine, ten, eleven years old. I started writing a lot of short stories on my laptop after that - most of which were pretty crappy and abandoned pretty quick. Around twelve or thirteen, I started my first fanfic blog on Wattpad of all things. I ditched that and moved onto a different fandom, and began my first Tumblr fanfic blog. That was a Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers themed blog (as I used to be a hardcore Marvel stan, before it went to shit). It got a bit messy that blog and I lost interest, and I took it down. I didn't nurture it the way I have this blog, nor protect my privacy as I have with this blog either.

I think if I ever stop writing for the fandom, I'll leave the blog up and running for people to continue reading my stuff. I'm far prouder of what I've written on this blog than my old blog. But I'm not planning on leaving anytime soon so don't worry!

Outside of the blog, I write generic short stories and even a book or two. I have a self-published book but due to keeping this blog anonymous and private, I have never and will never advertise it on this blog.

So, yeah! That's my writing journey.

Send in an ask from this taglist and get to know me!

[mebiselfandi]

Title: Nights Like This

Summary: Neymar gets injured and Leo’s there to comfort him

Pairings: Neymar x Messi, Neymessi

Tags: hurt/comfort, kinda angsty

Quick authors note: Sorry if there’s any typos. English isn’t my first language and I haven’t written anything in half a year. I hope y’all like it though. It’s also my first fanfic ever so please don’t hesitate to comment what you think. Slightly ambiguous relationship so this can also be read as platonic or romantic. Also shout out to @kevjrr for inspiring me to write something 🫶🏾

The night air felt cool on his skin as he sunk down to the edge of the pool. A low hiss escaped his lips as he lowered his aching ankle gently into the water. It buzzed with pain that he felt reverberate through his body, catching his breath in his lungs. Slowly he began to relax as the water lulled the ache to faint whispers of rough tackles and even rougher recoveries.

Neymar had always tried not to give in too much thought to his injuries. Yes they were difficult to overcome but they were also frequent. This lead to him repeatedly pushing the thoughts and fears of never playing again aside to the back of his mind. Preferring rather to focus on getting better and playing as soon as possible. But it was nights like this. When the sun had gone down and the only observer was the watchful eye of the moon. When there were no prying eyes poking and prodding at the mask he so carefully crafted and maintained to fool himself into sanity. Nights like this where he finds himself in a more foreign than usual country that the doubts start to creep in. They come like thieves in the night under the guise of fleeting thoughts he lamely promises he won’t dwell on.

But he does. That’s all he does. The nagging feeling of guilt and shame for allowing himself to be injured again gnaws at the edges of his mind fueled by the slight hum of his swollen ankle. He hunches over as he tries to focus on something else. Anything else. His eyes sting with the heat of frustration as he remembers the events of the previous nights game. One of the opposing players running full speed towards him in his peripheral before sliding into full contact with his legs.

For a second everything seemed to slow down. The roar of the 80,000 screaming voices shoved its way into his ears as he felt the ground being knocked out from under him. The studs of the players boots ground into the already tender flesh of his skin. He had no chance to catch himself as his body slammed into the wet pitch head first and began sliding away from the force of the tackle. The rain made the grass extra slippery and he let out an inaudible scream as he felt every blade of grass carry his body along the pitch.

A tear fell from Neymar’s eye and he watched with disdain as it landed on his thigh right below where he’d pulled up his shorts and slowly trailed down his grass burnt skin and into the pool. He faintly recalled the red card being flashed. Then another as Sergio pushed the perpetrator violently to the ground. It all felt hazier and cloudier the more he thought about it. The pain being so overwhelming he could barely breathe but one thing was clear as day; Leo. His Leo. Soft browns stared into teary pools of swirling greens and pleading browns. Begging to be okay before Neymar could even register what had happened.

“Ney, are you okay? Just focus on me, okay?” Leo’s voice was softer than usual in his ears. Pushing the shouts of the crowd out and instead filling his head with thoughts of him. Leo, Leo, Leo. It would have been relaxing if not for the evident worry and urgency Neymar had become too accustomed and familiar with over the years. He ran his fingers through Neymar’s wet hair as his other hand made work of intertwining their fingers in a tight comforting grip. But for the first time it wasn’t enough. Something was wrong, he could tell. And the look in Leo’s eyes confirmed his suspicions.

Neymar tried to get up. There was still 30 minutes left and they were still drawn 2-2. He had to get up. His mind still crackled with the adrenaline of the game and the heat of the collision with the ground but his body groaned and refused to cooperate with his movements. He couldn’t feel anything but his body felt so alive for all the wrong reasons. Sensing his restlessness and growing panic Leo shushed him and placed the hand that he been running through Neymar’s hair to his chest pushing him back down. It felt heavy on his skin the warmth being the only thing keeping his thundering heart from escaping his body and staying on the pitch where it belonged.

He vaguely remembered the medics arriving after Kylian had shouted for them before being lifted onto the stretcher and being carried off the pitch. His hand tingled as it slipped out of Leos. It itched with the memory of Leo’s warm fingers rubbing small, slightly rough patterns into it before he blacked out.

Neymar wished he’d stop replaying the incident as he closed his eyes feeling another tear fall right next to where the other one did. He turned his face to the moon as his lip began to quiver with emotion. He could feel himself being dragged under the fullness of his emotions. He was tired of fighting them and he let himself be consumed. Consumed by the expectations, the guilt, the fear and every other feeling he tried to bury. All the feelings he so neatly folded and placed in the recesses of his mind came surging forwards. They spilled out in waves that cascaded freely down his cheeks and quiet whimpers only the moon held privy to. The weight of all the injuries he tried to convince himself he could overcome single-handedly sat of his heart weighing it down in his chest. And in that moment as his arms blindly prodded and rubbed at his bare chest he thought of Leo. He hadn’t seen him since his hand had slipped out of his grasp and Neymar found himself yearning for that hand to warm him up as he clawed angrily at his reddening, aching chest.

“Ney?” He heard faintly from inside his house. His heart soared and plummeted at the same time. No he must have been losing his mind in his state of delirium. But there it was again. “Ney?” Still soft but slightly louder. Neymar was happy that Leo was here truly but he couldn’t let him see him like this. He opened his eyes and splashed some of the pool water on his face as he heard the soft steps of Leo’s shoes. He bit back any sobs that threatened to rise and waited with baited breath as Leo finally emerged from the back door.

“Hey,” Leo sighed softly, a slight smile on his lips.

And maybe it was the look in his soft eyes or maybe the way the moonlight bounced of the skin of his face and arms making him appear more beautiful than usual but suddenly Neymar couldn’t take it anymore. Once again soft browns looked back into stormy eyes of pleading greens and swirling browns before a single choked sob escaped Neymar’s mouth. He looked away from Leo and closed his eyes as his arms came to wrap around himself. His body trembled and shook as fast feet sped to his side. Kneeling next to him, Leo gathered Neymar up in his arms. The heat from his body and his strong arms warmed Neymar’s shivering body. He was tense, still huddled in on himself refusing to face Leo or open his eyes.

“Why are you here?” He manages to croak out of his hoarse throat.

Leo stayed silent.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Neymar whispers.

“Why not?” Leo questions back in a matching whisper. He tries rubbing his bare torso in an attempt to warm him up but Neymar still stayed tense and on edge.

“I can’t let you see me like this,” he mumbles back barely audible against the sound of the slow chirping crickets, “so unhappy. I don’t want you to think I can’t handle a simple injury.” He adds hesitantly under a low breath. But it isn’t simple. Not this time. They both know it.

Leo’s heart ached. Seeing his Ney who shone brighter than the sun now sound so vulnerable and small in the pale glow of the moonlight made his chest feel lead lined and heavy. He looked at the shaking man in his arms and ran a hand down the column of his spine feeling each protruding ridge before running his hand back up the bruised skin of his ribs and resting his hand on his shoulder.

“Ney look at me,” he pleaded gently, just like he had on the pitch. Neymar turned to face him but his eyes remained closed. Leo pressed a kiss into his hair before speaking into it. “You feel this?” He asked as he gently peeled one of Neymar’s protective arms from his lithe frame before bringing the hand up to his lips and placing a gentle kiss to the tips of his fingers then placing the hand on his chest. Right above his heart. It thrummed steady and strong under the gentle weight of Neymar’s touch. “It beats just like yours. With every victory, every loss. Every happy moment and every tear shed. You share your joy so freely yet you guard your tears but you shouldn’t have to. You’re human, I don’t expect you to be happy all the time.” He paused momentarily as he covered Neymar’s hand with his own. “What that player did to you was inexcusable and you shouldn’t feel like you have to hold back your sorrow from me. You’ve been so strong all these years and I wouldn’t think any less of you for being unhappy after everything. So please don’t be scared of me. It’s just me. Just Leo.”

Neymar blinked open bleary eyes that seemed more brown than green and looked up into Leo’s eyes that gazed back full of love and understanding. He couldn’t help it even if he wanted to as he melted into Leo’s arms burying his face into his neck. He focused on his low whispers of “I got you” and his gentle ministrations on his skin and just Leo. Heavy sobs and even heavier tears escaped his eyes and glided over his cold nipped cheeks as he wrapped the arm that wasn’t on Leo’s chest around Leo’s waist. He cried all his guilt and anger out as he let Leo press him closer into his body and allowed his hand to be trapped between their two hearts.

Leo pressed soft kisses on his neck and face and held him tighter as his sobs quieted and his tears subsided. Leo’s knees began to ache in this kneeling position but it didn’t matter as he heard his Ney relax into occasional slow, shuddering breaths. He began to pull away to get a better look at him but stopped as he felt the hand over his heart grip tightly into the fabric of his shirt.

“Please…don’t go,” Neymar muttered doubtfully as he waited in fear for Leo to stand up and brush him off but instead he pulled him closer to his chest and shifted Neymar on top of him as he lay down next to the pool.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered soothingly into Neymar’s ear as he wrapped his hoodie around Neymar’s exposed half.

And as they lay there under the silver glow of the moonlight, they were just Leo and Ney. His Leo and his Ney; two hearts beating in tandem.

[rainisawriter]

Cowardly San – San (PSF #1)

Ficography

Genre: Halloween, fluff, angst, non-idol au, cowardly lion au?

Prompt: “I’ve got you.” (@flufftober)

Word Count: 3,504

Pairing: Reader x San

World: Ateez

A/N: This was originally written as an original piece because I wanted to do half original and half fanfiction but I changed my mind as usual and went all fanfics lmao I didn’t have the time or energy to rewrite this so I just edited it and chose San so he might be out of character, don’t come for me Atiny! ò.ó)/

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

Halloween has always been your favorite time of year. You loved scaring people and watching horror movies because you never got scared. Most horror movies were mere comedies to you. In fact, you’ve been kicked out of the movie theater multiple times for laughing during horror flicks.

On the opposite side of the coin, your boyfriend hated Halloween. He was a sensitive man who got scared easily and simply couldn’t stomach horror. San was often bullied during his school years because of this which only made him hate the holiday even more.

It was so bad that, had you started dating him closer to Halloween, he probably would have broken up with you as soon as he learned about your love of all things spooky. As it turns out, though, you met each other at the beginning of the year and he had fallen deeply in love with you by the time he found out.

Last year was your first Halloween together, but he was terrified of you finding out about his secret. He didn’t want you to hate him or, worse, look down on him. He wouldn’t be able to stomach it if you said he wasn’t a man like so many others had before. To combat this, he told you that he had to leave town to be with his sick sister and her three kids.

San’s sister wasn’t sick, but she agreed to play along with his scheme just so he would stop begging. She made sure to scold him for his choice.

“Relationships built on lies won’t last,” she had told him. “And if she can’t accept you for who you are, she’s trash.”

He knew she was right but he had never fallen in love as hard as he had with you. He didn’t want to lose you. He didn’t want you to look down on him.

All year long, he steeled himself to tell you the truth before Halloween arrived. It wasn’t even December yet, he had plenty of time… right? It felt as if he blinked and it was already October again. Where had all the time gone? More importantly, where had his resolve gone?

San stared at the date on his phone, wishing it was incorrect but he knew it wasn’t. 

October 1st, it read.

He could hear you in the kitchen of the apartment you shared, humming the tune of some Halloween song. October was the only month that you woke up before him, simply unable to contain your excitement.

Could he really take that away from you just because he’s a scaredy cat? He feared he would ruin the holiday for you. A groan passed his lips as he covered his face. Why was this so hard? All he had to do was say he didn’t like Halloween. It should be simple!

It wasn’t, though, not for him. In that moment, it felt like the hardest thing he’s ever had to do. 

Taking a few deep breaths to calm himself, he slid out of bed, running a hand through his messy brown hair. There was a loose floorboard at the end of the hall that creaked whenever someone stepped on it, thus alerting you to his presence. 

You smiled brightly at him. “Morning, baby. Spooky season is officially here!”

“Morning,” he mumbled back softly, settling down at the table. He loved the way your eyes sparkled during October, it was the only thing he enjoyed about the month. To him, you were already gorgeous, but you became an absolute goddess when your eyes sparkled. He felt like the luckiest man alive.

You set down a plate of freshly made pancakes on the table and he winced when he saw them. They had been made using Halloween cutters – skulls, hands, creepy looking Jack-o-Lanterns. There was even a cobweb pancake which nearly made him shiver. He hated spiders.

Normally, he would eat two or three pancakes, but there were only two Jack-o-Lantern pancakes and you took one. It was the only shape he could bring himself to eat.

You frowned at him when you noticed this. “Are you okay, babe?”

“Yeah… yeah, I’m fine. Why?” 

“You usually eat more than that.”

“Ah… I’m just not very hungry this morning. Maybe I’m getting a bug or something,” he mumbled, feeling guilty for lying to you again. His sister’s words echoed through his mind again.

You leaned across the table, resting the back of your hand against his forehead. “Hm, you don’t feel warm. We’ll have to keep an eye on it. Let me know if you feel worse, okay?”

San could only nod, eyes focused on the pancake. He suddenly didn’t feel very hungry at all.

“Spirit Halloween opens today. I’m so excited, they have the best decorations.”

He tried not to, but his mind conjured images of the apartment decoded to the nines with all manner of spooky decorations and he couldn’t suppress his shiver. He glanced at you to see if you had noticed, but you were still talking about the store.

“I’ve been saving up all year, too, so I can go all out!”

He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat. “Is that wise…? I mean, our apartment isn’t very big. If you put too much, we won’t even be able to move.”

“You’re right, but get this. You remember Hongjoong, right? We went to high school together.”

He vaguely remembered the name, but he couldn’t put a face to it.

“Well, he’s going out of town to spend Halloween with his family and he said I could use his house this Halloween. I’m going to throw the best Halloween party ever!”

He tried to swallow the lump that had formed in his throat as he thought about an over-decorated house filled with people in gruesome costumes. “Oh… how nice of him…”

“Right?” You grinned, unable to sit still. “Do you feel well enough to come with me to the store?”

San’s lips parted and he released a shaky breath as he tried to speak. ‘Just tell her, idiot,’ he told himself in frustration. ‘End this now. Tell her the truth.’

Your grin slowly faded when he didn’t answer, worry battling against your excitement. You rested your hand over his, catching his eye. “Hey, it’s okay. If you’re not feeling well, you can stay here and get some rest. I’m sure Wooyoung won’t mind helping.”

His heart dropped at this. Wooyoung had been crushing on you since the two of you were in middle school and, honestly, he isn’t too sure why you chose him over Wooyoung.

He had always been the cool guy with short hair the color of a raven and striking brown eyes. Like you, he loved to play video games rather than sports. He was also funny, smart and, most importantly, he loved Halloween almost as much as you did.

On the other hand, San was slender with average brown eyes, though he had chosen to dye his brown hair red on your insistence. Instead of virtual games, he played volleyball in high school and liked to run track in his free time. He knew first hand that you loathed exercise and sports, so why had you chosen him? To everyone but you, Wooyoung was the obvious choice.

Yet you had chosen San, your complete opposite, and he didn’t know why. Maybe it was a bet. 

The thought stung at his heart and he shot up from his seat. “I’m gonna go lay down.” He didn’t give you the chance to respond, rushing back down the hall into the bedroom.

You knew something was bothering him, he wasn’t very good at hiding his feelings after all, but you didn’t know what it was. You didn’t want to pressure him, either. You knew that he would come to you when he was ready and yet… you couldn’t help the knot that formed in your gut.

The man you loved was suffering and there was nothing you could do to help him. There’s no worse feeling than that.

You almost decided to stay home instead of going to the store, but you didn’t want to crowd him. He probably just needed space, so you wrote a note and left it on the table before heading out.

Wooyoung was already inside the store when you arrived. He had grabbed a Ghostface mask that was resting atop his head. He grinned when he saw you, pulling you into a tight hug before glancing around.

“Where’s the boyfie?”

Your nose wrinkled at the ridiculous term. “San isn’t feeling well today.”

“Oh, so I finally get you to myself then,” he smirked, his tone flirty.

As usual, you ignored it and just brushed past him, grabbing a cart. He had always been a flirty guy with every female he met and, over the years, you had learned to just ignore him. He would try a few more times before giving up, you knew.

He caught up with you easily, throwing his arm around your neck. “So, are we going for a ‘cute spooky’ theme? A ‘Michael Myers is outside spooky’ theme? Maybe a ‘Freddy’s gonna get you’ theme?” His eyes fell on something at the end of the aisle and he rushed forward to grab it. “Or perhaps~ a ‘killer Barbie’ theme?”

You quirked a brow at the Barbie-themed paper plates he was holding out. “I should kill you for even putting that pink trash in my line of sight.”

Wooyoung laughed loudly as he replaced the item. “No shame in trying, eh?”

“The theme is ‘when you leave this house even hell itself won’t scare you anymore.’”

His eyes glinted mischievously. “Ooo~ My sister is currently dating a therapist. I’ll let him know he’s gonna have a lot of new clients after our party.”

You just snickered at the thought.

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

The farther it got into October, the worse San started to feel, to the point that he wondered if he actually was getting sick. People were already pulling pranks on unsuspecting people, usually in the form of scaring the hell out of them. The thought of him minding his own business while shopping for groceries only for someone in a mask to appear and scare him or threaten him… it had his stomach in knots.

He knew what his reaction would be because it had happened many times in the past. He would end up crying, covering his head, and crouching as low to the ground as he could. He hated that that was his reaction and he had tried many times not to react that way.

It wasn’t just the fear eating him up, though. You had been spending less and less time at home, trying to get all of the decorations up and running at your friend’s house. He missed you dearly and, despite himself, he felt jealousy swirling in his gut because he knew that you were with Wooyoung. Every morning, he came to the apartment to pick you up, wearing that stupid mask atop his head.

He would smile at San but never asked how he was feeling or how life was going. Though, San didn’t ask Wooyoung those questions, either.

A sigh passed his lips as he curled up on the sofa, a blanket covering his body, resting over his head like a hood. His eyes focused on the balcony door. The sky was dark, tiny stars shining brightly. You should have been home by now, so where were you? He glanced at his phone for the hundredth time, but no messages had come through. He considered messaging you first, but he didn’t want to bother you or seem clingy.

His eyes lingered on the date. October 25th.

Halloween was just six days away and he was no closer to telling you the truth. For the most part, he was still pretending not to feel well. He honestly felt pathetic. Was he even a man? Had he ever been one? No one else seemed to think so.

His phone dinged with a new message and he nearly dropped it in his haste to check it. It wasn’t from you, it was from his sister.

-> Did you tell her yet?

It was a simple question, but it made him feel all sorts of things, none of them positive. No, of course, he hadn’t. San was a coward in all meanings of the word. All he wanted to do was run away, to hide away from the terrifying world around him.

A frown tugged at his lips as he gazed at a picture of you and him, smiling happily at the camera. “I love you so much… I’m scared of losing you…” Tears stung his eyes but he quickly wiped them away when he heard keys jingling out in the hallway.

The lock on the door clicked and you stepped inside, looking tired but happy. As soon as he saw you, he felt better. For a moment, it felt as if all of his worries and fears disappeared, and he wished he could thank you for it. He couldn’t, of course, because that would mean explaining why he was so worried and filled with fear.

“I’m home,” you called out softly, offering him a tired smile when you saw him.

“Welcome home,” he replied softly, standing up to take your messenger bag and coat. “How was your day?”

“Well, Wooyoung fell down the stairs.”

His eyes widened in shock. “Eh? Is he okay? What happened?”

“He wasn’t paying attention, as usual, and tripped on a string of lights.” You shook your head, falling onto the couch with a sigh. “He broke his arm in two places and sprained his wrist.”

“Damn,” he muttered, sitting on the edge of the coffee table in front of you. As much as he didn’t like Wooyoung, he never wanted him to get hurt. And if he’s hurt, then that means – “You’re decorating alone now?”

“Yeah. There’s still so many decorations to put up, I’m not sure I’ll get it done before Halloween.” You threw your head back with a groan. “Man, I was finally going to throw the most badass Halloween party ever! I spent so much on the decorations, too… guess I’ll have to return some of them.”

San chewed on his lower lip. “Maybe, I -” his voice died in his throat, heart racing in his chest.

“Hm?” you looked at him curiously, head tilted to the side.

He swallowed down his nerves, hands curling around the pajama pants he wore. “I can… help you with them…”

Your eyes lit up like Christmas tree lights. “Really? You don’t mind?”

He shook his head no, ignoring the voice screaming at him in the back of his mind.

You smiled, throwing your arms around his neck and yanking him onto the couch with you. “Thank you, baby!”

San smiled softly, wrapping his arms around you. “You’re welcome.”

“Oh, but,” you pushed him back enough so you could see his face, a frown on your own. “Are you sure you’re okay? I know you’re still not feeling well.”

Guilt pooled in his stomach but he did his best to ignore it, offering you a small smile. “Don’t worry, I’m feeling better…”

“I’m glad,” you told him softly before pressing your lips to his. “I’ve been worried about you.”

He cleared his throat, trying to change the subject. “Are you hungry? I made dinner.”

“Ooo, what did you make, babe?”

“Your favorite – spaghetti.”

You grinned at this information, throwing your arms around him again. “You’re the best! You’re sick and you’re still taking care of me.”

He hugged you back tightly, fingers curling around your shirt. “I’ll always take care of you…”

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

San had to take several deep breaths when you pulled up in front of the house. The yard was finished already, covered with skeletons crawling out of the ground, gravestones, coffins, and several other items that he wished he hadn’t seen. He kept his eyes on his feet as he followed you inside.

If he could barely stand to look at the decorations, how in the world was he meant to help you put them up?

“Can you finish up in here?” You questioned, motioning toward a small pile of decorations in the corner. “I’ll get started on the kitchen.”

“Okay…”

You sent him a smile before disappearing through the archway.

San took a deep breath, slowly approaching the pile of decorations. The most prominent one was a grim reaper sitting upon a throne. Surely he could just toss them up somewhere and pretend they no longer existed. He doubted that you would go behind him and correct it. Even if you did, he wouldn’t mind.

He was just finishing up when he heard you call from the kitchen.

“Babe, can you bring me the bag that’s in the closet under the stairs?”

“Sure,” he called back before approaching the rounded door. His fingers wrapped around the doorknob, pulling it open. A witch jumped out at him, cackling loudly as her eyes lit up.

San screamed loudly, falling the floor.

You ran into the room with a wide grin on your face, satisfied that you had successfully scared your boyfriend. You thought he would be frustrated at you before laughing, but that wasn’t the case.

He was curled into himself, knees tucked against his chest as he hugged them tightly, soft sobs racking his body. Your grin instantly fell, realizing that something was wrong, and you rushed over to his side.

“Hey,” you rested your hand on his back, brow furrowed. “Baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Look at me.”

He refused to lift his head from his knees, body trembling under your touch. He never wanted you to see him like this. He felt like a child, not a man.

You slid your arms around him, pulling him into your chest. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. You’re okay.”

His fingers clutched at your shirt, face buried in your neck. You could feel his tears on your skin, making you tighten your grip on him. Your fingers combed gently through his hair as you shushed him softly.

“I’ve got you,” you repeated, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m right here.””

“I’m s-sorry,” he sobbed.

“Sorry for what? You’ve done nothing wrong.”

He just shook his head, clinging to you tighter. You’re not sure how long the two of you stayed that way before his sobs finally stopped. You thought he had fallen asleep at first.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered softly, voice hoarse.

“What for?” You whispered back, afraid to raise your voice. “Please tell me what’s wrong, baby. You’ve been acting so weird lately, I’m worried.”

He knew he couldn’t avoid it any longer. It was time to face it. San slowly pushed himself away from you, his head lowered and gaze on the ground. His eyes were puffy and red. “I… I’m scared…”

“Of what?”

He wasn’t sure how to explain it so he motioned toward all the decorations. “All of this! I… I don’t like scary things. I – I can’t handle them! I can’t control it, I just… when I get scared, I just… break down. I’m not a man, I’m a damn child! I’m so sorry, I…” Tears stung at his eyes again and he cursed, hands clenching against his thighs.

You reached forward, resting your hand against his warm cheek. Your thumb swiped away the tear that fell from his eye. You felt like a terrible girlfriend. He’s been suffering all this time and you didn’t even realize how bad it was. There you were, going on and on about Halloween and horror movies, completely unaware of how much you were hurting him.

Your lips parted, but you didn’t know what to say. Tears were stinging at your eyes now. “I’m so sorry, Sannie.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “What -”

“This whole time, you were suffering but you bit your tongue to make me happy. All those times I would talk about Halloween or something horror and your mood would change… how could I not notice? God, I’m such a shitty girlfriend.”

“No, you’re not!” He shook his head frantically, moving closer to you. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I… I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid of losing you so I went out of my way to hide it. I lied to you so many times… I understand if you don’t want to be with a coward like me.”

“Idiot,” you scowled, wiping angrily at your tears. “Do you think so little of me? Do you really think I would suddenly fall out of love with you just because you can’t handle scary things? San, you’re the love of my life. If I believed in soulmates… babe, you’d be it.”

His heart felt like it was going to explode from the overwhelming warmth and love he felt. “I love you, too,” he whispered, his lips finding yours.

───── ⋆⋅🍂⋅⋆ ─────

-> General Taglist: @asterhaze, @mrskenpachizaraki

[eusuntgratie]

Writer asks 4, 6, 7, 13, 14, 29, 34 🤩

4 & 6 answered here

7. What's the story or fic that you're most excited to work on or share next year?

hands down a million percent its my messy rwrb rpf fic. i'm gonna give this one a working title since i've started posting about it - we'll call it disaster for now. this tasty little idea grew legs and carried me away, and now i've got 20 fucking chapters plotted. WHO AM I. i've only got about 3k written, but i've done a lot of prep work, so i'm hoping to start posting this one in january or february but it really depends how much time i have to write. i won't finish it before i start posting but i want to have a LOT of it done, and i'm a long ways off from that. if anybody is into this pairing or actor rpf in general feel free to come scream at me about it this fic consumes at least 50% of my waking thoughts.

13. What story haunts you when you try to sleep at night?

i'm not sure how to interpret this question. the fic i can't stop thinking about, brainstorming, visualizing scenes is disaster. every commute, when i'm trying to go to sleep, etc etc... i'm thinking about this fic and coming up with a new little thing i want to throw in there.

the fic that haunts me because i never wrote it is the buddie fic i was planning to write for the buddie big bang in 2022, shadow, but we ended up moving halfway across the country instead, and i never came back to it. it's plotted, i love the central idea, but i'm not sure i have the motivation to write something that long for buddie, at least not right now. but never say never. there's some snippets and teasers and even some incredible art in my #shadow tag.

14. How many wips are you taking into next year?

2 that i am currently actively working on (disaster and firstprince exes). i've got 2 tknp fics that i've worked on recently that i think/hope i'll finish. we'll leave it at that for now 😬

29. What was the funniest comment or piece of feedback that you received?

hmm i did love this one: OH YOU'RE SICK from @bigassbowlingballhead and you yelling at me for NOT running into a hot hockey player in an airport and hooking up in an airport bathroom despite the promises made by be cool. all the feral screeching about didn't think i liked cowboys was pretty fun too 🤣

i DO have an all time favorite comment although i think its from last year but i can't find it right now. it's someone trying to scream JESUS CHRIST at me but just its a mess of keysmashes and half words it's so great 🥰

34. What's the weirdest thing you researched for a fic?

probably all the obscure saints i researched for forgive me, father. all the oc's have saint's names bc i went HARD on the catholic trauma in this one :)

Fanfic Writer End of the Year Ask Game

[feyhunter78]

20 Fanfic Questions

Thank you for the tag @cchickki this was so fun!!!!

1.) How many works do you have in AO3?

I have 22!

2.) What's your total AO3 words count?

My total is 509,650 words

3.) What fandoms do you write for?

You can find the link here!!!

4.) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In order, it is 1.) Pink Pastels 2.) The Dowager Queen 3.) Orange Blossoms 4.) Among the Sun 5.) Trials of Tributes

5.) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes!!! I love getting comments, they literally make my day, encourage me, and one or two have almost made me cry from how sweet they were🥺

6.) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

It would be my only angst fic, But Darling (I’d Still Die For You)

7.) What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Oooooo so this is a tie between Moonflowers and the ending I’m thinking about for Pink Pastels

8.) Do you get hate on fics?

I have before, usually it’s super dumb, and I screenshot it and send it to @celestialsolstice, so we can tear it apart together

9.) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Y’all know I dooooo, but I write sweet smut! Nothing too harsh, no degradation or violence, just two people who care about each other

10.) Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do not and have not

11.) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, but I live in constant fear that someone has put Pink Pastels in an AI somewhere

12.) Have you ever had a fic translated?

In the very beginning when my only fic was Poisoned Tears and Scorched Tongues someone asked if they could, but I was super new to AO3 and thought it was a scam, so I never responded💀

13.) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Lollll nothing that’s been published, but back in the day me and @celestialsolstice started writing a “sister of Markiplier” fic. It was not that good for what I remember, we’re both much better writers now😂

14.) What's your all-time favourite ship?

Honestly it used to be Nalu, but now it’s Dani x Pelle from Midsommer every fic I’ve read about them is a fucking masterpiece😭

15.) What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Definitely Hold My Heart (Between Your Teeth), and Turn of the Tide, Call of the Sea. They both had such a good premises, but I just lost their plots entirely and cannot muster up the energy to finish them

16.) What are your writing strengths?

I think it’s my prose, and my ability to switch between writing styles, aka modern for Pink Pastels and “old English” for HOTD and Among the Sun. People compliment me on the flow and word usage in my writing, which always make so, so happy!!!!

17.) What are your writing weaknesses?

I don’t plan and if I do, it’s so messy, I just sit and write. Also, thigh riding, dirty talk from reader’s perspective (IMO) and descriptions of objects and/or places. I’m not good at describing settings, y’all😭

18.) Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

For Spanish, I use Spanish Dictionary, my shitty public school Spanish education and my readers. I double-check the translation by running it through twice and sometimes breaking the sentence down to make sure I’m using the right word😂

19.) First fandom you wrote for?

First one I put something out publicly for was HOTD, first fic I ever wrote was for DC Legends of Tomorrow

20.) Favorite fic you've ever written?

Honestly as chaotic as it was Targaryen Inc was so much fun to write, it was off the rails batshit crazy, but I loved it

I’ll no pressure tag @celestialsolstice, @dilf-superiority and @dapper-zappa

[purpleplaid17]

Jess Watches // Thu 30 May // Day 246 Synopses & Favourite Scenes & Poll

Hacks 3x09 Bulletproof (s3 Finale)

As Deborah works to perfect her second run at Late Night, Ava receives a dream offer, and Jimmy and Kayla seek to grow their company.

I never thought they would have me in a chokehold again after the messiness of s2. I am thrilled that they proved me wrong. s3 was so tightly written and the Ava/Deborah dynamic in the finale was fanfic come to life. I need to find time to rewatch it because I still can't believe we were fed this well. 🦈

We Are Lady Parts 2x01 Villain Era

Lady Parts return with a renewed artistic mission following a magical summer tour and set out to lay down their legacy, to record their debut album; only to find that a rival band threatens their status quo.

Amina in her baddest-bitch Villain Era maintaining healthier boundaries and practicing self-care by saying yes to new life experiences. I love that for her. She looked cute in her cowboy hat and I am delighted that we get to hear Amina/Anjana sing more this season. She has a lovely voice. Kind regards, best wishes, eat shit!Yours truly, sincerely, this bitch!

We Are Lady Parts 2x02 Malala Made Me Do It

A shock eviction from the bedsit leaves Lady Parts without a rehearsal space and rethinking their artistic priorities; but a chance lifeline leads them to a creative retreat and the creation of an unexpected hype track.

Saira having an existential crisis about turning 30. Feeling old and having not attained the personal goals she set for herself. I feel you. Happy 30th Birthday You Old Fucking Hag! And Bisma 'pausng' her daughter because she'd had enough and needed to get out. I feel you. Tbf, Malala made her do it!

[gayliketheancients]

I'm SORRY (Every Single Song Is About You)

In another addition of 'Gay Writes': I am almost done with a project that will be coming up here TONIGHT. BKDK fans, I come bearing the Karaoke AU of ultimate pain.

This was the work that got me back into writing fanfic. I'm not going to lie, you guys love a good, angtsy, mess, painful, exes-to-lovers BKDK, and as it is a trope I love dearly, I'm here to present a sneak peak.

This is gonna be a Big Boy down below

EVERY SINGLE SONG IS ABOUT YOU

Ships: BKDK, KiriMina, a surprise polycule

Warnings: SO MANY. THIS. IS. MESSY. PEAK BKDK MESSY. infidelity (not between any of the main ships but it's literally the opening chapters, my dude. HEAVY on a dont like dont read policy), true and real behaviors of people with trauma, morally questionable moments, BDSM sex and etiquiette (both bad dynamics and teaching to learn good), violence, death, etc.

Rating: Explicit

Tags: exes-to-lovers, karaoke bar AU, songfic - kinda, canon divergent, Heroes all make it to be pro-heroes au, I am currently waiting for the manga to finish to binge but I was reading religiously at the time of this story being written - so it is adjacent in some ways, homophobic views (societal, internalized, externalized), angst with a happy ending

THE SNEAK PEAK:

After a near death experience leaves him with both memory loss and his ex-boyfriend at his bedside across the world from their hometown, Izuku decides he's done waiting for thing to fix itself. He moves back home from the States and in a true return to form, starts chasing after the one thing he wants but can't seem to get - Kacchan.

A painful story about how love is often as imperfect as we are, and the ways living makes it worth it.

A QUOTE FROM THE PROLOGUE:

Love is like a flame. It does not discriminate, it doesn’t give a shit about your situation or who you want to become. The smallest spark on kindling can cause a chain reaction that will shape the rest of your life. You may have plans, but love is there to take you off of your carefully crafted path and lead you into an offshoot of the future to create a new one. Love doesn’t care what your plans are or who you feel required to become. All love cares about is getting fed, and no matter if it’s oxygen or wood, the fire demands to continue burning.

The thing about love that makes it like a flame is that it hurts. It’s bright and vibrant and beautiful, but it’s also the most destructive force on the planet. Wars have been raged over love, countries toppled, governments and knowledge lost to the power of love having a ripple effect through history. And it will never end. There will be heartbreaks where you feel like you’ve lost so much more than just a partner, like you’ve lost part of yourself as well. This is the way it is, the way it will always be. When you love, you run the risk of being burned. There is always the chance that you will get hurt. 

But, believe that it’s worth it. Loving people is always worth it. It is true that your heartbreak will hurt for as long as you still love them. It is true that some loves are there to push you to where you need to go. Love is not always soft and gentle. Sometimes it’s feral and possessive and it means to destroy everything you’ve ever known about yourself and your life. You have the option to let it run wild and destroy the forest of your existence and allow things to grow back new and different, or you can do small, controlled instances with love where you end things before they can become too intense. 

Not all love is meant to bring tectonic level change to your life, but all of the right kinds of love will. No matter how hard we try, love is the reason for our existence. You’re never supposed to have a perfect experience with love. The fantasy of soulmates who are perfectly in sync from the moment they meet until one of them dies is very seldom a true representation of life changing love. It will be messy. There will be fights, challenges, struggles along the way. You will not always be ready, willing or able to deal with the problems that arise. The meaning of being together may get lost somewhere along the way. 

Love is more than just a feeling or a commitment, it is also a sacrifice. The best way to describe love is knowing that allowing it in your life is akin to taking a leap of faith. You may feel like a fool, but the small act of allowing the love in will put you on a journey that you never saw coming. Life and love are the longest lasting of soulmates. Life brings you in and gives you values, meanings, a purpose. Love takes what you know and puts it on its head in order to show you the truth of it, and the truth will set you free. Love brings you meaning, hope, and the ability to distinguish what makes life worth living. 

Love is more than a partner, just like life is more than a series of breaths. They create balance together, and are dangerous apart. To live without love is surviving in the bleakest manner possible, and to love without life is grief in its purest form. There is no one without the other. 

I want to take this moment to encourage you to live and to love deeply. Not all love is romantic, and not all life is dripping with excitement. Love your friends, your family, strangers you pass on the street. Love yourself, because you fucking deserve it. The act of loving is what makes the human experience of life bearable and worth the pain. Do not mistake this as advice saying you need a partner to truly live life to the fullest. Instead, try and reflect on the ones you love as pillars for the best life possible. The more pillars you have, the more sturdy you will become as you continue to live. 

Love is worth it, and so are you.

[white-light-on-my-prism]

Tagged by my fav moots who I'm not even sure are real cause they're too good to be true @mebiselfandi @thesupermegahell

rules: share the first lines of your ten most recent fanfics and tag ten people. if you have written less than ten, don't be shy and share anyways.

Okay so... while I have written more than 10 fanfics in my lifetime, very few of them are Neymessi, because I've only recently started writing about them. So I'll share lines from those, along with the link and name and pairing, but if I find any other excerpts from fanfics I've written for different fandoms, and they make sense without context, I'll just dump them here without any additional information. Fair warning though, a few of my fanfics are poems, a format people usually don't use for fanfics, so bear with me.

1. you put me on and said I was your favourite — Neymessi.

2010. A friendly against Brazil's biggest football rival, Argentina. Yet, that was the farthest thing from Neymar's mind, as it was currently occupied in its full capacity by the player, or as he'd describe, the magician of his dreams, Lionel Messi.

The man was a miracle, and, as always, Neymar was mesmerised. Messi's pale cheeks flushed red from the sun, his long hair swinging with every swift turn of his, his legs changing directions at lightning speed, the ball glued to his feet as if in reverence. Neymar couldn't believe a mortal had it in them to be so beautiful. Football was already art to him, but Messi's existence, perhaps, was his final bit of proof.

2. Wait for me, will you? — Neymessi.

Rolling river, running stream

I'm a helpless rock on top of a hill

Your current draws me swirling in

Yet I push against its way.

What will other people say?

3. Exile — Neymessi.

Neymar had never put much stock in the inner workings of the colour white. He could vaguely recall from sixth standard, learning something about white light falling on a prism and exploding in rainbow hues. Neither was he the one for academics, nor was his family the one for rainbows, so all he had known, all he had ever seen with those iridescent eyes of his, was life in black and white. The patterns on his childhood football, the one true love of his life, were drawn in the same twin colours. Then why was he, in that one wretched evening, finding the same opposing tints holding his throat so brutally to a knife?

The 30th of June, 2017.

4. 3 times Anto sees the flower blossom (+1 time she waters the plant :)) — Neymessi.

Antonela is standing, unsuspecting, on the sidelines of the Barcelona training ground, calmly enjoying the spring breeze, when a football hits her smack on the face.

Her vision turns black and her legs give away in a wobbly fashion for the slightest moment, before she locks eyes with her offender while still face down on the ground.

"Leo, you bobo, watch where you're hitting!"

Leo jogs up to her and gives her a hand, but Anto slaps hard on his palm, and gets up on her own.

"Not my fault if you're standing in the way, I'm just trying to play football."

5. It was dark.

The inherent calm of the misty night air was turned restless by the buzzing sound of crickets.

Festive lights had been switched off, so had the lamps in every room of the household. Hardly anyone, however, had been able to fall asleep. Only one tiny bulb shone downstairs, in the guest room, where two police officers clad in uniform sat upright in a chair and on the bed, cautiously sipping water from soiled steel glasses. <name redacted> presently stood with a tray in her hand, waiting for the men to return her their tumblers.

"Thank you", they said unanimously while placing their glasses on the tray.

"Thank you my foot", she mumbled under her breath on her way out of the room.

6. Fuck. I was hearing voices in my head again. The lines between truth and fallacies never felt more blurred. And here I was, caught between them both, trying to pick up the last pieces of my crumbling self esteem behind the closed doors of an empty washroom.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Face full of badly done make-up, smeared with tears; one eyeliner wing looking way different than the other.

7. Long before I knew you

I had gotten used to life in an armour.

Living in a tower, all bricks and concrete

No paint, no lawns, no light, no wind.

All alone.

"Alone's good," I had convinced myself,

Betrayal not likely in a one man army...

But then, I met you.

8. Breaths were coming in short gasps as our faces were inches apart. His black eyes were gleaming blue under some tinted light.

What were words? My head wondered.

All I could see were his soft lips, all I could feel was the prick of his light stubble under my fingertips.

"<name redacted>... I think I love you."

A teardrop or two brimmed on his waterline. A few more creases formed on his forehead.

Just as my right hand dropped from his face, I felt a loss of grip on my waist.

Sooner than I could process, his hold on my left hand tightened and his other hand grabbed me by my shirt.

He stood on his tip toes and planted his lips on mine.

I THINK THAT'S ALL I'LL DUMP HERE! Not tagging anyone because I'm late to this challenge as it is, so all my dearies must have already made this post if they wanted to. But if you didn't yet and you're seeing this, you're tagged! Thanks for reading, hope you had fun. I know I certainly did🧚‍♀️

[sharkpupsblog]

😈 Brand New Person ‼️ PART (2/6) Anne’s grief.

A Dark Riders and Dark Rider! Aideen! GN! Reader fanfic!

my app is still messed up so I’m back to posting on the browser 💀 pls help this is so bad . 😭😭😭 also… do u guys want . The angsty ending … or the REALLY angsty ending… 😳😳😳 I have two planned out sadly they r . Both bad but one isn’t as bad as the other 😭!!! This part is from Anne’s pov and this is the first time I have really written anything with her so it might be ooc??? 💔💔💔 also did the grammar by myself again I think I might be getting better? Idk 😭 english is . Hard . Anyways ty guys for u patience!! Enjoy the silly next part and do let me know if u want the bad ending or the really bad ending ❤️😋

Summary: while Anne thinks and grieves a Dark Rider starts trouble. Warnings: writing about d3ath, memories of someone passing, talks of explosion and d3ath caused by it, and mentions of wanting to v0mit.

Anne was growing anxious. The Dark Riders were giving her and her friends more trouble. They had been showing up more than usual all around Jorvik. No place was safe anymore the Dark Riders were wreaking havoc anywhere they could with no care in the world for the hurt they were causing. They weren’t holding back anymore they were more dangerous than before, and this was worrying Anne. The danger of the Dark Riders worried her, but there was another thing that was making her anxious… Rumors. Anne and her friends were hearing rumors of a new rider on Sands team. No one could provide a description of the rider or their horse, so Linda called it a rumor. She said that the Dark Riders were most likely trying to further scare everyone, so they spread a rumor around to do so. Everyone calmed thanks to Linda’s words, and they ignored the rumor. As Anne tried to think about what to do about the Dark Riders the feeling of worry went away. It was replaced by a deep sadness. You occupied her thoughts now… Ever since your death the team was a bit messy. You always knew what to do always helping with plans, and carrying them out. Anne was a bit lost without you. everyone was lost without your plans and the stability you brought to the team. Your loss deeply impacted everyone specially Anne. The woman felt guilty because she never told you just how much you meant to her. She deeply appreciated your plans and the way you helped bring the team back together again you were a good friend, and she never told you. She wished you were here she really needed you here. Guilt slowly took over Anne’s mind. Before it could finish its takeover on the woman’s brain her phone rang. Anne’s phone buzzed and moved across her vanity as a call flashed across the screen. She picked her phone up answering the call it was from Linda. As soon as Anne answered Linda spoke and she sounded scared. All Anne needed to hear to get moving was Goldenhills, forest, fire and Sabine. She told Linda she would be there soon, and she hung up quickly getting ready to leave home and ride to Goldenhills.

Blondie galloped through Silverglade Manor her ears perking up as she heard “hey!” and “watch out!” as she and Concorde ran through the stables. The mare wasn’t sure why her rider was in such a hurry and neither was the foal. She huffed shaking her head as she ran through the vineyard then down the path to the arena. Was her rider late to a competition at the arena? Is that why she wanted to gallop? Blondie neighed as she passed through the riding hall and the arena confused as to where her rider was going in such a hurry. Concorde had no questions she was happy to run. Soon they were in Goldenhills and the mare stopped terrified when she saw the smoke coming from the forest. Concorde was excited she had no fear she was strong and brave she could put the fire out herself! Anne pat the mare trying to comfort her, so she could ride closer to the forest. The thoroughbred refused to go further, so Anne left her at the care of Jasper. The man was not happy about having to play horse sitter, or to let Anne go into the forest he hoped the girl knew what she was doing. Anne also left a very unhappy Concorde behind with Blondie. The foal was ready to be a hero and save the forest, but her owner didn’t allow it, so she was upset. Anne ran the rest of the way to the forest going as fast as she could. She saw her friends gathered near the entrance of the forest they all looked like they were deep in thought. Their horses were further away all gathered together ready to help. “What happened?!” Anne yelled from where she was making everyone look to her. Lisa spoke “Sabine set fire to the forest!” Anne was still a bit far, so Lisa had to yell. “The rangers are on their way here!” Lisa watched as Anne got closer “and we’re trying to find out if Sabine is still in there!” Anne got to where everyone was when Lisa finished her sentence, and she huffed as she tried to catch her breath. Linda caught Anne up on everything that had happened while Anne tried to catch her breath. She told the leader that before the fire got worse, they managed to get all the animals out, and that the plan was to try and find out if Sabine was still in the forest spreading the fire while they waited for the rangers to come put it out. “I don’t think she’s still in there” Alex looked to the forest “I didn’t see her while getting the animals out.” Anne’s brows furrowed as she thought about what to do “spread out” she said looking at the forest with Alex. “We can find out faster if Sabine is still in there by spreading out” the plan was dangerous, but Anne needed this to be done quickly “stay far from the fire.” She looked to everyone, and it was clear the leader was unsure, but her team pushed away any negative feelings they had about the plan, and they went to look for Sabine. Anne went up the path leading to the broken stone bridge. At the bridge she looked over the edge seeing the forest. She was right above it and from her high point she could see the fire was not as big as she thought. Hopefully, it would stay small, so the rangers could put it out quick. The woman also felt bad for Emma all her jumps were in there she hoped they could be salvaged. As Anne continued looking she realized the fire was following the way the course went. It looked as if it were mapping out the jumps, and she wondered if Sabine was out there doing them.

The idea was silly Anne couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped her. She then felt bad for laughing at the situation so she cleared her throat feeling awkward. Anne realized another thing, the path was perfectly mapped out as if Sabine had gone through it before, but there was no way she had? As Anne tried to think of an explanation, she saw the rangers come into the forest quickly getting to work on putting out the fire. The woman sighed relieved as she watched the fire be put out, she knew she could relax the forest would be okay and the animals were safe. The leader continued to watch as the fire was put out, and as she watched the forest, she could see blurs of color show through the gaps of the golden leaves in the trees. She narrowed her eyes leaning over the edge a bit to see who was riding through… Was it a ranger? More colors followed the others… Black, red and gold. It did not take long for Anne to worry as she realized Sabine had still been in the forest. She looked like she was leaving, so there was nothing to worry about now the Dark Rider wouldn’t cause any more trouble. As the blurs raced through the forest Anne moved to the other side of the bridge ready to see who Sabine was riding with. The leader waited a few seconds, and she saw the first blur come out from under the bridge. A familiar horse slid to a stop shaking their head. The horse turned and Anne could not remember from where she had seen it before. She couldn’t see the face on the rider due to it being covered by their hair. Sabine came riding out of the forest, and Anne could see her speaking, but could not hear what she was saying. The Dark Rider suddenly tensed, and she started looking around. Her eyes eventually landed on Anne on the bridge. The Soul Rider narrowed her eyes at Sabine ready for a fight should Sabine try to start one. The rider with her looked up to where Sabine was looking, and Anne’s expression went from angry to horrified as she finally saw who the other rider was. The woman huffed she wanted to throw up she covered her mouth stepping away from the edge. She sat down leaning against the other side of the bridge as fear hit her. Her heart beating so fast that it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest as the memories of the day you died came flooding into her mind. She could see the explosion clearly, she felt like she was in the valley again. She could see your body on the ice but… You were here. You were on your horse riding with Sabine this had to be a sick joke the Dark Rider was playing. You were dead she saw your body she saw the explosion. She could not deny what she saw that day she couldn’t tell herself that somehow you had lived. She saw you, she saw that you weren’t breathing, she was at your funeral you were dead, and no one could deny it.

Anne needed to move she needed to tell the others about you and Sabine, but she couldn’t move fear was keeping her seated. She felt as if her bones had been locked in place. Her brain was saying ‘go!’, ‘run!’, and ‘get away!’ but even with all of these thoughts she couldn’t move. She could hear a horse coming her way she managed to glance to where the noise was coming from seeing you riding to her. Anne felt her body release… Her brain screamed ‘GO!’ at her making her quickly get up, and run to the other end of the bridge. Time felt as it had slowed down while Anne was panicking, but now that she was up and running it all rushed back to normal. Her heart continued to try and burst out of her chest  adrenaline pushing her to go further. Anne ran faster than she did to get to the forest. She wasn’t sure why she was running from you maybe you were still her friend?  As much as she would like to stop, and ask you she also knew you could be an illusion. Stopping could be a death sentence, and her whole body had a bad feeling about you, so she ran only looking forwards. The Soul Rider could see her friends standing on the other side of the forest. She tried to run faster trying to get to her team the leader wished she had Blondie to get to her friends quicker. She could hear neighs behind her, and she came to a quick stop as a horse rushed in front of her. Your horse blocked her from running further, and you glared down at her. Anne didn’t know what to do she was frozen in place again. Her memories took over her again, but only for a few seconds. She gasped coming out of her memories and back to the current moment thanks to something hitting her chest. The woman fell letting out a huff as she landed on her back, she bit her lip holding back a scream of pain. You kicked her and you kicked her hard wanting to make her fall down, or at least get air knocked out of her lungs. The woman managed to prop herself up on her elbows watching as you dismounted, and walked over to her. She tried to breathe, but her chest hurt it did not allow her to take a breath. “It’s nice to see you again Anne” you smiled at her again, balling your hand up into a fist. Your voice was the same there was no way you were an illusion you were really here alive, and standing in front of her. The Soul Rider had so many questions she would have tried to speak to you she would have asked you ‘why are you doing this!? How are you here?!’ but she was stopped by your fist coming right at her. 

TY FOR READING! ❤️ I wrote more than I thought for this part 😭 on what I use to write it looks like so little but on tumblr its soooo much.

[sundayinthcpark]

okay so i’m still scribbling down ideas and i’m kinda stoned and idk if i’ll ever manage to write this cos i have never rlly written anything like this (literally anything i’ve never written for one of these fandoms i’ve never finished a multi chap plotted fic i’ve never written an in-depth au like idk if i even could do this) but the other day my brain decided WOULDN’T IT BE COOL if Kingsman and UNIT were the same people. (and honestly MIB: International a bit too) but like. Kingsman Doctor Who AU. that’s mostly focused on osgate.

for whatever reason, the code name Arthur isn’t used and is instead replaced with The Doctor. why, idk. there doesn’t need to be a reason. just, when the doctor, the brig, and liz shaw all started this, he decided his code name was The Doctor and it’s been that way since

also the plot was: three different stories, spanning a couple different time periods.

first story (kingsman: the secret service) is very much just stolen ideas from what i know of the Cyber-Reality Big Finish stories. which admittedly about 80% of that (i did start listening to them. finally) is because of @technicallywrite’s fanfic 🫡 but i promise i am doing my research. but anyway like that cyber program instead of valentine’s program??? osgood thinking kate’s dead for like half the story adds some fun to it and i could add kate’s pov w whatever’s happening to her OR i could just. go off from Kingsman and do it closer to Big Finish and just call it good.

ideally: harry = kate; eggsy = osgood; arthur = 12th doctor; merlin = river

considering replacing jakobi!master w gomez!master for some extra fun? like it just could be fun is all.

also: focus is osgate but there is background stuff going on. 12/River/Missy ???? do some fun little twists get them all together i think they deserve it. also other knights/agents would be (possibly.) amy, rory, clara, rose, yaz, donna, martha, bill, sam, josh, gwen, ianto, maybe jack? not as important characters literally just names to fill in blanks. i have code names for them too just in case it’s needed as well as ships cos background ships r always so fun

also was thinking abt the possibility of: sarah jane is the lancelot being replaced. i don’t wanna kill her either but. it adds some fun messy stuff for kate cos i am always a sarah jane/kate truther but also establishing it all could be messy

also was considering just having sarah jane have been a past agent that kate’s father knew (will get into family history in a sec) and kate got to occasionally hear some stories about her OR sarah jane is kate’s aunt (basically they knew each other but sarah jane is gone now and kate struggles with that a bit)

cos kate’s dad was obviously part of Kingsman which is how Kate got recruited- sorta. (here is why i want sarah jane to be. important and not related to kate but i can’t change some of it) cos she technically still had to be recruited but sarah jane kept an eye on kate while she was in military training and actually recruited her having not realised who she was until after she had already decided

which is about to be what happens here cos. osgood is a rlly fucking good hacker and they can hack into p much any database okay so kingsman has been keeping an eye on them- not cos they’re worried that osgood will reveal them, just cos they kinda think she’s brilliant- and kate actually ends up running into them at a bar. where idk what but some kinda relatively easy to defeat alien shows up right and kate has to get rid of it and suddenly there’s a lot going on but kate is asking osgood to come to kingsman with her

and basically what osgood had been doing is kinda like. non-violent the beekeeper type shit like hacking elon musk’s bank account to send a billion dollars to palestine or some shit like just trying to improve the world in whatever ways right

and then osgood’s ends up joining kingsman (sorry but skip the ‘roxy beats eggsy’ plot line cos even tho i love roxy i don’t have time to figure out how to fit weird sexism into this especially cos not one man has actually been a part of this story yet) and proceeds to get sucked into the Cyber-Reality storyline

lowkey tho a) i need to learn how to write smut because i need them to hook up at least once probably pre-cyber like. anything. like they r attracted to each other. maybe that’s how kate learns about them in the first place is they hook up and osgood tells kate what they do with their life and kate decides to look into her work

(just occurred to me this may not be obvious but she/they osgood. possibly they/then doctor too cos i like fucking around w characters’ pronouns)

but anyway yeah i actually lowkey want the story to end with them not quite having figured themselves out but knowing they’re gonna do it together (😏)

but def positive ending cos i have not thought out Kingsman: The Golden Circle yet

i have figured out origins but not entirely how to make it follow a plot line yet but there’s a strong chance of it involving the third doctor, liz shaw, and the brigadier and possibly autons. liz = galahad; brig = merlin. and obviously it’ll have threebrig. but it’s a separate story i’ve barely thought about

also figuring out how to make the time jump from three to twelve but also still having time in there for kate to come around? it’s gonna be interesting for sure

this is so much rambling j am very sorry and i’m also very tired and i definitely could do better hashing this out and i’m working on doing better hashing this out i just also needed to ramble at someone. lol