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twistedtummies2 · 7 months ago

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Top 10 Portrayals of Dr. Seward

In Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Lucy Westenra - Dracula’s first female victim of note - is desired by three separate men. First, the man she chooses to be her husband, Arthur Holmwood: he’s the single most boring character in the entire main cast of the novel, and yet somehow he makes it into multiple adaptations…most of which do very little to make him a whole lot more interesting. I fail to understand this. Second is Quincey Morris: he’s more interesting, in several ways, and is even one of the gents who slays the undead Count, sacrificing his life to avenge his beloved Lucy and destroy the vampire. He also almost never makes it into any adaptations, and even those that do feature him usually conflate him with Holmwood - I’m guilty of this, myself. And last but not least, there’s Dr. Jack Seward - the only one of Lucy’s Suitors I plan to discuss. In the novel, Seward is a young and brilliant psychiatrist and physician combined, and the head of a local mental institution. He’s a skeptical scientist, who needs to be shown the reality of the utterly horrific and fantastical nature of vampires. He is also the “caretaker,” for lack of a better word, of Renfield, which makes him important to the team due to his connections with Dracula’s Servant. It is through Seward, in the book, that we learn so much about Lucy and Renfield alike, and it is Seward who summons Van Helsing in the first place to try and help out. While many adaptations DO include the character of Dr. Seward, nearly all of them change the character from his literary origins. Most make him an older gentleman, and focus more on the connection to Renfield than anything else. Indeed, many times Seward is made to be either Mina or Lucy’s FATHER, rather than a potential suitor. Even a few that do stray closer to the novel sometimes excise important elements of his character. Give Mina and Lucy credit, they usually still resemble their original forms to some degree: Seward is essentially a 50-50 shot. He’s either going to match the book version, or he very much isn’t. With that said, let’s take a look at some of those attempts at Seward now. These are My Top 10 Favorite Portrayals of Dr. Seward.

10. Orson Welles, from the Mercury Theater Radio Version.

The Mercury Theater Radio production of Dracula is interesting in that - much like a few takes on Quincey Morris in other adaptations - it conflates the characters of Seward and Arthur Holmwood. In the radio play, Seward’s work at the asylum is barely referenced, and Renfield is nowhere to be found: instead, he’s depicted as Lucy’s fiance, and the only major connection he has to the book version (aside from the name) is that he is an old friend and student of Professor Van Helsing. The main reason this version makes the list at all is because Orson Welles plays both Seward AND Dracula in the radio play, which is certainly an interesting choice of double-casting.

9. Buz Setton, from Disney’s Dracula, Pages From a Virgin’s Diary.

In the Disney graphic novel, Chief O’Hara (hold your horses, Batman fans; I’m talking about the Mickey Mouse character) plays the role of Seward, or, as he’s called in the comic, “Buz Setton.” (Not sure why the name was changed.) There’s really not much to say about this version except that it’s expectedly amusing, and aside from the name change and the goofiness that lies abundant, it’s a more or less accurate depiction of the character. Also, Pete is Renfield. This makes me chuckle.

8. Herbert Bunston, from the 1931 Film.

The origins of Seward being reimagined as an older gentleman, and the father of one of the main ladies in the play, begin with the Hamilton Deane stage adaptation. When the play went to Broadway, Herbert Bunston was cast in the role of the good doctor. When Universal decided to make their film version of the story - based more heavily on the play, rather than the original book - Bunston was one of the actors from the stage version who got a chance to reprise and immortalize his performance onscreen. While I feel his work is a bit “stagey,” even by standards of the time, it’s clear he’s comfortable with the material, and fully immersed in the character.

7. Jose Seriano Viosca, from “Spanish Dracula.”

The Spanish-language version of the previous film is, in my opinion, largely inferior to the original. While a few things in it are certainly interesting, much of the cast, in particular, just doesn’t strike me as being as strong as the cast in the English version. There are, however, two chief exceptions: one is Lupita Tovar as Mina, or “Eva,” who I spoke of in a past list. The other is Jose Seriano Viosca as Dr. Seward. Viosca’s Seward feels so much more natural in his performance than Herbert Bunston, in my opinion. He’s got more of a sense of humor, too, which is refreshing compared to Bunston’s more proprietorial character. There’s also a wonderful warmth between himself and Tovar, as well; they really do feel like father and daughter in this version. It’s still not remotely close to the book, but it is, in my opinion, a generally more interesting portrayal to watch.

6. Patti LuPone, from Penny Dreadful.

This version strays about as far from the path as you can get; thankfully, the character here is still very interesting, so that ultimately doesn’t matter much. After two seasons of teasing Dracula’s appearance, the third (and sadly final) season of “Penny Dreadful” finally brought several of the characters from the novel to life. Among them is Seward, here reimagined as a female doctor, and an alienist (an early term for psychologist), who has some unusual ties to the main protagonist of the series, Vanessa Ives. Never thought I’d see an older Evita meet Dracula, but here we are.

5. Donald Pleasance, from the 1979 Film.

This film, like the 1931 Universal pictures, is based largely on the stage version of Dracula. Pleasance’s Seward is depicted as the father of the Mina character once again, and this time is very deliberately played up as something of a comic relief figure. He’s a somewhat bumbling character, who ultimately has to stand up to the challenges Dracula’s presence creates for himself and his family.

4. Mark Burns, from the 1977 BBC TV Film.

FINALLY, a properly accurate interpretation of the character from the novel! Burns’ Seward gets a lot of focus in this movie, as not only does he have the relationship with Lucy intact, but the character of Renfield is given some more focus in this adaptation as well. As a result, Burns gets more time in the spotlight by extension.

3. Daniel Weyman, from the 2006 BBC Radio Version.

Once more, not pictured in costume, because this was a radio version. Much like the Orson Welles adaptation, this version conflates the characters of Arthur Holmwood and Jack Seward together, so that he is now Lucy’s fiance and gets sole focus - no Holmwood or Quincey Morris in sight. HOWEVER, unlike the Mercury Theater rendition, we do get to see (or, rather, hear) him in the Asylum, and learn of his relationship with Renfield, which I think is a vast improvement in comparison, since you now get the best of both worlds.

2. The Version from Anno Dracula.

“Anno Dracula” is a series that takes place in an alternate universe, where Van Helsing and his team failed to stop Dracula, who is now effectively the ruler of England, acting as Queen Victoria’s royal consort. In this world, vampires are now the norm: at least 50% of the population are vampires. The interesting thing with this is that vampires aren’t depicted as naturally evil, monstrous beings; they’re just…people. Like anybody else. Some are good, some are bad, but they aren’t inherently diabolical. This is where Seward’s role in the first novel comes into play: it’s revealed that Seward is the only human survivor of the original story, and has basically gone insane after his experiences. He becomes none other than Jack the Ripper: in this universe, his attacks are a pithy attempt to destroy the vampires he’s come to believe are evil creatures. While Seward’s motivations and perspectives are tragically understandable, he is still in the wrong. It’s interesting to see this character in this light, and he’s one of the most memorable figures in the book, as we see the story from his side several times.

1. Richard E. Grant, from the 1992 Film.

A great actor playing the role basically as Stoker wrote it. For all the things Francis Ford Coppola changed in his version of Dracula, one thing that pretty much stayed true to the source without any deviation was Richard E. Grant as Jack Seward. This is pretty much exactly how I imagined the book character to be, and that’s really all I need to give this version top marks on the list. Case closed.

#list #countdown #best #favorites #top 10 #dracula #dr. seward #jack seward #john seward #actors #acting #film #movies #tv #comics #literature #radio

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writtenwyrm · 3 years ago

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The Ascension

A Slay the Spire story, Part 21

All Parts

A few hours later, after I’d finished reading dull theories on offense versus defence and proper conservation of energy and hesitantly feeding a piece of paper from the ruined book to the White Beast—it had promptly bled a grey liquid from its eyes and belched smoke, which I hurriedly collected into a jar—I found myself climbing endless stairs once again.

I was close.

With the majority of the city-bearing pillars below me, I could direct my senses upward and detect the roof. It was jagged and rough, with no clear exit. But that didn’t mean there wasn’t one.

Somehow, once I reached it, I would have to ascend.

But first I had to get there. With the more plentiful stairs and ladders far below me, I was left with few choices on how to climb. A few sparse staircases ringed the distant walls of the spire, and some thick ropes hung from enormous iron hooks, but they were often either crumbling or rotten, not something I wanted to trust my weight on. Especially not with so far to fall.

I’d already tried three sets of stairs, only to be turned back by stretches of impassable chasms. It was on my way back from another dead end when I encountered them.

They were walking up, and I was walking down. We rounded a corner at nearly the same moment, and I ran face-first into a very large man. He was nearly as round as he was tall, and his face was covered by a round red mask. All I could see was his small eyes, peering at me with mild curiosity.

“…Hello.” I said warily, backing up. He said nothing in return.

“Why’dya stop, Bear?” A voice from behind him asked, shrill with annoyance. “Come on then, we’ve got places to be! You can’t stop to look at every pretty rock you see!”

“Maybe he’d listen if you actually did anything about it, Romeo.” Another voice muttered.

Bear stepped to the side, allowing his companions to see me. Two more men, one of them short and scrawny, with two long blades on his back and an overlarge mask hiding his face, and a tall one with a slouch and a bright, sleek mask of his own. They froze, and I took another step back, holding my staff at the ready

“Well!” The taller one spoke—Romeo—and pulled a small dagger from one pocket, spinning it over his fingers. “Look who we have here! An honest-to-gods Venture! Watcher, eh? That’s what the Champ called you in the Arena.”

“That’s me.” I confirmed. “And I don’t wish to fight.”

“Neither do we! I mean, Pointy does, but he’s always on edge.” He nodded at the scrawny man, chuckling. Bear joined in with a quiet laugh while Pointy scowled.

“But we also have a bone to pick with you.” Romeo continued, pointing with his knife. He left his other hand in his pocket, casual. Still, I could feel nervousness underneath the otherwise flawless facade. “You’ve caused a lot of chaos around here lately. Taking out the Gremlin Gang and the Taskmaster like that? The city is in shambles, and who’s gonna be left to take over and figure things out? Me, that’s who. Now, that’s a lotta work, and since this is all your fault, I figure you’ve got to put some coin towards fixing it.”

“Romeo, ain’t you been trying to find a way to get rid of Taskmaster for…” Pointy half-whispered, and then trailed off at the sharp look Romeo threw him.

“Anyway, I’d say a reasonable fee of all your gold should do.” He turned back to me and pointed his dagger, grinning lopsidedly under his mask. His teeth were about as uneven as his smile. “How’s about it, Watcher?”

A flicker of anger thrummed through me, and I looked all three of them over. I was still plenty injured, even if the fresh wound on my head had stopped bleeding. But these three didn’t look too tough, either. “…I’m sorry, but I need my coin more than you do.”

“You sure about that?” He wheedled. Behind him, Pointy took his blades off his back with eagerness. “No one has to get hurt here. We’ve seen your tricks, and you haven’t seen ours. Isn’t it safer just to hand over the coin? It’s just gold, after all.“

“I could say the same to you. Just gold, no reason for you to take it.” I was feeling particularly stubborn, and I let it seep into my voice. At the same time, I eyed Pointy, considering how best to take him down quickly. In the back of my throat, I began quietly humming my battle hymn, and focusing my mind into efficiency.

Romeo sighed, and then waved his dagger. “All right, then. Grab ‘em, Bear!”

The hulking man had remained so silent and unobtrusive that he had vanished from my attention. So when he flung himself forward with both arms out, I was caught completely by surprise. I managed to leap backwards, avoiding the first swing, and then—

“CLEAVE!” Pointy screeched, throwing himself forward with both swords high overhead. I started in surprise, and then fear, backpedaling as quickly as possible to get away from the word of power—

Except nothing happened, and he leered at me triumphantly. I stared at him in confusion.

A pair of enormous arms wrapped around me from behind, and I was crushed in an enormous bear hug, my staff and arms all pinned painfully against my sides.

Pointy dived in to swipe at my legs, and I managed to kick out, using my feet to knock his wrists away and jam my heel into his face. But it was nearly impossible to defend myself properly like this. The scrawny thief picked himself up quickly, and I swore he seemed all the more eager to jab me with his swords.

I had to get out of Bear’s grip, or else I was a sitting duck. But with my arms pinned, I felt helpless.

There was one tool I’d discovered for ending a fight quickly, though, and my mouth wasn’t pinned. My battle hymn was weak, but it would have to do.

CLEAVE

to split in half

I knew the most efficient way to finish this, now, and it was easy. Easy now, for my to worm my hands out of the grip of my assailant, and to reach up to grab him by the back of the head. Simple, to leverage his own grip against him and yank him down, slamming his masked face into the top of my head.

I knew he would let me go, then, and I slid out of his grasp like an oiled fish. Scooping up my staff in one clean movement, I rammed the back end up into his chin, sending him staggering.

Then I spun on my heel and kicked him in the belly, sending him hurtling over the edge and into the bottomless void beyond. He made no sound as he fell.

I dropped his mask, and turned toward the others. Divinity pulsed in my limbs, pushing me forward, to finish it quickly. I raised my staff to meet their weapons—

But they weren’t looking at me at all. Both of them were crouched next to the edge of the stairs, looking down into the void. For a moment I thought they were staring silently, and then Romeo turned to me, mouth wide in a shout, and I realized the blood thrumming in my ears was drowning out all the noise. As soon as I realized this, words started filtering through.

“You’ll pay for this!” Romeo was screaming, voice cracking and breaking, dagger clutched in a white-knuckled grip. Behind him, Pointy was screaming Bear’s name into the void, as if the larger man could still hear him somehow.

I stepped to meet him, waiting patiently for the foreign influence to drop something new on me, and struck his arm before he could react, ready to follow up with another strike to the temple.

Instead, he ripped his mask off and dragged his sleeve across his eyes, flailing wildly with his injured arm as he did so. And in doing, I caught a glimpse of his face.

He was just a child. Or not long from being one, either way. His cheeks were still round with baby fat, and the beard on his chin was barely more than mist. His red eyes were furious, but he couldn’t stop the tears from running down his face. I stopped, pulling back, stepping away.

Or at least, I tried.

My limbs fought back. They were filled with the Divine, the clarity of perfect foresight and knowledge of what was ideal.

And right now, all that power was focused on killing.

No. I thought. Wait. I don’t want to kill them anymore. I can win without slaughtering teenagers. I can run, or I can disarm them, or—

The staff in my hands trembled, as I remained perfectly still, caught between two opposite motions. The only movements I could make, the only movements I could even imagine making, were toward finishing the task, destroying the target, killing them both.

But I was feeling particularly stubborn today. So instead I did nothing, pain shooting through my limbs as my muscles screamed.

Pointy had come to join in attacking me, but as he approached with weapons in hand, he stopped. Their voices were indistinct again, void against the creaking of my own bones in my ears, but I could see him grab Romeo by the arm and drag him backwards, away from me. For a moment, part of me—the part that wasn’t focusing on fighting the Divine—was confused. Why abandon a motionless target?

And then I saw the light, springing from cracks in my body. It grew quickly, streaming from under my fingernails, from the veins on my arms.

The power needed something to kill.

Without the promised target, it was turning back on me.

I screamed, then, and even that was inaudible to my own ears, as the Divinity in my body tore itself violently apart.

—

I woke up.

This was not a surprise, though perhaps it should have been. As it was, I’d been too focused on opposing the power to think about what it would be like to die.

I wasn’t sure how long it had been. It could have been days, for all I knew. But something told me it was only a few moments. I was enveloped in a cloud of thick smoke, enough that even my Perception struggled to sense far. But voices still reached me, angry, distraught.

“We’ll find her, Pointy. We’ll find her and finish her, for Bear.”

“I know, Romeo. I just wish this wouldn’t… wouldn’t keep happening.”

“What?”

“I… don’t you feel like… like this has happened before? I feel so… I feel so empty, Ro. Like I’ve had to watch him die over and… over and over.”

“It’s going to be okay, Pointy. I know it hurts. It’s real confusing. Just don’t go crazy on me now.”

“I won’t. I guess… it’s just everyone else. There’s been so many people. I remember when the city was full. Don’t you?”

“…stop it, Pointy. Let’s just find the Watcher.”

I got to my feet, feeling… alive, very alive, but in an everything-hurts sort of way. The smoke lingered, and I retrieved my staff before trudging away, back down the stairs, away from the voices.

It wasn’t until later that I found the shards of glass in my satchel and deduced that I must have fallen on the smoke bomb the White Beast gave me.

And when I discovered, upon emptying my satchel to clean out the sharp glass, a severed lizard tail, still wrapped in bandages from when Neow first traded it to me. But now it was dry and desiccated, nothing but fragile bones and flakey skin.

Whatever it had used to be, it saved me from my own power. And now it was used up. A backup plan I hadn’t even known I had.

And now, as I continued to climb and search fruitlessly for the way up, I had a chance to consider what had happened. How I’d died, or come very close, when the blasphemous power had backfired.

I was sure now, deep inside, that if I died I would be brought back, albeit with my memories gone.

But I was still afraid.

And I couldn’t stop thinking of his face. Had it been right for me to go for the jugular as soon as I’d been threatened? Would they have killed me? To be honest with myself, I didn’t know, but I also was having a hard time blaming them if they tried.

It was hard to think about. For now, I just kept walking, trying to find a way to leave the City, to get away.

#Slay the Spire #The Watcher #Part 21 #The Ascension #fic

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poormeowmeowcollector · 4 years ago

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A Wild Game Of Survival

Pairing: Dark Loki x Female Reader, Loki/Sigyn

Warnings: Major Character Death, Violence, Language, Dark, Loki (he is a warning). Each chapter will have individual warnings.

Summary: In a world where everyone is immortal until they meet their soulmates, I expect to have a nice life with them and I was so wrong.

Notes: yes, it has first person narration. It's an old one.

Chapter 6: The Story Behind The Beast

Warnings: Christians, violence, cursing, death, plague, grief.

Summary: and this is how the walls break

Notes: this is not the darkest chapter, but is the saddest. Please grab your water, blanket and tissues before reading it.

First chapter Previous chapter AO3 next chapter

He agreed on getting some breakfast before he left. And that was the last goodbye.

When I woke up, not many hours after, Loki was awake and still staring. Did he even move? Probably not.

"Were you up all night?" I hid a yawn as I asked. Loki nodded a yes, still not moving. I sighed and got up, my stomach asking for muffins.

"I'm gonna get some breakfast, do you want something?" I looked at him as I put on my boots and checked at the cash I had. I had to get some money later today, but they were enough for breakfast. He made a tutting sound of no. I hummed an ok and left, deciding to let him on his thoughts.

~~~

"What is that?"

He got out of his bubble when I threw a paper bag of muffins in his stomach.

"Muffins. It only had raisins," I shrugged. He took out one and sniffed it before putting it back and leaving the bag beside him.

"What?" I eyed him. I guess that he's a killer but everyone likes muffins, even if they are with raisins.

"Lactose intolerant, can't eat them," I made an oh sound on this information. He didn't consider this as a poisoning attempt, did he?

"Anyway," I swallowed a bite and left my bag aside. It was kind of a dick move to eat in front of him. "What were you thinking about?" I asked, my eyes pinned on him.

"The answer," He said plainly. I swallowed thickly. Would he attack after he had it?

"Did you… did you get closer?" I tried to hide my anxiety.

"I think I have it," He sat back. Relaxed. He was probably about to murder me and he was relaxed. I felt my heart beating faster.

"And… What is it?" I basically stuttered, panic creeping out.

"It's a big answer," He tried to avoid it. It was about my safety, my life. I deserved to know if he would kill me.

"I have all day," I crossed my hands, holding myself from panicking.

"So… I was not always like that. Once, I was just a farmer's boy in a small village in Norway. And it was a simple life. Some farming, more hunting, even more raiding… Nice and simple and I liked it, even if it was hard and boring.

"And, my seiðr helped. I was well respected since I was a baby, I was considered a gift from the Gods. But, I had a big brother and he stopped all this from making me a narcissistic dick." I scoffed a bit.

"Got some bad news for you,"

"Shut up," He spat and cleared his throat.

"So… I was in a raid, basically a massacre. A man had me on the ground, too weak to fight back and with a sword about to slit my throat. And he got sliced in half by an axe. And behind him was a woman. She looked like you, you are almost a clone of her. She was with her armour and bloody and dirty, I didn't look better, but she was just stunning in my eyes. We fought together for the rest of the raid, and claimed each other on the boat home. She was from the village next to mine, a friendly one." His eyes got dreamy just by talking about that woman. I guessed she was the first soulmate.

"Her name?"

"Sigyn. Like in the mythos. We found out we were soulmates, we married and we had twins, Narfi and Vali. Good boys, but impossible to keep them out of trouble. But we were a happy family." His nostalgic look didn't change when he talked about the boys. I smiled at him, it was good to know he knew love.

"But, the Christians came. They thought of us as barbarians and Pagans for believing in the Tradition. I saw some men and women I knew getting burnt in the stake for believing in the Gods. It was frightening, but we were the wildlings." His nostalgic smile faded and got replaced with disgust. I completely understood it.

"They came to me and made me an offer. I had to abandon my belief in the Tradition and get baptized and me and my family would live. The boys were still babies and Sigyn was weak from the birth, I couldn't risk moving away or denying. And I agreed. I stopped the raids, became a hunter and they named me Luke. Hel, I was even going to the church every Sunday… But I still raised my boys as my father raised me, I didn't want them to change into this, just because I had to pretend to be a changed man." His disgust grew bigger. I nodded and waited for him to finish.

"I had to hide my magic to protect myself and my family, practising my belief and my power in secret. I hated hiding, especially since I was used to being proud of who I am. But I had no choice.

"Some more Christians came and brought this terrible disease, smallpox. I got sick, very sick. The best doctors, Norse and Christians, told me the same thing. "Pray for a fast death," I told Sigyn to take the kids, they were six, and go to her mother's house. I didn't want them to get sick or see me dying so terribly. And, when they left me alone and I gathered all the strength I had left, I healed me, with magic. They called it a miracle. And my family returned."

"Someone spoke of magic. Of a green light coming out of the hut as I healed. They suspected Sigyn and she was arrested for witchcraft. She didn't tell them I was the witch, and she died in the stake, along with my kids. I had to watch it. They forced me to watch my family burn…" His voice broke and tears fell from his eyes. I moved closer and grabbed his shoulder, making him turn to face me and wipe them away. Then, something odd lit up in his eyes.

"I was mad with anger after this. Since they came, I did everything I could to protect them. Everything. And they murdered them. I took Sigyn's axe and slayed the old bitch who accused her. Then, I fueled my magic with rage and burnt down the village. I didn't care if it was Christians or my own people, they were all traitors, all killers. They took my life away from me, and I did the same. The villages around saw the green flames. They said it was the wrath of a powerful God. Some knew I was a witch. So, they created the God Loki. I didn't give a shit about being a God, but I didn't say anything." His eyes glowed for a moment as he spoke, his whole body tight with the memory. The lamp near us broke, I didn't need to wonder why. He breathed down and managed to collect himself before he went on.

"After this, I was easy on losing control because of my anger. I even killed my next soulmate because of this, in an accident. I don't even remember what happened, I only remember the anger. People grew scared of me, I was a monster. I couldn't live there anymore. I started wandering around Europe, and soon, around the Earth. It took me a lot of time to take control again, but I did. And, my soulmates were different. They didn't look like her, or they reminded me of her. They were bringing back the pain, the anger, the sentiment. Once, I was sharing a bed with one and I remembered the smell of my family. I ran to the bathroom and cried so hard I vomited. I couldn't live with soulmates anymore, so I was getting rid of them, of the sentiment. And the killing began." He was still whimpering, fighting back his tears. I cupped his head and moved my hand along his hair, hoping he would be soothed down.

"It had become a habit. And easy. I needed ten minutes to get done with the next one and then I was free again. And I was easy on finding them. They reminded me of that smell. But, you were different. You had your magic, like me, and you fought back. I used to hate you for that, but now I admire you. And, everyone had small traits of Sigyn, enough to bring back the memories, the smell. You have traits of all three of them, but you don't bring back the smell. Just the feeling of family… I hated you for that too, it was foreign to me. But you made it familiar, with your kindness last night…" He held himself longer, but I started tearing up. He moved his cold hand and wiped them away, a soft smile on his face.

"And, I started thinking. I didn't sleep, because of the thoughts. Killing will never bring my family back, it will only make them disappointed. And you made me realize that, with your questions. I gain nothing from murdering, I only lose them. And I have to go back to them, I don't belong in this era. I belong with the dead, with my family. I was turned into a corpse that made more corpses just to prove itself that it's still alive. So, I won't hunt you down again. I will leave. I will let you live your life, with someone you deserve to. I will go back home and wait until I can go with my family again. I will let the Norns guide me to them," His voice was breaking, he was barely holding himself together now.

"This is it? Good-bye?" I cried out, unable to stop my tears. He nodded a yes, then he hugged me.

"I just want you to know that I thank you. I thank you so much for bringing light to my way, for helping me out. I owe you so much, my dear. So much… I will see them again because of you, I am alive again because of you." He let himself cry, his hands tangled around me and his face hiding in my shoulder. I weeped too, holding him tight.

I lost track of how long we stayed like this. But he let go, let me wipe away his tears and smiled at me before he blew a kiss on my forehead.

"Promise me to keep contact," I smiled. He grinned and nodded.

"Thank you, my love," He whispered. I cried again and he wiped it away, shushing the pain away.

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sole-cuore-amore-e-droga · 4 years ago

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Italy brings the rock’n’roll youth of tomorrow to Rotterdam 2021

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It’s the final day of doing my yet again botched attempt at a review series and I’ve been dying to post my gigantic write-up for my newly beloved Italy, at the top of the bookies, darling of all hearts, ready to rock Eurovision, and even more! Vai vai~

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Representing them this year is Måneskin, a band made up of four - singer and possibly the hottest motherfucker to grace the planet Earth Damiano, guitarist Thomas, drummer Ethan, and the cherry on top - bassist Victoria, whose half-Danish heritage is the reason Måneskin is called Måneskin (= Moonshine). They thought of this name at a “battle of the bands” that they won, thinking they might as well change it to something different, but in the end... say it with me now

They have known each other since highschool, made a band in 2016, won the “battle of the bands”, started out making a living as buskers in the streets of Rome, from which they gradually grew through playing small gigs, and later tried out for X Factor Italia season 11, on which they came 2nd.

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They went on to release an EP titled after their debut single of the name of the song above, including some of their X Factor covers, and later on got to get big through releasing an album, getting it certified all kinds of goodnesses, having singles from that album be popular, even releasing a documentary of themselves... they’ve done so much in life and they’re only 20-22 years old... aw man, the life is just ahead of them, for them to be so young and win Sanremo on their first try. (And I’ve always wanted them for Eurovision ever since I was aware of their existence, because their music is very nice, and they just feel like charming human beings. So imagine my joy seeing them announced for Sanremo 2021? And them WINNING months later??? man what kind of luck do I have even if just for a year lmao <333)

“Zitti e buoni”, the last song title alphabetically this year, is purely of the band’s making, and the lyrics are talking about not abiding the rules in general, how they’re out of their minds but they’re not like “them”, and how people talk but don’t know what they’re talking at all.

REVIEW

IT’S A PRETTY CRAZY GOOD ROCK SONG AMEN HALLELUJAH OPRAH WOOOOOOO

wbk I love it. Yeah sure it might be composited of something that sounds like standard rock riffs and what not, but it’s the ENERGY that goes into it that gets me more excited for this than for Finland, a fellow rock song of this year’s final.

Damiano’s vocals have the specific kind of rockstar tinge to them, and they’re very complimenting to the song. The way he says everything is beautiful, the “e buonasera signore e signori” line in particular is just a moment that shows the beginning of power somehow, I don’t know. The chorus is great, eventhough it’s just one line repeated but it changes the pronoun each time (going from “I’m out of my mind” to “you’re out of your mind” to “we’re out of my mind”) - MAGICAL.

And the bridge. YES, the bridge. Along with the outro it’s the best part of the song. The chord progression. The lines repeated on that bridge. The emotions going on. The delivery of the lines of the emotion. It’s a convincing little bridge, to the point that it sounds just as great with violins! Wish they brought one, because according to Love Love Peace Peace, nothing screams winner quite like a violin.

God damn to the Måneskinsters pump this song up to the maximum. It was originally a ballad song, and I think that’s for the better for them to present it as a rock song, because a Sanremo ballad in a pool of Sanremo ballads... unless it stands out according to demoscopic & press juries, and there seems to be a no better option at hand that could make them stand out other than just sending a classy ballad, it just fizzles out in a spectacularly lame fashion. Måneskin’s one real shot through was with a song that would make them stand out, and they did it, and they’re here.

Everyone has put in their work, their passion, their skills into this, and it shows off in spades. Måneskin themselves are fantastic and chill human beings, who too, just like Flo Rida, get to enjoy how crazy amazing Eurovision experience is. And for that I salute them with my whole heart. Whatever they do tonight on Eurovision, they’ll leave a lasting mark in it. And for a good reason.

Also an Italian Eurovision edit that doesn’t suck, once again, yay! (In their defense, they didn’t have a whole lot to work with, so they released theirs early - just a few trimmings here and there, and a lyric change so that they skate by EBU easier with their anti-swearing policies. Gahddamn swearing~)

Approval factor: FUCK YES Follow-up factor: The funny thing about this is that last year their entry is about making noise but the song was a love ballad, this year it’s a song titled “shut up and behave” while dressed in a loudest motherfucking musical setting lol. Fuck the rules! It was solely on the Sanremo’s last year’s winner Diodato not to send an entry he thought that would fit for Sanremo, and that’s good on him - he can return next year replenished as all hell, and maybe aim for the trophy again? wishful thinking? aaaa. Anyway on a personal scale “Zitti e buoni” is a marvelous follow-up from “Fai rumore”, even if skipping 2020 entirely, especially after “Soldi”, which was already a fab follow-up after “Non mi avete fatto niente”, and even from “Occidentali’s Karma” on. And so it is subjectively a good follow-up. Italy SLAYS. AQ factor: As I write this, the odds are very much in their favour, if not a little bit too persuaded over the fact that Måneskin gave a good rock performance and knew what they would be doing, or it’s just that the Italians like overbetting for their acts way too damn much. But nevertheless, I just wanna hope for them to break the expectations people set on rock songs in Eurovision and SMASH themselves a victory. Or a top 2. Or a top 5-10. Anything will do, goddamn.

NF CORNER

Well, I promised that I will talk about Sanremo in a NF corner, because this is the first year I actually cared to watch it myself, unlike when I would’ve sided with someone whose reviewing style I love in not caring to watch it, and usually just check all the songs on the last day lol.

One thing about Sanremo that I sorely underestimate is that a handful of artists on there can come across as very versatile, and the one song you loved of one genre they presented several years ago, can be completely different and leave you baffled for days if you’re not very familiarized with their discography and the Italian music scene in general. Which now I’m going to pay an extreme amount of attention towards following Sanremo 2022 on out because hot damn did I never see gems like Willie Peyote coming!

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Did I call him a gem over his entry? Yes, somehow. Am I even sure if I’m being serious?

I think I can somewhat agree when I say that for the international fam watching Sanremo at least, “Mai dire mai (La locura)” was a major expectation destroyer, at least for the crowd whose main lookouts in a lineup like this years were Ermal Meta, Annalisa, Arisa, etc. You know they’re gonna bring a ballad, and their ballads are usually decent, but what about the unexpected? That’s where a handful of acts, including Willie, comes in for me. The bass hooks in the second the song starts. The beat is minimalistic but strong enough to slap. The steady rap flow is mesmerizing, paired with that somewhat specifically Italian(?) vocal timbre. The chorus is greatly catchy, and it is a sung chorus, with this song still being largely a rap song. The electric-esque guitar soundwaves interspersed throughout the song are magnificent and magical, and on the chorus they even make a constant melody riff that repeats and may get annoying on multiple listens, but I still adore them. I really love the bridge as well and all that goes into it. A fantastic surprise of the season for me personally.

Now I figure that the lyrics may hinder the enjoyment for some, especially the points raised in some lines that may seem questionable and shady (if this went to Eurovision and got a “twerking” comment on Youtube, I will not be surprised if the description of choice is “patriarchic twerking”), but am I supposed to be fully offended at some points of it if I’m not its target audience, although I see some of what I do nowadays in those lines? “Mai dire mai” is probably dedicated to the Italian media and the Italian trends and what not. I’m not even disappointed it didn’t win, because if it went to Eurovision, it would’ve likely been met like a lesser “Occidentali’s Karma” - catchy song with lyrics that fly over listener’s heads which might as well be very accidentally mocking how we live our lives.

“Mai dire mai” has just less of a memorability-in-history value and no memorable gimmicks (Francesco had a gorilla, what is it visually going for on Willie’s performance?), besides, it would’ve suffered even WORSE post-Eurovision-edit than OK has - a lot of the bits and bobs that pass me by but when I notice them they make a really great entry, but other than the (presumably copyrighted) removal of a sample from a TV series (spoken by a fish character, nonetheless), what else is there to remove???? With Eurovision’s rules specifying that brands (Spotify, TikTok) and swearwords (lots of the good old Italian ones that Italian radios would digitally scratch out to emphasize that there were a LOT in the second verse) can’t be sung live, the song loses some of its lyrical charm. And you can’t just go around the song like Francesco Gabbani chopping off entire verses full of content full of witty lyrics and a reference to Chanel in order to present the more lyrically singable-along-to lines and not let go of the long chorus to whom his gorilla can dance to. “Mai dire mai” is RIFE with lyrics, that’s what a rap song is. It would have absolutely fallen apart.

Also no one paged it as a potential Eurovision winner during Sanremo, at least seriously, and it doesn’t have much that would have clicked with the future Eurovision generation and contestants when they would be asked to name their favourite Eurovision song of all times. In a world where from Italy they really like “Grande amore” and “Soldi” and even sometimes could name “Occidentali’s Karma”, is there really a place for “Mai dire mai (La locura)” over “Zitti e buoni”? Who would be naming that song as their favourite of all time? If you raised a hand, you lie to yourself, because that would’ve been me.

Now I don’t know how many of the Tumblr fam would draw ire at me putting out paragraphs worth of me being ultra positive towards this song, because as I’ve learned, there’s an ironic and unironic audience for Mr. Peyote on Tumblr especially, but for me I guess it was pretty worthy, also a thing I was finally able to yell off my chest since, and now I finally said it, I will continue streaming “Mai dire mai (La locura)” in peace.

He might’ve not won Sanremo, but his song won the equally important Mia Martini Critics Award, and also, my heart. Rest in broken shards of the Boris aquarium, my sweet cynical prince~

Måneskin were my 2nd after him so I’m equally happy they won. But what about my other favourites?

• Extraliscio ft. Davide Toffolo - Bianca luce nera A diluted version of the liscio genre, still makes for a very fascinatingly catchy and swaying song with lots of great instruments that are violins and a clarinet. What I figure is kinda a love song. Their performances were also great, with lots of dancers on stage and a genuinely great fun to be had, and you may remember them more after their performance in cover night, which was titled “Rosamunda”. They were the ones with their main singer’s guitar spinning for whatever reason that was there to make their song catchy, I guess.

• Lo Stato Sociale - Combat Pop A little bit of a far cry from their glory heydays with 2nd place in Sanremo 2018, but they returned with an equally banging song and an amazing set of performance chaos they brought in each and every time - dedicating their first night’s one to making a performance to not forget (and being the ones of two to reference the great Bugo&Morgan incident from last year, the other being Willie Peyote), the second competitive one was for referencing politics, and so on.

• Colapesce & Dimartino - Musica leggerissima Sweet melancholic song with the shades of Sebastien Tellier kinda sound, this song may seem jolly at first, but the especially melancholic undertones denote that there’s something else going on. It’s actually about depression, as that’s what the term “musica leggerissima” (very light music) means. But it still found a heart in Italian listeners and the Italian world finally woke up to how great Antonio Di Martino and Lorenzo “Colapesce” Urciullo are, and a handful of viewers were slightly heartbroken to see it not place in the superfinal top 3. Who knows if they would’ve actually won over Måneskin. I just know that their rollerskater girlie is so damn fine~

Bugo has also returned but I think his redemption arc started off the wrong foot, as his return entry, “E invece si”, was a bloated showtune ballad and got obnoxious to listen to at part. I declared to myself that night when I first heard the new entry that regarding on what made “Sincero” great, I side with Morgan.

And a special shout out to Ghemon, whose 2019 song was more than just a “purple rose” unlike I noted on a last proper Italian entry review. I don’t know what expectations I had for him, but I certainly wanted to love “Momento perfetto” more at the first listen, which was also somewhat of a show-tuney piece, but with a bit more funk and pizzazz, also Ghemon was VERY much vibing with his song, and that made me feel great for the few other performances of it that I saw the following days. It’s definitely a grower song, and around 2 months after Sanremo I fell into a bit of a rabbit-hole of his earlier music discovering, and I may be a bit exaggerating but, give Ghemon a bit more of acknowledgement and a stellar enough song, and with a little bit of magic touch, I can maybe see him lifting the Golden Lion trophy one day. Don’t ask why. (also lovely music video for his 2021 entry, which replaces continuous spinning in an aesthetic area to everybody moving their body in a diner (hopefully with everyone in the MV tested and been negative for long enough for the MV to actually happen).)

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

There’s so much needed to be discussed about there. So I’ll restrict myself to the moments that I remember and cherish:

• Rosario Fiorello. Just. Him.

• And the gentleman next to him, Achille Lauro.

tw // body piercing

Belarus 2018 could never

Fiorello and Lauro are perfect matches to each other’s worlds of imagination, and I was more than ever glad to see so much creativity coming from each one of them, a host and a nightly interval act respectively.

• Once again, “Rosamunda Medley” by Extraliscio, I didn’t watch the cover night in its entirety but I think it’s good enough of a medley if it got a 3rd place from the cover night from the orchestra!

• Sanremo Newcomers section of this year. I liked or vibed to almost every song out of the 8, and I’m decently happy with the winner, but if there’s one big shoutout I really want to make, is to “Regina” by Davide Shorty, for it’s such a cozy funky little love song that always makes me happy when I hear it. My personal winner preference, but I don’t mind Davide getting 2nd! For as long as he gets to place 1st in a future main Sanremo event hihihihihi

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• Diodato proving himself to be a dance king at the beginning of his “Che vita meravigliosa” performance, my good Twitter friend made a bunch of videos where he dances to a lot of songs, as per request, check them out and you won’t forget it.

• Since Sanremo 2021 got rid of the audience as per COVID regulations and much to Amadeus’s dread, there ended up quite a handful of audience related memes. Such as the penis balloon et al.

• Remember when Sanremo 2021 audience was supposed to be whisked away in a cruise ship for safety measures? Pepperidge Farm remembers

• SESSO IBUPROFENEEEEEEEE

The guy that sang this song actually has the same birthday as me, so in my eyes, I feel like he has some charm to it. I’m biased lol sorry

There’s way too many more but I am afraid of flooding my post beyond your readability interest. Let’s hope that, in an event of Italy’s victory or non, we’ll get to see an even more iconic event of Sanremo emerge come the future. <3

ANY LAST WORDS?

Måneskin’s big goal was to rock Eurovision, and I think they’ve greatly accomplished that by just... doing what they do best, and that is, rocking. They leave energy lasting for days.

In bocca al lupo, fam. You’ll nail it, and even if you don’t win, Italy shouldn’t not hail you as national heroes after it’s all over.

#eurovision #eurovision 2021 #rotterdam 2021 reviews #italy #måneskin #zitti e buoni #gifs i didn't make

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nicolewoo · 4 years ago

Text

The Big Day Part 2

Pairing: Joe Anaoi X Reader (Roman Reigns X Reader)

Warnings: None. Nice and fluffy for you.

Now that the ceremony, the eating and the show was over, we all sat around 2 bonfires, Joe sitting on a log, and me seated in between his feet on the sand.

What surprised me the most was that barely anyone left. Where I was from, everyone came to a family reunion at the beginning, and after the food was served, older members and those with young kids trickled out, but that obviously not the case at a Samoan Independence Day celebration. Babies slept in the arms of parents and family members, older members were seated in comfortable chairs, some with thick blankets over them to keep them warm, and everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) helped keep the young and the old happy and comfortable. This was the Fa’a I’d read about. The Samoan way of revering your elders and working as a family instead of individuals. Truly it was beautiful.

Dwayne had procured a guitar, and sat strumming the instrument, occasionally adding some lyrics, a little Elvis here, a little Moana there. “Ok. Ok. Who is ready to name that tune?” I was a bit confused, but everyone else knew what was going on. I watched and learned. Dwayne would play a few notes, and the first person who could guess the song, had to sing a bit of it; no matter how bad of a singer they were. Obviously, the more tone-deaf singers were cut off early, and a new song started.

I knew the next song by the 4th note but didn’t answer. I waited for someone to start singing. This was an easy one. I waited as Dwayne vamped the 8 notes that should have been easy to recognize. “Awe, C’mon guys. This one’s a classic.” He played the 8 notes again.

I leaned over to Vanessa and Joe and whispered, “Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.”

I must not have been quiet enough, because the next thing I heard was Dwayne say, “Y/N has it.” He vamped the 8 notes again, looking at me expectantly. “You have to sing it now. It’s tradition!”

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes and sigh out loud. I looked at Joe in a panic. He leaned in close to me. “Baby, it doesn’t matter what anyone said in your past. We are your new family, and we will love and support you even if you can’t sing.” His words were sweet but ignoring that voice in my head that told me I am never enough was impossible.

Seeing that I was anxious, Dwayne said, “I’ll sing it with you.”

They didn’t understand. They didn’t know. It wasn’t that I couldn’t sing. It’s that my singing had been tainted when I was younger. It was never good enough. I was never good enough, and so, I’d locked that part of me up tight and didn’t want to revisit it, but I didn’t have a choice now.

I tried to keep my voice low so Dwayne’s would cover it. “They say there was a secret cord.” Yeah, Dwayne was covering up my voice. “That David played, and it pleased the Lord. But you don’t,” Dwayne stopped singing, so I did too.

Dwayne looked from Joe to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know.” Joe said.

I looked at Joe who looked awestruck. “Joe, don’t…”

“Now you HAVE to sing it. It’s family tradition.” Dwayne prodded, vamping the introduction again. Now the people around us joined in, trying to encourage me to sing.

I looked at Joe. He wrapped his arms around me until his mouth was next to my ear. “Baby,” His voice was low and sexy, and I got wet just hearing it. “What I just heard was beautiful. It doesn’t matter what happened in your past. We are your family now, and we want to hear you sing. I promise nothing bad will happen. It’s time to replace those old memories with new, happy ones.” I turned to look at him, and I saw complete love. I eyed the others around the fire, and I saw complete acceptance, but still…..

I nodded at Dwayne; a bit surer of myself now. He started the song over, ready to sing along if necessary, but I sang on my own. “I heard there was a secret cord.”

Dwayne smiled big and encouraged me, “Louder. You sound great.”

“That David played, and it pleased the Lord.” I sang it a little bit louder.

Joe whispered in my ear again, “Please baby, Keep going. I want to hear.”

Louder, “But you don’t really care for music, do you?”

“Belt it out Y/N,” Dwayne urged.

My voice quivered as I started the next line, but honestly, I hadn’t sung in so long, and it felt so right to just lose myself in the song, so I looked up at Joe and continued. “It goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift.”

“Let go baby. Let go for me.” Joe whispered to me, and I did.

“The baffled king composing Hallelujah.”

Dwayne stopped suddenly, looking at me. “I’ll make a deal with you.” I was intrigued. “If you really sing the song, like put all of your power behind it, I’ll buy you and Joe an hour-long massage tomorrow.” That was tempting.

“Two!” I challenged.

Dwayne laughed, “Two massages?”

“No. Two hours.” Everyone laughed now.

“It’s a deal kid, but you have to really belt it out. Pretend you’re giving a concert in front of your most adoring fans. Got it?” He challenged me this time.

I just smiled, knowing I was about to blow him away. “Deal.” I said as I rose from the ground to get more lung capacity. I sat next to Joe.

Dwayne began to play the intro, and I let go. I sang like I would only sing for myself alone in the shower.

“I heard there was a secret chord that David played, and it pleased the Lord, but you don’t really care for music, do ya?” Joe ran his hand over my back, smiling at me, and I could feel his pride. “It goes like this, the fourth the fifth. The minor fall and the major lift.” I really put emphasis on the last line, “The baffled King composes Halleluiah.”

Trinity yelled out, “Wooo! Get it Y/N.” Her rowdy cheer spurred me on. I looked to see both Fatu families smiling at me. There was complete acceptance and awe in the eyes of everyone around the fire, and as I started the second verse, people wandered over from the second fire, wanting to hear me sing.

“Your faith was strong, but you needed proof. You saw her bathing on the roof. Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you.” The next line should be stronger, but I normally tried to hide my voice. Feeling encouraged, I did it the way it should be sung. “She tied you to her kitchen chair.” Trinity wooted again. “She broke your throne and she cut your hair.”The song built.

Jimmy yelled, “Get it sister Uce!

“And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah.”

I expected Dwayne to stop now, but he nodded at me as he played on. “Let’s hear it. Slay this verse!” I sang the chorus, lost in the music. Lost in the vibrations in my chest and my abs. “Halleluuuuuuuuujah.”

Joe beamed with pride at the crowd around us, which was growing considerably with each note. I noticed Jimmy had his phone out. I wasn’t sure if he was filming or if he was face timing our friends again, but I knew I was making Joe proud, so I ignored it.

“Well, maybe there's a God above, but all I've ever learned from love, Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya. And it's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light.” This was the big moment. I tried desperately to ignore everyone around me but Joe and I belted it out, strong and beautiful. “It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah.” The crowd around the fire erupted in cheers and applause.

I stopped, figuring that was enough, but Dwayne keep playing, prompting me to sing more. “Go on baby,” Joe whispered in my ear.

“Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah” I brought the song to a close.

I thought the cheers before were loud. When the song ended, everyone went wild with cheers, applause….. it was insane, and as pride washed over me, I began to feel guilty for enjoying the attention. “That was amazing!” Dwayne said as Joe pulled me closer into his side and kissed my temple.

“That’s my girl.” He said half to me and half to the crowd. He leaned close to my ear now. “Baby, that was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.” I looked to find him smiling at me, soft and gentle and full of pride.

“Do another one!” Trinity yelled, and the crowd started chanting “Another one. Another one.”

Dwayne laughed and looked at me. “What do you say?”

“Let someone else play,” I tried to generously cede everyone’s attention.

Someone yelled “Noooo!” loudly.

Dwayne laughed. “I think we found our winner. Game is over.” He gestured toward the crowd. “Your audience wants another one.” He poised his hands over the guitar.

My mind frantically scanned my memory to pick another song. It would have to be well known so Dwayne would know it. “Ummmm…. Somewhere Over The Rainbow?” I asked, and he answered by starting the song.

@mindofasagittaruis @lclb13

#joe anoa'i #roman reigns

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impalementation · 5 years ago

Note

What are your official takes on each of Buffy's major love interests?

i am…really afraid to answer this. heh. so i will put the caveat that i’m indulging myself here and am basically going to drive straight into headcanon territory. these aren’t really “takes” in a textual-analysis sense, and i’m not particularly attached to them. more like descriptions of how the relationships read to me. i’ll take them in chronological order.

buffy/angel: i think…that buffy and angel deeply and sincerely loved each other. but that love was wrapped up in a lot of other stuff that makes it hard to say what exactly it means that they loved each other. i think that buffy was a beacon of light in angel’s pretty sad and lonely existence, and that a big part of his love for her was the sheer joy of finding someone to love at all. the feeling of, oh god, i’m capable of really caring about someone. that’s how i see his characterization in light of becoming especially. (because so much of angel’s unhappiness is related to guilt-driven isolation and detachment, i find something nice in the fact that his love for buffy was a stepping stone to angel being more engaged in the world and able to care for people in general. not just buffy.) meanwhile buffy was a teenage girl, and angel was this confounding, yet romantic figure. i get a vibe like, angel is the hope that something beautiful can be made out of her dark and violent life. it just makes complete sense to me that buffy would be deeply drawn to the idea of a vampire with a soul, a vampire who rejects vampirism, in view of her own fears of losing herself to her calling*. it also makes sense to me that buffy goes back and forth between keeping angel close and pushing him away all through season three, because season three is a big season for identity. and angel, like faith, is strongly linked to buffy’s sense of self. i see her reluctance to give him up not just as a matter of loving him a lot, but of not wanting to feel like nothing beautiful can be made out of a life of slaying. especially given her guilt over killing him in the early part of the season, and especially since faith is busy transforming slaying into something ugly. but of course, angel’s unattainableness is also bad for buffy, because it magnifies these guilts and fears of hers.

*(this is also my read of her pretty intense protectiveness over spike in season seven. i don’t think her feelings towards him change because she sees him getting a soul as a big romantic gesture. buffy has never been impressed by spike making romantic gestures. i think her feelings towards him change because making something light out of something dark is very very important to her. like it’s at the fundamentals of her character. and that’s what spike did. so it’s important to her to protect it.) (this is also my read of why buffy is such a forgiving person in general. she’s desperate to make light from dark. hence why she takes it so personally when faith goes bad, and then rejects the many chances that buffy tries to give her. i think that buffy has a harder time being moved–or more like, letting herself be moved–by faith’s efforts towards redemption in sanctuary and season seven because faith made something dark out of something light first. and that initial choice, plus faith’s repeated commitment to it, scared the shit out of buffy. it’s her worst fear.)

buffy/faith: mainly doing this one because the subtext is so obvious and because faith was written in a way that has seemingly-if-not-actually-deliberate similarities with buffy’s other love interests. i see attraction on faith’s end, but in a ha-ha-just-kidding…unless? way. i see attraction on buffy’s end too, but in that way that is completely unable to register that it’s attraction, since it’s for another girl. that said. i personally think that if they had acted on an attraction during the run of the show, the plot would have still gone basically the way it does in canon. their relationship still would have blown up. because both of them have mad identity issues with each other, and that kind of thing doesn’t go away when you add sex or romance to it—it makes it worse (witness: season six spike/buffy). not to mention the fact that faith has a distinct pattern of weaponizing sex during seasons three and four. if buffy/faith were to ever happen in an actually-sustainable way, i see it happening post-series.

buffy/riley: i think one of the more unfortunate things about how this relationship was written is that it doesn’t feel like we get a ton of information about buffy’s side of things. why buffy likes riley. or even what the show is trying to say with the relationship at all. so you kind of have to read between the lines. i think that riley likes buffy because she’s different. he reminds me of an online dating message telling a girl she’s “intriguing” (“i’m sure every pretty girl has some guy telling her she’s a mystery” …yeah). i think that riley does really care for buffy, but he also wants to feel important, and an interesting girl makes him feel that way. up until it turns out that he can’t handle a girl being more interesting than him. i don’t think riley is a bad guy, but i do think that he and buffy had fundamentally incompatible needs, and he handled that realization badly. buffy, from what i can gather, seems to value his safety and loyalty. which is why the show has riley flirt with danger and disloyalty when it’s trying to introduce friction into the buffy/riley relationship (see: riley sleeping with faith, riley letting vampires bite him). i think ironically, buffy specifically wanted a boyfriend who was not stronger than her at this point in her life. but maybe gets off on the fact that riley has the aesthetic of strength. like, i think she likes having control over male strength and normalcy, likes being desired by it, after the whole drama of angel—in which she didn’t have much control. and at some point, that was always going to end up in conflict with riley’s insecurities. but riley’s insecurities blindside buffy because she never saw him as weak—i think she genuinely values safe, loyal people. she picked lovable outcasts as her friends, after all. i think she really admires those traits in riley, and is startled that they aren’t good enough for him. and maybe aren’t good enough for her, either.

buffy/spike: i think it’s a shame that people try to read a conventional romantic dynamic into this pairing as-written, because—in my opinion—it’s way more narratively and emotionally satisfying when you don’t. like i enjoy watching it, but i enjoy watching it because it’s dark and weird and ambiguous. i don’t think that they were writing a love story with these two characters. i think that they were writing a character story. it just so happens that character stories often make very compelling love stories, because of the time spent on…character. in fact, i think kind of the whole point of buffy/spike in seasons five and six is that spike thinks he’s in a love story, and the audience might be tempted to agree with him, but he isn’t*. i think the writers saw that buffy and spike were good at exploiting the vulnerabilities in the other, and leaned into it. why wouldn’t you exploit character vulnerabilities? that’s good drama. all of which is to say, questions like whether buffy loved spike romantically, or whether they could be good for each other, are sort of…uninteresting to me. they don’t feel like the point. the point is the self-knowledge that buffy and spike gain from being involved with each other. the big and uncomfortable things that they provoke each other into learning about themselves. it’s a specific kind of dynamic. one that is inherently intimate and not-incompatible with romance, but is still something other than romance. “i’ve seen the best and the worst of you”: that is the point of buffy/spike, to me. they are each other’s mortifying ordeal, and the payoff is that scene in touched. the payoff of being known is not a matter of being in a sexual or romantic relationship. the payoff is that when someone tells you they love you, you believe they love you. (this is why their final scene in chosen is supposed to be so bittersweet. both of them are trying to say that they understand and accept each other—only this time, the same history that made that understanding possible gets in their way.)

*(contrast with season seven, when he’s convinced up to his death that he’s not in a love story, but maybe accidentally is. and contrast with buffy/angel in seasons two and three when they think they’re in a love story, and they are in a love story. but that doesn’t mean they’ll be happy. and contrast with buffy/riley who aren’t in a love story, and know they aren’t in a love story. but haven’t quite accepted it. note how their attempts to pull off love story tropes in into the woods totally fail.)

#gen

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warsofasoiaf · 4 years ago

Note

Have you played Fallout 4? What did you think of it?

Joseph Anderson had a phenomenal video on Fallout 4. Although it is enormous, so be careful. Overall, there were things to like and things not to like about Fallout 4. I’ll start with what I liked first. Throwing a cut in here because it’s long.

Combat in the first-person Fallout games has always been clunky, and enemy AI relatively largely consisted of straight charging or shooting from as maximum range as possible. Difficulty came primarily from enemy quantity, high damage output, or incredibly enemy hitpoints. The last of these has been a particular Bethesda problem in their games, with enemies being incredible damage sponges, making late-game fights a boring slog as you slowly whittle down their health while being impossible to damage in any meaningful capacity. While enemy variations aren’t nearly as high as the game’s fans would have you believe if you conceive of them as AI patterns, the AI activity did have some nice variations. Human enemies used cover, ghouls bobbed and weaved as you shot them, mole rats tried to ambush you. It’s got nothing on games with fully realized combat system, but it does make the combat that you do engage in much more enjoyable.

All of the random crap you can pick up in a Bethesda game having a purpose is another positive. It is a true nuisance to find out when playing a game that I hit my encumbrance limit only to find out it’s because I’ve picked up a bunch of brooms, bowls, and other garbage accidentally while grabbing coin and other worthwhile treasures. Actually having these things mean an object is worthy mechanically, aside from level design; typewriters are useful as items as opposed to something that shows you that the ruined building you’re in was formerly a newspaper. As crafting is a big portion of the game, having these things provide component parts that you use for crafting on their own creates more utility in these elements of clutter which still require modeling, rendering, placement, etc. Now if you need aluminum, you’ll try to raid something like a cannery because it will have aluminum cans, which is an excellent way to create player-generated initiative. It also reinforces one of the primary themes of the game which is crafting and design, where even the trailers of the game suggest building as a key idea of the game. Certainly sensible for a post-apocalyptic game to focus on building a new society upon the ruins of the older one, and given what the game was trying to do with their four factions mechanic, it’s clear that this was their intent, and good job for trying to ensure that things factor back into their principal intent.

Deathclaws look properly scary, the animations with Vault Boy were funny, there’s some pretty window dressing. The voice work wasn’t bad, the notable standout being Nick Valentine. The Brotherhood airship was an impressive visual. I had a little fun creating some basic settlements, particularly in Hangman’s Alley where I tried to create a network of suspended buildings and Spectacle Island where I had room to grant every prospective settler a shack. Bethesda clearly looked to create a game with mass market appeal, and I believe the metrics bears out that they succeeded in that regard. The robots in the USS Constitution quest were very funny, the writers were able to make the absolute ridiculousness of the situation work (curse you Weatherby Savings and Loan!) and framed it well as a comedic sidequest, with a final impressive visual if you side with the bots and the ship takes flight.

Now that this is out of the way, I think that a lot of what Fallout 4 did was not the right move.

The quest design was particularly atrocious in this regard. Most of the radiant quests boiled them down to a simple formula - go to the dungeon, get to the final room where you need to either kill the boss or get an item from the boss chest, return. In this game though, the main story quests often were boiled down to just this simple formula. You need to find a doodad from a Courser to complete your teleporter? Go to the dungeon, kill the boss, recover the item. The Railroad needs you to help an escaped synth! Do it by going to the dungeon and getting to the final room. This really hampers the enjoyment of games because the expressiveness of the setting and elements of an RPG is often explored through quests. Quests are meant to get you out into the world and give you an objective, but they are also meant to connect you to the people that you’re dealing with. If every quest is boiled down to the same procedure, that hurts the immersion, but the bigger sin is that when you return you have another quest waiting for you. That robs the player of the sense of accomplishment because there is no permanent solution to problems, even for a minute. There is no different end-state for the player to see the transition from one to the other and feel accomplished that they were the ones who did it. Other RPG’s always understood this - a D&D game might have a party save a town investigate an illness dealing with a town, take out an evil druid who has charmed the wildlife into attacking supply and trade shipments, slay goblins who are raiding cattle, there are a lot of possibilities that might even feel samey: if you’re killing charmed dire wolves or goblin cattle thieves, you’re still going to the dungeon and fighting the boss, the usual flair and variation came from encounter design. After you’d do that though, the NPC’s might say “Hey, Mom is feeling better after you cured that disease, she’s starting to walk again,” “Hey, we were able to send a shipment of wine from the vineyards out to the capital, here’s some coin for the shipment as reward for your service,” or even just a simple “Hey, thanks for taking out those cattle thieves.” There’s a sense of accomplishment even if it’s a fleeting “we did a cool thing.” Computer RPG’s are tougher in this regard, part of the sense of accomplishment in tabletop gaming is also with your friends, it’s a shared activity, but usually in that the reward was some experience and character growth and going to new content. There isn’t new content here in Fallout 4 though, because of the samey quest design and lack of progression.

The conversational depth was also ruined, with so much of the voice choices mangled by the system of conversation they designed. By demanding a four-choice system, they limited themselves to always requiring four options which completely mangled interactivity. The previous menu design allowed for as many lines as you wanted, even if the choices were usually beads on a string. The depth and variation, however, are even lower than what could be found in games like Mass Effect 3, and the small word descriptions were often so inaccurate that it created a massive disconnect between myself the player and the Sole Survivor, because they weren’t saying what I thought they would be saying. That prevented me from feeling immersed, because a “Sarcastic” option could be a witty joke or a threat that sounds like it should come out of a bouncer. The character options were already limited, with Nate being a veteran and Nora being a lawyer, but this lack of depth prevents me from feeling the character even moreso than a scripted backstory. You get those in games, but being unable to predict how I’m reacting is something that kills character.

Bethesda needs to end the “find (x) loved one” as a means to get people motivated to do a quest, or if they don’t want to rid themselves of that tool in their toolbox, they need to do a better job getting me to like them. More linear games can get away with this, but open world games encourage the sort of idle dicking around that doesn’t make any sense for a person who is attempting to find a family member. Morrowind did this much better, where your main task was to be an Imperial agent, and you were encouraged to join other factions and do quests as a means to establish a cover identity and get more acquainted with combat. Folks who didn’t usually ended up going to Hasphat Antabolius and getting their face kicked in by Snowy Granius. Here though, what sort of parent am I if instead of pursuing a lead to find my infant son I’m wandering over east because I saw what looked like a cool ruin, and I need XP to get my next perk (another gripe, perks that are simple percentage increases because they slow down advancement and make combat a slog if you don’t take them, depressing what should be a sense of accomplishment). By making us try to feel close with a character but by refusing to give us the players time with them, there is no sense of bonding. I felt more connection to James in Fallout 3 than I did for Sean, but even then, I felt more connection to him because he was voiced by Liam Neeson than because of any sense of fatherly affection. The same goes for the spouse and baby Sean, I feel little for them because I see them only a little. I know that I should care more, but I also know that I the player don’t because all that I was given is “you should care about them.” You need time to get to know characters in game, along with good writing and voicework. I like Nick because he quoted “The Raven” when seeing the Brotherhood airship and I thought that was excellent writing, I didn’t have any experiences with Sean to give me that same sense of bonding.

They’ve also ruined the worldbuilding. The first-person Fallout games have always had a problem with this, with Fallout 3 recycling Super Mutants, the Brotherhood of Steel, and other iconic Fallout things into Washington D.C. Part of this is almost certainly the same reason that The Force Awakens was such a dull rehash of the plot of A New Hope, they wanted to establish some sort of continuity with a new director to not frighten off old fans who they relied on to provide a significant majority of the sales. The problem of course, is that this runs into significant continuity problems, now needing Vault 87 to have a strain of FEV and having a joint Vault-Tec/US Government experiment program there on the East Coast, so we can have Super Mutants. Jackson’s chameleon isn’t native to Washington D.C., but we need to have Deathclaws because they’re the iconic scary Fallout enemy, as opposed to creating something new with the local fauna, which is only made worse because they did do that with the yao guai formed from the American black bear (the black bear doesn’t typically range in the Chesapeake Basin near DC these days, but it’s close enough and given the loss of humans to force them back they could easily return to their old pre-human rangings). Some creatures are functions of the overall setting and can be global, ghouls are the big one here since radiation would be a global thing and fitting considering Fallout is a post-apocalypse specifically destroyed by nuclear war. Others though, are clearly mutated creatures and so they would be more localized. Centaurs and floaters were designed by FEV experiments and collared by Super Mutants, they should really only be around Super Mutants. Radscorpions shouldn’t be around, there would probably be instead be mutated spiders. Making things worse are that the monster designers do develop some excellent enemies when they think about it. Far Harbor has a mutant hermit crab that uses a truck as a shell (a lobster restaurant truck, which is passable enough for a visual joke even if it falls apart when you think about other trucks that they might use) and a monster that uses an angler lure that resembles a crafting component - these are good ideas but the developers needed to awkwardly shoehorn in iconic Fallout things that have no place there. This isn’t to say that I’m in love with a lot of Fallout’s worldbuilding, a lot of the stuff in Fallout 2 I found to be kind of dumb particularly the talking deathclaws, but as the series went on it took objects without meaning. The G.E.C.K in Fallout 3 was pretty much a magic recombinator which makes no sense as a technology in a world devastated by resource collapse, something similar can be said about the Sierra Madre vending machines.

Fallout 4 though, had a lot of worldbuilding inconsistencies that really took an axe to the setting. The boy in the fridge outlasts the entire Great War, but apparently never needed to eat or drink water. This is, of course, stupid, because ghouls have always been shown to need to eat and drink - Fallout 1′s Necropolis section has a Water Chip but if you take it without finding an alternate source of clean water, the ghouls will die. Ghoul settler NPC’s that flock to your player-crafted towns require food and water. The entire thing was ruined from a complete lack of care, to build a quest where you reunite a lost boy with his still-alive ghoulified parents. I think this one bothers me not simply because of the egregious worldbuilding which isn’t even consistent in the very game it’s written it, but it’s done so frivolously for a boring escort quest. It feels scattershot, and that’s the problem I think with a lot of Fallout 4′s quests. They feel disconnected, like every writer worked in a cubicle without talking to any of the other writers. Same with things like the Lady in the Fog.

Are we done with that? Good, because now we’re going into the parts that I really dislike - the main quest and the factions. These are just awful. The developers took what folks really liked when it came to Fallout 2 and Fallout: New Vegas (Fallout 1 did have interesting factions but they were largely self-contained, more towns than anything else) and completely botched it. New Vegas was the clear inspiration for these factions, with the four faction model of NCR, Legion, House, and Indepenedent meaning that there were four different ways to go forward into the future, so we get three factions that fight each other and a fourth more player friendly faction that roughly resembles the Independent Vegas where you can pick and choose which factions you bring in with you and which you get rid of. Thematically, this fits in with the core of the game, crafting is a big portion of what you do and so crafting what sort of world the Commonwealth would be is simply a logical extension of it. The factions aren’t presented well though. The Railroad are impossibly naive and don’t demonstrate any rougher edges like denying supplies to humans in order to fuel their synth effort, even though such a thing should be evident if the post-apocalypse of the Commonwealth is to be believed. The Institute are sinister murderers and replacers without bringing any of the advanced technology that could provide some benefit such as the gigantic orange gourd that can grow. So much of their kill-and-replace mentality seems to be done for no great overarching purpose. The Minutemen are basically blank, pretty much just a catch-all for the player-built settlements, though the player as the leader of the Minutemen ends up getting bossed around by Preston to the point of the faction rejecting your commands to proceed with the main quest, a significant problem with Bethesda factions where you are the leader but never get any actual sense of leadership. There doesn’t appear to be any addressing of the failures of the previous Minutemen whether that be the previous summit, or new problems such as settlements feuding with each other requiring the general to intervene and mediate. The Brotherhood come the closest to a real faction with advantages and drawbacks if you squint, they are feudal overlords with the firepower to fight Super Mutants and other mutated nasties, but also violently reject ghouls and synths as part of their violent dogma except for seemingly not caring when you bring a companion around or killing ghoul settlers in settlements they control. But even then, we don’t really see the Brotherhood providing protection to the settlements that they demand for food, the typical radiant quest to destroy a pack of feral ghouls or super mutants is directed from a Brotherhood quest giver to a randomly determined location, hardly a good way to illustrate whether or not the Brotherhood is actually protecting settlements that they administer. We see little change in the way of the Commonwealth save that certain factions are alive or not because the game needs to stay active in order to perform radiant quests, so not even the signature ending slideshows can give us the illusion of effects building off of our actions. This is contrary to the theme of building a better world in the Commonwealth because there is no building.

Special notice must be given to the Nuka-World raiders because they show the big problems with the factions. You can be a Raider in Nuka-World but only after becoming the Overboss, which is fair enough. But you’re already a Minuteman, but the Minutemen don’t activate any kill-on-sight order and Preston still helps you out. The game is so terrified of people losing out on content that they make permanent consequences rare, and when you do something like order an attack, it can be rescinded automatically if one of your companions is there. As an Overboss, you do grunt work in the Commonwealth, and the factions get mad and pissy if you don’t give them things despite even if you only give one section of the park to one of the factions, that’s more than they got from Colter. It’s like they don’t exist until the player shows up, which is exactly how a lot of modern Bethesda character and faction building seems to be. While in most computer games a sort of uneasy status quo is the desired beginning state because it gives the protagonist the chance to make ripples while justifying the existence of a status that allows the player to change it, it has to be applied consistently.

The main quest itself is silly. There’s a decent twist with Sean becoming Father that sort of works, which would have worked much better if we had actually gotten a chance to bond with him, although the continuity of everything gets wiggy quick. When he said that he looked over the world and saw nothing but despair, I was wondering if they were going to actually bring a big question up and a debate between Father and the Player, the idea of what worth the people on the surface have, but it goes nowhere, it’s a missed opportunity. The main quest is just a means to meet all four factions and it’s a barebones skeleton at best. There are some interesting concepts they try, but what they do often falls flat. They try to establish some sort of empathy for Kellogg in the memory den, but it’s lazy and cheap because he kidnaps a baby and wastes your spouse, a wasted effort of empathy only made worse when you get criticized for not showing any sympathy. Kellogg then shows up in Nick’s memory for one second and then that little story nugget is ignored. The half-baked nature of the story keeps being brought back up, which is a pity because we actually saw them do a competent job in Far Harbor. The Followers of Atom are crazy and they really aren’t sympathetic in any way, but some of the folks inside the sub aren’t so bad that it might prevent you from wanting to detonate the sub, or at least you might think enough that you look for another solution. DiMA did some monstrous things, and if you bring him to justice, the game actually takes the time to evaluate whether or not you helped out Far Harbor, with meaningful consequences being taken if you took the time to do the sidequests which imparts far more meaning to them.

While there’s a lot of problems that show up in terms of binary completion, the question of whether to replace Tektus and turn the Children of Atom to a more moderate path is a good question, it actually gives a lot more merit to the Institute if they were ever to have been shown to enact the same level of care. That only makes the Fallout problems stand out more, because it shows that they were capable of it but didn’t. This isn’t the only missed opportunity, synths themselves become a big problem. The goal was to create a very paranoid feeling but it was so sorely under-utilized that I never grew suspicious of folks because the game never gave me enough incentive to be suspicious of them. I didn’t think that Bethesda made synths that would give you false information or ambush you because that would have been potentially missed content. The idea of whether you are a synth or not is clearly an attempt to give the game more depth than it is presenting. You’re not a synth, Father’s actions make no sense if you are one, and DiMA attempting to make you think you are is silly because you know you aren’t one.

I think the game would have been much better if they had dropped the notion of Fallout entirely. If they had instead looked to create an open-world post-apocalyptic game focusing on crafting and building towns, perhaps with an eventual goal state of building many towns, establishing transportation networks, and rebuilding a junkyard society as a decent place (or going full Mad Max Bartertown complete with a Thunderdome for players looking for an evil and over-the-top option). That might have been an interesting game for Bethesda to potentially develop a new IP, even contracting with smaller studios for those who wish to tell story-heavy games in the setting. Instead, they applied Fallout like a bad paint job, cobbling together weak RP elements and story that made the game feel like a hydra that couldn’t recognize it was one being with multiple heads, constantly tearing the other parts of itself to ribbons.

If I wanted to further improve it, I think I would have instead made the spouse a synth. It would require some serious reworking, but I would have made it so that Sean did believe that synths were people, or that they were real enough that the difference was negligible, they had free will. During the initial grab, the Institute took the entire cryopod where Sean was, baby and parent both. They used Sean to create the next generation of synths, but something happened with the parent, and they died during defrost. Sean hates the Institute for what they did, but what happened was truly a medical complication, not malicious in any way. When he learns that the player character is active, he creates a synth programmed to believe they are the spouse. He believes that exposing who he really is to the surviving parent would be traumatic, and as he hears that the player character is thriving, he wants to give them a chance at a normal life, and to alleviate the loss that he had in his life with the loss of his own parents. So the spouse is sent to you, and for a long time, you and the spouse have no idea. You adventure together, you build settlements together, the game encourages you to have a good relationship. It doesn’t have to be hunky dory, and I’d argue it’s actually better if it’s not. Have the spouse be programmed with some rough experiences in the Wasteland, so they’re nervous, skittish, maybe even a little resentful that the player character snoozed their way through everything, but slowly rebuild the relationship. That way, when the quest eventually comes where you find the truth, the player character has to confront that reality. Then when you confront Sean, Sean explains himself and the player is given the choice to forgive him, be understanding but still angry, or be hugely pissed at the manipulation. That’s drama that uses the core theme of what synths are about with the whole kill-and-replace motif the Institute does. There’s a plot twist that batters the player, there’s one that’s just messy and gross and tough to reconcile. There’s one where the conclusion the player comes to is valid because it’s the player themselves deciding what the meaning of it is.

So overall, I see Fallout 4 as a bunch of missed opportunities and clumsy writing wrapped up in the popular shallow open-worlds that triple-A games end up having.

Thanks for the question, Jackie.

SomethingLikeALawyer, Hand of the King

#fallout 4 #fallout #video game reviews

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lalalamedown · 4 years ago

Text

10 questions tag!!

Long post, I'm sorry

Tagged by @safetypineapples 💗🥺 thx

👀rules: answer 10 questions and leave 10 more for the people you tag!

1. Who would you bring to your ult group's concert?

So I had this virtual friend from Brazil. We met because we had the same sun and rising sign and then found out we were born (1 year and) two days apart and called each other "twin". I loved her so much, and still do. When we met she said she didn't like kpop but now she's crazy for Blackpink. At one point we went south and eventually stopped talking, even though we both miss each other and know the other one does too (it's a complicated situation). Since Blackpink is one of my ult groups (along with Stray Kids) and is also her ult group, I would take her to their concert. Damn that was long

2. What language do want to learn?

Korean, but I'm already working on that. ☺️ I'd like to learn Japanese but I don't really have the motivation. A big part of the content I consume everyday is in Korean, so that's a great source of motivation. Also I want to improve my English as much as possible.

3. What is the worst ice cream flavour?

That's a hard one... I could easily tell you the best flavour but idk if I've had enough ice cream to know the worst. Probably chocolate tho, it's nasty and completely ruins the delicious treat that is chocolate.

4. What did you major in? Or what are you planning to major in?

I'm still in high school and I can't see myself doing anything that doesn't have to do with animals so I'm planning on going for Veterinary Medicine.

5. How did you get into kpop?

Buckle up guys, this is gonna be a crazy ride. This happened in 2015/2016. I saw a bunch of people talking about about kpop on the internet and my limited brain thought Kpop was the name of a group so I looked it up on YouTube and watched some BTS M/V but didn't think much of it. So, one day I was looking for some content about Jeff The Killer on Wattpad (awful choice) and stumbled across a Jeff X reader fanfic. It wasn't exactly what I wanted but why not, right? Turns out the reader was dating Jungkook and was in a dance group with BTS, then he cheated on her I think and she killed him and danced in his place in some competition. Then, some how, Jeff got in the story and they banged and tried to kill each other or something. I think she even gets pregnant. Idk. But I managed to go from that to stanning BTS. I also remember the second BTS fanfic I read was Jimin X Jungkook, and in the first chapter one of them couldn't walk already. I really started off on the wrong side of the fandom lol

6. Which country do you want to live in?

I'd like to live in Korea or maybe USA, but not for long. 1 to 3 years. Though I think I'm just gonna stick to Portugal. But I'm probably going to move to the mainland (I'm from Azores).

7. Something you want to say to the leader of your country?

Not much, I'm not really into politics, only that he slayed those blue shorts. I actually like him. For some reason this pic of him (Marcelo Rebelo de Sousa) 👇 went viral a while ago. I think it was something about him being a person and just another citizen instead of a public character/persona.

8. Do you want play any instrument?

When I was younger I was learning to play the clarinet but one day my father forgot to pick me up and I never wanted to return. Now I'm trying to learn how to play the ukulele by myself.

9. What kind of student are you?

I used to be the kind to get good grades without trying to much but at one point It started getting harder and I had never learned how to study so it was fucked up. In addition to that there's depression and an education system that doesn't quite work for me (or for most people). Now I'm recovering a bit but it's really hard. So I'm the kind of student that can't focus on class, "learns" as we solve exercises, gets home exhausted and with no motivation but some how still manages to not fail any class

10. What extreme sport would you like to try?

Tbh, none 😂😅 I'm the biggest pussy.

Tagging: @girl-grouplove @seuljin only if you want of course 💗

My questions:

#About me #Tag game #10 questions #Tagged

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adamatomic · 5 years ago

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Design of Doom Eternal

Wanted to jot down some thoughts while they were still fresh, and I hate writing threads on Twitter, so, here we are.

(Surprise! Male game designer has DOOM OPINIONS. BEHOLD LOL)

First, disclaimers: what follows is super subjective, pretty picky, and likely unjustified. I love a good mobility shooter - Doom 2016 and Titanfall 2 are the only western shooters I really enjoy, and each do super interesting things spatially, mechanically, etc. However, I’ve never worked on any kind of FPS type of game, and never worked on a AAA game, nor shipped a game during a global pandemic, and there’s a lot that I don’t understand about what goes into making this kind of thing, much less how it’s even possible. Making a followup to a well-loved and hugely successful game is also a terrifying prospect. Finally, I am about to "dwell” on what I perceive to be “negative” things about the game, which is pretty unfair, because there’s a LOT of positives (it’s fun, it’s gorgeous, the load times are crazy short, the vistas slay again, amazing accessibility options, perfect audio, etc etc). But I think this is a game where a lot of the positives are really in your face, and what again I personally perceive to be the negatives are a little bit harder to put your finger on. And this isn’t a review, and definitely isn’t yucking anyone’s yums. This is me trying to figure out why this one feels a bit different to play. Hopefully the unanimously positive reception of the game by literally everyone everywhere (including myself) balances out whatever acid might be in these queries.

OK!

Jungle Gyms Versus Canyons

Ok, so. Doom Eternal is structured a lot like 2016 in that it’s corridors linking big wave-based arenas, which is a good structure for a game about shooting all the things. Arenas can be flat-ish or tall-ish. Tall-ish arenas seem to roughly come in two flavors: jungle gyms, and canyons. Jungle gym arenas are the ones that I feel like took centerstage in the marketing and gameplay of Doom 2016, as a way of showing off the double-jump / ledge grab / launchpad vertical mobility stuff, and because they make narrative / thematic sense in the human-built oil rig environments that comprise much of Doom 2016′s level architecture. Jungle gyms are distinguished somewhat from canyons by generally having what feel like distinct “floors”, or solid planes creating multiple separated levels of combat. Canyons, even if they have some transverse traversal elements, are more open and chaotic, with less concrete divisions between elevations. I’m belaboring this essential difference because it has a bunch of second-order effects on gameplay - jungle gyms allow you to jump from skirmish to skirmish, you can use your mobility options to “interrupt” combat, while canyons are more continuous. Jungle gyms usually have more obstacles (like the aforementioned distinct floors) which make it slightly harder for long range enemy attacks to land, which reduces the overall ambient damage-soak.

The key thing about all these arenas - flat open spaces, distinct jungle gym environments, and canyon style playgrounds - is that you definitely want all of them in your game, because the strategy and tactics for playing these fights changes a lot based on these constraints. When do you want a roof over your head? When do you not? When do you want your back to a wall? These are valid and important differences for these games specifically, especially when basic resource management strategies in these encounters is pretty similar, and because the enemy behaviors and attacks have so much variety.

So far, though, Doom Eternal feels like it has a WHOLE LOT of canyons, and NOT a whole lot of jungle gyms. It’s possible that this changes later in the game, so take all this with a big grain of salt. But the first 3-4 hours of gameplay are really dominated by canyon-style vertical arenas, which isn’t necessarily ideal in terms of variety (and makes you angst a little harder for the wall-run affordances of other mobility shooters). They also tend to be slightly same-y, outdoor, rocky environments, versus the more oil rig-inspired, recognizably human-scale mining structures of 2016 (I’m sure this changes later in the game too). The oil rig-inspired stuff also lends itself to jungle gyms a lot more naturally, so I feel like these choices of arena shapes and environment types are kind of an interconnected and difficult problem.

None of this would really even qualify as a problem, either - this is nitpicking nitpicks, at this point - except relying on canyons so much exacerbates some of the “fussiness” of the combat changes (those are next). For me, anyways - I’m not sure anyone else is feeling like these are problems haha. And it’s a big game, so I’m not sure how much this stuff changes across the whole campaign yet!

Tactical Ballistics

A Doom thing I adored in 2016 and am continuing to enjoy in Eternal is the way ammo, health, and other arcade-style upgrades are thoughtfully placed around the arenas. It’s a nod to the strongest parts of Vanquish’s level design, and goes all the way back to using coins in Super Mario to lure players out to new places they might not explore otherwise. It’s a huge part of what gives the nu-Doom arenas their “chess-like” feel, and shifts the fights away from Serious Sam-style battles and makes them into four-dimensional puzzles. 2016 doubles down on this tactical approach by leveraging a kind of resource triangle of chainsaw kills, glory kills, and just plain firefights.

A lot of Eternal’s design seems committed to upping the ante on all of these strengths. Lower ammo capacities puts more pressure on the chainsaw kills. There’s a new technique called “flame belch” that turns the resource triangle into a resource square to accommodate armor. Monsters have “weak points” now, shortcuts that change their behavior or get you fast glory kills. It’s a pretty compelling jigsaw puzzle of abilities.

It also places a lot of strain on player attention and cognition, because all this is running on top of straight-up arena-wave firefights (with 7+ enemy types at a time, all with unique behaviors and optimal strats) AND beefy mobility controls (swinging, dashing, double-jumps, ledge grabs, launch pads, etc). It’s kind of a lot. But I don’t think this is necessarily the place for saying “this is DOOM, man, you got to keep it simple, just shoot the monsters, how come there’s even upgrades” or whatever. For so many reasons, but the primary of which is that most of this stuff rules, and throwing it away would suck. So what do you do?

I want to focus on two small, specific things that really stand out to me - I’m not totally sure that they’re actually “bad”, but I think they have a lot of weird secondary and tertiary effects that contribute to some perceptions of “fussiness” in some of the battles.

Weak Points

This is a big enough change that it is repeatedly tutorialized through video on every loading screen, after every game over, and after every new enemy is introduced... so I know it was on the designers’ radar haha. And it's an interesting addition - chess fights in Doom are already about hierarchies, and adding another tiny hierarchy within an existing hierarchy is a NICE bit of tension to add, it gives a kind of scrambly feeling that is good overall. The issue for me arises from an apparent or perceived damage scaling issue around these weak points. For example, the optional sniper rifle upgrade to the heavy cannon and the optional sticky bombs upgrade to the shotgun insta-wreck the arachnotron and revenant enemies’ weak points, while sustained plasma rifle fire doesn’t seem to ever do the job. Which makes sense on paper - this is a nice way of putting pressure on the player’s weapon choices and ammo, which is what it’s all about. Although I guess you could argue that it’s also all about movement, and that this particular combat pressure has a pretty tenuous relationship with mobility in general.

Either way, it means you spend a lot of time squinting at your weapon wheel mid-battle to see how many shots your shotgun still has, because you ran out of chainsaw fuel a while ago, and are still being actively bombarded at a pretty long distance (because its a canyon and not a jungle gym). I know, I need to git gud, trust me, i KNOW. But check out the weapon wheel ammo display size in Doom 2016 versus Doom Eternal:

I love the new color scheme and ammo icons in Eternal! But it’s 3-4x harder to read the actual, very important ammo counts.

All these small changes add up to something that feels like a pretty different gameplay experience compared to the more spatial (read: movement-based) and literally easier-to-read resource management stuff from 2016. Which, it’s a sequel - failing to sufficiently differentiate it is its own huge risk. And, to be fair, 2016 had its fair share of fussy (though more legible) weapon switching. But when you add this stuff up, the matrix of considerations in moment-to-moment combat in Eternal is pretty different from 2016, and I think it largely comes down to the damage scaling around the weak points. While you can technically choose to play through battles without leveraging weakpoints (thus sidestepping most of these cascading issues), this approach is heavily incentivized by the major behavior changes that happen after you hit weak points (in addition to the constant tutorializing) and the waves appear to have been balanced around taking advantage of these things. Whether or not these are even flaws, technically, whatever they are is exacerbated by the UI design of the weapon wheel AND the relatively popularity of the relatively unobscured canyon arenas. So it’s hard for me to judge weak point damage scaling in a vacuum.

Overall, these new combat options make the arenas feel more constrained and more prescribed. Design is a nightmare this way: sometimes by giving people more choices, you’re actually giving them less. My pitch for a small tweak that might engage with some of these issues would be to keep weak points, but get rid of the damage scaling and maybe make the hitboxes a little bigger. The goal here is NOT to make weak point enemies easier so much as to open up options about what weapons you can use against them, thereby reducing wheel squinting, thereby freeing up more attention to movement and all the other stuff that ruuuules about nu-Doom in general.

Also, I should clarify that it’s entirely possible that I completely imagined the weak point damage scaling, and am a big dummy with bad aim.

Flame Belch

This is a pretty small thing, there’s this new “flame belch” move, intended to complement the existing chainsaw and glory kill moves as a way of “farming” resources from combat, one of the things that really defined Doom 2016. It differs in one huge way though, in that it has to be committed to BEFORE killing a monster. Chainsaws and glory kills ARE kills. Flame belch adds a status instead, which is “cashed in” later when you do the kill. If chainsaw kills and glory kills and BFG shots are Super Mario jumps, Flame Belch is more like a Tony Hawk jump - it starts early and is carefully calculated. Which is pretty dope!! But in this environment where weak point damage scaling and canyon layouts are already putting huge strains on the player’s attention, it feels like a big ask. The “triangle button” mechanic from 2016, the BFG, was a kill move with cool-down, so really I’m just suggesting stuff they already tried anyways. There’s no way this is news to anybody, much less the developers haha.

But... I would love to play a build where flame belch was totally a thing, just it was a finishing move, not a status thing. Let it plug into that reload-replacing resource-farming punctuation pacing flow. That shit rules.

Of course, I have to wonder what the unintended secondary and tertiary consequences of these suggestions would be. Good action games are often tenuous and deeply interconnected things where results are really hard to predict. Maybe they already tried these ideas and they sucked, or they know their own game a lot better than I do, and have a big stack of reasons this stuff would suck for most of their player base.

But wait...

Where The Hell Am I?

Last section, I promise.

I am extremely not going to weigh in on whether or not Doom games need “Story” or not, or what that even means.

But...

If you are driving a monster truck, it is probably pretty fun to see a big line of cars in front of you, and know that you are about to drive all over those cars, and that at the end is a really big fancy car... and you are going to drive over that too.

The general conceit of Doom 2016, that you are on one end of a Mars base, and you need to get to the other end, and in between is a whole lot of cars demons, is a good one. It has good monster truck-ness.

So far this is something that I’m struggling to extract from Eternal. I’m not really sure who any of these grumpy folks are, or where it is that they are, or why I am going down this corridor (aside from the very Doom-like fact that it is the only corridor around).

The problem for me is decidedly NOT that I don’t understand the slayer’s emotional whatever, or that I haven’t been painstakingly expositioned into the specific hierarchies of the demon universe, or anything that I think would normally be described as a “narrative”. For me, it’s that I don’t get to sort of soak in the anticipation of the loooong line of cars I’m about to crunch.

Does Doom need a story? Idk. Doom might need a lot of about-to-get-crushed cars though.

Finally finally finally, and this is highly subjective, but I think the slayer is just more fun when he’s an X factor or a rogue agent. NPCs recognizing the slayer feels sort of weird to me? The feeling that he is a fly in the ointment I think is stronger and sexier when he’s like... outside the canon, almost. I’m not totally convinced that having him Kratos around is as fun as having a bunch of demons and priests both confused and terrified of what this dude is doing.

I need to get back to family stuff. They let me sit here and type this out, which was very kind of them. Only five tantrums so far. Either way, I’m looking very forward to playing more Doom Eternal...

...just as soon as I finish designing 17 more shirts in ACNH.

Hope everyone’s staying home and staying safe! Rip and tear, friends. Rip and tear <3

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janiedean · 6 years ago

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jaime, pia and perceived ideals of knighthood vs effective knightly deeds

for jaime lannister week, day seven: free choice [in this case: META DAY? APPARENTLY.]

so, for the occasion I figured I’d rant about a specific instance in jaime’s asos/affc arc that might be a tad overlooked as it features a minor character but that I think is really important to his arc/his character evolution, as in: how his subplot concerning pia in both books actually shows that while he thinks he turned into the smiling knight, for someone he’s been arthur dayne all along and how actually pia is about the one person to whom he’s never not been anyone or anything else else, which should in turn suggest that he’s been arthur dayne deep down for way longer than he himself thinks.

first of all, I would like to go into the canon instances on which jaime himself reflects on the issue:

The world was simpler in those days, Jaime thought, and men as well as swords were made of finer steel. Or was it only that he had been fifteen? They were all in their graves now, the Sword of the Morning and the Smiling Knight, the White Bull and Prince Lewyn, Ser Oswell Whent with his black humor, earnest Jon Darry, Simon Toyne and his Kingswood Brotherhood, bluff old Sumner Crakehall. And me, that boy I was . . . when did he die, I wonder? When I donned the white cloak? When I opened Aerys's throat? That boy had wanted to be Ser Arthur Dayne, but someplace along the way he had become the Smiling Knight instead. ASOS, Jaime VIII

"When I was a squire I told myself I'd be the man to slay the Smiling Knight."

"The Smiling Knight?" She sounded lost. "Who was that?"

The Mountain of my boyhood. Half as big but twice as mad. AFFC, Jaime IV

"You could kill Lord Beric, Ser Jaime. You slew the Smiley Knight. Please, my lord, I beg you, stay and help us with Lord Beric and the Hound." Her pale fingers caressed his golden ones.

Does she think that I can feel that? "The Sword of the Morning slew the Smiling Knight, my lady. Ser Arthur Dayne, a better knight than me." AFFC, Jaime IV

now, there are a few things we can deduce from these (there’s more on the arthur subject, but the crux here is the contraposition):

jaime has a very idealized view of his squiring period, obviously, because it’s the one time in which he was doing what he felt like he was born to do (being a knight) and in which he was part of an heroic quest/deed (slaying the smiling knight) that he carried out with his role model (arthur dayne);

the smiling knight himself is compared to gregor clegane, ie the worst person we could think of in these series;

in jaime’s head there’s a definite dichotomy in between arthur (extreme good) and the smiling knight (extreme bad);

jaime wanted to be like arthur (which he has no problem admitting now post hand-loss) but thinks that he turned into the smiling knight ie the worst possible other end of the specter, so he’a actually making himself look worse than he actually is as nothing he’s done in canon until that point is comparable to what gregor did if we stand by that comparison;

jaime *told himself he would slay the smiling knight* ie he dreamed of being the person who’d carry out that quest - it earned him the knighthood and he took part in it but he didn’t exactly do it as he points out later, as he says that arthur was a better knight than he was.

now, while we could discuss for ages about how jaime’s extremely idealized view of arthur and the rest of aerys’s KG doesn’t necessarily match up with reality (I mean, we don’t know much about what arthur was up to during the rebellion and we’ll never know until we get a direct account of what happened at the tower of joy but the man died trying to prevent ned from reaching his dying sister after his side lost the war, after rhaegar died and so on, which doesn’t look exactly knightly to me or at least it’s fairly morally gray/shady from the elements that we have), but the point I want to make here is that the way jaime sees it, he completely failed to uphold knightly vows, hasn’t measured up to his role model, turned into the kind of monster that he was dreaming of slaying when he was young and ponders when exactly that switch happened. and he mentions as possibilities a) when he went into the KG, b) when he killed aerys.

before I move on to the actual point, though, I’d like to point out one moment what is actually the oath knights swear when being anointed, as per ASOS and The Hedge Knight:

[..], do you swear before the eyes of gods and men to defend those who cannot defend themselves, to protect all women and children, to obey your captains, your liege lord, and your king, to fight bravely when needed and do such other tasks as are laid upon you, however hard or humble or dangerous they may be?

In the name of the Warrior I charge you to be brave. In the name of the Father I charge you to be just. In the name of the Mother I charge you to defend the young and innocent. In the name of the Maid I charge you to protect all women....

so, very shortly and not counting the ones about obeying one’s commander or liege lord, the crux is protecting innocent/weaker people including women and children who can’t defend themselves any better.

so, jaime thinks he’s done nothing of that and that he’s not doing anything of that. fair enough. follow-up under the cut for length.

now, on to pia: before going on to how she matters in his arc, we should keep in mind that from what we know from arya’s chapters in a clash of kings:

Arya heard all sorts of secrets just by keeping her ears open as she went about her duties. Pretty Pia from the buttery was a slut who was working her way through every knight in the castle. Hot Pie was kneading bread, his arms floured up to his elbows. "Pia saw something in the buttery last night." Arya made a rude noise. Pia was always seeing things in the buttery. Usually they were men. Tothmure had been sent to the axe for dispatching birds to Casterly Rock and King's Landing the night Harrenhal had fallen, Lucan the armorer for making weapons for the Lannisters, Goodwife Harra for telling Lady Whent's household to serve them, the steward for giving Lord Tywin the keys to the treasure vault. The cook was spared (some said because he'd made the weasel soup), but stocks were hammered together for pretty Pia and the other women who'd shared their favors with Lannister soldiers. Stripped and shaved, they were left in the middle ward beside the bear pit, free for the use of any man who wanted them.

so: we know that she’s a serving hand (so she’s a woman of low birth who has virtually no protection whatsoever), that she’s good-looking and that she most likely enjoys having sex (nothing bad about that)… but that people shame her for it (see the first quote). we also can deduce that she was willing in her enjoyment of sex and so on… but the last that we know from arya’s chapters, when roose conquers it, she’s stripped and shaved and left free for use for having slept with lannister soldiers, so we can add that on top of that she most likely was raped and we can deduce that not many people would have considered it such after because of her previous reputation for promiscuity.

now, what happens after is that qyburn sends her to jaime figuring that he’d appreciate it:

“I understand you had a visitor last night,” said Qyburn. “I trust that you enjoyed her?”

Jaime gave him a cool look. “She did not say who sent her.”

The maester smiled modestly. “Your fever was largely gone, and I thought you might enjoy a bit of exercise. Pia is quite skilled, would you not agree? And so . . . willing.”

what we can deduce here is that qyburn sent her to jaime after the whole part where she was put up for *free use* by any man who wanted her and he still says she’s willing, which is actually true but more on that later, but to qyburn it really doesn’t matter most likely because of her previous fame. also he talks about her as if she’s not a person with feelings (she’s skilled, you enjoyed her etc.), while jaime does not sleep with her out of faithfulness towards cersei, but what’s interesting is how pia said she saw the entire thing:

“She had been that, certainly. She had slipped in his door and out of her clothes so quickly that Jaime had thought he was still dreaming.

It hadn’t been until the woman slid in under his blankets and put his good hand on her breast that he roused. She was a pretty little thing, too. “I was a slip of a girl when you came for Lord Whent’s tourney and the king gave you your cloak,” she confessed. “You were so handsome all in white, and everyone said what a brave knight you were. Sometimes when I’m with some man, I close my eyes and pretend it’s you on top of me, with your smooth skin and gold curls. I never truly thought I’d have you, though.”

Sending her away had not been easy after that, but Jaime had done it all the same. I have a woman, he reminded himself. “Do you send girls to everyone you leech?” he asked Qyburn.

“More often Lord Vargo sends them to me. He likes me to examine them, before . . . well, suffice it to say that once he loved unwisely, and he has no wish to do so again. But have no fear, Pia is quite healthy. As is your maid of Tarth.”

Jaime gave him a sharp look. “Brienne?”

now, never mind that the entire exchange ends up with jaime finding out that brienne is in danger and it’s just before his dream and the bear pit as in, his Extremely Knightly Moment in asos which is also relevant as that episode (while not the first knightly thing he does after losing the hand since saving brienne from being raped while on their road trip would count) is the first major gesture of the kind he does: we know that after she was most likely raped repeatedly, she got sent to *him*, and we find out that she’s actually been thinking of him in extremely knightly terms all along since she saw him getting knighted. now she says she was a slip of a girl so she most likely was around four or five and she still remembers that he looked handsome and brave (knightly virtues) and that when she’s with other people she pretends it’s jaime making love to her, to the point that she can’t believe her luck that she’d actually end up with him. now, he refuses (even if he finds it hard), but he’s most likely one of the few people (if not the only one) who would have done that and he also doesn’t appreciate qyburn basically whoring her out, so at least he’s giving her some basic respect… but the point here is that to pia he sounds/looks like the embodiment of everything he thinks he’s not (brave/knightly) and she’s been thinking that since he went into the kingsguard ie one of the two moments that in the above quote he thought might have been when he turned from arthur into the smiling knight, which therefore would *not* match her idea of him as a splendid example of knightly valor… in theory.

now, at this point, regardless of what happened in between arya leaving harrenhal and jaime getting there, pia still seems to not having undergone through massive changes since what we saw in acok - she’s still pretty, she enjoys sex and she definitely is willing at least when it comes to the one man she’s been having an idealized crush on for years and that she thinks of when having sex with other men.

then jaime goes back to harrenhal in affc before heading for riverrun and he meets her again:

Any hopes he might have nursed of finding Shagwell, Pyg, or Zollo languishing in the dungeons were sadly disappointed. The Brave Companions had abandoned Vargo Hoat to a man, it would seem. Of Lady Whent's people, only three remained—the cook who had opened the postern gate for Ser Gregor, a bent-back armorer called Ben Blackthumb, and a girl named Pia, who was not near as pretty as she had been when Jaime saw her last. Someone had broken her nose and knocked out half her teeth. The girl fell at Jaime's feet when she saw him, sobbing and clinging to his leg with hysterical strength till Strongboar pulled her off. "No one will hurt you now," he told her, but that only made her sob the louder. +

“Take the whore as well," Ser Bonifer urged. "You know the one. The girl from the dungeons."

"Pia." The last time he had been here, Qyburn had sent the girl to his bed, thinking that would please him. But the Pia they had brought up from the dungeons was a different creature from the sweet, simple, giggly creature who'd crawled beneath his blankets. She had made the mistake of speaking when Ser Gregor wanted quiet, so the Mountain had smashed her teeth to splinters with a mailed fist and broken her pretty little nose as well. He would have done worse, no doubt, if Cersei had not called him down to King's Landing to face the Red Viper's spear. Jaime would not mourn him.

"Pia was born in this castle," he told Ser Bonifer. "It is the only home she has ever known."

"She is a font of corruption," said Ser Bonifer. "I won't have her near my men, flaunting her . . . parts."

so, what happens is that when gregor (as in, the person jaime compared the smiling knight with before) was in harrenhal he smashed her teeth with a mailed first because she spoke out of turn and as per what the next quote says, she’s also been repeatedly raped again, and she’s definitely way traumatized and in a position of absolute helplessness… and she throws herself at jaime’s feet most likely seeing him as a possible savior - let’s remember that she’s idealized him as a brave knight all along, and he does promise she won’t be hurt, which is what he technically should do per his knightly vows. now, when he tries to argue for her staying in harrenhal, ser bonifer ie the person appointed to mind the castle in his absence says he doesn’t want her around because she’s a supposed whore regardless of how bad off she is right now. he could have ignored the issue, but he doesn’t and takes her as a washerwoman in his own army, and with that he already removes her from a place where she would have been even less safe than usual, but the important thing is in the next part:

Pia listened as solemnly as a girl of five being lessoned by her septa. That's all she is, a little girl in a woman's body, scarred and scared. Peck was taken with her, though. Jaime suspected that the boy had never known a woman, and Pia was still pretty enough, so long as she kept her mouth closed. There's no harm in him bedding her, I suppose, so long as she's willing.

One of the Mountain's men had tried to rape the girl at Harrenhal, and had seemed honestly perplexed when Jaime commanded Ilyn Payne to take his head off. "I had her before, a hunnerd times," he kept saying as they forced him to his knees. "A hunnerd times, m'lord. We all had her." When Ser Ilyn presented Pia with his head, she had smiled through her ruined teeth.

now: never mind that jaime (who as we all know is not the kind of person who reacts with a shrug when hearing/knowing someone has been raped or he wouldn’t be feeling guilty about his inaction with rhaella nor he’d have risked his hide to save brienne from it thrice two of which were post-hand loss and in one of those he wasn’t even able to stand by himself) always thinks that if she has to bed someone the important thing is that she’s *willing* nor thinks less of her for he promiscuity, which for westeros is fairly progressive all things considered… but he gives her the head of the guy who tried to rape her and by his own admission did it before *a hundred times* same as other soldiers in his group, and… she smiles through ruined teeth ie she doesn’t even care about hiding it, when later she takes care to cover her mouth when she speaks around other nobles. also, we can discuss that when she and peck start sleeping together jaime tells them to use his bed and:

The squire turned beet red.

"If she'll have you, take her. She'll teach you a few things you'll find useful on your wedding night, I don't doubt, and you're not like to get a bastard by her." Pia had spread her legs for half his father's army and never quickened; most like the girl was barren. "If you bed her, though, be kind to her."

"Kind, my lord? How . . . how would I . . . ?"

"Sweet words. Gentle touches. You don't want to wed her, but so long as you're abed treat her as you would your bride."

now: obviously he can’t tell his squire (who is still noble) that he should marry a woman who is a commoner, most likely barren and way older than he is, but he tells him that he still should treat her *as if she was* until they sleep together, and his standard for how you’d treat your bride is sweet words and gentle touches which most likely is not what pia’s gotten until this point much if ever, and throughout the entire thing while he is attracted to her and he doesn’t deny it to himself he still doesn’t act on it. and meanwhile since she’s still traveling with his army of which he’s in command she’s in a position of relative safety, never mind that if people know that he ordered beheaded the guy who tried to touch her when she wasn’t willing she definitely isn’t under that risk right now.

back to the beginning, what are the knightly vows again? protecting innocent/weaker people including women and children who can’t defend themselves any better. what has jaime done with pia on her end? he didn’t sleep with her nor treated her as a commodity, he has quite literally protected her taking her into his service when she was in danger, he’s made sure that she wouldn’t have to sleep with anyone she didn’t want to, has respected her agency and gave her the head of at least one of the guys who raped her, which considering that the person hurting her was *gregor clegane* ie the man he’s roundabout compared *himself* to in asos if we go by the smiling knight = gregor comparison… it’s kind of the entire opposite thing and absolutely counts as fulfilling every single knightly vow he made since he protected/saved/avenged a woman in a position of absolute helplessness about whose agency no one cares because everyone decided that since she likes sex then she must always want it.

the thing that’s important though is that by doing that… he’s pretty much proved her right, in the sense that if she’s always imagined him as the brave handsome knight since she was a little girl and he had just been anointed and she always idealized him to the point where she’d think about him when being with other people because obviously his idealized self would be everything she might want then he about went and proved her right regardless of any other shortcoming of his or regardless of any horrible thing he might have done before or after, because to her he most likely would be a knight out of songs since he did waltz in, promised no one would hurt her after it happened to her and actually delivered on it in spades.

but, while for *her* it’s definitely the case, jaime himself doesn’t think of it in very knightly terms, at most we have:

“Ser Harwyn says those tales are lies." Lady Amerei wound a braid around her finger. "He has promised me Lord Beric's head. He's very gallant." She was blushing beneath her tears.

Jaime thought back on the head he'd given to Pia. He could almost hear his little brother chuckle. Whatever became of giving women flowers? Tyrion might have asked. He would have had a few choice words for Harwyn Plumm as well, though gallant would not have been one of them.

now, he’s thinking of it in the context of a romantic gesture since it was described as one before, but then he says gallant wouldn’t be one of those words and he doesn’t really register what he did as *gallant* or knightly while most likely pia would. also, he’s comparing himself to both the smiling knight and gregor (in another quote later he dreams of punching in the teeth one of cersei’s lovers the way gregor did while he’s still working through how betrayed that made him feel, but thing is, he doesn’t act on that at any point except when he punches ronnet for brienne and it’s nowhere near as bad as what he describes himself as) but he behaves in the entire opposite way since at least in pia’s case gregor about ruined her life and he avenged it/helped her/did what he could for her which is about more than most likely anyone ever did, and to her certainly everything he did would indeed look as knightly as it goes.

but like the entire point is that jaime doesn’t think of the knightly deeds he actually pulls off as such - he doesn’t think that of saving brienne’s life at the bear pit/saving her from being raped/giving her oathkeeper when brienne herself definitely sees them as such as in her affc chapters she keeps on thinking about both instances as proof that he’s Definitely A Honorable Person, he doesn’t think that of what he does with pia nor of anything else positive he’s ever done/does, which ties with the overall arc he has in which he has to realize that he can still be the person he wanted to be. in asos he thinks he turned into the smiling knight when he’s never been all along, in both asos and affc he does behave following the code when he can and hates not being able to when he can’t/when he’s forced to (see having to take riverrun when he says he has sworn to not raise arms against the tullys and he hates it) but he still doesn’t seem to have taken the leap and realized that he actually behaves in entirely different ways than he thinks (see that he thinks he’s the same as cersei when most of the things he does/he cares about are the entire contrary), so the subplot with pia shows that he’s actually doing that without realizing it… with the twist that, going back to the beginning:

he thinks he turned into the smiling knight (= gregor) sometime along the way when he wanted to be arthur dayne, then he’s the literal knight in shining armor to a girl who was hurt by gregor and his father’s men who always thought he was pretty much the embodiment of the institution same as jaime thought arthur dayne was, and it’s a girl who has no idea of anything else he might have done other than killing aerys and she obviously doesn’t care since she doesn’t mention it when she goes to his bed the first time. so there is someone to whom he was an arthur dayne all along, and the moment he could do something for her, he actually delivered and definitely was arthur dayne to her, not the smiling knight, and she’d know since she was hurt by the man jaime himself compared to him first. now, it’s important because everyone else that has had a chance to know that jaime actually does have that potential is people with whom he has an actual rship/who have seen him at his worst/with whom he has unresolved Issues To Solve ASAP (I’m meaning mostly brienne and tyrion - brienne didn’t like him whatsoever in the beginning and with tyrion there’s the whole matter of the tysha backstory which obviously ruined the high opinion tyrion had of him even if I think it’s salvageable) but in this case pia already thought she was arthur dayne As A Paragon Of Knightly Virtues (not as how arthur actually was which is as stated an entire other issue in itself) and he lived up to it without even realizing he was doing it, but he doesn’t even think once about whether he shouldn’t help her or he shouldn’t give her the time of the day. like, he doesn’t really consider doing otherwise or not giving a shit about what happens to her regardless. which should also automatically suggest that it’s actually in his nature to do the right thing/follow the basics of his vows. obviously he didn’t realize that but as finding out he has it in himself to be the person he wanted to be when he was young and that he didn’t turn into a gregor stand-in is I think one of the main themes in his arc, I also think this specific subplot really underlines how he’s still in the middle of figuring it out while also stressing that regardless of what he thinks about what he is or what he became, he can be arthur dayne As A Paragon and that he can deliver on that/be what he always dreamed he could be for someone who already saw him as that paragon and whom he hasn’t disappointed in any other way.

in short: by helping someone who exactly meets all the criteria for ‘category he swore to protect when taking his vows’ when this person already saw him as a paragon, he’s actually contradicting his own assessment of his morality/honor or lack thereof, because while he thinks he wanted to be arthur dayne and turned into the contrary, to other people he always was arthur dayne and when he could show them that he could be, he delivered on those expectations, differently from what most others did to him, and I find it quite a beautiful if heartbreaking parallel and also definitely a not so small hint that his overall storyline is going towards realize that he, in fact, isn’t the smiling knight at all and never actually has been.

#jaimelannisterweek #jaime lannister #gotjaimelannister #jaime lannister week #pia #asoiaf meta #ch: jaime lannister #janie writes meta #huh i managed to write this finally #HAVE SOME META FOR FREE FOR ALL DAY i guess #also apparently i tagged wrong the previous two fics lmao i'm a genius am i not? brb retagging #do i have feelings about jaime and pia? most likely #will i ever stop having them? never

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ae0nx · 5 years ago

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FRUITS BASKET EPISODE 15

It’s a pretty chill one this week! Nice... pleasant... So therefore, it’s gonna be short haha I kid, it is kinda short but there’s still a bit to unpack.

- There was a lake episode? (I feel like this episode and the beach chapters have merged together in my mind) Although, it feels good to not remember anything! This will be fun

- I’m noticing how the new opening feels a bit... jarring. The 2001 opening and the previous ‘Again’ opening kind of held the spirit of Fruits Basket, with its slow moving yet emotional ballad and the slice of life of it all yet also being very emotive and heart wrenching. Whereas this fully encapsulates the feeling that Tohru brings into the zodiacs’ lives, yes, but I think it’s a bit too energetic? But I have a feeling the creators made a purposeful move with this opening to serve it as a palate cleanser as we move deeper into the manga and more into... emotionally taxing scenes... hmm..

I actually forgot myself and fell for Shigure’s fuckery as well. This episode has made me weak towards him, someone remind me what an awful person he is, please.

FUCK. It’s too early in the morning for me to get in my feelings. If I had a kid like Tohru, I’d spend 80% of my time crying (out of happiness and worry).

- I also love how majority of this episode is Kyo and Yuki making a 😯face at Tohru. Adorkable.

- Tohru just be falling off cliffs and shit, huh... 🤭

AW! SHIGURE! Looking out for Hatori! Being a good friend! Not being a scumbag! And that FACE! I can’t stay mad at that face. But in all seriousness, it was really nice to get this scene between Shigure and Hatori as I was beginning to question their friendship. Brb, I’m making my ‘Shigure has a heart’ placard. (I know he’ll disappoint me later but then I’ll have the joy of destroying something beautiful later)

- Kyo wanting to fight Yuki and his rat friends... 😂BOYYY, IF YOU DON’T-

- ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be laughing. You were in the middle of a SERIOUS argument’ God, I love the sarcastic inflection there (english dub), but it’s not too pronounced because Tohru is still Tohru. Soooo gooooood

- I’m pretty intrigued by the constant ‘yin and yang’ nature of Kyo and Yuki’s relationship. I know a lot of it falls on their positions in the zodiac and the ‘cat and rat’ nature of their beings. But they tend to kind of point in the same direction most of the time and work in a very interesting synchronisation with each other even when they don’t want to. I don’t have much to really say about it besides that, so I’ll wait for further episodes when it’ll hopefully go deeper.

I don’t know what it is about this scene but I am so drawn to Hatori in this.

Is it the glasses?

Is it the fact that he’s wearing casual smart wear? (I almost gave outfit appreciation to him but I felt the need to join in a roasting session instead - wait for it)

Is it the fact that he’s sitting so elegantly with his crossed legs?

Or is it the fact that he simply called Shigure’s book ‘revolting’?...

It could be all four points. <3

- Oh jeez Aya really is exhausting. When I was 16, Aya was my favourite and I loved him but now ten years later, I’m just a bit... exhausted lol I still love him though

I was considering not doing an outfit appreciation but shoutout to Kyo and that Adidas sponsorship. We’re all so proud of you for getting this opportunity and we hope that you’re getting paid well, my dude. Slaying it in that black and white, Haru is shaking... (I’m sorry I just wanted to join in, this is the best joke in the tag right now - you guys are too much 😂) 2 out of 5 stars because he basic but I also want that hoodie too.

- I wonder why Aya gave the photo of Kana at her wedding to Hatori? Did he want him to go after Kana? Or was he using it as a motive for him to find closure with Kana?

- I do find a bit unfair for Aya to blame Kana for Hatori’s hurt... Was it even Kana’s choice to get her memories erased? Or did Hatori just want to end her suffering the way he felt was best? But either way, I do understand that it’s in Aya’s very passionate nature to blame Kana (even if it isn’t totally right). It’s only natural to his character and his loyalty to Hatori

- OH GOD. Right. I’m blind. I just noticed there was a parallel going on between Hatori/Shigure/Ayame and Tohru/Kyo/Yuki. In each of the groups, there are two friends trying to push aside their own feelings (Kyo and Yuki) or wild personalities (Shigure and Ayame) to try and make that one ‘friend who holds the group together’ feel better.

- But also... Hatori’s comment on wanting to protect the younger kids from the same fate... made me feel like the episode was hinting that this love that Tohru has for both of the boys has the potential to break her heart as badly as Hatori’s has been hurt. And I just felt a slight pang in my chest... ok.

- Lol that hint at a future relationship... not obvy at all, anime. Not obvy at all... 😏

This was a fun, refreshing, breather of an episode. Fully encapsulated what it’s like to be near a lake as a vacation spot, now that I think about it. Don’t remember next episode either. And I’m ecstatic! But I also really wanna write that ‘Shigure in 2001 version vs Shigure in manga/2019 anime’ essay and really put all my Shigure feelings to bed but I’m gonna have to rewatch the 2001 version and I don’t wanna do it yet cos I’ll end up remembering stuff! (Also I guess it won’t be accurate until this current season is over - assuming this anime hits all the same beats and episodes as the 2001 version) So I guess I might just keep it in my back pocket for a while. See you next week!

WAIT... WHAT ABOUT THE BEAR?!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket 2019

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leah-jeffries · 5 years ago

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I can’t believe it’s been over a week since BookCon rolled out of here! Now another 300-something odd days until the next one and I’m already anticipating BookCon 2020. Insane, right? Before this year is over, I’ve gotta tell you about what went down during one of the biggest bookish weekends in the world.

I’d been at BookExpo 2019 so by the time BookCon rolled around, the pair of us were tuckered out, our feet were in pain and I was anticipating the large number of convention-goers that would make their way into the enormous glass building. Now if you’ve never been to BookCon, it’s pretty much like BookExpo, but on steroids and with a much bigger fan experience. If you had to measure it against something like New York Comic Con, it’s really like a fourth of what that is. Though, I have to admit that this year was probably the highest attended BookCon the two of us have ever seen! I’ve been going since 2014, so it’s been a good part of a decade that I’ve had the pleasure to watch it grow.

Now if you didn’t know, the folks that run BookExpo/BookCon have an enormous social outreach. Besides all the standard platforms they have accounts on, they always make it a point to update their app through the respectable stores (in our case, on the Apple App Store) where they seem to have EVERYTHING. It lets you plan your schedule, check out who will be attending, what sort of events are happening, and even lets you connect with other people who will be attending in the community.

Okay, so I knew that BookCon would be a place where I go to really check out how exhibitors shift their focuses between the industry-targeted BookExpo and the standard community-targeted BookCon. And I knew that people were more excited since there were some heavy hitters that would be in attendance (I feel like it was really about all the celebrity authors this year).

So Saturday morning, I knew I was going to come early just because I love seeing the show floor right when it opens and what exhibitors are offering in their programming and materials to hand-out in the first wave of attendees. When I woke up and on my way to the city, I couldn’t help but peek in on the official Facebook group to see if people were really out and about for the conference already (I was up by 6am) and of course, there WERE people who had been talking about how attendees had been there since practically 4am! There were some really big book lovers out there, which I am totally on board for, but definitely not as big myself.

Saturday seemed like a wild day and honestly, the busiest that I had seen the 4.5 days between Book Expo and Book Con. And according to a few articles (particularly on PW), it was the busiest and most-crowded. I’m not surprised since Saturdays seem to always be the biggest when it comes to conferences and conventions. There were people EVERYWHERE and not enough freebies to spread amongst the increased con-goers (which I know a lot of people were disgruntled about) according to most attendees chief complaints that I read about.

To be honest, writing this a week later, the events are all a blur. So I’ll stick to the highlights.

Back to Saturday! To be honest, the biggest thing that happened that I was really hoping to score was THE TOLL from Neal Shusterman. When the cover was revealed a few weeks ago, I hadn’t thought in my wildest dreams that they would be creating advanced galleys (no matter how limited) for the ARC OF THE SCYTHE trilogy, let alone dropping them during BookCon. From conversations that I had with publishers over the duration of Book Expo, it seemed like they were holding back a lot of their promotional materials until Book Con, which I found pretty surprising. So when RivetedLit announced that there were scythes walking around the floor with envelopes that told you if you were “the chosen one” or not, you bet your tush that I bolted in search of them. I have no idea how many times I asked if they had something for me and how many enamel pins I ended up with and honestly, that was the biggest hardship I faced the entire weekend. With their tote bags full of envelopes, I was convinced that that these galleys didn’t exist. Apparently, there were 25 of them but I sadly, did not get my grubby hands on them.

September isn’t too long from now, right? (-sobs-)

(Also, I can’t deny that I waited until the end of Book Con on Saturday in hopes that S&S would do a drop of it since that was what happened with AN ENCHANTMENT OF RAVENS during Book Con 2017. It was my biggest regret leaving early.)

I feel like I tried to steer clear of the bigger booths that had the more ‘coveted’ giveaways happening (like HarperCollins and Penguin Random House) because there always seemed to be an endless stream of people, but I definitely didn’t stray from Simon & Schuster and Hachette. While they were buzzing with people, they had more opportunities for attendees to interface. RivetedLit had a fun lollipop (though people seemed to line up HOURS in advance with no promise of a free book) wall where you picked one at random and the color on the bottom fo the stick indicated which of their most-talked about titles you would receive. And if you got a blank one, you still got a lollipop out of it (which I certainly approve of).

Between the two of us, we got WINTERWOOD by Shea Ernshaw, SLAY by Brittney Morris, and PERMANENT RECORD by Mary H.K. Choi (I only got a lollipop on Sunday!). I gotta say, those were great choices. I had hoped to get THE LADY ROGUE by Jenna Bennett since it sounded so EPIC and I loved the premise, but again...September isn’t too far away...right? (-anguished sob-).

My two other highlights of Saturday was meeting Claire Legrand, author of so many delightful young adult novels, but she was there at SourceBooks to promote her latest release, KINGSBANE, the second in the Empirium Trilogy (aka one of my favorites in recent years). The first fifty in line received a complimentary finished copy of KINGSBANE while anyone thereafter got a copy at a discounted price. And let me say that there were A LOT of copies.

I only got a few seconds with Claire Legrand when it was my turn to meet her and I always feel like I’m taking too long by chatting with them (and I always love getting a photo of them signing their book), so I just tend to be awkward and always keep in mind to tell them to have a great time while they’re there since I know how insanely exhausting it can get. She is always a delight to meet and always decked out in a lovely outfit.

She was also giving away her preorder enamel pins which I’d missed out on since I procrastinated, so I was so glad I was able to snatch one for my pin board!

My other signing that day was with Joan He - again, a fleeting moment because I knew there were many people in line who wanted a chance to talk to her and I really would rather have that time devoted for those who want a real moment with her. I was so excited to meet the author of DESCENDANTS OF THE CRANE since it is a jaw-dropping, edge-of-table-gripping story. And honestly, how am I supposed to resist a diverse spellbinding story???

I spent the better part of the weekend on the show floor and saw a lot. It’s really no surprise that there were lines everywhere you turned. I can’t exactly figure out the best way for exhibitors to eliminate their lines other than dropping tickets in the morning or reserving them through an online system (like autographing area tickets), but I can say that if there weren’t lines, I think it would be such a great opportunity to network and get to know publishers more. I feel like a lot of the times, bloggers and people from the media (at least small-press media) get a terrible reputation at Book Con and other bookish conferences is because there’s very little room to develop that relationship between publisher and media. 99% of the time, people in both roles are behind the screen and working for corporations that do not allow for much face time.

Sunday was pretty much the same, but I still enjoyed walking around all day despite having been through the show floor MULTIPLE times in the week I’d been there. It’s just always fun to see what new things exhibitors are doing and to see the demographics of the attendees. According to PW, it was majority white women in their 30s-40s. While that doesn’t surprise me in the slightest and I did see a number of POCs on the floor, I was disappointed that there was not more catered to bringing in those bigger numbers. It was definitely startling to see the sea of “whiteness” when there were plenty of authors/illustrators with culturally diverse backgrounds in attendance and being promoted.

Truth time, I really wanted to devote my mornings on the weekend to finding totes. If you’ve ever been to one of these conferences before, you know there always seems to be totes flying everywhere from every booth, but it didn’t seem like the case this year. I’d sadly missed out on this AMAZING tote giveaway supporting Karin Slaughter at Blackstone Publishing during Book Expo, but I made up for it by claiming one of their really cute ‘Crazy Book Lady’ totes which is now in my collection of totes to use as my casket lining when I die :).

The only things we had to attend were our autograph signings. We had Sandhya Menon, Cora Carmack, and Tasmyn Muir/Kel Kade.

Cora Carmack went pretty smoothly. We’d met her earlier that week during her signing for RAGE and we’d wanted to get some of her backlist titles signed, so it was pretty delightful to see her. We’d decided to skip Sandhya because we were disappointed in the rule of having to purchase a book at full price, especially when her books were being sold at the Simon & Schuster for half price.

Tasmyn Mui and Kel Kade were signing on Sunday and it was our lightest day when it came to a schedule. We were pretty excited for GIDEON THE NINTH which boasts a cast of lesbian necromancers, so what is not to love? Especially when V.E. Schwab blurbs it, amirite? Also, Tasmyn and Kel were TERRIBLY delightful.

While we were waiting in line for the signing to start, there was a kerfuffle behind us and it seemed as though they’d run out of books for one of the authors which was pretty shocking to me. These autographing sessions are booked WEEKS in advance and while I know there is some negligence on part of the Book Con staff (people who just let other people without tickets in), I just couldn’t believe how short the number of books had been and it didn’t seem like it was a one-time mishap. There were multiple complaints across the Book Con official group in the days following Book Con and I dunno if I would have been okay with it had I been waiting a while for books that I thought I was going to get and ended up not geting (and believe me, there is a lot of waiting).

Two things that jumped out at me on the floor were the very family-oriented activities happening on the other side of the show floor hall. While the right side was condensed with all of the publishers, the left side was left quite empty and most of it dedicated to the queue hall for attendees to line up in the morning. But when you looked around that section, you might have noticed that there were many more merch booths and an area dedicated to a Family Headquarters where families had their own activities and programming. While I don’t have my own family, I thought it was really nice for Reedpop and Book Con to parter with the Children’s Book Council to cater to families that would be attending.

Not only was the event committee catering to them but also a few of the exhibitors They had tables and little (what I assume were workshops or activitiy time) tables where kids and parents could sit and do a variety of things like color and decorate activity sheets. This has got my 100% approval stamp all over it and of the kids that I saw there, they seemed like they were definitely having a lot of fun!

The other thing that jumped out at me that I briefly mentioned above and was probably my favorite part of the whole Book Con experience was the section that had exhibitors selling bookish merch. You don’t know this, but I am an avid collector of bookish merch like prints and enamel pins. Anything that is artfully done and for a fandom of mine, I will throw my money and bank account at without a second thought. I was actually really excited to explore it and while I’d browsed through it at Book Expo, it seemed to definitely bump up with a few more vendors during Book Con.

Sadly, I don’t have photos documenting that part, but I will definitely link anything I bought below that has a buy page or product look for you in case you want to check it out!

ChickLit Designs had a booth where you could spin a wheel and win a prize! Between the two of us, we won a lovely Rifle Paper Co.-esque Oscar Wilde quote print and a $10 off one of their products! Since they did have inventory there, we naturally had to buy something to avoid shipping costs.

"The Secret Garden" by Frances Hodgson Burnett - Phone Case

I was delighted to see Wick & Fable there since I am an enormous fan of their products! They had a really cute booth setup and there was no shortage of people looking to buy their stuff! I’m not too familiar with their store, but I understand that their website is pretty much their candles and subscription boxes. While they were selling their candles, they were also selling (what I assume to be) exclusive products from their monthly boxes which typically cannot be found online outside those boxes (which means $$$). While I desperately wanted to purchase their gorgeous Grisha/Six of Crows shadowbox frames, I just didn’t have $35 to shell out for them as much as I wanted to. I didn’t walk away empty handed though. I’m a sucker for THE CRUEL PRINCE and again, if I see anything that catches my eye, I will buy it. So I had to score the below pin!

The Cruel Prince Enamel Pin

Speaking of Cassandra Clare (no, I know that Holly Black wrote THE CRUEL PRINCE, but I always feel like I see Cassie and Holly together), I also couldn’t help but pick up the gorgeous tarot deck from the Topatco booth. Once again, gotta love any chance to save on shipping costs (though I had hoped for a discount, no matter how small).

Shadowhunters Tarot Cards

The only other thing I bought was from a booth I’d been eyeing all week and debating on buying from. If you aren’t familiar with Pinch Me Therapy Dough, it’s basically like a stress ball or kinetic sand - something meant to help you if you’re feeling anxiety, stress, anger, etc. I hadn’t known about this brand until I saw it in an Instastory of Tahereh Mafi’s. What is special about these ‘doughs’ is that they have a really soft, cool texture and are infused with the NICEST SMELLING essential oils. It’s really hard to find a product where the aromatherapy doesn’t go overboard and I couldn’t help myself. The woman there was selling them in large and small sizes as well as sample size packs. After some good smelling time, I settled on the very first one that I’d smelled and really loved.

Pinch Me Therapy Dough - Holistic Aromatherapy Stress Relieving Putty - 10 Ounce Relief Scent

They are a little pricey and I only got a small size (it was $15), but I really think it was worth it and it has me wanting to get more of them (Chill and Sun were two other scents I loved) but I think I’ll wait until I see the company at another conference and save the shipping fee!

I was surprised to see a lot of subscription box companies there, but were really only there to promote their boxes as a whole. Had they been like Wick & Fable and sold more of their separate pieces from their boxes, I think that would have made a HUGE difference. I understand that maybe there wasn’t inventory or they didn’t want to break away from their “subscribe to our box” branding and slashing prices, but I just don’t get how you wouldn’t want to make a bit more profit with such a good opportunity!

What my wishlist for Book Con 2020 is to have more of these vendors AND an Artist Alley. I know it’s odd to think of one outside of comic con conventions, but I’ve seen so many amazing pieces of artwork for books that I think it’s such a missed opportunity for there not to be at this sort of event where people are so willing to put down a few dollars to be able to visualize their favorite stories. And it would give conference attendees an opportunity to get away from the crowded lines of the main show floor and people who are just waiting on loved ones or need time to kill!

Until next year, Book Con. :)

#bookcon #book con #book con 2019 #bookexpo #book expo #book expo 2019 #bookcon 2019 #event #events #bookexpo 2019 #books

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