#student humor
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mycatsaidwhat · 1 year ago
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things i’ve heard college students say pt. 29
-you may be into Sucky mpreg but some people believe the holocaust didn’t happen
-humans should have a mating season where we all congregate in a river once a year to find love like salmon 
-granted, there is a difference between being a momma’s boy and being Normon Bates 
-Only in a poli sci class would you get a picture of the live action winne the poo and Kim Jon un next to one another 
-“get ready for the met gala with me!!” influencer vlogs showing up on my suggested as if I don’t make $10.73 an hour 
-no way that dog had a blog, dogs can’t read 
-in god we bust
-every guys wants to be a golden retriever boyfriend until they wake up with no balls 
-graphic design majors are like the diet soda of the art world 
-if i could choose between having a successful career and lying down i would choose lying down 
-today’s graduation is sponsored by plan b
-going down on a woman and tying her fallopian tubes with my tongue like a cherry stem 
-most of the world’s problems would be solved if more billionaires disappeared in submarines 
-you come face to face with god at a 24 hour ihop
-she lemony on my snicket until there’s an unfortunate event
-took a shit in the gender neutral bathroom, call that a she/it
-the tornado dodged us cause someone told it that it had to pay a cover for every bar it destroyed
-can I have a cars 2-themed blowjob, please
-the best thing Taylor Swift has done recently is get some girls to consider that they may be the problem
-“I’M LITERALLY SO FERAL” no Ava you’re just drunk and white
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tastefullyoffensive · 7 months ago
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21 Funny College Professors That Make Me Wish I Went To College
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sunscreenstudies · 2 years ago
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Iconic Things My Coding Professors Have Said (Part 14 - the last one [for now])
Student: “what would you say is the best part of working there?”    Speaker: “that’s easy. it’s being able to work at home with my cat instead of having to travel to work and being away for 12 hours a day. Also, it probably saved my marriage”
“POV: I’m a woman written by a man having breakfast. So I’m going to act very sexually, dancing around the kitchen in my underwear, suggestively licking pancake batter, not caring about fire or oil splash or, you know, the dangers in kitchens themselves. I think I’m even going to go wild and eat half a blueberry at the end”
Speaker: “It got to a point where i would be standing under the shower having imaginative conversations with incels”   Student: “but the important thing is did you win those arguments?”    Speaker: “of course i did!”
“it’s still just a computer, and we all know how stupid computers can be”
“Here is an image of wonder woman and immediately, its obvious that she’s in an incredibly seuxal position despite being in the middle of a fight. And this isn’t even the worst photo I found, but I had to keep it pg13”
Speaker: “another thing you should know is that we all have cats. like. literally all of us”   Student: “is pet insurance included?”
“The homework is, as usual, awesome, because you’ll work on some great case studies!”
“I’ll give you tips how to to do well in this degree, which I fondly call the self-help section”
Prof: “Hildegard of Bingen claimed to get divine visions from God which made her the mesenger to the masses”   Student “Like the middle ages chat gpt”   Prof: “yeah, kind of, except chat gpt is more believable”  Student: “ooohhh”   Prof: “hey! don’t blame me! Or her! it was the patriarchy’s fault”
"and finally, let’s go to the last group, who not just left a permanent mark on the table, but also on my life"
"these are all such lovely interesting beautiful drawings... can i take them?"
“basically this is photoshop for the digital humanities”
Prof 1: “Because Guibert uses "et” at lot. “Et” this, “Et” that, “Et” cetra- OH MY GOD"  Prof 2 “... You only just now realised that that’s where it comes from, didn’t you?”
"I'm also questioning my taylor swift fan-ness because of the situation thats going on with her at the moment - i don't know if you know about it, but its a really hard time for me right now"
Student: "sounds mysterious"   Prof1: "it is, but i promise you, its going to be incredibly underwhelming"   Prof 2: "no its not! we've got markers!"
“the map is disjointed and doesn’t scale correctly because j.k. rowling… well… if she doesn’t care about basic human rights, then i doubt she cares about her geographically inaccurate map”
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8
Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14
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blinkbones · 2 years ago
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i love studyblr people who write with the precision of a 3D printer and act like that’s normal
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justcatposts · 8 months ago
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She's just trying to pay her student loans
(Source)
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catchymemes · 11 months ago
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colby-jac-cheese · 13 days ago
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Some Jobcorps humor
*minor inconvenience* "I'm willing to get termed over this"
"OSHA VIOLATION"
"That's a write up" "do it you won't"
*unexplained beef between trades claiming to be the best*
"Thats not very employment readiness of you"
"I'm resigning" "no, not allowed."
*lightly tapped* "ASSULT! IM DYING!"
"You could volunteer for *unenjoyable activity*" "I'd do it for a positive on my card 👀👀"
*spots an issue that is a certain trades job to fix* "where is *trade* when you need them? (Even better if it's the person's who's saying it trade)
"Summer camp prison" when describing jobcorps
"At least we're not in *other dorm*"
"It could be worse. You could be in *other center/trade*"
"You can't say/do that anymore, we're federal employees!"
"I'll stop *breaking minor rule no one cares about* when the government stops trying to kill me" (usually said by a minority of some kind)
"F<ck yeah! Government *basic necessity like water, blankets, shower supplies*"
"That's it, I'm unionizing." "We can't unionize. Most of us are minors."
(When traveling somewhere other than the state the center is in) "wow look at all this *construction work of various types*. The jobcorps kids here must have *various trades similar to the construction type*"
"I want you all to *do task after work hours* for me" "do we get paid over time?" (Spoiler, we don't.)
"I'm tired of this grandpa!" "That's too Damn bad! You keep *insert task here*"
"I'm not paid enough to care about that." (Usually involves some unnecessary drama)
"Stop complaining and enjoy the free health care."
*coming back from getting blood drawn/vaccines* "I got stabbed!"
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daily-spooky · 1 year ago
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mostly-funnytwittertweets · 2 months ago
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lolmemez · 2 years ago
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The graduation project
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mycatsaidwhat · 1 year ago
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things i've heard college professors say pt. 15
-type “humpty dumpty sat on a wall humpty dumpty had a great fall” with no spaces and no regrets 
-I sincerely don’t sit around reading the wills of people from 16th century Stratford-upon-Avon
-do we have a federal department of education? *reluctantly* yes we do 
-okay. It’s 10:30 and I’m cold and mad. 
-I was assigned to read Macbeth and was like what the fuck, I want to play Nintendo 
-That sounds like something said by someone who wrote 12 historyplays 
-I googled today, which I really suggest you guys do 
-not to bring up florida,
-current event: balloons!
-(cytogeneticist) I make a lot of money saying I don’t know. It’s a pretty sweet gig.  
-*someone comes into the classroom looking lost* is there a meeting in here at 11?
(professor) no i don’t think so, this class goes until 11:30
*person leaves* 
(professor, turning back to the class) probably a serial killer 
-Yeah, and then Shakespeare was like I never fucking loved you– 
-The three typical sources of creative nonfiction essays are the unconscious mind, literature, or the trauma of our lives. Now none of these are technically untrue–
-you don’t have to be smart to understand Shakespeare
*alarm starts going off on student’s phone* 
OH GOD I’M SORRY IM BEING SMITED 
-“In which the men spend several hours taunting each other with speeches and thwacking each other with sticks.” Yes. That sounds perfect. 
-This is, like, nerdy shit I’ve learned over the years 
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pinoytiktok · 2 years ago
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(support the original tiktok: @/gesterrr!)
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xyymath · 13 days ago
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Things Math Professors Say
"The proof is trivial." (Oh, cool. Guess I’m just an idiot then.)
"Left as an exercise." (Translation: You’ll never solve this in a million years.)
"It’s obvious, really." (Sure, if you’re a demigod.)
"By inspection." (Stares harder at problem… still nothing.)
"For small values of epsilon." (How small? Subatomic? Microscopic? Vibes?)
"WLOG (Without Loss of Generality)." (Oh, we’re just assuming it doesn’t matter now? Alright.)
"Details omitted." (Because apparently, you don’t need to understand it.)
"By the usual argument." (Which you somehow don’t know because you weren’t born in 1702.)
"Assume the rest holds." (That’s some impressive optimism right there.)
"The usual abuse of notation." (Why does this feel like an emotional wound?)
"Almost surely correct." (But also possibly wrong? Cool, thanks for the clarity.)
"A non-rigorous approach." (I thought math was supposed to be precise?!)
"Assume it’s obvious." (Buddy, NOTHING about this is obvious.)
"The reader may verify." (No, the reader may CRY.)
"To the interested reader." (Guess I’m not interested enough, huh?)
"Well-behaved functions only." (We’re function-shaming now?)
"Obvious to the trained eye." (Guess I’ll never make it out of amateur league.)
"A trivial case analysis." (Trivial to WHO??)
"Integrate by parts, twice." (Bold of you to assume I got it the first time.)
"As you can clearly see." (Oh, I clearly see my FAILURE, alright.)
"It works in practice too." (Unlike me, who barely works at all.)
"Assume a spherical cow." (Are we doing math or abstract sculpture?)
"A standard result." (Not in my standards, pal.)
"We skip the tedious algebra." (No, no, please—I wanted to suffer MORE.)
"Assume non-zero solutions exist." (Okay, now we’re just assuming life works out.)
"The usual topology." (Bro, I don’t even know the unusual topology.)
"Finitely many cases left." (Just kidding, there’s 72.)
"By virtue of symmetry." (Virtue? I have none left.)
"Don’t worry about the constant." (The constant is probably my GPA dropping.)
"Assume continuity." (I’m assuming my brain is breaking.)
"Smooth functions only." (Guess I’ll leave, I’m clearly not smooth enough.)
"The simplest non-trivial case." (Simplest? NON-TRIVIAL? Pick a side!)
"Epsilon goes to zero." (Epsilon isn’t the only one losing it.)
"And the rest follows." (Where? Straight to my breakdown?)
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allthatispeculiar · 1 month ago
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ukiyoebirds · 9 months ago
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While broken bonds mend, some things never change.
@krazycat6167 helped workshop the joke.
You may need to click on the image for better quality.
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fromgoy2joy · 3 months ago
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when a goyishe student says something in Judaism class that is so bad, that every Jew in the class lets out an audible noise
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