#student humor

[mycatsaidwhat]

things i’ve heard college students say pt. 29

-you may be into Sucky mpreg but some people believe the holocaust didn’t happen

-humans should have a mating season where we all congregate in a river once a year to find love like salmon 

-granted, there is a difference between being a momma’s boy and being Normon Bates 

-Only in a poli sci class would you get a picture of the live action winne the poo and Kim Jon un next to one another 

-“get ready for the met gala with me!!” influencer vlogs showing up on my suggested as if I don’t make $10.73 an hour 

-no way that dog had a blog, dogs can’t read 

-in god we bust

-every guys wants to be a golden retriever boyfriend until they wake up with no balls 

-graphic design majors are like the diet soda of the art world 

-if i could choose between having a successful career and lying down i would choose lying down 

-today’s graduation is sponsored by plan b

-going down on a woman and tying her fallopian tubes with my tongue like a cherry stem 

-most of the world’s problems would be solved if more billionaires disappeared in submarines 

-you come face to face with god at a 24 hour ihop

-she lemony on my snicket until there’s an unfortunate event

-took a shit in the gender neutral bathroom, call that a she/it

-the tornado dodged us cause someone told it that it had to pay a cover for every bar it destroyed

-can I have a cars 2-themed blowjob, please

-the best thing Taylor Swift has done recently is get some girls to consider that they may be the problem

-“I’M LITERALLY SO FERAL” no Ava you’re just drunk and white

[tastefullyoffensive]

21 Funny College Professors That Make Me Wish I Went To College

[sunscreenstudies]

Iconic Things My Coding Professors Have Said (Part 14 - the last one [for now])

Student: “what would you say is the best part of working there?”    Speaker: “that’s easy. it’s being able to work at home with my cat instead of having to travel to work and being away for 12 hours a day. Also, it probably saved my marriage”

“POV: I’m a woman written by a man having breakfast. So I’m going to act very sexually, dancing around the kitchen in my underwear, suggestively licking pancake batter, not caring about fire or oil splash or, you know, the dangers in kitchens themselves. I think I’m even going to go wild and eat half a blueberry at the end”

Speaker: “It got to a point where i would be standing under the shower having imaginative conversations with incels”   Student: “but the important thing is did you win those arguments?”    Speaker: “of course i did!”

“it’s still just a computer, and we all know how stupid computers can be”

“Here is an image of wonder woman and immediately, its obvious that she’s in an incredibly seuxal position despite being in the middle of a fight. And this isn’t even the worst photo I found, but I had to keep it pg13”

Speaker: “another thing you should know is that we all have cats. like. literally all of us”   Student: “is pet insurance included?”

“The homework is, as usual, awesome, because you’ll work on some great case studies!”

“I’ll give you tips how to to do well in this degree, which I fondly call the self-help section”

Prof: “Hildegard of Bingen claimed to get divine visions from God which made her the mesenger to the masses”   Student “Like the middle ages chat gpt”   Prof: “yeah, kind of, except chat gpt is more believable”  Student: “ooohhh”   Prof: “hey! don’t blame me! Or her! it was the patriarchy’s fault”

"and finally, let’s go to the last group, who not just left a permanent mark on the table, but also on my life"

"these are all such lovely interesting beautiful drawings... can i take them?"

“basically this is photoshop for the digital humanities”

Prof 1: “Because Guibert uses "et” at lot. “Et” this, “Et” that, “Et” cetra- OH MY GOD"  Prof 2 “... You only just now realised that that’s where it comes from, didn’t you?”

"I'm also questioning my taylor swift fan-ness because of the situation thats going on with her at the moment - i don't know if you know about it, but its a really hard time for me right now"

Student: "sounds mysterious"   Prof1: "it is, but i promise you, its going to be incredibly underwhelming"   Prof 2: "no its not! we've got markers!"

“the map is disjointed and doesn’t scale correctly because j.k. rowling… well… if she doesn’t care about basic human rights, then i doubt she cares about her geographically inaccurate map”

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8

Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

[blinkbones]

i love studyblr people who write with the precision of a 3D printer and act like that’s normal

[justcatposts]

She's just trying to pay her student loans

(Source)

[catchymemes]

[daily-spooky]

[lolmemez]

The graduation project

[pinoytiktok]

(support the original tiktok: @/gesterrr!)

[mycatsaidwhat]

things i've heard college professors say pt. 15

-type “humpty dumpty sat on a wall humpty dumpty had a great fall” with no spaces and no regrets 

-I sincerely don’t sit around reading the wills of people from 16th century Stratford-upon-Avon

-do we have a federal department of education? *reluctantly* yes we do 

-okay. It’s 10:30 and I’m cold and mad. 

-I was assigned to read Macbeth and was like what the fuck, I want to play Nintendo 

-That sounds like something said by someone who wrote 12 historyplays 

-I googled today, which I really suggest you guys do 

-not to bring up florida,

-current event: balloons!

-(cytogeneticist) I make a lot of money saying I don’t know. It’s a pretty sweet gig.  

-*someone comes into the classroom looking lost* is there a meeting in here at 11?

(professor) no i don’t think so, this class goes until 11:30

*person leaves* 

(professor, turning back to the class) probably a serial killer 

-Yeah, and then Shakespeare was like I never fucking loved you– 

-The three typical sources of creative nonfiction essays are the unconscious mind, literature, or the trauma of our lives. Now none of these are technically untrue–

-you don’t have to be smart to understand Shakespeare

*alarm starts going off on student’s phone* 

OH GOD I’M SORRY IM BEING SMITED 

-“In which the men spend several hours taunting each other with speeches and thwacking each other with sticks.” Yes. That sounds perfect. 

-This is, like, nerdy shit I’ve learned over the years 

[ukiyoebirds]

While broken bonds mend, some things never change.

@krazycat6167 helped workshop the joke.

You may need to click on the image for better quality.

[fromgoy2joy]

when a goyishe student says something in Judaism class that is so bad, that every Jew in the class lets out an audible noise

[retrogamingblog2]

[slveepyscwrs]

studying medicine as a disabled chronically ill spoonie be like:

WILL I END UP BECOMING THE DOCTOR OR THE PATIENT!?!? STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT!!!!

[causticbibliophile]

radha is all of us 😭💪🏻

[catchymemes]