#a little hope

[creatingnikki]

Dear the love of my life,

Once again I attempt writing to you. But this time with a more grown up and different perspective. And yet with all this perspective, the words are harder to come out now. Everything feels too much, a lot of it hopeless, a lot of it doomed. But with the little hope and faith I find, I write this to you. To you who I know is out there. To you who is figuring his life out.

Where are you now? Bangalore? London? Mumbai? Toronto? Badlapur? New Mexico? Seoul? Delhi, perhaps? Wherever you are, I send you the kind of energy you need the most right now. As of 23rd August, 2022, my love, what is it that you need? Is it the warmth of someone's sincerity? Is it a miracle to fix a very sticky situation at work or home? Is it strength that your body needs? Is it strength that your mind needs? A good, comfort meal? Peace? Whatever it is, I ask the universe to send it to you — kindly, timely, consistently, and abundantly.

The person I am right now is seeking something so intensely to a point that I have started to stray away from my values and beliefs. To a point that I have started to treat breadcrumbs like a gracious feast prepared specially for me. But if I love bread so much and there are supply chain issues, shouldn't I be strategic and figure out ways to fix them? Quarter by quarter but fix them? That starts now.

As I sit in Third Wave Café sipping on a very milky, very sweet iced coffee with a flower bouquet I curated for my friend who is sitting across me writing a letter to his to-be fiancé, as I feel cold due to the air conditioner for the first time in Bangalore, as I think about everything that's happened in the last five months, I now know this.

This is not the life I want. This is not the life I am going to continue to let myself live. From now on I am going to make decisions that protect me, that provide me with the best, that bring me peace, and that give me power. For I am going to bloom into the person that has always been inside me, waiting politely for me to recognize how precious I am. And I truly hope that you too are able to make the decisions that honor the divine in you and pacify the undivine.

We will meet. We have met. We exist. Soon. Always. Other than this, I have no declarations of love to make. I have no expectations to articulate. We will build and we will nurture and we will love exactly how it is precious to us. And we will laugh and laugh and laugh.

Love,

Nikki

[macsoul]

A little bright moment ✨

Esse momento é merito meu e da minha luz interna, aquilo que me dá forças para continuar. . .

Essa pequena época de alívio na qual eu sinto que posso respirar sem tanto pesar, que estou reaprendendo aos poucos como é sentir coisas boas novamente, já passei por aqui tantas vezes, por todos os altos e baixos, todas as mortes e renascimentos, tantas vezes que nem dá pra contar, sempre penso que aquela seria minha última e definitiva morte, mas após uma terrível noite acordo e aprendo a respirar de novo, é estranho viver assim nos estremos, sempre tendendo pra baixo em tormentas que exaurem minha alma e resfriam meu coração, mas agora, agora sinto esse pequeno e ainda frágil momento luminoso, em momentos assim sinto que posso recomeçar de novo.

Aqui fora ainda tá tudo muito bagunçado e não posso dizer que aqui dentro está muito diferente, mas há calma e ela é tudo que preciso pra seguir, não digo que sou capaz de fazer e conquistar qualquer coisa agora, aprendi que não posso querer abraçar o mundo com as pernas em apenas um dia bom após uma longa temporada de dias horríveis, mas posso dizer que sinto que agora posso levantar e começar a dar alguns passos de novo e isso já é bom demais.

Esse pequeno momento luminoso, depois de um longo período sem ver luz alguma trancada em minha tumba criada por mim mesma, esse momento devo a mim, mas não posso deixar de dizer que sempre acreditei na luz que se oculta na escuridão desse mundo por aí em todo lugar e isso sempre me fez ter esperança também, não posso deixar de mencionar o quão agradável e reconfortante é olhar pra longe e ver sua luz brilhando pra mim, isso também alimenta minha esperança nesse mundo, ainda existem tantas coisas boas e isso também cabe a pessoas, o universo afirma isso através da sua presença nesse mundo, ele reafirmou isso te ligando estranhamente a mim.

Sim, há a possibilidade desse momento luminoso em que eu sinto que posso continuar seja só mais um sonho, mas enquanto eu viver o que mais posso fazer além de sonhar?

Acima de tudo sou uma sonhadora e isso é algo que nada pode me roubar, talvez seja isso que sempre me mostra o caminho de volta a mim mesma, me ensine a voltar a acreditar e até tenha sido isso mesmo que te trouxe até mim e me levou até você.

Vai saber.

Por agora, por esse pequeno momento luminoso, só me cabe agradecer.

[hansoeii]

the honda odyssey, huh?

[happyheidi]

[badolmen]

WARNING 18+

19

[iscariotapologist]

today in church one of the priests referred to trans people as "those who are growing into the gender they were called to be" and i'm kind of enjoying the idea of like....divinely ordained top surgery

[canisalbus]

✦ Fashionably late ✦

[elainiisms]

female protagonists will literally go through 30 life altering traumas at the age of 16 and you ppl still have the audacity to call them annoying bc they cry about it and act like teenage girls

[kwadlayns]

Good detectives do what they need to in order to solve a case. 💀🔎✨

[corviiids]

my top bit of advice going into the new year: compliment people. especially strangers. literally everyone you interact with if you can. when you buy coffee in the morning compliment the barista's tattoos. when you're chatting with a coworker tell them that by the way you like their outfit. always find something they've chosen to do on purpose. nail polish, jewellery, tattoos, hair colour/style, statement accessory, outfit, etc are all good bets. things people hope will be noticed. things that aren't too personal so it doesn't make them uncomfortable (eg probably not their physical features). i've gotten into the habit of scanning everyone i talk to for something about them that i think is cool so i can tell them. it's a great habit because it makes me notice people and realise just how many neat little details there are in people's presentation of themselves that might pass me by if i wasn't paying attention. and it brings out so much joy. you'd be surprised how much it disarms people to receive an unexpected compliment from someone they don't know. it is the most sincere smile you will see all day long. it feels nice to make people happy but it also means you win the social interaction. establish dominance by complimenting a stranger's earrings and disappearing into the fog

[dapper-lil-arts]

Last one I swear... Unless?

[novelconcepts]

I Saw the TV Glow is such a uniquely, devastatingly queer story. Two queer kids trapped in suburbia. Both of them sensing something isn’t quite right with their lives. Both of them knowing that wrongness could kill them. One of them getting out, trying on new names, new places, new ways of being. Trying to claw her way to fully understanding herself, trying to grasp the true reality of her existence. Succeeding. Going back to help the other, to try so desperately to rescue an old friend, to show the path forward. Being called crazy. Because, to someone who hasn’t gotten out, even trying seems crazy. Feels crazy. Looks, on the surface, like dying.

And to have that other queer kid be so terrified of the internal revolution that is accepting himself that he inadvertently stays buried. Stays in a situation that will suffocate him. Choke the life out of him. Choke the joy out of him. Have him so terrified of possibly being crazy that he, instead, lives with a repression so extreme, it quite literally is killing him. And still, still, he apologizes for it. Apologizes over and over and over, to people who don’t see him. Who never have. Who never will. Because it’s better than being crazy. Because it’s safer than digging his way out. Killing the image everyone sees to rise again as something free and true and authentic. My god. My god, this movie. It shattered me.

[cashmere-caveman]

today it rained for the first time in ages and ive got my window tilted to let in the cool air and i just heard a woman's voice say "hey i found another puddle!" followed by a little child's happy shriek followed by a big splash sound i absolutely love being alive i hope that kid has so much fun bc i am already thriving just listening to it all

[ninjasmudge]

cant have been easy watching aym and baal sprint around and not being able to join in

[crowkip]

oh to be a tired little cowboy napping with his cows

[hinamie]

surprise it's yuri!!!in 2024