#a introspective day today

[purplecladmerchant]

thinking how Odin, the god of victory and knowledge, the allfather. Also was known for carrying a incredibly fury inside.

[trans-rights-coastalmangoes]

not me picking up another shift at work tomorrow in hopes that it'll trigger my alter to start fronting so he can finally come home and play mouthwashing

[coldjustness-archive]

Woke up thinking about Neve Gallus becoming more infamous than the family who left her behind.

[autism-disco]

aggressively searching for joy and love in every sad seeming crevice

[werehounded]

When they sincerely call me handsome despite the fact that i look like shit, actually

[tarynkurt]

been away for a while, again

engineering at my first festival this week, and thrown in the deep end so suddenly, so that’s always a hard learning curve. i’m grateful, and it’s true i am learning much very quickly, though loneliness is a heavy depth when you’re so new and everyone else has their own bubbles from the past couple decades.

the best part, though, is that i could stay with family in the malvern hills to reach this festival - i hadn’t seen them in so long and i’m so thankful to at least have spent a good day with them when i arrived, before i had to be so immersed in this work that i’m gone early and back too late to catch one another again. hopefully monday i can make more of a vibe before i return for my last weeks of the tenancy in north london, wander the hills and finish my exposures on the minolta.

but anyway, back to being in my feelings

it’s hard to know what one really wants at this age, and to know that you’re making the right decisions is even harder. i think most people my age hate the prospect of constant work for survival, though i imagine that’s always the same for each generation, until they just have to and get so deep into the cycle.

the resolve i reach is always a deeper pursuit into artistry. though each day i realise my own capabilities are far too lacklustre to compete in this world, regardless of the unique lens i approach my work from, and so i must get back to study and practise. thankfully, my degree is over and i am returning to scotland for a few months to do just this, learn more, save money and rediscover what i need to about myself.

even with rational judgement, that good ol’ imposter syndrome hits hard right?

i’ve gone through a lot of doubts these past few months, despite some good achievements. what is needed is to take some time getting inspiration, going back to the source and rebuilding things. good job i have my platforms and expressions to bounce this on :)

but maybe i’ve missed out on more major milestones of growing up than i reckoned. now i keep asking myself what i want more, and i get more and more puzzled. add to that being let down by people, and you struggle to not harbour spite.

i can’t become a sour man full of spite.

anything but that.

without reverence and joy, what is there?

even through the hazy lens of my dark atmospheres.

time away will be good, but i can’t do it alone again. let’s hope i can find my people up there this time.

i miss you

and i miss me too

once again, reflection is needed.

[walterdecourceys]

it is sort of hilarious how i went from "haha walter has weird nonbinary swag" to nonbinary walter being a genuine near and dear to my heart headcanon in the span of like four months

[iniziare]

Tag drop: Guizhong (don't mind me re-dropping this with the fixed ones, shh)

[abimee]

also on my birthday for 24 hours i can post whatever i want about my ocs and you cant laugh no matter how corny or overdone it is. you have to be nice to me because im turning 23. and my first order of business because its midnight somewhere and posting this song i listened to years ago thats now really popular and saying its a ruyan and ryder song

[cherry-velvet-skies]

People feel bad for me when I tell them ONE traumatic thing I experienced like honey wait until you hear the other 37

[nox-ceur]

I think it’s safe to say that work is cancelled today 💀

[louisloulouie]

I call this masterpiece: finding a 200k fic at 2am, reading it until 6am, only sleeping five hours, and being able to finish the whole fic in less than 24 hours ☠️

[ruvigapo]

Honestly like... im kinda at a point where i want to stop emulating other artists???

Life is too short to try to be someone else

Just be you, ya kno??

[arihi]

Holding an ambient dread in me today. There’s always the scramble to try and figure out what’s causing it for me, especially because I’ve got no internal monologue and I often have to talk out loud and in depth into every little thing that’s happened just to figure out why my feelings are the way they are.

Admittedly I can think of a few things, but they’re not particularly important in the long run. My tendency is to figure out why as if it’ll solve it, or so I can intellectualize the feelings away, but emotions are so rarely cut-and-clean addressed like that. Having been so preoccupied with my past in the past, or dreading the future, it’s grounding to settle down and have moments of silence in the present. I’m on the couch typing this on my phone, the sunset is shining down on my face, whereas usually I’d hate it I’m just letting myself sit in it. Once I’ve figured out a few potential causes, it’s not that important to dive deeper and think myself into anxiety spirals. It’s okay to have an idea of it, and not rationalize away how you’re feeling. It’s okay to feel off, sometimes.

[the--highlanders]

“So then -” Victoria gestured out before them, sweeping her arm from one side of the absent horizon to the other. The shadow of her hand danced across the bridge, the floating rubble, the vicious claw where the land curved around. “What happened? Where did it all – go?” The Doctor simply shrugged, light and casual, like the answer was obvious. “What happens to any empire?” he said simply. “It got too large, in the end. Couldn’t sustain its own ambition.” He rolled his shoulders, leaning further back to face the sky more fully. “That’s what all empires do, in the end. They rise and fall and end up forgotten.” His words settled somewhere in the vicinity of Victoria’s stomach, cold and solid and uncomfortable. “I lived in an empire,” she said, frowning. “Back on Earth. The greatest empire the world has ever known.” “Yes,” the Doctor said. “Yes, you did.”

Sitting on a moon shattered by war, Victoria finds that the universe makes her home seem quite different.

[acanthemp3]

does anyone else feel like whenever they make art out of their own experiences theyre just lying