#a huge weight has been lifted from my chest lol

[triralph]

I’ve always thought my mom passively accepted me but was embarrassed I was a lesbian “I accept and love you; but I don’t want you telling other people you could get hurt”. But I’ve come to realize something; she’s actually afraid of me getting physically hurt.

My mom is 75 and was born and raised in Eastern Appalachia. She’s seen some shit. She was 16 when MLK gave his famous ‘I have a dream’ speech. She was 21 with two kids when MLK was shot. She was 22 during the Stonewall Riots. 25 during the first Pride Parade. In her 40’s during the AIDS crisis etc.

What I’m trying to get at is my moms seen decades of injustice, not just in the world but in her community.

She’s seen and heard of queer people in our tiny town be discriminated against, made fun of, and in some cases be attacked. Hate crime was the norm and all outside opinion was quickly stomped out.

No matter how many times I tell her about the strides and progress of the LGBT+ community and how accepting a lot more people it doesn’t matter. She’s seen her close family and friends hurt and she’s scared for me. I don’t blame her either, it must be scary having a queer child seeing the things she’s seen.

In conclusion: I love my mom so very much and her love for me is so strong that she went against the ‘norm’ and also loves me so much that she fears for my safety even in these more ‘accepting’ times.

Also P.S. conclusion: Black and LGBT+ history isn’t ‘ancient’. This all happened in her life time and she is still alive and well. We never realize how recent these major events are and we should be conscious of them so we can be kind to the ones who lived in those intolerant times. And while the world still isn’t equal and perfect, we have definitely made strong strides in the community and I think that’s something to appreciate thx for coming to my Ted Talk.

[bumblebeesfromvenus]

Lost and Found ♧ | 3.

Leon S. Kennedy x reader (ft. Ashford Graham)

《A/N》: FINALLY THE LAST PART!! I really like how this one turned out. You can definitely tell that my writing has improved if you look at the first parts lol. I do plan on remastering parts 1 & 2 just to clean every up a little! Enjoy <3

~ Fi 🐝

《Warnings》: mild panic attack, PTSD, mentions of Raccoon City, R and Leon being huge fucking geeks/nerds (I love them) LADY the bernese mountain doggy <33 + Dot, the convenience store cashier.

《Word count》: 5.9k

Part 1 ♧ Part 2 ♧ Part 3 ♧

This series is a quick read with only a little over 10k words in total :)

Please don't copy my work! I put a lot of effort and heart into the things I write.

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The little bar hangout you had with Leon lifted your spirits beyond expectations. It had felt so good to see him again, not within your stressful line of work or distant and painful memories, but in normal surroundings, just like it used to be.

Despite the high emotional tension that lingered after you'd returned his police badge to him, the night lightened the heavy weight that rested on your soul, making it that much easier to get out of bed in the morning.

You'd now left your little apartment on more occasions, not only when you had to. When taking Lady out for her walks, you'd stop by a local Cafe and enjoy a warm drink or frequent the little antique shop that had always caught your eye. It felt like a fresh breath of air, a new start to a life you didn't think you'd be capable of having.

It's not like everything was magically fixed, not even Leon had such power, but things were better. And right now, better was more than enough for you. Certain things changed in your living space as well.

You'd open a curtain or two, and finally put up the new mirror you bought. Even things as little as letting the sun into your living room had improved your overall well being.

And there was someone that was ecstatic that you were doing better. Lady had really been your lifeline the past few years. She gave you a reason to keep going, to not give up and maybe even let the small flame of hope in your heart burn without extinguishing it immediately. She was your best friend, really, always keeping you company and distracting you if you ever got lost in your head.

She'd always be there if you woke up from a bad nightmare, by your side in the blink of an eye. Lady would whine and nudge at you with her nose or lick your cheeks that were tear stained from yet another excruciating replay of that night. She'd cuddle close to you and lay her head on your chest, something that helped you steady your frantic breaths.

In return, you did everything in your power to make her life as best as you could. She deserved that and so much more in your eyes. Dogs really were a blessing.

"I don't know when he's getting here, Deedee. I'm sorry." You cooed at your wiggly pup. She'd pace around the living room and sit in front of your door with her beloved stuffie tucked between her teeth. Lady looked back at you with big eyes and whined, though the wagging of her tail never stopped.

"C'mere. Come on." You softly called for her, patting the spot next to you on the couch. Lady trotted over, the quiet 'pat pat' of her paws on the floor accompanying her until she reached you and jumped onto the sofa. She laid her head in your lap and looked up at you expectantly.

"You're excited, huh? S'not often we get visitors. We'll just have to wait a little bit longer, okay-"

You were cut off by the sound of your doorbell. Lady perked up and let out a hearty bark before she was sprinting to the door.

"Alright, alright, calm down, sweet girl." You chuckled, leaving your cozy spot on the couch and taking a peak through the peephole. A smile etched onto your face when you spotted that familiar head of blonde hair and those lovely blue eyes. He was swaying slightly, hands in his pockets. He looked quite nervous. It cut into your heart just a little, knowing that the comfortable atmosphere that you two had around you was gone after everything that had happened.

To an extent, you were basically strangers, and you needed to start from scratch, building a new friendship. Both of you have changed, to no surprise, so what was, will never be again, though you were certain that you still fit together like you used to. Or at least that was what the ever growing sprout of hope inside you told you.

"Leon." You smiled gently when you opened the door, being met with a kind smile of his own.

"Hi." He replied softly, pulling you into a hug. You melted into eachother, craving that familiar and comfortable touch. "I missed you." He mumbled, followed by a relieved sigh.

"I missed you too, blondie," you giggled softly,

"has work been hard on you lately?"

Leon chuckled as he pulled away, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"How do you always know?" You gave him a nonchalant shrug with a small grin before stepping aside, beckoning him into your home. Lady was sitting by your feet with her tongue out and a wagging tail, waiting to finally meet this guest you'd been talking about for weeks. There was a smile on his face as he stepped onto your doormat and knelt down, holding his hand out for your pup to sniff.

"Hi there, Lady. I'm Leon." He spoke softly as you watched in awe, your heart beating faster at his gentleness. Leon's gentleness was nothing new to you, but you've missed it after Raccoon City. You craved it, that soft and warm tone that never failed to make any worries fade away.

Seeing him being so soft with your dog was a bittersweet sting in your chest when you realized you wanted him to be that gentle with you again. Lady nudge her wet nose against his palm a few times before the wagging of her tail picked up, gentle drumming against your leg, before she surged forward and whined, excitedly sticking her face wherever she could.

Leon shifted his weight backwards a little so Lady wouldn't tackle him and he laughed and cooed at her, petting her face and scratching behind her ears.

"Such a sweet girl, huh? Who's a good girl? You've been keeping her safe and happy for me?" He leaned in closer for the last phrase, as if telling her a secret and he chuckled when he was met with a series of barks and huffs.

"She's absolutely infatuated with you." You smirked, your arms crossing in front of your chest. 'And so am I' you tried not to entertain the thought for too long, but every refusal you made about loving Leon, really loving Leon, slowly drifted away, letting your shoulders slightly slack and just feel the warmth of your love for him in your heart.

So what if you were in love with him? It wasn't hard to fall for him, but instead of tripping and stumbling forward a little, you fell off the highest mountain peak and landed straight on your face. But who could blame you, with that cute smile, those ocean blue eyes and a heart so pure it hurt. You'd think about it more later, maybe talk to Ashley about it, too. Right now, you wanted to keep the promise you made in the bar and enjoy an evening with your best friend. A measly attempt to feel normal again. To forget all the things you've seen, to feel whole again.

There always was a lingering darkness that shuddered through you, and it only seemed to be bearable when you were with Leon. You imagined what it would be like to live with him and Lady, to share a bed and wake up every morning with him, with that lingering cloud of gloom getting smaller day by day.

The sound of Leon's voice slammed that drawer of dreams and fantasies shut and snapped you back into the moment. He softly called your name, a worried crease between his brows. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry, I just kinda... space out sometimes." You chuckled awkwardly. He cracked a small smile. "I get that. You're not alone." He said quietly, placing a firm hand on your shoulder while his other was scratching your pup's head.

Lady was whining quietly, her stuffed toy hanging from her mouth, upset at the lack of attention she was getting from Leon.

"Neither are you." You spoke gently, but with a sincere firmness. Leon's hand slid down your arm until it reached the faint scar on your forearm. He took your arm into his hands and drew circles into the skin surrounding your scar.

The gesture made the butterflies in your stomach flutter uncontrollably and you cursed them in your mind for making your cheeks heat up.

"How's your arm, hm?"

"It's good, all healed. It doesn't hurt, it's just... hard to look at some days." You gave him a tight lipped smile.

"Scars make you a survivor. You made it out of that shithole with your life, and that's one hell of a thing to do."

"I hope you talk that kindly to yourself, too."

Leon's head tipped forward slightly, exhaling sharply before swinging one of his arms over your shoulders.

"I don't know about you but I'm starving. And if I remember correctly, I was promised cuddles." He grinned, making you roll your eyes with a smile.

"I don't have much in the fridge but we can go to the convenience store right around the corner, they have decent hot dogs."

Lady perked up and barked at the mention of hot dogs.

"Hot dogs it is, then." Leon grinned, petting Lady again.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

The walk to the little convenience store was quiet and pleasant, making casual small talk about your daily life and any hobbies that you'd both spend time on outside of work. Lady was happily walking on her leash between you and Leon, him being on the side closer to the road, of course.

He insisted, and there was no arguing with him. Not that you wanted to, but he couldn't know that, so you feigned push back until you 'relented' with a sigh, and you walked on with Leon having a triumphant smirk on his face.

Lady was excitedly looking around at all the colorful light up signs and street lamps. You never took her out this late, you never felt safe enough to do so, but with Leon by your side you've never felt safer.

There was a quiet splat sound as you stepped through a puddle, courtesy of a downpour earlier in the day.

You could spot the familiar sign of the store further down the street when Leon spoke up.

"What movie did you pick?" A small grin crept onto your face at his question.

"You know how you're such a big fan of the Lord of the Rings hexalogy?"

"Yeah..." his furrowed brows and the hesitancy in his voice almost made you chuckle.

"And you know how they made the books into movies a couple of years ago?"

"Wait, don't tell me-"

"Well," you interrupted him as his eyes widened, "I happen to have the entire trilogy at home. Extended editions. I figured we could watch the first one." You smiled, watching the light in his eyes grow.

"Are you serious?" He chuckled breathlessly.

"Very."

"God, you're the best best friend."

"Right back at you, Lee."

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

The little bell attached to the top of the door frame jingled as you stepped inside, Leon and Lady in tow. Leon's eyes fell on the short, elderly woman that was seated behind the counter, glasses on the tip of her nose with a pencil in hand, seemingly solving a crossword puzzle or perhaps Sodoku.

She wore a pink cardigan, and there were a few rollers hidden in her short silver curls. She glared over the top of her glasses at the ring of the bell, but her forming scowl was replaced by a bright smile when she spotted your kind face. Leon smiled just a little at the observation.

Apparently, you had the habit of carving yourself a spot in others' hearts no matter how cold or grumpy they were.

"Why, hello, dear! It's so nice to see you. You've brought Lady, too, I presume?" She chuckled, being met with a proud bark from your dog.

The woman slightly stretched upwards to take a look at your pup that was hidden behind the counter and she wiggled her manicured hand in Lady's direction, a form of greeting, before she rummaged through a drawer, pulling out a treat. Lady tapped her paws on the linoleum floor excitedly, waiting for her to throw the treat. She did with a soft giggle, clapping when Lady caught it.

"Good to see you, too, Dot." You smiled, scratching Lady's cheek.

"And who's this, hm?" She gave you a smirk before letting her gaze run over Leon,

"have you finally got yourself a boyfriend? Oh, I thought the day would never come!" She sighed excitedly.

"Rude." You grumbled underneath your breath. Before you could answer her, Leon took the reigns of the conversation.

"I'm Leon, her best friend. Nice to meet you." He said with a kind smile, holding out his hand for Dot to shake. She glared suspiciously at his hand but decided to take it in the end.

"Best friend, huh? How come I've never seen you before? God help me if I find out you're only pretending to be her friend so you can take her to bed and break her heart like the rest of your generation-" she pointed a finger at Leon accusingly, stretching forward as much as she could, though never reaching for enough to jab at his chest.

"Dot, Dot!" You scolded with a small chuckled, taking her wrist and tugging it back at her side.

"He's not like that, I promise." You said gently, watching as Dot still glared at Leon.

"Ma'am, I can assure you, I have no intention of ever breaking her heart." He chuckled, placing a hand over his heart.

Dot sank back into her chair.

"Good." She said firmly.

"We lost touch a couple of years ago due to some... unfortunate circumstances in the town we lived in," Leon glanced at you briefly, "but we recently found eachother again on a work trip."

He explained, watching as Dot's judgemental facade slowly crumbled.

"Oh, alright. I suppose you do look like a nice boy." She relented with a sigh, making Leon grin.

"Quite handsome, too." She pondered before turning in your direction, "it's a shame he isn't your boyfriend, you know."

"Dot-"

"What? You can't be alone forever. You've known him a longtime. Most boys are either pretty or decent, not both. He's the exception, it seems. Are you just going to waste that?"

You sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of your nose. You knew very well that Leon was smiling bashfully with a blush on his cheeks. He never knew how to deal with compliments.

"Dot. We've been over this so many times. And can you please not talk about him like he isn't here??" You whisper-yelled the last part, feeling a heat crawl up your spine when Leon chuckled.

"Fine, don't take my advice then." She brushed you off, turning to Leon.

"Maybe you should take her to bed-"

"DOROTHY."

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

You waved Dot goodbye, stepping into the cool chill of the night with some snacks you'd bought in your bag and the only thing warming your hands being that delectable looking hot dog.

You sat down on a nearby bench, Lady sitting patiently at your feet while you fed her a couple bits of the sausage.

"These are pretty good for convenience store hot dogs." Leon's voice came muffled from beside you, when you turned your head you broke into laughter seeing him basically inhale that hot dog.

"What? I'm hungry." He defended himself, still muffled and obstructed as he chewed on the bun. You took another bite of your hot dog and chuckled as Leon licked his fingers.

Your laughter was contagious to Leon, he couldn't help when the familiar rumble of laughter surged through his chest.

You sat giggling and laughing on that bench for a while, no real reason or purpose for your laughter other than the person beside you, a feeling the both of you had longed for for as long as you can remember.

The laughing didn't stop on your way home, watching fondly as Leon continously threw a stick for Lady who darted off before returning with said stick. The empty streets echoed of excited barks and heartfelt laughter.

And that carefree feeling that made you breath without a heavy weight on your chest was something you wanted to cling on for as long as you could.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Leon's eyes were glued to your TV as he attentively watched as the scenes of The Fellowship of the Ring ran across the screen.

The bright and lovely beginning of the movie with all the green hills and the Hobbithole made tears of joy sit on his lashline as he talked about how surreal it was to see the world he'd read of and imagined so many times before. Lady was asleep with her head in Leon's lap while he gently petted her, like it was second nature to him, his other arm resting on the back of the couch.

You watched as the colorful light of the movie ran over the handsome features of his profile.

Your mind drifted to a multitude of different scenarios. What if he was your boyfriend? Is that something he'd want? Is that something you'd want? That answer came to you quicker than you'd like to admit. You wouldn't mind if you were dating. No, you wanted to date him. You wondered, what if he had similar thoughts about you? Or were you just as foolish as the last times and end up having to pick the shards of your heart off the ground?

But how nice it would be.

Your own little life with Lady and Leon, your own little family. Your heart yearned for it, you could feel that aching pull in your chest. Before you knew it, the credits were rolling and you snapped out of your somewhat embarrassing daydreams.

You rested your chin on his shoulder.

"So, what did you think?" You asked softly. Leon smiled before trying to start a sentence a couple of times but failing.

"I... it was incredible. S'like my childhood came to life. I mean, it did every time I read the books, but... this is different. Thank you." He said quietly, taking your hand and giving it a squeeze.

"Anything for you."

It slipped out before you could stop it. But instead of taking it back in a scramble of haphazardly formulated excuses, you let it linger.

You let it linger between the two of you, reveling in the warmth of it. Leon's arm slowly slipped from the back of the couch, settling heavy on your shoulders.

You let out a quiet sighed and subconsciously shuffled yourself closer to him to the point where your noses were almost brushing against one another.

"I'm so glad that I have you. Life's only been getting better since you came back into my life, it's like... all the color returned." He whispered, drawing circles into the back of your neck, sending both a searing hot feeling and a chill up your spine.

You could feel his warm breath on your face, and his blue eyes had never shone this bright.

You inched closer with half lidded eyes, enveloped and dazed by his embrace, his touch, his warmth.

Your lips brushed for a mere second before a loud bark from Lady snapped the both of you out of it, and you scrambled away from each other. You were pressed to the other end of the couch with burning cheeks as you kept your gaze away from Leon.

Lady whine and tilted her head, nudging her toy closer to Leon.

"You... you want to play?" He asked gently, a hint of disappointment tarnishing his tone. He got his confirmation with yet another bark and a wagging tail.

"M'sorry, but it's late. I should.." he cleared his throat and briefly glanced at you, making you whip your head away, "I should go home."

Lady whimpered sadly but Leon just gave her a few consolation pets before he got up from the couch.

You followed behind him, being the good host you were, seeing him out the door. The tension that hung in the air was thick and uncomfortable. Instead of the usual warm hug, you opted for an awkward wave. And with a stumbled promise of calling you in the coming days, Leon was out the door.

When you heard the click of the lock, you slid down onto the floor, back pressed against the door as you groaned, laying your face in your hands.

Your cheeks were a raging inferno by this point, and your pounding heart didn't exactly help either. There were so many things going on in your head at once. It felt like your brain was about to explode.

You wanted to cry and yell in frustration for having such a perfect moment ruined, but there was slight relief because were you ready for a change that big? Were you ready to never have your newly built friendship with Leon be the same again? All these unanswered questions were making your head spin.

You felt Lady's wet nose nudge at your hands and you pulled your head back, letting it fall back against the door with a soft thump. You sighed and closed your eyes.

"I love you, DeeDee, but what the hell was that?" You glanced at her, your voice being laced with nothing but defeat.

Your pup laid down beside you and looked at you apologetically and let out a soft whine. You cracked a small, soft smile and stroked her head.

"It's okay. I guess. I don't know. I need to sleep on it." You said quietly, followed by a sigh.

You retreated to your bedroom, tossing and turning. You spent most of the night staring at your ceiling or watching Lady take gentle breaths beside you.

Sleep didn't come easily to you that night. Though, you were lucky sleep came to you at all.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Leon let his head hit the steering wheel of his car with a sigh. He was finally so close to expressing his feelings for you without having to actually say it when it was all ripped away from him.

"Lady is lucky she's cute." He mumbled, starting the car and driving off to his home.

The growing frustration in his chest didn't go away as he drove on, to his dismay. He laid awake all night, staring at the empty side of his bed, imagining what it would be like if you were there.

If his bed wouldn't feel so cold anymore, despite his thick blanket.

He wanted nothing more than to hold you, to kiss you, to love you. Leon was certain you'd died that day. He remembered his cracked voice after screaming for you until he was dragged away.

The emtpiness in his heart when it sunk in that he had failed to save you and would now have to live with the overwhelming guilt of your loss.

The day you two crossed paths in that Spanish village, Leon swore to himself that he would do anything in his power to never feel like that again. He wouldn't lose you this time. Not again.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

"I don't know what to do! It was so awkward." You sighed frustratedly, pulling at your hair.

"You guys almost kissed! A kiss is a two-sided thing. Usually. He's totally into you, too." Ashley beamed through the phone.

Your contact with Leon had been kept to a minimum these past few weeks. You didn't know how to even start a conversion now.

It was just that embarrassing and awkward almost-kiss moment running on loop in your mind whenever you thought of him.

"I just... I don't know. He might be? I mean, I want him to be... but I've been wrong before and I don't think I could handle getting my heart broken by him." You spoke, albeit somewhat dazed as you seemed to be lost in your thoughts.

"I think you should talk to him. I know it's awkward and uncomfortable, but it's only gonna get worse if you two keep avoiding each other like this." Ashley said softly, making you sigh and drag a hand down your face.

Not talking to Leon was eating you from the inside. You'd missed him terribly, but the thought of having to look him in the eyes after that incident made your skin crawl.

You looked outside of your window, the moonlit streets littered with bright neon signs reminded you of that you spent with him and Lady.

If talking to him meant you would experience something like that again and feel that intoxicating euphoria that was freedom and peace all over, you'd swallow your nerves and the twisting churn in your stomach and do it.

"I suppose.. you're right. It feels different now, you know? I guess now that I look back I've been in love with him for a while. Saying it out loud just... makes it real." You laughed half-heartedly, chewing on the inside of your cheek.

Lady was laying by your feet as you petted her absent-mindedly.

"It'll all work out, I promise! You gotta have more faith in yourself. You're a real catch." She giggled, making you crack a lopsided smile.

"Thanks, Ash. I'll... I'll talk to him. Soon. I'm... really tired right now, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, no problem. Keep me updated!"

"I will, Bye-Bye." You chuckled.

"Talk soon!"

You let out a heavy sigh when the noise of the ended phone call hit your ears.

"What a mess, huh?" You asked Lady, smiling slightly when she gave you an affirmative huff.

Your thoughts were running wild, but you were exhausted. So, despite your brain screaming at you, you eventually fell asleep, a weird dread settling in your stomach as your eyes shut.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Your limbs felt leaden, your mind slowly waking up but your body refusing to as tears nipped at your lashline. Your muscles ached and quiet sobs slipped past your lips as the horrific pictures of that night ran behind your eyelids like a movie on a screen.

The blanket that would usually soothe your anxiety with its weight suddenly felt too heavy, all too much like the rubble you were buried under after the building collapsed on top of you. You could feel the sharp edges of concrete and rebar digging and cutting into your skin all over again. Your throat felt dry, just like when you breathed in all the dust and debris back then.

Your sobs grew louder, and they turned into pathetic wails as the memories continued to flood your mind. Still, your legs and arms refused to move, your breaths turning shallow as panic set in. All you could do was lay there like a wounded animal, trapped in the literal nightmare that were your memories.

Your door opened slightly, and Lady came rushing in, alarmed by your cries. She jumped up onto the bed and licked at your cheeks before nudging your arm with her nose. Your fingers twitched, and you gathered all your strength before you reached over to your nightstand and felt for your phone, all while Lady whimpered beside you.

You sagged back onto the bed once you've had a steady grasp on your cell. With trembling fingers, you clumsily tapped at the screen, hoping you'd somehow call Leon. Lady laid her head on your chest, hoping to help steady your breathing.

Sobs tore through you when that familiar pain in your chest set in, the one you felt when you thought Leon had you left you behind. You were angry and hurt, ready to chew him out the second you'd find him in all this mess.

But once you got out and ran from all the resident evil, and all you found was his bloodied badge, your anger evaporated and all that was left was the heart wrenching pain of having lost your best friend.

You grew frustrated with yourself when your numb fingers refused to his the right button, but eventually you managed to click on Leon's contact and your panic was soothed just a tiny bit when you hit the call button.

You cried through the rings of the phone, mentally begging for him to pick up. It was the middle of the night. You were all alone, but you hoped he'd pick up.

You felt like you were dying, the pain in your chest, the heaviness in your limbs, the lack of oxygen caused by your hurried breaths making you light headed.

"Please, please, please..." You sobbed, your hands shaking. A particular unpleasant wail left your throat when it went straight to his voice-mail. Lady softly barked at you, beckoning you to try again.

You could see the worry when you glanced down into ber big brown eyes. You tried again, feeling exhausted as all the crying and fast breathing sucked the strength from you. This time, he picked up at the first ring, making you sob in relief.

"It's the middle of the night, what- hey, hey, what's going on, are you okay?" His voice made the ache in your chest lessen, and you could even muster up the tiniest smile.

"L-Leon...'" You forced out between sobs and hiccups.

"What happened? Where are you?" He asked firmly, a rustling sound in the background.

"N-need you... please.."

"I'm coming, okay? Just breathe for me." There was worry and panic in his voice, but he kept it soft and soothing for you to help you calm down. You slightly nodded your head.

"Yeah, y-yeah, okay-" your trembling hand accidentally hit the red button, ending the called. Your arm gave out and your phone fell onto your bed, just out of reach.

The crying had drained more of your energy than you thought and you weeped as your phone lit up again and again, Leon calling you. You watched for what felt like forever as he called you continously and all you could do was watch with no strength left to move.

Lady whimpered and pushed your phone closer to you, but you couldn't even lift your finger to pick up.

You've never felt so helpless and pathetic in your life.

So, you continued sobbing as the memories still wouldn't stop as you waited for Leon, feeling a pouding headache setting in already.

Finally, after what felt like some excruciating hours to you, you heard your front door click. You thanked all of the gods above that you'd exchanged spare keys with Leon. Lady jumped off the bed and barked, running towards the front door.

"Where is she?" Leon heaved urgently, following your dog who pulled at his sleeve, leading him to you. His heart shattered at the sight of you. Red and puffy eyes with heavy bags under them, cracked lips, and a heaving chest.

Your complexion looked all wrong, as if you were sick, and to be honest, you did look like you were about to pass out any second.

He rushed to your side, pulling you close to him and slowly rubbing circles on your chest to help you get more air into your lungs.

Leon's jacket was shrugged off, same with his boots and he climbed in next to you and sat you upright. You felt so weak, like your bones were made of jelly, so you awkwardly slumped against him.

"What's going on with you?" He asked softy, gently wiping away your tears.

"Nightmare.. Raccoon City..." Your sobbing picked back up when you uttered the name of your once beloved city, and Leon swallowed thickly.

"I-I thought that you-you left me again.." You wailed, grabbing onto his shirt. Leon pulled you closer with tears glistening in his eyes and a deep ache in his heart.

"I never left you... I would've never ever left you. They made me, dragged me away, and I couldn't... I couldn't go back for you." His voice cracked halfway through, and you gently shifted your head back to look at him.

The heart broken look in his blue eyes almost made your own shatter. You pulled yourself up and into his lap and wrapped your arms around his neck in a tight hug. His arms tightened around you as he buried his face in your neck, rubbing between your shoulder blades to help you breathe deeper.

You cried in each other's arms, mourning the loss of the normal life you had before the incident and the pain of having been apart for 6 years. Lady watched from the foot of the bed, visibly relaxing as your sobs lessened. You pulled back and took his face in your hands, wiping his tears away. Leon melted into your touch, and the crease between his brows softened ever so slightly. You sniffled and took a deep breath.

"I love you. And not like a best friend. I'm in love with you, Leon Kennedy." His eyes shot open at your words and his jaw slacked slightly.

"I've loved you for so long it hurts. I was terrified, so I never said anything but when I thought I lost you I regretted never telling you. I love you so much." You sighed, stroking his cheek.

If you had any tears left to cry, you would be a mess right now. Or at least, more of a mess than you already were

"I just... you're the only one who... who can make it better, you know? Make it hurt less."

Leon's shocked eyes softened, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. You searched for anyhing; hatred, disgust, joy, reciprocation, anything.

"A-And it's fine if you don't feel the same but-"

You were cut off by Leon connecting your lips in a kiss so soft it made a tear roll down your cheek as you leaned into him. Cupping the back of your neck, he gently pulled you in closer in and sighed against your lips.

"I love you too. I never stopped, even when I thought you were gone. You... you make it hurt less, too." He spoke softly, a lopsided grin on his face. You chuckled softly and hugged him again, burning the feeling of his touch into your mind. Leon rested his forehead against yours and stole a few soft pecks from you.

"Will you stay?" You asked in a whisper, suddenly being hit with a wave of sleepiness.

"I'll always stay. Always, I promise." He said softly, kissing the tip of your nose. You smiled hazily and slowly slid down the headboard, dragging Leon with you under the covers. You realxed into his embrace, your face nuzzled against his chest as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

Lady, who had watched the whole thing with a slowly wagging tail, crawled up the bed between the two of you and nudged her nose against Leon's cheek repeatedly. He giggled, albeit with an exhausted undertone.

"I guess you finally have a Dad, DeeDee." You said quietly, earning a small huff from your pup and one last kiss from Leon along with an amused chuckle before you drifted off to pleasant dreams for the first time in years. He soothed your mind and kept all the bad memories away.

Your love acting like a shield, protecting you from nightmares. You'd been wandering in the dark for years, searching for all the pieces of yourself that you lost that night.

You were lost once, but with Leon, you were found again.

🎬••••••••••••••••••🧡••••••••••••••••••🎬

More Leon works here 💫

I have a lil something planned for 500 followers (we're almost there it's crazy!!) And it may involve my obsession with Victorian England, Bloodborne and AC Syndicate 👀

《Tag list》: (lmk if you wanna be added) @vampkennedy @k-fallingstar @dmitriene @valkyrurx

<3

[windchimesgames]

End of Year Recap + Plans for 2024

Hey everyone!

Belated Happy New Year to everyone! I know this is a very late end of year recap 😂Unfortunately, the past week ended up much busier for me than expected, so I could only get around to doing this now that things have calmed down a little.

This is a crosspost of a public post I made on Patreon a few days ago, so if you prefer the formatting there, you can read the post at this link:

PS: I do free monthly devlogs / posts there on Patreon, so consider joining the free tier of the Patreon even if you aren't interested in the paid tiers!

For those who'd rather read the post here, I'll leave the extraordinarily long ramble in a Read More cut below!

Let's start with a quick recap of the highlights / achievements accomplished in 2023!

Okay, this one may be slightly cheating. While Emberfate only launched on Steam in Jan 2023 so the 92 positive reviews came in in the year of 2023, it was up on Itch.io since mid 2022, so not all 383 Itch.io ratings came in in 2023.

Still, I'm pretty proud of these stats! Perhaps the numbers are nothing compared to some other amazing games' out there, but it's still something I'm proud of. It makes me happy that my silly experimental nostalgic little game struck a chord in so many players — much more than I expected given how niche the topic was!

Now, unfortunately, I could not get Emberfate's DLC for Potato's route out by end of 2023 like I had hoped. Porting the game to mobile also ended up much more difficult than I expected because of just how much of the UI I'm going to have to redesign — and hence, programming to be redone — if I wanted to make the game fit a small mobile screen. So both plans are going to have to be postponed to 2024.

The other notable highlight of 2023 is that both Lyrissa's and Kierdan's routes for Reanimation Scheme were released for beta access! That put the game at 3/5 routes complete, with a total of 431,786 words for the script.

I recruited a handful of beta testers to test the three completed routes a few months ago, and so far, the feedback has been positive overall. That's been a huge relief and lifted a massive weight off my chest — due to the controversial reception of the demo, I've been extremely anxious that the game would be hated by the players, and I've done so many rounds of editing and honestly perhaps somewhat unnecessary and obsessive rewriting of the script, but none of it felt good enough 😂 So hearing the positive comments has been a huge motivation / morale booster. Perhaps I should have done beta testing sooner… LOL

There are two more achievements unrelated to a specific game project that I'd like to mention:

2023 is the year that I became more interested in and better at Ren'Py programming! Most of it is thanks to my amazing programmer friend and Ren'Py wizard, Feniks (whom you may know as the programmer for Our Life series), who sparked my interest in programming and helped teach me a LOT. While I'm by no means a professional now at coding, I feel much more comfortable navigating around Ren'Py code and setting up what I need to in the backend of the games I'm developing, which opens up new doors for me for future projects in terms of what kind of features (big or small) that I may be able to include! Though the side effect of that is I looked back at the code I did for Reanimation Scheme from previous years and was immediately horrified by how ugly and inefficient it was. 😂I did redo the backend code of the Gallery and Achievements system a bit, but the rest will just have to stay for now.

I made quite a few new connections within the indie VN dev sphere in 2023! I made a shocking discovery that there's enough number of indie VN developers from Hong Kong to fill half a minibus, and I was lucky enough to connect with them and share our experiences and learn from each other! Due to new project commissions I took on for $$$ (real life financial needs suck), as well as a couple of small game jam projects I joined as programmer to buff up my programming portfolio, I also made some new VN dev friends unexpectedly. It's been really nice, because honestly, solo dev can be a really lonely and isolating endeavor sometimes. I'm super grateful for the new connections I found myself making in 2023!

Looking Ahead: 2024

Okay, that was a lot of rambling for the recap. More than I thought I would write. Now let's move forward to what the future will look like for this studio in 2024 and what goals I'm setting for myself this year!

Priority #1: Finishing Reanimation Scheme

Of course it's Reanimation Scheme. As mentioned above, we're currently at 3 out of 5 routes completed (sans partial voice acting). So the biggest goal for 2024 will be to get the game done. and out. Finally.

I won't be giving a concrete release date until we're like, literally in beta phase for all 5 routes, just so I won't have to announce a delay and let people down. But given the current progress and pace of work, I'd say probably around mid-year — maybe Q3 latest.

I'll be keeping up with the episodic updates of Reanimation Scheme's beta build on Patreon (and Kickstarter) from this month onwards, beginning with Jori's route and then followed by Sebastien's.

The remaining Kickstarter rewards may take a little longer — but ideally, all of them (artbook / lorebook / short stories collections, etc.) will be done by end of the year as well.

Priority #2: Potato's Route DLC for Emberfate

Potato, poor Potato. His DLC had to be put on the sidelines until Reanimation Scheme is done.

Half of the art has already been commissioned and completed by the amazing Remnantation — we're just missing his selfie CG & his MMO character sprite! So the next step would be the script and then the voice acting for the calls part. I won't be able to start on the script until mid-2024 earliest, but given the fact that his route won't be that long if it's parallel in length compared to the existing three routes, it probably won't take too long to do. Perhaps 2-3 months for the development process of the DLC?

I'll likely be releasing his DLC early on Patreon, potentially also episodically as it's completed, like I did with Emberfate. So if you're interested, keep an eye out for it when the time comes!

Something Secretly Brewing in the Shadows?

If you're pledged to this Patreon on $10 tier or above, you'll probably already know what I'm alluding to.

I won't be announcing or talking much about this for now, since I don't know when I'll be able to start working on this project properly (i.e. I need to meet my above two goals first). For all I know, it might end up being not a 2024 thing but a 2025 thing. So I'll only tease it slightly for now here.

Bonus Goal: Market, for the Love of God

If you follow Wind Chimes Games on either Twitter or Tumblr, you'll probably have noticed the sorry state of my social media. I… really do not like marketing or posting on social media. I never know what to post or say. I'm too unfunny and uncreative to meme or write humorous captions that get engagement. 😂It kind of feels like I'm shouting into the void, and nobody really cares about what I have to say on my projects when there's so many cooler and more interesting things out there. So I always try for a brief period of time, and then I give up 😭

This year though, I really really need to take marketing more seriously. With two releases planned for 2024, marketing is going to be important if I want the games to sell more than like 20 copies LOL

So I guess, uh, hold me to it and call me out if I don't start posting regularly after all 🥹

Conclusion

If you've made it this far on this post, thank you so much for listening to me ramble. 🥹 2024 is going to be a very busy year, but hopefully, a productive one that will end with me meeting all of the above listed goals.

Thank you so much for joining me on the wild and bumpy journey that was 2023, and I hope you'll stick around for the exciting things to come this year too! Here's to a great year ahead of all of us!

[moonstrider9904]

Passacaille

Chapter Seven of Half-Moon Glow

Pairing: Crosshair x Female OC (Aurora Dawn)

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Summary: After Aurora and the Batch’s encounter with Sobeck and the 104th division on Christophsis, Aurora and Crosshair enjoy a night alone on Coruscant.

Tags/warnings: Explicit (18+, minors begone). Soft smut oral and vaginal sex, and overall just a dreamy, romantic date night chapter. Some PTSD. Hurt/comfort. Brief alcohol consumption.

A/N: My loves… I know I’ve said “I’m back” like four times this year. It has been over one year since I last updated this fic, and a huge reason for that is having moved out of my childhood home where writing just comes naturally. I am writing this as I have returned for Christmas, and being able to write a softer, light-hearted chapter in my current Crosshair fic seems so fitting that a part of me feels it has to be fate. Thank you to everyone who’s remained even while I’ve been away. This blog and writing are a form of a home I can always come back to. I really hope I still got it and that this chapter lives up to what my writing has been in the past. 

Also, not me projecting my dream date in some far-fetched fantasy world lol

Word count: 5.3k

No new assignments had come in.

In the rare peace that came with nothingness—no missions, no wounds to clean, no running for her life—Aurora lay on her bed contemplating the dim gray ceiling above her in silence. She let the sounds of steps and chatter outside her room come and go like the thoughts forming in her mind, basking in the mix of relaxation and tension.

The longest she could go without thinking back to Christophsis was just under five minutes, as she confirmed by tearing her eyes from the ceiling to the clock at her bedside as a way to distract her from the memories. Aurora wanted more than anything else to simply not think of that anymore, and even focusing on Crosshair’s heroic rescue of her didn’t put balm over the wounds. She’d been held hostage while facing heartbreak and her own demise, hurt when she was the one supposed to do the healing.

She’d never felt weaker than she had at that moment.

Aurora sat up on her bed, knowing that lying down wasn’t doing her or her spiraling mind any favors. With a heavy sigh, she tried grounding herself; her hands clenched the bed’s comforter underneath her, the fabric fuzzy and soft against her cold fingertips, and when she let go of the fabric, it didn’t go back to its original state. Her gaze focused on a point between the line where the door met the floor, separating her bedroom from the hallway, and she took a deep breath in while closing her eyes.

It’s okay to still get memories. It’s okay to feel sad at what happened because it was a terrible thing to go through. From being taken hostage to getting a blast wound on her thigh, to believing she wouldn’t see the man she loved ever again, a man who at that point she was convinced she had broken up with for good regardless of whether they saw one another again, all of that had made up the cloud that still loomed in her mind. But I’m not on Christophsis anymore, I’m on Coruscant. I’m healing. I’m safe. I’m wearing part of Crosshair’s armor.

Aurora looked down at her forearm, covered by the gray and black piece of armor he’d given her, and the corner of her lip curved up.

He wants me here.

With her next exhale, Aurora felt tears pooling in her eyes, tears she didn’t bother holding back. After taking that moment to reflect, she felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders, and the hole in her chest seemed to lighten up as well. The point she was staring at seemed to materialize in front of her as she finally returned to the real world, to the safe walls of her temporary room at Coruscant, escaping the cell she was held at on Christophsis. When the tears stopped coming, Aurora wiped her cheek dry and stood up from the bed.

Perfectly timed, her wrist comm began to beep.

“Come in,” Aurora answered.

“You sound more like yourself,” Hunter said from the other end of the comm—he’d be the only one able to pick up on the most subtle signs Aurora could give in regards to her emotions. “Got any plans tonight?”

“I… I think?” She raised a brow, doubtful. “Your brother left me a message earlier to meet him.”

“Are you sure you want to go with him?” Hunter sounded like he was teasing. “You could always bail on him and I’ll make sure to annoy the shit outta him.”

Aurora chuckled. “No, I think he’s apologized enough.”

“So you’re not mad at him anymore?”

“Crosshair’s one of those men you’re always mad at,” Aurora replied.

Hunter laughed heartily on the other end of the comm. “Good answer.”

When Hunter quieted down, Aurora felt her features soften.

“I think…” she began. “I think he really does want me to be here.”

“For the record, we all want you here with us,” Hunter replied. “But you’re right.”

Aurora smiled into the comm. She was confident that Hunter knew his brothers better than anyone else did, and hearing that coming from him warmed her heart.

“So where are you meeting him?”

“He’s actually going to come here—”

“So it’s that kind of date,” Hunter interrupted her; she could hear the wink in his voice.

“To pick me up, and then we’re going out,” Aurora finished as she held in her laughter. “He hasn’t given me more details. You know him.”

“Oh, I see,” Hunter dragged the words out, teasing her.

“You know all about it, don’t you?” Aurora raised a brow.

Hunter chuckled. “Have fun.”

And then the line went silent. As she became aware of the smile that had formed on her lips, Aurora realized it had been a while since she’d had such a sweet comm call. Her attention was eventually drawn to the present moment when a golden ray of sun reflected off a distant building outside, making the warm light land on the walls of her room. The sun was going down, and it was about time she got out of her uniform and into something worthy of a night out.

The nights were getting colder on Coruscant, and with that in mind, Aurora picked out a long-sleeved A-line black dress; its skirt reached halfway down her thighs and flowed gracefully over her hips. The top had a round neckline that went deep enough for the start of her sternum tattoo to be visible, and she had adorned her neck and collar with a dainty chain with a moon pendant. Her legs were covered by black tights thick enough to keep her from freezing—the tights and the skirt fully concealed the fact that her thigh was wounded, but her brief limp while walking would still give her away—and she finished her outfit with a pair of dark brown boots with a small, manageable heel.

Aurora put her lavender hair in a messy bun, perfectly balancing elegance with softness. For her eyes, she coated her lashes with mascara just to give them a subtle lift and added some shadow to her crease for more depth, and her lips were tainted with a berry-wine colored lipstick that made a striking contrast with her blue skin and the golden marks along her cheekbones. And when she looked at herself in the mirror, not only did she feel pleased at how beautiful she looked, but it dawned on her that the last time she’d gotten that dolled-up was on Naboo.

An urge to change the past hit her suddenly. For a moment, she wanted nothing more than to change the way things had happened. If she and Crosshair hadn’t fought during Naboo, maybe Christophsis wouldn’t have turned out so terrible.

Or perhaps you should stop burdening yourself with that, Aurora thought.

She took another moment to look at herself in the mirror hoping with all her heart that despite the events of the previous days, that night would be wonderful. With a sigh of resolve, Aurora walked away from the mirror and went to fold her uniform neatly over her bed. The pile of folded clothing was crowned by Crosshair’s forearm pad on top of it, a place where it would safely wait for her until duty called again. She then looked out the window to a dark sky with more city lights shining than stars.

Aurora sat on her bed and waited as she continued to stare at the city scenery, until at last a knock came at the door of her bedroom. Her chest fluttered, suddenly nervous at the first real date she’d have with a man who’d spent so long driving her crazy in more ways than one, and nevertheless, she felt heat rushing to her cheeks and her full lips becoming a smile. Aurora got up from the bed and went to open her door, and there stood the definition of tall, dark, and handsome, dressed in a black suit and holding a single pink peony out before his chest.

Crosshair’s brown eyes glided over her figure before they finally met hers, and in that gaze was a flood of emotions he’d never dream of speaking out loud.

“Hey,” was all he managed to say.

Aurora gave a soft chuckle. “Hi.”

The sly, snarky sniper found himself at a loss for words. For Aurora, it was her first real date with him. For Crosshair, it was his first real date, and he found himself in uncharted territory where he couldn’t rely on the scope of his rifle to get a better visual of.

“I…” his voice was husky. “I brought you this.”

Aurora looked at the peony and took it from him, her fingers delicately brushing his as she grabbed the flower. She held it up to her nose and took in its scent, and she met eyes with him on her exhale.

“It’s perfect,” she said. “Thank you, Crosshair.”

Her words allowed most of the tension to leave Crosshair, and he felt the muscles of his body relaxing as Aurora went to place the flower neatly on her nightstand. She then turned around and stared silently at Crosshair, her big eyes widening with expectation.

“What is it?” She asked him.

Crosshair smirked. “You look incredible.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” Aurora replied. “Now where is this sharp-dressed sharpshooter taking me tonight?”

Crosshair chuckled and he held out his bent arm for her to link her arm in it. “This way.”

With a smile, Aurora turned off the lights of her room and walked up to him, taking his arm as he’d offered. As Crosshair began leading her out of the room, closing the door behind him, and into the hallway, he noticed the way she still had to limp between her steps.

His heart sank. Aurora felt his gaze hardening and looked up at him, her gaze soft and reassuring.

“It’s fine,” she said. “Really.”

“Are you sure you can walk?” Crosshair asked.

“I’ll be fine as long as you don’t let go of me,” Aurora smiled.

She’d meant those words literally, but seeing the result of the blast wound on her thigh reignited feelings of regret and of fear within Crosshair. He stopped walking and looked at her, and he used his spare hand to gently lift up her chin and leaned down to kiss her lips.

“I won’t ever let you go again,” he whispered.

Aurora’s cheeks gained a purple tint as she smiled up at him, and she perked up to give him another soft peck before resting her weight on his stable figure again.

“Aurora, I meant what I said when I told you how sorry I was,” Crosshair said. “I fucked up harder than I ever have—”

She cupped his cheek, her eyes softening with the remnants of her sadness.

“Crosshair,” she spoke his name with unimaginable kindness. “If I was still angry with you, I wouldn’t be going on this date with you now. My leg will heal eventually, and as horrible as Christophsis was, it’s already happened.”

He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer. “You and I both know war memories stick.”

“It’s a part of the way we live,” she answered. “And yes, memories of that day do flood me frequently, but I’d rather be here with you now than keep succumbing to them.”

“You make it sound easy,” he smirked.

“It’s easier with you here.”

Crosshair smiled at her response and rested his forehead on hers for a moment before he continued to lead her down the hall and into the elevator that would take them down. When they emerged, they were at the main level of headquarters, and Crosshair walked Aurora over to the transports. As they walked, Aurora began asking herself what Crosshair could have planned for her date, what Hunter could have been so excited about that he had to call and tease.

The first question regarding the date was answered when Aurora spotted Wrecker standing in front of a compact, four-passenger speeder, suited up and holding up a board that read Ms. Dawn.

“Wrecker?” Aurora giggled.

“I do not know of whom you speak,” Wrecker answered eloquently. “I am the driver taking my unknown clients to their destination.”

Aurora laughed as Crosshair gestured for her to step into the vehicle, helping her so that she wouldn’t feel any pain while she did, and then he got in after her.

“Does the plan stand, my good sir?” Driver Wrecker asked Crosshair.

“It does,” Crosshair replied, giving a subtle yet playful roll of his eyes.

“Off we go then,” Wrecker stepped in the pilot’s seat. “No making out in my speeder.”

Wrecker drove off with the couple on the rear seats, and as soon as the speeder got in movement, the city lights caught Aurora’s attention. She watched them as they glided past her gaze and enjoyed the breeze on her cheeks—despite being in the middle of the biggest city in the galaxy, the air felt fresh and even clean. She would barely blink, eyes wide with wonder, and as she stared at the scenery, Crosshair’s ever watchful eyes would only focus on her.

Looking at her that way, Crosshair couldn’t decide if Aurora looked more stunning or endearing.

Slowly, Crosshair reached out for her hand. Aurora looked away from the city landscape the moment she felt his skin come in contact with hers, and with a tender smile, she locked her fingers with his. They didn’t say anything, though Crosshair was about to tell her to turn back to watching the city lights, which he now knew she loved so much. Before any words left him, however, Aurora carefully scooted closer to him, her body pressing to his side, and she leaned on him as she continued to bask in the city’s nightlife.

The ride was shorter than Aurora had expected, and before long, the vehicle came to a stop. Wrecker remained in his chauffeur character and gallantly opened the door for her and Crosshair, only breaking his role to remind his youngest brother to “send food to his loyal driver before he took off”. Crosshair nudged his brother before walking off with Aurora by his side, and he led her into the building.

Aurora couldn’t help but feel out of place. Though they weren’t in the building yet, Aurora recognized the part of the city they were at, one of the most high-end zones of the Coruscant capital. Around them, people of all races dressed in luxurious clothing and adorned with heavy accessories went about their night, some alone, some in couples, some in groups—it made sense why she’d received prior instruction to use her best outfit that night. It was the opposite of being in a war zone or even in GAR headquarters. Heck, the war didn’t even exist in that place.

But a night away from the war and anything to do with it was all Aurora wanted.

They approached the building that towered before them, tall and covered in glass panes that made it appear star-studded in the middle of the city skyline. At the top of the entrance, the word Passacaille was written in large, golden letters beaming with warm light to make them stand out in the night setting.

They were about to enter one of the fanciest hotels on the planet, possibly in the galaxy.

“Cross…” Aurora said, breathless. “Is this for real?”

“Yes,” he answered bluntly.

She let out a chuckle. “You didn’t have to go overboard—how can you even afford this? The restaurant, the speeder, what’s next? Are you going to take me to another planet?”

Crosshair chuckled. “We’re not leaving Coruscant’s atmosphere tonight. As for how I could afford this, call it a mix of my own Sabacc savings and a couple of returned favors.”

“I knew you were good at gambling, but… Returned favors?” Aurora raised a brow.

“Our squad takes on some unforeseen missions, some of them not entirely backed by the GAR,” Crosshair said. “Not exactly dirty work, but we’ve gotten enough members of the high-society and fellow clone squads out of a number of problems to earn their respect.”

The revelation paired with Crosshair in a full black suit and tie made Aurora’s blood flow to hidden corners. She snapped out of how much of a turn-on she found that to be when they reached past the building’s lobby and to the entrance of the restaurant, and Crosshair was greeted by the host to claim his reservation.

“This way, sir,” said the host, and he guided Crosshair and Aurora to a table near the center of the restaurant, placed right under an opulent chandelier that appeared, at least to the untrained eye, to be made of diamonds. Crosshair pulled out a chair for Aurora to sit, and then he took the seat in front of her. The host handed each one a menu and gave a faint bow before leaving them to it, and as hungry as Aurora was, she couldn’t help but gawk at the restaurant itself while listening to the soft piano music in the background and the faint chatter and clanking of dishes and glasses of the people around them.

Even the table where they were sitting was high-end. Made of a dark wood and covered by a dark red cloth, it was adorned at the center by a cylindrical container made of thin glass, filled with beads that looked like precious stones, with enough space inside it to hold two small candles. On top of each placemat, there was a cloth napkin folded into what Aurora felt resembled the peony Crosshair had given her earlier, and there was a set of more cutlery than Aurora could deduce use for.

She knew she’d use the wrong spoon for whatever she ate that night eventually.

“What do you think?” Crosshair broke the silence.

Aurora finally met his eyes again and couldn’t help but let out another breathless laugh. “This is wonderful, Crosshair…” Her chest heaved up and down before she forced herself to keep her feet on the ground. “I don’t want you thinking you always have to spend this much—”

“Enough of that,” he said. “Enjoy yourself.”

“Well, that I can do,” she smiled as she opened the menu and looked at everything the place had to offer. “Do you think they sell choccy blue milk here?”

Crosshair chuckled. “Come on, darling, that’s a joke Wrecker would make.”

“I had to,” she giggled.

Putting jokes aside, Aurora had to hold in a gasp at how delicious everything on the menu looked. It would be hard to only choose one thing, but by the time the waiter came around to take their order, she had decided on the plate of dumplings bathed in a five-cheese and herbs sauce. Crosshair went for a similar choice, except his plate had a spicy sauce. Once their order was taken, the waiter left them a bottle of white wine to enjoy in the meantime.

With their glasses full, Crosshair and Aurora clinked their glasses together and talked. Though they told stories of battles, it didn’t feel like they were talking about the war, and before Aurora even realized, her cheeks were sore from all the smiling. Soon, the subject morphed from wartime tales to Crosshair retelling his many Sabacc victores, which he eloquently disclosed as his foot rubbed Aurora’s calf under the table.

Soon, the plates were empty and the wine was gone. Crosshair paid for the dinner while Aurora watched him, her cheek resting on the palm of her hand with glistening eyes. Had she been less discreet, a dreamy sigh would have escaped her. She managed to hold it in, but not without its difficulties—the sight of Crosshair being a complete gentleman was all she didn’t know she needed.

After a lovely dinner, Crosshair got up from his chair and helped Aurora up from hers. He led her out of the restaurant and across the Passacaille’s lobby, and though Aurora was still mesmerized by the decor, her concentration broke when she realized Crosshair was not leading her to the exit.

“Where are we going?” Aurora asked. “Wrecker must be waiting for us by now.”

“Our chauffeur is long gone, darlin’,” Crosshair answered and made a gesture towards the elevators.

Aurora blushed. “Oh…”

“Is everything okay?” Crosshair asked.

“Yes!” Aurora blurted. “Oh, stars, yes, I just didn’t expect to be spending the night here as well.”

“Believe it,” Crosshair purred, pulling Aurora closer. “Come.”

They got into an empty elevator; Crosshair pressed the button for the penthouse and closed the door before anyone else could get in. As soon as the door closed and the elevator began moving up, Aurora pressed her body to Crosshair’s and wrapped her arms around his upper back. He kissed her without hesitation and wrapped his arms around her waist, lifting her gently so as to not hurt her. Time seemed to disappear as they sank into one another, hidden from the world and the war and from prying eyes. Their hardships were irrelevant if only for that moment. All that mattered was what they felt for one another, whether they spoke it aloud or not.

The couple felt the pull of gravity as the elevator came to a stop, and with a delicate ding! the doors opened to reveal a small, warmly lit hallway. Crosshair regained composure and walked Aurora out of the elevator and up to the single green door that was framed by glass panes, allowing for a tease of the penthouse behind it. He got the door open and Aurora couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her.

The walls were made of glass, and the edges were all lined with plants, from flowers to herbs, even succulents from different arid planets. Entwined in the plants were a series of warm fairy lights, adding a touch of coziness to the luxurious penthouse. On one of the corners there was a small fountain made of rock—water sprouted from the middle of a spherical black stone and fell onto a bowl of grayish marble, and the sound of spluttering water contrasted with the crackling of the fireplace on the opposite side of the room. There were two long couches made of black velvet in front of the fireplace, and behind them was an embroidered carpet made of black and silver threads. Beside the fountain was a nightstand, a large bed covered in a black fluffy comforter, and another nightstand, above which was a small lamp along with the controls to the rest of the lighting of the penthouse, including the artificial fireplace.

“I…” Aurora tried to recover her breath. “I feel like a princess.”

Crosshair gave a low chuckle as he closed and locked the door behind them. “So you like this place?”

“What a question,” Aurora smiled as she walked deeper into the room, examining every detail. She walked past the couches, brushing her fingers over the velvet, and felt a typhoon of emotions forming within her. As she took them all in, she turned to look at Crosshair again, who was already staring at her every move.

“What is it?” He asked her.

Aurora felt the blast wound on her hamstring begin to tingle. “Just a few days ago, I thought it would be over.”

“Hey,” Crosshair removed his coat and set it on the rack beside the door, walking towards her with his hands ready to take hers in them. “You’re here now, with me. In this place. You deserve no less than to feel at home in a room like this.”

“I’m sorry,” Aurora took his hands, her voice breaking. “I’m sorry, this is absolutely beautiful, Crosshair. More than I ever could have imagined. I don’t want to ruin it with my laments.”

“You aren’t ruining it,” he said, taking hold of her waist.

She looked at him with twinkling purple eyes and then gazed out the glass walls of the penthouse at the Coruscant skyline. Slowly, she unwrapped herself from Crosshair’s grip and walked over to the edge to better take in the sight, and Crosshair followed, positioning himself beside her.

“It’s like the war doesn’t exist here,” Aurora said. “And yet…”

“And yet, you and I just had the shittiest mission we can think of,” Crosshair completed for her.

Aurora gulped. “Yeah, that… that about sums it up.”

He turned to face her. “Aurora.”

She looked up at him, his features hardening the way they would when he would struggle to get words out.

“I…” he began. “I really thought I was going to lose you. I was willing to do anything to keep that from happening, but there were moments when…”

“I know,” Aurora said. “Believe me, I know.”

“I never want to feel that way again,” Crosshair admitted. “I had never been more afraid of anything in my life, and that scares me.”

“Cross…” Aurora sighed.

“Do you have any idea the hold you have on me?” He asked her.

“I can only imagine it’s the same as the one you have on me,” Aurora took his hands. “The war scares me too. Losing you scares me too. Losing you to anything, it’s unthinkable.”

Silence fell between them, and Crosshair cupped her warm cheek, tilting her face up to meet her gaze as he pulled her close.

“I wish we could stay here,” Aurora whispered. “I wish we didn’t have to go back in the morning.”

Crosshair acknowledged her words, but then he was the one to look at the city landscape.

“I want what you want,” Crosshair said. “But… don’t get me wrong, but war is my purpose.”

“It was your first one,” Aurora agreed. “But you could find another one.”

Crosshair met her gaze again, and her purple eyes gleamed with hope.

“Right?” She whispered.

His lips curved into a hint of a smile before he took his hands up to the back of her head, undoing the bun her lavender hair had been tied into. Once her hair fell in graceful waves down her shoulders, Crosshair found himself leaning down to kiss her. As she kissed him back, Aurora ran her hands up and down his back feeling the fabric of his black shirt. Crosshair began to lead her towards the bed, stumbling, refusing to break the kiss for longer than was necessary. When they reached the bed, he reached up her back and undid the button and zipper of her dress, and before undressing her, he swept her off her feet to place her gently on the bed—he relished in the soft whimper she made when he did that.

Crosshair climbed on the bed after undoing and removing his tie, as well as his shoes. He kissed her lips again as his right hand reached for the room’s controls, dimming the lights and making the glass walls opaque to conceal them from the world outside. Crosshair broke the kiss to remove the clothing on her, item by item. Her shoes, her tights, with more care than he ever thought he could muster as he gently revealed the bandage on her thigh, her dress. She was left in a black lace bra and panties, and basking in the sight of her, he removed his shirt.

Aurora couldn’t help but moan at the sight of him taking off his shirt and revealing his torso, marked by tattoos and battle scars. The light of the fireplace behind him seemed to make him glow, but the thought escaped Aurora when he leaned back down to kiss her again. Her breathing became heavier and a gentle moan left her as she entwined her fingers delicately through his silver hair.

Crosshair then made his way down to kiss her neck and her collarbone, obliviously bringing a fingertip to brush over the necklace she wore. He made his way farther down, and the lower he went, the more Aurora’s chest heaved. She felt his touch over her skin, shivers dancing wherever his fingers went. Sensations covered her belly, her hips, her inner thighs, and finally he was down between her legs wrapping his fingers around the black lace of her panties and pulling them down.

He didn’t beat around the bush. Aurora gasped and moaned the moment she felt his tongue over her clit, and she couldn’t help her eyes rolling back—he was just that good with her. As Crosshair kept eating her out, one of his hands snaked up Aurora’s body up to her belly, where her hand met his. She moaned deeper and deeper the more he flicked and sucked on her delicate skin, and she was so aroused that it took her no time to fall into bliss. Throwing her head back, Aurora squeezed Crosshair’s hand, her body squirming at wave after wave of pleasure, hearing Crosshair moan as her legs inevitably clenched towards him.

“Please,” Aurora whimpered. “I need you inside me now.”

Crosshair emerged from between her legs and crawled up to be at eye level with her. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t,” she said, mindful of the bandage around her thigh. “I trust you.”

Crosshair was already struggling to hold into more control, but as his dark gaze looked into Aurora’s blissful eyes, he couldn’t keep holding back. He removed his trousers and his boxers and positioned himself above her once more, looking deep into her eyes.

“If it starts to hurt, let me know,” he said.

Aurora nodded frantically, biting her lower lip.

“I need you to promise,” he added.

“I promise,” Aurora replied, pulling up to kiss his lips.

Crosshair eventually settled his weight down and kissed her with more fervor as he inserted himself into her walls, shuddering at how tight and warm she felt around him. Aurora moaned at the fullness inside her, with a hint of relief escaping her voice. Crosshair’s pace began slow, luscious, always careful not to add too much pressure onto her legs. He didn’t need to go any faster—they were already so lost in one another that they were already in heaven with each other. Aurora moaned into Crosshair’s kisses, holding him tighter with every thrust he gave.

Her moans became high-pitched whimpers, and Crosshair increased his pace ever so slightly, enough to send her over the edge. He delighted in the rich moaning that came from her, and he felt the way that she tightened around him as her silhouette squirmed beneath him. He grunted at the tightness, dangerously close to the edge himself, until one last tug of her hand at his silver curls ended him and he spilled thick, white ropes of cum inside her.

Moaning in unison, the two collapsed onto the bed under them and caught their breath, merely enjoying the presence of one another after some long awaited, much deserved loving. Crosshair moved up to meet her gaze, inquiring with his gaze if she had felt any pain, any discomfort.

Aurora smiled in response. “I told you, you wouldn’t hurt me.”

Crosshair kissed her forehead. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Never again.”

She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close, but with the strength he had, Crosshair picked her up again and carried her over to the couch in front of the fireplace on the other side of the room. He gathered the bed’s comforter and went to sit next to her, placing her body leaning on his before covering them both in the tick, fuzzy blanket, softly kissing her temple when they were finally settled.

“Thank you for tonight,” Aurora said.

Under the blanket, Crosshair’s hand found hers and interlaced fingers. “I’m glad you like it.”

They looked at each other and perked up for another brief kiss before settling on the couch and letting the fireplace lull them to slumber.

{Next chapter} {Back to series masterlist}

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Thank you so much for reading!

[femmefatalevibe]

This is super awkward and embarrassing to ask but do u have any workout tips and recommendations for someone who is not only overweight but has bigger breasts too? It's always super hard for me to workout because any exercise that I try, my breast keep bouncing and moving erratically lol. Bras don't help too. So doing exercise as a fat person is hard and gets me sweaty but then doing it with big breasts is another story. For example, if I'm doing jumping Jack's, it's uncomfortable and hurts because my chest is literally bouncing. Even with no jumping workouts, it's the same. Or when I'm doing planks or smth, my breasts are just literally hanging and it's super off putting. It's a shame becuase I've been trying to improve my health and lose weight but its super hard to do any real, effective exercises. The easy thing that's easy for me is walking but even running is super hard. Any tips?

I'm sorry if this is too long or personal. Thaknkyou!

Hi love! This is not too personal at all – I bet many women with your body type relate to this struggle. Glad that you feel safe enough to be vulnerable with me about this dilemma.

*Huge disclaimer here: I'm a fairly petite person with smaller breasts, so my advice here is from what I've learned about personal styling/health & wellness over the years.*

I would say these are some helpful tips for working out in a larger body/with a bigger bust:

Make sure you have a VERY well-fitting sports bra for your workout sessions. A control top legging or bike short can also be helpful if you feel self-conscious when working out/to keep any rolls out of the way. Brands like Nike/Knix are known for their great options – have heard some women have success with some Target options as well for a more budget-friendly choice.

If possible, try swimming and aquatic exercises – they can lessen pressure on your joints and just make you feel like all over the place with a large chest.

Do more lying-down exercises: leg lifts/lateral leg lifts, leg raises, dead bugs, hip thrusts, bike crunches

Try standing exercises without jumping: squats, lunges, standing twists, squat crunches, dumbbell presses, overhead circles

Strengthen your core for better natural bust support/to lift & firm your breast tissue. Exercises that strengthen your diaphragm (the area right under your bust), upper back, and core to help alleviate some of the pain. Pushups, wall pushups, leg raises, chest presses, and front/side raises with dumbells are known to be potentially effective for reducing breast size/firming the area

Hope this helps xx

[kiss-inthekitchen]

inside your mind | m.m

summary: you try to outwit Matt's heightened senses. it doesn't go too well, but you're successful in other ways.

wc: 550

notes: this is ooc for Matt being happy and smiling lol. in character for Matt being a huge sub. contains ~suggestive content~ also i'm so late to the Daredevil fandom. title is a the 1975 song bc i've been obsessed with it this month and it kind of works

“I told you, you can’t surprise me,” Matt laughs, catching your wrist again.

“One day,” you huff, snatching your hand back from him and immediately trying it again, reaching for his waist this time, “I’m gonna do it,” Matt can practically hear the frown in your voice, and he can’t keep the smile from his face as he catches you, yet again.

“Good luck with that.”

“Ugh,” you groan, flopping back against your pillow.

Matt, who had been leaning against the headboard, shuffles down to your level, turning towards you and propping himself up on his elbow. “Giving up so easily?”

“Yes,” you lie, and then immediately reach for his forearm with the intention to knock his support out from under him. And of course, he stops you.

“Getting crafty, hm? It was a good try. I respect the effort.”

“You are so annoying, you know that?”

He hums. “And yet, here you are in my bed. Must be something keeping you.”

Instead of responding, you try a rapid fire approach, trying to make contact anywhere and everywhere as he effortlessly blocks all your attempts. Matt’s laughing, and you’re trying not to smile through the disgruntled front you’re putting up, when he grabs both your wrists and doesn’t let go, rolling on top of you as he pins your hands down by your head.

He’s got a triumphant air about him, one eyebrow raised in a silent challenge, and though you love seeing him like this, you’re not going down that easy.

Matt can hear the slight uptick in your heart rate as you make the decision. You drop your voice down a little lower than usual, using the part of your register you save just for him. “I guess you got me. But I think we both know where you’d rather be.”

You hook one of your legs over his, lifting your hips and pushing against his body. Whether you’ve really caught him off guard or he’s just letting you have your way, he still falls back against the mattress, your legs straddling his hips. Somewhere in the shuffle he’d released his hold on you, and you held his hands above his head now, putting your full weight onto them.

“You know I could get out of this in a second,” his breathing has picked up, you can hear it in his voice and it brings a wicked smile to your face.

“I know you could, baby,” you hum, switching your hold on him so you have both his wrists held down by just one of your hands, weakening your hold even further. With your free hand, you slide up the expanse of his neck, resting just beneath his jaw and turning his head to the side to give you a better angle. You lean in, kissing your way up his neck before breathing out, right next to his ear, “But you don’t want to.” You can feel the heavy rise and fall of his chest beneath you before you sit back up, your thumb softly grazing against his jaw. “Do you?”

He almost whines at the loss of contact as you sit up. “No, ma’am.” His voice comes out rougher than before, and you fucking love it.

“That’s what I thought. Think you always know my next move, baby? Why don’t you tell me what I’m gonna do next.”

[kirishimas-manly-eyeliner]

➶ WHAT MAKES THE MHA BOYS BREAK (PT. 1)

pairings: mezo shoji, tokoyami fumikage, hanta sero, izuku midoriya, shoto todoroki, eijiro kirishima, denki kaminari, hitoshi shinsou

warnings: reverse comfort, may or may not have cried a lil’ while writing this. this one hurt a lot but it’s so sweet and fluffy, enjoy luvs!! also lol you could see my favoritism for kirishima

part two with bakugo, iida, ojiro, tamaki, mirio, hawks, dabi, shigaraki, and aizawa is here!

WHEN YOU CALL THEM BEAUTIFUL: MEZO SHOJI, TOKOYAMI FUMIKAGE, HANTA SERO

MEZO SHOJI 

(HE’S SO UNDERRATED LIKE PLS Y’ALL 😩)

he starts panicking as soon as you ask him to take off his mask

at first, he declines right away before turning his face around so you couldn’t touch the fabric

“mezo, i promise. i won’t hurt you, or judge you i just- i want you to trust me, is that alright with you?” you said gently. “but if you don’t want to, don’t worry about it, ‘kay?”

could he really trust you? or would you leave when he found out he wasn’t a normal person with a normal smile, that he was a monster, that was someone who looked different, what would you do?

but if you didn’t love him for who he really was, then... what was the point, right?

shoji let out a trembled sighed in defeat as his dupli-arms took the mask off. he looked down in shame, eyes shut so he couldn’t see your reaction

but your reaction was... completely unexpected

"You're beautiful!!! Why didn't you tell me that you looked so lovely all this time baby??" 

did he just hear you correctly?

did you just-- call him beautiful?

and in that moment, in those small moments, you can see his geniune smile.

his real smile beneath the mask, as his eyes shine for the first time with sincere, and earnest love and thanks

pls keep him 🥺

TOKOYAMI FUMIKAGE

the moment he hear the words "you're beautiful" come out of your mouth, he couldn't stop thinking about it for days. 

and i mean days as in multiple days, so probably weeks

and he’ll probably think about it for the rest of his life

because when he looked at himself, he thought: what about him was beautiful? 

he didn't have human-like features like everyone else, he didn't have those big muscles and a nice body, because-- well, he had a bird head!

A LITERAL BIRD HEAD, so why on earth did you: you who had human features, you who was so nice to everyone, and you who could have gone for so many other people call him beautiful?

he didn’t have that charisma and extroverted personality like some others did, and he kept to himself 

why did you think he was beautiful? how?

but you were the one who said it. you were the one who reminded him, you were the one who gave him hope

and he knew that you were always straightforward with the truth-- and this was a truth, too

and to him, that was the most beautiful thing.

HANTA SERO

this amazing bby doesn’t get enough recognition

but for a good part of his life, he’d been surrounded by people with amazing quirks, levels of strength, and amazing appearances.

he was literally friends with bakugo fricking katsuki, and he was in the same class as shoto todoroki

when he first met you, he had to convince himself for days that there was no way that he could ever catch your eye,

until he did.

when you two met after a long day of training and you told him a joke, his eyes sparkled and he laughed, genuinely

before you knew it, you blurted out the words, “you’re beautiful” before realizing what you’d said and flushing

lol sero chokes on his water

“...did you really mean that?” 

“i- yeah, sorry, i didn’t-”

“no, uh, thank you. thank you so much.”

for the next few days, he stays up at night and keeps on training because he thinks of the time you called him, who constantly felt like he wasn’t enough, beautiful

and that was more than enough to make him smile. 🥺💕

WHEN YOU KISS THEIR SCARS: IZUKU MIDORIYA, SHOTO TODOROKI

IZUKU MIDORIYA

he immediately starts tearing up when you kiss them

most people probably expect him to get flushed with something so intimate, but it’s the opposite

his scars are just something that’s so meaningful to him because it’s evidence of what he’s been through

but at the same time, he’s also insecure about them because he feels like he disappointed his mom by getting hurt so often 🥺

when you kiss his scars and tell them that they’re beautiful, he starts tearing up because-- wow

this is the moment that he’ll remember until the day he dies, because it’s when he feels free to finally open up to you

it’s when he feels free to open up to anyone, for that matter, and a huge weight just gets lifted off his chest

you took his hands and kissed his knuckles before pressing your forehead to his

izuku begins to cry, just a little bit as you gingerly kiss his scars again

“you see? you’re safe. you’re safe with me, okay?”

he nods slowly. “th-thank you.”

SHOTO TODOROKI

you two were walking back to the dorms after training out on the field together

it wasn’t too late a night, just a few minutes before curfew

your hands were buried in your pockets as you two talked about your day and what you could improve on in training

“shoto, can i ask you a question?”

he thought you were mad at him for a moment 😳

“sure.”

you swallowed, as you took a breath, “can i touch your scar?”

he whips his head around, out of shock and confusion

you wanted to touch his scar?

shoto had never planned on anything like that happening to him, and especially not from someone who meant so much to him

“...i suppose so,”

you hid your anxiousness and swallowed, cupping his face in your hands as your hand brushed across his scar

a jolt went through your fingers at that moment, and it was the first time you’d ever felt so connected to someone

shoto todoroki, the prodigy and son of endeavor was letting you touch his scar

to your surprise, shoto melted into it as he closed his eyes, placing his hand gently on top of yours 

you could feel his hands shaking though his expressions were so relaxed

you kissed the side of his scar, running a hand through his hair

“i’m so lucky to have you.”

WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT HIS QUIRK: EIJIRO KIRISHIMA, DENKI KAMINARI, HITOSHI SHINSOU 

EIJIRO KIRISHIMA

eijiro cursed as he slammed his head against the wall for the hundredth time that day

he hated to admit it, but ever since the sports festival, everything had just been falling apart

for starters, he was already insecure enough on his own about his quirk

it seemed like everyone had something flashy and made them look invincible, while he was stuck with something that could only follow around his body and cracked if he used it too much

and that... that made him upset

but when the sports festival came around, not only did he see everyone with amazing quirks and using them to their full potential, tetsutetsu had nearly the same quirk as him

and to make matters worse, they had tied and had to settle it with a fist fight

“why?” he asked to himself, looking down at the floor. “why couldn’t i- why couldn’t i have been born with a flashier quirk?”

great, now he was crying.

at least no one else was around to see him this weak-

“kirishima?”

oh shit.

he turned around, his bloodshot eyes locking with yours. “h-hey,” eijiro said weakly 

“what are you- what are you doing here-?” you noticed the way his body trembled when he took a breath and blood trickling from his forehead. “hey, are you okay?” you said.

eijiro sincerely had no idea what to say. “my quirk,” he looked down at his hands. 

you cocked your head. “what about it? i think it’s pretty neat!”

kirishima looked up. “really?”

“mhm!” you nodded enthusiastically. “it can be the strongest barrier, or the most powerful weapon! i think it’s cool that your body can just become a shield out of nowhere, it’s like-- it’s like you’re a shield, ya know? sure, todoroki might have his ice, but that makes damage and takes time to clean up, like midoriya’s punches or bakugo’s explosions. but your quirk is its own little thing! and i think that’s pretty neat.”

kirishima beamed. huh, maybe so. 

DENKI KAMINARI

“good job, bakugo!” 

“haha, nice job on that one, kirishima.”

“your quirk is so cool, todoroki! i love how the ice just went striaght through the roof!”

“nice jumping, deku! your punches are amazing.”

but i...

i was the one who helped the power come back, i was the one who literally fried my brain, i was the one who did all of that, and i-

i’m so weak.

denki inhaled through his nose, exhaled through his mouth, trying to stop the trembling in his breath as he closed his eyes

he had done so much, and what did he get in return?

all he wanted was to be someone, to be someone that made people smile, to be someone that people genuinely wanted to see

did anyone even want to see him?

“i’m a failure, i’m a failure, what am i doing, why am i so weakwhat’swrongwithmewhycan’tidoanythingright-”

“good job, kaminari!”

he turned his head, finding you running up to him and waving your hands up in the air

“hey! pikachu!” you exclaimed, trying to catch your breath once you stopped. “great job up there! you left before anyone else could notice, i can’t believe you managed to do all that. your quirk is so cool!”

denki’s heart swelled with pride, his eyes saying nothing but thanks.

your quirk is so cool!

“thanks, y/n! so, how do you feel about going to the arcade after school?”

HITOSHI SHINSOU

hitoshi stared at himself in the mirror, his eyes blood-shot and head fuzzy

“i’m not a villain.” hitoshi said slowly. “i can’t be a villain. i want to be a hero.” 

he splashed the sink water onto his face. “get yourself together, are you really going to let a few words hurt you?”

but hitoshi couldn’t help but feel that way-- what could he even use his quirk for- no, no, he could use it for so much. but...

“ha! a quirk such as yours should be only used for villains, you monster! you might as well get out of here before anyone else tries to kick you out.”

hitoshi screamed in anger, splashing the water across his face and pressing hard into his eyes, before slapping himself across the face

“get yourself together..”

“hey, shinsou!! i was wondering if-”

your eyes locked with his frustrated expression. “shinsou? is... something wrong?”

normally, he’d push you away, but-- but now, he really needed someone

your breath hitched when you saw his eyes land onto yours, but for some reason, there was something so lonely and upsetting behind them, before you remembered what a few students at ua had said.

you didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but you were on a rush to get to school that morning and had to run ahead and pass through that area. 

“if it’s about what some of those idiots said this morning, just... know that i think, for the record, that your quirk is so cool.”

shinsou’s eyes furrowed in confusion. you? you thought his quirk was cool?

“i’m not lying,” you said, as if reading through his thoughts. “i really think its amazing. you can help so many people with it, you can change the entire world with a quirk as special as that, so act like it! because it’s true, your quirk is really amazing, and i’m pretty sure you’re the only one who doesn’t see it, you knucklehead.”

he doesn’t tell you this, but-

ever since that day, he’s never stopped thinking about it. 

🕭 reblog | comment | follow 🕭

hey bbys! reminder to go drink water if you’re reading this! water nourshies your sexc body and can make you feel a heck ton better ‘bout yourself-- and remember, whatever you did today was more than enough. ily very much, but if it’s past your bedtime, GO TO SLEEP KIDDO, ily!

qotd, what’s your favorite drink 👀

join my family! 

list of family members: @kirishimuhhhhh​​, @xuxisushi-1​​, @kirishima-my-beloved​, @msminsuga​, @farfetchedparanoia​, @satis-mangata​, @moonhere​​, @renegadedeca​​, @viridevi​​ <3

☂ requests are open for mha + hq!! ☂

[ohmykazuha]

you deserve me

order: SENCHA (煎茶)

from the customer: xiao + ANGST + scars

warnings: angst, scars, self doubt

a/n: sarah and i are doing a writing style swap ;) you'll see another one next time <3 this isn't the actual one cos i screwed it up LOL

The raw, jagged, vomit-inducing gash sent the coldest shivers down your spine. You could feel his heart beating, chest rising and falling with each breath he took. He looked... broken. Hurt. Like a hastily strung-together puppet. Sighing gently at him, you took gauze into your hands and started to clean the area.

"Xiao..." You mumbled softly, touching the area around his wound — making him wince. You withdrew your hand sharply.

"It's alright, I'm alright. It's okay." He reached up to touch your cheek. A fleeting moment of desire to hold you closer, blocked by his tough facade. He wanted nothing but to be held in your arms. To be able to fall asleep, hands intertwined with you. You were his rock, his shelter. He wanted nothing more than to be with you. He wanted you. He wanted you to be his.

But alas, Xiao was conflicted. He hated his dilemma, his calloused hands each telling him a lie about the other, to love and care but to be wary of your love. However, longings take root in the watchtower of fears, and doubt can be unkind as it sows seeds in each person. He wanted you to be only his.

I don't deserve this, he thought. He didn't deserve any part of you. The love, the trust, the kindness, the care; all of it. Everything was surely meant for someone else. For everyone else, but him.

"No, it's not okay. There's something else troubling you." You stared at him, studying his face for the slightest nuances that would give away any hint or abnormality. Xiao leaned softly into your embrace — your arms unfamiliar with his uncharacteristic reaction, but moving to support him nonetheless.

"I can't, (Y/N). I can't accept your kindness. My karmic debt... it has done too much to me. You should leave... while you still can. Fate will be kind. My burden has nothing to do with you." Xiao replied. The air of the room turned dark and cold, sombre with sadness. Oh, Xiao... your heart hurt.

"No, no, no, Xiao. You do deserve it. I stick around because I want to do so. Please.. please don't think of me so lowly like that. We go through this together, alright? I'm not leaving because of your past mistakes." You replied firmly. You took his heavy hand in yours, Xiao's head lying on your shoulder. Although he was slouched, you noticed the shift of weight in his shoulders — almost as if it was as if a burden that weighed him down had been lifted.

He was relieved. It felt as if a huge load had been lifted off. He knew you loved him now, and his heart leapt with the adrenaline of relief and bursting joy. Xiao hid his reddening cheeks, softly sighing.

"I love you, (Y/N). You mean so much more to me than you actually know." Xiao whispered, hiding his face in your shoulder.

"It'll be okay, Xiao. It'll be okay."

haha payne || like/rb if you liked it!!!

taglist: @bookuya, @mikachuchu, @dilucbar, @starglitterz, @cherubbic, @noirkkat, @the-gayest-sky-kid, @ajaxeology @eternism, @icecappa, @almondto-fu, @gnyuvile, @yeetmeoffjueyunkarst

[cinnamonest]

Since people actually liked it here's the continuation of the modern Xiao camgirl!darling post I cut from the original, as promised, most if it's under a cut. Here’s the original post. I didn’t think people would actually like the camgirl concept so I thought I was rambling too much and cut this part out lol but here it is now!

Tws: derogatory language/female slurs, mentions of reader being a cheater, reader is promiscuous, murder, incel-y mentality (our modern boy would be a 4chan user, look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong) and mentions of upsetting realistic things, this one's darker than the first part. If you're bothered by other modern stuff for being too realistic best avoid this too probably, involuntary pornography ---------- Coming up on one year since you gained your most loyal subscriber, you get a rather... Unsettling request. He has something he would like this month, in fact, he adds a few hundred to the regular amount (he's been saving up just for this) and asks for just the answer to one simple question. What's your name?

Your real name, he clarifies. He doesn't need a last name, nothing like that. It would just... Make him feel closer to you. He avoids using the term "anniversary," even though that's what comes to mind. He also doesn't tell you that he already knows, that this is just a test of your honesty. For someone who's so cautious, you would think you would think to give a fake name whenever you go to coffee shops for them to yell out, or change it on the packages you get. You hesitate. And it would be easy to give him a fake one, yet, you don't really think about it too much, you kinda think about that as an afterthought, what you should have done, but your very real name is typed out and sent before you really process it, and you feel a sort of unease, but it's already sent. No big deal. He can't do much with just your first name, right? If your name is common, you feel pretty safe, but even if it's a rarer one, surely there are other people with it, right? He's happy though. Kinda surprised, really, that you didn't lie to him. Maybe you trust him?

You're not stupid, you know something is wrong, you're becoming paranoid. And you connect the weird feeling to him, bc he goes radio silence for several days leading up to finally taking you. This dude who used to respond to any messages you sent within 10 seconds suddenly... It's like he disappeared? He hasn't responded to anything you send him ever since you said your name. You send him messages saying you haven't heard from him in a while and you're worried... The way you word it makes it sound like you're worried about him, but you both know that's not what you really mean. You're hesitant and suspicious of every guy you meet. You buy pepper spray and start carrying some around, you nearly spray a poor guy who you thought was trailing you, turns out he just lives in your building. He makes note of it. He watched you buy it, and is quick to realize you always hold it in the same hand. That must be your dominant hand, that's an important mental note for the future, since you're more likely to try to attack him with that hand. He'll remember. He has a note in his phone with information like that. Height, weight, birthday, social security number, parents' names, school she graduated from. All in little bullet points. He adds dominant hand to the list. He's not worried at all really. Already watched you struggle to carry packages he could lift with one hand, your strength doesn't cross his mind as a threat. At first he just doesn't know what to say, and that's why he stops responding, he feels too awkward but... He starts to enjoy the weird feeling of power the whole situation is giving him. You're worried, you're constantly paranoid, and it's because of him. Now you finally understand the same feeling you inflict on him, how you consume his thoughts every waking moment of every day. It used to irritate him that you held so much power over him, while he meant nothing to you. Now, the tables have turned. You're forced to have him constantly in your mind, whether you like it or not, just like you are in his. It's giving you what you deserve. It gives him a feeling of significance. He matters, even if it's not in a good way. And he keeps telling himself that once he's all you have, he'll matter even more. He's smart enough to realize that if you're paranoid, you might have mentioned him by username to someone else, so to ensure he knows what to do from this point, he has to sneak into your apartment at night as you sleep. It's so unbearably tempting, you have no idea -- you're right there and so vulnerable. He has to hold himself back because he knows that if he so much as touched you, he couldn't hold back. But it's torture, standing there so close, watching your chest rise and fall as he fiddles with the phone. Even when he unlocks it with your thumb, he tries to hold the phone from an angle to do so, even if the skin of his hand grazes yours, it would be too much. You have a lot of contacts across your messages and a bunch of different apps. You have one guy in your online chat you've exchanged far more messages with than anyone else! Hundreds upon hundreds of messages, and huge paypal cash drops, who the hell is -- oh, wait, that's him. Nevermind. But, to his pleasant surprise, he's the only one of your... customers that you regularly talk to, the rest just have a few paypal notifications or clarifications on your policies, but no actual conversations like you have with him. Of course, that's literally part of your deal, he's literally paying for it, but it makes him happy nonetheless. But as he goes through your personal messages, he finds that you are... in no shortage of options. Like, holy shit. It was kind of expected. You *are* really pretty, that's how you have so many followers after all, but this is a lot. So many contacts named some variation of "DO NOT ANSWER!!!" or "creepy guy that forced me to give him my number at the club", etc etc. Plenty of unsaved numbers texting you to never get a response. You've ghosted enough dudes to make your place haunted. It's... kinda awful, really. It also kinda hurts his heart a bit more than he expected. You have so, so, so many options, even without the cam thing, he's more insignificant than he even realized. ...Well, for now, at least. He'll be significant to you soon enough. And then you seem to have a sort of "boyfriend of the month" deal going on, aside from that. Plenty of male-name contacts whose last exchange is a "don't talk to me again!" message from you, plenty of messages corresponding to the same time as those to your girl friends about how you can't find a good guy and every relationship ends badly. How unfortunate. See, it's because you choose bad guys. You probably go for dicks and not.... well, he can't exactly pull the "nice guys like me" mentality, he doesn't delude himself into thinking he is one. He's lucid enough to realize that most nice guys would not be sneaking into your house and standing over your sleeping body to stalk your phone as they make plans to kidnap you. He knows he would probably fall under the classification of a creepy guy. He's just too far gone to care. Still, he would be so much better to you, he tells himself, not a cheater or a player like you complain about. To say he resents those kinds of guys -- ones that can do the unthinkable and actually talk to girls, let alone successfully, only to be assholes, and yet girls like you still go for them -- is an understatement. You're basically just a slut, you probably ignore all the guys that would be nice to you, just like all those internet forums he reads talk about. Typical.

Well, those forums also make fun of guys like him who pay for girls like you, but he can't blame them. It *is* kinda pathetic. There is one dude you talk to, though, now. Current boyfriend of the month, from the looks of it. You have a little heart emoji next to the name. He knows it's kinda pathetic that something so simple and insignificant sets him off, but it does, makes him pout and grind his teeth and curl his other hand into a fist. It's so unfair. Some dude you barely know gets to fuck you, and you haven't even known him nearly as long as you've known him! He doubts this dude -- hell, any of your boyfriends -- has put in the same amount of money that he has into you. They fuck you practically for free. And that, unfortunately for you, only solidifies his decision. If you're fucking some dude for a month because they buy you dinner every now and then, if we're going by that scale, then you owe him quite a good deal of pussy. Any hesitancy or guilt he had about the whole thing is gone. And he's a little mad. Keeps grumbling to himself that you're just a loose whore, fucking so many people and putting yourself out there on the internet. He wonders if they even know about what you do. Probably not, you probably don't tell them. Yeah, that sounds like what you'd do. Really, you're kinda lucky that someone like him is so willing to commit to you, since you are a slut. You don't deserve it, but he loves you anyway. And you'll probably have the nerve to be ungrateful for it too. Sigh. On the bright side, by some miracle, it would appear that you have not told any real-life people about him, you haven't sent out any hey if I disappear you should probably look into this creep type of messages. But he can't afford to have you doing so in between now and when you move in with him, so, he decides he has to act within the next 24 hours. While he's here, though, he decides to do a quick sweep of your place. Makes note of what snacks and drinks you like, what brand of toothpaste and shampoo and the like you use, so he can buy some for you. Maybe you'll adjust better if you have some of your favorite things. And then, after days of silence, he sends you a message, says it's fine, his internet went out for a few days. He means it to reassure you, but somehow it makes you feel more uneasy. He has everything planned out, or so he thinks. But you deviate from your usual schedule. When you leave work or class, you don't go home, you go somewhere else, first. How strange. Maybe picking up groceries? He follows from a distance. No, looks like you're going out to eat...? Maybe you're meeting friends or family or -- no that's a guy. Fuck. You must have planned this just earlier today, since there were no messages on your phone. It makes a bitter feeling rise in his gut. He hates that he can't get close enough to listen to your conversation. Well, he hates the whole thing, sits there and seethes the whole time. Watches you through the windows in the parking lot, thankfully you chose to sit outside. Feels his eye twitch and his hand clench every time you smile and laugh. It takes way too long. The fact that you split the bill feels like a punch to the stomach too. Shouldn't you be used to taking guys' money? Oh, and what's this...? This guy isn't the picture on boyfriend-of-the-month's contact. Well, well, well. You really are a whore. See, it's a very good thing he's taking you off the market. You're probably a reckless heartbreaker too. He's doing all the other men of the world a favor by taking on such a burden as you. And it makes him feel far more justified in keeping you locked away, since he has every reason to believe, now, that you'd run off and fuck someone else if given the chance. Halfway through, the guy briefly gets up and runs to the bathroom or something. While he's gone, he sees your face fall a bit. And then he sees you look around. You turn your head from one side to the other. Your eyes scan the area. You shuffle uncomfortably and you bite your lip and your eyebrows furrow. You're scared. You feel like -- no, you know you're being watched and it scares you. That makes him a little happy, for some reason. He wouldn't be sure what to do if you went home with the guy, but thankfully you don't. No big deal, this was just a bump in the road, he still beats you back to your building and he still goes through with the original plan. Even better, now that it's even darker outside. If anything, now he's got extra aggression and testosterone in his blood, running over the events in his head and going through some... very forceful and violent fantasies. The message he sent had you uneasy, and it's also how you immediately know what's going on when it does finally happen. You keep telling yourself you're being unnecessarily paranoid, that it's nothing, maybe that guy actually got his life together or got a girlfriend or something. Things like... What you fear, don't happen in real life, that's stuff that only happens in movies and stuff. You keep calling it that or it in your head. That won't happen to you. It's not going to happen. The series of events that play out in your head, scenarios you try to push out of your mind. Sure, in the movies it always takes place in the stairwell, but that's fiction, so you go up the apartment stairwell as always. You're not gonna let a bunch of B-grade old films scare you. And it's always some dude standing and waiting, but that nice young boy that you've never seen before is just leaning against the wall, scrolling on his phone, he only glances up for a second as you pass by, he's not a threat, you're being paranoid. You flash a smile and a little wave as you walk by, he doesn't return either, just looks back down at his phone. See? This guy doesn't even care, you're being paranoid for nothing, you tell yourself. But as you make the turn to go up the next set of stairs you hear the click of a phone being put on the lockscreen, a few metallic footsteps ringing out in the open hall and echoing, coming up right behind you, but for that split second you expect a tap on the shoulder, maybe he has a question, it's not like movies, it's not like movies, you're not gonna get a cloth shoved over your face and--- Well, it's not exactly like the movies. You were prepared, but it all happens in one motion - one hand grabs the hand with the spray and twists it, making you drop it, the other wraps some material over your mouth. You were prepared enough that you don't gasp in surprise, you hold your breath and thrash, but it doesn't make any difference, you wiggle and writhe for a few moments but can't even begin to break free, eventually succumb to the lack of oxygen and take a deep breath. It takes a few seconds to settle in, it's not so immediate. You instinctively panic and thrash again, but he has a complete iron grip. The dizziness takes a second to set in. He huffs a bit in frustration and says stop moving, it's fine. It's definitely not, but it occurs to you that that's not something a kidnapper looking for any potential vulnerable girl says. It's a poor attempt at comfort. It's someone specifically looking for you. And if that wasn't enough, he says your name. Your very real name. Maybe it was a mistake to tell him after all. But the worst part of it all is that there's not a single doubt in your mind, even in your panic you have the realization, it's definitely him and this is literally exactly what you were afraid of. And it's the last thing that goes through your head. And once he's got you out cold he just takes a sigh of relief. He may have been very neutral faced to you, but in reality he was incredibly nervous. He hasn't exactly made or used chloroform before, our boy is operating on YouTube tutorials here. He's got adrenaline pumping through his veins and carries you with his arms trembling. He's on autopilot carrying you out, but his mind is also consumed by holy fuck I'm touching her she smells so nice she's so warm her face is so close I'm actually touching her-- you get the idea. He feels bad about taping your hands and feet together and putting you in the trunk of his car, kinda. It feels too much like what a really bad person would do to a girl they didn't care about, like he's a trafficker or a murderer or a criminal or something, but that's not true at all. Sure, he's still mad at you for being a whore and all that, but it feels improper, he just has no choice. It's late at night, but he can't risk getting pulled or being at a stoplight and someone seeing an unconscious girl in his backseat, so, trunk it is. But once he's home, to his tiny little downtown apartment (he'll probably be able to move into a better place soon, since he's not paying you tons of money anymore), he takes a quick check to make sure the coast is clear, and drags you out, up the stairs, all the way into his apartment, sets you down on the bed, where you'll be staying. He even washed the sheets and cleaned the place up a bit for your arrival. You probably would not like to see what this place looked like before the five trash bags worth of cleaning was done. He'll probably be more motivated in the future, though, since now he won't be so depressed all the time. And then the adrenaline of the fear of being seen is over, and that's when it sets in that this is real. It's very, very hard to hold back. You're real, in the flesh, he can reach out and touch you with his hands! It feels like a dream. And he realizes he can take this opportunity to do things he would be far, far too embarrassed to do when you're awake. He takes a few minutes to do just that, cautiously reaches out to poke your face, and then run a hand down your neck, your skin is so soft! Your hair smells so nice, he lays down beside you and runs his fingers over it. Puts hands on your body and just lays there in awe of the fact that you're real. He's pretty certain he's never actually touched a human female before now. Everything about you feels soft. Weirdly feminine, which is something very foreign and confusing to him. And he kinda uh... Loses it. Goes buckwild with just taking in every aspect of you. Again, since you're unconscious he can be gross and entirely shameless about it. Peels your clothes off and runs his hands and mouth over every inch of flesh, takes the tape off your lips and presses his tongue into your limp mouth until he's forced to let go to breathe, fingers you and tonguefucks you and sucks on your nipples and your neck. Lays pressed against you and just breathes in your scent. It takes every ounce of self control he has not to fuck you already. But he does jerk off a few times. That way he'll last longer, so it's a win-win. And then... you twitch. Tape goes back over your mouth. And then, you twitch again. And this time, you make a little "mm!" under the tape, you start trembling and he sees you try to pull your hands apart. You whimper. It sounds scared and distressed. He feels kinda bad, but it also makes him hard, and that outweighs any guilt by far. Besides, it's what you deserve after what you did earlier. You tortured him mentally, it's only fair. On the good side of things, you suppose, you don't have to worry about the usual fears one would have over such a situation - you're fairly certain he's not going to kill you, nor sell you. In fact, the bed you wake up on is pretty soft. You're naked and the tape is uncomfortable, but... At least he was considerate enough to give you a blanket. He does care about you, after all. First thing he says is asking if you're awake. Can you hear me? You hesitate a moment, and then you nod. He's a bit new to this whole abduction thing. He wants to make sure he didn't pull a muscle or something with the tape. So... Do you hurt anywhere? Does your head hurt? Oh, right, the tape. He's not stupid either. You have to promise you're not going to scream. In fact, he's angry enough about earlier that he gets a bit meaner than he originally told himself he'd be. If you scream, I'll make you regret it. Understand? You nod, so he takes it off, holding it close in preparation in case you were lying, but you don't actually answer him, you're silent again for a minute, then just ask a question of your own. You're that guy, right? He's silent for a few seconds, there's no need for any clarification. Finally just says yeah. You just breathe again. Silently. Finally you summon the courage to ask him what he wants with you. And why are you doing this to me? And his answer is fairly simple. What do you think? You don't say anything for a minute, and neither does he. He's not good with words, and you don't really have ones for this situation. It occurs to you that offering to pay him to let you go is probably not the solution. After all, this is the guy that's dumped unimaginable amounts of money onto you, you couldn't even come close to paying him back. You figure maybe, after he gets what he wants... well, you get the courage to ask.  Is there anything... that I can do o-or... anything that will make you... are you gonna let me go, after you....? And the answer is, again, simple, but the one you did not want to hear. No. He's a blunt boy, so he doesn't beat around the bush, but he doesn't torment you by keeping anything from you. In fact, he's already rehearsed this speech a few hundred times in his head. He just wanted to make sure he's very clear so there's no misunderstanding, and while he likes some discomfort in a vengeful sort of way, he doesn't want you to be too freaked out to where you have a panic attack. He says he's just going to... keep you here. He has the things you'll need. He got your purse with your keys, so he'll even run to your apartment after this to go get some of your stuff. You don't need to tell him which number, he adds, he already knows which apartment you're in. He needs you here, he says. And he makes sure to add that it's your fault. If you were never out there selling yourself in the first place, this never would have happened. If you're good, he can make things a bit better for you. But you need to go ahead and accept that you're going to be staying and that no amount of begging or offers is going to convince him to let you go. He can be nice to you, he promises. A better boyfriend than the others. You just have to be a good girlfriend -- you know, obedient and sweet and do what he says. Just like you always were when you talked to him. Just keep being sweet like that and doing the things he tells you to do. You would argue that the terms boyfriend and girlfriend are not appropriate descriptors of the sort of relationship he's creating, but you keep that thought to yourself. Instead, you ask, How long are you going to keep me here? Which is a dumb question, since he's pretty sure he already made that clear. Forever. -----

There's a double homicide in the area. Takes place on the same night, and the same diameter of knife is used, so police believe maybe the two incidents are connected. Especially because they do have something in common, one girl. She was romantically involved with both of them. The girl in question's apartment has been vacated, very suddenly, and the girl has disappeared without a trace, taking things with her from the looks of it, so police believe she may be responsible, but other than that, they have no leads. A few weeks later, a video circulates all over the internet. Some famous camgirl finally started making porn, apparently. Just one video, but the description (which was totally written by her, it has to be since it's written in first person right?) says something about how she decided to quit camming, so this video marks the end of her career. She got into a relationship, so she says in the description, so she has to quit. It's roleplay porn, apparently, she's doing a good job at the acting. All tied up and gagged and getting fucked by some big-dicked guy holding the camera. He's silent, but she's making a ton of noise, cums several times. Really good acting, the fear and desperation in her eyes looks so real. Talk about going out with a bang. It gets a lot of likes. Tons of comments about how sad people are she's quitting. And of course, a lot of comments say, what a lucky guy.

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

dire ii, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: The only way that this can be summarized is: "Does your horniness outweigh common sense once again?" And, well, when the female Dire Wolf does that weird pheromone thing, Jeon Jungkook just can’t say no. 

warnings: rated M (18+) for language, world building, eating raw meat; mentions of (species) discrimination and prejudice; violence; smut (fem reader, still too much m-masturbation, thigh fucking, unprotected sex (ty biology), creampie, cockwarming, biting/marking, cowgirl, saliva everywhere lol); non-idol!AU - werewolfAU / soulmates?; werewolf!reader x blond, human!Jungkook; switches between Jungkook’s POV and your POV; is JK a furry? you decide

this is long because smut lmao (but also fluff) yes, I break the fourth wall, it just fit haha inspired by YOASOBI - 怪物 (Kaibutsu)

–

part i

-

"Stop jacking off!"

He heard the vicious snarl the second the window opened but he didn't stop. 

"Hasn't your dick fallen off yet, you animal–"

"It's been a whole fucking month," Jungkook gritted out, throwing his head back into his pillows as he continued stroking himself. "The fuck is wrong with you?"

"With me?" came the disbelieving huff at the foot of his bed. "I'm a busy woman. I'm not like you, masturbating every five seconds," she barked. 

He brought his head back and glared down on her. Completely froze. Even his hand on his cock slowed. 

She was frowning at him at the base of his bed, wearing a torn up black hoodie. It had huge slashes in it across the chest and shoulders, barely holding on. He could see white scars crisscrossed on her skin underneath, a tight black sports bra on her upper torso. She wasn't wearing her usual black face mask. High waisted black pants, with straps on the sides that cinched them in.

"What happened?" He shot up out of the bed, covers a mess, surrounded by too many wadded up tissues.

"Nothing happened," she scowled, looking around him with exasperation. 

"But your clothes–"

"I changed form to get here faster," she said dismissively, grabbing the bottom of the hoodie and yanking it up and over her head. 

"Why is it only your hood–"

"Because I was holding my other clothes but I can’t be fully naked out in public, obviously," she cut him off as if it was the most logical thing in the world. 

"Wait, so you're naked in wolf form?"

"Why the fuck would I be wearing clothes?"

She was crawling on the bed and Jungkook's brain was barely functioning, body jumping involuntarily as she neared. She batted away the dirty tissues, gold-streaked eyes narrowed, a large heavy pendant hanging off her neck – was that diamond? with a platinum plum flower pressed in the center?? how the fuck??? – on a thick silver chain. The chain not only held the pendant, but also her rings. The wolf with the opal eyes. The simple silver band. The skull with the snake. The FEED ring. The large opal gem inlaid in stars. The black stone with a bone pressed into it. And now two more – a twisted silver band and a snake head with black gems for eyes.

"You have more rings," he breathed.

"Yes," she growled. "I said it's been a busy month."

Her fluffy silvery ears stuck straight up, bushy tail swaying. She had a lean, fit body, somehow pure power despite being smaller in physique. She came right up to him, nose to nose, breathing heavily into his face. 

"Look here, Jungkook," she growled. "I understand you're a very horny human, but I have things to do, and you distracting me with your three in the morning jack off sessions is not helping nor is it the way you attract a mate, do you understand?”

He didn’t try to be innocent about it.

"Yeah, but did you think about me though?" Jungkook breathed, letting it mix with hers. 

The gold in her eyes seemed to intensify. 

"Of course, I did," she whispered hotly. "All the fucking time, but I have shit to do, like explain to my father that you're not just a piece of side ass."

"You never gave me the chance to be a piece of side ass." Ugh, she was so close. Fuck, she smelled so good. He couldn't even describe it. "I might have liked it."

She huffed. "You would have. You would have loved it, you horny human, but I don't take sex slaves like the other Dire."

"So, it does exist?" he blurted, eyes widening. 

"It does." She clicked her tongue. "I don't like it though. Those Dires use it as an excuse to mistreat gullible humans."

Silence. 

Just her heavy breathing and staring into each other's eyes. 

"Uh... so what now?" he asked softly. 

"I don't know." She grimaced. "I only came to yell at you."

"Not ask me to be a piece of side ass?"

She let out a hefty puff of air and backed up, but he grabbed her arm, stopping her. 

"Can I be the main piece of ass?"

She raised an eyebrow. "You're weird."

"We've established that," he muttered impatiently. "Come on. Just tell me yes or no. Don't leave me like this."

Her eyes darted around them. "Surrounded by cum-filled tissues?"

His ears burned. "Please."

She paused. Then she let out a resigned sigh, removing her arm from his grip. 

"Jungkook," she said, suddenly serious, rasp with a sharp edge. "I'm the Dire Alpha's child."

Hah?

"What?"

She rolled her eyes. "You know. The big angry black wolf with silver streaks that stalks around in a suit when he appears on television with the President?"

HAH?

"WHAT?" he shouted at the top of his lungs. 

She nodded. "Yes. That's my father."

"You... what?" Jungkook gasped, abruptly grabbing his covers and planting them over his crotch. "Your father?"

"That is, indeed, as some people would say, Daddy."

Jungkook's eyes were swirls. "H-how... what? But you're... you're..."

"Not in wolf form all the time, scaring the shit out of people? No. I'm not. But I could do that, because he's my father and we have similar abilities." 

"I was going to say, hot."

She shrugged. "I hear my father has an online fanclub called 'Bitches for WolfDaddy'."

"... Please don't ever say that again."

She visibly cringed. "Anyway, yes, he is my father. I was hoping you'd get bored of fantasizing about me, but I’ve stayed away from you for whole month and you are still going strong," she said, shaking her head. She sighed again, clicking her tongue. "So, I don't know, maybe reevaluate if you want to bang me now that you know."

He didn’t even hesitate.

"I still want to bang."

She flicked his forehead and Jungkook winced, slapping her hand. 

"That hurts!"

"I told you to think," she hissed. "I'm not just any Dire. I'm going to be the Dire Alpha someday. Not only do you have to deal with prejudice from your own people, but also mine and possibly have to watch your back for the rest of your life, because even if my father respects my choices, he's still going to want to eat you."

He rubbed his forehead. "We can't... casually date?"

"I just told you the stipulations of 'casual' dating. If you want to marry me, then we'll have to figure that out later, with the ritual and stuff."

"You're gonna fight me?"

"Like I said," she remarked, waving a hand. "We have to figure that out later, if you're still interested."

"... Can I just be your piece of side ass?"

"No."

She startled him by growling. 

"No, you cannot. I like you too much for that."

Jungkook's brain stopped functioning. "What?"

She leaned forward, brows ticked cockily, wolf ears at attention. 

"I like you. You smell good and you're weird and your actions are funny and I like your blond hair," she listed, reaching up to pet it. "The color is fake but I still like it."

"H-hey!" But he liked the feeling of her hand patting his head, so he didn't move away. She lowered her hand and grinned toothily, revealing the sharp canines. 

"I like coming here and seeing your face, Jeon Jungkook."

He was having heart palpitations.

"Although I've been seeing a lot of your dick recently and that's nice too."

She barked in laughter at her own joke and he pouted, shoving her and having no effect, because she was immobile despite her smaller frame. He puffed his cheeks until she stopped. She winked at him. 

"What do you think? Does your horniness outweigh common sense once again?"

-

Which do you think Jungkook picked?

Yeah.

Not common sense.

-

“Lick me, please.”

“Where is your patience?” you mumbled against his lips, pressing him into his bed with your weight.

“Gone, because you’re driving me insane,” Jungkook growled, firmly gripping your hips and trying remove your pants, but your body wasn’t lifting. “Let me take your clothes off.”

Your hand came up and pressed his head back, kissing down his neck, ignoring his request. Small nips against his throat, making him moan, eyelids fluttering.

“I could kill you any second,” you muttered, still hesitant to go through with it.

“At least let me cum before you off me,” he gasped.

You laughed hotly into his neck. “You’re a crazy human.”

“And I’m horny as fuck, please, I need you.”

You had asked Jungkook if he wanted to wait, if he wanted to take it slow, because it was a lot to take in, all that information of you being the next-in-line Dire Alpha and the fact that you liked him in a more than platonic way, so perhaps, you know, after confessing to each other and agreeing to give this a try, a simple kiss would be enough?

Jungkook was violently humping the front of your pants.

He had replied with, “Can we please fuck? Please?”

Well, you weren’t opposed to it, but maybe some foreplay? A cuddle or some shit?

Nope.

“Stop it,” you chided, but Jungkook wasn’t listening. “Calm down, I’m not going to disappear.”

You lifted your hips and Jungkook immediately slid down, fumbling with the button and the zipper, trying to yank your pants and underwear down roughly.

You yelped, pressing down on his shoulder. “The tail. Watch the fucking tail.”

“What?”

He blinked, letting go as you grunted, sitting up and turning a little so he could see that your large fluffy tail stuck out of a slit in your pants. You pushed your pants down, moving your tail yourself. Your panties were black, but had a snap in the back that you undid first before you could push them down too.

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you growled. “Your excitement is getting the best of you.”

Jungkook bit his lip, the mole under his lower lip quivering. “Sorry.” You shifted your tail so it covered you as you removed your panties. He frowned, reaching over. “Hey…” he protested, pausing as his fingertips brushed against the fur. You were about to remove your bra, but stopped.

“Are you petting me?”

He withdrew his hand sharply. “Sorry! Sorry… er… is that rude?” He fiddled with his fingers, obviously itching to touch it again.

You thought about it and shrugged, pulling your sports bra up and over your head. Jungkook’s head immediately jerked upwards to watch your tits bounce out. You shook your ears out as you tossed your bra aside.

“Wow.”

You looked down at him, raising an eyebrow. “What?”

He was looking up at you with awe.

“You’re hot.”

You looked down at his disheveled blond hair, bright chocolatey eyes, tan skin, lean muscle, ink-black tattoos. Innocent, but not. Hesitant, but comfortable in his position under you. There was just something about him. Ah, dating a human was going to be a pain in the ass. You grinned at him and he grinned back, bunny teeth flashing.

Seemed worth it though.

“So are you,” you replied.

He didn’t miss a beat with his cheeky responses.

“You gonna suck my dick or what?”

Your brows raised higher, letting out an amused chuckle. “With these teeth? You sure about that?”

“What are you going to do, bite my dick off? After all your hard work of seducing me?”

You huffed. “That wasn’t hard. All I had to do was lick your face.”

“Speaking of which, please do that again.”

You ticked your head, clicking your tongue. “Damn. Walked into that one.”

Jungkook smirked, placing his hands on your thighs and slowly sliding them up. “Come on…” He pressed his fingers into your skin. “It just makes everything feel so good.” You watched his breathing shallow as he recalled the feeling. “So intense. I don’t know how you do it…” His eyes locked with yours. “I’m pretty sure it’s only you who can do that to me. I want it. Please.”

He wasn’t wrong. It probably was only you.

You leaned down, placing your hands on the sides of his head. Your tail brushed against his nether regions and he gasped, lashes lowering. Oh, how interesting. You swished your tail around, feathering over his hardness. His scent intensified, pre-cum clinging to your silvery fur.

“Mmm, that feels good too…”

You had sex when you were younger, a foolish teenager discovering their sexuality recklessly, but you never had a human partner before. As you grew older, you became weighed down by other responsibilities, too many thoughts to even think about sex. At one point, you wondered if it just wasn’t something that important to you. You didn’t really have initial physical attraction to anyone, so maybe sex was simply lower priority for you than everyone else.

But as Jungkook was under you, as you breathed in his scent and kissed him, long, deep, sensual, you realized perhaps you simply hadn’t found the connection you needed. It wasn’t something you could explain, but there was something. Despite his recklessness and the obvious difference in libido, you wanted to give in to him, on the sole basis that it was Jeon Jungkook and no one else.

You didn’t really understand why, but you weren’t going to question it too much.

Mostly because, at this rate, he was going to cum on your tail.

Your tongue was in his mouth, and he was sucking on it, moaning, small slips of your taste dripping onto his tongue, his hands gripping your ass, rubbing his cock against your fur. You shifted your tail, brushing it up and down his length, and he gasped, breaking the kiss.

“Claim me,” Jungkook breathed. “Please.”

“Technically I have,” you murmured teasingly.

“More,” he whimpered. “Want more. All over me.”

You coated your tongue with your scent, opening your lips a crack to let out a stream of hot breath, wafting over his mouth and nose.

“Mmm, yes, fuck, yeeeeeees…”

“You’re so desperate for it,” your mumbled, barely moving your lips.

“Mhm, it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever felt…” he panted, half-lidded eyes shrouded with lust. “Give it to me, you big tease.”

You chuckled, rumbling your chest. Then you tilted your head, placing your lips on his. It dripped down, straight into his mouth; the saliva saturated with your pheromones.

The reaction was immediate, Jungkook moaning hotly into your mouth, eyes rolling back into his head, gripping your hips tightly as he rammed his hard cock right between your thighs, whole body shaking as it invaded him, taking over his senses. You had intense reactions to your scent before, but never like this, never like it consumed the other and drove them as crazy as it seemed to drive Jungkook. Was it supposed to be like this?

Jungkook’s hips were moving of their own accord, fucking the space in between your thighs. You closed them together and he groaned, dropping from your kiss and arching his back, thrusting fast and hard. You watched with fascination, at his closed eyes and straining neck, open mouth emitting his cries of pleasure as he stroked himself with your legs, pre-cum soaking your skin and adding lubrication.

You dipped your head and licked his neck, coating it with you.

He gripped your hips tighter, a tense gasp of your name plucked from his throat.

“M-More, fuck, I’m so close…”

You licked again, dripping more and more saliva onto his shuddering Adam’s apple and he whimpered, face scrunching up as he clenched his jaw, chasing his climax. You hovered your mouth over him, breathing heavily on his skin.

“Cum for me, Jungkook,” you panted, teeth grazing his skin. “Paint me with your scent.”

He whined sharply and shoved your thighs together around the throbbing head of his cock, shuddering as he shot his orgasm into your skin, the hot, thick liquid squirting out between your thighs and dripping down the back and in between. He moaned, thrusting a few more times, smearing his length with his own cum, adding to the pleasure of the sensitive head being squeezed by your thighs.

“Fuck, that’s so good,” he gasped out, falling back onto his bed, but dragging your lower body with him, cock still pulsating and sandwiched by your legs.

“You’ve made a mess,” you observed.

He cracked one eye open. “You make me messy.”

You raised your eyebrows. “It wasn’t my idea.”

Jungkook grinned. “You encouraged.”

You lifted yourself off him and he instantly complained, but you shut him up by sliding down, running your tongue down the length of his chest. Your legs were a sticky mess, but so was Jungkook’s bed covered in cum-filled tissues, and it was only going to get worse because your saliva was all over his pecs and abs, and Jungkook was spreading it everywhere like a madman, shuddering and gasping. His cock was already hard, smacking you in the tits as you lowered yourself to it.

“Is that what you wanted?” you chuckled.

“Y-Yeah… ah, it just makes me feel so fucking good, I don’t understand why…”

You placed your tongue on his twitching cock and licked it up, sighing in satisfaction as his cum coated your tongue.

“Mm, no, fuck, you’re gonna make me cum…” Jungkook whined, but you held his hips, lapping up his taste.

“I’m only cleaning you off, calm down,” you murmured around his cock. You were sure now, by the second taste, that there must be something special about Jeon Jungkook. His cum was addictive. It gave you a euphoric rush, an insatiable hunger for more as you growled, wrapping your tongue around his length and licking up and down, igniting some carnal instinct inside you. You even swiped your tongue over his balls, gathering everything you could, panting as you finished, getting onto your hands.

Breathing hard, lips peeled back, staring down at him like a goddamn meal.

Your drool plopped down onto his stomach.

Jungkook gasped, catching your expression and eyes widening.

“Er…”

You shook your head, puffing out air. “Sorry. Something came over me there.” What was that? Huh. You weren’t in heat. That only happened twice a year. Your next cycle didn’t start for a while. You pondered, furrowing your brow. Jungkook’s hesitant voice cut through your thoughts.

“Er, I have a question.”

You tilted your head, one of your ears flickering. “Hm?”

“Can you… get pregnant by me?” he asked, chewing his lip.

You blinked at him. “Of course. That’s why most Dire males get vasectomies when they have a bunch of… well, never mind.”

Jungkook blinked at you. “Oh. So, we would have half-wolf babies?”

You made a face. Weren’t you technically the half-wolf? Whatever, just explain the result. “No, our children would all be full Dire, because I am the mother. The species of the child is dependent on the biological mother.”

“Oh.” He rubbed his chin. “We have to use condoms then. Or are you on birth control?”

You gave him a confused look. “Why would I be on birth control? I only go into heat twice a year. Which means I only ovulate twice a year.”

Jungkook looked surprised. “Really? Then what does the full moon do?”

“It connects the Dire to our natural instincts as wolves, thus forcefully turning most Dire into their wolf forms. It awakens our primitive instincts of hunt, fight, mate. It heightens all our senses too. But, since we’re only in heat twice a year, our population numbers will always be lower than you humans, which is why we haven’t out-populated you all yet.” You frowned. “Don’t they teach you this shit in school? They teach us human biology at our schools.”

He shook his head. “No. I never learned about this stuff.”

You rolled your eyes. “Typical humans, only selfishly focusing on themselves.”

“Uh, I’m right here?” he huffed indignantly.

“Do you disagree, full-time masturbator?” you accused.

Jungkook’s ears turned red. “W-well, it was only because you weren’t visiting!”

How sweet, you thought wryly. “Anyway, why are you asking?”

Now his entire face was red.

“Er… wondering if I can go in raw… If you’re cool with it…” he mumbled.

A bird cawed outside, reminding you both the window was still open.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I mean if y-you’re not,” Jungkook sputtered. “I totally understand. I got tested yesterday and I’m clean, because I wanted you to not be worried about it and well, oh, maybe you didn’t want to hear that, er…”

You blinked slowly.

“I haven’t had penetrative sex in, I don’t know, three years?”

“Three years?” Jungkook choked. “What? How?”

“I got tested at my last checkup,” you mentioned absentmindedly.

“You go to the doctor?”

You gave him a puzzled look. “Yes? Don’t you?”

“W-well, yeah, but… don’t you heal kinda fast and stuff?”

You raised your hands, confusion deepening. “And so? Do you think I live in the medieval times or something, rubbing leaves on my ailments?”

Jungkook shrugged. “Maybe?”

You slapped your face, rubbing your forehead. “Humans…”

Then something occurred to you. You raised your head, narrowing your eyes.

“Why would you get tested yesterday?”

Now Jungkook was doing that thing were his eyes shifted everywhere. You were becoming well-acquainted with this habit. “Uh… well… you see…”

You looked around you, at the discarded clothes, the rumpled sheets, the tissues, and then snapped your head back to him.

“You planned this,” you barked roughly.

“I missed you!” Jungkook whined, tackling you and pushing you down onto the bed. “You have no idea what you do to me! It’s not fair!” He shoved his face into your hair and inhaled a large breath, shuddering. “You have some kind of weird spell over me and then you wouldn’t come visit and I just needed you so fucking bad…” He was panting against your temple, pressing his chest to yours, moaning as your skin touched his. Your necklace and rings slid down and hit your throat, descending as he rolled his body into yours.

“It’s not a spell,” you gasped, surprised to find yourself breathless as he ground his hips into you. “It’s pheromones, biology–”

“I really don’t care what it is, you make me a horny ass mess and I’m going crazy over here,” Jungkook panted, lifting his head, blond hair brushing your cheek as his blown-out pupils looked down at you. “We don’t have to full-on fuck right now, but you can’t blame me, I absolutely needed to at least see you.”

His hard dick sharply poked you in the thigh.

You raised your eyebrows.

He swallowed. “You’re doing that thing again.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Well, then you’re just straight up attractive, sue me.”

“You would lose because I can pay a better lawyer.”

He clenched his jaw. “Rich people.”

You shrugged. “We all know the justice system is flawed and driven by money like everything else, even though it shouldn’t be.”

“Stop making societal insights and address the fact you make me horny as fuck,” Jungkook grumbled.

You breathed in his face.

Not normal breath, but breath laced your scent. Jungkook shuddered and rammed his hips into your leg.

“Now you’re doing that thing,” he moaned, rubbing his chest against yours, pushing your nipples around with his pecs.

“It amazes me you’re so turned on by it,” you mused, enjoying the feeling of him pressed up against you.

“Fantastic,” he grunted, reaching up and tangling his fingers in your hair. “Write it in your scientific journal.”

You chuckled. “Are you irritated with me?”

“Little bit.”

His fingertips rubbed the fur on your ears, smoothing it. You hummed in approval. It felt nice, like a head scratch. The tip of your tail thumped against the bed. Jungkook murmured your name into your cheek, kissing it lightly.

“Mm, yes?”

“Am I crushing you?”

“No.”

Silence as Jungkook continued petting your ears.

“Can I put my dick in you?”

“Wow, I was enjoying this nice, lovely cuddle time–”

He quickly apologized. “S-sorry. Sorry, I’ll–”

You opened your legs under him and Jungkook’s lower body dropped onto the bed, his cock bumping against your wet heat. He gasped, yanking your ears forcefully and you growled in warning. He quickly let go, placing his hands on the bed, cheeks flushing.

“Sorry, you just…”

You extended your tongue, arching a brow.

He bit his lip, moaning deep in his throat as he pressed his length against your dripping core.

“S-stop… you’re d-doing it on purpose…”

You licked your lips, coating them with you. You watched him struggle to resist the scent, shoulders locking, head hanging, panting hard as his ash blond hair drifted down and grazed your cheeks. Eyes so dark they seemed black.

“I’m aware of the consequences,” you said huskily.

“Fuck,” Jungkook gritted out before he unlocked his shoulders and dove down, roughly pressing his lips into yours and rubbing his cock into your juices. He moaned, sliding his tongue into your mouth as you wrapped your scent all over it. You shifted your hips and the head pressed against your slick slit. You weren’t sure how he was going to handle this after being that turned on by your saliva, but, oh well, that was his problem now.

“Go ahead,” you drawled against his lips, your voice a low rasp.

Jungkook backed up, panting hard, furrowing his brow at you. “What?”

You smirked. “You’ll find out.”

You rubbed your opening against the tip and Jungkook gasped, eyelashes fluttering.

“Ho-o-oly shit.”

-

He was fucked.

Absolutely fucked.

The second even half a centimeter slid in, Jungkook lost it and shoved his cock all the way to the base, the feeling so intense and hot that he momentarily forgot what existence was, because, fuck, it was like the pleasure ate him up and all he could feel was the overwhelming heat and tightness of her pussy, every single ridge and squelch of wetness, throbbing and pulsating around him. It was only when she moaned softly under him that Jungkook remembered that he wasn’t on some existential plane of existence and in the real world.

“Gah… it’s so… intense…” he panted out, eyes rolling back into his head as her muscles clenched around him.

“I’m not sure how you’re going to survive if I’m actually in heat,” she mused. “You’ll probably nut within a second of being in me.”

“Wow… that’s awfully rude… of you to say…”

Jungkook wanted to be chill, but it was impossible, because his hips were already moving, sliding in and out, smacking their hips together, groaning at the sensation of being roughly massaged all over by wet heat, soaked with her scent, already pushed to his limit and he had to bite he inside of his cheek to hold back.

“I should have… used a condom…”

“Not sure that would be much help, you horndog,” she teased.

“Do you even feel anything?” he hissed, roughly smacking his hips into hers. “Or are you going to… spend the entire time… giving me snarky commentary?”

Their eyes locked and he noticed how gold her irises were now, almost flaring with light.

“Need it harder,” she breathed.

The overwhelming passion sank into him with every breath he felt against his skin.

“Harder, please, Jungkook…”

And his body responded, lifting one of her legs and smacking their hips together hard, moaning as he felt her thigh against his skin, the heat closing in on him, fucking her into the mattress so roughly the bedframe shook and he couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe as his orgasm hit him so hard that he keeled over and nearly folded her in half, gasping as he shot into her throbbing heat, cock twitching, but still hard because of this whole scent possession thing so he just kept going, kept thrusting into her, lewd, loud slapping of flesh against flesh, squelching as he fucked his own cum into her.

She grinned at him, mischievous and wolf-like, so many pointed teeth, and he was so damn hard, he didn’t understand how she made him so crazy but, also, he didn’t care because it felt so fucking good. It felt like his entire cock was vibrating his pleasure and fanning out over his balls and ass and back and up his spine and into his head, made more intense by the soft growls of his name from her lips and the smell of his cum mixing with hers. She sucked in a tight breath, body tensing.

“Mm, ah, Jungkook…”

Her pussy tightened, squeezing him rough and hard, and Jungkook whimpered, falling over the edge, pleasure hitting every nerve and igniting them all at once, squeezing his eyes shut and gasping out her name, whole body shivering with lust, his cock jerking and spurting a second load into her all-consuming wet heat, so much that it slid back and coated his own cock. He shuddered and slipped down, losing strength of his arms as her hands quickly planted themselves on his chest, holding him up. Slowly, she shifted her leg down and he moaned, feeling his cock shift inside her and some of his cum squirt out between them, soaking into his sheets.

The scent of sex hovered around them, clinging to their skin.

Jungkook couldn’t move.

Did he die?

Kind of felt like it.

Nothing but heat and pleasure, her pussy wrapped around his cock, pulsing slowly.

She held him up easily, measured, even breaths as she came down, a distinct difference to his absolutely fucked-out state, panting, forehead coated with sweat. He couldn’t say anything. She just calmly lowered him to her chest, wiping his forehead with the back of her hand and exhaling, waiting for his heart to slow and beat in time with hers.

It took several minutes.

To be honest, Jungkook was kind of happy he couldn’t move. His cock, although softening, was having a great time in this wet warmth.

“Uh… this has never happened before…” he mumbled, pressing his cheek against hers so he wouldn’t have to look her in the eye.

She chuckled. “I figured you might need a second.”

“I’ll get better at it.”

“That’s true. You’ll need lots of practice.”

Silence. Comfortable silence. Except for a couple outside squabbling loudly like crows. It was kind of ruining the moment.

“You should have closed the window,” Jungkook scolded, inhaling the scent of her hair.

“My bad. I was a little distracted by you furiously jacking off.”

“… Kind of proud I still had it in me to fuck you.”

He stiffened. Her tongue traced his ear.

“It’s the spell,” she teased.

“You said it’s biology.”

She chuckled, the laugh rumbling her chest.

-

“Why are you always perfectly okay after we fuck?”

You shrugged, nibbling on the piece of cheese you found in Jungkook’s fridge. He was on the floor of the kitchen, panting, hair sweaty and sticking to his face, the floor an absolute mess of fluids after you rode him right here in his own kitchen.

“Guess I’m just built different.”

He gritted his teeth, slamming his fist on the floor.

“It’s hurting my pride.”

This was nice cheese. You chewed, enjoying the flavor.

“I wouldn’t be so depressed about it. Maybe you need to work out.”

Jungkook glared at you. You chuckled and squatted down, flicking your tail against his thighs. He sucked in a breath, moaning softly.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s only been a few hours since we fell asleep and woke up.”

He clicked his tongue. “I need a shower. Again.”

“That’s your fault, you know. You always want me to lick you all over.”

“Speaking of which, lick me all over in the shower, thanks in advance.”

-

Your father could smell him off you and declared he was going to eat him.

“You will not.”

Your father growled at you. It was quite intimidating and you would have run if he wasn’t your father.

“You. Will. Not.” You repeated yourself with sternness.

Your father had snapped his jaw, grimacing in annoyance. Black lips peeling back, showing all his sharp teeth, gold eyes flashing. He was always in wolf form. He rarely changed.

“I doubt he’s more than a gulp to me. A mere bunny.”

“You can have your opinion, but he’s mine.”

He stomped away, paws heavy on the stone floor.

“You’ll tire of him.”

Honestly, you expected more of a fight. But you hadn’t missed the tick of your father’s head as he sniffed you, the pensive spark in his eyes. Everyone said he wasn’t the same since your mother passed away. You wouldn’t know, but he definitely wasn’t the thoughtful type. You watched him walk away, black and silver tail swishing, claws scraping.

You wondered what your father was like when he was in love.

Did he like holding hands? Did he look at your mother in awe and tell her how beautiful she was?

Did he tell her he loved her?

Your father turned his large head, puffing heavily from his elongated snout. You didn’t say anything. He was a huge black wolf, even bigger than your wolf form. Next to your human form, you were comically small. But down the hall, you were almost the same size, eye level.

His white teeth flashed.

Then he faced forward again and walked away.

Was he going to say something but decided against it?

“I love you, Father.”

You said it softly. He was gone, but maybe he heard anyway.

The Dire Alpha had excellent hearing.

-

“Uh, are you okay?”

You flung yourself through his window, scowling angrily.

“My father made me train for no reason.”

“Train for what?”

“Fighting, obviously.”

You hit the floor of his bedroom with a hard thunk, body aching all over. Still wearing an oversized black hoodie and black jeans four sizes too big. Your father was relentless. You must be going soft if you’re dating a human. Well, you showed him. But not before half-dying from his strikes.

Jungkook hurried over to you, but you scowled, shooing him away. You got on your hands and knees, snarling at the pain, snapping your teeth.

“Do you need an ice pack or something?” he asked, peering at you as you mentally steeled yourself, hoisting your body to your feet.

“No,” was your stubborn response. “I am fine.”

“You look like you’re going to fall over.”

“Sparring with my father does that,” you muttered, cracking your neck. “You want to try?”

“No, not really.”

You finally got a good look at Jungkook. He was wearing a patterned dress shirt with black slacks. Blond hair styled and parted to one side, revealing his strong and handsome features.

“What’s with you?” you asked, confused by his appearance.

He gestured weakly to the bedroom door. “Well… I made dinner… so maybe you want to eat with me?”

Oh. Your cheeks flushed warmly.

“I would love to.”

And then you collapsed, the world going black.

-

Jungkook couldn’t move her.

He was a strong guy, but she was like a giant sack of bricks in this state, crumpled onto his bedroom floor, bushy tail flared out, silvery ears flopped to one side. She was still breathing, but it was pained and shallow. He grabbed one of his pillows and managed to lift her head, shoving it under her. How bad as it? He pushed up the hem of her hoodie and looked.

Oh.

Fuck.

That’s a lot of bruises.

He shoved the hoodie back down and looked back to her face.

Her eyes were cracked open, husky chuckle on her lips.

“I think I’m a little tired…”

Jungkook tugged on her sweater. “Can you move? Just to get onto the bed. I can’t lift you.”

She let out a puff of air. “Floor is fine.”

“No, it’s not. The love of my life does not belong on the floor.”

“Hah.”

Her eyes slipped closed.

“You called me the love of your life.”

Oh.

He did, didn’t he?

Jungkook looked down at the female Dire. Her soft tufted ears and lush silver tail, but otherwise human. Definitely wasn’t though. He knew that from experience.

He couldn’t leave her.

Not even as the dinner got cold and forgotten. He dragged all his bedding onto the floor and created a blanket circle around their bodies, nuzzling himself next to her. He placed his head beside hers and watched her face. She seemed to be in a deep, dep sleep. Jungkook smiled despite her not being able to see and kissed her nose.

Shut his eyes, enjoying their closeness.

Her tail came up and rested on his legs.

-

“So I’m the love of your life, huh?”

“Gah!”

Jungkook snapped his eyes open, jerking back. But he couldn’t go far, because she was on top of him, all her clothes off, on her hands and knees. His eyes widened. She still had bruises, but they seemed to be lighter, purple-green. She tilted her head, fluffy ears flickering. The necklace she wore had the diamond pendant and – he counted – eight rings, the same number as before. Whew.

She scratched her neck and he noticed her nails were painted black again.

“Why are you naked?” Jungkook sputtered.

“Got hot,” she mumbled. “I usually sleep naked.”

Jungkook stared into her eyes. She seemed tired, but not near collapsing like she had been when she entered. The window was closed.

“Can you change?”

“Hm?”

“Into your wolf form. Can you change right now?”

She looked down at him. “Yes, of course.”

“Can I see?”

She blinked.

“You a furry or something?”

“N-no? I just… want to see it…”

She raised an eyebrow and backed up, tail swishing. He sat up, watching her form as she moved to an open space in his room. Sleek, primal, powerful. It didn’t take long. Two, three steps and there was the crack of bone rearranging, a sharp gashing of teeth and the long snout appeared, lips peeled back as she shook her head. He almost missed it, the sudden swish of fur and swiftly it was all over, her frame suddenly huge, daunting, reminding him of that night when she had saved him. Wicked black claws, undeniably dangerous. Muscles flexing as she stepped in a circle, the white crescent fur pattern on her back gleaming against her silvery pelt, hairs tipped with black.

She cracked her neck, staring down at him. The necklace now looked comically small and the ceiling seemed far too low. Her voice seemed to resonate, but still husky and recognizable.

“Is this what you wanted?”

Her eyes were pure gold, glinting in the moonlight through his window.

“You’re beautiful,” Jungkook breathed.

She chuckled, sitting down, tail swishing. “Are you sure you’re not a furry?”

“I don’t know and I don’t really care,” Jungkook muttered, admiring the way the moon seemed to bring out the shine in her fur.

She padded over and encircled him, tail brushing against his chest. Plopped down on the blankets, nudging with her leathery black nose. Jungkook looked up into her golden orbs. She seemed to raise an eyebrow.

“Hm?”

He leaned back against her shoulder, burrowing in the softness.

“Can I… see your teeth?” he asked softly.

She clicked her tongue, chest vibrating. Took him a moment to realize she was containing her laughter.

“You’re a little freaky, Jungkook,” she chuckled and then she opened her mouth, sharp, pointed white teeth glistening, lowering them to him. Next to his shoulder, breathing in heavy puffs. Definitely could rip him apart in an instant.

Not going to lie.

Jungkook was a little turned on.

Her tongue slid out, licking his neck.

Slightly more turned on.

“Satisfied?” she drawled.

“Erm, yes.”

She closed her mouth and laid her head on the blankets.

“Naptime.”

And she nestled around him, letting him sleep against her silvery warmth.

-

You woke him up by licking him.

Softly, on his neck. But not subtly, because you let it drip on his skin, painting him with your scent. He groaned, shifting in your arms, but you held him still, hands on his torso. He was still wearing that nice dress shirt and slacks. His blond hair was a little ruffled from sleep, but you could see the effort. You felt bad for not realizing his intent sooner but, then again, you couldn’t choose your father’s orders.

You weren’t in wolf form anymore. That would be strange if you were.

But somehow, you didn’t think Jungkook would care.

You heard him mumble your name. You placed your lips on his neck and kissed him softly.

“Bite me.”

“Chomp.”

He clicked his tongue. “Be serious.”

“You would be dead if I was serious.”

“You know what I mean,” Jungkook muttered, taking your hands and placing them on the buttons of his dress shirt. “Just a little bit. I’m human, not fragile.”

He was right.

“Ah, sorry,” you whispered.

“Don’t apologize.” His voice was deep, leaning his head back on your shoulder, exposing his neck. “Mark me. Fuck me up. Show me you want me.”

You chuckled, tail swishing slowly.

“Sure.”

He asked for it.

Your lips opened, tongue sliding out, dripping all over his skin. Jungkook moaned under you, hands reaching back and finding your thighs, squeezing them. One button. Two buttons. Teeth pressed against his throat, soaking him with you. Three buttons. You bit down, softly, and sucked, inhaling his scent. He was wearing some kind of cologne. You licked it off, replacing it with you. Jungkook shivered, gasping as your hand slid into his shirt.

“Harder…”

“You’re such trouble, Jungkook,” you mumbled, kissing down his shoulder, nipping at his skin. He whined as you pressed your fingertip to his nipple, rubbing in slow circles. You sank your teeth in, not breaking skin, but definitely hard enough for him to feel it, sucking just as roughly. Fuck. The feeling of him in your canines, the subtle taste of his skin coating your tongue.  You growled in your chest, pinching his nipple and hurriedly undoing the rest of his shirt. Jungkook shuddered under your mouth, moaning as you pushed the fabric aside.

“Mmm, fuck, yes…”

You pulled away, seeing the dark purple mark on his skin, pinpricks of red where your teeth had dug in. He pressed his back into your chest, panting heavily. You leaned forward, parting your lips. Thick, viscous saliva dripped down, plopping onto his pecs, coating him with your scent. You took it and rubbed it against his nipples, and Jungkook instantly reared into your hands, moaning, hands flying down to his slacks and fumbling with the button.

“Fuck, you drive me crazy.”

Your lips pressed against his ear as he fought with his pants, grunting in annoyance as they weren’t coming off fast enough. You traced his earlobe with your tongue and he gasped, leaning into it, raising his hips to remove his slacks as you nipped just under his ear, right at the pulse point.

“You’re a fucking tease,” Jungkook growled.

You licked up and down, so much saliva that it trickled down his neck. He whimpered as your teeth closed in.

“Say something…”

You paused for a moment. Then you reached up and tangled your fingers in his hair, pulling him to one side to expose more of his neck to you.

“Time to show everyone you’re mine,” you snarled.

You gripped his head tightly and bit down, sucking his skin into your mouth. Jungkook’s body bucked into yours, throaty moans vibrating in your lips but you barely noticed, because suddenly you could smell his scent, his hand once again palming himself, spreading his pre-cum over his throbbing cock. The faintest prick and his blood touched you tongue.

Oh.

Fuck.

You drew back, eyelids fluttering, grating groan as you leaned forward and licked it off. Couldn’t help it, you were a damn carnivore and his blood was right there, so you had to remove your teeth, but you were still going to lick it up. Ugh, so good. Jungkook whined out your name and you lowered him to the blankets, crawling down to his hand still stroking his cock.

“C-Can you…?”

“No, I cannot. Move your hand so I can sit on your dick.”

He moved his hand and pouted at you. “But–”

You lifted your head and stared at him in the eye. Jungkook froze, eyes widening. You knew what it looked like. Pure gold, almost glowing. One side of his neck was patterned with purple and red, your bites on his skin. He wouldn’t be able to cover them easily. Your heart was beating fast, too fast. Was it the blood? His smell? His body with your ownership on his skin?

In any case, there was no way you were going to attempt to blow him now.

You opened your mouth, panting hard.

“Jungkook, I want to. Sit. On. Your. Dick.”

He nodded, pulling his hands away. “Yes. Please.”

You lifted your body and sank down on him. Jungkook choked on air, gripping the blankets tightly as you closed your eyes, exhaling deeply as you felt him fill you up. Had it ever felt like this before? You weren’t even close to heat and yet it was still so good, felt so nice with him inside you as you squeezed him with your muscles. Jungkook gasped, shoulders tensing at the sensation.

“Are you trying to end me in seconds?” he hissed, but you ignored him, rocking your hips, holding onto his waist, sliding him in and out of you easily. You breathed in, pressing your fingers into his skin as your rode him and he turned into a moaning puddle under you, working his hardness, focusing more on clenching him inside you rather than smacking your hips together.

“It doesn’t matter,” you breathed. “I’ll make sure you can keep going.”

“Fuck, you’re mean,” Jungkook gritted out.

You opened your eyes, looking down at him. Him and his head pressed back into the blankets, blond hair contrasting the navy fabric, jaw tight, eyes screwed shut as he tried to hold on. He felt your gaze and cracked his eyes open, surveying you through his lashes.

You smiled at him, rolling your hips down his length.

“Don’t–”

You opened your mouth and let it drip onto his abs.

“Fuck!”

His hands smacked into yours and his back arched sharply, muffled wail as he came inside you, hot thick strings painting your insides. It was a sudden, euphoric sensation that seemed to flood you with pleasure from bottom up, massaging his length as his cum squelched with your movements, soaking down your walls and coating his cock, trickling onto his balls. You slid your hands out of his and spread your saliva over his stomach, still warm from his hot skin.

You could tell it was taking over him, the way his hands crawled up your thighs, gripping your hips, opening his dark eyes, pupils blown out, completely intoxicated by lust.

You slid your hands to his sides, planting them on the floor.

“Fuck me back, Jungkook,” you drawled huskily. “Shove your cum into me.”

Hard, rough, fast – you slammed your hips into him and Jungkook groaned, grabbing your ass and raising his hips to meet yours, an obscene squish as his cum was jammed back into your folds. You bit your lip, grinning, all your nerves tingling, ears and tail bristling, chasing your release as you thrust him into you and he smacked his hips back, matching your pace. His eyes found yours. Darkness to gold.

“Shit, you look so hot…”

You tightened around him and he moaned, throwing his head back, the purple-red hickeys on his neck flexing with his muscle.

“Fuck, you’re so pretty with my bites,” you panted, towering over him, the head of his cock jamming into your deepest parts, so perfectly nice and wet and messy, his cum and your juices spilling out onto his legs and balls, soaking the blankets under you as you fucked him relentlessly. “Cum for me, Jungkook. Let’s make a mess.”

Your name tore of out of his throat, and you gasped as he filled you again, all the way to the brim, eyes fluttering closed as your orgasm shadowed his, suffocating and unrelenting, squeezing his stiff length so hard that your cum and his cum splattered down, painting mixed scents on both your crotches. Strong and heady, intoxicating and addictive. You sat all the way down, moaning as you relished in the joined wetness, thick and wonderful, your hands coming up and caressing his heaving torso, his hands falling from your hips and hitting the floor with a thud.

Slow, deep breaths.

You looked down at Jungkook. His eyes were closed and he was breathing shallowly. His blond hair stuck to his sweaty forehead, jaw tense. You patted his chest and he opened one eye, peering at you.

“Should I get up?”

His hands came back up and rested on your thighs. “No. I like this.”

You pulsated around his twitching cock and Jungkook closed his eyes again, sighing in satisfaction, listening to the lewd spurt of more cum dripping out. You lifted one of your hands and placed it on your lips. Then you lowered it and placed your fingers to his lips.

Jungkook’s eyes opened, brown orbs hazy.

You grinned at him, silvery ears flicking upward.

-

Jungkook stared at himself in the mirror.

This t-shirt was not going to cut it.

He went back to his closet and retrieved a scarf.

Nope, this just looked stupid.

He went back to the closet and found a turtleneck. A white and black striped one.

Well. Less stupid. Too hot for it, but that was his own fault.

Jungkook pulled down the collar. He traced the bite mark. He swallowed, feeling the arousal building up inside him once again. Remembered the way she felt around him. The way his whole body seemed drawn to her, the way his cock was soaked with him own cum and hers. She had already left. Had things to do and all that. A slow smile grew on his lips.

He had ten minutes before he actually had to leave for work.

He could annoy her for a little bit.

Jungkook’s tattooed right hand slid down to his jeans, undoing the button.

-

You raised your head.

Frowned.

You father got up from the table and took his plate with him. Hunk of raw meat and all.

“Father?”

The gigantic black wolf paused and glared at you. Blood dripped from his white teeth.

“Daughter, I recognize his scent just as well as you.”

Oh.

Yikes.

You decided not to tell Jungkook that.

Ignorance is bliss.

-

“No.”

“Why not?”

You were sitting on the rooftop of his apartment complex. He had taken you up here to show you the sunset over the city. Fed you a large hunk of raw high-quality meat and three bottles of soju. Became slightly upset when you didn’t get drunk. Too much muscle mass, perhaps.

“I’m not going to fuck you on the full moon, Jungkook,” you chuckled as you nibbled on a piece of cheese. It was such an interesting flavor. Jungkook had said it was some kind of gourmet cheese, but to you it was only a wedge of very tasty dairy.

“It might be nice?” he tried, nudging you.

You chuckled. “It’ll definitely be nice, but you still can’t move after I’m done with you at the moment, so let’s build up some tolerance first.”

“Let’s,” Jungkook pouted. “You just mean me.”

You were sitting on a green plaid blanket Jungkook had spread out for you two. You looked over to him and his dark denim jacket with matching dark jeans. He was wearing a white Beatles t-shirt under it.

“Do you actually like the Beatles or are you just wearing it for aesthetics?”

Jungkook looked down at his shirt. “Of course, I like the Beatles. Who doesn’t like the Beatles?” He snapped his head up, eyes widening. “You know who the Beatles are?”

You rolled your eyes. “I keep telling you I am not from the medieval times; there are just some primitive ideals in my culture, ugh.” You poked his chest and he rubbed it, frowning. You continued, ignoring his frown. “Obviously I know who they are. The Beatles changed music. Recording, songwriting, artistic presentation – they brought music to new heights. They changed music not only as an industry but also the way people felt about music. Think about it. They became an international act when people were only listening to music on the radio. Do you know how insane that is? Everything travels so fast on the Internet nowadays, but the Beatles became popular without the internet. Can you even imagine that in this day and age?”

You turned your head to make your point and Jungkook was staring at you, slack-jawed.

“What?”

He shook his head, smiling. “I like listening to you. I totally agree by the way. Do you like music?” he said excitedly. “I work at a records store. You want to come by sometime?”

You blinked at him.

“Ah… sure. That sounds nice.”

-

part iii

--

masterpost

[mrs-gucci]

I’m going to try come up with other ideas lol but these jumped out at me. I would absolutely use these for something! I’m saving them too because I just might!

But if you feel like it, these combined scenarios could be really fun for a sarcastic, grouchy ass Flip or Kylo AU. It could be anything from enemies to antagonists to the guy being in trouble with you currently from doing stupid shit and trying to make up with you! Anything you think!

your enemy has been badly wounded, and somebody needs to bandage them up, so you agree to help them, and suddenly they're shirtless, and you can't help but admire their body, something this cheeky motherfucker takes notice of

there's only one bed, but this time, they're arguing over who should sleep on the floor, which nobody agrees to, so instead they end up sharing, incredibly annoyed over having to share their space (it’s not like friends to lovers, in which they both awkwardly get into bed. this is straight up just. i will set this bed on fire if you don’t stay on your side)

The Longest Knight {Sir Kylo Ren x Reader}

author's notes: hello, hello! shannon, dear, you always seem to know what I'm in need of when you send requests in. I've been dying for an excuse to write some medieval/knight Kylo, and this fits in perfectly with that AU, so thank you! <3

**THERE ARE SOME DARK(ER) THEMES IN THIS STORY, BUT ONLY AT THE VERY BEGINNING (there’s an indicator of when the dark content ends, in bold, you can’t miss it). PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS AND TW’S BEFORE PROCEEDING!**

warnings: some angst. some gore. some fluff. smut. enemies-with-benefits. sex w/o feelings. kylo is a huge douche (but in, like, a lowkey sexy way). 

tw's: (at the very beginning): dead bodies & blood, vivid depictions of wounds/injuries, brief depictions of battle, implied (battle-related) murder. mentions of sex work (later on in the story, not relating to the reader character).

word count: 4.4k

terms to know: loincloth: groin-covering cloth tied around the waist (literally just underwear). bedswerver: “adulterer” (an insult). mamillare: medieval breast band (bra).

When the sounds of marching footfall, deep cries of manly battle, and shod hooves pounding on the drought-hardened ground had ceased from the air, you saddle your horse and ride out to the far field of your property. 

The putrid smell of rotting flesh hits you before any bodies are even in view. Your prized stallion slows his trot, nostrils flaring and ears perked forward as the scene of battle presents itself to both of you.

He begins to snort and whinny in acute panic at the sight of so many corpses, both human and horse. Your stomach begins to churn, and you can barely bring yourself to look upon the scene as your heel encourages him onward, wanting to make sure there aren’t any surviving soldiers. 

Both sides seem to have suffered great loss, although you’re unsure which corpses belong to which side. The conflict betwixt Alderaan and Naboo has been dragging on much too long, and at the end of the day, is any conflict truly worth all of the lives lost?

You certainly didn’t think so, but perhaps you’re just too close to this war, incapable of having an unbiased opinion due to the loss of your beloved husband at the hands of Sir Kylo Ren, the Alderaanean calvary general and the most feared man across all five kingdoms. 

As you make your rounds to check for survivors, much to the dismay of your steed, you quickly lose almost all hope that anyone laid here ended up surviving the brutality apparently brought down upon them during the fight. 

Suddenly, your horse lifts himself up on hinds legs ever so slightly, jogging in place as a barely-audible groan comes from one of the men. His hand moves ever so slightly, and you quickly rush over to him, dismounting with a small first aid bag.

His helmet is that of a high-ranking official, but on which side he belongs, it’s too hard to tell. Not that it truly matters, you’d take just about any man with the courage to fight these battles.

“Sir?” You say, kneeling down beside the large man. “Do you remember what happened to you?”

He grunts lowly, winter-chapped lips opening in an attempt to speak. “S-Stomach.”

Once your mind registers his husky words, you look down at his abdomen and see that his armor seems to have been compromised in a spot right on the side of his stomach. Fresh blood seeps from the deep wound, and you cringe, grabbing one of the towels from your pack to gently wipe away some of the blood, but the tear in flesh is so deep, it’s impossible to do with just one towel. **dark content warnings ENDS**

“My estate is just a short ride from here. I cannot hold your weight myself, but if you can mount my horse, I will take you back and mend your wounds to the best of my ability.”

The mask nods softly, slowly but surely lifting himself up off the ground, wobbling towards your horse, who snorts nervously. He seemingly understands the severity of the situation, though, and stands still as the knight sits himself on his back. 

From there, he lays back, breath catching in his throat as his injuries are tweaked with each of the horses’ strides. You hold onto the reins, leading your stallion back to the house. 

After quite a bit of maneuvering and a lot of quarreling with the injured knight, you finally manage to set him up the cot in your spare bedroom. He sits down on the chair as you do so, mumbling and grumbling about his pain. You found it quite annoying, really, but you can’t really blame him for acting in such a way.

“You’ll need to remove your armor, sir. I cannot treat your wounds with it on.”

“By God’s bones.” He curses under his breath in annoyance, but stands and removes his body armor nonetheless.

Piece by piece is peeled from his body, his physically intimidating figure revealed slowly to your curious eyes. Only his under-layers were left, soon enough, and you found it a bit odd that he hadn’t taken his helmet off first. You would think that would be a great relief to have the proper air exposure on your face, but you’re not really in a place to make assumptions about that sort of thing.

His brilliantly alabaster skin is severely bloodied, bruised, and badly butchered. He would require quite some time to heal and recover, but if you learned anything from being married to an army man, it’s that they’re all stubborn bastards who never take the proper time to allow time for their bodies to properly heal.

He’s soon fully exposed to you, minus his helmet and threadbare loincloth, and you have to look away quickly as your cheeks heat up. The small garment left very little to the imagination, and this knight was...well endowed, to put it kindly.

Putting your own personal feelings aside for the betterment of the patient, you look back up at him with a small smile. “You may remove your helmet now, good sir.”

“I cannot reach up to grab it from my head.” He says in a flat, unamused voice.

“Of course.” You scold yourself for not thinking of that. “Well, if you lay down on the cot, I shall remove it for you.”

Instead of protest, which is what you expected, he complied with your instructions and laid down on the cot. He grunts satisfyingly at the comfort of a mattress, most likely used to sleeping on the ground.

When you reach for the bottoms of his helmet to pull it off, he suddenly snatches your wrist, stopping you instantly.

“If you need touch me, ask before doing so.” His voice is nothing more than a growl.

You almost roll your eyes, starting to truly become annoyed with this knight. You invited him into your home and you’re willing to be his bedside nurse...and he has the audacity to request something like this.

Again you’re forced to put your personal feelings aside for the sake of your patient and for the maintenance of your bedside manner, forcing a smile onto your face. “With all due respect, sir, I’m your nurse for the time being. I will be needing to touch you quite often. Am I really expected to ask each and every time?”

“Yes.” He replies.

Your jaw clenches and you wish nothing more in this moment than to smack this man right across the face.

“Fine. May I please remove your helmet?”

Sparing you the assurance of a vocal reply, the mask simply nods, and you pull it over his head. When the face of your patient is revealed to your eyes, you’re appalled.

It’s Sir Kylo Ren...the man that murdered your husband.

You drop the helmet onto the ground, metal clattering as it rocks back and forth once it’s settled in one spot on the hardwood. This can’t be real.

He snarls. “Why are you looking upon me with that expression? Have you never seen a man before? I have wounds that need tended to, girl, and I’d like to be out of here before sundown.”

Anger begins to boil your blood, tears burning in your eyes as you look down at the man before you.

“You bastard.” Your hand raises, ready to strike him clean against the cheek. He catches your fist in his hand before you can, though.

“I wouldn’t, if I were you.” Kylo warns, squeezing your fist. “I’ll have to have you beheaded for hitting an army man, and your head is much too pretty to be put to such waste.”

You snort, yanking yourself from his grip, teeth gritting as you walk out to fetch all the medical supplies. He’s wearing a cocky expression when you walk back in.

“I recognize you.” He says.

You huff, unamused. “How could you possibly recognize me? We’ve never met.”

His lips curl up into a devious smirk. “You’re right, we haven’t met before, but I recognize you from your husband’s description. I asked him what you looked like, since he was babbling on and on about you.”

You freeze up, bottom lip beginning to quiver as Sir Kylo continues.

“Then I drove my blade straight through his pathetic chest, and later that night, I touched myself as I thought of you.”

He chuckles deviously.

“Bedswerver!” You yell, cocking your fists once more and lunging at him, ready to strike once more. But then, you stop yourself, knowing the consequences you’d surely face should you actually hit him. 

Your fists lower and you simply say nothing, preparing the cloths in the warm water. The tears run down your cheeks on their own volition, but you quickly wipe them away before turning back towards him. 

“He wasn’t worthy of your company, Y/N.” Kylo says as you begin to clean the wounds on his stomach. “And he clearly didn’t satisfy you in the way you needed, considering the manner in which you looked over my body when I took my armor off.”

His hand reaches around and squeezes your ass, making you jump. 

“How long has it been, little lamb? A young woman like you shouldn’t have to live without a man to satisfy her aching need.”

You can’t pretend that you’re not aroused by his words, by his touch. But you’d never let him have you, not in a thousand years. So, you quickly swat his hand away and continue cleaning his wounds. “That’s none of your concern, Sir Kylo. I am perfectly content without a man and that’s all I’m going to say on the matter.”

He laughs. “That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one. I bet you’re aching right now, just from my words and my simple touch.”

Before he can touch you further, you back away, limbs trembling with anger and frustration. You dunk the bloody rag back into the bowl of water, ring it out a bit, then throw it onto his chest.

“Clean the wounds yourself, since you can obviously move your hands and arms perfectly fine.” You say, wiping your own on a dry cloth. “I’ll be back to bandage you in a bit.”

“Don’t think of me too much, lamb. You’ll release too quickly.” He snickers as you slam the door shut behind you, bursting into tears the moment you step foot into your bedroom.

You sob quietly, the freshly-healed stitches of your heart popping open one at a time, the grief and pain of losing your beloved consuming you once more. 

And now you’re here, mending his killer.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It takes everything you have, every ounce of willpower, to wake up and face Sir Kylo every single day. You know you’re doing the right thing by helping him, but that doesn’t make dealing with him any easier.

He’s impossibly stubborn, arrogant beyond comprehension, and increasingly grumpy. But, you just have to keep going, keep pushing through, reminding yourself that each day brings you closer and closer to his inevitable departure.

You’ve all but blocked out his inappropriate and antagonizing comments or remarks, just getting his bandages replaced and then leaving the room as quickly as possible.

Today, though, he’s achieved a new level of jackassery, a thing you thought impossible until he did it. And boy, did he do it.

“I’ve made arrangements for a few whores to come and provide me some...company.”

Your fist tightens around the bandage in your hand. He smirks.

“You’re more than welcome to join us. There’s plenty of me to go around, little lamb. You’ll get your turn.”

“No, thanks. I think I’d rather stab myself with a sword.” You reply, beginning to switch out his bandages. “You’re lucky I’m even allowing it to occur in my house.”

He just chuckles. “You’d probably be bad, anyway.”

You suddenly rip the bandage off of his skin, causing him to cry out in pain. He looks at you, and you glare down at him. “Just...can you please just stop talking for once in your life? Must you always berate me when all I’ve done over the past few weeks is take care of you? Is this what kindness, genuine kindness, gets me?”

He suddenly seems to sober up, to let what he’s done to you sink in. It doesn’t last long, but you still see it. Perhaps he does have the capability to feel at least some sense of remorse.

Kylo stays quiet for the rest of the time you tend to his wounds, and when you turn to leave, the two words you’ve been convinced are not in his vocabulary, come from the behind you.

“Thank you.”

This sliver of empathy is short lived, especially after the girls from the local brothel make their way up to his room. 

“Oh! Oh! Sir Kylo!”

You shake your head, attempting to read in the study, which is located on the other side of house from the guest bedroom. Yet, their screams, cries and the various other lewd noises still manage to make their way to your ears.

“Ah! Ah! Ah!” “Take it, whore, take it!” “Kyloooooooo!”

The temptation to go up there and kick the girls out is increasing by the second, but you don’t. Maybe this will help mellow him out a bit, make him more manageable.  Plus, you’re pretty sure that you’d have to carve your eyes out after walking in on whatever they’re doing up behind that closed door.

Unfortunately for you, it becomes progressively more difficult to focus on your book as the burn between your thighs intensifies. It’s been almost two years since your husband was murdered, which means that it’s been a little over that since you were last intimate with someone.

Normally, and up until Sir Kylo entered your household, you were more than fine subduing your sexual desires. You haven’t once touched yourself, not that you’d really know how to anyway, and you certainly weren’t about to start now.

You cross your legs, hoping that’ll quell some of the burning, but it only makes it worse. Another half an hour passes and your hand now rests on your thigh, slowly inching down towards your soaked and quivering pussy.

Just a quick touch won’t hurt...he doesn’t have to know...

Luckily, a knock at the door brings your motions to a stop. You sigh in relief, walking over to open the door. When you do, you’re met with a bandaged bare torso, a very muscular bare torso. His skin glistens with sweat and the smell of sex radiates from his essence. 

He’s still breathing heavily as he stands in the doorway, looking down at you.

“We’re finished upstairs.” He says breathily. “I’m due for my afternoon bandage change, whenever you’re ready.”

You watch him saunter away, admiring the way his muscles stretch and tense with each stride. You’re burning up by now, both your skin and your arousal, and you wonder how you’re going to get through this next bandage change. 

When you enter the room, the musk of sex is thick in the air, humidity at a suffocating level. You try to ignore it, try not to let it get to you, but it’s just surrounding you. 

Your skin begins to glisten, brow furrowed as you focus on trying to change these bandages as quickly as possible. Kylo seems to take notice of your hurry, your sudden perspiring.

“Is something wrong?” He asks you, biting back a smirk. “You seem flustered.”

Nodding, you continue on with the bandaging.  “I’m fine, just a bit warm is all.”

Kylo hums, reaching down to grab your wrist as you reach up to re-bandage the wound on his chest. He brings your fingers up to his lips, sucking the tips into his mouth gently, tongue swiping over the pads of your digits.

You try to pull away, to leave before you do something you regret, but his hold on you is firm. And if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t actually want him to stop.

Oh lord, this is bad. It’s so wrong. You shouldn’t want this. He murdered your husband, the man you loved. He’s so smug and cocky and yet...it’s what you’ve been wanting this whole time, the thing you’ve tried to suppress, to not let yourself want.

But now, everything else be damned, you want this. You need this. And damnit, you’re gonna have it.

His lips release your fingertips with a lewd pop! sound, an arrogant smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You haven’t tried to pull away or tell me off in a minute or two. Is everything alright?”

You huff. “Just do it.”

He raises his eyebrows, sitting up a little. “Do what? What do you want me to do, little lamb?”

“You know what I want.”

“Oh yes, I’m fully aware of what you want.” He smirks. “But I want to hear you say it out loud.”

You cross your arms on your chest, trying to ignore the twang of guilt that shoots through you as you prepare to say the words aloud.

“Fine. I want you to f-fuck me.”

“That’s right. I knew you wanted it.” Kylo takes your hand and trails it down his muscular abdomen, stopping just above where his loincloth sits on his hips.

“Take it off.”

You’re chewing your lip numb as you reach down and undo the tie holding the garment on. Your breath hitches as you slide it off, exposing his member, which is hardening steadily.

“Instead of staring, perhaps you’d like to try touching it?” He smirks.

You shoot him a glare. “Stop talking, for once in your life, please spare my ears the sound of your constant squabble.”

Kylo chuckles, putting his hands behind his head.

Your hand wraps around the base of his length, and he grunts softly. It’s your turn to wear a smirk.

“Oh, do you like that, Sir Kylo?”

He huffs. “Every man likes their cock being touched. Don’t go thinking that it means anything.”

You squeeze his shaft, drawing a deep grunt from his lips and small buck of his hips. He looks away, jaw clenched in an attempt to prevent any further noises. 

This fact only makes you more determined, hand pumping his cock with more vigor, alternating between different paces and pressures to really drive him crazy.

You’re thoroughly enjoying this, drinking in the sight of him trying his absolute hardest not to react to the touches that so obviously arouse him. You tease him even more, using your fingers to touch certain parts of his length. 

Well, it’s fun for the few minutes it lasts, but suddenly, you find yourself in his position, laid back on the cot. He’s on top of you, now, pushing the skirts of your dress up, fingers yanking the laces on your bodice.

He quickly pulls it off, followed by your skirts, leaving you in only your mamillare and your loincloth. His eyes roam your newly exposed skin for a moment before his hand slips down between your thighs, fingers pressing up against the fabric.

“I knew it. Were you listening, little lamb? Were you listening to me fuck those whores and wishing it was you?”

Your breath hitches. “Well, it was sort of hard not to listen when the girls were screaming.”

His fingers wrap around the waist tie, pulling them down to fully expose your wet heat. He smirks, rubbing around until he finds that one spot that has your back arching and a gasp escaping your lips.

Before he can even say anything, you reiterate his words in a mocking tone. “Every woman likes being touched there. Don’t go thinking that it means anything.”

He huffs, rubbing you harder.

“Tell me how wet you got when you heard me fucking those whores. Tell me that you wanted a turn on my cock, wondered how good I’d feel inside you.”

“N-No.” You say, a stern expression on your face. “I’ll never say that to you.”

His jaw clenches as he bends down, lips next to your ear. “You'll be screaming it once I’m done with you.”

Your eyes widen when his fingers slowly press up into your entrance. 

“Kylo...” You’ve never been touched in this way before. It’s...different, and not necessarily unpleasant.

He sees your hesitation. “Trust me, you’ll like it.”

And you did.

His digits begin moving in and out of you, curling up occasionally to stimulate a certain tender spot inside you. You’re biting down on your lip, surely hard enough to break the skin, trying your darndest not to give him the privilege of hearing your noises.

As you did to him, seeing you suppress your noises only spurs him on more, movements becoming quicker, swifter. Your orgasm draws closer with each skilled stroke, but just before you reach your peak, he pulls out.

You thought you wanted to hit him before; now, you kind of want to pop some of his abdomen stitches. 

“Why did you do that?”

He laughs devilishly, reaching down to pump his cock, slicking it with the juices of your arousal. “You didn’t think I’d actually let you get off that easily, did you?”

“Well, I was sort of hoping...”

You’re brought to silence when he crawls on top of you, trapping you beneath his massive form. His mushroom head swirls around your entrance, collecting some of your slick before pressing it inside of you.

It’s been quite a while since you’ve had anyone, and you don’t think you’ve ever had someone of his size before, so you gasp softly as he presses forth. Soon, his entire length is seated in you, stretching and filling you to the brim.

His eyes are squeezed shut, jaw clenched as he tries to remain still in order to allow you an adjustment period. Once you’ve had some time, he begins moving his hips, rolling them at a steady pace. 

“Knew you’d have a nice little cunt,” He growls, teeth baring. “So wet and tight for me, little lamb.”

You bite your numbing lip in an attempt to prevent any of the desperate moans or cries that want to escape. He’s doing something similar, jaw clenched tightly. 

Only the wet squelch and sharp snapping of skin colliding can be heard between the two of you, minus the occasional grunt or sharp inhale from either of you, which is quickly shut down almost as soon as it slips out.

Soon, you feel your climax begin to appear on the horizon, walls clenching and pulsing around his cock. He takes notice, quickly speeding his rhythm up, exhaling loudly through his flared nostrils.

He’s getting close, too, balls pulling up as his body prepares itself for orgasm. The energy between you two, as well as your physical movements, quickly turn desperate. 

“Don’t release inside me.”

“I’m flattered that you think I’d even want to.” He says, smugly.

You huff, rolling your eyes. “I see that even the throws of passion and ecstasy is still not enough to tamper your unbearable attitude.”

“There is nothing that can stop me from taking the opportunity to get a rise out of you, milady.” He smirks before his brows knit in the center of his forehead. “If you’re gonna cum, I suggest you do it s-soon.”

Your eyes flutter shut, hips attempting to lift up off the mattress, wanting him to hit that certain spot inside you. As soon as you find the right angle, a choked sob leaves your lips as you’re quickly brought and tossed over the edge.

Kylo groans softly, thrusting rapidly before pulling out at the last minute, spilling his seed all over your abdomen.

Both of you are breathless as you ride out your climaxes, basking in the peaceful bliss that washes over your body, basking in the luxury of his utter and complete silence. It was a welcome change, a much-needed reprieve from the past few weeks of dealing with him.

He eventually flops down onto the mattress beside you, grabbing and re-securing his loincloth around his hips. You’re already a bit sore from being stretched for the first time in two years.

“May I just sleep here tonight, Sir Kylo? Unless you’d like to carry me back over to my bedroom.”

The side-eye he gives you is incredibly humorous, but you contain your laughter, not wanting to add oil to the flame.

“I won’t be a bother. I will stay on this side of the cot; you’ll barely even know I’m here.”

“Are you truly incapable of walking yourself back to your bedroom after one session of fucking? Was I really that amazing that I’ve left you unable to move about the house?” He laughs.

"And suddenly, the pain of walking over to my room seems less painful than staying here and listening to your vexing squabble.”

Kylo huffs. “If you stay here for the night, you may not breach the center of the mattress. I will kick you out if you even come close to bumping into me or making any sort of physical contact.”

Mocking his words from earlier, you smirk. “I’m flattered that you think I’d even want to touch you.”

“Very funny.” He says, flatly, rolling over to face away from you. “Just stay on your fucking side of the bed.”

You roll your eyes, sitting up to braid your hair for bed before fluffing the goose-feather pillow beneath your head, settling down for the night. Soon, Sir Kylo’s obnoxious snores bounce off the walls and you put your pillow over your head, hoping to muffle the noise.

God, even his snores are arrogant.

-

The next morning, when your eyes flutter open at the first sign of light through the window, you find the sheets next to you vacant.

You sit up, eyebrows furrowed as you look around the room, ears open to listen for any noise anywhere in the house. You don’t hear anything.

Then, you see a piece of rolled up parchment on his pillow along with a small satchel. When you open the pouch, you’re shocked to see a pile of shiny coins. You unrolled the note, reading the sloppy script.

For the medical supplies and for your trouble. Here’s hoping our paths never cross again.

-Kylo

As you read the very brief and to-the-point note, you can practically hear his snide voice in your head reciting it. The cold, cocky tone of his words shone through the parchment and ink, incredibly so. You huff, tossing the note back onto the pillow before getting up to begin the day. 

Well...at least you’ll never have to see him again.

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Thoughts on The Buddie Talk from 502

Other folks have looked at this conversation, but I wanted to get on my bullshit about it too. LOL.

So imho this whole conversation is about love and heart, specifically Eddie’s but with Buck’s heart added in. Line by line analysis and commentary. Let the BS begin. Here we go…

Buck: Hey are you sleeping, or just pretending?

Day and night/light and dark are strong themes throughout the episode. @benka79 did a meta on this theme. I think that by extension, awake vs asleep is meaningful in this scene. In matters of the heart, Eddie is trying to sleep or turn a blind eye, doing what he thinks is best for Chris rather than himself. This is exactly what Carla warned him against. But he knows. He knows that Carla is right but he’s ignoring her and trying to ignore Buck. He’s only pretending to be in the dark about his heart and his desires, at least to a degree.

Eddie: I was actually trying to until you interrupted.

Enter Buck, shaking shit up. Interrupting Eddie’s well-intentioned lie. Eddie knows there’s more than meets the eye and Buck is forcing him to open his eyes, wake up and see what’s really going on and reckon with himself and his true desires.

Buck: I’m exhausted. Uh, how are you feeling?

This line has been rattling around in my brain for what feels like a thousand years. Buck is NOT asleep, he’s not able to turn a blind eye. And being the only one willing to look directly at matters of the heart is wearing him out. Dude’s exhausted! He SEES that something is up with Eddie’s heart and he wants Eddie to tell him all about it.

Eddie: Hot. I’m sweating out of places I didn’t know I could.

During the blackout, AC isn’t working so everyone is sweating. Buck even has a thin layer of sweat in the scene. Sweating from the heat is normal and completely reasonable, but is that what’s being invoked here? We know that sweating is also a symptom of health issues (panic and heart problems not the least among them, and definitely symbolically relevant here). Eddie looks like he’s sweating for normal reasons but in the next line Buck questions that.

Buck: No uh like a cold sweat though, right? Uh, any chest pains?

Again, Buck is wide awake. He KNOWS something is wrong with Eddie’s heart/feelings and that Eddie is hiding it from him. He jumps to cold sweats, the kind that are most connected to health problems and are not about the actual temperature in the room. Then follows up with asking about chest pains. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Buck is paralleled with the cardiologist. She’s about Eddie’s literal heart but Eddie’s figurative heart is in Buck’s hands and Buck’s hands only. And my dude is assertively assessing the situation.

Eddie: You don’t give up, do you? I’m fine, Buck.

Good ol’ Eddie, perfecting his avoidance and denial game. But he knows Buck. He does NOT ever give up and he especially doesn’t give up on the people he loves. Eddie recognized this and thanked Buck for it in 303. Buck didn’t give up on Christopher during the tsunami, or on Eddie in Eddie Begins or in Survivors. But that was about Chris and Eddie’s life. This scene in 502 is new in a way. Buck is refusing to give up on Eddie’s heart, his feelings. Now Buck is fighting for Eddie’s quality of life, for his happiness.

Buck: People who are fine don’t go and see cardiologists. You need to tell me if something is wrong.

Buck was so worried about Eddie in 501. Of course Eddie denied that anything was wrong but Buck isn’t stupid. In 501 he asked about the situation clearly and openly because he cares about Eddie and wants to help in any way he can, and Eddie pushed him away. So here in 502 he implicitly invokes the Will. He’s like fine if you won’t tell me as your friend who gives a shit about you, then tell me for Chris’s sake because thanks to the will, I actually fucking need to know if you’re going to drop dead.

Eddie: Alright, it was a panic attack, not a heart attack. A panic attack.

Eddie’s frustrated confession was solid gold. It laid my edges and raised my credit score. He knows that Buck’s persistence is harmless and comes from a genuine place of respect and care. Still, that doesn’t make it any less annoying for a man who’s trying to sleep, pretending his own heart isn’t breaking under the weight of his sense of duty to his son.

Buck: Since when do you panic?

My God, he knows him so well.

Eddie: That’s what I said. I don’t panic. Except I did.

Eddie accepting that this was absolutely a panic attack was huge. Before he had been pushing against the reality of it, but here in Buck’s loving care he could be honest with himself and with Buck that it was indeed panic.

Buck: Ok, well, what triggered it? I mean you did just get shot and almost killed by a sniper. I guess that could be considered an anxiety inducing-

Buck’s in full “cardiologist” mode. He’s paying forward all those years of therapy! What he’s doing here isn’t a replacement for my dude getting some real therapy but here’s Buck with his clipboard efficiently helping Eddie figure his emotional shit out. It’s perfection. It’s also good that he acknowledged the shooting. I think it’s super important that when Buck mentions it, he looks down and away from Eddie.

Buck, my dude, you are not over being covered in the blood of the love of your life. You can still feel his weight in your hands, muscle memory from lifting him above the spray of gasoline and bullets. Eddie may still be asleep on that front but, Buck, you are wide awake and exhausted by the heavy love you’re carrying.

Eddie: That wasn’t it. Ok, if I’m being honest with myself, I think it was Ana.

Oh this is fun. So you are capable of being real, you just choose not to be. Good to know.

Buck: Uh, I thought things were great with her.

Stop. Lying. You saw Eddie get squirrely when talking about the Christening. You saw Eddie get awkward af when A*a and Christopher came to the firehouse. You’ve seen these issues with your own eyeballs. Great? Really? Yeah, this just makes me think muh boy is oblivious and/or he really was expecting Eddie to come clean about issues related to the shooting, not his love life. This reiterates my point that Buck himself is not nearly done with processing the shooting.

Eddie: She’s been a godsend through all this - staying with Christopher - but I think that’s what’s causing the panic. Somehow it become a ready-made family and I don’t know if I’m ready for that.

This portion of the conversation has been analyzed to bits by many brilliant others. I don’t have anything to add. I’m like, look dude, you already have a family with Buck and Christopher. A*a’s effin’ up your happy healthy family flow. It’s ok, just turn her loose.

Buck: So what are you gonna do?

Buck’s wisdom grows every frickin’ day. He knows this isn’t sustainable for Eddie. He knows that the heart matters. He knows that feelings are real and help us navigate toward a happy life. Action is needed and he’s nudging Eddie in that direction.

Eddie: I think I’m just gonna stick it out. Ana’s been the first woman I’ve wanted to spend this much time with since Shannon.

Oh dear, Eddie’s overblown sense of duty to everyone but himself strikes again. He can…tolerate… A*a. How romantic!

Buck: Stick it out? That’s not the way you talk about someone you’re in love with.

Um, no. Buck calls shenanigans. He’s not A*a’s bestie but he doesn’t feel any desire whatsoever to have her condemned to a loveless relationship.

Eddie: My kid loves her!

Always putting Christopher first but not realizing that if he isn’t truly happy, Christopher will know because he’s perceptive af. Plus the two haven’t discussed A*a on screen so I’m not convinced Chris loves her as much as Eddie wants to believe.

Buck: Is that enough? Eddie I have been Ana. I know what it’s like to be in love with someone who is not all the way in. Deep down you know it and it hurts. It hurts worse than the truth, so if you don’t want to hurt Ana, you owe it to her to be honest.

Buck is doing A LOT of work here to help Eddie see that his plan of inaction is not good. He centers Eddie asking him if staying for Chris is enough. When that doesn’t work, he realizes that Eddie doesn’t care about his own heart enough to leave so he changes strategies and puts himself in A*a’s place to invoke some empathy for A*a from Eddie. It’s super…interesting that Eddie doesn’t care enough for A*a to come to this conclusion on his own!!

Eddie: You know it just feels like a lot man.

Why, my dude?? Explain. Could it be that A*a is serving a purpose beyond Chris? Could it be that staying with her helps you avoid, allows you to pretend and be oblivious to deeper truths within your battered but still beating heart? Does she obscure the Buck shaped hole in your ticker?

Buck: Well, go to sleep. You don’t need to decide right now. It’s not like we’re going home anytime soon.

Buck is disappointed, exhausted, and frustrated and it has my dude slinging shade like morning hash. He’s like fine turn a blind eye, ignore your heart it’s cool *all the sarcasm* Then we get the reference to home and the fact that the two of them are far from it at this point and we all know how important home is as a Buddie theme. I wrote a little about it here.

Bonus: Eddie closed his eyes after Buck walked away, the he OPENED them again. He fully saw what Buck was saying. He can’t avoid the truth of his heart for much longer.

Y’all this has GOT to be the season that one or both of these idiots realize their feelings. Excuse me while I end.

[t-lostinworlds]

Not Going Anywhere (Tom Holland)

a/n: finally! lmao. gosh, i haven’t posted a fic in a while and im scared lol. also, i’m sorry for the lack of fics recently, i’ll try and be better with it. anyway, i’m not going to babble any more asdfghjkl hope you guys enjoy this one!

pairing: tom holland x actress!reader warnings: emotional scene, blood (fake), gun shots (kinda fake), character death (very fake lmao), lots of crying, and tom just being a wholesome boyfriend. word count: 7.5k+ requested:

first off, thank you angel! 💓 you’re too sweet omg 🥺 requests are a bit tricky for me ‘cause it depends if i get inspo or not but i did with this one haha so second, i’m so sorry this took soooo long. i hope i did it justice and that you like it love! 

masterlist on bio & pinned post

-:-:-:-:-

It was the last scene of the day but neither you nor Tom were too keen on it. Both of you read the script, of course you knew this was a long time coming. This scene has been sitting in the back of your heads from the moment you both decided to take on the roles but still, it never really does prepare you mentally no matter how much you try.

Death scenes are always tricky to shoot, depending on what the undertone is. It can be a slightly easy one, the death of an enemy in which you'd channel relief, pride, a sense of accomplishment—maybe even in a sadistic, evil sense, happiness and joy. Or it can go around the hard route, the death of someone you love. There are so many ways you could go about it, so many emotions you can tap into. You can have regret, guilt, hurt, sadness, anger, fear, loss, and the list goes on.

It would've been easier to act it out with a regular colleague or a friend, easier to separate from reality and to snap out of it when they call cut. It'd be less daunting if that was the case. But when it's done with someone who you love off screen, a person who you can't ever imagine a world without, to get your mind to a place where you'd have to picture losing them, then it gets even trickier, much, much harder.

Couples don't usually do movies together that often, it can become unprofessional as some would say, but that wasn't the case with you and Tom. Both of you have been praised so many times with your individual works as you two can stand alone and carry a role with nothing but award winning performances. But whenever you two share a screen together, then it's an even bigger force to be reckoned with.

It's always a director's dream to work with you individually and as a pair. You were a match made in heaven off and on screen, the one-take-wonder duo. You two just bounce off each other so well no matter the roles you play, may it be enemies, acquaintances, lovers, past lovers, co-workers, and so on. You two share a look and it all clicks, then everything just falls into place.

You two get it done right away in the right way.

You love working with Tom, love seeing him do his thing in the flesh and you enjoy watching all the breathtaking and raw performance he gives. Plus, you get to spend time with your man, a gift with how conflicting your schedules can get sometimes. Not to mention, you get to do what you love together, a fun time on set as you make the most out of it while staying at the top of your game, be each other's cheerleader while maintaining proper professionalism.

But when it's heavy and emotional scenes like this upcoming one, you do find yourself wishing that it wasn't with him.

"How do I look? Still gorgeous I hope," Tom joked the moment you entered the set, posing over dramatically with one hand on his head, the other on his jutted out hip and a duck face to match, sporting his dirt—with specks of blood—covered and torn outfit. What he wore was a white shirt, black pants, black boots and a gray coat combo. While you on the other hand, wore dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt, a gray zip up hoodie that was fully open and a black leather jacket over it.

On a normal day, his silliness would've made you roll your eyes with a laugh, but today, it didn't even manage to make you crack a smile. In fact, a frown made its way onto your lips at the sight of him all dirtied up, a purple bruise under his left eye, a couple gashes on his cheek and a cut on his bottom lip to complete his beat-up look.

"Stop trying to ruin my Zen," you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest with a pout on your lips. It was already dark inside your mind, emotions at the ready for when they call action. And seeing him be his dorky self, trying his best to make you laugh, just being the sweet boy who owns your heart, it wasn't at all helpful in a sense that with what's coming, it makes you think what life would be like if those adorable traits of his would become a memo—

"I'm not," Tom chuckled softly as he slowly made his way over to you. Once he reached a close proximity, his warm palm found its way to rest on your cheek. His touch was gentle, thumb caressing your skin comfortingly, a loving smile making its way onto his lip as he kept his gaze steady on your troubled face. "Just making sure you don't get too into your head, darling."

Tom's eyes held nothing but utter concern because he knows you like the back of his hand, knows how you work. With actors, it's always taxing mentally and emotionally when it comes to scenes like this, but with you, there's an added weight. Because, one, you always go that extra mile, to dig much deeper into your thoughts, to make your brain work harder at channeling emotions on command and in a quick switch. That's what made you known to be such an incredible actress, pure talent mixed with hard work of course.

And two, you were doing the scene with him, your real life lover. For you to see his face and watch him slowly wither away, Tom can't even stomach the thought of what you could possibly be feeling, what kind of thoughts were swimming inside your head. He can't even begin to imagine if it was the other way around. He absolutely admires your strength for holding it together because if it was him, he would've already been balling before he could even get out of his trailer.

With that said, Tom was worried to the bone. It always pains him to see the struggle you go through to get your mind there. He hates seeing you in a state that wasn't pure happiness, even if it was all acting.

"It's really hard not to," you whispered, flashing him a small smile as you leaned into his touch. Tom's heart broke at the soft shake in your voice, a sigh coming out of his lips as he moved closer to press it against your forehead. His strong arms found their way around your form to give you the warmest hug he can muster without getting all the dirt and the little bit of fake blood he had on him, on you.

"I know, angel, I know," he whispered against your skin, giving your waist a gentle and loving squeeze that made you close your eyes with a shaky breath.

Tom has had a fair share of tough, emotional scenes, of course he understood. Some of them were even done with you, though none were as tragic and heavy as to what lies ahead.

He knows how hard it is to not let those dark thoughts cloud most of your mind. He's been guilty of failing at it a couple of times. Some scenes just affected him in real life before he could stop it. Tom so badly didn't want you to experience the same. He doesn't want you to go far too deep for the sake of your mental state, especially with how much worse this scene is going to be compared to previous stuff you've done. But there's not much he can do other than to be there for you to help you get through it and to make sure to snap you out of it before it gets way out of hand.

"You two ready to go?" Jessica, the director, interrupted with a sympathetic smile. You unwillingly broke away from Tom's embrace to give her a small nod.

"Don't think I'll ever be ready but let's get this over and done with," you breathed out. She watched the two of you for a moment, the gloominess in the atmosphere too obvious for anyone to miss. It's always like that with emotional scenes, the set catered to help the actors be in the zone, but it's a lot heavier this time around. When it's a real life couple, the difference is huge.

With a soft, understanding smile, she reached over to you and gave your shoulder a squeeze. "Two more minutes and then we start." Jessica nodded at the both of you curtly. You and Tom flashed her grateful smiles to which she gladly returned.

Once she walked away, Tom's gaze landed back on you, slight dread and concern glowing in his eyes but a reassuring grin played on his lips. He was trying his best to stay calm about it, even though he wasn't looking forward to it as well. He just didn't want to add more to your already worrying mind by looking too frantic with his concern.

"Come here and give me one last kiss."

"Don't say it like that," you groaned, squeezing your eyes shut as his choice of words weren't exactly the best.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that, darling," Tom rushed once he realized how it sounded like, rubbing your arms comfortingly and giving it a gentle squeeze, silently urging you to look at him. Once you opened your eyes and met his gaze again, he tilted his head to the side with an adorable pout. "Can I have a kiss? Pwetty please?"

You shook your head at your man with a sigh, the corners of your lips lifting just a little as you met him halfway for a short but sweet, loving kiss.

"You've got this, okay?" he whispered once you pulled away, his breath hot against your lips as the tip of his nose nudged yours tenderly. You flashed him a small yet thankful smile, nodding in response before leaning close again to give him a quick peck.

"Places you two!" Jessica called out.

Tom's hands found yours, his fingers delicate as he lifted them up to his lips, a kiss on each of your knuckles and another reassuring squeeze before he lets you go.

You treaded your way towards your first marker, Tom's just a couple feet behind you. You looked over your shoulder in hopes to find his eyes before everything starts, a wash of relief coating your body once you saw that it was already set on you. You two shared a look, Tom flashing you one of his many charming grins—one that you adore so much—in reassurance, throwing in a thumbs up as he put his right foot forward. You did just the same, only breaking his gaze when you felt someone tap you on the shoulder.

You turned to one of the crew who handed you a Glock filled with blanks, a soft thanks escaping your lips followed by a deep intake of breath. You closed your eyes before exhaling slowly, clenching and unclenching your fist around the gun as you slowly slipped into character.

The two of you were undercover agents, partners turned recent lovers to be specific. The start of the scene was that you've just managed to get Tom out from his unfortunate capture, the abandoned warehouse where he was kept and you just escaped from, situated behind. You've managed to take out all the guys in the warehouse together but you have no idea if someone had called in backup so it was needed and safer to get as far away from the place as soon as possible. Hence why you two are going to be running from point A to B. But once you reach point B, then the scene happens.

"Ready and action!"

You took on a sprint, chest heaving as you kept looking back to make sure Tom was following. He was running just loosely behind you, a slight limp in his movements given that he isn't in the best of conditions due to the kidnapping.

"Come on!" You slowed down a little to wait for him, offering out a hand for him to take. He was so close to reaching it when his gaze shifted from your hand to somewhere behind you, eyes widening at the sight.

"Look out!" Tom exclaimed, hand quick to grab your outstretched one to pull you into his body. Both his arms wrapped around you tightly as he turned around in one swift motion so that your places were now switched. Then you heard five deafening gun shots, Tom's body jerking the same number of times before he slowly leaned forwards, his body getting heavier as his weight slowly rested more on you.

"No!" you shrieked, one hand wrapping around his torso as you lifted the other one hurriedly to aim your gun at the armed person behind him, pulling the trigger a couple of times to let loose of the blanks. You heard a thud next, an indication that the person has been taken care of.

Tom's whole body slumped, you struggling to hold his weight as he gradually slipped from your grasp, your heart beating rapidly against your chest when you felt something damp coat your fingers that were rested on his back. Your gaze landed on his face with wide eyes, calling out his character's name a few times as you tried your best to let him down on the pavement as gently as you can manage.

Tears welled up in your orbs, your throat closing up as you kneeled beside his body, anxiously checking to see what was wrong even though you already knew that everything was wrong. You took off your jacket hurriedly, bunching it up and placing it under his head for support. A sharp pain squeezed at your heart at the sight of him struggling to breathe, coughing out blood while he willed his eyes to stay open, his white shirt slowly turning crimson.

"No, no, no," you croaked, letting go of the gun to cup his face, fingers trembling as you tried to keep his head steady. Frantically, you reached into your pocket with your free, blood-covered, shaking hand, taking out the phone and hastily dialed zero to send out a distress signal.

Tom lets out a groan laced with pain as his eyes scanned your face, muttering out your character's name to get your attention, voice barely audible.

"Yeah, I'm here, I'm right here," you whispered as you met his brown orbs, a soft smile on your lips as you dropped the phone so you can tend to him with both hands. You brushed away the hair that managed to stick on his sweat-littered forehead, his blood from your hand tainting his crown, not the best of sights to see.

Tom's eyes started to gloss up as he kept letting out ragged breaths. You let out a broken sob as the heartrending sound filled up your ears, squeezing agonizingly at each vein in your heart. "S-Stay with me, please," you stammered, his skin turning a bit colder against your warm palm, your breathing turning shallow as you struggled to keep your own self together.

"Help! Please help!" you wailed, looking around the empty place frantically before your gaze landed back on the man in your arms, life slowly slipping from his grasp. "You're going to be okay," you repeated over and over, unsure if the words were said to reassure him or yourself.

The feeling of your jeans getting wet at the knees from the blood that pooled on the ground made you let out a broken cry of despair, eyes scanning his body for only a moment, the sight of red making you want to hurl. And you were too scared to look away from his eyes for far too long, scared that things will take a drastic turn in a split second.

Slowly, weakly, Tom lifted a hand up to cup your damp cheek, thumb caressing your skin as a small, tired smile made its way onto his lips. This made you cry even harder, your nimble fingers curling around his wrist, turning your head slightly for a second to give his palm a warm kiss.

"R-Remember when I-I said I'd t-take a bullet for y-you?" he sputtered, though the smile on his lips was still there, charming as always, his thumb capturing the tear that escaped your eye before it could have the chance to land on your skin.

You bit your bottom lip to suppress a whimper, shaking your head at his ability to make light of the situation. You let out a shaky breath. "I do, I remember. To prove how much I mean to you even when it's not necessary."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, running his thumb over your cheek, a few tears escaping his eyes as he scanned your gorgeous face distorted in utter distress, as he stared at the pain that glowed inside your beautiful orbs.

"N-No, there's nothing to apologize," you breathed out, your thumb grazing the apples of his cheeks as you stared right into those brown eyes you've grown to adore and more. "You saved me," you sobbed, flashing him a small smile laced with gratitude. "You saved me."

Tom nodded slowly with a hum, eyes staring right back at yours with the utmost adoration coating them, although in a few short seconds, it was quick to be replaced by worry. "You n-need to g-go," he hissed in pain, his hand grabbing your wrist to try and pry you away from him. It still wasn't safe to stay and he wanted nothing more than for you to be as far from harm, well and alive.

"No! I'm not leaving you here," you protested, a sob tied at the end of your sentence as you took his hand and placed it back on your cheek. And he held it there, channeling all the strength he had left for him to feel your skin for a couple moments more. "Help is on the way just, s-stay with me," you croaked.

Tom's breathing started to turn labored, his head falling back gradually as there was not much strength left for him to keep it still. "Hey! h-hey, look at me," you rushed, command in your tone as you went to hold his face with both hands, keeping his head steady only to see that his eyes were slowly fluttering close. "Keep those eyes open! Keep those eyes open," you said through gritted teeth, your man listening to your voice that was filled with desperation as he met your gaze again.

"P-Promise me—" Tom interrupted himself with a cough of blood, letting out a soft groan before his eyes were back on yours. "Promise me, y-you'll find h-happiness."

"N-no, don't say that, you're going to be okay." You shook your head desperately with a whimper.

"Promise me," he repeated, voice firmer this time.

Your bottom lip trembled. "I promise, just h-hold on, p-please," you choked. "Somebody! Please h-help! Please!" you yelled at the top of your lungs, urgently looking towards nothing, a sob following suit as your voice broke, hope slowly leaving you.

"H-hey, sweetheart, l-look at me," Tom called out as he tapped your cheek weakly. A whimper escaped your lips as you met his gaze once again, the emotion that shined in them so clear as day. He knows that it was time, and the certain look he was giving you made you understood. Although, you still shook your head in pure denial, muttering protests after protests under your breath as you gave his hand that rested on your cheek a tight squeeze while you kept the other steady on his face, horrified to let go even for a split second for he might be gone when you do.

"I love you," Tom breathed out, voice soft but the truth loud and clear. It was the first time he had uttered those three words, and you so wished it was done in a much, much more different circumstance. You leaned down to swiftly capture his lips in a bitter-sweet kiss, a sigh coming out of him only to be mirrored by a soft cry from you.

"I love you too, oh so much," you whispered to no one but him and him only, pulling away to meet his eyes, a certain glow now coating them at the sound of those lovely words filling up his ears. A satisfied smile made its way onto Tom's lips, his eyes locked with yours, glowing with utmost love.

But as Tom took in one deep, sharp breath, you held yours, only letting it out in a form of an excruciating sob once he completely stilled in your arms. His hand slowly slipped away from your face until it fell limp on his side, his chest laying flat, no more sign of any movement.

"No, no, no," you cried, tapping his cheek to get him to move again but to no avail. You shook your head frantically, your tears blurring your vision some more, heart in your throat as the droplets coated his face at a faster pace. "No! P-Please!" you screamed, cupping his face with trembling hands, letting go for a moment to hold his shoulder, shaking him harder in utter anguish. "C-Come back! P-Please! Come back to m-me." Your fingers found its way back to rest on his cheeks as you choked in short breaths, his eyes wide open but already dimmed, those bright, brown beautiful eyes somewhat turned gray.

"Don't leave me please," You croaked out, voice now hoarse from all the crying you've done. "I can't live without you. Please, come back to me," you whispered one last time, taking a few seconds more to stare at his face, looking at him as a flicker of hope coated your eyes for a split second before it completely died out. You dropped your head onto his chest and let out deep, broken sobs, choking in sharp breaths in between each sound that only made things more heart wrenching to hear.

It was so hard for Tom to keep his own tears at bay, a stinging, horrible feeling gripping at his chest as you cried your heart out. To watch the absolute hurt across your beautiful features, the desperation on trying to "bring him back" was too much of a painful sight to see. If he had a choice he would've opted on closing his eyes, but Jessica had specific instructions to keep them open, to make it more realistic, more effective in a sense that it would pull at the viewer's heartstrings a bit more.

But my God it was so hard to watch you be in so much pain and lay completely still, the heartbreaking sound of your sobs, the way you begged, it was absolute torture, especially when he can't do anything about it just yet. And the way your touch was frantic, desperate, it was hurting his heart harshly, agonizingly and he so badly wanted it to end because he can't take any more of just watching you go through so much pain. But most especially, he wanted it to end for your sake.

At the sound of your own cries, lungs burning with your head pounding, ears ringing, chest too tight and filled with utmost pain, you didn't even notice Jessica call out cut. The moment you knew it was all done was when you felt strong arms wrapping around your form that was still shaking with sobs.

"Hey, hey it's okay, it's over darling," Tom rushed as he sat up quickly, prying you away gently so you could meet his eyes. It broke his heart to pieces when he saw the hurt that still coated your orbs, though he was glad to see the relief slowly seeping back in once you blinked away the tears. You finally snapped out of it once you were able to take a good look at him, your bottom lip trembling as you tilted your head to the side, as if to examine if he was actually real. "I'm okay, see?" Tom hummed, voice gentle as he took both your hands and placed one on each of his cheeks, his skin warm against your touch. "I'm here my love."

All you could do was nod with a breath of relief, body falling forwards so you could sink into his arms, not a care in the world about the fake blood that drenched him. You just needed to be close to him.

Tom sighed as he pulled you tighter in his embrace, pressing his warm lip against your crown in the process. "Breath my darling angel, it's over," he murmured, followed by sweet nothings as his hand ran up and down your back comfortingly, your breathing slowly growing calmer at the tender sound of his voice.

You stayed like that on the ground for a minute, Tom only pulling away slightly when he heard footsteps approaching. "Do we need another take?" he asked dreadfully as he saw Jessica make her way over. He desperately didn't want you to go through that all again but it was out of his control. And if another take was needed, he's going to have to ask for an hour break, for your sake.

You lifted your head up just in time to see Jessica shake her head no, gesturing towards the both of you as satisfaction coated her face. "It's already the best for me. I mean, they call you two the one-take-wonder duo for a reason. And I've got tears in the crews' eyes to further prove my point." With a knowing look, she added, "But you two can watch it back if you like."

Tom turned to you, hand going up to wipe the couple more tears that littered your skin, touch sweet and reassuring. "Do you want to?" he asked softly.

You gave out a small nod. "Yeah, maybe I can do things better," you sniffled.

Tom scoffed loudly at that, gawking at you with wide eyes, taking full offence of your own words for you. "Are you kidding me? That was already amazing," he stressed. "Quit being so overly critical of yourself, darling," he added, taking both your hands in his comfortingly.

"Thank you bubba," you whispered, looking at him with an adorable pout, eyes glowing with the utmost gratitude that Tom felt his heart melt ten times over, especially with the nickname.

He flashed you a bright smile. "Now, let's get you off this wet floor." And that he did as he helped you up, pulling you in for another warm hug once you've got your feet under you.

Crew members quickly crowded you both as they helped you out of the now wet hoodie and coat, giving you each some water and two big, black warm jackets to compensate for the cold. You and Tom then made your way over to the director's chair right after.

You now stood beside Tom in front of the monitor as they started to play the clip back. Both your arms were fully wrapped around him, cheek pressed up against his chest as he slung his arm over your shoulder. His heart was turning soft at how adorable you were being, although he felt a sense of worry as well, since it seemed like you were scared to be too far away from him.

Even when they were fussing around the two of you, he saw how you kept giving him a glance, like you were scared to let him out of your sight. And once they were done, you were quick to grab his hand, as if you didn't want to feel the absence of his touch for far too long. So, he made sure to keep you as close as he can, giving you random kisses and squeezes in comfort from time to time, to reassure your mind that he was, in fact, here.

"Whew, look at you go," Tom praised, staring in pure awe at the monitor as he rewatched your performance, giving your arm a loving squeeze with a kiss on the forehead to match. "You make me look so talentless, love."

"Shut up," you said in pure disagreement given that his performance was breathtaking just as always. He did make things more real, made it hurt even more the way he portrayed dying so well. Your own performance improved because of his. As said in the beginning, you two just bounce off each other so well.

You peeked at the monitor for only short moments as you can't bear to watch it back fully, snuggling into him every once in a while with your eyes fluttering close. Tom was quick to notice this, giving you another peck on the forehead to remind you that it was okay, that things were alright. You hummed at his sweet gesture, squeezing his torso lovingly in return.

"Damn," Tom gushed once the clip ended, wiping away the stray tear that slipped with the back of his hand before turning to you with nothing but utter pride in his eyes. "And the Oscar goes to..."

"Stop," you whined, burying your face on his chest shyly, prompting a hearty chuckle from him.

"One-take-wonder duo I tell you," Jessica admired, giving you both claps on the back before she lifted up her megaphone. "That's a wrap everyone!"

Loud cheers and applause filled the air, Tom giving you a tight, warm hug as you both slowly relaxed in each other's embrace, glad that the day was almost over. You then made your way to where your teams were sat. Both of you were quick to notice how most of them were smiling proudly at the two of you with a bit of shine in their eyes.

"Harry," Tom gasped as soon as his brother came into view, Harry's face red with a faint sniffle coming out of him. "Were you crying?"

"No," the young lad grumbled, turning away in hopes to hide the way he wiped his face but still failing miserably.

"Oh Harry come here," Tom lets go of you for a moment to tackle his brother in a bear hug, making smooching noises as the older sibling tried to give the other a kiss on the cheek, Harry squirming like his life depended on it. You couldn't help the soft laugh from escaping your lips at the sight of the two boys, Tom's head perking up at the sound, a bit of relief coating his features as he tilted his head at you with a smile of his own.

"Get off you div," Harry groaned, pushing Tom away playfully, the older lad laughing before pulling away from him. "It's not my fault you two made it look so real. I genuinely thought Tom died for a second."

"Aw, thanks bro—"

"Correction, Y/N made it so real. The moment you started crying," Harry paused, blowing out his cheeks with a shake of his head, turning to you with both hands up in surrender. "I went."

"Thank you Harry." You shot the young lad a tired but grateful smile, giving him a quick but lovely hug.

"I'll let that pass for now because I do agree," Tom said, shooting his brother a playful glare before he made his way back to you, arms taking home around your waist as he looked at you adoringly. "You were incredible my love."

You smiled at him, leaning closer so you could give him a sweet kiss, just to show more of your gratitude. Tom hummed in pure satisfaction against your lips, giving your waist a tender squeeze before pulling away.

"Let's wrap up the day shall we?"

With that, the two of you made your way over to the wardrobe trailers to get out of the dirty work clothes and into comfier ones. Once out of the trailer, you now wore a pair of black leggings and Tom's pink hoodie to which he insisted on letting you wear over your tank top, given that it was starting to get colder out. He, on the other hand, wore his black sweatpants and a tight maroon t-shirt, handsome as ever but the make up on his face—the bruises, cuts, fake blood—were a bit of a distraction, feeding more thoughts to your still troubled mind.

"Come here, love." Tom beckoned you over once he noticed how you stared at him with a certain look in your eyes and a matching frown. His warm hands found yours, pulling you closer to him so he can give you loving kisses all over your face, all sloppy, loud and sweet. He only stopped when he was satisfied with the little giggles that escaped your lips. "Stop thinking too much, darling."

You flashed him a smile, nodding to say that you understood. "Are you not cold?" you asked in concern, slight guilt swimming in your orbs given that you somewhat stole his hoodie. Tom chuckled with a shake of his head, slinging his arm over your shoulder to pull you closer to his side as you then made your way to the make-up trailers.

"As long you're here beside me? My human heater? Never."

***

It was finally time to get back to the hotel.

You and Tom sat at the very back of the van, your head rested on his shoulder while his head rested atop of yours. You've been nothing but silent the whole ride, Tom not pestering you much because he knows you were drained to the bone. He just gave you occasional squeezes on the thigh, his fingers sometimes drumming some random beat just to distract you a little for what was going on inside your mind.

The moment your shared hotel room door closed, lock clicking in the process, Tom dropped your bags on the floor with the loudest sigh of relief.

"Shower together?" Tom offered with a wriggle of his brows, jokingly of course as there was no malice in his intent. You both were too tired for it, a simple shower would suffice.

A sweet smile made its way onto your lips as you nodded, taking up on his offer.

Tom moved over to you to give you a short kiss, mumbling a 'wait here' against your lips before pulling away and disappearing into the bathroom. He came back out not long after sporting nothing but his black boxers, beckoning you over with an open palm to which you gladly took. Hot steam met your skin as you stepped inside the en suite, Tom stopping by the sink as he turned to face you.

"Arms up," he said, your brows furrowing in confusion but you did as told anyway. Once you have both hands in the air, Tom took hold of the hem of your—his—hoodie and lifted it up your body, a pout making its way onto your lips once it was off. He gave your jutted out lip a peck, chuckling at the slight confusion on your face before he went to take your tank top off next.

"I'm not a baby anymore Tom. And I didn't lose any limbs," you pointed out with a soft giggle, top-half now naked in front of him

"Says who? As far as I know, you're still my baby." He shrugged, hooking his fingers on the hem of your leggings and pulling them down—along with your underwear—until he was squatted on the floor. He tapped your thigh lightly, silently telling you to lift each leg up one by one so he can take off the fabric fully. Now, you were left completely bare for him. You looked down at your man and shot him a pointed look, Tom meeting your gaze through his eyelashes as he lets out a sweet chuckle.

"Just let me take care of you love, you've had a long day," he hummed, giving each of your thighs a chaste kiss before he stood back up to his full height. He just wanted to let other things occupy your mind instead, didn't want you to sit too long and think about the scene you just did. Plus, he really did want to just take care of you, to show you the utmost love and affection as you deserve nothing but all and more, especially after today.

Another sweet kiss landed on your lips before he got rid of his boxers next, taking your hand soon after as he guided you inside the glass shower box, pulling you right under the hot water. And take care of you was exactly what he did as he helped you wash up as well. You've told him a couple of times how he was being a bit much, especially when he stole the loofa off your hands to do it himself, shampooed and conditioned your hair. But he simply repeated the same thing over and over:

"Just let me take care of you."

A few more giggles and chuckles with a couple sprinkles of making-out later, you two got out of the shower and dried up. Then after that, Tom gave you one of his shirts to wear—paired with only your panties—and helped you blow dry your hair so you could take a quick nap, an easy breezy task for him since it was not the first time. He's done it before on various occasions.

Once you were soundlessly asleep—after a few more kisses from him as he tucked you in because yes, your boyfriend is extra—Tom took it upon himself to order in some food, that way you'd have something to eat when you wake up, knowing that you probably wouldn't want to go anywhere to have a meal. He sent Harry a text in the process saying that the two of you would be staying in for the night in case the team wanted to go out for dinner.

In his gray sweats and white t-shirt, Tom sat down on the couch right by the window near your side of the bed, pulling out his computer to get a bit of work done while he waits. He didn't want to risk waking you up by slipping in beside you, didn't want to disturb your blissful sleep.

He kept giving you glances from time to time, just to check up on you, his heart growing bigger whenever he does so. Warmth just spreads across his chest each time he sees your beautiful face with nothing but slumber and peace coating your features.

The food arrived about thirty minutes later, Tom setting his laptop down to open the door, room service strolling in with fresh and hot food. He closed the door after he tipped the guy generously, walking over to the table to take some chips off the plate, humming at the wonderful taste.

Opting on letting you sleep for a couple minutes more, Tom went back over to the couch. But just as he was about to sit back down, he heard you let out a troubled groan in your sleep. Surely enough when his gaze landed on you, your face was now contorted in pure distress, brows knitted together as you shifted on the bed, one hand desperately clinging on the pillow while the other on the white sheets.

"Tom!" you yelped and bolted straight up, eyes frantic and chest heaving as you looked around the room for him.

"Hey! Hey." Tom was by your side in an instant, the bed dipping as he sat down, his hands cupping your face gently to make you look at him straight in the eyes. "Darling, hi, I'm here," he whispered with a sweet smile, heart aching at the sight of fear and the fresh sets of tears that now coated your eyes.

Your bottom lip trembled as you stared at him for a couple seconds, moving closer towards him so you could bury yourself in his arms. "I'm sorry," you mumbled against his chest, both your arms wrapping around his torso as you let out uneven, shaky breaths.

"Nothing to apologise for angel. It was just a nightmare," he murmured, rubbing your back sweetly as he swayed you side to side. "It's okay, you're okay." He held you like that for as long as you needed, whispering sweet nothings into your ear in hopes that it'll help you calm down. Tom only loosened his hold around when you softly pulled away, breathing now calmer, sniffling close to none.

"Want to watch a movie while we eat? The chips are really good," he said, both hands now holding your face, thumbs caressing your cheeks tenderly as he wiped away the little tears that sat on your skin. "Spider-Man: Far From Home so we can nitpick and criticize my performance together?" he added jokingly, earning a soft giggle from you as you nodded.

With half of the food gone, you were well into fifteen minutes of the movie. There were a couple of pauses done of course. Now you were snuggled up cozily beside him, your head on his chest as he rested his back against the stacked pillows. He had one arm over your shoulder to keep you close, fingers grazing up and down your arm soothingly while his eyes were set on the screen in front, his warmth comforting you in more ways than one.

The whole pole sequence in Venice was when he felt you start to shift in his arms, a shaky breath coming out of you when you saw him hit that wall as he got drenched in water. And then you spoke,

"Tom, what if—"

"Stop it right now and don't even finish your sentence," he scolded, already knowing where you were going with this. You pulled away from his embrace and sat up straighter just so you could have a full look at him, a deep frown already on your lips.

"You do your own stunts," was all that you said, but Tom already knew what you meant by it, didn't need you to explain further.

With a sigh, he sat up as well, touch tender as he ran it up and down your arms. "Darling, I am being careful with the stunts, you know that. And when it's something too dangerous, you also know that I refuse to do it," he said. "Plus, you're right there to stop me when I'm pushing myself too hard. You're looking out for me too, my love."

Even though you gave him a nod, Tom saw how that still didn't ease your mind, saw it clear in your eyes. He couldn't blame you either knowing how that scene made you think the worse of thoughts. He understood you completely, knowing that if the roles were switched, he would be behaving just the same if not much worse with how overprotective he is of you. He'd probably wrap you in a bubble to be honest, to make sure you're as far away from harm as possible and that nothing was going to happen to you.

"Come here," he hummed, taking your hands and pulling you close until you were straddling his lap, giving your fingers warm kisses before he placed them, flat against his cheeks. Tom's warm palms found their way under his shirt that you wore, settling his hands right on your waist, his thumb running over the swell of your belly fondly, skin touching skin, makes you feel much closer to him.

Tom gaped up at you with nothing but absolute love in his eyes, a glow that's made your heart grow warmer, a look that's added more sincerity to his words. "Nothing's going to happen to me okay? You're going to be stuck with this very handsome face for a long, long time."

You giggled at that, dipping your head so you could capture his lips in a kiss filled with the rawest of emotions from gratitude, happiness, adoration, passion, love. Tom didn't need words for him to know that you were thankful for him, that you were so happy to have him in your life, he can already feel it. Your actions will always speak louder volumes, justifying all the emotions you needed to get across that simple words never could.

With a satisfied groan, Tom pulled you even closer, his hands snaking up your bare back, your shirt hiking up at his action. He felt up your warm skin deliberately, touch driven with passion as he nibbled on your bottom lip, wanting to taste more of you. You happily obliged with a soft moan, your fingers treading through his slightly damp curls as you welcomed him in. And Tom made his presence known through his touch, to remind you that he is here with you, that he will always be here, and that he is—

"Not going anywhere."

-:-:-:-:-

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[nowandajenn]

Can i ask for a fic wich chris and reader had a fight and broke up and chris really want to take her back but can't find her because she was mad and change her adress and number but he didn't give up and finally find her but also find out that she has their new born Triplet ?!

So I’m finally just now getting around to writing this, and I apologize for it taking so long to get done! I did decide to make it twins instead of triplets, because triplets is a fucking lot lol. I hope you still enjoy it!

Not proofread. All mistakes are my own. 

It had taken months to find you. After the break up, you had essentially become a ghost. You changed your phone number, you moved, and it seemed like nobody knew where you had gone, and the ones that did know sure as hell weren’t about to tell him how to find you. He had been a complete idiot; going to lunch with Jenny and spending time with her while he had a girl that he was slowly falling in love with waiting for him. They had such a strong history together though, and so many memories shared together, that he couldn’t seem to just walk away from it all. 

Of course, they had been snapped out at a restaurant together, talking and laughing, and it wasn’t long until the pictures hit the internet and your friends and family had been blowing up your phone, asking what the hell was going on. Your relationship with Chris was still fairly new, as you’d only been seeing each other for about eight months or so, and you were trying to enjoy just being with Chris and being happy while also worrying that you were a rebound for him after he and his ex had broken up a second time.

Chris had come home later that evening with flowers for you, only to find you going around the house packing up all of the stuff that you had kept there. He had recently been bringing up you moving in with him since you spent most of your time there anyway, but you felt like it was too soon, and you didn’t know if he was quite as ready for that step as he said he was. Now you were really glad that you had held off. 

The two of you had stood there and fought and argued, you telling him that you deserved more than to just be a rebound to try and help him get over the girl who he once claimed was “the love of his life” and you weren’t going to stick around if he was going to go behind your back and spend time with her and try and rekindle things for a third time. You told him that he was an idiot to think that the third time would be the charm when it hadn’t worked out the first two times they’d been together. He tried to explain that even though they had broken up, he still cared about her and just because they spent time together didn’t mean that they were getting back together. He told you that you absolutely were not a rebound, and he was falling in love with you, but you weren’t hearing it. You had picked up your duffel bag, and with a kiss to his cheek and hugging Dodger around the neck and stifling a small sob into his fur, you had walked out of his life. 

It didn’t take long to see what a huge idiot he had been, and how wrong he had been to see Jenny and not tell you about it or have any sort of conversation about it. He hated that you had been blindsided, and he hated that he made you feel like he was using you as a distraction or something to fill the void left after Jenny left. He tried to text you and call you, but all the texts were left on “delivered” and you would reject his calls, until one day he tried calling you and a stranger answered and told Chris that he had the wrong number. He finally psyched himself up enough to try and swing by your apartment to see if you would at least see him and let him try and apologize, but when he showed up, your apartment was empty and the landlord said that you had moved out and hadn’t left a forwarding address. He was heartbroken. He had tried talking to your friends, but they were unfailingly loyal to you, and wouldn’t tell him anything. 

It had taken just over seven months, and a lot of failed tries, but he finally had an address in his hand. It was in Chicago, where you had grown up, and he had booked the first flight that he could. He wasn’t sure if you would slam the door in his face or punch him or even open the door to him, but he had to try. If he didn’t, he knew he’d regret it. 

Chris takes a deep breath and knocks on the door, nerves suddenly overtaking him and making his stomach turn itself into knots. After a few seconds, he knocks again and hears a male voice yell “Coming!” His heart drops, immediately assuming that you had moved on from him and he lost his shot. 

The door swings open, and he’s surprised to see an older man, probably in his mid 50s, standing in the doorway. 

“Can I help you?” 

“Uh.....sorry, I think I have the wrong address. I was looking for y/n y/l/n. I’m Chris.” 

The man steps forward onto the porch, making Chris fall back a couple steps. 

“Oh, I know exactly who you are. You’re the one my daughter wouldn’t shut up about for a few months, and then never wanted to speak about again.”

Chris swallows hard, his mouth dry as the desert and feeling a little scared, because  your dad looks kind of mean and like he could lay him out if he wanted to. Your dad turns around and walks back into the house, slamming the door behind him. 

He exhales hard and turns around to walk back to his rental car. 

“That went about as well as I thought it would.” he mutters to himself. 

He’s halfway back to the car when he hears your front door open. He looks up and his breath catches when he sees you standing there, your arms crossed over your chest. You’re wearing a pair of jean shorts that show off your legs and a baggy Tshirt, your hair thrown up in a messy bun. You look like you’ve gained a little bit of weight since the last time he saw you, but it looks good on you. 

“Hey.” he breathes out. 

Your jaw clenches. “How did you find me?”

“Well, you didn’t make it easy. I had Josh track you down. It took a lot longer than I wanted it to. I would have been here about seven months ago if I had known where you were, but nobody would tell me.” 

You scoff. “Yet here you are. Because Chris Evans just doesn’t know when to give up.” 

He winces slightly, knowing that you’re not just referring to his search for you, but the whole thing with Jenny that caused your breakup. 

You both stand there in silence for a few minutes, unsure what to do next, when you breathe out a heavy sigh and wave your arm towards the house, gesturing for him to come in. 

“Come on. We have a lot to talk about.” you tell him.

Your dad shoots him a glare as you lead him into the house, and he swallows hard and follows you into the kitchen, taking your offer of a bottle of water and sitting at the table with you. He’s so focused on you that he doesn’t really take in his surroundings. If he did, what comes out of your mouth wouldn’t have almost shocked him into a heart attack. 

“I tried calling you a couple times over the past few months, but every time I did, I got your assistant, or a P.A. or someone else. I left a message with my number with someone, but I’m assuming that you never got it, or you just didn’t care.”

He shakes his head almost violently. “I never got it. I don’t know who you gave it to, but it never got back to me.” 

You lean back in your chair and take a deep breath. 

“About a month after we broke up, I found out I was pregnant.”

Chris is pretty sure his heart stops beating for a few seconds, and then he realizes that he’s holding his breath. He lets it out in a deep exhale and his heart starts hammering in his rib cage. 

“You.....we.......what?” he gasps.  

“The doctor said I was 7 or 8 weeks at the time. I......I was due to get another shot but I had been so busy that I forgot about it, and.....well. At first, I wasn’t sure I was even going to keep the baby, honestly. We had just broken up and I didn’t know if you even wanted kids right now, or with me, and it took me a while to come to terms with everything. I tried calling you once I decided that I was going to keep it. I knew you had a right to know, even though I was pissed at you and hurt.”

I look over and Chris is just staring at me, gaping like a fish. 

“So....you had a.....we have a.....” he takes a deep breath. “We have a baby?”

“Uh, well......I guess you must have some really strong sperm because we kind of.....have two.” 

Chris looks like he’s about to pass out, and I shove his bottle of water towards him and he drains the rest of it in one go. 

“Look, I don’t need anything from you. We’ll be okay. We’ve been staying here with my dad and he’s been helping out, and I’m getting help from the state. We never talked about having kids, and I know that this is just being dropped on you out of nowhere. If you want a paternity test, we can go today if you want. I’m not trying to trap you into anything or trick you. You have your own life and you’re.....well, you’re you. And I’m nobody. Nobody outside of your family and close friends even knew we were together.”

I know I’m rambling, but I’m nervous and I know I should just stop and let things sink in. We sit there in silence for a while, and I can tell that Chris’ brain is working to try and digest all of the new information and the fact that he’s a father twice over now. I need to do something to keep myself busy, because I can’t keep just sitting there in silence, so I go over to the sink and start washing dishes. 

Chris gets snapped out of his reverie when he hears a sharp cry ring out. He looks around wildly before realizing that it’s coming from a baby monitor on the kitchen counter. You drop the dish your holding in the soapy water and wipe your hands on a dish towel before turning and running upstairs. 

Chris isn’t even really sure he realizes that his feet are even moving before he finds himself upstairs in the doorway of the nursery. He stands there, feeling like his head is disconnected from the rest of his body, watching as you lean over the crib and lift out an impossibly tiny baby who can’t be more than a month old. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. You’re okay.” you whisper, holding the baby against your chest. You turn around and see Chris standing there in the doorway, still looking shocked out of his skin. 

“Come here.” you say softly, beckoning him over. 

He walks over to the crib slowly, his eyes on the infant in your arms and then on the one still sleeping. 

“This is Steven Lucas Evans” you say softly, kissing the baby you’re holding on the forehead, “and that is Christopher Michael Evans.” 

Tears immediately fill his eyes and he inhales deeply, his breath stuttering. 

“How old are they?” 

“Three weeks and two days.” you tell him. 

Chris can’t keep his eyes from drifting in between his two sons, and not wanting to be left out, his namesake wakes up and starts making soft little noises. 

“Go ahead. Pick him up.” you tell him softly. 

“Yeah?” he asks. 

You nod. 

Chris leans over the crib and gently lifts Christopher out, holding him gently against his chest. He’s soft and perfect and has that amazing baby smell that drives people nuts, and Chris feels like his heart is about to explode. He walks a few steps over to you and gazes down at his other son, taking note of both babies’ bright blue eyes. 

“How can you love someone so much you’ve just met?” he breathes. 

You give a small, watery laugh. “I ask myself that every day.” 

Watching Chris with his baby sons is everything you didn’t know you needed. You told yourself that even if Chris didn’t want to be involved, you would get through it and you would be fine. But seeing him sitting in the cushy armchair in the nursery with a baby in each arm is more than you could have hoped for. 

“Tell me about when they were born.” Chris pleads. 

“I went into labor on the 23rd of last month, but they weren’t born until about 6pm the next night. I was in labor for about 20 hours. The doctor wanted to go in and get them, but I knew they’d come on their own time. Christopher was born first, and then 15 minutes later, Stevie showed up. He was screaming before he was even fully out.” 

He squeezes his eyes shut. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I wish I could have seen it.” 

“You still can.” 

You pull up a few videos on your phone from different stages of your labor, and one of Christopher being born and then Steven coming along. Tears are running down Chris’ face as he watches, and he’s laughing and crying at the same time, completely overwhelmed with emotion. You flip through a ton of pictures on your phone of you through the pregnancy, and then of labor, and the first pictures of you and the babies. 

“Can you sent these to me? Just....everything you have?” he asks. 

“Yeah. Not a problem.” 

After making bottles and feeding one while Chris feeds the other, a double diaper change, and laying them back down in the crib, you both sit back down. 

“You didn’t get two cribs?” Chris asks. 

“No. I couldn’t really afford two, and when we were in the hospital, they would cry if they weren’t near each other, so the nurses just put them both in the same bassinet and they would calm down. So it all worked out.” I tell him. 

“Come back to Massachusetts with me.” he blurts out. 

He says it so suddenly and with such conviction that I’m speechless for a minute. 

“Chris.....” 

“No, just please.....I love you. I love you and I was an idiot and you had every right to leave me. But being without you has been hell, and I don’t want to be without you. And I can’t go back and not have you or them there with me. I want to be there for everything. I want to see everything. I won’t let you do everything on your own. You don’t have to struggle and get state aid. You can move in with me, or I can get you an apartment close by........just......please come home with me.” 

“Chris, slow down. Listen, you’re their father. You can have as much access to them as you want. I’m not going to take them away from you or keep you from seeing them. That’s the last thing I want. But moving back to Boston......I don’t even have a job right now. I’ve been doing freelance articles for the last few months to get by. And we have all this stuff....and there’s furniture and......” 

“You can write from anywhere. You’re so talented; you’ll find a job in no time. I promise. Until then, I can take care of you guys. That’s my job now. As for all the stuff, I can get a UHaul trailer and we can drive back. Or I’ll get a moving company to move it and we can fly back. It doesn’t matter. We can make this work.” 

I can see the desperation in his eyes and how badly he wants this, and it’s enough to break my heart, and I don’t have it in me to tell him no. 

I sigh heavily. “We have a lot to work out and talk about.....but I don’t want you to miss out on anything with the boys. So.......I guess we’re taking a road trip.....with two infants........halfway across the country.” 

Chris grabs me and hugs me to him tightly. 

“It’ll be our first family vacation. I can’t wait for Mom to meet them. She’s going to lose her mind over them. And you.....she’s missed you so much. You have no idea the verbal ass kicking I got from her after you left.”

You smile. “Glad to know that a grown man is still afraid of his mommy.” 

 The Usual Suspects: @averyrogers83 @wordywarriorwrites @imanuglywombat @joannaliceevans-fanficblog @hlkwrites @reminiscingrogers @mom—nicole @jtargaryen18 @alexakeyloveloki @kelbabyblue @sarahp879 @moonlessnight14 @mojean13 @mrskokitztelford @artisticrogers1972 @southerngracela @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @mybesttobobcratchit @gracethegeek9902 @mdemontespan1667 @marvelfansworld @capslut2014 @dispatchvampire @jamielea81 @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety​ @nerdy-bookworm-1998​ @southerngracela​ @what-is-your-plan-today @letsdisneythings​ @theladybiers @lexeeehhh @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ @autumnrose40 @donutloverxo​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @jessaywahh-blog​@smediumsmeatbae @before-we-get-started​ @lizette50 @littlegasps @rageshots @what-is-your-backupplan-today @clairebubbles @patzammit @sweet--catrastophe @pandaxnienke @redhairedfeistynerd @hails270105 @syms-things-5 @chezdricks @denisemarieangelina @christ0pher-evans @supersquirrel1996

[merakiui]

On the contrary to that anon 😂 I usually fail to sense a threat when it is throw in my way (I mean, I do, but my brain goes: uh??? You want to intimidate me? ME!? The fucking audacity. And then I just get angry instead of scared)

I would have been like "it's not my fault you didn't planed further *shrugs*"

Or "ok, but you guys realised it would have been the same if you let me go? Did you really think someone would have noticed it was mafia related? And the person that would, they would have keep their mouth shut without your intervention."

Like, Zhongli, poor reader didn't know it was mafia business when helping the person, even worse when taken to your damn office. To me, it smells they panicked and acted without thinking lol

That’s such a power move!!! Like, these people kidnapped you and are going on about the mafia and that you have to join because you saw and heard too much. Meanwhile you just aren’t scared at all—not even a single flinch from Xiao’s hateful stare. How dare you interfere with their plans? Uh, no. How dare they interfere with your plans of getting home?!

But actually it wasn’t Zhongli or Xiao who panicked when it came to bringing the reader in! Poor Ganyu is so accustomed to desk work and whatnot that she wasn’t sure what to do when Morax’s underlings told her there was a disturbance in the operation. Even though she was trained well in combat and should have followed her protocol, she just couldn’t let the reader suffer after trying so hard to help their target. It really wasn’t their fault. She figures they might benefit from talking to Morax in person, so her only other choice is to have the underlings knock the reader out and bring them back to the car for easy transportation. In hindsight, she should’ve just let the reader run off because they wouldn’t have a clue about the operation or that it was mafia-related.

Just know that she meant well when she made this decision.

But now the contract is signed and the reader has joined without much of a choice. At least, once the reader and Ganyu meet, there isn’t any negativity between them and they actually become great friends despite working for the mafia! Ganyu will eventually tell the reader that it was her call to have them see Morax and she does apologize for it, but she’s pleasantly surprised when the reader tells her it’s okay and that she shouldn’t worry about it. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from her chest when the reader forgives her so sincerely.

[downbythegay]

I asked about the trans reader, I guess it was a bit of both? Lol

What's funny is I was already writing one where the reader comes out to Spencer (who he has feelings for) as trans when you asked this. Here's what you asked for, though! I'll post the other one at some point in the next week, hopefully.

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

Content Warnings: Mentions of transphobia, anxiety, talk of bottom surgery

※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※

“I followed the trail out of the room, invigorated by the possibility of reinventing my own body. The meaning was mine, as long as I was with those who had the vision and vocabulary to understand my creation.” - Nick Krieger

⁙

Y/N took a deep breath. He’d been getting up the courage to do this for weeks, now. He scanned the rest of his team quickly, trying to determine further if his announcement would put any of them in a bad mood. Spencer was flipping through the pages of a very large book with a french title. Morgan was resting with his shades on and his head back. Rossi and Hotch were discussing something quietly, but Hotch had that slight twinkle in his eye that told Y/N that it wasn’t something serious. Prentiss and JJ were also talking amongst each other, occasionally showing the other something on their phone.

Y/N knew that none of them would hate him for who he was. They weren’t transphobic, at least they’d never shown themselves to be. But he was worried that they’d treat him differently. He was worried that they would baby him or accidentally misgender him, things like that. Things that have happened with other people he’s been out to after being stealth, and that he’s seen happen to other trans guys countless times. Y/N was trying to fight off all the anxious thoughts that have been holding him back.

He knew he didn’t owe them his coming out. But, they had always treated him like family, and he wanted to be able to be as vulnerable with them as they had been with him. He knew it took a lot of strength for Morgan to open up about his past sexual abuse, JJ about her miscarraige, Hotch about his abusive childhood and the loss of his wife, and Spencer about his trauma related to… well most of his life. He wanted to show them his strength, too.

Y/N stood up, and Hotch, Spencer, and Prentiss immediately looked up at him. “Um…,” Y/N faltered. “Oh, Garcia!” he exclaimed. He had almost forgotten to call her to include her in the announcement.

“Hey, Y/N what’s up?” she said, smiling. It was as kind and comforting as ever, and Y/N felt his nerve lighten up a little bit seeing it.

“So, um, I have a, uh, thing I wanted to share with you guys,” Y/N said. Everyone was looking at him now, silent and listening intently. The twinkle in Hotch’s eyes wasn’t there anymore, and the nerves returned. “It’s not like, the most important thing, but I wanted you guys to know since I consider you like family. Um,” Y/N looked down and breathed deeply. Oh, this was a mistake, he thought.

“Whatever it is, we love you like family, too,” Spencer said. His voice was soft and slightly shaky, and a huge comfort to Y/N. Y/N looked back up and locked eyes with Hotch. He nodded at him, silently letting him know that it was fine to sit down or go forward. Hotch always had such a kind sentiment behind his stern countenance.

“Okay, well, I um, okay, here it is: I’m trans. I was born with female anatomy and have been transitioning for a while. I don’t want you guys to treat me any differently than you already have, I just wanted you to know,” Y/N said. He couldn’t bring himself to look anybody in the eyes, just because then it would feel like this was even more real.

“Thank you for telling us. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to do so,” Hotch said. Y/N looked at him, and noticed a slight smile. He felt tears starting to well up in his eyes.

“Ooh! I’m so glad you finally came out! I’m so proud of you!” said Garcia, as enthusiastic as ever.

Y/N laughed a little bit. “Thanks- what do you mean ‘finally’?”

Garcia looked like a deer in headlights. “Uh, nothing. Don’t worry about it!”

Morgan chimed in. “Babygirl, what did you do?”

“I may have done a background check on Y/N when he was brought onto the team, and found out during my snooping. But I didn’t say anything to anyone! Well, except this one drag queen that I was talking to at a bar when I got plastered. But that’s it! And she promised not to say anything either!”

Y/N started laughing really hard. Some of the other team members were chuckling too, including Garcia.

“It’s none of my business, but I’ve read some really fascinating reports about a Norweigan practice for phalloplasties, which are the most medically advanced in the world. They have the most anatomically realistic appearance and nerve feeling, with even some surgeons inserting a device which allows the patient to have what functions as an erection. It’s got an incredible success rate for alleviating gender dysphoria, and-”

“Reid, maybe you could talk to him more privately about this? He just came out, we don’t need to bombard him with facts and questions about it,” Prentiss said. She smiled at Y/N. “Thanks for telling us, Y/N.”

Y/N sat down, with a noticeable weight lifted off of his chest. Rossi came over and sat across from him. “Hey, kid. That took a lot of courage. I’m proud of you.”

Y/N smiled. “Thanks, Rossi.”

“I’m just glad you’re living as yourself. Not enough people do that nowadays,” he said before patting your shoulder and walking back over to sit with Hotch.

You got up and sat next to Reid. “What were you saying about the Norweigan surgery?”

⁙

“I love myself. I am becoming myself. I am loved. I am enough.” - Alex Clare-Young