#a good and validating result i like it
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Unpleasant Revelations - DPxDC Ficlet Idea for the Stillborn Au
"Have you met my youngest, Damian, Mr. Masters?"
Its only from twenty years of long, hard experience and practice that Vlad doesn't increase the room temperature from 'borderline uncomfortably cool' to 'unbearably hot' the moment Bruce Wayne pulls his youngest and "only" biological son out in front of him.
He puts only in quotations because twelve year old Damian Wayne looks scarily, uncannily like one Daniel Brown. Jack and Maddie's foster son, second victim of their foolishness, and only other halfa in existence. Second only to him.
It's nauseating how similar they look. From the scowl and terrible glare on the young boy's face, to his brown skin -- which was only a few shades lighter than Daniel's, the shape of his nose, and even the strange winged edge of his eyebrow. Something that Vlad has long since come to find endearing on the child he considered a son of his own. The only difference was that Damian had dark, sharp green eyes.
Daniel's eyes were blue. The same glacier shade as his father's, who stood behind Damian with a proud, oafish smile on his visage.
It was infuriating how similar they look. Vlad might not have rapidly swung the room temperature from one extreme to the other, but he can't stop himself from letting the fury burning within his core from slipping out and raising the temperature up a few degrees.
Because it really only meant one thing.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were related.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were brothers.
Standing in front of him, it was clear as day. He can already picture a phantom image of Daniel standing beside Damian, the same scowl written on his face, the same glare carved into his eyes. The only difference being the dark, exhausted circles beneath them that seemed to be permanently painted onto his skin. The only thing missing being the permanent loneliness and vigilance permeating his being like a scar.
This, if revealed, would be enough to ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation. Or, at the very least, darken it quite a bit. The great philanthropist Bruce Wayne with another secret blood child? One related to his youngest? One that had been put into foster care? Seemingly thrown away?
It would be a firestorm.
One that Vlad is not keen on starting.
It would ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation, yes. But it would hurt Daniel in the process -- the harassment he would face alone might just be enough to break that fragile child completely. That was just not something he could allow. Or, even worse, bring him into his biological father's care and custody -- something Vlad was even less willing to allow.
It's not out of kindness to Wayne that Vlad will keep mum about this.
His grip on his champagne flute tightens, just a bit. He's still aware enough of the world around him to not let it shatter in his hands. His plastered, pleasant smile tightens around the corners, and he forces his focus to slide from Damian to Wayne.
"The resemblance is uncanny, Mister Wayne." He says, slanting his smile to the side slyly. Although he's not talking about the resemblance between Wayne and his son. Rage simmers beneath his skin, burning coal and embers in the core of his chest, nestled between his lungs, as he meets the man's eyes.
Wayne swaggles his head proudly, his ditzy smile widening as he squeezes his son's shoulder affectionately. Bastard, Vlad wants to spit.
He breathes in through his nose, and exhales out through his mouth. The champagne in his hand cools, and stops its unusual bubbling.
The Damian boy scoffs under his breath, his mouth still coiled upward into a scowl. With the revelation of his blood relation to Daniel evident, Vlad's not sure if he should find it endearing or not.
He is not Daniel, so he decides that it's just simply irritating. He decides to ignore it.
"And you said he was your only biological son?" He asks, voice lilting and head tilting. He knows its a suspicious question at worst, insulting at best. But considering Wayne's past proclivities, he can hardly call it an unexpected question.
Damian puffs in great offense, face twisting angrily. It reminds him of Daniel when Vlad insisted that he was wrong about something or other, and for a moment his heart swells, fond.
But this is not his child, and so the feeling quickly crashes and burns, simmering back into rage. This was not Daniel -- this was his replacement. A replacement that Wayne was free to keep.
Wayne chuckles, idiotically, as if he'd said some funny joke. Vlad's other hand, the one gripping his cane -- something he's required ever since he was dispatched from the hospital all those lonely years ago -- tightens instead. He grinds his teeth -- him and Jack Fenton would get along like a house on fire, he hates it.
"I can understand why you'd ask that, Mister Masters," Wayne says, squeezing Damian's shoulder again, "but yes, Damian is my only biological son. Although that doesn't mean I don't love my other children any less."
Bastard.
For all his posturing and flouncing about caring for his city and his children, Vlad never would have thought the Prince of Gotham capable of abandoning one of them.
But, well.
They all have their dark secrets.
And what one man throws away, another man picks up. If Bruce Wayne didn't want the treasure child that was Daniel Brown, then Vlad Masters was more than happy to take him instead.
"I see."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc ficlet#dpxdc fanfic#i was hit with this idea two hours ago and was hit with the intrinsic need to write it down#parental vlad masters#protective vlad masters#vlad is currently going 'OH? OH YOU ABANDON AND REPLACE **MY** SON??? MURDER. DEATH. BEES UPON YOUR FAMILY'#but he's also still like. evil. much less of a creep! but evil. so he comes off a bit possessive. which was intentional.#vlad's reaction is kinda valid if it was accurate and bruce DID willingly and knowingly abandon danny. except he didn't. he has no idea#danny is even alive. vlad doesn't know that tho. we all love a good reasonable misunderstanding :]#hc that vlad needs a cane as a human because the ecto-acne that killed him fucked his nerves up a bit as a result and now he's got a bad le#and is also immunocompromised. which had a slight hand in his 20 year isolation thing.#stillborn? no still born au#stillborn danny au#stillborn danny#vlad masters#this may or may not be canon to the au im still thinking about it#vlad acknowledges that danny is formiddable but he's also not wrong that a media shitstorm like that would hurt him considerably.#diamonds are the toughest known material to man and yet it still shatters like glass when put under pressure. vlad's right he's fragile#ummm anyways yeah Vlad finds out first and promptly decides to go 'oh okay so fuck you personally actually. keep your replacement child'#he has No Plans on telling Danny what he learned mostly for the obvious selfish reasons and also bc yeah. this is gonna hurt danny#ITS NOT FUN IF IT ISNT A LITTLE TOXIIIIC#i absolutely know that vlad only swears in deserts which is why its important that i have him call bruce wayne a bastard directly.
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tbh it does feel like the early setup for Bells Hells was a cool experiment but ultimately had some ongoing drawbacks because I do agree with Matt here that there has been time for watch conversations - there were plenty of opportunities for that or for just regular conversations in Whitestone, the Shattered Teeth, the Feywild, and their most recent long rest - but it's just not something the party got into the habit of doing because of the early pacing. It's just not a party that naturally falls into easy conversation with each other for the most part, and I think because he's never had to do this in prior campaigns, particularly this late in the game, Matt hasn't been very obviously laying out "anyone want to have a scene now, during downtime" the way one might with newer players.
#i'm actually thinking about this bc like. i moved to where i currently live shortly pre-pandemic#and as a result i keep having to like. forcibly tell myself it's ok you do not have the knowledge of someone who's been here 4-5 years#like it feels like that; delayed for valid reasons but also even with an opportunity to catch up there's a weird barrier psychologically#cr tag#this isn't a bad thing incidentally; i think that organically developed found family stories are good but not every story has to be that
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ough catch me crying bc we did an informal autism assessment in counselling today
#it won't provide an actual diagnosis but like. will help to (hopefully) confirm my suspicions#provide some validation in it at least. help me feel less like i'm making it up or w/e#also got some (free???) fidget toys bc i was talking about how i've been searching around trying to find ones that'll work for me#so now i have some to experiment with without having to dump a bunch of money in without any guarantee of them working for me 😭#THE DAY'S TURNING AROUND BOYS the rough start was worth it#of course i won't know the assessment results until next week but. considering it was v similar to the online assessments i've tried...#i have a good idea of how it's gonna look lmao#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.
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The two people Marty takes after in his biological family are his grandmother, Sylvia Miskin (with the stage name Trixie Trotter), and his great-grandfather William "Willie" McFly. Not only is there a strong physical resemblance (especially with his great grandfather), Marty inherits his grandmother's musical talent. Both also have a strength of character and spirit that Marty also has.
#ooc.#headcanon.#about tbt.#i have a Lot of feelings about willie and trixie#i think marty sees a lot of himself in trixie in particular#but willie is also so so good and he would definitely feel validated by that#they're so brave and witty and kind and spirited and marty finally feels like he understands himself when he meets them#most of the rest of him comes from doc though either directly or as a result of his encouragement and nurturing#that is his best friend and also his dad#he loves george and lorraine dearly and gets some things from them too (tenacity and mischief from lorraine and creativity from george)#but not as much as he gets from the other three#i'm stuck at work again can you tell sdfkjwnelrkjnsdfs
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so recently i decided to roll the 'what will my human!pericles look like This Time' roulette again, only this time in color for once! it's always itched at me how his design looks like a totally different person before and after the timeskip, having been through the wringer aside, so i thought i'd take a shot at combining my interpretation of the two. (the creators pretty obviously took cues from his voice actor for his present-day design, and it's been fun to draw on that too while still keeping the design my own.)
i mostly like how it's turned out, as far into it as i managed to get before i had to take a break and my executive function stalled out; i kept putting off posting it, meaning to come back and finish it later, but i finally decided to go ah fuck it i'd rather it be out there unfinished than disappear into my sketch folder forever. or get fucked up by my trying to continue it while Not in the Groove, especially given how difficult the painting tools i've got available are to wrangle with. Sometimes You Just Gotta Call It
there's a lot of things i'm eyeing to hammer out more next time--i can never seem to figure out what the hell to do with his hair, for one; for another they did a great job at getting across 'babyface that has become aged/haggard' with his designs, and that balance can be difficult to nail when the art app i use really brings out the Everyone is Soft and Babyface in my artstyle. it's a real bastard, but i liked drawing him with this brush a lot and i'm looking forward to working it out more if i can.
the upshot of this is Lo, Cunty Grandpa Be Upon Ye
bonus flats, including an early-to-mid-twenties edit, as well as a couple speed doodles from the same page:
#sdmi#scooby doo: mystery incorporated#professor pericles#ricky owens#humanizations#god i really do need to sit down and Actually Properly Work Out my design for his semi-humanoid-but-still-a-furry form#it's what i'm thinking of 90% of the time i write/talk/etc about him and it's frustrating how hard it is to actually translate it to paper#the story behind why this one is in color for once is hilarious and an accident#but then i rolled with it because i liked the resulting color palette and figured it was a good opportunity to practice darker skin tones#which is annoying to wrangle in this app; because once again the painting tools are terrible#and it is incredibly easy to make dark complexions look Grungy#but fuck it might as well practice to the extent i can for now#also as far as i'm concerned this gay bitch 100% wears makeup he was just a bit subtler about it before the asylum#afterward he just went Full Edgy Messy Goth and in this and this alone he is valid#me seeing a homosexual bird furry with a beak darker than the rest of their face: oh lipstick?#SDMItag#whosebaby makes things#whosebaby draws
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the burnout is real lads . . . . .
#which is to say that i came home and just stared at the wall for roughly 2 hours instead of completing my documents#it was at least validating to get to talk to one of my coworkers today#and hear that they're just as burnt out as i am#and usually have to sit in the parking lot for 4 to 5 minutes before they come in because they just don't want to be here that badly#and it feels hard to admit because this is typically thought of as a passion driven profession#and it's like#neither of us have lost the passion for it???#it's not that we hate our jobs#it's just that we both feel like. we're putting in increasingly more effort week by week but we're just.#no longer getting results.#i mentioned how i feel like my faith in my ability to do this kind of work has just plummeted to zero#not at all helped by my mentor constantly pushing me to go faster and faster but then getting mad when my presentations go poorly#because i went faster or reduced the amount of material or cut the Q and A section down 10 minutes#i just feel . . . . . tired . . . . . . . . . . .#i still need to write three planning documents for tonight#one of which needs to be Really Good because my direct supervisor will be looking at it#but my god#i just want to sleep for three days straight and then stare at a wall for another three#i'm so close to the end though . . . . .#just another 15 of these documents (including the three from tonight) and that about covers my internship#of course then there's also the seminar work and the group project and all the fancy official employment documents#and. the portfolio project (a man screams in agony)#but god . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . . . .#so close . . . . . .#once i'm free from the portfolio it's back to zola work and THEN . . . . . . . . . .#i can finally have a substantial mental health break for the first time since last may ;;; _____ ;;;
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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#having a new earring is a great way to farm social validation. customers all day have been complimenting me on it.#my brother saw a dude with a pair of pink guillotine earrings and came home like 'I bet you could make that' and I finally did#the blade is an actual razor because it's cooler to have a sharp earring#only one because I like asymmetry and also inspiration only strikes once for me. my results are pretty much never replicable#maybe I attach an image. yeah I'll do that. y'all get to see the earring I guess#ford's Art#it's a razor blade cut to shape and then a walnut frame glued together and oiled to bring out that lovely dark texture#it's a little long. I should have made the frame slightly shorter but oh well. I still love it#I've had so many people ask if I sell my crafts and the answer is nah. I'm not disciplined enough to make multiples of something.#even as a kid making wooden swords. I made a neat claymore hilt and another kid asked if I would make him one. I said sure and then#and then ended up turning out a much shittier product because my heart wasn't in it the second time around#anyway. today was good and I'm happy. I'm out of the depressive slump and just chugging along
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yknow my first watch through of rgu I was convinced Nanami was terrible, I love her, but the bitch drowned a kitten in a river! but thinking about it a lot since I finished watching the movie —but I don't think she drowned a kitten at all. I think this memory is one her mind fabricated in a state of trauma and is using this false memory to cope with the truth of no longer having the brother she so wholeheartedly adored, since he drowned attempting to save a girl
#rgu#nanami kiryuu#I've thought about this a healthy amount#and while other interpretations are valid#I just can't in good faith believe she drowned the kitten#even if she does have an incredibly twisted form of adoration for her brother to the point of worrisome over protectiveness#I don't think she'd truly hurt him in that way#plus with the movie being a continuation of the series in the sense that Utena and Anthy both finally escape together#and the black rose arc#it's pretty safe to say that a valid interpretation can say that Touga was a ghost the entirety of the series#and that his death was drowning in a river trying to save a girl named Juri#to me it seems more like symbolism#that Nanami crafted the memory of a drowning a kitten and hurting her brother's feelings with that#as opposed to accepting the reality that he was the one that drowned#and it was her heart broken that day as a result#it also fuels the over protective jealousy she has over Touga#and why she doesn't like even mundane things like sharing an umbrella to happen with another girl#because Touga was once kind to another girl and it cost Nanami her beloved brother
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i hate going through art slumps so much. like wdym i barely want to draw and i don't like anything i make and i get radio silence from half the places i share my art to these days and and and
#ace rambles#i don't share my art here anymore because i'm still standing my ground on that but all of about 2 people care anywhere else#in one of the discord servers i'm in literally the last 3 posts in my art thread have gotten no response#and i KNOW that i shouldn't rely on external validation to see the worth in my own work#but to get that much nonresponse when i'm already feeling low about my art. well. it does not feel good 👍#hardly anyone follows me on cohost or bluesky or atmos#which is to be expected since it took me literally a decade to build the following i have here#but again. it leads to nonresponses on my art. which stings#i don't want to complain about this Again#because i've had so many minor meltdowns about this exact thing in the past#and it just feels whiny as fuck#but it's hard to convince myself to keep drawing when it genuinely feels like no one cares#on top of the fact that it's so energy intensive for what feels like such garbage end results anyway#i don't like anything i make right now#and i know that'll pass but it's excruciating to work through#negative//
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At this point I stay exclusively on this website and Ao3 for fandom stuff but DAMN what the hell happened with the reviews
Castlevania Rotten Tomatos below for comparison
#*long suffering sigh* more than half of these are because of Annette aren't they#people giving this bad reviews because of the annette thing aren't valid sorry not sorry#if you have actual critiques beyond “omg!!!! woke!!!!” you can stay. at least for a little bit#you don't need to like the character rewrites and race changes but if you're basing your reviews and stuff of it then yeah you're racist#oh dear lord there's homophobia popping up too#urgh#this is what i get for looking at rotten tomatoes -_-#people complaining the show talking about the french revolution...bruh#im only paying attention to the few that don't mention “woke” “SJW” or other shit and some (SOME <- key word there) people are valid#LMFAO PEOPLE WITH DARK SKIN EXISTED IN THE 1700S WHAT THE HELL ARE SOME OF THESE PEOPLE ON#some of these reviews are just insulting to fanfic writers#those people have obviously never read a good fanfic in their LIFE#I am willing to tolerate/engage in a polite discussion with some of the people who thought that a few of the themes should have been subtle#i will agree with some of the people who said that richter should have gotten more screen time#but i think it's just a result of trying to juggle too many plotlines at once#oh dear lord this is getting long#ok i'll shut up now#netflix castlevania#castlevania nocturne#castlevania#castlevania netflix#castlevania: nocturne
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Quick thing to prove I'm alive! I technically have more stuff, but I've been very distracted, and I don't feel like typing up all the descriptions at the moment, and I also don't know how much of it I want to post. Eventually! When I'm paying attention!
#Some Kinda Nonsense#It is GOOD distracted to be fair#It just involves a big shift in schedule and such#And in adapting to that I miss other things#I got ideas.... I wanna draw them....#And WRITE them too#Side note does anyone happening to notice my tags want self-indulgent fanfic#I wanna post it but am also So Scared#Might also repost a bunch of writing to AO3#Try and fully jump ship from DA and all that#But then I gotta come up with descriptions and that means I gotta READ stuff from like a DECADE ago#It is art and it is valid but I'm still gonna struggle so much about it if I do it#Also there is....... so much of it#Gonna fill my account with so many ficlets and it'll be a mess#Saw someone else make a year's results one work?#But that's its own kind of mess#Hmmmmmm#Anyway this means nothing in relation to this art nhfgbdfs#I asked friends for prompts and one person said a dragon in a silly hat#That's.... pretty much it
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i hate the commercialisation of the avengers inside the mcu both bc i find it cringy and meta but also bc it narratively doesn’t make sense.
we spent ten years establishing that the avengers are a contentious presence, civil war was literally about people not trusting them bc of what/who they are and now it’s almost completely erased and everyone loves them now? and don’t even get me started on rogers the musical
the way clint reacts makes it seem like the writers are trying to say it’s in poor taste but it’s less bc it trivialises a literal alien invasion but bc clint misses natasha and it hurts him to see an interpretation of her. not bc people are singing and dancing about an event that got hundreds if not thousands of people killed. the closest american equivalent i can think of is 9/11. people can’t even joke about it without being torn apart and it happened over 20 years ago. the battle of new york happened 10 years ago in the current mcu, the snap happened maybe a year ago, you’re telling me everyone’s chill with a musical about one of the worst days of their lives?
“i can do this all day” being their tagline encapsulates everything i dislike about it. the only people steve said that to were nazis that were immediately killed, tony who would never talk about what happened in siberia and the 2012 version of steve says it to him. no one else would know that phrase and acting like it’s something he crowed from the rooftops is at best a plot hole and at worse, an indictment of how little care the writers are having for the new era of the mcu
#other than the odd thanos was right graffiti the public loves the avengers now#and that spits in the face of over 10 years of established development and world building#even scott writing a book and becoming a celebrity doesnt make sense with his character considering all he wanted was to be a good father#now he wants to be famous and get attention?#to the point of disregarding his daughter? the entire point of his character?#and tony and hulk and presumably the rest of them getting ice cream named after them after civil war? everyone hated you three minutes ago#i already hated professor hulk for killing the hulk then acting like they didnt but him signing things and dabbing during the blip?#why was he being treated like a celebrity?#he and the avengers failed and half the universe died as a result why would people like him after that?#the avengers bringing everyone back shouldve created an ‘it was the least you could do considering you failed the first time’ energy#it should be grudging gratitude not this worship thats happening#which makes the flag smashers even weaker when theyre the only ones not sucking up the avengers ass#of course they hate the new world order theyre villains not getting what they want duh#instead of it being a valid expression#everyone in the world is way too happy and chill with everything when Half Of Everything Was Dead a year ago#it just doesnt follow the careful realistic world building set up over the entire mcu#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#marvelous#talk meta to me#marvel#the avengers#the snap#meta#captain america#rogers the musical#endgame#mcu#phase 4#phase four
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Cropping everything because I know this is just a harmless joke but imagine a girl was like man I sure love manly sports and people went oh you're a transman. straight up. 👍
#luly talks#like i saw uhhh. the enby child's cartoon guy mention this like yeah trans ppl gendering their past behaviors is just a symptom of wanting#like. reassurance. validation. etc#but this is not a trans person and this is an utterly deranged thing to say#this isn't the first time op (if you know who it is then good for you) was weird about gnc people but like this is mental#we made fun of tiktok and now we're reinventing gender roles thru hashtag trans 🤪#which i think since this is actually about transfems a result of how pushed back feminism has become for women to need like#REASSURANCE that they're women thru material things#like a girl wears that and a girl plays this and a girl likes that etc.#like there's a lot of liberation too accepting tgirls can be butch and such but this shit it's just so ridiculous#just drives me crazy man some of y'all need to get offline and touch some grass and . just fucking hell
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And I should be on the lookout. It is not working out.
#well i tried bc that place has incredibly solid advantages#but it seems it's another thing where i don't use what talents i have and instead i do in a very mediocre way#apparently from the outside it looks like i am tired to the point of loosing the will to life#and as much as i have that sense in me rather skewed and comparing to my lowest i feel i am maybe not flying but surely not crawling#in the mud and certainly not scratching from beneath#my closest people are concerned#and my wife told me frankly 'you don't have to feel like shit when you are working'#it is something i don't really even remember as a possibility#trauma really fucks up some responses and boudaries eh?#my survival instinct has been really sanded down to a minimum#that is not helpful at all#now when i don't want to die as an everyday obvious thing#i struggle to remember that i can walk away from environments and situations that make me feel like i'm simultaneously drowning and being#burned on a stake#moreover that there are some things that maybe will let me live as in pay rent and both will be requiring from me what i can do well#i was really good at my former jobs and it was validated both by what people had told me and formal documents with results#it feels really sad when i just cannot promise oh i will do better when i know i am at my max already and it is not enough
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So I've calmed down. After today's events I find myself even more vindicated in my hatred for my family, but that's neither here nor there. I'm not trying to vent so often on this blog (feels too oversharey), so instead I'll let y'all know that my birthday is in two weeks! Specifically the 24th. So that's cool.
#unma rambles#ignore the tags below I was only going to mention the uni stuff and then things just kinda started rolling out and now it feels like a-#waste to delete them#I'll be heading to uni on the 22nd for orientation on the 23rd though#so that's another year in a row of depressing shit happening around my birthday#at least this time it's something somewhat good (uni) and not my dad shipping me off to a camp I insisted I didn't want to go to#to the point that he forcibly packed my things and made it so I couldn't go back home otherwise that Sunday#which I still haven't forgiven him for#(man every time I think about them I remember something that makes me hate my parents. funny how that works.#It's almost like there's nothing good to remember)#fyi the uni is a christian university that requires attending service for credits which is why I'm not happy#reminder: I'm agnostic but was raised christian in a christian family#and an acquaintance from church is also going to that uni. and attending the same course#which isn't the end of the world but I can't help but feel bummed out#because I just know someone's gonna use her to see how I'm doing since I never answer phone calls#wow I said I wouldn't vent but here I am#tbf my reaction to this is more disappointment and mild annoyance than the depressive spirals I used to deal with#so I guess that means I'm improving#or that it's not big enough of a problem for it to trigger that#oh well#all of this means I'm not exactly looking forward to my birthday but I've never looked forward to one since I was 10#so that's just typical at this point#hm come to think of it the camp thing isn't the only thing that happened near my birthday and resulted in depressive spirals huh#kinda sounds to me like my birthdays have just sucked#at best they were meh and at worst they sucked to the point I look forward to one where nothing happens at this point#that happened once#my birthday had nothing done for it because of reasons (I don't blame my parents for this they had valid reasons to do so)#and I just forgot about it#the tags of my post that was supposed to be about my birthday was not where I expected to unpack my shitty experiences with past birthdays#but here I am I guess
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