#a day in my life wah
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GOING TO BUY SHOESSSS GAHHHH
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"...my one year anniversary being on testosterone!!! I had a vision of capturing my total gender euphoria [...] My trans and nonbinary body is divine I honor my body as it is now, and as it will be as I continue to become more and more myself..."
#hoping this doesn't get flagged labeled or otherwise restricted. hoping & blowing this whole building up#there Is queerness & an observable butt & such & [what i already know abt the stuff that does get flagged removed etc]#of course if there's a problem & this tag's commentary is irrelevant: the video! full thing!! their voice aaaa!!!#trans people trans people trans people Trans People Trans People Trans People!!!!!!!#asia kate dillon#injection vwv#their scruff their smiling their laughing the appreciatively lingering shots of leg & armpit & stomach hair#my never having heard their voice from this past year. seeing the post with the preview of this realizing it ft. testosterone like Exhale#hearing their voice after a year of hrt crying!!!! weeping!!!! been playing snippets over & over; getting familiar; getting misty; basking#selfies / home video journaling when it's also Theatre Performance Staging Modeling Photography Filmmaking Documenting Envisioning#seeing a not so unrelated like just. little documentation A Day In The Life type clip from '67 by a trans woman; resonating w/this#talking even theoretically abt Her future journey; shots of mannequins ft. the underwear/lingerie she'd like to wear then. wah
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omigieeee good morning and happy wednesday friendz ! the sun is shining out today and i’m sensing good things on the horizon !! chopper is here to say don’t forget to drink water + unclench your jaws !! 🤍
#i don’t have too much to yap about but i wanted to say hulloooo and wish everyone a good day (ㅅ´ ˘ `)#BUT !!#had a dream about zoro last night#nothing can ruin my day now (this better not jinx it .)#but i’m also very eeepyyy and looking forward to my coffee heheheee#i’m getting dinner with the bestie tonight and i’m very excited mweheheee#then hopefully finishing my kuroo fic T^T which lowkey took a life of its own and now i’m intimidated by it#but i hope it’ll be good !! might be an au i continue tbh >_<#WAH okay time for me to goooo <33 sending out lots of love !!!#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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i love being in love i love being in love specifically with my boyfriend and living with him now... life is so beautiful its all about loving so much and if lucky being so loved in return (TO ME !)
#genuinely life has been crazy and so hard and this move and trying to build a life and figure shit out has been Insane but having him with#me makes it all so worth it and so much easier and so beautiful and just like. its so Good... being with him is so good and im so so lucky#i love him so much hes truly truly my everything and the person i wanna be with for the rest of my life and thats so beautiful and somethin#i didnt know id ever have or could have especially with how much he wants that with me too and is just as in love with me... wah.. im just#happy and proud and excited to have him and to be sharing our lives together and to be able to reach milestones and plan them and plan our#future for real... we are taking so many steps together and i love it even on the hard days i know hes there and we're gonna be okay
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panera bread is so fucking good when there’s not a bitch in your ear telling you it’s nasty
#wah wah wah it’s hospital food#okay well i am sucking and fucking this sandwich.#don’t even get me started on broccoli cheese soup#i see a panera bread and i float through the window like a cartoon when there’s a pie on the windowsill#the worst day of my life was the day they got rid of the teriyaki chicken bowl#i miss her everyday
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Just found out my toxic friend from elementary school grew up to be a TERF 💀
#why does this keep happening#like everytime I get curious about a woman and girl that traumatized me I find out they're a TERF now#first my emotional abusive special ed teacher and now my toxic friend/bully?#anyways that child had ISSUES#she was just manipulative as fuck#beefed with every boy I liked#made fun of all my interests#chastized me for setting boundaries#would get really aggresive and mean when she was mad#and when I tried to stick up for myself she'd hit me with the whole 'wah I was adopted'#no joke she's like 20% of the reason I struggle with empathy to this day#anyway that was my trauma dump of the week#trans#lgbtqia#rant post#terf que veo terf que pateo#female abusers#keep in mind every adult in my life would just down play her antics#'you should just be more patient with her she's been through a lot' and you think *I* haven't#'you just need to set healthy boundaries' I've tried that and she twisted my wrist#Also when I finally cut her off and stopped being friends with her she used our mutual friend to try and manipulate me#back into a friendship with her#that mutual friend and I are besties now and she's appologized for that lol
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#as if things couldn’t get any worse#the mechanic I have my car at cannot fix the issues with my car#so not only do I have to pay them $700 for a new battery#I have to get my car towed to the dealership so *they* can fix my problem#but the next appointment at the dealership is not until#the FUCKING 7th. of JANUARY#so I’m going to be without my car#FOR NINE FUCKING WEEKS#I’M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND#JUST SHOOT ME AGAIN LIFE. GO THE FUCK AHEAD.#and before you say ‘just take the bus’ I need you to understand that#the bus would take my twice daily 10-15 minute commute and change it to TWO FUCKING HOURS#and the mall is about to start holiday hours. which means there are nights I wouldn’t get out until 9pm#and there may be days I’m starting my work day at 9:30 am#and of fucking COURSE this had to be during the FUCKING WINTER#and if you’re still thinking ‘wah-wah what a first world problem’#you can fuck right off#I worked so hard to earn myself a car#and I enjoy driving#excuse the fuck out of me if I enjoy the convenience of being able to drive myself around#and the time that buys me to decompress after work#and cook my meals#and do my dishes#if I start taking the bus I will not have that time#and I will not be a nice man anymore#I will become a bitter angry asshole because I’m hungry angry and tired all the time
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words fail me
#my art#emeto tw#sorta#who needs sleep after your catbwakes you upmat 3am to hurl after a fairly fucken bad day not fuvken me#i cant be bothered w the typos#like how tdo people say words#they just tell people things...?......????????????????#wah wah i had a bad day and couldnt sleep and had a panic attack#when i put it ike that indont look smart#im starving also#idk why#have to get up then#the words just lodge in my stupid throat and i cant fucking spit them up without a reason and no telling people is not a reason#apparently art is a reason#i have more words secretly. its likely healthiest to putnthem here#i feel like crying whenever mom and sibling have a productive convo cause thatb means i didnt waste months of my life working with himonstuf#getting in the boat stuff. theres still problems i dont know where thr balance is. betther to clean the kitchen to show yoh care or better t#o trust people to understand the limits of others? who knows but be sure to yell at me in a panic because you suddenly want my help with it#i think it was a legit panic attack with hyperventilation and everything and it was the middle of the night and i had to be the one that tal#ks myselfnthrough it not that id really trust anyone to have that skill but its still fuckend up#im tired#im really very tired
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old people really were raised on the idea that their descendants were just future caretakers for them and never fucking learned to think otherwise
#sorry grandma thinks i'm her therapist again#grandma takes everything i do for her for granted again#grandma overthinks literally every fucking aspect of her life and confuses the fanfic she made up about her relatives for reality again#like she's dead convinced nobody loves her and nobody does anything for her and nobody visits her and yadda yadda yadda#girl i can't be at your house every fucking day. i don't have a car. my mom's got a fucking job.#literally she never voices her god damn needs. she never says ''hey i need help with this'' or ''i'm not well could you do that for me''#we're just supposed to fucking use our telepathic powers we definitely have to Guess what she wants from us#and then when we don't succeed at that Easy Task it's our fault and she's so alone and nobody cares wah wah boohoo#and if you so much as breathe in a way that might maybe possibly indicate that you're a little bit in disagreement with her#or that you could potentially have some form of criticism or advice about her behavior she doubles the fuck down#you tell her ''calm down'' she hears ''SHUT UP NOBODY CARES YOU SHOULD JUST DIE''. those are definitely the same statement.#she fucking begged me to ask my therapist to start seeing her too. fucking 6-7 months later she's like#nooo i don't want to go anymore what's the poiiiiint#GIRL IVE BEEN GOING FOR 6 GOD DAMN YEARS.#IT TOOK ME 5 OF THOSE YEARS TO EVEN JUST -START- GETTING BETTER AND I WAS LESS DEPRESSED THAN YOU#IT'S NOT GONNA MAGIC AWAY IN 7 MONTHS !!!!#I'LL DRAG YOU THERE KICKING AND SCREAMING IF THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES BUT YOU'RE FUCKING GOING#*through gritted teeth* i love and care about you and want you to be well Stop getting in the way of me doing that
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wild to not be um. fucking exhausted every day after work.
#mara.txt#wah. hope I'm not speaking too soon lol. but damn#first time in my working life I've not been completely drained by the end of the day
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Attended a quiz today and a question was how Athirappilly Falls garnered fame. Didn't even read the entire question, immediately knew it was Bahubali.
#not my friend yelling at me to read the question completely#like no darling#i read Athirappilly and my mind immediately takes me to bahubali 1#a day in my life wah#bahubali
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wuh woh
#vince.txt ⚟#this is my tumblr so who give a shit but like#ill be honest? i do think im sort of running out of that usual steam i have to keep pushing#even after her death i felt like people just. pressured me wah too much to just pretend like nothing happened or anything#not even counting the subsequent treatment i received too 😀 after multiple requests for people to maybe not violate boundaries#like i dunno. maybe dont tell me to kill myself. or make jokes about car crashes and shit#or even make jokes about me not having a partner anymore 😟 i thought itd be easy but i suppose not#and then theres THIS current thing too which annoys me to all hell#it annoys me that some people can just do shit and get away with it and have their lives uninterrupted#whilst im stuck slowly bleeding out night after night not able to sleep anymore#or to look at certain people without completely breaking down#because the physical aspect does matter yeah. ill never be able to regain most of my sense of touch in that hand#im never gonna truly regain my dexterity either but#those aren't gonna be things that torture me for the rest of my life yk#day after day has been torment for me as of late#and i really don't think thats gonna change#not for a while at least. i know im strong and all but#i do think im at my wit's end. between people and my hand and the fact that ill never get closure on anything#november grows closer every single year after all too#I'll get over myself one of these days though
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this is going to be a crazy month because at one point (well it's in like two weeks) i have a regular (for me rn) work week then my mom visits then i work for 6 days then one day off then work for 6 days. So expect me to be crazy for those two and a half weeks
#To be fair there is not one eight hour day in there.#Though there r two chunks of three days where I will have to drive to the cities every day so I should probably hit up some of my friends#like um. can u save me.#So i should really quit that one job like.... now.#I've actually never quit a job before#I'm also like wah wah I could do one shift a week or I should wait to quit til I know what the hours on the new job are#Which tbh is kind of fair#Anyway#just living life......#Excited for new job#Not excited for what it will do to the rest of my schedule
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Wanderer's birthday mail.. he's so CUTE. I'M GONNA DRAW SOMETHING ABOUT IT I SWEAR.
#he's so obsessed w traveller and for what#oh for saving his life and making him believe in something?#oh right yeah#but what's he doing being a single father 😭😭 I love him so much he really adopted a kid#need him and wrio to start a fatherhood club#jean can be in the fatherhood club too actually#beidou too#actually there are so many single parents now#let's GO single parent town!#zhongli can go for 1 hour bc he has clearly adopted Hutao as well#and like. all of liyue tbh. he loves his people and it does show..#anyway this isn't about them!!!!#shin (my wanderer is called Shinosuke) and durin are literally so emotional to me#and I've been thinking about them so much ever since the summer event 😭 shin is learning to love again 😭#i love receiving birthday mail at 10pm the day before bc then I go OMG. HAVE TO DRAW.#this year I'll draw more birthday art. i think I did like. 3 last year 😭😂#i love my silly little guy i can't forgive genshin impact for not involving him at nahi's bday event#genshin#wah wah wah I hate card games also ask that loser paimon if my nicknames are good wah wah desert man's green orbs looked at me#cy and seth are trying to be his pals and that's too funny to me#take care of him my loves!
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TMI
hwen it is genuinely too dry but he fits two in anyways and tells you to shut up for him and makes you just bite the pillw and take it for him and then it’s three and you get wet cause it’s him and as soon as youure actually into it and begging for him he stops 👍
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