#a burden to my evil mom and her evil daughter

[chloegalarza]

same old chiz that never ends with my evil mom and her evil daughter 😭

earlier today my evil mom told me to put my chickens in there coop so while i was doing that she was getting bent out of shape over when her x bf gave me 2 dollars when i was a teenager which i took them to my granmas house so i wouldn't lose it so then my evil mom started with me to her evil daughter about it and she said that my granma is more important like neither one doesn't ever believe me :disappointed:,

they never once cared about me i've always been a burden to them 😭 and like little bit ago i was just playing my new game that my narscistic dad got me for a late bday till her evil daughter was telling me not to touch her kid's snack for his dumb school and i wasn't saying anything so she started with me accusing me of havin a attitude like i hate them so much 😭, i didn't do anything wrong i never do 😭

honestly i don't understand why my evil mom couldn't had left me with my granma and my granpa i didn't want to come home yesterday night at all i wanted to stay with them where im loved and wanted and cared for 😭, i can't even play my new game cause she got me all upset 😭, and top of that there's no one for me to talk to about all of this im always going to be alone without any support or a single friend to listen or to share anything with or about my emotions or anything 😢,

i feel as though no one will ever give a chiz about me 😭

[thehighladywrites]

That's your mother, but she's my wife first…

⋆⭒˚｡‎♡‧₊˚ pairing: cassian x fem!reader, the inner circle mentioned

⋆⭒˚｡‎♡‧₊˚ summary: 18+ nsfw, mdni, light angst, stress, smut, fluff, praise, cassian channelling his inner general, reader being an absolute sweetheart who deserves everything good in life fr

⋆⭒˚｡‎♡‧₊˚ amara’s note: okay so I don’t have any kids so some parts might be inaccurate but close your eyes please🤞🏽i have nothing else to say, i just wanna fuck cassian so bad rn...

Spilled milk, mismatched socks, wailing babies.

Gods, what you wouldn’t do for a moment of peace…

Your children were usually calm, even when they were tumbling down stairs and running into tables, but during your youngest twin kids teething phase, they developed an interest for chewing on anything. Their outburst put your two other kids in distress, making it a difficult period for everyone.

In your attempt to keep your twins safe, you unintentionally became the evil mother for denying them the joy of chewing on concrete bricks, their father’s important books and a million other dangerous things that a child simply shouldn’t be putting in their mouth. 

They had been given enchanted teething toys made out of moonstone by their uncle Rhysand, but it didn’t keep them entertained at all. Safety was apparently too boring for them.

This morning was extra rough because Cassian had to leave early for a mission, leaving you with four kids. Although the two oldest ones, 7 and 12, could get themselves ready for the day, they still needed some help with some things. You were downright in a foul mood, feeling the weight of frustration and helplessness as the twins wailed and your oldest ones argued, all while trying to keep your emotions hidden.

“ You took the last pancake, Ves!” your son angrily sliced the remains of his food as your daughter, Vesna, looked at him with anger. “ I don’t care. I told you that I wanted it and you made no move for it, Therian. Blame yourself and be quicker next time.” she bickered back. They kept arguing about that stupid pancake as you picked your twins and moved to the rocking chair across the livingroom to sooth them. The kitchen seamlessly flowed into the living room, creating an open floor plan that allowed you to effortlessly monitor Vesna and Therian.

 “ It’s okay, babies. There we go, hush now.” But it didn’t work, they kept screaming and you were at your breaking point. You felt like the worst mom ever as you looked up, took a deep breath and blinked back tears. 

You almost yearned for Cassian's return, craving the comfort of your mate's presence amid the chaos. Yet, the nagging self-doubt held you back, hesitant to burden him with your distress and feeling a twinge of selfishness in the idea of asking him to cut short his mission. Despite the internal struggle, you chose to tough it out, convincing yourself that countless women had faced similar challenges, wondering if you could measure up to their strength.

Unbeknownst to you, you had been signaling Cassian with your feelings through the bond since this morning. He was already on his way back the moment your emotions reached him. He was just in time to hear your daughter’s frustration directed towards you, though none of you had felt his presence or heard him approach your home. 

“Mom, you're seriously failing at shutting them up. It's not dragon taming to handle two kids, and it shouldn't be this painful for the rest of us. How about you take them outside and only come back when you've figured out how to keep them quiet? Because none of us can stand the noise.” You looked at her stunned as a million thoughts went through your head. Guilt, anger and self-doubt took root inside you.

 Guilt, because was she right? Anger, because she shouldn’t have spoken to you like that ever. Self-doubt, because your fears and feelings about motherhood were spoken out loud. 

Your first-born had a sour expression on her face that quickly fell before she looked down at her plate sheepishly. Maybe she felt regret? But what made her react like that instantly? Your daughter could be hotheaded and it usually took her a few hours to calm down, but not this quick. 

Looking at where she removed her eyes from, you look and see your husband, body tense and wings tucked in tightly. You felt immediate comfort and wanted to throw yourself in his arms and fucking cry. How you had missed him this much in only a few hours was a mystery. 

His boots thudded heavily against the wooden floors as he approached your embarrassed daughter. “Look at me,” was all he needed to say before Vesna reluctantly lifted her head. She knew he was going to chew her out. He clenched his jaw in anger as he looked down at her. “Your lack of empathy for what your mother is dealing with right now is astounding. Instead of criticizing, maybe you should try contributing to the solution. We're a family, and we handle things together, not by throwing blame around. She's your mother, but remember that she's my mate and wife first, and no one speaks to my mate and wife with disrespect ever, not even you. Now go ahead and apologize to her.”

Your husband, ever the general.

With teary eyes, realizing the gravity of her words, Vesna approached you. “Hey, Mommy,” she mumbled, avoiding eye contact. She hadn’t called you mommy in forever. “I... I shouldn't have said those things. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so harsh. I know it must be difficult and my anger took over. I really love you and I’m sorry.”

You were a bit surprised by the apology and softened your expression before replying, “It's okay, sweetheart. We all have our moments. Just remember, we're a team, and we need to support each other.” She nodded, still feeling a bit guilty, and said, “I'll try to do better. Can I help you with anything now?”

A genuine smile appeared on your face as your replied, “That would be wonderful. Let's work together to make things smoother for everyone. How about you start clearing the table and Therian picks up things from the floor.” She nodded and gave you a small kiss on the cheek before hurriedly making her way back to the kitchen table. Cassian gave her a kiss on the head and gave her a proud smile.  “I’m glad you apologized, and it takes courage to admit when we’re wrong. Let’s move forward now. Your willingness to help now means a lot. Thank you.”

Feeling the tension ease after the daughter's apology, your mate approached you. He gently placed a hand on your shoulder and said, “Hi pretty.” You look up at him with a thankful smile. “Hi lover.” He smiles right back at you. “I know it's been a rough day. I’m so proud of you, sugar. We'll get through this together. How about you go upstairs and soak in the tub while I take care of the kids.” He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss on your forehead, and wrapped his arms around the twins who had gone quiet.

Feeling reassured by Cassian’s comforting words, you smiled appreciatively. You gave him a tender kiss in thanks before scurrying upstairs, grateful for the support and unity he provided for your family. 

As you undressed, a delightful surprise caught your eye – the tub was filled, and a slice of your favorite cake awaited you on a nearby table. Gratefully, you thanked The House for the steaming tub and the unexpected treat. Stepping in, you let the heat envelop you, soothing the tension in your muscles. Time seemed to blur as you relaxed in the warm water — minutes or hours, it was hard to keep track. Exhaustion gradually overcame you, and your eyelids grew heavy in the comforting embrace of the tub, a sweet slice of cake adding to the calmness of the moment.

Entering the room, Cassian caught sight of you in the steaming tub, content and relaxed. A mixture of emotions flooded over him – admiration and a deep love that seemed to intensify in this quiet scene. He approached silently, not wanting to disturb the serene moment. Gently, he reached out to stroke your hair, his eyes reflecting the warmth and affection he felt. In that intimate moment, a silent understanding passed between you, affirming that you’d never be alone ever. You’d be there for each other and it made your heart swell. 

Curiosity lit up your eyes, you looked at your husband and asked, “Hey, where are the kids? Did you take care of them?”

A gentle smile played on his lips as he revealed, “Actually, Rhysie and Feyre picked them up. They thought we could use a quiet weekend, just the two of us. They’re taking Nyx, Ves and Theiran on a trip up the mountains but the twins are staying at the River House with Elain and Lucien. She made a special herbal blend that helps their gums, it’s all very Elain.”

Surprise and gratitude washed over you as you processed the thoughtful gesture. “That's so sweet of them, you remarked, a genuine smile forming. “A quiet day sounds perfect.” You exchanged a glance, appreciating the unexpected silence given by thoughtful friends.

“So, are we entirely alone for the entire weekend?” You attempted to conceal your smile as warmth surged in your belly upon meeting Cassian's gaze, only to discover him returning a heated look. “Indeed, sweetness. It's just you and me, alone. Whatever shall we do to pass the time?” His commanding, taunting voice always managed to drive you crazy. He had a charming voice that you could listen to forever. “I can think of a few ways…” you responded as you stood up, dripping wet. You beckoned him closer  and deeply inhaled his delicious scent. He smelled like home. Throwing your arms around him, you inched your lips closer to his, teasing him, not letting him get close enough for a real kiss. He frowned and slightly pouted. “Either give a proper kiss or I walk away.” You knew it was a false threat. Cassian wouldn’t ever leave your embrace now that he was turned on. 

But you decided to keep playing with him, wanting to see how far you could push him. 

“Yeah? Walk away then, baby.” You let your arms drop to the side, slightly tilting your head with a small smirk on your lips. You felt a surge of amusement as you observed him, jaw tight and knuckles white from clenching, meeting your gaze with defiant determination. “Stop fucking with me, y/n/n. You want me as much as I do.” It was his turn to return a mocking smirk. “ What, you think I don’t know you by now? You think I don’t know that you wanna be fucked until you can’t think straight? Little one, I have years on you. I know your body better than you. I’ll ask again. Are you going to kiss me properly or do I walk away?”

 Fucking hell. He really did know your body better than you since his words only fueled you on. While you enjoyed toying with him, it was time to throw in the towel. No way where you wasting any more time. With hands behind your back you looked up at him, doe-eyed and blushy. “I’ll give you a proper kiss, Cassie. Then please take me to bed.” He smiled down at you with a devilish smile, putting his hand on your hips as he pulled towards his warm chest. “ Whatever my baby wants, she gets.” With hands on his chest, you stood on your toes as water swished around your legs, putting your plush lips against his soft ones. 

 Careful, gentle, loving, comforting and really fucking hot.

That was all you could think of when you were kissing him. One of his warm hands roamed all over your body as his other one cupped your face, deepening the kiss. Your own hands stayed in one spot, your favorite place to put your hands. His chest. You absolutely loved touching his chest. Giving his pecs a light squeeze, resting against them, anything really. Centuries of honing his body into a weapon had made him look like a god. 

You wanted to dry off and move to your bedroom, and as if Cassian had read your thoughts, he grabbed the towel without breaking the kiss and wrapped it around you. He simply picked you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he moved to the bedroom before gently lowering you to the soft bed. Cassian caught your wrists and pinned them, crisscrossed, above your head while he settled between your legs, once again wrapping them around his waist. You kissed until your lips swelled and pulled away for air. 

He forced your legs apart, hand cupping your pussy. You let out a gasp, quickly gripping onto his broad shoulders. Cassian carefully watched your face as it contorted into pleasure when he pushed in two fingers, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you let out a moan.

 “Feels good, wifey? ” Cassian asked as your nails dug into his shoulders, hips bucking into his touch. “ mhmm, yeah it feels really fucking good.” you managed to respond as you felt his fingers speed up, curling into that delicious spot that made you absolutely melt. 

He wanted to be inside of you, fuck you and ruin you all over the sheets. “ It would feel a lot better  if I had you wrapped around my cock.” He said, looking up at you through is his dark lashes, eyes full of mirth. You clenched around his fingers at the thought of him filling you up with his thick cock. It had been a while since you had been properly dicked down by him, since you two were busy with life and kids. Quickies, fingering and handjobs were all you had time for since the twins were born 6 months ago. As much as you loved your kids, you also loved alone time with your mate and it was rare these days. So of course you’d use this weekend to get fucked, and maybe that would help you relax a bit. Cassians cock had always been the answer for you. 

Mad? Get dicked down. Sad? Get dicked down. Happy? Get dicked down. 

Huh. 

No wonder you had four kids…

You nodded eagerly at him, “ Please cassie, fill me up. I really need it.” He sat up, dumped his clothes on the floor and positioned his cock infront of your throbbing core, teasing a bit. He used his fingers to scissor you open a bit. When you felt even more slick under his touch he retracted his fingers and licked your wetness off of them. He smiled at around his fingers and said, “Delicious.” Your chuckle morphed seamlessly into a moan when he slammed his lenght into you.

  He let out a sound of pleasure as he pushed himself into you. You clenched around his cock, you were so wet and slippery around him. He let out a pleased groan as he started giving you deep strokes. His pace quickened with the intention of finishing inside of you. He loved to make a mess of your pussy like that, fuck you full of his cum and watch it slowly drip out. Nothing made him more possessive than seeing his mate full of his cum. “Fuck, you’re taking me so well, sweetheart. Such a good girl for me, I’m so proud of you, my beautiful girl.” He knew the exact words you needed today and it made you feel so emotional that he knew you this well. 

You blushed. Pleasure crept up your spine once more. Your legs were starting to shake, sweat coated your back. He pulled you into his arms and kissed you as his strokes were getting faster and faster, his lips muffling your moans. He kept up the pace, feeling the pleasure flow through his body, bringing him closer to climax. He loved the feeling of you around him.

 He was addicted to it. He was addicted to you.

You moaned and arched your back as he continued to fuck into you. You wanted to cum so badly, and as if Cassian once again read your mind, he said something that almost made you cry.

“ Don’t cum yet.”

He must have caught your annoyed stare because he looked down, sporting his usual grin, and said, “I want us to come together. You can handle that, right, pretty?” Your brows furrowed as you attempted to feign annoyance, though deep down, you weren't truly bothered at all.

 No, no you weren’t mad at all because if he was adamant about you finishing together, then you’d do everything in your power to make it happen. You got closer to him, pressing a quick kiss before deepening it as your tounges swirled around each other before you pulled away, biting his lip. He let out a groan and it only spurred you on. You pulled out all your tricks, whispering downright filthy things in his ear. That seemed to do the trick. Cassian thrusted deeper and deeper, rubbing tight circles on your neglected clit before you came in unison. 

You moaned at the feeling, warmth filled you as his pace started to slow down. Your mate collapsed on top of you and your put his head on your chest as you ran your fingers through his hair. He remembered that he hadn’t pulled out yet but before he could you stopped him. 

“ Please baby, don’t pull out yet. It feels really warm and good and I want you in me forever.”

You felt his chest rumble with a gentle laughter. “ Whatever you want, you shall have. You did so well, sugar. I love you.” You kissed his forehead and gave him praise back. “ Thank you, baby. I’m so happy you’re here, I love you too.”

Safe to say you fucked the whole weekend, everywhere, only taking breaks for food and occasional naps. But you also basked in the intimacy of having him. by yourself. Eating together, talking about everything between the heavens and earth, cracking jokes and just enjoying yourselves. 

You and your mate, together for all eternity...

[morbidanthem]

King of Greed - 1,184 Words [Ao3 Link]

Mammon X Fem!MC

You were away from Gehenna for the next long while, as you found yourself being a part time babysitter to some of the little demon's around Tartarus.

You found yourself enjoying this job, interacting with some of the cutest children you've ever seen in your life.

They had questions galore, and you had answers!

“Do all humans die early?” A small voice shouted, leaning on your crossed legs, as the big eyes looked up at you with curiosity.

Sometimes, being a dignitary also meant being a babysitter.

Not that you minded at all.

“Well- to us, it's not early.” You explained, thinking of how best to explain the concept to a child. “To us, you guys live for so long, that we can't even imagine ways to fill that time!”

“Tell me, what do you do to fill that time?” You asked, watching the little demon's eyes light up as he explained all of the things he liked to do.

It was normal stuff most kids would say- playing with friends, helping out their parents with chores, going outside, watching TV, playing games.

Still, you hung onto his little words, laughing along with him as he explained one of his favorite games to you.

“Come on, Nikki, you've taken up the Daughter of Solomon's time enough.” the Demon's mother said, motioning him to come back to her side as the big double doors opened up.

“Awww- but Mom! I was just explaining how Evil Tag worked!” He whined, leaning into you further as he gave his Mom his best pouty look.

“No buts! His Majesty Mammon was gracious enough to let us meet him at his palace. We don't want to be rude and take up too much of his time.” She scolded. “What does your Ma always tell you?”

“That time is money.” He sighed, standing up fully looking a little defeated. “And that Money is the root of all power.”

“Wonderful. Now, come along!” She said, as he jogged up to her to grab her hand. He waved to you as they walked away, and you waved back as you smiled as they rounded the long corridor towards the Palace entrance.

You yelped, as you felt yourself being lifted up off the floor by a familiar pair of arms.

Here in Tartarus, you rarely ever walked anywhere.

Mammon always obligated himself to carry you, despite you insisting that it wasn't necessary.

“My Master shouldn't be burdened with walking everywhere. Allow me to ease that burden.” Mammon would say.

It's not as if you were in a physical position to tell him otherwise, besides, if you were being honest with yourself… you kind of like the attention.

It fed into that little need you always had of being taken care of.

Ever since you lost your parents, you've had to be strong and independent. It was hard making that transition, and those close to you know that you get overwhelmed easily.

It's why Minhyeok insisted on taking care of you back at home, and here, you have Mammon who is more than happy to help fill in those little gaps.

So, if carrying you is what he wanted, then you shall grant him that wish.

“I'm sorry for making you wait on me, Master. That was one of my event planners, she assists with creating some of the best events that Tartarus has ever seen.” He explained, as he made his way back slowly to his throne room.

“It's no problem, really.” You insisted, “I know that being a king means you have other duties to attend to.”

“Yes, though I wish that I could spend the entire day with you uninterrupted.” He lamented, shifting your weight around so he could carry you with one arm.

You will always be in awe of his raw strength.

“It was nice, though, I always wanted kids of my own.” You spoke, absentmindedly stroking his muscular arms. “When I was little, I always dreamed of having a big family.”

“Oh? How big?” He asked, suddenly walking just a little slower as he looked over at you with deep interest.

“Oh, goodness- at least three or four.” You giggled, as Mammon adjusted you in his hold once more, holding you directly in front of him. “Maybe even five, just to make sure.”

“I was unaware of these plans of yours, please, tell me more.” Mammon encouraged, enjoying that little glint that appeared in your eyes.

He could feel the greed beginning to creep out of you, and he wanted more of it.

“Well, we'll have one to start.” You explained with excitement. “I would hope that the first would be a girl, but having a son first isn't a bad idea either.”

“Really, it would be ideal to have twins! That way, there is no animosity between them!” You sighed, laying your head onto Mammon's chest. “Too bad we can't make that happen. I never had any siblings growing up, and if it weren't for Minhyeok and his Brother, I would have been so lonely.”

“If you so desire it, I will make it happen.” He spoke, grabbing onto your face with his hand to have you look at him.

You swallowed, noticing a look of desire on his face.

“Mammon?” You asked, leaning into his touch, as you felt yourself becoming excited.

He leaned in closer, his lips almost making contact with yours, as you heard him let out a deep chuckle.

“My Master kept using the terms “we”. Am I to take this as a confession?” He asked, as you felt his large hand stroking your behind gently.

“I did?” You paused, realizing that you were indeed using the term “we” to refer to your future child.

You felt yourself blush, wanting to turn away, as you swallowed once more as you looked up into Mammon's gorgeous golden eyes.

“I, uh, I guess I did…” You said, drifting off due to your own embarrassment, as you finally felt Mammon's lips make very light contact with yours.

“I will not act unless My Master is requesting it.” He spoke, shifting you again to have your back against the marble wall behind you, his hands holding you up by your rear.

You moaned loudly, as you did your best to grind yourself onto his abs, and kept himself at just enough of a distance to drive you insane.

“What is it that you desire, Master?” He asked, caressing you as you continued to grind yourself onto him.

“Please, Mammon.” You begged, unashamed of your desire for the behemoth of a demon. “Please, allow me to have your children.”

“As you say.” He said, finally kissing you the way you were craving him to.

It was rough and sensual, as he nipped and succked on your lips while delving his tongue into your mouth as you moaned for him.

You reached out to wrap your arms around his neck, scratching harshly at his back while tugging on his hair, encouraging him to hopefully want to take this little twist further.

Again, who was he to deny his master?

[deusexlachina]

Cheeseaged Exocolonist Age 17: Treat people's mental health issues by giving them a steady supply of drugs

In which we help Tangent by not Helping Tangent, and Sol becomes that therapeutic bartender archetype but intentionally and it's the closest thing any of these fuckers are getting to real therapy.

CW for brief discussion of suicide and drugs - this is the heavier part of Tangent Lore.

By age 17, Rex has nearly finished work on his bar. I tell him he's completely finished, because my past memories say it's not the size that counts, and also that Rex is going to die soon because he is part dog. So he opens it immediately.

After I am done attempting to visualize the architecture of a bar that could be halfway completed for one intended size and then quickly finished off at a last-minute different scale, I spend some time in the place. I perform a song onstage to celebrate, and also because that boosts creativity, the most optimal skill I have yet to max out.

A little later, Dr. Instance walks into the bar, which is also a cafe. Instance is a mad scientist and Tangent's teacher, gender-affirming care provider and adoptive mom. She is an evil influence on Tangent, sculpting her into a ruthless mad scientist with no self-care who is increasingly alienated from nature and, with it, her twin brother Dys, which will lead to tragic results for both of them and maybe the whole planet unless Sol intervenes. But also, she helped Tangent transition before she was 10, so that's pretty based. As parents of trans kids go, she's honestly not so bad.

Instance laments that we suffer from having no psychotherapists in the colony. She vindicates this statement by guzzling blep (a Vertumnan drug with the properties of coffee, marijuana and LSD that both she and Tangent drink liberally - see "no self-care") and deciding to tell her 17-year-old barista/bartender about how the previous therapist, Tangent's birth mother, killed herself.

You can either tell Instance that the colony needs a counsellor or that you could be a counsellor. If you pick the former, she suggests you could do triple-duty as a barista/bartender/counsellor. If you pick the latter, she reminds you that you lack specialized training, that being a counsellor is a heavy burden even if you do have the specialized training, and then suggests you could do triple duty as a barista/bartender/counsellor.

I assume Instance is pushing me into this very unhealthy role because she's trying to get her daughter therapy, and she knows she can't give Tangent therapy herself, not least because she's clearly the source of about a third of Tangent's mental health issues in the first place.

Fortunately for her, I agree to work as a counsellor, because I am also trying to help Tangent. But I am not trying to Help Tangent, because if I Help Tangent, even once, she will become a supervillain, ruining her life even if you stop her evil plans.

This year, I go a step further and get negative Helping Tangent, by affirming that colonization is bad and we can avoid the mistakes of Earth. If you've helped Tangent once, this is your chance to stop her from being a supervillain. We didn't Help Tangent at all, but I still like this dialogue and it's worth highlighting. It's a very heavy scene, especially if you've seen where her dilemma can lead. In a different part of the same dialogue tree, Sol can offer to have no-strings-attached sex with Tangent to relieve each other's stress.

I screenshotted this one because it was funny, but I don't actually pick it in this run, partly so I can get negative Helped Tangent and partly because sleeping with Tangent simply does not offer Sol any mechanical benefit. You do get a solid card from it, "Releasing Endorphins," but honestly, at this point improving my deck further would be a purely academic exercise. I am already getting Super Goals on every check without trying even a little. I don't need to Release Endorphins by having sex, I can just enjoy the high of being a god who decides who lives and who dies and who's decided to improve the world simply because she can.

That, and Tangent's currently my patient.

In Dragon Age terms, Helping Tangent is like Hardening Leliana. Conversely, what we're doing here is like Softening Shrek.

[nijigasakilove]

Man whattt right up until the last episode this show just kept cooking with the twists!! Just last week I’m in here slandering Jihei calling him a coward and traitor and whole time it was the mom!! Like yea he should’ve been better BUT I can’t put all the blame on him. Wow, way to totally mess with my expectations. Season 2 me NOW.

We didn’t even resolve where the monkeys came from or what their original relationship with the Yatagarasu was, what the Yatagarasu really are and what’s going on in the real world. Every episode just gives us more questions than answer 😂

I get that Koume mom got a lot of internalised trauma from her dad slutting her out, but that still don’t give you the right to take it out on other people and betray your own people. People failed you, but that doesn’t mean the whole world is evil. Seeing her almost choke Koume to death was hard as hell to watch, she really would’ve killed her own daughter without any intervention. Koume first reaction being saying that she knew Yukiya would come for her is so cute. My shiiip

AND THEN THE PRINCE GETS STABBED LIKE HELLO?? I’m travelling so I’m watching the ep a lil late and sitting in the airport and my dumbass screamed out loud 😂 thank God he didn’t die but man that had me scared for a min. So many twists in this show it’s bad for the heart.

The Prince might be the true K’inu but it’s no way he doesn’t have emotions. He clearly cares for Yukiya, his best friend and his other close circle very dearly. He might be more subdued compared to the average person, but there’s emotions there. Thankfully he won’t have to carry that burden alone anymore now that Yukiya fully pledged his support! I mean man what a full circle moment. Yukiya who wanted nothing to do with the center just at the start of the cour now knows the best way forward is by the prince’s side.

AND THE GHOST FIRE WAS HUMAN CITIES??! Man I really need season 2 to see if we have the Yatagarasu and humans interacting and to find out more of the lore. They ended right as this was getting good. Without a doubt the most underappreciated show this year. Incredible from start to finish.

[review](https://myanimelist.net/reviews.php?id=537873)

[overmyemptycoffin]

There are a thousand words to describe the way i feel in the November light

it filters down now, and from the grey grey sky, i look out over the mountains and i scream

there is not a god. all of this grey all of this sorrow, god, a good and loving god would never make a world where there are Novembers

November hunts for me, i hide behind the shadow of October, but i am found, cowering in the dull light of a November morning

November is coming to collect my debts, November is coming to crush my soul, me ME

sad and lonely pseudo philosopher, sitting in a dorm room, it reeks of sadness and sex

is there a way to cure the feeling November thrusts upon me

god the rape of the end of the year, a year stolen from my youth another one down the drain,

am i not still ugly? am i not still hopelessly stupid? did i get the cure to my ugly insides when i entered the college doors? did i figure out the innerworkings of my soul in the meager 7 sessions with a therapist who only listens? only hears never helps

there are no answers, there is no reason i should not give myself up for November to hunt me to hurt me to bleed me dry

someone tell my mother that my blood is red too, someone tell my father his Prozac tasted nice when i was sixteen

someone tell my brother, someone tell my sister, someone tell anyone that i am gone

i walk down the hill alone after work, i walk back to my box, a doll who only comes out to play and forgets to smile when she's limp, unused, limp and full of the jizz from the approval of dismissive glances.

I the doll, i the plaything of the world at large, on display until i walk alone and enter the cold parking space with walls i breath in

i do not live i barely breath my labored breath leaks from under the weight of the words pressing on my neck, pressing me into the ground

i am the doll. i am the plaything who hates the play

Someone tell my mom, I've become the whore she always was. someone tell my mother, she never held me tight enough, someone tell me its okay to hate the half of her in me.

i cannot escape being the great whore of Babylon.

i cannot escape the hellscape god planned for me, angry father, bipolar mother, distant siblings and a force of hate for myself so strong.

I am the true daughter, i am the heir of all the sufferings

the house that used to stand in Maine, the house my mother collapsed in when my father died, the house that i was wrenched from and thrown into fifteen years of hell on earth

but no. i cannot show it outside, i am the doll who does not cry. forbidden, i am the lost daughter pulled away by fate and bad timing.

i am nothing. I am a vessel for the scathing hared that has left its mark on me since i was 6,

alone in my nightgown, molested and confused. at 10,

suicidal and homosexual at best.

i am torn up bits of a bad novel, all trauma all tits no brain, no face worth a double take nothing more than bright blue eyes and a foolish tongue.

now 19, desperate for validation, for anyone to tell me i look nice or i write well or at very best, i might make something of myself.

but who knows now, i am all doll, all facade, all burnout all failure, all longing, all Maine, all prodigal, all disappointment, all burden, all loveless, all ego and never ever lovely. I am beyond ugly beyond the point of breaking bones,

i am the driven daughter, i am the endless regurgitation of all kinds of evil.

[baggebythesea]

Princess Glimmer and the Day of Many Choices: A Tall Slim Woman and a Tall Buff Woman (28/?)

"It can't be!" Glimmer gasped as she and the others stared at the tall figure in front of the Black Garnet.

"Step forth, rats," the tall slim woman by the runestone said with haughty voice and turned around. "I can hear you whisper. Step up and face your better or scurry away."

Glimmer took a tentative step forward eyes huge, tears threatening to emerge at any moment. She stared at the winged woman, dressed in a purple gown and seemingly shining from within.

"…mom?" Glimmer whispered, clearly not believing her eyes.

"No…" Catra whispered in horror. She took a step back, poised to run.

"Queen Angella?" Despara said, horror and remorse written all over her face.

"How is this possible?" Glimmer said, voice shaking.

"Oh, wow, hi!" Scorpia chuckled nervously. "Wow, this is really cool, um, I've heard so much about you - mostly propaganda I suppose, but still. I'm really happy to meet you. Um, but just to be clear, um, that's kinda my runestone you're playing with… not that you can't borrow it, of course, I just thought I would…"

"SILENCE, FOOL!" the tall queen snarled and hurled a ball of lighting towards Scorpia who - in a move that clearly surprised herself - caught it on her claw, where the electricity harmlessly played until it grounded itself.

"MOM! NO!" Glimmer cried. "Scorpia is with us now. She is one of the princess alliance… um, everyone is. The war is over. We won!"

"Silence, I said, you mewling brat," the tall queen snarled, her eyes boring into Glimmer as lasers. "Do not bother me with your games, child."

"…mom!" Glimmer protested, hurt to her core.

"You and your friends play at being princesses while the world is breaking," Angella said with disdain. "Little princesses playing at being queens." She contemplatively looked at the rune stone. "Little princesses playing with dangerous toys."

"Angella…. Queen Angella…" Despara said. "I'm so… I'm sorry… I let you down…"

Angella took a step forward, towering about the crying warlord. Her feature softened and she put a hand on Adora's face.

"Yes, you did," Angella softly said. "But of no fault of your own." She gave Glimmer an unkind glare. "You were given burdens greater than you can carry," Angella went on. "Responsibilities heavier than you should have been asked to shoulder."

As she talked, a red light streamed from her hand and started to engulf Despara.

"Don't you worry," Angella said. "I will take those burdens away. I will not stand aside and watch children with the keys to the cosmos anymore."

Despara cried in anguish as the red lighting tore into her. A moment later Adora - haircut no longer bitchin' - fell forward, hardly conscious, and landed on the floor.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" Catra shouted in fear and anger and rushed up to the sobbing Adora.

"Queen Angella!" Perfuma protested. "I must ask you to step away from my wife's runestone…"

"'Wife'," a mocking voice, deep and hoarse, said as a second figure stepped out from the shadows - a tall, buff woman. "That's rich. The princess of Archnidia rutting with a Plumerian whore."

"Oh, wow, there is no need for…" Scorpia begun, but her voice trailed off as she took in the appearance of the newcomer.

The newcomer held up a claw.

Red lighting played over it.

A simply bitchin' electric guitar chord was heard.

"…mom?" Scorpia whispered.

"Don't worry, daughter," the woman said. "I'll find you a more worthy partner once we have conquered Plumeria for you."

And from her claw shot a stream of red sparks, right at Perfuma.

Part 27 is here: https://www.tumblr.com/baggebythesea/723896819711623168/i-love-how-even-this-one-was-i-might-even-combine

[dailycass-cain]

2022 Year in Review

2022 was a fascinating year for the character of Cassandra Cain. Like the years prior, the year built off creators who do adore the character. So let's look back at 2022 for Cass.

To start this was the first complete year that the character had an ongoing shared with two other characters in Batgirls. While the covers have been utter gold the story themselves has been divided the fanbase with the portrayal of the three Batgirls involved.

For me, my problems with the book is just the way to incoporate Babs into the series. Make her being Batgirl anytime in the series a MOMENT. Let her flourish as Oracle more here while allowing new fans to open to Cass/Steph as the Batgirls.

Cass has been somewhat coincidental with a character arc compared to say Steph/Babs. She continues to make strides trying to overcome her reading disability (thanks to Basil and Babs).

In truth, the only real hiccup for her character progression was this month's issue (#13) with Lady Shiva. The relationship between the two is always complicated. However, I feel it's forgotten the reasons why Cass/Steph bonded so well together. Their fathers are both monsters.

Lady Shiva and Cass is untapped potential. Instead of the usual "murder mom" cliche tropes that we see with Red Arrow/Shado, Lian/Cheshire, and Talia/Damian I truly feel there is an opening here for the two to be different and respective toward one another.

Likewise, Shiva escaping the trap of being stuck in this dragonlady trope she's been stuck in since the 90s (with Simone, Rucka, Puckett, Hill, and Taylor) being the few who broke those shackles put upon the character.

That is why I hope for 2023 that DC doesn't falter into this simplistic trap. Going for the "troubled" story with the character in Hush along with Young Justice. Focusing on this monster not digging into the layers this character has to give.

That said, Batgirls while having a bumpy start really got going with #9. The writers felt more comfortable with all the characters involved and it wasn't burden to any of the trio.

All I ask for 2023 is ironing out the rogues the Batgirls creators give a few more pathos along with a better motives to for the evils that they do to the city. I feel there's still potential for some of these newbies.

But in truth I want the return of this bastard. David Cain needs to return. While I did love the dimensions he had in Batgirl Vol. 1. I feel maybe a leap into some hard villainy is needed for the character. A fear of him going "soft" due to accidentally loving his daughter.

Or continue on with a "twisted" variant of his love for Cass theme. Something at least.

While Batgirls was middling, Cass found better more memorable appearances outside said ongoing in other places. Some more surprising then others.

I think the two biggest places of these was in Joker ongoing by James Tynion IV that concluded this year and Batman One Bad Day: Two-Face #1.

Both characterizations gave us a more mature Cass (if the younger version in Batgirls scared off longtime readers). One could feel the more "everything is canon" pathos DC started in 2020 with these appearances of Cass here.

This is a Cass that you know can drop someone easily and holds back purposely. She's scary, and it's nice seeing her interacting with characters she hasn't (in canon) for years.

In truth though writer Mariko Tamaki spent most of 2022 shoe-horning Cass into anything Bat-related she wrote this year. I'm enterally 🙏for th at.

Continuing off the story she wrote of the character in 2021's DC Festival of Heroes: The Asian Superhero Celebration #1.

Tamaki shows in the various appearances (mostly Tec) how she gets Cass (even if it was kind of funny seeing artists drawing various forms of Cass's costume in these issues).

But these weren't the only places Cass showed up in. She was in the "old stand bys" Batman, Nightwing, Robin (Damian and Tim's), and Batman: Urban Legends (never forgetting that page. NEVER because it has many layers to it).

But we had other places you'd never expect Cass in. We had her in the Flash (I still can't believe we got that) and--- SCOOBY DOO?!

Yeah, that is something I wasn't expecting. 😮

But these are nice fun little appearances. Though I feel her biggest "guest spot" other than Batman was here. Which allowed many answers to Jason being the "greatest fighter" of the Bat-Family from Task Force Z.

Though personally I found the appearance "alright". Nothing like Tamaki or Tynion's.

But that was all the tip of the Cass iceberg as she appeared in stuff outside the main comics too. DCeased continues to be a place where I never thought in my wildest imaginations I ever see a Cass like this. Nor ever getting a solo cover of the character (coming next month).

Dark Knights of Steel was the sneakiest Cass appearance ever as I didn't even realize it until someone said, "No she's in the issue." Tom Taylor is such a sneak cause we all now are hype for when she's gonna cut loose.

Then there's Batman: Wayne Family Adventures which gives us SOOO much Cass and an absolute BANGER of a story arc with the character earlier this year.

Probably the most disappointing multiverse Cass appearance was DC vs. Vampires. It started off strong making you think (oh hey Cass has a role in this and OH SHE'S ALIVE) before the second half came in July and whatever progress we had earlier fell off.

But I'll be frank, while DC vs. Vampires was disappointing it was nowhere near the car crash that was Future State Gotham #15-18, which concluded it's alternate future story of Gotham.

This story was a dumpster fire. Probably the worst Batman story of the year and I feel like only a few of us know of its crazy ass tale it gave us. I'm still in shock how everyone was wasted in this ongoing save Jason and Talia.

Jace the freaking co-star of this ongoing comic did NOTHING in that final arc save job and hard to everyone.  Everyone else in the family was equally was a waste and-- if you didn't hate Dick Grayson in Batgirls #7-8 you'll loathe him so much here.

Literally me the entire time reading this arc on Dick.

Quite possibly one of the worst stories Cass was ever involved in. I hate it was so utterly predictable in that regard for her entire appearance in the story.

Then there's the real surprise. The surprise NO ONE saw coming. Bat Wheels. Cassandra Cain is in another cartoon. One aimed at an even younger audience.

Though her costume has allusions to Babs and is kidified. The character is there. We haven't gotten much with the character (three episodes), but she's something else when on.

Some have said she isn't Cass, but other than the costume you can't really say much else because there isn't much layers to the character here save girl teen. But the last episode she appeared in facing off against Harley.

There was a tease to the Batgirl moniker being a legacy role and Cass wasn't living up to snuff. It got under her skin (much like the entire episode Bibi was bullied by Jestah).

Both overcoming the bullying.  It was a really fun episode. I truly hope for a bit more Bibi centric episodes cause that means more Cass. 😋

Young Justice also had Cass but felt more padding characterization that should've been there to begin with. Such as this version of Cass knowing sign language to talk now.

Likewise on the actual show she appeared at Conner/M'ggan's wedding with Babs and okay, if we have a Season 5 she's gotta be Batgirl in it right? RIGHT?!

But yeah, I kind of wish we got the sign language knowledge in her arc from last year. But again, those episodes were stacked, but again that could've saved Artemis some time yelling at Cass's motives in part 2.

All and all, this was another stellar year for Cass. I think the only real "bumps" was #7-8 in Batgirls, Future State: Gotham (which most forgot but I will NEVER FORGET), and DC vs. Vampires being so-- lackluster.

Other than that we got MORE Cass merch with TWO official shirts celebrating AAPI (Audrey Mok for Batgirls aka the pic I started this all with and Jen Bartel on Nightwing).

NOW... If only 2023 gave us some figures or statues. *glares at McFarlane*

And so... #CAINAISSANCE2022 ends with hope. Here's to #CAINAISSANCE2023 continuing the highs started three years ago. So far, it appears we will. Batgirls #14 next month (Cass focused silent issue) and so much more to come it seems.

[mirambles]

Crash Course in Romance - First Impressions

I started Crash Course in Romance purely for Jung Kyung Ho only to discover it is directed by HomeCha director and has all of my favourites in the supporting cast. And now I am firmly sucked in to it cause of Jeon Do Yeon. It’s my first time watching her and she is such an amazing natural performer - it’s like acting is in her blood. She just has to show up and she will make sure your eyes are fixated on her.

There maybe many actresses who are more beautiful than her , but I’m dead sure there are very few who can surpass her acting skills. I didn’t even know what a big star she is, until I saw this series and went and looked up her acting resume!

I adored Jung Kyung Ho in Prison PlayBook and Hospital Playlist ( a drama that didn’t hook me but his charcater did) and was dying to see him as a main lead and I’m absolutely loving him in every scene. He has to be one of the best actors out there who has picture perfect comic timing.

All his outbursts and expressions when he is startled by JDY’s character are downright hilarious. But he is also delivering on the emotional scenes, the scene where he cried eating her food for the first time - it hit home hard. It reminded me of the scene in Chocolate when the younger Ha Ji Won cried after eating the younger Yoon Kye Sang’s mom’s food at their restaurant. The connection she holds dear for the rest of her life in that drama. Food is so integral to KDramas and Korean culture and to see it form the foundation of the leads’ relationship, her food healing him - could it get better than this?

KDramas do found families the best - take Reply 1988, Prison Playbook, Hospital Playlist, Be Melodramatic, Hometown Cha Cha Cha - people bound by love, friendship and hearts. JDY looking after her autistic brother and her niece as her own kids, running a food store with her best friend is all kinds of heartwarming to me. She who had to give up on her handball dream, she who carries no grievance, no regrets, no sadness in her heart for having to bear the burden of raising a family at a young age. She who hasn’t had a chance to live her own life selfishly , but is selfless, pure hearted, free spirited, never once cynical, loving and a kind hearted soul. Her positivity is contagious.

Even when her autistic brother is misunderstood, she is polite and apologetic even though they are not at fault. Even when her daughter NaHee bears the brunt of unfairness from the academy and manipulation by the evil moms, she fights for fairness but doesn’t grudge the people.

JDY and Lee Bong Ryun’s friendship will hit the top 10 female friendships in KDramas if they keep going strong. I crave for the scenes between these two - pulling each other’s legs, egging each other on, encouraging and complimenting each other and most important reminding each other how valuable they are. Here’s to more women friendships! KDramas have often got this part right!

I don’t usually care for teenage romance or love triangles, but there is something endearing about the budding love triangle between Na Hee, Sun Jae and Geon Hu. Na Hee is married to her studies and completely oblivious to these two guys crushing on her and I love that! Also the scene in the park where Sun Jae and Na Hee tell each other their secrets - just a glimpse of how at the bottom of it all their friendship is pure and I hope that doesn’t change.

The moms don’t impact me after having seen Sky Castle, they are the toned down version of those monster moms from Sky Castle. Plus if you cast Kim Sun Young (love her in freaking every role and drama) and Jang Young Nam ( my favourite coach in BokJoo) - how am I supposed to hate them! I mean I want to whack the shit out of them for the nastiness they bring to the screen, but I love how well they are doing it. Do you get my conflict?

Crash Course in Romance has complete HomeCha vibes, Ms Sunshine meets Mr Grumpy trope, with backdrop of the competitive Korean education system pressure on kids and parents alike, which was dealt brilliantly in Sky Castle.

In summary, Crash Course in Romance is 100% Hometown Cha Cha Cha meets Sky Castle. I loved both dramas and it’s no surprise am enjoying this fine mix too right now.

What about you lot?

[chloegalarza]

very upset 😢

my evil mom and her evil daughter started with me like while they were out she told my evil mom that i was complaining about wanting me watin to go to my granmas house on the 26 then my evil mom told me that if i go to my granmas house that she'll go to a restaurant without me and that she doesn't care about not feedin my chickens that they can starve and die 😢,

so i asked her why get them in the first place and she yelled at me sayin that she got them cause the store didn't had any eggs cause of the virus which that's her excuse 😢, which i don't want them to take me out for my dumb bday

like i knew she didn't ever care about my chickens there much of a burden to her than me 😢,

which i don't even think that no one doesn't care about the way i get treated like i wish i had someone to talk to about all of this but there's no one that would listen or to show support or anything 😞

[narrativelysignificantturtleduck]

she!!!

1. a lot's gonna change - weyes blood

if your friends and your family sadly don't stick around / it's high tide / you'll learn to get by

the beginning of her arc, how she's had to learn to deal with adversity but also how much is going to change after she meets aang

2. you're me and i'm you - black belt eagle scout

you know you're me and i'm you / just like you, my mom

a song about the artist's close relationship with her Inupiat mother, and therefore a perfect song for katara and kya.

3. temple - thao & the get down stay down

i know your father can't call anymore / he never meant to be a man of war / but we found freedom, what will you do now? / bury the burden, baby, make us proud

normally, i wouldn't add a song like this to a character playlist - it's from the perspective of thao's mother who fled vietnam in the 70s and it is very specific to that situation. but the loss of a homeland due to war, generational trauma, and even a few specific lines like the ones above are all extremely fitting, and it's just a fantastic song that i think more people should listen to.

4. wolf - first aid kit

see it fall, child of war / lend a mending hand

video

5. water witch - the secret sisters & brandi carlile

wade where no happy man searches / in the place only mad women go

this is more of a hama song but there's a lot in the verses about digging into the pain of history, and that is what draws katara to hama to begin with. women's generational trauma + water imagery = katara & hama vibes.

6. sisters of the moon - fleetwood mac

she asked me "be my sister, sister of the moon"

also katara and hama.

7. you got to run (spirit of the wind) - buffy saint-marie & tanya tagaq

as you bend / you learn to be your own best friend / and you learned how and you learned when / to take a chance on the spirit of the wind

katara's decision to leave home, following aang and determined to become a master waterbender.

8. strange girl - laura marling

i love you, my strange girl / my lonely girl /my angry girl / my brave

this chorus is just my internal monologue when thinking about katara.

9. landscape - florence and the machine

born from dark water / daughter of the rain and snow

generational trauma again.

10. dead in the water - SPELLES

now i rise with the tide / i won't stop til i reach the shore

video

11. water - FINOM

what made a killer from a lover from a memory? / what made destruction so appealing to a human being?

video

12. simmer - hayley williams

how to draw the line between wrath and mercy?

like the previous, this is about the southern raiders - about being justifiably hurt but deciding not to give in, deciding to choose mercy and let go for your own sake

13. mother's daughter - miley cyrus

must be something in the water / or that i'm my mother's daughter

i hesitated adding this song for a while bc katara isn't nasty and evil but that title lyric fits too well

14. freedom - beyoncé ft. kendrick lamar

i'mma wade through the water / tell the tide don't move / i'mma riot, i'mma riot through your borders

katara is obviously a beyoncé fan.

[kittychosis]

honestly ive been having a really hard time thinking about family lately. im reliving high school the same way i was reliving my childhood in high school. i see all the ugliness for what it was in the moment, i do not have to disguise it as something pleasant like i did in the moment. all the words, prolonged silences, all the backhanded niceness, all the ways my family laid their hands on me. i have struggled for the longest time with the idea of forgiveness, i genuinely think i cannot offer it to some of the people that i would like to give it to. i would like to be able to give my trust back to the people who broke it but in reality i dont think that is in the cards. i dont think some things that have been broken can be fixed. i dont think i will ever be able to trust an adult again, which adds a whole new layer when you are an adult too. i see my brothers in a way i never did when i was a child, in a way i didnt even in high school. i forgive them, through it all i FORGIVE them. no matter how bad or how hard, i can forgive them. i can offer them this thing i so badly wish i could give to my parents. i relive the hardest moments with them and even through the tears and internal pain it has caused me to endure this, i know deep down i forgive them. i know that i can because they were the same as me, they did not understand the evilness in our house and they were only slightly responsible for their actions. i forgive them because we were all just kids who were taught that that was the way life was, that was the way it was always going to be. and i love them both more than life itself for being able to change. i feel an undescribable relief that we have used our abilities to change in areas where our parents felt comfortable staying the same. but i cant forgive my parents. it was too little too late. it was almost nothing at all. for my dad it was nothing. he died holding onto the beleif that nothing he did was wrong. i dont know if my mom will die the same way but im at a point where i dont know if it would even matter anymore. the damage has been done and she did not stick around to help pick up the pieces. but she didnt hesitate to show back up as a "supportive parent" the second we all left and she realized what her fate had become. i dont know if i can forgive someone who has only their best interest at heart when it comes to our relationship. i feel like a horrible daughter, a horrible person in general for creating a larger and larger space between us. it is heartbreaking to imagine how that must feel for her, after all, at the end of the day she was a girl just like me. but i dont know if i can keep blaming myself for her facing the consequences of her actions. at the same time it feels hopelessly horrible to realize you really truely have no parents when it comes down to it. i dont know which burden is greater to bare.

[sorryiapologized]

I ain't proud of all the punches that I've thrown in the name of someone I no longer know.

Every time I hear this verse I think of someone else. Does that make me a toxic person?

Sometimes its a friend from college who used me to carry the weight of her mental health issues, then left me behind as soon as it was convenient to do so.

Right now, it's my dad, however. Maybe that's because it was just Father's Day? Maybe it's because he butt-texted me last night?

I was so close to him. He always told me he was my biggest fan, and I had no reason to think otherwise. He taught me about life in his own fucked up kind of way.

I became protective of him as I got older. When my mom left him I realized I was the only family he really had left. Maybe that broke me more than it broke him?

I looked out for him. I cooked and cleaned for him. Just like that college friend, I took on the weight of his emotional burdens.

I was an angry kid and for many years I was willing to throw punches for my dad. When they said he was an alcoholic I defended him. When they said he was a narcissist I defended him.

The divorce was all my mom's fault, I'd say. I'd throw verbal punches at her whenever I could. She said I'd know more someday. That I wouldn't think in such black and white ways.

My dad thought in black and white. Things were good and things were bad. He taught me which was which. As I grew up I started to recognize the parts of me that he would think were bad. I thought they were bad, too.

Liking girls, that was bad. It was something I held close to my chest and hoped would stay a secret until I died. I prayed for death to take me before my desires did.

I learned more about the world as I continued to grow up. I questioned the things my dad had taught me about it. If God was all good and all powerful, why would he create evil?

He couldn't stand my questions, so he left me alone more and more. I started to notice the smell on his breath when he's come home late and fight with me. He'd find any reason he could to kick me out of the house -- a towel on the floor, a missing phone charger.

Everything changed when I finally left. I went to college. I learned to accept the parts of myself he wanted me to hate. Now I live in a different city. I talk to him maybe three times a year. He has a new life and a new family.

The last gift he gave me was socks with horses on them. He thinks I still like horses like I did when I was 12. Maybe that was the last time we really knew each other.

I'm grown now, and a part of me will always regret the punches I threw for that man. I don't know him and he doesn't know me. Maybe we only ever loved the ideas we had for what we wanted the other to be? I wanted a dad who would love me, protect me, and accept me. He wanted a daughter who would obey him, respect him, and make him proud. Now I think we're both disappointed and embarrassed at all the bloody knuckles we received in our mutual misunderstanding.

[vole-mon-amour]

Today is exactly 2 years since my mom died.

Since I missed the call at 2:29 am and 2:31 bc DND mode is always on at night and then they called my granny to tell her that her daughter is dead. I still don't get it why they had to call immediately bc since then my granny often wakes up at the 2:30 am and is unable to sleep past that.

2 years since I called my dad and told him, "Mom died." And he said, "Жалко." which can probably be translated to a mix of "That's a shame" and "That's really sad."

2 years since I thought, "when I'm free from Covid, I'll finally hug my dad."

2 years since my dad and my granny grabbed mom's belongings from the hospital and me, having to sort them for the funeral, absolutely broke down and couldn't stop. Me, who always hated her and often treated her unfair and she didn't deserve that, I know that now.

And then my dad died on June 13, and I was free from Covid exactly for his funeral. Never hugged him. Never been able to interact. Treated by his wife the entire time like I was evil and that I didn't care about him. Been lied to by her and her family. Treated like I've 'moved on' too fast. That piece of shit.

And I'm still so confused about what I'm feeling and how it's been, and I'm still having various nightmares about the entire ordeal.

Jesus, I hope one day June wouldn't be like this for me. It's not as bad as the first year, even though i spent the first year in a fog and now it feels like only one year passed when actually two did.

It's a weird fucking feeling. But even then, my granny can't make me visit my parents tombstones again unless it's for her own funeral. Idk if I'm in some kind of denial, but I don't need a reminder that their graves actually exist and that it's real. That place makes me feel like shit & one time was absolutely enough for me, thanks very much.

Anyway. Let's see what I can do today to relief this burden. 2 years is absolutely not enough to be healed from this. And while so many things happened & I couldn't imagine myself where I am right now, it's still so ????

[gurugirl]

Sorry to burden you with this but it’s just been too much for me to keep in. My brother went to go see my dad after like 10 years because my dad left us when we were younger and my dad noticed that on the back of my brother’s passport the emergency contact was a family friend that we see as a dad instead of my actual dad and he got really angry. But instead of telling us, he went to his cousins wife and badmouthed my mum completely about it. When I heard I was so angry because he acted like a baby so I called him and I told him that next time he has a problem he should come directly to us rather than telling other people. He seemed fine with me saying that until today my mum got a call from my dads cousins wife shouting at her for telling me about what my dad said and how it was rude that I apparently told her that it’s none of her business. It hurts that after so much evil things my dad did I still love him and the one time I would hope he’d keep stuff between us as father and daughter he spread it. It hurts that my mum is being abused by everyone because they support him instead of her when he’s the one that’s cheated on her for years, started another family behind her back and even had a child with another woman and proceeded to hide that child for around 2 years until we found out ourselves. I’m so sad for my mum, my heart hurts for how much she’s been through and how bad my dad is adamant on making her look. My heart hurts for the little daddy’s girl in me from decades back that thought that her dad loved her more than anything when it’s just not true. I’ve always known my dad wasn’t a good person but for some reason, I feel like he hasn’t just offended me but my precious mum, and the 3 year old child in me who loved her dad more than anything. I’ve never been in as much mental pain as I am in right now and I just had to let it all out. I’m sorry for putting this all on you. Also I really love everything you write, you’re incredibly talented ❤️

OH ANON I'M SORRY THIS IS JUST NOW GETTING POSTED! I responded to your ask (below) and thought I hit 'Post now' but instead it saved it to my drafts and I had no idea it didn't post until going through my drafts just now to find something.

Family stuff is so hard. Believe me, I get it. My dad and I don't get along well at all and life is easier without him around. I rarely speak to him and see him even less.

I'm sorry you're going through any of this. It sounds like you have some toxic family members and you're being a huge support to your mom (even if you don't feel like it) but taking her side and just loving her. She'll always remember you being by her.

It's okay to love your dad and miss him as he once was but you're also aware of what kind of person he is now and can keep your distance if that's what winds up being the best thing.

I know none of that helps but I'm always willing to listen. I wish you well, anon!

xoxo

[dynamicks]

Happy disability pride month

Thank u mom for making me feel like a stupid fucking good for nothing idiot who never does the bare minimum of simply having presence of mind when i forget where i put something

Thanks for making me feel like im a worthless piece of shit for not being good at being aware of my surroundings. For telling me i dont try to. For telling me im just not choosing to get a grip.

Thank you for your wrath whenever i forget to put something back exactly the way it was before (even though i just put it in the same area just in a spot below or next to it). For making me feel like im a selfish unlovable child because im not "considerate enough to remember it."

Thank you mom for your wrath every time i said something hurts me, telling me im too sensitive or im being selfish or outrageous and accusing her of being evil just for expressing my pains.

Thank you for making me feel like im such a failure of a daughter unworthy of affection and warmth that i hardly ever asked for anything and kept my wants to myself.

Thank you for making me feel so ashamed of being human that I now feel either too scared or too exhausted to exist in the same room as you that I opt to skip meals whenever I know you're in the kitchen.

Thank you for shaping me in this way from childhood that I now can't face the world without crippling fear of piercing judgment and being imperfect that i now lay stagnant and incapable of moving on with my life without some sort of intervention.

Thank you for calling depression and other mental conditions something "made up."

Thank you for recent times when I realized I have ADHD and explain myself for always undermining me with "everybody does that" and "that happens to everyone" without thinking about the way it could be different for me.

Thank you for making me feel so crazy and selfish that I now can't get the intervention I need to get better and face the world without fear of you considering and treating me more like a burden than anything worth affection and warmth for costing money for it. And the fear of being more invalidated if it doesn't give immediate results.

I love you mom for all the material things you give to me and the food and the freedom to go outside whenever wherever with whoever in a way that you use all this to weaponize against me whenever I have the "gall to complain."

I love you!