#dear mom

[blabbershere]

Unsaid Words and Heavy Feelings

[dear-narcissistic-mom]

Dear Mom,

I learned I love to do things like cook and clean

Turns out I didn't like the way YOU were teaching me.

[theereina]

*not my poem but relatable

[miranalvjy]

Take me away

Take me away from myself, Far away from this bastard. The girl inside me has been dead, For the longest time I've been lead. Mother's been an owner of my life, Not a single word from my mouth. My thoughts were driven by her, Said things I would never mean. So take me away from myself, This bastard's not my own soul. Get me back the old me, That innocent, not yet traumatised girl. Would I be enough then? Be your Barbie, find a Ken... Have straight A's, wear pink, don't curse, Will I be enough without my personality? Take away every inch of the real me, Crush every dream, stomp down on me. I'm just a mannequin, waiting to be dressed, Put the words in my mouth, let me spit them out, get revenge. I seek the moment when I will speak my mind, Say all the truth about you, my words freeing themselves. I'm not stabbing your back, it's what I truly think, Even tho I hate you sometimes, you're my dear mother, I love you dearly. A mother should support, give love, be there, Not you, you are only driven by my blood. Cut open my heart, bleed out my sweetness, Take me away from myself, far from this catastrophie. Swore you will give all to me, How about love? You never cared to give. Told me I'm the greatest, then called me names, Why am I the one you take out anger on? I should have loved myself, now I got the scars on my thighs, Maybe the things you yell after me do have an effect on me. Shout all you want I don't feel anymore, Take me away from this hell. Let me try and crawl all the way back, Let me see if there's any hope left. As I float in oblivion, lying numb in bed, Take me far from myself, so I can find a way back. Search for the help you never gave, I might as well do, and create a new me. As you robbed me of the chance to have one, One of those things people call reality. The darkness comforts my now soul, I embrace it, a dear friend, the emptiness saved me. So as they pull me apart, away from myself, I don't scream, I just accept my fate. Take me away from myself, I'd be too powerful, if not crazy. Being normal just doesn't suit me, Hate me, push me away, I'm scared to see who I'd be. Overthinking each time you say you love me, Is it really true or are you forcing it? Do not answer, it's better like this, I have my own thoughts, if you'd really care. They took me away from myself, Is this the way to heaven? If so, please don't take me there, Hell's been waiting, I am due to there. Will say bye as I walk on the edge, Now is the time to take my last breath. I fell to the ground, no more pain, Said goodnight to you, mother, farewell. I walked away from myself, they all stare, The numb lady on the way to hell. I can still hearyour cries as I walk to the gate, Never told you enough, what you meant to me. Hadn't had the time to be the way, Never meant to ruin your daughter. This is good-bye, will you stay alive? I hope you do, and redo all the moves, Be my last at my first, this is the day I'll rebirth.

HERE I AM WITH ANOTHER GUT WRENCHING POET EHEHHEHEHEHEH. We all know who I meant this one for... This is a pretty old one too, not really old but heyyyy it's all fine now. (or is it? i wrote this masterpiece on Oct, 2nd this year... so who knows) I hope you like it, and I hope you do NOT relate, if you do... I'm sorry, if you wanna talk my DMs are always open <3 Reblog if you want to, or give it a note (or better, don't even interact) I just hope you read it... I love you all, and don't forget to take care, it's okay to take a break, and as Yungblud said "Cause parents ain't always right!" (I might or might not be posting more poets soon...)

[disease]

KRISTEN WELLES BARTLEY | DEAR MOM [2021]

[bending-sickle]

me: *sick in spring*

mom: i want to paint the walls (so you do it)

me: *sick right now*

mom: i want to get rid of this potted tree (so you do it)

and it’s like…i physically cannot right now. i am not going to uproot and transplant a whole ass tree et al. when i am sick as a dog and it doesn’t have to be done today.

[dissociationdude]

DEAR MOM

[loz3rliterature]

Dear mom, if you see this, which I doubt you will, then you should see all my posts. Maybe you'll realize how I actually feel. How much I'm hurting. Or maybe you'll continue being ignorantly oblivious.

[drakinq]

Winthrop Harbor , IL

9:45 PM

Dear Mommy,

How are you not here anymore? Some days I just can’t fathom it. How am I here, how is life moving forward, without you here? How am I still not sure that you’re not coming back? It’s been 5 months and still doesn’t feel real. I have so much I wanna tell you. I have dreams we are reunited and I get so excited to tell you everything that’s going on and you tell me that you already know because you’ve been watching me. I hope you’re watching me. I hope you can see me and are smiling watching me. I hope there’s more you can do for me in heaven than on earth. I miss everything about you. Everything I use to complain about, I miss terribly. I miss your laugh, I miss your embrace, I miss the way you play your music loud. I miss your dancing. I miss your introspection. I miss your humor. I miss your insight. I miss your dedication to becoming the best version of you possible. Right now I’m in a moment of feeling like I don’t know how I’m gonna go on without you. When I have a good long productive day, at the end of the night when it’s time to go bed, my heart hurts. I’m missing a whole piece of me. The person I want to call and share my day with is gone. The person I want to call to give me guidance is gone. The person who gave me life is gone. & I’m here left with all this guilt of wishing I was a better daughter, friend, listener and support in your life. I wish I was more patient, understanding and kind. I wish I extended the same grace to you that you did to me. Mommy when I tell you I don’t know how I’m gonna go on without you, I really mean that. I pray you visit me in my dreams and tell me how to get through this. The only thing that brings me peace is knowing you are at rest and after having to battle these demons anymore. Me on the other hand? How am I suppose to battle them, now that my #1 supporter is gone?

[dearestmother]

Dearest mother,

I would send you flowers everyday if you were still alive. I’m so sorry for what I’ve done. Please forgive me.

Love,

Your adoring daughter

[relief-permission]

Something very emotional I need to express.

Warning: mention of self harm

My sweet little girl.

So alone in this big dark world.

So helpless to the things being done to you.

The things they did to you.

The things you do to you.

You never dared to cry or shout.

You always smiled because, even when it hurts that way you hoped they wouldn't stop loving you.

You never dared to talk back.

You always feared of being alone.

You always feared of being hurt.

But now after all your effords, you have to realise that because you didn't cry, because they didn't let you, that everything was a waste of energy.

And now your sitting in this dark room that looks just like your fathers house with scars on your arms, tears in your eyes, begging for god to help you while deep inside you know very well that no one will come to safe you.

You're to old.

You're to big.

You now have to take care of yourself.

And them.

[dear-narcissistic-mom]

Dear Mom, if only I had known this then. Maybe I wouldn't be so damaged.

[someonedairy]

Querida madre

Supieras la tristeza que evocas en mi. Dime, ¿Cuál era tu intensión ofreciéndome comida si al rechazarla me ibas a felicitar? No te entiendo. Me haces llorar. Me haces odiarme.

Quiero bajar de peso, estoy viendo todos los tips y dietas posibles. Mamá, comencé a medir mis calorías, empezaré a pesarme todos los días, a tomar 2L de agua como mínimo.

Quiero ser una princesa.

Mamá ¿Por qué me siento tan miserable entonces? Si mi cuerpo es lo que me acompleja. ¿Por qué comenzar a hacer algo para cambiarlo hace que me de tanto asco? Me desagrado.

Mamá, otra vez saqué el espejo de mi pieza. Supieras el asco que me da ver mi cuerpo, lo obesa que me veo, lo deforme de mi abdomen y mis brazos. Mamá, me quiero volver a amar pero no sé como.

Y tu de nuevo ¿Por qué te apareces tanto últimamente? Estas ganas de abrirme los brazos, quiero agarrar de nuevo esa tijera y pasármela fuerte, varias veces, una y otra vez, como un disco rayado. Hasta ver rojo corriendo, y debajo del rojo ver blanco. Lo anhelo y lo sueño. A veces pienso que lo necesito. Otras veces solo quiero sentir algo más fuerte que mis pensamientos retumbando en mi pecho.

Tú. Ganas de marcar cada parte de mi cuerpo que encuentro desagradable. Tú. Ganas de volver a tener vendas en todas partes y usar mangas pegadas a los brazos, calzas pegadas a las piernas. Así al moverme poder sentir cada roce con las marcas que dejaron tus abrazos de pluma. Tus besos de hierro y dibujos de cicatriz.

Mamá, este sentimiento de que voy a recaer es cada vez más constante, cada vez me cuesta más mantenerlo a raya.

Quiero que alguien me abrase y me ayude a sostener mi cuerpo, mi asqueroso y pesado esqueleto lleno de grasa y basura. Viseras putrefactas que se ven por cada poro. Soy una mentira, una mentira que comenzará a dejar de comer, una mentira que comenzará a hacer ejercicio y probar si así puedo quererme.

Se supone que no hacía nada porque sentirme horrible en este cuerpo era mejor que de verdad intentar algo. Ahora estoy intentando hacer algo para cambiarlo pero llevo un día y solo quiero cortarme y llorar.

¿Será por que lo estoy haciendo desde un enfoque erróneo? Es lo más probable.

Quiero ser una princesa, no estar sana.

Quiero sentirme bonita, quiero verme delgada.

¿Eso me hará feliz?

Poder ver mis clavículas, mis manos huesudas y mis caderas marcadas. ¿Eso es lo que quiero?

Creo que si, aunque eso me haga llorar y sentirme miserable.

Supongo que es el precio a pagar.

Mamá, si soy delgada ¿Serás más feliz? ¿Dejarás de decirme que estoy gorda? Si bajo de peso, ¿Volverás a ofrecerme comida que en realidad te hace más feliz que rechace por las calorías que tiene?

Hubieras visto tu sonrisa. Después de tantos días enojada conmigo y sin decirme el por qué. ¿Podré sacarte otra sonrisa si vuelvo a rechazar la comida?

Siempre te molesta algo nuevo. como si siempre no pudiera ser suficiente. Por lo menos para ti.

Dime mamá ¿Cómo puedo hacerte feliz?

00:28hrs

27/03/2024

[diary-about-issuses]

Diary Entry 11

Dear Mom,

By the time I was 4, I could understand hell. It was constant torture. It was unending, unbearable pain. It was the pressure I felt at home. The constant overwhelming fear that something was going to go wrong, and I would feel the echoes of that pain for days. it was the need to starve myself to feel something other than the uncomprehendable anxiety I didn't have words to express. It was the knowledge that no matter how hard I tried, how hard I learned and studied and cried; I would never fit in with my peers. It was everything I knew and everything I will never be able to express.

Now, I am 22 and I still can't understand heaven, but I am starting to. It's not gold streets, and white marble buildings. It's not singing praise to God. No.

It's the sparkle in my boyfriend's eyes when he sees me. It's they way I can look at myself in the mirror and no longer see my faults. It's the way sodas coated with friends laughter is always sweeter. Heaven is not having to apologize and giving myself permission to do something. Heaven is the bittersweet tatse of doing something new and failing. It's the way the breeze cools me off. It's the I never have to doubt my boyfriend's love. It's the way I feel like I can take a deep breath.

Heaven is the freedom I found in the small moments.

[jyczrn]

11.17.23

2/8

dear mom,

i'm amazed of how strong you are right now.

knowing that the tumor got smaller with just 1 session, how much healing will it take til you can safely remove it? i am already happy with the progress!

i'm also grateful to my siblings, specially you @jeanjotsit. you don't know how much weight was being lifted off of my shoulder just by existing.

[bending-sickle]

me: i woke up at 6:20 today

my mother: [knowing full well i sleep with ear plugs to not hear my father’s snores through the walls, as bitchily as possible]: did you hear your father snoring?

me: no, because ear plugs.

mom: well i know how long *i* slept. [translation: i was woken up early by your father’s snores and that’s what matters] me: [after a moment] why do you talk to me like this?

mom: oh here we go.

[brief interlude]

mom: daughter, i just remembered i have to go to Town for the medical thing—

me: [listening but still getting my breakfast toast paraphernalia because she’s driving me to the gym and i can’t dilly dally or i’ll get yelled at]

mom: —are you even listening? why are you so rude?!

me: i was literally listening and you were literally still talking, why are you getting mad at me again?!

[brief interlude the second]

mom: if you’re coming with me, i’m leaving at exactly ten a.m. [translation: we always leave at this hour but now the punishment for existing is the threat of leaving me if i am 0.5 seconds late]