#a bit personal? yikes
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something smells like shit, and it ain’t me buddy
#a bit personal? yikes#i am!! SCREEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAM#HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA#people really do make up their own shit to make themselves. feel better huh??#lovebombing gaslighting cunts see how fragile I am and just HAHAHAH clamp down#and then when they don’t get away with their shit anymore#you’re the bad one :) aHAHAH im laughing#LAUGHING#none of this shit is being brought further into this year#HAVING BOUNDARIES DOESNT MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON#AND YOU HAVE TO VOICE THOSE so you don’t waste months of your life#telling someone things you’ve never told anyone#sharing personal VERY PERSONAL THINGS with them#god i wish i never let them get to know me like that#i am not a bad person#and i will forever say that :) i tried :)#which is much more than they can say :) and their friends enabling their behaviour is so wild LMAO#but hehe okay :3#my friends think you’re a gaslighting piece of shit too <3#but i suppose only one set of our friends got the WHOLE story <3#ok im done :) no more shitty indirect posting#no more letting anons get to me#i no longer have any feelings that are positive towards That Person#so please leave me alone lmfao#when they can’t say anything else they’ll just start lying. it’s cool#there’s a difference between lying and keeping parts of your life offline#not everyone feels so desperate for attention that they have to post their every thought for strangers to see#on the internet
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Inktober 2024 day 10
Been listening to the jello dubs and tbh they're right.
One thing about the postal service, is it's taught me that a lot of adhd and autistic adults have found their home in running the same routes every day and I think that'd suit mae
#Nitw#night in the woods#Nitw mae#mae borowski#Inktober#Inktober 2024#Doodles#Lined#Ngl nothing is better than meeting ur need to run an someone that's autistic with adhd#It feels so painfully good#That motion paired with the same actions. Immaculate#Does it mean I'm happy with my job? Nah#But it does feel reeaaaally good though#If anything if then kept the start times the same yah#I'd be staying#It just feels so good#Routes I know#Organising post and parcels. Loading the van#Delivering an entire van load of stuff to the point of empty#It feels good and it's what I think mae would enjoy#The movement is a bit part of it simply because I jump fences I think though#I ain't walking round ur fence#That aside a painful amount of my coworkers are either adhd or autistic. I have no right or tell them but christ#Some folk have been doing the same run for 15+ years and they love it#They know every pref of the person they're delivering to and every shortcut to work with the numbers#If that isn't autism idk what is#Like I can ask#Hey what duty is 5 whatever main street on and people know#Tldr main streets r normally split up and hard to remember where one starts and ends and yikes I know a chunk but not like that
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people who watch the found family show when there is in fact found family in the show: why is there found family in my show? like. so much of this reads as bizarre, heteronormative rhetoric which is such an insane thing to perpetuate a) about a show where found family is its very core, b) to a fandom that is largely inhabited by queer folk and c) in a world where family is so often what you make it and what they make it for you. for some reason it's fine to refer to bobby as buck's dad but not to refer to buck as christopher's, when like. they inhabit very similar roles. it's almost like being a parent isn't about checking boxes but about the love and support you give them. like, just say what you really mean instead of spouting whatever all that is.
#buddie#also implying that being a parent is predominantly about how much you can offer financially is uh yikes#but that's all a bit personal for me so i shan't say more#911
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just came out if loustat ao3 tag... maaaaan it does look bleak for bottom lestat enjoyers. my feed is literally just "bottom louis bottom louis feminization mpreg abo bottom louis"... and so on ad nauseam
sophie you are my only hope :')
It's certainly a fandom with preferences, haha
#this is neither here nor there but i feel like there's been an increase in pregnancy fics in every fandom lately?#it's pretty interesting#i kinda get it thematically with iwtv even if its not for me personally#but it's been in fandoms that have surprised me#although maybe it shouldn't#given a baby is sold as a part of the HEA in romance broadly#when i was writing a lot for gg i used to get it prompted in my inbox almost like clockwork#not really related to your ask but on the pregnancy thing#i've been a bit disturbed lately by the men who've made movies with forced pregnancy / pregnancy body horror this year?#like i guess it didn't really surprise me in alien romulus#but i saw beetlejuice beetlejuice on tuesday night and yikes??#it's just weird given the rollback on women's rights at the moment particularly around body autonomy#a tiny part of me wonders if that has anything to do with what feels like a surge in mpreg stuff at the moment#but then again i think maybe it's just the romance trope too#does any of this make any sense haha sorry my brain is fried#iwtv fic
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okay, i'm not saying that feeding barton would just straight up diffuse barton's need for being a murderous gremlin because that is just so deeply ingrained him in now that it's not even funny, but i'm also not saying if you — say — placed a quesadilla in front of barton right before he was about to do about something horrible to someone... that there couldn't be at least a bit of a chance he would think about eating that instead
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#ooc post.#SKSKS no because barton IS the type of terrible character to possibly kill people just bc he's hangry and doesn't realize it#but OFC... this would unfortunately maybe happen like once or twice over the years bc barton CAN be affected by how he's feeling-#physically when he uhhh. Decides whether or not to kill someone as horrible as that sounds#but most of the time it's due to how unhinged he is and/or because he is a sadist and also delusional which is... yeah YIKES#though i feel like even if Barton had the want to change thing's for himself / turn over a new leaf so-to-speak...#he would REALLY have to address that delusional part because that is not a joke OFC though i know the rest of this post is pretty unserious#barton is just. yeahhh basically what i'm trying to say is it would take a LOT more than just food to convince him to not kill people on a-#permanent basis though i know that y'all may already know that ahahhh. but yeah I'm just being a bit sillay here and talkin' about how-#barton lovesss food so like. you never know perhaps it could happen if he didn't hate this person enough but IDK JSJSJ
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writing characters who slip in and out of english and hindi is really fun but i need to rein myself in because otherwise i will use so much hindi–especially just random individual words here and there–that it must be an absolute chore to read because you're constantly translating/checking the end notes for translations. im so sorry. whatever i post is the held back version and it's probably still a chore. rip.
#fic: fic rec#hinglish writing#sorryyyy#i personally love sitting side by side with google translate though#but unfortunately i google translated some of whatever ive written and google does not get it perfectly... yikes...#you'll have to just trust me <3#honestly though don't blame me#it's effie and monty#they're the ones talking in hindi babes#let's just treat it as a culture exchange...#that's a bit of a theme in this fic anyway
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I finally saw the mean girls musical (the movie one) I have so many fucking thoughts oh my god
#thoughts#oni talks#mean girls 2024#I think I may be the only person to kind of like it? like don’t get me wrong it is kinda ROUGH but it has so much potential and there’s bits#and pieces that I actually really enjoy or wish they had more of or just aahh#I’ve been nonstop thinking about the ideal version in my head like there’s so much potential obviously I’m biased by like a lot#since for one I know I tend to like stuff other people hate or don’t like but for two this sequel was weirdly way more relatable so maybe#I’m just projecting from my own personal experiences but Idc the POTENTIAL THERES SO MUCH ID WANNA DO INSTEAD#like there’s so many little details and characterizations that I wish was expanded on or fleshed out and it’s just like it feels like either#half baked or that it’s gone through too many edits it’s like it’s scared to exist?? like there’s some differences I love and wish they lol#leaned into but it’s like it was terrified to be too different? or like they were rushing the end especially#like in my ideal form it’s a tv show coz I think they honestly have enough that could be genuinely expanded in a way more interesting way#via that format probably not like a super extended series like you COULD but you’d definitely need more expansion but I could see the potent#but like idk one SOLID musical season with expanded character story and not like one of those rush cram shows like a good solid one#like Regina’s characterization is so fascinating but also feels like slightly off and like they could’ve leaned way more into things?#like I think keeping Regina as a closeted lesbian gives the greatest potential and interest for an expanded story#like I loved maybe the first half of the movie the most like that one song she sang to manipulate Aaron would work so much more perfectly if#she’s singing it about/to Cady? I also think in my ideal brain an cool flashback episode for Janis and Regina would be so cool coz there’s#so much you could flesh out in a flashback than you could in a retelling which while I do like the retelling since it lets you imagine thing#I just! potential! I also want more of them interacting and I do think changing Janis to be a lesbian works if they leaned more into it?#I also think in my ideal form janis would have more comeuppance or acknowledgement of her shit? I also think an arc of Regina coming out#like one thing they missed from the original is Regina playing soccer at the end & I think they could hint more towards that and maybe lean#more into her at home life in an expanded story way coz her mom is clearly like… yikes. granted maybe some of my views on the movie are too#biased by personal experience but like the way she snaps at her mom usually in my experience isn’t out of nowhere? like parents behind#closed doors. or frustrations with what her mom has clearly been putting on her the way she tells her mom not to talk about her body is very#like idk a lot of the characters in this version feel more real to me bc they act really similar to people I know irl so the expanded story#could be cool. another one that in my ideal brain would have more is Gretchen and especially her relationships with Regina as well as with#that one guy and her parents I wanna see more of how that works and her arc to feel more meaningful when she dumps him & mentions family#also as much as I didn’t care much for the straight plot stuff there’s 100% missed potential there that I could see in the differences like#iirc in the original it’s regular algebra not AP calc which I think could’ve been used as an interesting characterization opportunity for
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god joss whedon's writing style is so grating to me nowadays lol. it's a little sad bc i did used to like some of his stuff when i was much younger but now most of it is just unwatchable to me ':[
#maddie meows#inspired by me watching some firefly clips on youtube yesterday and not being even the tiniest bit charmed lol#nostalgia: OBLITERATED#it's for the best#i think his stuff would be largely ruined for me nowadays regardless just considering the person he is#but wow it is just extremely not good or funny to me anymore even a little!!! yikes
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hang on I'm starting an "alfred critical" tag
#feeling a bit bad#i dont wanna use the anti tag tho#btw i have nothing against people making him a better person in their interpretations/aus#but in canon...#yikes 😬
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it went so terribly wrong
#allister pokemon#gym leader allister#killing this guy#my art vro#i drew this when i was sad. so if it looks a bit off thats why ❤️ also my pen was being fuckity too so yikes#allisters life has gone terribly wrong i think!#dude has traummmmaa. he needs to sort it out#i personally think allister died from the same thing that like. killed his parents since i think hes an orphan#plus he was mentioned to have died/walked close to deaths doorstep in masters#so like. i love this dude. he needs a hug though
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#i write letters to myself to open in the future#like i wrote one in middle school to open upon high school graduation#and one around high school graduation to open around college graduation#and then one around college graduation to open now. 5 years later#and my god.#i had such high hopes for how much of life i'd have figured out 😭#there's literally a bit where i write:#'so do you ever figure it out? not life but parts of it. love most notably. that one i can't seem to get right.'#and like. yikes. how to break it to my 21yo self that i have it 0% more figured out#and my main relationship drama is with the same person#i'm soooo. need to meet someone and fall in love immediately thanks#i don't usually feel time pressure but that. that made me feel it#bella things
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2023 reads
The Last
slow building apocalyptic thriller
an american academic is at a conference in a remote Swiss hotel when a nuclear apocalypse strands him with just 20 others
50 days in, a body is found in a watertank and he becomes obsessed with investigating to find out who did it
even though the remaining people are just trying to quietly survive as supplies slowly dwindle and the winter approaches
#the last#hanna jameson#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#so I read this because there’s an aromantic side character!#she’s an interesting/complex character who has a friends w benefits thing with the MC#a few stereotypes but like she actively counters them#the only weird thing about it is that it’s implied she’s a republican who voted for the ppl who started the nuclear war…..#like. would a right wing person identify as aro lmao#but also like i’m okay with not all ‘representation’ being good people.#as for the rest of the actual book i found it quite interesting overall!#i enjoyed that it wasn’t just 'fighting dangerous people to survive' immediately like a lot of the postapoc genre#(though i wonder how much food they had to be fine for 2 months??)#though there is a bit of that in places when they leave the hotel#a lot of interesting characters and like.....discussion on what different kinds of people would do in that situation#the australian accent (audiobook) of the australian character…..not sure about that LMAO#also I don’t believe the internet would still function after half the world has blown up? like this thing needs upkeep right#there’s a bit where the MC is talking to two dudes who start talking like: so are we gonna repopulate society?#and being creepy about the women. and the MC is obviously like: yikes!#but also nobody even suggests like……we could just die? without repopulating humanity whatever the fuck that means?#why is that concept not even brought up?????? i am horrified that anyone would consider having children in that scenario. christ.#anyway i guess yeah overall a few things im like hm about but it's a pretty good book#aromantic books#(also the MC has a wife on the other side of the world but like. there's not any actual romance. his thing with the aro woman is offpage)
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hmmm what if i rework my m.ha oc’s a lil bit… lil guest muses until i catch up… what if i really go off the deep end and just add muses as i please bc that makes me happy… what if…
#also what if i just got this blog reorganized again bc man i need to do that#in general i need to do a big list but baby steps!! bc there’s a lot for me to juggle rn!!#anyway i’m on the way home and contemplating my oc’s 💜#gears are turning and i guess it really is the year of rediscovering old hyper fixations :’ )#i’m gonna sit on my mha oc’s a bit longer bc i wanna make some decent changes — like hekima is a lil too similar to hyouka in personality#just realizing they both have names starting with ‘h’ too asdgj#and my villain maemi… love u baby but you need a fresh take and maybe?? a different quirk bc YIKES!!#it wasn’t cringe but it was very dark for the source material it felt like? but we’ll see#ANYWAY!!! see y’all soon 💜#get ready to ramble | ooc
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lmao sometimes you get through a book and the only reason it wasn't a COMPLETE waste of time is because it did something Supremely Neat(tm) with structuring, so at least your writer!Brain gets to chew on that for a while
#text#personal#books#writing#anyway im not tagging the title or author here because she is in face on tumblr and that's Mean#but like. yikes.#what a pointless angry hopeless gratuitously violent meaningless book lmao#ma'am get some therapy cuz that was a vent session that did not need to enter the world...#there were a couple scary bits toward the beginning but. honestly mostly i was Bored#i didnt care about either character#needed more haunted house#needed NOT to push fascism off onto a fucking building lolol#needed more than a hatefuck of reconciliation#anyway it was just. very stupid. and i am tired#it felt like the author working through her own trauma. which!! valid!! understandable!!! healthy!!#but like.not in a way that was enlightening for me to see. it felt like a soapbox rant and like self-loathing NOT like a novel i paid $ for#i wish i had kinder things to say but i should just sleep
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random heads up since ik some people hate mistor samgladiator yadda yadda i respect your choices to not like him or whatever but just fyi i myself do not hold ANY opinion on that whole situation so if you're strictly dni on people who support or aren't against him or whatever just keep that in mind before interacting! i enjoy sam's content personally so if you don't like that hi feel free to not interact, and stay safe pookies i care y'all smsm <3
#inkys bittersweet rambles#like i never got too deep into the drama surrounding him so im a bit clueless to why EXACTLY he's hated but...#well. to me personally it doesn't matter i'm just here to enjoy the stuff i like#okay you can say a lot of the jokes in yhs were. weird and distasteful and the triggering topics were kinda yikes! buuuuuut. but.#im an enjoyer of darker content in media and i always have been <3 warning warning for all my lovelies and randoms seeing my profile#OFC YOURE still free to int even if u have opposing views i could not care less!! as long as you know your boundaries have fun go crazy her#i don't really have a dni just don't. be overly freaky about darker tropes in fiction thats all really
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August… time to get spooky.
#dadbots.txt#this has been in my draft for... almost a month. Yikes.#I’ve been dissociating hella hard these past months or something. swear I don’t remember time moving this fast. maybe it’s just me tbh.#idk what to say about July other than… boring? not much happened and I don’t really remember it if I’m honest. just. mm. shrugs.#best way to describe it LOL#been sleeping a LOT lately and I think it’s fatigue again. was it like anything before? no. not at that rate (yet) but just.#where you wanna sleep and sleep and sleep type of fatigue. you never feel rested and just gotta sleep it off kinda.#just one of those moments yknow.#it sucks. all I’m doing is letting the days pass me by and ‘missing out’ on living life when I could be enjoying it. but I lost interest -#- in doing so for months - years now due to personal health matters. And whaddya know - it came back again. after months of healing.#I'm pretty pissed as it does feel like a slap in the face. but you win some - you lose some. Gonna try and fight through it.#I wrote something at the beginning of august but that got deleted. Had a breakdown and thought huh. what a great way to start the month -#and now it's almost september. Just like that. What a month it's been. Stuck on what else to say but that really.#don't want to keep talking about depressing stuff as that's what i used to do and realized hey. maybe you should stop doing that so often#and not use it so casually in humor and/or stuff. Even though I reblog vents here n' all. but yknow.#maybe it is hypocritical. but that's not the point. Just want to reflect and see if i've changed since coming back to the web after a year.#not like it's going bad. just wished this year was a bit more optimistic. Last year was rough & i'm afraid this year will be another repeat#though I did come out to a family member this month and that was like a punch to the gut. Considering my status with them and all.#won't get into that. for now let's just say i'm not too close with them. An impulsive choice on my end but hey. it went well.#and that's what matters tbh. My younger self would've thought i was actually insane. like to even DO that? really?#shocking. I'm still not over that moment. Probably one of my biggest achievements this year.#I'll update this if anything else comes to mind. none of this make sense and that's ok. clearing my mind right now.#let's see what september has in store for me. Hopefully it'll get better as things slow down w/ winter on its way.#hope y'all enjoyed your summer. 🖤🤘🏽
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