#Zim looking very human in these

[qingwaaa]

Ugh not these bitches again

[mrehkka]

This is a Zim who's universe-hopped (perhaps a zim that made it out of the ZimVoid?) and ends up finding an earth that is zim-less so he sticks around. Dib isn't around anymore in his home universe so it caught him by surprise

Dib is still on his zim-is-sus kick... but he's noticing some differences. Which honestly just makes him more suspicious of him lmao

[vootrunner]

Watching through the show for the 1 millionth time and I just realized the episode Plague of Babies is infinitely funnier when you realize that Zim probably had genuinely not realized (at least by that point) that human infants are like a new level of harmless in the levels of fuck all they can do compared to irken infants who literally have all of their society's knowlege plugged into their brains minutes after being born, I know it might be a sorta "no duh" thing but It's 5 in the morning and I thought it was very funny silly to think about

[vermwerm]

hiii made another crackfic

[inbarfink]

There’s just something about the fact that Zim reads as So Autistic. Like, both in the sense that it’s easy to map his experiences as an alien secretly living on earth to Autistic experiences:

A lack of understanding of social cues and conventions

The Anxieties of feeling like you have to fit in some arbitrary social standards or Something Bad will happen

Unusual sensory sensitivities

Pickiness about food

General alienation

Even the whole ‘fully grown alien disguised as a human child but he’s so immature he basically acts like a child’ shtick can really resonate with a sort of Growing Up Autistic Feeling of… being both far too mature and childish for your age at the same time.

And also in the sense that even in the context of comparing him to other Irkens...

He has problems with volume control

And possibly audio processing

And definitely with emotional regulation

And is extremely impulsive 

And uses very unusual wordings and turn-of-phrases 

And experiences sensory overloads.

And these aren't even Alien Things. That's just Zim being Zim. So he can be read as a metaphor for being Autistic and also as just having the Irken Equivalent of Autism

AND ALSO

His human arch-enemy Dib also has SO MUCH AUTISM VIBES

Like being single-mindedly obsessed with a special interest from a young age

(The part where his interests alienate him from his peers at school and he only finds companionship with an assortment of fellow weirdos of various ages he met online is something I find especially relatable for my own experiences)

Also having problems with reading social cues 

And a tendency to rant and info-dump

AND ALSO ALSO 

There’s also Gaz

Who is ALSO single-mindedly obsessed with a singular subject

And it’s something that always gives her something to do with her hands

And avoid eye-contact 

Which she generally prefers to avoid

And also seems to dislike any sort of physical touch

And either expresses her emotions in a way that is terribly understated or overstated

And it could also apply to their dad too, who’s been obsessed with science stuff from a young age

And also doesn’t seem to do so well with social interactions

Outside of just, like, me looking back at my Autistic-but-unaware-of-it middle-school ass imprinting on this show and being like “oh yeah, That Makes Sense” - it’s also kinda darkly hilarious how this show is basically about two autistic boys who just fucking hate each other to death (plus one of the boys' extremely autistic and extremely dysfunctional family). I mean, in the real world Autistic Solidarity is so incredibly important, obviously. But Invader Zim, a show that was everything to me as a lil autistic teenager is all about that sweet sweet Autistic Hostility.

[aquaticwolfkuri]

You HATE Me, But I Hate YOU More: ch.6

“hehe….hahaha….Hahahaha….HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!” Zim laughs, completely impressed by his new and genius EVIL plan. It was just too perfect, so evil, that only someone as great as him could have come up with it, other than Minimoose of course.

The plan? Ruin Dib’s prom night by asking Plotty to go with HIM instead of the Dib-Human. Yes, the plan is very amazing.

“NOW to attend Skool like the good and filthy human that I am!” Zim says, throwing on his disguise before heading out the door. Gir and Minimoose wishing him the best of luck.

Everyone gathered by their lockers, gossiping and conversing about all sorts of things, ranging from rumors, boys, adult magazines, games, and many more stupid human things. Zim cared not for such things, and right now, his target was the ginger haired girl.

Thankfully she wasn’t too hard to spot, so Zim ruthlessly shoved anyone that got in his way.

“Oh, Hello Zim” The girl says, giving him a smile that nearly makes him gag.

“Yes, Hello…PLOTTY.”

“Did you need something? If your looking for Dib, he’s-”

“Z-Zim is not looking for the Dib-human!!!” Zim’s face starts to feel warm, trying NOT to remember his computer’s clearly INCORRECT calculations.

Plotty looks at him, feeling a bit awkward and confused… Zim can see this and quickly changes the subject.

“I was actually looking for YOU.” Zim says.

“Me?”

“Yes. You see… because of my condition, most of the other HUMANS, tend to pick on poor Zim, even making fun of my water allergy…. Now Zim has no one to go to prom with…” Zim says in the most soap opera way possible, even going so far as to fake the tears welling up in his eyes.

“Oh, that’s awful… Of course I’ll go to prom with you Zim” She says, smiling brightly. Delighted, Zim thanked the girl, letting her know just how HAPPY she’d made him before making his way to class, laughing maniacally… but, unfortunately, he bumps into the back of a very familiar black coat. Dib turns around, giving him a very accusing look as he narrows his eyes.

“Zim, what did you do?? What are you planning this time?” 

“Well Dib, if you must know… the Plotty-girl will be going to prom with ME!!” Zim says, laughing again, but instead of Dib wallowing in Sarrow like he had imagined, Dib instead tackles him to the ground, attempting to strangle him.

"Zim, you little piece of shit!!” Dib yelled. Zim screamed and gagged, before finally kicking Dib in the groin, and pushing him off. Dib nearly sheds a tear, but he pushes through the pain and grabs Zim by the leg before he can get up.

“Z-Zim, I hope you know how much I HATE you right now!” He punches him, and Zim pulls his hair, biting into his arm. 

“I hate you MORE Dib!” Zim retorts back. They both continue to kick and fight as the other students gather around them, watching the live wrestling match, and pulling out their phones as they capture footage of the event; even Gaz.

“Zim you-....y….y-yaaaCHOOO!” Sneezing right into the alien’s tunic, Zim screams bloody murder, and thankfully, the principal arrives just in time with the other teachers to stop the fight from escalating, sending them both to the nurse's office.

“Dib… This behavior is completely unacceptable. This is the 4th time this week. You can't keep assaulting Zim just for being different.” The principal says, tired and frustrated. Dib is such a talented student, so gifted in fact, that he’s honestly being held back by being in high Skool and not Membrane Corp… yet his behavior was just out of control.

“It's Zim’s fault! He- Cough cough!”

“LIES! The Dib-human lies!-”

“Enough. Dib, your suspended from Skool for the rest of this week.” The principal says. This was the last thing Dib wanted to hear.

“B-But Principle Morals, Prom is THIS weak! A-And my Dad is going to be pissed if he finds out!” Dib says, trying not to have a meltdown

The principle sighs. “Fine. I’ll allow you to attend prom, but for the rest of the weak, you’ll be suspended from Skool… You can go home now.” The principal says before leaving the nurse's office. Dib falls back against the small bed, and groans.

“Fuck… Dad’s going to be pissed.” Dib groans, removing his glasses before rubbing his eyes, frustrated, and this morning's headache didn’t help. He can hear Zim cackling in delight and it only makes his headache throb.

He already didn’t feel good getting up this morning, and now he had to deal with this??? He never should have gotten out of bed… or maybe he should have exposed Zim sooner. In fact, he should just rip his wig off in the class hall, and force those stupid contact lenses off his eyes; then everyone could finally see what he is! They would HAVE to BELIEVE him! And then, after enduring so much of Zim’s shit, he could finally cut open the damn alien and study his organs to his heart's content.

“That’s right Dib, suffer like the pathetic- “ Dib grabs Zim’s face and sneezes. Zim screams and squirms.

“THE GERMS!!!”

“Fuck you Zim.” Dib grabs his glasses and walks out of the room as Zim continues to scream and squirm. He should have known, he should have fucking known Zim would pull some shit like this. No matter if Dib does something nice or mean, the alien always has to double down and make his life more miserable than it already was.

Dib just can’t ever get a break, he can’t ever just have anything go right! 

“Hey… I heard from the Principale… Dad’s gonna be pissed.”

“Yeah…Cough cough!... Hey Gaz… can we trade place?”

“What? And have me be stuck with Zim? No thanks. Besides, I don’t think there’s anyone else that could capture that guy’s attention more than you.” Gaz explains, but Dib raises a brow at this.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He asks, but Gaz just shrugs and doesn’t elaborate any further. 

“Anyway, you look terrible. Get plenty of rest once your home…”

“I will…”

Dib returns home after a miserably long walk, only to have his dad reprimand him as soon as he walks through the door, giving him the longest lecture before sending him to his room, and as punishment, he would not be given access to any of his paranormal possessions or TV shows. 

So Dib just lies in bed, letting his slowly forming fever consume him. He hated not having his things or knowing that Zim could be doing who knows what at Skool… and yet, he couldn’t help but feel relieved he wouldn’t have to bother with any of it anymore.

But you know what really pisses him off??? Is that he caught a shitty cold helping Zim out, only to get totally backstabbed! And why would Plotty go with Zim to prom anyway!? 

He just groans and rolls over in bed feeling miserable, feeling too sick to even be pissed anymore. “Cough cough cough! Ugh…. this fucking sucks…”

Later, his dad comes up to his bedroom and brings him a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some water. “Thanks dad…” Dib says, careful not to burn his tongue while eating his bowl of soup, but his dad takes a seat next to him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

“Son, I know being a teenager can be a difficult thing.”

“Dad, I’m fine.”

“You have so many new hormones inside you, making all sorts of chemical reactions.”

“Dad-”

“And sometimes those changes make us see people differently.”

“Dad, where are you going with this?”

“I know you must be so confused and maybe even frustrated. I know you and your little green friend used to be so close as kids, but sometimes things change when we get older.”

“We were never friends, dad.”

“Look son, I will always love you and I’m always proud of you. But bullying Zim is no way to get his attention. Just tell him how you really feel Dib. I know he’ll feel the same way” He say, patting his head before leaving the room, taking the empty soup bowl with him.

Dib nearly chokes, blushing “D-Dad, I don’t have a crush on Zim!!”

“Sure you don’t son…!” He says from downstairs, clearly humoring him.

“W-What the fuck??? Why would Dad think that???” Dib groans, falling back against his bed, coughing into his hands.

This can’t be happening… First Zim asks Plotty to Prom, then he gets suspended from Skool, and now his dad thinks he has a crush on Zim??? And why would his Dad think Zim would like him back??? Zim hates him!

But then he suddenly remembers yesterday when it rained… He thought he had seen Zim blushing… Gaz said something weird too, about him being the only one that could keep Zim’s attention… and then there's Zim’s disdain towards Plotty, like maybe he’s-....???

“No,no,no,no,no,no,no!! Zim is NOT in love with me!! I HATE Zim! And Zim would NEVER fall in love with me! ME of all people! I’m his greatest enemy! I’m a stinking disgusting human for crying out loud!!” Dib shouts, as if he was trying to reason with the universe and convince it that all of this was just some crazy misunderstanding.

“He’s an evil alien invader trying to conquer Earth! He’s loud, annoying, violent, green, and tiny! He’s proof that i’m not crazy…! He’s...the only thing that makes me feel… normal, kind of… I don’t have to hide my paranormal interests around him… UGH! What the fuck am I thinking?” Dib looks out the window, looking towards the stars for some kind of answer. He sighs and lays back down, setting his glasses aside and goes to sleep for the rest of the night.

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI/OLD WOMAN YURI TOURNAMENT

Do you love old man yaoi? Old woman yuri? Do you want to see your favorite old man yaoi and old woman yuri couples fight each other? to the death? Well here we are now.

(Btw we only do real gay elders here we are NOT calling dudes in their 30s old man yaoi. more info is in the form and under the read more)

This is my third time running a tournament; I also did @worstcharacterpoll and @youngersiblingstournament & both times i have gained more insight on how to run these properly LOL

well anyway ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS NOW vvv

submissions will close Jul 19 at 8:00 pm CST/Jul 20 at 1:00 UTC

Guidelines and stuff is below, but it's copy pasted in the submission form. Also please submit yuri

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES (Please read):

No real people even if it's really funny

No characters based on real people

Couples must be gay; if one of them is canonically nonbinary though, they will be allowed

No incest or abusive ships

I'll be vetting source material on a case-by-case basis, but just so we're clear I'm not putting Harry Potter or OFMD in the poll

There will be a maximum of one ship per source material in the poll. You can submit multiple ships from the same material, but only one will be allowed if it gets in

AGE GUIDELINES SECTION (because I keep seeing people use the term "old man yaoi" for couples in their 30s or even 20s):

THESE GO FOR BOTH PARTIES IN THE RELATIONSHIP

Human characters with a canon age must be at least 50. This also goes for characters that aren't human but age at the same rate as humans. Please double-check your characters' ages before you submit to save me some headache

If they don't have a canon age, they must look elderly.

No characters that have been de-aged (ex. Purah from Zelda).

For nonhuman characters that age at a different rate than humans: they must be old for their species (ex. Ravenpaw and Barley from Warrior Cats; Ravenpaw is the younger one, and is around the same age as Graystripe, who becomes old enough to retire as an elder).

For immortals/characters with very very long lifespans, they must look old (ex. Gandalf from Lord of the Rings would count; Hythlodaeus from Final Fantasy XIV would not).

Couples that will already be in the poll, so you don't need to submit them:

Fiddleford McGucket/Stanford Pines (Gravity Falls)

Hanayo Nishida/Yoshiko Dojima (Hanamonogatari)

Ravenpaw/Barley (Warriors)

Eda Clawthorne/Raine Whispers (The Owl House)

Couples already under consideration, but will depend on the other submissions if they get in the poll or not; you may submit your support for them if you want to see them:

Walter White/Mike Ehrmantraut (Breaking Bad) (keep in mind this one is mostly a joke)

Ms. Bitters/Countess von Verminstrassen (Invader Zim) (minor characters but I invented this one and I'm partial to it)

The Once-ler/The Lorax (Lorax 2012)

[averytallproblem]

LOOK AT WHAT OUR AMAZING ART HUMANS HAVE CREATED! These human pig smellies that will be helping to make future AVTP episodes got together to draw their mighty Irken overlords (except Dib) in their own artistic likeness! They call this a "draw this in your style" event. This earthoid event is quite peculiar, but seeing all of the styles together (except Dib) is very pleasing to Zim.

[irkenproperty]

So Dib, tell us a story of how you met your little feral Zim, Got to know each other, how did you communicate? all the way up to having babies😊

Beautiful mini-fic under cut by my BFF and very talented RP-partner @darthzadr , about how we RP'ed Zim and Dib's meeting, please read it!

Her fic commissions are open, btw!

🩷⬇️💙⬇️🩷⬇️💙⬇️🩷⬇️💙

Earth. A blue and green paradise teaming with life both too small to see with the naked eye, all the way up to enormous creatures great enough to snuff out those very lives beneath them with a single step. Luscious forests and greenery spread out as far as the eye could see, running for miles and miles until meeting with its lover, the ocean - and there were so many different oceans, too! Some were blue and alive, and nourishing to the entire planet. Some were yellow; oceans of sand stretching out towards the horizon and beyond that still, until eventually stumbling upon an oasis. There were even some oceans, according to his books, that were bright red and bubbling hot, so much so that a single touch was enough to melt flesh and bone. Truly, Earth was Eden's glorious garden.

Once upon a time.

Dib gazed into the old photo album and turned the page wistfully, and he quickly lost himself in the images again. Having been just shy of three years old upon departing Earth his memories of his home world were fading fast, and all he had to remember it by were the pictures in his books, his father's photo albums, and one very fuzzy memory: In that, there was no green whatsoever, only concrete and smoke, and a burning-red sky.  He vaguely recalled an enormous crowd swarming like flies on the final slab of meat upon a carcass stripped of flesh, all so desperate to escape the fast rotting planet they themselves had helped to destroy. The people had poured in from all across America, Mexico, and beyond to try and find salvation. Professor Membrane's great invention was just one of but a handful of ships around the world capable of deep-space travel, and Dib could remember watching the people from the control room alongside his father and wailing baby sister; they were screaming and begging for a place upon the ship already stretched beyond its capacity. “Aren't we going to let them in, daddy...?” Dib had asked curiously, and he couldn't understand why Professor Membrane didn't answer him, nor why he was crying just as much as Gaz was as the ship lifted up from the Earth's soil one last time and took flight, leaving the dying world far behind them.

To this day, Dib still didn't understand it.

With a sigh he closed the album and looked out the window instead, to the real greenery outside infinitely more interesting than the flat pictures. Life aboard the Marina was the world that Dib knew and remembered, and now, his world was extending to a whole new plain of existence outside. When first the ship had landed upon the strange soils only a select handful of Membrane's most trusted advisors were permitted to leave the safety of the Marina to explore the vast forests and its diverse ecosystem; to take pictures and bring back precious samples for Professor Membrane to study: plant matter, fresh produce, the strange bones of creatures yet unknown . . . After many, many moons – so many moons in fact, that Dib had lost count – it was determined that the environment was a suitable biome for humanity's survivors. Fences had been erected all around the ship to create a vast compound, allowing people to venture outside whilst keeping them all safe from the unknown that lay beyond in the jungle. At nightfall curfew began, and no one was allowed to set foot outside for fear of the dark.

In Dib's opinion, this was the very best time to go outside and play.

He opened up the bedroom window and slipped easily outside into a nearby tree. The branches were strong and sturdy, and Dib climbed down like it was second nature. He gasped as his bare feet touched the dew-sodden grass, and he jumped a little on the spot both from the excitement, and the alien sensation he still wasn't used to. There was no grass aboard the Marina, after all. There were green houses and gardens where they grew food plentiful enough to feed their people – but there was no space to run around or explore. Not like this; not like it was in the strange new world.

Bubbling with enthusiasm Dib wandered along the edge of the fence, his hand trailing across the chain-links. The fence reached so high that he was pretty certain it could touch the sky – but clearly not, because it wasn't tall enough to keep the planet's creations from flying over, and sometimes into the compound. Enormous insects; creatures that looked like dragonflies and moths, and hornets even bigger than Professor Membrane himself. Terrifying, but equally so fascinating, and it made Dib wonder, what else is out there?

He gazed longingly through the fence and into the trees. Sometimes, in the dead of lonely night, he almost swore that he could see movement from within the foliage. He'd often find himself hours later still in the same place, his vision growing blurry where he'd been standing staring at the same spot for so long. There was no movement tonight so Dib kept on walking, making his steady way around the perimeter and towards the gardens. The planet's soils were rich with nutrients and happily allowed the seeds of Earth plants to take root. Alongside those, they were now growing a vast array of native fruits and vegetables of this world too. Dib's favourite were the bright pink berries swollen close to bursting with a rich, tart juice that left stains all over his lips, fingers, and everything he touched – but it was worth it. He grabbed a handful as he walked by and popped several into his mouth. He and Gaz liked them a lot, and had taken to calling them blorpberries, on account of the funny noise they made when Dib pushed them against the roof of his mouth, and they exploded over his tongue.

Snap!

Dib's head whipped up towards the fence. A flash of movement darted out from behind the trees, and the next thing he saw was a flurry of frantic motions. Something was digging outside the compound, scratch, scratch, scratching into the ground with a keen ferocity unlike anything Dib had seen before. In the light coming through the windows of the Marina, and the starlit sky dancing in worship around two giant moons, Dib could make out a long tail flaring amid the flying dirt, the tip and the base both crowned by a beautiful tuft of bright pink.

“Wow!” The gasp escaped Dib's lips before he could stop it, and all movement ceased in an instant. The tail stood completely still and erect. Then came another flash of movement as the creature leaped from its hole and into the forest cover. Dib froze in place, one hand clamped over his mouth to keep himself quiet. After a moment of nothing, a pair of bright eyes appeared from within the bushes and shone gloriously in the moonlight; unearthly pink, and utterly magnificent.

“ . . . Hello.” Dib lowered his hand slowly, and whispered just as gently. He saw the shrubs shift as the hidden creature flinched, its wondrous gaze drifting from Dib to the beginnings of its burrow, until Dib himself looked. The hole was situated right across from the gardens ripe with the blorpberries Dib loved so much. He made the connection instantly. “Oh! Are you hungry?” He grabbed a handful and tossed them through the fence. It was the feeble, clumsy throw of a seven-year-old bookworm, and only two landed within easy reach of the bush. Once they were swept away by a hand or tail almost too fast to see with the naked eye, the pink gaze returned, fixated upon the remaining berries out of its reach. Silence fell once more. Dib trembled with anticipation. Please . . . Please get them . . .

Slowly, inch by cautious inch, the creature began to emerge, and it was all Dib could do not to squeal in delight. He watched in silent awe, marveling at its brilliance. Green skin. Two black antennas. A long, strong tail like that of a monitor lizard; powerful, and deadly. It prowled the forest floor on all floors like it owned the place, snatching up the berries in its claws as it went by. And what claws! Three in total on each limb, and wickedly sharp, like that of an ancient dinosaur long since lost to time; they were the perfect tool and weapon both for a harsh life in the jungle. As it walked and ate it kept its eyes fixed suspiciously on Dib. Soon there were none left but for those still in the bush, and the creature sat in between the fence and the forest, its gaze continuously shifting between longing want at the fruit, to suspicious scrutiny at Dib.

“Hi there!” Dib whispered quietly, but his voice was so thick with excitement that he made the creature flinch backwards. “Oh, sorry!” He apologised, his tone dropping even lower in volume for the startled visitor frozen in place. Silence echoed once more as giant pink eyes remained fixated on Dib like lasers, as if trying to pierce through into his skull and see inside of his mind. As such, Dib focused in on a single thought, just in case the creature could indeed read his mind. I won't hurt you, I won't hurt you. Let's be friends.

The creature blinked, then leaped back into its hole and resumed the frantic dig. Dib sat back with his knees tucked to his chest, watching with fast growing anticipation. Dirt came flying from the hole; launched aside unneeded by the creature's immense tail. Soon, the ground beside him began to crumble inwards, opening up a fully-fledged tunnel from one side of the fence to the next. A pair of black antennas poked out first. They twitched. Twice, then the creature emerged from up the hole and shook the dirt from its body. Bright pink eyes soon found their way onto Dib again and held his gaze with ease. It was like gazing into a galaxy before his very eyes; a whole, wide new world lay within the swirling, starry light, and Dib was utterly captivated.

“Hello,” he smiled. “My name's Dib. What's yours?”

[sapphorror]

Anyway while I'm on the topic of Dib being a xenophile, I like to imagine that every time things get remotely intimate between them Dib gets a kneejerk compulsive urge to take Zim's disguise off, which is fairly easy to rationalize since a) it makes Zim look more stupid than human, and b) it has been the most frustrating and insulting plague on Dib's existence imaginable since they were in fifth grade, so he's not exactly endeared. And I think it would very entertaining if Zim ever felt the need to design a real holo-disguise for some reason and Dib consequently has to come to terms with the fact that, despite being both conventionally attractive and still strangely recognizable as himself, Dib still only really wants to fuck the green cybernetic bug version.

[ms-scarletwings]

The Speculative Analysis About Irkens No One Asked For: Part II

Hiya! Back at it again with not shutting up about the lil green dudes. In case you found this first, here’s the Part One of this spiel, touching on some of the environmental theories about Irk and its cyberpunk-leaning cultural direction. While this post is dedicated to a more biological look of what’s going on with the Irkens, there was some leading context and other tidbits back in that one you may also enjoy, too.

So, carrying through what we previously set up, I want to… admit off the bat that, I found it a little difficult at first, you know?-To pick an angle I wanted to sink my teeth into. With how old the show’s become and how creative & enthusiastic a fanbase it attracted, it’s getting hard to really note (or theorize) something about Irken anatomy that hasn’t been said before somewhere. And don’t get me wrong, that’s awesome and I love almost every word of it I’ve read. A lot of it from various sources is almost certainly going to bleed together into the first half of this. So, keep it in mind, yet I will try to chew a little deeper into the questions we can’t actually answer with just a rewatch of the show, all good? Because there’s a few more base things we know from the canon I’m going to include to start listing: - Irkens lack any visible form of nose or ears, but are equipped with a pair of sensory antennae. Presumably, these organs fulfill the same roles, as they do in real-world insects. - Irken organs are obviously very alien, not well explained, artificially enhanced, and hard to compare to that of a human’s- outside of their general body shape, the presence of a primary brain separate from the PAK, and the fact that they do possess something of an internal skeleton. - A petite race on average (relative to humans), Irkens universally follow an unquestioned social hierarchy based on individual height. - Irkens are endowed with a remarkable ability to regenerate and heal superficial injuries, even up to repairing the damage of being nearly skinned alive (chest-down) or severely burning their corneas within a matter of hours. - Their preferred diet is one that is rich in (if not primarily made of) refined carbohydrates, and while they seem to tolerate fatty sources, such as processed dairy, their anatomy is poorly suited for dealing with high-protein foods like beans and meat. - In fact, all forms of contact with exposed animal meat itself will cause it to dissolve and meld into their own flesh, via an incredibly painful process. - On contact with water from Earth, their skin will receive harsh chemical burns (This has been explained by Vasquez to be a consequence of impurities and man-made pollutants, which Irkens seem sensitive to). - While I’m already on a roll about their skin, it also contains/produces a substance capable of killing lice.

Now, I think we’ve all heard a lot about sqeedily spooches, but does anyone else want to keep marinating a second longer on the topic of s k i n ? Because I have some damn thoughts to release about Zim’s outer casing.

Let’s Get Chemical

First hot take, and the hill I am willing to be slain on: That ain’t actually skin! At least, it is nothing chemically alike to Earth-native vertebrate skin. I’ve given all of the above and the general running theme about Irkens resembling arthropods a lot of thought, and I’ve come to about the only conclusion I could that makes their dermis equivalent… make sense.

See, one of the biggest traits that sets apart invertebrates from other animals in real life is the “innie or outie” skeleton question, but you gotta understand that the “skeletons” that bugs and crabs have would still be considered something completely different from our endoskeletons even if they were on the inside. The hard tissues that make up OUR skeletal systems are mostly made up of a *collagen (remember that word!) frame that is reinforced by calcium, phosphorus, and other minerals. The hard parts of an ant’s skeleton, on the other foot, are mainly composited of chitin.

Chitin, now, is a very neat substance. It’s a polysaccharide, meaning that it’s made up of a bunch of sugar molecules chained together. This makes it distinct from proteins, which are made of amino acid chains instead of carbs. Chitin is also one of the single most important structural polymers in the universe to a ton of existing life. It makes up the literal backbone of arthropods and the cell walls of all fungi. We’ve even found it in fish scales and some amphibians. So, must also be important to humans, right? NAH. Not a chance. Higher animals actually long ditched the ability to synthesize the stuff, and are not any the worse for it, since there’s more than one way to stick a bunch of creature pieces together. For two examples, keratin and *collagen are proteins we naturally synthesize that functionally do the same thing. Keratin is the hard substance that makes up hair & fingernails, and collagen is practically the wonderglue of flesh: It’s a fundamental binder that holds together your bones, your skin, your precious muscle meats, the ligaments, the tendies, the nerves…

pretty much the whole person blueprint if you get the picture.

And thus concludes your (VERY overly simplified) highshcool bio class recap, but what the hell did that have to do with the cartoon spacemen again? I’m gonna round back to them through a funny secret about exoskeletons, actually: They have a softer part, too! Chitin’s hella diverse in its forms and utility. What’s in an exoskeleton is actually a version of it modified with other materials (like what’s done to collagen in bone) to make it so rigid and shell-like. A purer chitin, on the other hand, is more leathery and flexible, less like the shell of a beetle and more like the squishy wall around a caterpillar or maggot. Even the hard bodied insects still have an endocuticle layer like this hiding just under the “shell”, still considered part of the whole exoskeleton, but suddenly looking and acting more like we’d call a skin.

Eh, see where I’m going with this? My conviction is this- Irkens may have used to be even more arthropodal in an earlier stage of their evolution, including BOTH an internal skeleton, and some form of protective exoskeleton in their body plan. And hey, maybe the two were extensions of the same system once, too. You recognize something like that in modern tortoises when you remember that their “shells” are actually just the bone structure of their own ribcage. Then, let’s say that Irkens later saw the loss of their heavier exocuticle, leaving behind the endoskeleton and the flexible inner (now just an outer) cuticle of what used to be an entire body shell. This could have been a gradual change, via natural selection, or it could have been another artificial mutation brought on by technology- wherein the elder brains decided the feature was less efficient and simply phased it out of the cloning process- the same as the loss of their species’ sexual organs.

But, you’re thinking, why on Irk would the loss of an entire badass armor layer be beneficial to their fitness? Few reasons- For one, they are cumbersome and limiting. The downgrade on freedom of movement and flexibility they would be for a bipedal humanoid is self-explanatory enough. When it came to structural integrity, the inner skeleton would have already done a well job with little modification. For all the protection they provide, they don’t leave much room for expansion, and need to be shed in order for the animal to grow any further or to recover from certain injuries. The process of molting itself would be an excruciating process for any intelligent species to have to endure; one that also temporarily leaves the critter in a very vulnerable and stressed state for every molt. To advance from more primitive origins into a dominant race, manual dexterity and mobility would have to take a front seat over a small amount of modest defenses, and mind you, Irk long ago woulda managed to compensate for that loss in the form of advanced weaponry (obviously).

I’m also of the mind that the shift away from an exoskeleton could have even been the key to allowing the Irkens to even grow to the size they are now. Recall back to Part One for a second, where I shared the likely case for Irk having a massive bulk behind its gravity field. Gravity is a hard thing on any skeletal structure, representing a constant strain to be fought against when moving, growing, and bearing weight .There’s a lot of factors behind why we don’t have horse sized spiders or elephant sized lobsters IRL, and weight is actually one of them. Notice how terrestrial isopods only get about to the size of a bean, but the aquatic ones can top out at over a foot long? And that’s only having Earth’s level of gravity to struggle against, let alone however harsh the conditions would be on a larger planet. So, there’s my framework for explaining what I think the aliens’ cuticle is not; however, what does that mean for what it is, besides “feels and looks like a grub’s”?

Well, look again at some of the extraordinary things it can do.

Cooties Immunity

“Germs” was a memorable episode that posed a very legitimate question to the viewer. Why IS IT that foreign pathogens aren’t a bigger concern for the invaders? They’re literally sent off to other worlds to blend in: Socializing with the native inhabitants, eating their foods, and living in an alien habitat. In the case of an undiscovered rock like Earth, our infectious diseases would have no reference available to the Armada whatsoever. Sure, species incompatibility would provide some protection, but the risk of something carrying over and adapting is always still there. Zoonoptic jumps happen all the time with bacteria and viruses, and Zim’s body temperature IS in the normal human range. And what about fungal pathogens, or parasites-

Oh, wait, the lice episode gave it away right there.

I love this sequence so much, because it’s coincidentally like, an exact “art imitates life” parallel to something a real species of primate does. Black lemurs live in the same area of Madagascar as these vibrant, red millipedes.

The millipedes are special because when threatened, they secrete a poisonous substance from their skin. The lemurs are special because they like to grab the bugs and nibble them for no other reason than to make them release those toxins. Those chemicals are then rubbed into their fur, because somehow the lemurs figured out it makes a really handy mosquito repellant. The lemurs also like to get completely zonked out on the chemicals too but eyy- Point was it stands to reason that Irkens may also secrete small amounts of their own potent toxin from the cuticle, perhaps for more hygienic than defensive purposes. This secretion would be responsible for protecting them from parasites and topical infections. Could it also make people blazed out of their minds? …Maybe? I think I’d like to promote the “Just Say No” policy on the matter of licking aliens, though. Ffs at least ask them out to dinner first.

When it comes to other kinds of sick, looks like it might be the trusty old PAK to the rescue here again. I imagine that, being an intergalactic, partially mechanical civilization, the Irken race has come down this road enough to put in a workaround. A standard PAK contains the entirety of the population’s collective knowledge/history- which would include a catalog of all known infectious agents they have encountered across the universe. Some kind of nanobot-bolstered immune system that could detect and respond appropriately to new threats isn’t out of the question, nor should a feature that can automatically administer the appropriate medicine directly into the wearer’s bloodstream. For all this awesomeness, nonetheless, there remains a downside or two that they haven’t quite conquered..

The Meaty, Sweety, Mending of DOOM

Anyone ever actually think about how as far as resilience is concerned, Zim is practically an X-man compared to any Earthling? He has regenerative capabilities that surpass anything else on earth, save idk, bamboo shoots, if even. Injuries that would leave a human permanently disabled only seem to incapacitate an Irken for a few hours to a day at most. They’re all the more tough to put out of commission when considering that a PAK doubles as a form of backup life support, ready to “soft reboot” the host with a quick jolt if it detects a sudden drop in vital signs. It is tempting to credit the same device as the source of this healing boost as well, teasing the nanobot suggestion again; however, I see a chance instead to bring this back a step.

Although not as quick-acting as Zim, or Skoodge’s healing, there are some remarkable examples of regeneration in real arthropods, from repairing tissues/organs to replacing entire lost limbs. What the aliens are packing doesn’t seem all that different, only refined (through years of bioengineering) to work at a truly frightening efficiency. It shows through in their diet as well. Almost always, if we see a member of this species eating on screen, and believe me there was no shortage of examples, what are we watching them shovel their face with?

Space doughnuts, space popcorn, space Fun-Dip, sodas, and curly fries. Sure, there’s plenty of calories here, no doubt with the amount of carbs and grease that could even turn the stomach of a college freshman, but is this… nutrition?

Yes. Just not for us.

Like their civilization, we have also turned the mass production of sweet-packed, fat loaded foods into one of our favored art forms, and there are scattered pockets of our planet that can enjoy these items in cheap abundance. The catch 22? Obesity and heart disease. Meanwhile, Irkens are so metabolically blessed that they can follow the same lifestyle and actually be thriving by it. We know that the majority of human food is utterly toxic to Zim, but then there were waffles, a literal stack of dessert and butter that pretends to be a breakfast…. Our guy was experiencing the “finally some good fucking food” meme from the first bite off that plate, but this can’t seriously be healthy,or if it is, then how?

Well, if I did sell you on the idea that much of their tissues and skeleton swaps out a chitin base where we would be using protein, there you go. Sugars for the building blocks to synthesize the connective/structural tissues for maintaining the body, and the bulk of the energy required to keep it running. And I won’t make the leap and suggest that’s all they have.

After all, the Irken equivalent of sandwiches do actually seem to contain “lettuce” and something that people will say looks like meat slices while not convincing me. I can get behind the thought of the natural or maybe original Irken diet to be a mix of plant matter and supplemental fungi, but everything I’ve put together implies that they are completely unfit for processing the goodies in animal flesh.

Overwhelmingly, I believe that the only time they possibly even seek out more sources of amino acids is going to be when they are smeets. That’s how it works in many wasp species. I.e. The growing larvae are the only ones that actually get to reap from the hard work of a colony hunting down enough protein to feed them with, yet the adults live out the rest of their lives more than content to gorge themselves on nectars and fruits exclusively!

And you even could put that aside, but you’ll have to grapple with the ungodly thing that happens every single time you see Zim touching a piece of meat. Would be awfully convenient to blame it on his personal brand of weirdness, or earth contaminants, but we remember this was a weakness that Tak approached fully aware of and expecting.

We know that polluted water can burn them. We know that beans and other foods can give them grotesque allergic reactions. Well what in the horrifying name of Resident Evil is this, though? Buddy pals, I think we got some unintended consequences of that bio-hacking on hand. Collagen and chitin aren’t just functionally similar to each other, they are practically analogous building blocks.

For a WILD science fact, consider that there’s a ton of ongoing research into the application of chitin and chitin-derivatives into having a role in tissue engineering, as a hypothetical scaffold in lab cultured meat, and as an effective wound dressing ingredient.

What we’re seeing with incidents like Dib throwing that Bologna at Zim could be an extreme form of the vise versa, because I know a certain protein that processed meat happens to be pretty high in :)))

Imagine the coupling of this with the bioengineered genome of Zim’s kind being so… reactive to a foreign intrusion, yet also flexible to modification. Maybe it is the acids, or some contaminant/seasoning on the meat that first damages the cuticle. That healing ability kicks in, but doesn’t stop where chitin does, readily binding to and with the collagens in these strange tissues that are sorta like an Irken’s but also just enough not like an Irken’s that it also kicks the immune system into overdrive. Think of all the pain and inflammation of a poison ivy rash but if the damn plant itself could also fuse itself with whatever you brushed against it. I think Zim actually had an understandable reason to be homicidally pissed off for that Bologna assault. Also how the Bologna virus was accelerated in Zim’s body. Once it had incorporated itself into his own DNA, it was game set and match with the speed and help those cells had to replicate themselves.

And uh, yeah, I think this post has gotten about as long as it reasonably should be here. I did have a couple more points I really wanted to get out of my brain about the Almighty Tallest, and I think that would be a good launching point actually for a possible (and hopefully final jfc) part three to this. Till then I got some off-topic scoliids to taxidermy 👀

[pshenyasstuff]

I loved your hcs! Do have any more?? Also I LOVED SEEING DIB HES MY SON GUYS (source trust me bro)

I'm glad you like it!!

Anyway, yes, I have many more headcanons. I think it would be easier to make a list of them. I hope it's not a cringe or something like that xd

- As I said earlier, I think Zim is a tsundere to the core. This is especially evident when he tries to give y/n something. He's not exactly great at giving gifts, but at least he's trying!! He will often pick flowers from random people's flowerbeds and then throw the bouquet in y/n's face with a phrase like "BE GRATEFUL FOR ZIM, YOU PATHETIC HUMAN WORM". And I think that such a phrase follows after any gift.

- As for gifts for Zim, I think he will keep every one of them. At least he will try to prevent Gir from eating it. I think he will really appreciate a raincoat or umbrella as a gift. But every time he receives a gift, he says something like "Zim accepts your disgusting offering, human."

- I think we can always agree that Zim can make sounds like purring or chirping. Just imagine the moment when he gets used to y/n's hugs and just starts making those adorable sounds

- Zim definitely knows how to be jealous and doesn't hide it. He just calls it something else, that's all. For example, when someone interrupts his conversation with y/n, he simply hisses at them and takes y/n away. "This worm must understand that you are only MY slave!"

By the way, about Zim's stalking... Y/n is definitely missing some things. Yeah, he just steals it and hides it in his house.

"Damn, it seems my sweatshirt is missing.." "So what? I'm not interested in that!" He's pretending like he didn't steal this just yesterday.

- Zim isn't very good at calming down someone who's crying. I think when y/n cried in front of him for the first time, this bro was just like, "WHY IS WATER COMING OUT OF YOUR EYES?!"

- Zim's favorite body part is y/n's shoulders or back, simply because he can straddle y/n like that and feel taller

Below is a headcanon about kissing Zim. If you don't like this, don't read it

-So, kisses with Zim. It's something strange and unusual because he has this strange tongue. On the other hand, you can get used to it, unlike the bites that this little bro constantly leaves on your lips. Let's just say that these kisses are always inept, no matter what time they happen. But after that, Zim looks like a mess every time. Well, you know, heavy breathing, blushing and all that. At least he definitely likes it

[hermajestytak]

In an anthro universe, we all know Dib would have to be a moth. But what would Zim be based on his own personality and theming?

There's a lot of potential answers, but I narrowed it down to these.

[trans-all-at-once-tournament]

Propaganda:

Sans:

- If you draw them with pink slippers they're the trans flag colors

- Just look at how they dress. Trans guy with body dysphoria? Trans woman leaning into masculinity to hide but too exhausted to do anything more then shorts and a jacket? A nonbinary person either way?

- Undertale is a very queer game so everyone is very gender

Zim:

- The creator literally said that the only Irken gender is asshole

- Aliens without human genders are inherently trans if they take on one (or more)

- Going through the ugly short hair phase every trans boy went through at some point (their schoolboy disguise)

- Some of their other disguises are feminine presenting so they don't really care about Earthen gender roles

- I have seen SO many trans (sometimes nonbinary) lesbian Zim headcanons

[inbarfink]

Okay, so, for the longest time the Tallests’ behavior toward Zim in ‘Battle of the Planets’ has always struck me as… odd.

 I mean, of course the idea that they mock him publicly behind his back makes sense in general. That is a very Tallests Thing to Do. But the specific ways they mock him…

I dunno...maybe the intention is supposed to be like 'haha you're saying 'unstoppable death machine like it's a good thing but it's not!!' or something but... with the delivery and the general characterization of the Irken army it comes off as more of 'haha! it's funny because he's NOT an unstoppable death machine hahaha" and...

Like, yes. Zim is correct. He is, in fact, an ‘unstoppable death machine’. That is absolutely an accurate statement to be taken seriously. The only problem was that he’s an unstoppable death machine that’s too uncontrollable to prevent him from Death Machining his own people as well. That’s literally why you banished him, remember?

But then I took a moment to think about that.... It does actually makes sense that the Tallests, despite getting literal first-class seats to his rampage of destruction - might still have a problem with actually internalizing why Zim is so Bad.

Because Zim is basically the Irkenest Irken to ever Irk. He might be considered ‘Defective’, yes, but all of his defects manifest as the logical extremes of Irken ideology. He has, on paper, all of the skills and personality traits and ideals that the Irken Empire value - just exaggerated and twisted in a way that makes him the biggest milestone around the Empire's neck.

Zim is a pretty good fighter, infiltrator, pilot and scientist. Remember, he’s a Fast-Food Drone Play-Acting Alien Invasion to get him out of the Armada’s antennas now, but he was a legitimate actual Invader back during ‘Impending Doom 1’. And that’s with all the social barriers and prejudice that a short Irken like him is going to face. I’m guessing a lot of the selection process for Invaders is done by automated systems or extremely-detached Control Brains. And only looking at, like, Zim’s practice or test results - he should be an exceptional Invader on-par with Skoodge.

But we all know the truth is more complicated then that. Zim’s talents and training are hampered by his own massive ego, absolute inability to accurately assess threats and his impulsive desires for destruction and death. He’s unable to judge when he’s punching above his weight or tackling an endeavor beyond his abilities. He cannot admit when he has made an error, even just to fix or improve an invention/plan. And he always allocates his resources in the dumbest way possible. 

And that’s all, like, emergent from Irken Ideology - or at least from Zim’s logical extreme of it. Confidence and selfishness are rewarded on Irk - Zim is mostly unusual in terms of sheer volume (or maybe he’s too Short to be allowed to have such a high opinion of himself.) 

His inability to proportionally handle threats is emergent from the Empire’s ideals of Irken Supremacy. Zim is supposed to see all other species in the universe as stupid and inferior and worthy only of servitude and so logically they can’t be a serious threat to him, an Elite Irken Soldier. But he also needs to internally justify why all of these Clearly Inferior Beings are even a problem to the Irken Empire in general and for him in specific. Especially when he fails to conquer them as easily as a ‘Superior Being’ is supposed to. And so his ego and his insistence on Irkens being Superior has to elevate them into fearsome enemies. 

That Speciesism is also why his disguise is so bad! We directly see it in the first episode. He had the option of picking a more realistic human disguises but he just found it too gross. And that actually seems to be a trend, considering every Actual Invader we see on the show has a disguise that is just as bad if not worse.

And Zim’s tendency towards delusions is also born, at least partially, from his devotion to Irken Ideology. Not just from the obvious insistence of the superiority of himself and his Empire despite his constant failures. But also… how do you balance out the Irken values of selfishness with the also-Irken values of loyalty and absolute obedience to the Empire and the Tallests? For Zim, the obvious answer seems to be ‘delude himself into believing whatever selfish personal whim he has is actually for the good of the Empire and the true will of the Tallest’. That’s how he can break All of the Rules All of the Time and still act like he’s just another obedient and loyal vessel of the Tallest. 

And then there’s the value of destruction and cruelty. This is absolutely not a Zim-only thing - that is a value he got from Irken society in general. After all, it’s pretty clear they don’t even have, like, a token excuse for their universe-conquering aspirations. They’re just doing this shit because destroying and subjecting the universe seems Fun and Cool. I mean, ‘Battle of the Planets’ demonstrates that better than anything. 

The Tallests have no idea of what to do with the planets they conquer. They don’t need them for anything. They decided Blorch's new purpose as a spur-of-the-moment decision and it was a Parking Structure Planet. Most of Irk’s single-use planets are pretty silly but this one especially so. Parking Structures only have value based on them being near a Place People Want to Go To, so a whole planet of them really defeats the whole idea. The Tallests only conquered Blorch and wiped out the Rat People because they want to conquer planets and wipe out sapient species.

And that is… exactly the same sort of meaningless cruelty Zim demonstrates. I mean… What Zim did with Prisoner 777 is literally just a smaller-scale recreation of what the whole Irken Empire did to the Vortians. And honestly, Zim actually has a slightly-better track record of actually getting ‘his’ Vortian to do what he wants. While the Irken Empire in general has basically shot themselves in the foot and assured all of their best technology is going to come with some sort of Stupid Hidden Flaw and all because they wanted to be the Conquerors rather than ‘just’ allies. 

The difference is really just that Zim values destruction so much he has problem processing that directing the destruction at his own people is still a very bad thing in the eyes of the empire.

And that’s… kind of the ideological blind spot the Tallests fall into during ‘Battle of the Planets’, I think. They should know that Zim is very much an Unstoppable Death Machine, just one that they can’t control and thus should be kept as far away from the Empire and Operation Impending Doom 2 as possible. But in their little Irken-Ideology-Poisoned minds - being an “Unstoppable Death Machine” is a Good Thing and Zim is obviously Bad - so, obviously logically he cannot be an Unstoppable Death Machine. 

And throughout this entire episode, the Tallest mock the idea that Zim is even capable of… not just achieving his and the Empire’s goals (obviously, yeah, he is incapable of doing that), but that he's even capable of properly causing destruction? Which they should know he is very capable of. And this is probably the closest he ever came in the show to legitimately destroying the human race. Only being foiled due to a huge stroke of luck on Dib’s part that nobody saw coming. And yet the Tallests were so certain that Zim, of all the Irkens in the galaxy, is somehow incapable of destroying a planet???

And at the end, Zim does prove himself as an Unstoppable Death Machine by, once again, managing to kill a fuckload of his own people while the Tallests laugh about how inaccurate that descriptor is for him. 

This is extra ironic with the Tallests throwing that one guy out of the airlock at the start of the episode

They punish others just for not remembering Zim’s rampage, but they clearly have not internalized what it Means themselves.

The fact that a guy like that even managed to reach the most prestigious not-height-based position in the Irken military in the first place should be a cause of some serious introspection of how Irken Military training and evaluation is handled. Especially when you consider much more competent would-be-Invaders like Tak got dismissed and punished for things totally outside of their control.

But… It seems like the only lesson anyone in the Irken Empire learned was just “Zim is awful”. Which is true, but isn’t really getting to the root of the matter. 

You can see another example of that mindset from the Tallests in ‘Hobo 13’. Because those two were so sure Zim was going to lose, and lose painfully. Because he is Incompetent, obviously that means he can’t do it. Totally forgetting that Zim actually totally has the athletic, combat and - most importantly, technological skills and out-of-the-box thinking that allowed him to survive and thrive. 

I mean, yeah, that means he cheated and threw his entire squad to the dogs for his own personal gain and petty sadistic amusement but… that is absolutely not something the Irken Empire frowns upon. The Tallests especially love to torment and even kill off their subordinates for the pettiest of reasons. Skoodge, featured in both of these episodes, is a great example.

And like, ‘being bad leaders and tormenting their own underlings’ is basically what the Tallests spend the entirety of that episode doing.

That Sergeant had ideological problems with Zim being such a horrible and callous leader, but that’s clearly not a representation of the Irken Empire’s stance. Quite the opposite really. Zim might be a disgrace to Hobo 13, but he was an exemplary Irken. The only reason why him winning was a problem is because he’s Zim and they all hate him.

And speaking of the Tallests’ own behavior reflecting Zim’s… let’s talk a bit about ‘Enter the Florpus’.

Because the downfall of the Irken Armada in that story is not just Zim’s fault. I mean, it is partly Zim’s fault. Without him there wouldn’t be a Florpus in the first place. But the narrative makes it constantly very very clear that this is Not Actually a Threat for the Armada… if not for the Tallests adamantly and childishly refusing to change course. 

The Tallests hate Zim, and they make it clear at every possible opportunity. And they hate him because he’s so damn incompetent and such a threat to the Empire’s safety. And yet they constantly demonstrate they possess the exact same core personality issues as Zim - they’re just slightly better having, like, a veneer of reasonability and being able to perceive reality (and also they are tall, which helps them get away with more.) And nowhere is it more obvious than ‘Enter the Florpus’...

Where the Tallests prove that they can be just as childish and single-minded -

And just as destruction-hungry - 

And just as quick to deny reality -

And just as disrespectful of their underlings. 

This recurring bit with the navigator is especially striking to me, because more than anything it makes me remember… Operation Impending Doom 1.

Two times the Irken Empire has been brought to the brink of collapse. And both of these times it is because a powerful high-ranking Irken (one time an Invader, the other time the Tallests themselves), refused to listen to the warnings and concerns of a lower-ranking expert Navigator - continuing with a course of destruction for their own people. 

You could say the Irken Empire was doomed from the start because of their own philosophy of cruelty and selfishness. Eventually, it was bound to create someone like Zim - who takes the Irken Ideology to its logical extreme in the most destructive way possible. Or you can say the Irken Empire was doomed from the start because of their asinine height-based class system. Which basically inevitably assures that at some point the reigns of the Empire will be at the hands of someone buffoonish and incompetent enough to drag the whole Empire down with them. And both of these viewpoints are true in their own way but also…

The Irken Empire was also doomed from the start cause, whatever this is a result of a culture that highly values obedience to your superiors over common sense, or because punishments for disobedience are just so terribly severe - these two Navigators continued to push those knobs and drive that ship even as they knew their commanders were mad and their actions were just driving their own Empire towards oblivion. 

Perhaps the Irken Military could use some sort of protocol of what to do when your superior is being clearly unreasonable and endangering not only the mission but literally the fate of your entire civilization? No, of course not. Yet another lesson not learned from Zim’s actions in ‘Impending Doom 1’. The only important lesson Irk needed to learn from that was just ‘Fuck This One Guy in Particular’.

Zim’s whole existence is like a twisted parody of the Irken Empire and all of its values. It’s really no wonder that the Tallest never got the joke. 

[aquaticwolfkuri]

You HATE me, But I HATE You more: ch.5

(sorry for the long wait. I hope this chapter was worth the wait. Comments are most welcome)

Today at Skool, Zim couldn’t help but notice all the other students were talking about “Prom” And who they were going to ask to go with them or what they were going to wear.

At first Zim just assumes its just some useless Urthling ritual… but than he hears something about “Prom king, and prom Queen” 

Curious, Zim pulled out a small device from his pack and searches through the human database to figure out what exactly the prom king is, and to his delight, it seems like becoming Prom king could help him rule the Skool and possibly even the whole Urth!

Zim begins to laugh, but he's interrupted when Dib suddenly appears behind him.

“Just what are you up to now?” Dib asks, narrowing his eyes at the alien.

 Zim nearly jumps before quickly moving away, putting distance between them.

“Why, I'm just SO curious about this, PROM thing that everyone is talking about” Zim says, but Dib doesn't seem to take this very well.

“Oh no you don't Zim. You are NOT going to ruin my chances to take Plotty to the prom!” This disgusts Zim.

“That PLOTTY-human is just mind controlling you, Dib! She's making you too stupid to see it”

“Whatever Zim, I'm taking Plotty to the prom and I'm not letting you ruin this for me” Dib says says before walking away. Zim glares, furious. 

“Ugh! Stupid Dib! Why does he still insist on being around that Plotty!? I already told him about her mind control, but he just refuses to listen to me…!” Zim grumbles, wishing he could choke the other boy until his eyes popped out, but even if he did, Dib would probably still insist on being around that GIRL....

Suddenly, Zim feels his chest tighten and something sickly in his belly. He quickly scans himself with his device again, but once more, his vitals appeared to be normal like usual.

Just what had Dib done to him?? Was it some kind of undetectable human poison???

Sitting at his desk, Dib vaguely listens to his history teacher while he watches the sky through the window, trying not to fall asleep… but he dozed off anyway.

It's not of any particular memories, but Dib dreams about being 12 again, trying to catch Zim and stop his evil plans… Things really aren't like that anymore, are they?

Zim has become a lot less focused on conquering the earth and more so just harassing him. And Dib on the other hand has nearly put his paranormal investigations to the side to focus on High Skool and just be… a normal teenager.

“Dib.”

“Nh….”

“Dib…!”

“Zim…??” Lifting his head from his desk, Dib groggily opens his eyes, only to realize the person in front of him is his teacher, looking none too pleased with his recent nap.

“Dib, I'll excuse you this time, but if you fall asleep in class again, I'll have to report you,” She says.

“Y-Yes ma’am,” Dib replies, not wanting his dad to hear another word about his misdemeanors at Skool again.

He sighs, wishing he was home right now, feeling kind of depressed after that dream.

When he looks out the window, he realizes it started to rain while he had been asleep. It's a good thing he's always prepared… Zim on the other hand, did not come prepared.

Since there hadn't been any rain, Zim forgot to bathe in his paste this morning.

Once Skool was over, everyone grabbed their umbrellas, and those who forgot to bring their own either had a friend to share with or made a mad dash home.

Zim nervously stared at the rain. It was a week ago that he applied his paste, but maybe it would still be effective?? He sticks a finger out only to quickly retract it, feeling it burn from just a single drop of rain.

Zim cursed under his breath, wishing he had never believed a human weather-man, as clearly, the sky wasn't as sunny as predicted.

Unfortunately, however, while standing around, one of the students decided to have some fun and shoved Zim down the small flight of stairs and into the rain. Zim hits the ground, feeling the small puddle of water forming on the concrete burn his skin, as well as the rest of the endless downpour falling from the sky. He screams and squirms around like a dying bug before managing to get up off the ground and under a tree.

This new shelter doesn't provide much cover, but it was better than nothing.

Feeling his body burn and blister, Zim holds himself tightly, damning this planet's water.

“W-Why does it hurt more than usual??? “ Did it have something to do with whatever Dib had done to him???

Excited to finally get home, Dib meets up with Gaz, telling her his amazing plan about sharing an umbrella with Plotty, but she doesn't seem that interested, instead, she seems more interested in a particular tree out by the front of the Skool.

“Gaz are you-” Dib stops mid-sentence, noticing a few of the students laughing, mimicking some kind of bug before pointing at the same tree Gaz was staring at. Then, it finally clicks. Zim is behind the tree.

Dib looks at the tree for a moment, but he can hear Plotty approaching with her friends… He looks back towards the tree again, thinking about his recent dream…

“Hey, Gaz… I'll meet you back home. Tell Dad I’m running late.” 

“Alright…” Gaz says, and just like that, Dib takes off toward the tree without saying another word. She watches and smiles ever so slightly, approving of her brother’s decision.

“What's wrong Space boy? Did your robot eat all your paste again??” Dib laughs, mocking the green boy. Zim glares, furious, especially because Gir actually wasn't at fault this time.

“Silence, Dib-worm!! I-” Before Zim can continue, Dib suddenly holds out his umbrella over his head. Zim’s body instantly feeling relief from the rain with the new shelter.

“Unlike you MIGHTY Irkens, I can handle the rain,” Dib says, letting himself get completely soaked by the rain.

Zim glares at him, feeling something sickly and squirmy in his stomach again, so he shoves Dib to the ground after taking the umbrella.

“You- Do not mock the Irken empire!!” Zim says, but Dib just laughs.

“D-Do not laugh at Zim!!” 

“I’ll stop laughing when you're MIGHTY empire isn't affected by a little water” “Dib teases, standing back up to his feet. 

Pissed, Zim begins to make his way home, but he's annoyed further when Dib follows him.

“Do not follow Zim! Just because you gave me this water shield device, does not mean I will allow you into my base!” Zim hisses.

“It's an umbrella. And yeah, I know… but if I don't walk back with you I won't get my umbrella back, and I'm pretty sure Dad’ll be mad if I lose another umbrella” Dib says, walking beside Zim.

Zim grumbles, but its when Dib suddenly sneezes that Zim practically jumps like a cat and backs away from him, his back hitting the wooden fence beside him.

“G-GERMS!!!”

“It was just a sneeze Zim” Dib says, hoping the alien won't come back to Skool covered in weird burger meat again.

“But….so….GERMY!”

“Zim-!” Dib sneezes again and Zim screams.

“D-don't come any closer to Zim!!” Zim says, most likely threatening to kick Dib if he didn't listen.

“Geez, alright” Dib, not wanting any more injuries, agrees to keep his distance, rolling his eyes.

While they continue the rest of the walk in silence, Dib starts to shiver and can't help but wish he had just walked Plotty home, then he would still be dry and wouldn't be freezing his butt off for the ungrateful alien.

Zim on the other hand, was somewhat pleased that Dib was antagonizing him again instead of drooling over that stupid GIRL, even if he WAS annoying.

He looks at Dib for a moment, soaking wet as he gets pelted by the rain, then he looks down at the umbrella handle in his hands, and his stomach feels sick again, but this time, his chest tightens.

Thanks to this device, his body was already dry and his pack had healed his body from the rain, but Dib was just a weak and pathetic human, so his temperature had gradually dropped while in the rain… and despite that, he still gave away his water shield device to him.

Zim, staring at the ground intensely, steps close enough to Dib, allowing the umbrella to cover them both. Confused and even shocked, Dib looks at him with a bewildered expression. 

“U-unlike you STUPID humans, I, A MIGHTY Irken, can recover quickly from such rain…! So… Zim shall share…. BUT DON'T EVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!!!” Zim says, his face suddenly feeling warmer than usual.

Dib just stares at him, and blinks a few times… because he had to be seeing things right? There was no way Zim was… blushing right now…right???

“I-I won't, promise…” Dib says, but when he wipes away the water from his glasses, Zim was already looking away…

He must have just been seeing things earlier. He’s pretty sure Zim isn’t even capable of blushing.

The walk home is still silent, but Dib's been able to somewhat dry off a little bit by staying out of the rain, and thankfully, the rain finally starts to let up as Zim’s house comes into view.

As usual; upon his arrival, Zim’s ROBO Parents welcome him home, as well as Gir from the kitchen..

Dib couldn't help but lean over, feeling nostalgic at the sight of the house, as well as the smell of freshly made waffles coming from the kitchen.

Zim freezes, his antennas practically sticking out of his wig when Dib’s chest presses against his face. The dampness of the shirt burns, but that's not why Zim’s face was burning up, his heart starts racing, as if desperate for oxygen.

“Y-Y-You're mission is over!! N-Now be gone with you!!” Zim says, shoving Dib onto the pavement, and tossing him the umbrella back before quickly slamming the door behind him. His heart was pounding so quickly, he thought his chest might burst, and his face felt so hot, he felt like he had been baking in the sun, not to mention the weird flippy feeling in his belly.

“T-This is simply not normal!!”

“Aww, what's wrong master??” Girl asks.

“ T-That Dib….h-he 's done something to me!! H-he’s planted a bomb inside me or something!!” Girl cheers in delight, wishing he himself could explode.

“Q-Quite Girl! T-Tests! I need to run more tests!” Zim says before he rushes to the lab, running various tests on himself, and typing in all the strange symptoms he's been experiencing. He runs everything through the computer, hoping to get a proper diagnosis this time.

“Calculation complete. Results. You are in love with the Dib creature.”

“What!? There must be some kind of mistake!! I can't love! I'm Irken!! A-And Dib is the enemy!!” Zim says, feeling his face heat up and his chest swell, almost as if his own body was disagreeing with him.

“According to Irken history. Love is not impossible for the Irken empire, it is simply just irrelevant. Though unused, Irkens still retain their required bodily organs for reproductive purposes in case the Irken Empire should ever reach dangerously low numbers resulting in near extinction.” The computer exclaims, horrifying its master.

“T-This can't be…!! I-I can't possibly be in love with Dib….!! I… I HATE him!!” Zim says, as if declaring war with the universe, and maybe even himself.