#You see she actually saw a really ugly monster because she was being bad and it was so ugly she got really scared and all her hair fell out

[sevicia]

My tiny baby cousin is here and I could hear her go "MAMI!!!! Why is Mila bald ?????" and I'm still recovering I keep trying not to laughhhhhh

[threepandas]

YANDERE!All For One.

A horrifying concept! Thanks, we (love) hate it!

He is ALREADY dangerous enough. Unhinged enough. Having his complete and undivided attention? His INTEREST? His fucked up, Machiavellian, sociopathic lil squirrel brain, COMPLETELY focused on the task of hunting you for sport?

Ha ha... *deep inhale* *starts screaming, never stops*

The man was already a living horror movie monster. Making him a yandere makes him WORSE~☆. Which is GREAT. For us, specifically. The readers. Not for the victim. THEY are fuuuuuuucked. Possibly in the literal sense, but unlikely.

Mind games and power plays are more fun.

The pointless struggle. Possession of something. The resemblance to Self. Because HE is perfect. Other people? Abhorrent. They're Rats. Vermin. Less, even, then that. They are nothing but occasionally interesting Quirks with meat attached to them. Sometimes useful servants and peons, born to be ruled.

But respective PARTNERS?

Gods NO. Don't be disgusting.

He is PERFECT. Powerful. He pulled himself up from the ruins of the early Quirk riots, the first days of those ugly wars, and became something MORE. Ascended. A Dark Lord, meant to rule, BORN to rule, over this new age of Man. It all makes perfect sense to him. He has plans within plans. Stretching out for centuries.

He just needs to get his brother BACK.

End this little rebellion.

It's a set back. Just a set back. And he's being PERFECTLY reasonable about his brothers Quirk. Utterly sane. He's ALWAYS been level headed and rational about family... is what he tells himself.

But he's NOT. He's Yandere AF.

His parents? He doesn't care AT ALL about. They nominally were supposed to control HIM. Uninterested, thanks. But? His weaker little brother? We SAW how he reacted. So I propose? You gotta be RELATED to him. And THEN the Bad Touch Instinct flips on.

Do you ACTUALLY have to share blood with him? No. But it would seriously help your survival chances. But the more you LOOK like him? The closer your Quirk to his? The more you are "him but weaker somehow"? The more INTERESTED he is.

The sort of Yandere he is? Is almost entirely dependent on HOW he learns of your existence. Cause? There is no way in HELL he had sex. At least not with ANOTHER PERSON. He has thousands of Quirks, thank you very much, any need he has? He can settle HIMSELF. Don't touch him.

Keep your filthy, filthy, disgusting paws to yourself.

So if someone SOMEHOW managed to get PREGNANT with his child? :) Well, now. :) he Certainly does have some Very Violent QUESTIONS. For EVERYONE involved. Starting with: How did you get his DNA? And did you touch him?

And once THEY are brutally dismembered corpses? You know, AFTER the child is born. Yandere time! They will want for nothing and KNOW nothing but him. Vault baby 2.0!

But?

Let us say? That the "mother" isn't an idiot. She KNOWS that she Oop's'd a baby with a Fuckin Psycho. Time to RUN. Let's EVEN give that kiddo Self Insert Powers! Cause WHOOPS? "Mummy... mummy I think I stole a quirk." (At least that random toddler seems WAY happier?) Oh SHIT! That's, KINDA DISTINCT.

Uuuuuuuuh *frantic maternal mental math* my babyyyyy.... has.... a....

SUPPRESSION Quirk! Yep, JUST like great *garbled cough* Aiko! Runs in the family, real rare. Looks like a two touch. Once to "suppress" and again to "UN-suppress" RIGHT, honey? *confused child nodding* yep! See! That's EXACTLY what it is. Nothing to see here.

Now PUT IT ON THE FUCKING FORMS.

And? That probably WORKS. For a while. Cause Mother moved them to the DEAD CENTER OF NOWHERE. Where her Quirk won't get her panic pregnant by any SUPERVILLIANS at a fucking Super Strength Thrown down (gdi, what even IS her life?!). But? Really only takes ONE(1) person, don't it?

One person to notice... waaaait a minute.

I've felt this before.

When AfO gave me my Quirk. *Looks at person in front of them*

And? Male? Female? Non-binary? Doesn't matter. He'd be INSTANTLY so, so horror movie creepy.

Suddenly EVERYONE AROUND YOU knows who you are. Is very polite. Your hotel is immaculate. Your food gourmet. People watching without watching. But are you imagining it? You haven't changed anything from yesterday. Why all of a sudden?

He gets the test results.

You Are His.

Suddenly the watchers are GONE. There is only ONE(1) watcher. Tall, broad, pale. An immaculate suit no matter how out of place. Red eyes. A placid face that might as well be carved from stone, for all the genuine human expression it shows. Never there when you turn your head.

Across the street. Atop buildings. In the shadows of alleys.

You can't tell if you're paranoid or your eyes just aren't quick enough. Was there someone just outside the window? Was that REALLY a shadow you saw, cast from the otherside of the door? You live in a safe neighborhood... don't you?

You can't tell if it's your reflection you're seeing or NOT.

Your gut says it isn't. (Says RUN.)

One by one, he'd pick off those around you. What information do they have? Who amongst his loyal can he replace them with? Isolate, isolate. Slowly, ever so slowly. Like a spider weaving a web.

Shhhhhh, shhhhh. Can't let you startle. Have you NOTICE. You'll fight. Hurt yourself pointlessly struggling. Things aren't ready yet. We must continue to play pretend. Go about our little lies. Enjoying the "freedom" he allows. All while he observes. Learns. Refines his plans accordingly.

People can adapt to damn near anything. As long as it doesn't hurt them. Sometimes even when it hurts them. A watcher? That... that never DOES anything? Maybe it's just some Quirk you unknowingly picked up. It's a crowded place, the city. It could happen.

Would explain why it went from lots of them to just one! You got control of it. Yeah. Yeah that makes more sense. (We rationalize away SO MUCH, in this age of Quirks.)

Which makes the fear so, SO much more real. So much SHARPER. When you jerk awake. In your bed. In your room, in your apartment. Where you SHOULD be alone. To a powerful hand, clamped like steel across your lower face. A familiar hole humming against your lips, dead center of a strangers palm.

That's your Quirk.

Why does-?! Eyes flick up as you struggle to breathe. Red, red eyes. White hair. Your face but older, watching you struggle, coldly handsome and deeply masculine. There's only one person he COULD be. All For One. You panic. Have to escape, but you can't get leverage. Scrambling pointlessly at the hand effortlessly pinning you to your bed. Crushing you too it.

Your fingers catch at his suit, his expensive watch, but despite your frantic efforts nothing draws blood. No amount of bucking so much as rocks him. He waits you out. Watching you panic yourself nearly unconscious. Not enough air. Can't breathe. Can't BREATHE!

Coughing, confused, and struggling to suck in air, you finally go limp.

He breaks into a grin. It is the stuff of nightmares. Croons down at you, like praising a pet, that you did good. Calls you by NAME. Oh god, he knows who you ARE. You don't have a lot of Quirks, never wanted to be like him. But you're SCARED. Your hands shake as they come back up.

As though you're going to try and pull his hand away, again.

Palms against skin. You... you try to RIP as many Quirks out of him as you can. Hopefully it hurts. M-Maybe it'll stun him?

He jerks. The grip on your face turns brutal, crushing, then relaxes back to suffocating. For a brief, terrible moment, you were certain you were about to LOSE your lower jaw. He shudders above you. Eyes sliding close he seems to revel in the sensation he just experienced.

Lifting a hand, he runs it through his hair, down his face, his neck. Lightly. Slowly. A shudder. As though he can't keep his hands off himself after that. Please God, let that not be what you think it is, starting to press against you through your covers.

His eyes, when he opens them, BURN.

A hand braced next to your head. The choking scent of his cologne, spiced and musky, burning at your nose. It mixes, like the calling card of something DANGEROUS, with his sharp aftershave. He leans down with the sort of ease that speaks of incredible muscle control. The movement utterly fluid.

A hungry grin, getting closer and closer. Then nothing but mad, crimson eyes filling your view. Your view of him blurs. Tears. All your long muttered plans for anger and sass abandoning you, now that the moment has come. You... you don't feel terribly brave. You feel cornered.

His hand move from clamped over your mouth to holding your face still.

He enjoys the view. Watching you cry for him. Muses in a low voice, just for you, that he wonders... will you try and fight next? His brother did. And you have far more Quirks then he possessed. Should he rip them out one by one? Or all at once? He could give you MORE. Share some of the interesting ones.

But, ah, you'd have to EARN that. Now wouldn't you?

You truely are his child. Covetous and greedy, just like him. Tell him... did it feel GOOD? Did you HUNGER? Want his power for yourself? His greedy little thing~♡

Is he a platonic Yandere? Does he want to screw you through the decadent king sized mattress? Yes. Somehow both. Somehow neither. Honestly? You can pick! He is EXACTLY that level of Weird about it. Just like with his brother.

He wants to croon and cage. Tie them up and discuss the newest research papers. Cuddle like equals yet have them at his feet. He wants to fuck himself. But only his PAST, WEAKER self, whom he can dominate. And while it's PREFERABLE they be into that? He doesn't give a shit if they aren't. Obviously... outside of a quirk? This is not possible.

(God knows he's probably TRYING.)

So the next best thing? Someone who LOOKS very, very similar! He would be OBSESSED. And the harder it was to get them? The more CONTROL he had? The closer they were to being LIKE him? The deeper his Obsession.

This has been my Yandere AfO Talk. If ya'll write anything, for the LOVE OF GOD, LINK ME.

[ranbling]

Thinking about Chase and his family issues and honestly, while most of the fandom and fanfics I’ve seen tend to focus on his dad being the more abusive or at the very least leaving more scars, I feel like his mother was probably worse. I’m not saying Rowan was a shitty dad- or that a parent not being present doesn’t leave you with problems, but I don’t think he was as bad as people make him out to be, and I do think his mom probably caused more issues than his dad. Whatever type of alcoholic she was, violent, very emotional, always black out drunk, it undoubtedly would’ve hurt a lot to have to take care of a parent like that. Oh yea and the parentification aspect would’ve been stressful for a teenager as well.  If Chase does feel more anger towards his dad tho I feel like it could come from a feeling that he caused all of that to happen , that if he hadn’t have left, it wouldn’t have spiralled into all of the things that came after and eventually lead to his mom dying, or the feeling that his mom was actually a victim in this situation. Having been in a similar  situation I don’t know if it just gives me more insight into family dynamics like this or if it makes it seems like I’m projecting. The people will choose. Seeing your parent slowly destroy themselves is always ugly, and it makes you feel guilty, angry and stressed. They’ll hurt you, forget it and say you’ve lied, then remember and cry for forgiveness. But the apology never really works, because either it’ll never feel honest, or it’ll leave you just feeling guilty for being a bad kid or not saving them. 

 I’m still relatively early in the show tho, so I’m wondering what are your thoughts.

I think lot of fics are focusing more on Rowan 'cause he is there (which is ironic given that he wasn't there in Chase's childhood), and he is someone we actually saw and interacted with, while his mom is kinda like this mystical figure and its easier to put the blame on him (and Chase is holding more anger and resentment towards him - or at least expresses - so it's easier to make him out to be a monster)

I'm not sure we even know the name of Chase's mother by the end of the series. She's clearly there, kinda haunting the narrative for Chase, but we don't really know anything about her except that she was an alcoholic. There is one bit in later on the show (i'm not gonna spoil it) that like makes the whole situation worse, but otherwise there is like 3-4 things we know about the mother, there is no substance to make her into any kind of a character. There are many fics that also focus on the Chase and his relationship with his mom, but most fanfics take place during the show and its easier to just put all the blame onto the father.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Your rant👏👏👏

The thing that pisses me off the most is almost no one (saying almost because there's always bad exceptions) said they hope to reveal that Louis LIED. Every theory I saw was about Louis MISREMEMBERING, that he subconsciously changes memories because of trauma, that he asked Armand to help him forget to deal with pain, that Armand did it himself to protect Louis the only way he knows etc. Louis DOES lie about lestat deliberately out of anger (first interview "He appeared frail and stupid to me.. ") but I never saw people insinuate he lies NOW, because we understand what topic writers can touch (louis said lestat was dumb and ugly!) and what they can't (louis said lestat was abusive monster!)

But every damn time we theorize (wait, why do I call it theorize if it was confirmed countless times?), every time we REPEAT WHAT WAS SAID BY CREATOR, WRITERS AND ACTORS, which is "Louis doesn't remember everything. Armand influences tale. You will see s1 differently after s2. We will revisit scenes. LOUIS WILL ALWAYS BE BELIEVABLE VICTIM", we got people angry " SO YOU'RE CALLING LOUIS A LIAR???" when no one says he's lying. Lying is DELIBERATE action, we know Louis doesn't do it deliberately, we saw s1 final, we saw Louis telling the tale and actually believing in it, was Louis lying there when he said "she couldn't burn him"? No, he genuinely thought it was the case.

All i'm saying I really REALLY hope that those people will have decency to admit their wrongs when time comes. Or at least be quiet and don't turn on actors and writers for it. After all no one even tried to be mysterious, they always say things as clear as possible without outright spoilers

I doubt it that these people will have that decency, tbh. Like, most of the sources I shared in the rant are over a year old, with the exception of the more recent interviews where some kind of gag order seems to have dropped away, lol. (None of these sources, which I repeatedly used in defense of my doubting the tale in my fic made these people actually step back and examine what was being said. And why. I cannot count anymore how often I've been called things.)

It's been said. They just don't want to hear.

And I'm through with this willful ignorance.

It's NOT a necessity to read the books, imho. But at least listen to the ones creating this show. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary436

12/3-4/24

tuesday - wednesday

writing this as my gf prepares for work.

another short one today. i did some more drawing which was nice, i think i basically just need the hands to be done, and then it'll be over... then i can go onto another attempt at getting better at all this, which is exciting for me.

i watched 2 movies today, one was occult, which was by koji shiraishi, who directed noroi as well. i wanted to see some j-horror stuff because i've been so into siren lately. here's a couple shots of funny things i saw in it:

i like how this was filmed at the time when there was a big ad for ugly betty up in shibuya. i've seen that before on some images i found on flickr which feels really funny, to see that and be like, oh wow, it's from then!!

equally entertaining is that psp monster hunter ad.

there were some shots that were actually really nice, the whole ending bit is also insane, maybe i could have grabbed those but these are funny to me in i guess a very narrow way.

i quite liked the film itself, it's not so scary really, but at a certain point you get a sinking feeling, and it feels so sudden, a couple times you feel very bad, you see people broken up over things, the film generally feels focused on a particular kind of poverty in japan and what happens to the people who live on the outside of the norm out there, who are headed towards homelessness and are unstable, it's a movie that wishes for kindness for people like that, as well as taking the cult-terrorist fears of the general public and using this man to examine that/prod at why people end up there. like noroi though, the text isn't so interesting as is its uncanny atmosphere, the way the world is rendered through the camera and all the 'supernatural' sightings of leeches flying through the sky. i really like that stuff, i like how cheap and strange it looks, it makes it more carnivalesque which ultimately extends / articulates the film's goals a little better, a miserable laugh at the end of poverty, a mania of a certain kind and a curiosity driven to standing on the side of grave injury, getting swept up in a strange brotherhood with a strange man.

that's one thing i thought about, eno, when he and shiraishi drop the formalities, and they bond in that way, and around when that happens eno becoming extremely agitated towards the only woman at the dinner table with them, and how she dies at the end. i keep thinking about that, and what i wrote about yesterday a bit, more that it's interesting that the film makes a point of this man being oddly misogynistic and pathetic, like he wants her but doesn't know how to be charming or nice even so he goes to attack her. excluded from being normal himself, he attacks her for being 'weird' and quiet, this makes me think of nekojiru's work, where she'd go to lengths to express how outsiders aren't somehow some kind of cure or solely good force in relation to the broader scope of society, rather they absorb all the same neuroses and use them maybe moreso to protect themselves, to never be in the wrong despite generally being seen as such (all of those judgments though, take place in a subconscious way).

anyhow, i quite liked that film.

the other film i watched i didn't like so much, videophobia, i picked it because it also seemed j-horror-y and it sorta was, it was also a movie that i picked because it seemed intensely related to what i was writing about last night here, it's about a woman who discovers revenge porn of herself on xvideos and then, as time goes on, loses it bit by bit and gets plastic surgery to become a new person so she doesn't have to live with the fear of being found out. it's an effort to meditate on how we have this massive industry and, i don't know if this is true, but in the film a woman says that global usage of 'that site' which one she means idk (i would imagine this is the figure of the one big one (if it's a real figure at all)), sits at around something like 5 million hours yearly or something? maybe a jump up to billion? i don't know. but something obscene like that. that was the best part of the film, when the woman says that to her, just this kind of cosmic terror at a figure that great, that it measures to an impossible amount of years, that it feels hopeless in the face of that basically. but idk, the rest of the film is just kind of flat. i dunno. i can't get as excited about the rest of it as i can about that little bit lodged in it. the film at points doesn't come off as leering or creepy or whatever, it just feels odd in how it handles her suffering. i don't know, i just don't know. and the music felt so wrong at points. but it felt interesting too, to see that idea meditated on, this woman really was sacrificed to this managed desire.

but now it's almost 7 am, i am super duper tired,

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[quirkthieves]

👫+ monoma & kiri / kaiba & marik / ishizu

this has to be under a cut i got out of hand

ISHIZU & KAIBA

i think the moment she met him she went into older sister mode. not out of like, a need to baby him or whatever its actually the opposite he is so machiavellian and uppity and willing to escalate a situation that she was just like right yeah this is exactly how marik is. hes at that age, where boys like to blow up buildings in death matches.

for the aforementioned reason i think thats also why he gets to see a slightly more impish side to her she doesnt really share often. the banter is dry and fast she has said "skill issue" to him at least once and she absolutely does stunt on him whenever she manages to even slightly best him in anything. shes rambling about predynastic art and taking forever to get to her point on purpose. and when i think he and her are an absolute menace to joey like his va and her va did a duel once in character and she was murdering him verbally. at one point they were talking about the north american tournament and joey was like "yeah they wouldnt let me enter cuz my decks got banned cards in it" and shes like "joey if you entered even with your current deck you wouldnt win" and he was like "what? why do you say that? did your necklace tell you that?" and she said "no, I just used common sense." . i could feel her and kaiba high fiving on that one i saw it so clearly

also i really like how in battle city we see that like, especially after their duel and as the marik v yugi fight looms ever closer that she and kaiba genuinely talk strategy on the side. she and him are standing on opposite sides of the ring than yugis gang, like, given her whole thing you think shed be kicking it with them but now she and kaiba are gossiping and speculating and i think that shows that he genuinely respects her skill as a duelist even if he thought the fate stuff was bullshit. he knows her meta game was crazy real recognizes real.

theyre gonna have a really, really long talk after dsod.

MARIK & KAIBA

as above i think the two of them are very similar and i think that pisses them both off. they absolutely refuse to acknowledge it like if you said that theyd snort with derision and be like im nothing like him [insert snide remark here] but thats exactly what i mean. for that reason you cannot just leave them to their own devices together its going to get ugly, or if they have a mutual enemy, felonious. both of them designed Saw Games for yugi.

that being said i do think they should be on a podcast together to talk about like, duel monsters news and commentate on tournaments and stuff like the one-liners would be VICIOUSSSSSSSS . it would be like a frenemies situation i think.

he still feels. REALLY bad about the whole "maiming if not murdering" some of the medical staff on the battle city blimp and he has like, no idea how to broach that topic like if he should send a gift basket or apology text or what so like, hes pretty awkward around kaiba at least at first and is kinda just waiting for the day he brings it up. u said kaibas keeping that as an iou in his back pocket and i agree.

i think the ishtars sometimes hang out with (babysit) mokuba and whenever ishizu and rishid wont let him do something he goes to marik because marik 100% enables younger brother behavior . hes taken him on motorcycle rides. he probably showed him how to forge papers at some point. its really educational

MONOMA & KIRISHIMA

so like. ok hear me out. im about to grab manga panels you know this shit is about to be so for real serious. so like i talk a lot about the team up mission chapter where class a is nice to monoma and he freaks it but id like to bring up that kirishima is one of the main three actors of this plan, esp during the phase where they're trying to gather info on what monomas "secret message" is. deku asks monoma how hes feeling, and monomas like....im not fucking telling you that. so,

(condensed version for time and space). but the important part here is that while deku and Iida fail to engage Monoma in normal conversation because Monoma doesn't have normal conversations with Class A, when Kirishima is like "dude just fucking punch me" Monoma is vaguely confused but goes all in, despite the fact that fist fighting Kirishima is probably more of an immediate threat to his health and safety than talking about his feelings.

so what I'm getting at here is that like, I think Kirishima is fundamentally more capable of communicating with Monoma than maybe other members of Class A not despite the sourness between them but because of it. While Kirishima is kind enough at his core to do this because they think Monoma's in danger (and because they think figuring it out will make him...stop. the things he does.), he also has picked up on the fact that communication with Monoma, even well-meaning, has to be delivered in an antagonistic manner, because he has already done the back-and-forth bickering with Monoma that makes his world go round, unlike Iida and Midoriya.

So I think even though they dislike each other, ironically, Kirishima's better at getting a read on him than a lot of other people.

um. I'm just gonna keep going till it loosely approximates four ideas im in too deep. anyways. It's also important to remember that the remedial classes in the forest training camp were fucking LONG. They were four hours a night. That is.a LOT of acute Monoma exposure for the Class A flunkies late into the evening and we know from the light novels that during that time, he was getting up to mischief and frequently taking "restroom breaks" in which he went and cheated in games on behalf of his classmates who did not know he was doing this. but again anyway the point is that kirishima was. very early on introduced to and spent extended periods with monoma's particular brand of crazy and this would only be even more relevant if hes friends with tetsutetsu, who monoma is also fairly close with. i think thats kinda why we see a willingness for kirishima to get up in his personal space more:

which like, watch out kirishima you may be roped into the monoma handler crew. but like i think a lot about that and like, how kirishima actually tries to explain it to monoma even though as someone who has acute monoma toxicity poisoning he knows this is a very futile effort because kirishima is someone who, actively, is trying to be the manly guy he idolizes, but god, this motherfucker does make it really hard sometimes. most of the time. every time. he is trying to give him the benefit of the doubt because maybe one day it will be different but he does not have his hopes up and he does not know what is wrong with this dude.

which leads me into the next thing i think, sort of along the same lines as bakugou although not as much, monoma does both envy and admire kirishima for being one of the "strong". naturally he'd rather chew his own hands off than say it, but i also dont think he's picked up on the fact that kirishima is the way he is in a very deliberate manner, like that, he worked to be the person he is today and continues to do so. i think if he did know, monoma would respect him a lot more, because he really admires that kind of self-determination and deeply wishes he, too, could form that strong of a personal identity. again, he probably really wouldnt.... express it that well? like i think maybe monoma admiring your strong traits more is kind of a fast track to him being even more annoying because he is truly instinctively a little hater . but he doesnt actually dislike kirishima for any personal reason, like, he has no qualms with kirishima as a person-- he himself is good friends with tetsutetsu. it's solely the class a thing, and the fact that monoma cant really detangle those feelings of jealousy and admiration. he doesnt really care what kirishima thinks of him, but he does make more of an effort when he engages in his antagonism with kirishima, because hes feeling like "look, i want to stand on ground with you as an equal, i see you as strong enough to be worth putting the energy into this rivalry, youre so cool that i feel like im strong if i can keep up with you" except even he doesnt know this is what hes thinking and nobody really wants this. but i dont think he could even really bring himself to HATE hate kirishima or even match his pure dislike as an individual because monoma has no reason to. hes just an awful little man.

also monoma pesters him a lot because he really really likes his quirk. you should be honored kirishima , really. its really fun to him. naturally he does use it for mischief but even non mischief reasons he just thinks its neattttt hes probably got him some deku-style notes about it. its also probably why monoma would tag along on any training tetsutetsu invites him to do with kirishima around bc otherwise he would be like . why would i want to be sweaty and around those despicable clowns when i dont even have to be. <- knows he has no chance of winning a sparring match and is not even going to try

[bpdonni]

im falling apart and i dont know if i can fix it.

ive never felt worse in my life. ive been in the psych ward twice, but those times don't hold a candle to now.

i cant afford to live. i cant afford to die. my family can see that im struggling-the very ugly and worst parts of myself are on full blast. im hurting everyone, especially cedric. he's just trying to keep everything afloat, but im too busy in my own head to do what i need to in order to make up for it. most people who interact with me hate me. i always wondered why, but as i lay around in this ball ive been in all day, im realizing that everything i was put through was too much. it made me into a monster. im always mooching off my mom and brother but they hardly ever even message me anymore. my own fucking father hates me. my best friend in the world got tired of my shit. ive become tired of trying, so i only really try at the one thing that keeps me useful at all. the only thing that is keeping me alive, but killing me even more: work. i like my job! but its lonely because of the night shift, and that im too awkward to try to make any friends there.

my coping mechanisms are further dragging me down. ordering food when we can't afford it at all. hypersexuality. self-isolation. it's making me a selfish, horrible person. but was i ever not a shitty person? i don't think so. all i have to offer anymore is the money i make that very barely keeps us afloat. and i keep going to the train station, but i just... can't end it. i want to. but i can't bring myself to do it. whether it's because of the stop being crowded, or chickening out, or realizing me dying won't actually lessen the load on my family... i know this last point to be true in theory, but what good am i doing here? i dont have the energy to be the parent i need to be. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE A PARENT I LOVE THEM I SHOULDN'T FEEL LIKE THIS BUT WHY DID THEY DO THIS TO ME WHY THE DUCK AN I THE ONE PICKING UP THE PIECES IM BIPOLAR AND BPD IM DOOMED BY THE MOTHERFUCKING NARRATIVE WHY ME WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY IM DESTINED TO KILL MYSELF IM NOT GONNA LIVE PAST 30 SO WHY AM I THE FUCKING ONE WHO HAS TO DO THIS WHY COULDN'T THEY STAY OFF METH WHY DO THEY REFUSE TO LOVE ME- ah i can't blame them on that last part i hate me too. that's in large part their fault. and the part of my life that i cling to, the one thing i know for certain: my queerness. i love it but why couldn't it be something that you know people liked? so many people voted for donald fucking trump so they could see people like me kill themselves for their comfort? why do i need to be the bigger person and deal with it? i can barely think of anything else besides death, WHY? my baby polar bear. it occurred to me that i think she was actually only 10 or 11. what did i do wrong? i know the answer to that. couldn't afford to take her to the vet when i KNEW something was wrong? now instead of paying back the vet, im drowning in the costs to cremate her. god, i cant get her face out of my mind. i tried to close her eyes, her mouth, but rigor mortis had set in too much. i could smell the death on her not quite breath. i took the responsibility of making sure the kids and my partners didn't have to see that. i wish she hadn't been alone. i wish that i had checked her cage as soon as i came home. god, the smell of death is one that you never forget. i can still smell it now. from when i saw the decapitated corpse and her sloughing skin, to boo boo... this is the most raw look of death ive ever seen, two instances in the past couple of months. it's gross, it's ugly, it's scary. so why do i want to be dead so bad? why do i want to do this to everyone i love? why can't people see that im in complete fucking ruin? it's starting to become pretty apparent now, but still. i can't really... get this out. because if i tell anyone the extent, my trips to the train station, typing my legal information in my phone when i forgot to bring my id, because i was so sure that time that i was going to do it. ive also been staring longingly out the window of the 7th floor at work, thinking about taking the elevator to the 10th floor and jumping. it'd be a nice view before i go at least. i could also take all the pills in the house (except the others prescriptions.) weve got all these huge bottles of tylenol- talked to my husband. theyre making me a grilled cheese.

[thisliminalspacedaydreams]

30, 19 and 5 for the ask game!!

This ask game

​Hi hello hi how are you?

myes yes yes

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

​Actually yes. I live my life through music. I have my office music, my "recent hits" music, each fic (that is a little long) has its own playlist, my running music, my "it's time to puzzle" playlist, my "I'm drunk and I want to dance in my kitchen" playlist. 

​All the public playlists that I rotate between are in my Spotify profile, which is here. 

30. most inspirational quote you’ve ever read or heard that’s still important to you.

​It's not inspirational. Okay sit down babe we're rocking our knees and being depressed for a second. Nothing motivates me more than sad-ass shit. Don't ask me why, we aren't discussing it. But the quote that comes back to me all the time is...

“But you have to satisfy the monster. The monster has loved you for longer than anyone else.” ​ (Florence Welch, Useless Magic: Lyrics and Poetry​).

It's all in line with the whole "no one understands me except one person" situation I've got going on. This one person, I would argue, is as close to a soulmate as I'll ever have. She also happens to have her birthday today (happy birthday, B).

My point is that I don't really get motivated by inspirational things. I like seeing really sad ass quotes and reflections on life, and that's what drives me. Because it makes me think. And when I think, I challenge myself. And when I challenge myself, I create. 

So basically I get creative when I'm sad. Good thing it happens often.

19. What are some books or authors that influenced your style the most?

​#1 Laini Taylor (forever my #1, her storytelling skills are in my opinion unmatched and her metaphor literally skin me alive).

#2 Renée Ahdieh (I haven't read The Wrath and The Dawn in forever but I remember feeling THERE when I read it. In terms of description of where the characters are, smells, sights... I remember thinking it was really well done).

#3 (bear with me) Colleen Hoover. Now I haven't read any Colleen Hoover books in... a good decade at this point, but I read Slammed ages ago when it came out and I think it was the first time I ever saw a book being written differently (there were (bad) slam poems in there, and I was so shook. I then read Ugly Love and again, I remember reading it and thinking, "wait, you can do this in a published book?" The prose isn't what I turn to for "great literature", but she did break some writing codes in a way I hadn't ever seen before, and it made me feel like I was allowed to do it, too.

#4 Michael Grant, with his series Gone had me in a chokehold when it came to cliffhangers and big casts. It's not where I (personally) thrive, but I recognize writing lots of people's stories interviewing is insane and I love reading about them, even though I would never write it myself. 

I think that's it have the mostest beautiful day

[shinra-makonoid]

I gave the benefit of the doubt to Velma and tried one episode. The show doesn't take itself seriously, I'm pretty sure most of the critics to it are from people who didn't understand it was not taking itself seriously.

For example, during the beginning you have a group of women taking a shower, so you see their butt because they're naked and all. They start talking about the fact that most shows have a pilote in which you have way more sex than any other episode later to hook the spectator. And you have Daphne saying it's bad while another character says actually it's good and I like it that way. And then there's a naked fight in the shower room. It's kinda obvious that they're mocking themselves considering they're doing the exact thing one main character disliked lmao

The show mocks itself for its own shortcuts and shit they're pulling. Another example, I saw someone say that Velma doesn't have any growth but it's not actually the case, she grows a lot in one episode, too much actually. They play the guilt part that gives hallucinations, which is a cliché, then they have an Norville who's obviously a drug user kind of guy who says "drugs are bad" like it was coming out of an advertisement against drugs. Velma defeats her hallucinations with "jokes" (because he's serious but Velma thinks he's joking) told by Norville the same way you'd defeat a monster in an RPG. You have Velma changing to a hottie suddenly (classic ugly to hot trope in highschool series), again very cliché, and then no one actually takes her seriously so she gets back to her hold self. Then you have a very cliché scene that they mock (the toilet is being used so you hear it being triggered while Daphne is trying to speak so she stops herself multiple times) in which Daphne warns Velma to not flirt with Fred.

Like, if you think none of that was on purpose then idk what to tell you, all of this seem calculated to me.

None of the show is realistic at all, which is why I personally don't like it, but it's made with the purpose of it being cliché/unrealistic/mocking shows, so you can't really say it's a bad show for those reasons, it's literally satyre/parodic.

Anyone hate watching it is actually pretty much falling into the goal of that show imho.

[parkersroses]

stupid boy. | harry styles.

summary: Harry comes to his senses and realises it's been you all this time. a continuation of stupid girl.

wc: 4.1k

warning(s): minor angst and some fluff!

a/n: (disclaimer: gif belongs to @oneandonlycheshirecat​) ahhh i hope you guys like this as much as the first part! do lmk what you think of it, reblog (!!) & comment, let's talk about it! here's my ko-fi if you consider donating and supporting me more. all my love to you all <3

Harry finds himself staring down at his black coffee, watching it swirl as he stirs his spoon around. The spoon makes clinking sounds as it moves against the rim of the cup and he hears it scraping against the bottom of it.

It’s generally calm in the coffee shop he’s in. The baristas are bustling around behind the counter and sounds of the coffee machines being used are elicited. He hears the sound of the register as the customers pay and the cashier thanking them, proceeding to greet the next customer. People are sat in their own spaces, minding their own things like gossip or struggling to finish up an assignment.

Harry sat in a booth next to the glass window of the shop. He finds himself not paying that much attention to the world around him, instead just staring out through the window he sits next to. His mind is a blur and he sort of forgets why he was out in the first place.

He gently sips on his hot black coffee. The warm bitter taste sitting on his taste buds. You once told him what a monster he was when he told you it’s the only way to drink coffee. You disagree because you couldn’t handle the taste, opting for steamed milk in your coffee. He smiles at the memory of the little things you both would disagree on.

He hasn’t seen you or spoken to you in a while. In fact, he doesn’t know if he should. He doesn’t know if you would want to see him or talk to him. He wonders what are you doing at the moment.

He’s been thinking about everything that has happened between the two of you since that night. How he believes it may have been his fault that the friendship is possibly ruined.

What is he supposed to say anyway? What should he say? He’s never realised how his own best friend was in love with him. He realises now of how stupid and selfish he was to not even consider her feelings when he first suggested they would start fake dating.

He convinces himself that he is still hopelessly in love with Amber. Well, at least he thinks he is. He’s not even sure of his own feelings anymore.

At first, he was so sure about his feelings for Amber. He thought of the plan going so well, convincing everyone including her that you both are in love, that maybe some jealousy might spark from her and tell him ‘Hey, I still love you too.’ Then, that night happened and everything about winning Amber back went out of the window.

He thinks about you a lot and sometimes wonders if you do the same. And he misses you. He really misses you.

He misses the way you tease him for even the smallest things. He misses talking to you about writing music because you are usually his confidant who always motivated him to write what he likes. He misses your laughter and how you throw your head back like a little kid, how you’d even apologise for having an ugly laugh when he always thought it was adorable.

Yeah, he misses you a lot. He asks himself whether she feels the same. Whether she too is somehow feeling alone, not knowing if the other wants anything to do with you or even speak to you at all. He hopes that you don’t think it’s all your fault.

After all, he was the selfish, blind and stupid one.

“Harry,” a soft-spoken voice pulls him out of his thoughts. He looks up and smiles at the person he’s been meaning to talk to. Maybe she could somehow help him figure out his feelings.

“Amber, hi.” He stands from his seat, giving her a small hug. He gestures to her the seat in front of him and she gladly sits. It doesn’t seem as awkward as he expected.

“Quite surprised you wanted to meet, actually,” she confesses to him, chuckling a bit. He rubs the back of his head in a nervous manner. A waiter comes by to take her order and she politely asks for a latte.

Funny, you like lattes. No wonder you got along with her, he guesses.

“Yeah. I’m sorry for calling you out of the blue like this,” he apologises. She waves her hand in front of him, telling him it’s all good. “It’s fine. It’s great seeing you again,” she tells him.

“So, how’ve you been since I last saw you?” He enquires.

“Oh, I’ve been alright. Work has been good. Nothing major goes on, unlike you, superstar,” she jokes and they both laugh at this. “That’s great to hear. I’m really happy for you.” She smiles to thank him and the waiter comes back again with her drink.

He is itching to ask her this and hopes it doesn’t come out as too forward or invasive. “Um, what about your friend? The one you brought with you the other week we met?” He asks, his head is slightly tilted down as if he’s scared to make eye contact with her after that question.

“Oh, yeah! He’s great! He really enjoyed meeting you guys, by the way!” Her face lights up when she talks about him and it doesn’t go unnoticed by Harry. “Never asked this then, but how did you guys meet?” He curiously asks.

Her face blushes at this. “Um, we met at work actually. Met him on my first day and taught me some things here and there about the place. We have become quite close since then.” She tells him, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “We, uh, have been on a couple dates. So yeah, that’s something that’s been going on.”

Naturally, Harry would ultimately feel jealous that the girl he still loves has her eye and heart on another man. But it doesn’t feel that way. He didn’t feel jealousy running through his veins at this. He didn’t feel sadness at the fact that she’s probably moved on.

“That’s great, Am. M’happy for you,” he tells her. And he genuinely means it now.

She thanks him and sips on her drink. “What about you and Y/N? How’s the love life going on with you two?” She teases, wiggling her eyebrows at him. He lets out a sad laugh at this. “Yeah, um. Not that great at the moment.”

“Oh?” She frowns at this.

“We, um, I guess we sort of broke up.” He says unsurely.

“You guess?”

He sighs. “We had an argument over something. We both got upset. Haven’t seen or even talked to her for a while now.”

His gaze is averted down at the table where his black coffee is at. It seems that even talking about brings feelings of guilt filling up his body.

“I’m sorry about that, Harry.” Amber looks at him, seeing how small and sad he looks. It’s clear for her to see how he regrets the argument.

“I just don’t know what to say to make things better. Feel like I might say something wrong again.” He sighs, feeling frustrated with himself.

Amber thinks for a moment on how to help him. “Well, what do you feel right now?”

Harry’s eyebrows furrow for a second. “I’m upset. Upset that I haven’t spoken to her. Upset that I don’t know what she’s feeling right now or how she's doing. Upset that everything is my fault. I don’t know how to help or fix us.” He breathes out.

“And you haven’t reached out to her yet?”

He shakes his head, almost feeling ashamed that he hasn’t. “No. Don’t know what I’d say if she would listen to me.”

Frustration is building up and his emotions are going haywire. He’s mad at how he’s ruined things with his best friend and how his own selfishness was the root of it.

Amber is quiet for a moment. She feels sad for him that he’s feeling this way. She thinks of how much he really cares for you, loves you even. And that he’ll do anything to fix whatever that’s left between you two. But one thing she knows about Harry is that he doesn’t give up easily on the people he really loves.

“Well, do you love her?” She asks. Harry lifts his head up so fast at the question.

“What?”

“Harry, do you love her?”

Harry has to pause and think. Of course, he loves you. You’re his best friend, his confidant for nearly everything he does.

He loves you even though you drink your tea with milk sometimes. He loves you even when you buy books despite not yet finishing the ones you have on your shelf. He loves you even when you sometimes put him before you for everything.

He loves your laughter. He loves holding your hand because of how warm and comforting it is. He loves holding you because you tend to hold him tighter, especially when he’s had a bad day and confided in you when he and Amber broke up. He loves calling you cute pet names because he enjoys seeing your cheeks heat up in embarrassment but he does it anyway as it just seems so natural to do it. And you’re beautiful. So, so beautiful. 

He thinks about the way you are and how you’ve always been the one person that always supported him. He loves you in many ways he could possibly think of. And it’s just like that, he realises he was never still in love with Amber. Even during the times where he’d want her to look at you two when you fake-dated. Even after that night, he always thought of you and never once tried to plan to pursue Amber. He never cared about that anymore. All he thought about is you. You. You. You.

He always wanted to see you, smiling and laughing. He always so naturally called you ‘baby’ and ‘love’.

He had you all this time.

He’s in love with you.

He gasps as he realises this. Amber is still staring at him, waiting for his answer. “I do,” he finally speaks. And she smiles at his answer.

“I do love her.” He says it confidently and surely.

She nods, and it’s written all over his face that he’s in love with her. “Then, you should tell her that. Swallow up your pride. Apologise. Chase after her.”

Harry swallows the lump in his throat. She grabs his hand from across the table. He used to think that sparks would fly when he’s with her. But he doesn’t feel like that with her anymore. He just wants you and only you. That is, if you’ll have him.

“Harry,” she starts. “I know she loves you too. She’ll forgive you if you talk it out.” And he believes it.

Without a moment to waste, he gets up from his table. He apologises profusely but thanks her and tells her he’ll pay for the drinks, in which she tells him not to worry so much.

As he rushes out the door, Amber watches him and smiles to herself. She hopes for the best for the two of you. Even from the look on his face, she knew.

It’s always been you.

—

Knocks on your door pull you out from your thoughts. The last couple of days had your emotions going on a rollercoaster ride. You figured it was easier to just sit and journal anything and everything your mind has to say.

To your knowledge, you weren’t really expecting anyone. Unless, it’s a package of something you might have impulsively purchased the other day to cope with your loneliness and sadness.

You often wonder whether you have ruined your friendship with Harry. You miss him, you always do. You still love him even though he can be clueless at times. But you guess that’s what makes Harry, Harry.

You wonder whether he feels the same.

You’ve been plucking up the courage to call him and ask how he's been doing, failing miserably at the thought that he might not want to talk about it. God, you really need to come through if he’s not going to, you think.

You wait for a moment to see if the knocks would continue, and they don't at first. You shrug at yourself and focus back on the journal entry you’re writing on before a couple more knocks come in.

You sigh, throwing your head back as your moment of peace is ruined. You stand and make your way to the door, not bothering to clean yourself up, though you thought you look pretty decent. Dark sweatpants and a slightly oversized graphic tee.

Yeah, not bad for someone who’s been moping about her best friend who she’s in love with and possibly ruined it.

The person is still knocking on your door and you’re getting slightly irritated. You unlock the door and open it, ready to tell the person off when you stop before the words could come out.

“Harry?”

He stands there, dressed in a vintage tee and a pair of jeans. The shirt looks a bit small on him which makes it hug his chest and biceps. His tattoos are on display as they’re scattered all over his skin. You still think he looks good and attractive. Why the hell are you so whipped for this man?

He has a bag in his hands and you notice it’s food from the Mexican restaurant you love going to together. He even has a small bouquet of your favourite flowers. His face has a small yet nervous smile etched on it. If you weren’t having such a tough exterior put up, you think you might’ve cried. Not yet, though.

“Hi,” he says. And you realise how much you miss hearing his voice in person.

“Hey.” You stare at him for a moment before realising he was probably waiting to come in.

“Please! Come in!” You politely usher him in as you open your door wider for him. He thanks you as he walks in, not forgetting to talk off his shoes by the door, arranging them neatly next to your shoes like he always does.

He looks around your place, fidgeting on his feet like it’s the first time he’s been in here. You clear your throat to catch his attention. “Um, I brought food.” He lifts the bag in front of you and you chuckle. “I can see that,” you tell him as you take the bag from his hands. Harry follows behind you as you go to set the bag on your kitchen counter.

You turn around to look around to look at him, your eyes falling on the flowers he has. “Oh, uh, for you.” He thrusts them into your hand and you smile at the gesture. “Thanks,” you say softly as you breathe in the floral scent. You turn to your kitchen to find an empty vase to put the flowers in.

He scratches the back of his head in a nervous manner. “Um, I’m sorry for just showing up like this. I just wanted to see you. And I thought we could have some lunch together so I brought food too.”

You nod at his words. He’s still fidgeting in his place, looking nervous and almost shaking. “Harry, just relax. It’s just me,” you comfort him as you lay a hand on his arm gently. He nods and lets out a breath. “Sorry, um, I was nervous that you might not want to see me again.”

You frown at this. “Harry, I’ll always want to see you,” you tell him. “Yeah, I just thought, after that night, I might’ve ruined things between us,” he breathes out.

The corner of your lips lift up slightly at the man in front of you. Your eyes avert to the floor beneath. “If it’s anything, I thought I might’ve ruined things between us.” He frowns at this.

“Hey.” He’s itching to grab your hand, wanting to feel the warmth of your touch, but he doesn’t want to scare you off. “You definitely didn’t do anything other than being honest. I promise.”

You sigh at him. “Harry, we don’t have to talk about it. We can just pretend everything is fine.”

“No!”

His sudden tone takes you by surprise and you raise an eyebrow. He almost cowers back after realising this. “I’m sorry. Shouldn't have yelled like that.” He takes in a breath. “I just feel like I should say something. I mean, I've been thinking a lot about what I was going to say when I came over, so,” he trails off, looking at you still. He takes a moment to realise how pretty and beautiful you are. He doesn’t know why it took him so long to realise how in love he is with her.

“Okay.” You tell him and you almost get deja vu from the time you agree to fake-date him.

He lets out a big breath. “Okay, uh,” he exhales. “I just want to say I’m sorry first. For not really considering how you might feel when we did what we did. I should’ve made sure you were actually okay with it. I wish I knew how you actually felt about it.”

“Harry, you couldn’t have known how I felt because I never told you anything,” you tell him. “And, it’s fine. Really. I agreed to it, anyway.”

Harry nods, but his lips are in a straight line. He expects you to tell him how upset you were, but you don’t. You’re selfless enough to put his own feelings before yours when you agree to his plan. He kicks himself internally because of it.

You sense that he’s having a battle in his mind over this, so you take his hand in yours in hopes to somewhat ease what he’s feeling. He’s shocked to say the least when you do this but he instantly tightens his grip. And God, he misses holding your hand.

You clear your throat a bit. “Um, that was the first thing you wanted to say. What is the second?” You softly question him.

“Um,” he pauses. He’s looking at you and he can’t stop looking at you. He thinks carefully on his next words, not wanting to lose you if he says what he wants to.

“I’m in love with you,” he finally blurts out. He feels a slight relief in his chest after saying that.

But it’s almost like the world froze and it has become eerily quiet as he waits for your reaction. He’s starting to think that he broke you because you're staring at him in shock. He’s starting to sweat a bit because you haven't said a word.

He opens his mouth to say something, but your free hand goes up to touch his face.

“Wha-,” He’s confused as you pat around his face, concern and slight shock still etched on your face. “I’m making sure you’re not sick or burning up,” you say to him.

“What? I’m not sick!” He grabs her hand, making her pause her actions.

“Well, you’re sweating!”

“Because I’m nervous around you and you haven’t said anything!”

“You just said you’re in love with me! Sorry if I am shocked that the man I’m in love with just confessed his love to me and that I think he’s joking!” you whine at your defense.

Harry pauses for a moment before chuckling at her. He doesn’t realise how much he misses the playful banter you both have. “You silly, stupid girl,” he says, holding both of your hands. “I’m not joking. I am really, truly, stupidly, in love with you, lovie.”

There he goes, calling you pet names that might make you melt.

“You are?” You ask softly, almost not believing the words that are coming out of his mouth.

“I am.”

“You’re not just saying this, right? I’m serious, you’re playing around with me, I will-”

“I’m serious!” He throws his hand up in defense. “I promise. I, uh, thought long and hard about it. Realised how much I missed you and how I hated being away from you. Realised how much I love and care about you more than I should and I wish I realised what I felt sooner. Every day and night since the last time we saw each other, all I could think about is you and how you were feeling. Been thinking about what I wanted to say or how I wanted to apologise. And there was never a second where you weren’t constantly on my mind."

You smile at his long confession and stifle a small laugh. “You really are something else, Styles.” You tell him. “Hated being away from you too. I felt the same way, wondering how or where you’ve been. Wondering if I still had my best friend and if he still wanted me around.”

“You know I’ll always want you around.” He tells you.

“Well, I hate you for taking so long to tell me that.” You grin at him sarcastically.

“No, you don’t. You love me,” he teases you. You groan at him.

“Don’t push it.”

You both giggle at each other, feeling as though the air is clearing between you. His smile falters a bit as he studies your face. “I’m sorry for taking so long.” He holds your hand and loves the familiar warmth it gives him.

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.” You look at your joint hands together, loving how right it feels.

“I love you,” he tells you, gazing at you lovingly. You bring a hand up to his face and caress his cheek. He sighs at the feeling, leaning into your touch as his eyes close. “I love you, too.”

You notice his eyes averting back and forth between your eyes and lips. “Are you gonna kiss me?” You say playfully. He smirks at this. “Yeah, I am. If you’ll let me.”

“Harry, if you don’t kiss me right now, I’ll-,” You’re immediately cut off as Harry grabs your face in his large hands, pressing his lips onto yours. And it feels like, finally. You sigh into the kiss, tasting the sweetness of his lips on yours. His lips feel soft like you’ve always (embarrassingly) imagined it’d be. You let out a tiny whimper as you feel his tongue enter your mouth. You gasp at this and grip on his shirt, as if telling him to not move away from you.

He moans as he pulls away, lifting your chin up. He looks at you so in awe and in love, it sends my heart bursting with so many emotions. He leans in again to kiss you, making it longer like he’s memorising the way your lips taste.

You both pull away again to catch your breath. Harry sneaks in another peck which makes you giggle and smile. You gaze on him, eyes lingering on his swollen and extra pink lips after your kiss and it makes your heart fill with pride knowing it’s because of you. His green eyes seem to sparkle more now that you think about it.

Harry lets out a chuckle, leaning his forehead on yours. You are both smiling like idiots in love. You wrap your arms around his neck and he pulls you in by your waist. You both sway a bit in your place, the feeling of love and adoration for each other lingering on.

A rumbling noise pulls you both out of the moment. He pulls away and laughs. “Was that you?” You whine in embarrassment as you bury your head in his chest. “I’m hungry and you brought food here. I’m sorry,” you mumble onto his shirt.

“Mmm, guess we should eat then, right lovie?” He says, looking down at your figure. You hum in reply as you look up at him. “Will you stay the night?”

He grins and his heart melts at the small request. “I’ll stay as long as you’ll want me to, baby.”

“I’ll always want you,” you feel your face warm up as you say this but it’s true. He kisses your forehead and your eyes close at the feeling of his lips on yours.

You both grin stupidly at each other before he leans in again to kiss you. You’re quick to react as you pull him closer. Harry takes you by surprise as he suddenly lifts you off your feet, spinning you around as you kiss. You squeal and laugh at this, it makes Harry smile as he sees you throw your head laughing. He trails his lips down to your jaw and neck, kissing lightly on it.

There’s nothing he’d ever exchange this moment for. Your laughter and the kisses you share whilst being so madly and stupidly in love.

And it just finally feels right with you and him.

[scott-mccall-the-hot-girl]

my ultimate guide to thiam fic !!

( as a new teen wolf stan )

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the classic post war, long ass (multi chapter) fic !!with great development that genuinely made me laugh out loud, they have the best friendship in this & i love it very much. ( like theo teaches liam to drive and i just *happy sobs* ) a fundamental in thiam fanfiction !! all stans have probably already read it but if you haven’t this is in fact a threat ,, go show this vv iconic story some love !!

Airplanes - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: After the Anuk-ite and the hunters are dealt with Liam needs a break. Cue Theo and a road trip that Liam should know better than to think will be peaceful.

Not Rated, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, 43/43 Chapters, Words: 236,875 (236k)

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okay okay so this one is also post 6B !! but ,, now we introduce fighting monroe & the hunters again ,, so we get the boys & a new mission !! so if you like an intresting plot 11/10 would recommend !! just to be clear this ISN’T complete ,, if that turns you off i understand but definitely give this one a read !! it litterally have theo doing crossword puzzles & fighting zombies

Vacancy Signs - LovelyLittleGrim

Summary: Theo and Liam are in Manhattan negotiating a pack allyship when the zombie apocalypse breaks out. Now, the two of them have to find their way back to Beacon Hills without getting eaten by zombies or killing one another.

Rated: Explicit, Graphic Description of Violence, Not Completed, 15/17 Chapters, Words: 89,605 (89k)

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Royalty AU !! I REPEAT ROYALTY AU !! a fantastic au where i stan their moms more than i stan them !! genuinely so good at the childhood rivals to lovers trope !! i’m genuinely obsessed with this one. has made me cry more than once ,, hurts in a good way <3 the ending is just *chefs kiss* also one of the tags is genuinely: # theo and liam make bad choices for over 130k straight !! if that doesn’t sound appealing i don’t know what does !!

Artificial Love - songbvrd

Summary: Prince Theo and Prince Liam are forced to spend every Summer together from age five onwards. They hate each other, and usually find ways to make each other miserable as much as possible in their six weeks together. But when they're reunited because of intended unions as adults, things change. They're both supposed to be married to noble women, but neither of them is as interested in anyone else as they are with their childhood rival.

Rated: Mature, No Archive Warnings Apply, Completed, Chapters: 32/32, Words: 172,935 (172k)

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so if you are in the mood for a crack fic that’s not explicitally a crack fic this is for you !! okay so i’m really hit or miss with AU’s ,, sometimes i feel like they don’t quite capture the characters right but this story have the BEST dramatic liam i have ever seen in my life !! basically they all live in the same apartment building & it’s fantastic !! i saw this one floating around a lot but the summary didn’t really unrest me until i have it a shot !! so go read it rn !! also nolan & brett are genuinely fantastic and make me wheeze ,, LIKE ACTUALLY VERBALLY LAUGHING !! all i’m gonna say is that my fav characters are scott & the beetles but that won’t make actual sense until you read it !!

The Neighbors Song - TheodoreR

Summary: “I always hear you singing on your balcony every morning, but suddenly you’ve stopped?”

Or the one where Theo annoys Liam every morning with his awful singing until he doesn’t anymore and Liam is even more annoyed. Liam hates every single thing about his mornings -the fact that they happen in the morning alone is enough. The thing Liam hates the most about his mornings though is the terrible voice of the guy who lives below him. He can’t sing for shit and Liam tried to politely let him understand that by throwing flour and water on his balcony, and also by shouting it to him, you can’t sing for shit!, and then by writing it into a note he proceeded to attach to his door, but this Raeken guy just keeps doing it, every single morning, like a fucking rooster. Liam did nothing to deserve this. He probably didn’t do anything to deserve better either to be fair, he doesn’t expect to open his window and be welcomed by some angelic voice singing him good morning, he’d just be happy with nothing. Silence. That’s something Liam can appreciate in mornings. Just some bark from his dog and the sound of his misery and that’s it. But no, god forbid the new guy lets him have that.

Rated: Explicit, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Wanrings, Completed, 8/8 Chapters, Words: 42,814 (42k)

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me: i’m not a big fan of AU’s ,, proceeds to talk about ANOTHER au… OKAY BUT THIS ONE !! it’s not complete but the author has been updating regularly ,, vv slow burn !! but in a REALLY intresting way !! i lOVE LIAM IN THIS SO MUCH ,, he is such a diaster of a person and it’s wonderful !! they have a great dynamic & i’m sucker for general puppy pack content ( and erica reyes being a badass ) !! also theo plays lacrosse in this & i really like it ahhhhh ,, also liam is just being an artic monkeys stan the whole time & theo is like *que confused repressed gay noises*

Inglorious Roommates - honeyscape

Summary: A roommate is defined as “a person with whom one shares a room.”

Theo would say a roommate was more along the lines of, “The person who's the bane of his existence. The weirdo that sleeps for days. The spaz that exercises at 3am. The guy with a revolving door of annoying friends. An insufferable human being that Theo has no control over living in his room.”

Example: Theo hates his roommate Liam.

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okay okay i hate myself but i have another WIP for y’all !! this one is jUST FANTASTIC. i’m genuinely so upset it’s most likely not going to updated again *incoherent screaming ensues*. for this story ,, it’s very theo-centric bUT thats bc it ends right before liam becomes a concrete member of the story !! ANYWAY: basic plot = theo & acquiring not one but two children ,, so #dad theo but he is still crusty & homeless and i love him very much. it’s just so GOOD !! just read if you want to experience my fav theo coming out story & him etching high school musical

Look who's talking - Captainmintyfresh

Summary: Theo had been labeled many things in his life. Evil, failure, monster. He'd never thought Father would be one of those things but as he looked across the table to a six year old with blue smears of bubble gum icecream across her face trying to coax the first words out of her sister. Finger jabbing towards Theo's face as she repeated 'Daddy' again and again he couldn't bring himself to dispute the label.

(Theo accidentally adopts two young werewolves)

Not Rated, Creator Chose Not to Use Archive Warnings, Not Completed, Chapters: 16/?, Words: 48740 ( 48k )

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so here me out: post-canon ( poetry like angst ) summer get away !! just the boys doing cute little domestic things together whilst pining !! theo’s guilt in this is just so powerful & aGjffkgkkfkvkdlv !! i think it’s so interesting to see how they interact in this one, it’s just very heart warming !! and it features one of my favorite niche teen wolf tropes of theo being great with like seven year old girls- it’s just so good ,, very much a wonderful little one shot that just makes your heart happy.

(next time i see you you'll show me) a hundred different ways to say the same things - cherrysprite

Summary: “...You deserve good things,” Liam says eventually. He makes sure not to look at Theo even though he can feel his eyes turn on him. Somehow he can already tell that Theo doesn’t believe him.

Liam instantly makes that the goal of this summer - making Theo believe him.

Rating: Teen and Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 28875 ( 28k )

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okay so this next section of fic recs is a bit different !!

two of my favorite authors !! and a compilation of fics i’ve read by them both !!

for context: these two have written some genuinely gorgeous fics, like pure poetry, they explore the real gritty & scary side of our boys relationship in such a wonderful way. they’ve both used some of my favorite tropes & i love them very much !!

whenever i need something soothing but so genuinely intresting & enticing these are my go to !! ( also they both write a lot of good nolan angst & some vv good fics with hayden )

go check out:

eneiryu

as well as fallingforboys

here are some of my favorite fics by them ~

darling i want you here in my arms (kiss the pain away, i know you can) - fallingforboys

even before you touched me, i belonged to you (all you had to do was look at me) - fallingforboys

memories linger like tattoo scars (but your touch on my skin is just as permanent) - fallingforboys

skin, bones, a stolen heart, and an ugly creature lurking underneath -fallingforboys

i don't know how to breathe in the place i called home - fallingforboys

whisper your gossamer truths into the shadow, maybe you'll find the answers you're searching for - fallingforboys

between the mountains and the valley we built a monument to our regret - eneiryu

cracked the hinges of the cage and waited for you - eneiryu

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okay and finally: since i am a self centered whore

my own fic: an rendition of the # elevator scene

it’s basically my version of post canon if we did get the kiss in the elevator. we got a classic liam pov in which he is has 12/10 for extreme bi diaster energy even whilst being shot at !! so go him ig…

Fuck Off, Fuck This & Fuck It! - nefelibata_peach

Summary: Liam thought to himself heart rate climbing, they were bound to be dead by morning. So he thought with everything but his brain and he kissed him.

Where Liam Dunbar is very confused, slightly traumatized, and just a bit scared but hey, aren't they all! Bad decisions ensue as two boys fight in a war they never did sign up for.

Rating: Teen and Up, Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Chapters: 1/1, Words: 3558 ( 3k )

[serpenteve]

I'm having the horrible realization that Aleksander never actually did any serious wooing of Alina in the books. It's all just Alina her self being horny attracted to him. But this is supposedly???? His grand scheme???? Of manipulation???? Implications! It seems like the girls in these books wasn't the only one slut shamed. I'm- ☠

Leigh wrote a man sexy and captivating and said "it's his fault, actually, that Alina got a crush on him. He shouldn't of.... uh.." Flips through papers. "Ah, had such pretty eyes."

Okay! 👀Yes, we are finally doing this!

I'm flipping through my copy of Shadow & Bone and noting down all the interactions between the Darkling and Alina which I've put in chronological order beneath the cut.

First of all, the Darkling and Alina are only alone together in about a handful of scenes. Most of the time, the are surrounded by other Grisha or Baghra or are in a public place. A lot of the Darkling's actions and words are clouded by Alina's own insecurities. She constantly voices how she feels like she's not good enough, not pretty enough, not strong enough and he takes it in stride and gently encourages and placates her. There are a few lies he does tell her (that the Black Heretic was his ancestor, that he wants to destroy the Fold, and he doesn't know what Baghra's power is, etc) but if we extrapolate the trajectory of her ill-fated romance arc, I think even book!Darkling would have told Alina about his real plans if she seemed like she'd accept them.

A lot of speculation has been made about the Darkling's seduction of Alina and honestly???? Aleksander literally just exists and Alina is thirsting for him because she's desperately looking for validation and re-assurance. I initially head-canoned his first kiss by the lake as being pure calculation and the kiss at the Winter Fete being 100% accidental (because Dark Lord Sasha played himself lmao) but on this re-read, I don't even know anymore. He already came close to almost kissing her after they have a tender moment, catches himself and then immediately leaves before he can catch feelings. Then when they share another tender moment at the lake, he kisses her and then is surprised by it and before he can really process it, Ivan comes by to cockblock.

Like, even Leigh (as much as she has shit on this ship) said at one point that the Darkling has strong feelings for Alina, even if he may not necessarily quantify them as love. So looking back, I don't read anything the Darkling did as manipulative seduction. He obviously lied about some stuff and wasn't transparent about his real plans for the Fold, but as a military commander who sees Alina as an opportunity for a coup, it makes sense that he'd play that a little close to the chest---especially when Alina has proved to be wary of his powers and has a very black-and-white sense of morality. If anything, this is less "the Darkling seduced Alina to manipulate her into being used!!11" and more "local dark lord tried to encourage his protege and accidentally caught feelings and it was a mASSIVE FUCKING INCONVENIENCE TO HIS EVIL PLANS"

But you know who does slut-shame Alina a lot? Baghra. Seriously, Baghra makes Alina feel like shit for her crush on the Darkling numerous times. She has all these lines:

"You want to be [his pet]...Don’t bother lying to me. You’re like all the rest. I saw the way you looked at him."

"Dreaming of dancing with your dark prince?"

"Foolish girl." (After Alina shamefully admits the Darkling might come to her that night)

At one point Baghra creeps on Alina and the Darkling's interactions and even though literally nothing happens between them and when the Darkling leaves, Alina catches Baghra giving her a snooty look. ("For no reason at all, I blushed")

She is determined to shame Alina for her feelings and make her feel like a lovesick idiot for daring to crush on him and this is in addition to all the slut-shaming Mal does. The narrative revealing the Darkling is the bad guy all along while leaving Alina no compelling arc to discover this on her own feels very much like Leigh hitting us all with Baghra's stick, like "Foolish girls! You thought he cared about Alina just because he has a sexy jawline??? HAHA HE LIED YOU SLUTS"

Scenes with Alina and the Darkling in Book 1

Their first scene together is in the Grisha tent. Based on Alina's description of him, she already thinks he's hot as barely any other character in this godforsaken series gets so many descriptions of their grey/smoke/slate/quartz eyes as Aleksander does 😏

The next time they're together he saves her life. Alina is traumatized from seeing a man sliced in half and the Darkling instructs her to keep her eyes on him instead. She is disturbed that he killed the person about to murder her and this aversion seems incredibly contrived and arbitrary on behalf of the author. It's almost like she wants Alina to be vindicated and shamed for not trusting her initial bigotry against him or something 🤔The Darkling admits even he can make mistakes and then he touches the back of Alina's neck (with some secret Heartrender/Healer abilities?) and she falls asleep riding on his horse.

They spend the next few days traveling. Alina notes that the Darkling hasn't spoken to her (probably because he's focused on getting her to the Little Palace without any more assassination attempts) but Alina is a paranoid she's offended him somehow. Again, this is just Alina's insecurity painting a narrative that simply doesn't exist based on what actually happened so far.

They exchange a few words by the stream and Alina fishes for pity points by saying she's ugly and can't possibly be Grisha. Aleksander appears 100% done with her stupidity and says she doesn't understand but he's not in the mood to explain at the moment and walks off ☠️

Alina joins the Darkling and his men for a meal. She notes that the grouse they've killed is meager shared meal but that the Darkling doesn't want to put his men in danger by sending them out to hunt in the forest at night 😌He also sits on the floor to eat like they do and he doesn't take more than the regular portion than they do 😌. Sorry, how is this man the most ~evil~ wizard on the planet? He is obviously a good and fair commander and beloved by the Grisha.

Alina has been checking Aleksander out the entire time so when he catches her, he walks over to talk. He fishes around for information on what Alina has heard about him. He seems sad when Alina mentions she has heard that Darklings are born without souls, though not surprised. He then spins the story about the Black Heretic being his ancestor and how the Fold was a mistake and how every Darkling since then has tried to undo it and how Alina is "the first glimmer of hope" he's had in a long time.

Because Alina is still on that "Grisha are unnatural monsters" agenda, she asks him about the Cut and he explains it but she's still distrubed. He asks her if it would have been better if he used a sword and she replies: "I don't know". The Darkling gets offended and leaves. Alina tries to convince herself she can't have possibly hurt his feelings (because Darklings don't have souls or feelings?) and then feels paranoid that she's failed some secret test. Yeah, the test you failed is called "empathy", Alina 🙄

Two days later, they arrive at Os Alta. Aleksander roasts the Grand Palace as the ugliest effing building he's ever seen. He leaves immediately after dumping Alina at the Little Palace and Alina actually seethes that he isn't paying more attention to her? I understand that it's overwhelming to go to a brand new place, but Alina expecting him to constantly hold her hand and explain everything to her after she basically insulted him is a bit strange.

The next time Alina sees the Darkling, they are scheduled to appear before the King and Queen. The demonstration is a surprise for Alina and Aleksander's lack of transparency of what's expected of her means she's forced to rely on him and trust his instincts. This might be his underhanded way of getting Alina to see that she can trust him; that he will not make her look like a failure or humiliate her; that they are in this together and it will only work if she trusts him.

After the demonstration, Genya and the Darkling trash the monarchy for a bit (Alina is horrified) and then the Darkling orders Genya to get a black kefta for Alina, to which Alina infamously wants a blue one. The Darkling doesn't really put up much of a fight, merely wanting to know why. Alina decides he doesn't approve of her choosing blue and wonders to Genya if he's angry.

After Alina's first day, the Darkling calls her to his quarters to ask her how her day was. Alina is surprised that this is all he wanted to know because she was paranoid he was going to torture her??? She says: "Why shouldn't I be afraid of you?...You can cut people in half. I think it's fair to be a little intimidated." If the Darkling is offended or angry about this, he doesn't show it and merely indulges her. He notes that she has a habit of running her hand across a scar on her palm and asks her about it, tracing the scar himself. Alina gets distracted by his touch but manages to answer his questions: she got the scar at Keramzin, Mal is also an orphan, he is good at tracking. He shows her a secret passage back to her rooms to avoid the main hall.

Alina starts her training and at one point laments that the Darkling is rarely at the Little Palace and when he is, he never speaks to her or barely looks her way and she is convinced it's because she's a failure and can't summon light on her own. It could also be because, you know, he's the commander of the Second Army and is usually seen in talks with other military advisors and the fact that Alina kinda lowkey insulted him with her wariness about his powers???

The next time they are together, Alina interrupts him and Baghra arguing. He politely asks her how she is. Baghra antagonizes her. The Darkling defends her. They talk about amplifiers and because Baghra is being a snarky little shit about it, they take their conversation outside.

Aleksander complains about how annoying his mom is and then asks Alina what stories she's heard about Morozova's herd. At one point he laughs for the first time and Alina practically creams her pants at the sound. Alina expresses her concerns that she can't summon any light and the Darkling says he's not worried and it will happen when it happens and worse case scenario, it will happen once she has the stag. They have a quiet intimate moment, gazing softly into each other's eyes and then suddenly Aleksander realizes he's catching feelings and steps back suddenly like "GoodLuckWithYourLessonsOKayBYE". Baghra watches this interaction from her hut and gives Alina a slut-shaming look.

Alina eventually does learn to summon light on her own. Baghra gives her grief about how it's not enough. The Darkling shows up during one of these lessons and says as much. Alina says she's useless. The Darkling corrects her (“I don't think you're useless, Alina....No Grisha is powerful enough to face the Fold. Not even me”) and then he apologizes for letting her down ("I've asked you to trust me and I haven't delivered"). He wonders if his mother is right and he's crazy to hunt the stag. They have a nice bonding moment, Aleksander lies about Baghra's power, and then he asks if Alina would think him crazy for still wanting to find the stag. She asks why he cares what she thinks, he seems genuinely surprised himself that he cares. Then he kisses her. He seems not to have meant to kiss her because then Ivan shows up for his 5 o'clock shift of cockblocking and the Darkling immediately pretends like nothing happened and walks away with him. Like dude is acting like a fucking dork who's allergic to feelings at this point. I should note here that Alina practically has an orgasm from how giddy she is about this moment. She can barely think of anything else.

The next time they're together, it's at the Winter Fete. They do their demonstration and Alina accidentally reveals her insecurities about how he had kissed her and then disappeared. He responds, "Did you really think I was done with you?" and then they enjoy some steamy kisses and thigh grabbing in an empty room before a random round of Grisha show up for their 6 o'clock shift of cockblocking. Aleksander is annoyed at his own attraction to Alina. He asks if he can come to her that night but Alina doesn't get a chance to respond.

and then the Darklina romance arc falls off a giant cliff and dies a terrible death 😭😭😭

[flowercrown-bard]

Promp idea: Jaskier finds a new born Griffin and Griffin thinks Jaskier is the mom. It starts to follow him. Like how hard it can be being a mother of a cute but deadly baby.

hello my dear <3 Ahh I am so so sorry it took me forever to get to this prompt! But better late than never, right? *laughs nervously*

word count: 1877

warnings: none

pairing: Geraskier, pre-relationship

AO3

---

Geralt spent more time than necessary brushing down Roach. If anyone had asked for the reason, he would have told a lie, or more likely just grunted noncommittally. Anything but tell the truth, which was that facing Roach allowed him to smile like an idiot without Jaskier seeing it. If the bard were to see that his ramblings made Geralt drop his mask of gruffness, Geralt would never hear the end of it.

“- really is heart-warming how much you care about Roach,” Jaskier said from where he said on the forest floor, something he would never have done when they had first met – or at least, he wouldn’t have done so without complaining about getting dirt on his breeches. “There’s nothing more charming than a man who takes care of animals, wouldn’t you agree?”

Geralt’s hand accidentally brushed against the braids Jaskier had plaited into Roach’s mane, while Geralt had been away on a hunt this morning. He faltered, but then he gripped the brush tighter, doing his best to pretend he hadn’t reacted to Jaskier’s words at all, when really, he couldn’t help but think that Jaskier was right.

Each winter, when Eskel brought Lil’ Bleater inside the keep to make sure she wouldn’t be cold, Geralt would feel a new wave of affection for his brother. When he saw a pompous lord drop all decorum and posture to bend down to pet a cat, Geralt would feel an unreasonable sort of respect for the otherwise stuffy and unlikable noble.

And when Jaskier snuck Roach treats when he thought Geralt wasn’t looking, he – well. He was glad that his travel companion was someone who got along with Roach. Her liking him was the main reason why Geralt had let Jaskier travel with them. He couldn’t break Roach’s heart by making her leave one of the few friends she made on the Path. Empathy for Roach - that was all he felt as he thought of her and Jaskier together. Definitely.

“Say, Geralt, how would you feel about getting another pet? Hypothetically speaking.”

Geralt huffed, his lips twitching up.

“I have already enough work feeding and cleaning up after you, songbird.”

“Excuse me?” Geralt didn’t need to see Jaskier’s face to know his mouth was opened with indignation. “Well – I have enough work washing and brushing your hair. Between the two of us, you’re the one who gets muck everywhere, wolf.” There was a brief pause. “But…that means you wouldn’t want another pet?”

Geralt’s shoulders sagged as he sighed and finally gave up on his pretence of brushing Roach. He turned, carelessly tossing the brush to the bags sitting on the ground next to Jaskier.

“Careful!” Jaskier squealed.

Geralt rolled his eyes. “Calm down. I didn’t hit you, did I?”

“Well, no, but –“ A strange noise coming from bags made Jaskier stiffen, his eyes widening, before his smile turned painfully artificial. “As I was saying, it is very rude of you to just throw-“

“Quiet,” Geralt hissed, his eyes not leaving the bags.

Jaskier shifted his weight on the ground and it was obvious he was avoiding looking at the bags. “Now really, I know you just love complaining about my voice, but –“

“Jaskier.”

Geralt’s tone made Jaskier’s mouth snap shut.

For a moment, there was utter silence. Then the strange noise returned and the bags began to move.

With slow and silent steps, Geralt crept closer, praying that Jaskier wouldn’t panic and make any sudden movements that would startle whatever was lurking in their bags and make it attack the helpless bard.

With one hand, Geralt unsheathed his silver sword. The other hand he held up in a signal for Jaskier to remain calm.

Jaskier, of course took that as a sign to do the exact opposite. The spiking of his pulse and the sudden scent of nervousness hitting Geralt’s nose were the only warning Geralt got, before Jaskier jumped up. But the bard didn’t run away from the danger into the thicket or to hide behind Geralt. No. He stood in front of the bags, holding up his own hands defensively.

“Geralt, listen. I –“

“Get away from the bags,” Geralt growled, a sudden spike of fear piercing his chest at having Jaskier so close to that unknown thing.

Jaskier only shook his head, a look of determination crossing his face.

“No. This is what I wanted to talk to you about. I…uh… might have acquired a pet? While you were off fighting…that ugly thing with the deadly teeth that I wasn’t allowed to get close to.”

Geralt halted, blinking.

“A pet?” he replied incredulously, lowering his sword.

Jaskier swallowed thickly, his eyes darting to the side, revealing that he was about to lie, even before he opened his mouth.

“Yeah. It’s a cat.”

“A cat.” Geralt repeated deadpan.

Whatever Jaskier saw on his face, he must take it as Geralt believing him, for his own expression flooded with relief. “Yes! A cat.”

“And you kept it hidden from me because…?”

“Because cats don’t like witchers! Or witchers don’t like cats. I’m still not sure about that. But anyway, I thought that maybe, if I got Daisy used to your smell first and talked to you–“

Daisy chose that moment to tumble out of the pile of bags, knocking her small head against Jaskier’s shins in the process.

Geralt and Jaskier both stared dumbly down at her. For once, Geralt was the one who found his voice first.

“A cat, huh?”

“Yes?” A furious blush rose in Jaskier’s cheeks. “In my defence, when I found her I did actually think she was a cat.”

Geralt rubbed a hand over his face, while the griffin-baby that could in no way be mistaken for a cat, began climbing Jaskier’s leg until Jaskier took mercy on her and lifted her up in his arms. He groaned with the effort. The griffin was nearly big enough to obscure the sight of Jaskier’s face. Jaskier’s nose scrunched up adorably – no, there was nothing adorable about an idiot who was snuggling a griffin-baby! – when the griffin’s fur tickled his nose.

“What the fuck made you think that was a cat? Was it the beak?” Geralt lifted a brow, shooting a pointed look at the wiggling beast. “Or maybe the wings?”

Jaskier gave him a decidedly unimpressed look. “It was dark in that cave you left me in! Not all of us have witcher-eyes. And she was alone and happy to keep me company while you were gone on your hunt.”

“Yes,” Geralt said slowly, so that Jaskier couldn’t possibly miss the ‘I-think-you’re-an-idiot’-tone of his voice. “I go on hunts. Where I kill monsters like her.”

Jaskier squawked in outrage, pressing the griffin protectively against his chest. The griffin made a noise not dissimilar to the one Jaskier had just made, but after the shock of being nearly squashed receded, the griffin snuggled contently against Jaskier, chewing happily on the fabric of his doublet.

“She is not a monster! Daisy is a baby and an adorable little darling that would never do anything wrong ever!”

The sound of fabric tearing and a triumphant griffin-shriek disproved Jaskier’s words instantly.

Geralt groaned. He did that far more often since he had started travelling with Jaskier. Life had been so much easier when it had been just him and Roach. No bard who had made it his life’s mission to get in as much easily avoidable trouble as possible.

Life had also been much more boring and lonely without Jaskier. Still.

“She won’t stay a baby forever. Give it two months and she will do more than just tear holes into your clothes.”

Jaskier’s face lit up. “So I can keep her for another two months?”

“I – that’s not – “

“Besides, did you just imply that Daisy tearing holes into my clothes isn’t a bad thing?”

Geralt didn’t dignify that with a response, which Jaskier apparently took as a victory on his side, for he came closer to Geralt, holding Daisy out to him.

“Look at her, Geralt. Look into these eyes and tell me, she isn’t the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen.”

Geralt didn’t need to look at her to know that that was objectively untrue. It couldn’t be true, not while Jaskier was standing right in front of him. Still, he indulged Jaskier and reluctantly stared into the little monster’s eyes, glaring at her in the most intimidating way he could. His own eyes reflected back to him from the dark griffin eyes.

An excited noise that almost sounded like purring left the griffin and with her beak, she snapped at Geralt’s hair that had fallen into his face when he had bent down to look at her.

“She likes you!” Jaskier cooed, while Geralt quickly straightened his back and put some distance between his hair and the beak and claws of the griffin. Still, she tried to snatch the strands, not unlike a cat would. Alright, so maybe Jaskier had had a point with that comparison.

That didn’t change the fact that the bard was holding a damn griffin in his arms.

“She’s already practicing hunting,” Geralt said.

Jaskier rolled his eyes. “She’s only playing. Tiny adorable griffins are allowed to play, aren’t they?”

“She won’t stay tiny! Don’t you listen to anything I told you about monsters?”

“Of course I do.” Jaskier lifted his chin in a challenge. “Which is why I know for a fact that we have to keep Daisy.” The narrowing of Jaskier’s eyes stood in stark contrast to the gentleness with which he stroked the griffin’s feathers and fur. “Griffins are reliant on their parents’ care until they learn how to fly. And!” Jaskier added, before Geralt could so much as open his mouth to protest, “You can’t leave me to take care of her on my own, because I also know that griffins mate for life and a griffin baby needs both parents to survive.”

A triumphant grin spread across Jaskier’s lips.

Geralt’s brows drew together. “I am not letting you rope me into becoming that griffin’s parent.”

Jaskier huffed. “Oh please, don’t be silly. Of course you’re not her second parent.”

Small mercies. Geralt was already about to release a sigh of relief, when Jaskier added, “That position’s already filled. Her other parent is Roach.”

And Roach, the traitor, took that as her cue to trod over to them and nose at the little creature in Jaskier’s arms that returned the mare’s greeting.

Geralt stared incredulously at the bard and Jaskier…Jaskier’s eyes softened as he watched that display. His fingers buried into the soft fur of the griffin and he pressed his cheek against the griffin’s head, nuzzling into her. He looked…happy.

Something twisted inside Geralt’s chest. He looked at Roach – a last hope of getting the moral support he needed to keep him from making a very very stupid decision.

But Roach payed him no attention. She huffed some warm breath into the griffin’s face, before nibbling on Jaskier’s already ruined doublet affectionately.

Just like that, Geralt’s fate was sealed. After all, Roach seemed to like Daisy and he couldn’t break her heart.

And…well, Jaskier had been right. There were few things more attractive than a man who liked animals.

[oneshot-wxnderland]

Prince’s Kiss | Jason Grace

Summary: While on a mission, Y/n gets hurt and there’s only one way for Jason to save her.

Category: fluff

_____________________

          You and Jason had found yourselves in many situations like this before: back to back, weapons drawn, and fighting off a hoard of monsters. The rhythm and coordination you two had crafted over the course of hundreds of hours in battle and in training together proved to be a formidable force against opponents. You covered each other’s blind spots and moved as one. Which was necessary in the cramped alleyway.

          Soon enough your attackers had diminished in number until just a few were left and one big ugly came charging at you. You swung at it but your sword got stuck half-way through its wood club and wouldn’t come when you pulled.

          “Jay-.” Ducking under the monster’s swing, you continued to try and pry your sword free.

          “On it.” Jason replied and finished off his opponent with a quick and calculated strike before he spun around to help. You ducked beneath his arm as it arched over you and cut into the monster, turning it to dust before he reached around you and wrapped his hands around your own on the hilt of your sword. It came free with a strong pull from your combined strength and you both let out a heavy breath now that it was over.

          “Thanks,” you huffed, out of breath.

          “Don’t mention it,” he nodded, equally fatigued.

          “You know,” you kicked the wood club out of your way as you started to leave. “You’d think that with how often this happens, we’d be less winded.”

          “I’m fine, I think it’s just you,” he nudged your shoulder with his and you laughed.

          “Oh really? Bet I could beat you back to the motel.” 

          “You sure you wanna do this?” 

          “I think you’re scared, Jay-.” 

          A sharp sting to your side cut off your words. You looked down to see a scorpion-looking monster crouching behind the dumpster next to you and it reared its tail for another attack. Your limbs were sluggish as you tried pathetically to raise your sword and fight.

          “You’re on, Y/n.” Jason looked back at you, a challenging smile on his face that fell immediately when he saw the blood coming from your side and the monster about to swing. “Y/n!”

          His sword found its mark and the monster was finished before it could strike again and he spun to face you, worry creasing his brow.

          “Are you alright?” He reached out his hand towards your wound and caught you in his arms as you collapsed. “Hold on, Y/n.”

          The motel room you had rented for your mission wasn’t far and Jason made record time carrying you back to it. He laid you on one of the beds and gently lifted your shirt up over your stomach so that he could see the wound. It didn’t look too deep once he cleaned it up but you still hadn’t woken up. That’s when he knew something was wrong. You were one of the toughest people Jason knew and he had seen you walk off wounds far worse than this. 

          Deciding he needed some professional help, Jason scrambled to get a golden drachma from his backpack and ran to the bathroom to turn on the shower.

          When the misty picture of Will Solace lit up the tiles, Jason called out to him frantically.

          “Jason!” Will jumped and spun around to see the Iris message. He took in the usually composed leader’s worry and then past the open bathroom door to where he could see Y/n unmoving on the bed and immediately snapped into business mode. “What’s wrong.”

          “I don’t know she got hit and passed out but the wound isn’t that bad and she can’t eat any ambrosia like this. What do I do?”

          “You said the wound isn’t bad?” Will asked and Jason held his hand up in an approximation of how big it is, not wanting to move you from the bed. “And she’s passed out? It must be something else then. Did you see what hit her?”

          “Yeah it was some kind of scorpion looking thing, I don’t know.” Jason ran his hand through his hair and walked back over to you, inspecting the wound and holding your hand that Will couldn’t see. 

          “Does she have a fever? It could be some kind of poison,” Will offered and Jason felt your forehead. 

          “She’s burning up.”

          “I don’t get it,” Will tore through his books looking for an answer. “There isn’t a kind of monster like that who’s sting produces these kinds of symptoms.”

          Jason walked back over to the bathroom and looked at Will’s surroundings.

          “Is Annabeth there? She would probably know.” 

          “She’s in New York City with Percy.” Jason’s budding hope shrank again and he looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your skin looked drained of color but at least the wound had stopped bleeding. “I’ll keep looking. Did the wound look discolored at all-?”

         Jason jumped from a cry of pain and rushed back to your side where you were thrashing around in your sleep. He grabbed your wrists and tried to hold you down so you wouldn’t hurt yourself, your eyes screwed shut and agonized noises like a  twisting knife in his gut. “Will!”

          “I’m looking! Try to keep her still!”

          Even unconscious, you were putting up a hell of a fight for Jason who was struggling to hold you down, especially since he was trying not to hurt you. 

          “Jason, you gotta hold her down.” 

          He jumped up and straddled your hips to keep your legs down and leaned the rest of his weight into keeping your wrists to the pillow. 

          “Wait, you guys were looking for monsters who stole stuff from Aphrodite, right?”

          “Yeah?” The entire point of the mission had left Jason’s mind since he saw you collapse and he was too anxious to follow Will’s thinking.

          “Then what if it was one of Aphrodite’s potions that the stinger was dipped in?” Will grabbed a new book and wildly searched through it. “This one must be it! Fainting, fever, convulsions… yeah it’s this one.”

          “What do I do?” The fight was being drained from you but Jason was hesitant to do more than ease on his grip a little in case you started up again.

          “It says that the only cure is a… wow, that is so like Aphrodite.”

          “Will.”

          “Okay it says that the only cure is a kiss from royalty, like a prince or something.”

          Jason’s hope was crushed once again seeing as how even if they weren’t in America, a prince would be exceptionally hard to acquire. 

          “Well I don’t think I’ll be able to find a prince in the middle of Wisconsin. Is there another option?” There had to be another way. No way in hell was Jason going to lose you. Especially not before you knew how he felt.

          You had completely stopped fighting against him and Jason wished you would keep doing so even if he was tired. He much preferred it to you lying there limp and lifeless. 

          “Wait, wait, wait. Zeus is the king of the gods,” Will started and expected Jason to catch on to his idea. “And you’re his son.”

          “Well, technically I’m the son of Jupiter, but what does that have to do with anything?” Jason removed himself from on top of you and walked over to Will.

         “I mean that technically makes you a prince, Jason.” 

          Jason frowned in concentration, weighing the legitimacy of that claim. Then he struggled to fight off a blush when he realized what Will was insinuating he has to do now.

          “Are you sure that counts? Like there’s not another way?” Jason looked back at you, now dealing with new emotions adding to his turmoil. 

          “Jason, you have to try it. And like now, she doesn’t have long. It says here that once the convulsions stop they don’t have much time left.” Will’s face was getting blurry as the Iris message was running out. 

          “What if it doesn’t work, what do I do?” Jason pleaded to the fading form of his friend. “Will, Will!” 

          The Iris message cut off and Jason hit the wall in frustration before he returned to your side.

          “This better work.” He didn’t know what he would do if it didn’t. As Jason knelt down and brushed some hair out of your face he couldn’t imagine having to live without you by his side. Even if you didn’t return his feelings, your friendship was too important to him. The thought of losing you made him forget any nerves he had and he leaned down and gingerly pressed his lips to yours. 

          The change was immediate as you breathed in life. Your eyes opened and the first thing they saw was Jason’s. 

          “Jay?” He broke out into the biggest smile you had ever seen on him and he pulled you into a hug. “What happened?”

          “You got kinda poisoned and almost died.” At this point you registered the dull pain emitting from your side and leaned back to look at your injury. “But you didn’t because I saved you. You’re welcome.”

          “Oh, so you’re my Prince Charming?” You asked him and he shrugged.

          “I mean, technically.” His voice sounded less confident than it had and you looked at him quizzically, which made him avoid your gaze by walking over to his backpack. “How do you feel?”

          “Fine…” you answered, still thinking about his sudden mood shift. “Except for whatever happened here.”

          “Giant scorpion thing,” he answered and walked back over, handing you a square of ambrosia. 

          “Cool.” The ambrosia soothed your side and you leaned against the headboard in relief.

          “Hardly,” Jason scoffed, sitting next to you but looking down at his lap. “You collapsed and went pale and I thought I was going to lose you.”

          He got quiet and you saw the stress and worry in his slumped shoulders.

          “The thought of you just… being gone. Before I could say goodbye or, or tell you how I feel. You were so pale…” His jaw clenched and he turned his face away from you.

          “Jason,” you placed your hand on his shoulder and made him look at you. His blue eyes teared up and you felt a physical tug on your heart. Your hands cradled his face and gently wiped away the tear that fell to his cheek. “I’m okay. I’m not going anywhere.”

          His head hung and landed on your shoulder, your hand combed through his hair.

          “And Jason?” You asked as you remembered a sensation from when you woke up.

          “Mm-hm?” He responded from your shoulder, his voice steadier now.

          “Did you… kiss me?” 

          At that he burst upright and a blush was raging on his face. 

          “Okay, I had to do it or you would die. I’m sorry. I didn’t want to- I mean I did want to kiss you. For a while now, actually, but not like this and especially when I couldn’t tell if you wanted me to or not. Will just said that there was no other way so-.”

          “Shut up.” His eyes snapped to you failing to suppress your grin. “Don’t apologize. Just… do it again.”

          His lips parted in shock and then one side lifted up as he leaned into you. Your hands held his face as his mouth pressed into yours and your bodies sighed into each other. So many years of longing and second-guessing and finally getting an answer, you couldn’t believe this was really happening.

          Jason tilted his head further and deepened the kiss, his hand moving to your leg that was propped up on the bed, sliding from your knee down to your hip and squeezing.

          “Holy shit,” you mumbled against his lips before you could stop yourself and you felt his smirk.

          “Just wait.”

          His lips moved down to your neck and you could breathe again but your head didn’t get any clearer, until you looked into the bathroom.

          “Jason?” 

          “Hm?” His voice tickled the sensitive skin of your throat .

          “Why is the shower on?”

[nocek]

Don't spare us the long rant! We want to hear your thoughts!

Oh you are going to regret this ;P

So here goes my loooooooong angry rant about Taskmaster and also the Black Widow movie in general.

Let's start with my point of comparison. Captain America the Winter Soldier was a good movie. It's still in my top 3 Marvel movies as I'm sure is for many people. And statistically speaking everybody likes Bucky. He is like the most beloved side character right after Loki. I guess.

Anyway. My point is that Taskmaster and Winter Soldier have bit for bit the exact same building blocks: hypercompetent antagonist that is a serious threat to our hero who just can't win with in one on one combat. But then plot twist: our antagonist was just a victim and puppet without free will in hands of actual villain who is bland bureaucrat.

So why did Winter Soldier worked really really well and Taskmaster was just ehh.. ok?

Well the short answer is that catws was a much tighter movie that had clearer goal (and also that goal/theme was singular: good things get corrupted with time and sometimes you get to start over) compared to black widow which had to jump through too many hoops and still somehow managed it but it wasn't as graceful as it would be if they (as in executives) resigned from one or two hoops and flips and explosions.

And I'm omitting a BIG disadvantage of making a prequel movie about a character that they killed off in shitty way. Though that created one of extra hoops for them to jump through: quickly build up Yelena as a character.

And character build they did. Because srsly Yelena is awesome and I love her. BUT. That came at a price.

Lets compare to catws. The new character there is Sam (and kiiiiiiiinda also Natasha a bit but that's a topic for a different rant) who is nowhere near as well build as Yelena. At the beginning. Because he had time to be fleshed out and naturally grow in few different movies and then we got a deep dive in the Falcon and the Winter Soldier.

But Marvel can't give Yelena few movies because she will appear in Hawkguy an Hawkeye series and also Marvel is generally dividing their assets into: outer spaaaace, down to earth heros and magic stuff (aliens, androids and wizards ;P). But also they can only create so many things in a year.

So yeah. Yelena offtopic can be summarized that I love that we have her as we have her but it came at a cost of air time of the movie.

So comparing the movies again:

Catws had the theme of good things being corrupted with time. And the theme was underlined 3 times through Peggy, Bucky and then Shield/Hydra. Which are interconnected and also make nice scale from inner conflict of the main character to the outer conflict of the movie.

In Black Widow there is the topic of the past evil that never went away and is still taking away free will from people. And again we have it shown through 3 outlets: Yelena, Taskmaster and Black Widows. But there is also whole family subplot attached to Yelena and there is Red Room attached to Black Widows. So as you can see things are getting crowded. Which in turn make the theme a bit blurry.

I mean, sure, the Red Room should be the Shield equivalent. Even it could take smaller space because good Shield turns out to be evil Hydra is generally more time consuming to explain than Red Room bad. But still combining Red Room and Black Widows make things a bit crowded.

(There is a reason why the surprise subplot of there is more Winter Soldiers was in separate movie and was kinda handwaved and cut to minimum. But they couldn't do that here).

But it's time to stop my ranting about whole Black Widow movie and focus on comparing Taskmaster and Winter Soldier.

Because to be honest both are bare bones of character and more of an carte blanche in the movie. Both have barely any screen time yet there are colossal difference which stems out of:

first introduction: as I mentioned they are hypercompetent and unstoppable threat that you can't win with, you can only hope to run away (both done equally well)

programmable killing machine:

For Taskmaster we just get a scene with her watching other heroes fighting at the screen. For the sake of building up the mystery of character we think that "he" is just watching. Maybe learning or more likely just being creepy. The information about the chip and literal programming is given to us much later in the movie which makes this scene lose the power. idk how it will work on rewatch? Maybe better? Hopefully. right now there is too many new movies in cinemas to go for a rewatch and disney+ still isn't available here -.-

For Bucky we have literal torture scene. You just can't be more blunt than that. It also hammered the next point in.

there is human behind the mask:

Winter Soldier is introduced with full face mask which he gradually loses and then we have the big reveal of not only: that's a human but also that's a human our main hero cares about deeply.

With Taskmaster they fucked up it for chap plot twist. We are learning quite late that oh snap that's Antonia (that we don't really care about) and our main hero kinda feels guilty about her.

I think the big difference is what kind of character Steve and Nat are and also the way they reveal this secret. Steve actively recognizes Bucky by himself and is very openly shocked. Nat is passively told and shown that hey, this is Antonia. And there is no time in the movie for Nat (and for us) to be shocked because that's the 3rd act and we need time for explosions and stuff.

Besides, the problem is that all the big plot twist reveals are boring on rewatch (stil big props for Pacific Rim and giving us the monster reveal in like second minute of the movie, I will never not appreciate that).

Also on related shitty note. We the audience. Bucky is handsome and vulnerable and we can drool all over him (and oh man, we the fandom did a fair share of drooling). Antonia is disfigured and not sexualized in any way. Which I'm actually grateful for but there is no pretending that doesn't make a hell lot of difference. But that's a whole different, ugly and big topic I'm not remotely qualified to write about. I'm just angry ranting here.

they don't have free will:

For Winter Soldier we have amnesia + torture tropes which to be honest have been done over and over again and it shouldn't have worked as well as it worked. Bit it did. In context of Black Widow movie it worked because it was just one guy that actively broke through brainwashing with active help of the hero.

In Black Widow there is a lot of characters that are pasively "woken up" out of mind control over and over again by active protagonist. Unfortunately the repetition kinda cheapens it. Especially in comparison to main gut punch right in the feels scene in the other movie. Which is why it's not fair to compare the two.

So lets talk about lack of free will aspect itself. To be honest the mind control aspect in Black Widow was done really great from story perspective. Evil scientists perfected it to the point it being (bit handwavey but) completely impersonal but also completely dehumanizing to the subject. So I'm buying that it can be completely switched off in equally efficient and impersonal way. Even the way they explained it with Alexei the pig was great and terrifying... to a point. Because then kicked the main problem with this movie. Clearly some execs came and saw it and went whoa... that's too dark for pg13 blockbuster. Let's put some cheap jokes here. And it happens over and over again in this movie :S

humanizing flashback scene that ties them to main hero:

For Bucky, sure we had Captain America First Avenger but a movie needs to stand on it's own legs. That's why we have the flashback scene which shows us that Bucky cared about Steve. Leaving it at the narration in Smithsonian of "best friends since childhood" would be just telling us. And we needed to be shown and we needed a space for the "till the end of line" so it could come back and stab us right in the feels.

Also because we are ignoring previous movie Russos cleverly made us care about Winter Soldier because Steve cares about Winter Soldier. And we already know and like Steve so building up our main character gives us more mileage out of new bare bones character (because let's be honest, Winter Soldier is just that). Two birds one stone thing.

In Black Widow there is no such thing which IMHO is the main reason Taskmaster doesn't work. We just get information about cardboard cutout: insert cute little girl here (only told, not even shown actual cardboard) and all of the emotional connection to Natasha is: I know that my boss that I hate has a daughter, she got in the crossfire. Which means nobody cares.

All it would take is adding a short flashback scene. idk Dreykov is an asshole and doesn't care about Antonia but she is she cutest and most adorable little girl. She treats the Black Widows as older sisters. Hell if you want to make it more horrorish copy of the idea of Thor wanting to be a Valkyrie when he grows up or T'challa wanting to be a Dora Milaje. Little Antonia wants to be Black Widow when she grows up because they are badass and they are nice to her (and are also slightly confused by her) because she is nice to them and is only person that treats them as humans. Hell we could have short interaction between her and Nat. Just a smile between them would be enough.

You could get a lot of character buildup mileage out of such a short scene.

But it couldn't happen partially because the movie didn't have time for that but we didn't get that mostly because it would show us instead of telling that Nat killed a cute little innocent girl for her own personal gain. (well she thought she was destroying Red Room but mostly wanted to get away - vide she didn't check on Yelena or other widows. But I wouldn't hold that against her. It was put your oxygen mask first kind of situation. But still it would make her look bad)

Besides, that would take guts to actually show.

And technically they could have afforded to have that guts. That was last movie with Nat anyway. It would actually make this plotline about her feeling guilty about Dreykov's daughter and red in her ledger work. But well... It was last movie so they wanted to leave us with the most goodest and bleeding hartest and heartwarming mary sue version of Nat with just telling us without showing hey, she got dark past.

On the other hand if we had the rumored Endgame plotline of Nat running an orphanage. Damn that would tie to this plotline so well. We could tie the loose widows also. Dam we were robbed here I tell ya >.<

Ok I'm overdoing offtopic about Nat. Sorry

design

So yeah. Design wise Winter Soldier is like great. For Taskmaster, she sure looks cool but also kinda generic? If in 10 years you'd show me her and say it's antagonist from GI Joe or something I'll believe you :S (not touching the debate that in comics something something because unfortunately I don't know Taskmaster from comics. Although I hear that few recent ones were quite good so I'll check them out sooner or later)

snapping out of mind control

I mentioned before. It would be unfair and there is no point comparing main emotional scene of the movie versus means to an end that were repeated several times through a movie.

Natasha freeing Antonia even if she thought that Antonia will kill her because that would fair was great. What I'm annoyed is a cheap fakeout that went with that. It was just after the bombastic finale with explosions and all the cgi shit. Even without looking at the movie runtime it was obvious there will be no extra fight scene.

In catws it worked because the cgi pew pew extravaganza was a background noise and was part of a continuous fight. In BW helicarriers fell already, there was a second of dust settling and then Nat throws away the shield (uses that capsule). Tension just fell from highest place in a movie (quite literally lol), trying to rise it again for such a short moment just doesn't work.

But that's the general problem with Marvel movies. Bombastic CGI fest as grand finale that probably is "outsourced" and then actual director comes back and needs to end movie super quickly.

disappearing act at the end

So in catws there is mystery of what will Bucky do. We are given some hope since he dragged Steve out of river and visited the museum but thats all. I mean there is this annoying Marvel thing of skipping over the interesting ending of last movie and starting with next plot point. We were hoping for the grand roadtrip/hunt for Bucky but nope. We must run ahead with all the plotlines (same way I'm sure that the Spiderman is Peter Parker and he killed a guy thing will be already dealt with in the beginning of the next movie -.-) But that's bonus mini rant.

In BW they needed to wrap up to many plot lines too quickly so Antonia wakes up and that's all. We don't get a suggestion what she may do. The problem of the chip she still has installed is omitted. There is nothing. She just fucks off to lalaland with other Black Widows the end. Because we needed ending for Nat's actual family which was ok but also kinda rushed.

As I mentioned waaaay before (god, this rant is pretty long) too many hoops to jump through.

Which really sucks because if they added that one flashback scene just for Antonia and spared few more minutes for the overall ending it would work so much more better.

And I even know where they could have saved few minutes (besides the explosions thingies). The supply guy. One extra character in a movie with too many characters. In catws the supply problem (with wings) was solved with nbd shrug. If you wanted to show that Nat has her own web of contacts it should be more than one guy. IDK in Budapest there could be 10 second scene with neighbor saying hi nice to see you again we reinforced the walls after last time. In Norway we could see her visiting some special secret supply stash run by some rando before getting to the mobile home.

But oh she was on the run so that would be too many people. Then cut the people entirely. The shitty helicopter can be worked around with joke that I'm not on speaking terms with Stark rn and that's the best we can have on short notice.

Eh.. side rant again. Sorry.

So to wrap it up. I actually really would love to see what will happen with the loose Black Widows and Antonia because here they were really underdeveloped. And while widows were more of a group hero and we have Yelena as a representative so in a way it balances out but Taskmaster needed so little extra care to make her character so much better and I'm a tiiiiiiny bit salty about it.

[amesstm]

You Should’ve Come to Shiratorizawa

Pairing: Oikawa x Reader

Word Count: idk because I’m too lazy to check Word. So maybe 2K?

Summary: after losing his chance at going to nationals in his second-year, Oikawa sees a different reason why he should’ve gone to Shiratorizawa.

Warnings: nothing but fluff

A/N: inspired by ushijima’s favorite phrase lol

⊱ ━━━━━━━━.⋅ εïз ⋅.━━━━━━━━⊰

This was Oikawa’s moment. It was his second-year and he must make it to nationals. No - he would make it to nationals. He absolutely had to, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to live with himself. All the days, hours, minutes, and pure seconds he dedicated to this match would mean something. Iwaizumi had to stop the determined setter from training himself to the point of breaking. Yet, it would all be worth it in this match.

Oikawa remembers the monster Ushijima Wakatoshi, and how that monster looked down on him in his last year of junior high. The mere memory of inferiority made him grind his teeth and furrow his eyebrows with his arms crossed. Even when they had a practice match together, Shiratorizawa still won. And that same condescending expression still haunted him.

“You’re going to break your teeth.”

Oikawa turned around, knowing that it would be Iwaizumi anyways. He plastered his classic, fake smile onto his face. In a sing-song voice, he replied, “Iwa-chan! You do care!”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and smacked him on the back of the head. “Just don’t get yourself out of the game before it even starts.”

Not wanting to hear another lecture, Oikawa nodded and returned to glaring at the doors that had yet to open.

~

On the other side, the predicted-champions were stretching. Ushijima laid out on the floor, stretching out his lower back. Usually, Tendo would’ve joined him but he decided to try to progress his gymnastics career. Did you understand what position he was in with his head in between his legs that grew closer and closer to the floor? No. But did you know that was something Tendo would do? Yep.

“‘Tori, you need to win the match so I can win a bet,” you said, with an imaginary halo hovering over your head. You even tilted your head to meet his eyes as he peered at you from upside down.

Being Shiratorizawa’s manager meant that you had an insight into their training; so, you knew you’d be eating well tonight. The comment wasn’t filled with any tone of concern. After all, this was Shiratorizawa.

“Nani?” Your redheaded friend asked, raising his head to look at you. Tendo’s wide eyes stared at you and into you, serious as Ushijima. Then he burst into his warm persona with a chocolate-sweet smile, “You put a bet on us to win? That’s so sweet!”

“Of course, I did! You guys always win,” you replied like it was a fact. As of this moment, Shiratorizawa hasn’t lost a match this season. You were absolutely sure that they would beat Aoba Seijoh, too. They’ve done it before and it will happen again.

Finally, the doors opened.

The blue and white colors greeted you from across the court. Banners hoping to garner the attention of Oikawa Tooru, the pretty boy setter of their team, were waved around proudly and erratically. Girlish screams echoed through the gym as their team entered.

“They’re very loud,” Wakatoshi muttered under his breath. He glowered at the opposing cheer section, probably putting some people in the hospital from mere shock.

“That’s because they have a pretty boy to cheer for,” Tendo said, lightening the mood as Wakatoshi grew more and more annoyed at the noise.

Oikawa’s reputation for being ‘perfect’ was well-known, mostly amongst the girls. Clearly, the girls in the gym believed in that wholeheartedly. To you, it was annoying. After all, no one was perfect. It was even more annoying dealing with that personality in person. During the practice match, his ego took up half of the gym. Hopefully, he’d be humbled today.

“Didn’t you want Oikawa to come to Shiratorizawa?” You asked despite knowing the answer. Admittedly, you just loved seeing how riled up Wakatoshi got about the ordeal. It was one of the few times the statue showed emotion.

“He’s an amazing setter and would’ve performed to his highest level had he come to our team,” the ace explained without skipping a beat. His eagle eyes focused on the brunette from across the floor, poking holes in him. It seemed that the setter felt the intense stare, because he returned it before turning away with a reddened face immediately.

~

“They’re so loud already,” Iwaizumi complained as soon as they entered the gym. He tried his best to mask his distaste for the cheers, but the outrageous screams for Oikawa made it difficult. “Can you tell them to be quiet?”

“Of course not! They’re my fans and I love them,” Oikawa replied with his cutest smile as he waved to everyone. Squeals of excitement greeted him back, making him grin all the more from the attention to his ego.

“I think I see another fan,” Matsukawa teased, subtly pointing across the gym.

Oikawa’s eyes followed his finger and saw his worst nightmare. Shiratorizawa’s prized possession, Ushijima Wakatoshi, was staring holes into his very being. Oikawa shivered with fear, until his eyes narrowed in on the girl beside him.

Wow, she’s really pretty. Wait – I can’t hit on the enemy!

Turning red, he shifted away from the opposing team. Hanamaki quirked an eyebrow, “Finally realize your attraction towards Ushiwaka?”

Oikawa shivered with disgust, “I’m not attracted to him!”

“Oh?” Matsukawa cheekily smiled. He turned to Hanamaki, continuing, “I bet that he’s hitting on the manager.”

The setter’s ears perked up, “That’s their manager?”

“If you actually looked at your surroundings, you would’ve realized this sooner,” Iwaizumi stated with disappointment. He added, “She was at our practice match, too, Shittykawa.”

Choosing to ignore the obvious slander, Oikawa pouted and sighed, “Too bad she’s with the enemy.”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, “Only you could care about that type of thing.”

“Get your head in the game,” the captain barked at the second-years, clearly annoyed that they were just goofing off instead of warming up.

“We’ll win,” Oikawa said before stretching. “We need to.”

~

As expected, Shiratorizawa won with flying colors, led by the genius that was Ushijima Wakatoshi. The match point started with a serve from Oikawa and ended with a powerful spike from Ushijima.

Across from the gym, you saw the setter crumble to the ground. Even with the distance, you could hear Oikawa’s heartfelt apologizes that he couldn’t land an ace service. Some tears were wiped away hastily with shame. Not even the reassurances from his fans stopped the waterfall.

Surprisingly, the pretty boy was an ugly cryer. Seeing him in this imperfect state made you not want to look away. Was all that ego just a show to hide his insecurities?

“Don’t feel bad for him,” Ushijima said, drawing you out of your haze. If anyone who didn’t know him overheard what he said, he would’ve sounded like a cold hearted victor without any humility. But you knew him and his meaning. “He should’ve come to Shiratorizawa.”

You sighed but still smiled. “I knew you’d say that.” Then, upon further inspection with your nose, you cringed, “Come on, you need to shower.”

After Coach Tanji gave his victory speech, the boys were dismissed to the locker room. As usual, you were left outside of the restrooms to wait. Fangirls whimpered over Oikawa’s melancholy state and even dared to suggest that Shiratorizawa tipped off the referee.

“If you think we needed bribes to win, then you know nothing about volleyball,” you defended your team, glaring at them like an eagle ready to snatch their prey. After watching these boys practice and endure yelling from their coach for hours on end, no mere suggestion of cheating or bribery would be tolerated.

As the girls opened their mouths to snap back at you, a different voice flew through the air. One that was noticeably deeper than these whiny pigeons. “As much as I hate to admit it, Shiratorizawa won fair and square.”

Of course, that voice belonged to Oikawa. You’ve heard his voice before. Most of the time, it would be higher pitched, flirtatious, and vibrant. Now, it was deeper, more serious, and grey.

“Thank you,” you muttered before being overrun by his fangirls who rushed to console him. You rolled your eyes. Reminding him of his loss wouldn’t make him feel better at all.

Yet, Oikawa perked up to the attention like a sunflower reaching for light. The usual tone of voice returned and his classic smile rose to his face. But when they were gone, the show drew to a close. The setter’s gaze turned to you. Something about it was sad and longing. He just couldn’t accept the fact, that along with this match’s victory, Ushijima had you, too.

“Oikawa,” a voice behind you rumbled. You turned to see a freshly showered Wakatoshi, who smelled infinitely better now. “You should’ve come to Shiratorizawa.”

The victim of this constant reminder grimaced and sighed from dejection. “Not this again.”

“You know that I’m right.”

“I could never go there with you, my enemy,” Oikawa spat and crossed his arms.

Should you be here? Probably not since it felt like a lovers’ quarrel but hey, free entertainment. You closed your eyes and leaned back on the bench, blocking out their voices. It was quite easy since you couldn’t rest well from the anxiety of the results for nationals these past few weeks.

Soon, you opened your eyes to find Ushijima gone and Oikawa staring at you. “Why did you go to Shiratorizawa?”

In reality, it was because you didn’t want to leave Tendo alone. Instead, you shrugged, “Good academics.”

“… so why are you with Ushijima?” Oikawa asked, ready to scrutinize your reason. A part of him wanted to know if you were actually single. Another part wondered how anyone could tolerate his presence.

Although you tried to hold yourself back, laughter poured from you. You tried to calm yourself down, but the idea of dating a literal statue with no social awareness - no matter how handsome - made you laugh once more.

Students from Shiratorizawa had a reputation of being stern - unless you were Tendo, of course. In fact, most Shiratorizawa students that Oikawa had the displeasure of meeting seemed that way. So, seeing someone loosely enjoying themselves brought you even closer to Oikawa’s type. Your laughter made him want to laugh, even if he didn’t know why you were laughing.

“I couldn’t date Ushijima,” you explained. “We don’t have the same sense of humor.”

Oikawa shifted to his side, slightly with relief. Subconsciously, he started preening himself. “I don’t think Ushijima can be funny.”

“No, no. He can be funny, but it’s mostly by accident,” you elaborated with a chuckle.

“I like your laugh,” Oikawa declared. You weren’t sure if it was a compliment, since it sounded more like he was telling himself of that fact.

You quirked an eyebrow, “You’re even weirder than I thought.”

“Hey, my team already bullies me enough!” Oikawa whined. Despite his little facade of being sad, he still couldn’t hold back his smile.

You giggled, “They bully you?”

“Over everything!” Oikawa stated with a show of his arms in defeat.

“I wouldn’t bully you,” you proclaimed with sincerity.

“You really are an angel,” Oikawa complimented with awe. “I wish you went to Aoba Josai.”

“Awh, really?” You asked with a tilt of your head. Oikawa nodded. Smirking, you chuckled, “Then, you should’ve come to Shiratorizawa.”

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