#Yes yes it was

[sophsun1]

[Tommy exists] 🥰

[taki-yaki]

Batstarion A!Astarion + S!Astarion Headcanons

Pairing: A!Astarion/S!Astarion x GN!Reader/Tav/Durge

This one took a while to write up, but I did learn some interesting facts about vampire bats and tried to apply them here.

**Spawn Astarion**

After the defeat of Cazador, Astarion soon discovered a book within the palace, which contained the skills of vampire spawns that his master never wanted him to know about.

One of these skills was to turn into a creature of the night, this quickly intrigued Astarion, causing him to try and master the spell. He even tries practising wild shape methods taught to him by Halsin.

This takes a while for him to master, night after night spent trying to improve his skills with no transformation in sight. One night, nearly at his wits end with trying to master it, you speak,

“Maybe it’s a phrase you have to shout, try yelling bat, maybe that would work?”

“Darling, I don’t think it’s going to be as simple as saying the word bat-”.

Suddenly,  who was once standing in place of Astarion, now lay a small white ball of fluff with wings.

You are greeted by happy chirps and squeaks, quickly turning into a chorus of angry squeaks. One drink of speak to animals potion unravels what he is saying.

“I can’t turn back, darling do something, I don’t want to be stuck looking like a rat!” he huffed.

“Try and relax, it might wear off?”

“How can I relax like this, I don’t even have arms!”

Softly touching the white curly on his head, with the lightest tip of your finger, the pale bat relaxes instantly within the palm of your hand, almost purring at your touch.

Suddenly, the weight shifted from your hands, causing you to drop the bat onto the ground, only for Astarion to shift back into his humanoid form.

Checking to see if he’s fine, you are greeted by light snoring coming from him, seemingly collapsed from exhaustion, the transformation takes on him. Over time, he learns how to master turning into a bat with ease, allowing him to require shorter rests after turning back.

Of course, with him being at such a small size, it makes travelling together simple from keeping him under a robe to shade him from the sun and his light weight. When shopping at local markets, he’ll take advantage of merchants fawning over how cute he is, giving you discounts on your produce, without being aware that he’s a blood-sucking vampire spawn under that white fluff.

“I do wish they gave us something more savoury and juicy for free” grumbling to himself.

“And miss out on all the other goods we get?”

“Hmmm…fair enough, but don’t be surprised if ask for extra tonight” responding with a smirk.

He would adore all the attention you give him in this form, from soft pets on his head to just relaxing with you at such a small size. At Wither’s reunion party, he would show it off to others about it any chance he gets, as his special party trick, beaming the whole way through. Although he would have to deal with the hangover afterwards from shifting constantly the next morning.

Additionally, if you can fly, whether that is by being a druid who can wild shape, to a draconic sorcerer who has gained their wings, you both have fun flying around together at night.

**Ascended Astarion**

For A!Astarion, transforming into a bat is as easy as a wizard casting a cantrip, simple and quick with no downsides.

A!Astarion wouldn’t be one to showcase his ability to shift into a bat at his grand masquerade parties, mainly for fear of being seen as a weak simple creature. Although he would use it to stealthily eves drop on others from the cover of the shadows.

After he’s fed you enough of his blood, if you are his spawn, he’ll teach you how to turn into a bat. In your bat form, he’ll fuss over you more, being more protective of you in this form, as if your body is a prized porcelain vase. Some of the servants just presume you're another bat he’s caring for out of the thousands in the palace.

Carrying you around in his shirt pocket to always gaze at you, whether he’s signing contracts to talking with nobles from other cities, he would be their watching over you, closer to his undead heart than ever before.

Eventually, after a while, he would teach you how to fully fly and would only allow you to fly out at night, only if he was there to keep watch over you. Whilst transformed into your bat forms, he would develop the habits of bats from trying to constantly groom your coat, by cleaning each other’s fur, despite your protests at times and sharing food with you by regurgitating blood as a gift to you.

Compared to the rare moments he is the one in bat form, he would only allow you to pet him, usually in private away from prying eyes, insisting that he has a reputation to uphold.

“Pet, I am all for you adoring me, but we mustn't tell others of this, I have an image to uphold after all”.

He would also experiment with applying some elements of his bat form to his humanoid form, such as shifting his arms to be bat wings, usually as an intimidation tactic, or to show off during his extravagant ball dance parties with you, by lifting you into the air with him.

When you carry him around in his bat form, he would try to nip you more often, unprompted over any small inconvenience. 

Not paying full attention to him? Bite,

Talking to someone other than him? Bite,

Just bored with nothing else to do? Bite.

But if you attempt the same thing to him when you're in bat form? He would laugh, calling you a “Cheeky little pup”.

However, if you keep trying to nip him, he will eventually gently order you to stop and ensure he’ll get his payback later in the day, still being petty about it.

[rollinouttahere-writes]

Literally no one asked for this, but I started thinking about the hilarious dichotomy of Sanji being with an entomologist and I decided to share my thoughts.

Sanji x Entomologist/Insect Lover Reader Headcanons

The first time you run up to him excitedly asking him to look at what you found, he eagerly turns around only to come face to face with a beetle and screams at the top of his lungs. That is the day you realize that Sanji is afraid of insects, and Sanji realizes you love them.

He cannot comprehend how you can hold so much affection for what he considers to be such vile creatures and can't help but cringe every time you pick one up, regardless of whether you're holding it up to him or not. He tries to be nice about it, he tries so hard, but you can see the pain in his eyes when you bring one too close to him.

If literally anyone else thrust a spider in his face, he would roundhouse kick them, but when you do it he will just jerk back dramatically while redirecting you by saying that Luffy or Usopp would probably like to see your find.

Your offer to deal with any insects that make their way into his kitchen leaves him conflicted. On one hand, it's great! He doesn't have to confront it now! On the other, he does feel a touch embarrassed over the idea of you having to "save him" from something like this. His trepidation goes out the window when he goes to make breakfast one morning onto to be greeted by a massive spider setting up a web in the corner of the kitchen. His relief from you catching it is cut short by you exclaiming that it's a very elusive species and proceeding to go on a long tangent while holding the spider up and pointing out interesting parts of it's anatomy and how you identified it... He wishes he would have just thrown a frying pan at it.

You two eventually find a happy medium. When you want to talk insects with him, you use books and diagrams instead of live specimens. As much as he loathes insects, he loves you, and he knows it makes you happy to share this particular interest with him. Even he has to admit that your in-depth knowledge on the subject is admirable, and he does find some of the fun facts you share to actually be fun and not nightmare inducing.

Over time, he does develop something akin to respect for certain insects. He doesn't like them by any means, but he learns to appreciate what they do for ecosystems and agriculture.

Will not budge on eating them, however. It's one thing in a desperate survival situation, but eating them just because you can is a hard no for him. It's not even that much about eating insects themselves, so much as concern for potential parasites due to insects being breeding grounds for them.

One thing he'll never relax on is you handling insects with medically significant venom. He doesn't care that you know how to grab them to stay safe, he feels like he's about to have a heart attack pleaSE PUT IT DOWN!

God help him if you keep any as pets. Being able to sleep in a bed with you is heaven, but having to hear your nocturnal insects skittering around their enclosures at night is hell. The man lives in fear of them escaping in the night and coming after him.

If your room is decorated with pinned/wet specimens, he hates it at first, but learns to live with it. Especially if you keep any as pets, because he can at least appreciate that these ones won't chase him. Over time, he'll be able to recognize that some insects can be quite interesting to look at when they're pinned. He'll even start keeping an eye out for ones that you don't have yet if he sees anyone selling them. You know he's down bad if he's doing this for you.

There is absolutely no toleration for anyone shaming you for your interest/hobby. If anyone tries to make you feel bad/weird/gross about it, they won't be for long. Even if he doesn't get it, he'll be damned before he lets anyone speak poorly of you for your passions.

You're a unique person, he won't deny that, but you're his unique person.

[thefrogsthewaterturnedgay]

Harris v Trump lip sync battle à la drag race. That’s it. That’s the presidential debate.

[blackbirdffxiv]

So I may have bought myself a lil christmas present...

SKY PANCAKE!

[andy-clutterbuck]

4x05 | Internment

[crysi9988]

They about to go on a run together

[phatcatphergus]

Chaz: the 😀 flashbang 😀 was 😀 real 😀

[crackedegotheories]

Would Squirrel Stapler receive the King of the Squirrels’ Stamp of Approval?

This sure is a game, and a let’s play in which Mark, somehow, managed to get through the entire video without once reminding the world that he is the King of the Squirrels.

To make up for that, let’s break down whether the ego (as a separate entity) would approve of such Squirrel-Stapling hijinks.

To start off, there is obviously the whole hunting squirrels in order to do the titular squirrel-stapling. As king, this violence against his subjects would not be tolerated...if it were someone else doing the violence. The King has been known to accept (and even demand) sacrifices in order to keep his subjects in line in the past. He would also no doubt understand the motivation to make your wife as beautiful as a squirrel and support such “works of art.”

Maybe. I don’t know, it’s pretty messed up, but then if you said the King of the Squirrels was a messed up guy I’d look at this face and say, “Yeah, probably.”

Overall, I think the King of the Squirrels would approve of the motivations of the main character doing these actions out of love (for the wife and for the squirrels), said main character’s respectable squirrel-calling abilities, how the game illuminates the dangers of squirrel hunting (vengeful squirrel ghosts), and the flurry of squirrel facts peppered throughout the game.

Sure, Mark calls out that at least some if not all of said squirrel facts are clearly false, but misinformation campaigns are just one weapon in any king’s arsenal in controlling his subjects, I say as someone who knows as much about monarchies as Mark knows about squirrels.

(That fact about how squirrels are always watching, though? Definitely true.)

All of these points together would likely allow the King of the Squirrels to put his Stamp of Approval on the game itself, if not Mark’s habit of losing track of squirrel bodies, ignorance of squirrel facts, and for some reason choosing to walk back into the stone circle that does nothing but hurt you (not a masochist).

But Mark reflexively shooting God at the end is 100% Wilford Warfstache approved.

[defensivelee]

*taps microphone* can i just say something. i love arranged marriage in fiction. im worse than your average YA author out here im handing them out like fucking popsicles to the Narojix (my original species and story)

but i think what a lot of people are misunderstanding is that there's room for more dynamics than just pure love/outright hatred. a lot of people understandably dislike the trope bc it's too "unlikely" for the couple to fall in love and like yeah it might be. definitely. but for me that's the whole point of writing it-- these two were not meant for each other. there's someone out there that would be perfect for them but they can never be with them, and the person they're with is the reason for it. yeah they can fall in love with each other, but that's not who they would have chosen had they had the choice.

my fav dynamic to write with it is just-- they don't have to fall in love. they're not remotely in love. but they want to make it work, so they put in that effort, and they're not in love, but they're okay. that's more than a lot of couples can say for their relationship. it could definitely be worse. yes, they're aware that it could also be better, and that's where the angst lies for me-- that vague dissatisfaction. even better if it never gets resolved.

even if they do fall in love, there's that inner reflection now and then: "this isn't my dream wife/husband. why the hell am i here."

[fl3a-bag]

It’s their greatest invention as of yet

[goldensunset]

you! tumblr user!

[planefood]

When was the last time you ate something green and NO GREEN M&M'S DON'T COUNT

[noodles-and-tea]

Last one from the archives

[dashcon-two]

Prepare yourself.