#YOU'RE SO NICE TO ME!!!!
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British producers be like: THEM: "We love this! Let us put our heads together and get back to you early next week!" SIX MONTHS LATER UNPAID INTERN FOR THAT COMPANY: "Everyone you spoke to has been sacked, we hate you fuck off."
American producers be like:
THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON YOU'VE EVER MET: Hey kiddo do you wanna meet The Rock? Do you wanna meet Margot Robbie? Do you want to fuck my wife? I can't give you a job but gosh darn it you've got moxxy, let me put you in touch with Doug Bigcheese, the biggest producer in Hollywood! DOUG BIGCHEESE, EMAILING YOU BACK WITHIN 20 MINUTES: Hey kiddo, that guy said you're awesome! Lemme ask round town and in the meantime you can live in my house borrow my car and by the way have you met my wife?!
#acting#writing#producers#Americans Vs Brits#Americans are just so nice#Nobody has any work right now but gosh dang it the yanks have the right attitude#I think a lot of it is a generational thing too#British boomers seriously think taking 2 weeks to respond to an email is acceptable and I don't know how to tell them that that's just#too slow?!#You're leaving money on the table!#Maybe this is me coming from social media world where everything is instant#But the Americans#They just get it#They tell it how it is#They don't blow smoke up your ass#If you're not right they'll tell you and they'll help you out of the pure goodness of their cheese and apple pie hearts
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#art#fat positivity#body positivity#positivity#birblr#canary#doodle#Sorry I'm a bit all over the place at the moment guys#Had to spend time with my partner's fatphobic family#And I know I'm a thin guy so I am not like directly hurt by the things they believe#But it still was just an awful experience and I'm still kinda feeling that#And it infuriates me that me standing up for what's right is always framed as me being a delicate sensitive anorexic#You should treat fat people nice because they are people and deserve basic decency#I am not being overly sensitive by not wanting to hear your fatphobic crap#You're just not nice people#/rant over#Sorry for my little outburst guys! I am usually an easy going guy#I just get really riled up about this stuff#Fat people are wonderful and it is such a blessing to live in a world with such a huge range of different bodies!
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wife
#yeah i'm not dead woo let's celebrate#my art#kuroshitsuji#kuroshitsuji fanart#black butler#black butler fanart#grelle sutcliff#grell sutcliff#anyway i didn't draw SHIT for a good while and when i got back to it i suddenly hated using the flat marker brush???#it's part of what makes my signature distinctive so i used it for that but yeah i switched brushes#oddly enough i'm not hating the more textured look? it gets very pixelated at times but it's not awful#back to the signature- it felt weirdly nice to sign things again#i haven't in a while#if you're one of the very few people who also follow me on instagram you'll know i don't use it on there#and the only art i've been doing these days has been original work so yeah nothing on tumblr#and thus the words 'brain exhaustion god stan' have not been written by this comically large hand in a hot minute#enough rambling this is just grelle art because i love her and i know y'all love her too so i thought it would be a nice comeback piece
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autumn time to be gay and totally fine and not miserable at all
#i am coping you see#i love drawing autumn stuff.. and after producing hundrets pages of tma doodles in school it was time to. draw them properly#the ironic part is that it's raining ugly as im posting this. :[[#aaaaaand you know i planned to have much more characters like this at first... but i ended focusing too long on this one piece so i probabl#won't do other ones#(plus i have arcane to draw god. but i think i want the finale to come out first)#what can i even say. don't let me near blending layers it always ends up looking like this.#jon is my ugly clashing patterns grandma. you agree#(oh and martin is holding a notebook cause he goes to write poetry on autumn walks#if you're still here reading this have a nice day and a peaceful sleep kisses<33#mine#my art#the magnus archives#tma#jonathan sims#martin blackwood#melanie king#georgie barker#fanart#digital art
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yesterday while feverish i wrote about how boats can moor next to each other like pigeons, cooing with the gentle rap of water against their hull. you once said that that the way i see things - birds in the water, feathers in marina paint - was "childish and naive." you said i'd been misdiagnosed - "it can't all be adhd. you might be just kind of stupid and lazy."
i still do certain things like how you taught me - turn the pillow case inside out before putting it on. drive defensively. hate myself entirely.
the prompt for this poem is "mahler's fifth." i wish it wasn't, but mahler's fifth was our song. it ended up in my book. every person that knows your name has promised me they'll give you one swift rabbit punch, right to the face. dean read the book and showed up on my front porch, drenched in sweat from running the 8 miles at 4 in the morning. he was shaking. pacifist and gentle - he works with children - i'd never seen him furious. a punch isn't going to do it, he said, and then said i'm sorry. i had to come to see if you were okay.
mahler's fifth was mine first, like my girlhood. i like the way each movement piles onto the next movement, each instrument bleeding into the next. i like the horn version the best. before i met you, i danced to it on grass still-wet from sprinklers.
later you would tell me that the way you heard it was somehow better. you understood something in it that i couldn't quite wrap my fingers into. once, on our anniversary, you asked the classical music radio station to play it for us. we missed hearing it because we were fighting. one of the things people get wrong about abuse is that sometimes victims are, like, brutally aware of the stupidity of our situation. what do you mean that you thought i wasn't good enough for you? you? you're just... nothing.
sometimes people can pull the poetry out of your life. i watched my words become clothesline, and then thin out into kite twine. i watched you chew through every good syllable of me. so many good songs and places and moments were ruined. i am glad you didn't like most of my music - less to tie back to you.
but still mahler's fifth. the music swells, and i am 21 and throwing up in a bathroom on my birthday. a woman i will later refer to as lesbian jesus runs a cool hand down my back, her perfect pantsuit starch-pressed. she told me to leave you. she said - and this is true, and not an invention of rhyme or fantasy - i'm you from the future.
i am 22, and i got home from an award ceremony, and i remember you telling me - you act so proud of yourself when you're actually so fucking embarrassing. i took you to disney world. you took my virginity. i gave up visiting spain for a week with my family - i instead choose you, to spend the time just-cuddling. you called it "our fuck week." the music swells. it probably should have been a red flag that for about 3 years - i just gave up on crying. my grandfather died and you said nothing. my uncle died and you ghosted me for 3 weeks. you said i need to protect myself from your ongoing tragedy.
every so often i come back to the memory of one of our last afternoons in person. i had just told you that i wasn't going to law school, despite the free ride - i was going to join a creative writing program. master's in fine arts. i was going to finally do it - i was going to follow my dreams. this blog was already internet-famous. however reluctantly, i would occasionally refer to myself as a poet. i got into umass amherst's writing program for fiction authors. it is one of the the top 5 programs in the country.
wait are you seriously considering actually attending that? dumbfounded, you turned completely towards me in your seat. for the 3rd time in our relationship, you almost crashed the car. you actually want to be a writer?
the first time i went viral, it was for a poem i wrote about you:
he wants to say i love you but keeps it to goodnight because love will take some falling and she's afraid of heights.
every time i see that, i want to throw up. you weren't in love with me, you were in love with the control you had over me. a little truth though: i am afraid of heights. you caught a rabbitgirl and skinned her alive.
mahler's fifth still makes me sick.
give me that back. give me back music. give me back everything i had before you. give me back fearlessness. give me back bravery. give me back a scarless body.
give me back what you took from me.
#nosebleed club#sorry stephen not ur fault#just like. thinking#writeblr#spilled ink#warm up#every time nat is like - oh let me get that for u#im like .... this is a trick right like ur gonna be mean now bc u did something nice rn#so obviously if ur being nice now either u did something mean and im about to learn about it#or you're going to BE mean#or ur gonna hold this over my head forever and i'll never get a nice thing ever again?#and every time nat is like .... babe i just actually like u#lesbian jesus story is 100% real btw. she also told me not to be an event planner#literally changed the shape of my life
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bro fuck it im workposting. i did illustrations, i storyboarded, i directed. I did many cool things in 2024 and millions of people all over the world saw em. that has to count for something
#brawl stars#marcia#i dont workpost because i am deeply aware nobody here is here for brawl stars but on god i#i work and i create and its real#and there is a part of me thats ashamed because i know that brawls is not. like its not league of legends you know?#league of legends is something you post about#about the skin you helped create or sculpted#or the splash art you painted#its has that... value that is obvious even in the eyes of a person who has never played league#its a very mature visual language that historically calls for respect#meanwhile presenting brawl stars art feels like showing my anime girl oc to an art teacher#even mentioning an illust i created for a skin announcement for brawl stars feels so#so dollar store#so laughable#like noone would take me seriously#it feels like when you say you're an artist and then a person asks to see your art#and you show them and they get that soft soft look in their eyes that informs you that they had an image of who an “artist” is in their hea#and that you did not live up to it but all they'll say is 'oh thats nice'#bro help me im doing art elitism to myself#how can i simultaneously believe that art can be anything and yet only neoclassical realism has real value#i want to be creatively free yet all i do is fear the unimpressed looks of strangers
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can you even imagine what a fucking horror show the early game is from spite's perspective, though. not only is this funky forcibly severed little slip of the fade having to deal with the reverse cosmic horror of physical reality as perceived by a spirit and being trapped in it against its will -- existentially confused and disoriented and hurting and nothing makes any kind of sense, at the mercy of human cruelty at its most deliberately sadistic. and then the one source of comfort and compassion and some kind of safety and clarity that lucanis surely must have been to him in the ossuary despite everything just goes and shuts himself in his room inside with a seemingly passive aggressive number of locks between them and no explanation and won't speak to him and they're STILL in the fucking ossuary. rook came and found them and they could be free now (rook is here!) and still lucanis keeps them in the ossuary even though he PROMISED he promised they'd get out of there together!!! what the fuck DO you think at that point? like did he trick me that whole time??? he wasn't like zara before, so why is he doing this to me now? why isn't he saying anything? 'he won't move. I can't reach him'. at least in the ossuary they had a deal, a goal, a hope -- each other. at least he wasn't entirely alone, before.
this poor poor poor little spite spirit really was ferried into the real world like 'hey welcome to reality! as your first introduction to it you're first getting horrifically tortured and then getting to vicariously experience one of THE most distressing and harrowing psychological conditions the human brain can cook up for itself (a fully fledged and deeply entrenched freeze response flaring up with catastrophic severity due to an unbroken ongoing and unlikely to let up any time soon chain of Unfortunately... Recent Events). I think spite is being extremely reasonable and patient about the whole thing, when you put it into perspective. I'm not saying let him eat the self-lighting candles or anything, but he's got some extremely valid points along the way lol. spite is not only child-like, the metaphor work going on is a lot more pleasingly flexible and complex than that, but he is also helplessly existentially dependent on lucanis in a way that, if anything, is a heightened version of the way a child (or child part) has to depend on a parent to navigate the world and survive.
tl;dr: we truly don't give enough sympathy to spite for having to live in the head of lucanis dellamorte. a place even lucanis dellamorte would prefer not to be. to be fair to him I think lucanis would be the first person to agree with this lol
#it's a lot like it would be if a spirit possessed me I suspect. like sorry you're in here too now I've tried to get out myself but no luck#possessor's remorse#spite very much did not have a choice in all of that he's just working with the hand he's been dealt here lol#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#spite#lucanis dellamorte#spite is such a little gremlin but looking at what's going on from his pov for even like a split second is so heartbreaking haha#one of my favourite parts of their relationship is that there clearly is affection of some sort on both sides even at the beginning#beneath the resentment and confusion and fear and mutual frustrations there is also real and enduring care#the fact that lucanis is genuinely kind and spite is genuinely loyal in his spirit-y way. I just. I need a moment.#the nice thing about playing a mourn watcher is that it's easy to imagine rook sort of glimpsing the outlines of some of this#and being quite understanding with spite even as they don't want to be invasive or step on lucanis' still-tender trauma toes about it#be nice to spite. like all of us he is Going Through it fr fr perhaps even more so. and he doesn't even get to have FIRE 😔#*grumbly spite voice* I hate this fucking family
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Cody surrounded by family and the people he loves, because that is what he deserves
#commander cody#obi wan kenobi#anakin skywalker#ahsoka tano#clone trooper jesse#captain rex#clone trooper boil#clone trooper waxer#arc trooper fives#arc trooper echo#coday#cody day 2224#cody my beloved#codywan#cody deserves all the happiness he can get and I think he's the happiest when he's with his family#so here you have a nice time to chill by the beach after a joint mission with 501st#I will learn to design better clothes at some point I promise :'D#these are so stupid#but I didn't want to spend overly long with this one and the multiple characters already gave me a headache hahaha#I love them all so much#fives you'll regret whatever you're going to do#though Anakin's totally there for it#my arts
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Learn from who? Learn from you?
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#nat chen#chen bowen#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#userspring#uservid#pdribs#userspicy#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#uh huh. mmhm. parallels and shit#OK LIKE. in nice words ai di essentially tells chen yi to go for it BUT bc hes a Lil Shit he says it like 'use force to PROVE how you feel.#followed by '.....OH WAIT YOU CANT BEAT HIM'. the way he rubs that in chen yi's face too like it isnt even 'youre weaker than him.'#it's you're LOWER than him. & thats why ai di calls him a coward bc therell always be a divide between chen yi & cdy that chen yi wont cros#and the point of this is - okay i know chen yi is literally picking ai di up and throwing him around here but also you have to remember#ai di LETS HIM. ai di doesnt fight back as hard as he could and that puts them on EVEN. EQUAL. GROUND. every time.#& yeah theres some comedy to it but you cant Ever forget that ai di wants chen yi to want him. needs it. he's faking sleep in the 1st scene#and once chen yi realizes what he wants he puts everything he has into keeping it - inadvertently taking ai di's advice by doing so -#& expresses it in every kind of way too. whatever it takes. bc between the two of them its not just 'bring him back' it's 'bring him HOME'#in a way thats based on the constantly being witness to the worst of each other & choosing it AND. years and layers of trust & love.#..ok only I would take a gifset of chen yi picking ai di up & make it abt how their relationship is perfectly balanced. but im right so idc#the last one ties it all together in my onion. chen yi got him home. and ai di's deliberately allowing himself to be loved. they won
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as someone who rarely listens to music, i am unceasingly in wonderment at the emotional connection many humans have to music as a medium. genres & styles & artists and all that jazz --you guys care a lot about this stuff. i sit marveling at the sheer commonplaceness of people feeling an intimate connection to individual songs & albums & musicians. to the point musical preferences are often considered a meaningful part of one's identity as an individual....thats crazy. so much passion...so much fierceness of feeling ...people say "you have to listen to this song" and i listen for 30 seconds and say "neat!" bc it is, it's neat! the chorus is catchy! i might tuck it away to hum to myself later. but for now im putting my earplugs back in returning to the glorious silence that my essence depends on the same way my lungs depend on an oxygen-rich atmosphere. u beset me with fascination
#me listening to a Certified Jam: i get it now! i get why you guys care so much i understand the Feelings#me 60 seconds later when the chorus is over: ok that's plenty let's calm down with a nice quiet breather#yall are out there just constantly Absorbing Sounds huh#just letting your ears rawdog it when you're not surrounding them with Specific Rhythms And Tunes#u have such rich lives. sounds exhausting but im happy for u
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Really I think nothing shouts "my first Presidential election as a politically active person was 2016" more than the fact that when I feel hope and excitement for the future (possible President Harris) for more than five minutes I immediately get a crushing, all-consuming anxiety of "feeling this positive emotion now is going to make it so much worse when the worst thing possible happens" to the extent that I'll probably need my break-glass-in-case-of-emergency anxiety medication.
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#donald trump#2016 election#2024 elections#personal post#I can't feel any hope about politics without my brain reflexively shutting it down in case things get too nice before the fall#I know Harris has flaws#But I just like her--she's more progressive and feels joy and isn't shy about hating Trump#But then my brain is like “do not get attached or The Pain will be worse later”#This happened in 2020 too---I couldn't believe it when we won I was so busy preparing for the worst#harris for president#democrats#vote democrat#seriously vote democrat#If you are following me or reading my fic and capable of voting in the US election and are not voting Democrat please feel free to fuck off#You're the reason Trump won in 2016 and if you prove my anxiety brain right I hope all your food comes out burnt for the rest of your life#good thing I have therapy tomorrow
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why do all of the options for talking to wyll after mizora's punishment feel so mean? the poor guy just got sent through the tortures of the nine hells and had his body permanently changed, and it's clear that all of this is because mizora was deceiving him, and you're telling me i can't just...check in on him? like what's even the point of having five different options if all of them are just different flavors of "you had it coming"? i think he's been beaten down enough by the devil who just showed up to fuck him over and treat him like something less than human while doing it, let me just be nice to him!!!!!
#like He Would Not Fucking Say That. None Of My Tavs So Far Would Fucking Say That#they would all have different reactions but this is just. five flavors of the same reaction and it doesn't fit any of them#not to mention with the timing of the scene in this run it happened the same day that wyll found out his dad was kidnapped#like he just had the roughest fucking day and you're telling me i can't just. be nice to him????? bullshit#wyll ravengard#bg3#baldur’s gate 3
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This week one of my coworkers said to me "you have a really strong sense of morals and want everything to be done the right way which sucks for you personally but is a net benefit for everyone else around you" and I think I should put that on my resume
#living up to my keladry of mindelan/tiffany aching ideals I guess#an acquaintance asked me what I was doing this weekend and i said going to costco to make care packages for my neighbors#and she said 'oh you're so nice' and I said no I'm not. I don't even like those people#then she laughed at me#life's hard when you want to fix stuff not because you're a particularly nice person#but because injustice and things being Wrong makes you angry#while I had my quibbles this bit of the scholomance series was deeply relatable#unfortunately this trait is also why I am in charge of everything at work now
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what do you mean youre technically a detransitioner cause of terf bullshit?
it's a v long story but i detransitioned for a couple of years when i was 16/17, for multiple reasons but mostly because i fell into the blaire white/kalvin garrah chamber of "you have to be This way to be trans otherwise you're not real".
i was already Deeply insecure about myself and my 'passing' and i was led to believe that i couldn't want to wear makeup or skirts, and i couldn't choose not to have bottom surgery, and i couldn't do anything but bind for 12+ hours a day to the point that my ribcage is still misshapen. basically i thought that if i wasn't suffering enough doing 'feminine' things, i couldn't really be trans, so i should just go back to being a girl and suck it up.
the terf bullshit is because i'd seen a lot of terfs/detransitioners talking about the 'dangers' of testosterone and how it would turn me into a horrible ugly evil monster and how there was nothing worse than wanting to be a man. which combined with 'you need to fully medically transition to be valid at all' creates some very dangerous and upsetting feelings to cope with.
it also came from trying really hard to put myself in a little box before i realised that my sexuality/gender are very fluid and it's FINE for me not to have a label and just do whatever i want. when i was 19 or so i went back to using they/them (and eventually he/him) and changed my name again because even though i like doing 'feminine' things, i don't want to be seen as a woman.
tldr: i was conditioned by transphobic/terf rhetorics to think that i was being trans the 'wrong' way so i couldn't be trans at all, so i believed i must actually be a girl if i still wanted to do 'feminine' things. nowadays i am a transmasc who does feminine things because i don't give two shits about what any transmed prick thinks of me anymore.
#ramble#ok to reblog btw i'm fine with this being shared#this was meant to be a short version but this is just the whole story whoops#sorry i realised the way i phrased it sounded like i'm the detrans you see in the news#i'm Technically a detransitioner because a lot of detrans stats are people who go on to RETRANSITION#because detransition is often because of social stigma and not because you realised you weren't trans#so anyway. terfs are cancer and if you don't think their bs is harming children you're wrong#i know it's easy to say 'you should've used your brain and realised those people were wrong'#but like. when you're 16 you're SO impressionable. even if you think you aren't#especially when you're watching people who have been transitioning longer than you and you assume they know everything#i was in my mid-late teens when 'transtrender' videos were MASSIVE and i believed it!!! and i was Not nice about those people#all they made me believe was that being trans couldn't be colourful and comfy and fun. it just had to be Pain#i hope everyone who contributed to the 'you need to be this way to be trans' mindset knows how much hurt they've caused#nowadays i don't care. go and be stargender. we have actual problems to deal with not debates about neopronouns#anyway this was long. that's the story
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!!! I just think they'd be great company to each other and would love to see them hang out sometime, ah maybe one day.
#Qsmp#qsmp fanart#qsmp Tallulah#qsmp Missa#q!Tallulah#Qsmp eggs#I have too much I'd love to say about them like how they'd be able to reassure each other of their fears#and Missa could connect to Tallulah emotionally and in Spanish and it would be so nice to see aaaaaah#but it is too late for me to try and ramble about them in the description and tags here's another day of me manifesting them#Rose if you're out there- ppleASE
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Kingdom Hearts 3 - Arendelle
#kingdom hearts 3#kh3#arendelle#scenery#my gif#it's nighttime when you first arrive in this world and you get to see the auroras shimmering in the sky#it's very beautiful but once you reach a certain point in the game it becomes daytime and you're not able to view this world at night again#that's pretty unique and i can't think of any other worlds that are like that#except maybe the kingdom of corona when you see the lanterns fly at night but that's just for a short segment#at least san fransokyo gives you a choice to view the city during night or day#anyways i'm glad i had an older save file that i was able to return back to so i could get shots of this world at night#i would have included elsa's castle but every angle i tried looked really awkward and bad lol#i don't use mods when collecting footage so some things are out of my hands when trying to get a nice shot#how sad is it that the interior of her castle is fully modeled (you can see right through the front doors) but you can't go inside#all of the characters stand in a line outside the castle and i wonder why they couldn't just hang out indoors#let me in. let me innnnnn
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