#YA KNOW FOR MY HEALTH
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Someone asked me about the HMS Beagle today and I could have pinpointed the moment of deep regret
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Me 90% of the time: Naltrexone is working! 😃😃
The other 10%: Naltrexone is working 😑🥱
#personal#I wanted to get tipsy tonight#but I am like#physically incapable anymore#WHICH IS GOOD#YA KNOW FOR MY HEALTH#but I miss that feeling#vent#naltrexone#tw alcohol
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Since I did one for my first farmer, I obviously had to do one for my second. We don’t play favorites in this house (except we totally do, I love her sm)
Her name is Jeannie, and she’s a half vampire on her dad’s side. Other than her appearance, vampirism hasn’t really affected her life that much, she just has to deal with a mild garlic allergy and getting sunburnt real easy. She also ages a tad slower than a normal person, but she does still age
#i admittedly got a little tired of working on it so it’s kinda half finished#sorry about that#but that means I get to move onto drawing more Mr Qi#I’m still really salty abt not getting to marry him#at least I have krobus#also. kinda torn between picking a father for her#idk if I want her dad to be the count from Sesame Street or Nosferatu#tbh I didn’t know she was a half vampire until I started drawing her because I felt the need to justify her purple skin#I didn’t want her to be a full vampire tho bc#ya know being a farmer in the sun all day might be bad for her health#anyway#sdv#stardew valley#my art#sdv farmer#my oc#sdv mr qi#Mr qi is hard to draw dude. I think it’s the hat that throws me off the most but man#I started over with him like 4 times
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I might rewatch all of jjba and write down all of my beloved dub insults + other lines that I think are kinda unhinged
#🎀.txt#jjba rambles#ya know just for me and my own mental health and wellbeing#fuck I might throw em into some writing projects and see if anyone notices#if you hear me calling someone 'bitch meat' you better know where that hailed from
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A tribute to the meme that lives in my head rent free
#nooo don’t kill yourself your so sexy aha#I’m not kidding this is lowkey a mental health thing too bc#ya know what I WONT kill my self#I’m too sexy#bracelet
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Activity notice - lowered
Not gonna sugar coat it. I'm not doing well mentally. I still like being here but with everything that has happened its been a bit hard to 'feel' like myself while feeling like garbage lit on fire. I'll reply to things when I feel like I have the energy and the strength but I really just need to step back and collect what pieces have been scattered and repair the pieces that are shattered.
#🔥▓◤out of dragon nip: ooc post◥#tw; mental health#don't worry i'll be on discord but my replies might be pretty slow or maybe non existent just while i collect myself#i really just need to be able to take a deep breath without panicking in the middle of it ya know?
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“do the hardest task first”
no. just… no.
hot take: this doesn’t work for people with adhd (in my experience/from what i’ve heard from other people with adhd in my life). i recommend doing the easy/moderately difficult stuff first, that way you can convince yourself that it’s all going to be this easy and undemanding. then hyper-focus will kick in because your brain is like, “yeah, we can do this, we’ve got this.” then, before you know it, you’ve completed both the easy tasks and the hard tasks while hyperfocusing.
like, on a serious note, it’s always been easier for me to convince myself to get the most difficult tasks done when i’m already working/in the working frame of mind, not when i’m laying in bed or sitting on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through stuff on my phone, and struggling to start at all.
if the choice comes down to you not starting at all or starting with the easiest task first (which, for me, it often does), always, always pick starting with the easiest task first. sometimes you need a small victory, a little bit of an accomplishment, to give you the courage to take on bigger challenges.
#adhd#audhd#in my experience… ‘study tips’ or ‘time management tips’ from neurotypical people will almost never work for us#they don’t conceptualize time the same way we do#they don’t look at challenges the same way we do#it’s okay to take bits and pieces of their advice#ya know… whatever parts of it work for you#but don’t think that you have to use all the strategies and programs that they do to be successful#because you don’t#all that fake business soft skills/mental health guru/grind mindset stuff is total bullshit#pick strategies that speak to/work for you#it’s okay to fail at things and to have to try again#it’s okay to make mistakes and not get shit done sometimes#sometimes you need a fucking break#it’s okay to start with the easy stuff first and just ease your way into being productive#it’s okay to hyperfocus and work for hours on end sometimes#if it’s hard for you to take breaks when you’re studying and you feel like you learn better if you stay in that hyperfocused zone#than just go until the hyperfocus wears off#then take a break… eat… nourish your body… take care of yourself… and come back later#maybe later is later on that day#maybe later is tomorrow#either way is completely fine#do what works best for you#work with your neurodivergent brain… no against it#pol’s diary <3
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what is it about lesbian media that fills me with the heaviest & most profound sadness in the pit of my stomach, in my throat, under my heart.
#keeping it fun and funky fresh#personal#matty watches#i am not even talking about things like carol (which absolutely did leave me with an indescribable aching sensation for days)#or bloom into you which i am watching now (i can't get the opening song out of my head and it feels like it's stealing my breath)#i'm talking about fucking Enchanting Grom Fright from the owl house! which made me so so so sad when i watched it back in aug 2020#and WHY. and for WHAT.#god.#it's like. it's some Gender Feelings for sure. plus ya know. my overall shall we say delicate mental state (:#but for god's sake i can't even watch some yuri without wanting to curl up and weep and subsume into the mossy forest floor#gender blogging#matty's mental health#i watched carol when it came out in 2015 while having the worst time of my life working on ssv oliver hazard perry#and like i said. already was having a horrible horrible time. and left the theatre absolutely emotionally devastated#feeling like i'd been shattered & the pieces just leaned back against each other#and not... really knowing why it was hitting me so hard or why i was feeling so fucking fragile about it#and that. was definitely an Egg Moment. i'd started id'ing as nonbinary like 6 months earlier.#idk. this got away from me#what i'm trying to say is. i'm watching bloom into you and i'm feeling incredibly fragile about it.#but also Why do i feel so incredibly fragile about every single fucking piece of lesbian media i've ever seen#ALSO INB4: I AM ALREADY A GIRL BY NOW AND AM A LESBIAN SO IF ANYONE IS GONNA MAKE AN ~I SUGGEST FORCEFEM~ JOKE PLS DON'T
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Heavy debate on just deleting everything and Peace-ing Out.
#vent#I already uninstalled twitter insta and tumblr from my phone. been kinda nice#tiktok brain rott is real though. sucks#i'm just... tired. I don't want to but I do. the internet is just so toxic.#i'm feeling defeated. ya know?#you make mistakes and suddenly it's all people wanna talk about. just. yeah.#mental health man.. it's a literal killer#i miss the me before the pandemic. before even then. when i had fun creating. where is that me?#my spark is gone guys. i don't know what to do.#I want to do so much.. but i feel like cant. shouldn't. no one should feel like that. but i do.#I feel like i'm not allowed to talk to my ..friends? are they my friends? I dont know anymore. they never talk to me either. so. maybe not.
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Was thinking about how a lot of "fae" were probably just neurodivergent or disabled people and...
Were... were selkies just like... well you know how in some cultures women were expected to "remain pure" until they met their husbands? Well if a guy wanted a woman in that society he could just take her purity (steal her clothes i mean skin). They would have to marry then. I suppose it could be about kidnapping or buying women from their home regions too. Actually that almost makes more sense.
#inverted flowers ramble#local cryptid is ouch#fae lore#i guess#im not sure how to tw this#my heads too fuzzy#is bad health day#ah and not to say the fae aren't necessarily real#but ya know
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ilyyyy how's college going lately
hiiii ily hihi ^_^ it's been pretty messy but we soldier on o7 i'm not going to graduate on time but considering all the circumstances together it's really not such a bad thing... plus i get to work on my projects :3
#a mental health crisis here a bank account crisis there..... whadda ya gonna do#but how are YOU doing....... i gotta know 🤔🥺😈📸🐕🛹 <my movie (unrelated)#*char noises*
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talked w/ a friend about this and wanted to post something similar yesterday after a convo i saw also
about people criticizing ttcc / ttcc fans for just... being cog fans? being cog centric? usually coming from people who only like the toons.
and everyone likes what they like! it's okay! but saying that people who like the cogs are horrible and support the bad things they do, is just blatantly wrong. i thought we knew that enjoying villainous and morally Bad / grey characters is... okay? it doesn't mean you support what they do. it's interesting to explore these topics.
i've seen many people just... paint anyone who likes the cogs as horrible because they're "apologists of x and y" and... i dunno. rubs me the wrong way! you do have a point and recognize the cogs do bad things, but liking them as characters means nothing about who you are as a person.
and this is not to say that people who are in toontown for the toons are bad. hell! they are right this IS toontown. i may be on the cog liker side but i like the toons! maybe ocs more than the npcs - mostly because i like my friends and the sheer creativity the toons can bring out!!
SO what i wanna say... i dunno. let's not point fingers...? let's have fun in a goofy cartoon game together??? also complaining about people liking VILLAIN ROBOTS on TUMBLR is kind of funny to me. do you realize where you are. but then again a lot of this i see on discord and in-game as well since i avoid things on tumblr... i am a sensitive little fella i avoid misty fight bc of One Really mean "Critic" guy i saw there and i have been shivering in my bootsies since. so you get me
but like yes ttcc is more cog centric but... that's okay? things could be written better and i still wanna speak on it, and i do thing the toons deserve attention and better writing... but the fact it focuses on the cogs isn't... bad? if you don't like how con centric it is you can go play ttr...? god forbid people have fun and explore the villain's side of things...? i'm not saying either toontown server is better or worse than the other... and everyone can like their own things!!
but like... people will just like the cogs and that's okay and it doesn't make you bad. let's all be friends okay? both sides may be going at each other's necks in-game and the cogs in fact do horrible things - but it's what makes them fun, and it gives the toons things to do in the game!! but we don't gotta !!!!!!!! i may be really sarcastic and sometimes mean in private but like that's me just privately sassing, deep down i think people should just... y'know..? enjoy things.
so yea that's the guzma / cathal thought of today. toon people cog people both people are all awesome as fuck and you keep doing what you're doing i love you toontown isn't toontown without you
#anyways omg god forbid ppl are cog kissers on the robot kissing website /silly#but like!! tt/r may not be for everyone and tt/cc may not be for everyone and THATS OK!! ur not gonna like everything!!#like i accepted tt/r isnt for me but its mostly bc they dont show cog health specifically and i struggle with these things but !! i#heard they are updating that so i might be able to play without getting bored / frustrated again ^^ i havent played properly in yeaaaars#i will still prefer clash bc fixation and?? i LIKE ROBOBTS....!#but tewtow is tewtow its all swag. the least toony thing u can do is bully someone for Liking Robobt. be niceys#like ya i admit im not perfect i also dont like people andhave so much one sided beef and i am sensitive to so many things and i complain#in private but at the end of the day its to make myself feel better and i KNOW to not engage and look away and work on feeling better#bc this stuff does Heehoo upset me bc Mental Health Probulem. but i know everyone should and can do their own thing and have fun#i may complain about (redacted ship) all the time and i dont get it at all but...? bro... just have fun... be free. im not here to stop you#im just not gonna interact as i should. good for both of us! joyous world! happy that ur happy!!!!#why complain abt ppl just Enjoying Cogs like that though................................................ do you not like fun#this is not at anyone specific#my friend did show me tags of a post anonymously#and i vague a person whos name i dont know ingame like A YEAR AGO#and a convo what happened in a server a while back. but its not anyone specific i just wanted to like. speak my thoughts#lets be frense... and if not thats okay lets not argue either then we all stay in our lanes
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I am feeling really shit about my writing lately. I'm trying my best to get out the next chapters of Museum and Murder Husbands but I feel like my brain is broken. I promise you all I'm trying, but I might need to take a break from writing for a few days. I'm just getting so frustrated with my inability to produce anything worthwhile.
#my mental health has not been great but im working on it#i also got a shit comment about one of my fics and now im like why am i writing at all ya know?#anyways might delete this later
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So funny that before this episode imodna fans were like “i hope they at least talk 😕” lmfao. Now we here!
#imodna#laudna#imogen temult#critical role#critical role spoilers#cr spoilers#k i have to go for real now#i have a supervised session with clients in 8 hours lol#and I can’t sleep properly and I can’t get out of the bed in the mornings lol#hoping this joyous ploy twists carries my mental health through the weekend#cause it’s my birthday sunday!#ya know what i consider this my birthday present
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I mean this in the nicest way possible: I wish I was a better friend.
#delete later#I know I’m not a good friend#but i think it’s trauma related#and I know that’s not an excuse#but a reason#and I’m just… also tired of people leaving me#I don’t strike up conversations anymore cause I was the friend who always did so#I was always the one making the effort to be in other peoples lives#and it sucks. ya know.#and sometimes I say dumb things that then like….. makes people not want to be around me I fear#and like…. yeah…. that’s part of life#but I’m just so tired of being alone#I want friends. I want people to send post cards and letters too#and I wanna hang out with people#and I want them to tell me things I want them to tell me how they are feeling#like. online friends are great!!#don’t get me wrong!!#but I know I’m not a great online friend either.#and when I try to be I fear I come off as flirting. like sometimes I am. don’t get me wrong#but I wish I could just… go to a friends house and sit with them and hold their hand when they are having a bad day and have the same done#for me!!!#I am always giving…. I am always giving parts of myself to people who don’t give themselves back#I still know my ex-best friends favorite color but I doubt she knows what mine was when we where friends#if you read this far just…. ignore it oof.#it’s just a rant#sometimes I rant in a tumblr post cause reading rants back in old journals is. bad. for my mental health#my adhd just picks the emotions right back up and then I go through it again. so it’s best to tumblr rant#I’ve also been having complicated gender emotions again#I don’t hate the idea of being a woman/girl as much as I used to. and it’s throwing me off a bit#I mean it’s right on time really… I have a gender crisis almost every four years…
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hi
#hi#i’m just making sure people know i’m alive despite my queue being hella active#sorry for being MIA and not very interactive for two months now???#i could go longer so i’m gonna#life is still weird and mental health is still shit#please bear in mind i am cheering you on whether or not i voice it in the tags under your creations#apparently i needed to say this and remind people that i am going through shit and don’t have much energy or interest about certain things#beyond getting through the day without falling apart#allow me the grace to do so <3#doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate you or your work#this is just a website at the end of the day ya know#anyway#hope everyone is vibing to rpwp#jindependence day soon!
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