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mistmarigold · 4 months ago

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What if Sunjae didn’t die that night Part 4 (lovely runner au)

[Read Part 1, 2, and 3 here.]

When you are in the spotlight, things have a way of getting out of control. So it came as no surprise to Sunjae when the rumour about his retirement was already out before his work meeting.

“It’s just a rumour, right? You don’t intend on actually quitting?”

Sunjae was asked by the director. Strangely enough, he was no longer sure about the retirement. And so, he remained silent. However, at his apathy, Inhyuk had stormed off.

Unbeknownst to Inhyuk, Sunjae’s fingers had been strumming against the table on an invisible tune and it didn’t go unnoticed. Thankfully, he was neither asked nor pressured about it but it gave him the leeway for the meeting to end without a resolution (once again).

Putting away his phone and the article that he was skimming through, he shuffled through his apartment looking for a pen and paper. It had been a long while since he wanted to write so he no longer kept these things in sight.

At last, he finally found a scrap of paper - a bill, no less - and grabbed a marker to quickly jot down words and phrases. Soon enough, the entire white of the paper was a mess of black scribbles that only made sense to him. He sighed and kept it away - neatly - to get back to it later and was about to head to the kitchen for some water when he realised his phone had been constantly buzzing.

He picked it up on Sol’s fourth message.

“It’s not true, right? Sunjae isn’t retiring, right?”

“I’m so sorry for texting you, I promised I wouldn’t, can you please just give me a hint?”

“This is the last message, I won’t bother you again. Is Sunjae doing okay?”

A small smile took over his face. Of course, she’d be concerned about him. At this point, he should stop being surprised - even if everything she does comes as a surprise to him.

It isn’t just that she cares for him, but more that it feels like an overdue acknowledgment that he never expected to receive. That the person who he has felt so unbelievably guilty towards, the person he has yearned for more than 15 years, is physically jn his orbit and that she cares for him enough to give him her sunflowers.

“He is doing okay, right?” Another message came through.

Sunjae wanted to respond properly but at the same time he didn’t want to be more involved in her life, lest he causes more harm to her. As much as Sol stirs up his soul, he didn’t want to impose on her life in any other capacity other than neighbour-turned-celebrity she knows him for. It was safer that way.

A pang of hurt went through him at the thought of never being able to meet Sol again but he felt at peace that she will be safe from him. After all, nothing would’ve happened to her if he had just woken her up at their stop that night.

Sunjae opened her message and sent a quick thumbs up reaction - nothing more, nothing less.

He didn’t want to be in her life, but he wished she’d remain in his. That she would text him again, and again, and again. He wanted to see all of her smiles - when she’s shy, when she’s truly happy, when she’s excited. But at the same time, he knew that with every instance between them, it would get harder and harder to let go of her. Staying away from Sol, it felt as if he was going against his nature. Almost as if the entire world had colluded to push him towards her and he was wasting his time trying to resist.

His gaze goes back to the scrap of paper he had been writing on, so he kept his phone aside and went back to it.

If he couldn’t say all the things he wanted to say to Sol as Sunjae, he would do it as Ryu Sunjae. Either way, she will know his words and he hoped that would be enough for him.

*

Later that night, Sunjae held up his end of the deal. He texted Sol a picture of her sunflowers - now preserved in a resin cover for a small notebook.

What he didn’t send was the small resin pendant with preserved sunflowers that had become part of his daily wardrobe, hidden to the world but he knew it was there, embodying Sol’s presence in his life for all the years that had gone by and yet to come.

—

Part 5 here.

#apologies again for slowww updates #I’ve never done a long multi-parts fic before #so it’s been a struggle #but thank youuu so much #for reading and commenting #it really does force me to show up #and it means the world to me!#Will try to be faster #thank you for sticking by!#lovely runner fic #my fics #lovely runner #soljae

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stuckinapril · 10 months ago

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Honestly the cliche advice is true. If you fill your life w things you’re passionate about, if you challenge yourself every day, if you give your own opinion of yourself more weight than you do other people’s opinions of you, you will actually thrive. Like no one can tell u anything

#I’m just in a whole state of mind rn #there will always be ppl who try to bring u down but pursuing the things u love will help u rise above it.#I absolutely still get anxious / annoyed at things but I’m over it sm faster. and soon it won’t bother me at all.#or at least it’ll have a healthy duration. bc negative emotion isn’t always bad. negative emotion is important and we should not ignore it #but overall!! preserving my energy better. just need to work on my knee jerk responses & I’ll be set #text

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itsnicsalad · 6 months ago

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grom lumity redraw bc my school ball was on saturday^^ second slide was from 2020

#the owl house #toh #fanart #the owl house fanart #luz noceda #amity blight #lumity #im trying to practice drawing faster #i lose my mind everytime i spend a long time on stuff for it to not turn out the way i wanted :“)

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pand1on · 8 months ago

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learned helplessness

#shadow the hedgehog #sth #sonic the hedgehog #my art #what if his inhibitors didnt do anything would that be fucked up or what #super quick painting exercise i'm trying to get faster

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shhroomer · 2 months ago

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omg kahl broflobster !?

#idk what that caption is about the word broflobster just could not leave my brain for some reason 😭😭#this took way longer than it should have #hoping I can draw Kenny and Stan faster!!!#but yea trying to figure out how I wanna draw fanon Kyle in my style!!#also TEXTURED HAIR IS SO MUCH FUN TO DRAW #id like to imagine his hair gets frizzier the angrier he gets teehee #i know thats not how hair works but like apply ghibli magic to it alright #south park #south park fanart #kyle broflovski #sp kyle #shroomer's art !#artists on tumblr #shroomer's archives: south park

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teamunee · 11 months ago

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some hoyo headshots 💪

#trying to draw faster and limit my focus on details #though it’s not going too well….#it’s ok baby steps ….#genshin impact #honkai star rail #hsr aventurine #hsr sunday #gaming genshin #gaming genshin impact #bruh is the gaming tag even gonna work #lmao #hoyoverse

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erabu-san · 2 months ago

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Burning going to be my new gender i afraid

+ a doodle i made yesterday before sleeping

#my art #genshin impact #genshinimpact #emilie #kinich #mualani #i already have a team for burning IHIHIHIHIHUVUVHIHIHIHI #kinich dps Emilie sub dps Bennet healer + support and the last one.....#huh. xiangling or thomas #thomas maybe for the shield ??? i am trying to aboid xiangling because i am tired of her long energywhatever for her burst omg #ruining all my rotation because I have skill issue ‼️‼️‼️#tchat with 93 pull do u believe i have a cons of kinich as well.#after him i might skip everyone until emilie rerun so i can have her cons too #or maybe Mavuika if she can do a great pyro application (PLEASE)#i feel like Emilie and Kinich works wzll nor only for burning boost but also because Emilie can do AoE and target mobs around while Kinich #is focus in one target #iDK I WANT TO TRY PLZ KINICH BANNER COME FASTER !!!#wait no i dont have any good artefact for him yet #work well not only*

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transmechanicus · 2 months ago

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Polyamory is not inherently bad or toxic, it just has higher demands on time and energy to manage multiple relationships, which means people who would arguably struggle to manage an entirely mono relationship are going to struggle even more in a poly one, and due to the interlocking relationships and elevated public scrutiny, that’s going to be viewed as much messier than it would otherwise.

#my stuff #i usually let more eloquent reblogs articulate my thoughts but whagthever #i know and care abt several poly ppl. it’s not remarkable #one of the main reasons it gets so much flak is it’s just easier to be bad at it faster than being mono #like there’s constraints of time and money in energy in all relationships #and if you’re bad at managing that it’s gonna be way more obvious if you try to be poly bc you’ll fail way more dramatically #but in the exact same ways as if you were mono #it’s not special or enlightened or toxic or anything it just fucking IS

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tilthedayidice · 6 months ago

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God dammit I forgot I had this installed...