#Why can't school essays be this easy to write?

[writeouswriter]

Genuinely don't understand people who don't want to actually think about and analyze what they read or want to use AI to write their essays, gonna be honest, I'd kill to be writing an essay right now, I'm dying to be in an environment where actually being able to delve into and lay out my thoughts on a work would mean something, have some effect or actual outside accountability or reward in the form of further understanding through review and working toward a further tangible goal, like genuinely if you don't want to learn the subject material, why are you paying to take these courses, I mean, it's one thing to be a disillusioned high school student who feels forced into an assignment and wants the easy way out, which, don't be that guy, even if you're struggling, trying to work through and pinpoint why is better than just trying to ignore it, but it's another thing when like this is your life, this is what you chose to do, what you're working towards and you don't want to do it properly, like do you genuinely want to go through life without ever having a single fully formed thought float through your head again? I'm being real, are you so dependent on AI or things like that, you've conditioned yourself to literally be unable to think for yourself, form opinions, understand text or deeper meaning or anything, that's how things get bad EVERYWHERE, that's how you get a misinformed population of the blind leading the blind, easily susceptible people who can't understand why we shouldn't create the torment nexus or why the leopards eating faces party would eat their face, too, like, yes, I remember procrastinating assignments, yes the school system is flawed, it's focused too largely on memory and rigid structures and etc., but this isn't the solution, if anything it's only further deepening the already existing issues of only caring about tests and end results, but in the end, if you play into it, it's not the system that's failed you, it's common sense. You can be better, you can do better, work smarter not harder does not mean don't work at all, give yourself the benefit of the doubt, don't hold yourself back, let yourself be capable of discovering things even through struggling and making mistakes, let yourself be capable of being smart.

[crystallinestars]

OMG thank you so much for your response 😭 You always answer very kindly and in a detailed manner ahahah it is always fun to read your posts ! For rant, where to begin… I’m straight up typing this on a document so that it’ll be easier to organize gyahahah. I hope the readers do not see this as an assault on certain people, just an exchange of ideas 😁This is like 1250 words, enough for a uni essay, I feel that at some points it may be rather incoherent…

So I guess I will start with the shipping thing ! So when it comes to Kaveh ships, I see that it is like 99% with Alhaitham. I guess it is because of the way the game sets them up. Not only do they live under the same roof but iirc they have extensive voicelines about each other. I won’t deny that they play an important role in each other’s lives! Like back from their Akademiya days when they were still friends and collaborated with each other, and then when they had their falling out, and then Kaveh falls into financial ruin and inevitably ends up turning to his former friend for help (much to his own shame and chagrin). If they’ve known each other for this many years, it is natural that they would have many things to say about each other. 

However, I guess this also opens up the way for BL fans to interpret this in a romantic manner. Ofc they could feel free to ship as they’d like, but just taking into account the ones who are so insistent that any other ship must be wrong, I will detail the following… 

For people who have been in each other’s lives for a long time (I’m thinking 10+ years for these two), it isn’t out of the ordinary to talk about each other. I talk about the people in my close circle a fair amount, same with the people I know. It doesn’t need to imply a secret crush. And regarding their interactions, they often throw shade at each other. This is also interpreted in a romantic manner by many fans. If we look at this in a more positive light, I remember a guy player noting that their kind of interaction is similar to IRL male friendships. Guys dissing or making fun of each other with no deeper meaning to it. Bros being bros kind of thing. But if we look at it critically, I would say that a relationship where they’re arguing all the time… is not ideal. Like a commenter on Reddit said something that stood out to me, that Kaveh just looks so stressed when he’s interacting with Haitham. 😅 Looking at it from this angle, it makes it difficult to romance the two ahahah (not because of a “problematic” aspect but rather because it isn’t fun watching them just constantly arguing and Kaveh being miserable from this). 

To digress a bit, my ideal Kaveh ships would be either Kaveh+Lumine or Kaveh+Nilou. The former because Lumine in his hangout quest helps him a lot, like helping him deal with his past and with many of his issues. Also I like the idea of Kaveh accompanying Lumine during her travels, nice way to keep her company. 😁 And for KavehLou their romantic+artsy personalities and their shared cultural connection!!! I feel like Kaveh would legit treat Nilou like a goddess ahahah and Nilou would definitely cheer him up when he’s struggling, and both of them have super good vibes so it’s 💯 green flags all around. I also want to see them celebrate Nowruz together… ahahah. 

And this kind of ties into my next point that because of the whole shippy thing, Kaveh is rarely seen as his own character. This is evident when you look up his name on Twitter. Most of it will be him with Haitham; the fandom treats him like he is Haitham’s add-on. For comparison, when I look up my other fave Scaramouche/Wanderer, I actually get art of JUST him. Not with Kazuha, Childe, or even Lumine. Just straight up Scara. Kaveh doesn’t get this solo treatment because much of the fandom just sees him as an extension of Haitham. The thing is that Kaveh is one of the most human and relatable characters in the game: he wants to be a good person, yet he does struggle with having his own personality flaws. He has financial struggles that he’s barely clawing his way out of. If we disregard his genius and extraordinary academic record, I think most people could see themselves in him. In other words, I’d say that he is a very solid character. I think it’s about high time we give him his own chance to shine, without feeble scholar getting in his way ahahah (no shade to you, Alhaitham !). Let Kaveh be his own person!

And another point I would like to make, it is something that is of interest to me because it does involve different cultural perspectives. Kaveh is commonly interpreted as “feminine.” There is no shame in being a feminine man. However, the basis of this interpretation is 1) his appearance and 2) his expressive behavior. Regarding his appearance, I think it is because he styles himself in a particular manner that people automatically assume he is “___-coded.” To address this, I’ve seen Iranian Genshin players explain that historically, it wasn’t uncommon for Iranian men to wear jewelry, dress flamboyantly, and enjoy the fine arts. But to outsiders’ eyes, doing these makes him “less of a man.” It is like how some male k-pop idols are seen as “girly” or even “gay” by many in the West, but for women in many east+southeast Asian societies they are perfectly acceptable men. Just that when they see him as “feminine” it often verges into fetishization territory… I’ll try not to play pixel activism here, but ngl it gets really gross and weird at times. A few weeks ago I had the misfortune of laying my eyes upon a Haitham+Kaveh fanart where Kaveh was basically (sorry for the description in advance) Haitham’s belly dancer/slave?? Of course fanartists have the freedom to draw whatever they want but this image was pretty much a symptom of how the fandom views Kaveh. 🙁 Even one of the well-known Iranian Genshin enjoyers called this out as fetishistic and orientalist (the latter term is often thrown around with regard to Sumeru, but I think that this instance actually warranted its use). 

In addition to his appearance, Kaveh is a very emotionally expressive man. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Because of this, this further contributes to fans thinking of him as “girly.” So I guess men aren’t “real men” if they are open with their emotions, if we go by the logic of the fandom? Haitham and other characters seen as “masculine” e.g. Diluc and Childe are given the “masculine” treatment because they demonstrate far more restraint with their emotions, while Kaveh gets the “uwu I’m a lil bbygirl in need of saving” treatment simply because he doesn’t hold back when it comes to his feelings. So from this there’s like so much stuff of him as “ohhh submissive prettyboy 🥺🥺🥺” instead of taking into account other aspects of his personality, like he could actually be assertive especially when dealing with annoying clients. It does him a true disservice…

I feel that I’m missing many more points that I’ve considered before, if I ever remember them I will probably send them in… I hope it does not come off as some sort of crusade call, but rather just an outpouring of thoughts. And hopefully this is a decently entertaining read ^^;;;;

WELCOME BACK!!! I have been waiting for your lovely essay on how Kaveh gets done dirty by the fandom, and it made me so happy to see you and I share a lot of opinions in common on this! (That's a lot of text though. I don't mind the length at all, but I'm surprised the word limit let you hahaha)

To your amazing analysis, I respond to you with an essay of my own.

I completely agree with your points that people who have known each other for a long time would naturally have a lot to say about each other. Even if they haven't known each other for long, when people live in close quarters together, they definitely have things to say about one another, especially negative ones. The bickering Kaveh and Alhaitham have is expected since they're roommates, and on top of that, roommates that had a falling out as friends. Their relationship is a bit strained since neither wants to admit they were wrong in the past due to their pride.

I work 5 days a week with a coworker of mine, and I have a lot to say about her because we work closely together. Does that mean I'm romantically attracted to her? No, not at all. Quite the opposite. Unfortunately, this logic doesn't apply to fiction quite so easily, and I'll cover why in a bit.

The point about them acting like real-life guy friends is also very true, although I think their relationship fits a sitcom more closely. I know someone who said Kaveh and Haitham's relationship reminds them of Leonard and Sheldon's from The Big Bang Theory. Two guys living together, constantly bickering and throwing shade, but caring about one another deep down.

Lord, I can write a whole separate essay on why I think Kaveh and Alhaitham don't work as a romantic couple, but I won't do that here. This post is already gonna be long. Maybe another time.

However, I do want to say that while you make excellent points on how Kaveh and Haitham's relationship isn't inherently romantic, there is a very big BUT to all this. And that's Mihoyo.

As an anime game developer, Mihoyo knows all about the anime community. After all, the founders were all otakus, they know what kind of audience they have. They know what is popular, and what's popular is BL. There is not a single excuse anyone can give me that can convince me otherwise that Mihoyo didn't know exactly what they were doing when they wrote Kaveh and Haitham to be roommates. They didn't have to write them to live together. They didn't have to write all the extra dialogue where they mention each other. They didn't have to do the matching key idles, the references to the other in their birthdays, or introduce Kaveh through Alhaitham TWICE. They knew how their audience will interpret their dynamic, they had the option to structure it differently, but they still went through with it. It was deliberate.

Kaveh was introduced with Haitham, and ever since, they have consistently been shown together. It's as if they are literally glued to each other. Can't go a single birthday, event, quest, or otherwise without the other being present in some way. It is all intentional. Their interactions and cameos carry intent behind them that shippers pick up on, and that intent is to appeal to their group. So while it's erroneous to claim that Kaveh and Haitham are canonically in a romantic relationship the way a lot of toxic shippers are doing, there is a good reason why they think so. Mihoyo is actively encouraging this mindset by not allowing either character to shine on their own, but rather as a pair because they know this appeals to a subsection of their fanbase, and a large one at that.

As for your Kaveh ships, I agree 100%! Lumine is a good choice for sure (I say this as a kavelumi shipper *gets shot*), and while I don't ship it, I understand the reasoning behind Kavelou, and think it's cute. Nilou would be a really good influence on Kaveh. He always laments about how nobody understands his passion for the arts, but Nilou would. They're both artists that are trying to eke their own path in a society that doesn't appreciate art. Nilou, as you mentioned, would cheer him up, and I think Kaveh would also find peace of mind through her dancing. Kaveh needs someone optimistic and kind like Nilou.

While we're on the topic of Kaveh ships, I would also like to suggest my own that I really like. Kaveh x Candace. Please don't shoot me. Candace is strict and no-nonsense, so she wouldn't let Kaveh get away with constantly self-sabotaging himself. And unlike Haitham, she is gentle and almost motherly, so she'd be more successful in getting through to Kaveh and soothing him. Or so I like to think. Kaveh would also help her see the outside world more, maybe have her accompany him through the desert and show her beautiful sights she'd never see by staying cooped up in her village. Plus, he's literally helping to construct a library for her village! There is so much potential for them to bond over Aaru village yet Hoyo keeps pushing the same relationships, I am so tired-

But of course, for me, the best ship of all will forever be Kaveh x You/Reader. On my blog, every guy I write for loves you, and only you. Please don't kill me.

Carrying on, you are right in that Kaveh isn't seen as his own person. You'd be hard-pressed to find (popular) art of him that doesn't imply Haitham in there somewhere. Is it so surprising, though, when even the game developer treats them as a package deal?

I feel you, it's a pity. Kaveh's character is very complex and one of the most realistic. When I read his backstory, I couldn't help but think as if someone in Mihoyo put a part of themselves in his character. The struggles he goes through are realistic, painfully so, even. I've also seen lots of artists say they relate to Kaveh. He has so much to explore about him, but I fear that outside of the Darshan event and his hangout, we'll never get to see more.

Okay, so. I have mentioned before on this blog how I am annoyed at how Kaveh is viewed as feminine and submissive due to his appearance and emotional nature. You've already touched on all the points, so excuse me for sounding like a broken record, but I have A LOT to say about this.

There is nothing wrong with being feminine. There is nothing wrong with being a feminine man. What is wrong, however, is associating femininity with submission.

Kaveh has traits that are often associated with femininity, which, as you pointed out, are his neat and pretty looks and emotional expressiveness (the bit about Iranian men traditionally wearing jewelry is super interesting, btw. I didn't know, so this was enlightening!). To this, I also want to add that lots of people think he acts like a nagging wife with Alhaitham. That's basically all it takes for people to slap him with the "feminine" label, and treat him as if he's a submissive, blushy, uwu bbgurl I want to delete this term from existence

I know that men the West views as "feminine/girly" are often popular among women in Asia, and it really just comes down to culture and a matter of taste. I share their taste in men because I also find K-Pop idols and smooth-faced, slim anime guys more attractive than muscular and rugged men, and by no means do I think they're girly. But alas, each culture has expectations for how men and women are supposed to look and act, and it's led to more harm than good.

It's also unfortunate that Kaveh gets compared to Alhaitham a lot. Alhaitham is what one would call traditionally masculine. Muscular, stoic, reserved, aloof, etc... But especially the muscular part. Kaveh isn't muscular, and as we saw in the Darshan event, isn't athletic. This difference in physique is also a reason people call him feminine. I saw someone say (in a shipping context) that they prefer Kaveh to be submissive because Alhaitham is taller and bigger than him. Nothing wrong with wanting a sub Kaveh, but I find this reasoning very flawed. Fetishistic, if you will.

And yes, the "one man is a dom/top while the other is a sub/bottom" mentality follows a lot of BL ships. People literally fight with each other over who they believe should be the top or bottom. There are even specific emojis for it. Don't know why people are so hung up about who tops or who bottoms, but what do I know. I don't understand the appeal of BL at all 🫤

Gosh, I'm sorry you had to see that belly dancer art... I once saw a ship art where Kaveh wore a wedding dress while Haitham wore a suit. It wasn't a silly context, either, but a serious and romantic one. I really dislike seeing art of Kaveh being feminine or acting submissive because that's not him at all.

Please look at this official art. Look at how Kaveh casually stuffs his hand in his pocket, at how he sits with his legs spread wide without a care in the world, at how he slings Mehrak over his shoulder. Look at how confidently and casually he carries himself. His body language screams "masculine".

Kaveh is confident, prideful, assertive, bold... I could go on. These are also traits usually associated with men. I mean, look at how he talks about one of his seniors in his hangout!

He's got quite the mouth and a temper.

He's not shy, far from it, actually. He's not submissive. He's not a dainty damsel in distress than needs someone stronger to help him, because in actuality, he's resourceful and intelligent.

Kaveh is self-assured in his masculinity. Sure, he's not a big, buff man, and he wears his heart on his sleeve, but that doesn't make him less of a man or weak. Maybe physically a bit, but I don't think he's below average in terms of strength. He makes up for it with his smarts and invents things to circumvent his shortcomings. This part of him gets overlooked, because he gets compared to Alhaitham. It doesn't help that the two are always seen together lately.

In my humble opinion, Kaveh is more of a dom than Alhaitham will ever be. Haitham gives me vibes of being someone who's too lazy to put in the work in bed, so he'd rather lie back and let his partner lead. Meanwhile, Kaveh isn't afraid to go after what he wants, and will pamper his partner.

In conclusion, you are very right about everything. If Mihoyo wasn't purposely throwing ship crumbs at every opportunity, then Kaveh potentially wouldn't have had his character assassinated by the fandom. Every character gets mischaracterized to some degree (I weep for Childe), but unlike most, Kaveh's mischaracterization is largely in part due to shipping.

Apologies for the massive tangent. I had a lot of fun reading your analysis and mentally screaming "YES! YES! SHE GETS IT! I'm not the only one!", so thank you for sending this in. Don't worry, it was very well put-together, probably better than my rambling. I found out some new points, and had a few of mine validated, so feel free to send another essay if you think of more things. I love deep and thoughtful discussions like these haha!

[animentality]

not to be such a boomer, but I think chatgpt is fucking this generation over, at least in terms of critical thinking and creative skills.

I get that it's easy to use and I probably would've used it if I was in school when it came out.

but damn.

y'all can't just write a fucking email?

also people using it to write essays ... i mean what is the point then?

are you gaming the educational system in pursuit of survival, or are you just unwilling to engage critically with anyone or anything?

is this why media literacy is so fucking ass right now?

learning how to write is learning how to express yourself and communicate with others.

you might not be great at it, but writing can help you rearrange the ideas in your brain. the more you try to articulate yourself, the more you understand yourself. all skills can be honed with time, and the value is not in the product. it's in the process.

it's in humans expressing their thoughts to others, in an attempt to improve how we do things, by building upon foundations and evolving old ideas into innovation.

scraping together a mush of ideas from a software that pulls specific, generic phrases from data made by actual humans... what is that going to teach you or anyone else?

it's just old ideas being recycled by a new generation.

a generation I am seriously concerned about, because digital tests have made it very easy to cheat, which means people aren't just throwing away their critical thinking and problem solving abilities, but foundational knowledge too.

like what the hell is anyone going to know in the future? you don't want to make art, you don't want to understand how the world works, you don't want to know about the history of us?

is it because we all know it's ending soon anyway, or is it just because it's difficult, and we don't want to bother with difficult?

maybe it's both.

but. you know what? on that note, maybe it's whatever.

fuck it, right, let's just have an AI generate "therefore" "in conclusion" and "in addition" statements followed by simplistic ideas copy pasted from a kid who actually wrote a paper thirty years ago.

if climate change is killing us all anyway, maybe generative ai is a good thing.

maybe it'll be a digital archive of who we used to be, a shambling corpse that remains long after the consequences of our decisions catch up with us.

maybe it'll be smart enough to talk to itself when there's no one left to talk to.

it'll talk to itself in phrases we once valued, it'll make art derived from people who used to be alive and breathing and feeling, it'll regurgitate our best ideas in an earnest but hollow approximation of our species.

and it'll be the best thing we ever made. the last thing too.

I don't really believe in fate or destiny, I think all of this was a spectacular bit of luck, but that's a poetic end for us.

chatgpt does poetry.

[merakiui]

OHSHC AU where reader breaks a precious arrifact from one of the dorms maybe all but instead of repaying the huggeeee debt with hours of labour she has to pay with her body and can’t refuse :)

every kink in the book is used as she’s pleading with the dorm leaders for mercy, crying about forgiveness but all they can hear is that her mouth is very wide open and needs to be replaced with a cock or gag </3 poor reader doesn’t have time to take birth control! and none of the students at nrc know what condoms are oopsies!! imagine savanaclaw in their heat … oh boy rip her pussy! she’ll never know a peaceful day until graduation but even then one of the dorm leaders might take her with them to spend forever with them

Omg yes,,, ohshc au, but it's freaky and full of sex because those scheming boys now have a girl in their debt and that opens so many possibilities. Their methods in dealing with you would all be different, of course, but in the end you're probably getting dicked down either way. <3

I think Riddle's punishments are probably more old-fashioned. If you can't fix whatever it is you broke, then you will write lines stating that you will be more careful, that you won't break anything again, etc. Or he'll make you write an essay detailing why exactly you're sorry, why you ought to be forgiven, etc. T_T really, these are just punishments his own mother gave to him in order to push him to do better in his studies. Riddle doesn't know any better.

He thinks differently when someone like Ace or Cater offhandedly and jokingly remarks how unlucky you must feel. Good thing their Housewarden isn't some pervert, otherwise he could totally force you to give him blowjobs whenever he wanted all under the guise of "repaying your debt." Riddle is appalled. He would never stoop so low! This is Heartslabyul, not Octavinelle. >:( still, the basic concept is just a little appealing. So maybe he's got a small crush on you, and maybe it would be easier to get you to spend time with him if you had no other choice. He makes you join him for tea parties in the gardens, for games of croquet, etc. His hope is that you'll warm up to him and not feel so rigid around him. orz

Leona probably doesn't care as much about the artifact as someone like Riddle might. It has no sentimental value to him personally, so why should he be worried? Besides, it was pretty old anyway. But that doesn't mean you can get off completely innocent. You're the reason he's got more work on his plate now, what with having to deal with the Headmage squawking at him about it. He allows you to choose between two punishments: either you become Savanaclaw's errand girl and do much the same work Ruggie does around the dorm, or you spend every night literally warming his bed (i.e. let him use you as a pillow if you're going to be good and still and quiet). If you want an easy way out, you'll choose the latter. Besides, his bed is comfortable, big enough for two. And as long as you aren't a pain, he doesn't mind. (You are definitely going to be warming his bed in other ways. The innuendo in his words is not lost on Leona.)

Azul...... of course he's slimy and sleazy about it. Oh, you poor soul. How is he ever going to get over this dear, priceless artifact that you have so carelessly broke? Jade is there to oh-so-helpfully inform you of its market price and what it could currently go for if sold. And Floyd's there to poke fun at the unfortunate predicament you've found yourself in. But Azul is a resourceful octopus. He makes a grand show of contemplating what he should do with you just to watch you squirm nervously, as if he hasn't already planned it out from the very beginning. He'll capitalize on your being a girl and have you work the floor in the lounge. There's always an increase in tips and sales when you're serving the customers, and why wouldn't there be? A cute, helpless girl in a school full of boys is an appealing sight.

He's irritating, but he isn't callous! Jade and Floyd are there to look out for you in case any of the patrons get it in their heads that they ought to appreciate you through touch instead of simply staring. Your uniforms change with every new event Mostro Lounge holds. Azul knows his target audience well because he also fits into that same group LOL. So maybe the sight of you in frilly uniforms is appealing. Sue him. >_< he wants you so badly, and luckily (with you being indebted to him) he has you all to himself. :) after hours are a very fun time at the lounge.

Kalim doesn't see what the issue is. He's not mad, so please don't cry!!! 🥺 you'll make him cry if you're not happy... Jamil is just about ready to pass out while he calculates just how bad this is. And here Kalim is, not caring in the slightest! T_T but Kalim is more sympathetic towards you, not the vase you broke. Besides, he can just get another one. :D no harm done at all! There really isn't any punishment to be had. If you insist on repaying your debt, Kalim tells you it's all water under the bridge.

Jamil is the only one who insists this is a good idea, and if Jamil thinks it's fine then Kalim agrees. So now you're sort of,,, there in Scarabia. Jamil puts you to work when Kalim isn't around, but when Kalim is there he spoils you rotten. The complete opposite of a punishment. There's definitely dubious shadows to this, though. For all of the delicious foods and alcohol you consume, you wake with hazy memories, only ever recalling you looked into the eyes of...something before you fell. Was it a snake? Maybe... but Kalim is always there in the morning to smother you in affection, so maybe it's not so bad.

You are Vil's newest pet project. He goes in with metaphorical fork and knife and cuts into you with his criticism, all of which is completely valid. You were clumsy when you broke that artifact. You weren't paying attention to your surroundings. You were completely oblivious, so in your own world. Epel would feel bad for you, but finally he gets to relax just a little bit now that Vil's eyes are mostly off of him and centered on you. Vil is going to put you through a reformation of sorts. You will come out of it your best, most elegant self! A wonderful improvement from your earlier carelessness. Only then will he forgive your previous transgression.

You and Vil get on like oil and water. That is, you don't mix at all. You are subjected to curses left and right because Vil is so strict. Suddenly, you can't eat certain foods and if you try to sneak them you find they've all been cursed (courtesy of Vil). If you try to slack on the work he has you do, even when you know he's not around, somehow word gets back to Vil. That creepy hunter always seems to know everything you do even when you're alone. It's troubling. Vil likes to think his heart is an iron fortress, so it's impossible to fathom when he falls for you first (and so hopelessly, at that)!

Idia doesn't put as much value in that artifact as he does in his own anime collection. If you broke something from his collection that was limited edition, he'd be far more upset (and then proceed to pull out the second one he got as back-up for this very specific moment). But this is an easy fix, really. He has the technology to make it good as new and, if that can't be done, he can always build a new one. Upgrades are important and necessary in some cases, especially when things get too outdated. It's a little awkward having a real 3D girl in his room all the time, though. >_< kick his ass in the twst equivalent of Smash and he's looking at you in a completely different light (hearing you trash talk him is so arousing; he's never been more hard).

Let's say the thing you broke in this case was a gargoyle. You're not sure how it happened, but it's headless now and Malleus is just staring silently at you. You can't read the emotions on his face, but with the way Sebek is shouting at you to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness you think you're about to be burnt to a crisp. It's so uneasy and awkward, and all you can do is apologize profusely, insisting you didn't mean to break it. It's Lilia who comes to your rescue: "Now, now, Malleus. You'll scare the poor child if you keep frowning so. Mistakes happen, do they not?" Silver also comes to your aid, adding that it wasn't your intention to break this gargoyle. It was an accident.

So now here you are, the second member of the Gargoyle Studies Club, accompanying Malleus for club activities while he teaches you all about gargoyles so that you can gain a better appreciation for them. It was Lilia's idea in the first place. He is Malleus's unofficial wingman. One way or another, you're going to find yourself alone in the woods with Malleus while Lilia is in the bushes belting out "romantic" love ballads from the old ages. T_T someone put peepaw to bed... at the very least, it lessens the awkward tension between you and Malleus, and it even gets the both of you laughing.

[wheelie-sick]

I wanted to ask if I could get your personal opinion on cochlear implants as a deaf person? I'm writing an essay for my ASL class and it's really hard to find opinions about them from the deaf community. I'm very sorry if asking this is rude, you have every right to decline responding to this. Thank you for your time

okay finally getting to this ask

I have a really complicated opinion because on one hand I think the technology is really freeing for a lot of deaf people but on the other they are killing the deaf community.

cochlear implants in and of themselves are neutral technology. in a perfect world there would be no controversy because they would truly be neutral. unfortunately that is not this world. cochlear implants are used to rip deaf people (and in particular, deaf children) away from their community.

all deaf people have a right to the Deaf community, by being deaf they belong to our world.

when a baby is born deaf the first thing an audiologist will suggest is a cochlear implant. they give the suggestion in a way that implies, and sometimes outright states, that a cochlear implant will give the baby a "normal" childhood. they focus on how easy it will be for the people around that baby. no one will have to learn a sign language, no one will have to adapt their life to fit this deaf baby inside of it. the first problem comes in when cochlear implants are not magic devices that allows a person to be just like a hearing person. with a cochlear implant someone will still need a deaf life because cochlear implants are imperfect.

no one with a cochlear implant will ever live the exact same life as a hearing person. when a child grows up with parents who act like a cochlear implant is a perfect fix that child grows up traumatized by a world of people they cannot keep up with. that child grows up feeling like they are the problem for not having the same experience of hearing as everyone around them.

cochlear implant surgeries are serious surgeries which carry risks like meningitis. cochlear implants cannot be given to toddlers with consent. a toddler can't decide whether they want to risk the extensive number of complications because they are 9 months old (the age at which cochlear implants can be given to a child) parents are rarely informed of these risks and when they are they are told over and over again that this will give their child a "normal" life, an "easy" life. I have less of an issue with cochlear implants when it is a teenager or adult making the decision for themself. cochlear implant surgeries are optional, they are not medically necessary. why are we doing risky surgeries on unconsenting toddlers without a medical reason?

with all that said, cultural genocide is the true heart of the issue. audiologists push cochlear implants instead of sign language and connection to the Deaf community. they encourage parents not to raise their child in the community. they discourage Deaf school, they discourage connection with other deaf children, audiologists want an end to the Deaf community and Deaf culture. these children are not being raised bilingual-bicultural they are being denied their rightful place within the Deaf community. they are being damned to a life of isolation, a life of constantly falling behind, a life where they will never truly be accepted because society hates a deaf person with a cochlear implant just as much as they hate a deaf person without.

if that child ever decides later in life that they want connection with the Deaf community? they are behind. they once again cannot quite keep up. oralist childhoods created isolated deaf people, deaf people who have no home in either world.

the Deaf community may welcome second language signers but it is not the same as being a native signer. it is not the same as having the deep rooted connections with the community that are created by growing up within it.

I still respect the decision of deaf teens and adults to get cochlear implants. they are capable of making a choice for themself. deaf teens and adults often already have the social safety net of the Deaf community. I believe bi-bi upbringings for children can be beneficial though I have my own issues with giving any toddler a cochlear implant. I think that bi-bi childhoods are a good compromise and give deaf children access to both worlds. I don't have a problem with deaf children living in both worlds because they still have access to the Deaf community. I wish cochlear implants existed in a world that valued Deaf culture. I wish cochlear implants existed in a world where they were not a tool of cultural genocide. cochlear implants are not the problem, society is.

[ticklygiggles]

hii! for the drabble event, could you please do a reader x scaramouche (genshin) one for me please 🙏 romantic one! thank you so much if you do it!💕💕

[You & I Event - entries closed!]

A/N: first drabble (that turned into a fic skskdk), from this event! I hope you enjoy this! I love Scara so so much I'm dying dkfkfkg

This was highly inspired by that event where Nahida forces Scaramouche to study in the Akademiya and that she'll personally revise his thesis!

Words: 1.5k

Rumor has it that the new Vahumana scholar was dating someone. 

Everyone at the Six Darshans knew about the new student: Hat Guy—ah, no, Scaramouche.

Men and women were crazy about his handsome face and his terrifying intelligence. Scaramouche could write up to three essays of many several pages in a single day on extremely complex topics that even Vahumana's seniors were not able to fully understand.

He was a reserved person and limited himself to speaking only when necessary. He was constantly seen in the library with his nose buried in a book. He wasn't sociable, and his humor wasn't the brightest, so when rumors of Scaramouche having found a mate began to roam the halls of Vahumana, everyone was curious as to who had stolen such a complex person’s heart. 

Were they a student from the Akademiya too? Were they in the same classes as him? Was it a man or a woman? 

They all wanted to know the truth behind all these rumors, but there was no way in all Teyvat that any of them would dare ask Scaramouche directly. So the rumor that Scaramouche was seeing someone would remain a mystery to everyone. 

But of course, there was someone who knew all about it. 

"Ugh, would you stop staring at me? I'm trying to focus here, you're being annoying."

You giggled, looking back at your own book. Scaramouche's mysterious partner was no other but you. One more student of Vahumana who was lucky enough to catch the attention of someone like Hat Guy. It would be a lie if you said that you had not fallen for him long before your classmates relationship turned into a romantic one, but to think Scaramouche would also feel attracted to you… well, that was something you were not expecting. 

"You're doing it again!"

You laughed, "I'm sorry," you said, smiling brightly. "You're just so pretty, I can't help but stare." 

Scaramouche made a face that had you laughing again.

"You're so weird, why am I even dating you?" 

"Because I have a great personality and I love you nicely?" 

Scaramouche huffed, but by the pink hue appearing over his ears it was more than evident that you were right. 

"Let me finish my thesis," he mumbled shyly.

Your boyfriend was not hard to love, he was actually quite easy to read for you. You could know what he wanted and needed at any time because, even though he had a big brain for school work, he was terrible at expressing his own feelings, good thing he had you. 

"I think we should take a break."

"Not now."

"You are tired though," you said, closing your book. "And perhaps a little hungry, and maybe also thirsty?" You watched with great pleasure as Scaramouche's pencil halted for a second before he continued to scribble here and there, you smirked. "Maybe also… in need of cuddles?"

"I have to finish this thesis soon," he growled, completely avoiding your eyes and clearing his throat. "You can go and eat and drink and… whatever you want to do, by yourself.”

You chuckled. His painfully shy personality towards you always warmed your heart. He truly was not hard to love, on the contrary, you knew, even though he was still reluctant to tell you about his past, that he needed love. So desperately so, if you dared to say. And you thanked the Dendro Archon in every chance you had for his existence.

But he didn’t need to know that, you thought, his face would probably explode if you dared to tell him about your little prayers. 

You giggled, leaning in closer to him, arms touching. “I’d be very bored if you’re not there with me, though,” you said, blushing yourself when his ears turned red. “I also think that you should rest. We’ve been working nonstop since morning, isn’t it dark outside already?”

Scaramouche turned his head to look outside the window. It was indeed dark already. 

“... I have to finish,” he insisted and you rolled your eyes fondly.

“You can finish,” you said, hugging his arm and expecting him to push you away but he didn’t. “I will help you as much as I can and as much as you allow me, but we need to take a break, otherwise you’re going to tire yourself and you will not be able to work, hmm?”

Scaramouche wasn’t writing anymore, he was listening to you carefully, his fair cheeks glowing beautifully red, you resisted the urge to kiss them. 

“Or should I make you take a rest?”

He perked a little at that and he finally turned to look at you. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, trying to appear intimidating to you, but all you wanted to do was kiss him. 

“What- What do you mean?” He said, cautious and just slightly nervous. 

“I don’t know, I have my methods,” you said, shrugging. “Unless you decide to take a rest, that is.”

Scaramouche looked at you intently, his eyes jumping from left to right, staring at your own orbs. His lips were slightly pursed in thought and his eyebrows almost touched in the middle from how hard he was frowning. You smiled brightly at him, making him jump slightly and turn his head back to his thesis. 

“I can’t. Let me work.”

You were not expecting him to agree and you could only giggle, leaning your head against his shoulder. It had to be the hard way, huh? Well, that was what he asked for. 

Silence reigned in the room once more. The sound of Scaramouche's book pages and his pencil writing rapidly seemed to echo against the walls of your room. It was a soft, relaxing sound, you felt like you could fall asleep at any moment, but no. None of you could sleep for now. Scaramouche seemed to be relaxed, his features had turned to his usual color and he seemed to lean in closer to you. 

This was the perfect chance. 

The jacket of his casual attire had fallen a bit off his shoulder because of you hugging his arm, so shifting a little, you placed a tender kiss to his bare skin. He shuddered slightly and made a little sound deep in his throat when you kissed his shoulder one more time and another and another. 

“Stop, I can’t focus if you’re- haah, w-wait, I- ahahahaha! Gehehet your hahahands ohohoff!”

Success! Between tender kisses that made his skin prickle with goosebumps, Scaramouche had failed to notice both your hands sneaking under his arm, fingers wiggling against his armpit, tickling him nicely. He had also failed to try to hold his laugh back, and now that sweet sound filled your ears making you smile brightly.

"Stahahap tihihihis instahahant!" 

"Sure thing! Tell me, are we going to eat first or just walk around for a bit?"

Scaramouche shook his head and he tried to talk, but his words got lost between his loud cackles. Ah, how could he be so ticklish, you wondered. He simply didn't look like the ticklish type, but there he was cackling with his head thrown back as he tried to squirm away from you. 

"You can't talk? Does it tickle too badly?" Scaramouche nodded. "I'm just tickling one armpit, though, should I get the other one?"

"NOAHAHAHA!"

"Ah! So you can talk, silly boyfriend of mine!" You said playfully, your fingers unstoppable. "Tell me, are we going to continue working like this?"

Even though he was nearly laughing his head off, Scaramouche stubbornly refused to let you win this, but that was okay, you were not one to give up either. 

Smirking against his shoulder, one of your hands pulled out from under his arm and quickly sneaked under the leg of his shorts, your fingers easily finding that tender spot that always drove him up the wall. 

"OKAHAHAY!" Scaramouche shrieked, his knees hitting against the desk when he brought them up. "Fine! FIHIHINE! Nohohot thehehere, PLEHEHEASE!" 

You giggled, your cheeks pink. "So are we going to-

"EHEHEHAHT! Wehehehe'll eat fihihirst!"

"Very well!"

As quickly and surprisingly your attack had started, it finished, causing Scaramouche to collapse against his chair, giggling softly and twitching a little. You grinned, leaning to kiss his flushed cheek.

"Hmm, what would you like to eat? I kind of want-" You couldn't finish, all words got sealed in your mouth when Scaramouche pressed his lips against yours, giving you a tender kiss that made you feel like you had reached Celestia. 

You cupped his cheeks and he shyly wrapped his arms around waist as he kissed you and kissed you and kissed you.

When you both pulled apart, breathless and flushed, your eyes met and a giggle made its way out from your lips, making him smile softly. 

"Maybe we should do the cuddling first."

"Hmph," he said, closing his eyes. "If that is what you want, I guess it's okay."

You chuckled. Ah, he was so easy to love and you were so lucky to be loved back by him. 

[unreadpoppy]

bg3, infographics, misogyny and you

Preface: this is a long ass post that I wrote some many weeks ago, and that because of some stuff I've seen, I'm compelled to finally post it. It's very like a spurn of the moment thing, not extremely well thoght out but I still think it's relevant.

.

Recently, a few people have posted some, in my opinion, really insightful infographics showing the difference in content to how many works (in AO3) there are to the female characters vs the male characters of BG3 and I've been thinking about how it relates to fandom in general, but also...everything.

As a quick rundown, what happens is: almost all of the female characters have a lot less content when compared to their male counterparts (at least writing wise). And I think this is a great moment to stop and think on why is that.

There's a lot of point to begin with but I want to begin with something larger and that is the society most of us are raised in. Obviously, I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's fair to say that most people grew up in places that had its fair share of sexism and give it or take, that does shape how we view the world.

I'll speak from my own experience. Even thought I had a mostly liberal upbriging, I went to a very conservative school and when I was growing up, I saw a lot of videos on youtube that anaylized media in what i can only describe as "god forbid women do anything". Video after video, I saw people commenting on how x female character was a mary sue, how she made no sense and ruined the plot, so many video essays on the """strong female character trope"""" that would end up just enforcing gender roles again. And I'll be honest, this DID affect how viewed female characters.

The best example I can give of this is with bg3 itself. There was one day that I stopped and realized that Minthara was the first time I ever obsessed over a fem character as much as any male character. And the second thought I had after this was 'oh my god why???'

Why did I always cater more to the male characters than I did to the female ones, when most of the times, I liked a lot as well?

I'd like to point out that I've seen the topic of "Most fic authors are cis straight women" being brought up a lot and frankly, I'm not the biggest fan of it. First, because I think it's overall a very...heteronormative way of seeing stuff and it's assuming a lot of stuff that puts a sour taste on my mouth (as a queer woman myself, I really don't like that implication but that's on me). Second, because saying that 'obviously women are going to write more about men' feels very...weird. Third, I just think that this argument fails to really question the why of it all and gives too simple an answer to something is anything but.

One can make the argument that these female characters are written differently than the men, and yes that is true and it's even historical (I wrote a whole project on the invisibility of women in theater through the ages and a lot of it has to do with how women were written, but that's a story for another time).

But I don't think that's true for all cases. It's easy to blame an imaginary writer's room than question that you might have internal biases.

Because at least it's what happened to me. I grew up hearing how female characters were inferior to the male characters and it affected how I viewed them. It's something I had to stop and reevalute and it led me to appreciate characters I once loathed.

And it sucks to realize that. It sucks to realize that even as a woman myself, I was not immune to commiting sexism, that I hadn't fully outgrown the shit I saw as a kid. Does that make me a bad person? No. You're not to blame for being raised in a way that leads you to have certain prejudices.

But it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it.

And no, the solution is not to suddenly go write a bunch of femslash. Because no one is saying that you should feel ashamed for writing more for men, or forcing you to like female characters. But, I ask you to do something much simpler.

Think on the why. Why, even when we love female characters, we don't show them as much love as we do to the male ones. Why we might feel more compelled to write for the men than for the women. Because sometimes it's questioning ourselves that we can find something about us we didn't know and change how we engage with media.

And you can brush this off as just fandom stuff, but I think it does, in some ways, also reflect a bit on how we act as whole as a society. Hell, writing this whole thing made me think of how the way I was raised still interferes with my own sexuality (which is a very personal topic for me to get on here but it was worth mentioning). What I'm trying to say is that sometimes something small is an easier way for us to understand the bigger, systemic issues around us.

I know that it sounds like there's nothing to be done cause fandoms have always been like this. But, personally, this sort of conformity to the norm causes more harm then good. Things won't change unless you decide to do something about it. And the good thing about fandom is that it's small enough that doing literally anything can create some impact than, I don't know, trying to solve big, real life societal issues.

This is getting long so I'm gonna try to wrap this up quickly. No one is shaming you if you write or obsesses more or even care more about male characters than you do female ones. I just ask you to think about it and be honest with yourself. Because then maybe, just maybe, next time you engage with another media, you might end up enjoying a female character much more and obsessing over them just as much.

[actuallyadhd]

ok so i want to know if that's just a me thing or a neurodivergent thing that more people experience. why can i only write the middle part of an essay? like, i can't write a somewhat decent introduction or conclusion to save my life. it was always a problem for me at school and it's even worse in college. what can i do?

apologies if that was a bit weird. i was diagnosed recently and i'm finding out SO many habits and traits i've always had are actually adhd, so it's a new yet very familiar thing too.

have a great day/night :)

Sent August 23, 2023

Writing can be really difficult for ADHDers, because of course there's this expectation that essays follow a linear thought progression and we don't necessarily follow the same kind of linear process that neurotypicals do.

When I'm not sure what a paper needs to include, I like to look at examples to make sure I get everything in the right order. For a scientific paper, it's easy enough to check a related journal article to see what the structure is and how they approach introductions and conclusions. It can be harder to find examples for personal essays, but there are books of essays that you can look at.

You might also like to check out your school's writing centre or disability services office. My university had both, and at the writing centre you could get tutoring in writing so that you could learn how to write at the level expected for university. (I didn't do the tutoring, I challenged with a writing test and didn't do well enough, so I had to take two English courses. I did really well in my courses and I am actually a good writer, the test was just timed and basically I had to turn in my rough draft no matter how poorly organized it was. And I wasn't great at the organization part for the type of essay I had to write for the test.)

Followers, do you struggle with writing essays for school? Which part is the hardest for you?

-J

[itriedwritingandhereiam]

Was writing a pettynette fic after bingeing the entire available fic population for it and I ended up trying to comment on the characterisation of characters in salt fics in the a/n and it turned into an essay so I decided to post it here.

I understand Miraculous is a kids show. I do! But as someone who's been watching the damn thing since primary school, it's always frustrated me that the class was so gullible! Like, as someone who's lived through a class of 15-16 year olds, I can gaurantee that bullshit Lila spews ain't passing in a real classroom. Especially with teenage girls. Most of the time they can smell bullshit from a mile away.

But fiction is fiction I guess.

I've seen some amazing fics exploring the logic behind the character's decision int terms of the Lila situations and that's the only reason I let canon fly, it CAN be justified, with some effort and some far fetched but it still bothers me. I feel like making the lies a bit more subtle and toned down could greatly change the impact you know? When she's trying to isolate Marinette the class, do it slowly. Plant some seeds of doubt and water them. Don't go big, bold and accusatory with no preparation or build up.

Instead of "Why does she hate me? *sob* I can't believe she'd corner me in the bathroom and threaten me *sob*. How could she do this!"

why not,

"I just- I don't understand what it is about me she doesn't like you know? *gains a look of sympathy* I know she's your friend and she's really nice to you all but - did I do something to offend her? I don't understand," garnering sympathy points would get you everywhere.

At the same time,, Marinette could have handled that the situation a bit more gracefully. Yeah she was blinded by jealousy (At first) and that's what made it easy to just right off and dismiss what she was saying, because it was obvious she was feeling threatened. (Alya's reaction to Marinette revealing that Lila is a lying manipulator)

But even later, she kept acting rashly and throwing around the "She's lying!" thing and it was a hard to believe when they KNEW she had biases against Lila. Lila, who has a fantastical life, the 'attention' (notice the quote unquote) of Adrien and so many disabilities.

It's just so out of place for their oh-so considerate class president to just up and hate the girl.

(Although, that should have raised some suspicion, they were supposed to be smart), so I can't fault Marinette entirely.

It's just so interesting to see how fics combat the already canon events and even improve the happenings or deal with the fallout of either girl's actions.

Sometimes Lila wins (partially) and Marinette is ostracised, but usually the class gets their just desserts by the end. Sometimes the class gets corrupted and drive Marientte out(which I'd crazy but always entertaining, (I love Marientte transfers school-fics)) and everything gets the i-told-you-sos with some guilt tripping (maybe even repercussions) or not, depending on the tone of the plot. Sometimes they grow braincells and figure it out themselves. Always satisfying to see the guilt ( but sometimes they're portrayed as too proud to make amends and aton for behaviour)

One thing that always bothered me(but I eat it up anyway) is Adrien. Adrien's advice to Marinette comes from his own,fucked up little way of problem solving. He grew up in a household where he had no control or say in what happened in his own life, Hence the, "if I don't see the problem it doesn't exist/ ignore it long enough it'll go away" flavour of thinking. Now, funny enough I relate to this on a personal level which is why I feel attacked when Adrien is villainised for this poor piece of advice he gave. Yes, my boy is trying to keep the peace because he's not confrontational (ahem, selectively, I would like to note, theire is some hypocrisy in his actions later down though) and he has this unfortunate notion that since Marinette is strong enough to endure, she SHOULD endure. In canon, she runs with his advice, in fanon she (usually, not always) hates/dislikes him for it because it results in Lila getting away with her schemes and Marinette being painted as a jealous girl who feels threatened by Lila. Yes, it's wrong. Yes, people get hurt. But it's not entirely his fault. Unless his character is tweaked a bit. I'm talking about the fics that have him having his sunshine personality as a facade he uses for some semblance of normalcy. Or he's made into the toxic and possessive type. Then, shit on him all you want.

Yes, I absolutely love salt fics that follow that exact outline. But there is always a chance to enlighten the poor oblivious boy(if you're sticking with his canon, typically a bit brown nosed personality).

There was a fic a read that did this so masterfully, If I find a link, i'll drop it. She acknowledged that his advice was faulty, but she also considered that that was all he knew (see my previous statement) and found it in herself to forgive him for it (after he showed he was willing to atone/redeem himself)

I love salt fics though. No matter how much the characters are tweaked to fit the plot. That's the point of fan work, it's your own spin on the og plot so you have creative liberties.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Dark SBI Mafia AU because I reread yours, and I watch too much General Hospital.

Techno is a struggling college student. Not struggling with grades, oh no. He has perfect grades. All of the assigned work? Too easy. What he actually struggling with? Money.

His asshole parents wanted him to stay local for college, but he wasn't going to do that. He was destined for greatness. He was a shoe-in for an ivy league school. He did fencing as an extra curricular, he had perfect grades, he had written KILLER entrance essays. It was a done deal. He was leaving his podunk small town and going off to become the next great american author.

But all of his applications were rejected.

Techno was incredibly upset with himself, thinking he had somehow messed up. But, after doing a little "legal adjacent" searching, he finds out his parents used shady connections to get his college apps rejected.

Instead of getting mad and calling them on it, he quietly (and quickly) applies to a different school. Not ivy league, but still having a FANTASTIC writing program.

He gets in and he tells his parents he is going to a different college than the community college and they flip their lid. It's a huge argument and Techno stomps out of the house and goes to stay with his friend Skeppy.

He stays with Skeppy until he graduates, completely ignoring everytime his parents try to contact him. He's 18, they can't do shit to make him go home. Skeppy is a good friend, and applies to the same school that Techno did (and gets in). Techno never told his parents WHICH school he was accepted to, because he didn't want them to sabotage him. So, he and Skeppy get an apartment together the Fall that school starts.

Hence why Techno needs money. He didn’t get as much scholarship money as he needed because he applied late. He's a shoe in to get more grants next year, but this year is pretty slim.

So, he starts a little business of writing people's essays for them.

Doesn't matter the subject, level, or length, Techno will write your essay for you. He charges by the grade. Oh, you only have $70? I can't get you more than a C on that one, bud. Like, Techno is really only in college for the diploma. He already knows all this crap. It's honestly a little boring to him. But if he wants to get a doctorate, he has to play the game. And, if anything, all the writing is just more practice for Techno.

His teachers are none the wiser. It's not like it pings a plagerism scan. Techno is writing each one individually. How would they know?

Well, one teacher knows. Or, at least suspects. But he can't prove it.

Anyways, Techno is all about that money grind, which gets a little hard when Skeppy starts throwing parties in their apartment.

Skeppy is polite about it. He always tells Techno ahead of time that parties are happening. He makes sure everyone knows that Techno's room is a No-Go. And honestly, Techno ABSOLUTELY advertises his essay sells at these parties. At least, he does so before people get too drunk and loud, and then he quickly retreats to his room. He had splurged on soundproofing. It's much more quiet.

However, one night he stays out at the library late and when he fights his way through Skeppy's party to get to his room he sees someone sleeping in his bed.

Wait, not sleeping, passed out absolutely WASTED.

And the guy...looks almost exactly like Techno.

That's weird. Seems like the start to a bad horror film. But Techno is too tired to deal with this and tries to shake awake the jerk that's snoozing in his bed.

He doesn't get anywhere with that. The lanky bastard doesn't wake at all but GOSH does be sleep slap! Bruh. Techno doesn't have time for this. Techno finds the guys wallet and phone and pulls up the emergency contacts.

He calls the option labeled Dad. Screw this guy, hopefully he gets chewed out by his dad for underage drinking or something.

A person answers, sounding annoyed that Wilbur ditched family night.

"Uh, I have your son."

Silence, and then the guy on the other end starts the threats, asking for demands and Techno backpedals hard, telling him that Wilbur is just drunk passed out in his bed and someone needs to come grab him.

The voice on the other end is just like "Oh, oops. Okay, I'll come grab him."

Techno has to drag mostly unconscious drunk Wilbur through the party. The dude is fighting him with every step. Techno is getting a WORK OUT.

Techno finally makes it out of his apartment and sees a very shiny black car. A driver steps out and opens a back door. Techno was assuming that he was just going to drop Wilbur in there before a blonde man steps out.

The guy is kind of staring until Techno breaks the silence. The guy hurries forward to help. Wilbur mutters nonsense as Phil sets him in the back of the car.

Phil thanks Techno and Techno brushes it off as no big. Until Phil offers money and hey, Techno isn't going to say no to money. And the guy gives him, like, $2000 cash. Is that sketchy? Yes. Does Techno care? Nope.

They say their goodbyes and Techno walks back into the apartment, a little exhausted.

He doesn't notice Phil staring after him like a hawk, before climbing into the car.

Phil maneuvers Wilbur's head into his lap. He looks down at his son, his oldest son who was born a twin. Who's twin was stolen when they were only DAYS old, Phil preoccupied with helping his wife who had had a really traumatic birth.

A twin he had thought dead, the person who had stolen his son having spit that in his face when he had slit their throat.

Phil pulled out his phone and started making calls.

When Wilbur starts hanging around Techno, he assumes that the guy wants a discount on essays. Fat chance. He charges Skeppy double, he's not giving this guy any leeway.

Yet Wilbur hangs around, constantly asking prying questions. Wanting to know more about Techno. Pestering Techno in the library. Following Techno to the dang bathroom.

The guy is relentless, but Techno isn't...bothered, per se. The attention is nice. Skeppy had made a new friend named Bad and spent a ton of time with him. He kept encouraging Techno to make more friends, too.

Well, what could another friend hurt?

It's surely fiiiineee.

Have a good day.

I kept this ask hostage for so long, it's been collecting dust in my ask box for over a MONTH. But only because I wanted to come back and keep rereading it. This is SO GOOD, and my brain has brrr thoughts in many different dimensions. Especially about how Techno's 'adoptive' parents could factor into this...

[henrysglock]

The Dustin Experiment—Review

Rating: 2/5 Author: J.L. D'Amato

The Dustin Experiment was an unexpectedly easy read, especially coming off The Silmarillion. It's marketed as a young adult novel, but it's something I would have read as a fifth grader. I finished it, notes and all, in under 4 hours. I even handed it off to my mother, fearing my "good at reading" autism—paired with the fact that my father majored in literature, meaning advanced books were the status-quo in my household growing up as a result—was the culprit. She pegged it as a sixth grade novel within the first couple of pages. I'm not sure if it was the fault of Random House's categorization or the declining literacy rate in the States, but I was definitely expecting a plot that was a little more complex, or at least characters whose motivations were more complex.

The novel follows Dustin through the first semester of high school, specifically through a regional science fair that neither Lucas or Mike want to participate in with him. Along the way, the fraying relationships between the remaining Party members are explored, as well as the foundations of Dustin's bond with Eddie—who offers to be Dustin's ride to the science fair.

I can't say the book didn't deliver exactly that. However, I do have a few criticisms.

One: The editing

There were certain instances in the book where I couldn't believe D'Amato's editor didn't offer a correct of some kind.

Repetition 1. Claudia starts a running bit about Dustin electrocuting himself. It's funny the first time (page 28). But when Eddie says the exact same thing just a few pages later (page 34)—without a justifiable reason, because Eddie is not like a parent to Dustin, he's an older brother figure, so even using it as a parallel wouldn't make sense—it feels tired. When Claudia reuses the exact bit a couple chapters later, it's far overdone (page 60). 2. Max's social withdrawal over Billy's death is mentioned right away (page 3), and it's brought up in full no less than six times throughout the 290 page novel (pages 10, 87, 118 (x2!), and 237). "Max has been absent ever since Billy's death last year" should have been brought up once, maybe twice, and then left to the reader's memory afterward. 3. Interdimensional monsters is another one. This is the "interdimensional monsters" show. It doesn't need to be blatantly said more than twice. Alas, it's referenced in full no less than six times throughout the story (pages 2, 3, 41, 132, 159, and 166). Again, overkill. 4. There were some odd phrases that repeated word for word, specifically about Claudia having grown up in Hawkins. These ^^ are just the most blatant/egregious examples. I felt like I was reading an essay where the author was struggling to meet a word limit, and I'm not sure why someone proofreading this book wouldn't catch that. If this is supposed to be a young adult book, then make it young adult writing. Hell, Dustin and Suzie are reference reading Neuromancer—an adult book—but even if this book had been intended for kids, kids aren't stupid. There was too much hand-holding overall for a Stranger Things story. Show, don't tell.

Callbacks The author is trying entirely too hard to reference the TV show and flex knowledge of the 80s. Mr. Mom makes an appearance, there's a reference to black widow spiders being scary and dangerous (but no mention from Dustin the Science Nerd about how the fear is unfounded because black widows are largely docile until provoked), a reference to the exact month Ghostbusters came out on VHS, so on and so forth within this general vibe of trying too hard.

Grammar There were numerous instances of clunky phrasing, incorrect use of punctuation (specifically overuse of commas and unwillingness to use semicolons where semicolons would have worked best), and overlooked issues with italics (like on page 216, when the show Dynasty is italicized...along with the rest of the phrase it appears in. Or the paragraph on page 32 where, like, every sixth word is italicized). This is particularly ironic given the two pages at the start of Chapter 14 wherein Mike corrects Dustin's grammar. Again, I'm not sure how an editor would have missed all these instances. Also, there's a line of dialogue for Mike that's ripped directly from a tumblr post. Dead fucking ass. Mike, Lucas, and Dustin are discussing horror movie protags doing stupid things, and Lucas says that the protags "don't have the luxury of being genre aware". I've reblogged that exact post at least once this year. I mean, come on. It does make the too-detailed moments about the 80s ironic, though. Comes off as the author trying so hard to be "relatable" that the vibe of the 80s is lost despite having the details that supposedly "prove" she knows the 80s.

Two: The characterization

The only characters that felt true were Steve, Robin, and Claudia. I'm sorry, but it's true. Dustin felt like a caricature of himself, at once totally self-absorbed—bordering on genuinely narcissistic at times—and weirdly socially conscious. He criticizes Lucas for joining basketball without understanding the social context of that choice, but then turns around and uses modern speak about basketball being "a pointless ritual glorifying outdated ideals of masculinity" to do that criticizing. Dustin is particularly angry in this novel, which isn't really supported by the show. Even when he's being abandoned in ST3, he doesn't show it very outwardly (or at least he doesn't do it often). Also, Dustin refers to D’art as a monster at least twice. He would not fucking say that, or whatever the kids are saying these day.

The author makes numerous callbacks to The First Shadow (like Dustin being encouraged to join drama club/try out for the school play/musical, and referenced to both his parents having grown up in Hawkins), but she doesn't manage to get the characterizations of either Walter Henderson or Alan Munson right. Walter in TFS is quite devoted to Claudia, to the point of snapping at Henry just for referring to her as a "chick". I never pegged him as the type to cheat on her. Alan, on the other hand, is referenced as having smacked Eddie around in anger. This isn't consistent with any version of Alan. TFS Alan is a sensitive theater boy who's very good at empathizing and showing compassion to those who may not "deserve" it (like Jim Hopper's asshole dad, who is re-framed by Alan as a single dad trying his best). In Flight of Icarus, Alan is an absentee deadbeat who's largely a coward. He'll let Eddie take the fall for his schemes, but as far as I recall, there are no mentions of him abusing Eddie physically.

On another note, The basketball team. They are way too active as bullies—especially Jason. I feel like the author forgot that these are Hawkins' golden boys. Jason has an image to protect, and he doesn't go after Eddie/the nerds unless he's provoked. Having the team pelt Dustin and Mike with basketballs no less than three times is not only overkill, it's also out of character. Actively bullying Dustin and Mike physically feels "below" the basketball team—the same way that stepping on El's project is a low for Angela, who prefers verbal bullying, and the milkshake scene is a provoked incident because El is perceived as having gotten Angela in trouble.

I'm aware that these novels are not meant to be strictly canon, but all this feels like the author was missing source material and the editor didn't care enough to catch it.

This ^^ extends into canonicity issues overall, the largest of which serves to demonize Lucas.

Lucas is written as having missed all of first semester Hellfire club specifically for basketball stuff. There's really no mention of that in filmed canon—in fact, the tournament is positioned as the first time Lucas has to miss Hellfire. Lucas is also in the club's yearbook picture, shirt and all, which heavily implies that he was in Hellfire from the start along with Dustin and Mike.

Lucas's absence is used to villainize him in Dustin's eyes, and we don't ever get a real apology from Dustin about how he treated Lucas on account of basketball. The two make up, but it's in the way of "we were both assholes". No! Lucas was not in the wrong, here! Dustin has been a self-absorbed the asshole, and he acknowledges as much mentally! If the author had leaned into "Dustin feels weird taking responsibility for xyz reasons", fleshing out Dustin as a character, then I could give it a pass. Without that....it just feel like finding a way to create an object for Dustin's ire, with Lucas being the easy fall guy.

Having Lucas so easily and willingly "ditch" his friends is also antithetical to the Lucas we see in ST5, who's trying so hard to make everything work out re: the tournament. The Lucas in this book had already given up on making both groups mesh, regardless of the fact that Dustin showed up for one of his practices. (Which, Lucas making baskets and fitting easily into the team? When he's a bench warmer canonically? Doesn't make sense. If you've ever been a bench warmer on a school team sport, you know what I mean.)

There's also mention of Will, Jon, and El all being seen as the "weird" kids from Indiana, and everyone in Cali treating them like freaks. El is the only one we see being treated like a freak. Jon has a friend, and he's never shown being bullied. Will is a wallflower, we're never shown him being mistreated.

Riddle me this: Is Will being treated like a weirdo, or is he avoiding being treated like a weirdo by freezing up on El when she needs him most? Can't have it both ways.

I also found it ironic that the author had Will lecturing Dustin on communication, when he himself does not communicate well. Like oh, so you're saying he's a hypocrite? If that was the author's intent, I'd call it a sexy move, but it was painted as Will being "wise". Alas.

The same goes for D'Amato having Dustin tell Will that everything has crumbled without him. This is not the case. Everything has crumbled because Lucas is absent. The Party has always been fine without Will. It has always suffered without Lucas. ST1 will tell you that. So, unless the author's intent was to highlight Dustin not being able to accept that Lucas is the missing linchpin and him pushing that "blame", so to speak, onto Will's absence, then....okay. Sexy move. However, with Dustin being so openly and over-explainedly frustrated about Lucas "ditching" them/how him drifting away is causing so much grief, I can't imagine that kind of nuanced subtext was the goal in mind.

Three: The plot

My biggest beef with the plot is the Indianapolis science fair saboteur plot. The ending was supremely fucking cheesy and Sooby-Doo "and I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling kids" in essence. Hell, the "villain" whips out an "I'm not letting you Scooby-Doo wannabes get in my way" right at the end. It's not even an entertaining way to end that arc. Sigh.

Dustin is up against a bunch of smart kids from the prestigious Edgewood academy, namely Danny, Anika, and Brian. Brian is a senior, and he informs Dustin of a "curse" that's been plaguing the science fair—that is, destroying people's projects. The "curse" hits Anika's project, and Dustin takes it upon himself to solve it with Danny and Eddie's help. They record a tape of the saboteurs talking, and they go to Brian for help, since he's a senior and a victim of the "curse" himself. Brian sends them on a wild goose chase, claiming one of the voices sounds like his classmate Richard Rasch. Dick Rasch. Dick rash.

Dustin realizes he's been hoodwinked, and that Brian was the one on the tape. How he didn't realize it initially, I don't know. Alas, Brian has erased the recording, leaving Dustin with absolutely no proof. Dustin confronts Brian anyway, and Brian, the genius multi-year saboteur, just fucking snidely spills his guts about it. Two pages of straight up exposé. If Brian is so smart, and he's been able to pull this off for multiple years with no one catching him, then how is he stupid enough to admit to it? Hello? There's no evidence! There's nothing linked to him! Dustin and Brian both acknowledge that there's no proof. Are you kidding me??? He's a well-liked senior! He could absolutely bullshit his way out and call Dustin a jealous liar to cover his ass. But of course, the Mr. Clarke-wannabe, Mr. Adams, is oh-so conveniently right there to overhear all of that, since Brian had erased Dustin's recording.

It would have been so easy to give Dustin a second bit of proof to make this all more of a legitimate mystery solving trap. Like, say, cameras. Cameras are so important to ST canon overall, and it would be so easy to have Dustin ask Mr. Adams to check some tapes to prove that Brian is the saboteur without this cheap, nonsensical cop-out ending. They're in a nice building in Indianapolis! If HNL has cameras, then this building can, too, and the cameras would be the one thing Brian wouldn't think to even try to erase, since no one has suspected him so far. Dustin could figure out the saboteur from the deleted recording, but he could get hard proof from a camera when Brian has one-upped him. Make it a chess game! Like the chess game from NINA, people moving proof and pieces like pawns in the game! Make a another tryhard callback! You named your fake character Richard for fuck's sake! Like Richard BRENNER from the newspapers! It's not hard to write a satisfying ending. Brian could still have his silly little exposé moment without the entire thing resting flatly on it, should Dustin have found some other hard proof by knowing when to find an adult—especially one who's so willing to help, given Mr. Adam's similarities to Mr. Clarke (they both even have a mustache). The ending to that arc was cheap, easy, and anticlimactic. Upsettingly so.

This ^^ quite literally ruined the plot of the book for me. Sorry, not sorry. Characterization is one thing. Editing is another. But the plot? The plot has to at least be passable to make the former two excusable. And it was! It was! Right up until this bullshit ending to the mystery. Do better. It's not hard.

Editing was poor, characterization was meh at best, and the plot tripped over its gun and shot itself in the head in the home stretch.

As such, The Dustin Experiment receives 2/5 stars from me.

[shark-myths]

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

[itsbansheebitch]

Since this is becoming a relevant conversation again...

People are wondering why the ratio between mlm and wlw is so dramatic. This is reasonable question to ask, however, people's first explanation is misogyny. This is (mostly) incorrect.

if you watch Contrapoint's latest video (Twilight) she actually gets into the psychology of women reading mlm.

However, i think that she says it better than i do and you can watch her video to see her analysis. I'm hear to share my own experience.

I'm afab and I read more mlm than wlw. In fact, i barely read any wlw at all. That, to someone who's ready to scream "misogyny" wouldn't make sense to to ME liking women.

Here's the truth on why I read mlm more: I relate to male characters more. Now, you might suggest that this is because the male characters i read are better written, however, I disagree. I relate to male characters more because I was RAISED as a "boy." My father WAS misogynistic and was expecting a son. He got two daughters. Instead of changing his parenting style, I got raised with "men's issues."

Men's issues meaning, an expectation to not just be good, but be The Best(TM). An expectation to never share or show emotion. An expectation to treat ever hobby like it will be a job, contraetc

HOWEVER! I was also raised as a "girl" because of his misogyny. This made me have "women's issues."

Women's issues meaning, an expectation to settle for the bare minimum, an expectation to stay quiet & not speak up & not advocate for myself, an expectation to be a housewife and to focus on my looks above my self worth. etc

This means that when female characters complain about how "men don't know how to communicate, yadda yadda UUGGGHH MEN" I always cringe because I AM that person. I can't communicate like other girls (literally). I wasn't taught to communicate. I was taught to hide my feelings and bottle my emotions up. All I hear is characters berating each other for not communicating when the writers don't realize that it is NOT THAT EASY. Any communication skills I've learned is from reading & writing essays for school.

I just can't relate to girls that complain about that sort of thing because I have the issues they complain about. As someone who's afab, raised with the worst of both worlds, take it from me:

The Amount of Emotional Repression that Men Experience on a Daily Basis is Cruel and Inhumane.

If you won't listen to them tell you that, then you will listen to me.

Because of this, I find myself relating more to male characters. So yes, I will continue to read mlm more than wlw. Until people actually talk about men's issues in a kinder manner and write character accordingly, I will continue to read mlm. That's not misogyny. That's me looking for characters with similar life experience to me. I'm sure SOMEONE reads more mlm because of misogyny, but they are the MINORITY.

Put away your pitchforks and Mind. Your. Business.

[linkspooky]

got any new ocs that you’re planning on writing for any future fics?

My last Jujutsu Kaisen fic won't feature any new ocs. It's just the conclusion to Michi and Lio's stories. I'm planning on the sequel to Owl of You which doesn't use any ocs because I actually don't have Tokyo Ghoul Ocs.

So there's no ocs for upcoming fic project, but I can introduce you to the two main characters for a completely original story I'm working on.

The Title is Generation Exo, and basically the idea for the story came from when people kept asking me if I was going to write an MHA fix it fic after I wrote my 10,000 essays on how much I was disappointed by the ending. I was seriously considering writing a fic where the league survives, but that seemed like so much effort for a series that I've mostly fallen out of love with that I'd be better off using those ideas to write my own superhero story.

So, here are the two heroes.

Anastassya Filippovna Barashkov

Nastya Barakov, also known as Nasty to the people who dislike her. She's the former leader of this story's equivalent of the League of Villains. She was raised her entire life to be a leader, and basically has been training to use her powers since she was 12 but she is basically a bully with an inferiority superiority complex and sucks so hard at being a leader than the entire team turned against her and tried to kill her.

She almost died but was saved by a random stranger. However, she's not particularly grateful to this stranger and instead of thanking him she decides to turn him into her lackey, and use him as a pawn for her revenge against her former team while pretending to be training him to be a better hero.

She's considered a madwoman by most of her ex-friends, she's dangerous and unstable, and is deep down aware that she's not a good person and doesn't think she deserves to have friends which is why she can't trust other people and relies on manipulation or outright abuse instead.

She can steal powers from others, but there are a lot of conditions for using her power. She can't just take them she has to form a contract with the original power owner to let her borrow the power. They have to like, actually sign something. She also can't control which powers she uses, when she decides to use someone else's power she has to roll a roullete and gets a power from one of the many she's collected at random. Basically like Chrollo but if he was forced to flip to a completely random page in the book.

Her hero name is Risk because of how much her power is completely up to luck.

Lev Nikolayevich Myshkin

Also called Mysh by his friends, and mockingly called a Prince at the private school both he and Nastya attend because of how insanely rich his father is.

Mysh is the random stranger who saved Nastya. She is immediately surprised to find out he's not just some rando who passed her by on the street, but a superhero just like her. However, at the moment he's not interested in going to one of the hero schools or being an official hero, so he just uses an app his friend made for him to do random chores for people around his community who post on his app. He's basically an errand boy with superpowers.

Mysh is incredibly unambitious, and pretends to be a normal, boring person in order to avoid responsibility. Right away that's proven not to be true, because not only is he insane enough to just, save a random stranger on the street, learn she's a former villain and then let her stay at his house anyway. He also falls in love with her almost immediately. Mysh also, despite being inexperienced, possesses the power to control gravity which is insanely broken.

Unlike Nastya who had a shitty life, Mysh was born with a lot of luck. He basically won the superpower lottery by having a strong, easy to use power with almost no drawbacks. The only thing really holding him back is his own laziness and lack of drive. He's thoroughly convinced himself he'll never be anyone special and doesn't bother to try. He does dream of being a hero, but he doesn't want to leave behind his normal, every day life.

One good metaphor for this is Mysh is actually pretty decent at art. He fills piles of notebooks up with doodling, because he hates paying attention in class and only puts in the effort to maintain a solid C+ averange, but they're just doodles. He wanted to be a comic book artist when he was a little kid, but then his dad took an interest and said he would pay for art school which made Mysh immediately hide his notebooks away in his closet out of embarrassment. Since, being an artist isn't a REAL career, and he doesn't think he would ever be succesful at it.

Mysh is a really sensitive pure hearted soul, who is kind of too pure for the world he exists in. Which is why he is very blind to people's dark sides, and doesn't suspect Nastya at all which leads to him being manipulated for most of the story.

[princecoolkid]

I can't imagine going through school while chatgpt exists.

When I was in school, I couldn't even use Sparknotes. I could never understand the summaries? Or answers it gave for literature. I HAD to read every book, at a painstakingly slow pace. Even when I absolutely adored reading, I was a slow reader. And I knew if I hadn't read or study something myself, I was gonna fail the moment I was tested on it.

I can't imagine watching classmates breeze through with chatgpt, probably trying it myself, and just not being able to do it. Not bc I'm a Good Egg, but because I know I wouldn't get away with it and when it came to being tested I would breakdown.

Not saying I never ever cheated. I would look up the answers to those extra hard questions, look up insight, but I always had to put it in my own words or I just would not get it.

It felt like everyone in school could get by easy peasy bc they had something I didn't.

A Good Memory.

History was the favorite subject when I was growing up, in the classes I was a part of. I hated history. Everyone asked why? It's just memorization. Exactly! I can't remember dates or names let alone why people did the horrible, stupid shit they did. I couldn't write essays on it. But I did. Because I had to. And I had to look up everything and find a way to understand it.

With chatgpt I would probably hear others say just use it, just use it! Free up your time, you can memorize it all later. And I'd know I couldn't. I wouldn't. I'd have to be a hard worker for the bare minimum. Never really wowing anyone with my intellect, but always feeling like I had to work extra hard just to be where I am. And knowing chatgpt, like Sparknotes, by name, but never by usage.

And if I was falsely flagged for using it on an essay I spent weeks fighting demons and procrastination to finish? Lol I'd kms.

[chiewse]

My Inner Child is Dumb and the Adult me is Ambitious.

chiewse

I graduated from primary school as an honor student, acing my every test, staring at the red colored ink encircling the score 50 out of 50, with a 'Very good!' written on its side. Plastering my smirk, thinking I freaking want to grow up already and be successful. My science teacher once had me standing with her side—nah, not because I am naughty, but to make my classmates clap for me since I did the presentation and she graded me a 100. I want to be an astronaut someday.

Holding Barbies with both of my hands, I stared at their clothes; they're pretty. That's when I started falling in love with art. Sketching designers, landscapes, faces of people that I only met in my imaginations, places that don't even exist, and me with a smile on my face—that little did she know, will soon never appear again. My grandfather's face lit up. "Wow, you are so talented, aren't you? Why don't you take art someday, someone who paints?" A giggle escaped in my mouth. "I want to be an artist."

Life was easy.

And the child is so dumb to believe that life will stay that way.

My forehead is knotted on the piled sheets of paper; it's a compilation of my achievements. I was seventeen, reminiscing about the last time I was good at everything. She knows how to draw and play with words; she's smart, full of energy and happiness; she is someone to whom you can give ten tasks and will finish them in a day, but now she can't even brush her hair and never leave the bed. Where did everything go wrong?

I was once full of smiles until life drained me hard.

My inner child is so dumb to believe that she can be an astronaut who will travel the universe with her silly spaceship, but the current 21-year-old adult here is very tired and exhausted without even doing anything. I want to be a chef. The 7-year-old laughed while helping her aunt make a flan, but all she did was mix the egg and milk. It's funny, but the laugh was genuine. A chef? I don't eat anymore; a cup of coffee every day is enough. I also once fooled myself into thinking I would be a doctor someday. "The medical field fascinates me!". This stupid girl even enrolled herself under the Nursing Department; however, the karma knocked her back into reality real quick and dropped her out of school after a year for having a financial crisis. A doctor? You can't even manage your own mental health first.

The adult me is so ambitious, dreaming of hundreds of professions to be someday when she was a kid; her current self is now aiming for something that is almost impossible to achieve, harder than mathematics or writing essays; she now wants to feel genuinely happy.