#Why can't school essays be this easy to write?

[crystallinestars]

OMG thank you so much for your response 😭 You always answer very kindly and in a detailed manner ahahah it is always fun to read your posts ! For rant, where to begin… I’m straight up typing this on a document so that it’ll be easier to organize gyahahah. I hope the readers do not see this as an assault on certain people, just an exchange of ideas 😁This is like 1250 words, enough for a uni essay, I feel that at some points it may be rather incoherent…

So I guess I will start with the shipping thing ! So when it comes to Kaveh ships, I see that it is like 99% with Alhaitham. I guess it is because of the way the game sets them up. Not only do they live under the same roof but iirc they have extensive voicelines about each other. I won’t deny that they play an important role in each other’s lives! Like back from their Akademiya days when they were still friends and collaborated with each other, and then when they had their falling out, and then Kaveh falls into financial ruin and inevitably ends up turning to his former friend for help (much to his own shame and chagrin). If they’ve known each other for this many years, it is natural that they would have many things to say about each other. 

However, I guess this also opens up the way for BL fans to interpret this in a romantic manner. Ofc they could feel free to ship as they’d like, but just taking into account the ones who are so insistent that any other ship must be wrong, I will detail the following… 

For people who have been in each other’s lives for a long time (I’m thinking 10+ years for these two), it isn’t out of the ordinary to talk about each other. I talk about the people in my close circle a fair amount, same with the people I know. It doesn’t need to imply a secret crush. And regarding their interactions, they often throw shade at each other. This is also interpreted in a romantic manner by many fans. If we look at this in a more positive light, I remember a guy player noting that their kind of interaction is similar to IRL male friendships. Guys dissing or making fun of each other with no deeper meaning to it. Bros being bros kind of thing. But if we look at it critically, I would say that a relationship where they’re arguing all the time… is not ideal. Like a commenter on Reddit said something that stood out to me, that Kaveh just looks so stressed when he’s interacting with Haitham. 😅 Looking at it from this angle, it makes it difficult to romance the two ahahah (not because of a “problematic” aspect but rather because it isn’t fun watching them just constantly arguing and Kaveh being miserable from this). 

To digress a bit, my ideal Kaveh ships would be either Kaveh+Lumine or Kaveh+Nilou. The former because Lumine in his hangout quest helps him a lot, like helping him deal with his past and with many of his issues. Also I like the idea of Kaveh accompanying Lumine during her travels, nice way to keep her company. 😁 And for KavehLou their romantic+artsy personalities and their shared cultural connection!!! I feel like Kaveh would legit treat Nilou like a goddess ahahah and Nilou would definitely cheer him up when he’s struggling, and both of them have super good vibes so it’s 💯 green flags all around. I also want to see them celebrate Nowruz together… ahahah. 

And this kind of ties into my next point that because of the whole shippy thing, Kaveh is rarely seen as his own character. This is evident when you look up his name on Twitter. Most of it will be him with Haitham; the fandom treats him like he is Haitham’s add-on. For comparison, when I look up my other fave Scaramouche/Wanderer, I actually get art of JUST him. Not with Kazuha, Childe, or even Lumine. Just straight up Scara. Kaveh doesn’t get this solo treatment because much of the fandom just sees him as an extension of Haitham. The thing is that Kaveh is one of the most human and relatable characters in the game: he wants to be a good person, yet he does struggle with having his own personality flaws. He has financial struggles that he’s barely clawing his way out of. If we disregard his genius and extraordinary academic record, I think most people could see themselves in him. In other words, I’d say that he is a very solid character. I think it’s about high time we give him his own chance to shine, without feeble scholar getting in his way ahahah (no shade to you, Alhaitham !). Let Kaveh be his own person!

And another point I would like to make, it is something that is of interest to me because it does involve different cultural perspectives. Kaveh is commonly interpreted as “feminine.” There is no shame in being a feminine man. However, the basis of this interpretation is 1) his appearance and 2) his expressive behavior. Regarding his appearance, I think it is because he styles himself in a particular manner that people automatically assume he is “___-coded.” To address this, I’ve seen Iranian Genshin players explain that historically, it wasn’t uncommon for Iranian men to wear jewelry, dress flamboyantly, and enjoy the fine arts. But to outsiders’ eyes, doing these makes him “less of a man.” It is like how some male k-pop idols are seen as “girly” or even “gay” by many in the West, but for women in many east+southeast Asian societies they are perfectly acceptable men. Just that when they see him as “feminine” it often verges into fetishization territory… I’ll try not to play pixel activism here, but ngl it gets really gross and weird at times. A few weeks ago I had the misfortune of laying my eyes upon a Haitham+Kaveh fanart where Kaveh was basically (sorry for the description in advance) Haitham’s belly dancer/slave?? Of course fanartists have the freedom to draw whatever they want but this image was pretty much a symptom of how the fandom views Kaveh. 🙁 Even one of the well-known Iranian Genshin enjoyers called this out as fetishistic and orientalist (the latter term is often thrown around with regard to Sumeru, but I think that this instance actually warranted its use). 

In addition to his appearance, Kaveh is a very emotionally expressive man. He wears his heart on his sleeve. Because of this, this further contributes to fans thinking of him as “girly.” So I guess men aren’t “real men” if they are open with their emotions, if we go by the logic of the fandom? Haitham and other characters seen as “masculine” e.g. Diluc and Childe are given the “masculine” treatment because they demonstrate far more restraint with their emotions, while Kaveh gets the “uwu I’m a lil bbygirl in need of saving” treatment simply because he doesn’t hold back when it comes to his feelings. So from this there’s like so much stuff of him as “ohhh submissive prettyboy 🥺🥺🥺” instead of taking into account other aspects of his personality, like he could actually be assertive especially when dealing with annoying clients. It does him a true disservice…

I feel that I’m missing many more points that I’ve considered before, if I ever remember them I will probably send them in… I hope it does not come off as some sort of crusade call, but rather just an outpouring of thoughts. And hopefully this is a decently entertaining read ^^;;;;

WELCOME BACK!!! I have been waiting for your lovely essay on how Kaveh gets done dirty by the fandom, and it made me so happy to see you and I share a lot of opinions in common on this! (That's a lot of text though. I don't mind the length at all, but I'm surprised the word limit let you hahaha)

To your amazing analysis, I respond to you with an essay of my own.

I completely agree with your points that people who have known each other for a long time would naturally have a lot to say about each other. Even if they haven't known each other for long, when people live in close quarters together, they definitely have things to say about one another, especially negative ones. The bickering Kaveh and Alhaitham have is expected since they're roommates, and on top of that, roommates that had a falling out as friends. Their relationship is a bit strained since neither wants to admit they were wrong in the past due to their pride.

I work 5 days a week with a coworker of mine, and I have a lot to say about her because we work closely together. Does that mean I'm romantically attracted to her? No, not at all. Quite the opposite. Unfortunately, this logic doesn't apply to fiction quite so easily, and I'll cover why in a bit.

The point about them acting like real-life guy friends is also very true, although I think their relationship fits a sitcom more closely. I know someone who said Kaveh and Haitham's relationship reminds them of Leonard and Sheldon's from The Big Bang Theory. Two guys living together, constantly bickering and throwing shade, but caring about one another deep down.

Lord, I can write a whole separate essay on why I think Kaveh and Alhaitham don't work as a romantic couple, but I won't do that here. This post is already gonna be long. Maybe another time.

However, I do want to say that while you make excellent points on how Kaveh and Haitham's relationship isn't inherently romantic, there is a very big BUT to all this. And that's Mihoyo.

As an anime game developer, Mihoyo knows all about the anime community. After all, the founders were all otakus, they know what kind of audience they have. They know what is popular, and what's popular is BL. There is not a single excuse anyone can give me that can convince me otherwise that Mihoyo didn't know exactly what they were doing when they wrote Kaveh and Haitham to be roommates. They didn't have to write them to live together. They didn't have to write all the extra dialogue where they mention each other. They didn't have to do the matching key idles, the references to the other in their birthdays, or introduce Kaveh through Alhaitham TWICE. They knew how their audience will interpret their dynamic, they had the option to structure it differently, but they still went through with it. It was deliberate.

Kaveh was introduced with Haitham, and ever since, they have consistently been shown together. It's as if they are literally glued to each other. Can't go a single birthday, event, quest, or otherwise without the other being present in some way. It is all intentional. Their interactions and cameos carry intent behind them that shippers pick up on, and that intent is to appeal to their group. So while it's erroneous to claim that Kaveh and Haitham are canonically in a romantic relationship the way a lot of toxic shippers are doing, there is a good reason why they think so. Mihoyo is actively encouraging this mindset by not allowing either character to shine on their own, but rather as a pair because they know this appeals to a subsection of their fanbase, and a large one at that.

As for your Kaveh ships, I agree 100%! Lumine is a good choice for sure (I say this as a kavelumi shipper *gets shot*), and while I don't ship it, I understand the reasoning behind Kavelou, and think it's cute. Nilou would be a really good influence on Kaveh. He always laments about how nobody understands his passion for the arts, but Nilou would. They're both artists that are trying to eke their own path in a society that doesn't appreciate art. Nilou, as you mentioned, would cheer him up, and I think Kaveh would also find peace of mind through her dancing. Kaveh needs someone optimistic and kind like Nilou.

While we're on the topic of Kaveh ships, I would also like to suggest my own that I really like. Kaveh x Candace. Please don't shoot me. Candace is strict and no-nonsense, so she wouldn't let Kaveh get away with constantly self-sabotaging himself. And unlike Haitham, she is gentle and almost motherly, so she'd be more successful in getting through to Kaveh and soothing him. Or so I like to think. Kaveh would also help her see the outside world more, maybe have her accompany him through the desert and show her beautiful sights she'd never see by staying cooped up in her village. Plus, he's literally helping to construct a library for her village! There is so much potential for them to bond over Aaru village yet Hoyo keeps pushing the same relationships, I am so tired-

But of course, for me, the best ship of all will forever be Kaveh x You/Reader. On my blog, every guy I write for loves you, and only you. Please don't kill me.

Carrying on, you are right in that Kaveh isn't seen as his own person. You'd be hard-pressed to find (popular) art of him that doesn't imply Haitham in there somewhere. Is it so surprising, though, when even the game developer treats them as a package deal?

I feel you, it's a pity. Kaveh's character is very complex and one of the most realistic. When I read his backstory, I couldn't help but think as if someone in Mihoyo put a part of themselves in his character. The struggles he goes through are realistic, painfully so, even. I've also seen lots of artists say they relate to Kaveh. He has so much to explore about him, but I fear that outside of the Darshan event and his hangout, we'll never get to see more.

Okay, so. I have mentioned before on this blog how I am annoyed at how Kaveh is viewed as feminine and submissive due to his appearance and emotional nature. You've already touched on all the points, so excuse me for sounding like a broken record, but I have A LOT to say about this.

There is nothing wrong with being feminine. There is nothing wrong with being a feminine man. What is wrong, however, is associating femininity with submission.

Kaveh has traits that are often associated with femininity, which, as you pointed out, are his neat and pretty looks and emotional expressiveness (the bit about Iranian men traditionally wearing jewelry is super interesting, btw. I didn't know, so this was enlightening!). To this, I also want to add that lots of people think he acts like a nagging wife with Alhaitham. That's basically all it takes for people to slap him with the "feminine" label, and treat him as if he's a submissive, blushy, uwu bbgurl I want to delete this term from existence

I know that men the West views as "feminine/girly" are often popular among women in Asia, and it really just comes down to culture and a matter of taste. I share their taste in men because I also find K-Pop idols and smooth-faced, slim anime guys more attractive than muscular and rugged men, and by no means do I think they're girly. But alas, each culture has expectations for how men and women are supposed to look and act, and it's led to more harm than good.

It's also unfortunate that Kaveh gets compared to Alhaitham a lot. Alhaitham is what one would call traditionally masculine. Muscular, stoic, reserved, aloof, etc... But especially the muscular part. Kaveh isn't muscular, and as we saw in the Darshan event, isn't athletic. This difference in physique is also a reason people call him feminine. I saw someone say (in a shipping context) that they prefer Kaveh to be submissive because Alhaitham is taller and bigger than him. Nothing wrong with wanting a sub Kaveh, but I find this reasoning very flawed. Fetishistic, if you will.

And yes, the "one man is a dom/top while the other is a sub/bottom" mentality follows a lot of BL ships. People literally fight with each other over who they believe should be the top or bottom. There are even specific emojis for it. Don't know why people are so hung up about who tops or who bottoms, but what do I know. I don't understand the appeal of BL at all 🫤

Gosh, I'm sorry you had to see that belly dancer art... I once saw a ship art where Kaveh wore a wedding dress while Haitham wore a suit. It wasn't a silly context, either, but a serious and romantic one. I really dislike seeing art of Kaveh being feminine or acting submissive because that's not him at all.

Please look at this official art. Look at how Kaveh casually stuffs his hand in his pocket, at how he sits with his legs spread wide without a care in the world, at how he slings Mehrak over his shoulder. Look at how confidently and casually he carries himself. His body language screams "masculine".

Kaveh is confident, prideful, assertive, bold... I could go on. These are also traits usually associated with men. I mean, look at how he talks about one of his seniors in his hangout!

He's got quite the mouth and a temper.

He's not shy, far from it, actually. He's not submissive. He's not a dainty damsel in distress than needs someone stronger to help him, because in actuality, he's resourceful and intelligent.

Kaveh is self-assured in his masculinity. Sure, he's not a big, buff man, and he wears his heart on his sleeve, but that doesn't make him less of a man or weak. Maybe physically a bit, but I don't think he's below average in terms of strength. He makes up for it with his smarts and invents things to circumvent his shortcomings. This part of him gets overlooked, because he gets compared to Alhaitham. It doesn't help that the two are always seen together lately.

In my humble opinion, Kaveh is more of a dom than Alhaitham will ever be. Haitham gives me vibes of being someone who's too lazy to put in the work in bed, so he'd rather lie back and let his partner lead. Meanwhile, Kaveh isn't afraid to go after what he wants, and will pamper his partner.

In conclusion, you are very right about everything. If Mihoyo wasn't purposely throwing ship crumbs at every opportunity, then Kaveh potentially wouldn't have had his character assassinated by the fandom. Every character gets mischaracterized to some degree (I weep for Childe), but unlike most, Kaveh's mischaracterization is largely in part due to shipping.

Apologies for the massive tangent. I had a lot of fun reading your analysis and mentally screaming "YES! YES! SHE GETS IT! I'm not the only one!", so thank you for sending this in. Don't worry, it was very well put-together, probably better than my rambling. I found out some new points, and had a few of mine validated, so feel free to send another essay if you think of more things. I love deep and thoughtful discussions like these haha!

[merakiui]

OHSHC AU where reader breaks a precious arrifact from one of the dorms maybe all but instead of repaying the huggeeee debt with hours of labour she has to pay with her body and can’t refuse :)

every kink in the book is used as she’s pleading with the dorm leaders for mercy, crying about forgiveness but all they can hear is that her mouth is very wide open and needs to be replaced with a cock or gag </3 poor reader doesn’t have time to take birth control! and none of the students at nrc know what condoms are oopsies!! imagine savanaclaw in their heat … oh boy rip her pussy! she’ll never know a peaceful day until graduation but even then one of the dorm leaders might take her with them to spend forever with them

Omg yes,,, ohshc au, but it's freaky and full of sex because those scheming boys now have a girl in their debt and that opens so many possibilities. Their methods in dealing with you would all be different, of course, but in the end you're probably getting dicked down either way. <3

I think Riddle's punishments are probably more old-fashioned. If you can't fix whatever it is you broke, then you will write lines stating that you will be more careful, that you won't break anything again, etc. Or he'll make you write an essay detailing why exactly you're sorry, why you ought to be forgiven, etc. T_T really, these are just punishments his own mother gave to him in order to push him to do better in his studies. Riddle doesn't know any better.

He thinks differently when someone like Ace or Cater offhandedly and jokingly remarks how unlucky you must feel. Good thing their Housewarden isn't some pervert, otherwise he could totally force you to give him blowjobs whenever he wanted all under the guise of "repaying your debt." Riddle is appalled. He would never stoop so low! This is Heartslabyul, not Octavinelle. >:( still, the basic concept is just a little appealing. So maybe he's got a small crush on you, and maybe it would be easier to get you to spend time with him if you had no other choice. He makes you join him for tea parties in the gardens, for games of croquet, etc. His hope is that you'll warm up to him and not feel so rigid around him. orz

Leona probably doesn't care as much about the artifact as someone like Riddle might. It has no sentimental value to him personally, so why should he be worried? Besides, it was pretty old anyway. But that doesn't mean you can get off completely innocent. You're the reason he's got more work on his plate now, what with having to deal with the Headmage squawking at him about it. He allows you to choose between two punishments: either you become Savanaclaw's errand girl and do much the same work Ruggie does around the dorm, or you spend every night literally warming his bed (i.e. let him use you as a pillow if you're going to be good and still and quiet). If you want an easy way out, you'll choose the latter. Besides, his bed is comfortable, big enough for two. And as long as you aren't a pain, he doesn't mind. (You are definitely going to be warming his bed in other ways. The innuendo in his words is not lost on Leona.)

Azul...... of course he's slimy and sleazy about it. Oh, you poor soul. How is he ever going to get over this dear, priceless artifact that you have so carelessly broke? Jade is there to oh-so-helpfully inform you of its market price and what it could currently go for if sold. And Floyd's there to poke fun at the unfortunate predicament you've found yourself in. But Azul is a resourceful octopus. He makes a grand show of contemplating what he should do with you just to watch you squirm nervously, as if he hasn't already planned it out from the very beginning. He'll capitalize on your being a girl and have you work the floor in the lounge. There's always an increase in tips and sales when you're serving the customers, and why wouldn't there be? A cute, helpless girl in a school full of boys is an appealing sight.

He's irritating, but he isn't callous! Jade and Floyd are there to look out for you in case any of the patrons get it in their heads that they ought to appreciate you through touch instead of simply staring. Your uniforms change with every new event Mostro Lounge holds. Azul knows his target audience well because he also fits into that same group LOL. So maybe the sight of you in frilly uniforms is appealing. Sue him. >_< he wants you so badly, and luckily (with you being indebted to him) he has you all to himself. :) after hours are a very fun time at the lounge.

Kalim doesn't see what the issue is. He's not mad, so please don't cry!!! 🥺 you'll make him cry if you're not happy... Jamil is just about ready to pass out while he calculates just how bad this is. And here Kalim is, not caring in the slightest! T_T but Kalim is more sympathetic towards you, not the vase you broke. Besides, he can just get another one. :D no harm done at all! There really isn't any punishment to be had. If you insist on repaying your debt, Kalim tells you it's all water under the bridge.

Jamil is the only one who insists this is a good idea, and if Jamil thinks it's fine then Kalim agrees. So now you're sort of,,, there in Scarabia. Jamil puts you to work when Kalim isn't around, but when Kalim is there he spoils you rotten. The complete opposite of a punishment. There's definitely dubious shadows to this, though. For all of the delicious foods and alcohol you consume, you wake with hazy memories, only ever recalling you looked into the eyes of...something before you fell. Was it a snake? Maybe... but Kalim is always there in the morning to smother you in affection, so maybe it's not so bad.

You are Vil's newest pet project. He goes in with metaphorical fork and knife and cuts into you with his criticism, all of which is completely valid. You were clumsy when you broke that artifact. You weren't paying attention to your surroundings. You were completely oblivious, so in your own world. Epel would feel bad for you, but finally he gets to relax just a little bit now that Vil's eyes are mostly off of him and centered on you. Vil is going to put you through a reformation of sorts. You will come out of it your best, most elegant self! A wonderful improvement from your earlier carelessness. Only then will he forgive your previous transgression.

You and Vil get on like oil and water. That is, you don't mix at all. You are subjected to curses left and right because Vil is so strict. Suddenly, you can't eat certain foods and if you try to sneak them you find they've all been cursed (courtesy of Vil). If you try to slack on the work he has you do, even when you know he's not around, somehow word gets back to Vil. That creepy hunter always seems to know everything you do even when you're alone. It's troubling. Vil likes to think his heart is an iron fortress, so it's impossible to fathom when he falls for you first (and so hopelessly, at that)!

Idia doesn't put as much value in that artifact as he does in his own anime collection. If you broke something from his collection that was limited edition, he'd be far more upset (and then proceed to pull out the second one he got as back-up for this very specific moment). But this is an easy fix, really. He has the technology to make it good as new and, if that can't be done, he can always build a new one. Upgrades are important and necessary in some cases, especially when things get too outdated. It's a little awkward having a real 3D girl in his room all the time, though. >_< kick his ass in the twst equivalent of Smash and he's looking at you in a completely different light (hearing you trash talk him is so arousing; he's never been more hard).

Let's say the thing you broke in this case was a gargoyle. You're not sure how it happened, but it's headless now and Malleus is just staring silently at you. You can't read the emotions on his face, but with the way Sebek is shouting at you to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness you think you're about to be burnt to a crisp. It's so uneasy and awkward, and all you can do is apologize profusely, insisting you didn't mean to break it. It's Lilia who comes to your rescue: "Now, now, Malleus. You'll scare the poor child if you keep frowning so. Mistakes happen, do they not?" Silver also comes to your aid, adding that it wasn't your intention to break this gargoyle. It was an accident.

So now here you are, the second member of the Gargoyle Studies Club, accompanying Malleus for club activities while he teaches you all about gargoyles so that you can gain a better appreciation for them. It was Lilia's idea in the first place. He is Malleus's unofficial wingman. One way or another, you're going to find yourself alone in the woods with Malleus while Lilia is in the bushes belting out "romantic" love ballads from the old ages. T_T someone put peepaw to bed... at the very least, it lessens the awkward tension between you and Malleus, and it even gets the both of you laughing.

[ticklygiggles]

hii! for the drabble event, could you please do a reader x scaramouche (genshin) one for me please 🙏 romantic one! thank you so much if you do it!💕💕

[You & I Event - entries closed!]

A/N: first drabble (that turned into a fic skskdk), from this event! I hope you enjoy this! I love Scara so so much I'm dying dkfkfkg

This was highly inspired by that event where Nahida forces Scaramouche to study in the Akademiya and that she'll personally revise his thesis!

Words: 1.5k

Rumor has it that the new Vahumana scholar was dating someone. 

Everyone at the Six Darshans knew about the new student: Hat Guy—ah, no, Scaramouche.

Men and women were crazy about his handsome face and his terrifying intelligence. Scaramouche could write up to three essays of many several pages in a single day on extremely complex topics that even Vahumana's seniors were not able to fully understand.

He was a reserved person and limited himself to speaking only when necessary. He was constantly seen in the library with his nose buried in a book. He wasn't sociable, and his humor wasn't the brightest, so when rumors of Scaramouche having found a mate began to roam the halls of Vahumana, everyone was curious as to who had stolen such a complex person’s heart. 

Were they a student from the Akademiya too? Were they in the same classes as him? Was it a man or a woman? 

They all wanted to know the truth behind all these rumors, but there was no way in all Teyvat that any of them would dare ask Scaramouche directly. So the rumor that Scaramouche was seeing someone would remain a mystery to everyone. 

But of course, there was someone who knew all about it. 

"Ugh, would you stop staring at me? I'm trying to focus here, you're being annoying."

You giggled, looking back at your own book. Scaramouche's mysterious partner was no other but you. One more student of Vahumana who was lucky enough to catch the attention of someone like Hat Guy. It would be a lie if you said that you had not fallen for him long before your classmates relationship turned into a romantic one, but to think Scaramouche would also feel attracted to you… well, that was something you were not expecting. 

"You're doing it again!"

You laughed, "I'm sorry," you said, smiling brightly. "You're just so pretty, I can't help but stare." 

Scaramouche made a face that had you laughing again.

"You're so weird, why am I even dating you?" 

"Because I have a great personality and I love you nicely?" 

Scaramouche huffed, but by the pink hue appearing over his ears it was more than evident that you were right. 

"Let me finish my thesis," he mumbled shyly.

Your boyfriend was not hard to love, he was actually quite easy to read for you. You could know what he wanted and needed at any time because, even though he had a big brain for school work, he was terrible at expressing his own feelings, good thing he had you. 

"I think we should take a break."

"Not now."

"You are tired though," you said, closing your book. "And perhaps a little hungry, and maybe also thirsty?" You watched with great pleasure as Scaramouche's pencil halted for a second before he continued to scribble here and there, you smirked. "Maybe also… in need of cuddles?"

"I have to finish this thesis soon," he growled, completely avoiding your eyes and clearing his throat. "You can go and eat and drink and… whatever you want to do, by yourself.”

You chuckled. His painfully shy personality towards you always warmed your heart. He truly was not hard to love, on the contrary, you knew, even though he was still reluctant to tell you about his past, that he needed love. So desperately so, if you dared to say. And you thanked the Dendro Archon in every chance you had for his existence.

But he didn’t need to know that, you thought, his face would probably explode if you dared to tell him about your little prayers. 

You giggled, leaning in closer to him, arms touching. “I’d be very bored if you’re not there with me, though,” you said, blushing yourself when his ears turned red. “I also think that you should rest. We’ve been working nonstop since morning, isn’t it dark outside already?”

Scaramouche turned his head to look outside the window. It was indeed dark already. 

“... I have to finish,” he insisted and you rolled your eyes fondly.

“You can finish,” you said, hugging his arm and expecting him to push you away but he didn’t. “I will help you as much as I can and as much as you allow me, but we need to take a break, otherwise you’re going to tire yourself and you will not be able to work, hmm?”

Scaramouche wasn’t writing anymore, he was listening to you carefully, his fair cheeks glowing beautifully red, you resisted the urge to kiss them. 

“Or should I make you take a rest?”

He perked a little at that and he finally turned to look at you. His eyebrows furrowed slightly, trying to appear intimidating to you, but all you wanted to do was kiss him. 

“What- What do you mean?” He said, cautious and just slightly nervous. 

“I don’t know, I have my methods,” you said, shrugging. “Unless you decide to take a rest, that is.”

Scaramouche looked at you intently, his eyes jumping from left to right, staring at your own orbs. His lips were slightly pursed in thought and his eyebrows almost touched in the middle from how hard he was frowning. You smiled brightly at him, making him jump slightly and turn his head back to his thesis. 

“I can’t. Let me work.”

You were not expecting him to agree and you could only giggle, leaning your head against his shoulder. It had to be the hard way, huh? Well, that was what he asked for. 

Silence reigned in the room once more. The sound of Scaramouche's book pages and his pencil writing rapidly seemed to echo against the walls of your room. It was a soft, relaxing sound, you felt like you could fall asleep at any moment, but no. None of you could sleep for now. Scaramouche seemed to be relaxed, his features had turned to his usual color and he seemed to lean in closer to you. 

This was the perfect chance. 

The jacket of his casual attire had fallen a bit off his shoulder because of you hugging his arm, so shifting a little, you placed a tender kiss to his bare skin. He shuddered slightly and made a little sound deep in his throat when you kissed his shoulder one more time and another and another. 

“Stop, I can’t focus if you’re- haah, w-wait, I- ahahahaha! Gehehet your hahahands ohohoff!”

Success! Between tender kisses that made his skin prickle with goosebumps, Scaramouche had failed to notice both your hands sneaking under his arm, fingers wiggling against his armpit, tickling him nicely. He had also failed to try to hold his laugh back, and now that sweet sound filled your ears making you smile brightly.

"Stahahap tihihihis instahahant!" 

"Sure thing! Tell me, are we going to eat first or just walk around for a bit?"

Scaramouche shook his head and he tried to talk, but his words got lost between his loud cackles. Ah, how could he be so ticklish, you wondered. He simply didn't look like the ticklish type, but there he was cackling with his head thrown back as he tried to squirm away from you. 

"You can't talk? Does it tickle too badly?" Scaramouche nodded. "I'm just tickling one armpit, though, should I get the other one?"

"NOAHAHAHA!"

"Ah! So you can talk, silly boyfriend of mine!" You said playfully, your fingers unstoppable. "Tell me, are we going to continue working like this?"

Even though he was nearly laughing his head off, Scaramouche stubbornly refused to let you win this, but that was okay, you were not one to give up either. 

Smirking against his shoulder, one of your hands pulled out from under his arm and quickly sneaked under the leg of his shorts, your fingers easily finding that tender spot that always drove him up the wall. 

"OKAHAHAY!" Scaramouche shrieked, his knees hitting against the desk when he brought them up. "Fine! FIHIHINE! Nohohot thehehere, PLEHEHEASE!" 

You giggled, your cheeks pink. "So are we going to-

"EHEHEHAHT! Wehehehe'll eat fihihirst!"

"Very well!"

As quickly and surprisingly your attack had started, it finished, causing Scaramouche to collapse against his chair, giggling softly and twitching a little. You grinned, leaning to kiss his flushed cheek.

"Hmm, what would you like to eat? I kind of want-" You couldn't finish, all words got sealed in your mouth when Scaramouche pressed his lips against yours, giving you a tender kiss that made you feel like you had reached Celestia. 

You cupped his cheeks and he shyly wrapped his arms around waist as he kissed you and kissed you and kissed you.

When you both pulled apart, breathless and flushed, your eyes met and a giggle made its way out from your lips, making him smile softly. 

"Maybe we should do the cuddling first."

"Hmph," he said, closing his eyes. "If that is what you want, I guess it's okay."

You chuckled. Ah, he was so easy to love and you were so lucky to be loved back by him. 

[unreadpoppy]

bg3, infographics, mysogyny and you

Preface: this is a long ass post that I wrote some many weeks ago, and that because of some stuff I've seen, I'm compelled to finally post it. It's very like a spurn of the moment thing, not extremely well thoght out but I still think it's relevant.

.

Recently, a few people have posted some, in my opinion, really insightful infographics showing the difference in content to how many works (in AO3) there are to the female characters vs the male characters of BG3 and I've been thinking about how it relates to fandom in general, but also...everything.

As a quick rundown, what happens is: almost all of the female characters have a lot less content when compared to their male counterparts (at least writing wise). And I think this is a great moment to stop and think on why is that.

There's a lot of point to begin with but I want to begin with something larger and that is the society most of us are raised in. Obviously, I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's fair to say that most people grew up in places that had its fair share of sexism and give it or take, that does shape how we view the world.

I'll speak from my own experience. Even thought I had a mostly liberal upbriging, I went to a very conservative school and when I was growing up, I saw a lot of videos on youtube that anaylized media in what i can only describe as "god forbid women do anything". Video after video, I saw people commenting on how x female character was a mary sue, how she made no sense and ruined the plot, so many video essays on the """strong female character trope"""" that would end up just enforcing gender roles again. And I'll be honest, this DID affect how viewed female characters.

The best example I can give of this is with bg3 itself. There was one day that I stopped and realized that Minthara was the first time I ever obsessed over a fem character as much as any male character. And the second thought I had after this was 'oh my god why???'

Why did I always cater more to the male characters than I did to the female ones, when most of the times, I liked a lot as well?

I'd like to point out that I've seen the topic of "Most fic authors are cis straight women" being brought up a lot and frankly, I'm not the biggest fan of it. First, because I think it's overall a very...heteronormative way of seeing stuff and it's assuming a lot of stuff that puts a sour taste on my mouth (as a queer woman myself, I really don't like that implication but that's on me). Second, because saying that 'obviously women are going to write more about men' feels very...weird. Third, I just think that this argument fails to really question the why of it all and gives too simple an answer to something is anything but.

One can make the argument that these female characters are written differently than the men, and yes that is true and it's even historical (I wrote a whole project on the invisibility of women in theater through the ages and a lot of it has to do with how women were written, but that's a story for another time).

But I don't think that's true for all cases. It's easy to blame an imaginary writer's room than question that you might have internal biases.

Because at least it's what happened to me. I grew up hearing how female characters were inferior to the male characters and it affected how I viewed them. It's something I had to stop and reevalute and it led me to appreciate characters I once loathed.

And it sucks to realize that. It sucks to realize that even as a woman myself, I was not immune to commiting sexism, that I hadn't fully outgrown the shit I saw as a kid. Does that make me a bad person? No. You're not to blame for being raised in a way that leads you to have certain prejudices.

But it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it.

And no, the solution is not to suddenly go write a bunch of femslash. Because no one is saying that you should feel ashamed for writing more for men, or forcing you to like female characters. But, I ask you to do something much simpler.

Think on the why. Why, even when we love female characters, we don't show them as much love as we do to the male ones. Why we might feel more compelled to write for the men than for the women. Because sometimes it's questioning ourselves that we can find something about us we didn't know and change how we engage with media.

And you can brush this off as just fandom stuff, but I think it does, in some ways, also reflect a bit on how we act as whole as a society. Hell, writing this whole thing made me think of how the way I was raised still interferes with my own sexuality (which is a very personal topic for me to get on here but it was worth mentioning). What I'm trying to say is that sometimes something small is an easier way for us to understand the bigger, systemic issues around us.

I know that it sounds like there's nothing to be done cause fandoms have always been like this. But, personally, this sort of conformity to the norm causes more harm then good. Things won't change unless you decide to do something about it. And the good thing about fandom is that it's small enough that doing literally anything can create some impact than, I don't know, trying to solve big, real life societal issues.

This is getting long so I'm gonna try to wrap this up quickly. No one is shaming you if you write or obsesses more or even care more about male characters than you do female ones. I just ask you to think about it and be honest with yourself. Because then maybe, just maybe, next time you engage with another media, you might end up enjoying a female character much more and obsessing over them just as much.

[juneberrie]

you always have been

thinking thoughts. *ೃ༄ this is very self indulgent im not sorry <3 btw the formatting is terrible 😭 also this is 1.5k words im so proud of myself its literally the longest fic i've ever written

pairing: jj maybank x fem!reader

fandom: outerbanks

warnings: swearing, mentions of being drunk, reader kind of pushes jj away, insecure!reader, stressed out!reader, mentions of jj's trash dad, fear of abandonment, sort of a smau? science hw (yes thats a warning science hw sucks), love confession, hurt/comfort <3

jj's instagram is a mess. it alternates between pictures of random objects, pictures of himself, and pictures of our friends.

lately, all of his pictures have been pictures of him and the pogues at keggers and on the boat. without me.

the most recent one is a blurry shot of him and kie at the boneyard. his hair is dripping wet and kie is holding up a red solo cup, beer sloshing over the side. the caption reads, "my brst girl 😋 ilysn kier.carrera" its so misspelled its obvious hes drunk, even without looking at the picture.

—————

↳ comments

-> jb.wifirouter ong your so drunk. ↳ heywpope its "youre" not "your" 💀 and you're durnk too ↳ sarahcamer0n lmaooo durnk

-> kier.carrera lol ilyt jj 💀 ↳ kier.carrera wsit wring emoji ❤️

—————

i groan and shut my phone off. kie knows i like jj. she's heard me rant about him since eighth grade. its fine, though. i need to focus on school. i get up and silence my phone, putting it into a drawer at my desk before going back to the papers sprawled on my bed.

science isn't my best subject, but i need this extra credit to bring my grade up. and, no pressure at all, this stupid extra credit is due by monday, at its literally sunday night. at least its pretty easy. all i have to do is write an essay about newton's laws and how they function in the "real" world. i sigh and open my textbook to the page on the first law, inertia.

as im scribbling down the beginnings of the paragraph about f=ma, my pencil breaks. well, how fucking dandy. i get up and head to my desk to grab a sharpener, and i pass the mirror next to my door.

i cringe away, then force myself to look back. the girl staring back at me is... not kie. not sarah. she's wearing a big oversized t-shirt she stole from jj and some shorts. her nail polish is chipped and her hair is practically crying for escape from the worn scrunchie.

i tear my gaze away and grab the sharpener. the clock on my desk reads 11:11 pm. i remember something kie said about making wishes at 11:11, so i think, why not give it a try? i squeeze my eyes shut and hope my wish gets to whatever magical star angel being is listening.

after i finish my essay, its 12:23 am. i grab my phone from the drawer and see a flurry of texts and instagram notifications assaulting my lock screen.

i ignore the texts — six from kie and eight from jj — and click open instagram.

my homepage is filled with pictures of the pogues at the kegger they're at. i can't help the pettiness that surges up inside me and i click on jj's most recent story, a video of him, kie, pope, john b, and sarah screaming the lyrics to bohemian rhapsody around a campfire.

—————

you replied to their story

yourinstagram looks like you're having fun :)

—————

i feel slightly terrible, but whatever. every single kegger they've been to this past week, i haven't been invited.

a text notification comes down onto my screen. it's from kie. the preview reads "im soo sorru"

what the hell? i immediately click on the text and i almost start crying.

—————

kie kie ml ♡

bro so dnt be mad but like i accidentally told jj that u liked him

im sorry

answer me please idont want yu to be mad

i dd;t mean to i swaer

y/n?? are you mad??

y/n pleeaas answre

im soo sorru

bro wtf.

ik im sorry but we were playing truuth or dsre and plpe asked if i had acrush on anybody and i sadi no i didn't but ik you did and the n jj asked who and im sorry :)

:(*** SORRY

whatever. go enjoy your kegger.

—————

what the everloving fuck. i specifically told her not to tell anyone, especially jj, and she goes and tells everyone and their mother. i've gotten a flurry of texts from pope, john b, sarah, and other pogues i suppose are at the kegger, all asking me if it's true i like jj. and, speak of the devil, jj himself has been texting me nonstop for the past thirty minutes.

—————

golden retriever lookin' mf 😋

haha kie jus told me the funnist shut

wait is she for real

wait n/n yuo like me

like fr fr?

brp answer me pls

y/nnnnnn

are you asleepo r somethinh 💀

y/n if you dpn't answer rn rn im going ovet to yiur house

—————

shit. jj can't come over right now. i look like a mess, and now im fucking crying. my gaze drifts back over to the mirror; my eyes are red and puffy and tears are streaming down my face and dripping down onto my (jj's) shirt.

—————

golden retriever lookin' mf 😋

jj please dont come over just stay at the kegger and have fun

nooo y/n im already on my wsy so its fine

—————

shit shit shit.

i throw my phone across the room and scream into my bedsheets. the pogues already didn't like me anymore; they had been going out and having fun without for weeks now, and now kie tells jj i like him? my life is fucking falling apart.

a knock at my window wakes me up from whatever sad haze i was trapped in for the last twenty minutes. jj's peering in and he smiles when he meets my gaze. i shake my head and turn away from him.

no bother letting him in, he'll probably just tell me that he doesn't like me back and to never talk to him again.

another knock, persistent, sounds from the window. i sigh and turn back.

i open the window but leave the screen up, so jj can hear me but he can't get in. "go away, j."

"nooo. wait, why are you cryiinggg?" he asks, the booze slurring his words.

"nothing. no reason. go away, please, jj," i say, my voice cracking.

his face softens and he seems to sober up a bit. "n/n, please tell me what's wrong. i hate seeing you sad," he whispers. fuck. i can't, i can't with the fucking blue eyes and the soft looks and the whispers. i open the rest of the window, and jj climbs in.

i crawl under the covers of my bed and face away from jj. i feel the bed dip next to me and he lays a warm hand on my back. its so casual, so domestic, that i want to laugh.

"sunshine, what's wrong? is this about what kie said?" he asks, gently rubbing my back.

the dam breaks. tears start flowing out of my eyes and i started shaking.

"it is about what kie said. i like you, jj, i really like you. no, i- i love you! i love you so much. i've loved you since i first saw you in mrs. williams' science class in eight grade and you laughed when she said that iron was discovered by the hittites. and i know you'll never love me back because— well— look at me! im not like kie, im not like sarah. i'm just... me! and i've been trying to pretend like you guys going to keggers everyday without me isn't a big deal because, hey, i'm swamped with school, even though its fucking intercession. and i knew if i told you, you'd hate me and you'd never talk to me again," i sob into my pillow.

jj is silent for a few seconds, still rubbing my back.

"i love you too, sunshine. i've loved you for the entirety of the time i've known you. and, you're right. you're not kie or sarah, but you're you. that's what i love about you. you are unapologetically yourself. and i'm sorry for not inviting you to the keggers. i just, i knew you were swamped and i know you don't really like parties 'nd drinking and shit. and i just want you to know that im so proud of you, honey, and— jesus, y/n. you're the only one for me. you always have been. you're the person who's been there whenever luke did something shitty to me, you've helped me with my homework, and gosh, dare i say it, you've helped me be a better person."

he chuckles. i feel him press a kiss to the back of my neck and gently bring me towards him so i'm basically in his lap. he wraps his arms around me and lays his head in the crook of my neck. we stay together in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

i sniffle. "i'm sorry, j."

"you're not the one who should be apologizing, sunshine. i love you, so much. i'm sorry if i made you feel like i'd never talk to you again or like you weren't enough; you are enough. you always have been."

[actuallyadhd]

ok so i want to know if that's just a me thing or a neurodivergent thing that more people experience. why can i only write the middle part of an essay? like, i can't write a somewhat decent introduction or conclusion to save my life. it was always a problem for me at school and it's even worse in college. what can i do?

apologies if that was a bit weird. i was diagnosed recently and i'm finding out SO many habits and traits i've always had are actually adhd, so it's a new yet very familiar thing too.

have a great day/night :)

Sent August 23, 2023

Writing can be really difficult for ADHDers, because of course there's this expectation that essays follow a linear thought progression and we don't necessarily follow the same kind of linear process that neurotypicals do.

When I'm not sure what a paper needs to include, I like to look at examples to make sure I get everything in the right order. For a scientific paper, it's easy enough to check a related journal article to see what the structure is and how they approach introductions and conclusions. It can be harder to find examples for personal essays, but there are books of essays that you can look at.

You might also like to check out your school's writing centre or disability services office. My university had both, and at the writing centre you could get tutoring in writing so that you could learn how to write at the level expected for university. (I didn't do the tutoring, I challenged with a writing test and didn't do well enough, so I had to take two English courses. I did really well in my courses and I am actually a good writer, the test was just timed and basically I had to turn in my rough draft no matter how poorly organized it was. And I wasn't great at the organization part for the type of essay I had to write for the test.)

Followers, do you struggle with writing essays for school? Which part is the hardest for you?

-J

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Dark SBI Mafia AU because I reread yours, and I watch too much General Hospital.

Techno is a struggling college student. Not struggling with grades, oh no. He has perfect grades. All of the assigned work? Too easy. What he actually struggling with? Money.

His asshole parents wanted him to stay local for college, but he wasn't going to do that. He was destined for greatness. He was a shoe-in for an ivy league school. He did fencing as an extra curricular, he had perfect grades, he had written KILLER entrance essays. It was a done deal. He was leaving his podunk small town and going off to become the next great american author.

But all of his applications were rejected.

Techno was incredibly upset with himself, thinking he had somehow messed up. But, after doing a little "legal adjacent" searching, he finds out his parents used shady connections to get his college apps rejected.

Instead of getting mad and calling them on it, he quietly (and quickly) applies to a different school. Not ivy league, but still having a FANTASTIC writing program.

He gets in and he tells his parents he is going to a different college than the community college and they flip their lid. It's a huge argument and Techno stomps out of the house and goes to stay with his friend Skeppy.

He stays with Skeppy until he graduates, completely ignoring everytime his parents try to contact him. He's 18, they can't do shit to make him go home. Skeppy is a good friend, and applies to the same school that Techno did (and gets in). Techno never told his parents WHICH school he was accepted to, because he didn't want them to sabotage him. So, he and Skeppy get an apartment together the Fall that school starts.

Hence why Techno needs money. He didn’t get as much scholarship money as he needed because he applied late. He's a shoe in to get more grants next year, but this year is pretty slim.

So, he starts a little business of writing people's essays for them.

Doesn't matter the subject, level, or length, Techno will write your essay for you. He charges by the grade. Oh, you only have $70? I can't get you more than a C on that one, bud. Like, Techno is really only in college for the diploma. He already knows all this crap. It's honestly a little boring to him. But if he wants to get a doctorate, he has to play the game. And, if anything, all the writing is just more practice for Techno.

His teachers are none the wiser. It's not like it pings a plagerism scan. Techno is writing each one individually. How would they know?

Well, one teacher knows. Or, at least suspects. But he can't prove it.

Anyways, Techno is all about that money grind, which gets a little hard when Skeppy starts throwing parties in their apartment.

Skeppy is polite about it. He always tells Techno ahead of time that parties are happening. He makes sure everyone knows that Techno's room is a No-Go. And honestly, Techno ABSOLUTELY advertises his essay sells at these parties. At least, he does so before people get too drunk and loud, and then he quickly retreats to his room. He had splurged on soundproofing. It's much more quiet.

However, one night he stays out at the library late and when he fights his way through Skeppy's party to get to his room he sees someone sleeping in his bed.

Wait, not sleeping, passed out absolutely WASTED.

And the guy...looks almost exactly like Techno.

That's weird. Seems like the start to a bad horror film. But Techno is too tired to deal with this and tries to shake awake the jerk that's snoozing in his bed.

He doesn't get anywhere with that. The lanky bastard doesn't wake at all but GOSH does be sleep slap! Bruh. Techno doesn't have time for this. Techno finds the guys wallet and phone and pulls up the emergency contacts.

He calls the option labeled Dad. Screw this guy, hopefully he gets chewed out by his dad for underage drinking or something.

A person answers, sounding annoyed that Wilbur ditched family night.

"Uh, I have your son."

Silence, and then the guy on the other end starts the threats, asking for demands and Techno backpedals hard, telling him that Wilbur is just drunk passed out in his bed and someone needs to come grab him.

The voice on the other end is just like "Oh, oops. Okay, I'll come grab him."

Techno has to drag mostly unconscious drunk Wilbur through the party. The dude is fighting him with every step. Techno is getting a WORK OUT.

Techno finally makes it out of his apartment and sees a very shiny black car. A driver steps out and opens a back door. Techno was assuming that he was just going to drop Wilbur in there before a blonde man steps out.

The guy is kind of staring until Techno breaks the silence. The guy hurries forward to help. Wilbur mutters nonsense as Phil sets him in the back of the car.

Phil thanks Techno and Techno brushes it off as no big. Until Phil offers money and hey, Techno isn't going to say no to money. And the guy gives him, like, $2000 cash. Is that sketchy? Yes. Does Techno care? Nope.

They say their goodbyes and Techno walks back into the apartment, a little exhausted.

He doesn't notice Phil staring after him like a hawk, before climbing into the car.

Phil maneuvers Wilbur's head into his lap. He looks down at his son, his oldest son who was born a twin. Who's twin was stolen when they were only DAYS old, Phil preoccupied with helping his wife who had had a really traumatic birth.

A twin he had thought dead, the person who had stolen his son having spit that in his face when he had slit their throat.

Phil pulled out his phone and started making calls.

When Wilbur starts hanging around Techno, he assumes that the guy wants a discount on essays. Fat chance. He charges Skeppy double, he's not giving this guy any leeway.

Yet Wilbur hangs around, constantly asking prying questions. Wanting to know more about Techno. Pestering Techno in the library. Following Techno to the dang bathroom.

The guy is relentless, but Techno isn't...bothered, per se. The attention is nice. Skeppy had made a new friend named Bad and spent a ton of time with him. He kept encouraging Techno to make more friends, too.

Well, what could another friend hurt?

It's surely fiiiineee.

Have a good day.

I kept this ask hostage for so long, it's been collecting dust in my ask box for over a MONTH. But only because I wanted to come back and keep rereading it. This is SO GOOD, and my brain has brrr thoughts in many different dimensions. Especially about how Techno's 'adoptive' parents could factor into this...

[shark-myths]

🍓 🥤 🌿 for the ask game!!!! <333

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction? 

one of my favorite k facts tbh. i invented fanfiction at jesus camp with my new friend eden. we clutched each other on a hillside while a god rock band performed below, puffy with mosquito bites and illicit ideas, and whispered to one another of the members of our mutual favorite band, what if they kissed each other? we were 13 years old. camp was so in-the-middle-of-nowhere you could see the whole milky way at night, the thickness of it. the grass got wetter and wetter the longer you sat in the dark, hiding from the flashlights of your counselors. every few breaths you'd see a shooting star, til you were numb to marvel, til that was just what the night sky looked like and you expected it everywhere. it was magic and no one had ever thought of it before, boys in bands kissing. when we went home to our separate cities, i started handwriting fic (decorated with gel pen! this was the year 2003) and mailing it to her in hot pink envelopes. imagine my surprise when i discovered the internet.

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

one of my favorite fics i ever read was a girl!one direction story about squirting. here it is: you change, water sea by got2ghost

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

love this question, as someone who has struggled in the workplace to maintain the same creative energy i had access to in school.

for creativity: read. read endlessly. try to understand on a granular, sentence-and-word-level, why you like the things you like; what makes a line funny, what makes a line scary, what draws you in to a writer's style vs pushes you out of it. what do the books you can't put down have in common? read things that challenge you--long-form novels, old novels, things way outside your preferred genres. and try to have lots of experiences in the time you aren't writing. try new things! paint something, walk down a block you've never been on, look in people's windows, cook a new meal, get coffee at a new place, go for a drive, listen to someone else's favorite record, listen to a record you hate actually, go to a new store and just look around, touch fabrics, dance, have conversations, travel for no reason, watch videos on youtube about new skills you don't intend to master. READ NONFICTION, especially essays. try to avoid doing the same things you're comfortable with or things that feel easy for a whole afternoon. bury yourself in sensation. chase pleasure. let yourself play.

for writer's block: write anyway--in a journal, in your fragmented notes file with ideas, edit or polish something that's already written, get one sentence out. i like to set a timer for 20 minutes and give it a proper try (this means staying off tumblr and my phone) and then, if it doesn't lead to anything, i'm off the hook guilt-free, because i made an effort. try writing in a different notebook, with a different pen, in a different place, even in a different font on your computer. set yourself challenges like, write a 100 word story. write a specific type of poem like a villanelle. respond to a prompt or create one for someone else. if there's a part of the story--or a different story--that feels more easeful to write and you're just trying to get there, skip to that part. to be quite honest, writing in a notebook away from technology is the #1 thing that helps me just keep moving. it breaks me out of distraction and perfectionism cycles. it feels good to fill pages, even if it's with words you don't even up using.

the other part is, accept that our brains won't do what they won't do. great writing is not created by use of force. the biggest thing i have learned about myself is that if i can't write, there's something wrong. maybe the characters in my story aren't making sense, maybe the plot is boring and readers will be just as bored as i am, maybe i need to go back and rewrite something to end up in a better place for the next scene, maybe i need a week off from a story because i'm burned out on it and i should write something else or nothing at all. but most often there's not something wrong with the story--there's something wrong with my life. i don't have the time or the energy; i'm giving too much of the best parts of myself to the wrong thing; i'm trying to write at the wrong time of day for my energy level; i checked my email first and now my concentration is entirely shot; i need to work fewer hours if i want to write more; i need more help around the house if i want to write more; i need to just let it be dirty for a while and skip my chores if i want to write more, etc. figuring out what you need to actually feel like writing--learn to feel that again!--and making it possible to set other things, even important things, aside in order to write when you feel it, is so huge for me. making a commitment to the practice of writing and not the product of it. if you're doing that, you can relax. take care of yourself and fix the imbalances in your life. the ideas will come. writing is organic and we are organisms. given space and time, things will always change from how they are right now. let yourself and your creative practice ebb and flow when it needs to instead of forcing it to be something it's not.

thank you for the ask darling sorry i ranted at you for twenty fucking minutes!!!

[itsbansheebitch]

Since this is becoming a relevant conversation again...

People are wondering why the ratio between mlm and wlw is so dramatic. This is reasonable question to ask, however, people's first explanation is misogyny. This is (mostly) incorrect.

if you watch Contrapoint's latest video (Twilight) she actually gets into the psychology of women reading mlm.

However, i think that she says it better than i do and you can watch her video to see her analysis. I'm hear to share my own experience.

I'm afab and I read more mlm than wlw. In fact, i barely read any wlw at all. That, to someone who's ready to scream "misogyny" wouldn't make sense to to ME liking women.

Here's the truth on why I read mlm more: I relate to male characters more. Now, you might suggest that this is because the male characters i read are better written, however, I disagree. I relate to male characters more because I was RAISED as a "boy." My father WAS misogynistic and was expecting a son. He got two daughters. Instead of changing his parenting style, I got raised with "men's issues."

Men's issues meaning, an expectation to not just be good, but be The Best(TM). An expectation to never share or show emotion. An expectation to treat ever hobby like it will be a job, contraetc

HOWEVER! I was also raised as a "girl" because of his misogyny. This made me have "women's issues."

Women's issues meaning, an expectation to settle for the bare minimum, an expectation to stay quiet & not speak up & not advocate for myself, an expectation to be a housewife and to focus on my looks above my self worth. etc

This means that when female characters complain about how "men don't know how to communicate, yadda yadda UUGGGHH MEN" I always cringe because I AM that person. I can't communicate like other girls (literally). I wasn't taught to communicate. I was taught to hide my feelings and bottle my emotions up. All I hear is characters berating each other for not communicating when the writers don't realize that it is NOT THAT EASY. Any communication skills I've learned is from reading & writing essays for school.

I just can't relate to girls that complain about that sort of thing because I have the issues they complain about. As someone who's afab, raised with the worst of both worlds, take it from me:

The Amount of Emotional Repression that Men Experience on a Daily Basis is Cruel and Inhumane.

If you won't listen to them tell you that, then you will listen to me.

Because of this, I find myself relating more to male characters. So yes, I will continue to read mlm more than wlw. Until people actually talk about men's issues in a kinder manner and write character accordingly, I will continue to read mlm. That's not misogyny. That's me looking for characters with similar life experience to me. I'm sure SOMEONE reads more mlm because of misogyny, but they are the MINORITY.

Put away your pitchforks and Mind. Your. Business.

[nobodyfamousposts]

After reading your “Why Lila Fails” essay, I want to ask what would you do to make her a better character/antagonist? Because as much the writers did succeed on making Lila unlikable, I do think her writing feels a bit clumsy.

The problem is that they didn't make Lila unlikeable so much as they made her unenjoyable. And yes, there is a difference between the two. It's part of the reason the old school Disney villains remain widely popular and memorable. They do nothing to make the villains likable, but they certainly do everything to make them fun to watch. And interestingly enough, sometimes THAT'S gets people to like them more.

Look, sometimes we just want a good villain. Not one with a sad backstory thrown in retroactively to try to make them seem like the victims after the fact. Not one that is suddenly said to have a HeelFaceTurn despite them doing nothing to be redeemable. Not one with retconned sympathetic motives to try and make them relatable while ignoring the unarguably horrible actions they take. Just a villain who is a villain and who is GOOD at being a villain.

But part of what makes the villain enjoyable is how they scheme and how we get to see their plans working out. They have their vices and selfish reasons for messing with the heroes as well as their evil plans, and It's also what makes their eventual comeuppance so satisfying. But for that to work, they need to be unlikeable based on their actions rather than a setup. There needs to be a reason for what they do and a reason for why they're able to succeed in what they want to do.

Lila doesn't have any of that. Which is sad, because there are so MANY ways that Lila could have been awesome as an antagonistic character.

So that being said, I would do one of a few things.

One, go with the Miraculous Rogues concept. Have the appearance of Lila also introduce that there are other Miraculous out there besides those of the heroes and Hawk Moth and be the starting point that expands on the magic and lore. This immediately gives Lila more purpose in the story and was honestly what most fans were originally hoping for from her in the first place. In addition, have Lila have a Miraculous that she has either knowingly or unknowingly been using which bolsters her lies. This would open Lila up to becoming a villain in her own right and gain more power with her Miraculous, and in turn boosts Lila as a threat.

Two, make Lila someone else's rival. Marinette already has Chloe as her main bully antagonist and Kagami works better as a viable non-antagonist romance option for Adrien. Adding Lila to either/both is just excessive unless Chloe is actually going to get a redemption arc and stop being an antagonist.

It has already been pointed out that there is a perfect setup for Alya and Lila to be rivals with both being Fox-based. Add to this in that Alya is known for seeking and revealing truth while Lila is a manipulative liar. Plus Lila claiming to be Ladybug's best friend and Alya actually BEING Ladybug's best friend? Come on, we could have had them be foils for each other as both seek acclaim and popularity albeit in different ways. We could have had Lila create an Anti-Ladyblog where she and Alya keep competing as Lila tries to make up lies about the heroes while Alya tries to make the truth known. After all, Lila apparently spent months hiding away at home after Volpina, it'd make sense if she was actually doing SOMETHING with that time than just sulking.

Alternatively, if Chloe redemption was really going to be in the cards, Lila could be HER rival. Imagine how easy it would be for Lila to paint herself as a victim if she targeted Chloe instead of Marinette? The classmates wouldn't look nearly as bad for believing her over Chloe because of Chloe's history, so their distrust of her would seem reasonable. Furthermore, this would be so much simpler for Lila to do than constantly making outrageous claims that she can't keep straight. In turn, this would make Lila appear intelligent as she would be using information she could easily gain to promote herself in the eyes of her classmates by setting up Chloe and making herself out to be a victim—the sort of lie that all of them, even Marinette, would be inclined to believe. Instead of getting their sympathy for various ailments she reasonably shouldn't be able to fake for any extended period of time, she would gain their support and protection from an actual perceived threat. This could also be Chloe's test of character as she's trying not to backslide after the false accusations. It would also serve as a comparison for two different types of bullying, with Chloe being must more openly aggressive and straightforward so people she deals with KNOW she's a bully while Lila is being underhanded and manipulative in such a way that those around her don't realize it.

Or hell, have her be ADRIEN'S rival. Heaven knows he needs one. How would he be able to manage with a liar trying to make him look bad to his friends and family? Suddenly trying to compete with him as a model? Spending more time with his father than even HE is? It'd give Adrien an actual conflict he'd need to address and possibly some development.

Three, change the dynamics. Instead of Lila being an antagonist for both Marinette and Ladybug, maybe have her like Marinette well enough while hating Ladybug. Other fans and creators have made content along these lines and it's immediately more interesting than what's happening in the show. It would also do more to expand on Lila's character.

Four, reveal her motivations or at least plot out her plans more. SHOW, don't tell! Ultimately, it needs to boil down to answering "What is Lila doing and WHY?" In canon, we can certainly guess at a few things, but we have very little reason or understanding of Lila's motivations or thought process. She shows up and is lying to everyone out the gate. She takes high risk/low reward actions and seems to genuinely expect them to just work out in her favor with no real planning or effort on her part. The biggest problem is that it isn't really clear in canon just what she's trying to accomplish. What is she wanting to have happen in any of the setups she's involved in and how are her specific lies supposed to help with that in the long term? How would she even know her plans would work? What even is her end goal? We can guess, but canon doesn't really make it clear.

Five, set up a better stage. Given that Marinette was apparently out of school when Lila first arrived, take advantage of that and show that Lila's already started setting up a groundwork instead of a kingdom. She should have had a few days to interact with Adrien by the time the Volpina episode started so maybe already show her and Adrien interacting like acquaintances. Then instead of having her immediately jump to lying about Ladybug when she should have no way of knowing that Adrien likes her specifically, just have her trying to interact with Adrien at first and trying to get close by sharing in his interest...and then SHOW her be frustrated when Adrien gushes on and on about Ladybug. At length. At least if it's clear to her that Adrien is THAT crazy about Ladybug, then Lila would have a reason to target Ladybug specifically in her lies.

Six, have consequences. So much about Lila would be more bearable and less grating if she at least had to deal with some fallout of her own lies. Either because people realize she's lying or because they take her lies seriously and act accordingly. Have something backfire on Lila so she doesn't always win. This has the double effect of giving some satisfaction in resolution of her storyline/plot of the episode while also building up Lila's own frustrations and reasons to want to succeed.

Of course, those are just what come to mind when I'm half-asleep, so take it as you will. I may have others in the future.

[freddie-77-ao3]

Emoji ask game:

🤨😉🕷️🐦‍⬛😝

First thing I notice about a person:

I don't know what the first thing I notice lol. I think it's just whatever is the most 'noticeable'. i'm pretty oblivious in general so things don;t typically stand out to me.

Favorite hobbies:

hmmm. so, you know, writing and reading are absolutely two of my biggest things-- I do primarily write fanfiction right now-- or rather, that's what I post-- but I do write essays for fun when I've got the time/energy to do a bunch of research. I think I like writing them about the same. Also, hockey of course-- luckily there are pick up games most nights in the summer, and when college starts again, so do sports. Also sports wise, running is great (when I have the energy and lung capacity+low pain, which is pretty rare). Outside of that, you know, I'll weave a little, but that's about it. sometimes I do pot holders too-- easy enough to make, and there's always someone who'll take a pot holder or two so I don't end up with 50 pot holders in my closet like I did when I was ten lol.

A phobia:

I think I only have one phobia?

Needles, I was actually perfectly fine with when I was a young kid. I didn't feel the pain, so I didn't really get the point in being afraid of them, plus I was a chronically ill kid so I was around needles for IVs and blood draws and sometime glucose monitoring a lot. anyway, that changed when I was eight.

I was in the hospital again... not actually sure what it was that time-- I think I might have fallen? anyway, whatever it was for, I needed a CT scan with contrast, and had to get an IV. but at this point I'd been in the exam room for five hours, and i'd not eaten or drank anything all day before that, so I was pretty dehydrated, you know? and so there was this nurse that like. was pretty young, probably fresh out of school and he was trying to get the IV in and.

he couldn't get it in. I was counting the pokes. he tried 36 times. I was screaming. he couldn't get it in. eventually an older nurse came in and did it but like. that was heavily traumatizing so.

Embarrassing fact about me:

other than every fact about me? my crush told me she liked me and i ran away and we never spoke about it again and we're still best friends and I still like her. that's a top tier one. might have shared that one before.

also very embarassing but the way my family's kitchen is set up I need to climb up on a chair pretty much every time I cook or I can't reach everything I need.

Favourite quote:

only one?

rats. i'm really bad at picking favourites. (seriously I almost never answer favourite questions honestly because there's so much decision making, so anyone here's a couple top ones)

"because I’m hungry and hollow and just want something to call my own. " richard siken. to me the something here is always someone.

"A meltdown feels to me like epilepsy of the emotions—all circuits firing madly, set off by a trigger just as epilepsy can be set off by flashing lights. I have as little control of it—" this is from an account of having autism from an older person and it just always resonated with me. first read it right after I had a pretty big public meltdown though, so that's probably why i got so attached to it.

"Your co-workers ask if everything’s okay and you tell them you’re just tired. And you’re trying to smile. And they’re trying to smile." Richard Siken. Just vibes, i don't know what to tell you.

[stargazer-sims]

Place: School Cafeteria

Character: Victor

Object: three rubber bands

Weather: calm and cool

Here’s another one @dandylion240. I realized I kind of messed it up because it doesn't take place inside the school cafeteria (but at least the cafeteria got a mention)

—————

It all started with three large rubber bands that Leo had taken from his dad’s office, which he showed to Victor and Ellie yesterday morning on the way to school. He said they were “the good elastics” and would make the best slingshots.

“We can try them after school,” Leo said. “Maybe set up a contest to see who can knock the most empty milk cartons off the fence.”

Victor’s thirteen-year-old brain could not resist the idea of any kind of competition, but after school wasn’t going to work for him. “It’ll have to be during lunch. I have soccer practice right after school.”

“And I have to go to my mom’s,” Ellie said. “She’s picking me up from school today. Ugh.”

That settled it, of course.

At lunch, the three of them hurried to the cafeteria, trying to get there first so they wouldn’t have to waste too much time standing in line. They each bought milk and a sandwich, and then dashed outside.

The fence along one side of the school parking lot is wooden and the railing is flat on top. It was perfect for what they planned to do. So, after gobbling their sandwiches and draining their milk cartons in record time, they filled their pockets full of little rocks from the decorative fake tree planters in front of the school and then ran to set up their contest.

They only had three milk cartons, but that didn’t matter. It was easy enough to collect them and put them on the fence rail again after each person’s turn. Victor was having fun, and he was pleased that his cousin’s claim about the elastic bands was accurate. They really were the good ones.

It was all going great until they were spotted by the vice-principal.

"Hey! What are you kids doing over there?"

Startled by the vice-principal's shout, both Ellie and Victor turned around. Ellie had been just about to take her turn, and she somehow unleashed her rock directly at a car. Ellie's rock hit the vehicle's door with a dull metallic 'thunk', and as it fell to the ground, Victor could see a small dent in the car's door.

His first thought was Wow... impressive! These really are the good elastics!

His very next thought was. Oh crap! We're definitely gonna be in big trouble now.

Unfortunately, he was not wrong.

And that's why he, Ellie and Leo are currently sitting in a classroom during their lunch break, eating sandwiches brought from home, and being monitored by a teacher who looks like he totally does not want to be here. They're missing out on Pizza Friday in the cafeteria, and Victor has lost the chance to play outside with his other friends on such a calm and cool autumn day. Davian, Chloë and Jacob are probably kicking a ball around the soccer field right now, and he's missing it because he's stuck in detention from yesterday's lunch hour escapade. Ugh.

He wants to get up and look out the window, but he can't. He's supposed to stay in his seat and write a short essay about responsible behaviour on school grounds. He's not sure what to write. Staring down at the paper in front of him, he guesses what he's got so far likely won't satisfy the vice-principal at all.

What I learned is, if you're going to do questionable stuff on school grounds, make sure nobody catches you.

[handsomehomage]

I've been watching a lot of TV this month as I finish my work and am plagued with thoughts about the state of entertainment. I saw a good post about advancements in YouTube ads, but I can't find it, so I wanted to write out my own thoughts in case I need this later.

This is the only site I will ever fully trust, despite the recent events in censorship. I am grateful for the opportunity to see only what I requested to see - with the odd ad here and there - in the order and at the pace which the author intended for me to see it.

I recently upgraded my gaming and TV setup and have been disappointed by the ever-presence of ads in those products I already purchased. Custom backgrounds on PS consoles have been replaced with forced exposure to ads and an ugly grey backdrop. My TV opens to a slew of ads 'for you' rather than the channels I actually own and enjoy watching. Of course I could go offline on both these machines and lose access to the social features. These private spaces have been invaded by The Corporations. Yes I played Cyberpunk (the pen and paper RPG).

I have been on the internet long enough to have experienced Google search, YouTube and the birth of social media at its finest. When your online hobbies and interests were detached from your IRL persona. When only weirdos and artists had substantial online presence. I had a robust internet friendgroup via a UK site related to my MMO of choice. Some of us met IRL with the approval of our parents and continued to be friends through life's ups and downs.

We had internet safety courses at school. We understood how to organize our virtual workspaces, because that functionality was transparent to us and adults knew more about the devices than kids did. We were taught WikiPedia was unreliable because of its open-source nature, and now the tables have turned making it the only source for information unmotivated by profit. We knew to ask the 'who/what/when/where/why' questions about online resources. I followed all the drama this year about YT plagiarism and I honestly think it's simpler than people wanting to take advantage of their audience. I do not think new internet users can always discern the difference between information and entertainment. Are you making this video essay because you have something new to say about the topic? Or because you want to entertain your fans while you bond over a shared interest? There is room for both, but the lines between them are too blurry.

Now I work as a tech educator. Most kids don't understand where the information they see online is coming from. Ads are disguised as posts on your social media of choice. Search has been replaced with AI summaries that funnel information into a narrow perspective on the topic. They are integrated into your technology and need to be turned off with each update.

My time is precious. My attention and energy are important resources. I will not be swayed by something that overtly preys on my attention, time and energy. I will always respond to ads with resentment because I know how to discern them from actual online interactions. Some people don't know to do that. Of course AI content would flourish in a market where it is so easy to invade users' thoughts.

Let's all help each other out - Tumblr is a great space for the sharing of knowledge. I hope I can look at this post after the trend has changed and think more positive thoughts :D

Here's a pic of my cat watching me watch YT while typing this. Have a great summer!

[cosmicrhetoric]

tagged by the incomparable @briarhips to post nine book recs <3 sorry so many of these are classics im going thru smth

Sense and Sensibility, Jane Austen: This is MY Austen of choice. I'm doing a reread atm and it's very Emma in it's social commentary but this is THEE eldest daughter book of all time. Maybe I just like when characters are super repressed but if you want to see a woman (who has spent 200 pages being soooo hinged) have the most cathartic breakdown about it......

Identitti, Mithu Sanyal: For fans of Kuang's Yellowface who want a bit more of an academic lens! Our main character, a 2nd gen Indian-German woman, spends years of her life in the trenches of postcolonial study under a seemingly Indian woman who is then exposed as white. It doesn't give you any easy answers but it provides a lot of scholarly resources and leaves a lot of space to come to your own conclusions. Read it on a plane. Kinda fire.

Eros the Bittersweet, Anne Carson: We all know Carson. But I'm picking a nonfiction essay instead of Autobiography of Red or her translations mostly because this one takes you behind the curtain of a lot of her famous translations when it comes to the aspect of love. I'm not really nonfiction girl in general but this was worth it

Chain Gang All Stars, Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah: Speculative abolitionist fiction! Set in a near future where prisoners can compete in death matches to try and win their freedom. I've honestly read nothing like this...ever, like it's in a league of it's own but if you're a fan of the way footnotes were used in something like Babel you're gonna wanna check this out. Multiple povs (really interesting pov switching from a craft perspective actually) overlap to paint a stark and realistic depiction of American prisons.

The Devourers, Indrapramit Das: This was described to me as "IWTV but with werewolves and in Mughal India and actually really good" and while that's a pretty comprehensive plot summary it does not even begin to cover the shit this novel goes through. This is a book about transformation and stories and what letting a story live in you can do for you. The werewolves are kinda obviously a genderqueer allegory as well (as they often are in sff lmao) but when the interviewer himself starts talking about gender in his experiences you can see how that changes the story he's transcribing and it's just very cool. Heavy trigger warnings on this one though. Don't read if you can't handle a bit of piss (they are wolves). Writing style wise feels very similar to the magical realism of The Hungry Tide if that's ur bag

The Mill on the Floss, George Eliot: In the way that s&s is my Austen, this is MY Eliot. A classic story about women of this era who cannot fit into the boxes society lays out for them. A failed romance brands the main character an outcast in their town in a way that is. Hear me out. Fucking Utenaesque. Follow for some classic tragedy and themes of water....I would compare this more with like Dickens Bleak House than Austen though.

Villette, Charlotte Bronte: Once again. MY Bronte. Maybe it's just cause I read this before Jane Eyre but literally I do not understand why Miss Eyre gets so much more love than my girl Lucy. In broad strokes the story is about an English girl who ends up having to support herself by moving to France and becoming an English teacher at a girls boarding school. She's also plagued by a terrifying apparition of a nun, because this is Charlotte we're talking about and there's a bit of Catholic v Protestant thing going on. I read this during the very early pandemic and let me tell you some of the descriptions of isolation and loneliness are soooooo. yeah.

Monstrous Regiment, Terry Pratchett: Listen. Like, listen. It's that good. I wouldn't put a discworld novel up against fucking chain gang all stars unless it was THAT good. This is a classic 'girl dresses up as a boy and goes to war to find her brother' story. It definitely started as a commentary on folk songs/stories but it is at it's heart a novel long criticism of imperialism, nationalism, and organized religion (there's jokes though it's funny). Also not to be that guy when it comes to LGBTQ book recs but the thing came out in 2002 and it's surprisingly thoughtful when it comes to both gender and sexuality. You do not have to be a fantasy fan or a discworld fan to read this. If you gave Pratchett a try and didn't like it i STILL insist you give MR a shot. It is in a league of it's own.

Wives and Daughters, Elizabeth Gaskell: Do not be scared off by the sheer length of this one. It's fucking silly. This is one of my faaaaaaaave 1800s novels about class. We have juxtaposition between Molly's family (her father is a gentleman but a working doctor) and the landed gentry but also this divide between the uneducated Squire and his Cambridge bound sons and another one with the 'new money' gentry. There's also quite a lot of early science and anthropology documented in this (Gaskell and Darwin were besties) if that's interesting to you. WARNING: SHE DIED BEFORE SHE FINISHED THIS. ITS LIKE 99% DONE THOUGH

This was a hard list to narrow down but I have to include (at least as honorable mentions): Ling Ma's Severance/Bliss Orange, Cixin Liu's Three Body Problem and the SFF POC anthology New Suns

tagging: @weltonreject @bronskibeet @gaymersrights @orchidreign @brechtian + any and all mutuals i know ive forgotten <3

[cicadidae-tm9899]

Ok i want to share my Disco Elysium skills because writing this is way harder than i thought it'd be lmao. This will be a long post bc there are 24 of these and I'm writing a description for all of them, so check under the cut if you're interested in reading me psychoanalyze myself! (also I'm sorry for how many culinary references there are in the skill names and also in the fic. Like, the fic is about me going to school which is just a shitton of cooking. I spend like 75% of my day in various kitchens so it's kinda hard to avoid mentioning it when talking about myself lol.)

Intellect- •Logic = Inference: With so many silent communications and unwritten social cues, the best some of us can do is infer meaning in everyday life. Having done this for so long has left you with the skill to guess at things and somehow make it out of the situation correct.

•Encyclopedia = Scribe: A penchant for writing essays and sessions reading the dictionary with your dad has left you with a dramatic vocabulary and a tendency to regurgitate information on a whim. It only seems to work while writing, as your speech patterns are long-winded and stumbling.

•Rhetoric = Embellishment: You have never been good at debating, always stumbling over your words and overthinking every possible retort until the time for response has passed. You are, however, great at hyperbole, and can make up stories on the fly whenever necessary. This is a defense mechanism.

•Drama = Attitude: A term coined by your parents after many an overreaction, Attitude would likely be better understood as just Drama, but the shame of subpar emotional regulation skills is easier to deal with than explaining to people that sometimes your emotions are too big and even you don't think it's that big of a deal, but yelling helps sometimes.

•Conceptualization = Creativity: Always the artist, right? Without the technical skill to translate ideas to paper all you can do is dream, and you've done plenty of dreaming in your day. A vivid imagination is as much of a curse as it is a blessing, so try not to let your mind wander too far again.

•Visual Calculus = Conversion: You've always been keen on "eyeballing it." Trusting your instincts and past experience when measuring things, whether it be in a recipe or gauging someone's reaction to something, you always feel like you can get the ratios just perfect. You are often wrong.

Psyche- •Volition - Discretion: Weaker than it should be for someone of your age. Always being forced into situations against your will has led to a warped sense of what you want and why you want it. You really should focus more on your own feelings.

•Inland Empire = Apprehension: Thanks to your sense of Empathy, your trust has been worn down by other people taking advantage of you. It's easy to back out of sketchy situations, but when it comes to someone's feelings you are almost always the last to leave. Once again, listen to the nagging in the back of your mind. It means well.

•Empathy = Empathy: Your father always said you were the most empathetic person he knew. This is often detrimental to yourself and your loved ones, as you always seem to gravitate towards the saddest people and give them everything you have without concern for your own well-being. This has always had long-term consequences.

•Authority = Privilege: You know you have no right to take as much as you do, and you try to help fight for everyone's rights, but it is becoming increasingly hard to ignore how good you have it and how much you take advantage of that. You can't help but feel like you deserve it.

•Esprit de Corps = Brigade de Cuisine: In almost everything, there is a hierarchy. Always a bigger fish, always a higher power. Remember that you are low on the food chain, and you will have to claw your way to the top even if it kills you (It will.)

•Suggestion = Proposition: You have spent years perfecting the art of white lies. They come easily to you, almost as easily as breathing. This has caused as much good as it has bad, saving you from minor inconveniences on many occasions but also digging you deeper into pits of guilt. This too is a defense mechanism (one that would be leagues more effective if you could manage to keep your mouth shut.)

Physique- •Endurance = Grit: Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. You've made it this far and you sure as hell ain't gonna quit now. If you don't make it through this bit then everything leading up to this was for nothing so keep going. The pain is a privilege.

•Pain Threshold = Discomfort: Yet another symptom of your parent's judgements, it feels less like you're determining a level of pain and more like fighting a losing battle with your body, always trying to find a small bit of comfort in the midst of the constant aches and pains. They say it's rude to sit like that in church.

•Physical Instrument = Incarnate Vehicle: Threadbare seats, chipped paint, and mysterious creaking sounds be damned, this MC still gets you from place to place with undeterred consistency. It will squeal and groan with the effort, but you were built strong and you want to show it. Deteriorating but still reliable.

•Electrochemistry = Hedonist: With your upbringing, you spent many years shielded from the world and all the delights it offers. No amount of school assemblies have deterred you from yearning to partake in the myriad of vices you find yourself offered. Let's make up for lost time, baby! Get out there and get wild. This shitty college town is your oyster and it's been waiting for you.

•Shivers = Tumbleweed: There's a specific kind of nostalgia that washes over you when you spot a tumbleweed meandering across your path. Echoes of past droughts and moments spent poolside. This debris has seen more than you ever could, and will continue its journey until the end of time.

•Half-Light = Panic: That creeping dread you know all too well, crawling up your spine anytime you go outside. What if he's here again? He could have found you. Ever-present anxiety always keeping you on your toes, making even the familiar feel hostile. Prey instinct.

Motorics- •Hand/Eye Coordination = Knife Skills: You have been training for years to improve your coordination, and all that work has certainly paid off. Precise cuts made without a second glance, measured to the millimeter with only your muscle memory. A perfect julienne in seconds.

•Perception = Awareness: You often find yourself favoring smaller details over the bigger picture. This had led people to believe that you don't pay attention, when in reality you pay more attention than most. Always noticing small inconsistencies. Your hearing is going, but it only takes you a second longer than others to understand, and the chronic allergies have left you with a subpar sense of smell, but your eyes are sharp and your fingers can detect the most minuscule details.

•Reaction Speed = Reflex: You know that a falling knife has no handle, and yet you still flinch in the direction it flew. Even still, all you ever do is flinch. The instinct to grab the knife is inhibited by your seeming inability to truly act. Keep flinching, maybe someday your hand will move at the right time and you'll catch the knife.

•Savoir Faire = Charm: You always want people to think you have it together, so you spend time and money and energy to look the part, and then turn up the charisma when someone looks your way. They cannot see the you that hides behind flashy clothes and makeup. You do not like what they would see. You know it's only a grocery run, but maybe this time someone will take notice. So always have a joke ready. Make sure even your lazy clothes look decent.

•Interfacing = Tech Support: A summer spent in a dingy office with a borrowed computer and expensive camera equipment has lent you a decent amount of knowledge with computers. Though it isn't much more substantial than anyone else your age, it has earned you plenty of compliments from older family members or coworkers.

•Composure = Mask: Try not to react. They will know exactly what thoughts are in your head if your face moves even the slightest bit, so you mustn't let them know how you feel. Keep those big feelings down, big fella. Keep those walls tall.

[funnier-as-a-system]

Hey, I just recently got diagnosed with DID. Do you have any ways to (gently) tell everyone that they can't front right then because it's important?

Hm, gentle communication... I'm not sure we can help you too much there, as we tend to favor blunt communication in our system, and sometimes gentleness is sacrificed for bluntness, but we can try.

This is a situation that I would say calls for giving a reason to support what you're saying. That may sound like a school teacher's instructions for writing an essay, but all you're doing is letting your headmates know why you don't want them to front at that moment. Some examples would be:

"I'm in the middle of something right now, and don't want to lose my place. Do you mind waiting until I'm done?"

"I'm worried that something might be forgotten if we switch right now, and this is important, so it's important that we don't forget anything. You can front in a short while once I've recorded everything/finished this important task/reached a stopping point/(whatever deadline you want to give yourself involving whatever the important thing is), okay?"

"We're not in a good spot to switch right now. Once we're in a safer/better place to switch, you can front."

You may have noticed that all of these examples also involve a compromise, where you promise whoever wants to front that they can front later. If a headmate wants to front, a flat-out refusal can be seen as rude (though there's definitely situations where it's called for), and they may not listen to you out of stubbornness and frustration at what they think is just you brushing them off. As such, letting them know you care about what they want by promising them a turn fronting later significantly decreases the chances of them force fronting despite what you want. Plus, asking a favor of someone (in this case, asking them to wait) is often a pretty easy way to win their favor in turn, because most people like feeling helpful, especially to someone who respects their desires.

There's no one perfect way to ask something of your headmates. As you get used to asking things of them and are asked things in turn, you'll probably work out more preferred ways to ask them to wait for a turn to front. But in the meantime, we hope this helps!