#Which leads me to believe that either a) someone else had than’s job

[outsideratheart]

It started as a lie (Leah Williamson x F1!Reader) - SNIPPET

A/N: Sorry, Sorry, Sorry. I know it’s later than I said but here’s the a snippet of my upcoming Leah fic.

It wasn’t often that you found yourself in London if not for work but tonight was different. You had been invited to The Emirates as a guest of the club to watch Arsenal play Manchester United. It wasn’t something that was at the top of the list especially when you were preparing for the final races of the season. Still, here you were cheering on the Arsenal.

After the game finished your manager tells you that there’s someone that wants to meet you before escorting you into a conference room.

There at the longer than normal table sits Leah Williamson who you found out minutes before the game had suffered a shoulder injury which would sideline her for the rest of the year.

“Y/N, I believe you know Leah Williamson” your manager turns your attention to the blonde.

“We’ve met briefly at Silverstone this year. She was in Aston’s garage” you said a bit sourly.

“I was a guest" she says which earns a nod of the head from you.

The two of you sit in silence as your managers seemingly discuss something mentally. You can see them looking at each other then their eyes go to you and Leah.

Subtly you steal a glance at the woman beside you and it takes everything in you not to stare. Leah was at the forefront of women's football and it seemed that her face was all over your socials not that you were complaining. Leah on the otherhand felt very nervous in your presence. The energy that radiated from you was unlike anything she had felt before. 

"You are two of the most popular and influencial women in sport right now" Leah's manager tells you.

"Multiple brands want to work with you but all of the big ones say the same thing" your manager looks at you when she says this because she knows you know what is about to say.

"They cannot invest or have someone be the face of their brand if they do not know who that person is" you finish her sentance with an evident annoyance in your tone.

You push your chair back and begin pacing the room. This is not new information but you still cannot figure our why you are once again being told this only tonight it's at The Emirates.

"Y/N" Leah has a gentle look on her face "come sit down and they can tell us why we're here" 

"Sorry Leah, I don't like-"

"Not knowing? Me too"

The two of you find a small level of comfort know that the other also has no idea why they were here nor did they like not knowing.

Your managers a share a look thats says 'this is a good sign'.

"As I was saying before you interupted" you mumble an apology which earns a chuckle from Leah "Brands what to know the people who are representing them and you two are very secretive with your personal lives"

This didn't come without reason. You and leah were under a huge spotlight and it lead people to believe that had a right to know everything about you. This is something both of you disagreed with. If it is related to the track or the pitchen then yes they can know but everything else is off topic.

"You are also two of the most marketable athletes in the world right now. We wouldn't be doing a good job as your managers if we didn't want to act on this" Leah's manager, who's name you still don't know, says.

You didn't know this woman but you didn't like what she was saying. If Leah's sharp intake of breathe is anything to go by then she wasn't happy about it either.

"I have a feeling neither of us are going are going to like what you're going to say next so why don't you get to the point" this had already pissed you off and you didn't even know what this was.

"I'm with Y/N. You are both dancing around which means you know we won't like it"

The managers once again remained silent which was a mistake on their point. The longer they leave you and Leah waiting they know the worse the reaction will be.

"We think you would both benefit if you were to be seen more together in public"

You didn't understand what the blonde's manager was getting at. 

"Is this your way of asking for garage passses? Being in Mercedes' garage would be much more fun that Aston's" you laughed. If this is all they wanted they could have asked. This meeting really wasn't neccessery.

"Leah will be in the garage much more often but not as your guest, as your girlfriend"

"What the fuck?" Leah was shocked at what she was hearing and she wasn't the only one.

"Leah's right. What the fuck. She isn't my girlfriend, tonight is the first time we have met"

The two of you were beyond confused and growing more agitated.

"We have been talking about this for a while now and the two of you will start a relationship or you will as far as the public is aware. The fans will eat this up and sponsors will love the two of you together"

"Don't get me wrong, Leah you are beautiful but my focus is on my career. I am near the end of the season and am battling Lewis for the championship"

"Thank you" Leah wanted to blush at the compliment but there were bigger things to adress "You know I'm focusing on this season and the Euros are next summer"

Your manager's knew that you two would fight the decision and that is why they aren't asking for your permission. 

"We both know you are focused on your career but that is why this makes sense. You are both very similar. Please try this"

"What happens?" You ask. You weren't happy with this but you always made sure to find out all the information before making a decision.

"Do we go on a date, see if this is a good match and go from there?" Leah also wanted to know the logistics of this stunt.

"Not exactly. The contract would be for just over one year" Leah's manager explains.

"The two of you will be, as far as the public knows, exclusive until the end of next year's Formula 1 season"

There were too many things in the two sentences that didn't sit well with you. Contract and one year were the two big ones.

"I'm am focusing on winning the championship and you don't think I can do that without being in a relationship?" you looked your manager dead in the eye as this question was aimed directly at her.

"and as for you, sorry I never got your name" you turned your attention to Leah's manager "Leah is going to captain England next year and you think now is the best time to start a relationship, a fake relationship?"

The woman beside you liked that you were thinking of her and truth be told you were much better at voicing your opion that she was. Leah was at a complete loss for words.

"We suggest you tell a couple of friends, ones that you trust, so that they can help sell the relationship. The strategy is to do this on social media"

Strategy. Clearly the two of them have thought long and hard about this arrangement,

"I won't tell my parents. They would expect better of me and I cannot lie to them" Leah explains.

"but if you—"

"You heard Leah, no parents. You have brought this to us and make it clear that is isn’t a choice. What is a choice is who we lie to because that is what you are asking us to do. Also, no contract”

All of you agree the terms and what the next year will look like. Leah will come to as many races as she can, including the next two seen as though she cannot play and the physio’s instructions right now are no physical activity. You will try to make it to as many Arsenal or England games which will be little due to the race schedules. 

Tonight has been a lot for both you and Leah so when the evening comes to a close you are both glad to be going home. 

“Leah, maybe Y/N could take you home tonight?” Her manager suggested.

“So that’s why you were insistent on picking me up. For the record I don’t like being tricked” Leah was clearly just as mad with her manager as you were yours.

“We have just met, don’t you think this is a bit much?” You understand that in the future this might be regular occurrence but right now it all seemed like a lot.

The two of you are met with silence once again so the two of you just nod. An awkward silence fills the halls of the emirates as you walk to the small and exclusive car park within the stadium. Truth is neither of you knew what to say to the other. You were strangers but somehow you were suppose to be a couple when out in public. 

“I’m sorry you have to do this” Those are the words that you say.

“Don’t be. I get why this is happening and whilst I wish it wasn’t, there are worse people to be fake in a relationship with”

“Wow, that’s quite the compliment. Thank you so very much”

Leah playfully shoved you.

“What I’m saying is that I think we could get along well. As for the faking it, well I’m sure we have both wore a mask in front of the public before. This is like that only different”

What she said wasn’t a lie but this felt so much more than having a smile on your face when you are anything but happy on the inside. 

The two of you exit the stadium and can see fans standing by the doors. you weren’t in the best mood so the last thing you want to do is stop but Leah grabs you hand. Something you don’t expect so you pull away.

“Physical touch is not your thing, look at us getting to know each other. It would be good if the fans got photos of us leaving together, don’t you think?” She said quietly as not to be overheard.

You shake off the comment about physical touch and reply to the second part of her sentence.

“Ok, let’s go over” 

Given that you were at The Emirates with one of the faces of the team you choose to give Leah space as she spoke to the fans. For a brief moment you watched her as she gave the fans her full attention. You knew this before but she really was one of her good ones, one that was way too good for you.

“Yes, that’s her. She’s a little bit shy” This got your attention and caused you to blush ever so slightly  “Y/N, come here. This girl, Sophie, is a big fans of yours” 

You never were the best with fans. Surely you gave them your time, took as many photos as they wanted and signed whatever they put in your hands but the social aspect of it is something you struggled. Leah on the other hand took to it with ease. You knew that people picked up on your shyness but they often saw it as you being rude. Maybe your manager hoped Leah could bring you out of your shell a bit and make you more approachable. This thought caused you to shake your head because it was already working.

The two of you talked to the fans for a couple of minutes before walking towards your car, a Mercedes-Benz SL Pagoda. You didn’t have many cars in London but this is one of the very first you bought when you joined the team 5 years ago.

“Any chance I can drive?” Leah ask even though she knew the answer.

“No, no you cannot. Let’s me see how you drive your car before I let you drive one of mine”

“One of? Just how many cars to do have?” 

“In London or in total?”

That gave Leah all the information she needed to know. 

The two of you found yourself in silence only this one wad slightly more comfortable than the other. you gave Leah the AUX lead as you got in the car. She spent the entire drive on her phone whilst you focused on the road. When you pulled up to her house you didn’t know what to do. Do you do the chivalrous thing and open her door or is that too much? By the time you finished overthinking that act wasn’t an option as Leah had already gotten out.

Before she closed the door she leaned back down.

“I know this isn’t what neither of us want but we can do a year. FYI I am going to tell Georgia Stanway, Keira Walsh and Lia Walti”

Leah was much more prepared than you. Perhaps that is what she was doing on her phone.

“Ermmm… I haven’t really thought about it but I’ll probably tell Lewis and Charles, maybe Lando if I decide I can trust him with this”

The blonde nodded.

“I guess I’ll see you at the weekend” 

“You will. I’ll be the one driving the really fast car” Why you said that, you have no idea. Was it your way of sounding confident or funny? If Leah’s chuckle is anything to go by then it was the latter.

[glassrowboat]

The Prophesied Tide. Phainon.

Summary: Caught in the stands surrounding the training ground, you're left stuck in the wallows of bloodshed, only it's not of the two men fighting before you, but your own.

An annoyed grumble left you as you shifted in your spot, trying to get comfortable despite how aware you were of the mess pooling in your underwear.

You should have known your cycle would come a day early with how your emotions had been all over the place yesterday. Having gone from an under the weather mess in the morning, who could barely get out of bed to running around in the afternoon to properly soak in some sun. Then, of course, there was that night you shared that left you with hickeys you were left with no choice but to hide away under your clothing. That fact seemed to bring a smirk to the man you were currently watching practice his heart away while you were curling around the railing before you to ease the cramps daring to knock you down.

Being a woman sucked sometimes.

Each clashing sound of a broad sword to a pair of gauntlets ringing in your ears hardly helped either. Mydei and Phainon always got like this, challenging each other with boyish delight. It didn't matter if they kicked up every last bit of dirt in the training grounds or knocked a stall over for the sake of winning a race - Though, they always did go back and help set it back up once again. Relentless. Meaning: Phainon would be occupied for hours.

For a moment you considered just walking back to your shared apartment on your own, but your own thoughtless choice of an outfit today kept you in place. Of course you had to wear white.

It was a possibility you could just run off to the bathroom to try and clean yourself off, but that would include having to pull your cold, wet underwear back to your flesh. The thought alone had you convinced it was a bad idea. So you were left with no other option but to glare at Phainon, hoping the golden blood of a Chrysos Heir somehow passed down the ability to communicate telepathically to you with no avail.

All you could do was watch the two men continue to exchange blows. Your patience thinning with each well aimed strike.

"Mnestia, save that idiot." You whispered, unsure if Aglaea herself might pick up your comment meant only for your ears, but if it did, you can only hope she got a chuckle out of it.

With nothing left to do, you leaned further onto the banister, the stone doing more work to keep you up than your legs until the dirt kicked up again as a muscular form was forced to drop to the floor after the weight of a hefty blow knocked them down.

A blur of red and gold. You knew immediately who it was who won, but it was Phainon's self-assured tone that confirmed any doubts you might have had. "That's another win under my belt, Mydei. With the way you keep losing, I might start to think you're intentionally trying to give me a lead. What's the score today? 3 - 5?"

"4 - 5."

"The win you got from your armor catching the light and blinding me doesn't count. That was cheating."

"And that sounds like a pitiful excuse, Deliverer." Mydei shot back.

Phainon's shoulders rose into a shrug, hands going to the air in defeat as he looked at you as if to say, 'Can you believe him?' But the smile he had been wearing turned down when he spotted you curled over on yourself. Your inability to even muster the strength to play along with his teasing like you usually would only exacerbating his concern.

"Are you alright, sundrop?"

When the wave of cramps that had been passing over, you finally washed away, you managed a "I've been better."

"Here, let me get you some water."

Phainon's boots were already treading the ground by the time Mydei stopped him from walking off entirely. "I can do it. There's no point disturbing the happy couple when there's someone else to handle the job."

Catching his eye, you mouthed the words thank you, to which Mydei nodded.

You watched him walk off in that same blur of colors you watched hot the ground earlier before your attention went back to Phainon as he approached you. His knees were already starting to bend as he looked you over, doing his best to find anything that could be causing you to act like this as he scoured over your frame before Phainon finally decided to just ask.

"Can you tell me what's actually bothering you now?"

"The prophesied red tide has come."

"The red tide?" Phainon asked, his words coming out slowly before it finally clicked. "Ah, I see. You could have just told me. I would have been happy to take care of you."

Just like his words promised, Phainon was happy to attend to you as his hand cupped the back of your neck to rub at the tense muscles. With each swipe of his thumb into your levator scapulae, he pulled you closer, encouraging you to step into his awaiting arms. They circled around your waist with ease, the warmth of him helping to ease the aches in your body.

"See, isn't this much better than staring down at me from the stands?"

"Admittedly."

"And I'm guessing you want to go home. We can even curl up in bed all day if you want. Just say the word."

"I do, but there's an issue with that," you gestured to your choice of attire for today.

It didn't take long for Phainon to catch on, and when he did, he stepped back to work on the buckles and belts attached to his armor to peel it away. The pauldron fell to the stands with ease as he took it off, his jacket quick to follow - only instead of the stone seats you had been occupying earlier that day, he placed it around your shoulders. "There we go."

You pulled on the fabric, bringing it closer to you. His jacket smelt like him, sweat from today's training, vanilla combined with aftershave, and the faintest bit of wheat from the vases in his apartment he keeps filled to the brim with the golden stalks. Like home.

"Thank you." You sighed, nose still buried away in the lapels of his jacket. "But you have to make it up to me for making me wait around like that. Just to be fair."

A smile grew on his lips, quickly replacing the concerned look he had been wearing before. "Oh do I now?"

"Without a doubt."

"Well, I'll try my best, but first, let's get you back now. I doubt you're comfortable like this, sundrop."

He guided you along through the stands and down the steps, making sure you didn't accidentally miss a single one even as he joked with you. His comments and gentle teases about how he would have to stop at the store to ensure he has chocolate at home so you don't bite his head off only came to a stop when Mydei came back to the training grounds, a waterskin in hand.

Phainon spoke up first. "Well, look at that. You actually can do something other than punch things."

You couldn't be any more grateful that glare Mydei was shooting Phainon's way wasn't directed at you, even though his words were. "I truly do question what you see in this man sometimes."

"Trust me, I do too," you said as you took the offered waterskin from him.

"I can hear you two."

"So the Deliverer has working ears. What a surprise." Before Phainon could give another retort, Mydei kept talking. "Now, I don't need to be slowed down by either of you, so I'll continue my training alone. You two can go off to that bakery I know you like. I saw there's a promotion going on when I was walking back."

Phainon tugged you a little closer when he thanked Mydei, assuring him he would have to drop by and buy a slice of cake or two. That was all it took for Mydei to grunt out a hmph and walk back out to the middle of the grounds, once again leaving you two alone.

"Come on now, I'll drop you off home and get everything you need. And when I do get back, maybe you can tell me a bit more about what you have in mind for me to 'make it up to you.'"

"It sounds more like you have something you want to do." You giggled, trying to keep yourself from cracking up at the look he was giving you.

"Now that is a possibility. But I'll tell you when we get home. Now let's go, sundrop. I have a red tide to vanquish, and I can't do that here."

With another tug on your hand, you two fell in step as you walked back home, his jacket flittering in the wind behind you with every step you took.

[subbyp]

thanatos, appearing with a frantic yet pint-sized toll akin to someone smashing their forehead into the call bell at a hotel front desk: MOTHER WHY IS ZAGREUS PRAYING THAT I WILL GRANT HIM A PEACEFUL DEATH

tired: zagreus is ftm because the god of life should have a womb

wired: zagreus is ftm because the god of rebirth should be trans

inspired: zagreus is ftm because the god of blood should have a period

[vesseloflukola]

Let’s talk about “Professional Jealousy”, shall we? I feel like most of us know what this actually means. Actual Professional Jealousy is envy that someone else in your profession is doing better at the job than you; that they are more successful or more recognized. However, Nic and Luke tried to convince us that Professional Jealousy was something different altogether. To them, “Professional Jealousy” was when you become jealous any time your scene partner flirts with, talks to, or has an intimate scene with another actor of the opposite sex who is not yourself.

They were actually just plain jealous of one another. I think it was both apparent to the people they worked with, as well as those of us who listened to their answers in interviews on the World Tour.

I mean, why else would all of the other couples dancing around Nic and Sam (Pen and Debling) be pulled out one by one until only Nic and Sam were dancing together so that they could get such a great jealous reaction from Luke as Colin when he sees his Pen and Lord Debling dancing? Luke actually said “ I have to clarify. I WAS fuming. That was completely legit.” Sir? That was the statement he made where Nicola felt the need to tell the fandom about their “Professional Jealousy” in the first place.

Luke continued to show us how jealous he was whenever Nicola would make a flirty remark toward a male interviewer, or talk about her attraction to either Ryan Gosling or Leonardo DiCaprio. He also really didn’t seem to like her looking deep into Luke Thompson’s eye’s when there were questions over what color they were.

Luke isn’t the only jealous one though. Nic admitted she did not like him flirting with all the ladies in the Ton, and she did not love that he had those brothel scenes. She admitted to already being jealous of his next leading lady (which we now know is Lucy Hale) and reminded him that SHE was his “first fake girlfriend”.

It’s funny, because last time I checked, friends don’t get that kind of jealous of one another. However, people who have deeper feelings do. It’s ironic to me how many people have been trying to say Nic and Luke are “just friends”. They have never once said those words.

Luke has called Nic a lovely friend and his Best Friend. Nic has said that Luke is a very special person in her life and she doesn’t have a relationship with anyone else in her life like the one she has with him. Most recently Nic mentioned that a lot of people would like the two of them to get married. What they have never said is “we are just friends”, “please stop shipping us”, or “why would we get married?”. What they have done is give us crumbs here and there. What they have done is continue to mention or reference one another.

We don’t know for sure that they are currently together, but I believe that they are. What we do know is that the pictures we have seen of them lately, they are both glowing. What we do know is that they are back to filming Season 4 with their Bridgerton family. Coincidence? I don’t think so!

[eddiemunsonsmiddlefingers]

Hello Wheel of Time fandom

3/16 edit:

I have heard through the grapevine that some folks are saying I have doxxed people with this post, or that I should be sued for libel.

tl;dr: There is no merit to either of these accusations.

I am reporting actions and events that actually happened, and which I personally witnessed and/or have hard evidence to support, to the best of my abilities. I have made edits to clarify where my initial statements were unclear, and I've been transparent about the edits made (unless it was simply to clean up grammar) even though it makes this post looks super chaotic.

I will say that I overstepped when I claimed that the CEO "supports Trump." I know she is conservative, because I saw her talking about it in a space with ~40 people in it late last year. I know she has voted for Trump in the past, because others have seen her talking about it in a similarly sized space in the past. However, jumping from those two pieces of information to "she supports Trump" in present tense is a slippery slope fallacy that I absolutely should have known better than to fall for. That said: concern about her politics versus site demographics did not begin with me, let alone with this post. I believe that while those concerns were not expressed respectfully (largely due to rapidly deteriorating trust), they should have been addressed quickly and respectfully by leadership and they were not.

I have also gone out of my way to avoid causing harm to the people I'm discussing; that's why I reference titles and time frames instead of names (or even pseudonyms), and why I have edited this post rather than bumping it to the top with updates. I have done exhaustive testing to confirm that it is not possible to find this post unless you are actively looking for it on Facebook or Tumblr (Search algorithms mean some people may have different results, but the flat truth is that if I can't find it with all my Tower-related cookies tossed all over the place, people who aren't connected to the Tower definitely can't).

Ironically enough, the ONLY person whose full, real name has been publicly associated with this information is in fact me (by my choice, as a gesture of sincerity to the founder of the community).

This leads me to another (related) major issue that I want to address:

I have given my full name, phone number, AND address to a grand total of three members of the Tower. I gave one of those three my resume as well, because they offered to help me with my job search last year. One other member has my one page resume, and the Board has my full work history and phone number, but none of them have my address to my knowledge. When I left the site I went through chat logs and deleted my information retroactively, but I have no way of knowing whether those individuals saved that information where I cannot delete it.

This is of extreme concern to me because I have screenshot evidence that one of the three individuals with all my information has posted on TarValon.Net claiming that I am lying / this post was made in bad faith / that I'm out to cause harm for harm's sake (paraphrased). He also made a threat of physical violence against those who criticize admin, which he changed to hoping that they are "fucked by the dildo of consequence" when the mods told him the prior violence was unacceptable. Moderators allowed this sexually violent metaphor to remain visible for over 24 hours; in the end he received a 24 hour "timeout" from that specific forum for forcing the mods to edit his post.

The man in question has known me for at least 7 years and has known of me for just shy of 13. It is unquestionably true that he knows my strongest values are my integrity and caring for others. He knows that my partner and I are trans and therefore have a lot to lose given the state of this country. He knows that I have been raped and sexually assaulted in the past. Finally, he knows that someone else in the community has already had their world turned upside down because someone at the Tower suggested that their work should be contacted (and someone did).

It baffles me that he thought it appropriate to say something he knows is dishonest about me, and at least appear to post a material threat to my safety, in nearly the same breath that he accused me of libel. It baffles me even more that the sexually charged threat he made was allowed to remain in the forum for as long as it was (and received little more than a slap on the wrist for a completely different reason) when a former Director of Moderators was suspended from the entire site for two weeks and from community feedback for another two weeks after that (starting 3/15) for making an off topic observation.

I'm just…appalled. And hurt. And very, very done. I will not be editing this post further. If the current CMO wants to reach out to me, I'm open to a conversation. Otherwise…I hope I never have to interact with these people, or anyone who supports them, again.

In the Light, Jaryd

PS: I put the original content/edits under a "read more" because this post is now absurdly long. See below.

The current leaders of the website TarValon.Net just completely shut down the site, deleted and remade their forums, and rewrote their rules, because 50+ members of said site objected to damaging actions taken and hateful words spoken by said leadership.

EDIT: I want to make it abundantly, explicitly clear that the founder of TarValon.Net is not in any way, shape, or form associated with what I have written below. I deeply respect and appreciate the love and effort she put into this place, and much of my distress now stems from mourning the loss of what she created. Additionally, my statements about the "leadership team" are generalizations for brevity, but as with every generalization, there are exceptions. I would like to note specifically that the CFO and Director of Marketing have never been positions that are expected to take a stance on membership issues (and therefore it is neither surprising nor upsetting to me that they did not openly do so in this case). To my knowledge none of the individuals in question have ever engaged in or encouraged the behaviors described below. I have made some other clarifying edits throughout, marked in red.

Telling every single detail of the bullshit that has occurred would take hours. Some of what has happened includes:

The current CEO supports Trump, and has on two separate occasions had emotional melt downs about how she feels like people think she's bad for doing that. Her political affiliation is of concern because a sizable chunk of the community she is in charge of is female, queer, trans, BIPOC, some variety of neurodivergent, disabled, and/or in an economic lower class. See my note about this above.

The current leadership team (plus the immediate former Director of Membership) have protected (and continues to protect) aggressively antisemitic individuals, while actively disregarding and disparaging the concerns raised by their Jewish members and informed allies. 3/16: The Chief Membership Officers who have served since December have not actively engaged in this behavior to my knowledge.

A member of the site was doxxed as a direct result of criticizing the leadership team in the forum designated for giving site feedback. The CEO performed a cursory investigation (I personally got an email asking me to confirm I did not doxx the member in question. Staff were told to respond to a post in their respective forums. I don't have much insight into how higher-up administrators were addressed), announced they couldn't find the perpetrator, and then banned the person who was doxxed for allegedly lying about it. (This is an extreme simplification, but the long and the short of it is that he WAS doxxed, he did NOT lie, and he WAS banned).

The CMO serving until November of last year had a public meltdown that included presenting events in a purposely unfavorable light (as determined by review of contradictory evidence from the other side) swearing at members of the site, saying it felt good to punch down, and refusing to apologize for her behavior. The current CEO and several other Officers and Directors (including the last Director of Membership) supported this behavior, and an investigation occurred only after significant pressure from members of the site—and ended with no acknowledgment of poor behavior or disciplinary action taken. She is only a "former" CMO because, when outraged members of the community refused to accept that decision, she had another public meltdown and demanded to be removed and her account suspended. Her account has since been reactivated and she is active in the community. In early March she admitted to acting in bad faith in joining an unofficial Discord server dedicated to addressing these issues (plus many others).

A member was recently chosen to serve on the Board of Directors who had only weeks before recruited members into a quasi-secret club that supported the current CEO by mocking a woman of color whom they dislike. This information was known to the current CEO, who initially did nothing (and got noticeably huffy when asked to take action...and no disciplinary action occurred at all), and was later shared with the Board, who also chose to do nothing.

The current leadership team (presumably minus the CMOs who have served since December, who to my knowledge were not part of the primary spaces this behavior took place) has not only allowed, but has actively and consistently participated in and encouraged, the abuse and harassment of disfavored community members across a lengthy period of time. 3/16: I have no access to know if this behavior has continued since I left. The group of people targeted the heaviest by this behavior includes nearly every Black, Brown, or Jewish person on the site, many openly trans members, and many neurodivergent members. To date, none of the site's current or recently former leaders have taken accountability for their actions. The victims of this behavior were and are being blamed for the site being in conflict.

A different former Director of Membership was removed from her role because she shared private information about a member she disliked with a student therapist friend in order to obtain a "diagnosis" which she then used to justify an unwarranted ban of that individual. It was just announced that this former Director of Membership is now the moderator in charge of disciplinary decisions in the community.

The CEO, COO, and former CMO (served until November) changed the rules to protect themselves, which they retroactively applied to suspend two members, one of whom they specifically dislike. Most recently, this meant shutting down the entire site for several months, dismissing the Head Moderator in favor of hiring someone known to support leadership (in full transparency: it is possible she may have been hired for the role had she applied for it, but she chose not to; I cannot speak for her, but given the conditions we were working in I cannot blame her for choosing to stand aside), trashing the updated Code of Conduct that the mod team had been tasked with creating (and that I put considerable effort and research into drafting) to address the issues the site was facing, and instead implementing a set of rules tailor-made to cover their own asses. This was done with the support of the Board despite the concerns and distress about Officer behavior expressed by a large portion of active membership.

(Note that most of these events happened just since September of last year, and from September 10th to December 7th, I was putting in 50+ hour weeks as a moderator trying to problem solve and hold the community together. I was personally in one of the spaces where unethical behavior occurred; I consistently and actively tried to put a damper on it despite resistance from officers, executives, and administrators. I put in the work, followed the chain of command to express my concerns, and ultimately left the site entirely because it was tearing me apart.)

I joined TarValon.Net in February of 2003, and I finally gave up the ghost this last December when I realized that neither the Board nor the Executive team were going to accept responsibility for the condition of the community.

In my 22 years of membership I gave them thousands of hours of volunteer service across dozens of roles, and thousands of dollars in open and anonymous donations (edit: to be clear and honest, some of these donations were to individual members or to support specific projects/events, not to the site's maintenance fund). I have made life long friends there. I once moved across the country to live with someone I met there. I have babysat for people I met there. I have loaned my car to people I met there. I have been a reference for people I met there, putting my own job and integrity on the line to help them get a leg up. I have helped members of that community escape abusive relationships. I've laughed, cried, been drunk, been sober, attended weddings...whatever it is a human can feel and do with a group of friends, I have felt and done it with at least one other person in that group, and often with many.

It has been profoundly painful to watch this small group of arrogant, selfish people tear that place of safety, service, and love into hateful dust for the sake of protecting their own pride. They are doing everything they possibly can (and then some) to bury their unethical and genuinely horrendous behavior where no one can see it, to protect the people they like, and to chase the people they dislike (and who might call out the truth) away. It is crazy-making to think that they're absolutely going to get away with it; after all, it's "just" a fandom community. Who cares?

All I can do, really, is tell the greater fandom community the truth about what happened in a place where the people destroying my former home-away-from-home can't delete my words. So...that's what I'm doing. Maybe I'll add more later? Maybe I'll leave it at this. Either way...at least some of it is out there.

Peace.

[blue-rose-soul]

"Great Alastor Altruist* died for his friends!"

This scene has been spinning in my brain since Thursday. Like a lot of other people, my first thought was that this was an indication that Alastor had grown to care for Charlie and her friends at the hotel. And it's not because of the words he says. Even if you're watching without subtitles and don't see the quotations around that phrase, it's pretty obvious that he's laughing at the very thought.

"Me? Alastor? Dying for them?"

"Ridiculous."

"Absurd!"

"Utterly laughable!"

No, what makes me think that there might be a kernel of truth there isn't the words by themselves. It's the look on his face as he says them.

This is the part where Alastor's angry snarl breaks and he begins to look genuinely afraid. He clutches his chest. He digs his fingers into his scalp, drags his hand down the side of his face. And that's a perfectly reasonable reaction to nearly dying! It's very human! But I think it's very telling that this expression doesn't settle on his face until he's talking about dying for someone else. Before this he looked more angry than anything, and he lapses back into anger up until he begins talking about trying to find a way out of his deal.

Now, don't get me wrong, I understand why anyone would think otherwise. The thing about Alastor is that, despite how blatant it is, his mask works. Like I stated earlier, I find myself searching every word, expression, and gesture from Alastor for double meaning. Ostensibly, there's no one here for Alastor to lie to**. No one he has to put up an act for. But his smile, which he's already fully admitted is faker than fake, remains firmly in place. I wonder if putting up an act is so second nature to him at this point he can't help but do it even when he's alone. Maybe he tries to fool himself as much as other people.

I believe that he has come to care, but I can't fully believe it. I won't be surprised to be wrong. But there are some scenes that just don't make sense to me if he really doesn't care at all.

His chat with Niffty the night before the extermination, for example. Niffty isn't really someone he needs to trick. He has power over her, whether it's because he owns her soul or because of her blind devotion to him. It's telling that while everyone else is hanging out together, sharing drinks at the bar, Alastor keeps his distance and positions himself above them. At this point, Alastor seems to care about them the way we, the audience, care about them; as entertainment. He's enjoying watching their story unfold up close, but that's all there is to it. He admits to Niffty that one could get accustomed to being with them. Not him though! He's above all that.

Then the battle happens. At first, Alastor's role in the battle didn't require him to assume too much risk. He was on crowd control, limiting the number of exorcists the rest of the hazbins have to deal with at once. And he slayed a not insubstantial number of angels in the process***. But then Adam broke through Alastor's shield and singled him out. It would have been reasonable for Alastor to put some distance between himself and the Lead Exorcist. Charlie did say it was his job to deal with Adam, but as I've already discussed, Alastor really had no hope of winning that fight alone. Maybe if he'd escaped right then and there, or fought Adam alongside Charlie things would have turned out differently. Granted, I don't think his pride would have allowed him to take either of those options.

Regardless, the end result is that Alastor did come very close to dying for a cause that wasn't his. Considering what Adam did to the hotel, Alastor's pretty damn lucky he's not in two pieces here.

Now, I don't think this means Alastor is immediately going to turn around and integrate int o the hazbin family. Immediately after this line where he mocks the idea of dying for Charlie's cause, he gets angry again, leans further into the Radio Demon persona and starts contemplating ways to escape his contract. I think, that like someone recoiling after accidentally touching a hot stove, Alastor's going to pull further away from them. One thing I am certain about is how Alastor feels about his leash; he hates it. He wants to be rid of it. He doesn't know how to do that yet, but he's working out a plan and having Charlie in his corner is part of that plan. Giving a genuine shit about her or the other hazbins is not part of that plan. It's another leash, not as literal as the one connecting him to his patron but just as binding.

Alastor realizing he might actually care about these people may just make him more dangerous to them than if he just didn't care at all.

-

(*The word 'altruist' here being used as a title, not a name. Like something you'd see in a newspaper headline, or on a headstone.)

(**There do seem to be some odd eye motifs in the environment, but at no point does Alastor give any indication he is aware of them or acknowledge their presence in anyway. And I highly doubt he would have said certain things if he believed his patron was actively watching him.)

(***Taking this opportunity to go off topic a bit to call the Vees out on their hypocrisy. For all their bluster about 'taking the fight to Heaven' and how 'pussy' the older Overlords supposedly are, I didn't see any of them on the battlefield. Alastor was. He fought as long and hard as he could. There was nothing cowardly about him living to fight another day.)

[evangelifloss]

write it for mi pls😔

Omg HI HELLO @kavalyera thank u for enabling me!!

In many John Wick circles and discussions, this scene is referenced either for its sincere intensity or for insane people like me, who simp over John Wick watching the light in a man's eyes fade away. However I haven't heard or seen anyone really analyse what this scene means in the context of the wider narrative, and John's 'Fall from Grace' (where he is pulled back into the world of assassins) or WHY this moment is so iconic for fans of the franchise.

To do that, let's refresh on has happened thus to our titular character, John Wick.

●He managed to escape the Assassin World against all odds to live a normal life with his Wife, Helen

●Helen Wick dies 5 years later, leaving him a puppy as a final gift. This is the starting point of the movie

●The puppy is murdered by Iosef Tarasov, his favorite car stolen, and his house smashed up

●He has managed to track Iosef down to the Red Circle Nightclub where there are many guards/assassins trying to keep Iosef safe.

In essence, John Wick hasn't worked as an assassin for 5 or so years and he's had a taste of civilian life but more importantly by staying OUT of the assassin business, no-one has come calling. Winston even warns him prior to his departure to the Red Circle about how risky it is to be hunting Iosef:

"You dip so much as a pinky back into this pond... you may well find something reaches out and drags you back into its depths"

The movie by this point has established two things;

1. John's need for revenge both as a genuine desire to kill Iosef and to cope with the grief over Helen's death

2. Exacting this revenge may very well (and later does) force him back into the assassin life he fought hard to escape from, making his efforts and sacrifices to get there for nothing.

Up until this point in the movie, you can argue that all the killings John Wick commits for his end goal were in self-defense (the kill squad sent to his house) or part of said end goal (Iosef's buddies in the washroom) but that is lost the second he is inside The Red Circle.

Here you are greeted with two quick kills of security guards that are only tied to Iosef via proxy of his father, which then leads into the scene I'm talking about. The third security guard, just like the other two, has nothing to do with John Wick. They did not break into his house, kill his dog and steal his car. Their only crime was that they went to their job that day and were obstacles placed in John Wick's warpath.

John Wick knows this.

It is in this moment, that the 'old' life he left behind looks at him through the eyes of the dying man and John can do nothing but stare back. One could argue that in this moment rather than John being unable to look away, he instead chooses not to. He HAS to watch this nameless man die for he knows that he will be one of many to come. John Wick does not shy from the gruesome truth before his eyes and faces it head on. He watches the light fade, and his past self revive in the same moment. A man's death gives life back to the Assassin 'Baba Yaga', a life that John the Man had chosen to kill in order to live as a husband to Helen. That is, until Helen dies.

This is one of if not the only scene where John is intimate with his kill. Even the framing, the lasting seconds given, allow the moment to breathe. It is a shot that does not occur again because doesn't need to. This single moment encapsulates John's full commitment to Assassin and everyone else (excluding assassins or characters he has history with) is as nameless as this man when it comes to fulfilling his goals.

At the same time, the physical sensations that come with fighting, overpowering and killing someone must be coursing through his veins. Even if he, at this point in time, still believes he can return to the quiet civilian life he built (despite the audience being aware that such a thing will not come to pass) his body does not recognise such a future belief and muscle memory is not to be underestimated. In this moment, his body HAS to be in the heightened state that comes with being an assassin. So he pauses. He takes a moment. To watch a man die. To feel his own body coursing with adrenaline and memory of all those years spent killing. He looks into the eyes of death and it asks

"Did you miss me?"

[stolasbuckzo]

Theory Time: S3 Leak

I’m not entirely sure if this leaked footage is intentional, like what we saw with the Sinsmas episode, but either way, I want to discuss this scene. We see Octavia following someone whose identity is obscured—possibly Blitz, Moxxie, or even Millie in disguise. The figure’s height isn’t visible for long, and their face is completely covered. This person leads Octavia through a door, which stands out to me because she looks nervous, as though she’s either meeting someone secretly or feeling uncomfortable in her surroundings. It’s understandable given how manipulative her mother is. I can imagine Stella forcing her to attend the event under the guise of “duty” and “keeping up appearances as the Goetia heiress.”

I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if the figure were Blitz in disguise. He has gone to extreme lengths before to find and help those he cares about. We saw him risk trespassing on Stolas’s property despite their severed transactional relationship. He even tracked down and asked around about his sister’s whereabouts despite Barbie’s clear desire to cut him out of her life. It wouldn’t seem out of character for him to go to these lengths for Octavia either, despite her evident resentment toward him.

In “Sinsmas”, it was clear to me that Blitz not only envisioned Octavia as part of his small, growing family but also went out of his way to tell Stolas not to give up on her, even though she had cut him off. Reflecting on that, I believe the whole “You love him” situation needs to be resolved before Stolitz can actually come together. If they rushed into a relationship without addressing it, that would only seem to confirm Octavia’s fear that Stolas “left” her for Blitz. I think this is something both Stolas and Blitz understand deep down.

In my opinion, Blitz needs to be the one to reach out to Octavia, encouraging her not to give up on Stolas. I could see Blitz being the one who ultimately helps mend their bond, as he himself has grown to value family more. Knowing Vivienne’s writing style, I suspect she might frame this development in a positive light, showing Blitz’s growth. Back in season one, Blitz had little to no remorse when tearing families apart, like when he casually killed that husband during their hit job. However, in season two’s finale, he couldn’t bring himself to destroy a family because he now sees Loona, Stolas, and Octavia as his own. That scene where he calls off the assassination really resonated with me.

To be fair, I wouldn’t say Blitz broke Stolas’s family apart. You can’t break something that was already shattered, and Stella’s cruelty played a huge role in that. However, Blitz’s presence did make Octavia believe that her father had abandoned her for someone else. I’m sure Stella whispered those lies to her, vilifying Stolas and making her think he would leave her behind.

Looking ahead to season three, I hope Blitz is instrumental in bringing Stolas and Octavia closer than ever. I imagine he might have a heartfelt conversation with Octavia that parallels Loona’s talk with her in “Seeing Stars”, reinforcing the “like father, like daughter” theme. Maybe that’s the moment Octavia decides to secretly visit Stolas, knowing full well she isn’t supposed to because of his exile. However she did already broke that rule before severing their relationship in Sinsmas. Who’s to say she won’t bend the rules again to maintain some connection after everything between them is resolved?

It’s hard to say exactly how this story will play out. Maybe Octavia will pretend to stay “estranged” from her father but secretly communicate with him. I could see her using a burner phone to text him under Stella’s nose. That way, Stolas could have peace of mind, knowing his daughter doesn’t truly “hate” him. Perhaps Octavia, in her own way, in actuality struggles with guilt, thinking she’s a burden to her father. This dynamic could offer powerful moments of healing and reconciliation between them.

[beeslyzita]

A Few Words About Pam Beesly

Have you ever realized that Pam’s entire character arc is about taking risks, being honest about her feelings, and going after what she truly wants?

At the beginning of the series, she’s passive—stuck in a job she doesn’t enjoy, engaged to a man she doesn’t truly love, and constantly dealing with a boss who gets on her nerves. Pam has been with Roy since high school—he’s her first and only boyfriend, the only form of romantic love she’s ever known. Because of that, she normalized his behavior. Then she meets Jim, and they quickly become close friends, bonding over inside jokes and pranks. Jim falls for her because she’s so easy to talk to.

A lot of people say Pam "led Jim on." But how? At that point, they had never even talked about their feelings. Sure, we, the audience, know how Jim feels—but from Pam’s perspective, it’s not so obvious. She struggles with low self-esteem during this part of the series. Jim understands that Pam is more reserved, and if something is going to happen, he will have to make the first move—which he tries to do multiple times (e.g., the Christmas letter, Casino Night).

It's also important to remember: Roy was the only romantic relationship Pam had ever known. She believed the "right" thing to do was to marry him and suppress her feelings for Jim.

But it’s a delicate situation—they're friends, and confessing feelings could ruin that. Plus, they work together. If their friendship fell apart, they’d still have to see each other every day. Imagine losing your best friend and your job environment becoming incredibly awkward—all at once. There’s so much at stake.

So no, there’s no "stringing along" happening here. Jim himself was never 100% honest about his feelings, either. They didn’t openly talk about it. In fact, he even lied when Michael accidentally spilled the beans. Even if Pam had feelings for Jim too, she was still engaged and didn’t have the courage to confront those emotions. She was living in denial.

When Jim finally confesses, you can see Jenna Fischer’s incredible acting—Pam is frozen because it’s the first time she’s forced to truly confront her emotions. She breaks up with Roy that same day, but by then, Jim has already left… It’s complex and brilliantly executed.

Let’s not forget: Pam later tells Roy about the kiss in a public place, on camera. Imagine how different it would have been in private. And at no point does she try to justify it by saying, “Oh, I felt alone.” She plainly says, “I kissed Jim because I had feelings for him.” Later, at the café, she even apologizes and admits her mistake.

Pam told Roy because she wanted to be honest. She didn’t shift the blame—she took full accountability. That’s incredibly brave. Pam is an amazing character.

About the Beach Episode

It makes me sad how misunderstood this scene is. It’s so much more than just a confession to Jim.

After hearing Oscar’s boyfriend say she lacks courage, Pam decides to start being more honest and brave—this leads to her breaking up with Roy. Again, she shows integrity: she doesn’t blame Roy, she’s clear and says, “I also felt something for Jim.”

In the following episode, Michael underestimates her—he assumes she doesn't have the courage to lead, and gives her a pointless task. That’s what pushes her to walk across the hot coals and, for the first time, speak up.

This moment isn’t about Jim. It’s Pam finally releasing years of frustration, after constantly being underestimated and ignored.

With all that adrenaline and raw emotion, she turns to Jim—and everything just spills out. She didn’t plan to confess. It wasn’t calculated. It was real, and raw, and honest.

Remember: Jim confessed his feelings, left the next day, and came back dating someone else. What was Pam supposed to do? Accept his feelings while still engaged? Call him after he’d already moved to another city? She wasn’t ready. She didn’t have the courage to be honest with herself.

But at the beach, she finally explodes—and unintentionally speaks her truth for the first time.

I especially love when she apologizes for saying all that in front of Karen, but follows it with: “I don’t regret saying it.” That moment isn’t just about romance—it’s about finally having the courage to be honest.

About the Philadelphia Arc

Jim’s mistake wasn’t just taking a job in another city—it was agreeing with Pam not to take it, then secretly accepting it anyway. He didn’t bring it up again. He didn’t discuss it with her. He made a major decision for their entire family and expected Pam to simply adapt.

When Pam went to New York, it didn’t disrupt Jim’s life—so it was easy for him to support her. But Jim’s move to Philadelphia affects Pam, Jim, and their children. It changes everything.

That’s a major difference.

And Honestly?

Pam is the true protagonist of The Office.

While other characters’ flaws are used for comedy, Pam’s flaws are treated seriously, and we watch her grow, fail, and evolve.

She starts as someone who’s afraid to speak up, afraid to take chances—and ends the series as someone who takes real risks for love, family, and herself.

Pam Beesly is brilliant.

[seraphbliss]

apr. 1 happy april fool's day x_x

march wanted to see me rot and enter spring as nutrients for the newly emerging flora. at times i wish i took the offer. i feel like i keep ruining shit. the month droned on and on and on, and i realized some things. times are changing and so am i. it's better that my expansive friend group has narrowed down to three people—not everyone around me want to see me change. to be honest, i don't know if i'm changing in ways i like, either.

theres a lingering guilt that sits beside me on the bus. i walk home with it, watch it watch me from my window. no conflict started this month had a resolution. my friend updates me on people i've lost. i feel like a unwilling voyeur. i know why she does it, but it feels like the hour after i scrutinize my face: flakey, bleeding scabs that are painful to look at, worse to touch. it's my fault she does it. had i not fell out with those people she wouldn't want to tell me about their seemingly loser-esque lives. but it doesn't bring me peace. instead, i feel confused and even hypocritical. it's not like i feel too good at the moment, either. i'll never pretend to be holier than thou when it comes to drama. i hate speaking in those terms. i don't throw stones and hide my hand. in fact, i will tell you when i'm throwing the stone and how hard. i'm pro confrontation because i'm pro let's get this shit over with. but that's not happening at the moment. i think it's time that i stop this entire mess from sprawling further than what it already has. other people that i care about, that had nothing to do with the initial conflict, are negatively impacted by it, and for that i feel responsible. this morning i sit across from someone i know i need to stop being friends with and smile and wave. i'm acting like one of the things i hate the most: a coward. a wise victoria walker once said, "it hurts now to smile, it hurts more to breathe. it makes me so angry, all i do is grit my teeth."

i found my dad's facebook, and i am like him, i guess. there's something to be said about how i look most like him when i'm smiling hard. i'm in an odd spot in my transition where i pass online and nowhere else. i hope that in auckland i can medically transition without many social or emotional hiccups. i'm giving up a lot by going. honestly, i'm giving up everything that i wanted to keep and the remainder is what i've been trying to get away from for so long. five months before i'm eighteen when i'll be starting uni, and after, i'll be on my own. in those five months, i'll be in this weird limbo still with my mom. i don't think it's fair that i still have to play pretend while everything in my life moves on, just to appease my mom. its fucked that i have to, since my conditional offer requires that she be there until i'm an adult. i mean it when i say all i do is take shit on the chin. it's just annoying to deal with at this point. when people tell you who they are, believe them. this goes both ways.

i quit my job saturday. i feel good about this even though i'll miss my coworkers and the environment. i need money for the summer. my birthday is in july, and i plan to make the most of this extended vacation before college. i don't want to grow up, in all honesty. i say that, ignoring that i already have. i take on an extended amount of responsibilities for someone my age. i'm probably well off for it, but damn does it suck to be so disillusioned so young. so, my summer break will be real nostalgic. movie marathons with my grandma, super soakers, crackly nail polish. i owe it to myself to enjoy it without guilt. i expect to have several sd cards full of my memories captured in my digicam.

getting better at capturing likeness. i accidentally happened upon creating a self portrait. i look good as a man and it shows. i do keep up with my appearance to an obsessive extent at times, which leads to all the gross acne scars and scabs i have on my skin. if only i were a creature of habit instead of mania—i could just do my skincare routine instead of picking at my face until it bleeds. all for the sake of aurafarming. sunday night i went buck wild trying to capture my image in video. i think the reason i had such a hard time was because i didn't have vine or musically as a kid, and didn't post myself during the short time that i had tiktok two years ago. i can't say i'm unnatural in front of cameras, because i will take many pictures of myself pretty frequently. i'm being reminded of when i was punished by my dad for having a lot of selfies and being called conceited for it. i know i'm vain, but i still find that hilarious. it was not funny at the time, though.

i'm still over dating and relationships but i will always be an attention whore. the huzz luv tanz but not enough to really care that much. most people are just imagining who they want me to be so i'm disengaged from the start. roster so dry i'm disgusted by everyone on it (1.5 persons). thankful that i'm over that one guy from last october. it's true, you really do just realize you've moved on while getting ready for work one day several months removed.

looking forward to lots of music this month. definitely 2hollis getting the first listen on friday. waiting patiently for unmusique, pinkpantheress mixtape too. i'm going to buy my bôa ticket towards the end of the month. starting my new side job at the racetrack, which i'm actually excited for. i've always been vaguely interested in racing and cars from an aesthetic standpoint. the technical aspects seem too confusing for me to get into it at this point. maybe that will change soon. i still haven't gotten that macbook��ebayK i will be winning a bid this month even if i need to threaten someone to do so. i have therapy for the first time in about three years today. i'll probably begin to talk about those sessions here. despite the absolute bullshit that was march, i think april will look better for me.

[blueskittlesart]

any thoughts on how once again zelda was robbed of her agency because her "father figure" didn't listen to her? even if rauru was kinder to her than her father. and that she had sonia who was patient and loving for a little while before she died (just like her mother). i know rauru apologizes for his hubris but still, i wish we saw zelda be upset about it. and even if zelda was such a big part of the quest she still literally sacrificed her humanity once again because of someone else's mistake- because rauru literally didn't listen to the girl from the future that warned you that shit was going to go down. o know nintendo just loves putting zelda inside crystals and stones but i wish we got something better. even if it was her decision to become a dragon... did she have any other choice? it really just feels like they robbed her of agency again just like botw and the games before

i've been trying to figure out how to answer this one. because there are two ways i could analyze this plot point, either from a writer's perspective or an in-story perspective, but neither of those lead to me fully agreeing with your interpretation? I think there's definitely something to be said about zelda consistently being pushed aside in these games, but. well. ok let's get into it ig

from a writer's perspective, I do honestly have quite a bit of sympathy for the zelda devs as they attempt to navigate the modern political landscape with these games. The cyclical lore, though canonized relatively recently, holds them to a standard of consistency in their games in terms of certain key elements. one of those key elements is that there has to be a princess, and that princess must somehow be the main macguffin of the game. The player must chase her, and the end goal of the game must be to reunite the player and the princess. In 1986 this was an incredibly easy sell. women didn't need to be characters. players were content with saving a 2-dimensional princess whose only purpose was to tell them "good job!" at the end. but as society advances, that princess becomes a much more difficult character to write while adhering to the established overarching canon. (as a side note: i don't necessarily believe that the writers SHOULD be held to the standards of that canon. I think deviating from it in certain areas would be a good change of pace. but i also recognize that deviations from the formula are widely hated by the loz playerbase and that they're trying to make money off these games, so we're working under the established rule that the formula must be at least loosely adhered to.) Modern fans want a princess who is a person, who has agency and makes decisions and struggles in the same way the hero does. but modern fans ALSO want a game that follows the established rules of the canon. so we need a princess who is a real character but who can ALSO serve as a macguffin within the narrative, something that is inherently somewhat objectifying.

the two games that i think do the best job writing a princess with agency are skyward sword and botw (based on your ask, our opinions differ there lol. hear me out) in both games, we have a framing event which seperates zelda and link, but in both games, that separation was ZELDA'S CHOICE. skyward sword zelda runs away from link out of fear of hurting him. botw zelda chooses to return to the castle alone to allow link the time he needs to heal. sksw kinda fumbled later on by having ghirahim kidnap her anyway, but. i said BEST not PERFECT. botw zelda I think is the better example because, with the context of the memories, she's arguably MORE of a character than link is. we see her struggles, her breakdowns, her imperfection, specifically we see her struggle with her lack of agency within the context of the game itself. when she steps in front of link in the final memory, and when she chooses to return to the castle, those are some of the first choices we see her make almost completely free of outside influence; a RECLAMATION of her agency (within the narrative) after years of having it stripped from her. from an objective viewer's standpoint, this writing decision still means she is absent from 90% of the game and that she has little control over her actions for the duration of the player's journey. however I think this is just about the best they could have done to create a princess with agency and a real character arc while still keeping the macguffin formula intact--you're not really SAVING zelda in botw. SHE is the one that is saving YOU; when you wake up on the plateau with no memories, too weak to fight bokoblins, let alone calamity ganon. the reason you are allowed to train and heal in early-game botw is because SHE is in the castle holding ganon back, protecting YOU. When you enter the final fight, you're not rescuing zelda, you're relieving her of her duty. taking over the work she's been doing for the past hundred years. in the final hour, you both work in tandem to defeat ganon. while this isn't a PERFECT example of a female character with agency and narrative weight, i think it's a pretty good one, especially in the context of save-the-princess games like loz.

as for totk, you put a lot of emphasis on rauru not believing zelda and taking action immediately, which, again, from an objective standpoint, i understand. but even when we're writing characters with social implications in mind, those character's actions still need to... make sense. Rauru was a king ruling over what he believed to be a perfectly peaceful kingdom. zelda literally fell out of the sky, landed in front of him, claimed to be his long-lost granddaughter, and then told him that some random ruler of a fringe faction in the desert was going to murder him and he had to get the jump on it by killing him first. the ruler which this girl is trying to convince rauru to wage an unprompted war on has the power to disguise himself as other people. no one in their right mind would immediately take the girl at her word. war is not something any leader should jump into without proper research and consideration, and to rauru's credit, he DIDN'T ever outright dismiss zelda. he believed her when she said she was from the future, he allowed her to work with him and he took her warnings as seriously as he could without any further proof. but he could not wage an unprompted war on ganondorf. that's just genuinely not practical, especially for a king who values peace among his people as much as rauru seems to. as soon as ganondorf DID attack, giving rauru confirmation that zelda's accounts of the future were real, he began making preparations to confront him. remember that zelda didn't KNOW that rauru and sonia were going to be casualties of the war--she didn't make the connection between rauru's arm in the future and rauru the king until AFTER sonia's death, when rauru made the decision to attack ganondorf directly. I think the imprisoning war and the casualties of it were less an issue of zelda being denied agency and more an issue of no one, including zelda, having full context for the events as they were unfolding. if zelda had KNOWN that sonia and rauru were going to die from the beginning and was still unable to prevent it that would be a different issue, but she didn't. none of them did.

I think another thing worth pointing out with rauru and his death irt zelda is that rauru is clearly written specifically as a foil to rhoam. this is evident in how he treats both zelda and link, with a constant kindness and understanding which is clearly opposite to rhoam's dismissiveness and disappointment. consider rhoam's death and the circumstances surrounding it. He died because, in zelda's eyes, she was unable to do her duty; the one thing he constantly berated her for. Rhoam's death solidified zelda's belief that she was a failure, a belief which she KNEW rhoam held as well. his death was doubly traumatic to her because she knew he died believing it was her fault. Now contrast that to the circumstances surrounding rauru's death. Rauru CHOSE to die despite zelda's warnings, because he wanted zelda and his kingdom to live. rauru's death was not agency-stripping for zelda; in fact, it functioned almost as an admission that he believed her capable of continuing to live in his place. With him gone, the fate of the kingdom fell to her and the sages. he KNEW that he would die and still went into that battle confidently, trusting zelda to make the right decisions once he was gone. where rhoam believed zelda incapable of doing ANYTHING without link, rauru trusted zelda COMPLETELY with the fate of his kingdom. several details in totk confirm that when rauru died there was no plan for zelda to draconify, that all happened after rauru was gone. it was HER plan, the plan which rauru trusted her to come up with once he was gone. and I think it's also worth noting that zelda's sacrifice with the draconification parallels rauru's!! Rauru gives up his life trusting the sages and his people to be able to continue his work in his place. Zelda gives up her physical form trusting link and the sages in the future to be able to figure out what to do and find her. these games in general have this recurring theme but totk specifically is all about love and trust and reliance on others. zelda relies on link, link relies on zelda, they both rely on the champions and the sages and rauru and sonia and they all rely each other. reliance on others isn't lack of agency, it's a constant choice they make, and that choice is the thing which allows them to triumph.

The draconification itself is something i view similarly to zelda's sacrifice in botw--a choice she makes which, symbolically & within the confines of the narrative, is a demonstration of her reclaimed agency and places her at the center of the narrative, but which ALSO removes her from much of the player's experience and robs her of any overt presence or decisionmaking within the gameplay. again, I think this is a solution to the macguffin-with-agency dilemma, and it's probably one of the better solutions they could have come up with. Would I have liked to see a game where zelda is more present within the actual gameplay? yes, but I also understand that at this point the writers aren't quite willing to deviate that much from their formula. the alternative within the confines of this story would be to let zelda DIE in the past, removing her from gameplay ENTIRELY, which is an infinitely worse option in my opinion. draconification allowed her to be present, centered the narrative around her, and allowed the writers to reiterate the game's theme of trust and teamwork when she assists the player in the final battle, which i think was a REALLY great choice, narratively speaking.

In any case, I don't think it's right to say that zelda was completely robbed of her agency in botw and totk. Agency doesn't always mean that she's unburdened and constantly present, it means she's given the freedom to make her own choices and that her choices are realistically written with HER in mind, not just the male characters around her, and I think botw/totk do a pretty good job of writing her and her choices realistically and with nuance.

[antianakin]

Do you think you’d like Mandos if they were more like Vikings? I think I heard from somewhere that’s what they were based off of. If they were anything like the TV show Vikings I would be behind them 100%. Imagine if they made Boba more like Ragnar instead of the Feloni version.

I can't quite tell if you're asking me if I'd like Mandalorians if they were written to be more like actual real life vikings or if they were writing more like the way the characters are written in the fictional TV show Vikings, but my answer is going to be similar either way. I don't know enough about either regular viking culture or the way the show Vikings chose to depict them to really be able to answer either way.

The thing I think you're remembering is that I believe it's been said that Lucas chose to bring in Mandalorians as a concept into TCW but changed them up to be more like "pacifist Vikings" (which is why they look the way they do in TCW) because he found that an intriguing concept despite how little it had to do with the way Mandalorians had been depicted in Legends up until then. And that concept mostly seems to come across as like "a group of people who were known for being very violent and doing a lot of pillaging and raiding and fighting in their past but it got to the point where they were so violent that they nearly destroyed themselves and their new leader has enforced a pacifist lifestyle in an effort to keep them from going completely extinct." I don't know that it necessarily took a lot from actual viking culture or traditions beyond that.

The reason I dislike the Mandos is more about the way they're written and the way fans tend to interpret them (especially in relation to the Jedi) than anything else. There's also the issue of like... the contradictions between Legends Mandos, Lucas's Mandos, and Disney/Favroni canon Mandos. People have tried REALLY REALLY HARD to fit in Legends Mando stuff with Lucas's canon Mandos, which leads to this idea that while Lucas shows Mandos as like... very black and white with Death Watch being the more traditional violent version and Satine being the modern pacifist version, there is actually some sort-of in-between that can exist. This is where you get the "True Mandalorians" and characters like Jaster and Jango and even newer characters like Din and, to some degree, Bo-Katan. There's this idea that you can be a violent person who works in something like bounty hunting and still be a good honorable person. Din is someone who does not CARE who he kills so long as he gets paid to do it when we first meet him (his whole catchphrase is "I can bring you in warm or I can bring you in cold" which tells his marks that he doesn't care if he has to kill them to get the job done), he's even initially fine with child trafficking being a part of his job description and BARELY ends up turning around to rescue Grogu after he's already been paid. And while I understand that this can make for some interesting character work and that a lot of people really enjoy the more morally ambiguous nature of this kind of character, these flaws and nastier choices often get brushed under the rug by their fans to try to portray them as better people than they are.

And of course, this often also ends up leading people to represent these characters, these "True Mandos" as the epitome of what a person should be. That these are people who truly understand honor and love and family, often as a direct contrast to the Jedi specifically. Even though these are people who hunt and kill others FOR A LIVING and are still choosing their leaders based on who can fight well enough to acquire one specific weapon. This is still a culture based primarily around violence, towards each other and towards the rest of the world. This doesn't mean these characters cant' be INTERESTING or ENJOYABLE, but too many people sit there and act like Mandos, especially "True" Mandos, are some sort-of mystical better than everyone else beings instead of the IMMENSELY flawed people that they are who would honestly be much better off if they were more like the Jedi.

This is one of the reasons I initially liked Sabine so much in Rebels, because we see how she has to learn a LOT of Jedi lessons about patience and mercy and sacrifice from Kanan that she's able to then apply to her Mandalorian heritage so that she can recognize which parts of their traditions are worth holding on to (the armor that's been passed down for generations and holds a lot of spiritual meaning regarding connections to their ancestors) and which are not (killing your enemies instead of showing mercy, being forced to be a leader just because she happens to be wielding this one specific weapon even though she's not ready or interested in the position). Notice that the things worth keeping about her culture are the things that are specifically NOT VIOLENT IN NATURE.

I think people also regularly overestimate how important and competent Mandos even are, True, New, or otherwise. We ROUTINELY see Mandos get their asses handed to them, by Jedi, by the Empire, by Rebels. There seems to be this pervasive idea that Mandos could change the course of the galaxy, that Mandos are the BEST fighters in the galaxy and if only they were around to help, they would be able to beat everyone else, and it just. Isn't true. They're good at BEING VIOLENT, sure, but this doesn't actually equate to being a better fighter than anyone else. They're so good at being violent that they keep just... exterminating their own people out of sheer stupidity to the point that they're not a real threat to ANYBODY. They destroy their own planet to the point that it's practically uninhabitable, they refuse to have a civil discussion with a group that is clearly outgunning them and then act surprised when this ends up with all of them fucking dead, they make themselves neutral in a galactic civil war and then act surprised when that means trade dries up, they lead two Sith lords and FOUR crime organizations onto their planet and then act surprised when they end up ousted out of their own leadership and instead accidentally end up with a Sith lord as a leader because he beheaded the Mando guy. Mandos IN GENERAL are just reckless, irresponsible, arrogant assholes, no matter which flavor they come in. They can't even help THEMSELVES let alone the rest of the galaxy.

And to some degree, I think that's part of the point of the Mandos in Lucas's canon, that they're just... total flops most of the time. They're an intentional foil to the Jedi in that they are a culture that RELIES on violence as a cornerstone of their behavior and worldview and never see peace as an option whereas the Jedi relies on peace always being an option and violence is just a last resort as a recognition that many other people don't share their desire for peace. The whole point of Mandos in Lucas's canon and even in Rebels to some degree is that their way of life is BAD and not one that SHOULD be preserved the way that it is. If the Mandos don't figure out how to change, they ARE going to just die out, not because anyone sees them as a threat and wants them eliminated, but because their own arrogance and stupidity is just inevitably going to cause their own end. The Mandos are a CAUTIONARY TALE more than anything else.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that isn't true about the vikings in the Vikings show. You're clearly rooting for them, so I have to assume that you don't view these characters and the culture they're representing as a cautionary tale about what NOT to do or be like. And that's fine, that show is clearly doing something very different with its story and the themes and messages it's sending than Lucas was doing with Star Wars. And I think shows like The Mandalorian are trying to do something similar by making their sort-of violently morally ambiguous character and his culture something you root for rather than a cautionary tale. Which... fine, in the vacuum of the story we had within the first two seasons of the show, that worked out okay. But as it's expanded outward into the greater Star Wars saga, this has become more and more of an issue because the Mandos AREN'T characters you root for in regular Star Wars. They just aren't, especially the variety that Din and Bo-Katan tend to represent. They're usually villains or antagonists for the more genuinely heroic characters, there to either be an obstacle or to represent the consequence of selfish choices. But Filoni and Favreau are SO insistent on making the Mandos the heroes AND on making them like the Legends Mandos they grew up on that these messages are getting flattened and lost entirely.

So I guess my answer to this question is that no, I don't necessarily think that the Mandos would be more enjoyable if they were more like the vikings, either the real ones or the fictional ones, because they just straight up aren't the heroes of this story and their entire culture as per Lucas's canon, the one based around violence as a first answer to everything, is intended to be a cautionary tale rather than something we root for. I think that the Mando culture as we know it isn't something that can be glorified and romanticized and still feel like it remains within the themes of Star Wars.

[sitp-recs]

15 fics with different takes on Harry

Nobody asked but here’s another self-indulgent reclist to celebrate Harry’s HBD week! I wonder how many people are open to seeing their fave under a new light? Some readers can be very picky when it comes to characterization, myself included; it can be scary but I also believe that new approaches can be exciting and thought-provoking, and help us understand the multiple layers underneath their personality, as well as imagine how different things could have been had they lived under different circumstances. I am all for having my perspectives challenged so I thought it would be cool to share some of the fics that made me go 🤯🫢 with their bold and captivating take on Harry. These include dark unhinged Harry, down & out Harry, pitiful Harry, himbo Harry and some other tropes that I’ve found particularly creative and refreshing. Each fic is unique in their own way so come pick your flavour of fanon Harry and enjoy!

The Language of Power by Lokifan (E, 2k)

Harry loves talking in Parseltongue to Draco during sex: his response is just delicious.

Magpie by @corvuscrowned (E, 4k)

Potter doesn't steal because he needs anything, Draco quickly learns. He doesn't do it because it makes him feel anything. It isn't about power, and it isn't about control. Potter just does it because he can.

The Antique Bed Frame by @lazywonderlvnd (E, 5.4k)

Draco “needs his bed fixed.” Harry offers to help.

Better Left Dead by calrissian18 (T, 6.6k)

A love story and a half.

World's Edge by RurouniHime (E, 15k)

In the harshest environment on earth, Harry finds that escaping is harder than simply running.

Violent Delights by primaveracerezos (E, 20k)

Draco Malfoy's life should be going very well. He's engaged to a wonderful man and in line for the Head Auror job. He's been made lead investigator on a serial murder case, trying to figure out who is killing off the scum of the wizarding world, one by one.

A Year in Training by Omi_Ohmy (M, 25k)

Harry is finally living his dream and training as an Auror, but nothing seems to be going right: he’s just so angry all the time. And Draco Malfoy’s presence on the programme really isn’t helping with that, either.

Fearful Trill by @vukovich (E, 29k)

Harry should have come out and met someone when he was younger. He should have seen a doctor about the pain in his hip while youth was still on his side. Now, he's made his peace with dying young, but maybe not with dying alone.

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (E, 41k)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t.

REVOLVEVLOVER by firethesound, zeitgeistic (E, 46k)

The work Harry does is justifiable. It’s justice. He works for his country, and his country is a republic—the magical side, anyway. It’s not laudable work, it’s not work he’s proud of, but it’s necessary work. Harry has always taken the necessary jobs that no one else has the stomach for.

Chocolate and Pastry by agentmoppet, anemonen (E, 50k)

When Pansy bets Draco that there is no chance he and Harry could carry out a genuine romantic relationship, he and Harry form a plan. But as their fake relationship progresses, Draco sees a side of Harry he never expected.

Harry Potter Gives a Shit by talithan (E, 58k)

“Where are you headed?” “No place special,” Draco fumbled, and flushed further. But then: “I can change that,” said Harry Potter.

Absolution by sunnyeclipses (E, 63k)

At the mercy of his failing marriage, Harry only meant to use the potion once — to get Draco to listen. It’s not his fault that it works so well and that Draco’s just so easy to control.

Balance, Imperfect by @bixgirl1 (E, 91k)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

A Sword Laid Aside by @korlaena (E, 128k)

When Draco’s cover is blown during a deep undercover operation and the Ministry is compromised, Ron takes Draco to the only safe place he can think of—Potter. Hiding out with a taciturn Harry Potter, who has been missing from the Wizarding World for almost two decades after a shocking fall from grace, is nothing like Draco thought it would be.

[xwiedzmax]

Fable lore made me cave

so.. recent lore huh? never posted anything on here before, but todays lore made me cave. so.. welcome to my rant? Icarus' agression towards Rae/Enderian upsets me on a personal level, but it is explainable from their pov. for a very long time they have struggled with many things, from not remembering their past, to being corrupted by Enderian and issueswith Quixis. their first problem that someone else has heavily impacted (well.. i do have a theory about the resets but thats a rant for another day) was getting corrupted by Enderian, at least in their eyes. Enderian did not force them to kill Haley (or any other bad stuff they did), nor did she propose it, they were doing it on their own accord. they were trying to gain Enderians approval. and I believe they have been doing that for a very long time in the past. Fable ignored Isla, focusing on his job a lot more, so I dont think he was a very good father either. therefore, I think Icarus would try to gain Fable's attention and respect. I think Fable influenced their childhood a lot, they learned and followed him, and he realized that they were becoming a 'mini him' from a young age. I dont think Fable necesarily cared about them, more about their potential and what they could do in his benefit. because of that I think they followed Fable around, and Fable let them follow him and learn from him, but everytime they tried to say something of their own or had their own opinions, they would be quieted (yes, this is more of a theory/headcanon than anything else, but it seems correct based on what we have). connecting this, to how they're acting now makes sense to me. they're following Fable and agreeing with him, they haven't said a single thing that voiced their disapproval or their own opinion on the matters Fable is discussing. they just smile and nod, everytime he says something. Icarus also said to Rae that he's blindly trusting Enderian, and they were upset about him wanting to find inconsistencies in the overall story, as well as getting more than 1 point of view of the events from the past. they are upset that Rae even listens to Enderian, because in their eyes, she has done nothing good, she only manipulated and lied. they dont fully know, or dont want to accept how much control over them Enderian actually had during the corruption. they simply despise Enderian, and want to believe nothing she says or does. Fable appeared in their time of need. they were struggling with their memories, and Quixis was still around. Fable seemed to give them hope of actually progressing and getting information. they also discovered a family member, someone they didnt think they had. the idea of a family gave them hope to trust Fable, thinking he would have more information about them, their past and generally just helpful information. Fable promised them some sort of safety that they believed, and that was really their only actual lead, because none of the gods have proven to be of some sort of help. when they got Fable out, he immidiately helped to 'stop' Quixis which gave them another reason to trust him, but he immidiately used that to his advantage, first trying to create a bond between them, gain their trust and give them some sort of comfort and safety. after the incident in the library, he immidiately took over any sort of control Icarus had. he placed his opinions and ideas in them, giving them a straight line of thought and absolutely no place for disagreement. he manipulated them into not trusting Rae, and since they already were in some shock and distrust because of their own brother hurting them, they believed everything he said. involving Enderian in his logic made it even easier to believe for Icarus, since theyre very much not a fan of her and already disagree with everything she has done. blaming Enderian for basically every trouble they stumble upon is Fable's main card to getting Icarus to agree with what he's saying, not including just the overall manipulation (helicopter parenting, isolating them n stuff).

besides that I do think the pure instinc of following what Fable says and does is kicking in for them, since thats what they did as a child, it is some sort of safe ground for them to not get punished and it is easier to follow what their father figure says, instead of thinking about what is true and what is not, what does and does not make sense. it is easier for them to follow the lead, and they have been choosing the easier path before, so it doesnt come as much of a surprise

anyways.. i shouldnt be allowed to write a long post like that. if anyone read through that all, first of all thank you, second of all have a nice timezone mate (oh and sorry if there are spelling mistakes and/or formatting errors in the text)

i shall disappear to the void now

[trashpandafiction]

The Chief's Daughter - One Shot

Summary: (Based on this plot idea.) You're the daughter of the chief of police in your suburban town and you worry about him working too hard. Dropping off meals, coming to check that he's not at the precinct more than he's home starts to get less tedious and repetitive when you meet his newest addition, Cyrus Lupo. Detective Lupo is a transfer from New York and he certainly keeps your father on his toes, so it's definitely a bad idea to fall for him. Right? Pairings: Cyrus Lupo x Reader Word Count: 1,994 A/N: Here it is! My first one shot back in the game. This isn't beta'd or anything, it's really just a little thing to help me dip my toes in the water again. There is far too little Lupo content and when I saw this prompt, the light bulb went off. I kind of want to turn this into a full story, but I don't know if anyone would be interested in a full story. I hope you like it though!

Please do not repost or redistribute my work! Reblogs are welcome!

When this newest case fell into your father’s lap, you knew that he was going to be working late nights and rarely be home. He assured you that he was going to make sure he was eating and getting some sleep, but you knew him better, and that’s why you were walking into the precinct now, holding a bag of dinner from his favorite local diner.

          “He’s on the field.” A familiar voice said from your left.

          You looked over to see Detective Cyrus Lupo leaning back in his desk chair, a smile on his face. “Again?” you asked him. He rarely went on the field anymore but for this case, your father made it a habit.

          “He should be back soon though, he’s been gone for close to two hours.” He replied.

          “Must have been important if he’s been gone that long.” You said, moving to sit in the chair beside Cyrus’ desk. “Do you guys have any sort of lead yet?”

          He shrugged, sitting up in his chair and rolling forward a bit so he could peer into the food bag. “A few, but nothing substantial so far. This is the biggest one we’ve had and that’s off the record.”

          You slid the bag closer to you while he spoke so he couldn’t look inside, earning a small frown from the man. “Well maybe him being gone this long is a good sign then. Why aren’t you out there with him?” you asked.

          “Someone has to hold down the fort while he’s away.” He said, which earned him a quirked brow from you. “He’s a little pissed off at me and has me on desk duty tonight.”

          Cyrus giving your dad problems was nothing new to you. Since he was transferred to your dad’s precinct out of New York, your dad saw him as a problem child. If you had a dollar for every time your dad referred to Cyrus’ “city experience” or “NYPD attitude”, you could have quit your job. When you first met Cyrus, you thought he was a bit arrogant but as you had gotten to know him on your visits to bring meals or just to check in on your dad, you realized he was anything but. He was caring, he worked hard, and he could always get you to smile or laugh, and that seemed to bother your dad, but you weren’t dating the man so what could be the harm in just chatting with him?

          “I have such a hard time believing that you’d ever get in trouble and assigned to desk duty, Detective Lupo.” You said with a smirk.

          “I can’t believe it either.” he said shaking his head.

          “So, what was it this time? Mouthy comment? Sarcastic remark? Too tough with a suspect? Flirting with a witness? I could go on.” You said with a cheeky smile.

          “You should be a profiler, you read people pretty well.” He teased. “He wanted me to drop a lead and I didn’t want to let it go.”

          You nodded at him to get him to continue.

          “It got us a different perspective and a potential new witness, but it also got me desk duty.” He shrugged. “I don’t know if it’ll play out or not but at least it’s something else to try instead of just sitting around.”

          Your dad was always about facts, not gut feelings, or hunches, and that’s one of the many reasons he butted heads with Cyrus. “Is that what he’s checking on now?” you asked.

          “No, I did. He’s checking on what the witness gave me earlier and I’m sure that if nothing comes from it, I’ll be at this desk for the next month.” He said, crossing his arms on his desk.

          “Well if he’s been gone almost two hours then maybe there’s something there.” You shrugged.

          “Maybe.” He mumbled. His phone rang and he checked the screen before raising his brows. “Maybe it was a good something because he’s asking me to meet him and Jameson.”

          “I won’t keep you from a good ‘I told you so.’” You stood up from the chair and held the bag of food. “I’ll leave this in his office for him.”

          Cyrus stood up and grinned at your joke. “I’m not gonna hold my breath.” He teased. “I’ll let him know you stopped by and that he has dinner waiting for him.”

          “Thank you. Be careful out there.” You said.

          “Always am.” He said, heading for the exit.

          You headed towards your dad’s office but stopped when you heard Cyrus call your name.

          When you turned to face him, he pointed at you. “And I don’t flirt with witnesses.” He said before giving you a grin. “Only daughters of my bosses.” He said before disappearing down the hallway.

          You couldn’t help but smile at the comment as you put the bag of food in your dad’s fridge. You wrote a note to leave on his desk and then headed out, Cyrus’ grin stuck in your head.

------------------------------------

          Two weeks later, your dad was finishing paperwork for the case and beginning the next one. He swore to you that he wasn’t going to be as ‘hands-on’ with this case, but that seemed to slip his mind after the first two days working on it. That’s how you had ended up at the precinct again, eating dinner with him in his office. It was good to actually sit down with him and check in with him, and you almost made it to the one-hour mark before he got a call and was back to work.

          You cleaned up the wrappers from your meals quietly, kissed the top of his head and whispered to him to be careful before you headed out of his office and towards the elevators. When the doors opened, you were greeted with a familiar face: Cyrus.

          “Fancy meeting you here.” You smiled.

          “You’re lucky, I’m rarely here.” He quipped back. “Going down?” he held his arm out to keep the doors open for you.

          “I am, thank you.” You stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the lobby. You had seen Cyrus here and there over the past two weeks, but since his comment about flirting with you, you got nervous around him. He must have picked up on it because it seemed like he was upping his interactions with you when you were around, like he enjoyed seeing you blush. “Have a good night, Detective.”

          Before the doors could close, he put his arm between them, causing them to open again. “Can I walk you to your car?” he asked with a crooked grin.

          The request took you off guard, but the doors attempting to close again seemed to pull you out of your head. “Sure.”

          Cyrus stepped onto the elevator and let the doors close before he spoke up again. “Your dad still working or did he actually stop to eat tonight?”

          “We managed to have a whole meal and a conversation for nearly an hour. I think that’s a record.” You chuckled. “I see you’re not tethered to your desk tonight.” You noted, looking up at him.

          “No, I’ve been good for the most part. Whenever I have a good idea, I just write it down in my journal instead.” He said with a smirk. “I’m glad you two got to sit down and talk though. I know he enjoys it too.”

          You nodded. “Good idea.” You teased. You smiled softly at his comment and nodded. “I enjoy it too, even if he thinks I’m being overbearing.”

          “He doesn’t think that, he’s just worried about you worrying about him.” He said.

          The doors opened when the elevator arrived at the lobby and Cyrus let you step out first before he joined you, holding the front door open for you. You were parked across the street and at this time of night, it wasn’t too busy.

          “You won’t give me a ticket for jaywalking, will you?” you asked him, zipping your jacket.

          “It’s not jaywalking if you’re getting a police escort. It’s a law.” He said, looking down at you and holding his arm out.

          “Oh, it is?” you asked, not believing him for a second, but still you linked your arm in his.

          “Yeah. Probably.” He said with a smirk before walking you across the street to your car.

          “Thank you.” You said when you got there, pulling your keys out and unlocking the doors.

          “Just doing my duty, ma’am.” He said, opening the door for you.

          You tossed your bag onto your passenger’s seat and then looked up at him again. You were about to tell him not to work too hard, but he interrupted your plan.

          “I haven’t said anything to upset you or scare you off, have I?” he asked, his arm leaning on the door as he spoke. Before you could ask him what he meant, he continued. “You just seem a little nervous around me lately and I hope I didn’t cause you to feel that way.”

          “No, you haven’t said anything.” Sure, he had made a comment about flirting with you but maybe he had forgotten about that.

          “I know I made the comment about flirting with you and I didn’t know if that was crossing a line or anything. I can knock it off if you want me to.” He continued.

          You smiled and shook your head. “Cyrus, you making a comment isn’t going to scare me off. If it did, I probably wouldn’t still be talking to you.”

          “Even if the comment was true?” he asked you, almost testing the waters.

          You looked up at him and cocked your head slightly. “Was it?” was all you could say.

          “That depends on whether or not that would make you act weirder towards me or not.” He said with a half grin.

          He was flirting with you, and he was telling you that he was flirting with you. Your dad would have Cyrus transferred by morning if he knew that you had been flirting back, even if you thought that it was just friendly banter. You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and shrugged, trying to find the words. “I won’t act weird towards you.” Good one. “Besides, it’s not like I wasn’t flirting back.” You added.

          He studied your expression for a moment before he grinned. “I’m glad we’re on the same page then.” He said.

          You smiled, nodding. “We are. Aren’t you still on the clock?” you asked him. “I’d hate to see you grounded at your desk again, Detective.” You teased before getting into the driver’s seat. You started the car up, Cyrus shutting the door behind you.

          When you rolled the window down, he leaned down so he could see you. “I just need to grab my stuff and finish my paperwork for the night which shouldn’t take more than ten minutes. I know you just ate, and it’s a little late for coffee.” He started, a hint of hesitation in his voice.

          Was he inviting you out? “How about dessert?” you asked him. “Lonnie’s is open late, and they’ve got the best sundaes in town.”

          He nodded at your offer. “I never turn down a lead on good food, especially the best in town.”

          “Well, finish your paperwork and then come meet me there. I have plenty of leads we can talk about.” You teased.

          “Great. I’ll see you there.” He grinned. He knocked on the top of the car before standing up straight and stepping away so you could drive off.

          You glanced in the rearview and saw him heading back into the building once you had pulled away. You weren’t sure how the night wound up in this direction, and you were a little scared of what your dad would have to say about it, but that didn’t stop you from driving to Lonnie’s for a late-night sundae with your favorite detective.

[low-keygee]

i am once again here to offer things about the thing 1982.

probably gonna be shorter bc i’m at work and don’t have much for this but i just needed it out of my brain.

at the very end of the movie when macready and childs are leant up against the barrels, they both share the sentiment of how tired they both are from the cold, the final showdown, the everything. i feel like macready letting on just how tired he is to childs was something of a last word, to let his vulnerabilities show.

in macready’s background he was a pilot in the vietnam war which was meant to explain why he was awake when the dogs were being attacked and why he tells the group after having been locked out that he’s a “real light sleeper”. so he obviously isn’t afraid to acknowledge what the war has done to him in that regard. but the end of the movie, plus this next scene show a bit of humanity for him.

when the drunken macready is recording the cassette for someone to find if/when they have been taken over/die/what have you. he talks about how the storm has been constant for two days and the long johns windows finds until he releases a small bit of what he’s feeling to the cassette.

“nobody.. nobody trusts anybody now. and we’re all very tired.”

he plays the tape back and starts speaking into it again, indicating he tapes over that line before saying “there’s nothing else i can do”.

macready’s insomnia really does seem to be a weak point for him. as much as everyone is aware of his poor sleeping habits, he doesn’t seem to want to admit just how tired he is. how powerless he feels in that regard.

in the defibrillator scene a while afterwards childs antagonizes mac with sleep (“you’re gonna have to sleep sometime macready”) which is where we get “i’m a real light sleeper” which then leads into a vague threat that mac never finishes (“and if anyone tries to wake me…”) which may mean the line prior is just meant to be taken more metaphoric (i think is the right word) than literal. like if childs tries to stir the outpost into taking out mac, mac will then do his dot dot dot.

then (i believe) the last mention is at the very end of the movie.

mac can hardly speak loud enough for childs to hear, his voice doesn’t hold the same command it has throughout the movie. he’s very much leaning against the barrels for support and is out of breath. he’s freezing, running on likely zero hours of sleep, after having faced off with the thing and sprinting out of the outpost before it blows. and he admits to childs as they both sit in the snow, knowing death will come soon for them both whether it be at the hands of the cold or the man before him, that he’s tired.

“if we’ve got any surprises for each other, i don’t think we’re in much shape to do anything about it”

“well.. what do we do?”

“why don’t we just.. wait here a little while. see what happens.”

mac finally lets on how tired he really is and lets himself sit and share a drink with childs before he dies in the snow.

i think his military past is important to talk about in this context as well. he was likely either taught or learned not to let on any weakness as a soldier as it would only earn him a knife in the back (hehe clark reference) and after leaving both the military and his previous job as a helicopter pilot to work at the outpost all he knew to do for his pain was to drown it in booze. he left to work at a research station where all he had to worry about was the weather and staying sober enough to take the chopper up. don’t think about macready being a war vet wanting peace of mind at a quiet research outpost in antarctica don’t think about it.

there’s been a few theories that childs was a thing and macready was testing him with a malatov cocktail but i think that they both died as men, and macready was able to rest knowing he’d served his outpost well.

idk if this was anything or if i’m reading too deep into mac’s 3 comments about sleep but his moment with the cassette and at the very end with childs always makes me so so sad and i needed to say the words out loud bc i heard a song that reminded me of mac 🫶