#Which i think is valid but i can never think of anything to say that doesn’t make me sound… 🥸
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Omg I typed a whole thing to respond to this and it disappeared.
Ok summary
1: this take is partly what I’m talking about and have a problem with. You are clearly treating disabilities as a purely medical thing which is something many neurodivergent people aren’t comfortable with
2: IM HALF OF THE THINGS I LISTED?? WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE IM PUTTING MY TWO CENTS WHERE IT DOESNT BELONG?? I entirely don’t understand the mentality of being protective or defensive about your experiences or trying to gatekeep certain things like wdym. Again that’s something I’m confused about why are you fighting with OTHER PEOPLE who are experiencing similar things to you. You SHOULD be fighting societal standards and fucked up medical systems/professionals, but instead are choosing to make things even harder for other oppressed and ostracized people I guess in some sort of hopes it’ll be easier for you that way??
2.5: ALSO also claiming that only disabled people are protective of their experiences compared to things like being queer/trans is???? Excuse me??? Have you heard of pride??? Have you heard of the 50 truckloads worth of hate crimes that queer people, especially trans women, experience?? Are you kidding me??
3: I’m not saying you have to have any specific opinion because of anything you experience, I’m saying I don’t get why there’s so much in fighting and this mentality of “yes I’m weird, but that guy over there is TOO weird. Fuck that guy” amongst different and similar “weird” communities
4: I’m not even actually calling us weird. Literally at the beginning of the post I put weird in quotes. I’m saying we’re all weird by like average societal standards, which is true, even if pointing it out upsets you. And even if and when I am actually calling us weird, WEIRD IS NOT A BAD WORD TO ME. WE ARE WEIRD, PEOPLE CAN DEAL WITH IT. You sound like you’ve never heard of reclaiming in your life
5: it feels like you’re saying disabled/neurodivergent people shouldn’t have their disability be a part of their identity in ANY way, which is something that MANY people in the disabled and neurodivergent communities would disagree with
6: at no point did I say that I think being autistic or having schizophrenia is the same as having an identity label?? I was just listing stuff that would, as I said, make someone “weird” by average societal standards. That being said though, things like being queer and trans and plural and alterhuman etc. are often (not always, but often) involuntary experiences, as are disabilities. People don’t really CHOOSE to be those things just because they’re “identity labels”. Identity labels are literally just a tool to explain who you are and what you experience, which includes ALL of that
Anyways this is the exact kind of thing I’m talking about like at any point did I say you have to think like this? No. At any point did I say that the things I listed should be treated and seen exactly the same? No. I didn’t say any of those things. All I said is I don’t get why people are always playing fucking validity Olympics with each other
Tbh the more “weird” a person is, the more I get confused when they don’t support other “weird” people
Like how can you be a system and alterhuman and objectum and autistic and trans and queer and schizophrenic etc etc but then be anti endo or anti “contradictory” labels
Like
Like dude those are our cousins what are you talking about
You’re weird as fuck why are you complaining about other people being weird in different ways tf
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Feeling
Using Google Translate here!🗣‼️‼️ Sorry for any spelling mistakes or inconsistencies, I'm working on fixing them and improving 🥺 My first person to tag! This is for you @softycheol, @jsprien213
I am hungry I have been hungry I was born hungry, what do I need? - Abbey, Mitski.
It's not your fault, it's not your fault.
The bathroom mirror covers half of the wall, it is a spider web that catches you with your worst enemy; the silence, your own mind.
The air feels heavy, closed, the bathroom (bigger than your own room in this house) is collapsing around you but the walls are still there, you feel like everything is collapsing on you but no one else can see it.
Or they don't care, and that's worse.
Why aren't they interested? Why don't they see you? Why between them and not with you? What's wrong with you?
"I think we both know all those answers"
The voice your voice echoes and is firm; You look serene, neat, with perfect posture and a face of steel, you look how you want to see yourself while you feel miserable.
"It's not fair" you whisper, trying to breathe, but tears and snot get stuck in your throat.
"Poor you, everyone is against you, right?" The tone your tone is sarcastic, mocking in a cruel way "What a shame, really, how sad"
For a moment you feel heard, understood by your mind, validated.
"If you really felt it"
You look up so hard that your neck hurts, you look in surprise at your reflection, which looks back at you with indifference, cold satire as if your suffering were its entertainment.
"What...?"
"Enough, stop this pathetic act, behave with dignity for once and not like a puppy looking for attention" Your breathing is erratic, fogging up the thin glass like the breath of a dragon or the proximity of a lit match.
That's how you feel, like a fire that gains strength inside you, that burns your intestines in order to free itself, to burn your bones, burn your skin, extinguish you and burn everything else.
"You're nothing ashamed, but that's in your blood"
"It's not true, I'm worthy"
"Worthy of what? Of attention? Of belonging? You were never worthy of anything" your words are harsh, hitting you physically and mentally "You never deserved it"
"You lie, I deserve it more than anyone"
"You just want to take and take, does that fill the emptiness in your stomach? In your heart?"
"Fuck your metaphors! You don't know shit!"
"Oh but I know" you whisper, smiling with all your teeth, beautiful and terrifying "Who but your mind knows what you really want; what you need"
"You don't give a shit about family, it was never your interest, that's why you let mom be kidnapped, and how well it turned out for you, right? Being rescued by a billionaire"
"Stop!"
"And the sad attempts to 'connect' with him, what did you really expect, a father and daughter relationship? You don't know what a father is, you don't know how to feel what you've never felt"
"Enough"
"Those children went through the same thing as you, dead father dead mother, and not even they considered you worthy of company! How humiliating can that be?!"
Your cries are ignored again.
"Child after child, further and further down the hall, and you cared? God no! Did it hurt you? Not at all, because you don't feel anything for these guys! You're angry that they didn't fall into your hands like the whores and the boss did when mom was no longer around!"
"Say it! Say that you love control! That you want to have everything because you feel like you have nothing! No matter how many awards you win, how many diplomas you have, how many skills you strengthen, YOU WILL NEVER BE SATISFIED!"
¡CRASH!
That didn't even hurt, and when the next person who entered the bathroom only saw the broken glass with the mark of a blow in the middle and blood staining the carpet down the hallway.
Now the new glass is small, it decorates the bathroom of your small house on the outskirts of Gotham, it barely covers your face and part of your collarbones.
Your reflection no longer sees you as insignificant, no, now you see yourself, now you are the reflection.
That didn't fill the void either.
#batboy!reader#batbros x reader#batfam x batsis#batfam x reader#yandere x reader#batfamily x reader#batsis!reader#dc x reader#yandere batfam#abandoned reader#reader
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We’ve got Ren, we’ve got Law… Now could we get advice for writing Strade? Thank you in advance!!! Love your writing so much!!! :33 <3
YOU GUYS ARE LITERALLY GONNA MAKE ME EXPLODE.
erm. cough. ung.
im actually not that. happy or confident in the way i write strade. idk what it is, so,,,, take this one with,, a LOT more than a grain of salt.
AGAIN, OBVIOUS DISCLAIMER, I'm not Gato and only she truly knows her characters and I am just throwing out my personal interpretation.
Strade, unlike Ren and Lawrence doesn't have many rules at all. In fact, he only has three, MAYBE four when I write him.
First one being that he's impulsive and does what he wants when he wants. It really is just that simple for him. He has preferences though, so that means he's predictable if you know him and therefore less terrifying. He can also be easily swayed into a different direction, but his mind can change just as quickly.
Second one is that he's very, very smart, but not intelligent. He's so incredibly egotistical and prideful that thinking of flaws in his system isn't even an idea to him. He would know this structure is flawless! He built it! Additionally, Strade's often too caught up in the moment to actually check on your restraints, but it's not exactly hard to miss them either. It's up to fate, essentially. This goes for your wounds as well! Good luck!
Third rule is dedicated to Strade's ego. He values his sense of self above all else. He'll do anything to anyone and will try pretty much anything once, unless it puts him in a submissive or small position. Embarrassment is a feeling that man can NOT stomach. It makes him flee as soon as he possibly can- though embarrassing him is not easy to do as his pride is stronger than a steel wall.
And I said MAYBE four rules because this one can be included in the first one, but- Strade acts on impulse. Whatever he wants he gets, and that is sometimes something kind. He can be kind. Absolutely not in large amounts and it's not common, but it can happen! Sometimes he gets fuzzy and feels his sad little captive needs a shower, or perhaps a sweet treat to raise those spirits. Aside from treating his captives, he's also a pretty sweet guy when out and about. Does favors for his neighbors because he has the skills and likes the validation. He also gets off on being a good person in the eyes of strangers because he knows that they don't know what happens at home.
It's all about moods. Strade doesn't have some secret dark-side, it's all the same dude. Like when I sit down to draw vs sit down to write, I'm still me, I'm just writing or drawing. This is his ideology. That being said, Strade likes to live as one whole unit when he has a captive unless he's in a specific mood to be a big bad guy. He'll come down and ask how you're feeling sometimes. He'll bring a plate just to sit with you and complain about his day, or fucking Janice from the store, thinking she gets ALL the baby-pink yarn. He doesn't even knit, he just knew she was hogging it all so he took a skein. You wanna skein of baby-pink yarn??? Boom, you have one now. I'd say he's a pretty decent guy when you don't have his target on your back, which makes it all so much sadder.
Furthermore, he almost never feels bad about his actions, but there is a single night perhaps once every year where he'll stare at his ceiling wondering if he can be fixed. It is very quickly snuffed out by his fucking NEED to defend himself TO himself, but the seed is planted there nonetheless. What's the point of living if you're not enjoying the gift of life? It's not a privilege, it's a right, and if you wasted yours by finding yourself in his basement, oh-fucking-well. That's on you.
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Also I'm not sure I've said this yet but—
I really dislike how much of the lore leads to Solas.
Saying "there's a lack of complexity" in regards to DAV feels like pointing out that water is wet but seriously, the way every mystery in DA boils down to one or two people is so reductive to what could have been a fantastically spanning and complex story. I felt like they wanted to go there but didn't, so instead wound up with off-tone comments about love and murder, over simplifications that are frustrating to come from a character who's supposed to be a detective. Life is never that simple and moreover these are seemingly the originators of all elvhen life, HOW is that supposed to be simple? Where is the courtly intrigue? If there's drama, where is it? There's just not enough information to be gleaned from a few murals depicting Solas' memories. And don't get me started on how treating memories as a wholly reliable source of unbias information is a really awful idea. And these people, as professionals, should know this. Emmrich especially, as a Fade expert, should KNOW that stories told through the Fade are variable and change depending on who or what is influencing the story. Solas himself says "they're all true" when asked about Ostagar, which is a way of validating theories but also paints an interesting picture of the unreliably intangibility of the Fade itself.
And then these mfers just go "Oh ya that's how it is 100%, no need to dig deeper."
MOTHERFUCKER.
The Fade is NOT that simple!
But I'm getting off topic.
There needed to be more characters. And this goes for just about everything in this game. Dorian, for example, being the person giving the anti-slavery speech AND being the guy who gets up and almost beats a guy over slavery AND being the magister insider AND blahblahblah introduce new characters. I'm frustrated at this because 1. It really makes the SD fight seem grim if they've only got two magisters, one a former magister and the other still throwing out lines about "illegal slavery" my brother in Andraste there is no legal slavery. It makes sense for someone like Dorian to still have backwards thinking but they need another character with saner ideals because they can and should exist. And they need to not be one of the three different kinds of Tevinter noble.
Solas being the one to forge the dagger is stupid. Develop Sylaise or something. Make her do something. Give her space to exist.
"But then how do we tie Solas to the Titans?"
YOU DON'T???????
You can LITERALLY remove that entire detail and change nothing! Solas doesn't need to be tied to the Titans!
It would even improve the fucking trick plot! Because the that actual fuck does a guy who CRAFTED a dagger attuned to him NOT recognize it? Unless he didn't actually craft or use the dagger or have anything to do with the dagger? And just stole it to seal the Evanuris away?
SEE LITERALLY NOTHING CHANGES!!!!
The Solas-Titan shit was just to make him less sympathetic, that is IT. It serves no other purpose to the plot.
"How else will Solas be guilty?"
And here's where neutering your homegirl Mythal fucked you over! SHE is why! Because she's actually a pretty awful person who wields guilt like a fucking scalpal! And then she dies and Solas feels responsible! BOOM you got your guilt! Oh not enough? Well the Veil FUCKED elves for thousands of years! His people are in ruins because of him! He doesn't need Titans for this!
I truly wholly do NOT understand why he needs to be tied to the Titans and the Blight. Okay he's scared shitless of the Blight. You know a funny story that could have been used to explain that? And also explain how Solas knows how to sooth the Blighted artifact? Fen'Harel was tricked into becoming Andruil's servant. Andruil was Ghilan'nain's lover. Solas got a front row seat of their bullshit. Boom you develop two queens in STEM, and explain Solas' fear and knowledge of the Blight. Or something idk I wish they'd referred to that story again though because the things they imply Solas suffered in the previous 3 games were absolutely downplayed to make him less sympathetic in DAV.
#datv critical#veilguard critical#im ranting lets be real here#not literally angry a lot is performative but like i DO think the writing decisions were stupid
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this might be silly to ask here, but i think you guys give neat advice! i don't know if either of you have experienced this yourselves, but if you have, how do you get over writing anxiety? i find that i place too much value in validation and will sometimes talk myself out of writing something because i fear it's imperfect. is this something either of you have dealt with? if so, how did you get over it?
Perfectionist anxiety is a bitch, and this very much sounds like it! The main piece of advice I can give here is to embrace the truth that things you make sometimes won’t be amazing, and will never be perfect. Perfection is a lie creatives tell themselves is achievable. It simply isn’t. All perfectionism can do is keep you from being happy during the process of making art. It will never do anything else. The concept of “perfect” is your enemy. It’s just going to make you miserable the whole time you’re writing or painting or whatever, because you know what you’ll get isn’t perfect, and you’re striving for it anyway, so you aren’t having fun. And really, that’s what we’re all here for, isn’t it? Fun?
The main thing that’s saved me from reworking stuff over and over again is a lesson I’ve learned, which is being able to say to yourself, “Well, it’s not exactly how I wanted it to be. I don’t know if I like this one. Oh well. Moving on.” There is an immense power in “oh well, moving on” that will keep you creating even when you make something you actively hate. That’s not to say you shouldn’t strive for improvement, nor should you not attempt to do your best. What the goal here is, is the ability to step back from your need for perfection, look over what you’ve made, and be able to both critique it and accept its flaws, and then head off to the next thing. “Fuck it” is your greatest tool here. Ain’t the next Lord of the Rings? Fuck it. Next story.
Take it this way: you’ve learned something new every time you catch a flaw in your writing, which means you’ll do better next time. You are always scaling up in quality as long as you’re seeking to improve. Again, you will never be perfect, but you will be better than you were before. That’s something to celebrate, not scold yourself for! And the only way to do that is to say “fuck it” and keep writing. You can’t think yourself into greatness. You have to create okay stuff first and learn from those mistakes.
As for validation: attention from strangers is nice, but there’s a good exposure therapy in posting something and receiving crickets over and over. You get used to it and gradually learn to lessen its value in your head. I’ve personally been able to adjust to not getting much attention on my personal projects and art that I love so dearly, and just moving forward anyways, because I’m excited to do it, and that’s whose opinion I should care about. It’s the love of the game at this point for me. Importantly, it’s been able to teach me to find the true value in art, which is the process of creation, not the creation itself. I utterly adore making things, to the point that I don’t even really care about the end product anymore or the attention it may or may not get. Sure, I want it to be good and get notes, but what’s the point if I’m not enjoying myself while making it? What’s the value in perfection and attention when I’m miserable because that's all I'm doing this for? I’m the one that loves these characters and this setting the most, right? What else can I do but serve them as best as I can, and keep going as long as I need to? It's no loss if the entire internet doesn't love it the way I do. I'm creating it, and that makes me happy. What else need there be?
That’s how I think of it, at least. I hope this helped a little.
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Fun fact! This was the real tipping point that made Edgeworth run away after AA1, they just couldn't show it on screen because they didn't have the rights to Chappell Roan's music <3
(A spiritual successor to my "Hot to Go" joke from this post. Image description under the cut below)
[Image ID: a four page black and white comic of characters from ace attorney.
The Judge stands solemnly at his podium holding a gavel "Mr. Miles Edgeworth, you are on trial for the murder of blah blah blah..."
A cheerful Maya Fey leans over to Miles Edgeworth, who is staring straight ahead and looking very concerned
Maya: "Psst! Mr. Edgeworth! If you win your trial, can I show you Chappell Roan?
Miles: "What the hell, sure." Internally he thinks "Oh God I am going to jail"
A box saying "later" in the top corner of the next panel marks the passage of time.
The Judge smiles as he says "I declare you... Not Guilty!"
We see a full body shot of Maya dancing excitedly while Miles looks on, emotionless
Maya: YIPPEE omg you're going to LOVE this
Miles internally thinks "oh no, the consequences of my actions.
We see Miles standing in between Phoenix Wright and Maya looking apprehensive. Maya beams in excitement, while Nick puts a reassuring hand on Miles' shoulder
Miles: Alright, so what is this exactly?
Nick: She's a pop musician Maya really likes
Maya: You promised you'd let me show you, and it's legally binding because you said it in a court room!
Miles: That is not how the law works Ms. Fey
Maya: Shh just listen!
We see a panel of Miles' pensive face concentrating as he listens to "Hot to Go". He thinks to himself "hm".
Another panel zoomed in more. His pensive expression has grown more tense/confused as he listens to "Red Wine Supernova". he again thinks to himself "Hm" in a larger thought bubble.
We zoom out again to see Nick, Miles, and Maya standing together again. Miles stares forward blankly, eyebrows raised. Maya excitedly leans in.
Maya: Ok, that's her whole discography. So! What did you think?
Nick looks at him, waiting for his response
We get a panel of Miles, looking bewildered. He starts to speak "I..."
We cut again to see the three of them standing together.
Miles: I... don't think I like women?
Miles looks shocked and confused. Nick is bent over laughing, using a hand on Miles's shoulder to support himself. Maya looks outraged and appalled!
Maya: MR. EDGEWORTH! Just because you don' like her musi it doesn't give you an excuse to be sexist!
We see a panel of Miles looking stressed and confused. He leans his head on one of his hands, which messes up his hair, showing how he isn't his normal put together self.
Miles: I should rephrase that. What I mean is, Ms. Roan is clearly VERY assured in her feelings towards women. I was... unaware that anyone felt that strongly. I thought we all viewed these things with a vague sense of distaste and unease but collectively ignored it. Like how we do with climate change.
We zoom out again to see the three of them. Miles stands in the middle looking deeply uncomfortable and lost in thought, vibrating with unease. Nick and Maya exchange deeply concerned glances across from him.
With lingering unease, Miles begins to walk away.
Miles: Well, I should be going then. Goodnight.
Nick hesitantly raises a finger to point out an inaccuracy in that statement
Nick: It's four in the afternoon-
he gets interrupted by Miles who repeats firmly: I said Goodnight
Nick looks in the direction Miles walked off in.
Nick: ...He'll be ok, right?
Maya reassures him: Of cours Nick! I mean, what's the worst that can happen?
Jump cut to a closeup of Nick's hand holding Miles' letter which reads Miles Edgeworth chooses death in all caps. Then, below in smaller font, it says Also femininomenon was really good, thanks.
We see a panel of Nick glaring wordlessly at Maya as he holds the letter in his hand. Maya leans against the wall and looks away, whistling, trying to look innocent to avoid blame.
As a bonus, we also have a page that takes place a year later. Miles and Nick stand talking. Miles looks calmer now, and Nick smiles encouragingly.
Miles: In my time in Europe, I've been examining myself and my approach to law. Ultimately, the most important focus must be justice. We owe it to ourselves and to the people we serve
Nick: Wow, that's really inspiring Edgeworth. And, uh, hows the... the other thing going?
We get a zoomed in panel of Miles glaring menacingly at a suddenly nervous Nick
Jumping out again, Miles turns his back to Nick as he continues to talk
Miles: So as I was saying, justice is truly so important...
Nick nervously rubs the back of his neck wearing an awkward expression as he sweats nervously. He thinks to himself internally "Ooookay then, clearly still working through some things there"
/.End ID]
#Miles can handle horrifying truths about the death of his father and the nature of his guardian#but he draws the line at questioning his sexuality!#also. serious moment for a second#I think we focus a lot on moments of queer discovery stemming from attraction to the same sex#like that being the moment of panicked “oh no I'm different”. Which makes sense and is valid!#But I think it's also compelling to explore the opposite but similar twist in your gut that is:#oh my god I don't feel anything in this situation where others do. oh no something something is wrong with me#and this is something that gay and lesbian people have in common with ace and aro people!#I feel such tenderness and kinship to everyone who has been in that situation#and it's why i will never understand why aspec folks are pitted against gay or lesbian representation#we are drawn to the same characters bc we had such similar experiences and isn't that lovely that we can find solace in media?#so NO FIGHTING. We should all be BEST FRIENDS. my brothers in arms. I'd die for you.#all that is to SAY: I personally read edgeworth as asexual and like demiromantic/gay.#but YOU can read him as just gay in this comic if you want <3#Also. i just thought it would be funny if it took a lesbian to make him realize he didn't like women#I think he would have no clue how to react to chappell roan. Same vibe as giving a victorian orphan a baja blast and a crunchwrap supreme#ok sorry shutting up now#ace attorney#ace attorney comic#ace attorney trilogy#gyakuten saiban#phoenix wright#naruhodo ryuichi#miles edgeworth#mitsurugi reiji#maya fey#ayasato mayoi#my art
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doing the heavy lifting in a convo can be so tiring omfg
#THIS IS NOT ABT ANYONE HERE BTW I’M JUST RANTING#we talk abt the non-yappers but what about the Yappers…….#like are you interested in talking 2 me or not my friend lmk bc if not it’s always so much easier not to speak 😭#and i try to match people’s energies in how they text my friend said i’m a weird little chameleon like that#don’t know why they put the weird and little there but i’ll let it slide bc that’s oomf4life 🤨 but anyways#sighhhhhh sometimes i’m like oooooh am i too much ^_^ and then i back off#ONCE AGAIN THIS IS NOT ABT ANY MOOTS OR ANYTHING i love you all i would die for you#you can see me as the gum on your shoes and i’d be like :3 YIPPEE!!!!!!!!#but it’s like sometimes i talk and they don’t respond and i think they do to others and then i’m like :O LIKE DID I DO SMTHN WRONG#and like w IRL’s/close moots it’s totally fine like we’ve gone weeks w/o talking and then just get in the groove immediately#but then w a very small handful of people it’s like damn . baby i’m pulling teeth and i do Not feel like pulling anymore#BUT ALSO!!!!! i need to think from their perspective and maybe some people don’t like my texting energy which is fine and valid (die)#((kidding))#and also maybe some people feel that way abt me! like it’s pulling teeth or it’s just awkward (which is genuinely valid)#anyways . inch of resting#i will say i do worry sometimes that i end up centering the convo about what EYE think but i never mean it in a narcissistic way!#i just want them to know that i relate/they’re not alone! but i wonder if they may think that i’m making it abt me WHICH I PROMMY I’M NOT…#but there’s no point thinking that way but also . i don’t care NFNDNDNDN respectfully like i have my group and i can just stick w them :3#i rarely vent on here like this but SIGHHHHHH where else can i <3 i love tumblr tags#i would be nothing without tumblr tags i can talk here like it’s no one’s business#ANYWAYS TIME 2 EAT A BURRITO AND THEN WRITE#personal
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:/
#I say this with no irony or spite:#One of the most baffling recurring experiences in three years of bsd fandom is people who keep following this blog with#“proship don't interact”. Or ss/kk blogs with “proship” listed in their dni.#I don't have anything against anti-proshippers. I think the debate is intellectually interesting.#I think fiction having a negative influence on reality is a valid concern to have.#But that said... How can you stand by that AND support ss/kk? Like in any form??????????#Because to me it can be either 1) They don't know what “proship” means#or 2) they think dismemberment and psychological torment and insults and repeated killing attempts are okay in a relationship#Which. They aren't. Girl if someone treats you like either Akutagawa and Atsushi treat each other dump them immediately. Seriously.#Never talk to them ever again. Even if it doesn't include the dismemberment part the rest is bad enough!#I don't know why I'm saying this.#The thought of someone at any point thinking ss/kk isn't a proship (and thus something acceptable in real life) is quite distressing for me#random rambles
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today:
Walked 5 miles bc no one wanted to speak up and say “hey maybe we should turn around it’s 80 degrees”. but it was lovely
tinashe concert 🫶🏿 and i met Raveena she was very sweet.
saw a SNAKE on that 5 mile walk it was a big one too. this is the same !!!urban!!! trail i saw the coyote on. when i say urban i mean this stretch is entirely paved and almost never more than 20feet from at least two commercial establishments
also saw gina rodriguez when i went to brunch this morning?
#i never talk to celebrities bc i feel like i have to explain why i (a stranger!) am approaching them#Which i think is valid but i can never think of anything to say that doesn’t make me sound… 🥸#me to gina rodriguez: i loveeeed you on Hollywood houselift and in those gifs on tumblr from the gay movie you were in#now my friends and her mom and husband are all looking at me like I’M the crazy one… 🙄#like imagine you’re eating brunch with your family and some random person came up to you mid bite and said “i saw your Instagram reel 🧍🏿”#why do that 😭 wait 5 years I promise they’ll have a CW nostalgia convention you can meet her there
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i don't know if i am horrible at communicating when i want a little attention or when i feel forgotten, or if people just in general never think it is about them because in their mind all of our needs are met and i am venting about everybody else?
#both could also be simultaneously possible#but doing the first one feels like shit cuz i want the need for me to naturally come and it somehow feels forced#even tho they could just listen to me and then reassure me once and then never think about it again#so like maybe i cant force anyone to feel anything anyways#so i should not worry about the results being insincere after i open up about them#but then it just makes me feel even more like shit cuz then i cannot hide behind it not being on purpose or out of lack of care#if they change nothing#and then i have to confront myself if i can live with it or if it hurts me too much or if i should give it less energy to preserve my sanit#BUT THE SECOND THING#which is a valid assumption on their sides i mean i had friends say they do not have friends#but then they did not count me in there#which i only realised after comforting them and also just asking so i know how i could support them more in such times obvi#i should really not drink this much caffeine and sugar in a day#it creates emotions and tired awakeness at night and we cant have that#DO NOT CONSUME 2 ENERGY DRINKS AND TWO COFFIES A DAY PEOPLE#W A R N I N G#nobody take this personally too please i am just great#it will all turn out well the road is sometimes just bumpy but its rideable yknow#BUT I AM DOING AMAZING fr fr#like no worries please i really did just get philosophical at midnight for no reason other that high sugar intake
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#I get tired of people trying to explain what lens I should view the world through; what way I could think that would make everything better#forgive me but I don't care; I do what I do and I do what I can and you don't see the work I do under the hood#I don't want advice on self validation or whatever; I want... I want someone to hold a mirror up so I can actually see myself#by which I mean I want input on how I'm doing; if it's good enough; if it's worth anything; if anything I make is good#everyone things I'm nice; everyone has always thought I'm nice#but given nice leaves me profoundly isolated I don't think I care#not to mention in my opinion what nice in this instance means is that I'm capable of listening#it's mostly that I have manners rather than some quality about me#I'm well behaved and polite and can listen; and that's perceived as nice or even sweet#and it's not like I'm offended by people seeing me that way; but maybe you can get why... I can't do anything with that information#but if I'm doing enough... if I provide any value to the world... I might have heard that less times in my life than years I've lived#that's where I'm totally blind#people don't tend to offer any input; and also people don't tend to let me know what they're thinking#and I in fact am not a mind reader; I can often accurately infer things; but no of that means a thing till it's confirmed#and... well... hopefully no one reads the stupid shit I say and especially not the tags so this is safe and hidden#but truthfully people just like to hear that stuff they're doing is wanted and matters#and I do not#I don't know... gotta go do more cleaning cause I need to#and I have no idea if... I've got a reason for fighting so hard to clean; but I get very little input so... I expect... well...#and thankfully I don't think they read my tags so I can say this#but I really expect they won't take me up on my offer to come out here and get away from their parents; so there will be no pay off#not that I blame them in the slightest... it's just the only possible pay off for this cleaning would be helping someone I like out#and a scrap of company#but then again... in many ways anyone coming out to live with me is the worst thing they could probably do#sorry... I have a rather bleak outlook on many things surrounding myself purely cause of what I infer from the past#there is never pay off; only more shit I need to get done#I will never be loved; I will never be wanted; I will always just kinda be an afterthought that's occasionally worth venting to#no one will ever be particularly interested in anything I'm interested while I'll chase their interests or at least try to#certainly let them talk about them when they want#...though I take that over my normal total isolation... better to at least be permitted to follow in someone's shadow than have nothing
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am getting a lot of character inspo for shri’iia from amy gone girl. I don’t think she’s as smart nor calculated but she is similar to some degree in that she’s hyper aware of the current persona she’s presenting and how she’s appealing to the people. the masks and the mjndgames, that’s basically how shri’iia operated while she was still serving under her matriarch in menzoberranzan. she needed to play the roles the matriarch required of her and it was only when she was with her matriarch that she can be ‘Real Shri’iia’, and that’s how I imagined shri’iia to be esp in act 1 when she is so new and scared in the surface. she needed to work out who these people are (her companions) and what they liked, so her first persona - her blank one - the charming helpful paladin who got tadpoled and wants to go back home just like the rest of them (which was half true). she didn’t really argue and she generally agreed to what the group wanted. she was helpful and co-operative, ask her about her past and she will tell you something bland and generic- interesting enough to be ooh-ing about but not too interesting that they’ll delve deeper into it. then, when she got to know them a little more, she started crafting little personas adjacent to her first one ; she’s the girl who’s curious about magic but never had the chance to learn with gale, she’s a cool girl who likes mischief as debauchery with astarion, she’s the one who likes to take risks and live in the moment with karlach, the knight in silver armor who’s willing to help the tieflings with wyll, a disciplined fighter with lae’zel, someone who understands the depths of devotion with shadowheart - but none are really her, not really. ofc her own personality might slip in here and there but for the most part she’s appealing to them and what they’d like her to be but none of it is really genuine. shri’iia just needs to be on their good side to minimise the chances of them turning on her, and if they let her guard down it’ll be easier for her to get rid of them should the need arise. taking up all these different masks, collecting all these intel abt them to be used for later, slithering and making a place in their minds - it’s really how she operated back in menzoberranzan. I think the only one who catches on to her game is astarion but that’s bc he’s doing the same thing too, so it’s very game recognises game lmfao
it’s only when she breaks her oath and goes through her existential crisis that all of her masks drop and her real self comes out. she was never that kind of person lmfao ^, she’s greedy, selfish, paranoid and rather obsessive. she doesn’t care about a lot of things that doesn’t concern her, she has a cruel streak that she hasn’t shown before, and she hates doing anything that won’t really benefit her. but she’s fiercely loyal to anyone she likes, like a dog. and severely she craves validation and approval - also like a dog.
#like if shri’iia was smarter and wiser it’s really over for you hoes 😔 but she’s not lol#the matriarch also taught her how to deceive so she had good training lool like that’s coming from the master liar herself#and in game Shri’iia’s deception is p high so it tracks 👯♀️#but anyway I finished reading gone girl and shri’iia would’ve turned out like amy in her vengeance ending#I think if her paranoia consumed her and an outside figure validated her way of faking herself#and generally moulded her back to being that overly obsessive paladin who lives to serve - which is what her matriarch made her to be#but obv she can’t be that girl in the surface .. they can’t know abt the Lolth worship! they’ll kill her! so she makes a new one … a#completely different one that’s so detached from her previous self … someone new and charming and fun and harmless and the kind of person#you’ll feel safe around and happy to travel with. she is that girl! and more! and she’s down for anything! and she loves to help!#but she forgets the goddess she worships is fickle and vengeful and proud so her favor drops and suddenly her real self is left#with nothing .. so she doesn’t know what to do anymore … she doesn’t know if she should keep up this fake one I mean what’s the point does#she even have it in her anymore?? how can she go back home when they don’t want you back#like who is SHE without lolth even … bc the girl that she has been playing is nothing but a blank image#and that’s NOT her .. never been her… so shri’iia is left bewildered confused and even more scared#like what do you do if you’ve been left behind in this new world?? and the purpose of your existence doesn’t want you anymore but the#thing is she knows where she went wrong.. but she didn’t have a choice - or did she?? shri’iia doesn’t know .. she’s not a planner#you don’t need to plan when your matriarch does all the thinking for you and you just do what ur told bc there is nothing better than to#serve and fulfill your oath …!!! so she ends up getting wasted in a party with the people she didn’t even care to save lmfao#and then she gets drunk and ends up fucking this one guy just bc she asked and she’s already hit rock bottom#lolth always says fuck elves anyway so she goes off and do just that 🤷♀️#shut up abt bg3.
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a few days ago i had the epiphany of like, okay, i’m not kidding anybody here and the only people disagreeing with me are figments of past people who float around in my head. i have BPD. and it would take a major fucking overhaul of my entire life and the way that i have operated for seventeen years to say any different. so instead of me saying BPD with fifteen asterisks specifying i am not technically sure and this is medically recognized but not professionally diagnosed etc etc let me just say i have it.
and then now i’m like oh God but what if i don’t have it
#nightmare.personal#like at this point i think the only thing that would convince me is to have a professional say it#but my therapist literally will not diagnose me (for several reasons which are all incredibly valid) and i am not seeing another person#like i am lucky enough that i have a therapist that i can scream at for a session and then the next time talk about my last date or whatever#i don't want to have this label put on me because that's going to fuck up so much about my life#but i am literally never going to be able to get rid of that doubt that's telling me nobody thinks you have BPD you're lying to yourself#and it's like! that's not unreasonable for people to think! i know that i'm 17 and that's young for a diagnosis!#and maybe i'm biased because people have told me to look into BPD because of my behaviors since i was 13#but i've watched testimonial videos and spent hours in forums and talked to people diagnosed with BPD and read articles about it#and i've studied the symptoms like the back of my fucking hand and i've tracked my behaviors and i've done EVERYTHING#and i've considered EVERY other option i've considered: autism ptsd bipolar adhd. to name a few#and NONE of them explained this the ONLY thing that makes sense is bpd#not even other personality disorders explain it it's just this one#and i know people think that you shouldn't seek labels but. i have been looking for a community for so long#and now i think i have one. but i still feel like i don't actually have it#and that everyone thinks i'm lying but just isn't saying anything yet
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#(on that last post i reblogged)#(the one about how online leftist spaces think its better to never do anything wrong than to do one thing right)#i think a Big issue with this statement is Everyone (and i really do mean Everyone) can and will have different opinions on what is 'right'#like i fully agree with it#but scrolling through the comments there are people that i fully agree with talking about how other leftists/liberals have issues#with what theyre doing/how theyre doing it#and yeah its completely annoying and they definitely fit into exactly what the post is saying#but. for example: a person said how they work at a homeless shelter and how a friend said they disagreed because shelters will exclude ppl#and yeah. this fits into what the post is saying.#but also thinking along their thoughts: theyre thinking about the peopld that wont be able to get into a shelter#and how the shelter not helping them in could lead to them being harmed in some way#and even though its annoying as shit for the thought process not being 'so we need to help out who we can'#its also the point their making is 'we have a inherently flawed system that wont let us help everyone that needs it. which is bad'#(which would include the shelter)#because even though the shelter has reasons for excluding people from it (mostly valid)#its still excluding people. which would be not good at all in their eyes (so the shelter wouldnt be good either)
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MANIFESTATION, AND IT'S CORE
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/75d17c97542402dca91d63fb50b14ef6/e3379f6ac821a533-d5/s540x810/83ca44fec8c7b399a3dffd1be198e7f42582bf7e.jpg)
this isn't a FUCKING joke. all of this isn't some big lie just so people can mess with you.
it's not "too good to be true", it's not "one day I will", it's not "can I?", it's not it's not it's not. it's REAL, it's LITERAL, it's YOURS.
it's different names for the SAME FUCKING THING. IT'S ALL THE SAME. one's not harder than the other, one's not easier than the other. it's the EXACT same.
lucid dreaming is the same as shifting which is same as manifesting which is same as the void. it's all the same. THE ESSENCE OF IT IS ALL THE SAME.
and the FACT is that it's all yours. NO, you don't have the "power to do it" because YOU DON'T NEED THAT BULLSHIT. it's YOURS.
there's no "specific time", "special day", "the one moment", "the one word" that'll make you shift/everything else. there's no nothing. there's nothing that you'll find that'll "make you" shift. there's no secret formula, secret recipe, "oh, maybe I'm doing this wrong", "wait, maybe if I do this", "maybe if I try that". there's just you, and everything that's already yours. SO OWN UP TO IT. SAY IT WITH YOUR DAMN CHEST THAT IT'S YOURS. SAY IT SO LOUD THAT EVEN SOMEONE IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL AND IN THE HEIGHTS OF HEAVEN HEIGHTS CAN HEAR THAT IT'S YOURS. say it with such a sense of entitlement that GOD HIMSELF hears you, sees you, and acknowledges you.
IT'S YOURS, IT'S YOURS, IT'S YOURS. say it until you feel sick of it. say it until your brain's fried. say it until you're out of it. say it UNTIL YOU CAN MEAN IT when you say IT'S YOURS.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/28bb30634a56cfef390ad9ecf4e6134f/e3379f6ac821a533-9c/s540x810/22951ef88e99de3592d1bd67f84d15652f5d10c8.jpg)
one assumption, one assumption is all it takes. one sentence that you don't question. hell, question it even. doesn't matter. even so, one assumption is what it takes to be the you who has it all. the assumption that you ARE the you who has it all.
don't even believe. don't. don't even think twice. don't bother at all. don't do nothing. you don't NEED to do nothing. because you already are the you who has what you want.
what you desire was already yours before it was even put in your heart. it has been yours when it appeared. its completely yours when you work towards having it. it's yours to enjoy when you finally have it. so enjoy it throughout. enjoy it when you're persisting that you have it. enjoy it when an intrusive thought arises. enjoy it when you question it's validity. because it was yours the moment the big bang happened, and it was yours before it happened, and it was yours when nothing existed, and it's yours when the world ends. it's yours from start to end.
if it wasn't yours, it would've passed you by, and you wouldn't even have any idea. if it wasn't yours, you wouldn't be here right now. if it wasn't yours, you wouldn't be trying even if you're doubting it. if it wasn't yours, it wouldn't have found you in a hundred lifetimes.
you cannot make this shit up. it's a FACT. you don't find anything. whatever is yours, finds you. you cannot escape what's yours. that is your blessing. take it. own it. live it.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/778760f2a825c8b1afd0e7eb61824c9d/e3379f6ac821a533-91/s540x810/ba1d3251c2b4bcbe76f4f11fbc37963fa25a3f02.jpg)
you're NEVER chasing. your desires chase you. they WANT to be yours. you CAN live without them. you definitely can. they can't. but since they're yours, they move with you, and so in your frame, it looks like you're chasing after them. that you have to have them. SO WIDEN YOUR FRAME. WIDEN THAT FUCKING PICTURE. ZOOM THE FUCK OUT. SEE, that they continue chasing after you, trying to catch up. so own them. stop running. give yourself a break. take a breather. what are you chasing after anyway? when everything is yours since the beginning of the world, and even before that. you're making your life awfully like Achilles's. stop going so fast that you pass your desires and then end up behind them. stop running in circles. stop, and relax. you've reached the end line. you ARE the end line. let your desires come to YOU. that's what you deserve, and that is EXACTLY what you have.
you will have exactly what you intend. intention matters, and actions follow. so intend big, assume the "impossible", and watch it appear before you. the mind is a powerful thing. it always works in your favor, but only if you keep it under your control. do not let it even DARE to think it can control you. don't YOU ever think it can control you. sit down with it. tell it your desires. tell it that you already HAVE your desires. and most importantly, tell it that it has to work for you NO MATTER WHAT. because that is what it's supposed to do. that's it's purpose.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/57129286c96e1db6830b74bbe04ca6bb/e3379f6ac821a533-42/s540x810/be7128d2e34d6a24491ab8f8bb6693ba83facf5f.jpg)
no, you're not GOD. you're YOU. that's your power. GOD has too much to take care of. the wind; it's direction, the water; its flow, the rain; where it falls, the leaves; when they wither, your next breath that you'll take, every single person on this once fully green Earth. he's constantly taking care of everyone else. do you have the time to take care of every single individual alive and breathing right now? honestly, no. you're not gonna sit here saying "oh, yeah. let me pay the debts of someone on the other end of the world who probably doesn't even know me". I know I won't. is that selfish? I don't care. I deserve everything that I want as much as anyone else in this whole wide world. so no. NO NO NO. you're nothing, but YOU. you don't "make it happen", you don't have to. you assume, it happens. you intend, its here. that's YOU. you don't have to sit down and plan HOW what you want will happen, you sit down and assume it'll happen, and it will.
![Tumblr media](https://64.media.tumblr.com/2ae4a8d96271ed6f995232062d929bff/e3379f6ac821a533-1a/s540x810/922e29ac55ee7ec5e1f5d642e374054bd925cae0.jpg)
anyways, yeah. you get the point. you are you, do not try to be anything or anyone else. be you, do you, for you. and everything will be yours. it already is. you are the CORE, the CENTER, the start and the end.
#shifting reality#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#shifting blog#shifting realities#lucid dream#lucid dreaming#void state#void#shifting community#shifter#shifters#shifting motivation#loa tumblr#loablr#loassumption#manifesation#manifesting
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In a new interview with the New Yorker ahead of his 70th birthday on Monday, the comedian explained his theory about why there’s no “funny stuff” to watch on TV anymore. “Nothing really affects comedy,” he said, “People always need it. They need it so badly and they don’t get it.” Instead of getting sitcoms like M*A*S*H, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and All in the Family, audiences miss out, he said, as a “result of the extreme left and P.C. crap, and people worrying so much about offending other people.” [...] A look back at some of his earlier comments on a similar subject adds some context, if not clarity. In 2015, Seinfeld sat down for an episode of The Herd with Colin Cowherd podcast, where he explained his aversion to performing stand-up on college campuses. “I don’t play colleges, but I hear a lot of people tell me, ‘Don't go near colleges. They’re so PC,’” he said on the show. After giving an example of his teenage daughter using the word “sexist,” he concluded that young people “just want to use these words: ‘That’s racist’; 'That’s sexist’; ‘That’s prejudice.’ They don’t know what they’re talking about.”
Jerry Seinfeld Draws Right-Wing Praise for Comments on ‘Extreme Left’
This is such a bummer. Tell me you’re a privileged, entitled, myopic Boomer without telling me you’re a privileged, entitled, myopic Boomer.
It’s interesting to me that he says these legendary sit-coms, none of which were cruel, punching down, or hurtful, but were actually satirizing power, celebrating women, changing societal norms through representation, and using comedy to do it all, wouldn’t exist if “the extreme left” had anything to do with it.
Umm. Who does he think created these shows? And is he really that ignorant? Has this guy never read a single interview with Norman Lear? Or literally anyone in the cast of Mary Tyler Moore? I mean. Come on, man!
Teenagers and college students don’t know what they’re talking about when they tell a privileged, entitled, multimillionaire Boomer that his “jokes” can be hurtful, and maybe he could use his tremendous talent to do comedy that is just as funny without being hurtful. Okay. Got it. Keep saying that, and see how far it gets you, buddy.
Hey, Jerry Seinfeld: when blue checks on Twitter are celebrating you being a dick, it’s not because you’re so funny and such a brilliant comic; it’s because they love how you’re validating what garbage they are. You can’t see that, or don’t care, and that’s such a huge bummer.
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